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“Sensei, I have a question,” Momo said in a very nice, innocent tone of voice, which, Tenten had learned over the year of teaching her, meant that the incoming question was not nice or innocent at all.
She hadn’t even had her morning coffee yet. “Yes, Momo?” Tenten said tiredly.
The thirteen year old smiled in that saccharine way of hers, her peach-colored hair sweeping to the side as she demurely cocked her head. One of her teammates, Namika, gave her a look of profound disgust from across the training grounds, where she was wrapping bandages around her hands.
“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” Momo said sweetly.
Exactly one year ago, when Tenten had received her genin squad assignment, she had taken one look at Momo and gone straight to the nearest once-tween mean girl she knew – Ino Yamanaka. When asked for advice, the Torture and Interrogation officer had given her one warning.
“Assert your dominance,” she’d said gravely. “We can smell weakness.”
Clearly Tenten had not asserted enough, for now Momo had tired of meddling in her teammates’ fledgling love lives and sunk her little pink-painted claws into Tenten’s own.
Tenten blinked slowly. “What’s it to you, twerp?”
Hardly appropriate language from a sensei to her student, but Tenten had installed a “tough love” approach early on.
Momo shrugged, batting her eyelashes. “It’s just that, well, you’re so beautiful, Tenten-sensei, and I can’t imagine that nobody in Konoha wants to go out with you.”
Oh, she’s good, Tenten thought. An insult wrapped in a compliment. Tenten sighed.
“Who says I don’t have a boyfriend?” Tenten asked, even though the wiser thing would just be to shut the conversation down altogether.
Momo shrugged again, smiling beatifically.
“It’s okay to be single, even at your age, sensei,” she placated her, placing a pitying hand on her forearm for good measure. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Worms for brains,” Tenten heard Namika mutter to her third student, sensible Kento.
Tenten narrowed her eyes, unwisely taking her student’s bait. “I do have a boyfriend, Momo.”
And it wasn’t a lie. She was very happy with Neji, and had been for a good while now. Not that it was any of a nosy genin’s business. She was under no obligation to reveal what or who she was doing to her prepubescent students.
“Why have we never seen him around then?” she probed. “Or seen any pictures of him? Do you not like him very much?” She gave a little gasp. “Are you ashamed of him, sensei?”
Kento, the little angel, coughed uncomfortably from his seat next to the training dummy. “Momo, Tenten-sensei could have perfectly valid reasons for keeping such details private.”
“It’s alright, Kento-kun,” Tenten said, smiling drily. “And the reason you’ve never seen my boyfriend, Momo, is that he’s so devastatingly perfect and handsome that I think you would explode in envy and rage just by setting your eyes on him. It’s for your own safety.”
Neji was, of course, perfect in Tenten’s eyes, but obviously not the god she was describing. Tenten just enjoyed pushing Momo’s buttons.
Predictably, Momo’s face took on that desperate, flushed quality it took when she wanted something very badly. “Tell me his name then.”
“Hashirama Senju.”
“I’m serious, sensei!”
“His name is…” Tenten leaned forward, beckoning Momo closer. “His name is…”
Momo leaned forward. “Yes?”
“…None of your business.” Tenten erupted in laughter as Momo stomped her foot in rage.
“Just you wait, sensei,” Momo said vengefully, over Kento and Namika’s sniggering in the background. “I’m going to figure out who it is. If he exists.”
“You do that,” Tenten said, patting Momo’s peachy little head. “Now, Momo, I have a question for you.”
Momo brightened instantly in anticipation of a conversation in which she could prove her romantic expertise (Tenten had been told many times of the many love confessions Momo received every year, a conversation topic Momo never bored of). “Yes, sensei?”
“Do you know what my sensei would make me do if I wasted his time?” Tenten asked, still patting Momo’s head.
“What?” Momo asked warily.
“He would make me run fifty laps around the training grounds,” Tenten said. Momo’s face had begun to fall in horror. “Do you know what I’m gonna make you do, though?”
“None?” Momo said hopefully. “Because you’re the prettiest, smartest, kindest sensei in the village?”
Tenten stuck her lip out in false gratitude. “No. I’m going to make you run a hundred.”
She should probably be afraid of the murderous looks Momo was sending her way as she began to jog. The girl was formidable when she actually took training seriously, after all. For now, however, Tenten simply basked in the joy of making little genin suffer.
“So. Who will define Nature Transformation for me?” Neji said. At his four o’clock, he spotted thirteen year old Touri trying his very hardest to sneak up on him, but it was no use, for when he leapt and tried to land a kick on him, he easily grasped his ankle and threw him away.
Another small fist – tiny, solemn Ran’s- tried and failed to catch his left side – no doubt she had been using Touri as a decoy. Neji did not know whether Touri had consented to this.
“I can define Nature Transformation, sensei,” she said as Neji batted her away.
Neji did not look up from the book he was revising from as he kicked Ran’s other teammate, Kotaro, away from the general direction of his calves. “Yes, Ran?”
“It is an advanced form of chakra control – oof –” at this point she had attempted another offensive on Neji and had failed as he elbowed her in the gut – harsh but necessary, she was wide open – “that entails the moulding and defining of the nature of one’s -oof-” (another failed attack)- “- chakra, where you alter its properties for use in techniques.”
“Very good, Ran,” Neji said. Touri came flying down from a tree branch, but Neji squarely pushed him aside, eyes still on the book. God, they were never going to learn that aerial attacks wouldn’t work on him. “You need to guard your sides more, you could have died five times now. Now, who else is going to tell me the difference between nature transformation and shape transformation?”
No sound but the crackle of leaves beneath their feet and his students’ gasps for breath as they held their bruised chests and tried, desperately, to land a hit on him.
“Anyone?” Neji finally looked up from the book. “We’ve been over this. Come on, I’ve barely touched you guys.”
Touri forced himself forward, still panting. Neji sidestepped the attack easily and tripped him for good measure. “Don’t attack unless you have an answer to the question. No, somebody other than Ran. Kotaro? Come out from the bushes.”
Kotaro, the final teammate, skulked out from his hiding place, eyes wide with fright.
“You should know better that I can see you in those bushes, Kotaro,” Neji chastised.
“Sorry, sensei,” Kotaro mumbled, settling into a fighting stance. “I- I know the answer. I think.”
“Attack me and tell me,” Neji coaxed.
Kotaro rushed forward, Byakugan on. When Neji had first received his assignment, he’d protested to Kakashi – wouldn’t a Hyuga teaching a Hyuga be a conflict of interest? But Kakashi had said, “only if you let it”, and that was that.
Kotaro Hyuga had proven, against all odds, to be the most difficult to teach. Neji had thought Hinata was the mildest shinobi he’d ever met, but that was before Kotaro, whose shyness and timidity had exceeded his expectations.
Neji didn’t want to subconsciously favor him over the others, but even now he found himself going easy on him – in a long line of unsuccessful attempts to get him to gain more self-confidence. He deliberately left a spot open for Kotaro to attack, but the boy was too focused on Neji’s own hands, even though one was harmlessly holding a book.
“The answer, Kotaro,” Neji reminded him. His teammates, catching their breath in the background, exchanged a despairing look.
“Er, um,” Kotaro stumbled. “Nature transformation changes the properties of the chakra.”
Neji nodded, pointedly leaving his entire left side undefended. “Yes. Good. Shape transformation?”
“He’s wide open!” he heard Touri whisper furiously to Ran, who shook her head.
Kotaro heard Touri, and must have thought he meant him, which made him freeze and go full defense. Neji wanted to slam his own head into a tree, but forced himself not to say anything as he took a step forward, palm extended to reluctantly goad Kotaro into attacking. “Shape transformation, Kotaro?”
“Sh-shape transformation,” Kotaro stuttered. Neji subtly nodded at Ran to come over and start attacking Neji herself, which she obliged. With Ran now occupying Neji’s right hand, Kotaro was now presumably undistracted enough to answer.
“Shape transformation is when the actual form and movement of the chakra is changed,” Kotaro said, attempting a Gentle Fist attack, which Neji graciously allowed to just brush him. It barely did; Kotaro was still too hesitant.
“Thank you, Kotaro,” Neji said, heart sinking. He sighed, before kicking both Kotaro and Ran away and looking over to a mutinous-looking Touri.
“Touri,” he called, “come tell me what the Five Basic Chakra Natures are and list them.” The easiest question by far, but Touri had never been one for theory. I’m being too easy on them, Neji thought frustratedly.
Touri launched himself forward, raining his fists on Neji.
“They’re the foundation of all elemental ninjutsu!” he said enthusiastically, trying a gutsy offensive near Neji’s chest – hm, aiming for my weakness, Neji thought approvingly, while sending Touri back with a measured fist to the gut.
“Go on,” Neji said, as Ran tried a Clone jutsu to get him – ambitious, and it nearly landed a hit on him, but no, he dispelled it and sent her flying again. His thoughts wandered to Kotaro again. Why wasn’t he attacking Neji’s blind spot? He made a mental note to ask him about it later.
“The Five Basic Chakra Natures are Fire, Wind, Lightning, Earth, and Water,” Touri wheezed, apparently just trying brute force now. Neji shoved him away with his forearm.
“Good, good,” Neji said. He cast a glance over his three exhausted students, kneeling in the grass and catching their breath. “Alright, take a minute, and then one of you is going to tell me which chakra nature beats what.”
An hour and a half of chakra theory/taijutsu practice later, his students were all spread-eagled on the ground as Neji unblocked their tenketsu.
“You did well today, but you need to improve yourselves if you want me to sign you up for the coming chunin exams,” he said, poking a point on Touri’s body and ignoring the overdramatic gasp that came with it. “Touri, you don’t learn from your mistakes. Ran, you need a dramatic improvement in defense. And Kotaro, you need to stop hesitating.”
“Sorry, sensei,” Kotaro mumbled unhappily, looking away in shame. Of all of them, he had done the worst today; Ran and Touri had managed to land a hit or two on Neji at least once – Ran had even given him a good bruise – but Kotaro had barely touched him.
“Yanno, sensei,” Touri said, stretching his arms, which he had recently regained the use of, as Neji moved on to help Ran. “If we didn’t have to review chakra theory during taijutsu practice, we’d probably do a lot better.”
Neji gave him an unimpressed look. “Oh, that’s a shame. I suppose, then, that when we meet rogue ninja like the one we met last week in the Land of Grass, that they will refrain from using ninjutsu in order to help you focus on your taijutsu.”
Touri gave him a good-natured grin. “Or I can knock ‘em out before they even make their hand seals, like, whoop, bam, pow-whoop!”
Against his better judgment, Neji bit back a smile. He shouldn’t be encouraging Touri to be goofy, but it was so easy to laugh at him. “A shinobi should be able to think of many things at once in a combat situation.”
“I agree with sensei,” Ran supplied seriously. She was a very solemn type of girl, dressed all in black, the rims of her eyes thick with black eyeliner, her thick sheaf of black hair cut in jagged, choppy bangs. “You’re too reckless.”
“Sensei’s too uptight,” Touri said daringly, and Kotaro gasped a little bit.
Neji reached over and flicked Touri’s forehead just hard enough to make him yelp. “It’s called being an adult, Touri.”
“I’m serious!” the boy argued. “What you need, sensei, is to loosen up. You need a night on the town.”
“A night on the town,” Neji deadpanned.
“A night on the town! A chance to check out all the hot babes!” Touri proclaimed, puffing his chest.
The Neji of a year ago would have been scandalized, but he had become used to Touri’s improprieties. He was simply the most obnoxious child he’d ever met, and Neji would just have to live with it. He’d thought hormone-addled Kiba and Naruto “Sexy Jutsu” Uzumaki had pushed the bounds of adolescent debauchery, but Touri gave it new meaning. The boy’s most treasured literature was Make-Out Tactics. So beloved was this book by Touri, and so instrumental it was in shaping his personality, that Neji had sent several petitions to the Hokage Office to have the infernal books banned from the village, but considering that Kakashi was currently in power, it was a lost cause.
“I’m not interested in any checking out ‘hot babes’,” Neji said tiredly.
“Hot dudes, then, I don’t judge,” Touri said. “Or, like, non-binary people. Love is love.”
“Neither am I interested in any ‘hot dudes’,” Neji said, annoyed. “Or non-binary people. I am interested in improving you three and myself as shinobi.”
“Uptight answer,” Touri said. “Sensei, did you know you’re very high up on the popularity polls?”
“You read those dumb magazines?” Ran said judgmentally.
“Sure I do. Preparing for when I’m on the front page,” Touri said, winking at her. “Sensei, did you know that every month the magazine has a popularity poll for the Konoha 12, and that you are consistently in the top five?”
Neji was aware of the village gossip magazine, BeLeaf It!, but it existed so far out of the periphery of his priorities that this news took him by surprise. “There’s a Konoha 12 ranking?”
“Yeah. Don’t try gunning for number one, though, Naruto Uzumaki’s always hogging it. But you do pretty well, all things considered.”
All things considered? What things? Neji bit his tongue.
“I’m not gunning for anything,” Neji said. “Popularity polls are stupid and a waste of time. You have better things to do, Touri.”
“You’re missing my point, sensei,” Touri said. “I’m trying to tell you that you’d do so well with the ladies if you’d just apply yourself.”
Children are quite literally insane these days, Neji thought, giving Touri a horrified glance as he moved on to Kotaro. What’s he so interested in my personal life for? I was the complete opposite with Gai-sensei.
He still was. Gai-sensei was vocally and disgustingly in love with Kakashi and Neji tried his very best not to dwell too hard on it.
Touri weaponizing Neji’s own words to him to advise him to get a girlfriend…incredible.
“Apply myself,” Neji repeated.
“Yeah. To be honest, sensei, you come across as a little bit…hm, what’s the word,” Touri said thoughtfully. Ran, next to him, was shaking her head, holding the bridge of her nose. “Unpracticed.”
Was this bean sprout of a human being calling him a virgin?
“Are you going to keep digging yourself into a bigger hole, Touri?” Neji said, a dangerous note entering his voice.
“I was just saying that if you ever needed a little advice, you could come to me.” Touri punctuated this with what he thought was a winning smile. “In fact, I have a proposition for you.”
Here we go, Neji thought.
“I can get you a date with practically anyone in Konoha,” Touri said winningly. “But on the condition that you get me a date with Tenten-sensei. Put in a good word for me. I know you guys are close friends.”
We’re CLOSE, alright. Neji forced himself not to laugh. Touri had an almost pathological infatuation with any shinobi that was at least ten years his senior, but what was actually incredible was his sincere faith that one day, any of those people might return his affections. Neji couldn’t take the kid anywhere without some kind of scene. His list of targets included:
Several of their clients.
Tsunade. (Physical violence had ensued.)
Hinata AND Hanabi.
Sakura Haruno, every single time they had to go to the hospital.
Ino and Sai, on two separate occasions.
Rock Lee, for reasons confusing and terrifying to Neji.
And, of course, there was the quintessential object of his desires, Tenten, for whom Touri had purchased flowers, written poems, and drawn (thankfully very respectful) portraits, no matter how many times Tenten politely let him down. Tenten thought it was the funniest thing that had ever happened to her. Neji sometimes sat down and thought about this life he lived, where his thirteen year old student was hopelessly in love with his semi-secret girlfriend.
It was the reason why he kept his and Tenten’s relationship firmly private when it came to his students. He couldn’t risk Touri dying of a broken heart, or worse, deciding Neji was his rival or something. It would make his lesson plans so much more complicated, and the chunin exams were coming up. Still, he couldn’t let this farce evolve into Touri taking actual measures to set Neji up with someone.
“You’re missing a crucial point here, Touri,” Neji said. “I already have a girlfriend.”
“Really?” came Ran and Kotaro’s simultaneous exclamations, to which Neji frowned.
“What?” Neji said, offended. “For your information, I am in the top five of the Konoha 12 popularity poll.”
“My apologies, sensei,” Ran said, looking slightly disgusted. “It was just a surprise, is all.” Kotaro nodded his agreement, and so did Touri.
My students find me repulsive and incapable of romantic attachments, Neji thought.
“Who is she?” Touri asked. He made a face. “Wait, I hope she isn’t like, related to you or anything. Your clan does that sort of thing, doesn’t it? Ew.”
“Not all the time!” Kotaro protested.
“The fact that it does it at all is concerning, Kotaro-kun,” said Ran.
“Enough,” Neji said, rolling his eyes. “My girlfriend is not a Hyuga, and as for her identity, that is not your concern. You’re all better now. Let’s go.”
“We were never this hard to teach,” Tenten loudly complained, sinking down onto Lee’s sofa.
“Kids these days are different,” Neji agreed as he poured tea for all of them, taking special care to heap sugar in Tenten’s cup and milk in Lee’s.
Lee came out of his bedroom with a wriggling Metal in his arms, having just changed him. Tenten instantly forgot her woes and made grabby hands, squealing in delight when Lee relinquished her godson to her.
His father’s son, Metal made loud, enthusiastic babbling noises as Tenten covered his face in kisses, Neji biting back a smile at the sight. For someone who claimed to be allergic to kids, Tenten had taken to Metal the moment she’d set her eyes on him.
“Oh, Metal-chan,” Tenten said mournfully, looking the baby in the eyes. “If only I’d waited a few more years before applying for a genin team, and then I could have taught you. I know you’d never try to bully me.”
“Your students are bullying you?” Lee asked, alarmed.
“And each other,” Tenten groaned. “This morning Momo got it in her head to interrogate me about my love life. I think she thinks I’m lying about having a boyfriend to save face.”
“You didn’t tell them about us, did you?” Neji said urgently. Tenten, occupied with a restless Metal, made a vague gesture with her chin, and Neji, understanding what she wanted, brought her teacup to her lips so she could take a sip.
“Of course I didn’t. But now Momo’s going to be poking around trying to prove I’m single. That girl has it out for me.”
“How saddening,” Lee said unhappily. “I would never imagine antagonizing Gai-sensei in such a way!”
“Eh, I’m not antagonized,” Tenten said. “It’s kind of fun to watch her stomp her little feet about it. But I can’t help feeling like I’m not being scary enough.”
“Well, for all our sakes, I hope she never does find out,” Neji said, sipping his own tea. “Or else Touri might challenge me to a battle to the death or something.”
Lee and Tenten erupted in laughter at the mention of Touri, as anything to do with his pursuit of Tenten (or Lee, occasionally) was exceedingly funny to them.
“Well, at least Touri thinks I’m dateable,” Tenten said, setting Metal, who had begun to squirm, down on the floor. “Momo is quite convinced that it’s impossible for a single person in Konoha to even think about dating me.”
“Well, that makes two of us,” Neji grumbled. “I think one of my kids actually gagged this afternoon when I said I had a girlfriend. Of course, this is after Touri wanted to set me up on a date because he felt so sorry for me being so ‘unpracticed’.” Tenten barked out a laugh at that last sentence.
Lee gave them both a look, opened his mouth, then closed it.
“Spit it out, Lee,” Neji said, cocking an eyebrow.
“Well,” Lee said. “I was about to say it serves you right, rival.”
“Excuse me?”
“You and Tenten were always so disgusted at Gai-sensei and Kakashi’s affections,” Lee said defensively. “Now you cannot reveal your relationship to your students because of how they would react. I just think it is rather karmic.”
“That’s not fair!” Tenten exclaimed. “Gai-sensei and Kakashi – come on, it’s a little weird. It’s like – it’s like seeing your dad make out with the village pervert. I’m happy for them and everything, but I don’t have to see the guy who practically raised me sucking face-”
“Kakashi is the Hokage, not the village pervert,” Lee said. “And while no one could possibly be good enough for Gai-sensei, Kakashi is the closest it can get. There is nothing disgusting about youthful love.” Lee pointed a finger accusatorily at Neji and Tenten. “And you two are ones to talk about sucking face!”
“We barely do anything in front of you!” Tenten protested. “And you just said there’s nothing disgusting about love, you hypocrite!”
“Not when such love is constantly pushed in one’s face!”
“This conversation is circular and stupid,” Neji deadpanned.
“Neji, am I right or not?” Tenten demanded.
“Of course you’re right,” Neji said immediately, which earned him a kiss from Tenten and an uncharacteristically scornful look from Lee.
“How love has destroyed you, rival,” Lee said, shaking his head.
“You have Metal’s spit-up on your shoulder,” Neji pointed out.
“He is currently chewing your hair again!” Lee accused, which was unfortunately true, as Metal had toddled over to Neji’s side, promptly grabbed a fistful of his hair, and shoved it in his mouth. Neji’s hair was a longtime favorite snack of Metal’s; it was assumed he liked the smell of Hyuga shampoo. Neji had long resigned himself to washing baby saliva out of his hair on a regular basis.
“Let him chew what he wants. Tenten is right. Those kids don’t view us the same way we viewed Gai-sensei,” Neji said. “Touri will sooner or later be plotting my assassination.”
“Yeah, it’s the same here,” Tenten said, crossing her arms. “Namika might as well be a rabid dog -more than her actual dog -, Kento treats me the way he would treat an old woman whose groceries he has to carry, and Momo…well, one thing’s for sure, I’m no motherly figure for her.” She sighed mournfully. “You’d have thought being a war hero would earn you a little respect.”
Lee stuck his lip out thoughtfully.
“I’m sure they respect you,” he said. “You two are great ninja, after all! But you represent something very important in their small, limited lives, and it’s only natural that they become curious, especially since, well, both of you are rather private people.”
“My students know plenty of stuff about me!” Tenten said. “They know I prefer kunai over shruiken, they know I’m ambidextrous, they know when my birthday is.” She paused, thoughtfully tapping her chin with her index finger. “I think.”
“That is exactly my point,” Lee said. “They know nothing personal about you! When we were genin, Gai-sensei would tell us everything about himself – his favorite foods, his favorite childhood memories, his most treasured novels. All your students know about you is related to ninja training!”
“Well, that’s just how Gai-sensei is,” Neji said, shrugging. “I mean, Kakashi isn’t like that. Naruto and Sakura have never even seen his whole face.”
“But they are aware of many other things about him,” Lee chastised. “Think about what Gai-sensei is to us! About how it strengthened our team! You think you are being professional, my friends, but really, you are hurting your team dynamics. Your students want to get to know you!” Lee frowned. “Do they even know how old you are?”
Neji scoffed. “Of course they do.” He then remembered how Ran had unironically asked him two weeks ago what he was doing for his fortieth birthday (ouch), and looked away.
“My point stands,” Lee said triumphantly.
“That doesn’t solve the problem,” Tenten said. “It’ll be such a pain in the ass if the kids find out about Neji and I being together.”
“They might,” Lee said slowly, “just be fine with it.”
“They’ll be grossed out. Kids hate it when adults have love lives,” Tenten said. “It is fact.” She reached over to pat Metal’s cheek. “Not you, huh, Metal-chan? No, your dad is raising you with a healthy perception of romantic relationships, isn’t he? So you can grow up to be a well-adjusted teenager who doesn’t annoy his sensei with irrelevant questions?”
Metal blew a raspberry – and a mouthful of Neji’s hair - in her face.
It was shaping up to be a great Friday - Neji’s one day off from sensei duties, where he didn’t have to unblock tenketsu, read chakra theory books, or answer any offensive questions. He didn’t even have to see Kotaro; the kid was off helping his father with something outside of the compound. Serendipitously, Neji had no solo missions, not even any clan duties either, so he had the day to himself. His morning had been spent in meditation, reading the paper, and birdwatching from his porch. Ah, the beauty of solitude.
Maybe the kids are right. I am old, he thought, not very bothered.
Tenten was off testing a prototype, but he was meeting her later that evening for a night out. Neji grinned to himself as he poured himself another cup of aromatic tea. Yep, it was a beautiful, work-free, genin-free day, where he got to do all of his favorite things and see his amazing girlfriend later. All was right in the world.
“Neji-senpai?” He heard a young Hyuuga cousin say from behind him, coughing awkwardly. He got a bad feeling in his chest.
“Yes?” he turned.
“There is a young genin waiting in the gardens. She was asking for you? I believe she is one of your students,” the young chunin said uncertainly.
Neji sighed. It must have been Ran; she was a bookish sort, and perhaps she’d come to him with a question, which was not uncommon. Reluctantly, he got up, telling himself it was fine. Ran was a pragmatic girl of little words; she didn’t dally, and Neji could easily salvage his morning if he got whatever explanation she wanted done quickly.
What he found in the gardens, however, was not Ran Shizuka. It was none other than Momo Kamei, Tenten’s peach-colored demon.
For fuck’s sake. He already knew what this was about. How had she discovered it?
Lee, he decided. She must have weaseled it out of him. He can’t keep a secret to save his life.
Momo was casting her gaze over the compound, looking rather pleased, primly seated on a bench with her legs crossed and her hands folded in her lap.
“Good morning, Neji-sensei,” Momo said brightly. “I hope you’re having a nice morning.”
“I was,” Neji said tiredly.
“I just came here to ask you a couple of questions, considering how close you are to Tenten-sensei and all,” Momo said.
Here it comes. “Go ahead.”
“Do you know who her boyfriend is?” Momo asked, completely seriously. Neji fought down the euphoria flooding his brain. They don’t know yet.
Carefully, carefully. Momo was easy to underestimate, but Tenten had told Neji many times of how sharp she could be. There could be no mistakes here. Even not knowing of their relationship, everyone knew how close he was to Tenten – it would be unreasonable if he didn’t know this hypothetical boyfriend.
“I’ve met him,” Neji said blankly.
“Who is he?” Momo probed.
“I’m sure that’s something you can ask your sensei,” Neji tried.
“Oh, I have,” she said, shaking her head unhappily, “but you know how she is. She just joked it off and then made me run a hundred laps. I thought I should come to you. I’m sure you’re much more reasonable.” She punctuated this with a winning grin. If Neji had not dealt with the likes of Hanabi Hyuga for upwards of a decade, he might have fallen for the flattery.
“Well, Tenten’s boyfriend really values his privacy,” he said instead, watching Momo deflate. “I must respect their wishes.”
“Oh, but that’s no fun!” Momo said. “Come on, sensei, you can’t leave me out to dry like that.”
“Why do you have such a vested interest in Tenten’s personal life?” Neji asked. “You should learn to abide by people’s boundaries more.”
Momo got up, pacing back and forth agitatedly. “It’s just mind-boggling! Tenten-sensei can be such a brute sometimes – I need to know what kind of weirdo would be into that sort of thing!”
Hey!
“Her boyfriend is that kind of weirdo,” Neji said, gritting his teeth.
He felt rather insulted on Tenten’s behalf. Sure, she was a bit blunt, but that was a point in her favor! She was honest and uncomplicated. It was perfectly reasonable, in Neji’s opinion, to be attracted to a beautiful, honest, intelligent jonin like her.
“Yes, well,” Momo said grumpily, “I just wanted to know a thing or two about him. The only thing Tenten-sensei told me is that he’s supposedly, like, devastatingly handsome beyond my comprehension or something.” She looked at Neji from the corner of her eye. “You’ve met him. Do you think so?”
Well, well, well! Neji bit his lip to keep himself from smirking. Devastatingly handsome, hm?
“I suppose, if she feels that way,” he said vaguely, feeling rather pleased with himself.
“She might just be embarrassed of him,” Momo continued, mostly to herself. “Oh, what if he’s ugly? Or a smelly slob!” She gasped. “What if he’s a rogue-nin? And she’s keeping their star-crossed love a secret!”
What an imagination! If only she used it for genjutsus or something.
“None of those things are true,” Neji deadpanned. Especially the ugly part, apparently.
Momo sighed. “Well, I suppose you’re not going to tell me anything. Thank you anyway, Neji-sensei. Have a nice day.” And with that, she flounced away, leaving behind her a trail of what smelled like an unholy concoction of sugary drugstore perfumes.
Neji turned to go back to his porch, humming to himself. Hinata came walking up to him, staring out after Momo with a puzzled look on her face.
“Was that one of your students, nii-san?” Hinata asked. “I don’t remember seeing her with you before.”
“She’s Tenten’s,” Neji said, finally allowing a smug grin to slowly occupy his face. “She came here grilling me about who Tenten’s mystery boyfriend is.” He laughed to himself. “Apparently, he’s devastatingly handsome.”
Hinata raised her eyebrows. “Oh, I see.” She paused for a moment. “Well, this girl didn’t even suspect you for a second, did she? That must mean Tenten said that because she knew her students wouldn’t think it was you.”
The smirk disappeared, and Hinata laughed. “Oh, nii-san, I was kidding!”
Neji just walked away, grumbling under his breath.
Momo was actually rather impressed they had made it this far undetected.
Friday was their sensei’s day off, and so Momo deduced that it was tonight that Tenten-sensei would undoubtedly be meeting the mysterious boyfriend. She’d bullied Kento and bribed Namika into coming with her, but what was surprising is that, at some point, they had been joined by that fool Touri and his teammates – seemingly for the exact same reasons. And so here they were, poised on rooftop after rooftop, tracking Tenten-sensei as she weaved alone through the Konoha streets towards the nightlife district.
Tenten stopped in front of a bar, waiting patiently. The six genin dropped down from the rooftops into a nearby alleyway, watching her.
“Wow!” Kotaro squeaked. “Tenten-sensei looks so pretty!”
It was true, if Momo was being honest. Her hair was braided into the trademark twin buns at the top of her head. She was actually wearing makeup, and dangling earrings, and a really nice red qipao that wasn’t actually training clothes for once. Momo had to hand it to her. Her sensei cleaned up well.
“Tenten-sensei always looks pretty,” Kento said loyally.
Namika elbowed him, jostling the little brown Inuzuka dog she held in her arms. “Stop being such a kiss-ass.”
“She looks like a goddess, as always,” Touri waxed poetic. “Oh, most beautiful Tenten-sensei, if you would only cast your divine eyes on the likes of me-”
Ran sighed. “This is so dumb, oh my god. Who cares who she’s dating?”
“Tenten-sensei and her-” Touri gagged at the word “- her hideous boyfriend must know who Neji-sensei’s girlfriend is. Maybe they’re even meeting them tonight!”
“Someone’s coming!” Momo hissed. “Quiet, idiot!”
They hushed as someone walked up to the bar – someone with long, dark hair.
“Ugh,” Namika groaned as the senseis hugged. For a slightly strange amount of time. “She’s just meeting boring old Neji-sensei again.”
“N-Neji-sensei isn’t boring!” Kotaro stuttered.
“Yeah, whatever,” Namika dismissed. “Ugh, Momo, I knew this mission was a bust. She’s just getting drinks with Neji-sensei.”
“They’re standing awfully close to each other,” Ran observed, to no one in particular.
“They must be very good friends,” Kento said.
“Shhh!” Momo said, a finger over her lips. “Listen to what they’re saying. They might drop a name.”
“So I was paid a visit this morning by one of your students,” Neji-sensei said, smiling in a very unusually nice kind of way. Momo had always been of the belief that he would be very attractive if it weren’t for his unfortunate personality, and that was proving true. “She had a few questions about your boyfriend.”
A hush fell over the genin as Tenten-sensei grinned a very weird sort of grin. “Oh, did she?”
“Apparently he is, and I quote, ‘devastatingly handsome’,” Neji-sensei said, looking…oddly pleased. He leaned into further into Tenten-sensei’s personal space than before, which was, at this point, very, very close.
“I hope their partners are cool with this,” Kento said, voicing all of their thoughts. Momo was beginning to feel nauseous.
Tenten-sensei was blushing for some unknown reason. “And if he is?”
“Well, you should have told me how handsome he reportedly is,” Neji-sensei continued, with that very, very weird energy still in the air.
“And if I did?” Tenten-sensei said, leaning even closer.
“Guys,” Kotaro muttered. “Should we be here?”
“Shut it,” Momo hissed at him.
“Well, don’t get a big head about it,” Tenten-sensei laughed, and then she-
Ran gagged. Momo retched. Touri shrieked. Kotaro groaned. Namika swore. Kento threw his hands over his eyes.
Neji-sensei broke away from the passionate kiss he was sharing with Tenten-sensei – ugh, Momo needed to wash her eyes out with bleach, their hands were all over each other – and turned around, Byakugan on. All traces of smug happiness disappeared from his face.
“Looks like we have company, Tenten,” Neji said icily. His voice turned sharp. “You six. Come out of there.”
Caught, they shuffled out of their hiding place and faced them.
Tenten-sensei – while still looking very beautiful in her date outfit – crossed her arms, looking as scary as ever. “Well. You breached our privacy and eavesdropped on a private conversation. What do you have to say for yourselves?”
“I can’t believe you’re cheating on your partners with each other!” Namika exclaimed. “That’s low!”
“Namika, you dumbass!” Momo yelled. “They are each other’s partners!”
Namika paused, before exchanging a look with her dog. “Oh. That makes a lot more sense, actually.”
“Whatever we may have been doing aside,” Neji-sensei said, looking a bit concerned for Namika’s intelligence, “what on earth possessed you to spy on us in such a way?”
“Maybe if you’d told us from the beginning who your partners were, we wouldn’t have been forced to find our answers ourselves!” Momo said righteously.
Ran looked actually green. “And we might not have had to see…that.”
Touri looked like he was on the verge of tears. “How long has this been going on?”
“Several years,” Neji said. “And it’s not like it was a secret, either. It is not our fault you all were not observant enough to figure it out.”
Touri took a deep breath to compose himself, then set a hand on Neji’s forearm.
“It’s alright, sensei,” he said, the pain of a martyr on his face. “If I had to lose my beloved Tenten-sensei to any man, I could bear it if it was you.”
Tenten gave Touri a look of deep pity. “Kid, I seriously need you to know that it was never going to happen.”
“Please, say no more, my cruel goddess,” Touri said, covering his eyes. “I have borne enough heartbreak tonight.”
“Well,” Tenten said, casting Touri one last pitying look out of the corner of her eye, “now you know the truth. Tell me, did the earth split in half? Did lightning come to strike us from the sky? You wasted all of that time and effort over nothing.”
“Although I am impressed you managed to track us that long, undetected,” Neji said thoughtfully. “Well done.”
“But don’t do it again,” Tenten threatened. “Or we’ll make you regret it.”
“I already regret my entire life,” Ran muttered under her breath.
“Now scram,” Tenten barked, “or I’m making you all run laps tomorrow noon.”
They did, in fact, scram.
“Sensei, I have a question,” Momo said the next day, with a decidedly innocent tone of voice, which meant that the question she was about to ask was not innocent at all.
Again? Tenten thought. Remembering Lee’s advice and the backfiring of the whole privacy policy thing, she decided to humor her, though.
“Yes, Momo?” Tenten said patiently.
“So when are you getting married?”
Oh, for fuck’s sake.