Work Text:
thoughts of thee suffice
To make dreams truths, and fables histories;
After the Immortal Alliance conference, Shen Qingqiu's sleep was fitful.
Whenever she closed her eyes, she saw Luo Binghe's face. In particular, Luo Binghe's eyes, wide and punched-through with pain, as Xiu Ya sank into her chest.
No. Xiu Ya didn't sink into Luo Binghe's chest. Shen Qingqiu pushed it there. Pushed it in with all the strength in her body, and then pulled it out again, wrestling it free of where it clung to Luo Binghe's flesh.
The sheer red glimmer of blood, beading off the tip, dropping gracelessly to the ground. The way the look on Luo Binghe's face was resigned. Accepting. Her eyes still reflected pain, but the quality of it — ah, the quality of it was different. Harder to read.
Shen Qingqiu tried to sleep. She really did. She drew on the power of her cultivation and her core to lull her to sleep, and when that failed, she tried to remember the tricks she used to go with, in her life before. But there were no computers here, in this world, to turn off half an hour before bed. No phone screens to try and ignore.
And when she pulled her blankets up, the thickly textured surface of the embroidered cover as she clutched it in her hands was replaced by her memories of the smooth silk of the robes Luo Binghe wore to the conference. The way they were wet with welling blood.
The solidness of Luo Binghe's chest as Shen Qingqiu pushed her into the Endless Abyss.
Whenever Shen Qingqiu managed to effectively put the feel and look of Luo Binghe in those last few moments from her mind, there was always the System's remarks to chew on. Her loss of points; the suggestion of Luo Binghe's heartbreak meter, whatever the fuck that was… it was really just too much!
She'd grown accustomed to Luo Binghe. To her white lotus halo as she traipsed around Qing Jing Peak; to the meals she would prepare for the two of them. To the soft sounds of her breath coming from the adjoining room. It had been a fraught acquaintance, built on Shen Qingqiu's desperation to not be utterly destroyed, but the absence of it was not soothing.
By day, Mu Qingfang brought her medicines. Every other morning, Liu Qingge came by to spar, and thereby force her into maintaining her cultivation. Yue Qingyuan stopped by a few times as well. Shang Qinghua came by, too, shrinking back from Shen Qingqiu's suspicious glare even as she chattered on about trying to help Shen-shijie get some rest.
The other Peak Lords were… clearly concerned. So too were Shen Qingqiu's disciples: Ming Fan was faking sorrow for Luo Binghe's death even as she tried to assure Shen Qingqiu everything would be okay. Little Ning Yingying, destined to be the first man Luo Binghe adopted into her harem after her return, still fell into regular crying jags which he tried to hide from Shen Qingqiu.
Shen Qingqiu felt the loss of Luo Binghe palpably. Tangibly. In the very core of her.
And yet every time she closed her eyes, Luo Binghe was there. Staring her down, silent and judging, as Shen Qingqiu pushed her inexorably into the Abyss.
Until one night, in the midst of Shen Qingqiu's fitful waking dreams, Luo Binghe didn't just let her push her off her sword and into oblivion.
One night, Luo Binghe looked her directly in the eyes, and asked, "Why?"
+++
So it took Shen Qingqiu an embarrassingly long time — several weeks — to realize that Luo Binghe was literally there, in her dreams.
Her first thought was, 'This didn't happen in Proud Immortal Demon Way?!'
Her second thought was, 'Luo Binghe's clearly been practicing a lot... and making quite a bit of progress.'
Her third thought was, frankly, embarrassing. But as a noted fan/hater of Proud Immortal Demon Way, it was just so cool to see the protagonist acquire new skills!
Skills that, when fully blackened, would no doubt lead to Shen Qingqiu's undoing.
Whoops.
Luo Binghe didn't say anything else to Shen Qingqiu. Just stood and watched Shen Qingqiu push her into the Abyss again, and again, and again. Night after night. Silent, guarded.
Shen Qingqiu was so fucked.
"What do you want?" she demanded, even as she pulled Xiu Ya from Luo Binghe's breast for the hundredth time.
The real Luo Binghe — the dreamwalking Luo Binghe — stood in the depths of the Abyss, a rare glint of light. Her eyes snapped, the whites of them narrow and bright in the gloom. Shen Qingqiu could make out the shine of her hair, the gleam of her robes. Everything else, besides the few flashes of skin that caught the watery light from far above, was swallowed by roiling, writhing darkness.
Luo Binghe didn't catch her own dream-body as it fell. She even stepped aside, two paces to the left, and let it tumble past her. She was so far away, and yet somehow, Shen Qingqiu knew that her lips were parted. Shock, perhaps? It felt a little out of character, but then again, the original Luo Binghe hadn't lost the last of her innocence immediately. It had blackened and cracked as her survival endured; as she fought her way through the demon realm. It had been less than a month since she fell. According to the novel, she would fully embrace her birthright after the next new moon. Shock could be reasonable, even after watching Shen Qingqiu push her in again and again and again.
But the entire story had changed so much already, hadn't it? The Immortal Alliance conference had come much earlier than it did in the book. Perhaps Luo Binghe had already fully blackened. Perhaps the parted lips were hatred, malice, the satisfaction of the first of her plans of revenge.
Shen Qingqiu didn't let herself break eye contact. She stood there, watching Luo Binghe watch her, until at last the dream released her and she woke up.
+++
Shen Qingqiu dreamed of more than just that climactic scene at the Abyss. Twice she dreamed listlessly of her old life: the sprawling home, the rumble of family far in the background, the hours spent hunched over her computer, feverishly reading her webnovel updates and then furiously pounding out her thoughts to post across the forums. Luo Binghe didn't find her in those dreams. It was a blessing, perhaps; a reprieve, and a good way to avoid upsetting what little integrity the structure of this world held.
But Luo Binghe always, always found her when her dreams were in-world.
She often dreamed of her early days on Qing Jing Peak, immediately after her transmigration. Of following Luo Binghe, and keeping an eye on her. Of trying to find loopholes in the strict no-OOC settings the System had in place. Luo Binghe watched Shen Qingqiu flip the leaves into the fighting disciples from dozens of angles. Luo Binghe watched Shen Qingqiu watch Luo Binghe cultivate through the thickets of foliage on the mountain. Luo Binghe watched Shen Qingqiu pace, back and forth, sorting through her memories of every minor plot event from Proud Immortal Demon Way and making sure she'd packed the appropriate antidotes and weapons before the sect set out.
At first, Shen Qingqiu just watched Luo Binghe right back. This was never a part of the original novel. Luo Binghe had practiced her dream-walking, sure, but that plot point had (as far as Shen Qingqiu could tell, from the way Airplane had presented it) largely just served to push Luo Binghe toward her demonic heritage.
Luo Binghe had never connected to the human realm while she was fighting her way through the Abyss. There were too many things to fight, too many lessons to learn. It was, as far as Shen Qingqiu could tell, a uniquely dangerous and challenging place, and one that applied the pressure needed to turn Luo Binghe from a heap of potential into a finely-chiseled diamond of efficacy and resentment.
And yet there she was, in Shen Qingqiu's dreamscape. Watching Shen Qingqiu watch her as their earlier interactions played out between them in vivid, haunting detail.
Abruptly, Shen Qingqiu decided that she'd had enough.
"Why are you just standing there?" she demanded, flicking her fan open as she stalked over to where Luo Binghe was standing, watching the beam crack and fall in the Skinner demon's den for the sixth time that month. "Don't you have better things to do than walk through my dreams?"
Luo Binghe regarded her for a long, dark moment. Long enough that Shen Qingqiu started to feel unsteady with the growing tension, long enough that she snapped her fan closed again and crossed her arms in front of her, tilting her head in that way she always did when she was waiting for a disciple to confess his latest transgressions to her.
To her surprise, Luo Binghe flushed red at that. Well then! She must be furious indeed at Shen Qingqiu, to display that much rage at the reminder that Shen Qingqiu was her shizun!
"No," Luo Binghe said, at long last.
Shen Qingqiu looked at her, racking her brain for memory of Airplane Shooting Toward the Sky's portrayal of the Endless Abyss. If memory served, it was shocking that Luo Binghe would have enough energy left after fighting her way through the horrors within to come into Shen Qingqiu's dreams with such regularity.
She was exhausted herself, just from worrying day and night about the motives that gave Luo Binghe enough strength to fight her way through the Abyss and walk through Shen Qingqiu's dreams from the Demon Realm. Luo Binghe was unfathomably strong even at this point in the novel, but even Luo Binghe's strength must have its limits.
Shen Qingqiu felt frazzled.
"So, what, you just wanted to hang out in my memories?"
"No," Luo Binghe said. Quickly this time. Angrily. Her eyes moved feverishly over Shen Qingqiu's face as she spoke, and she set her mouth in a thin, firm line when she finished.
"Then why are you here?"
Luo Binge frowned. "This disciple was trying to figure it out," she said, after another long pause. "Why you stabbed me and pushed me into the Abyss."
"My reasons are my own," Shen Qingqiu said, wincing inwardly at how cagey it sounded even to her own ears.
"You spent so much time watching me cultivate when I was younger," Luo Binghe said, wonderingly, slowly, and then shook her head sharply. When she spoke again, her words were more precise. Colder, in a way. "You told me demons could be good or evil. You let me think you didn't hate every demon."
Shen Qingqiu eyed the mark on Luo Binghe's forehead, revealing her demon heritage. It was starkly visible in the grimy light of the Skinner demon's den. Part of Shen Qingqiu wanted to touch it, to see if it felt any different from the rest of Luo Binghe's skin. The rest of her shied away from it and everything it symbolized.
She felt so deeply for the character of Luo Binghe even before she transmigrated. It was strange, to have that care metamorphize through actually knowing Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe wasn't just a tragic girl who got grisly revenge on everyone who wronged her while accruing a harem of every weak-willed and beautiful man who crossed her line of sight. She was a precocious girl, an enthusiastic girl. Eager to please her shizun. Eager to always better herself. So talented that it left Shen Qingqiu breathless on a regular basis.
It pained Shen Qingqiu to admit that she'd grown to genuinely like Luo Binghe. To want her to have a softer life than Airplane Shooting Toward the Sky gave her, and something more fulfilling than a harem of prettyboys with no true substance. In truth, she resented the System a little for making her push Luo Binghe away like so much trash. Beyond saving her own skin, wasn't it cruel to treat a loyal, care-worn disciple so harshly?
So while the Skinner Demon was a reprehensible idiot and Sha Hualing was a horrible letch of a man — and both soundly representative of most of their ilk — Shen Qingqiu was forced to admit that no, she didn't hate everyone with demon blood. There were some that she felt quite fondly toward.
She bowed her head. "I don't hate every demon," she said.
"And yet," said Luo Binghe. Her voice was so terse that it trembled. Wow, with this level of fury — Shen Qingqiu was beginning to worry that she would end up a human stick thousands of chapters before the original goods did in the novel! "When my demonic heritage was revealed, you stabbed me and you pushed me into the Abyss." She glanced up, making direct, defiant eye contact with Shen Qingqiu. "So you like some demons. It's just me you hate?"
Shen Qingqiu had to play this correctly. She needed to de-escalate the situation. It was hard to parse through her options and the potential consequences of each possible move, given how bone-tired and frightened she was. But Luo Binghe was upset; Luo Binghe was extremely powerful. Luo Binghe couldn't directly hurt her in dreams, but she could probably keep her trapped inside of it for longer than Shen Qingqiu could withstand.
And one day, Luo Binghe would break out of the Abyss. Shen Qingqiu wanted to remain intact after that.
She probed the System, but it was still offline.
So Shen Qingqiu had to navigate this one on her own. Slowly, she began to pace back and forth in the Skinner Demon's disgusting den. She closed her fan and tapped its smooth ribs against her pursed lips. "Let's think about this," she said, aiming for the same tone she took when asking students to analyze important cultivation texts and trying to hide her anxiety as she spoke.
She was gratified to see that the dedicated disciple inside Luo Binghe hadn't died when she fell into the Abyss: Luo Binghe straightened up, tilting her head attentively as she focused on Shen Qingqiu. Her face was still stormy, but she was listening.
"Did you know you were a demon?" Shen Qingqiu asked. "Before Mobei-jun showed up."
Luo Binghe looked at her, expression quizzical through her frown. Ah, shit. Shen Qingqiu probably wasn't meant to be able to recognize Mobei-jun on sight.
Or — wait. Luo Binghe didn't know who Mobei-jun was yet. So ignoring the potential problem of recognizing her on sight, Shen Qingqiu clarified, "The demon at the Immortal Alliance Conference."
"Um," said Luo Binghe. The frenetic angry energy was seeping out of her, dulling into a defeated sort of posture. "Well. I knew I had… capabilities. Since that first time with Meng Mo?"
"Capabilities," Shen Qingqiu said, turning to face Luo Binghe head-on and raising one eyebrow. "Explain."
"I started… practicing," Luo Binghe said. It came out a little defensively. She bowed shallowly. "But Shizun said that some demons could be good, and I didn't think that practicing the demonic path necessarily… that it meant…"
She was getting more and more worked up as she spoke. Not for the first time, it struck Shen Qingqiu how inexperienced with the world Luo Binghe was. After the Abyss, she would be a force to be reckoned with; one who did as she pleased with no thought of others.
And now, even furious with Shen Qingqiu, it was obvious that her every thought was occupied by wanting to please her Shizun. Well. The System had told Shen Qingqiu that Luo Binghe's heartbreak points bombed Shen Qingqiu's score. Perhaps if she tried to reduce Luo Binghe's heartbreak points in the dream, she'd be in a better position when Luo Binghe returned from the demon realm and the System re-activated.
So Shen Qingqiu took pity on her. "You didn't know that you had demonic heritage," she said, tapping her closed fan against her own arm. "Just that you were practicing demonic cultivation." She tilted her head. "Because of what this master said?"
Luo Binghe hung her head. Acquiescence? Guilt? Fuck, it would be so much easier to navigate this scenario if Shen Qingqiu had scenes from Proud Immortal Demon Way or the System to guide her in how Luo Binghe was feeling!
"Also…" Luo Binghe started, quietly. She paused for a long moment.
Shen Qingqiu watched her. When it became clear that Luo Binghe wasn't going to continue without prompting, she started pacing again. "Go on," she said, turning to cross through the room at an angle where Luo Binghe might think that Shen Qingqiu wasn't watching her. "What is it?"
"I didn't like the way it felt," Luo Binghe whispered. "Watching Meng Mo do that to — to —"
"To?"
"To Shizun," Luo Binghe said. "You yourself said that demons have very strong spiritual energy. How could I not want to be strong? How could I, when… when other demons have been attacking you for years."
"Aahh, Binghe," Shen Qingqiu said, stopping in place to allow herself to school her expression before turning, slowly, to face Luo Binghe. Luo Binghe's head was ducked again, some errant tendrils of her unruly hair falling over her face. It was a very comely image, and a good distraction from the inner turmoil Shen Qingqiu was once more experiencing. Oh, Luo Binghe would be such a heartbreaker when she started building her harem. "You're such a dedicated disciple. How could I hate such a dutiful girl?" She paused for effect, and added, "Even if I hated all demons, how could I blame a disciple if she didn't know of her true heritage?"
Luo Binghe lifted her head, revealing a petulant expression. "I don't understand," she said. "Did you push me in because you didn't know that I didn't know?"
"Ah, Binghe," said Shen Qingqiu. She stepped closer again, close enough to grip Luo Binghe's chin between her fingers and tilt her face up.
There was a little pressure as Luo Binghe resisted at first, but then she met Shen Qingqiu's gaze. Her skin was so nice and clear. Shen Qingqiu wondered, passingly, if Luo Binghe's appearance here mirrored the way she looked in the Abyss, or whether she had adjusted her appearance when she walked into Shen Qingqiu's dreams.
"You really think this wise master isn't always aware of her students and the way they train their cultivation? I saw your focus change after we met Meng Mo, but not your essence. If I forbade your explorations, wouldn't I have just cast you out of the sect?"
She released Luo Binghe's chin and latched her hands behind her back, but Luo Binghe didn't move. She just kept meeting Shen Qingqiu's gaze with her own sharp eyes.
Fiercely, Shen Qingqiu added, "It's not your heritage that matters. It's how you use it. I would not make a decision about you until I saw your choices."
"Then—"
"Would you believe that I pushed you into the Abyss so you could hone your demonic cultivation?" Shen Qingqiu asked.
The incredulous look Luo Binghe gave her was answer enough.
"You're right," Shen Qingqiu said. "This master didn't. But…"
She couldn't give Luo Binghe the truth. She didn't know the answer that Luo Binghe wanted to hear.
"...Can you accept that I had to do it?" Shen Qingqiu asked. "Can you trust that your master had her reasons?"
Luo Binghe's lower lip trembled. "You truly didn't do it because you hate me?" she asked.
"I did not," Shen Qingqiu promised. She paused, then added, "This master only puts her treasured disciples in situations where she knows they will succeed."
"Then I can accept you had your reasons," Luo Binghe said, bowing deeper than before. "This disciple only hopes that her master's reasons become clearer in time."
Shen Qingqiu hoped to think of a good excuse to give Luo Binghe as an acceptable reason, too.
She asked, "Are you satisfied?"
Luo Binghe looked like she wanted to say no. She shook her head slightly as she lifted her face. But she said, "Yes, Shizun."
"Are you going to keep watching me in my dreams?" Shen Qingqiu asked.
"How else can I prove that I am making good choices for how to handle my heritage?" Luo Binghe asked.
There was something else in her eyes. Something that she wasn't saying. Shen Qingqiu wanted to forbid Luo Binghe from visiting again — it really was such a departure from the original novel and probably only spelled future frustrations and setbacks — but she remembered how terribly the Abyss treated Luo Binghe in the novel. Perhaps this was a respite.
Perhaps if she allowed her dreams to continue being a respite, Luo Binghe would think well of her when she returned to the human world.
"My disciple raises a good point," Shen Qingqiu allowed, emphasizing each word. The adrenaline was ebbing from her system, and exhaustion was once more creeping over her. She could only hope that she'd done enough for now — enough that she could get some truly nourishing rest in the near future. "This learned and diligent master should check on her disciples' progress, even if it is just through dreams." She fixed Luo Binghe with a look. "If there is information to share, a new talent perhaps, I suppose such a visit would not go amiss."
Luo Binghe's expression cracked, a twisted, pained sort of relief breaking through.
She flung her arms around Shen Qingqiu, who made an oof of shock as the wind was knocked out of her. "Luo Binghe!"
"Sorry, Shizun," Luo Binghe said, voice muffled in Shen Qingqiu's robes. She backed up, releasing Shen Qingqiu when she was far enough away that attempting to hold on became physically awkward. Then she bowed, lower than was technically appropriate. "Thank you."
"Of course," Shen Qingqiu murmured, and let herself finally relax.
+++
When Shen Qingqiu woke that morning, relief suffused her body from her core to her very extremities. To her surprise, she felt more rested than she had in months.
Mu Qingfang looked surprised when she brought Shen Qingqiu's medicines. Liu Qingge seemed enthused by the spark in Shen Qingqiu's step as they sparred, and began fighting her as if she trusted Shen Qingqiu to fight properly back. Yue Qingyuan smiled at her, resting a relieved hand on Shen Qingqiu's shoulder when she said that she was feeling better.
Shang Qinghua, when Shen Qingqiu tracked her down, looked less convinced by Shen Qingqiu's overnight transformation, which only added to Shen Qingqiu's suspicion that Shang Qinghua, too, may have transmigrated from her original world.
Shen Qingqiu didn't particularly care. She would continue making preparations to save her skin, in case, but at least she'd gotten through to Luo Binghe. At least Luo Binghe accepted that Shen Qingqiu had a reason for pushing her into the Abyss.
At least she might be able to get at least one or two nights of sleep, here and there, without being watched the whole time as she re-lived every single scene she'd experienced in this world.
But when Shen Qingqiu fell asleep that night, she still dreamed of Luo Binghe.
It was a strange dream. Luo Binghe didn't respond when Shen Qingqiu asked why she would return so quickly, and to a dream that wasn't predominantly memory.
In the dream, Luo Binghe washed Shen Qingqiu's feet. When she finished, she kissed Shen Qingqiu's knee through a hole in Shen Qingqiu's jeans.
Jeans! In the dream! Under her robes, to be sure, but still — this was a modern effect that Shen Qingqiu did not particularly miss and did not want to have to explain to someone from this world!
But the strangeness did not stop there. They fought a snake-monster that morphed into a large sunflower that shed its pollen over Luo Binghe's hair. Luo Binghe laughed at it, shaking the pollen off as she fell into Shen Qingqiu's arms.
They kissed, once, and then Luo Binghe's form shifted into the look Shen Qingqiu pictured her to have in the latter scenes of Proud Immortal Demon Way. It was dark and starkly attractive, robes and evilness clinging to Luo Binghe's ample curves and thick, solid muscles. Her hair whipped around her in an invisible wind, catching on Luo Binghe's red, red mouth.
She held Xin Mo forward and, laughing, slashed it out at Shen Qingqiu. Shen Qingqiu yelled, but instead of her limbs falling away, only her clothing did.
Luo Binghe laughed louder, harsher. "Shizun," she crowed. "I've got you where I want you now."
But before she could do anything else, Shen Qingqiu woke again to morning light streaming into her room and songbirds chirping from the trees outside.
Was that you? Shen Qingqiu asked, silently, though of course Luo Binghe didn't — couldn't — answer.
However, the dream didn't feel like the kind orchestrated by a demon, and Shen Qingqiu was pretty sure that, even with Luo Binghe's leaps and strides in cultivation, she couldn't go back and forth through time as easily as she went back and forth through realms and dreams.
But if the dream was organic, what on earth could it mean?
+++
The next night, Luo Binghe was once more in Shen Qingqiu's dreams.
This one, too, wasn't a memory. At least, not one from Shen Qingqiu's life. Luo Binghe was standing on the banks of a broad river with a cold sun shining down, staring across it in silent contemplation. There were ten paces of rocky shoreline between her and Shen Qingqiu.
Something about this Luo Binghe felt more solid than the one from the night before. More human. Perhaps it was that Shen Qingqiu could see Luo Binghe's shoulders move as she breathed. Also, the scattering light as her hair jostled in the wind, and the fragile way she held herself.
She looked — forlorn. Colder even than the sun. That won't do, Shen Qingqiu thought, watching Luo Binghe for a long moment. Perhaps I could recover some heartbreak points here, too.
So Shen Qingqiu stepped forward, allowing her steps to dislodge the rocks of the shore and send them clattering as she drew up alongside Luo Binghe.
Then, she stopped, folded her arms, and took in Luo Binghe's silhouette.
"Binghe," Shen Qingqiu said, and Luo Binghe looked up, her careworn expression and protective posture melting away as she saw Shen Qingqiu standing there.
"Shizun! You're… you're here?"
"Of course I'm here," Shen Qingqiu said, raising an eyebrow. "You came into my dreams, didn't you?"
"This is my dream," Luo Binghe said, looking back over at the river. "I — I didn't expect to see you here."
"Ah," said Shen Qingqiu. That would explain their location, perhaps. It did match Airplane Shooting Toward the Sky's description of the Luo River. "Well. Hm. Did you visit this master's dreams last night?"
"No," said Luo Binghe, slowly. "I was figh— I was giving Shizun a rest. Why?" She frowned, then looked up at Shen Qingqiu, a fierce, unfashionable light in her eyes. "Did you dream of me anyway? What was I doing?"
"It doesn't matter," Shen Qingqiu said quickly. "I'm just trying to get a sense of your aptitude. It must be strong indeed if you can pull me into your dreams as well!"
"It would be stronger if I could do it on purpose," Luo Binghe sighed. She turned again, squinting at Shen Qingqiu. "Are you sure you're really my shizun? Or did I just dream you up?"
"I'm pretty sure I'm me," said Shen Qingqiu. She paused. "Surely Meng Mo taught you a way to verify if someone is a construct or a real target?"
Luo Binghe sighed again. "I was hoping you were really my shizun," she said, sadly. "It felt so nice to have her say all those things to me the other day, you know? It made it easier, to — to fight some of the monsters in the Abyss. Since I know I can still prove myself and regain the rest of Shizun's esteem for me even though… my heritage…" She shook her head and then rounded on Shen Qingqiu. "But even with everything Shizun said, she would never speak of Meng Mo so calmly! As if she were another teacher whom Shizun could collaborate with in designing my studies."
"How can you be so sure of that?" Shen Qingqiu asked. It was true that she hated Meng Mo as she hated most demons, but also — she was the real Shen Qingqiu, so she did speak of Meng Mo without rancor.
Luo Binghe kicked a rock into the river. "Stop trying to fool me!" she cried, in a dark enough tone that Shen Qingqiu went cold inside. This wasn't a blackened, furious Luo Binghe, but this was more anger than she'd ever expressed directly to Shen Qingqiu before. "I know you're not her! You're just — just a figment. My deepest wishes come to mock me. It makes sense, after the day I've had, but — but—"
Shen Qingqiu took a step forward. "Binghe," she said, bracing herself and putting a hand on Luo Binghe's shoulder.
Luo Binghe twisted around harshly. Shen Qingqiu expected her to knock her hand away and rail against her some more, but instead Luo Binghe looked at her with her face broken-open with emotion and horrible to look at.
"If you're just a figment," she said. "I might as well—"
Shen Qingqiu waited for her to clarify what Luo Binghe thought she might as well, but instead, she just gave Shen Qingqiu an anguished, searching look and then crashed forward, flinging her arms around Shen Qingqiu's shoulders and claiming her mouth in a hard, biting kiss that shocked Shen Qingqiu so much that she froze in place.
It hurt. Luo Binghe's mouth was hot and wet, a sharp counterpoint to the cold wind blowing around them, and her lips were rough and insistent. She held Shen Qingqiu so tightly that Shen Qingqiu felt the ghosts of bruises blooming under her touch.
When she pushed her tongue through Shen Qingqiu's resisting lips, Shen Qingqiu came to herself.
"Luo Binghe!" she snapped, jerking her head back.
Luo Binghe just clung tighter.
"Luo Binghe, what are you doing?"
"Now you even sound more like the real shizun," Luo Binghe said, sighing. She let her head loll forward, thunking it painfully against Shen Qingqiu's chest. She mumbled, "Even my dreams won't let me have this."
She sounded so pitiful! Shen Qingqiu weighed the odds and decided to let Luo Binghe stay there. Carefully, she brought one hand to the back of Luo Binghe's hair and stroked it over Luo Binghe's hair, and felt Luo Binghe relax against her.
Luo Binghe sighed. "This is nice," she said, pressing her head back into Shen Qingqiu's touch. "I wish you were really her. I wish she—"
She broke off, but when she tilted her head back and met Shen Qingqiu's eyes, her gaze was so full of longing that Shen Qingqiu startled back.
She woke up when she hit the ground, the textured covers of her bed tangled around her feet. Her hip ached where it slammed against the wood floor. Her shoulders ached from where Luo Binghe had grabbed her.
Her mouth, too, felt bruised. She brought a hand up to her lips and touched them. They were dry, a little chapped.
She pursed them, kissing her fingertips lightly, and wondered if they would have felt like this — stretched forward, tender and soft — if she had kissed Luo Binghe back.
+++
Shen Qingqiu didn't see Luo Binghe for several nights after that, and found herself worrying about the girl. Luo Binghe had clearly been a mess, torn up inside after whatever fight she'd been in before her dream and bothered further by Shen Qingqiu's presence in it.
For once, Shen Qingqiu wished she had someone to talk things through with. The System was still offline, so she couldn't even turn to it for a little verbal sparring and prodding to get some insight into the situation.
How was Luo Binghe faring in the Abyss? Why had she kissed Shen Qingqiu like that, so desperate and rough, when she thought Shen Qingqiu was just another part of her dream?
Was she okay?
Shen Qingqiu was particularly aggressive as she sparred with Liu Qingge, and it carried through when she tracked Shang Qinghua down to air her suspicions that Shang Qinghua was also a transmigrator. If she was — if she knew this story — then maybe Shen Qingqiu could even talk to a future demon defector about her concerns.
"Airplane Shooting Toward the Sky," she said, to see if there was a flare of understanding in Shang Qinghua, and was shocked to see Shang Qinghua drop her sword in a clatter at her feet.
It transpired that Shang Qinghua was the author of the story.
It further transpired that Shang Qinghua did not have any idea how Luo Binghe could be strong enough to connect her dreams to Shen Qingqiu's from the demon realm, especially given how rough the Endless Abyss was on the original goods.
And then:
"You said that she kissed you?" Shang Qinghua said, with mounting shock. "In her dream?"
"Bro, she thought I was part of her own dreamscape," Shen Qingqiu explained with a befuddled sort of shrug.
"But I deleted that draft before I even dared post it!" Shang Qinghua said, frowning. "And it happened hundreds of chapters after her return anyway. This is so — what is it?"
Shen Qingqiu was staring at her in shock. "You wrote Luo Binghe kissing me?"
Shang Qinghua nodded. "But my readers were mostly straight women who wanted to read about weak-willed men with strong muscles falling down in front of a woman, not baihe or even just two girls making out to get the mens' attention," she said. "Plus, some readers had particularly strong hatred toward Shen Qingqiu, Cucumber-bro, so I didn't think it would fly."
"Aiyah," Shen Qingqiu said, sitting back heavily. "I thought that this would clarify things, not muddy them further!"
"Sorry," Shang Qinghua said unapologetically.
Shaking her head, Shen Qingqiu made her way back to Qing Jing peak.
A baihe novel! If her options were to either become a human stick or the first woman in Luo Binghe's harem, she knew which route she preferred to go.
But then… perhaps there was something to that? Perhaps, if a beautiful girl like Luo Binghe was predisposed to wanting her… if Luo Binghe liked her, she wouldn't ruin her life.
If Luo Binghe wanted her, and got her, that also might solve the problem of the heartbreak points.
Could Shen Qingqiu do it? Could she approach Luo Binghe in that way? Caress her, kiss her? Maybe even more?
She cast her mind over her past interactions with Luo Binghe as she walked up the path to her house.
Her memory landed on a particular scene: Luo Binghe, kneeling at her feet after a meal that the disciple had prepared for the both of them. Shen Qingqiu was explaining an important step in reaching mid-core formation, quizzing Luo Binghe on the steps after summarizing a few of them.
Luo Binghe's eyes sparkled and she leaned forward intently. Her robe slipped open a little at the front, and when Shen Qingqiu pointed it out, she rushed to close it and to re-tie her belt, blushing all the while. She kept darting tiny little glances at Shen Qingqiu, biting her lip attentively as she listened to the next part of Shen Qingqiu's explanation.
At the time, Shen Qingqiu had been struck by how beautiful Luo Binghe was, how charming. How stunningly gorgeous she would be — albeit dark and terrible — when she came back to Cang Qiong Mountain to enact her revenge. Shen Qingqiu had felt soft toward that young and enthusiastic Luo Binghe. She'd wanted her to succeed. She'd wanted —
Well.
With the information Shen Qingqiu had now, she could look at this memory in a new light.
She had been swayed by Luo Binghe's charms. Luo Binghe often acted like that — attentive, coy, beautiful — when she was convincing another man to join her harem. Shen Qingqiu had rationalized it away as a scholarly interest in seeing the character in action.
But now, thinking back…
Yes, she could kiss Luo Binghe to make up her lost heartbreak points.
Yes, she could like it.
+++
It took the better part of a week for Luo Binghe to appear in Shen Qingqiu's dreams again. Her eyes were red-rimmed, with dark shadows below them.
Shen Qingqiu's heart went out to her. Instead of remarking on just how tired Luo Binghe looked, she inclined her head toward the door.
They walked outside of Shen Qingqiu's room, leaving behind the dreamscape meal a younger Luo Binghe had made a younger Shen Qingqiu, and into the forest beyond. Shen Qingqiu resisted asking Luo Binghe what happened as they wandered — Luo Binghe's face was stormy behind its sheer exhaustion, disinviting questions — and instead tilted her head at her. "What," she said. "After the other night, you're not going to welcome this master with a kiss?"
Luo Binghe went white, then red.
"Shizun," she gasped. "That was you? I thought—"
"I know," Shen Qingqiu said. She paused in a small clearing, and Luo Binghe stopped too. For a few moments, Shen Qingqiu watched the flush spread down Luo Binghe's neck.
Then, she took pity on her. "Binghe. This master isn't angry."
"But—!"
"The kiss was… acceptable," said Shen Qingqiu, and then fixed Luo Binghe with a stern look. "But if you think that me saying this means I'm just a figment again, I will be very disappointed in you."
Luo Binghe's flush deepened. "I shouldn't have treated you—"
"Luo Binghe," Shen Qingqiu interrupted. "This shizun has been very worried about her disciple. The Endless Abyss is no joke! It is full of terrors, and even a dedicated cultivator straddling two paths, with as much strength of spiritual energy as you possess, would struggle." She paused. "I still cannot tell you my reasons for pushing you in, but you should know that I did so knowing tat you will triumph and make your way through."
Luo Binghe bowed her head. "Yes, Shizun."
"I can only imagine that walking in my dreams is draining," Shen Qingqiu continued. "And yet you persist, even though you now know that I still hold you in high regard as my disciple. Why is that?"
Luo Binghe's eyes darted to Shen Qingqiu, and then she looked away again, lips pursed.
"It is natural for a disciple to feel a certain amount of affection for her master," Shen Qingqiu said. "After so many years of close instruction and wanting her approval, these feelings do tend to develop."
"No!" Luo Binghe hastened to say. "It's not that, Shizun, I don't just want your approval! I—"
"Want more?" Shen Qingqiu asked, and at Luo Binghe's look of alarm, reached out to rest her hand on Luo Binghe's arm. "Binghe. What do you need?"
Luo Binghe gave her a startled, uncertain look. "Shizun?"
"To survive," Shen Qingqiu said. "To have the strength to continue on through the Abyss. You keep coming back to my dreams, so it is natural to assume you need something else from me."
"Just to see you," Luo Binghe blurted. "Just to know that you're — that you're okay. When I know that you're okay I can focus on the monsters."
"And that's all that you want?"
"It's all that I need," Luo Binghe said, bowing.
Shen Qingqiu studied her for a moment. Her beautiful shining hair, the grim slant to her mouth. The bags under her eyes.
Something inside Shen Qingqiu shifted.
"You want me," she said, quietly, and Luo Binghe's eyes flew to hers.
"It's enough to see you are well," she reiterated.
Shen Qingqiu kissed her.
This, too, was an awkward kiss, made more awkward by Luo Binghe's startled gasp. Luo Binghe brought her hand up to clutch at the collar of Shen Qingqiu's robes, and then she flexed it, releasing them again. They were rumpled from her brief grip, damp already from her sweaty hands.
"Shizun?"
"Would this help you?" Shen Qingqiu asked. "Or would it get in the way of your success?"
"It would give me strength," Luo Binghe admitted, so Shen Qingqiu kissed her again.
She liked this one, actually. Luo Binghe met her more enthusiastically this time, and let Shen Qingqiu gentle the kiss into something passionate and smooth, a slick slide of mouths and a quick nip of teeth that didn't veer into anything too overpowering.
Still, as Luo Binghe wrapped a tentative arm around Shen Qingqiu's shoulders, Shen Qingqiu felt her knees weaken.
Oh, she thought. I like her.
She tangled her hands in Luo Binghe's hair, using the leverage to tilt Luo Binghe's head and change the angle on the kiss. "What do you want?" she asked, her words a mumble against Luo Binghe's mouth. "What would help?"
"Anything Shizun wants to give me," Luo Binghe said, grazing Shen Qingqiu's lower lip with her teeth.
"Anything," Shen Qingqiu promised. "Everything. Just tell me."
Luo Binghe's grip tightened on Shen Qingqiu's shoulders, and then she was backing Shen Qingqiu against one of the sturdier trees at the edge of the clearing.
"I want you," she breathed, one hand hovering a scant inch away from Shen Qingqiu's waist.
"Okay," said Shen Qingqiu. She tugged her hands free of Luo Binghe's hair and scrambled to undo Luo Binghe's belt. She tugged it off her waist, watching Luo Binghe's robes flutter and stretch over her body as the belt fell away.
Then she pushed her robes open.
Luo Binghe was wearing the underthings Shen Qingqiu had seen drying after laundry every week for years. Her nipples, hard and dark, were visible through the thin white fabric.
"Since this is a dream," Shen Qingqiu said, genuinely curious. "Can't you just make these clothes disappear?"
"Do you want me to?" Luo Binghe asked.
Shen Qingqiu gave her a searching look. Luo Binghe's lips were parted. As she watched, Luo Binghe darted her tongue out, wetting them.
Shen Qingqiu tracked its movement closely. The world around her fell away; her attention was on the glimpse of Luo Binghe's tongue.
As she was watching, Luo Binghe smiled. "As Shizun requests," she said.
Her gaze un-focused, like she was concentrating on something far away, and then suddenly, they were both naked. The clearing shifted around them, too: suddenly, they were in the space where Luo Binghe had watched her dream-self walk off with a bloody leaf as Shen Qingqiu pocketed her locket.
Fuck, that was so cool. That was so cool. Now that she was a little less frightened of becoming a human stick in the imminent future, Shen Qingqiu could really let herself be impressed by Luo Binghe's talents.
But not for long, because now there was another distraction.
Shen Qingqiu regarded Luo Binghe, who stood in front of her. Her mouth was set now, determined; her posture was strong. Her body was well-muscled, a hardness that offset the soft swell of her breasts and her hips. Fine hair dusted from her belly button down to a darker, curly thatch of it between her legs.
There was a scar on one breast: a puckering thing, just the width of Xiu Ya's blade. Nothing else marred Luo Binghe's skin.
"Does the sight of me please you, Shizun?" Luo Binghe asked, even as she looked hungrily over Shen Qingqiu's body.
Shen Qingqiu swallowed hard. She felt feverish as her eyes darted over Luo Binghe's exceptional form. Feverish, and honestly surprised. "It does," said Shen Qingqiu, with no small amount of wonder.
They stared at each other a moment longer, and then they were kissing again. This was a more desperate, grasping kiss. An unseemly emotional thing for someone who cultivated the aloof remove that Shen Qingqiu did, but she couldn't bring herself to care. Luo Binghe was warm in her arms, squirming closer in a way that caused her skin to rub roughly against Shen Qingqiu's breasts.
It felt good. It felt so good. Any sort of friction would be nice; it had been such a long time since Shen Qingqiu had access to her favorite vibrator. But this…
This was better even than the vibrator's third setting.
"Lie down," she said, gesturing to the soft grass underfoot. "Let this master help you."
"Yes," Luo Binghe breathed, and Shen Qingqiu was treated to the sight of Luo Binghe's body as she lowered herself: muscles flexing, breasts swaying, the slight swell of her stomach folding as she sat and then settling as she lay back.
Shen Qingqiu knelt beside her. She drew a hand down Luo Binghe's front, cupping one breast and rubbing her thumb roughly over the nipple, teasing her fingertips across Luo Binghe's quaking stomach.
When she brushed the back of her fingers against the hair between Luo Binghe's legs, it was damp.
"Do you like this?" Shen Qingqiu asked, slipping a finger through the curls until she could tease at the wet slit underneath. She drew the tip of her finger along the side of the soft wet lip there, feeling Luo Binghe's wetness and heat but not giving her the pressure that Luo Binghe's hips were twitching for.
"Yes, Shizun," Luo Binghe said. "Very much."
"Would you like more?"
"I would," said Luo Binghe.
Shen Qingqiu bent over her, kissing her again. Luo Binghe tilted her neck, straining up into the kiss, lips working as she matched Shen Qingqiu's slow and steady pace. Beneath her front, Shen Qingqiu could feel Luo Binghe's body arching up, taut as a bowstring, reaching for more.
"Then I will give you more," Shen Qingqiu said, taking pity on the girl. She maneuvered herself so that she was straddling Luo Binghe's lap, close enough that the nipples of her own small breasts could brush against Luo Binghe's chest. It was an awkward angle for her hand, but if she reached between Luo Binghe's legs and crooked her fingers against her clit, and then bore down, she could get a little friction on her own from her arm. Not a lot, not without some strain, but it was enough.
Then she kissed Luo Binghe again. A sharp kiss, a claiming one. She bit her way into Luo Binghe's mouth and then soothed the bites with firm swipes of her tongue over Luo Binghe's yielding lips.
Luo Binghe broke the kiss, though, as Shen Qingqiu pressed her fingers more firmly against her clit. Her body shuddered, and she buried her face in Shen Qingqiu's neck. She breathed wetly there for a moment, big heaving gasps, and then she caught Shen Qingqiu's tender skin between her teeth, worrying at it, sucking to pull blood right to the surface.
When Luo Binghe lifted one of her legs — which spread her open enough that Shen Qingqiu's fingers slipped through her wet folds, giving her access to circle Luo Binghe's entrance and then dip a finger inside, but also let Luo Binghe press her thigh between Shen Qingqiu's so that Shen Qingqiu had something bigger and firmer to rut against — it struck Shen Qingqiu that Airplane-bro hadn't been off with her descriptions of Luo Binghe as a clever, responsive lover.
Nor her descriptions of Luo Binghe's lovemaking as intense, it would seem. After a few more minutes of working herself up with tiny rolls of her hips against Luo Binghe's thigh as she teased at Luo Binghe's clit, Shen Qingqiu found herself being rolled over as Luo Binghe surged up and to the side.
Luo Binghe pressed her onto her back, sucking one more sharp kiss at the juncture between Shen Qingqiu's shoulder and collarbone.
Then, with a wicked grin, she dragged herself down the front of Shen Qingqiu's body in one sinuous, drawn-out movement.
She gripped Shen Qingqiu's upper thighs with strong hands and pushed them open, spreading Shen Qingqiu's folds with her thumbs. Cold air hit Shen Qingqiu's hot center for the briefest of seconds, and then it was replaced with Luo Binghe's warm breath and hotter tongue.
"Binghe!" Shen Qingqiu gasped as Luo Binghe licked her, a long wet stripe from her entrance to her clit that felt like she was laying a line of electric sparks along Shen Qingqiu's cunt. Shen Qingqiu shivered with it, and she reached desperately to pinch her suddenly-aching nipples to a more soothing hardness.
Sex as a cultivator was fucking wild, Shen Qingqiu decided. Was it that she had a core and meridians through which the sensation could travel, or was it just that the effect of the dreamscape was intensifying everything? She felt like fire was coursing through her with every swipe of Luo Binghe's tongue. When Luo Binghe moved one hand so that she could press two thick fingers into Shen Qingqiu, crooking them forward and then spreading them apart to lick between them, the feeling intensified.
"Fuck," Shen Qingqiu cried, arching into the sensation, and then gasping again as Luo Binghe responded by pressing her thumb against Shen Qingqiu's clit. Shen Qingqiu flung her head to the side, pressing her mouth against her arm and sinking her teeth into the soft meat there, a sharp counterpoint to the intent way Luo Binghe was working her wetly open.
The pain was grounding, but not for long. Luo Binghe responded to Shen Qingqiu's expletive by digging her tongue harder against her clit and working her fingers in deeper, until her knuckles were pressed tight against Shen Qingqiu's entrance, teasing but not delivering a greater width.
The fire in Shen Qingqiu's meridians grew, twisting through her body like a live wire until she was tingling all over. It wasn't spiritual energy — or at least, Shen Qingqiu didn't think it was; she was pretty sure dual cultivation would feel like any other spiritual energy transfer with bonus arousal, and this was like the arousal was scorching through her in a way foreign to all her previous experience. Cultivation or sexual.
Was it just Luo Binghe coming into her demonic powers? Or was it —
Shen Qingqiu forgot her questions as Luo Binghe sucked around her clit, flicking it with her tongue as she did so. There was no space in Shen Qingqiu's brain for higher-order thoughts, just more and please and fuck.
Her orgasm took her by surprise. It came so quickly. She half-expected it to feel like a wave crashing over her, but instead it was as if, suddenly, the tension within her broke and could drain away on Luo Binghe's tongue. She sagged limply against the ground after, chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath, feeling the aftershocks spark through her from that tiny hot center where Luo Binghe was gentling her tongue in soft, broad stripes.
Then she reached down and pulled Luo Binghe's head up by the hair.
Luo Binghe had a very smug look on her face, which was a mess. Wet was smeared across her mouth, and her lips were swollen pink and plump.
As Shen Qingqiu watched, Luo Binghe swiped her tongue over them, slowly and deliberately, not once looking away from her.
"Ridiculous," Shen Qingqiu said, and tugged until Luo Binghe came up and lay against her side.
"But good?"
"Very good," Shen Qingqiu said, reaching back between Luo Binghe's legs.
Luo Binghe flushed a deeper red as Shen Qingqiu felt the wetness there. "I kind of," she said. "While I was licking you… was clenching my legs together. And so basically I already, um. Felt the clouds and the rain."
"And is once enough?" Shen Qingqiu asked, stroking her fingers through Luo Binghe's folds until she could pinch her clit lightly, tugging until Luo Binghe gasped and let her legs fall wider apart. "Or does my disciple not wish to come again?"
"Good point," Luo Binghe said, turning her face up for a musky kiss.
+++
"How do you feel?" Shen Qingqiu asked later, as the sweat cooled between them and stuck them together.
"Good," Luo Binghe said, turning her head and pressing a kiss to Shen Qingqiu's shoulder.
"Like you can handle the Abyss?" Shen Qingqiu asked.
"Yes, I do," said Luo Binghe. She relaxed into Shen Qingqiu's touch as Shen Qingqiu stroked a hand lazily over Luo Binghe's bare hip. "I mean, at least I can fight well for now." She glanced up at Shen Qingqiu, watching her with big, dazed eyes, then smiled. With a hopeful tone, she added, "I'll definitely have to come back here for more of Shizun's encouragement soon, though."
Shen Qingqiu sighed, satisfied. Take that, heartbreak points, she thought, and smiled at the top of Luo Binghe's head. Perhaps instead of dreading Luo Binghe's return to the human world, she could look forward to it.
In fact, perhaps she could even let go of her focus on the points system, on trying to level up in this world like it was a video game, and instead focus on the living, breathing, dreaming girl in front of her.
She wanted Luo Binghe to stay sane and grounded. She wanted to protect her from becoming just an avatar of vengeance.
She wanted Luo Binghe, regardless of the heartbreak points and the System's blatantly rigged approach character development. Regardless of Luo Binghe's thigh-hugging and self-effacing dedication. Regardless of whether Luo Binghe ended up totally different from her character in the novel.
"You know where to find me," she told Luo Binghe.