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It’s the sixth week after TK comes home–to their home –when he finally cracks.
He’s been doing much better lately. His breathing treatments are further apart and the doctors say it won’t be long before he can stop them entirely. He doesn’t get winded going for a walk to the little corner store with the amazing deli twice a week. He’s even able to do a passable weight lifting routine in the living room (nothing like his usual routine from when he was an active firefighter, but still it’s an accomplishment).
His doctor has even cleared him for light duty, his first shift of which is Monday.
But tonight is Friday, and TK is humming with an energy that has been making its presence known more explicitly with each passing day.
He’s never claimed to be a monk, even when he and Carlos were apart. No, he hadn’t sought the company of anyone else – it hadn’t even crossed his mind, what with the emotional whirlwind his life had become at that point – but he’d taken care of himself more often than not. And more often than not, he’d done it thinking about Carlos. As much as it pained him to do it while they were apart, as much as it hurt to conjure up the image of his former lover’s face and body and the memory of his dexterous touch against TK’s skin, he’d done it anyway.
It was a surefire finish every time.
Since his latest stint in the hospital, he’s had other shit to think about like his recovery and whether he was going to be able to sit upright long enough to eat dinner without keeling over in those first few days. But with each passing day it gets easier to remember what life used to be like. When he’d come home from a 24 hour shift to find Carlos swaying his hips to upbeat reggaeton in the kitchen, the smell of chili peppers sizzling into his nose. When they’d curl up on the couch to watch whatever reruns of The Office or Friends were playing, and not really paying attention to it.
Or when they’d slip into bed beside each other and gravitate together like two magnets with no other choice but to fuse themselves. The long, languid kisses Carlos would trail down the skin of his neck and shoulder, the feel of powerful arms honed for force gently embracing him in their protective cage. The intimate slide of their bodies against the sheets and each other, fingers grasping for purchase amidst the glisten of sweat in the heated Texas night. The whisper of Carlos’ voice in his ear, calling TK’s name as he buried himself inside.
TK is currently sitting on the couch pretending to read a book and just this slant of his thoughts has him nearly fully hard in his sweatpants.
However, he knows better than to ask for what he’s thinking of. One of the reasons he loves Carlos so much is his unwavering heart and his care for those he calls family. TK, now counted amongst that number, has been on the receiving end of Carlos’ care and attention since he was released from the hospital. It has involved the cooking of meals, the massaging of temples, the tucking of blankets, and the steadying of balance on numerous occasions. But TK has also been trying to push his boundaries as an invalid in the past week or so – since his doctor cleared him for “moderately vigorous activity”...
“I’ve been feeling great, Doc. Honestly I could start going for runs once or twice a week,” he said, hoping she’d be on board.
“I don’t know if I’d take it that far, but a 20-30 minute walk three times a week sounds good. It can be vigorous, you shouldn’t have to hold back to just a stroll. Work your way up to power walking,” she teased, though her smile was kind. TK had come to really like and trust her over the past few weeks since he’d been out of the ICU. It was why he was able to pluck up the courage to ask his next question.
“Okay, so…speaking of ‘vigorous’...” he began. She raised an eyebrow, but he could tell she knew exactly what he was going to ask. “What’s the timeline on…whether or not I can be, uh…intimately–” he struggled for a delicate way to put it, but she cut him off.
“You have a partner?” she asked. He knew she already knew the answer, technically, but TK had never said outright what he and Carlos were.
"Yes.”
“That sweet police officer that left a permanent imprint of his body in the chair next to your bed for the entirety of your stay with us?”
TK felt like he was being teased by a particularly tipsy wine aunt, but he couldn’t fault her.
“Yes, ma’am.” He couldn’t help the blush he could feel darkening his cheeks. She took pity on him finally.
“Alright, Mr. Strand. I’m going to speak as a medical professional here, and nothing else. If you wish to engage in sexual activity, up to and including penetrative intercourse, I can say it should be alright but with a few conditions for the time being.”
TK was stuck on the phrase ‘penetrative intercourse’ because honestly, he’d never heard anything less sexy sounding. Then he registered her next words. “Conditions?” he repeated.
“Yes. Now, please do not take this as me dictating your personal life. I’m only looking out for your safety. If you really can’t wait, I’d recommend activities and positions that significantly reduce or completely eliminate the strain on you.” TK felt his blush deepen, but she just looked at him as if she expected him to nod like he understood, so he did. “Your lungs are still weaker than you think they are, and while you don’t need to worry about muscle atrophy, your diaphragm is not going to expand like it used to for a good while.” She paused a moment more, before adding a little more candidly, “Lay back and let him do the work, is what I’m saying.”
“Mmhmm, yeah, okay. Got it. Loud and clear. Uh huh,” he babbled. His face burned.
"And one more thing, while we’re on the subject,” she added as he began rising from his seat to go, feeling like this meeting could not end fast enough. “Concerning oral sex.”
TK choked on air for a moment but recovered quickly enough that he didn’t think she’d noticed.
“Receiving is fine, as long as you follow my guidelines from before. But you are forbidden to give.” She raised an eyebrow again, waiting for him to respond.
“What?” he sputtered. “I…uh…” he foundered a bit before he figured, fuck it , this coversation had been a rollercoaster already. “It’s just, I feel like… that …is the thing that’s like, at the top of the list of things that he deserves at this point? After everything?” TK wasn’t sure why he was prolonging this conversation, but he was honestly at his wits end about it anyway.
She gave him an unimpressed look. “Mr. Strand, you were intubated. You’re a paramedic, you know what that means. Don’t do anything that could damage the already raw state of the area, okay?”
“Oh my god…” he breathed, and he could feel the blush creep down past his collarbone.
“All of this is perfectly normal to be concerned about, there’s no reason to be embarrassed. Trust me, you are far from the first person to ask me such things and you won’t be the last.”
“Uh…yeah…okay. Thanks, Doc.” he turned to leave, desperate to end this exercise in humiliation.
“See you in a week, have fun!” she called as he exited to the reception area, face flaming.
TK can’t deny that he’s glad he had the conversation though. Because he definitely knows if he tries to bring it up with Carlos, he’ll be much more cautious than the doctor had been. At least now, he has ammo to rebut with.
“Hey baby?” he calls to Carlos, who is wiping down the kitchen counters from their earlier cookie-baking shenanigans.
“Mmm?” is the reply.
“Come here, please?” TK puts on his best puppy face when Carlos turns to face him, dish towel thrown over his shoulder. He just smiles when he sees his boyfriend’s begging face, and turns to put down his towel and the cleaning spray on the counter; dropping everything because the love of his life asked for his attention.
TK can work with that.
Carlos comes to sit on the couch but leaves a foot between them. TK remedies that by crawling into his lap amid startled protests and halfhearted shoves to get him to stop. He just smiles into the kiss Carlos gives him, the one that stops before anything can get heated. Just as it has for the past six weeks.
Before that had been a necessity, but now that TK knows they could take it further, it’s an annoying hurdle.
“Yes, Tyler?” Carlos intones like a frustrated teacher, though his fond smile ruins the effect.
“I’ve been thinking,” he begins.
“Always dangerous,” Carlos teases. TK just gives him the stink eye. “Fine, fine, I’m sorry. Go on,” he laughs.
TK takes a few moments to gather his thoughts, and also to leave Carlos hanging in retaliation for the teasing. “I miss you,” he settles on, because it’s true. Sure, they’ve been back together and living in each other’s space for weeks now, but it’s been a slow burn. A simmer under TK’s skin like he’s been standing on a platform waiting for a train to begin an important journey and all that whizzes by him minute after minute is the cool breeze. The tension within stretches thin with each passing day and he’s slowly starting to unravel at the seams.
“I’m right here, love,” Carlos answers sincerely, all teasing vanished, because he’s a goddamn saint. “I love you and I’m right here for you. You can come to me with anything, okay?”
“I know that,” TK sighs. “I just mean…Okay, so like. You know the other night when we were making out in bed, and I was trying to pull you closer and you told me you had to wake up early so we shouldn’t start anything?”
Instantly he can feel Carlos tense under him. Probably because TK knows Carlos had nothing to do that morning anyway and he’d been trying to steer TK away from sex because he was afraid of hurting him, but also afraid of offending him. Hence the white lie.
“TK–”
“No, listen. I understand why you did it. I understand why you’re afraid. But remember what led to us being apart in the first place? Not communicating. So, I’m trying to communicate here.”
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“I miss you,” he says again, but with a different inflection that Carlos immediately catches, TK can see it in his face. “I miss your hands on me, I miss feeling your touch all over.” He’s scooted into Carlos’ space even more – as much as he can when he’s already in his lap – and he’s practically speaking directly into his ear, firmly laying the words into his skin.
“I miss feeling you here with me, and before you say anything,” he says before Carlos can interrupt, “you know exactly what I mean. We’ve been…careful with each other since I’ve been home. I know why you’re careful with me, that part’s obvious. But do you know what makes me want to be careful with you?” he asks as he sits back to look his boyfriend in the eye again.
Carlos’ hands have made their way to rest on TK’s thighs, solidly holding but not attempting anything stronger, no fingers digging in or pulling closer, nearly proving TK’s point. He shakes his head and looks questioningly at TK, waiting for him to continue.
“I hurt you, really hurt you, Carlos. By all accounts, I don’t really deserve to have you in my life anymo–”
“No, TK. That isn’t true and I won’t hear you say anything like that anymore.” Carlos’ words are pointed and hard, no room for argument. “You were scared, you felt cornered, and you reacted. It’s like you said, we should have communicated. We already talked about this. Extensively .”
“I know, but just hear me out, okay?” He waits for Carlos to settle again, and rests a hand on his cheek to make sure he has his full attention and Carlos isn’t still stewing. That he’s in the here and now. “I did hurt you. Not only by walking out, leaving you alone and pulling us apart, but when I was in the hospital. Sure, yes, we’ve talked about how I take risks I shouldn’t take – and we can argue later about each side of that coin – but the fact remains I did take a risk and while it worked out in one way, it went bad in another. My actions led to you feeling helpless and hopeless and heartbroken for days because you had no idea if we’d ever get any closure. We’ve been in limbo for months and Carlos, let me tell you, seeing you that morning at the furniture store…it was…” he fights to find the words, and comes up short.
Carlos sniffles and says nothing, looking him in the eye and not wavering.
“I don’t know if I said this before, but your expression when you turned around to face me when we showed up? That was the first thing I thought about when I felt myself hit the water. For a split second, I thought I was dying, and all I could think was that we left things so stupidly…stilted? And that I’d have no chance to get my own head out of my ass because I was going to die there. Then, you know, my brain switched back on and I did my job like I was supposed to.
“But then…then I was dying. I wasn’t all that…coherent or anything, but I remember thinking the same sort of thing: I felt so utterly stupid and stubborn for leaving things the way they were. I’d have given anything to just tell you I was sorry in that moment, then everything went black. And Carlos…” he heaves a breath, feeling the prick of tears behind his eyes but he turns his gaze up into the harsh brightness of the pendant light above and doesn’t let them fall, “when I opened my eyes and saw you there, I can’t tell you…can’t tell you what that meant to me. You didn’t have to be there. I’d pushed you away so firmly, and yet still you cared. You stayed with me, watched over me, even when my own father wasn’t there. You gave me your faith and your love and I know it drained you and I just…”
He hadn’t meant to get this far into his feelings, he’s just been wanting intimacy, but he finds once the flood’s started he can’t stop it. Carlos seems content to listen and he hasn’t looked away and TK is so so grateful this man exists.
“What I mean when I say I want to be careful with you is…you’ve been hurt, injured , just like I was. You’ve needed time to recover, to mend yourself, to take things slow and I get we’re doing that. But I think it’s time we take another step in the direction of…not who we used to be, because we can’t be that anymore, but something more evolved.”
He trails off, not quite done but having no more speech prepared behind his tongue, so he remains quiet for a moment.
“I understand what you mean,” Carlos says into the space between them. His hands have moved from simply resting on TK’s thighs up to his waist, holding like he’s steadying him, even though TK hasn’t felt himself off balance since he’s been in Carlos’ arms. It’s nearly unconscious at this point, he assumes, for Carlos to want to comfort someone he loves instead of receiving that comfort himself. He’s noticed through his speech that Carlos is listening but he doesn’t look like he’s actually absorbing what TK’s trying to say. He’s trying to remain strong in the face of TK’s emotions, and that’s not what TK wants.
“Do you? Look, I’ll put it another way. I know you’re probably going to think this is shallow, but I really do want to have sex with you right now. I need it, I think, and I’m trying to explain why so that you know it’s not shallow.”
“I don’t think it’s shallow–”
“Let me finish?”
“Is there any point where you get off this soap box and we actually take off our clothes?” Carlos teases, and TK knows the line is still open.
TK wriggles his hips a little and smirks. “I dunno. This is a pretty comfy soap box I’m on.” He smiles even while raising a disapproving eyebrow.
“Alright, fine. I’m done this time, I promise.”
“I love you,” TK says simply, because he needs to say it.
“I love you, too,” is Carlos’ immediate response. TK takes a deep breath and continues his logic.
“Look, we connected over sex in the first place. We both know we didn’t do much talking in between the first three or four times we slept together, and even after that we texted about dumb shit. We weren’t getting in deep, we weren’t trying to. But we did anyway. We both felt way more connected to each other than we should have after a few…admittedly fantastic fucks. We’ve talked about it before: we both felt the earth move a little each time even though we were trying to keep it casual.”
“Shallow or not, it’s a thing for us, is what you’re saying,” Carlos says.
“Yes,” TK breathes, relieved. “And like I said, after everything, I need that thing. I need to feel that connection. But all that I was saying before? I meant that you need it, too.”
“Oh?” Carlos doesn’t look sarcastic, only curious as to how TK will explain himself.
“Like I said, I hurt you. I was dying and we were apart but you still loved me and I still loved you but you had no way of knowing that for sure and yet you gave me all of yourself that you were able to give. You need this thing we have, because you need to feel me here , alive and well because I don’t think you’ve fully accepted it yet.”
He sees the moment he strikes a nerve, and he internally applauds himself for retaining such intimate knowledge of this man even after months apart. He remains silent and waits for Carlos to speak.
“You’re right,” he says softly. He sniffles again, and those deep brown eyes are glassy with unshed tears. “I don’t think I’ve…really let myself believe that you’re okay. That you’re alive, and you’re here and we’re home together and–” His breath hitches. “Yeah, just…you’re right.”
“Hey,” TK says cupping Carlos’ cheek once again before leaning in to kiss along his temple. “I’m here. I’m here, baby. And I’m never going anywhere again, not without you.” He presses his face into the spot he just kissed, feeling warmth and solidity and everything that Carlos has always represented. TK’s the shaky one, the one always walking a tightrope between fight and flight. He’s already made the decision to use Carlos as his anchor, to stop trying to go it alone when he doesn’t have to anymore. Now, he’s making the conscious decision to also do the same for Carlos – who is a master of hiding his emotions until they cannot be contained anymore, and by that time he’s lost his once strong grip on them.
The strongest presence in TK’s life needs a soft place to land, too, and he vows to be that, however he can.
Carlos reaches up to cup the back of TK’s head, angling him in for a deep kiss that curls his toes and stokes the flame in his belly back up from where it had waned during his impassioned plea. The bliss is short-lived though, as Carlos pulls back a fraction. TK huffs his disappointment before he can tamp it down.
“I just need to ask…are you sure you’re up for this? Should we ask your doctor? You’re still doing breathing treatments and–”
“She said it was fine, as long as I took it easy,” TK breathes out, trying to go back to kissing. Carlos pulls back even further with an incredulous expression.
“You asked your doctor if we could have sex?”
TK sighs again, resigning himself to his boyfriend’s over-caring, which he absolutely loves but will deny to his last breath. “Yes, of course I did, because I knew you’d ask this. She said sex is fine if I, and I quote, ‘lay back and let you do all the work’,” TK says, remembering his blush in her office and trying not to bring it back.
“Mmm,” Carlos hummed, a devilish smile finally replacing the carefully constrained concern of the past few minutes. “Taking care of you like you should be taken care of? I can get behind that. I’ve missed it. In that case–” and he moves to try and stand, but TK doubles down with as much strength as he can muster in his current position.
“No baby, please let’s stay right here, I don’t want to move,” he whines, wrapping his arms more tightly around Carlos’ neck.
A soft chuckle finds its way into his ear. “I hate to break it to you, mi amor , but if you want me to strip you down, we’re gonna have to.”
TK has never hated pants as much as he hates pants in this moment.
“Come on, sweetheart, let me take care of you.”
TK complies with as little protest as possible, and slides back until he’s able to plant his feet back on the floor and stand. He is pliant and warm as Carlos reaches underneath his black hoodie to caress the skin underneath, causing shivers to erupt all over. Those hands work the fabric up past his stomach, his chest, finally pulling at his arms and causing him to raise them over his head for Carlos to tug the hoodie all the way off. The cool air in the loft is a welcome on his heated skin, and he relishes every goose pimple that breaks out along his shoulders and arms.
“Beautiful,” Carlos murmurs, hands caressing over his jaw and neck, down over his gunshot scar, and trailing down his abs to the waistband of his sweats. They drop easily to the floor alongside the hoodie, and because TK came into this conversation prepared, there is nothing else to remove. He feels more than hears Carlos’ groan echo between them. The next kiss is even deeper than the last, the promise of more finally leaking through.
“My turn to take care of you,” TK says with a small smile. He begins with Carlos’ loose long sleeved t-shirt, bringing it up and over his body and using the motion to feel him up as much as he can. His hands skim across hard muscles and soft skin, a metaphor for Carlos’ vulnerable heart hidden behind a sometimes stoic facade. To TK it feels like home, the texture and scent of his beloved pulling him in with every touch, the pads of his fingers magnetized, sparking with electricity.
When Carlos’ head pops through the fabric and the shirt falls to the floor, TK’s thoughts stop short for a moment. He hasn’t been with anyone in nearly half a year and yes, he has definitely kept up a running rolodex of fantastic images from the course of their relationship to keep him company during his many nights alone, but seeing Carlos again in the flesh with the promise of what’s to come makes him shiver all over again.
He drops his fingers to Carlos’ belt, deftly pulling it out of its buckle and not bothering to remove it completely before going for the button and fly of his jeans. They’re tight fitting, because Carlos is a good Texas boy who knows he looks good in ridiculously tight jeans damn him , so when TK yanks the denim over his hips, his boxer briefs come with it, which is just dandy. TK knows he’s biting his lip and he looks like a virgin seeing his first cock, but he can’t help it.
He drops a little to guide the tight fitting fabric down and off Carlos’ ankles and for a moment he’s face to face with that absolutely gorgeous cock and he feels his mouth water. However, his doctor’s words from earlier in the week come back to him, and he knows that avenue is closed for the moment. It doesn’t help that his blush comes back in full force just as he thinks about it, and Carlos notices.
“What?” he asks as TK stands fully again. But TK’s not going to talk about it right now, so he just shakes his head and nudges Carlos to sit back down on the couch before straddling him once more and oh , naked couch cuddling is definitely a thing he missed.
There’s something uniquely intimate about the skin on the backs of his thighs being tickled by the coarse hair along Carlos’ own powerful quads that TK gets lost in for a few moments.
“You with me, love?” Carlos says into the skin of his shoulder as he folds his arms around TK’s waist again.
“Yeah, yeah, just… shit I missed this.” TK slides his hands up through Carlos’ curls, scratching lightly and causing the man to bite his lip as TK presses their foreheads together. He adjusts his position a bit, which causes their cocks to slide against each other and even dry it feels incredible and they both let out soft moans.
“Me too, baby. But I hate to break it to you, but you’re gonna have to get up again,” Carlos says softly, still soaking up the feeling of TK’s fingers in his hair.
“Why?” TK whines.
“Well, at some point, we’re gonna need lube. And it’s not like we’ve had reason to stash some around the place yet, so…”
“Ah, you underestimate my determination,” TK teases, reaching over to the far right side of the couch and rooting around underneath the cushion until his fingers alight on hard plastic and he pulls the bottle free. He wiggles it in front of Carlos’ face with a grin.
“You really did think this whole seduction thing out beforehand, didn’t you?”
“Mmmhm, yeah,” TK says into another kiss while he presses the bottle into Carlos’ palm. “Come on, baby, get me ready.”
“You don’t want to take this a little slower?” Carlos asks, the concern in his voice bleeding through the need threatening to overtake it.
“We’ve waited long enough as it is,” he answers. “I want you, baby. Now .”
“Yes sir,” Carlos quips with a smile and another kiss to TK’s lips, which are already feeling swollen and isn’t that a wonderful thing to feel again? “But,” he interrupts, “you have to promise to tell me if you need to pause or stop, okay? Please promise me you’ll listen to your body and take care of yourself?”
“I promise,” TK says sincerely, making sure he maintains eye contact so Carlos knows he means it, down to his soul. He doesn’t want to hurt his beloved again when it could be prevented. He’ll monitor himself closely just to make Carlos happy.
TK continues kissing Carlos all over his face, completely uncaring of how he’s hindering the man from slicking up his fingers. He’s just along for the ride however and whenever they get to their destination.
When he feels the first slippery digit caress across his hole, he lets out a sound he had forgotten he was capable of making – a high pitched whine of want that echoes through the room. Thankfully, Carlos takes the hint and begins circling and slowly working that finger inside, barely a stretch but so much sensation that TK has trouble focusing on kissing anymore. He lays his head against Carlos’ temple again so he can hone in on the feel of Carlos opening him up.
Once Carlos’ middle finger is steadily and easily moving in and out of him, he feels another slide up beside it without having to ask. Carlos seems to pick up on his neediness growing with each passing moment, because he wastes no time working TK up to three fingers in a matter of minutes, pumping slowly and subtly spreading them just a bit as he bottoms out at the knuckle, and TK bites his lip hard to keep from whining louder. He’s started moving his hips in time with the movements of those fingers, unable to keep himself from following the rhythm of pleasure unfurling from Carlos’ expert touch.
Carlos’ free hand is holding steady at his hip, occasionally squeezing enough that he traps a bit of TK’s flesh in the pinch of his palm and TK relishes the soreness he’s going to feel in the morning. It’s not rough treatment, but it’s more than Carlos has been comfortable offering before now, because he’d been afraid to hurt TK, as if he was still fragile enough to shatter. As if TK wouldn’t shatter without this treatment now, if he was denied it.
“Come on, come on, please, I’m ready…” TK’s begun to babble pleas at Carlos, who is relentless in his methodical precision as he moves his fingers inside TK, alighting on deep seated zones of pleasure that TK has never been able to find on himself and he thinks it’s probably because Carlos is superhuman when it comes to making TK feel good because god .
“I don’t want to hurt you, love. Just a little more, okay?” he soothes into the pulse point under TK’s jaw. TK has noticed Carlos’ obsession with his pulse points lately. A hand caressing his arm when they’re in bed, ghosting over his brachial artery. When they kiss, fingers pressed to his carotid just firm enough to feel the thump against the pads. When they’re laying on the couch, TK’s feet in Carlos’ lap, and those same fingers press into the point just next to his ankle. He can’t fault Carlos for always checking – he knows PTSD when he sees it, no matter how “mild” it might be – and he loves that he gets to satisfy Carlos’ craving to feel life thrumming through his veins.
He feels a fourth finger sneak it’s way in next to the rest, and he keens in the back of his throat, uncaring what the neighbors will think because he gets to live in this moment and he’s not going to hold back for god or money.
TK doesn’t have words for a long while, just riding the wave of sensation that he’s missed for so many months. It’s when Carlos removes his fingers that he snaps back into the present moment, readying himself for what’s coming next, relishing it. He picks himself up just a bit so Carlos can reach around him and position himself, lining them up. Then Carlos’ hands are back on his hips, guiding him to ease down back into his lap.
TK lets out a moan that reverberates off the walls of their cavernous living room as the head of Carlos’ cock slips inside him, the stretch so sublime he gets lost in it once again. The hands are still guiding him, dropping him down onto Carlos slowly but deliberately, and he feels each inch as it enters him, like coming home.
“Oh my god , TK, you… fuck –” It seems Carlos has also lost his grip on language, but that suits TK just fine.
They sit there for a moment once TK is fully seated against Carlos’ thighs once again, just reveling in the sensation of being connected once again in that way that harkens back to their beginnings. TK was right, the sex had never been casual no matter what the two of them tried to say about it back then.
Their breathing evens out over the course of the next few minutes, as they adjust to being this close again without moving around much, just feeling the connection. They exchange kisses that don’t go anywhere, and hands roam leisurely up and down arms and chests.
“You alright?” Carlos asks. TK hears the real concern in his voice and tries to soothe it.
“I’m fantastic, I promise.”
“Good, then hang on,” Carlos says before not giving TK any time to anticipate his next move. He grips TK’s thighs firmly and heaves them both up off the couch, and TK barely has the presence of mind to snag the bottle of lube before it’s out of his reach.
“What the hell?’ TK laughs as he hangs on for dear life while Carlos makes his way back to the bedroom.
“You said to let you relax, that I should do all the work. That’s not gonna happen if you try and ride me on the couch, babe,” he answers with infuriating logic. Then again, TK is getting to experience his boyfriend’s brute strength the likes of which have entered his masturbatory fantasies on more than one occasion in the past months apart. Being manhandled always has turned him on, and Carlos knows this, hence his smug little smile when TK braves a look at him.
He’s gently lowered onto the bed, Carlos somehow never slipping free of his body, and they resume their gentle rhythm of kissing and TK unconsciously swiveling his hips just to feel the movement of Carlos inside him while they remain relatively still.
Before long, however, TK gets impatient for more. He starts moving his hips a little more, his breathing picking up with the effort of trying to urge Carlos to move, letting out little mewls all the while.
“Alright, sweetheart, alright. Let me love on you,” Carlos whispers between kisses, and TK tries to relax as Carlos begins to move.
It’s subtle at first, just a small swivel of his hips similar to what TK had been doing, just alighting the nerve endings and sending little zips of pleasure up TK’s spine but nothing earth shattering. Just sweet, slow love making that could last for hours or days.
But then he gets more intent with it, pulling out almost entirely before easing back in slowly, inch by inch, until their hips are flush again. It’s like he’s savoring it, every moment, just like TK asked him to, because it’s true: they need this. Carlos giving in to that need is a tender thing that clenches TK’s heart.
Meanwhile, TK’s hands are everywhere because he can’t keep them still. They’re running through Carlos’ hair and down the back of his head and neck, pulling him in for deep, languid kisses that take their breath away. They’re working their way slowly down the front of his torso, feeling every peak and valley of the most glorious abs TK has ever seen on another human. They’re reaching down to his hips, pulling Carlos into him – or trying to, except Carlos is setting a slow and deliberate pace that TK can’t hope to hurry along, because Carlos keeps stopping, burying himself deep and rolling his hips and causing TK to gasp and cry out every time he tries to take the reigns.
“Relax, love, come on,” he says into TK’s mouth on the next kiss as he pulls out and thrusts his hips just a little bit quicker this time. TK’s body clenches around him which causes them both to moan out loud this time, feeding off each other.
They’ve had a number of amazing sexual encounters before but this is…different. TK feels as if time itself has slowed to a crawl to allow them to have this moment for as long as they want. It’s honestly a little cliche and twisted, TK thinks to himself, to put this much stock in sex, but he can’t help the way it feels. It’s about being close to Carlos again, and allowing Carlos to be close to him in return. It’s about the vulnerability of allowing someone so close at all, and the feeling of knowing he won’t be compromised in the end, that he’ll be taken care of and he can take care of his partner in return.
He’s still trying to forcefully pull Carlos closer as their pace picks up; he’s desperate for every part of them to meld together and despite the incredible feeling of Carlos thrusting a little bit quicker and grazing his prostate every few strokes causing lightning to burst behind his eyes, he can’t help that the position is hindering this need to fit them together like puzzle pieces.
“What’s wrong?” Carlos asks, because at this point they might as well be one person and Carlos knows his frustration even though he’s sure he hasn’t shown it on his face through the absolute bliss he’s otherwise feeling. “Talk to me, love.”
The sweat clinging to Carlos’ brow is beautiful, his smile genuine, his concern endearing. TK has trouble with words for a moment.
“It’s not enough,” he manages through his panting breaths. “I need…” he trails off, but his hands scrabble over Carlos’ skin again, trying to pull him in but the position renders his efforts nearly useless.
“Okay, okay, sweetheart, hang on.” Carlos kisses his forehead and pulls out, much to TK’s loud protest, but a smile and a caress on the cheek is all he gets before he’s being maneuvered up onto his knees. Carlos very gently coaxes him into the position he wants him in, facing the headboard with hands on it to steady himself, kneeling but up off his feet, stance rather wide so Carlos can slip his own knees in between TK’s.
“Alright, sit back against me, slowly, that’s it baby…” he coos as TK follows his instruction, sitting back as if he’s going to sit on his heels until he encounters Carlos instead, slipping inside of him again to the tune of TK moaning loudly again, the pitch kicking up higher as he keeps lowering himself practically into Carlos’ lap until they are spooned up against each other, which causes Carlos to reach depths heretofore uncharted. TK feels Carlos everywhere , they are touching at nearly every point of their bodies and yes, yes , this is what he wanted.
He’s even able to comfortably hold himself in place, not using too much effort, while Carlos moves his hips and grinds up into him. They both groan at the sensation of being so deep, so molded into each other.
Soon enough, TK gets impatient and pleads for more.
“Please, baby, please–”
“What is it, TK? Tell me what you want,” Carlos croons into his ear, his arms like a vice around TK, holding him hostage but TK would never want to leave this prison.
“Harder, please…want to…” he pants through his plea, “want to feel you in the morning.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Carlos laments as he keeps up his steady pace that’s honestly driving them both mad at this point.
“You won’t, I promise to tell you if I need to stop, remember? I promise. Please, baby, please–”
“Okay, love, okay,” Carlos says as he takes TK’s hands and places them firmly against the wood of the headboard, curling his fingers around the top and making sure he’s got a good grip. “Just hold yourself in one place, alright?” He then places his hands on TK’s hips, guiding him up and slightly off of Carlos, leaving a few inches of space between them for Carlos to move.
Once he’s sure TK is relatively comfortable and staying stable with minimal effort, he wraps his arms around TK’s middle again, pressing his chest against TK’s back.
“You okay?” he asks. TK nods. Carlos takes a deep breath. “Okay. Hang on then, mi amor .” He gives TK a small bite to the juncture of his neck and shoulder, the only warning before the storm.
Then, he starts to move. It’s slow at first, reminiscent of the beginning when they were face to face, but he quickly picks up the pace. His arms are a cage around TK, protecting him, holding him in the moment as Carlos’ movement starts to get pointed enough that the sound of their hips hitting each other is starting to echo through the room.
TK wants him to know he’s on the right track, so he starts babbling words instead of just sounds. “Yeah baby, yeah, fuck , just like that–”
Each thrust sends an electric jolt up TK’s spine, every stroke hitting home inside him like he was meant to be only a vessel for this height of pleasure. God almighty he’d missed this so much.
“TK, oh god, baby, you’re so beautiful, I love you so much, fuck, yes baby–” TK isn’t the only one without a filter it seems. He revels in Carlos’ running commentary on how much he loves him, how sexy he is, how he’s so glad they get to have this. He listens to Carlos finally give himself over to the moment, even though he’s sure there’s still the worry in the back of his mind, it’s been quieted in favor of this.
The pace Carlos sets now is relentless, heeding TK’s pleas of harder, harder, please until each thrust sends TK nearly careening into the headboard, and he has to lock his elbows to prevent that from happening. Strong biceps are still locked around him, keeping them from getting too far from each other regardless of the earthquake going on in this bed.
Every sensation is magnified tenfold because TK has been imagining this, wanting this, needing this for much longer than he cares to admit. And sure, he’d said as much in his long winded speech earlier, but he doesn’t think he can convey to Carlos – at least not in this moment – how scared he was when he started noticing the gray creeping into his world again. When TK walked out, he triggered a backwards spiral that had him walking through his days like a spectator, not really in reality. He was so touch starved after just a week that he’d routinely ask Mateo if he could half-cuddle with him while they watched TV.
But those memories pale in comparison to being so utterly owned down to his bones by this man who can shatter TK’s entire world with the flick of a wrist but chooses to lift him up instead.
The pleasure unfolds. On every stroke he shivers like a leaf in the wind, and every withdrawal rolls his eyes into the back of his head. It never stops, constantly grows and shifts and changes until the inevitable creeps in, and he feels it stoke the fire inside him.
He picks one hand up off the headboard to reach back and grip the back of Carlos’ head. Carlos has his face buried in TK’s neck, and TK can feel the sweat slick between them as Carlos continues to fuck up into him with unrelenting strength. He’s crying out words and sounds he doesn’t think about, just lets his body be and do and feel. He gives himself over to it all, relishing in it as it washes over him.
He’s so deep in it that as soon as Carlos gets a hand on his cock it takes less than two quick strokes over the head and his love’s strained voice begging him to come, sweetheart, come with me to have him spilling. TK heaves a gasp as he comes, every muscle in his admittedly weak body seizing up and zeroing in on how incredible he feels at this exact moment, a moment he hopes goes on forever. The waves roll over him, the shivers rock him so violently that he knows he’ll be sore in the morning in more than one place, and all thought leaves him except for this .
Except he’s not alone, and he doesn’t notice how long he’s drowning in bliss until Carlos whispers “breathe, baby, breathe,” into the skin of his neck and TK does, lets out a stuttering breath that causes a small coughing fit that he successfully fights down after a minute or so.
They’re still audibly panting when Carlos moves to slip out of him, holding him steady with both hands on his hips as he maneuvers them around to spoon on their sides. TK hits the bed with a thump and a huff, using his grip on Carlos’ wrist to pull him in closer behind him. Carlos just hums his contentment. They lay like that for long minutes that turn into hours, dozing on and off.
“Thank you,” TK whispers, not knowing if Carlos is even awake to hear it but needing to say it nonetheless.
“You too. You were right, I needed that,” comes the quiet answer from behind him, breath tickling the back of his neck.
“I didn’t think I’d get you to let loose like that. Like I said, you’re careful with me. I love that about you, though. That you care enough to save me from myself.”
“I figured if you could still talk and beg me for more, you were okay,” Carlos says and TK can feel his smile. “I’m glad you got the balls to ask the doctor about it, though, because I wasn’t looking forward to having to do it myself,” he chuckles.
TK laughs with him for a moment before he remembers the other embarrassing part of that conversation. “She did give me some not so great news, though.”
“Oh?” He can hear Carlos’ genuine concern.
“Yeah. She specifically said I couldn’t blow you. So, sorry, but you won’t get your proper ‘thank you’ for a while, babe.”
There’s silence for a moment before Carlos burst out laughing, causing TK to join in. They shake the bed for a different reason entirely, and it’s wonderful.