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“Well, you’ve been exceptionally helpful as always, General.”
“A pleasure to see you again, Senator.”
They shook hands, performing the goodbyes of two colleagues who weren’t secretly married, just as they had many times before. For a moment, neither let go or moved toward Padmé’s office door.
Padmé sighed, glancing away, “You know I do wish we could go away and get some real time together, Ani. I promise we will as soon as we can.”
“Yeah, I know,” Anakin took her hand in both of his gently, “What I really wish is that we didn’t have to hide at all. That we could just be a normal couple without the council losing their shit…even Obi-Wan would have a cow.” He grimaced at the thought of the hypothetical lecture.
Padmé laughed at his expression. She dropped their hands and started moving toward the door.
“Is it bad that I would pay to see that conversation? I know it would end horribly, but it would almost be worth it for just that moment.” She said.
“For you,” Anakin retorted, “For me, it’s always the same ‘uh oh! Skywalker, he’s the problem child because he’s got attachments like a normal human person!’”
He waved his hands around mockingly, “‘Expect this time it’s a legally binding emotional attachment!’” Scrunching his face dramatically, he added, “‘Bad Jedi, he is. Throw him out, we will.’ See it wouldn’t be a good time.”
Padmé had rolled her eyes at her husband’s terrible Yoda voice, but she was used to his dramatics. Besides…
“I might actually have an idea.”
~
“Hey Master!” Anakin ran to catch up to Obi-Wan in the halls of the temple.
“Anakin,” he greeted calmly, falling into step with his former padawan. High strung and overexcitable as ever, Anakin was practically bouncing up and down next to him as they walked along.
“Something on your mind?” He asked, thinking he might be better off not knowing the answer. Sometimes ignorance was bliss when it came to Anakin.
“Uh, yeah actually,” Anakin said, “I did wanna talk to you about something. I figured I should let you know before I tell the council-“
“What did you do this time?” Obi-Wan sighed.
“Nothing!” Anakin launched into a rapid fire explanation, “Okay, well, not nothing but don’t be mad, everything’s totally fine. See, I kind of maybe got married to Padmé-“
“You WHAT?!” Obi-Wan interrupted, coming to a halt. He had known Anakin cared for Padmé for a long time and had his suspicions that something was going on, but he figured as long as his padawan didn’t say anything, he could just stay in his lane and pretend he didn’t see any of it. He didn’t think Anakin would go around blurting it out to anyone, even him. Goddamnit, he really didn’t want to be involved in this.
“I said don’t get mad!” Anakin raised his hands defensively. Obi-Wan put a hand to his temple to stave off the headache he felt coming.
“It’s not what you think. Promise, I didn’t break the code, not even a little bit,” Anakin continued, “Bent it? Maybe but don’t worry about it. Anyway the point is this isn’t about attachment at all; I’m just doing my casual friend a casual favor. We figured Padmé getting married to a well respected Jedi such as myself would be a good political move. And who am I to say no to helping the Republic?” Anakin grinned proudly, like he did when he came up with a particularly bold (crazy) battle strategy.
“Anakin-“ Obi-Wan sighed again.
“No offense to you, Master, I’m sure you would’ve been her second choice-“
“Please stop talking-“
“-but I agreed first. Wholely for the sake of the Republic.” Anakin nodded very solemnly, and Obi-Wan wanted to bang his head against the wall.
“Also the tax benefits are a plus,” he added, “Anyway, just wanted to give you a heads up. Nice chatting with you, bye!” And with that Anakin sped off in the opposite direction. Leaving Obi-Wan standing there, wondering what the fuck he was supposed to do with that. Maybe he could just forget this ever happened.
“Wait, did you say you were telling the council?” He realized after a pause. “Anakin, wait! You’re telling the council?!”
~
“-and so I agreed to the Senator’s proposal, as a strategic move for the Republic and the Jedi Order,” Anakin said in his best professional Jedi voice to the council. Nobody in the room but him had said a word for several minutes. Fell deadly silent, they all had after his announcement. He wouldn’t be surprised if he had finally given one or two of them a heart attack from the looks of shock on some faces. Glancing at his former master, he saw Obi-Wan was now staring at the ceiling, looking like he was willing the Force to take him anywhere but here. Anakin bit back a laugh.
“In addition, as a Jedi knight with no taxable income or property, I figured the tax breaks that come with being married would be very useful. If and when you guys start paying me,” he concluded.
There was a beat of silence, before Yoda leaned forward.
“Well reasoned, your argument is,” he said, nodding thoughtfully.
“I suppose…technically…that doesn’t break the code,” Mace Windu conceded, “Though you might have, I don’t know, said all this before you actually did it.”
“Of course, Masters,” Anakin bowed his head, “That’s on me, my bad.”
Yoda waved his hand dismissively, “Any other business, is there?”
“Wait, is that really it?” Obi-Wan sat up straight to stare around, “You’re just - cool with it? You believe all that?”
“Of course they believe it,” Anakin said with a very forced smile and a glare at Obi-Wan, “Why would I, a Jedi, lie?” He said innocently.
The other masters nodded and made sounds of general agreement.
Obi-Wan sighed once again and threw up his hands.
“Okay,” he said, “I guess that works.”
“That simple, it is,” Yoda said, “Moving on, we shall be.”
Anakin bowed, gave Obi-Wan a not so subtle thumbs up, and exited. Leaving Obi-Wan yet again to wonder what the fuck had just happened.
~
(*However many years later idk*)
“Heyyyyy, Obi-Wan!” Anakin approached him, beaming, as he disembarked the shuttle on Coruscant after a few months away, “Good to see you back in one piece! And you’re just in time. I don’t know if you heard but we just announced that Padmé’s pregnant and we’re having the baby shower with a few friends tonight!” He patted Obi-Wan on the shoulder. Obi-Wan took a deep breath to figure out how to respond to that.
“Huh,” he said, “Well…congratulations are in order. But how the hell did you explain that to council?”
Anakin grinned and winked conspiratorially, “Don’t worry, Master. It’s a fake pregnancy. Padmé’s re-election is coming up and it’ll garner support, ya know? I’m taking the Jedi code very seriously and council fully knows that.”
Anakin gave him another wink and a thumbs up. Not for first time, Obi-Wan thought desperately that his life would be so much easier if Anakin was a better liar. Or maybe if he was just more gullible.
“Okay, sure,” he sighed.
~
(A few months later)
Obi-Wan paced the corridor outside Padmé’s room at the hospital. When they had arrived, Anakin had asked him to wait outside while Padmé was in “fake” labor for the past few hours, like he couldn’t feel both of their distress and excitement through the Force. He decided it was best not to argue.
Anakin emerged from the delivery room, looking exhausted. “Twins! A boy and a girl!” He announced to Obi-Wan, before adding, “I mean, we decided we’re going to tell people we had twins, because why not? If we’re already pretending to have one baby, might as well have two! It’s not like we would ever pretend she had miscarried or anything, that’s crossing a line, don’t you think? It’s one thing to lie about having kids, it’s another to say they died. So we’ll just have to have children now-“
Obi-Wan cut off his rambling, “Of course, dear, now can I meet my fake niece and nephew?” He asked, smiling.
Anakin grinned widely.
~
“I told Obi-Wan we were renting children.”
Padmé stopped in the middle of taking her hair down for the night.
Turning to face her husband, she asked, “What?”
Anakin shrugged helplessly in response. “He asked about the kids and I panicked. I didn’t know what to tell him. What I actually said was that we had found reliable child actors whose parents would sign a nondisclosure agreement. But you know…same thing.”
Padmé paused to take that in. “What did he say?” She finally asked.
“Nothing,” Anakin shrugged again, “He just sighed and walked away.”
Padmé shook her head.
~
(5 years later)
“Hi Dad!! Hi Uncle Ben!!”
As soon as Anakin and Obi-Wan entered the Skywalkers’ home, the twins descended on them, talking excitedly.
“Hello, my little starlights,” Anakin said, bending down to hug them both tightly.
“Aunt ‘soka came by while you were gone,” Leia added, “Wanna see what she showed us?”
“After dinner, okay?” Anakin promised, “Go and wash up, you two.”
They scampered off, Luke calling back, “And I can show you the lightsaber Ahsoka’s helping me build!”
“Aha - wait, what?” Anakin frowned, but the twins were already around the corner.
Looking back at Obi-Wan, who had watched this all with an amused expression, he straighten up and said, “They’re very dedicated young actors, aren’t they? We really should pay their parents more.”
Obi-Wan hummed noncommittally.
Anakin shifted uncomfortably under his steady gaze, seemingly teetering on the verge of saying something.
“Everything alright?” Obi-Wan asked. He had been curious how long his former padawan would keep this up, but it was exhausting…
“Can I confess something?” Anakin blurted out quickly, “They’re not actors. I didn’t rent any children, they really are mine. Padmé and I-“
“Anakin,” Obi-Wan interrupted with a sigh, “I know.”
“You do?” Anakin gaped.
“Of course I do, I’m not a fucking idiot. I’ve literally known the entire time.”
“Oh,” Anakin laughed, “Good. It all kinda started getting away from us after a while.”
“Yeah, some of the lies were way more concerning than the truth,” Obi-Wan said, frowning, “Like when you said you were looking at babies to rent. That’s just creepy.”
“Well, I thought you wouldn’t approve of any real ‘attachments,’” Anakin protested, adding air quotes, “Why aren’t you more upset?”
Obi-Wan carefully kept his face neutral as he said, “Your younglings may have…won me over on the matter.”
Anakin grinned smugly.
“Shut up,” Obi-Wan walked away from him toward the kitchen.
“Wait…do you think the council knows?”