Chapter Text
The sword is aimed straight at his neck. It will spill blood in the next second.
Dimitri knows this feeling. The feeling of metal running through his flesh and bone. The taste of blood welling up his throat.
He experienced it all and more during the terrible tragedy that has upended his life. And he's forced to experience it again and again in his dreams.
He couldn't understand why the goddess ignored his pleas for mercy.
Why? Why did he have to go through this?
Dimitri just can't accept this. He can't accept dying so meaninglessly once again. He has to live. He was the only one to survive, so he has to keep moving forward and fulfill his obligations. If he dies, he can't do that.
But the sword will slice through his unprotected neck and render his survival meaningless.
Dimitri is afraid. He is also angry.
How can someone be so foolish as to die a second time, and so soon after the first? How could he be so weak and sacrilegious?
The scream that tears out of his throat is nothing but a guttural roar of pain and fury.
But then–
There is a flash, and the sound of ringing steel.
Truly, it appeared out of nowhere. Just like in the legends of old.
The assailant's blade is repelled. Sparks fly, and the blade is long gone. All Dimitri knows is that the figure who appeared is something inhuman, beyond his mind's comprehension.
Without hesitation, it drops down in front of him with an earth shattering crash, its wings spread wide open majestically on its sides. A medallion hangs proudly from its neck, shining darkly in the dim light.
Dimitri is certain that he'll remember this scene in the depths of his soul, even when he's been cast into the eternal flames.
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Normally, recurring dreams are supposed to be celebrated. Dimitri’s not sure how many times he’s had this dream, or how many times he needed to lie to the court physician about it. Those dreams are not supposed to include the most horrific moment in your life. He couldn’t bring himself to talk about that day with anyone, especially not Lady Cornelia. It was the same question every year, as the royal advisors hoped that he had connected with his soulmate.
Specifically, the nobles hoped that he had connected to their daughters. In the eyes of the court, Dimitri finding his soulmate would mean that there would soon be an heir when they were both old enough. It was a union ordained by the goddess and blessed by Saint Cethleann. Those who were fortunate enough to find their soulmates are supposed to have a life of love, happiness and fertility. As an added bonus, as the other nobles put it, a soulmate pair was almost always guaranteed to have a child with a crest.
There are various studies in Fodlan about soulmates and the bond they share. One famous example of the proof of a soulmate bond is the ability to visit each other in dreams and bring comfort to one another when the distance keeping them apart is too great. It is supposed to help them find each other.
The idea of a soulmate, someone out there whom he belongs with, is a tiny yet comforting balm to his heart. Dimitri longs to share a connection with someone rather than the supposed benefits that come with the bond.
His subjects and his advisors don't understand that. He knows that if he revealed the truth, they would send out droves of messengers to all corners of the Holy Kingdom and even beyond, calling for the presence of the crown prince's chosen one.
That is the last thing he wants. He wishes to cherish his soulmate, not make a public spectacle out of her.
He hopes that his private research is correct and a string of fate is connecting them somehow, but all he knows is that her presence in his dreams as a protector is a welcome one. He does not know why she takes the form she does, but she is beautiful. Over the years her influence has made his dreams less bloody, but he still has yet to see her face.
Dimitri wants to see her.
He wants to meet her, and share a conversation with her. He wants to express his gratitude for her steadfast support these past four years.
Still, he doesn't allow himself to hope. There is always the possibility of the two of them never crossing paths with one another. Or worse – she would see him in all his broken glory, and refuse him outright. Dimitri considers himself stable these days, but he isn't sure if he still has the capacity to accept another wholeheartedly into his life, and love her the way she deserves. Is he even worthy to stand at her side?
For all his doubts, Dimitri continues to dream, and when he is awake he can't help but selfishly hoard the slivers of warmth her presence would bring to him.
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Dimitri stands outside the home of a mercenary captain in Remire village, hoping to gain protection from the bandits chasing him and his companions, when their first meeting happens suddenly and without warning.
The Ashen Demon is not who he expects to see, much less the legendary Blade Breaker. What's even more startling is the medallion at her neck. The dragon guarding his dreams wore the same one, he's sure of it, down to the pink hue of the tassel that would contrast against the obsidian scales.
His heart begins to pound. Dimitri can’t seem to take his eyes off it.
Dimitri wants to get closer and learn more about her, but it's not that simple. How does he even broach the subject without alarming her? His past research into soulmates is purely academic; he has never studied the social aspect of it. He always told himself back then that he would never be so lucky to meet his soulmate in this life.
Now that he stands before her he finds that his tongue is tied and his hands are sweating. Dimitri may have read dozens of volumes, but all that information does not help him in having a meaningful conversation to know her better. He knows that he isn’t imagining things, but the danger the group is in needs to be dealt with first.
"I guess they followed you all the way here. We can’t abandon the village now. Come on, let's move. Hope you're ready, especially you in the blue cape. Keep your eyes on the enemy, not my daughter." Jeralt’s voice shocks him out of looking at the medallion.
Beside him, Claude snickers and Edelgard is looking at him strangely. The Ashen Demon – no, his soulmate – has no visible reaction to seeing him. Could he be wrong about her identity? Or does he need to signal to her in some way? Before he can decide, the battle begins and Dimitri feels as if a golden opportunity has slipped through his fingers just like everything else in his life.
The way she fights is another clue into who she is. Her demeanor on the battlefield is cool and collected, her sword arm is a force to be reckoned with. Meanwhile, his own concentration is a lost cause. He should be focusing on the battle, but he can't stop his gaze from latching onto her elegant, yet deadly form.
Each time it happens, his father - Lambert - scolds him for his error. Glenn is the one who berates him for any injury he sustains while he’s distracted, but he presses on. Then she calls upon him to help her finish off the bandit leader. Fighting next to her almost feels surreal, but his carelessness earns him another unnecessary wound. He doesn’t wish to look weak in front of her so he does his best to soldier on.
Even through the pain and the harsh lecturing, Dimitri can't resist stealing another glance. It causes him to lag behind. A shout rings through the clearing and the bandit leader lunges towards Edelgard. At first, it seems that there is no time for the Ashen Demon to save her. He imagines the axe burying into her back, but there is no mistaking how the mercenary moves to parry the axe away from Edelgard. He knows that technique. It’s the exact same one that has saved him countless times in his nightmares.
When Alois joins the fray, Dimitri gets another chance to talk to her but the other two House Leaders prove to be just as persistent as him. Who wouldn't be, after witnessing her blade in action? Claude’s pointed comments make him feel as if he’s being too brazen, but he cannot let Edelgard snatch her out from underneath him.
Before he can make any progress he is reminded of his injury which needs to be tended to, and he’s pulled away to get it bandaged. Dimitri is kindly but firmly taken to the side and further away from her. In the midst of his mounting frustration, there is a positive note of their interaction: he’s finally learned her name.
"Byleth," Dimitri murmurs under his breath, over and over until it is indelibly imprinted on his mind. He discovers that he likes how it rolls off the tongue and it suits her.
Claude comes up to him with a smug grin. “You’ll be pleased to learn that Jeralt and his extremely attractive daughter will be escorting us to the monastery, but caution to the wise. The Blade Breaker has his overprotective eye on you, and unless you like the threat of danger, I would find something other than the war goddess in our midst to stare at.”
Dimitri blushes red before he holds up his hands. “No, heavens no! That was not what I was staring at.”
Claude’s grin only grows wider. “Then what’s so special about that medallion?”
Dimitri clamps his mouth shut before it can betray him any further. Claude is always up to schemes like this. What can he even say? “I’ve seen something like it somewhere before. It was dark and I was trying to get a closer look, that's all.”
“Too bad, and here I thought his royalness might actually be interested in a woman. Wouldn’t that be the gossip of the decade?”
Dimitri has to look away before he gives away any emotion on his face. That is precisely why he needs to be cautious about this subject. He doesn’t want any undue attention on Byleth ruining the way she lives her life. If she desires to walk away from him and not look back, he would need to respect her wishes.
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The nightmare always begins the same way.
Dimitri finds himself in agony at the hands of his tormentors, surrounded by pools of blood and burning flesh. Death comes straight for him, with the assassin's sword aimed at his neck, and he already knows he won't escape. Even so, he can't help one last desperate prayer for the goddess to save him.
This time however the dragon does not arrive. Instead, a swordswoman in black and gray appears, parrying the assailant's blade in that same familiar motion.
That night, the dream changed forever.
Dimitri's nightmares would surely continue to plague him, but in this bloodied wasteland he could finally see her true form as she turned around to face him.
His voice is frozen in his throat as he stares up at her. Likewise, she remains silent and watchful.
The lack of communication doesn't bother him at all. He's just happy that he could finally see the kindness in her eyes before she wraps her arms around him in an embrace so tender it nearly breaks him.
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Dimitri startles awake. This is normal for him. What isn't normal is the circumstances surrounding his abrupt awakening.
The night is cool and dark. In contrast, the stars in the sky are bright and numerous. The campfires have long been extinguished, but the moon shines down relentlessly, illuminating his unfamiliar surroundings.
Dimitri instinctively opens his mouth to call out to Dedue, his most trusted confidant and stalwart ally. But the second he tries, he begins to feel terribly sick. His stomach roils and his breath catches.
That's when his memories of the events that took place several hours ago catch up to his racing mind.
Right. Dedue isn't here. Their group is composed of only the three House Leaders, a handful of Knights of Seiros, and a band of mercenaries.
He doesn't want to cause any trouble for anyone in the camp so he clambers to his feet, intent on being sick in a more suitable location. He almost stumbles and falls, but manages to lean against the trunk of a nearby tree to support himself. The nausea only intensifies with every step he takes.
Dimitri doesn't understand why his condition is so terrible. Still, he's come this far so he has no choice but to see this through. He wipes the sweat away from his brow with his black uniform sleeve and wobbles in the direction of the river.
His whole body feels heavy and sluggish. He has to bite his lip to prevent himself from letting out any miserable sounds that would alert the ones on patrol. He needs to save face in front of the Church, the other two House Leaders, and especially the Blade Breaker.
When at last he makes it to the riverside, he quickly removes his gauntlets and gloves. The cold river water helps to stabilize him, and the nausea subsides bit by bit.
Dimitri gingerly lifts the hem of his uniform shirt to examine the bandages wrapped around his stomach. Once they return to Garreg Mach, his bruises will be tended to by the skilled healers employed by the Church. There is nothing wrong with that, of course.
But if he is to be confined to the healers' ward for any length of time, he will lose the precious chance that has fallen onto his lap tonight.
Even now his loved ones beseech him, berating him in low whispers for his dereliction of duty. But he's just too weak, too selfish and greedy to ever find the strength within himself to simply walk away from his soulmate without a word.
His soulmate .
The words feel heavy on the tongue, with a sort of weight Dimitri never experienced until now.
Dreams are one thing, but having her so close at hand is another. He thinks back to their introduction and wonders if he had been too forward then. Should he have kept her at arm's length? But what if his aloof behavior dissuaded her from getting to know him?
His thoughts are going in fruitless circles. The first thing he needs is to get some water to cool down this heat. Nausea almost keeps him from standing, but he manages it well enough. There’s a small river running near them that he can use.
The water feels refreshing and cool on his skin and it helps him think. He needs to find a way to get Byleth alone to speak with her. If she refuses to acknowledge their bond, he'll choose to forget everything he knows and let her live anonymously. The last thing he wants is to force her hand.
She would certainly be the center of attention if others discover what she means to him; they'd never leave her alone. Maybe he shouldn’t even talk to her at all if that's the case. Why does he think she'll ever accept him like this? How can he even consider this to be a good course of action?
The ghosts will not cease their mockery of him and his dreams for a future. Their reflections in the water only remind him how alone he is. Would Byleth’s reflection start to haunt him with dreams of what could have been?
A solemn stare from Patricia has him feeling the need to explain himself. "Is it so wrong to want someone to be with you?"
Patricia huffed. "Are we not enough? Haven't we always stayed by your side, guiding you over the years? Ungrateful, sacrilegious child."
Dimitri shook his head, that wasn’t it at all. "No, I have always cherished your memory–"
"Who are you talking to?" Dimitri’s head snaps towards the voice coming from the tree line. His mouth goes dry as soon as he realizes that it’s Byleth standing there.
He does his best to rise to his feet, turn to her, and make himself look presentable.
“Oh, that?” Dimitri prays that he can find a different subject but her gaze hasn't left him and he doesn’t know how long she’s been watching him. "I... sometimes talk aloud to myself when I'm thinking, that's all."
Byleth’s face is just as emotionless as before, but he can’t help but feel that he’s being scolded.
"It's dangerous to draw attention to yourself like that, especially when you’ve snuck off on your own." Her tone is bland, but she is clearly disapproving of his actions.
Ah. That means it's possible she followed him from the moment he left his tent, without his notice. But why reveal herself like this? If she only meant to keep an eye on him for his safety, she could have stayed hidden in the shadows until he returned to bed.
Her straightforwardness surprises him, but thinking about it, she must be here to speak with him about something. If she didn't have business with him, she would have stayed away.
What does a mercenary need to discuss with a prince? There really is nothing that comes to mind, and the contract work is negotiated between Captain Alois and the Blade Breaker.
Could it be? Could she have been awake at this time of night, waiting for a chance to speak to him about their fated bond as well?
Byleth picks her way through the trees, light on her feet, barely making a sound. She is beautiful and lithe in the moonlight. Dimitri can't take his eyes off her. The dragon’s movements had been much the same in his dreams. Just like that dragon, he knew that she could kill just as easily as she could protect.
Her violet eyes render him spellbound. He can almost hear the dragon roaring, just like it always does when it appears.
Once she's in front of him she turns her head away, but he still can't find it in himself to breathe. "I’m not good at this, so I'll get straight to the point.”
It's only now dawning upon him that this is his chance. "I'm not either, I never thought I’d have the chance to actually meet you in person."
At the same time as he’s pouring forth his excited chatter, Byleth says, "I'm sorry."
Dimitri almost cringes from his utter lack of courtesy. He should calm down and allow the conversation to flow naturally, not jump straight to the heart of the matter.
No, first of all, did she just apologize? ...Whatever for?
Byleth is staring at him like she's trying to gaze at his soul. Dimitri feels a lump in his throat and swallows hard.
"I'm... may I ask what for?" There. He's done it. He's regained some of his footing. "I don't recall you ever doing something that requires an apology."
"You were injured under my command."
Dimitri swallows again, this time his throat is completely dry. He was so busy watching her at the time. It was a stupid move that could have gotten him killed; his quest for justice cut tragically short.
"Well I...." Dimitri can’t form the words; what does he even say?
He hears Lambert scoff. "Just spit it out boy, I didn't teach you to dally in important matters."
"Have you heard of the concept of soulmates?"
Byleth puts her chin on her hand and considers his question for an awful long minute. "Not really."
Dimitri just keeps embarrassing himself over and over. Of course , she wouldn't really know. This is a topic mainly discussed between the nobility, not commoners. Dimitri glances at her face, which has remained unchanged throughout this entire exchange. She only came to apologize, for reasons that were never her fault to begin with.
He's imposing on her and he should stop, because she clearly doesn't care for this subject and she obviously doesn't recognize him. He has to accept this as a loss and move forward.
"...It's nothing important; my apologies for bringing it up and wasting your time. I accept your apology and I thank you for reaching out to me tonight."
Dimitri bows just as he's been trained to do since childhood, and his abdomen immediately suffers from doing it so quickly. Despite the pain, he maintains his perfect posture nevertheless and straightens back up without a single pause.
Without batting an eye, Byleth raises the question. "Why did you want to meet me?"
He finds that she's impossible to read. Does she actually care to know? If so, why?
Is this an interrogation?
"Do you ever have recurring dreams by chance? They would be the same every time with few variations, or at least the same subject in them, a dragon for example."
Byleth's expression changes slightly for the very first time; her brow furrows, and it's all he needs to see to understand that he put his foot in his mouth again. But he has to keep going.
"There's a legend that says two souls can meet in dreams and it’s theorized to help them find each other.” Dimitri looks down when he continues; he knows how unbelievable it must sound. “I have reason to believe we are one of these fated pairs ordained by the goddess.”
"What is the goddess?"
Dimitri's head jerks back up at the absurd question.
Surely she must be kidding. But her face is as cold and unchanging as ever. If he hadn't seen her brow furrow slightly he would have believed her to be a living statue.
It's unbelievable. How can a person live this long without knowing who the goddess is?
Dimitri feels his stomach sink; is she toying with him? Here he is, trying to open his torn heart to someone for the first time in half a decade, and she returns his sincerity with... whatever this is.
No, didn't she say earlier that she hadn't even heard of the Church of Seiros? It was an equally absurd notion he couldn't wrap his head around. Did she truly not know anything at all? If so, how can he convince her? He’s not sure what he can tell her that wouldn't sound like a fantasy.
He suddenly realizes that he can simply describe the dream he has of her. "Every night, for the past several years I've dreamt of you."
She’s not laughing at him, but the way she’s staring at him is unnerving. "And what am I doing in this dream of yours?"
He can’t pinpoint any emotional tell in her voice and his stomach sinks even further. "In the dream, you keep the assassin's blade from ending my life."
Dimitri takes a breath as he relives that moment once more. It used to make him panic as a child. Right now, while still shaken, he’s learned to block out the anxiety those memories bring with it. This woman standing before him is the reason for that.
"You have been such a comforting presence in my dreams, and I have nothing but gratitude for the hope you bring." He can't help but step closer, the urge to share everything he's kept hidden deep inside growing ever stronger.
At first, it feels like he has all the strength in the world, but then a bout of dizziness takes hold.
One moment he's fine and the next his nausea returns with a vengeance, strong enough to make him stumble. It’s suddenly hard to think and his strength betrays him. He collides with something on his way down, not realizing that they’ve hit the ground with him on top of her.
It doesn’t register in his mind what has happened, only that she feels so warm underneath him. It all feels like a dream within itself. He passes out before he can feel her push him off, nor did he see the panicked look on her face as she flees the area. All that he knows is for a fleeting moment, everything felt right in the world.
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Sylvain is the one in charge of officially introducing Byleth to the Blue Lions while Dimitri is in the medical ward. He’s curious about the beautiful young teacher and taking advantage of the fact that Dimitri isn’t around to thwart his advances. He’s jealous of how much Byleth is asking about Dimitri instead so he tells her a few exaggerations. They aren’t outright lies, so how could it hurt? No matter what class she’d teach he’ll be transferring to it anyway.
Claude joins up with them on their walk with a wink and a smile. Byleth is even more guarded the moment he joins them. Sylvain is irritated at Claude’s presence, but it’s the House Leader's questions that keep him from chasing him away. They also seem to be about Dimitri. Just what in the world happened out there?
Byleth spots Edelgard and she’s leaving them both behind to chat with her. It’s announced later that Byleth chose to teach the Black Eagles.
Sylvain gulps as he sees Dedue outside of the ward. It seems that word has already reached this far, of course it has, Manuela would take any opportunity for good gossip.
Dedue is a brick wall in front of the door as he looked down at him. “Sylvain, you were supposed to convince her to teach the Blue Lions. What happened?”
Sylvain shrugs, trying to act nonchalant. “It’s her choice to make. How should I know?”
“His Highness is not going to be happy about this. He is already lamenting his behavior.”
That piques Sylvain’s curiosity. “Do you know what happened?”
“Only that he keeps calling himself a fool and that he has ruined his only chance to make a good impression. I do not know why it matters to His Highness so much, but it was important to him that she at least be on amicable terms with our class. I do hope you have not made a fool of yourself or His Highness.”
Sylvain can only cringe as he remembers his wording to Byleth.
Dedue’s eyes narrow. “Sylvain, tell me exactly what you have told her.”
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Dimitri wakes up in a familiar room, it’s the medical ward at Garreg Mach. The events of the other evening almost have him leaning over the bed and throwing up. He could still remember how she felt under him. Goddess, she must think the worst of him. Dimitri puts his hands on his face before he runs them through his hair. He has to fix this. Somehow he needs to make this up to her.
He’s visited by Seteth, Rhea, and his other classmates. Jeralt glares at him as he passes by the door on the way to the knight captain's office. Claude comes in to nettle him, Rhea comes to make sure that he will be well. It’s Seteth that makes demands of him even though he’s on bedrest.
Just because Dimitri is convalescing doesn't mean he is free of his obligations as a House Leader. Seteth informs him that the Ashen Demon has been recruited as a teacher at their esteemed Academy, and Dimitri must choose a representative from the Blue Lions to take his place and formally introduce their House.
According to the various priests who come to see him, Dimitri is strongly advised against picking Dedue, a commoner, or someone who isn't of a "proper" rank to represent the Lions, which automatically disqualifies Ashe as well. Seteth apparently wanted Felix to assume the position but his childhood friend has completely vanished and is nowhere to be found. Ingrid is unavailable since she is committed to working at the stables that day. With his hands tied, there really is only one student he can ask.
Dimitri should have known better to trust him with such an important task. He only feels regret when Sylvain walks into the infirmary and his first words are, "Please don’t be angry!"
Dedue follows close behind and shuts the door behind them. “Your Highness. Sylvian has offended the new professor and has irrevocably ruined your honor.”
“It wasn’t all my fault! What did Dimitri do to make her so apprehensive of him in the first place? Why is Claude so interested in that thing hanging around her neck?”
Dimitri gulps in apprehension. “What did you tell her?”
Sylvain crosses his arms. “Why should it matter? It’s not like you would make any moves on the new teacher anyway. You wouldn't understand beauty even if it hit you in the face….”
Dimitri can feel his soul withering in his chest. “Due to my careless words the night before last, there might be a… slight misunderstanding between us."
Sylvain's jaw goes slack. "A slight misunderstanding? Forgive me, Your Highness, how do you accidentally give a woman the impression you want to make wild, passionate love to her under the moonlight? You, of all people?"
It's Dimitri’s turn to gape. “I never said anything of the sort! I only wanted to thank her for saving me, and compliment her form in battle. But then…." Dimitri can't help but remember the sensation of her lithe body in his arms, and how snugly they fit together. The way she smelled. How very similar it all was to his dreams.
"Yeees?" Sylvain’s cheshire cat smile only widens as he leans forward.
Dimitri covers his face with both hands. “I might have gotten dizzy enough to lose my footing and toppled us both to the ground.”
The interested expression is wiped clean off of Sylvain's face as he leans back. "You really had me going there for the first half, Your Highness. I don't know why I expected anything more."
Dedue gives Dimitri a pondering look, but he doesn't bring up the topic again. Instead, he offers to bring Dimitri some of his textbooks.
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The next day, Seteth announces that Byleth Eisner would be teaching the Black Eagle House and it takes Dimitri all of his willpower not to bury himself in his blankets at the news. It's all his fault. How could it not be? Sylvain's crass jokes wouldn't have had such an influence over Byleth's decision if it weren't for his own unforgivable blunder in the forest.
He has to look at the bright side. She is close by and no longer a mystery.
Dimitri resigns himself to the fact that his dream of her kind embrace will forever remain just that, a mere dream.
In reality, he can't expect Byleth's friendship, much less her hand in marriage. Her mission to guide the Black Eagles will always come first and so he shouldn't look to her for guidance either.
He alone must work to put the phantoms of his loved ones to rest and he won't force anyone to share in this terrible weight on his shoulders. What good is the Blaiddyd strength for, if it couldn't handle at least this much?
And even with that thought in mind, there is still a part of him that can't let them go.
He keeps himself at a polite distance during their Academy days but no matter what he does to suppress these illicit thoughts, his traitorous mind continues to harbor a painful longing for what he cannot have.
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There is one person that Dimitri trusts with this news he's uncovered. Even if he doesn't plan to try to get Byleth to accept the bond, he still has a duty as a Blaiddyd. There's trouble brewing in the Kingdom, and if it ever does get out that he has a soulmate he needs to be able to protect her in case they try to use her to get to him. It's an artifact that his father kept hidden from him, and only Rodrigue was privy to its location and what the object was.
As Dimitri stares at the page he's not really sure what to even start with. When he first met Byleth he was enthralled at the idea of having a soulmate. She is beautiful and strong, and so much more than he deserves. As time has gone on he's been able to see her diligent nature, but also her kind heart.
She's often feeding the strays around the monastery, and devoting her time to help everyone with their requests. She even gifts items to students that aren't her own, and she has learned enough about them to know whose lost item belongs to who.
Byleth is an extraordinary woman, and it seems that the cold, indifferent mask she had earlier in their acquaintance is cracking day by day. He has yet to see her fully smile, but there is a soft light in her eyes when she seems to be happy.
Then there is her singing voice. He stopped by the cathedral to drop a letter inside the advice box, only to hear an angel singing. He knew he was gaping, but he couldn't help it as she and Dorothea sang. Linhardt was there as well, but that had not been his focus. He wonders sometimes what talent she would surprise him with next.
Of course, he can't forget the day she had embraced him in comfort after Felix's harsh words. Her warmth was indescribable, both of her body and of her personality. How could he have thought her to be so cold?
Dimitri shakes his head, none of this should find its way into the letter. After several drafts later, he finally has something acceptable he can send to Rodrigue.
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It's like the world keeps conspiring to have him run into Byleth at every turn despite leaving him four years without a soulmate. Now his fated partner is dangled right in his line of sight, but only after he ruined his own chances forever.
After what happened during their training session, he can't imagine her wanting to spar or deal with him again. He has to be cursed, there's no other explanation.
Still, he musters everything he has to remain polite.
There's other things he needs to focus on. He promised Dedue to see the matter through about Duscur. There are preparations to be made. When he sees Byleth at the stables, he can only shake his head at fate's continued mockery of his circumstances.
He bows towards her outside the stables. "Good morning, Professor Byleth. Are the Black Eagles also heading out on a mission?"
These days, the monastery halls are brimming with gossip about the strong, competent teacher that rescued Flayn and a former student from the Death Knight, and defeated Miklan and his band of well-organized brigands in the Kingdom.
Even when he wishes to turn his gaze away, he would still hear her name on the lips of everyone around him. Every breath he takes in her presence is agonizing. Every glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye is maddening.
Byleth places a few extra weapons into their convoy. “No, I’ll be joining the Blue Lions today per Hanneman’s request.”
That takes Dimitri by surprise. He hasn’t been informed of this. “How is that possible?”
Byleth shrugs. “Your professor hired me as a mercenary, so think of me as a battalion member. He says that the mission you’re about to take requires a more delicate touch.”
Dimitri never wished to burden anyone else with the Kingdom's sordid affairs. But her class was chosen to defeat Sylvain's brother and retrieve the Lance of Ruin. She has seen firsthand how desperate the situation of his country truly is. There isn't anything he can hide from her at this point.
Deep inside, he is grateful for her assistance in this endeavor. He is a wretch and a selfish coward for not trying to turn her away from this hopeless mission, but if the goddess wouldn't listen to his pleas, could he be blamed for wanting Byleth and her calm presence?
He knows he's making excuses in his mind to justify this. He is painfully aware of that fact, but he can only face his soulmate and bow deeply to her in gratitude.
"Please allow me to explain the situation, Professor."
From there, Hanneman and Dedue arrive and join in the conversation as they start their long march towards their destination. The strategizing continues until the night falls and the horses are too tired to go on.
Dedue cooks a meal over the campfire for them all. It smells delicious, and he does wish that could taste his friend’s cooking. It’s Byleth’s eagerness to devour it that has him smiling in spite of his attempts to stay aloof.
Her beautiful smile only grows when Mercedes brings out an assortment of baked treats for the road that Byleth gobbles down immediately. She doesn’t giggle like Annette does, but there is a lightness in her gaze and a pleasant hum that leaves her lips. Has she always looked like this during mealtimes? He never dared to peek until now. He regrets all the times he could have seen her smile, just several tables away.
Felix walks past Dimitri, his bowl empty. "Close your mouth, boar. You’re drooling," he sneers, before moving away. Sitting beside him, Sylvain doesn't look up from his meal, pointedly focused on his stew. Whether from embarrassment or guilt, Dimitri cannot tell.
That night, Dimitri happens to overhear Dedue speaking with Byleth outside his tent. She asks more questions about the Duscur militia and the grave situation they are about to face. Soon enough, one of the questions turns to why Dedue is following him, the Crown Prince of a nation that destroyed his homeland. She admits that it didn’t make much sense to her when there seems to be so much animosity between their people.
Dimitri is supposed to be asleep. He needs to be fully rested for tomorrow. But his traitorous ears pick up every single word and he dreads to hear his soulmate damning him. Instead what he hears is Dedue telling her that he owes Dimitri his life. His trusted friend doesn’t share many details of that fateful day, but it's still a surprise when Dedue begins to speak highly of him, and of the idealistic dream that Dimitri told him once on a whim.
It's almost as if Dedue is trying to change Byleth's mind on his behalf, in spite of not knowing the entire truth. His steadfast kindness touches Dimitri, but this is a lost cause. Byleth would never deign to give a failure like him another chance to make amends. Why would she, when the proof of his incompetence is what she'll face come tomorrow?
The next day, just as Dimitri expected, Professor Byleth doesn't change her attitude towards him. He considers it a mercy that her already low opinion of him hasn't sunk any further. Then there was the dream he had last night. As wonderful as it was he knows that it was just a figment of his own desires. It’s still so vivid in his memory, her touch especially, but he knows that she would never touch him that freely here in the real world. The march continues without further delay, and soon they reach the Duscurian rebel army.
Fighting under her command is, in a word, glorious. She is just as beautiful as he remembered, and this time the sunlight shone down upon her and her fierce blade, allowing him to see her in all her brilliance. He made sure to follow every order to the letter. He would not disappoint her again.
When she commends them all for fighting well, and reports zero casualties amongst their numbers and that of the Duscur fighters, Hanneman informs her that he would greatly enjoy doing something like this again. Indeed, the wizened Professor had allowed Byleth to lead the charge, and the two had performed together marvelously.
Goddess, he hopes that she would take Professor Hanneman on that offer. Today was supposed to be a desperate struggle against fate to protect the small rebel army from Count Kleiman's forces; instead it had been reduced to nothing but child's play before her assessing gaze and strong leadership. For once in his life, Dimitri did not come away from a battle empty and strained. Instead, he felt light. Even hopeful.
Later that month when she hands them all a stack of combat notes, he pours relentlessly over his copy all night long, without a wink of rest. When he trains he factors in those notes to compensate for the things she noted about his swings. He is able to stand tall and proud in class when he is given an individual exam and he passes with flying colors. How did he manage to live thus far without her keen insight and incredible prowess and experience on the battlefield? Just how many opportunities did he waste by squandering his chances with her forever?
Perhaps his good mood holds influence over his nightmares as well. Not long after the miraculous success of the mission in Duscur, the Byleth he sees in his dreams somehow feels even more personable and warm than the stoic protector she was before. He finds that once the pain and anguish fades, he is allowed to hold her close for a short while, and she returns the embrace with no hesitation. If only it were more than just a dream.
---------------------
The three classes and their professors are traveling through Ordelia territory for the great battle they’ve been training for. Sometimes, Dimitri sees Byleth glance in his direction with an unreadable gaze during their trip to Grondor Field for the Battle of the Eagle and Lion. Perhaps he's only imagining it.
There isn’t a chance to talk to her, not until the night before the battle. Unable to find sleep, Dimitri sits outside next to a small campfire he has made, staring up at the stars above.
He senses her presence – he always can. Right now he feels her hovering just at the edge of his awareness, in an unusual display of hesitance.
“I apologize, I have been rude to you, when I don’t think you deserved it,” she says at length.
Dimitri chuckles. "No, the fault is partly mine, Professor. I keep making foolish mistakes."
Byleth finally comes closer, sitting beside him. "That night you did make quite an impression, both on me and my father."
His cheeks turn red as he remembers what it looked like he was doing. Dimitri points to her medallion. “I keep having the same dream, and the one who keeps rescuing me is wearing that same medallion. I was so caught up in the prospect that I didn’t even realize how I would come across. I never meant to make you uncomfortable around me, and I apologize for that.”
Byleth looks at the stars above them and Dimitri turns his gaze upward. He catches her looking over at him sometimes, and he smiles before averting his gaze back to the stars. He wishes to tell her the truth. That, even now, he still dreams of her. But could he risk what little he has gained thus far?
No. He could not, and even now his mind couldn’t fathom why she was here. "May I ask what changed your mind about me? What made you decide to come to me tonight?"
Byleth looks away before she sighs. “I want to know you better. I realized that now. I've been doing my own research on this whole soulmate phenomenon, and it’s taken up most of my time when I'm not teaching or running errands. I’ve noticed a few of the symptoms I read about."
Dare he even hope? "What sort of symptoms?"
Byleth is silent for a minute before responding, "I have had dreams of you ever since we first met. And, I suspect, even before that. But I didn't know what it meant, or why the dream changed until I spoke with Hanneman about my findings."
Dimitri doesn't dare say a word, or hope for anything positive.
"Before I met you, I kept having dreams of a massacre. And in the middle of all that chaos, was a lion cub."
A lion cub? "Pardon?"
"A lion cub. He was really cute, but he was also the only survivor of his pride. I could never leave him alone like that, so I would pick him up and take him somewhere safe. That cub had the same eyes as yours."
Ah, that would make sense considering that fate only whispered to the soulmates minds with the dreams until the pair found each other. The form the person takes manifests differently in dreams. “You were a dragon in mine, wearing that medallion around your neck. You always kept the final blow from ending my life, until the night after we met in Remire.”
Byleth raised her brow at him. “If that’s the case, how did you know the dragon was me when we met? The medallion originally belonged to my mother.”
Dimitri blushes all the way to the tips of his ears as he scrambles for something that wouldn’t upset her. “I… the dragon would always wrap its wings around me. It had an aura that was always safe and comforting. The moment you stepped out and took control of the battle it felt the same. Oh! Your scent was also quite similar, and with the medallion…”
“What do you mean by scent?”
Dimitri visibly cringes. Why did his words betray him so? It would have been better to keep his mouth shut. “It reminds me of herbs that you put over wounds, but it always had a more comforting scent to it… it’s, I’d say mint if I had to take a guess at it.”
Byleth is eyeing him again, this time the distrust is tangible. She pulls out a small container out of her pouch and opens it up.
He could smell the mint from here, as well as the familiar comfort that made him stop and stare at it. He reaches out in disbelief. It smells strong like this within the dreams.
She snaps it back shut before his hand can touch. “I make it myself; I started adding the mint to it so no one would go using it since it’s something all of the mercenaries in the company had.”
He marvels at how it is the same scent and how it was able to be so well replicated from his dreams. He hopes that perhaps this is her way of helping him connect with her, but she only throws the container in his lap as she stands to head back to the Black Eagle’s group of tents.
The look on her face is hard to read. “I can always make more. Keep it, if you like the smell so much.”
His heart sinks as he thinks he’s done something wrong, but at least he made an effort to get her to understand. He takes the container into his palm, afraid of crushing it in hand. How does he keep ruining every chance he gets?
“Professor... no. Byleth.” He takes a deep breath as the anguish in his heart threatens to take hold. Byleth turns back towards him, but he can tell by how tense she is that she’s not fully comfortable right now.
“I am sorry, for everything. I have no intentions to force you into any sort of bond that you do not want.”
“What would the Kingdom think of you taking anyone other than your soulmate?”
Dimitri huffs. “Royalty doesn’t usually get a choice in who we love. My father was one of the first to find his soulmate before he was to wed for political reasons and it didn’t matter to him that she was a commoner. He wed her the day they graduated. Because they were a matched pair no one gave any arguments and she did well in her role as Queen. I was too young to remember anything about her, and my father refused to talk about her.”
Byleth tilts her head, her body posture relaxing. “Then why hope to have one? What happens if I refuse you?”
How deep would she drive the dagger into his heart? “Everyone wishes to have someone in this world love them, so why wouldn’t they dream to be able to hold the one person who they are destined to be with? If you refuse, then we’ll dream of each other as fate demands and wish for each other’s happiness even if it means a lackluster love for another.”
“What would happen if I told you that I would accept this proposal?”
Dimitri couldn’t help but laugh at his own pitiful self. “You only drive the dagger deeper with such a twisted joke, Professor. Truthfully, I cannot fathom why you would.”
Goddess, why is his voice cracking?
“I would do everything in my power to make sure you were happy and taken care of, but the nobles of the court can be cruel. I would be bringing you into a pit of vipers, and trying to heal the damage to my lands would not be an easy road. My title brings more burdens than a normal couple would face.”
Byleth steps towards him. “Is that why you’re so eager to know you have a soulmate?”
“Such an ugly bloodstained thing like me doesn’t deserve to be loved, Professor. The fact that you even exist proves that something divine disagrees.”
“So you are in love with the idea, but not necessarily the person that the idea is attached to?”
At this point Dimitri’s mind is a vortex of scattered thoughts, so his loosened tongue betrayed him again. “No, you are beautiful, strong, and intelligent. Anyone should be willing to kill to be paired with a wonderful person such as yourself. I still don’t understand why the Goddess would be so cruel as to pair you with someone like me.”
Byleth’s eyes widen slightly before moving towards him. She reaches for the container in his monstrous hands and pries it open. The calming scent fills his nose and he takes a deep breath of it.
As he's putting away the salve there is a sudden weight upon him as her arms wrap around his neck. It's completely unexpected, but certainly not unwelcome.
At first he only holds her loosely. He's still embarrassed over the stammering sound he made. As she makes no attempt to leave his lap he gets bolder, praying that this is what he hopes it is. He nuzzles into her neck and it feels wonderful. "Is this what you wanted? If you wanted to embrace all you had to do was ask."
"That necklace, where did you get it?"
His nuzzle turns into a kiss to her neck at the sound of the desire in her voice. It's breathless and he can barely believe the situation. When she shivers in his lap his own desire flares. "It's a family heirloom. It's for you, should you accept the bond. I've only been told that it's meant to protect a Blaiddyd soulmate."
Dimitri rests his forehead against hers. He wants to kiss her desperately, but she has not given him permission to do so. Her lips are mere inches away from his and it is such a tease to have her this close.
"...What say you, Professor? Will you accept the pendant?" If she does than he will kiss her to seal the exchange.
Dimitri barely hears his title being called. Dedue is ready with his meal. He doesn't want this moment to end. Then Byleth starts pushing at him and squirming away. What happened for this reaction? Dedue was one of the few people he could trust with this secret, she had nothing to be frightened over.
She holds out her hand to stop him when he tries to follow her. She seems unsteady on her feet and he only wants to help steady her.
"Rest well Dimitri," and then she leaves and he can feel his heart shattering.
Dimitri stares longingly after her retreating form. He takes out the salve and another deep breath before closing his eyes. He feels utterly exhausted and spent after the exchange and decides to heed her advice. He puts the container away into his pouch so he wouldn’t lose it. His fingers clasp around the pendant, wondering if he sprung it on her too soon.
He feels just a bit lighter as one burden on his shoulders lifts. It seems they have at least come to an understanding. A bittersweet emotion has made its home permanently in a corner of his heart, but he feels nothing but gratitude for the chance Byleth granted him despite their rocky beginning. She could have just kept ignoring him, but just as her dreams have shown, she is capable of so much kindness. He hopes from the bottom of his heart that his soulmate will find happiness in life.
Byleth still visits him, as steadfast in her protection in his nightmares as always. In the mornings, he's found fresh tears in his eyes, but he can't understand why they appear when his hope of being able to love freely had long since perished on that day in Duscur. The only answer he can fathom is that he knows that he cannot embrace her so freely in the waking world, as he does within his dreams. He stands to retire to his tent, pleased for at least the chance to hold her for a while.
In the waking world, he has nothing left but his mission. He won't expect anything further. He has never intended to force her at his side, like some of the nobles would urge him to push for. He needs to stop getting distracted by fanciful ideas that will never come to pass, and discover the truth of the tragedy that took his family away.