Chapter Text
As your consciousness drifts, you idly contemplate the connection between mind and body. You feel as though you are real, but you do not have a body to speak of; at least, not one you are aware of yet. You are merely floating, reeling in this forgotten space between reality and fantasy. They said you’d cease to exist... is that what’s happening? Is this what it feels like? Almost like being submerged in murky water — and with a mysterious pressure building up behind you.
Maybe you’re not even human anymore… you’re a small puff of smoke, dissipating at an alarming rate. Memories and dreams swirl around you. You try to find something — anything — to hold on to, to take you from this cavern of weightlessness back to solidity. Your arm reaches out — but does it? Or is this your imagination? — and your fingers stretch — or, they seem to, although you cannot tell, since they may not be there to stretch at all — and you finally grasp hold of something that keeps you from slipping away.
Your friends.
They greet you with cheery smiles, reserved waves, slight nods. They move past you like shadows on a wall, gradually becoming larger. At first, you couldn’t remember their faces, or their names — but now, these details feel etched into your soul.
There was Teruteru and his... exuberant personality.
Togami, who willingly gave his life for you, and for everyone else.
Koizumi, who kept her friend’s happiness close to her heart.
Pekoyama, whose devotion never wavered.
Ibuki, with her unique personality (a treat for anyone who had the chance to know her).
Saionji, who ended up trying to change for the better.
Tsumiki, whose fleeting happiness warmed the souls around her.
Nidai with his overwhelming presence and supportive nature.
Tanaka, who proved far more caring than his demeanor suggested.
You remember them all. Everything about them. They’d given you something to look forward to, something to trust in — something you could believe in with your entire self.
You remember Owari, with her huge appetite and stunning appearance. You remember how she didn’t mince words, and got straight to the heart of the matter. How she fought the despair of the island, even when the others told her not to. How, in the end, she decided to keep fighting.
You remember Souda. His courage was lacking, but his passion was not. You remember how he pushed again and again for your friends to hold on to the goal of freedom. How his faith in his friends made him brave, when it really counted.
You remember Sonia. She may have seemed dainty in appearance, but her strength was anything but frail. You remember her surprising interests, her true empathy — and how, with her quiet determination, she was able to resist despair and continue to move onward.
You remember Kuzuryuu, who changed the most of all of since arriving on the island. You remember how he opened up to everyone after Peko was gone, in order to make her sacrifice worth something. How his concern for his friends propelled him to become a treasured member of the group. It really was amazing, the difference between the old Kuzuryuu and who he was now.
And — you hoped this would remain with you forever — you remember Nanami.
Nanami saved you all, in the end. She'd done nothing but work towards saving all of you since the moment she was created. You remember her refusal to accept mutual killing, the willpower she demonstrated during trials… you remember how she would take the time to think before she spoke, and most of all, you remember the hope she always kept close to her heart.
Now you feel a little more solid for sure. You aren’t drifting away anymore, not quite. You’re held in place by the memories of them. You call forth every detail of them, saying their names over and over to yourself. Teruteru, Togami, Koizumi, Pekoyama, Ibuki, Saionji, Tsumiki, Nidai, Tanaka, Owari, Souda, Sonia, Kuzuryuu, Nanami… Teruteru, Togami, Koizumi, Pekoyama, Ibuki, Saionji, Tsumiki, Nidai, Tanaka, Owari, Souda, Sonia, Kuzuryuu, Nanami…
Wait.
Aren’t you forgetting someone? You can just picture the green shade of their jacket, feel the unnatural coolness of their skin, hear the raspy quality of their voice…
Komaeda .
Just thinking his name awakens so many memories and feelings within you that you can barely begin to make sense of them all. Bits and pieces begin to fall into place; but the more you remember, the less sense you can make of it all.
From the very beginning, Komaeda had looked after you, had lingered behind with you on the beach while the others had gone to explore. Whenever he'd spoken, he'd had a way of soothing you… even if it was just by distracting you. And that hadn’t changed, even after you’d seen his… true colors. After that happened, you had concluded that he was insane. That there was no reasoning with him. That the Komaeda you knew before the trial simply did not exist.
But… was that really the case?
Apparently, Komaeda hadn’t had the best life before entering Kibougamine. Although you had assumed in the heat of the moment that he had been lying, you have a gut feeling that what he'd told you of his past was the unfortunate truth. He'd been orphaned, kidnapped, even diagnosed with lymphoma as well as dementia . And yet, he'd experienced an extraordinary amount of ‘good luck’ as well — winning the lottery, being accepted into Hope’s Peak, and so on. Despite the good luck… you can’t help but feel sorry for him.
You wonder if he’s ever been close to another person. The way he talks, it’s almost as if… not a single person has ever shown an interest in being his friend. Or in supporting him, even, despite all the horrible things he's been through. It’s as though no one has stopped to listen, really listen to what he’s saying. He’s used to standing on an elevated stage in a busy theatre, but the audience won’t pay him any mind. And the few who do soon tune him out and go back to browsing through their programs, muttering to each other in their discomfort.
‘He said…’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘Is he crazy?’
‘What the hell…’
Aside from their voices, there’s an annoying buzzing noise coming from somewhere. It’s faint, but irritating…
You have a thought that strikes you like a ton of bricks.
Is it possible that you’ve had it wrong all along? Is Komaeda… the ‘real’ Komaeda… more like the Komaeda you had first gotten to know? Is it possible that the Komaeda obsessed with hope, the Komaeda willing to start the mutual killing for the sake of that hope… is it possible that that Komaeda is a product of the hopeless cycle of his luck? Or of his dementia? …Or both?
Perhaps that’s a bit optimistic.
And… even if that’s true, it doesn’t excuse his actions.
Still… isn’t it possible for him to change? Isn’t that the entire reason you and your friends decided to leave the simulation — because you thought that, even though you were Super High School Level Despair, you could change? Then, isn’t it only natural to think that Komaeda could find something inside himself — something to bring him back to that “true nature” you may have seen from him?
Even if Komaeda cannot go back to being like that… you think you’d like to help him try to become something in-between his two selves.
Because — even if he cannot see it — you know he's worth trying for. Everyone is worth trying for in some way, after all… Komaeda is no exception.
It’s hard to think with that buzzing noise getting louder and louder. You distractedly wonder what it could be…
Komaeda... you want to see him again. You want to try, in any way you can, to get him to believe in his own worth. To help him move past the hope, the despair, everything… and create a future of his own.
I’ve decided.
I am going to be what Komaeda needs… a friend. They are going to wake up. All of our friends are going to wake up.
And I am going to prove Komaeda wrong. About everything.
Because there is hope for us. And there is hope for someone like him. His life has meaning.
And… If I’ve forgiven the things my other friends have done, I must forgive what he's done. After all, I’m no better than any of them. I’m not. Because of Izuru… I…
I…?
You startle, and rightly so. Because you have just realized that you have a body.
You are alive. You can think. You have mass.
You are here.
You are breathing, and you are hurting, and you can hear and there is light searing into your closed eyes, and you —
I —
Your eyes open, and the world blinds you.
Coughing, you blink back tears and raise a weak hand to meet the glass in front of your face.
Before the people on the other side of the glass manage to free you from your capsule, you have one thought that stills you to the core. Because this thought is a miracle.
I am here. I am alive. And...
I am Hajime Hinata.