Chapter Text
Izuku really doesn't know what to do anymore. Life just never played fair.
So why... Why should he always be pushed around?
"I wonder... If Kacchan actually knows what it's like..." Breathing into the silence, he opened his mouth and just... Sang.
Welcome to My Life - Simple Plan
Another day of torment, another day of survival. Another day of wondering when all the pain would stop.
Izuku Midoriya, 15 years old, quirkless. Another number in the statistics. That's who he is.
Sighing frustratedly, he opened the door to his home, feeling the slight chill and hearing the silence as he took in the fact that his mother wasn't home yet.
Izuku stood at the entrance for a while longer, half relieved that his mother wasn't home yet to see his injured state, and half disappointed that she wasn't there at this moment.
Shaking his head from his thoughts, he quietly set his bag down before entering the kitchen to cook himself something.
Clack-
As he opened the fridge, the first thing he saw was a container with his favourite food.
Sniffling, he took the container with shaky hands and trudged to his room so he could dress his wounds.
Izuku winced at the sting of the antiseptic, the lack of adrenaline making the pain a lot more prominent.
With a grunt, he hauled himself up, placing the now empty container at his desk before grabbing his headphones.
Messing with his computer a bit, he found the audio clip he produced.
Thinking about it, he knows he's fairly gifted with his affinity to music but being a musician is far from his dreams.
Sure it was fun and relaxing but… He wants to be a hero.
Yet people keep telling him that he can't. They kept on telling him that he can't. And since he wouldn't take the hint verbally, it escalated to it being a physical reminder… And eventually reaching an emotional lesson.
The mocking jeers and the scathing words. The tacks on his shoes and the shoves near the stairs. The disgusted glares and indifferent treatment. And finally, the spider lilies and the written words of offering…
An offering to die. He snorted derisively.
Izuku really doesn't know what to do anymore.
Life just… never played fair.
But why... Why is he always pushed around?
"I wonder... If Kacchan actually understands what it's like..." Breathing into the silence, he opened his mouth and just... Sang.
[Do you ever feel like breaking down?]
He knows.
[Do you ever feel out of place?]
He knows…
[Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you]
He truly knows…
[Do you ever want to run away?]
Izuku does.
And he did, all the time. Coming out with scrapes and bruises every time. And the cycle still goes on.
[Do you lock yourself in your room?]
He… does.
Often enough that he wonders what it'd be like not to go out.
[With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming]
Choking up slightly at the memory of screaming till he scratched up his vocal chords, it was painful.
He never wanted to do it again. But he did, several times more after that.
[No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright]
Smiling wryly, he thinks about Kacchan who was always there but oh so clueless as to what is actually happening, about his classmates who hurt him just because he was different from them to make themselves feel better about themselves..
They wouldn't do it if they knew…
Right?
[You don't know what it's like to be like me]
They probably never will.
[To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark]}
The memory of the broom closet, the woods, the trips to the city thinking about fitting in came to mind.
[To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around]
Gripping his fist tightly, he remembered the vases of those accursed flowers.
The blurry sight of his hand reaching out to ask for help from the bottom of the stairs and getting ignored until all he saw was black and he knew no more.
[To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one there to save you]
The hysterical lilt of his voice gave way to the feeling of hopelessness buried deep in him.
He wanted to be a hero to save people, because he never wanted a situation in which he'll see his pain on another.
He wanted to save people because he was never saved.
[No you don't know what it's like…]
Breathing in harshly, he tried to keep his tears at bay.
He didn't want to feel weaker than he already is.
[Welcome to my life]
Exhausted, he closed his eyes from the weight of his emotions.
Frustration. Sadness. Anger. Hopelessness.
He just wants someone to understand.
[Do you want to be somebody else?]
'Yes.' The venomous thought seared itself in his head. 'Someone who just isn't me. Who isn't a damned Deku.'
[Are you sick of feeling so left out?]
The images of Kacchan hanging out with other people and leaving him out burned the back of his eyelids.
Tears started quietly falling from his eyes, his voice taking on a raspier quality as the song went on.
[Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over]
A hero.
He wants to be a hero.
He wants to be a hero before his time comes to an end.
He wants to be significant.
Wants to rid himself from being useless.
[Are you stuck inside a world you hate?]
He thought about the pre-quirk era.
Had he been born around that time, would he be accepted?
He wonders…
[Are you sick of everyone around?]
Nearly biting his own tongue at that verse, his mind went blank.
'Am I?' He continues to wonder.
[With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
But deep inside you're bleeding]
Smiles…
A mask.
To hide his true self from the pain.
He never knew anything else to save himself.
So if fake smiles and lies hid the hurt, broken pieces of himself, so be it.
[No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright]
[You don't know what it's like to be like me]
Clenching his fists once more, he startled at the sting of his fingernails biting into his skin.
The light in his eyes dimmed slightly before he shook himself out of it.
[To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one there to save you]
His voice desperately sang out.
He wonders if someone could hear him and his pleas for help.
It'd be great had there been someone who'd listen…
[No you don't know what it's like]
[Welcome to my life]
Blinking, he stared at the ceiling and continued.
[No one ever lied straight to your face]
[And no one ever stabbed you in the back]
[You might think I'm happy]
[But I'm not gonna be okay]
He wants to be okay.
He wants to be better.
He wants to stop breaking into shattered glass everyday.
[Everybody always gave you what you wanted]
[You never had to work it was always there]
[You don't know what it's like— What it's like…]
Chuckling dryly, he thought about the explosive blonde.
His childhood friend was naive. He didn't really know the pain of being broken.
And Izuku only hopes he never would.
[To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around]
His voice hoarse, he continued to sing as tears started falling earnestly from his eyes.
[To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
What it's like—]
Clutching his head, he sang out from the bottom of his heart.
He sang away the pain, the frustration, the fear, the loneliness, the helplessness, the anger, and the desperation.
He just wants all of it to stop.
[To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like]
Sluggishly standing up he ended the song in a whisper.
[Welcome to my life]
Breaking down on his bed, alone and empty, he fell asleep once again with a broken heart made out of shattered shards.