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Apollo is extremely good at putting up fronts. There are some amazing analysis posts on this. Essentially he’s able to lie to the point of convincing himself. It’s kinda ironic seeing as he’s the god of truth. But when it comes down to it he has to lie. To protect himself from others and others from him.
Why lie about his pain? You would think that Apollo, as drama loving as he is, would revel in the chance to gain sympathy points.
But here’s the thing- Apollo never complains about the real things. Sure he loves to complain about the small things- making them seem like they are all that matters. We see him complain about his appearance as a mortal. His newly experienced acne and flab.
“Horrors!” I cried. “Is that—Is that acne ?”(THO)
He throws a fit, drawing attention to it. But when the chips fall- when he is given something to truly complain about, he doesn’t take it. We see him break his ribs, get torn down emotionally, yet he never complains. Instead, he talks about how it’s unfair and he’s too good for these things. He draws the attention off of his real problems.
Because it’s safe to complain about the little things.
It’s safe to further project the idea of a vain god. Because that’s the persona Apollo has built up. Vain. Rude. Egotistical. So of course that’s what he complains about. He throws fits over his appearance because it’s safe. Because he truly believes that this is what matters. We see him internalize these thoughts to the point that they become something he truly believes. Because he has to convince himself that this is what matters. Because if he stops to truly look at what matters to him, his charade falls apart. After all the best lies are the ones that fool the person who made them.
But why would it be unsafe to complain about his true pain?
Because gods don’t feel pain. Gods don’t have such weaknesses. Apollo admits this himself.
“I was the worst of the gods,” he says, dropping all pretenses as he sings of his failures to the myrmekes. Because I loved too much. Because I felt guilty. Because I kept trying to do more. Because I kept changing my mind.” (THO)
Liabilities are weaknesses. To let someone in would mean that they matter to Apollo. One cannot hurt a god. But one can most certainly hurt a mortal.
I turned my face to the sky. ‘If you want to punish me, Father, be my guest, but have the courage to hurt me directly, not my mortal companion. BE A MAN!’ (TOH)
We can see just how quickly he cares when he lets his walls down. Sure he tries to put up the vain front, but when his children are in danger he drops everything because Apollo does care. Despite how hard he tries to bury that part of him.
Because it’s dangerous to let people get close to him. That never ends well.
Why not let Artemis know?
Honestly, a lot of the same reasons as above. If Artemis- if Leto knew what Zeus did to Apollo nothing would be able to stop them from rage. And Apollo fears for their safety. And he fears for his own. Because if Artemis were to find out? Then Apollo wouldn’t be safe anymore. There is safety in his lies. Safety in having people overlook him. Having people see him- and really him? That terrifies Apollo. Apollo is fine with people hating his fronts. But who he is after everything is stripped away? Who that person is both disgusts and terrifies Apollo.
Because Apollo can never be that person. Apollo can never be Lester.
There is this amazing analysis describing why it’s so vital for Apollo to be playing this vain persona by Eleu and Keyseeker. Because Apollo cannot be Lester without losing his sanity. So Apollo will keep playing this part. So he doesn’t have to grow. To hurt.
Because when it comes down to it Apollo is fine being physically hurt if it spares him emotional pain.
And having people know? That’s going to cause some emotional pain. Because if people know then Apollo has to grow. Work on himself. Work through his trauma. We see him go through that in the books. We see how much pain it causes him.
Who would willingly subject themselves to that?
So Apollo lies. He builds masks up around himself because it’s safer and less painful than admitting the truth. Apollo does care. Zeus is an abuser. Because it’s so easy to paint yourself forever in the right than to admit you’re in the wrong. So that’s what Apollo does. Until he can’t.
And it hurts.
There is a weird sense of shame that comes from being pitied. From having people look at you at your lowest of lows and having nothing but pity. It’s maddening. And Apollo is above all a survivor. So he cannot be pitied.
So Apollo lies and puts up fronts. Because Apollo might suck at being the god of truth, but he is very good at being the god of actors.