Work Text:
Violins play as the camera pans over a snowy mountain range. The camera begins to slowly zoom in, focusing on a road. A large black truck flies down the road. Duke narrates.
Duke: This is the story of one of the world’s most ancient organizations. A cult that is known for their power and violence. A business that is known for its disregard of the law. A myth that has persevered. This is the story of the League of Assassins.
Inside the car Jason can be seen, sitting in the passenger’s seat, his head leaned against the window, staring into the distance. In the lower left corner credits flash by. Jason’s voice begins to narrate.
Jason: I was only fifteen. Fifteen when- when everything changed. It was as if I died and was resurrected as a soldier. As one of their followers.
The scene shifts to show Jason in a featureless room looking off camera, deep in thought.
Duke: Before joining the League, you were just a normal kid, right?
Jason looks somber: Yeah, I was just a normal kid. A normal kid in a cult. I jumped off rooftops, punched the mentally ill, and lived with a controlling rich dude. Then one day I woke up and these creeps were soaking me in some bubbly green shit. Like usually I love bubble baths, but this shit was not fun. A little tingly, but not fun.
Duke: What happened after you woke up?
Jason: I became one of them... I started training, learning to fight, to- to kill.
Jason continues speaking even as the scene changes. It cuts to Jason in a Little Gym with a plastic sword, he's swinging it around, occasionally dropping it or accidentally whacking himself.
Jason: They trained me to be a master assassin.
Jason accidentally hits himself in the shin with the sword. He falls down, dropping the sword, holding his shin and audibly groaning in pain.
Jason: I am- was one of the best.
Shows Jason on the floor with Dick (face blurred) rolling up his pant leg and examining perfectly clear skin.
Jason: They taught me how to fight, how to work past my fears, how to handle pain
Dick kisses the wound better as Jason bites his hand trying not to cry.
Jason: God, I- I'll always remember the pain they put me through. After my training- after all they put me through, I- I don't even notice pain anymore.
Jason chuckles darkly as the video shows Dick putting a Green Lantern band-aid on his shin, which is still perfectly clear and uninjured.
Jason: I'm just- I'm just trying to move past all of it.
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The scene shifts to show Red Robin on a rooftop at night. Underneath him font reads ‘Red Robin: Expert on the League of Assassins’
Red Robin: The League of Assassins is a cult and the inventor of multi level marketing schemes. Now they exist as a hybrid business and cult run by Ra’s Al Ghul.
Duke: How does that work? Being a business and a cult?
Red Robin: It works surprisingly well. In fact they’re doing much better than the Peoples Temple ever did. By adding a strong business model to their cult they’re able to afford name brand Kool-Aid.
Duke, nods and makes a noise of approval: Could you give me an overview of their business?
Red Robin: Of course, the League of Assassins focuses on connecting their consumers with highly skilled and incredibly violent individuals who are able to complete jobs that are legally frowned upon. These professionals are typically ones who have trained within the League of Assassins for an extended period of time, however exactly how skilled the individual is depends on how much the consumer pays or how important the job is to the Leagues spiritual mission.
Duke: That doesn’t sound like most multi level marketing schemes I’ve heard of.
Red Robin: That’s because the mlm aspect of their organization was taken over by their sister organization the League of Shadows.
Duke, nodding: Now, regarding the League of Assassins services how much do they typically cost?
Red Robin: At least a whole dollar.
Duke: So these are luxury services then?
Red Robin: Yes.
Duke: Do they have different pricing brackets based on the skill levels of their assassins?
Red Robin: Not really, while some customers may pay more than others there is not a huge difference. Afterall, according to their mission statement ‘All of our assassins can assassin’ and because of this all are deemed competent enough to fit into a luxury pricing bracket.
Duke: And how can they be so sure of this?
Red Robin: They have a very strict training program that all job applicants follow. This training is done alongside the more religious cult practices and provides all members with extensive murder skillsets.
Duke: And what does this training look like?
Red Robin: I couldn’t say for sure, well, I could, I just don’t want to. To truly understand the League of Assassins work culture I would recommend speaking with someone who trained and worked with them.
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Another snowy mountain range is shown.
Duke’s voice narrates: We decided to take Red Robin’s advice and reach out to Pru, a former high ranking League of Assassins member.
Pru can be seen sitting in a featureless room with her hands folded on a table in front of her. Underneath her font reads ‘Pru: Former assassin with the League of Assassins’.
Pru, sounding teary: I- I was young, naive. I just wanted to join a normal cult. Live in a weird mansion, dress like a furry, punch a clown, y'know usual cult stuff. But this-
She turns away from the camera, shuttering.
Pru: I never even got to dress in green panties or a yellow cape.
Pru cries
Duke: What was it like? Living with the League?
Pru: Living with the League, working with the League, it was- it was a lot. The training was strict.
Pru can be seen being yelled at by Deathstroke as she salutes him.
Pru: Every morning we woke up before sunrise.
A clip of Pru making a bed in a barren room plays.
Pru: We ate a bland goop.
A video of Pru eating what looks like watery gray oatmeal.
Pru: We exercised.
Pru is shown running back and forth around a tiny room, she accidentally runs into the wall breaking her nose.
Pru: Then we trained. For hours and hours.
A video of Pru trying to punch a mannequin plays, she keeps missing the mannequin.
Pru: We became weapons.
Another video of Pru windmilling her arms and running around a room.
Duke: How did you escape?
Pru: It was less of an escape and more of, of a change in loyalties. I was assigned to watch and assist the hero known as Red Robin. He was on some big Marty McFly mission or something and I was sent with two other assassins to first watch him and then later to help him.
Duke: And how did that change from working under the League of Assassins orders to follow Red Robin to actually, genuinely following Red Robin?
Pru: That’s hard to say. Owens, Z, and I, we- we began to trust Red. We fought alongside him and saw his beliefs, his morals up close. I think we all respected his dedication, but for a long time we still stood by the League. We were dedicated to the League and to what we believe it gave us.
Duke: Could you explain what you mean by ‘what it gave to us’?
Pru: Everyone goes to the League seeking something. Whether that’s training, strength, knowledge, or purpose, we all seek something from the League. And all they ask for in return is our entire being. And perhaps that’s what drew us to Red Robin. He was getting something from the League without giving up himself. It was impressive.
Duke: Is that why you decided to leave the League? To follow him?
Pru: Fuck no, I’m not following that depressed piece of shit. I’m my own person now, he’s a friend and he helped me realize that I needed to leave the League, but I won’t follow that shithead.
Duke: That’s understandable. So, when did you realize?
Pru: Like I said before, it’s hard to say, but I probably started to realize, or at least started questioning my place, when my throat was slit. When I was bleeding out on the desert floor with my two best friends dying beside me... That’s when things started to change for me. After that I questioned everything. I couldn’t say much or really speak up for myself, not with the damage to my throat, but I began to see the problems that Red Robin saw. Then our base was attacked by a rival organization and everything went to shit, so I decided it was time. I made my decision. I left.
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Duke is sitting at a table in a run down looking warehouse facing Red Robin.
Duke: Can you discuss the cult aspect of the League of Assassins?
Red Robin: The League of Assassins believes in creating balance and molding the world to fit their view through murder and assassination.
Duke: And how do they decide who to kill, or how to create the balance they seek?
Red Robin: Those decisions are made by their holy leader Ra’s Al Ghul. He acts as a guiding source for the League, Ra’s decides who to kill, when to kill, how to kill.
Duke: You mentioned that name earlier, but could you explain who Ra’s Al Ghul is?
Red Robin: Ra’s Al Ghul is the current leader of the League, based on my research he is the only official leader, long-term leader they’ve had. It does seem that others have briefly taken up the mantle, but as a close friend of mine says ‘Ra’s Al Ghul is the main hoe’.
Duke: What are his credentials?
Red Robin: According to the League Ra’s has a direct connection to god and is believed to be a divine messenger, uh- Jesus Christ’s bitch if you will. He acts as a direct line to the divine.
Duke: But, he himself is not divine. Correct?
Red Robin: That’s right, he’s just a cog is the machine that is the universe. His purpose is to spread the gospel and handle the administrative aspects of the League of Assassins.
Duke: Does he train anyone? Does he have any fighting capabilities?
Red Robin: He will assist with training, but it’s not his main purpose, so typically he only trains the most promising students. As for fighting capabilities, yes, he is an incredibly dangerous man who should not be trifled with. The only thing that keeps him from burning the world down is his strict moral views. He believes in balance and he doesn’t believe in killing just to kill. Ra’s, he- he has a complex personal code that not even I fully understand, but it’s this code that makes him who he is. This code is what separates the Demon’s Head from the Joker.
Duke: He sounds very dangerous, how do you study the league without putting yourself in danger?
Red Robin: Oh, no I don’t have to worry about that.
Duke, sounding confused: Why not?
Red Robin, in a dismissive, nonchalant tone: I’ve already pissed him off and impressed him, so he wants to, like, destroy me but also make me his heir? I dunno, I don’t get it, but it’s pretty creepy and not at all appreciated.
Duke: Wh-what? How did that happen?
Red Robin shrugs: I blew up a few of the League's bases, and then he got super pissy and kicked me out a window. And then the League basically kidnapped me. Honestly, it was all pretty rude.
Duke: Oh, that’s, uh-
Red Robin, looks up as though he suddenly remembered something: Also they took my spleen.
Red Robin turns to the camera as he says: I still don’t know where it is, but Ra’s if you’re watching, I want my fucking spleen back!
Duke: …
Red Robin: I- I just really want my spleen. It was my eighth favorite organ.
With that Red Robin stands up and leaves the room. Font reads, “Red Robin was not seen again until a week later.”
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The scene shifts to show the North Pole amusement park in Colorado. In the lower left screen the font reads ‘Nanda Parbat: League of Assassins HQ’. The image shifts to Jason walking through the park pointing at random kids.
Jason, labeling the kids: Assassin. Assassin. Assassin in training. Assassin.
Jason suddenly turns and blocks the camera as Damian (with his face blurred) walks by: Don't even film that one, blood thirsty beast.
The camera quickly turns away as Jason’s hand attempts to cover it. After a moment of fumbling the screen goes black then changes to Jason sitting beside Duke in front of a food stand. Eating a popsicle.
Duke: So, working with the League of Assassins is pretty dangerous.
Jason: I mean, yeah, even getting into the League is dangerous, I only got in after I died.
Duke: Metaphorically?
Jason, pausing and staring at his popsicle before shrugging and going back to eating it: Sure. Let’s go with that.
Duke: Oh, uh, okay? Could you describe getting into the League?
Jason: Well, they dunked me in the Jesus Juice that they keep in all their secret club houses. Then suddenly I was alive, had to dig my way outta a coffin and pretty sure I took another dip, but honestly that parts a bit fuzzy. After that I was in, did a bunch of training, learned to fight, to kill. And, yeah, that- that was that.
Duke: And how did you escape?
Jason: I just sorta left and started blowing shit up in gotham. I’m pretty sure they thought of me as the ‘unapproved failed experiment,’ so they didn’t try too hard to hold on.
Duke looks like he wants to question it when suddenly Jason drops his popsicle.
Jason, looks at the fallen treat clearly disappointed: Aw, popsicle, no.
The interview ends and once again Jason’s walking around the amusement park gesturing to things.
Jason, pointing to the trash can: This is a trash can, it was inspired by an ancient mesopotamian design for waste disposal and it is very deadly, don’t touch it.
Jason, pointing to a child sized ferris wheel: That is where we train when we want to focus on spatial awareness, fighting in such a contained area forces you to be more aware of your surroundings and it is very deadly, don’t touch it.
Jason, pointing to a merry-go-round: Over there is the equestrian battle training center. Here we focus on training to fight on horses and it is very deadly, don’t touch it.
Duke: Is there anything here that isn’t ‘very deadly’?
Jason, looks around: Uhhhh…
Suddenly Jason sees a safety rail and points to it.
Jason: That is a safety rail.
Duke: Okay, so-
Jason: And it is very deadly, don’t touch it.
Duke: …
Jason: Want to keep exploring?
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Damian can be seen sitting in the interview room, his face is blurred.
Duke: You were born in the league, right?
Damian speaks, his voice is modified to sound high pitched and mechanized: Yes. From the moment I was born I was trained to be the deadliest assassin.
A photoshopped picture of some random baby holding a knife flashes on screen. Another picture of that same baby flashes, this time photoshopped to look like the baby is assassinating a world leader.
Damian: When I was three days old I had already slit my first throat.
Duke: That's some impressive grip strength for a baby.
Damian: I had been practicing grip strength while in the womb.
Duke: …
Damian: I killed with no remorse.
Duke: And how did that make you feel?
Damian: …Remorseful.
Duke, sounding sincere: That makes sense. What was it like being raised an assassin?
Damian: Bloody.
Duke, again sounding sincere: That must have been difficult, dealing with the stains I mean.
Damian: It was, thankfully I learned the ancient Greek stain removal method.
Duke: Would you mind showing our viewers?
Damian: Of course.
The scene switches to Damian (face still blurred) in a nondescript laundry room with a pile of bloody clothes. For a moment it looks like he’s about to start cleaning them, then a nicely dressed, older man whose face is blurred (Alfred) walks in and starts cleaning them. Damian leaves and the camera follows him out. The scene switches back to the interview room.
Duke: Thank you. That was very informative.
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Back in the rundown warehouse with Red Robin.
Duke: What are the Leagues religious practices and their religious values?
Red Robin: The League revolves around the idea of creating balance by any means necessary, this is the motivating principle of their organization. And they believe that to uphold this principle they must kill individuals and even societies that threaten the balance. That belief leads to religious practices rooted in mastering the martial arts and maintaining a strict daily training regime. Think of it as a monastery, but instead of praying they just hit things.
Duke: Do they have god?
Red Robin: Yes. They pray to the Manbat.
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Duke is shown walking down the road turning his head to speak to the camera. It’s drizzling and gray outside, the sun is starting to set.
Duke: Tonight we are going to try to interview the Batman. According to our sources he trained with the League and at one point was intended to be the heir to the Demon Head, now whether or not he agreed with those plans and intended to lead the League we don’t know. But, hopefully we’ll figure that out tonight.
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Duke is dressed in a thick coat crouched on a rooftop, suddenly a dark caped figure drops down in front of him. Duke stands up and approaches the figure.
Duke: What's your name?
Batman: Excuse me?
Duke: Could you just say your name?
Batman: Why? Why are you even out right now you [beeeeeppppp]?
Duke: …
Batman: Wait, are you filming me?
The camera shakes as Duke runs away.
Cuts to the interview room again, this time Batman is at the table.
Batman: What's going on? [Beep] why am I here? I was told we had urgent case files to review?
Duke: Please state your name and connection with the League of Assassins for the camera.
Batman: ...Excuse me?
Duke, speaking slowly and loudly: Please state your name and connection with the League of Assassins for the camera.
Batman: What are you doing [beep]?
Duke: My name is Duke Thomas, I am making a documentary on the League of Assassins. Red Robin said you could help.
Batman: YOU’RE WHAT?!
Duke: …
Batman: WHAT THE [BEEP] ARE YOU [BEEP]S THINKING?! A DOCUMENTARY ON THE LEAGUE?!?! DIDN’T THEY TAKE [BEEP]’S SPLEEN??
Batman continues yelling, a lot of beeps interrupt his rant, as the screen fades into black. Font reads ‘Batman refused to cooperate.’
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Duke is standing outside of Wayne Enterprises talking to the camera.
Duke: It appears that the organization is more powerful and secretive than previously suspected, so powerful that even Batman is afraid of discussing them. But what is there to be so afraid of? To answer this question we are going to speak with Ra’s Al Ghul’s daughter Talia Al Ghul, the League of Assassins PR Manager.
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Duke is sitting at a professional looking conference table. He looks very nervous. The clicking of heels can be heard as Talia Al Ghul enters the frame and sits down near Duke.
Duke: Please introduce yourself for the camera and state your connection to the League of Assassins.
Talia: Talia Al Ghul, daughter of the demon head.
Duke: And are you currently active within the League?
Talia just raises an eyebrow and doesn’t answer.
Duke: Could you explain your role in the League?
Talia takes a sip of tea, but still doesn’t answer.
Duke: What can you tell me about the League and yourself?
Talia sighs and it seems like she won’t answer.
Duke: Ok-
Talia: The League of Assassins is an ancient organization that has been influencing the course of human history for many generations. We free the world from corruption by any means necessary, even if it means the fall of a nation.
Duke: Is it true that Ra’s Al Ghul acts as a divine messenger?
Talia, looking at Duke like he’s a dumbass: …
Duke: I’ll take that as a yes. According to our sources the League of Assassins invented the multi level marketing scheme, is this true?
Talia raises an eyebrow: No. The League of Assassins is not a multi level marketing scheme.
Duke: Is the League of Assassins currently functioning as a business and cult?
Talia sighs, looking deeply annoyed.
Talia, looking off screen: Habibi why did you bring me here?
Damian, voice still distorted: I wanted you to meet [beep] mother.
Talia: I need to have a long discussion with your father about [beep].
Damian: Mother please do not [beep beeeeepppp beep]
Damian and Talia continue talking, most of what they say is censored with beeps, the conversation fades as the screen turns black and font reads ‘Talia Al Ghul was unable to answer any other questions’
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Duke can be seen standing by the docks in Gotham at night, he’s shivering slightly and looks nervous. Font on the screen reads, ‘The Bludhaven vigilante Nightwing arranged an interview with a former member of the League of Assassins’ the words fade and are replaced with words that read ‘The crew was only given a place and time, no details of who they were meeting’. Suddenly he stiffens, then he looks at the camera.
Duke: I think I saw something.
There's a pause as Duke looks around.
Duke: Who’s there?
A clanging noise comes from the background.
Duke: W- who are you?
Duke’s eyes widen as he sees something off screen.
Duke: I said, who are you?
Slade Wilson seems to materialize from behind Duke, but Duke doesn’t realize he’s there.
Slade: You must be the infamous Duke Thomas.
Duke, startles then turns around to see Slade in full Deathstroke gear.
Duke whispering to himself just loud enough to be picked up by his mic: Holy shit Nightwing set up an interview with Deathstroke the Terminator. Holy shit I am going to die.
Slade: Nightwing said you wanted to speak.
Duke: Uh, yeah, ok, just please don’t like, y’know, kill me?
Slade: Don’t waste my time and I’ll consider your request.
Duke, voice slightly high pitched: Cool. Great. Okay, uh can you state your name?
Slade: Slade Wilson. But most know me as Deathstroke the Terminator.
Duke, voice slightly more high pitched: That’s- uh- so cool. So, c-can you tell me about your experience with the League of Assassins?
Slade: I have trained and worked with them on many occasions. They are a formidable group.
Nightwing, yelling from somewhere off screen: Give him the details!
Slade, looking mildly irritated: Must I remind you that I am only here, right now, not killing either of you as a favor to Jericho?
Nightwing flips into frame with a smirk: What did me interrupting your last three contracts not influence your decision?
Slade, pulling out a gun: I will murder you.
Duke: And that’s all we have time for! Great interview, thank you Mr. Terminator Murder Man!
The camera starts to shake as Duke and the camera person run, gunshots can be heard off screen.
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Duke is sitting in a conference room with Red Robin, they have a phone in between them. Font appears on the screen reading ‘Red Robin assisted in scheduling an interview with a current League of Assassins member’ the phone starts ringing as the words fade and are replaced by ‘Once again the only information given was a time and date.’
Duke: Thank you for scheduling this meeting Red Robin.
Duke doesn’t seem to notice that the ringing has stopped and someone has answered.
Duke: So who’re we interviewing again? Is it anyone important?
Ra’s: I am the demon’s head and I do not appreciate having my time wasted. Why are you calling [beep]?
Duke, looking scared but also exhausted: Red Robin?
Red Robin: Yes?
Duke: Did you schedule a phone interview with Ra’s Al Ghul?
Ra’s: This was not scheduled. You are interrupting a very important meeting, so tell me your purpose now.
Duke: Hi Mr. Demon Man Sir, we’re just calling to interview you for a documentary?
Ra’s hangs up.
Red Robin: Sorry, he’s a bit moody.
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Duke walks through the amusement park looking at the camera.
Duke: So what is the League of Assassins, an ancient religious cult? A multi-level marketing scheme? An ancient order of assassins? An insidious organization of dangerous people, secretly controlling the world? Or perhaps it’s just a decently run business with some concerning practices. All we can say for sure is that the League is no myth, they are alive and very, very dangerous.
The credits begin to roll as a panning video of a mountain range plays in the background.