Chapter 1: Relapse
Chapter Text
Oh, the agony...
...of going to a bar hoping to see that one special person, just to realize that they’re not there waiting for you;
...of scanning the crowd for that one pretty face (once every torturous minute you waste talking to somebody you don’t care about), but you just don’t see it;
...of finally realizing that you’re the biggest fool in the universe, a fucking sucker for something you don’t even want.
This agony is a new experience for Sebastian, one that he would have gladly done without. It’s the cruel, humiliating punchline of a drama in three acts.
I. The Illusion
[08:49 AM] hey, i hope you still have this number. it’s me, bas. i won’t believe it until i’ve heard it from you. is it true???
[10:14 AM] Oh, hi! Good to hear from you. The paperwork is all signed, so yeah :)
[10:15 AM] holy shit...sounds like we got something to celebrate! see you at scandals this weekend?
[11:55 AM] Maybe on Saturday, but I’m not entirely sure yet. If I go, I guess you’ll see me ;)
“Alright, Anderson,” Sebastian mumbles while tucking his phone back into the pocket of his uniform pants on his way to lunch. He isn’t gonna reply to Blaine’s last message because it’s just so dumb. What lame excuse could he possibly have for not going to Scandals on Saturday? Apparently, Blaine is single again, so what the hell is he waiting for?
Sebastian is annoyed. It’s something he surely hadn’t missed. Yeah, Blaine can be annoying to a point where it’s almost unbearable to Sebastian; mostly whenever he drops the name of his stupid boyfriend - now ex - or when he’s so obviously playing hard to get. Maybe Blaine is doing the latter yet again. So annoying.
Things would be easy if Blaine was only annoying to Sebastian, just like about 99.9 percent of all other human beings walking the planet. But it’s more complicated than that. Way more complicated.
It’s a shame, actually. Sebastian had everything under control until Hunter came up with that insane plan. Sebastian had accidentally slushied Blaine out of his life, and it had been for the better. It took him a few months to get over it all and deal with his guilty conscience, but Sebastian was really doing well after a while - minding his own business, banging nameless guys in dirty bathroom stalls in the most infamous gay clubs in Central Ohio; chasing instant gratification like a drug addict, but without the ugly side effects. Getting off actually kept him sane.
But then that fucking golden boy danced back into his life, looking straight into his eyes (!) while shamelessly singing those tantalizing lines that pierced Sebastian’s soul like poisoned arrows:
Please remind me who I really am...
Everybody’s got a dark side - Do you love me? Can you love mine?
Nobody’s a picture perfect - But we’re worth it, you know that we’re worth it...
Will you love me? Even with my dark side?
The human brain is conditioned to constantly search for connections in order to make sense of the world. So it’s not really Sebastian’s fault that the lyrics of Kelly Clarkson’s Dark Side reminded him of everything that had happened during the past year.
Who the fuck picked that damn song anyway? Well, it had been Sebastian. But he hadn’t expected that hearing those words dripping from Blaine’s alluring mouth would make him feel like he’s being impaled alive.
Killer. That’s what Sebastian used to call him...for a reason. From the second Sebastian had laid eyes on him for the very first time - while singing Uptown Girl in the Dalton senior commons about a year ago - Blaine has had that bizarre effect on him. The months after they first met were a bit like a roller-coaster ride for Sebastian. Some days he felt on top of the world, some days he felt as if he was suffocating.
After the Slushie incident, Sebastian had constantly felt like he was suffocating, so he worked hard on banning Blaine from his mind and kind of succeeded. But then...
Nick was the one who told him the news that fateful morning. To be clear, Sebastian generally loves Nick, but sometimes he’s just too much.
With a disgustingly happy smile on his face, Nick snuck up on him from behind while he was brushing his teeth. That douche couldn’t even wait until breakfast.
“Have you heard?” Nick asked, wide-eyed and grinning like an idiot. His excitement was so over the top.
“What?” Sebastian asked in a defiant tone, without even bothering to remove his tooth brush from his mouth.
Nick’s eyes were so wide open that Sebastian was slightly worried they might fall out of his skull.
“Blaine is doing it! He’s coming back to Dalton!”
Sebastian’s first reaction was a snorting laugh that quickly turned into a cough because it had made him accidentally swallow a fair portion of toothpaste.
It was just impossible. Hunter’s plan had been so silly. There was absolutely no way it could have worked. Not in a million years. Except...fuck!
Sebastian suddenly felt like someone had pulled the rug out from under him. His mind was basically blank; unable to process anything he’d just heard. The only thing his body was able to do was follow the usual protocol. He spat out the toothpaste, rinsed his mouth out with water and dried his face with a towel. Inhaling deeply, he tried to focus on the peppermint taste that was still lingering on his tongue. Its faint sharpness helped him snap out of his momentary trance. “Who told you that crap?”
“Blaine did!” Somehow Nick managed to grin even more broadly than before. “I’m sure he’ll text you soon, too.”
When Nick finally left him alone again, Sebastian’s head was still hazy from the news. At that moment, there was just one thing in his life that was absolutely clear to him: He needed coffee...with more than one shot of Courvoisier. So he made sure to pocket his grandfather’s flask before heading to the dining hall.
Sebastian texted Blaine first, and he hated himself for it.
Flash forward to Saturday night.
As Sebastian stands in front of the mirror in his room in his parents’ house, he doesn’t just have mixed feelings. His feelings are as hopelessly tangled and potentially toxic as Medusa’s hair.
Blaine had only written that he might go to Scandals on Saturday. He’s never said that he’d definitely be there, but Sebastian’s brain had decided to believe just that. He’s gonna see Blaine for the first time since that goddamn impromptu performance of Dark Side that had somehow stirred him up so much.
Sebastian wants to look the part and spends almost twice as long as usual styling his hair after having spent three times as long picking his outfit. He’s opted for a tight, green polo shirt that shows off his pecs’n’abs and a pair of jeans that hug his butt just the right way.
When he’s all done, he smiles at himself in the mirror. It’s actually more of a smirk, seeking to be challenging just as much as alluring. Obviously, he’s not really practicing, just making sure it will have the desired effect. You look fucking sharp, Smythe, he tells himself and checks his phone for the thousandth time that day. Still no message from Blaine. But Sebastian is sure he’ll be there. Why wouldn’t he be?
Sebastian can’t quite pin down what he’s feeling because everything is just a messy blur, but there’s one feeling that’s a little stronger than the others. Of course the Germans have a word for it: Vorfreude. The kind of pleasure you feel when you’re looking forward to something. That blissful thrill of anticipation. He’s gonna see Blaine.
II. The Awakening
As Sebastian walks into the smoky, hot cave that is Scandals, his gaze immediately wanders back and forth across the crowded room in search of Blaine. Once again, there are mostly older folks and a few intimidated-looking, probably newly-out guys in their twenties. Less than a minute later, he’s caught sight of a familiar face - but not the one he’s looking for.
Fucking Dave Karofsky is hanging out at the bar again, waving at him to come over. Dave and him had gone through a rough patch earlier that year to say the least. Truth be told, Sebastian had downright bullied the guy. But then things happened, and Sebastian eventually felt the need to apologize. It’s an episode of his life he doesn’t really wanna be reminded of. At the time, he apologized for many things to a lot of people. It was cathartic in a way, but just as humiliating. He also stepped down as the captain of the Warblers back then, but that’s a story for another day.
Begrudgingly, Sebastian approaches Karofsky, still scanning the crowd on his way to the bar. He doesn’t really feel like talking to Dave, but he needs a beer, and he might as well kill some time chatting with someone while waiting for Blaine.
“Hey pal!” Dave greets him, slamming his huge paw on Sebastian’s shoulder. It hurts. “Good to see you, man!
“Good to see you, too,” Sebastian grits out, faking a smile. He’s really not here for Karofsky. He usually goes to Scandals to get mindlessly sucked off by some random pretty boy, and Karofsky is aeons away from qualifying. Even if he was physically attractive, Sebastian would keep his fingers off him because he has this rule: He doesn’t fuck friends. And weirdly, Dave has become one. Tonight Sebastian still wishes Karofsky wasn’t here. As soon as Blaine arrives, Sebastian will ignore Dave anyway, and he kinda doesn’t want to make him feel bad...again.
“Didn’t you say you weren’t coming back to Lima before Christmas?” Dave asked with his usual warm, companionable laugh.
Yeah, but he’d said that before he’d heard that Blaine would be back at Dalton after the winter break. And frankly, Sebastian doesn’t want to wait until January to see Blaine again. He wants to reconnect with him outside of school, somewhere casual where there’s alcohol to numb his nerves.
“Family emergency,” Sebastian mumbles and orders a beer from the bartender.
Dave lets out a surprised “Oh!” and his expression is suddenly worried.
“Not an actual emergency,” Sebastian adds quickly. “My aunt is visiting from Paris and she wanted to see me, too, after having come such a long way,” he lies. Actually, his aunt Bernadette loathes long-distance flights. She has never visited the Smythes in Ohio ever since their move, and she probably never will.
“I see,” Dave says with a chuckle. “Well, I’m glad you’re here. It’s a weird night. I usually know at least fifty percent of the guys here, but before you showed up, I felt like a stranger in a strange place.”
“So? Fresh meat all around you. Isn’t that a good thing?” Sebastian remarks, clinking his beer bottle against Dave’s and taking a sip. The warm beer doesn’t even register on his tongue and tastes like piss. Not that he would know what piss tastes like. Then he remembers this is Scandals in Lima, a shitty, rundown gay bar and not a top-notch club like The Monastery in Columbus. He should’ve just ordered bourbon or not come at all, but...
Sebastian doesn’t follow Dave’s monologue about his latest sexcapade with some doubtlessly hideous Daddy and scans the room again instead. So many faces, most of them way below his standards. Sometimes he wonders why he’s even so fixated on hooking up with good-looking guys. It’s not like he remembers their faces anyway once he’s zipped up his pants.
That circumstance makes it even more unsettling that Blaine’s face is stuck in his head as if a picture of it had been burned to his retinas. He hasn’t even fucked him yet - except about a million times in his imagination.
Sebastian’s mind has been playing this trick on him for more than a year now. Every time right before he climaxes - no matter if self-induced or with some other guy - he sees Blaine. He sees him spread out before him on white sheets, his perfect face glowing with pleasure, his perfect, lush lips slightly apart, his enticing amber eyes radiating desire...
...and dear God, that body. Sebastian has never really seen it unclothed, but he can picture it so well. Blaine may be short, but he has the most perfectly sculpted arms, shoulders, chest, and abs Sebastian has ever seen; not to mention his sturdy thighs and that incredible ass. He visualizes Blaine’s naked body like that of Michelangelo’s David...except for his cock of course. It must be much bigger and thicker, judging by the prominent bulge in Blaine’s wonderfully tight chinos that he seems to possess in all colors of the rainbow. In his fantasy, every time he’s close to his orgasm, Sebastian envisions Blaine’s cock as impressive as an obelisk and as hard as a diamond. Hard for him, just for him...
It’s this fantasy that pushes him over the edge every time, and it’s fucking paradise for a few seconds - until reality catches up with him and Blaine is gone.
It slowly dawns on Sebastian that it might also have been a fantasy that has lured him to Scandals tonight. Has his mind been playing tricks on him again?
He barely pays attention to Dave during their one-sided conversation, constantly looking for a beautiful short boy with dark hair and the most stunning amber eyes. Blaine has to show up eventually because Sebastian wants him to...needs him to. Fuck, he’s been looking forward to seeing Blaine at Scandals all week. He checks his phone for the gazillionth time that day. No message from the contact whose name he shortened to “B” about an hour ago because seeing all the letters in his damn name while considering whether or not to call him had become downright painful.
Sebastian is ridiculously desperate now, clinging to his last remaining splinter of hope like a drowning man to a cut-off lifeline.
III. The Truth
Around 1 AM he finally accepts it. Blaine won’t come.
Dave has long noticed that something’s off. “Was anyone supposed to meet you here tonight?” he asks with an insecure smile. He’s basically been smiling almost the entire night. How’s that even possible?
“What? No!” Sebastian snaps. His voice carries an aggressiveness that David definitely doesn’t deserve.
No. It’s the truth. Blaine never said he’d come.
As Sebastian realizes that he’s been pretty much fooling himself, he is so overwhelmed with negative feelings that he can’t even keep up his facade of bored superiority any longer. Inside him, disappointment, frustration, and anger are battling each other while humiliation has a good laugh at his expense.
Pathetic fool. He feels like he’s lost all his dignity. This is exactly why he’s never wanted any of this. He’s always known that being obsessed with one single person leads to nothing but doom. One second that person makes you feel like life’s fucking perfect, and the next you feel like you wanna die.
Sebastian can’t help but wonder if Anderson knows...if he really knows what kind of creepy Voodoo power he has over him. If he does, he’s the cruelest, most disgusting bastard on the planet.
Sebastian isn’t nearly drunk enough for this. He orders not one, but four shots of whisky - only one of them is for Dave - and chugs them down instantly. The booze burns his throat and he wishes it would just end him. Tragically, he survives, but at least the agony is (temporarily) gone a few minutes later.
There’s no way Blaine knows. And it’s good that he doesn’t because it’s gonna be over soon anyway. Sebastian just needs a little more time to extinguish that fucking spark again that Blaine has reignited by singing those stupid lines at him.
Please remind me who I really am... You know that we’re worth it... Will you love me?
As if Blaine had forgiven Sebastian. As if there was actually a chance to start over. A chance for them. As if Sebastian meant anything to him.
But the truth is, Blaine doesn’t give a shit about him, or else he would’ve shown up at Scandals this very Saturday night.
Fuck you, Killer. I hope next time you sing that song, you’ll fucking choke on it.
On Monday morning, the shadow of one of Sebastian’s most murderous hangovers still clings to his heels. In the dining hall, he drops himself on the empty chair next to Hunter and stares at the sad slice of dry toast on his plate. He hasn’t touched a drop of alcohol since Saturday night, but he still feels like he might have to puke at the mere sight of food.
“Yo, Bas, you look like shit,” Hunter says with an amicable clap on his shoulder. “Heard you went to Lima over the weekend. Did you meet up with Blaine?”
All of a sudden, Sebastian thinks he’s really gonna barf. Being reminded of that guy and the utter disaster that his trip to Lima had turned into was the last thing he needed in his condition.
“Fuck, no! Why would I meet up with him?” Sebastian hisses, raising his cup of coffee to his mouth although he knows the steaming brew is still too hot to drink. He inhales the aromatic steam, hoping it will help him stay calm and keep him from making a scene in the Dalton dining hall so early in the morning. Sometimes he has trouble controlling his temper.
Hunter shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know. I assumed he might wanna rekindle an old friendship before actually moving back here.”
Rekindle an old friendship. Sebastian wants to shove each and every one of those words back down Hunter’s throat. It’s not like he has anything against Hunter. He actually likes him.
Does it bother Sebastian that Hunter is the new captain of the Warblers? It sure does, but it was Sebastian’s decision to step down after the Slushie incident. It was the least he could do back then. If he’d had any more dignity, he would’ve left the Warblers altogether.
If there’s ever been a guy with a name that really reflects his personality like a mirror, it must be Hunter because that guy is driven like a bloodhound. When he joined the show choir, the Warblers immediately convinced him of their potential, but Hunter was the only one with enough guts to say out loud what everyone else had been thinking for a while: Something was missing...or rather, someone. After watching some old competition videos, he instantly knew what it was. A Warbler called Blaine.
Upon finding out that Blaine and Sebastian had been friends, he deviously elicited as much information about the “deserter” from Sebastian as possible. Honestly, it was pretty straining because there was a reason why Sebastian had buried all his memories of that guy. But he reluctantly told Hunter why Blaine had left Dalton...and just a day later Hunter found out that Blaine’s reason for transferring to McKinley had graduated and was living a few hundred miles away.
Even better, four weeks later, Hunter came storming into Sebastian’s room at 5:21 AM to tell him that Blaine’s reason for leaving Dalton was no more than his ex now. The look on Sebastian’s face must’ve been priceless, not just because Hunter had woken him up from a deep slumber.
Where Hunter had gotten the information from remained a mystery, just like the origin of his plan to steal the New Directions’ Nationals trophy to lure Blaine back to Dalton. That plan was pretty much bonkers, but to his credit, it worked...
...which makes Hunter - renowned resident maniac and genius - responsible for Sebastian’s current confused state of mind. But this morning, Sebastian doesn’t have the energy to demolish him for any of that.
Sebastian releases a shivering groan. “I think he’s no longer interested in a friendship with me, so why don’t you ask Nick or David? I bet they never stopped hanging out with him.”
He feels Hunter’s piercing gray eyes inspecting him like X-rays. “Singing the blues this morning, eh?”
Sebastian’s defiant “Shut up” is thankfully drowned out by David who’s sitting right across the table from them. “That’s actually correct. I’ve been meeting up with Blaine quite regularly in the past months. If you need his number, I can give it to you.”
“Oh, I have his number,” Hunter remarks as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “Have you already told him about the provisional setlist for Regionals?”
“Not yet. Should I have done that?” David asks in surprised confusion.
Hunter shakes his head and waves his hand dismissively. “No, I’m just not sure about the solos yet. If we should give him an entire song.”
“Why the fuck would you not give him an entire song after making him change schools again?” Sebastian snaps, yet again a little too aggressively.
“Easy, Smythe,” Hunter says with a condescending chuckle. “Judging by your mood, you definitely didn’t get laid on the weekend. Scandals ain’t what it used to be, huh?”
Sebastian throws him his most lethal death stare. “What the hell do you know about Scandals, straightest man alive? Don’t tell me you’ve ever set foot in there...”
“I haven’t, but I’ve heard stories. I have my sources,” Hunter explains, holding his glass of orange juice with pointed fingers as if it was a glass of Champagne - as ever so classy. “And they told me you went there on Saturday.”
Sebastian glares at Hunter murderously. “What? If you know everything about my weekend, why did you even ask me about B...Blaine?”
He still hasn’t changed the name back in his phone; he’s even proceeded to not even allow that full name to enter his thoughts anymore. That boy has been reduced to no more than a letter to him now. A letter that suddenly carries more weight and meaning than the entire rest of the alphabet all together. B.
“Just testing your reaction,” Hunter says with a happy ring to his voice before emptying his glass and getting up, thus escaping the punch that Sebastian is about to give him. “Sorry, man. Just playing with you. But I’ll make up for it. Keep your eyes open today and you’ll see,” he adds before he vanishes with a telling smile - except that it tells Sebastian absolutely nothing.
Fucking cryptic nonsense, as always. Admittedly, Hunter has made life at Dalton a little more interesting (an understatement, considering Blaine is coming back all thanks to him). But Sebastian just isn’t in the mood for any of this today. When he leaves the dining hall, his stomach is still as empty as his tortured soul.
The whole day long, he wallows in his self-pity, and every time he sees the letter B on a chalkboard or in his textbooks, he wants to scream. There are way too many words that include that damn letter.
After class and before the Warblers’ rehearsal, Sebastian retreats to his room and stretches out on his bed, killing some time with his phone. He’s scrolling through mindless social media posts when he receives a message.
[04:42 PM] I’m here. Can you tell Nick? I think his phone is off :)
As if stung by an adder, Sebastian jumps off his bed so hastily that he trips over his own feet. He grabs his blazer from the desk chair, but almost forgets to slip his shoes back on before rushing out of his room, down the hallway and towards the spiral staircase. On the way, he hastily throws the blazer back on, not even bothering with the buttons. When he reaches the stairs, he jumps down the steps as fast as he can, taking two at a time, but stops short when he’s almost reached the first floor and sees him waiting at the bottom of the stairs, gaze lowered to the phone in his hand.
What happens next is the confirmation of the one thing Sebastian is afraid of most. At the sight of him, he - an empty shell - is suddenly flushed with warm light, charging each and every cell in his body with a tingling, electrifying energy that makes his pulse accelerate and his heart pound in his chest.
Fuck. He’s not prepared for this. Blurry thoughts are whirling through his mind like a cyclone, but one thing is suddenly crystal-clear now. He has relapsed...hard.
As Sebastian stands there, overwhelmed and paralyzed by the sudden anarchy of emotions within him, he’s desperately searching for words. He knows he needs to say something, but in the end, he only manages to utter two letters.
“Oh...B.”
Only then does Blaine look up from his phone, and their eyes meet.
Chapter Text
Blaine’s eyes...they’re special.
Sebastian isn’t the kind of guy who falls for beautiful eyes. There are several body parts he can think of that are way more exciting. The hype about eyes has always been a bit of a mystery to him. They’re basically just a pair of overly fragile organs, made up of connective tissue, nerves, blood vessels, and some other rather gross parts.
That they grant individuals the ability to see is admittedly kind of amazing, but even that doesn’t always work so well, considering how many people need glasses. When it comes to nonverbal communication, they’re kind of overrated too. Other facial muscles seem to do most of the work, while eyes can even hide behind their lids. Sure, their colors may look nice compared to the bleak remainder of the human body, but Sebastian had never quite understood what’s so appealing about eyes...until he met Blaine.
Blaine’s eyes are huge. They’re owlish, almost oversized. Sebastian has tried to pin down if it’s merely their size that makes them so different from other people’s eyes. But their color is special, too. He’s often tried to define it, even flipping through the heavy catalogues with color samples that the interior designer had left behind after redecorating the Smythes’ living room, but that didn’t really help either.
The official definition of Blaine’s eye color is probably hazel, but that sounds way too simple to do his eyes justice. The color reminds Sebastian of fresh honey, maple syrup, or liquid caramel. He likes to think they’re the color of amber - a gemstone born from trees and formed by time. But sometimes, especially whenever Blaine smiles, his eyes even shimmer like the king of all elements - gold.
Blaine’s eyes are not only beautiful; they’re absolutely arresting. The first time their eyes locked in the Warblers’ common room, Sebastian thought his brain had momentarily dissolved into mush. Something happened in that moment, and it’s hard to describe because Sebastian doesn’t buy into the hype about the connecting power of eyes, either. He’s aware that gazing into someone’s eyes can create the illusion that you’re looking straight into them - directly at their soul - or whatever, but that’s all a bunch of bullshit. Looking into someone’s eyes will never tell you what they really think.
About a year ago, Sebastian almost fell for that fairy tale, thinking Blaine’s eyes might help him understand the thoughts roaming behind them. But what Sebastian ultimately saw in them (Curiosity? Affection? Desire?) was only what he’d wanted to see. He’s pretty sure of that now; none of it was real. Looking into Blaine’s eyes had still always felt special, even knowing that it wasn’t.
Considering Blaine’s eyes are so special to Sebastian, it was a particularly cruel and very sick joke that fate played on him when he accidentally almost destroyed those very eyes...almost blinding Blaine by throwing a Slushie containing rock salt at him. That’s when it all went wrong.
Sebastian is aware he’s staring. It’s just that those silly eyes are still so fucking arresting, even after he’d almost destroyed them.
“Hi! Uh...good to see you. Have you told Nick I’m here? I thought since your room is right next to his...”
Oh, right. That’s why Blaine texted Sebastian. Just because his room happens to be located right next to Nick’s. What the hell had made him think that Blaine might have wanted to see him, too?
It sucks how deeply even tiny disappointments like this one actually hurt when you’re obsessed with a person. Sebastian is getting angry with himself again.
“Not yet. Why didn’t you just come up to the dorms?” he asks, hoping his voice doesn’t give away his sudden chagrin.
“Nick told me to wait for him here. He wants to show me the new soccer pitch. I think he wants me to try a new sport in the second half of my senior year,” Blaine says with an amused smile. The smile is so disturbingly charming that it causes Sebastian to feel some sort of protective aggression welling up inside him.
“Soccer? So down to earth all of a sudden. McKinley really must’ve rubbed off on you. What about your tennis career and the polo pony?” Sebastian counters with a sharpness that Blaine had been spared from so far.
Blaine’s eyes briefly narrow, but his smile remains intact. “You know I quit both a while ago.” He appears to be slightly irritated, but it seems like he hasn’t taken offense.
Better change the topic.
“What brings you here? The Warblers’ meeting?” Sebastian asks, casually walking down a few more steps towards Blaine. The closer he gets, the higher his body temperature seems to rise.
“Yeah, Hunter said I should come so we can figure out which solo I could sing. I’m no longer attending McKinley’s Glee Club meetings, so I have the afternoon off.”
“Oh? So they’ve already serenaded you with a crappy version of some cheesy farewell song? Good thing your ears survived the ordeal.”
Blaine’s smile finally fades. It’s almost a relief for Sebastian because that smile has made him feel woozy.
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t talk like that about my friends at McKinley. Even though I’ve decided to leave that school, they still mean a lot to me, Sebastian.”
Before Sebastian’s mouth can release any more bullshit, Nick comes storming down the stairs behind him.
“Heeeeyyy, Blaine!” he yells and greets Blaine with a hug. Ugh. “Sorry for making you wait. You won’t believe it, but I dropped my phone in the toilet this morning. Don’t ask...I just hope I can turn it back on once it has completely dried out.”
Nick chatters on, dragging Blaine across the entrance hall. At least Blaine gives Sebastian the dignity of a last doubtful look and a brief wave of his hand.
Fuck. This wasn’t supposed to go like that.
During the Warblers’ meeting, Sebastian tries to ignore Blaine as best he can, but he still ends up staring at him almost the entire time. He just can’t help it. Blaine occasionally looks at him, too, but who knows why. Probably because he hates his guts now and already regrets that he’s transferring back to Dalton.
Hunter surprisingly cuts one of the songs from the setlist and suggests that Blaine could sing What I’ve Done by Linkin Park. It’s an unexpected choice that leaves everyone a bit puzzled for a moment, especially Blaine when he looks at the lyrics sheet. But Sebastian doesn’t even try to make sense of any of it. He’s too distracted by Blaine’s amazing voice, his illegally tight pants, his mesmerizing eyes... - his fucking...everything. When was the last time Sebastian had felt so sorry for himself? Sucker.
After the meeting, Blaine is busy talking to Thad, and Sebastian is about to sneak out of the common room as Hunter suddenly grabs him by the shoulder.
“We’re going downtown for dinner. With Blaine. Wanna come?” His smile has a provocative air that makes Sebastian feel slightly aggressive again. Why is he so on edge today?
“Umm...sure, why not?” Sebastian replies, shrugging his shoulders as if he doesn’t really care.
It’s just a ten-minute walk to Mitch’s Diner, a popular place amongst Dalton students whenever they feel like eating something unhealthy. Considering the standards of American schools and the cravings of teenage boys, the food at Dalton’s dining hall is basically overly healthy. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the Principal has a PhD in Nutritional Science.
Eventually, Hunter, Blaine, David, Beatbox, and Thad sit in one of the big booths at the back of the diner, chatting about nonsense. Sebastian sits next to them, wallowing in his gloomy mood, barely even listening. Of course Blaine has to sit right across from him, so he has barely anywhere else to look. Such a pain in the ass. Sebastian regrets accepting Hunter’s invitation. He’d wanted to talk to Blaine alone, not participate in a fucking kaffeeklatsch.
“Why didn’t Nick come with us? And Jeff and Trent?” Blaine asks when the waitress serves their drinks. “I didn’t even say goodbye to them.”
“Minors get into trouble when they don’t eat dinner at the dining hall,” David explains. “Principal Lee is pretty strict about that. I don’t think you’ve met her yet.”
“Damn, I guess that means I won’t get to do anything fun with you guys until February either,” Blaine says with a chuckle. “Wait, Sebastian, when did you turn eighteen?”
Oh, fuck you, Blaine.
“Four weeks ago,” Sebastian says drily, as if it doesn’t matter. But it does matter. He’d wistfully waited for a birthday message from Blaine that never came.
“Sorry I missed that. Did you get the new car you wanted?” Blaine asks with the most innocent, amiable smile, as if he hadn’t fucked up at all.
“Yeah, I did.” No further comment. That stupid message would’ve meant more to Sebastian than the fucking car.
Probably sensing the sudden chill hovering over the table, Thad quickly changes the subject. “Blaine, how did it feel to watch from the sidelines at Sectionals? It must’ve been weird not to perform.”
“Oh god, don’t remind me of that disaster,” Blaine says, rolling his huge, finally healed, special eyes. “Some of the others were really mad at me when I told them I wouldn’t perform with them. I dropped out on very short notice, which wasn’t a cool move. But I had already decided that I was gonna rejoin the Warblers, so it would’ve felt wrong to compete with the New Directions. And I’m actually glad I didn’t have to be on stage performing Gangnam Style. That was...a weird choice. And let’s not even talk about the end of it all. I feel so bad for them.”
“Good thing you’re with the winners now,” Hunter commented with a slightly condescending smirk. “There’s no way we can lose now.”
Beatbox, who’s sitting next to Hunter, nervously clears his throat, whispering something in Hunter’s general direction that sounds a lot like, “Did you get rid of the juice? The guy contacted me again last week.”
“Of course I did,” Hunter snaps back. “I told him that it would only be plan B anyway, and that we won’t need it if plan A works out. Didn’t even try the sample.”
“Sample of what?” Blaine asks like the innocent little angel he is.
Sebastian’s heart breaks a bit at the thought of Blaine being dragged into this; another insane plan of Hunter’s that’s fortunately off the table now. He doesn’t want Blaine to know anything about it. He also feels like attacking Blaine again because the innocence, purity, and moral superiority that radiates from those perfect puppy eyes is just too much to bear.
“That’s something we can’t discuss with a minor,” Sebastian mocks, earning another irritated look from Blaine.
Get used to that treatment. It’s what you get for not giving a fuck about me.
“It’s water under the bridge,” Hunter says with a reassuring smile, kicking Sebastian under the table.
Ouch. Sebastian decides to keep his mouth shut from now on. He leans back and listens.
“Uhh, okay. Anyways, I really liked your performance of Whistle,” Blaine continues, clearly trying to cover up his insecurity. He keeps throwing Sebastian those weird, questioning looks. “It’s cool that you want Sebastian and me to sing solos at Regionals, too. I don’t think every captain would be willing to share the spotlight with others.”
“It’s a tactic, not humbleness,” Hunter remarks with a challenging smile. “It takes all of our voices to win. I hope you’re fine with that. I heard you sang all the solos back in your sophomore year.”
Here we go. Clarington’s trying to mark his territory...
“Uhh, well...the council asked me to sing the solos and the Warblers got to vote on it too,” Blaine explains, dropping his gaze to the table. “I never insisted on getting them.”
Holy shit, Anderson. Why so defensive? Are you really intimidated by this idiot? Were my remarks so unsettling? Where are your balls?
“Things have changed a bit since then, and I hope you’re fine with that,” Hunter says in a voice that sounds an entire octave deeper than usual. He also sits up straighter, appearing an entire foot taller than before.
Fuck, yeah! Please let this escalate into a battle of the alpha birds...a cockfight! Good thing I got a front row ticket.
“Yes, I was aware of that when I made my decision to rejoin the Warblers,” Blaine confirms in a more determined tone, as if he’d just remembered that he has balls. His perfect smile is adorning his face again, causing Sebastian’s heart to skip a beat...or five. “I still hope some things haven’t changed. For example, that we Warblers are like brothers.”
Don’t make me puke, Anderson. Why did you have to go there? Just fuck. You.
Since the cockfight doesn’t transpire, Sebastian zones out for the remainder of the conversation, listlessly eating the pasta that he wishes he hadn’t ordered. It’s another disaster of a day: He’s realized that he has relapsed; his overall frustration about that doesn’t allow him to have a normal conversation with Blaine; and Blaine isn’t interested in talking with him anyway.
He’s glad when the other Warblers have finished their meals and they finally head back to Dalton. On the way, Sebastian contemplates whether he should say goodbye to Blaine or if a simple nod and a wave of his hand will be enough. He doesn’t trust his mouth, so he decides to do the latter.
Back in front of the school building, the other Warblers exchange hugs and amicable fist bumps with Blaine. When it’s Sebastian’s turn to say goodbye, he unfortunately can’t follow through with his plan of honoring Blaine’s visit with no more than a few half-hearted nonverbal gestures. Despite the stupid things he said earlier, Blaine is smiling at him, faintly cocking his head - an invitation to follow him.
As Sebastian walks behind Blaine towards the parking lot, his pulse accelerates from zero to sixty within a few seconds. He had expected anything but this. When they reach Blaine’s car, the familiar black Honda Accord, Blaine turns around to Sebastian, leaning his back against the driver’s door, a timid smile on his face. He seems to contemplate briefly before he lifts his gaze up from the asphalt to lock eyes with Sebastian. The few lights in the parking lot make the color of Blaine’s eyes look darker than usual, almost as dark as coffee.
“I don’t know if this is a good idea because you seemed a bit hostile earlier, but I thought maybe it would be good if we talked before I move back here. We didn’t have time to chat last time I was at Dalton...or at Sectionals,” Blaine says in a low voice. It sounds soft, velvety, and it feels like it’s suffusing Sebastian’s body, touching him deep inside.
It’s December in Ohio. It should be cold given the time of year, but it’s not - at least not for Sebastian. He wishes his heart would stop beating so fast. It’s utterly ridiculous. He can’t keep himself from thinking this would be a great opportunity to pin Blaine against his car and kiss him the way he deserves to be kissed. But it ain’t gonna happen in this lifetime. Sebastian accepted that long ago, and it’s the most frustrating thing ever. So there’s no point in holding back his sharp tongue.
“You could’ve come to Scandals on Saturday.”
Sebastian is pretty sure that the reproachful undertone hasn’t escaped Blaine because his smile changes slightly, his lips pressing together a little harder, making his guilty conscience palpable.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t make it. I was at the movies with Sam and Tina. They’re really down about me leaving, so I thought I kinda owed it to them.”
Sebastian can’t keep himself from rolling his eyes, immediately hoping that Blaine hasn’t seen it. Good thing the lamps in the parking lot aren’t the brightest.
“Okay,” Sebastian says. He doesn’t have anything else to add. Saturday night could have been perfect, but it wasn’t. Thanks for nothing.
“So, I...I really hope that things won’t be weird between us. Especially because of the Warblers,” Blaine stammers.
Huh?
“Weird? What do you mean by weird?” Sebastian’s mouth is suddenly dry and his tongue is sticking to his palate.
“You know what I mean...”
Oh sure. That.
Sebastian wishes this was about something else, but it’s not. He’s not that delusional. This is about the fucking Slushie again.
“My apology was sincere, but I can’t force you to believe me, let alone forgive me,” Sebastian says, frustration causing his words to sound colder than intended. “And it’s funny you’re calling my behavior hostile considering the way you talked to me last time you came here, immediately accusing me of stealing your stupid trophy.”
“Maybe you didn’t steal it, but you didn’t prevent Hunter from doing it either.” Blaine’s voice sounds harsh and defensive for a moment, but it immediately turns softer again when he seems to remember why he’d wanted to talk with Sebastian. “Look...I wanna believe you. I mean, I’ve always believed that you were sorry for hurting me, but I was mad at you for wanting to hurt Kurt. That was really fucked up.”
“No shit!” Sebastian says with a sarcastic, snorting scoff. Why the fuck do you even have to point that out? “I told you I hit rock bottom back then. But I’ve changed.”
Blaine nervously runs his fingers through his dark, gelled hair. Sebastian is sure his fingertips are fragrant with the faint scent of raspberries now.
“I know. I’m just saying this because...you never told me why you wanted to hurt Kurt, and maybe it doesn’t matter anymore, but...”
Blaine’s stammering is driving Sebastian mad with confusion. What is he trying to get at? Does he want Sebastian to admit that... No, never. He’ll never tell Blaine why he’d wanted to hurt Hummel.
“I really wanna forgive you. I think I have, and I wanna be friends again, especially because...” Blaine has a hard time holding Sebastian’s gaze when he adds, “I think I know what you must’ve felt like after what you did.”
I doubt that, Sebastian thinks, but he says nothing.
“I haven’t told anyone here,” Blaine says, his voice shaking slightly. “And I don’t know if I should...uhh...I don’t know...”
He drops his gaze to the ground, hiding his face in the shade. When Blaine looks up again, Sebastian can see a surprising amount of pain mapping his face when he continues.
“You didn’t mean to hurt me, but you did. And I didn’t want to hurt Kurt, but I did. I know you can’t really compare that, but somehow I feel like we have something in common now. We both fucked up pretty badly. And I guess we both had our reasons, but that doesn’t make them right, and we have to live with what we did. I’m glad to hear that you found a way to do so, and I hope I’ll get there too, eventually. Maybe you can show me...how.”
Suddenly, there’s nothing but flashing question marks in Sebastian’s head. “What the hell are you talking about? You hurt him? By breaking up with him? He had that coming for a long time.”
“I didn’t break up with him.” Blaine’s eyes look glassy now. “Look, Sebastian...I really wanna be friends again. I wanna forget what happened...and I guess if we’re gonna be friends again, I should tell you what I did.” Blaine stares into the dark distance for a heavy moment before he gathers the courage to continue, locking eyes with Sebastian again. His eyes are beautiful, even in the semi-darkness. “He broke up with me because I...I cheated on him.”
Rock salt. Sebastian suddenly feels it on his tongue, between his teeth...in his eyes. He’s never been slushied, but this is what it must feel like. Blaine’s words are like half-melted, razor-sharp ice shards, spiked with caustic rock salt, hitting his face. I cheated on him. Four simple words that seem to burn holes into Sebastian’s skin.
His first reaction is a dismissive chuckle. It’s a reflex he can’t really control when he hears something that absurd, but Blaine looks devastated, as if it’s true. Although Sebastian hasn’t yet really processed his words, he can’t hold back the questions rampaging through his head.
“He broke up with you? You...what? Wha-...what do you mean you cheated on him? Did you kiss another guy or did you...?”
“It doesn’t matter!” Blaine hisses with the sudden anger and desperation of a wounded animal. “I cheated on him and he broke up with me! That’s all that matters, and I’ll have to live with it for the rest of my life!”
It’s ironic, but as the meaning of Blaine’s words slowly sinks in, one of Sebastian’s first thoughts is that he’s feeling sorry for Hummel. Then his thoughts go haywire.
Is this the same Blaine who turned Sebastian down time and time again? Blaine, who told Sebastian he didn’t want to mess up his thing with Hummel because he really cared about him? The bashful schoolboy, who was so in love with his boyfriend only a year ago, is suddenly telling him he cheated on the fucking love of his life?!
And why - yeah, why? - does it feel like you cheated on ME?
Once again, Sebastian can’t utter more than one word...that sounds like one letter. “Why?”
Blaine looks like he’s close to breaking down in tears, but somehow he still manages to hold them back. “Why what? Why did I cheat on him? Because I was lonely. He was in...”
“With whom?” Sebastian cuts in. He has to know. Who did Blaine finally cheat with after having turned him down countless times?
“God, Sebastian, I really don’t wanna talk about it, okay? Can we just... Ugh, I need to go back to Lima now, I have school tomorrow,” Blaine says harshly, opening the driver’s door. But then he looks up at Sebastian again, his tense expression slowly melting into another apologetic smile. Much more softly, he adds, “Listen...I’m sorry, Bas. It’s been two months, but it still hurts. What I did to Kurt was horrible; it was my absolute low point. I didn’t wanna hurt him, just like you didn’t want to hurt me. I guess that’s why I figured you might understand me somehow. But what you did and what I did is entirely unrelated, so...I don’t know what I was thinking. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you. But at least now you know that I’m a real asshole.” He releases a bitter chuckle and adds, “Funny that you guys picked Dark Side when I came here last time. The lyrics somehow felt like they were written for me...or maybe even the both of us.”
SPLASH! That was verbal Slushie number two, thrown right at Sebastian’s face. At that point, Sebastian has no doubt about Blaine’s vile intentions. He clearly wants to crush Sebastian. He wants to crush him and tear his heart into a million pieces like a rabid dog.
“Maybe we can meet up again another time before I move back here in January? Are you gonna be in Lima over the holidays?” Blaine asks, smiling sadly. It’s weird how Sebastian wants to punch that fucking sad, beautiful smile off his face, and still kiss him senseless at the same time. He can’t pull himself together much longer.
“Yeah, let’s do that. Have a safe ride home. Good night,” Sebastian says downright politely, even though he wants to yell the most impolite insults at Blaine. He just needs to leave.
When Blaine hugs him goodbye (just like back in the day, but why does he have to do it now? Damn, he’d missed the scent of raspberries so fucking much), Sebastian wants to wrestle him to the ground and end him...but also fuck him until they both see paradise.
I want you. I need you. I despise you. So much.
When Blaine’s car has disappeared into the night and Sebastian walks back into the school building towards the dorms, he feels like nothing around him is real anymore, and that inside him - especially that - isn’t real either.
Blaine Devon Anderson. That boy has always been a bit of an enigma, and that’s definitely part of his appeal. Sebastian has gotten to know several sides of him, and so far, he’d felt drawn to all of them.
There’s happy Blaine, the beaming epitome of handsomeness and success. A peach, dripping with lust for life, who makes you laugh, who flatters you, and who can twist you around his little finger. That’s the version most people know, the one they fall for.
But there’s a vulnerable side to him that he usually tries to hide, even from people who know him. Hurt, depressed Blaine - Sebastian has met him. He’s always assumed that the pain is rooted in quite a number of things: years of being bullied at school, having ended up in a hospital after homophobes beat the shit out of him, having an asshole of a father and a boyfriend who was just wrong for him... - to name but a few.
Then there’s sassy Blaine, the one who’s absolutely aware of his sex appeal and seems to love the fact that he can drive a guy crazy. So far, this version has been Sebastian’s favorite version - and ultimately, his demise. He’d assumed that this was Blaine’s “dark side,” a delicious melange of innocence and sin.
But tonight Sebastian has learned that Blaine has another dark side - a malicious one he hadn’t been familiar with and that has shocked him more than he wants to admit to himself. It’s not that he’d cheated on Kurt. Sebastian had wanted nothing more than Blaine to cheat on Kurt...but with him!
When Blaine had been so set on being loyal to Kurt, it had destroyed Sebastian, but it had almost been...touching in a way. That Blaine seemed to believe in something as foolish as love... Obviously, it was dumb but kind of cute, even though Sebastian had hated how incompatible it made them.
Until this day, Blaine had been put on a pedestal in Sebastian’s mind, ideal and perfect - inside and out - just utterly unreachable. But Blaine just shattered that pedestal when he confessed to what he’d done. He isn’t the innocent, pure, morally superior angel Sebastian had thought he was.
But isn’t that good news? Aren’t we finally on the same level?
Yet Sebastian feels awful about the revelation. All that garbage about wanting to be loyal to Hummel - bullshit, all lies. Sebastian feels utterly betrayed. Apparently, Blaine had no problem cheating on Hummel with someone else. Just not with Sebastian.
Why? Why the fuck? You always looked at me that way...like you secretly wanted me, too.
When you’re obsessed with someone, you automatically assume everything they do is about you.
That’s why Sebastian had assumed Blaine decided to come back to Dalton because he’s finally forgiven him. But the truth is that Blaine is just running away from some mess he’d made.
So Blaine coming back to Dalton isn’t about Sebastian, but this one must be: Blaine most definitely cheated on Hummel with someone other than Sebastian to take revenge on him. It’s so obviously payback for the Slushie. There’s just no other explanation. Blaine wanted to hurt Sebastian like Sebastian had hurt him. And he did. Mission accomplished.
Lying in bed that night, Sebastian’s thoughts revolve solely around the how. How Blaine cheated on Hummel - and on him. It had to be more than a kiss, or else Blaine would’ve said that. So how did he cheat? What did he do? Was it a blowjob, frottage, anal sex? And if it was the latter, was Blaine on top? Bottom?
Sebastian needs to know. He visualizes it all. Not that he hasn’t pictured Blaine performing all those sexual acts before, but he’d never pictured him with another guy...only with himself. And imagining him doing it with some other guy fucking hurts.
Why the fuck didn’t you call me up? Why not me? Why? Why did you have to do this to me? I apologized to you and I meant it.
Suddenly, he recognizes the feeling that’s currently taking his breath away. He’s sure, he’s feeling it again. Its cold, creeping fingers are slowly closing around his throat, just like they did a year ago, for weeks and weeks, until it almost drove him crazy.
It’s the reason for the Slushie. It’s what made him lose all moral restraint back then. It’s what always makes him lose control.
And now that he knows that Blaine cheated on Hummel with someone other than him, it’s back, raging louder than ever.
Eyes - Sebastian is suddenly thinking about them yet again. Only two percent of all human beings have green eyes. He’s one of them and it can’t be a coincidence. He’s destined to be its victim.
It is back, digging its claws into his flesh...
The green-eyed monster. Jealousy.
Chapter 3: Too Good
Chapter Text
Why? And with whom? These simple, excruciating questions are stuck in Sebastian’s head. He can barely think of anything else. There are moments when he acknowledges to himself that Blaine didn’t really cheat on him, at least not according to the definition of the word. But it still feels like it, and that feeling torments him for days after Blaine’s confession.
Blaine is probably the only one who can answer those questions, but would he be willing to do that? Unlikely. So Sebastian has to follow the traces and clues he’s got and try to figure them out on his own.
It’s just one more week until the winter break, and Sebastian has to clarify a couple of things, just in case Blaine really wants to meet him in Lima. He needs to get a few things straight in his head.
With whom did Blaine cheat? This question is of utter importance. Sebastian needs to know who’s the lucky guy Blaine chose for his little adventure. There aren’t that many gay guys their age in Lima, at least not out and proud ones. So who could it be? Sebastian even considers Karofsky for a hot minute, but picturing Dave with Blaine is so absurd and utterly disgusting that he quickly discards the idea.
Earlier that afternoon, Sebastian had realized that he may have a major lead on that question, and it’s currently taking him to a room only a few doors down the hall from his own now. He knocks five times in quick succession and bursts into the room without waiting for an answer.
Hunter doesn’t even look up. He sits at his desk, staring at a chess board in front of him. His supercilious cat is lying in the middle of his bed, curled up into a white fluff ball.
“Seriously? You play chess against yourself?” Sebastian comments with a baffled look.
Hunter keeps his eyes peeled on the pawns in front of him. “I’m not playing. This is serious business. I’m working on my strategy. I have an important tournament coming up.”
Sebastian isn’t really interested in Hunter’s chess career. “I need to talk to you.”
“Oh yeah? Then talk.” Hunter’s eyes are fixed on the black queen now.
“Why did you change the setlist for Regionals? Why did you pick What I’ve Done for Blaine?”
“I like Linkin Park.” Hunter moves a white knight, knocking a black pawn off the board. “And I think it can’t hurt if the Warblers expand their horizon.”
Sebastian doesn’t have the patience for Hunter’s games today. “Cut the crap! A song about regrets and forgiving yourself? You picked it on purpose!”
Hunter scribbles something on a piece of paper. “Why would I do such a thing?”
“Because you’re an asshole and you know why Blaine and his ex broke up.”
Finally, Hunter lifts his gaze from the chess board and turns to Sebastian, giving him a condescending smirk. “Look at you, Smythe. Not bad. I should keep an eye on you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me the reason why they broke up?”
Hunter’s smirk fades into an expression of feigned innocence. “It’s not up to me to tell you something so personal. I had a hunch it might upset you, so I thought it would be better if Blaine told you himself.”
“What? That’s bullshit!” Sebastian snaps. “You...ugh. So with whom did he cheat?”
Hunter burst into a deep laugh. “Why would I know that?”
“Because you’re a creep and I think you know.”
“I don’t appreciate your tone. If you want something from me, come back when you’re in a better mood,” Hunter says coldly and turns back to his chess pieces.
Sebastian takes a deep breath and tries to pull himself together. “Damn, I’m sorry, okay? I just wanna know. Can you tell me? Please?”
“And what do I get if I disclose this information? It’s classified. It’s possible that Blaine has never told anyone.”
“I don’t know...whatever you want, I don’t care!” Only then do Hunter’s words really register. “Wait - how do you know if Blaine may have never told anyone?”
Hunter turns in his chair to face Sebastian again. There’s something like pride in his grin. “His password skills are very poor, and his Facebook messages are very revealing.”
“What the fuck, Hunter?!” Sebastian yells in bewilderment. “You hacked into his Facebook account? Are you for real?”
Disappointment wipes Hunter’s grin off his face. “You’re welcome to leave my room anytime.”
“You’re such a piece of shit, do you know that?” Sebastian roars. He can’t believe Hunter is actually proud of his dubious achievement.
“Okay, goodbye. Please close the door behind you,” Hunter says in a miffed but calm way and directs his attention back to his chess board.
Sebastian wants to punch Hunter in the face, but he urgently needs the answer to his question. He clenches his teeth together and inhales sharply before he grits out, “What’s the guy’s name?”
Hunter turns back to Sebastian and looks at him for a long, torturous moment, obviously testing his patience. Sebastian is close to exploding, but he manages not to snap at Hunter again. Finally, Hunter takes pity on him.
“Do you really wanna know? It’s quite the secret you’ll have to keep from Blaine. Because if you don’t, we’ll have a problem.”
Hunter’s right. Keeping secrets from someone important is never a good thing. Yet Sebastian confirms, “I need to know.”
Hunter raises his eyebrows and sighs. “Alright. His name is Eli C. I haven’t found out what the C stands for. I only know for a fact that it doesn’t stand for Clarington. I don’t know the guy. He doesn’t seem to be friends with any of my Facebook contacts, and I have a lot of contacts. His profile picture is kinda telling, but it doesn’t show his face. Pretty mysterious.”
Sebastian’s brain is in overdrive. Eli...Eli...Eli? He doesn’t remember any Eli. Holy shit, why did Blaine cheat on him with some douchebag called Eli Fucking C.?
“Okay, thanks,” Sebastian mumbles, moving to leave the room. But when his hand is on the door knob, he hesitates and whirls around again. “What’s Blaine’s Facebook password?”
Hunter gives him a pitiful smile and shakes his head. “You’ll thank me later for not telling you.”
Right... Without uttering another word, Sebastian leaves Hunter alone with his chess pieces and his silly cat.
Knowing the guy’s name doesn’t make things better. It just makes things even more real. Sebastian feels like he’s getting sick. Why did Blaine cheat with Eli C. and not with him? What makes Eli C. so much better than him?
Sebastian rushes back to his room, turns his laptop on and searches for Eli C. on Facebook. But there are no answers. Everything is set to private, except for his stupid profile picture. A lighthouse. What the fuck? Sebastian can barely handle his agitation while he stares at the image.
Blaine must be a real prick. A devious, malicious asshole. It’s the only explanation. Ever since that disturbing conversation in the Dalton parking lot, Sebastian has been mulling it over, day after day. It seems so obvious that Blaine wanted to hurt him. But part of Sebastian simply refuses to believe that. That part of him still clings to that ideal image of a boy who’s too precious for this world.
Sebastian needs to talk to someone else. Someone who knows Blaine better than him. He jumps up and rushes to the door next to his, knocking only three times this time, and enters the room.
“What the fuck, Sebastian?!” Nick snaps, sitting up on his bed, on which he’s apparently just taken a nap. His hair is all messy and he’s rubbing his eyes. “I was asleep, man! You can’t just burst into someone’s room like this! I could’ve been doing...something else.”
“Lock your damn door when you jerk off and you’re safe,” Sebastian says, rolling his eyes. “Listen. I need some information about Blaine.”
Nick reacts with a silly chuckle. “I feel like I’m having a déjà vu. I think you said the exact same words after storming into my room some time last year.”
“Whatever, I don’t care. So listen, this has to stay between us.” Sebastian pulls Nick’s desk chair towards the bed and sits down on it backwards, resting his forearms on the back of the chair. “You’ve known him for quite a while. Do you know if he’s ever done anything with bad intentions?”
Puzzled, Nick wrinkles his forehead. “Bad intentions?”
“Well...do you think Blaine has a malicious side? Do you think he’s capable of being a real prick?”
“No way!” Nick blurts out with a brief, dismissive laugh. “Blaine is a great guy. He can be a bit over the top, but only in a good way. Wait, are you trying to find out if you two have anything in common? Sorry I have to disappoint you, but he’s pretty much the most upright person I know - very much unlike you.”
“Haha, very funny,” Sebastian says drily. “Do you feel like he’s changed?”
“Compared to when?”
“Before he transferred to that shithole of a school in Lima.”
Nick knits his eyebrows, seemingly contemplating Sebastian’s question. “You mean...besides his hair?”
“Damn, Duval! You know exactly that I’m not asking about his hair,” Sebastian hisses impatiently.
“Okay, okay. Well...this is really between us, right?”
Sebastian nods eagerly.
“So yeah, I think he’s changed. He used to be extremely confident and also extremely naïve - in a sweet way. I told you about the Gap Attack? That was so him...not that he wouldn’t pull off anything like that again. I think he would. But I feel like he’s lost some of that confidence after he transferred to McKinley. Maybe because he was suddenly one of many in that Glee Club. He told me he got some shit from them for being bossy or something like that, even from Kurt. And about that naïveté...he seems more down-to-earth now. Almost a bit jaded. Overall...” Nick pauses to think before he sums up his thoughts. “Overall, he seems more human now.”
Sebastian stares at Nick with narrowed eyes. “More human?”
“Ugh, you know that I can’t express myself,” Nick mumbles, dropping his gaze in embarrassment. “It’s like he used to be some kind of superhero, but then he got bitten by a human and turned into Peter Parker. Does that make any sense?”
More human...it makes sense somehow. Sebastian has only just learned that Blaine isn’t flawless. He’s not that perfect, luminous figure he’d seemed to be. He’s human...and maybe that’s a good thing.
“Did you guys have an argument or something like that?” Nick suddenly asks with an inquisitive look.
“No, why?”
“I don’t know. ‘Cause you asked if he’s evil. Sounded like you’re afraid he might take revenge on you,” Nick explains with a chuckle.
“Hell, no! I just...doesn’t matter. Thanks, man. See you at dinner,” Sebastian says, jumping up from the chair and heading out into the hallway. He needs to get out...get some fresh air.
So Blaine may not be out to crush him after all. He may not be the villain Sebastian has been taking him for ever since their conversation in the parking lot...just a fallen superhero. A fallen angel. But why did he cheat then? Why with Eli C.?
The clues just don’t add up. Nothing makes sense.
Christmas Day comes and goes. Sebastian gets the new laptop and watch that he’d asked for, but he isn’t even thrilled about those presents. He’s been waiting for a text message - again.
Sebastian has decided he won’t text Blaine. If Blaine wants something from him, he has to make the first move. The only bad thing about this decision is that Sebastian is constantly on pins and needles, checking his phone every ten minutes all day long. It’s annoying. It’s actually fucking humiliating.
But then, on Boxing Day, Sebastian’s phone vibrates and the letter B appears on his screen. Finally. Sebastian feels like a bubble of endorphins has exploded inside him when he unlocks the screen.
[11:43 AM] Hey Bas, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas with your family! I wanted to ask if you wanna hang out sometime in the next couple of days. Just let me know if you feel like it! :)
A colon and a bracket are smiling at Sebastian. Blaine and his damn smileys. Sebastian learned a while ago that they basically mean nothing. Blaine always sends them, rain or shine. He’d probably reply with a smiley if someone sent him a death threat. It doesn’t mean they’re friends again. It doesn’t mean he’s looking forward to seeing Sebastian. It means nothing. But it still makes Sebastian’s heart jump because it reminds him of Blaine’s smile. The shining one in the Warblers’ group photo that Sebastian has saved on his phone and probably spent hours staring at. It’s a beautiful, radiating smile. A pre-Hummel, pre-McKinley, pre-Slushie smile.
Sebastian contemplates for a while if he should make Blaine wait a bit and reply later, but then he feels pathetic for even considering that option. He’s Sebastian Smythe; such games are way beneath his level.
[11:54 AM] scandals, friday night?
[12:03 PM] Hmmm...I don’t have the best memories of Scandals to be honest
Sebastian knows that Blaine is referring to a stupid argument he had with Hummel after his first visit to the bar. Because before he left with that sequinned Smurf, Sebastian and Blaine had been having a fucking awesome time there.
[12:04 PM] then it’s time to make new ones!
[12:11 PM] That’s probably true...but I don’t know
For fuck’s sake. Sebastian will require alcohol, so they have to go to Scandals. He also wants to relive their night at the gay bar, but without Hummel. This time, it will only be them and it will be great.
[12:12 PM] pretty please?
[12:16 PM] Alright. I’ll pick you up at 10, okay?
Sebastian silently fist-pumps.
[12:16 PM] awesome! but we can also take a cab
[12:25 PM] It’s okay. I think it’s better if one of us stays sober ;)
Huh? What the hell is that supposed to mean? And another one of those stupid smileys - the most cryptic one this time. Anyways, Sebastian is satisfied.
But he’s also dreading Friday night like it might be his last.
On Friday, Sebastian’s parents leave for a quick post-Christmas trip to New York. He’s glad they’re out of his way because he’s more anxious than he wants to admit to himself. Sebastian is already wearing his parka, his woolen scarf and gloves at 9:50 PM, standing by the window in the entrance hall and watching the street like a hawk. The lights are off so Blaine can’t see that he’s waiting for him as desperately as a dog waiting for its owner to come home.
When the black Honda finally appears and stops in front of the Smythes’ mansion, Sebastian rushes to the door like a maniac, only to walk down the path to the street with an unequaled feigned calm and coolness. As he climbs into the car, he greets Blaine with a confident grin, but his pulse is already in overdrive again because...because of everything. The car is filled with the familiar, enticing fragrance of Blaine’s aftershave and his fruity hair gel. It’s also filled with Blaine’s beaming smile and his soft, happy voice. It feels like home. Sebastian wants to stay in this car forever. Any thoughts about Blaine’s alleged malignity are instantly forgotten.
“How was Christmas?” Blaine asks cheerfully.
“It was okay. Nothing special. What about you? Is your brother here?”
“Yeah,” Blaine confirms with a slightly distressed sigh. “My mom is over the moon. I’m...not so much. He says he wants my room. It used to be his before he moved to L.A., and I got it when I moved back to Lima because it has its own bathroom. It’s just more practical. But now that he knows I’m moving back to Dalton, he wants it back. It makes no sense. He comes to Lima twice a year or so. Why does he need a room with his own bathroom? We have two guest bathrooms, I don’t get it. I think he just wants to mess with me again.”
The Anderson brothers and their peculiar relationship. Sebastian has never really understood what their problem is. But obviously, he has to be on Blaine’s side. “Damn...sometimes I’m glad that I don’t have any siblings.”
“You should be...”
The conversation is superficial and a little stilted. Sebastian hopes that will change at the bar. When they arrive in the parking lot, they leave their jackets in the car and walk over to the entrance in silence. Blaine seems tense, probably thinking of the argument with Hummel that had happened here.
The bouncer knows Sebastian and doesn’t even check their fake IDs. Inside, Sebastian orders a beer and a coke for Blaine, and they exchange a few more stories about Christmas and the first half of their school year. Sebastian gradually gets the feeling that the ice is finally breaking. And then the conversation feels easy, almost like back when they were friends.
Blaine looks stunning, as always. He’s wearing a navy dress shirt and mustard yellow pants - nice and tight, as always - with a matching bow tie. Sebastian has never been able to decide whether he hates or loves Blaine’s bow ties. They’d surely look tacky on any other guy with their flashy colors and patterns. But Blaine wears them like a badge of honor. He makes them look dapper and cool. Sebastian wonders if he’ll maybe even miss them when Blaine wears the Dalton tie again.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Blaine suddenly asks with a suspicious grin.
Damn. Sebastian got carried away. “Uuhh...I was just wondering if you still box. Your arms look like you do.”
Blaine’s smile reveals that he’s flattered. “McKinley has a punch bag, so yeah, I try to stay in shape. But not with other people, which would definitely be more fun. Does the Dalton Fight Club still exist?”
“Yeah, it does. Another club that Hunter has taken over.”
“Oh? Okay...I wonder if it’s too late to join some clubs at Dalton in January. I had to leave quite a few clubs behind at McKinley. They have a few really cool ones. Have you ever heard of a Superhero Sidekicks Appreciation Club? Some of their clubs are so creative. And I was actually the President of the Secret Society of Superheroes Club...”
That’s the start of an extended monologue about the awesomeness of William McKinley High School that Sebastian only endures by ordering a bourbon, a tequila, and another beer - a rather adventurous mix. The thing is, he gets it. Changing schools yet again is probably hard for Blaine. He’ll leave friends behind yet again. Sebastian understands that and listens. He nods and asks a few pertinent questions. But it’s painful. Everything about McKinley screams “Hummel”...and that’s a very sore spot. Sebastian wanted to spend the night with Blaine, not with bad memories.
You have to let go. You’ll get a new start. Isn’t that a good thing?
Eventually, Blaine lapses into silence, seemingly lost in his McKinley memories. Sebastian needs to change the topic. No, he needs to move.
“Wanna dance?” Sebastian asks, grinning. He’s already moderately drunk, but still completely in control.
A smile lights up Blaine’s thoughtful face. “Sure! But first I have to give you something.”
He pulls something out of the pocket of his pants and hands it to Sebastian. It’s a USB stick with a little silver bow around it.
“I thought about putting it in a box and wrapping it, but then it wouldn’t have fit into a pocket, and I wanted to give it to you here. Sorry I’m late, but Merry Christmas!” Blaine beams at him with the brightest smile Sebastian has ever seen.
Sebastian’s mouth suddenly gets very dry and his cheeks feel awfully hot. He looks at the USB stick helplessly, not knowing what to say. “Wow, thanks! I didn’t know you’d give me a Christmas present. Uhm...I don’t have anything for you, to be honest.”
There’s not a hint of disappointment in Blaine’s face. “Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to give me anything.”
But I wanna give you everything.
“I just thought it would be nice if we revived our old and pretty short-lived tradition of exchanging playlists,” Blaine continues. “I think this playlist is pretty different from the last one I gave you in...when was that? January? God, that was almost a year ago, and so much has happened since then.”
Sebastian has trouble grasping a clear thought, and he feels the tingling in his stomach again. Blaine has a Christmas present for him. A playlist. That’s something so personal...so thoughtful.
“Thank you,” Sebastian finally manages to say with a heartfelt smile on his lips. “That’s an awesome idea. I’ll make one for you too.”
“I’m looking forward to it! Well, let’s go and dance to whatever 80s or 90s song they’ll play next,” Blaine says happily and sashays over to the dance floor where quite a few other men are dancing exuberantly. Sebastian stays at the bar for another moment, watching Blaine shake his perfect ass...until he realizes that other guys might be interested in dancing with Blaine too, so he gulps down the rest of his beer and follows him as fast as he can.
On the dance floor, Sebastian can basically see how Blaine loosens up little by little as he dances to Laura Branigan’s Self Control. Dancing must be like alcohol to him. The longer Blaine dances, the more playful his smile looks and the more provocative his movements become. Just a few songs later, probably sometime during Soft Cell’s Tainted Love, sweet Blaine finally turns into sassy Blaine, and Sebastian feels like his brain is dissolving - not because of the alcohol, but because he’s dancing with a boy on fire.
It’s not just the way the flashing lights reflect off Blaine’s skin as if he was made of pure gold. It’s not just the way he moves his hips and his glorious bubble ass. It’s the looks he throws at Sebastian...those looks! They’re so fucking flirtatious.
It doesn’t make any sense to Sebastian. Nothing makes sense. Maybe Blaine doesn’t hate him? Doesn’t want to wreck him? Maybe Blaine wants him after all? The Christmas present must be more than a peace offering. The smiles and the tantalizing moves are a clear invitation. There’s just no other possible explanation.
Every now and then they accidentally bump against each other, and every time Blaine smiles at Sebastian as if he was asking for more...but more of what?
You can have it all. Just take it. Please...
When the first notes of Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. fill the bar, Sebastian pulls himself together and gives Blaine a challenging grin. This is his chance.
“Do you dare to slow dance with me?”
Biting his lower lip, Blaine replies with a smile so seductive that it makes a shiver run down Sebastian’s spine. Without any hesitation, he grabs Sebastian’s left hand with his right and places his other hand on Sebastian’s hip, gently but steadily. He’s so close now that their bodies are lined up flush against each other, and just a few seconds later, Blaine softly rests his head against Sebastian’s collarbone.
As they rock left and right to the rhythm of the slow song, Sebastian drops his head, resting his cheek against Blaine’s temple. He closes his eyes and tries to wrap his head around what’s happening. Blaine - the boy he’d missed so much, the one he’d almost managed to forget - is suddenly here, pressed up against him, warm and real, and so incredibly alluring. Although the bar is smokey as hell, Sebastian perceives Blaine’s familiar raspberry scent. It smells like faint memories of a short-lived, bittersweet friendship that had been doomed from the start because...yeah, why? It doesn’t matter now.
They couldn’t touch more if they tried, at least not without taking their clothes off. It feels like they’re touching everywhere. Blaine is everywhere, and wherever he is, Sebastian feels his heat radiating into him. It takes his breath away. It almost makes him dizzy. He knows it’s not the alcohol. It’s all Blaine; the way he’s holding on to him, the way he’s moving with him, the way he’s squeezing his hand. Sebastian is sure this is the highlight of his life so far.
He’s getting hard. Of course he is. He hasn’t touched another guy ever since Blaine showed up at Dalton before Thanksgiving. He just hasn’t been interested in anyone else, hasn’t been able to think of anyone else. He wants to know what Blaine has been thinking about...and especially what’s going on in his head right now.
Is this real? Do you want me, too? Or do you just enjoy playing with me before you snap my neck, Killer?
And he wants to know if Blaine is hard, too. He has to be, but Sebastian can’t be sure without grinding his crotch up against him, which is something he can’t do. They’re only just reviving their friendship. It’s fragile and he can’t do anything stupid. So he moves his hips forward as they dance, just a little bit, and he thinks he feels something, but he just can’t be sure...
Sebastian isn’t sure if the alcohol is amplifying the feeling, but he’s one-hundred percent sure he’s never been so turned on. Every cell of his body aches for Blaine. He’s here, right here in his arms, but it’s not enough anymore...he wants more.
What Sebastian wants now is something he’s never really wanted to do with others...something he hasn’t done very often because it’s usually not important to him. But it’s all he wants now. He wants to kiss Blaine.
Sebastian is used to getting what he wants, to simply taking it. But this is Blaine, and what they have - whatever that is - is fragile, he reminds himself. Part of him just wants to do it. Just kiss him. But he has too much to lose, he can’t take a risk that big. Even in his state of intoxication, he hasn’t forgotten that. So he settles for a compromise...an invitation.
His lips brush against Blaine’s ear as he whispers, “I really want to kiss you.”
Blaine just keeps rocking left and right with Sebastian for a moment that seems to last forever. A million thoughts are whirling through Sebastian’s head. Is he mulling it over? Is he torn? Is he appalled? Did his hand just tremble a bit? Did he even hear him?
Finally, Blaine pulls away from Sebastian, and looks up at him. Sebastian is one-hundred percent sure that Blaine’s pupils weren’t this blown just a few minutes before. Is this lust? Is it desire? Aren’t his eyes begging him to do just what he wants to do - kiss him? Or are these huge, beautiful eyes lying to Sebastian yet again?
Blaine tears his gaze away from Sebastian and looks to the bar for a second. When he turns back to Sebastian, he’s biting his lower lip again, but not seductively this time. He seems flustered, as if he’s suddenly afraid of his own courage. “I...I don’t think that’s such a good idea. You’ve already had a lot to drink... Hey, I’m gonna get us some water, okay?”
Sebastian feels as if he’s just been hit by a truck...as if all of his blood had left his body all at once - cold, dizzy, empty. “Make it a whisky. Double,” he sighs, turning away from Blaine.
Goddammit. Fuck this. Fuck you. Seriously.
Sebastian can’t believe what just happened. Blaine gloriously ruined the most magical moment of all magical moments, just like that. Sebastian is sure he’ll never forgive him for that. Then again...maybe he’s just misread all the signs. Or maybe Nick is wrong about Blaine after all.
Following this disaster, they stay at the bar and Sebastian downs one shot after the other. He has no idea what they’re talking about now because his brain has finally surrendered to the alcohol. Soon he can barely stay on his feet, and Blaine has to drag him out of the building.
“Good thing I didn’t drink anything, huh?” Blaine comments with a pitying grin. Everything around them is spinning.
Blaine somehow manages to steer Sebastian towards his car, opens the passenger door for him and helps him climb in. He even helps him put on his parka that’s been abandoned in the back seat. When Blaine is sitting in the driver’s seat and the car doors are closed, Sebastian feels like home again. Did anything bad happen? He doesn’t even know. He’s feeling pretty good. It’s cold in the car, but it doesn’t matter.
It’s not even cold anymore when Blaine leans over him, trying to find Sebastian’s seat belt. The bar’s stench hasn’t clung to him at all. He’s so close, smelling so good... Sebastian takes a deep breath. God, Blaine is so close. Why can’t they just kiss now? Sebastian wants it so badly. He closes his eyes, but Blaine doesn’t kiss him. What was that again? Kissing is a bad idea? Why?
It takes Blaine a few seconds of heavenly physical proximity until he finds the seat belt and fastens it around Sebastian. “There you go,” he says in a caring tone. His voice is soft like a peach. Like a Cashmere blanket.
Blaine turns on the radio. Joe Cocker, Summer In The City. Sebastian’s drunken brain briefly wonders what crackhead radio host plays a song like that in the dead of winter. But it doesn’t matter. It’s currently the best song ever because Sebastian is in Blaine’s car...with Blaine. Sebastian closes his eyes, moving his head to the rhythm of the song.
“Are you okay?” Blaine asks before he starts the car.
“Yeah,” Sebastian murmurs and smiles. He’s totally okay. Actually, everything’s perfect. He briefly remembers that Blaine didn’t wanna kiss him, so what? Who cares anyway? Everything feels so far away right now, but Sebastian can feel that Blaine is close, and that’s everything that matters.
Only seconds later, it seems, Blaine’s hand gently squeezes his arm. Sebastian opens his eyes and an angel smiles at him from the driver’s seat.
“Hey, we’re at your place,” he says. Damn, how can that voice be so soft? “Do you think you can make it to the door on your own?”
“Wha-?” Sebastian doesn’t really know where he is. It must be heaven.
“Okay, come on, I’ll help you. I hope it’s true that your parents aren’t home. They better not see you like this,” Blaine says with a musical chuckle.
The passenger door opens and Blaine leans over Sebastian again to open the seat belt. He’s so close, so close again...
Kiss me, please...
Then Blaine hooks his arms under Sebastian’s and pulls him out of the car. Sebastian feels really heavy, and it’s quite the challenge, but he’s finally standing on his feet. Blaine slips in under his left arm and supports him on their way to the front door.
“Where are your keys?”
“Pocket,” Sebastian mumbles, unable to reach for them on his own.
He feels Blaine’s hands slide into the pocket of his parka, and he adds very slowly, “Paaants.”
Blaine releases a little sigh, opens the zipper of Sebastian’s parka and digs his hands into the pockets of Sebastian’s pants.
Dear God. Yes...
Eventually, Blaine finds the keys and opens the door.
“Your room is upstairs, right?”
“Yeah...”
Blaine, perfect as he is, takes off his and Sebastian’s shoes before he helps Sebastian up the stairs.
“Such a good boooy. Mom would be proud’f you,” Sebastian giggles. Blaine just grins and shakes his head.
Getting up the stairs isn’t easy, and frankly, even a bit dangerous because Sebastian has lost any sense of balance. He’s heavier than Blaine, but Blaine is a trouper.
Sebastian doesn’t even know how they got there, but suddenly, they’re in his room. Blaine finds the light switch and helps Sebastian walk over to his bed.
When Sebastian drops onto his pillows and the thick duvet, he feels like he’s landed on a cloud. Then everything starts to spin around him.
“Fuuuck,” he groans.
“Come on, I’ll help you take your clothes off, and then you have to sleep. I’m afraid you won’t feel so well tomorrow,” Blaine says, starting to pull on Sebastian’s shirt.
Holy shit. Sebastian has dreamed of this so often. Blaine is in his room...undressing him. First he pulls Sebastian’s shirt over his head. Then he opens Sebastian’s jeans, unzips them...and pulls them down.
To Sebastian’s great disappointment, Blaine doesn’t touch his boxers and for some reason he keeps his own clothes on. After Blaine has somehow managed to pull the duvet out from under Sebastian and cover him with it, he gives him a smile so beautiful and caring that Sebastian finally believes that Blaine can’t be vile. He’s an angel, but why...
“Blaine?” Sebastian murmurs when Blaine is about to leave.
“Yeah?” the soft, silky voice replies.
“Why d’you cheat on me?”
Blaine freezes and gives him a puzzled look. “What? That’s...that’s not funny,” he says, his tone a little less soft than before.
“Why didn’t y’call me up when y’needed someone t’make out with?” Sebastian elaborates. He needs to know. Why?
“Sebastian, please...”
“‘M I not good enough for somethin’ like that?”
Blaine emits something like a sad-sounding chuckle. “You’re too good for something like that.”
Huh? Everything is still spinning and a bit blurry, and Sebastian can’t be sure if he really just heard those words because the fucking alcohol has taken control over him. He wants it to fade now, but it doesn’t.
“What d’you jus’say?” Sebastian slurs. He’s too good for...what?
Blaine’s smile looks so sad, it’s heart-breaking. Sebastian feels the urge to hug him, but he’s unable to move.
“You’re more than just...” Blaine gazes at Sebastian with glassy eyes. It doesn’t make sense. “You know what, I think I should really go home now, and you need to get some sleep. Good night.”
Blaine squeezes Sebastian’s hand that’s resting on top of the duvet and gives him one last sad smile before he leaves. Fortunately, Sebastian’s brain has mercy on him and allows him to drift off into sleep immediately, instead of torturing him with thoughts that wouldn’t have made any sense anyway.
When Sebastian wakes up the next morning, his head feels like it might explode any moment, and his stomach is churning. He’s feeling incredibly sorry for himself...until he notices the USB stick with the little silver bow around it next to his phone on the nightstand.
Blaine.
Sebastian’s pants and his shirt are resting on the back of his desk chair, neatly folded.
He was here. He really was.
Then Sebastian realizes that there’s a glass of water and a pill on his nightstand right next to his phone. With a shaking hand, he grabs the device and unlocks the screen.
[09:31 AM] Good morning! :) I really hope it’s not as bad as I think it is... Remember, you need to drink lots of water. WATER! ;)
Sebastian drops himself back on the pillow and closes his eyes, trying to remember what happened last night. It’s hard, his memories are foggy. They danced... They could’ve kissed, but Blaine didn’t want to...but Blaine was also so fucking caring. He seems to care about Sebastian in one way or the other. Fuck, what did he say about Sebastian being...what? Too good? For what? Did that even really happen or was it just a dream? It’s all a blur...
Sebastian opens his eyes and tries to ignore the pain in his head. He needs to get up and get to work, so he swallows the pill and gulps down the entire glass of water. Blaine handed him a new clue, and he needs to dissect it. It will surely help him make sense of everything.
Groaning, he gets up from his bed. He goes to the bathroom, and when he returns, he grabs his new laptop and his headphones from the desk. Once back in his bed, he turns the laptop on and hooks up the USB stick, staring at the screen with a mixture of excitement and trepidation.
Chapter 4: Listen...
Notes:
Since Blaine’s playlist plays quite a big role in this chapter, I traveled back in time in search of pre-2013 songs and ended up making the actual list. You can find it on ***Spotify*** and on ***YouTube***!
Ail’s graphic for this chapter is one of my all-time favorites! Check it out here!
Chapter Text
Sebastian has never quite understood the reason why students are forced to analyze poems, short stories, and novels in English class. Who cares about what the author’s intention may or may not have been anyway? If they have anything important to say, they shouldn’t hide it in metaphors and symbols.
There are a million different ways to interpret words, but teachers usually only accept an interpretation that matches their own. If you don’t reach the same conclusion, you’re fucked. Sebastian tends to disagree with his teacher’s interpretation in most cases, so it’s safe to say that English class isn’t really his favorite. He’s always considered it a useless class imparting useless knowledge; a waste of his precious time.
But now Sebastian might finally have an opportunity to put his analytical skills to good use. He’s sure that the playlist on the USB stick doesn’t just contain random songs. Blaine was a member of McKinley’s Glee Club for quite some time, and everyone knows that those public school weirdos mainly communicate by breaking out in song. Considering the mixed signals Blaine gave him at Scandals and afterwards (the memories are hazy as hell), Sebastian is sure that something’s going on. He expects a secret message in the songs and plans to dissect the lyrics of each and every single one of them.
The only folder on the USB stick is titled “Listen...” When he opens it, he instantly notices a text file with the same name. He clicks on it before even taking a look at the twelve numbered MP3 files. It’s a message from Blaine:
“Hey Bas,
I hope you don’t know these songs yet (although I think you know at least one or two). They’re mostly fairly recent discoveries from the past two years, except for a few ‘oldies’ (from 2005 or so) that I can’t get out of my head. Enjoy! ;)
Blaine
P.S. So this is me now. Do you still recognize me? I hope you do...”
Sebastian nervously runs one hand through his messy hair. What’s with that damn cryptic smiley again? And the ellipses in the folder and file name? “Listen...” It looks like Sebastian is right. These songs must be full of hidden messages. He has to listen closely and try to decipher them.
And what about the P.S., Mr. Mysterious? I’m on to you.
After opening a new text file to take notes and a browser window to search for the lyrics of the songs, Sebastian drags the MP3 files into his music player. Then he hits the “Play” button and listens...
1) Beirut - Port of Call
Sebastian knows the band, but not the song. They’re usually a bit too heavy on the brass side for his taste, but this song starts with a few enticing, dreamy notes that make him zone out a little until the singer’s voice finally confronts him with some weird, completely uninterpretable lines. Then he sings, “I’ve been alone some time...” Actually, that sounds like Blaine.
“You had hope for me now
I danced all around it somehow
Be fair to me
I may drift awhile
Were it up to me
You’d know why...”
It’s eerie. It feels like Blaine is talking directly to him. Is this song supposed to tell Sebastian that he just has to be patient for Blaine to get over Hummel? And that there’s something between them that Blaine hasn’t been able to be honest about yet?
The next two songs are similarly slow and wistful:
2) Sufjan Stevens - Futile Devices
3) Dark Dark Dark - Daydreaming
Sebastian is briefly left in a state of utter shock when Sufjan Stevens shamelessly throws the L word at him (“And I would say I love you / But saying it out loud is hard” - ?!), but after deciding to ignore that part (it’s so over the top), he soon recovers and finds a common message in both songs: “Words are futile devices,” and there are “unspeakable things” that cannot be talked about. They’re further proof of Sebastian’s theory that Blaine is trying to communicate with him in an indirect way - through music.
Daydreaming is particularly cryptic...
“Oh, if you knew what it meant to me
You would see, too”
See what? It’s still entirely unclear why Blaine can’t just tell him whatever is going on inside his beautiful head.
4) Tame Impala - It Feels Like We Only Go Backwards
This one is surprisingly blunt. It’s a song about two people who seem to be too stupid to end up together. Just total idiots. But this can’t be about Blaine and Sebastian...
“I got my hopes up again, oh no, not again
Feels like we only go backwards, darling
Seed of all this indecision isn’t me, oh no
‘Cause I decided long ago”
...because what is this bullshit? How could Blaine blame Sebastian now? It doesn’t make any sense. Sebastian has always been very open about his attraction to Blaine. If anyone is going backwards it’s Blaine, who didn’t want to kiss him at Scandals. So what the hell is wrong with him? Sebastian realizes he desperately needs coffee, but he’s too lazy to get up again and too curious about the remaining songs.
Then the playlist takes an unexpected turn. Electric guitars, louder vocals, desperate lyrics about being broken and wounded.
5) Brand New - Millstone
6) Balance And Composure - More To Me
7) Young the Giant - Cough Syrup
Sebastian doesn’t remember anything like it from Blaine’s other playlists. Is this the kind of music he’s turned to following the breakup? Is this why he asked if Sebastian still recognizes him in his note? The songs sound a bit like what Nick said about Blaine...a superhero turned human, fallible.
Actually, these songs even sound like a cry for help...and they bring up a question inside Sebastian’s mind that he hasn’t really asked himself lately: Is Blaine okay?
Sebastian knows that Blaine has some issues. He’s had them for a while. When they were friends before the Slushie incident, Blaine told him about some of his demons: the trouble at his old school, the problems with his dad, even about arguments he had with Hummel. Blaine can be the sweetest, most positive person, but Sebastian knows about the darkness that sometimes gets the best of him. Not many people know about that side of him because Blaine is a damn good actor - and not just on stage.
The breakup must’ve been particularly hard on him, even though Sebastian knows that it’s probably the best thing that could have happened to Blaine. Hummel was poison for that boy’s mental health. But of course Blaine doesn’t see it that way.
Sebastian thinks back to their talk in the Dalton parking lot. Blaine seemed devastated about the breakup and what he’d done. Suddenly, Sebastian is struck by the realization that there was an awful lot of self-loathing in the things Blaine said that night. If Sebastian hadn’t been so shocked about the news of Blaine having cheated, maybe he would’ve noticed right away. It didn’t sound healthy. If Sebastian’s mother knew about it, she’d probably come up with a diagnosis for it and prescribe Blaine some pills.
“Listen...” Sebastian stares at the name of the folder on the USB stick. Even if the songs are meant to tell him something about Blaine’s feelings towards him, they’re not solely about Sebastian or their bizarre dance around each other. Maybe some are just about Blaine and his struggles. Perhaps he needs someone to pour his heart out to...a friend.
An awful thought pops into Sebastian’s head. Although he’s been thinking about Blaine for weeks again, day in and day out, he’s been doing it in a rather self-absorbed fashion. He hasn’t been much of a friend to him.
Obsession. Tunnel vision. That’s all there was.
Regrets rise up within him like bile. When Blaine didn’t want to kiss him, Sebastian just got drunk to escape from his agony. But did he even try to understand what was going on inside Blaine at that moment? No, he didn’t waste a thought on that. And that sucks because he cares about Blaine. He really does. So he decides to listen more closely...now and always.
8) Youth Group - Forever Young
Just seconds later, Sebastian is already considering not listening anymore altogether because this is just...ugh. For some reason, his eyes are trying to tear up. Of course he won’t let them because he automatically gets pissed and aggressive whenever they try to do that.
What the actual fuck... Blaine probably wants to crush him with this playlist. Wasn’t it supposed to be something like a Christmas present? Damn.
It’s the fourth depressing song in a row. Well, it’s a classic and the lyrics are freaking beautiful, but they are fucking hurtful too. This cover is almost sadder than the original version. The melancholy overshadowing every note makes the song almost unbearable to listen to, especially while thinking about Blaine. Is Blaine really in a place that’s that bad? Thinking about evanescence at the age of seventeen? All of a sudden, Karofsky crosses his mind. No. It can’t be that bad...
Goddamnit, Blaine, I’m listening! But what the fuck are you trying to tell me???!!!
9) The Shins - Simple Song
This song sounds a lot happier again. It seems to be a love song, and its energetic positivity is a massive relief after the darker songs preceding it. But Sebastian doesn’t get the message. It could be about getting saved by someone...that would actually make sense following the previous songs.
10) Death Cab For Cutie - Soul Meets Body
The tenth song brings Sebastian’s hopes up again. There was a Death Cab For Cutie song on his last playlist for Blaine...I Will Possess Your Heart. So he’s pleasantly surprised when Soul Meets Body comes up. He likes the song, and he can even draw a connection to Blaine and himself.
“But I know our filthy hands can wash one another’s
And not one speck will remain”
Isn’t this about what Blaine told him? That he was hoping they could help each other get over the bad things they did? The song really goes under Sebastian’s skin because it’s so...Blaine. It’s about him, them. He’s sure this time.
11) Tanlines - Not The Same
The line “You always feel wild when I’m in your mind” sounds very true, but the rest is a bit of a mystery. “We’re not the same” - it sounds strangely sad again, so Sebastian decides not to mull over it for too long.
12) LCD Soundsystem - Home
On a playlist with hidden messages and meanings, the last song must be particularly important. The finale. It’s a song about going out together, forgetting bad things that happened in the past, partying, going home together...
“This is the trick, forget a terrible year
That we can break the laws
Until it gets weird
And this is what you waited for
But under lights, we’re all unsure
So tell me
What would make you feel better?”
Sebastian realizes that Blaine made the playlist just before they went out to Scandals. Is this the vision Blaine had had of their night out together? Had he planned to go home together? Make up? Make out? Did Sebastian fuck it all up and spoil the entire deal by getting drunk like an idiot? Holy shit.
Just like Soul Meets Body, the song seems hopeful, redeeming. Sebastian drums his fingers on his laptop to the upbeat rhythm.
Yeah, I still recognize you, Blaine...all of this is so you. But what do you wanna tell me?
Sebastian is momentarily overcome by doubts. Maybe dissecting these songs won’t help him at all. The songs reflecting Blaine’s fragile state of mind are pretty straightforward. But apart from those, he’s only picking up mixed signals again - just like at Scandals. This playlist could be the ultimate proof that English class is utterly useless.
The notes in Sebastian’s text file are in a state of complete chaos, so he listens to the entire playlist again, just as carefully as the first time. He needs a conclusion. Unfortunately, it doesn’t appear to him. Staring at his notes, he tries to summarize the overall themes in the songs: regrets, unfulfilled longing, miscommunication and things that can’t be said, being a failed existence, redemption, new beginnings.
In the end, there are four possible conclusions.
#1: Blaine likes Sebastian, and this is his way of telling him.
This theory is obviously Sebastian’s favorite. But why would Blaine be so secretive about it? He once publicly serenaded a dude in a clothing store although they’d only known each other for five minutes. It doesn’t make any sense. And the songs are neither clear nor consistent about his feelings either. Listening to them and trying to decipher their message is like ripping petals off a flower - he loves me, he loves me not...
#2: Blaine knows that Sebastian likes him but doesn’t like him back, and each song is a carefully planted bomb, meant to mess with Sebastian’s head and tear him to pieces.
Because Blaine might be vicious after all. But Nick claimed the opposite, and Blaine was an angel only last night, bringing Sebastian home and taking care of him...so this theory is really unlikely. It’s probably just another idea resulting from Sebastian’s self-absorbed tunnel vision that he wants to avoid in the future.
#3: The songs are helping Blaine to cope with his break-up, and they’re actually about Hummel or Eli C.
But it’s been almost three months. How long does Blaine want to moon about a relationship that lasted...a year? One and a half? Who cares? Hell no, most of the songs can’t even be considered break-up songs in any way. So they can’t be about Hummel...but what if Blaine has a crush on Eli C. now? Sebastian suddenly feels a little sick. He decides not to waste any more time thinking about this theory because it’s just too much to bear.
#4: Blaine likes the music, but doesn’t care about the lyrics. Maybe he hasn’t even really paid attention to the words. They could mean nothing.
Sebastian is fairly shocked to realize that this theory is actually not unlikely. What if he’s looking for a meaning where there is none? Maybe Blaine just wants to show him some songs he likes. Fuck English class and the useless skills it fosters. But what about the P.S. in his note? “This is me now...”
In his state of emotional turmoil, Sebastian isn’t sure what to do next. Should he text Blaine? Tell him what he thinks about the playlist? Just make his own and give it to Blaine? Should the songs he picks for it have a meaning? Is this how they’re communicating now?
Sebastian is profoundly confused, and it’s not just because he’s hungover. The playlist might not be a clue after all. Perhaps it’s just another wrong track.
Sebastian is still mulling over the countless questions in his head later in the afternoon, chilling on his bed, when his phone suddenly starts to vibrate on the nightstand. As he turns to look at the screen, he sees a prominent, glowing B. He takes the phone into his hand, staring at the letter. His heart is suddenly racing. Stay cool, he tells himself.
“Hey,” he says after picking up the call.
“Hey! I wanted to check up on you since you’re all alone at home. Is everything okay?” a cheerful voice asks. It’s incredible that Blaine can be so energetic after a night out.
“I’m fine,” Sebastian lies. It’s not exactly a lie. His body is already feeling better, but his emotions are pretty much messed up.
“Really? Have you eaten anything yet?”
“Yeah, mom, I have,” Sebastian drawls with a grin, melting a bit at the sound of Blaine’s chuckle.
“Good, that’s a relief. I must confess I was a bit worried. You really were in bad shape... Anyways, I forgot to ask you last night, what are you doing on New Year’s Eve?”
That’s a really good question. New Year’s Eve is only two days away, and Sebastian doesn’t have any plans yet. Well, he had a plan: going to New York with his parents, celebrating at some rich folks’ party, getting drunk and possibly making out with multiple strangers he’d never see again. But he stayed in Lima because...Blaine said they could meet up. And they did, which was totally worth it. But now Sebastian doesn’t have any plans for New Year’s Eve. That hadn’t even occurred to him yet.
Instead of going to New York, he could’ve called up one of the Warblers to visit them at their home and party with them. But it’s a bit late for that now. So now he’s stuck in Lima without any plans, which is actually pretty bad.
“Uhm...you know I’m a spontaneous guy. No plans yet,” Sebastian says, hoping to sound cool.
“Oh, okay. I was gonna go over to Tina’s with a few other guys from McKinley. Sam, Artie, Marley, and some others. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you joined us.” Blaine sounds excited...and completely oblivious.
Sebastian can’t help but release a sarcastic laugh at that absurd suggestion. “I’m pretty sure they would mind.”
“Why would they?”
“Because I’m nothing but a criminal to them,” Sebastian elaborates with more bitterness in his voice than intended.
“No, you’re n-...oh, come on.”
“Seriously, I’d rather be alone on New Year’s Eve than hang out with them.”
Blaine sighs audibly. “I’m not gonna let you be alone on New Year’s Eve, Bas.”
Great. Now it sounds like Blaine is pitying him.
“I won’t be alone, so don’t worry about me,” Sebastian insists.
“But it’s only two days away, and you don’t have any plans yet. That sounds like you might end up alone.”
Would you shut up, Anderson?
“Again, there’s no reason to worry about me. I’m a big boy,” Sebastian counters, slightly annoyed.
There’s an awkward silence on the other end of the line before Sebastian hears another sigh, a little softer than before. And then Blaine decides to casually drop another bomb on him. “Okay, so...how about you come over to my place on New Year’s Eve?”
Initially, Sebastian can only utter a croaky “What?” until he catches his breath. “You just said you wanted to go to Tina’s.”
“Change of plans! The New Year is supposed to be about a new start and about Dalton, so I guess spending New Year’s Eve with another Warbler makes more sense than spending it with people from McKinley. Come to my place, alright? We can watch something, order pizza, drink my dad’s champagne... Oh, and bring your swim trunks!” Blaine sounds already so excited that it’s hard to believe he’s only just come up with this idea.
“What?” It dawns on Sebastian that the alcohol might have left permanent damage in his brain. This can’t be happening. Blaine must be messing with him again. But whatever is happening, Sebastian reminds himself that playing cool is the most important thing. He needs to pretend that he’s on top of things. “Alright, sure. It’s a date. Are we gonna kiss at midnight?” he smirks.
“Don’t make me change my mind,” Blaine says with a chuckle, somehow sounding simultaneously amused and reproachful.
After they’ve hung up, everything has changed. Sebastian is sure now that every single song on the playlist has a message that couldn’t be any more obvious: I want you. Do you want me, too?
Blaine Anderson is tossing aside his precious McKinley friends for him, so it’s crystal clear now. The call confirmed it. Sebastian listens to the playlist again, and he hears it in every line and in every note now. Blaine wants him.
So the plan is as follows: On New Year’s Eve, Sebastian will flirt the hell out of him. And 2013 will be amazing because he’ll finally have Blaine.
But having Blaine...what would that even mean? It’s not like Sebastian is looking for a boyfriend. On the contrary. He just turned eighteen. What he wants is to be free and have fun. In his dictionary, the word boyfriend is defined as “poor sucker on a leash.” Blaine used to be the best example of that.
Maybe Blaine has learned to enjoy his freedom after the breakup. If not, Sebastian can show him how. They can have a lot of fun and still be free.
The next thing Sebastian does is slip his hand inside the boxer shorts that he still hasn’t changed out of since last night. As he starts to caress and stroke his hardening dick, he closes his eyes, trying to recreate the alluring images of Blaine dancing at Scandals...his perfect body and his seductive smile. He tries to remember the feeling of holding Blaine close during their slow dance...Blaine’s muscles and curves, his warmth, his scent.
It’s insane how much he wants Blaine...whatever that means. It’s torturous. But he has a feeling that his suffering will be over soon...
On New Year’s Eve, Sebastian walks up the snowy path to the front door of the Andersons’ mansion with hesitant steps. He’s never been inside Blaine’s home, and the excitement is killing him. He intentionally rings the doorbell about ten minutes after the time they had agreed on; fashionably late, as if this wasn’t the potentially most important night of his life.
Only seconds later, Blaine opens the door. He’s wearing a cozy, gray sweater with black snowflakes on it, tight jeans, and purple oven mitts. Even though he’s at home, his hair is gelled as always.
Blaine greets him with a warm smile. “Hey! Come on in. The pizza is almost done. Another change of plans, I made it myself. I wanted to try a recipe I got from...”
Sebastian is incapable of listening. Blaine just looks so perfect; equally dapper and homey. He just wants all of it. As if walking on a cloud, Sebastian follows him to the huge, hyper-modern kitchen where the delicious smell of baked dough, cheese, and Mediterranean herbs fills the air. Could this guy be any more perfect? The way he gesticulates with his oven mitts, telling Sebastian the life story of the tomatoes he used for the sauce with utter excitement...
Sebastian can’t stop grinning. How could this not be the best New Year’s Eve in the history of humankind?
“...anyway. I really hope the crust won’t be too crispy because... Hey, are you even listening?”
Sebastian just nods, still smiling like a Cheshire cat. He hasn’t even noticed that he’s still wearing his parka, and only realizes it because of Blaine’s apologetic look.
“Oh sorry, you can give me that coat and have a seat at the table over there.”
Doing as he was told, Sebastian sits down on one of the stools at the bar table, dropping his backpack on the floor. He gives Blaine an amused smile when he comes back from hanging the parka somewhere in the entrance hall. He’s so adorable, whirling through the kitchen. Adorable is an adjective that usually doesn’t come to mind when Sebastian thinks about Blaine. Most of the time it’s smokin’ hot, but apparently Blaine can be both at the same time.
“Where are your folks?” Sebastian asks curiously as he watches Blaine take out two plates from a cupboard and cutlery from a drawer.
“Cooper’s at a friend’s party, and my parents are in Washington.”
“D.C.?” Sebastian asks, surprised. “Is your dad back in the diplomacy business?”
“No, he’d never go back to doing that. He’s making even more money as a CEO now. They’re just visiting some friends,” Blaine says in a dry tone. He always sounds that way when he talks about his dad.
Sebastian shakes his head with a snarky chuckle. “Isn’t it funny how our parents expect us to accept this shitty town as our home, while they use every opportunity to get away from it whenever they can?”
“Yeah, well...I’ve basically been living here my whole life, so it actually does feel like home to me, but I understand that it may not be the case for you. My mom dragged my dad here to be closer to her parents when I was...I don’t even know, really little. It makes sense somehow. I kinda like having my Lima grandparents close, while my other grandparents live on the other side of the world. Isn’t it the same for you? Except that your dad’s the one with the Lima roots?”
Sebastian nods, lost in thought for a moment. “That’s true. But unfortunately, I like my grandparents in Paris much more than the ones I have here.”
“Hm...that sucks,” Blaine comments, scrunching up his nose in sympathetic displeasure. Sebastian loves when he does that. It looks adorable too. “How often do you get to see them now? Once a year?”
“Yeah. I went to France in the summer for a couple of weeks.” Which was fun except for the fact that Vincent, Sebastian’s fuck buddy, had suddenly been unavailable because of some new boyfriend. “How often do you see your Filipino grandparents?”
“Much less than that. My dad doesn’t seem to miss them so much. We video chat sometimes. I actually think Cooper talks to them a lot more often than I do, even though they’re not even his actual grandparents. They’re not as strict with him as they are with me and my dad,” Blaine explains thoughtfully. After opening the oven door, he adds with a satisfied smile, “Looks like our dinner is ready. Do you wanna watch something while we eat? A movie? Or a TV show?”
Sebastian catches himself wondering what it would be like to live like this. Blaine and him, living in a house, having dinner together and watching TV shows. The thought is less scary than expected. There’s something fulfilling to it.
“Sure. What are you into right now?”
Grinning, Blaine takes the pizza out of the oven and starts to cut slices. “I still dig Teen Wolf. Did you watch the second season this summer?”
“I haven’t even finished watching the first season. The Lacrosse coach kinda freaked me out.”
Blaine laughs heartily. “There are werewolves and dead bodies, but the coach is the one who freaks you out? You’re crazy!”
Reflecting on how making Blaine laugh is just the most rewarding thing ever, Sebastian shrugs his shoulders. “Okay, let’s watch that. But maybe we should start with the first episode again. I don’t remember that much.”
“Alright,” Blaine agrees with a contented smile, handing Sebastian a plate with a slice of pizza on it that looks better than at any Italian restaurant Sebastian has been to - including in Italy.
The next few hours are heaven. Could there be anything better than hanging out with Blaine on the Andersons’ giant leather couch in front of their giant flat-screen TV, eating Blaine’s incredibly delicious homemade pizza, and laughing about ridiculous-looking werewolves together? Definitely not. Sebastian wouldn’t change a single thing, except for the two-foot space between them.
“Who’s the hottest guy on the show?” Sebastian asks when the pizza is long gone and the third episode is about to start. He’s delighted to see that Blaine is a little flustered by the question.
“Uhm...I think Stiles is cute.”
“Are you kidding me?” Sebastian snorts incredulously.
“What? I think he has really beautiful eyes,” Blaine defends his choice.
You don’t know the first thing about beautiful eyes...
“Pfff...you really have a thing for guys with a baby face, don’t you? No wonder I don’t stand a chance,” Sebastian teases. “Okay, you can have him. I’ll take Derek. That guy’s pecs’n’abs are really something. Don’t you think so?”
“I don’t know...I don’t really care about those things so much.”
“Obviously not, considering your ex. What do you care about then?”
Blaine presses his lips together, visibly uncomfortable. “It doesn’t matter. I guess we just have different tastes.”
“Derek has nothing on you though,” Sebastian quickly adds upon seeing Blaine’s expression, suspecting that he might have said something wrong. Better change the subject. “Speaking of muscles, why did you want me to bring my swim trunks?”
“Oh right!” Blaine exclaims, seemingly relieved. He briefly looks at the grandfather clock in the corner of the room, then he turns to Sebastian with a beaming smile. “How about a swim? I wouldn’t mind being in the water when the clock strikes midnight. Just one more hour!”
This is getting better and better and better...
“Sounds like a dream,” Sebastian agrees, feeling burning excitement build up in the pit of his stomach. No matter if he wants it or not, the fire of desire has been lit.
“Okay, so let’s go! Just let me get the champagne...”
When that’s done, Sebastian grabs his backpack and follows Blaine to the far eastern corner of the huge building. It seems even bigger than the Smythes’ mansion. There are old-fashioned paintings and framed photos on the walls; photos of Blaine and his good-looking half-brother, the actor, and of his pretty mom, the ex-TV reporter. There are barely any photos of his handsome dad, the ex-diplomat. Sebastian hasn’t met any of them yet, but he would like to.
Blaine takes him to a room on the ground floor that makes Sebastian feel as if they’d just entered a page in a hotel brochure. A giant pool with glistening blue water fills most of the space. There are pillars around the water, giving the room a Greek or Roman touch; Sebastian doesn’t really know the difference. Near the entrance, there’s a cozy-looking corner with two loungers.
“Wow, you have an inside pool,” Sebastian remarks, slightly impressed, even though he’d assumed as much when Blaine asked him to bring his trunks. “Not bad. I guess my parents should have looked a little longer before buying a house in Lima. We only have one outside that’s utterly useless for nine months out of twelve.”
“Yeah, having this one is pretty nice,” Blaine agrees. “We actually have another one outside,” he adds with a smile that looks almost embarrassed.
“Filthy rich kid,” Sebastian jokes.
Grinning, Blaine comments, “Says the guy who drove here in his own Mustang.”
“Do I detect jealousy in your voice?”
“Not in the slightest. I’m perfectly happy with my Japanese car. Anyways, so you did bring your swim trunks, right?”
“Yeah, but why don’t we just swim naked?” Sebastian asks with a challenging smirk.
I know you want it, too, baby...
Blaine closes his eyes and a bashful smile tugs on the corners of his mouth. “That’s probably not a good idea...”
Sebastian expected an answer like that, but Blaine’s reply is still frustrating, so he decides to continue the teasing. “You never seem to like my ideas. Why is this one not good? I have nothing to hide. Do you?”
“No, but...” Blaine sounds so uncomfortable that Sebastian backs off.
“It’s fine, I’m just messing with you.” He zips his backpack open and pulls his swim trunks out. They’re as black as his soul.
“I’m gonna take a quick shower to wash the gel out,” Blaine announces and vanishes through a sliding door to the left.
There are large windows on the opposite side of the room, but Sebastian knows they’re pointing towards the back of the house where the garden is. Nobody can look inside. He takes his clothes off and puts on his trunks, almost hoping that Blaine walks in on him while he’s naked...but he doesn’t.
For a brief moment, Sebastian checks himself. Fuck. His obsession is getting the best of him again. He’s spent most of the night looking at Blaine with his tunnel vision. He has to be more receptive...try to find out what Blaine really wants. He has to listen.
Sebastian strolls over to the steps leading into the water, dipping one foot inside the blue. The water is comfortably warm, but not too much. He’s wondering if he should already dive into it when Blaine steps out of the sliding door, and Sebastian turns towards him.
Just a second later, Sebastian has pretty much lost control over everything, and his good intentions are forgotten. He just stares as Blaine walks towards him, smiling like a young god. Oh, he does look like Michelangelo’s David. No, better even...
Water is dripping off Blaine’s wet, black hair, running down his olive skin, along the perfect shape of his toned muscles. Sebastian wants to lick each and every drop off him. No, he wants to be the water clinging to Blaine’s flawless form.
There’s just a subtle amount of hair on Blaine’s chest and an enticing, thin trail of it leading from his navel all the way down into his green swim trunks. Despite their loose cut, the wet garment is sticking to Blaine’s skin, drawing Sebastian’s attention to the contours of the alluring bulge between Blaine’s legs.
Fuck, this was a mistake. All of this. There’s no way I’ll ever get out of this alive...
Upon realizing that Sebastian’s gaze is glued to some part of him located below his face, Blaine’s smile suddenly looks bashful. “Why are you looking at me like that again? Is it because I haven’t shaved? I...uhm...Kurt always liked it better when I shaved all the hair off, but...”
Sebastian can’t suppress a laugh again. He can’t quite tell if Blaine is really feeling insecure or if he’s kidding. A guy like that just can’t be feeling insecure. “Oh my god, shut up, Blaine! Don’t you dare touch that hair! You look hot as hell! I’m trying hard to keep my dick under control, but I can’t guarantee anything.”
Blaine chuckles. It still sounds insecure, but he can only be playing with Sebastian. Anything else would be impossible to fathom. “Uhhh, it would be nice if you did that...keep it under control, I mean...”
Yeah, that’s actually really...hard. Sebastian is already aroused, feeling a bit as if he was a few years younger again, when he didn’t have much control over his erections. Blaine will probably notice it, but that’s fine. Sebastian has never hidden his attraction to him. Actually, he wants Blaine to know what he does to him.
“Guess I should take a quick shower, too,” Sebastian says, awakening himself from his trance.
“You don’t really have to. I just wanted to get rid of the gel.” Blaine grabs a yellow beach ball that’s been lying next to the loungers and throws it to Sebastian with a smile that’s no longer bashful. It’s flirty as fuck. “Let’s dive in.”
Damn, that smile. You’ve definitely seen what you’ve done to my cock. And you like it...
The water is pleasantly warm, probably too warm for serious swimming, but that’s not what they’re out to do anyway. They throw the ball back and forth for a while, and Sebastian rarely catches it because the image of Blaine throwing it is just too distracting. The way the water drops glisten on his skin like diamonds, the way his gorgeous arm muscles contract, his seductive smile...
“Wow, you really suck at this,” Blaine laughs after a while.
Sebastian has just been waiting for an opportunity like that. Pretending to be offended, he throws the ball aside and dashes towards Blaine, grabbing his shoulders and pushing him under water with his entire body weight.
Blaine is stronger than expected. His hands are all over Sebastian’s skin for a blissful second, and he finally manages to free himself, pushing Sebastian away. They surface next to each other, gasping and grinning.
“Catch me if you can!” Blaine teases, instantly speeding away from Sebastian and splashing water everywhere, including right into Sebastian’s face.
Sebastian doesn’t waste a single second, following Blaine with strong movements. It doesn’t take long until he’s caught up with Blaine near the edge of the pool. He gets hold of a wrist, forcing Blaine to stop and turn around.
Smirking, Sebastian pushes him against the pool edge. “Gotcha.”
“Oh yeah?” Blaine asks provocatively, suddenly pushing against Sebastian’s chest, diving down into the water and away from him.
He doesn’t get far. Sebastian quickly dives after him and manages to pull him out of the water again, this time pushing him against the edge of the pool from behind, trapping him with a tight grip around his wrists.
Sebastian’s chest is flush against Blaine’s back, skin on skin. His crotch is pressed up against Blaine’s perfect ass, his cock quickly hardening against it.
The desire suddenly pulsating through Sebastian’s entire body is overwhelming. He wants Blaine so badly...kiss him...be inside him. But for some reason, it’s not even just about getting off. He wants to make Blaine moan, give him everything, make him feel better than he’s ever felt before. Sebastian doesn’t usually care about that part at all. With Blaine, it’s different. Everything is different.
This time, Blaine can’t escape, and it doesn’t seem like he wants to. Sebastian’s lips brush through Blaine’s wet, deliciously scented curls towards his ear.
“I’m not drunk this time,” Sebastian whispers, “and I still want to kiss you.”
He’s lying. He’s drunk - drunk with lust, with hormones, with Blaine. Tunnel vision.
Fully certain that Blaine wants him too, he dares to do what he didn’t dare at Scandals. As he grinds his hard cock against that perfect ass, he feels Blaine’s shoulders tense against his chest.
“Sebastian...” Blaine whimpers, and Sebastian allows him to turn around.
Their faces are so close to each other that Sebastian can admire every single drop of water trapped in Blaine’s long lashes and glistening on his cheeks. There’s something unspeakable in his amber eyes. They’re huge. They’re dark. They’re full of want.
Sebastian’s craving is killing him, but he has to stay tough. He’s the one in charge now. “Yeah, Blaine?”
Blaine’s gaze briefly drops down to Sebastian’s mouth before he looks him in the eyes again. His lush, pink lips are trembling slightly, or is Sebastian just imagining that? No, this isn’t all just in his head. This is real. This is happening now.
Sebastian lowers his head, closing his eyes and closing the gap between them until his parted lips barely brush against Blaine’s. “What do you want?” Sebastian whispers, carefully enunciating each and every syllable, causing their lips to part and touch again ever so slightly. He hears Blaine’s breathing quicken, feeling the warm air from his lungs on his skin.
“I...I don’t know,” Blaine gasps.
And while Sebastian can only wonder again what’s going on inside that beautiful head, he suddenly feels the featherlight touch of their lips intensify as Blaine slowly but surely leans into him.
Sebastian isn’t moving at all; it’s all Blaine. As Blaine’s lips press against his, Sebastian finds himself unexpectedly stunned. He’s wanted this for so long. Isn’t this all he ever wanted? There’s a funny feeling in his chest and in the pit of his stomach. It feels like a tickling, as if flowers are blooming inside him, opening their petals one by one, making him feel full and warm and happy. When he finally regains something resembling control of himself, he starts to softly move against Blaine, capturing his lips and releasing them again, gently sucking Blaine’s lower lip into his mouth.
So this is what Blaine’s lips taste like. It’s amazing, it’s sublime...but Sebastian wants more, all of it. He teasingly flicks the tip of his tongue against Blaine’s upper lip, and Blaine so willingly opens his mouth to receive him...
As Sebastian slips his tongue past Blaine’s eagerly parted lips, he feels Blaine’s fingers on his hips under water, desperately digging into the fabric of his swim trunks. His own hands that had been resting on Blaine’s shoulders have moved towards Blaine’s neck, thumbs circling against the sensitive skin below his ears. Sebastian knows a thing or two about erogenous zones, and the corners of his lips curl into a smile when Blaine softly moans into their kiss.
It’s the sweetest sound he’s ever heard. It’s all he ever wants to hear...
While their hot, swollen lips and their wet, entwined tongues are moving with each other, Sebastian’s right hand starts to explore Blaine’s body, mapping every inch of his chest and abs, moving to his back until it’s resting on his incredible ass.
Sebastian’s hunger for Blaine’s body is stronger than ever. It’s all he can think about now. Sebastian presses his crotch forward, grinding up against Blaine’s, and just for a second, there’s no more than two thin layers of wet fabric between them.
But all of a sudden, Blaine pulls away from the kiss, away from Sebastian’s grip, averting his face. His breathing is elevated, and his expression unreadable.
Bewildered, Sebastian finds himself somewhere at a junction between mesmerization and confusion. “What’s wrong?”
“I...I’m sorry, I just can’t do this,” Blaine mutters in a shaky voice. “If we wanna be friends again, we can’t...we shouldn’t be doing this.”
“Why? Don’t you want to?” Sebastian asks, pretty much aghast.
“Yes...no...I mean...I can’t.” Blaine finally gazes up at Sebastian again. He looks as if Sebastian had punched him instead of kissed him. As if he’d slushied him all over again.
But that’s not what Sebastian just did. He just kissed Blaine like he’d never kissed anyone before...with feelings he’s never had before.
Frustration is welling up inside him, and he knows it will inevitably turn into rage. He wants to violently smash his fist into the water, yell at Blaine, and let him know that he can’t treat Sebastian Smythe like this, but somehow he manages to keep his temper under control, remembering that this is Blaine in front of him.
Blaine is hurt. He needs Sebastian to listen. But although Sebastian has finally snapped out of his tunnel vision, he needs answers now.
“Why are you still saying that? Hummel’s out of the picture! I don’t get it!” Sebastian hates how whiny his own voice sounds, but that’s something he can’t control right now. He’s infinitely disappointed. Again. “The way you danced with me at Scandals...flirty as fuck! You ditched your friends to invite me to your home tonight. You made a playlist for me that basically screams ‘I secretly want you!’ Why, Blaine? What the hell am I supposed to think about all that?” Only after the words have left his mouth does Sebastian realize that he might have sounded a little too desperate. But that’s what he is, after all.
Blaine looks crestfallen. “I’m really sorry, Sebastian...”
“‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t answer any of my questions!” Sebastian snaps sharply. He realizes that his frustration is getting the better of him again. He needs to calm down. A fight with Blaine is the last thing he wants, especially not on New Year’s Eve. Especially not after their first and possibly only kiss. “Look, I just wanna know what’s going on here. You just kissed me first.”
Blaine inhales deeply before he unexpectedly chuckles. It sounds like a bitter hiss. “Yeah, that was probably dumb, wasn’t it?”
“Why? I wanted it, and you wanted it too. Don’t tell me you didn’t think this might happen when you invited me here.”
Blaine closes his eyes and sighs again before locking his gaze with Sebastian’s. He looks just as desperate as Sebastian is feeling inside. “Okay, yeah. You’re right. I thought this might happen. I also thought I wanted this to happen because I...I regret not kissing you at Scandals.”
Sebastian is worried his heart might stop beating any minute. “Wha-...so what’s wrong now?”
“Everything is,” Blaine says with a steadier voice now. “Look...I haven’t been well. My mom even wanted to convince me to see a therapist. She thinks my behavior is self-destructive, and I think I finally get what she means.”
“Self-destructive? What part about kissing me is self-destructive?” Sebastian asks in an incredulous tone. He can’t believe his ears.
Blaine’s huge, amber eyes have become glassy. “Sebastian...I know you want this, and part of me wants it too, but...you and I...I think we want very different things, and letting this go any further would fuck me up even more. I’m just not the kinda guy who can handle being friends with benefits.”
Sebastian doesn’t manage to suppress a brief, slightly contemptuous laugh. It’s supposed to hide the fact that his disappointment has just multiplied, and he feels like he wants to dive down into the water and never resurface. “Oh, please! Why are you being so dramatic? It’s just a kiss. And even if we ended up doing more than that...it would be fun, take the edge off.”
“Yeah, but...”
“But what?” Sebastian interrupts him impatiently, reproach ringing in his voice. “You even did it with some random guy!”
Blaine’s jaw drops and he stares at him with an incredulous, hurt look, as if Sebastian had just slapped him in the face. “And I told you there’s nothing I regret more in my life!” he spits angrily. Shaking his head in disgust, Blaine swims towards the steps and climbs out of the pool. With brisk steps and a fierce expression, he walks over to the loungers, dropping himself down on one, burying his face in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees.
Sebastian’s thoughts are going haywire. He doesn’t really know how to react. He tries to breathe, but breathing is harder than usual. He can’t help but feel that he’s messing this up again, but isn’t Blaine actually the one doing that this time?
Eventually, he swims to the edge of the pool, lifts himself out of the water, and walks over to Blaine, sitting down opposite of him on the other lounger. He feels the cooling water trickle down his back as he watches Blaine, utterly helpless. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
After a long silence, Blaine finally lifts his head again to face Sebastian. “Look, if I learned anything from the mess I made, it’s that sex without feelings isn’t for me. Call me old-fashioned, but that’s just what it is. Anything else is just bad for me. It may be fun for a moment, but I feel horrible afterwards. That’s why doing it would be self-destructive. So please...if you wanna be friends with me, you have to stop trying to get physical, okay?” Suddenly, there’s a sad smile on Blaine’s lips. “And I could actually really use a friend right now.”
“Okay,” Sebastian mutters. Something’s telling him that Blaine’s last sentence is one he should be paying attention to, but he’s still busy being shattered by the first part.
Sex without feelings...without feelings... So Blaine doesn’t have feelings for Sebastian after all. The tingling in Sebastian’s stomach from earlier feels like a stabbing wound now. Blaine has turned the blade around a couple of times, making sure he’ll bleed out properly. Kissing him, then telling him off. Slamming the fucking door shut on everything Sebastian has ever wanted. How could he do that to him?
Now it’s Sebastian who buries his face in his hands. His eyes are suddenly burning. It’s probably the fucking pool water.
Then he hears Blaine’s voice again, soft, low, and hesitant. “Friends with benefits...that’s all you want, right?”
It’s as if Blaine has just opened the door again, cautiously peeking through a tiny crack. Wait a minute... Blaine didn’t actually say he doesn’t have any feelings for Sebastian. Maybe he’s assuming Sebastian doesn’t have feelings for him...
But Sebastian doesn’t have an answer for Blaine. What does he want? He wants Blaine, really badly even - that part is clear. But what about feelings? Feelings are not his thing. And he knows Blaine is obsessed with labels and commitments, while Sebastian resents them. Blaine is right, they’re not a good fit. Yet that boy is still all he can think of...
Sebastian lifts his head to look at Blaine again and replies truthfully...by shrugging his shoulders.
“Okay,” Blaine mumbles. It’s no more than a gasp - a sigh of relief, or frustration, or whatever. The door is closed again. “I’m sorry, I should’ve known,” Blaine adds in a voice that sounds a little rougher than usual. “You were always perfectly clear about what you wanted. Remember when I said I could imagine being with Kurt forever?” He releases a bitter chuckle. “You said I was crazy, and that you wouldn’t mind being with a different guy every day for the rest of your life. I shouldn’t have assumed that...ugh, forget it. I think I need some champagne,” he announces, grabs the bottle and opens it with skillful hands.
Sebastian needs to get drunk again, too - quickly. Sadly, the champagne won’t be enough to really get him wasted, but he’ll take what he gets. He’s glad when Blaine finally hands him a glass, clinking his glass against it.
“To being friends without benefits,” Sebastian says with a smirk that’s hiding away his burgeoning feelings like the lid of a coffin. Even before the alcohol hits, he’s feeling increasingly numb. It must be some protective reflex in his brain, and he’s thankful for it.
“To being friends,” Blaine repeats the first part of Sebastian’s toast and hastily throws down the entire glass.
They lie down on the loungers and don’t talk much until the bottle is empty. That’s when things finally start to get lighter again. Blaine’s hair has dried by now, and Sebastian gets to see his curls for the very first time. It’s like a revelation.
“You look like an angel,” Sebastian gushes, buzzed as he is. It’s hard to believe that Blaine is real. Right there, next to him, semi-nude. He’s so freaking gorgeous.
Blaine’s cheeks are rosy, possibly not just from the alcohol. “You’re being mean...”
“I’m not! You look absolutely stunning! You can’t deprive the world of these curls...they’re so beautiful!”
“They’re awful...”
“You’re awful! You’re evil, Blaine.” Maybe it doesn’t make sense, but Sebastian just had to say it out loud at some point. Blaine has to be evil, at least partly, otherwise he wouldn’t be making Sebastian feel shitty over and over again.
“What? Why?” Blaine laughs, scrunching up his nose again. He also does it when Sebastian says something ridiculous. Just adorable.
“That playlist. You acted like it was a Christmas present, but it felt more like homework. You know, I tried to understand it,” Sebastian confesses.
“Oh.” Blaine raises his triangular eyebrows in surprise. He remains silent for a moment, looking like he’s mulling something over in his head. His cheeks are still rosy. “Thank you,” he finally says in his velvety voice. “Those songs mean a lot to me. I thought you might like them, too.”
“I do.”
“Do you have a favorite?”
“Definitely. Soul Meets Body. Or...no, Home. Actually, maybe it’s Forever Young, even though it’s kind of a bummer.”
“It’s beautiful. But whenever I listen to it, it makes me wonder if I’m just wasting my time,” Blaine says, longingly gazing at the sparkling liquid in his glass as if it bears the answers to all his questions somewhere in its tiny bubbles.
“Wasting it how?”
“Looking for something that doesn’t really exist...” Blaine’s thoughts seem to trail off for a moment, before he suddenly sits up on the lounger with a mildly shocked expression. “What time is it?”
There’s a clock above the door, which they’ve completely ignored so far. It’s 0:37 A.M.
“Oh shit!” Sebastian curses, laughing. “Happy New Year!”
As they clink their almost empty glasses together again, Blaine beams at him like the sun. “Happy New Year! Wow, it’s 2013 already. Oh well, 2012 kinda sucked, but this year will be so much better than the last! I can feel it!”
“So much better,” Sebastian agrees. Except that the start of that New Year was exactly the opposite of what he’d thought it would be like. He’s just been friendzoned by the hottest boy he’s ever laid eyes on. It’s a disaster of unimaginable proportions.
“What did we do at midnight?” Blaine asks.
“Maybe we were kissing,” Sebastian says with a grin, trying to cover up his wrecked emotions again. “That was awesome. Can’t we at least do that again some time? I promise to keep my hands behind my back.”
Blaine gives him a scrutinizing look. “Funny, I didn’t take you for a guy who’s obsessed with kissing.”
“I’m not. I’m just obsessed with you.”
That’s Sebastian’s whole truth, and he’s just said it, just like that. No playlist, no secret messages. He’s said it, and there’s nothing more he can do.
A warm yet sad smile forms on Blaine’s lips. He wants something different. Obsession is not enough for him...so Sebastian will have to get over it.
They talk more, like the friends they are now, and they open another bottle. It’s fun, but when Blaine suggests that he can crash at his place, Sebastian declines. It would have been too much of a temptation...or torture. They’ll see each other again in Westerville in a couple of days anyway.
The first thing Sebastian does when he gets home is turn on Blaine’s music on shuffle mode. The intro to Beirut’s Port Of Call is already so familiar. It’s so Blaine. But then he pays attention to the last lines that he has kind of ignored so far.
“I don’t want to follow your light on the sea...”
That’s when it clicks. It’s been in some of the songs all along. Sebastian had just decided to disregard the lines that didn’t fit his interpretation...the ones telling him that Blaine doesn’t want what he wants.
Does Sebastian even know what he wants? He’s lying on his bed, his face buried in his pillow.
“We haven’t changed...we’re not the same.”
The lyrics of the Tanlines song make a lot more sense now, too. Sebastian had hoped that Blaine would be open to something casual, but he’s not. And Blaine might have hoped that Sebastian was ready for something serious, but he’s not. Neither of them has changed. They’re still not the same.
And then LCD Soundsystem’s Home hits Sebastian like a punch to his solar plexus.
“No one opens up when you scream and shout
But it’s time to make a couple things clear
If you’re afraid of what you need
If you’re afraid of what you need
Look around you, you’re surrounded
It won’t get any better”
Blaine will be back at Dalton. He will be right there. And he obviously likes Sebastian in some way. It really couldn’t be better. They could have something...something that Sebastian is apparently afraid of.
It’s almost laughable. He’s been psychoanalyzing Blaine for days, but maybe Blaine knows things about Sebastian that he hasn’t even been aware of himself. “You’re afraid of what you need...”
He thinks back to the feeling he had when he watched Blaine in the kitchen. When they were having dinner together in front of the TV. The weird, intense feeling he had when they kissed. It was so good. He wants more of it all, maybe he even needs it, but...
But what is it that he wants? He’s been so sure he doesn’t want a relationship, like ever, because that stuff is just messy. He doesn’t need his parents’ quarrels. And falling in l-...he doesn’t even wanna think the word because it’s so appalling. Isn’t it just some pipe dream that people like Blaine desperately chase after until they’re old, sad, and lonely?
Sebastian doesn’t want any of that. And he doesn’t want to have feelings he can’t control...that make him vulnerable. It’s bad enough that his dick takes control of his brain every now and then. No, he doesn’t want to fall in love.
It’s just an obsession, he tells himself. But what if it is more than that? What if it’s already too late?
All of a sudden, his phone buzzes. He lifts his head just enough that he can read the message with one eye.
[03:54] Did you get home safely? I’m a bit worried because you haven’t messaged me yet. Maybe you’re already asleep... Sweet dreams! xx
Sebastian buries his face in the pillow again. The awful, funny feeling in the pit of his stomach is back. Forever Young is playing, exacerbating it even more intensely.
Blaine. Blaine. Blaine. Blaine. Blaine.
Sebastian hears his name in every single one of his heartbeats. He sees Blaine’s face whenever he closes his eyes. He desperately wants it to stop, but it’s too late. He’s already lost the ground under his feet. For the first time in his life, he’s falling...
It’s 4 A.M. and tears silently seep into his pillow. He’s tired, that’s all.
Chapter 5: Friends w/o Benefits
Chapter Text
Sebastian spends the first day of 2013 in bed, feeling sick. He’s not really sick, at least not physically. But what’s happening inside him feels like a disease because he can’t do anything to stop it, and his useless immune system isn’t any help either.
At the end of the day, whatever he feels for Blaine probably just comes down to chemicals too. Why hasn’t anyone developed a cure for that yet?
Sebastian has never felt more sorry for himself. He basically feels used. Blaine invited him to his home, more or less assuming that something might happen between the two, just to finally ask Sebastian something so incredibly unfair:
“Friends with benefits...that’s all you want, right?”
What a question. How can Blaine just ask something like that and expect an actual answer? What did he want to hear? “No, I actually want to marry you, have ten kids, and live happily ever after?” It’s simply unfair because Blaine even said he knew what Sebastian wanted. Putting him on the spot like that was just cruel.
Sebastian is still a little mad at him about that, but above all he’s worried. Blaine hasn’t texted him after that night. What if Sebastian accidentally hurt him somehow? Maybe Blaine misinterpreted his reaction to said question. But what other response was Sebastian supposed to come up with other than shrugging his shoulders? It’s not that he doesn’t care. He just doesn’t know. It should also be noted that he didn’t answer “yes” because...that wouldn’t have been entirely true either.
On January 4, Sebastian’s parents return from New York. Apparently, their trip hasn’t fixed anything. The first thing he hears once they have arrived is his mother yelling at his dad. The usual accusations.
It hadn’t been as bad when they still lived in Paris. She was happy there, but Sebastian’s dad...not so much.
Here’s the thing: Relationships require compromises. Those compromises can be small, like agreeing on what to make for dinner, or which movie to watch together. But sometimes, those compromises are huge, and they might demand you to leave your home and your family behind.
Sebastian’s parents had met in New York; that’s why they keep going back there, trying to rekindle that old flame. His father had been a law student from Ohio, his mother an exchange student from France, taking classes in Psychology. They both loved New York; Sebastian was born there. But his mother’s homesickness eventually required his father to compromise. And now that Sebastian’s grandparents in Lima aren’t doing so well anymore, his mother has to compromise for his father. All for love. Except that neither of them seems happy.
Sebastian’s grandmère Bernadette had once told him that love is nothing more than a trick of nature to ensure that the human race doesn’t cease to exist. She might have said it jokingly, but there’s always some truth to things that are said jokingly. Sebastian trusts his grandmother. She’s smart, even has a PhD in Physics. How many others can say that about their grandma?
Love sounds like a fucking trap; like an addiction that makes you lose your own will. Sebastian thinks he’s inherited some of his grandmother’s smarts, and he considers himself too clever to fall for that ploy. Staying away from it seems to be the smart choice...if only that was so easy. Thinking about that, he gets kind of angry at Blaine again.
On Sunday morning, Sebastian reluctantly packs his things together. He has to go back to school in the afternoon. Usually, he looks forward to returning to Dalton after a break, but this time, everything will be different. Blaine will be there too. Part of Sebastian can’t wait to see him. The other part wants to run far, far away...
Last night, he promised his parents he’d join them for breakfast, and he hopes that it will distract him a bit from his confusing thoughts. When Sebastian enters the kitchen, Martine Smythe is rushing around hectically, setting the table.
“‘Morning,” she greets him a little less warmly than he’s used to. “Have you seen your father? He said he’d make chocolate pancakes for you on your last day here, but now he’s nowhere to be seen.”
“I think he’s in the bathroom,” Sebastian mumbles listlessly. He’s not in the mood to witness yet another argument. “I’ll be fine without pancakes.”
“At least he finally got his ass out of bed,” Martine comments drily before she leaves the room, and Sebastian hears her shouting, “Leonard! For fuck’s sake, we agreed we’d have breakfast before noon for a change!”
Sebastian sits down at the table, rolling his eyes. “Why don’t you just get a divorce?” he asks when his mother returns to the kitchen.
Martine throws him a withering look. Her piercing eyes are of a deep green color, just like Sebastian’s. “We may have our differences, but we’re far from getting a divorce. You know that.”
“Why? You fight all the time.”
“A marriage isn’t just sunshine and roses. I told you that. It can be a lot of work, but it’s worth it,” Martine explains in a surprisingly cheerful tone while pouring herself and her son a cup of coffee.
“Ha, really?” Sebastian snorts sarcastically.
“All relationships are. I’m sure you will learn that soon enough.”
“Definitely won’t,” he snaps defiantly.
Sighing, Martine shakes her head, almost as if she was pitying Sebastian. “Fear of commitment at the age of eighteen is normal, honey. But don’t worry, you’ll...”
“Shut up, mom!” Sebastian cuts in, anger boiling up inside him. Relationships are the last thing he wants to talk to her about.
“Watch your language, young man,” Leonard Smythe commands in his deep, calm voice as he enters the kitchen. “Please don’t talk to your mother like that.”
“There you are,” Martine remarks, rolling her eyes, just like Sebastian did a minute ago. He got it from her. Although she still seems slightly annoyed with her husband, her face lights up when he presses a brief but affectionate kiss on her lips.
“What’s the rush, chérie? Sebastian doesn’t have to leave until the afternoon,” Leonard comments, putting on an apron and gathering the utensils to make pancakes.
“I’d like us to take our time and eat in peace for once. All of us together. Who knows when we’ll have the opportunity again? We already missed out on a lot of family time because Bas didn’t want to join us in New York,” she explains with another sigh, sitting down on a chair opposite Sebastian, finally smiling at him. She’s not upset about his rude choice of words. She never is - he got that from her too.
“What’s wrong, honey? You don’t look so well,” Martine asks after observing Sebastian for a while. “You’re not coming down with a cold now, are you?”
“Naahh...I’m fine,” Sebastian replies, still sounding peeved.
Leonard turns around to face them while continuing to mix the pancake batter in the bowl in his hands. “I’m not the psychologist in this room, but that face looks more like a symptom of heartache to me. Did Blaine turn you down on New Year’s Eve?”
Sebastian’s jaw drops in utter outrage. “What the fuck? No!” he spits out.
Baffled, his mother looks back and forth between Sebastian and his father. “You were with Blaine on New Year’s?”
“I told you that’s the only possible reason why he didn’t want to come to New York with us,” Leonard says before he’s interrupted by his son.
“I wasn’t with Blaine!”
“I’m sure you had a lot to talk about, now that he’ll be back at Dalton. But you really don’t look like the outcome was satisfactory,” Leonard muses as he melts some butter in a pan.
Sebastian really likes his parents (first and foremost individually, not so much as a couple), but he instantly regrets telling them about Blaine’s return to Dalton. The damn Slushie incident is the only reason why they know about him at all. If that hadn’t happened, Sebastian would’ve never mentioned Blaine in their presence because they’re dorks. They always act like having a boyfriend is some kind of accomplishment they want him to achieve. This time, he decides to keep quiet and ignore them, which turns out to be harder than expected.
Martine looks at him with a mixture of empathy and pity that makes Sebastian feel low-key furious. “Blaine sounds like such a nice guy. I hope you can patch things up at Dalton. But he seems to be a bit delicate, so please be nice, mon chou. We really don’t wanna have to deal with Todd Anderson’s lawyer again. By the way, I think that man would be an awful father-in-law.”
“Geeeez!” Sebastian finally explodes. “You guys would be the worst parents-in-law, seriously! Why can’t you just mind your own business? As if you didn’t already have enough shit going on! I thought this was supposed to be a simple family breakfast and not a fucking interrogation about my personal life that has nothing to do with you!”
“Sébastien,” Martine hushes him. She always uses the French version of his name when she wants to get to him. As if it was some magical word that would open him up. Well, it doesn’t. “As your parents, we worry a great deal about you. I assume you don’t talk with anyone about your feelings, and that’s not healthy. You should talk to us. Or at least to me. There are techniques to deal with-...”
“Mom, I’m not your client!”
“Okay, enough!” Leonard finally ends the discussion. “If he doesn’t want to talk about it, it’s fine. He’ll get there.”
Sebastian has never been looking forward to leaving Lima more than at that moment. He’ll probably never forgive his parents for inflicting such torture on him. Leonard’s pancakes taste heavenly, just like they always do, but Sebastian’s mood is ruined. It doesn’t help that his parents suddenly communicate with each other like decent human beings while they eat, laughing together, almost flirtatiously. It’s as if they have ganged up against him.
After breakfast, or rather lunch, Sebastian flees back to his room. He just can’t stand to be around his parents anymore. Sometimes it’s a relief that they can read him so well, but today it’s just aggravating.
While Sebastian contemplates whether he should simply leave earlier than planned, his phone that he’d carelessly thrown onto his bed suddenly starts to vibrate. He approaches it hesitantly as if it was some dubious insect sitting on his blanket.
The letter B is glowing on the screen again, and Sebastian’s heart starts pumping blood through him at a rate so fast and forceful, it must be unhealthy.
With a swift motion, as if his phone could run away from him if he wasn’t fast enough, he picks up the device and holds it to his ear.
“Hi,” Sebastian says breathlessly.
“Hey,” Blaine replies, sounding unfamiliarly stressed out. “I’m really sorry for bugging you. I just...ugh...my car won’t start. It’s probably just the battery, but I can’t get it fixed quickly enough with it being a Sunday. I wanted to ask if you can maybe give me a lift...or are you already on your way to Westerville?”
“Uh, sure,” Sebastian mutters. He feels like he hasn’t even really understood what Blaine just asked him. His body is on auto-pilot. Yet he manages to say, “I can pick you up. I was gonna leave in an hour. Does that sound alright to you?”
“That’s perfect! Thank you so much!”
“Don’t mention it. See you soon.”
After hanging up, Sebastian closes his eyes. He’s feeling a little like he’s floating. As if he was high... yeah, right. He should stop thinking about that whole thing as an obsession. It’s a fucking addiction. Hearing Blaine’s voice feels so good. It’s what a fix must feel like. He’s really in deep trouble. For a second, he thinks about calling grandmère Bernadette and asking her for help. But she’d probably be just as silly about it as his parents.
Even though they’re silly, Sebastian wants to make up with his parents before he leaves. He’s feeling pretty great now that he’s had his Blaine fix, especially knowing he’ll get another one very soon. He’s in the mood for making peace, not war.
Sebastian actually manages to have a decent conversation with them before kissing his mother and hugging his father goodbye. Then he takes his bags and walks over to his Mustang that’s parked in the driveway. Luckily, there hasn’t been any new snow, so he doesn’t lose any time on such tedious things before he can see Blaine again.
As Sebastian drives to the Andersons’ mansion, the inner turmoil he’d felt after New Year’s Eve is suddenly boiling up again, drowning out his excitement. What if Blaine is hurt? He still hasn’t texted him again, and he only called because he needed a ride. Aren’t they supposed to be friends now?
When Sebastian stops the car in front of the enormous house, he sees Blaine hugging and kissing his mother outside the front door. His father is nowhere to be seen.
Blaine’s hair is neatly gelled, and just like Sebastian, he’s wearing his Dalton uniform since the school requires it on any arrival day. Sebastian has seen him wearing the uniform in photos and videos before, but now he looks even more perfect. Nobody wears that uniform better than this particular Warbler.
As Blaine walks down the path towards him, Pam Anderson waves at Sebastian with a friendly smile on her face. She’s really pretty, just like her son. Apparently, Blaine hasn’t told her who’s picking him up...that he’s the Slushie attacker. Otherwise she certainly wouldn’t be looking so happy to see him.
Sebastian doesn’t personally know Blaine’s parents, but the Smythes had received quite a few calls and letters from Todd Anderson and his lawyer after the incident. Leonard Smythe had to pull a couple of strings to make the whole thing go away, even though Blaine had repeatedly tried to convince his father that he didn’t want to take revenge on Sebastian...
Eventually, Sebastian is torn out of his sombre reveries when Blaine reaches the car. He quickly pushes the button to open the trunk so Blaine can load in his bags.
“Heeeyyy...Killer,” Sebastian drawls as Blaine climbs into the car and closes the passenger door. He’s feeling pretty awkward now.
“Hey,” Blaine says with a smile that’s a bit more reserved than during their last encounters. “I’m so sorry for this. These things always happen when you least need them to.”
“It’s no biggie. Carpooling is better for the environment anyway.”
“That’s true...and it’s not like I really need my car in Westerville,” Blaine agrees with a sigh, looking a little more comfortable now.
They talk about this and that until Sebastian pulls onto the highway and they both turn quiet. Now that there’s no alcohol involved, the silence feels heavy, thickening the air. It doesn’t help that Blaine’s playlist is playing.
Sebastian feels a slow panic rising up inside him. Blaine might hate him now. Maybe he doesn’t even want to be friends without benefits anymore because Sebastian was so incredibly dumb the last time they’d seen each other. It wasn’t the first time he’d fucked up after all. Suddenly, he feels the desperate urge to fix things somehow.
“Blaine, uuhm...listen,” Sebastian finally stammers, turning the music down a bit. “I want to apologize.” He can feel Blaine’s attentive gaze on him, but keeps his eyes on the road. “I was totally out of line on New Year’s Eve. On several occasions. I’m really sorry about that.”
His eyes briefly flicker over to Blaine who looks mildly shocked.
“Oh,” Blaine mouths. After a short pause for reflection, he says, “I think we just had a massive misunderstanding. And it was my own fault, I shouldn’t have...”
“No, it was not your fault,” Sebastian insists. “I was pushy and I’m sorry for that. It’s another thing I regret and that I’ll have to live with.”
Blaine’s big hazel eyes are wide open with surprise. “Uhmmm...okay. Thank you for saying that.”
“Don’t thank me all the time, Blaine. You should probably punch me in the face sometimes instead.”
An unexpectedly cheeky smile crosses Blaine’s face. “Yeah, I’m not gonna do that. You shouldn’t underestimate my right hook.”
“Your right hook? I thought you were left-handed,” Sebastian comments, knitting his eyebrows in confusion. “Why do you wear your watch on the right wrist then?”
“Because it’s more practical. It doesn’t make sense to wear your watch on the left wrist if you do everything with your right hand and look at it much more often.”
“Legit,” Sebastian admits with a grin. He doesn’t feel so tense anymore, but... “There’s one more thing I wanna say about New Year’s Eve. About what you asked me. I think you’re hot as hell, but that’s not why I like you. I really care about you, Blaine...I don’t think I was very clear about that. Actually, I’m afraid I might have given you the impression that I don’t care about you at all. That was fucked up. I’m sorry for that too.”
Blaine doesn’t answer immediately, so Sebastian feels the need to look at him. His eyes linger on Blaine for way longer than they should while driving a car. But Sebastian just can’t look away from him and his rosy cheeks.
“I care about you, too,” Blaine finally responds, “and I’ve been thinking about how much it sucks that we don’t want the same thing. I guess we’re very different in some ways. But that’s not necessarily bad. On the contrary, I think it’s great if friends aren’t so similar. Do you know what my favorite line in Forever Young is?”
“Huh?”
“Some are like water, some are like the heat; some are a melody and some are the beat... To me, it basically means that people who are different can complement each other and even be stronger together than apart...be something more meaningful, just like a melody and a beat can make a song together. Maybe that sounds cheesy, but I really missed our friendship, and I’m so glad we get this second chance now.”
Sebastian’s stupid pulse is out of control again. He’s not even exactly sure what Blaine is trying to say with that overly sentimental statement, but it has hit him deeply, like one of Cupid’s arrows right into his heart. Why does that boy always have to be so corny, and dreamy, and beautiful? Sebastian simply hates how much he loves that about Blaine.
“So...are we good now?” Sebastian asks hesitantly.
“Yeah. We’re good,” Blaine confirms with a tender smile on his face. Then he lapses into an awkward silence yet again.
“Are you alright?” Sebastian inquires after a few minutes.
“Yeah, I think I’m just anxious,” Blaine confides.
“About what?”
“Going back to Dalton.”
Sebastian hadn’t really anticipated hearing that. “Aren’t you looking forward to it?”
“I am...but I honestly don’t know what to expect. It’s not gonna be the way it used to be...before I left.”
Sebastian’s heart suddenly sinks. He had no idea Blaine was feeling uncomfortable about his return. “You mean because of Hunter? Don’t worry, I’ll keep him in check for you. Let me know if he does anything stupid.”
“Because of everyone.”
With a puzzled look, Sebastian turns to face Blaine again. “What do you mean?”
Then the words pour out of Blaine’s mouth. “Before I left Dalton, I was really worried that some of the Warblers might feel betrayed, and I think I was right about that. I stayed in touch with Nick and David, but I was kicked out of the group chat, and I think most of them still haven’t forgiven me for leaving. I mean...okay, this might come out the wrong way; I’m really not mad at you anymore...but you’re not the only one responsible for the whole Slushie mishap. The others had agreed with that idea. And it doesn’t even matter who was supposed to be hit with it, or who threw it...they shouldn’t have been okay with the plan.”
Sebastian immediately feels sick to his stomach. Of course. That topic would always return to him like a boomerang, and he knows he deserves it. “I was their captain, they just did what I told them to do.”
“That’s no excuse. You don’t just simply do what others tell you to do. They have their own brains. Honestly, I think they should’ve tried stopping you - for everybody’s sake. It really felt like they didn’t care about me anymore. Even Nick and David. They apologized to me too, but...ugh, never mind. I guess I’m just scared that I’ll always be a traitor to them...or a dumb sucker, or whatever. And my friends from McKinley probably secretly hate me now too. I almost feel like I have nobody left.”
“I could actually really use a friend right now,” Blaine had said on New Year’s Eve. And Sebastian had just ignored it, thinking that it was just some figure of speech, considering that someone like Blaine must have countless friends...
“My mom said changing schools again might make me feel even worse,” Blaine continues. “My parents only agreed to the transfer because they’d never really wanted me to leave Dalton in the first place. But now I think my mom was right. Maybe it was a stupid idea.”
Sebastian is desperately trying to reorder his jumbled thoughts. He needs to cheer Blaine up immediately because he’s just so wrong. How can a guy like him think that nobody likes him anymore?
“Blaine...I swear, everyone is looking forward to having you back at Dalton. The Warblers freakin’ love you.”
“Thanks for saying that, but...”
“I’m not kidding! I’m not supposed to say anything, but I feel like you need to hear it now. They’re planning a surprise party for you. Tonight.”
“Oh...” Blaine sinks deeper into the passenger seat, clearly embarrassed.
Taking his eyes off the highway yet again, Sebastian smiles at Blaine warmly. “Everybody’s really excited for you to return. And even though I think there’s absolutely no need to worry...if anyone looks at you the wrong way, please tell me. I got your back.”
Blaine takes a deep breath of relief, finally smiling again. “Thank you, Bas. That really makes me feel a lot better. You’re the best.”
“I seriously doubt that,” Sebastian smirks. “Just trying hard to find the right beat to your melody.”
Blaine’s look of surprise is adorable at first, but then it turns into a downright flirtatious smile that causes shivers to course down Sebastian’s spine.
Fuck.
Sebastian has no idea how he’s supposed to survive the next five months while that boy is orbiting around him.
“Please don’t forget to act surprised,” Sebastian says as he’s walking Blaine through Dalton’s venerable halls towards the Warblers’ common room after dinner.
Just a few hours earlier, Blaine had moved into the room next to Nick’s. Now he lives only two doors down from Sebastian, only Nick’s room separating them, and they even have to share the same bathroom. Sebastian is secretly pretty stoked about that. He’s curious about what it feels like to brush his teeth next to Blaine...he’ll probably find out soon enough.
“No worries. Acting has really become my thing,” Blaine assures him, grinning like a Cheshire cat. He finally looks like he’s excited about being back at Dalton. “Wait, what’s the official reason why you’re leading me to the room?”
“I want to show you the new grand piano that’s always in the way when we practice our choreography.”
“Oh, right,” Blaine says with a conspiratorial smile.
Sebastian suddenly feels a desperate urge. He really, really wants to kiss him again.
“I regret not kissing you at Scandals,” Blaine had said that night.
Fuck, why does everything have to be so messed up???
Just like that, Blaine’s smile has hauled Sebastian into crisis mode again. He’s glad when they finally reach the senior commons and the heavy wooden door leading to the Warblers’ room.
“Ready?” Sebastian asks, and he doesn’t even know if he’s asking Blaine or himself. From now on, he’ll have to share Blaine with all the other guys again. They’re just friends, just like everyone else in that room.
Upon seeing Blaine nodding, Sebastian pushes the two wings of the door open. When they step into the room, they are greeted by fourteen Warblers, already standing in formation. Nick is the one who sings the first few lines of Hello, Goodbye by The Beatles, and the others join in shortly after.
Sebastian begrudgingly jogs over to join the group and sing along with them. Personally, he could’ve thought of a thousand better songs to welcome Blaine back to Dalton, but it’s not like he has any say anymore.
Yet Blaine seems to thoroughly enjoy the performance, and not half a minute into the song, he can’t hold himself back anymore. He accompanies the Warblers, singing and dancing with them. It’s as if he’d never been gone.
“Welcome back, buddy!” Nick blurts afterwards, throwing his arms around Blaine’s neck, and a few others follow suit.
David and Trent had brought a few drinks and snacks, and Jeff had prepared a huge, self-made “WELCOME BACK, BLAINE!” banner, on which he’d drawn a few singing birds (that look an awful lot like hedgehogs).
Initially, Sebastian feels slightly awkward when Blaine talks to all the other guys. Having to share him again is weird; it feels downright wrong. Nick distracts him a bit, trying to elicit some information about what happened in Lima during the break, but Sebastian is not going to spill a single word. He knows what Warbler gossip can be like.
Luckily, it doesn’t take long until Blaine’s gaze finds Sebastian’s, and he invites him over with a nod of his head. He’s talking to Trent, Hunter, and Thad, apparently telling them about McKinley.
“You were elected Student Council President and the Glee Club’s ‘New Rachel’? Seems like they really liked you there. And you still decided to leave that school? Wow,” Trent gushes. “Sounds like you made a huge sacrifice for the Warblers.”
Blaine seems to be more embarrassed than flattered by Trent’s words of admiration. “Uhm...well...you know. I did it for the Warblers, but also...for myself.”
Hunter emits a pretentious chuckle. “Obviously. Who needs public high school fame if you could win Nationals with the Warblers instead?”
“That’s not exactly what I meant,” Blaine tries to clarify.
“You missed Dalton?” Trent guesses, earning a nod and a thankful smile from Blaine. “I knew it! We missed you too!”
“Are you gonna burst into tears again now?” Hunter teases Trent with a disdainful look.
Sebastian isn’t too pleased with Hunter’s tone. He needs harmony now that Blaine is finally a member of the Warblers again. “Would you stop picking on Trent?” he hisses.
Hunter throws him a suspicious look. “Look who’s suddenly acting like a knight on a white charger. Didn’t you use to pick on him too?”
“I did not-...that was a long time ago.”
“That’s true,” Trent whispers to Blaine, but loud enough for Sebastian to hear. “Sebastian doesn’t do it anymore. He’s changed a lot.”
Blaine’s eyes meet Sebastian’s again, smiling another one of his dizzying smiles.
Their glances don’t go unnoticed by Hunter, who rolls his eyes. “Alright ladies. Seems like estrogen levels are peaking around here, and I’m feeling a little out of place. I’m gonna go, got stuff to do. Good to have you back, Blaine. ‘Night, everyone.”
When Hunter is gone, Trent retorts with a pout, “God, I wish we had something on him to finally report him to the Principal. Did that count as a homophobic offense?”
“Barely. He was referring to all of us, not just Blaine and me,” Sebastian snorts. “And he didn’t mean it like that, he’s just...”
“A total dick?” Thad chimes in. “Why do you like him so much? You know that he could have destroyed the Warblers.”
“I don’t like him. I just think he pretty much saved the Warblers by bringing Blaine back,” Sebastian argues. He’s actually quite grateful to Hunter.
“Guys, please,” Blaine tries to appease them. “Can we postpone the fighting until tomorrow’s Warblers’ meeting?”
“Damn, Blaine. I really missed you too,” Thad says with a chuckle, patting his shoulder. “Our voice of reason is finally back.”
“Yeah, he’s like the incarnation of reason, unless he’s in love. Then he makes some really unwise decisions,” Jeff, who has just approached them, throws in. “Like leaving Dalton...or, remember that one time when we went to that Gap store in...”
“Good thing I’m completely cured from love!” Blaine quickly interrupts him with a self-conscious laugh.
Sebastian catches Blaine’s glance only briefly, but he wishes he’d missed it entirely. It’s full of regret.
After the party, Blaine and Sebastian walk back to the dorms together. Sebastian wonders if it will be like this after every Warblers’ meeting. He thoroughly hopes so.
“It’s so weird being here again. In a good way. I’m glad to see that not much has changed,” Blaine says cheerfully. Despite the few small downs during the party, he seems to be in a great mood. “Well, I have a different room, but I guess I’ll sleep just as well in that bed as in the old one...except that I’m not even tired right now.”
“Don’t you have to settle in?” Sebastian asks. “Organize some stuff?”
“I don’t really feel like doing that right now.”
Sebastian doesn’t really know how far he can go. He hasn’t really mapped the boundaries of their friendship yet, but maybe Blaine is indicating that he wants to spend some more time together.
“Hmm...do you feel like watching something together?” Sebastian asks. “I downloaded the entire first season of Teen Wolf.”
Blaine beams at him, pleasantly surprised. “Oh, awesome! Should I come to your room? I’ll be there in ten, okay?”
“Okay,” Sebastian agrees, smiling back at Blaine. He’s already close to melting into a puddle of goo.
Fifteen minutes later, after changing into their Dalton hoodies and sweatpants, they sit next to each other on Sebastian’s bed, watching an episode of the show on his laptop.
Sebastian can’t really focus on the screen. He’s pretty much somewhere on the precipice between heaven and hell. Blaine is even closer to him than when they were watching the series on the Andersons’ couch, sipping a can of root beer he’d brought from the party and laughing about Stiles every now and then. He’s actually incredibly close. Their thighs are aligned, their upper arms touching. But even though he’s so close, it somehow feels as if he’s miles away.
Sebastian wishes he could lay his arm around Blaine and nuzzle his face against his cheek. He’s surprised to realize that what he’s longing for isn’t even sexual; it’s...a different kind of intimacy. It surprises him and it scares him at the same time. He feels like something inside him is tearing him apart. He could probably have what he wants. He could have Blaine. But it would be so wrong to ask Blaine to give himself to him.
Because Sebastian doesn’t want to be in love. He doesn’t want a relationship. He doesn’t want to be the one to make Blaine compromise for him. He doesn’t want to compromise either. He’s too afraid to hurt Blaine...and to get hurt too. They’d end up hating each other in the end, just like his parents. The Slushie incident must’ve been some kind of omen.
Every now and then, they look at each other and smile, and Sebastian reminds himself that he already has so much more than he deserves: Blaine’s friendship.
That friendship is probably more precious than any relationship could ever be, and it will certainly last way longer...
...even though he currently feels like it might kill him.
Chapter Text
On the first day of school after the break, Sebastian finds out that he shares all of his Monday classes with Blaine. It’s not exactly advantageous for his academic progress. After stepping down as the captain of the lacrosse team and the Warblers, Sebastian has been trying at least to do well in class, but it seems like those days are over now. It’s basically impossible to focus on anything other than Blaine. He tries hard not to look at him the entire time, but his gaze keeps wandering back to him as if drawn by a magnet.
It feels surreal to see Blaine sitting in a Dalton classroom, dressed in his school uniform, his hair neatly gelled. Sebastian had so often envisioned him sitting at one of the tables, pretending he’d never left. But Blaine had never been more than a ghost or a surreal fantasy. Now he’s actually here, and Sebastian doesn’t quite know how to deal with it. He’d completely underestimated the impact Blaine’s mere presence at Dalton would have on him.
In contrast to Sebastian, Blaine is completely focused on their classes. He obediently listens to the teachers, frequently raising his hand to answer a question or contribute some smart comment to the classroom discussion. It’s not like Sebastian couldn’t do that too; he usually does. But right now, he’s trapped in a state of awe that he’s not even trying to escape from.
To make matters worse, Sebastian has to give a presentation in his least favorite class, English. Having to do that right after the break is brutal, but doing it in front of Blaine is even worse. Blaine has obviously read Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick over the winter break and seems to know it way better than Sebastian, who’d admittedly only read a summary online.
Stage fright has never been a problem for Sebastian, but the slight anxiety creeping up inside him before the presentation probably comes quite close to it. Considering his concentration issues, the presentation can only go wrong. As he walks towards the front of the classroom with his notes in his hands, he tries to be his usual self - the cool guy who’s above it all. He’s Sebastian Smythe, for fuck’s sake.
The presentation is about the symbolism of water. Sebastian had already finalized it before Christmas, so he wouldn’t have to deal with it during the break. As he stands in front of the class, he stares at the notes in his hands. The first part is about the ambiguity of the physical element; water as a primary source of life (almost two thirds of the human body consist of it, after all), but also an enemy of life (drowning, floods, etc.). Sebastian had planned to talk about the metaphysical meaning of water in religions next, such as its cleansing and purifying power and its function of serving as the border between the world and the unknown. Subsequently, he would proceed to discussing the psychological meaning of water as a representation of the unconscious, linking the latter back to the novel.
All that had been his plan, but the only thing water reminds him of now is New Year’s Eve with Blaine at the Andersons’ pool. How their bodies had been encompassed in water; separated by it or connected by it, depending on the moment. The way water trickled down along Blaine’s skin, causing his swim trunks to cling tightly to his flawless form. Drops of water trapped in his eyelashes and his raven curls. Blaine’s wet tongue inside Sebastian’s mouth, hungrily entangled with his; saliva mixing...
Usually, Sebastian speaks freely when he gives a presentation; he’s an entertainer and knows how to arrest an audience. But this time, he clings to his notes as if to a life raft. Between many “uuuhms” and “uuuhs”, he more or less manages to get his points across without mixing up all the countless water deities he talks about.
As a precaution, Sebastian avoids looking in Blaine’s direction altogether because he’s afraid to lose it entirely. Only towards the end does Sebastian dare to throw him a brief look. He’s rewarded with a smile of encouragement or maybe of pity. Suddenly and unexpectedly, the image of Blaine as a statue of Poseidon, naked and holding a trident in his hands, flashes up in Sebastian’s mind, and he loses his train of thought.
Gulping, Sebastian tries to shake it off, reminding himself that he has to stop picturing Blaine naked. They’re friends now. Blaine’s body is off-limits, and Sebastian should no longer objectify him, or whatever it is he’s doing. It’s just that...Blaine and water...that’s an intoxicating combination.
Sebastian is glad when the ordeal is over. Fortunately, he can answer all the questions the teacher asks him about his presentation. She seems to be at least partly satisfied with his work.
But Sebastian isn’t happy at all. He’d wanted Blaine to return to Dalton so badly, yet even on the first day of classes that boy is already messing with his head, causing Sebastian to make a fool of himself - although all he wants to do is impress Blaine.
At least the Warblers’ meeting later that afternoon goes well. The preparations for Regionals are in full swing, and Sebastian manages to remember the lyrics of his solo despite Blaine’s presence. In contrast to babbling about water and symbols, singing is in his DNA and definitely something he can impress with.
On top of that, Sebastian gets to officially see “Blaine the Warbler” for the first time. Suddenly, no trace of insecurity seems to be left within Blaine. As he presents his ideas for his solo of What I’ve Done to the group, he’s an image of self-confidence, dripping with star appeal.
As Blaine and Sebastian dance together with the other Warblers, their eyes occasionally meet, and Sebastian is almost sure to catch another glimpse at the flirtatious smile that Blaine had given him when they’d been dancing at Scandals. It evokes shivers of temptation in Sebastian, but he stays in control of himself. He has no fucking clue why Blaine does it. He doesn’t even know if that smile is supposed to be flirtatious. Maybe Sebastian’s just seeing whatever he wants to see all over again.
At dinner, several Warblers sit together; and more specifically, Blaine sits next to Sebastian. It’s going to be like this every day now, and Sebastian tells himself he’ll eventually get used to it. Someday, he’ll be able to sit next to Blaine without that awful tingling in the pit of his stomach that gets even worse whenever Blaine smiles at him.
“So are you coming to our soccer training tomorrow?” Nick asks Blaine when they’re almost done eating, eyes wide with excitement.
Blaine doesn’t seem as excited. He’s suddenly a little reserved again, just like on the drive to Westerville. “I don’t know. Do you really think that would make sense? I’ve never really played soccer before, and we only have five more months before graduation.”
“Dude, our team is so small, we’re thankful for every new member,” Nick interrupts him. “Soccer is not exactly an established sport here at Dalton. We had to fight really hard to get the new pitch; and the more new members we get, the better. We don’t want the Principal to regret her decision to support us. You don’t have to compete in actual games if you don’t want to.”
“How pathetic,” Hunter comments snarkily from across the table. “You guys are so desperate to get new members, but nobody around here cares for that silly sport. Just accept it. Blaine is into American football, not some cheap European impression.”
“How do you know I like football?” Blaine asks with a puzzled look at Hunter. The question is ignored, and Sebastian makes a mental note to finally remind Blaine of the importance of changing his Facebook password regularly.
“Soccer isn’t an impression of American football. Apparently, you know nothing about it,” Nick shoots back, visibly annoyed. “It’s getting more and more popular here, and it’s huge in most other parts of the world.”
“I heard it’s particularly popular with homophobes,” Hunter retorts with a smirk, shrugging his shoulders.
“That’s...not true!” Nick snaps. “And also, this is Dalton,” he adds with a pleading look at Blaine. “Don’t listen to him. It’s really fun. Much better than football. You don’t have to be a giant to be good at soccer. Some of the best players are even shorter than you.”
“But I’m not exactly the sporty type,” Blaine says with a doubtful smile.
Sebastian almost spits out the water he’d just intended to swallow. “Except that you used to win all those trophies in who knows how many disciplines, you box and dance like a pro, and you look like a freakin’ Greek god underneath your clothes.”
Immediately, everyone’s eyes are on Blaine and Sebastian. Blaine’s cheeks turn as red as a fire hydrant before Sebastian even understands what the others are assuming.
“We went for a swim together,” Sebastian hisses, shaking his head. When he realizes that the other boys don’t really look convinced by that explanation, he adds, “Believe it or not, gay guys can actually be friends without constantly feeling the need to mount each other. Fucking morons, grow up...”
Blaine quickly changes the subject back to the soccer training. “Okay, Nick. You’re right. I should give it a try.”
“Awesome!” Nick gushes cheerfully. “We’ll get you a Dalton jersey tomorrow! And shorts and soccer shoes...”
Although Sebastian is still mad at his friends for their shallow suspicion, he can’t avoid picturing Blaine in a soccer outfit; tight shorts hugging his perfect ass and revealing his toned thighs... Sebastian gets even madder when he realizes that the other Warblers’ assumption about Blaine and him would actually be accurate if things had worked out his way, and if Blaine had been open to becoming fuck buddies. Apparently, Sebastian’s friends know him better than he knows himself.
But no, that’s not him. He will prove that he can be a good friend without ulterior motives.
Luckily, the other Warblers’ assumption that Blaine and Sebastian might be hooking up doesn’t keep Blaine from wanting to hang out with him. After getting over the initial embarrassment, Blaine doesn’t seem to care much about what their friends think they do behind closed doors, much to Sebastian’s relief.
During the next few days, Sebastian slowly gets used to Blaine’s presence in class, at meals, and virtually everywhere. Sebastian usually hangs out with a few other Warblers in the senior commons after dinner, and of course Blaine joins them too now. After that, Blaine and Sebastian make it a new daily habit to watch an episode of Teen Wolf in Sebastian’s room together.
Sebastian still feels an incredibly intense urge to kiss Blaine whenever they sit next to each other on the bed in his darkened room, but he does his best to fight it. One night, during a moment of particularly strong despair, he googles how to find out if you’re in love, and how long it takes to fall out of it. According to his findings, he definitely is in love. He’d kind of already assumed that, so the result is not as shocking as expected. Unfortunately, the various answers to the second question aren’t satisfying at all - ranging from several months to a few years...to never. Not knowing when that nasty condition will end is quite frustrating, but Sebastian has no choice but to ride it out.
On Saturday, a few Warblers decide to go ice-skating on an outdoor skate rink not far from Westerville. They’d gone to the same place the year before, when Blaine and Sebastian had been friends prior to the Slushie disaster. Since Blaine had been living in Lima then, he hadn’t come with them, but Sebastian had thought about him constantly. Back then, he’d imagined Blaine on the ice, dancing across it just as impressively as he could dance across a stage.
This time Blaine actually joins them, and his ice-skating skills surpass Sebastian’s wildest dreams. As soon as Blaine is on the ice, he races around the rink with joy and confidence, looking as if he’d been born to move on skates. Sebastian is a good skater too, and he tries to keep up with him, but it’s nearly impossible. Blaine zigzags through the other skaters with dance-like grace, smiling brightly.
Frozen water...of course Blaine has it under control, like the water deity he is.
“Look at that maniac,” Nick laughs when he takes a brief break by the boards next to Sebastian. “Last time Blaine came here with us, he won a race against Jeff...going backwards! Jeff was going forwards of course. I really wonder where he learned that.”
“He’s a jack of all trades,” Sebastian comments, his gaze glued to Blaine as it has been the entire time since they arrived at the rink. He doesn’t even notice that Nick is watching him now.
“You still like him, don’t you?” Nick suddenly asks in a hushed voice and with an idiotic grin on his face.
It’s cold that day, and a few snowflakes occasionally fall from the sky. But upon hearing that question, Sebastian literally breaks into a sweat. Is it really that obvious? He probably asked Nick too many questions about Blaine.
Sebastian gulps, trying to think of something to say. The longer the silence, the more obvious it’ll be that Nick is right. But he doesn’t want anyone to know. It’s bad enough that Hunter knows so much, although Hunter seems to know everything anyway.
“You think you’re really smart, huh?” Sebastian snarls defensively.
Nick chuckles although Sebastian doesn’t get what’s so funny. “Should’ve known you don’t want to talk about it. I just wanted to mention that you two would make a nice couple.”
“Oh, fuck you, Duval,” Sebastian snaps, anger boiling up inside him. How dare he make an outrageous comment like that?
“Why are you being so touchy whenever that topic comes up?” Nick asks, slightly unsettled by Sebastian’s reaction. “I just think it’s pretty obvious that you’re into each other. I’m not the only one who’s noticed that.”
“Even if that were true, it would be none of your damn business.” Sebastian stares down at the ice underneath his feet as if it might help to cool him down, but it doesn’t.
“Okay, sorry,” Nick mumbles. “But...I don’t get it. Did something happen? Did Blaine rebuff you?”
Sebastian’s hands clench into fists, and he skates off into the middle of the rink before running the risk of doing something he might regret. He’d thought that the others assumed he and Blaine were hooking up, but it’s apparently way worse than that. They actually think Blaine and Sebastian might end up as a “nice” couple.
Idiots. How fucking ludicrous.
In need of communicating with someone normal, Sebastian skates towards Blaine, who’s currently talking to Hunter in the center of the rink. Before Sebastian reaches them, they both suddenly dash off like madmen, racing each other. Sebastian knows that Hunter plays ice hockey, and he’s brilliant on skates. But Blaine is nimbler and faster, and he beats Hunter with ease.
Sebastian expects Hunter to be pissed off about Blaine’s victory and is prepared to rush over to them to punch Hunter if necessary. But Hunter unexpectedly gives Blaine a high-five, appearing impressed rather than miffed. Maybe Sebastian won’t have to protect Blaine from Hunter after all. It seems more like he needs to protect himself from the idiocy of his so-called friends. He still can’t shake off Nick’s stupid comment.
Suddenly, Blaine is next to him. “Did you see that?”
“Yeah, not bad,” Sebastian says with a congratulatory smile. “You made Hunter look like a turtle.”
“Wanna race against me too?” Blaine asks, grinning. His eyes glisten challengingly.
“Naaah, you’ve already won. But I’ll skate with you for a couple of rounds if you want.”
Blaine doesn’t stay next to Sebastian for long. He soon starts to whirl around, go backwards and then dash forwards again. Sebastian has no idea how he does it. Blaine moves so gracefully, as if he’d spent his entire life on skates. The blades on his feet seem to glide over the ice so much more smoothly than those of everyone else. Sebastian could watch him skate forever. It’s just so incredibly aesthetically pleasing, and seeing Blaine happy makes Sebastian feel happy too.
While Blaine is showing off his skills, a little girl loses control of her legs and suddenly crosses his path. She’s quickly saved by her father, but Blaine loses his balance and starts to stumble. Having seen the girl coming, Sebastian rushes over to Blaine and catches him right before he hits the ice.
“Whoa...thanks,” Blaine mumbles, holding on to Sebastian’s coat a little longer than necessary. “That was dumb.”
“It looked amazing up until that point,” Sebastian grins.
“Yeah, but I shouldn’t be so mindless just to impress someone.”
“Who do you want to impress?” Sebastian asks, still grinning, but feeling a weird sting in the pit of his stomach...jealousy. He looks around the rink, expecting to see some handsome guy watching Blaine, but he doesn’t discover anyone who fits that description.
When he meets Blaine’s radiating amber eyes again, the flirtatious smile is playing on his beautiful lush lips. Blaine cocks his head and looks as if he wants to say something. But then he simply skates off, leaving Sebastian behind standing there in bewilderment.
After the first week back at Dalton has come to an end, Sebastian is proud of himself. He thinks he’s been doing a pretty good job at being friends with Blaine, much better than he’d thought he could.
But disaster strikes on Sunday morning...
When Sebastian enters the bathroom, he’s greeted with a sight that he last saw on New Year’s Eve and that hasn’t left his head since. Just like Sebastian, Blaine is wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. He’s standing in front of one of the three sinks, leaning towards the mirror and inspecting his jaw and cheeks with his hands. His raven curls are messy from sleeping, and it’s a mystery to Sebastian how someone can look so hot and so adorable at the same time.
Sebastian instantly perceives a strong urge to press his body up against that beautiful bare back, hold Blaine close and inhale the scent of his curls...ask him if he slept well, press a kiss to his temple...
“Morning,” Sebastian says instead as Blaine turns towards him.
A bright smile appears on Blaine’s face when he realizes who has just joined him. Sebastian feels as if the sun had just risen inside the bathroom although it’s still darkish and gray outside.
“Good morning!” Blaine greets him cheerfully. “You’re up early. I thought you liked sleeping in on Sundays.”
Sebastian shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah, but...dunno. I woke up and couldn’t fall asleep again. That’s why I need a shower now.”
“Same here,” Blaine says, confirming the worst. He’s about to take a shower as well.
For an entire week, Sebastian had managed to avoid that specific situation. They’d run into each other in the bathroom before, even brushed their teeth next to each other once, which had been kind of fun. But taking a shower is a whole different story for various reasons.
Sebastian likes the showers at Dalton; the water pressure is just perfect. There are two shower stalls in the bathroom that’s assigned to his room. Only three other seniors use that bathroom: Nick, Jason, and Blaine. Usually, taking a shower is a rather private business because it’s rare that two of the four boys happen to take one at the same time. There are showers in the gym as well, and Nick and Jason often use those.
The two shower stalls in the bathroom are separated by a thin tiled wall that doesn’t go up all the way to the ceiling. If Sebastian was just a little taller, he could peek over it. The stalls can be closed with a shower curtain. Sebastian would have preferred an actual door, but since there’s still enough privacy, he’s made it a habit to jerk off in the shower. It’s comfortable and practical, and Sebastian assumes that every guy does it. Why would anyone waste such a good opportunity to get relief from that damn constant sexual frustration? He’s often caught himself thinking that the daily amount of cum in Dalton’s sewer pipes must be quite considerable.
For more than a year now, Sebastian has mostly been thinking of Blaine whenever he masturbates. He’s never considered that a problem. You have to think of something or rather somebody, and Blaine is the guy he wants most.
Unfortunately, Blaine is also the one guy Sebastian will never have because they want different things. Blaine will always be that unreachable fantasy, except that...he’s right here now. In this very bathroom, about to take a shower next to Sebastian.
New Year’s Eve. Blaine. Water. The memories instantly flood Sebastian’s mind.
But Blaine doesn’t seem to have any concerns. He smiles at Sebastian again, before grabbing his shampoo and shower gel and stepping into the right shower stall. Sebastian watches in awe as Blaine closes the curtain behind himself. His hand briefly reappears to hang the towel on the hook outside of the stall.
When the sound of running water supersedes the silence, Sebastian briefly considers going back to his room. There’s Blaine, naked behind the shower curtain, and there’s water. Sebastian’s pulse rate has already accelerated. New Year’s Eve, Blaine, water...but it’s just silly. Blaine lives at Dalton now. This situation is going to come up again and again, so Sebastian has to get used to it.
He tries to shake off the enticing memories and steps into the left shower stall. After hanging his towel on the other hook, he turns on the water. It takes a few seconds to warm up, but Sebastian is indifferent to the temperature. He just stands there, motionlessly getting soaked.
His entire focus is on the shower stall next to his. He’d told himself not to picture Blaine naked anymore, but it’s impossible now. On the other side of the thin tiled wall separating the stalls, only about three feet away from him, Blaine is naked, soaping up his beautiful curls and his immaculate body.
Obviously, Sebastian can’t jerk off this time. That would be so wrong...but before he knows it, he’s as hard as a rock. He can’t help but think of Blaine in the pool, in his arms, kissing him eagerly, moaning oh-so softly...
All of a sudden, Sebastian freezes. Did he just hear that moan or was it in his head? He could swear he’s just heard it. What if... No matter how hard he tries, he can’t shake off the images that have just hijacked his brain. What if Blaine is pleasuring himself in the other shower stall right now?
Sebastian is feeling so hot that he has to turn the temperature of the water down. He blindly grabs a bottle from the shelf holding some shampoos and shower gels. His own stuff is in Blaine’s stall, and he doesn’t even care whose shower gel he’s using. He squeezes a good portion of the blue gel into his left palm...
...and that’s when Sebastian pretty much loses control. His left hand refuses to wash his body. Instead it wanders down to his erect dick, lubing it up, closely followed by his right hand that starts to stroke it. It’s like a reflex he couldn’t suppress, even if he wanted to.
He’s done this very activity countless times before, but this time there’s a peculiar voice in his head telling him to stop immediately. It tells him to quit thinking of Blaine that way; to finally kill off that damn burning desire...but he can’t. Blaine is just a few feet away from him, there’s water, and for all Sebastian knows, Blaine might be doing the exact same thing right now...while thinking of him.
Sebastian wishes the freaking wall was gone. He wants to look Blaine in the eyes and see if the longing he’d seen burning in them on New Year’s Eve is still there. It must be. It was there less than two weeks ago.
As lust clouds his mind like a thick, suffocating smoke, Sebastian presses his left hand to the back wall of the shower stall to support himself. He’s staring at the wall between the shower stalls as if he might eventually be able to look right through it or make it disappear. His breathing has sped up significantly. The images of Blaine in his head and his right hand pumping his length make him want to groan, but he doesn’t dare make a sound. Instead he listens...and again, was that just a moan of pleasure sounding from the other stall?
Maybe not. Maybe it’s all in his mind. But the possibility of Blaine jacking off so close to him drives him wild, frantic. His strokes get even faster, harder; just like the heartbeats accelerating inside his chest.
The visions inside Sebastian’s head have taken total control of him. He wonders what would happen if Blaine suddenly tore the shower curtain of his stall open, looking at him with that amber fire in his eyes...if he joined him. If they kissed under the hot running water. If Sebastian could feel Blaine’s sinewy muscles underneath his fingers again, and his perfect round ass. Water dripping off Blaine’s long eyelashes, the tip of his nose, and the head of his hard cock...
It’s painful how much Sebastian wants Blaine at that very moment. He’s so close, but still so far away. Sebastian shuts his eyes, and he can almost feel Blaine’s plump lips on his, taste him on his tongue...
Sebastian’s cum spurts against the separating wall in long streaks, and he finally can’t suppress a gasp that Blaine probably hears too. His legs are suddenly somewhat shaky, and he tumbles back against the tiled wall behind him, trying to catch his breath. His brain has momentarily turned to mush, and he’s flooded with endorphins. Yet the heavenly bliss is tainted with utter confusion and something that feels an awful lot like shame. Sebastian has no idea what just happened. Did Blaine just jerk off too? Did he think of Sebastian while doing it? Did he come? Did Sebastian just fuck up completely?
He’s still trying to regain his composure when he hears the water in the other shower stall being turned off and the curtain moving as Blaine pulls his towel inside. A few minutes later, he hears Blaine’s voice from outside the shower stall.
“See you later!” As if nothing had just happened.
Maybe nothing happened. Maybe Blaine just took a shower. That’s probably what he did. But what Sebastian just did is not what a friend should do. It’s pretty much the polar opposite.
An overwhelming feeling of guilt is weighing him down. Sebastian sinks down onto his ass, wrapping his arms around his legs and burying his head against them like a lost child. As the water keeps falling onto his unwashed hair, Sebastian can’t shake a terrible thought. The truth is, he’s not worthy of Blaine’s friendship, and he’ll probably never be.
Sebastian feels incapable of looking Blaine in the eye, so he skips breakfast and lunch. But hunger gets the best of him in the evening, and he ends up sitting next to Blaine again at dinner.
Blaine acts completely normal, and Sebastian has no idea whether to be relieved or disappointed about that. He’s spent all day mulling over the potential pas de deux that may or may not have happened that morning. If they actually jerked off together, he wouldn’t really have to feel guilty. But judging by Blaine’s demeanor, he seems to be blissfully unaware of what Sebastian did in the shower, and that just makes Sebastian a really shitty friend with a dramatic lack of self-control.
To make things worse, Blaine suggests they could watch another episode of Teen Wolf after dinner. Sebastian agrees because if Blaine acts normal, he has to act normal too.
As they sit next to each other on Sebastian’s bed a little later and he sets up his laptop, so many questions are tormenting his mind.
He wants to ask if Blaine jerked off in the shower stall next to him. If he thought of Sebastian while doing it.
He wants to ask if it’s hard for Blaine to be friends without benefits too. To act as if there was nothing between them; no attraction, no spark. How he manages to ignore all of that.
Instead, Sebastian asks, “So how was your first week back at Dalton?”
Blaine seems relieved when Sebastian breaks the awkward silence. “It was really great! I guess my worries were pointless, and you were right about the other guys. They really don’t seem to hate me. It feels a lot like it did before I left. Except for the Warblers of course...but it’s fine. I’m used to not being in the spotlight anymore. It was the same at McKinley. And Nick didn’t lie; soccer is actually a lot of fun.” He pauses briefly before he adds, “I’m really glad to be back here.”
Sebastian’s eyes have been fixed on the laptop screen, and he only lifts his gaze to look at Blaine after he’s stopped talking. Blaine’s smile is so warm and happy. Sebastian loves this smile just as much as the flirtatious, sassy one. Maybe even more.
For a couple of seconds, a peculiar thought crosses Sebastian’s mind. He imagines what it would be like if they were together...boyfriends. They’d be sitting on this very bed, watching something on his laptop. But they could be lying in each other’s arms, kissing and making out whenever they wanted. They’d hold hands underneath the table in the dining hall, and maybe they’d even take showers together.
For some reason, the thought of all that isn’t scary at all. It’s tempting. But then Sebastian focuses on Blaine’s happy smile again. He wants Blaine to be happy and stay happy. The idea of them being together is tempting, but it’s impossible. Sebastian would only end up hurting Blaine. He’s done it before, and it was fucking horrible. It can’t happen again. He’d only end up crushing Blaine. Just like his parents crush each other.
But right now, Sebastian is crushing himself. Something has to happen. He can’t go on like this. He desperately needs to get Blaine out of his mind.
Suddenly, Blaine’s expression changes in a very dangerous way. His smile has vanished, and he looks at Sebastian wistfully...longingly.
“I’m so glad to be here,” Blaine repeats, almost in a whisper. Very slowly, he leans in, closing the gap between them. His slightly parted lips capture Sebastian’s and...
It’s so unexpected and amazing that Sebastian can’t move for several seconds. The first clear thought he can get a hold of is that he doesn’t want to make a mistake again, so he puts his hands behind his back, just like he’d said he would. As if under a spell, he closes his eyes and just feels...Blaine’s lips and tongue, Blaine’s right hand on his neck. It’s all he wants and more.
The kiss is very different from their first one. It’s not heated; it’s slow and gentle, and it makes Sebastian feel so incredibly good...
...but he’s not sure why this kiss is even happening, and he soon pulls away. Blaine stares at him with his huge, owlish honey-colored eyes, visibly confused, and Sebastian is on the verge of melting into a puddle of remorse and affection.
“What are you doing?” Sebastian asks as softly as his voice allows.
Blaine doesn’t answer right away. He appears to be lacking the right words. “It’s the way you’ve been looking at me...this past week,” he finally stammers. “I thought maybe...maybe you’d changed your mind...about us.”
Sebastian’s heart is hammering in his chest. Fuck. He needs to exert some sort of damage control. “I don’t know...uhhh...not really. I thought you were okay with us being friends. You actually made it look as if that was pretty easy for you...being friends, I mean. Easier than for me.”
A bitter chuckle escapes from Blaine’s lips. “There’s a reason why I applied for all those performing arts programs...they say I’m a good actor. You know, I really thought I could just be friends with you, but after this first week, I have to say...it’s kinda hard for me.”
“Not just for you,” Sebastian admits. Being that honest is brutal, and he can barely hold Blaine’s gaze. Blaine looks so damn sad, it’s almost impossible to bear.
“But I really wanna be friends,” Blaine says in a low, gentle voice. “I just don’t know how to turn it off.”
It? Sebastian starts to panic. He doesn’t even want to know what Blaine means. Someone needs to hit the kill switch, so he decides to do it.
“I have an idea,” Sebastian says, feigning confidence. The idea had appeared to him during another desperate moment, and this moment is so desperate that it seems right to bring it up. “We should go out. I’m thinking of The Monastery, that gay club in Columbus I told you about. It’s so much cooler than Scandals, and I think we both need a distraction if you know what I mean. Just because we’re not compatible, it doesn’t mean that there aren’t other guys who are.”
Blaine looks aghast for a second before he forces a smile. “You’re probably right.”
With faux enthusiasm, Sebastian suggests, “Let’s go next Friday. We can ask the others if they wanna come. Believe it or not, a few of them aren’t afraid of gay clubs. Thad, Nick, Jeff...even Hunter.”
“Sounds great,” Blaine replies drily. Sebastian can tell that he’s desperately trying to act again, to hide his feelings, but it’s not working. It’s just too obvious that Blaine is hurting.
“So...are we watching that episode now?” Sebastian asks, not knowing what else to say.
“Uhh, you know, I just remembered that I wanted to reread the chapter we’re gonna discuss in English class tomorrow. Let’s watch it another time, okay?”
“Okay,” Sebastian mumbles, numb with disappointment. Apparently, he’s capable of making Blaine unhappy even without being his boyfriend. Everything sucks.
Blaine gets up from the bed and walks towards the door. He suddenly stops and pauses, his hand resting on the doorknob. As he turns back to Sebastian, there’s a sad smile on his face. “Thank you...for not taking advantage of the...situation...the kiss.”
“I would never,” Sebastian promises. It’s the truth. He hopes so, at least.
“I know. That’s why I can’t get you out of my head,” Blaine admits with a lowered head. He looks so hurt and so beautiful. “I think you’re one of the good guys, even if you don’t think about yourself in that way. Anyways...good night.”
After Blaine has left, Sebastian just stares at the glaring laptop screen for several minutes. One of the good guys. As if. Sebastian pretty much thinks of himself as one of the biggest idiots that ever walked the planet. He’s sure now that Blaine didn’t jerk off in the other shower stall. Sebastian was alone with that fantasy. Alone, as he’ll always be. Blaine deserves better.
But they’re both in deep, deep water, and they need to get out of it as soon as possible. The gay club is Sebastian’s last hope. Blaine needs a boyfriend, and Sebastian needs a meaningless hookup - or maybe several. That’s the only way they can stay friends.
Sebastian hasn’t hooked up with anyone ever since Blaine’s visit to Dalton at the beginning of November. It’s been more than two months - much too long, no wonder he’s losing his mind. Fucking someone else will hopefully cure him. If it doesn’t, he’s afraid nothing ever will.
Chapter 7: Kill Switch
Chapter Text
Admittedly, Sebastian has doubts about his glorious idea to go to a gay club with Blaine so they can distract themselves with other guys. The first problem is that he’s not sure if he’s currently capable of getting hard for anyone other than Blaine. Even porn isn’t what it used to be. The second and bigger problem is that he knows that jealousy will probably kill him if Blaine succeeds in finding a new boyfriend.
On top of that, Sebastian is having trouble convincing his friends to go to The Monastery with them.
“Are you kidding me?” Thad asks with an incredulous look. He’s been studying at the library and doesn’t seem to be too pleased about the interruption. “It’s bad enough that my sister made me babysit my nephew during the winter break. I really don’t feel like babysitting you two as well.”
Sebastian rolls his eyes and sighs. “Who said anything about babysitting?”
“It’s obviously implied. Why can’t you go out with Blaine without anyone else accompanying you?”
“I can go out with him without you, but we’d prefer going with you and a few others. Make it a Warbler thing.”
“A Warbler thing? At a gay club?”
“Why not? You’ve been there before, and you liked it.”
“Yeah, because they have awesome cocktails. But to be honest, I think it’s time we go to a mixed club for a change. You’re not the only one who wants to get laid every now and then.”
“We can go to a mixed club next time. I’ll even be your wingman,” Sebastian tries to convince him in an embarrassingly pleading tone.
“Pfft, I don’t need a wingma-...” Suddenly, a paper ball comes flying across the room, hitting Thad against the head. “Ouch! What the fuck?”
“Hey, this is a library! Could you guys shut up?” an annoyed freshman snaps at them.
“You shut up, midget!” Sebastian hisses back before he turns back to Thad. “Seriously, kids these days... Anyways, so are you coming?”
“Nahh,” Thad groans, rubbing his head where the paper ball has hit him. “If you’re not a kid anymore, you should be able to deal with that matter on your own.”
After leaving the library in a terrible mood, Sebastian aimlessly wanders the halls of Dalton until he finds Nick, Jeff, and Trent chatting in a senior common room. He doesn’t dare propose his idea in front of all of them because he’s afraid Nick might make a dumb remark, so he asks him for a private talk in the adjacent, empty common room that the Warblers use for their meetings.
They sit down on one of the leather couches in front of the fireplace, and Sebastian cowardly starts off with some irrelevant small talk before he finally asks if Nick wants to go to the gay club with him and Blaine.
“Why are you actively asking other people to join you on a date?” Nick asks, perplexed.
Although Sebastian expected a reaction along those lines, a brand new wave of anger wells up inside of him. But this time, he needs to stay calm. After all, he’s asking a favor. He just wishes Nick wouldn’t do this to him. They’re friends, for fuck’s sake.
“Because it’s not a date,” Sebastian says matter-of-factly, trying hard to stay in control of his temper.
“Well, it should be one.”
“Jesus Christ, Nick! Just let it go, okay? Whatever you’ve been cooking up in your head, it’s not happening. We actually wanna go to the club to meet other guys.”
“Then why do you need me to come along? I don’t want to meet any guys.”
“Because going there with only Blaine would be weird for several reasons.”
“So? You only have yourself to blame for those reasons,” Nick comments with an air of condescension.
Sebastian’s face turns into a incredulous frown. “What-...did Blaine tell you anything?”
“I don’t know exactly what you’re referring to, but Blaine and I talk about stuff. He’s my buddy.”
“Oh, and what about me? Am I not your buddy? You can’t talk with Blaine about stuff that also concerns me - behind my back! That’s a betrayal of our friendship!” Sebastian blurts out in bewilderment.
“Blaine is the kind of person who needs to talk about problems to feel better, and I’m the kind of person who likes to help other people. If you need to talk about anything, I’m all ears. And I wouldn’t talk with Blaine about it, obviously.”
“What did he tell you?”
“I just said that I’m discreet,” Nick retorts with a chuckle.
Controlling the rage is getting harder and harder, but fighting with Nick about Blaine would be silly, and Sebastian needs his help. He takes a deep, soothing breath. “Okay, look, I need you to come to the club with us. That’s how you can help me.”
“Seriously, I don’t think that would be helping you. You guys should go out together, just the two of you. A change of scenery might help you find some clarity,” Nick says in a tone so calm, it’s almost patronizing. As if he was some sort of Yoda or Dumbledore.
“Holy shit, you sound like my mother,” Sebastian curses, no longer capable of hiding his frustration.
Nick’s tone is a little more insistent, almost annoyed, when he says, “I just think that the two of you really need to get it together. Or actually, you need to get it together. Blaine’s obviously not the problem.”
Sebastian doesn’t even know how to counter that. Blaine is the only problem in his life and the biggest one he’s ever had.
“And you know,” Nick adds with a reproachful look, “Blaine’s been going through a really rough patch. As I already told you, I think he’s changed. But now that he’s back at Dalton, I realized the change is even more severe than I thought it was. He used to be one of the most self-confident people I know, but frankly, he’s turned into a shadow of his former self...except when he’s singing. Anyways, he doesn’t need you to make his life even more difficult.”
“Me?” Sebastian protests, his voice sounding downright hysterical now. “Hummel did that to him, not me!”
“Well, let’s just say you’re not exactly contributing to making him feel any better either.”
Frustrated, Sebastian gives up on trying to convince Nick. He won’t get anything but shit from him anyway. Sebastian is trying hard to be a good friend to Blaine, and he doesn’t deserve such accusations.
Maybe talking to somebody who’s not friends with Blaine will help. Sebastian finds Hunter lifting weights on the weight bench in the gym.
“You know what that’s called in the military?” Hunter asks, casually lifting a massive barbell as if it was made from styrofoam. “A suicide mission.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Sebastian is already annoyed again. He doesn’t even know why he’d assumed that Hunter, of all people, might be more helpful than the others.
“Let’s have a look at the state of affairs. A: You’re into Blaine,” Hunter elaborates soberly. “B: Blaine is into you. C: You want different things, so you try to be friends...”
“Have you been reading Blaine’s Facebook messages again?” Sebastian interrupts him, slightly alarmed.
“D,” Hunter continues unwaveringly, “you wanna set him up with another guy to make C more bearable. Newsflash; that’s not gonna work because of B, and also A because you’re just gonna get jealous again. You wanna go to a gay club with him? Go ahead, but I see a whole shit show looming on the horizon. If Blaine was a chick, he’d most certainly slap you in the face by the end of the night, and you’d deserve it. I don’t know what guys do in that situation, to be honest. Hopefully, he’ll punch you in the gut...which reminds me that I wanted to ask Blaine if he wants to rejoin Fight Club.”
“I simply asked if you wanted to come with us, for fuck’s sake,” Sebastian snaps defensively. “So do you?”
“Nope.”
“You could’ve just said that without making me suffer through that sermon!”
Hunter puts the barbell back onto the rack and sits up, grabbing a towel. “You obviously need to hear this. You and Blaine, you’re both important players. I can’t have you endangering the Warblers’ success at Regionals just because you, Sebastian, are ridiculously immature and incapable of...”
Sebastian doesn’t hear the rest of Hunter’s speech because he hastily leaves the gym. He doesn’t need friends who lecture him. He’s not immature; on the contrary, he feels like what he’s doing is exceedingly mature. He’s being responsible, aiming to protect Blaine and himself from unnecessary heartache. They all act as if Sebastian doesn’t know what he’s doing, and it’s maddening.
That same day, he asks Jeff, David, Beatbox, and even Trent, but none of them are interested in going to the club with him and Blaine. To his chagrin, Sebastian has the feeling that the reason for their disinterest is similar to Nick’s. They probably think that Sebastian and Blaine should go out alone so that they magically get together and return home as boyfriends. The thought makes him furious. His friends are no better than his parents, but it’s simply none of their business.
Sebastian’s usual reaction would be to do the opposite of what those idiots are expecting of him, but the truth is...he’s actually been thinking about the boyfriend thing. It’s kind of alarming, but he feels that his resistance against it is crumbling. It took a big blow when Blaine kissed him the second time because it just felt so good. Ever since that night, he’s caught himself thinking that it might be pretty dumb not to take what Blaine is so clearly offering him. He’s even had to acknowledge the possibility that the benefits of being a couple might outweigh the risks.
But Sebastian has good reasons for being wary of the boyfriend thing.
The original reason why being boyfriends with someone never appealed to him is the obvious one: Limiting yourself to having sex with only one person is pretty lame. That had been Sebastian’s reason for not wanting a boyfriend before meeting Blaine and getting addicted to him. It’s actually no longer good enough to rule out the idea entirely, but there’s more.
The second reason is that relationships seem to be some kind of social construct, solely designed for two people to drive each other crazy. His parents do it all the time. The endless compromises have clearly hurt them and damaged their affection for each other, and Sebastian doesn’t want that to happen to Blaine and him. He doesn’t want to hurt Blaine again. The Slushie incident was enough for a lifetime.
And frankly, Sebastian doesn’t want to get hurt either. If he’s honest with himself, he has to acknowledge that his feelings for Blaine scare the shit out of him. The only heartache Sebastian has ever felt was because of Blaine, and he’s afraid it might even get more intense if he surrenders to him. Being in love has been constant torture so far. It has made him the one thing he doesn’t want to be: vulnerable.
They say growing up isn’t easy, but for a gay boy it must be twice as hard. At his old school, Sebastian had to learn the hard way that being extra tough was the only way to shut down the bullying. Being tough and invulnerable has been his default mode ever since, and leaving that comfort zone by revealing his true feelings is extremely daunting.
That’s why Sebastian can’t tell anyone. If anyone knew what he’s really feeling for Blaine, he’d be entirely defenseless. Even though there are no bullies at Dalton, Sebastian has an image to live up to. It’s safer to be perceived as cool, or even cold.
If anyone knew, they’d have so much power over him...especially Blaine himself. Sebastian just can’t give him that kind of power by telling him how he feels. Blaine would be able to wound him by snapping his fingers. He’d probably be able to kill him with a single wrong word. Hiding those feelings is basically a survival instinct.
Also, Sebastian isn’t quite sure what’s going on with Blaine. He’s not dumb, he gets that Blaine seems to have feelings for him - some mysterious it. It’s probably more than just mere attraction. But there are so many open questions again...
Is Blaine really in love with me? Is he going through the same hell that I’m going through?
Probably not. Hummel was allegedly the love of his life, and they only broke up three months ago. There’s no way Blaine is completely over him and already madly in love with Sebastian. That’s just impossible.
Is there maybe even a chance that I could end up being some kind of rebound for Blaine?
Sebastian has caught himself thinking that. Obviously, he’s a million times better than Hummel, but still. There’s a risk after all. And then, there’s the cheating.
Is it still mind-boggling that Blaine was capable of cheating on Hummel?
Definitely.
Am I afraid Blaine might cheat on me, too?
Not really, but...
Whenever Sebastian gets to that point, he wants to slap himself. He hates it when his doubts and fears cast Blaine in a negative light. He’s fully aware that it’s wrong and unfair. Everybody makes mistakes, it’s human. Sebastian knows that better than anyone. And cheating on Hummel wasn’t even a mistake; that prick had it coming. Maybe Blaine realized that Hummel wasn’t the love of his life after all...and in that case, Sebastian wouldn’t be a rebound.
Sebastian truly believes that Blaine is the most amazing guy who’s ever crossed his path. Blaine is sexy, kind, smart...pretty much perfect. He’s one in a million, and Sebastian wants him so, so much. But those damn doubts and fears...
It’s complicated.
Sebastian’s thoughts about wanting Blaine but not wanting a boyfriend have been spiraling through his mind in a vicious circle. And yet, he thinks about the “boyfriend thing” more and more often.
He’s been looking for songs to put on a playlist for Blaine. He hasn’t been able to finish it because he’s afraid the songs might be too telling. There’s one particular song he can’t get out of his head. It basically says everything Sebastian wants to say to Blaine. If things weren’t so complicated, he’d show it to him. He’ll probably have to do it anyway if his plan doesn’t work out.
But for now, Sebastian is clinging to his last hope to get out of his dilemma unscathed...alive. The kill switch. It needs to be engaged. He has to go to that damn club with Blaine, with or without the others.
Unfortunately, Blaine doesn’t seem so keen on going there either.
“I joined the Dalton Drama Club. We’re doing a musical with the girls from Crawford Country Day, Dalton’s sister school. The other guys wanna go out with the girls on Friday night, and I think it would be good if I joined them because most of them don’t know me yet.”
Sebastian stares at Blaine as if he’d just been speaking in a foreign language. “You wanna go out with a bunch of girls instead of going to a gay club?”
“Becoming a member of a club comes with some social obligations, and I had to join a few clubs for my résumé. If you transfer schools three times during high school without the excuse of moving houses, college admission officers think you’re some kind of sociopath. I’m trying to limit the damage at least a little bit.”
“But what about us?”
“What about us?” Blaine asks in an unexpectedly sharp tone.
“I told you why I wanna go to that club with you,” Sebastian murmurs through his teeth.
“Right, because you wanna get laid,” Blaine hisses. “I’d actually prefer not to be around when that happens.”
“That’s not...ugh,” Sebastian sighs. “I also thought it would be good if you got to know someone new.”
“Don’t worry about me, okay?” Blaine snaps back.
Sebastian can tell that Blaine is not really angry. He’s hurt.
After that conversation, they don’t talk for several days. No more TV show sessions in Sebastian’s room, and Blaine doesn’t even sit next to him during meals anymore.
Sometimes, their gazes meet in class and when they hang out with the others in the common rooms. At those moments, Blaine’s amazing, gem-like eyes can’t hide his distress...his vulnerability. Sebastian wants to give him a hug and tell him everything’s fine. But it’s not.
Eventually, Blaine approaches Sebastian after the Warblers’ rehearsal the following week. They walk back to the dorms together, and when they’re alone, Blaine starts to talk in a quiet voice.
“I’m sorry for having been so distant lately. I was mad at you for making me feel bad, but I’ve realized that it’s my own fault. Sometimes, I’m just...too touchy. And not being friends with you is even harder than being friends.” There’s a coy smile on Blaine’s lips. “I think you’re right. It’s time to meet somebody new. Someone who wants the same thing.”
Sebastian will never get over how Blaine can make him feel two completely contradicting feelings at the same time. On the one hand, he’s incredibly happy that Blaine is talking with him and even smiling at him again. But that sudden willingness to meet someone new is as hurtful as a dagger piercing Sebastian’s heart - even though he’s the one who came up with the idea in the first place. Sebastian has to remind himself that it’s indeed the right thing to do. They both know it.
“Alright. Friday?” Sebastian asks, cocking his head in anticipation. Playing tough.
Blaine nods slowly. “Okay. I can drive again if you want...if you let me drive your car, that is.”
“Of course, thanks for the offer.” Sebastian sure as hell needs to get drunk that night.
“Should I ask the others if they wanna come?”
“I already did...seems like they’re not so much into gay clubs after all,” Sebastian admits, somewhat abashed. “But I swear they went there before, and they liked it. It’s a cool place.”
“I believe you. Looking forward to it,” Blaine replies with an unconvincing, tight smile that doesn’t quite reach his luminous eyes. It’s quite obvious that he doesn’t mean it. He seems tired...too tired to keep acting.
An uncanny feeling overcomes Sebastian, and he can’t quite shake it, no matter how hard he tries.
On the Friday of the third week of school, Sebastian can barely contain his excitement and anxiety. During the past week, he realized that there’s a good chance his idea might completely backfire, just like Hunter predicted. There’s a chance that Sebastian can’t even be friends with Blaine anymore if he gets a new boyfriend. There’s also a chance that Blaine doesn’t want to be friends with Sebastian anymore after seeing him with another guy.
Actually, Sebastian could have gone to The Monastery alone that past weekend. Just to hook up with someone, and that probably would’ve been a better solution than going there with Blaine, but Sebastian couldn’t do it somehow. It would’ve felt unfair in a way. He feels like he doesn’t deserve to make out with another guy as long as Blaine doesn’t have someone else too. Making sure that Blaine gets what he needs is the least Sebastian can do.
After Blaine’s apology and the renewed agreement to go to the club together, they’ve started to talk again. Blaine also sits next to him at meals again, although their conversations remain rather superficial and stilted. It feels as if Blaine had put up a wall around himself.
In class, Sebastian can concentrate a little better than during the first week, but Blaine has developed a habit of throwing him weird looks. Blaine also doesn’t raise his hand and participate in discussions so often anymore. He seems distracted and glum, reminding Sebastian about what Nick had told him. Frankly, Blaine seems pretty depressed, and Sebastian hopes that going out will lighten up his mood.
On Friday evening, Sebastian receives a message from Blaine that sends his pulse soaring.
[09:06 PM] Can you come over to my room whenever you have time?
Sebastian jumps up as soon as he’s read it and rushes two doors down the hall. Hesitantly, he knocks on Blaine’s door. During the first week, they’d repeatedly hung out in Sebastian’s room to watch shows, but never at Blaine’s. Sebastian has only been inside that room twice, and it felt almost like a divine experience. Not that Sebastian gives a fuck about religion, but he still feels some strange kind of awe whenever he enters a church. He feels like that when he enters Blaine’s room too.
Blaine opens the door just a few seconds after the knock, welcoming Sebastian to his realm with a sheepish smile. His ebony hair is wet and messy; he’s probably just taken a shower.
In order to maintain his own sanity, Sebastian tries to ignore Blaine’s bed - the altar - and inspects the rest of the room instead. It’s just as tidy and organized as it was the last time. Blaine has put up a few photographs on his desk. Most of them show people from McKinley, and Sebastian recognizes the ripped blond guy with the big mouth. He’s in every single one of them. Slightly unsettled, Sebastian wonders if Blaine has the hots for him, but he’s relieved to see that none of the photos show Hummel.
“What can I do for you?” Sebastian asks, almost dying from curiosity.
Blaine presses his lips together, visibly embarrassed. “I don’t know what to wear. Maybe you can help me choose something...because you know what the guys there like.”
Sebastian can’t hold back a chuckle. “Seriously? You have a really cool, distinct style. Why do you question it?”
“I don’t know...I just think that Columbus isn’t Lima. I don’t wanna look like some small-town boy.”
“You couldn’t look like a small-town boy if you tried,” Sebastian laughs. “I think what you’re saying is that you wanna look sexy.”
Blaine’s sheepish smile is so adorable, Sebastian wants to kiss him and never stop. “Yeah, I guess that’s it,” he admits.
“You always look sexy, but alright. Let me see your clothes. I hope you brought a few pairs of those really tight pants.”
“I did...and thanks,” Blaine chuckles and shows Sebastian his wardrobe. It’s mostly filled with several sets of uniform pants and shirts, but there are also some casual clothes to choose from.
Sebastian picks a pair of maroon pants and a white tight-fit t-shirt that has a few buttons at the front to make the neckline wider and reveal the collarbone.
“It’s always hot there, and you wanna show off your body. Put this shirt on, and open a few of those buttons. Two to be precise.”
“Okay, thank you,” Blaine says, smiling. “What about my hair? Gel or no gel?”
“What makes you feel better?”
“Gel, definitely.”
“Gel up then,” Sebastian smirks. “But maybe use a little less than you would at school. So...see you at ten-thirty in the parking lot? Use the back door to sneak out. It’s better if they don’t see us leaving together in case we get caught.”
“Sure,” Blaine agrees, sounding unexpectedly cheerful. Sebastian almost has the feeling that Blaine is really looking forward to going out now.
An hour later, Blaine appears in the parking lot only a few minutes after Sebastian. Underneath his open black pea coat, he’s wearing the clothes Sebastian picked for him. He looks absolutely gorgeous.
“Damn, I should’ve chosen something else for you to wear. Now I’ll only have eyes for you all night,” Sebastian mumbles with a chuckle. The awful tickling in the pit of his stomach is bugging him again.
Blaine reacts with a flattered smile that quickly turns into a forlorn frown. Maybe Sebastian shouldn’t have said that.
“Do you wanna drive now too? Or only back?” Sebastian asks to distract from his faux pas.
“Hmm...considering I’m not familiar with driving such a hot ride, I should probably practice while you’re still sober,” Blaine responds, forcing a grin.
Getting in the passenger seat of his new Mustang makes Sebastian feel fairly weird, but watching Blaine drive it is definitely worth it.
“Do you already have any plans for your birthday? It’s in less than two weeks, right?” Sebastian asks, trying to start an innocuous conversation as Blaine pulls out of the parking lot.
“Yeah, but I haven’t planned anything at all,” Blaine says, sounding surprisingly indifferent considering they’re talking about his eighteenth birthday.
“But it’s a special one.”
“Well...yeah, but it’s on a Tuesday. My dad wants to pick me up on the following Friday to take me home. I can imagine that my mom is planning something for that weekend...or maybe Sam and Tina...I don’t know.”
“We’ll have to celebrate at Dalton too though,” Sebastian says, grinning, trying to get Blaine excited. “I hope you don’t have any club meetings on Tuesday nights.”
“Actually, soccer training is on Tuesdays.”
“Oh, okay...how about I skip lacrosse and watch you play soccer instead? And afterwards, we’ll celebrate with the Warblers.”
“You wanna skip lacrosse to watch me play soccer?” Blaine asks incredulously.
“Duh, obviously,” Sebastian smirks. “I bet you kill at it. Just like you do at everything else.”
“Alright then,” Blaine murmurs, visibly flattered and somewhat abashed.
Sebastian can’t come up with another safe topic, but thankfully, the drive to The Monastery isn’t very long.
Since there’s a line in front of the entrance, they keep their coats on until they’re inside and leave them at the cloakroom. Of course they don’t have a problem getting into the club; Sebastian knows the bouncers quite well after having bribed them repeatedly.
The Monastery is at least ten times the size of Scandals, and a hundred times more stylish and classy. There are about a dozen disco balls hanging from the ceiling, and their reflections paint the modern interior of the club with colorful lights. Sebastian is pleased to see Blaine’s astonished expression.
This club is Sebastian’s home-turf. He used to come here almost every weekend before Hunter started his mission to bring Blaine back to Dalton back in November. Most of the regular customers know him - very intimately at that. The guys are younger and hotter than at Scandals, and the music is way more contemporary, mostly electronic. It’s also louder, and Sebastian just loves the feeling of the rhythmic beats pulsing through his entire body. It always seems to shake all of his negative feelings out of him, setting him free.
Just like any other night, not just the air is hot and smokey - there are also quite a few smoking hot guys around. But Sebastian’s own prophecy proves to be self-fulfilling. He can’t take his eyes off Blaine. That white t-shirt and the maroon pants suit him like a second skin, accentuating all the right curves of his body...from his broad shoulders to his stunning ass and thighs.
Sebastian is clearly not the only one who thinks that Blaine looks like sex on a stick. On the way to the bar, many pairs of eyes follow them. He knows the guys are checking him out too, but many already know Sebastian. He’s probably made out with quite a few of them, and now they’re curious about the new guy. Admittedly, their interest in Blaine makes Sebastian’s skin crawl.
For a moment, Sebastian wonders again what it would be like if Blaine was his boyfriend. If that was the case, he wouldn’t have to worry. Blaine would be his, and the others wouldn’t stand a chance. They’d be watching them dance with envy. But as of now, Blaine is still on the market, and Sebastian has actually brought him there. What an incredibly dumb idea.
Blaine, however, doesn’t seem to care much for the guys staring at him. He suddenly looks uncomfortable, or even slightly upset. He steps behind Sebastian as if he wants to hide behind his back.
“Something wrong?” Sebastian asks loudly to drown out the music.
“What were the odds that this guy is here? It’s basically impossible, but there he is,” Blaine groans unhappily.
Sebastian looks around in confusion. “Which guy?”
“Ugh...you know about the ‘Gap Attack’, don’t you?”
“Of course, it’s pretty legendary.”
“Yeah, well...the guy I sang for, Jeremiah...I thought he lived in Lima, so I don’t even know what he’s doing here, but...of course he has to be here that one night I go out,” Blaine rambles desperately. “I was so hoping I’d never have to see him again.”
Sebastian doesn’t really get why Blaine is so upset. When they’d been friends before the Slushie incident, Blaine even used to be able to laugh about that story. But it seems like Blaine’s current precarious state of mind has allowed all of the negativity and embarrassment that he must’ve felt at some point after being rejected by Jeremiah to resurface.
“Who cares? That was a long time ago,” Sebastian tries to soothe him.
“He lost his job because of me!”
Blaine looks so anguished that Sebastian feels like he urgently needs to do something about it. “You know what? How about you’re the one who gets to drink tonight?” he suggests. “You probably need it more than me now. I’ll drive back.”
The way Blaine looks up at him with his mesmerizing, distraught hazel eyes makes Sebastian wish he had a bouquet of flowers he could give him along with a gentle kiss.
“Really?” Blaine asks, sounding rather unconvinced.
“Yeah! What do you want? Beer? A cocktail? Something harder?”
“I don’t know...can you recommend anything?”
“Hmmm...I think you need something French. Ever tried Cointreau?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Okay, you’ll get my favorite cocktail then.”
A few minutes later, Sebastian hands Blaine a glass of Orange Passion and clinks his bottle of coke against it.
“So...to us being friends again?” Sebastian asks carefully.
“Absolutely,” Blaine agrees hastily and empties half the glass with one big gulp. “Wow. This is strong,” he manages to say before he starts to cough heavily.
Sebastian bursts into hearty laughter. “At this place, you get a real bang for your buck. In contrast to fucking Scandals, at least.”
The alcohol seems to go straight to Blaine’s head, and he quickly loosens up. He doesn’t even hide behind Sebastian when the curly guy he’s afraid of suddenly stands next to them.
“Blaine?” the guy asks, clearly taken by surprise. He’s actually quite handsome, but his long, fuzzy hair is way too wild for Sebastian’s taste.
“Heeey, Jeremiah,” Blaine greets him cheerfully, giving him a hug as if they were old buddies. “How have you been?”
Sebastian doesn’t understand every word that is exchanged because the music is so loud, but he can tell what they’re saying by watching them.
“Good, I-...I heard you’d left Dalton. Are you visiting a friend?” Jeremiah asks. In contrast to tipsy Blaine, he seems quite uncomfortable.
“No...I mean, yes! I left Dalton, but now I’m back,” Blaine explains enthusiastically.
Thankfully, Jeremiah doesn’t seem too interested in a longer conversation and disappears before Sebastian has to think of something awful to say in order to drive him away. Seeing Blaine with a former crush is painful, and he’s glad that Hummel is a few hundred miles away. But there are dozens of potential new crushes all around them. It makes Sebastian feel sick to his stomach.
Blaine’s mood has lightened up significantly since the alcohol has kicked in, and he does something Sebastian has been very much afraid of. It’s why he wanted someone else to come with them. Blaine asks him to dance.
Dancing with Blaine is pretty much the opposite of why Sebastian had wanted to go to this place, yet he can’t say no. Not if dancing with Blaine means that he can make him happy.
But Sebastian soon realizes that the way Blaine dances with him is fucking flirtatious again. It’s downright seductive, in fact. Blaine seems to have forgotten what’s gone down between them in the previous weeks. It’s Scandals all over again, except that Sebastian is the sober one this time.
Blaine’s super hot outfit, the longing glow in his eyes, his sensual movements...everything is so irresistible. Sebastian has to constantly remind himself that he’s taken Blaine to the club to hit the kill switch, to end both of their suffering by shifting their focus onto other guys.
When Blaine comes closer and closer, encircling Sebastian’s shoulders with his hands, swirling his hips dangerously close to Sebastian’s crotch, it becomes too much to bear. Sebastian has to hit the emergency break.
“Woah, Killer!” he blurts out.
Killer. It’s just a stupid nickname, but it couldn’t be more appropriate. At this point, Sebastian really feels like Blaine will be the end of him, the cause of his demise; the one who’ll slay his heart by ripping it into a million pieces. Or is Sebastian ultimately doing that to himself?
“You gotta take it easy. You’re getting me all excited,” Sebastian adds, forcing a smile despite his growing desperation.
Blaine gazes up at Sebastian with his breathtaking jewel eyes, smiling seductively and wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s neck. “Is that so bad?”
Sebastian knows Blaine is pretty drunk, so maybe he can’t be blamed for his actions. But it’s just too much. It’s unfair.
“It actually is,” Sebastian retorts in a tone that no longer hides his agitation. He grabs Blaine’s hands and pulls them off himself. “You were the one who told me we could only be friends without getting physical, and I’ve stuck to that deal. But do you think that doesn’t apply to you? You’re making this fucking hard for me. You’re the one who didn’t want the benefits, so why do you act like you’re begging for them now?”
Blaine instantly stops dancing, staring at Sebastian dumbfounded for a moment before his face darkens. Maybe he’s embarrassed by his own drunken sassiness, or maybe he’s mad at Sebastian. His voice sounds like the latter when he snaps, “You make being friends just as hard because you keep acting like a dick!”
“What?” Sebastian gasps incredulously.
“Don’t tell me that you really thought bringing me here was a good idea! To look for other guys? Together? Are you insane? How clueless are you?”
“Well, I thought that’s something friends without benefits might do together. I thought that’s what we both needed,” Sebastian defends his dumb idea.
“How dare you presume to know what I need? You don’t even know what you need!” Blaine shouts angrily.
Sebastian should’ve known. There’s been something explosive between them the entire time. Hunter’s right, it’s a suicide mission. It’s the kind of drama Sebastian doesn’t want to deal with and that shouldn’t be happening between friends. Maybe being just friends with Blaine is impossible; a paradox. It’s so damn frustrating.
“Holy shit, I really need a blowjob now,” Sebastian mumbles, immediately wishing he hadn’t said it out loud. Judging by Blaine’s upset expression, he’s heard it, or at least read his lips. Sebastian quickly tries to fix the mess, forcing another smile. “Look...for all you know, the man of your dreams could be watching us right now. We don’t want him to think you’re taken. That’s why we shouldn’t be dancing like that.” Sebastian tries to sound convincing. He tries.
Blaine averts his face, avoiding eye contact, and Sebastian decides it’s better to give him some space. He backs off a few feet, keeping his gaze fixed on him. They both have to cool down before one of them might say something they’d regret.
All of a sudden, literally no more than fifteen seconds after Sebastian leaves him, another guy approaches Blaine. Sebastian knows him. It’s Dylan, a student at Ohio State. Sebastian once tried to get him to hook up, but Dylan wasn’t interested. He’s clearly interested in Blaine, though. He’s probably been watching them and waiting for Sebastian to disappear. Dylan’s handsome, and there’s a good chance he’s looking for the same thing Blaine wants, otherwise he surely wouldn’t have brushed off Sebastian’s offer to hook up.
So this is what hitting the kill switch feels like. Like putting your own fucking heart through a shredder.
Blaine looks surprised; shy, even. He briefly searches Sebastian’s gaze, clearly unsure of what to do. Sebastian reacts with an encouraging smile that’s entirely fake.
Go on. That’s what we’re here for...right?
In a state of despair, Sebastian walks back to the bar to get another drink. For a second, he considers ordering alcohol. He really feels like he needs it, but he has to be responsible and get Blaine home safely, so he asks for a bottle of water instead.
Sebastian Smythe orders water at The Monastery. It’s downright scandalous.
After he’s taken the first sip of the cool, clear liquid, he feels a hand on his waist. He looks up at the guy next to him. It’s Anthony. Tall, ripped, pretty face, nice dick. It’s such a cliché, but he’s actually a gym instructor. Sebastian has hooked up with him several times because he’s one of the hottest guys frequenting the club. Not nearly as hot as Blaine of course.
“Hey, Bas,” Anthony greets him in his deep, sexy voice. “How’s it going? Haven’t seen you here in ages.”
“Uh, hi.” Sebastian isn’t quite sure if he wants to talk to Anthony, let alone be touched by him. But frankly, Anthony is the perfect guy for a hook-up. There’s usually not much talk. They go to the bathroom, fuck one way or the other, and then they go their separate ways. “Yeah, I’ve been busy. School and shit.”
“Sounds like you need to blow off some steam,” Anthony says, raising one eyebrow and challenging Sebastian with a smirk.
From where Sebastian is standing, he can see Blaine talking with Dylan. They’re smiling at each other, and they’re laughing a lot. Too much, in fact. And now they’re dancing. It’s agonizing.
“Yeah, I guess,” Sebastian admits, and before he knows it, Anthony is dancing in front of him, moving closer until several of their body parts are touching.
But Blaine and Dylan are the only thing occupying Sebastian’s mind. Excruciating images keep appearing inside his head. He can’t help but picture Dylan dancing closely with Blaine, suddenly pulling him into a kiss...Dylan’s hands on Blaine’s neck, his tongue in Blaine’s mouth, claiming him...Dylan tearing Blaine’s clothes off, then on top of him, penetrating that sacred body...
Again, Sebastian feels like he’s about to throw up. He forces himself to actually look at Blaine and Dylan. They’re just talking and dancing, but Sebastian’s horrific dark visions could become true...and if they did, it would obviously be best for everyone. Blaine is supposed to find another guy.
But the green-eyed monster inside Sebastian has been aroused. With jealousy comes frustration, anger, and aggression. He fucking hates Dylan for hitting on Blaine, and he hates Blaine for being all Sebastian’s wants and can’t have because of...reasons.
Sebastian is torn out of his nightmarish reveries by Anthony’s tongue suddenly pushing inside his mouth. Sebastian’s first impulse is to pull away, but maybe this is what it takes to make him feel better. Making out with a guy who means nothing - isn’t that exactly what he wants?
It turns out that it’s not what he wants. It doesn’t feel good, so Sebastian eventually does pull away from Anthony. His gaze automatically wanders back to Blaine, and to his horror he realizes that Blaine is staring at him with a mixture of disgust and pain. It makes Sebastian feel even sicker, but he still needs that blowjob, and Dylan is still dancing next to Blaine.
“Damn it, Tony. You know that I’m not into kissing.” At least not anyone other than Blaine. “Let’s just go to the bathroom,” Sebastian grits out before rushing towards the back of the club, out of Blaine’s sight.
Anthony follows Sebastian into a bathroom stall and locks the door behind them. “Wow, you need it that badly, huh?” he assesses, grinning. “Well, you usually like this kind of kiss...” He pushes Sebastian against a wall of the bathroom stall, starting to kiss his neck, slowly working his way down to his collarbone while closing his hands around Sebastian’s waist.
Practice has taught Anthony what he likes, and Sebastian would usually melt under his touch and kisses. But this time, he can only think about Blaine’s hurt expression after seeing Anthony kissing him, and about the harrowing images of Dylan claiming Blaine that his mind has conjured up.
Unaware of the chaos in Sebastian’s mind, Anthony starts to open his belt and pants, slowly sinking down onto his knees. Sebastian stares down at him in utter indifference. He’s not even hard, and he’s pretty sure that Anthony’s lips and tongue won’t change anything about that. Moments like this used to be the spice of Sebastian’s life, but right now everything feels wrong. He’s not remotely turned on, and he doesn’t even want to be.
As Anthony hooks his fingers underneath the waistband of Sebastian’s boxer briefs to pull them down, it’s suddenly crystal-clear that this can’t happen. Sebastian tears Anthony’s hands off him and hastily closes his pants and belt again.
“I can’t do this,” he gasps, unlocking the door of the stall and fleeing out of the bathroom. He doesn’t even look back at Anthony, who’s still on his knees.
For a moment, Sebastian doesn’t know what to do or where to go. He actually wants to go home, but he can’t leave without Blaine. Plucking up the courage, he fights through the crowd, heading in the direction where he last saw Blaine and Dylan. He braces himself for the worst. They’re probably already dancing in a tight embrace, or even kissing...
When Sebastian locates them, he feels endlessly relieved to see them dancing with a considerable distance between them. Blaine looks like he’s moderately enjoying himself, smiling at Dylan every now and then, but Sebastian knows it’s fake.
“I wanna leave,” Sebastian tells Blaine after walking up to him and throwing Dylan a scornful look.
“Already?” Blaine asks coldly. “Okay, whatever...”
Sebastian watches Blaine say goodbye to Dylan and hug him. He can’t help but feel like wanting to smash in Dylan’s handsome face.
Blaine and Sebastian retrieve their coats and walk back to the car in silence. Snow has started to fall, and the ground is already covered in a myriad of white, star-shaped water crystals. After removing the snow from the car windows and getting in the driver’s seat, Sebastian turns on the music so they don’t have to talk.
Yet after a while, Blaine asks drily, “How was the blowjob?” He sounds angry and bitter, the opposite of what he was supposed to sound like after their night out.
The plan hasn’t worked, so Sebastian is just as pissed off. “Excellent,” he lies in a similarly cold tone. “What about you? Did you kiss Dylan?”
Blaine snorts scornfully. “I don’t kiss random guys. We just danced, that’s all. And I got his number.”
“Ha. So I’m not just a random guy,” Sebastian remarks. He doesn’t even know why he says it, maybe he’s thinking out loud.
Out of the corner of his right eye, Sebastian can see Blaine shaking his head disdainfully. He looks over to him for half a second, just to immediately turn his face away again in shame. Blaine looks so utterly miserable, it’s hard to bear. And Sebastian knows he’s responsible for it.
The rest of the drive back to Dalton is silent, except for the music from the radio. Every now and then, Sebastian checks on Blaine by looking at him. He seems to be fuming and just as hurt. It’s not what was supposed to happen, and Sebastian desperately needs to fix the situation.
As Sebastian turns off the Mustang in the Dalton parking lot, Blaine has already taken off the seat belt and his hand is on the door handle, ready to rush out of the car.
“Blaine...wait,” Sebastian asks him pleadingly.
Blaine freezes and turns to him with an impatient questioning look. He’s still visibly upset.
Sebastian’s gaze drops to the steering wheel in front of him. “There was no blowjob.”
There’s an awkward pause before Blaine comments with cold sarcasm, “I’m sorry that didn’t work out for you. What a waste of a night.”
“I just couldn’t do it...” Sebastian murmurs, barely audible.
When Sebastian looks back at him, there’s a spark of confusion in Blaine’s eyes. They’re piercing Sebastian like lasers. “Why?”
“Because...it wasn’t you!” Sebastian blurts out. It sounds so desperate, almost like an accusation.
As he stares at Sebastian, angry tears start welling up in Blaine’s eyes, misery written all over his face. “You know what? Fuck you, Sebastian!”
Without waiting for Sebastian’s reaction, Blaine gets out of the car, forcefully slamming the passenger door and rushing back to the school building.
Sebastian stays in the car for a few more minutes, watching snowflakes peacefully land on the windshield. He’s feeling numb, as if his body has decided to temporarily protect him from the pain that will surely hit him with its full force soon. It’s just like Hunter had predicted minus the punch, but Sebastian even feels as if he’s been punched in the gut. He’s at his wit’s end - although, he thinks ruefully, it can be disputed that his plan had been anything but witty in the first place.
He drags himself back to the dorms, not even caring if he gets caught sneaking back in. Back in his room, he carelessly drops his parka to the ground and lowers himself onto the bed. The numbness is fading, and he’s feeling really shitty now. He grabs his headphones from the nightstand, plugging them into his phone.
The first song coming up is one he often listens to when he feels like this. It’s the song he slow danced to with Blaine at Scandals, Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. Back then, Blaine had turned him down, although he later said that he’d actually wanted to kiss him. Now it’s Sebastian who keeps turning Blaine down because they have a pact demanding they keep their friendship purely platonic.
Sebastian doesn’t get why Blaine has started to actively try to break that pact. It’s supposed to protect him. Is he attempting to hurt himself by ignoring their agreement? It could be the self-destructiveness Blaine’s mother had diagnosed in him.
It’s quite noticeable that Blaine has been talking himself down a lot lately. Blaine had actually assumed the Warblers might hate him. Then there was that thing about not being the “sporty type.” His fear that college admission officers might think he’s a “sociopath.” That he didn’t think his style would be cool enough for a club in Columbus. All that reminds Sebastian of the self-loathing tendencies he’d seen in Blaine while confessing that he’d cheated on Hummel that night in the Dalton parking lot in early December. Maybe he’s indeed succumbing to his self-destructive tendencies.
Blaine...Blaine...Blaine...what’s wrong with you? What’s wrong with me?
Sebastian doesn’t move for a while. He’s still wearing his clothes, and the light is still on. He wishes it was dark all around him so he could pretend he didn’t exist, but he feels too powerless to get up and turn the light off. So he closes his eyes instead and lets the darkness consume him.
He doesn’t know how long he’s lying on his bed like that, but his eyes are still closed when the door to his room is suddenly pushed open. Bewildered by the sound, Sebastian tears his headphones off and jolts up into a seated position.
Blaine is standing in front of him. He’s also still wearing the same clothes he wore at the club. Although he still looks amazing, the expression on his face is alarming. It’s a dangerous mixture of determination and apprehension. After locking the door behind him, he slowly walks towards Sebastian’s bed.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I don’t even care anymore. I’m sick of this bullshit,” Blaine says in a shaky voice. “If you need sex so badly, let’s just do it. Forget what I said before, I...I’m a guy, I need it too, so...”
Blaine climbs onto the bed, and before Sebastian knows what’s happening, Blaine’s lush lips are pressed to his neck, exactly where Anthony’s lips had touched him earlier. But this time, Sebastian feels his skin burn with desire, and his dick reacts in record time.
As if he knew exactly how to drive Sebastian crazy, Blaine lasciviously kisses and licks the most sensitive spots underneath his ear. While working his way downwards, he boldly slips his hands underneath Sebastian’s shirt, mapping his abs and back, pulling him closer.
Taken by surprise, Sebastian doesn’t resist. How could he? Blaine entering his room at night with the intention to fuck is one of Sebastian’s most treasured fantasies, and he really needs to get his rocks off. But this...it’s just so incredibly wrong. He remembers how Blaine thanked him for not taking advantage of him after their last ill-fated kiss...he’d been so vulnerable and sincere.
As Blaine starts to undress himself, pulling his shirt off in one swift motion, Sebastian feels how lust is slowly getting the best of him. He fights hard to maintain control over himself, finally managing to pull away when Blaine tries to kiss him on his lips this time. “Stop...what are you doing?”
Ignoring Sebastian’s question, Blaine simply leans back into him, attempting to press his lips against Sebastian’s.
“Hey, stop...Blaine...stop! Why are you doing this?” Sebastian mumbles, softly pushing against Blaine’s bare chest to keep him from reaching his lips. He wants to touch more of him so badly, but the entire situation is more than wrong. It’s downright toxic.
For the first time since Blaine has entered the room, Sebastian looks him in the eyes. The desire he’d seen glistening in them on New Year’s Eve isn’t there. What Sebastian sees now is nothing but despair.
Blaine’s breathing has accelerated, but he seems agitated rather than aroused. “Seeing that guy kissing you...and thinking that he was sucking you off...that almost killed me,” he stammers. “If being friends with benefits means that you’ll hook up with others less frequently, it’s worth it for me. You won. I want you...I want this...”
“No...no, Blaine. I didn’t win. This isn’t a competition or a battle,” Sebastian tries to talk him out of his state of anguish. “You had another drink with Dylan, right? You’re probably still a bit drunk. We can’t do this; you’d only regret it...it’s not what you want.”
“It’s just sex, I’ll handle it. I want it...” Blaine leans forward to kiss Sebastian again, his hands moving down to open Sebastian’s belt.
“No, stop!” Sebastian exclaims harshly, pushing Blaine back again, harder this time. They stare at each other in bewilderment. “It wouldn’t be ‘just sex’ for you, Blaine! And for what it’s worth, it wouldn’t be for me either...”
“I just don’t get you!” Blaine hisses, irate in his helplessness. Tears are welling up in his eyes again. “You made it very clear that you’ve wanted to screw me since the moment you first saw me! Do you have any idea how hard it was to stick to my ‘no’ while I was with Kurt? And here I am, finally caving in, but now you suddenly don’t want it anymore?”
Sebastian can’t wrap his head around what’s happening. Blaine has clearly thrown any instinct of self-preservation overboard, desperately trying to give him what he wants. But somehow, Sebastian doesn’t even want it now. Not like this.
“I promised not to take advantage of you, and I’m not gonna break that promise,” Sebastian says as gently as possible. “You mean too much to me...”
“If I mean so much to you, why did you drag me to that club? Did you think I’d enjoy watching you make out with other guys?” Blaine spits.
“No! I wanted you to find someone else, someone who’s...better than me.”
“Obviously, I didn’t find anyone better, and I don’t want to!” Blaine retorts, sniffing, and his voice breaks. “I get that you’re not gonna change your mind about us, but you could at least accept that I’ve changed mine!”
“You shouldn’t have.”
It shouldn’t have gone this far. Even without being in a relationship, Blaine is compromising for Sebastian - in the worst way possible, disregarding his own feelings and what’s good for him. They’re not even a couple, and yet Blaine is hurting because of Sebastian. It has to stop.
“Okay, I guess I’m just making a fool of myself once again,” Blaine mumbles resentfully, “the very same night I met Jeremiah again. I guess that’s what they call a quirk of fate.” He grabs his shirt, hastily putting it back on and jumping off the bed.
“You’re not making a fool of yourself. You’re not the one who...” Sebastian desperately tries to find the right words, but Blaine isn’t listening.
“Just forget it...forget this happened,” he murmurs and leaves the room before Sebastian can stop him.
Blaine closes the door soundlessly, but throwing it shut with a bang would’ve had the same impact on Sebastian. Everything is suddenly in shambles.
Sebastian stares at the closed door, slowly accepting the inevitable. His last resort was a figment of his imagination. The kill switch didn’t work...because there is no kill switch.
In the end, it’s not even a choice anymore. Plunging into the deep end is the only option left.
Ten minutes after Blaine left his room, Sebastian surrenders. He takes his phone and opens his chat with Blaine.
[02:27 AM] i’ve been working on a playlist for you... https://youtu.be/tydYcjMo1Pw
Blaine must’ve been holding his phone in his hands too. He replies only seconds later.
[02:28 AM] What? That’s just one song
Sebastian closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens them again, he types,
[02:28 AM] listen...
It’s the song that’s been stuck in his head, Pageant of the Bizarre by Zero 7.
“It’s never gonna be
Normal, you and me
What you’re signing on for
Is a storm at sea”
The song is everything Sebastian wants to say to Blaine, and everything he can’t say. It’s an offer, but it’s also a warning. A storm at sea - that’s what Sebastian’s mind often feels like. But who would be better suited to handle it but Blaine, God of the Waters?
“So if you think you’re tough
Give me all your love
And I’ll give you every little piece of me”
Sebastian gets up and leaves his room. He sneaks past the door to Nick’s room and stops in front of Blaine’s. He can hear the song playing inside.
“...and tonight I give you my heart.”
When the song is over, Blaine listens to it again. Sebastian waits a few more minutes until it’s silent again, then he softly knocks on the door and steps inside. Blaine is sitting on his bed, staring at Sebastian as if he’s seen a ghost, still holding the phone in his hand. They look at each other wordlessly for a long, heavy moment.
Finally, Sebastian lets his guard down. He pours it all out.
“I’m an idiot. I really think you deserve better. I’ve hurt you, and I’m scared shitless I might hurt you again. And I’m afraid of getting hurt too. But I...I really like you, and I wanna be with you. I’m not ready for it. I still don’t think that I’m...boyfriend material, but...” He walks towards Blaine’s bed and sits down next to him. “I’m sorry for making you feel bad. I just don’t know how to deal with it, and I’ve obviously been dealing with it in the worst way possible. But I wanna try and...crap, I hate talking about feelings. Let me just...”
Sebastian slowly leans towards Blaine, carefully observing his reaction. When he’s sure that Blaine is okay with his move, Sebastian cradles Blaine’s face tenderly between his hands and closes his eyes, bending down and seeking Blaine’s lips with his own. As he finds them, feeling the soft, warm curves brushing against his own eager mouth, something finally clicks for Sebastian. The world is no longer out of kilter.
Suddenly, Sebastian doesn’t even know anymore what it was that had been holding him back. This was always going to happen; it was inevitable and had been clear all along. It had been clear when Blaine sang Dark Side directly at him. When their eyes met on Dalton’s main stairwell during Blaine’s visit. When they danced at Scandals. When Blaine told Sebastian he was too good for a hook-up. When Sebastian listened to the playlist for the first time. When they kissed in the pool on New Year’s Eve. Whenever they tried so hard to be just friends...
Gradually, almost as if in slow motion, their lips begin to gently and carefully move with each other. There’s no hurry and there are no doubts. This time, everything is right, flawless.
Sebastian feels as if an invisible fist inside the pit of his stomach has finally unclenched, releasing the butterflies, or rose petals, or snowflakes inside him. The tickling...it’s no longer confined to his stomach. It’s suddenly everywhere, and it’s incredible.
So this is what being in love can feel like...fucking amazing.
Sebastian almost gets a little dizzy with euphoria when he feels Blaine smiling against his lips. Eventually, Blaine starts teasing him with the tip of his tongue, sliding it sensually along his, and their kiss deepens. Their tongues meet with a hunger that’s been simmering for over a year as their hands claim each other’s bodies, overwriting the memories of anybody else’s touch. There’s only them now, no one else.
When Blaine’s hands slip underneath his shirt again, Sebastian softly pulls away. He smiles at Blaine, tenderly running his fingers through his black hair, freeing some curls from the dried gel.
“Do you wanna stay here tonight?” Blaine whispers. Desire is dancing like flames in his eyes once again. The narrow rings around the lust-blown black circles look almost golden.
“Uhh...yes, but no,” Sebastian answers with a sheepish smile. “I know you trust me, but I don’t trust myself, and I don’t trust you either after that stunt. There’s just so much potential for me to fuck this up, and I wanna show you that I’m taking this seriously. That’s why...umm...I think we should take it slow. Actually, before we do anything more intimate, I kinda wanna ask you out...on a date.”
“A date?” Blaine gasps incredulously, his eyes glistening with fascination.
“Yeah,” Sebastian confirms. “And I wonder if we should wait at least another eleven days before going out on one, because if I officially date you before you’re eighteen, your dad will probably try to sue me again. I really can’t risk that.”
“No, he won’t,” Blaine laughs. “That’s ridiculous.”
“What? I’m pretty scared of him.”
“In that case, I challenge you to come with me to Lima when he picks me up after my birthday. I can drive us back here in my car...which will hopefully have a new battery by then.”
“Hmmm...we haven’t been on our first date yet, and you already wanna introduce me to your scary dad? That sounds odd. Back-to-front,” Sebastian jokes. Everything seems so easy right now.
“Oh come on, we’ve done everything back-to-front so far,” Blaine retorts with a rumbling chuckle.
Sebastian can’t remember ever having seen Blaine so carefree and joyful. He’s sure he’s never seen anything quite as beautiful, and it makes his heart jump in his chest.
Maybe there’s a risk of hurting Blaine if they really become boyfriends. But he’ll also be able to make Blaine happy, and that’s the best feeling ever. No matter how much Sebastian has done wrong so far, he’s positive he’s finally made the right move.
“You’re probably right about that. Well...how about we start over?” Smirking, Sebastian holds out his hand to a slightly puzzled Blaine. “So you’re Blaine Anderson? I’m Sebastian Smythe. I heard that you’re a legend around here. And I don’t know how that’s even possible, but I also heard that you’re single. I guess I’m one lucky guy to meet you at this very strange time in your life.”
Blaine breaks into the brightest smile. “The luckiest,” he confirms.
Grinning, Sebastian shakes his head in disbelief. “Well, that’s kinda eerie now. You know that Ben Folds song?”
“The Luckiest? Yeah. I used to play it on the piano. It’s really beautiful...and romantic.”
“Mhmm. I was gonna put that song on the playlist for you.”
“Oh...I really like that list so far. When are you gonna give it to me?” Blaine asks with a sassy grin.
“Hey, you gotta cut me some slack, Blaine Anderson. We only just met.”
“Oh right, sorry. But can we still resume watching Teen Wolf where we left off? Watching the first few episodes all over again would be kinda boring. I’ve seen them three times now.”
“Pffft,” Sebastian counters cockily, “don’t worry, babe. I promise that you’ll never be bored in my presence.”
Blaine chuckles softly. “Did you just call me ‘babe’?” The smile on his face has an overall air of adorable shyness.
“Yeah, that might be my new nickname for you,” Sebastian grins, shrugging his shoulders.
It’s really time for a new one. Sebastian’s pretty sure Blaine won’t be the death of him after all...quite the opposite. Sebastian has never been so filled with bliss and serenity.
It rather feels like Blaine is giving him a brand new life.
“I don’t get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles
And falls brought me here
...
And in a wide sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know that I am
I am, I am the luckiest”
Chapter 8: Phoenix
Chapter Text
“Woah, Anderson! If you do that during a game, the ref will definitely give you a yellow card!”
“Sorry, coach! That was a little too...uh...ambitious, I guess,” Blaine responds ruefully, peeling himself off the artificial lawn and reaching one arm out to the guy who’d landed next to him on the ground to help him up.
It’s already dark and freezing cold. Sebastian could be sweating at his lacrosse training, but instead he’s frozen to the bone, standing at the sidelines of Dalton’s new soccer field, watching the soccer team’s practice. It’s a Tuesday and Blaine’s birthday, and Sebastian had promised to watch him play, before heading over together to the (surprise) birthday party that the Warblers planned to throw for him in their common room.
When thinking of the soccer practice, Sebastian had pictured Blaine sporting a tight jersey and figure-flattering shorts, but it seems like he’ll have to wait for that enticing sight for a few more months. It’s early February, so the soccer players are wearing their long Dalton sweatpants, sports jackets, as well as beanies, scarfs, and gloves.
There’s no reason for disappointment though. Blaine’s ass looks just as glorious in those sweatpants, and his each and every move is just as pleasing to the eye as it would be if it was high summer and the sun was shining. There’s pure elegance in the way Blaine dashes across the field, and the way the spikes on his soccer shoes dig into the ground whenever he changes his direction at full speed, chasing after the ball. Although the sweatpants hide Blaine’s strong, perfect thighs, Sebastian can visualize how his muscles contract whenever he starts to sprint. It’s simply alluring.
Sebastian had assumed Blaine would cut a good figure as a soccer player after having seen him dance and skate so gracefully, but he admittedly hadn’t expected to see him play with such determination. Maybe it’s just because Blaine wants to impress Sebastian again, or because he wants to prove to the other players that his comparably short height is in no way a disadvantage at the sport. The way he chases after the ball is almost obsessive. He appears to have the drive of a bloodhound going after its prey.
Blaine had just tackled another player while trying to reclaim the ball, accidentally causing the guy to stumble to the ground. While that slightly aggressive-looking attack may have been unintentional, it is quite obvious that Blaine doesn’t care about being sweet and pretty when he’s out on the field. So far Sebastian has seen that kind of self-confidence and boldness in him almost exclusively on stage, for example during performances at show choir competitions. Although Sebastian absolutely adores Blaine’s softer side, he can barely handle how much this vigorous, badass stud on the soccer field turns him on. He’s glad that he’s wearing his long parka because it hides the growing bulge in his uniform pants.
A sleeping lion seems to have awakened inside of Blaine, and not just on the soccer field. Ever since that fateful night at The Monastery (just eleven days ago), everything has changed.
Blaine has changed.
It’s as if Blaine has broken free from invisible chains, or a spell that had been holding him back. He carries his head at least an inch higher than before, and he walks the halls of Dalton as if he owns the place - and maybe he does, to some extent. At the most recent Warblers’ meetings, he’d even dared to speak up against Hunter, earning the support of every other Warbler (and more than one disgruntled look from their captain).
The pain and self-loathing that had so dominated Blaine’s demeanor in the past months seems pretty much gone. It must still be there, buried somewhere deep inside of him, but it no longer drags him down. Blaine appears to be genuinely happy now, and his vibrant disposition and disarming smiles light up the entire school despite the bleak winter weather.
The other day, Nick had asked Sebastian if he knew what had happened, remarking that he had the feeling “the old Blaine” had resurfaced out of nowhere, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes. Sebastian had only shrugged his shoulders and smirked despite knowing the reason for that change all too well...because that reason is him.
It’s only been eleven days since Blaine and Sebastian had both hit rock bottom. Things have been pretty awesome since then. They haven’t talked about a label yet. Not that Sebastian cares about that anyway. They’re not officially a couple, haven’t even been out on a real date yet. But whatever they are, or have, it’s absolutely thrilling.
Whenever they’re with others - during the day at meals, in class, or in the common rooms - they exchange challenging looks and conspiratorial smiles. And when they’re alone (almost every night after dinner), they watch Teen Wolf together again. They haven’t been making much progress on the show though, because whenever they start a new episode, the laptop screen is forgotten after no more than fifteen minutes.
Although they both agreed to take things slow, Blaine keeps finding new ways to distract Sebastian from the show. Sometimes he slowly slips his fingers underneath Sebastian’s shirt, sometimes he bluntly flicks his tongue against Sebastian’s ear. No matter which sneaky maneuver he comes up with, he always manages to capture Sebastian’s lips with his, and they end up making out for what seems like hours.
Since Sebastian confessed his feelings to him, “sassy Blaine” has been around a lot, radiating an electrifying cockiness that Sebastian simply can’t get enough of. He’s always loved that part of Blaine, which had so far manifested only in rare, fleeting moments. Now Blaine’s flirtatious smiles are becoming commonplace, inciting Sebastian in every single one of their shared classes. And when they have some privacy in their dorm rooms, it’s Blaine who tries to get into Sebastian’s pants while kissing on the bed.
But against his own expectations, Sebastian has so far stopped every single one of Blaine’s advances from getting more physical. It’s hard to believe, but it’s Sebastian who constantly has to remind Blaine that they both agreed to take it slow. It’s a bit like self-torture for Sebastian, especially because he hasn’t had sex in months. But maybe he deserves that kind of torment. Back when they’d first met, tempting Blaine with relentless sexual advances had been his favorite pastime, and Blaine’s current behavior is probably payback for that as it drives Sebastian (and his dick) to the brink of insanity.
It would be so easy to give in to his urges, but waiting seems to be the right thing to do because the potential for a fuckup is immense. Sebastian wants to prove to Blaine that he’s serious about wanting to be together and that he’s not just in it for sex. No matter how confident Blaine has been acting lately, Sebastian hasn’t forgotten about his vulnerability. He doesn’t want to hurt him ever again, so he needs to stay in full control of himself.
And then there’s also that stupid, unnecessary insecurity. In his imagination, Sebastian has slept with Blaine a million times, but now that it’s about to happen in real life, Sebastian feels unexpectedly nervous. Sex with feelings is something that he has no experience of whatsoever. So far, sex has only been about him and his gratification, but he’s sure it will be a lot different with Blaine.
Sebastian wants their first time to be special, and he doesn’t even know what that means. Laying Blaine down on a bed of roses? Blaine is definitely a romantic, but lately he’s been acting like any other horny teenage boy who simply wants to fuck. Sebastian might just be overthinking everything, and they should probably just let it happen naturally...
Maybe after Blaine’s birthday, Sebastian has been telling himself. He’d joked about being afraid of Blaine’s dad, suggesting they better wait until Blaine isn’t a minor anymore before they actually go on a date or have sex, so that Mr. Anderson won’t have another reason to threaten Sebastian with a lawsuit again.
The truth is, Sebastian wasn’t really joking. If this thing between him and Blaine is supposed to become something serious, he wants to be on good terms with Blaine’s parents. And after the Slushie mishap, getting there might turn out to be quite a challenge. Sebastian has agreed to go to Lima with Blaine the following Friday when Mr. Anderson will be picking him up, and that will be the first opportunity to leave a good impression on him.
Sebastian doesn’t only want to get along with Blaine’s parents but also with his friends in Lima. On Saturday, there will be another birthday party for Blaine with the McKinley Glee Club kids, and of course Sebastian has been invited as well. He’s not exactly looking forward to hanging out with people he loathes and who undoubtedly hate his guts too, but he’d do anything for Blaine at this point. It’s time to lay down his arms.
When soccer training is over, Blaine comes jogging over to Sebastian instead of following the others back to the gym. Little puffs of air visibly escape from his mouth whenever he exhales into the cold atmosphere. Blaine is smiling brightly, and for a second Sebastian thinks he’ll lean in to give him a quick kiss when he arrives at the sidelines. But Sebastian doesn’t get a kiss from Blaine, only a cocky grin. The usual teasing that has become their secret just-for-them game.
“So, how bad was I? Do you think I should quit immediately?” Blaine asks, pulling the beanie off his head and running his gloved right hand through his sweaty curls.
Sebastian can barely believe how gorgeous Blaine looks. He’d recently noticed that some strange phenomenon has been going on: Blaine is becoming more attractive with each passing day. It’s really hard to handle.
“Fuck, no!” Sebastian laughs, shaking his head. “But I’m gonna quit lacrosse so I can watch your practice every week from now on. I need to be there to witness your transformation from America’s gay sweetheart into a ruthless jock. By the way, it’s easy to tell that you’re a sucker for football and boxing. The soccer world will benefit immensely from your fighting spirit.”
“Haha, very funny,” Blaine counters sarcastically, visibly embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to topple that guy over. I just lose control over my feet sometimes.”
“Sure, Anderson,” Sebastian smirks. “Just like you do every time you try to dance or skate. Completely uncoordinated and out of control, and not at all super impressive and hot as hell. Come on, you can stop bullshitting me. I know you wanted to show the guy who’s boss and I fully endorse that.”
A flattered smile tugs on the corners of Blaine’s mouth, but he shakes his head before putting the beanie back on. “No, it was dumb. I wanna play fair, but I still need to get the hang of this sport. Anyways...I should take a quick shower and get ready for the party.”
“Which party?” Sebastian asks with feigned ignorance. “The one I’ve never told you about because it’s supposed to be another surprise party?”
Grinning, Blaine grabs one end of Sebastian’s scarf and playfully pulls him closer. “I wonder when the others will realize that they’ll never be able to surprise me as long as you’re in the mix.”
“They’ll never know because you’re Dalton’s only half-jock, half-theater-kid hybrid, and you know how to act like an innocent flower.”
“I am an innocent flower,” Blaine purrs in an overly saccharine tone, now pulling on both ends of Sebastian’s scarf and forcing him to lean down until their locked eyes are only a few inches apart.
“You can’t fool me, babe,” Sebastian says with a challenging grin. “This soccer practice has finally revealed to me who you really are. I’m actually waiting for your eyes to start glowing to prove that you’re some kind of bloodthirsty mystical carnivore. They’re already the same crazy golden color as Scott McCall’s eyes whenever he turns into a werewolf.”
Blaine’s mesmerizing, owlish eyes narrow a little, and he wrinkles his forehead incredulously. “I think we should start watching a different series. Teen Wolf has gotten to your head.”
“If anything has gotten to my head, it’s you,” Sebastian corrects him, causing Blaine’s smile to suddenly look coy rather than cocky.
Sebastian may love the sass, but he loves the “bashful schoolboy” in Blaine just as much, and his heart is pounding with honest affection. He simply loves every shade of Blaine Anderson.
“Your birthday present is waiting on your bed, by the way,” Sebastian remarks while watching Blaine’s smile widen with excitement.
“Aww, thank you! But I told you not to buy me anything,” Blaine protests in a soft voice. His hands let go of the scarf to rest on Sebastian’s waist.
“I didn’t buy anything. Actually, you even gave that particular object to me.”
“Ohh,” Blaine mouths with an intrigued smile. “Is it...the USB stick? With a new playlist?”
Grinning, Sebastian shrugs his shoulders. “Maybe.”
“I hope it is!” Blaine’s amber eyes are beaming with joy, and he finally lifts himself up onto his toes to gently press his lips to Sebastian’s.
They’re all alone now, but the kiss still feels very special. It’s their first kiss in a public place where anyone might walk by and see them, and Blaine doesn’t seem to care about that at all. His lips feel a bit dry from the cold, but they’re unexpectedly warm. It’s just a fleeting kiss, yet it activates some previously unknown mechanism inside of Sebastian’s body that suddenly makes him feel wonderfully warm from within despite the freezing cold.
“Well, I guess I should take a quick shower and put on different clothes,” Blaine announces. “Will you be heading back to help the others? Nick already left early.”
“Nah, I’ll wait for you in the locker room. They know I’m with you.”
Blaine glances up at Sebastian with another coy smile. “Do you think they know about us now?”
“They even thought they knew about us before anything had happened. So yeah, I guess.”
“Just in case it comes up tonight...should we continue to deny it?”
“It’s none of their business if you ask me,” Sebastian says matter-of-factly. “They should wait until we decide to tell them.”
“Okay,” Blaine agrees, but Sebastian perceives disappointment in his voice. “Well, we should get going.”
As they walk back to the gym together, a faint, uneasy feeling overcomes Sebastian. What if Blaine already wants to tell the others that they’re a thing? What if he’s hurt now because Sebastian is refusing to do so? But everything is still so new, and they haven’t even been out on a proper date yet. Isn’t there some kind of set timeline for such things?
Sebastian doesn’t want to make any mistakes, but he simply doesn’t know the rules of this entire being-in-a-relationship business. He has no idea when exactly they’ll officially turn into boyfriends. Are there particular tasks that need to be completed so that you can level up, like in a computer game?
Blaine’s birthday is probably not the right time to waste time mulling over such complicated things. To make up for his potentially insensitive answer, Sebastian takes Blaine’s hand and laces their fingers together as they walk. Blaine’s firmly returned grip raises Sebastian’s hope that he’s not too hurt.
The surprise birthday party feels a bit like a déjà vu of Blaine’s welcome back party four weeks earlier: Sebastian escorts him to the Warblers’ common room, Blaine acts surprised, the Warblers serenade him, and he finally joins in, dancing and singing with them. The vibe is amazing and Blaine seems overjoyed. The main difference is that someone (Jeff) managed to sneak in several bottles of Tequila that they keep hidden inside a giant gift box in case a teacher shows up.
The consequence is that Sebastian parties a little too hard and ends up completely wasted. It’s a bit of a mystery how Blaine manages to take Sebastian back to his room afterwards, undetected. Just like after their night out at Scandals, Blaine has to support Sebastian’s weight because he can barely walk. Even in his intoxicated state, Sebastian temporarily realizes that his behavior is rather embarrassing, but he’s generally in a fantastic mood.
When Sebastian falls onto his bed, Blaine sits down next to him and smiles, looking amused rather than mad at Sebastian for having become such a burden on his birthday.
“M’sorry for this,” Sebastian mumbles anyway, almost unable to keep his eyes open.
“It’s okay. Can’t say I haven’t been drunk before. It happens,” Blaine says softly. “I’m looking forward to listening to the songs on the playlist. Thank you again.”
“It’s nnn-...nothin’, Blainnne,” Sebastian drawls, trying to sound convincing despite his pathetic drunkenness. “Y’deserve sooo much more than that. Like, the sun’n’the moon...an’the sssh-...stars.”
“Okay,” Blaine chuckles. “You should keep that in mind for my next birthday then.”
“You’re aaaall grown up now, birthday boy,” Sebastian remarks as his eyelids fall shut. He can feel Blaine’s weight dipping the mattress as he lies down next to him. “‘M so proud of yooouuu.”
“For turning eighteen?”
“For everythin’...you’re the best, babe. You’re p-uhh...perfect,” Sebastian mumbles, opening his eyes although it’s damn hard. He needs to see Blaine’s gorgeous face; the one that’s smiling at him only a couple of inches away, visibly amused. When Sebastian closes his eyes again, he keeps seeing Blaine’s smile as if it was etched to the inside of his eyelids. He wishes it could always be right there.
“You’re hilarious,” Blaine whispers, followed by a long silence, during which Sebastian might have fallen asleep for a few seconds.
But suddenly, Sebastian feels wide awake again. “Babe...babe?”
“Yeah, I’m still here,” the most beautiful of all voices says.
“Can ya alwyyyz be here?”
“Always?”
“Can yoouu stay here t’night?”
There’s a tender sigh and a voiceless chuckle. “Sure.”
Sebastian hears clothes dropping to the floor before a pair of hands start to open his belt and pull his pants off. Sebastian passes out for a few minutes again, but wakes up when he feels Blaine’s warm body pressing up against him under the blanket. It feels like Blaine is wearing nothing more than his boxers. It might be a dream because it’s honestly too good to be true.
“Blainnne?”
“Mhh?”
“When exactly will we be...buhh-...boyfriends?”
“Whenever we want,” Blaine whispers, nuzzling his nose against Sebastian’s cheek. “Let’s talk about that when we’re both sober, okay?”
“‘Kay,” Sebastian murmurs as he slowly drifts off into sleep. “You’re really the best, Blaine. You’re so...hot...an’handsome...an’perfect. I really...really l-...”
If Sebastian manages to say anything beyond that, he does it entirely unconsciously, unable to recollect it. The only thing he’s aware of is the warm, comforting feeling of Blaine’s arms holding him close.
Next thing he knows, the shrill alarm of his phone rudely awakens him at 6:30 a.m. Sebastian feels like he’s slept no longer than five minutes, his head is about to explode, and the sharp taste of alcohol still lingers on his tongue. When he reaches out for his phone, he realizes that someone’s arms are wrapped around him from behind. And not only that. He perceives the unmistakable, arousing sensation of someone’s morning wood poking against the small of his back.
While hastily turning off the alarm, Sebastian tries to remember what happened. He seems to be in his own bed at Dalton and there’s a guy next to him - which isn’t good because he’d decided long ago not to fuck Dalton boys anymore because it leads to nothing but drama...
“Good morning,” he suddenly hears a velvety voice mumbling behind his back.
Sebastian freezes in utter shock. He knows that wonderful voice, that intoxicating and unmistakable scent, and those beautiful, strong arms only too well. He swiftly turns around and stares right at his favorite face, beaming at him with his favorite smile.
“Ohh...uhmm...good morning,” Sebastian mumbles in a hoarse voice.
“Why are you looking at me like you’ve seen a ghost? Or a werewolf? I told you that’s nonsense,” Blaine jokes, trying to overplay his confusion.
“I’m just...uhh...” Sebastian stammers, still bewildered by Blaine’s presence in his bed. “Did we...last night...did we f-...”
Blaine chuckles softly. “No, we didn’t. You were way too drunk for that.”
Only then Sebastian realizes that they’re both still wearing their boxers too, and he feels like a giant weight has fallen off his shoulders, enabling him to breathe normally again. “Oh...okay.”
For a hot minute, Sebastian was afraid he might’ve had his first time with Blaine in a drunken stupor without any memory of it. He would’ve never been able to forgive himself for that. But unfortunately, Sebastian can never rule out having done something stupid because doing stupid things seems to be a curse that keeps haunting him.
“Don’t you remember anything?” Blaine asks, grinning.
“No, not really...what happened?”
“You said some really nice things to me.”
Oh shit.
“Like...what?”
“Nice things. Flattering things.” Blaine’s smile looks conspiratorial, as if he and drunk Sebastian had shared a couple of secrets that they want to keep from sober Sebastian.
It’s maddening. Sebastian can’t shake the feeling that he might have confessed his undying love to Blaine last night, but he just can’t remember anything. If he did...would that be so bad? Kind of, because it wouldn’t have been the right moment to do so. And if he actually did that, how did Blaine respond?
Sebastian rubs his thumping forehead with his fingers, hoping to ease the pain a little. “Well...if it was flattering, I guess you deserved to hear it,” he mumbles. He’ll just leave it at that for now.
“I think we have to get ready for breakfast,” Blaine says, getting up from Sebastian’s bed and putting his clothes back on. “I need another shower. See you at breakfast?”
“Sure,” Sebastian murmurs. He has no idea if he’ll be able to drag himself out of bed.
As if Blaine could read his mind, he leans back down to Sebastian to softly kiss him on his lips and help him get up. With a pitying expression on his face, he hands Sebastian an open bottle of water that he must’ve found somewhere in the room. “Are you gonna be okay?”
“Yeah...yeah, thank you,” Sebastian mumbles and takes a big sip of water. “You’re the best, you know that, right?”
“Yep. That’s just one of those nice things that you told me last night,” Blaine says, leaving the room with a wide grin.
Sebastian is still not sure if he even wants to know what he said. As long as Blaine is happy with it, there’s probably no need to worry. He has more pressing problems right now, namely the worst hangover of his life and another stupid presentation to give later in history class.
But all those problems pale into insignificance as long as Sebastian gets to kiss Blaine again soon, and he knows he won’t have to wait too long.
Only three days later on Friday afternoon, Blaine and Sebastian are standing outside the school building with their packed duffel bags, waiting for Todd Anderson to pick them up.
“You told your dad that I’m coming with you, right?” Sebastian asks, nervously shifting his weight from one leg to the other.
“Of course I did. Why are you so jittery?”
“Meeting your dad feels like a big deal somehow...and I don’t wanna fuck it up,” Sebastian admits hesitantly.
Blaine chuckles as if Sebastian had just made a hilarious joke, completely disregarding the seriousness of the situation. “I don’t think it’s such a big deal. It’s just a car ride with my dad.”
“Yeah, but...first impressions and so on. He seems to be quite a character.”
“It’s kinda cute that you’re so concerned about whether my parents will like you,” Blaine observes with an amused grin.
“I can only hope that your dad also realizes how cute I am,” Sebastian grumbles, “but I honestly doubt that. He wanted to sue me.”
Blaine simply waves Sebastian’s worries off, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, that’s all water under the bridge...oh, there he is!”
A black Bentley has pulled into the Dalton parking lot, and Blaine hurries towards it. Sebastian takes a deep, cleansing breath before he follows him. The moment of truth has come.
The driver’s door flies open and there he is: Todd Anderson. Offspring of Filipino elite. Former diplomat. Current CEO of a huge consulting firm. Conservative asshole who might never accept that his son is gay.
As Mr. Anderson steps around the car and spots the two boys, a curious half smile appears on his stern face. Sebastian has such a negative image of him in his mind that he wonders if the man is even capable of an actual smile. Considering that Blaine has the most beautiful smile on the planet, it’s hard to believe that austere Todd Anderson is his father.
But there are some striking similarities between them. Mr. Anderson is about the same height as his son, and he’s almost as handsome. He has the same black hair, the same triangular eyebrows, and almost the same eye color - except that Mr. Anderson’s eyes aren’t kind and beautiful like Blaine’s, but rather intimidating and almost dangerous-looking, like the eyes of a bird of prey.
“Hi dad,” Blaine greets him cheerfully. He seems happy to see his father, which Sebastian doesn’t quite understand considering their problematic relationship.
“Happy belated birthday,” Mr. Anderson replies while giving Blaine a reluctant hug, still incapable of mustering up an actual, sincere smile.
After thanking his father, Blaine turns to Sebastian. “This is my...” In need of help, he searches his gaze, but Sebastian doesn’t know what to say either. They haven’t talked about labels again after Sebastian’s drunken inquiry. “Uhm...friend Sebastian,” Blaine finishes the sentence after a brief hesitation. “I told you he’s coming with us because his family lives in Lima too.”
“Sebastian,” Mr. Anderson repeats in an emotionless tone, reaching out for Sebastian’s hand.
His handshake is firm. Actually, it’s almost brutal, and Sebastian feels like his bones are about to crack at any moment.
“Nice to meet you, sir,” he grits out through his teeth, forcing a smile.
“We need to get going, I have another meeting in a couple of hours,” Mr. Anderson announces after finally letting Sebastian off the hook, already walking back over to the driver’s door.
“Sure, we can-...oh, damn!” Blaine blurts out with an annoyed expression. “I forgot my phone in my room. Sorry, but I need to go and get it. I’ll be back in a minute, I promise!”
Before his father has the chance to protest, Blaine has already turned around and started to run back to the school building, so Sebastian is the only one who hears Mr. Anderson’s cursing. He sounds like having to pick up Blaine is probably already pissing him off, and now that he has to wait for his son, he’s even more on edge.
Without uttering another word, Mr. Anderson gets back into the car and slams the driver’s door shut. Sebastian wants to wait for Blaine outside so he doesn’t have to be alone with his father, but he figures Mr. Anderson might take that the wrong way and sense some kind of hostility. Therefore, Sebastian plucks up all his courage, opens the back door on the passenger side with shaking hands and drops himself into the back seat.
Sebastian had hoped that the radio would at least be playing, but once he’s closed the car door, there’s no music. He’s confronted with a deafening silence. Having no clue what to do, he turns towards the school building, longingly waiting for Blaine’s return...but Blaine will probably be gone for another few minutes.
To make things worse, Sebastian can basically feel Mr. Anderson’s evil eyes on him. Blaine’s dad must be watching him in the rear view mirror. After a cold shiver runs down Sebastian’s spine, he finally decides to man up and forces himself to look into the mirror to meet Mr. Anderson’s gaze. It’s cold as ice. Sebastian manages to smile, but the man’s expression remains sinister.
All of a sudden, Mr. Anderson’s voice cuts through the silence. “Sebastian,” he says, not even really addressing the boy. It sounds more like he’s thinking out loud. “Sebastian...Smythe?”
“Yes, that’s my name,” Sebastian responds in a hollow voice.
“So you’re the lowlife who tried to blind my son.”
Sebastian’s heart seems to stop for a shockingly long moment before it suddenly starts to thump like a jackhammer in his chest. It’s pounding so loud that he’s sure Mr. Anderson must be able to hear it too. The man’s eyes remain fixed on Sebastian, filled with utter disdain.
“I...I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t try to blind him,” Sebastian stammers, perplexed and completely unable to think straight. Mr. Anderson’s words were incredibly offensive, and Sebastian would usually fight back with some kind of counter-insult, but this is Blaine’s dad. He feels utterly helpless. “It was an accident. Your son’s eyes are...actually quite important to me.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mr. Anderson hisses.
Sebastian’s throat suddenly feels completely dry. He tries to swallow, but it doesn’t work. He’s usually never so easily intimidated, but he can’t just attack Mr. Anderson. Maybe honesty is the way to go.
With a slightly steadier voice, Sebastian explains, “I didn’t mean to hurt Blaine because I like him. In fact, I like him a lot if you know what I mean.”
Mr. Anderson releases a patronizing hiss of a chuckle and scoffs, “Oh, I know exactly what you mean. Listen up, boy. Blaine has only just gotten rid of that other clown who almost managed to wreck his mental health. I don’t need you and your criminal tendencies to break him entirely. Jesus Christ, it’s high time that this phase finally ends so that Blaine can focus on his career and, God willing, on a serious relationship with some nice girl who doesn’t...”
A powerful surge of anger flashes through Sebastian and he doesn’t even hear the rest of Mr. Anderson’s maddening speech. “It’s not a phase!” he snaps, grabbing the back of the passenger seat with so much force that his knuckles turn white.
Only seconds ago Sebastian was scared of upsetting that man, but now that those outrageous words have been uttered, all that is forgotten and all bets are off. Blaine’s dad or not, Mr. Anderson has just proven that he’s just as vicious as Sebastian had assumed, and he doesn’t deserve even a single ounce of respect.
“It is a phase, and you’re the last person whose opinion I want to hear on that,” Mr. Anderson spits. “Your parents are said to be decent people, but they must’ve made some severe mistakes with you.”
Sebastian feels like he’s close to exploding. “Don’t you dare talk about my parents! At least they accept who I am, while your lack of acceptance and support has definitely affected Blaine’s mental health in a worse way than Hummel’s sorry ass!”
Only now Mr. Anderson cares to actually turn around to Sebastian instead of glaring at him through the mirror. “Watch your language, young man! I’m Blaine’s father, I love him, and know what’s best for him!”
“I love Blaine, too, and I know you’re one of his biggest problems!” Sebastian doesn’t even have time to be shocked about his own choice of words. Everything within him and around him is red, boiling over, exploding.
“You know what? You’ll keep your fingers off my son, or else I’ll crush you, which I actually should’ve already done a year ago!” Mr. Anderson hisses in a low but dangerously aggressive tone. “Now get out of my car!”
Several dirty, caustic insults are on the tip of Sebastian’s tongue, but before he can make the situation even worse, he grabs his bag and jumps out of the car. After slamming the car door shut with full force, he runs back towards the school building, simmering with rage.
Back inside, he runs into Blaine on the main stairs, whose confusion is palpable on his face. “Did you forget something, too?”
Sebastian has no time to really think about what he should say, and his gut tells him that this time it might be better not to tell the truth. He doesn’t want to upset Blaine before going home to his family.
“Yeah, I forgot a really important assignment, and I can only finish it here,” Sebastian lies. “I’m really sorry. I’ll drive to Lima in my own car later tonight, and I’ll still come to your party tomorrow, okay?”
Blaine looks disappointed and it breaks Sebastian’s heart. “Uhh...okay. I guess we’ll text later then?”
“Sure. I’m already looking forward to seeing you tomorrow,” Sebastian says with a soft smile.
“Me too. Drive safely.” Blaine still looks a bit sad, but he manages to smile again before they part and even gives Sebastian a quick kiss despite some other guys being around.
Sebastian watches Blaine leave with a heavy heart. Sometimes he feels like the universe doesn’t want them to be together. For the longest time, Sebastian had been his own worst enemy. And now that he’s finally defeated his demons, life has introduced him to a new enemy...Blaine’s father.
When Sebastian arrives at his parents’ house in Lima later that night, he greets them rather coldly. He’s not in the mood for niceties and doesn’t even want to be there. He doesn’t want to be anywhere. The confrontation with Mr. Anderson seems to have ruined everything. How could he ever be Blaine’s boyfriend if Blaine’s father hates him?
“What’s up?” Leonard Smythe asks him, sitting down next to Sebastian on the couch where he’s been playing with his phone.
“Nothing,” Sebastian snaps rudely.
“You don’t look so happy.”
“Well, I’m not. But it’s none of your business.”
Martine enters the living room with a bowl of popcorn in her hands. It smells delicious, just like his favorite kind. “I think it is our business as long as you hang out down here and kill the vibe with that frown of yours,” she says and sets the bowl down on the coffee table in front of Sebastian. “For you. With sugar and cinnamon.”
There’s suddenly a funny feeling somewhere inside Sebastian’s stomach. It’s a mixture of gratitude and embarrassment. Gratitude because his parents accept him and support him, whatever he does. They’re pretty much perfect compared to Todd Anderson. Embarrassment because he usually takes them for granted and doesn’t feel grateful nearly often enough.
“Merci, maman,” Sebastian murmurs. He knows he can make his mother happy by speaking French, even if it’s just a few words.
Martine sits down next to him as well and lays one arm around his shoulders. She doesn’t say anything, just holds him. He’d usually never admit it, not even to himself, but it feels wonderful and comforting.
Suddenly, something crazy crosses Sebastian’s mind. He could just tell his parents everything. It would be totally unlike him to do so because Sebastian never talks about feelings and problems, but he’s in desperate need of help. They’re parents too, so maybe they can tell him how to deal with other parents.
“You were right,” Sebastian finally admits.
“Of course we were,” Martine says with her usual sassiness, patting his knee with her free hand. “But about what exactly?”
Sebastian releases a shuddering sigh. “About everything. Blaine. And also about Todd Anderson being a terrible father-in-law.”
He can tell that his parents are looking at each other, doing that annoying thing where they communicate without words. It’s infuriating, but Sebastian doesn’t have enough energy to get mad.
“So...you and Blaine are dating now?” Leonard asks carefully.
“I don’t know if you can even call it that yet. I guess we are, kind of. But his dad hates me and wants me to stay away from him,” Sebastian explains with a gloomy frown.
“Okay,” Martine says softly. “How do you know that?”
“He came to pick up Blaine at Dalton today. I was supposed to go with them, but when Mr. Anderson and I had a moment alone, we got into an argument. He thinks I’m a criminal.”
Martine tightens her grip around Sebastian’s shoulders. “Honey, he doesn’t know you at all. He just knows about the accident, which he seems to have completely misinterpreted. If he actually knew you, he’d be glad that you are Blaine’s boyfriend.”
“Mom, I’m not Blaine’s boyfriend...yet. I also don’t think he’ll ever be glad about Blaine having a boyfriend. He’s a homophobic asshole and wants Blaine to get married to some chick.”
“Some people need a little more time than others to accept things they’re not familiar with or are scared of,” Leonard remarks in a sympathetic tone. “I’m sure he’ll get there eventually.”
“Blaine came out a few years ago, dad. You know, I don’t even really care if Mr. Anderson hates me. I just wish he wouldn’t make Blaine feel bad about himself. And if I really become Blaine’s boyfriend, Mr. Anderson will probably be even tougher on him.”
“Does Blaine know about your fight?” Leonard asks.
“No. And I don’t want him to know so that he doesn’t have to worry about it,” Sebastian says, emitting another frustrated sigh.
“You should keep in mind that Todd Anderson probably has a bad case of NPD,” Martine comments as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
“What?”
“Narcissistic personality disorder. Whenever you’re mad at him, you have to consider that he might need help too,” she elaborates matter-of-factly. “I feel sorry for his wife.”
“Do you want me to give him your business card?” Sebastian spits venomously, immediately regretting his tone. “I don’t know how that diagnosis changes anything for Blaine.”
“Maybe it doesn’t right now. But it doesn’t hurt to try to understand your opponent a little better.”
Sebastian rolls his eyes. “I don’t think I’ll ever understand that man. I don’t even want to. Anyways...he told me to stay away from Blaine, or he’ll ‘crush’ me, whatever that means.”
“What? How? With another lawsuit?” Leonard asks skeptically, and his face turns dead-serious. It’s his typical State Attorney look.
“Maybe.”
“Don’t give him a reason for that then,” Leonard suggests, and his expression softens again.
“Guess what? I’m not planning on doing so.”
Martine, who had been lost in thought for a moment, suddenly smiles at Sebastian as if their conversation wasn’t heavy at all. “I think you should just ignore his blah blah. If you like Blaine and Blaine likes you, his father can’t do anything about it. You’re both basically grown-ups. You’ll go off to university soon. You know, sometimes we parents still wish we could tell you what to do, but we all know that’s no longer possible. Todd Anderson knows that too.”
Sebastian slowly nods in agreement. His mother is completely right. He shouldn’t worry too much about Todd Anderson’s temper tantrum. It’s pointless.
He’s surprised to realize that the talk has made him feel a lot better. His parents are often annoying, but he knows that he can also count on them whenever he needs help. He makes a mental note to no longer take that for granted. As the three of them watch TV, eat popcorn and laugh together, Sebastian finds it easy to forget that something bad had happened that day.
Blaine calls him later that night when they’re both in their beds. He tells him about the giant cake his mother surprised him with and that Sebastian has to try the next day. He sounds so happy that Sebastian is pretty sure Mr. Anderson hasn’t told him about their argument. Ignorance isn’t always bliss, but in this case, it definitely is.
They don’t talk about Todd Anderson at all. Instead they talk about how much they already miss each other.
Sebastian falls asleep with a soft, contented smile on his face.
Blaine’s birthday party is supposed to take place at the Andersons’ house, and although Blaine mentioned that his parents would be out all night, Sebastian feels slightly uneasy about going there. If Mr. Anderson saw him in his home, he’d probably flip.
Sebastian heads over a couple of hours before the party is scheduled to start, expecting to have some privacy with Blaine. However, after he enters the house, he’s quite shocked to see that Blaine’s mother is home. Sebastian can’t quite relax until she mentions that her husband had left for Chicago that morning and that she’ll meet a few of her friends downtown soon so that the kids can have the house to themselves. She’s just there to help Blaine prepare a few snacks and drinks for the party.
It turns out that Pam Anderson is basically the polar opposite of Todd Anderson. Sebastian is surprised to see there are married couples that are even more dissimilar than his parents. Pam seems extremely excited about getting to know Sebastian, and it’s obvious that Blaine has told her something about their burgeoning relationship. Luckily, she appears to be entirely unaware of her husband’s dislike for Sebastian.
“Next time Todd and I visit Columbus, we’ll take you boys out for dinner. I’m sure he’d love to get to know you better, too,” Pam gushes with a heartfelt smile. When Blaine briefly leaves the room, she walks up to Sebastian and whispers with a conspiratorial smile, “I haven’t seen Blaine this happy in a long time. I feel like I have to thank you for being there for him.”
“It’s no big deal, Mrs. Anderson,” Sebastian mumbles, afraid that she might end up making him blush, which would be totally unheard of. Fortunately, Blaine returns a few seconds later, and thus Sebastian is spared such unthinkable embarrassment.
Sebastian is endlessly relieved to learn that Pam Anderson is a warmhearted, loving mother, who’s not only willing to give Sebastian a second chance but who’s even happy for the boys. He’s almost sad when she leaves, wishing them a fun night and telling Sebastian that she hopes they’ll see each other again soon.
In the end, Sebastian and Blaine only have half an hour alone together before the guests arrive, which they spend chatting and making out on the couch. It’s still a bit surreal that everything was so different only a month ago, when they’d spent most of New Year’s Eve on that very couch, trying their hardest to remain just friends. Now they can’t keep their hands off each other...at least until the doorbell rings for the first time.
After the bad experience with Blaine’s dad, Sebastian dreads the reunion with the McKinley kids even more than he already had been, but he decides to try to make the best of it. As Blaine’s friends arrive one after another, they all give Sebastian weird, partly reproachful looks, but Blaine does his best to help them build bridges. He tells them that he and Sebastian are “really good friends” now and that everyone should regard the party as a fresh start.
There’s beer, but Sebastian abstains this time because of the Tequila debacle and adheres to drinking coke instead. It’s hard not to drink alcohol on a night like this because several guests keep throwing him leery looks, especially the blond stripper. Thankfully, there’s at least one person who’s willing to talk to him. Her name is Marley, and her bubbly nature reminds him a bit of Blaine.
While Blaine tries to spend the same, equal amount of time with each guest, Sebastian keeps chatting with Marley. It makes the party almost enjoyable because he gets to ignore the others who hate him. But when a Whitney Houston song comes up, Marley wants to dance and Sebastian declines with an apologetic smile. Thanks to her, the evening went better than expected, but he doesn’t feel like dancing. Some alcohol might actually help with that, but...
“Hey, you,” someone says behind Sebastian’s back, sounding somewhat snide.
Sebastian whirls around and a girl with an indecipherable facial expression is standing in front of him, holding a bottle of beer in her hand. He knows her name because she’s one of Blaine’s closer friends, and he’s mentioned her almost as often as the stripper. It’s Tina Cohen-Chang. She doesn’t seem to know how to approach Sebastian, whether to glare at him angrily or smile.
“So you and Blaine are friendsh again, huh?” She seems a bit off, and Sebastian might have mistaken her tone for the usual hatred he gets from the McKinley’s Glee Club members, if it wasn’t so obvious that she’s completely wasted. She's barely in control of her articulation, slurring her words, and she has some trouble simply standing vertically.
“Looks like it,” Sebastian retorts warily.
“Blaine told me you guys had made up. Seriously, I’m really happy for him. I’m happy he has great friendsh at his new...uhh...and old school,” Tina babbles, but her face doesn’t really match her words. She suddenly looks incredibly sad.
Sebastian doesn’t even know how to respond. Did she really think Blaine Anderson - an amazingly charismatic people’s person - wouldn’t be able to reconnect with his old, true friends after leaving that shit hole of a school that he’d attended for five minutes?
“Warblers stick together,” Sebastian comments, not sure what else to say. He’s feeling increasingly uncomfortable. Something’s shimmering in her eyes, and it looks a lot like tears.
“You know what, Shebastian? I think you’re actually a good guy. If Blaine thinks so, it must be true,” Tina continues as her face slowly turns red. She’s clearly in an overly emotional state. Before waiting for a reaction from Sebastian, she asks, “Can I ask you something?”
“You just did,” Sebastian responds drily, but musters a grin, reminding himself that his mission is to get along with Blaine’s friends.
Tina suddenly seems very insecure and nervous. “I mean, I wanna ask you something because you’re gay.”
Nothing good ever follows a statement like that, but Tina has tears in her eyes now, and Sebastian starts to panic a little. “Sure,” he agrees reluctantly.
“Ha-...have you ever had doubtsh regarding your... sh-...shexuality?”
Sebastian stares at her in utter confusion. “What?”
Tina’s voice suddenly sounds more determined. She seems to really want an answer to that ridiculous question. “Have you ever thought you might be into women? Or have you ever wondered if you might be into women one day?”
Here we go...
She’s obviously into Sebastian. It’s happened countless times in Sebastian’s life, and it always will: girls falling for him and secretly hoping he might not be gay, or at least a little bi-curious. Can’t blame them. It’s the curse of an attractive guy.
“Tina...I’m sorry, but I’m not into you,” Sebastian says as gently as he can despite being extremely annoyed. He knows that his words probably hurt her, but he feels like he owes her that kind of blunt honesty.
Tina’s eyes widen, and she looks completely baffled. “Oh, I’m not into you either.”
“Why did you ask me that silly question then?” Sebastian hisses, glad that the music is so loud that the other guys surely can’t hear this embarrassing conversation.
“Because it’s not unheard of that people...change,” she says hesitantly. Seemingly afraid of having offended him, she quickly adds, “Obviously, that goes both ways.”
“I guess, but I don’t really get what you want from me right now,” Sebastian counters, slowly getting really riled up. He hates discussing this topic with straight people. They have no fucking clue what it’s like.
Shaking her head in frustration, Tina’s eyes wander off into the room. When Sebastian follows her forlorn, tear-glazed gaze, he freezes. They’re both staring at Blaine.
Tina can apparently tell from Sebastian’s dumbfounded look that the penny has finally dropped. “You know, there was a time when he wasn’t sure about his shexuality, and I believe shexuality is fluid anyway. It can change anytime for everyone and...”
Sebastian realizes that his mouth is wide open in horror, and he quickly closes it, trying to act cool again. He has an idea what Tina is talking about. Blaine had told him about that short episode when he’d drunkenly kissed that hag Rachel Berry, which had resulted in a few days of confusion.
To Sebastian, it had been clear that this confusion could mainly be blamed on Todd Anderson, and after their confrontation in the car, he’s now completely sure of that. Mr. Anderson’s words pierce Sebastian’s brain again, repeating his persistent wish that Blaine eventually gets married to a woman. After Blaine had kissed Berry, there must’ve been some part of him that had still hoped he might be able to fulfill that expectation and make his father proud. But it had been nothing more than confused thoughts because Blaine is gay, and he knows it. At least that’s what Blaine says, and what he says has to be taken as fact.
Sebastian takes a deep breath as he remembers all the guys brazenly staring at Blaine at Scandals and The Monastery. No, Sebastian really doesn’t need any more rivals, whether male or female. For a second he imagines Blaine with a girl...with Tina...and although Sebastian hasn’t drunk a drop of alcohol, he suddenly feels like he has to throw up. The fierce spirit of jealousy burning within him has just opened one of its piercing green eyes again. She can’t have Blaine. He’s off the market. He belongs to Sebastian now.
“You know, I love him,” Tina suddenly says in a whiny voice, finally shedding her tears. She’s still staring at Blaine with that look. The pathetic, sad look of someone who can’t have what they want so badly. The look Sebastian must’ve worn on his face so often...but not anymore.
Sebastian quickly gulps down the rest of his coke when he thinks that the contents of his stomach are really about to come straight back up. He’s about to snap. Because someone else who pretends to love Blaine doesn’t accept that he’s into guys. Because he’s jealous again, even though he knows there isn’t even a reason for it.
He tries to stay calm, he really tries. “Look, I have no idea why you just told me that. I feel sorry for you.”
Finally, Tina’s head shoots around to him again, and she stares at Sebastian, tear-stained and with an offended expression. “That’s all you have to say to me?”
Sebastian opens his mouth, desperately searching for the right words and trying to hold back the ones he actually wants to say. But frankly, he doesn’t even really care anymore what’s right or wrong. He wants to get along with Blaine friends, but Tina is obviously a lost cause and a borderline homophobic nutjob.
In a sharp tone, Sebastian hisses, “I understand where you’re coming from because you hope you might get a chance with him one day, but luckily it’s up to Blaine to determine who he is. And while bisexuality is very real and very valid, do not confuse a bisexual man with a gay one. Blaine openly identifies as a gay man.” Sebastian is talking himself into a rage, and Tina’s increasingly offended look doesn’t stop him in the slightest. “There are millions of straight guys and a considerable number of bisexuals out there for you. Maybe you should give them a chance before you sit around waiting for Blaine to reconsider his sexual preference because it’s never gonna happen! Trying to erase a gay person’s sexuality is every bit as offensive as those assholes who try to call bisexuals selfish, or accuse them of wanting to have their cake and eating it!”
Tina’s jaw has dropped and she stares at him in utter outrage. “You’re such a dick!” she snaps at him. “I don’t even know why I thought I could entertain a serious conversation with you, of all people!”
Disregarding the fact that Tina is already the second person to call him a dick in only two weeks, Sebastian continues his rant. “Oh, I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings, but if you’re really Blaine’s friend, you better accept him the way he is, rather than hoping he might one day fit into the box you want him to fit into! Do you have any idea what he’s had to go through to get to a point where he accepts himself? While his asshole dad is still tormenting him? Stop obsessing about Blaine’s sexuality and accept that he’s taken anyway!”
Tina’s eyes are flowing over with tears and her lower lip is trembling. She looks like she’s about to say something but finally decides to turn around on her heel and storm out of the room instead. Only then does Sebastian realize that several other people are staring at him. His gaze immediately seeks out Blaine, who is still talking and laughing with the guy in the wheelchair on the opposite side of the room, fully unaware of the scene that just unfolded at his birthday party.
Suddenly, the stripper walks up to Sebastian, punishing him with a scrutinizing look. “Uhh...dude. Seriously? I didn’t quite catch what you just said to her, but you clearly upset her. Was that really necessary? At Blaine’s birthday party?”
“She upset me first,” Sebastian hisses, now considering simply leaving the party. He should’ve known that he can’t mingle with people who secretly regard him as their enemy. This fight had to happen, just like the one with Blaine’s father - both were self-fulfilling prophecies.
“Tina upset you? What could she possibly have said to upset you? Do you even have feelings?” Stripper Boy shamelessly slurs. He’s obviously had quite a few drinks as well. “I really don’t get what Blaine sees in you. As if you didn’t mess up badly enough last year! You clearly don’t deserve a second chance!”
Sebastian takes a quick step towards him, ready to lash out against his chest. But suddenly, Blaine is there to stop Sebastian’s fist from striking Stripper Boy, and he pushes the two boys apart. “Hey! What’s going on with you?”
“This guy shouldn’t be here!” Stripper Boy scoffs. “He still hasn’t learned how to behave like a normal human being.”
“Sam, I...” The baffled and concerned look on Blaine’s face makes Sebastian feel incredibly guilty. “Please, guys! I really need you to get along.”
“Why, huh?” Stripper Boy asks. “You can hang out with him at Dalton. Why is he the only one of those guys who’s here tonight anyway?”
“Because he’s the only one of them who lives in Lima,” the guy in the wheelchair, Artsy, or whatever his name is, remarks.
Blaine glances down at Artsy with an expression of utter consternation. He seems to be torn for a few seconds. “It’s not that. I haven’t told you guys because it’s not even official yet.”
When Blaine’s eyes meet Sebastian’s, there’s a pressing question palpable in them. Only when Sebastian nods his consent, a relieved smile replaces the insecure look on Blaine’s face.
“Sebastian and I, we’re...we’re more than just friends. And as you all know, you’re still very important to me, so I really hope that we can all get along with each other. It would mean a lot to me. You guys got off on the wrong foot, but I’m sure once you really get to know each other, you’ll be able to forget what went wrong in the past. So if you allow me this one wish...can you please give each other another chance?”
“I guess we could try that...for you,” Stripper Boy grits out. “But Tina just left because of him. That’s just not okay.”
Clearly upset about this news, Blaine takes Sebastian’s hand, drags him into the foyer and closes the door behind them.
“What happened?”
Sebastian releases an irritated sigh. “That girl is into you and seriously asked me if there’s a chance that you might magically be into women one day. That’s not okay if you ask me. If she can’t accept who you are, she shouldn’t be your friend. I’m sorry, Blaine, but I can’t keep my mouth shut if I hear something like that! You’ve gone through enough shit and...”
“Sebastian, calm down please,” Blaine pleads. “I understand where you’re coming from, but I know that Tina didn’t mean it that way. She’s not...like my dad.” Blaine pauses, looking up at Sebastian with a somewhat pained expression. “This is because of him, isn’t it?”
Sebastian opens his mouth, but doesn’t know how to respond.
“I figured you didn’t come with us because he said something rude to you,” Blaine says, now surprisingly composed.
“I’m sorry,” Sebastian mumbles. “I didn’t want you to tell you because I thought it would upset you.”
“Well...thanks for trying to protect me. I really appreciate that you wanna stand up for me, but there are a few battles that are mine alone to fight. And Tina...that’s not even a battle. Sounds like I really gotta talk to her, though. I had no idea...poor thing,” Blaine says, visibly concerned about her.
“Okay...again, I’m really sorry.”
Blaine’s worried expression melts into a weak smile. “I’m gonna try to find her. Will you come with me?”
Sebastian can barely believe that Blaine isn’t angry at him. “Yeah, of course. I guess I should apologize to her, too.”
Blaine takes Sebastian’s hand again as they head outside. They find Tina sitting on the sidewalk, and after they watch her eyes narrow and follow their joined hands, they have a long talk with her (mostly between Blaine and Tina alone). Several hugs later, she finally manages to smile again.
The party is basically over and Sebastian can’t help feeling like he ruined it. He stays behind until everyone else has left and helps Blaine clear up a bit. Fortunately, Blaine still doesn’t seem upset, but rather cheerful and happy to have seen his friends.
Sebastian, though, still feels like he needs to address his guilty conscience. He walks up to Blaine when the dishwasher is finally full and running.
“Uh...babe. I wanna apologize again for that mess at the end. I was afraid something like that might happen although I tried really hard to be...nice.”
Blaine rewards the apology with a warm smile. “It looked like you were getting along well with Marley. So that’s a start. Maybe we can hang out with Sam and Tina again another time. They were my best friends at McKinley, and it would mean a lot to me if you guys could get along.”
“Don’t you think things will be weird between you and Tina?”
“I don’t know...I hope not,” Blaine says with a thoughtful look.
“Uhm, Blaine...”
“Mhh?”
“I feel bad about how I handled the situation with her. It’s just that...her questioning your sexual orientation and that crazy confession really riled me up...and when it comes to you, I can get really jea-...lous,” Sebastian confesses reluctantly.
Blaine unexpectedly breaks into a hearty laugh. “Oh Bas...that’s kinda adorable. But you know what? There’s absolutely no need for being jealous because...” He closes the gap between their bodies and slowly moves his hands towards Sebastian’s crotch while stretching himself to whisper into Sebastian’s ear, “...I recently realized that I’m Bas-sexual. You’re the only one I want to be with...”
As Blaine’s lips and warm breath ghost along his ear and neck, Sebastian thinks he’ll pass out from the enormous wave of lust that hits him like a truck.
He desperately grabs Blaine’s hands and pulls them away from the growing bulge in his pants. “Oh my god, Blaine, you have to stop! I can’t...I can’t...”
Blaine’s lips wander along Sebastian’s jawline and towards his mouth. He licks along the seam of Sebastian’s lips before capturing them with his.
“Shhh...relax,” Blaine whispers between kisses. “We’re all alone here...again. Why don’t we...go up to my room?”
Sebastian’s legs are as wobbly as jelly while his dick is as hard as a diamond. He’s reached the point of no return. If this is how it plays out, then so be it.
For the third time that night, Blaine takes Sebastian’s hand in his and leads him through the now silent house...
Chapter 9: The First Time 2.0
Chapter Text
Just like eyes, lips are another part of the human body that Sebastian hadn’t really cared about before meeting Blaine. He’d never understood why women are so obsessed with having pretty lips, painting them red or even having them enhanced with chemical injections. Apparently, straight guys care about lips for some reason, but not Sebastian. Why would he? He’s into men, and men don’t need pretty lips. At least that’s what he used to think.
But like so many things, Sebastian’s attitude towards lips has changed in recent months. Now he’s downright obsessed with a particular pair that couldn’t be any more captivating...
Blaine’s lips are nothing less than spectacular. They’re slightly more pronounced than most other guys’. Both his upper and his lower lip are evenly lush and perfectly curved. Their subtle shade of pink is the definition of sensuality.
Sebastian could look at Blaine’s lips for hours and simply watch them as they part and close, forming vowels and consonants. He also loves to see them melting into one of Blaine’s many-faceted, disarming smiles, and that’s something they do very often when Sebastian is around.
But Blaine’s lips are not only pleasing to the eye. They also feel amazing; wonderfully pillowy and smooth. Their texture is as velvety as the voice that interacts with them whenever Blaine talks or sings. Actually, it’s a bit of a shame that Sebastian can’t look at them and kiss them at the same time.
Considering this new-found obsession, it’s no surprise that Sebastian is basically drunk with lust when those very lips are devouring his body while he’s lying on the bed in Blaine’s room. They’ve already hastily undressed each other, now wearing nothing more than their boxer briefs. Upon pushing Sebastian back onto his bed, Blaine has climbed on top of him and is now intoxicating him with heated kisses. Blaine’s gorgeous lips are exploring the nape of Sebastian’s neck and his chest, gently sucking his nipples, continuously working their way south.
Sebastian has been dreaming of this moment since...forever. Now that it’s come, he’s as thrilled as he is nervous. He’s sure this particular make-out session will result in some kind of sexual activity, and he wants it to be perfect, especially for Blaine.
Although Sebastian would never doubt his sexual prowess, he’s still worried that making love might be different from what he’s used to, and sex with Blaine would be doing exactly that: making love. He doesn’t want to fuck it up, so he lets Blaine have the upper hand for now - which is certainly not how he’d imagined their first time. Yet it feels weirdly amazing.
When Blaine’s trail of kisses has passed his navel and Blaine hooks his fingers into the waistband of Sebastian’s boxer briefs to pull them off, an unexpected thought pops into Sebastian’s head. Before anything intimate happens between them, he feels obliged to inform Blaine about a slightly humiliating but relevant fact.
Sebastian recently had himself tested for Blaine. He knows that he should’ve done it months ago, considering how often he’d hooked up with random guys, but it was something he’d ignored for a while until sex with Blaine had become a tangible possibility. In a way, Sebastian feels quite chivalrous for having gotten tested to keep Blaine safe, and he’s proud of himself because he has indeed managed to stay free of STDs.
“Uhh...babe?” Sebastian mumbles as Blaine starts to teasingly pull down Sebastian’s boxer briefs in slow motion.
“Hmm?” Blaine hums with a seductive smile.
“I just want you to know that...umm...I recently got tested. And I’m clean.”
Sebastian doesn’t even know what reaction he’d expected. Maybe a grin, a chuckle, or a slightly humiliated shake of the head. But Blaine doesn’t do any of that. Instead, he suddenly looks bewildered, pulling his hands back and letting the waistband snap back against Sebastian’s lower abdomen.
“Okay,” Blaine mouths, his Adam’s apple slowly bouncing up and down as he gulps and his face darkens.
“I said I’m clean,” Sebastian repeats with an insecure smile. “I just wanted you to know that there’s nothing to worry about despite my...reputation.”
Blaine’s gaze drops down to the prominent bulge in Sebastian’s boxer briefs, but he isn’t really looking at Sebastian’s dick. He appears to be distracted by completely unexpected, somber thoughts. “That’s...good. I’m clean, too.”
Confused by Blaine’s disappointing reaction, Sebastian props himself up on his elbows so he can better examine Blaine’s face. He’s starting to panic because he has apparently just ruined the mood by unnecessarily boasting with his sexual health.
“Hey, what’s up? Did I say something wrong?”
“It’s okay,” Blaine explains with a slightly sad expression. “It’s just...I was just reminded of when I got tested, and I felt so horrible back then.”
Sebastian can’t quite follow. A fatal mix of lust and hysteria is clouding his mind, preventing him from thinking straight. “What do you mean? Why did you even bother to get tested? Wasn’t your ex a virgin, just like you?”
When Blaine’s gaze meets his again, Sebastian is slightly shocked by the palpable anguish in those beautiful amber eyes. “I told you that I was with someone else.”
Oh shit. The cheating.
Ever since they’d decided to be more than friends, the distressing incident hasn’t crossed Sebastian’s mind at all - that Blaine had basically cheated on him with some guy called Eli C. Sebastian has successfully suppressed all the bad memories of Blaine’s confession. But for Blaine, it’s obviously still a very touchy subject, and Sebastian wishes he’d simply kept his mouth shut.
“Oh...I see,” Sebastian mumbles. Suddenly, there’s a question on his mind. He’s been pondering over it for months. He wants to know the answer, and this could be his one last chance to ask it because he never wants to bring up this hurtful subject again. Asking the question might make things even worse, but he simply needs to know... “So you actually went all the way with that guy, huh?”
Blaine looks completely crestfallen. He swiftly climbs off Sebastian and sits down cross-legged at the foot of the bed, ducking his head in shame.
“Okay forget it. You don’t have to tell me,” Sebastian quickly adds, crawling over to Blaine, soothingly patting his knee with one hand. He can’t believe that he’s just ruined what could have been the best moment of his life.
When Blaine glances up at Sebastian again, he looks as if he’s about to cry. “Might as well.” Releasing a shattering sigh, he continues, “I didn’t really go to his place with the intention to hook up. I just needed...someone...some attention after Kurt had ignored me for weeks. When I got to his place, we started to drink some kind of really disgusting liquor...I think it was vodka. There was a moment when nothing seemed to matter any more, and he started to kiss me...”
All of a sudden, shrill warning bells are ringing in Sebastian’s head. If Eli C. has his own place, he’s probably older than Blaine. And as it turns out, alcohol was involved too.
“So he got you drunk and then took advantage of you?” Sebastian inquires in a serious tone, feeling rage welling up inside him.
“No, it wasn’t like that,” Blaine quickly clarified. “At that very moment, I wanted it, too...the alcohol...and what followed.”
Sebastian’s pulse is racing. Even if Eli C. didn’t take advantage of Blaine, and Blaine really wanted what they did, the thought of him having sex with someone else is excrutiating. After hearing Blaine’s confession, Sebastian had assumed the worst: that Blaine actually had anal with the guy. In his waking nightmares, Sebastian has been wondering who was on top and who on the bottom. Not that one would be better than the other. Both versions equally suck because Blaine should’ve obviously chosen Sebastian for that kind of adventure.
Learning the truth of what happened will probably be even worse than Sebastian’s dire assumptions, but he still needs to know. “So...what exactly happened? Did you have...an-...?”
“No!” Blaine immediately cuts him off, shaking his head defensively. “It was ‘just’ a blow job. Although I don’t think that makes it any better.”
Sebastian’s breath gets caught in his throat, and he’s not really sure if it’s out of relief or horror. No anal sex, just a blow job...but Blaine is right. It’s not much better.
Petrified, Sebastian stares at Blaine’s lips as distressing images start to rage through his mind. These lips, these wonderful, lush, rose-colored lips actually sucked some rando’s dick. What scandal, what waste, what disaster...
“Did you...did you...swallow?” Sebastian stammers mindlessly, paralyzed with bewilderment.
Please say no. Please.
“No, I didn’t. I couldn’t even make him come,” Blaine replies with a bitter chuckle, shaking his head again. “Initially, I was really into it. I hadn’t had sex in weeks, and I needed...you know...but as I was doing it, I realized what I was doing, and it didn’t really work. My mouth felt so dry and...ugh. It was awful. So we switched. He blew me and jerked himself off with his hand.”
Caustic self-loathing is resonating in Blaine’s voice again, and his eyes look dangerously glossy.
“It felt good for a second, but...I couldn’t get off because I already felt so guilty at that point. The whole thing was a complete disaster. And I can’t believe I didn’t even insist on using a condom, just because he said it would ruin the fun because it tastes bad. I’ve never done anything dumber in my life. When I got home, I took a long shower and brushed my teeth at least three times, but I couldn’t wash it off...that awful feeling...the guilt. I can still feel it now. I’ve been disgusted with myself ever since. Testing negative afterwards didn’t change anything about it.”
Sebastian has asked himself a million times why Blaine hadn’t called him up that night. For months, he wished he’d been the one who Blaine cheated with. But suddenly, Sebastian couldn’t be more glad that it hadn’t been him. In Blaine’s memory, that night would never be remembered as awesome and hot, not even if he’d been with Sebastian. Blaine would’ve forever looked back at their first time with guilt and regret. It’s good that it didn’t happen that way.
“Well...these things happen,” Sebastian says softly. Seeing Blaine so heartbroken is simply unbearable, and he feels the urgent need to soothe him somehow. “I can understand why you did it. Sometimes you just need to get your rocks off.”
“Do you really think that?” Blaine snaps back in an admonishing tone, his eyes sparkling with unshed tears. “You should stop trying to justify what I did! If you really think that what I did was okay, I’m seriously worried about us!”
Sebastian stares at Blaine, open-mouthed, desperately searching for the right words. He just wants Blaine to be as happy and carefree again as he’d been before Sebastian brought up the stupid STD test.
“I definitely agree that cheating is wrong, but it happened, and we all make mistakes,” Sebastian clarifies after regaining his composure, gently running his hand along Blaine’s hairy shin. “Remember when you came to Dalton last year and sang Dark Side with us?”
“Of course I do,” Blaine affirms weakly. “We just talked about it last week at the Warblers’ meeting.”
“It was me who’d picked that song,” Sebastian confessed sheepishly. “It had been stuck in my head all year because of what I’d done to you. At the time, I had no idea that you had done something you regretted, too...something dark. You know, I’m really glad that we outvoted Hunter and his Linkin Park song last week, and that you’ll sing Dark Side at Regionals because I think it means a lot to both of us. We both made really dumb mistakes, but that doesn’t mean our moral compass is broken...because we know it was wrong and deeply regret what we did. ‘Nobody’s a picture perfect, but we’re worth it.’ Aren’t we?”
As Blaine lifts his head to look at Sebastian, his face finally softens a little, and one corner of his mouth curls up into a half-smile.
“I still can’t wrap my head around how that’s even possible, but you somehow managed to forgive me,” Sebastian continues, giving Blaine an encouraging smile. “Now you have to forgive yourself and let it go, because we both know you’ll never make that same mistake again. And for what it’s worth, it’s probably super selfish to say this, but I’m really glad you made that mistake. Because if you hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here with you now. I probably would’ve never gotten a shot at being your boyfriend.”
After Blaine has let Sebastian’s words sink in for a few seconds, a shy smile appears on his lips. “So...is that what you wanna be now? My boyfriend?”
Sebastian shrugs his shoulders somewhat helplessly. Grinning, he replies, “Yeah, well...I guess I do. If it’s not too soon.”
“It’s not. I want you to be,” Blaine confirms with a sweet and disarming smile, and his confidence seems to slowly return.
Only a few months ago, Sebastian would have fled at the mere thought, but now he’s suddenly feeling giddy with excitement. It’s official: Blaine Anderson is his boyfriend.
So that’s how easy things can be if you just let them happen...
Blaine’s hands find Sebastian’s, gently intertwining their fingers. They smile at each other for a moment, neither of them quite sure what to do or say next. Eventually, Sebastian breaks the silence.
“I’m really sorry for ruining the mood.”
“It’s not your fault. I appreciate that you told me you got tested. And I’m kinda glad that I got a chance to tell you what happened. You’ve made me feel a little better about myself...a little less disgusted.”
“C’mon, Blaine. There’s nothing disgusting about you. On the contrary, you couldn’t be any more perfect.” Sebastian leans into him, eyes fixed on Blaine’s lips, tracing them with his thumb. “Like these lips,” he whispers, “so perfect.”
Sebastian then flicks his tongue against them, dragging the tip slowly along Blaine’s upper, then his lower lip. Finally, he softly dips his tongue against them until they part for him.
As they both shift onto their knees and their lips and tongues start to move together in a heated kiss, Sebastian can tell that Blaine’s hunger for him has returned with full force. Blaine’s hands are suddenly all over him again; tightening their embrace, mapping Sebastian’s back and hips, finally sliding inside the back of his boxer briefs, cupping and squeezing his ass.
Now that Blaine’s arousal seems to have completely drowned out his bad memories and frustration, he’s regaining control, and Sebastian briefly considers challenging him on it. But although their power dynamic has always been different in his fantasies, Sebastian decides to surrender himself to Blaine, allowing him to push him back onto the bed and pinning him down beneath him again.
“God, I’ve wanted you for so long,” Blaine breathes into Sebastian’s ear, causing shivers of lust to run down his spine.
It’s impossible to put into words how much everything about this golden boy turns Sebastian on. Blaine’s flawless body, his passionate kisses, his intoxicating words, his blatant lust, his dominating demeanor...it’s all Sebastian has ever wanted, and it’s even a million times better than in his imagination. Now that the brief crisis is over, Sebastian is back in paradise.
When Blaine finally pulls down Sebastian’s boxer briefs and then his own, Sebastian’s brain feels like it has completely turned to mush. The only coherent thoughts he can still grasp are Blaine and cock.
“Don’t move,” Sebastian pleads as Blaine is kneeling on top of him, completely naked, looking like a sex god. “I just...want to look at you for a moment.”
There it is in all its glory: Blaine’s cock. Of course it’s perfect, just like everything else about this irresistible, surreal creature. It’s definitely longer than average, just like Sebastian had always imagined. In its erect state, it’s pointing up at just the right angle, and it’s framed by just the right amount of subtle dark hair.
Sebastian stares at Blaine’s cock for an obscenely long moment before his eyes follow the thin trail of hair from Blaine’s crotch to his navel, wandering up to his handsome face. Only then does he notice that Blaine is inspecting his dick in turn.
“I always wondered if you were cut, too,” Blaine says with an intrigued smile. “Being half-French and all.”
“I was born in this shit hole country, too, remember?” Sebastian chuckles. “And I guess that’s the one decision in my parents’ marriage that my Midwestern dad was allowed to make. I’m still torn about whether I should hate him for it or not.”
“Well...what can I say? I can’t complain about his decision,” Blaine purrs as he lowers himself down, his gorgeous lips moving closer and closer to Sebastian’s dick with each word. “It looks...fucking...hot.”
Sebastian takes a lot of pride in the size and appearance of his cock, but hearing those words from Blaine’s beautiful mouth makes him feel more flattered than he’s probably ever been. Even before the words have properly sunk in, that same mouth is thrillingly close to touching Sebastian exactly where he’s wanted to feel it for so long. He lets his head fall back into the pillow and closes his eyes. As he senses Blaine’s warm breath ghosting along his shaft, he’s sure that he’s about to completely lose his mind. He needs to feel Blaine’s lips on him - now.
“Oh god, Blaine...you’re killing me,” Sebastian whimpers, desperately anticipating the long-yearned-for touch that’s about to happen at any moment.
And then Sebastian feels them...Blaine’s lips. It’s what it must feel like to finally reach the end of the rainbow.
Blaine plants a gentle kiss to the base of Sebastian’s cock, right above his balls. As he parts his lips to caress the underside of Sebastian’s length with his tongue, slowly dragging it upwards, Sebastian can’t suppress a groan.
“Fuck! Oh, babe...yeeesss...oh FUCK!”
Blaine closes his lips around the tip of Sebastian’s dick, circling his tongue around it and slowly sucking him into his mouth. Sebastian feels like he’s close to passing out. He opens his eyes and lifts his head to check if this is really happening. His gaze meets Blaine’s, and Blaine’s eyes - these beautiful golden eyes - are darker than Sebastian has ever seen them, wantonly flaring with lust. Blaine sinking his head down onto his cock must be the hottest thing Sebastian has ever seen, and it’s definitely the best sensation he’s ever felt.
Blaine starts to move his head up and down, eagerly licking and sucking Sebastian’s length into his mouth, driving Sebastian increasingly mad with pleasure. What Blaine told him about Eli - that he wasn’t able to make Eli come - is entirely unimaginable now. Sebastian has never received a better blow job - and he’s had quite a few. Maybe he’s been with guys who had more experience and slightly more finesse and skills...but Sebastian has never felt so desired. Blaine seems to thoroughly enjoy what he’s doing, occasionally releasing humming moans and taking Sebastian’s dick deeper and deeper down his throat.
“Oh Blaine...baby...yes...oohh fuck! This feels so fucking good, I’m gonna...”
Sebastian tries to warn Blaine, but it’s too late. He usually prides himself for his stamina in the bedroom, but Blaine’s mouth and movements simply feel too good to bear. All of a sudden, Sebastian can’t take it any longer, and he explodes...
It’s impossible to determine which aspect of this moment of release is best. The incredible, mind-blowing physical pleasure flooding every fiber of his being from head to toe as Sebastian orgasms, or the fact that Blaine is the one who caused it...
...Blaine, who’s so outrageously hot that he could probably make Sebastian come if he were just sitting in front of him in all his naked glory...
...Blaine, who so blatantly waited for this to happen just as long as Sebastian...
...Blaine, who completely staggers Sebastian by eagerly swallowing his entire load.
It’s mind-blowing, absolutely unbelievable. It’s the most intimate act between them so far, and it makes Sebastian feel so grateful, so happy, and so in love. When Blaine lets go of his cock, Sebastian is still nearly unconscious, floating somewhere in an endless sea of bliss.
Blaine. Blaine. Blaine. Blaine. Blaine.
Sebastian’s heart is beating his name again. His name. Blaine. The personification of perfection, king, angel, deity, center of the fucking universe.
When Blaine lies down next to him, smiling brightly with his incredible, seductive lips, Sebastian feels like he’s overflowing with love. It’s too much to be contained within one single body, one mind, one heart. This love must already be emanating from each and every pore of Sebastian’s skin, like some magical mist or an aura, and being inhaled by Blaine, filling him up from within. It’s too much love not to be shared. It’s too much love not to be spoken out loud.
“I...” Sebastian pants, but he knows it’s way too soon. Maybe Blaine doesn’t feel this way yet, and it would hurt too much if he didn’t return the three crazy words that are resonating in Sebastian’s mind. So at the very last second before these words escape his mouth, he slightly adjusts them. “Thank you.”
A chuckle escapes from Blaine’s gorgeous mouth. “What for?”
For being you. For making me love you. And for wanting me, too.
“For swallowing,” Sebastian replies, his breathing slowly returning to its normal frequency. “I’m not really used to that.”
“It was my first time doing that,” Blaine admits somewhat shyly.
“Really?” Sebastian asks, eyes wide open. Knowing that Blaine has never shared this kind of intimacy with anyone else makes it even so much better.
“Yeah, and I liked it. It was pretty...hot.”
“What did it taste like?”
“Hmmm,” Blaine hummed, visibly focusing on the taste still lingering on his tongue. “Salty...but also a little sweet. Pretty much unique, I guess. Tastes like...you.”
With a swift motion, Sebastian climbs on top of Blaine and kisses him until he can taste it too. He tastes himself in Blaine’s mouth, and it pretty much blows his mind.
When Sebastian was with other guys, he usually insisted on sucking them off first so that he could make a quick getaway after finally getting off himself. But with Blaine, it’s nothing like that. Although Sebastian has just been blessed with what must have been the most intense orgasm in his life, he feels like the highlight is yet to come. He wants to see Blaine fall apart in front of his eyes, make him moan with pleasure, give him everything he deserves.
“Can’t wait to taste you,” Sebastian mumbles against Blaine’s lips.
“Well...I don’t know about that,” Blaine murmurs, suddenly sounding somewhat insecure again. “I guess I shouldn’t be talking about my ex when we’re in bed, but...once I accidentally came in his mouth, and he spat it all out as if it was toxic and got really mad at me. Maybe mine doesn’t taste as good as yours...”
Swiftly jolting his head back, Sebastian stares at Blaine with an incredulous expression, his mouth agape in outrage. He simply can’t believe how Hummel managed to crush Blaine’s self-confidence in so many ways. It’s a fucking tragedy.
“You gotta be kidding me,” Sebastian retorts with a smirk, trying to cover up his anger and disdain for Blaine’s ex. “Don’t you dare pull out before I’ve sucked off every last drop...”
Although Sebastian would happily spend hours worshiping every precious inch of the gorgeous, sacred body beneath him, he doesn’t want to make Blaine wait any longer for his relief. He positions himself between Blaine’s legs and bends down to kiss his thighs.
God, these thighs...these strong, perfect thighs. How often has Sebastian marveled at them from afar. Now he finally gets to touch them, kiss them, see and feel the soft, downy hair they’re covered in. He drags his lips along them, upwards, until he arrives at the spot where these amazing thighs meet...
...and where Blaine’s balls - evenly round, firm and swollen with arousal - are begging Sebastian to lick them. He lustfully circles his tongue around them, gently sucking them inside his mouth. The soft moans escaping from Blaine’s mouth are the most gratifying reward Sebastian has ever received. Encouraged by the sweet sounds, he begins to caress Blaine’s deliciously hard cock, savoring the salty taste of his skin and precum.
As Sebastian takes care of Blaine’s length with his tongue and lips, eventually sliding it into his mouth and sucking it with abandon, he’s sure that he never wants to taste another dick again. This perfect cock is his now, and the feeling and taste it leaves on his tongue is better than what he could have ever wished for.
After months of abstinence, Blaine doesn’t last long either. When his cock starts to twitch in Sebastian’s mouth, Sebastian intensifies his efforts, allowing Blaine to slide further down his throat until he feels tears shooting into his eyes. Moaning Sebastian’s name and burying his hands in the chestnut-colored hair, Blaine thrusts up his hips and spurts his hot cum deep into Sebastian’s mouth.
Instead of swallowing right away, Sebastian gathers the considerable amount of semen on the back of his tongue. After enjoying the beautiful sight of Blaine’s blissed-out face for a moment, he closes his eyes and focuses on the taste of the warm reward in his mouth. There are no words to describe it. It’s Blaine. It’s perfect. He knows he’ll never get enough of it.
Finally swallowing Blaine’s release, Sebastian lies down next to him. Blaine is still breathing fast, a serene smile on his face.
“Okay...wow,” Blaine gasps, lifting his head to kiss Sebastian. “That was pretty damn incredible.”
“You have no idea,” Sebastian replies, grinning. “I hope there’s more where that came from because you’re definitely my new favorite flavor.”
Chuckling and visibly flattered, Blaine playfully boxes Sebastian’s chest. “Get out.”
“I’m serious,” Sebastian insists with a smirk. “Can we do this every day now?”
“Absolutely,” Blaine purrs before he leans in for another, much longer kiss.
Afterwards, they simply lie there for a while, holding each other, kissing, patting, squeezing. Sebastian feels like he’s solved the mystery of the meaning of life. This is it. Being with Blaine. Being at one with Blaine. It can’t get any better.
As the sexual haze slowly lifts, Sebastian realizes that he’s in Blaine’s room for the first time. The room Blaine grew up in. Blaine’s most private place, where most of his stuff is, and where he probably jerked off watching porn countless times. Being inside it is actually quite exciting, but Sebastian hasn’t even really paid attention to the room yet since he’d been so mesmerized by its proprietor.
Surprisingly, it doesn’t really look like a teenager’s room. The person inhabiting it could as well be an adult, even an old person. Its style is classic, like most of the rooms of the Andersons’ mansion that Sebastian has seen so far. The furniture looks upscale and classy, almost as if it belonged in some sort of castle. The walls are decorated with a dark, striped wallpaper that evokes a somewhat heavy vibe. The pictures hanging on them don’t look like they have any connection with Blaine and his current interests. No band or movie posters, barely any photographs of friends or family.
Judging from Blaine’s playful, colorful clothes, Sebastian hadn’t expected his room to look so bleak and overly serious. It feels more like a lifeless museum. There are several sports trophies on the shelves that must be remnants of a life that no longer has anything to do with the Blaine he knows.
“Did you decorate your room?” Sebastian asks curiously.
“No. Dad had an interior designer plan all the rooms when we moved in. I didn’t bother changing it much.”
“But you’ve been living here for so many years.”
“Yeah...well, I recently got rid of a few photos, you know...and I always preferred hanging out at friends’ homes anyway,” Blaine explains with a thoughtful expression.
“Because of your dad?” Sebastian asks hesitantly.
“Kind of...”
Todd Anderson - what a fucking dick. Sebastian simply doesn’t get why Blaine has been surrounded by so many assholes in his life. Shuddering, he remembers Mr. Anderson’s hostility when they’d met in the Dalton parking lot.
“Man, I think he’d kill me if he knew what we just did...in his house,” Sebastian ponders.
“Don’t worry about him,” Blaine waves off Sebastian’s comment.
“Alright. Hey, isn’t your mom coming back tonight? She said she’d be out with friends, but...”
“Whenever my mom goes out, she never comes home before 5 a.m. or so,” Blaine chuckles. “She’s a bit of a party animal.”
“Okay...so would it be better if I go now?” Sebastian asks carefully.
“No,” Blaine says quickly, turning towards Sebastian with an adorably sheepish smile on his face. “I’d love for you to stay. My mom won’t mind. I mean...she knows that I’m not a kid anymore.”
“But if she knows that we slept together, she’ll definitely mention it to your dad...”
“No, she won’t,” Blaine insists. “And even if she does, why are you worried about it? It’s not up to my father to tell me who I can be with. He’ll see us together eventually, and I don’t even care about what he thinks.”
“Okay,” Sebastian mouths, slightly intimidated by the sudden harshness in Blaine’s voice. He definitely needs to change the subject. “Should we go back to Westerville together tomorrow? I mean...because of the environment.”
And because I don’t want to spend a single minute without you.
“Sure,” Blaine agrees in a lighter tone. “Should I drive this time for a change?”
“If you want.”
Sensing the slight disappointment in Sebastian’s voice, Blaine gives him an amused smile. “I don’t love my car as much as you love your Mustang, so it’s fine if you drive again.”
“Cool,” Sebastian grins. “What time is it?”
“I don’t know...could be past 2 a.m. Do you wanna sleep?”
Sebastian regards Blaine with a challenging smirk. “Actually, I feel like a second serving of your delicious, creamy...”
“Oh my god,” Blaine cuts him off, laughing. “You’re really set on making me forget that awful scene with Kurt, aren’t you?”
Grinning, Sebastian crawls back between Blaine’s legs. Saliva is already gathering in his mouth. “Give me a few more weeks, and you won’t even remember that guy’s name.”
After the second round, they take a shower in Blaine’s own bathroom. Showering with Blaine is yet another dream come true, but they’re too tired to fool around anymore. Rather than being hot and sexy, their mutual shower is chilled and relaxing. It’s all smiles and kisses, a moment of tranquility and domesticity. There’s a certain beauty to it that Sebastian has never thought he’d be able to enjoy. But now he loves it, and that’s far from the only new thing he’s learned tonight.
For the first time in his life, Sebastian has understood that sex isn’t just exchanging favors, giving and taking. It can also be sharing. All of a sudden, he has no clue why he’d been afraid of sex with feelings. Apparently, feelings even add a lot to the physical pleasure, elevating it to a whole new level. Sex with Blaine is the most intense experience Sebastian has ever had. It’s incomparable, downright ethereal. He can’t wait for more...to feel what it’s like to move inside Blaine...to feel Blaine moving inside him.
After their shower, they cuddle up in Blaine’s bed, Sebastian wrapping himself around Blaine’s back, face nuzzled into his soft, freshly washed black curls. Inhaling their wonderful scent and savoring the warmth of Blaine’s naked body, Sebastian drifts off into sleep. Right before all of his thoughts blur into nothingness, he realizes that he’s truly never been happier.
Yes, this must be it. The end of the rainbow.
Chapter 10: Valentine
Chapter Text
The morning after their first time, Sebastian wakes up in paradise - in Blaine’s room, in Blaine’s bed, in Blaine’s arms. And that’s just the beginning.
When Blaine and Sebastian return to Dalton, life at the boarding school is completely different, and it has never been so good. Frankly, Sebastian is living the dream. It’s not an overstatement; there’s simply no other way to describe it.
In the following week, every day ends like this: After dinner, one of them sneaks into the other one’s room, and they kiss and banter and laugh and kiss some more, until they tear each other’s clothes off and treat each other to mind-blowing orgasms. Afterwards they snuggle up together in a bed that’s way too small for the two of them and blissfully fall asleep. Upon waking up in the morning, they hastily repeat what they did the night before and take a rushed shower before hurrying to the dining hall for breakfast, where they exchange conspiratorial smiles across the table.
They haven’t gone any further than hand and blow jobs yet. Although Sebastian has been dreaming of Blaine’s ass forever, he prefers not to be the one who initiates taking things to the next level. It’s probably better not to rush it because Sebastian doesn’t really know how experienced Blaine is and also...well, admittedly he’s slightly confused.
Whenever Sebastian had hooked up with guys in the past, he’d told them he was a top. He’d never been completely sure if that’s even true (because he actually enjoys playing with toys), but giving up control had never been his thing. He’d always considered topping easier and less risky because bottoming requires trust - and Sebastian’s trust is a very scarce resource that no other guy had been able to earn.
But now Sebastian is with Blaine, and he’d trust Blaine with his life. What’s more, he thinks more about Blaine’s gorgeous cock rather than his ass, which is somewhat unexpected, to say the least. Of course Sebastian still wants to bury his dick in Blaine’s amazing bubble butt, especially now that he’s had the pleasure of seeing it naked and squeezing its perfect round cheeks...but weirdly Sebastian’s desire to feel Blaine’s cock inside him is even stronger.
Maybe it has something to do with Blaine’s new-found self-confidence. It’s just such a turn-on. This week Sebastian has skipped another lacrosse training session to watch Blaine play soccer because he can’t get enough of seeing his boyfriend display his physical strength, agility, and urge for dominance. Every time he sees him win a tackle, Sebastian desperately wants Blaine to pin him into a mattress, or against a wall or whatever, and fuck him as hard as he can.
And fortunately it can only be a matter of time until that happens because to Sebastian’s amazement and delight, Blaine’s sex drive is absolutely on a par with his own. Blaine may have the innocent charm of a bashful schoolboy, but when they’re together behind closed doors, he transforms into the horny stud Sebastian has always secretly been hoping he is. Even in class one day, Blaine almost gave Sebastian a heart attack (and a painful boner) by throwing him a mischievous look and wantonly pushing his tongue into his cheek a couple of times, mimicking a blow job. That boy simply is a total killer.
Sebastian definitely gets less sleep than he used to, but he’s never felt as energetic as he does now. It’s as if every smile on Blaine’s face and every little touch recharge Sebastian’s batteries. There are no words to express how much Sebastian loves everything about Blaine; his benevolence and sweetness, the sass and the sex. He loves all of Blaine, and every now and then Sebastian simply wants to tell him, feeling those three intimidating, magical words tingling on the tip of his tongue...
A few days after the party at the Andersons’ house in Lima, Blaine and Sebastian are brushing their teeth next to each other in their dorm bathroom after a hurried post-wake-up make-out session. Sebastian is still amazed about the fact that even lame things such as brushing his teeth can be an amusing activity in Blaine’s presence.
Every time their eyes meet in the mirror, the corners of Blaine’s mouth curl up. It’s really cute, and usually Sebastian just smiles back at him, but this time he can’t keep his countenance and breaks into unrestrained laughter.
“Huh? Whazzo funny?” Blaine asks without removing the toothbrush from his mouth.
“Look at yourself!” Sebastian grins, pointing his toothbrush at Blaine’s reflection in the mirror.
With a puzzled look, Blaine spits out some toothpaste and inspects his face, squinting his eyes. “What do you mean? I look just like any other day.”
“Exactly! You always use way too much toothpaste,” Sebastian smirks. “Look at my mouth, then look at yours.”
When Blaine notices the difference between Sebastian’s almost clean lips and his own, covered in an obscene amount of white foam all the way down to his chin, he has to chuckle as well.
“So what? I really like my toothpaste. It’s strawberry-mint. Wanna try?” Blaine asks, holding out the tube to Sebastian.
“I actually do,” Sebastian affirms, quickly rinsing out his mouth with water. But instead of taking the tube and applying the toothpaste to his toothbrush, he surprises Blaine with a spontaneous kiss, savoring the taste of strawberries and mint on Blaine’s lips and tongue.
As soon as Sebastian pulls back, Blaine bursts into hearty laughter, pointing at Sebastian’s reflection in the mirror. Sebastian’s mouth is now covered in the same foamy mess.
“Definitely tastes much better than mine,” Sebastian acknowledges before wiping his mouth with his hands. “And I wanna clarify that I don’t want you to use any less of it. I really like your foam beard.”
It’s adorable. And besides, I love you.
“That’s good to hear. ‘Cause I need my regular fix of this stuff,” Blaine grins, rinsing out his mouth and drying it off with the towel that is hanging over his shoulder. “Speaking of beards...I think I really need to shave again,” he mumbles, leaning towards the mirror to take a closer look at the short stubble on his jaw. All of a sudden, a surprised “oh” escapes from his mouth.
“Hm?” Sebastian hums while trying to tame the chestnut-colored chaos on his head with a comb and some hair spray.
“Umm...I meant to ask you something,” Blaine says, suddenly sounding somewhat hesitant.
“Shoot.”
“Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day...”
Doh. Sebastian has never cared about that particular day. It hadn’t been on his radar at all, but he should’ve known that it might be important for Blaine. Good thing Sebastian still has twenty-four hours to come up with some sort of present for him.
“I don’t know if you’ve already made any plans, but...there’s a wedding I’ve been invited to,” Blaine continues, gazing up at Sebastian with a conscience-stricken expression. “Mr. Schue’s wedding. I know I should’ve told you much sooner, but I wasn’t planning on going until everybody at my birthday party asked me to reconsider.”
“Okay. Why wouldn’t you wanna go?” Sebastian feels weirdly relieved. If Blaine goes to a wedding, he’ll have some more time to arrange a surprise.
“Because it’s Valentine’s Day - our first. I can bring a plus one to the wedding, and of course I’d like you to come, but obviously it would be much nicer if we could do something on our own.”
“Well...I think Mr. Schue wasn’t exactly thinking of me when he added a plus one to your invite. Your McKinley friends only just had to put up with me at your birthday party, and they clearly still have a problem with me. They’d probably consider me some sort of wedding crasher.”
“No, they wouldn’t, really. You’re my boyfriend, and I know you’ll all get along once you know each other better. The problem is...” Blaine gulps nervously. “I think Kurt will be there.”
Upon hearing that annoying name again, Sebastian’s heart sinks a little, but he manages to keep a straight face. “So?”
“I haven’t seen him in a while. And he might not know about us yet...although someone must’ve told him by now.”
“So?” Sebastian repeats, making sure to sound as unconcerned as possible, but his heart is suddenly pounding like crazy. He’s wanted to pose a particular question for a while now, but he might have been slightly scared of Blaine’s reaction. And although he’s still scared now, he finally brings himself to ask, “What’s the problem? You’re over him, aren’t you?”
Blaine thankfully responds with a steady voice and without any hesitation, sheepishly smiling up at Sebastian. “Yes, I am - thanks to you. And he might already have a new boyfriend too, which would be great. I’m just afraid that some weird situation might occur and spoil our first Valentine’s Day. I really don’t want that to happen.”
After holding his breath for a few straining seconds, Sebastian exhales with relief. “Well...you can always go to the wedding alone, and we can do something together afterwards.”
“I don’t think we’d have time for that because even the drive there takes almost two hours. I think I’ll have to miss the wedding ceremony at the church anyway because of class, but I really wanna join the party afterwards at least. Tomorrow is Thursday, so I’ll definitely have to skip the Warblers’ rehearsal, which really sucks so close to Regionals,” Blaine ponders absently. “Anyways, there certainly wouldn’t be any time to go out afterwards, and that’s why I’ll only go if you wanna come with me.”
“I see,” Sebastian mumbles, weighing his options. “If going to that wedding together is what you wanna do on Valentine’s Day, we’ll do it.”
Blaine’s face lights up with a grateful smile. “Thank you! It really means a lot to me.”
“Anything for you, babe,” Sebastian says, warmly returning Blaine’s smile.
Anything. Even spending Valentine’s Day at a creepy teacher’s undoubtedly lame wedding, where Sebastian will have to socialize with those unbearable Glee Club folks again and possibly even put up with Hummel’s hideous Smurf face. But maybe the dumb look on that face upon seeing Blaine and Sebastian together will make it all worthwhile.
Thanks to Blaine’s decision to skip their last class and Sebastian’s driving skills (not to mention speeding on the highway), they arrive at the wedding just as the church ceremony is about to begin. After soundlessly sneaking inside the church, Blaine and Sebastian take a seat on one of the benches in the back, expecting the bride to enter behind them any second.
Mr. Schue is already standing in front of the altar, next to the priest and Hummel’s oversized step brother, who is apparently his best man. Why a teacher would pick an eighteen or nineteen-year old ex-student as his best man is beyond Sebastian. It’s downright disturbing and only confirms that McKinley is a dubious cradle of iniquity. Good thing Blaine has saved himself by leaving it all behind him.
Sebastian is still dwelling on his aversion to the school when the church doors fly open and the organ music abruptly stops. As he turns his head to catch a glimpse of the bride, he’s surprised to see McKinley’s insufferable cheerleading coach in a white wedding dress, holding a bouquet of flowers. Puzzled, Sebastian turns to Blaine, whose jaw has dropped.
“What’s going on here?” Sebastian whispers. “I thought they hated each other.”
“They do,” Blaine mouths voicelessly, obviously just as confused as everyone else.
In the following minutes, it becomes clear that the actual bride has fled the scene, and the wedding is off. But since the food and drinks at the nearby hotel have already been paid for, the guests are told to gather there and enjoy themselves.
Sebastian isn’t even surprised that the wedding debacle is all but forgotten as soon as everyone is holding a drink in their hands. It’s probably the only reason why anyone would go to a teacher’s wedding anyway.
While Blaine mingles with the Glee Club guys at the party, Sebastian decides to keep his distance. He stays at the bar, sipping on a Martini, and watches the chatting and dancing crowd. Fortunately he hasn’t seen Hummel yet, but he’s overheard someone saying he’s there too.
Soon Sebastian’s eyes come to rest on his boyfriend. Blaine looks so damn hot in his elegant black suit. Like a fucking prince. Sebastian’s thoughts drift off to the previous night, and he feels his dick swelling inside his pants. He’d love nothing more than to take Blaine by the hand and drag him upstairs into one of the hotel rooms and...
“Hey, how’s it going?”
Sebastian’s head flies around, just in time to see the blond stripper approaching. Hastily shoving his heated thoughts about Blaine’s cock to the back of his mind, Sebastian indifferently shrugs his shoulders. “Great party, isn’t it?”
“I must say, I was surprised to see that Blaine had the nerve to bring you here. But it looks like this time you’re not even involved in causing the chaos. Impressive,” Stripper Boy says, clinking his glass against Sebastian’s. “Cheers.”
Instantly feeling offended, Sebastian responds with a derogatory snort. “Feel free to still blame it on me. My presence is obviously a bad omen,” he retorts in a passive-aggressive tone, chugging down the rest of his Martini.
“Woah, take it easy, bud. I come in peace. I think I’ve finally wrapped my head around the idea that you and Blaine are a thing. I’ll simply assume that means you’ll refrain from screwing with his friends. As long as that’s the case, we’re good.”
Sebastian can’t keep himself from rolling his eyes at that, but if Stripper Boy wants to engage in a serious conversation, he has to play along - for Blaine’s sake.
“We’re good then,” Sebastian replies matter-of-factly. He takes a deep breath and decides to ignore his hostile feelings. “So how about we start over, uuh...Sam?”
“Sure, let’s do that,” Sam agrees with an almost friendly half-smile.
“Let me get us a couple of beers,” Sebastian announces, trying to get the bartender’s attention by waving his fake ID.
After drinking to their new start, Sebastian asks as casually as possible, “I heard Hummel is supposed to be here. Have you seen him?”
“Yeah, he was at the church, but...” A frown forms on Sam’s face. “I heard he took off after seeing you with Blaine.”
Sebastian raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Oh. So he’s gone now?”
“Apparently,” Sam confirms, shrugging.
Weirdly, Sebastian feels simultaneously relieved and disappointed about the news. He’d really wanted to see the jealous look on Hummel’s face. But he decides not to waste any more thoughts on that idiot and continues his conversation with Sam, which turns out to be surprisingly pleasant.
When Blaine spots Sebastian and Sam, he comes dancing over to them, beaming brighter than the disco ball above them. He’s clearly overjoyed to see the two of them getting along with each other.
After Sam excuses himself, Blaine asks Sebastian to dance, and since chatting with Sam had gone so well, Sebastian is definitely in the mood for it. The Glee Club members are taking turns singing on stage, so the music is not exactly to Sebastian’s liking, but dancing with Blaine is a blast. Every now and then, he catches Tina’s jealous looks from the sidelines, but even she had exchanged a few decent words with him earlier. All in all, the party is much more enjoyable than expected, and that’s not only down to the alcohol.
Blaine and Sebastian giddily whirl each other around on the dance floor for at least half an hour. Eventually Blaine is thirsty again, and they walk back over to the bar.
They haven’t even ordered their drinks yet when all of a sudden a shrill voice yells at them from behind.
“You’re so full of shit, Blaine!”
Bewildered, both Blaine and Sebastian spin around, just to see a red-faced, fuming Kurt Hummel standing behind them. His suit jacket is open, the top buttons of his white shirt as well, and his tie is loosely hanging around his neck.
“Of course you’re with him now!” he spews in a venomous tone. “Don’t you dare tell me again you didn’t cheat on me with him!”
“Kurt...I...” Blaine stammers, clearly overwhelmed by the sudden confrontation with his ex. “I told you, that’s not what happened. Sebastian is...he’s my boyfriend now, but I didn’t cheat on you with him. Look, can’t we just...”
“Oh, he’s your boyfriend - seriously?” Hummel’s blazing eyes jump back and forth between Blaine and Sebastian. “You know what? You two deserve each other, considering both of you can’t help screwing everything with a heartbeat! I hope you two have fun cheating on each other!”
Sebastian has already heard enough. Rage is washing over him like a tsunami, and he has to fight hard not to punch Hummel in his pixie face. It’s a miracle that nobody else seems to be paying attention to the confrontation at the bar. The other guests are probably already too drunk to notice. Or maybe these McKinley kids are simply used to that kind of drama.
“Kurt, listen, please...I completely understand that you’re still mad, but I was hoping we could eventually be friends again,” Blaine pleads with a trembling voice, sounding increasingly desperate. Seeing him like that almost breaks Sebastian’s heart.
“Friends?” Hummel spits, angry tears welling up in his eyes. “I don’t think so! Especially now that you dared to bring him to a wedding you certainly knew I’d attend too. Do you have any idea how humiliating this is for me?”
“For fuck’s sake, Blaine didn’t cheat on you with me!” Sebastian finally snaps when he can’t control his temper anymore. “We only got together after he returned to Dalton. And for the record, Blaine and I are exclusive, and there won’t be any cheating. Unlike you, I intend to treat him the way he deserves to be treated. He was way too good for you, and you still treated him like crap, so it’s absolutely no surprise that...”
“Sebastian, please,” Blaine interjects powerlessly. “This is exactly what I was afraid of...”
Hummel just shakes his head, spitefully glaring at Blaine. “I thought that we could maybe be friends again too, but the fact that you chose him just proves that you’re definitely not the person I thought you were! You’re a disingenuous asshole, just like him!”
Before Sebastian can lash out at him and without even waiting for a response from Blaine, Hummel spins around on his heels and stomps off, disappearing into the dancing crowd.
Upon seeing Blaine stare after his ex with an utterly distraught expression, Sebastian rushes to soothingly rest one hand on his lower back. Once again, he suddenly feels the need to apologize to Blaine.
“Fuck...I’m sorry, but I had to say something.”
“No, I’m sorry. Coming here today was a huge mistake. We should’ve done something different,” Blaine murmurs glumly.
“I don’t know. I’m kinda glad we came here. I think we both had fun until that guy showed up, so let’s just forget about him.”
“It’s not that easy, Sebastian...it’s horrible to know that I hurt him so much and that he’s apparently still hurting.” Blaine’s sad gaze drops to the floor. “I guess I’ll just have to accept that he hates me.”
“I really don’t think he hates you,” Sebastian counters, trying to sound as gentle as possible despite the anger still boiling inside him. He wants nothing more than for Blaine to cheer up again. “It sounded more like he hates me. Did you listen to him? He thinks you’re a bad person because you’re with me. He thinks I’m the Antichrist and hates me because he’s jealous. And he has every reason to be jealous because even though he treated you like shit, somewhere in his tiny mind he knows exactly what a gem you are.”
Sebastian places his fingers under Blaine’s chin and gently lifts it up until Blaine’s bewitching amber eyes meet his.
“He doesn’t hate you. He’s just mad with himself for not taking you back when he still could, and now it’s too late. Because you’re with me,” Sebastian says with a warm smile, “and I really want you to be happy...especially on our first Valentine’s Day.”
Finally, a fleeting smile hovers over Blaine’s lips. When Sebastian pulls him into an embrace, Blaine rests his hands on his hips, and they start to slow dance. Only then does Sebastian realize that Marley is on stage, singing an admittedly fantastic cover of Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis.
“Take my hand,
Take my whole life too...”
Sebastian used to hate sappy lines like these, but all of a sudden he can basically feel the words while holding Blaine in his arms. They’re not sappy; they’re honest and true.
Blaine buries his head against Sebastian’s chest for a long moment. When he looks up at Sebastian again, his face is lit up with a tender smile.
“Thank you,” he says in a low voice. “I know you didn’t even want to be one, but you’re an amazing boyfriend. You always know what to say to make me feel better.”
“Beginner’s luck, I suppose,” Sebastian smirks. “Listen, I finally wanna take you on that date I promised you. How about tomorrow night? It could be our own private Valentine’s Day. I think it would be much cooler if we didn’t share our special day with everyone else anyway.”
Blaine traps his lower lip between his teeth for a few seconds. “I’d love to go on that date. Are you gonna wear this suit and bow tie again? You look sharp.”
“Hmmm...I don’t know. Bow ties are your thing. And I was thinking of taking you to the movies or something like that. I’d probably be a little overdressed for that occasion in this suit, but if you want me to, I’ll wear it again.”
Blaine chuckles softly. “Nah, it’s okay. Maybe you can wear it one night in the dorms so I can find out what it’s like to tear it off you...”
Intrigued, Sebastian raises one eyebrow. “According to Sam, all of the other horny people around here have booked rooms upstairs for tonight. Why didn’t we?”
“Because we have to be in class tomorrow morning,” Blaine grins. “Also, they aren’t as lucky as we are. Most of them live far apart now or even still at their parents’ places. We, on the other hand, live only two doors apart on the same floor and can share a bed whenever we want.”
“Lucky us,” Sebastian affirms with a slight leer, leaning down to capture Blaine’s lips with his.
As Blaine deepens their kiss, tightening his grip around Sebastian’s waist and tipping his groin forward, he’s probably already overcome the worst of the shock of having been exposed to Hummel’s accusations once again - at least that’s what Sebastian hopes.
It doesn’t matter to Sebastian how often he’ll have to snarl at people who don’t accept that he and Blaine are together (after all, Hummel was already #3 after Blaine’s dad and Tina). Nothing in Sebastian’s life has ever been worth fighting for like this very person, the boy of his dreams. But frankly, he still doesn’t get the purpose of Valentine’s Day. Maybe he doesn’t get it because he knows what it’s like to be in love now. Why should February 14 be any different from any other day? Sebastian wants every day to be special for Blaine.
“Would you like to get on stage and sing a duet?” Blaine asks when Marley’s performance is over.
“Absolutely. What do you wanna sing?”
“Hmm...I’ve been having so many Beatles songs stuck in my head lately. How about All You Need Is Love?”
Another song Sebastian used to think of as ridiculous.
“Sure,” Sebastian agrees with a happy smile.
It’s still way too soon to tell Blaine, but at least he gets to somewhat indirectly sing it to him.
“He loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah...”
Oh, he really does.
The following day (their very own alternative Valentine’s Day), Blaine surprises Sebastian with a custom-made box of chocolates bearing the Dalton emblem and filled with a variety of French liqueurs. It’s a mystery how Blaine was able to obtain something so exquisite on such short notice, but Sebastian is thrilled about the present and eats half of the chocolates before the end of the day.
In return, Sebastian takes Blaine to Columbus as soon as classes are over, treating him to an early dinner at an expensive Italian restaurant and to a movie afterwards. He can’t take his eyes off Blaine; even in the dark theater he keeps turning his head and stealing glances at his boyfriend. Blaine just looks so fucking amazing in his tight jeans and maroon cardigan. When Blaine notices Sebastian’s gaze, he returns it with a happy smile, lacing their fingers together on the armrest between their seats.
As soon as they’ve snuck back into the dorms later that night, Blaine drags Sebastian into his room and they tumble onto his bed, entwined in a searing kiss. Boldly demanding control, Blaine pushes Sebastian onto his back and climbs on top of him - causing Sebastian to get dizzy with lust from one second to the next. He wants Blaine to claim him, own him, dominate him... As he feels Blaine’s hands sliding underneath his shirt, Sebastian’s desire for him becomes almost unbearable.
“I want you to fuck me,” Sebastian pleads, longingly glancing up at Blaine.
For a moment Blaine freezes, and his wonderfully lush lips part in bafflement. “You mean...?”
“Yes, up my ass,” Sebastian elaborates with a smirk.
“O-...okay...I mean I’d love to, but I don’t have any condoms here...”
“I don’t care, we’re exclusive...and tested.”
“Oh, uhm...sure. I’ve just never done this without a condom because Kur-...umm...he thought it would be gross...”
“Babe, I’ve heard enough about your sex life with that loser to last me a lifetime. I’ve never done this without a condom either, but it’s different with you.”
Blaine’s doubtful expression melts into a smile. “You’re right.”
“I’ve also never bottomed before, but I really...want to feel you inside me,” Sebastian confesses in a hushed voice.
Once again Blaine stares at Sebastian in astonishment. “Uh...oh...really? Shouldn’t we take it slow then? Maybe use a toy first?”
“It’s okay, I’ve used toys before. I’m sure I can take it. I really want you inside me, Blaine...”
What follows is not exactly what Sebastian had been picturing in his imagination. Blaine doesn’t simply drive his cock into him and fuck him raw like those guys in the porn movies do that Sebastian usually watches. Instead Blaine is incredibly mindful and gentle as he preps Sebastian with his lubed-up fingers, peppering him with kisses and repeatedly asking if he’s feeling okay. And it’s better that way. It’s perfect.
When Blaine finally thrusts into him, slowly and carefully, Sebastian couldn’t be more grateful for being with this marvelous, kind-hearted boy. If there’s any pain, Sebastian’s brain doesn’t even register it. It’s too busy trying to process the fact that Blaine’s beautiful cock is inside him, causing him to feel entirely new, electrifying kinds of pleasure that Sebastian hadn’t even dreamed of.
“Does it feel good like this?” Blaine asks with an insecure smile on his face while thrusting into Sebastian at a slow but steady pace.
God, you’re so gorgeous.
Sebastian used to hate missionary. It’s the one position he always avoided with other guys because why would he want to look them in the eyes while fucking them? But this, with Blaine, is a whole new world. In addition to the currents of pleasure that Blaine’s cock sends through Sebastian’s body with every move, watching Blaine’s face during sex is the most rewarding thing ever.
“So good,” Sebastian gasps, smiling back at Blaine. “And for you?”
The worried expression on Blaine’s face instantly disappears and he grins. “You feel a-maaa-zing...”
It’s one of those moments when Sebastian thinks he must be close to exploding from the enormous amount of love piling up inside him. Intoxicated with unbridled affection, he pulls Blaine down into a passionate kiss, burying his hands in Blaine’s dark hair, freeing his curls from the dried-up gel.
After letting go of Blaine, Sebastian smirks up at him. Between moans, he encourages him to go faster. “Just take what you need, babe...ohhh yeah...I really want to feel you...ohh...come inside me.”
“What about you? Are you close?” Blaine asks, panting.
“I feel like I am, but...maybe...oh yeeaah,” Sebastian groans when Blaine’s right hand suddenly closes around his dick, pumping it while slamming his groin against Sebastian’s ass at a faster pace, burying his cock deep inside him.
Already close to a state of absolute ecstasy, Sebastian digs his fingers into Blaine’s perfect, firm ass cheeks. Feeling those strong muscles contract with each thrust is simply mesmerizing...and so is the feeling of Blaine’s thick cock stretching him, filling him up so completely...
Everything about Blaine is so fucking irresistible; the sweet moans from his gorgeous mouth; the alluring scent and salty taste of the sweat on his chest and abs; the wanton glimmer in his dark, lust-blown eyes...
All of a sudden, Sebastian feels Blaine’s cock twitch, finally spurting out his seed deep inside him. That’s when he can’t take it anymore. He closes his eyes and lets out one final groan while spilling his warm, sticky cum all over his own stomach.
Breathing heavily and still pretty much blissed out, they grin at each other like loons before Blaine slowly pulls out and drops down next to Sebastian.
“Oh fuck...that was so good,” Blaine gushes, snuggling up to Sebastian and pressing a soft kiss to his lips.
“Otherworldly,” Sebastian confirms with a contented sigh.
‘Cause although I don’t believe in angels, you must be one. And I love you. So much.
They don’t switch positions until Blaine has figured out how to make Sebastian come hands-free a few days later.
When they finally do switch two nights before Regionals, Sebastian insists on caressing and stretching Blaine with his tongue (a first for the both of them), making him moan so loud that Nick most certainly hears it in the next room.
Blaine doesn’t even need anymore prepping afterwards, and when Sebastian kneels down between his legs, looking down at his boyfriend’s flawless body spread out in front of him, he almost feels like he’s about to burst into tears of sheer gratitude. This - all of this - is everything he’s ever wanted and more.
Sebastian is in a state of complete awe as he sheathes his cock inside Blaine, losing himself in those fascinating eyes - deep, black pools with a glistening golden ring around them...
He’s so high on lust and on Blaine that he has no idea how he manages to make Blaine climax within only a few minutes. Yet he somehow does before exploding inside him, and Blaine’s body and his own and the world around them seem to melt into a blur of sheer bliss.
Sebastian’s dick is still buried inside Blaine when the words finally tumble out of his mouth, unstoppable like an orgasm. The way Blaine is looking at him, so full of affection, Sebastian simply can’t not say it.
“I love you,” Sebastian whispers almost voicelessly.
As soon as the words are out, a look of utter surprise wipes the smile off Blaine’s face, and Sebastian is instantly hit by a wave of anxiety and regret.
Fuuuuuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Why the hell did you just say that, you fucking idiot? It’s still way too soon, and how could you dare to say it at the most inappropriate time ever - while your goddamn dick is still inside him - you unromantic, dumb prick??? You ruined everything! Now he’ll never say it back, and everything’s over!
Paralyzed with fear, Sebastian slowly pulls out and drops down onto the bed next to Blaine. In his anxious stupor, he almost misses the amused grin that has appeared on Blaine’s face.
“I know,” Blaine comments - which is not exactly the answer Sebastian had been hoping for.
“Huh?” Sebastian mouths with a confused frown.
“You told me that before,” Blaine elaborates, still grinning.
“What? When?”
“When you were drunk on Tequila after my actual birthday party with the Warblers. When we went to bed and you paid me a bunch of compliments.”
Oh, for fuck’s sake. So the first time you told him that you love him wasn’t actually right after fucking him - you did it while being wasted...you IDIOT!
“Okay...I guess telling you then was even worse than telling you now,” Sebastian murmurs guiltily. “I know it’s way too soon. Don’t feel obliged to say it back. I’m...fuck, I’m really sorry.”
“I think there’s no bad moment to say something so wonderful to somebody as long as you mean it.”
Sebastian’s heart starts to feel a little lighter when he sees the radiant smile wreathing Blaine’s face. It’s even more captivating than usual. Maybe Blaine isn’t upset. Maybe Sebastian can still fix this.
“I have no recollection of the first time I said it,” Sebastian admits, “but I know I meant it then just as much as I do now. And maybe it’s not even too soon to say it because I’ve been feeling this way for quite some time. So I’ll just say it again. I love you.”
Blaine is silent for a moment, but he doesn’t look like he’s thinking hard about what to say next. His serene smile reveals that he already knows what he’s going to do. Propping himself up on one elbow, he closes the distance between them and softly presses his lips to Sebastian’s. The kiss quickly becomes so fervent and all-consuming that it makes Sebastian’s toes curl, and is felt through every fiber of his being and down to his very bones.
A random thought about biology class earlier that day suddenly crosses Sebastian’s mind. They’d talked about the golden eagle that nests high up on cliffs. When a young eagle leaves the nest, it simply spreads its wings and jumps. Sebastian imagines that first flight must feel like falling in love...a little bit like a suicide mission.
But if things work out, the outcome more than justifies the risk. Right now Sebastian feels just like a young golden eagle must be feeling when it’s soaring high above the earth below it - like the king of the world; and he realizes if this is what being in love feels like, he should have taken the plunge a long time ago.
As they reluctantly break their epic kiss, Sebastian’s eyes widen and his breath hitches at the utter adoration he reads deep within Blaine’s prismatic, luminous amber eyes. Blaine’s voice has never sounded more melodious and sincere than when he utters the most beautiful and sublime words anyone has ever said to Sebastian.
“I love you, too.”
Chapter 11: Showtime|Showdown
Chapter Text
Sebastian is never particularly nervous before a performance with the Warblers. There’s simply no reason for it. His singing and dancing skills are exceptional, and he knows it. In his opinion, the audience is lucky to have the privilege of witnessing his outstanding talent.
Thinking back to Sectionals last November, Sebastian’s solo had driven the crowd insane. Hunter still believes Whistle had made the difference then, but that’s delusional bullshit. During and after Sebastian’s solo, Live While We’re Young, the cheering had been so much louder and more enthusiastic. While performing, he partly hadn’t even been able to hear the backing vocals anymore.
Ever since Sebastian had joined the Warblers, he’s been their star, and that didn’t even change after he’d stepped back as captain because of the Slushie disaster. Sebastian was born to be in the spotlight, and for a long time he would’ve done anything to defend his place in the very center of it...
...until now.
“Damn, I’m really anxious,” Blaine mumbles nervously, wearing an embarrassed smile on his face. He’s standing so close to Sebastian that the sleeves of their blazers brush against each other, the tips of his fingers unconsciously searching for Sebastian’s.
“Huh? Why? Since when are you the kinda guy who gets stage fright?” Sebastian wonders, squeezing Blaine’s hand encouragingly. “I have no doubt you’ll absolutely kill it once you’re out there.”
Sebastian is feeling hot. Way too hot, as always. He’ll never get over how much it sucks that the Warblers insist on performing in their school uniforms. Fuck tradition. Even if you’re as cool and relaxed as Sebastian, you can’t avoid breaking into a sweat long before entering the stage and starting to dance in the blazing spotlight. He doesn’t even want to imagine how guys like Trent, who almost die of stage fright every single time before a performance, must feel. Blaine’s hand in his feels hot and sweaty, too.
“I don’t think it’s stage fright. It’s not because of the performance,” Blaine explains in a low voice. “I love the song, and I’m looking forward to singing it. It’s that...I’m afraid the audience will think of me as a traitor or something like that. Because I competed with the New Directions last year, and now I’m suddenly back with the Warblers. You know the gossip on the blogs...”
“Oh babe. When are you gonna stop worrying about what other people think about you? Nobody in the audience will waste a single thought about that because you’re instantly gonna paralyze them with your sex appeal once you set foot on the stage.”
As so often when Blaine is flattered, he ducks his head and releases a soft chuckle. It’s simply adorable and makes Sebastian want to kiss him so badly. But there’s no time for PDA. The Warblers have already been announced.
“Once they see you in this uniform again, they’ll immediately forget that they’ve ever seen you wearing any other outfit,” Sebastian grins, caressing Blaine’s palm with his thumb one last time before letting go of his hand.
“I love you,” Blaine whispers with a disarming smile that makes Sebastian feel even hotter than he already did.
“I love you, too.”
It’s only the second time they’ve exchanged these words, and Sebastian’s heart feels like it wants to leap out of his chest again. Actually, he feels like saying those words to Blaine every other minute. He just loves him so much. It’s almost surreal. Suddenly there’s just so much love.
Sebastian recently realized that having a boyfriend is actually not so bad - not bad at all. Admittedly, it’s even pretty amazing. Who would’ve thought?
Frankly, Sebastian has never had so much sex in his life. Also, sex has never been so good. He’s not quite sure if that’s because Blaine is the hottest guy he’s been with, or if it’s because of that crazy little thing called love...probably a bit of both. But it’s not just the sex that makes having a boyfriend so unexpectedly awesome. There’s so much more that makes Sebastian feel like he’s found heaven on earth.
Waking up next to Blaine while he’s still asleep, for instance, is the best thing in the world. It simply is. Sebastian doesn’t even think that only because Blaine sports a glorious boner every morning. That’s awesome too, but it’s the sheer magic of it all that makes it so good: the calming sound of Blaine’s deep, rhythmic breathing; the heat of his skin wherever their bodies happen to be touching; the first sight of his beautiful, serene face and messy raven curls after returning from the blackness of a dreamless slumber...all that is like the promise of a perfect day to come.
And then there’s the thing about Blaine’s sweetness. Sebastian hadn’t thought he’d ever be into that kind of stuff, but Blaine constantly makes him learn entirely new things about himself. Even though Sebastian loves it when Blaine shows his butch side on the soccer field, he adores his sweet and sunny nature just as much. In fact, that boy can be sweeter than a pot of honey.
The previous night when the Warblers had snuck into the performance hall where Regionals would take place, following their long tradition, Blaine had suddenly taken Sebastian’s hand and placed something in it. It was completely dark on the stage except for the very limited light of a few flashlights, so Sebastian initially wasn’t able to take a look at the object. It felt cool, light, and weirdly precious.
“I thought it might be a warbler, and it made me think of you. It’s supposed to be a lucky charm,” Blaine had whispered with a sheepish smile on his face that Sebastian could barely see. “I know you usually don’t wear jewelry, but maybe you can just carry it in your pocket.”
Sebastian didn’t have to see Blaine’s gift to love it. He immediately put the necklace around his neck and slipped it underneath his shirt. That’s where it still is, and Sebastian has no intention of ever taking it off again.
Only hours later, after they’d returned to Dalton, Sebastian got the chance to see that Blaine had given him a silver necklace with a small, beautiful pendant in the shape of a bird.
Sebastian weirdly feels like he has a piece of Blaine now; one he can carry with him wherever he goes. That’s why the necklace is undoubtedly the most valuable thing he’s ever possessed, no matter what it might have cost.
As the other Warblers begin to walk out on stage, Sebastian is snapped out of his memories of the previous night. Trailing behind Blaine, his right hand wanders to his chest, sliding below his tie to touch the little bird underneath the white fabric of his uniform shirt. Eyes glued to the boy walking in front of him, he momentarily forgets that he’d only just felt gross and sticky. All he can perceive now is profound gratitude. And love. So much love, although he’s probably only just begun to learn what that word even means.
As the other Warblers get into formation, Hunter jogs up to the front of the stage to introduce the group and commence the show with his solo. Hunter had insisted on opening the set again, claiming it’s the captain’s duty. Sebastian is supposed to go second and Blaine last. It’s obvious what that means: Blaine’s solo is officially considered the highlight of the show, even though Hunter would never admit it. It had been incredibly amusing to watch Hunter fighting with himself and reluctantly swallowing his pride when deciding to let Blaine perform last.
It had been obvious from the start that Hunter and Blaine don’t get along at all. Whenever there’s a disagreement between them, all other Warblers side with Blaine, and it makes Hunter frantic. He’s still pissed that Blaine’s going to sing Dark Side instead of the Linkin Park song What I’ve Done that he’d suggested to torment him by reminding him of his guilty conscience.
During the past few rehearsals, Sebastian has gotten the impression that the other Warblers consider Blaine to be their true captain, and Blaine has also come to act a little like it. Seeing him behave all bossy while arguing with Hunter is actually a major turn-on for Sebastian...
Admittedly though, Sebastian had briefly considered Blaine’s popularity with the Warblers somewhat problematic. Initially, he’d even been afraid he might start to resent Blaine a little for stealing some of his thunder too. After all, Sebastian craves the spotlight, but now he’s suddenly only second best.
However, Sebastian had been surprised to discover that he doesn’t resent Blaine for playing first fiddle at all, not even a little. Instead, Sebastian is damn proud of his boyfriend, and he’s stoked to finally get the chance to be on stage with him. Ultimately, the whole point of convincing Blaine to return to Dalton was that the Warblers need him...because he’s something like a show choir genius.
The show begins. Hunter’s interpretation of Train’s Drive By is alright, but it seems awfully wrong to hear him sing that he’s “just a shy guy”. For some reason though, it appeals to the girls in the audience, and the cheers and screams are definitely louder than during the other show choirs’ performances.
But just like at Sectionals, the crowd gets clearly more engaged when Sebastian takes over. “Engaged” is actually an understatement because not a single person is able to stay on their seats.
Sebastian is aware Hunter meant to antagonize him by suggesting he should sing a really “girly” song like Domino by Jessie J. But Sebastian doesn’t give a damn about Hunter’s provocations. The lyrics are even trashier than the boy band crap Hunter had made him sing in the past, but interestingly, Sebastian can actually relate to every word he’s singing. It’s kind of hilarious.
“Rock my world until the sunlight
Make this dream the best I’ve ever known
Dirty dancing in the moonlight
Take me down like I’m a domino”
Sebastian wants to take Blaine and escape to the dream world described in these tacky, overly sexualized lyrics...and it seems like Sebastian is not the only one. The way Blaine keeps grinning at him, whenever the choreography allows them to face each other, is priceless. He’s probably thinking exactly the same.
“This love is skin-tight
Baby, come on
Boom me like a bass drum...”
Hell yeah. So fucking ridiculous. But thanks for the enticing images in my head, Hunter...
The crowd is literally going wild again, dancing and cheering in front of their seats. Their effusive reaction to his performance is like a drug for Sebastian. Completely forgetting that he’s way too hot and sweaty underneath his school uniform, he sings his heart out, and it feels so much better than it ever has because Blaine is singing and dancing next to him. But the highlight is yet to come.
When the legendary Blaine Anderson strikes up the first notes of Dark Side, the audience is eerily quiet. Sebastian can sense that Blaine is still somewhat anxious, probably assuming that his worries were justified. Yet as he sings, he still manages to charge the lyrics with so much emotion that only a heartless monster could remain unmoved.
“Please remind me who I really am”, Blaine sings, and the crowd finally seems to understand: He’s back with the Warblers because it’s where he belongs.
Once a Warbler, always a Warbler.
As the cheering intensifies, Sebastian observes how Blaine is gradually freed from the heavy weight on his mind. His voice and his moves increasingly gain more power and momentum, pulling the audience in; then in turn enthralling them and turning them wild in their appreciation. And finally, Blaine Anderson has reclaimed the affection of the show choir world...within a single minute.
Just like at the rehearsals, Sebastian is having trouble keeping up with the choreography and the backing vocals during Blaine’s solo. The song has come to mean so much to both of them. It even feels like they’re alone on the stage when Blaine slightly ignores the rehearsed choreography and suddenly dances up to Sebastian, singing straight to him,
“Don’t run away
Don’t run away
Just promise me you will stay
Promise me you will stay
Will you love me...with my dark side?”
It’s as if a firework has gone off inside Sebastian’s mind and body. He wants to grab Blaine and kiss him hard until they’re both breathless and gasping for air. He wants to take Blaine down “like a domino” so badly...
Somehow Sebastian manages to contain his desire, simply responding with a smile that hopefully tells Blaine what he wants to say.
I promise you I will stay. And I love you. Every side of you.
The announcement of the winners is almost boring because everybody already knows that the Warblers were unbeatable. Afterwards, countless parents appear backstage to congratulate their sons.
That’s when Sebastian is suddenly met with an absolutely horrifying sight: His parents are talking to Blaine’s parents.
Martine and Pam look like they’re having the time of their lives, laughing together and talking to each other as if they’ve known each other for ages. And worse, Leonard seems to be having a conversation with Todd Anderson. The latter has put on a fake smile, surely only pretending to be interested in the things Leonard is telling him.
The scene playing out in front of Sebastian’s eyes couldn’t be more nightmarish. The first problem is obviously Mr. Anderson. He hates Sebastian, and an encounter between him and the Smythes can only end in disaster. The other problem is...Sebastian hasn’t informed Martine and Leonard that he officially has a boyfriend now, but there’s no doubt that Blaine has already told his parents, or at least his mother.
Sebastian wants to spin around on his heel and run away, but Blaine is already approaching their parents, obviously stoked to see them together. Feeling something close to stage fright after all, Sebastian reluctantly follows Blaine and is greeted with a hug from Pam and Martine, and the usual pat on the shoulder from Leonard. But Sebastian doesn’t even pay attention to his parents because he can’t tear his gaze away from Blaine and his father.
To Sebastian’s utter surprise, Todd greets his son with a kiss to the forehead. Startled, Sebastian can’t even keep his mouth closed. The fact that Todd Anderson shows so much affection towards Blaine is downright shocking. Sebastian can’t even remember if Leonard has ever kissed him - and they have a better father-son relationship than Sebastian is willing to admit. Leonard simply isn’t the kind of father who kisses his son, and Sebastian would’ve bet his ass that Mr. Anderson - of all fathers - isn’t that kind of dad either.
But on top of it all, Mr. Anderson pulls Blaine into an embrace, patting his back with unmistakable pride. Sebastian isn’t sure if he can believe his eyes. In his mind, Mr. Anderson hates gays, including his own son. But this doesn’t look like hatred at all. Blaine also seems surprisingly happy to see his (horrible, loathsome, homophobic) dad. Sebastian doesn’t quite understand what’s going on.
“Sebastian, honey! It’s so delightful to see you again and finally getting to know your parents,” Pam suddenly addresses him. “I mean, we’re basically all family now, aren’t we?”
“Mom...hold your horses, please,” Blaine murmurs with an embarrassed smile, before turning towards Sebastian’s parents. “Mr. and Mrs. Smythe...I’m very pleased to meet you,” he says politely, holding out his hand, but Martine immediately pulls him into a heartfelt embrace.
Showing that much affection for a boy she’s only just met seems completely out of character for Martine. But that’s hardly surprising considering that Sebastian is already questioning whether the entire scene is even happening in real life anyways, or if he’s actually trapped in a nightmare.
“I’ve heard so much about you,” Martine tells Blaine, briefly shooting Sebastian a devious look.
Of course she’s pissed that she had to learn about her son’s new relationship status from someone else. It’s obvious that payback’s coming, and Sebastian wishes he could simply dissolve into thin air. Or sink through the floor...whichever is the fastest route to remove him from this weird alternate reality.
“You know, it’s not easy to win my son’s heart, but Sebastian couldn’t shut up about you,” Martine gushes. “And now I know why. You really are quite the performer. It’s rare to see so much star appeal at a high school event.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Smythe,” Blaine mumbles with a slightly embarrassed chuckle, visibly flattered.
“Oh, please call me Martine. I’ve been dying to meet you ever since Sebastian told me you’re finally his boyfriend.”
After punishing his mother with a lingering death glare, Sebastian’s attention drifts back to Mr. Anderson. He’s still keeping a straight face, simply smiling politely as if meeting Sebastian and his family was actually pleasant. He must’ve acquired some serious skills in deception at a school for diplomats, but Sebastian can still sense the hatred in that man’s heart. The spite glimmering in his eyes gives it away.
“How about we all get dinner together?” Pam suggests. She seems so excited that Sebastian is worried she might burst with joy.
It’s literally dizzying. Dinner...with his parents...and Blaine’s parents. It’s definitely a living nightmare.
At least Blaine is still there, so it can’t really be such a bad dream. He’s moved up very close to Sebastian so that their fingers casually touch every now and then. He seems to be aware that Sebastian is close to a nervous breakdown.
“Mom...I think the guys wanna celebrate too, though,” Blaine intervenes cautiously. “The Warblers always have a party at Dalton after a victory. I’d really love to be there, especially considering we’ll be leaving Dalton soon.” He finally takes Sebastian’s hand into his, pressing it gently, and Sebastian couldn’t be more thankful.
“Well, then we’ll have dinner without you,” Leonard says casually, shrugging his shoulders.
At that moment, Sebastian really wants to kill his father. The thought of his parents chatting with the Andersons about Blaine and him over dinner is excruciating. He can already picture them talking about how their sons hopefully think of STDs and use condoms... All of a sudden, Sebastian feels like he’s about to throw up. He takes a deep breath, trying to calm down as the air fills his lungs.
Man up, dude. Since when do you give a crap about parents anyways?
“That’s a great idea, Leonard. But I’d like to talk to the boys too,” Mr. Anderson suddenly chimes in, a peculiar smile playing on his lips. “Listen Blaine, Pam and I have some business to take care of in Columbus tomorrow. We’ll pick you boys up for lunch at noon. No excuses accepted.”
Startled, Sebastian’s gaze meets Mr. Anderson’s, and it feels like two tanks running head-on into each other. It’s a collision of pure hatred.
“Thank you for the invitation, Mr. Anderson,” Sebastian replies, playing tough. No, he’s not scared of that man. He simply refuses to be.
But the truth is, he’d rather play Russian roulette with some bloodthirsty mobster than sit at a table with Todd Anderson.
As always, Dalton staff (including the Principal) turn a blind eye to the Warblers’ victory celebration. They never seem to care that half the school shows up in the senior commons to party until late, and that there’s always alcohol involved. After all, tradition is the most important thing at Dalton, even traditions that aren’t exactly in line with school regulations.
Everybody has changed into their Dalton hoodies, and the dancing and chatting crowd looks like a sea of blue. To Hunter’s chagrin, Blaine is the center of attention because most guys agree that he made the difference in the competition - just like he’d done before leaving Dalton. He’s constantly in the company of several Warblers and other students, and the red Solo cup in his hand is never empty.
While Sebastian hangs out with Nick, Jeff, and Thad, his eyes keep wandering back to his boyfriend. He doesn’t exactly love sharing Blaine with all those people, but he knows that Blaine deserves this moment of fame.
After what feels like several hours, Blaine finally excuses himself to the group he’s been talking to and comes dancing up to Sebastian. He looks so incredibly happy...and drunk.
“Hey tiger,” Blaine purrs, throwing his arms around Sebastian and pulling him into a dance. “I missed this so much! The Warblers’ parties are the best!”
“I know,” Sebastian grins. “And they’re so much better now that you’re back.”
Completely out of the blue, Blaine suddenly drags Sebastian to the only leather couch that’s currently unoccupied, pushing him down onto it and climbing on top of him. The next thing Sebastian knows, Blaine’s mouth is pressed to his and Blaine’s tongue is inside his mouth.
They’ve never made out in public before, but Blaine doesn’t seem to have any inhibitions, so why should Sebastian? He actually wants the whole world to know that Dalton’s golden boy is into him, and only him.
Their searing kiss quickly draws attention, and from somewhere Sebastian hears Hunter slurring, “Get a room, for fuck’s sake!”
Although Sebastian doesn’t give a damn about Hunter’s barbed remarks, he knows it’s probably better to accompany Blaine back to the dorms, especially because Sebastian is already pretty wasted as well.
“Hey babe, let’s take this to your room, okay?” Sebastian whispers into Blaine’s ear and helps him get up from the couch.
Arms wrapped around each other, occasionally kissing and giggling, Blaine and Sebastian stagger back to the dorms. When they reach Blaine’s room, Sebastian kicks the door shut behind them, and they both fall onto his bed.
Stunned by the sudden silence, they just lie facing each other for a moment, smiling serenely. Blaine looks so...in love. It still amazes Sebastian how someone like Blaine could really love him.
“Your eyes are really alluring,” Blaine observes with a voice as smooth as velvet.
His words make Sebastian’s heart jump in his chest. He’s not used to compliments. “Nobody has ever told me that.”
“But they are. Everything about you is gorgeous,” Blaine adds with a loving expression.
His breath smells a lot like alcohol, but there’s an undeniable sincerity in his voice. It’s kind of shocking, but he really seems to mean it. Sebastian suddenly feels incredibly hot, and his emotions threaten to overwhelm him.
Stop it, Blaine, stop.
But it’s too late. Something wants to pour out of Sebastian. As much as he loves the buzz the alcohol gives him, he absolutely loathes how honest it makes him.
“Fuck Blaine...I love you so much. It’s kinda scary,” Sebastian whispers against his will.
Blaine is still smiling, but his forehead is wrinkled in confusion. “Why is that scary? I think it’s really beautiful.”
“‘Cause...it’s like...you own me. Babe, you really own me. All of me. My heart, my mind...my dick, my balls...all of that is in your possession and you can do whatever pleases you with it,” Sebastian rambles in a low voice, not really sure if his words are making any sense. He doesn’t know how to describe it more eloquently.
“Okay, thanks,” Blaine replies, visibly amused now. “That’s pretty awesome because I love all of those parts of you. And I’ll take good care of them, I promise. Especially your balls.”
Sebastian releases a chuckle that sounds like a snort, but then he tries to be serious again. “But babe, it’s still scary ‘cause...you could crush me so easily. My balls...my heart...I think you could kill me just like...just like that,” he continues his sad attempt at verbalizing his most clandestine feelings, trying to snap his fingers - which doesn’t really work out so well because he can no longer coordinate his limbs due to his intoxicated state.
Blaine - that marvelous, almighty, divine creature - simply smiles his beatific, all-knowing smile. There’s no way he’s just a mortal human being.
“You know very well that I would never do that,” Blaine assures him, gently running his fingers through Sebastian’s hair.
Right now at this very moment, love doesn’t even feel scary at all. It feels like home.
“Okay...I trust you,” Sebastian whispers. “But maybe your dad will.”
“My dad?” Blaine chuckles softly. “He’s not gonna kill you either.”
“How can you be so sure? He definitely wants to...or at least sue my ass. He must’ve been so pissed upon learning that I’m your boyfriend. I really wonder how you put up with him.”
Blaine emits a wistful sigh. “He’s not a bad person. You know, my Filipino grandparents are hardcore Catholics. He was raised with certain...beliefs. I’ve learned to ignore that part of him.”
“Religion’s no excuse. My mom is Catholic too. Well, at least she used to be...it’s not like she’s ever been really religious. Anyways, if I understand anything about Catholicism, it’s supposedly all about love, but it’s such a hypocrisy! Religious people can be the most hateful, intolerant shits.”
“I don’t think you can generalize that...and I don’t think my dad’s hateful. He’s just...” Blaine averts his eyes and his smile fades. “It got a lot worse after the attack at my old school. My mom thinks he’s just really worried that something like that might happen again. He wants me to be safe.”
“By dating girls?” Sebastian instantly feels completely sober. The outrage about Mr. Anderson has suddenly sharpened his senses again. “That’s just fucked up! It’s not your fault that the world sucks! But if it’s true what you’re saying, I really get why he doesn’t want me to be around you...”
“What do you mean?”
“I hurt you really badly. He’s never gonna forgive me for that. And I’m with him on that,” Sebastian reminds Blaine with a penitent frown.
“It was an accident,” Blaine whispers with a forgiving smile. “Although I still...” He pauses, looking straight into Sebastian’s eyes. Something about the Slushie incident is obviously still weighing on him, but he doesn’t seem to know how to address it. “I know you probably don’t feel like talking about this, and I really don’t want to talk about it ever again either. But to be honest, I’d still like to understand...why did you want to hurt Kurt? I mean, you barely knew him.”
Sebastian opens his mouth, but initially he can only gasp for air, completely bewildered by the turn their conversation has suddenly taken. It takes him a few seconds to regain control of his voice.
“I didn’t wanna...goddammit! Okay, I did wanna hurt him! But not physically! I wanted to ruin his silly outfit, and I thought rock salt stains would do the job. But I obviously didn’t think it through. I aimed at his chest, but then of course you had to act like the hero you are and...fuck!”
Blaine’s amber eyes are still locked with Sebastian’s. He doesn’t look mad or hurt, only confused. “But why did you hate him so much?”
Can you really not tell, Blaine? Really?
“Because...because...ugh. I didn’t admit it to myself back then, but I was already in love with you, and I couldn’t stand the fact that he was your boyfriend. He was never good enough for you, and I was...” Sebastian took a deep breath before saying out loud what had tortured him for such a long time. “I was really jealous of him. And he didn’t miss a chance to provoke me.”
“He provoked you?”
“Yeah. Whenever you weren’t around, he tried to piss me off! Well...I tried to piss him off too, to be honest. Because I was fucking jealous of him, and he acted like such an entitled asshole.”
A sad smile crosses Blaine’s face. “I didn’t know that he acted that way towards you, but it doesn’t surprise me either. He was jealous of you, too.”
“Jealous of me? Why?”
“Because...he constantly suspected something was going on between us.” Blaine’s smile looks no longer sad but rather coy. “I think he could tell that I was into you.”
Sebastian finally senses an opportunity to change the subject again. They shouldn’t be talking about Hummel now. It’s their night.
He cocks his head and smirks at Blaine teasingly. Feigning ignorance, he asks, “Oh, you were already into me back then? Even though you had a boyfriend?”
Blaine breaks eye contact, pressing his lips together like he always does when he’s a little flustered. It’s cute as fuck. Sebastian lives for moments like these.
“I take that as a clear yes. So...did you also jerk off thinking of me?” Sebastian asks bluntly, his voice seductively lowering a complete octave as he slowly slips his hand underneath Blaine’s shirt and glides his fingers along his abs.
Blaine doesn’t reply for a long moment, but a cryptic smile is hovering over his lips. He’s obviously down for this game of teasing.
“Uhm...yes.”
“Fuck, I knew it!” Sebastian blurts out victoriously, swiftly pulling his hand out from underneath Blaine’s shirt to pump his fist in the air. “Wow, babe...you’re so naughty! Unbelievable!”
Blaine’s cheeks have turned a little rosier than the alcohol had already made them. “I knew you’d get a kick out of that.”
“Do you have any more dirty confessions to make? I’m loving this.”
Thankfully, Sebastian’s enthusiasm seems to spur on Blaine’s confidence and sass again. His golden eyes sparkle mischievously when he reveals another breathtaking secret.
“You surely remember that morning when we both took a shower in the bathroom after I’d just returned to Dalton.”
“Uhhh...yeah.” How could Sebastian ever forget? It had been one of the most arousing and agonizing moments in his entire life.
Blaine tortures Sebastian with a naughty smile and another long pause, before he whispers, “I jerked off in the shower stall next to you.”
Sebastian is so dumbstruck by this confession that he momentarily fears he might have lost the power of speech entirely this time.
“God, Blaine...and I thought...I thought...I fucking knew it! I did the exact same thing!” he finally blurts out.
“I know...” Blaine purrs, and Sebastian’s entire body suddenly feels electrified and flooded with an almost unbearable desire for this naughty devil.
“How the hell can you get away with being so damn sneaky?” Sebastian marvels, incredulously shaking his head. “Holy shit...I freakin’ love you. If your dad doesn’t murder me tomorrow, can we jerk off in the shower together sometime?”
“Absolutely.”
Although Blaine’s confessions are a turn-on beyond comparison, Sebastian decides to ignore his urges for once. It’s very, very late, and they can’t be completely tired and hung-over when Blaine’s parents pick them up in less than nine hours. So Sebastian settles for a long, deep kiss, and only minutes later Blaine falls asleep in his arms. It’s the perfect ending to this victorious day.
As Sebastian drifts off into sleep, he hopes the following day will be just as successful...although it’s actually really unlikely. He’s a true fighter, but the battle to win over Blaine’s dad might turn out to be his Waterloo.
The Andersons’ black Bentley pulls into the Dalton parking lot at exactly noon. It’s Sunday and after drinking so much the night before, Sebastian would’ve loved to sleep in until the early evening. But here he is, walking up to the strangely intimidating car next to Blaine. As if he hadn’t had a drop of alcohol the previous night, Blaine is in high spirits, obviously looking forward to their lunch at the Andersons’ favorite Filipino restaurant in Columbus.
Meanwhile, Sebastian is horrified. He has the eerie feeling that either Mr. Anderson or him might end up with a knife in their respective backs. He knows that he won’t be able to avoid Mr. Anderson forever if he wants to be with Blaine. But why today?
Thankfully, Pam and Blaine engage in a conversation about Regionals and the Warblers’ party during the car ride, so Sebastian can keep his mouth shut and suffer under his headache and anxiety in peace. Every now and then, his gaze wanders to the rear view mirror, but Mr. Anderson keeps his eyes fixed firmly on the road.
At the restaurant, Sebastian sits next to Blaine and opposite Pam - as far away from Mr. Anderson as possible. Apparently the entire staff at the place know the family, and it seems like all the drinks are on the house.
After toasting the Warblers’ victory, Pam starts to fidget in her chair, grinning brightly. Finally she announces, “Blaine, honey...I have big news to share.”
Blaine’s beautiful, owlish eyes go wide with excitement. “Oookay...what news?”
Pam certainly knows how to fuel curiosity. She simply grins silently for a moment, displaying her flawless white teeth. “At the New Year’s Eve party in D.C., Todd and I met a producer I used to work with. We had a delightful talk, and after a while he offered me a job as news host at a network in Columbus - just like that, out of the blue. First I thought it was just a silly idea, and that he hadn’t really been serious about it. After all, the champagne at that venue was outstanding...and plentiful. But he called me two weeks ago and...it’s happening, Blaine. Your momma will be back on TV soon!”
“Wow,” Blaine gasps, looking absolutely amazed. “That’s so awesome, mom! I’m really happy for you!”
“At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be back on TV, but you know, I had to admit to myself that I really miss it. People don’t even recognize me at the grocery store anymore...that kind of bugs me. Anyway, of course it also means that I’ll be here more often and can pay you boys the occasional visit in Westerville.”
“That’s amazing!” Blaine gushes, patting his mother’s hands across the table.
“I’ll be sure to tune in when you’re on the air,” Sebastian promises with a grin.
He notices that Mr. Anderson is softly stroking his wife’s back, wearing an unfamiliarly fond and proud smile on his face. It’s weird to see how close the three Andersons are (despite Todd Anderson’s undoubtedly rotten character). Sebastian’s parents accept their son the way he is and generally support him in everything he does, but he still feels that he’s not as close with them as Blaine is with his parents. Maybe...well, maybe it’s Sebastian’s fault because closeness isn’t his thing. Or rather wasn’t, before meeting Blaine.
Since Blaine has started to bombard Pam with questions, Sebastian thinks it might be a good time to go and relieve his bladder. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be right back,” he announces and leaves in search of the toilet.
After taking a leak, Sebastian has barely zipped up his pants when Todd Anderson is suddenly standing at the urinal next to him, staring at him tauntingly, eyes narrowed and hands buried in the pockets of his pants.
“I told you to stay away from him!” Todd Anderson spits aggressively. He looks like he might leap at Sebastian and strangle him any second. “Did you think I was joking?”
“No,” Sebastian responds in a cold yet controlled voice. The attack barely surprises him. He’d figured a situation like this might arise - even though he would’ve preferred a different location. “I know you were being serious, but I was also serious when I said that I love Blaine.”
“That’s what you might be thinking, boy, but you have no idea what love is!” Mr. Anderson’s dark eyes glisten with fury. “And neither does Blaine. It’s not love, it’s some kind of addiction, and apparently he’s relapsed again. You know exactly what it does to him! He’s basically obsessed with you...emotionally completely dependent on you. It’s happened before with that clown, and he ended up so broken that I thought I’d have to send him off to some kind of rehab!”
Mr. Anderson is so riled up that he’s gasping for air despite his apparent excellent physical condition. For a moment, his voice turns less harsh and almost breaks when he continues his rant.
“Blaine is...he’s...he’s so sensitive and vulnerable and...I don’t trust you!” he barks sharply again. “You’re the last person I want him to be with because you’ve proven you’re a sadistic little prick! Obviously hurting people is your idea of fun. You’ve hurt Blaine physically before, but we both know that emotional wounds are a million times worse for him than almost getting blinded by a Slushie. I’m not gonna let you tear him apart, you vicious...”
“I’m not gonna hurt him!” Sebastian cuts him off.
Finally awakened from his state of paralysis, Sebastian swiftly steps away from Mr. Anderson towards the sink to wash his hands. He needs to increase the physical distance between them because he’s getting all too tempted to punch the man in the face.
“In contrast to you, I wanna make Blaine happy!” Sebastian yells with an air of desperation. “How can you even seriously claim that you want the best for Blaine while not accepting him the way he is? Blaine has such a big heart; he seems to have forgiven you for everything, but I could never do that! If Blaine ever needs therapy, it will be because of you - because you make him feel like he’s not the way you want him to be! He wants to please you so badly, but it’s literally impossible because what you consider good for him would make him feel miserable for the rest of his life!”
Mr. Anderson glares at Sebastian with utter spite. “How dare you claim that I don’t want the best for my only son? You have no idea what it’s like to...to almost lose him! Those monsters at his old school almost...they almost killed Blaine!”
A chill creeps down Sebastian’s spine at hearing those horrifying words. To his astonishment, angry tears are welling up in Mr. Anderson’s eyes, but he immediately wipes them away with a swift, rugged gesture.
“And all that after his useless, idiot half-brother had bullied him during his entire childhood!” Mr. Anderson hisses. “There have been so many toxic people in his life already. Even a strong person could hardly bear the things Blaine’s had to go through, and Blaine is just...he’s just a boy!”
All of a sudden, Sebastian understands. He finally understands that Mr. Anderson’s worries are sincere. Apparently he really cares about Blaine, and Sebastian can’t help but feel touched despite his aversion to the man. But Mr. Anderson has it all wrong. So completely wrong.
“Do you even know your son at all? Do you honestly think Blaine’s weak? I understand that you want to protect him after everything he’s been through, but you’re being overly protective. Going through all that trouble has made Blaine strong...strong and really fucking courageous! And even though I have no doubt he could defend himself in any situation, I’ll always be there for him. Always!” Sebastian pauses so his words can sink in. He draws a few deep breaths to calm himself, eventually emitting a brief laugh. “And you know what? Blaine’s really not ‘just a boy’ anymore. You should see him play soccer...he can be a beast on the pitch.”
Todd Anderson has been listening with a stony expression, but he finally releases a small chuckle, his gaze softening slightly. “What can I say...I’d actually love to see him play.”
There’s something in him; something like actual love for his son. Sebastian knows he has to comprehend and accept that. Just like Todd Anderson has to understand that Sebastian isn’t a threat to Blaine but rather the opposite. Maybe it’s time for a truce.
“Mr. Anderson,” Sebastian says as calmly as he can. He really doesn’t want to talk about the Slushie incident yet again after last night, but he’s pretty sure he has to address it now. “I really don’t know what to do in order to convince you, but I promise I never intended to hurt Blaine. I wanted to piss Hummel off by ruining his clothes because, just like you, I thought he was bad for Blaine. And I was jealous because I already liked Blaine back then - a lot, actually. I accidentally hurt him instead, and I’ll never forgive myself for it. But you know what? If you continue to treat me with this hostility, you’ll only end up hurting Blaine instead of me, too.”
The expression on Mr. Anderson’s face is no longer hateful but attentive. He looks like he’s finally willing to understand what Sebastian is saying...so Sebastian can’t stop talking now.
“I know you wish I was a girl, but doesn’t your church teach people that love is the most important thing? Why do you think love between two men or two women is any different?”
“I know it’s not different,” Mr. Anderson retorts, suddenly sounding almost upset. “You really think I’m some right-wing nutjob, don’t you?”
“You said you wished that Blaine would end up with a girl. That makes you pretty homophobic.”
Mr. Anderson closes his eyes, shaking his head in disagreement. “I always wanted Blaine to be happy...to have a fulfilling life without any hardships. Of course he would be better off with a girl...especially in this environment. Ohio is such a fucked-up state,” he utters with a bitter chuckle. “I’m well aware that he’s gay; he’s always been and it’ll never change. If I’m honest with myself, I probably knew it well before he came out. My biggest regret is having dragged that kid away from D.C. because something like that awful attack surely wouldn’t have happened there.”
“Ha...that was actually the main argument my mom put forward when trying to convince my dad to stay in Paris, where I grew up. But you know what? Even there I got bullied. Do you think my life is any easier than Blaine’s? Definitely not, I’ve always had to fight too. But I’d rather fight than hide who I really am. And the same goes for Blaine. As his father, you should be fighting in his corner, instead of wishing he was different.”
“I’m already doing that!” Mr. Anderson defends himself. “Nobody wants things around here to change as badly as I do! Do you have any idea how much money I’ve been donating to LGBTQ organizations in the past years?”
Flabbergasted, Sebastian stares at Mr. Anderson with his mouth agape. “What? But I thought...”
“Yeah, I know what you thought. That I was still planning on signing Blaine up for conversion therapy. I may have considered that at a very dark moment in my life, but I’m not an idiot. Anyway, I don’t give a fuck what you think about me. Just to be clear, I ultimately want Blaine to find a boy who makes him happy too, but I still doubt you’re the right candidate,” Mr. Anderson hisses coldly. His voice sounds slightly warmer when he adds, “Although I have to admit that...you seem quite passionate about him.”
Sebastian runs his hands through his hair, trying to focus. This might be his one and only chance to convince Mr. Anderson that he’s serious about Blaine. He has a feeling that once they leave this bathroom, they’ll either be teammates or enemies forever. This could be the final showdown.
“Look...maybe you’re right,” Sebastian admits. “I definitely don’t know the first thing about love, and I’m absolutely sure that I’ll fuck up again one day because that’s just what I do. But I swear that my sole intention is making Blaine happy. It’s up to you whether or not you believe me.”
Mr. Anderson’s gaze drops to the floor, nodding apprehensively. After a long moment of silence, he lifts his head again to glance at Sebastian. Something in his eyes is different. They look more like Blaine’s now. Almost kind.
“Alright...I choose to believe you. For now. But I urge you to be careful with him. He may not be as fragile as I think he is, but I know you mean the world to him, and I couldn’t bear to see him heartbroken again.”
“I fully understand you’ll come after me if I ever accidentally hurt him again,” Sebastian says, daring to give Mr. Anderson a challenging grin. “And I’m aware you know where I live. Even worse, you know my parents now.”
“Exactly.”
Against all odds, there’s a conciliatory smile on Mr. Anderson’s face, and for the first time Sebastian realizes that Blaine and his father actually look a lot alike.
All of a sudden, Sebastian is hit with a realization. Just the previous night, he’d drunkenly confessed to Blaine that he’s scared of getting hurt because love has made him vulnerable. Mr. Anderson seems to have that exact same fear - for his son. He’s so worried that Blaine might get hurt again, but Blaine doesn’t seem scared of heartache at all, even though he’s had to endure so much of it. Blaine is really fucking courageous. Sebastian wishes he could be more like him.
Apparently Mr. Anderson didn’t just go to the bathroom to tear his son’s boyfriend to pieces, so Sebastian gives him some privacy. As he leaves the bathroom, he’s incredibly elated, just like the previous night. He feels like a winner all over again, and the great thing about this victory is that there isn’t even a loser. Mr. Anderson, Sebastian and Blaine - they’re all winners.
Back at the table, Mr. Anderson orders a bottle of Filipino wine, and even Blaine and Sebastian get to taste a little bit of it.
While the waiter pours the wine, Blaine silently observes his father and Sebastian, his skeptical gaze wandering back and forth between them. Eventually he comments, “You two were gone for quite a while. Is everything okay?”
“Everything is perfectly alright,” Todd Anderson affirms, holding his glass up in the air for a toast. As Mr. Anderson’s eyes meet Sebastian’s, his gaze is almost conspiratorial, and he nods, manifesting their truce. “To love - young and old!”
“That’s very cute, Mr. Anderson,” Sebastian smirks, clinking his glass against Mr. Anderson’s. “I figured Blaine inherited his emotional nature from you.”
For a brief moment, Mr. Anderson’s eyes narrow dangerously again. Sebastian’s heart is about to sink into his boots in fear that he might have overstepped. But then he gives Sebastian an appreciative nod, before taking a sip of his wine.
Mr. Anderson’s features finally melt into an intrigued smile. Very casually, as if they’d never exchanged a bitter word, he looks at him and says something Sebastian thought he’d never get to hear.
“Call me Todd.”
It’s funny how a three-word sentence can sometimes be more meaningful than an entire novel.
Chapter 12: Puppet Master
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
If Sebastian had to describe Blaine with a single word, it would be flawless. Ever since their first meeting, he’s thought of Blaine as the boy of his dreams - perfect, inside and out.
When they first became friends, Blaine lived in a different city and attended a different school. They mostly communicated via text messages and occasional phone calls. Blaine was physically out of reach and may as well have lived on the other side of the world or in a different universe altogether. And yet, he always seemed so close back then. He was constantly on Sebastian’s mind in the form of a perfect mental image. An ideal creation of Sebastian’s imagination. Absolutely flawless.
Luckily, things have changed.
Now that they’re boyfriends, Blaine has been shattering the idealized version of him in Sebastian’s mind a little more each day. It turns out the real Blaine Anderson is not as flawless as Sebastian had imagined him to be.
The real Blaine can be a real bitch when things don’t go his way. Whenever they disagree about something, Blaine bombards him with so many ludicrous arguments that Sebastian eventually surrenders, knowing he can’t win anyway.
Whenever they watch a movie or TV show together, the real Blaine scatters chips and cookie crumbs in Sebastian’s bed without a thought of cleaning up after himself.
The real Blaine also uses too much hair gel, occasionally snores, and frequently steals Sebastian’s Dalton sweaters (even though they’re way too big for him and make him look like a dwarf wrapped in a tent), shamelessly claiming his own were in the laundry, although Sebastian knows they’re all neatly stacked in Blaine’s closet.
But despite all of that, the real Blaine is indefinitely better than the ideal Blaine in Sebastian’s imagination. Because he’s real, and although it may sound contradictory, his flaws make him all the more adorable. Sebastian loves all of him with every fiber of his being.
For the first time ever, everything seems to be going Sebastian’s way. He gets to spend every day - and almost every night - with the boy of his dreams. And although it had seemed impossible only a few weeks ago, he even made peace with that boy’s friends and father. He also just aced an essay in English, his least favorite class, after Blaine had explained to him what the Scarlet Letter really stands for.
Admittedly, Sebastian isn’t even looking forward to graduating from high school anymore. Now that Blaine is with him, he would happily stay at Dalton forever.
But of course, Sebastian’s lucky streak can’t go on forever. After all, this is real life and real life really sucks sometimes...
“What the fuck, coach?! Seriously?”
Sebastian isn’t quite sure if his brain has interpreted Mr. Foster’s words correctly. What he’s just heard simply can’t be true. His knees are suddenly wobbly, and he feels as if the grassy ground beneath his feet had just been replaced with a bottomless pit.
“Watch your language, Sebastian, or I’ll have to report you to the Principal. Look, I don’t even get why you’re surprised because you made it very clear that you don’t care about the team anymore. We need players with commitment.”
Commitment?
Sebastian has never been as committed as he is now. He’s agreed to be somebody’s boyfriend after all, which had seemed completely unthinkable until very recently. If that’s not commitment, what is?
Mr. Foster regards him with an unwavering sternness, but there’s also a trace of pity in his eyes that isn’t lost on Sebastian. It’s equally humiliating and infuriating.
“You skipped practice one too many times, boy. There’s no way I can let that slip. Sorry.”
You can shove that sorry up your ass, coach! Fuck this!
Sebastian miraculously manages to keep those words to himself despite the searing rage suddenly clouding his mind. So he got kicked off the lacrosse team. Another shattering low after his life had just seemed perfect for the very first time.
As he stomps back to the locker room, he’s fuming like a locomotive. After slamming the door shut behind him, he hurls his lacrosse stick and helmet to the floor, completely disregarding that his parents must have paid a fortune for his gear.
This is so unfair. Granted, he missed a few training sessions to watch the soccer team’s practice instead...not only because Blaine looks incredibly mouth-watering in his soccer kit. Sebastian also wanted to show his support to his boyfriend and be there for him. Never had it crossed his mind that his actions might have negative consequences.
So what now? Sebastian has nowhere to go...except soccer practice. Watching Blaine play again is undoubtedly the best use of his time, but after that verbal slap in the face from Coach Foster, he can’t even really look forward to seeing Blaine in his figure-flattering shorts. Feeling incredibly humiliated, he still decides to drag himself to the soccer pitch.
As soon as Blaine spots Sebastian with his gloomy expression at the sidelines of the soccer field, he immediately comes jogging up to him, simply ignoring the exercise he’s supposed to be doing with his teammates.
“Hey!” Blaine greets him with a happy smile, but his large honey-colored eyes give away his confusion or even worry. “What’s goin’ on? No lacrosse practice today?”
Sebastian keeps his gaze lowered, fixed on Blaine’s red soccer shoes. He doesn’t want to tell Blaine what just happened because it’s so damn embarrassing. But he knows he can’t keep it from him anyway.
“I got the boot,” Sebastian mumbles without looking up at Blaine. “Missed too many training sessions...”
“Oh, Bas! I told you that would hap-...ugh, sorry,” Blaine sighs with a compassionate frown. “That really sucks.”
“Yeah, I know. Whatever. I don’t even give a shit,” Sebastian grumbles stubbornly, finally lifting his head and mustering up a defiant smirk.
He does give a shit. But he doesn’t want Blaine to know that his pride has been wounded quite a bit. Also, Blaine is the kind of guy who tends to feel guilty for things he’s not even responsible for, and Sebastian doesn’t want to give him any wrong ideas. This mess is definitely Sebastian’s own fault.
“Lacrosse hasn’t been the same ever since I stepped down as the team’s captain anyway,” Sebastian says with a forced grin. “And it’s kinda cool that I can watch you play every week now.”
Blaine still looks concerned. He’s clearly not buying Sebastian’s feigned indifference. But after a brief moment of serious contemplation, an unexpected smile tugs at the corners of his mouth.
“You can join our team now!” Blaine suddenly bursts out with unbridled excitement.
Baffled, Sebastian emits a comical giggle, skeptically raising one eyebrow. “What?”
“We have a game coming up in three weeks, and it would be great to have another player. We’re just twelve guys right now, and eleven have to be on the field, so we’re in desperate need of substitutes. And...I’d love to finally see you play too. It kinda sucked that I could never watch your lacrosse practice.”
Sebastian is completely overwhelmed by the spontaneous proposal, but it seems impossible to reject as long as Blaine is looking at him with so much hope glimmering in his gorgeous eyes.
“Uff, I...I don’t know,” Sebastian stammers. “A soccer game in three week’s time? I haven’t played in forever and...”
“So you have played soccer before?”
A downright condescending chuckle escapes Sebastian’s lips. “Babe, I grew up in France. I played soccer as soon as I could stand on my feet. When I was a kid, I used to compete in tournaments every other weekend for years.”
Blaine’s triangle eyebrows lift in surprise. “Why didn’t you join Dalton’s soccer team earlier then?”
Sebastian shrugs his shoulders. “When we moved here, I wanted to...uhm...feel more American. So I chose lacrosse.”
All of a sudden, the sharp sound of a whistle pierces the air. “Blaine! What the hell are you doing?” the soccer coach yells from the other side of the pitch.
Blaine swiftly whirls around to apologize. “Sorry, Coach! I’m recruiting a new player!” Turning back to Sebastian and briefly looking him up and down with a wide grin on his face, he adds, “Good thing you’re already wearing the right outfit. Come on!”
Sebastian still doesn’t share the enthusiasm, but Blaine leaves him no choice. Without waiting for a sign of consent, he takes Sebastian’s hand and drags him across the soccer field to join the other players.
Initially, Sebastian is pretty annoyed with Blaine for putting him on the spot and coercing him to join the soccer team without granting him any time to think about it. But it doesn’t take long until his doubts and negative feelings disappear into thin air. After half an hour of running across the pitch and kicking the ball back and forth, Sebastian is actually having fun - not only because Blaine keeps rewarding him with his most disarming flirtatious smile.
When Sebastian is bathed in sweat and high on endorphins at the end of the training session, he has to admit that he just enjoyed himself more than he had in two entire years of playing lacrosse. Apparently, he can’t deny his European roots after all.
While exchanging high-fives with the other players on the way to the locker room, Sebastian also realizes that he prefers his new teammates. The guys in the soccer team, like Nick and Jeff, are cooler and more down-to-earth than the snobs in the lacrosse team, which mainly attracts overly competitive, selfish dudes like Hunter (and Sebastian’s former self) due to its prestige and long tradition.
As Sebastian strips off his sweat-soaked shirt in the locker room, he notices his boyfriend’s eyes on him. Blaine is grinning from ear to ear.
“It’s so awesome that we get to do this together now,” Blaine says, slowly walking up to him and continuing in a whisper. “Now I get why you wanted to watch me play all the time. You looked so damn hot out there...I really feel like...” He places his hands on Sebastian’s hips and presses an alluring kiss to that sweet spot right below his ear. “Do you wanna take a shower together?”
Unexpectedly flattered and amused, Sebastian breaks into a hearty chuckle. Suddenly, he’s even glad he got kicked off the lacrosse team. Being on Blaine’s team is so much better.
Maybe Sebastian’s lucky streak isn’t over after all.
Even though the end of Sebastian’s lacrosse career turned out to be much less dramatic than expected, there are still two things that keep disturbing his peace of mind. Two issues that bother him a bit...or maybe even a lot. Actually, those things have recently evolved into two full-blown problems.
Much to Sebastian’s delight, Blaine’s demeanor during the Warblers’ meetings has become increasingly cocky. Whenever Blaine enters the show choir’s common room, he starts to act like he owns the place. The other guys seem completely comfortable with that - except for one particular Warbler, who never grows tired of reminding everyone that he’s the captain.
Problem #1: Hunter Clarington
At the end of March, the Warblers still haven’t decided on a setlist for Nationals, a topic that’s been causing heated discussions among the group. During a particularly long and draining Monday afternoon meeting, Nick shares a new idea he’s recently come up with.
“Many of us are seniors, and this year’s Nationals will be our last competition. Let’s go out with a bang!” Nick says enthusiastically, beaming with excitement. “Our setlist has to be killer! You know, now that Blaine’s back, I’ve been thinking a lot about the songs we used to practice but never performed at competitions. My personal favorite was Somewhere Only We Know by Keane.” Nick’s eyes jump back and forth between Blaine, Jeff, Trent, Thad, and Beatbox. “Remember, guys? It would be absolutely perfect for Nationals!”
Sebastian’s gaze has been resting on Blaine for a while, and he’s surprised to see his boyfriend’s face suddenly falter. Blaine looks clearly uncomfortable.
“Uff, I don’t know about that,” Blaine mumbles, visibly opposed to Nick’s suggestion. “I don’t even remember the lyrics anymore...”
Hunter is standing in the corner of the room with crossed arms, seemingly unimpressed. “Show us rookies what we missed,” he commands in a sarcastic yet bossy tone. “Everyone who knows what the hell Duval is talking about, go ahead!”
Blaine continues to protest, but Nick, Jeff, Trent, Beatbox, and Thad have already gathered around him, ready to support him with backing vocals and beats. The other Warblers, including Sebastian, walk over to Hunter to make room for the performance. Although Blaine still looks like he’s being forced to eat a bucket full of dirt, he starts to sing.
After the first few lines, Sebastian already feels intense chills running down his spine. Blaine’s rendition of the song evokes a myriad of emotions within him. It’s stunningly beautiful, but also melancholic and incredibly moving.
“This could be the end of everything...”
As Blaine sings these words, Sebastian’s eyes suddenly moisten. Trying to hide his emotions, he swiftly wipes his face with the sleeve of his blazer. The sadness in Blaine’s voice has an unexpectedly powerful effect on him. It almost feels like it could tear his heart into pieces.
Meanwhile, Hunter has been following the performance with an unmoved, focused expression. “This is it,” he finally announces after the other Warblers’ applause has died down. “We’ll close the set with this song. There won’t be a dry eye left in the auditorium,” he adds with a mischievous cackle.
“What? No, we can’t do that. I’m really not feeling the song anymore,” Blaine objects with a flabbergasted and somewhat desperate expression. “I’m...I’m simply too happy now to sing such a depressing song. I’d rather sing an upbeat solo. We could try Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now, for example. I’ve been practicing it on the piano...”
“What do you mean, you’re not feeling the song?” Sebastian asks, puzzled. He doesn’t get why Blaine is refusing to perform a song he can sing so well. But he’s also pretty psyched. Blaine has just told everyone he’s happy, and Sebastian is undoubtedly the reason for that. Giving Blaine an encouraging smile, he adds, “I think you get across all the right emotions.”
Blaine looks downright crestfallen. Shaking his head, he hesitantly explains, “It just reminds me of...ugh. We performed it as a farewell song for Kurt when he transferred back to McKinley. It makes me feel...it just doesn’t make me feel so good.”
Once again, Sebastian’s skin starts to crawl upon hearing that damn name. Blaine said he’s over that ridiculous imp. Why does that song trigger such negative emotions in him then? Sebastian can’t help but feel a sting of jealousy again.
“You know what? I wouldn’t even give a shit if you’d performed this song at your canary’s funeral,” Hunter mocks coldly. “It is gold, and it will be on the setlist for Nationals. This discussion is over.”
“I don’t wanna sing the song, and you know very well that my attitude towards it will compromise the performance!” Blaine retorts, angrily balling his fists.
“If you can’t control your girlish sentimentality and be professional about this, you won’t sing a solo at all,” Hunter threatens with a vicious smirk.
“Come on, guys...I’m sorry, that was a dumb idea,” Nick tries to intervene. “Let’s talk about some other songs. Don’t Stop Me Now is awesome too...”
“Nope,” Hunter insists, “We’ll perform the Keane song, and if Blaine doesn’t wanna sing it, Sebastian will.”
Completely taken aback by this unexpected announcement, Sebastian immediately searches Blaine’s gaze, but Blaine’s eyes remain fixed on his adversary, his lips tightly pressed together. He looks like he wants to strangle Hunter, but he doesn’t make a move, somehow managing to keep his composure despite Hunter’s deliberate provocations.
Admittedly, Sebastian is pretty pissed because Blaine is apparently still so hung up on his ex, but the urge to protect his boyfriend is much stronger than his jealousy. Obviously, he won’t sing that song either if it evokes negative emotions in Blaine.
Sebastian desperately wants to talk with Blaine in private about that, but unfortunately, Hunter asks him to stay in the common room at the end of the meeting. As Blaine throws him a reproachful look, Sebastian just shrugs his shoulders in defense.
“What was that all about? Do you really think you can instigate a fight between Blaine and me?” Sebastian snaps in a sharp tone when he’s alone with the captain. Reminding himself that it’s best to keep his cool when arguing with Hunter, he tries to sound calm and confident when he clarifies, “That’s not gonna work.”
With an annoyed expression, Hunter drops into the maroon leather armchair by the fireplace, rubbing his forehead as if he’s having a headache. “Whatever. I gotta say, Sebastian, you’re definitely more tolerable now that you’re regularly gettin’ laid. But your little stallion is a real pain in the ass. I’m starting to regret my efforts to lure him back here.”
Sebastian chuckles mischievously. “Do you really want me to say it out loud? Told you so. Everybody did. Nick and Thad, everybody told you what it was like when Blaine was a member of the Warblers. Did you really expect he’d changed? We should all be glad that he hasn’t because the Warblers are finally as successful as they used to be.”
Hunter wrinkles his nose in disgust. “But he agreed to accept me as captain. It was a condition for joining us again, and yet he’s acting up now. Not exactly a man of his word.”
“Come on, he’s just passionate about the Warblers, and his ideas are great. You should trust him when he refuses to sing a song...although I have to agree that it sounded fucking amazing. Anyways, why are you telling me all of this? You should be talking to Blaine if you have a problem with him.”
“He needs to be put in his place, and I want you to arrange that.”
“What the fuck? I certainly won’t!” Sebastian blurts out in protest.
“If you don’t do it, I will, and that’ll be very ugly.”
Although Hunter’s threat is quite unsettling because he usually doesn’t joke about such things, Sebastian bursts into a brief, condescending laugh. “And how would that play out?”
“I don’t know yet. I could challenge Blaine to a fight. At a Fight Club meeting.”
“Blaine isn’t a member anymore.”
“I also got him to rejoin the Warblers, remember? He seems desperate to sign up for any shitty club he can during his last months of high school. Even for that squad of losers...oh wait, didn’t you just join the soccer team too after they kicked you off the lacrosse team? Very classy, Smythe.”
“Even if you got him to rejoin Fight Club, what would you even do to him?” Sebastian asks in a mocking yet aggressive tone, ignoring Hunter’s provocation. “‘Cause if you try to smash his face, I’ll...”
“You seem to be forgetting the second rule of Fight Club,” Hunter interrupts him, patronizingly wagging his right index finger. “Never target a body part that’s not covered by the school uniform. We don’t wanna get caught. No, I’d rather hit him where it really hurts.”
“If you so much as lay a finger on Blaine, I’ll end you!” Sebastian hisses, closing in on Hunter in his armchair. “You know, I feel sorry for you because you’re so threatened by Blaine’s talent and popularity. Luckily, you’ll only have to live in his shadow for two more months.”
Hunter emits a malicious cackle. “You should listen to yourself, Sebastian. Look at what you’ve become. You’re a mere shadow of yourself. Anderson’s lapdog. His bitch. You used to head several Dalton clubs, but now you’re nothing, just because of him. Even after you had to step down as captain, you still gave me the impression that you were the only other guy with real drive around here. But I feel like Blaine’s been sucking that out of you...quite literally.”
“Fuck you, Hunter!” Sebastian feels like his blood is dangerously close to the boiling point. “We had a good run, you and I, but your pointless envy of Blaine makes me hate your guts! I don’t know what they taught you at that stupid Military Academy, but I can guarantee you that fighting Blaine is a losing game! Don’t even try to start a war among the Warblers because everyone will be on Blaine’s side anyway!”
“I don’t want a war; I want respect !” Hunter clarifies, regarding Sebastian with a stern expression. “You all seem to forget that it was me who brought him back. Without me, Anderson would still be another background dancer at McKinley, and you’d still be jerking off alone with tears in your eyes every night, dreaming of your long-lost Prince Charming.” Hunter’s eyes suddenly mirror something that looks an awful lot like pain. “I may no longer be the lead singer around here, but I’m still the head strategist. I’m the brain. I don’t even ask anyone to be grateful for what I do, although you should be. But I do insist on getting what I deserve: R.E.S.P.E.C.T. I think you even know what that is, but Anderson definitely doesn’t. I hope one day you’ll realize that he’s nothing but a self-absorbed puppet master.”
Sebastian can no longer listen to Hunter’s rant. He’s had more than enough. Furiously shaking his head, he rushes out of the common room and down the hall.
There’s a terrible feeling in his gut. He’d already anticipated that Blaine and Hunter wouldn’t get along, but he’d simply hoped that the situation wouldn’t escalate during the few months they’d have to spend together before graduation. But Hunter’s pride is obviously more vulnerable than expected.
The worst thing is that Hunter’s last words sounded strangely accurate. Although the plan to steal the New Directions’ trophy was absolutely insane, Hunter deserves credit for Blaine’s return. And while it’s been amazing to see Blaine rediscover his self-confidence and vigor after transferring back to Dalton, it’s also true that he doesn’t seem to accept his subordinate role in the show choir, even though Hunter had indeed been very clear about it from the start. Actually, Blaine may even be a tad controlling...not only at Warblers’ meetings.
Sebastian is suddenly torn between conflicting feelings. Of course, Blaine has his unconditional support. But maybe he should talk to him and remind him that Hunter is indeed still the captain of the Warblers, and at the end of the day, his word is law.
When Sebastian enters Blaine’s room, he finds him sitting on his bed with a gloomy expression, arms and legs crossed defiantly. “Did he ask you to sing the song to him?” Blaine snaps angrily.
“No. And even if he’d done that...you know very well that I wouldn’t sing a song you don’t like,” Sebastian assures him in a serious tone, sitting down next to Blaine and resting one hand on his knee. “Although I honestly don’t understand why you don’t want to sing it. That may have been the best performance I’ve ever seen. Definitely the most moving.”
Blaine’s eyes briefly meet Sebastian’s before dropping down to his lap again. “I explained it to you. It reminds me of K-...of things I don’t want to be reminded of.”
“I thought you were over him,” Sebastian says in a frustrated tone, afraid his voice may have just given away how hurt he really is.
“I am!” Blaine confirms harshly, clearly offended by Sebastian’s words. “You know that! But I can’t deny that some memories still drag me down. Just like you probably still feel bad whenever you hear a certain song that happens to have that exact title.”
Ouch. Of course, Sebastian hates that song. He wishes he could simply erase Michael Jackson’s Bad from the world’s collective memory. Not because it’s a bad song, but because it was the prelude to the worst moment of Sebastian’s life. And even though they’ve both moved on and the incident doesn’t seem to matter anymore, the song still evokes horrible feelings in Sebastian.
“Okay, I get it,” Sebastian affirms in a low voice, mustering up a smile. “I wish you hadn’t wasted that song on Hummel, though. You make it sound like it was written for you.”
Blaine’s tense expression finally softens. Smiling back at Sebastian, he whispers a meek “thanks” and leans over for a brief, gentle kiss, before lying down on the bed. Tenderly tugging on Sebastian’s arm, Blaine invites him to do the same.
As they lie next to each other, locking eyes and holding hands, Sebastian is suddenly overcome with a feeling of guilt. He scolds himself for having felt jealous again. Blaine loves him; that’s absolutely clear.
And he also regrets agreeing with Hunter, even if he had only for a mere second. Blaine is not the disrespectful, self-important asshole Hunter sees in him for some strange reason. On the contrary, Blaine is sweet and forgiving. He’s the best.
That’s when Sebastian decides he won’t waste his time talking with Blaine about Hunter. There are way more important things to discuss than that guy’s megalomania.
Actually, there’s one subject in particular...if only Sebastian had the guts to bring it up.
It’s Friday afternoon and Sebastian is hanging out with Beatbox and Thad in the senior commons, when Blaine suddenly bursts into the room and interrupts their discussion with an unexpected announcement. His gorgeous hazel eyes are glowing with excitement.
“You won’t believe what Cooper just told me!”
“What did your bro tell you?” Sebastian asks curiously.
“He found us an amazing apartment in Santa Monica,” Blaine reveals with a radiating smile. “A friend of his is moving out, and he’s looking for a new tenant. I think we can actually afford it. It’s just five minutes from the beach!”
Sebastian freezes in utter shock. Blaine’s words hit him like a bullet, completely unprepared.
“Oh wow, Sebastian hasn’t mentioned that you guys are moving to L.A.,” Beatbox comments, sounding quite impressed. “That’s so dope!”
Sebastian’s thoughts are suddenly running haywire. Of course, he hasn’t mentioned it because...this is the first time he’s heard about that plan.
Problem #2: College
Truth be told, Sebastian has been avoiding a proper discussion about college because he associates the subject with quite a few insecurities and fears. What if they don’t end up in the same city? And even if they do, does Blaine want to move in together? Sebastian has secretly been daydreaming about sharing an apartment with Blaine, but since he doesn’t know if they’re on the same page about that, he just hasn’t been able to bring it up.
So now it’s finally clear what Blaine wants. He wants them to share an apartment too. Sebastian feels thrilled about that part of Blaine’s unexpected announcement, but there’s something dramatically wrong with the rest of it.
“Uuuhhh...” Sebastian mouths, still utterly overwhelmed. He simply can’t come up with an appropriate reply right now. “Uuuhhmm, can we talk about that later, B?” he grits out, unintentionally sounding somewhat annoyed.
“Sure,” Blaine agrees in a low voice, visibly disappointed by Sebastian’s reaction. His excitement has completely died down.
Sebastian is well aware that he’s just upset Blaine, and he feels horrible about it. But...he’s simply confused and disheartened, too.
The thing is, Sebastian has a plan. He’s had it for a while. And for the longest time, he’d been under the impression that Blaine’s plan was more or less the same.
It’s simple: Sebastian wants to move to New York City. He’s always felt drawn to the seemingly endless labyrinth of skyscrapers. According to his passport, he is a New Yorker, but although he was born there, he’s never really experienced the city because his family moved to Paris before he’d even learned to walk. It’s time to finally return to New York and uncover all of its secrets.
Uncovering secrets is actually what Sebastian wants to do for a living. Of course, he’d also considered going to law school like his father at some point. But truth be told, he may not be the right guy to represent the law, considering that breaking it comes so much more naturally to him. Instead of following in his father’s footsteps, Sebastian wants to go his own way and become an investigative journalist. He has a strong interest in politics and needs a job that doesn’t get boring. That’s why journalism seems like a good fit.
Admittedly, loathing English at high school doesn’t seem to be the best prerequisite for that particular career goal, but in Sebastian’s opinion, English class is the opposite of journalism. He hates interpreting poems and novels, and he’ll never understand why people put so much effort into artificially hiding the true meaning of their words. Sebastian prefers facts over symbols. And facts are what investigating journalism is all about.
Sebastian has high aspirations. He wants to see his name on the front page of the New York Times. He wants to earn awards and accolades. Maybe he’ll even end up in television, like Pam Anderson, who has secretly become a true role model for him.
About one and a half years ago, Sebastian’s dream of living in New York even got so much better - because he met Blaine, who told him he wanted to study in NYC too. Blaine planned to study at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts and go to Broadway shows every weekend, hoping to eventually score some big roles for himself. When Hummel brought up NYADA a little later, it sounded like Blaine had adjusted his plan accordingly, but at least the city remained the same. Sebastian still thought they were headed in the same direction.
But now that graduation is coming closer, Blaine hasn’t mentioned New York in a while. Instead, he’s been talking about Michigan, Massachusetts, and California. Of course, Sebastian hasn’t only applied to universities in New York either. He applied to UCLA too, and they once even joked about living in the tiny storage room in Cooper Anderson’s studio apartment in Beverly Hills.
But they’ve never agreed on moving to Los Angeles.
Mumbling something about returning books to the library, Blaine leaves the common room as suddenly as he’d arrived. As Sebastian watches him leave, he realizes he’s feeling sick, as if his stomach had turned upside down. He knows he can no longer avoid the subject now. They need to talk.
It takes Sebastian a few more minutes until he’s gathered the courage to follow Blaine. Begrudgingly, he excuses himself, leaving Beatbox and Thad with puzzled looks on their faces.
Sebastian has a hunch that Blaine didn’t really go to the library, so he’s not surprised to find it deserted. Next, he checks Blaine’s room, but it’s empty too. As he briefly glances out the window, he spots Blaine walking towards the sports grounds at a rapid pace. He’s no longer wearing the school uniform, but a t-shirt and soccer shorts.
Without wasting another second, Sebastian leaves Blaine’s room, races down the spiral staircase and out of the back entrance. Luckily, Sebastian doesn’t have to go very far to find Blaine. After turning the corner behind the gym, he sees him again, running laps on the soccer pitch.
Sebastian slows down, already sweating in his school uniform. As he walks towards the center of the field, he follows Blaine with his gaze for a while.
“Hey, Blaine! Can we talk?” he eventually calls out.
Initially, Blaine simply ignores Sebastian, but after a while, he finally stops running and approaches him with determined steps, his chest rising and falling with frantic breaths.
“I really thought you had changed!” Blaine yells, his voice trembling with anger and disappointment. “But I should’ve known that you don’t want us to live together! That you’ll never be willing to give up your freedom for something as silly as a relationship!”
When Sebastian realizes that Blaine’s amber eyes are clouded with tears, his heart drops heavily into his stomach.
“Woah, calm down! I do wanna live with you!” Sebastian quickly clarifies, desperately hoping that Blaine will believe him. “I’m actually fucking stoked that you wanna share an apartment with me.”
Blaine stops short in front of Sebastian and gazes up at him with narrowed eyes. “Then why did you react like that? You looked as if I’d suggested tying you to the tracks in front of an oncoming freight train.”
“Because...” Sebastian stammers, trying hard to find the right words. He doesn’t want to upset Blaine any further, but he also needs to finally be honest about what he wants. “Because we haven’t had a proper discussion about college yet. What makes you think that I wanna move to L.A.? How can you simply assume that I wanna live there too? We haven’t even heard back from all of the colleges we applied to yet...and you’re already looking for apartments? Ugh, I mean...what the hell, Blaine?”
“We haven’t discussed it because you keep changing the subject whenever I bring it up!” Blaine snaps in a frustrated tone.
Feeling utterly helpless, Sebastian drops himself to the ground with a dramatic sigh, crossing his legs and weaving his fingers through the grass. “It’s a big deal, okay?”
Shaking his head in disbelief, Blaine simply stares into the distance for a long, silent moment. Eventually, he sits down next to Sebastian, fixing him with a reproachful look.
“So all of a sudden it’s a big deal? Whenever I told you about the applications I was working on, you acted like you didn’t care about college at all, simply shrugging your shoulders and playing it down. Like you didn’t give a fuck! But I, for my part, have been thinking about college a lot, and I have an actual plan. I told you I’ll audition at UCLA. And I really don’t get why you don’t wanna live in L.A. Everybody wants to live in California!”
After exhaling another sigh of despair, Sebastian closes his eyes to focus. “Look...I haven’t been so vocal about it lately, but I have a plan, too. We actually talked about it, remember? A little over a year ago, you told me you wanted to apply to Tisch, and I said that’s so cool because I want to study at NYU, too. Or maybe Columbia. You used to dream of living near Broadway. So I thought that’s the plan. Our plan. But recently, you’ve been scaring the shit out of me by telling me fun facts about basically every other city in the U.S. You clearly don’t wanna move to New York anymore, and that’s a fucking dilemma because I still do. I actually got accepted by Columbia last week, but I haven’t even felt like telling you because...apparently, it doesn’t even matter anymore.”
These words had been weighing on Sebastian heavily for quite a while, and it feels good to finally get them out. But he’s still terrified of Blaine’s reaction, so he keeps talking.
“Of course, I want to go to college in the same city,” Sebastian clarifies in a lower, softer voice. “And share an apartment. I’m actually really happy to hear that you want that too. But you skipped quite a few important steps, and that really...hurts.”
Blaine stares at him with an expression of utter shock, eyes opened wide and jaw dropped. Sebastian realizes he must’ve looked exactly the same way twenty minutes earlier.
“I...wow, okay,” Blaine stammers, searching for words. “But I...as you know, I even applied to a couple of colleges in New York, but they’re not my first choice anymore. Why didn’t you tell me that it’s so important to you to live in New York, of all places?” His voice sounds unfamiliarly high and desperate.
“How was I supposed to know that you no longer want to live there? You used to talk about New York all the time! Anyways, I can change my plans too, but we have to discuss those things together! You can’t simply make such a big decision without me and expect me to be okay with it!” Sebastian is talking himself into a rage. “Stop acting like some sort of...puppet master!”
Upon seeing Blaine’s hurt expression, Sebastian immediately regrets his words, especially because they weren’t even his own...but Hunter’s.
“Maybe you shouldn’t have refused to talk about this subject for so long!” Blaine defends himself, tears of anger and disappointment glistening in his eyes. “You know, Sebastian, sometimes you simply have to confront the things you’re scared of! This is just like when you refused to believe that we could be together as a couple.”
“Well, it’s not so easy for me to talk about this stuff, knowing that we apparently want different things. And I guess I was still hoping you might change your mind again once you get accepted by Tisch...or NYADA.”
All of a sudden, Blaine’s face darkens even more, but he remains silent this time, tightly pressing his lips together. Sebastian is sure he’s just addressed the elephant in the room.
“It’s because of Kurt, isn’t it?” It’s the first time in what feels like years that Sebastian has actually said that name out loud. It feels like acid on his tongue. “He’s the reason why you don’t wanna live in New York anymore, huh?”
Blaine looks like a deer in the headlights. Gulping, he opens and closes his mouth a few times before he responds.
“It’s...it’s like that stupid Keane song. I have memories of New York that I just...can’t forget,” he eventually stammers in a weak voice.
Sebastian gets where Blaine is coming from. He really does, but he simply can’t shake the feeling that it would be wrong to simply accept the matter and move on.
“So you’re willing to bury your dreams because you’re afraid of running into your ex?” Sebastian asks in a cautious tone, trying hard to show Blaine that he understands.
“Yeah, well...I think it would be weird after everything that happened. And not just for me. You saw how hurt he was at Mr. Schue’s funeral. If we ran into him in New York together...”
Despite trying hard to stay calm and compassionate, Sebastian can suddenly no longer hold back his frustration. “Why do you give a shit? I thought you were over him! He’ll move on, and you should too!”
“I know, but I think a fresh start somewhere else would be better for everyone,” Blaine argues in a louder, defiant tone.
Sebastian regards Blaine with a probing look, trying to find out what’s happening behind those beautiful honey-colored eyes. Eventually, he’s pretty sure he knows what’s going on.
“Frankly, I don’t believe that moving to L.A. is what you really want,” Sebastian says in a sober and steady voice. “It’s a cop-out. You’re doing the same thing you just accused me of. You’re right, it’s hard for me to confront things I’m scared of. Things that lie ahead and that I can’t control. But you have a real problem with confronting your past. You simply try to avoid it, but that’s never gonna work. Please be honest...is L.A. really your first choice?”
Avoiding Sebastian’s gaze, Blaine drops his head. He looks caught, embarrassed. “Well, actually...I still think Tisch is the best school, and Broadway is where I’ve always wanted to be. But I feel like he ruined New York for me. Or rather, I ruined it for myself.”
Sebastian draws a long, calming breath, trying to keep his cool despite this ridiculous statement. “That’s bullshit, Blaine. If we move to New York together, it’ll be like a whole new city. We’ll make new memories. Together. Maybe we’ll run into him from time to time, but at some point, it will be just like running into any of the other eight million people there. I promise.”
Finally looking Sebastian in the eyes again, Blaine slowly nods his head. “I guess you’re right.”
“Listen, I won’t make you bury your dreams just to fulfill mine. I’d rather bury my own. But think about it. Be honest. What do you really want?” Sebastian asks with a sympathetic smile.
“Uhm...I mean, I’ve really come to like the idea of living close to the beach. But if I’m completely honest...maybe Hollywood isn’t really my thing. It’s for guys like Cooper. He’s tried to convince me of how cool it is for so long, but I’ve always thought I’d be much happier on Broadway. I wanna act and sing.”
Sebastian releases another sigh, but this time of relief. “See? You can’t fool me,” he grins.
Slowly but surely, a smile forms on Blaine’s lips, finally lighting up his face. His eyes are shining with gratitude. “Thanks for knowing me...I love you.”
“I love you, too,” Sebastian says gently, meeting Blaine in a brief but passionate kiss.
“I’m sorry I haven’t told you so much about my plans. I’ve actually wanted to live in New York for a long time. It’s where my parents met...and where I was born. I feel strangely connected to that city, although I barely know it,” Sebastian finally confides. “That’s why I wanna study at Columbia or NYU, like you. When we first became friends, your fascination with New York was one of the many reasons why I thought we were destined to be together. I thought we were headed for the same destination. And I think we still are.”
“We are,” Blaine confirms with a warm smile, interlacing his fingers with Sebastian’s. “I guess college is all about growing up and growing as a person...and learning how to make peace with the past is part of that process.”
“Exactly. And...” Sebastian hesitates for a moment, hoping that his words won’t upset Blaine again. “Please don’t be mad at me for saying this, but I think singing that Keane song at Nationals could be an important step in that process too.”
Blaine nods absentmindedly. “You’re right...I used to love that song. That’s why I picked it that day.”
“Make it yours again,” Sebastian suggests encouragingly, squeezing Blaine’s hands.
A thankful smile hovers over Blaine’s lips, but it quickly vanishes again. “I haven’t told you because I hadn’t planned on going, but...Tisch invited me to audition. Next week.”
“Wow, congrats! That’s awesome!” Sebastian blurts out happily. “After you’ve aced that, we can really start looking for apartments. Together.”
“Yeah...” Blaine looks somewhat embarrassed when he adds, “I’m really sorry I made you feel like I didn’t care about your plans. And...congrats on getting into Columbia. I’m really happy for you.”
“Thanks,” Sebastian grins, but he’s ready to finally change the subject. They’ll talk about college again eventually, now that they’re finally on the same page again. “So you’re here to exercise?” he asks, regarding Blaine’s outfit.
“Mostly to blow off steam. But I also feel like I need to improve my endurance for the soccer game, considering we don’t have so many substitutes.”
“Good point,” Sebastian affirms, pulling off his blazer. “I should work on that too.”
“In your uniform?” Blaine chuckles, eying Sebastian with a skeptical look.
After swiftly removing his tie with skillful fingers, Sebastian opens the top buttons of his white dress shirt that is still a bit sweaty from running after Blaine, and rolls up his sleeves. He casually kicks off his shoes and pulls down his uniform pants, revealing his boxer shorts.
“I guess that’ll do,” Blaine comments with an amused grin.
As Sebastian kneels down to put his shoes back on, he smirks up at Blaine. “Catch me if you can!” he blurts out before suddenly darting off at top speed.
Somewhere behind him, Sebastian hears Blaine’s melodic chuckle; his favorite sound in the entire world. It’s magnetic, but he resists the temptation to slow down and turn around. He knows Blaine can run like the devil despite his shorter legs.
As he races across the soccer field like a lunatic, cutting through the cool spring air like a lightning bolt, Sebastian feels more alive than ever.
Maybe life isn’t perfect and neither is Blaine, but moments like these certainly are.
Notes:
P.S. You should listen to this song again. And again. And again...
Chapter 13: The Game Is On
Chapter Text
After having spent almost every day and night together for several weeks, it’s not exactly easy for Sebastian to see Blaine leave for his audition at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. Although Blaine will only be gone for three days, Sebastian’s heart feels unexpectedly heavy when Pam Anderson arrives to pick up her son.
Sebastian had considered joining the Andersons on their trip to New York but eventually decided to be reasonable for once and use his alone time to study. Now that it’s April, there aren’t many opportunities left to improve his final grades to the point where they actually reflect his smarts. He even intends to complete the reading assignment for English class this time, instead of simply looking up a summary and analysis on the internet again.
As chance would have it, Sebastian receives his letter from NYU on the day of Blaine’s audition. He initially considers not opening it before Blaine’s return, but the suspense soon becomes unbearable. After rereading the second page of his English assignment for the fifth time and still being unable to process a single word, Sebastian realizes that he can’t wait any longer. He’s simply too curious and buzzing with excitement.
Tossing the book aside, he jumps up from his bed and grabs the letter from his desk. For a moment, he just stares at the envelope, somewhat lost in thought, but he quickly forces himself to snap out of his trance. He’s already been admitted to Columbia, so he has nothing to lose. Still, it would mean so much more to be a student at NYU because Blaine, who’s doubtlessly acing his audition at this very moment, will study there too. Sebastian has been daydreaming about joining the same clubs and eventually attending the same graduation ceremony...
Finally, he tears the envelope open with the urgency of a hungry wolf and unfolds the letter. He impatiently skims through the text for the relevant information and...
“Yeeesss!” Sebastian exclaims victoriously, pumping his fist in the air. Instantly feeling the urge to share the amazing news with Blaine, he lunges for his phone.
[11:34 AM] great news! just got my letter from nyu! :) how’s it going for you? have they already offered you a full ride so that you won’t turn THEM down?
Sebastian has to wait for almost two torturous hours until Blaine finally replies.
[01:15 PM] OMG, that’s so awesome! I’m so happy for you!!! :) I just got out half an hour ago and had to answer a million questions from my mom... I think it went pretty well. I almost blanked once but fortunately remembered the lyrics just in time. They seemed happy at the end, but maybe they were only being nice... We’ll see.
[01:16 PM] oh babe, stop selling yourself short. they gotta be honored you graced them with your talent
[01:18 PM] Haha :P Anyway, now that you got the letter, I really hope I get in too! Btw, you were right about New York...it already feels like home in a way :)
[01:18 PM] ha! told you so!
[01:19 PM] I know...thanks again for convincing me to do this after all
[01:19 PM] don’t mention it ;)
[01:20 PM] We’ll grab lunch now. Talk to you later?
[01:20 PM] sure
[01:20 PM] I miss you...and I’m proud of you! <3
[01:20 PM] miss u 2! xx
As Sebastian puts his phone down, his heart is still pounding like a kick drum, and he’s smiling from ear to ear.
Blaine is proud of him.
It’s crazy how, now that Sebastian is with Blaine, something as simple as a few words in a text message can make his entire day.
But words are nothing compared to finally being with Blaine again on Sunday night. Words can’t even begin to capture this moment: Here’s Blaine, exactly where Sebastian wants him...no more than two inches away from him in a shower stall in their Dalton bathroom.
Hot water is trickling down Blaine’s naked body; countless brilliant streams tracing the dark hair on his arms, abdomen, and legs, causing his olive skin to shine as if he were made of bronze. His raven hair is wonderfully untamed, and his cheeks are flushed from the heat of the steam and water. Thick, sparkling drops of liquid are caught in his long black eyelashes, adorning them like translucent pearls.
“I missed you,” Blaine hums in a low, musical voice.
Sebastian feels like he might simply melt on the spot and be washed down the drain. It’s one of those moments when he can’t help but think of the Ben Folds song they’d talked about the night of their first romantic kiss. He truly believes he’s The Luckiest.
“I missed you, too,” Sebastian whispers, placing his hands on Blaine’s lower back and pulling him closer until their lower bodies are lined up flush against each other. As if dancing to the song in Sebastian’s head, they start to rhythmically rock their hips from side to side.
Blaine closes his eyes and wraps his fingers around Sebastian’s shoulders, gently massaging his wet skin. For a little while, Blaine looks perfectly serene, but Sebastian soon realizes that something’s been weighing on his boyfriend’s mind.
When Blaine opens his large, captivating gem-like eyes again, they are suddenly gleaming with hopeful expectation. His lush lips form a flirtatious yet also somewhat bashful smile before he poses a surprising question.
“Will you go to prom with me?”
Sebastian’s heart leaps. He had not expected to be asked this question. “You wanna go to...prom? With...me?” he stammers incredulously.
“Of course with you,” Blaine confirms, suddenly looking rather insecure due to Sebastian’s startled reaction. “Who do you think I should ask instead?”
“Nobody! I just thought...I assumed you didn’t wanna go to prom. I thought we’d just skip it,” Sebastian tries to explain his hesitation.
“Why?”
Sebastian doesn’t want to kill the good vibes by reminding Blaine of horrors from the past, but he’s aware he owes him a proper response. “Because...you once told me you didn’t like school dances...for obvious reasons.”
“Oh,” Blaine mouths with a sudden frown, his gaze dropping to the shower floor. “Yeah...I did tell you about that.”
For a few uncomfortable seconds, Sebastian hears nothing but the swooshing sound of the water. Luckily, it doesn’t take Blaine long to collect himself and lock eyes with Sebastian again.
“But that was a long time ago, and I’m over it. After that had happened, I went to school dances at McKinley and it was fun. And I genuinely enjoyed dancing with you at Mr. Schue’s wedding. So I’ve been looking forward to this prom. I guess I didn’t really think I’d have to ask you and...just more or less assumed we’d go together. Sorry I did it again...sorry for making plans for us without asking you for your opinion, I mean.”
“It’s okay. I’m actually pretty stoked,” Sebastian grins. It seems silly, but he’s feeling surprisingly flattered and excited about Blaine asking him, and his heart is still galloping inside his chest. “But you know that we’ll probably be the first male couple at Dalton’s prom, right? Usually, Dalton guys ask the girls from Crawford Country Day.”
“I know. Three of those girls already asked me at our joint Drama Club meeting, but I told them I’d go with you.”
“Oh, of course! Not one, not two, but three girls asked you to go to prom with them,” Sebastian comments with a loud laugh, trying to ignore the uncalled-for twinge of jealousy. “You’re such a lady-killer!”
Blaine’s already rosy cheeks now turn a glowing pink. “I don’t know why they asked me. Everybody knows I’m gay...”
“You don’t have to explain yourself,” Sebastian assures him with a smirk. “I guess I’m already used to that. Remember Tina? Can’t blame ‘em. It’s simply what happens when you have a hot boyfriend.”
“For the record, two other girls asked me if you already had a prom date,” Blaine adds, regarding Sebastian with a challenging grin.
Faking annoyance but secretly even somewhat flattered, Sebastian shakes his head and rolls his eyes. “Pfft, those girls...unbelievable. But you’ve gotta hand it to them, it takes balls to ask someone out for prom.”
“Yeah, those Crawford girls sure got balls,” Blaine agrees with a sarcastic chuckle.
“So...we’re going to prom together,” Sebastian sums up, and his thoughts drift off to the future event. He imagines them slow dancing together again, dressed in their best suits. “Do you think they’ll change the rules so we can both be prom kings?”
Blaine bursts into amused laughter. “That would be so awesome! But you know, I don’t really care about that. I just wanna dance with you again. I don’t need to wear a crown for that.”
“You deserve one, though,” Sebastian counters, grinning. “King of the Warblers.”
Ducking his head like he always does when he’s flattered, Blaine emits a melodious chuckle. “Don’t let Hunter hear that! Oh, and I suppose he’s interested in becoming prom king too, so maybe I should leave the field to him for once. He already hates me enough...which doesn’t mean that you can’t compete, though. I would love to see you wearing a crown! I bet you’d have a good chance of winning!”
Blaine’s flattering words make Sebastian smile, but he immediately shakes his head. “What’s a king without...another king? I don’t wanna win if we can’t win together. Nah, let’s win Nationals together instead. And that damn soccer game.”
“Awww...I didn’t know you could be so romantic,” Blaine purrs, gently cupping Sebastian’s cheeks with his hands and pulling him in for a slow, passionate kiss, tenderly caressing Sebastian’s lips and tongue with his alluring mouth.
“Anything for you,” Sebastian hums as soon as their lips part again. Lust is clouding his mind, and he soon follows his urge to sink to his knees in front of Blaine.
Blaine’s length is already half-erect, and it quickly swells to its full glory as Sebastian begins to tease it, dragging his tongue along the sensitive skin. A sweet moan escapes from Blaine’s mouth, sending thrilling shivers down Sebastian’s spine.
No matter what happens at prom, at Nationals, or at the soccer game, Sebastian is determined to make Blaine feel like a king...because this precious boy deserves nothing less.
Yeah, there are no words that could describe this scene accurately. It’s pure bliss. Blaine and him. Blaine inside him.
Only Blaine and him, enveloped in a veil of hot steam.
The day of the soccer game couldn’t start any better. That morning, Blaine receives notice of his admission to Tisch. So it’s finally clear that they’ll both study at the same university and live in the same city, where they’ll share an apartment (which they have yet to find). All of Sebastian’s previous doubts and worries have simply vanished, and he feels light as a feather.
During the previous night, it had rained quite a lot, but as the soccer team heads over to Dalton’s athletic grounds in the early afternoon, the April sun is shining, and the gentle breeze blowing over the soccer pitch feels nothing but pleasant. Sebastian is still so drunk with joy that there’s no doubt in his mind the soccer game will be a complete success. It already feels like a done deal. They’ll obviously win, just like they’ll win Nationals in a couple of weeks, and then they’ll move to New York and have the best time of their lives.
Sebastian is determined to focus on nothing but the ball once the game has started, so he steals as many glances at Blaine as possible before the kickoff. As Sebastian has expected, Blaine looks super sexy in Dalton’s soccer kit; a jersey with navy and red stripes, navy shorts, and red knee socks. But the look on Blaine’s face is rather tense. Sebastian thinks he knows very well what’s going on inside his boyfriend’s head. Blaine’s desperate to prove himself again. To convince everyone that he deserves to be back at Dalton.
“Let’s show those losers who’s king around here,” Sebastian smirks, gently poking Blaine with his elbow.
Luckily, Sebastian’s attempt at lightening the mood works, and Blaine’s narrowed lips melt into a charming smile. “You’re right. If we can’t be prom kings together, we should at least be kings of the soccer pitch.”
“Exactly!”
Sebastian finally detaches his eyes from Blaine and allows them to wander around. The opposing team from Marion High School, dressed in canary yellow jerseys, has already started to warm up. As Sebastian’s gaze drifts to the stands on the long side of the pitch, he catches sight of his parents. They must have been watching him because they’re waving at him enthusiastically with bright smiles on their faces. Sebastian had specifically asked his parents not to come, but he’d been well aware that they’d never listen to him anyway.
Here they are now, sitting right next to the Andersons. A satisfied grin crosses Sebastian’s face when he spots Todd. Blaine’s father looks just as cheerful and excited as a child on Christmas morning as he chats with Martine and Leonard Smythe.
Due to the heavy rain of the previous night, the soccer pitch feels soft and a little slippery under Sebastian’s boots as he warms up with the team. He makes a mental note to be a little more careful than usual when he runs at full speed.
As soon as the game begins, it becomes clear that Marion’s team is a particularly tough opponent. The players are giant hunks who look like they should rather be competing in American football matches instead of soccer games. During the entire first half, Dalton’s players have trouble keeping up with them, barely winning any one-on-ones. Nick, Jeff, Blaine, and most of the others are significantly inferior in body mass and strength.
When the teams gather for the half-time break, morale among Dalton’s players has deteriorated considerably, and even Sebastian is a little worried now. They haven’t found a way to break through Marion’s defense yet, and although Sebastian and Jeff took a few good long-distance shots at the goal, the score is still 0-0.
After the coach has presented a brief analysis of the first half and a revised strategy for the second, the players move back onto the pitch. Blaine and Sebastian exchange encouraging smiles, and Sebastian’s spirits are instantly lifted again. He still believes in the team, Blaine, and himself. Although he’s already drenched in sweat, he decides to run faster, fight harder, and win this fucking game, no matter what.
But barely ten minutes into the second half, fate strikes. All of a sudden, everything happens very fast. A guy from the other team, built like a tank, suddenly slides into Sebastian from the right, the sole of his studded soccer shoe slamming hard against Sebastian’s right ankle and foot. There’s an instant, sharp, mind-numbing pain in his foot, and Sebastian could swear he’s heard an immensely disturbing cracking sound as well...
Before he knows it, he’s lying on the grass, his hands instinctively reaching for his right foot. Crunched up in a fetal position, clutching his ankle with his hands, Sebastian momentarily forgets where he is. Who he is. The pain is so severe that it seems to annihilate his capacity to form and process any thoughts. Behind his closed eyes, everything is a pulsating, meaningless, aching blur.
After what feels like an eternity but probably no more than five seconds, Sebastian hears something so beautiful that it makes him momentarily forget about the pain...Blaine’s unmistakable voice. He forces himself to open his eyes and realizes that Blaine is kneeling next to him, regarding him with an expression of blatant worry.
“Are you okay?” Blaine asks somewhat helplessly. “Oh shit...that really looks like it must hurt a lot. Maybe he just slipped because the ground is still so wet, but it also looked quite aggressive... Do you think he did it deliberately?”
Sebastian feels increasingly paralyzed by the pain again, but a sudden pang of rage snaps him out of this state. “Of course he did it on purpose, that fucking asshole! Where is he?” he exclaims furiously.
His eyes frantically search for the culprit who’d slammed into him and eventually spot him on the other side of the pitch in a safe distance, chatting with his teammates as if nothing had happened. He’s received a yellow card, but that doesn’t make up for anything. That prick definitely deserves a fucking red card and a hard punch in the gut on top of that.
Sebastian tries to get back up on his feet with Blaine’s help, but it’s instantly clear that there’s no way in hell he’ll be able to continue playing, or even walk, or...
“Fuck!” Sebastian yells as the realization hits that Nationals are only two weeks away. What if he can’t dance at Nationals? And at prom? What if his foot is broken? His ankle already looks swollen, and his entire foot feels like it’s on fire.
All of a sudden, everyone has gathered around him; Dalton’s entire soccer team as well as the ref and, to Sebastian’s horror, his parents too.
“You have to see a doctor,” Martine Smythe says in an anxious voice, regarding Sebastian’s foot with a horrified expression.
Nationals. Prom. The summer break. Nationals. Nationals. Nationals! All of that is over for Sebastian before it has even begun. Just because of that prick!
“I’m gonna smash that motherfucker’s face!” Sebastian growls, trying to move in the guy’s direction. But Blaine, whose arm is still locked with his, is holding him back, and the pain in his right foot almost blinds him when he tries to walk.
“I’m sorry, but if I hear anything like that again, I’ll have to give you a yellow card too,” the referee says in a strict, uncompassionate tone. “We don’t need any vigilantism here. I’m the one who’s responsible for awarding penalties, and the boy already got a yellow card. Everybody has to stick to fair play, even those who have been wronged.”
Sebastian bursts into a sinister, mirthless chuckle. Fair play? Everything is just so unfair.
“Fuck this!” Sebastian gnarls through his teeth, feeling like he’s about to have a serious temper tantrum. “Leave me alone, all of you!” he snaps, roughly pulling Blaine’s arm to indicate he wants him to help get to the sidelines, away from everybody else. He can’t stand to be near anyone but Blaine now. Limping and shifting most of his weight onto Blaine’s left shoulder, Sebastian leaves the soccer pitch with his head hanging low.
So this is how Dalton will remember him. Kicked off the lacrosse team, defeated on the soccer pitch, and not even capable of making up for all of the embarrassment onstage because he certainly won’t be able to participate at Nationals. He’d wanted to go out with a bang, but now he’s nothing but the loser of the century.
After they pass the sideline, Sebastian powerlessly collapses to the ground. Kneeling down next to him, Blaine says softly, “I’ll go to the hospital with you, okay?”
“You have to stay here and finish the game,” Sebastian objects, sounding weak and defeated. As he tries to pull the shoe off his injured foot, the pain is so severe that he briefly cries out, causing Blaine to flinch in sympathy.
“The game doesn’t matter to me!” Blaine insists, tenderly running his palm over Sebastian’s right knee. “Do you think it’s broken?” he asks hesitantly.
“I don’t know...maybe,” Sebastian groans. It actually feels like it is.
Blaine suddenly looks as if he’s about to cry. “I’m so, so sorry, Bas! This wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t convinced you to join the team. It’s all my fault, I’m so very sorry!”
Seeing Blaine plagued by self-reproach again is even more painful than the injury. “Babe...please calm down and don’t blame yourself for this. You didn’t crash into me. If it hadn’t been for that berserk... Fuck, I’m gonna kill that asshole!” Sebastian hisses angrily, but he quickly tries to control his temper again, for Blaine’s sake. “Anyway, you had no idea this would happen, and I’m still glad you convinced me to join the team. I loved every single training session with you, and I still believe we can win this game. You have to go back and play. I’m okay. We can go to the hospital after the game.”
“Are you sure?” Blaine asks in a weak voice, tears glistening in his eyes.
“Yes, the pain is...manageable now. I’m fine. It’s probably nothing,” Sebastian lies, mostly trying to convince himself. “Look, the team needs you. Now more than ever.”
And so does Sebastian. He wants Blaine to stay with him so badly, but if Dalton’s team loses the game, Sebastian’s injury and all of the shitty consequences looming on the horizon will be for nothing. And Sebastian wants to watch Blaine play soccer one last time. His obsession with watching Blaine play was what had cost him his spot on the lacrosse team, and he still thinks it was totally worth it.
“There’s only half an hour left anyway. You gotta do this for me, okay? I’ll be right here and cheer you on,” Sebastian says encouragingly, trying hard to keep a straight face despite the pain.
Blaine gives him a look of utter concern. “But I think you should see a doctor as soon as possible.”
“I’m feeling good, trust me. I promise I’ll go to the hospital afterwards and have my foot checked. Would you mind helping me get to the bench? Thanks...”
Resting some of his weight on Blaine’s shoulder again, Sebastian makes it to the bench where Dalton’s substitute players are waiting for their turn. As he drops down, he tries his best to ignore the sharp pain in his foot and ankle. A junior named Colin is already running back and forth along the sidelines, getting ready to replace him.
Sebastian’s parents and the coach immediately start to pester him with questions about his injury again, but Sebastian assures them that he’s okay and there’s no rush to get to the hospital. Martine and Leonard Smythe are almost as hard to convince as Blaine, but they eventually accept their son’s wish and return to the stands where the other parents are seated.
Blaine reluctantly returns to the pitch but remains visibly distracted during the remainder of the match. His worried gaze frequently wanders back to check on Sebastian. Every time their eyes meet, Sebastian fakes an encouraging smile. He’s aware that Blaine can probably see through his act, but it’s the least he can do for Blaine right now.
After eighty minutes, neither team has managed to score a goal yet. Due to the physical superiority of their opponents, Dalton’s players have so far had to invest all their energy into defending their own goal, and there have been barely any further opportunities to score. Marion’s players are simply so much taller, beefier, and stronger...
...and yet, Dalton’s players have one crucial advantage. They may be shorter, but they are also more agile and they are fast.
Blaine gets a chance to show off his incredible speed in the eighty-seventh minute when a misplaced pass from the other team lands right in front of his feet. Without looking left or right, he takes possession of the ball and darts off in the direction of the goal. Completely taken off guard, Marion’s defenders try to chase after him, but they stand no chance.
Seeing Blaine approach unhindered and at top speed, Marion’s goalkeeper suddenly starts to run towards Blaine in a desperate attempt to stop him. That causes Blaine to make a bold but genius decision.
As soon as he sees the goalkeeper approach, he slows down slightly to gain better control over the ball. After calculating the distance between him and the goal, he chips the ball up into the air with his right foot, sending it sailing over the goalkeeper’s head and raised arms. The ball drops down to the grass well behind the goalkeeper’s back before bouncing up again...and flying right into the goal.
For a split second, Sebastian completely forgets that his foot might be broken. He jumps up from the bench, throwing his fists up into the air in jubilation. As he lands on the ground again, the intense pain in his foot causes him to flinch, but nothing can wipe the big smile off his face, not even the pain. Blaine just fucking scored!
As soon as Blaine has freed himself from the overjoyed, exuberant hugs from Nick and the other team members on the pitch, he immediately turns to find Sebastian’s gaze. At what seems like the speed of light, Blaine races over to him and engulfs him in a tight embrace, planting a concealed but heartfelt kiss on Sebastian’s neck, right below his left ear.
“You did it, babe!” Sebastian gushes, burying his fingers in Blaine’s sweat-soaked jersey. “I knew you’d win this game all by yourself. What a killer goal!”
“Thanks!” Blaine gasps, still completely out of breath.
As Blaine lifts his head and their eyes meet, Sebastian feels like he’s never seen a more gorgeous sight. The dark hair framing Blaine’s handsome face is wet and messy, and his cheeks are beautifully flushed from the physical exercise and excitement. His golden eyes are radiating with delight, and he’s grinning like a Cheshire Cat.
Seeing Blaine like this gives Sebastian thrills of joy. There’s suddenly no trace left of his previous frustration. It’s as if he can finally see the world in color again. The glass is definitely half-full, not half-empty.
Even if his stupid foot is broken, Sebastian will probably still be able to slow dance with Blaine at prom somehow. And as for Nationals...he’s sure they’ll find a way. Either he’ll skip the dancing and just sing, or he’ll watch the performance from the sidelines. Of course, missing out on Nationals would be bitter, and only a couple of months ago, such a disaster would’ve left Sebastian consumed by rage for weeks.
But now he’s already in good spirits again because not competing in Nationals would have a sweet side effect. If he can’t compete himself, at least he’ll get to watch Blaine perform again. And seeing Blaine in his element is simply priceless.
“I’m so proud of you!” Sebastian says with a warm smile, momentarily reminded of how great he’d felt when Blaine texted him these words.
“You were so close to scoring a couple of times, and I know you would’ve done it at some point,” Blaine grins. “So I did it for you.”
Sebastian emits a brief, flattered laugh. Maybe he would have, maybe not. In the end, Sebastian doesn’t really care about that anymore. Seeing Blaine shine is so much more rewarding than showing off his own skills.
There are still a few minutes to play, and Blaine has to return to the soccer pitch. Visibly still shocked by the unexpected goal, Marion’s team is nothing more than a disorganized bunch. Dalton’s team, on the other hand, is spurred on by Blaine’s goal and retains control of the game until the end.
As the final whistle sounds over the pitch, Jeff, Nick, and the others rush towards Blaine again, showering him with hugs and high-fives. Sebastian really couldn’t be any prouder of Blaine...and he remembers that he’s certainly not the only one.
Although it’s hard to peel his gaze away from the happy scene playing out on the soccer pitch, Sebastian turns his head to look at the stands where their parents are sitting, and he’s struck with an even more heartwarming sight.
Todd Anderson is smiling from ear to ear, repeatedly wiping his eyes with swift motions of his hands in an attempt to conceal his happy tears. After all the differences between them, seeing Blaine’s father so overjoyed and proud of his son is simply amazing, and Sebastian hopes that Blaine notices his father’s emotional reaction too. He’ll definitely tell him about it, just to be sure.
There’s a victory celebration at Dalton after the game, but Blaine insists on accompanying Sebastian, Martine, and Leonard to the hospital. Sebastian feels lousy about that, but Blaine really doesn’t seem to care about missing the party.
The X-rays confirm that Sebastian’s right foot is broken and his ankle is sprained. Luckily, he doesn’t need surgery, but he has to wear a bulky boot-like brace for a while. He also gets a prescription for a bunch of painkillers, for which he’s really grateful.
“I guess it could’ve been worse,” Sebastian says with a sigh as they’re on their way back to Dalton in his parents’ car. Blaine and Sebastian are seated in the back, holding hands.
“I’m still feeling guilty,” Blaine mumbles with a sheepish frown.
“Hey, please don’t make such a face. I only wanna see you smile today after that awesome victory,” Sebastian counters in a cheerful tone. “Your victory.”
“Our victory! I don’t think I would’ve scored if...I don’t know. Once you had to leave the pitch, I was just so damn worried and...angry. All I wanted was to be with you, but I couldn’t, so I decided I’d do anything to pay them back for what they’d done to you.” Chuckling softly, Blaine adds, “I was in full revenge mode. I think that’s what made me run so fast. I wanted to beat them so badly...for you.”
“Thank you, babe,” Sebastian whispers, surprisingly flattered. Suddenly, he’s reminded of Todd Anderson. In a louder, downright excited voice, he asks, “Hey, did you see your dad after the match?”
“Yeah, I talked to him briefly.”
“No, I mean, did you look at him right after the final whistle? He was shedding happy tears!”
“No way!” Blaine blurts out with an incredulous snort.
“I swear he did! I saw it! It was kinda...cute,” Sebastian affirms, grinning. “He was proud as fuck!”
Visibly touched, Blaine ducks his head, smiling brightly. Fondly squeezing Sebastian’s hand, he whispers, “Thank you for telling me. It means a lot.”
I know...I know YOU, Sebastian thinks, but he keeps his mouth shut and simply responds with an affectionate smile. Some things go without saying.
“How are you feeling now, honey? Have the painkillers already kicked in?” Martine asks compassionately, turning around in the passenger seat. The caring look on his mother’s face touches Sebastian more than he’s willing to admit.
Only then does he realize that he hasn’t been feeling any pain ever since he got back into the car and Blaine took his hand. He’s not quite sure what has caused the relief - the painkillers or the killer soccer player next to him.
Actually, holding Blaine’s hand probably has a stronger healing effect on Sebastian than any pill ever could. Blaine has been like a drug to him ever since they met.
“Yeah, I’m feeling good,” Sebastian affirms with a contented smile. This time, he really means it.
Chapter 14: Killer Instinct
Chapter Text
“Oh, that’s just terrific!” Hunter’s tone is the typical melange of sarcasm and annoyance, but the expression on his face reveals a fair amount of alarm.
It’s the morning after the soccer match, and the boys are supposed to be in the dining hall at this hour. But Sebastian had decided to tell Hunter about his broken foot before anyone else could and asked him to meet up before breakfast. That’s why Sebastian and Blaine, who’d insisted on joining him, are now seated on one of the maroon leather couches in the Warblers’ common room, watching Hunter pacing back and forth in front of them instead of enjoying their cereal and French toast downstairs.
Hunter had, of course, already heard about what had happened at the soccer match. But since Sebastian had downplayed his pain during the game in order to delay the hospital visit, Hunter’s “sources” hadn’t been able to report any details about the severity of Sebastian’s injury. And judging from Hunter’s bewildered reaction to what Sebastian just told him, the hospital is apparently a spy-free zone.
The color of Hunter’s face is turning redder with each passing second, and he bears an alarming resemblance to a simmering volcano about to erupt. “You gotta be kidding me, Smythe!” he yells in utter frustration. “Why the fuck did you have to take such a fucking risk right before Nationals?”
Releasing a shuddering sigh, Sebastian scolds himself for having had the slightest hope that Hunter might demonstrate at least a little bit of compassion. The truth is that Hunter doesn’t care about his well-being, and Sebastian should’ve known that much. They’ve never been real friends but rather an alliance of convenience.
Sebastian wants nothing more than to snap back at Hunter in an equally disrespectful tone, but he needs to focus on damage control. “Why do you consider playing soccer a risk?” he asks, trying to remain calm and collected. “Didn’t you even call it a ‘sissy sport’? You never had a problem with me playing lacrosse. Probably because you play lacrosse too; a sport for ‘real men’, huh? But don’t you think that’s even more risky? You’re being a hypocrite!”
“There are things that are worth taking a risk for and things that aren’t,” Hunter hisses. “Dalton’s lacrosse team has a long and prestigious tradition, just like the Warblers. But the soccer team hasn’t won a single trophy in its entire short and sad history. There was absolutely no point in joining these bush-leaguers!”
Impatiently rolling his eyes, Sebastian retorts, “First of all, we won yesterday’s match. And second, didn’t you try to convince me - and Blaine - to join your utterly useless Fight Club? As if that wasn’t risky at all!”
“Fight Club’s not useless,” Blaine mutters under his breath but quickly falls silent again, smiling apologetically upon seeing Sebastian’s irritated look.
“Anyway,” Sebastian continues, “there was no way of knowing that anything like this would happen. It was bad luck. If it hadn’t happened on the soccer pitch, maybe I would’ve tripped down the stairs or whatever.”
“Yeah, right,” Hunter snorts condescendingly. “It’s actually a miracle that hasn’t happened yet, considering your eyes are constantly glued to Blaine’s ass.”
“What the...?” Hunter’s comment causes both Blaine and Sebastian to jump up from the couch in outrage, but before they can say anything in response to his indignity, Hunter resumes his rant.
“And of course he’s also the reason why you joined that ridiculous team of scrubs!” Turning to Blaine with a reproachful look, Hunter snaps, “I wanted you to come back to Dalton to reinforce the Warblers, not to make everything about yourself and incite others to make bad decisions! As lead choreographer, Sebastian is just as vital for the Warblers’ success as you are. Now look at what you’ve done! It’s a fucking disaster!”
Sebastian’s head whirls around to Blaine, who’s glaring at Hunter with a shocked expression, petrified and unable to talk. As expected, Hunter’s accusations seem to have hit Blaine like a punch in the gut.
This is bad, Sebastian thinks frantically. He’d tried so hard to assure Blaine that he was not to blame for the incident. Because it wasn’t Blaine’s fault at all. But now Hunter is trying to convince him of the opposite, knowing all too well that Blaine is prone to drowning himself in self-reproach. Sebastian has to put an end to it.
“Shut - the fuck - up!” he snarls dangerously, staring at Hunter with utter hatred in his eyes. He takes a painful step towards him, accidentally using the wrong foot, but he’s so furious that he doesn’t even wince. “What happened is not Blaine’s fault, and if you don’t stop talking to him with this total lack of respect, I’ll fucking leave the Warblers, and maybe he will too! This is not how you treat ‘vital’ members of your team! If you wanna play the blame game, you should talk to Nick and Jeff because they convinced Blaine to join the soccer team in the first place. Or even better, blame the asshole who actually caused this injury! I’m sorry it happened, okay? Breaking my foot wasn’t exactly on my bucket list of things to do before leaving Dalton. But it happened, and now we have to find a way to deal with it. So how about you start to act like a real captain and brainstorm possible solutions with us?”
Sebastian’s gaze briefly flickers over to Blaine. He can tell from the hurt look in his eyes that Blaine is still incredibly stirred up but trying hard to control his emotions.
Luckily, Sebastian’s words seem to have hit the mark. Taking a deep, audible breath, Hunter walks over to the window. When he turns to look at them again after a few seconds, the expression on his face is suddenly composed, almost blank.
“Fine. Let’s brainstorm then. Any suggestions?” Hunter asks in a voice void of any emotion before resorting back to his usual malice. “How about we put you in a wheelchair? Could be a real asset. It seems to have worked really well for those losers from McKinley.”
“You’re such an asshole!” Blaine snaps furiously. Suddenly, he seems to be even more enraged than Sebastian and looks as if he’s about to leap at Hunter’s throat. “The New Directions are an excellent show choir and have absolutely no need to fish for pity votes! And Arty is a better singer than you’ll ever be!”
Trying to keep the situation from escalating, Sebastian gently grabs Blaine’s arm to hold him back and hisses, “Would you mind not insulting Blaine’s friends and being so utterly tasteless for once?”
“Oh, my apologies. I forgot that you hold a PhD in Political Correctness, Dr. Smythe,” Hunter sneers with a mirthless chuckle. “Okay, for real now. How do you think this is gonna work? You’ll sit in the middle of the stage, and we’ll dance around you in a circle?”
“For fuck’s sake, Hunter! Could you try not to be so cynical for just one minute, please? If you still want me to sing my solo, I can do that. I don’t need a wheelchair; I can walk. Maybe I’m slower than usual, but I can walk! I could just show up for my solo and leave when it’s Blaine’s turn.”
“With those?” Hunter asks, nodding his head at Sebastian’s crutches leaning against the couch. “They’re not exactly a stylish accessory.”
“It’s still two weeks until Nationals, and I’m sure I’ll be able to walk without them then. Actually, I’m even planning on dancing at prom next weekend. I’ll make it work somehow.”
“You’ll still have to change the entire choreography. Not just for your solo,” Hunter says coldly.
“So be it,” Sebastian sighs, gazing at Blaine again. “What do you think, B?”
To Sebastian’s surprise, Blaine looks no longer angry but rather utterly disheartened, his head drooping and shoulders slumped. His voice sounds unfamiliarly lifeless as he replies, “I don’t know. I was really looking forward to Nationals, but...this sucks. I don’t mean the injury. Well, the injury sucks, too, but I mean these endless fights. I’m so sick of them.”
As Blaine briefly pauses to collect his thoughts, Sebastian braces himself for the worst. Somehow, Sebastian can tell by the look in Blaine’s eyes that he’s about to drop a bomb. He knows him that well by now. But what the hell is going on?
Regarding Hunter with a sad yet determined expression, Blaine continues, “If you don’t want me on the team anymore, it’s fine. The Warblers aren’t the only reason why I returned to Dalton, and transferring back here has already more than paid off for me. Some really good things have happened to me lately.”
Blaine and Sebastian’s eyes meet for a brief moment, and a fleeting smile flashes over Blaine’s face before his expression becomes serious again as he turns back to Hunter.
“The Warblers mean the world to me, but these constant fights with you have taken their toll on me. I’m sick and tired of arguing with you, and if these clashes are the price for being a Warbler, it’s just not worth it for me anymore. I’m aware that what Sebastian said was supposed to be an empty threat, but I really think I should quit.”
Completely taken aback by Blaine’s words, both Sebastian and Hunter are staring at him with their jaws dropped. Sebastian feels as if someone has just pulled the rug from underneath his feet. He can’t quite believe what he just heard because it sounded so utterly incredible...and incredibly wrong.
“Umm...I really didn’t mean what I said about us quitting,” Sebastian stammers, panic welling up inside him.
“I know, but I still think it’s the right thing for me to do,” Blaine says, oddly composed considering the gravity of the situation.
“But...but maybe you shouldn’t be making such an important decision on an empty stomach,” Sebastian suggests with a helpless chuckle, trying hard to sound lighthearted but failing miserably. “Maybe we should just go downstairs and have breakfast...”
Hunter finally snaps out of his state of paralysis too. “So this is how you’re trying to get back at me now, huh? But guess what! You’re not punishing me! Frankly, I couldn’t care less about you, but the others, they will suffer the consequences! You’re leaving the Warblers high and dry when they need you most! Yet again! How dare you?”
With an eerie tranquility, much like the calm in the eye of a storm, Blaine says, “I’ve always given the Warblers everything I’ve got. They know that. They know how much they mean to me, and I’m sure they’ll understand my decision. Because they also know how you talk to me...and what you think about me. They were there, too, at every single meeting. I’m sorry I offended you with my enthusiasm. It wasn’t personal. I didn’t mean to steal your thunder, and I truly didn’t want to be captain. I’m aware that I might have been a little too ambitious at times, but you...”
Blaine’s voice starts to tremble slightly as he is once again overcome with rage.
“You’re overambitious to a point where it starts to get creepy! Yeah, I heard about the steroids! That plan was even sicker than stealing the New Directions’ trophy to lure me back here! At this point, I think I made a huge mistake by joining the Warblers again. They aren’t what they used to be. And the sole reason for that is you! You should think long and hard about what was worse for the Warblers: me leaving or you joining them.”
Hunter appears to be so dumbfounded that he doesn’t even backfire when Blaine pauses. He’s simply gawking at him, opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish, incapable of uttering a single word. In any other situation, seeing Hunter in this state of disarray would be hilarious, but Sebastian can’t even really revel in it now because he’s basically feeling the same way.
“Anyway, I’m done,” Blaine continues, sounding perfectly composed again. “You made me rejoin the Warblers, and you’ve just made me leave them again. I guess it’s true what they say; you pull the strings around here now. But you know what? You’re not a true leader. At the end of the day, you’re just another bully.”
Sebastian is still staring at Blaine in utter disbelief. He feels like his entire world has just imploded. Like the plot has completely derailed. Blaine’s departure from the Warblers is so unexpected and incomprehensible that he just can’t make any sense of it.
But it really just happened, and Blaine is serious; Sebastian can see it in his eyes despite the façade of perfect composure. Those beautiful amber eyes are glowing, reflecting a myriad of emotions: anger, pain, disappointment, sadness...even relief. And before Sebastian or Hunter can say anything in return, Blaine suddenly whirls around and storms out of the room, leaving behind a thundering silence.
What happens next is more or less a reflex. It’s the only logical consequence.
“Count me out, too!” Sebastian announces, giving Hunter a bitter, resentful look. Without waiting for the doubtlessly vicious reaction, he grabs his crutches and spins on his good heel, rushing after Blaine as fast as his injury allows.
“Hey, Blaine! Wait up!” Sebastian shouts somewhat helplessly, at once frustrated with his unfamiliar slowness. Thankfully, Blaine stops before turning the next corner so that Sebastian can catch up with him.
As they continue walking downstairs in the direction of the dining hall, Sebastian asks in a hesitant tone, “Are you really sure about quitting? Don’t you think you might regret that move? I mean, you did just do it to piss Hunter off, didn’t you?”
“Yes, I am sure about it, and no, I did not just do it to piss Hunter off. I’ve been feeling bad about the situation for quite a while, and I probably should’ve quit sooner. After what had happened at my old school, I swore I’d never put myself through anything like that again. Hunter is a horrible person who thrives on hurting and humiliating others. He’s not just been picking on me but on the others too. Including you! It’s a shame that he hijacked the Warblers, but that’s the sad truth, and it’s better for me to remove myself from such a toxic environment before I lose my mind. So yeah, I’m positive I won’t regret my decision.”
“Ugh, okay,” Sebastian sighs, suddenly feeling a crushing sadness descend upon him. The Warblers mean the world to him, too. But Blaine is right. Hunter is like a bad apple that has spoiled the entire barrel. “Well, I just told him I’m done, too.”
Blaine momentarily stops dead in his tracks, looking surprisingly stunned. “Sebastian, please...I don’t want you to feel like you have to do this because of me. It’s bad enough that I made you join the soccer team. I really don’t wanna make you feel like you have to leave the Warblers because of me.”
Truth be told, Sebastian hasn’t thought his decision through. But competing at Nationals without Blaine is simply out of the question. It just feels wrong. And now that his foot is broken, he wouldn’t be able to show off his true talent anyway.
Sebastian draws a deep breath, trying to sound calm and convincing because he needs Blaine to believe him. “For the umpteenth time, it’s not a bad thing that you made me join the soccer team. Hunter only said that to piss you off - you know that! And about the Warblers...I just don’t wanna be a Warbler without you anymore.”
After a long moment of contemplation, Blaine’s tense expression slowly softens and melts into a sympathetic yet sad smile. “If this is how you really feel, I respect your decision.”
So that’s that. All of a sudden, completely out of the blue, Blaine and Sebastian are no longer Warblers.
And they haven’t even had breakfast yet.
The week leading up to prom is rather strange. Even though Sebastian temporarily feels as if the world has stopped spinning, it obviously hasn’t, and life goes on.
Following that consequential morning, Blaine and Sebastian’s unexpected resignation from the Warblers is the number one subject of conversation in Dalton’s hallways and common rooms for a day or two. Of course, it’s also the top issue on all show choir blogs. But it doesn’t take long until prom is the new hot topic at Dalton and the gossip about the Warblers’ imminent humiliation at Nationals has become stale and uninteresting; yesterday’s news. Sebastian wishes his grief over leaving the Warblers was just as fleeting as the other students’ attention.
Weirdly, Blaine seems to be in a great mood and doesn’t even so much as mention the Warblers. It’s as if Nationals had never been on his schedule. All he talks about is prom and college, and if he regrets his decision in any way, he’s hiding it perfectly. Considering his talent for acting, he may be secretly heartbroken, but there’s no way to tell.
Hunter’s tyranny must have been harder on Blaine than Sebastian had assumed. Maybe he should have known from the get-go that Blaine and Hunter wouldn’t be able to play on the same team. Now it seems obvious that Hunter’s scheme of luring Blaine back to Dalton had been doomed from the start, because they’re both leaders - but with completely different ideologies. Maybe it’s really better this way.
And yet, Sebastian has to repeatedly fight the urge to grab and shake Blaine and ask him if he’s really not sad at all, because Sebastian, for one, is pretty much devastated. After he’d transferred to Dalton, all he wanted was to leave the school as a Warbler legend one day, just like that guy everyone kept talking about - a boy called Blaine Anderson. But now, one rock salt Slushie and a broken foot later, Sebastian thinks it might be better and less shameful if he’s completely eliminated from the Warblers’ history altogether.
Instead of show choir fame, Sebastian got that legendary boy. And that’s obviously so much better. But Blaine is actually another reason why he’s feeling so bad about the situation. Sebastian truly enjoys singing and dancing; it’s a lot of fun. But he knows it means so much more to Blaine, who’s simply dripping with talent. His departure from the Warblers seems like a violation of the laws of nature. It’s utterly senseless and such a waste. And all because of...
Hunter Fucking Clarington. I’ll fucking kill you.
Then again, without Hunter, Blaine wouldn’t have returned to Dalton in the first place. Without him, Blaine and Sebastian probably wouldn’t be together now...
Confusing and conflicting thoughts like these keep tormenting Sebastian day and night. He desperately needs to focus on something better. Something nice.
Something like prom.
A satisfied grin crosses Sebastian’s face as he regards his reflection in the full-length mirror beside his bed. He looks sharp in his teal suit. The black dress shirt his mother recently bought for him goes perfectly with the bluish green color of the blazer. Now that he doesn’t have to wear the Dalton uniform for once, he’s opted not to wear a tie, although he’s not entirely sure if that was the right decision.
Sebastian has a hunch that Blaine will go for a little more than smart casual, but he doesn’t want to obsess too much over his outfit because his mind is already a hot mess. Going to prom with Blaine shouldn’t be a big deal, but somehow it is, and Sebastian can’t quite put his finger on the reason why.
He’s certainly not nervous because they’ll stand out as the only two boys dancing with each other. Sebastian loves being the center of attention. And he sure can dance - as it turns out, even with a broken foot. So the more eyes on him, the better.
Maybe he’s anxious because he wants this night to be perfect for Blaine and, admittedly, for himself as well. Now that they’ll no longer be participating in Nationals, prom will instead be the grand finale of their time at Dalton.
Blaine still claims that he doesn’t give a fuck about becoming prom king, but Sebastian doesn’t really believe that anymore, now that Principal Lee has changed the rules and two prom kings could be elected for the first time in Dalton’s history. It hadn’t been hard to convince her. Blaine had already been in her good books because of his outstanding performance with the Warblers, and then it turns out that she’s also a major soccer fan. So when Blaine finally asked her with that irresistible, passionate sparkle in his hazel eyes after having just scored a winning goal for Dalton, she simply couldn’t reject his request to make the rules for the prom election more LGBTQ-friendly despite the event being just one week away.
Principal Lee subsequently cut a deal with Crawford Country Day’s principal: This year, there won’t be two separate votes for prom king and queen. Students can only be nominated in pairs. Of course, most of those pairs consist of a Dalton boy and a Crawford girl, but there are also two lesbian (or bi?) couples at Crawford, who are thrilled about the new rule too.
Now that becoming prom kings is a feasible possibility, Sebastian really wants it to happen. That’s probably one of the reasons why he’s lately been feeling so restless. If they can’t win Nationals, maybe they can at least succeed in this election. And if the latest gossip is to be believed, Blaine and Sebastian have a real chance of winning.
Despite Blaine’s temporary absence, his popularity among the other Dalton students is soaring again, and the girls from Crawford Country Day have always loved him anyway. Luckily, the mere fact that Blaine and Sebastian are now a couple has also greatly improved the opinion other people have of Sebastian, because if Blaine loves him despite the Slushie attack, he can’t be such a bad person after all, can he?
Oddly enough, the speculation surrounding their decision to leave the Warblers just before Nationals seems to have added a certain air of mystery to Blaine and Sebastian’s image as well. They’re not only more popular but also more interesting than most other couples, so quite a few other students already consider them front-runners in the election.
On top of that, they’d practiced dancing all week long. Convinced that his broken foot is sufficiently stabilized and safely protected in his boot-like foot brace, Sebastian had popped a few pills, temporarily ditched the crutches, and learned how to perfectly balance his entire weight on his good leg and Blaine’s shoulder. That way, they actually managed to dance - not as energetically and gracefully as Sebastian would have been able to otherwise, but at least they found a way to take part in the event and even largely conceal his injury.
Blaine had initially been overly worried, of course, and repeatedly questioned whether dancing with a broken foot was a good idea. But the doctor had said the fracture was minor, and the truth is Sebastian would do just about anything to dance with Blaine at prom and win the election, including risking to fuck up his foot even more. So he’d also invested a lot of energy into convincing Blaine that he was fine and eventually succeeded in ignoring the wary looks of concern.
As Sebastian regards himself in the mirror, he starts to have second thoughts about his outfit. Should he maybe put on a tie after all? People might think he doesn’t take prom seriously if he’s not wearing one...
Get a grip, Sebastian scolds himself. He’s just spent half an hour coiffing his hair to perfection, and another twenty minutes simply putting on his pants because it required a good deal of finesse to pull the right pant leg over the foot brace. It sucks that he can only wear one of his black leather dress shoes, but at least the foot brace matches the color.
Sebastian has put a lot of thought into his outfit, so - tie or no tie - it’s gotta be enough. And now it’s too late to make any changes anyway because he’s already running late.
Grimacing at his annoyingly insecure reflection in the mirror, he shakes his head and reaches for the bottle of painkillers on the nightstand. After chugging down a couple of pills with a glass of water, he grabs his crutches and limps over to Blaine’s room, trying to give his right foot as much of a break as possible before the dance.
Knocking at Blaine’s door, he asks loudly, “Blaine? Are you ready?”
“Uuuhm, yeah!” Blaine’s voice sounds muffled through the closed door, but Sebastian can still hear the tension in it. When Blaine opens the door, the troubled expression on his face confirms that he’s indeed pretty stressed out, and yet...he looks stunning.
Sebastian’s mouth forms a dumbstruck “wow” as he takes a step back to take in the whole picture. Blaine is wearing an extravagant yellow suit over a navy knitted vest and a red and navy striped bow tie that looks as if it was made from the exact same material as the Dalton ties. His leather shoes are as glistening white as his dress shirt, and his hair is perfectly styled with just the right amount of gel. Sebastian has never before seen anyone look so flamboyant and elegant at the same time. He can’t help but think that Blaine looks like a total prince again. Or, no - more like a king.
“Do you think the color is a little too much?” Blaine asks with an insecure smile, nervously playing with his cuffs.
“Hell, no! If anyone can wear such a dashing suit, it’s you,” Sebastian reassures him with an affectionate chuckle. “Turns out you look fucking amazing in...wait, what shade of yellow is this? Honey? Amber?” Interestingly, those are the same words that come to Sebastian’s mind when he thinks of Blaine’s eyes, which are perfectly accentuated by the suit.
“It’s actually sunset yellow,” Blaine explains, his smile finally seeming more relaxed and relieved. “I bought it a while ago, thinking I’d wear it on a special occasion.”
“And going to prom with me is such a special occasion?” Sebastian grins.
“Absolutely,” Blaine affirms, sounding cheerful at last. “You have no idea how excited I am! As I said, I’ve been to school dances before...but this, with you, easily tops everything else!”
“Woah, no pressure! Now I feel like I don’t look glamorous enough,” Sebastian comments half-jokingly.
“Are you kidding me? You look incredible!” Blaine looks genuinely impressed as he checks out Sebastian’s outfit from head to toe. “I wouldn’t change a thing.”
“Don’t you think I should’ve put on the black suit and bow tie I wore at Mr. Schue’s wedding?”
“While I absolutely adored that outfit, I really like that we’re both wearing something more colorful today,” Blaine says with a happy smile, holding out his sleeve next to Sebastian’s. “I think these two colors look great together. And the dark teal is a great contrast to your light green eyes. I love it!”
Feeling rather silly now, Sebastian releases a relieved sigh. “So we were both freaking out over nothing.”
“That’s definitely Dalton’s fault,” Blaine chuckles. “I never felt insecure about my outfits at McKinley. But here, with the school uniform, you never have to think about what to wear, and it somehow feels like a big deal when you finally do.”
“Yeah, right. I’m very much looking forward to wearing my own clothes again soon. Although it’s weird to think that we’re never gonna wear that uniform again.”
“Mhm,” Blaine agrees, a frown suddenly darkening his face. His gaze drops to the floor for a moment. “Been there before, as you know...and it sure is weird. But I think I won’t be as sad this time. I always used to think of it as my Warbler outfit rather than a school uniform...” He draws a sharp breath and quickly changes the subject. “Anyway, I think we’re already running late. We should probably head downstairs.”
Now that Blaine has finally mentioned the Warblers after an entire week of carefully avoiding the subject, Sebastian instantly regrets that there’s no time to talk. Judging from Blaine’s somber expression, it’s obvious that he’s just as upset about leaving the Warblers as Sebastian. And even though Sebastian hates talking about his feelings, he still secretly hopes it might make them both feel better. Maybe they could even still change their minds and talk to Hunter again...
But Blaine has already rushed past Sebastian and is holding the door, prompting him to get going with a forced smile on his face. On the way to the gym where the dance has probably already started, Blaine returns to acting as if the Warblers don’t even exist, delivering a monologue about the songs he thinks the band will play. Meanwhile, Sebastian’s right hand keeps wandering up to his collarbone, where Blaine’s gift, the silver necklace with the little Warbler-shaped pendant, is hidden beneath his shirt.
Why doesn’t Blaine acknowledge that they’re both fish out of the water now? That it doesn’t even make sense for them anymore to put on the uniform in the morning? Because Sebastian agrees with Blaine on this point - it’s all about the Warblers, not Dalton.
Actually, fuck Dalton! Fuck this school that actively recruited a vicious bully from some dubious military academy who did nothing but ruin the Warblers...
...AND bring Blaine back. Fuck! Everything could’ve been so perfect. Why, Blaine? Why did you give up so easily? Why didn’t you keep fighting?
Sebastian tries his best to stop the vicious cycle of gloomy, contradictory thoughts in his head as they hurry through Dalton’s deserted hallways. It seems like all the other students are already at the dance, and the only person they see on the way outside is Hunter, of all people, whose mere presence immediately stirs up a new wave of anger in Sebastian. As soon as Blaine and Sebastian spot him exiting the main building through the back entrance, they stop dead in their tracks and only continue their way to the gym when he’s out of sight again. They’ve been keeping a safe distance from him all week, and the last thing they need now is a hostile confrontation, considering they’re already running late.
When they finally enter the gym, it’s bursting with people and noise, forming a stark contrast to the silent, empty school building. Sebastian takes a look around and barely recognizes the place. It’s lavishly decorated in navy and red - the colors of both Dalton and its sister school Crawford Country Day - with balloons, satin curtains, and a myriad of other items, most of them sparkling and expensive. There’s even a giant disco ball hanging from the ceiling, illuminating the dance floor below.
A large stage has been set up on the far side of the room, and a band, made up of boys and girls from both schools, is currently playing dance hits from the eighties. Near the entrance, there are several tables covered with red and navy cloth, generously set with a variety of drinks and snacks in jars and bowls.
Although Sebastian wishes he could have a cold beer or a shot of whisky to help clear his head and brighten his mood again, it looks like he’ll have to survive drinking Coke tonight. But after Blaine and Sebastian have clinked their glasses together and taken a sip of their drinks, Blaine opens his eyes wide in surprise.
“I think the punch is spiked,” he chuckles with an amused look at the glass with a slightly poisonous-looking red liquid in his hand.
“Oh, really?” Sebastian asks, immediately abandoning his glass of Coke on a nearby table and helping himself to some punch instead. “It definitely is,” he agrees after tasting it, clearly feeling the burn of alcohol on his tongue. “A big thanks to whoever came up with this glorious idea,” he grins, thinking it should have been his. Finally feeling optimistic again, he promises himself to forget about the Warblers and focus on his mission to become prom king instead.
After chatting with some fellow soccer players for a while, Blaine and Sebastian have to gather with the other nominated couples below the disco ball. It’s time to dance, and Sebastian braces himself. The combination of painkillers and alcohol isn’t ideal, and he’s already feeling a little woozy, but at least the pain is bearable. So he leaves the crutches behind and shifts some of his weight into his right arm and hand that’s firmly holding on to Blaine’s left shoulder.
The first song is a fast one - Walking on Sunshine by Katrina And The Waves - and Sebastian has serious trouble keeping up with the beat. But despite the pain and physical effort, he’s having fun because dancing with Blaine always feels special. Just like when they danced at Scandals, at The Monastery, and at Mr. Schue’s wedding, Blaine’s eyes are gleaming with joie de vivre and sass, and their bodies move together as if they’re one with the beat and melody.
But when the song is over and the band plays the first notes of a slower one, Blaine suddenly freezes.
Oh shit, Sebastian thinks as he recognizes the tune. It’s Somewhere Only We Know, the song Blaine was supposed to sing at Nationals before he gave up his fight against Hunter.
Sebastian immediately suspects it must have been Hunter’s idea to add the song to the setlist. It’s obviously another attempt at making Blaine feel like shit and putting him off his stride...and at ruining Blaine and Sebastian’s chance to become prom kings. Yeah, Hunter sure as hell asked the band to play that damn song.
Upon noticing Blaine’s upset expression, Sebastian’s gaze frantically searches Hunter. He quickly spots his new archnemesis dancing with a pretty Crawford girl nearby, wearing a malicious smirk on his face.
Sebastian momentarily shudders with rage. “I’m gonna crush that bastard!” he growls, trying hard to keep his voice low so that only Blaine can hear him.
“No!” Blaine retorts almost voicelessly, briefly closing his eyes and shaking his head. He then locks his gaze with Sebastian’s again and says with determination, “We can’t let him get through to us. As you reminded me a while ago, I like this song, and I can’t let the negative memories I associate with it drag me down. Let’s just keep dancing. I’ve been having so much fun so far, and I won’t allow anyone to spoil it. Especially not him.”
Surprisingly, Blaine already seems to have recovered his good spirits. A contagious, optimistic smile forms on his face that immediately affects Sebastian in miraculous ways. He instantly feels his anger fade away and is instead flooded with a soothing feeling of relief and contentment.
So they continue to dance, Blaine supporting a considerable amount of Sebastian’s body weight. And Sebastian knows all too well that Blaine is carrying so much more on his shoulders: horrible memories of bullies and prom nights gone wrong, as well as an excessive amount of self-blame for mistakes that cannot be undone and certainly also for leaving the Warblers again.
But Blaine has learned to bear that baggage with his head held high and a smile on his face. He’s no longer the broken boy who returned to Dalton in January. He was strong enough to stand up for himself for months, trying to help the Warblers succeed despite Hunter’s constant provocations. And yet he also knows when to withdraw in order to save himself; when it’s better to be the bigger person.
Suddenly, Sebastian realizes why Blaine hasn’t felt the need to talk about leaving the Warblers. Blaine is probably just as heartbroken as him, but he’s learned to trust his own instincts and be more self-reliant again. Sebastian hadn’t been able to understand how Blaine could accept his defeat so easily, but maybe Blaine’s decision was actually a victory for him. Leaving the Warblers was definitely a huge sacrifice, but by choosing to do so, Blaine managed to annihilate the power Hunter had over him. It’s a shame that there was no other way to achieve that, but Sebastian is also relieved that Blaine is finally putting his own sanity first after he’d been incapable of walking away from Hummel, the other tyrant in Blaine’s life.
But that doesn’t mean that Blaine is no longer a fighter. Here on the dance floor, in this race, he knows he can still win. So he keeps fighting despite Hunter’s attempt to sabotage him, determined to ignore the emotional pain, just like Sebastian is trying to ignore the pain in his foot.
“So you do wanna win this after all, huh?” Sebastian grins as their bodies are rocking from side to side together.
“I won’t be sad if we don’t, but I figure we have a realistic chance. Otherwise, Hunter wouldn’t have bothered to make this particular song request tonight,” Blaine says, smiling confidently. “I mean, we do make a nice couple, don’t we?”
“‘Nice’ is an understatement if you ask me,” Sebastian laughs. “We’re totally stealing the show!” He’s been feeling many eyes on Blaine and him. It’s nothing new. He’s used to it, and it’s usually a good sign.
“Ha, Prince!” Blaine comments with a grin when the band strikes up the third song, pulling Sebastian in for a slow dance. “Great choice!”
On the one hand, Sebastian is relieved about the slower pace because he can balance his entire weight on his good leg now, and his broken foot doesn’t have to suffer any longer. On the other hand, the song immediately shakes him to the core, and for a split second, he wonders if Hunter is responsible for putting this song on the playlist, too. That asshole probably heard it through the closed door of Sebastian’s room several months ago - over and over again.
As their bodies sway to the rhythm of the music in perfect harmony, Sebastian regards Blaine with an embarrassed smile, trying to decide whether he should confess how much the song means to him. “Umm, yeah...I love this song, too. But it’s also quite...uhm...stirring. I used to listen to it all the time after...umm...what happened...you know, with the Slushie.”
Blaine’s hazel eyes briefly open wide with surprise, but his smile doesn’t fade as he listens to the lyrics. “Isn’t it crazy how some songs can express our feelings better than we ever could? I mean...as you know, that’s what the playlist was all about.”
“Yep. I almost put it on the playlist I made for you, but then I thought...I really wanted to get over it somehow. It’s weird to be dancing to this song with you now.”
“No, it’s not weird at all. It’s actually fucking beautiful,” Blaine says with a flirtatious smile and joins in singing, “...let me guide you to the purple rain...”
They sing the last chorus in unison, dancing and laughing, and Sebastian quickly realizes that Blaine is right. He needs to take his own advice and overcome the negative memories he associates with the song, just like Blaine did. And it is indeed a tremendous quirk of fate that he gets to enjoy this song with Blaine on a special night like this. It is truly beautiful, and Sebastian suddenly even wishes he’d had the chance to sing it with the Warblers.
Half an hour later, the nominees have to gather onstage for the coronation, and Sebastian feels giddy with excitement. Dancing with Blaine has made him completely forget his negative feelings; the sadness, rage, and the pain in his foot. He’s perfectly happy, and at this point, he almost doesn’t even care about whether they’ll win or not. It’s been a wonderful night.
After several minutes, Principal Lee steps in front of the microphone in the middle of the stage, holding a golden envelope in her hands. “Listen up, everybody! It’s time for the coronation. The decision has been made,” she announces with a conspiratorial smile. “And it’s special in several ways. The winners earned a staggering seventy-four percent of the votes - a new record! And I’m happy to announce that both winners...oh no, I’m giving away too much now. I should keep up the suspense a little longer.”
She makes a long, theatrical pause, fanning air into her face with the envelope. The crowd quickly grows impatient, and several annoyed groans can be heard.
“Alright,” Principal Lee finally continues with a girlish chuckle, “let me tell you who will get to wear a crown for the rest of the night. This year’s prom king...” She pauses again for at least half a minute, provoking new complaints from the crowd. “This year’s prom kings are Blaine Anderson and Sebastian Smythe! Please give it up for our very first couple of prom kings!”
Before Sebastian has even started to process what’s happening, someone has placed a crown on his head, and Blaine - wearing the same golden crown with red and navy gemstones - throws his arms around Sebastian’s neck, apparently forgetting that his boyfriend has only one good leg to stand on. But what does it matter now? The pain doesn’t even register anymore. They fucking did it! They won!
The band starts to play REO Speedwagon’s Can’t Fight This Feeling, and the new prom kings are asked to dance one more time. They’re all alone on the dance floor this time; everyone else is standing in a big circle around them, watching, grinning, and cheering.
Sebastian keeps his eyes locked with Blaine’s as they dance, feeling almost drunk with happiness. But when he starts to pay attention to the lyrics, a lump forms in his throat. He quickly gulps it down and confesses in a low voice, “I used to think this was such a stupid song, but...fuck, this is yet another one that’s just so on point.”
At first, Blaine only responds with an affectionate, charming smile. Then he explains, “I heard it on the radio the other day, and it made me think of us. How I felt, and how you must’ve been feeling, too. I simply had to ask the band to play it because it’s rather slow and, yeah, on point. Another song written just for us.”
All of a sudden, Sebastian feels tears pooling in his eyes, which would have pissed him off royally in any other situation. But although he’s currently the center of everyone’s attention, he simply blinks them away and shakes the embarrassment off with a laugh. At this moment, as Blaine carries him through this dance, smiling at him with so much love in his eyes, Sebastian feels like they’re the only two people in the world anyway.
Just a few months ago, Sebastian wouldn’t have allowed himself to become so sentimental. He feels like he’s since broken out of a self-imposed cage. Romance was so not his thing, but it turns out, romance can be a lot more thrilling than a hookup. It’s crazy how much he’s changed in just a few months. He’s grown a lot, just like a plant that has been exposed to sunlight for the first time. Love has made him feel so vulnerable but also so much more alive. And all thanks to Blaine; his sun, his love, his king.
Every time Sebastian hears the word “forever” at the end of the chorus, it echoes in his mind like a spell. All of a sudden, he understands why people keep using this silly, unrealistic word. Because he doesn’t want this feeling to stop. He wants to be with Blaine for all eternity. And he wishes this dance could last forever too.
Although Sebastian doesn’t care much for PDA, he can’t help but close the short distance between their lips and surprise Blaine with a passionate kiss. Releasing his firm grip on Blaine’s shoulder, he instead wraps his arms around Blaine’s back and pulls him into a tight embrace.
Sebastian barely registers the loud cheering that has erupted all around them. It seems to be coming from very far away. Eyes closed, he feels and tastes nothing but Blaine, and the moment feels so intimate that they might as well be dancing up on a cloud in the night sky, surrounded by nothing but the moon and stars.
So this is what it feels like to be the King of Dalton. And honestly, the crown has nothing to do with it.
After the dance, Sebastian finally gets to sit down at a table, catch his breath, and rest his foot, which is throbbing weirdly by now. He’s soon surrounded by people who want to celebrate with him and Blaine; among others the entire soccer team, several Warblers, and also a few girls from the Drama Club who, ironically, seem to be most excited about the election of the two prom kings.
They spend the rest of the night drinking and chatting, and Sebastian is having a blast. He’s finally reminded that there’s much more to Dalton than just the Warblers and can’t help but wonder if he might end up missing the school after all.
Eventually, the band announces their last song, and Blaine and Sebastian return to the dance floor one last time. While Sebastian is still pondering whether another dance might be a bad idea as his foot is really hurting by now, they’re suddenly approached by Nick.
“Hey guys, you gotta hear this! Word is Hunter spiked the punch, and a junior ratted him out,” Nick informs them, buzzing with curious excitement. “Principal Lee is about to give him hell! I don’t know about you, but I don’t wanna miss out on that. I bet he can say goodbye to his college scholarship now.”
Exchanging quizzical looks, Blaine and Sebastian follow Nick back to the tables with the drinks and snacks. There are already quite a few spectators gathered around Hunter and Principal Lee. A short boy with a sardonic grin on his face, probably the snitch, is standing next to her. Sebastian is sure he’s seen him before and quickly realizes he’s the band’s guitarist.
“I saw him do it! It was definitely him!” the boy assures.
“When did it happen?” Principal Lees asks, regarding him with a stern gaze.
“About half an hour before the dance started, around seven-thirty. We had just begun our sound check. I’d forgotten my guitar picks and went to get them. That’s when I saw him.”
“Did anyone else see Hunter approach that table and pour something into the punch?” Principal Lee asks with a visibly incensed look on her face, pointing at the gigantic, almost empty bowl.
Most of the students shake their heads in unison, and a girl remarks, “We weren’t allowed to enter the gym before eight o’clock.”
“What about the members of the prom committee?” the Principal asks sharply.
A boy with flushed cheeks stammers, “We had a bit of a problem...with the crowns. It seems like someone...uhm...had misplaced them, and we were all busy looking for them.”
Seemingly both puzzled and outraged by the news, Principal Lee narrows her eyes dangerously. “Where were they?”
“In an empty locker,” the committee member says in a meek voice. “It was probably just a prank.”
“It’s true, there was nobody else around except the other band members onstage,” the snitch affirms, his voice shaking with excitement. “And they probably didn’t see him because they were busy setting up their instruments. But I saw him do it! He had a little flask and poured the contents into the bowl. Maybe he even stole the crowns and hid them to distract the committee!”
Hunter rolls his eyes as if he couldn’t care less about the boy’s accusations, but Sebastian can tell that he’s actually quite anxious. Pearls of sweat are forming on Hunter’s forehead, and there’s an unusual tension in his expression, revealing worry, maybe even fear. Stealing and hiding trophies is obviously his thing. Without a doubt, Hunter’s the culprit. And he finally has to pay for it.
“Bringing alcohol on Dalton’s premises is against school regulations. Exposing others to it without them even knowing - that’s a serious offense, possibly even assault! You know the consequences of such conduct, right? Immediate expulsion!” Principal Lee scolds in a harsh tone, addressing Hunter now. “If you did this, you won’t graduate, and you won’t go to college! This is very serious!”
Sebastian doesn’t even feel the least bit guilty about the mischievous thoughts popping into his mind. Nice, he thinks. So Nationals are over for that asshole, too. And the college scholarship...gone. Just what he deserved.
“That’s impossible, though,” Blaine suddenly objects. Removing the crown from his head with a swift motion of his hand, he fixes his gaze on the guitarist and continues, “You think you saw Hunter spike the punch about half an hour before the dance started? That’s not possible. Hunter was hanging out with me and Sebastian in the dorms around seven-thirty. He dropped by to ask me if he could borrow a bow tie and stayed to chat for a while. We were still in my room at the time, and he left only a few minutes before eight. He couldn’t have done it.”
For the second time in only one week, Sebastian feels as if Blaine has just blown his mind beyond repair. Once again, he’s completely dumbstruck and barely able to process what’s happening. His gaze jumps back and forth between Blaine, Principal Lee, and Hunter, who looks just as perplexed by the unexpected alibi as Sebastian.
Blaine, though, is wearing a poker face. Only Sebastian catches the apologetic, downright pleading glint in his eyes as he addresses him in a perfectly mellow voice.
“Isn’t that right, Sebastian?”
Chapter 15: King of the Warblers
Notes:
Hey, it’s me, nightbirdssidekick.
I know it’s crazy how long it took me to complete this fic. What can I say? Life simply happened. But I always felt that owed you and myself this ending — and most of all, I owed it to Sebastian!
If you read my updated last chapter of Bad Seeds, you already know that I’ve moved on. I’ve fallen in love with new characters and started to write stories about them. But I will always be sincerely grateful to you, Seblainers, for reading my fics and making me feel like there’s somebody out there who shares my passion and appreciates my writing.
That’s why I’d like to say THANK YOU to all readers, subscribers, kudos-givers, and especially to the people who shared their feelings in the comments. You were my fuel. I’ll miss you! ❤️
Chapter Text
If someone were to ask Sebastian how far he’s willing to go for Blaine, the answer would probably be quite shocking, especially for Sebastian himself. Because the truth is, he’d basically do anything for Blaine Devon Anderson. He simply can’t think of a single thing he wouldn’t do.
And even now, after Blaine has just dragged him into a blatant lie to save Hunter Clarington, of all people, Sebastian can’t help but support him. Follow him blindly. Believe that Blaine has a good reason for his surprising move, even though part of Sebastian is utterly outraged by it. Sebastian’s former self would have laughed and pitied him for such seemingly subservient, dog-like behavior. But now he’s glad that he has found someone he can trust so unconditionally.
“Yep, that’s correct,” Sebastian confirms Blaine’s statement regarding Hunter’s whereabouts at the time of the crime. “And if you ask me, Hunter should be damn grateful to Blaine for lending him that bow tie because it really saved his look tonight,” he adds casually, eying Hunter with an ice-cold glare.
Principal Lee takes a good long look at Blaine, Sebastian, Hunter, and the guitarist. Finally, she exhales a shuddering sigh. “Alright. If anyone else had told me that story, I would’ve suspected they were in cahoots with Hunter. But I believe you, Blaine. Well, if anybody has any hints that might help find the true culprit, please don’t hesitate to talk to me. Dalton does not tolerate such behavior!” she emphasizes in a sharp tone. Before she leaves, she punishes Hunter with one last angry glance and hisses, “You should really thank Blaine for standing up for you.”
When the curious crowd disperses, Blaine nods at Sebastian and Hunter, prompting them to follow him into the empty locker room. As soon as the door is closed, Hunter verbalizes the same question that’s on Sebastian’s mind.
“Why the hell did you do that?”
Blaine faces the taller boy with his head held high. He looks confident and proud, just like a king, even though he’s no longer wearing his crown. It’s a stark contrast to the insecure boy who’d arrived at Dalton back in January thinking everybody hated him.
“We all make mistakes,” Blaine explains calmly. “I just didn’t think you deserved to be kicked out of school for what you did. And I suppose we all enjoyed the punch a little more than we would have otherwise.”
Huffing, Hunter lowers his gaze to the floor, visibly uncomfortable and torn between his usual obnoxiousness and the gratitude he now owes to his adversary. Sebastian thinks he can even hear the grinding of the wheels at work in Hunter’s head as he tries to decide what to do. Drops of sweat are glistening on his forehead again.
Eventually, Hunter forces himself to look Blaine in the eyes again. “Okay, you just saved my ass – big time. Suppose I came pretty close to losing...pretty much everything. I don’t really know how to make up for this, except...” He pauses because the words he’s about to say seem to hurt him quite a bit. “I’ll step down as the captain of the Warblers. Actually, I’ll quit entirely. You can go back and join them. Both of you.”
Taken aback, Sebastian chuckles in disbelief, while Blaine raises his eyebrows almost to his hairline in surprise.
“That wasn’t my intention,” Blaine clarifies, matter-of-factly. “As I said, I helped you because I thought it was the right thing to do. I already made my decision about the Warblers.”
Hunter releases an annoyed sigh. “I know, but I’m sick of them! The last few meetings were hell! All we did was argue. Nationals are only one week away, and so far we’ve achieved nothing. Frankly, I don’t even want to be anywhere near the Warblers when they humiliate themselves at Nationals. So yeah, do whatever you want. I couldn’t care less.”
“The captain abandons the sinking ship. What a classy move,” Sebastian mocks him. He just can’t help it.
“Screw you, Smythe! You got what you wanted, didn’t you? So leave me the fuck alone!” Hunter snaps defensively.
In a way, Sebastian has to agree with him. He has Blaine. And now it even looks like they’re going to be Warblers again because Clarington is chickening out. Nevertheless, Sebastian makes a conscious decision not to thank him. That would be overkill, considering that Hunter has always only acted out of self-interest anyway. He’s leaving the show choir because he doesn’t want to make a fool of himself, not because he wants to do Blaine, Sebastian, or the Warblers a favor.
“Well, we can’t simply decide for ourselves that we’ll rejoin the Warblers,” Blaine says skeptically. “But we can ask them to put it up for an official vote at the meeting tomorrow.”
“For fuck’s sake, Blaine!” Hunter grunts, rolling his eyes. “I spiked the punch so people like you would stop acting so damn uptight! Haven’t your buddies told you what happened at the last meeting? They already made it very clear that they want you to be their captain instead of me. Feel free to restore democracy among the Warblers starting tomorrow, but as long as I’m captain, I call the shots. So let this be my last act in office. Blaine Anderson, I hereby appoint you as the new captain of the Warblers. Do you accept?”
Blaine is visibly stunned by the sudden offer. “Yeah...I mean, yes, I do.”
“Fine. And now I’m officially stepping down. Over and out.” Hunter spins on his heels to leave the room, but just before he’s out of the door, he pauses and turns to face Blaine again with an unfamiliar sheepish expression. “One more thing. Uhm...I meant to tell you...nice suit. Sunset yellow, huh?”
Before Blaine can react to the unexpected compliment, Hunter storms out of the locker room and slams the door behind him, leaving Blaine and Sebastian behind with their jaws dropped.
For a few seconds, they simply stare at the closed door in surprise before Sebastian bursts out laughing with a pleasant mixture of relief and amusement. “Holy shit! What was that?”
“I don’t know,” Blaine mumbles, shaking his head in disbelief.
Sebastian regards him with a satisfied smirk. “That was a damn clever move, babe.”
A frown appears on Blaine’s face. “I really didn’t help him so he would make me captain of the Warblers! I had no idea this would happen!”
“Okay, okay, I believe you. Anyway, it’s freaking awesome! Now you’re the king of Dalton and captain of the Warblers.”
A bashful smile forms on Blaine’s face. “Yeah, that’s...kinda crazy.”
“You deserve it, babe.” He really does.
It still bugs Sebastian that his own farewell from Dalton will definitely turn out less spectacular than he would have liked it to be due to his injury. But at least Blaine will leave his legacy, and Sebastian is extremely proud of him. That’s a pretty good feeling too.
And after all, they’ve just been elected prom kings together. So who knows, maybe they can find a way to succeed at Nationals together, too, despite Sebastian’s broken foot.
At the Warblers’ meeting the following afternoon, Blaine and Sebastian receive a warm welcome back. As it turns out, Hunter wasn’t lying about the other members’ wish to have Blaine as their new leader. Of course, he still insists in an official vote, but it only confirms that he’s the new captain of the show choir, while Sebastian is asked to be their lead choreographer again.
As expected, the week before Nationals is a real challenge. The Warblers meet every day after class and rehearse until late at night. Now that Blaine and Sebastian are back, they can revisit some parts of their original plans for the setlist, but Hunter’s solo has to be replaced and Sebastian’s injury considered.
The Warblers unanimously decide to put all of their trust in Blaine and convince him to sing three solos: Don’t Stop Me Now by Queen, Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears, and, last but not least, Keane’s Somewhere Only We Know.
Since Sebastian’s foot is feeling a bit worse again after putting too much strain on it at prom, he mainly directs the Warblers’ choreography while sitting on one of the maroon leather couches. It sucks that he can’t give them more support and dance with them, but he’ll do whatever he can.
Carefully observing Blaine as they practice Somewhere Only We Know, Sebastian realizes that something is wrong with him. Although he seems to have overcome his initial resistance to the song, he doesn’t look happy at all.
“What’s up, Blaine? Are you still not feeling good about singing that song?” Sebastian asks, taking Blaine aside during a break.
“No, it’s just...I really wish I could sing it with you. As a duet.”
The hope glimmering in Blaine’s hazel eyes is so touching that Sebastian really doesn’t want to crush it, but...
“What about my foot? We all agreed that I won’t join you on stage this time. And I’m fine with that, even if it sucks.”
“It will be our last performance as Warblers,” Blaine argues, regarding Sebastian with a pleading look. “It simply feels so wrong to do it without you. To be honest, I’ve always wanted to sing a duet with you. And this song...you know how much I struggled with the idea of singing it. But singing it with you would really change its meaning to me. Please, Sebastian! You don’t have to dance at all. I don’t care if you use your crutches or if we put a chair in the middle of the stage for you. I just want to do this together because that’s how I want to remember our time as Warblers. As something we shared. Something that connected us. After all, the Warblers are the reason we met.”
The passion blazing in Blaine’s amber eyes melts all of Sebastian’s doubts in an instant. He’s right. Sebastian would probably forever regret sitting out on this one. He promised the doctor not to strain his foot again, but he’s positive they can find a way to make it work.
“Alright. I’ll do it. But definitely without the crutches. If Hunter was ever right about anything, it was that they really aren’t a stylish accessory,” Sebastian chuckles.
“Hey, guys!” Blaine exclaims to get everyone’s attention. With a triumphant smile, he announces, “I just convinced Sebastian to sing Somewhere Only We Know with me as a duet. I think it will take our show to a whole new level. Are you okay with that?”
Fortunately, the group nods in agreement.
“Great,” Blaine grins. “But I really don’t want him to hurt his foot again, so he needs a place to sit. Maybe a normal chair would be weird, but...I was thinking, how about we bring in a piano with two piano stools? I could accompany myself on the piano at the beginning of Don’t Stop Me Now. And Sebastian could just remain seated in front of the piano the entire time and sing all of the songs with us. I know we’re an a cappella group, but I think a piano could make for a cool addition. We could even incorporate it in the choreography somehow.”
After thoughtfully regarding the grand piano in the corner of the common room, Nick and Jeff nod in unison. “I could see how that might work,” Jeff says, and Nick adds, “Yeah, we could even include a few stunts in the choreography. Climb on top of it, jump down, or something like that.”
Blaine looks at Sebastian with a contented smile. “So? Would that work for you?”
“I guess,” Sebastian says, pensively pressing his index finger against his chin. “That would mean we’ll have to change the choreography again, but...of course, I’d like to be on stage and sing with you. Especially the duet.”
“Perfect! I could even teach you to play a few notes, piano man,” Blaine suggests cheerfully, winking at Sebastian. After a brief look at the grandfather clock in the corner — it shows 11 PM — his expression turns serious again, determined. “Alright, we need to finish the new choreography for Don’t Stop Me Now within the next two hours. Let’s go!”
Although Sebastian hears a few tired groans, the Warblers do what Blaine asks of them without any hesitation. They all want to get it right. They want to
win.
And although they’re still a far cry from perfection, Sebastian really thinks they have a fair chance of making it happen. After all, the boy at the center of it all is obviously in top form.
“Tonight, I’m gonna have myself a real good time
I feel ali-i-i-ive...”
The crowd already goes wild after the first few lines of their opener, Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now. Blaine radiates an incredible energy, conveying the song’s upbeat message with every motion and line that he sings. The Warblers’ voices in the background resonate in perfect harmony as if they had practiced the song for ages and not just for a couple of days.
Their choreography is fast, like the song, and Sebastian is really happy that he got to include a prop in the choreography. Some of the more athletic guys, like Nick and Jeff, jump over the piano, do backflips and other cool moves that wouldn’t have been possible without it.
And Sebastian is even happier that he can be on stage with his friends at this most important moment. He’s thrilled to be able to exchange glances with Blaine and watch his stunning performance from up close. Although he would love to be dancing with the others, it’s also interesting to see his choreography from another perspective for once. And having to remain seated during the performance has the pleasant side effect that he doesn’t sweat in his uniform this time.
Everybody Wants to Rule the World is just as well-received by the audience as their first song. Of course, Blaine delivers, and even the judges are on their feet dancing to the 80s favorite. But the undisputed highlight of the show, the performance everyone will be talking about later, is Blaine and Sebastian’s duet.
It’s dark in the auditorium; the spotlight focuses only on Blaine standing alone in the far corner of the stage.
“I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand...”
As Blaine sings the first lines of the song, his velvety voice is dripping with emotion. He begins to slowly wander towards Sebastian while the spotlight follows him, gradually getting brighter until the whole stage is illuminated again.
After coming to a halt right in front of Sebastian, Blaine holds out his hand to him and pulls him up on his feet, singing right at him. The passion in Blaine’s eyes, his voice, and his touch is electrifying and sends a rush of adrenaline and endorphins through Sebastian’s entire body.
As Sebastian joins in on the chorus, he’s glad that he still has a few seconds to collect himself before he’ll sing his solo verse because his voice is shaking a little. Boy, did he underestimate the impact singing with Blaine would have on him. He hadn’t expected to suddenly feel so overwhelmed with emotions. It’s their first duet in front of an audience and their very last song as Warblers. Sharing this moment with Blaine now means so much more to him than he thought. He’ll have to thank him again for this brilliant idea.
Fortunately, Sebastian nails the second verse and feels a lot more composed towards the end of the song. As they sing the last chorus together, he simply savors this very special performance with each and every fiber of his being.
When the Warblers bow to the audience in perfect synchrony after their performance, they’re showered in roaring applause.
“That was the most fun I’ve ever had!” Blaine declares, barely audible over the loud cheering all around them. He’s wearing his most dazzling smile that never fails to turn Sebastian’s brain into goo.
“Yeah, that was insane!” Sebastian agrees, grinning from ear to ear as he pulls Blaine in for a tight embrace. “You were fucking amazing! I have a hunch that the rest of the show will be pretty boring. It’s so obvious who’ll win this thing.”
Sebastian is sure they’ve done it. And even in the unlikely event that they don’t get to take the trophy home, he’s never felt more like a winner in his entire life.
“And the winner is...”
As always, the judge draws out the announcement unnecessarily long, keeping all competing teams trembling with excitement.
“...the Dalton Academy Warblers! Congratulations to our new National Champions!”
Nick, Jeff, David, Trent, Thad, Beatbox, and the others immediately burst into cries of victory, falling into each other’s arms. Blaine is at the center of it all, and for a moment, Sebastian is worried that the other Warblers might crush him with their combined weight. Finally, Blaine fights his way through the crowd to Sebastian and flings his arms around his neck, pulling him into a heated kiss.
“Congratulations, champ!” Blaine purrs with a smile as bright as the sun.
“Same to you,” Sebastian grins, feeling like he’s bubbling over with glee. Winning Nationals is only part of the reason for his exuberant joy. Seeing Blaine so deliriously happy and fulfilled is even more important to him. It’s simply the best thing ever.
When the new champions return to the backstage area, their parents are already waiting for them, and they receive heartfelt hugs and kisses from Martine, Pam, and Leonard. Sebastian feels a weird little tug in his stomach as he sees Todd looking at his son as if he’d just saved the world. His typically serious eyes fill with happy tears as he pulls Blaine in for a warm embrace.
All of a sudden, a tall, handsome guy in his mid-twenties with a smug grin plastered on his face approaches Blaine and pats his shoulder. For a split second, Sebastian is struck by a pang of jealousy before he recognizes the blue-eyed, brunette man. He has seen him before in photographs at the Andersons’ house.
Whenever Blaine had mentioned his older half-brother, he made it sound like they didn’t get along all too well. Sebastian is therefore rather relieved to see that Cooper Anderson seems to be just as proud of Blaine as everybody else. He watches with an amused grin as the brothers’ conversation turns into good-natured banter and giddy laughter. He’ll make sure to talk to Cooper at the victory party to get to know him personally. Somehow he has the feeling he might even have a few things in common with that obvious show-off.
Numerous family members and friends of the Warblers approach Sebastian and congratulate him on his fantastic performance and the well-deserved title. But he’s grateful for every moment that he can simply watch Blaine beaming with bliss.
Even though it seems to take an eternity, Blaine eventually appears in front of him with a radiant smile, placing his hands on Sebastian’s hips. “Wow, this is absolutely incredible! You know, I really wonder if it would’ve been like this every year...if I hadn’t left Dalton.”
“Probably. Maybe we should’ve flunked finals so we could’ve stayed with the Warblers for another year,” Sebastian jokes.
Bursting into a cheerful, musical laugh, Blaine shakes his head decisively. He leans into Sebastian, stretching himself to bring his lips close to Sebastian’s ear, and whispers, “Nah, I’m ready for the next chapter...with you.”
If Sebastian’s life were a book or some silly TV show, this perfect day would make for a great happy ending. But luckily it’s not. There will be many more days like this one, he’s sure. He’ll move to New York and go to college. He’ll make it big...or not. Right now, that doesn’t really matter so much to him.
What matters is that Sebastian will be with this golden boy. The one who made him suffer like no other. Who drove him to the brink of insanity. Who actually pushed him off that brink, just to catch his fall. Who taught him how to love and trust despite his severe doubts.
Blaine Anderson has recently collected many official and unofficial titles: captain of the Warblers, savior of the soccer team, prom king, and national show choir champion. King of the Warblers should be added to that list as well because that’s how he’ll be remembered at Dalton.
But to Sebastian, he’ll also always be something else entirely...
A killer.
Because Blaine can take his breath away with as little as a fleeting, flirtatious smile. He has the power to burn him with just one searing touch and slay him with his kindness. And he mercilessly stole something vital from Sebastian without any intention of ever giving it back: his heart.
That’s fine though. He can keep it. Sebastian is dead certain it’s in the very best hands.
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