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All the Avengers were finally living under one roof- Stark Tower. Now that they had the same address, Steve went to Tony with the issue of creating stronger bonds in the team- it would only promote better on-the-ground cohesion. Plus, it would be a good way for them all to forge stronger bonds outside of SHIELD now that it was gone, and it would be a good way for Steve to connect to the new century (something he was still struggling with). Given that Tony was watching Man vs Food when Steve came to him with the issue, it was hardly surprising that he suggested the team participate in team dinners that perhaps, sometimes, possibly, included a food challenge. Steve was irritated that Tony wasn’t taking things seriously at first, but had to admit the veritable mountain of grilled cheese the host was eating looked delicious, and nothing brought a team together like overcoming a challenge. Food was a challenge that put them all towards a common goal, but was non-threatening. Perhaps they could scatter in some other challenges too? Tony tossed out game nights, laser tag, and bowling as additional ideas, all of which seemed fine to Steve. They didn’t make much progress beyond agreeing that it was a good idea that night though- there was a Man vs Food marathon on TV.
***
The first place they went was Dobbs Dawg House where Steve, Tony, and Clint were determined to complete The Challenge- 12 huge hot dogs, specialty toppings, to be eaten in 30 minutes.
“Or less!” Clint cheered, grinning and rubbing his hands together in anticipation. He was pumped to be eating fair food, determined to win and prove his former circus performer stomach superior to the “normies” of the group. Natasha just rolled her eyes. She had eaten at Dobbs before, and while the dogs were good, she felt no need to eat a dozen of them.
“You sure you can handle this?” The cook quirked an eyebrow at Tony when he said he was participating. “Don’t you rich folks have delicate stomachs or whatever?”
“Oh no he did not just say that,” Natasha murmured to Bruce who was wiping his glasses on his shirt.
Bruce sighed, shaking his head, “well, at least Tony will actually be getting some vegetables with all the toppings. I’m not too worried about Steve.”
“And Clint could live off scraps thrown in a garbage disposal,” Natasha finished.
“I am confused,” Thor frowned. “These items on the plates look nothing like dogs.”
“Oh no, hot dogs aren’t made from dogs!” Bruce rushed to assure him, “they’re just called hot dogs because they look kind of like the little weiner dogs indigenous to Germany, where sausages and hot dogs were invented.” Natasha pulled up a picture of a dachshund on her phone to show Thor who looked relieved that they weren’t going to actually be eating dogs.
“What do you recommend I try first? I have never seen food like these hot dogs before.”
“You should probably try a more normal hot dog to start with, like the Old School Dawg, then try something more exotic if you like it,” Bruce reasoned.
“I shall trust your judgment,” Thor nodded.
In the end Bruce and Natasha each had two hot dogs, Thor had six, and both Steve and Clint managed to cram all 12 hot dogs down their throats. Tony choked on dog number eight and had to be heimliched, disqualifying him from the challenge (much to his displeasure).
“That was great,” Steve grinned as they exited the restaurant. “I feel real accomplished.”
“Yeah, because you got to go on the Wall of Fame,” Tony fumed. “Next time, I’m telling you, I will WIN.”
“Course you will buddy,” Clint patted his shoulder companionably.
“Don’t patronize me Barton,” Tony scowled as Clint and Steve snickered. “Just you wait, I will beat BOTH your asses next time!”
“I have confidence in you Tony,” Thor grinned sunnily.
“Thank you Thor,” Tony said, still looking put out.
“Next time I shall compete as well. An opportunity for glory was missed today, and I shall not miss out again!”
“We’ll pick a good one for you then,” Bruce smiled at Thor amiably.
***
In deference to Thor, the next team dinner was held at The Ainsworth for the Mac Burger Challenge: three mac and cheese burgers, large fries, and a pickle, to be eaten in 30 minutes or less. Again Natasha and Bruce sat out the challenge; Natasha just wanted the pictures. Perhaps they could be used as good PR for the Avengers. They could definitely be used as good advertising for The Ainsworth.
“This is a most worthy challenge for the mighty Avengers,” Thor boomed as he observed the construction of the triple burger stack.
“It looks freaking delicious,” Clint was practically salivating.
“You guys better watch out, because I am going to SMOKE your asses,” Tony was completely game face, in it to win it, determined to beat his teammates.
“Alright folks, here you are, four Mac Burger Challenges. You know the rules, no help, no puking, 30 minutes. Ready? Begin!” The manager looked psyched to have the Avengers in her restaurant. Someone had leaked their presence on social media so something of a crowd had formed- and most of them were eating while they were at the restaurant anyway. Sales were through the roof and the kitchen was swamped!
The second she said begin the eating was on. Natasha grinned behind her phone as she recorded the madness; fries were flying and macaroni was already in Clint’s hair and stuck to Thor’s cheek. It was glorious.
“This is delicious!” Steve gushed between bites. “I didn’t expect it to be so tasty!”
“It’s mac and cheese! You can never go wrong with mac and cheese!” Clint replied.
“I must agree, this mac and cheese on a burger is most enjoyable!” Thor grinned.
Tony remained totally focused, single minded in his determination to win at this challenge.
“I never would have thought to put pasta on a burger like this,” Steve said, “but I gotta say that whoever came up with the concept is a genius.”
“Better hurry up and eat, Cap. Tony’s set to beat you all at this rate!” Natasha heckled. Indeed, Tony was ahead of the others by about half a burger.
“Careful Tony,” Bruce cautioned, “you don’t want to choke again.”
Tony grunted his acknowledgement but didn’t look up from his plate.
“Damn he really is in it to win it,” Bruce muttered to Natasha as he took some still pictures of the event, making sure to get some good shots of Tony with cheese smeared across his forehead (how did it even get there?) as he shoved a pickle in his mouth.
“Regretting not joining in the fun?” Clint jeered.
“Not really. Makes for a good photo op, but mac burgers really aren’t my thing,” Bruce replied.
“Perhaps for our next adventure in eating we shall choose a location of your preference then,” Thor said.
“Oh yes,” Natasha murmured, “I have the perfect place in mind.”
“Well that’s not ominous at all.” Clint may have been joking, but the smirk on Natasha’s face told them all that it actually was ominous. Or at least it would have if anyone had bothered to look.
“15 minutes!” The manager announced. “You’ve got 15 more to finish your meals.”
“No problem lady, this stuff is good eatin’!” Clint grinned with a mouth full of macaroni.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Steve scolded.
“Whatever.”
Seven minutes later, Tony finished his meal. “VICTORY!” He bellowed as he stood from his chair, arms held above his head. The crowd went wild cheering for Iron Man. He grinned at the audience and graciously started signing autographs and taking selfies as he waited for the others to finish.
Clint and Thor tied as they finished two minutes later, followed by Steve a minute after that.
They all posed for pictures and signed autographs for a while until the crowd calmed down a bit. The manager approached them with a grin. “Well, you all completed the challenge. That means you each get the $500 cash prize. What are you going to do with it?”
They all agreed to donate the money to the local soup kitchen- it’s not like they needed the money for themselves after all.
“Who wants dessert?” Bruce asked cheerily. Four groans answered him along with Natasha’s laughter.
***
It was a few weeks before they managed to gather for a food challenge again, and when they did it was Natasha’s pick. They were all a bit nervous, except Bruce for some reason. They went to Brick Lane Curry House for the Phaal curry challenge. There was no time limit, they just had to eat the whole bowl of curry. It wasn’t an oversized bowl either, just a regular serving. None of them really understood the challenge in it, but no one wanted to go up against Natasha.
“So that will be six orders of the Phaal curry challenge. You all sure you’re ready?”
“Oh, they’re as ready as they’re going to get,” Natasha smirked.
“Okay…” the waiter looked a little puzzled at that, but accepted it and went to place the order with the kitchen.
“So, what's the big deal with the curry here?” Tony asked, forehead scrunched.
“It's the Phaal curry sauce,” Bruce smiled. “It’s hot.”
“Super hot.”
“The hottest curry in the world.”
“Y’all gonna burn,” Natasha cackled. There was a silence full of intimidation, a truly impressive feat for people who just two days prior had been fighting 12 foot mutated lobsters.
“...guess that’s why you brought milk,” Clint finally replied.
“Is milk good for spicy?” Everyone looked at Steve like he was an idiot, causing him to hunch over slightly in shame.
“Yes. Milk- whole milk- is pretty much the only cure for capsaicin. The spicy chemical,” Bruce explained kindly.
“They expect us to be intimidated by a spice?” Thor asked.
“Not a spice, spici ness . Like, flaming hot cheetos make your mouth burn right? Well this curry will make your whole body burn.” Natasha seemed to be taking some kind of weird pleasure from psyching them out.
Bruce seemed the most pleased by the selection of restaurant/challenge and started explaining the science of spiciness to them.
“Wait, wait, wait. You’re telling me that a persona can actually DIE from eating something too spicy?!” Clint exclaimed.
“Oh yes,” Bruce said casually. “But no one has died from eating Phaal curry so far as I’m aware. That’s more of a ghost pepper or Carolina Reaper level of hot.”
“Yeah, this isn’t hot enough to kill, just hot enough to make you wish for death,” Natasha leaned back in her seat with a shark-like grin as she sipped her wine, looking exactly like a stereotypical overconfident assassin in a bad spy movie.
“Here we are, six orders of the Phaal curry,” their waiter interrupted the conversation as he set their bowls in front of them. Now, there’s no time limit, so take your time, but the unofficial rule is that when you run out of milk you're done.” Another waiter placed glasses of whole milk in front of each of them, full to the brim. “I see you brought your own milk though so I guess we’ll see how it goes. If you finish the bowl you get to go on the wall of fame over there and you get a certificate of prowess. And of course you get a free pint of beer to wash it all down. Good luck!”
Bruce was the first to grab his fork, the others following a bit reluctantly. “What are you waiting for? Dig in!” He said after he swallowed his first bite without difficulty.
Steve was the first to take a tiny bite before he nearly spit it out in his haste to get to the milk.
“Hot damn that's hot!”
“It’s delicious,” Natasha grinned, though she did seem to be having just a slightly harder time than Bruce, who was completely at ease with the spicy food.
Clint and Tony managed about three quarters of their bowls but drained their glasses of milk and a good chunk of the milk they brought before giving in and admitting defeat. Thor made it almost to the finish line but fell short when he ran out of milk, having consumed a full gallon in addition to the provided glass.
“I am bested!” He proclaimed, tossing down the empty milk carton.
“Yeah, but you did better than Steve here. You ok buddy?” Clint looked honestly concerned at how red the captain's face had become, even after only having a few bites of the outrageously hot curry.
“I’m never eating again,” Steve managed to get out as he chugged Bruce’s milk. Bruce of course had barely touched his milk, far too used to spicy food thanks to his travels. Only he and Natasha went on the wall of fame, the others admitting defeat with far more grace than one would have expected.
“Respect the spice,” Bruce nodded sagely as he sipped his victory beer.
“Amen to that,” Clint replied.
They agreed to never try that challenge again, but Bruce and Natasha made plans to return at some point in the future. They liked to think that Natasha was just being nice to Bruce rather than having a stomach of steel as well. They liked to think.
***
Two weeks after the Phaal curry, when everyone’s tongues had healed and Steve’s face had returned to its normal color, they went out for a food challenge again. They went to the Mi Noodle Bar for the Supersize Mi Challenge, which Thor for one was very much looking forward to. Three whole pounds of noodles, three pounds of meat, and an hour and a half to eat it in- it was like an Asgardian feast!
Natasha, Bruce, and Tony decided to sit out the challenge, but they each chose a hero to cheer on, so they could compete in spirit if nothing else. Natasha was encouraging Clint, Bruce was rooting for Thor, and Tony was cheering for Steve. Of course, they were ordering food for themselves as well- how could they resist all that deliciousness?- they simply weren’t going to eat punch bowls of pho like the others.
It was a decidedly more casual challenge. Everyone sat back and relaxed as they ate, chatting about nothing serious and just having a good time in general. Tony for one loved all the different spices that could be added to pho to create new flavors and advised Steve to get a smaller bowl so he could portion out a bit at a time and try a bunch of different flavors- a suggestion Steve thanked him for again and again with each successive bowl of delicious and uniquely spiced pho.
When it came down to the end of the bowl- at the 70 minute mark- Thor sped up and managed to beat Clint by 30 seconds, and let out an almighty belch that seemed to reverberate throughout the restaurant and made the little old lady who owned the restaurant beam with pride (though none but Natasha seemed to notice). Steve finished just a few minutes after Clint, giving a sigh of satisfaction himself and letting out his belt a notch as he sat back.
“Well, I’m just gonna say it. This was by far the most relaxing and pleasant food challenge we’ve ever done,” Tony stated. “I mean, the food was good at all the other places, but this was relaxing and just a nice experience.”
“I agree,” Bruce nodded. “Very low key- I like it.”
“Hmm,” Natasha agreed as Thor, Clint, and Steve posed for their wall of fame photos and accepted their $100 gift cards. “I vote we come back often.”
“Yes, this pho was most enjoyable,” Thor said, returning to the table. “And I now get a free appetizer every time I come in! We must come often so I may try them all!”
“Absolutely,” Steve agreed. “I had no idea there were so many ways to eat pho- thank you Tony for all your help.”
“You’re welcome,” Tony grinned.
“Alright, I feel the need for some Mario Kart. Let’s blow this popsicle stand!”
“You are such a dad, Clint,” Natasha teased.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing!”
***
A week went by without much going on, so the Avengers set out again for a food challenge. They decided to try A Salt and Battery, a fish and chips specialty restaurant, mostly because whoever won their food challenge got a free t-shirt and Tony wanted it. Bruce was excited- he had somehow never had fish and chips before, so it would be a novel experience for him.
One pound of fried cod, one and a half pounds of chunky cut chips (aka fries), eight ounces of peas, a soft drink, and two sides of tartar sauce- an exciting venture for anyone. They all decided to participate this time- fish was good for you, even fried, so it was all good with Bruce when it came to health. Kinda.
“This place smells amazing!”Clint remarked as soon as they walked in.
“Just like I remember fish and chips smelling,” Steve let a wistful smile overtake his face. “I haven’t had fish and chips since Peggy took me last in 1944.”
“Aw Steve,” Tony looked a little sad. “If I had known we would have come sooner- no one should go that long without fish and chips! Aunt Peggy got me hooked when I was a kid- there's this place in London-”
“Aunt Peggy?!”
“Yeah. Peggy Carter is my godmother. You knew that. Right?”
“NO I DID NOT.” Steve looked indignant. “Why didn’t you tell me? We could have visited her together!”
“I didn’t want to interfere with your relationship with her! Plus, we didn’t exactly get along in the beginning, so…”
“But I thought we got all that behind us…”
“We did, but you deserve to have something from your past just to yourself. I don’t mind visiting on a different day as you.”
“Thanks Tony,” Steve smiled at his friend. Tony smiled back, basking in the honest friendship of a man he had looked up to since childhood.
“Hey, enough feelings, are we here to eat or not?” Clint broke in.
“Way to ruin a moment,” Bruce muttered. As Natasha ordered six of the challenge meals, Thor asked politely if he may see one of these “cod”- fish were not commonly eaten on Asgard and he was curious.
“Sorry man, we don’t get ‘em whole, just slabs of the meat. I can look up a picture online for you though,” the teenager behind the counter offered to Thor's approval.
“How fascinating!” Thor enthused. “We must catch some of these ourselves- perhaps we can even cook them in a similar manner as this fine establishment!”
“Great, now we have to go fishing,” Clint groused.
“What's wrong with fishing?” Bruce asked.
“It's boring!”
“It is not!”
“Is too!”
“Children,” Natasha broke in. “Our food will be ready soon, let's pick out our napkins and get ready to eat.”
Soon enough the platters of food were set before them, steaming hot and giving off a mouthwatering aroma.
“Alright folks, dig in!” The server said and was immediately obeyed. Moans of pleasure filled the air as they took their first bites, the cod was deliciously moist and flakey and excellent.
“This fish is like the lady Mary Poppins,” Thor said. “Perfect in every way.”
“Better than Mary Poppins, she was only practically perfect, these really are perfect!” Tony agreed.
It was no surprise when they all completed the challenge, even Bruce who wasn’t even all that fond of fish found the meal extremely agreeable.
“We will definitely be coming back,” Steve assured the manager.
“You’re welcome anytime,” he grinned back. “Mind if we get a photo for the wall of fame? You guys are the most famous ones to go up there in years!”
They each selected a shirt in the proper size (or in Steve’s case a size too small) and posed with big grins.
Tony left his card with the restaurant- if they ever wanted to expand, or if the restaurant ever went for sale, he wanted in! A week after they completed the challenge he got an email that A Salt and Battery wanted to create a sign- “The Avengers love our fish and chips!” with a picture of all of them with the manager. Tony greenlit it to be hung in the restaurant's front window the second he got the ok from the rest of the team.
***
A week after having fish and chips for the third time in a month they approached another food challenge. Lunchbox NYC had three separate challenges, and the Avengers would conquer all of them.
Thor and Steve decided to team up for the Motherload- and eight pound sloppy joe, to be eaten in 30 minutes. Clint and Bruce decided to each go for the Death Wish- six hellishly hot wings in 10 minutes, followed by the 151- a 151 ounce milkshake in 20 minutes, strawberry for Clint, vanilla for Bruce. Natasha managed to convince Tony at the last minute to go for the Motherload with her as well, so it was a race between the two pairs.
“Are you ready, kids?”
“AYE AYE CAPTAIN,” yelled a group of middle schoolers at the next table before they all burst out laughing.
“What?” Steve blinked.
“Don’t worry about it, Cap,” Clint told him. “It’s from a cartoon- Spongebob Squarepants. I’ll show you later.”
“Alright,” said the waiter when he got his laughter under control. “Ready? Go!”
Bruce ate his wings like they were normal and not spicy at all. Clint seemed to be biting off pieces and trying to swallow without letting the meat touch his tongue with mixed results.
“Having fun?” Natasha asked.
“Just gotta get through the spicy, then I can have the milkshake and all will be right again,” Clint panted. He made it, but barely. The second he finished his last wing he practically stuck his face in the milkshake to get as much into his mouth as possible. Bruce was a bit more calm.
Steve and Thor were lucky the sloppy joe came cut in half for them already, because as soon as the waiter said go they were off stuffing their faces. Natasha and Tony were a bit more sedate. In the end, only Steve and Thor finished the sloppy joe.
“You know, I’m not really a fan of sloppy joe,” Tony casually commented.
“Why didn’t you say that before we started?” Natasha asked crankily. She did not like to lose.
“I didn’t know. I’ve never had a sloppy joe before today.”
“Really?” Natasha was astonished. “Even I’ve had sloppy joes before, and I was raised in the Red Room.”
“Yeah, but you didn’t have my mom demanding you stay clean constantly. Couldn’t exactly stay clean eating something with sloppy right in the name now could I?”
“You managed to stay pretty clean.”
“Yeah, but look at Steve and Thor,” Tony gestured. Both men had sauce all over their mouths and chins. “Even you have sauce on your mouth, right here.” Tony indicated the corner of Natasha’s mouth and handed her a napkin.
“Thanks,” she was kind of embarrassed to have sauce on her face.
“No prob.”
“Don’t ever say that again.”
“No prob.”
Natasha sighed and rolled her eyes.
“How ya doing Brucie?” Tony asked his science bro. Bruce was curled up with his head on the table suffering from a horrible brain freeze.
“Ugh,” he groaned. “I hate this.”
“Try rubbing your tongue on the roof of your mouth- it will warm you up and stop the brain freeze,” Steve advised.
“Hey, it worked!”
“Of course it worked, I’ve been using that trick since the 20s!” Steve whistled as he gathered his used napkins on his plate for the waiter.
“I like this challenge,” Thor proclaimed. “We must have these sloppy joes at home- Tony, procure the recipe if you can!”
“No need,” Bruce said. “The recipe is super easy- I’ll make it for you whenever you want.”
“My thanks in advance!”
And they did indeed have sloppy joes with some frequency from then on, especially after Tony discovered that the sandwich was much more to his taste with a scoop of coleslaw on top.
***
The next time Bruce had a hankering for curry and didn’t want to cook it himself he proposed they go to Kenka for their curry challenge. Two pounds of curry and two pounds of rice in 20 minutes. All he had to do was mention that the winner of the challenge got a free t-shirt and Tony demanded they all go that very night.
The rest of the Avengers agreed only after copious assurance from Bruce that it wasn’t like last time and they wouldn’t burn their faces off with the overwhelming spiciness of the Phaal sauce.
“Alright so what’s so special about this curry?” Clint asked once they had placed their order for six curry challenges.
“Well…nothing. It’s about the amount of food, not the spiciness or whatever,” the waitress looked puzzled about being asked such a strange question.
“We had the Phaal curry sauce a while ago and it left some of us a little scarred,” Natasha explained.
“Oh yeah, I’ve tried that stuff. It’s pretty hot,” the waitress agreed. “Don’t worry, this stuff is a normal level of hot. Enough to get your attention, but not overwhelming. You’re in good hands here,” with a smile she was off to submit their order.
“Well I don’t know about you guys but I for one am relieved,” Clint said.
“What do you mean? We told you it wasn’t super spicy before we left the tower!” Tony objected.
“Yeah, but you’ve been known to prank people, so how could we be sure?” Steve interjected.
“Bruce doesn’t play pranks!”
“True, but you are persuasive when you want to be,” Thor weighed in.
“Fine, whatever,” Tony crossed his arms grumpily and settled in for a sulk while the others chatted as they waited for their food.
“Here we are, four pounds of food for each of you. Enjoy!” Their waitress said as she dropped off their food.
“It smells fantastic. Great choice in restaurant, Bruce,” Natasha praised.
“Thank you, I hope you all like it,” Bruce smiled. “I’ve eaten here before and I can assure you, the food is exactly as good as it smells.”
They all dug in and had to agree, the food was delicious.
Thor finished first, followed in quick succession by Steve and Clint, both of whom praised the chef to the waitress.
“I’m sure he’ll be thrilled that you liked it,” she looked amused. “How are you guys doing?”
“Great,” Bruce grinned. He was almost done, but was taking his time to savor his food rather than rushing through to meet the time constraint. He ended up missing the time limit by a single minute and losing out on the free shirt and a spot on the wall of fame, but at least he did better than Tony and Natasha, both of whom requested a box so they could take their food home for later.
“Hey, we won't have to cook lunch tomorrow. Excuse us for thinking ahead,” Tony sniffed.
“Curry keeps well, it could last a week and it would still be good,” Natasha added.
“Whatever, I still say you chickened out by not even trying to finish on time,” Clint mocked.
“What was that?” Natasha only had to glare and the archer was backtracking.
“Nothing, I said nothing. Certainly nothing about chickening out, no siree, not me!”
“Mhm, that's what I thought.”
***
The next challenge to come across the Avengers’ radar was the Clinton Hall challenge- a burger with three beef patties, three slices of American cheese, two large buns, bacon, and onion rings, with a half-platter of fries and a pint of beer. Clint insisted that they go before even finding out about the challenge. The name was too tempting for him to resist.
Bruce sat out the challenge. He hadn’t had to Hulk out in a while and he just didn’t have a big enough appetite for all that without Hulk demanding calories.
“Alright, anyone else for a regular burger and fries? Or are all five of you going for the challenge?”
“You know what, I think I’ll sit this one out too,” Tony said. “But I want onion rings- I’ve heard your onion rings are to die for.”
“They are indeed my good sir,” the waiter said.
“And I’ll take a coke,” Tony added as an afterthought.
“I’ll just stick with water, thanks,” Bruce said when the waiter turned to him questioningly.
“You got it hot stuff,” the waiter replied with a wink. “Four burger challenges, two regular burgers, one with fries, one with onion rings, a coke, and a water. Anything else for you guys?”
“I think that covers it,” Steve grinned.
“Alright, coming right up!”
“So Clint, how did you hear about this place anyway?” Steve asked.
“Oh, you know…google…”
“You were googling yourself again weren’t you?” Natasha smirked.
“It’s important to know what the people think of us!” Clint defended himself shrilly.
“Yes, it is indeed important to know what the common folk think of us. After all, if they do not trust us, they will cease to call on us to protect them,” Thor was strangely somber.
“Yeah, but the Avengers have a whole PR team dedicated to that very thing. And you know that Clint. Why were you really googling yourself?” Tony asked
“Well…”
“You were looking for fan sites. Again. Clint, what is it with you in this popularity contest?” Natasha rolled her eyes.
“Who doesn’t want to be popular?”
“I don’t particularly care about popularity,” Bruce chimed in.
“Neither do I, though it is nice to not be hated,” Steve added.
“Why would I care about popularity? I’m a spy and assassin- I’m supposed to exist in the shadows,” said Natasha.
“Ok, fine, I care about being popular. Are you happy now?!” Clint threw his hands in the air in exasperation.
“Yes,” Natasha smirked.
“Order up,” their waiter interrupted as he arrived with their food. “You guys ready to work for your free meal? Or rather, eat for your free meal?” He chuckled.
“You bet your ass I’m ready,” Clint asserted, glad for the change in subject.
They all dug in with gusto, agreeing that the onion rings truly were something special- it was worth the trip for those alone!
All four completed the challenge (thank goodness for the lack of a time limit- some of those were just unreasonable) so Tony only had to pay for himself and Bruce, a fair deal if ever there was one.
“I like the burger challenges,” Thor said.
“I agree,” Steve said. “They're real satisfying.”
“Of course they’re satisfying to you, they’re the second most American thing you can eat besides hot dogs!” Tony teased.
“Whatever,” Steve rolled his eyes but he was smiling so they knew he hadn’t taken it personally.
“I wouldn’t mind coming back and doing another one of this challenge, it was a really great burger,” Natasha asserted.
“Oh yeah, I’d be up for that,” Steve grinned.
“I shall join you,” Thor boomed.
“Maybe next time I’ll be up for it too,” Bruce said.
“Great, so we’ll add this to the rotation of good places to grab a meal,” Tony clapped his hands as he stood. “I don’t know about you guys but I could use a good veg session in front of the TV right about now. Anyone want to marathon Scrubs with me?”
“I’m in,” Bruce said. “That show is surprisingly medically accurate for a sitcom. Not perfect, but pretty good.”
“Really?” Natasha was surprised. “That’s surprising, you’re always complaining about inaccuracies in other shows.”
“Yeah, well, House is just ridiculous,” Bruce groused, going off on a tangent about impossibilities and poor bedside manner that would never be tolerated in the real world, much to the amusement of the others.
***
Since sandwich challenges were so popular, the next challenge Steve found was approved by all. The Pullman Kitchen Beast Sandwich challenge: fried chicken, bacon, ham with pepperjack and cheddar, tomatoes, spicy cherry peppers, two cornbread waffles with maple syrup, all between two pieces of grilled sourdough, a side of waffle fries, and house pickles, free to whoever managed to finish it, no time limit.
“I love that this challenge is called The Beast. It really sets the mood for a challenge, you know?” Clint commented.
“Indeed. It is a most worthy endeavor to take on a beast, no matter what kind of challenge it may be,” Thor boomed.
“Wow that looks amazing,” Bruce said when the platter of food was set before him.
“Smells amazing too,” Tony agreed.
“I’m glad we all ordered the challenge,” Steve said. “I think it really brings us together when we all have a challenge to overcome.”
“Yeah, yeah, less chatting more eating,” Natasha interjected.
Delicious as the food may have been, it was surprisingly messy with the maple syrup. By the end they were all somewhat sticky.
“Excuse me, do you guys have any wet naps?” Bruce asked the waitress.
“Sorry, we’re all out right now. I think there’s a workers strike or something, no one has been able to get any.”
“We’ll live until we get to the tower,” Tony shrugged.
They decided to walk home since it was such a lovely spring day, cutting through the park on their way, taking time to smell the flowers as they passed.
“Hey, is anyone else being eaten alive by mosquitoes?” Clint complained.
“Kinda, yeah,” Tony agreed, scratching at a bite on his wrist.
“Are those bees?” Thor asked, gesturing to the buzzing insects nearing them.
“Yes they are- and we have to get out of here! I’m allergic to bees!” Clint cried.
“I’m sure you’ll be fine as long as we all stay ca- OW!” Steve yelped, slapping a hand on his neck where a bee had just stung him.
“Everybody run!” Clint shouted, sprinting towards the tower as fast as his legs would carry him.
“Ow!” Thor said, glaring at his arm. “I do NOT care for these bees,”
“Me neither, let's make like a tree and LEAF,” Tony started walking with purpose after Clint.
“Ugh, you’re as bad as Clint,” Natasha groaned.
“His humor was bound to rub off on someone eventually,” Steve commented as he swatted away a bee.
“Whatever, it’s not like it’s hurting anyone. Unlike the bees. Let’s get out of here,” Bruce said.
They made their way to the tower quicker than they would have expected, walking faster than they had been before when they started their leisurely stroll. When they finally reached the safe haven of the Stark Tower lobby they all unconsciously let out a sigh of relief.
“I don’t know about you guys but I intend to take a shower and put this whole thing behind me,” Natasha commented.
“My friends, something appears to be wrong with my arm,” Thor said suddenly.
“Looks like you have a bee allergy,” Bruce said, examining the spreading rash. “Let’s get you to medical and find an antihistamine to stop the rash before it gets too bad.”
“I hope these antihistamines work quickly, this sensation is most unpleasant,” Thor followed the doctor, idly scratching at his arm.
“You know,” Steve posited, “delicious as the Beast was, I don’t think I need a repeat performance of this little snafu with the bees.”
“We can avoid it by just taking the subway or a car home,” Natasha shrugged.
“Yeah, but let’s face it; the whole Pullman Kitchen experience has sort of been ruined now.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Natasha sighed. She had quite enjoyed the meal- it was sweet and spicy in all the right places and amounts. It was really too bad about the damn bees.
***
“My friends! I have found our next dining challenge! It is at an establishment known as Otto’s Tacos,” Thor announced.
“Oh yeah, I saw a write up about them in Grub Street ,” Clint enthused. “You can pick from like five different kinds of tacos and all you have to do is eat at least one more than the last winner and you get on the wall of fame.”
“I wonder who will win,” Steve said with a shark-like grin on his face, indicating who he thought would win: him.
“You’re going down old man,” Tony razed him.
“Like you’re going to win,” Clint scoffed.
“I never said I was.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means that I have a secret weapon in my arsonal and I think it’s about time I introduced you all to him,“ Tony smirked evilly.
“Who?”
“You’ll see.”
They gathered that Friday night at Otto’s Tacos and waited with baited breath for Tony’s secret weapon, and it was safe to say that they were all rather underwhelmed when a thin, not overly tall teenager joined them with a bright smile.
“HI!”
“Guys, this is Peter Parker,” Tony introduced.
“Nice to meet you,” Steve managed after a brief silence.
“You too, I’m so excited to be eating with you guys, I’ve been dying to try this place, but I never had a reason to come and its kinda out of the way for me so I never even got the chance to suggest it to my aunt,” Peter gushed as Tony sat back looking smug.
“You sure about this kid, Tony?” Bruce asked quietly. “He’s enthusiastic, sure, but he doesn’t look like he could eat that much…”
“Just wait and see,” Tony said confidently.
Peter fawned over each Avenger at some point in the night, charming them all to the point that they failed to notice exactly how many tacos he was putting away. At the end of the hour, Steve looked confident that he would be declared the winner, but when the owner came by he walked right past Captain America. He stopped by Peter looking baffled.
“Well kid, it looks like you won the challenge. I’ve never seen someone that many tacos before. Didn’t even know it was possible. 47 tacos in one hour. I have a feeling that record is going to stand for a long time.”
“Great job, kid. I knew you could do it,” Tony patted the boy on the shoulder.
“How the heck?!” Clint looked like he was about to have an aneurysm he was so boggled by the idea that tiny Peter Parker had eaten that many tacos.
“What can I say, I have a big appetite,” Peter shrugged with a light blush.
“Kid. You ate 10 more tacos than Thor . And Cap. Big appetite does not cover it,” Natasha raised an eyebrow. “How’d you do it?”
“That's really a conversation for later, I gotta get the kid home before it gets too late or his aunt will kill me,” Tony stood, motioning for Peter to do the same.
“It was great meeting you all!” Peter waved, enthusiastic as ever.
“Seriously, how was that possible?” Steve asked.
“Kid’s gotta be enhanced somehow,” Clint asserted. “No way could an ordinary teenager eat that much.”
“I don’t know guys, don’t you remember being a teenager? It was like I was hungry all the time,” Bruce said.
“Yeah, but 47 tacos hungry ? I don’t think so.”
“We’ll just have to let him come to us in his own time,” Natasha said. “I’m sure he isn’t villainous or anyone dangerous to the public.”
“Of course, Tony wouldn’t have brought him if he was a bad guy,” Steve added.
“Plus, the kid’s so nice . No way there’s an evil cell in his body,” Clint said.
“I agree, the child is far too kind-hearted to be a villain. But surely that amount of food is not normal for even a growing boy,” Thor gave his two cents worth.
“He’ll tell us what’s up when he trusts us more, just give him time,” Natasha was confident. “He doesn’t strike me as the kind to keep secrets from people he trusts.”
“True. I wonder just who he really is though?”
“Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”