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Today started off well with Tim kissing him goodbye before kicking Jay closer to Kon, filling the spot he left open on the bed. Jason, heavy sleeper that he was, gave a grunt but accepted Kon’s cuddles as was his due, leaving Kon to drift off to sleep with Jay’s satisfying weight against his chest. The morning only got better as Kon was fully awoken by Jason sucking him off, waking right before his orgasm fully hit and leaving him in a sleepy daze. After a satisfying breakfast coupled with a mutual jerk session at the kitchen counter, Kon had kissed Jay goodbye at the door before heading back inside to do the dishes. However, his day took a sharp left turn when the door buzzed before he’d even walked halfway to the kitchen.
Making his way back to the entryway and opening the door, Kon blinked when he saw Stephanie at the door.
Not waiting a single moment, Stephanie cried out “Kon, are you seriously doing this right now?”
“Uh, what?” Kon replied, puzzled.
“I can’t believe you, kissing and doing God knows what with Jason at Tim’s place while he’s away at work! What kind of balls do you Kryptonians have??” Saying this, Stephanie stormed in, forcing Kon to slowly step back and out of the way to avoid Stephanie bulldozing her way right into his chest.
“I’m not sure how to answer that when we’re not in a relationship and I have no plans of asking you to join mine.” Kon slowly replied.
“Is that what this is? Does Tim know about this??” Stephanie didn’t pause, heading straight to the fish tank leading to Tim’s Nest, forcing Kon to close the door and re-engage the security protocols behind her before following.
“I mean, I sure hope he knows. You know, what with…” Kon was interrupted by a left hook flying out of nowhere, complete with kryptonite brass knuckles. Distracted by the thought that Stephanie knew her way around Tim’s armory well enough to head straight for the kryptonite, he didn’t have time to think about why she might be attacking him in the first place before he was subdued on the ground with cuffs holding his hands behind his back. He’d be impressed by it if he hadn’t been in the process of waking up after a wonderful night and morning spent with Tim and Jason in the same bed.
Stephanie apparently knew this, too, since she immediately turned away and started rummaging in the quick-fix box by the closest worktable, pulling out some carbon fiber rope and red spray paint before moving away. The mutters hadn’t stopped, yet nothing that came out of her mouth seemed to be worded as full sentences either way.
Kon wasn’t in the habit of fighting his boyfriends’ pseudo-family or exes, even the ones that overlap both categories, and it was too early for this anyway, so he just watched Stephanie make a mess of the Nest in her search for something. If Tim wanted to make a fuss, however unlikely that would be, he could take it up with Stephanie.
Making her way back to where Kon lay sprawled on the floor, Stephanie said, “You know what this calls for, Kon? A modern take on the old scarlet letter.”
Blinking hard, thinking he might still be dreaming, Kon repeated “What.”
“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about here, clone boy. You know what you did.” Stephanie accused.
Slowing his speech once more, Kon enunciated in the hope that the pace will finally deliver his words to the crazy lady in front of him: “You know, I’m not sure I do.”
“You know what, it’s pointless to argue with you, say your prayers.” With that said, Stephanie hoisted Kon in a fireman's carry, moving the super to the elevator. Kon just went with it, knowing from stories Tim had told that when Stephanie got something in her mind, she wouldn’t let it go without good proof to the contrary, and honestly, he might as well just let it happen. Not like he had had any plans for the day, even though the kryptonite was a tad bit concerning.
Stepping out from the disguised elevator entrance that looked more like a maintenance shed from the outside, Stephanie didn’t waste any effort keeping Kon’s head and limbs from hitting the doorjamb on the way out. Rude of her, but whatever, Kon thought.
A silent Steph was apparently a violent Steph, since she dumped Kon on his ass like it wasn’t prime real estate, certified by both Tim and Jason.
The silent treatment continued as Stephanie took out the rope and looped it around his biceps and through hidden rungs anchored to the industrial roof at a distance not unlike the handspan of his smaller boyfriend. Distracted by thoughts of Tim using these rungs for something a bit less tame than whatever Steph had planned (Kon really, really, hoped, at least), he didn’t realize that Steph had used his distraction to tag Tim’s roof using the red spray paint. He was only brought back to reality when the acrid smell of the paint became overwhelming as Steph used the last of the can to write across the chest of his white-no-longer t-shirt.
“Cheating bastard.” Steph spat the word out, spinning on her heel without waiting for a response.
Kon watched her go for a bit before looking down, correcting his last thought: Shit, Jay was gonna be pissed, now that one of his only white tees now has ‘cheater’ written across the front of it. He resolved to replace it before Jay noticed, as an uphappy Jay meant no more wake-up blowjobs for the foreseeable future, and that was not something he’d wish on anyone, even Tim when he stole the last of the hot water in the shower.
Wriggling around and using the slight give of the ropes and the awkwardness of the distance between each rung to his advantage, he managed to pull his phone from the front pocket of his pajamas, hitting Tim’s designated speed dial from muscle memory and struggling a bit more before he got the speakerphone up and running.
Once the dial sound gave way to the hum of Tim’s office, Kon began without waiting for a greeting: “So, Tim, I just had the weirdest conversation with Steph. Did you forget to tell her that we’re dating more than one person?”
“….I told her I’m dating more than one person, but I didn’t tell her who, and I’m not sure if I phrased it like we were both dating the same person. Why?” Tim answered.
Conversationally, Kon continued, “She accused me of cheating on you with Jason and left me tied up on the roof of your Nest with kryptonite cuffs. She also spray painted ‘cheater’ in a ring around me and on Jay’s shirt…are you sure she’s over you?”
Distracted, Tim responded, “Uh, yeah, she’s definitely moved on, but she’s still a bit hotheaded when it comes to what she thinks are bad relationship dynamics.” A slight pause follows that answer, then: “Ah, that would explain the text I just got from her…Let me call you back, I gotta go save Jay before she gets to him.”
Click.
“…Seriously?” Kon lamented. “Right, just leave the guy powerless on a roof in the center of Crime Alley, why don’t you. I’m sure this won’t go wrong at all.”
__
A few hours later, after Tim was waylaid by Stephanie in his search for Jason, having convinced her to drop her accusations for now and having retrieved Jay and returned to the apartment, they lay cuddled against one another in a heap on the living room floor. Surrounding the three was a misshapen pillow fort: the best place to have a destress sesh, if Kon did say so himself.
After a while spent running his hands through Tim’s hair while Jason kneaded Kon’s sides in a soothing rhythm, Kon asked Tim, “How did she even know you had tie anchors up there?”
Tim mumbled in return, “…I don’t want to talk about it.”
Jason had no sympathy for their third, apparently, as he actually answered Kon’s question with a smirk pressed into the back of Kon’s neck, “She caught him with his pants down with Bernard up there back when they were dating. Hasn’t been down to try anything up there with me since I learned about that.”
“Jay!” Tim exclaimed.
“…Okay, I do not need the details, but I think you should talk to Steph about arriving unannounced so often.” Kon said.
__
Kon saw Jason enter the house from the corner of his eye and slow down as he caught sight of Kon hanging half off the couch. That just made Kon slouch harder upside down towards the floor to avoid any further chance of eye contact, kicking Tim in the side when he snorted.
“Cass, this time?” Jason queried.
Tim corrected him, “No, Barbara. Cass let him out.”
“Ah.”
__
“Calling all boyfriends.” Kon singsonged into the speaker, assured both of his boyfriends were on the line. He’d made sure to program a shortcut key to get ahold of both at once earlier this week for just this eventuality. Getting tied up or creatively trapped so his boyfriends could “discover” his “two-timing” (Dick’s words this time) by various members of the bats was becoming rote by now.
“Again?” Tim asked.
“Yes, again, it’s like none of you bats communicate.” Kon sassed back.
“Give me fifteen and I’ll reach your location.” Jason promised. “I’m wrapping up something down by the arcade on 16th.”
“Do you want me to tell them off in the group chat? I can do that right now, or I can do it in person the next time I go to the manor for dinner.” Tim offered.
“No, no, this is funny at this point, let’s just let it happen.” Kon replied nonchalantly, relaxing against the streetlamp he was strapped to. Somehow, being tied up on a generic Gotham street felt safer than the warehouse alternative Dick had threatened him with, so he was chillin’.
“Fine, but I’m giving you a com to let us know when this happens again, before they tie you up or lock you away.” Tim affirmed. “None of them are the type to give up easily, and next time, com us before they bring out the kryptonite, okay?”
“Okay, mom.” Kon teased, Jason laughing in the background.
__
Kon wasn’t too worried when Clark showed up at the farm; after all, this was his childhood home and Jon was here visiting Ma and Pa with Kon too. What did worry him was seeing the frown lines on his forehead as he touched down in full regalia.
"Kon, can I have a word?" Clark said.
Things between them weren't that cut and dry these days, but Clark hadn't made a habit of asking for talks away from the family so that question was concerning. "Sure, just give me a second to wrap this up." After securing the bale of hay, Kon nodded upward, giving Clark the heads up he was ready to go somewhere small ears weren't strong enough to eavesdrop.
Without a word, Clark set off eastward, flying at a decent enough pace that the land was a blur below them and there was no easy way to hold a conversation. Curious, and somewhat cautious, Kon followed.
Slowly, it dawned on Kon that the path Clark chose was more than familiar. It was odd that Clark was taking them to Gotham of all places for a private chat, he mused. Although Kon had already gotten permission from Batman to enter the city as he pleased due to his connection to Tim, he was under no illusion that Batman didn't keep tabs on every entry and exit, and any family chats with Superman of all people in the city bounds weren't likely to stay private.
With all that said, surprisingly, Clark decided to go straight for the Batcave. Maybe this was a hero-related issue, not a family one, Kon thought hopefully.
Blasting through the waterfall and slowing sharply to a halt, Clark gestured to Kon to wait before moving further into the cave.
They weren’t waiting long before Alfred appeared, seemingly out of nowhere with a heavy frown on his face. Oddly enough, the butler focused solely on Clark while approaching. In the rare few times Tim had taken Kon to the Manor, the butler had always made eye contact and greeted all visitors with the same aplomb. The cold shoulder was worrisome and did not bode well for what was waiting for Kon further inside the glorified underground mancave.
Nodding to Superman, Alfred gestured deeper into the cave as he said, “Master Clark, this way, if you please.”, turning away from the two supers at a nod from Clark.
Clark moved to follow without a word, not acknowledging Kon any more than Alfred had. Warily, Kon followed the two, coming abreast of Clark as they reached a meeting area mostly used for debriefs, from what Tim and Jason had told him before.
They weren't alone, either.
Arrayed around the table were most of the bat crew, ranging from slightly friendlier faces like Cass and Duke to the indifferent face of Damian to the near thunderous faces of Dick and Bruce. Steph, at the far end, looked ready to break out the kryptonite again. Kate was missing, and Barbara was likely here virtually, but it looked like everyone else aside from his notably absent boyfriends were here.
This…would be a good time to use that com, Kon thought, pressing the patch against the back of his ear.
Bracing himself, Kon took a deep breath before speaking: “Well, this isn’t exactly the roll call for the family chat I was expecting, Clark, when you asked to talk.” Kon drawled. “What, did you send out the bat signal to get everyone here on time?”
“No, but I sent out the call after you got out of my last trap.” Barbara’s angry, unmodified voice rang out from the Batcomputer. “It’s time someone talked to you about two-timing Tim with a family member.”
“It’s about time someone else believed me,” Steph piped up, “Tim wouldn’t hear of it when I brought up finding you and Jason in the Nest, so it’s high time we handle this ourselves.”
Kon slouched against the nearest supporting beam, drawing out his words as he replied, “Oh, so the whole family came out to give me the talk, and enlisted Superman over here to bring me to the meeting. And where are Tim and Jason, then? They’re the so-called injured parties here.”
Meanwhile in the background, Tim said, “Oh god, all of them?”, horrified.
“Oh, it’s time, project ‘Burn Bruce’s Eyes from his Skull’ is a go!” Jason gleefully said. “Let’s go, dumbass, time to use that nitro canister on my bike.”
“That’s not even…” Tim argued, Kon turning off his com midway through the statement, using a hair ruffle to disguise the movement, praying Clark hadn’t caught the gist of their conversation. Tuning back into the club meeting posing as an intervention, Kon focused on the Big Bat himself, still a quietly furious presence at the head of the table.
“Jason and Tim don’t need to be here for us to deal with this matter.” Bruce calmly stated, all the more ominous for it.
“Yeah? And how are you planning on ‘dealing’ with it, Mr. ‘I’ve never had a long-term relationship in my life’?” Kon archly said.
Snorting, Harper mumbled, “Burn.” from the farthest corner. From the tightening around Bruce’s lips, he had heard it as well.
Stepping in to mediate, Clark gently intercedes, “Now, this isn’t the time for personal attacks or schoolyard slang. We’re here to intervene in a tough situation here for the betterment of all involved parties.”
Scoffing, Kon tilts his head to the side as he said, “Like what? Are you trying to bring us all to religion, Jehovah’s Witness style? Trying to get in Bruce’s pants again? Not the time for personal attacks, my ass. Spell it out for me.”
“We are here,” Clark firmly clarified, “to intervene in your relationship with Tim and your involvement with Jason. The hiding and thrill-seeking you are engaging in behind Tim’s back are unacceptable and we are here to get that through to you.”
In disbelief, Kon asked the room at large, "Why is Clark even here? I’m not even sure when the last time he spoke to Jason, and the last time he spoke to Tim he did it with a grimace on his face. Did he raise me? Did he really try? I don't think so. So why is he here demonizing my relationship with Tim and Jason?”
“Relationship?” Dick derided, “More like dipping too far into the bat pie, here. Who’s next? Cass?”
“Unfair.” Cass interjected.
“Cass, I love you and I enjoyed our time together, but since the room needs it spelled out for them,” Kon paused here to dart a glare at Dick, “I am already taken and in a happy, fulfilling relationship.”
Clark interjected before the rest of the bats imploded from Kon’s last statement, likely seeing how red in the face Dick had gotten. "I'm here because what you're doing is unacceptable, and if it takes me being here to get through to you, I will be here."
"Sick, just like the old days. One wrong word away from blaming this on my 'nature' as a clone with Luthor genes, am I right?" Kon viciously joked.
Bruce redirected the conversation back to the matter at hand: “Putting aside your past grievances with Clark, we are here to prevent your choices from hurting our own.”
“Tim and Jason deserve better than two-timing.” Dick affirmed.
“Debatable” Damian scoffed.
Nudging him, Duke said, “Not cool, little dude.”
Sending a chiding glance towards Duke and Damian’s side of the table, Bruce continued, “Using Tim’s resources and space without approval to have an affair with Jason is not acceptable. It appears our previous attempts to uncover your actions and allow Tim to break things off with you on his own terms have been unsuccessful, therefore we have brought you here to hear what you have to say, deliberate on your responses to our questions, and decide on a suitable course of action.”
“Ah, the old wine and dine, except it’s interrogation and interpolation. No wonder Jason still hasn’t warmed back up to you lot.” Kon said sarcastically.
Barbara hotly interrupted, “Jason is still re-integrating with our group, and you are putting that in danger. Come clean, break ties with Tim and Jason, and leave us be. You might as well go back to Honolulu while you’re at it.”
Ignoring her, Kon added, “And it’s a surprise Tim even bothers coming back here with how little trust you have in him.”
“We want better for Tim than you can give him, and if he won’t see it, we’ll make you see it instead.” Dick hissed.
Kon raised his eyebrow while he said, “Oh, I am so telling him you said that.”
Duke leaned a bit further to the side, blocking Dick from a smooth leap across the table at Kon. Damian, now unrestrained, scooted his chair away from the table while shaking his head, muttering “Pointless.” under his breath, barely audible over the sounds of the bats rustling around the ceiling above them.
Perhaps seeing the rising tensions, Alfred stepped forward, cleared his throat to draw all eyes to him, then said “Perhaps it is time I step in.”
Waiting until Dick sat back down in his seat, Alfred crisply continued, “This house and its people hold a special place in my heart and seeing them treated ill hurts my very soul. I will not tolerate you or your family treating any of my sons or grandsons as you have. Therefore, with a heavy heart, I have no choice in this matter.” Pausing for a moment longer—And really, is this where all bats learned their theatric timing? Kon thought—Alfred bent down beside Bruce and pulled out a shotgun, unleashing pandemonium around the table once more.
Honestly, going by sheer impact factor and how much presence he commanded, Alfred with a gun was more intimidating than anyone else in the room, including Superman and the Bat. Surreptitiously reaching up to his ear again, Kon pressed on his mic and hissed as quietly as he dared, “Now would be a very good time for a save, guys.”
“Protecting my grandsons from unnecessary pain is paramount. Therefore, you have two options: either end your involvement with them both tonight or I will end you with a custom kryptonite bullet.” Alfred cocked the gun, keeping the muzzle pointed down in Kon’s direction, arms ready to pull up and loose the shot if Kon moved a single muscle. “I for one don’t care which option you decide.”
“You know, the funny thing is…” Kon nervously drawled, tensing in preparation to throw himself behind Clark if that’s what it took, when suddenly there was a clang at the top of the cave in the direction of the main entrance. The bang from up above was followed by a very Tim-like snicker. The group’s focus thankfully broken by the noise, Kon took a step back and turned his body to the side to reduce any possible areas of impact, just in case. Distracted or not, Kon froze when Alfred’s gun barrel merely followed the movement.
Jay was the first to come into view, weaving a bit right at the edge of the staircase leading down to the main level of the cave. Tim was hidden by his bulk, recklessly dipping Jason backwards to reach his lips more easily. It wasn’t immediately apparent, but Kon could tell from experience that Jason had goaded Tim into taking control of their kiss, evidently decided to fuck any conversation and let the bats figure out their relationship themselves. Brave of them, sure, maybe a bit optimistic since the bats hadn’t deduced they were in a committed triad relationship from context yet, and hot, definitely hot, couldn’t forget that; but really, this wasn’t exactly the best time to shock an old man into shooting their third.
Stumbling further into the cave, Tim and Jason remained locked together in an embrace. The height difference was great enough that every step down the stairs they took was a risk, Tim and Jason taking turns stumbling down to the next step while the other reached out to grab the railing to steady them.
It was hilarious, Kon thought, how much of a show they were putting on for their audience
Deafening silence was broken as protests rang out, ranging from: “Oh god, my eyes.” from Duke; “So this occasion could have been avoided entirely? Useless.” from Damian; to the sharply horrified “Boys!” that escaped Bruce’s mouth.
Cutting through the noise, Alfred broke through the din once more to say: “My word, when did this happen?”
Pulling back slowly, eyes fluttering the slightest bit as he collected himself, Tim apologetically responded to Alfred: “In our defense, we were left unsupervised.”
Jason straightened his posture to make eye contact with Alfred, stating semi-seriously: “We’ve lost count of the months, at this point, Alf.” Turning to the main table, Jason derided, “There’s no defense available for any of you, though. What the fuck kind of detectives are you? Not even a single hint that Tim and I are bumping nasties, preferably when Kon’s around too?”
Seemingly at a loss for words, Bruce was slumped back in his chair, staring holes at the places where Tim and Jason touched.
An awkward silence fell over the group, broken by an emphatic “What the fuck.” from Harper, stated with every ounce of pithiness she seemingly could. “Like, not that I care, but why are we even here if all three of you are fucking?”
“At this point, are any of us surprised? Drake and Todd clearly have the same poor taste; there’s no use trying to change something that’s already broken.” Damian scathingly states. In the background, Dicks pain was palatable as he called Damian’s name in a worthless chide. Talk about beating a dead horse.
A few forgotten steps away, Clark breathlessly let out a single “What.” just as Jason reached out his hand in Kon’s direction. Following the unspoken queue, Kon moves to his boyfriends’ sides, moving behind them to hook his chin over Jason’s shoulder before resting his hands on both of their sides. The bats had a way of making even the most invulnerable feel vulnerable, so Kon was glad he had his emotional support bats as a barrier between him and the rest. Still, he was only willing to use his boyfriends as a physical barrier because Alfred had finally lowered his shotgun and put the safety back on now that the proverbial cat was out of the bag.
Tim took the plunge, stating: “You all look like you’ve gotten it, but just to be clear, I am in a relationship with Kon and Jason. Jason is in a relationship with me and Kon. We’re all together in a closed triad. Do you believe me now that you don’t have to worry about the transparency of my relationship?”, throwing one last glance in Stephanie’s direction at the end.
“I’m.” Stephanie stopped right there, probably realizing how deep a hole she’d dug herself by not listening.
“Alfie, thanks for showing you care, but I don’t need to spend tonight plucking kryptonite shrapnel from my partner here, okay? Save it for Righteous-for-the-Wrong-Reasons in red, blue, and yellow over there, time to pack it up.” Jason gently stated.
Alfred fumbled infinitesimally while removing the ammo from the chamber but did as requested and pocketed the kryptonite for later storage. Bruce was still catatonic, going by how he failed to comment on the shotgun previously hidden under his meeting table.
Oh great, the silence was deafening again, where were the crickets to lighten the mood when you needed them? Kon thought. After a few seconds more of idly gazing at the stumped group in front of him, Kon finally reached impatience now that the danger was truly averted and directed his next words at his partners: “And as much as I loved this entire talk, I’d much rather be getting funky with these two at home. Ready to go home?”
“Yeah, okay, babe.” Jason said while Tim agreed: “Sure, let’s go.”
Turning around, Kon squeezes between his boyfriends to keep them between him and any possible batribution, already thinking about ways he can thank the two for the last-minute rescue.
Jay threw one last comment over his shoulder as they left the group in shambles behind them: “Nice messing with you, Bruce, see you never.”
Time to go home.