Chapter Text
Thoughts
"Quoted Memories"
Fine.
He was Fine.
Everything was fine.
He had to be fine.
It's what everyone expected of him, after all.
But... He wasn't fine. He wasn't the class sunshine, he wasn't happy or even okay, and he most certainly was not Deku like you can do it. No, Izuku Midoriya was a broken shell of a boy, just your normal useless, worthless Deku. Not that anyone ever noticed.
That's why he's here, smiling faintly as he looks at the Christmas decorations in the park. He is thankful that no one is around making him hide his true feelings. Hide his intentions for tonight. Because tonight while everyone rings in the new year with their loved ones, he will give them the greatest gift he can. The gift of not being bothered, of silence, and of him no longer being a burden on everyone.
His classmates, they will get to soar without him holding them back. They won't have the target on their back because of him. No, He's giving them the chance to succeed in ways they wouldn't otherwise. Because all he has ever done was take away precious time, resources, and space.
Izuku stopped walking in front of a dark alley and turned to look at U.A. in the distance. He had chosen this spot for a reason. He knew that the cameras from the school couldn't pick him up from here. But he also knew it gave the best view for him so he could see the place that has been most like a home to him.
Giving a soft smile, Izuku gave a slight wave to the building. Thank you for giving me a chance for letting me dream a little bit longer. I apologize for wasting so much of the teacher's time and for being so selfish. Most importantly, thank you for giving me a glimpse at a world that is so different from my own.
Turning back to the alley, Izuku walked down to the end, where a wall cut off his path. Izuku let himself fall into the pile of trash bags that lined one side of the alley, a small laugh escaping him at the irony. Not quite gutter trash but still where I belong.
After moving around to get as comfortable as possible, Izuku reaches into his backpack and pulls out a utility knife. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he presses the blade to his wrist, finally letting go of the memories haunting him.
"Deku means someone who can't do anything."
A thin horizontal gash appears going from one side of Izuku's wrist to the other.
He pauses for a moment, watching the blood start to pool at the top of the cut before running over the edges of his arm. A genuine smile spread across his face, "I did it."
Moving the blade up a little bit, he continues what he set out to do.
"There's no hope for him."
Cut.
"I'm sorry, Izuku. I'm so sorry!"
Cut.
"Without power, can one become a hero? No, I should think not."
Cut.
"It's not wrong to dream; however, you need to be realistic."
"Ill-suited vessel."
"You should know your place, useless Deku! Beneath my feet!!"
"Completely irrational when you consider someone like you got in."
"Inconvenience to those around you."
"You're nothing but a liability."
"Worthless, quirkless wonder."
"You want to be a hero so bad? If you think you'll have a quirk in your next life... Go take a swan dive off the roof!!"
Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut. Cut!
Izuku moves the blade up his arm till each forearm has half a dozen gashes. Letting the blade slip from his fingers, Izuku leans his head back to look up at the sky. "Well, Kacchan, it's not a roof, but it'll work."
His smile never fades as he closes his eyes, at peace for the first time in a long time.