Chapter Text
Chloe had to leave after their talk because Dan texted her that he's tied up with another case and Trixie's babysitter couldn't stay longer.
Lucifer is looking forward to a night filled with liquor and thoughts — maybe overthink more — when the elevator doors open to a very distraught Dan.
"Dearie me! Still suffering from bouts of the old trotskies are we?" The devil could barely stifle his laugh at seeing Dan so disheveled. But then the douche pulls out his gun and points it at him after dropping an oversize gym bag.
"I was only joking, Daniel." He places his shot glass on the table and puts both his hands in his pocket, maybe to appease his buddy. But Dan only tightens his grip on the gun, and this effectively wipes off the smile from the devil.
The club owner wonders if Chloe is already far enough, but somehow he's thankful Dan didn't arrive earlier. Or maybe this was what his bracelet bro was planning all along.
Before Lucifer could take another step, Dan fires off a round, and it hits center mass. The demoted police officer was expecting the devil to drop dead, but instead, the bullet bounces off of him, leaving a very annoyed man in its wake.
"Damn it, Daniel! Look at what you've done with this shirt! What is wrong with you?"
Dan scoffs at this and says, "What is wrong with – what are you saying? You're the devil!"
Lucifer smirks, "Oh? So you know?"
"Yes!" He replies shakily, finger still on the trigger. The last thing Lucifer wants is another bullet dislodged, so he maintains his distance from his so-called friend.
"Care to tell me how you found out?"
"You called me! I saw you with Charlie and… and your scary ass red face!"
"Except I didn't. Call, that is. And I'm not particularly fond of your face either, Daniel. But you don't see me trying to kill you."
Lucifer shakes his head in utter annoyance after realizing who it was that started this chain of events. He must think of a way to get rid of his dickhead twin by all means necessary. (without killing him, of course)
"You should be dead!" Dan drops the gun and opens the bag he left on the floor.
He sprays holy water (the first thing… well, the second thing he's able to grab) at the consultant, and it did absolutely nothing.
There was no smoke, no melting. Just an incredulous look on the club owner's face. So Dan gets to the third item — Wolfsbane of all things — and throws the entire stash at him.
Lucifer's eyebrows shot up as he looks at the discarded plants that landed on his feet.
Meh. The fallen angel thinks, and perhaps letting Dan do whatever he wants would help the latter cope. As long as Chloe is not around, the former should be fine.
"I was expecting more creativity from you Daniel, but, knock yourself out."
And Daniel does as he's told.
There were stakes, and knives, and swords that Lucifer allowed Dan to try and pierce him with — to his heart's content — but nothing took hold.
"Why aren't any of these working?!" Captain Douche says that Lucifer could only roll his eyes in dismay.
"Are you quite done now, dear Daniel?" He finally stands up from the barstool and heads over to his desk. The Detective had forgotten to bring the files along when she was scrambling to get to the urchin.
Lucifer opens one of the folders in an attempt to redirect his attention from the spawn's father when he accidentally cuts himself.
Shit. He curses and sucks on the wound. The Detective must be near.
Daniel's eyes go wide upon seeing him get wounded by the paper that he scurries to the elevator to get away from the penthouse.
A few minutes later, Chloe's on the top floor, wondering what the mess is all about. Good thing he's already thrown that ruined shirt, or else she'd push him for answers, and he really doesn't want her to know what Daniel's been up to the past few hours.
"Ah, just a little fisticuffs between friends."
The blonde is suspicious, but she lets it go for now.
"What are you doing back here anyway? Who's looking after Beatrice?"
"Oh, I asked Maze to watch her."
"Ahh."
"And I forgot the case files."
"You should have just asked me to take it to your place. I don't mind."
"I'll consider that next time."
Meanwhile, Daniel is collecting notecards, cardboards, thick card stock… anything that could cause cuts to bring an end to the devil. If only he knew how wrong he is.