Chapter Text
~Year 848~
Levi slipped into the back of the classroom, hoping to go unnoticed. He locked eyes with Shadis but the man didn’t pause his drab lecture. Some members of the 104th trainee corps were listening intently, while others seemed ready to doze off at any second. Faint morning light filtered across the rows of desks as the commander spoke.
“If you ever get stranded outside of the walls, you are to fire a flare from the gate,” he said, holding up a typical, Survey Corps grade flare gun. “There, the Garrison will determine if it is safe to open the door and let you back in.”
None of the cadets seemed to think it was very likely that they’d get stranded outside the walls. Perhaps they had a point. Once separated from the rest of the scouts, you may as well get a head start digging your own grave. Levi was sure most of them had no intention of joining the Survey Corps anyways. Still, Erwin had asked him to watch the cadets today and scout for any promising recruits, so he would listen even if most of the cadets weren’t.
“Has anyone actually survived being stranded outside before?” A girl in the front asked- Mikasa Ackerman, Levi remembered.
“Yes, but not many do. If you get stranded you are pronounced dead until proven otherwise since the fatality rate is so high.” He waved his hand dismissively, before adding with obvious haste, “Now, if there are no more questions, I’ll move on.”
Levi fought the urge to roll his eyes. Shadis was blatantly uncomfortable with the topic and made a poor effort to hide it. He leaned forward, wondering if any of the cadets would pick up on his hesitation. Reading people is a good skill to have, even if you’re going to be fighting titans and not humans.
The blonde in the front row, Armin Arlert, began to raise his hand, but the brunette next to him spoke first without permission. “What’s the record for how long someone has been outside the walls?”
Shadis sighed, and finally gestured to Levi. The cadets all turned to follow his gaze, a murmur undulating through the room as they saw Levi sitting in the back row. Apparently, none of them had noticed him enter.
“Care to answer Jaeger’s question?” Shadis asked dryly.
“You seem to be doing a great job on your own,” Levi replied, his tone equally icy. “I wouldn’t want to disturb your class.”
Shadis bristled; Levi knew he hated this topic, but he pushed his anger down and turned back to the class. Levi was almost disappointed that he was unable to provoke him.
“As I’m sure you all know, this is Captain Levi. He has come to watch your training today- please pay him no mind. As for your question Jaeger, most of the time, people are only outside the walls for an hour or two. Any more than that and their chance of survival is basically zero.”
Disappointment flicked through Eren’s green eyes- a couple of hours wasn’t very interesting, but it made sense. “However,” Shadis said, and Eren looked back up at him quickly, “there is one exception. Captain Levi holds the record of being stranded for five days.”
The class erupted into astonished chatter, their eyes on Levi as they talked in awe and admiration to each other. Levi scowled.
When they had settled down, Shadis spoke again. “It wasn’t just him, though. He was stranded with Erwin Smith, the current Commander of the Survey Corps. Although at the time, I think Levi was a cadet and Erwin was captain. I believe I have their report on file in my office. If you spare me a moment, I can fetch it for you.”
Levi scoffed. “Why the fuck do you have Survey Corps documents in your office?”
“It’s a duplicate,” Shadis said nonchalantly, like he was talking about having a copy of the morning paper. “I like to look at it from time to time and wonder what actually happened out there.”
Levi’s eyes narrowed, but besides that, he remained completely stoic. The cadets had fallen completely silent, not wanting to get caught in the crossfire of their commander’s figurative scuffle with Humanity’s Strongest.
“What is important is in that report. Erwin and I didn’t make any secret pacts to overthrow the monarchy if that’s what you’re worried about. We spent five days in hell, of course we don’t want to talk about it.”
Shadis shook his head but said nothing more, quietly padding out of the room to fetch the file. There was a pause before Armin bravely spoke up.
“Captain Levi, what would you advise someone to do if they got stuck outside like you did?”
Levi rested his head in his palm, thinking, his legs crossed comfortably. He would have to remember that Armin seemed to be able to find merit even in a situation as uncomfortable as this.
“Your first priority should be getting back to the gate. But if you can’t, your second priority is conserving gas. Third is water. Fourth is food and sleep. There’s plenty of animals and you can find fish in some of the water.” Levi shook his head, remembering.
“Also, for sleep, find the highest branch possible, out of sight from the titans. You don’t want to get killed in your sleep but you also don’t want them to be below you when you wake up. If you’re going to sleep, attach the hooks of your ODM gear to the branch so you don’t fall.”
The cadets nodded grimly just as Shadis reentered the room. “Here it is. Shall I read it for you?” He asked, looking pointedly at Levi. Without waiting for a response, he continued, his voice dripping with scorn and satire.
“Captain Erwin Smith and Cadet Levi, no surname, spent five days outside of the walls without the rest of the scout regiment. They survived by employing basic survival skills, and their combined titan kill count is unsure but suspected to be around twenty-five. The discovery of an abandoned wagon of gas aided in their survival. As of the time this document was signed, Smith and Levi hold the record for the longest time spent beyond the walls.”
Shadis slammed the paper down on Levi’s desk in frustration, making the cadets jump. “That’s it? Four sentences for five whole days spent outside the walls? Erwin is a great Commander, but--”
“But what?” Levi said, his tone quietly threatening as he stood, his hand resting on the file. He was shorter than Shadis, much shorter, but his presence was electric and almost tangible. The air became suffocating and Shadis took an involuntary step backward. He had seemed to forget the power behind Levi's small stature, strength rippling through his muscles as everyone in the room was reminded of his capabilities. He remembered now, why Erwin had been so adamant to pull him from the Underground.
When Shadis didn’t speak, his mouth opening and closing like he couldn’t decide what to say, Levi scoffed and snatched the file from the desk. “I’ll put this away for you. You have a class to teach.”
~Year 844~
~Day 1~
It was raining. Why is it always fucking raining? It was pouring down in white sheets, the wind buffeting his face and threatening to throw him from his horse. His skin stung from the pressure of the water against it and his cape had been torn from his shoulders long ago.
“This mission has gone to shit, Erwin!” Levi yelled over the onslaught, and somehow Erwin heard him, riding up a little closer without breaking formation. Or at least, what they vainly hoped was formation- it was impossible to see anyone else. “We need to turn back or it’ll end up like last time!”
Erwin nodded grimly. “Unfortunately that’s not my call. It’s ultimately Commander Shadis’s decision whether or not we die here.”
Levi huffed in indignation but turned back to look in front of him. He squinted ahead, hoping to see anything through the haze. His heart pounded in his chest and he could feel the blood pulsing through his veins. This had gone terribly wrong; his instincts were chanting like a mantra in his head.
Run.
Run.
Run.
But run where? His hands itched to move but he could barely see two meters in front of him- there was no knowing where safety was. Still, the chant pounded in his head until it was all he could hear, repeating again and again, and it took all his self-control to keep his pace.
Run.
Run.
Run.
“Levi!”
Suddenly Erwin’s voice sounded scared as it cut through the chorus in his head, and his whole world jerked to the right. Erwin? Scared? That can’t be right. Massive jaws closed inches from his head as he tumbled to the ground, his horse crying out in pain beneath him. There was a whoosh of ODM gear as Erwin flew off of his horse. Levi rolled and quickly jumped to his feet, the titan who had almost killed him now focused on Erwin.
Spotting his opening, Levi slashed the titan’s eyes. It screamed, and Erwin used its blindness to cut out its nape, its body thudding heavily to the ground. Its blood steamed and hissed in the freezing rain, but the titan itself made no further sound.
“Fuck, that was close,” Levi said, wiping boiling blood from his face. “What the hell happened?”
Erwin sighed. “I only saw the titan at the last second. I couldn’t get up and kill it in time so I needed to move you out of the way of it. My only options were to stick my grapple in you or in your horse, so I aimed for your horse.”
Levi stared down at his horse. It was laying on its side, still alive but barely. It had gotten caught in the fight with the titan and now it had a massive, ragged gash down its side. Its blood was being washed away by the rain, but Levi could see gruesome insides of the horse that he was sure were not supposed to be outside.
Tentatively, he walked over and cut the horse’s throat. It spasmed for a second before going still.
“A quick death is better than a long, agonizing one. That was a good choice, Levi,” Erwin said calmly, walking over to him.
“You killed my fucking horse,” he muttered, and Erwin sighed.
“I didn’t kill your- whatever, we don’t have time for this. Come on, let’s…” Erwin trailed off, looking around them. “Levi, where’s my horse?”
Levi looked at him incredulously before snorting. “Serves you right.”
“What? Levi, I would have let you ride with me on my horse! Now we’re--!”
“Oh.”
Erwin put his hand over his forehead, thinking. “Let’s spread out and try to find it. I’ll whistle for it even though it probably won’t be able to hear. Stay within sight of me and yell if you find a titan.”
Levi nodded and started to scan the area. He glanced over his shoulder to find that Erwin had already disappeared into the downpour. “Ah, fuck, Erwin!” He yelled, turning back and walking towards where the man used to be.
“Levi! I’m here,” Erwin said, emerging from the sheets of rain and placing his hand on Levi’s shoulder. He stiffened, not used to the touch, but figured they would probably lose each other again if Erwin let go.
“What the fuck do we do?” Levi asked.
“Well- okay, look at your horse. I saw it fall, and the way its head is facing is the way we were going: away from the wall. Unless the titan moved it when its nails scraped it. Then it doesn’t tell us anything. But from the way the blood is pooling around it on the grass instead of smeared in one direction, we can assume the titan didn’t move it. Unless, of course, the rain has already washed away the trail.”
Levi nodded. It was better than nothing. “Okay, so we walk where its ass is pointing, back towards the wall.”
“No, we need to go the opposite direction.”
“What?!”
“I- we’re just standing here waiting to be killed right now. Normally I’d just order you to come with me but I’m not confident myself so we ought to talk this through.”
Erwin released his grip on Levi’s shoulder in favor of turning them both around, their backs pressed together so they could look out into the haze and watch for titans while they talked. Levi’s backward sword grip made it so that his blades hung protectively on either side of Erwin, just below the man’s own swords. Erwin was warm, and Levi shivered, inadvertently leaning into him as he realized how cold he was.
“Here’s what I’m thinking: we’re probably about ten kilometers from the walls right now. In that distance, I don’t recall passing many trees or places to use ODM gear properly. But ahead of us, there were supposed to be large trees where we would regroup. Without horses I doubt we’ll make it in time to meet up with Shadis, if he hasn’t turned around already, but we’ll have a better chance of survival there while we wait out the storm.”
Levi nodded vigorously. A shitty plan was better than no plan, and the adrenaline coursing through his veins told him that he’d be able to execute even the riskiest of Erwin’s ideas.
“Okay, sure. Let’s go.”
They moved at a brisk walk in the direction they hoped would lead them to the treeline, trying to keep an eye on their surroundings. It should be about midday, but the sky was grey, almost black with rain clouds.
This day was so jarringly similar to the day of his first expedition. What would Isabel and Farlan say if they saw him here, struggling through the rain, about to die the same way they did? Images of Isabel’s disembodied head and Farlan’s torso flashed unwarranted through his mind. He had made sure that the titan responsible died painfully and slowly. He wondered if that titan would laugh now, if titans were even capable of doing so. Erwin’s gasp next to him yanked his thoughts back to the present as the blonde narrowly stepped out of the way of a titan’s hand.
“Fuck, I didn’t see it!” Levi yelled and sprang into action. After a quick struggle, the titan fell and they trudged onwards. Cold rain washed the hot blood from their faces, but the mud clung desperately to them.
Levi found the tree by almost running into it.
“Fuck, Erwin! A tree! I’ve never been more excited to see a tree!”
Erwin laughed, actually laughed at their luck, before his eyes caught something else and he gestured for Levi to follow him into the foliage.
“A cave? Erwin… I’m not sure if we should stay on the ground.”
Erwin glanced at him, his expression unreadable. “Your skin is quite literally turning blue, Levi. We either die of hypothermia in the trees or we take a chance with this cave. The mouth is too small for most titans, so we’ll only be dealing with 3-meter classes. Fighting in a cave isn't ideal but it’s better than fighting in the rain when we can’t see them until they’re half a meter away. This way we have some sort of warning.”
Levi nodded, his hesitation evaporating all at once, and practically dragged Erwin to the cave.
Once inside they sank to their knees, coughing up water. Erwin leaned forward onto his hands, a shaky sigh leaving his body before he stood. He bent forward, offering Levi his hand to help himself up. Levi simply glared at it, standing on his own, and Erwin retracted his hand, unfazed and unsurprised. Together they stared into the blackness of the cave, wondering what may await them.
“We need a fire, or we’ll freeze,” Levi said simply.
“Yes,” Erwin agreed. “What do you think are the chances of finding wood that’ll burn?”
“Low. Very low.”
Erwin shrugged off his cape, letting it drop to the floor as he walked further into the cave. Levi drew his blades again, prepared to guard the entrance when something caught his eye.
“Holy shit, we got so lucky. Where has all this luck been the rest of my life? Erwin, come look at this.”
He stopped his amazed rambling and pointed with his sword at the large bush growing just inside the entrance of the cave. They had missed it on their original entrance, trying to avoid the downpour. It was dying, its wood dry and brittle, safe from the rain outside.
“Levi,” Erwin breathed, unable to comprehend their luck either and substituting Levi’s name for a cuss word he so desperately wanted to use.
“I have a lighter on me. Grab some branches and try to build a simple A-frame fire,” Erwin commanded.
Levi nodded his understanding, building the fire as close to the entrance as he dared so that the smoke could leave the cave.
The fire caught easily, and Levi sighed contently. He sat watching the rain as Erwin sat down next to him.
“We might have to worry about flooding,” Erwin stated grimly, and Levi groaned. He leaned back on the ground, for once not caring if he got dirty as exhaustion took over.
“I wonder if the rest of the Survey Corps will survive this,” Levi said drearily.
“Who knows. I wonder if we’ll survive.”
“Fair enough. It would suck, though, if you didn’t have a Corps to be the commander of.”
Erwin glanced at him, something unreadable flickering through his eyes before he looked away again.
“I’m not Commander.”
“Not yet.”
Erwin stared into the fire, seemingly lost in thought and still shivering despite the heat in front of him.
“We can’t warm up with these wet clothes stuck to us. I’m not a fan of taking off our ODM gear in titan territory, but if we take it in shifts it should be alright.”
Levi decided not to question the topic change.
“Alright. I’ll take the first guard.”
Erwin watched Levi suspiciously. It hadn’t been long since the man had tried to kill him, almost a year ago. Levi had agreed to this rather quickly and if Erwin took off his ODM gear he’d be completely defenseless.
“What?” Levi snapped when Erwin didn’t move.
But their relationship had developed greatly over that year. Levi was a model soldier if you disregarded his foul language and unwillingness to properly salute. He had shown nothing but loyalty to the scouts since his batched first mission and he should have no motive to kill him now. Erwin decided he ought to extend an olive branch and give Levi the benefit of the doubt.
“Nothing,” he replied, pulling off his jacket and beginning to unclip his gear.
Levi relaxed, almost like he had been able to follow the captain’s thought process. Levi was at least aware that Erwin was trusting him with his life. Erwin now sat in front of the fire in his underwear, gazing into the flames while Levi kept his eyes pointedly fixed on the downpour outside the cave.
Gradually, Erwin’s shivering lessened, and his clothes next to the fire dried while Levi’s condition worsened.
“Let’s switch out, I’m warm enough,” Erwin said, and Levi happily obliged. Erwin redressed, his skin regaining its color, particularly in his cheeks as Levi undressed.
“Are you okay?” Erwin asked, his brows furrowed in genuine concern as Levi stretched his blueing fingers towards the fire.
“I’m doing just lovely. I can’t feel my fingers and toes, I’m covered in dirt, soaking wet, and stranded in titan territory with you.”
Erwin frowned. “It could be worse.”
“Yeah, I could be dead.”
“You could have been stuck with Hanji.”
Levi’s scowl softened, something Erwin has learned to take as an equivalent to a smile.
“Yeah, that titan-obsessed freak would want to stay out in the rain to study them. They’d get us both killed.”
Erwin chuckled, walking back into the cave to grab his cloak where it had fallen.
“Do you want my cape? It’s dirty but it’s pretty much dry by now.”
Levi paused. “Yeah, sure.”
Erwin stepped forward and draped it around Levi’s shoulders, feeling the man shivering beneath his hands.
“Sometimes I forget how small you are,” he said softly, his touch lingering.
“Thanks,” Levi replied dryly before gently pushing him off.
They watched the rain fall for what felt like an hour. It started to lessen, but still Levi shivered. His gaze raked over Erwin curiously, and Erwin shifted uncomfortably under such scrutiny.
“If we die here, will you have any regrets?” Levi asked.
“How morbid. No, I won’t regret anything I’ve done.”
Levi hummed, looking at Erwin like he was trying to solve a puzzle. “But you would regret things you haven’t done,” he guessed.
“Yeah,” Erwin sighed, but didn’t elaborate.
“What do you want?” Levi pressed, and Erwin shot him a skeptical look, crossing his legs as he sat down next to Levi.
“I’m not going to tell you my whole life story if that’s what you’re after.”
“No, no, I just want to talk about something interesting to keep my mind off of how cold and gross I am. I don’t give a shit about your sob story.”
Erwin regarded him quietly, his face stoic, before something gave.
“Alright. You’re right, in your assumption that I aim to be Commander after Shadis. I want to do my part to free humanity, and sacrifice myself for the betterment of it.”
“Bullshit.”
Erwin looked at him, surprised, but not offended.
“Believe me when I say that my interests align with humanity’s. But again, you’re right that I have my own personal motivations. I wonder if you would still follow me if you knew them.”
“Try me,” Levi replied easily.
“I can’t risk that.”
Levi huffed, his drying hair flicking out of his face.
“Do you know why I joined the Survey Corps?”
“Because you want to help save humanity and find meaning for your life?”
“Not exactly,” Levi replied.
“Oh? Why then?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Levi said smugly and Erwin groaned impatiently.
“That’s petty, Levi.”
“Maybe,” Levi replied with an easy shrug. “My clothes should be dry now.”
Erwin nodded, standing to get them from the other side of the fire for Levi. After Levi had dressed, Erwin pressed the back of his hand to Levi’s forehead.
“What?” Levi asked, but didn’t push him away.
“You have a fever,” Erwin replied grimly.
“For fuck’s sake. I knew my luck would run out.”
“Yeah,” Erwin agreed. “Lay down and try to sleep. Keep my cloak on you and try to sweat this out. I’ll keep watch.”
“I doubt I’ll be able to sleep right now,” Levi grumbled.
“I know, titan territory isn’t the most relaxing place, but I’ll guard you.”
“I don’t doubt that. It’s just that I, uh, have insomnia. I typically only sleep two or three hours a night. So if I can barely fall asleep in a bed, there’s no way I can fall asleep here.”
Erwin looked at him like he was suddenly seeing a new side of the man. In a way, he was, a few pieces clicking into place.
“No wonder you’re so irritable.”
“Fuck you too. I’ll at least close my eyes, but I can’t promise I’ll fall asleep.”
“That’s good enough,” Erwin said, smiling slightly.
When Levi woke, having not realized he fell asleep, it had stopped raining. Erwin was sitting at the mouth of the cave, guarding him as promised.
“Any titans?” Levi asked. The sun outside the cave was setting, casting the whole cavern in a soft orange glow. It made Erwin’s hair look like it was made of gold. As he turned to face him, he was outlined in the light of the sunset, and Levi’s breath hitched. He looked ethereal.
“Nope. Maybe they didn’t like the rain either.” He paused, staring at him, and Levi realized he must be bathed in the same orange glow. He slowly picked himself up and sat down next to Erwin.
“I never realized how beautiful the sunsets are outside the walls. Inside, they’re always obstructed by buildings. But here…”
“You can see forever,” Erwin agreed.
“I’ll follow you,” Levi said quietly, confidently- a promise. “I’ll follow you no matter your personal motivations.”
Erwin gave him a pained look, like he wanted to believe him more than anything. He opened his mouth but Levi quickly covered it with his hand. His voice came out much gentler than intended.
“Sleep. It’s your turn. We need to figure out how to get back to the walls in the morning. I’ll protect you.”