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The slight chill of autumn air kissed at the tip of Lainey's nose, distantly cold to her as her entire world was focused on the pages of her book. The porch light over her head was barely suitable for any sort of visibility let alone reading in the black of night, yet Lainey couldn't find it in her to get up and move indoors. As her eyes danced across the worn pages of her newly acquired novel the world around her moved in hushed voices, a rhythm of crickets, the ever-present hum of the street lights past their back garden, rustling branches swaying with the gentle wind. A rattle of tracks could be heard from the train line nearby if one really concentrated on it. Each component created a symphony of white noise around the back porch of the old suburban house.
The sharp noise of a sliding door along its rails broke Lainey from her spell, despite the fact that she would happily continue reading she looked up to greet Cedar as they stepped out onto the wooden deck that overlooked their tiny back yard; better classified as a glorified strip of grass. An apologetic smile graced their lips as they met her eyes and Lainey returned it with a comforting one of her own. Her partner pulled the sleeves of their oversized sweatshirt down their arms and tucked their fists into the fabric; protecting against the cool air that Lainey was only just registering. They didn't exchange any words, Cedar had been quiet ever since getting home from their shift, it wasn't an uncommon occurrence for them to occasionally draw back into themselves at the closing of a more tiring week; so Lainey wasn't worried. She merely watched their lithe frame as they walked up to the railing of the porch and pulled out their packet of cigarettes. She revelled in the artful movements of Cedar's thin fingers pulling the cigarette from its packaging and the reverent way they completed their ritual of licking their lips and bringing their hand up to their face, the glow of the lighter in their palm, the definition of their throat as they faced the sky and blew light grey smoke from their lips.
Possessiveness sparked in Lainey's stomach; every aspect of Cedar made her truly awed and lovestruck. The way they darted their tongue out to swipe at their lower lip in a completely subconscious movement never failed to spark something deep within her chest. The casual display of their perfect throat had her filled with the desire to claim and worship them. And her favourite pair of lips, she could spend hours just gazing at their face and watching each movement of their plush mouth that was completely and utterly hers.
In a completely subconscious habit Lainey moved her mind from reverential thoughts of her partner to look them up and down fully; to check on them. She noted the slouch of their back and the tightness in their shoulders as they leant forward on the railing, supported by their elbows. She watched the distant way they stared out through the immediate barrier of the garden's back fence and into the darkness of the night itself. Lainey wasn't concerned about Cedar; this definitely wasn't her first rodeo and she had spent a long time becoming accustomed to their behaviours and moods. She simply held her book aloft in her hand and watched their subtle movements as they smoked through their cigarette and butted it out into the ashtray on the railing beside them. She watched as they pulled their arms closer to their body and their hands disappeared fully into their sleeves; gaze not moving from its point in the invisible void.
"Cedar"
Breaking the silence of their little bubble felt like a sharp removal of a veil around them, and Cedar turned toward her, shoving their hands into the pocket of their hoodie and cocking their head slightly in a way that made Lainey's heart flutter. She met their curious face; awaiting her next words, with a warm smile from her position on the cane deck lounge. She removed one of the hands supporting the book in her lap and used it to grasp a thin pillow propped up by her feet and place it on the floor beside her.
"come here, baby"
Cedar moved the three steps toward her carefully, standing at her side for just a moment; long enough for Lainey to reach out to their waist with one arm and lay a comforting warmth on their side as they gracefully sunk to kneel beside her. Their knees hit the pillow softly and Lainey watched with a soft smile as they tucked their feet neatly behind them and pulled their hands out -still wrapped in the sleeves of the jumper- and placed them on their lap. Cedar's head was lowered but with a simple click of Lainey's tongue they looked up to meet her gaze.
Carefully she released her hold at their waist and moved her hand up to card through the soft strands of their hair, pushing their curls off their forehead. With Lainey's hand in their hair, Cedar closed their eyes and hummed softly, angling their head forward to give her more access. She chuckled at their worldless beg and used the hand in their hair to cup the back of Cedar's head and pull them down to rest on her thigh. She felt them angle their face toward Lainey and somewhat nestle into their position on her lap.
Lainey spent a moment just carding her hand through their white curls, occasionally scratching at their scalp or moving her hand down to cup at their neck behind their ear, but never staying in one place for very long. She watched the tension drain from their shoulders as they knelt by her side, letting out a barely audible hum or two but otherwise completely silent and beginning to drift into the comfort of Lainey's thigh and the warm palm against their scalp.
Once Lainey was sure they had settled she picked her book back up with one hand, angling it to catch the porch light and continued to read, slowly becoming absorbed back into the fictional world strung together by magical sentences and deeper meanings. As she read she ensured that her hand kept up a rhythm in Cedar's hair, softly stroking and occasionally using her fingertip to trace out a word that caught her attention. The soft noise of her pages turning joined the orchestra of the night's sounds and the two sat in their warm little bubble despite the cool nipping at their exposed skin.
-
It wasn't until Lainey reached the end of a fifth chapter since sitting down to read in the first place that she pulled herself from the world she had once again become absorbed in, Cedar had barely stirred by her side in all the time they had been sat together. She used the hand in their hair to place a firmer pressure on their head and slid her hand down to cup their jaw.
"Cedar, honey, how are you doing? Can you come up for me?" she spoke softly to them, they weren't asleep; merely drifting along some quiet place in their mind instead of the rolling waves of thoughts that had been occupying them before.
They slowly moved their head, nuzzling their face further into the fabric of her soft track pants. Lainey smiled fondly at the action and moved her hand to scratch lightly through the curls at the back of their neck; their brown roots just starting to show through again.
"Baby, can you look up for me please?" she asked, keeping her voice in that low, firm, tone that seemed to do best at comforting them while encouraging them into action.
After a few moments of sluggish hesitation, Cedar lifted their head to meet Lainey's gaze; the pupils of their eyes blown a little wider. The corners of their mouth were almost drawn upwards but it was the emotion in their gaze that gave away their relaxed contentment.
"How are your knees?... numb at all?" Lainey questioned, cupping their chin so she could caress their jawline with the side of her thumb.
Cedar nodded slightly, continuing to hold their gaze on Lainey as her own eyes darted over their face; searching for signs of discomfort.
"Not in the headspace for talking?" she questioned, watching Cedars face go blank slightly as their distant brain processed the question. Answering with a minute shake of their head. "Alright, we'll just keep you there then honey, that sound good?"
Lainey didn't expect a response. A response to that question from Cedar would be a protest at the idea, they merely closed their eyes again and sat in the light hold. Lainey closed her book with her free hand and slid it off of her lap. She then turned to face Cedar as much as she could manage without removing her grip on their chin and leaned in to press a kiss against their lips.
Against *her* lips.
Lainey deepened the kiss slightly, pulling their bottom lip into her mouth and Cedar followed perfectly; complying with her moves and complementing her completely. Lainey took care not to let herself get carried away and pulled away from Cedar's face with a small smirk. Their mouth was hanging open just the slightest amount and a blush had graced their cheeks that could not be fully attributed to the cold around them. Mindful of the effects that cold would be having on her significantly smaller partner Lainey stopped staring at their face quickly. Instead, she pulled back up to a seated position and spread her legs just slightly.
"Can you come up here for me sweetheart?" Cedar's eyes flickered open at that and she patted her thighs to show what she had asked them to do. "Carefully now" she warned as Cedar moved to stand up immediately, forgetting that they had knelt long enough to lose the feeling in their limbs. Lainey helped them into an upright kneel and basically lifted them to straddle her thighs on the small couch. She pulled them forward into her by her hand on the small of their back and they immediately rested their head on her shoulder, turning their face into the crook of her neck. Lainey slowly massaged Cedar's thighs all the way to their ankles as they sat astride her, just lying still and breathing deeply into their neck.
Once she was sure she'd coerced enough blood flow into their legs that they wouldn't feel pins and needles shooting through them at any attempt to stand she carefully ruffled their hair and rubbed at the small of their back.
"I want you to hop off the couch for me, and we're going to head inside" Lainey spoke softly, turning her head so that her mouth was inches from Cedar's ear. Slowly Cedar pulled back from their position and shuffled backward off of her thighs, standing carefully on the wooden deck in front of her. Lainey followed them in standing up and rewarded their obedience with a light kiss to their forehead before grasping their hand and sliding open the door that led into their small living room.
They made their way through the house, Cedar following diligently behind as Lainey flicked locks and turned off lights one-handed, still using the other to anchor Cedar to her. The two walked through a small corridor off the living room and reached the door to their bedroom, the only light being provided by the small desk lamp Lainey had forgotten to turn off after grading papers earlier. She guided Cedar to sit on the edge of their bed, pressing a kiss to their nose when they did so. she then turned to turn off the light and pull her shirt over her head, unceremoniously unclipping her bra and donning a soft cotton shirt she knew Cedar loved to absentmindedly fiddle and grip the fabric of. Finally, she landed herself on the bed beside Cedar, who was watching her with tired eyes; aware of her every move but happy to continue floating in subspace as much as they could. Quickly she arranged their pillows and laid out on her back, reaching out to Cedar and patting the spot beside her.
"Come on sweetheart, let me hold you". As they were settling across the top of her chest; body pressed to the side of hers, she reached down to pull the blankets over them both. She crept one arm around Cedar's waist and used the other to cradle their head against her heart. "So good for me baby, you're always so good". Lainey kissed the crown of their head and held them tighter, returning to running her fingers through their hair the way she had been doing on the back porch.
Her soft reassurances and the loving strokes of her hand through their hair began to become less and less regular as she followed them into sleep, pressing a kiss into their hair and snuggling her face into their curls.