Chapter Text
Ranboo’s been forgetting to write in his planner lately.
It’s not something he’s picked up on much, is the thing. He has his journal for general daily happenings still, and he writes in that whenever he gets the chance, so it’s not like there’s nowhere for his thoughts to go or anything. The only difference between his journal and his planner is that the former kind of stores all his thoughts, and the latter just deals with academic things. There’s not a massive gap in his memory with him not writing in his planner because of that.
Which is kind of the problem, with not writing in his planner often. Because it’s not like he’s missing much, he really isn’t, but he’s starting to notice that even as finals approach come up these next few days, his planner has been relatively empty of plans for studying or details about work that needs to get done.
In the back of his head, he knows the basic things. Don’t bother over-studying English since it’s just an essay, put your entire soul into figuring out the last few Calculus units moments before the test. He’s not aimless; he can figure out that much.
But there are no specific studying plans written down. No idea when he should turn in his library books, or if his teacher said he can check out of school for research still. There’s not even anything about meeting up with Techno, which Ranboo would figure he’d write down if he had coordinated– but then again, he really hasn’t talked to Techno since everything with Schlatt happened.
It’s not life-ruining or anything, just… sort of uncomfortable. That there’s the possibility that he’s missing something important, or, worse yet, that there’s the possibility for him to lose touch with just how important writing things down is.
In his defense, though, he’s been kind of busy lately.
So he folds the corner of the empty planner page he’s been staring at and closes the journal altogether, looking up to see Dream perched on the couch, staring right at him.
Ranboo startles, which is kind of a stupid reaction, considering he’s in Dream’s apartment. And has been for the past… half hour, at least, though Ranboo wouldn’t be surprised if he’d actually spaced out for way longer than that. Considering the way that his muscles ache when he pushes himself off the floor to face Dream, that’s… probably what happened, actually.
Dream’s kept him busy from worrying too much about finals, at least. Ranboo’s done a bit of studying here using one of Dream’s old Calculus notebooks– which, apparently, he’s really good with math and had just never brought that up– and it’s honestly made Ranboo feel better, knowing that even if he has no tutoring sessions planned, Dream’s fine with him coming over at any time to study.
From where he’s sitting, Dream asks, kindly, “How’s the studying been going? You’ve been kinda spaced out looking at your planner for a while.”
Ranboo flushes in embarrassment, because he didn’t think about the fact that his spacing out was probably being perceived by Dream, like, actively . “It’s- it’s been okay,” Ranboo answers, a bit sheepishly. “The- the notes really helped, so, uh, thank you for those. Yeah.”
“No problem.” Dream’s eyes dart up to the analog clock hanging up behind where Ranboo’s sitting. Ranboo always sucks at reading analog time, but Dream seems to deal with it quite easily, since it only takes him a second before he’s talking again. “It’s getting kind of late. I don’t know if Niki wanted you back for something, or…?”
“What time is it?” Ranboo asks, feeling a bit stupid. But, to be fair, he kind of doesn’t know where his phone is. He might have forgotten to bring it with him. It’s not like he needed a GPS to get to Dream’s place, they’re kind of past that.
“Like, six-ish.”
“ Oh .” Ranboo winces, kind of by gut reaction, because he hadn’t realized it’s been that long since he got here. School ended around three, since today is one of his days where he can’t check out for research, and to be fair, it’s not like him being busy after school is uncommon , but the sun’s started setting earlier these days and Niki never likes it when he stays out that long.
Especially considering that he’d called in sick the past two days from work, which he realizes Niki probably didn’t believe for a second, considering she came back last night to see Ranboo stress-organizing the kitchen, no supposed sickness in sight. And now he’s out past sunset without his phone and his only explanation– the literal truth of this whole thing– is that he needed somewhere to study that wasn’t the suffocating walls of his room.
… Ranboo’s kind of screwed, huh.
In his defense, him being busy after school is, as pre-established, common . And there’s nothing wrong with Ranboo having friends– like, the time he’s spent with Dream would otherwise be spent with, like, Tubbo or something, who he… he hasn’t spent time with lately, actually– but either way! There’s no issue with him hanging out with Dream, aside from maybe the fact that nobody knows or seemingly likes Dream, but what Niki doesn’t know can’t hurt her.
Xe hates liars, and xe has been slowly opening up to Ranboo, lately, which makes him kind of a dick for lying to xem. But it’s finals season, and it’s not like anybody really wants Ranboo around much, anyway, as just a kind of rule of thumb, and it’s not like xe is exactly spending the holidays with him-
-which Ranboo shouldn’t be upset about, because he’s going to spend some of winter break with Dream, and it’s not like he should have expected Niki to spend every single New Year’s with him. That’d be ridiculous, Niki has a life and whatever’s been going on with xem and Puffy is clearly really important. So Ranboo’s not upset or anything.
But he’s not going to pretend like it’s making him want to stop seeing Dream. Techno’s busy, Tubbo’s… busy, Niki’s busy– but Dream always makes time for him.
Even now, Dream’s considerate enough to ask, “Do you need to start heading home, or do you need to hang around for a bit? You’re always welcome here, Ranboo, and it seems like the studying’s really starting to help you!”
And it’d be a shame for Ranboo to head back home now, when he’s finally starting to learn something. When he’d otherwise be up in his room, sometimes with Springerle but mostly just by himself, trying to convince himself that it’s worth studying for finals even when being back at home makes him kind of feel like sleeping until New Year’s.
And Niki’s always talked about winter depression, so maybe it’s just that, but Ranboo can’t stick it out in the suffocation that has become his bedroom. And he’s never had that same kind of depression problem as her; it’s not even like he’s that upset at anything, it’s just… numbness. Numbness crossed with agitation . Because every piece of clothing in his closet makes him feel sick, and the stacks of notebooks on his desk makes him want to scream, and his phone keeps getting text messages he can’t respond to because he’s too busy, he’s too busy being busy, but it’s not like he’s even that busy, there’s just nothing to do except try to breathe in his bedroom and constantly fail as if it were some endless task that he’s so busy with and that’s why Ranboo keeps having to see Dream, because Dream makes him feel safe and productive and okay.
Dream, for just an hour or two, makes Ranboo feel normal.
So, even though Niki might be scared out of xeir mind at home, and even though Ranboo knows he has to go back eventually, he shakes his head and tells Dream, “I can stay until seven,”
and Dream smiles, ruffling Ranboo’s hair as he heads back to the kitchen, shouting over his shoulder, “I’ll make you dinner. My roommates might be back soon, but I think you’ll get along well with them.”
Ranboo smiles back, nodding, and forgets what he was so upset about in the first place.
–
Somehow, Dream’s roommates are nothing like Ranboo expected.
Ranboo’s proficiency in social situations is pretty nonexistent, and he’s had conversations with people who are just as bad at the whole thing. Still, he doesn’t think he’s seen anything quite like two twenty year olds suddenly bursting into the apartment, one of them going to the couch and near-immediately passing out, and the other shouting swear words at Dream as he walks past where Ranboo’s sitting.
Ranboo is silently grateful that neither of them have acknowledged him yet, but it’s still kind of weird, especially since the sleeping person is literally a foot away from where Ranboo has been studying and was probably a wrong-step away from directly tripping on him. And it’s interesting, even for the awake and preoccupied guy, because Ranboo’s always heard that he stands out– mostly in a bad way– so it’s… kind of strange, being completely ignored.
For better and for worse simultaneously, Ranboo hears Dream call out from the kitchen, a few minutes after his roommates come home, “Ranboo, c’mere!”
Ranboo, dreading every movement he makes, gets off of the floor and carefully passes the person on the couch, stepping into the kitchen as quietly as possible.
Standing beside Dream is the same person that came in swearing at him. He has dark hair that looks sort of reddish, and his eyes are nearly black in color. He looks a lot older than Dream for some reason, but that may be the facial hair and stronger build throwing Ranboo off. Either way, he’s definitely more intimidating than Dream, especially as he stares at Ranboo blankly before asking loudly, “Who the hell are you?”
“Uh, I’m-” Ranboo starts to introduce, but Dream takes over.
“This is Ranboo,” he tells his roommate. “The guy who I’ve been tutoring.”
His roommate narrows his eyes. “I thought you stopped tutoring after what happened with- shit, what was his name?”
Dream shakes his head. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, that kind of put me off it for a while. But Ranboo needed someone to teach him really badly, ‘cause he’s pretty shit at math,” Dream pauses to laugh, and Ranboo smiles awkwardly, not sure whether he should laugh here or not, “and I wanted to give tutoring a second shot, and he’s been pretty great.”
“Huh.” The roommate says, tone still neutral albeit forceful. “Cool. Is he staying for dinner?”
“Yeah.”
“Sick. It’s nice to meet you, Ranboo,” the guy pats Ranboo’s shoulder, his touch oddly warm, before walking out of the kitchen. “I’ll get the dumbass off our couch.”
“Thanks, Sap,” Dream calls out. A beat of silence passes before Ranboo can hear Sap vaguely harassing the guy off the couch, which makes Dream laugh before explaining, “That’s Sapnap. He’s more chill than that usually, he’s just been weird lately. Trouble in paradise sort of thing.”
“Oh.” Ranboo isn’t sure what to say, considering that what’s happening with Sapnap isn’t exactly Ranboo’s business.
Dream turns back to the pot on the stove, moving whatever’s in it around. Ranboo figures this might be a good time to go back to the living room, since it seems from the distant thudding sounds that Sapnap is either dragging the sleeping guy around, or one of them is stomping loudly.
Ranboo has one foot out the kitchen when Dream suddenly says, very nonchalantly, “He was at the funeral.”
Ranboo pauses. “He- uh,” his brain short-circuits for a second before remembering what funeral Dream’s probably talking about. “The- the one for, uh, J. Schlatt?”
“He said that there was a really tall guy sitting beside him for part of it,” Dream elaborates. “I figured that was you, since Sapnap said that Niki dragged herself there for some reason. Even though I’m pretty sure Niki hated Schlatt. Or, well, just about every guy in our class.”
Dream laughs, but Ranboo feels kind of… odd. He didn’t, well, he hadn’t- “I didn’t know you went to school with Niki.”
“There are, like, three high schools around here, Ranboo.” Dream moves away from the pot to open some cabinets, pulling out some sauce after a bit of rummaging. “D’Essempi was, like, where most of us went to. Except George, ‘cause he’s weird. He’s the guy that was sleeping on the couch.”
“Oh, okay.” Ranboo thinks that information over before asking, somewhat timidly, “So did you know Schlatt?”
“Nah, not very well.” Dream pours it in, remarkably casual considering that all of this information honestly surprises Ranboo. “He was dating this guy named Quackity, who- who hated me, for some reason. Like, he had it out for me. Sapnap and George liked him, though, but, well. High school was messy, and I don’t talk to any of those people anymore.” Dream sighs, sounding a little bitter, a little amused. “Honestly, I had no idea Niki was still around until I heard you bring her up. I forgot, like, all those people. Even- you knew Techno, right? Swear you brought him up once.”
Ranboo can’t remember doing that, but there’s no point in lying to Dream. “Uh, yeah. I- I sort of know Techno.”
“Me and him used to be buddies,” Dream says, almost fondly. “We got along really, really well. But, Ranboo?”
“Yeah?” Ranboo says, almost startled by the way that, within milliseconds, Dream’s voice shifted from fond to serious.
“Don’t tell Niki or Techno about me, okay?” Dream leaves the stove unattended for a few seconds, moving so that he’s standing directly in front of Ranboo, looking at him with an almost grave expression. “High school was really rough for me. I mean, I wasn’t, like, crazy like you are, but it was bad.” Dream sighs heavily. “I told all of them that after school, I was going to get away, move towns, whatever. But the plans fell through, and when I needed help? Only Sapnap and George stuck by me.”
“Oh.” Ranboo hadn’t realized, from all of Dream’s anecdotes about getting out into the world and doing something exciting, that he had dealt with that much. “I- I won’t tell anyone. Promise.”
“That’s why I care so much about you, Ranboo,” Dream admits, more vulnerable than Ranboo’s ever heard him. “You and I, we’re similar. When I look at you, I see someone going through shitty things. Someone with nobody in his corner. And I know that if I had just had one person who believed in me as much as I believe in you, I wouldn’t be so stuck here.”
Dream places a hand on Ranboo’s shoulder, his touch oddly cold. He gives Ranboo a small smile, though, and confesses, “To me, Ranboo, you feel like a second chance for me to do something right in my life. To- to help guide you, and help figure out what’s wrong with this- this place that’s failed both of us. You’re a bit of a lifesaver, Ranboo.”
And Ranboo’s heard Dream call him that so many times, but it was always in the context of what he had yet to do, what all the research was for. Hearing, now, that Dream’s own life was in ruins until Ranboo came along makes him feel… needed. Like for once, someone needs him.
“I won't tell anyone,” Ranboo promises again, because he would never betray Dream, not after hearing the way people treated him.
Dream smiles. “Good boy,” he says, his shoulders more relaxed than before. “Dinner’s ready in five minutes. Go study.”
And Ranboo, who saved Dream’s life just by being around and working at his side, obeys another order.
–
When Ranboo comes back home, Niki’s already asleep.
Considering that it’s only nine on a Monday, Ranboo had thought that she would stay up a little longer. But, there’s a bottle of alcohol on the kitchen table, so Ranboo figures it must have just been a long day of work.
He’s pretty exhausted too, if he’s honest. He only meant to stay for dinner with Dream and then go at around seven, but Dream and Sapnap got into what seemed like a heated conversation, and George tiredly engaged Ranboo in a game of Go Fish before the other two came back and brought out the poker chips, and Ranboo had no money to bet but Dream insisted he stay anyway. And it’s not like Ranboo was going to leave after everything Dream told him, so he stayed around until Ranboo saw a glimpse of George’s phone and realized the time. And so he said goodbye to all of them and promised to swing by tomorrow, and then spent the next while fumbling down the roads in the dark.
And now he’s here, pouring out Niki’s alcohol and trying not to think about how the brassy-colored liquid reminds him of Tubbo’s hair in the sunlight. His fingers almost feel sticky, though he’s sure that’s not the texture alcohol is meant to be, and as he tosses out the bottle, it sinks into his skin how much he doesn’t want to be back home.
When Dream’s around, it’s easier for Ranboo to cope– he has tasks to complete, both for himself and for Dream, and there’s rarely any time for him to be stationary before Dream pulls him into doing something else. At home, though, Ranboo’s alone with his thoughts. And in his thoughts dwells everything: the way that Niki’s alcohol tells Ranboo a whole tale of a depressive night, the way that the liquid reminds him of Tubbo, the way that Ranboo is so lost in his own life that he’s always a step away from being caught in a hurricane. A hurricane of alcohol bottles and red hair dye and filtered forest sunlight and the etch of a smile on Tubbo’s face-
Ranboo can’t pinpoint why his thoughts get caught on Tubbo the second he lets them wander. He needs that to stop happening, though, because if he thinks about Tubbo in the moments where Ranboo feels like an empty shell, unable to give and unable to reply…
… Ranboo doesn’t know what will happen. He just can’t afford to lay awake at night wondering how Tubbo looks when he’s tipping a drink back, if he still has that etch of a smile on his face, or if he breathes the way that Ranboo breathes, like there’s something consuming both of them. If the oxygen that Ranboo takes in is the same that Tubbo swallows from the bottom of his bottles. If it makes his head calm down, whatever’s trapped in there in the first place, what is there that Ranboo desperately wants to pry away from him as much as he wants to pry away the bottle and bad habit but can’t because Ranboo hasn’t been there enough to search and seize in the first place-
-Ranboo can’t think about Tubbo the way that his brain is pushing him to, because Ranboo is home now and that means Ranboo has to be an adult, and being an adult means that Ranboo makes decisions that are far more complex and important than deciding between falling asleep and catastrophizing about his friend’s life.
He tiptoes past Niki’s room, where the quiet signals xe’s in deep sleep, and steps into his room. Springerle’s not there, presumably sleeping with Niki, so Ranboo carelessly shoves his things onto the already-busy desk and changes into pajamas.
His entire wardrobe is depressing– bad textures that used to be okay-ish, overly masculine clothing that makes him sick, some of Niki’s clothes that she must have accidentally given him last laundry load that makes him feel even more nauseous– all awful, aside from a few salvageable sweatshirts he’s been wearing every second he can.
He sits up in bed, getting out his journal and writing down most of the contents of the day, almost all about his time with Dream, before he notices his phone still plugged into his charger from where he stopped by his room before seeing Dream to drop off his bag.
Finishing up his last sentence hastily, Ranboo closes his journal and puts it away before picking up his phone.
Niki: Ranboo where are you?
Niki: Are you okay?
Niki: Oh, I just realized you left your phone here.
Niki: When you see these messages, please don’t leave without telling me first. Especially if it’s after sundown. I get worried.
Tubbo: hey bossman :P
Tubbo: I didnt see u today D: probbly bc we have no classestogether today but still
Tubbo: I saw Niki on Saturday w Wil and she said she was busy during holidays
Tubbo: so I was wondering if you wanted t hang out aha
Tubbo: Ill see u tomorrow for now have a photo of a manatee
Tubbo: [image attached]
Dream: Hey, thanks for listening to me talk about everything today. I know it might feel like I put a lot of pressure on you, but I know you, Ranboo. Just remember not to spend your time on people who don’t love you
Fundy: Hey
Ranboo takes a deep breath. The text messages from Niki, plus her one missed call, don’t need a reply anytime soon; he can just apologize to her face-to-face tomorrow and come up with some excuse by then. Tubbo… well, as Tubbo put it, the two of them have classes together tomorrow, so he doesn’t have to answer that either. And, judging by how much Ranboo thinks about Tubbo, it wouldn’t be in Ranboo’s best interest to reply anyway. And Dream usually doesn’t care that much about replies unless it’s really, really important, and he knows that Ranboo is busy so it’s probably okay.
Fundy, though, is another thing entirely.
Ranboo’s been trying to forget about Fundy since bringing him up to Tubbo at the park, honestly. It’s not like there’s anything wrong with Fundy, but Fundy, to Ranboo, symbolizes a million different things that he can’t risk unrepressing now when he has a lot going on in his life, a lot that requires dedicated focus.
Ranboo wants to pretend that he doesn’t remember any of what Fundy told him. And honestly, it’s not like Ranboo remembers all that much of it. But he can vaguely recall just enough of their conversation: what both of them looked like as kids, who Fundy was to him vaguely, that Fundy used to smoke weed, that… something happened and it made Ranboo freak out to learn about it, and that Ranboo had a breakdown and left Fundy’s apartment convinced he would never go back.
The memories that Ranboo’s mind has kept locked away are important to him, to some degree. But there’s never going to be an okay time to try and puzzle them out, not when Ranboo’s constantly so stressed and so busy that he can’t rest for a second to even think too much about how tired he looked two years ago.
But it’s not fair to Fundy, maybe, that Ranboo’s so determined to shut him out. Even if Ranboo would rather risk losing his ex-foster brother again over learning something that completely ruins his ability to function, that doesn’t mean that he has to make that ultimatum right now. As far as Ranboo’s concerned, there’s only something concerning in Fundy’s texts if he looks too far into it– and of course he’ll look too far into it, he’s Ranboo– but Fundy just saying hey isn’t enough for Ranboo to be justified in shutting him out.
So, hesitantly, Ranboo texts back.
Ranboo: hi, how are you?
For a second, it seems like Fundy’s not going to respond. That would make sense– it’s late and university students are busy and it’s not like Ranboo is Fundy’s entire world. And yet, ten minutes later, when Ranboo’s close to giving up and going to bed, he gets a response.
Fundy: HOLY SHIT
… One that feels very accurate to what Ranboo’s seen of Fundy.
Fundy: Sorry hi
Fundy: I’m good man I’m really good
Fundy: How are you doing? I know it’s probably finals for you so I hope you’ve been doing okay :]
[
Ranboo: I’m okay! thank you for asking :)
[
Fundy: Of course of course!
Fundy: Hey man listen I’m sorry if I’m bothering you so late but
Fundy: I just kind of wanted to talk to you if that’s fine
Fundy: Tell you stuff
So Ranboo was right to overthink it, maybe. He had forgotten that to Fundy, the most important thing is explaining Ranboo’s past to him. He had forgotten the extent of Fundy’s desperation, far more than just an excited text or exclamation, but going so far that he was pleading Ranboo to stay until the second Ranboo left.
Fundy desperately wants something from Ranboo that Ranboo can’t give. Or, no, rather that Fundy desperately wants to give Ranboo something that Ranboo can’t take, no matter what. Ranboo is used to taking, taking, taking from people that deserve better, but this is the one time he has to refuse.
And he can’t give Fundy anything, either. Because even if Dream talked to Ranboo about how people want to exploit him, Ranboo’s never been good at offering people anything. He tries– God, he tries– but he can hardly give people even the slightest reason to stay, much less anything else.
… He guesses Fundy is just like that, though. Both of them in the same shoes. Both of them going down the same path, and yet another person trying to steer Ranboo in the right direction.
Ranboo: I’m sorry Fundy I don’t know if that’s a good idea
[
Fundy: NO NO NO
Fundy: NO I DIDN’T MEAN LIKE
Fundy: Okay
Fundy: I mean like
Fundy: Telling you chill stuff nothing like intense or anything lol
Fundy: Like like like
Fundy: Happy things! Good things!
Fundy: I don’t want to make you upset I don’t know if you think that’s what I want but it’s not
Fundy: I don’t want to make you upset not at all whatsoever
Fundy: It kills me to see you upset actually
Fundy: I mean I don’t like seeing anyone sad but especially not you because you’re my brother
Fundy: Well
Fundy: We used to be brothers but
Fundy: Let me just tell you some stuff I promise it’s nothing bad
Fundy: And hey you can tell me stuff
Fundy: I want to hear about school and friends and everything
Fundy: I just want to be in your life but I can’t if you shut me out. I promise I’m worth keeping around I promise you
Fundy: Please
Ranboo’s hands are shaking.
Ranboo: okay
Ranboo: yeah okay that’s okay
Ranboo: I’ll listen
[
Fundy: Oh thank God
Fundy: No but you don’t have to just listen
Fundy: You can talk too
Fundy: You always would like only listen as a child but never talked much
Fundy: No wait I’m telling you funny stuff shit sorry
Fundy: Okay one time you tried to adopt a garden snake
Fundy: Did I already tell you about that
… What?
Ranboo: no I don’t think so?
Ranboo: why?
[
Fundy: Fuck if I know you were a weird kid
Fundy: Pre-teen whatever you call it
Fundy: Kid to me because I’m old as shit
Fundy: I’m not I’m only 20
[
Ranboo: I know
[
Fundy: Yeah okay anyway
Fundy: Yeah you tried to adopt a snake that you found out in our backyard
Fundy: Where we used to live like it had a backyard and then a whole line of trees in the back
Fundy: And one day you just wandered out there while I was busy doing something and you came back to me with a garden snake and just looked at me
Fundy: And I was kind of too high to process the fact that you had a fucking snake
Fundy: But I was still like okay Mom and Dad would not like that
Fundy: But you were upset about it because by now you had already befriended the snake
Fundy: And I told you if you could hide it in your room and Mom and Dad didn’t notice then it would be fine
Fundy: But you told me that was a bad place to keep the snake
Fundy: So you just let it go after
Fundy: This was in the span of like ten minutes and I was really high so I spent the next couple minutes thinking all the grass were just tiny snakes
Fundy: You were surprisingly neutral about all of it though
Fundy: So yeah
[
Ranboo: wow
Ranboo: I had no idea that I liked snakes that much
[
Fundy: YEAH I DIDN’T EITHER
Fundy: It came out of nowhere
[
Ranboo: did I name it?
[
Fundy: Nah
[
Ranboo: aw
Ranboo: that sucks
Ranboo: I wanted to know my naming choices when thirteen
[
Fundy: I mean do you think they’d vary
Fundy: How do you name things now
[
Ranboo: well I guess I haven’t named anything recently?
Ranboo: because uh
Ranboo: Niki named Springerle because that’s her cat and everything
[
Fundy: OH RIGHT I FORGOT YOU LIVED WITH NIKI
Fundy: Can you pet Springerle for me
Fundy: I’ve only ever seen photos of her
[
Ranboo: she’s asleep with Niki right now
Ranboo: but I’ll pet her tomorrow for you
[
Fundy: Thanks man
[
Ranboo: no problem
There’s still a layer of unease in Ranboo with talking to Fundy, because there’s so much that’s just… there’s a massive elephant in the room, here, or more like an entire herd, and they aren’t talking about it. But, aside from that, it honestly feels kind of… nice to talk to Fundy? He’s a very talkative person, Ranboo’s gathering, or at least very excited to have a listener, and Ranboo does like listening, and it honestly works. It feels a little uneasy, but mostly okay.
Ranboo has so much happening with Tommy, with Tubbo, with Niki, with everyone, that he doesn’t want to think too much about this. Just… he wants to just let Fundy talk, and not think about whether or not this means Fundy will stay, or if it means Fundy will betray him, or anything.
Fundy: Ok I am curious about your life
[
Ranboo: there’s not really anything interesting going on
Ranboo: with my life I mean
[
Fundy: Yeah but I really don’t know much about you man
Fundy: Like. Ok
Fundy: You said you were sort of friends with Wilbur’s brothers, right? You said it was complicated
Ranboo doesn’t remember saying anything about that, but he’s sure he probably did when he visited Fundy at his apartment. He shouldn’t be surprised or impressed necessarily that Fundy remembers something like that, considering that Ranboo sets the bar low, but it’s still nice.
Ranboo: that’s true mostly yeah
[
Fundy: Do you have other friends
Fundy: I mean no shame if you don’t
Fundy: I have like three friends I’m not gonna judge you lol
Fundy: Not saying that you don’t have friends
Fundy: But if you didn’t have friends that would be cool still
[
Ranboo: it’s mostly just them
Ranboo: well, I guess it depends
Ranboo: Niki is my roommate so I’m not sure if that counts, Techno is my tutor
Ranboo shouldn’t bring up Dream, here. Not if Dream had bad blood with the people he went to school with; even if he didn’t interact with Fundy, who was probably a grade or two lower than him, it still isn’t the best move in Dream’s interests, and Ranboo isn’t going to disturb that.
Fundy: Oh okay
Fundy: What about Tommy and Tubbo
[
Ranboo: me and Tommy don’t get along
Ranboo: I would call Tubbo my friend yeah
Friend that Ranboo’s been ghosting, friend that deserves way better than Ranboo, friend that shouldn’t even be called a friend because if Ranboo pays it a second glance’s worth more of thought he starts to notice that his feelings towards Tubbo aren’t exactly just friendly-
-not that they aren’t just friends, and not that being just friends is anything bad, but anything that Ranboo has learned from TV shows and books says that thinking about your friend all the time and having to nearly force a barrier between the two of you just to get some sleep at night means that you’re probably not just friends and they’re either in a really bad situation, which Tubbo sort of is, or Ranboo’s in l -
- and Ranboo isn’t that, because it’s not like he’s capable of having that for any person, not when he’s as fucked up as he is, so he doesn’t feel that way towards Tubbo, the same way that he doesn’t worry about Tubbo all the time, the same way that Tubbo doesn’t drive him insane because why has he stopped texting him why is he ghosting him why can’t he be around him what is he so afraid of other than hurting him-
-but, hey. If he doesn’t start thinking about all that, then he and Tubbo are friends.
And it just takes a few agonizing text conversations, a few times eating lunch in the school library, and a few self-proctored crash courses on avoidance to make those thoughts stop.
He’s not avoiding Tubbo. He’s just… he’s just busy. He’s busy being busy with the busy act of breathing.
Fundy: Oh cool cool
Fundy: Yeah I’ve never spoken to Tubbo but I hear he’s cool
Fundy: Wilbur speaks highly of him
[
Ranboo: yeah Tubbo’s really cool :]
Ranboo: he’s really smart and creative and nice and everything
[
Fundy: Yeah?
Fundy: Sounds cool
Fundy: So he’s your main friend
[
Ranboo: in a way he’s sort of my only friend yeah
[
Fundy: Well fair enough!
Fundy: Let me know if he does anything shitty to you
[
Ranboo: oh no he wouldn’t don’t worry
[
Fundy: Okay
Fundy: But if he did
Fundy: I never got to have like that super cool older brother beat kids up situation
Fundy: So if things were to go that way
[
Ranboo: I think you’d have to beat Niki to that
[
Fundy: Ok if someone is being mean to you tell me first
Fundy: Then if I get beat up we tell Niki
Fundy: Who could beat both of us up
Fundy: Deal
[
Ranboo: deal
[
Fundy: Cool
Fundy: But yeah I’m glad Tubbo’s nice
[
Ranboo: yeah he’s awesome
[
Fundy: Fuck ok I just noticed its kind of late as hell
Fundy: I’ll let you go to sleep now
Fundy: Do well in finals tell Tubbo I say hi
Fundy: Love you
[
Ranboo: goodnight Fundy :)
He’s not ready to say that he loves Fundy yet. Especially considering he knows very little about Fundy. But, either way, Fundy hearts the message and Ranboo takes it as the conversation ending, putting on some music and finally collapsing in bed, eyes closing.
… Tomorrow is Tuesday. He needs to make himself breakfast, set out food for Springerle, apologize to Niki for ignoring her texts, drive himself to school, apologize to Tubbo for- scratch that , eat school lunch in the library, get his work done, and drive straight to Dream’s place during his research block. All things that should be easy enough to do, yet are difficult to keep straight in his head.
He can manage it, though. All he really has to balance is helping Niki and Tubbo, avoiding Tubbo, keeping Dream happy, staying in touch with Fundy, finishing his finals satisfactorily, and trying not to spiral at nothing.
For anybody else, it would be easy. For Ranboo, who’s clearly proven himself to be out of his mind and somehow on the brink of suicide no matter how old he is, it’s a lot more difficult. But, he’ll make it work, keep everyone satisfied, and get through the end of the year.
It’s not a choice for him, anymore. And that makes it all the more easy to obey.
–
It’s ten past one in the morning when Ranboo gets a phone call from Techno.
For a second, Ranboo doesn’t even register the time, having spent the past couple hours working on an assignment that he couldn’t finish up at Dream’s place– he was trying to work on it, but Dream wanted to talk over the photos again, and then his roommates came home, and before Ranboo knew it he was getting a pep talk about how he’s one of Dream’s favorite people before being rushed out the door. So, with zero concept of what time it was, it feels really weird that Techno would be calling him, because Techno hates phone calls and is usually busy in the afternoon anyway.
It’s only after Ranboo picks up his phone that he acknowledges the time, and realizes that this is a much more normal situation, where Techno also lost track of time and somehow reasoned that now would be a good time to catch up.
Admittedly, Ranboo should probably focus on his assignment, because that kind of stuff is important, and Dream’s been telling him to focus more on school than socializing unlike what Dream used to do– or what Dream’s old advice used to be, but things change and Ranboo gets that– so this assignment should be prioritized, probably.
But, Ranboo hasn’t talked to Techno in a while, and he’s honestly kind of missed him. And Dream said that Techno was his friend, anyway– or, at least, better than the other people who abandoned Dream– so it should be fine. Not that Ranboo needs Dream’s approval on his friends, necessarily, but it’s good to know he’s talking to someone that was nice to Dream when he needed it.
(And, honestly, he wasn’t making that much progress with the assignment anyway, because his brain was kind of busy thinking about somebody else, so maybe the distraction will be helpful to re-setting his head).
Ranboo picks up by the second ring. “Hey, Techno.”
“Hey, Ranboo,” Techno says, surprisingly loud for the time of day and seemingly unaware of that fact, by the way he asks, “Why’re you so quiet?”
“It’s one AM.”
There’s a pause, then a huff of air. “Is it?” Techno’s rhetorical question is followed by another, longer pause, before he says, “Oh. You’re right. Why’re you awake?”
“Working on finals,” Ranboo explains.
“Y’know,” Techno starts, as he tends to begin his rambles, “I heard that there was this guy in your area that offers to tutor kids, y’know. At, like, a pretty low price. Crazy.”
Sarcasm drips from Techno’s tone, and Ranboo winces. “Yeah,” he says, voice barely audible. Still, he wishes he could sound quieter, because he kind of wants to melt into his desk chair until he stops regretting the decision to answer the phone. “Sorry, I know it’s, uh, it’s been a while. There’s just- there’s just stuff, and I know that you’re, uh, I know that you’ve been busy with- with everything, so. Yeah, I just- I just figured until maybe, um, next year? We would- just, like, an impromptu break.”
“Were you gonna, like, communicate this break,” Techno points out, “or was I just s’posed to figure out ‘cause you were ghostin’ everyone.”
Ranboo chews his lip. “I haven’t- uh, you haven’t been- been texting me much? I mean, a bit, but I- you’ve kind of gone quiet, too.”
“Yeah,” Techno agrees. There’s a second where Ranboo wonders if he’s even going to elaborate, but Techno eventually continues, emphasizing, “That’s why I said everyone. Mostly my family.”
Part of Ranboo almost wants to call Techno a hypocrite, because he’s not exactly the best at answering text messages or, like, reaching out in general, but Ranboo figures that would be kind of a bad idea. And it would come off like he’s shifting blame or being accusatory when that’s not what he’s trying to do, he’s just trying to show that he didn’t intend to ignore everyone, not really. He sort of did, but, not in a bad way or anything. Just, he’s been busy and they don’t need him so it’s okay.
… Even if Techno’s not being a hypocrite, he’s still being confusing, because Ranboo’s not sure why he’s bringing all this up right now when Ranboo assumed this two-person call would be about the two people on the call, not everyone else.
But it’s not like he’s going to bring that bit up either.
“Sorry,” Ranboo finally decides on, which is the superior reply in this situation. “I, uh, it’s been- it’s been busy with, with finals and everything.”
“And with you and Tommy.”
Ranboo nearly drops his phone. He… okay, he hadn’t seen that coming up, even if he probably should. Or, actually, maybe he shouldn’t have, because that’s not really relevant to him and Techno either. Which is really confusing, still.
He takes a deep breath and tries to regain his composure. “... Yeah. I mean, I’ll be- I’ll be more free this winter break and- and all of that.”
Techno hums. “Why did you answer my call so fast, Ranboo? ‘Cause that’s- that’s kinda surprising, considerin’ that you haven’t been with people like Tubbo. Who’s, y’know, good friend of yours, I’m sure you remember him.”
Ranboo has to remind himself that Techno doesn’t know the extent of his memory issues. That a comment like that is done innocuously. That Techno isn’t mad at him, and Techno isn’t trying to be vicious, that Techno just has a point he’s trying to get across.
… But it feels like Techno is mad at him. And it feels kind of like when Ranboo and Tommy got into a fight, where Tommy was blaming Ranboo for every bad thing that’s ever happened even though Ranboo’s done nothing wrong. And it feels like Techno hates him and sort of wants him dead, just by the tone of his voice, Ranboo can hear it. Like he wants to shove him into the front seat of a car and beat his face in, like he wants to keep punching until he sees red, because Ranboo’s done something so so awful, he’s the only person alive who’s ever ghosted someone or miscommunicated everything, the only person who’s done it and therefore the only person that deserves to suffer for it, so people should throw him in the guillotine in the front of his car run him over make him suffer-
It sounds like that. To Ranboo, at least.
But what the hell does Ranboo know, anyway? All that other people seem to want him for is to be their delusional little punching bag. So who even trusts him to interpret this simple phone call correctly?
He grips the phone tighter.
“I’ve been busy,” he repeats, voice firmer. “A lot is going on. I see Tubbo almost every day, anyway. I saw him earlier today, actually. And he seemed fine with it.”
“Tubbo sat with Tommy at lunch today,” Techno corrects. “And you and Tommy are fightin’ or somethin’. So.”
“So what?”
“So you weren’t with Tubbo earlier.”
“Did Tubbo want you to call me or something?” Ranboo finally snaps, fingers clutching the bridge of his nose as he tries to take deep breaths. “Is he upset with me? Because if- because if that’s the case, then he could have just- he could have just told me that.”
Techno sighs. “Tubbo didn’t tell me to call you-”
“Then why are you acting like this is some- like you’re some- like this is some kind of mystery or something? Like, like that everything I say is- is just some kind of lie? If you’re angry at me, you can just say that, if you want me to go away, just- just tell me! And-”
“Keep your voice down,” Techno advises. “It’s the middle of the night.”
Ranboo lets out a frustrated noise, fingers reaching up to grip at the ends of his hair. “What is it that I’m doing wrong?” Ranboo asks, almost pleading, with the undercurrent of anger still pushing him ahead when part of him screams stop stop slow down why are you doing this what are you angry at you fucking psycho- “What do you want from me? What is it that you even want? Because it just seems like you’re- like you’re upset I’m not talking to Tubbo, or- or Tommy or something, but that’s- it’s not like that’s any of your business. And- and I’m sorry if you’re upset that I’m not texting you more but I kind of have a lot of stuff going on right now, and all of the time, so I don’t know why you expect me to- to always be around and always answer everyone and-”
“Keep your voice down.”
“-if you- if you’re angry at me then just- then just say it, it’s fine, I won’t be offended, I don’t need anyone anyway, and-”
“So that’s what it is.”
Ranboo pauses. “What?”
He hears the sound of Techno swallowing something down in the background of the call. Techno’s probably pulling an all-nighter or something, considering how messed up his sleep cycle always is. “You’re isolating yourself. Meanin’ that you’ve probably got a reason for that.” There’s a moment of silence: Ranboo, still trying to calm himself down, and Techno, waiting for a response. Eventually, it’s Techno who breaks it again, asking, “What’s up, Ranboo?”
“It’s-” Ranboo sucks in air through his teeth, “-none. Of your business.”
“I mean, it kinda is,” Techno argues. “You’re my friend, man, I gotta worry about you. Especially considerin’ you refuse to let anyone else do it.”
“I’m fine,” Ranboo says. Techno doesn’t reply, and Ranboo feels his irritation peak again, insisting, “I am. There’s- there’s nothing you need to worry about.”
“Y’know, Ranboo,” Techno replies, voice still casual. Before, Ranboo didn’t really care whether Techno was whispering or not, but now he can feel this discomfort under his skin, almost like there is something moving under there, at the thought of someone overhearing what Techno’s saying. Best case scenario, it’s someone like Philza, who doesn’t know Ranboo enough to do anything. Worst case scenario, it’s Tubbo or Tommy or Wilbur or, screw the best case scenario, Philza too, because if people start to think that something is wrong with Ranboo, then everyone will try to help, and nobody understands that what Ranboo’s dealing with is what Ranboo has to handle alone.
Nobody else could have saved Dream’s life– for God’s sake, nobody seemed to have tried– and nobody can save this town, because anybody with the dedication to try is worth more alive than dead, unlike Ranboo. Nobody else can do Ranboo’s homework for him, or cook Ranboo’s meals for him, or teach Ranboo how to live for him, because if he was still locked in the part of his life where he wished he had someone else, he would never have a reason to get out of bed.
Every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every year of every lifetime, Ranboo has spent alone. Like fractals, from the very start to now, from screaming at God in a rain-soaked car parked at a funeral to throwing on an apron and a day of misgendering at a place too bright for him, Ranboo has been alone.
And God, sometimes he wishes that it didn’t have to be him, that it could be someone else, that every altruistic thing he’s never gotten credit for wasn’t sculpted to fit his hands, that every mistake he’s made wasn’t etched onto his face. But, he’s the nobody with memory loss and so many things wrong with him that it’s a miracle he hasn’t killed himself already, and there’s nobody else better to try and do as many good things as possible in the futile effort to fill his legacy with something that made anything at all worth it, something that could explain why he had to exist in the first place.
And it’s just a phone conversation with an old friend, something that Ranboo shouldn’t pick apart like his life depends on it, but he has to acknowledge the fact that everything he does has to, in some way, affirm his destiny: his destiny of being alone until his death.
So, really, it’s no wonder that the words that Techno tells him makes no sense, because Techno doesn’t understand falling asleep every night knowing that you might wake up to a shadow at the end of your bed staring at you with hungry eyes. Techno doesn’t understand hearing whispers in the back of your skull saying the same words over and over again, reminding you of what you have to do. Techno doesn’t understand the way that the sidewalk by the creek will always shake under you like it might give out. Techno doesn’t understand being born at the age of fifteen with nothing but a faded-out identity, an apartment lease, and a phone number scrawled on a scrap of paper.
Techno doesn’t understand being born with only one possible end.
Nobody ever has. Not even Dream.
Which is why Ranboo tries his hardest not to think about it. He doesn’t document most of his visions, doesn’t talk about the days where he wakes up in a cold sweat knowing that it might be his last day. He doesn’t tell it to anybody, even the people who have seen him that way– Fundy, when he was younger; Niki, when Ranboo used to think she wasn't there; Dream, when Ranboo’s fifty minutes late to a meeting– just locks it all up. He tries to live a normal life, too scared to make anyone uncomfortable, too scared to accept the fact that everything else he does is useless.
Ranboo is a black hole.
He always has been. He always will be.
There’s a silence on the other line, the type that makes Ranboo think that Techno must have just said something. So many different kinds of silence. The one on the line, the one in his room. Ranboo won’t sleep tonight.
“What was that?” Ranboo asks. “Sorry.”
Techno doesn’t seem surprised. “I said somethin’ like, ‘y’know, Ranboo, that’d fool just about anybody. But you happen to be talkin’ to the guy that kinda pulled the same move you’re doin’ now and happened to screw up his whole life, so.’ Or somethin’ like that.”
Ranboo pauses. “I, uh-”
Techno laughs, no bitterness or tension in his voice. When it’s Techno, though, that doesn’t mean anything– he’s not a good actor nor is he apathetic, but with the way he can laugh at his own struggles like it hardly happened, it feels like both. “Ranboo, you’ve met me. We’ve met a few times, I’d even venture to say we’ve hung out, y’know, had some good times hangin’ out. You know me.”
“You have friends, though,” Ranboo points out. “And a family. You have three brothers.”
“Y’know, you asked me earlier if Tubbo told me to call you.” There’s the sound of someone shifting, and the vague sound of a dog panting in the background. “But I gotta say, man, that’d be kind of hard to coordinate considerin’ that the last time me and Tubbo talked one on one was when he skipped school to see you.”
Ranboo freezes. “... Oh.”
“I dunno if I come off as a family kinda guy to you, Ranboo, but I gotta say that’s definitely not what’s happening here.”
“... Why?”
“You tell me,” Techno retorts, and Ranboo can hear a bit of a smile in how he talks. “What were we talkin’ about just now? Isolatin’ from your loved ones?”
“Oh.” Ranboo says again, unsure of how to respond to all that.
There’s a loud sound of a chair creaking and the faint rhythmic pounding of a tail hitting the leg of a table. It takes Techno a few seconds of presumably navigating himself to pet Boreas before he tells Ranboo, “You should give Tubbo a call. S’not like I can read him, but I know he cares about you. Probably more than you wish he did.” There’s a second of pause, and then Techno lets out a loud sigh. “I just sounded like a mentor character, didn’t I? Ranboo, I’m doomed. Now I gotta mentor you through a friendship, this is the worst day of my life. I’m gonna die by the season finale– I can’t keep gettin’ away with this.”
Ranboo can’t find it in himself to laugh.
“You’re right, Techno,” he says through his teeth. “Goodnight.”
“Yeah, whatever, thou hero,” Techno responds flippantly. “See ya.”
Ranboo hangs up, setting the phone down beside him. His fingers curl into his hair, torn into pieces over the frustration that permeates the silence in his room, now edging forward to suffocate him. Thou hero, thou hero, thou hero– Techno has no idea just how much of a hero Ranboo has to be.
Tomorrow will be a better day. For Ranboo, everything is staked on that– his fate may be fixed, but his awareness of it doesn’t have to be. He has a chance tomorrow that Techno stole from him today. Tomorrow has to be a better day.
So, all he has to do is sleep. And it will be fine.
Because Ranboo Beloved will always be fine, even if that fact is what will kill him.
–
(But he doesn’t sleep, does he?
Thou hero, thou hero, thou hero sunlight in the bottom of a bottle, like his sunlight, have to fix it have to fix it, can’t be a punching bag, thou hero thou hero they don’t know what you are, can’t fall for someone, too far gone, don’t be a damsel don’t be anything thou hero thou hero thou hero his eyes
He just lays awake.)
–
Grocery store. Bright lights, loud noises, constant movement. The freezer aisle is the most disorienting spot, but the fresh produce is where all the familiar people show up. It’s a bad idea to hide in the snack aisles, but don’t even go close to the pharmacy. The medicines make you sick. Because you know you need them. You know you do. All of them at once. Like a calling.
Ranboo pushes the shopping cart lazily, brain in a slight fog. He just has to get enough so that Niki can make them both dinner, then he can get some of his finals’ work done so that Dream won’t get upset with him, and he’ll finally find some way to text Tubbo back before it’s too late. He’ll ignore just about everyone else. A slow trot to the end.
It’s never like this in writing. Literature has found that most prophecy-holders have it buried in the back of their skull, or have some kind of artifact keeping their fate intact, or even have some friends alongside them. Icarus was always the Icarus who fell, even before he did. Achilles always had a weakness in his heel ever since he was created with one. That’s how fate is meant to be, predestination or something. It sounds religious, and maybe it is, but the gods hated Achilles and Icarus and God hates Ranboo, now. Nothing has changed.
Ranboo doesn’t know why he feels so normal, sometimes. Whether it’s just a trick that Tubbo, Niki, Techno, Dream, and Fundy all collectively cast on him, or if it’s something else. If the world were fair, Ranboo would only ever be what his ending is, but Ranboo hardly knows what that is past his own death. He knows he has a town, but no idea how to save it. What he has to do. He’s trying to make his own prophecy by piecing together everything he has. A child’s careless science fair project.
Ranboo is trying to craft his own death. It’s not suicide. It’s not self-preservation. It’s not anything at all.
But it’s everything.
Ranboo is the black hole at the center of a galaxy he is trying to create. But Ranboo is the sister that dyed Niki’s hair. Ranboo is the student that read Dream’s notebook. Ranboo is the friend that drove Tubbo back home. Ranboo is the brother that listened to Fundy’s CDs.
He’s all of these and none of them. He’s supposed to be something beyond what he is.
He can’t fathom the idea of not being something beyond what he is.
He can’t handle having to be himself when he doesn’t know who that is.
When it’s harder to recreate himself than it is to make a galaxy. Weave a story. Ink his own prophecy. It’s easier to make himself a harbinger of hope than accept that he doesn’t know who he is.
Eggs in the cart. Milk in the cart. Turnips in the cart. Crackers in the cart. Spiders in the cart. Spiders in the cart. Spiders in the cart. White spiders in the cart why is he in the parking lot did he even pay for it did he pay God it’s so bright outside why is he here to see this who put him here what is he supposed to do WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO
Ranboo is sitting in his car, half the grocery list in the passenger’s seat, half the grocery list still unchecked. He should go back into the store to get the rest, so that Niki isn’t disappointed, but he can’t find the will to get out of the car. He can’t find a reason to start the ignition and drive home. There’s no way out, no way back, no way forward. His parking job is perfect for the space he was given, and now he’s stuck.
It’s just a bad day. It has to just be a bad day. There’s no reason why he should be thinking like this. He’s not going crazy, that’s not what’s happening. If he wanted to, he could pick up his phone and call Tubbo. He could tell him everything that’s going on and he knows that Tubbo would at the very least listen, even if he hung up after. He could do that, because he’s still in control, he’s been in control this entire time.
He’s shaking so badly he can’t drive. There’s a reason why one doctor, when he was younger, must have thought he had some kind of mental illness, yet no other doctor since told him the same. There’s a reason.
People like him shouldn’t be on the roads. They shouldn’t be driving. Ranboo can’t see clearly, can’t think coherently, can’t move logically. If anyone saw him like this, be it Tubbo or the law enforcement, they would lock him away forever. They would give anything in the world to shut him up.
Ranboo is a seventeen year old sitting in the parking lot of his local grocery store, and he’s somehow convinced himself that he’s the only thing stopping the world from ending.
God, he doesn’t even remember how he got here.
There’s something wrong with his head. There has to be something so wrong with him that Dream thinks he’ll kill himself every second, and Techno thinks he’s isolating so far apart that he’ll lose all his loved ones, and Niki thinks that he’s too far gone to even be worth spending New Year’s with, and Fundy thinks there’s something life-ruining he has to know, and Tommy thinks he’s a monster that ruined everyone’s life, and Tubbo-
-and Tubbo-
There has to be something so wrong with Ranboo that everyone thinks like that. Because there’s something wrong with every person in the world for thinking that of him, something wrong with all of them for making him out to be this monstrous entity when he’s not, all these people forcing him to never have the chance to be okay.
But, it’s impossible to fault so many people in one fell swoop.
So there has to be something wrong with Ranboo.
And he can’t say a word about it. He doesn’t even think it’s possible.
–
By the time Ranboo gets home, three hours have passed. Niki’s already made herself dinner. She watches Ranboo crack the eggs in the pan to make an omelet as if the second she turns around, he’ll shove his face in the stove.
Xe says nothing. Ranboo says nothing. It’s entirely silent from the moment Ranboo walks in to the moment that he washes his plate.
Until, just before Niki can turn and bid xemself goodnight, Ranboo says, “I’m fine.”
“Okay, Ranboo,” xe replies.
“It was a bad day.”
“Okay, Ranboo.”
“You don’t trust me, do you?’
Niki pauses, entire body rid of her usual sway, and she steps forward to kiss Ranboo on the head. Like a sister bidding her brother goodnight. Like a sister bidding a stranger goodbye.
“Goodnight, Ranboo,” she says softly. “I love you.”
“It was a bad day,” he tries to tell her one last time.
She nods. “It was a bad day.”
Then, she turns around, closes the bedroom door behind her, and Ranboo follows her footsteps, like a haunt, to bid himself goodnight.
–
When Ranboo wakes up in the morning, he feels the weight of a thousand people’s burdens on his shoulders. He feels awful, like his life is about to end in a few hours, like everything he’s ever held dear will get ripped from him because he’s about to endure something so wholly awful.
He has his Calculus final today, after all.
And so, like every seventeen year old boy does, Ranboo pushes himself out of bed and trudges miserably to his academic death, with the companionship of his well-earned car keys at his side.