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It had probably been a “thing” long before this moment, but the solid beginning of Tommy’s crisis was during a quiet evening in Snowchester while hanging out with Tubbo and Ranboo. Who were married.
Platonically .
Tommy didn’t even know what the fuck that word had meant, casually mentioning it to the couple. It had sent Ranboo off on a small tangent about how it meant they were “still just friends” and there were “no real feelings involved” and whatever. What stuck out to Tommy was that there just. Wasn’t any romance. None. Only two friends who still technically “loved” each other, and decided to make the friendship more permanent. Through marriage .
Of course, it was also for tax purposes, which Tommy could 100% get behind, but still.
“So y- y- y– So you’re married but. J-just as friends?” The question makes Tubbo roll his eyes playfully, even through Tommy’s utter confusion.
“ Yes ,” he responds. “We’re still just friends.” Tubbo waves his hand dismissively, making the ring on his finger glint in the light of the lanterns. “The whole thing was my idea so we could get out of Eret making us pay rent. Worked out pretty well if I do say so myself.”
Ranboo laughed at his husband’s(?) comment. “Very true, considering we still haven’t paid taxes.”
Tommy just blinks, eyebrows furrowed. “But like the- the– like there’s none of that–” he shakes his hands around a bit, trying to express what he was thinking “– none of that ‘feelings’ shit?” Both of them shake their heads. “But you’re married, ” he said, almost expecting there to be a new answer to the same question.
Tubbo and Ranboo just glance at each other before Ranboo speaks up again. “Well, there are technically feelings, it’s just that there’s no romance like what you’re thinking.”
“How do you know-w wh-what I’m thinking bitch–”
“My feelings for Tubbo are exactly the same as they were before we got married, I view him as one of my closest friends and he sees me the same way.” Ranboo pauses. “I hope,” he adds, glancing at Tubbo again, sighing in relief when he gets a solid “yep” in response. “But yeah. Just friends.”
It. Made sense. But also it didn’t. Tommy always thought that marriage was what Wilbur had with Sally. He remembers all the stories the man would tell about how perfect she was, how their relationship had started, how they were so madly in love with each other and had pushed them to get married and have Fundy. Wilbur had described the pure joy and infatuation he had for her, and to Tommy, that’s what marriage was.
Tommyinnit was a Big Man, and Big Men like Wilbur liked women and were in love with them and got married.
But here were Tubbo and Ranboo, married, but not in love.
“Tommy?” Tubbo’s voice jerked Tommy away from his thoughts. “You good big man?”
“I–” There it was. Tommy was definitely a big man, that’s what he called himself and what everyone around him knew him as. But he wasn’t so sure anymore. “I’ll get back t-t- I’ll get back t’you on that one Tubs.”
Tubbo gives Tommy a sad smile and reaches out, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Feel free to talk to us if you need to. Either of us,” he says, nodding towards Ranboo on the last bit.
The sincerity of it throws Tommy off-guard, so he falls back to what he knows best. Deflection. “Yes, I’ll be s-sure to get advice on w-w– advice on women from Boob Boy,” he deadpans, and it sends Tubbo and himself dissolving into a fit of cackles as Ranboo desperately tries to defend himself.
The rest of the night continues as normal, with the concept of platonic marriage shoved far far away in Tommy’s mind.
See here was the thing. Tommy had never really felt anything about women. Or men either. Sure he’d interacted with both and had close friends of either gender, but he’d never actually been “in love” quite like how Wilbur had described it. There was no spark of joy or right-ness or, well, love . He had always been completely and totally content with being friends with someone like Tubbo or Niki, not wanting anything more, not developing anything more, and being content with that.
Somewhere along the line, he had started making jokes about it, constantly bringing up women and how many wives he had. It was a funny bit for sure, but that’s all it was. Just a bit. A funny joke about “Big Man Innit” and how having wives or girlfriends was somehow a part of it. Half the time the bit had just made Tommy feel hollow, like he was lying to everyone about something. Which, really, he was. Tommy had never loved a woman before, and joking about it just made people laugh and move on so he didn't have to think about it.
Part of him wondered if it would always be that. Just a joke.
He’d once gone to Wilbur with his dilemma, only to be met with a hair ruffle and reassurances of “I’m sure you’ll find someone someday Toms,” but that wasn’t enough. Tommy wanted to know why he wasn’t in love with anyone or why he'd never felt anything even remotely close to what Wilbur had described.
After that, he’d thought that it was a matter of opinion, eventually deciding to seek out Quackity to ask how it worked with him and his fiances. The man had gladly rambled on about how happy he was with Karl and Sapnap, how the three loved each other mutually, and had decided to get engaged as a trio. The equality of it all was nice, but it still wasn’t what Tommy was looking for. Big Q had still talked about that whole “love” thing, and it sounded very similar to what Wilbur had said, just with an added person.
Which left Tommy exactly where he had started.
He was forced to be content with leaving it there, what with exile and the discs and Dream, but now that his two best friends were platonically married, Tommy couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was quite often that he found himself stuck in the same train of thought, whether he was gathering materials, watching the prison, or just wandering the smp.
Since moving into the mansion with Tubbo and Ranboo, it had been very easy for Tommy to observe them and their relationship. The two of them were almost disgustingly domestic, doing all those things that normal sappy couples did, like living together and holding hands and cuddling on the sofa, hell, they even had a kid that they took care of! Granted, Tommy would also die for Micheal, but that's beside the point. The point was that Tubbo and Ranboo acted just like a married romantic couple was supposed to, but they somehow weren’t a romantic couple. It left him with more questions than before and absolutely no answers.
“F-fuckin’ Tubbo and Ranboo ,” he mutters to himself. “Can’t fuckin’ b-be lieve them, gettin’ all m-m- all married ‘n shit.” Tommy continues his distracted mumbling as he wanders through the massive spruce forest near Snowchester. He’s not really sure where he is after a couple of hours, but he’s sure enough that he can find his way back when he needs to. Honestly, Tommy wasn’t exactly sure why he had left this time. Something about Snowchester had gotten stifling, the quaint mountain village feeling constricting, and Tommy just needed to get out. And here he was. Out. In the woods.
Kicking one of the piles of snow, Tommy watches as the white powder falls back to the ground, thoughts still consumed with ideas of love and platonic marriages. People can just. Do that? Tommy assumed people had to be in love to do all the things couples did. Honestly, he figured he’d never get that close with anyone. But it was fine. Tommy was (had forced himself to be) content with that. He’d never been in love, and doubted he ever would be. So all the hugging and hand holding and intimacy had felt. . . off-limits.
Thinking must have made him lose track of his surroundings, and his thoughts are swiftly interrupted as Tommy slams into a solid wall that has somehow been placed in the middle of the woods for some ungodly reason-
“What are you doin’ here. Again. ” Oh. Well, that answers that question.
“Uhhhhhhhh-” Tommy swallows, looking up at the towering form of motherfucking Technoblade because of course it was Techno’s shitty forest he had wandered to- “I’m. . . not. Sure.”
Techno raises an eyebrow, clearly suspicious, but this time Tommy isn’t lying. He’s not sure if Techno knows that, but still. It counts for something, he thinks. “I don’t suppose I can just ask you to leave, can I? I’ve actually got stuff I need to do, so if you could maybe just-”
“I can-n-n help you!” Tommy isn’t sure why he offers, but Techno hasn’t killed him on sight and he counts that as a good enough reason to want to hang out with them.
“Absolutely not,” Techno replies instantly.
Tommy groans. “Awwwww-w-w, come o-on!” He sits up, brushing the snow off of the soft red and white jacket Ranboo had gifted him when he moved into Snowchester. “W-w-w-what are you d-doing anyw-w-way?”
“Phil needs a bunch of wood for another project of his, so I’m just–” Techno stops, looking back down at Tommy. “Why am I tellin’ you this, I don’t want your help–”
“W-w-w-well you- you- yo- well you will be happy to kn-know that I, Tommyinnit, am-m-m incredibly good at all things regarding w-wood, and w-will gladly off- off- offer you my services!” Tommy shuffles around in his inventory and pulls out a very well-made axe, and–
“Isn’t that mine? ”
Well fuck. Tommy looks down at the tool in his hands and yep, that’s the Axe of Peace, shit– “It’s a- it’s a- it’s a v-v-very nice axe,” Tommy says carefully, slowly holding it out. “Do you. . . w-w-want it? Back?”
There’s an awkward moment where Tommy is convinced Techno will kill him, even with how well the interaction had gone so far, and he mentally prepares himself to get the fuck out of there as fast as he possibly can.
“Nah, you can keep it.”
“Wait, what?”
Techno just rolls their eyes and turns away from Tommy. “I said you can keep it. Doesn’t mean that much to me anymore. Got myself a new one.” With that, Techno pulls out an axe from his own inventory, far more impressive than the one Tommy holds.
“Holy- holy shit that’s-s-s cool!!!” With a huff, Techno starts walking away and Tommy, predictably, follows him, continuing to ramble. “I didn’t kn-know that you could- could- you cou- I didn’t know you m-m-made designs th-that sick, it’s s-s- it’s so fucking cool, w-w-w-what’s that one ev-ev-even made of–”
“If you must know,” Techno says, abruptly interrupting Tommy, “Ranboo made this for me. It was rent.”
“Rent?” Tommy scoffs. Only Ranboo would make an entire enchanted Netherite axe for someone as rent . “I didn’t- didn’t p- didn’t pay r-r-rent.”
“Of course you didn’t, you were helpin’ me. I only started charging rent after you–” He pauses. Both of them know what he wants to say. “–left.”
“Oh.” There’s another pause, this one longer, before Tommy quietly speaks up again. “I am-m-m sorry ab-about. . . that. A-a-all of-f-f it.” Techno almost looks surprised, a testament to how shocked he actually was that Tommy even said anything, and Tommy finds himself just as shocked to realize he had been telling the truth.
Techno carefully shifts back, stance more open, less guarded than he had been a few seconds ago. “You know I can’t fully trust that Tommy,” he says, but it isn’t a downright ‘no’. Still, Tommy, contrary to popular belief, knows when to cut his losses.
“Yeah, I know,” he replies simply. “But can I at- at l- can I at least hang out for a bit r-r-right now?” Techno looks skeptical, and Tommy immediately adds on, “J-j-just while w-w-we’re out here! N-n-not like I’m-m-m gonna follow you home o-o-or some shit.” He doesn’t want to go back to the Arctic, not really, but secretly he thinks it would be nice to be on at least semi-decent terms with Technoblade.
Either way, he doesn’t think he wants to be completely alone in whatever mini-crisis he was having before.
Eventually, Techno just lets out a long sigh. “ Fine. ” A grin works its way onto Tommy’s face, and he can’t help but feel genuinely excited at the prospect of hanging out with The Blade again, even if it was for cutting down trees.
“T-that’s fantastic to hear, big man, now you need- need- you need w-w-wood, right?” Tommy is already heading off to a patch of trees, Techno following almost reluctantly.
“Yyyyep.” Techno eyes the Axe of Peace that Tommy still carries. “At least you have the right tools for it.”
“ ‘Course I do,” Tommy scoffs. “ “M always prepared, gotta be ready for anything on this shithole of a server.”
There’s a moment of consideration from Technoblade. “You’re not wrong there,” he admits. “What were you doin’ earlier anyways?” he adds, turning to face Tommy again. “Not exactly on-brand for you to be so distracted that you literally walk into me .”
“Hmmmm.” It’s very tempting for Tommy to tell Technoblade about his. . . thoughts. In all honesty, it seems like something that The Blade would just get , what with all his reading that he does. After another second of thinking, Tommy throws all critical judgment out the window in favor of letting off some steam. “It-it-it’s j-just- just- it’s just this whole thing that Tubbo and R-r- ranboo have goin’ on, see, b-b-because now they’re married n shit–” Tommy ends up going on a rather long rant about the situation, complaining about all the domestic garbage they’ve been doing, and how he doesn’t get it because they’re basically “in love” but say they aren’t–
“Are you sayin’ you don’t know what platonic marriage is?” As monotone as Techno’s interruption is, Tommy looks up to see genuine confusion on Techno’s face.
Looking back at the ground, Tommy kicks some snow aside. “I mean I do, but it–” Why is he having such a hard time with this? It’s not as if Tommy doesn’t get what a platonic marriage is, he knows they’re not in love, but if they aren’t in love, then what makes it different? Why does Tommy feel so worked up about it? “I don’t g-g-get the w-w- why of it,” he settles on. “Like w-w-why they do it if they aren’t- aren’t ‘in love’ and everything. Like it’s okay that they aren’t.” The statement is laced with frustration, and Tommy can’t help but feel exposed with the admission. Because that’s what it is. Tommy doesn’t understand why they’re so okay with it.
Or why he never knew it was okay.
Suddenly there’s a hand on his shoulder, snapping him out of his thoughts, and Tommy looks up to see a very concerned Techno.
“Tommy, I want you to listen very carefully.” A jolt of fear shoots through Tommy and he thinks he’s fucked up not even ten minutes in- “It’s okay to not be in love.”
What? Tommy’s mind blanks. That’s what was important enough that Techno almost gave him a heart attack? “That’s it?” he repeats out loud in clear disbelief.
“Yes,” Techno replies, still completely serious. “You don’t have to be in love. Not now, not ever. And that’s totally okay.”
“What’d’y-” Oh.
Oh.
Tommy suddenly remembers all of those conversations about love with Wilbur, with Quackity, with Tubbo and Ranboo , and each of them having a different answer, only one of which he had related to . He remembers the odd sense of guilt when Wilbur had said “You’ll find someone someday,” and brushing it off like it was nothing. He remembers the weird disconnect any time he would make a joke about liking women or having wives. Tommy can recall all of that, but never can he recall being in love .
And here was Technoblade, of all people, telling him it was okay, that he never had to, that it wasn’t wrong. (Not like he assumed it was.)
“Oh,” Tommy whispers, and it feels like something has been removed , some barrier lifted from him, and it feels. . . different. Not good or bad, not yet. Just different.
Distantly, he sees Techno move in front of him, drawing closer, and he flinches. He may be sorry, but Tommy isn’t that ready. There’s a murmured apology as the man moves away again, still keeping a close eye on Tommy, which he supposes is fair. After all, he can barely see with how blurry his vision has gotten and he’s not sure how much longer he can keep the Axe of Peace held in his shaking grasp.
“Is there a word for it?” Tommy says abruptly. He needs. . . needs something to process it. He’s not going to go through all of this to not have a fucking name for the thing that’s been giving him so much trouble. No, that would simply be unacceptable.
He manages to focus just enough to hear the response, and Tommy sees Techno smile lightly, tusks peeking out from his lips. “There is,” he says, and Tommy could almost cry with relief. “It’s called being aromantic. It means you don’t feel any kind of romantic attraction, what you would define as being ‘in love’, to any gender.”
“Th-th-that’s cool,” Tommy replies, like it hasn’t just rocked his entire worldview. “S-so-so it means. . . never? Like. Ever?”
“Yep, never,” Techno replies. “And it’s completely normal and okay.” He says it with a confidence that Tommy knows he needs to hear right now, that convinces him that it’s fact . Tommy can almost imagine that it comes directly as a definition in one of Technoblade’s fancy books, filled cover to cover with only correct things. So it has to be true.
That’s what he is. Aromantic .
It’s. Yeah. Yeah, that’s him . That’s what he is. And it’s real. The thought of it makes him want to cry again.
But he can’t, not here. As helpful as Technoblade has been, it wouldn’t feel right. No, Tommy knows who it would feel right with, and both of them are back safe in Snowchester, probably wondering when he’s going to come back. Oh God, Tommy’s going to have to tell them.
No, second crisis later, he still has business here.
Tommy sniffs and clears his throat, trying to ground himself back to reality. It kinda works. He looks back at Techno, who has very kindly been letting Tommy process whatever the fuck just happened, and stammers out, “W-w-well, ah, th-thank- thanks, I guess. Uhm. Y-yeah.”
“Anytime, Theseus,” Techno replies, and of course he had to reference his mythology bullshit here, but Tommy doesn’t think he minds as much as he would have an hour ago. The two stand together for a moment longer before Techno straightens back up, hefting his axe over his shoulder. “I think I got enough wood,” he says, even though Tommy knows damn well they only gathered maybe about four stacks between them. “So I’m gonna probably uh. Head back home now.”
Tommy immediately jumps at the chance to book it back to Snowchester. “Sure thing, big man. I guess I’ll see you around then?” He knows how hopeful he sounds, but goddamnit, he wants this, and if either of them were to offer an invitation to hang out again, it would be Tommy. At the very least he owes it to the piglin after helping him through his . . . crisis.
Any worry Tommy might have had dissipates when the piglin just shrugs. “Maybe.” Which is as close to a ‘yes’ as he’s going to get. Tommy just cackles in response before waving, barely waiting for a reaction before he begins sprinting back in the vague direction of Snowchester.
“HEY, FUCKERS!!!” Tommy slams open the main doors to the mansion, probably startling Tubbo and Ranboo out of whatever they were doing. It takes a mere three seconds before Micheal comes running down the hallway, his parents’ protests echoing behind him, somewhere from the direction of the living room. The toddler slams into Tommy’s legs with an excited squeal, and Tommy doesn’t hesitate in picking him up and setting him on his shoulders. “W-w-what is up Big Man? Have a- a- a- have a good day?”
“Yeah!!!” Micheal doesn’t hesitate to start rambling about what he did with his “Bee ‘n Boo” that afternoon, taking particular care to talk about how he has a new drawing to give “Mi’ Mi’” later so it can be put up on the fridge. It kept the zombified toddler entertained just long enough for Tommy to make it to the main living room where Tubbo and Ranboo were sitting, a movie paused on the tv. As he walks in, Tommy hoists Micheal off his shoulders, gently tossing him on the couch with his parents, laughing as Ranboo desperately scrambles to catch him.
“Relax, Boob boy,” Tommy teases, dramatically collapsing on the other end of the same sofa. “He loves it.” As if to support him directly, Micheal quickly wiggles back over to him, begging to be picked up again. Just as Tommy opens his mouth to comply, Ranboo shoots him a glare, and he immediately backtracks. “I’d love to bud,” Tommy says, now trying to placate the toddler, “but I think y-y-your dad w-would kill me, so how ab-ab- how about w-we settle for just cuddles right now, yeah?” Micheal happily nods, letting Tommy adjust him to a new spot in his arms. “There w-w-we go, how-w- how’s that w-w-work?”
Micheal just hums, burying his head in Tommy’s shoulder, and it doesn’t warm Tommy’s heart at all , nope. Nah, he definitely doesn’t think the toddler isn’t the cutest thing in the entire smp, that would be ridiculous.
Looking back up at Micheal’s actual parents, Tommy just grins and sticks his tongue out at Ranboo’s shocked expression. Tubbo immediately snorts at how ridiculous his husband and best friend are, quickly leading to all three of them dissolving into laughter. “I swear, sometimes it’s like there are two toddlers in this house,” Ranboo says, still grinning, and Tommy just cackles, setting all of them off again. It’s nice, and Tommy thinks he couldn’t feel any happier.
Perhaps he should tell them now . The thought is fleeting, almost a shock coming so soon after he got back, but Tommy knows that he likely won’t get a better time than this.
“Hey,” he starts, once they’ve all finally settled on the couch again. “I have ah. Important News for both of you.”
Tubbo and Ranboo both instantly turn back to him. “Yeah? What’s going on boss man?” Both of them look concerned, and Tommy feels a spark of anxiety in his chest.
“It’s not like. Bad.” They relax almost immediately, Ranboo even starting to apologize before Tommy waves him off. “It’s fine, just something I realized today.”
Ranboo’s ears perk up. “Oh?”
“Mhmm.” Tommy hums. “I had a. . . conversation today with someone and kinda uhm. Realized. That I’m. . .” He stops. Why is he so nervous about this? He’s literally talking to the people who gave him a crisis over this! They were platonically married already! It shouldn’t be that big of a deal.
Right?
“Tommy?” Ah. People. Right. Tubbo looks concerned again, and Tommy takes a deep breath to steel himself.
“I’m. Aromantic?” Silence. “Y-yeah. That.”
And it’s done.
For a minute, there’s nothing. Tommy can hear his heart pounding in his ears, and fuck , it wasn’t supposed to be this hard, it should have been a quick thing, he says it and they move on, but now he can tell that they’re thinking about it, making a full decision on it, making a decision on him–
“I’m proud of you Tommy.”
“W-”
“I said I’m proud of you.” Ranboo cuts him off, reaching out with his stupidly long arms to put a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, not unlike what Techno had done a few hours before, but this time it felt more comfortable. More reassuring. “It clearly took a lot for you to tell us that, and I’m very proud of you that you could do it.”
“We accept you of course,” Tubbo adds casually, like it doesn’t mean the world to Tommy. “I mean, I’m ace and Boo’s never really connected with the human concept of romance anyway, so it really isn’t an issue for us.”
“Oh,” is all Tommy can say, still shaken from the whole experience.
His best friend turns to him, vaguely shocked. “Did you think we wouldn’t get it? We’re literally ma – WAIT!!!” Tubbo shoots up, almost headbutting Ranboo, who’s lived with Tubbo long enough to react on time. “I just thought of something!!!”
Tommy quickly glances at Ranboo, only to find the Enderman just as confused about his husband’s antics. “W-what’s your uh, idea, big man?”
“How about you get married to us as well?”
“ What. ”
“Come on boss man, think about it!” Now filled with energy, Tubbo starts gesturing as he explains. “You’re not really going to want to get married in the traditional sense, and the two of us are already married without the whole romance thing, so if you join, it’ll be perfect!” He grins at Tommy, already completely sold on his new plan, as Ranboo ponders it quietly behind him.
There’s enough of a pause after Tubbo finishes, and he slowly adds on, “Yeah, that would work pretty well I think. Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah!” By the end of his thought, Ranboo is also smiling at Tommy, face almost split in half with how happy he is.
“That’s. . .” How is Tommy supposed to react? This was what gave him the push he needed to realize he was aromantic in the first place, now Tubbo and Ranboo were completely on board with him joining ??? He had only barely come out to them, it felt like too much.
Ranboo quickly notices Tommy’s internal panic, saying, “You don’t have to decide yet, but uh. The offer is 100% open to you!” It’s so painfully Ranboo that Tommy can’t help but smile.
“For sure, and I also think Micheal would be delighted to have ‘Mi Mi’ be an official part of the Underscore-Beloved family.” Tommy whips around to face Tubbo, who sits there with a smug look on his face. Fucker . The bastard hit Tommy’s weak spot, and he knows it. Tommy would do anything for Micheal, and Tubbo is right, Micheal would be happy to make Tommy one of his dads instead of just an uncle. Really, it isn’t a hard choice after that.
Besides, Tommy doesn’t think he’d mind being married that much anyway.
“Fine,” Tommy says. “I’ll j-join your- your stupid m-mar-r-riage thing.” The teasing is covered up by the fact that his voice is shaking, and he knows that the tears are finally falling down his face, no longer being held back by anything. His hands come up to scrub at his eyes, but Tubbo is quicker, pulling Tommy into a hug, Ranboo folding his arms over the both of them.
It feels good and right , and Tommy sits on the sofa, Tubbo and Ranboo on either side, Micheal on his lap, surrounded by warmth, and thinks that this is the only type of love he’ll ever need.