Chapter Text
Minnie is a milf:
evansbitch: lily is a literally an angel
thesirusblack: she literally just hexed you, prongs
evansbitch: and i loved every second of it
evansbitch: except when snivellus laughed at me
gryffindors casanova: i seriously worry about you
thesiriusblack: siriusly?
theratman: where is everyone? the dorm is empty
thesiriusblack: ur mums house ofc
theratman: funny. but seriously?
thesiriusblack: i'm always sirius ;)
theratman: i give up
evansbitch: quidditch practice wormtail sorry
gryffindors casanova: me and lily are in the library if you wanna join us
theratman: not if you’re studying, sorry mate
Lily and the lesbians:
cherlloyd: me and remus are studying together in the library if you wanna join
marleyandme: i'll pass but you enjoy that
gryffindorcas: yeah i cant sorry
maybeitsmary: i just saw those two heading out lily sorry i think they're busy ;)
gryffindorcas: shut up mary
marleyandme: you have no proof
cherlloyd: you guys suck, remus is my new favourite
maybeitsmary: he's always been your favourite ;)
cherlloyd: not sure where you got that idea from
maybeitsmary: yeah we both know a certain Potter has caught your eye ;)
cherlloyd: he wishes :/
Slugclubs finest:
r.a.b: where tf are you guys
gryffindors casanova: the library ofc
cherlloyd: you're late, we're almost about to leave.
r.a.b: wtf why i thought we were studying till later tonight
cherlloyd: remus wants to catch the gryffindor vs ravenclaw game
r.a.b: since when does remus care
cherlloyd: lets just say he’s rooting for a certain gryffindor ;)
gryffindors casanova: i'm right here guys.
r.a.b: i swear to merlin remus, who?
gryffindors casanova: can't say sorry :/
r.a.b: lily?
cherlloyd: not my secret to tell reg
r.a.b: you guys suck. can i come with?
cherlloyd: sure sure, you sure you wanna sit with a couple of gryffindors tho?
r.a.b: i've given up tbf
gryffindors casanova: fair. but wont the slytherins have an issue with that?
r.a.b: probably.
Slytherin Royals:
Severus: Where is Regulus?
crouchy: probably with those gryffindors.
rosier: lupin and that evans girl?
crouchy: yes, some sort of study group.
Severus: Pathetic.
r.a.b: i’m right here, snape.
Severus: I know.
crouchy: are you going to the game, reg?
r.a.b: yes
rosier: okay see you there.
r.a.b: actually i was gonna sit elsewhere
Severus: No you sit with us. Slytherins sit together.
r.a.b: does it really matter?
Severus: Yes. See you there Regulus.
r.a.b: ok..
Slugclubs finest:
r.a.b: yeah i probs won't make it actually guys
gryffindors casanova: it's fine reg, you gonna sneak to the after party?
r.a.b: always.
cherlloyd: we’ll see you there reggie, don't feel guilty about it, it's just a shitty situation.
r.a.b: i don't dw, see you guys later
Minnies a milf:
gryffindors casanova: good luck guys :)
thesiriusblack: thanks moony :)
theratman: yeah good luck
evansbitch: thanks guys!
evansbitch: we’re gonna kick ravenclaws arses!!
Slytherin Royals:
Severus: Why did Loopy Lupin say hello to you, Regulus?
r.a.b: idk
rosier: seemed kinda close…
r.a.b: we study together sometimes?
Severus: No self-respecting pureblood wants to be seen with such a low-life half-blood, Regulus.
r.a.b: it won't happen again ig
Slugclubs finest:
r.a.b: can’t come to study tomorrow guys
cherlloyd: why not? did they say something to you?
r.a.b: no i just can’t make it
cherlloyd: ok…
Lily and the Lesbians:
cherlloyd: so weird question…
cherlloyd: say i had a friend who was in slytherin
cherlloyd: and they wanted to sit with me at lunch and stuff
cherlloyd: but they were being threatened by other slytherin…
marleyandme: idk that’s a tricky situation
maybeitsmary: just beat up the other slytherins
gryffindorcas: at the end of the day, you prioritize friendship over everything else…
gryffindorcas: but is this friend in any danger? cause then it might not be safe
cherlloyd: hmmm im not sure if they are.. but thanks for the help x
maybeitsmary: wait who is this mystery slytherin?
Horace Slughorn is a homophobe:
cherlloyd: i need ur help
marleyandme: no one has used this chat in like two years tf
gryffindors casanova: what is this.
theratman: hello
theratman: james and sirius are playing quidditch so they can't answer rn
cherlloyd: why is james name ‘evansbitch’?
gryffindors casanova: no clue tbf how strange
theratman: wow i didn't even notice
cherlloyd: sure…
cherlloyd: anyways i need your help guys
cherlloyd: i actually really need sirius and james but this is an unfortunate time
snivellus: Why am I here? And why am I called Snivellus?
snivellus: POTTER I STG
theratman: this is our old potions group chat
gryffindors casanova: why is this necessary? i’m trying to watch the game.
theratman: since when do you watch quidditch?
gryffindors casanova: since now. leave me alone and shut up.
snivellus: I’m already bored.
marleyandme: you’re boring