Chapter Text
He was utterly worthless. He knew that now that he saw bright red blood flow from his arms and onto his bathroom floor. How come every fight with his mother had him this weak? This completely and utterly ruined? The knife he had was sharp, it cut beautifully down and across his arms and. . .Katsuki swears that he could’ve died if he wasn’t afraid of what would be said at his funeral.
He went to sleep that night numb and empty. Arms sore as the blood dripped onto his sheets and gloves. He wouldn’t cry though. He wasn’t weak enough to cry. Only Deku did that weak shit.
He woke up the next morning feeling like death.
The gloves hurt, they rubbed against sore skin and he promised himself he wouldn’t cry. He wasn’t weak like Deku, he wasn’t soft and easy to hurt. He was Bakugou Katsuki and he was stronger than anyone could imagine. He had to be.
His mom didn’t take off the gloves until later in the morning. He had finished his shower- very hard to do with the cursed items- and gotten fully dressed when he finally arrived downstairs. She was smiling softly, that was just another sign of her anger. That was just another way that she would get Katsuki to let his guard down.
He learned that mistake a long time ago.
For the morning he had been completely ignoring his mirror. He probably had some bruising from last night. He sure felt like his face was just purely on fire. It made him shake at the thought of needing to explain, but he was pursued by Villains the previous night. He already had a scapegoat.
“Katsuki, come here. You need to get those off before going to the dorms.” Her voice was soft and motherly. No, he couldn’t put his guard down. That would be bad.
She took them off and his stomach flipped at the sight of his charred hands. They’d heal over in the next two days at least and week at most. It would hurt to use his quirk but he honestly liked the pain it made. Was that bad?
Soon his father was down as well, about to leave for work when he saw his son's hands. He let out a sharp breath and grabbed them- and god was it painful.
“Oh, Katsuki, did you make your mom put the gloves on you again? You should know not to come home late. Don’t you listen bud?” His voice was softer than Mitsukis. It was also so much easier to believe what his dad said over his mom. He never really lied to Katsuki outright. Now… now wouldn’t be different right?
“Yeah- I’m sorry.”
His dad looked happy at his response.That was good, fine. If dad was happy then he knew his mom wouldn’t get too upset. After all she was only doing what he deserved. He deserves this punishment. He could’ve been able to
Aizawa hadn’t read his message until around 8 PM that night. Katsuki thought of how his classmates would go on and on about how quickly Aizawa would answer them about small things. They said that he was ‘like a mother hen’, Katsuki no longer believed that to be true. Alas, it was fine. It always would be. Katsuki should have expected to be ignored. He didn’t even need help anyways.
Aizawa: Problem child, this is late but I assume you’re okay?
Katsuki: fine
And that was the end of the conversation. Walking back to the dorms was always a grueling time. Thoughts often came in and out of Katsukis head like moving cars on the road. Some stayed longer, like a train pulling up to its final station as the passengers came and left. Only sometimes did his thoughts stay in full during his whole walk. That was now.
Katsuki was slowly beginning to doubt that he was a good person. His veins were filled with hot blood and the feeling of warmth spread through him like a volcano. At this point he barely knew what a good person even really was. Months ago he would have answered the question of what made people good. Simple good actions and the drive to help. Something people were sure that he lacked entirely.
He couldn’t blame them, his brash attitude and rude words were the first, and usually last, impression people got of him. His loud voice often echoed through most empty places, resonating off the walls like it was trapped in every room with him. He knew that he wasn’t what people thought of when they heard the word ‘good’. Good was Dekus thing, his hero and martyr complex almost drove him to death a multitude of times. Katsuki. . . He wasn’t Deku.
He wasn’t that ‘good’ type of person. He wasn’t kind to all around him, never did he miss an opportunity to snap at someone with a galled comment. If a person set him off slightly he would be a ticking time bomb. His hands shaking until he let out the anger and violence which was commonplace for him. It wasn’t a surprise that the media didn’t like him. He was loud, abrasive and completely rude. They often would use badly taken photos of him for their stories, painting him as the evil beast of U.A.
As much as Katsuki wanted to deny the claims, state that he wasn’t what they painted him as… He had to think about how so much of it was true.
Restrained and muzzled to a block of concrete. The feeling of the cuffs on his hands, slowly cutting down into his flesh as his quirk went off inside of them. Scars from where the muzzle roughly cut against his skin were long gone now. Katsuki can so easily remember the feeling of his burning skin, the containment of his quirk causing his palms, hands and lower arms to be brutally scared… but scars on his body so easily fade. They no longer had the evidence of damage done to the boy.
Bakugou Katsuki had no scars, for his skin healed over with the ease of ripping paper. Beautiful new skin graced over the previously scarred areas, the fix was so easily done just after a full week. His sweat and body would always work in taking away his weaknesses. The scars were just another weakness. The Bakugou family wouldn’t accept weakness.
Though physical scars can fade just as the night turns to day, they fade as the stars come to replace the light of the sun. The scars of the mind were harder than that. Memories of past events flashed in his mind daily, seeing Midnight or Cementos… Even seeing Allmight gave him such a feeling of dread and regret. That just proved how weak he was.
Katsuki wasn’t a bad person, no bad people turned at the sign of trouble.Bad people would take advantage of what was offered to them without a second thought. Katsuki knew that wasn’t him.
Weak was another option. Growing up his mind played at the idea of a two dimensional world. Good and Bad, Black and White. That was the world to a young blond child who thought that he had his whole life planned ahead of him. Children were naive. Children would sp happily blindly follow others if they believed that they were right.
Katsuki hated children. He hated his younger self for being so sure that he would grow into a hero people would be proud of. He hated his younger self for admiring Allmight, for watching the hero with wide eyes, hoping to be him. Now Katsuki knew the truth.
Deku would surpass him and be the new Allmight, and Allmight had so roughly falen and ended his career because of a worthless, still so young child named Katsuki. Not yet an adult and still barely a teen. Ruined because of a weak child who so hopefully believed that he knew how the world worked. How the world would treat people like him.If he deserved to be muzzled and chained by the number one hero then he deserved the backlash for killing him.
Allmight never cared much for any student that wasn’t Deku. Never cared about the strides and accomplishments of them.To others they didn’t care much. Why would they? He may be the number one hero but he didn’t need to always praise them.
Katsuki was different. He and Deku loved Allmight the same. Cared for him the same. Strode to be the new Allmight the same, Deku would now always be ahead of him because Allmight saw something in him. He supposed it was karma, well deserved karma for how much of a villain he was.
The media stormed him the moment that he stepped off of his train. Just a photographer and some journalist trying to rile him up. They taunted, waiting for some sort of reaction from his form. He thought momentarily,
‘I really can never catch a break’
The two asked him many questions, mainly around how he could ever be a hero. He was slowly beginning to reshape how he viewed a hero. Was a hero someone who protected the innocent, or were they just there to invoke karma amongst the bad people of the world. Allmight was a hero. Allmight had hurt him in so many ways, but he was a hero. Heroes only hurt villains. By all logic Katsuki should be considered a villain. Then again, he was.
Being hated by the media wasn’t a horrible thing. The media loved to make victims out of bad people and bad people out of victims. No that wasn’t true. Katsuki wasn’t a victim. He was just a bad person. He was loud, violent and too rude. He knew that of course, everyone else did aswell.
Now, Katsuki approached the dorms of U.A. If U.A did anything right, their no media inside rule was it. Slow steps in a long stride brought him to the door. He grimaced before turning the knob and stepping inside. He wanted to just walk in and leave without being bothered. He wanted to go to his room and study, something he wasn’t able to do well the night before.
He never got what he wanted. Just as he took a step into the common room eyes were on him, he hated the dorms for this reason. The dual haired boy came up to him slowly, suprising Katsuki. He honestly expected someone from his so-called ‘squad’ to bombard him. . . Todoroki was unexpected, but not unwanted.
“Aizawa wanted me to tell you that he apologises for last night. I was with him, dealing with something related to my father.”
Oh, so that was what this was about. He stiffened a chuckle. Todorokis problem was probably more important than his own. He knew of the other boys father, he knew that it was probably about the same thing he heard him and Deku talk about just months ago. . . and he knew that it was more important than the stuff he was going through the previous night.
“Whatever, I got through it,” He didn’t mention just how that was. He didn’t need to embarrass himself that much.
The other boy didn’t seem satisfied with that answer. He looked directly at the blonde and spoke lowly.
“If you got hurt last night you should see recovery girl.”
He spoke like it was just that easy. Katsuki had to stifle a laugh. That wasn’t ever how that worked. His hands ached and he had yet to even see what his mothers wedding ring did to his cheek. No, going to a nurse after a beating never did good in the past, and it wouldn’t now. Never did never will.
Katsuki pushed past Todoroki with a glare and a growl. He walked through the halls up to his room and the moment he stepped inside the previous facade was on. He groaned, collapsing onto the bed with a few quick steps.. .It didn’t take long before he heard the first knock on his door. Damnit.
“Bakugou. You need to let me in, you were pursued by villains you know to go to recovery girl after that.”
While he did know that he really had no intentions of doing so. The villains hadn’t hurt him. His mom did. He knew how to deal with that just fine.. . but here was Aizawa coming into his room, using his own fucking key. Of course.
His room was spotless, not even a single piece of paper was out of place on his desk. He stood when Aizawa started to open his door and he groaned when he actually saw the man. No doubt there would be questions about the previous night and now Katsuki wished the crummy villains had actually managed to kidnap him. The teacher looked at him with a stern expression and closed the door behind him. Great, this wouldn’t be fun.
“You texted me at six and I was unable to look at my phone until eight. I want you to know that I would never intentionally ignore a student in danger.”
Oh of course it was just to make him look better again. That’s all any adult ever cared about. If they don’t look good, innocent, in the eyes of others, it would be a mistake. So Aizawa cleared his ass in the first seconds of conversation. God he hated this.
“Now we need to get you into recovery girls office.. You are obviously hurt and need medical attention Katsuki.”
He wondered just how bad his face looked for it to worry his teacher this much. Probably just trying to clear his ass for ignoring Katsukis distress call. It was whatever, it didn’t matter. Nothing like that mattered. The pair walked in an uncomfortable silence down to the womans office.
Katsuki hated silence, it was in the air far too often, it would put him on edge, it would make him worried. Silence meant a storm was approaching. It meant that the worst was yet to come, maybe that was true. Maybe the worst would be behind the looming doors of the all too familiar office. The familiar place where he had been muzzled months ago.
Midnight was inside the office. She was talking with the recovery girl as they walked in. When she looked over he averted his gaze in an instant. He could not deal with her and her comments right now. Was he unable to have a single bit of peace in this hell hole of a school? He greatly doubted that. Now she walked towards him and fucking pulled him over to recovery girl by his damn hair. Why did all the women in his life violent with him?!
The moment he was forced down onto the hospital bed something felt off. Why were they acting like this. He felt sick to his stomach and sat still was recovery girl checked him over. When asked about any injuries other than his hands and face he lied.
“Pfft. You think i’d let those idiots get that close to me!? I ain’t no weakling.” He lied smoothly, it wasn’t the first or last time he would lie about how he got hurt over weekends of breaks. The school was dumb. They never checked too much and-
“Can you take your shirt off for me? I want to make sure…”
HIs arms. He couldn’t do that with his arms in the condition they were. Yeah they slightly healed but good god they were one hundred percent still scarred. Nope. He didn’t have time for this right now.’
“Oi. I said I ain’t hurt any fuckin where else aight?! I’m leavin..”
They couldn’t force him to lift his shirt, laws against child indecency. So he stood and started to walk out of the office… when a familiar mist filled his nose, the world went black.
He really couldn’t have a single good day.