Chapter Text
I am not the best brother in the world, but I have reflected and I know that everything has been my fault. And I need to compensate for it.
From the first moment I was born, I took a place that does not belong to me, but there is nothing to do about it anymore. I am his older brother, and that is the only thing I have and the only thing I will ever have. So I have to work hard.
The life of the Matsuno brothers had been more than simple after they had finished school. They did nothing but laze day to day in their shared room. It’s not like they just gave up once they got out of the education system, no.
They were all very excited the first few months of starting their new life, continuing their education maybe, finding a decent job, maybe renting a place to have their space.
But none of that happened. The six useless were stuck in the same place for months, and those months turned into years. Until they realized that they were old enough to drink alcohol without lying, and that, although they didn’t want to admit it, was shocking to them.
So, one day Choromatsu entered the room with a stack of papers in his hand, dropping it soundly on the small round table where all the brothers were gathered. The sound snapped them from what they were each doing, to stare at Choromatsu. Someone of them were curious, some annoyed.
The third of the brothers cleared his throat, puffing out his chest with an air of importance that he didn’t have.
— We have to work! — He exclaimed, placing his hands on his waist.
There was a silence in the room that lasted about two minutes, two minutes where the five of them looked seriously at their brother, then continued with what they were doing.
Choromatsu looked at them incredulously, he knew that they were going through a “hiatus” stage on their lifes, but it had already lasted too long. Time was passing, and they weren’t going to be young forever. So, with annoyance, the third of the brothers banged hard on the stack of papers, again drawing the attention of his brothers.
— I’m being seriously! How long are you going to sit there looking at your ugly faces!? All of your butts are already getting square from how little you fuckers get up! — He yelled, banging for each sentence he finished.
— Oh, you’re being serious. — Todomatsu replied. — Then allow me.
And saying this, the five brothers began to laugh in his face. It was not a sarcastic laugh; they laughed from the heart. An erratic laugh that made Choromatsu angrier.
— Laugh all you want, you useless garbage! — He yelled, crossing his arms. — But you are all fucking virgins who are never going to achieve anything in your pathetic lives!
Ichimatsu slightly stopped his laughter.
— Just like you, Choromatsu.
— Ouch! — Osomatsu added.
Choromatsu clenched his fists and turned his back on his siblings, listening to their laughter in the background.
He was upset, very upset, more than upset. He wanted to get a job; wanted to improve as a person in society. And he also wanted his brothers to succeed in society! If not, he wouldn’t have mentioned the job at all and he would just look it up himself!
— Just fuck off. —He murmured.
Osomatsu ceased his laughter, catching to the murmur that his little brother let out.
He looked around, scratched his nose, and sighed softly. His brother wanted to start his life, he knew he was tired of being a kept man, but he doesn’t have the power to do something because none of them have done it, not even his older brother, who should demonstrate how to do things.
— Okay, okay. — Osomatsu said, looking at his brothers asking for silence.
The four of them looked at him curiously as he lazily got up from his place, sensing that his brother had really become upset.
Osomatsu stretched a little in his place, it was true that sitting all day was atrophying his muscles, uh, his little brother wasn’t full of shit.
— Choromatsu-nii-san. — Todomatsu said quickly from his place on the ground, noticing his brother’s annoyance. — There’s no need to get so angry. We live well as we are.
Jyushimatsu and Ichimatsu looked at each other and nodded.
— We live very well. — They added in unison.
Choromatsu didn’t reply, just turned his back in response. So Osomatsu looked at his brothers for the last time, asking for silence in order to improve the situation, and placed one of his hands on Choromatsu’s shoulder to get his attention.
— Hey, it’s fine. — He murmured as softly as he could. — Show us all that nerd shit you brought.
The third of the brothers didn’t want to give in. He wanted to stay upset until he got a job and his brothers went to him asking for forgiveness on their knees. But he had been working on those resumes, job reports, and tips all week.
— I have no problem working for a sweet girl. — Karamatsu said out of the blue, relieving the heavy atmosphere.
The five brothers turned to see him on the sofa, polishing the dark glasses that he hopefully took off to sleep.
— No one would hire you, jerk. — Ichimatsu answered.
Those comments were enough to encourage Choromatsu to sit down at the table, and start a boring and tedious conversation about tips for going to job interviews, when he had never been too one. In addition to forcing the little ones to pay extreme attention; making and unmaking their resumes, reading a manual on social behavior and other weird stuff...
Osomatsu had no opinion. He remained silent for most of the conversation, watching his brothers flow with the subject, letting Karamatsu be the one to keep the others entertained with his inconsistencies from time to time, easing the seriousness with which Choromatsu spoke and keeping the three younger ones in place.
If he were sincere, Osomatsu would tell them that he didn’t want to find a job, that he didn’t want them to find a job either. Although he is selfish, he was afraid. Afraid of being alone, of everyone moving on, leaving him behind. It’s not that he doesn’t want to move on, but he doesn’t feel like he can do anything either. Also, to separate... If he didn’t have his brother, who was he?
But, all those thoughts were left in the back of his mind when he saw how Karamatsu looked at him out of the corner of his eye, forcing himself to return his gaze with a mocking smile, trying to get Karamatsu’s head out of whatever he was thinking about at that moment.
The brothers decided to satisfy Choromatsu, with the excuse of wanting to stop listening to his chatter, when really they had been affected by his emotion.
That afternoon, the six of them put on their only and best suit they had since kids, starting the trip to the employment office. With resume in hand, they entered the office and, full of sweat and anxiety, waited to be called.
As if it were a miracle, all the brothers were called at the same time, each one through a window next to the other.
They wished each other good luck and walked in a row, each sitting where they were called.
Ichimatsu was the first one to take a seat, the questions started, and he quickly admitted that he wasn’t interested, he was just hanging out with the rest of his brothers, earning him a look of confusion that amused him and invited him to continue scoffing.
Todomatsu had the best luck of all. The person who began to interview him would be none other than a beautiful girl of his age. Previously, Todomatsu had planned to get serious about getting a job, but he couldn’t miss the chance to flirt with the girl.
Jyushimatsu sat down. The interviewer opened his mouth to say something, but the boy had already taken out his baseball bat to show that he could be useful in the team he believed he was applying for.
The most diligent, enthusiastic and prepared Choromatsu had taken out his papers to have a good work reference. He was too excited talking about his possible positions in an important job and how capable he was in the work environment that he didn’t notice the annoyance of the person in front of him.
Osomatsu, not that he hasn’t tried, but he really wasn’t interested in getting a job. He answered the questions simply, to finally admit that he was just accompanying the rest of his brothers and get up from his place, without waiting for an answer or reaction from the other side.
He passed behind all the places where his brothers were, listening to the animated conversation of each one, feeling proud and scared at the same time.
Once confirmed that everyone was fine, with a satisfied smile, he began to walk towards the waiting room, when a noise from Karamatsu’s place caught his attention. The interviewer had hit the table with force, making his brother jump in his sit.
He stood still for a moment, looking in his brother’s direction when he heard the man speak:
— Take this seriously!
The tone of his voice was enough for Osomatsu to walk over quickly, locking eyes with the man behind the window.
— Either you say something useful or you won’t get any job!
— What is going on here? — The eldest asked, placing one of his hands on the shoulder of his brother.
— U-uh… I can work as a public employee. — Karamatsu muttered, swallowing hard.
The man stared defiantly at Osomatsu to look down at Karamatsu.
— I don’t think you’re good enough for that.
Osomatsu, without letting go of his brother, banged on the table, causing the man to jump slightly accompanied by a look full of hatred.
— Repeat that.
— Huh? huh?! What’s happening here? Huh?! — Ichimatsu exclaimed, walking with his hands in his pockets at a slow pace, intimidating, behind his brothers’ back.
— We’re leaving, Osomatsu, Karamatsu. — Choromatsu interrupted in a shout, who had already started walking towards the exit with Jyushimatsu holding his arm.
The older one didn’t take his eyes off the man, while he placed his hand under his brother’s armpit, jogging upwards so that he got up from his place.
— Go get Todomatsu, Ichimatsu. — He told him once that Karamatsu was standing and moving him to the left, meaning that he should leave.
The man simply clucked his tongue and looked down, reaching his hand towards the papers lying on the desk. Osomatsu recognized the brilliant ink and extravagant handwriting, bowing quickly and reaching for them first.
He had seen the intent in his eyes. He wasn’t going to let some asshole rip up his brother’s resume.
The man got up from his seat, and if there wasn’t a window in front of them, Osomatsu would have started a fight. But luckily for the man, that didn’t happen.
Karamatsu took his brother by the arm, and they walked together.
Once outside the place, silence flooded them. None got a job.
The heavy atmosphere was quickly lightened as Karamatsu punched Choromatsu’s shoulder and exclaimed; Let’s go drink!
— The first good idea you’ve had in years, shittymatsu. — Ichimatsu said hitting the back of his brother, who had adopted a pose full of pride.
Osomatsu smiled, putting the paper in his pocket.
— Kara-chan invites everyone’s drink! — He added amused, starting to walk, followed by a “Uwoo!” of his brothers.
— Huh!?
They left behind the subject of working after only one attempt, which was unsuccessful. A single interview had been enough for Choromatsu for the moment, who had not touched the subject again.
At least he and his siblings had tried, and that was enough. The truth was that Choromatsu was a little discouraged, but after a night of drinking, all sorrows were gone.
Except for Ichimatsu’s sorrow. He could never approach someone and say, “I’m so sad!". But that was something that he was living with since years. Emotions wasn't his thing, he just closes his mouth, hoping that at some point he would stop feeling awful.
His mood has never changed much for others, always acting without too many emotions so as not to have to explain what he feels, because he didn’t even know what he felt in the first place.
Expressing himself wasn’t his thing either, and that was fine. Until his older brother got in the way.
The day Ichimatsu felt worse, he decided to leave the house to avoid having to see each other’s faces and listen to his brother’s comments. He wasn’t in the mood for his stupidity at the moment, not even when the day was drawing to a close, which should be the moment where he should have the most peace.
So he walked down the street, slowly, watching as the sun set on his back and his feet marked on the sand that welcomed the little park near his house.
Without thinking much, he sat down on one of the benches and looked at the floor.
He didn’t want to think, so he set about counting the grains of sand on the floor. He counted to fifty-six as he realized that what he was doing was too stupid, even for him, and he looked up, looking around.
Ichimatsu noticed that he was alone. It was normal, but more than being alone physically, he felt alone.
That feeling lasted two minutes, which was how long it took Osomatsu to find him.
— Ichimachan! — He yelled into the distance, raising his hand to draw excessive attention.
Ichimatsu wasn’t going to tell him how grateful he was to see him arrive.
— Ichimachan, mom made curry! — He shouted again, walking faster until he positioned himself in front of him.
The younger didn’t look up. He knew that if he looked into his eyes, he would be embarrassed. He had worried him. It hadn’t been his intention to worry him when he left the house without saying anyone, though why would he worry in the first place?
—Ichimatsu? — He asked when he didn’t get an answer.
Osomatsu waited a few seconds, but his little brother showed no sign of wanting to answer. He chose to sit next to him in silence. After all, Ichimatsu was the most difficult to express himself and he should give him more time.
They were silent for a few minutes, each looking at different points and clarifying their thoughts in different ways. Thanks to this, Ichimatsu, overwhelmed but calmer, decided to reply.
— What are you doing here? — He murmured under his breath.
— Mom made curry. — Osomatsu didn’t take long to answer. — And you like curry.
The little brother nodded slightly. He was right; he likes curry. It felt better to know that he had only come for the curry and not because he had cared about him.
He would never admit it out loud, but Ichimatsu didn’t like himself. In fact, he might even go so far as to say that he hated himself. At some point in his life, he realized that he wasn’t worth it.
—Ichimachan, — Osomatsu said, placing his hand on his little brother’s messy hair. — you want to go home?
— Just a little more.
His older brother nodded silently and moved slightly closer to him, gently stroking his hair, patting him from time to time.
Ichimatsu felt like he could cry from how grateful he was. All the hatred he felt towards himself burned him, but his brother’s affection burned stronger. But that heat didn’t hurt at all. Rather, it made him feel full.
He raised his eyes to look at his brother. His eyes seemed lost for a few seconds until he turned to look at his face and smile at him.
Sometimes he wishes he could make him feel the same way.
— We can go now. — He said humbly.
Osomatsu nodded happily, giving his brother’s hair one last flutter.
— I hope they left us curry, Ichimachan! — He threatened, amused, getting up to march towards his home.
Ichimatsu smiled slightly, imitating his brother and following him slowly.
— I doubt it. Those fuckers swallow like they were starving. — He answered, looking at the back of his older brother, listening as he let out a laugh.
He let out a sigh, relieved. The bad thoughts are gone for a while. He felt better, being aware that as much as he hates himself, his older brother loved him twice as much.
Mom’s curry was the best for the Matsuno brothers, but unfortunately, the curry had been too much for the younger matsuno’s stomach.
Todomatsu, the baby of the family, who acted as the most narcissistic and manipulative being that the world could imagine was nothing more than a frightened baby in need of constant attention, everyone knew this, and had to put up with it, even more so his older brothers.
They must take with his stupidities, his complications, and his tantrums that he threw from time to time, for no reason.
The one who had to go through with it the most was Choromatsu, who was the one who accompanied the little boy to the bathroom at night, but that week he had already gone three times, and it was only Thursday. Choromatsu had already warned him that he wouldn’t go with him for a fourth time, no matter how badly he wanted to shit.
Todomatsu knew that his brother was capable of letting him shit the bed, so he had no choice but to turn to another of his older brothers.
Jyushimatsu wouldn’t wake up as would Ichimatsu, who were heavy sleeper, plus Ichimatsu was scary when he was woken up. And Karamatsu was just as scared as him or worse, he couldn’t cross the corridor even with his eyes closed.
So Todomatsu had to turn to Osomatsu.
— Nii-san. — He murmured, touching his brother’s shoulder.
Osomatsu responded with a small sound, implying that he was fast asleep.
Todomatsu felt a little bad for waking him up, but the pain in his belly felt worse.
— Osomatsu-nii-san! — He murmured loudly against his ear, pinching his cheek.
The eldest quickly opened his eyes, more scared than he looked, squeezing the futon that covered him tightly, swallowing hard as he became aware of the darkness that surrounded him.
— Nii-san, I have to go to the bathroom. — Todomatsu said over his head, drawing his attention.
This snapped him out of that startled, drowsy state, blinking repeatedly as he calmed his breathing, spotting his little brother above him.
— Uh, can’t Choromatsu go? — He answered in a raspy voice, honestly he didn’t want to leave the warm futon and have to walk down the dark and cold hallway.
— N..no…
The fact that Todomatsu didn’t give any more explanations, not even a complaint or an annoyed look, was enough to activate his “big brother protocol”.
— Ugh… Okay, let’s go. — He grunted, annoyed as he got out of the big futon, trying to move his other siblings in the slightest.
He walked lazily and opened the door of the room and tried to calm down. The dimness of the corridor did not help him.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he felt his brother’s hands grab his pajamas, he swallowed his fear and began to walk down the hallway.
It’s not that he was actually afraid of the dark, but rather it was the combination of the darkness and the narrowness of the corridor that made him lose his breath, even more so adding that he had just been woken up from a not so pleasant dream.
Walking without knowing where everything was really located within the darkness and without knowing how, they had managed to reach the bathroom door.
— I don’t take long! — Todomatsu lied, releasing his grip on his brother’s clothes.
— You better. — It was the only thing he could say before his brother closed the door in front of his face.
Osomatsu stood there, alone, in the dark. The only source of light was the glow under the door.
He began to wonder why they didn’t just turn on the lights. He remembered being told something about it, but at the moment he couldn’t remember, couldn’t remember anything but the cold, the dark and how small those walls were.
Which was unusual for him. It had been a long time since he had been able to remember anything. Not the sad moments, not the happy ones. He had been living his day to day for the sole purpose of appearing to feel emotions that he didn’t.
But the darkness and the fear that he felt then, and at other times. He remembered it very well.
He swallowed several times, tried to look at some source of light, something that had some dim shape before him, inhaled and exhaled as it had taught him when he was little, but nothing seemed to calm him down.
When, for some reason, he had the marvelous idea of looking down, and he saw his feet, his bare feet on the cold wood.
In the dark of his house, following him.
His stomach began to churn, and the oxygen was beginning to run out.
— Totty? — He knocked gently on the door. — Are you done?
He heard the fuzzy voice behind the door, but he couldn’t really understand what he said, and it began to despair even more.
He was afraid; he was already trembling; he felt again as if he were ten years old.
The weight of his body on his feet was unbearable, his pajamas were too big for him, his clown performance was too big for his weak personality, the responsibility of keeping five more people alive was overwhelming, he couldn’t protect them, they were going to leave him alone.
— Osomatsu-nii-san? — Todomatsu called, strolling out of the bathroom.
Osomatsu didn’t react. He was sitting on the floor, almost hugging his knees.
—Nii-san? — He called again, this time looking at him with concern.
—Todomatsu?
Todomatsu looked up, spotting a sleepy Choromatsu, rubbing one of his eyes, walking down the hall towards them.
His older brother did not respond to the presence of either of them. He seemed to be asleep with his eyes open.
Once Choromatsu was close enough, he managed to notice Osomatsu on the floor and from his face; Todomatsu saw the panic, reaching for the light switch and twisting the hallway light.
— Why didn’t you idiots turn on the lights?! — He exclaimed, annoyed, quickly approaching Osomatsu and crouching in front of him. — Wake up Karamatsu.
The youngest of the brothers, who was disturbed by the panic of his brother, couldn’t do more than nod and obey, running to the room to wake up the second of the eldest.
— Karamatsu-nii-san, wake up. — He said as he jostled his older brother, who slowly opened his eyes.
— What’s happening…? — He growled, placing a hand on his face.
— Osomatsu-nii-
It was not necessary to finish the sentence. Karamatsu had already fully woken up, quickly getting up from his place and walking towards the corridor.
Due to the quick action of his brother, Todomatsu believed that this whole situation had some kind of protocol that had not been mentioned to him and he couldn’t do more than view from the door of the room, worried but not fully understanding what was happening.
Choromatsu and Karamatsu were kneeling in front of Osomatsu. Trying to get his attention, gently touching his shoulder, grabbing his hand and speaking softly to him, asking him to listen to them, that he just try to focus on them.
— Osomatsu, we’re home. — Choromatsu murmured, trying to get him out of wherever his mind was. — There is no one but us.
— We are safe, brother. — Karamatsu muttered, exerting strength in his grip on his hand.
Slowly it seemed that Osomatsu came back to reality, as if his soul had left his body and was trying to re-enter. His brothers asked him to breathe softly and to look into their eyes.
Once it seemed like he was fully back, Osomatsu blinked and let out the big breath he had been holding, looking up, looking at each of his brothers.
They both expected to meet with weepy eyes, but there was nothing but emptiness.
They swallowed hard, one of them holding back a lump in his throat, as they helped the oldest to get up, getting each one to his side and putting his arms around his shoulders, taking him by the waist and carrying him down the hallway. Back to the room.
They walked at a slow pace, seeing Todomatsu’s head hide behind the door of the room, when they heard his older brother say quietly that he was sorry.
None of them answered, because his brother had nothing to feel sorry for.
As they crossed the door of the room, Todomatsu nervously waited to one side, opening the edge of the futon, helping Karamatsu put his older brother to bed.
Todomatsu approached the door next to Choromatsu, watching as Karamatsu cooed softly to Osomatsu, speaking under his breath.
— Choromatsu-nii-san… — The little one muttered. He wanted to ask, but he felt odd and invasive.
His brother seemed to understand, and letting out a sigh, he simply said;
— Osomatsu is afraid of the dark.
Todomatsu gulped hard, feeling the urge to cry take over him.
He felt responsible. Guilty. He knew what it was to be afraid. He was afraid of the dark and it would never cross his mind to accompany one of his brothers, but Osomatsu, who technically fainted from fright, helped him.
Choromatsu lightly patted his younger brother’s back, drawing his attention, giving him a tired smile.
— Go to sleep. — He mumbled, guiding him to the futon, where Karamatsu had already settled down next to Osomatsu, conversing in whispers.
Before turning off the light in the room, Choromatsu made sure that all of his brothers were in bed and comfortable, turning on a small lamp that hadn’t been used in who knows how long.
Choromatsu went to bed tired and slightly upset. He had said that he wouldn’t get up at night to walk his brother to the bathroom, but he ended up doing it anyway. He couldn’t blame him, he thought, turning slightly to his little brother, who could feel him snuggling towards Osomatsu’s back.
Todomatsu, gently grabbing his older brother’s pajamas, promised himself never to ask anyone to accompany him to the bathroom at night again. Trying to face his fears little by little.
And with this in mind, he fell asleep.
After that incident, the brothers had been slightly worried about their older brother, who seemed annoyed by the incessant stares they gave him.
He had said a thousand of times that he didn’t feel bad, that it had been just an awful moment, a moment of weakness, and that it wouldn’t happen again. He was thankful, but it was enough.
Those words were not enough to calm his brothers. The constant attention they were giving him disturbed Osomatsu, who was used to being the one who cared for them, not vice versa. Feeling eyes on him gave him goosebumps, as if they were able to perceive every crack in the false attitude he had been maintaining throughout his life.
So he had started spending more time away from home, at least until his brothers calmed down and stopped treating him like a baby or a dog in a horrendous form that was going to collapse at any moment.
That day he took advantage of using the money he had gotten from pachinko and went to the convenience store to get some beers. Unfortunately, there were no great canned beers that he liked so much, so it forced him to buy the glass bottles. Not that they were bad, after all, they were the same brand, but Osomatsu believed that beers vary in flavor depending on their packaging.
After running out of places to walk, he returned home, only to find out that his parents had gone out to who knows where, and had left homework for each of them.
That day was going from bad to worse for him.
— I can’t believe they keep treating us like children! — Osomatsu exclaimed with indignation, reading the list of homework that had been placed on the refrigerator door.
— Maybe it’s because we act like children, Osomatsu-nii-san. — said Totty, who had stopped to read the list as well.
Osomatsu didn’t reply, taking that comment personally, scratching the back of his neck listlessly.
— Uh, I have to do laundry… — Todomatsu whispered, hiding his discontent from him, looking down at the cellphone in his hand and walking out of the kitchen.
The older snorted angrily. He just wanted to laze around, watch TV and drink his beer. He turned around ready to ignore his task, when Jyushimatsu entered with a grin from ear to ear.
— Why are you so happy, Jyushi? Did you win at pachinko? — He asked cheered, making a gesture with his hand.
— No, I’m not happy. — He admitted, changing his look for a full of seriousness. — I have to do the dinner.
The comment and sudden change in attitude were enough to change Osomatsu’s mood, who began to burst out laughing. He now felt bad for his little brother. Jyushimatsu did nothing but look at him, annoyed, without removing the smile from his face.
— It’s not funny! — He replied, getting infected by the laughter of his older brother, giving him small fists on his stomach to make him stop laughing.
— Alright, alright! — He said, slightly stopping his laughter, taking his brother’s hands to stop his attack. — YAs long as you don't poison us, we're OK.
— That’s not what bothers me… — he murmured, letting a few seconds pass to give suspense. — There are six of us!
Osomatsu thought for a moment, and he was right. Jyushimatsu had the worst task. Washing clothes was just pressing a button, cleaning the bathroom was just one bathroom. His brother had to make dinner for six. It was something unfair.
— You’re lucky. Today I feel kind. — He said, looking down to start rolling up the long sleeves of his brother. — I’ll help you.
— Really!? — The younger shrieked, jumping up and down in his place.
— Sure, don’t worry! — He said with a smile. — I suck at cooking though.
Jyushimatsu quickly ceased his jumping for joy. That sentence was enough to take away any gratitude he felt towards his brother, but still, he smiled amusedly and gave her another little punch, accepting his offer. And they began to work.
In truth, Osomatsu was nothing more than an assistant to Jyushimatsu, giving him the ingredients he needed, rolling up his sleeves whenever he came undone again, and making him laugh from time to time at every clumsy thing he did.
For Osomatsu, Jyushimatsu was one of the easiest brothers to make laugh, and so spending time with him made him relax.
His day hadn’t been so bad after all, he thought.
— Osomatsu-nii-san, open your mouth. — Jyushimatsu said pulling him out of his thoughts and bringing a spoon to his mouth.
The oldest, without hesitation, opened his mouth, tasting the sauce that his brother had put so much care into. He wasn’t going to deny that the taste was not one of the best wonders, but for him it was the best thing in the world, after mom’s food, obviously.
— Jyushiman! — he exclaimed once the sauce had vanished in his mouth. — Is there something you don’t know how to do!?
Jyushimatsu put the spoon aside, smiling, embarrassed by so many compliments. He thanked his brother, who had started patting him on the head.
— Then, dinner is ready. — He said happily, turning around once his brother had stopped patting, and now helping him untie his apron.
— Now it’s my turn to shine. — He claimed, rolling up the sleeves of his sweatshirt and putting on the previous apron he was using.
His brother looked at him amused, fastening the garment tightly on his back.
— I’ll make the dishes so clean that they will break. — Osomatsu exclaimed, opening the faucet, slightly filling the sink and starting to lather.
— Please no. — Jyushimatsu replied, letting out a laugh that infected his brother.
— Oh, by the way! — He said, pointing to the refrigerator with his foot. — I left some beers in the fridge.
A grateful Jyushimatsu quickly opened the door, taking out one of the cold glass bottles and sitting comfortably in one of the chairs in front of the kitchen table.
— Thanks for your job! — He said pleased, opening the bottle and taking a big sip.
— The chef should’t get drunk, slow, boss! — He exclaimed, laughing when he saw how his younger brother choked on the beer.
They both laugh, Jyushimatsu wiping the foam that had accumulated on his lips, when Osomatsu realizes that what he is holding in his hands is shining, and he is able to see himself reflected in it.
On impulse, he lets go of the knife, causing it to fall at his feet and lightly cut his hand. Osomatsu takes a step back and gulps. His head is starting to throb, and the air was escaping from his lungs. His legs give out, and he falls to his knees on the floor.
Jyushimatsu, due to the panic and how quickly he moved, the beer fell to the floor, making the sound echo in his brother’s ears. He knelt beside him, not caring about the spilled beer on his knees, and took his brother by the shoulders.
— Nii-san! Are you okay!? — He shouts, the blood terrifies him, the face of his brother is even more terrifying. — Osomatsu-nii-san!
The eldest blinks once, twice, and begins to react. He couldn’t act like that in front of his little brother. And as if it were a movie, as if they had simply said cut and action, his face changed completely.
— Yes, I’m fine. — He whispered with a trembling voice, but that didn’t stop him from looking up and smiling at his brother.
His hands were sweaty, and his heart was pounding. His little brother took one of his hands, squeezing tightly, and looked at him, inspecting. He wasn’t going to let himself show how bad he felt in front of him.
— Sure? — Jyushimatsu hesitated, getting up slowly as he lightly tugged on his brother to get him up.
Osomatsu put all his weight on his brother, taking a deep breath and trying to calm down, to calm his brother.
— Yes, really. It was just-
He looked down at the ground, the knife at his feet and hot blood spilling onto his left hand. The throbbing sensation of him filled him with nausea, and he closed his mouth abruptly.
— Nii-san, don’t lie. — He stammered, worried and annoyed, holding him tighter.
Jyushimatsu began to look around him, trying to spot a medicine cabinet or something. Even if it was a simple and small Band-Aid, it would work to calm the guilt he felt in his heart. But his older brother lost the strength in his legs again and fell.
— Ah, nii-san! — The younger was about to bend down to pick him up from the cold and wet ground, but Osomatsu began to regurgitate loudly.
This made him even more desperate, backing away, until he heard his slippers creak on the glass and he couldn’t take it anymore.
— Ichimatsu-nii-san! — He shouted, without moving from his place, seeing how his older brother rested his hands on the ground and arched his back for each gagging sound he made.
When Ichimatsu entered the room, it was already too late. The floor was a mixed mess of beer, blood, and vomit.
— What the hell did you cook!? — That was the only thing that came out of Ichimatsu’s mouth when he saw such a scene.
— It wasn't the food, you-! — He exclaimed, annoyed and scared, more than remorseful for the whole situation.
— Look at him!
— Wasn’t me!
Osomatsu listened to his brothers fighting in the background, feeling a little relieved not to be the center of attention, allowing him to calm his breathing and try to ignore the burning in his throat and hand. He closed his eyes, and cleared his throat, trying to get rid of the bitterness that was stuck to the walls of his throat, concentrating on his bile not threatening to rise again.
— What the hell should we do!? — Ichimatsu yelled, not used to having to deal with this kind of situation. He could deal with drunken vomiting, but senseless vomiting with a conscious person was too much to handle.
Due to the shock-filled cries of the brothers, they ended up attracting the attention of the youngest one, who was stunned at the kitchen door.
The situation itself was more than strange to Todomatsu, who would even say that it was somewhat twisted; his older brother lying on the ground, hugging his stomach, bent over as he stares at his own vomit on him. The more he appreciated the scene in detail, the worse it got.
To say that he wasn’t disgusted would be a lie, but he swallowed his own nausea and approached his brother, ignoring the shrieks of the others.
— Nii-san. — He murmured, leaning in next to his brother and placing his hand on his shoulder, ignoring the intense scent.
His brother didn’t react, so he just patted his back.
— Okay, Osomatsu-nii-san, calm down. — He murmured, staring at his brother and trying to listen to his breathing, but… the screams.
— Can you two shut your fucking mouths for a damn minute!? — He yelled, looking at his brothers with anger. — Find some shit to clean up, don’t just stand there looking like an idiot!
Jyushimatsu pursues the orders his little brother gives him, without even hesitating, cutting off the argument and leaving the kitchen to get the cleaning supplies.
Todomatsu turned to his older brother. His eyes were still fixed hard on some point on the ground, and he had put his hand on his own shoulder, searching for his brother’s hand to calm down.
— I’m here. — He said trying to sound as calm as possible, imitating the tone with which he had heard his parents talk when he was in a situation like that.
Osomatsu took a deep breath, more than his lungs could hold at the moment.
— Knife. — He sighed weakly, so softly that if it wasn’t for the closeness, Todomatsu wouldn’t have heard him.
The younger looked down, finding a large kitchen knife hidden under the vomited rubble of his brother, and swallowed hard.
He loved his brother very much, but he wasn’t going to put his hand in there for him.
— Okay, just close your eyes. — Todomatsu said, taking his brother’s hand and cradling it in his. — You can get up?
Ichimatsu was still motionless in his place, looking at the situation with goosebumps. It’s not that he was afraid of his brother’s safety and health, but his emotions. Emotions weren’t something he knew how to deal with, least of all when it came to the person who has never shown any emotion other than stupidity.
This was the moment where he was aware that his brother was not as well as he look, not physically, but emotionally, and that left him cold, scared and confused.
He couldn’t do anything. He didn’t feel right; he felt like an intruder, useless, insensitive; he felt so far away from whatever his brother was going through. As if he were a stranger.
The agitated brother enters the kitchen with a hurried step, letting out a sigh accompanied by a smile when seeing that his brother is already on his feet.
Leaving the mop, cleaner, medicine cabinet and bags aside, he approaches Todomatsu, who was struggling to lift Osomatsu by the armpits to get him onto the table.
— Give me. — He says effortlessly lifting his brother, leaving him sitting on the kitchen table.
— I didn’t want him to cut off his feet, but… — Todomatsu muttered, pointing at Osomatsu’s bare feet.
— Uh, no, I’m fine. — Osomatsu answered, moving his feet slightly, with his eyes still closed tightly.
Both brothers felt his heart skipping a beat, seeing him so helpless when normally it was the other way around.
Jyushimatsu took out a dish towel that they used to dry wet dishes and placed it on his older brother’s lap.
— The vomit is drying up. — Jyushimatsu admits.
Osomatsu slowly opens his eyes, not making eye contact with either of the two in front of him. He takes the towel in his hands and begins to wipe his face.
His breathing was calm again, and the fear was gone, but his hands did not stop shaking from the shame he felt. It was the same feeling, when you’re little and your parents catch you doing something you shouldn’t. Only thet what he shouldn’t do had been self-imposed, and the person who was going to punish him would not be his parents, but his own mind.
He tightened his grip on the towel, gathering courage, and looked up.
— Thank you. — It was the only thing he managed to say with a trembling voice.
Jyushimatsu sat next to him and began to caress his back warmly and with concern, accompanied by a head-to-toe look from Todomatsu, who was still standing in front of him.
— Do you need to throw up more, nii-san? — Todomatsu asked, placing one of his hands on his knee.
Osomatsu lowered his eyes again, concentrating on the touch of his brothers, preventing his brain from refocusing on that turbulent abyss that was taking him to that underground prison, threatening to attack again.
He shook his head, saying no more, slowly starting to clean his now yellowish-stained sweatshirt.
The third brother was still standing in a corner of the room, witnessing the scene as if it were a ghost. He took a deep breath, mentally struggling with himself. Thinking that he should help his brother, as he always did with him, but he also thought that he never asked him, so he doesn’t owe him anything...
He lightly banged his head against the wall behind him, calling himself a coward and useless, picking up the mop Jyushimatsu had left hesitantly.
— Ichima-chan, don’t do that. — Osomatsu said, who had raised his head and stopped his embarrassment just to see his brother. — I’ll clean, sorry.
Those words were enough to end the little calm and sanity that his brothers had left, who looked at him in disbelief.
— Don’t be so considerate! — Todomatsu yelled. — That is scary!
— Didn't you hit your head too hard, Osomatsu-nii-san? — Jyushimatsu added.
Ichimatsu blinked a few times. Even after throwing up, bleeding and acting like a complete baby, he was worrying about other things. Like him.
Realizing this, he gripped the mop tighter, resolute.
— It’s just vomit, you shitty crybaby! — He said, walking towards the puddle. — Do you think I can’t handle this!?
The oldest could do nothing but look at him, gratified, letting out a light laugh.
— Be careful with the glass, Ichima- — Osomatsu said as he looked down, pointing to the glass scattered on the ground, but the hands of his little brother quickly covered his eyes.
Todomatsu wasn’t going to let him see that knife again, he had already begun to notice certain things that seemed to unbalance his brother to the point of leaving him like a newborn baby, a very sick one, who lacked months of… Todomatsu shook his head.
Jyushimatsu looked at him confused and curious, to which the youngest just gave him his best “I’ll explain later” face.
— Oh, right! — Jyshimatsu exclaimed, approaching the counter where he had left the kit.
The minor took the moment to remove his hand from the eyes of his brother, who was looking at him confused and with bright eyes that Todomatsu could swear were full of fear.
— Just don’t look down, Osomatsu-nii-san. — He explained.
With a smile, Jyushimatsu put the first aid-kit aside, taking out small band-aids and a bottle of alcohol, positioning them next to Osomatsu, while taking a seat in front of him.
— I’m sure wounds should be cleaned with water… — the little one uttered, imitating him and sitting in a chair.
— Huh? — Jyushimatsu ask, who had already opened the bottle and began to pour it over his brother’s hand.
Osomatsu let out a cry of pain, closing his eyes tightly as he pouted.
— You didn't cry when you cut your hand, throw up on the floor and step on glass, but you do when we put a band-aid on you? — Ichimatsu said, looking at him entertained.
— What a baby you are… — added Todomatsu.
Osomatsu opened his eyes and frowned, enduring the heat that ran through his hand.
— This is pure pain, idiots, nothing compares alcohol on wounds. — Osomatsu said, excusing himself.
The brothers simply rolled their eyes as Jyushimatsu put the bottle aside and began to blow on the wound.
Osomatsu watches him do his work, his heart tight with guilt and full of love.
— Sorry. — Jyushimatsu let out, placing the band-aid on his brother’s hand once the alcohol had dried.
The oldest blinked, unable to understand why he was apologizing.
— You didn’t do anything, Jyushi. — He replied with a smile, trying to calm everyone present. — I should apologize.
The minor raises his head quickly, looking at him with wide eyes of surprise and confusion.
— And why do you apologize, idiot?
— For throwing up on the floor.
Jyushimatsu raised his hand and gently hit his brother’s head, frowning.
— How do you apologize for that!? That is something that you can’t control! — He exclaimed loudly.
— Ouch, ouch, do not hit a wounded person!
Todomatsu couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, finally feeling more relaxed and getting ready to check the wounds on his brother’s feet, which he knew he was hiding.
After a few minutes, footsteps and the sounds of bags approaching the kitchen door can be heard, revealing the second of the brothers, looking at the scene with his mouth open.
— What happened here? — He managed to pronounce, taking off his sunglasses to verify if what he was seeing was real.
Ichimatsu looks at him with a mocking smile.
— I think it’s better if we eat instant noodles. — He said, pointing to the floor. — The food could be poisoned.
Osomatsu laughed out loud at the sight of Jyushimatsu’s frown, gently stroking his head.
— There’s nothing wrong with the food. — Todomatsu affirmed to his older brother, amused.
Karamatsu looks his older brother up and down, looking at the bandages on his hand and feet, the nervous smile on his face, the glass that had been swept up and piled in one corner of the room, the trail of vomit on the floor that Ichimatsu was leading with his mop. And he saw it, the culprit, the kitchen knife.
He let out a sigh too loud for his liking, relaxing his shoulders and approaching the table where his brothers were, leaving the shopping bag on the table and ready to take care of his older brother.
He looked at Todomatsu, who was looking at him with eyes that showed he knew more than he was letting know, and with a smile, he ruffled his hair tenderly.
Osomatsu had been having too many panic attacks lately, and Karamatsu knew it was only a matter of time before the younger ones started asking questions. That filled him with hope, hope that his older brother would be able to let out everything he carried inside him and return to smile as he did when he was just a child.
That his brothers were able to resolve a situation like that by themselves meant that he could trust them.
And that when Osomatsu is finally able to open up, they will be there to help him.