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real sweet, but i wish you were sober

Summary:

the five times Matt drunkenly confesses his love to Foggy and the one time he does it completely sober

Notes:

title from the song wish you were sober by conan gray

Work Text:

1.

It’s their freshman year and they’re on their way back from a party, holding onto each other like they’re each other’s life jacket. For months, Matt had to get used to having someone like Foggy in his life. According to what he said, he never really had anyone care about him. He never really had friends, even less a best friend. So it’s Foggy’s mission to be the best best friend possible to Matt, no matter what. 

Back in their dorm room, they flopped into their beds ungracefully. Foggy’s groan is a silent promise to never drink again – which he will break the next Friday. Isn’t that what college life is about?

“Hey, Foggy,” Matt whispers after a long moment, like he’s trying to see if his friend is sleeping.

“Yeah buddy?” he inquires, turning on his bed to face him and look at him

“I love you so much,” he simply says, his face still fixed on the roof.  

“I love you too,” he answers, smiling like an idiot. Mostly, he’s glad he’s got a friend like Matt. Someone he can always count on. Someone not afraid to say that he loves his friend. 

 

2.

Elektra is gone. She has been for more than two weeks now and it became abundantly clear that she is not coming back. Since then, Matt has barely left his bed. Even if Foggy never liked her, he feels bad for his best friend. It’s a sad sight, having his roommate curled up in his bed most of the day. He doesn’t remember the last time Matt went to the dining hall to get an actual meal and maybe he should’ve thought of that before bringing a whole bottle of cheap whiskey in their dorm room with the intention of helping him drink his sorrow away. 

Half the bottle later, Matt is laying on Foggy’s bed. Next to him, laying on his side, Foggy has one hand playing absentmindedly in his hair. It’s so natural and, for the first time in a long time, he feels like he has his best friend back. It’s a horrible feeling because Matt is hurting, but he can’t help it. He can only hate Elektra even more. 

“I did love her, you know?” Matt sighs. 

“I figured,” Foggy points. He would never understand what Matt found in this girl. She was so far from the lovable and bubbly nerd that he was. She changed him, made him skip classes and almost throw away his whole future. What could be so great about her? Then again, he didn’t really know Elektra and wouldn’t he do the exact same for Matt? Maybe that was just what love was about. 

“But never as much as I love you,” Matt says so softly that Foggy is sure he dreamt it. Maybe he did, because seconds later he is lightly snoring next to him. Foggy barely closes his eyes that night. In the morning, he’ll blame the bed, way too small for both of them, that kept him awake. 

 

3.

It’s one of those Friday nights at Josie’s where they drank a bit too much. Everything goes on their never ending tab. While Josie does complain, as usual, she almost smiles at them once they decide to leave the bar. Foggy will see this as a victory. 

Since neither of them can pay for a taxi and he can’t in good conscience let Matt walk home by himself, they walk together to Matt’s apartment. He’ll probably end up crashing on the couch once more, but he couldn’t care less. Matt’s couch was comfortable anyway. Everything about Matt was comfortable. 

“Fogs?” Matt says as they’re taking a break on a bench, somewhere between Josie’s and Matt’s apartment. 

“Hm?”

“I couldn’t see myself doing this with anyone else. Being partners, I mean. I don’t know what I would do without you. You really are my best friend.”

“Sounds like some love declaration there,” Foggy teases. 

“I do love you, so much,” he says, turning to look at him with one of those smiles that could melt any icebergs. At this moment, he’s sure Matt is to blame for part of climate change because that’s exactly the effects it has on him. Polar bears are dying and it’s because of his overly charming best friend.

“You’re my best friend too,” he answers, hoping he’s not just some puddle on the floor now. To punctuate that, Foggy takes his head in his hands and drops a very loud kiss to the top of Matt’s head, which makes him laugh. That laugh should be blamed for melting what was left of his heart. Yeah, that’s when Foggy realizes how much trouble he’s in. 

 

4.

After the funeral for Father Lantom and the reception that followed, Matt can barely stand up. Maybe Foggy should’ve stopped Karen from bringing him that last – or last three – drink. Maybe he shouldn’t have suggested that they take shots, like they’re college students, to celebrate that napkin. Maybe he should’ve given him something less strong to drink. Or maybe Matt just needed it. 

So, Foggy helps him get home. He helps him to the back of the taxi. He helps him up the stairs to his apartment. He even helps him out of this suit and into more comfortable clothes, wincing as he sees all the scars and bruises on his body. It’s so rare that Matt lets him help in any way that he can only feel happy to be there for those small things. 

Once Matt is in his bed, having promised to call him the next day, Foggy is about to leave. That’s when Matt simply stops him. “Fogs, wait,” he says, waiting for him to turn back and look his way. “Thank you. I’m really happy we’re giving this another try.”

“Me too Matt, me too.”

“I love you. Life really sucked without you,” he adds. It almost hurts to know he’s too drunk to actually mean all of this.

“I feel the same way,” Foggy answers softly. 

As he leaves Matt’s apartment, once in the taxi on his way back to his place, this small moment keeps replaying in his mind. He does feel that way, so much it hurts sometimes. It hurts because Matt is only ever in this state of drunkenness when he tells him something like that. He only ever means it as friends and Foggy wishes it was real. The more he thinks about it, the more two things become painfully clear. He is in love with his best friend and he really needs to break up with Marci. 

 

5.

Matt is crying and Foggy is not sure what he’s supposed to do. 

Everything was perfect up until they were alone. Instead of going out that evening to celebrate the new office for Nelson, Murdock & Page, all three of them got together at said office with alcohol and some chinese take-out. Sitting around a table, they talked, ate, drank and laughed for hours until Karen said she was going home. While Matt offered to walk her home, she kindly declined, leaving them alone in the office. Before they left too, Matt offered to go to the roof of the building for a moment. 

“I missed this.” Foggy was looking at the city in front of him. “Being us. Not having this feeling that there’s alway big lies between us.” 

That’s when he hears it. He may not have Matt’s super senses, but he knows him. He knows the way his breathing changes when he’s trying not to cry. He knows the way his face changes. So, he isn’t surprised to see some tears start to roll down his cheeks. For a moment, he’s sure Matt will tell him he hid another thing from him. Somewhere in his mind, he’s begging every single one of those gods he doesn’t believe in that he won’t tell him that Elektra is somehow back in his life. 

“Matt, what’s wrong?” he asks anyway. He walks closer to him, dreading the answer. 

“I love you Foggy. I’m in love with you. You don’t need to say anything. It doesn’t have to change anything. We said no more lies and I just– I can’t go another day without telling you how I actually feel.”

“Matty,” he starts, reaching to touch him. Matt doesn’t move, 

He softly wipes the tears rolling down his cheek and Matt melts into his touch. For once, Foggy doesn’t give a damn that Matt is half drunk when all of this is happening. He doesn’t mind, because this is not the alcohol talking. It’s not a half mumbled ‘I love you’. It’s a full on confession, one that clearly freaked him out. He thought of it. It’s not just a thought of the moment. It’s him. It’s them. And God, Foggy wants to scream to the world that – finally! – he can say that he’s in love with Matt Murdock without the fear of having his heart being shattered into thousands of pieces.

“I love you too,” Foggy says, simply. There’s nothing else to say. It’s the most natural thing to confess and Matt knows it’s the truth. So, Foggy kisses him. Matt tastes like red wine and whiskey and a little bit of soy sauce. And it just feels right. 

 

+ 1

“Hey,” Foggy says, closing the book he was reading as he heard Matt enter through the roof entrance. They had been on a date – a real one, not just take-out eaten at one of their places like they usually did or drinks at Josie’s– when Matt heard some things going on not far away. He was about to ignore it, wanting to stay, but Foggy told him to go. After all, he could always wait, but the city needed his hero. Instead of simply going to his own apartment, Foggy went to Matt’s, waiting for him to make sure he was alright. 

“You’re here,” Matt says, taking his mask off. 

“I thought that maybe you would need help if you were hurt. Are you? Do you need me to patch you up or anything?” Matt shakes his head and Foggy simply smiles in return. “Is it okay that I waited for you?” 

“It’s perfect,” he whispers softly as he approaches him. He takes his face into his hands, soft and gentle, a smile lighting his face. “I love you Foggy,” he says, kissing his lips quickly. “I want to scream it to the world. I want everyone to know that I’m yours. Just the thought of this, you waiting for me, caring and being here, it’s making me so happy. You’re making me so happy. I love you so, so much.”

“Gosh, you’re such a romantic soul underneath all that tough exterior,” he teases, looking at him with nothing but love. Some parts of him still can’t believe that something he wanted for so long, to get those drunken confessions of love while Matt is sober, is now part of his everyday life. “I love you too Matt. For better or worse, right?”