Metempsychosis

by Junglelatte

Summary:

me·tem·psy·cho·sis
/ˌmedəmˌsīˈkōsəs,məˌtemsəˈkōsəs/
noun
the supposed transmigration at death of the soul of a human being or animal into a new body of the same or a different species.

 

Set after the events of Mass Effect 3.

It has been a month since the Reapers were destroyed. All technology has crumbled, and much of Earth is a pile of ash and rubble. The famed Commander Shepard has not been seen since before the final assault to the Citadel. After a month of radio silence, a message has finally gone through to her famous ship, The Normandy, and her crew has begun making their way back to Earth. Liara struggles to cope with the fact that her bondmate- her love, might have perished in the fight. With no contact for a month, many assume the worse. Garrus tries to step up in Shepard's place, but tensions rise as rumors of a new enemy come to fruition. EDI and the Geth are seemingly inactive, but not totally destroyed.

When Shepard's body is found by an old friend, things aren't as they seem. There are other parties at work, and nobody is sure if they are with them or against them.

Chapter 1: Blood-Iron

Summary:

A re-awakening of sorts. Shepard gains and regains consciousness conatatly. An old friend helps her out, again.

Notes:

AHHHHHHHHHH first things first, this is my first fic in a WHILE. really did a whole timeskip. who knew id go from writing steven universe fics to getting all emotional over mass effect and WRITING a mass effect fic. this time i have my bestie @viccoochie beta reading for me. ty queen <3 ik you dont know shit about mass effect but u clean it up anyway <3

There’s a moment where she sees everything she’s done flash by her eyes. It all happens in seconds. The moment the blazing light from Sovereign reaches her, every memory burns in her mind. Every ship she’s ever lived on. Torfan. Virmire. The Collectors. Curing the Genophage. The alliance between the Geth and Quarians. Thessia. The final push to save Earth. All of it. It rushes through her head. None of it makes sense and she is moments away from simply letting go, allowing her end to come, but she is dragged back. 

The Citadel smells like death. Shepard limps through the seemingly endless hallways with corpses lining the walls. The grotesque smell burns her nostrils. I can’t stop moving. No choice. Keep putting each foot forward. Ignore the pain. And Keep. Walking. Her skull feels as if it's being cracked from the inside. Her eyes feel heavy. She’s so tempted to just let go. Her mind echoes with the sound of metal on metal; like a hammer to an anvil-- Like claws raking through her mind, she tries to push past it and keep moving. She stumbles and falls on the cold floor, her hands soaked with the blood of thousands. Keep moving . She’s waiting for you to come home.

Everything happens and it doesn’t at the same time. Anderson’s death and the Illusive Man-- it all feels real. It should be real. Shepard feels the weight of the pistol. The smell of blood, the tears on her face, it was all real. She feels it all. The Catalyst, the choices, it was a lose-lose situation. She had one goal going into this, and she had made sure that she wouldn’t stop until it was done: stop the Reapers. 

So why does it feel like a lie? Is it really done? She feels the explosion, the heat from the blast singes her face. The loss of feeling in her arm, the exhaustion taking over, it was all real. Wake up. Wake up. WAKE UP. YOU AREN’T FINISHED. 

A slight intake of breath is all it takes. The pressure from the rubble is everywhere. She can’t open her eyes. Everything feels cold. There’s a strange tingling feeling on her right side, and she nearly senses it practically melted to her skin. There is complete pain and no pain at all. Her mind spins as neurons and synapses fire at an alarming rate: it's overwhelming and it hurts. She wants to scream, cry, run, celebrate, crawl, move, anything. 

There’s cold drops on her face. She can’t move a single muscle, but the feeling of cold rain seems to do something to her body. Her breath is strained and she can’t open her eyes. Not yet. 

There’s a… sound in her mind. Calling to her. It sings a melody of reprieve. There are no words, simply feelings. She swears she hears footsteps, some sound in her mind’s periphery, but she isn’t sure. Moments after she gains consciousness, she loses it again. 

________

When she regains her mind, things feel different. There is no longer a surrounding pressure. The smell of blood and iron in her mouth is replaced with an overwhelmingly sterile smell, like a hospital. Perhaps that is where she is? Open your eyes, Shepard. Fight through it. Where are you? 

She is only able to crack her eyes open briefly, and is met with blinding light and the incessant beeping of a heart rate monitor. There’s also voices, none she recognizes at the moment, but voices nonetheless. 

 

When did I last hear other people? Wasn’t I trapped and unable to move?

 

Shepard shifts to look, but a surge of pain goes up from her feet, up her spine, and into the base of her skull. Eyes shut, a hand lightly pushes her back down.

 

She’s on some sort of cot, that much she can tell. The more her body gains awareness the stranger the situation gets. She nearly chokes on the various tubes running along and inside her body, sutures in various places, and slightly dampened bandages. The outside voices talk again worriedly. There’s the incessant tapping of an omnitool. Count what you see. Ground yourself. Stay awake.

 

Another moment passes. She’s not sure how long, but the intense fluorescent lighting has been dimmed, and a silhouette stands at attention. Shepard tries to move again, and the slight shift on the cot catches the attention of the individual.

 

“Shepard? Please refrain from moving at the moment. We aren’t sure about your test results, and your body is severely damaged. I don’t want you undoing my handiwork.” 

 

The familiar Australian accent seems to stir something in her mind. Miranda? Shepard forces her eyes open. There’s a brief adjustment period, her eyes blurring as they focus on the figure looming above her. She recognizes Miranda’s black hair, noticing the dark circles under her eyes. What happened? Where am I? Is the fight still on? Why am I not out there? Speak, dammit! Shepard attempts to open her mouth to protest, but all that comes out is a pathetic groan, and Miranda moves out of her eyesight. She blacks out again.

Miranda looks down on her friend, reminded of her time working on the Lazarus Project. Rebuilding Shepard is her life's work, she didn’t expect to find her in this state. When the Alliance search party had found the Commander’s seemingly lifeless corpse buried under rubble, she’d received a call from Admiral Hacket. When he’d explained what he’d found, she’d been speechless. She’d cried for an hour after. There had been no word from the Normandy, either. She would have to revive Shepard again, but this time she’d be alone. 

Miranda knew she had her work cut out for her. When Shepard’s body was brought out to her, she could barely recognize her friend. Her once freckled skin was bloodied and dirty, with various lacerations across her body. Her recognizable ginger hair was singed. The N7 armor was melted to her body in some places. 

 

And her arm. God, her arm . Completely blown off up to the bicep. She easily had 7 broken ribs and multiple fractures across her body. Her cybernetic implants look like they had short-circuited. Her body was mangled. Miranda couldn’t help but throw up at the sight of her friend. She sobbed, and despair took over her heart. Once she eventually regained her composure, multiple Alliance scientists joined her in the makeshift operating room. There were at least four scheduled surgeries, each would take up to ten hours each. They needed her since none of the doctors understood how Shepard’s cybernetics worked. 

This is way too familiar. God, Shepard. I don’t think I can do this again. Miranda sighed, rubbing her eyes. She began setting up various IV’s and a ventilator. Shepard’s breathing and heartbeat were practically non-existent, and she had to do something. As she placed EKG lead wires all over her body, from her temple to her ankles, Miranda couldn’t help but think about the final confrontation. She hadn't been in London at the time, but as soon as she’d heard the news she’d booked it to the crumbled city in the hopes she’d find Shepard and company. She had been unfortunately let down when Hacket told her the news. Miranda had stayed around a bit, helping in various medical camps where she could. Then the transmissions came through from Alliance brass. They found her, but it was a melody she was too familiar with . She sighed, and started searching through old records on her omnitool that contained notes from the Lazarus Project. Maybe it was too good to believe that her research would never be needed again, but she never really had a say over anything that happened to her, did she?

There was one thing Miranda was told in secret. When they’d found Shepard, there had been a foreign object with her. A strange, metallic arm. It had looked almost like a prosthetic, but it had been made with dark metal. Nobody could identify half the materials. When observing Shepard’s body, Miranda had noticed something odd. Initial scans had shown no signs of shrapnel in her body, but on a closer inspection (and help from Miranda’s own programs) she’d noticed something about Shepard’s heart. The technology she’d put in there was removed and replaced with something she’d never seen before. The construction matched the same blueprints of the arm. It was definitely not Reaper tech, for sure. Whatever knocked the Reapers out had nearly killed Shepard. Whatever Shepard had done worked, but Miranda feared there might be more going on than was let on. 

 

____________

 

After the first surgery was completed, Shepard did not wake up. Her vitals are stable, albeit a bit low. Miranda rubbed her eyes, and stared at her friend. While sipping at a freshly brewed cup of tea, she can’t help but think about the crew of the Normandy-- of Liara. Four months have passed since the Reapers fell, and four months since they found Shepard. Hacket felt sympathy for her, and explained how about a week ago they received a distress call from the Normandy, and have been trying to find a way to help retrieve the ship and her crew. Shepard would most likely wake alone, except for the fact that Miranda was once again fixing her.          

 

Chapter 2: The Photos Keep the Sentiment

Summary:

Liara tries to take in everything that just happened. She remembers every moment leading up to it.

Dialogue is from the extended cut dlc.

Notes:

first things first thank you to those who left kudos on the first chapter! i'm having a fun time writing this and its a nice outlet :)
again, shoutout to @viccoochie for beta reading. i hope i teach you something about mass effect.

i gotta say, that extended cut dialogue hits hard. i wanted to use it in some way bc it HURTS.

Liara’s knuckles went white as she clutched the edge of the sink in the bathroom of the Normandy . Nobody dared to walk in, and if they did they’d be met with the mind of a discomposed Asari. She cried out in horror, knowing they had to leave Shepard behind. Tears poured from her eyes, and she crumbled to the floor. She sobbed quietly to herself.

A Mako flips on its back beside them. Garrus and Liara scramble to the other side while Shepard dives out of the way. The sound of gunfire, Reaper blasts, and screams fill the air. Liara is injured-- some shrapnel or debris hit her in the side. Liara looks down at her side and sees that familiar deep purple blood ooze out. Shepard moves quickly to help her up and move her out of the way. Liara feels the pain seep in, but adrenaline kicks in when she makes eye contact with her love. 

 

“Normandy, do you copy?” Liara hears Shepard call out. “I need an evac right now!”

 

Liara can’t hear the response. Her comms must be destroyed. The static from Shepard’s and Garrus’s comms shrill out. Her heart is hammering out of her chest. We are losing this fight. It can’t be done. Not yet. 

 

The Normandy comes into view, the sides of the ship having taken damage. The paint is heavily chipped, and there’s a faint bit of smoke coming from the back of the ship, but that could be said for the rest of this war-torn human city. 

 

Shepard carefully picks her up and begins cautiously shuffling towards the opening of the ship, Garrus not far behind. Alliance soldiers practically leap from the Normandy and join the Commanders side, heavily armed and primed for action. 

 

“Here. Take her.” Shepard tells Garrus. He moves quickly to sling her arm around his shoulder, holding her steady. 

 

“Shepard…” Liara says weakly. She clutches her bleeding side. The shrapnel must have pierced through the armor. Medigel can’t fix this. 

 

“You gotta get out of here.” There’s that voice. That damned commanding officer tone she uses when she’s being serious. Liara looks at her. Blood drips from a cut under Shepards hair. She’s covered in dirt. There’s a slight limp in her step. She needs to leave too. But Liara can’t take her away this time. 

 

“I’m all right, Shepard…” Liara is lying. She has to be with her for this. She can’t leave her, not like this. Not when she’s so close. 

 

“Don’t argue with me, Liara.” Fuck. Shit. Goddess. Again with that tone. Liara knows she can’t stay with her. Shepards emerald green eyes, dulled over the years, are filled with pain. Her freckles are hidden under dirt and grime. Liara just wants to reach out and wipe it off her face. 

 

“You're not… Leaving me behind.” It's almost pathetic to Liara. Every word comes out more pained than the last. 

 

Shepard begins stepping forward. Liara sees it now. The tears start welling in her eyes. “No matter what happens…” Another set of steps. “You mean everything to me, Liara. You always will.” Shepard’s hand cups her cheek. Both sets of eyes are tearful. Liara’s gut retches out. She can’t leave. Not again. 

 

“Shepard, I…” Liara feels the absence of Shepard’s gloved hand. Her voice cracks. “I am yours…” She reaches out in desperate hope to grasp something she knows she will lose. Shepard is stepping back, holding eye contact as long as possible. Liara searches Shepards eyes for an answer, but the screech of a distant Reaper laser calls the Commander away. 

 

“Go!” Shepard calls out. Liara’s hand falls. She chokes on sobs as Garrus pulls her a bit closer. They both limp into the shuttle bay of the Normandy as it begins to take off. Garrus is stunned into silence. Liara can’t help but cover her mouth. It’s the blood that stops her from covering her face. She sees the mix of purple and red blood, knowing it's time to go. There is no fight left in her. 

_______________

 

Liara looks at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes look heavy and dull, her body stiff from her injuries. Dr. Chawkwas can only do so much on such short notice. Joker is prepping the ship with EDI to jump to FTL. Liara steps out of the bathroom, and makes her way to the cockpit. 

Liara looks out one of the windows, and sees Earth. The palace Shepard spoke so highly of, up in flames. It’s an echo of what it was like on Palaven and Thessia. They fly past hundreds of war ships. There’s debris everywhere. Each ship had someone who believed in Shepard, in her mission. They idolized her. Goddess, they practically worshiped her. Shepard was no longer a person, a commander, a lover. She was an idea, a heroic character in a story she won’t be able to tell again. 

 

That's what made her cry again. All the promises, every loving word said, was it all for nothing?

Liara looks out the window again. Something is happening with the Citadel. Garrus and Tali step up behind her. They look in astonishment. The Crucible and the Citadel-- docked. 

 

“Goddess… She did it.” Liara whispers, pride and hurt in her voice. 

 

“Keelah… How did she even make it? When we left, it was complete devastation.” Tali adds. Despite the helmet obscuring her face, Liara knew the Quarians face was full of shock and respect. 

Nothing happens for five minutes. Why isn’t it working? Liara slaved over decrypting those blueprints for hours. That can’t be it. Why wasn’t anything happening? Liara stepped up to the window, palms on the glass. No. No. No. No. This can't be it. Please Goddess I beg you don’t let this be it .

 

Then a flash as energy gathers up by the crucible. A blinding, orange light, brighter than Earth’s sun. She hears Joker barking out commands to engineers and other crewmates. Evacuate . The word echoes through her ear, and rings louder than a gunshot. She quickly runs over to where he is sitting. 

 

“We can’t leave her!” Liara cries out.

 

“You want to be disintegrated into nothing? We have to go now!” James decides to throw in. 

 

Joker looks like he is holding back tears. His hands swipe across the interface, one hundred percent focused. “Everyone out of the cockpit!” He yells, his voice pained. It's not like he also left a friend behind. 

It’s chaos. Everyone is scrambling trying to get to their stations. The Normandy is being pushed to her limits. They jump through the mass relay in the nick of time at FTL speed. Stars blaze behind them, but the amber light is catching them. They don’t know where they are going, just far from the war. The light engulfs the ship, and it shakes to a stop. People fall over, Liara clutches on the handrailing. 

 

The ship begins falling into the orbit of some planet. It’s dark, except for the emergency lights. Joker calls out for EDI, but the AI doesn’t respond. Liara watches as he takes manual control of the ship, pulling up to ease up the landing. The surface of the planet begins to come into view. It's a lush jungle. The wings of the Normandy catch ablaze from the abrupt entry into the planet's atmosphere. The landing is rough, but as Joker loves to say, any landing you can walk away from is a good one .

The dust settles and everyone holds their breath. People stand up and look around. There’s cheering, crying, joyful sounds. Liara can’t help but feel her soul dampen. She isn’t here to share this. She’d tell them to get their asses back to their stations and find a way to get home.

Liara walks away, and lets out a silent sob. 

 

Chapter 3: you probably needed someone around you

Summary:

Miranda looks for a solution. Shepard has her own issues.
Chapter title from Blue Coupe by Twin Peaks

Notes:

OK HEY EVERYONE, been a bit! trying to have a weekly posting but i always get inspiration at the weirdest times. school kicks my ass yada yada yada, enjoy this chapter! some crazy stuff goes down but i do like how its turned out. thank you for those leaving comments!!!

sorry, just realized a small issue with the posting date! should be good now :)

Miranda furiously typed away at her omni-tool. Her brow furrowed as the test results came back inconclusive. She grumbled a few curses under her breath, and shut down her tool. Running a hand through her disheveled hair, Miranda looked down at Shepard’s body on the cot. Heart rate? Normal. Blood pressure too. It doesn’t make sense… 

Every test she ran came back with the best results. Shepard should be alive and awake, but something is holding the commander hostage. Things had been looking good for the past week, as most of the minor injuries had healed and the process for mending her broken bones had gone well. Brain activity and eye movement had gone up as well, but it didn’t tell Miranda enough about the situation. Her friend was alive and aware, but her consciousness was elsewhere. Then came the issues of her cybernetics. While her recovery had been going well, her immune system and nervous system was not ready for a full procedure to replace everything. The initial surgeries to remove debris and broken shards of bone had gone through without issue. Miranda turned to the clock on the wall, realizing it was well past midnight. She turned to the other doctor in the room.

“Anya, I’m going to rest. Wake me if you need anything. And I mean it.”

The younger doctor, Doctor Anya Michaels, nodded to Miranda, and moved to take her place by Shepard. She was glad the younger doctor was so willing to work with her. Anya had quickly learned the ins-and-outs of how Shepard’s cybernetic implants functioned, and already begun helping Miranda work on the replacement parts. 

Miranda stepped out of the operating room, and made her way outside. She breathed in the cold London air and sighed. She was unsure of where this would lead her. Ah yes, a former Cerberus scientist, technically still labeled as a terrorist. It’s a wonder Hackett allowed me in the first place and didn’t just shoot me once I shared how I fixed Shepard. 

Miranda looked up at the sky. A majority of the skyscrapers had fallen and the city was not lit up like it used to be. Millions of stars dotted the sky, reminding Miranda of the countless hours she spent just looking out the windows on the Normandy. There was always something so comforting about the stars, the silence of space. Miranda shook her head and laughed to herself. She thought of the Normandy crew and prayed to every god around-- human or not, that they had made it safely somewhere. 

 

____________________

A heartbeat. 

 

The sound louder than any drum rang through her mind. Blood was rushing throughout her body like a tsunami on an unassuming town. The screech of metal on metal, nails driven into her mind. She wanted to scream, yell, fight, but found her body unmoving. She looked down to where she stood in the dark place, noticing the faint outline of her body. Her eyes counted her legs, her arms-- 

 

Wait.

 

She looked again, and it hit her harder than a rocket would. Her right arm was gone. No fingers, no palm, no forearm, the elbow was nowhere to be seen. Just a useless stump of nothing. She reached with her other arm and felt nothing but air. She crumpled to the floor of the desolate vision, and clenched her teeth, as if all the pain had come rushing back to her at once.

 

She started to see it all more clearly. The floor was a black abyss-- there were no walls, just empty space. There was a deafening silence, except for the ever present high pitched ringing noise in her head. Once Shepard regained herself she stood up slowly, almost falling over at the sudden realization of not having an arm. She looked around, trying to figure out where she was. She took into stock what she was wearing: Some black sweatpants, combat boots, a loose black shirt. Her hair felt longer. The normal short cut she kept had begun to grow out around her ears and neck. She felt a sudden awareness of being.

 

 

Footsteps at your six. Her mind told her.

 

 

Shepard quickly turned around and noticed a figure slowly walking towards her. Once her eyes focused, the darkness seemed to grow around the figure, and they fizzled out from sight. She spun around, feeling the hair on the back of her neck begin to stand. The figure was still far from her, and once again, once she focused on it, the darkness took over the figure. 

 

Shepard growled out in frustration. 

 

“Stop hiding! Show yourself, dammit!” She yelled, feeling a dryness in her throat.

 

The high-pitched noise in the back of her mind grew louder. She stepped around in a circle, covering all angles and was met with the inky blackness again. Shepard felt her heart beating in her throat. Her palm sweated and her eyes shifted with each sign of movement.

 

Whatever was out there was playing with her. Treating her as injured prey, playing with their food. Cowards. 

 

 

Then she saw it. The figure had moved into her line of sight, standing with its arms lose at its side, back hunched forward. It had no start and no end-- seeming to connect to the darkness around it. Shepard noticed one thing: A bright set of eyes, glowing a bright orange and staring into her. 

 

Shepard staggered back a bit and grit her teeth, narrowing her eyes at the figure.

 

“Shepard,” It said in a deep and echoey voice. There’s an underlying tone of danger in the voice that makes Shepard flinch. 

 

She breathes in, trying to regain her confidence. “That’s it? I fight an unwinnable war only to be met with some never ending hellscape within my mind?” 

 

 

She spits out bitterly. Her mind spins trying to think of what to say. Her breath gets heavy, and her voice catches in her throat. “That's it? After everything I've done this is it?” 

 

 

Tears threaten to escape her eyes. The figure takes a step forward, and she lifts a hand. 

 

“No. Stop.” Her hand falls to her side. Breathing in, she closes her eyes and thinks. Answers. One step at a time.

 

“Who are you?” 

 

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Nothing?”

 

“Yes.” 

 

There's a pause. There is no moving mouth on the shadowy figure. Her nails dig into her palm. Blood trickles off her nails, or maybe it's all part of whatever the hell is going on in her mind now. 

 

 

She thinks again, and nods to herself.

 

 

“Where are we?”

 

“You do not know?”

 

“Why else would I ask?”

 

 

The figure seems to shift a bit, seemingly annoyed. Shepard’s lip quirks a bit. Gotcha. 

 

“This is a place your mind and soul retreat to when you enter your fight-or-flight reflexes. Humans are usually unaware of this realm, as your minds are not developed enough to perceive it.”

 

Ouch. That's a low blow, ominous voice. 

 

 

“You won’t tell me what you are?”

 

The figure seems to glare at her. It takes a step forward.

 

“You would be unable to understand the complexity of what you see. You know what I am, but it seems your body refuses to acknowledge it.” The figure shifts in the darkness, its size growing and its limbs becoming part of the darkness. Dark tendrils start to fill Shepards vision. The eyes on the figure glow brighter-- angrier. 

 

Shit. 

 

Shepard tries to move backwards, but feels her feet locked in place. The darkness has begun to take hold of her boots, sneaking its way up her body. 

 

“One day you will thank us. You are unaware of what we’ve done for humanity. You will take your place by us one day. But that day is far past your lifetime, Shepard. Start planning. Your body is going into shock.”

 

___________

 

The beeping from the heart rate monitor goes from a steady 60 beats per minute, to an alarming 80. 90. 100. 120. Doctor Anya jumps in place, and begins moving around the room, checking Shepard’s medication. She types quickly into her omni-tool, and seconds later, Miranda bursts into the room, pulling her coat over and snapping on gloves.

 

“Anya, what the hell happened when I was gone?”

 

 

“I- I don’t know! She was fine then she suddenly started having a fit!”

 

Miranda could tell Anya was terrified. 

 

“40 milligrams of Propofol, now.” Miranda ordered.

 

The younger doctor quickly filled the syringe and injected it into the IV Shepard was hooked up to. Miranda looked down to physically assess Shepard and nearly dropped her datapad.

 

Blood was dripping from Shepard's nose. What the hell is going on? Shepard’s body was beginning to shift in place, small jumbles of words coming from the woman's mouth. Miranda watched as the rest of the syringe was emptied, and placed her hands on Shepard’s shoulders to hold her in place. After fifteen painfully long seconds, Shepard’s heart rate returned to a normal pace, and Miranda sighed. 

 

She dug through a drawer for gauze to clean up the blood from Shepard’s nose. Miranda’s brain was wracked with questions. What kind of coma causes nosebleeds and seizures? 

 

Miranda took off the gloves and tossed them in the trash once she was finished. She leaned against the counter and shut her eyes. 

 

“I’ll leave you, Miss Lawson.” Anya said, and quickly left the room, not wanting to agitate the woman. 

 

Miranda took another look at Shepard. She looks so peaceful, despite whatever just happened. God, when did this woman last sleep? Miranda felt a pang of sadness. Meeting Shepard for the first time (outside of the reconstruction of her during Project Lazarus) was a bit like meeting a celebrity. She knew the woman outside of the armor, outside of the bloody war She knew the woman who was cocky, brave,and kind Who fought for everyone even when they spat at her. If there was anything she could promise Shepard, she would promise her that she will see everyone again, and the woman would get a damn break for once.

 

She shook her head. Some day, Shepard, I will personally pay for a vacation that doesn’t involve getting shot at, but I bet Liara would rather cover the cost for me. You got lucky there. I’m so proud of you.

 

Miranda looked back at Shepard, and smiled a bit. 

 

Her mind clicked into place. Miranda’s mouth held agape. 

 

 

She knew what to do. 

 

 

Miranda quickly pulled out the chair by the terminal and began to type away. 

 

Chapter 4: i'm always pushing you away from me

Summary:

The crew of the crashed Normandy get things going. Liara and Garus talk.

Notes:

WOOOOOO BABY ITS BEEN A MINUTE HUH??? i finally got some free time to write again, so expect a BEEFY N7 day chapter!!! hopefully now that i have more time i can post more. thank you again for leaving comments!

again, ty to my bestie for beta reading (vicky, if u are seeing this <3)

The Normandy had crashed on some unnamed planet. The crew referred to the planet as Amazonia , the planet’s namesake coming from a forest on Earth. Thick trees and jagged cliffs surrounded the crash site, creating a natural wall around the ship. It had been about a week since the Normandy crashed on the planet, and communications with other vessels and the Alliance was still out. Going straight to work, the crew made any repairs they could. Tali had been the one leading internal repairs, with the help of Gabriella Daniels and Kenneth Donnelly, while external repairs were led by Steve Cortez and Greg Adams. Shepard’s close crew, her “inner circle,” had their own work as well. Garrus and James Vega restored the weapons systems. Ashley was assisting in securing food with the help of Doctor Chakwas. Javik and Liara seemed to be the only ones excused from working, for the right reasons. 

Despite the hit in morale taken when there was no news of Commander Shepard, the crew refused to give up hope. If their Commander could come back from the dead once, she’d sure as hell do it again. 

Day and night the crew of the Normandy worked on repairs. The process should have been much slower due to EDI’s inactivity, but the crew was determined to find answers. Every morning they’d send a small group out to survey the area, looking for anything really. Edible plants, predators, alien races, anything to give the crew hope. For the time being, they hadn’t gotten very far in terms of exploration. They’ve maybe seen a few miles off the perimeter of the crash site, but are still unaware of what lies beyond those miles. Amazonia only gave them a few answers: the plants were just as shaken up as the stranded crew. 

At night, people changed watch shifts. Nothing too formal, just someone out there to keep an eye out for anything. Most nights those on watch would get to enjoy a moment of peace and silence, or sit miserably with their own thoughts.

 

_______

Liara stood outside of the currently decommissioned Normandy. The cool air whispered through the tall and foreign trees, creating a silent chorus of nature. The air was almost too clean for Liara, as she had been used to the recycled air on ships and the crowded atmosphere of Illium. It felt calming, as if nature itself was trying to wrap her in a blanket of serenity. For Liara, it all felt like her vulnerability was being held in front of her. Everything felt wrong to her. She was grateful for her life, but she can’t help but feel like she betrayed what Shepard stood for. Nobody left behind, right?

Liara sighed and reached for the dog tags dangling from her neck. She ran her fingers over the dulled lettering and swallowed hard. Shepard was just in her grasp, she could feel her hair, her face, her emotions. And just as quickly as she got her back, she fell away again. Liara loves Shepard with every fiber of her being, but maybe she needs to do something about how often she loses her. 

Liara feels a mournful smile overcome her face, and looks down at the dog tags in her hand. Her stomach dropped reading over the name engraved into the metal. She feels her eyes water, and her open palm turns into a white-knuckled fist. She brings her hand to her chest and sobs. Why does the hero fall? Was it never enough to the world for Shepard to give everything? Did they have to take her again? 

As Liara silently sobbed to herself, she heard footsteps approaching from behind. She slowly reached for the pistol holstered on her side, and once the footsteps were close enough, she drew the weapon and aimed it at the assailant. She immediately dropped the weapon and stepped back, rubbing her forehead.

“Garrus! I... didn’t realize it was you.” Liara said, breathing a bit heavily and holstering the weapon.

“No worries, Liara. It would take more than a bullet to take me down. Hell— It took a whole missile firing at my face to even injure me.”

Liara lets out a breathy laugh. She looked back at the Turrian, and sighed.

“You miss her, don’t you?”

Liara stood silently for a beat. “And you don’t miss her?”

The mandibles on Garrus’s face flicked. He looked at her, and then quickly turned.

“Well—I... Hmm…” 

Garrus stopped in place, scratching the back of his neck.

“It’s alright, Garrus. We grieve in different ways.”

“Well, I don’t grieve. There’s no point to it. I know she will come back. I’ll end up back in Omega, having mercs shoot at me and then next thing I know Shepard will stroll in asking me to help on another suicide mission. She always comes back.”

Liara could see that Garrus was lying. His body language exposed him. His eyes darted between Liara and the floor, and he fumbled with his hands. She stepped up to him, and looked him in the eye.

“She loved you just as much as she loved me. You don’t need to act all bottled up.”

Garrus stepped back. He growled under his breath and brought his hands to his face.

“Dammit, Liara, not all of us know how to!”

Silence. The two aliens sat on the ground, both not knowing what to say. Liara knew Shepard would want the two of them to work together and find a way back to her. The two most important people in Shepard's life. Her lover, and her ride or die best friend.  

“We’re walking in circles. Come on, let's head back inside.” 

Garrus stands up, and holds his hand out to Liara. She looks at it, then back at his face. Liara had never seen him so tired. She grabs his hand, and stands up. The two walk back into the Normandy, the night sky littered with millions of stars.

 

_______

Liara sat on the edge of her and Shepard’s bed. She looked over at the blue light from the fishtank, watching the colorful creatures swim aimlessly around. She thought back to when Shepard first brought her onto the Normandy SR2, after she had become the new Shadow Broker.

Liara stepped into the cabin, dressed in a long, skin-tight purple dress. She watched as Shepard poured some drinks into a glass.

“How was the tour of the new ship?” She asked.

“Wonderful. It was nice to see the crew again. That Miranda though, I’d stay cautious of her.”

Shepard let out a hearty laugh, and stepped towards Liara, lightly placing her hands on Liara’s hips.

“Jealous, I see?”

Liara looked away and pushed lightly at Shepard, a coy look on her face. Liara turned to look at the fish tank, the blue light illuminating her face.

“Since when did you start taking care of fish? I thought you wouldn’t have time for something like this, on the run from Cerberus and all.”

“Oh — I don’t really take care of them. Kelly Chambers comes in to feed them. I’ve been meaning to find a VI that can manage all the upkeep. It’s frustrating having to climb up there and clean out the filters.”

Liara turned her head slightly. She couldn’t help but smile at Shepard, and placed a hand on her cheek. She couldn’t help but admire how gorgeous Shepard looked in the soft blue light. She traced her thumb over the scars on her cheek, and leaned her forehead to Shepards.

“I missed you so much…” Liara said, her voice choking.

“I know. I’m sorry I left you…” Shepard brought her hand up to where Liara left it on her cheek, and held her close. 

_______

Liara smiled at the memory, feeling the memory of Shepard’s touch. She looked back at the empty bed, and ran her hand over the blanket. 

“We’ll find you. I promise.”

Liara prepared herself for another sleepless night, and got under the covers. She closed her eyes, and sleep found her faster than expected.

 

_______

Liara found herself in a dark space, no sense of where the walls started and ended. It was a darkness unlike any other, and an eerie silence filled the air. 

She slowly took steps forward, her footsteps echoing around her. Liara continued walking, taking in everything around her. She was unable to figure out where she was, but she couldn’t help but feel like her every step was being watched and calculated. The air tasted stale and artificial, and the space felt cold. She looked down, and saw she was wearing very simple clothes, something akin to what Shepard would wear around the Normandy. 

A creaking sound began to fill the air, like the chirping of insects, almost like the Earth Loctus, but sharper and quicker. 

Liara quickly spun on her heels, trying to find the source of the sound. What she was met with instead, was an inky black figure with bright orange eyes, glaring into her. She looked at the figure, and could not tell where the creature started and ended, like the space around her. It blended into the atmosphere, and stood still with an ominous presence. 

“You are not who I commune with.”

Liara started, mouth agape. Her hands trembled, and she shifted slightly.

“What—”

“Enough. This is not your arrangement.”

 

Liara went to speak again, but was quickly pushed out of the way. She fell to the floor (if it could even be called a floor) and looked up to see what assaulted her. Eyes filled with anger, she held out her hand to draw her biotics, but dropped them and gaspd.

Standing over her was Shepard. 

Liara laid frozen on the floor, eyes welling up with tears.

Shepard looked different. Her hair was longer, but messier. Her eyes seemed to glow emerald with anger. The scars on her face glowed along with her, the faint red hue elevated in the darkness. She inspected her bondmate, and noticed she was missing her arm. Liara slowly reached out to touch Shepard, but was met with a smoke-like figure.

“Why was she brought here!” Shepard cried out.

“This is your mind, Shepard. It follows its host’s will.”

Shepard seemed to tense at this. 

“This can’t be real… I’ll wake up again! This isn’t real!” Shepard cried out, crumbling to the floor, hand in her hair.

Liara quickly stood to Shepard’s height, and tried to touch her face. 

The two made eye contact, and everything froze.

“Shepard?” Liara said softly.

Shepard looked down at her, face in a full-blown panic. Liara had never seen her love in this state. She was always composed, confident, and ready. Never afraid of a fight. 

But this was unnatural, a nightmare. 

Shepard shook her head. “Liara, I don’t think this is real.”

“Please—” Liara was cut off by dark tendrils wrapping around Shepard's body. The Commander seemed to drop her panic, and her hand fell to her side. 

“Liara, listen. I need to tell you that-”

 

_______

Liara is forcibly woken up. She breathes heavily, drenched in sweat.

“Liara, please! Calm down!” Garrus says to her, slightly shaking her shoulder. 

Liara looks at Garrus, mouth open. Her lips twitch as she tries to formulate words.

“Liara?” He says, searching her face.

She swallows. 

“Garrus. She…” Liara struggles to speak, head spinning.

“I don’t think Shepard is dead.” 

Chapter 5: i love you but it's hard to believe

Summary:

Liara and the others talk. There's good news, for once.

Notes:

holy balls fuck shit babes!!! i think im back. i didn't realize i never posted chapter 5. its been in my google docs since November of last year so uhhh yeah sorry about that!!! I'm really sorry for making yall wait so long. i do think I have an idea of where I want to take this story so that's something at least lmao. anyway! this is not beta read but I did edit it recently and decided to post it bc why not. anyway. haha. enjoy!!!!

As Liara paced around the room, Garrus stood to the side, mandibles studdering. Liara typed furiously at her omni-tool, and wiped away a few stray tears. The orange light illuminated her face, emphasizing the deep circles under her eyes. 

“Liara please, I think you should sit—”

“Listen! I know what I saw… She was there… Well a part of her. Her soul, Garrus! If her soul lives then she can still be… there…” 

Liara slowly sat back down and felt the tears run down her face. She made no effort to wipe them away. She just let them fall. Garrus quickly moved to kneel in front of her and looked at her with great concern. He placed a hand on her knee and tried to look her in the eye. 

“Liara, we don’t know what happened. Maybe you should talk to Doctor Chawkwas. I’m not very good at—ah. This.” Garrus motioned between himself and Liara and awkwardly laughed. He stood back up and started walking towards the door.

“But I am good at listening. And if you need someone to listen to, let me know.”

Garrus smiled at her and exited the room, leaving Liara by herself. She looked at the door and sat in silence. 

 

“Why was she brought here!” Shepard cried out.

 

“This is your mind, Shepard. It follows its host’s will.”

 

This can’t be real… I’ll wake up again! This isn’t real!”

Liara shook her head as the words echoed through her head. She felt a sudden chill envelop her. She had never seen such a terrifying presence. Whatever it was couldn’t be a Reaper—No. They never communicated with Shepard. They would only infect the will of those with lesser minds, and Shepard was the strongest person she knew. Shepard contained a will stronger than any steel. She would fight or die. But Liara had never seen such a terrifying expression on Shepard’s face. The woman who would take down Reapers, stare them down, and fight hoards of their abominations, felt small and afraid. Liara wondered why she looked like that. Feeling her heartbeat in her throat, she forced herself to stand. She caught her reflection in the bright lights of the fish tank and wiped away her tears. She will prove to them all that Shepard lives. That Shepard is worthy of a life after the war she sacrificed everything for. 

 

_______

Liara had decided to spend the morning outside and alone. She was left with her thoughts and mentally assessed the dream she had. Everything about it was unnatural. She pushed it to the back of her mind and sighed, rubbing her forehead. She heard rustling from the bushes a few feet from her and quickly shot her head up. She saw the lithe frame of Ashley Williams shuffle out of the brush, joined by two low-ranking Marines that were stationed on the Normandy during the invasion of Earth. 

“Ah, Liara, you’re up early. Everything alright?” Ashley asked, rubbing her forehead as the morning dew stuck to her skin.

“I’m fine, thank you. I was just thinking, mostly. I should head back inside soon anyway. Glyph can’t handle everything by itself all the time…” Liara rambled off, looking at the ground.

Ashley nodded at the Marines, and they stepped away to give the two privacy.

“It’s about Skipper, isn’t it?” Ashley crosses her arms, and looks at the floor as well, shuffling her boot in the dirt.

Liara shook her head and shut her eyes. 

“You were with her on Eden Prime. You’ve seen her accomplish the unthinkable and unimaginable. Why is this suddenly… unreasonable.” Liara looked out into the horizon, brow furrowed with frustration. Ashley simply stood in place, listening to her friend. 

Liara suddenly began pacing back and forth on the worn ground. “I don’t understand! She evaded death more times than I can count. I saw her die! Then I saw her walk into my office on Illium. I saw her fistfight aliens three times her size and weight. I saw her stand face to face with Reapers. So why is her being alive suddenly impossible and a delusion!” Liara angrily cried out.

Ashley couldn’t help but look at Liara with a face of sympathy, then suddenly her expression morphed into confusion.

“You think she’s alive? After everything?”

Liara nodded.

Ashley pushed back stray hairs from her face as she leaned against large tree.

“What happened?”

Liara couldn’t help but let out a sigh of relief. Finally, someone believed her . She then explained to Ashley the visceral dream, not leaving out a single detail. The glowing eyes, the fear in Shepard’s eyes, the never-ending darkness that enveloped her every movement. She described every detail of the dream, Ashley’s face growing more concerned as it got more complex. She sat on the floor, a small puff of dust rising as she sat in her armor. She let out an astonished sigh.

“Is it normal for Asari bondmates to… feel on such a level?” Ashley asked, genuine concern in her voice. 

Liara felt her cheeks flush. She smiled faintly and looked at the ground. “You do know I am extremely inexperienced in this area. Shepard is… my first. My first in everything. I have no previous experiences to compare to.”

Ashley couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. “Damn, Skipper. You really got the jackpot there…” She said lightheartedly. 

Liara glared at the Marine. After a few seconds, the two burst into laughter. Once it died down, Liara looked longingly out to the sky. 

“Liara, nobody knows her better than you do. If that big brain of yours is telling you something is up, you should listen to it. You’re always right.” 

Liara smiled and made eye contact with Ashley. 

“Thank you, Ashley.”

“Anytime, Blue.” 

 

_______

Liara made her way back into the Shuttle Bay of the Normandy. She briefly acknowledged James and Steve, who were currently working on repairs to the shuttle. She quickly made her way into the elevator and was surprised to see it stop on Engineering. She looked up and saw Tali stepping in. She nodded to her. 

“Liara—I heard what happened, Is everything—”

Liara sighed, rubbing her forehead. 

Tali hummed at the reaction. “That’s my answer. Liara, I am on your side. I believe you. With all the crazy things Shepard put us through, this makes the most sense. Did you talk to anyone else about this?” The quarian asked, tilting her head. 

“I actually ran into Ashley earlier. She let me rant about what I thought. She just stood and listened to me like we were talking about anything else. I can’t believe she was the same person accusing me of mind-controlling Shepard back on the Normandy SR-1” Liara stopped to laugh. “She asked me if this was a normal thing for Asari, actually—The deep mental tether Shepard and I share. I told her the truth: Shepard is the first person I’ve been this close to, so I do not truly know.”

 

Tali shuffled closer to her. “I can’t believe I live to see the day where the infamous Shadow Broker doesn’t know something. Keelah, don’t you have the entire extranet at your fingertips? You didn’t think to…look it up?” Tali couldn’t help but snicker like a child. Liara pushed lightly at her, flustered. 

“I can’t be abusing my power in that way! What would my agents think?” Liara shook her head. 

Tali placed a sympathetic hand on Liara’s shoulder. 

“If there is any reason to believe Shepard is alive, I will go as far as you need to help. Shepard saved my people. She gave us our homeworld back. I would do anything for her. You are my closest friend, Liara. I would do anything for you as well.”

Liara smiled at Tali, putting her own hand over the Quarians. 

“It sounds like you have an idea?” Liara asked, looking quizzically at her.

Tali nodded. “Of course I do! I also have news regarding the state of the Normandy. You might as well be the first person I tell—”

Liara looked at Tali with surprise. “What? Tali, you can’t just drop this information on me like that!”

Tali snickered, her eyes gleaming with joy.

“We can leave tomorrow. Liara we’re going to find a way back to Earth.”

Chapter 6: in my solitude you taunt me with memories that never die

Summary:

not everything is as it seems anymore. but there's hope, right?

Notes:

so yeah this wasn't beta'd but i feel pretty good about this one! have fun!

The Normandy-named planet of Amazonia was full of life and chatter. With assistance from Donnelly and Daniels, Adams spent the morning checking all systems to ensure a safe flight. The navigation team plotted the best-suited course to find the nearest mass relay with minimal fuel waste. With the help of Liara and Glyph, Traynor attempted to set up a communications buoy to send out as soon as they were in orbit. The entire command deck was bustling with life and energy. Chatter was loud and a thick cloud of nervous energy seemed to set over everyone. 

Tali broke off from communications to check on Adams. The drive core had been releasing large outputs of power since they were able to reconnect it with the main systems. If they were able to prevent any major fluctuations, jumping to FTL should have no issues. The biggest concern was fuel. All they had left were the reserves from before the attack on Earth. They had maybe two weeks' worth of fuel. If they were to be stranded in space, there would be no way to make it to Earth. 

It didn’t help that EDI was still inactive either. The entire AI core had fried, creating an even bigger problem. As long as they kept fire hydrants on standby, nothing too bad could occur. Tali knew deep down everything would work. She grew up working on ships, so this was nothing! Or so she told herself. She sighed, dropping her shoulders. 

“Everything is in order. Cortez was upset to see his shuttle taken apart for extra parts, but they will work. For now, hopefully.” Adams told Tali, handing her a datapad with all information regarding the drive core. “The electrical charge released shouldn’t damage the systems that much. It's all held together with what feels like duct tape and super glue.” Daniels said, a nervous look on her face. 

Tali signs, leaning against the railing. “It has to work. This is our only shot. I’ll inform Joker that we’re ready to go. We have to do this. For Shepard.”

“For Shepard.” The three responded. Tali nodded, and quickly ran off, hearing the pre-recorded flight program surge to life. 

________

With a course plotted, fuel reserves in use, and the drive core firing up, Joker quickly brought the Normandy off the ground. It was now or never at this point. The ship shuddered to life, jerking to the left before steading itself. Tali gave joker a look, and he shrugged. As The Normandy evened out, the sound of clanking metal could be heard from below deck as if someone dropped a wrench down an air duct. Tali coughed and opened up her omni-tool. 

“Adams, you bosh’tet! I told you to clean up!” Tali yelled out, and quickly stormed down to the elevator. Joker watched her leave for a moment and seemed to remember he had a ship to fly. 

“Alright old girl. Give me something…” He quickly pulled up various scans on the holographic screen before him. He sighed in relief seeing mostly green coming up. He heard footsteps from behind him and waved a hand.


“Alright everyone out of the cockpit!” He yelled out, feeling a hand placed softly on his shoulder. He flinched to see who dared interrupt him. Liara gave him a weak smile, holding onto the empty chair beside him. 

“Joker. Get us home. We trust you.” The Asari said softly, voice weak and hoarse. 

He returned her words with an equally hopeful look, sadness in his eyes. 

“Normandy crew we are a-go for takeoff. Strap yourselves in. It’s not going to be the smooth sailing we're used to. Final flight checks are green. Maintaining climb to one two thousand. Element zero levels normal. Mass core charging.” Joker rattles off various terms and phrases that fly over Liara’s head. The returned acknowledgments from Engineering don’t go unheard, and she hears Tali respond with confidence. Whatever issues they were having seemed to be resolved. 

The Normandy slowly reaches the correct altitude and jets off into space. The gravity dampeners kick in, and Liara sways. 

“T’Soni it's best if you head out. It's just a matter of time now.” Joker says, allowing the autopilot to lock into the system. She nods to him and heads back to the crew deck. Standing in the elevator, she can’t help but think about the dream. How desperate the Commander sounded, how afraid . Her Commander wasn’t afraid. She argued with Krogans and walked out with alliances. She faced down Reapers and didn’t bat an eye. So why is this any different? How is this even real? Liara hit the side of the elevator wall, feeling her eyes cloud. Shepard wouldn’t leave her. Not like this . 

 

She brought a trembling hand to cover her mouth. She inhaled deeply and shut her eyes. It's all a trick. It has to be. That is what she tells herself over and over again. But the feeling of those cold black shadows burned something into her mind. Nothing about it made sense. She racked her mind for answers but nothing came to it. Perhaps she had to ask Javik, though she doubted if he had anything to tell her. There was something about this that was all too familiar. Liara still has no idea if the Reapers are truly gone or if this is something completely different. What she does know, is that she will find out what happened to Shepard. 

________

Cold. Freezing. Frostbitten. That's what she felt. Out of body and alone. Her mind in turmoil. Every part of her body burned with a fire made of sheer darkness. Every broken bone, every punctured organ, every scrape, bruise, and nick burned on her body. It was like watching her body sear without being in it. She noticed the sounds around her, and the feeling of latex gloves on her clammy skin. The poking and prodding from needles. It all felt as if her sense of touch was increased tenfold. Shepard was herself, yet she was locked out from it as if someone had chained her body down, and thick iron locks held them in place. Little did Shepard know, Miranda was the one poking and prodding at her. Well, she could put the pieces together in her locked-down state. The ever-so annoying tapping on her omni-tool was starting to get to her. If she could just open her mouth and tell her to turn off the damn sound–

Miranda shifted in her chair at the sound of shuffling. A mixed look of shock, horror, amazement and exacerbation was painted on her face. She ran over to the operating table where Shepard's body lay. She scanned her body for movement, seeing her undamaged left arm shifting, trying to grab at anything. Her head twitched in place, the tubes around her shifting and threatening to tangle. 

“Mir..” Shepard's hoarse voice squeaked out. It sounded more like a choking animal than the woman's voice, but it was something. Miranda cautiously approached Shepard, checking all her vitals. She reached in her pocket and pulled out a small vial and grabbed the syringe from the sterile tray. She filled it with the fluids from the vial and injected it into the IV tube slowly, avoiding the Commander's face. Something cold and metallic gripped her arm as she injected the medication. The grip was strong, smooth, and threatened to break her arm. Miranda’s breath caught in her throat and she slowly turned to the only other person in the room. 

The metal arm that had been found molded to Shepard threatened to break Miranda’s arm. It somehow found its way to Shepard’s body and did not want to let go. It glowed with an angry orange light from in between the hinges and folds. The crude metal looked nearly like geth limbs too, but there was something almost human to it. Miranda tried to pull away, but the grip only tightened. 

A heaving could be heard from Shepard, her mouth agape and breath heavy. 

The sound that left the Commander's mouth was anything but human. It was crude, sharp, violent, and demanded Miranda’s full attention. 

“Enough.”

That was the last thing Miranda heard before Shepard’s body went completely limp, the metal arm clattering to the floor along with the syringe in hand. The glass shattered and woke up Miranda, causing her to stumble back. Her breath came out quick and rushed, heartbeat drumming in her ears. 

“Miss Lawson, I have some good–” Doctor Anya dropped the tablet she was carrying and gasped loudly. Miranda held a hand up and silenced the younger woman. 

 

“This better be important,” Miranda spoke clearly, trying to mask the deep sense of dread building in her heart. 

“Right,” Anya said, picking up the tablet and clearing her throat. 

“We just received contact. The Normandy made it back to Sol. After a month of silence, we just received word that the ship is in orbit outside Saturn and is currently refueling and receiving repairs. I thought you would have wanted good news…” Anya is cut off by Miranda storming across the room to type something down. “Is everything alright?” She asks. 

Miranda frowns. 

“Raise the Normandy as soon as possible to this room.”

Notes:

yeah ok im just going to post whenever I want to because I can! but I am trying to bring up my word count per chapter. i hope yall liked this one because I had a lot of fun writing a certain part wink wink wink ;)

and also, maybe I need to update the tags? does this count as possession? not demonic in any sense but you get the gist