Chapter Text
That crinkled piece of paper felt heavy in his hands. It was amazing that the words he wrote down were still there. But somehow, they survived all the sweaty palms and nervous wrinkling.
Somehow, Peter survived. He’ll tell himself he did, at least. Just barely.
Sure, he might have the worst apartment in New York, with the worst job ever (working for your public hater number one was pretty awful, but Peter can’t deny that the man gave a good paycheck), but he was surviving.
He was trying. And that’s what mattered.
But when it came to… this, Peter wasn’t sure if he wanted to try.
Every time he entered that little coffee shop that was three blocks away, every time he saw how happy MJ and Ned were without him… he wasn’t sure if he wanted to try anymore.
It would be selfish of him, right?
Selfish of Peter to want his best friend since elementary school back in his life. To talk about Star Wars and Legos, to listen to him proudly say he was Spider-Man’s ‘guy in the chair’, to theorize about how to defeat the bad guy. To confide in.
Selfish of Peter to want his girlfriend, who he is completely heads over heels in love with, back in his life. To see her smile and roll her eyes at his bad jokes, to see her put people in their place with a quip that they weren’t expecting.
As much as Peter wanted them—needed them, back in his life, he just couldn’t do it.
Being selfish was what got him in this position in the first place. He can’t risk that again.
So, every time he enters the café, he orders the same thing—a black coffee and a bagel and tries not to let his gaze linger on MJ and Ned talking for too long. That’d be creepy.
But he can’t help it sometimes. Especially when Ned says something about the newest Lego set (that Peter desperately wants to but must choose between that or food for the month) and MJ just rolls her eyes. She rolls her eyes in that way where she doesn’t want them—Ned to think that she actually cares.
MJ catches his eyes that day, shakes her head in mock disappointment and thumbs over at Ned.
“Can you believe this guy? He gets into MIT and the only thing he can talk about is a new Lego set.”
Peter tries not to let his voice get caught in his throat. He somehow manages to say, “Congratulations. Both on MIT and the new, er, Lego set. I… hear it’s hard to get a hold of.”
Ned lights up at the validation and points to him. “See, this regular knows what’s important.”
MJ shrugs, a hint of a smile on her face, and turns her back on them to tend to the register.
And as insignificant as that interaction is to them, it’s moments like these that make Peter always keep that piece of paper on his person. Because maybe, just maybe, he’ll be selfish one day. Maybe he can take that leap of faith and take back what he lost.
Peter can’t though. Who was he to take this normalcy, this happiness, away from them again?
Despite that, despite every logical bone in his body telling him not to, Peter continues to visit. He spices up his order every now and then, maybe gets a muffin instead of a bagel, sometimes two coffees because that’s the only way he can stay up and get those shots of Spider-Man at 5am in the morning when no one’s watching him on the side of the building.
He becomes that regular. The one where other regulars, like Ned, even recognize. And Peter doesn’t mean to, he swears, but he keeps getting himself involved in with them.
“MJ, I’m totally stumped. This AI product is bigger than I ever imagined, I can’t figure out how to get it to— “
“You’re complaining to the wrong person, Ned. You know I don’t know or care about this stuff,” MJ says without any malice.
Ned huffs and slumps in his seat a bit. “Yeah, alright fair. It’s just. The only other person I could ask about this is maybe Flash, and I really don’t want to do that.”
“I could take a look at it.”
MJ and Ned turn to look at him, confused. Peter doesn’t know why he offered, he’s halfway out the door and so far away from them, he shouldn’t have even heard their conversation (thanks super hearing). But he swallows down the fear and nods, suddenly feeling that weight in his pocket again.
“I, uh, know a bit about robotics. AIs and all that.” He nods, trying to convince himself more than anyone.
Ned doesn’t believe him, he can see it in his eyes. The other boy stares at him, considering something. He then turns his attention back to the laptop and begins typing away.
Peter doesn't know what to do with himself. Leave, maybe? Clearly they want nothing to do with him. He glances at MJ once more out of habit. Her eyes are on him, pretending to be uninterested.
He exhales through his nose and turns to leave, but Ned's voice stops him.
"Alright, prove it. This AI program has five issues in it. If you can identity them and fix them, you can help." Ned says, issuing Peter a seemingly impossible challenge. Find and fix the bugs in a code that Ned programmed himself, in a signature coding language only he understood. It's nearly impossible.
He should know, he and Ned created it together, made it specifically so no one could look at it and decode anything about Spider-Man from it.
Peter finds the bugs in five minutes and fixes them in three.
From then on, Ned insists that Peter visits every day to help work on a personal project of his. As it turns out, that personal project is to build an AI that could rival Stark’s technology.
There’s not a doubt in Peter’s mind they can accomplish that. Between the two of them, it should be a breeze. And it is.
They get absorbed into the project easily. With each day, Peter finds it easier to fit in with Ned again. It becomes easier to talk to him, to laugh and joke like they used to.
“For a test, we should see if it can construct the Lego Death Star and give us a projection of it,” Ned suggests one day, joking.
Peter lights up at the suggestion. “Putting together 3803 pieces is no easy task, even for a human. Making an AI do it would be fun and let us test its abilities, even at a base level. We can make it scan the pieces too and check its accuracy.”
MJ rolls her eyes from behind the counter. “I knew you two were nerds, but really?”
Ned brushes it off and goes back to work, burying his nose behind the screen. But Peter holds her gaze a little longer. Not on purpose, but just because he’s observant (a trait he’s picked up from her, ironically).
MJ stares back, a smirk pulling at her lips. It makes Peter’s heart jump to his throat. He swallows it back down and ducks his head, pushing the heat back down too so it doesn’t reach his cheeks.
The tables turn one day. MJ tries talking about the true crime documentary she watched the other night. Ned nods every few minutes, pretending he’s listening out of courtesy, because she does the same for him when he talks about Star Wars. But Peter’s hanging on to every word, giving her his full attention.
“—and they compared it to Black Dahlia murder.”
“Mhm hmm,” Ned hums, uninterested.
“Honestly, I can see the similarities. They used some of the same methods,” Peter says.
MJ quirks her brow at him.
“I, uh, watched the documentary.” It was the best date they had, back then.
There’s a flicker of something in her eyes. Maybe she’s impressed. Or creeped out. Peter can’t tell. So, he scratches at the back of his neck and goes back to his GED studying.
Her stare burns a hole through him.
It goes on for weeks. Months. Things feel so normal but so alien at the same time.
They fall into a familiar pattern, going over to Ned’s for a movie night and staying up until 3am talking about anything and everything. Sometimes Peter’s knee brushes against MJ’s, and she lets it happen and never pays any mind to it.
She’ll affectionately call them nerds and losers, call them her boys.
Ned calls Peter his best friend, jokingly says the three of them will be together forever.
But it’s just not the same.
It’s not them. It’s not.
And that paper feels heavier and heavier in his pocket as time goes on.
Until finally, one night, it becomes too much.
“I. I need to talk to you guys about something,” Peter says suddenly, swallowing his heart back down.
MJ quirks a brow and Ned hums, urging him to continue.
“You’re going to need to sit down for this.”
“Why does it feel like you’re going to tell us some really bad news?” Ned questions, but follows Peter’s suggestion anyway and sits down in one of the chairs.
Peter laughs as he runs his hand through his hair. “Depends how you look at it, I guess. Could be bad, could be good.”
MJ joins Ned on the opposite side and throws her arm across the back of the chair. She tips the legs onto two and stares at Peter, expectantly.
And despite how many times he’s rehearsed this time and time again, in front of the mirror after he’s stopped crying, he just can’t get those words out.
“This is—this is going to sound crazy. And it is crazy, it totally is crazy. Who’s going to believe me?” Peter laughs to himself as he paces in front of them. “But I need to tell you because I can’t—I can’t take this anymore. I can’t pretend that everything is okay when it’s not.”
MJ tenses and Ned looks concerned (he has every right to be, honestly).
“Peter, you’re scaring me man.”
“I’m not even to the scary part yet, Ned.”
He comes to a stop in front of them and reaches into his pocket, pulling out the raggedy old piece of paper that miraculously still has his words on them.
“Just read this,” Peter nearly begs them, sliding the paper face down on the table towards them. “Please.”
They exchange a look between each other, then look back at the paper. Ned makes no move for it. He looks at it like it’ll burn his hand if he touches it. But MJ takes a sharp breath and snatches it from the center, unfolding it for both of them to read.
And Peter closes his eyes, unable to watch. He recalls every single word he wrote down still.
Hi. My name is Peter Parker. You don’t remember me. No one does and that’s okay. But I remember you, both of you.
A few weeks ago, there was a battle on the new Statue of Liberty. You know, the one that set back the completion date about a year? Yeah, that one. It’s a long story, one I can tell you guys about later. But I need to tell you this right now:
You two are my best friends. Before that battle, we all knew each other. But something happened and you needed to forget who I was.
But I made a promise to both of you that I would find you again, I would make you remember.
We met what feels like ages ago at Midtown.
Ned, you were my first friend I made there. You were the only one that didn’t ignore me during my first week, you actually offered to help me find my classrooms and you taught me about Legos and the history about them, about every single release and special edition there was. We spent months saving up for that Death Star and two days putting it together.
You’re my guy in the chair, the one I lean on the most when I need it. You make me laugh and I can tell you anything because you’re my best friend.
MJ, I don’t remember when, but you also became part of our little group. During our European trip was when things really fell into place. Things just felt… right with you. Ned and I always needed someone to keep us out of trouble, or to encourage it, if it meant we were sticking it to the man.
You pushed us to do better, in your own weird MJ-way, because there was no other way.
There’s so much more I can tell you. That I need to tell you. But there’s one more thing. And I really, really hope that you remember this, but I’ll tell you anyways—
Peter hears MJ flipping the paper over once, twice, three times. Each time she gets more frantic. He can feel her eyes on him.
He cracks his eyes open to find both MJ and Ned staring at him with unreadable expressions. And Peter has no idea what to do with that. Did they believe him? Did they think he was insane? Were they going to sit up and scream ‘Get out, we never want to see you again because you’re crazy’?
“What is it? That you wanted to tell us, at the end there?” MJ asks, her voice wary, like she didn’t trust herself to speak. Ned stares directly at him, eyes searching wildly for something he couldn’t place.
The lump threatens to make it past his throat but Peter swallows it back down.
He can do this. That weight is so close to being lifted off his shoulders.
“I’m… I’m Spider-Man. And I really, really miss you guys.”
The revelation hangs heavy in the air and Peter isn’t sure how he hasn’t fallen apart yet. He dares to look at them.
For a moment, his heart drops. Because neither make a move, neither say a word. They’re frozen in place. Disbelief across their faces.
“You’re… You’re Spider-Man?” Ned asks, face draining of color.
Peter holds his breath and nods.
MJ’s hands start shaking.
This was a mistake. He just made a huge mistake. They’re going to cast him away, tell him to leave and never come back. Their memories were gone forever, unrepairable, there was never any hope for him in the first place. He should just turn around and—
Recognition flashes in their eyes. MJ sucks in a breath and holds a hand to her head while Ned braces himself on the tiny table.
Immediately, they jump to their feet, so fast that their chairs clatter to the ground behind. They get up so fast that even his Spider-Sense doesn’t catch onto it. Because one second, they’re sitting down staring at him like he’s insane, and the next, MJ and Ned are tackling Peter in the tightest bear hug ever.
Peter is so overwhelmed that he collapses onto the ground, knees giving out on him. They follow him down, unwilling to let him go.
“Peter. Oh my god, Peter. I-I remember. I remember everything. You, Mysterio, Dr. Strange and the whole battle of Liberty and. Oh my god, dude I can’t believe it—” Ned laughs through the tears, unable to contain himself any longer. He buries his face in Peter’s neck and sobs.
MJ’s cries come out in short sobs. She hugs Peter so tight he thinks he might get a cracked rib, but he doesn’t even care. “How dare you, how fucking dare you tell me right before I figured it out. And I was so close to figuring it out, I knew something was wrong and I was looking into it and I knew I was missing someone and—” another sob cuts her off.
Peter breaks down in their arms, just like before. He holds them close.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you guys,” he cries out his apologies again and again. And each time, they forgive him.
When the tears run out and they’re just a pile of bodies on the floor, Ned breathes into his side with a choked laugh and MJ grabs his face to kiss him. It’s desperate and messy but Peter doesn’t care.
Because he’s found them and he’s never letting go.
Never again.