Chapter Text
Forty minutes have passed since Ranboo arrived at his tutor’s apartment to work on an essay, and over half that time has been spent petting the aforementioned tutor’s dog.
To be fair, Boreas is very good to pet. He’s fluffy, extremely so, even for a husky, and he seems to be having one of his quieter days. Which is good, because while Ranboo doesn’t exactly mind when Boreas is more hyperactive, it’s nice to be able to cuddle him while he’s drowsy instead of worrying about writing a topic sentence as a dog gives him his paw and runs around his chair.
Ranboo smiles down as Boreas rolls over more, showing him his stomach. When Ranboo first started coming to Techno’s place for sessions, he was far too nervous to interact with anything, be it his dog, his stuff, even the bathroom. That first meeting had been rather tense, as had the ensuing ones for a short while-- Ranboo was anxious, and Techno didn’t know how to handle someone who was clearly afraid of him, so it was tense and unproductive and Ranboo definitely cried a few times after.
Then, one day, the dynamic sort of… shifted.
The memory is blurrier, now. But from what Ranboo can recall, he had been putting on his jacket and getting ready to leave when Techno had asked him… a question. Something related to Greek mythology, of all things. It had taken Ranboo off guard, so he asked more about it, and through a series of events he found himself sitting on his tutor’s couch, a mug of hot chocolate in his hands, listening to Techno talk about Greek mythology in depth.
It had been late when Ranboo finally left to go home, yawning too much to concentrate. Tired as he was, he had written down the vague gist of what Techno had said. And when Ranboo returned for another session, he brought up a figure (Achilles, he thinks. Or Icarus? Both were written in the notebook for that date), albeit a bit awkwardly, and Techno went off into a lecture again.
Their friendship had started on this shaky footing, and it had been a long time before it could have even been called a friendship. Techno… isn’t the sort of person to openly show affection towards someone, or even give open indicators that he likes them, which clashes with Ranboo’s fear that he’s being presumptuous whenever he assumes another person cares about him. Sometimes, admittedly, he still worries about that.
But he’s pretty sure Techno likes him, at least.
After all, that first conversation had been last winter. It’s September now, and not for much longer.
And here Ranboo is, petting Techno’s dog after finishing exactly one paragraph of his essay while Techno is off doing… something in the kitchen, as evidenced by the rustling noises Ranboo can hear.
The noise ends up stopping, eventually, and Techno emerges a few minutes later. He offers zero explanation for what the noises were-- because Techno likes to be obscure in the most ordinary of times, or maybe just doesn’t care enough and figures it isn’t worth the energy-- and instead holds up his phone. Ranboo looks at him, and he coughs before asking, “Do you, uh, want a pizza?”
Ranboo squints, taking a look at the analog clock hanging on the wall, and with some difficulty determines that it is around when he would normally eat at home. Which, on that note, reminds him that he still hasn’t gotten groceries. He really, really needs to stop forgetting that. Usually, he doesn’t forget something like that this much.
He’s… not going to give that much thought, right now.
Instead, he agrees, and asks, “Can I just have cheese on it, if that’s okay?”
“I mean.” Techno blinks down at his phone for a second. “I was also just gonna get cheese, so.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Yeah. Let me, uh, call them.” He gives Ranboo a nod, and then disappears into the kitchen again.
This is one of few times that Ranboo won’t beat himself up for an awkward conversation, because there’s a difference between stunted interactions with Niki ( oh God is she about to kick me out usually she’s more upfront about things so did I really mess up ) or Tubbo ( wow I just got this friend and I’m immediately going to lose him because I can’t talk) , versus Techno, who is just… awkward. All the time, apparently. Tommy had mentioned in the hallway, once, when Ranboo was walking with him and Tubbo, that Techno is even awkward around him when he’s tutoring his own brother.
Ranboo hadn’t mentioned the fact that Techno was tutoring him, though he wasn’t sure why. Either way, from what both siblings have said, Ranboo has determined that he would not, in fact, want to be a fly on the wall during one of their sessions together, which apparently only happen when Phil forces Tommy to show up. Which is… rare. Huh.
Techno emerges once again to kneel down beside Ranboo, immersing one of his hands in Boreas’ endless fluff. Ranboo shifts to give him space, and they have a brief moment of silence as Boreas pants and wiggles around under them. God, Ranboo is a cat person, for the most part, but he has grown very attached to Boreas. Very attached.
He’s almost too distracted by him to notice when Techno says, “You’re gonna pay me for that pizza, by the way.”
“Ah.” Ranboo nods sagely. Then he stops. And asks. “Aren’t we, uh, splitting it, though?”
“Yes.”
“... So, shouldn't we split the bill?”
Techno shrugs. “I mean, you’re already paying for the session, might as well also pay for the pizza, y’know? If you could get at my student debt too, that’d be great.”
“I don’t have money, Techno,” Ranboo lets out a small laugh. “I am seventeen and spend all my money on groceries and late-night impulse purchases,” that’s not exactly true, since the European chocolate incident was a once-off event, but for humor’s sake, Ranboo will ridicule himself, “how am I going to pay your debt?”
“How am I s’posed to know?” He shakes his head. “This seems like a you problem, man, I don’t know.”
“It’s your student debt!”
“It’s your money in question, though.” Ranboo sighs dramatically, and Techno huffs out a laugh before adding, “Think I might start having to charge you for pettin’ Boreas.”
Ranboo looks at him with fear in his eyes. “You wouldn’t.”
Techno stares back. “I would.”
“Maybe it’s worth it.” Ranboo adds his other hand to the rhythmic cycle of petting Boreas, letting out another sigh, more of contentment. “I will lose all of my money for your dog.”
“You will,” Techno threatens.
“Sounds great.”
Techno gets up again, looking at the table where they were previously working and coughing. “Hey, uh, did you finish, like, the section you were working on?”
“Oh.” Ranboo chews his lip. He knows Techno doesn’t care about his progress, but he still gets a little nervous. Even if his tutor is the one derailing him from the actual tutoring most of the time, there’s still a fear that Techno will think he’s useless and stop teaching him, which would be very bad actually because Ranboo really needs to pass his classes and between work and psychological issues, he needs about all the help he can get. So that would really suck. He takes in a deep breath, “I finished the first body paragraph. So I- uh, I still need to do the- the other two. Body paragraphs. And the conclusion.”
“Hm.” Techno continues to look off at the laptop, going into sleep mode from inactivity. “And when’s it due?”
“... The end of next week.” Which feels like a long time, but it’s Thursday and he has a lot of other work to get done, too. He feels useless, now, sitting on the floor. What’s he doing? He should be doing something, instead of just-
“Oh, you’ll be fine.”
Ranboo looks at Techno. Techno looks back, and shrugs. He’s fond of doing that, Ranboo’s noticed. “Look, man, you’ve got, like, over a week. That’s enough time. Just make sure you strengthen up the evidence you’ve got outlined for the third paragraph, which I told you already, I think.”
He can’t really remember, but. “I will do that.”
“Yeah, then you’re fine.”
… Techno is a lot more lenient than one would first think. It continues to surprise Ranboo when it shouldn’t. And it shouldn’t, because it’s gotten to a point where Ranboo might say that the two of them are friends (which has yet to be verbally confirmed but is all but implied) before they are a tutor and a student. Which, on one hand, is depressing in a way, considering that Techno is six years older than Ranboo (though, Niki is 21, so maybe Tubbo’s throwing this off) and would have never known him if Ranboo wasn’t struggling to turn in assignments, but on the other hand, it’s… nice. To have a friend like Techno, where things don’t feel high pressure.
Sometimes, with Niki, it feels like Ranboo has to be careful. Because he likes Niki, and Niki is sort of like an older sibling to him in a way, but she is more likely to point things out to Ranboo with her good perception skills, while Techno just… leaves them be. And Ranboo doesn’t mind, really, it’s just-
He worries. Because he doesn’t know Niki well, and Niki doesn’t know him well. And it’s not like Ranboo could ever be close to knowable, anyway. But… he doesn’t want to mess up. And with Techno, it feels like he’s less likely to mess up, because to mess up would to be to either double-cross him or hurt one of his friends, and seeing as Ranboo is timid and clingy and entirely unaware if Techno even has other friends, to be blunt-- it’s just not likely.
Which is why Ranboo continues to pet Boreas until the pizza arrives, and recognizes as he’s eating and listening to Techno talk about a video game he’s started playing that he doesn’t feel too anxious at all. And he drives home, keeping the memory in his mind as long as he can before settling back at his place, getting a little more work done on his other assignments, and checking out the game for himself.
Some of the memory gets forgotten. Some other things do, too. But Ranboo’s limited energy is focused on something somewhat positive, or at least neutral, for the time being. And he’ll allow that. It’s been happening more, lately, and he’ll allow it.
He just hopes, half-heartedly, still scared to jinx his thoughts, that it lasts.
--
“So, I know you’re working,” Tubbo starts, leaning over the lunch table as if he’s telling Ranboo something critically important. Tommy’s gone, off at the table he used to sit at, most likely, so it’s just the two of them, here, and whatever news requires Tubbo’s broad gestures. “But today is Friday, and tomorrow is Saturday, and you do work but, can we hang out? Maybe?”
Ranboo inhales, thinking over his schedule in his head. He does have work, for a full shift, but he should have spare time after. It’s a very tentative should, because he may have homework to do, and he may also have something else ongoing, too, that will take up a lot of his time. The problem is, he never really… knows when that’s going to happen. Usually, he’s alone, so it doesn’t obstruct anything, but with Tubbo…
Well. He’s sure it will be fine. He doesn’t see why he would need to go off and do that, so… it’s okay. It is.
“I think so,” he replies, and Tubbo visibly relaxes with relief. He lets out a startled laugh. “Did you, uh, think I’d say no?”
“Don’t know if I’m being too clingy, boss man, I’ll be honest,” Tubbo returns, and it makes Ranboo laugh more.
“If anything, I’m more clingy. All the time, actually. It’s a- it’s a problem.”
Tubbo waves it off. “Nah. Or, yeah, maybe. So long as we’re clingy together. I’m not going to let you out-clingy me.”
“That sounds reasonable.”
“Damn right.” Tubbo starts folding his napkin up, making a triangle with it before fiddling with it some more. “What do we want to do? I know some places, I think. Some placey-places.”
“Placey-places, huh?” Ranboo repeats.
“Yeah. The place-iest of them all. Like the mall. Do you want to go to the mall?”
“That sounds fun.” Ranboo smiles.
“Cool.” Tubbo bobs his head. “Cool, cool, cool-- what the hell am I doing?” Ranboo looks at his hands to see Tubbo folding the napkin into an impossibly small triangle, thick and blobby from its small size. Tubbo frowns at it, unfolding it slowly and letting out a sigh. “I can’t do origami shit.”
“I, uh. I know how to make paper cranes?”
Immediately, Tubbo’s spirits brighten, and he shoves the napkin into Ranboo’s hands. “Really? Teach me, teach me, teach me!”
Ranboo glances at his phone and sighs. “Lunch will be over soon.” Tubbo pouts, and he feels guilty for bringing down the other’s mood again. He tries to think of a way to compensate, and settles on, “But next time we’re together in an, uh, stable environment, I can teach you.”
It does the trick, and Tubbo grins. “Okay! Thank you, crane boy!” He gets out of his chair and throws away the napkin, loitering around until other students start to filter out and he starts tugging on Ranboo's arm. “C’mon, c’mon, class time!”
“Okay, okay, just- just give me a sec!” He manages to pull his arm away, mumbling an apology under his breath, and packs up his things before he allows Tubbo to grab him again and start walking him to class.
Tubbo starts on a topic about something he saw on the news, and Ranboo tries to focus on him, but he gets distracted by the presence of Tubbo’s hand around his wrist. It’s not restrictive in any way, nor does it make him uncomfortable, but Ranboo isn’t exactly… used to physical contact. Much less with someone he hasn’t known for too long. It’s been a very long time, he thinks, since that’s happened. If it ever has at all.
He doesn’t mind it. He likes it a lot, actually. And he knows that Tubbo and Tommy are that way with each other, though Tubbo has claimed off-handedly that he hates physical contact more than anything. Ranboo remembers, vaguely, writing down that Tubbo had laid his head on his shoulder, though, while they were watching something, so maybe that’s a lie. He’s not sure.
Either way, it’s… fine. He just- and he knows that he and Tubbo are friends and he’s forced himself to stop doubting that at this point, but he just wonders why. What he really… did. How he made a friend like Tubbo, and so quickly, when he’s never been able to make another friend this fast in his life?
He doesn’t know. But he allows Tubbo to keep a hold of his wrist, and he listens to him talk about space travel, and he walks to class.
When it eventually leaves his arm, his fingers twitch, and he wishes it stayed longer.
From the corner of his eye, he sees Tubbo shoot him a smile, and he wonders if the other knows that.
--
He arrives home on a fine Friday night and promptly realizes that he still has no food in his house.
It’s funny, how he had forgotten that so many times, and yet once he remembers his brain kindly reminds him oh yeah, you’ve been in this position before, you’ve forgotten something extremely basic and just never did anything about it, because you’re a wreck. It’s happened before this, too, it seems to happen once a month, even.
Usually, it doesn't take so long to fix it. The worst had been the one week experience, and Niki had counteracted that with the to-do list idea and very concerned talks, which had been something akin to hell but was somewhat productive if he was being honest.
But it’s been a bit, now, and he’s staring at his empty fridge, and he’s tired from school and wondering if it’s even worth going to a store when it’s just him in this house and nobody will exactly care if he goes hungry, anyway.
He had lunch at school earlier. It hadn’t been much, but he and Tubbo were too busy talking for the other to notice, and Ranboo wasn’t exactly overthinking what he put into his mouth when he anticipated it from the start. The day before, he got a pizza with Techno, and tomorrow he’s going to the mall with Tubbo, which means fast food. He’s incredibly unhealthy, when he thinks about it.
Maybe it’s worth waiting until he next remembers to shop. He can make a shopping list. He has that somewhere, if he looks. Just a little shopping list of what he needs.
He glances at the fridge as he writes things down. He needs milk, eggs, bread, cheese… most of the basic things, really. He makes note of all of them, entirely focused until his wrist starts to hurt, and he looks down to see that the entire page is filled with writing.
… How?
How did the food shortage get this bad? Ranboo doesn’t- he didn’t, he doesn’t eat that much. It’s just him and Springerle, and will be them until Niki starts staying over again, and it’s not exactly like the cat is taking a large chunk out of his fridge deposit. It’s just… him. Even when Tubbo stayed over, they hadn’t even eaten! And it hadn’t been that long, had it?
When did he last shop?
It was the Tylenol trip, he thinks. When he went to buy things and met Tubbo there. Had he gotten anything else? When did he last buy things? When did he last go to a store?
Ranboo puts down the piece of paper and immediately goes to his bag, pulling out his planner. He scans through the pages, going back up to two months in time before giving up and shoving it back in his bag. Quickly, he rushes to his bedroom and pulls out his memory notebook, flipping through the pages. No signs of him recently going to the supermarket. The last time he went had been… over a week ago. Over two weeks ago, even.
Which… which is fine, because he was still eating during that time. He had enough to still eat, which means that it’s fine. It’s all fine. He’s not starving, no, he’s not even hungry- okay, that part is a lie, but still. It’s fine. Ranboo isn’t freaking out at all about the fact that he’s forgotten to go shopping for weeks now and just never remembered to, no, of course not. Ranboo doesn’t freak out at anything.
He’s simply built different.
It’s getting harder to breathe.
Ranboo sits down on one of the kitchen chairs and holds his hair with his hands, tugging on the strands lightly. Someone must have come here, right? And taken some of it? Had it been Techno? Niki? Had it been-
Had it been-
No. No, that’s not how that works. That’s not how they work, the two of them. They don’t get food together, they don’t go to each other’s places, that would just be unprofessional. That’s not what’s happening. It’s not.
He feels sick.
Which resolves the food issue, in a way.
But it’s not so much about the food, anymore.
It’s fine, though. It’s fine. It’s a Friday night, and he has work tomorrow, and he is going to hang out with Tubbo in the mall tomorrow, and he’s going to be fine. He can go shopping another day, it doesn’t have to be today. He can just- he can just save it for later.
He writes it down in his planner, hands shaky. He writes it in the memory book as well. A bold, glaring reminder saying GO TO THE GROCERY STORE, plastered over the next few days of his schedule and taking up three lines in his notebook. He can’t forget now. He can’t. He can’t. It’s written in his planner, he checks it every day, religiously, he won’t-
There’s something else written down for Saturday.
He shuts the planner.
More homework to get done today, is all. Busy day tomorrow, is all. Payday tomorrow, is all.
So Ranboo takes a deep breath, heads up to his room, plays music loud enough that he can hear it in his empty walls. And finishes his essay. And goes to bed hungry. Again.
It has to be for the last time.