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“Fuckin’ scared me, you know that?”
V’s gaze flicked upwards to where Johnny was sitting across from her on the ledge of the roof. He’d been watching her since she’d followed Misty up to the rooftop; she’d seen him out of the corner of her eye, pacing back and forth while Misty talked about Jackie, only appearing in front of her when she’d left the two of them alone.
Now he sat on the rooftop’s ledge in front of her, his eyes boring into hers. No doubt trying to filter through everything raging through her mind…the exhaustion, the uncertainty.
The overwhelming, blinding fear of dying again.
“Thought you were on your way out.”
“No, still here,” V replied tiredly. A feeble attempt at humor that fell flat. Johnny’s frown deepened.
“For now.” His gaze lingered for a few long seconds before dropping to the ground. V closed her eyes, feeling his next words before he got a chance to say them. “You know, you should call anyone you wanna…say goodbye to.”
V smirked at him. “Not so confident in your output anymore?”
He glanced back up at her, but ignored her comment.
“Whatever you decide to do, the risk is high. We both know it. Things don’t go our way…” He paused, shaking his head and averting his gaze again. “Just fuckin’ do it. Pills can wait.”
For a split second, V’s mind went blank. What was she supposed to do with that? How was she supposed to decide who deserved to hear it from her, who deserved to find out now rather than weeks or months from now after she stopped picking up the phone?
Did she call Panam - a true friend, like Jackie had been - who’d reminded her of the life she’d given up, who hadn’t even known V when she risked everything to help her?
Or Mama Welles - the mother she never had, who had taken her in and cared for her as one of her own? Her own son had already lost his life only a few months ago, during a heist V herself shouldn’t even have come out of alive; the least she owed the woman was a phonecall.
Or Kerry who - despite the fact that they’d only known each other a few weeks - she’d found herself quickly becoming attached to? Hell, how was she even supposed to look him in the eye and tell him Johnny was gone after this was all over? If it was ever over?
And then, of course, there was-
“Judy,” V said finally, her voice cracking. Johnny just nodded.
“Yeah, even I’ve grown to like her,” he muttered lowly with a rare smile. Despite everything, V breathed out a chuckle.
“You oughta tell her that,” she muttered.
Johnny’s eyes darkened as they snapped up to meet hers. It took her a few seconds to realize the raging guilt that suddenly flooded through her wasn’t her own.
Despite her poorly-timed jokes, she was well aware of the fact that she might not be the one coming back.
Johnny looked away, as if giving her a bit of privacy, his eyes settling on the skyline behind him. V pulled up Judy’s name on her holo, suddenly desperate to hear her voice, to see her smile. She wished she were with her now, in fact…that she’d never even gone to Embers tonight in the first damn place.
When Judy answered - blinking sleepily with her BD wreath a little crooked - a pang of guilt shot through V when she realized what time it was. The comfort that instantly washed over her at the crooked little grin Judy gave her, however, won out.
“Oh…’ey, V,” she said, sitting upright and pulling the wreath off of her head, her voice a bit raspier than usual.
She must have fallen asleep at her desk again. It wasn’t uncommon for V to drag herself up the stairs to Judy’s apartment in the early hours of the morning, exhausted and beat to hell, only to find her passed out at her desk, BD wreath crooked and editing software still running in the background.
Judy yawned and blinked a few more times to wake herself up.
“Whas’ crackin’?”
“Hey,” V greeted, her lips curving upwards into a smile despite the lump forming in the back of her throat. “Sorry to wake you.”
“Eh, thas’ alright.” Her eyes narrowed as she focused on V, no doubt able to read her even over the holo. “What’s wrong?”
Before she could stop it, V’s bottom lip suddenly trembled. She quickly pulled it under her teeth and bit down hard. She could not cry. Not now, and especially not in front of Judy. She had to be strong…for both of them.
“Time we, um…we went swimming,” she said, her voice shaking despite her desperate attempts to stay calm. Judy frowned at her words, but quickly replaced it with a soft, cautious smile, humming softly in response.
“Lotta fun, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah,” V breathed, averting her gaze. Her heart thumped loudly in her chest as she fought with the words on the tip of her tongue, the ones that had been there for weeks now that she’d been to fucking terrified to admit out loud.
Shit. She couldn’t do this.
“What you said, ‘bout what you…sensed in me. When we were scrollin’…”
The smile was gone in an instant, and though V could tell she was trying to hide it, the suddenly terrified look in her eyes was hard to miss. That night, when she’d pulled V out of the water…they’d still been connected, and she’d felt everything. Johnny’s helplessness and her own fear of dying, of course, but she’d felt everything Judy had, too; every wild thump of her heart, the blinding terror at the sight of her own unconscious body, the relief that had flooded through her when V’d finally opened her eyes.
“Death,” Judy replied finally, her voice barely above a whisper.
“I wish…” V paused, letting out a long breath and averting her gaze again. “I wish it’d been somethin’ else. Somethin’…nice.”
“V, what the fuck are you doing?” Shit. V closed her eyes, forcing herself to take slow, steady breaths. “You’re about to do something stupid, aren’t you?”
Johnny snorted.
“No, I…” She opened her eyes again, only to be on the receiving end of a glare that was equal parts angry and terrified. “I just…wanted to hear your voice.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m fine,” V insisted weakly.
“Cut the shit, V. Where the hell are you?”
V let out a long, tired breath. There was no point in arguing…she knew Judy would just hack into her phone’s location software and track her down anyway. And besides…the longer they talked, the more V wished she was here, wished she could just sit with her, even for a few minutes.
“I’m at Vik’s,” she sighed finally. “Through the alley, take the elevator up to the roof.”
“I’ll be there in five minutes,” Judy replied, and with that the line went dead.
The silence that followed was deafening, despite the buzz of the city below them. Johnny finally met V’s gaze again, but she couldn’t read his expression.
“You really think this will be easier with her here?” he asked finally, his voice low.
“I don’t know,” V breathed honestly. Johnny’s gaze was suddenly too much, too intense, so she stared at the ground instead. “When Dex pointed the barrel of his gun at my head…in that split second, y’know the only thing that popped into my head?”
“Yeah, I do,” Johnny replied. V glanced back up at him, the look in his eyes serious. “‘Cause I thought the same thing.”
Of course he had. She’d seen his final moments, and despite it being a mere memory, she’d still felt his fear. His regret. But she’d never really thought about the fact that maybe…
Maybe it wasn’t her own memory of dying bleeding into his. Maybe he’d realized, just as she had, that he’d have no one left to miss him when he was gone.
“Come on, Johnny,” she replied finally, her voice low. “If you’d had a choice, wouldn’t you have wanted to see her one last time? To say goodbye?”
Johnny stared at her for a few long seconds, but she could see his answer reflected in his eyes. The guilt continued to flow through her, and endless stream of jumbled feelings. Rouge may not have known how much he’d cared for her, but V could feel it…the constant regret, eating away at him, surging inside of her every time he saw her face.
“We’ve come a long way to get here, haven’t we?” Johnny said finally, ignoring her question completely. He shook his head, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. “Just think…it all started in a fuckin’ landfill.”
“Yeah, an’ then you tried to kill me, ‘member?” V managed to quip back, despite her worsening headache.
“Well now I’m trying to save your sorry ass.” V rolled her eyes, knowing exactly where he was going with this. Manipulative asshole. “You can let me do that, or you can call Panam and her tarmac rats and have their blood on your hands for whatever life you’ve got left.”
“Johnny,” V warned with an irritated sigh, despite the pang of guilt that shot through her at the truth in his words. He ignored her.
“Or, you take Arasaka’s deal,” he continued, ignoring her still, emphasizing the last word with air quotes, “and sell your soul to the fuckin’ devil.”
“I know,” V snapped, from what felt like out of nowhere. She could feel his frustration and very real fear simmering inside of her, threatening to boil over. She let out a frustrated sigh and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and burying her face in her hands. “I just…need some time to think, okay?”
“You don’t have time.”
“I know,” she said again, her voice muffled against her palms.
Johnny stopped arguing, finally, but V didn’t look up at him. She couldn’t deal with his impatience, with the anxiety swirling in his eyes and in her own head every time he looked at her, every time she coughed or had to struggle to breathe.
She just needed to fuckin’ think.
“Your distraction is here.”
Finally V lifted her head and glanced in the direction of the elevator. Sure enough Judy was there, dressed in a pair of loose grey sweatpants and V’s favorite old tank top, her frantic eyes scanning the rooftop. V grabbed tightly to the arm of the plastic chair she’d been sitting in and pushed herself upright, but the second she did her vision clouded over and she stumbled.
“Jesus, kid. Sit the fuck down,” Johnny said, standing to hover in front of her despite the fact that he couldn’t do much to help. V just shook her head, waving him off.
“I’m fine,” she replied, blinking furiously to clear the dark splotches in front of her. She tried to take a step forward, towards Judy, but her head swam and she stumbled. Her palm smacked against the concrete before she even realized she was heading for the ground, pain shooting up her arm and through her body.
“Ah, shit…” she breathed, squeezing her eyes shut. She tried to push herself back upright but the pain in her head surged, going from a dull ache to blinding in mere seconds.
Warm, gentle hands suddenly grabbed her by the shoulders, and despite the blood rushing in her ears and the nauseating dizziness she could hear Judy’s soft voice, could still feel her carefully guiding her upright. V kept her eyes closed and tried to breathe, tried to calm herself down and let this pass.
It took a minute or two, but the nausea eventually subsided, her headache dulling to something a bit more manageable. She forced her eyes open only to meet Judy’s, wide and swirling with fear as she sat on her knees in front of her.
“You alright?” she breathed. V took a deep breath and nodded. She was still on the ground, but Judy had gotten her upright with her back against the ledge Johnny had been previously occupying. She could see him behind Judy, anxiously pacing back and forth.
“Yeah,” V breathed. Her hand shook when she lifted it, but still she concentrated, placing it flat against the pavement and pushing herself to sit up straight. “Yeah, I’m…I’m fine.”
“You’re not fuckin’ fine, V.” Judy let out an angry huff as she twisted to sit sideways next to her. “You look like shit.”
“We’re running out of time,” Johnny said impatiently, flickering into view sitting in the chair V had previously occupied. He took his sunglasses off and leaned forward. “One way or another, you need to take one of those pills soon before you’re gone for good.”
“Give us a fuckin’ minute, will you?” V snapped, gazing blearily over at him. He didn’t reply, and when he glanced over at Judy, V followed his gaze. She was staring at her, eyes swirling with both horror and confusion.
“You’re talkin’ out loud again,” he said finally, his voice low.
“No I’m-“
V paused. Of course she was talking out loud. She hadn’t even…how did she not notice?
“Can you…” she paused, glancing towards the elevator and then meeting Johnny’s gaze again. He sighed impatiently, but nodded and stood before disappearing from view. “Sorry,” she continued softly, her gaze flickering back to Judy. “He’s gone.”
“He’s not, though.” Judy leaned forward again, bringing her hand up to brush V’s hair back from her face. She tucked it behind her ear, letting her palm rest on the side of her face while she searched her eyes. “I can…see it. Him. You’re not you.”
“I know,” V breathed back. She knew it, and Johnny knew she knew it. But she’d been in denial, unwilling to admit that she’d been losing herself more and more as the days went on.
Letting him take the wheel had been a risk. It was one V was willing to take for him, of course; she knew he’d have understood if she’d refused, but she also knew how much he’d needed it. They both knew this could happen, that it could speed things up. That every time he took over, less of her would come back. It was easy to pretend he only existed when she could see him, despite knowing he was always there, lurking in the back of her mind. Even when he was quiet, she was never truly alone until she took a blocker.
But now…
Now she could feel him encroaching on her mind, taking over little by little. She didn’t know where she ended and Johnny began anymore, couldn’t get the taste of cigarettes and bitterness out of her mouth, couldn’t shake the feeling she was forgetting something. Forgetting herself.
Judy’d noticed, but had cautiously followed V’s lead and pretended not to see it. V would feel herself drifting and Judy would respond with patience and a light squeeze of her hand; she’d watch her carefully, her big, brown eyes wide with concern, and…and sometimes it just infuriated her. She didn’t know why, didn’t understand the sudden flare in her emotions and the overwhelming feeling that this wasn’t right, that he had to put a stop to this…that she was falling for this girl way too goddamn fast and if he couldn’t save her life in time, it would break V’s fuckin’ heart, and…
And then she’d blink. She’d remember that she was V. She’d shake her head and brush it off with a self-deprecating smile, insisting she was just tired, pushing down the guilt at Judy’s hesitant teasing that she didn’t get enough sleep. She’d pretend not to notice the spike in Johnny’s guilt just before he retreated into a dark corner of her mind, how quiet he’d be for the rest of the day.
She was losing control. Of her thoughts, of her words and her actions. She was speaking before the thoughts had formed in her head, she was doing things before realizing she was doing them. She was fading, fast. She needed to hurry the fuck up. If he didn’t get her to Mikoshi in time…he would never fucking forgive himself, not if it ended like this. Especially if it ends like th-
V blinked again.
Christ, Johnny. Can you please give me, like, five minutes.
Sorry.
He meant it, too. She could feel it, could feel his guilt weighing her down.
Judy was watching her, her brows furrowed in concern, her palm still resting on the side of her face. V leaned into it, forcing Johnny out of her mind and focusing on Judy.
Maybe it wasn’t just his guilt.
“I…I hafta do somethin’,” she breathed finally. She squeezed her eyes shut and gently pulled away, bringing her knees up to her chest and burying her face in her hands. She pressed the heels of her palms against her eyes as if she could shove Johnny right out of her head, taking this godawful splitting headache with him, too. “I…I can’t…” Her hands curled into fists against her forehead. She usually tried so hard not to let Judy see any of this, but now…it was too much. “I can’t keep him out anymore. I don’t…I don’t even…know who I am sometimes-“
“So what’re you gonna do about it?”
V let her hands fall away from her face, fists loosening as she glanced over to catch Judy’s gaze. The fear was still there, but now it was accompanied by fierce determination.
“I dunno, Jude,” V sighed weakly. “I…I don’t know what to do.”
Judy was silent for a few long seconds, averting her gaze while she thought.
“What about your…lead? With Arasaka?” she asked, a sharp bitterness coloring her tone at the mention of the corp, despite the subtle way her voice shook.
When V had hesitantly mentioned Hanako’s request to meet, curious as to what her reaction would be, Judy had been quick to share her opinion on the idea. She hadn’t brought it up again, and when she finally admitted she was out of time and set up the meeting, she’d kept it to herself.
It was just a discussion, after all. Nothing had to be decided then and there. She’d just needed more information first.
“There’s an access point,” V replied hesitantly. She adjusted herself upright again, pushing through the steadily worsening headache and the nausea fighting it’s way up. “Underneath Arasaka Tower.” Judy’s eyes narrowed at her, and V winced. “I, um…met with Hanako tonight.” Anger flashed through Judy’s eyes and she opened her mouth to reply, but V continued before she could. “She said they can remove the chip.”
“Yeah? In exchange for what?” Judy muttered back bitterly.
“For…” V hesitated again. Judy noticed, and her frown deepened. “Testifying against Yorinobu.”
Judy gaped at her, then immediately shook her head.
“No. No way,” she said, blinking back the wetness that had suddenly begun sparkling in her eyes. “That’s fuckin’ suicide, V.”
“I gotta get to Mikoshi,” V replied softly, letting out a long, exhausted sigh. “It’s the only way to separate me and Johnny before…”
She trailed off, but the way Judy averted her gaze to the ground told her she knew what she was going to say.
“There’s gotta to be another way.” Her brows furrowed as she thought, and she glanced around the rooftop as if the answer was there, right in front of their faces.
And then suddenly she froze, narrowing her eyes at something in the distance.
“That’s not yours, is it?”
V followed her gaze, and her eyes fell on the black pistol Vik had given her. Judy knew how much V favored Johnny’s Malorian lately. She shook her head.
“Nah, Vik’s.”
She regretted the words the second they were out of her mouth. Judy’s reaction was instantaneous, having put two and two together before V realized the implications. Suddenly she was on her feet, turning away from V as she began pacing.
“Shit,” V muttered under her breath, the guilt flooding through her the second she realized what she’d said. She took a deep breath, steeling herself, then placed her palms flat on the ground and pushed herself up. It sent a fresh wave of pain through - well, everything - but she pushed through it and managed to steady herself.
Judy was still pacing; V blinked a few times in an attempt to stop her head from spinning, then crossed the space between them, catching Judy as she turned around. She curled her fingers around her upper arms, holding onto both to keep her still and keep herself upright.
“Jude-“
“That’s not an option, V,” Judy whispered, her voice shaking. She reached up and grabbed V by the face with both hands, looking her straight in the eyes. “You fuckin’ hear me? Not an option.”
“I know,” V replied softly, the only thing she could bring herself to say. The horrified, heartbroken look in Judy’s eyes was one she hoped to never, ever see again. She reached up and curled her fingers around each of Judy’s wrists, pulling her hands away from her face and then sliding her own down to squeeze them tightly. Judy’s eyes bore into hers, wide and sparkling with tears she was adamantly trying to hold back.
She’d been standing too long. She felt herself swaying a bit, and Judy quickly grabbed onto her shoulders to steady her. She guided her back to her chair, helping her to sit before kneeling in front of her.
V shook her head and blinked furiously, trying to focus. Her head was killing her.
Johnny was right. She needed to make a damn decision. The pills couldn’t wait anymore.
“Guess there’s no way around it, then,” Judy said finally, her voice flat despite still being visibly shaken. V met her gaze wearily. “Arasaka…invited or not.”
“Yep,” V sighed. Judy frowned, averting her gaze for a second while she thought it over before running her hands through her hair with an exasperated sigh and meeting V’s gaze again.
“Do you trust Hanako?”
V hesitated.
“I trust Goro,” she replied. Judy shot her a look.
“So, no.”
V let out a long breath before replying. “Do I trust that she’ll try to help me? Honestly…yeah, I do. But her motives?”
“She’s still Arasaka,” Judy offered with a sigh. “They both are.”
“I know,” V replied. Judy was right. Just because she trusted Goro didn’t mean he’d be able to protect her. Besides, he was loyal to a fault. He may have saved her life once, but given the choice, V knew he would never betray Hanako…even for her.
“You gotta plan?” V’s eyes flitted back up to meet Judy’s. “To break in. ‘Cause you sure as hell ain’t doin’ it in this state.”
“The blockers…they’ll help,” V answered, but Judy didn’t look convinced. “They’ll slow it down, give me a little more time. Not a lot, a day or two, probably.”
“You’ll still need help,” Judy replied, to which V nodded.
“I can call Panam. The Aldecaldos might help.”
“And if they don’t?”
V met Judy’s eyes and let out a long breath.
“Then…I could take the other meds. Give Johnny control again.”
“You outta your fuckin’ mind?” Judy replied incredulously.
“He got me here, Jude. To Vik. Woulda flatlined otherwise.”
“Yeah, an’ it almost killed you by the looks of it.”
“My body, my mind…it’s mostly his. He has better control.” Judy’s eyes narrowed irritably. Johnny was a bit of a sore subject. She wasn’t a fan. “He’d have more time than I would. He could get me to Mikoshi.”
Judy huffed irritably. “Probably what he wants you to think.”
“She really doesn’t trust me?” Johnny drawled suddenly. He blipped into V’s view and stared down at Judy, his arms crossed. “After everything she and I have been through together?”
V let out an irritated huff. “Shut up.”
Judy followed V’s gaze, and she realized she’d been talking out loud again. She lifted herself to her feet, crossing her arms tightly across her chest and narrowing her eyes at nothing in particular. Johnny took a half-step to the side so she was actually looking at him, and Judy shot him that look, the one she only got when she was really pissed.
“If you hurt her…I will find you, you fuckin’ hear me?”
Despite the pure anger and fear simmering in her eyes as she stared daggers into - well, to her, at least - thin air, V couldn’t help the amused uptick of her lips. Johnny, looking positively offended - and a little impressed - shot a glance over at V and gestured towards Judy.
“You’re just gonna let her talk to me like that?”
V just rolled her eyes.
“Yes. Now kindly fuck off.”
Johnny let out a huff and disappeared again.
Judy took a deep breath and backed up to sit on the ledge in front of V, resting her elbows on her knees and burying her face in her hands. V began pushing herself out of her chair so she could kneel in front of her, but a sudden wave of dizziness overwhelmed her and she stayed put, gripping the arm rests so tightly she was a little surprised the plastic didn’t snap under the strength of her cybernetic hands.
“Do you trust him?” Judy asked finally, lifting her head again to meet V’s eyes with her own uncertain gaze.
“Yes,” V replied without hesitation. “I do, Jude. I know you don’t, but…” She paused at the sudden tightness in her chest that she wasn’t totally convinced was her own. “He’s had my life in his hands enough for me trust him with it.”
Judy was quiet for a few deafeningly long seconds, but finally - reluctantly - nodded.
“Then…I guess I do too,” she replied lowly. “But I’ll still kill ‘im if he tries anythin’.”
“I expect nothing less.” Judy met V’s gaze and rolled her eyes, but she still saw the faintest upwards twitch of her lips.
It was brief, however; a split second later she frowned, her eyes filled with concern again. V opened her mouth to ask what was wrong, but it was then that she felt the wetness on her lips. She quickly reached up to wipe the fresh blood dribbling from her nose, but her haste sent a fresh wave of dizziness through her and she gripped the armrest again.
This time it did crack, and the next thing she knew she was on the ground, blinking up at Judy’s horrified expression as she knelt next to her.
“I’m fine,” she breathed, coughing wetly as she tried to push herself up. Judy just huffed as she helped her back up.
“You fuckin’ blacked out, V.”
V could only frown. Everything was starting to get a bit hazy; she hadn’t even realized it. Judy reached out to wipe the blood from V’s face but V pushed her hand away, doing it herself. Johnny was back, pacing back and forth over Judy’s shoulder. When he sensed her looking at him he shot her a look, heavy anxiety and very real fear swirling around in his eyes and in her chest.
“Jude, I…” She tore her gaze away from Johnny’s to meet Judy’s instead. “I need to…talk to Johnny.” Judy frowned, but nodded. She twisted to push herself up from the ground, but V reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze before she could. “I just need a minute. Meet me by the elevator?”
“Okay,” Judy replied softly, all of the anger she’d held earlier now faded into something much softer, much more terrified. V squeezed her hand one more time before letting her go. Judy let her gaze linger on V for a few long seconds, eyes swirling with too many emotions for V’s tired mind to keep track of, before reluctantly standing and quietly heading for the elevator.
V drew her knees up to her chest, hugging them tightly and burying her face in her arms. Johnny had the decency to wait a minute before speaking, and when he did, she glanced up to see him sitting on the chair Misty had previously occupied. He was watching her carefully.
“You alright?”
“I’m gonna ask Panam for help,” V replied, ignoring his question. She took a deep breath and pushed herself up from the ground again, fueled by her newfound determination. She pulled herself back into her chair, giving herself a few seconds to breathe through the dizziness before reaching for the omega blocker sitting on the table next to Vik’s pistol. She stared down at it, letting it sit in her palm.
“You absolutely sure? No goin’ back on this, you know.”
“I know,” V said softly. She let out a long breath and finally met his gaze. “Were a lot alike. I trust her.”
“Gotta feelin’ you’ll regret this,” Johnny said lowly, then sighed. “And by the time you realize it, I won’t be there to help.”
“Maybe I will,” V replied darkly. She averted her gaze downward again, back at the pill in her hand. “This...this could be it, you know? And I just...” She closed her eyes, lowering her voice.” “If this is how I go...I just wanna be there for it. Aware.”
Johnny was silent for a few long seconds; V could feel his apprehension, his worry. Then he stood from his chair and blipped out of view.
V just sighed and lifted her hand to her lips, tossing the pill back and swallowing, wincing as it slid down her throat. Johnny appeared again, standing in front of her now. Then he reached out to place a hand on her shoulder.
She couldn’t physically feel his touch, but when she glanced up to meet his heavy gaze, she felt him. Every ounce of his concern, his anger and frustration, the softness she knew he had for her but never let her see.
“See you inside Mikoshi,” she said softly. He smiled wistfully down at her, squeezing her shoulder before turning and blipping away.
Good luck, V.
“Johnny?” There was no answer. V let out a long breath. “Guess it’s just me now,” she muttered to herself.
She gave the blocker a few minutes to kick in, her mind racing as she started to feel Johnny fade and her strength return. She had no idea how to even bring this up to Panam; this was a huge favor, one that couldn’t be paid back with a little extra firepower on a minor Militech raid. She was about to ask Panam to put the entire clan at risk. For her…again.
If she said no - which she had absolutely every reason to do - her only backup plan was to put her trust Hanako.
Before she could talk herself out of it V pulled brought up Panam’s number on her holo. Her heart pounded heavier with each ring, and when Panam finally answered, she had a split second pang of regret.
“V?” Her voice was low and raspy.
“Hey, Pan,” V replied with a wince. She’d definitely woken her up.
“Do you know what time it is?” Panam grumbled back.
“I know, I know, but…I need your help.” She offered Panam a halfhearted grin. “And you owe me a favor.”
“I owe no one favors at three am,” Panam replied with a disgruntled yawn. “What’s so damn urgent it couldn’t wait ‘til morning?”
“I...need a way into Arasaka Tower.” V paused and winced again. “Now.”
“Sorry...what?” Now Panam was awake, and frowning at V through the holo.
“I’m serious. The relic, the- the whole thing with Johnny…I’m runnin’ out of time. If I don’t do something soon…I’m done. Gone. Either he’ll take over, or I’ll-“
“V, slow down,” Panam cut in. She closed her eyes briefly and shook her head. “First…why Arasaka Tower?”
“The tech. Underneath the tower they’ve got an access point to...well, odd as it sounds, it’s like...a prison of souls.”
“A...prison of souls?” Panam repeated, raising a brow at her. V sighed and leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and pinching the bridge of her nose.
“I knew this probably wouldn’t fly over the holo,” she mumbled lowly. “Mikoshi, that’s what it’s called. Part of the Secure Your Soul program.” Panam nodded with understanding. “It’s the only place Johnny and I can disentangle for good. It...it’s my only chance.”
“Okay, so…lemme get this clear,” Panam began, narrowing her eyes. “You called me, at high moon, to help you break into Arasaka Tower, right now…or you’ll die?”
V winced again as another wave of guilt washed over her. Johnny was right. This was a mistake.
“‘Bout the gist of it. Yeah.”
Panam was silent for a second as she thought that over.
“Okay.”
V blinked. “Wha- okay?”
“Where are you?”
“Pan, are you sure? I’m asking a lot of y-“
“Shut up. Where are you?”
V let out a long, relieved - but still guilty - breath.
“Vik’s clinic.”
“The ripper?”
“Yeah.”
“Right. I know where that is.” Panam gave her a single nod, already standing and moving around her tent. She paused briefly, just to shoot V a glance. “Could you hold off on dying for a bit?”
Despite everything, V chuckled under her breath.
“I’ll give it a shot, sure.”
“Great. Don’t go anywhere. I’m coming to get you.”
With that she hung up, throwing V into silence once more.
V stood carefully, grateful that the Omega Blocker seemed to be doing it’s job and that she didn’t immediately keel over. She rolled her shoulders and flexed her cybernetic arms, watching the plates shift slightly before settling back into place; she definitely wasn’t at her full strength - she hadn’t been for a couple weeks, if she was being honest with herself - but it would have to do. She turned to the door that let to the elevator, pocketing the unused pseudoendotrizine and leaving Vik’s gun on the table.
When she turned the last corner that led to the elevator she found Judy waiting for her, leaning back against the wall with her arms crossed. She stood upright as V approached her but hung back, eyeing her carefully.
“...V?” she asked hesitantly, her voice no louder than a breath.
Instead of answering her V closed the space between them, taking Judy’s face between her hands and pressing her lips hard against hers. V could feel the instant relief hit her and she relaxed into it, dropping her hands so she could wrap one of them tightly around V’s wrist and slide the other around her waist, pulling her closer.
“It’s me,” V breathed, her lips moving against hers. She let her forehead rest against Judy’s, opening her eyes to gaze down at her, taking in the details her face. Her wide, exhausted brown eyes, the smudged eyeliner at the corner. The stubborn piece of hair that wouldn’t stay behind her ear. The way she looked at her, like maybe...
Maybe she was worth all this trouble.
“Panam’s on her way,” she said finally.
Judy let out a breath and offered her a tired but relieved smile. V pulled away and reached for the elevator control panel; Judy let her hand fall to grasp V’s tightly, not letting go until they were back on the ground floor and Misty greeted them just outside of her shop.
It took about twenty minutes for Panam to arrive. In the meantime V introduced Judy to Misty - properly this time, considering they’d apparently only briefly met in the alley on Judy’s arrival - who helped distract them by reading V’s tarot; well, hers and Johnny’s. Despite starting off hopeful, Misty seemed concerned and it admittedly made V a bit nervous. Then she’d offered to read Judy’s, who’d seemed unsure at first, but ultimately agreed after an encouraging smile from V. Afterwards Misty paused, studied Judy for a few long seconds, and then disappeared into the back room.
“I gave one to V, too,” Misty said when she returned. “It’s not much, but it might help.”
Judy stared down at the dreamcatcher as it was placed in her hands, her brows furrowed and her eyes cloudy.
“Thanks,” she replied softly, offering Misty a soft smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes.
The rumble of an engine outside on the quiet street suddenly met V’s ears; she glanced anxiously towards the door, standing up straight from where she’d been leaning against the counter. The rumbling turned into a low roar just before stopping in front of the shop.
“I think that’s for you,” Misty said, her eyes darting towards the noise as she began putting her cards away.
“Yep, no mistakin’ that ride,” V muttered back lowly, her lips twitching upwards as the door slid open with a twinkle of bells.
“You fuckin’ scared me, you know that!?” Panam greeted angrily, stopping in the doorway and glaring at V with her hands on her hips.
“Thought nothin’ could scare you,” V quipped back weakly. She caught a flicker of something that resembled fear and vulnerability in Panam’s eyes, but it was gone as quick as it had come. “Sorry,” V added lowly.
Panam let out a long breath and dropped her hands from her hips, crossing her arms tightly across her chest instead.
“Jesus, you really do look terrible,” she muttered softly, once she’d gotten a better look at her. V let out a humorless huff.
“Yeah, and I feel even worse,” she replied.
“Then we best not waste any time. We have a long road ahead of-“
Suddenly Panam stopped, her eyes flitting to something behind V before she grinned.
“You must be the mysterious output that’s turned this one-“ she paused and jabbed a thumb at V, “-into a blubbering idiot.”
“I don’t blubber,” V muttered under her breath, her ears warm.
“That’s the part that offended you?” V just rolled her eyes. “I take it that’s a yes?”
“Uh, yeah. This is Judy. Jude-“ V paused, glancing over at Judy, silent as she watched Panam with careful, slightly narrowed eyes. “-this is Panam.”
“Nice to finally meet you,” Panam replied, shooting V a pointed look before offering Judy an easy smile. “I’ve been begging her to bring you out to the camp for weeks. When this is all over, no more excuses.”
“Alright,” Judy said finally. She offered Panam a cautious smile, seemingly unsure what to make of her. A deafening silence followed, and Judy’s eyes flickered over to meet V’s. “You should get going,” she added softly.
“Um…yeah. Right.”
Panam, taking that as her queue, turned on her heels and retreated back through the door.
“Everyone’s waiting for us at camp,” she said over her shoulder.
“Look out for yourself, V,” Misty called behind them, and V turned to face her again. She was watching her, her brows furrowed, uncertainty in her eyes.
“You too, Misty,” V replied softly, to which Misty responded with a soft smile. V swallowed thickly against the burn in the back of her throat. “And…thanks. For everything.”
She had to keep her shit together. No distractions. If she started treating this as a goodbye, she’d never leave.
V took a deep breath and glanced back over to Judy, who had set her new dreamcatcher down on the counter and was wringing her hands nervously, her eyes on the floor.
“Walk me out?”
Judy’s eyes flitted up to meet V’s and she nodded before silently following her out of the Esoterica. Panam was waiting for them, frowning down at her phone, leaning back against the driver’s side door of her truck as she typed on it.
“Val…” Judy began softly, her voice low and uncertain.
V met her gaze, her heart actually, physically fluttering in her chest at the sound of the nickname on her lips, as it always did on the rare occasion she used it. The sensation was short lived, however, quickly fading into something that more resembled guilt when she noticed how glassy Judy’s eyes were, how hard she was trying to hold back tears.
V let out a heavy sigh, reaching up to rest both hands on either one of Judy’s shoulders, letting the pads of her thumbs brush lightly across her skin. Panam, thankfully taking that as her queue, climbed into the truck and pulled the door shut behind her with a loud thud.
“Whatever you two are gonna try…” Judy continued finally, once they were alone, her voice strong again despite the contradicting fear swirling in her eyes. “Promise me you’ll be careful, alright? No gonk moves.”
“Yes ma’am,” V replied softly. Judy blinked and a tear escaped, but V was quick to raise a hand and brush it away with her thumb before it slid down her cheek. She cupped the side of Judy’s face with her palm, offering her an encouraging smile that she desperately hoped was reflected in her eyes. “Not the first time I’ve raided Arasaka, remember?”
Judy’s brows furrowed into a disapproving scowl.
“I’m serious, V.”
“So am I,” she promised. “Got it all under control. Promise.”
Judy let out an irritated huff.
“Said that last time, remember?” she muttered back with a roll of her eyes, but V was still satisfied with the slight twitch of her lips she received as Judy tried to hold back a smile.
“Well, this time I mean it.”
V leaned forward to press her lips softly against hers, but just as she was about to pull away Judy reached for her, holding V’s face between her hands to kiss her again, deeper this time. V let out an involuntary gasp into her mouth, all of the breath suddenly knocked right out of her lungs, and let her free hand drop to Judy’s waist in order to steady herself.
“V, I…” Judy breathed when she finally pulled away, but she hesitated. She averted her gazed downwards, letting out a soft sigh and shaking her head slightly before she met V’s eyes again. “Just…be safe. I’ll be here waitin’.”
V could only nod, her throat suddenly very dry. She leaned in for one last kiss, memorizing how she felt, the taste of her lips, the softness of her skin. And when she finally forced herself to pull away, she did the same with her face: the soft yet terrified smile her lips curved into, the flecks of pink in her wide, brown eyes from the neon across the street, her hair falling forward from where it had been tucked behind her ear.
Where V found the strength to let her go, she had no idea. But suddenly the moment was gone, and Judy was backing away from the truck as V pulled away from her and made her way around the front of it to pull open the passenger’s side door. She gingerly pulled herself up into the seat, her arms flexing with the effort, her nerves absolutely on fire.
When she’d finally settled into her seat with a pained gasp she glanced up to find Panam watching her with a raised brow and an amused look on her face.
“Damn.”
“Shut up,” V mumbled under her breath. If the sudden heat prickling at the tips of her ears was any indication, they were probably bright red again; this was exactly why she’d dragged her feet introducing them in the first place. Panam just snorted, shaking her head as the truck’s engine roared to life and she began backing out of the alley.