Work Text:
Tony Stark collapsed into the small couch in the lab, his muscles aching from his 16-hour long work bender. He was exhausted beyond belief, but he’d finally found the pesky programming error in his newest program’s million lines of code, and he’d managed to get all of his homework done, written and proofread, whatever those little wavy red lines on his screen might say. And now, even though he had a lot more work left to do, it was mostly general clean-up, and he decided he needed a break.
A very short break. A quick catnap on the couch, and then back to work. That’s all it would be; he couldn’t afford to waste time making it all the way back to his apartment, and he liked working in the lab when no one else was around. He grabbed his phone, eyes already burning at the bright light of his screen. He grumbled as he set an alarm for an hour and a half later; that didn’t seem like enough time at all, but he still had a lot of work to get through before he could go home. He set a couple more alarms just to be safe, and turned to set his phone down, already half asleep.
Only, there was nowhere to set the phone down.
Tony held his phone in mid air for a few seconds, too tired to think. Why wasn’t his hand letting go of the phone?
Oh right, because he was on a tiny couch with no visible horizontal surfaces nearby that weren’t the floor.
Why the hell didn’t he have a table or something nearby? Obviously the university hadn’t intended this couch to be used as a bed, but the lack of a flat surface in its vicinity seemed like a glaring design flaw. And Tony Stark could NOT work with design flaws. He needed one of those little bedside tables — what were they called, night-stands — right here in the lab. In fact, that would also solve the problem of where to set his Cokes down — he was trying to stay sober, and the sugar rush from a Coke was just annoying enough to make him forget his cravings for alcohol — when he’d littered the whole place with blueprints and outlines. In fact, it was such a good idea that Tony decided he’d get one right now.
Tony typed out a quick post on the university’s student union page, where people generally were willing to swap or donate items their fellow students needed. Given that it was the middle of the night, however, there were a grand total of zero replies, and Tony fell asleep with his phone still clutched in his hand.
Tony was startled awake as the doors to the lab hissed open. Bruce Banner walked in, smiling slightly as he caught sight of his friend, dazed and only half awake on the couch.
“Did you not go home last night?” asked Bruce, settling down in his own corner. Tony shook his head, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
“I must’ve slept through my alarm,” he said, yawning. He wrinkled his nose. “I smell like shit.”
“You look like shit, too,” said Bruce mildly. “Why is your phone on the floor?”
“Ah fuck, I fell asleep holding it,” said Tony, grabbing his phone and examining the screen for cracks. Luckily, it looked fine. The screen came to life as Tony’s fingers moved over its surface, and Tony gaped at the dizzying number of gray rectangles that appeared.
“Did I win the lottery last night?” Bruce raised a questioning eyebrow. “Why do I have so many notifications? And on Facebook, of all things?”
Bruce shrugged, but before he could say anything, the lab doors slid open again, and Peter Parker came dashing through, panting. He caught sight of Tony and immediately broke out into gleeful giggles. Tony gave him a disdainful look; Peter was smart and a nice person, but he wasn’t exactly keen on sharing his lab with a freshman five years younger than him.
“Kid, are you high?”
“I’m not high,” Peter said, still grinning like a cat. “You sure do seem like you had a good night, though.”
“I slept in the lab and now my back is killing me,” Tony grumbled. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Peter’s eyes grew wide and confused, and then disgusted. “Oh my god, did you have sex in the lab?!”
“You’re too young to know that word,” said Tony automatically. “And no, of course I didn’t. Are you sure you’re not high?”
“But… but what about your post?” Peter’s brain must’ve fried up from all the final-year classes he was taking, because the kid was making no sense. Even Bruce had paused to follow the conversation, his face as confused as Tony’s.
“Peter, what post?”
“The thing you posted to Facebook last night!” Peter reached for his phone, just as it clicked in Tony’s head. Right, he’d made that stupid, sleep-deprived post about wanting a night stand. Thinking about it now, it was dumb, and he probably wouldn’t have done it if he was awake and in daylight. But why was Peter making such a big deal about it?
“Look what you posted!” said Peter, thrusting his phone into Tony’s face. Tony read it through once, face wrinkled in confusion, and then read it once more. He almost dropped Peter’s phone, groaning in horror as it finally dawned on him.
Wanted: One night stand, please. Preferably white, and not too big. Must not be previously used.
Tony was going to kill himself. He really was.
“Fuck me,” he said, dropping back onto the couch. Bruce, with Peter’s phone in his hand, couldn’t hide his smirk, while Peter was full-on giggling.
“Did you get what you were looking for?”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,” Tony growled. Peter only laughed harder, and even Bruce had to crack a smile. “I wanted an actual night stand, fuck, why does anyone give me access to the internet when I haven’t slept, Jesus fuck…”
“You should read the comments, Tony, they’re hilarious,” said Peter, thrusting his phone under Tony’s nose again. Tony scanned the hundreds of comments under his post, his embarrassment rising with each one. No wonder he had so many notifications.
“‘Does it count if only one of my holes was used?’,” read Peter, giggling, “‘Damn I guess Tony Stark doesn’t like the BBC’ — that’s kinda racist, isn’t it, Bruce? — ‘The best part of this post is the word ‘please’ that’s so cute for no reason’ — yeah Tony, nobody asks politely for a one-night stand — ‘Glad to know Tony Stark isn’t a size queen’ — that seems kinda offensive too — ‘Can everyone—’ — wait, no, that one isn’t funny…”
“You mean there’s someone in this place making shitty jokes about me taking it up the ass? That’s not new,” said Tony bitterly. Five years he’d been in this place, and he still couldn’t shake off the homophobes. “Whose comment is it?”
“It’s Steve Rogers’,” said Peter, “but it’s not—”
“Why am I not surprised?” Steve Rogers was the captain of the football team, a complete jock if there ever was one. He was a walking stereotype, big and jacked with blond hair, blue eyes, and women following him around like lovesick puppies. Tony wouldn’t admit it, but he’d nursed a slight crush on the man at first, when Steve had shown up as a freshman and immediately turned his bright smile Tony’s way one fine day. He clearly was straight, so Tony had stayed out of his way, but the man had been the star of a few — very few — of Tony’s most private fantasies. After what Peter said, though, any admiration he had for the man disappeared instantly.
“Of course it’s Steve Rogers. Always the manliest men that hate the gays, huh?”
“Tony—”
“And to think I thought he was a nice guy too, clearly his stupid blue eyes are fake and full of lies, that homophobic bastard—”
“Tony!” yelled Peter again. “Steve wasn’t saying anything mean about you. He’s actually trying to defend you… look.”
Handing his phone to Tony again, Peter pointed out Steve’s comment to Tony.
Everyone back off Tony. Everyone knows what he meant, and your shitty jokes aren’t funny anymore. What the hell is wrong with you people?
Oh
Peter scrolled past the rest of the comments, and Tony noticed, with a sinking heart, that almost half of them were from Steve, replying to the particularly edgy, egregious jokes. The guy clearly had too much time on his hands.
“Oh.”
Bruce raised his eyes in Tony’s direction. “What was it about the book and the cover and the not judging, Tony?” Tony felt his face flush.
“In my defense—” he started, but paused as his phone vibrated on his lap, and then vibrated again only a couple of seconds later. He glanced at his screen, and then felt his jaw drop.
Two messages from Steven G Rogers
Why the hell was Steve Rogers texting him?
Tony gripped his phone tightly. He couldn’t answer those texts; Peter and Bruce would tease him for the rest of their lives. Plus, he’d been a little shit, and he felt guilty, even though Steve obviously had no idea what Tony had just said and thought about him. Tony also still had so much work to do…
On the other hand, Steve Rogers was texting him.
“I’m going to take a shower,” he squeaked, grabbing his bag with one hand, and gripping his phone tightly with the other. “Peter, just… do something ‘til I get back.”
Rushing into the small shower — which was technically only supposed to be used as a decontamination shower, but really was only used by lazy college students who wanted to go straight out after a long day in the lab — Tony finally read Steve’s texts
Hey! I know we’ve never spoken before, but I just wanted to say I’m really sorry about what’s happening with the post you made. Some of those comments are absolutely vile, and you nobody deserves to be spoken to like that
I’m Steve Rogers, by the way. In case you didn’t know
Tony’s phone buzzed again.
I’m sorry if it’s creepy that I just texted you out of the blue
Tony bit his lip, took a deep breath and texted back.
NO, it’s okay! Thank you so much for, uh, defending my honour I guess
Steve’s reply came not a second later
That’s probably creepy too
I’m sorry, but I couldn’t shut up and watch those homophobic assholes spew their bullshit any longer
Tony smiled slightly. This entire interaction was weird and unexpected, but it was also sweet. Steve Rogers was a nicer man than he’d expected.
Eh, it’s okay, I’m used to it
Thanks anyway tho
You shouldn’t be used to it, that’s the whole point!
Steve’s frustration was so palpable even through a phone screen, that Tony had to grin. A few seconds passed before his phone vibrated again.
Can I tell you a secret?
Idiots like those are the reason, uh
I haven’t really come out yet
Tony’s jaw dropped
You’re bi too?!
Gay, I guess
Shit I’ve never told anyone before
Oof, that must be tough, having to hide it for so long
I’m so sorry Steve
Eh, it’s okay, I’m used to it
Tony burst out laughing
You little shit
I’m trying to cover my fear with humor
By the way, if you still want a night stand
I’m white and not too big. And I’ve definitely never been used before :)
Tony grinned, clutching his phone tight.
Oh, I am going to have so much fun with you, Steven Rogers.