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Thick As Thieves

Summary:

The lake comes into sight. On a normal occasion, Techno might suggest they spent an hour or so there. Seeing as it’s summer, the lake is completely thawed and surprisingly the sand is visible. It would be a nice break.

Techno starts wading into the water, and Phil thrashes even harder. “Quit struggling,” Techno grumbles, adjusting his hold on Phil. “If you just spit out the-”

Phil punches him across the face, and Techno heaves him into the center of the lake.

-

piglin techno loving gold + crow phil loving shiny things = much thievery

Notes:

guys are you proud of me, i wrote some fluff

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Techno and Phil rarely fight. 

If there’s a disagreement, they’re usually able to work it out fairly quickly. Neither of them like arguments, so they avoid them. The only time Techno and Phil agree that it’s okay to fight is when they spar. But even then, it’s all lighthearted fun. They can throw each other into mountains, knock each other out, destroy the landscape, and it’s all fun and games at the end of the day. 

It would have to take something very, very strong to make them fight each other. 

Something like instincts.

“Give it back, Phil,” Techno snarls, lunging for the other man. 

Phil dances out of the way, launching himself up into the rafters. “No! You-” 

Techno jumps, catches Phil’s ankle, and yanks. Phil falls with a yelp, banging his chin on one of the rafters on the way down and crashing to the floor in front of Techno. Without hesitation, Techno pounces on him, pinning Phil’s wings with his knees. Phil bucks under his weight, and Techno presses harder on his wings. Phil squawks and goes still. Techno grabs his wrists, prying open Phil’s fingers to find nothing. 

“What did you do with it?” he demands, locking eyes with Phil. “Where is it?” 

The crow hybrid grins at him, and something glints behind his teeth. Techno’s eyes widen. “You didn’t.” 

Phil’s shoulders move like he’s shrugging, and Techno groans. “Spit it out!” 

There’s a stubborn gleam in Phil’s eyes as he shakes his head, clamping his mouth shut. Techno presses on his wings again. Phil grimaces, but only shakes his head harder. He’s not going to do it. 

Techno sits back, ignoring Phil’s oomph of pain as his weight shifts. “I’m not going to pull it out of your mouth,” he says, glaring at Phil. 

Phil smirks up at him. 

“That’s it,” Techno growls, standing up and grabbing the collar of Phil’s haori before he can squirm away. Kicking open the door, he drags Phil outside, heedless of the snow crunching under his hooves. “You can spit it out in the lake when I dunk you, then.” 

A muffled caw of outrage. Phil struggles against Techno’s grip to no avail. He might be much stronger than an average human, but so is Techno. Right now, Techno has the upper hand. He’s got Phil by the collar, and the voices are screaming in his mind. 

GET IT BACK.

GET IT BACK. 

THIEF. 

THIEFZA. 

HOW DARE HE. 

TAKE IT FROM HIM. 

OPEN HIS MOUTH AND GET IT, YOU KNOW YOU CAN.

ew dont do that, spit is gross. 

DUNK TIME. 

THROW THE OLD MAN IN THE LAKE. 

GET IT BACK GOLD GOLD GOLD. 

E. 

DUNKZA. 

The lake comes into sight. On a normal occasion, Techno might suggest they spent an hour or so there. Seeing as it’s summer, the lake is completely thawed and surprisingly the sand is visible. It would be a nice break. 

Techno starts wading into the water, and Phil thrashes even harder. “Quit struggling,” Techno grumbles, adjusting his hold on Phil. “If you just spit out the-” 

Phil punches him across the face, and Techno heaves him into the center of the lake. 

Immediately, Phil surges to the surface, flapping his wings and spluttering. Techno doubles over, laughter shaking his entire body. “You little shit!” Phil shouts, and Techno looks up to see Phil flipping him a bird. It just makes him laugh harder, and Phil yells, “You want the fucking ring? Fetch!” 

He’s already diving into the water before Phil hurls the small bit of metal as far as he can into the lake. The water stings his eyes as he opens them, searching for even the slightest hint of gold. Techno has never been the best swimmer, a fact that’s made painfully obvious as he crawls through the water. By the time he reaches Phil, who’s cackling as he treads water, he can’t even tell where Phil had thrown the ring. 

Techno pushes up to the surface, treading water next to Phil. “You,” he gasps, “are a vicious, two faced pr-”

Phil shoves him under, and Techno inhales a mouthful of water. When he pops up, Phil is wagging a teasing finger at him. “Watch your fucking language,” he scolds. 

“I can’t believe you threw the ring! It cost me forty emeralds-” 

“And I wanted it!” Phil says happily. “It was so shiny, I couldn’t help it, I’m just a simple crow-”

“You’re a thief, that’s what you are.”

Phil sinks lower into the water, making it so only his eyes peep out from the water. His hat is long gone. Techno huffs, unimpressed, and Phil blows bubbles at him mournfully. “I’m not falling for your tricks again,” Techno says, splashing him. “That’s the third piece of gold jewelry you’ve lost me this week.” 

“It’s shiny, though,” Phil whines. “You take all the good jewelry.” 

Techno reaches out and tugs lighting on the golden earring fixed firmly to Phil’s ear, the emerald inlaid in it shining in the sun. “You have this.” 

“And you have an entire gold crown.” Phil’s face brightens. “Did you-” 

“Nope.” Techno holds up his wrist, revealing the crown looped around it, and Phil wilts. He looks almost like a sad puppy. 

TRICK. 

HE TOUCHED OUR GOLD.

DON’T FALL FOR IT TECHNO. 

TRICK. 

TRICK. 

TRICK.

heheh birdza go brrrr.

TRICK. 

WATCH YOUR POCKET.  

Techno’s hand drifts to his pocket. He shoots Phil another glare and Phil holds out his hand sheepishly, returning the handful of golden coins to Techno. “Sorry, mate, couldn’t help it.” 

“We should put those thieving skills to work,” Techno jokes. “Maybe you could get me a new ring.” 

A contemplative look crosses Phil’s face, and Techno shakes his head. “No, no, no, we’re not stooping to thievery, Phil.” 

“You spoil all my fun.” 

Techno laughs. “Alright, I’m freezing my fur off in this lake so I’m gonna head back to the house. You owe me a ring, old man.” 

Phil lunges at him, dragging them both underwater. They tussle under the water for a moment, rolling over and over as both of them struggle for the upper hand. Techno doesn’t realize they’ve been floating closer to the shore under his back scrapes the sand. He takes the opportunity to kick up, catching Phil in the ribs and flipping him over his head. Phil slams into the sand with an oof, and Techno rolls onto his belly to look at him. Phil grins cheekily and flaps his wings against the sand, spraying sand all over himself. Techno chuckles. “What are you doing?” 

“Dust bath!” Phil rolls over, coating his entire wingspan in sand. “It’s healthy!” 

“The sand is sticking to you,” Techno points out. “You’re gonna have to wash that off.” 

“Would you dry the water off yourself after bathing?” 

Techno stares at him. 

“Bad example,” Phil acknowledges. “I don’t need to wash the sand off, it defeats the purpose.” 

“Time to dunk you again, I guess-” 

“Oh, fine, fine.” Phil stands up and shakes out his wings, sending sand cascading over Techno. “Happy?” 

He can’t help the soft smile that makes its way onto his face at the sight of Phil like this, covered in sand, feathers puffed up, hair sticking up messily, grinning like a madman. “Yes.” 

For a while after the lake incident, things are calm. Techno keeps his piglin instincts to get all the gold he can and hoard it under control, and Phil keeps his instinct to snatch anything shiny out of Techno’s hands at bay. Occasionally there will still be a moment where Phil passes by Techno while Techno’s reading and slips an earring off Techno’s ear. But for the most part, there are no more arguments over gold jewelry. 

It’s still hard knowing that he’s three gold pieces of jewelry short of what he used to have. Techno loves his gold, and sometimes it simply hurts thinking about the three pieces of jewelry currently sitting in the muck at the bottom of the lake. 

The trip to the city to get more jewelry for the both of them goes about as well as expected. 

He’s trading twenty two emeralds for a simple gold cuff bracelet when it happens. Techno likes to carve enchantments into his jewelry, and the cuff will do nicely for that. Protection, he thinks, would be a good enchantment for it, and unbreaking and maybe thorns if it fits. 

Phil sidles up to him, tugging lightly on his sleeve. “Time to go, mate,” he mutters, glancing around the shop. 

Techno raises an eyebrow, focused on clasping the bracelet around his wrist. “What did you do?” 

“Well, first of all, I’m offended that’s the first conclusion you came to.” The door to the shop opens and Phil curses under his breath, ducking under Techno’s cloak. “Second of all, we should really go.”  

Sighing, Techno turns and starts walking towards the door, keeping Phil tucked under his cloak. Four men stand somewhat awkwardly in the entrance of the shop, scanning the shop. Techno slings his arm around Phil’s shoulder, further blocking him from view. He doesn’t know what happened between Phil and those men, but judging by Phil’s reaction, something definitely happened. 

They make it outside of the shop without incident, only to run right into an unfamiliar man. 

Instantly, the man grabs Phil’s wrist and yanks him out from the protection of Techno’s cloak. “There’s the little thief,” he hisses, shaking Phil. “I knew you slipped into-” 

“Oh, fuck off,” Phil spits back, twisting in the man’s grip. “I didn’t steal anything from you or the other bastards-” 

Techno steps forward, forcing the man to let go of Phil and pulling Phil back to his side. “Sorry about my friend,” he says calmly, staring the man in the eyes. “Can I give you an emerald for your troubles?” 

Phil gives him an incredulous look. Techno ignores it. He doesn’t want to give this man an emerald. Quite frankly, he wants to punch him in the nose for daring to grab Phil like that. 

PROTECTNOBLADE. 

BLOOD.

BLOOD.

HE TOUCHED PHIL.

PROTECTNOBLADE. 

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD.  

But he can’t start a fight, not here, not in the middle of the city where anyone can see. As much as he doesn’t want to give this man an emerald, he doesn’t want to ruin the shaky trading relationship they’ve managed to get in this city. 

Unfortunately- or perhaps luckily- the man doesn’t seem keen on negotiating either. “I don’t want your emerald,” he snaps. “I want my ring back.” 

Ah. 

“Phil,” Techno says sternly. “Give him his ring.” 

Phil crosses his arms. “I didn’t take any ring.” 

The man growls, advancing on Phil. “Then explain where the ring I had been wearing-” 

Techno shoves the man away from Phil, resting his hand on the hilt of his sword. “If he said he didn’t steal it, then he didn’t steal it. Don’t touch him.” 

“Aw, if he wants a fight, let him fight.” Phil bounces on his heels, a dangerous gleam in his eyes. “I haven’t participated in a good brawl in ages. Come on, Techno, let him fight!” 

Placing heavy hands on Phil’s shoulders, Techno turns and steers the crow hybrid down the street. “What are you doing?” he whispers. “We agreed to lay a low profile in the city.” 

“You wanted a ring.” Phil’s hand slips out of his sleeve, revealing an expensive-looking gold ring with a netherite inlay curling around the edges. “So I got you one! Didn’t think he’d catch me, but whatever.” 

“I’m… flattered?” 

Phil brightens. “You like it?” 

“Well I don’t like this new penchant for stealing,” Techno says dryly. “But the ring is pretty nice.” 

Phil’s grin is brighter than the sun itself. “Now time to run, I think they saw me holding the ring, go, go, go-” 

Techno can’t hold back his laughter as he dashes through the streets with Phil. He loves these moments with Phil, these wild, crazy moments where neither of them have time to properly think and can only focus on the adrenaline and fun of the chase. 

Not even instincts could get in between him and Phil.

Notes:

thank you for reading! kudos and comments are much appreciated :D

if i was a crueler person i would've turned this into angst, but i feel like the fandom needs comfort and fluff rn so i am here to provide :]

here's my twitter if anyone wants to talk, my dms are open <3

oh also if you come after anyone for using qpr tags, i'll eat your liver :)