Chapter Text
Oh, if only Himiko Toga had been born as a typical alpha.
Granted, as an alpha, she knew she'd lucked out on several fronts. Himiko learned she’d never have to deal with heat cycles, she'd never menstruate, cute omegas would swoon over her scent as it intensified over the years, and vice versa.
Except "vice versa" was the problem.
During early childhood, no alpha or omega produced a strong enough scent for anyone to really notice. Most alphas didn't begin to detect omega pheromones before the age of twelve, at the earliest.
But Himiko went feral over her first omega scent at the age of seven.
She had been playing tag with an omega girl, who then tripped, scraping an arm on the asphalt. The first whiff of something had filled her lungs with sheer uncontrollable giddiness, and the next thing she knew, her teacher was pulling her off of her crying friend.
As her teacher called her parents, she'd felt so dizzy sitting there alone in the school office, replaying the sight of the bleeding bite she’d left on the other girl's arm, right over the scrape. It gave her this funny rising feeling in her chest, and it was all very confusing.
"Himiko, I’m ashamed of you," her father had grimaced, wiping the blood from her lips. "I know you’re an alpha, but I thought you’d know better than to do something so… disgusting!"
Whining, she protested, “But you bite Mommy all the time and it makes her happy!”
"That’s because Mommy asks me to,” her father growled, pinching her cheeks, “And I don’t bite her like some rabid animal in broad daylight while everyone else is watching! Do you want to be treated like an animal, Himiko?”
“N-No,” she sniffled, tears leaking out in response to the sting of her father’s pinching.
“Then don’t act like one!” He finally let go, wagging his finger at her, “You'll never get a proper mate if you can't control yourself like a normal person."
Himiko paled at the prospect, looking to her mother in disbelief.
“That’s right,” her mother said, crossing her arms. “No one will love you like that. Now, promise us you’ll behave from now on.”
Both of them waited silently, staring down at her in stern disappointment. Feeling shot in the heart, she finally agreed, wiping her tears.
“I promise…”
Her father commanded, “Now, say sorry.”
“Sorry...”
Her mother patted her on the head, smiling at last.
“Good girl,” she affirmed, and that was all Himiko wanted.
The Toga family thought it was supposed to be an easy fix.
Put the child on some suppressants, and she would never embarrass them with any wild behavior ever again. Grind up the tablets and put it in applesauce or juice if they had to. It was supposed to be easy.
Again, if only Himiko had been born as a typical alpha.
Unfortunately, the suppressants didn’t work like they were supposed to. After a week, it was clear that they made her head too foggy for her to concentrate properly on her classes. Her parents switched brands around, until they found one that at least made her slightly less foggy. She found that if she fought it hard enough, she could at least function on the bare minimum level of alertness.
This was all normal, and a part of growing up, her father had told her. She would get used to it someday, he said.
But no matter what brand Himiko was on, the feelings never even diminished. New smells began emerging: sweet, sharp, dark, spicy. As the smells only grew stronger, her chest would bubble up with craving, with spiralling, rabid want that climbed and climbed to new heights, leaving her aching for close contact.
The haze of the suppressants made it harder to think straight, and she ultimately lost the battle to keep her impulses in check. That much was clear when she couldn’t help but bite her same friend again, when her family was invited over for tea the next year.
“I’m sorry...” Himiko slurred, starting to cry as her mother pulled her off of her friend. She begged, reaching for the other girl, “Lemme go! I won’t do it again!”
She would never forget the way her friend’s wide, teary eyes stared back at her in horror, before her parents took her away forever. As the front door slammed shut, Himiko’s heart sank.
“No one will love you like that.”
As she stood there, frozen and unresponsive to her mother’s yelling, her father dragged her by the back of her shirt and told her to stand in the corner for an hour. Silently, she obeyed, crying as they left her all alone in the room, the same thought echoing over and over in her head.
No one, no one, no one, no one—
She resolved that she couldn’t let it happen ever again.
Himiko’s childhood passed her by in a fuzzy, foggy blur.
For years, she fought through the haze of her suppressants to seem normal, and like she wasn’t an inch away from either falling asleep or jumping someone half the time. She’d barely managed it, and around middle school, she slowly began to stop taking her suppressants, eventually faking her daily dose in front of her parents every morning before school.
Then every night, alone in her room, she practiced desensitizing herself. It hadn’t taken her long to notice that her trigger was blood, feeling out of control every time she so much as saw another kid on the playground getting hurt.
So, she’d watch bloody horror movies, and concentrate as hard as she could on staying completely calm, like her life depended on it. The images awakened blaring, violent emotions within her. Even while her body burned with craving, to sink her teeth into flesh, and to fill her nose with that heavenly aroma, she eventually mastered the art of painfully tamping every single screaming feeling down.
This was what normal, reasonable alphas were supposed to do, she thought.
In her mind, it was the only way she could be loved. And she was so full of love, so full of hope for a life where she could give and take that love freely from friends, from a mate, someday. The last thing she wanted was to be unloved, to be looked at with such fear ever again.
With her head perfectly cleared, she performed swimmingly in middle school, making the top scores of her class. She graduated with honors and without incidents, finally making her parents prouder than they’d ever been. She was loved sincerely, at last. Life was finally happy, as it was supposed to be.
She wanted to ride on this forever.
Then came high school.
In her first year of high school, Himiko fell in love with a classmate named Akio Saitou.
Saitou was a cool, strong, pretty alpha boy, with gorgeous, curly hair and round, cheerful eyes. His voice was rich and warm, and he smelled strongly of crisp, cool pine. He was a member of the student council alongside Himiko, as well as a runner on the school track team.
He was kind, and fiercely protective, to the point of violence when another alpha threatened to hurt one of his omega teammates.
On the day she saw that fight happen during lunch, she had a hard time staying calm around him. His cute face had gotten all scratched up, and his lip had been bleeding. And that fresh piney smell radiated, filled the air, made her flush as she swallowed back saliva, her heart pounding with excitement.
When he emerged victorious, Himiko didn’t share the same sense of reverent fear her alpha colleagues felt at the sight. No, she wanted him in her arms as if he were an omega.
She knew this feeling wasn’t exactly typical, but it wasn’t like alpha/alpha pairs were completely unheard of. There was no way to know if Saitou was into other alphas like her too, but she knew for sure he liked girls. Heart full of optimism, she slowly began to close the distance between them, talking to him more and more before classes, during lunch, after student council meetings.
It seemed to work, because at the end of the school year, when she gave him a proper confession, he entertained the idea by agreeing to go on a date with her.
“Well! I’ve never considered dating an alpha girl before, but you’re really pretty and nice, Toga!” Saitou laughed, sweet and without malice. “Let me take you to a movie and we can see where this goes, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Himiko sighed dreamily, heart skipping a beat as his smell intensified for a brief moment.
She grit her teeth together, forcing her hands to stay still at her sides like she was clinging to life itself. Maybe this was that “beautiful suffering” that other alphas were talking about when they were near the ones they loved: it was too much, but so good anyway.
On the date, Saitou was gentlemanly and smooth, everything she wanted to be as an alpha herself. He looked incredible out of his school uniform, in his fitted Henley top and skinny jeans, said all the right things to make Himiko blush, and liked the same kinds of movies as her. Not to mention, near the end of their chosen film, he easily slid an arm around her shoulders. She couldn't help but melt into the close contact, feeling starved for it.
"Cute… you swoon just like an omega girl, you know," he murmured, sounding amused, and... hungry.
"Do I?" She licked her lips, playful and challenging.
"You do," he hummed, rubbing her shoulder. "Didn’t know an alpha girl could look all melty like that..."
She responded by sliding a hand over his thigh, whispering, “You wanna see what else an alpha girl can do?”
He gave her a wicked grin.
As the credits soon rolled across the screen, they left the theater together in a hurry, taking the quickest train back to his apartment, before his parents could get home from work.
They ended up on the couch, with her straddling his lap. Practically tearing off her blouse, he caught her mouth with his own. At the taste of his tongue, and the feeling of his nails digging into her skin, her eyes fluttered shut in delirious desire. The delicious, overwhelming smell of pine filled her lungs with need.
Letting out a soft whine, she nuzzled into the crook of his neck, desperation rising. Oh, how she wanted, wanted, wanted—
"Bite me," he'd growled into her ear.
As the last thread of her self-control snapped, that was the end of love as she knew it.
Notes:
[All characters in this fic belong to Kohei Horikoshi and all other additional entities responsible for the creation/ownership of Boku no Hero Academia. This fanwork is free to view and download, and always will be. If you have ever been asked to pay for access in any way to this fanwork on alternative hosting sites/mobile apps, know that I have never consented to any for-profit reposts and you're being ripped off. Please enjoy, and thanks for reading!]
-Reddie
Chapter 2: Too Nice
Chapter Text
Ochako Uraraka did not place romantic love anywhere near the top of her priority list.
And why should she? When alphas and omegas comprised 80-85% of the world’s population, romantic love as she understood it was supposed to be vicious, visceral, driven by raw instinct in reaction to pheromones. A rare beta like her could neither smell nor produce such pheromones, so she had no place in the equation.
Leave the lovemaking to everyone else, because betas like her didn’t matter. That’s what the world seemed to say when betas only amounted to a few sentences in reproductive health textbooks, if ever at all. That’s what the world seemed to say when the love interests in books and movies were never betas, always alpha heroes and their omega soulmates. That’s what the world seemed to say when nurses asked “when was the last time you took suppressants?”, like she wasn’t supposed to exist like this.
“Sorry,” she told this new nurse. “I’m a beta, so I don’t take suppressants.”
"Oh. Oh! Don't be sorry, miss, that was my mistake," he laughed nervously, scratching something off on his notepad. "Alright. The anesthesiologist will be with you soon."
Ochako was fine. She was used to it, and she didn’t hold it against the world for being the way it was. So she dealt with it. She dealt with all the hassle that came with being a beta, and with living in general.
"Hello, Miss Uraraka," A man with gentle, green eyes greeted her politely. "My name is Dr. Yuki Ueno, and I'm going to be your anesthesiologist today. Now, before we get started, let me explain what kind of drugs I’m going to give you for your procedure..."
Yeah, living in general was already hard enough. Who needed to add a mate to the mix?
Granted, it wasn’t like Ochako never wanted a mate someday. She could fall in love like plenty of other people could, and she did hope for a future where she could regularly wake up next to someone who loved her too. Again, it just wasn’t a priority right now, given everything life had thrown at her lately.
First off, she had broken her arm back in July trying to help out at her dad’s hardware supply shop. A customer needed something in a box on the top shelf, and the ladder she had been standing on was uneven.
When she lost focus thinking about something else, she missed the first rung on the way back down, sealing her fate.
The fracture was pretty bad, but not irreparable. The bone had shattered, and she’d spent all of her summer holiday getting it fixed. Her last surgery to get a metal plate implanted in her arm was finally over, but that wasn’t the end of her worries. She needed to remain diligent about the stretches and exercises the specialists had laid out for her, if she wanted her regular dexterity back soon.
In the meantime, she also had to fill out the necessary paperwork that would permit her to use her laptop at school for note-taking, as well as exemptions from certain exercise activities in physical ed classes. On top of that, she needed to confirm if she would be able to start dorming for the second term, before the deadline for registration passed. She wondered if it was still worth it, if it would be too selfish of her to dorm.
For a brief period, the surgeries had set her family’s checking account back into the negatives. And while her parents managed to balance things out again, she knew that stability was fragile.
With that in mind, she resolved that she would have to qualify again for that special scholarship. It would help them cover most of her school’s tuition, and it would mean she could dorm with a little less of a guilty conscience. Dorming would make things easier on her, after all, but what about her parents? She had to think of them too.
Not for one moment did she want to weigh her parents down, if she could help it.
UA was one of the best high schools in the country, and it would ensure she would have options to attend the university she was aiming for. She had come this far, so she had to keep going, make them proud. She couldn’t get distracted again, thinking about… non-priorities.
As soon as she got home, she saw two missed calls from a certain friend: her one and only Izuku “Deku” Midoriya.
“No, I can’t smell him either, actually! I guess that means I’m like you, huh?”
Izuku had been one of the first friends she made at UA, right before the entrance exams. From the very start, she’d felt a strong kinship with him. He’d always been a sweetheart, so caring and kindhearted, so eager to lend a hand to others. So, naturally, she had clung to his company at every given opportunity.
It was funny, actually. In their first year together, she’d spent so much time chasing after him that it felt foreign for him to initiate any of their conversations now. He was only fretting over her now because…
Hesitating for just a moment, she called him back.
“Hey, Uraraka!” Izuku practically beamed through the phone. "How did the surgery go? Are you feeling okay?”
"Yeah, I’m okay! And the surgery went well!” She replied in kind, before adding on a little honestly, “It does hurt a little though. And my pinky is kind of numb, but the physical therapist said that feeling should go away after a while!”
“Ah, that’s great to hear,” he sighed with heavy relief, making her heart twist.
She let out a weak laugh, “Yeah, sorry if I worried you.”
“No, no, don’t be sorry! I’m just glad to hear you’re alright.”
“Thanks for that,” Ochako hummed, quickly diverting the conversation, “So, tell me, how’s your summer been going?”
She let Izuku go on and on, listening to that warm, bubbly voice as he rambled about all sorts of things from news about his favorite graphic novelist, to rainy weather, to dates with his new boyfriend.
“...and then I won this ceramic-looking tooth necklace for Kacchan at the high striker game! He seemed really happy that I won it for him. Well, I mean, the lady at the booth tried to rile him up because he didn’t want to play anymore, so she said something like ‘at least try to win a prize for your omega’, and then I said I could win something for myself just fine, so I stepped up, and, yeah!”
“Alright, way to go, Deku!” Ochako cheered lightly, heart-warmed by the little laugh he gave in response.
“Heh, Kacchan did say she had it coming to her, for looking down on me like that! I don’t know. I wasn’t feeling vengeful or something, but I don’t like being talked at like that. And nobody likes being reduced to their mating type.” He sighed, “By the way, I’m… really sorry for rambling about him so much. I really don’t want this to be hard on you, and… about what I said, after you told me...”
Oh no, she had been hoping to avoid this.
“Deku, it’s fine. You don’t have to say anything.”
“No, actually, I do. Look, Uraraka, I’m… really sorry, about how I responded. I thought about it, and it was wrong of me to say all the stuff I said when you confessed. I shouldn’t have made so many assumptions about what you want out of your life. And I just want you to know that, um. You and I… the way things turned out, it… none of it has anything to do with our mating types! Plus, there’s been a lot of stuff between me and Kacchan before I even met you, and I know you already know this, but honestly. It was pretty much already bound to happen, and just—"
She cuts him off, clearing her throat, “Uhh, Deku?”
“Ah, crap, sorry for rambling about him again! Anyway, I wanted to make it clear, and I hope you didn’t take it personally.”
“Oh, Deku… I know what you meant, so don’t worry about it,” Ochako reassured him.
Though, to be truthful, it was a little irritating that he had hit the nail right on the head. She had actually been pretty insecure about coming in second to an alpha boy, and she wished she didn’t think of it that way.
“Well, if you say so...”
“I mean it, really. Anyway, you’re really happy with him, right? Everything’s okay now?”
Ochako knew Bakugo had changed a lot since first year, but the memory of him lunging at Izuku during orientation was still burned into her mind. His crush or not, she couldn’t help but feel protective of her friend.
Izuku rejoined, “Of course! I promise.”
“Good. Then that’s all I want for you.”
“It’s what I want for you too, Uraraka. You really are a wonderful girl,” he murmured, in that kind, tender tone she couldn't handle right now.
“I know. And thanks,” she managed to say in an even tone. “Anyway, I’m getting sleepy and I don’t want to keep you up either. So I’ll call you back another time, okay?”
“Alright! I look forward to it!” He chirped, her heart squeezing at the sound. “Good night!”
When he hung up, she couldn’t help but cry a little, the memory of the confession hitting her like a tidal wave once again.
“I like you, Deku.”
She’d just meant to say it plainly, to get it off her chest. It was the end of their first year now, and she already got the feeling he wouldn’t reciprocate, because she knew where she stood. He just didn’t look at her like that, at least… not anymore.
But she needed to hear it, confirm it, once and for all, just to get it out of the way.
“O-Oh, holy whoa! Aha, wow, uh! I’m—sorry, Uraraka,” Izuku held his hands up. “I’m really flattered, but I… can’t return your feelings. You see, I’m… don’t tell anyone else just yet, but I’m dating Kacchan now.”
A clean rejection, a simple “I don’t feel the same way” from him, would have sufficed. She had been hoping for that, actually. If it had been just like that, impersonal, with no one else involved, it wouldn’t have hurt too bad. That would have been fine.
But to be told her crush was now dating Katsuki Bakugo, the alpha who beat her at tug-of-war during the school sports festival, was a little too much.
“Bakugo…” Ochako tried to hold back her tears, feeling pathetic, “Oh. I should’ve known.”
“Please don’t feel bad about it though! To be honest, I’ve always thought you were super beautiful and kind, a-and I’m sure there are others who think so too! And besides, I’m. I’m still an omega, after all. There are things I’m sure you’d want, that I wouldn’t be able to give you, and… and vice versa. And you deserve everything you want, Uraraka! You’d be so much better off with a mate who could give you that.”
“Of course. You deserve… everything you want too,” she replied, trying to keep her voice even.
But she couldn’t stop the tears. Then, as he reached out to comfort her, she panicked, and ran away.
If he had left it at that, she would have been fine. She would be over it, and this childish, godforsaken crush could just fade into the background where it belonged. Who needed a boy who just assumed what she wanted, without even talking it through with her first anyway?
But no, he just… had to apologize. He just had to notice he’d hit her where it hurt, when others usually just brushed it off as her being “delicate” or “frail”. He was just too good, too nice for her to stop loving so easily. So much for making things easier on her.
Taking a deep breath, she started doing her hand stretches for the night.
Chapter 3: Unclean Slate
Chapter Text
RESTRAINING ORDER
- PROTECTED PERSON:
Name: Saitou Akio
Lawyer Name (if available): [Blank]
Firm Name: [Blank]
Contact Information: XXXX
- RESTRAINED PERSON:
Full Name: Toga Himiko
Description:
Sex: F | MType: α | Height: 157cm | Weight: 47.8kg | DOB: 07/08/2029
Hair Color: Ash Blonde | Eye Color: Golden Yellow | Age: 16
Home Address: XXXX
Relationship to Protected Person: Classmate, Date
- ADDITIONAL PROTECTED PERSONS:
Name: Saitou XXXX | Sex: F | MType: α | Age: 40 |
Household Member?: Yes | Relationship to Protected Person: Mother
Name: Saitou XXXX | Sex: M | MType: Ω | Age: 44 |
Household Member?: Yes | Relationship to Protected Person: Father
The court will complete the rest of this form...
Saitou had asked Himiko to bite him. He hadn’t said how hard.
But apparently that was supposed to be “basic common sense”, at least according to his mother. In fact, both his parents took one look at all the stitches they needed to fix his neck wound, and decided such an animal should never come near their son ever again.
The restraining order wasn’t even Saitou’s idea. But she figured it wasn’t a horrible idea, after she visited him at the hospital to say sorry. Before she’d even opened her mouth to speak, he flinched as soon as he saw her, eyes wide and horrified.
If that was how it was going to be, Himiko didn’t want to see him ever again either.
The court mandated two simple things: for Himiko to be transferred to another high school, and for her to take full-strength suppressants daily for the next five years, at which point she would have a follow-up evaluation. If she was caught making any deviation from these orders, it would result in her being charged with a misdemeanor for the first incidence. Repeated violations would result in her being charged with a felony.
Drug tests prior to the court case had proven Himiko wasn’t taking any suppressants at the time, so she had been forced to come out and confess that even with suppressants, she just couldn’t control herself. No matter what she was or wasn’t taking, she could just smell so many amazing, unique scents coming off of all these different people.
Of course, her parents didn’t believe her, yelling that she was making up excuses just to be difficult. As far as they were concerned, it was impossible for an alpha to detect another alpha’s pheromones like that. Case in point: Himiko’s omega mother couldn’t even smell the pine scent that Himiko insisted Saitou had. Desperate just to be believed, Himiko had continued to insist. It all eventually fell on uncaring ears.
She received her penalties, and communication broke down.
As her spring holiday came to a close, she ended up with her bags packed, shuttled away to some distant city, and then holed up in a shabby apartment for one. In sharp contrast, she was accepted for transfer into the prestigious UA High a little too easily, leaving her to briefly wonder if it was luck or bribery that got her there.
All alone, she then started her second year of high school.
There were no threats for her to take her suppressants, no answers to her daily phone calls, not even letters in her mailbox. Her parents would just send her money electronically for food and rent, and that was about it. It had felt like one step short of being given away to an orphanage, honestly.
In spite of that feeling, she kept calling them. They didn’t call back.
But Himiko didn’t spend long in her loneliness. In June, some new neighbors moved in just upstairs.
Actually, they didn't get off to the best start.
Very late at night on several weekdays, she'd wake up to the sound of them making a big racket doing fuck-knows-what, hollering, stomping, or breaking furniture or something. Quickly growing fed up with the noise, she ended up smacking her fist against their door one Tuesday night, brimming with sleepless rage.
A man with long, periwinkle hair had answered, smelling faintly like burnt newspaper and looking about as offended as she felt. Behind him, she could see several people sitting on the carpet, surrounded by liquor bottles, playing cards, betting chips, and some cats that definitely weren’t allowed in the lease.
“What do you want, brat?” he rasped, his fist closed around a bottle of shochu.
“Um, to sleep, maybe?!” she nearly yelled, her voice coming out high and hoarse instead. “I live just downstairs, and you guys have been so loud for the past two—”
He shoved the bottle in her hand.
“That should put you out,” he grumbled, before slamming the door shut.
After a few useless minutes of snarling and kicking the door, she threw hell to the wind and took a big, frustrated swig. The next day, she went to school absolutely hammered.
For the first time, the alcohol had managed to do what her suppressants couldn’t.
So she stayed on good terms with her upstairs neighbors: they supplied the booze, and she supplied the not reporting their pets to the landlord. Towards the end of July, she’d even invited herself up to some of their game nights, usually bringing up snacks from convenience store runs to warm them up to her intrusions. It did the trick well enough, and soon, she was a regular part of their circle.
She learned that Tenko was the man who'd answered the door that first night. And soon, the other names followed suit: Touya, with his several scars and piercings, Shuichi, with his purple mohawk and green dragon scale tattoos, and Mag, with her cool sunglasses and silky hair.
Then came their other friends: a bartender they called Kurogiri, an off-season performer named Atsuhiro, and their unofficial fifth flatmate Jin, who seemed to be going through rough times too. She liked to consider him a kindred spirit of sorts.
By the time Himiko's summer holiday had started, she had really grown on them. Mag even called her “little sis”, doing up her hair in cute, messy buns for a few days. Fond, she decided to keep the hairstyle up for her outings.
On her seventeenth birthday, they took her to Kurogiri's izakaya. She was in a corner booth, stuffing her maw with kushikatsu, when she got a text from her parents.
They said her school had started offering a much cheaper dorming option, and they would be taking her out of the apartment as soon as move-in started.
“Aw, no, cutie, don’t cry,” Jin frowned, sliding his second beer in her direction, “Psst, here! I can’t finish this. Have it, will ya, birthday girl?”
Himiko accepted, taking a long, grateful gulp as if she hadn’t already been pre-gaming. She let the glass back down with a thunk, hanging her head. Mag set a hand on her shoulder.
“It’s not fair, big sis!” Himiko whined, slamming her fists down on the table. “I’m so tired of doing what they want!”
"Oh, my poor darling," Mag murmured, rubbing at her shoulder. "I'm sorry there's not much we can do."
"We could take her hostage," Tenko offered, talking around a mouthful of yakitori.
"And then post the ransom for an obscene amount,'' Touya added. "They might not pay us, and then she can just stay."
"Haha, very funny, guys," Shuichi waved them off, taking a sip of his own beer.
"Yeah, come on!” Mag hissed, “Her situation's already shitty enough, don't joke!"
"I was being serious," Touya deadpanned.
"Yeah," Tenko griped, scratching at his neck. "Who will do convenience store runs when she's gone? Jin?"
“Heyyy!” Jin protested.
The group broke into a brief bout of laughter, even Jin grinning as he put up a middle finger. Himiko couldn't help but giggle too, though her heart hurt. Just the thought that she would lose them so easily...
As the rabble died down a little, Mag wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Himiko turned to hug her tightly, mildly upset she was too drunk to smell Mag's comforting plum scent.
"Don't be scared, little sis," Mag soothed. "The dorms might be really fun, you know. You can make new friends!"
"I already like being friends with all of you," Himiko pouted. Mag chuckled, ruffling her hair.
"Well, this isn't the end, okay? If you ever need somewhere to run to, you know where to find us."
Eventually, the party moved back to the apartment, where Himiko gamed and drank with them, until she puked in their toilet, before passing out in their bathroom. When she woke up the next afternoon on their couch, covered in cats, Tenko didn’t kick her out this time. Instead, he quietly played a game on his console while she nursed her hangover.
Beginning to breathe in the mild scent of charred paper, she drank her water slowly. A headache was better than the blurry heaviness of her suppressants.
Near the end of August, she got a roommate assignment: Ochako Uraraka.
Taking Mag's words to heart, she decided to be a little curious about this Ochako girl. Starting from her name in the search engine, Himiko hopped from a school news article about the tug-of-war tournament in last year's sports festival, to a social media page, to another social media page.
Pretty soon, she was learning all sorts of things about this Ochako, like how she loved astronomy and mochi, how often she attended martial arts classes before her arm got broken, how cute she looked in a bikini at the beach…
Already, Himiko felt herself slipping back into a familiar warm, fuzzy feeling. Ochako was so pretty, with that sincere smile and those lovely, bright eyes that made her heart ache. This girl, who she hadn’t even really met yet, emerged like a world in and of herself: vibrant, bubbly, kind, strong, determined. Himiko wanted to dive into her, discover every aspect of her beauty all the way down to her veins.
Himiko couldn't help but hate herself a little for it, but oh, how she clung so desperately to Mag's assurances.
"The dorms might be really fun, you know. You can make new friends!"
Yes, that was right. This could be a fresh start. It's not like Ochako had to know about her past or anything, especially now that everything was under control. Mag was right. Maybe it could be fun.
She couldn't help but squeal in excitement when she noticed Ochako had emailed her first.
Hi, Toga!
Just letting you know I'm starting my move-in on the first day of school, so I’m going to be lagging a little behind you! I'm not bringing a lot of stuff though, so don't worry about leaving space for me.
Looking forward to meeting you, and hope we get along well!
-Ochako
Himiko read the email over and over again for a week, until her move-in day.
The morning of her departure, her upstairs neighbors sent her off with some phone numbers and a parting gift in a cheap thermos, which she carefully smuggled out with her. Her older cousin then arrived to pick her up, helping her unpack as soon as they got up to her room.
Between the bed on the left wall closer to the door, and the other on the right closer to the window, Himiko decided to pick the latter. She adorned her bed in a soft comforter, warm blankets, and colorful, squeezable plushies. Her cousin made a snide comment of how it looked more like an omega’s bed than an alpha’s, causing Toga enough embarrassment to strip away some of the warmer blankets. With that, her cousin took them, and then left.
When Himiko was finally alone, she sat in the middle of the floor and cracked open her thermos for a sip. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she tasted shochu. Blinking them away, she silently promised to cherish every single drop for as long as it lasted.
She shook her head of the thought. No, like Mag said, she knew where to find them. This wasn’t the end.
“You can make new friends!"
So Himiko switched gears, focusing on a plan to make the best first impression on her new roommate. She had a week to prepare for her arrival.
Well… Ochako said she wasn’t bringing a lot of stuff with her, right?
After tireless efforts and many train rides, Himiko had assembled a variety of welcoming gifts she thought would blow Ochako away.
Boxes of various assorted fancy filled mochi, a pretty tin of high-quality hojicha tea, and a squishable alien plushie about the size of an average body pillow, were all piled on top of what would soon enough be Ochako's desk.
To top it off, Himiko took a generous glug from her special thermos before the other girl arrived. They only had a few hours before class started, so this intro was going to be limited. She really didn't want to mess it up.
As she put the thermos down, Ochako entered the room, instantly dropping her bags on the floor.
"Welcome, roomie!" Himiko practically squealed.
“Oh, wow, hi!" Ochako smiled nervously, looking incredibly flustered. "Nice to finally meet you…"
Himiko grinned, adoring how shy she seemed, and how her voice sounded like sunlight and bells.
"Super nice to finally meet you too! Need any help unpacking?"
"N-No! I'm good, just going to make my bed before I go."
"You sure? Looks like you might want to take it a little easy on your wrist there."
Ochako blinked, glancing at her brace with a grimace, before waving her hands.
"I'm fine, I promise!"
The alpha didn’t buy it, but she knew better than to push. She wasn't that kind of alpha, and she was going to prove it, dammit.
"Alrighty, as you wish!" Himiko gestured to the desk, "By the way, got you some stuff to ring in the start of our dorming experience! What do you think?"
"Wait…" Ochako's eyes blew wide, "That's all… for me?"
"Sure is! And that's not all!" Himiko ran over to her own desk and pulled open the drawers, revealing a plethora of notebooks, colorful paperclips, gel pens, and cute specialty pencils. "I got a ton of extra school supplies, so if you ever find yourself short, feel free to grab from my desk. Here, I think you'll like this one a lot!"
Himiko grabbed a black notebook patterned with neon planets and stars, nearly shoving it into Ochako's arms with enthusiasm. Ochako blushed, hugging the notebook to her chest.
"Wow, I love this! Thanks a lot!" She laughed nervously, cheeks tinted charmingly pink. Himiko's heart skipped, forcing her to shoot down the thought that the attraction might be mutual. She wasn't going to ruin this!
"Don't mention it! In fact, I also brought a lot of extra soap, shampoo, lotion, detergent, even toothpaste! And I've got even more snacks and some cooking supplies for the kitchen outside. Literally, feel free to help yourself any time! My stuff is yours!"
"Oh, uh, wow, thanks again…" Ochako fidgeted, putting the notebook away inside her desk. "That's really generous of you."
"Seriously, don't mention it!" Himiko beamed. Ochako’s scent began to bleed vividly into her senses, fruity and fragrant. Turning away, she tried to play it off, "Anyway! I'll let you get settled in. If you wanna join me for breakfast in the caf before class, just text me and I’ll let you know what table I’m at!"
"Will do!" Ochako smiled, bending down to dig out her bedsheets. "See ya!"
Himiko shut the door behind her, heart brimming with hope. That seemed good! Maybe this would really work.
A week passed.
Ochako never joined her for breakfast, lunch, or dinner that first day, or any day that week, though the invitation had been extended more than once. That was fine.
Also, Ochako only ever slept one night in their dorm room. She texted a lot that she was sleeping over in other friends’ dorm rooms, usually with someone named Tsuyu. And when Himiko thought about the nights during first term when she never made it back to her apartment, crashing upstairs at her friends’ place instead, she found that fine too. Plus, again, she remembered how shy Ochako was around her when they first met. It had only been a week, so they were still strangers.
It wasn’t like Himiko was expecting to be her best friend or something (though she had kind of secretly wished for it, silly as it was). If Ochako didn’t want to spend a lot of time together because she had other friends, that was fine. She just wanted Ochako to like her.
And well, there was no solid evidence that Ochako could possibly hate her. Besides, she ate all the mochi! That had to be a good sign, right?
Then two weeks passed. Then three weeks, and then suddenly it was October, leaving them one month into the second term of school.
Ochako had spent maybe three, five nights total sleeping in their shared dorm room. And yeah, it was a little suspicious. But Himiko thought of how attached she still was to her friends from the apartment, and how she’d even skipped class just last Friday to join them for a game night, and ended up sleeping over. She’d even forgotten to text Ochako where she’d been! So when Ochako also took off for this Tsuyu’s dorm, or this Deku’s dorm, or one time this Iida’s dorm, she thought maybe it was like that.
And then, one drizzling day, they happened to get back from class around the same time.
“Heyy, it’s been a while!” Himiko greeted, tossing her bag near her bed. The beta girl flinched, but Himiko ignored it.
“Hey,” Ochako smiled at her, before going hurriedly through her desk. She didn’t say anything else.
“Noticed the mochi went pretty fast,” Himiko continued. “Did you like it?”
“Uh, yeah! It's good!” Ochako laughed, still nervous.
Himiko concealed a frown and settled down at her desk, shrugging off her mildly damp uniform blazer. She observed the fine film of mist clinging to Ochako’s hair, yearning to reach out and run her fingers through it.
“Do you want me to get more?” She offered.
“Oh, no thanks! Don’t trouble yourself too much on my account!”
Ochako seemed to find what she wanted and stuffed it into her backpack, before heading back for the door.
“Are you sure? It really won’t be any trouble! Since tomorrow, I’m already planning to stop by—”
The door slammed shut mid-sentence.
Suddenly, it didn’t feel like the nervousness was from friendly shyness anymore.
Himiko tried to convince herself otherwise. Maybe Ochako was having a bad day, because she was busy, or got a bad grade, or something happened at home. Or maybe she had to rush to an appointment to get that wrist injury checked. Anyway, if it was her business, Ochako would say something. Yeah, that’s what Himiko told herself, trying to focus on her homework.
But then a horrible notion dawned on her.
She cracked open her laptop and did what Ochako must have also done at some point before they met: looked up her name on a search engine.
Her heart sank further when a news article about Akio Saitou featured in the top results. Paling, she saw there was also a video embedded in the report. When she hit play, the first thing that assaulted her eyes was a photo of his massive, freshly-stitched bite scar.
Slamming her laptop shut, Himiko buried her face in her hands.
So much for leaving her past in the past. Once again, the world spiralled down beyond her control. While she had been busy falling head over heels for Ochako online, her roommate had taken one look at that article and felt—
Cutting off her train of thought, she searched for her thermos, finding it empty once again. Swearing, she dug through her drawers with tears streaming down her cheeks, until she found her long-neglected suppressants.
Not wanting a clear head, she knocked one back.
The rest of her afternoon was blurry, melting fast into midnight. Dazed, she crawled into the bed by the door and wrapped herself in sheets that smelled faintly sweet.
Breathing in Ochako’s scent, she fell asleep, dreaming of blood between her teeth.
Chapter 4: Breaking Point
Notes:
Okay, the girls are gonna play nice now!
I just want to say, if you don't like the pacing of classic BL anime, I'm terribly sorry, because that's what you'll be getting going forward. I really wanted a GL written in the same way, lol. I love the tension and conflict of the overwhelming lover and their reticent counterpart, and I love the chase of that so, so much, but I rarely see it in other F/F ships. Togachako is so perfect for it IMHO, and they have so much depth it begs to be explored.
So I hope you'll be looking forward to that too! Happy Halloween, please enjoy!
-Reddie
Chapter Text
This was a nightmare.
Ochako didn’t ask for much. All she had wanted was an easier time at school, to cut the daily commutes out of her schedule. She couldn’t help but wonder if this was a blaring sign from the universe that, yes, this had been a selfish decision! How dare she want something even mildly inconvenient to other people!
And the price to pay for it was getting an unstable attack dog as her roommate.
Ochako blinked numbly in disbelief as the news report video embedded in the article played, switching over from a reporter to the victim of the attack.
“It was... unexpected...” Saitou laughed nervously, gesturing to his bandaged neck. “We were just on a date, you know? I didn’t-I never thought it’d turn out like this!”
On that note, she closed the browser tab, and then her laptop. Crap, she’d already sent the email.
This was a nightmare.
Well, too late to back out now! Her parents had already put in the first deposit for a year-long payment plan. If Ochako followed her cold feet all the way back home, she wasn’t sure how much more trouble it would cause for her family and the school.
What if there was a surcharge for cancelling? What if there was a delay until they could take her out of the dorms, and they wouldn’t refund any of the deposits her parents had made afterward? Worse, what if ducking out at the last minute made her roommate angry at her, and then they still saw each other on campus?
Oho, Ochako did not want to find out what it would be like to receive that anger.
So, as per usual, she accepted her fate with a smile. If things got hairy, she had a semester of martial arts class under her belt, didn’t she? And with her stiff, broken arm, it wasn’t like she was looking to pick a fight right now! No, no, no, this was fine.
She could just deal with it!
It started as a balancing act: avoid Toga, but be nice to her.
So Ochako accepted her roommate’s gifts politely, enjoying the mochi and the tea, albeit somewhat guiltily. She exchanged phone numbers for emergency purposes, as much as she wished she didn’t have to. She kindly declined meeting in the cafeteria at every invitation, trying to pass off some natural excuses for not meeting up with her, apologizing for not eating with her. To her relief, those invitations stopped, and nothing seemed to change in her roommate’s demeanor.
She’d occasionally send texts back to check on Toga too, to make sure at the bare minimum of human decency that she was safe and okay. Toga always cheerfully replied she was doing great, sometimes rambling on for paragraphs at a time about how much fun she had at a friend’s place, or how crowded the train was, or where she was going. She’d always let Ochako know when she was coming back. Thankfully, the alpha was safe, and they were civil.
“It was... unexpected...”
Still, that cheerful calmness left Ochako uneasy. There was a looming uncertainty of whether or not Toga would snap at her for one slip. Ideally, she hoped to keep her roommate at arm’s length: just within reach to check on her mood, and just a backstep away if that mood was to go sour. She wanted to stay just far enough away.
And so her solution was to turn to her friends for respite.
Sometimes, she’d crash in Izuku’s room… sans Izuku. Not wanting to worry him too much, she didn’t fully explain her roommate situation to him. But it seemed she didn’t need to, as Izuku opened his door generously to her without too many questions. He’d let her borrow his bed on the many nights he spent sleeping over at Bakugo’s place. Or maybe “sleeping” was generous.
It was pretty clear even to Ochako when Izuku was in heat. Suppressants could only do so much to curb the heightened sensitivity symptom of the average heat cycle. And Izuku didn’t seem to be taking them anymore, from how he now flinched away from casual touch in public. Not to mention his roommate Aoyama would frequently send him off with obvious, knowing looks that made Izuku blush up to his ears.
Yeah, no, of course Izuku was probably screwing his boyfriend.
Ochako tried not to let the thought keep her up at night, doing sit-ups on his bed until she fell into blissfully blank exhaustion. Then she’d wake up a little too comfortable, surrounded by the faint, gentle smell of his sweat lingering on the bedding. For a moment, she could pretend that was what omega pheromones smelled like, before fully waking herself up.
That was only occasional. Most nights, she’d sleep over at Tsuyu’s room whenever she could help it.
“My god, you’re like our third roommate now!” Ashido teased, hauling in the futon for Ochako.
“If only...” Ochako sighed dreamily, watching the bedding fall to the floor.
One month into school, this became an unofficial but blatant truth. She’d explained the roommate situation in full to both Tsuyu and Ashido, which led the latter to dig up the video. In response, the spare futon was brought over from Ashido’s place, about a week into their new frequent sleepover arrangement.
“Maybe I could swap places with you,” Ashido grinned devilishly, elbowing her friend.
“Oh no, you don’t!” Ochako elbowed back playfully as Ashido jokingly batted her lashes.
“Just saying! Every time you come back from your room, her smell clings to you, and man! She smells like a real cutie!”
Ochako rolled her eyes with a soft laugh, “Please! You really think I’d let you end up as the next maimed alpha on her list?”
“That boy needed stitches, Ashido,” Tsuyu pointed out pleasantly, carrying in the spare blankets.
“High risk, high reward!” Ashido pointed finger-guns. “Also, who knows? Could’ve been a kinky accident! Alpha-on-alpha action can get pretty wild, you know!”
“Says the girl who’s never dated anyone,” Tsuyu replied bluntly. Amused, Ochako watched them banter while laying the sheets out over her futon.
“Yet!” Ashido stuck out her tongue. “Speaking of dates, how’s your girlfriend been, Tsu? Did she text you back yet?
Tsuyu nodded, “Habuko says she’ll be able to make it Friday night, so I’m really glad! I can’t wait for you guys to meet her!”
“Oh, wait, what’s happening Friday again? I remember Iida said something,” Ochako sat up, having arranged the bedding to her liking. Today was Tuesday, so whatever was planned for a Friday night sounded like a good time.
“Bunch of our class is getting together for karaoke,” Ashido grinned. “You should definitely come too!”
“Only if you want to,” Tsuyu added. “Bakugo and Midoriya are both going to be there together, so if you’d rather not...”
“No, no, I—I still want to hang out!” Ochako replied quickly, hoping she didn’t sound too defensive.
Tsuyu saw right through her and, angel that she was, didn’t press on it. But it was a pretty obvious sore spot. Even Ashido was backing off a little, smiling at her a little sadly.
Jeez, okay, so what if her crush rejected her for one of the strongest alpha boys in their class, who she was maybe a little jealous of since the sports festival, not that she’d admit it out loud? She’d get over it! It shouldn’t be that much of a conversation stopper!
“Well then, hell yeah!” Ashido cheered on, “The more the merrier! I wanna hear you hit those high notes, Uraraka!”
“Yeah!” Ochako pumped a fist in the air, “Sounds like it’ll be tons of fun!”
The conversation drifted to what kind of food and soda they could probably get from the karaoke place too, when it suddenly hit Ochako to check her bag for her laptop, wanting to check out the menu. As she dug through the contents of her bag, she swore softly under her breath.
“What happened?” Tsuyu blinked, mildly concerned.
“I forgot a textbook I need for tomorrow’s class,” Ochako groaned, pulling on her jacket over her pajamas. “One sec, guys, I have to go back to my dorm building to grab it.”
Tsuyu reached an arm out, “Wait, are you sure you can’t just get it in the morning? It’s really late!”
“I’m not going to wake up early enough to avoid Toga. And she’s probably asleep by now, so she won’t notice me,” Ochako explained, slinging her bag strap over her shoulder.
“If you say so. Stay safe.”
“I’ll be right back!” Ochako waved, closing the door behind her.
Leave it to a cold Tuesday night to change her whole world.
Having to drop by her assigned dorm to quickly pick up something for a class, even at two in the morning, was not a first. It had happened a couple of times already before, and both times, Toga had slept like a brick right through it. She didn’t expect to see anything different this time.
Ochako existed moving quickly in and out of this room. Toga would acknowledge her first, and Ochako would respond. That was their norm, until tonight.
There was Toga, wide awake.
There she was, hunched over in Ochako’s bed, wrapped up in Ochako’s unwashed sheets, taking deep, shuddering breaths from the fabric, golden eyes rolling into the back of her head.
Ochako’s bag dropped to the floor, causing Toga to freeze.
The beta girl stared in shock, face burning up in embarrassment, brain swimming in confusion. All kinds of questions and concerns cycled through her head.
Why was Toga up so late? What was she doing in Ochako’s bed and not her own? Crap, had she been doing this every time Ochako was gone? And why on Earth did she look like an omega in heat?
Ochako’s mind came to a screeching halt when she noticed tears glistening in the faint light. Those usually sharp, chipper eyes were now red and puffy, sheer misery painted across them.
“Ochako?” Toga sobbed.
At the hoarse, helpless sound, Ochako’s heart ached down to its core.
In that moment, every ounce of apprehension melted into nothingness. Right now, all Ochako could think about was folding her arms around this poor girl, making the tears stop. All she could think about was easing the pain laid out so vividly in front of her.
As Ochako sat right beside her on the bed, hand extended, Toga flinched away. She couldn’t stop hiccuping.
“Oh, no, hey. Hey. Toga...” Ochako slowly, gently wrapped her arms around the other girl, trying not to startle her. “Hey. Are you okay? What’s going on?”
To her relief, Toga returned the embrace.
“I-I-I’m so… so s-sorry...” Toga hiccuped, pressing her trembling frame into Ochako’s. “You smell s-so nice.”
Ochako felt her heart skip a beat.
“Do I?”
Toga cried harder, nuzzling impossibly closer, clinging like Ochako was life itself.
“You do,” Toga choked out.
Ochako squeezed back just as hard.
They stayed just like that, for what felt like hours. Ochako continued to soothe a hand down Toga’s back even long after the hiccups died down, long after the shakiness subsided. Only when she felt the heaviness of Toga’s calmed, sleeping body in her arms did Ochako’s heart at last know peace.
“Literally, feel free to help yourself any time! My stuff is yours!”
Clarity bled in after the fact, and a heaviness filled Ochako’s soul.
Logically, she knew this didn’t change what Toga had done in the past. Ochako had every reason to be wary. In fact, she should have felt uneasy, now knowing that Toga was probably sleeping in Ochako’s bed while she was gone. Yet, in place of fear, Ochako could now only feel pain for her roommate.
As far as she knew, Toga didn’t really have friends here at this school.
Unlike Ochako, Toga had only started attending UA this year. The only friends she did have lived at some apartment complex in the more run-down parts of town. And now that she actually thought about it, it seemed Toga didn’t have the chance to see them often. Most of the time, she was probably just here alone, occupied only with homework.
The very thought carved a hollow at the center of Ochako’s soul. No matter what the alpha had done, it was hard to believe anybody deserved to be as lonely as that.
Tsuyu texted her.
>>hey, should we be concerned?
<<no, i’m okay!
<< sorry if i worried you guys!!
>>are you headed back right now?
<<actually, sorry again.
<<but i’m going to sleep in my room tonight
<<i need to make sure my roommate is okay
>>did something happen?
<<yeah. nothing bad though!
<<i’ll tell you guys tomorrow, so don’t worry
>>alright…
>>are you sure you’re okay?
<<definitely, promise
<<i’m gonna sleep now, so good night!
Ochako silenced her phone, before lying down in Toga’s bed, doing sit-ups into exhaustion. As she drifted off, a faint, warm scent enveloped her: unfamiliar, yet comforting.
Chapter Text
Himiko woke up with a looming sense of doom.
First thing in the morning to fill her lungs was the sweet, overwhelming fragrance of Ochako. And when she turned, she saw the source of the scent sleeping soundly on her bed.
Murmuring in her sleep, Ochako turned on her side, head tilting back to expose her throat.
Brain short-circuiting at the sight, Himiko’s mouth watered, pulse pounding in her chest. It took everything in her not to pounce on the poor slumbering beta girl as she hopped out of bed. Instead, she tamped her ravenous inner alpha down viciously, grabbing for her thermos to suck down enough liquor to keep her in check.
Granted, the shot went down hard. Because it was pointless now. If Ochako didn’t hate her already, she would when she woke up.
Because Himiko is an animal of an alpha with no fucking self-control! That’s how things ended with her omega friend from elementary, and that’s how things ended with her first love, and that’s how they will end with Ochako.
No roommate in their right mind, no matter how nice, could possibly be okay with the discovery of their roommate not only sleeping in their bed behind their back, but also huffing their sheets like a desperate dog!
“No one will love you like that.”
Himiko blinked back tears. Honestly, what kind of excuse could she possibly even give? She was lonely, not getting any texts back from anyone at that hour, and hopelessly head over heels for a cute girl who very clearly hated her guts, as much as she didn’t want to acknowledge it.
And this was the best she could do to keep from breaking open completely in the solitude of it all. Sleep in Ochako’s bed. Smell the spots on her sheets where there were mild bloodstains, or where scrapes and even small paper cuts had brushed against the fabric. Inhale the pure, unreal bliss that was Ochako’s scent and pretend she could live in a world where this lovely, adorable girl actually liked her back.
Yeah, what a fucking lunatic fairytale that was.
Himiko glanced over again at Ochako’s sleeping form on the bed across from her, heart heavy at the thought of last night’s embrace, uncertain.
If she’d learned anything, it seemed that Ochako was nice, the same way Saitou was nice.
Given too much time alone to reflect, Himiko concluded that he’d only ever entertained her feelings out of politeness. He never said he actually liked her back the way she liked him, only that he wanted to try on an alpha girl for a day. If it had really meant anything more to him, he wouldn’t have flinched away that day at the hospital.
Otherwise, he would’ve protested the restraining order.
Otherwise, he would’ve fought for her, the same way he did for his teammate the fateful day she fell for him.
Otherwise, he would’ve stood up for her, defended her, said he’d asked to be bitten instead of staying silent when his parents accused her of attacking without any warning.
Yes, Saitou had been nice to her. But ultimately, he didn’t really care about Himiko. Since then, Himiko hasn’t been sure of how to trust that type of niceness.
If Ochako had hugged her just out of pity, or obligation, or awkwardness last night, if it really meant nothing once again, she wasn’t sure her heart was prepared to take that kind of rejection again so soon.
As Ochako stirred to life with a yawn, Himiko held her breath.
“Toga…?” She murmured, rubbing her eyes, hair a little messy.
Himiko’s heart leapt into her throat. Smacking her thermos back down on the desk, she grinned.
“Good morning! Sleep okay?”
“Uh, yeah, actually,” Ochako stretched out her arms. “Did you?”
“Y-Yeah!”
Ochako’s brows knit together, and Himiko swallowed, feeling cornered as the beta looked up at her with those big, round doe eyes.
“Are you sure? You were up really late.”
She couldn’t begin to understand why. Why would Ochako pretend to care about how Himiko was feeling, when she clearly would’ve preferred to live in a world where this horrible, dysfunctional alpha didn’t exist, like everyone else who’s ever lived with her?
“Of course, I—” Himiko faltered, a pulse of heartbreak cresting over her. “I…”
Was Himiko really so pathetic as to be pitied?
A lull of silence fell over them, as the alpha trailed off. Slowly, Ochako rose to sit up, hunching over slightly, avoiding Himiko’s gaze as she finally spoke.
“Toga… can we talk about last night?”
No, Himiko wanted to run. But she still had at least a little pride as an alpha, and no alpha with any self-respect would run from a confrontation. She didn’t want pity, not from a nice girl or a polite boy, or anyone else on this saccharine-sweet, miserable Earth as far as she was concerned.
So, with a tired smile, she replied.
“Will you eat breakfast with me in the cafeteria while we do?”
If this was how it was going to end all over again, she wanted to at least claim one little morsel of selfishness: to sit and eat with her crush, like things could be normal. To delay the inevitable. And then rip off the bandage. Go on as if the solitude of existing as a burden didn’t hurt so devastatingly…
“Oh… well… only if you’re really okay with that.” Ochako paused, scratching the back of her head, “People might overhear if we do, and I don’t… want them judging you.”
Something about the way Ochako’s brows softened with the words made Himiko hopeful. She punched down said hope.
“It’s super loud there. I don’t think they’ll hear much.”
"Then, let's go."
Ochako agreed, letting Himiko lead the way.
They stood in line together quietly, each picking out what they wanted to eat as they shuffled their trays along, carrying their food to their table.
They avoided talking about anything substantial then, but Himiko couldn’t help but take in the little details with longing. She paid attention to how Ochako asked for extra rice, passed up on natto, and favored mackerel over yellowtail. She clung to those details, trying to cherish this feeling, the rising in her chest, before it was once again forced out, broken forever.
Once they were settled at their table, Himiko was the first to speak.
“I’m sorry you had to see me like that last night,” Himiko couldn’t help but smile sadly, wishing she’d had more to drink. “I know you want a proper explanation, but I can’t really give you one. I was lonely and it was exactly what it looked like. You caught me red-handed. So all I can say is sorry.”
“Huh? N-No, you—you don’t have to apologize! And it’s… fine, really,” Ochako reassured, trailing off, seeming uncertain. She stuffed a bit of rice into her mouth, going quiet.
But Himiko didn’t want room for doubt anymore.
“Listen,” Himiko kept smiling, though her brows knit together with mild remorse. “I know what’s online about me. And if you've seen it, I’m letting you know right now that you don’t have to pretend to tolerate me anymore. If you even hate me now, I’ll live with that in peace. I’ll stay out of your way for the rest of the semester, okay? So—so no more of this ‘civil nice girl’ act! Just… tell me what you really feel. Please.”
Ochako swallowed, expression shifting from shock to something unreadable. Then she answered, avoiding her eyes.
“Alright then, Toga. I’ll be honest with you. Yes, I’ve seen an article about… that... before I moved in. Yes, I was uncomfortable with you. Scared, even.” But then Ochako tightened her grip on her chopsticks slightly, before meeting her gaze head-on, “But I don’t hate you. I never have.”
A sound escaped Himiko’s throat like she’d been punched in the gut.
“No way!” she laughed instinctively.
“What?” Ochako huffed, “Yes way, I definitely mean that!”
“Seriously?” Himiko couldn’t help the mild anger that leaked into her tone, smile finally dropping slightly. “You expect me to just believe you’re totally okay with—that and… and what I did last night, before you came in?”
Ochako blushed a deep red, and heaven help them both, Himiko wished she had more booze.
The alpha girl stuffed some of her omelet into her mouth, to quell the burning tension in her abdomen. That damned, delectable scent was far too intense at this moment. It made her want to jump her roommate then and there, scent her, bite her, mount her for everyone else to see.
Holding her breath, Himiko weathered the storm. She felt sick, small, out of control. It was a wonder she was keeping it together at all like this.
“Well, no, I mean. I wasn’t totally okay with it. Who would be? But…” Ochako sighed, “Okay, look, Toga, yeah, it was weird, and really shocking to find you like that. But that’s not my main concern! I just wanted to ask about why you were crying last night, so I could help maybe. You seemed really upset!”
Himiko felt her heart catch in her throat once again, watching as Ochako reached a hand across the table, warm touch settling over the back of her palm. It felt foreign, undeserved. It felt like everything she’d ever wanted.
It felt too good to be true.
She blinked back her tears, shaking her head, “Why would you be… concerned?”
“Um, because you’re my roommate, and a human being?” Ochako answered, somewhat incredulous. “Why wouldn’t I be concerned about you?”
“But you just said you were scared of me,” Himiko protested, voice breaking slightly.
“Yeah! But I still cared if you were alright at least! I can’t let anything bad happen to my roommate!”
“That’s—” she cut herself off.
That’s crazy, is what she wanted to say. But it wouldn’t leave her mouth.
Could a girl that nice really exist?
Ochako squeezed Himiko’s hand slightly.
“I—o-okay. If you don’t want to tell me why you were upset last night, then I won’t pry. I just don’t want to see you in pain like that again, if I can help it. And my scent seems to help you, so… please help me understand what’s going on with you at least, because I have so many questions.”
Himiko replied cautiously, “Like, about what exactly?”
“For starters… how can you even smell me if I’m a beta?”
Oh, now that was a good question, one Himiko knew the answer to. And the answer was blood.
And that answer was bad.
“No one will love you like that.”
Unable to take much more, Himiko pulled her hand away, trying to calm the frenzy of her inner alpha.
"I was just born like this,” she explained with a slight shrug, trying to keep her tone casual. “I can smell everyone, not just omegas."
So Ochako asked questions, and Himiko answered, leaving out details when necessary. And for a moment, with that steady, attentive gaze fixed on her, Himiko felt like she was in middle school again, just after she had stopped taking suppressants.
Here, she could feel her heart welling up. Here, she could clearly feel hope, clearly feel how it ached all the way down to her bones. Here, she felt normal, just talking to her crush, before the bell chimed and parted them once again.
“A lot of my friends in class are also alphas, so is it okay if I talk to them a little about this? It might help.”
“Yeah, yeah, go ahead.” Himiko teased, grabbing her bag and getting up, “Besides, I'm sure you’ve already told them tons about me, anyway.”
“Well,” Ochako avoided her eyes, seeming slightly guilty underneath her embarrassment, “I’ll be sure to tell them they have nothing to worry about. And that… I’m not going to sleep over with them as much anymore.”
Himiko’s eyes widened.
“For real?”
“Yeah,” Ochako slung the strap of her bag over her shoulder and waved, smiling back at her. “Anyway, I’ll see you later, Toga!”
Her scent slowly disappeared as she stepped further and further away. The loss was devastating and alleviating all at once.
Himiko breathed a sigh of relief and quietly waved back, ribcage full to bursting. She wanted to ride on this forever.
Ochako went about her day, fighting to stay focused on her classes. She barely managed, with Toga’s explanations bouncing around in her head every now and again.
Since she was seven, Toga has been able to smell a unique scent of some kind from every single person she met, regardless of their mating type. Some people had stronger, more enjoyable scents than others. Her parents hadn’t believed it when she said so, and then her ability to pick up on each scent had only intensified over the years, leading to the typical rise in aggression most alphas grew up with through puberty. As a result, her incident with Saitou ended beyond poorly, and she had been ordered to take full-strength suppressants every day until adulthood.
It all filled Ochako’s heart up to her throat, with an overflowing sympathy. And it explained why the school felt confident in pairing them as roommates. Typically, cis female betas like Ochako would’ve ended up in dorms with omegas of the same gender, while alphas roomed with alphas of the same gender. Though in the first place, there wasn’t exactly as much risk for accidental pregnancy. After all, even if Toga hadn’t been medicated, it wasn’t like the school expected a scentless beta to activate her alpha instincts: no pheromones, no problems, right?
Except this might be a problem. Toga reacted to those sheets like she inhaled ecstasy or something. If that was how it was, the poor alpha girl may as well have been rooming with an omega.
Luckily, Toga didn’t have to deal with this alone. She had Ochako on her side now, and Ochako had good alpha friends to help them navigate their circumstances.
Tsuyu closed the dorm room door behind her, before joining her friends, who were sitting cross-legged together on the carpeted floor.
“Okay, dude, you had better spill,” Ashido leaned in, smacking her palms against her own knees. “You seriously had us in suspense last night! And now you reek of her! What’s that all about?”
“Alright, I’ll get to that! But, before I explain… last night… I have some kinda weird questions for you, Ashido,” Ochako blushed, pressing her hands together for a routine stretch.
“Weird questions?” Ashido pressed a palm to her chest, blinking, “For me? Oh, I dunno, I’m not exactly the most experienced alpha here, remember?”
Tsuyu raised her hand, “If you’re worried about pregnancy, you can always ask the school nurse for a–”
“N-no, no! Not like that!” Ochako shook her head vehemently, face aflame at the mental image of their implications. “More like… Ashido, you can smell both alpha and omega pheromones, right?”
It was atypical, but not too uncommon for some alphas to be able to smell the pheromones of other alphas, sometimes exclusively, other times alongside omega scents. A lot of alphas who were like that preferred to be discreet, as it was embarrassing to show any sign of submissiveness to another alpha. But Ashido had always been pretty outspoken about her attraction to other alphas as well as omegas, and proudly so.
“Correct, I’m diosmic!” Ashido gave a thumbs-up, similar to their classmate Kaminari. “Oh, okay, so what do you wanna know?”
“Since Tsu’s also an alpha, and you can smell her too, uh… like, is it ever… hard rooming with her?”
“Ohhh! Nah, it's super easy. I just take suppressants every morning.”
“And they’re the same kind of suppressants most alphas take?”
“Yup! Works on me like every alpha I know! I can still smell all the pheromones, but the part of my brain that tells me to go ballistic at the scents gets super dull because of the suppressants.”
“Is there a particular brand you use?”
“Nope! Inhibitor Max, Meltaway, Quell-X, pretty much all of them work on me. I usually opt for the 24-hour kind, but I can use the 12-hour and 8-hour tablets too in a pinch. I know it varies from alpha to alpha too, so I’m pretty lucky!” Ashido grinned, before gasping. “Wait, is she having trouble finding a brand that works for her? Is that why you asked?”
“That's not it. Well, I mean, I don’t really know for sure,” Ochako admitted, hanging her head. “Maybe she is having trouble with suppressants for all I know.”
Tsuyu frowned, “So then, what happened last night?”
“Okay, so… when I got back to my dorm, she wasn’t asleep, and she was crying so hard she could barely speak. So I tried to comfort her by hugging her, because she really looked like she needed a hug, so that’s why I must smell like her now. But anyway, I’m asking this stuff because… she said she could smell me.”
Tsuyu and Ashido stared at her in surprised silence, exchanging glances before looking back at Ochako.
“Smell you? As in like…?” Ashido made claw hands, baring her teeth and chomping at the empty air.
“Yeah.”
“That’s impossible!” Tsuyu blinked, dumbfounded. “You’re a beta. Are you sure she wasn't talking about a lotion or spray you used?”
“I'm pretty sure. I don’t know if you guys really noticed, but I’m not really the kind of beta that uses perfumes or anything like that. Plus, I usually just get the odorless kind of soaps and stuff because it’s cheaper, y’know? And anyway, when we were hugging, she said...” Ochako scratched the back of her neck, cheeks burning at the memory, “She, uh, said I smelled nice. And I’m pretty sure she meant it like that.”
Her alpha friends stared, wide-eyed.
“Duuuuude,” Ashido leaned forward on both arms. “That does not sound normal. She should get that checked out!”
Tsuyu agreed, “Yeah. If this really isn’t a mistake and she's smelling something other than pheromones, it could be a sign of a major health issue.”
A thrill of fear ran cold through Ochako's veins at the idea. If so, what luck that she’d caught Himiko last night when she did.
Ochako nodded, "I'll tell her later tonight when I head back."
A beat of silence passed between the three of them, before Ashido cleared her throat a little awkwardly.
"Soooo… is this going to be like, a regular thing from now on?" she asked warily. "As in, the end of our third roommate saga?"
"I mean, I'll still sleep over sometimes! But, yeah," Ochako nodded. "It won't be as often anymore."
Tsuyu cautioned, "I still don't know about this, Ochako. It’s really nice of you to care about her, but are you sure this is safe?"
"Yes, I promise," Ochako answered. At their worried expressions, she doubled down, "You guys didn't see the way she looked last night! I need to make sure she'll be okay. And besides, she was actually really nice to me when I moved in, and I feel super bad that I never mentioned that to you guys. She… clearly cares about me too. So I want to do the same for her.”
"Hmm. If you say so…” Tsuyu placed a hand on Ochako’s shoulder. “Just know our door is always open to you, alright?"
Ochako's heart swelled with affection. She was lucky to have such protective, caring friends.
Pulling them both into a quick hug, she agreed.
"Alright. Thanks, you guys."
Now it was her turn to share that love forward.
The temperature dropped that night, leaving Ochako’s teeth chattering as she stripped down to change into warm pajamas. As she pulled on a hand-me-down tee and an old pair of sweatpants, she noticed she wasn’t the only one shivering.
Toga lay in bed on her side, turned away from Ochako, fixated on the dim glow of her phone screen. Beneath a thin layer of sheets, the alpha girl’s body trembled and twitched, like she was trying not to let on that she was cold in spite of herself.
What a classic sign of alpha posturing: toughing it out, concealing weakness in that subtle way Ochako had noticed in so many of her alpha classmates, including Tsuyu and Ashido. Any sign of vulnerability aside from occasionally venting about small things was pretty rare from them.
A soft pulse of sympathy washed over the beta girl at the sight. Toga was probably most embarrassed that Ochako had not only seen her looking so weak, but also that a beta had to be the one to help her out of that state. This was Toga trying to prove herself, trying to show Ochako she wouldn’t need so much help again.
But mating types be damned, she wanted this room to be a safe place to unravel, for both of them.
Without any further hesitation, she peeled a fluffy blanket off the foot of her bed, wrapping it around herself thoroughly before walking over to Toga’s bed.
At last, the alpha slowly turned to look at her, unable to hide the way her pupils dilated. Ochako tried not to flinch under the attention, though she felt her face burning up. Though she’d never say so out loud, those golden eyes were really quite lovely.
“Hey, roomie,” Toga greeted softly, placing her phone face down on the pillow. “What’s up?”
Ochako smiled wordlessly, before draping the blanket over Toga. The alpha peeked her head out and blinked up at her, slightly stunned and confused.
“Uh, you looked cold!” Ochako explained.
“Oh! Well, I’m not an omega, you know,” Toga lilted playfully, breaking eye contact.
“I know, but you still deserve to be warm,” Ochako insisted kindly. “Does this help?”
“Yeah…” Toga wrapped the blanket tighter around herself, though hesitantly. “Aren’t you going to be cold though?”
Ochako shook her head, “I overheat pretty easily, actually.”
“Ah. That explains why your smell is kind of intense right now,” Toga gave up a single weak laugh, lying back down on the bed, now turned on her side towards Ochako.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
Her voice came out slightly hoarse, slightly strained. Toga closed her eyes, chest rising and falling on a deep inhale. The way she melted back into her mattress with the action sent a soft pulse of guilt through Ochako.
The beta girl retreated back to her bed, sitting up against the headboard.
“Does this help?”
“Kind of,” Toga answered hesitantly, before turning her back to Ochako again. “I’ve got it all under control. Don’t worry about it so much, ‘kay?”
“I’m not worried.”
“Sure, sure,” Toga half-giggled, half-hummed. She took up her phone again, turning the screen back on.
A beat of silence fell over them for a moment, before Ochako dared to ask.
“Hey, Toga. What do I smell like to you?”
Toga put her phone back down and paused.
“Oh. This is the first time anyone’s ever asked me that. Huh.”
When Toga didn’t turn back to look at her again, Ochako tried to back off.
“Sorry. Is it too hard to describe or…?”
“Not really, no. Like, you have this.... bright red fruit smell?” Toga rolled onto her back, staring up at the ceiling in thought. “Specifically red. Like when you cut into a ripe strawberry, or bite into the pit of a cherry, or crush a pomegranate seed, you know? It fills the room, and it’s… it’s just really good.”
Ochako felt the breath catch in her lungs. This settled it, it couldn’t be a mistake. No soap, no deodorant, no detergent, nothing she had ever used as far as she could remember had that smell.
Toga really was smelling her.
“I’m flattered,” She finally replied, somewhat reverent.
Toga teased, “Heh. Bet you don’t hear that often, do you?”
“Well, I am a beta…” Ochako finally lay back, pressing the back of her head into the pillows.
“Hm,” Toga hummed in reply, seeming close to drifting off. Briefly, Ochako wondered if she should just leave it at that, but she couldn’t stop thinking about what Tsuyu said.
“If this really isn’t a mistake and she's smelling something other than pheromones, it could be a sign of a major health issue.”
“Hey, Toga. Since I clearly can’t give off a pheromone scent, how do you think you’re able to smell me?”
A long pause filled the room again with silence.
“I know the answer, but I don’t think you’d like it.” Toga sat up briefly to flick off the lights, before turning her back once again. “So, don't worry about it. Let’s just leave it at that.”
The beta tried not to frown. While she hoped to get to the bottom of this sooner, to really make sure Toga wasn’t slowly dying from a rare disorder or something, it wouldn’t do any good to corner her either. This was clearly a sensitive subject, and Ochako definitely didn’t want to push too hard against Himiko's already delicate pride.
“Alright, just. Know I’m not going to judge you, for whatever it is,” Ochako reassured. “If you change your mind, feel free to talk to me.”
“Okay…”
“I mean it,” Ochako insisted once again, “I promise. Just… take your time. And you can tell me if and when you’re comfortable. I… know I didn't treat you the best, since we first started rooming together, and I'm sorry for that. But I’m here to support you now, okay?”
“Okay,” Toga sighed, somewhere between relieved and uncertain. “Good night, Uraraka.”
“You can call me Ochako.”
The alpha hummed to herself, sounding pleased, “Good night then, Ochako.”
With that, Ochako closed her eyes, listening carefully to the quiet sound of her roommate’s breathing, before finally surrendering to sleep.
Notes:
Aw, man, I really struggled with this chapter for several passes because it just didn't feel right, so I hope that made sense? And that it was still engaging? Eh, sometimes you gotta just throw it in and say "good enough".
BTW diosmia is made-up word just for this fic, but it does have a base meaning, like the real words anosmia and parosmia (which are actual real-life smell disorders!). You may see some of these real-life terms later on too, but they will have slightly different meanings that are specific to this ABO AU (and you can see more about it in this post too, if you want).
And we are approaching the chapter drought soon enough, but I am this close (👌🏽) to finishing chapter 6. May it go well, and I look forward to seeing you all next update. Cheers!
-Reddie
Chapter 6: Familiar Face
Notes:
Ahdfjgksdhf no wonder this took forever, this chapter ended up being like 5k! Also, i ended up getting very wrapped up in an OC rp for a wildly different fandom with a friend too, so yeah. I'm gonna be distracted while drafting the next chapter too lolol. Depends on how frequently my friend is able to respond, tbh.
Hate to say it, but this'll update when it updates, essentially. Hope you'll enjoy!
-Reddie
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
With flowers in her hand and a visitor’s sticker on her chest, Himiko entered the hospital room.
Instantly, her eyes met Saitou’s, guilty at the sudden stiffness in his frame as he sat up in his bed.
“Toga?” He smiled at her, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Hi,” She greeted in kind, holding out the flowers in her hand. “Just dropping by to say sorry. I know I got carried away, but I hope you know I didn’t mean to hurt you so badly! So. Please, forgive me?”
The soft laugh that escaped his throat filled her chest with hope.
“It’s… okay, Toga. I understand. Was that your first time being in rut?”
She blushed, “Well, uh. Kinda, y-yeah…”
“Mm. Then I’m flattered to be your first. You liked my scent that much, huh?”
He smiled at her coyly, shyly placing a hand over his bandages.
A knot of guilt wadded itself up in her throat as she thought of the luscious way his blood gushed out, flooding her mouth, filling her senses with sheer pleasure. His pine smell radiated, and the impulse to rip the bandages back off throbbed in her skull. Her mouth watered.
Himiko outstretched a trembling hand, letting her fingertips brush over his.
“I—”
“You little demon! What are you doing in here?”
Turning back towards the door, the smell of burning fury engulfed her in vivid, scalding orange, turning slowly to a deep red.
Forgetting her dream, Himiko woke up the next day on Cloud Nine.
For her, it was heaven, coming to consciousness wrapped in a sweet, comforting scent, being greeted first thing by the visage of a girl whose face made her heart flutter, knowing that this girl chose to share this space with her.
This beta girl, who knew what Himiko did, who admitted she was scared… and yet didn’t run away.
Better yet, the beta doted on her, with soft blankets and supportive actions, without any judgment or remarks on how an alpha like her should be stronger. Yes, Ochako slept soundly just across the room, falling slack and soothed into slumber. She felt safe enough to do that.
It felt unreal. Therefore, it felt… off.
Watching the rise and fall of her sleeping roommate’s breathing, Himiko continued to battle her hopes for a real friendship down with her daily dose of alcohol. Though, man, she sure wanted to believe this was genuine. After all, it wasn’t like Ochako could fake getting good sleep, could she?
In just a few minutes, Ochako stirred awake with a soft noise. Pushing all other thoughts aside, Himiko cherished the moment as her heart swelled with affection.
“Good morning,” Ochako yawned, rubbing her eyes. “Happy Friday.”
Himiko giggled at her, “It’s Thursday, actually.”
“Oh, it is, huh?” Ochako murmured, sitting up to grab her phone and see the date for herself.
“I getcha, can’t wait for the week to be over either,” Himiko teased.
“Well—yeah, definitely. But actually, I’m looking forward to something else, on Friday.”
“Oh?”
Ochako nodded, “There’s this class hangout my friend Iida is hosting tomorrow night! It’s going to be this karaoke place with a great menu, and I’m really excited to try it!”
“Ohh! Sounds like fun!” Himiko crooned.
While it brought a brief pulse of pain to her to think about how this might mean she’s going to spend another night holed up alone in this room again, it did set her heart aflutter to see her roommate so excited at least.
“Yeah? You wanna tag along?”
Himiko’s brain screeched to a halt. That was… unexpected.
“Oh! Are you—you’re inviting me? Tomorrow?” She blinked in disbelief, pointing at herself.
“Uh, well, if you’re free, I mean!” Ochako flustered, as if she’d made some mistake, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to assume like you have nothing going on or anything like—just. I think it’d be great if you got to meet my friends and all! But if you have other plans tomorrow…”
“Well, I don’t actually have plans tomorrow night, but… I dunno. Won’t your classmates think I’m intruding or something?”
Truthfully, Himiko didn’t care about intruding, because free food or even just watching some kids her age singing badly sounded fun. However, she did kind of care about the possibility of Ochako’s friends not liking her, possibly hating her even, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to find out.
“Nonsense, you’ll fit right in. Besides, Tsu’s bringing her girlfriend from another school, so I shouldn’t have any issues bringing you along too!”
Himiko couldn’t help but grin, heart skipping a beat at being compared to her friend’s girlfriend. Mag’s words again rang through her head, filling her chest with hope.
“Then count me in!”
Their train rolled through its route smoothly as usual, Ochako making for a soothing, peaceable buffer between Toga in a corner seat and everyone else on the train. By the time they gotten to their stop, their car had been packed to the brim, squeezing them close together.
Before Ochako could overthink the heat of the alpha’s thigh pressed against her own, they escaped out the door onto the platform.
“Whoo, nice! Can you hold onto this for me?” Toga chirped, surrendering her phone, “My dress doesn’t have any pockets.”
“Yeah, of course!”
Ochako accepted the phone, unable to help the way her eyes flickered briefly down on the way the alpha’s tiny polished jade heart pendant draped over her ample bust. A mild twinge of a sour warmth prickled in her chest, before she shook it away, tucking Toga’s phone into her bag.
“Alrighty! Which way, roomie?”
Unhesitant, Ochako smiled and took her hand.
“Follow me!”
After weaving their way through the streets with the help of a navigation app, they easily found their way to the party’s reserved booth. Upon opening the door, they were greeted by the clamor of several high schoolers, a girl singing amazingly, and one rather excited squeal of a certain pink-haired alpha.
“Oh my god, we were wondering when you were getting here!” Ashido charged up to them, Tsuyu in tow. Ashido then turned to Toga, “Oooh, I recognize that scent! You must be Uraraka’s roommate!”
“Bingo!” Ochako chimed cheerfully, “Guys, this is Himiko Toga.”
Tsuyu raised a hand, voice pleasant, “Nice to finally meet you. This is my roommate, Mina Ashido, and I’m Tsuyu Asui. But you can call me Tsu!”
“Oh, nice to meet you too!” Toga greeted, her grin somewhat bashful. “I’ve… heard that you’ve heard a lot about me, eheh…”
“Yeah, we sure have!” Ashido chimed in, positively beaming, “Don’t worry, I like things a little wild! I’m actually diosmic, so it’s nice to meet another alpha who knows where I’m coming from!”
Toga blinked, “Diosmic?”
“It means I can smell alpha and omega pheromones,” Ashido pointed between herself and Toga rapidly, “Like you! Except, you can also smell betas somehow, but that’s actually pretty cool! Super curious, can you tell me what I smell like to you?”
“Oh! Uh, you smell like…” Toga paused to sniff, her brief pre-game shot messing slightly with her perception, but not enough to completely dull the scent quite yet. “Ooh, interesting. A sort of coppery, metallic citrus smell.”
“Woooow, that’s sounds kickass,” Ashido smiled, seeming pleased.
“And what about me?” Tsuyu pointed at herself. Toga sniffed again.
“Kinda like… melon? Sorry, it’s a little faint to me.”
Tsuyu hummed, “That’s a first. Ashido says my scent is super strong, and my girlfriend Habuko says I smell like the ocean!”
“Ooh, wait, dude! Now I wanna know what Habuko smells like to you! Can you do that?” Ashido pumped her fists up and down excitedly in front of her.
“Yeah, sure!” Himiko smiled, keen on how enthusiastic she was. “Which one is she?”
“Come on, I’ll introduce ya!” She wrapped an arm around Toga’s waist in excitement, whisking her away towards the lanky girl in the corner, “Sorry, Uraraka, we’ll have her back to you in a sec!”
“Oh, okay! Have fun!” Ochako watched them prance off together, ignoring the way her stomach flipped a bit at the sight of Ashido squeezing Toga like that.
Tsuyu hung back with her for a brief moment, sighing.
“Aw, geez, I told her Habuko’s really shy! Before I join them and make sure they don’t overwhelm her,” Tsuyu pointed to the corner over her shoulder, “the songbook should be over there by now, where Kirishima is behind the soda machine! You should go look for songs you might want to sing, and then tell Iida what you want to order from the menu.”
“Oh, okay! Thanks, Tsu!” Ochako nodded, letting Tsuyu get past her. Giving a small wave back, she smiled.
“No problem! Just join us when you’re ready!”
With that, Tsuyu disappeared between two of their classmates, Todoroki and Sero letting her through. The two of them briefly acknowledged Ochako with a friendly nod and wave, before continuing on without missing a beat of whatever their ongoing conversation was.
Ochako continued on her way too, Kirishima patting her on the back in friendly greeting as they brushed past each other in opposite directions. Soon enough, she found the songbook sitting open on top of a side table by the soda machine.
As she reached out to take it, her hand overlapped with someone else’s.
Looking up, green eyes and flushed freckles met her gaze.
“O-oh, hi, Uraraka! Glad you could make it!” Izuku grinned, a little breathless, making her heart twinge. She responded in kind.
“Ah, hey, Deku! Looking for a song?”
“Oh, not now, no. Sorry, you go ahead. You just got here, right? I saw the door open earlier but didn’t see exactly who in this crowd!”
“Yeah, that was me and my roommate!” Ochako giggled lightly, about to take the book but hesitating. “But, are you sure you don’t want to pick something first yourself though? I’m not in a rush or anything.”
“It’s fine, really! I’ve already sung twice, so I’m just grabbing this for—Kacchan, geez!”
The omega boy jolted, two hands from behind suddenly plopping down onto his shoulders, pulling him aside, and spinning him around.
“Alright, thanks for nothing, Izuku,” Bakugo complained warmly, a hint of a smirk on his face as he ruffled Izuku’s hair. The omega batted his hands away, practically beaming back.
“Oh, shut up! I was just letting Uraraka pick first.”
With that, all traces of amusement left Bakugo’s face. As Bakugo’s eyes turned to her, Ochako froze up momentarily, before steeling herself. His words from the sports festival rang through her head.
“I’ll fucking kill you if you hold back on me, Round Face!”
“Well, it’s actually my turn right now, so she can hold her damn horses,” he replied, sounding just a step short of growling the words at her.
Her eyes quickly flickered from the tooth necklace hanging from his throat, up to his stern face. That same sour prickle twisted in her chest again then, igniting something fierce in her.
They locked eyes then, matching in intensity.
Before she could say anything in her own defense, Izuku gripped the alpha boy’s sleeve, insisting.
“Come on, Kacchan, she just got here and hasn’t sung anything yet! Let her pick one first.”
She flushed red, biting back the splash of ire, of humiliation she felt to hear those words come out of his mouth. Had their roles been reversed, of course she would have absolutely done the same thing for him. He was just trying to be a good friend.
So she felt entirely unreasonable, to want him to just fucking quit saying that, and yet—
“Izuku,” Bakugo spoke lowly, never taking his eyes off the beta girl, “how about you stop speaking for her and let her speak for herself, hah?”
Somehow, those words hit her like a pin at the center of a dartboard. Something flickered to life within her chest, like sparks flying off a rotating saw on scrap metal, or like the last ten seconds of a final lap in a race.
Ochako looked him dead in the eye.
“You know what? I do want to pick first, actually.”
Bakugo smirked, “You willing to fight me for it?”
“Kacchan!” Izuku scolded, yanking at his sleeve.
Before Bakugo could turn to argue with him, Ochako yanked the side table up between herself and the alpha boy.
“Deku,” She asserted, letting her good elbow fall with a thump against the table, “I’m sorry, but please stay out of this.”
Bakugo grinned, shoving the songbook out of the way, “Now that’s what I like to hear!”
As she clasped the alpha boy’s hand, she tried not to look at Izuku. But despite her best efforts, she still caught a brief, but sharp glimpse of hurt on her friend’s face.
He quickly covered it up.
“Alright, well!” Izuku laughed awkwardly, words tumbling out in rapid fire, “I’m sorry too, Uraraka! Actually, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve really gotta use the restroom, so I’ll be right back.”
With that, he turned his back, retreating out the door.
“Hey, what’s going on over here?” Kirishima returned with an empty cup to the soda machine, eyes lighting up once he saw their arms. “Ooh, an arm-wrestling match! Hang on, you guys should do this on the main table—”
“No! I wanna settle this right here,” Ochako insisted, squeezing Bakugo’s hand. With a growl at the back of his throat, he squeezed back.
He barked a laugh, “You’ll need every advantage you can get! Really think you can beat me here now, and with your nondominant arm?”
“I certainly can’t beat you with my broken arm, that’s for sure!” she retorted.
“Whoa, whoa, guys, what’s this about?” Kaminari strolled up right next to Kirishima.
“Just their rematch, I guess,” Kirishima nudged him in the ribs, before crossing his arms in amusement. “So stand back and enjoy the show.”
“Oh, really?” Kaminari called out, “Hey, Sero, Ojiro, you guys come over here and see this!”
Soon, a small group began to form around them. But Ochako lost sight of everyone around her, focused solely on one selfish desire.
To prove that even a beta like her could still win against some jerk alpha.
Meanwhile, on the opposite end of the room, Himiko had met, smelled, and described five different people’s scents to them.
There were three tall alpha boys: Tenya Iida, fragrant like freshly cracked black peppercorn, Shoto Todoroki, with a deep scent like simmering milled grain, and Rikido Sato, who smelled very mildly like dark cocoa.
Then there were two omegas: Tooru Hagakure, practically bursting with a scent like Christmas potpourri, and Mezo Shoji, who emanated a vague fragrance of mulberry-soaked oak. It wasn’t her favorite, but it wasn’t appalling either: a full and sweet scent, similar yet opposite to her own roommate.
Her head began to spin. The pre-game shot was beginning to wear off, and meeting so many new people her age all at once quickly proved overwhelming.
“Hang on just a sec,” she patted Ashido on the shoulder, “I’ll be right back.”
“Oh, wait, but Uraraka’s apparently doing something over there with—can you see who that is?” Ashido squinted at the little crowd.
“Sorry, but I really gotta pee!”
Slipping away past Shoji, Himiko dashed for the door and into the nearest restroom stall as if her life depended on it.
As the stall door finally slammed shut behind her, she reached into her bra for the little mini-shot bottle she’d snagged on her last run with her old apartment friends. Unscrewing the cap with a swift twist, she downed all its contents as if they would disappear any second, heart racing.
Soon enough, the relief that came with knocking back the last drop unfolded warmly from the center of her gut, outward into the rest of her form. The tension eased, and her inner alpha was lulled into lax relief. Soon enough, her heart calmed, and she could breathe again.
Once she’d regained sufficient confidence in her stability, she made her way back out of the alpha restroom. At the exact same time, a boy left the omega’s restroom right next to her. Both doors closed behind them at the same time.
The slamming sound was lost in a haze of a blurry, overwhelming scent: like freshly brewed green tea, warm, comforting, deep and grassy, strangely familiar, and so powerful that one shot was definitely not enough to block it out.
She whirled, turning to the boy beside her, stumbling back slightly at the sight of gorgeous, curly hair and round, cheerful eyes.
“Sait…?” She trailed off, noticing freckles painted across this familiar stranger’s face.
“Oh! Sorry if I startled you,” He held both hands up, “I-I didn’t mean to slam the door behind me so hard!”
“I—n-no, it’s fine.” Taking another short breath, she sniffed slightly again, “Are you part of the party in that booth down the hall? I must have smelled you on the way in!”
He shook his head, “Oh! Yeah, actually. Are you a UA student too?”
“Mhm. Class 2-C. I got invited by my roommate from 2-A!”
“Right, sorry. I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Izuku Midoriya.”
“I’m Himiko Toga,” she responded in kind, heart warmed by his friendliness.
Then his eyes widened in realization.
“Ah! So you’re Uraraka’s roommate!” Izuku laughed a little, eyes quickly flickering down then up. “No wonder she couldn’t spend so much time in her room! I’d be intimidated too.”
Heart dropping, Toga frowned.
“Am I really that scary?”
“Ah! No, no, I didn’t mean it like that! It’s just—if I were a girl, I think I’d be a little intimidated rooming with someone as pretty as you!” As Toga’s heart tripped over itself on the way back up, he spluttered, “Oh geez, did that come out weird? Sorry if it did. I know I probably smell like my alpha and everything right now, so you know I didn’t mean anything by—”
“Huh? Wait, no, I couldn’t tell.”
Izuku stopped himself, “Couldn’t tell what?”
“That your alpha scented you.”
“Oh no, I’m sorry! So you’re a beta, like her too?”
“No, I’m an alpha,” Toga blinked, surprised. “You can’t tell?”
“Sorry, no,” he admitted sheepishly. “I’m an omega and all but, you see, I can’t smell pheromones. I’ve never been able to. But I guess that means you can’t either, huh?”
“No!” She retorted, “I can smell you just fine! You smell like matcha!”
“Huh? But… I shouldn’t smell that way to you,” Izuku said slowly. “Like I said. My alpha scented me, so. I should smell burnt to you.”
“Oh, really? Yeah, no,” Himiko finished blankly, dumbfounded. “You… don’t.”
A pause ensued. She stood there, staring into the omega’s forest-green eyes.
“Oh, whoa. Interesting,” he said very quietly. “That must make you like me.”
“Like… you?” she echoed just as quietly, face burning.
“I mean, I don’t think you can smell pheromones either, then! And I have a good idea of how I could test that!”
Her heart rate began to pick up, rattling in her ribcage.
She’d honestly never put much thought into it before. She already knew she smelled blood, and just blood. Her little omega friend from elementary wasn’t even old enough to have a detectable pheromone scent at the time, so it couldn’t have been anything else. But to think, there was someone who could figure out she couldn’t smell pheromones, and without her telling him?
Even better, to think, there was a way to prove she was telling the truth?
“Yeah? How?” Himiko urged.
“Um. W-well, I know we just met, so this is gonna be really awkward,” Izuku fiddled with his fingers, babbling quickly, nervously, “But! The thing about pheromones is, the smell lingers and everyone talks about how they can always smell my boyfriend on me, and how he smells like me, and my mate has said my smell clings to him for days after a scenting. But I can’t ever tell when his scent has worn off from me, so the same goes for anyone else who can’t smell pheromones either. So… if you’re okay with it, to test it, I could. Scent you.”
Toga’s brain screeched to a halt, as a visceral memory ripped its way to the surface.
"Bite me," he'd growled into her ear.
“But—you have a boyfriend!” she blurted out, shaking the thought from her head.
“Yes, I do,” Izuku reached out, taking one of her hands into both of his, “But it’s okay! I promise.”
The alpha took one glance down at their hands, before glancing back up at his bright-eyed little freckled face.
“Oh,” Himiko blinked, “you’re… trying to make him jealous by using me, aren’t you?”
Izuku sputtered, face ablaze as he let her hands go immediately.
“Wha—no, no, no, it’s not like that, I swear! I would never do that to my Kacchan! I just want to see if you can smell pheromones or not!”
Himiko hesitated, his scent slowly intensifying the longer they stood there together.
“And why do you care so much if I can or can’t?”
“Well, you might have a scent disorder like me, and I just want to see if it’s anything like mine! I… my scent disorder has… my anosmia was an indicator of something wrong with my health, but because I never stepped forward to get it checked out, I didn’t find out what was wrong until recently.”
“What do you mean?”
Izuku scrunched his face up, avoiding her eyes as tears pricked at the corners of his. His fists curled at his sides.
“I’m infertile. I might not ever be able to bear my own children.”
Instant regret for asking settled on Himiko’s shoulders.
“Oh.”
“Yeah. That’s why, I want to know. If… if you’re like me, maybe it might not be too late for you to get treatment, you know? Though it’s probably not the same scent disorder, but it could still mean that you’re… that something is… I mean, I know we just met, but I’d rather not let anything bad happen to you! So if my problems are worth anything towards helping you, then it’d be worth it, in my book. I just want to help, if I can.”
A beat of silence passed between them, and Himiko was struck by how, even though this omega boy was taller than her, how small he seemed under her observation.
“Your boyfriend would be okay with me scenting you? You’re sure?”
“Yeah, definitely. I’m sure he’ll understand! So… would you be okay with trying?”
"Bite me," he'd growled into her ear.
Himiko paused, taking another look into those earnest round eyes, taking another deep breath of that deep, grassy green tea smell. It was driving her one step short of insane, even with the whiskey in her system.
Rationally, she knew it wasn’t a good idea to just trust his intentions, but still. He seemed so nice, so honest. If he was really looking to make his alpha jealous by using her, he wouldn’t have said all that, wouldn’t have been open about having a mate in the first place. She wanted so badly to believe he wasn’t just lying, just toying with her heart.
"Bite me," he'd growled into her ear.
She bit back the thrill of excitement, of danger, of hope, and stepped forward, backing him up against the wall. Tilting her head aside to expose the underside of her jaw, she bared her scent gland to him.
“I want to try.”
Meanwhile, the back of Ochako’s hand slammed against the table.
Several yells of upset and victory all at once ripped past the lips of everyone around them. But the noise was lost in the defeat, which Ochako braved to face, daring to look Bakugo in the eye.
But shockingly, Bakugo did not smile in his victory, simply pulling his hand back without a word.
Briefly, he stared down at his palm, the line of his mouth softening as if relieved, before grabbing the song book off the table.
“Tch! Try harder next time,” he muttered, quietly enough that she wasn’t sure if he’d meant her to hear it.
As uneasy as Bakugo made her feel, she respected that at least he seemed to respect her strength, never thinking twice about her mating type. Still, that sure stung. Couldn’t he tell she already tried her best?
Blinking but a slight stinging at the corners of her eyes, she nodded in response and stepped back, to grab a drink from the machine.
Tsuyu and Ashido were immediately around her on either side, Iida in tow.
“Well, that was quite the show you put on back there, Uraraka!” Iida chimed in pleasantly, before his brows knit together a bit, “Though I must say, as your friend, I’m quite concerned about your arm. So I hope you’ll take it easy!”
“Hey, Iida. Don’t worry, I wasn’t wrestling with my bad arm and I don’t plan to until it feels less stiff, so I hope that reassures you.”
Iida smiled, adjusting his glasses, “It does. Thank you, that’s a relief to hear.”
“Aw, anyway, we’re here to make love, not war!” Ashido slung her arm over Ochako’s shoulder. “So what do you say, Uraraka? Did our dear class rep get your order yet or what?”
“You haven’t ordered anything to eat yet?” Iida gasped, horrified. “That won’t do! We must change this right away!”
So Uraraka put in her orders for a personal pizza sprinkled with bonito flakes, and a couple of other yummy treats at her friends’ insistence. It wasn’t all that long until she finally got her turn to pick a song and sing, and after that, she was starting to feel better about the whole situation.
But then she noticed.
“Hey, guys?” Ochako scanned the room, “Where’s Toga?”
Tsuyu replied, “Oh, she went to the bathroom a little while ago.”
“Huh, weird, you think she’d be back by now,” Ashido pointed out, Tsuyu nodding in agreement.
Tsuyu offered, “You want us to go check on her and make sure she’s okay?”
Pausing, Ochako set her empty cup down, and stood up.
“No, no, it’s fine. I should be the one, since I brought her here after all. Be right back.”
As soon as she was out the door and down the hall toward the restrooms, her night went back from better to horrible in an instant.
Because there was her roommate, pinning Izuku against a wall, one leg between his as she nuzzled her neck against his own. Izuku had his eyes closed and his lips tightly sealed, hands pressed against her shoulders, as if he was trying and failing to push her off. He seemed almost helpless, and she seemed so into it.
Oh, and that, that had Ochako seeing deep, scalding red.
Without a second thought, she bolted in between them, practically tearing Toga off of her dazed omega friend. Toga stumbled backward, back bumping against the opposite wall as Ochako cornered her.
“Deku is taken!” she cried out, both fists balled up tightly at her sides, “He has a boyfriend, and he’s clearly not interested, so back off!”
But Toga stared right past her, every word flying over her head, with eyes wide and mouth hanging open to reveal her alpha fangs. Instead of responding to Ochako, she desperately reached out towards the boy behind her.
“Izuku—”
Furious, Ochako grabbed her wrist and pinned it hard to the wall.
“No! Stop it!” She warned, teeth grit. “Don’t you dare!”
But Toga wasn’t listening, only growing more frantic, insistent.
“Oh, god,” Her voice came out rough and fast, a purely desperate snarl, “Ochako, please—!”
The beta growled back.
“Enough! Himiko Toga,” Ochako trembled with anger, voice rising as she spoke. “I wanted to be your friend. But if you tagged along just to force a quick rut on one of my friends behind my back, then you shouldn’t have come with me in the first place!”
As the meaning of the words finally seemed to trickle in, Ochako couldn’t bear to look her roommate in the eyes a second longer. But even without looking at her face, the soft helpless breath that escaped Toga’s chest then, as if she was about to cry, had her insides knotted up with all sorts of awful feelings. A sourness twisted in the pit of her chest once again.
She felt so stupid, almost falling for it again. “Don’t worry, it’s all under control” her ass. How could she trust Toga, after everything she’d done?
Without another word, Toga fiercely wrested her wrist away and ran in the opposite direction down the hall, towards the nearest exit from the building. Ochako watched in muddled angry shame and confusion, before Izuku had finally regained his senses.
“Crap! Toga, wait!”
Ochako turned to the sound of his voice, worry filling her heart.
“Deku, are you okay? Did she hurt you?”
“Oh god, shit,” he babbled, grabbing at his own hair, glancing between the hallway and his friend, “No, it wasn’t what it looked like! I asked for it, and I mean—oh no, oh god—”
“Deku!” Ochako grabbed hold of his shoulders, heart heavy at his kindness, even in the face of someone undeserving. “You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s alright. Did she hurt you?”
His mood changed fast. Red in the face, he blurted out at the top of his lungs.
“I said no! I’m not letting anyone hurt me, okay?! I was just trying to help her!” He nearly yelled, words tripping over themselves as they spilled from his mouth, “And I know you don’t like Kacchan, a-and I know you’re trying really hard to be okay with him, and I know he can be really mean sometimes, and I hate that too! And I know how it sounds, but Kacchan is a good mate to me! I love him, and-and I wish you’d believe me when I tell you that you have nothing to worry about!”
“Deku…”
He’d never talked to her like this before. It dawned on her then that he wasn’t his normal self because of the hormonal effects of scenting. But at the same time… there was a raw sincerity here, and she couldn’t just dismiss it.
“Uraraka, I completely understand if you’re having a hard time, so I’m trying my best not to make it harder. So please, don’t take it out on your roommate. She didn’t do anything wrong.”
“…I’m sorry, Deku. What happened then, with Toga just now?”
“I was just trying to help her test something out, honest to goodness.”
“Test something out…?”
Izuku nodded, “I don’t think she can smell pheromones either. The way she smells me is—it’s not typical. It’s off. And I was just trying to help her figure out how it was off by letting her scent me. If she doesn’t still detect my pheromones, then she’s definitely got some sort of scent disorder.”
In that moment of realization, Ochako felt as if reality itself had tipped backward.
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry.”
Izuku shook his head, “I’m fine. I’m not sure if Toga is though, so could you give her a call and make sure she’s okay? I still need to talk to her next time I can see her…”
“Yeah, definitely, I need to apologize and—crap! I still have her phone!” Ochako gasped, patting the side of her chest to find the absence of her bag strap along her shoulder. She’d left it in the party room. “I’ve gotta go grab that and find her right away. Tell everyone I’m sorry I couldn’t stick around longer. I’m sorry.”
“Uraraka—!”
The words were lost to the rush of adrenaline to her head, and everything blurred together as she sped back into the room, apologizing all the while as she grabbed her things and took off without further explanation. She passed Izuku on the way back out, losing sight of him, focused solely on one goal.
She ran. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her, traced her path back to the station where she and Toga had arrived. By the time she’d gotten there, she was out of breath.
But Toga was already stepping inside the train.
“Toga, wait!”
Desperate, Ochako cried out, arm outstretched.
But only a second after the door closed, the alpha turned, blankly meeting Ochako’s stare through the window, before the car briskly whisked her away from sight.
Notes:
Sorry to leave it on this note dfhgksdfh
Toga's perspective on what just happened coming up next!
-Reddie
Chapter 7: Fragile
Notes:
hi again, it sure has been a minute! lots of life happened. not even necessarily big stuff, just daily stuff hard to keep up with. i even got a mild concussion doing the most mundane thing possible and am unfortunately dealing with some after effects months after the fact that make it kinda hard to look at screens for long periods of time, so as you can imagine. this will unfortunately continue to update slow until it doesn't anymore.
i cannot promise will finish, but i aim to! and i hope this is still narratively consistent/coherent lol. i think the most time i've spent was rereading this chapter over several months on and off trying to check for that. but yeah, enjoy the ride in the meantime, and i appreciate everyone who's been reading, just know that~
-Reddie
Chapter Text
“You shouldn’t have come with me in the first place!”
Himiko took the train to the only conceivable place that made any sense: to her friends, her first real friends.
Mag opened the door, instantly giving way to Himiko to tackle her into a hug.
“Little sis! What happened?”
Himiko began to sob, burying her face in Mag’s chest, “Big sis!”
Without another word, the alpha woman ushered the girl into their apartment, letting her just sit on the floor in front of the coffee table.
Her stench was the elephant in the room, instantly. Right now, Tenko and Shuichi were the only other two people home. It had been abundantly clear to everyone that Toga had been scented, and assuming the worst may have happened, they all silently and simultaneously decided not to ask. If she wanted to tell them what happened, she would. It wasn’t their business unless she made it their business.
That was the way it was, for all of them.
Noticing her fangs were still out, Tenko wrinkled his nose and got up to get something from the kitchen.
“Hey, brat. Here.”
Tenko offered her a shot glass and some whiskey, which she drank gratefully in one go, letting it burn pleasantly on the way down.
“Thank you, Tenko…” Himiko stared down at her empty shot glass, trying to find words in the haze of the buzz hitting her blissfully over the head. “I…”
She trailed off, uncertain. Izuku’s scent was so vivid in her mind, earthy and powerfully inviting, but she could clearly feel its absence in the middle of the room. She thought of the soft, relieved sound the omega boy had made when she had pressed her scent gland to his own.
And now apart from him, she felt so cold.
“Tch. Don’t feel the need to explain yourself, nobody’s asking.”
“Hey now, be nicer,” Mag scolded. “He’s right though, sweetie. Just take your time. If you want to tell us, you can. But don’t feel like you have to, alright?”
“If you change your mind, feel free to talk to me.”
Overwhelmed, as a surge of tears rushed forth to surface from her, she poured herself another shot. Her friends, her real friends, let her.
They let her have as many shots as she needed, until she had to go throw up again. As she lingered over the toilet bowl, her brain swam with warm, brown eyes and a soft voice like bells.
“I’m here to support you now, okay?”
And once again given too much time to think about all this, she let her forehead fall against the rim and concluded that she was going to just give up.
Because she couldn’t take this anymore, meeting all these new, awful people, building up her stupid hopes and smashing them up, reminding her how broken she was and how much they would hate her no matter how hard she tried. Maybe she could just drop out of school and help out backstage at Atsuhiro’s magic shows, or wash dishes for Kurogiri. Then she could pay little bitty pieces of the rent, and just live in that apartment, share the couch with Jin if necessary. That wouldn’t be so bad.
She nodded slightly to herself. Yeah, screw dorming, she would go back to doing snack runs and getting wasted with people who weren’t so two-faced, people who didn’t give a shit about being polite because at least they were fucking honest.
That was what she wanted, and how it should’ve been. Screw what her parents wanted, screw what society wanted, and screw trying to start over anymore. Nothing would ever be enough for anyone from her.
She might as well live her life the way she wanted it, if that was how it was going to be.
Letting out a dry little sob-laugh and accepting her fate, Himiko rose from the toilet bowl and went to go sit next to Tenko on the couch. His face immediately curled into a grimace as he cringed away slightly, and she realized it probably had to do with the lingering smell of the scenting.
“I mean, I know we just met, but I’d rather not let anything bad happen to you! So if my problems are worth anything towards helping you, then it’d be worth it, in my book.”
Himiko closed her eyes. Now that she’d come down a little bit from the euphoric effects of the scenting, she was feeling a little steadier now, more able to think. She was quiet for a long moment, before she finally spoke up.
“Whatever you guys are thinking… I just wanna be clear that, nobody hurt me. What happened is I agreed to do a scenting.”
Tenko grunted, “Okay, and?”
Mag tsk’ed a little at him for his indelicacy, but Himiko softened slightly, at the way his shoulders seemed to sag slightly in relief at that. She continued.
“An omega boy… a really nice one, who has this disorder where he can’t smell pheromones… was helping me figure out if I could smell pheromones or not. So I took him up on his offer, to see if I could smell him after the scenting when we were apart.”
Tenko and Mag exchanged a look.
“Um, sweetie, I just want to be sure I heard you right?” Mag blinked. “You’re not sure you can smell pheromones? But I remember you saying my scent was comforting?”
Toga nodded, “Your scent is comforting. I wasn’t lying to you guys at all about being able to smell everyone but… I left something out.”
Tenko’s expression shift to something unreadable, but he didn’t seem upset, more… curious, perhaps?
“What?” He asked, point blank.
“I don’t think it’s pheromones I’m smelling. I think it’s blood.” She paused once the words came out, a little in disbelief of herself, as she repeated it, “I think I can smell… everyone’s blood, actually.”
She looked to Tenko, deeply uncertain of his reaction, but he quickly gave a half-exasperated sigh.
“Don’t look at me like that. You think I give a fuck?”
A swell of relief at that response sent another surge of tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Tenko!” Mag admonished, but Himiko waved her hand.
“No, no, sis, it’s fine. It’s… been screwing with me since I was little. And I’ve had trouble staying calm whenever someone smelled really good to me ever since, a-and suppressants don’t help, but, the first time I drank that shochu Tenko gave me, it…” She laughed, tears spilling further down her cheeks, “it finally stopped feeling overwhelming, and like I could control myself.”
Something unfolded across Tenko’s face, ever so slightly, and he glanced to Mag momentarily, his lips parted. At a loss for words, but asking for something. Mag caught the look and returned her eyes to Himiko.
“Oh, sweetie…” Mag began, but then Shuichi emerged from the doorway to the hall.
“Hey, uh, Mag, your phone wouldn’t stop going off, could you come take a look at this?”
“Um, I’m kind of in the middle of something right now, Shuichi.”
“Seems important, though!”
Mag gave a gentle huff, ruffling Himiko’s hair before getting up.
“Tenko. You can tell her yourself, if you don’t mind.”
“Tell me… what?” Himiko blinked and Tenko sighed. He stared after Mag a long time, before she and Shuichi left the room, and he was left only with Himiko at that point. It’s not that they didn’t already know about it. It was just a sore subject. Wasn’t something he wanted to explain over and over again.
He kept it short and sweet.
“Genetics gave me the shit end of the stick too,” He explained bluntly, pausing, and then continuing. “My pheromones are defective. I smell so horrible to most alphas that lots of doctors have refused to see me after I hit puberty. My dad even used to beat me ‘cause I smelled so fucking bad,” he shrugged, Himiko’s eyes widening in horror. But he continued, unruffled, “Then, I found out around your age drinking changes how I smell. But I don’t drink for other people’s comfort though.”
He spat the word “other”, and then stopped there. Himiko knew better than to press, so she didn’t.
“Thank you, for sharing with me.”
“Yeah, well, don’t make a fuss of it. I’m done talking about this.”
Meanwhile, as they were having that exchange, Mag was surprised to find Toga’s roommate texting her, treading cautiously as she communicated with the girl.
>>hi, this is ochako uraraka and im super sorry to text you like this
>>but im your little sister’s roommate and she ran off not long ago without her phone
>>is she with you by any chance?
Ah, yes, this was Himiko’s roommate. The one Mag definitely remembered being mentioned quite a bit whenever Himiko came over for game nights, but constantly missing from the dorm. Frankly, at the back of her head, Mag felt something slightly off about that situation, but well. Himiko had always seemed pretty fond whenever she spoke about her. And Ochako’s checking in texts had interrupted their games a couple of times enough to feel at ease about it.
So, she reasoned her way out of the distrust she felt towards Ochako, whittling it down to cautiousness.
<<Hi there, uraraka
<<What exactly makes you think i’m her older sister?
>>oh! she has you in her contacts as “Mag-nee”, so i just assumed
>>super sorry about that!!
>>but then you must be one of her friends from her old apartment then? is she there with you?
Mag was touched to find that Toga had tagged her as such in her contacts, a little swell of further protectiveness welling up in her.
Mag had been burned by her own share of past betrayals herself, outed by a trusted friend, spurned by a family that refused to accept the eldest alpha son they’d always wanted as their daughter instead. The scars of her past were why she got on so well with everyone else in their apartment.
But she refused to project those issues onto this poor young alpha girl, abandoned yet shackled much like she had once been, and searching so desperately for a place to belong.
And while Himiko could rest assured she’d always have a place and people here she could turn to, Mag felt that a teenage girl didn’t have to belong in an apartment full of drunk, adult NEETs as her sole stable source of solace. And Mag then determined, it was up to her to help expand Himiko’s world, to help her make her own world an easier place to live in.
>>yes, she’s here. so you know our address already, don’t you?
<<actually. i’m afraid not, i only know what city you guys are in…
And then Ochako clarified which city, which Mag confirmed. With Ochako having gained enough of her trust, Mag then went on.
>>before i give you the address. she’s already stayed with us overnight a couple of times already, and I know that you know this.
>>so does she really need to be back in the dorm tonight?
>>i don’t know how much she’s told you
>>but she seems to be in a bit of fragile state after what happened tonight, and I want her to be comfortable while she sorts her feelings out
There was a momentary pause, before Ochako replied,
<<i know what happened and i want her to be comfortable too.
<<but i do have her phone, so i’d like to at least return that
<<if she wants to stay there tonight
>>i’ll ask her what she prefers then
>>here’s the address…
And after Mag gave the address, she asked,
>>what time do you think you’ll be here?
<<In like 20 minutes, on my way
After Tenko had dropped the topic of his own genetic luck, he asked what she wanted to drink: more booze, or something with electrolytes to help keep her stomach down.
Himiko paused and said she was still thinking. And after a long moment’s quiet as he enjoyed his own game and his own drink, she had attempted to broach the topic of possibly seeing if they had any room for her here.
“Can I ask you for maybe… more than something to drink, actually?”
She wanted to ask if potentially, she could just disappear into their place. She thought, not many folks would think to look for her here, and if someone did, maybe they could cover for her. She just wanted to hide. She just wanted to figure things out for a bit, before maybe trying to call this place her permanent home.
But that was if they could accept that, and a swell of loneliness caught in her throat at the thought. Even her friends had their limits, and she’d have to respect that. Even if it meant that she’d ultimately have no one to truly fall back on.
And when Tenko squinted, and asked, “What are you getting at?”
That was when Mag returned and sat back down next to her, before carefully saying.
“Little sis… I just want you to know your roommate’s coming over to pick you up.” And when Himiko froze up, confusion in her eyes, Mag explained, “You left your phone with her, and she texted me trying to figure out where you went.”
“Oh…”
“She’ll be here in ten minutes or so. You don’t have to see her if you don’t want to.” And Himiko was about to agree she didn’t want to, until Mag added, “And she said, she’ll… understand if you want to sleep over here tonight.”
Curiosity poked at Himiko, at the way Mag said that.
“Is that… all she said?”
Did she say sorry?
“Ah… she understands that you might need some space after what happened tonight, and she said she wants you to be comfortable while you sort out your feelings,” Mag elaborated thoughtfully, unaware of what Ochako had said to drive her away. “And if you decide to stay here tonight instead of going back with her to your dorm, she wants to at least return your phone to you.”
Himiko thought a long moment, her brain still swimming. Ochako contacted Mag to find out where she was, and she could’ve just left it at that. They could’ve just gone back to their old arrangement of keeping their distance like before, being roommates on paper but not in practice.
The very thought made tears well up, which she closed her eyes against. She thought, after what Ochako had said, that was probably what she wanted now.
But instead, Ochako was coming here to bring her back? And giving Himiko the choice?
She felt stupid at the hope in her heart, at the thought that…
Maybe she wants to say sorry in person?
“Okay. When she comes over, I’m going to talk to her alone, and I’ll let you know how I feel about staying here. If you’ll have me.”
Mag smiled at her gently, “Whatever you need, little sis.”
When Ochako arrived at the door, Himiko answered with a detached expression and polite tone, giving a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. She eyed the nervousness on Ochako’s face with an inward pang of hope, but didn’t take the first word. She wanted to see what Ochako had to say for herself first.
Ochako immediately bowed her head.
“Toga, I’m so sorry for jumping to conclusions,” She began, what sounded like honest shame in her voice, unable to even look Himiko in the eye. “When Deku came to, he told me what actually happened, and I—I-I don’t blame you if you don’t… want to see me for a while. Or ever again, as much as we can help it. But…”
Ochako drifted off, seeming pensive as if clasping tight to whatever was waiting to come out of her mouth next. Himiko felt her heart in her own throat, and prompted firmly.
“But what?”
Ochako pulled out Himiko’s phone, and then chanced to look her in the eye then. Still nervous, and fearful, but now, Himiko was sensing it was different kind of fear. The kind Himiko has known her whole life.
“But first! I want to talk to you about it! I’m sorry, but we need to talk more after what Deku told me! So please, come back with me to the dorm before we miss our last train!”
There was a sudden slight flare in her scent and Himiko couldn’t help herself. When Ochako’s eyes didn’t leave hers, her heart grabbed hold of her throat.
“Fine,” she choked out, grabbing her phone. “I’ll go.”
After Himiko had gone back to give her friends a last goodbye (and grab a last drink for the road) for the night, she and Ochako barely made it back to their dorm before the final curfew when the gates shut.
Once inside, Himiko set her phone down, and Ochako closed the door behind them. They got ready for bed in silence, Ochako taking her sleep clothes with her to the bathroom to go change into them, giving Himiko space to do the same in their bedroom.
Emotionally exhausted (and also still slightly drunk in Himiko’s case), they both forgot themselves a second. Ochako forgot to knock first and Himiko didn’t think to warn her that she was still changing.
Ochako got a moment’s eyeful of Himiko’s bare breasts and reeled a second, before frantically slamming the door back shut.
“I-I-I-I’m super sorry!” she called out from the other side of the door.
Himiko blinked and then blushed when she realized belatedly what happened. But she was honestly still too tipsy to be fazed much. A soft pang of grief still filled her heart though, when she thought to herself that Ochako’s reaction was… cute…
“If you tagged along just to force a quick rut on one of my friends behind my back, then you shouldn’t have come with me in the first place!”
The warmth on Himiko’s cheeks curdled back down into something sour, remembering that. Even with the apology, she was still upset with Ochako, and more than reasonably wary.
Saying sorry was one thing, but what about showing it? Hadn’t Ochako reassured her not too long ago that she wouldn’t judge her, that she would be there to support her, before accusing her like that? Her word alone was certainly not enough.
Maybe she was kidding herself to think there was a chance Ochako was really sorry. Maybe all she would ever be was a monster in Ochako’s eyes.
Only time would tell if Ochako was just going to let her down again. And honestly? She didn’t have a lot of trust left to spare.
But yet… there was a weeping part of her heart, clinging so tightly, wanting to believe so badly that they could fix things. She hated the hope in her heart with every fiber of her being, and seeing no other choice at the moment, she resigned herself to it.
Tugging on her sleep shirt, she called out, “It’s okay to come in now.”
“Thanks. I’m sorry about that too.”
“It’s fine, I get it. You’re tired,” Himiko replied with a lopsided smile, settling into her bed. She started to lie down and pulled the thin covers over her, saying just a little harshly, “We both are. Let’s save the talking for tomorrow, ‘kay?”
There was silence between them for a long moment. Himiko had turned her back to the wall, expecting Ochako to agree and just get into her own bed.
Instead, she felt a warm blanket being draped over her body, turning to see Ochako by her bedside, taking a step back, uncertainty on her face. Her scent pulsed all around them, and Himiko felt hazy, covering her nose in the soft, new fabric. She hated how her heart softened at the sight of Ochako softening at her.
“Tomorrow then,” Ochako agreed, then asked so gently Himiko almost didn’t hear her, “Will you let me make it up to you?”
Himiko closed her eyes a second and gave a little laugh, resignation heavy on her breath as she made a realization out loud, despite the saccharine lilt to her words.
“I don’t really have a choice, do I? I’m stuck living here whether I like it or not.”
Ochako’s expression furrowed at her sadly, and Himiko turned away, pushing the blanket off of her. How dare she look at her like that, like she was something to be pitied. Maybe she shouldn’t have come back at all…
Ochako gently put the blanket back over her, and tenderly insisted, when Himiko turned back to her a little annoyed.
“I meant it when I said you won’t have to see me again after this if you don’t want to. We can figure it out, but first. We need to sleep, so I can give this conversation—give you—the proper care you deserve. Because you do deserve to be treated with care. Treated so much better than how I reacted back there.”
Warmth curled in Himiko’s gut. Ochako was so good at talking sweet when she wanted to…
"And now you're treating me like I'm in heat or something," Toga muttered, curling up under the blanket.
"Well… can't alphas be treated gently too?"
"Ha! Not if it's me, I guess."
"Toga… I…"
Ochako tried to search for words, but Himiko quietly turned her back again, a final time, to end the conversation there.
“Tomorrow,” she murmured sleepily, reassuring her.
“Tomorrow. I promise,” Ochako agreed.
With that, she finally heard Ochako return to her bed and turn the lights out. Drifting off, Himiko wondered if this would all be just a bad dream in the morning. She wanted to believe Ochako though.
She just… wasn’t sure how to feel right now.
Chapter Text
They didn’t get the chance to talk that morning.
Before their single Saturday study hall class, the fire alarm went off as part of a surprise fire drill. Ochako and Himiko woke up to the sound in a hurry, and ended up having to split up without much aside from a brief “good morning(?)” and report to their separate class stations on the baseball field.
Ochako found her way to her station without interference, but Himiko was not as lucky.
“Hey, Crazy Hair! I’ve got a bone to pick with you!”
A livid, vaguely familiar-smelling alpha accused, getting in front of her in the hall. She gave him a tired, funny look and tried to side step him.
Refusing to be ignored, he grabbed her by the tie and pinned her to the nearest wall.
Grabbing him by his collar as well, she snarled, “What the fuck is your problem, asshole!”
“I could fucking ask you that! What do you think gives you the right to scent my boyfriend?”
Oh, shit. Himiko felt her throat drop into her stomach. But in the heat of the moment, she doubled back with natural aggression.
“He let me, ‘Kacchan’!” She spat, and shoved him off of her, “Now leave me alone!”
A prickle of self-consciousness started to arise, as she realized pretty much every omega in their radius could probably still smell that she’d scented Izuku. As she tried to rush past him to get away from everyone, Bakugo grabbed her by the arm and pinned her down to the floor this time, on her stomach.
Other students who were formerly politely pretending to ignore them on their way to their stations started murmuring around them, some stopping or slowing down to watch the conflict. Himiko flushed in shame at becoming a spectacle, feeling judgment under their eyes and hearing disgust in their hushed voices.
Leaning down into her space to personally threaten her, Bakugo growled.
“Fuck you. You think you can just get away with talking to me like that after what you did?” Then added, angry but also sounding wounded, “He broke up with me! So you better at least give me a goddamn reason why!”
Feeling something in her chest shrivel up and die at the reveal of Izuku’s betrayal, she bit back,
“None of your business, now get off me! People are staring!”
She tried to remind herself, despite these stupid judging strangers, none of this was her fault. All she did was try to trust someone seemingly being nice and of fucking course, that just had to backfire again, didn’t it?
“Don’t give me that! What, were you trying to stir up shit on Round Face’s behalf or something? Is your fucking roommate that sore of a loser that he picked me instead of her?”
Seeing red, Himiko elbowed Bakugo across the jaw, dislodging his hold and freeing herself.
They were quickly both on their feet again, Bakugo holding his mouth, as she screamed at him.
“If anyone’s stirring up shit, it’s you! Don’t you dare talk about her like that again, and leave us both alone!”
So caught up in her fury, not just with Bakugo but also his awful, two-faced omega boyfriend, she was too late to dodge a fist to the face. He clocked her square in the eye, Himiko only registering the pain a split second afterward.
Before things could escalate, two teachers began heading their way, some tattle-tales in tow pointing at them. While she clutched her sore eye, she watched as Bakugo tsk’ed, noticing his lip was bleeding before fleeing the scene with a final nonverbal “fuck you”.
Glancing between the teachers and the other end of the hall, she followed suit and hurried to her station.
As the principal talked through the drill to congratulate the kids for assembling in a timely fashion, Himiko tried not to think about what just happened, before her teacher soon sent her to the infirmary for her injury with a warning.
Thankfully, her vision seemed fine after an initial checkup, and after she was given instructions to care for her injury and told to come back in a couple of weeks if it didn’t improve, she was dismissed back to her class.
The nurse made a slight pitying comment wondering how anyone could treat such a sweet-looking girl in such a way, which left mixed feelings in her chest. It ruffled her ego as an alpha, because yeah, she absolutely didn’t want to be pitied or looked down on. But at the same time… being regarded with just a bit of vulnerability in such a kind way, was… refreshing.
“Can't alphas be treated gently too?”
Ochako’s gentle voice, and the warmth of a blanket insistently layered over her, fluttered through her mind. She felt a lump in her throat, still processing it all.
After class ended, she was left to wonder on the way to the cafeteria to grab lunch.
“Is your fucking roommate that sore of a loser that he picked me instead of her?”
It would’ve been one thing for this Kacchan to be angry with just Himiko for scenting his boyfriend, but going so far as to blame it all on Ochako instead? That was a whole other convoluted level of jealousy. Except… Ochako did get pretty worked up last night just seeing her scenting Izuku, so…
Did Ochako like Izuku too?
It was a thought that settled strangely inside her. Himiko recognized him as one of the friends Ochako used to run away to, to sleep in his room, plus she called him by that special nickname... so thinking she must’ve liked Izuku was…
Himiko caught herself and put the thought on a shelf. Things were tense right now because Ochako had rushed in and hurt her with assumptions and judgment. So Himiko didn’t want to rush in with assumptions and judgment either.
When they met up again later, Himiko could just ask. If Ochako really wanted to make things right with her, the least she owed Himiko was an explanation too, especially after this. She did just get punched over that sketchy, sweet-faced omega, after all.
Meanwhile, Ochako at her station on the field had found Izuku fretting nearby Todoroki. Conspicuously, Bakugo was nowhere in sight. She overheard him asking something about him, to which Todoroki shook his head.
She got pulled into conversation with Tsuyu and Ashido for the rest of the drill, apologizing for leaving in a hurry last night and explaining what happened. And when the drill was over, there was still no sign of Bakugo.
But Kirishima, Bakugo’s roommate, had shown up at the last second, seeming a bit out of breath, as he explained to their homeroom teacher that Bakugo “wasn’t feeling well”.
Ochako’s gaze couldn’t help but flicker to Izuku then, who had also been paying attention to that exchange, and who then seemed to deflate hearing what Kirishima had to say.
Their class dragged on normally in silence, before it was over and folks were lingering in the classroom after the teacher left, hanging out and asking each other for help with homework. Concerned, Ochako immediately made her way over to Izuku, who was now in the middle of a conversation with Kirishima, Kaminari, and Sero.
“…smelled some alpha and absolutely just lost it,” Kirishima explained. “I got stuck in the crowd and I totally lost track of him. Sorry I don’t know more.”
“Please don’t be.” Izuku sighed, shaking his head, “I’m really sorry about all of this, Kirishima.”
“What? Dude, no need to be sorry. He’s the one who lost his shit, so how is any of this your—”
“Kacchan and I had a fight last night.” Izuku explained, and Ochako stopped breathing for just a second, having heard that. “So that’s part of why he’s… upset right now, I’m sure.”
“Oh, boy. Does it have anything to do with the fact that I heard you were reeking of another alpha after karaoke? What was up with that?” Kaminari asked, touching an elephant in the room that could still be smelled by all the alphas in the class, Kirishima included. Kirishima froze up and sent a bit of a shocked look back at him.
And at the guilty, pensive look that immediately crossed Izuku’s face, Sero elbowed Kaminari.
“Hey, come on, man, let’s not pry.” And Sero apologized to Izuku, “Sorry to bother you.”
Izuku shook his head, and smiled simply.
“No worries. I promise it will make more sense soon.”
“If you say so,” Kirishima put a hand on his shoulder. “Look, we know you can hold your own, but you don’t have to. So, if someone’s bothering you for real though, just let us know, okay?”
“I will. Thank you.”
As Sero and Kirishima dragged Kaminari out to scold him about bringing up something that was definitely way too personal to talk about in the classroom, Ochako spoke up to Izuku then.
“Is everything... okay with you and Bakugo?”
Izuku laughed nervously, “Could definitely be better...”
He didn't elaborate, fidgeting with his fingers and fixing shame-filled eyes on the movement.
“If he’s angry at you for something Toga also agreed to do, that’s really not fair…” She couldn’t help but say, though her voice was careful about it. “All you were doing was trying to help her. He knows that, right?”
“Yeah, I told him. But even then, I can’t exactly blame him for being upset either… I’m his mate after all, so I should have communicated my intentions better, before going and doing that…” He sighed, but remained resolute, “But ultimately, I don’t regret what I did. To be honest, I’m frustrated with his reaction about it too right now. But I hope after we’ve both had a chance to cool down and breathe, we can still talk things through after we sort this out with Toga.”
“I hope so too…” Ochako nodded, now in her own head about how she treated Toga, still feeling guilty. They still had to have their talk. But thinking a little more, seeing Izuku right in front of her, she couldn’t help but try to ask, “Before that, about last night… do we need to talk? I… really am sorry I made you feel like… I wasn’t taking you seriously.”
She clearly recalled what Izuku had said in the heat of the moment after she’d driven off Toga. In the here and now though, he flushed embarrassed and vehemently refused.
“Ah—n-no, Uraraka, please don’t worry about any of it! If anything, I’m sorry for snapping at you like that. I mean, I wasn’t quite myself, but still! I think what I said was way out of line, so please just forget about it!” But before Ochako could say anything back to that, Izuku couldn’t help himself from asking, shifting the subject. “By the way, how is Toga now? Is she alright?”
“Oh! Well, not exactly.” Ochako could barely look him in the eyes as she admitted that, heart feeling heavy. “I got her to come back to campus with me, but I really hurt her feelings, and we got back to the dorm too late to really talk things through properly…”
“I see. I’m sorry to cause you guys trouble too. And just when you were starting to get along...”
“No, that was my fault for reacting the way I did. But I’m going to talk to her more soon,” Ochako had to remind herself. “I’m honestly worried about her too. Ashido and Tsuyu were also saying it’s weird that she can smell me, and that she might be seriously sick.”
Izuku’s eyes widened, mouth parting in a silent gasp.
“Whoa, wait, she can smell you? Then that really settles it! She definitely can’t sense pheromones, like us!” He seemed a bit excited to say at first, before the gravity of the situation crossed his features. “But slightly different. Because she’s sensing something. She said I smelled like matcha and no one’s ever told me that before...”
“I know the answer, but I don’t think you’d like it.” Toga sat up briefly to flick off the lights, before turning her back once again. “So, let’s just leave it at that.”
“I don’t know what it is. She seemed hesitant to say last time I tried to ask her…”
Ochako's chances of finding out may have been shot too, since now Toga would likely be wary to trust her with personal things. But she still had to try to find out. Toga’s health was at stake!
“Well, you said you were going to talk more to her soon, so let me know what you learn. And if she could come over sometime, so we can talk more about it! I want to help her find treatment if she needs it.”
“I’m sure she’ll appreciate that.” Ochako nodded, now resolute. “I’m going to go find her so we can talk then. See you around, Deku! I’ll keep you posted!”
“See you and good luck, Uraraka!”
They didn’t reunite immediately, unfortunately.
Before Ochako could get back, Himiko had briefly stopped by the dorm to change out of her uniform before leaving the campus in search of a quick fix of liquor. The day had been overwhelming and after the mistake of eating in the cafeteria, she was reaching her limit. Plus, knowing she was going to have to sit there alone with Ochako and listen to that lovely voice trying to be kind and penitent, all while she still smelled so irresistibly sweet…
Oh yeah, she’d definitely need to drink for this.
After a few hours, Himiko found a vending machine outside a convenience store and was able to buy a couple more bottles of shochu. From the convenience store itself, she also snagged an ice pack for her eye, and snacks while she was at it too, for both herself and Ochako. Her heart ached, as she tucked away each chewy thing that she knew Ochako would like.
She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do anymore, if she even still wanted to see Ochako after this, no matter what she had to say. But her heart couldn’t help it’s clinging, as stupid as it made her feel. She just had to wait and see.
Eventually, she drank in a public bathroom stall, had dinner in the form of a few rice balls, and soon returned to her dorm to find Ochako in pajamas reading homework in her bed. The way she immediately brightened at the sight of Himiko made her heart twist.
“Toga, hi!” She welcomed warmly, putting down her book. “Are you ready to—oh my god! What happened?”
Himiko didn’t have to get much closer before Ochako was hopping out of bed to her side, fretting over her eye. Himiko couldn’t help but laugh a little, putting down the bag of snacks.
“Got this from ‘Kacchan’, the boyfriend Izuku told me not to worry about,” she rolled her eyes. Meeting the worry in Ochako’s eyes, she couldn’t help but soften, as she sighed, “He mentioned you minutes before he gave it, so I’m more than ready to talk now.”
“Of course, I’ll answer anything! But let’s get you comfy and get that iced first, okay?”
Her hand settled gently on Himiko’s shoulder. And at that, with the way Ochako’s sweet scent enveloped Himiko like an embrace, she couldn’t help but soften.
“I… okay. Lemme just go change, first.”
She withdrew from the soft touch and went to go put her own pajamas on in the bathroom, returning to find Ochako stacking pillows on her bed. Before she went scurrying out to get a crappy rock-hard ice pack from the dorm kitchen, Himiko stopped her and told her about her new ice pack, and let her put it inside a clean pajama shirt over her eye. This one was a lot squishier and more comfortable against her injury.
Once the ice was in place and they ran a little timer, Ochako sat next to her on her bed, and began to explain.
“They were saying in class Bakugo ran off before the fire drill because he smelled an alpha. I didn’t think it was you...”
“That’s what people actually call him, huh?” Himiko gave a little scoffing chuckle. “On one hand, I can’t say this Bakugo is my favorite…”
“I can’t say so either…” Ochako frowned, a little angry at him too now, seeing what he did to her. But she was humbled reminding herself that she wasn’t much better with how she treated Himiko either.
“But on the other hand, if Izuku is really as much of a sweetheart as he was to me last night, I almost don’t blame his mate for going berserk…”
A long pause, before Ochako accidentally murmured aloud a question crossing her mind then.
“Do… you like Deku?”
“…I thought you said you’d answer anything first.” Himiko pouted, and Ochako blushed.
Himiko closed her eyes to the swell of her scent around them, practically melting into her bed next to Ochako. The booze only barely helped, and she was so glad Ochako was keeping her hands to herself right now at least, or else she felt like she might implode.
“Y-You’re right, sorry. Ask me anything, where do you want to start?”
“Okay, so. When Bakugo attacked me on the way to the fire drill, he accused me of stirring something up on your behalf. So now I have to wonder…” Himiko opened her uncovered eye and met Ochako’s gaze then, reflecting the question back at her. “Do you like Izuku?”
Ochako couldn’t keep her gaze, as she slowly admitted, looking at her lap in embarrassment.
“Yes. I had… feelings for him.”
“‘Had’ as in past tense?” And when Ochako hesitated again, Himiko wrinkled her nose on a slight chuckle. “Or do you still like him?”
“…I don’t want to.”
“But you do.” Himiko nodded, feeling both a little sad and slightly amused inside to hear it confirmed out loud. “It’s okay, I really don’t blame you. Yeah, he had me going there for a second too. Guess at least we have the same type, huh?”
Ochako’s voice became a little firmer, as she replied, “It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s already with Bakugo.”
“Actually. Not right now he’s not.”
Her eyes snapped back up to Himiko’s face.
“Huh?”
“When we were fighting, Bakugo told me they broke up.”
“What? Deku didn’t tell me that…”
“Apparently, he didn’t tell his boyfriend much either. Oop!” Himiko corrected herself, “Ex-boyfriend? Hard to say.”
Ochako wasn’t sure how to feel about that, but decided it wasn’t her right to pry, especially after last night. Even if Izuku tried to downplay his own feelings about it, it was clear to Ochako there was still something in those words she couldn't ignore. Whatever happened, she decided to trust Izuku and Bakugo would sort things out together. One way or another, they always did eventually.
“It's probably a misunderstanding. I doubt Deku actually broke up with him...”
She detested how her own heart jumped a bit at the thought of "what if they did split though?", and pushed the feeling aside, for Himiko's sake.
However, Himiko seemed a little intrigued, curiosity lining her voice.
“I take it Bakugo was like your love rival or something? He hit like a truck and asked if you were a sore loser, so I gotta wonder what his damage was.”
“Honestly? The worst I've ever done to Bakugo was compete with him at the sports festival—totally unrelated to Deku—and he beat me at that! And it's not like I was ever actively trying to go out of my way to make him jealous either. Like, Deku is already dating you, what more do you want?”
Ochako crossed her arms with a huff, and Himiko couldn't help but be endeared to it and feel a little heartbreak for her all the same.
“Aw, hey. Sorry if it's a sore subject. I think that's it for me anyway, at least for now, so.”
“It's... please don't worry about it, it's the least I can do to shed some light on things for you, after what I acted like last night.” A pause, and then her voice shifted to something shy, meandering. “I know, Deku told me it was to help you test if you could smell pheromones, but… if it’s okay for me to ask, how did you two end up… scenting each other?”
Himiko suppressed a giggle, at how she said that as if they’d been caught screwing in public. Scenting was intimate, sure, but not that scandalous.
“Met him outside the bathroom and we had a whole thing where I said I couldn’t tell he had been scented by his boyfriend. And then he launched into this big explanation about his health problems and said he wanted to help me, using scenting. I was hesitant, but he said his boyfriend would be fine with it. I wouldn’t have agreed to it in the first place if he hadn’t said it was okay,” She huffed, a sense of betrayal slightly renewed. “So… there you have it. I hope your friend is happy now.”
Ochako shook her head.
“I’m sorry, I know you must not feel too good about him either right now, but I think Deku really means to help you and make it up to you too, if you’ll let him. I am so sure he didn’t want this to happen either! He was worried about you and asking if you were okay, no thanks to me.” Her voice dropped a little bit, “I'm still… really sorry for being so rough with you.”
Initially, Himiko rolled her eyes just a little at Ochako still jumping to his defense, wondering how much of it was colored by her crush on him. But any care about that quickly melted away, at how Ochako looked so small then, and sounded so sincere.
“Well, you’re the one now who has me all comfy and iced up for my black eye,” Himiko relented, feeling quite stupid as she sank into the pillows with a little blush. “So. That’s a start, I guess.”
“It’s only the start,” Ochako reassured, seeming a little determined, as she at last placed a gentle hand on Himiko’s arm. Himiko bit back a whimper at the touch, which had Ochako withdrawing, a bit flustered by the sound. She scooted backwards, finally realizing herself. “Oh no, that’s right, I must smell—I’m so sorry, Toga!”
“It’s okay,” Himiko managed to say, hating how weak her voice came out, and she cleared her throat. “I mean, I don’t know if I’m forgiving everything yet, but… I appreciate it. So. You don’t have to leave the bed yet. I’ll be okay.”
“Are you sure? After everything, I do want you to be comfortable…”
Ochako held half her gaze then, and Himiko swallowed, asking for the opposite of what her inner alpha wanted.
“I’ll be fine, just… please don’t touch me again.”
Ochako nodded and complied, and after a brief moment, the timer went off, and Himiko removed the ice. Ochako immediately stood up and insisted on going to stick it in their communal freezer, but Himiko said she would do it herself in a bit.
Before she started to get up though, Ochako asked softly.
“Wait a second? Can I ask something first? I think it’s important.”
“Sure.”
“Can you… still smell Deku on you now?”
“Nope,” she answered easily. “Not a whiff.”
“But, you said you already knew you didn't sense pheromones, right?”
“…Right, yes.”
Ochako paused a moment, contemplating how to ask what she wanted to ask next.
“How long have you known it wasn't pheromones? Like… since Saitou, or—?” Himiko made a face immediately when she mentioned the name, and Ochako began to backtrack, “Sorry, was that too personal? I didn’t mean to—I just—I want to…”
“No, it’s okay. And yeah, I did know, back then. For a lot longer, even before that. And that’s… why I agreed to try with Izuku, actually. Because no one in court believed me, and if there was a way to really prove I wasn’t lying about the scents I do sense, then I… I don’t know.” Himiko found herself admitting, “I know it wouldn’t change anything. But still, it was so… weird, y’know?”
“Weird how?”
“The universe brings me an omega boy who looks like my first love, and then said boy tells me to scent him because we’re so alike, apparently. Sort of felt like a second chance. Prove I wasn’t a monster.”
Ochako felt those words penetrate into her very soul with a revived stab of guilt, for ever thinking for even one second that Himiko was carelessly trying to hurt Izuku.
“I'm... so sorry, Toga...”
And with the tired, sort of disbelieving smile Himiko cast her through the one open eye, then and there, Ochako understood saying it wasn't enough. She had to really show Himiko, how much she meant it, and how much she actually cared.
“Well, okay, geez. You don’t need to repeat it so much,” Himiko gave a little, slightly skeptical scoff, though there was a tenderness to it. “Was there anything else you wanted ask?”
A moment's thought, and carefully, Ochako tried to broach.
“I want to know this, because I'm worried, about what it means for your health. So, if you could tell me… what exactly was it then, that caused you to… lose control?”
“I…” Himiko hesitated, feeling trapped beneath the tenderness and concern in that brown gaze. Scared that the answer would destroy everything then and there, and leave her completely alone and abandoned in this room again. “I, um…”
Just then, Ochako’s reminder alarm to do her hand stretches went off.
“Shoot! It's already that time?” Ochako blinked, scrambling slightly to turn off her alarm.
“I guess so! Oh, boy! It’s getting real late, isn’t it? I think we should call it a night!”
“It’s a weekend now, so I could stay up,” Ochako offered. But Himiko got up and took the ice pack and one bag of snacks with her.
“Sorry, roomie, but I’m suuuuper sleepy,” she gave an exaggerated yawn. “And I should probably focus on helping this black eye heal. We can pick this up another time, ‘kay?”
“You promise?”
“Absolutely. Now, come on, do your hand stretches! I know I’m not the only one still healing.”
With that, she left the room. And now alone, Ochako quietly did her hand stretches in silence, pensive before the light was out, and they both soon enough went to sleep in their separate beds.
Or at least, Ochako tried to sleep, thoughts swirling around in her head like universes slowly being sucked into a black hole. The recurring thought of what if Izuku had really broken up with Bakugo was a surprisingly fleeting one, overshadowed by the secondhand grief she felt for Himiko's own heartache, in the wake of a first love gone horribly wrong.
Feeling selfish, she fell asleep curled around her sheets, thinking of just hugging Himiko like that for a very long time.
Notes:
i know others don't like it, but i personally actually invite you to point out any typos/grammar errors you found lol.
don't expect the next chapter soon, but peas and love, hope you enjoyed anyhow!
-Reddie
Chapter 9: Taking Care
Notes:
Hi guys, sorry, this one’s gonna be brutal! Please read updated tags for good measure if you need the warnings (especially if you relate heavily to Himiko and have debilitatingly low self-esteem). Just know I don’t believe any of the things poor Himiko starts thinking about herself towards the end of the chapter ;w;
We are at just one peak in a rollercoaster, hope you enjoy the drop!
-Reddie
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
“Toga… do you know if we have a thermometer?”
It wasn’t fair. It really, really, wasn’t fair at all. Neither of them got to keep their promises just yet.
First thing that morning, Ochako’s hoarse voice uttered that question aloud, looking at Himiko from her bed with such sadness in her eyes.
Himiko got dressed and went straight to the infirmary to bring one back. It didn’t take long for them to find out Ochako had a fever.
“38°C,” Himiko confirmed out loud, sounding neither amused nor annoyed, expression unreadable under the simple black cloth mask she wore. “Huh. I’m surprised it’s not me with the fever, after all my fluttering around everywhere for the past couple of days.”
Ochako couldn’t help herself as she groaned, covering her own face with her blanket.
“Sorry to make you fuss over me… not sure who I might’ve even caught it from…”
“Well, it’s that time of year, so could’ve been from anyone, really. Those hallways got super crowded during the fire drill.” Himiko shrugged, and went on, “Anyway, just forget about that. How are you feeling now? Does anything hurt?”
“My head, and my… whole body, ugh.”
“Is your throat okay?”
“Uh… it’s fine, actually, doesn’t hurt…”
Himiko nodded and discarded the thermometer.
“Good, so that means you can eat normally. I’ll make you something.”
Ochako tried to get up, reaching for her despite how her muscles ached with the movement, gripping at her sleeve.
“No, Toga, I—this is so—”
This felt so wrong… having to lie back and be taken care of by the girl she carelessly hurt, and had yet to start making things right with…
“Please just. Right now, let me do this for you.”
And hearing a bit of that wounded pride in her tone, measured and insistent, Ochako relented with a soft grunt and let her go. She could recognize alpha posturing when she saw it, especially here. And despite how bad it felt, it perhaps was crueler to deny Himiko her pride at such a vulnerable time...
Himiko wasn’t gone long. She came back with some water and a steaming bowl and left it on the bedside table for Ochako, who began struggling to sit up. Himiko offered support, which Ochako ended up having to take.
“Thank you, Toga…”
She watched Himiko’s eyes light up so cutely in a way Ochako didn’t think she would ever be able to tell her to her face, and there was a cheerfulness to Himiko’s tone, whimsical and friendly.
“Don’t worry about it. This is something my friend Jin made for me when I wasn’t feeling so hot myself.”
And she carefully handed her the bowl. It seemed to be a big rice ball sitting in microwaved green tea, with the teabag still stewing in there. Ochako couldn’t help but giggle when she realized.
“Ochazuke?”
“Yep! Or it’s like, a speedy version, at least.” She delicately took the spoon and pressed it against the rice gently. “I like to really mash it up and mix it thoroughly, but you should have it however you like.”
She passed the spoon back to her with a careful touch, Himiko’s fingertips briefly brushing over the back of her palm. It was barely a tickle, but fleetingly warm, from holding the bowl.
“It smells really nice,” Ochako hummed, noting with a pang when she realized it was made with the fancy hojicha tea she gifted her the first time, “Thank you…”
She hummed and withdrew.
“Enjoy it. I’m going to go find some of that pain reliever-fever medicine for you, okay?”
“Mm, okay, thank you so much…”
After a bit, she returned and gave Ochako the tablet bottle to take from at her leisure, before leaving to "go do her own thing", not really specifying exactly what. Ochako weakly wished her a good and safe time, before taking her medicine once Himiko was gone, and finishing the rest of the ochazuke, mashing and mixing like recommended.
A thought bloomed in her achy head meanwhile, about how lucky anyone would be to have a mate as doting as Himiko. And it wouldn’t leave her alone, this thought expanding into other thoughts of Himiko, the sound of her giggles, the cute, almost doe-like expression she’d have when she was taken off her guard, the feeling of her body trembling in Ochako’s arms that fateful night she’d been caught in the beta’s bed.
How Ochako burned to hold her again, until the crying died down into soft sleeping breath, and the alpha’s heart was at peace again.
It wouldn’t be that easy anymore, thanks to her careless reaction and wrong assumptions. All because of having this stupid crush.
Briefly remembering the helpless, almost-crying sound Himiko made when she pinned her wrist to the wall as hard as she did, an awful feeling twisted in Ochako’s chest again.
She decided to push this feeling aside, and focus on getting better, so she could give priority to what mattered the most. Figuring out what Himiko’s condition was, and protecting her well-being, took priority.
Ochako’s heart felt heavy, but full, as she lay back down to rest for a bit.
Yes, Himiko already got booze the other day. But it was only a couple of bottles and a rare opportunity was a rare opportunity!
With Ochako bedridden for at least today if not the rest of the weekend, she decided, now was a good chance to restock even more, to avoid another dry spell for as long as she could help it. So, out of uniform, she took a train out to an area around her old apartment, and gathered a supply from a few vending machines she was already familiar with. She managed to discreetly collect and fit two bottles and ten little cans in her school bag, and she could make them last the rest of the month.
And anyway, if that didn’t work, she always had her friends to fall back on for extra liquor at least. Tenko had always been generous to share his booze, and now she knew why. Because he really understood her.
As Himiko returned to the dorms, she then ran into Izuku near the entrance, who seemed to be on his way out. He was very quick and eager to call out her name and run up to her when he saw her.
“Hey, Toga!”
A part of her viscerally screamed inside to run away, panicked by the intrusive thought of Bakugo somehow finding them and showing up again. The other part immediately berated herself for thinking so pathetically. What kind of alpha runs away from an omega who just wants to talk?
She gripped her bag tightly and plastered on a smile, keeping a distance.
“Hi, Izuku…”
“Oh, thank goodness, I saw you today! I wasn’t sure how else I would’ve gotten ahold of you otherwise, considering what Uraraka said!”
This gave Himiko pause, and she eyed him warily with a hum.
“Mm? What’d she say to you?”
Her smile remained unwavering despite the uneasiness coiling loosely in her guts.
“Oh, uh, she put it like—she's hoping to talk more to you, but she's not sure how much you want to talk to her?” Izuku kept glancing at her face and away from it back and forth, looking like he had something at the tip of his tongue, but still rattling on, “But she still really cares and wants so badly to help you out, if you’ll let her! A-And I want to help too, so we should talk! There’s a lot I want to talk to you about!”
Himiko couldn’t think straight about how she felt about her roommate then, with Izuku’s lovely matcha scent unfurling all around them, demanding her attention. But smelling it now just made her feel a little sick to her stomach, reminding her all over again of the scenting and every awful thing that came after it.
Himiko tamped down her discomfort and sighed, focusing on him.
“I’ll be honest with you, Izuku. I’m working it out with her. And while I don’t one hundred percent trust her right now, I’m also not sure how much I trust you.”
His expression dropped, crestfallen.
“O-oh, no, why not?”
“Well, I saw you staring at my injury here,” Himiko gestured to her black eye with a little hand wave, as if showing off her nails. “You see, I got this because your ex-boyfriend gave it to me, acting like I was some malicious nest-wrecker for scenting you. But you said it would be okay, and it clearly wasn’t.”
She kept her voice even, shoving down the part of her that wanted to raise it. But seeing the kicked puppy expression of this omega, Izuku, right in front of her did also kind of take the wind out of her sails a bit.
“Toga…”
She added, relenting with a sigh, “I kind of don’t blame him for blowing up either. In his shoes, I would’ve felt pretty betrayed too…” Though she personally wouldn't have minded sharing a mate with someone, having a mate go behind her back and betray her was a different story. That sort of thing would've broken her.
Izuku nodded, balling his fists up at his sides, and she felt her breath catch, heart jumping. There was a flicker of Saitou’s determination in his eyes.
“While none of this was my intention, you’re right. I did still end up hurting him, and you in the process, and I’m really, really sorry for that. I have yet to work things out with Kacchan again, but I hope you’ll let me make it up to you in the meantime. And I intend to do that by talking things through.”
Himiko felt a little weak on the inside, heart fluttering confused and eyes wanting to well up for some reason, at hearing him own up and actively care about how this all affected her. But she still had her pride, and maintained her unruffled, confident façade.
“Oh, yeah? Tell me then, Izuku, what more could you possibly have to say to me?”
“I think you might have dysosmia.”
The façade immediately fell.
“What’s. What’s that?”
On a mental level, Himiko thought she should’ve felt relieved, to know there was a name for whatever she was experiencing. Instead, she felt something drop into the pit of her stomach hearing it spoken so seriously.
Izuku barreled on like a train in explaining what he knew to her. He explained, how they ran scent disorder diagnostic tests on him when his puberty never seemed to fully set in like the other omegas, despite getting heats. He ended up diagnosed with anosmia, a fairly common scent disorder that rendered him unable to sense anyone’s pheromones, as if he were a beta.
But for a long while during testing, particularly after his infertility was discovered, there were doctors who were very focused on ruling out dysosmia, a blanket term used to cover a range of rare conditions that impact the way pheromone scents are processed.
“They’re still studying it, but for people with dysosmia, there’s a one in five chance it’s an indicator of serious underlying health issues. Stuff like infertility, high blood pressure, even autoimmune disorders.” Izuku insisted firmly, “So, you need to see a doctor as soon as possible to diagnose you and get treatment!”
Himiko was dumbstruck. And when faced with the reality of the situation, a wave of hopelessness crashed into her with a realization.
“My parents… aren’t going to believe me if I tell them I need to go to a doctor for this…”
The words came out of her throat tight, but she tried so hard to hold it together. No way was she going to cry in front of an omega, much less someone she’d barely met, like this.
But Izuku’s scent enveloped her then, in a feeling more intimate to her than just being strangers, a reminder of the purpose of their scenting. He reached out to comfort her, still determined.
“You don’t have to go through them! There’s still a way to get you help with the nurse on campus!” He insisted, squeezing her hand between both of his own, his touch calloused but careful, “UA is really good about this kind of thing, since there are confidentiality rules to safeguard student privacy! The school is also partnered with a medical research program for stuff like this, so they can even do screenings for scent disorders for free for students who opt in!”
Her inner alpha flared with that familiar feeling right before she bit Saitou, she wrenched her hand back as if burned. She then felt guilty for his look of regret and the way he put both hands up.
“Toga, I’m—”
She immediately put her other hand up and waved it off, which seemed to quiet the apology rising in his throat before it could fully leave his mouth. She decided, she didn’t want to hear it.
“Don’t, I-I’m okay. And I believe you, I promise. I just…” She pressed her forehead into her raised hand, hiding her face, “I need to process this all first, before I go ahead and do that. I have… other stuff going on that gets in the way, that I can’t talk about. It’s personal.”
She barely even wanted to talk about it with Ochako, a part of her still so scared of what she’d think, how she’d react if she knew the whole truth. Himiko was still so scared of being rejected, and having yet another person prove her parents right: that no one would love her like this, much less accept her like this.
But it’d serve her right, she thought, because how hypocritical, considering how she was still on the fence about accepting Ochako again herself.
As if he read her mind, Izuku sighed too.
“Well… if you can’t tell me, I hope you’ll be able to tell Uraraka at least. Again, I really am sorry about everything that’s happened, so by all means, take the time you need. B-But not too long! I really encourage you to go sooner rather than later! Early treatment can really help prevent things from getting worse!”
Himiko nodded, unable to help but soften inside at the worry in his voice, barely hanging by a thread as his soothing smell filled her lungs. What a sucker she was, to swoon at all over any gentle treatment, any concern shown, no matter how clumsy these people were with her.
A stray thought of Saitou’s nervous smile on the news flickered through her mind like a swift stab through the chest.
“I gotcha. Thank you, for caring about me that much.”
There was a part of her that still doubted Izuku, was still wary of him, even though he smiled so sincerely and her inner alpha wobbled on the inside as if shaking against the bars of a prison cell.
He answered cheerfully.
“Of course! It’s what you, and anyone else deserves!”
Her heart clenched hard against that, as if he had thrown away the key to that prison cell forever.
Anyone else, too, huh? There was a bit of relief that Izuku wasn’t helping her just because he thought she was pretty, but also, dang. It scorched her ego, to be assured she didn’t truly register on his radar as an alpha, to be reminded of course she wasn’t special, and of course it was too good to be true to find a second chance like him.
She smiled back at Izuku, despite the heaviness starting to settle in her chest.
“Right, of course! Anyway, in the meantime, Ochako right now is for sure sick with a fever, so I should head back and check on her.”
“Oh no, okay! Please tell her I hope she gets better soon, and she can text me if she needs anything!”
“Okie dokie!” Himiko began a few steps away, before thinking to ask one last thing, starting, “Oh, and one more thing, Izuku, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Absolutely, anything! It’s the least I can do! What do you want to know?”
Himiko giggled to herself internally. He did kind of remind her of Ochako like this. No wonder they were close…
“What? Deku didn’t tell me that…”
But they weren’t that close after all, were they? Himiko wanted to know…
“Did you actually break up with Bakugo?”
Izuku seemed a bit surprised by the question, but didn’t hesitate when he nodded.
“Temporarily, yeah. But please don’t tell Uraraka. This is something I want to talk to her about myself, when she’s better.”
She paused, unsure of how to feel about that, but agreed.
“Okay, I won’t tell her. Thanks again, Izuku.”
“Thanks for listening to me! And text me if you need anything yourself, I’m here to talk to, if you want!”
He gave her his number and with that, they parted ways, Himiko breathing in relief and resignation when Izuku’s scent finally left her lungs.
After checking and seeing Ochako sound asleep, Himiko took her bag to the bathroom to drink down all the mixed feelings swirling around in her head.
The shadow of Saitou’s dishonest smile and quiet rejection loomed over Izuku’s overexcited voice, and mingled uncomfortably with the memory of his scent gland pressed to her own, of his sweet little sigh. Matcha and pine filled her mind and she felt disgusted with herself at the sickly-sweet heat that tingled all across her body just at the thought of those scents, at how her inner alpha was screaming with hunger for people who would never want her back…
Just one last gulp to empty out a whole beer can tipped her from nausea into almost throwing up again, which her body and brain rebelled with claws against, finding the imminent possibility just as disgusting and unpleasant. And as her tears dripped onto the bathroom tile, she had a sinking feeling, remorse, shame.
“While none of this was my intention, you’re right. I did still end up hurting him, and you in the process, and I’m really, really sorry for that.”
Maybe Ochako’s hasty assumption, though hurtful, was not unreasonable.
Maybe Saitou had been right to be afraid to see her, and probably disgusted too if he thought about her still even now. Himiko thought of the permanent scar of her rabid desire forever marring him, leaving a lasting reminder of the day he almost died.
This wasn't just an embarrassing mistake she could put behind her. Even if she hadn't meant to hurt him, she did still hurt him.
So caught up suffering through the consequences of what she’d done that day, she failed to really sit with the gravity of what she'd done, what Saitou would also suffer through for the rest of his life because of her. And her throat choked up around the much too-late apology that never left her own mouth, because of how she missed her chance to say even that much, as he wounded her stupid alpha pride with just one horrified look.
No wonder he didn’t stand up for her. Who in their right mind ever wanted to see the girl that almost killed them ever again? How could she blame Saitou for wanting her gone forever?
How could she blame Ochako for being harsh with her, rough with her, seeing her against Izuku and knowing the harm she’d caused another boy before?
And she felt ashamed, because she realized, Izuku was right, and her parents were right, and if she wanted love—if she wanted to deserve love—she had to change the way she wanted it. Because who she truly was inside was wrong, harmful, and completely unacceptable. Of course no one could ever love her like this.
But what could she do, other than drink until the real Himiko stopped existing?
Coming to that realization, she sobbed her soul out until she felt boneless, as if she’d been sentenced to death. And after the anguish began to subside to numbness, she shifted from the toilet to sit against the wall, and stared down at her phone set aside on the tile floor. Maybe she didn’t trust Izuku to spill everything to him just yet, or ever, even. But she did know someone she hadn’t told yet, who was trustworthy, older than them both, and probably didn’t have his phone set to permanent “do not disturb” on account of constant mobile gaming.
<<hi jin, are you busy?
>>heyyy toga, i’m not right now! ^_^
>>whats on your mind, cutie? talk to me!
Himiko smiled a little bit, wiping away another falling tear. Jin was always doting on her, even when he was having a rough time himself. She really appreciated it. More than a kindred spirit, if Mag was like a big sister, then he was like a big brother to her of sorts similarly.
<<I have a confession to make. I can’t smell pheromones.
She brought him up to speed, about her actual condition and what happened with Izuku. And of course, he too was understanding and accepting of it. It made sense coming from him especially. He was always fighting for his life to be believed, sharing on and off co-consciousness with an overly honest headmate who liked to inject his own opinion at the worst possible times, costing him jobs and relationships and making seeking medical care very difficult at times.
If Himiko was going to consult anyone about how to seek out a doctor while in a tricky situation, Jin was a perfect friend to turn to.
<<he says I should see the nurse on campus and opt into this like
<<medical research program idk
<<so I can get diagnosed and treated for my disorder, but I’m kinda scared like
<<they’ll do a test or something and find out I’m drinking and that I’m not actually on my suppressants
<<and then they’ll report me and put me in jail
She hesitated to add, still weighing in her brain as she typed it all out, ignoring that Jin was typing at the same time. He and his headmate Jin-Jin were known to fight over the keypad sometimes, but it was easier to assert just his own voice over text rather than in verbal conversation.
<<but at the same time, izuku says it could be really bad for me if I don’t get treatment…
<<like I might have an autoimmune disease or something and it’ll just get worse
Jin texted back at the same time.
>>i’ll be real honest with you toga, it’s not sounding like a good idea to go then
<<was that jin or jin-jin?
>>still jin, so please please listen
>>im speaking from a place of concern since youve got marks against you already with your mandate and all
>>oh, but you said it could be really bad for you? hmm…
<<you don’t have to plead, jin, I’ll listen <3
>>thanks, toga ^_^
>>okay so
>>im not against you getting help then if you feel your life is on the line
>>but if you go this route, you do have to stop drinking and start taking your suppressants again for like
>>two weeks to be sure
>>and just know you should be real careful talking to medical personnel
>>i got stuffed in a real shitty mental health ward once because of something jin-jin said in the emergency room
>>so don’t get too honest, don’t share too much, and choose your words carefully
<<got it!
<<thanks so much, jin <3
>>no problem, toga! always happy to help you too <3
>>and just a reminder, don’t hesitate to come running to us if you need help, alright?
<<okayyyy <3
>>attagirl!
>>so, what else you been up to lately? you listen to Stain’s new EP yet or what?
<<omg, no, not yet! I’ve been excited to soon though aaaa >w<
They chatted a little more about Toga’s favorite musician which helped her forget her worries for a second, before Jin had to wrap up and go help run some errands.
Feeling in a much better mood, she got up, rinsed her face, and buried her now empty beer can in the trash before being met with Ochako on the other side of the bathroom door just then, who flinched in surprise and covered her mouth as she spoke.
“Sorry, I didn’t know you were in there!”
Himiko chuckled, softening a little to see Ochako awake and fretting over not getting her sick.
“No worries, it’s safe to use.” She slung her bag over her shoulder as inconspicuously as possible. “Feeling better?”
“A bit more, yeah! Just need to pee.”
“Oop, okay! I’ll be out of your way then.”
Ochako nodded, “Thanks so much, Toga!”
And as Himiko side-stepped her, Ochako seemed to hesitate a second before scurrying into the bathroom, leaving a faint trail of that sweet pretty scent in her wake. Himiko took a deep breath and went back to their room to go hide the rest of her liquor away somewhere Ochako wouldn’t see it.
With all the intoxicating smells lingering on her mind, she wondered how long she could actually handle being sober and on suppressants again. Especially if she wanted to actually stay here in this dorm with Ochako, supposing Ochako was actually still willing to have her here once all was said and done.
Quitting drinking, taking meds that didn't work, being strong enough to hold it all in and pray she'd hurt nobody else again... that was the only way she could hope to possibly get clean tests on whatever they’d do to her, to find out what she had.
If she wanted to see a doctor, this was definitely going to be an uphill battle…
Notes:
Okay so for this fic, I think Jin has partial DID so his headmate Jin-Jin (also nicknamed "Twice" by some of their other friends) can be conscious at the same time he is, but rests dormant in the back sometimes. They don’t really agree on if they’re one person or not, so they’re somewhere between median and plural in terms of how they see themselves as a system.
I’m probably not going to dive into the Jins’ living situation heavily in the fic because this ain’t about them, plus I’m but a humble singlet with limited headcanons for a quirk-free AU Jin. In any case though, I am also sending love and a shout-out to any togachako fans who are in systems! Whether you're plural or single or anywhere in between, I hope everyone’s still enjoying :3
I’ve been injected with Beastars, Arcane JayVik stuff, and all the drama surrounding that godawful BNHA chapter 431 thing to get the brain juices flowing for this fic again, so now I have a clearer idea of how I want to end this fic eventually! I didn’t even have a clear ending in mind when I started, so good news is, I really do think I’ll actually probably finish this someday!
Next chapter is also gonna be so, so rough, but I think so, so worth it! Until next time!
-Reddie
Chapter 10: Misalignment
Notes:
If I haven't replied to your comment, i'm sorry, my head injury has still been giving me symptoms, but just know i'm not ignoring you and I've read everyone's comments and I appreciate you all for giving this fic a chance in general, however it makes you feel! Whatever you felt, all I hope is it wasn't nothing~
Enjoy the chapter, this'll for sure hurt ❤️
-Reddie
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Soon enough, after a couple of weeks, Ochako recovered from her fever, Tsuyu and Ashido were fully up to date (with some details of course, omitted for privacy), and Himiko's eye healed.
By the Friday of that second week, Ochako was discharged from her routine physical therapy appointments, her arm seeming to show promise of returning to mostly normal. And Himiko, having a report due Monday, went to the school library to pick up a book for it and finish it up.
That same Friday, Ochako figured she'd start really making it up to Himiko by taking on her usual duty of sorting out their trash for disposal. She noticed Himiko spent a lot of time every other weekend with that chore, subtly adamant that she take on that responsibility.
But with her report, surely Himiko might appreciate some help so she could spend more time enjoying her weekend, wouldn't she?
Their room trash was easy, since they already had a dedicated system to separate non-burnable trash from burnable trash, Himiko often offering to dump their recyclables in the kitchen recycling bin. But then when she started with the bathroom trash, she found something surprising.
Why was there an empty can of beer in there?
Ochako took a deep breath as she sorted the can into an opaque bag to discard elsewhere, maybe not at school. After she finished the task at hand, she texted Himiko.
<<hey, when you come back could we just chat and like
<<pick up where we left off before i got sick?
>>umm not sure i exactly remember what we were talking about, but i think so...
>>i just reeeeally wanna get this report out of the way first
>>since i've got something else going on tomorrow
>>so we'll see! ttyl
<<alrighty, good luck!
Ochako tried not to think about it while she focused on her own homework, reassuring herself they were going to talk about it. And hey, maybe it wasn't even Himiko's? Her friends were adults anyway, and maybe she just forgot to throw away trash for one of them while coming back late from their place? Still, it was weird to have it in the bathroom trash if that were the case...
Anyway, she wasn't going to jump to conclusions again. They were going to talk about it. Himiko promised they'd talk.
Ochako finished her homework. She ate some dinner with some of her classmates in the dorm kitchen, ending up chatting with Tsuyu and Ashido after they finished eating. But she got distracted while Ashido was talking about sorting through some feelings she's been having about another alpha in their class, drafting a text to Himiko discretely under the table.
<<hey, are you coming back tonight or staying over at your friends' place again?
"...and like I know I yap a lot about how people smell like cuties and all that, but I think sitting down and actually considering if I really like- like someone or just their scent is a whole different game! And I've never felt that way about anyone before, so I dunno!" Ashido gave a little frustrated whine, bonking her forehead against the table, reaching out a hand towards— "Uraraka? Like. If it's okay to ask... how did you realize you liked Deku when you did?"
Ochako glanced up sheepishly from her phone and tried to act like she'd been fully paying attention, though she had heard the gist of what Ashido had said.
"Oh! I, um, he was just..." She tripped over her words, searching. "I mean, it wasn't like, love at first sight or anything. To be honest, I didn't even think he was that cute to begin with. But he was friendly, and like... easy to talk to?"
It honestly didn't capture what she actually felt, but she just too distracted thinking about Himiko, about talking to her.
Ashido glanced briefly at Ochako's other hand under the table, and elected to ignore it when Ochako brought it back up to the top of the table into view.
"Yeah, well, I think you're easy to talk to, but no offense, I don't have a crush on you! Like, what sets plain old attraction apart from love for you, I mean? How'd you realize you were into him in like a not friend way?"
Tsuyu chimed in, "Weren't you the one teasing her in the first place that she had a crush on him when she was in denial about it?"
"Agh, it's different when you're the one in the driver's seat!" Ashido dug her forehead into the table a little. "Maaan. I'm sorry about that, Uraraka! I feel like it's plain to see when you're looking from the outside at other people, but I really have no idea since I'm not sure I've ever felt that way myself before!"
"Hey, it's okay, Ashido. I mean, it started out with me wanting to be his friend...." She said thoughtfully, thinking back through every exchange they had since then, every time she looked at him, reached for him. "Then I started to feel a... different way? Like fired up and anxious to see him? I don’t know exactly when I started feeling that way, but it was definitely before people started pointing it out to me. I just… didn’t really realize until after they did… "
"Hmmm… I mean, I do get fired up to see him,” Ashido tapped the tips of her fingers against the table pensively, “But I’m not sure if it’s the same way as how I feel fired up to hang out with you guys? I dunno…"
Ochako continued to brainstorm. For some reason, while trying to think of how she felt about Izuku, how his nervous smile sparked a dull ache in her heart even now, suddenly Himiko’s resigned smile and saccharine voice surfaced in her mind.
“I don’t really have a choice, do I? I’m stuck living here whether I like it or not.”
That memory ached harshly, feeling so raw and immediate when she thought of the empty bed that would be across from her tonight.
But , Ochako thought, isn’t that a bit of an extreme reaction?
Why was she thinking of that now?
"How about you, Tsu?” She redirected, wanting to keep the focus on helping Ashido. “How'd you realize you were in love with your girlfriend?"
“I'm kind of like you, Ochako. Habuko and I were good friends too, in middle school." Tsuyu smiled pleasantly. "We didn't start dating until just before high school actually. I realized, when we were looking at different schools, how much I didn't want to lose her. How much she feels like home to me, and how I never want to give up on her. Because she never gives up on me either."
Ashido made puppy dog eyes, cooing, "Aww, that's really sweet, Tsu! I still dunno though... but I also can't stop thinking about him..."
"Hmm... I definitely keep thinking of Habuko even when I know I should be focused on other things too." Tsuyu reassured, "Anyway, you have time to think it over, Ashido. I asked her out, but she didn't really agree to be my girlfriend until a few months after the fact. Feelings are hard, but you can't force them. Everyone has to move at their own pace, and the right person will be patient enough to wait for you..."
Something about Tsuyu’s words made Ochako’s heart clench again, Himiko flittering into her mind again.
Just then, Ochako's phone buzzed underneath her thigh with a text notification, startling her a bit. Tsuyu and Ashido snapped their attention to her, Ashido quick to switch gears.
"Okay, okay, I gotta know. Were you texting Toga earlier while I was talking?"
Another text notification buzzed beneath her and she sheepishly pulled her phone out, over the table this time.
"Um! Y-yeah. Sorry… I just wanted to check when she was getting back..."
"Aw, dude, don't be! How is she doing now after that whole thing with Midoriya and Bakugo?" Ashido mentioned it casually now, having already given Bakugo a piece of her mind about it and gave him a bit of a mutual cold shoulder since then.
"Well, uh, as okay as she can be. All healed up now at least, just busy these days."
"She's been out a lot lately, hasn't she?" Tsuyu noted, while Ochako read the text.
>>actually, yeah! sorry i didn't text first about it
>>tomorrow, jin's taking me to that concert I mentioned awhile back! so will be back after tomorrow night, i think
"Yeah... like I said though, she's busy. She just finished her report today, and tomorrow, she's hanging out with her other friends. And they live kinda far, so..." She put her phone away.
"Man, that's kind of sus... she was like, almost always in the dorm before, wasn't she? She avoiding you now or something?"
"No, I... I don't think it's like that," Ochako answered, as if trying reassure herself not to jump to conclusions again. "I just, think after everything she's been through lately, she's just trying to have a good time and be happy, you know? And... I want that for her too."
And it doesn’t have to include me, Ochako thought a bit solemnly, regret settling on her shoulders.
"Ohh... I swear to god, you said something like that before about Midoriya too..." Ashido murmured, pressing her cheek to the table, deep in thought herself. "Hmm... I wonder if that's what love feels like then..."
"Ashido..." Tsu scolded mildly.
"No, no! I’m not teasing or anything, just thinking out loud, agh!"
Ochako couldn’t help but crack a smile, despite the slight ache growing in her heart.
“It’s fine, Ashido! Don’t worry too hard about it!”
They petered off onto other topics before cleaning up and going their separate ways back to their rooms, Ochako’s head full of the recent conversation and Himiko.
Her aching heart was soothed a little bit by imagining Himiko’s eyes lighting up at that concert, of her cute, toothy smile beaming so wide at the musicians on stage. What was that artist’s name Himiko had mentioned really loving before… Stain? Was that the band name or a singer’s name?
If only she knew, the way Himiko took the time to learn what Ochako liked. What an awful roommate Ochako had been.
“I really do hope you have fun,” she murmured to the empty bed across from her, absentmindedly tracing the edges of her phone with her finger.
It wasn’t over yet. They still had to talk.
<<just found jin at the train station! waiting at the platform with him now ^_^
“Man, what is she, your mom?”
As they stood in line to get on the soon-to-arrive train, Jin-Jin tried peering over Himiko’s shoulder while she texted Ochako, promptly receiving a firm but not forceful elbow to the chest. She made a little whiny noise of protest and quickly finished sending her text.
“She’s my roommate, Jin-Jin.” Himiko pouted, pocketing her phone. “And it’s basic courtesy in case something happens! I’m pretty sure you tell someone else before you head out, don’t you?”
“Yeah, we do, we do, but come on, I’m just teasin’ ya, girly!” Jin took back the helm, softly bonking the side of his head and adding, “Urgh, sorry ‘bout that, Toga.”
“No problem, it’s okay, Jin!” Himiko giggled, digging through her bag for some snacks. “I think you’re just bored and hungry. Did you have anything to eat yet?”
“Ah, no, I’m fine, don’t worry about it,” Jin supplied, before Jin-Jin interjected, “Do you happen to have any Chocorooms on ya?”
“Hehe, thought so!”
Himiko pulled a bag of said chocolate mushroom-shaped cookies from her bag. It wasn’t long until their train came along to take them up to the venue in Tokyo. They chatted along the way up, Jin mentioning a friend he’d made who wanted to come over and hang out sometime, once he could get a day off. Hearing that this friend sounded like a nice guy, she was excited to meet him someday.
Soon enough, they got off the train. And as they made their way to the venue, Jin handing Toga over her ticket, he took the moment while they were alone to ask.
“Say. Did you wanna bum a drink off of me quiet-like while we’re there or nah? I’ll sneak you one if you get overwhelmed by the scents or anything like that.”
Himiko shook her head.
“No, it’s okay. I drank already earlier, and I’m cutting back, so I can prepare to see that doctor I mentioned.”
“Oh, is that right? Nice!” Jin patted her on the shoulder. “I’ll keep a close eye on you then! I know it probably isn’t going to be easy on you.”
“It won’t,” Himiko hummed, a bit resigned as she remembered her mental state back in middle school, when she didn’t know about what alcohol could do for her. But she reassured Jin, and herself, saying, “But I’ve dealt with these feelings before, and I can do it again! I’ve decided, I’m going to live the way I want to, on my terms. And I’m starting today with seeing Mr. Stain-y perform live with one of my closest friends!”
“Attagirl, that’s the spirit! I’m one-hundred percent behind ya on that!”
The venue was a pretty intimate setting, not a big stadium but a smaller space better known for hosting indie musicians. Stain had the audience in the palm of his hand with his voice and his axe, some moments everyone going still and quiet as they hung off his every note. It was an entirely different experience hearing him in person than just over recording, some songs far more visceral when performed unplugged.
True to his word, after the concert, Jin did support Himiko in taking her own lead. He lined up with her to get matching shirts and an autograph from Stain himself. They even got a selfie with him too, Himiko seeming to vibrate, rapidly bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet the whole time, Stain seeming keen on her.
“I take it you enjoyed the concert, kid?”
“Yes! I loved it and I love you, Mr. Stain!” She agreed gleefully, talking about as fast as she vibrated. “Your convictions are everything to me, a-and as long as you have breath in your lungs, I hope you never stop making music!”
“Ha! Well, rest assured I’m keeping my lungs nice and strong all the time!” Stain laughed. “I think I like you, kid! What’s your name?”
“H-Himiko Toga!”
“Well, Toga, you can bet I’ll stay true to my convictions then! Just don’t ever let anyone take your convictions from you either, yeah?”
“I won’t!” She agreed firmly.
He let her go with a parting pat to the head, Jin getting his turn to chat and even exchange a high-five with him.
Himiko went back to the apartment giddy and over the moon, fangirling a bit on the inside thinking how Stain smelled even better than the way she imagined he would: a dark, sweet scent, full and rich in how it blanketed her senses. It was the happiest she’d been in a while, and thinking about how happy today made her made her heart ache, and tears well up.
As she fell asleep on the couch next to Jin, both of them covered in cats in the dark, he murmured.
“Hey, Toga, you still awake?”
“Yeah, Jin?”
“I know you’re a bigger fan of Stain than I am, so what’d you mean when you were talkin’ about his, uh, convictions?”
“Oh! Stain doesn’t believe pandering has any place in music. He’s even fought people over it,” Himiko hummed. “At the core of everything he composes, he’s always true to himself. He doesn’t release anything that he isn’t proud of, and doesn’t care about making himself more palatable to anyone. He does it solely because he loves what he makes, whether or not it makes him a profit. But I’m happy though he was open to selling shirts!”
“I see. Living the way you want, huh?”
“Mhm! No regrets for risks left unlived,” She sang softly. “Grab the reins of your fate, no shits left to give...”
“I like that song too. I hear what you mean...”
They were quiet a moment, before Toga asked, throwing hesitation to the wind.
“Hey, um, Jin? If I wanted to live here secretly instead of at the dorm, would you be okay with it?”
“Course! I mean, that’s more a question for Tenko, but yeah! Why wouldn’t I be?” Jin reassured, only for Jin-Jin to pepper in, “I mean, honestly, it’s kinda cramped like this, so we might want a futon for you if Tenko will spring it. But I don’t see why not. Furikake is constantly looking for you, pawing at the door after you leave.”
Furikake snored in purrs on top of her chest, as if to chime in. Himiko giggled.
“I honestly don’t know if Tenko will let me. But I figure, if you feel like it’s okay, maybe it’ll make for a better case for me?”
“Yeah, maybe!”
“So, sharing like this, every night, really wouldn’t bother you then? Even though I might get difficult? Smelling blood and all…”
“Jin-Jin’s difficult—hey!—but that hasn’t stopped you from being my friend, has it? And this isn’t the first time you’ve slept over either.”
“And you’ve never been scared of me attacking you? Ever?” She said quietly, the knowledge suddenly heavy in her mind that he was an omega. If Jin experienced heats, he certainly never let it show anywhere around her.
He laughed softly at the idea of it.
“You wanna scare me then you’ve gotta try harder than just being a cute, squishy-cheeked little alpha. I’ve seen waaay scarier folks back when I was livin’ outta net cafes! I trust ya, Toga. Plus, I said I’d be one-hundred percent behind you, didn’t I?”
“I’m here to support you now, okay?”
Himiko felt her heart clench at the brief thought of Ochako then, a tear slipping quietly down her face. She shifted slightly to wipe it away, discreetly.
“You did. I’ll hold you to it then. Thank you for being such a good friend to me.”
“Ha, no need to thank me. That’s just what you deserve, girly.” He yawned, “Happy to be for you what I wish I had growing up. Want you to have it… way easier than I did...”
As they both eventually fell asleep, her mind was made up. She’d talk things through with Ochako, one last time.
The next afternoon, Ochako was half-studying for a quiz on Monday, half-waiting for Himiko to get back. And then lo and behold, she returned, easygoing as ever. The sight initially brought relief to Ochako’s heart.
“Heyy, I’m back.” Himiko chirped, taking off her coat and putting her bag aside, quickly saying, “We can talk, but first I need to really focus and finish some homework, okay?”
“Okay, of course! You think we could have some dinner while we’re at it?”
Himiko gave a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
“Sure thing.”
They both studied and worked separately together in silence, before grabbing some leftover curry and rice from the dorm kitchen to heat up and eat. They withdrew to their rooms to have their dinner and discussion.
Himiko explained, “I’m moving out of the dorm, Ochako. For both our sakes.”
“Toga… if—”
“Wait. I’m not done, so please just listen. It’s because the truth is, I smell blood.”
Ochako went quiet as Himiko elaborated on why suppressants didn’t work, that she used alcohol instead, that she was always just a little bit drunk until she came back to the dorm.
Ochako nodded, and when it was at last her turn to speak, the words about burst out of her mouth.
“It’s clear to me now! I was about to ask you why I found a beer can in our bathroom trash, but now I get it!”
“I’m sorry for putting you in the position of getting in trouble because of our trash. Now that you know… you can rest easy knowing I won’t be anywhere near you more often. There will be no risk of me attacking you while I get treatment...”
“Hold on, there wasn’t risk to begin with! If you were going to attack me, you would’ve by now!” Ochako tried to reassure, but Himiko was sullen.
“Alright. If you really didn’t believe there was any risk, you wouldn’t have freaked out seeing me scenting Izuku.”
Ochako shook her head, insisting.
“Well, I regret reacting that way! It was unreasonable of me after everything! So I need to make it abundantly clear that I don’t think you need to move out!” Her voice broke, “It’s great news now that I understand what you’re sensing! It means we can work something out together!”
“Okay. Come on, Ochako,” She sighed a bit exasperated, a sad little weary smile still not reaching her eyes. “You can’t honestly tell me you’re not scared of me again? Now that you know how much I like blood?”
Ochako drew forward to hold her face in both hands, catching Himiko by surprise a little.
“I’m not scared of you anymore. Toga, you’ve been holding all of this inside you for so long… if anything, I feel really bad for you. That sounds so difficult.”
Himiko didn’t shift away from the touch immediately, though her eyes became downcast and discouraged once again, throat choked up.
“Well. I still need to leave and you promised me that was my choice to make.” She gently removed Ochako’s hands, pushing them away. “I’ll be staying with my friends, so you don’t have to worry too hard, okay?”
Ochako curled her hands in her own lap, squeezing her eyes shut with a deep breath and nodding.
“Okay. I know I did, and I can respect that.” Looking up again, she held Himiko’s gaze. “But, please, hear me out, before you go. There are… things I don’t want to leave unsaid. Because I think you need to hear them.”
Her eyes began to well up with tears held back, and Himiko’s heart couldn’t help but clench.
“Sure. I’m listening.”
Ochako took another deep breath.
“Look, I know I’ve already said it a thousand times, but I really am so, so sorry, Toga. I know I’ve been self-centered this whole time, just taking what you give me, and not thinking that much about how you felt, what you thought. What you wanted.”
Himiko couldn’t hold back the laugh in her throat, choking on it a bit with tears beginning to bloom at the corners of her eyes.
“No way, you’ve got to be kidding!”
Ochako’s hand seemed to fly out on its own again, desperate to grasp Himiko at any point of her body, like she needed to keep her anchored down to Earth. Her touch landed on Himiko’s arm, and she was so careful not to touch her wrist.
Himiko noticed, heart wobbling in her chest. Ochako’s voice came out hoarse, insistent.
“I promise I’m not, please believe me.” She began to word vomit, “I won’t try to change your mind. I just want you to understand that I know I was judgmental and cruel and I got worked up over nothing, and I really think I was just jealous and for what? Deku doesn’t even like me back! And just because I was upset about him not seeing my beta self as mate material doesn’t mean it was okay for me take that out on you! At that moment, I wanted to be his hero, when in reality, I just ended up being a jerk to you, and no better than Bakugo—”
Himiko brought hand up to cradle the side of Ochako’s face.
“Let me stop you right there, please.” She spoke softly, a look of disbelief meeting Ochako’s watery gaze, no longer able to hold back tears. “Ochako… I thought about it more, and I understood where you were coming from. Crush or not, Izuku’s your friend, and I can’t really blame you for how you reacted when you saw me with him like that, after what I’ve done before. I know that’s going to live with me forever, and I can’t change it. So if you’re going to be sorry about anything, just be sorry you hurt me. That’s it.”
“I am, I really, really am, Himiko.”
“And don’t be sorry for thinking about yourself. Actually, I think it’s one of the most beautiful things you can do. Being open with me. Being so honest with me, even when you don’t think it’s pretty.”
Ochako brought her other hand up to meet Himiko’s.
“If we’re being super honest then, Himiko, I… I think I...”
I think I like you, please don’t go. I want to help.
She felt her throat close up around that confession trapped in her throat, heart still aching and scared, remembering why she fell and broke her arm.
Ready or not, it felt like a free fall when Himiko’s mouth met her own then.
Her heart was flooded to bursting then, so viscerally, so immediately. Every vein in her body sang with warmth alight through every current, every pulse as her heart jumped. Ochako couldn’t help the sound she made, or the way she leaned into Himiko, not only accepting but returning the kiss.
Her body moved on its own, realizing how right it felt. And Himiko could hardly seem to help herself either, hungry and yearning in how she kissed Ochako, making warm little helpless sounds against her lips. Ochako couldn’t help but sink into it too, responding with soft sounds of her own when Himiko tasted her tongue.
Then Himiko bit her lower lip and Ochako reeled at the taste of blood. Something electric, and terrifying surged through her.
Snapping out of it, Ochako pulled back, unable to escape those wounded golden eyes, reflecting the guilt Ochako felt inside. She couldn’t help the tears that began to fall.
“H…Himiko… I—”
“I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry—” Himiko said with trembling hands coming up to cover her own mouth, eyes aghast at the sight of blood on Ochako’s lip.
“No… no, Himiko, I…” Ochako head was spinning, face burning with guilt. She couldn’t think straight. “I’m so sorry, no, this is—I can’t do this to you, I just—I… I have to go think!”
It was a blur. Ochako took her keys and her phone, and she was out the door.
Himiko did not have it left in her to even cry anymore. Numb, she packed her bags that night and ended up going to bed alone in their dorm one final time.
It was alright. She had already decided to leave, after all.
Notes:
In this universe, Ochako’s power isn’t floating but fumbling (rest in pepperoni).
I got into Sleep Token recently, some of their stuff is very togachako I must say, I must say uou
Stain’s lyricism mildly inspired by them lmao, but I think he goes a lil heavier metal.This chapter is also dedicated to my IRL heartbreak, a very dear friend who is not in this fandom. She is the one who even introduced me to Sleep Token, among many other beautiful things I love this in this life! I love her so much and I do really hope she will be happy. I just wished it could’ve been with me instead. And that we could've at least kissed once before truly calling it quits, but oh well, what can you do?
I was unfortunately too sad to properly proofread this chapter and wanted to finish writing chapter 11 before uploading, but I couldn’t yet. So any comments pointing out errors are actually very deeply appreciated.
Until next chapter!
-Reddie
Chapter 11: Similarity
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
“Don’t you dare hold back on me, Round Face, you hear me?!” Bakugo barked, pulling at the other end of the tug-of-war rope. “That can’t be all you’ve got! Give it your everything, goddammit!”
Tried as she might have, the rope burned her hands and her ego as it slipped out of her grip anyway.
For some reason, that was the memory that seemed to cycle through her head as she ran down the hall to the person she thought would understand best. The sting and the shame she felt back then, was the same as now: giving her honest best, giving her all, and failing once again…
“Holy whoa! Uraraka, are you alright?”
It wasn’t the best look in the world to turn up at Izuku’s dorm room door, eyes puffy and cheeks still wet from tears, stinging as they flowed over the bloody nick on her lip.
A flash of Himiko’s wounded eyes once again slipped through her mind like that tug-of-war rope, burning as it tore through her soul.
“I hurt her,” she admitted, anguished and hoarse, “I messed up. Again.”
Before she could shed more tears about it, Izuku ushered her into his bedroom to talk more privately, Aoyama glancing briefly but curiously over at them from his desk space as they passed by.
After having to take a very long time to clear away some books and clothes to make space, they sat beside each other on his bed, and he let her cry until the fight left her body, and she slumped into herself, exhausted.
“Hey… you seem really tired. Do you want to talk about it now or in the morning?”
“I… yeah, I think I’ll wait until morning. I can barely… oh, are you going to sleep over with Bakugo again tonight?”
Izuku shook his head.
“Oh, no. Actually… Uraraka, I was meaning to tell you that we’re taking a break. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner, I just wasn’t sure how to say it. But yeah. I’m just going to sleep on the dorm room couch. You can have my bed, okay?”
The words didn’t sound real. She thought she would’ve felt surprised to hear they did actually break up like Himiko said, but instead she felt nothing, her heart focused too intensely on the still raw pain of Himiko slipping through her fingers.
It took a second before she could find the mind to say, “I—oh, Deku, I’m so sorry to hear that. Is everything okay?”
“Honestly? No, but it will be okay. Bakugo and I, we both get kinda prideful, and we’re not always the tidiest couple when it comes to hashing out our feelings. But we always find a way to work things out when things are rough.” Izuku explained, sounding so assured and secure in the knowledge. “I’m just collecting my thoughts before I go talk to him when I’m readier tomorrow. Good intentions or not, I’m really starting to understand now how much what I did hurt him, and I want to figure out how we can better move forward together, in a way that respects both of us. For now, I need to focus on myself, and I think you should too.”
Easier said than done, Ochako thought. Thoughts remained, cycling through Himiko’s teeth on her lip and the feeling of electricity, the wounded eyes near tears. But the words wouldn’t form, lodged in her throat like a knife.
All she could reply was, “Okay…”
Before he left, he asked if there was anything he could do for her, if she needed an extra blanket or wanted something warm to drink or anything. But when she declined, he gave her space and left her to the room.
Giving a half-hearted effort to some hand stretches for post-physical therapy maintenance, she fell asleep easily in his bed.
The next morning was the start of a new school week. They rang in their Monday with breakfast together, went to class, avoided answering a couple of questions at Ochako’s bleeding lip, and then finally during their lunch break, left the classroom to find a place to go talk more privately about the whole thing.
People didn’t often come up to the roof since the stairwell up was a bit out of the way and smelled a bit bad, but they could see the whole campus together from up there.
They found their way up together and ate quietly, staring out at the school, until Izuku broke the ice.
“Before we talk about what happened, you should know that I already got a chance to talk to her. I told her she could get checked for dysosmia with the nurse on campus, but she said she had to deal with other personal things first.”
“Oh, okay. Well… it’s good at least that she’s taking your advice. She said she was going to get treatment…”
“That’s very reassuring,” He sighed, relieved. “Did you get to talk to her about it at all?”
Ochako set her now empty bento away, staring at her empty hands in her lap.
“Yeah. And now I know a little more about how her disorder works, but…” She struggled to find the words, throat almost closing up again at the thought of the kiss. “She’s moving out of the dorm for it. And I wanted to be there to help her, but I made things worse.”
She then buried her face in her hands, and felt Izuku’s hand settle on her back, careful as a butterfly’s touch.
“What do you mean ‘worse’? What happened?”
“She was talking like it would be too dangerous for me if she stayed in the dorm. But I was telling her no, that she isn’t, but she didn’t believe me! And… and after how I treated her, of course she didn’t, and I tried to say sorry, and tried to reassure her that I was wrong, and-and then w-we got so... close… and...”
Izuku’s voice was quiet, solemn, even.
“What’d you do?”
“She couldn’t help herself. She kissed me, and I almost got. Too caught up in it,” She found herself explaining, somewhat embarrassed as she went on. “She bit my lip, and i-it felt so good, and I… I had to stop myself because…”
“Oh, whoa. Because… she bit you or...?” Izuku asked a little dumbly, quite surprised but also curious, having trouble staying on the same page. It was weird to him how Ochako was blaming herself, when Himiko was the one not able to keep her instincts contained.
Ochako had a different perspective.
“No, no, it was just like… you should have seen the look on her face, Deku. She looked so fragile. And I just… how could I take advantage of her in that state? It felt wrong to continue, when she wasn’t in her right mind…”
Izuku blinked and took it in, puzzled by the guilt in Ochako’s tone.
“Huh. I’m not sure I follow. I wasn’t even aware she liked you like that.”
“That’s just it! I don’t even know if she actually does!” Ochako felt a new surge of tears spill out. “I’m a beta, Deku. I… I don’t sense things the way she does! Like, Ashido the other day was talking about her crush on—I’m pretty sure it’s Kirishima—but anyway, she was really confused about whether or not she really like-likes him or if… if she just likes the way he smells. And Himiko… loves how I smell.”
There was a long silence between them, and Izuku’s gentle touch on her back remained so light, so careful, it may as well have not been there to begin with. She barely noticed when he drew his hand away to settle between them on the concrete.
“Are you trying to say… you think her instincts are somehow separate from her real feelings?”
“Aren’t they?” She gestured, lifting her head from her hands to look at him, “I mean, that’s why people take suppressants, right? To keep them from recklessly doing stuff they’d regret later.”
“Uraraka… people also do things in their right minds that they regret later too. Like how I didn’t check in with Kacchan before agreeing to the scenting with Toga…” He mused, regret lining his voice now too. “Alphas, omegas, betas, yeah, we all have instincts and desires. I don’t think it’s right to try to view them as separate things. They’re both parts of how we each live and love.”
Ochako began to sob again, feeling a great chasm of lack in herself when the realization of a very raw, longing desire washed over her.
“I know I am what I am, and it’s no good to think about if things were different, but still. Deku...” She trailed off through her tears, her next words wounded and small, “Do you ever wish you could smell Bakugo too?”
Speak of the devil, Bakugo suddenly kicked open the door to the roof access behind them, a fist full of colorful roses gripped in one hand.
“Kacchan!” Deku squawked, surprised. “What are you doing up here?”
“I wanna talk. Someone told me they saw you going up here.” he said calmly, before turning to Ochako with a furrowed brow. “As for you, Round Face, I wasn’t expecting you to be here with him. But either way, don’t go asking him stupid questions.”
Ochako went red, standing up and fuming at him, fists balled at her sides.
“How is it stupid?! Like you’d understand being the normal alpha you are!”
He barked back, “It’s stupid because you’re asking like there’s something wrong with it!” Then, taking a breath, he tempered himself. “Listen. Don’t you dare fucking make it out like not smelling pheromones is something so goddamn tragic. I’d honestly kill for that even, if it meant I could better understand Izuku on the level you can with that.”
Ochako was taken a bit aback, though the truth to those words clenched in her chest. Looking right through Bakugo, she saw through his alpha posturing then. And merciful, she backed down.
Izuku stood up too, then.
“Kacchan…”
Bakugo stepped towards him.
“Look. I don’t know the hell what you two are talking about right now, but I’m not losing my shit and fucking things up again. If you don’t want me back, if you breaking up with me was final, that’s… that’s fine. You can be with her if that’s what you want, and I’ll back off. I get it,” He said, voice at the edge of frustrated tears. “I just… Izuku, I wanted you to know I’m sorry for how I reacted. Because you deserve that much and more.”
Ochako reeled, glancing back and Izuku, then Bakugo again, flushing embarrassed.
“Huh? H-Hold on, it’s not like that! He was just helping me sort out some stuff out about Toga!”
“And I said ‘take a break’, not break up-break up!” Izuku was quick to tag in heatedly, squeezing the flower stems in his hands, “I wanted to pause and reassess my feelings and how to communicate them to you, not end things forever! I know you have every right to think otherwise after what I did, but I love you too much to even think about leaving you for anyone else! You’re my mate!”
Bakugo’s eyes widened as if shocked to hear it so brazenly spoken, especially right in front of Ochako, who he couldn’t help but glance at then.
But Ochako’s eyes instead were fixed on the tears welling up in the corners of Izuku’s eyes then and there, hurt but determined. He looked so willing to stand his ground and fight for his mate, the way people usually expected an alpha to fight for their omega.
And seeing how his eyes were entirely fixed on Bakugo, the way the tooth necklace hung from the alpha’s neck like a claiming bite laid over and over, a realization crystallized inside her.
“Deku…”
Both of them turned to her, then glanced at each other.
“Oh, geez, I—sorry, Kacchan, I really mean that. I want to fight for us, always. But can I finish talking to her first?”
Ochako interjected, “No, Deku, actually. It’s okay. I think I’m good now.” She then turned and said, “In fact, Bakugo, you just cleared something up for me by interrupting, so. Thank you.”
“Huh?!” He blushed and grumbled, “Well. D-Don’t even mention it. Sorry for snapping at you.”
“It needed to be said,” Ochako laughed, and he couldn’t help the way his expression loosened a bit, making her smile. “Don’t worry.”
As she put a hand up to wave goodbye, before she could completely turn away, Bakugo stopped her.
“Wait. Uraraka.” He said very seriously, “Izuku’s not the only person I owe an apology. But since I doubt she’ll be thrilled to see me, can you tell your roommate I’m sorry? I was way out of line with her…”
There was a pause between them.
“Actually,” Ochako replied haltingly. “You should tell her yourself. But not before I do first.”
Bakugo nodded.
“Good luck, then.”
With that, she got up.
“After class today, I’m gonna go find her! I'll let you both talk now, and Deku, you can fill him in too!”
And with that, she parted ways, and left them to their own conversation. And though there was still a faint ache in her heart, to see Izuku choose Bakugo again, right in front of her in such a way… somehow this time, it didn’t feel so heavy. Something about seeing them coming together to fix things, fighting for each other, despite all that happened between them… inspired her. It all brought Himiko to the front of her mind.
Despite the gravity of the pain she’d caused, they gave her hope that there was still a chance to make things right.
Meanwhile, earlier that same morning, when Himiko woke up alone and too early to the sound of knocking at the dorm room door. Having not slept so restfully, she dragged herself out of bed to answer and found Ashido on the other side.
“Heyyy, Toga,” Ashido greeted, holding up a notebook, “Sorry to wake you early! Just forgot to give this back to Uraraka before class starts! Where’s she at?”
It took Toga a moment to process, and she felt a pit in her stomach once the implications started to sink in.
“She… didn’t sleep over with you and Tsu last night?”
“Nope, she did not!” Ashido blinked. “Oh, so I take it she must’ve slept over at Midoriya’s or something, huh?”
“Please don’t tell Uraraka. This is something I want to talk to her about myself, when she’s better.”
Himiko felt a rock in the pit of her stomach as she remembered what Izuku told her about his breakup, a story beginning to unfold in her mind as the dots connected painfully.
“Yeah, I guess she did,” Himiko said, tone flat and unamused. Ashido just took it that she woke her up too early and gave a sheepish laugh.
“Welp! Sorry to bother you so early! Anyway, thanks for letting me know! I’m going to rush to my class so I can make sure to return her notebook to her there before it starts! Peace!”
It was hard for her to be mad at Ashido herself though, so Himiko meant it when she smiled and waved, “Okay, have a good one!”
With that, Ashido left, and Himiko got ready to skip class and take the train to her friends.
Once she arrived at the apartment and the doors were opened to her, her soul felt hollowed out. The sound of Ochako’s sweet voice, the gentleness of where her hands last touched, the taste of her mouth—of her blood on Himiko’s tongue—all still reverberated through her head.
She remembered how, in the moment that Ochako kissed back, suddenly everything that had been heavy inside her felt light. And for that moment, the past truly didn’t matter anymore, because then and there, someone loved her back. Someone showed her, despite her dysfunction, that she could still be wanted. That she didn’t have to be perfect to be loved, to enjoy love, and that who she was, as she was, was fine and was enough.
All of it followed by a great heaving chasm of lack, of absence, upon every spot their bodies had made contact in that fleeting moment. The sound of the door shutting as Ochako ran away to Izuku’s room like an empty echo of a nail hammered a last time into a coffin, tinging the loss of all the warmth in the feeling of a death sentence.
“No one will love you like that.”
But yet somehow still, there was a clarity in the emptiness. She was truly home now, the only place truly safe to her, filled with only people she knew could truly be trusted.
Or at least, that’s what Himiko thought.
After she was settled in with a couple of final drinks with Tenko and Touya, who was now proudly wearing the extra Stain shirt they got him at the concert, Jin returned with the one friend he’d mentioned before, excited to see her as he introduced him.
“Toga, this is my new friend, Keigo Takami!”
“Oh,” Takami blinked, seeming a bit surprised at the sight of her, particularly stuck on the sight of how young she looked. “Toga, is it?”
She nodded, feeling a little lighter with the alcohol in her system, “The one and only Himiko Toga! Nice to meet you~”
Takami’s scent filtered in muted through the haze of her buzz, sweet like pineapple with an undertone that reminded her of Ochako’s scent. She washed down the rising of wave of memory on her tongue—Ochako’s blood on her lips—with another gulp from her cup.
“Yeah, nice to meet you too. Bubaigawara talked about you a lot.”
Takami’s face and tone were unreadable, but Himiko had interpreted it as shyness or awkwardness.
“Aww, really? I’m flattered! He’s mentioned you too, definitely! World needs more nice, not-judgey people like you,” She hummed, finishing her glass and turning to Tenko. “Okie, last one for tonight.”
Tenko locked suspicious eyes with Takami for a moment as he watched him pour her a last glass.
“Honored by the high praise,” Takami cracked a lopsided, easygoing smile, returning his sights to Toga and watching Tenko’s hackles loosen. “Looking forward to knowing you better.”
“Me too! I trust Jin’s judge of character better than mine at this rate. My other ‘friends’ were no good…”
As Himiko began to gulp from her cup again and Takami was left to silently and seriously question those words, Touya piped up.
“Well, my name’s Touya. You want a drink too, Takami? We were about to decide which game would be the worst to play drunk together and then do that one.”
Caught off guard, this got a laugh out of Takami, and he relented.
“Oh, so that’s the plan? Sure, hit me then.”
Though at the back of his mind, his wariness remained about a high school-looking girl being present and drinking with them. Jin mentioned hanging out at bars with her and that she had her hands full trying to deal with a difficult personal issue, but he never mentioned her age.
Maybe she was actually a young-looking adult? She didn’t quite talk like it though. What kind of people were these, actually?
They ended up playing Jenga, Tenko particularly having the worst losing streak that night being the one to most frequently collapse the towers. And while casual on the outside, Takami observed the dynamic and conversations carefully, looking for signs of anything bad or off. It really just hit him strangely to see a teenager drinking, if that’s what she was.
After the games finally began to wind down and Tenko lost interest in building his losing streak for the night, calling it in to go play more mobile games alone in his room before going to bed, Touya and Jin went over in the kitchen still mostly in earshot fixing up some fried snacks. Takami took that as his chance to sus out what exactly was the deal here.
“So, Toga, what’s your occupation?”
“Aw, doesn’t matter anymore,” Himiko hummed, rifling through her duffel bag. “I’m dropping out of high school, so that’ll be all behind me soon enough. I have to focus on my health now.”
She pulled out some suppressants and held the bottle there in her lap, staring very sadly at it.
So she was just a kid. Takami’s voice got a little quiet.
“What do you mean by that?”
“Mm. It’s kinda personal, if you don’t mind. But I think I’m going to be crashing here while I figure it out since I certainly couldn’t stay on campus for sure.”
“Oh, shit, yeah, sorry, forgot to ask Tenko again if you could stay over like, more seriously,” Jin chimed in as he and Touya returned with some bowls of nuts, gummies, and a plate of fried squid bits. Himiko immediately reached for the gummies to stuff some in her mouth, stalling when she’d have to take her suppressants.
“It’s okay, Jin, it’s really my question to ask him anyway. And I was kinda considering though if it’d be safest to stay at some sort of cheap hotel, actually. There any good ones you guys know around?”
“Honestly, not really, but there’s a super cheap, comfy love hotel a couple of blocks away!” Jin-Jin suggested, “Could probably sneak you in and leave you there for the time being while you sort yourself out!”
Jin clapped a hand over his mouth.
“Oh god, you don’t mean that one with the broken neon sign, do you?” Touya sighed, and looked at Takami with withering eyes, catching the judgment in them. “We’re not putting her in a love hotel.”
“Don’t say that, Touya! Better that than a net cafe or some other place farther away from us!” Jin-Jin resisted, with Jin snapping, “Idiot, shut up!”
Himiko shook her head, “I might need to though, Touya. I’m not sure how I’ll manage myself when the alcohol wears off…”
“Manage yourself?” Touya asked questioningly.
“Oh, right, I didn’t tell you yet,” Himiko sighed, glanced at Takami, and said, “Maybe another time.”
“Worse comes to worse, if you wanna sleep over tonight, I could tie you up maybe,” Jin-Jin supplied, leading Jin to slap himself across the face. “Shut up, Jin-Jin, that’s a horrible idea!”
“Hey, no, wait, that might not be a bad idea, actually!” Himiko spent a moment thinking it over seriously, jarred from thought by the sound of her phone buzzing in her duffel bag. She groaned, “Ugh, my ex-roommate’s texting me again probably.”
“Just forget about her right now, it’s okay,” Jin reassured. “Living on your own terms, remember? You don’t owe her anything. We’ll figure something out.”
“You’re right. Thanks for the reminder, Jin,” Himiko stood up. “Okay, I gotta go pee. You guys let me know if you have any other ideas when I’m back.”
After Himiko left, Takami blew out a sigh, “Alright, Bubaigawara, be real. Exactly how the hell do you know this kid?”
“She used to be our downstairs neighbor before her parents moved her into her high school’s dorm,” Jin explained sheepishly, knowing exactly what Takami was thinking of him now. “Look, I know it all sounds really bad, but please believe me, it honestly isn’t like what you might think. She’s just. Really troubled, and we happen to be the most comfortable adults she can turn to.”
“Right. So if we’re being adult friends here then, shouldn’t you as her friend be telling her to go crash with her parents if this medical issue is so bad she can’t sleep at school?”
“Unfortunately, that’s just not an option for her.”
Touya backed him up, “You know, Takami, not everyone comes from a kind family, so maybe mind your own business.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not from the nicest one myself either,” Takami couldn’t help but raise his voice a little, “but I don’t think good adult friends with no ill intentions would booze up a sad teen girl in her time of need! And you’re the ones bringing me into this, so—”
Himiko’s phone buzzed inside her bag again. And, much to the surprise of both Touya and Jin, Takami actually opened the bag and took it out. He was grateful to find it wasn’t locked.
>>hey, toga, are you at your friends’ place right now?
>>i’m so sorry, i have so much I need to explain, please please let me
“What the fuck are you doing?” Jin gasped as Takami began texting back.
<<yes
“Telling this kid’s roommate where she is! She may trust you all, but what I’m seeing tonight doesn’t make me feel like she’s in good hands!”
Before Takami could hit send, Jin tackled him, knocking it out of his hands. Touya, blocked by couch, tried to go around it so he could break them up.
“You jerk, I told you it’s not like that! I thought I could trust you!”
“Get off me!”
“That’s not your phone, put it back!”
Takami struggled against him and shoved him off to the side, managing to get the phone and hit send, unaware of what he’d just done to Jin until he heard a sudden, sharp shout of pain.
There was a flash of red when Takami whirled to look at Jin, whose forehead was now bleeding against the corner of the coffee table. Instant regret dropped in his stomach when he saw him flop down onto the floor.
“No,” Takami put the phone down and tried to reach back for him. “Hey, Bubai—”
Touya just a second too late now, yanked Takami by the back of his collar up to his feet.
“Fuck you!” He snarled.
Just then, Himiko came back from the bathroom and gasped at the sight of Jin on the ground, bleeding from his head. She rushed to his side.
“Jin?! Jin, are you okay?” Himiko shook him, voice fast and choked with terror when she found him unresponsive. “Touya, what happened? He’s not conscious!”
A sleepy Mag and perturbed Tenko also emerged from the room then too.
“What’s all the noise about out here?” Mag mumbled, rubbing her eyes.
“This asshole hurt Jin, call an ambulance!” Touya just about yelled.
Immediately woken up by the situation at hand, Mag didn’t hesitate to go find her phone to do just that. Meanwhile, Himiko noticed her phone on the coffee table open to Ochako’s texts, and she blanched when she saw what someone had responded on it.
Ochako texted back just then and there.
>>okay, i’m coming over, please wait for me
Her heart leapt into her throat a moment.
“Who touched my phone?” She looked up from Jin and locked eyes with a very guilty Takami then and there and felt her heart crumple away inside her chest.
“I’m sorry,” was all Takami could get out weakly. “But you shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t be drinking. These people aren’t safe.”
She looked down at Jin again, and the entire room felt like it was spinning. That someone could so easily come in and make everything collapse… even here of all places didn’t feel safe anymore.
“Shut the hell up, bastard.” Touya hissed, then turned to Himiko. “Toga, it’s okay, just relax,” He tried to reassure. “I don’t know what your deal is, but it’s nobody’s business but yours, and we’re here to help you with whatever you need. We’re gonna get Jin an ambulance and figure out where you can stay, alright?”
The words didn’t help much, but she heard them.
“Well, I certainly can’t stay here anymore now that Ochako’s on her way!” Himiko said, a sounding still a little panicked. “I don’t want to see her!”
“Toga,” Takami persisted, “do you have any other family you can be staying with?”
“I said shut it, damn you!”
Himiko ignored Takami and trying to regather her bearings, asked, “Actually, Touya… do you know a good net cafe I could crash at tonight? Ones with lockable rooms?”
“With lockable rooms? God, I wish I did,” Touya sighed. “Shit. Unfortunately, I think we really are gonna have to go with the love hotel then. I sure as hell am not tying you up. There’s one that doesn’t have the age restriction, and it’s closer than the one Jin was talking about. I’ll give you the address.”
Touya let go of Takami at last, with the threat that if he mentioned anything to anyone about them giving Himiko alcohol, they’d retaliate by telling the medical staff that he physically assaulted Jin. With that understanding established between them, Touya cut him loose and texted Himiko an address.
He walked her to the door, discretely slipping her a pocket knife to protect herself if she needed it, and she was gone before the ambulance could arrive.
She cast a final look behind her with tears in her eyes before running away from the only place that truly felt like home, now ruined by some asshole trying to play hero.
Ochako arrived before the ambulance finally did, but just a moment too late to see Himiko. It was fate that Takami was on his way out of the apartment building when she arrived, and noticing her age, he let her in.
“Are you Toga’s roommate?”
“Yes! Thanks for letting me in, do you know her?”
“Yeah, I… I’m actually the one who texted you on her phone. I’m sorry.”
“Huh? Where is she now then?”
“The most I know is she already left for some love hotel without an age restriction. It’s somewhere nearby, but I don’t know where exactly. You’re gonna have to beg her other friends if you want any leads.”
Ochako nodded, “Okay. Well, thank you! I have to find her!”
“Good luck.”
Ochako found her way up to the apartment, knocking on the door and receiving an instant answer from Tenko, who stared blankly a second, before furrowing his brows.
“Beat it, brat.”
Before he could slam the door shut, Ochako pushed back against it to keep it from closing.
“Wait, please! I need to talk to her, there’s so much I need to explain—”
“Well, she’s not here anymore,” Touya said from inside, coming up behind Tenko to look at Ochako. “And she specifically said she doesn’t want to talk to you.”
Ochako shook her head, fighting back tears, though they trembled in her voice.
“I know I did wrong by her! But I want to make things right because that’s what she deserves!” Desperation lined her voice, her words rapid for fear of falling unheard, “So, please, I’m begging you, tell me where she went! After all she’s done for me, I can’t let her run away believing anything awful about herself because of me!”
Touya spat, “Should’ve thought of that before hurting her then. Get lost!”
And with a sudden shove, they caught Ochako off guard and managed to shut her out.
There was a moment she spent crying there, on her knees before the door, feeling like her heart was falling through the ground. This couldn’t be how it ended between them. She had to at least explain herself for running away, so that Himiko could understand what she was truly feeling then.
Himiko needed to know how much Ochako actually wanted her, without fear.
Gathering her strength, she was determined to look for her based on what little she knew, and made her way out into the city, looking up the locations of the cheapest hotels in the area on her phone. She considered that the love hotel she was at might not be advertised as such, especially because it didn’t have the age restriction, and she narrowed it down to a few places based on that.
Before she could head to one, a miracle descended upon her then.
>>this is mag
>>I don’t think she should be staying alone at a love hotel either
>>in fact, nobody here actually wants her to be there
>>but there’s no way we could have talked her out of it with how she was
>>and I know she won’t like it, but maybe you can
As Mag further narrowed down her list to two possible hotels, Ochako gave a sob of relief and thanked her, making her way to the first one as fast as she possibly could.
Thankfully, she picked the right one to start with, because just two blocks before getting there, she saw Himiko walking alone into an alley towards it. It began to rain as Ochako barreled full speed ahead towards her.
By the time Himiko noticed she was being followed, it was too late to run and hide.
Ochako called out, “Toga—”
“Stay back!” Himiko cried out, pulling out the pocket knife. For a moment, Ochako froze, seeing the metal glinting under the streetlight.
But then she saw the tears glistening in Himiko’s eyes, and her heart clenched, suddenly taken back to that cold night she first found the alpha curled in her dorm room sheets. Any ounce of apprehension melted into nothingness, and gave way to determination.
It was her turn to give Himiko her all.
Notes:
I think you guys will probably really like next chapter and I’m uploading it next weekend, prommy 😊
Also, it's probably becoming obvious that I'm only catching up with the anime just now ksjfdhgk. To be so for real, I am on Season 7 but I still haven't finished it yet because I'm still watching it with my brother, and we are almost to the episode with the actual Togachako fight.
Alrighty, anyway, peace and love! Until next time which will be sooner and not in a month or longer this time!
-Reddie
Chapter 12: Be Honest
Notes:
Please mind the rating and tags, enjoy ❤️
-Reddie
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Truthfully, Himiko was conflicted seeing Ochako.
Her broken heart seemed to betray her in the way it jumped into her throat at the sight of that sorry look on Ochako’s face, those determined eyes and that gentle voice, rain falling on her own cheeks like tears. The knife in her hand trembled as Ochako continued to step closer despite the threat.
“Easy, I’m not here to hurt you more, Toga…”
That voice with such kind words did things to Himiko, things she hated. She could feel the alcohol wearing off and smell Ochako’s blood from the bite she’d left on her lip. Her guts twisted anguished with guilty desire and a pride to resist her baser instincts, to protect her ego.
“What are you doing out here anyway?!”
“I had to find you and I got lucky!” Ochako answered, desperation underlying her even voice, “Toga, I know it must be getting old coming from me, but I’m beyond sorry for running away after we kissed! But I need you to understand how I actually feel, so please listen to me.”
Himiko scoffed. As if Himiko owed it to her to hear how Ochako felt in all of this! This beta thought she could just waltz back in whenever she wanted and sweettalk her way into getting Himiko do whatever she wanted her to?
This beta thought she could get away with treating her like this, after knowing what Himiko went through?
“You don’t need to say anything! You running away told me everything I need to know!” She choked out. “I don’t need you to tell me how disgusting and scary I am to my face! I don’t need yet another person to remind me that nobody is going to love me like this, so leave me alone already!”
Ochako shook her head, “Nothing you said is how I feel at all! So please, put the knife down. Let’s have a normal talk about what happened.”
Himiko was an alpha. She’d remind Ochako of her place in the order of things: beneath her.
Unhesitant, she leaned in and pressed the dull side of the knife to Ochako’s neck. She heard Ochako’s breath catch as she froze up again, and Himiko hesitated. Despite everything, she didn’t want to actually hurt Ochako, but…
“You and I both know damn well we can’t just have a ‘normal’ talk,” Toga almost sobbed out, “because my normal is disgusting!”
Ochako moved to grasp her arm to keep her from pressing any harder. Himiko felt her breath catch when she realized, even now, Ochako was avoiding touching her wrist…
“Toga, please, it doesn’t have to be like this. I know I don’t deserve to be heard out, but you deserve the truth of how I felt. Because I didn’t run away feeling scared of you, honest!”
Himiko inhaled sharply and gripped the knife in her hand tighter, trying to push back against Ochako.
“Enough. How about you listen first?” She explained, voice tight, “You know, when I bit Saitou, and the blood went gushing out everywhere? My dad said I should’ve been horrified. But, no. The truth is, I was so turned on I couldn’t even think straight! He almost died, and all I could think about was rutting against him. Can you tell me that honestly doesn’t disgust or scare you?”
She felt like crying with every word, head spinning as she struggled to stay in control, smelling Ochako’s lip bite as it radiated sickly sweet temptation like a heartbeat.
She would not be weak. She was an alpha, goddammit. She would be the one in control, and she wasn’t about to let some two-faced beta dictate to her how she should understand her reality!
Ochako gripped her arm tighter, “Toga…”
“How about now, Ochako?” She challenged. “Still trying to pretend you care? Still trying to pretend you aren’t scared of me?”
Himiko was accepting what she was, and what she would always be, to fake-nice people like Ochako. She flipped the knife around to press the blade to her neck, hoping that would be enough to scare the beta into actually backing off.
Instead, it just flipped a switch in Ochako.
“I’m not pretending!”
Suddenly, Ochako disarmed her, pinning her to the ground, both her arms pressed flush to the pavement, and the weight of their hips crushed together. Himiko swallowed, mortified at the vulnerability of the position, what Ochako might feel from her body.
“Get off me!” She screeched, trying hard to buck Ochako off her with little success. Ochako was heavier than her, more muscular in a way that felt intimidating to her inner alpha, but also way more horrifyingly arousing than she wished it was. And Ochako could feel it, the way her body was reacting. Himiko grit her teeth against the feeling of her fangs coming out.
Ochako only bore down harder and squeezed her thighs together around Himiko’s waist, seeming more determined than ever.
“I’m sorry, I know I ran, but I’m not making the mistake of letting you run too! If it’s finally my turn now, then let me tell you that I’ve been worried sick about you!” Ochako was firm, looming over her as she told Himiko everything, feeling her body trembling against her own. “Some stranger leaving your friends’ apartment told me you were going to a love hotel and I went on wild goose chase trying to track you down, and you know what actually scared me? The thought that something terrible would happen to you and you’d just disappear and I’d never see you again!”
She wasn’t sure if she felt rain or tears falling from Ochako’s cheeks onto her own. But when she listened to Ochako’s voice… it sounded like she was… crying.
Himiko turned her head aside, breaking her gaze. Wasn’t it all just sweettalk again? She wasn’t that easy. She wouldn’t be that easy…
“Oh yeah? And now? What’s scaring you now, Ochako?” Himiko spat weakly.
“The thought that you’ll never want to talk to me again after this,” Ochako admitted, voice tight, “Because despite everything, the truth is, I really like you, Toga! I want you! That’s what you need to understand!”
Himiko hissed, venom to her voice.
“Then why did you run away to Izuku’s room?”
“How did you—?”
“Ashido showed up this morning trying to return your notebook. I was surprised you didn’t go to her and Tsu’s room!” Himiko scoffed, tone mocking and bitter, “You really like me? You want me? Please! What kind of idiot do you think I am? I know how you feel for Deku! You expect me to believe you suddenly think I’m…”
Voice beginning to waver, Himiko stopped herself before she started crying, holding onto the last shred of her pride. That was the last thing she wanted to do underneath the girl that broke her heart.
Somehow, Ochako’s voice, gentle as ever, and her scent, overwhelming as always, seemed to curl around the pieces of her broken heart just so.
“I know it’s hard to believe after how I acted. But it wasn’t sudden for me at all. Think about how you’ve given me so much already, and you won’t be surprised that I want you as much as I do. And I was so scared that I was going to take advantage of you. So I needed to talk to someone who understood, since he can’t smell pheromones either. That’s why I ran to him, if you can believe me.”
Himiko reeled.
“Wha—take advantage of me? But I’m the alpha who kissed you out of nowhere!”
“Yeah? And I’m the beta who always has a clear head! The fact is, I’m never going to feel intoxicated by anybody’s pheromones, and I mourn that sometimes. You have no idea how badly I wish that I could smell you too! Feel the same way I make you feel…”
A long pause, and Himiko took that in, heart hurting as it began to dawn on her how different and broken Ochako must have felt if that was how she saw things…
“Ochako…” Himiko hated the way her heart softened at that, but couldn’t help as she slowly began to feel more disarmed, in spite of herself.
“You know, I heard one of my friends get worried about whether she actually liked someone, or if she just liked the way they smell. And I know what my smell does to you.” Ochako swallowed, and explained, “I didn’t want to get carried away and end up letting you do something you’d regret later. Kissing you felt so good, perfect even. Better than anything I’ve ever done before with another person, honestly. But it was like I… I couldn’t control myself. Like I was going to lose it. After all you’ve done for me, you deserve so much better than something impulsive… please, understand, Himiko…”
Himiko sobbed, no longer able to help the spill of her most vulnerable truths as they left her lips.
“If you hadn’t run away, there’s no way I would’ve ever regretted kissing you!” She cried out, wounded, “It felt like that for me too! And you made me feel like… it was actually possible for someone to love me. All of me. And then you ran! So you have some nerve saying you’re worried something bad would happen to me when you’re the one who hurt me the worst out of anyone else this year! And that’s saying something since Bakugo gave me a black eye! You kept promising you’d be better to me, only to keep breaking my heart again and again, and making me feel like nothing but an unlovable monster!”
Her inner alpha withered away under a deluge of tears mixed with rain, all the grief hiding under her harsh, resistant exterior rushing to the surface. She melted into the ground where she was pinned under Ochako’s weight, weeping openly and no longer caring about her pride, but feeling pathetic still for breaking.
With her aching heart exposed to the girl who broke it so thoroughly, she resigned herself to her fate, her judgment. What kind of beta could look at a weak, pathetic, emotional alpha, sobbing under her, and really say with her whole chest that this was the mate she wanted?
Ochako let go of her arms to frame them around Himiko’s body then, leaning down to hug her, to murmur those sweet, overused apologies in her ear.
“Himiko… I’m so, so sorry for making you feel all those horrible things.” Ochako sounded as pensive as she was penitent, voice heavy as she went on, “And I know me saying that over and over isn’t worth much anymore. And I can’t change that I hurt you. But I’m here now. I’m not running anymore. And… and I want to make it up to you, with whatever it takes, and love all of you. As hard as you’ll let me. So, please... if you’ll give me the chance to, I promise I will.”
Himiko felt her breath catch, and fought herself, biting out a harsh reply, continuing to struggle fruitlessly. Ochako held on.
“Yeah, right. If I forgive you again, how do I know you’re not just going to take this as a free pass to keep hurting me? To keep doing whatever you want? Since I’m always giving you a chance.”
Ochako shook her head.
“If I don’t keep this one promise, you can bleed me dry! Rip my throat out for all I care! And I’d tell everyone it was exactly what I asked for!" Himiko felt her throat close up as Ochako continued, words raw, arms squeezing tighter around her. "But… I know you’d never want to actually hurt me. You would’ve by now if you really did. You’re too nice, and nicer than I deserve at this rate, but still… please, I’m begging you. One last chance, and I won’t hurt you ever again.”
There was a long moment of silence, before Himiko couldn’t help but hiccup against her, arms feeling like dead weight against the ground, as she closed her eyes and let herself just be held in this dark alley under the rain. She felt Ochako move her arm under her head, to cushion it from the pavement.
A fresh surge of tears prickled in Himiko’s eyes. In this awful, imperfect, but breathtaking moment, it was such a clumsy attempt to treat her gently, after everything. But it was an attempt nonetheless, giving all she could give right then and there.
With that, Himiko decided.
“This is your absolute last chance then,” she replied quietly, voice tight, almost breaking. “Starting right now. Show me you mean it this time.”
Ochako shifted to hover her mouth above Himiko’s.
“Will this be okay then?” She whispered, breath tickling against Himiko’s lips.
And Himiko nodded, parting her lips in reception as Ochako closed the last of the distance between their mouths once more, once again.
Tasting the half-healed cut on Ochako’s lip, Himiko shivered, pure ecstasy rolling through her veins and curling in her chest. And Ochako let her, humming her own pleasure against her, opening her mouth to let Himiko in, to taste her in return. Ochako kissed Himiko like she was hungry for her, making Himiko’s head spin, frenzied, body alight and burning up.
And then Ochako bit Himiko’s lower lip, drawing blood and dispelling all doubt.
Himiko felt her heart leap into her throat as the taste of her own blood danced between their tongues. Her knees felt like jelly at the way it stung, and at the obscene little noise Ochako made as she licked over the little wound with such sincerity, such desire. Out of all the words spoken between them here and now, out of everything that Ochako had just said, this gesture spoke the loudest to Himiko’s heart.
And it stirred overwhelming in Himiko’s body, her inner alpha pushing her hands against Ochako’s frame, to grasp. Her sanity at the last second reeled her in to shove against her shoulders, to pause, fearful of herself.
“Okay, okay, stop,” Himiko panted, breathless. “I can feel myself going into rut, I-I…”
Ochako sat up and nodded, decisive.
“Don’t hold back. Let me take care of you this time.”
"I… okay!"
And she helped Himiko up, taking her hand as they hurried for shelter from the rain into the hotel.
Checking in felt awkward, but went smoothly: no questions asked, no faces seen. Ochako let Himiko pick the room, and insisted on paying even though Himiko had her own money set aside specifically for this. It was thankfully a very cheap place to stay, and at that moment, Ochako really didn’t care what dent in her monthly lunch allowance this would make. She’d make it work later. Right now, her alpha needed her.
They practically slammed the door shut behind them, Himiko’s need becoming overwhelming as she pinned Ochako against the door and kissed her again. Ochako shivered feeling Himiko’s body flush against hers, the alpha’s thigh pressed between her legs.
She resisted the urge to just let Himiko’s inner alpha lead and pushed against her firmly but gently, keeping her hands on her body the whole time. It was to signal that Ochako wasn’t going anywhere, just redirecting things.
“I-I’m sorry, I’m losing control,” Himiko panted, “I don’t actually want to hurt you, i-it’s…”
Ochako hummed at the feeling of Himiko unable to help herself from rubbing her body up against her own. She softly kissed her again and reassured.
“I know, you’re fine, I’ll take care of you. We’re doing this on the bed, okay?”
“Okay, be gentle and patient any other time, but right now, I need you, help.”
Himiko would’ve been embarrassed by how desperate she sounded, but she didn’t have time to dwell on that. Surprising her suddenly, Ochako wrapped her arms around her and lifted her up, carrying her to the bed and eagerly throwing her down onto it.
Her inner alpha was conflicted, rebelling sharply against submission, but also overwhelmingly into the idea of being overpowered by this cute beta who was stronger than her…
It didn’t take long until Ochako was on her again, kissing her and pressing her into the mattress. Himiko whimpered, going slack, melting as their mouths met again, tongues sliding against each other. Ochako licked boldly over her fangs, making Himiko whine as she withdrew again to speak.
“Tell me what you need from me,” Ochako panted.
“There’s cuffs in this room, right? I want you to cuff me, a-and,” Himiko blushed at all the things she was asking, “Gag me with something. A shirt. So I won’t bite you.”
“Got it.”
Ochako didn’t question any of it, and Himiko couldn’t help but be grateful, feeling like she was about to burst at the seams, a whisper away from ripping Ochako’s throat up with her fangs. It made her own throat close up in self-disgust. But there was a sense of relief and security that came with Ochako finding the cuffs and binding her wrists up to the rails of the headboard, while she straddled Himiko’s legs and pressed her lower half with her weight to the bed.
A new swirl of shame bunched up briefly in Himiko’s throat at how submissive she felt, gazing up at Ochako like a goddess of beauty, watching her take off her shirt and twisting it up. That moment, her own shirt felt restricting. And hazy in her desire, she barely put two and two together on what Ochako was doing.
“Wait, you’re not gonna use my shirt?” She hated how weak her voice came out, but her heart melted all the same at the soft smile on Ochako’s face.
“I figure this will feel better for you.”
And with that, Ochako bit her own lip to pick at the healing cut, letting it bleed a little, before kissing her rolled up shirt and placing it against Himiko’s lips.
Oh.
Himiko bit down and moaned around the makeshift gag, bucking up weakly at the taste and smell of Ochako’s blood in her mouth.
“Ochako…” She mewled, muffled.
“So you like this better than your own shirt then?”
Himiko nodded, “Mhm…”
Her beta leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead, making her whimper and squirm more.
“Good. Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you, Himiko. It’s my turn now…”
Himiko felt absolutely powerless as Ochako’s hands slowly wandered down her body, feeling the shape of her with a reverence she’d never experienced before. It was a strange feeling, the way Ochako squeezed and smoothed her hands so shyly, so delicately over her. She touched Himiko like she was a breakable treasure, in spite of everything.
It made her inner alpha both uneasy and soothed at the same time somehow. To be looked down upon, to be seen in a state so weak and unbecoming of an alpha like herself, but to also feel so cherished at her most vulnerable, felt like a foreign and impossible coexistence of emotions.
And as their lips met again, she realized, Ochako was giving her a space to lose control and lean into her deepest desires, while keeping her restrained in a way that felt reassuring rather oppressive. It didn’t make her feel rejected, but embraced, respected exactly the way she was.
It felt like home in a way Himiko never knew before until now.
Soon enough, Ochako was sliding down her skirt, and then her underwear. Himiko couldn’t help the way she jerked as Ochako took her in hand, keeping her firmly pressed down as she gripped her, holding still.
Ochako gave her a look, and Himiko pleaded, encouraging her, “Please...”
She didn’t need to ask twice. She squeezed her eyes shut and bit down hard on her gag as the world around her blurred into hot, white bliss under Ochako’s gentle touch, under Ochako’s crooned encouragements as she helped her through her rut.
“That’s it, so beautiful, so good for me…”
Himiko’s mind drew a blank in nothing but helpless pleasure and the sound of that sweet voice, those kind words, as Ochako brought her to release, over and over. It was as if the world around her disappeared for a very long moment, until her inner alpha had finally worn itself out, and there was nothing left in her to spend.
As she slowly caught her breath and eventually came back to herself, she found herself uncuffed, gag removed, wiped clean, and in Ochako’s arms, being held tenderly like an omega who’d just been scented and marked after mating. Her inner alpha protested weakly against the treatment, though this kind of gentle, vulnerable acceptance so long craved felt like finally receiving rain after drought in the desert.
The last grains of pride crumpling in her chest, Himiko couldn’t help but cry, feeling disappointed with herself. Ochako shifted a little, looking at her in concern. Himiko shook her head before Ochako could open her mouth.
“You didn’t get anything out of it,” Himiko explained meekly.
Ochako softened, “Oh, that’s it? Thank goodness, I thought I’d hurt you again. That’s the last thing I want.”
“Well, what about you though?” Himiko huffed, squirming in Ochako’s hold. But the beta just gave a soft, hummed laugh.
“Are you kidding? Don’t worry about that! Tonight’s about you, and I wanted to make it up to you after everything.”
“Oh, I see. So seeing me through my rut was just for making it up to me?” Himiko laughed a little sadly.
“Himiko, hey,” Ochako brought a hand up to Himiko’s cheek, looking her in the eyes with such love. “It was a little in the moment, but I took care of you because I wanted this too. Like I said, I always have a clear head. And you can’t help how your instincts make you feel, so I’m just hoping you won’t regret this later.”
“I won’t,” Himiko promised. “You did what I asked you to, and you helped me in the way I desperately needed then and there. I won’t hold that against you.”
Ochako sighed, “I’m glad. I keep thinking back on how you took care of me when I was sick. I was thinking how anyone would be so lucky to have such a doting alpha as their mate." She pushed a little strand of hair behind Himiko's ear. “Now I’m thinking I don’t want anyone else to have you as their mate.”
Himiko’s throat tightened around more tears, feeling stupid at the way the love welled up in her chest at those words, heart aching.
“You can’t actually mean that.”
Ochako shook her head, pressing her forehead to Himiko’s.
“I do mean it. To be really honest, it feels selfish after everything I’ve put you through, but I want you all to myself. And I want to prove myself to you. To prove my love, if you’ll let me.”
There was a long pause, as Ochako gently wiped away her alpha's quiet, choked up tears.
“I don’t wanna be anyone’s consolation prize,” Himiko murmured, “So if you’re just trying me on, please. Just tell me honestly right now so I don’t get my hopes up.”
“No,” Ochako kissed her forehead. “You have every right to think that, but I promise that’s not it at all. Talking to Deku and seeing Bakugo show up for him made it really clear to me. I realized, I want to give my heart to you and nobody else. And I get that I can’t fix the hurt I’ve caused you overnight. But if you’ll give me time, I’m determined to win your trust. I wanna make you all mine, alpha. Whatever it takes.”
Reality of the recent past settled back in a bit, memories of hurt and pain, still fresh enough to bring more tears to her eyes. How many times now had Ochako spoken so sweetly, and promised to take better care of her, only to follow up by letting her down?
But then, she thought of the hand on her cheek now, the thumb still brushing away her tears, with a touch so gentle, more reverent than anyone who’d ever handled her before. Ochako held her like she adored her, not just like she desired her body.
Though the doubts remained, and reasonably so, hope burned brighter, even if it felt naïve to believe in. Because after everything, of course Himiko wanted to believe that even big, ugly past mistakes didn’t have to mean no second chances at love.
If Ochako would truly fight to prove her word this time, then Himiko would to give her the chance to try again. Wrapped in the safety of her scent, just like she was that first fateful night she was found in her bed, Himiko still wanted her. She wanted to believe in Ochako.
Himiko’s love wouldn’t demand perfection, because the past couldn’t be undone. But the future could still be a different story.
“Hold me like this, and don’t let me go this time.”
Wordlessly, Ochako curled around her a little tighter. And eventually, they fell asleep together just like that.
Notes:
Folks, regrettably, the next chapter is not done yet, but I will keep you posted as best as possible! ;w;
You can see the status of what chapter or fic I'm working on here on my strawpage.
May potentially take a little reprieve to work on a darker, anonymous piece for another fandom though. Peace and love, until next time!
-Reddie
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