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"Sam, I'm hoooome!" Bucky shut the door behind him, pulling off his coat and hanging it on the rack. He wandered through to the small kitchen where Sam was sitting, looking through, yet another, case file.
"Hey, how was your day?" Sam looked up with a smile and Bucky noticed how tired his friend looked.
"Great, they gave me another solo mission today. Just recon, but you know, trust." Bucky was still buzzing with excitement but had toned it down when he saw Sam's exhausted state.
"Bucky, that's awesome! I told you, they just needed time," Sam smiled then quickly covered his mouth as he yawned. "Sorry."
"Have you been working through that all day?" Bucky sat down next to Sam, looking at the pile of files next to him, then the notebook teeming with Sam’s messy scrawl.
"Yeah, I've only got another seven files to go through, then I’ll send in the necessary intel."
"You look exhausted." Bucky gently reached over and took the notebook away. "You need a break, otherwise you're going to burn out. Come on, I'll make you some coffee and we'll watch Family Guy reruns so you don't have to think. You can have this back tomorrow morning."
Sam looked as if he was about to argue, then sighed. "Okay." He stood up, stretching and Bucky tried not to notice the way his shirt stretched across his chest as he turned neaten the piles. He turned to walk into the living room, then stopped. Turning back, he reached out and pulled Bucky into a quick hug. "Thanks for taking care of me. I really appreciate it." He released Bucky and wandered into the living room, collapsing on the couch with a sigh.
Bucky shook his head and walked over to the counter, switching on the coffee maker. That boy will be the death of me , he thought as he grabbed a couple of cups from the cabinet. "What do you want for dinner?" he called, realizing it was his turn to cook. After hearing no reply, he poked his head around the kitchen door and stopped as he realized Sam had already fallen asleep on the couch. One hand was sprawled on the floor and his mouth was slightly open. Bucky stared for a minute longer before slipping back into the kitchen to start a lasagne, moving quietly as to not disturb his gorgeous sleeping flat mate.
--
"Bucky?"
Sam poked his head into Bucky's room, frowning when he realized it was still dark. He had woken up at his usual time of 6:30, pulling himself out of bed and expecting to have to fight for the shower as they did every other morning. Finding it deserted, he made the most of it, showering before slipping into the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. After drinking his first cup and waking up some more, he realized it was going on 7 and Bucky still wasn't out of bed. He knew it was a meeting day for both of them and Bucky needed to be up sooner, rather than later, so he headed over to his room to check on him.
An anguished groan came out of the room and Sam stepped in, seeing a huddle of blankets that was hiding Bucky.
"Hey, you've got to get up. We meet with Sharon in an hour."
The blanket came back to reveal an extremely pale Bucky and Sam involuntarily took a step back. "Woah, you okay?"
"Yes," Bucky groaned again, “okay, no.”
"What happened? Are you okay? Can I get you anything? Should I call someone?" Sam felt a twinge of guilt as he looked down at his roommate.
Bucky went to answer but he was cut off by his arm making loud whirring sounds. “You need to step back,” he said, in an eerily calm voice. Sam obliged, and not a moment later Bucky’s arm recalibrated, violently.
“What the hell?”
Bucky was leaning against the bed frame, face now pinched in pain and breathing heavily. Bucky sighed and raised his eyes to look at Sam. The whirring had stopped.
“So, you know how it was storming last night?” At Sam’s nod, he continued, “IMayOrMayNotHaveBeenStruckByLightning.”
“You what?” Bucky opened his mouth to defend himself but didn’t get a word out before Sam started in on him. “No, you don’t get to say anything right now. What the actual everloving fuck, Bucky? You can't just say you got struck by lightning like it's nothing. (Bucky would've liked to say that he didn’t say it in such a manner, but, you know, Ranting Sam.) You could have been seriously hurt. From the looks of it, you did. Well, not you per say, but your arm. This is a new kind of stupid, Bucky, really.” Sam was now breathing heavily, glaring at an unbothered Bucky.
“Are you done? Good. As I was going to say, yes, I got struck by lightning. But, I was not hurt, just felt like a good slap to my- well, everything. Then, it all faded away, except my arm. It was still whirring like it wanted to recalibrate, so I did. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to do because now it seems to think it needs to recalibrate every 5 minutes. And it-.” Bucky stops himself, unsure of how Sam will react to the next piece of information.
“And it what?” Sam moved to sit next to him and Bucky let himself fall tiredly onto Sam’s shoulder.
“It hurts, Sam, everytime. It’s like I keep getting shocked.”
"Woah, okay. I- okay," Sam weighed up the options as Bucky leaned against him tiredly. "I'm going to make a few calls, alright?"
“Shuri?”
“Shuri. Hopefully, it’s something we can fix here and not fly across the Atlantic to have to fix. Do you need anything else?"
"Don't we have a meet up today?"
Sam remembered that he did, then shrugged it off. "You're more important. I'll be right back, okay?"
As he stood up, he heard Bucky murmur something as he dozed off, but he was unable to catch it. Something about wonderful and perfection . Sam forgot about it almost immediately, just glad his friend was getting some rest.
--
"IT’S NOT UNUSUAL TO BE MAD WITH ANYONE, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL TO BE SAD WITH ANYONE. BUT IF I EVER FIND OUT THAT YOU’VE CHANGED AT ANY TIIIIIME.”
Bucky moved around the living room, belting out the song at the top of his lungs as he cleaned, his iPhone playing in the dock behind him. He twirled around to pick up a couple of magazines, shaking his hips a little as he did so.
"IT’S NOT UNUSUAL TO FIND OUT I’M IN LOVE WITH Y-AAH!"
Bucky finished his spin facing the doorway where Sam was standing with his arms crossed, smirking. He immediately dropped his arms and stepped over to pause the music. In the silence, Bucky could see Sam trying not to laugh and leveled him with his best glare.
Sam snorted, then cracked up laughing. Bucky huffed and stormed past him into the kitchen, chucking a few papers into the garbage and staring out the window. He heard Sam enter and come to stand beside him. "I'm sorry, Bucky. I wasn't laughing at you, really."
"Right, you were just laughing at the immaculate condition of the living room because it's laughable that it could be that clean." Bucky rolled his eyes and opened the fridge, looking for something to make for dinner, coming up empty.
"It's - no, it's just good to come home to you, you know?" Bucky tried desperately not to think too much into that as Sam continued. "I sit there in meetings all day with stuffy boring people and I think to myself Who made these people in charge? Then I come home and you're here with your weird excitement about 60s music and I just wanted to break into song with you."
"Why didn't you?" Bucky felt the warm fuzzy feeling inside him growing. Even if Sam never saw him as anything more than just a friend, at least he was the kind that made his day better.
"I- I don't know." Sam shrugged.
"Well, let's make up for that." Bucky grabbed his hand and pulled him back into the living room, flicking through his iPhone quickly before finding the perfect song. He hit play and watched Sam's eyes light up as he started singing
"Listen, baby,
Ain't no mountain high
Ain't no valley low,
Ain't no river wide enough, baby.”
Bucky pulled Sam into the middle of the room, spinning him around in a circle as he laughed and picked up the next part of the song.
“If you need me, call me,
No matter where you are
No matter how far,
Don't worry, baby
Just call my name, I'll be there in a hurry
You don't have to worry”
The two boys eyed each other up for a second before smirking and screaming singing the next verse.
“CAUSE BABY, THERE AIN’T NO MOUNTAIN HIIIIIGH ENOUGH
AIN’T NO VALLEY LOOOOOW ENOUGH
AIN’T NO RIVER WIIIIIIIIDE ENOUGH
TO KEEP ME FROM GETTING TO YOU, BABY”
Bucky collapsed to the floor in the middle of the room, laughing too hard to continue. Sam sank down next to him in a similar state. After a while, they quietened down, the only sound in the room being the song playing in the background. Bucky looked up at Sam who was staring across the room, a smile playing on his face. Tell him, tell him now!
"I want pizza for dinner," Sam announced as if he had come to a very important decision. "And then we're going to watch Cupcake Wars all night."
Bucky raised an eyebrow, sitting up. "Feeling spontaneous are you?"
Sam nodded, still looking thoughtful. "Yeah, I think I am."
Bucky smiled and went to grab the phone book.
--
"Bucky, you're being unreasonable!" Sam huffed out a breath, glaring at his flatmate who was sitting at the table.
" I’m being unreasonable? Sam, you're the one standing there yelling at me!"
"I'M NOT - I'm not yelling." Sam made an effort to quieten down, but he felt the anger simmering beneath the surface. Why is he doing this?
"Yes you are, Sam. You're angry at me because I don't want to take money from your family for doing some odd jobs around your dock, which is ridiculous because it's my choice."
"Bucky, we can afford it now and as much as you deny it, you are struggling to stay on top of things with that scam they call disability. Just take the money," Sam sighed angrily. He couldn't understand why Bucky wasn't willing to accept help, after all it was an incredibly generous offer of Sarah to make to someone who was just her brother's roommate. He didn't have time for this anyway, he had his own problems to deal with, not excluding the whole Captain America thing - which is perfectly enough to deal with without his friend's dramatics.
"But I don't want to!"
Sam's patience finally ran out. "Damn it, Bucky, why can’t you just do what you're told?" He saw the way Bucky seized up at his words, but didn’t make the connection until the other man spoke.
“Do as I’m told? You want me to do as I’m told? To-to comply?” Sam winced, both at the words and chilling tone. “You want me to bring back him? The machine, the Zimniy Soldat, so you can just control me like everyone else? I guess that would make your life easier. Well, guess what? Fuck you. You can take your demands and shove them up your ass, Wilson.”
Before Sam could say or do anything, Bucky was out of his chair and bolting towards his room.
"Bucky -!"
The door slammed shut and Sam heard the lock click. He sat down, all the anger evaporated and put his head in his hands.
What the hell just happened?
Now that the frustration had cleared, Sam could see he was definitely in the wrong for getting so angry at Bucky and he needed to make it up to him. But he knew there was no way he was getting into Bucky's room now while he was upset.
Sam's eye fell onto his notebook and he grabbed it, quickly scrawling a note down.
Bucky,
I can't put into words how sorry I am. You were right, I overreacted. It's your decision whether you take the money or not. I shouldn’t have meddled. I know how much independence means to you.
I'm so sorry I lost my temper. I know that was the worst thing to do and I wish I could take it back but I can't so all I can do is ask that you please, please forgive me. I don't know what I can do to make it up to you but I will literally do anything. You know I didn’t mean what I said, not really. And even if you don’t know that, I’m telling you now: I didn’t mean it. Nobody can hurt you here.
Please come out?
Your stupid flatmate and hopefully still friend,
Sam
Standing up, Sam walked over to Bucky's door and stopped outside. He could hear the sound of even breathing- too even- from inside and slipped the piece of paper under the door, waiting until he heard Bucky walking over to pick it up. He sunk down, back against the wall and waited, just hoping that Bucky would open the door.
A few minutes later, he heard the lock click. Sam jumped to his feet as the door opened to reveal a red-eyed Bucky. Sam fought to hold his own tears back as he held out his arms, letting Bucky step into them.
Finally, Bucky sniffed and stepped back, looking at Sam.
"I'm sorry I yelled," Sam said quietly.
"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have gotten so mad. I get where you're coming from, I just -" Bucky sighed. "Sam, you know I'm independent. I want to feel like I got to where I am myself."
Sam nodded. "I know that, Bucky, and if that's really what you want then I can respect that. I just don’t want to see you not keep your head above water. Can we talk about that later?"
"Yeah. I guess we need to talk about -" Bucky left the sentence hanging.
"I'm not going to push it. I know it’s still there. Just know that I will never use you like that." Sam was hit with the memory from a few years ago, of Bucky’s face when he realized he lost control, again. He pushed it away, focusing on the Bucky in front of him.
"I know. I guess I just need more time to get over it."
"Take as long as you need." Sam hugged him again, rubbing his back soothingly. Forget missions, forget stuffy congressmen in stuffier suits. His friend needs help and that's his top priority right now.
--
Bucky sighed, staring out at the night sky. He shivered and pulled his jacket closer around him, still feeling the cool air whip at his skin.
Sam's old classmates had thrown a huge 'We graduated 20 years ago!' party in one of their apartments. Everybody was allowed to bring a plus one so Sam had invited him to come along. But after spending ten minutes socializing and trying to see where Sam had disappeared to, Bucky had found himself sitting on a couch with a drink in hand, wondering how long it would be until they could leave. He had deliberated just leaving, but was still edgy about walking the streets alone at night.
After awhile, Bucky had made his way out to the relatively ignored balcony. Occasionally someone would come out to smoke a quick cigarette - Bucky wrinkling his nose up at the smell - but for the most part, he was alone. He knew he could easily go back in there and make himself have a good time- he was a good conversationalist, when he wanted to. But Bucky didn't exactly want to make a fool of himself in front of Sam's high class friends.
At least Sam's enjoying himself, he thought. Sam had certainly seemed in his element, mingling with all of his old friends and immediately becoming the centre of attention. As such, Bucky didn't mind giving his friend a few hours to have fun. The door slid open, Bucky not bothering to turn around to see who else needed to work on destroying their lungs.
"Hey, Bucky."
Bucky turned to see Sam standing next to him, staring out into the night. "Hey. What are you doing out here?"
Sam turned to him. "You're out here," he said as if that made things clear.
"But the party's in there, your friends, fun stuff, you know?"
"Yeah. But you're out here." And with that, Sam turned to look over the balcony again, missing the strange look Bucky was giving him.
Don't read into it, Barnes.
But try as he might, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was changing between himself and Sam.
--
"You're kidding, right?"
Bucky laughed at the incredulous expression on Sam's face. "Nope, totally self-taught. The internet is a wonderful thing."
Sam whistled. "I sat through years of culinary lessons at LSU to get anything anywhere near edible, and you taught yourself?"
"Yup. Your turn." Bucky leant back against the couch, absentmindedly tracing patterns on Sam's arm which was casually draped around his neck. They had been getting themselves into positions like this for a while now and neither of them made any attempts to change it. Bucky was loving the contact, even if Sam only saw him as a friend.
"Hm. Okay, got it! The first time I ever watched Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I was with the Avengers and I had to leave at the end because I started crying during Dumbledore's funeral."
"Already knew that." Bucky smirked as Sam spluttered in outrage.
"I KNOW I didn't tell you, who did?"
"Nat." Bucky traced dots up Sam's arm.
"How did she - oh, nevermind. Of course Nat knew everything that happened at the Compound. Except..." he hesitated for a second. "Here's one that nobody else knows."
Bucky turned his full attention to Sam, letting his hand rest lightly on his arm.
"I spent my first six months with the Avengers crushing on Tony."
Bucky tried. He really did. But his mind had other ideas.
"You - you crushed o-on Tony! " Bucky burst into laughter, collapsing into Sam's side. To his credit, Sam laughed as well and Bucky could feel it right next to him -
"Yeah, and I knew he was taken too. I never told him or anyone else, I probably should sometime to see his reaction." Bucky straightened up slightly as his laughter eased, still leaning against Sam. As he thought of his next statement, he casually allowed his hand to tangle in Sam's, smiling softly when Sam didn't pull away. Tell him now! It's something he doesn't know about you for sure. The voice in his head piped up and Bucky considered it for a second. He opened his mouth -
"I was actually drafted, I didn’t enlist."
Welp.
"Really?" Sam turned to look at him, puzzled.
"But, it sounds better for Cap’s right hand man to have gone in voluntarily..."
--
"Hey, Bucky?"
"Yeah?"
"How long have you been in love with me?"
Bucky froze and Sam saw the panic in his eyes. He took his hand and squeezed it gently, watching Bucky draw up as much courage as he could.
"Since the Madripoor."
Sam raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?" Bucky nodded, looking down at the couch. "I don't get it, because I think I've only known that I'm in love with you for the past few weeks and it kills me every time I can't tell you. You're a lot stronger than I could ever be if you could go almost a year without saying anything."
Bucky raised his head, catching Sam's eye. "I'd say I'm surprised, but I'm not at the same time. It always felt like it was just a matter of time, you know?"
"Yeah, I do." Sam smiled before leaning in to gently kiss Bucky.
Finally , the small voice in his head piped up, you've waited too long for this.
Sam smiled against his roommate/friend/boyfriend's lips as he deepened the kiss, feeling Bucky respond eagerly.
Finally.