Work Text:
Buck slumps into the driver’s seat of his Jeep, letting his head fall back, squeezing his eyes shut as if he can somehow erase the memory of everything that just happened.
“So that was a disaster,” Taylor says, her voice cutting through his stupor. He forces his eyes open and is greeted with the sight of his girlfriend in the passenger seat, not a hair out of place, gorgeous as ever, a sympathetic expression on her face.
He can’t bear to look at her.
“To say the least,” he responds, huffing out a humourless laugh. The disaster in question being, of course, the double dinner date they had just suffered through with Eddie and Ana.
He drops his head in his hands as the evening replays itself in his mind.
Eddie, Christopher, and I had the most incredible time together at the museum yesterday.
His abuela taught me how to make her tamales recipe, isn’t that just the sweetest thing?
We’ve been talking about taking a trip to wine country, just the two of us, for our anniversary in a couple months.
Eddie’s parents want to meet me, they’ve even offered to fly us down to Texas for the weekend.
All of it said with the most sickeningly in love expression he’s ever seen on a person’s face, Ana’s voice positively dripping with adoration, every word like a slap to the face.
And then the final gut punch, what finally pushed him over the edge, stealing all the breath from his lungs and breaking his heart in pieces.
Ana had been practically draped over Eddie, gazing up at him with a fond look as she recounted how they got together, only Buck noticing how uncomfortable Eddie was with the display of affection.
‘We never would have gotten together if we hadn’t run into each other on that call,’ Ana had said. ‘So, really it’s thanks to you that we have each other, Buck. You and your crew brought us together.'
Eddie had smiled softly at her at that, and Buck couldn’t take it anymore. He’d stood up abruptly, blurting out some excuse and forcing a smile for a very confused Ana and a very concerned Eddie. He and Taylor had made a hasty exit (not before Taylor downed the rest of her glass of wine) and that brought them to where they were now, sitting in his Jeep in awkward silence.
“You okay?” Taylor asks. He lets out a humourless laugh in response. Is he okay? Would anyone be okay if they had just sat through an entire dinner with their girlfriend, their best friend who they’re in love with, and said best friend’s girlfriend?
Because of course he just had to fall in love with Eddie. His best friend, the one person he can’t bear to lose, the one person he knows he can never have. And now Eddie and Ana are happy as can be, the perfect little couple, and Buck is left to patch up his shattered heart.
And the worst part is that maybe, at some point, he might have had a chance. Back before the mudslide, before the wildfires, before his parents came back, before the shift from hell. Before Ana, before Eddie finally decided he was ready and then chose someone who wasn’t Buck.
“No,” he spits out, feeling tears welling up in his eyes. “Not really.” He feels Taylor’s scrutinizing eyes on him, and he just prays she can’t tell what he’s thinking. But he knows it must be written all over his face, all the desire and longing and love, spilling out of his every pore whenever he so much as looks at Eddie.
He risks a glance at her face, and immediately curses the day he’d decided to date a reporter. She sees right through him with zero effort. “You love him, don’t you?” He’s taken aback by how direct she’s being, although it shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. She takes in his dumbfounded expression and simply raises an eyebrow. “Come on, Buck, I’m not stupid. And it wasn’t hard to put the pieces together after that dinner.”
He searches her expression for the anger he’s certain is there, but finds nothing but sympathy. “Taylor, I—I really like you, I swear—”
She cuts him off. “That’s nice, but it’s not what I asked. Tell me the truth, not what you think I want to hear.”
He swallows hard, barely able to meet Taylor’s eyes. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.” She just nods, reaching across the car to take his hand, the gesture completely void of any romance. He squeezes her hand gratefully, the tears finally spilling down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Taylor,” he chokes out.
She shrugs her shoulders in response. “I’m not gonna lie, it’s not exactly how I wanted this night to go, but I’d rather know how you really feel.” “How long?” she asks softly.
Buck takes a shaky breath. “Since the lockdown.”
He remembers it all so clearly. The news had come out of nowhere, and everyone was forced to act fast. Christopher was immunocompromised, so Eddie couldn’t stay at home and still work. So of course, Buck, being the good friend that he is, had offered to let Eddie stay at his loft. He’d also immediately extended the invitation to Hen and Chimney, knowing they also must be worried about their own loved ones, and they had all accepted.
It had been a strange few months, having all of them there, but Buck had enjoyed having the company. But after a few weeks of sleeping next to Eddie and waking up next to Eddie and seeing Eddie first thing in the morning when he was still waking up and his hair was all messy and fluffy and unbearably gorgeous—well. He may have realized that if there was a normal amount of times to get hard looking at or thinking about your best friend, it was definitely less than the number he was at.
And maybe it would have been bearable to just be attracted to Eddie, because at least he could deal with that problem, even if he would feel a little guilty getting himself off while thinking about his best friend. But no, of course he had to be in love with Eddie, because nothing in his life could ever be easy.
And there were even moments, moments where Eddie’s eyes would linger just a little too long, where he would sit just a little closer to him on the couch than absolutely necessary, where he would smile fondly at something Buck said or did and he would think— maybe. Just maybe.
But then Eddie went back home, and Hen and Chimney went back to their families, and Buck was living with Albert, which was a strange but not unwelcome change. And then he found out he had a brother, and he nearly died in a factory fire, and then he was finally ready to start moving on, and Eddie seemed like he was ready to move on, and he dared for a second to hope—and then Ana happened.
So, Buck tried his best to move on too. Downloaded a dating app again, which ended terribly. And then Taylor showed up again, all perfect hair and gorgeous eyes and long legs and Buck had remembered how good it had felt to have those legs wrapped around his waist, and Taylor was different and better, and Buck was lonely and just wanted.
And then Eddie had been shot, and Buck was covered in blood and staring uselessly at Eddie bleeding out on the pavement, and then he was dragging him under a fire truck and trying desperately to keep him alive, and then Taylor kissed him and Eddie woke up in the hospital with Ana by his bedside. And then Eddie had told Buck about his will, and Buck had thought surely, that meant something—and then Eddie had gone home to Ana anyway.
So he had just—given in. He had genuinely liked Taylor, still did, and she liked him, and sometimes it felt like that could be enough. But he knew now that it never would be. Whatever he felt for her, it would never be enough. Nothing could compare to Eddie.
Taylor nodded in understanding, like she knew everything he was thinking, everything he couldn’t bear to say out loud to her. “Well, we had a good run, Buckley.” She smiles softly at him, a hint of sadness evident in her expression, and he feels his heart break a little bit.
“I’m so sorry, Taylor. I—I never meant to hurt you,” he manages to get out. “You’re an amazing person, and you deserve—so much better than this.”
She laughs softly. “Don’t you worry, I’m a tough girl. I’ll bounce back.”
He’s overwhelmed by how unbelievably well Taylor is taking this, and feels tears welling up in his eyes again. “I—thank you, Taylor.”
She squeezes his hand again. “What are friends for?” He nods, blinking back tears. Taylor lets go of his hand to flop back in her seat, sighing dramatically. “Alright, now that the mushy stuff is out of the way, I’m coming back to your place. We’re gonna drink a lot more wine and you’re gonna moan about your unrequited love and we’re gonna have a great time, got it?” she says forcefully.
Buck nods in surprise, taken aback by her words. “I hope you’re prepared for a lot of complaining.” He’s had several months to bottle up all of his feelings, and it’s past time for him to let them out. Even if it’s to his now-ex-girlfriend over a cheap bottle of wine.
Taylor just laughs. “Oh, I’m counting on it.”
It’s been several weeks since that disastrous dinner and his and Taylor’s extremely amicable breakup. Since then, Buck and Taylor have made what they’ve dubbed their ‘wine nights’ a weekly occurrence, Eddie has not once brought up the failed double date, and Buck has been avoiding Eddie as much as possible to delay the inevitable.
Taylor has graciously borne his bemoaning about Eddie, rarely offering up advice, mostly just letting him rant and get everything out, which he much appreciated.
He’d had to schedule a last minute wine night with Taylor tonight after Eddie had casually mentioned that Ana had slept over the night before and Buck had felt his heart plummet at the implication. Buck had forced a congratulatory smile and left the room as quickly as possible, immediately pulling his phone out to text Taylor.
Buck was barely able to look at Eddie the rest of the day, every glance a reminder of everything he can’t have. Eddie had looked at him a bit oddly when he’d hastily said goodbye at the end of their shift and practically ran out to his car, but still hadn’t said anything.
And now, he and Taylor were slumped on his couch, halfway through their fourth bottle of wine, his words slurring slightly.
“And I just—he just—with his face—and his arms—” He waves his hands wildly as if he can somehow communicate the extent to which Eddie Diaz’s general everything affected him.
Taylor, who was similarly intoxicated, just nodded in understanding and took another swig of wine.
“And he just—he just had sex with his girlfriend? And I don’t—I don’t know how to deal with that.” He flops his arms back down on the couch, too tired to continue waving them wildly.
Taylor nodded once more and clumsily patted him on the arm in what he interpreted as a gesture of comfort.
“And I can’t even be mad at her, cause who wouldn’t want to sleep with him?” Buck huffs out a sigh and tries to steer his mind away from vivid thoughts of sleeping with Eddie.
Taylor looks pensive for a moment, then says “I’d sleep with him.” At Buck’s betrayed expression, she amends her previous statement. “I mean, obviously not now, cause you’re in love with him and you’re kind of my best friend, and that would definitely violate the rules of friendship.”
Buck smiles, satisfied, then sits up as he realizes what Taylor had said. “Wait—I’m your best friend?”
She scoffs, taking another drink of wine. “Don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not exactly the warmest person. Not a lot of people are willing to put up with me.”
Buck feels his heart break a little bit at that, because he understands what she’s saying, but also—Taylor is genuinely one of the best friends he’s ever had, and he wonders how many people have just given up on her because they weren’t willing to put in the work to actually get to know her.
He pokes her in the leg to get her to look at him, smiling when their eyes meet. “Hey. I think you’re my best friend too.” And she really is, because Eddie is something different than his best friend now. He can see tears welling up in Taylor’s eyes, but he tactfully says nothing.
Taylor stands up abruptly, draining the rest of her glass before holding it aloft triumphantly. “Alright, let’s get down to business. There is a time limit to how long I will watch you pine from afar and be miserable, because frankly it’s pathetic,” she says matter of factly.
Buck stutters out an objection, but is cut off by Taylor shushing him.
“No protests! You need to tell him how you feel, or I am gonna run out of wine,” she says threateningly. He’s pretty sure she’s serious about the wine (they do drink a lot of wine), but the mere thought of telling Eddie sends a spike of panic through his heart.
“I—I can’t,” he insists. “It would ruin everything. I can’t lose him.”
Taylor’s expression softens as she sits back down on the couch, grabbing his hand in a firm grip. “You’re more likely to lose him if you keep pushing him away than if you just tell him the truth.” She squeezes his hand hard. “You have to tell him.”
Buck blinks back tears and manages a nod, not trusting his voice right now. Taylor lets out a sigh and flops back onto the couch, looking satisfied.
He knows she’s right. He can’t keep living like this, it’s practically killing him. He can’t even look at Eddie without wanting to rip his heart out of his chest. Maybe telling him would ruin everything, but not telling him would mean Buck would inevitably lose the most important thing in his life, and he can’t bear to even consider a future without Eddie and Christopher. He doesn’t know how Eddie will react, but he can’t keep this secret any longer. He has to tell him.
Buck has a plan. He knows what he’s going to say, when he’s going to say it, and how he’s going to make a quick escape as soon as the words come out. Now the only problem is actually doing it.
Eddie had invited him over tonight for a beer and a movie, just the two of them as Christopher was at a sleepover. The perfect opportunity. If only he didn’t feel sick to his stomach just thinking about telling Eddie.
He’d spent the entire day running over the words in his head, trying desperately not to imagine how Eddie would react once the truth was finally out. All he could do was be honest with Eddie, and the rest was completely out of his control. Dr. Copeland would be proud.
Unfortunately, he’s now been standing frozen on Eddie’s doorstep for a solid two minutes, unable to muster up the courage to unlock the door. He briefly considers just bailing, getting in his Jeep and driving off, texting Eddie some excuse and burying his feelings deep inside, hoping they never appear again.
He’s about two seconds from running away when the front door opens, revealing Eddie on the other side, his face the picture of confusion. God, he’s so beautiful. Buck feels like he can’t breathe.
“You okay, man?” Eddie asks, his brows furrowed in concern. “I heard your Jeep pull in like five minutes ago. Thought something might be wrong.”
Buck can feel Eddie’s eyes scanning him, checking for injuries, focusing on his leg and making sure Buck wasn’t hurt. The display of care makes Buck feel like he’s choking on all this goddamn love he has for the man in front of him, but he manages to swallow it down and force a smile.
“Sorry, I was just talking to Maddie on the drive over. You know how she gets,” he says in a surprisingly level tone. Eddie’s concern dissipates, replaced by a smile that Buck swears is brighter than sunshine.
“All good, man. Come on in, I already have everything ready.” Eddie steps away from the door, making his way into the kitchen, and Buck manages to make it inside the doorway and shut the door behind him. Stepping into the Diaz house feels more like coming home than anything else ever has, and he feels the words threatening to spill out.
“Hey, uh—before we get started, I need to talk to you about something,” Buck calls out, making sure Eddie can hear him. Eddie reappears in the doorway, the look of concern back on his face.
“Is everything okay?” Eddie looks worried, and it feels almost like love, and that makes what he has to say next that much harder.
“Everything’s fine, I just—I just need to talk to you.” Eddie nods slowly, leaning against the wall expectantly. “So, I have kind of a lot to say, and I just need you to listen.”
“Okay, do we want to order food first? I thought we could maybe get pizza, or try that new Chinese place—"
“Eddie,” Buck cuts him off. “Please, just listen.” Eddie nods again and gestures for him to continue. “Okay. Here goes.” He takes a deep breath, steeling himself for what he’s about to say. “I love you,” he says simply, his voice steady. “I’m in love with you, Eddie.”
Eddie’s expression is unchanged, betraying absolutely nothing. Buck forces himself to continue.
“And I know I have absolutely no right to say that to you, and I would never want to mess up things with you and Ana, but I knew I would literally go crazy if I went one more day without telling you how I feel. And I just need you to know—you’re my best friend, and one of the best people I’ve ever known, and the only person who’s ever made me feel like I had a home somewhere.” He lets out a breath as he finishes, still holding eye contact with Eddie, who says nothing. Buck feels panic rising up in his throat. “Eddie, will you please say something?” he blurts out.
Eddie just takes a shaky breath and looks down. “I don’t—I don’t really know what to say.” He doesn’t sound angry, just—sad, almost.
“You don’t have to say anything.” Buck clears his throat and starts towards the door. “I’m just—I’m just gonna go now.” Eddie says nothing, and when Buck glances over his shoulder one last time before he leaves, he sees Eddie turning his back to him.
Buck shuts the door behind him, goes to his Jeep, and breaks down sobbing.
Bobby suspects something might be wrong when Eddie calls in sick to his shift. Eddie has never once called in sick, but hey, maybe the guy needed a day off. No big deal, he’ll go check on him later to make sure he’s not dying.
But he knows something is wrong when Buck shows up to his shift with his eyes red rimmed from crying and refusing to talk to anyone about what’s wrong. On about hour 18 of their 24 hour shift, he finds Buck crying in the bunk room, face pressed into the pillow of his bed like he’s trying to muffle the sound.
“Buck,” Bobby says gently. “Is everything okay?” Buck startles at the sound of Bobby’s voice and wrenches himself into a sitting position.
“No, I’m—I’m fine Cap, I swear,” Buck says, the tears still coming from his eyes significantly undermining the validity of his statement.
“Buck, you’re not fine.” Buck refuses to meet Bobby’s eyes, but it’s still not difficult to figure out the gist of what’s going on. “Did something happen with Eddie?”
Buck’s eyes snap to meet him at that. “What? No—no, nothing happened with Eddie, we’re—we’re fine, great actually, why would you think something happened?”
Bobby says nothing, just raises his eyebrow in what Hen has frequently referred to as the “dad look,” AKA the look he gives May, Harry, or, sometimes, Buck when he knows they’re not telling the truth. Buck breaks almost instantly.
“I’m in love with Eddie,” Buck blurts out. Bobby just nods, not at all surprised. He’s watched them dance around each other for years now, anyone with eyes could see they’re in love with each other. “And I told him. And he didn’t say anything. And now I’m pretty sure he hates me.”
Bobby just takes a deep breath, placing a comforting hand on Buck’s shoulder. “Buck, I don’t think you could ever do anything to make Eddie hate you. Why don’t you just tell me everything that happened, from the beginning?”
Buck takes a deep breath as if he’s bracing himself, and starts talking.
When Eddie hears the knock at his door, he’s expecting it to be Buck, or Ana, or even his abuela coming to make sure he’s not wasting away. He’s definitely not expecting Bobby.
“Cap,” Eddie says, confused and more than a little concerned, his mind immediately jumping to all the worst case scenarios of why his fire captain would be on his doorstep. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”
“Just checking up on you,” Bobby says reassuringly. “You don’t normally call in sick, figured it must be something bad.” He raises an eyebrow and Eddie knows in that instant that Bobby can tell something is wrong. Every thought in his brain must be written all over his face.
“Uh—maybe you should come in.” Bobby nods and steps past him, going to sit on the couch and motioning for Eddie to sit across from him. Eddie obliges, sinking into the cushions and trying to figure out how the hell he’s going to explain all of this.
“So, are you feeling alright?” Bobby probes gently. “If you’re coming down with something, the rest of us should probably go get checked out. Buck especially, he was looking a little under the weather today.”
Bobby is many things, but subtle is not one of them. “He told you, didn’t he?” Eddie asks bluntly.
“Yes, yes he did,” Bobby responds, not even trying to deny it. He leans forward slightly and raises a questioning eyebrow. “Do you want to tell me why you called in sick today after your best friend told you he loved you?”
Eddie’s head spins at hearing it out loud again. His thoughts have been a mess since the other night, every part of his brain screaming something different and driving him absolutely crazy. He’s got a million things he could say, but the one that comes out is, “I broke up with Ana.”
Bobby looks only mildly surprised at that. “So I see you were busy on your day off.”
He can’t seem to stop the words from spilling out now, all of his thoughts from the past two days refusing to stay locked away. “I just—it never felt right with her, not really, and I didn’t understand why. We never even—we never even slept together, and I didn’t ever even really want to, which doesn’t make any sense. I mean, Ana’s perfect. She’s everything I’m supposed to want, everything I’m supposed to have, and I just—didn’t want to let go of that.” Eddie takes a deep breath, leaning his head back against the couch as if he can somehow collect his thoughts. “And then Buck said— that, and I just didn’t know what I felt anymore. But I knew I couldn’t keep lying to Ana, it wasn’t fair to her. And now I have no idea what I’m supposed to do.” He finishes and lifts his head to find Bobby staring at him with a pensive expression.
“Do you remember last year, when I told you that some people become so focused on what they don’t have that they lose the chance to have something real?” Bobby says gently. Eddie nods, remembering that conversation vividly. That talk had prompted him to ask Ana out, made him realize how stuck he still was on Shannon, helped him to finally move on. “Eddie, I wasn’t talking about Ana. I was talking about Buck.”
That knocks the breath out of Eddie’s lungs. “Wh—What? What are you saying?” Eddie manages to get out.
Bobby just laughs. “Eddie, I’ve known the both of you for a while now. You work like clockwork together in the field, you spend all your free time together, you trust him to take care of your son, you put him in your will for god’s sake.” Having all of it laid out like that stuns Eddie into silence. “All I’m saying is, if you’re looking for something real—you’ve got it.”
Eddie doesn’t have the breath or the words to respond, but he manages a nod. Bobby smiles at him, standing up and clapping him on the shoulder before heading towards the door.
“Oh, and just for the record,” Bobby says, turning around, “You should really talk to him sooner rather than later. The kid’s about to drive himself crazy and I don’t think you want that.” And with that, Bobby walks out the door, leaving Eddie in a silent house to attempt to collect his thoughts.
Something real. He knows he wants that. He’s wanted it for so long, so desperately that he was ready to jump back in with Shannon despite everything.
He’s known for a while now that he never could have had something real with Shannon. Not after everything, not after Afghanistan, not after abandoning her twice, not after waking up to an empty bed with nothing but a note for comfort. Not after she was ready to leave him a second time, her love for him long since faded, nothing but a distant memory. But he still remembers how it felt to have something real with her, those brief shining days when they were happy and in love, before the darkness crept in and tore them apart. He still feels the pain of losing her sometimes, like a phantom pain, a ghost who he still sometimes feels haunting him.
But he so badly wanted something real. Wanted someone who he could love, who he could trust, both with himself and with Christopher. He wanted it so desperately that he almost convinced himself he could find it with Ana, spending months and months going on boring dates, lying in bed at night and telling himself over and over again how nice it was to be with her, pretending that easy was the same thing as happy.
He hadn’t understood why he never felt that connection with Ana, that spark, that unconditional trust he knew was essential to him having something real.
And then Buck had stood in front of him and told him he loved him, and Eddie’s brain had come to a screeching halt. He didn’t believe him at first, and he honestly still isn’t sure he does, but those three words from Buck had completely changed his perspective.
He’d been looking for something real for so long, desperately chasing it with Shannon and then with Ana, and he’d missed what was standing right in front of him the entire time. Buck was his chance to have something real. His chance to be happy—to be loved. And he wasn’t about to let it slip away. Because he knows now. He knows why it had never felt right with Ana, why he had always felt off-kilter whenever they were together, and Buck always made him feel like he was on solid ground.
Just make sure you’re following your heart, not Christopher’s.
Carla’s words from months ago echo in his brain, and it’s as if that’s the final straw, the last thing he needs to hear to finally make this right. For once in his life, he’s going to follow his heart. And he knows exactly where he needs to go.
It’s been three days since he told Eddie he loved him, and Buck is now a completely different kind of miserable. He hasn’t heard anything from Eddie, no texts, no calls, nothing. Eddie had even called in sick yesterday, probably because he couldn’t stand to be around Buck. He wouldn’t be surprised if Eddie put in for a transfer soon. He only hopes they’ll be able to work something out so that he can still see Christopher.
Taylor has been a fantastic shoulder to cry on the past few days, and has told him multiple times how much of an idiot Eddie is for not immediately falling to his knees and proposing marriage after Buck confessed to him. It helps a little bit, but he still feels like his heart has been shattered beyond repair.
He keeps opening his contacts and clicking on Eddie’s, finger hovering over the call button but never daring to press it. He would never want to push Eddie or risk hurting him any more than he already has. But still, everything in him screams out for Eddie.
In his dreams, he lives the scene over again, except this time Eddie pins him against the door and kisses him until he can’t breathe, or he screams at him and tells him to never speak to him again. He wakes up in tears from both.
Every waking moment, he replays his words over in his head, trying to figure out if he could have done something differently, but after a while he’s forced to face the truth. Eddie just doesn’t feel the same way.
He almost misses silently pining, because at least then he could pretend he still had a chance. Now there’s no hope at all.
He’s laying on his bed again, unable to move or do much of anything, ignoring his phone every time it vibrates on his bedside table, already knowing that it’s either Taylor or Maddie calling to check on him. Maddie hadn’t even said anything when he’d told her, she’d just held open her arms and let him fall into them, breaking down crying while she held him tightly to her.
He doesn’t even have the energy for tears anymore. There’s nothing left to feel except regret, and the constant, suffocating love he has for Eddie, which he’s certain is never going away. He’s resigned himself to a long, lonely life of being in love with the one person he can never have, and he’s miserable.
A knock at the door startles Buck out of his thoughts, and he’s half-tempted to just ignore it. But then a second knock comes, more forcefully, and he drags himself out of bed, if only to save his door from being broken down. It’s probably just Taylor coming to make sure he’s not dead.
Buck opens the door and feels his breath catch in his throat. It’s not Taylor. It’s Eddie.
“Hi,” Eddie breathes out. “Can I come in?” Buck can’t do anything but nod, dumbfounded, and step aside to let Eddie in.
Buck manages to find words after staring for a solid thirty seconds at Eddie pacing in the living room, refusing to look Buck in the eye. “Um—are you okay?”
“Shut up, Buck,” Eddie finally says, but there’s no heat behind the words. He finally stops pacing and takes a deep breath, looking Buck in the eye at last. “Did you mean what you said to me the other night?”
Buck is almost too shocked by Eddie’s acknowledgement of his confession to even respond, but he manages to find words. “Of—of course I meant it. Every word.” Eddie’s face does something complicated at that. “Eddie, are you—are you okay?”
Eddie says nothing, just turns away for a long moment. The seconds stretch on into what feels like hours, days, years, of Buck just staring at Eddie and trying desperately to figure him out.
He finally whirls back around, and the expression on his face is nothing like Buck has ever seen before. “Say it again.”
He’s momentarily stunned, but then the words come as easy as breathing. “I love you.”
Eddie steps closer to him, and Buck can’t move. “Again.”
“I love you.” Eddie steps even closer. Buck can feel the warmth radiating from him. He could count the freckles on Eddie’s face. “Eddie, what are you—”
Eddie cuts him off. “Just—one more time. Please.” His voice is almost a whisper, like anything louder would break this strange bubble they’re in.
And Buck could never deny Eddie anything, especially not when he says it like that. “I love you,” he says softly.
Eddie just nods, and Buck doesn’t know what to do. He feels frozen to the spot, hovering on the edge of something, but unable to take that final step.
“I just needed to hear it again. So I knew it wasn’t a dream.” He’s never seen Eddie like this before. He’s not sure what to do with it.
“Are you saying you dream about me?” he says as an attempt at banter, but it comes out far too soft to be considered playful.
Eddie’s eyes lock with his. He’s so close he can feel Eddie’s breath on his face.
“I’m saying I’d be lying if I said I haven’t dreamt about doing this every night for the past year,” Eddie says firmly.
Buck can barely breathe, let alone speak. “Doing what?”
Eddie leans in and kisses him.
He’s frozen for a split second as his brain processes that holy shit, Eddie’s kissing him, before finally responding. His lips move against Eddie’s, and it’s like nothing he’s ever felt before. He’s so in love with him it hurts, and Eddie is kissing him, and his lips are so soft, and Buck is pretty sure he could fly right now if Eddie asked him to.
Eddie’s the one to break the kiss, pulling away slightly to rest his forehead against Buck’s. “Say it again. Please.” He can feel Eddie’s breath on his face with each word. It feels somehow more intimate than the kiss.
“I love you,” he says softly. Eddie smiles, and Buck swears it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.
“I love you too,” Eddie says, his voice so quiet it’s almost a whisper. “I never thought—I never thought I could be happy like this. I never thought I would find someone who makes me feel the way you do.”
Eddie’s gaze is locked with his, so open and honest that Buck has no doubt he means every word of what he says. “I want to make you happy. I always have. And I never thought I could feel about someone the way I feel about you.”
Eddie kisses him again, a brief press of lips, almost like a reassurance, a confirmation that he feels the same way. Buck feels like he might cry at the softness of the gesture, at Eddie always seeing him so clearly and knowing exactly what to do.
“I thought I wouldn’t ever get to have this,” Buck admits, blinking back tears. “I thought I didn’t deserve it.”
Eddie takes Buck’s face between his hands, the calluses on his palms scraping against the stubble on Buck’s cheeks. “I swear, I will spend every day for the rest of my life telling you how much I love you,” he says fiercely, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “Because you deserve it, Buck. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved.”
Buck can’t help but let the tears fall now, pouring down his cheeks at Eddie’s words. He doesn’t know how to handle it, and all he can feel is a deep, overwhelming love for Eddie, for this amazing man standing in front of him who’s telling him he loves him, telling him he deserves to be happy.
“I love you so much,” he chokes out. Eddie’s smile is brighter than sunshine, and he swears it lights up the room.
“I love you too,” Eddie whispers back, tears spilling down his cheeks.
He thinks those are probably the best four words he’s ever heard in his life, and he’s so unbelievably, overwhelmingly in love with Eddie at that moment that all he can do is kiss him again.
Eddie responds enthusiastically, sliding his arms around Buck to pull him in closer, pressing their bodies together as their lips move against each other.
And in that moment, as he’s standing in the middle of his apartment, sunlight streaming through the windows, Eddie’s arms around him and his lips pressed against his own, Buck has never felt more in love.