Chapter Text
"Robert?"
"Huh?" his eyes shifted back to Annette's.
"I asked, would you like more coffee or should we go?" she wasn't very impressed with him today.
"Um." he glanced around the cafe. "Coffee." He decided, nodding.
"You're paying. I need to use the loo. Just another latte for me."
He sighed and slipped off his chair. Annette was very serious. Too serious. Nobody else in the family was serious, only Annette.
Three other people had suddenly resolved to get coffee as Robert stood, meaning the was now a line. He scratched the back of his head.
"Excuse me, sir."
"Hm?" Robert swung round, elbowing the small man behind him in the face. "Oh, god." Embarrassment, horror and just a sprinkling of amusement flooded through him. "I'm sorry, here, um. God, I'm so sorry mate."
The man let out a muffled sort of squawk as he swatted Robert's rather large hands away. He straightened and cleared his throat. "No matter." He breathed, slightly out of breath from all the swatting. "I was simply wondering if you wouldn't mind letting me ahead. You're quite tall and I cannot see."
"Huh?"
"Letting me ahead in the line - you're blocking my view of the menu."
"Oh. Right. Um. I can move left a bit, here, but it's- this is my spot, um..." he trailed off.
"If you're moving, that's as good as leaving the line; I may as well go ahead."
"Well, no. Um." Robert was confused by this odd little man. He sighed. "Sure. Go on."
"I am forever in your debt, sir." the man said, shuffling forward.
Robert sighed again and decided to look at the dessert cabinet until he reached the front of the line.
Annette would no doubt be displeased by the slice of strawberry cheesecake now sitting before Robert. To begin with, it was overpriced and Robert apparently had no concept whatsoever of the value of money. To end with, Annette simply wasn't fond of sweets, much less cheesecake. Robert peeled a freeze-dried strawberry from the top and nibbled at it, a touch miserably.
Annette took a legendary amount of time in loos and no one quite knew why. Robert's theory was that she had bowels of iron. Thus, when the time finally came to release, it took so long due to the sheer quantity that had been stockpiled. She might rip out his kneecaps if he proposed this theory.
"Sir." a mocha was slid in front of him and he grinned.
"Thanks boss."
The server returned the smile, placing the latte before Annette's empty chair. "Enjoy."
"You too." Robert nodded.
It was only once the server had returned behind the counter that Robert realised you too was not an appropriate response. Alas, time could not go backwards.
"Rob." Annette dropped gracefully back into her seat. "I've just heard from- oh." Her dark eyes landed on the innocent slice of cake between them.
Robert's throat clicked as he swallowed.
"You have no self-control." Annette told him, wrapping delicate fingers around her coffee. "It's appalling. You're not a child; you're almost twenty-six, for god's sake." Her eyes flicked up and caught Robert's
He felt himself wither. "Annie-"
"-besides, aren't you trying to watch your figure?"
"I am?" Robert hadn't been aware.
Critical eyes ran over him. Distaste curled her lips. "You should be."
Robert's mouth fell open and he looked down at himself. He was in good shape, thank you very much. He went to the gym twice a week; his pecs were nicely defined and he could bench-press Annette without breaking a sweat. Watch his figure - the audacity. "I'm fighting fit." He told her with a fire in his eyes.
Perfect eyebrows arched and she took a long sip. Upon swallowing, she said, "So don't get sloppy. I'll give the cake to Janice; I'm meeting her later."
The fire was doused. Robert slumped back with a whimper. "Janice." He muttered.
Annette set her coffee down with a light thud. "Anyway. Elise got in touch."
Robert eyed his mocha, thumbing the rim. "How nice."
"Eye contact, Robert." Annette told him and he moodily lifted his gaze. "She's available Friday, so buy something nice to wear. A button-up."
Robert straightened and took a sip of his mocha. "Can I bring Ricky?"
Annette looked at him. "No." She said, frosty. "You cannot bring Ricky."
"You don't like Ricky?" Robert asked because she always said his name as if it were a cuss.
"Ricky's unemployed-"
"-self-employed-"
"-and it is a date. You don't bring your friends on dates."
Robert shot her a grin. "Unless you date your friends."
She was not amused. "Six-thirty at the Lion Wrestler."
Robert sighed. "Alrighty Aphrodite." He lifted his mug. "Can't wait."
* * *
He could, in fact, wait. He would love to wait. A decade, minimum, would be nice. But fate was against him and Friday approached with an extraordinary eagerness.
"Undo the top one." Ricky instructed from his spot eating crisps on Robert's bed.
Robert frowned at him in the mirror. "Annie said I had to look proper."
Crumbs cascaded down Ricky's chin, onto the duvet below. "Yeah, proper not stuffy."
"They're... the same thing?" Robert said, fumbling with the top button until it unpopped.
"Are they?" Ricky replied with an air of mystery. He wiped greasy fingers on Robert's duvet and sat up. "Yeah. Better. You look nice."
Robert considered himself.
A black, short-sleeved button-up sat above light blue jeans. The shirt had a floral pattern; orange, red and yellow flowers dotted across the material, accompanied by dark green leaves. It wasn't tight but nor was it loose. He'd been told - by his Annette-approved, shopping chaperone Casey - that it was flattering. The jeans were not new. They were going on three years old and were slim-cut and comfortable. His Annette-disapproved, best friend Ricky had told him they highlighted his assets. His dark blond hair was scruffy in - Ricky's words - a charming, sexy kind of way and he'd made sure to shave this morning. Overall, he agreed. He looked nice.
"So she's a teacher?" Ricky asked, rolling off the bed and heading toward the door.
Robert overcame his vanity and pulled his gaze from the mirror, following. "Er. Nurse, I think."
Ricky hummed. "What does she look like?"
Robert had been shown one picture. "She's brunette." He said, casting his mind back. "Chubby, not super tall." What else? "Was in a yellow sun dress, which was cute. Um. Nice smile."
Ricky nodded, flicking the kettle on and leaning on the kitchen island. "Think you'll get on?"
Robert shrugged, stuffing his hands in his pockets and leaning opposite. "Annie might pull off my toenails if I mess this one up."
Ricky snorted. "Why's she so keen on getting you in a relationship?"
Robert's head fell back with a groan. He watched the ceiling of his flat. "She thinks I need to settle down; grow up; become a father."
"A father?" Ricky echoed, amused.
"I don't know." Robert looked forward. "Something like that. She thinks I'm wasting time."
"What do your parents think?" Ricky asked, plucking an apple from the fruit bowl and inspecting it.
"They don't mind what I do." Robert said, watching him take a rather ambitious bite of the fruit. "As long as I have a roof over my head, they think I'm doing alright."
Apple juice dribbled down Ricky's chin and he slurped. "Be nice though," He started, wiping a hand across his mouth. "for you to have someone special."
Robert privately disagreed. It was a lot of work and he wasn't sure he was up to it. "Speaking of," He said, pushing off the counter and readying their mugs. "how's Emma?"
"Still on about a dog." Ricky sighed. "But I know she'll get bored and I'll be the one left to train it like."
"You also want a dog." Robert told him, dropping a teabag in each cup.
Ricky waved his apple-free hand. "That's not the point."
Robert raised his eyebrows, glancing back at him. "What is the point?"
"If she wants a dog, it's her responsibility." Ricky said, as if it made sense.
Robert squinted at him. "But you're getting the dog together."
Ricky took another bite of his apple and shook his head. "You dwon't 'nderstand."
Robert snorted and decided to let him off this time.
* * *
The Lion Wrestler was a popular bar. They had quiz nights every Wednesday which Robert on-and-off attended. They also had karaoke on Sundays and Robert had long been intimidated by that. It was always bustling and tonight was no exception.
The music was some sort of upbeat, background pop. The walls were hung with indie art and vintage film posters. The first time he'd come - dragged along by Yusuf - Robert had found it all a bit much. But it had grown on him in the years since. The staff were lovely and the prices weren't half-bad.
Elise looked nice.
Her hair was braided into two little buns. She sported colourful, dangly earrings which looked to be made of buttons. A tight, black dress hugged her body, finishing mid-thigh, and her feet sat in some elegant, black high-heels.
"Hey." she smiled and it was clear she was nervous. "Robert?"
Robert did his best to return the smile. "Alright?" He held out his hand for her to shake. Annette had mentioned something about handshakes but Robert was unable to recall whether she had said do or don't.
Regardless, Elise gave it a polite shake as Robert watched. Her hands were tiny. His were probably bigger than her entire face. He wasn't a fan of the size difference, in all honesty; it freaked him out a bit. She nodded, "Yeah, you?"
"I'm good, yeah." Robert answered, tucking his (freakishly large?) hands away in his pockets. "Let me, uh, buy you a drink?"
"Right." she swept a loose thread of hair behind her ear. "Thanks."
Robert smiled as they headed over to the bar. "Oh." He remembered, looking down at her. "You, um. You look nice."
She ducked her head with a bubbly laugh. "And you." Her cheeks dusted with a faint pink.
She had a long island, while Robert just had whatever was cheapest on tap - Tiger apparently. Robert's feet were easily able to touch the floor from his stool and he looked at hers, only barely reaching the metal bar, two-thirds of the way down.
"So," Robert smiled, bringing his eyes upward. Her makeup was neat and simplistic. She was pretty. "you're a nurse?"
"Oh." she stirred her cocktail with the straw. "No, I- a teacher."
Robert's mind played a reel of Annette hitting him with a brick. "Ah." He tried a chuckle. "Right. Yeah. Sorry mate-" Annette hopped into a steamroller and drove his flattened body into the road. "-I mean." He cleared his throat, wondering if this was salvageable. "Not- not mate. Sorry. Um..."
To Robert's complete surprise, Elise just laughed. "You're alright." She hummed, before having a sip of her drink. "I'm nervous too."
"Oh." Robert wasn't nervous, per se, he was just clumsy. But it was an excuse he could most definitely make. "Yeah, I'm not..." He rubbed the back of his head. "so good at these."
"Me either." she smiled. "I work at Hosbrough Primary, about ten minutes from here."
"Oh right." Robert said as if he were familiar with the school. "What age?"
"Seven to eight year olds." she nodded.
"Yikes." Robert breathed without thinking.
She laughed again and Robert decided he liked the noise. "Mm." Ice clinked in her glass as she continued to stir it. "They can be a handful but they're all very sweet, really. It's the parents you have to worry about."
"Yeah?" Robert prompted, taking a swig.
She watched him swallow before answering. "Yeah." Her lips twisted with wry amusement. "It's only a small portion, but for some of them, their child can do no wrong. So if there do happen to be any problems, I'm the one to blame. They can get very defensive."
Robert nodded, eyes flicking to the barman while he thought of a response. "Teachers are, uh," What was it Yusuf had said? "unsung heroes."
Elise laughed. "Well." She leant her cheek in her palm. "I don't disagree."
They then talked about Robert and his fascinating career as a tradesman. Most recently, he'd been tiling a roof. From there, they wandered in the well-charted direction of hobbies. Elise liked cats (she owned two; a plump, black one named Gary and a young, ginger one called Guthrie) and played ultimate frisbee every second Sunday. She went for runs here and there and enjoyed cheese. In turn, Robert told her of his fondness for the gym and said me too in regard to the running. He admitted he wasn't a fan of cheese but said he did enjoy nearly every other food and loved to cook. He refrained from telling her about his knitting because Annette had threatened against it.
It was perhaps half an hour in when Robert threw his beer on some poor, unsuspecting man passing behind him. He'd been talking about Game of Thrones (a party he was late to, but enjoying nonetheless) and anyone who knew Robert, knew he loved a good hand gesture. Unfortunately, Robert had forgotten his left hand had been occupied with a pint glass. The man's startled cuss had helpfully reminded him.
"Oh my-" he hurried to stand, placing his glass safely on the bar top as Elise covered her mouth. "-I'm so sorry mate." He wasn't sure what he hoped to achieve, patting down the man's objectively soaked dress shirt. "Let me just..." Just what? "shit, sorry, I-" He cut himself off when hands wrapped around his wrists.
"You're fine." came a smooth, deep voice.
Robert, finally, looked at the man's face.
They were a very similar height; there couldn't be more than a few centimetres between them. The man's skin was tan and his hair was a chestnut brown - short and tousled. His jawline was strong and his nose was slightly crooked, as if it had once been broken. His eyes were warm and brown. He was quite good-looking, Robert thought.
"Um." Robert meekly tugged his hands away. "I, uh... sorry."
"It's fine." the man reiterated. "Buy me a drink and we're even."
"Oh." Robert glanced at Elise. He thought it was fair, but he'd rather not offend her and risk Annette poisoning his tea sometime this coming week.
Elise smiled at him. "He deserves some sort of compensation."
"Right." Robert nodded. He shot the man an apologetic grin. "What d'you fancy boss?"
"Black Dog APA." the man easily responded, settling on the stool beside Robert's.
"Right on." Robert nodded, signalling the barman and retaking his own seat.
"I'm Robert, by the way." Robert said as the barman started on their order.
"I'm Elise." Elise smiled, leaning forward.
The man smiled back. "Elias."
"Ooh, are you Norwegian?" Elise asked and Robert wasn't sure why.
Elias chuckled. "No."
Elise frowned. "Danish?'
Robert must be missing something. He smiled at the barman as he set their drinks before them.
"I was born in Germany." Elias said. "But I've been in England since I was three."
"Oh." Elise nodded happily. "You speak German?"
"Mm." he pulled his beer toward himself and Robert did the same. "Are you two on a date?"
"Yep." Elise grinned while Robert nodded.
Elias chuckled quietly. "Right. I'll leave after this, then. Sorry to gatecrash."
"Not at all." Elise told him.
And then, for reasons unknown even to him, Robert said, "Your shirt is see-through."
Elias looked down. Robert, and no doubt others, could see a portion of his chest where the fabric was wet. His left nipple, notably, was visible. "Uh..." He said and Robert didn't blame him for sounding like he wasn't sure how to continue.
"No, sorry mate. I didn't-" Robert gave an awkward laugh. This was why he'd wanted Ricky to come along. Ricky didn't have foot-in-mouth disease. "-mean to- I just, um... said it." Eloquent.
"Right." Elias responded.
A moment of silence passed between the three of them.
"So what do you do, Elias?" Elise asked and Robert came to the conclusion that she was an angel.
Elias was the head of strategic finance at an insurance company and neither Robert nor Elise asked him to elaborate. Instead, Robert steered them back to the safe and familiar topic of hobbies.
"I have an Alsatian." Elias told them. "So I enjoy long walks with her."
"Neat." Robert said.
"Lovely." Elise said.
Elias laughed softly.
They talked a little more, mainly about Beef the German Shepherd. Robert had mixed feelings about the name. But before long, Elias insisted on leaving them to it and wandered off.
"Nice guy." Elise said, sipping her mojito.
"Yeah." Robert agreed.
He was beginning to feel sleepy.