Chapter Text
Riding her red shiny bike back down the familiar street, her brown eyes lit up immediately upon spotting the familiar black car in the parking lot.
Levi was here!
Her brother would scold her for throwing her bike just down onto the loan instead of properly storing it away as she arrived at their front yard but Hanji frankly speaking didn’t care. She was way too excited to see her friend.
Taking out her house key Hanji fumbled around with the lock. Giggling mischievously. Trying to stay quiet she sneaked inside. She wanted to surprise them. Hopefully she could catch Levi by surprise, maybe even jump on him.
Opening the door she could hear two males talking. It seemed like they were in the kitchen.
“Don’t look at me like that Erwin. I will ask you again what will you do about Hanji!?”
“I won’t do anything.”
“Erwin! She already regains her memories! Her nightmares she told me about. For how long is this going on? When where you going to tell me? Or was this never an option!?”
A slam of a fist hitting the table.
“That’s right! I didn’t plan on telling you! What would it change!? She is a child and you are an adult Levi!”
The next thing that was heard was a fist connecting something else along with a loud crash, a chair tumbling over and hitting the kitchen tiles.
Levi had lost control. Moving up to Erwin in an blink of an eye he slammed his fist into Erwin’s face and making him tumble over along his chair. His Ackerman strength still as permanent as before.
“You think I don’t know this!? Have you any idea how it feels to love someone that is out of reach!? But guess what Erwin. I swallowed my feelings down. I never did anything unappropriated to her, right!?” His fists were shaking, in anger and frustration. Gritting his teeth he was looking down on Erwin who started to get up. “I loved her. Ever since I remembered with 18years... and how I had to let go of her. If only I had stopped her that day. Than she wouldn’t have died from those titans!”
He was yelling in rage. Both of the males had no idea about the little girl peeking inside the kitchen. Her eyes wide, her heart beating so fast. She was confused about what she was hearing. Her dreams were real? Memories? Past life?
Her eyes widened and she gasped as Erwin got up and smacked Levi across the face too.
Levi took it and grit his teeth at Erwin. His lip bleeding.
“She did die Levi! And I will protect her this time! As her brother what she sees me now. For that I pushed her into the Commander position in the past-“
Levi hit him back and both glared at each other.
“Feeling sorry about your own past regrets. Huh!?” Levi snapped. “But guess what Erwin. I was fine with staying just by her side and see her growing up happy! I was fine being her friend! But if she remembers we cannot just do nothing! We should-“
Levi stopped mid sentence, his and Erwin’s face’s snapping around while they were at each other throats, pulling at their shirts with their fists raised again to hit each other.
The door had opened loudly and Hanji stood at the doorway, her eyes filled with anger, frustration but confusion and sadness as well. Tears started streaming down her petite face.
“Hanji...”
“Hanji forget what Levi-“
“Erwin bro shut up! I don’t want to hear any of your excuses!” She screamed.
Whipping her tears away in anger she glared at both of them.
Erwin let go of Levi and tried to approach his little sister but Hanji took a step backwards in return. Shaking her heads she slowly moved away from him.
“Let me explain-“
“YOU LIED TO ME! I-I- so I burned to death and all of these dreams... I.. I don’t want to speak with any of you again!”
And than she ran away. The house door got opened and slammed shut with a loud bang leaving the two adults alone.
It took a moment for them to register what had happened. Maybe it was Levi’s Ackerman instinct but he was the first one to snap back to reality.
“This is exactly why I didn’t wanted to keep any secrets from her! Good job Erwin! I will go after her.” Grabbing his jacket from the floor Levi rushed after her.
“Levi wait! I will go-“
Stopping Levi turned around and gave Erwin an ice cold glare.
“You will stay here in case she will return back home. I will go and look for her. You can’t stop me Erwin. Not if it is about Hanji.”
Stepping outside the house, Levi noticed the bike Hanji used to go to school was still here. This means she did walk.. she didn’t even took her jacket or anything else with her he had noticed as he rushed out of the house.
Clicking his tongue Levi went into his car. The engine turned to life with a loud howling. Turning on the lights Levi drives out of the parking lot and onto the streets. Hanji couldn’t come very far if she was walking. Levi hoped he could find her quicker if he used his car.
Small rain drops started hitting his front window. The sky had turned into a dark gray. Clicking tongue Levi gripped his steering wheel tighter.
“Stupid woman. Stupid shitty glasses. Running away in this weather.”
Driving around the street, the rain started pouring down now. But as much as he tried searching around... there was no Hanji. No brunette little school girl with her messy ponytail, her brown chocolate eyes shining with curiosity when she read a book way too complicated for her age but she didn’t care. She always behaved way more like an adult than a child.
The more time passed the more Levi began to worry. He just had passed the bookstore shop, another one of Hanji’s favorite spots she loved to go to, but besides a mother with her three children and an elderly couple walking hand in hand and rushing into the store for some shelter nothing his gray blue eyes could see.
The rain had began to pour down heavily since a while now.
The streets had cleared up and no human was walking around anymore.
Maybe he should call Erwin to see if Hanji had simply go back home due to the bad weather.
Levi was about to drive to the side and park his car to call Erwin as his eyes spotted something below the bridge in front of him which did cross the small river to his left side. Squinting his eyes together he could make out a mess of brown hair from this person, sitting in the grass area under the bridge in front of him, her head buried away into her knees.
“Hanji!”
Almost dropping his phone, the raven haired put it back into his pocket and hurried out of his car. Looking left and right to make sure no car was coming he ran across the street and jumped over the railing to make his way down the grass path and under the bridge. He didn’t care about the rain soaking him.
Standing under the bridge next to the little girl he took a good look at her. He said nothing and Hanji didn’t seem to have noticed him yet or she ignored him. Her body was shaking lightly, her school uniform was clinging to her body, wet and slightly seen through.
Taking a long sigh, relief washed over Levi. He found her. He hadn’t even noticed how fast his heart was beating before. Out of worry. Out of pure fear of loosing her again.
Taking his black jacket off, Levi dropped it down onto Hanji’s head before he took a seat next to her onto the cold wet grass. He cringed over the uncomfortable feeling and the possible stains he would get but he ignored them. All discomfort he could ignore as long as Hanji was okay.
Feeling a presence sit down next to Hanji along with the weight of the jacket suddenly onto her head she looked up. A familiar scent of soap and black tea. Levi’s scent.
And she was right. Her brown tear stained eyes made eye contact with Levi.
“Levi....”
“You scared the shit outta me shitty glasses.”
Unable to touch her despite how much he felt the inner urge to pull her into a night embrace and wipe all her tears away along with her worries, Levi instead forced his gaze away from her and threw a small rock he picked up besides him into the river.
“And? How much do you remember by now? How much did you hear inside the kitchen?”
He came right to the point. Tightening her grip onto Levi’s warm jacket, Hanji pulled it closer as if to hide herself from not only the cold but everything else before she replied with a shaking voice.
“... I believe most of it. I have these dreams- I mean my old memories? Since about one year now.”
Thinking back about her first nightmare, the burned sensation she felt and falling all alone as she fought big monsters she never saw before. Yet she knew they were called titans somehow and it hurt, it hurt so much as her skin peeled off from her body, her hair, clothes, everything burned and she fell and all went dark. And how one name, his name.. was the last thing she tried to call out before all went pitch black. She still remembered how she cried in bed and went into her brothers- Erwin’s room. Startling him and waking him up he comforted her the whole night. Lying to her and telling her it is all just a bad dream. Just thinking about this filled Hanji with new anger and she gripped her jacket mor tight.
“Already... I see... I was an adult already as it started for me and Erwin was even 2years older as it started from him he told me... as we met and released we know each other already he never told me at first you exists. Only later as he invited me to his place home. I’m sorry it took me so long to find out.”
His words were filled with sadness and lazed together with feeling of regrets.
This surprised Hanji enough to avert her gaze from the grass and look up at him. Reaching out she stretched herself up enough to be able to reach and touch his cold right cheek.
Her sudden body contact startled him quite a bit. His eyes widened but he didn’t push her away. Instead he moved his arm without thinking around her slim small body and pulled her closer until he was hugging her side to himself with her head resting now against his shoulder.
“... I have missed you Hanji..”
A strong tuck at her heart. His words were enough to open a damn inside the young Hanji. Hiccuping and new tears rolling down her cheeks she climbed into his lap before she began uncontrollably cry into his chest. The raven haired said nothing and just hugged her as close as possible himself. One hand was rubbing her back in a soothing manner while he waited until let everything out.
“Me too Levi... ughhh I have missed you always I think. Something always felt wrong until that day Erwin introduced us... it finally.. finally.. makes sense now... hic.. my mind wanted to see you again because it remembered...”
Levi didn’t wanted to touch her like this anymore due to his compromised feelings. Even so he felt his own eyes sting as well as he tried to blink his own tears away. Especially after what she had just said.
The only sound which was heard were Hanji’s cries along the sound of the rain pouring down into mother earth. Maybe the world wanted to cry for them too or create a very deja vu feeling for both them.
Near a river, wet, Hanji leaning over Levi and holding him while she cried of joy as she still felt his pulse. Those memories flooded back inside Hanji’s mind right now as well which made her just wail even more uncontrollably.
Both of them didn’t know how much time had passed but as her crying finally subsided down Levi had to release she had cried herself to sleep from exhaustion. Perhaps it was the amount of memories and information's about how real all of those were which took a mentally toll on her body. Levi didn’t know.
“Sweet dreams Hanji..” Levi whispered as he carefully got up with Hanji in his arms.
Carrying her to his car he placed her down onto the passenger seat and buckled her up safely. Even these movements didn’t seem to wake her up.
Walking around and climbing into the driver seat. He was about to turn on the engine as he heard a quiet mumbling.
“Don’t.. leave me alone... Levi... survive..”
His breath hitched as he saw a single tear rolling down her cheeks. Reaching over he whipped it away with his thumb before he pulled some strands of her brown hair out of her face. Letting his palm rest for a moment on her cheek he felt her relax and her breathing became even again.
“I won’t leave you alone I promise...”
Those were Levi’s last words before he started driving away in direction to the closest place and to not break his promise, his apartment.
Arriving in the garage of his apartment, Levi had no choice but to carry her inside. Holding her bridal style he made his way to the front door. Managing to hold her with one arm and press her to his torso he pulled his keys out, unlocking the front door and making his way inside. Closing the door with his foot he quietly made his way to his bedroom.
Placing her sleeping body down onto his big king sized bed Levi couldn’t help but have his eyes linger onto her small body.
He couldn’t let her stay like this. They were both drenched and soaked from head to toe.
His eyes stopped at her chest and her seen through shirt.. as soon as he released this he averted his eyes.
“Tch. There is no other choice... this doesn’t mean I feel anything inappropriate..”
Mumbling to himself Levi quickly made his way to his closet and pulled out two sets of clothes, a fresh pair of shirts and pants.
One for himself and Hanji.
First he should change her. Since she was still asleep he had to do it he guessed. He was glad she was not crying anymore and didn’t seem to have any nightmares anymore.
Moving up to her again he leaned over her body. His hands were hovering over her shirt.
He gulped.
This was just to make sure she doesn’t catch a cold. He isn’t some kind of creep!
Reassuring himself this inside his brain his fingers moved lower. The rain sound along with the pop sound of Hanji’s buttons being opened was the only sound inside the room. Already touching the first round button to open her shirt, how it popped open and he reached down to her second suddenly her brown eyes fluttered open.
“Hmnngh... ah-“
“Ah...”
Brown wide eyes stared up at gray blue eyes. Their faces were so close and both froze there in place.
“Levi are you check-“
“Tch. Get your head out of the gutter. I wasn’t going to do anything perverted to you.” Throwing his pair of clothes for her at her face he hastily made his way outside his bedroom to prepare her bath and to get away from this inappropriate situation or feelings. “Go change your clothes. But since you are awake, first go and take a bath. I will let some water inside.” He yelled after her while he left.
Hanji pulled his clothes off her face and blushed. Hugging them closer to her chest she inhaled his scent. It smelled like Levi.
Looking around she noticed she was inside Levi’s bedroom. His bed was soft and big. Hanji liked it. A double bed despite being alone... or at least Hanji knew of no woman...
All of the sudden her mood got gloomy. What if Levi had woman in here... how many woman perhaps did already sleep in this bed? With how Levi looks like he would be very popular even in this world line.
A knock at the door snapped her out of her bad thoughts.
“Oi, Hanji did you fall asleep again? The bathwater is ready. Can I come in?”
“I-I am coming! No need to come in!”
Hurrying to her feet Hanji opened the door and stood besides him with a forced cheerful grin on her face.
Levi already had changed his clothed after he had finished her bath water. Because she didn’t come out he got worried and knocked at the door.
And it seems like he was not far off, now he was watching her with a raised eyebrow.
“Where is your bathroom?”
Walking past him she looked around, his clothes she held under her arms.
“The door to your left is the bathroom...”
“Oh thank you.”
And with those words she hurried inside the bathroom and closed the door behind her.
Staring at the closed door for a long while, the raven haired adult man knew his brunette young brat was hiding something from him but he couldn’t find out yet what it was.
Inside the bathroom Hanji sat inside the tub, the warm water warmed up her cold body... it smelled of lavender and somehow it made her remember something. Something from the past.
She saw a bathtub, hands on her scalp, massaging shampoo into it... manly hands and suddenly she heard her name being called but not her real name ‘shitty glasses’ and than her memory ended and her eyes opened again and she was back again alone in the bathtub.
Sinking down until only her head remained outside of the water she sighed, a deep red blush adoring her face.
“Levi...your unfair creeping inside my mind with those memories. Why are they coming now...”
After her bath she went outside, wearing his shirt and a pair of his pants which were all too big for her. But with his belt she could at least make it possible so she didn’t lose his pants while walking.
“Ironic isn’t it? Your clothes are way too big for me now.”
Looking up from his seat on his sofa he eyed her up and down. She looked almost comical trying to fold her sleeves enough to wear them properly and her pant legs were folded too.
“Hm until tomorrow your clothes will be dry again. The weather is not going to be better any time soon... I told Erwin you will stay the night here.”
Hearing his explanation surprised Hanji. Moving up to him she sat down onto the sofa as well where a cup with hot tea was already ready and prepared for her.
Still a tea freak. Something is never going to change.
Smelling the aroma before taking a sip, letting the hot liquid go down her throat Hanji felt like she could relax a bit again.
“Black tea... your favorite...”
“Right. So this you remember too...”
Hanji nodded. “I think I remember a lot already... but there is still a lot probably missing too.. it’s confusing.. and scary but I am about one part absolutely certain.” Her gaze was absolutely serious as she turned to him. “I am Hanji Zoe. 14th Commander of the Survey Corps. Please believe me. Don’t think of me as the child from before my memories returned, before I did not know or accept them as my memories.”
There was a pause and besides the rain pouring down from outside nothing was heard. Placing his empty tea cup down onto the coffee table Levi spoke finally up.
“Hanji, I do believe you. I can see it from the way you move and behave ever since we are here about how you changed. I watched over you for a couple of years after all.”
“Then-“ she didn’t understood why but her heartbeat quickened sounding hopeful until Levi continued.
“This doesn’t change your body age. I cannot be more to you than what we are now.”
Avoiding eye contact with her, all he could hear was her shaking breathing next to her followed shaking voice. He hurt her. He knew that. He hurt himself too. He wanted to punch himself but he just can’t do it.
“You’re cruel Levi... it’s like you’re this time the one leaving me behind... Say Levi how many woman were inside your bed already or are you seeing someone?”
Her words were sharp mixed with pain. It would be a lie to say both were not surprised for different reasons why she had suddenly asked this.
“I’m not sleeping around and picking up random woman in bars and I’m not seeing anyone currently, shitty glasses... “ he never dared to look at her, instead he looked at the clock on his phone. “It’s pretty late already. I can make you something to eat before we should go to bed. You will have the bed. I will sleep here on the sofa.”
Another jab to her heart. They used to nap together as she was smaller and Levi never pushed her away... it’s like he is more distancing himself from her than before she started remembering even.
Lowering her head, she got up suddenly. “I’m not hungry.. I will go to bed then.”
Without even waiting for his reply she closed the door to his bedroom behind her.
Watching her retreating figure until the door closed behind her, Levi sighed.
“Shit...” cursing under his breath he stared up at his ceiling in defeat.
He had fucked up.
An elderly man with gray becoming hair sat in a wheel chair. A bouquet of green roses on his lap while he gazed out to the ocean. Loneliness, longing and love filled his heart as the man looked up at the sky and a plane was passing by.
“Hanji... are you still watching me?”
Jolting awake, Levi felt a big weight on top of him making it hard for him to move.
Opening his eyes slowly he got got greeted by a turf of brown hair followed by soft snoring.
“Hanji...?” Whispering to not wake her up, Levi tried to lift up his head more to get a better look at her.
Indeed Hanji was lying on her stomach on top of him and sleeping. The blanket had fallen off to the ground Levi had used as he went to sleep or Hanji was simply too lazy to try to get them both covered up after she had decided to sleep on him.
He froze as he felt her move. She was stirring in her sleep and snuggled even closer to him if that even was possible. Her cheek was rubbing against his bare chest making him blush and curse to himself and of his habit to always sleep without a shirt on.
He was about to reach out and shake her awake but all his resolve disappeared as soon as he noticed Hanji had cried at some point. Some tear streaks were still visible on her cheeks and even with just the light from the big balcony door and window illuminating the living room into a soft white light from the full moon, he could swear he saw her eyes were puffy.
Sighing Levi instead reached below him and pulled the blanket back up from the floor and over both of them. Wrapping his arms over around her to prevent her from accidentally rolling off him and perhaps ending up hitting her head on the coffee table the raven haired man stared back up at the ceiling complementing his choices, regretting his harsh words earlier seeing he was the reason he made her cry. He had sworn to himself to never make her cry and watch out for her so she would have a happy and long life. Have friends, get a good boyfriend later, get a family she deserved this time now that she had the chance.
Gritting his teeth at the thought he didn’t even notice how his grip around her tightened.
The reality was he didn’t wanted any of this. Levi didn’t wanted to see her grow up and distance herself from him. Levi didn’t wanted to see her into another mans arms. Levi didn’t wanted to see her happily holding a child from someone else...
This world was cruel... but for letting him meet Hanji again it was so very beautiful as well...
So just for this night. Let him be selfish and not think about the consequences.
Closing his eyes he drifted of to sleep again with Hanji.