Tapestry

by Rainboq

Summary:

Pushed past her limits, Max makes one last desperate gamble to save Chloe.

Chapter 1: Time Itself

Glittering, gossamer threads stretch out before her, spiraling off in a dizzying number of different directions. Each a possibility yet to be, stretching out from the loom that is the now. Each thread a life, each strand a what if, sheared off as the loom weaves ever onwards.

This is probably supposed to drive anyone mad. Max supposes she probably already is, and has been for some time. How broken must she be to have smashed her way into this impossible space out of sheer desperation?

Her sanity should be obliterated by the near infinite possibilities of billions of lives being weaved relentlessly together.

But she isn’t here for the billions.

She’s here for one of them.

It doesn’t take long to find, her own thread calls to her, and weaved so tightly with it is Chloe’s.

She follows their weave until they separate, and then she follows Chloe’s, wincing as her finger brushes the strand and a surge of sensations and memories that aren’t hers flood her mind. Loss. Grief. Depression. David’s words, then his hand. Joyce’s absence and disbelief. The pawing hands of boys using her pain for their benefit. So many of the things Chloe never told her about in their brief time together. All the times she hurt herself, all the attempts to stop the pain through the most final method possible.

She wants to rip the tapestry apart right there, reweave their lives together and spare her all of it.

But she knows better than that. The weave is tighter and stronger the further back she goes, changing things would be a huge, unpredictable mess. And that’s if she even has the strength for it.

She follows the strand further, the blossoming of young love finally reciprocated floods her chest as Rachel’s thread wraps tight against Chloe’s. But it’s not like Max’s, where their threads were always wrapped so tightly around only each other. Rachel’s zigs and zags, looping in, then cutting out other people. Frank, Nathan, Jefferson, Victoria. The Vortex Club and the nerds, the adults and her peers.

Then her thread stops abruptly and tragically short. A life of hopes and promises fueled by desperate energy, snuffed out before it could really begin.

Max looks ahead on Chloe’s thread, and she can see so, so many places it stops out in the strands waiting to be woven together. So many of them stop just before the loom, each one she can imagine is that same, stupid bathroom. Then there are the other deaths. She can’t help herself; she drifts forwards and follows them, despite how her mind screams at her not to.

Chloe not able to take it and swallowing too many pills. Getting hooked on harder stuff than she’s used to and going too deep too fast. Just being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

So many of them stop so short.

She knows they all end anyway. There is no forever, not really. Chloe always ends. Usually way, way before Max’s thread ends. If it ends. It stretches so far forward that she can’t even see. She doesn’t want to know where it goes, and that’s not her problem right now.

She goes back to the moment, just before the weaving is. Three threads coming together.

Max.

Chloe.

Nathan.

In that fucking bathroom.

She can see a thread, a big fat one. Less a thread and more the absence of so, so many shorn short in its wake, stemming from that stupid bathroom. That’s why she’s here, staring time in the face and trying to find an answer. She isn’t sure how she can perceive all the possibilities stemming from it, and blood trickles down her nose the moment she really tries to comprehend it.

All she can do is work with what she has.

She starts plucking at strings, looking for ways it can go that don’t get Chloe and the Bay killed.

She can take the bullet instead. So many possibilities spiral out from it. Chloe ending up with Victoria, Chloe ending up with Kate. Both. Neither. Chloe ending herself shortly after Max is buried. Chloe drifting around until her end finds her. Chloe finding someone worth sticking around for in another high school friend Max never met.

If she goes back a little bit into the tapestry, she can tamper with Nathan’s gun, make it too light or too heavy so the bullet doesn’t hit her where it kills her outright. She follows those strands. Crushing medical debt, potentially offset by lawsuits and local charity, but not always. The bullet hitting her spine and paralyzing her, the bullet causing permanent, debilitating tissue damage. Chronic pain, opioids, addiction, overdose.

If she turns the safety on?

Storm.

Is it really worth it? Is her tiny sliver of time she’ll ever get with Chloe really worth this? No matter what she does, Chloe will always die. Someday, somehow, Max won’t be able to save her.

Yes. Yes, she will.

Max might not be able to do it alone, but what if she wasn’t alone?

Max grabs the strands she wants and pulls with all her waning might.

Something tears.

 

Notes:

Just something I found in my docs folder that I wrote back in 2021 and polished up to share. I might turn it into the prequel to a longer series some day, but I don't have the energy or drive for that right now with so many other projects competing for my attention. Hope you like it!

Chapter 2: Back to Reality

Reality lurches.

Max’s stomach follows it as the cosmic infinite tears away.

The first sense that comes back to her is touch. The familiar sensation of skinny jeans hugging her hips, thighs, and calves, the band of her bra snug against her chest, and the comforting embrace of her hoodie. There’s the warmth of a body next to her, the bumping and jolting of a moving vehicle, and the comforting shape of her old camera in her hands.

Her hearing comes next. Scratchy, discordant punk music mixes with the roar of an old engine and the laughter of two women. One is familiar to her, loud almost to the point of harshness, but happy and excited. Her heart squeezes. Chloe… She’s okay. The other is breathy and bright with a sense of carefree ease to it. Is that… Rachel?

The familiar scents of Chloe: tobacco, weed, and alcohol, mixed with a hint of something floral greets her nose, along with a tasteful smell of jasmine with a gentle citrus undertone.

Finally sight returns, her vision snapping into place with the familiar sight of Chloe’s truck cruising down the coast road. Chloe’s got one arm hanging out the window as she laughs at some joke Max hasn’t heard, with the biggest smile she’s seen since they were kids on her face. Next to her is the face of the ghost herself: Rachel laughs along with Chloe, her hazel eyes twinkling with mirth.

I did it. I saved them both. Max is barely conscious of her camera coming up, only really registering it once the viewfinder is in front of her eye as she lines up Chloe and Rachel’s faces with each third. Chloe’s struggling to keep her eyes on the road with how hard she’s laughing, and Rachel’s cheeks have little half moon dimples in them as she laughs so hard she’s starting to snort.

The familiar click and whir of her old polaroid is music to her ears as she captures the moment, weary satisfaction settling in her chest. How many times had she tried to redo that week only to smash through the barriers of that last photo-jump into Jefferson’s class?

Too many.

Chloe slaps the steering wheel, shaking her head. “Shutterbug!”

“I hope you got my good side.” Rachel winks at Max as she turns to face her.

“You have a bad side?” Max’s voice comes out at just above a whisper as Rachel looks at her full on, the face from that ever present poster suddenly full of life and animation. It’s hard to believe that she was ever in a timeline where both of them were dead. She plucks the photograph free and puts it on the dashboard.

“Fla—” Rachel’s dimples vanish as her cat-like hazel eyes go wide. “Max, your nose.”

Max blinks a few times, reaching a hand up to touch below her nose, her fingers coming away soaked in blood.

“Chloe, pull over!” Rachel shouts as the camera falls from Max’s hands and onto her lap. “Holy shit, are you okay?”

“I’m…” Max winces as pain lances through her brain, her hands won’t obey her commands as they shake. “Does anyone smell burning?”

The truck lurches to the side as Chloe swings off the road. “What’s happening?”

“I don’t fucking know!”

Rachel’s panicking. Why is Rachel panicking? Max’s thoughts are sluggish and numb as she stares at the beauty mark on Chloe’s right cheek, her vision darkening around the edges. When did she get so pretty?

“Max!” Chloe screams as she slams on the brakes, catapulting Max’s upper body forward, her waist caught by the seat belt strapped across her.

The world goes dark.

---

 

Rachel’s heart is tied up in knots as she sits in the stiff plastic of the chair in the hallway of the hospital. Chloe marches back and forth in front of her, the heels of her cowboy boots clacking against the linoleum tile with each step, her white tank top soaked through with the blood that had been pouring out of Max’s nose when she’d carried her limp form from the truck to the emergency room.

How anyone as thin and bony as Max could have that much blood in them is hella surreal. She doesn’t even want to think about what it’s going to take to clean out the truck.

Her own pants are covered in blood stains just from her proximity and trying to keep her upright while Chloe had just about stomped the accelerator through the floor.

It had all been going so well. She’d finally been allowing herself to relax around Max. Not that it was easy to keep her defenses up with a girl who was the human equivalent of a terrified terrier who knows they did something wrong. Chloe had been making a point of spending time with both of them instead of losing her mind that her old best friend was back. They’d even been having fun together as Max’s wit had started to show itself, and Rachel found herself actually getting charmed by the little wallflower who represented the only real threat to her… complicated situation with Chloe.

And then out of nowhere she’d just had a massive seizure or whatever the fuck that was.

“She was still breathing,” Chloe mutters to herself as she hugs herself with one hand and chews on the thumb nail of the other. “She was still breathing.”

Rachel finds herself mirroring the motion, hugging herself tight. If Max really had… No, she wasn’t going to think about that. Whatever it was, Max is going to be in for a long road to recovery, and knowing Chloe she’s already blaming herself.

I need to distract her, give her something to do. “Any luck with Max’s parents?”

“Huh? Oh. Yeah. The hospital is on that.” Chloe’s voice is far away, and she doesn’t even look at Rachel.

“When was the last time you ate?”

“Dunno, breakfast?” Chloe shrugs as she turns and paces back the other way.

“Do you know what time it is?”

“Like… 1?”

“Chloe, it’s 5. You should eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.”

Massaging her temples, Rachel takes a deep breath. “I am, maybe you can get food for both of us? There are vending machines down the hall.”

That gets Chloe to at least look at her; the deep blue eyes that Rachel has spent the past few years getting lost in might as well be on another planet. “I… Yeah, okay.”

“You know what I like. Do you have cash?”

“I’ve, uh,” Chloe reaches into her jacket and pulls out a few crumpled singles, “Guess so.”

“Make sure you get something for yourself,” Rachel adds softly as Chloe starts off toward the vending machines.

Chloe doesn’t acknowledge her, so Rachel digs her phone out of her backpack and unlocks the screen. There’s the usual raft of bullshit messages about parties around town, Vortex stuff, and a few pathetically desperate texts from Frank that are weeks old. Nothing she can use to actually distract herself. Sure, she could probably tell some people about what’s happened, they’re going to start noticing she’s missing soon, but Max staying out late hanging with Chloe isn’t exactly new either.

Besides, this isn’t exactly hers to tell, as hot as the gossip would be. Especially since Max might…

Her knuckles tighten around her phone as she violently shoves that thought aside. That is not happening. Once Max wakes up she’s going to be back to her shutter-happy self in no time. Maybe just without using a flash.

She opens up her phone’s browser for the dozenth time, scrolling back through all the pages she’d found on epilepsy trying to find something she might have missed. She’d definitely had a seizure, but there’s nothing in any of this about nose bleeds of apocalyptic proportions.

Anything else is too terrifying to contemplate.

It has to have been some kind of epileptic seizure, it just has to be.

“These were the spiciest chips they had.” Chloe’s voice punctures her rapidly building spiral as she waves a tiny bag of chips in front of her face. It’s hardly her favorite flavor, but beggars can’t be choosers.

“Thanks.” Rachel plucks the bag out of Chloe’s fingers and tears it open. The salty tanginess helps a little bit, but she’s honestly starving. “Any word?”

Chloe purses her lips and digs out her phone. “I got a text from Max’s dad a few hours ago. Says they’re driving down right now.”

“From Seattle? That’s a 7 hour drive, right?”

“Something like that.”

“Any news about Max?”

Chloe shakes her head, putting her phone away. “No, and it’s not like they’re going to tell us shit anyways.”

Closing her eyes, Rachel rubs the bridge of her nose and sighs. “Guess we’ll just have to wait.”

---

 

It’s dark out by the time Chloe’s craving for a smoke breaks through the bullshit in her brain. All she can see as she walks through the hospital corridors is the pale, expressionless face of Max as she carried her inside, blood gushing from her nose.

She’d been breathing though.

She’d had a pulse.

Right?

Chloe screws up her face as she tries to remember it clearly. She’d been so panicked, they both had, and then Chloe had fucked up and slammed on the brakes too hard. It’d been such a fucking good day too, and then Max just… sprung a leak. 

Tears bead in the corners of Chloe’s eyes as she steps out into the chilly October air and fishes out her crumpled pack of smokes. She’d just gotten Max back a few weeks ago, and now…

She was still breathing.

Her hand trembles as she sits down on the top of a picnic table, her feet resting on the seat as she pulls out a cigarette. She tries to remember if Max’s head actually hit the dashboard or not. There’d been a thump, but if it was from Max’s head or her camera she isn’t sure, what she is sure of is that Rachel had started screaming immediately, yelling at her to go to a hospital. Pulling over at all had been a mistake, it had cost them precious time when every second counted. And if Max’s head had hit…

She holds the cigarette in her hands as she rocks back and forth, the tears flowing down her cheeks as a sob tears itself from her lungs. Max’s letter in August had been the highlight to her summer of shit, even if it had thrown another wrench into the clusterfuck with Rachel, but now?

She was still breathing.

Just another thing Chloe’s fucked up and turned to shit.

She can’t get over how light Max had been as she’d pulled her out of the seat and off of Rachel, holding her bloody face against her chest as she’d ran for the hospital doors. The nurses and doctors had sprung into action, shouting things to each other and calling for some kind of cart.

They had to be doing that if there was a chance, right?

Even when they’d been kids, Max had never looked or felt so fragile. Maybe that’s because she’d been a kid herself back then, but Max had never done anything like this back then. Had she started having seizures in Seattle? Why wouldn’t she have said something? Maybe she didn’t want to freak her out, or risk them slowing things down for her?

She finally pulls out her lighter and cups the flame with her shaking hands. Sweet, tarry smoke fills her lungs at last, taking just a little bit of the edge off. It’s not much, and she still hasn’t eaten the shitty little brownies she bought from the vending machine, but hey, it’s something.

Out in the parking lot, an engine roars and a familiar battered station wagon barrels into a parking spot. Doors swing open and slam closed, and the familiar forms of Max’s parents take off running for the hospital entrance.

Same old car, huh? Chloe grimaces as she takes a drag, her mind and body unwilling to follow them into the hospital. She can bother them after they learn what’s going on with their daughter. They probably won’t even recognize her anyways. She can tell what happened later, after she’s had a smoke or three.

Her phone buzzes in her jacket pocket, and she pulls it out.

It’s from Kate, of all people.

[Katertot | 8:04pm]

Hey Chloe! Just reaching out because Max isn’t answering her phone and we were planning on studying together tonight. I’m guessing that you two are out having another adventure, so let me know if we should reschedule or if she’s on her way back.

Chloe rubs her temples, her cigarette held limply between her lips. Shit.

[Chloe | 8:05pm]

hey

max is in the hospital

she had some crazy seizure or something

dunno how she’s doing but its bad

please keep it to yourself for now

k?

i’ll let you know when i hear anything

She puts her phone back in her pocket, letting it buzz as she puffs her way through one cigarette after another until her craving is sated and her stomach bugs her a little less.

Alright, time to get this the fuck over with.

Notes:

Oops I turned a oneshot into a multichapter again. Just gonna update this as I feel like it, I hope you enjoy.

And for anyone reading this on a text-to-spech device, let me know if there's any way for me to improve my formatting to help you!

Chapter 3: The New Normal

The world is made out of cotton balls and yarn. Everything is fuzzy and distant, yet with a texture that makes Max’s skin crawl as she floats along on the void.

Am I alive? After doing what she’s done, is death even that meaningful to her anymore? She hasn’t seen a death like this in all the threads, but who knows how time has reknit itself and which possibilities have become reality.

At least she knows that it worked. Chloe’s alive, she’s got Rachel, and they’re happy. Does Chloe even need her anymore?

Jealousy sparks, but it’s hazy and distant, like a fire seen on a distant shore. She hadn’t saved Chloe just to lose her again, and it’s not like she hadn’t been in the truck with both of them. Maybe Rachel and Chloe are dating but making time to hang out with her? Why are they even in Arcadia Bay, anyways? Why aren’t they in LA?

A sound reaches her, a steady robotic beeping that sounds like it’s underwater. Okay, so I’m not dead. Why would it be that easy?

She fights through the fuzziness to head toward the sound. Her skin registers the sensation of light, scratchy blankets on top of her. The beeping gains clarity, the harsh electronic sound sharpening. She can feel her chest rising and falling, and her hands start moving around on top of the covers, feeling the slightly rough texture of linens. She opens her eyes, feeling her eyelids part.

She doesn’t see anything, only hazy impressions of light and shadow.

She blinks a few times, trying to clear her eyes.

Nothing changes.

She can’t feel anything on her face, why can’t she see?

The beeping speeds up, growing louder. Her hands fumble around, trying to feel out where she is. It’s definitely some kind of bed, probably a hospital.

Did they have an accident?

“Chloe!” she shouts, leaning up, her hands scrambling around to find something she can use. She needs to find her, she needs to know if she’s okay.

“Max!” Chloe’s familiar voice is music to her ears. Rough, familiar hands grab her hand and arm, and Max falls back into the bed, reaching over with her other arm to grasp Chloe’s hand. “Holy shit, you’re awake!”

She’s okay, she’s safe. “What happened?” Her voice sounds weak, her throat is crazy dry.

Chloe’s hands squeeze her arm and hand, and she squeezes back. “I dunno, dude, you tell me. One second you had us laughing our asses off, and the next you were having some kind of seizure.”

“A seizure?” I guess staring into time was bound to mess something up.

“Yeah, it was pretty scary, and you were bleeding from your nose like crazy.”

“Oh, I must have made a giant mess.”

“Don’t sweat it, I’ll clean it out eventually. Don’t move around too much, you’ve got tubes and shit going into your arm.”

Max furrows her brow as she squeezes Chloe’s hand a little tighter. “Chloe, why can’t I see?”

Chloe goes quiet for a few seconds, her hands squeezing back to the point it’s almost painful. “They haven’t told me, but your eyes are all hella cloudy. It’s like you’ve got cataracts or something.”

Max blinks a few times, trying to make sense of the dark haze that is her vision. Nothing conforms to a recognizable shape. She pulls one hand off of Chloe’s, reaching up to touch her face. “So I’m blind?”

Okay, looking at time did a lot more than make me have a seizure. She should probably be a lot more freaked out about this, but it’s kind of poetic, in a really fucked up way. The last thing she got to see was Chloe and Rachel being happy. I guess I’ll never be able to look at the picture I took. Or be able to take pictures again. Her throat tightens and starts to burn as she squeezes Chloe’s hand. I’ll never see her face again. Or Kate’s. I only got to see Rachel’s once.

I might never get to see anything again!

“Shhh, hey, I don’t know the details, so maybe the doctors can do something to help.” Chloe’s hand leaves her arm and Max feels the back of her hand brushing over her cheeks and wiping away a dampness she wasn’t even aware was there. “Listen, I’ll be right back, your parents are out grabbing dinner, I gotta let people know you’re awake and then I’ll be right back, I promise,” Chloe’s hands linger for long moments before slowly slipping away.

“How long was I out?”

A chair shifts, metal scraping against linoleum. “Almost three days. They moved you to Portland so they could do brain scans.”

She can hear the heels of Chloe’s boots clacking against the floor and a door opening and closing. Three days? I guess I should consider myself lucky it wasn’t longer.

“Is there anyone else here?”

Silence is her answer, and she lets her tears flow as she grabs fistfuls of the bed linens.  What am I going to do now? Photography was the only thing I was any good at… I’m going to have to argue with my parents to stay at Blackwell, aren’t I? Am I even 18 anymore, or am I back in September?

The door opens again, its hinges creaking slightly as multiple pairs of shoes make their way into the room, none of which are the thunking of the block heels on Chloe’s cowboy boots. “Hello?”

“Hello Max, I’m Dr Willow, I’m sure you’ve got a lot of questions, and I’ve got a lot for you. Can you tell me how you’re feeling right now?”

---

Chloe’s stomach growls at her while she waits in the hospital hallway, watching the steady stream of nurses and doctors going in and out of Max’s room. She’s not really sure what they’re all going in there to do, one doctor could probably poke and prod at her all they want to, but none of them so much as acknowledge her existence. Max’s dad at least nodded to her, which is better than the screaming and shouting she’d gotten from Max’s mom.

“Here, eat something.” A foil-wrapped fast food burger is thrust in her face, and Chloe looks up to see Rachel standing there, looking as tired as she feels.

“Thanks.” Taking the burger, she unwraps half of it before taking a huge bite.

Rachel takes her own seat next to Chloe before resting her head on Chloe’s shoulder. “How’s she holding up?”

“I haven’t seen her since,” Chloe says once she’s finished chewing, “But she was weirdly calm about it. I kept expecting her to start screaming or something, but she just kind of started crying and holding my hand.”

“Shock makes you do weird things.”

“Yeah, what really sucked was that I didn’t have any answers to give her, y’know? She looked so lost and scared, and all I could do was run for a doctor.”

Rachel’s delicate hands rub over her hand and tattoo as she presses more of her body weight into Chloe. “I know, but I’m sure having you there at all made a world of difference. Can you imagine if she’d woken up alone?”

A shiver runs through Chloe as she wolfs down another bite of burger. “I don’t want to even think about that. She would’ve hella freaked.”

Rachel goes quiet as Chloe takes big bites out of her burger, sucking it down as quickly as possible so she isn’t tied up whenever the doctors finish poking and prodding at Max.

“You’re trembling.” Rachel says softly, brushing the back of her hand against Chloe’s forearm.

“Have I ever stopped?”

“No,” Rachel’s lips press into Chloe’s bicep as she slips an arm around her back. It’s probably the most romantic thing they’ve done together in a while, and fuck if it isn’t weird for it to be happening right now. “You’re scared for her, I’d be more worried if you stopped.”

“And you’re not scared?”

“Of course I am, but I’ve only actually known her for a month. Getting to know her through you doesn’t really count.”

Chloe sighs and loops an arm around Rachel’s shoulders before kissing the top of her head. “She’ll get through this.” She’s not really sure who she’s saying that for, and the words feel totally hollow. Being a photographer was always what Max loved, that’s why she’s at Blackwell at all, but without her vision? Her heart aches just thinking about what Max has to be going through right now, and she’s fucking pissed that she can’t be in that room helping her through it all. Who knows, maybe if she hadn’t slammed on the brakes so hard, none of it would have happened.

“I got you some fries too, you should eat them before they get cold.” Rachel holds up a little cardboard sleeve full of the golden crispy potato strips.

“Thanks, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“That makes two of us.”

---

It’s strange to be holding Chloe while she sleeps again, like nothing shitty happened and everything is as fine. Or as fine as it can be with Max being back in town and their plans to run away together a smoldering pile of ashes. She shifts in the stiff plastic chair, holding Chloe’s head still in her lap as she repositions.

It’s been hours since Max woke up, and they’ve had no word. Occasionally a doctor or nurse comes and goes, and she can hear what sounds like Max’s voice on the edge of her hearing, but what she’s saying is an indistinct mess. Sometimes it sounds like she’s crying, or hella pissed, but mostly it’s just neutral.

She kind of misses when Kate was waiting in the hall with them, desperate to get a chance to see Max herself, but she was just as stuck as them, and Dana could only hang around for so long. Of all the faces from Blackwell, little Ms. Marsh has been the most constant, especially back at the Tillamook hospital. Getting out to Portland is proving to be tougher for her, but she’s roped Warren and the tall cheerleader into helping her come visit. Her honey-colored bun has definitely been a welcome sight, especially since she usually has some freshly baked goods for them and the hospital staff. Warren was clearly too scared of her and Chloe to want to hang around, and Dana’s busy.

Who knows, give Kate another week and maybe she’ll have talked Victoria into giving her a ride through sheer force of guilt and puppy dog eyes. Bunny rabbit eyes? Nah, she’s met Alice and she’s a judgy little shit.

Chloe grumbles, shifting slightly on the hella uncomfortable chairs. At some point she’s going to have to drag her out of the hospital and back to their cheap hotel. The last thing any of them needs is a Chloe who has showered even less than normal.

When had their life gotten so fucking complicated? It had all seemed so simple just a few years ago. They were going to run away together from the dumping ground labeled Arcadia Bay, back to the city of angels. In the process, she’d burned all the bridges she’d had left to torch with her parents after that had lead to her getting shipped off to a boarding school in the first place, and ended up in the advanced senior program because it turns out that rent in a place like LA is insanely expensive and Chloe working a bullshit minimum wage job for a few months was nowhere near the savings needed to pay for first, last, and fucking application fees.

It was supposed to be a temporary fix so they could run away next summer with pockets full of cash and never look back. But she’d fucked up most of that by making her big mistake with Frank to try and get cash quickly just to be safe, and then a certain Max shaped wrench had smashed whatever chance of an easy reconciliation was left. Chloe insists that she’s just happy to have her friend back and that there’s nothing going on, but Rachel’s not at all sure who she’s trying to fool. She sees the way those two look at each other.

Maybe I should count myself lucky that they didn’t bail on me and just run off together. It’s not like I deserve either of them in my life.

And yet Chloe insists on not totally cutting her out, and Max is just too fucking nice . Maybe Max doesn’t think she could compete with Rachel for Chloe if push came to shove, and if that’s the case then Rachel should be thanking all the dead stars above that Max is so totally clueless about what she’s capable of.

Or was capable of. Chloe said she was cogent and calm, but who knows what the extent of any brain damage might be? She’s at Blackwell on a scholarship for the photography program, so what happens to that now that she can’t see? Are her parents going to pull her out of school, or is she going to find some way to stay in a school that hates disabled people so much that there aren’t even ramps?

Even just a couple weeks ago, the idea of Max leaving wouldn’t have been totally unwelcome. But not only would losing her all over again totally destroy Chloe, Rachel’s gone and started actually getting attached to her. The door swings open and a doctor strides out to hold the door, before Max comes out in a wheelchair, her dad pushing her along.

She grabs Chloe’s shoulder and shakes her. “Chloe, wake up, they’re moving her.”

Rachel has to jerk her head back to keep Chloe from slamming into her jaw from how quickly she bolts upright. “Wha? What’s going on?”

Max’s head jerks in the direction of their voices and she stares down the hall at them with her clouded eyes. There’s something about the way that she’s still trying to look at them sends a crawling sensation up Rachel’s spine that she doesn’t want to think about.

“I’m getting an MRI,” Max croaks at them, her voice hoarse, no doubt from the hours of talking.

“I’m coming.” Chloe starts getting up out of the chair, only for a nurse to step in front of her.

“The waiting room is family only. You’re going to have to wait here.”

Rachel grabs Chloe’s wrist the moment she sees her rough fingers balling up into fists. “Chloe, sit down, it’s just an MRI.”

“I’ll be okay!” Max calls back with her scratchy throat as Rachel pulls Chloe down into the chair.

“I’m sorry, I just…”

“Shhhhh,” Rachel pats Chloe’s arm and tugs her close to her, “She’ll probably be exhausted when she gets back. We should go shower and get some sleep.”

“I’m not leaving.” Chloe insists, her voice dead tired.

 Max’s mom steps out into the hall and her eyes lock onto them. Fuck, not again. She gives Chloe’s arm a hard squeeze before whispering to her. “Let me handle this so we don’t get banned,” Chloe doesn’t look happy, but she nods, and Rachel flicks her hair over her shoulder before turning her attention to Vanessa, “Hello, Mrs. Caulfield.”

Vanessa stares at them with thin lips, and with her arms crossed. “You’re sure her head didn’t hit anything?”

“Yes, Mrs. Caulfield. I was there, I caught her and got covered in her blood making sure she didn’t. Max’s head didn’t come into contact with anything and she was having her seizure before Chloe even stopped the truck.”

She can feel Chloe’s tenseness under her hand without even looking at her. She’d never heard about how Chloe got along with Max’s parents, but judging by how Vanessa acts like Chloe is a piece of dog shit on her favorite shoe every time they talk, it was never well. At least she’s behaving this time, we don’t need another shouting match. “And you never gave her any drugs?”

“We’re not the bad guys from a DARE PSA. We never gave Max anything, and she wouldn’t have accepted anything we offered.”

“Yeah, she says that beer’s way too gross for her,” Chloe chuckles as Vanessa’s face tightens, her mouth puckering.

God dammit Chloe.

“Well, it had to be something. Maxine doesn’t have epilepsy.”

Rachel fights the urge to start rubbing her temples. For someone who seems to consider herself close to her daughter, she’s so fucking clueless. “ Max had a nosebleed out of nowhere within like twenty minutes of us hanging out, that’s all we know. We were trying to pull over to take care of her when she started seizing and we got her to the hospital as fast as possible. The story isn’t going to suddenly change if you ask us five or five hundred times.”

Watching the bitch bristle is its own reward, even if it might jeopardize their chances of seeing Max in the near future. “You don’t have to be so rude.”

“I’m sorry, Mrs. Caulfield, it’s been a long week for all of us. We were just about to head back to our hotel to make sure we’re well rested to see Max tomorrow.”

“If Maxine wants any visitors.”

It’s a hollow threat, and a bad one. Vanessa couldn’t keep Chloe out if she tried, and Max would probably have a lot to say about it. “I’m sure she could use all the moral support she can get for her recovery.”

“Yes, well…” Vanessa’s eyes look away, her shoulders hunching forward as she chews on her lip. “Let’s hope it’s a full recovery.”

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”

Vanessa turns away from them and starts walking down the hall toward where Max and her dad had been following the doctor.

“Come on, Chloe, let’s go get some rest.”

---

The cheap mattress feels like a slab of concrete under Chloe as she stares blankly into space, the running shower and the flickering pixels of the TV are just meaningless noise. Her mind keeps replaying the whole thing over and over. Max had been fine, she’d been cracking jokes, opening up a little with Rachel after a lot of encouragement, and it’d been working . Everything Chloe had wished for before the whole Frank thing was coming true, and for a few seconds she’d been able to forget about the past and relax.

Then…

There hadn’t been any oncoming traffic, they hadn’t been driving into the sun, Max had slept fine, she wasn’t on any medication to start with. Rachel had gone over every single epilepsy trigger she could find, and nothing. Not one. Unless Max had suddenly gotten very good at lying, she’d never had a seizure before in her life. And the comment about burning? Had she had a stroke?

Since when does a stroke cause cataracts?

And then when she’d slammed on the brakes… Rachel swears that Max’s head didn’t hit anything, but did she really have to? If she’d braked hard enough, the sudden jerk could have caused Max’s brain to hit her skull or something.

Who knows about the cataracts, but she’s pretty sure you can just get some kind of surgery for those. Who knows what kind of brain damage she might have done by stomping on the brake pedal as hard as she could?

She’d panicked. She’d panicked and fucked up and now Max is in a fucking hospital bed and she can’t fucking see and who knows what else is wrong with her?

Because Chloe Price lost her shit.

Maybe David’s right.

Maybe she’s just a fucking useless waste of oxygen.

She can’t do anything right.

She fucked things up with Rachel so hard that Frank happened.

Steph barely talks to her and she clearly couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of Arcadia.

And now Max is in hospital.

Every single good thing in her life goes wrong.

And the only thing in common with all of them is her.

So it has to be her fault, that’s the only way that this makes sense. She’s got the Mierdas Touch, everything she loves turns to shit.

“Chloe? You’re crying.”

Chloe turns her head from the TV to look at Rachel, her hair still damp from the shower and a towel wrapped around her body. It’s almost funny, six months ago Rachel wouldn’t have bothered with the towel, and not just because she’s seen all of it already.

She almost wishes for her blissful ignorance back, when they were partners in crime looking to get out first chance they got.

Except what kind of partner cheats with their drug dealer?

Sure, Rachel told her, and she had her not totally awful reasons. That’s supposed to count for something. She should probably be angry at Frank for being enough of a slimeball to pressure Rachel into it in the first place, fuck, she should be angry with Rachel for not finding some other way, but really she’s just angry at herself. If she’d gotten more hours, or not gotten expelled, or just been a fucking better whatever she was to Rachel, none of it would have happened.

“Chloe, look at me.” Rachel says softly, sitting down on the edge of Chloe’s bed, her hand reaching out to touch Chloe’s arm.

She doesn’t pull away.

It’s actually fucking surreal spending so much time with her again, after a summer of losing her mind out in her old spots in the woods where she used to play with Max and avoiding Rachel. She’d just barely started talking to her again at all when Max had called saying she was coming back. Things had started seeming like they were going to get better. Having Max and Rachel around gave her enough breathing space that she could handle David’s bullshit a bit better.

“Chloe,” Rachel’s arms are wide and her voice shakes as she squeezes her forearm, giving it a shake, “You’re hella freaking me out right now, I need you to say something.”

She tries to move her mouth to say something, and only then does she realize that she’s sobbing. Her shirt is soaked with tears, snot dripping from her nose as her body shakes and jerks. All she can do is turn her arm over and move it so she can take Rachel’s hand.

Rachel squeezes her hand, lacing their fingers together as she shuffled closer to her on the bed. Her towel comes undone but Chloe barely notices as she moves closer as well, desperate for Rachel’s touch.

“Shhhhhh,” Rachel soothes, brushing through Chloe’s blue hair with her other hand, “It’s going to be okay, I’m here, I’m here.”

Despite everything, the familiar sounds and gestures are comforting as Chloe buries her face against Rachel’s arm, who moves even closer. Their hands swap, with Rachel wrapping her now freed arm around her shoulders and letting Chloe press her face into the crook of her neck.

She smells like hotel soap, not that Chloe can smell much of anything, but just her familiar skin and touch help slow the crying down so she can force stupid words out of her lips. “I can’t get it out of my head.”

“I know what you mean,” Rachel’s breath tickles over Chloe’s scalp as she holds her close, “Every time I close my eyes I see her bleeding and twitching.”

“I keep seeing her flying forward when I hit the brakes. I always hear some kind of thump…”

“It wasn’t her head hitting the dashboard, it was her arms, you can see some bruising,” Rachel gives her a gentle squeeze and Chloe presses closer, her body half on top of Rachel now, “Besides, the brakes on your truck are pretty shit, I don’t think it was hard enough to cause any whiplash. All of it started before you hit them.”

“I just… just…” Chloe reaches over Rachel, making a fist in her towel as she sinks into her familiar comfort.

“I know, I’m thinking it too, that we could have done something differently.”

It’s crazy that this is working at all, that the past few months haven’t erased this and made it impossible, but the crying slowly peters out and she’s left laying there. Rachel’s fingers brush through her hair, lightly rubbing the back of her head as she holds her.

It’s nice, and it’s weird that it’s still nice. But Chloe still feels about a million miles away and she’s about as empty inside as she’s ever felt.

Just like the bad old days.

“You were fine when I went in for my shower, what happened?”

It’s an effort to try and remember, her mind is so full of mothballs and pain. After a few seconds she shrugs, idly gesturing with her free hand toward her phone. “Boss texted. Said I had to work tomorrow or find a new job.”

“Asshole,” Rachel hisses, her fingers curling up into a fist in Chloe’s hair. It’s probably some reflexive anger thing, but fuck if it isn’t a sensation that Chloe’s spent months missing. “What time?”

Chloe shrugs again, unwilling to move her face from Rachel’s breast to check. “Morning.”

“So you’d be gone all day,” Rachel mutters softly and Chloe can practically hear the gears turning in her head, “That’s… not great, but we can make it work. I’ll go back to campus, talk to my teachers, get the homework I’m missing, and grab Max some of her things. I’ll get back here as soon as I can and keep her company until you finish your shift.”

“Shit, I, uh…”

“Didn’t think I cared that much?” The tone is gentle and teasing, which is actually kind of surprising.

Chloe shrugs, grabbing a corner of Rachel’s towel to clean her face off with since she’s all hella gross.

Rachel smiles down at her as she pulls her head back a bit. “There she is.”

A weak smile tugs at Chloe’s lips as she stares back at her. She just feels so fucking hollow right now, so disconnected that it’s hard to actually make any expression.

She’s not really sure why, maybe it’s months of accumulated loneliness, maybe it’s the sucking hole in her chest, maybe it’s just because she wants to feel something right now, but she moves forward, pressing her lips against Rachel’s.

If Rachel’s surprised, she gives no indication. She lets go of Chloe’s hand, her hand moving up to cup Chloe’s cheek while the other makes another fist in her hair. It’s so good to feel her lips again, the familiar taste of her mouth as the kiss lingers and renews itself, Chloe’s hand moving to cup Rachel’s own cheek in turn. Tongue doesn’t take long, the kiss taking on a life of its own as Chloe’s hunger and needs start asserting themselves. Her hand starts brushing aside Rachel’s towel, which is already half off already, earning her pleased sounds from her former sorta girlfriend. Her hand moves first to Rachel’s boobs, going through the familiar motions of cupping, kneading, and rubbing that she knows she likes.

Thoughts of Frank, worries about Max, they all float away, replaced by hot and urgent need. Her fingers aren’t their normal, nimble selves, but judging by the sounds Rachel’s making, they’re doing a good enough job.

Her hand moves lower still, raking her chipped and chewed nails over Rachel’s taunt stomach and down to her thighs, which part readily. Maybe Rachel needs this as much as she does, or at the very least she’s willing to let Chloe do what she needs to do. Judging by the insistent noises she’s making as she sucks on Chloe’s tongue, it’s probably both.

Her hand slides down between those thick thighs and her fingers test to see how ready things are. She’s probably just about as pent up as Chloe is, but who knows with her. She’s certainly damp, and Chloe’s dimly aware of her own situation and how badly she’s going to need a change of underwear. She gets to work on her clit. Her fingers are awkward and clumsy, even with how familiar she is with what Rachel likes, her body just doesn’t feel like following instructions. Still, her efforts seem to be appreciated by Rachel, who moans hotly into her mouth before abandoning the kiss to pant against the top of Chloe’s head.

Rachel’s hands aren’t content to sit idle, and they start fumbling to get Chloe’s shirt up and off of her. She cooperates, moving her body and briefly pulling her hand away to let Rachel do what she wants. With that piece of fabric tossed aside on the bed, Rachel’s hands grab Chloe’s hips, dragging her body closer as Chloe’s fingers get back to work. Her mouth goes right for Chloe’s chest, her tongue flicking over her pierced nipples before taking each into her mouth in turn.

Now it’s Chloe’s turn to start making noises and she doesn’t bother holding anything in. Rachel likes her loud and they’re in a fucking hotel, so who gives a shit?

She keeps her hand moving as best she can, and it feels good to hear Rachel’s groans and feel her slicks lips under her fingers. Rachel’s raw sexual energy was always addictive, and she feels it filling the emptiness in her all over again.

Rachel’s nails dig into Chloe’s hips as her tongue and teeth work their magic, really they’re the reason Chloe has her piercings in the first place. She already feels herself unravelling as hot moans spill from her lips, her eyes closing as her skin crackles with energy.

She can feel Rachel grinning against her tit as her fingers hook under the waistband of Chloe’s boy shorts and start tugging them down to her mid thigh. It’s almost embarrassing how wet she is, and judging by how much bigger the smile against her nipple gets, Rachel’s pretty pleased with herself as she gets to work.

Rachel’s fingers have none of her clumsiness as they slide into Chloe, going for all her weaknesses with ruthless efficiency. She comes undone in moments, her hand unable to keep going at anything resembling a regular rhythm, never mind actually pleasing Rachel. If that’s a problem, Rachel doesn’t let up.

Chloe’s left with one hand gripping Rachel’s hair as she turns the tables, rolling them over so Chloe’s on her back while Rachel’s fingers piston with precision and force.

The world explodes into stars, tingles, and noise as she explodes on Rachel’s hand. Her body spasms and twitches as her orgasm rips through her and leaves her laying breathless under Rachel, who smirks down at her job well done. She feels vaguely guilty about taking and not giving, but a bone aching tiredness sets in, stealing away any drive she might have to even the score.

Rachel doesn’t seem to mind, without a word she pulls the covers up over them and nestles into Chloe’s side with a contented sigh. The world seems so far away for the moment, and unconsciousness steals Chloe before she can say anything, not that she’s sure she really wants to.

Notes:

Guess I need to change that eventual smut tag, huh?

Chapter 4: Prognosis

It’s so weird not knowing what time it is. Sure, there’s a clock ticking away off to her right, and her heart monitor beeping, but neither of those tell Max anything if she can’t read them. She doesn’t know if it’s midnight or five in the morning. She’s pretty sure that it’s the morning. When she’d gotten back from her MRI Chloe and Rachel were gone, and her parents had told that it was late so they were going back to their hotel.

It wouldn’t exactly be out of character for her mom to make excuses to get away from her right now. When she’d gotten her diagnosis, her mom had been super weird about it. She still treats her like she’s about as capable as a toddler when she’s fucking 18. Her body’s ebbs and flows aren’t helping her much either. There’s no telling how fucked-up her sleep schedule is now after spending a few days in some kind of coma. Besides, she saw time itself, her brain has to be fucked-up beyond what the doctors can figure out.

She doesn’t know if her room has windows, so she has no idea if she’ll get to feel the warmth of the sun, never mind if that warmth means it’s morning or evening. What’s more, she can’t even use her phone to reach out to anyone to ask questions. It’s kind of hard to use a smartphone when you can’t see the screen. All she’d feel would be a piece of glass and a few buttons.

Max’s always been a wallflower, but she hadn’t realized just how much of her limited socializing relied on her phone. Sure, there’s probably some way to get it to read texts back to her, but she can’t type anything on it, or make a call. So she’s stuck floating in the dark. She’s not even sure if she should call it darkness, because she’s not actually seeing anything. She can’t even queue up some music on her phone until a nurse comes by and she asks them to put something on for her.

Maybe she should ask someone to get her guitar for her, so she has something to do for however long she’ll be stuck here. She can’t journal, doodle, photograph, text, check her socials, anything really. She’s pretty sure that her laptop has some sort of screen reader, but that’s back in her dorm too.

I think I’m going to go insane from boredom. I’m not sure if that’s better or worse than dealing with my parents or lying to the doctors. Somehow, I don’t think telling them that I wrecked my brain and eyes by looking into time is going to end well.

That’s just the price I pay for Chloe Price. Heh.

I wonder what she’s up to now? I’m glad I got to wake up with her next to me, but I have no idea what’s going on in this timeline, and I can’t read my diary to figure it out. Are she and Rachel dating and I’m the third wheel? That would fit, Rachel was between me and Chloe in the truck. Did they drop everything to be here for me? Is it causing problems between them? Why are they still in Arcadia? I would have thought they’d be in LA by now. I’m glad they’re not, but I think I could handle that if I knew Chloe was happy? Or maybe I’d be crazy jealous.

Is she happy? It seemed like it before I passed out, but who knows.

Max jerks upright in her bed as she hears the door click open, and there’s a soft knocking of knuckles of hollow metal. “Who’s there?”

“ It’s Kate,” comes the answer, in her familiar soothing voice. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

Relief floods her. Kate’s alive , she’s still here and she’s visiting her in the hospital. “You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice again.”

“ It’s so good to see you too.” She can hear the smile in her voice as she listens to the soft padding of flats on the floor of her hospital room, “I’ve been visiting you as often as I can, but you weren’t awake yet.”

“ What time and day is it? I’m kind of in the dark here.”

A chair lightly scrapes against the ground and then creaks under the weight of Kate sitting down in it. “It’s about quarter to seven in the morning on Saturday.”

Of course Kate is awake at 6am on a Saturday. “How’d you get here this early?”

“ My pops had an errand to run, so he drove me out here and dropped me off. Dana’s going to give me a ride back.”

Max reaches out with a hand toward the sound of Kate’s voice, and she feels Kate’s delicate, violin calloused fingers closing around her hand. Her skin is so soft and warm. “It means a lot to me that you’d come all this way.”

“ Of course I would, you’re my friend and this is your time of need,” Kate’s thumb gently brushes over the back of Max’s hand. “Nobody has really told me much of anything, though. Chloe told me what happened not long after it happened, and that you’re blind now, but I don’t really know the details.”

“ From what they told me, my optic nerve is totally fried on top of the cataracts. They’ve never seen anything like it before and they don’t know if it’ll heal.”

“ Oh Max, I’m so sorry,” Kate squeezes her hand, her voice cracked brittle like she’s on the verge of tears, “I know your photography means the world to you.”

She can feel herself starting to tear up, and a sinking feeling starts sucking out her chest. “I honestly don’t know who I am without it. I’ll never even be able to see the last picture I took, and I’m pretty sure it was a good one.”

“ Would you like me to check?”

“ Is my bag in the room?”

“ Uhm…” Kate’s chair shifts, and her hands push down on Max’s hand as she stands. “Yes, it’s on your bedside table.”

“ I didn’t even know I had one. It’s kind of tough to go exploring around when you’ve got IVs that you can’t see stuck in your arm, but the doctor said those would be coming out today.”

“ Hopefully they can get you a cane or something so you don’t walk into anything. I’m going to grab your bag, okay?”

“ Sure.”

It’s hard not to be disappointed when Kate lets go of her hands, and Max listens to her shuffling around the room and fumbling with her bag. She hadn’t realized just how close it was, but then again, her world is pretty much her bed right now so she doesn’t risk knocking another over.

“ I think I found it, it's Rachel and Chloe in Chloe’s truck?”

“ They’re laughing, right?”

“ Yes.”

“ That’s it. You can have a seat on the bed if you want, I don’t mind.” Max says softly, patting a spot on the hospital bed next to her.

“ If you’re sure.” She can feel the mattress deforming under Kate’s weight as she takes a seat. Max reaches out to find herself putting her hand on Kate’s shoulder.

“ What do you see?”

“ It’s beautiful. They look more alive and happy than I’ve ever seen either of them. Normally they’re playful and mischievous in your pictures, but here they’re relaxed and like they’re just being themselves. It feels so vibrant and joyful, and the way you’ve framed them against the far window is amazing.”

Max leans her head back, closing her eyes. It’s kind of a useless gesture, but still, it’s nice to know that she managed to get that right at least. “Thank you.”

“ Anytime,” Kate shuffles in the bed, placing a hand on Max’s and rubbing the back of her hand with her thumb again. “Is there anything more I can do for you?”

“ Just having you here is great. It seriously means so much that you came out all this way to visit me. Has anyone else come?”

“ Warren did, once. Dana did each time she drove me. Word just got out that you lost your vision, and Dana and I have been organizing some things for you.”

“ You really don’t have to.”

“ We want to. You’re our friend and you’re suffering right now, but it seems that get well soon cards are a bit of a bust.”

“ Yeah, sorry about that,” Max giggles softly as she pats Kate’s shoulder, “It’s kind of hard to read anything right now, but hey, maybe you could read them to me instead.”

“ That’s a lovely idea,” Kate gives her hand a gentle squeeze. “As for reading generally, I think I might be able to help you with that.”

It’s crazy how Max can actually hear Kate’s smile in her voice, and she feels the urge to feel her face so she can picture Kate’s playful little smile in her head. “What? Braille?”

“ Naturally.” Kate shifts in the bed, taking Max’s hand off of her shoulder and holding it in both of hers.

Laughter spills out of Max. “Why do you know braille? Why am I surprised that you do?”

“ Well,” it’s not hard to picture Kate’s mischievous expression from the bright tone of her near whisper, like she’s sharing some deep, dark secret, “my mother is very strict about not staying up too late, so lights out are lights out, and she tried to control the books I was allowed to read. So I figured, if there was a way I could read something my mother couldn’t, and do it in the dark, I could read as much as I wanted.”

“ So you learned braille?”

“ Exactly! My dad was all too happy to sign me up because I said it would let me help blind people.”

“ That’s not exactly a lie.”

“ Exactly!” Kate bounces in the bed a bit. “Two birds with one stone, so to speak.”

“ No birds were harmed in the process of you learning braille,” Max laughs again, a big smile spreading over her face, “I’ve been so bored, you have no idea. Learning to read again is just what I needed.”

“ Lucky for you, I actually brought you something from the library,” Kate lets go of her hand and shuffles around before putting a book into Max’s hand, “Shall we get started?”

“ Let’s.”

---

 

Rachel hovers in the doorway to Max’s hospital room, her mind buzzing with a swarm of angry hornets, her backpack slung over her shoulder. It’s full of a handful of things she’d managed to grab from Max’s room after Chloe had dropped her off on campus on her way to work. It’s not much: Captain, some spare blankets, and a bunch of fresh clothes that she knows she actually likes to wear, just in case she gets to leave soon. Why Max’s mom had brought an armload of stuff that included a skirt is beyond her; she’s never seen Max in anything with a hem and the only thing she has with one in her dorm’s closet is a little black dress tucked away in the back that looks like it belongs at a funeral. Behind her, nurses and doctors bustle to and fro as Max sits crossed legged in her bed with a book spread open in her lap, her finger moving over the page. Besides, rummaging through Max’s stuff had been a great way to get her mind off of what happened last night.

It had been a good, if temporary, distraction, but after she couldn’t stop thinking about last night. Chloe hadn’t touched her like that in… since Frank. But she barely looked at Rachel either. They’d had make-up sex before, and they’d had sex after Chloe had come out of a breakdown, but last night had been different. Chloe had told her about how she used to sleep with guys just to feel something and not be alone.

Had that been what last night was about? Just not feeling alone?

Her throat tights and her jaw clenches.

Is that all she is to Chloe now, someone to use and be used by because the alternative is being alone?

Should she have said no?

She didn’t want to then, and in hindsight, she wouldn’t. She doesn’t want to be alone any more than Chloe does, but it does nothing for the fear that’s been clawing at the back of her mind since Max came back into the picture.

Chloe’s going to leave her, she’s going to go to someone who won’t hurt her like Rachel already has. Max might have never had sex with Chloe, but she doesn’t have to. Chloe’s feelings for her could only be clearer if she had runway lights leading to her bed and someone was waving the glowing sticks at her heart.

Then why did she start things last night? Chloe had started things. Had it all been just not to feel alone?

She squashes those hopes into a tiny ball and throws them into her mental garbage can. That’s all it was. Not being alone. They’re both freaked out and stressed. Her focus needs to be on Max right now, anyway. Making a move on Chloe while Max is stuck in a hospital bed and blind would probably be worse than Frank.

Taking a deep, calming breath, she pushes the door open and steps inside, pausing a moment to observe her.

She’s sitting up, and there’s a book open in her lap, so that’s a big improvement. It’s actually really cute how her brow is furrowed in concentration, and her tongue is even sticking along a little, but Rachel also feels a pang of sympathy when she catches Max’s milky eyes following along with her finger. Some habits probably die hard. She's been alone for a few hours from what Kate told her, and Max’s parents probably stopped in briefly before having to deal with insurance and admin bullshit.

“ Hey, Max, it’s Rachel.”

Max’s head jerks up, her sightless eyes honing in on the sound of Rachel’s voice. “Oh, hey Rachel, I didn’t hear you come in.”

“ I’ve got a talent for being sneaky.” It’s impossible to miss the note of disappointment in her tone, even if her thin, chewed lips turn up into a smile as she sets her book aside. “Sorry, Chloe’s not here, her boss told her she had to come in or get fired.”

“ It’s okay, I would have heard her boots anyway.”

“ Her boots?” Rachel cocks her head to one side, puzzled.

“ It’s the heels in them, they make this… clopping sound? I guess everyone here is wearing sneakers or something, so it’s obvious.”

“… Huh.” Rachel nods as she makes her way into the room, slinging her bag down onto the chair next to Max’s bed. “How’s the reading going?”

Max shrugs, her body turning slightly to follow Rachel. “Rough, but I’ve got basically nothing else to do while I wait for people to come visit me.”

“ Kate told me you’re a quick study.”

“ She’s a great teacher,” Max laughs softly, reaching up to brush a few locks of her floofy brown hair out of her face. “But it’s good to have you back, Rachel.”

Rachel stands there for a moment, her arms crossed over her chest as she tries to gauge Max’s sincerity. Like always, there’s nothing she can find, Max probably couldn’t lie her way out of a paper bag if her life depended on it, but there’s something different that she can’t put her finger on. Whenever she tried to hang out solo with the freckled girl, Max was a shrinking violet, no matter how hard Rachel tried to coax out the person who was so captivating to Chloe.

Now Max is totally calm around her. It’s unnerving. Everything about Max’s sudden blindness is. Hours and hours of searching medical journals turned up nothing about anything like what’s happened to her, and Rachel has no idea how she isn’t totally losing her shit over it.“It’s good to see you too. How’re you feeling?”

Max shrugs, reclining back in her bed and tapping her fingers against the book. “Bored, mostly. The doctors keep coming by and asking me the same questions, and my parents are treating me like I’m a kid. How are you? I mean, I basically trashed your entire week.”

“ I’ll be fine,” Rachel flashes Max a smile that falters the moment she realizes that it’s for an audience of none. “Blackwell lets me get away with a lot, and teachers are giving me extra leeway with the news that my dear friend has suddenly been struck blind.”

“ Is that what we are? Dear friends?”

The words have no venom to them, but it sends a wave of unease through her as Max’s clouded eyes fix her with a curious look. If it was anyone else saying it, it could easily be a threat, but Max seems genuinely curious about what they are to each other. This is hella weird. “I mean, we’re hardly strangers.”

Max seems to ponder her words, nodding a few times. “I guess not, but I feel like I barely know you.”

Okay, what the actual fuck is going on? “You’ve known me for like a month, a woman is allowed to have some mysteries.”

“ What is a woman?” A grin spreads over Max’s face.

“ A miserable pile of secrets!” Rachel catches the joke instantly.

Max giggles, breaking out into a full smile. “ But enough talk, have at you!”

Okay, yeah, she’s still Max. But what the fuck? Since when is she that blunt about anything? “Shame Chloe’s not here, she’d be losing her shit.”

“ Probably,” Max sighs wistfully, tapping her fingers against her chest again as she smiles up at the ceiling. “She’s told me so much about you.”

“ Really?”

“ Really. She never stops, actually.”

Unease prickles over Rachel’s scalp. I guess we’re doing flattery. “She never shut up about you either.”

A darkness crosses Max’s expression, her smile fading away to nothing as she turns her head back to Rachel. “You probably thought I was the worst person in the world when I got back to town.”

The sudden vulnerability catches Rachel flat footed. Max spent her first few weeks back in town falling over herself apologizing to Chloe, but she’d never talked to Rachel about what she’d done. Probably because she was afraid that Rachel would tear her limb from limb for hurting Chloe like she had, and maybe a few years ago she would have, but after everything she’s done? Glass houses. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

“ You don’t have to spare my feelings just because I’m blind.”

If she wants honesty, fine, she can have honesty. “I wasn’t. You reached out to her first, and that meant a lot, but at the same time, I saw how much she missed you every day when you weren’t talking. At first you were this ghost hanging over us, and I was stuck in your shadow. It’s hard to fill the shoes of a girl you’ve never met, so I just didn’t try and I did my own thing with Chloe, but every time I went to visit, there were always pictures of you,”

Rachel studies Max, who looks up at her with a somber expression she can’t quite place. Bittersweet maybe? Like everything, it’s way calmer than she should be. “She wasn’t letting go of you, I don’t think she’s capable of that, but we started to build our own thing before… You know.”

“ And then I came back,” Max nods, grimacing slightly. “I’m glad Chloe has you.”

Rachel opens her mouth to speak, but the words are caught in her throat as she furrows her brow, totally confused. Max already knows that Chloe doesn’t ‘have’ her, what the fuck? Is she talking about when she was gone? Or now that Max is stuck in a hospital bed? This just keeps getting stranger.

“ Did you want to take a seat, or were you going to get going?”

It’s such a simple question, and somehow she’s caught her totally off guard again . She takes a deep breath to steady herself as she picks up her backpack and unzips it. “I’m here for the day, I just brought you some of your actual clothes since I figured you’d want to wear some of your normal stuff once they let you out. I had to keep Chloe from going off at your mom for bringing you a skirt.”

“ She would,” Max rolls her eyes as Rachel starts putting her things on her bed, “I swear she still thinks I’m ten or something.”

“ I can’t get over how she refuses to call you Max. Has she always been like this?”

“ Pretty much, yeah. You have no idea how hard I had to fight to leave home in the first place.”

“ You’ve told me bits and pieces, but your parents are…”

“ Controlling?” Max snorts, drawing her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them. “That’s putting it kind of mildly. It’s like after I got my diagnosis my parents thought that I was just going to be a kid forever. I’m 18, I can make my own decisions.”

Rachel lightly presses Captain against Max’s arms, and she takes him, tucking him in behind her knees. “I can sympathize, we’re not little girls anymore.”

“ Yeah… I don’t want to go back. I want to stay here, but I’m not looking forward to having to fight them on that,” Max sighs, pressing her face into her ancient teddy bear. “Have a seat? It’s less lonely here when I can feel someone’s weight on the bed.”

“ Uh…” Rachel looks at the empty spot next to Max on the bed, and then into her hopeful face. “Sure. I can imagine how isolating this is.”

“ I need to find a way to get my phone to read things to me, probably through headphones, but I don’t know about messaging people back.” Max grumbles gesturing toward her bedside table where her phone sits. The battery is totally drained and Rachel didn’t bother getting the charger. “Maybe there are braille keyboards I could attach to it or something.”

“ We’ll look into that,” Rachel says softly as she takes her seat. It's a bit of a struggle to keep looking at Max while her knees point away from her, but she’s not about to cuddle up to her. At least she doesn’t have to worry about making eye contact?

“ There’s a lot of stuff I need to figure out. Like, how do I know which clothes are which? The fabrics are all going to feel about the same regardless of the colour, and I was enough of a fashion disaster already.”

“ Excuse you, you’re a cute fashion disaster,” Maybe it’s going over the line, but Rachel needs to find some way of buoying her spirits until Chloe can get here, “Besides, I’m sure we’ll be able to help you with that stuff.”

“ Are you saying you want to help me get dressed?”

Warmth flashes through her. Max flirting with her? The cheeky smile on those chapped lips confirms it, she’s definitely flirting with Rachel, talk about off type. The question is, what is she going to do with the ball hurtling toward her end of the court? Chloe’s not exactly going to be stoked if she returns the serve, but at the same time, she’s not about to let her get an easy ace. “That depends on if you want me to.”

A bright blush blossoms on Max’s pale cheeks, bringing out her freckles quite nicely, and that smile of her falters a bit. “Might be nice…”

Okay, back off or Chloe will kill you. “I can certainly help you pick something out.”

“Is it okay if I touch you?”

She almost misses the question, it’s spoken so softly. “Um, sure? Why?”

“It’s just less lonely that way.” Max’s hand reaches out and lightly rests on Rachel’s forearm. It’s probably the most physical contact they’ve had outside of Rachel throwing Max into hugs to make Chloe happy and think they were getting along more than they were, but she probably saw through that anyways. She’s seen how quickly and easily Max reaches out to touch Chloe or Kate… and she’d be lying if she wasn’t just a little jealous of that.

But now Max is touching her.

What the fuck does that mean?

What did last night mean?

Do either of those things even mean anything? They’re lonely and she’s the only one here. She’s also probably the last person Max wants around her, short of Victoria or her cronies, and yet…

It’s honestly annoying how much Max and Choe have her off her game right now, all without even trying.

Max’s fingers brush up and down her forearm, and she lays her head back, her cloudy eyes staring up at the ceiling. “Your skin is so soft.”

“It’s called skin care. You should try it sometime.”

“I’ve been told. You’ll have to teach me.”

“Sure, once you’ve finished braille I can tell you all about how to actually take care of yourself.”

They both laugh at that, and while Max seems to be at ease, Rachel just can’t shake the feeling of offness about her. She wants to ask about it, the questions burn in her, but she can’t seem to feel the opening to ask. Max is more open with her in some ways, but there’s definitely something she’s not sharing, and probably won’t any time soon. It nags at Rachel’s mind like a scab she wants to pick at.

“So, what’s the word at school?” Max jumps in before she can ask. “Kate isn’t exactly up to date on gossip.”

Now this is more her speed, and she perks up a bit as Max’s fingers settle into a solid place down by her wrist. “You would not believe the wild shit going around about what happened to you. I’m just waiting to hear that you were cursed by an angry witch.”

“Would that witch happen to have feather earrings and a dragon tattoo?”

Another little test, since when does Max talk like this? Did something happen to her brain during the seizure? “If you believe the rumors, but you know how trustworthy those are.”

“Nice to know that I don’t have to deal with any hexes on top of everything else.”

Rachel snorts, her sense of unease melting away. “Maybe not, but just wait until you hear what Juliet’s been up to.”

---

 

Chloe’s fucking late. 

Because of course she is. 

Stupid fucking customers and their stupid fucking problems keeping her away from what actually fucking matters. She dodges through hospital staff trying to make her way to Max’s room, getting lost twice along the way because the identical hallways are so fucking confusing. Holding her jacket tight to her body, she stomps down the correct hallway, shoving her phone into her jacket pocket before reaching for the door handle.

She pauses, loud voices coming from inside. It sounds like Max’s parents, Rachel, and Max are all in a shouting match. And what’s more, Max doesn’t sound scared, she sounds pissed . She probably hasn’t heard Max this mad since her mom tried to throw out some of her photographs back when she was 12, and even then, this sounds angrier.

Max definitely needs her right now.

Throwing open the door, she storms into the room. Rachel is standing on the far side of Max’s bed, and her eyes snap to her, and she knows her well enough right now to instantly spot Rachel’s calm mask for what it is.

“—aying here!” Max yells before her head turns in Chloe’s direction. Ryan and Vanessa are standing at the end of Max’s bed, and neither of them looks happy.

“Sorry I’m late, I got held up at work.” Chloe says hurriedly as she brushes past Max’s parents to be by her bedside opposite Rachel. Max’s hands reach out to her and she takes one, letting Max put the other on her arm as she kicks a chair over to sit in. “Customers being assholes. What’d I miss?”

“They’re trying to get Max to go back to Seattle,” Rachel’s sharp tone slices through the air before anyone else can butt in, “She doesn’t want to go.”

“She needs to be home so we can take care of her,” Vanessa says in the ‘lecturing a dog for peeing on the carpet’ tone that she pulls out whenever Max disagrees with her.

“I don’t need you to take care of me!” Max snaps, her fingers digging into Chloe’s jacket and palm. “It’s not like you can guide me around everywhere, you have jobs! At least at Blackwell I have people who are always around to help me.”

“Like me,” Chloe jumps in, “If she needs someone to help her out off campus, I’ll be her seeing-eye Chloe.”

That gets a snort out of Max, and fuck if that isn’t a sound that Chloe’s been dying to hear all day. The texts she’d gotten from Kate about how she’d been doing had been a little weird, but she’d be right about Max being more or less herself. Except since when was Max this direct or confident? She’s not complaining, it’s actually pretty fucking great, but still. She’s going to have to ask her about it at some point.

“And I’ll be there to help her on campus. I’m right across the hall from her and we hang out all the time,” Rachel adds, sitting down on the edge of Max’s bedside. Chloe’s pretty sure that’s a lie from what both of them have told her. It took a lot of reassuring to convince Max that Rachel didn’t hate her, or at least didn’t hate her that much. In fact she’s pretty sure that the only reason Rachel tried to get to know her at all was as a way of apologizing to Chloe for Frank.

“Besides, neither of you know braille, and Kate’s teaching me,” Max squeezes Chloe’s hand and arm, sitting up a little straighter, “For free. I earned my spot at Blackwell, I’m going to use it.”

“Sweetie,” Ryan holds up his hands before dropping them down to his sides with an embarrassed look on his face.

Vanessa jumps in over top of him, putting her hands on her hips, “You can’t exactly do your photography anymore, they’re going to pull your scholarship.”

“If I can’t take pictures, then there are other programs at Blackwell, I’ll find something ,” There’s this hella weird authority to Max’s tone, like she’s just fucking done with the whole conversation. “I’m not just going to give up before I’ve even talked to Wells.”

God damn, since when does Max fight like this? Or not call him principal like a goodie two shoes? The whole thing is fucking bizarre, and the determined look on Max’s face is impossible to square with the limp, lifeless face bleeding all over her arms and chest as she carried her into the emergency room a couple of days ago.

I wish she’d fought this hard to stay in touch.

“Van, I don’t think she’s going to budge,” Ryan puts one of his big hands on Max’s Mom’s shoulder, “We’ll talk it over with the principal and—”

“ I’ll talk it over with the principal,” Max jumps in, and everyone stares at her in shock for a second, including Rachel, “I’m 18, I can do this myself.”

“Maxine, you—” Vanessa starts, only for Max to shake her head, her milky eyes glaring back at her mom.

“I need to do this myself,” Max gives Chloe’s hand another squeeze, but it feels about a million miles away, “If I lose my scholarship, then fine, but until then, this is my choice.”

Ryan tugs on his wife’s shoulder, cocking his head toward the door, “Come on, Van, it’s getting late and I think she’s made up her mind.”

Vanessa deflates like a balloon and sighs, rubbing her temples. “Fine. We’ll hang around in case you need a lift home, okay?”

Max’s hands squeeze a little tighter as she nods, “Okay.”

Chloe doesn’t dare move until Max’s parents leave the room and the door clicks shut. Only then does she let out a breath that quickly turns into laughter as giddiness swarms around in her chest like a swarm of butterflies. “Holy shit ! Who the fuck are you and what have you done with Max Caulfield?”

Rachel laughs with her, “I know, right? I mean you’ve stood up for Kate to Victoria a couple times, but that was always when you had backup.”

Max slumps down in her hospital bed, a weak, weary smile on her face as she looks up at Chloe with her cloudy eyes. “I guess I’ve got something worth fighting for.”

Warmth flushes through Chloe, and she looks up to see Rachel’s carefully neutral expression taking back over. Shit, she probably means her friends, right? I mean yeah, I’m her best friend, but there’s Kate and Dana and shit. “Yeah, we’d, uh—”

“We’d hella miss you,” Rachel says softly, her hand reaching out to give Max’s other shoulder a squeeze, “And I’m pretty sure Kate would follow you up to Seattle if they tried to make you move.”

“Or I’d just run away and come back,” Max shuffles in the bed, her hand on Chloe’s arm letting go and falling back to her side as she turns to face Rachel. But she doesn’t let go of Chloe’s hand, “I could always hide out in the junkyard or something.”

Chloe and Rachel both freeze up and stare at each other, ice spiking in Chloe’s veins. The fucking junkyard. I haven’t been there since our fight.

She can still hear the shit she called Rachel that day, the way they’d screamed and reduced each other to tears over motherfucking Frank Bowers . And what’s weirder is that she’s never told her about it, and Max has never fucking been there as far Chloe knows. Even when they were kids, they’d listened to their parents when they told them to stay away from it. So why is she bringing it up? Is it just somewhere she doesn’t think anyone would look for her? Did she go there on her own and find the old hideout? Maybe she found some pictures of Chloe and Rachel there in one of their rooms? The last two make the most sense, Max is nothing if not a snoop.

“Hey?” Max blinks a few times, frowning, “Is something wrong?”

Rachel is the first one to find her words. “It wouldn’t be safe there for you.”

“Y-yeah,” Chloe forces a laugh, “You’d need hella tetanus shots.”

“Then I could sleep at the lighthouse or something,” Max shrugs, giving Chloe’s hand a squeeze, “I just got here, I don’t want to go anywhere.”

Just got here? I mean, I guess it’s only been a month.

The door to the hospital room clicks open and Chloe turns to see a nurse poking her head in the door, “Visiting hours are over, you two need to get going.”

Max squeezes Chloe’s hand and she looks back to see her smiling up at her. It’s fake as shit. “It’s okay, I’ll be fine. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Rachel shuffles around, getting off the other side of the bed and slinging her backpack over her shoulder. “We’ll be back as soon as we can be. Come on, Chloe, you look exhausted.”

She is. Work always takes a lot out of her, even when it’s quiet. Especially when it’s quiet. “Yeah, I won’t let them keep me late tomorrow, I promise.”

“You’d better,” Max’s smile gets a little more genuine as she lets go of Chloe’s hand and crosses her arms over her chest, “Hopefully they let me go tomorrow.”

“Fingers crossed,” Rachel nods as she walks past the end of the bed and takes the door from the nurse, who ducks back out in the hallway, “Come on, Chloe, let’s go get some sleep.”

Chapter 5: Release

“Max!”

Chloe’s not sure who shouts it. Could be her, could be Rachel. It’s probably both of them. Her knuckles are white around the steering wheel as the engine roars. In the corner of her eye she can see Max spasming as Rachel holds her. She risks a glance. Blood is flowing out of Max’s nose like a river, coating Rachel’s arms, splattering on the seats.

She needs to go faster. Her fucking truck needs to get to the hospital now. Her foot finds the floor. The engine she’s spent so many hours tinkering and fixing screams. She’s dimly aware that she’s risking overheating, a blowout, or worse.

None of that matters.

Max does.

She needs to get her to the hospital.

“Stay with us!” Rachel yells, her arms around Max’s waist as she jerks and twitches like a marionette with tangled strings.

“Max!” Chloe shouts. She’s not really sure why. She’s not sure if Max can hear her, or hear anything really. She needs to.

She just got her back.

She’s not about to let go of her again.

She needs Max.

“Chloe!”

Her head snaps up, her eyes refocusing on the Blackwell parking lot. Rachel’s staring at her. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” It’s so weird to see her actually worried about her after what she did. Is Chloe okay? When has Chloe been okay in the past five years? “I lost you for a second there.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine,” Chloe can’t match her gaze, her eyes lingering on the empty parking lot. It’s the morning, right? Before classes? No, that’s not it, there’s no students. Must be a drama club thing. “Just need to wake and bake, you know?”

Rachel shifts on the towel covering the bloodstained seat, crossing her arms, the worry in her expression deepening. She’s not buying it. “I called your name three times.”

Words hang unspoken in the air. It’s so fucking weird to see Rachel without her act on. She’s probably just as fucked up as Chloe is, but she’s normally better at hiding it. “Sorry, I just spaced. I’m fine, Rach.”

“You’re worried about her,” Rachel says flatly, grabbing her bag off the space in the seat between them. A year ago, Rachel would have been pressed up against her, a hand on her thigh and pressing her lips against her neck, her bag on the floor or up against the door. Chloe’s heart aches to just lean over and hug her or something. Fuck knows they could probably both use one.

“Yeah, I am,” Chloe shakes her head, trying to clear the cobwebs out of her thoughts, “Did we do the right thing backing her up like that? I mean—”

“Are you seriously asking me if keeping Max here was the right move?”

“I mean, obviously I want her here, but what if some of the Vortex brojobs or Victoria start trying to mess with her?”

“If any of them fucking lays a finger on Max, he’s going to lose it and the rest of the arm,” Rachel hisses, throwing her bag over her shoulder. Her lips are pulled back into a sneer “And if Victoria makes fun of her, I’m going to make her regret it.”

“Holy shit,” Chloe blinks a few times, trying to process just how fucking angry she is right now, “Since when do you give a fuck about Max?”

The anger evaporates on Rachel’s face, her sneer faltering before collapsing completely into actual shock. “I…”

“A couple weeks ago you were all hella weird about her, now you’re threatening to fight the entire Vortex Club for her?”

“Well, excuse me for not just falling all over myself when your old best friend comes calling after years of not speaking to you,” Rachel huffs, crossing her arms over her chest, “Is this what you want now? Do you want to fight with me about how I reacted to Max coming back?”

“What? No!” Chloe shakes her head, pulling her beanie off and running one hand through her blue hair. “I’m just…” She takes a deep breath, the hand on the steering wheel clenching tight before relaxing, “I don’t know, I was just worried you two couldn’t be friends, until...”

“I wasn’t sure we could,” Rachel’s expression softens, “I was just putting up with her to make you happy, but then she started growing on me a bit, and… I don’t know. But I never let them mess with her before. Now? Fuck that.”

She opens her mouth to ask a question, but an alarm on Rachel’s phone starts blaring instead.

Rachel winces as she silences the alarm and throws the door open. “Rehearsal time, I’ll catch you later.”

Chloe sighs as the door slams shut, her hand tightening around the steering wheel again as she starts driving.

She barely even notices that she’s going anywhere until she’s staring at the garage to the house again.

Right.

She has work later.

How much later, though?

What time is it?

She could never get the clock on her dashboard to work right, so she pulls out her phone. She’s got a few hours.

Her eyes go back to the towel on the seat next to her.

Right, I need to clean up the blood.

Her nose has gone blind to the coppery tang hanging in the air, but she needs to clean it out before it starts to actually reek.

The house is quiet as she steps in through the front door and into the garage. David must still be sleeping, at least I won’t have to deal with him. Hitting the door opener, she screws the spray nozzle onto the garden hose, turns on the water, and starts carrying the hose out to the truck.

Max’s blood is a giant scab on the bench seat. A big blotch of dirty browns and rusty reds. She should have cleaned this days ago, it’s probably starting to stink like hell.

She raises the hose.

Max’s head lolls limply in her arms as Chloe pulls her from the truck. Blood is gushing from her nose, her ghostly pale face is covered in it, and there’s a bunch on the seat. Sliding an arm under her knees, she picks her up. 

She’s all skin and bone.

Was Max always so tiny?

She feels so small in Chloe’s arms as she sprints for the hospital doors. She holds Max’s head against her chest. Her white tank top stains red as she runs for the doors to the emergency room.

Max’s arms dangle, her legs are wet noodles, flopping with each step.

How is Max so light?

It’s like she’s holding a giant pillow, not her old best friend.

She’s not even sure what she screams as she runs through the doors, but moments later there’s people in scrubs and a gurney taking Max from her.

She doesn’t want to let go, she wants to hold on, she needs to save her, she has to—

“Didn’t you hear me?” David’s voice smashes the memory, and she turns to find him staring at her, the usual anger boiling up when she’s ignoring him, his finger stabbing through the air at the hose in her hand. “I asked you a question.”

“This?” She raises the spray nozzle up, her eyes focusing on it. What was she doing again? Right, the blood. She jerks her head toward the giant mess. “Cleaning out the, uh… Max.”

David’s eyes follow her gesture and go wide, the color draining for his face as his jaw clenches. For a second, Chloe’s afraid he’s about to lose it and actually flinches, expecting a hand to start flying her way.

It doesn’t. Instead David just stares at the bloodstain, his face stuck in that expression for a few seconds, his hands falling to his sides as he just… stands there.

She starts weighing just starting to clean versus trying to snap him out of it before deciding she should probably get his attention. Turning her back to him doesn’t tend to end well. “Uhhh, David?”

He blinks a few times, shaking his head before his eyes lock back onto her. “You’re going to need salt water. I’ll go make some.”

“Oh, uh… thanks?” Chloe raises an eyebrow as he turns back around and practically bolts into the house. That was fucking weird.

---

 

It’s hard to really put into words how good it feels to be in her own clothes again. The loose, soft fabrics of one of her usual hoodies and t-shirts, the comforting tightness of her skinny jeans, and it’s even nice to bear wearing one of her bras, as much as she hates to admit it. Max won’t miss the scratchy confines of the endless hospital gowns that she kept having to take on and off to let the medical staff put wires here and there. She doesn’t even want to think about how many nurses and technicians have seen her bare chest now. At least she never saw their faces, and their professional voices never told her their expressions.

Now she gets to relax in the relief of being free of IVs and heart monitors, her feet dangling off the side of the bed. Her body feels so weak. Maybe it’s the time she spent unconscious, maybe it’s just the aftershocks of punching a hole in the walls of that last jump so she could make her direct edits. It doesn’t really matter, because she’s stuck with it for now, just like she’s stuck with this timeline.

On reflex, she lifts her hand up. Nothing happens. She can’t even feel the space in her mind where her power used to be. Maybe it was in the nerve that got torched. That doesn’t matter either, her powers are gone. 

Which means she has no way to prove any of what she’s been through, and if she tried to tell someone, nobody would believe her. The last thing she needs is Chloe and Rachel thinking she’s gone completely crazy and trying to put her back in a hospital, or word getting back to her parents. They’d use that to guilt her into coming home for sure, if not just outright try to force her to come back so they can ‘take care of her’.

It’s an insane story too. Time travel, Chloe dying, Kate dying, finding Rachel’s body, the storm. She has no way to convince anyone other than knowing things she shouldn’t, and that would only make everything worse.

I just need to not mess anything up. No pressure.

“Do you need my help?” Asks the nurse who handed her the clothes in the first place.

“No, I think I can find the bathroom,” Max turns her head to the source of the noise, flashing her a smile, “It’s 5 steps forward from the end of the bed, 15 to the right to the door, and then I can feel around.”

“Smart, you learned that fast,” the nurse, Sarah, was it? Susan? “You’ll want your new cane though.”

“Right,” Max nods, her hand groping around her bedside until she finds the rubber handle, her fingers closing around the textured grip. It’s pretty light, and fits easily into her hand. Kate told her earlier that it was white, but Max knows Chloe well enough to know that by the end of the month it’ll be covered in art and stickers. Not that she’ll be able to appreciate them, but still, it means she’ll get to carry some of her around with her everywhere she goes.

Maybe that’s cheesy, but as far she’s concerned, she’s earned the right to be the cheesiest cheeseball ever. Doesn’t get more sappy than breaking time to save a girl, right?

The question is, does she get the girl or not?

Probably not with Rachel around, but she’s still happy to be Chloe’s friend at all. And hey, at least she gets to actually know Rachel now. It even seems like the Max she replaced was getting to be friends with her. There was definitely some frostiness from Rachel, she could hear the guardedness in her voice, but that’s to be expected. If anyone could be a threat to Rachel and Chloe, she’s it. Maybe the old Max had already gotten past that with her? It’s hard to tell.

They’re definitely friendly, and Rachel had called her a dear friend, even if it had mostly been dramatics. What she does know is that both of them dropped everything to be there for her, so whatever else is going on, they clearly care about her. Not that Chloe caring was ever in doubt.

And apparently the old her had actually told Chloe ahead of time that she was coming. It sucks that she can’t read that letter now, she should have sent one just like it in her timeline, then maybe she wouldn’t be in this mess. Maybe she could ask Chloe to read it to her so she can get some insight, but she can’t do that with her diary. Who knows what messy secrets might be in there? The only person she could trust enough with that would be Kate, but maybe this version of her spent all day writing about her massive crush on Kate in there or something. That would be a disaster, never mind anyone else. Chloe’s just a big no, definitely not Rachel, and Dana might tell Juliet and then the whole school would know.

So she’s in the dark, literally and figuratively. At least she doesn’t seem to have made any serious blunders so far, but it’s not like she’s had a lot of alone time with anyone but Kate yet. Rachel had her for a while, but her parents had cut that short. She just has to find ways to not totally screw up without her diary or her rewind.

Definitely no pressure.

Tapping her cane against the floor, she frowns. She’s not sure if she’s looking forward to or dreading some alone time with Chloe. Like yeah, she’s still Chloe, but she’s not her Chloe. She didn’t find Rachel’s corpse in a junkyard, she didn’t break into Backwell with her in the dead of night, and she hasn’t dared her to kiss her while lounging around in their pajamas. At least, not that she knows of. Although she’s pretty sure if that had happened, then Rachel wouldn’t have come to visit her at all, never mind joking around and playing nice.

Her feet touch the cold floor and her legs immediately threaten to buckle, just like they have every time she’s tried this. She’s not sure if it’s because she was out, time travel, or both. It’s also just another thing that doesn’t matter.

“Do you want help walking?” Asks the nurse, and Max desperately wishes she could read name tags right now.

“No, I’ve got this.” Max half whispers, her voice suddenly hoarse as she fights through the weakness and steadies herself, her cane tapping ahead of her as she takes slow, measured steps. Her brain hurts as she tries to map out the space around her with the cane. She was never really good at the whole hand-eye coordination thing unless her camera was involved, she could barely get through the first round of that whole stupid pacer test thing, assuming she didn’t just fall flat on her face because she tripped over herself. Now she’s has to poke around with her cane to feel ahead of her. How is she going to organize her dorm room? Sure, she could try having designated places for everything, but that wouldn’t survive Chloe’s first visit anyhow.

There’s so much she’s going to have to find ways around. Texting, homework, reading, getting around town. Maybe this is her ticket to finally having an actual living, breathing pet, like she’s asked for basically since Bongo died? Her parents always refused because they don’t think she ‘can be responsible enough’. Just another thing they seem to think that she can’t be capable of, no matter how much she likes dogs, cats, and all other kinds of cuddly critters.

At least she has a seeing-eye Chloe in the meantime.

A smile springs to her face. If it hadn’t been in the middle of an argument, she would have groaned at the lameness, but at least it’s good to know that her partner in crime hasn’t gone anywhere.

The smile vanishes. This Chloe isn’t her partner in crime, and Max isn’t her partner in time. 

She can’t be.

It’s going to be hard to keep all of that apart. I just hope I don’t mess it up too badly.

---

 

Chloe’s drenched and her arms ache, but at least her truck is clean. Wiping the water dripping from her blue hair off her face, she starts coiling the hose back up. A cold breeze picks up and a shiver jolts her.

The after image of the big blood puddle sits in her mind as she puts the hose back on its stand in the garage. I can’t believe someone so small can lose that much blood.

Her hands twitch into loose fists and her gut twists just turning the memory over in her mind. One moment Max had been fine, and the next…

And the next Max Caulfield, the photographer, had died in her truck.

Sure, Max is still breathing, but from what she’d been told there was no way she’d ever see again. Her optic nerve is toast, and her eyes filled with cataracts. Sure, she could get surgery for the cataracts if she got a bunch of money that her family doesn’t have. Then her eyes would go back to the crystal clear deep blues that had been on Chloe’s mind since they were kids. But that just be for that, to get rid of the cloudiness. Nerves don’t just heal like that. At least, not that Chloe knows of. Maybe in the future there could be some kind of bionics or other sci fi bullshit, but Max probably wouldn’t be able to afford that either.

And who is Max without her camera?

She’s still Chloe’s best friend, that’s for fucking sure, but she can’t just get a job doing that. If Chloe were loaded like Victoria or the Prescotts, sure, but she’s not.

Max was always kind, smart, sweet, funny, gentle, and braver than she ever gave herself credit for, but photography was her entire life .

And now it’s fucking gone.

Rachel keeps insisting that Max’s head didn’t hit anything, and if she had, that wouldn’t explain what happened. She would have had to hit something really hard and in just the wrong way for that to happen, or have some kind of fucked up brain disease, but neither of those explain why Max asked if anyone could smell burning. Some kind of stroke would explain that, but it wouldn’t explain her eyes just suddenly going cloudy.

It doesn’t make any fucking sense. None of it does. Cataracts are supposed to take years, parts of the brain don’t just burn away.

Another gust of wind makes Chloe shiver. She looks down at herself and scowls. Idiot, cleaning out your car in a white tank top. Can’t wait to get shit from David over this.

With a sigh she steps through the door into the front hall and heads right up the stairs, shutting her door and locking it with the deadbolt Rachel got for her before David can even think of following at starting anything.

The house is eerily quiet as she changes into her work clothes, and she half expects to find David waiting for her as she unlocks the door and steps out into the hall.

“Chloe!” David’s usual yell comes from downstairs, and she cringes.

Okay, what is it now? Did I use too much water cleaning out my truck or something? He’s the one who made me the fucking salt water. “What?”

“I made coffee.”

Chloe blinks a few times, trying to turn the sentence over in her head to make it make sense.

It doesn’t.

David made her… coffee?

What?

Since when the fuck does he do anything for her?

Each step down the stairs feels like she’s walking into the mines of Moria or something. She keeps expecting him to start yelling about how much of a fuckup she is.

Instead she enters the kitchen and he’s just standing there at the counter between the kitchen and the dining room, holding a mug in his hand and that old picture he’d tried to push on her in the other. Another mug is sitting on the counter in front of him.

With nothing else to do, she warily approaches before picking up the mug, staring into it like there’s a venomous snake waiting to leap out at her in the rich, murky depths.

“You remember Phil, right?” David asks in a low, soft tone, startling the hell out of her.

“He’s, uh, your friend, the guy who died?” She asks, holding the coffee up to her mouth. He wants to like… fucking talk to me? Try and relate? What?

“Yeah. I told you he died because of an IED.” David says, lifting up his own mug and talking into it, his eyes fixed on the picture.

“Yeah, what about it?”

“I didn’t tell you the whole story.” Chloe’s eyes narrow as she watches his hands start to tremble.

Okay, what the fuck?

“We weren’t… I wasn’t a combat soldier, Chloe. I was a mechanic,” He starts, his head bowing slightly, his shoulders hunching. Chloe’s hands tighten around her mug. “I was there to keep the tanks and trucks running, but things were really bad back then, and we all thought we were hot shit. It wasn’t our job to go out past the wire, but that was just on paper. We had to do convoys all the time just because we needed more manpower. For a while it was fine, we weren’t really in any hot zones. Sometimes we saw a little action, some jackass would take some potshots at us and run, sometimes we’d find an IED, but most of the time it was just nothing but sand and camels.”

Chloe’s jaw tightens as she sips on the coffee. Not even close to enough sugar but whatever.

“It was the nothing that really got to you. Every bit of garbage or rocks on the side of the road could be an IED, every car coming the other way could have a bomb. You can’t stop the convoy to check everything, so you just… stop. You start learning to recognize when a car is too low to the ground because it’s full of something heavy, when the trash is too close to the road, but mostly you just get bored and lazy.”

“And that’s what happened?”

David’s entire body tenses, the knuckles of his big meaty hands going white around the coffee mug in his hand. For a second Chloe wonders if it’s going to just shatter. “Yeah. I was on the 50. The, uh, the big gun on top of the hummer. We’d been on the road for a few hours, there were a couple weeks left on our tour, and I got lazy. I didn’t see it coming, and I should have. They waited for the lead vehicle to pass it and then they hit us. Phil died right away and I was knocked out for the fight. When I woke up I was being medevaced along with him and a few others. The humvee could just be towed out, we mostly took shrapnel, but there wasn’t much left of him.”

“Shit.” Is just about the only thing Chloe can actually get out of her mouth, so she goes back to drinking her coffee.

“Yeah, well… When I got back to base I was fine, so they put me right back to work.” He shrugs, his entire body hunched around his coffee as he puts the picture down on the counter. “First thing I had to do was clean out what was left of his skull and most of his brain from his seat.”

Chloe’s throat goes dry as she holds the mug to her lips. David’s eyes are fixed on the picture in front of him. Holy fuck, can you not fucking warn someone if you’re going to talk about shit like this?

“You did good with Max,” he continues, like he hasn’t said anything fucked up, “I heard that she’s awake again, probably going to come back to school. If you hadn’t gotten her to the hospital as fast as you did—”

“Don’t even fucking say it,” Chloe snaps, her own hands shaking now, “Don’t. She’s blind, yeah, but she’s fucking alive.”

David blinks, looking up at her like he’s just realizing that she’s standing there. His face is ghostly pale, and his mustache twitches. “Yeah, well… You got her there when it counted. I’m going to go work on my car.”

And like that he’s fucking gone. Chloe’s heart thunders in her chest as she hears the door to the garage slam shut.

“Holy fuck,” She says to nobody in particular, her voice wavering, “What the hell was that?”

---

 

Rachel’s mind itches with annoyance as she sits in the shade of a tree, watching the parking lot. She’s not sure which is bugging her more, how out of character Max is being, or that Chloe had been fucking right. Since when does she give this much of a shit about Max? Like she was starting to care about Max, actually care that is, not just say she did to make Chloe happy, but now…

Every time she closes her eyes she can still feel her twitching and convulsing in her arms, her pale face jerking and streaked with blood. Every dream is about them not making it to the hospital in time, or the blood just gushing out in great geysers from her nose and slowly flooding the truck.

Her stomach clenches. It makes no sense. None of it makes any sense. The blindness, the seizure, the nosebleed, nothing fits anything she can find anywhere. And that’s not even getting into how Max has just… changed. She should be a wreck, she’s a photographer who can’t see anymore. Her passion is gone and dead with no hope of ever coming back. Instead she’s calmer than a lake at dawn, just totally placid and accepting it.

And then there’s the fight with her parents. She’s never seen Max talk back to anyone except Chloe, and even that was tepid at best. Now she has full on shouting matches? She can stand her ground and give as good as she gets in an argument and not fold like paper mache in the rain?

It’s actually kind of hot?

She shakes her head, trying to dislodge the thought. This is Max. Yeah, she’s hella cute and not just in the looks department. She’s pretty sure only Victoria would even try and argue that. But hot?

She just never had the attitude that took, never mind the poise and confidence. But now she seemingly has confidence, determination, and even seemingly drive.

Not that it matters, if anyone is off limits to her, it’s Max. She’s pretty sure that Chloe would mount her head on a pike if she so much as gave her a hug the wrong way, not that she really wants to pursue her anyways. Chloe’s been her focus, and she has no plans on changing that, but she also doubts she could separate those two if she wanted to. And now she definitely doesn’t want to.

A sigh escapes her lips and she leans her head back against the rough bark of the tree. Life just has to be complicated, doesn’t it? Whatever plans she had are ashes now. Maybe she could have convinced Chloe to move down to LA with her and Max could have tagged along and lived in the dorms on her own. But now there’s no way that’ll happen. Max in a place she doesn’t know, especially a big city, is going to need even more help now.

Strangely enough, the thought of being roommates with Max doesn’t really bug her. Maybe living across the hall from her has something to do with it. She’s sweet and nice to be around, and she’s not half bad on her guitar even with her excessive modesty. Besides, Chloe would be so fucking happy to have her around, blindness or not.

I guess I’ll just have to find a way to make that work. I just don’t know if they’re going to start dating on their own and then leave without me. Wouldn’t that be cruel fate? I cheat with Frank, and then Chloe runs off with Max and I’m left here because of it. Honestly kind of fitting, I guess. Murphy, thou art a bitch.

If she could turn back time, she’d give anything to have never let that slimeball fucking touch her. She just hadn’t seen any alternatives at the time. She had to find some way to convince him to give, or at least loan, Chloe money for her truck. She needed connections, and they both needed to be able to get high to make the days somewhat bearable.

Things with Frank hadn’t even been fun. It was something she did because she felt she had to, and only after getting fucking plastered. And it definitely wasn’t worth the price she’d paid.

And honestly, if part of that price means she’s kinda stuck with Max for the foreseeable future, she’s kind of okay with that?

It’s weird, and it keeps making her brain itch.

Chloe’s shitty old truck makes its entrance on the winding road to Blackwell and Rachel springs to her feet, skipping down the steps. It’s crappy brakes squeal and she’s got the door open before it’s even stopped. Chloe gives her a bit of an odd look as she jumps in and onto the damp towel on the seat. “Hey Chloe.”

“Hey Rach,” Chloe gets back on the gas almost immediately, “You’re eager.”

“Always eager to get off of campus,” She flashes Chloe a quick smile before her face twitches. The smell of stale blood is gone, replaced by… is that salt water? “Hey, you cleaned her!”

“Yeah, I…” Chloe frowns, trailing off for a second in the same way she had this morning. Rachel’s guts twist as she watches the conflicted expression on her face. “David, like… helped? He made me a bunch of salt water, which got it done.”

“What?” Rachel blinks in confusion, the whole thing just doesn’t add up. David? Actually helping?

“It gets weirder, he actually made me a cup of coffee after.”

“Did he hit his head or something? Did the body snatchers get to him and replace him with a fucking pod person?”

Chloe shrugs, waving a hand in the air. “It’s more fucked up. He just started… telling me about his friend who died. Apparently he had to scrape his fucking brain out of their hummer or whatever after they got attacked. He told me he wasn’t even supposed to be fighting, he was just a fucking mechanic or something.”

“So he… tried to have a moment with you?” Rachel cocks her head to the side, carefully studying Chloe’s face. Her eyes are hard, her mouth slightly parted, her gestures wild and agitated. She’s clearly bewildered, confused, and more than a little upset. “Did he even ask first?”

“No!” Chloe slaps the steering wheel, baring her teeth, “He just starts dumping all this shit on me like I’m some kinda therapist and not the step-daughter he hits! Gee, thanks, asshole, I feel so much better about the last time you slapped me knowing that you got so bored in fucking Iraq or whatever that you stopped paying attention and got someone killed!”

“What a jackass. The least you can do is give someone some fucking warning before you tell them how you had to clean up when was left of your friend.”

“Seriously.” Chloe grunts, her hands moving to the radio and flicking on the local rock station.

Silence lapses over them. It’s tense, but everything has been tense since what happened with Max, and David definitely made it worse, but it’s a bit more comfortable than usual. She misses the days when the highlight was getting high with Chloe, talking about their future, and maybe having a little sex just for kicks. Those silences were relaxing and enjoyable, and she could just bask in them like a lizard under a heat lamp.

Just another thing she fucked up, and she doubts she’ll ever get it back. Maybe she’ll have some kind of comfortable silence with Chloe again, but it won’t be the same, and it’ll probably involve Max somehow.

Maybe they’ll get Max high some day, that’d be a treat.

“So, uh,” Chloe starts up again, jolting Rachel out of pleasant thoughts about Max giggling and marveling at textures, “About the other night…”

Holy shit, she actually wants to talk about it? “Yeah?”

“I just—” Chloe frowns, shaking her head for a moment before trying again, “I’m not, like… I’m…”

“Not taking me back?” Rachel offers, half hoping that Chloe will say otherwise. It’s a fool’s errand, though, and she knows it.

That gets a wince from Chloe, but also a nod. “I… Yeah. I’m still, like… I’m not hella pissed at you anymore, but…”

She nods along, Chloe’s words might as well be seared into her brain. “You can’t trust me after what I did.”

A long, loud sigh mixes with the pumping drums coming from the radio. “It’s not that I don’t want to, or that you’re not, like, doing better, I just… I don’t know.”

“You were stressed and freaked out, and you needed to feel something,” Rachel shrugs, trying to smother this conversation with a pillow, “I get it.”

“I guess, but I… I don’t know,” Chloe sighs again, rubbing her forehead with one hand and rolling her head from side to side, “I wasn’t just using you to feel something, okay? I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Rachel’s jaw clenches, her fingernails digging into the fabric covering her thighs. God dammit, Chloe, why do you have to be doing this right now? “Even if you were, I was fine with it. It’s not like I tried to stop you or didn’t want it.”

“I just— I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea, okay?”

“Okay, we’re friends who fooled around a little to relieve stress. Got it, crystal clear.” Rachel holds up her hands and tries to push down her feelings. It had been so easy to just not fucking think about it when she could think that Chloe just wanted to feel something. But of course Chloe would be overthinking it all and have to try and fucking talk about it.

For a moment it looks like Chloe’s about to open her mouth to talk again, but she thinks better of it and shrugs. “At least Max is done being in this stupid hospital.”

---

 

Chloe’s palms are sweaty as they walk down the hospital corridors. She’s not sure which is worse, hospitals or the principal’s office. Both suck. Both do nothing but fill her with dread and anger. At least Rachel knows the way to Max’s room. Her parents are sitting out in the hall, clipboards in hand, pens scribbling away. Rachel stops short, rubbing her hands together as she turns to Chloe, “Do you want some time alone with her? She’s gonna get swamped once we get back to the dorms.”

“Yeah, that’d be… Yeah. Thanks.” Chloe takes a deep breath. She’s had, what, maybe 10 minutes with Max since she woke up? Her throat tightens as she remembers watching her grey, clouded eyes frantically looking around the room as she realized she couldn’t see. After that, she’d basically just been there for the argument. Maybe she should have called her, but Max never liked phone calls to start with. That was part of the whole fucking problem with her moving to Seattle. Is Max going to be mad at her for not being there?

Rachel starts walking again, and Chloe steps out past her, giving Max’s parents a little wave. “Hey, Mr and Mrs C.”

Ryan looks up at her first, and he nods, “Max is waiting for you, she’s just about ready to go.”

“Cool,” Rachel nods back at him before gesturing to the door, “She’s all yours.”

Taking another breath, she steps through the door. Max is standing with her back to her, leaning against the hospital bed as she puts her arm through the sleeve of her hoodie. A white cane with a black rubber handle and bottom tip rests next to her. The door clicks shut behind her and Max turns around, her milky eyes moving in Chloe’s direction as she smiles. “Oh, hey, Chloe!”

“Uh, hey Max,” Chloe blinks in surprise, reaching up to rub the back of her neck. Max’s normally pale face looks fucking ghostly, her sightless eyes locking right onto Chloe, “How’d you know it was me? Is my personality just that magnetic?”

The smile grows wider and Max shrugs, “The heels on your boots are pretty loud, it’s really distinctive.”

“Oh, huh,” Chloe looks down at her boots, lifting one foot up to look at the block heels, “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Max grabs her cane and starts walking in Chloe’s direction, holding it out in front of her and tapping around while waving her other hand out in the air. Thack. Thack. Thack. “It’s so good to hear your voice again.”

“It’s, uh, good to see you too Max,” Chloe takes a step forward, feeling totally unsure and lost. Normally she wouldn’t think twice about helping Max with anything, but this feels different, “Do you need some help?”

Thack. Thack. Thack. Max’s legs seem to wobble as she gets closer, and Chloe has to fight the urge to just reach out and grab her. “Just stay right there.”

“Okay, standing right here.” Chloe stands stock still, watching Max’s look of concentration as she closes the final few paces. Her cane thumps against the toe of Chloe’s boot and Max stumbles forward, reaching out with both arms.

She crashes into Chloe, who has to take a step back as Max’s arms wrap around her and she leans against her in the hug. “There you are.”

“Whoa, uh, hey,” Chloe half mumbles as she wraps her arms back around Max, “Missed me much?”

“More than you can ever know,” Max’s arms lightly squeeze her as more and more of her weight leans into Chloe, “If I ever meet your boss, I’m going to hit him with my cane.”

“That would be the best fucking way to get fired,” Laughing, she holds Max tight to her, she can feel her trembling, “Are you okay? You’re shaking.”

Max takes a few deep breaths, turning her head and resting it on Chloe’s chest. “Yeah, just… feeling kinda weak. I didn’t eat for three days, remember?.”

Her heart starts beating faster, and she rubs her sweaty ass palms on Max’s hoodie, “Do you want to lay down or something? I can go get a wheelchair.”

“No! No, I’m fine right here, just give me a minute,” Max says softly, her hands making fists in Chloe’s tank top as she presses into her, “I’m right where I want to be right now.”

The room is suddenly way too hot, and her throat squeezes as she stands there, holding Max close to her. Sure, she’s hugged Max before. Hugged her a lot, actually. They had a ginormous hug when Max got back, followed by a big cry together, and before then they just hugged all the time like it was nothing. This hug feels different. It feels desperate, but there’s also something more? The way Max’s head is pressing down on her tits is definitely new, and she doesn’t know what to make of it. It’s not like she never had a crush on Max, but Chloe never would have imagined her having one back.

It’s probably not that. Max just fucking missed her while she was stuck in a hospital and Chloe was stuck at work.

“I’m so glad it was you I woke up to,” Max’s soft voice shatters the silence, her body gently rocking back and forth.

“Glad I could be there,” Chloe mumbles back, her mind spinning, “Wouldn’t want you to be scared, being all alone.”

That gets a little giggle out of Max, “Of course, how could I manage without a big strong punk there to protect me?”

It’s probably supposed to be an innocent little joke, but Chloe’s blood runs cold. How the fuck is Max going to be able to protect herself if she can’t see? All it would take is one chucklefuck sneaking up behind her and taking a swing and that’d be it, no more Max. One of the Vortex brojobs could put something in her drink and she’d never be able to notice, and get away if she noticed things going fuzzy in a party while blind? “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you. I promise. Okay?”

“Super Chloe, to the rescue,” Another giggle from Max lights up the room, “I feel safer already.”

Don’t fuck this up. No matter what. Chloe’s jaw clenches and her gut twists. “Good, I wouldn’t be your seeing-eye Chloe otherwise!”

Max starts laughing, but a knock on the door cuts it short, followed by Rachel opening the door and poking her head in. “Paperwork’s done, we can get going when you’re ready.”

“Can you two take a quick look around and make sure I didn’t miss anything?” Max asks as she hurriedly staggers out of Chloe’s arms, her face red, “Kinda hard to tell.”

“We’ve got it.” Chloe says, as firmly as she can to mask how fucking scared she is right now, “You don’t have to worry about anything.”

Chapter 6: Return

“You’re back!”

Strong arms grab Max, hauling her forward until her head crashes into a pair of large, pillowy breasts. She flails, struggling to get her balance before remembering the cane in her hand that might smack someone and letting herself rest against the chest. “Hey, Dana.”

Dana’s arms threaten to crack a rib as she squeezes Max, who has to stand on her tiptoes to keep touching the floor. “I was so scared for you, it’s good to see you up and walking around.”

“A lot of us were worried about you,” comes Kate’s soothing tone, “It’s great to have you back.”

“Good to be back,” Max murmurs, wondering if Dana is going to smother her to death with her boobs. She’s saved the girl and saved the town, only to be smothered by tits, not a bad way to go.

Dana lets her go, leaving Max to stagger forward, trying to get her footing again, her cane tapping against the ground. “You probably want to get settled back in, huh?”

“That was the plan.” Comes Chloe’s voice from right behind her, and Max reaches back for her to receive a steadying hand on her shoulder.

Rachel’s voice comes from her left, a little further back. There’s a hint of strain to it that immediately makes Max feel guilty for Chloe’s touch. “She’s had a rough couple of days. Maybe it’s best that we give her some quiet time.”

“For sure,” Max hears Dana stepping back, probably toward her dorm, “It’s just really good to see you again, Max. Let me know when you’re ready to hang, okay?”

“Sure thing, just a shame I can’t really make the movie night.” Max does her best to smile at Dana, or at least where she last heard her from. 

“Yeah, sure,” Dana’s voice is suddenly shaky and brittle, “We’ll figure something out, okay?”

A pang of loss sounds in Max’s chest. Her time with Dana had been very visual. Now that she can’t watch old horror movies or take her picture, she’s really only left talking with her, at least for the moment. How many other friendships are going to be like that?

Not that she had a lot of friendships in her original timeline, but who knows who this Max was close with beyond her usual circle?

“Your room is exactly how you left it,” comes Kate’s voice again, light as a feather and gentle as a warm towel, “Aside from the things Rachel took to the hospital.”

“Thanks. Now I just need to remember where everything is,” She taps her cane forward, slowly making her way toward her dorm. She’d lost the count she’d been keeping of her steps from before Dana’s sudden hug, but that wasn’t the end of the world with her seeing-eye-Chloe.

“I’ve got your back Max,” Chloe’s hand gives her shoulder a squeeze, before pressing on her to turn to the right, “I can help you find stuff.”

“Or tell me where they are.” Max says as her cane bumps against the door. She steps forward, feeling the hard surface of the door and finding her way to the lock. She’d struggled with it when she could see. Unlocking her door by touch was significantly more complicated, taking her three tries to slot her key into the lock by guiding it in with her finger.

Being back in her room again is… Well, she’s not sure how it feels anymore. It probably should have brought her some peace to be back in this place. She can’t remember the last time she just got to be in her dorm and relax. Before her last jump, it had all just been a jumble, fragments from the time stream smashing together as she desperately tried and tried again to find a way to fix everything.

And that last time…

A shudder runs through her body and her head throbs dangerously. The less she thinks about what she had to do to break into the time stream, the better.

At least it… smells the same? Her dorm never really had a smell to her, but it’s familiar at least, but she’s not even sure if Lisa is alive in this timeline. Who knows what else is different? Does she have the same mat on the floor? Does her guitar have the same stickers, the same light wood grain? Does she have the same pictures on her wall?

The thought stops her dead, her chest tightening as she turns to face toward her bed. She’ll never see those images. She’ll never know the collage that this version of her made to put up on her wall. What moments mattered to her? How was she different? Where and how had their lives diverged? She has no journal, no photographs, and no memories. She won’t be able to add to this Max’s legacy, there’s no way to carry her forward.

“You okay?” Chloe gently asks, her hand giving Max’s shoulder another gentle squeeze.

“I’m fine, just… It’s good to be back.” Max lies, her voice a soft rasp. It’s a dead giveaway to Chloe, and possibly Rachel, but neither comment as she picks her way forward, her cane tapping its way over to her couch. Chloe’s boots clomp along behind her, but her hand falls away.

Rachel speaks up as Max sits down. “If it’s all the same to you two, I have a bunch of homework to catch up on. I’ll catch you later.”

“Um, okay.” Max tilts her head at Rachel, furrowing her brow as she folds up her cane and sets it down in her lap. Why is she leaving me with Chloe like this? Unless she doesn’t think I’m a threat? Or maybe it’s just because I need some help and there’s no way she can talk Chloe out of it.

“Later,” Chloe says, sounding like she’s standing in the middle of the room as the door clicks shut, “Welcome home, Max.”

“Thanks.” Max swallows, leaning back in her little couch, her hands feeling over the rough yet soft fabric of the cushions. It had been a cheap pickup from Ikea on sale, hardly the fanciest thing in the world, yet right now, it might as well be a luxury resort compared to the hospital. Emotions swell in her as she shuffles over, feeling for her guitar. “I guess Rachel’s not jealous, then, huh?”

“She doesn’t get to be jealous.” Chloe snaps and Max’s throat tightens, her heart speeding up. “Besides, it’s not like she owns me. This is Max time right now, okay?”

Shit, did they have some kind of fight? Or… are they not even together anymore? Oh fuck, did I mess that up already? I hope Rachel didn’t catch on, I have no idea what I’d do if someone figured me out. “I could really use some Chloe time.”

“Fuck yeah you do!” The whole couch shakes as Chloe crashes into it. “I can’t fucking believe my boss, making me work when my best friend is in the hospital.”

I’m still her best friend, huh? Then what does that make Rachel? “I’m still down to hit him with my cane.”

“I dunno, that dude’s skull is pretty fucking thick, I think you’d snap your cane in half.” Chloe laughs, and Max shifts over on the couch to shimmy closer to her. What she wouldn’t give for a cuddle right now, or even a kiss if Rachel and Chloe aren’t actually together in this timeline.

I need to find a way to get their story again without it seeming too suspicious…

“I’ll just have to get some backups.” Max snorts, she can feel Chloe shifting on the couch, and then a hand brushes past her shoulders. She leans back and finds Chloe’s arm stretched out over the back of the couch behind her, and it’s hard to keep from smiling. “But I wanted to ask, how are you doing? I know this has been a lot.”

“How am I doing?” Chloe’s voice jumps up, “Shit, Max, how are you doing? I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now.”

“It’s… I mean I won’t say it’s been easy, but I’m taking it one day at a time, you know?” She shrugs and forces her frustration down. Okay, let’s try this again. “I’m just worried that this is being hard on you and Rachel.”

“Don’t even sweat it, dude. Like yeah, it was pretty fucking scary, but you’re still here and that’s what counts.”

God dammit Chloe, stop trying to make me not feel guilty. “Still, how are things with you and Rachel?”

That earns her a few moments of silence and a heavy sigh. “I… I don’t know. I’m still fucking pissed at her over what happened with Frank, but she seriously stepped up over the last week. Like, it was actually kinda fucking weird how protective of you she’s been. At first I thought it was just to make me happy, but I think it’s more than that. Some stuff happened, and I dunno what she’s told you, but it’s still the same as it was a week ago. I haven’t moved on from what she did, but my shit with Rachel is my shit with Rachel.

“So don’t worry about it, okay? It’s my crap, you’ve got enough to deal with already.” Chloe’s arm shifts, her hand finding its way to Max’s shoulder again and gives her a squeeze. “Like I said, this is Max and Chloe time, not Max listening to Chloe bitch about how messy things are with her ex time, alright?”

“Okay.” Max says softly, her throat tight and burning. It seemed like Rachel had still cheated on Chloe in this timeline. That would explain the breakup, and at least Chloe knows about it, but still. How could she do that to her? Did the old her have a talk with Rachel about that, or were they not that close? It’s dangerous waters for sure, and there’s probably no way for her to ask about it without tipping Rachel off.

What she does know, though, is that Chloe’s probably safe to cuddle – and probably a whole lot more besides that – and she’s not about to waste time not doing that. She leans in with the pull of Chloe’s arm, resting against Chloe’s side, the familiar smells of pot, cigarettes, and alcohol filling her nose.

A sigh escapes her lips as she curls up under Chloe’s arm. Now this feels like home.

---

 

It’s not like Chloe’s never cuddled with Max before. When they were kids, they were just kinda always touching each other. Movies turned into resting against each other, sleepovers in the same bed and camping in the same sleeping bag, nevermind sharing a tent. Back when they were kids, Chloe never really thought about it, it was just a fact of who they were. Max touched her and liked being touched by her, no big deal. When her preteens started rolling around, it was all she could think about. The warm and fuzzy feeling that bloomed in her whenever Max touched her arm or hugged her, the lightheadedness that came from Max resting her head in Chloe’s lap while Chloe stroked her thick hair.

Now? They definitely aren’t fucking kids anymore, that’s for sure. Chloe’s throat is dry as Max leans against her, humming softly to herself as they slip into a long, mostly comfortable silence.

Don’t get any fucking ideas, you perv. Chloe thinks to herself as she rests there, one arm around Max’s shoulders as minutes slide by, the other resting on the back of the couch while Max’s arms are around her waist. She’s fucking scared and trying to relax, just let her have this. Don’t be a fucking creep.

It’s not that Chloe’s opposed to it, far from it. They’d ended up cuddled on Max’s bed a few times watching movies after she got back, just like old times. But it had been different then. It still felt more like they were best friends and less like… this.

This cuddle is different, and she’s not sure if it’s the way Max’s hands are making fists in the fabric of her tank-top, the exact tone of the little noises Max keeps making periodically, or all the shit that’s happened.

If Chloe’s hormones could stop going nuts, she might even be able to figure exactly how it’s different, but she’s too much of a fucking perv for that.

Instead she just kind of sits there, stewing in thoughts about how much she wishes Max would reach up and kiss her. Anger flashes in her and she grits her teeth. Max is fucking blind now. Whenever the cuddle ends, she’s going to need Chloe’s help finding everything and arranging them so she can find them without fumbling around for an hour. She doesn’t need Chloe taking advantage of her being so vulnerable because she’s a mess.

And that’s not even getting into shit with Rachel. Sure, Chloe calls her an ex, but how many exes do you still hang out with every day? How many of them do you share a hotel bed with? How many of them do you fuck just to feel something other than pain?

She’s not sure if Rachel gave her the room alone with Max because she actually has homework, if she needs some time to herself after spending so much time caring for Max, or if she knows that Max isn’t going to make a move. Shit, she doesn’t even know if Rachel wants to get back with her, or if she wants that. Like, yeah, Rachel had said shit like that, but she says a lot of shit that ends up meaning fuck all.

Besides, does Max even know how different this cuddle feels? Or is she too fucked up and too tired to notice, and she just wants to hold Chloe like this because she’s familiar and she’s holding onto anything she can right now?

Chloe tries to imagine what she would do if she could trade places with Max. She’d be so turbo fucked. David would probably just constantly fuck with her, moving her shit around to try and find drugs or something, making fun of her, who knows. All her games, movies, and shows? Yeah, goodbye. She’d never get to jill off while watching Pris again, that’s for sure. All her pictures of dad? See ya never. Her truck, the one thing that offers her even the tiniest bit of freedom in this shithole? She’d have to ask Rachel or Max to drive her. Not that she isn’t happy to do that for Max, she is. She spent the past five years desperately wishing for time with Max, and now Max is going to need every second she can spare.

But Max never had a set of wheels.

She’d lost her camera, the most precious fucking thing in the world to her.

Honestly, Chloe would trade places with her in a heartbeat. If anyone deserves to have a pair of working eyes, it’s Max. At least she’d put them to good use.

She also doesn’t get how Max isn’t constantly crying about it. Maybe it’s just the calm before the storm, or whatever, but she knows she has to be hurting.

Max stirs, shifting to look up at her with her milky white eyes, the expression on her face seems content, but it just makes Max look like a porcelain doll.

She’s so light in her arms.

Every time Chloe blinks she can see the blood running in rivers down her face.

“Can I touch your face?”

Chloe snaps back to reality. “What?”

Max bites her lip, her eyes looking down and away from Chloe like she always does when she’s anxious. “Sorry, it probably sounds weird, but I can’t see your face, right? I just… I thought that if I felt it, maybe I could picture you smiling again.”

Chloe’s throat tightens, her heart pounding as she watches Max waiting for her response. Cuddling is one thing, but that? Breathy, nervous laughter bubbles out of her. “That’s one way to get your hand licked.”

“Ew, gross.” Max groans, rolling her eyes. “You can just say no, you dork.”

“I…” Chloe pauses, trying to piece it together in her head. She kinda gets it, yeah, Max wants to see her, but she can’t, so touch is like the next best thing, and it’s not like she doesn’t want to. But… “Fuck it, go for it.”

Max’s face lights up like the fourth of July, and that’s enough to get Chloe smiling herself as Max’s fingers gently brush over her cheeks. Her touch is so light, like Max is afraid of breaking her, and it makes Chloe’s breath hitch. When has anyone been so gentle with her? 

After a moment, Max’s fingers press in a little more, shifting up to her cheek bones, sliding around the side of her face. Her heart hammers against her ribs, her skin tingling under Max’s fingers as she moves up to her eyebrows, tracing over them and down her nose. There’s a moment of hesitation where Max’s fingers come to just above her lip, and Chloe’s breath catches in her throat.

It’s dumb, it’s not like she’s about to kiss Max or anything. Max is just… feeling her face. It’s not a kiss, but it sure as fuck feels like it’s in the same ballpark. Probably cheering for a home run from the dugout, or at least a double play.

Max’s fingers move down, tracing over the smile frozen on her face as they go before finally moving to her chin before Max’s hands move away. Her voice is soft, but she sounds happy and she looks hella relaxed. “Thank you, I really needed that.”

For some weird fucking reason Chloe aches to feel her fingers on her face again. “Any time, Maximum Touchy.”

Max shifts, stretching out without moving from Chloe’s lap. “I’ll ask for it.”

“Sure,” Chloe looks around the room. When did it get so fucking warm in here? “Maybe we should get to fixing your room, though.”

Max actually fucking pouts for a moment before sighing and sitting up. “Yeah, you’re right. We’ll start with my desk.”

---

 

Rachel sighs, stretching back in her chair and removing her headphones. She runs her fingers through her hair, pushing out a few errant tangles. Outside she can hear Max’s guitar twanging away across the hall, and Kate having a soft conversation with Alice through the wall. With the pile of homework that had been accumulating finished off, she’s got nothing left to distract herself from the fact that she had just left Max and Chloe alone in a room together for hours. It’s stupid, they’d been alone together plenty of times over the past month and she hadn’t been worried about it.

So why can’t she shake the mental image of them being arm in arm, or even locking lips?

It’s not like Chloe would make a move, especially not now, so it would have to be Max who went for it. A week ago, Rachel would have dismissed that idea out of hand. The Max from before the seizure was way too fucking timid, and as shitty as it was, it made her feel at least a little secure. But that Max is gone, it’s almost like she swapped places with a more confident version of herself, and any security she might have felt is gone with her. If anything, the idea of even trying to intimidate Max from making any kind of move just fills her with guilt.

The problem is that Max and Chloe getting together probably means Rachel’s more than likely left out in the cold, and then she’s up shit creek without a paddle. Or at least left having to unburn a lot of bridges with her dad, which is just about the last thing she wants to do.

How ironic is it that she’d all but lost the girl she’d gotten into all those fights with her dad over? Sure, it went the opposite way that James had expected, she’d been the one to break Chloe’s heart and get her into trouble, but it’s not like he’d ever buy that story. He’d judged a book by her 16-year-old cover and that was who Chloe was always going to be for him. Never mind that his home was just as broken, just with expensive furniture.

And that wasn’t even getting onto the topic of Max herself. Her newfound confidence, the way she’d stood up to her parents? Rachel has no idea how to feel about it. Like sure, it’s great to see her having a backbone, on the other hand, she hadn’t expected her to be made of such stern stuff. Not that it matters how attractive Max is, Rachel would have a better chance getting a date with Kate.

She’ll just have to crush those thoughts like a bug, while helping Max out, naturally. 

And there’s the big question mark about her seemingly forgetting that her and Chloe weren’t together. Maybe it was just a slip of the tongue, or confusion after whatever happened to her, but that doesn’t quite add up. Between that and the sudden confidence, it’s hard to shake the nagging thought that the Max across the hallway is a totally different Max than the one who climbed into the truck with them.

But that’s insane. People don’t just change personalities on a dime. Not without serious head trauma, and Max doesn’t really show any signs of that.

What the fuck is your game, Max? What are you up to?

A knock on her door snaps her out of her thoughts. She checks her phone, but there’s no texts announcing a visit. Confused, she turns to shout at the door. “Who is it?”

“It’s me.”

Rachel jumps to her feet, surprised to hear the voice. She opens her door and quickly checks the hall to make sure it’s clear. It is. “Oh, hey, Nat, what’s up?”

Natalie shrugs, a grimace on her morose features as she runs her fingers through her short cropped hair. She’s dressed in her usual jeans and varsity jacket, a getup that Rachel knows she hates but at least she can hide herself in. “Hey Rach, I got that braille keyboard you asked for.”

“Seriously? That was quick. Come on in.” Rachel steps back, letting Natalie into her room and closing the door behind her.

“How’re you doing? How’s Max?” Natalie asks as she stands in the middle of Rachel’s dorm, looking about as lost as she normally does.

“I’m tired. Max is… adjusting.” Rachel shrugs as Natalie pulls out a little box from her backpack. “She hasn’t had a big freakout yet, so I’m just kind of waiting for that shoe to drop.”

“So I should keep my distance?” Natalie asks, looking like Rachel just told her she couldn’t have a puppy for Christmas.

Rachel’s throat tightens. It’s not that she wants to keep Natalie away from Max, she's one of the few people Natalie trusts with herself. A week ago, she would have ushered Max into her room, but there’s no telling what else has changed with Max and that’s not a chance she’s willing to take right now. Natalie needs people to comfort her right now, not lean on her. “Probably. I know you trust her, but she’s got a lot on her plate right now. I’m sure she’ll appreciate the keyboard extension so she can start using her phone again, but she’s relearning to read right now, and we don’t even know what Wells is going to do.”

She watches as those pale blue eyes sag, as she reaches into her backpack and pulls out the small box. “Yeah, she probably doesn’t need to deal with my shit right now.”

Her throat burns and her chest aches as she guides Natalie to her couch, gently taking the box from her hand. “Hey, I’m here, you can always talk to me. I guess your dad made you get your hair cut, huh?”

Natalie slumps down onto Rachel’s couch, looking like she wants to crawl into a hole and die. “Yeah, I fucking hate it. Every time I try to say no he hangs college and everything else over my head.”

“Did you want to get into some of your clothes?” Rachel offers as she sits down next to her, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Natalie doesn’t move away from the contact, but her leg starts bouncing up and down like a jackhammer. “I don’t know if I have the time.”

“I don’t have to do your makeup, but maybe wearing something nice will cheer you up for a little bit?”

There’s a few moments of silence, before a ghost of a smile graces Natalie’s face, and Rachel lets go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Yeah, okay. Just for a little bit.”

“Would you like your skirt or the dress?”

Notes:

Oh hi Natalie, time to update my tags, huh?

Chapter 7: Ultimatum

The clock on the wall ticks away, only adding to Max’s mounting nerves as she sits in a hard plastic chair opposite principal Wells. His breathing is characteristically heavy, and the leather of his chair groans and cracks as he shifts. A weighty silence hangs in the air. Sure, she’d been able to stand up to her parents to even make it this far. Having Rachel there and the promise of Chloe on her way had helped steel her resolve. 

But now she’s alone in the room with the one man who can give or take away the future she’d torn time apart to get. No tricks this time, she can’t just surprise him with a sudden backbone and she’s got no rewind. She just needs to convince him to let her stay even though she physically can’t continue the program she got a scholarship for.

It doesn’t help that neither of them seem to know who has to speak first. After helping her sit down in the chair, he’s just been sitting at his desk.

“Thanks for meeting with me.” She starts, hoping that taking the first step will earn her some brownie points. Her voice is back to its usual anxious rasp, despite everything she’s seen and done to get here. It’s frustrating, but maybe it’s what she needs with him.

“I know this has been a difficult time for you.” His deep voice rumbles, heavy with gravitas and every bit the administrator. His chair creaks as he moves, probably leaning back given how the pitch of his voice shifts, “How have you been adjusting?”

A smile pushes its way onto her face. It probably seems like she’s trying to put him at ease, but really she’s struggling to keep from laughing. How many times had she tried and failed to save everyone? How many horrible things had she done to even get here? She’d stopped counting a long time ago. Losing her sight is a pretty small price to pay, all things considered. “I’m… managing.”

“So I’ve heard. I’m surprised that you returned to campus so soon, given your ordeal.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” She tries to channel a little of Rachel and turn up her smile, but immediately gives up. She probably looks like a serial killer smiling with all teeth and no eyes.

“Are you sure that you wouldn’t rather be at home recovering?” The chair creaks again, the sound of his voice coming closer. There’s a gentle thump-thump that’s probably his elbows coming to rest on his desk.

“No!” Max blurts out way too quickly. She winces and swallows down her rising panic. “I mean, I just don’t have the same support there—”

“Surely, your parents—”

“They don’t know braille. Kate’s been teaching me.” The words hurry out, desperate to cut him off. “And Rachel’s been helping me get around.”

“I’m aware that Ms. Marsh has been making every effort to assist you, as has Ms. Amber.” Wells’ tone shifts to something slightly softer, but not losing the note of stern administrator. “That’s not what’s at issue today.”

“At issue?” She asks, her heart clenching. It’s already going wrong. How is it already going wrong? “There’s nothing at issue, principal Wells. I’m here, I want to learn, and I’ve got people who can help me.”

“I’m afraid that your continued enrollment at this academy is precisely what’s at issue today.” He says, his tone severe and final. “Whatever support you have can’t get around the very regrettable fact that you’re unable to continue in your program, Ms. Caulfield.”

“I know that,” It’s a struggle to keep from shouting that at him, maybe it’s one she should have lost but the ice she’s on is so thin right now that she can hear it cracking, “But I could find another program, one where I don’t have to see! It’s not like I need eyes to play music, or, or—”

“Ms. Caulfield.” Principal Wells takes a deep breath and Max can practically imagine him holding up a hand for silence. “I understand your desire to stay at this academy, and I don’t want to lose you as a student. You’re clearly artistically gifted and passionate. You’re correct that there are other programs you could attend, if you were so inclined and the programs decided to accept you. I have no doubt that you could succeed elsewhere in this academy. That’s not the problem.”

“Then what is?” She asks with a shaky breath.

“We cannot afford your continued enrollment at this academy.”

Money. Of fucking course it’s money. That’s all this sleazy bastard cares about. Does he still have that fat stack lurking in his drawer? She’s so tempted to ask and find out. It’s just a shame she wouldn’t be able to see his face. When hasn’t money been an issue for her? Oh, Max, we can’t afford that camera, it’s too expensive. Oh, Max, we can’t afford that much film, it’s so expensive, wouldn’t you prefer this cheap digital camera that’s got a terrible sensor and color calibration? Oh, Max, we can’t afford to stay in Arcadia Bay, we need to move to the big city where we can get better jobs after the bank stole our fucking house and the only life you’ve ever known. You can see Chloe never, so why bother writing to her or staying in touch?

Tears prickle at the corner of her eyes.

“What do you mean?” She asks through clenched teeth. Why even bother hiding her anger? “How am I any more expensive now?”

“Do you know how expensive a braille textbook is, Ms. Caulfield?”

Her breath catches in her throat. “W-what?”

“We don’t have any, and we don’t have the funding for them.” Principal Wells’ voice loses all of its authority. He actually sounds sad, which does nothing for Max’s anger. “We use different chapters from most of our textbooks than the public system, so we’re unable to simply use their copies. Instead we’d have to get them custom ordered.”

“How much does that cost?” She asks hurriedly, maybe she could convince—

“A single textbook costs in the range of $15,000.” The words bring everything to a screeching, sickening halt. Her anger drains away. It’s so much fucking money. An insurmountable amount. If she had her powers she could game the stock market or rob banks.

Instead she’s just screwed.

Dead in the water.

Up shit creek without a paddle.

Max is crying now. She doesn’t even bother hiding it. She’d fought so hard, done so much. She’d torn apart time, watched people she loved and cared about die over and over, she’d even killed a few people to try and unfuck reality.

Now she’s stuck just before the finish line because of cold, hard cash.

Chloe’s alive, Kate’s alive, hell, even Rachel is alive and her friend. Everyone gets to live, there’s no storm, no missing girl, no murders in the bathroom by a psycho rich kid.

But Max won’t get to enjoy it.

She’ll get shuffled off to another state where her mom can spend the rest of her life babying her and keeping her cooped up because ‘oh, you’re my poor helpless blind baby, not only does your brain mean you’ll never be a grown up to me, but now you can’t see or fend for yourself!’

Her throat turns to acid and she has to fight down the rising bile.

Of course she’s not getting off so easily by just being blind. What is losing her life’s passion and her art compared to keeping Chloe alive and happy?

Maybe Chloe could follow her to Seattle, but that’s probably not going to happen, not if her mom has any say about it, never mind Rachel. And then there’s Kate… she’s going to be so heartbroken about this.

“I am sorry—”

“Whatever.” The words come out on their own as she gets to her feet and unfolds her cane. “I get the message.”

“Ms. Caulfield, let me—”

She doesn’t wait to let him offer his bullshit help, she turns and starts storming off toward the door, practically slamming her cane against the floor as she moves. She misses a chair just to her left, her foot snagging on it.

She staggers forward, arms flailing as her forehead collides with something wooden.

---

 

“Rachel Amber to the Nurse’s Office. Rachel Amber to the Nurse’s Office.”

Rachel’s stomach drops as the PA crackles and cuts off. Every eye in the drama room turns to her as she jumps to her feet, lines forgotten. At least Mr. Keaton doesn’t make a fuss as she grabs her bag and bolts for the door. There’s only one reason they’re calling her there, and that’s because Max got hurt and asked for her.

But why her and not Kate? And how the hell could she have gotten hurt in Well’s office?

She flies down the stairs and across the hall, the soles of her sneakers squeaking as she comes to a dead stop in front of the door to the Nurse’s Office. The handle is heavy under her hand as she pushes it down and pulls the big fire door open. Her eyes land on Max, sitting in a chair with a lump on her forehead, red eyes, and tear stains running down her cheeks.

Rachel has to restrain herself from swearing as she steps inside, closing the door behind her. “What happened?”

“Ms. Amber is here, Max.” Says the nurse, standing off to one side.

“I can hear that.” Max grumbles, pushing up to her feet.

The nurse looks over at Rachel and shrugs. “She’ll get you back to your dorm.”

“Is anyone going to answer my question?” Rachel asks, her voice jumping up a register. Whatever happened in Well’s office, it was fucking bad.

“What do you think happened?” Max’s cloudy eyes stare at her like she’s trying to bore through her soul, but her voice is just shattered. “I have to go back to Seattle.”

Rachel’s chest tightens as she stares at Max, who pulls out her cane with an angry jerk. “What? Why?”

“Not here, please,” the nurse gestures toward the door, “Get her back to her dorm. She hit her head pretty badly and she needs to rest”

“I’m going.” Max snaps, her cane tapping against the floor as she starts walking toward Rachel.

Stepping back out of her way, Rachel holds the door while Max stomps through it, tears still flowing down her face. Letting go of the door, she falls in next to Max as they walk to the front doors. The moment they’re outside, Max stops and just screams out an almighty “FUCK!”

Birds take flight from the fountain and the trees as Max staggers to one side and Rachel catches her, lightly holding her by the arm as Max starts to sob. “Max?”

“It’s fucking textbooks!” Max chokes out as she leans against Rachel, who shifts her grip to hold her around the shoulders. “He’s kicking me out over fucking textbooks.”

“What? Why would he kick you out over textbooks?”

“Because it’s, like, 15 thousand dollars just for one.” The words come out as a quiet whimper as Max’s hands make fists in Rachel’s flannel. The Max who had gotten into a shouting match with her parents is just gone, a glance at her face just shows a look of total defeat. Her shoulders sag, her clouded eyes pointing at the ground. “There’s no way my parents could afford that, and it’s not like I can just rob a bank.”

Rachel’s throat burns with rage. Max has, what, six classes with a textbook? 90 thousand dollars, just for books. “Why the fuck do they cost so much?”

“Because fuck blind people, I guess.”

Fury clouds her mind for long moments, her free hand balling up into a fix and her teeth clenching. This whole thing is comically insane. Kicking Max out because the books she needs are expensive ? First there’s no ramps or elevators, now this? It’s like Blackwell actually hates disabled people. She chokes down her rage for the moment. Max doesn’t need that, she needs something to keep her moving and get her to her dorm. “Come on, let’s get you back to your dorm, we wouldn’t want Victoria seeing you like this, huh?”

Max actually rolls her eyes at that, a ghost of a smile on her face. “Like I give a shit if Victoria thinks I’m a mess.”

“I’m pretty sure she’s way ahead of you on that, but let’s not give her the satisfaction of seeing it.” Rachel snorts as she helps Max along, half carrying her toward the stairs leading to the dorms. “She’d make a whole production out of it.”

“She makes a whole production out of everything. How big of a party do you think she’ll throw when I leave?”

“I think most of the Vortex Club would smack her upside the head if she tried.” Rachel grins at the thought. That would be the mother of all the ways to overplay her hand, and there’s no way Natalie would stand for it.

Natalie.

An idea starts to dawn. It’s a total fucking long shot, though, her best bet is still leaning on Wells.

“What happened to your head, anyways?”

Max shrugs as she starts moving more under her own power as they reach the stairs, her cane tapping away. Not that she lets go of Rachel’s shirt, and considering the circumstances she’s not about to complain. “I tripped while trying to storm out of Wells’ office. So much for making a statement.”

Rachel stiffles a giggle as she pictures Max trying to storm out of anything. “I’m sure it left one hell of an impression though.”

“Yeah, on my forehead.” Max groans as they start walking the path to the dorms. “I must have looked like such an idiot.”

“A cute idiot, maybe. But I don’t know about the idiot part.” Rachel says with a teasing smile. Even if Max can’t see it, she can probably hear it, and she needs some cheering up.

Sure enough, a flush blossoms on Max’s cheeks as she hurriedly turns her face away. “You’re just saying that.”

A real smile asserts itself on Rachel’s face as they reach the doors to the dorms. “Nah, I call ‘em like I see ‘em.”

“Lucky you.” Max says softly and Rachel freezes up, immediately mortified.

“Shit, Max, I’m so s—”

Max looks up at her with a shit eating grin and starts to giggle. “Got you.”

Relief floods Rachel as she laughs with her. “Wow, fuck you Caul-fiend! I go all this way to walk you to your dorm and you just nail me, huh?”

“Boom, headshot.” Max snickers as they reach the front of the dorms. “Down goes Amber.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with Chloe,” Rachel laughs as she holds the door open. “Do you think you can make it back to your dorm? I need to give Wells a piece of my mind.”

Max pauses, staring at her with her milky eyes like she can’t believe her ears. “Really? You’d do that?”

“And let him kick you out after all the shit you already went through with your parents? Hella fat chance.”

“… Thank you.” Max says, her voice low and earnest as she quickly grabs Rachel in a fierce hug. “Thank you so much.”

Rachel stands there for a moment, stunned into silence as Max tries to crush her ribs and buries her face in her neck. She’s about to do this, march into Well’s office and probably get into a screaming match over Max Caulfield . Maybe she’s starting to see what Chloe sees in her now, even if she can’t put her finger on what exactly that is. It definitely feels like it’s in the same ballpark, at the very least. Not that Chloe was any good at articulating what that ever was when Rachel managed to pin her down for some truth or dare. “Don’t thank me yet, I might just get both of us kicked out.”

“Something tells me that Chloe won’t complain if you manage that.” Max sniffles as she pulls back from Rachel and starts heading to the stairs. “Talk later?”

Rachel’s voice is suddenly tight and she has to struggle to keep her composure as she calls back. “You bet. You get some rest and I’ll come find you tonight. I’ve got a present for you.”

When the doors close, she pops the cork on all of the rage she’d been holding in for Max’s sake and turns on her heel. The walk back to the main building is a total blur as she struggles not to grab something heavy with which to smack Wells over the head. Kicking someone out over fucking textbooks? There’s low, and then there’s this.

She spots Natalie and Kate standing by the doors, on opposite sides. Natalie is averting her gaze from Kate, who is giving her a skeptical look. They both snap their focus to Rachel as she approaches. Kate’s the one to step forward and pipes up. “Why did you get called to the nurse’s office? What happened? Is Max okay?”

“Wells is trying to kick her out. Come on.” She doesn’t stop to explain, instead she throws the doors open as Natalie turns to come with and Kate scurries to keep up.

“What do you mean he’s kicking her out?” Kate squeaks as she hurries along behind her. “How could he do that to her?”

“It’s not over yet.” Rachel slams open the office door, and the receptionist gets up to say something. She ignores him and throws open the door to the principal’s office. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Principal Wells gives her a dirty look as he holds a phone to his ear. “I’m sorry, it looks like I’ll have to call you back.”

Kate and Natalie shuffle in behind her as Rachel storms up to the desk. “Yeah, you’re busy right now.”

Principal Wells takes his sweet time placing the phone back on the receiver, squares his shoulders to them and raises his eyebrows. “Ms. Marsh, Mr. Prescott, did Ms. Amber drag you into this as well?”

“She told us that you’re kicking Max out.” Kate’s voice is barely above a whisper. Poor thing has probably never stood up to an authority figure in her life before.

“Yeah, over fucking textbooks .” Rachel practically spits the word as she stares down at Wells. “Because they’re expensive.”

“What, really?” Kate’s voice finds its strength. “You’d really kick her out because of that?”

“It’s not my preference to —”

“So then don’t!” Rachel snaps, her hands balling into fists as she struggles to keep any kind of composure. “She has just as much of a right to be here as any of us do.”

Principal Wells leans back in his chair, giving Rachel the look she’s learned to hate the most. The look of ‘you naive child, you have no idea what you’re talking about’. “Since Ms. Caulfield has told you what’s happening, and why, has she told you how much those textbooks would cost?”

“She told me, yes.”

“And have you told your compatriots here?”

“H-how much are they?” Kate’s voice is a high warble.

“About 90 thousand in total,” Rachel says flatly, “If my math is right.”

Natalie sucks in air through her teeth and Kate lets out a little gasp. Principal Wells nods and steeples his fingers above his desk. “Exactly. It brings me no pleasure to have to bring Ms. Caulfield’s time at our academy to an end, but I don’t—”

“You always have a choice.” Rachel snaps, her fists trembling, “You just don’t want to make this one.”

“And which teachers should I let go in order to allow Max to stay at Blackwell, Ms. Amber?” Principal Wells asks, his voice low and cold. “What clubs should we suspend? How many scholarships should I cancel for next year? Mr. Prescott’s father is very generous, but I wonder how he’d feel about his generosity being focused on one particular student who is no longer capable of pursuing her chosen field, and at the expense of other bright young minds?”

The words hit Rachel like the ocean in January, her rage draining away to nothing as she sees the impossibility of Wells simply letting Max stay.

“We could fundraise.” Kate steps up next to Rachel, her voice bright and clear. “At least give us a chance to try and get the money for Max.”

“I have no issue with that.” Principal Wells nods, his shoulders relaxing and something like relief in his eyes. “As I said, it’s not my preference to end her time at our academy, but right now we simply can’t afford it.”

“I’ll talk to my dad,” Natalie says softly, and the words make Rachel wince. She’ll probably have to do the same thing too, and it’s not going to be pleasant for either of them. “See if he’ll at least match donations.”

“And we can get the Vortex club involved,” Rachel nods, trying to figure out how she’s going to twist Victoria’s arm to get to play along with this, “Throw something with proceeds going to Max.”

“Then that settles it.” Principal Wells nods, looking thoughtful as he stares at each of them in turn. “I can’t allow Ms. Caulfield to stay here while not attending classes indefinitely, she still needs an education. But I can give you a few weeks. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a phone call to make.”

---

 

Chloe’s gut is in a tense knot as she sits behind the wheel of her truck. Every time she checks her phone, the text from Rachel is the exact same. ‘Meet me in the junkyard after work’. As if she has any right to even be here after what she did. Part of Chloe really fucking wants to yell at her over it, just chew her out and go see what Max is doing. Except she can’t exactly text Max, and Max was never any good at phone calls.

It’s not too late. She thinks to herself as she stares at the gate. It catches the waning autumn sun, burning in the light. I can still just go do anything other than this.

Except Rachel wouldn’t have asked her to come here if it wasn’t important. Chloe should scream at her for pulling on her emotions like this, picking their old place where they’d used to run away together. Rachel had ruined it, she’d ruined just about everything and yet Chloe couldn’t quit her for some stupid reason.

I wonder if Dad would be disappointed in me for not just bailing on her the moment I learned she’d cheated on me? I can almost hear him trying to tell me that I don’t need to keep someone who hurts me.

And yet… Rachel hadn’t just hurt her. She’d kept her breathing and moving, given her happiness when everything else in her life had gone to shit. It hurts to think about what might have happened to her if she’d never met her, how far down she might have fallen.

She throws open the door to her truck and jumps out into the cooling air, pulling her leather jacket tight to her body. The junkyard hasn’t changed a bit, and she could navigate the whole thing by heart if she really had to. The mud squelches under her boots as she walks, and an owl hoots off in the distance, hidden in the long evening shadows. Soft indie music and the reek of skunk weed drift on the air. Rachel crying o’clock.

What’s going on now? Chloe sighs and closes her eyes. Not too late to turn around and go see Max.

Her feet carry her forward to the concrete shack that had once been their clubhouse and love nest. Turning the corner, she finds Rachel stretched out across a bench, looking like a lazy cat in a sunbeam, except her eyes are red and puffy, not bloodshot by the joint slowly smoldering in the ashtray. Rachel jerks up, her head snapping to Chloe. “Oh, hey, you’re here!”

“What… happened?” Chloe asks, folding her arms over her chest as she stands in the doorway. It’s hard not to just run over to Rachel and comfort her, but now’s not the time.

“Wells is going to send Max back to Seattle unless we can raise 90k for her textbooks.” Rachel says in a hoarse, defeated voice.

Chloe’s heart stops. “He’s what ? Why didn’t you just text me? Why the fuck did you call me here ?”

“Because I needed to talk to you and not have you run screaming into Max’s dorm.” Rachel rubbed her temples as she fully sat up, “Plus I scored and I figured you could use a hit.”

The joint is really fucking tempting, but Chloe doesn’t budge. “Why the fuck shouldn’t I go to Max’s?”

“Because she hit her head—”

“She fucking what? Holy shit Rachel, any more bombs you want to drop on me? Is she okay? Is she back in the fucking hospital?”

Rachel glares daggers at her as she plucks the joint out the ashtray and holds it up to her lips. “Do you seriously think I wouldn’t have called you if she’d ended up in the hospital again?”

“Not the fucking point, Amber.”

“She’s fine, a little dazed. Dana told me that she’d passed out when she checked up on her between classes.” Rachel takes a shallow drag from the joint and lazily puffs out a smoke cloud before holding it out to her. “And Max isn’t here because I don’t want to get her hopes up if this is all a fucking pipe dream.”

Chloe stares at the joint before scowling, taking a step forward and plucking it from Rachel’s hands. “What’s a pipe dream? How are you going to get that much fucking money, rob a bank?”

“Funnily enough, Max said that wasn’t an option.” Rachel snorts, a grin creeping onto her face as Chloe starts toking up on her joint. “No, I’m going to call in every fucking favour I’ve got. The club is going to fundraise, Kate’s going to get her congregation involved, Nat’s going to call her fucking dad…”

“Shit, seriously?” Chloe scoffs, smoke billowing out from her mouth as her brain starts to get pleasantly fuzzy. “Next you’ll tell me that Victoria’s going to pitch in.”

“She’s not going to have a fucking choice.” Rachel holds her hand out for the joint and Chloe hands it back, her feet finding her way over to the other bench next to their spool-turned-table. “Little Ms. Chase is going to behave herself and help fundraise, or she’s going to be out on her ass from the club.”

“And what are you going to do? Why am I here?”

“Because,” Rachel holds up a hand, the other bringing the joint to her mouth, “I’m going to call my dad too.”

“Why are you doing this?” Skepticism creeps over Chloe’s scalp as Rachel takes a long puff off the joint. “Like helping Max with her parents, fine. But trying to raise that much fucking money? Calling your dad?”

Rachel freezes, looking more unsure that Chloe’s ever seen her. “Because… Because I’m not about to let this fucking school kick her out for being fucking blind . Because she’s my friend and I don’t want to sit around and do fucking nothing while she’s getting a hella raw deal. Because… I’m trying to be a better fucking person, okay?”

Chloe stares at her. Sure, they’re good words, all of them are, and they feel real, but she’s known Rachel for long enough that there’s something she’s not sharing. Something from this is missing. “Are you doing this to make it up to me?”

Rachel stares at her like a deer in the headlights, her hand holding the joint starts trembling. A year ago, seeing Rachel like this would have broken Chloe’s heart in half, but right now? After eight hours of sitting around doing not much of anything beyond dealing with the occasional dumbass or trucker buying smokes? After being cheated on and everything else? It only kinda makes her feel like shit as Rachel crumples like a crash test dummy hit by an SUV. “… Yes. Fuck. Yeah, okay. I’m doing this because I know how fucking much Max means to you and I’m not going to let Wells just take her away, okay? Not without putting up one hell of a fight.”

Chloe’s throat tightens as she reaches over to take the joint away before Rachel accidentally burns herself or drops it. It hurts to watch the tears start rolling down Rachel’s cheeks again, and she reaches out to brush them away with a thumb. Well, she tries to, at least, all she really manages to do is smear the tears and Rachel’s makeup around a bit before pulling back and taking a quick toke. There’s still something that feels like it’s missing. “Really?”

“Yes.” Rachel chokes out, hugging herself and curling up on the bench. “If you two want to run the fuck away together, fine, but I’m not going to—”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Chloe half laughs, rolling her eyes. “Running away with Max? Are you kidding me?”

The razor sharp look from Rachel tells her that she is not, in fact, kidding. “Sometimes I’m amazed at how hella dense you are.”

Chloe’s throat tightens. Like, sure, Max is cute as shit, and if for some crazy reason she’d asked her before everything she would have said yes. Now though? When she’s so vulnerable and needs Chloe to get around town? “We’re best friends, cool it. Are you actually fucking jealous of Max right now?”

“What? No!” Rachel glares at her, shaking her head and wiping away her own tears. “I’m just— Look, if I fuck this up, Max is gone, okay? I need your help. I need to call my dad and I can’t do that on my own.”

“So what, you call your dad, he kicks some money in, and that’s it?”

“Hopefully, but you know my dad. There’s going to be hella strings.” Rachel sighs and pulls out her phone, holding it like a venomous snake. “But we need everything we can get, and there’s no guarantee he’ll play along.”

Chloe takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, trying to let her brain catch the fuck up. Max is on the verge of getting sent back to Seattle, like it or not. And Rachel is actually fucking helping. She’d already been getting weirdly protective, but this? Wrangling Victoria and going to bat with her dad for Max? That’s going fucking above and beyond. If Rachel was looking for a way to make it up to Chloe, this is a slam dunk. “I could… talk to Joyce, try and get something going through the Two Whales?”

“It takes a village.” Rachel mumbles. “Let’s get this over with. You know the drill.”

“Shut up and be here. Yup.” Chloe shrugs, taking another toke and closing her eyes as Rachel places the call.

The phone rings once.

Twice.

Three times.

“Hello? Rachel?”

“Hey… dad.” Rachel’s voice is soft, but Chloe can hear how brittle and furious she is.

“This is… unexpected.” Comes James’ slimy ass lawyer voice. It’s actually impressive how skeezy he is over the phone. “Did something happen? Are you in trouble?”

“It’s not me—”

“What, is Chloe in trouble? Because I’m not—”

Chloe grits her teeth and opens her eyes to see Rachel’s exasperated eye roll.

“Chloe’s fine! She’s got a job, and she’s doing fine, okay? This isn’t like that.”

“Then what do you want, Rachel? Don’t pretend this is a courtesy call.”

Rachel takes a deep, shuddering breath. “Okay. You know Max Caulfield, right?”

“The girl that suddenly went blind? It’s been all over the papers. Do you know her?”

“Yeah, we’re… friends. I was in the truck with her when it happened and spent a few days in the hospital helping her out.”

“The truck? So what, is she a friend of Chloe?”

Rachel rolls her eyes at Chloe and mimes blowing her brains out with a gun. “Yeah, they were best friends when they were kids, Dad. Max moved away right when Chloe’s dad died. Anyways, that’s not important.”

“I think that’s pretty germane to the topic at hand, Rachel. I thought I told you—”

“She’s nothing like Chloe, Dad! They’re total opposites, she’s this shy little thing, wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“Is that true? Can Chloe confirm that for me?”

“Dad—”

“She’s there, isn’t she? I can tell you’re on speaker phone.”

“Yo,” Chloe says with a shrug, “Hey Mr. A. I can confirm that Max is a shy little hipster. Straighter edge than a razor. Wouldn’t even drink if you tried to make her.”

“So what about her, does she need help with medical bills?”

“No. I mean probably but that’s not important.” Rachel massages her temple with one hand. “Blackwell is going to kick her out instead of buying her braille textbooks.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line. “Really? Raymond is going to let a student go because she suddenly has a disability? I thought he was more reasonable than that.”

“They’re really expensive textbooks, Dad. Like out of state college education expensive. Apparently that’s just how things are for blind students.”

“So what, does Max need a disability lawyer? I know someone who practices in Portland—”

Chloe and Rachel stare wide eyed at each other. Chloe mouths to Rachel ‘Wait, they have those?’

Rachel can only shrug to her. “We wanted to try fundraising first. Even if Max won a lawsuit, she’s going to be missing out on her education in the meantime, right?”

“Hm. So you’re asking me to put money in, right?”

“Sure, maybe you could also ask around, get some people to kick something in. Nat-Nathan is calling his dad to get him to do the same. I’m going to be getting the clubs at school to help too.”

There’s a long stretch of silence on the other end of the line. “And who’ll be handling the money?”

“Kate Marsh, she’s a friend of Max’s at the school.”

“Little Christian girl,” Chloe chimes in, “Straightest arrow you’ve ever met. We won’t touch a penny, promise.”

There’s another stretch of silence on the other end of the line, but Chloe’s pretty sure she can make out Rose’s voice over the background noise. “The cause is good. Alright, I’ll help, but only once I’ve heard from this Kate person.”

“I’ll put you in touch, tha—”

“And I expect to see you at Sunday dinners for the rest of the year, Rachel. And you’re to be sober . I’d also like to meet Max at least once.”

There it is. The big fat fucking strings. Rachel visibly winces, and Chloe knows damn well why she’s not invited. For a moment, Chloe expects Rachel to tell James exactly where he can shove his family dinners. “Fine. I’ll see you after the fundraiser is a success.” Rachel hits the end call button and screams out a loud “Fuck!” that leaves Chloe’s ears ringing.

“Ow, small space!” Chloe puts the roach in the ashtray and rubs her ears.

“That slimy two faced bastard,” Rachel seethes, looking just about ready to murder, “He saw his fucking chance and he took it. And he wants me to be fucking sober for his shitty ‘let’s all pretend to be a family’ bullshit?”

“You know he’s only doing this because it’ll help him get re-elected, right?”

“Of fucking course I do! It’s all he fucking cares about!” Rachel scoots across the bench to be closer to Chloe, who wraps an arm around her shoulders. “I mean, it’s not like I can score anything good anyway, but still, it’s about the fucking principle of it.”

“I mean, you need to show up sober, nobody said anything about staying sober.” Chloe grins and Rachel grins back at her.

“I like the way you think, Price. Hold me for a while?”

“Sure. If you’re going to save Max’s ass, I can hold you for a bit.”

Notes:

Hey everyone, sorry about the wait. As I've said before in the author's notes of a few of my stories, I've got a concussion and it's been getting a lot worse lately due mostly to work related factors, so updates are going to be far and few between for a while. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Chapter 8: Memories

“It is 7:30am!” 

“Way too cheery,” Max croaks at her phone as her morning playlist starts up. She gropes around, trying to orient herself in her bed. Her head is pounding. She licks her dry lips and sits up, pushing off the covers.

Crap, where do I keep Lisa’s water? She wonders as she rolls out of bed. Getting on her knees, she starts probing with her hands, slowly making her way over to her desk.

The back of her hand smacks the water bottle, knocking it over. “Shit,” She mutters as she grabs it and sits down on the floor. The cap comes off easily enough and she takes a deep drink. It’s gross and stale, but she doesn’t care. She’s fucked already. “Sorry Lisa, I’m taking your water and we’re going to have to move you again. I’m such a bad plant mom.”

A little giggle slips out. She’s let this poor plant die in so many ways. Neglect, fire, the storm. It was all worth it for Chloe. She’s so much worse than a bad mom. Or at least, she was. There’s no rewind anymore. No get out of jail free card. Just like Kate on the rooftop, except she won’t have to hear the sickening crunch of cranium meeting concrete. At least she’d only fucked that one up once. Everything else…

Everything she fought so hard for, all the things she said and did to save Chloe, all of it undone by some stupid spreadsheet somewhere that just said fuck disabled people. She’d killed for her Chloe. Again, and again, and again. And she’d still do it. But she can’t now. She can’t anymore. She has to be the Max everyone expects her to be. Shy, meek, and passive, not the destroyer of worlds and harbinger of death. Maybe she can find a way to stay in touch with Chloe, Kate, and even Rache. Catch up with Chloe later. That is, if Rachel doesn’t spirit her away to her LA pipe dream first.

What would Rachel think of all the things she’s said and done? Chloe was with her in the moment, or at least versions of her were, but none of them exist any more. Rachel had already been a bloated corpse. Chloe had wanted vengeance, and Max had too, she’d even gotten to carry it out more than a few times.

A thought springs into her mind, and she drags herself up off the floor, moving to the desk chair. There’s a piece of the puzzle she doesn’t have yet. Sure, she’d ripped out chunks of time’s tapestry, but the details of what she’d done were fuzzy at best. Kate had thankfully set up some kind of screen reader, even if Max barely understood how it worked. Tech had always been Chloe’s thing and she can’t exactly pull up a braille newspaper from the comfortable confines of her dorm. She feels around for the home row on her keyboard, her brain aching in new and exciting ways as she tries to remember where each key sits. Her dad had tried to get her to learn how to touch type years and years ago, but she hadn’t cared. Past Max was kind of an idiot like that. The computer’s voice was considerably more toneless and robotic than her phone, but it was something.

“Famous Photographer Killed By Kidnapped Model,” her laptop reads out the first article she could find. “Mark Jefferson, renowned photographer, was found dead Friday in his Seattle studio after a young woman told police that she had been drugged and kidnapped by the man. Police say that the woman had agreed to model for the photographer, but had not agreed to being drugged or bound. Police sources say that the woman freed herself and stabbed the photographer with a pair of scissors, and that they’re investigating cases involving several other women who claim to have been assaulted in a similar manner.”

Max sighs with relief, sagging into her chair. “It’s over, thank fuck.”

Her mind relaxes, turning back to the memories she’d touched in the weave, the echoes of others' lives. She can still feel the memories she’d touched, bright and sparkling in the nothing. A shiver runs through her as the memory of Chloe and Rachel’s first kiss breaches the surface of her mind. Borrowed electricity crackles through her as the intensity of Rachel’s feelings pummel her brain. She’s so infatuated, just like Max had been.

Max gasps, struggling to stay in her chair as her head throbs and her heart aches. She can see Chloe’s beautiful face through Rachel’s eyes. Awkward, gangly teenage Chloe gawks at her in utter disbelief. A look she knows all too well. She’d experienced her own first kiss with Chloe a few dozen times, just to see Chloe’s surprise and giddiness again and again. But there’s so much that’s different with Rachel’s kiss. This Chloe wasn’t as hardened as the one she’d reunited with. Her hair isn’t blue yet, there’s no tattoos or piercings. She’s so vulnerable and unguarded as she finishes making out with the most popular girl at Blackwell. Rachel’s heart thunders in Max’s chest, her hormones going crazy. She needs more. She wants to take Chloe to a private place and start ripping her clothes off. Chloe’s not the only who feels unbelievably lucky; Rachel’s excitement isn’t just skin deep. She wants to know more, to understand Chloe, to hold her tight and make her feel amazing.

Those same wants surge in Max as she shakes her head, trying to dislodge the borrowed memory. Seeing Chloe’s face again is delicious agony. Her brain throbs with pain as the memory loses its hold on her. She falls to the side, her hands banging against her desk to steady herself.

“That’s… new.”

Lisa has no wisdom for her as she sits there panting. The memory isn’t entirely new to her, she’d felt an echo of it when she’d broken time. It was why she’d kept Rachel alive, or at least part of it. Chloe needed someone before Max had returned. Max hadn’t expected her to blow it, but that just means that maybe she has a chance with Chloe before she has to leave. Just maybe she’ll be able to kiss her again. 

What she wouldn’t give to see her face again.

Taking a heavy, shuddering breath, she shifts in her chair, trying to collect herself. She’ll never see Chloe again herself , but Rachel’s eyes can. Gathering herself, she grabs for the memory and dives head first into it.

The twilight streets of Arcadia Bay spin round and round as giddy energy boils in her veins. The intensity of the emotional high threatens to devour Max. There’s so much more thrill and happiness than she remembers. Her clammy hands hold another pair, using the other body as a counterweight as they pinwheel. The world is a blur, but across from her is Chloe, clear as day. Her eyes hopeful and grin lopsided in the amber glow of the street lights. Rachel feels so lucky, and so fucking alive. Max struggles not to cry. It’s everything she’s ever wanted to happen. An actual teenage romance with Chloe without freak tornadoes or serial killer photographers.

She’s living more in a few moments than Max ever had before that week.

The hands let go and Rachel pirouettes, her momentum carrying her up and onto a curb, which she lands on with a graceful pivot back to Chloe. Chloe stares at her in awe as Rachel gets just tall enough to be near her eye line. Those pale blue eyes betray the depths of her feelings, no matter how much their owner affects disinterest. She can feel how much she yearns, and her heart beats faster in her chest. Max aches to capture the moment. “You were incredible tonight, you got everything absolutely perfect!”

A blush blossoms on Chloe’s face and she cringes, looking away and reaching up to rub the back of her neck. “I mean, I remembered all my lines, but—”

“But nothing! Take a bow, my dearest Chloe, you’ve earned it,” Rachel announces, puffing out her chest and putting her hands on her hips, effortlessly taking command. “For a marvellous first night upon the stage.”

“What, right here?” ask Chloe, her blush deepening as she looks around for anyone who might be watching. Rachel follows her gaze and grins as she spies nary a soul.

“The whole world is your stage, take your bow!” Rachel watches with satisfaction as Chloe takes an awkward little bow, and gives her an approving royal clap. “Now, as a token of my gratitude, I bestow upon you the boon of my favour. You may ask me for anything your heart desires. Name your wish and if it is within my power, I will grant it.”

The raw pubescent emotions roiling under Rachel’s poised performance scream that Chloe could quite literally ask Rachel for just about anything and get a yes.

Chloe stares at her, disbelief crystallizing into suspicion as those haunting eyes harden. “Seriously? This has to be a fucking prank. Come on, where is everyone? Where’s the hidden camera?”

Max’s heart aches for Chloe, but Rachel’s beats faster. Adrenaline rushes through her. She can feel the moment slipping away, their beautiful story wilting away if she doesn’t do this just right. Rachel steps off the curb, grabbing Chloe’s wrist and stepping in close. “What do I need to do to convince you that this is real?”

Chloe’s resolve wavers as Rachel presses in, her eyes widening as they dart from Rachel’s, to her lips, and down to the cleavage she’s deliberately pressing forward. Max burns inside in a very different way to Rachel. What she would’ve given for Chloe to have the kind of chest Rachel does and for Chloe to look at her the same way.

“I, uh, um…” Chloe’s cheeks flush and she looks from side to side. Rachel can feel it, what Chloe wants, but she can’t just give it without asking, that’s not how the script goes. “You could… I dunno, kiss me?”

It’s less than she’d dreamed of, but more than she’s expecting. Rachel’s hand reaches up, her fingers brushing over Chloe’s pale cheek, her index finger grazing the beauty spot artfully placed on her cheekbone. Her fingers slide in under the ear before gently yet firmly grasping the back of Chloe’s neck while the rest of her body pushes up. Much to her enjoyment and amusement, Chloe is frozen still until the moment their lips press together into a passionate kiss.

A knock on the door jolts Max back into the now and she slams her knee into her desk. Gritting her teeth, she turns in the direction of the noise. Or at least what she thinks the direction is. Her heart is still racing and the darkness of her visual world is riddled with afterimages of Chloe’s 15 year old face. “Who is it?”

“Just little ol’ me,” Rachel’s voice comes through the door, bright and sweet instead of the husky passion of that night. “I’ve got some visitors for you, are you decent?”

“Uhhh...” Max pats herself down, trying to remember where and who she is. Max Caulfield, blackwell dorms in 2013. Pain throbs in her knee. “I’m in my PJs!” She gets to her feet, trying to remember where the hell she’s left her cane. It takes a few seconds of groping around next to her bedside table to find and extend it before tapping her way over to the door. Her breathing is still ragged and her cheeks are pink. She doesn't even want to think about how her room smells after that .

Max opens the door as Rachel steps in close, her voice warm and tender and a delicate hand brushes over her forearm. “Hey sleepyhead.” Max’s heart races, a shiver runs through her, and the world starts to smell faintly of lavender. “Are you okay to have a big talk, or do you need some privacy? You look, a little, uh…”

“I’m fine,” Max says a little too fast, turning her head to the side. Chloe’s flushed face and wide eyes stare at her in the abyss. “Is this about what you were saying yesterday?”

“Yeah.” A teasing hint of a smile comes through Rachel’s voice that’s really not helping as she practically whispers, “I’ll bring everyone in and we’ll talk about it, okay?”

“Okay.” Max barely manages to get the word out before her throat closes up. She struggles not to cry. Her fingers dig into the rubber grip of her cane as Rachel’s hand on her arm gently guides her back inside and to her bed. Everything feels even less real than the memories. Is Rachel actually giving her a second chance? She’d been desperate to believe her yesterday, not that it’d helped much.

“I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere.” Rachel’s hand lets go of her arm, and Max listens to her walking back out into the hallway and exchanging some hushed words. It sounds like she’s already wearing shoes, which means that either Max was in that memory for a long time, or Rachel’s already been up long enough to get dressed.

She struggles to get her heart to stop racing and her cheeks to stop burning. She’s not Rachel, she’s totally boring and normal Max Caulfield who lost her vision under mysterious and unfortunate circumstances. She can’t break character, she’s got to…

Max licks her lips and squints at nothing. Break character? Since when do I say that? Her jaw clenches as she rocks back and forth on her bed. She still feels like herself, right? It’s not like she’s about to break into song and dance, and the effortless confidence and emotional energy Rachel felt are nowhere to be found.

But still…

It’s not totally off base, because she is acting, just without the same script as everyone else. Sure, she can make some rough guesses about who her friends are just based on who came to visit her in the hospital, and who is helping her. None of that fills in where she’s supposed to know an in-joke or remember a shared piece of history. Even with whatever that was, there’s no way for her to relive all of it, not fast enough anyways.

Footsteps drag her attention out of her own head, and she turns toward the sound.

“Hey Max,” Kate’s voice is first, heading straight for her. She feels the mattress of her bed sag slightly toward the footboard, “Is it okay if I sit here with you?”

“Of course.” 

“Hey Max!” Dana’s voice comes next, somewhere high up and probably by her couch.

“Max.” Victoria’s voice is as hard as it always is before she finds a way past her defences.

“Hey Max.”

Cold ice runs down Max’s spine, her entire body going rigid as she tracks the voice. Her heart rate spikes. Her muscles tense for violence. Her hand tightens around her cane. What the fuck is Nathan doing here? Am I his friend in this timeline? Or is… He was friends with Rachel, right? That has to be it. Shit. Just act natural. Your bullies are in the room, don’t make any sudden moves. You’ve killed him before, you can do it again if you have to. Somehow.

“Gang’s all here!” Rachel’s cheeriness crashes against her defenses, and the bed shakes as someone throws themselves down onto it. An arm wraps around her shoulder, followed by a familiar lavender scent. Rachel’s voice speaks in her ear a moment later, “Are you ready for the good news?”

It’s a wonder she can get words through her lips at all. “Sure.”

“We’re going to be fundraising to pay for your textbooks!”

---

 

Rachel grins down at Max as the words hang in the air. It’s wild that she’s said them, even wilder that she’s doing this at all. Maybe this is just getting Max’s hopes up, but considering everything that’s happened Max could probably use as much hope as she can get right now. Hopefully it’ll help her with the crazy tension she’s suddenly got.

“You can’t be serious.” Max’s clouded eyes stare up at Rachel, an all too familiar look of uncertainty in her delicate features. “Fundraising for that much money? That’d have to be the biggest bake sale ever, of all time.”

Something cracks in Rachel. Of course Max has doubts, why wouldn’t she? Rachel might act like she’s invincible and able to move mountains, but she’s not and Max has always been timid, the past week notwithstanding. As far as she’s concerned, Rachel is trying to do the impossible. But she expects Rachel to be confident about it, and even if Max can’t see her face, she can hear her voice. She indulges in Max’s little image, of the biggest bake sale ever, of all time. It’s pretty funny, with dozens of ovens going round the clock just trying to make enough goods for the hungry masses. “I dunno, with Kate’s baking we might just be able to pull it off.”

“Fucking spare me,” Victoria snaps, strangling the fun in its crib despite the ghost of a smile on her face. “Some of us have shit to do, Amber, like actually organizing this fucking fiasco. So no, Max , this isn’t going to be some little twee hipster bake sale. The Vortex Club is going to be organizing everything and it’s going to be a party.”

“And by the Vortex Club, she means us,” sighs Dana, shaking her head and rolling her eyes, “Don’t act like you’re the whole planning committee, Vic.”

Victoria bristles and Rachel rolls her eyes. Time to play a little peacemaker. “There’s no harm in a joke, Vic. She’s about to get kicked out because she went blind, cut her some slack.”

“Yes, the least you could do right now is show a little compassion,” Kate says without so much as a stammer. The little mouse certainly has a spine where Max is concerned. “Besides, I thought the idea was cute.”

“ Whatever ,” Victoria scoffs, crossing her arms but making no move to leave.

“Chill, Vic,” Natalie interjects, putting a hand on her shoulder, “We’ve got time before class.”

“Anyways, like Victoria was saying,” Rachel gives Max’s shoulders a squeeze, “The Vortex Club is going to be using ticket sales to drive funds, which will be generously matched by my dad.”

“And mine.” Natalie says softly, looking away and rubbing the back of her neck like she always does when she has to admit she’s using her family’s money.

“There’ll be hella strings,” Rachel gives Natalie a knowing look, “But I think we’ve got a good shot at this. Kate’ll be handling the money, so you don’t need to worry about any funny business.”

“Am I going to have to go to the party?” Max’s voice is barely a whisper, and Rachel can detect tears coming.

“We do need our guest of honour,” Dana says with an apologetic wince, “Don’t worry though, we’ve got you.”

Victoria shrugs, pointedly looking away from Max. “Yeah, just go up on stage and give some big speech about how grateful you are or whatever. Then you can go nerd out with Chloe or whatever it is you dweebs do.”

Don’t pretend that you don’t wish it was you. Rachel clamps down on her cattiness to give Max another squeeze. “We’ve got this, don’t you worry.”

Kate coughs gently, and all eyes turn to her. “I have to say, I’m really impressed by all of you. When Rachel told me what was happening I wasn’t so sure we could pull this off, but…”

Natalie shrugs and looks like she really wishes she could turn invisible. “I mean, my dad could just pay for the whole thing himself if he wanted to. But he’s my dad..”

“Still,” Kate says, “I really didn’t expect you or especially Victoria to get involved.”

“Look, just because I don’t like her little hipster bullshit doesn’t mean that I want her to get kicked out of school for going blind, okay?” Victoria bristles, her cheeks flushing. “I wanted to be better than her, not win by default.”

Bitch, you were never going to beat her. “And there’s more to Nate than meets the eye.”

Natalie stares wide eyed at her while Victoria fails to conceal a smirk. Oddly enough though, Max doesn’t seem to react to the joke at all, instead she just gets all insanely tense again. It’s like she’s ready to start beating someone to death with her cane. Instead all she does is speak at just above a whisper, in her raspy about-to-cry voice, “Thank you all so much. I think I could use some alone time, this is a lot.”

“Sure thing,” Kate says in her cute little soft voice that she uses with Max when she’s feeling fragile. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

Max shakes her head but makes no move away from Rachel. “Thanks, but you should probably get to class.”

Victoria is already gone as Rachel looks up to nod to Natalie and Dana, who follow Kate out of the room, leaving Rachel all alone with Max. “Do you need me gone too?”

“I… don’t know.” Max shrugs, hugging herself tight. “That was… Do you think you can pull it off?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. We’ll have the plan finalized by the end of the week. Between our dads it’ll be a cinch. Although that’s where the strings come in,” Rachel grimaces, leaning on Max a little bit, “Do you feel up to dinner with my dad? He’s going to make me do it every weekend for the rest of the year for this, and he wants to meet you.”

“Doesn’t sound like I have much of a choice.” Max shrugs and shakes her head.

“Not really, but we’ll deal with that when we come to it. Are you going to be okay?”

“I have no idea,” Max sighs with a sudden weight on her slender shoulders, looking like she’s going to collapse in on herself. So much for the hope she’d wanted to give her. “I’m so, so grateful that you’re even trying, but—”

“But you don’t know if you’re going to be a student here when Halloween happens.” Rachel sighs with her, half hugging Max’s spare frame.

A spasm ripples through Max, followed by a gentle sob. “I just got here! I just got Chloe back, and met you. I can’t give up and go back, not after everything!”

That earlier crack spider webs across her chest. As much as Max complicates everything, Rachel can't just let her go. “I wish I could give you a guarantee, but I can give you something else. In the meantime.”

Max’s body keeps shaking, but she cocks her head to the side as Rachel reaches into the breast pocket of her flannel. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve got a surprise for you.” Pulling out the phone keyboard with one hand, she reaches out and gently takes Max’s hand, holding it out in front of her body and pressing the piece of metal and plastic against her raised palm. “It’s a braille keyboard, it just slots into the bottom of your phone and you can text away.”

All the tension in Max evaporates. Her shoulders roll back, she stops sobbing, and if she were capable of it Rachel’s sure her eyes would have been shimmering with excitement. “What? When did you—”

“I was going to give it to you yesterday, but by the time I’d gotten everything organized Kate told me you’d passed out from crying and I had to go meet Chloe to call my dad anyways.”

Max drops the keyboard and crashes into Rachel, holding her tight in a desperate hug and knocking her over onto Max’s bed in the process. She sprawls out onto her back, letting Max lay on top of her and wrapping her arms around her slender shoulders as Max starts crying all over again, but with a smile on her face. Laughter fills the air as Max’s hands clutch at Rachel’s flannel, holding tight. “I can’t believe it, I can text again!”

Warmth spreads through Rachel as Max lays on her. At last, there it is, the hope she’d been looking for. “Yup, plug that into the bottom of your phone and you can blow up Chloe’s phone as much as you want. Just wait until Kate and I are out of class though, huh?”

“I can’t thank you enough, I’ve felt so stuck without it.” Max lingers on top of her, those cloudy grey eyes brimming with tears.

Rachel kicks herself for not doing this sooner. Duh, Max cares about texting, it’s the easiest way for her to talk to anybody. When she wasn’t in class, her face was buried in her phone. The only time Rachel ever saw her at ease talking was with Chloe or Kate. The moment passes and Max is off of her, patting around to find the keyboard she dropped. Rachel feels a pang of loss, but she brushes it aside and grabs the keyboard for Max, sliding it under her reaching hands. “Here, I need to get going to class, but Chloe’s not working today. I think you could probably use some time off campus.”

---

 

The line of Max’s heart monitor pulses as she lays there in the bed. Eyes closed. Skin pale. Breathing shallow.

A broken shadow clinging to life.

Day turns to night.

She’s not moving.

And it’s all Chloe’s fault.

Her stupid idea.

Get her two best friends to hang out with her, get them to get along and have a good time.

Except one ghosted her for five years after her dad died, and the other is her ex who cheated on her with their drug dealer.

A recipe for fucking disaster is what it was and what she got.

She just couldn’t accept that she had two separate friends. She wanted both of them together, at the same time.

“Chloe?”

Chloe jerks, her knees slamming into the underside of the steering wheel. She winces, sucking in air through her teeth as Max flinches in the seat next to her. The beeping of a truck backing up to unload food for the Two Whales fills the air. “Shit!”

“I’m so sorry, are you okay?”

“Yeah, just… banged my knee.” Chloe blinks and shakes her head, trying to dislodge the image of Max’s broken body from her mind. It doesn’t work. It’s there every time she closes her eyes.

“Are you sure? I called your name three times,” Max asks, fidgeting in her seat and looking all hella guilty.

“I just spaced, it’s cool,” Chloe lies as she throws open her door. “Now come on, hippie, let’s get our brunch on.” The cold air is enough to bring her mostly back to herself as she runs around her truck to get to Max, who is poking at the ground with her cane and gingerly lowering herself down. “Here, let me help you.”

“I can get out of your truck,” Max laughs as her feet hit the ground and she grabs her bag out from the seat before closing the door. “I’m not that helpless.”

“Well can I lead you inside then? Wouldn’t want to leave you hanging. I’ll save you from the dreaded swinging doors.”

“I always forget how narrow the entrance is.” Max starts tapping around with her cane as Chloe steps in beside her, lightly putting a hand on her elbow and leading her forward.

The parking lot is mostly empty, there’s not a lot of people coming for brunch at the Two Whales in the middle of a weekday. As far as Chloe’s concerned, the fewer people the better. At least it’s a nice day out, the kind where Max would normally be taking as many pictures as she could of just random shit. Trucks, people waiting for the bus, or someone having a smoke.

Chloe’s throat tightens as she leads Max to the steps and walks ahead, letting her tap her way up the stairs while holding open the door for her. A quick glance inside tells her that their usual booth is open, which is a nice bonus. The usual sounds of the diner fill her ears, the clinking of silverware against porcelain, half hushed conversation, and the shitty country music that some asshole put on the jukebox. For a half a second, she can almost pretend that this is totally normal, that Max has an empty period and they’re just hanging out like always.

Max’s cane tapping against her boot kills it and Chloe flattens herself against the wall to let her get inside before letting go of the door and stepping ahead again. She puts her hand back on Max’s elbow and starts leading her inside. “At least our booth is open.”

“As if you wouldn’t scare off anyone who tried to take it.” Max’s giggle makes Chloe’s heart do a stupid little somersault, like it always has. She tries to smother the feeling to death. Max needs her help, not her bullshit.

“Hella right I would, it’s our spot.”

 Max’s face is all smiles as she slides into her side of the booth. “Yeah, you carved all the words into the table with a spoon all by yourself.”

“Hey! Some of it was with a knife.” Chloe does her best to laugh as she takes her own seat. Come on, dumbass, get it together. She’s staring down getting kicked out for going blind, just be her best friend, have fun. If Rachel can’t make it happen she’ll have to go back to Seattle and then that’s it. Make some good memories while you can.

“Ah yes, how could I ever forget.” Another giggle comes from Max, who shakes her head and folds up her cane. “Joyce grounded you for a month.”

“And it only lasted a week,” says Joyce, stepping up to the end of the table with a pot of coffee and a pair of mugs in her hands. “Hi Max, how’re you holding up? Chloe told me about what Blackwell’s trying to do to you.”

“As best I can, I guess.” Max sags in her seat and gives a half shrug. “Rachel is getting everyone to try and organize a fundraiser.”

“Rachel even talked her dad into matching donations.” Chloe looks up at her mom and grimaces. Even with that, it feels fucking hopeless.

Joyce stares at Chloe for a moment, her eyes wide. “She’s really sticking her neck out on this one, huh?”

“I’m really thankful to her, and everyone,” Max mumbles, shifting in her seat.

“Well, here’s hoping.” Joyce sets the mugs down on the table. “Coffee?”

Max nods. “Please.”

“Sure.” Chloe shrugs, her eyes on Max, trying to read her expression. It’s actually really tough, and Max is usually an open book to her. She looks angry, deep down, but not in a way Chloe’s ever seen her. It’s hella weird.

Joyce pours the coffee in smooth motions, sliding Max’s mug into her waiting hand. “What’ll it be?”

“Waffles for me.” Max cups the mug in her hands before reaching out for the sugar and creamers. Chloe leans forward and scoots them over for her. “Just smelling them cooking is enough to get me drooling.”

“Bacon and eggs for me.” Chloe takes her own mug and taps her thumbs against the table.

“So the usual.” Joyce smirks, not even bothering to pull out her notepad. “Can I borrow Chloe for a minute?”

“What’s she in trouble for now?” Max’s clouded eyes stare at Chloe as she cocks her head to the side.

“Nothing, yet.” Joyce laughs and gestures toward the back door with her head.

Chloe sighs and slides out from the booth, “I won’t be long, okay?”

“Sure thing,” Max says as she starts pouring sugar packets into her coffee by holding them between her fingers and resting her wrist on the handle.

Joyce leads Chloe back through the kitchen doors and out into the alley behind the restaurant. The cooks are busy carrying in crates of food, so they step around them to stand by the smoking spot. Chloe eyes her mom as she digs out a pack of smokes. “What’s up?”

“How’s she really doing?” Joyce asks as she pulls her lighter out of her apron. “I know that girl well enough to know when she’s putting on a brave face.”

“Rachel told me that she basically cried herself to sleep yesterday.” Chloe hugs herself, guilt rising in her throat. “She tried to storm out of Wells’ office, tripped, and hit her head again. Nurse says she’ll be fine, but…”

“I can’t believe those bastards are going to kick her out like that.” Joyce shakes her head and takes a quick puff of her cigarette. “She gets struck blind and they’re going to throw her out on her behind? At least you were in trouble all the time, I don’t think Max ever got so much as a detention.”

That wasn’t true, but all of those detentions had happened because Chloe had tried to stand up to anyone bullying Max. Dad had always taken them out for ice cream after that. “It’s total bullshit. The amount of money is crazy too. Even with Rachel’s dad helping out, it’s nuts. The Prescotts will probably kick money in too, Max is close with, uh, Nathan, but there’s no telling what the old man’ll do.”

“Well I’ll be damned if I’m going to sit around and do nothing for her. I’ll see if I can’t get some kind of donations going. Put out a jar or something, get the servers to kick in some of their tips,” Joyce takes another drag and sighs. “You’d better get back to her, I’ll be along with your food before too long.”

Chloe stares at her for a moment, trying to process it. The people who eat at the diner aren’t exactly rolling in cash, but every penny is going to count. “Thanks, Mom.”

Max is about halfway through her coffee as Chloe slides into her seat, and she beams across the table at her. “Hey, everything okay?”

“Yeah, Mom just wanted to know what was going on.” Chloe shrugs as she grabs some sugar packs and shakes them between her fingers to get all the sugar to one side. “She’s going to put out a donation jar to help out.”

Max fidgets in her seat, picking up her coffee and holding it in her hands. “That’s really sweet of her. Sounds like things are okay at home.”

“Yeah, David’s been weird ever since he saw me washing the blood out of the truck.” Chloe shudders. “At least he’s leaving me the fuck alone.”

Max’s thumb rubs around the lip of her mug before she takes a sip. “Good, you deserve a break from his bullshit.”

Chloe raised an eyebrow at Max while raising her own mug up to her lips. “I mean it’s not like he’s been as bad as usual since I got a job, but yeah, the break’s nice.”

Silence stretches out between them as Max gets that usual lost in thought look on her face. Chloe sips on her coffee, turning her brain over and shaking everything loose to try and find a way to talk to her. It’s not like there’s many happy topics, and questions about what being blind is like are probably the last thing Max wants to deal with right now. School isn’t exactly happening, and Chloe doesn’t know what the fuck she’s going to do if Max can’t stay. Moving to Seattle is her first thought, but that won’t be cheap and who knows if she could even find any kind of job there in the first place. Never mind just ditching Rachel. Maybe she’d understand, but who knows how badly she’d take it and—

A shoe brushes against her boot and she jumps a little, looking to find Max smiling in her direction while fidgeting with her coffee mug. A moment later, Max’s shoe bumps against her boot again and stays there. Chloe just stares, her words failing her. The hell? Is she playing footsie with me? Or does she just want to be touching me since she can’t see me?

Max takes Chloe freezing up as license to keep going, and her foot rubs against Chloe’s boot. It’s not that she hates it, touching Max has kinda always been great. She was cuddling her the other day for fuck’s sake. Is she just imagining this as footsie, does Max even know what she’s doing?

Plates clank down on the table and Chloe looks up to see Joyce’s smiling face. “Here you go girls.”

“Thanks Mom.” Chloe struggles to keep her voice level.

“I’m starving .” Max’s hands move to her plate, and Chloe reaches across the table to push the utensils on her plate into her hands.

“Take as long as you like.” Joyce nods to them and moves away to her other tables.

“So, we’ve got the whole day, right?” Max asks as she starts cutting up her waffle, with a smile on her face that fills the pit of Chloe’s stomach with butterflies.

“Uh, yeah, pretty much. Anything you wanted to do?”

“This is going to sound kinda weird, but did you want to go watch some old movies at your place?” Max asks, her voice low and hopeful. “I can just listen along and remember them.”

“Uh, sure?” Chloe laughs, trying to keep her voice under control. “David’s working today so he’s not going to bug us.”

Max’s face lights up and the butterflies explode up from Chloe’s stomach to fill her chest with thunderous fluttering. “Perfect.”

Notes:

Hey everyone, been way too long. Shout out to geisterlieb who's comments got me feeling like posting again.

I've got some news: I've self published a book and it's coming out in print real soon. I'll drop another chapter of a few fics when that time comes, so don't worry. But until then that's what I'm focusing on.

I hope you enjoyed reading these goobers again, hope to have more for you soon!

Special thanks to Escherlat for editing help.

Chapter 9: Double Dare

Chloe gasps and her eyes snap open. Visions Max’s face with blood running from her eyes, ears, nose, and mouth slowly fade away. She pants for breath. Her body is slick with cold sweat. The madness of her nightmare slips through her fingers. A weight on her chest presses down against her. Bleary eyes look down to see a shaggy brown mop of hair resting on the left side of her chest. A freckled arm reaches across her midriff.

Last night comes roaring back. They’d re-watched Blade Runner for the eleventy-billionth time. It’d been great, especially as Max crept closer to her on the bed until they were cuddling. Max hadn’t stayed awake long after that.

The DVD logo bounces around on the glowing CRT. The pressure is nice, and her body slowly calms down as she stares up at her ceiling, mind ticking over things. She’s cuddling Max again . Max wanted that, right? No biggie, she’s just cuddling with her best friend.

Her best friend who knows that she likes women and was playing fucking footsie with her at the diner.

Calm the fuck down, it’s nothing. Max is always touchy feely. She’s been hugging you constantly since she got back and you used to cuddle like this all the time.

Well, as Chloe can tell, Max’s touchy side only extends to Rachel, Kate, and maybe Dana. But it’s not like Max is going to start anything with any of them. She can see Rachel starting something with her, if she’d hella lost it. Dana isn’t exactly shy about being bi, but she’s pretty happy with Trevor. And Kate? Well they’d be fucking cute, but that was about as likely as Chloe going down on Victoria. Which leaves her. Maybe she might, if Max wasn’t suddenly depending on her for so much.

Who am I kidding? I’m way too chickenshit to try. A wry smile crosses her lips as she puts her free right hand behind her head. And that’s if I thought I had a chance, I’d be risking my best friend. Fuck that.

Still, the whole footsie thing had been weird. That’s not best friend behaviour. Like yeah, Max can’t see her so she wants to touch her, but why wouldn’t she just reach across the table? 

She’s blind, idiot. Of course she doesn’t know where everything is on the table. She might have heard things being put down but she’s not a fucking bat. Maybe I should have sat next to her?

Ugh, word would get back to Rachel if I did that. She’s already busting her ass trying to help Max, the last thing she needs is a reason to be jealous of her. Why does everything have to be so hella complicated?

Chloe feels Max shift. She looks down and  watches as Max yawns and stretches out, her feet poking out from under the covers. A hand reaches up to her face, only to fall short and land on the side of her neck. It slides up and her heart races. Fingers trace over her chin and jawline. Up to her cheek, finger tips moving towards her lips. Her breathing shudders. “Uh, hey Max.”

Max jolts, her hand flying back as her cloudy eyes stare at Chloe. A look between regret and longing is on her face. Did she have some kind of nightmare? “H-hey! You’re awake!”

“Hey, you’re the sleepyhead,” Chloe snorts, trying to play it off. “Sleep well?”

“Yeah…” Max says in that quiet little soft voice that just fills Chloe’s head and chest with warm fuzzies as she smiles again.. “I slept really well.”

Don’t overthink it. “Awesome, guess Blade Runner still knocks you out, huh?”

“Sure does. The music is just so calming,” Max giggles, still resting her weight on Chloe, her messy bed head bangs a frizzy halo over her glassy eyes. “I miss the cinematography.”

Chloe nods, despite the guilt. “Jordan Cronenweth is a genius.”

Max bursts out in another giggle, beaming from ear to ear. “You’re such a nerd.”

“And you’re a dorkasaurus!” Chloe laughs, giving Max a playful, but incredibly gentle shove.

“Oh please, you’ve actually read the credits to Blade Runner!”

“And you think Spirits Within is a good movie!”

“Wha- Hey! It is!”

“As if! It’s such a—”

“Girls! Breakfast!” 

“Guess you should probably get off of me, unless you want Mom to start asking hella questions.” Chloe chuckles without really meaning it. She could spend all morning like this.

Max’s face flushes and she rolls off of Chloe in a hurry, nearly falling off the bed before Chloe grabs her by the shoulder and steadies her. “Shit, sorry!”

“It’s cool!” Chloe actually laughs this time as Max scrambles to sit upright, she reaches over to her night stand to grab Max’s cane and hand it to her. “I didn’t mind.”

“Good, I just… I dunno.” Max holds her cane in both hands, her fingers rubbing over the rubber grip as she swings her legs out from the bed and sits on the edge. “Is it weird that I really wish I could take a picture of us right now?”

Chloe sits up, her chest tightening. “I think it’d be weird if you didn’t. What’s up?”

Max opens her mouth before shaking her head, a far away look on her face. “Just… overthinking, I guess.”

“You? Overthinking?” Chloe moves to sit next to Max, throwing an arm around her shoulders. “Must be a day ending in ‘y’.”

“I take it back, you’re actually a jerk.” Max laughs, shoving Chloe off of her.

“Girls! I’m not giving you breakfast in bed!”

“Coming!”

---

 

The sounds and smells of the Price family kitchen cover Max is a warm, comforting blanket of nostalgia. After everything she’d suffered through, all she’d endured, she’d never expected to once again sit in one of these well worn wooden chairs. The Price home had been an oasis for her as a kid, and it had been a shelter over and over again as she tried to beat the storm. It was as much her home as anywhere else she’d ever been.

Now here she is with a fork full of Joyce’s pancakes in her mouth, the smells of frying bacon and eggs heavy in the air, and Chloe sitting right next to her. Even David’s grunting as he manhandles his newspaper can’t spoil her mood.

It takes a lot to not reach out to her.

Chloe.

Oh, Chloe.

Not her Chloe, she has to stop herself there, but still herself.

Time travel gets confusing.

They have the same in-jokes, the same playful banter, and the same ease and comfort around each other. Max had just spent an entire night nestled in her arms and Chloe hadn’t objected at all.

She hadn’t really reacted when Max had tried rubbing their feet together at the diner. Did that mean anything?

Does Max want it too?

Yes. She’d been… Okay, yeah. She’d wanted to feel Chloe’s lips with her fingers earlier. She yearns to kiss her, touch her, hold her, make her scream in the ways she’d managed to get her to in her final rounds of jumps.

But she’s not her Chloe.

She’s not Rachel’s Chloe either.

Maybe.

“Good to see you smiling,” Joyce’s words puncture her thoughts, “Don’t you worry, we’re going to make sure you stay at Blackwell.”

“Fuck yeah!” Chloe says through a mouthful of food. 

“Language.” Max doesn’t need to see to know she’s rolling her eyes.

David grunts, his newspaper flapping in his hands. “It was in the paper yesterday. That’s bound to get some people riled up.”

Max takes the time to finish chewing and swallow the last of her food. “Thanks, I don’t know what I’d do without help.”

“Well you don’t gotta worry about that.” Joyce’s chair squeaks and Max feels a hand on her forearm. “You’re one of us, and we take care of our own. Now make sure you finish up your plate.”

“What? I thought— Dammit, not again.” Max sighs as she starts poking at her plate with her fork to find the missing morsels.

“Here, I got this.” Chloe’s chair shifts and suddenly her side and chest are pressing against Max’s arm. Her chest explodes in butterflies. Metal taps on her porcelain, but all Max can think of is the pressure against her side and hope that her face isn’t as red as it feels. Chloe’s fingers brush her hand and guide her fork until it finds the soft, squishy goodness. “Here, it’s all in a pile.”

“Next you’ll be feeding it to her.” Joyce’s smile rings in her voice.

“Lay off, Mom.” Chloe huffs and that amazing pressure vanishes.

Max hurries to stuff the last of the pancakes. I need to cool down. The sooner I’m done, the sooner I’m back in Chloe’s room.

“Damn, Max was hungry!” Chloe laughs as Max’s fork finds only empty porcelain again. “Come on, let’s blow this joint.”

“Better get her back on campus,” David half-heartedly mumbles. The newspaper page rustles. Something about it sends a shiver down Max’s spine. Chloe’s right, he is acting weird.

“Thanks again for the food, Joyce, it was delicious.” Max does her best to smile in Joyce’s direction while she grabs her cane off the table and unfolds it. “Better get ready for the day.”

“Stay out of trouble you two,” Joyce laughs as Max’s chair moves across the floor, the felt pads on the legs making a soft scratching sound.

“We’ll be fine, Mom.” Chloe’s own chair makes a similar sound as Max starts heading for the stairs.

“You okay?” Chloe asks in a low voice as Max’s cane finds the first step.

“I’m pretty sure I could have walked these stairs blind folded, and now I have to. I’ll be fine.”

“Just checking.”

Max isn’t sure if it’s obnoxious or sweet how cautious Chloe is being with her, if it were anyone else, excepting Kate (or maybe Rachel), it’d definitely be getting on the annoying side. But this is Chloe, caring about her. She rides that high all the way up the stairs and into Chloe’s bedroom, butterflies still floating in her chest.

The door closes behind them with a soft click and Chloe’s thumping feet bound ahead of Max, circling around in front of her. “So! We’ve got the whole day ahead of us, you can do anything you want, go anywhere my truck can go! The world is at your command, Max-a-million, what do you say?”

Max freezes up for a moment, a shiver of deja vu running down her spine. She’d heard some very similar things from a whole lot of Chloes, and they tended to go one very specific way. It's a chance. A slim one, but a chance. The sense memory of Rachel’s kiss with her under the streetlights dances in her head. Her heart aches for long abandoned timelines. “I, uh…”

“We can go to the lighthouse, get out of town for the day, head to the beach, your call!” Chloe’s feet softly pad on the floor. She’s so, so giddy that she’s bouncing.

Max finds herself swept up in all that excitement and enthusiasm. She might not be her Chloe, but she’s still her and her energy’s as infectious as always. “I don’t know, this might be a bit much for you.”

“What? Too much for me? Come on!” Chloe’s hands gently shove Max’s shoulders, enough to push her back half a pace. “Just try me, Caulfield!”

“I might even have to dare you.” The butterflies in her chest feel like they’re crowding up in her throat, threatening to make her vomit a rainbow of wings.

“Ohhhh, now this has gotta be good.” Chloe claps her hands before rubbing her palms together, the floorboards creaking under her feet as Chloe shifts her weight from foot to foot.

“I dare you…” Max pauses as her heart beats against her ribs, “To kiss me.”

“What?” Chloe half laughs.

“I double dare you, kiss me now.”

The words hang in the air. The house is silent. Max’s throat is a tangled mess of wings and squirming. She stands there, waiting for Chloe to make her move.

“Don’t play with me like that, Max.” Chloe’s voice is tight and nervous. Her feet don’t move. “That’s not cool. Be serious.”

Max’s heart plummets to the center of the earth. She desperately wishes  that could join it, and burn up in the lava. Not her Chloe. Her throat burns. How is she still so stupid after all she’s been through? She chokes out her words through dead insects, “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I thought that was a good idea. Just take me to the lighthouse.”

---

 

[Chloe | 9:24 am]

did you put Max up to that?

Rachel stares at the text message again, hoping it’ll make sense this time. Alas, it continues to vex her. What had Max done, and why does Chloe seem to think she had any hand in it? She’d gotten it during drama class, and it’d taken her so long to notice that it just feels awkward to answer. But still, curiosity and concern tug at her. Something bad happening between those two is just about the last thing she needs in the middle of trying to fundraise tens of thousands of dollars to keep them in the same state together, and with her.

At least with classes done she has a good excuse to text now.

[Rachel | 4:40pm]

Sorry, busy day. I don’t know what you’re talking about, did something happen?

She grabs her bag and heads out of the chemistry lab to find Kate waiting in the hallway, with a big smile on her face as she waves to her. It’s funny, if it weren’t for Max, Kate would be firmly on Rachel’s ignore list, or possibly on her shit list if she got preachy. But despite the clubs she runs, Kate’s totally unassuming. Disarming even. She would have just been wallpaper to Rachel, or maybe someone she would have teased and tried to mess with a bit. She’s certainly cute enough, in the girl next door way. Maybe she might have tried to push her buttons a few times just to find out what would happen.

She can’t help but wonder what she’d look like in heavier makeup and something more complementary to her figure than a black cardigan and a knee length grey skirt.

“Hey Rachel!” Kate smiles and waves, bounding over to her. “Having a good day?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess?” Rachel shrugs, it’s hard to deflect Kate’s earnest do-gooder attitude. “Been pretty busy.”

“Too busy to give me a hand?” Kate’s hazel eyes sparkle, as people swarm around them. “It’s for Max.”

Even a week ago, people would have been buzzing with rumours just seeing them talking in the hall together. But word’s spreads quickly, especially when Rachel wants it to. Max may not have made a lot of friends at Blackwell before whatever happened, but she hasn’t exactly made a lot of enemies either. Group texts and chats are buzzing with people upset about her losing her scholarship, and Rachel’s pretty sure that most of them have never even talked to Max. “What’s up? Is it for the fundraiser?

“No, this is just a little thing to make her life easier.” Kate’s beaming from ear to ear, and if she had a dog’s tail Rachel’s sure that it’d be wagging so fast she’d be taking people at the knees. “I got her braille tags for her clothes, so she’ll know for sure what she’s wearing.”

“They make those? I had no idea.” A smile takes over Rachel’s lips, even if she’ll miss helping Max pick out her outfits. “You’re a genius.”

“I already told her about them and asked her if I could go into her dorm, but I could really use some help.” Kate’s own smile turns up a few notches. “I was hoping that you would, since you have an easier time with, um, those sorts of things.”

Her underwear, probably. “Yeah, sure, I’ll give you a hand! Saves me from hella stressing over the fundraising.”

“Let’s get to it!” Kate practically skips all the way to the dorms, and Rachel has to politely decline a lot of conversations to keep up with her. She’ll have to patch over some of that later, but Max is way more important than a brief period of socializing with the Blackwell crowd. With even Victoria onside, she doesn’t exactly have to worry about their support for donations.

But still, she says hi, smiles, says that she’s busy and they’ll catch up later at least a dozen times before she reaches the dorm steps and into the stairwell. Things are pretty quiet, its nice out, so people are too busy hanging out outside except for maybe Brooke or Warren, so it’s smooth sailing all the way into Max’s dorm.

“Here we go!” Kate takes a brief detour into her dorm before coming out with a few bags full of little metal tags and safety pins. “This shouldn’t take us very long.”

Kate hurries into Max’s dorm and beelines for the closet, but Rachel pauses for a moment. The posters are all in the same spots, but Max can’t exactly appreciate them anymore. Her desk and side tables are the same mess they’ve ever been, but Rachel isn’t going to clean them up now. The Max Caulfield memorial photo wall sits untouched and unchanged. No new photographs. There never will be again.

Rachel’s heart hurts.

There’s precious few the three of them together, and only one that she knows of from that day. The ones that exist are all quick shots during hand-offs when Chloe split her time between them. There’s plenty of Max’s time with Chloe, and the few times she’d hung out with Rachel. In each of them, Max somehow makes her look real, even grounded. She’s not Rachel Amber, the most popular girl in school, rising young star, and actress extraordinaire. She’s Rachel Amber, girl across the hall, sorta ex-girlfriend but still friends with her best friend. It’s ridiculous, they’re silly selfies of her and Max taken with a polaroid, but she desperately wishes she’d had the chance for more.

She wishes she’d had the chance for a lot of things before some cruel twist of fate had stolen Max’s vision from her.

“So, they’re all labelled in English, so don’t worry about not being able to read braille.” Kate launches into an explanation as she dumps out a pile of tags on Max’s bed. “The idea is to pin these behind or with the tag, hopefully they won’t itch or anything, but at least Max will be able to sort through her clothes quickly.”

“Damn, I was having fun picking out her outfits.” Rachel half laughs as she picks up a couple of the tags and turns them over in her hand. “There aren’t a lot of characters in braille.”

“They’re in a short form code, black is just BK, pink is PK, print is PR.”

“So, for her Jane Doe shirt, I’d grab a pink and a print?” Rachel runs her thumb over the little bumps.

“Exactly!” Kate scurries off before returning with an armload of Max’s shirts. “This shouldn’t take long, Max asked me to get everything.”

“Including her unmentionables?” Rachel asks with a wry grin as she picks up a shirt from the pile.

Kate’s face flushes crimson, but she nods. “Yes, wearing a black bra with a white shirt and all that.”

“Gotcha.” Rachel laughs as she grabs a package of safety pins sitting down on the edge of the bed. Guess I get to see Max’s hipster panties.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket.

[Chloe|4:58pm]

she's been acting weird all day

she hella messed with me this morning

Rachel’s brow knits in confusion as she stares at her screen. It can’t be their usual goofing around, Chloe wouldn’t get upset over that.

[Rachel|4:59pm]

How so?

[Chloe|5:00pm]

ask her yourself

“Something the matter?” Kate asks as she folds one completed shirt next to their to do pile.

Rachel shrugs, staring at the pixels as if they’ve got some hidden answers. “Something weird is going on, Chloe’s pissed at Max but she’s not telling me why.”

“I’m sure it’ll be okay.” A nervous edge creeps in Kate’s voice.

“Those two never stay mad at each other.”

“They really are peas in a pod.” Kate laughs, but the nervous edge in her voice remains. “I wouldn’t exactly blame Max for being surly right now though, she’s being put through a lot for no good reason.”

Time flashes past as they start clipping on the labels. It’s not even hard and Max has never had a big wardrobe. About half of it is borrowed from her and Chloe anyways. She lets Kate focus on Max’s shirts and pants while she gets to her underwear. Max is a snoop, and turnabout is fair play; doubly so when she’s helping her. Not that she really needs to guess what Max has going on in that department, it’s all pretty cutesy, but nothing daring. Plain cotton and with soft, pale colours. She even envies Max a little, she’s small enough to not have anything with an underwire. Kate’s easy conversation too, just little questions here and there about the going ons at school which Rachel is more than happy to answer. She’s pretty sure that Kate knows more than she lets on, but she can tell that she’s not ready to open up to her. Not yet, at least.

They’re just getting the final door clicks open and Rachel freezes as she sees Max walking in, looking like she’s on the verge of tears. Her whole posture is slumped, shoulders forward, and her head hung low. She hasn’t seen her looking this depressed since… Well, ever.

“Max!” Kate bolts off of the bed, rushing over to her. “Is everything okay?”

“No,” Max’s voice is a barely audible rasp, “I messed up.”

“What happened?” Kate’s hand rests on Max’s cane arm as she starts guiding her into the dorm.

Max shambles forward, her cane limply dangling on the ground from her wrist. “I shouldn’t have done it, but I was just so caught up in the moment, I got excited and just…”

“Here, have a seat. Rachel and I will take care of you.”

Rachel blinks, her chest is tight, her jaw clenched as Max suddenly gets alert and starts looking around for her. Dammit Kate, she was just about to tell us. “Hey, Max.”

“Hey.” Max’s voice sounds downright pathetic as she collapses onto her couch and curls up, tucking her knees into her chest.

“Do you need anything? Water? A snack? Should I go get Alice?” Kate says, fussing around Max and apparently oblivious to the daggers coming out of Max’s sightless eyes in Rachel’s general direction.

“I could use some space, actually.” Max’s face turns toward her window, shutting out Rachel entirely. “Today really sucked.”

“Okay, we finished tagging your clothes, but we’ll check on you tomorrow to make sure nothing is itching or scratching you. Is that okay?”

“I don’t know.” Max buries her face in her arms.

Kate’s face turns to Rachel, her big eyes pleading with her. What can Rachel do but nod as she gets her feet. “Of course. I guess I’ll see you later, Max.”

“Whatever.”

Max doesn’t say a thing as they hurry out. Kate stares at the closed door, completely crestfallen. Rachel half expects her to start whimpering. “Whatever happened, it was really bad. I’m surprised that she doesn't want to talk about it.”

“That probably has something to do with me, sorry. She shut up the moment she knew I was there.”

“She might just be worried about putting you in the middle of whatever is going on between her and Chloe. I’m sure she’s not upset with you.” Kate puts a hand on Rachel’s arm and gives her a little squeeze.

“I appreciate it.” Rachel gives her a nod and a little smile while she wrestles with the limited information in her mind.

“I should probably go let Alice out of her cage before she gets too cranky with me.”

“Sounds good.” Rachel steps into her dorm, closes the door behind her, and takes a deep, shuddering breath. A whirlwind of emotions floods her mind. Doubt, fear, frustration, anxiety, and anger. They all swirl in her as flops down onto her bed. There’s only one reason for Max to be angry with her that she can think of. One reason for her not to know. If it had just been a stupid argument, she’d say something, so it can’t be that. Those two never stay mad at each other. If ghosting Chloe for five years couldn’t kill their friendship, then what would?

She had to have made some kind of move, but in a way that just pissed Chloe off instead of jumping her bones like she so hella wants to. She botched something. But Max taking the first step isn’t exactly in character for her. Or it wasn’t. This new Max is different, somehow.

“What the fuck has gotten into her?”

Notes:

I couldn't make it easy for our girls, could I?

Some good news, there should be more very soon. I've written up to chapter 19 and I'm making an editing pass before I keep moving forward on the rough draft, so if all goes well I'll have weekly updates for the next couple of months! I might try and keep that up as the next Inkfort Press Writing Derby starts up at the end of May, but I can make no promises.

Chapter 10: Peeking

Chloe’s limbs tingle as she stares up at her bedroom’s ceiling. Rachel’s hand reaches across her sweaty chest to pull herself in closer. It doesn’t make any sense. None of it does. Rachel shouldn’t have ever looked twice at the fuckup with a dead dad. She’s the most popular girl in school, but here she is, in Chloe’s bed. Her first time with a woman, and it’s Rachel fucking Amber.

“Mmmmm,” Rachel lazily purrs, her fingers tracing trails over Chloe’s tummy, side, and hips, “You’re amazing.”

“Uh, you too?” Chloe’s overheating brain barely manages to get the words out. Rachel responds by giggling and peppering Chloe’s neck with kisses. Shivers go up and down Chloe’s body as Rachel presses even closer, her kisses turning into love bites. “Whoa, not done?”

Rachel suddenly gets on all fours above Chloe with passionate fire in her eyes. “Not even close.”

Max’s eyes snap open. She pants for air, her frame full of tingles from the aftershocks of Chloe’s orgasm. She needs a shower, desperately. 

Her heart aches.

Okay, that was going too far.

But she needs to know. Why would Chloe reject her like that?

It has to be Rachel.

She’s the only thing that makes sense. Chloe’s still holding onto her, because of course she is. The only way to know why is by seeing it for herself.

Hindsight’s a bitch, but she’s done it, and it’s not fair.

Rachel has everything Max doesn’t. She’s pretty, she’s popular, and she’s developed in ways that Max never has. She has curves and a chest, while Max is basically a twig. Chloe never dismissed her as making a bad joke.

What hope did Max ever have? She could be with Chloe when Rachel was a corpse. Now that she’s living and breathing, even cheating on Chloe isn’t enough.

Maybe coming to this timeline was a mistake.

No. Max sits up in her bed, her limbs still trembling. No. It wasn’t a mistake. I saved everyone. I just… I need to…

Plap. Plap. Plap. Tears fall onto her knees.

She’s supposed to be okay with this. Chloe’s alive, she’s safe, she’s breathing. Rachel’s thriving. Kate never got abducted. Dana’s laughter fills the halls. Even Victoria is okay! So why does she need Chloe to kiss her?

Because she did it for her.

All of this. Trying to let her die, and fighting to find a better path. It was all for Chloe.

Max saved everyone but she doesn’t get the girl.

How’s that fair? Giving up her sight, her art, and her Chloe for this?

Her finger nails dig into the bones of her shins and she winces. Come on, Max. You’ve been drugged, kidnapped, watched Chloe die repeatedly, and killed a lot of people. Why are you falling to pieces over this?

Because it’s Chloe.

It’s almost funny, in a cosmic kind of way. Chloe was her first kiss and her first time, now she’s her first rejection too.

Well, she hadn’t said no, had she?

Chloe had said don’t joke about that and then been kinda pissy with her for hours.

So, what if Max made it so Chloe knew she wasn’t joking? What if she made it clear that she actually wants to kiss her without any games?

Cramped arms and aching legs spread out, all gross and sticky with dried sweat.

She’ll need a shower. Eventually. For now, she needs to think and plan. Chloe always valued directness. No bullshit, no lies. She’ll have to be direct. As blunt as she can get.

She gets off her bed, cautiously stepping over to the couch before sitting down and feeling around for her guitar. She slides it across her lap, her fingers sliding over the strings. Her mind turns over just how she can do this. Who would know best?

Max plucks a string in time and falls into another memory.

---

 

A discordant chord echoes around the dormitory hallways, followed by the isolated plucking of guitar strings.

They only make the knot in Rachel's stomach worse.

Something is rotten in the town of Arcadia Bay.

Max and Chloe, best friends since time immemorial, aren't talking; and Rachel has no idea why.

Nobody does. Gossip is the air she breathes. If it’s worth knowing at Blackwell, Rachel is the person to ask.

Except for whatever happened between those two. They aren't telling a soul. Max has even shut Kate out. When has Max ever done that? Sure, she ghosted Chloe for years, but she read the letter. She’s supposed to have moved on from this.

Acid truth eats at Rachel’s heart. Max making a move just doesn't compute. It’s about as likely as Kate's face between Victoria's thighs. She can’t be missing something, but she is.

But nothing else balances out the equation.

"Rach?" Natalie's voice jars her out of her thoughts. Her eyes refocus on the mascara tube in her hand and Natalie's vulnerable face in front of her.

"Yes, sorry. Just lost in thought." Rachel flashes a wet cat of a smile.

"Max still isn’t talking to you, huh?"

Rachel sighs, twisting open the tube and pulling out the brush. "Am I so easy to read?"

"No, she's been on my mind too." A briefly frown flickers over her pale, thin features before she resumes a neutral expression. "It's like she's forgotten that I exist. Like, yeah, I’m too busy dealing with Dad's bullshit to reach out, but it sucks that she hasn’t messaged me first."

Rachel's face frowns in turn as she presses the knuckle of her pinky against Natalie's cheekbone. "I seriously don't know. She's not even talking to Kate right now. Blink for me."

Natalie's eyelashes flutter over the bristles. "You have to have some idea of what's going on."

"I have my hunches," Rachel flips from one side to other, resolute in her focus, "nothing has been making sense lately, and it's driving me up the wall."

"Yeah. I'm starting to think that she just doesn't want me around at all." The knot in Rachel's stomach tightens and collapses in on itself, turning into a yawning pit. "I didn't do anything wrong, did I? I was already in Seattle and Sean wasn’t about to let me go anywhere."

"No, of course not," Rachel coos as she finishes with the last of Natalie's lashes. In a deft motion she recaps the brush and twists it closed. "She hasn't said anything about you, and if Chloe found out that she had, I'd be the first to hear about it. If I had to guess, everything is finally hitting her all at once. It would explain a lot."

Natalie closes her eyes and hugs herself. "I can't even imagine what she's going through right now."

Rachel sifts to sit next to her and wraps an arm around her shoulders. "I don't think any of us can."

Natalie sniffles and leans against Rachel. "I still can't believe it. To go from the best of us to never being able to see her own work ever again. I know this is selfish, but I keep thinking about how I'll never get to her thoughts about my work again. I'll never be able to show her how much she's helped me."

"She'll know. Somehow, she will." Rachel rubs Natalie's back and turns everything over in her mind again and again. It doesn't matter how much she kneads or mixes the facts together, anything concrete refuses to rise. There's something missing. Something crucial. There's only one person who can answer her questions, and she's not going to do it over the phone. "But Victoria and I aren’t going anywhere, I promise."

Natalie sighs, her hands reaching up before pausing just in front of her face. They drop back down again. " Thanks, I'd be so lost without you two. I wish there was more I could do for Max. Sean’s really making me work for even a scrap to help her out. All I could do on my own was buy her a stupid keyboard."

"Hey, if it works out you'll do more for her than the rest of us combined."

“Yeah, I just wish that he wasn’t using it to hold me over a fucking barrel. The last thing I want to do is spend my weekend standing around on a golf course pretending to be him and listening to those old fucks calling people parasites.”

“I guess I’m lucky that James is only asking for dinner once a week, huh?”

“Maybe, but he’s still an asshole.” Natalie shrugs and sits upright, her hands brushing over her shirt. Between the makeup and the breast forms Rachel can barely recognize who she used to be. "Ugh, sorry. I didn’t mean to get all mopey. We were supposed to be watching a movie."

"I don’t blame you with all the sad stuff Max's been playing. I’m going to get to the bottom of this tonight, after our movie."

"Uh-oh. Detective Amber is on the case."

Rachel winks at her as she opens her laptop. "With such a pretty dame helping me? I'll crack this wide open."

---

 

Of all the fucking pranks for Max to pull, why would she ask Chloe to kiss her? Why would she ever say that? Rachel said she had nothing to do with it, which kinda makes sense. It’s not like Chloe can’t tell that she regrets fucking up their relationship, but where else would Max get an idea like that? Daring her to kiss her, what the actual fuck? Toying with someone isn’t like Max, but what else could that have been?

She takes a drag from her cigarette, letting the smoke linger in her lungs before lazily blowing it out. The lights of Arcadia Bay twinkle down below as she lays on the roof of the house.

Dad would've hated her being up here, but it's the quietest place she can think of without getting into her truck and sitting next to...

Where it had been going so well. Where Max's blood had pooled. Where everything changed.

Maybe it had been insane to hope that her best friend and her maybe sorta ex-girlfriend would get along and be friends too. But it had been working up until Max had just...

Her throat tightens and she shifts on, hugging herself with her free arm, the leather of her jacket scratching against the rough shingles and creaking as it stretches over her shoulders.

Max's limp body is both way too light and impossibly heavy as she pulls her from the truck.

Her arms and legs dangle freely, her head bounces with each step.

Chloe grits her teeth, but the memory doesn't go anywhere. The image lives on the backs of her eyelids.

A broken Max with a river of blood pouring from her nose.

Her eyes had still been blue then, right? A deep, dark blue like the distant ocean. Or had they already started to cloud?

Her throat is so tight she can barely breathe.

Nobody knew what happened. What if it happened again? What would Max lose next time? Nothing? Everything?

Chloe desperately chokes a fresh drag into her lungs, hoping the smothering rush of nicotine will kill that thought dead.

It doesn't work.

Max's sightless eyes stare back at her.

Why didn't you get me to the hospital faster?

Why didn't you save my sight?

Why didn't you kiss me?

A dare. A stupid fucking dare. Of all the ways. There was no way it had been serious. Max isn’t really someone to dare someone. It just doesn't make sense.

Besides, Max needs Chloe to get her around town. She can't fuck that up. She just needs to make sure she isn't giving her the wrong idea or pressuring her into anything.

That's not even getting into things with Rachel.

She still has no idea what she wants to do with her. Sure, the sex in the hotel was great. Rachel’s still Rachel. But it doesn’t erase what she did. It’s clear that she’s trying to do better and be better, but how much can Chloe trust it?

Seriously, though, why a dare? Daring Max to do something stupid was always Chloe's thing, why would Max suddenly do something like that? And it's not like Rachel would tell her to, why would Rachel want to set them up?

Unless Rachel's changed her mind about things. Unless Rachel doesn't want to try again. Unless Rachel's fucking leaving and never looking back.

Something thuds against the fence.

Chloe sits up. Her head snaps toward the sound. A pair of hands with well-painted nails grab the edge of the roof. Rachel's face follows them as she scrambles up and onto the roof.

"What fuck?" Chloe asks, her cigarette tumbling from her fingers and falling onto the roof.

"I've been texting you all fucking day." Rachel grunts as she hauls herself up, getting onto her hands and knees before she starts to crawl up the roof. "First Max locks herself in her room and plays her guitar all day, now you're ghosting me. What the hell is going on?"

"Like you don't know."

The flash of fury in Rachel's eyes tells Chloe that was the wrong answer. "No, Chloe Elizabeth Price, I don't have a fucking clue. All I know is that the two people that I– You’re the only two people I really fucking give a shit about. I left you alone for a day and suddenly you’ve stopped talking to each other and me. I can handle Max acting all hella weird after losing her vision or you being all mopey and withdrawn, but both of you at the same time is too fucking much."

"Max didn't tell you, then, huh." Chloe’s shoulders as she fishes out a fresh cigarette from her jacket.

"She hasn't told anyone anything. She isn't even opening her door for Kate." Rachel crawls up level with Chloe before rolling over and sitting down next to her, eyes blazing and arms crossed over her chest. "So, for the last time, what happened?”

Not even Kate? Chloe closes her eyes and rolls the cigarette between her fingers. There's no escaping Rachel when she gets like this. She'd make a good journalist. "It was the weirdest fucking thing. She dared me to kiss her. Who does that?"

Chloe opens her eyes to see Rachel staring at her like she'd just seen a ghost. "Seriously?"

"Double dog dared me and everything."

"That's– And you thought it was a prank?"

Chloe shrugs as she puts the cigarette between her lips and grabs her lighter. "What the hell else would it have been?"

"Oh my god, Chloe," Rachel sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose, "She... Fuck. That’s a page out of your book."

"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" Chloe inhales deeply, letting the stinging smoke fill her lungs. Her pulse kicks up and the world feels a little sharper.

“Holy fuck, you giant dork.” Rachel grinds the heels of her palms against her eyes before glaring at Chloe. “It means that's how you would have asked for a kiss!"

Chloe's throat tightens as she stares at Rachel. "What? No way, I wouldn't do that. That's ridiculous. Who fucking dares someone to kiss them? We’re not in middle school."

Rachel stares at Chloe for what feels like an eternity before throwing up her hands. Rachel turns away from her and lays down on the roof. "This is-- You know what? Fuck it. I'm not doing this right now. You get to figure this one out on your own. Just stop freezing her out, okay? I can't deal with you two fighting when I’m trying to fundraise for those fucking textbooks."

Chloe plucks the cigarette from her lips and holds up in the air. A dark little voice in her head tells her to push the cherry into the back of her hand. She's a fuck up again, somehow. "I'm not-- Look, I'm just fucked up that she did that. I'll talk to her. I just need a bit, okay?"

"I'm not saying that you need to forget that it happened or whatever. I can live if you both sulk for a couple of days. But I need her to actually be there when she meets my dad instead of pouting in her room and playing emo shit on her guitar."

"She's doing what?" Chloe half laughs as her stomach drops. Why would Max be sulking like that after a prank gone wrong? Was she just supposed to have laughed it off or something? 

"The fucking mopiest music. You should have seen Kate standing in front of her door like a lost puppy. Poor thing didn't know if she was supposed to knock on her door to try and talk to her or grab her violin for a duet. I got her to watch some sappy rom coms with Dana instead. Natalie's a fucking mess thinking she's done something wrong because Max has barely said a word to her."

Chloe's sags, rolling the lit cigarette between her fingers. That shitty little voice in her gets louder and louder. She doesn't even deserve the nicotine buzz. She's such a fuck up. Max has been going through hell, she tries one silly little prank and Chloe blows up on her. "God, I'm such a fucking asshole."

"Welcome to the club." Rachel kicks her feet out, crosses one leg over the other, and tucks her hands behind her head. "The Blackwell Fuck-Ups. Just like old times."

Eyeing Rachel, Chloe finally puts the filter back in her mouth before she can get any other bright ideas. "Except I'm already expelled and you’re not fucking up right now."

Rachel waves a hand in the air. "Details. I’m still dealing with my past fuck ups."

"Maybe I should have just gone along with the dare." Chloe scratches at her forehead with a thumb as she puffs away. "She would have just backed out anyways."

"What would you have done if she hadn't?"

Chloe's head jerks up. Rachel's facing away from her, but the question doesn't sound like a bait or a barb. If anything she sounds open. It's weird. Her heart picks up its pace. "I guess I would’ve kissed her."

"Are you sure you wouldn't have been the one who would have chickened out?" 

"Me? No way. I mean it's just a kiss, right? Kisses are nothing. How many people do you think I've kissed by now?"

"None of those people are Max Caulfield." Rachel's voice is weird. She’s so quiet and vulnerable. "There's nobody else out there like her."

"What're you trying to get at? That we'd like elope or something?"

Rachel rolls over and gets up onto her knees, glaring down at Chloe. "If you idiots hook up and don't at least invite me to the wedding, I’ll haunt you and your bloodline for all eternity."

"Fat fucking chance of that happening. It was just a dare, chill." Chloe laughs, rolling her eyes. It's a dumb, over dramatic joke, but she can't help but wonder if Rachel actually means it, or if Max did as well.

All that matters is Max needs her right now. She can’t fuck this up.

Notes:

Huge shout out to mFictionist for helping me edit and proofread on short notice.

Chapter 11: Crosstalk

Figuring out what had happened hadn’t prepared Rachel for hearing Chloe say it out loud. A dare. Of all the stupid things to try…

She stares at the heavy bags under her eyes and the tangled mess of her hair. It’s going to take forever to brush it all out.

Chloe had always kept part of her heart reserved for one Max Caulfield, table for two. It didn’t take a genius to know that they’d try and get together. Max is bad at hiding her feelings and Chloe’s even worse. What’s weird is the fact that she’s not upset about it. She should be, she wants to chase after what happened in the motel. So, why is she mad at Chloe for turning Max down? 

Her hands grab a lock of hair and her brush. Anger and jealousy should be there. Max has her totally boxed in, there’s nothing she can do to stop her. Trying to talk Max out of it would only upset both her and Chloe. But she doesn’t actually want to. She can still remember being scared of them getting together, but all she can find is an ache not to be left behind. 

She can already picture it. Max and Chloe feverishly locking lips and pulling off each other’s clothes. Hands slide over waists and bodies press together. Warmth spreads through her core as she turns the mental image over and over, finding new angles to watch the pent up passion pouring out. Her heart flutters as the imaginary Max’s fingers grab fistfuls of Chloe’s hair, and her grip tightens around her brush as Chloe’s mouth goes for Max’s neck.

Really? Right now? Rachel asks her reflection as she pulls her brush down through a few loose knots. Her thighs press together and her heart beats faster. What the fuck is wrong with me?

No matter how hard she pulls at her hair, the fantasy remains stuck in the folds of her brain. She’s no Mr. Brightside. There wasn’t even a kiss. What the fuck is happening? Why can’t she stop picturing Max working off Chloe’s top like she’s done a hundred times before?

“When was the last time I got fucked?” The brush clatters to the table as Rachel squirms in her chair and rubs her temples. That’s it. She’s just horny, and she knows that the moment those two stop fucking around they’re start fucking each other. 

Who knew that the shy little wall flower could beat Chloe at her own game? It’s just another oddity to grow on the growing pile. She never imagined that Max would be the one to make the first move, and she has no idea how to start processing that.

Rachel scowls at herself in the mirror and massages her temples. She definitely needs more sleep. And to get laid, or at least pull out her vibrator more. Her body hums with need as her imaginary Max takes over Chloe’s lap, sucking on her neck and riding on Chloe’s talented fingers. “You’re going fucking insane. Max had a seizure. They happen, and personality changes can happen after a brain injury.”

The words are totally hollow. Something is wrong with Max. She talks the same, walks the same, but she’s not acting the same. She’s so much more intense now, and was Rachel just imagining things when she’d laid on top of her? Could tripping Rachel up over her going blind be considered flirting?

That might be a bit of a reach, but still. Rachel’s Blackwell’s theatre queen. She’s always on stage, especially when she’s not. She can spot someone putting on an act at a mile’s distance, and Max is no thespian. She could excuse a lot of it as Max trying to put on a brave face, but not after this.

It’s not enough to confront her, for all Rachel knows she’ll just collapse into a ball of self pity and that’ll just piss off Chloe.

Something deep in Rachel tells her that it’s not the confidence that’s the front, which only begs the question. What is Max really hiding? It can’t be her sexuality, that’s not a secret anymore. (Not that it was really one to start with.) It’s not her struggles with her disabilities, she’s not shy about them. And there’s no super secret past that Rachel doesn’t know about, Chloe can vouch for most of it and Max’s stories line up with her polaroids.

Frustration and worry stare back at her in the mirror. It feels like she's trying to solve a puzzle with half the pieces missing. It makes her brain itch. Rachel Amber knows people, she knows how they tick and what their buttons are. That’s what she does. Acting’s the only thing she’s good at.

She thought she’d found Max’s buttons. Gentle affirmation and attention, a little gentle nudge out of her comfort zone here, a playful grin there, and lots of reassurance. Those still work, sort of, but it’s like someone rewrote the rules midway through the game. She’s standing up for herself, going for what she wants, and fighting like hell.

Her mind fills with fantasies of Max pushing Chloe down onto the bed before putting her mouth between her freckled thighs. Max reaches back and cute little moans fill the air as Chloe’s tongue gets to work. Rachel gives in as Max’s hand glides between Chloe’s legs. She just needs to clear her head.

“Just what in the world’s gotten into you, Max Caulfield?” Rachel asks her reflection, biting her lip as her fingers find their mark.

---

 

Max’s fingers slide down the G string as she jams out to music this version of her never would have listened to. A long lost Chloe’s resurrected playlist blasts angry acoustic punk rock over her ear buds. She misses this Chloe. It’d been a fun experiment that had ended like all the others. Just call her right away, fess up her feelings, and spend a few days being girlfriends. Chloe could only let go of her fears about Rachel for a few days, but it was great while it lasted.

The tracklists from a past Chloe’s hastily made mix CDs still burn bright in her memory, one last sign that Chloe was here. At least, that one, specific Chloe.

She's lost so many. Too many.

What she wouldn’t do to have all of them here with her now, let them see that they were right, she could do it and that it was worth the cost.

Wasn’t it?

Her fingers tighten on the strings.

The pain still crushes her heart.

Her feelings are not some stupid fucking joke.

But how could she ever measure up to the Rachel Amber, who might be the reason she gets to stay here at all. And for what, to sit and listen to her slowly getting back together with Chloe? Is this the universe spitting in her face?

The singer’s flow about how he’s a terrible person is cut off by the cheery chime of her phone, totally throwing her off beat. “Text from,” the robotic voice announces, “Chloe.”

Everything comes to a screeching halt as she fumbles around to unlock her phone using the voiceover. Her heart is in her throat as she opens the text and listens.

[Chloe | 9:05am]

sorry 

i’m such an asshole

i'm in the parking lot if you wanna talk

A smile tugs at the corners of Max’s mouth and a laugh follows it. Of course Chloe’s already apologizing. Why would she doubt that for a second? Chloe’s always quick to take the blame and apologize, especially when she’s not responsible for whatever happened. And this early? Whatever she wants to say can’t wait.

Her fingers rub over the sides of her phone as she tries to figure out her reply. She wants to see her, of course she does. The scalding shame rolls away with the turning of the tides, leaving the scattered mess of her hopes and dreams behind. She wants even more to try and get that kiss. That’s what this is about, right? At the very least she can actually talk to her about it, like she should have from the start.

I’ve become too much of a romantic for my own good. You’re such a good bad influence. Max snorts before speaking aloud to her phone.

[Max | 9:15am]

Thanks, that means a lot. I’ll be right down.

Getting dressed is a breeze thanks to the tags that Rachel and Kate put on her clothes. She really needs to thank them. At least she already knows what Kate’s reaction to her and Chloe’s going to be, she’s seen it in enough timelines. Still, it’s a shame she won’t see it again, it’s so fucking cute.

She halts, running her fingers over the tags again. Some of these sound different to her old wardrobe. The sizing is different too. Are some of these Chloe’s? Rachel’s? The black print Ts are probably Chloe’s. Almost certainly Chloe’s. She grabs one, a pair of jeans, and starts getting dressed. She hasn’t showered yet, but Chloe’s not going to care.

Too bad she can’t ask Rachel, Kate, or even Dana to do her makeup, they’re all heading to class by now. 

She’s out the door as fast as her tapping cane can take her. It still hurts her brain a bit, but she’s getting the hang of things. Sure, can’t really run, but she’s able to move pretty quickly down the stairs and out of the dorms. The grounds are a different matter though, and she slows down to make sure she doesn’t run into anyone. Brooke’s drone buzzes around overhead and she can hear the smack of a football against palms, but nobody bothers her as she makes her way to the service road.

That is, until she hears a familiar voice.

“Hey Max!” Warren shouts, and she can hear the rapid slapping of shoes on pavement. “Wasn’t expecting to see you outside, did you get some good news?”

“You could say that.” Max nods in the direction of his voice as she keeps on moving, trying to remember exactly how far it is to the steps.

“Are they going to let you stay? I heard about Rachel organizing a fundraiser for your books. It’s so beyond lame that they’d try and kick you out over that.”

“It’s all up to Rachel on that,” Max says as she taps around looking for the start of the stairs. They should be right there, but instead the tip of her cane meets solid concrete, “I’m just heading to the parking lot.”

“Oh, let me help you out! The stairs are right here.”

Max opens her mouth to protest but Warren grabs her cane arm and pulls her to the side. She yelps, flailing to remain on her feet. Her fingers tighten around her cane as his other hand grabs her shoulder and keeps her upright.

“Come on, first step.”

“Warren!” Max shouts as he drags her forward. Her foot hits the first step. She desperately flails out with her other foot. “Let me go!”

“It’s okay, Maximo, I got you! I’ll help you get there in no time.”

He keeps pulling on her cane arm. She tries to take the next step, but misjudges the distance and smashes her toes. The only thing that keeps her from toppling forward and smashing her face on the steps is Warren’s grip. She needs to get him to stop, but her voice freezes up. The next step is already coming.

“Whoa, do you need me to slow down? It’s too bad there’s not a ramp or something.”

“What the fuck are you doing?” Rachel’s voice fills Max’s hearing and another pair of hands wrap around her other arm, pulling her upright and steady. “Let her go!”

Warren’s hand around her wrist grips tighter, and it’s all Max can do to keep her feet planted on the ground. “I’m just helping her, lay off!”

Rachel’s hands don’t tug, but they don’t let go either. “ This isn’t helping! She’s fine taking the stairs all by herself, you almost made her fall. You don’t want to know what Chloe would do to someone who hurt her. Now let! Go!”

“Geez, fine, kill me trying to help out.” Warren’s hands finally let go and Max nearly stumbles from the sudden release of force. “Catch you later, Maxinator.”

“Next time ask if I need help!” Max rasps out from her tight throat. Blood roars in her ears as her heart pounds. She stands at the ground with her cane, trying to figure out where the steps are.

“Do you need help?” Rachel’s suddenly gentle voice float through her hearing. Her hands don’t quite let go, but they aren’t holding her up anymore.

“I… Thanks.” Max takes a deep breath as she taps her way over to the side of the stairs, where she braces herself and takes in a few breaths. “What the fuck was that?”

“He’s trying to impress his crush,” Rachel sighs, “In the dumbest way possible.”

“Eugh. No thanks.” She gave him a chance, once. Made some moves on him just to see what happened. She’s not interested in following that path twice.

“Oh, ow!” Rachel’s laughter eases Max’s tense muscles and her heart starts to slow down to a normal pace. “Guess he’s toast.”

“He’s… a weird younger brother. With boundary issues.” Max shrugs, wishing she didn’t have to even bother trying to defend him.

“Hella boundary issues. So, what brings you out of your room?”

“I’m, uh, going to talk to Chloe.” Max can feel her face heating up as she starts moving up the stairs again. “She’s waiting in the parking lot.”

“I had a feeling that’s why she was here,” Rachel sighs, high and bright, “Is there anyone else she’d get up this early for?”

“You.” Max says as she reaches the top step and leans against the railing as the last of the adrenaline ebbs from her system.

“That’s sweet of you to say,” Rachel’s voice trails off and Max hears her shuffle closer, “Are you doing okay?”

“I’m… fine. I’m just so fucking sick of people treating me like I can’t take care of myself.” Max clenches her teeth before sighing. “Thanks for… Not being like that.”

“I do what I can.” There’s something odd about Rachel’s tone, but she can’t place it, not exactly. “So. Do I get to know why you two spent yesterday not talking?”

“I, uh…” Crap, Rachel’s probably the last person who wants to hear this. Max’s cheeks start burning as she turns to face Rachel’s voice. She bites her lip and tightens her grip around the cane. Twin impulses wage war in her head. She’s a bad liar, she always has been. But Rachel still feels something for Chloe, doesn’t she? She sighs and taps her cane against the ground.  “I, um, I dared Chloe to kiss me, and she treated it like it was a joke.”

Silence stretches out for agonizingly slow seconds.“It wasn’t one, was it?”

A yawning pit opened up in Max’s stomach. Of course. There’s no hiding anything from her, is there? “No. It wasn’t. I even double dog dared her.”

Rachel half laughs, it’s soft, and accompanied by a gentle pat on the shoulder. “Chloe really is dense, isn’t she?”

“Y-yeah.” Max’s lips are dry. “And you’re okay with…?”

“I’m—I… You’re both pretty obvious about each other. So, I figured that something like this would happen eventually. I just didn’t expect you to be the one to make the move. So, uh, way to go.”

“You’re not mad at me?”

Rachel sighs, low and heavy as there’s the shuffling of shoes and fabric, before Rachel talks again, her voice much lower, “I don’t think I get to be after what I did. And you don’t have to worry about the fundraiser, I’m not about to give up on that. Just… don’t forget about me, okay?”

A shiver runs up Max’s spine. She can still smell the rot. “No. Never. Nobody could ever forget about you.”

Rachel snorts softly, and her feet tap on the steps. Her words are barely above a hoarse whisper, “Well… go get her, tiger.”

---

 

Chloe's hands won't stop shaking.

This is such a bad idea.

Nothing feels real, and her hands won't stop shaking.

She shouldn’t have come here.

She's a passenger in her own body. Everything smells of copper. Why won't her hands stop shaking?

She should have waited for a day. or even a few more hours.

Her truck is too hot even though the heater isn't working. The air is stale and stuffy and her bra is too tight or something.

She has to do this now, or she’ll be too chickenshit to ever do it. 

Max is coming.

Chloe has to talk to Max about Max daring her to kiss her. A dare that wasn't a joke according to Rachel. 

Max has no idea how bad of an idea this is. 

It doesn't feel real. Max is her best friend. Max is the girl she always went trick-or-treating with. Max is the girl she stared at the stars with. Max is the girl that she talked about first boyfriends and kisses with.

Some seeing-eye Chloe she is.

Max lost her vision while Chloe was driving in this too small and stuffy truck.

Chloe just fucks everything up.

Max is just confused. That has to be it, there’s no way that Max would think this is a good idea if she was thinking clearly. Chloe's been doing all this stuff to help her out, so maybe she's just feeling closer than normal? Maybe she thinks Chloe is better than she is?

Maybe Chloe should have said yes, but wouldn't that be taking advantage of– 

Her phone buzzes.

[Max | 9:34am]

Is your engine running? I don't know where you’re parked.

Chloe's head snaps up. Max is walking along on the far end of the parking lot, her cane tapping against wheels and bumpers. Her chest squeezes. How long has Max been looking for her? Would she even find her without help? A simple turn of the key and a quick text is all it takes. Max turns and starts bee lining her way over, her cane waving and probing. It's almost enough to get Chloe bounding out of her seat to go and get her, but she's not sure her legs are even working right now.

She just watches as Max gets closer and closer.

She has no idea what to say.

Max's cane finds the bumper and her hands feel along the side panels.

What the fuck is she going to say?

The latch clicks and the door swings open.

"Hey, Max!" Her words come out too high and too excited, but what else can she say.

Max's shoulders roll back and she even manages to smile as she climbs up into the truck and closes the door. "Hey, Chloe."

Chloe's mouth freezes in place as she stares at Max. Is she okay? Her face is a little red. But the silence is getting awkward, so she has to say something. The truth is what comes out. "So, I'm an asshole."

“Chloe—”

“It’s alright,” sighs Chloe, “you can say it. You wanted me to kiss you and I treated it like a bad joke.”

Seconds tick by as Max stares at her with those big frosted eyes, her hands gripping her folded up cane. “I mean… I shouldn’t have dared you like that.”

“Doesn’t matter. Everyone knows that a double dog dare is serious shit.”

Something like a giggle comes out of Max as she shifts in her seat. “Still. I should have asked for what I wanted.”

Chloe’s hands grip the steering wheel, and she tries to will herself into feeling it fully. She needs to be here and now, not a million miles away watching herself. But time isn’t on her side, she can’t just leave Max hanging. “Why do you? Want me, I mean.”

“Because I like you? I don’t understand, what kind of question is that?” 

“Okay, but like… why?”

“Because you’re you? Why do I need a reason?” Max furrows her brow in confusion and fidgets in her seat.

“I just…” Chloe sighs and brushes back her hair. Her throat is so dry, why does she have no water? She should have brought something to drink for this. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“What?” Max’s voice gets all tight and a quick glance shows tears welling up in her eyes already. “I don’t understand. I love you, how can that be a bad thing?”

Chloe fishes out her crumpled pack of cigarettes and pulls one out, tapping the filter against the steering wheel and wishing she could just light up with Max with the windows closed. “Because I’m a fuckup. You’ve been back for like a month, you barely know me anymore.”

“And what if I’ve felt this way since we were kids? What if I still feel that way about you now, even after seeing how much you’ve changed? Because I’ve felt this way basically since I set eyes on you again.”

Fuck, Max just had to say that, didn’t she? Whatever she has that passes as resolve starts crumbling as she looks at Max. Chloe’s never been good at relationships. Most of them never lasted more than a couple weeks, and those were all with a bunch of really shitty guys. The closest thing she ever had to one was with Rachel, and just look how that ended. All she can do is look at Max’s earnest, pleading expression and wobbling lip. “I…” Blood trickles out of Max’s nose. It gushes out, flowing over her lips and staining her shirt. Rachel’s terrified screams echo around the cab. Something is crushing her chest. “I can’t . You need me and I’ll just hurt you, I’m not over Rachel and I can’t fuck that up because she might not want to fund-raise anymore and you don’t know what you’re asking for—”

“I’m so sick of people treating me like I’m a fucking doll!” Max screams. Tears roll down her cheeks. “I’m not made out of porcelain, I’m a person ! You, Warren, my fucking Mom, everyone is acting like I’m going to fall apart if they breath on me wrong or like I can’t even tie my shoe laces! You don’t like me like that? Fine! Just say so instead of treating me like I need to be covered in bubble wrap and put in a glass case. Yeah, I went blind. That doesn’t mean I don’t know who I am or who I love, but if you’re not ready for that then fuck you ! I do love you, but I thought you were better than this.”

Chloe doesn’t move as the door to her truck slams shut. Her mouth doesn’t work. Max’s blood streaked face stares back at her in the rearview mirror. It’s her fault. It’s all her fault. Just like it always is.

It starts to rain.

She starts to cry.

Notes:

Shoutout to RileyBranwen for helping with this chapter. Check out her fic Invisible String!

Chapter 12: Burning

Max’s lowest point had been in the junkyard; when Jefferson had slipped a needle into her neck and made her watch Chloe die. It still haunts her nightmares even after she’s torn apart time to erase it. All of it driven by a selfish need to not have to choose between her love and the town.

It had been pure, unadulterated hubris of her to expect to be able to just declare her love for Chloe all over again and have things work out. She didn’t dramatically crash back into Chloe’s life. There’s no desperate search for a missing girl to bind them together. This Chloe still has the singularly captivating Rachel Amber around, why would Max expect her to look at her twice?

Hot coals of rejection sear her heart with every beat. 

Chloe had always been the person to stand up for her when people assumed she couldn’t speak for herself. She’d always had Max’s back when her parents had acted like she was still a five year old. She’d always listened to Max and believed her.

Jagged splinters of anguish dig into the folds of her grey-matter as she storms into the woods behind Blackwell. Hot tears roll down her cheeks.

Stupid.

So.

Fucking.

Stupid.

There's no rewind, she just has to live with Chloe’s bullshit rejection. Like hell Chloe would ever hurt her. Push her out of her comfort zone? Definitely. Cause a little mayhem? Almost certainly. Get her in trouble? More than likely. But actually, genuinely hurt her? The only time Chloe’s ever came close was when she’d freaked out over Rachel and Frank, and honestly half of that was Max’s fault for being jealous of a corpse.

Now she can be jealous of the very much living and breathing Rachel.

Branches slap her face, cutting scratches over her cheeks and arms. Max doesn’t stop as she taps her way around trees and rocks. She has no destination. She just needs to get away. Anywhere is better than having to face Blackwell right now.

A root snags her toes. She crashes into the unrelenting embrace of the earth. Her ankle throbs.

Birds sing to her as she cries. The boughs and winds whisper comforting nothings to her as she wails.

Chloe hasn’t just rejected her. She’s treating Max just like everyone else does. Tiny. Helpless. Pathetic .

Who is Max without Chloe?

In Seattle she was quiet, meek, and afraid to speak up for herself.

She got a few tastes over her many repeats of that week. Getting a little mean with Victoria, or tender with Kate. But nothing solid. Nothing as powerful as who she can be with Chloe at her side.

Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe she should have just let the universe turn Chloe into roadkill. Maybe all of this is the cosmos getting the last laugh.

Water splashes on Max’s forehead.

She frowns. Where had that come from?

The deafening roar of a thousand raindrops crashing into the canopy fills her ears.

“That’s not good.” She swallows and pats over her pockets for her phone. It’s not there. Her throat tightens. “That’s really not good.”

---

 

Rachel stares at her notebook. Heavy rain lashes against the windows of her AP history class, but she’s not paying attention. She already knows the material front and back, and class is almost over anyways. Her phone is the quietest it's ever been since Max got that keyboard. Which probably means what she thinks it means. Imagination spins with mental images of a truck in a far off parking lot with fogged windows and desperate, fumbling hands.

Why had she wished Max luck? Why had she meant it?

She needs this stupid class to be over. At least she can go eat and talk to some people during lunch. Anything to get her mind off of those two fucking their brains out.

The bell rings and Rachel leaps to her feet, heading for the relative quiet of the first floor bathroom. She splashes cool water on her face and stares into the silly graffiti in the mirror of glasses, a mustache, and a crown. She's not sure who made it, it's not Chloe's usual handiwork and it's weirdly persistent. 

The jester queen of Blackwell stares back through the drawn glasses. She’s earned this. She cheated on Chloe. She ruined everything. She’ll hold up her end of the bargain and pick up the pieces after they ride off into the sunset. She deserves to get left behind.

Her phone buzzes and she raises an eyebrow. Kate's calling her. 

"Hey Katie, what's up?"

"Hey Rachel, I was just wondering if you know where Max is. Her dorm is empty and she isn't answering my calls. I just wanted to make sure that she actually ate something today."

"She's probably with Chloe," says Rachel, pinching the bridge of her nose. Should she tell Kate? Probably not. "I'll give her a call."

"Thanks, I really appreciate it."

"No problem, talk to you in a minute."

Frowning, Rachel pulls out her phone and dials Chloe. The first call goes to voicemail, but the second time a loud sniffle greets her. "Rachel?"

Hairs stand up on the back of Rachel’s neck. "Are you crying?"

"Yeah. I, uh… I fucked up Rachel."

"What?” An icepick stabs into her chest. “Where's Max?"

"I don't know. I told her it wasn't a good idea and she just took off and I--"

"Chloe Elizabeth Price," Rachel shouts, "you had better fucking tell me where she went right now!"

"I don't know! I didn't exactly--"

Rachel hangs up and frantically dials Max. It rings, and rings, and rings.

"Hi, you've reached Max Caulfield, just leave a message after the beep!"

Rachel dials again. And again. And again.

---

 

Max presses herself into the hollow of a tree. Her whole body is shivering, and her teeth won’t stop chattering. She clutches her cane in numb fingers. She has no idea how long she’s been out here for, but she’s not completely soaked so she has that going for her.

She can faintly hear her phone ringing. S omeone is looking for her. She could wait out the storm, but there’s no telling how long it’ll last, or how long she will.

She’s so cold.

William always had a saying whenever they went camping. Cotton kills. When it gets wet it sucks out all of your body heat, so you need to make sure to wear something else if you’re going out in the woods. Everything Max is wearing is made out of cotton.

Chloe might know where she went, but she can’t exactly count on her right now. Her only hope is that phone, but that means getting soaked. Not even her rewind would have gotten her out of this one.

Just get to the phone before they hang up or it dies.

Taking a deep breath to compose herself, she tilts her head from side to side and focuses on the ringing. She can sort of make out which direction the sound is coming from. She pulls herself up the tree to stand up. She takes a step.

Her ankle gives out and she topples to the ground.

Max cries out as rain patters over her back. No turning back now. She crawls on all fours, groping ahead of her to feel out the rocks and trees as she crawls. The mud is slimy between her fingers. Roots and stones dig into her palms and knees. One of the legs of her pants rips at the knee.

The sounds of her phone steadily grow closer.

Her teeth won’t stop chattering.

Her hand slaps against the source of the sound. She holds the familiar rectangle of glass and plastic tight to her body, feeling around for which side has the screen before swiping against it to pick up the call. “Hello?”

“Max?! Holy shit! Where are you?”

It’s Rachel. Oh thank god, it’s Rachel. She starts shuffling back the way she came, trying to find the hollow again. Some shelter is better than nothing. “Rachel! I can’t tell you how grateful I am to hear your voice. I’m lost in the woods behind Blackwell. I fell and I definitely hurt my ankle.”

“Okay, just sta—”

Max desperately presses the few buttons on her phone, but nothing happens. “Fuck!”

She keeps going, feeling her way with numb hands to the hollow in the tree. She just hopes they’ll find her soon.

---

 

“Max!” Rachel’s throat aches from screaming. Her toes are frozen in her boots. Her face is soaked, even with her rain jacket. All around her in the forest are people shouting with her. Kate, Dana, Hayden, Logan, Juliet, Natalie, Victoria, and just about everyone she could grab in the cafeteria. She’s pretty sure some teachers are out here too, and the cops are probably on their way. Maybe. If anyone even thought to call them.

All she knows is that Max is lost in the woods.

The only thing keeping her warm right now is her burning rage at Chloe. Your best friend wanting to make out with you is probably the easiest softball pitch in the world. How could she fuck things up this badly? What the hell happened in that truck? 

Chloe was always a mess around women, but this?

They were going to have to have a Talk. A very loud, very one sided Talk.

After Rachel finds Max, and gets her warm and dry.

She can see it already. Max’s pale features turned to ice from the cold, her spare frame limp, and her soft lips blue. She’s already held Max’s limp body in her arms once, she’s not in a hurry for a repeat.

Her boots squelch in the mud. Rocks and roots tug at her as she keeps her eyes up and scanning.

Max can’t have gotten too far from the parking lot. Sure, she’s been out here for a few hours, but she’s still blind and not exactly athletic.

“Max!” Desperation fills her lungs. The rain and the forest swallow up her voice.

They have to find her.

They just have to.

This can’t just be the end of Max Caulfield. Not after everything she’s gone through. They’ll find her. It’ll be okay. She’ll just be a bit banged up and cold, but she’ll be okay.

She has to be okay.

“Max!” She shrieks, straining her ears to hear something. Anything.

“I found her!”

Rachel takes off running. It sounds like Hayden. She vaults fallen tree trunks and skids along in the mud, her arms pinwheeling as her momentum carries her forward. Her forearms break through brush and bush as she races towards the voice. I’ll get there. Just hang on Max.

She finds Hayden standing next to a tree, holding up his umbrella as he squats down. Max is sitting in the hollow of a tree, hugging her cane and shaking like a leaf.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay Max,” Hayden says, looking up at Rachel and smiling, “Helps here, Rachel’s right there.”

“She’s going to yell at me.” Max’s slurs, but that’s okay. She’s still talking.

“Damn right I am, once you’re inside and warm.” Rachel licks her lips as she squats down with Hayden in front of Max. More footsteps are following behind her and coming from the other directions. Max’s lips aren’t blue but she’s ghostly pale. “We need to get her inside right now and get her out of those clothes. Can you carry her?”

“Yeah, it shouldn't be a problem. You cool with being carried Max?”

“No! Don’t carry me!”

“Is she okay?” Dana asks as she rounds a tree. Her cheeks are red and she’s panting.

“She will be once she gets inside.” A brainwave strikes. She knows that Max is cool with Hayden, but if she’s going to ask someone to carry Max without her wanting that, asking a girl to do it is her least worst option. “Actually, Dana, can you carry her while Hayden keeps people away? The last thing she needs is to get swarmed.” 

“For sure. I can pick up just about any girl on the cheer squad and they’re all bigger than her.”

Hayden glances at Rachel and nods, passing Rachel his umbrella as Dana steps over.

Rachel pulls off her rain jacket and drapes it over Max before picking up Hayden’s umbrella. “Here. Dana’s going to carry you to my dorm. I’ll get you warmed up and into some fresh clothes.”

“No yelling at me.” Max shifts around as Rachel holds the umbrella over her. “I don’t want to be carried, I’m fine right here.”

Dana steps forward and reaches out to Max. “Sorry. Rachel says I’m carrying you, so I’m carrying you.”

“No… Don’t touch me!” Max protests and she tries to push her arms away, but her movements are beyond clumsy and Dana easily overpowers her. Rachel winces but doesn't look away. There aren’t exactly a lot of options right now.

Dana turns around and backs up to Max while holding her arms before leveraging Max up and onto her back. Max keeps struggling for a few moments before seeming to accept her fate as she wraps her arms around Dana, who grabs Max’s thighs and stands up with her on her back.

“This is just to get you back to the dorms, okay?” Rachel pats Max on the shoulder and holds the umbrella high. She flashes Dana an apologetic smile. “Come on, let’s get moving.”

Notes:

Sorry for the late (and relatively short) chapter, but I feel like it's fitting that a story about polyamory is delayed because of my own (wonderful) poly shenanigans. Hope you all enjoy!

Chapter 13: Freezing

Max’s body is pins and needles. Her fingers and toes won’t listen to her. She can’t stop shivering. She barely notices as Dana lowers her onto the bed. The door shuts and Rachel starts pulling off her clothes. She’s so stupid.

Stupid for daring Chloe to kiss her.

Stupid for expecting anything other than rejection.

Stupid with a dumbshit cherry on top for running off into the woods when she’s fucking blind .

She should be dead right about now. She should still be out in those Except Rachel saved her. It’s impossible not to smile at the irony.

“Arms up.” Rachel’s gentle voice pushes past the numbness as gentle hands peel off her sweater and soaked shirt. A shiver jolts through her as her skin is exposed to the air. “Legs.”

Max grumbles as Rachel peels back the soaked denim. She gasps in pain as the fabric tugs at her foot and ankle.

“We’ll have to take care of that knee, and you should probably have a doctor look at that ankle. At least you’ve got a cool rip in your jeans now.”

Max’s skin flushes with goosebumps. “I’m fine, did you want me to take off everything?”

“Yeah, we need to get you out of anything wet and then under the blankets. I just need to clean your knee first.”

Great. She has to get naked in front of Rachel. If she wasn’t half frozen she’d be burning up.This is her own stupid fault. She tries to force her arms around but instead she jerks in agony as Rachel touches her knee with something and the burning agony of antiseptic follows. “That bad, huh?”

“It’s skinned to shit. Hopefully it won’t get infected. I’m going to put a bandage on it real quick.”

Max nods in the direction of her voice as she tries to bend her stuff, shaking, and burning fingers into a claw to start working on the clasp. Rachel’s soft hands push against her knee, pressing a pad down against the throbbing. Max manages to get her fingers to close around the fabric, but the hooks stubbornly defy her. A weight joins her on the bed. Rachel’s voice fills her ear, “Here, let me help.”

Max freezes. Rachel’s breathing is unsteady as her fingers grab the band. She swears she hears a slight hitch as those hands push together and unhook the clasp. There’s no way. It has to be her imagination. Rachel’s just been running around in the woods and freaking out. No duh she’s going to be breathing heavily. Rachel’s hands pull the bra the rest of the way off Max’s stiff arms and the weight leaves the bed.

“Are you okay to handle your underwear while I do your socks? I don’t want to make this weird.”

“I can do it.” Max licks her lips as she starts working her panties off. Was that a waver in the unflappable Rachel Amber’s voice? Nah, couldn’t be.

Rachel’s hands gingerly pull off her socks. “At least your ankle doesn’t look too bad. Probably just a minor sprain. Go ahead and lay down. I’ll cover you up and then go get you something warm to drink and some fresh clothes.”

Max’s in no position to argue. Fatigue spreads through her bones and infects her muscles. There are worse places to be than Rachel’s bed. She lays down as thick, heavy blankets cover her.

“Just sit tight, I’ll be right back.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“You’d better not, or I’m never letting you out of my sight again. Do you hear me, Caulfield?”

Max snorts and draws her head down as far under the covers as she can. “Loud and clear.”

---

 

Rachel’s face burns as she turns her back to Max. Constellations of freckles dusting over slender shoulders and a delicate chest dance in her mind’s eye. She licks her dry lips. She hadn’t stared at Max after getting her bra off. She hadn’t .

So, why can’t she stop thinking about kissing that cute little chest or mapping out the freckles dotting her thighs?

Ugh, focus. You can focus on getting laid after Max is okay. Rachel chides herself, shaking her head as she opens her door and steps out into the hallway. Dana’s worried face greets her, with about half the search party milling around beyond her.

“How is she?” Dana asks while fidgeting with her hands.

“I think she’ll be okay. She needs to warm up and then get checked out by a doctor.”

“Poor thing,” interjects Juliet, “Do you know what she was doing out there? Warren said that she was heading to the parking lot.”

“Not really mine to say.” Rachel says before anyone can start rumour mongering, for Max’s sake more than anything. She can get every glaring at Chloe later.

“I mean if she was going to the parking lot, she had to be meeting Chloe.” Taylor oh so helpfully provides.

Rachel fights the urge to sigh. “I need to go get her some fresh clothes. She’ll talk about it when she’s ready to.” With that said, she starts pushing past the little crowd to Max’s dorm. The door shuts behind her and she breathes a sigh of relief. She shouldn’t linger, but she wants to. Max’s room is so cozy. She sits down on Max’s bed and stares at her little bear, Captain. “What the hell am I doing?”

The plush’s single black eye holds no answers for her. Her gaze drifts to Max’s memorial wall. All she can see are pictures of Max and Chloe. Even though Max was a giant wrench in her plans, she was the reason Chloe had even started talking to her again. Chloe had been the happiest she’d seen her in a while, things had been starting to look up.

Rachel sighs and looks away from the polaroids to the rest of the room. What happened to us? We were taking care of Max. We were sharing a motel room. We even had sex again and I don’t buy what she said about it not meaning anything. Did she reject Max for me?

She drags herself off the bed and over to Max’s closet to pick out Max’s favourite outfit. At least she can do this. She can’t imagine what Max must be feeling right now.

Stepping back out in the hallway, the crowd has wandered, replaced by Kate with a steaming mug in her hand, shuffling very carefully toward Rachel’s dorm. Cute as a button, as always. “Hey! Thanks for helping out.”

Kate beams without looking up. “Happy to lend a hand. How is she doing? Dana told me that she was going to be okay.”

“As okay as she can be with a sprained ankle and a banged up knee.” Rachel stands in front of her door and folds Max’s clothes over her arm. Her cheeks heat up again. “You should probably know that she’s not dressed right now. I can take that in for you, I’ll let her know it’s from you.”

A flush flashes over Kate’s face. She extends the mug out to Rachel and smiles sheepishly. “Right, of course. She has to be absolutely freezing. I’m glad that you’re taking such good care of her.”

“No need to be so modest, you’re helping a lot too.” Rachel returns Kate’s smile, but keeps it smooth and gentle. “I’m sure she’ll want to talk to you as soon as she’s dressed and warmed up.”

“Just be careful with it, it’s still very hot.”

Rachel takes the mug as gingerly as she can. “Thanks, I’m sure it’ll warm her up nicely, but what she’s really going to need are some sugary snacks.”

“Will do, I’ll get some right away.” Kate smiles and nods before scurrying away.

Rachel, glad for the sudden isolation, takes a deep breath and opens the door. “It’s me, I’ve got fresh clothes and some tea from Kate.”

A smile crosses Max’s face from her blanket cocoon. “Thanks, that’s sweet of her.”

Rachel kicks the door closed and crosses the room, setting Max’s clothes down on the foot of the bed while still holding the mug in her hands. “How’re you feeling?”

“A little warmer, but I’m still freezing. I can barely feel my fingers.”

A comment about sharing body heat crosses Rachel’s mind. “It’ll take a while, but this should help a bit, once it’s cooled down enough for you to drink it.”

“Can I hold it? My fingers feel like icicles.” Max shifts under the blankets and her hands poke out from under them.

“Sit up first, you don’t want to spill this.” Rachel shuffles up the bed before sitting down next to Max.

Max does indeed sit up, but either she’s too out of it or too distracted to pull the blankets up with her and they fall away from her chest. Rachel freezes up. Her throat tights. Max’s boobs are on full display. They’re hella cute. Small and perky. Rachel is acutely aware that Max is very much naked, and  in her bed. She shoves aside the urge to lean down and wrap her lips around one of those hard nipples. She’s supposed to be helping her right now. Focus. You can get laid later.

“Rachel?”

“I, uh… Your blanket fell off.” Rachel drags her eyes away from Max’s chest. Is it shitty that I’m glad she can’t see how red my face is right now?

“Oh, crap!” Max fumbles with the blankets as she tries to pull them up and over her chest. “Sorry, I didn’t even feel it fall down.”

“It’s okay, I just figured that you wouldn’t want to flash me.” Rachel does her best to smile before remembering she doesn’t have to. She licks her dry lips as Max reaches out again and hands her the mug of tea. “Just be careful, it’s still warm. Kate’s grabbing some snacks and your clothes on the bed.”

“I’ll put them on as soon as I can feel my fingers.” Max cups the mug in her hands and inhales, her face lighting up like a Christmas tree. “Ohhhh, she made my favourite! Honeybush with apple. We save it for special occasions like when one of us does well on a test.”

“That’s Kate for you,” says Rachel as she tears her eyes away from Max. Since when does Max beaming make her heart flutter? “Total sweetheart.”

“Thanks for taking care of me. Your bed is super warm, and it smells really nice. Lavender?”

Rachel’s chest squeezes and she shifts on the bed, reaching up to tuck some loose hair behind her ear. “Yeah, that’s my body wash. No need to thank me, I’m just glad that we found you. Focus on warming up, okay? We’ll get you to a doctor when you’re ready.”

---

 

“You’re going to have to wear this brace whenever you need it for a few months, but be careful. Only 7-8 hours a day, and only as needed.” Says the doctor. Max doesn’t know his name, and frankly she doesn’t really care. She’s too busy being mad at herself.

“Yup. Sorry.”

“We all make our mistakes. Getting used to a new disability is hard, you’re just lucky that this isn’t too bad. At least you won’t have to use crutches and your cane at the same time. Now, what do you do for the pain?”

“Ibuprofen every six hours, ice it for 20 minutes every few hours.” The cold still lingers in Max’s bones. She’d almost asked Rachel to join her under the covers, but that would have been breaking character and it would have probably made Rachel uncomfortable.

“Alright. Looks like you’ve got some good friends, just take it easy for as long as you can.” The doctor pats her shoulder. Shoes scuff the floor, a door opens, and closes.

Max sighs and grips her cane. She’s so stupid. Who does she think she is? She erased this Max’s life, who is she to try and impose what she wants on it? Not only did she steal it, she’s ruining it. The blooming reconnection with Chloe? Shattered because she couldn't keep it in her fucking pants. Growing independence from her parents? Ha. Fat chance. A promising career in photography? Destroyed in an instant.

She had been prepared to do anything to save everyone. Was this Max ready to do that for Chloe? Would she have given herself up willingly if she knew what she was being sacrificed for, or would she have recoiled in horror at what Max has done?

Not that it matters. This life is permanent, unlike so many of the ones she burned to ash  along the way.

There's a knock. Rachel's voice follows, "Ready to get going?"

"Mind helping me walk?" Max asks back. It's lame, she can probably stand on her own in this brace. Truth is she just wants to feel her touch again. It makes this all seem a little more real.

"Of course." The door opens, and swift footsteps follow.

A smile crosses Max's lips as she feels Rachel's arm slip under hers and across her back. "I'm still waiting for the part where you yell at me."

"I'm reserving my right to yell at both of you. Let’s get you home. Alright, up we go."

Both of you.

The words spear deep into her chest.

It's not both. It's Max, and it's Chloe. Separate. Apart.

The pain mixes with the hot pain from her as she stands ankle. "Reserving it until?"

"I know what the hell's gotten into you."

Shards of ice fill Max's veins. "What do you mean?"

"I mean we can start with whatever the hell happened in that truck."

"Chloe..." Max grits her teeth and takes a deep breath. "She didn't just say no. She had to make it seem like she was protecting me. From her. As if I can't decide if a risk is worth taking on my own. Like I don't know what I'm doing." Of course, maybe I don’t. I didn’t even consider that this is a very different Chloe from the one I knew.

Rachel inhales sharply, and her voice tightens. "Yup. I’m definitely yelling at Chloe. That's the dumbest and shittiest thing she could have said."

A fragile smile tugs at Max’s lips. “I guess, yeah.”

“I’m still shocked that you’re the one who made a move.”

There it is. The trap yawns open in front of her. It’s so tempting to just admit everything. It would be so easy to let the mask slip away and give it all up. Let this stupid mask fall away and alienate one of the few people she has left. “I had a lot of time to think about things in the hospital. I figured that I didn’t know what was going to come next, but I shouldn’t keep lying to myself about how I felt. I just didn’t know a better way to do it.”

Doors open and close, and the soothing sounds of outside fill Max’s hearing. Rachel’s silence drags on with each and every foot step, until she sighs. “Guess losing your vision really puts everything into perspective, huh?”

“Was that a pun?” Max snorts, and a giggle slips out.

“Maybe just a teensy, tiny one. Call it payback.” There’s a hint of a smile to Rachel’s voice.

“I still can’t believe that you’re not mad at me for asking her.”

“Like I said, I don’t get to complain after what I did to her. I just never imagined that she’d turn you down.”

Max’s chest tightens as her cane taps against a bench and she sits down to wait for Dana’s mom to come pick them up. “One of the things she mentioned was not being over you, but it was surrounded by all that other shit.”

“What? Seriously? Oh. My. Fuck! We had sex once while you were in the hospital! She insisted that it didn’t mean anything and that she was just letting off some steam. Why would she say that to me and then turn around and do this? Is she trying to piss both of us off?!”

The tightness spreads out from her chest to her throat and limbs. “What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Shit! I’m so sorry. I should have said something,” Rachel’s words drip with sincere guilt, and Max can hear her feet shuffling, “I just figured that you two were going to get together, so it didn’t really matter.”

“What the fuck is she thinking?” Max loses the battle against the burning in her throat and the tears welling up in the corners of her eyes. “Why is she doing this?”

“There’s only one way to find out,” Rachel’s hand gives Max’s shoulder a hard squeeze, “And I’m going to do it.”

Notes:

I love deadlines, they make a lovely little wooshing noise when they go past.

Hope you all enjoy!

Chapter 14: Screaming

Chloe Price is a fuck up.

She can’t stay out of trouble.

She can’t finish school.

She can barely hold down a job that just needs someone with a pulse standing behind a register.

She didn’t want to hurt Max, only to break her heart.

Chloe lays on her bed and stares at the ceiling of her bedroom. She doesn’t move. She barely breathes. She hovers on the edge of existence and tries not to think about why Rachel called her in a panic about Max.

If anything happened to her…

Don’t think about it.

She should be out there, helping. Searching for her in the driving rain even if she’s the last person Max would want to find her.

Max sits on the edge of her desk, dried blood caked over her lips and chin. “This is all your fault.”

Just close your eyes, she’s not real.

“I came back here for you, and what does it get me?” Max doesn’t sneer, but her eyes drill holes into Chloe’s eyelids to pin them open. “My letter? Our phone calls? The sleep overs?”

“Go away.” Chloe whispers, barely able to move her lips or make a sound.

Max throws up her arms, her lip quivering.  “Already done, congratulations me! Nothing I ever did matter for a fucking moment.”

“It did. All of it mattered.” Chloe’s arms and legs are made of lead.

“Then why are we doing this? Why is any of this happening? Someone fucked up, big time.”

Chloe’s only heard Max this mad a handful of times. “You’re not dead. You can’t be. I… I talked to you this morning.”

“You talked to William that morning too.”

Chloe jolts upright in her bed, her pulse pounding. Tears flood down her cheeks, her hands patting around her bed. Her phone was right there, wasn’t it? “Fuck, where is it? Where is it?!”

The bed turns up bupkis. Trying to stand on her feet ends with her face planting with a hard thud before scrambling over to the damp jacket hanging from her chair. Patting the pockets finally turns up her phone. It slips from her hands and bounces off her foot before clattering onto the floor. “Fuck!” She hisses, crouching down to scoop it up. The screen’s undamaged, so there’s that at least. 

There’s a few texts, but not from anyone she cares about. Her finger hovers over Kate’s contact, but she freezes. She doesn’t want to pull her into this. She’s not even sure if she’s good enough friends with Dana to ask her. She sighs. 

[Chloe | 5:55pm]

did you find her? is she okay?

[Rachel | 5:55pm]

She’ll live. 

No thanks to you.

Asshole.

Chloe’s throat tightens. She’s really fucked up now.

[Rachel | 5:56pm]

Junkyard.

2 hours.

Be there.

The tears haven’t stopped and she wipes them away, smearing salt water and snot across her tattoo.

“Are you going to chicken out of this too?” Max hugs her knees to her bloody face while glaring at Chloe. “Or are you actually going to face the music?”

“Max is alive, how am I seeing you?” Chloe asks herself as she stares at her hallucination. “Is this a nightmare?”

“Why don’t you pinch yourself and find out?”

All Chloe gets is a flash of comforting pain. A familiar ache pounds in her chest, one she normally shuts out with a drink.

There’s a knock on the door.

“Chloe, for the fifth time, dinner!” Joyce shouts.

“Uh, gimme a minute Mom!” Chloe sniffles and wipes at her face. Smudged makeup coats her fingers. She has to look like a train wreck.

She grabs wipes off her dresser and smears away everything she can, but it’s not like that’s going to do anything for her red eyes.

The last thing she had was breakfast, but she’s not hungry. She needs to get to the junkyard.

“In the woods, nobody can hear her scream,” Max deadpans.

“Not fucking helping,” Chloe mumbles as she brushes past the figment of her imagination and opens the door. She nearly falls down the stairs twice for no reason, but manages to right herself. She nearly reaches the door too.

“Where are you going?” David asks from the kitchen. His voice isn’t raised but it still makes the hair on the back of her neck stand on end.

“Uh… Out?” Chloe grimaces, turning to face him. He’s standing there, hands at his side. He doesn’t even look angry, which is weird.

“When was the last time you ate?”

“Since when do you care?”

“When was the last time you ate?” He repeats, his tone level and calm, “You’ve got a hollow leg, but you haven’t touched anything in the fridge today.”

Chloe’s voice seizes up. Is this some kind of trap? She glances over to Joyce at the table and back to the front door.

“Sit, eat something with us, then you can go do whatever.”

“David?” Joyce asks, sounding just as confused as Chloe.

David glances back at Joyce. “She needs to eat something.”

“Is that an order?” Chloe starts shaking, waiting for him to actually show some kind of anger. This is weird. This is actually fucking worse than him yelling at her.

David winces. “Would that help?”

“No. No, it fucking wouldn’t.”

“All I’m asking is that you sit down, have one bite, and then I don’t care anymore.”

“Come on honey,” Joyce adds, standing up from the table, “Sit down and have a bite. I’ll save the rest in the fridge for you.”

“Fine.” Chloe throws up her arms. Max’s bitter laughter floats down from upstairs. “One bite.”

***

If Max could see, she’d probably be flipping through her albums of Chloe. All of their life stretching from when they were kids wearing matching costumes to whatever this Max had taken of their reunion. It still aches that she didn’t get to see them, that she never go to live this life. She can almost taste this Max’s memories, where she’d gotten past her fear and reached out to Chloe first.

Maybe if she hadn’t been such a coward, that could have been her.

Now she’d tried to be brave and bold, only to fail miserably.

Where had she gone so wrong?

It feels trivial in the light of everything she’s gone through. She’s killed, repeatedly. She’s torn time and space apart. She’s survived her own personal hell over and over again. Frankly it’s a miracle she’s as sane as she is, but maybe that’s because she had a goal. What’s left for her now?

She tries to reach for the other Max’s memories. Maybe she can find something in them that’ll tell her what she needs to know. It’s not exactly hard to find them, but as she reaches out to tug on the thread, something violently slaps her away. Her head pounds with pain and she groans, curling up in her bed.

“Why can’t I see my own past?” Max mumbles. She reaches out and grabs Captain. She could just reach into Chloe’s memories, but that’s just too painful to contemplate right now. It would also be a breach of her privacy, but since when has that stopped her?

No, she doesn’t want to do it because she’s actually fucking scared of what she’ll find. What if she never had a chance? What if she just ruined their friendship over her memories of Chloe’s past? It’s not like she’s going to make a move on Kate just because there were a few timelines where she found comfort in her arms or start spinning Victoria around her finger just because she could when she had her rewind. She only gets one take at this.

There’s something else though. Something sitting in her thoughts. Rachel and Chloe had sex while she was in the hospital, but Rachel didn’t try to stop her? Rachel’s being nice to her. Rachel was the person who called her when she was lost in the woods. Rachel took care of her and she’s pissed at Chloe for her .

What the fuck is going on? Why? It makes negative sense, especially because Max doesn’t buy for a second that what happened between Rachel and Chloe meant nothing. Everything always means something with Chloe. As far as she can tell, Rachel’s anger is genuine, so why wouldn’t she try to talk her out of it?

She has to know.

The thread vibrates.

The glory of dusk’s waning golden light glints in the lighthouse glass, birds sing their wonderful songs, and the wind whispers sweet nothings in the trees. Rachel isn’t paying attention to any of that. She’s focused on the gnawing pit of anxiety eating through her small intestine. She’s not playing her part. She’s not calm and poised, ready with smooth lines and a pithy attitude. That persona is in her pocket, but she can’t don the mask. The text burning a hole in her pocket is seeing to that. Just a message from her ex to meet her at a clifftop.

An ex she cheated on, who has a history of hurting herself.

It’s probably not that. It’s almost certainly not that. But that doesn’t stop some small part of her from considering all the possibilities. The whole thing is super weird. Chloe being cryptic is already off, so why this? Why now?

Chloe is sitting on the bench, smoke curling away in a lazy stream from the cigarette in her mouth. Max longs to bring a camera to her eye. Rachel approaches quietly, hoping that Chloe will turn and say something. No dice. “Uh, hey.”

Chloe turns her head just enough to see Rachel in the corner of her eye, a ghost of her smile crossing her pale features. “Hey. I was starting to think you weren’t coming.”

“No, I just took a bit longer than I thought I would.” Rachel fidgets with her hands before grabbing her arm. Never before has Chloe managed to make her feel so small.

“It’s fine,” Chloe waves her cigarette hand in the air without getting up or turning to face her, “It’s… good to see you.”

Rachel doesn’t let herself take a sigh of relief, not yet. “Thanks, it’s good to see you too. I didn’t think I’d hear from you again.”

“I didn’t think so either.” Chloe shrugs, turning back to face the waves. Rachel has to take a few steps forward, drawing up to the bench.

“What made you reach out?” asks Rachel, trying to keep her tone gentle. Chloe doesn’t seem in the mood for small talk, and she hella isn’t either.

Chloe holds up a sealed envelope by way of answer. “I needed someone to talk to and Steph’s gone.”

The words find a chink in her armour she didn’t even know were there. The contact of last resort.  How far she has fallen. “Ah. You need to talk to someone about a letter?”

“Kinda, yeah,” Chloe shifts in her seat, clearly uncomfortable, “It’s… Guess who sent it.”

“David?” It’s the first name that springs to mind. A letter from David with some kind of apology would definitely have Chloe wanting to talk to somebody. Anybody.

“Ha!” Chloe slaps her knee without laughing. “No, but not a bad guess. It’s from Max fucking Caulfield.”

Ice flash freezes in Rachel’s veins. That’s it. Exit stage left. The Max Caulfield has sent a letter. The girl that Chloe’s been hung up on for five fucking years. The specter haunting her has finally deigned to appear. “Ah. Have you read it?”

“Nope! I honestly still don’t believe it’s real.”

“So why’d you call me up here?” Rachel bites back on her fear and anger. Chloe wouldn’t do this just to humiliate her, right? Unless Victoria’s finally gotten her wish and they’ve hooked up without her knowing. Max would laugh so hard if she could.

“I just… didn’t want to open it alone, I guess.” Chloe’s face twists, and her head turns away. “Was that shitty of me?”

“No.” The words come out too fast, because really Rachel’s just glad that she’s getting to see Chloe again at all. Max is too, even if Rachel’s fear is curdling her blood and only raising even more questions. “You just… needed a friend.”

“And you’re the closest thing I’ve got.” The pain in Chloe’s voice brings back every bit of remorse Rachel’s been stewing on for months in the ashes of her idiocy. She would take it all back if she could. In a heartbeat. Max knows the feeling. “Here goes nothing.”

Rachel watches numbly as Chloe tears open the letter. It’s three pages of lined paper, with carefully hand written letters, and a polaroid picture that Chloe tucks back into the envelope. It doesn’t take long for Chloe’s hands to start trembling, and tears to start flowing. Max can feel her own body going rigid, her heart hammering. This is it, it’s over. Rachel can feel any last shred of a chance of having Chloe in her life falling away.

Chloe leaps off the bench and envelopes Rachel in a hug. Max and Rachel are both shocked as genuine laughter splits the air. “She’s coming back!” Chloe shouts as she bodily rocks the two of them side to side. “Holy shit, Max is coming back!”

Rachel and Max are enveloped by Chloe’s smell of bad weed, stale cigarettes, and cheap beer. Both of their hearts leap. The hug stretches on and on with Chloe’s joyous laughter. Somehow, Rachel manages to return it.

Until it abruptly ends with Chloe pulling back, those face cheeks flushed red as Chloe suddenly realizes exactly what she’s done. “I, uh…”

“It’s fine,” Rachel lies, trying to ignore how much her cheeks are burning and how fast her heart is beating. She aches all over again. Chloe’s still so fucking charming . She wants to shake past her for even considering hooking up with Frank, even if it was for free pot from his good stash. She forces herself to smile, but she can’t find it in her to make eye contact with Chloe. “I’m happy for you, I know what she did hella hurt.”

“Damn right it did, but she just… apologized. Owned all of it.” Chloe shakes her head in disbelief, folding up the letter that Max wishes with every fiber of her being that Rachel had read and pulling out the picture. She snorts and holds it out to Rachel. “Looks like some things havn’t changed.”

Rachel takes the picture, surprised that Chloe would trust her with this at all. She turns the picture over and locks eyes with the woman in the selfie. Her heart stops, her chest squeezes. Fuck. She’s cute.

Max gasps, surfacing from the memory, her heart racing and her mind reeling. Somehow she hadn’t expected their breakup to be that bad, but she also missed months of making up and sorting things out. But one thought stands out. Rachel thinks she’s cute?

A knock on her door drops the thought from her mind, and she shifts in her bed. “Who is it?”

“It’s Kate, may I come in?”

“Sure, door’s unlocked.”

The door opens and clicks softly closed. “Hey Max, thank you for letting me in, may I sit?” Kate’s voice is as gentle and soft as Max has ever heard it, like that time she told some version of Kate the whole truth and the responsibilities that were crushing her into oblivion.

“Of course, you can join me on my bed if you want.” Max shuffles over as best she can with her injured ankle.

The bed rustles and rises under the new weight. “Thank you. I wanted to check on you, you’ve had quite the day.”

“Thanks,” Max mumbles, memories of similar words bring a blush to her cheeks, “It’s my fault, really.”

A gentle touch graces her forearm, just below the elbow. “No matter what happened, I’m just worried about my friend. You’ve been keeping me at arms length for days and I don’t know why.”

“I’m sorry, you deserve to know. I tried to kiss Chloe,” Max admits, she knows Kate isn’t going to judge, that’d be hypocritical of her, “Twice. The first time was a dare at her place, which she thought was some kind of mean joke, but the second time… She, um, told me that it wasn’t a good idea. That she had to protect me from herself like I didn’t know what was good for me.”

There’s a sharp intake of breath, and Kate’s hand tightens around Max’s arm. “I’m so sorry Max. I never would have thought that she’d do that to you.”

Max sighs and hugs Captain a little tighter. “I was so mad at her that I just… took off without thinking about it.”

“I’m really glad that we found you.”

“It was stupid and I’m so, so hella mad at myself for it.”

There’s a soft giggle, and Max raises an eyebrow. Kate gives her arm a gentle squeeze. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to laugh. I guess you’ve been hanging around Rachel so much that she’s starting to rub off on you.”

Max’s throat tightens. “Guess so.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Oh sweet, gentle Kate. “Yeah, maybe this is a bit weird, but I was hoping to pull out my old pictures with her. I can’t look at them, but maybe you could describe them to me.”

“Absolutely!”

***

Anger boils in Rachel’s veins. Her entire body is sharp with focus as she paces around the tiny concrete shack. Chloe’s late, and she’s starting to doubt that she’ll come at all. Chloe’s not usually a coward, but given how much Max has changed, maybe there’s a chance Chloe has as well.

Unlikely. What’s more likely is that Chloe’s gotten so drunk or high that she can’t even stand, let alone drive. If she has to hike all the way to Chloe’s, she’s going to scream. Well, more than she’s already planning to.

The squeak of brakes pierces her thoughts and her head snaps up. She knows exactly which truck those shitty brakes belong to. She stands up straighter and takes a deep breath. She hasn’t rehearsed this. It needs to be from the gut. Chloe can tell when she isn’t being genuine, she knows her too well. She starts pumping up the rage and pain bubbling in her guts, letting it rise and build pressure.

Chloe steps around the corner. Her shoulders are hunched, her eyes downcast.

“Hey.” Rachel clenches her teeth and crosses her arms as Chloe stops at the threshold of their old hideout.

“Uh, hey.” Chloe doesn’t look Rachel in the eye as she rubs the back of her neck. “What… Is Max okay?”

“That’s hella none of your fucking business,” Rachel snaps, “Not after today.”

Chloe winces and sighs, her shoulders sagging. “Yeah, I earned that.”

“She almost died.” Rachel spits out as she watches Chloe recoil. It feels good in a way she really doesn’t want to think about. “We found her in the woods, soaked and freezing. She’ll live, but anything beyond that is up to her to tell you because I’m not the fucking messenger.”

“Shit,” Chloe sniffles, her head tilting down as she grabs it and staggers down to sit on one of the benches, “Fuck!”

“Fuck is right.” Rachel doesn’t move. Chloe deserves this.

“I… I had no idea, I didn’t even see her go into the woods, I just—”

“You just what, broke her fucking heart?”

Chloe finally looks her in the eye. Tears are already beading down her cheeks. Her mouth hangs open, her hands waving in the air as she visibly searches for words before her head falls again and she clutches her head. “I was just trying to—”

“Protect Max by making her feel like shit? She loves you, dumbass! Why couldn’t you just kiss the girl?!”

“Because I can’t, okay?!” Chloe screams, rocking back and forth, her entire body shaking, “She asked me and all I could see was blood pouring out of her nose! Every time I close my fucking eyes I see her shaking and bleeding out in my arms.”

Rachel’s rage sputters Chloe folds in on herself and cries. What the fuck? Is she not going to even put up a fight?

“I wanted to say yes. I almost did! But the whole time I was waiting for her I was just sitting there freaking out about it, and when she got into the truck it was all I could see! All I could think was that I was going to fuck this up and she’d get hurt again and it’s all my fucking fault!”

Rachel stares at Chloe’s sobbing face. She hasn’t seen her like this in years, and even then it was never this bad. She’d gotten so good at anticipating the days when Chloe was going to crash and making sure she was there to cushion her with some booze, weed, and a good fuck. Chloe’s a wreck and she hadn’t even noticed. She must have been too busy with Max. She can vaguely remember some mention about David being weird, maybe that’s because he can see it but she can’t? Since when has that been how things work between them?

Chloe sniffles and wipes at her face as she curls up on the bench and starts rocking back and forth. “It’s like my fucking dad all over again.”

“Chloe—”

“So yeah, I fucked up and rejected Max, and nearly got her killed and that’s my fault,” Chloe sniffs and wipes at her face before looking up at Rachel through bloodshot eyes, “I don’t get why you want me to kiss her though.”

Rachel freezes up again. She should have anticipated this question. She should have a good, convincing answer. She doesn’t. “Because I need to take her to go see my dad in two days so she can stay at Blackwell. It would've helped a whole hell of a lot if she was happy for that.”

Chloe raises an eyebrow at her and snorts. Rachel’s heart sinks. “Bullshit, your dad hella hates me. He would've been mad that Max was dating me.”

“Maybe I don’t like seeing her get hurt, did you think about that?”

“And you think I do?”

“I’m not the one who just rejected her!”

“This is so fucking weird. I’m always going to be a fuck up, okay?”

“Chloe, you’re not—”

“I just rejected my best friend because I freaked the fuck out, she ran off into the woods while blind in a fucking rainstorm because of it, and now you’re yelling at me over it.” Chloe sniffles and wipes at her face with the sleeve of her jacket. “That hella fits definition of fucking up.”

Rachel sighs as Chloe digs out a smoke. This isn’t getting anywhere, and she isn’t sure what she’s trying to accomplish anyways. Chloe needs something from her, but what can Rachel do after that ? They both need her, but she feels like she’s already made her choice. “Just… Go get some help.”

“Where? With what money?” Chloe rolls her eyes as she sticks a cigarette between her lips and starts patting herself down for her lighter.

“I don’t know how to help you!” Rachel throws up her arms. Her heart aches and frustration flares. “Just do something !”

Chloe lights up and starts puffing away. “I’ll… figure something out. Max needs you now anyways.”

Rachel stands there, watching her smoke. She wants to say something, anything, but the words aren’t coming. She wants to reach out to Chloe and hold her, but she can’t find that in her either. Finally she sighs and shakes her head. “Keep in touch, okay? Don’t do anything stupid.”

“Nothing stupid. Yeah, sure.”

Notes:

Whole lotta hellas this chapter, hope you enjoyed!

Chapter 15: Deliberations

Max falls through time and space, tumbling back into Rachel’s eyes and ears. Her body aches and sweat coats her brow. Her dad stands across the room from her, his arms crossed over his chest as he stands amid cardboard boxes. “All I need is for you to stay out of trouble, okay? I’ve got re-election next year.”

“ Trust me, I know.” Rachel glares at him and tries not to think about Chloe right now. She’s probably having a great time reuniting with Max, having that big fucking reunion hug and being hella happy. She can feel Chloe slipping through her fingers while she’s stuck in this room with her prick of a father.

“ Just keep steering clear of Chloe, keep your head—”

“ I already said I know.” Max winces as she feels Rachel’s suppressed anger boiling in her veins. “I’m planning on keeping my head down.”

“ Good. You’re always welcome to come by for dinner if you’re tired of  the cafeteria.” James says before turning to leave the room.

“ See you.”

And Max thought she didn’t get along with her parents.

The door clicks shut. Max and Rachel take a deep breath as their chests fill with buzzing anxious bees. With Rachel’s dad gone, she can turn her mind to the actual task at hand. She checks her phone, looking at the clock. Chloe’s got work in a few minutes, so either she’s blowing it off to spend more time with Max, or Max is by herself right now.

Rachel waits for another minute, stewing in her anxiety as she waits for her dad to be gone before getting to her feet and taking a moment to check herself in the mirror. Max stares at Rachel’s reflection as she wipes the dried sweat on her forehead. The floor is still too busy for her to go hit the showers, so she’ll make do with some wipes. Makeup comes next. She has to put her best face forward. Max is here, regardless of how she feels about it, and trying to pick a fight is only going to alienate Chloe and there’s only one way that ends. Who knows, maybe she’ll find something to like about her?

Rachel’s thoughts feel far away to Max, she’s too transfixed watching Rachel work. She’s so pretty . She only got one glimpse of her through her own eyes, it lingers in her mind. Her hands itch for a camera to start taking pictures. She tries not to think too hard about being naked in Rachel’s bed. That had been an emergency.

Rachel’s hands know their work, and a quick smack of pale lipstick to go with her shadow, mascara, and eyeliner. She could go further, but she doesn’t want to over do it. She needs to be approachable. Who knows, maybe Max just wants to be friends with Chloe again.

Her phone buzzes.

Max feels Rachel’s password as she unlocks her phone. She shouldn’t keep it, but it sticks in her brain anyways.

[Chloe | 4:54pm]

yo

all moved in? sorry i didn’t come and help

Okay, so she’s not being ignored. That’s something at least.

[Rachel | 4:55pm]

Don’t worry about it, my dad was here. How was meeting up with Max?

Maybe that was overstepping, but she does need to show support.

[Chloe | 4:56pm]

crazy

she hasn’t changed at all

but like in a good way?

idk

it's hella crazy seeing her again

did you want to hang tomorrow?

Rachel’s eyebrows jump up. Sure, she’s been seeing a lot more of Chloe since that letter came in, but this is new. Maybe she’s finally getting back into her good graces.

[Rachel | 4:58pm]

Sounds great! Just let me know where and when.

I’m going to introduce myself to her now!

Rachel locks her phone and steps out of her door before she can think herself out of it. Max is across the hall from her, and they have Chloe in common, she has to make the effort. 

The weight of seeing her own dorm smacks into Max as Rachel strides across the hall. She can’t even draw stupid faces on that little whiteboard anymore. Rachel’s knuckles rap against the wood, and Max’s voice, small and timid, answers. “Hello?”

“ Hey there, neighbour!” Rachel chimes, putting as much cheer in her voice as she can without coming off as fake. “I’m Rachel Amber, I just wanted to say hi and introduce myself.”

The door unlocks and swings open, and Max stares through Rachel’s eyes and into her own. This Max is just the same as she was on move in day. Nervous, awkward, avoiding eye contact and holding her arms. But there’s one big difference, she’s smiling. Rachel’s introduction catches in her throat. Her heart beats faster. Fuck, she’s even cuter in person.

“ Oh! You’re Rachel!” Max watches her own face light up and her heart aches. “Chloe told me about you!”

The sudden cheer catches Rachel on the back foot, but she plays it off by lifting up a hand to brush back her hair and feather earring as she leans against the door frame. “Good things, I hope. I’ve heard a lot of great things about you.”

Max wishes she’d had Rachel when she’d moved into the dorms. Kate was nice, but she was still awkward around her. Max's relief is palpable, even if her smile is still shy and timid. “Yeah, lots of good things. She said that if I needed anything I should ask you.”

Chloe told Max that she could count on her? Is she starting to warm up and let go of what happened? Or is this some kind of test? “I’ll certainly do what I can.”

Before Rachel can react, a camera is in Max’s hands and a flash goes off, leaving Rachel blinking away light ghosts as Max holds up the fresh polaroid. “Great! Thank you so much.”

“ Max?”

Max jolts upright in her bed, breathing heavily as Rachel’s fears and hopes tumble out of her mind. It takes her a moment to remember how to breathe and move her own limbs. Rachel’s movements had a natural grace that she entirely lacks. “Uh, yeah?”

“ Sorry, I wasn’t sure you’d heard me come in,” Says Rachel, her voice soft and gentle. Max wonders if she feels the same way as she did then? Is she still cute?

“ I was just…” Max shrugs, trying to play it off. How deeply had she gone down? She has to get back into character, find her centre and get into the scene. “Thinking, I guess.”

“ How are you feeling? Do you mind if I sit?”

“ Of course.” Max pulls her limbs into her body and sits up, feeling around for Captain. He’s pressed into her chest and she holds him tight, Rachel’s hand brushing against her arm. Her heart aches. The bed shifts under new weight. “I’m… Is it okay if I touch your arm?”

“ Sure.” Rachel’s arm brushes against the back of her hand, and Max takes it, lightly holding the proffered forearm and feeling Rachel’s soft skin. It feels like the only thing tethering her to the now. “You haven’t answered my question.”

“ I feel like shit.” Max answers honestly as she tries to pull her own thoughts and feelings out of the murk. Maybe she’s going too deep. Maybe she needs to stop. But it’s better than feeling the burning heartache in her chest. “I’m such an idiot.”

“ There’s only one idiot, and it’s not you.” Rachel’s voice leaves no room for argument, and a hand pats the top of Max’s hand on Rachel’s arm.

Max sighs, giving Captain a squeeze. “How did talking to her go?”

“ I…” Rachel’s voice is suddenly tight, but she doesn’t pull away. “I think Chloe needs some time to herself.”

“ Is she okay?”

“ I really don’t know. What I do know is that whatever she needs isn’t something we can do. I think she needs to work through this on her own.”

The tears are back in full force. “So… She…?”

“ It’s a her thing, okay?” Rachel’s arm pulls back and suddenly Max is in a hug. She leans into it, returning the lavender scented embrace as best she can. It’s so gentle and comforting. “She’s going to figure this out, and we’ll focus on making sure you stay at Blackwell, okay?”

“ Okay.”

---

 

Where had Rachel fucked this up? She’s barely holding on by her fingernails and she has no idea how she even got here. Everything was going fine. She was going to fund-raise to keep Max at Blackwell. Max was adapting to losing her sight. Chloe was rattled by what happened, but that was it. Except apparently she’s been falling apart and Rachel has no idea how she missed it.

Just like she’d missed Max making a move on Chloe.

Just like she’d missed herself choosing Max over Chloe.

Apparently she’s missing just about everything these days.

When had she slipped? Was she always this off base? She could have sworn she had Chloe figured out.

Maybe Chloe changed after finding out about Frank? Was Max always hiding something?

“ Rachel?”

“ Uh…” Rachel blinks a few times, trying to refocus as Natalie stares at her. Everyone is staring at her. Dana, Victoria, Taylor, and Hayden. She’s the oldest out of all of them, and she’s missed something important.

“ Are you okay?” Dana asks, eyebrow raised.

“ It's been a long few days,” she admits. It’s a dangerous move in front of Victoria.

“ I can imagine,” Natalie has her back at least.

“ I still don’t know what happened.” Hayden stretches from his seat at the big cafeteria table, his arms reaching up. “Wild for someone blind to just take off into the woods.”

All eyes are on her. They’re hungry for answers, and she knows why. The question is implicit. Why should they stick their necks out to fundraise for someone who nearly got herself killed? Is she going to do this again? Her throat tightens.

“ Kate knows, I saw her go into Max’s room.” Dana blurts out as she fidgets at the table.

“ Where is she, anyways?” Rachel looks around. She could have sworn Kate was supposed to be here.

“ I texted her,” says Dana with a shrug, “All she said was that she needed to go check on something and to let her know if her opinion was needed.”

At least Juliet isn’t here. She takes a deep breath. “What I’m about to say doesn’t leave this room, period. Chloe rejected Max.”

Even the mice in the walls go quiet.

“ She what?! ” Shrieks Victoria, her hands slam down on the table and everyone jumps. “That dumb fucking bitch! Why would she reject her? What fucking possible reason would she have for doing that? Especially right now, when we’re trying to fucking fundraise so we can keep that hipster dweeb here?!”

Taylor leans away from Victoria’s rage. “ Yeah. Aren’t those two, like, attached at the hip?” 

“ Yeah, they’re basically perfect for each other,” says Dana as she gives Victoria a worried look, “I can’t imagine why she’d say no.”

Gee, thanks everyone. Rachel thinks to herself. She can read the unspoken question in Natalie’s eyes. She shakes her head, no, she’s not okay. “Chloe’s… got a lot going on. What happened with Max has her really messed up and she didn’t think dating was a good idea. But she said it in the worst way possible.”

“Could they not have waited until after we figured this shit out?” Victoria’s face looks more and more like a tomato with every syllable.

Rachel rubs her temples and sighs. “I get why Max did it. She has no idea if we’re going to pull this off, and after what happened she didn’t want to risk waiting.”

Natalie grimaces and shakes her head. “ If she had one seizure, she could have another. But we’re getting off topic. We need to make a decision, booze or no booze.”

“ Nobody is going to show if we don’t have any,” Victoria throws up her arms, “How is this a discussion?”

“ Rachel’s dad and my dad are involved,” Natalie pinches the bridge of her nose, “And this is for Max. She isn’t exactly a drinker.”

“ Also Kate is handling the money,” adds Dana, “I don’t think she’ll want to be attached to underaged drinking.”

“ We could keep it off the books,” Taylor chimes in, “Something hidden in the bathrooms or the VIP room.”

Rachel sighs and grits her teeth. Come on, get some game face on. Rachel puts her hands on the desk and looks at each of them in turn. “I get that it sucks to dance and party sober, but this needs to be above board. Our dads are going to take any chance they can to back out and we can’t afford that. Everyone knows what’s up with Max and I don’t know anyone on campus who doesn’t think it’s total bullshit. We get them together, they do their part, and then the next party we go all out with a good times as a thank you. Spread that around. If they knock this one out of the park, they’re in for a treat.” Everyone at the table starts nodding at the suggestion. Victoria doesn’t look happy, but she isn’t pissed at the idea either. Rachel will count that as a win. “All in favour?”

---

 

Waves heave themselves against the cliff, battering the stone as they explode into white spray. Physics plays out over and over again as the unending tide hammers the slowly yielding stone.

Chloe watches the dance play out between her dangling feet and wonders how long it would take for those forces to pulverize her. The grass is damp under her ass and she’s out of smokes, but she doesn’t fucking care. Why would she care about anything? She’s useless. A waste of space. She can’t even take care of her best friend. Why is she still here?

“ It’s a lot better than the alternative.”

Chloe sighs, her hands making fists in the grass. She twists to look behind her and sees Max again, a sad smile on her bloody face as she sits on the cliffside fence. Her eyes are clear as they stare right back at her. “Why am I seeing you? You’re alive.”

“ Am I?” Max’s smile twists for a moment, her blue eyes shimmering. “Did I make it out of that truck with you?”

“ Don’t fuck with me! I know you’re alive! Max is alive!”

Max holds up her hands, palms out. “ You got me. Max Caulfield is alive. It’s just me, your friendly neighbourhood delusion.”

“ So why am I seeing you like this? Dad is one thing, but you? Shit, I must be more messed up than I thought.” Chloe’s back hits the dirt and she looks up at the purple clouds hanging low in the evening sky. “I’m just the all Arcadian fuck up, aren’t I?”

She looks back over at Max, who just smiles again. “You’re more than that, Chloe.”

“ What, is my brain getting my wires crossed so I’m seeing you instead of my dad? That’s hella shitty. You losing your sight isn’t even in the same ballpark as dying.”

“ Maybe. Maybe a part of me died with my sight. It’s not like Max Caulfield can ever use a camera again. Not really.”

“ So what, are you here to tell me not to?”

“ No,” Max shakes her head, “I’m just being greedy. That’s her job.”

“ Chloe?”

Chloe jerks up and sees Kate walking up the trail, holding her puffy pink and white coat tight to her body. She hurries to sit up and lifts an arm in greeting. “Uh, hey Kitty Kate. What are you doing up here?”

Kate steps past the fire pit and comes to a stop next to the bench. “Looking for you, actually. I checked most of your usual places, and this was the last one on my list.”

“ What? Did Max or Rachel send you?”

“ No, but Max did tell me what happened and I wanted to come find you.”

“ Why?” Chloe half laughs as Kate’s gentle gaze makes it hard for her bitterness to fully take over. “Shouldn’t you be taking care of her?”

“ Rachel has that well in hand.” Kate’s delicate hands smooth out her skirt as the wind plays with loose strands of her hair. “Besides, she’s not the only one who is hurting.”

Chloe’s mouth opens and closes. Tears threaten. The ocean roars. “Yeah…”

“ Would you mind joining me on the bench?” Kate asks, her voice suddenly tight, “I’m not great with heights.”

“ Oh, shit, sorry.” Chloe scrambles back from the edge and stands up, wiping at the soaked ass of her pants as Kate sits down on the bench.

Kate pats the bench and Chloe follows the suggestion, sitting down next to her. “ It’s alright.”

“ I’d ask for a smoke, but I know you don’t.” Chloe tries to chuckle, but it dies halfway up her throat.

“ I’m sorry that this has been such a difficult time for you.” 

“ I mean… my best friend nearly dies in my truck, goes fucking blind, and then tries to ask me out.” Chloe rubs the back of her neck. It’s okay, Kate’s cool. Just relax.

“ Emotional whiplash?”

“ Hella whiplash.”

“ What made you decide to say no?”

“ Guess you haven’t talked to Rachel then,” Chloe snorts, brushing her hair back with a hand. Max is standing by the edge of the cliff now, resting against the stump they carved their initials into. “I just keep seeing her with blood all over her face, limp in my arms. Plus everything is just still so complicated with Rachel… It doesn’t feel like a good idea right now.”

A gentle hand rests on Chloe’s shoulder and gives it a light squeeze. “I can’t imagine what you’ve been going through. It sounds like there’s a lot on your mind and what happened with Max has deeply affected you.”

Chloe’s head drops and she holds it in her hands. Tears flow. Kate’s hand moves to rub over her back in small circles. “I’m supposed to be the one watching out for her, making sure she doesn’t get hurt. Her parents were so fucking ready to blame me for what happened and I was already doing that. I don’t know if I did something wrong but I can’t stop thinking about what if I’d done something differently. Maybe I should have said yes to her just to keep from hurting her again —”

“ I think saying yes when you didn’t mean it would have only made things worse,” Kate says gently as her hand pants between Chloe’s shoulder blades, “What happened wasn’t your fault. I’m not sure it’s anyone’s fault. I won’t talk about God, but sometimes things simply happen that are simply outside of our control.”

“ I mean, I guess, but I could have gotten to the hospital faster, or parked closer to the doors, or—”

“ Or you could have gotten into an accident and it would have been more than Max who lost something that day.”

Chloe shudders as a sob claws its way out of her throat.

“ Have you done anything for yourself in all of this? I’m sure Max appreciated your help, but I don’t think she’d want you to be neglecting yourself.”

“ She’s right, I don’t,” Max chimes in, and Chloe glances up to see her arms crossed over her chest. She looks pissed. “I can’t take care of you, but someone’s got to.”

“ What should I do?” Chloe asks both of them. She was never good at this, and she can already imagine how disappointed Kate would be if she suggested going on a bender.

Max shrugs, a pained expression on her face.

“ Do something for yourself,” is Kate’s answer, “Something good, something you need.” The hand leaves her back as she watches Kate start squirming a bit in her seat as she wrings her hands together. “As much as I’d love to help, I’m not sure that it’s my place, or that there’s anything I can really do. I don’t know much about love and heartbreak. I’ve never dated. At all.”

“ This is… helping. A lot.” Chloe sniffles, wiping away her tears with her wrists. “Where’s this all coming from?”

Kate’s face flushes red as she shifts in her seat. “To be totally honest, I just asked myself what my pops would say in a moment like this. He’s really good at helping people when they’re in a bad place.”

“ Like father, like daughter.” She holds out a fist bump to Kate, and gets an adorable little bump back. “Thanks, I mean it.”

“ What are you going to do?”

Chloe looks out at Arcadia Bay. How many hours has she spent hating this fucking town? Everything is drenched in memories, good and bad. She can’t escape her past here, she can’t get a break from thinking about Max, Rachel, and her dad. David is everywhere and Joyce… “I think I need to leave.”

“ What?” Kate and Max ask at the same time, sudden horror and desperation in their voices.

“ Not forever, just…” Chloe shrugs and rubs her palms together as she sits up. Her bullet necklace clinks and clanks. “For a while. To clear my head and I dunno, process I guess?”

“ If you think it’ll help then absolutely.”

“ Thanks Kate,” Chloe says while looking at Max, who stares at her with wide eyes, “I think it will.”

Chapter 16: Baggage

Getting ready for a road trip might not be much of a purpose, but it’s better than fucking nothing. The self loathing hasn’t gone anywhere, but when does it? At least she has something to do other than fuck everything up with Max and Rachel. Her bed is piled up with everything she can think to bring. Her secret stash, old pots and pans, camping supplies, and plenty of clothes. She’s been at it for hours, enough to start sweating and tie her hair back. She even had the awareness to have a trash bag ready, so now her room is kind of clean.

If you squint at one corner of it.

At least she can turn in the empties for some extra cash. She doesn’t have a whole hell of a lot, but she can probably stretch it decently enough. Some nights under the stars in her truck wouldn’t be the worst idea. Not that she has any idea where the fuck she’s going. She doesn’t have a passport and Joyce isn’t about to let her take her birth certificate, so she can’t visit Canada. It’s kind of a bummer, but the US is so hella huge that she’s spoiled for choice.

Just anywhere that isn’t Arcadia Bay.

Chloe sits down on her desk and wipes her forearm against her forehead. They’re both sweaty, so all it does is kinda smear things around. The whole thing feels wrong. She shouldn’t be leaving by herself. Her whole plan was to get out of her with Rachel, but the whole Frank thing killed that. Maybe Max, but then she’d fucked that one up.

There’s a knock at the door. Joyce is too busy working. At least he’s not just barging in?

“What is it?”

“It’s me, are you decent?” asks David. 

“I don’t spend all day trying on new clothes,” says Chloe with a roll of her eyes, “It’s not even locked.”

The door opens and David steps inside, he doesn’t look pissed and she can’t think of anything she’s done wrong. “Chloe.”

“What?” Chloe folds her arms over her chest and stares at him.

“Your mom just wanted to know if you’d be…” He pauses, turning to look at the pile on her bed. “What the hell is that?”

“You know that you can just text me to ask, right?”

“I did, an hour ago. Now quit…” Chloe freezes up, waiting for him to snap. “Just answer the question.”

Chloe sighs. Her body is still tense. She almost wishes when he was just being a belligerent asshole. At least she knows how to deal with that. “I’m packing. For a road trip.”

“What about Max?” His mustache twitches as he frowns at her and crosses his arms. “How’re you going to pay for it? Did you get fired?”

“None of your business and none of your business.” Chloe glares at him. Her brain itches.“I already called my boss. He said that if he doesn’t hire someone by the time I get back I’ve still got a job. Anything else you want to know or can I get back to packing?”

The look on his face screams that he’s about to give her another lecture about respect, but instead he shakes his head and his hands drop to his sides. “Just needed to get away, huh?”

“Uh, yeah?” Chloe’s throat tightens. “That’s why people do road trips.”

David pauses and shakes his head. “That’s not what I— It’s about Max, isn’t it?”

Her blood runs cold. “What are you talking about?”

He looks so fucking sad all of a sudden, and it makes her skin crawl. “Fine, just… talk to your mom. Let her know when you’re coming back.”

“Sure.” Not that she knows when she’s coming back. Like sure, she wants to, but who knows when she’ll feel ready. Maybe not coming back wouldn’t be the worst idea.

David looks like he’s about to say something, but instead he walks out of the room and closes the door behind him.

“I almost miss when he was just a loud asshole.” Max’s voice makes Chloe jump out of her fucking skin. She turns to find Max with her bloody nose sitting on the edge of her bed. “At least that was predictable.”

Relief isn’t the right word, but she’s at least it’s not her dad. It hurts just a little less. “Are you just going to start appearing all the time now? Do I need to up my meds or something?”

“I don’t make the rules,” says Max with a shrug, “Product of your imagination,right? You want me here and so here I am.”

“I am not.” Chloe pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. “Why am I arguing with my fucking hallucination?”

“Beats me. Hey look, you’re cleaning your room!”

“Don’t you fucking start!”

Max laughs. Chloe’s heart aches. “So, where’s your first stop?”

“Fuck, I don’t know. Seattle?” If I’m seeing her, I might as well make use of it to figure out what I’m doing. “I could go see Steph, talk to her a bit.”

“Cool! Too bad I can’t exactly show you around or anything.” Max grimaces, shifting around on the bed as Chloe gets off the desk and starts trying to pack her clothes into a duffel-bag. “Or meet Steph.”

“Am I even going to see you after I leave Arcadia?” It’s a dumb question, but she asks it anyway.

“I know about as much as you do.”

Chloe hopes the answer is yes and she hates it.

---

 

“What the hell is wrong with me?”

It’s a very long list, and Rachel doesn’t know where to start. Instead she stares at her ceiling and tries not to think about how the stars created by her projector remind her of Max’s freckles. Maybe she could have just taken Max to the hospital to get warmed up and checked out right away, but an ER bill is probably the last thing the Caulfields needed.

She can’t stop thinking about what Max looks like naked.

It feels like it should be a problem. Chloe would kill her if she ever made a move. Even if Chloe totally botched things with Max. It’s definitely not a good idea. Max just got rejected. The last thing Rachel wants is to be is rebound.

But she still wants her.

Butterflies are log jammed in her throat just thinking about her breathy laugh and the way her freckles cascade down her shoulders. She can’t stop asking herself what Max’s breath hitching or her moans sound like.

This is bad.

Hella fucking bad.

They have to see her dad tomorrow . How is she going to be able to navigate that nightmare of a conversation while trying not to think about Max like this?

She’s pent up, but no amount of battery powered assistance is helping. Her dorm reeks, even with the window open. A stupid little voice whispers in the back of her mind to call Chloe. She’d understand.

No. She wouldn’t and Rachel’s taken enough advantage of her for one lifetime.

It’s hard not to feel like Chloe’s a wreck because of her. If she hadn’t fucked around with Frank then they’d be in sunny LA now. Except that would leave Max dealing with this by herself and that feels even worse. Maybe if she hadn’t focused so much of her time and attention on Max, but how could she not?

If there’s anything Rachel hates it’s feeling trapped, but she can’t see another answer. If she hadn’t stepped up for Max, who would? Natalie would have volunteered to fundraise even without her, but she wasn’t about to go charging into Well’s office over this. Victoria? Maybe, but she struggles to imagine her taking such a public risk over someone she claims to hate. Kate? Maybe, but she’s too gentle and sweet to take such direct action.

That’s not even touching on the whole mystery of suddenly going blind and shift in personality. She can almost buy it being the result of a near death experience. Almost.

Rachel grabs a pillow and screams into it.

She just needs to focus on dinner. Once she survives that, it’s party planning and hoping. If Max can stay at Blackwell then she can think about what to do with her very real and very distracting crush.

Her phone vibrates.

[Chloe | 7:38pm]

yo

you said to stay in touch so i'm staying in touch

Rachel’s eyes widen as an image loads. Chloe’s truck is packed with suitcases and bags.

“What the fuck?!”

[Chloe | 7:39pm]

going on a road trip

dunno when i'll be back

[Rachel | 7:40pm]

What? Why?

[Chloe | 7:42pm]

you said i should do something

so i’m doing it

[Rachel | 7:43pm]

Where are you going?

[Chloe | 7:43pm]

visiting steph first

after that ???

Rachel’s heart is in her throat. Sure, she’s still furious with Chloe, but leaving? Without her?

[Rachel | 7:45pm]

You’d better tell me where you go every day and when you get there safely.

[Chloe | 7:46pm]

i'll be in touch

let max know for me?

Rachel’s hands are shaking as she stares at the message. A million and one terrible things that could happen to Chloe in that beater truck of her’s flip through her mind, but she knows she won’t be able to talk her out of this. Maybe if she’d been there before she started packing, but not now.

[Rachel | 7:50pm]

I’ll tell her.

Drive safe or I’ll hunt you down.

---

 

Life is so much easier in someone else’s past.

The thought should probably be concerning, but that would mean sitting in the present and thinking about how badly she’s fucked up. Was the way Chloe rejected her shitty? Absolutely. But in hindsight it’s so obvious that she wouldn’t get a yes. Past Chloe’s showed interest by trying to tease out how she felt about girls and if she had any interest in guys.

This Chloe had talked about her shit with Rachel.

Max has no idea how much extra time she’s lived subjectively. Years, possibly even decades, but somehow she’s still an 18 year old idiot. Maybe she’s cursed.

Her guitar is in her hands, and she idly strums out a few minor chords. She’s not sure if it’s helping her cover, or if it’s breaking character, but either way it feels good for the strings to vibrate against her fingers and for the sound to fill her ears. She’s spent more time practicing in the past week than in the past few months. Just maybe she’s starting to see some actual improvement. Who knows, if Rachel manages to pull a rabbit out of her hat she’ll be able to think about changing programs. Not that she’s a good enough musician for it, but it’s the thought that counts.

Maybe she should actually try and practice, but what’s left of her heart just isn’t into it. If Chloe doesn’t think she can take care of herself, why would anyone at Blackwell? Sure, Kate and Rachel have her back, but they can’t exactly fundraise all the money by themselves.

It feels like a wild goose chase.

She plucks at a string in the past and falls back into Rachel.

“Rock it girl!” Rachel giggles as she turns to see Max dressed in some of her clothes. Max’s heart aches, while Rachel finds punk rocker Max absolutely adorable.

“Ready for the mosh pit,” says the past Max as  she strikes a pose, “Shaka brah.”

Rachel’s giggle turns into full laughter as she nearly falls off of her spot on Max’s bed. Max might be cringing at herself, but Rachel finds it endearing. “Okay, never talk like that again. Especially if you’re in Cali.”

Max giggles too, her face turning bright red. “I wasn’t exactly planning on going there.”

“What? Of course you are!” Rachel bounces up onto her feet, but Max can still feel her guardedness. “You have to go!”

“I dunno,” Max shifts, closing in on herself and holding her own arm, “It doesn’t really feel like me.”

“You’ll have to at least come visit.” Rachel isn’t subtle with unspoken implication in the words. Visit her and Chloe. Even with her plan to make things right with Chloe, a few weeks later Rachel is going to yell at Chloe for rejecting her.

Even if Rachel is being nice with her, and being kind to her, she can still feel the walls and the agenda. What happened to them?

Something has changed, and she’s not sure what or when.

She surfaces from the memory, her mind is too loud to stay down there. Rachel’s plan involved getting back with Chloe. Has she changed her mind? Sure, she talked about not having the right to object, but that doesn’t feel like her at all. Max has spent too much time inside of Rachel’s head, feeling her love of theatrics and how much she tries to plan because she has to . Maybe Rachel felt like she couldn’t say anything, because it would have upset Max and that would have made Chloe angry with her? Getting mad at her would have achieved the same thing.

Rachel clearly has new motivations now, but whatever they are is a mystery. She can’t peek into anyone’s pasts beyond when she joined this timeline, she’s tried and failed miserably.

There’s a knock on her door.

“Hey,” Rachel asks, “Mind if I come in?”

Max strums out an A major chord before setting her guitar down against her nightstand. “Go ahead.”

The door clicks open and shut, and the familiar shuffle of Rachel’s sneakers over the shitty carpet and her rug approaches her. “How are you feeling? Mind if I sit?”

“Go ahead, I don’t even know why you ask anymore. You know how I feel and you know I’m going to say yes.”

“Feels weird not to,” Rachel half laughs, but she can’t hide her sadness, “Call it force of habit.”

“Well consider yourself as having Max’s Bed privileges.”

Rachel snorts and Max can feel her shuffling around on the bed next to her. “I’m honoured. Are you okay to talk about something heavy?”

She’s not, but it’s going to eat at her if she doesn’t know. “Did something happen?”

“Kinda. But nobody’s hurt.”

“Just spit it out.”

There’s a heavy sigh. “Chloe’s going on a road trip. By herself. She doesn’t know when she’ll be back.”

Max’s heart crumbled and imploded. Tears started pricking at the corner of her eyes. “What? She’s leaving?”

“She’s coming back.”

“But what if something happens to her? She’s going to be alone, what if—”

The bed bounces and hands grab her shoulders. Knees press down on either side of her lap.  “Max, listen to me. Chloe is a big girl. She can take care of herself.”

It takes every ounce of Max’s self control not to break character and start laughing hysterically. She’s lost count of the number of times and ways she’s had to keep Chloe from dying.

“She’ll be back, okay? She needs some time away to think things through and figure some shit out. The space will be good for her. She’s coming back to us.”

Max isn’t sure who Rachel is trying to convince. Her face is all wet as tears stream down her cheeks. This is her fault. All of it is. She couldn’t just sit and be patient, that would have been smart! No, she just had to try and start things because she’s a selfish idiot.

Arms wrap around her, and the smell of lavender fills her head. “I’m so fucking sorry, this is the worst timing, but I’m sure it’ll be for the best.”

“She’s just… She’d better be safe.” Max chokes out.

“She promised to check in with me every day. I’ll keep you updated, I promise.”

Max sniffles as the hug ends and a tissue box is pressed into her chest. She grabs it and starts blowing her nose. “You’d better.”

“I wouldn’t dream of keeping you out of the loop. She might have rejected you, but I don’t think you two are done being friends.” The bed shifts as Rachel sits next to her again. “But that’ll be hard if you get kicked out of here.”

“Yeah… Is this about dinner with your dad?”

“Unfortunately. I know you already hate his guts, but we just need to get through this.”

Max nods along as Rachel starts talking about strategies, she’s only half paying attention. All she learned about Rachel’s family during that week was that they refused to look for her while Chloe is in the picture and she’s only gotten fragments during her dives.

She’s going to have to do some exploring.

Notes:

As a heads up, this is going to be the end of regular updates for a while. I'm hoping to keep updating sporadically, but my full focus is going to be on the Inkfort Press publishing derby until September. Here's hoping I can complete it and have something fun for you all to read!

Hope you all enjoy!

Chapter 17: Setting Sail

“Welcome to Warrenton.” Chloe reads the sign aloud. She’s probably an idiot for starting so late, but the thought of spending another night in Arcadia Bay filled her skull with fire ants. She’s been here before for small time basement concerts with Steph and Rachel, but this feels different. She’s going further, even if it means babying her truck.

She’s left Arcadia Bay. She doesn’t feel a whole lot better though, there’s still a gaping hole in her chest. At least she isn’t there any more. She’s got a decent chunk of change in her account and some bills that Joyce slipped her as she left.

“Not far now,” Max says from her spot next to her, “Next stop, Washington.”

Chloe glances through the rear-view mirror. Max isn’t in it, but she’s lurking in the corner of her eye. Right where she was sitting when it happened. “Guess you’re coming with me, huh?”

“Do you really want to do this alone?” Max’s low, raspy tone makes Chloe’s heart ache. 

“No, I don’t. It’s just hella weird to go on a road trip with the hallucination of the girl you rejected.”

“I mean…” Max rubs her hands together and soundlessly squirms in her seat. “If it helps, you can think of me as a different Max.”

A little smile finds its way onto Chloe’s face. A different Max, from before that day. It sounds too good to be true. “Too bad I can’t wipe the blood off your face.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s stuck there.” That gets her a small, soft laugh that makes her melt. Why the fuck had she said no?

The highway turns into a bridge over the bay and into Astoria. The streetlights pulse light into the cabin every few seconds. She reaches out a hand to touch the phantom Max, but pulls short. She doesn’t know if that’ll shatter the illusion and she’ll be alone again, so instead she reaches past her into the glove box and pulls out her CD case.

“Too bad I can’t put anything on,” says Max with a soft sigh, “You should really focus on the road.”

“Too bad.” Chloe’s throat is tight as she flips through to where she’s pretty sure Max’s old mix is. She knows she’s found it when she hears a soft gasp from Max.

“I can’t believe you packed it!”

“It’s just you and me on a road trip, I might as well.”

Chloe pops the disk into the player and nods along in time to the music. She can’t count the number of times she’s listened to this mix. Max softly sings along. The only thing that could make it perfect is if she was able to reach out and touch her.

Instead Max breaks the mood with a simple question, “Why are you taking the coast road?”

“I don’t feel like dealing with Portland, besides, it’s a nice drive.”

“It’s beautiful, I just wish I had my camera. And was alive.”

“I should have brought my dad’s camera, you could have taught me how to use it.”

Max’s laughter mixes with the music and it fills in a little bit of the sucking void in Chloe’s chest. “That would’ve been fun.”

“At least I can still use my phone.”

“Bleh, I hate phone cameras,” Max sighs, “But it’s better than nothing I guess. And no using it while driving!”

“Fine, fine.” Chloe slides her phone back into her jacket pocket as she reaches the intersection to turn onto the bridge over the Columbia river. Her hands tighten around the wheel. “This is the furthest I’ve been from Arcadia since Dad died.”

Max’s phantom hand lands on her forearm, and but she feels nothing. “I’m sorry.”

Chloe clenches her molars together as the stares at the red light ahead of her. “I almost want to turn back.”

“Why’s that?”

“I dunno, scared I guess.” Chloe takes a deep breath as the light turns green and she turns left onto the ramp. “It’s a hella big country, anything could happen. I’m a teenage girl all by myself in the middle of the night.”

“You’re not alone,” Max says softly, and for a second Chloe swears that she feels a cold touch on her arm, “You’ve got me.”

---

 

Max’s hands grip her cane while she waits with Rachel in front of the school, dressed in the finest clothes Rachel could scrounge. Long ago screaming matches swirl fresh in her mind and fill the void left by Chloe. She’s spent all day avoiding that particular agony by trying to get every scrap of detail she can get about Rachel’s family through borrowed eyes, and it’s… not a good picture. Rose is nice enough, if sanctimonious. The real problem is James. The way he talked about Chloe still has her blood boiling.

At least, until she remembers that Chloe’s gone .

The last Rachel told her, she was safe in a roadside motel on the coast. She’d give anything for it to be her making that trip with her. Not that she can take in the sights or anything, but still. A road trip with Chloe was always something she’d wanted.

“Nervous?” Rachel asks in a gentle tone before giving her shoulder a squeeze. The casualness that Rachel seems to have with her now is so weird after seeing herself through her eyes. Are her defenses down because Max is blind, or has something else changed?

Why had she taken her side over Chloe’s?

“A bit, yeah.” Max weakly smiles as she tries to imagine just how much her character is supposed to know about them. Rachel had told her a lot, but keeping it all in order is a challenge. “Can’t say I’m looking forward to it.”

“Just go with the flow. He knows nothing about you, he just wants to make sure you’re not like Chloe.”

“I couldn’t be less like her.”

Rachel softly snorts. “I don’t know about that But you are sober, you’ve got your natural hair colour, and I didn’t see any tattoos on you. That’ll go a long way with him.”

Max’s body heats up. Right. Rachel saw her naked. “I’ll do my best.”

Rachel’s hand moves to gently rub the center of her back, “It’s okay for you to be shy and nervous.”

She’s never been good at improvising, but she’s spent enough time in Rachel’s head to understand the concept of ‘yes, and’. “Right. Just be myself.”

“Like I said, you’ll get along with Rose. Expect her to dote on you.”

Max snorts and taps her cane against the ground a few times. “Oh no, two of you.”

That gets a laugh out of Rachel, which is enough to get a smile onto her own face. It’s such a pretty, bubbly sound. “I do not dote on you! … Right?”

The sudden waiver in Rachel’s voice sends a strange little thrill through Max. She shouldn’t be able to tease Rachel, but somehow she is and it’s incredible. “You’re nothing like Warren, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Thank god,” says Rachel, just a little too quickly, “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You don’t.” Max dips her tone down into something soft as she reaches up and gives Rachel’s arm a squeeze. “If anything, you make me a lot more comfortable.”

Rachel’s hand on her back freezes for a momen. “Glad to hear it. Just remember, I’m going to play things up a bit. We need to put on a bit of a show for my dad. There’s Rose, right on time.”

A show for her dad, huh? The sound of tires crunching over grit and gravel on the road fills Max’s hearing, along with the gentle hum of an engine. The crunching stops and a car door opens. “Hello Max, it’s so good to meet you. I’m Rose. I hope I didn’t make you wait.”

“Hey Rose.” Max does her best to smile and wave in the direction of the voice. “It’s good to meet you too, Rachel’s told me a lot.”

“Good things, I hope.” Comes the fake half joke.

“Here, let me get the door for you,” Rachel jumps in before Max can say anything, and her hand is on Max’s elbow. A door opens and there’s a gentle pressure pushing her forward. Max doesn’t need the help, but she can imagine James getting touchy about someone poking his car with a cane, rubber tip or not. Instead she holds her hands out, feeling the car door and looking for the handle. “Go all the way through, I’ll sit next to you.”

Max folds up her cane really quickly before feeling her way across the back seat. It’s very spacious, and the seats are ridiculously comfortable. Sitting down, she can feel Rachel pressing in close to her.

“I’ll get your seat belt.”

“Sure.” It’s almost enough to make Max laugh. She could figure out the seat belt on her own. Under ordinary circumstances, she’d be pissed at Rachel, but this is a performance.

Rachel’s body presses close. The seat belt clicks. Doors shut. The engine purrs back into life as Max feels herself gently pressed back into her seat.

“I’m really sorry about what happened to you.” Hearing Rose’s voice tells Max exactly where Rachel got her soft and gentle tone from. “I can’t imagine what you’re going through.”

“It’s been really hard. I miss my camera every day, and I can’t tell you how much it sucks that I can’t look at my work. I’m grateful for everyone helping me, but I’ve lost a huge part of myself and I’ll never get it back.”

Rachel’s hand finds her forearm and gives it a gentle squeeze.

“And they want to kick you out on top of that.” There’s real, genuine anger behind Rose’s words. “I can’t believe it. James should really put you in touch with a disability lawyer willing to work pro-bono.”

“Thanks,” Max half laughs, “Rachel’s been a huge help through the whole thing. I’d be totally lost without her.”

“I think you’d manage,” Rachel laughs softly, “You’d be screwed without Kate though.”

That gets a real laugh from Max. “Who would have guessed she’d know braille? I bet you would have learned it though, just so you could teach me.”

“Who says I’m not learning?”

A soft chuckle from up front interrupts their conversation. “Well, aren’t you two close?”

“Yeah.” Put on a show. Right. Max’s chest tights as she shifts her hand to grab Rachel’s hand. This ought to give James a good reason to want to back me. “We’re really close.”

She can feel Rachel freeze up in her seat. Rachel’s nervous laughter makes her heart flutter. “Hella close.”

---

 

Chloe’s leg jackhammers against linoleum tiles as she sits in a coffee shop booth waiting for Steph to finish up assignments. She’s still fucking tired. Sleep had evaded her until dawn. Max sits across from her, scooched over in a little cocoon between the wall, the table, and the tall back. The whole place is pretty fucking nice. All around her are students with notebooks or laptops in front of them and headphones on.

The weirdest part is that Chloe fits right in. Their hair runs the entire rainbow, and there’s plenty of tattoos and piercings. Maybe in some weird world she could have ended up going here with Steph.

If her life hadn’t gone to total shit.

But making games is more Steph’s thing than hers, she just enjoys playing them. That doesn’t mean she couldn’t have gone to a school in town and roomed with her or something. Chloe takes a sip of her coffee. Her muffin is long gone and she’s already debating getting a second one.

Max sighs as she holds up her thumbs and forefingers in a viewfinder. “I wish we had some place like this in Arcadia.” 

“We’d have to crowbar you out of there every single day.” Chloe snorts as she glances between the door and Max. “The Two Whales isn’t hipster enough for you.”

“It’s the best kind of retro, don’t get me wrong. But it’s just not comfy like this.”

“Joyce would kick your ass for saying that.” Chloe takes another sip and swirls her mug of coffee around.

“Good thing she can’t hear me.”

“Shit, I didn’t—”

“It’s okay, and maybe you shouldn’t talk to me too much. It might attract too much attention.”

“They might see that I’m as crazy as I feel.” Chloe sighs and rubs her temples. Max has to be getting to James’ house for dinner about now. She can only imagine how fucked up she has to be feeling right now, and she made it worse.

Chloe catches Steph out of the corner of her eye. She honestly doesn’t look all that different. Same jacket, new beanie. Chloe gives her a wave and Steph nods to her and smiles before hurrying over to the counter.

“You’re not crazy,” says Max softly, her incorporeal hands reaching across the table, “You’re just… going through some stuff.”

Chloe frowns and takes another sip of her coffee as she watches Steph hustling over to her booth with a mug in her hands. “Hey.”

“Hey!” Steph’s voice is breathless as she shrugs off her backpack and pushes it into the booth before sitting down. Max scrunches up further into the corner. “Sorry I’m so late, I was working on a crazy huge group project. You wouldn’t believe how many assignments they’re piling on us. I barely have time to sleep and eat, never mind keeping up with everyone. Do you mind if I keep working while we talk?”

“It’s fine. I don’t expect you to just drop everything just because I showed up.”

Steph shoots her a concerned look as she hauls her laptop out of her bag and flips up lid. “I always have some time for you.”

Chloe’s flushes, and she hides it by taking a sip of her coffee. “Thanks.”

“So what’s going on? I never thought I’d see you here, or by yourself.”

“That’s… what I wanted to talk about.” Here we fucking go. She glances over at Max, who gives her a double thumbs up. “Some shit happened and I don’t really know who else I can talk to.”

“Ah, girl trouble . Okay, out with it. What happened?”

Her lips are suddenly dry as she avoids Steph’s expectant gaze. “It’s kinda hella more than that.”

“Chloe…”

“You remember Max, right?”

Recognition dawns on Steph’s face. “Yeah, your old best friend. The photographer you texted me about last summer. Did she send you a letter and stuff?”

“Yeah.”

“And the reunion went well?”

“It was good. Great, even.” A small smile dawns on Chloe’s face before withering away. She takes another sip. “She got along with Rachel, everything was going fine.”

“Hold on, let me use my powers of divination,” Steph holds up her hands and wiggles her fingers, “She likes girls too.”

“How the fuck—”

Steph laughs and stares up at the ceiling as Max’s face flushes. “I feel like a woman dying of thirst watching another woman drown!”

“That’s not—”

“And Rachel had a problem with—”

“God dammit Gingrich, stop!” Chloe groans as she rocks back in her seat and her hands bang on the table. “Just… listen, okay?”

“I’m not hearing that I’m wrong.” Steph waggles her mug at Chloe before taking a swig.

“The three of us were hanging out, Max had some kind of seizure and went blind.”

Steph freezes with the mug to her lips, white as a sheet. “What?”

“I was just driving along. Rachel and Max were talking, Max was joking with her. It was going great until Max got real quiet, took a picture and then she just started gushing blood out of her nose. I fucking floored it to the hospital while Rachel held her, but we were too late. Her optic nerve is fried and she’s got these crazy cataracts.”

“Holy. Shit.”

“Yeah. Rachel and I were with her the whole time, we got a motel room and took shifts with her parents to keep an eye on her.”

“So you and Rachel were sharing a bed again,” Steph says cautiously, like she’s tip toeing through a minefield, “That must’ve been aw—”

“We fucked.”

“What?! Chloe! You said—”

“I know, I know! I know what I said, I was there. I just… I don’t know. It was crazy stressful and she was there and… I told her it didn’t mean anything and she got all pissed. Don’t give me that look.”

Steph holds up her hands in mock surrender. “Kinda hard not to. I mean, I figured that you were at least thinking of taking her back after Frank, but this?”

“It was a weird time, okay? That's not the point. We were focused on taking care of Max anyways, she was the main priority.”

“So… Putting two and two together, she’s at Blackwell for photography, and she’s blind. I’m guessing she’s fucked.”

“ Royally. Rachel actually stormed into Well’s office with Natalie and Kate Marsh, you remember her, right?”

“Religious girl? Short, big bun, probably gay as fuck?”

“What? Seriously?”

Steph waves a hand at her. “Don’t worry about it, not the point. Hell of a party for that dungeon with.”

“Yeah, they got him to agree to letting them try and fundraise for what she needs.”

“Wild. Rachel must seriously like Max if she’s going to bat for her like this.”

Chloe shrugs and taps her fingers on the sides of her mug. “I dunno. I kinda wondered how much of it was for her, and how much of it is for me.”

“So, what brings you to Seattle?” Steph leans forward over her laptop, fingers steepled together. “What do you need my wisdom for?”

“I… I don’t know. I think I fucked up with Max. She tried to come on to me, dared me to kiss her. I thought it was a joke, which pissed her off and Rachel gave me hell for.”

“Am I in the Twilight Zone? Rachel got mad that you didn’t kiss another woman? ”

“Fucking tell me about it. I swung by Blackwell to apologize and talk through shit with her. Like I’m not over Rachel—”

“Yup.”

“— And I keep seeing her with blood just gushing out of her face. Like every time I close my eyes, I’m carrying her into the emergency room wondering if she’s dead or not.”

“Fuck. That’s heavy. I’m so sorry.”

“Thanks.” Chloe twists her mug back and forth in her hands. “I was just sitting there in my truck, seeing that and freaking out when Max gets in and I say sorry, then she fucking asks me to kiss her fore real and I hella freaked on her. I told her that it was a bad idea and gave her a bunch of bullshit reasons that just pissed her off. She like ran off into the woods and Rachel had to go rescue her before she told me to meet her in the junkyard so she could fucking scream at me.”

“Rachel Amber screamed at you for rejecting Max?” Steph blinks a few times as she holds her head in her hands. “Where’s Rod Sterling?”

“That’s really what you’re focusing on?”

“You just threw so much shit at me, I just need a minute. Okay?”

Silence stretches out as Chloe grimaces and takes a mouthful of her coffee. She would kill for a smoke right now, but she doesn’t want to move.

“So, are you still seeing that stuff?”

“Yeah,” says Chloe as she glances over at Max, “I am.”

“If you’re coming to see me, I’m guessing therapy isn’t really a thing you can do.”

“Pretty much, yeah. I don’t even know if there are any in Arcadia Bay, and I can’t exactly go to Portland all the time. I don’t even know if any would take my insurance.”

“Okay, I get you. I’m just… Fuck. Chloe, I’m so sorry. I’d say that you could stay with me, but the rules are pretty strict.”

“I wasn’t planning on it. I only came to Seattle to talk to you, make sure I’m not completely fucking crazy for doing this.”

“For doing what?”

“I’m kinda going on a road trip, I guess? Getting away from Arcadia for a while seemed like a good idea.”

“I mean,” Steph rubs the back of her neck and looks down at her laptop, “It’s not the worst idea? Get away, clear your head, give everyone some time to cool down.”

“Thanks.” Chloe sags a little in her seat. She’s so fucking tired, but a little lighter. “I needed to hear that.”

“I’d offer to come with you, but…” Steph points at her laptop and grimaces. “I’m stupid busy.”

“It’s cool. I think this is a me thing.” Chloe flicks her eyes over to Max and her smile brightens a little bit.

“Call me, okay? I’m going to forget to reply to texts. Shit, I’m pretty sure I’ve got three unread messages from my parents right now.”

Chloe laughs and takes a sip of her coffee. At least she’s not the only bad daughter around. “Should I go?”

“Absolutely fucking not. I haven’t seen you in months, you are not getting off that easily.”

Notes:

A little treat for everyone, thank you all for being so patient and I hope you enjoy while I keep working on this contest.

Chapter 18: Stormy Waters

Rachel Amber doesn't reel. She doesn't flounder, flail, or stumble. She goes through life with purpose and playful poise. She is certain of herself and her goals, and she is willing to do whatever it takes. At least, that’s who she tries to be.

Rachel’s mind is tumbling in free-fall. Her palms are all sweaty and her face burns. All because of Max. Rachel's plan for tonight is shattered, all because of a single sentence and a gesture. What could she do but 'yes, and'? Contradicting her right in front of Rose would have been even worse.

Now she just has to pretend to be the girlfriend of someone she has a big fat crush on. Simple, easy, and definitely a fucking terrible idea. How far can she take this? Hand holding is one thing, but some sort of PDA beyond that is to be expected. What is Max okay with? A simple chaste peck? Something more? Nothing beyond a hug?

Rachel doesn't do this, yet somehow Max of all people has her on the spot.

At least she can't see how red her face is.

Her guts twist.

“And we’re here!” Rose announces, stopping her thankfully light probing of her and Max, and whatever they have going on.

“I’ll help Max.” Rachel chimes, pouring as much charm as she can into her voice to mask her nerves. “We won’t be long.”

Rose nods and turns off the engine. “Sure thing, I’ll go let James know we’re here.”

Max gives her hand a squeeze as she reaches over to undo her seatbelt. “Thanks. Anything I should watch out for?”

“The steps going up to the house have a bit of an overhang,” says Rachel as she pops the seatbelt and Rose gets out of the car. She waits for the door to close. “What the hell are you doing?”

A ghost of a smile passes over Max’s lips as she pats down the door for the handle. “You said to put on a show, and I thought that maybe–”

“He’ll be more okay with helping if we’re dating?” Hair stands up on the back of her neck. This is not the Max Caulfield she knows. She can scheme, sure, but not like this.

Max at least has the courtesy to grimace. “I know it’s spur of the moment.”

“I can roll with it, but can you?” Rachel’s jaw hardens as she grabs Max’s door handle for you. “How far are you willing to go?”

Max reaches a hand up to cup Rachel’s cheek, who freezes up as Max leans forward. It feels like a kiss is coming, but instead Max whispers, “Just gotta ‘Yes, and’, right?”

“Yeah, uh, that’s it.” Rachel’s voice waivers for a moment. Max releases her cheek and slides out of the car. Her heart is racing. The car is too small and too hot. She needs out and away and to stop thinking about what Max’s lips would feel like. Turning around, she opens up her own door and scoots out into the cool autumn air. It does little to settle her nerves, but at least her skin doesn’t feel like it’s on fire.

Her parent’s house looms over them as she rounds the car to get to Max, who is standing there and tapping around her with her cane. Rachel reaches out and brushes her fingers against Max’s hand. Might as well commit to it. Just assume he’s watching. “Come on, it’s this way.”

Max flashes her a smile and takes the offered hand. Rachel gently guides her around the car and to the door. Every fiber of her body screams at her to bounce and run back to the dorms, but she can’t. She can’t because Max needs this. The same Max who apparently wants to pretend they’re dating.

The worst part is that Max’s logic is sound. James has always been desperate for her to get rid of Chloe. A new girlfriend who is all mild mannered and sweet would be perfect, especially if they can let it slip that Chloe’s left town. He can connect those dots and come up with whatever answer he wants.

Honestly, fixating on the possibility of kissing those cute chapstick covered lips gets her mind off of the fucking chasm under her tightrope act.

Rachel can still remember Chloe’s reaction to this ridiculous house, and it’s enough to get a smile onto her face as she opens the door. “Right in this way.”

“You must be Max Caulfield.”

A chill runs down Rachel’s spine. James stands just inside the doorway. His face looks just like his campaign signs and it’s so fucking annoying. Max can’t even see his fakeass smile. She keeps her own smile on. “Max, this is my dad, James Amber.”

“Hello Rachel.” A mockery of warmth coats his voice as he steps back.

“Hello Mr. Amber, it’s really nice to meet you.” Max taps her way inside and Rachel closes the door. She times it just right to miss them shaking hands. “Thank you so much for this.”

“I’m happy to help the community however I can. I’m still really sorry to hear about what happened to you. I can’t imagine what you must be going through.”

Ugh, vomit.

“It’s been a lot,” says Max, her voice still as soft and earnest as ever. Rachel might just make an actor out of her yet. “But Rachel’s been such a huge help. I don’t know how I’d manage without her.”

“Being modest, as always.” Rachel flashes her dad another smile as she takes Max’s hand again. If Rose hasn’t told him yet, she might as well lean into it. She leads Max over towards the dinner table. “She would be figuring things out just fine without me.”

Sure enough, it doesn’t even phase him, but the smile on his face does get a little more sincere. She wants to scream. “How’d you two meet?”

Don’t mention Chloe, don’t mention Chloe, don’t mention— “Our dorms are across the hall from each other,” says Max, smooth as silk, “We were bound to run into each other sooner or later. I’m just lucky that Rachel knocked on my door.”

“So, how does Chloe fit into all of this?” James asks as they all sit down at the table, with Rachel and Max sitting next to each other on their fairly new all wooden table.

Shit. Fuck! Rachel opens her mouth, but Max doesn’t miss a beat. “We’ve been friends since grade school. I, um, moved away just as her dad died. Reconnecting with her was pretty rough.”

“She’s actually left town,” Rachel seizes the opportunity to jump in, at least Max has corroborated what Chloe already told her dad, “Something about a road trip.”

“Right now?” James raises an eyebrow and Rachel makes a pained face in response. Let him make his stupid assumptions.

“It’s for the best,” Max’s voice drops down into her low, raspy range, “She needs some space from us.”

Us. Damn Max, way to push him right where we want him. Rachel gives Max’s hand a squeeze. “Yeah. I think it’ll do us all some good for her to be away from Arcadia Bay for a while.”

“That girl always needed to get away from here,” Rose adds as she walks over to the table with her arms loaded up with salads, “Are you keeping in touch, making sure she’s safe?”

At least she can still pretend to give a fuck. “She texts me where she’s going and when she gets there, but that’s about it.” Rachel shrugs before glancing over at Max.

“So, how’d this start?” James gestures at the two of them. “You haven’t stopped holding hands since you got in the door.

Max’s face flushes as she fidgets in her seat. Rachel’s stomach lurches. “Just a couple of days ago.” Max squeezes her hand. “I did something stupid and got lost in the woods while it was raining. Rachel got a bunch of people out there looking for me and made sure I got inside and let me get warmed up in her room. I was so grateful for her, and I started thanking her for everything she’s been doing for me…”

“Before I knew it, one thing lead to another…” Rachel completed the thought and turned in her seat to look at Max fully as she let the walls around her crush fall away, just for now. She needs to look the part, so she might as well feel it. It’s easy to imagine the two of them leaning closer and closer together while Max was still cold and recovering. Their lips touch and Rachel slides in under the covers with her to warm up her naked body…

“Awwww, that’s really sweet,” Rose coos, dragging Rachel’s attention back to the moment at hand, “We’re having a simple garden salad to start, Max, and we’ll be having duck de l’orange after.”

“Oh, I’ve never had duck!” Max half laughs as Rachel lets go of her hand so they can both grab their utensils. “I hope I like it.”

“I’m sure you will.” Rachel turns her fork over in her hand and tries not to think about how sweaty her palms are.

---

 

Max has had plenty of tense dinners in her life. Like the time she’d broken the banister and she had to sit there through the whole thing and let Chloe lie that it was her fault, her mom’s frostiness about applying to Blackwell, or any number of dinners she’d spent sitting across from David in any number of timelines.

None of them quite compare to the Ambers. David and Chloe yelled at each other, and her mom openly condescended, but Rachel and James layer everything in passive aggressive subtext.

“—casting is just a formality really, I know I have the part.” Rachel says at the end of a long, winding diatribe about the play for this winter. At least it’s a good way to keep the conversation away from her.

“You’re getting ahead of yourself,” says James, his tone as neutral as it has been all conversation, “You never know how it’s going to go.”

“Maybe if more people auditioned.”

“Nobody comes close anyways,” Max adds, trying to play the part she’s made for herself as Rachel’s loving and supportive girlfriend. It seems to be working so far.

“It’s too bad that you’ll just have to listen to it.” Rose says, probably just glad to get the conversation away from the mind games James and Rachel are playing. “Rachel is spectacular on stage.”

The words sting, even if Rose probably means well. “Maybe, but there’s lots to enjoy about her voice. It’s really fun to listen to her rehearsing.”

“I’ll have to find a way to get you a braille copy so you can help me,” Rachel’s voice slips down a register and Max feels her hand rest on her shoulder, “That way I won’t be the only one forgetting my lines.”

That gets Max giggling as she sets her fork down on her plate. “Yeah, because I’ll be the one doing it.”

“Do you have much of an interest in drama, Max?” James’ voice cuts through their banter.

“Um, not really.” She can feel her face heating up as she does her best to smile in the direction of his voice and she has to fight the urge to start fidgeting. “I don’t think I could ever get up on a stage.”

Rachel gives her shoulder a squeeze. “She’s shy.”

“I guess I’m just curious what you’ll be doing if you’re able to stay at Blackwell.” His words turn Max’s blood to ice. She has no fucking idea what she’s going to do, but she can’t just say that she’s been to busy getting rejected by Chloe to think about it.

“It’s really more of one step at a time thing, once she’s—”

“I want to hear her thoughts,” James cuts Rachel off, “After all, it’s her future.”

Max’s throat tightens and she tries her best to fall back into her borrowed memories of how Rachel dealt with this stuff. Just a little bit of truth goes a long way. “I’m still trying to figure that out, but for now I’m focused on just staying in the first place.”

“Does anything come to mind?” Asks Rose. Max can hear the wince in her voice.

“I mean, I like playing my guitar, and I’m good at memorizing what I need to play so I don’t exactly need sheet music in front of me. I’m just not sure if I’ll be able to transfer into the music program. I used to draw, but...”

“She’s got time to think about it,” says Rachel, her hand squeezing Max’s shoulder to the edge of pain, “The fundraising party is on Thursday and all she needs to do for that is show up and give a speech.”

“This whole thing is ridiculous,” says Rose, “This has to be violating the ADA.”

Max reaches up a hand to give Rachel’s hand on her shoulder a squeeze of her own. “He probably thinks I can’t fight back.”

“That’s where he’s wrong.” Rachel finishes the thought for her as she finally relaxes her grip.

“Well, I think that’s dinner about done,” Rose says before James has a chance to speak, “Why don’t you two head upstairs while James and I wash up. Desert will be in a little bit.”

Rachel is out of her seat before Max has a chance to finish processing Rose’s words. “Sounds great, come on Max.”

“Yeah, sure.” Max barely has time to get her cane unfolded before she’s on her feet and Rachel is holding her hand, pulling her along. Her brain itches. The performance feels incomplete. Sure, she’s complimented Rachel’s talents, and they’ve had plenty of physical contact, but she can’t tell if James is buying any of this. Sure, he’s agreed to some things as far as she can tell, but maybe if she can make this feel real to him then he’ll give her the support she needs. She hates the idea of her replacing Chloe in Rachel’s life. She’s seen what they have, heard Chloe’s grief countless times, and visited too many memories of James trying to twist Rachel’s arm to drive them apart. Her cane bumps against the foot of the stairs and she tugs back on Rachel’s hand. 

“Sorry, too fast?” Rachel wants to get away from her dad, but she needs to wait just a moment longer.

“A bit,” Max admits as she steps closer to Rachel and slides her hand up her arm before cupping her cheek. At least she’s about Rachel’s height, no awkward tiptoes and craning her neck like with Chloe or Victoria. She feels Rachel freeze up against her palm, but she doesn’t say no or pull away. They both know this is a performance. Rachel’s playing her part perfectly. It’s not a passionate kiss by any means. A quick peck as a thank you really, but Rachel’s lips are so soft.

The delicious taste of duck de l’orange lingers in her mouth. Her hand finds Rachel’s again and Max starts up the stairs. A giggle finds it’s way out of her as it’s her turn to give Rachel a tug, she’s not moving. She can only imagine the stunned expression that Rachel must have. It’s a shame that she can’t use her camera any more.

Maybe that was breaking character, but what alternative does she have? She’ll just have to find a way to explain it all away once they’re alone.

Jame’s voice follows them upstairs. “Keep the door open.”

She shoots, she scores.

---

 

Max should change her name to Prometheus, because she’s playing with fire. Rachel thinks to herself as she steps into her bedroom. Her face is on fire. Her heart is pounding. It was only a kiss; how did she end up like this? Only a kiss? Yeah, right. It was only a kiss from the girl you have a hella big crush on.

There’s no way Max knows about that, how could she? She can’t be deliberately riling Rachel up; this has to be about her dad. “Here we are, my bedroom.”

Max sighs as she lets go of Rachel’s hand, her cane waves ahead of her as she slowly walks around the room until she finds the bed. “That was exhausting.”

“They always are.” Rachel watches with her arms crossed as Max finds her bed and sits down on it. “I wouldn’t worry too much about them coming up here, James is just being an ass.”

“It worked though.” Max grins at her like she’s just won a prize at a fair game and Rachel’s heart skips a beat.

“Yeah. I think so.” Even as angry as she is, it’s hard not to think about how close together their hands are, or how soft Max’s lips were. “Can’t say I ever pictured you pulling a stunt like this.”

That cute little grin falters for a moment as red rises in Max’s cheeks. That’s more the Max she knows. “I didn’t either.”

The moment to finally turn the tables presents itself, at long last. Rachel steps forward, towering over Max. “There are easier ways to kiss a girl, you know.”

Max freezes up, her face fully flushing. “What? Rachel, I didn’t—”

Rachel leans in, her voice a hot whisper. “I’m just saying, if a girl didn’t know any better, she’d wonder if this was all some kind of ploy to kiss her. It’s definitely better than doing that just to get her daddy’s money.” That’s probably going too far, but fuck it. She’s furious. Et tu, Brute?

“I-I…” Max stammers as her flush spreads down her neck and to the tips of her ears.

Rachel puts one knee on the bed. Her hands slide onto Max’s shoulders. “You were just focused on what you needed to do so things would work out, right?”

 “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Are you?” Max’s cuteness isn’t going to get her out of this one. “Because you didn’t need to do any of this. He’d already agreed to it, but I guess you really want to be sure, huh?”

“I…”

“I just hope it’s worth it.” This is probably crossing another line, but Max started this. She deserves a little payback. “Snooping is one thing, but you really shouldn’t have tried taking a page out of my book.”

“Girls!” James’ voice shouts up the stairs. “Dessert's ready!”

 

Notes:

This one's for the Amberfield fans

Chapter 19: Wreckage

[Chloe | 8:45pm]

at a motel in seattle

Chloe locks her phone and tosses it on to the bed, next to where Max is sitting. Her throat is raw from talking and laughing with Steph, and she’s still a little tipsy from the bottle of Jack that one of Steph’s dormmates had sold them. Steph hadn’t let her take the bottle, which was probably smart, but she really fucking wished she had. She’d also made her wait around for hours munching on peanuts and pizza until she’d gotten mostly sober. Where was the fun in that? Now she has to look at the bland off-white walls and beige bed.

Rain pounds against the windows as she shrugs off her jacket. All she can think of is how Max is handling a dinner with the Ambers. It’s stupid. She should be focusing on herself, but she can’t. She knows what James is like, and how much he hates her. 

Maybe her being out of the picture is for the best.

Maybe she shouldn’t go back at all.

Max eyes Chloe as she runs her fingers through her wet hair. It’s a pain to keep it back and out of her eyes. Chloe matches her gaze and raises an eyebrow. “You’ve been really quiet.”

“I didn’t want to distract you while you were having fun. That, and I’m just bummed that I’ll never get to meet her.”

Chloe hangs her jacket over the back of one of the crappy chairs in the room and sits down next to her hallucination. “You’re so fucking weird. You’re alive, of course you’ll get to meet her.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah?” Chloe looks at the no smoking sign and wonders just how much of a challenge it would be to disobey it without triggering the sprinklers. “I could pick up my phone and call you right now.”

“Yeah,” says Max, all quiet and raspy, “You could.”

Chloe falls back onto the bed, and her phone bounces beside her outstretched arms. “If I had a shrink, they’d probably tell me to just ignore you. That talking to you is just feeding my delusions or something.”

“Probably. They’d tell you that you invented me because of your grief over what happened.”

“So, what I’ve made an imaginary friend out of you before you lost your vision? Hella fucked up, brain.”

Max gives her a look that just shatters her heart. “They might even say that you need to deal with the grief you have about who I was before that.”

“Gee, thanks brain.” Chloe closes her eyes and wishes she had that handle of whiskey in her hand right now. “Maybe I’m just thinking clearly because I’ve had a drink, but fuck me, I don’t want to do this right now.”

“Are you going to tell me that you didn’t want to take me all across America so I could point my camera wherever I wanted?”

“I did, yeah.” She would give anything to be in a place where she can smoke. “That day was fucking perfect. You and Rachel were getting along, we were having fun, I thought the three of us were going to be best fucking friends, go on a road trip over the summer, and then get started with life in LA. Get some kinda place together, I’d work while you two went to school. For once I actually felt fucking happy, you know? Like life was going to work out for a change but...”

“But everything changed and there’s no going back.”

Chloe opens her eyes and watches imaginary tears fall down translucent cheeks. Chloe reaches out a hand to her to brush them away. Her hand passes through. She feels like an idiot. “I can’t stop feeling like I fucked up. I know I got there as fast as I could or whatever, but I can’t shake that feeling that somewhere, somehow, I made some huge fucking mistake, and you paid the price.”

“Heh, paying the price for Chloe Price.” That gets her a bitter, mangled laugh out of the fake Max. Why the fuck does she care about what her imaginary Max is feeling?

“Dork.”

“Takes one to know one.”

“What the fuck am I doing?” She wants to reach out to Max so fucking badly and just hold her, or something. Figment of her imagination or not. “Why did I reject you? What the hell was I thinking?”

“What was I doing asking you in the first place? I should have known that you weren’t in a place for that. I’m such an idiot.”

Chloe’s almost getting used to seeing Max’s face covered in blood. Almost. “What? Max, I should’ve—”

“Are you seriously going to lay there, look me in the eye, and tell me that you feel up for a serious relationship with anyone right now?” The sadness is gone, replaced by fury. It’s actually kind of scary. “If I’d asked you what I asked you the day before, would you have said yes?”

Chloe’s mouth opens and closes a few times. Her heart twists and writhes. “No. I wouldn’t have.”

“The problem was the reasons you gave. If you’d just said ‘I’m not over Rachel’ I’d have understood, but instead you had to say it like I didn’t fucking know what was good for me. You sounded like Mom, Chloe.”

“I’m such an asshole;” Chloe groans, turning to look up at the water-stained popcorn ceiling, “I can’t even reject you right.”

“It’s too bad I can’t smack you right now, because I just said—”

“You shouldn’t have asked me. I know, I know! What the fuck am I doing?”

“Something nice for yourself. Kate would be proud.”

Chloe snorts. Kate being proud of anything she’s ever done? Not likely. “I have no fucking clue how to do that.”

Max gets up and kneels over Chloe, a sad little smile on her face. “How about you do something nice for me then? I can’t go on that road trip, and I’ll never take pictures again, but you can. Take me around the country and take them for me.”

“Seriously?” Chloe raises an eyebrow. “That’s… I’d call it crazy, but clearly I’m hella nuts.”

“So hella nuts it is!” Max’s eyes light up and she claps her hands. “I hope you’re ready to go to camera nerd paradise tomorrow, because we’re not going anywhere until you have an actual camera.”

---

‘You really shouldn’t have tried taking a page out of my book.’

Rachel’s words ring in Max’s head as she sits there, listening to James and Rose picking over her photography. She’s earned this torture. She shouldn’t have gone for a kiss.

“Such a fantastic eye…” Rose trails off.

“A shame to lose such a talent,” says James, and Max can hear him nodding.

It burns.

It had been easy to set all of it aside to focus on Chloe, but right now, listening to this praise? It’s all coming back. There’s a hole in her. A sucking void in her head. No matter what she’s done, photography had always been what made her Max Caulfield.

She wants to scream. She wants them to stop. Every single comment about it makes her brain itch and her heart shrink. She can’t, of course. She has to just sit there and fucking listen to them telling her how wonderful the art she can’t even see for herself is.

It would be one thing if she could tune it out, but she needs to listen, just in case there are any questions.

“I can definitely see why you got your scholarship.” James’ voice is nails on a chalkboard. “I hope that some day you’ll be able to get your vision back.”

After what she’s done? She’s lucky to not be a vegetable. “Maybe. The doctors said that my optic nerve was damaged.”

“Have you thought about some form of cataract surgery?” He asks, and Max wishes she could see the anger on Rachel’s face. “The nerve might take time to heal, but those won’t go anywhere on their own.”

Right, of course James Amber has excellent health insurance. “It’s basically cosmetic right now, my insurance won’t cover it.”

“Ah.”

That shut you up.

“Well,” Rose chimes in, “I’m sure you’ll also be great at whatever you decide to do.”

Ah, yes. Just change mediums entirely. Because it’s that easy. Just pick up a guitar pick, or a paint brush and she'll be able to channel everything that made photography so special to her. The part of her brain that always knew the right place and moment for her lens can just flip over to anything else if she just wants it to!

"Are you doing okay, Max? You look pretty tired." Rachel's gentle voice pushes through everything.

"Yeah." So, she’s had enough. At least her voice coming out as a strained rasp isn't too out of place. "It's been a really long day."

There's movement from where she can hear Rose's voice. "I'm sorry, it's getting pretty late. I'll go get the car ready."

Max unfolds her cane as the couch shifts from Rachel moving around. There's the flicking of polaroids and the rustling of something being put into her bag. Maybe she should be more self conscious about Rachel touching her diary, but it’s not really hers. She has no idea what's been written in there, anyways. Maybe it's all boring, maybe it's the old her being hopelessly in love with Chloe, just like she's always been.

It doesn't matter now.

"Ready to go?" Rachel's hand gives her forearm a gentle squeeze.

"Yeah." Is about all she can manage. It's taking all of her mental energy not to cry as she gets up to her feet.

"Thank you for coming to dinner, Max." There's shuffling from James' chair and his voice rises above her. "I understand why Rachel decided to ask for my help, and you can count on me."

"Thank you so much, Mr. Amber."

"Uh, Dad? She can't see you reaching for a handshake."

"Oh, right. Sorry, Max. Old habits."

Max swallows as she taps at the ground with her cane and reaches out her hand in his direction. His grip is firm, but not painful. "It's okay."

"Thanks, dad. You don't know how much this means to us."

"I'm glad I could help. I'll see you next week, Rachel."

"Come on, Max." Rachel's hand gives Max's arm a gentle tug and she feels the fabric of her messenger bag strap pressed into her hand. She slings it on and follows Rachel’s directions.

It's something, at least. There's at least a hope in hell now, for whatever that's worth. At least staying at Blackwell means she has some independence. Where that goes from here... She has no idea.

Chloe's alive. Rachel's alive. Kate, Victoria, and even Nathan are here. Arcadia Bay is still here. She managed to break time to save them. She'll figure something out.

Maybe it'll hurt less by the time she has.

---

“I’m sorry again.”

The dorms are deathly quiet, almost everyone is out at a party, sleeping, or studying. Rachel had been practically vibrating after the drive home. Sure, she’s probably gone too far with showing Rose and James Max’s picture, but she’s still fucking pissed. As much as she wants to yell at Max for what she’s done, but she kind of gets it. The worst part is that she actually kind of enjoyed the kiss. “You can say sorry as many times as you want Max; you went way too far.”

“I know.” Max sniffles, wiping at her face with the sleeve of her hoodie. Rachel can already tell she’s going to break down the moment she leaves her alone. She has to fight the urge to reach out and comfort her. “I just…”

“Yeah, that’s my dad.” Rachel sighs and brushes back her hair with her free hand. “Look—”

“What did you mean by taking a page out of your book?” 

Rachel’s mouth is suddenly dry as she looks everywhere except at Max. “I… I would have done something like that. I did do things like that before I met you, and I’m not proud of it.”

Max is somehow even more pale than normal as she reaches over to grab her arm and hunches forward. A stiff breeze could knock her over.

“Sucks to touch a hot stove, huh? You could have at least asked me first, I would have gone along with it, but springing that on me? Hella fucked up.”

“I’m sorry, this won’t happen again. I think I need to be alone for a while.” Max turns and Rachel watches her tap her way over to her room. Guilt washes over her. What she’d said had been true. She probably would have done something very similar in Max’s shoes, but that doesn’t change the fact that Max kissed her without asking. How she feels about her doesn’t factor into it.

Or at least, it shouldn’t.

Max’s door closes and Rachel spins on her heel to march into her own dorm. She grabs a pillow, shoves her face into it, and screams.

Of all the fucking things Max could have done, she’d just had to go for that? Kissing her? What if Rachel had balked? She would have been screwed. Unfortunately for her, Rachel still wants her at Blackwell. And not only because she’s the reason she knows Chloe will eventually find her way back. No, it’s because she’s got a big fat stupid crush.

She picks up her phone. The nightly text from Chloe is there. Short, and to the point. Maybe that’s why she hasn’t screamed at Max yet. Her list of actual friends is really short these days, and Max still needs her help.

It just sucks that she went and complicated all of that. Maybe a few days of letting Kate and Natalie take over will really make it all stick without risking a blow up. She can just focus on planning and not talk to her until she can trust that she can keep it civil.

There’s also another aching question in her mind.

Was that kiss rebound?

Sure, it was part of a performance, but had Chloe’s rejection led to it taking shape in her head? Maybe it’s far fetched, but she can’t keep the idea from crawling up her spine and nestling in between the lobes of her brain. Max might not have been able to kiss Chloe, but she was able to kiss her ex.

It’s the kind of petty shit that Rachel or Victoria might do, but Max? Either she’s spending too much time around Rachel, or something is up, on top of a pile of shit that’s up. She’s going to have to ask her whenever she feels ready to talk to her again. Who knows, maybe she’ll even get the truth?

 

Notes:

Going to start updating this hopefully semiregularly again while I work on something that I can't wait to be allowed to share with you all!

I hope you enjoy these goobers flailing around and I can't wait to share the next couple of chapters with you!

Chapter 20: Drifting

Chloe shuffles down the single aisle of the used camera shop, trying to carefully weave between the glass display case in front of her and the piles of boxes behind her. The clerk talks amiably to another customer about something to do with getting different kinds of film in. She can hardly keep up with it over Max’s breathless rambling about the antiques behind the glass.

“Nothing with film.” She mutters under her breath. “Focus.”

Max spins around on the other side of the counter and turns up her pout to maximum. “Aww, but there’s so many great cameras here!”

“Sure, but I can’t exactly sit around waiting for it to get developed.” Chloe glances over to the register. It doesn’t seem like they heard her. “Gotta go with something digital.”

“You could go with a polaroid, that’d be fun!”

“I already gave you my dad’s camera when you got to Arcadia, and besides the film is stupidly expensive.”

“Film is so much fun, and the cameras are way cheaper!”

Chloe clenches her teeth. The film isn’t. And those lenses? The number of digits makes her head spin. She’s got a decent chunk of change saved up, but nothing like that.

“Can I help you, miss?”

Chloe looks up to see the shop keeper, a big portly guy with greying short hair and goatee waving at her as the other customer shuffles past her. “Uh, yeah.”

“Are you looking for anything specific?” He asks, his voice big and round, as he ambles along the other side of the counter. There’s a big warm smile on his face and a twinkle in his brown eyes.

All she can really do is shrug. Max at least has the decency to give her an apologetic smile. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’m kind of new to all of this.”

His smile widens and he claps his hands. “Ah! Getting started, not a problem. Any reason you decided to pick it up?”

“Yeah…” Chloe pauses and glances up at Max. “I lost my dad and my best friend, they were both super into photography, and I guess I kinda wanted to learn it for them.”

The guy nods and starts walking back toward the register. “What did they shoot with?”

“Uh, polaroids.”

“I’ve got some if you—”

“Nah, I was thinking I’d go for something digital.” Chloe’s face flushes as she reaches the end of the aisle. “I can’t really afford the film.”

The big guy nods and tabs a finger against his chin before turning around to grab some boxes from a low shelf. “Name’s Ali by the way.”

“Chloe.”

“Any subjects that interest you? Landscapes? People? Concerts?”

“Uhhh…” Chloe feels like a fucking idiot. “No idea.”

Ali laughs and picks out a couple nondescript boxes. “Okay, so total beginner then. Do you have any prior art experience.”

“I draw a lot, yeah. Some tagging too.”

“Street photography maybe?” Ali scratches at his chin before setting the boxes and opening them up on the counter. “Alright, I have got some basic camera bodies for you. Nikon, Canon, and Sony. Just pick them up and give them a feel. They’re not all that different for a beginner, it’s just all about what feels good in your hands.”

“What was it William said?” Max grins. “The tools don’t make the carpenter?”

“I’m sure there’s a whole shitload of differences between them.” Chloe eyes the cameras as Ali pulls each one out of their boxes. Her palms start sweating at the idea of dropping one.

“Oh yes.” Ali waves a hand in the air as he pulls the last of the cameras out before snapping on lenses. “I could talk your ear off for hours about lenses, colour correction, and image processing, but those don’t matter as much as a camera that feels good in your hands.”

Chloe takes a deep breath as she picks up the first camera. Her fingers wrap around the grip and hold the bottom. Thumbs and fingers find dials and buttons. “They’re heavier than I was expecting.”

“Good glass weighs a lot.”

Chloe lifts it up and looks at the back. A bunch of arcane buttons and dials surrounding a blank screen stare back. Her lips are dry. This thing has to be fucking expensive. She looks up at Max, who is beaming under all the blood. Right. It’s just a camera. Point, shoot. Just take the shot or something like that. She brings the viewfinder up to her eye. “How do I make this focus?”

“If it had batteries in it, you could just use the autofocus, but you can set the lens to manual by flicking the switch on the side. More expensive or newer lenses will let you just turn the ring to override it.”

Her fumbling fingers move around the camera as she tilts it in her hand to find the switch before fixing her fingers around the dial and looking back through it. She points the center right at Max, even if she’s not there. Max smiles awkwardly and waves back.

“How does it feel?”

“Dunno yet. Good, I think.”

“No rush, just take your time. It’s important to find what works for you.”

---

 

“I can’t believe I just spent that much money.”

“I know! That was a crazy good deal.”

Chloe boggles at her hallucination of Max while her camera dangles from its strap around her neck. “I’m going to regret getting into this, aren’t I?”

“Maybe if you ask Victoria will help you out, if you ask really nicely.”

“Ugh, don’t make me gag.”

Max laughs and Chloe’s nerves settle. It’s nice to hear, even if it’s all in her head. “So, eager to get started?”

“Maybe?” Chloe sighs and rubs the back of her neck. “I feel like I should read the manual first. What does the number after the f mean, how hard I should go fuck myself? Because after what I just paid, I feel like it should come with a complimentary bean flick or three.”

“It’s fine! I can teach you.” Max moves ahead of her, pouting with big puppy dog eyes.

“Yeah,” scoffs Chloe, “Because letting a figment of my imagination teach me how to use the fucking expensive camera I just got is a great idea.”

Max throws up her arms. “I thought that was the whole point!”

Chloe huffs as her eyes scan around the park around her. A huge pond stretches out beside her, with some cute ducks paddling around in it. None of it really speaks to her. The important part is that nobody is within earshot to hear her arguing with herself. “If I don’t know it, there’s no way that you can, so…”

“The F is for F stop. The smaller the number, the smaller the focal point and the bigger the aperture and the area in focus will be.” Max grins as Chloe’s pulse spikes. “It’s part of the exposure triangle. ISO is how sensitive the film, or sensor, is to light. The higher the number, the better it’ll perform in the dark, but you’ll get a grainier picture. Then there’s the shutter speed. The faster the shutter speed, the lower the motion blur will be. If you change one setting, you’ll need to change the others to compensate to get the level of exposure you want.”

“Stop! Fuck.” Chloe rubs her temples and closes her eyes. Her head is spinning. “How the fuck do I know any of this? Like yeah, I’m pretty sure Dad explained it to you a couple of times, and I’ve heard you and Natalie talking about it, but this?”

“Maybe you remembered more than you expected.” Max’s cocky grin hasn’t gone anywhere. It’d be cute if it wasn’t for the blood.

Chloe’s throat tightens. She doesn’t really want to consider the alternative. “Yeah, sure.”

“You’ve got a battery and an empty memory card, why not just figure it out as you go?”

“I always did figure things out the hard way,” sighs Chloe as her hands numbly fumble over the camera’s controls, “Not here though. This is too… nice.”

“And where can we find a junkyard at this time of day?”

Chloe laughs as she gets up to her feet and starts walking. “I know exactly where to go.”

---

 

Cars roll past as Chloe stalks along the city streets, her eyes scanning for anything interesting down alleyways, on the ground, or on utility poles. It would help if she knew what she was looking for. Graffiti and trash, sure. But beyond that…

“How the hell does she do this?” Chloe mutters to herself as a poster for a missing cat catches her eye. A single tear away phone number flutters on the breeze as a waterlogged image of a ginger tabby stares back at her.

“It takes practice.” Her hallucination whispers on the breeze as Chloe brings her camera up to her eye. “Just feel it out. Think about slicing your view into thirds.”

“Right, yeah. Rule of thirds. Dad talked about that.” Chloe’s fingers slide over dials, trying to remember how to tune the f number. Lower means shallower, or something like that. Does she want just the cat to be solid and the world to be fuzzy?

“What about this catches your eye?”

“How fucking sad it is. I mean, it’s a lost cat in the middle of a city that’s been up so long that it’s soaked. The ink is bleeding on it and everything.” Chloe glances up from the viewfinder and taps her finger on the side of the camera lens. “I’m just not sure how to make it look okay.”

Her imaginary Max hums, tapping her blood-streaked chin. “It’s… kinda like the opposite of drawing. You’re not adding things to finish a piece, you’re trying to take them away until you only have what you want.”

Chloe grinds her teeth together and looks back through the lens. Her head hurts. She wants to be drunk, but she has to drive later. “So, if I want this to be sad, I probably want to make it lonely. Sounds about right.”

The world falls away as she looks back through the glass and fiddles with the controls a little more. She leans from side to side, trying to find the best angle. Eventually she decides to get up on her tip toes. She presses the button and the shutter snaps.

Her hands tremble as she pulls her face back and mashes the gallery button. It’s dumb. She can take just about as many pictures as she wants. But she still wants this to be good.

Since when does she care?

The picture flashes up on the screen. The fading poster and sun-bleached pole are sharp and crisp, slightly off center to the right as the blurry sidewalk, buildings, and indistinct blobs of people fill up the background.

A breath finally leaves her body as she stares at the grid of pixels. Lonely. Sad. Right.

“That’s great!” Max’s voice fills her hearing. Something dangerously close to satisfaction fills her chest. “Your eye for composition from drawing is already giving you a leg up.”

“Thanks,” Chloe mutters as she starts walking again, her eyes roving, desperate for anything to look at that isn’t a figment of her imagination. “I’ve got a good teacher.”

---

 

Chloe's truck rumbles as she sits in the parking lot. Her new camera lays next to her on the bench seat, lashed to a seatbelt by the strap. On the other side of the cab is bloody Maxie, with a giant grin on her face.

A cigarette smolders between her lips as she tries to keep her eyes forward. None of them have ever lasted this long. A few hours maybe, when she was really bad, but Max has been here for days now. And the real Max is still alive. None of it makes sense, unless the past couple weeks have totally pushed her past the brink.

Her stomach gurgles. Her legs ache.

"Figured out where we're going?" Max asks. Her suddenly chipper attitude makes Chloe's brain itch.

"Still thinking," mutters Chloe, "Just not Cali."

"Cali is Rachel's."

Fuck. Chloe's teeth clench as she drums her thumbs against the steering wheel. "Do you really have to say it like that?"

Max raises an eyebrow at Chloe. "That was always the plan."

"Yeah, the old plan. Y’know, before she cheated on me."

"Doesn't mean you don't still care about her."

"I do, I just...” Chole grinds her teeth together and closes her eyes. “Why am I arguing with you? You already know this."

"So where to?"

Chloe tilts her head back and stares at the ceiling. “I’ll tell you if you tell me something.”

“What’s that?” Max shifts closer, turning to fully face Chloe and putting her intangible feet up on the seat.

I’m probably making this worse by asking but fuck it. “How come I’m still seeing you? You should have vanished by now.”

Max’s bloody face pulls back into a grimace, and she looks away while hugging her knees. “If I knew, I couldn't tell you.”

“Maybe this is just the last nail in the fucking coffin and I’ve gone totally psychotic. I fucked up, broke Max’s heart and this is my brain or fucking karma punishing me.”

“Is that what I am? A punishment?”

Chloe’s heart cracks down the middle. “I… No. You’re not. I’m just… I dunno, the blood always makes me think of that day. You’re not, but maybe that is?”

“Or maybe it’s the last moment where I was the Max you knew.”

A sigh slides around her rapidly dwindling cigarette. She takes a drag before rolling the filter between her fingers and staring at the cherry. “Maybe. Max has been hella different, but I figure going blind would do that to just about anyone.”

“Yeah,” Max’s voice gets all quiet, “It would.”

It takes all of Chloe’s self control to not try and hug her imaginary friend. “Pick where we’re going.”

“What?” At least that gets Max to perk up a bit. “Why me? You’re the one driving.”

“You’re the one who knows anything about photography. You tell me where to go to take some good pictures.”

“Are you cereal?” Max’s eyes are practically bugging out of her head.

Somehow laughter fills Chloe’s chest. “Yup, there’s the old Max! I’m hella cereal, where do you want to go?”

“The Grand Canyon, duh! Oh, the landscapes you could take…”

“Or some snapshots of tourists being morons.” Chloe snickers as she stubs out her cigarette and flicks the butt out the window. Her hand grabs the shifter and tugs it into reverse. “That settles it. Grand Canyon, here we come!”

 

Notes:

I hope you liked this solo Chloe and imaginary Max chapter, because there's gonna be more of them to come!

Chapter 21: End of the Line

Rachel can't remember being this angry with anyone other than James before.

Sure, Max had been putting on a performance, but there are still lines you don’t cross in improv. Kissing someone without permission is definitely one of them.

That doesn’t help Rachel wipe away the feeling of Max’s lips against her own. The feeling refuses to go away. It would be easier if she hadn’t already wanted to kiss her. Where the fuck does Max get the audacity to do this to her? A personality shift from a brain injury doesn’t even begin to describe what’s going on.

Her head won’t stop spinning. Max never knew that side of her, so how is she emulating it? None of it adds up. Again. It’s like she’s a pod person.

“Rachel?”

“Yeah?” Rachel blinks and looks up to see Natalie’s raised eyebrow. “Sorry, can you repeat that?”

Everyone at the table shares a look before Dana speaks, “I asked you what you thought of going with Braxx or DJ Ry Ry.”

Rachel shakes her head and waves a hand in the air. “I trust you on this.”

Natalie politely coughs and her other eyebrow rises to join the first. “We need you to be the tie breaker.”

Shit. “Just flip a coin then.”

Victoria sneers at her from the far end of the table. “If you’re not going to take this seriously, why should we? This is your meeting and your party.”

“I’m just exhausted from my dad’s bullshit, but I got the money. But I really don’t have any opinion on them, I haven’t heard of either of them.”

Dana taps her pen against the paper pad in front of her. “It’s last minute, none of our usuals are available so we’re kinda stuck with some no-names. And some videos of sets.”

“They both suck ass.” Natalie leans back in chair and folds her arms. “Ry Ry is probably the closest we’re going to get to someone good.”

The whole table erupts in bickering as Natalie mouths ‘are you okay’ to her. Rachel can only shake her head.

She’s not even close to okay.

Rachel digs deep into her theatre training to project over all the shouting. “They all suck! We’re just picking the one who sucks the least. We don’t exactly live in Portland so we’re taking whoever we can get. Ry Ry is fine. We’ll take any of the others if we must. Let’s just move on, okay?”

“We’re going to need some kind of speech from Max,” says Taylor, “Just to make sure we get enough donations.”

Hayden nods. “Yeah, make sure people know what this is about. They’ll ignore a shitty DJ because they’re pissed that Max is getting kicked out for going blind.”

“Yeah, but it’s Max,” says Dana with a grimace, “I don’t think we’ll be able to convince her to get up on a stage in front of that many people.”

All eyes turn to Rachel. She wants to scream. Instead, she looks at Natalie. “Can you ask her after this, Nate? I have hella homework to get through.”

Natalie’s eyebrows jump up. Everyone glances at each other. “Uh yeah, sure.”

Victoria’s eyes are twin Death Stars aimed directly at Rachel’s face. “I swear if you two are fighting right after the Chloe shit, I am going to lose it.”

“Take it up with Max.” Rachel stares at her cuticles. “I just don’t really feel like talking to her right now.”

“Damn, that’s cold,” says Hayden, sitting up, “What’d she do?”

“I’m not talking about it.” Rachel shrugs. “Let’s talk about how we’re going to get any kind of food.”

---

 

If there’s a record for the biggest fuckup on the planet, Max is at least on the short list. How could she not notice that she’d been starting to copy Rachel? Of course, spending all her waking hours piggybacking in someone else’s memories was going to have consequences, literally all of her actions have those. But no, she just had to run away from all her shitty feelings!

Is fixing this even possible, or has she burned all her bridges with them? She’s so off script and so wildly out of character that it barely seems possible to recover.

Is it right of her to even try? She’s the one meddling and interfering. It’s obvious that the way this was supposed to go was Rachel and Chloe getting back together with her being their wing woman. Max had at least managed to help them hook up again by being in the hospital. She might not have had a relationship with Chloe that lasted more than three days, but she knows just how much sex means to her.

Unfortunately, Max is such a selfish idiot that she hasn't been able to play her part. Chloe’s gone. Rachel didn’t knock on her door this morning and she hasn’t texted. The only person she’s spoken to at all is Kate, and that was just a quick check in. There’s one contact on her phone she doesn’t know, someone called Natalie, but they haven’t texted since she got into this timeline, and she has no idea who that might be. Probably someone from Seattle. It doesn’t matter. Max hasn’t bothered to check the messages and it’s been weeks. Whoever this is hasn’t reached out, so Max mustn’t be all that important.

Maybe she should have tried to start something with Victoria, or Kate. Both would have been difficult in their own ways. Starting anything with Kate could take ages without her rewind and literally saving her from jumping off a building, and there’s no guarantee that they’d end up going to the same college anyways. Victoria, on the other hand? Getting the former queen bee into her bed was never the hard part; that’s everything that would come after. The secrecy, the late-night trysts, and in this timeline the questions from Rachel, Chloe, and Kate as they inevitably figured it out.

Still, at least they’d still be in her life. Definitely if she tried to pursue Kate. Maybe if she tried anything with Victoria. Maybe she could have tried with Dana, but she doesn’t know if she’s dating Justin or Trevor in this timeline. It’s not like it’d be hard for her to find the answers she’s looking for…

Nope. Not doing that. I’ve already made enough of a mess.

Max sighs and curls her fingers around the neck of her guitar. She can’t quite muster up the strength to lift it. What would she even play? Rejection music? Talk about melodramatic.

It’s probably for the best if she just tells Kate to call off the whole fundraiser thing. Max will find her own way to escape her parents again. It’ll probably involve some stupid boring job to waste her life at and just forget about everything. The last thing Rachel and Chloe need is her causing any more problems. Everyone’s alive. Jefferson can’t hurt anyone. All she’s doing is fucking up.

At least she got to kiss Rachel, once. Her skin was so impossibly soft, yet her lips had been firm. Rachel had kissed her back too. Max's face burns as she imagined the kiss she might have gotten if she'd just asked permission. Her heart skips a beat. Wait. When did she start feeling this way about Rachel?

"Oh crap." Max holds her head. Saving Chloe only to end up with a crush on Rachel. It's hilarious, in a cosmic sort of way.

There's a knock on the door. "Hey Max, got a minute?"

Max's blood flash freezes. It takes all her willpower to keep her tone steady. What the fuck does Nathan want? "Yeah, what's up?"

The door clicks open and gently closes.

"It’s just me. I have some questions about the party, but, uh, I also wanted to talk? Did I do something wrong? You've been avoiding me."

Max’s throat tightens. Alone in her dorm with Nathan. Just what she needed. "I'm sorry, it's just been a lot for me to deal with. I haven't been trying to ignore you or anything."

Footsteps come closer and Max wonders if she’d be able to hit him hard enough to cause real damage with her guitar. "I just figured that after I got you that keyboard you would have texted me once or twice too or something. I know you can't exactly look at my work anymore but that doesn't mean we have to stop being friends. I can't read braille like Kate, but that doesn't mean I can't help in ways outside of money. I just want to help you like you helped me."

Max is glad that she doesn't have to try and make eye contact while she tries to untangle whatever the fuck Nathan is talking about. It's taking a lot of restraint not to try and swing at him with her guitar. "Thanks, I really appreciated that, and you're right. I should have texted you. I meant too, but everything has just kind of been a blur and after I screwed everything up with Chloe..."

A weight joins her on the couch. She can sense a hand hovering near her shoulder. She has to force herself to not push him away. "I'm sorry about that. I don't know what the hell she was thinking... Rachel told me a lot."

Gee, thanks Rachel. Please, talk about my problems with your fucking murderer. "I wish I knew Nathan—"

There's a sharp intake of breath and a sudden shift of weight away from her. “Why did you call me that? I told you, we’re alone."

The hairs on the back of Max's neck stand on end. "I-I’m sorry, I…"

"What the fuck, Max?" There's genuine hurt to Nathan's voice. Almost like he's on the verge of tears. "You don't talk to me for weeks and then you use that name? What did I do to deserve this?"

"Nothing, I just—"

" Fuck you! Rachel can do this herself."

The weight gets off the couch. Her door handle snaps open. The door slams shut. Max grabs at her couch as her body thaws and her heart races. "What the fuck just happened?"

---

 

Rachel purses her lips as she stares at her reflection. Sending Natalie to talk to Max instead of her had been petty, but it’s still better than having to face her again. The last thing she wants right now is to fight the urge to kiss Max. It’d be the easy way to take the upper hand and show her just who she’s trying to mess with. The last thing any of them need right now is more complications. If Max is going to be here, she needs to stay friends with her, and for that she needs to be able to look her in the eye and think of anything other than making out with her. Or fucking her brains out.

It would be so easy too, a little lift of that cute chin with a finger and those lips would be hers for the taking. Turn about is fair play, right?

Rachel’s fingers dig into her temples. She bites her lip and tries to drag her mind away from that image to party planning or classes. She’s no Sisyphus, she barely even gets the boulder moving before her chest is fluttering with butterflies as she imagines Max’s lips parting just so, waiting for her.

Wait, does Max want her? Sure, she’d been putting on a performance for James, but everything comes from somewhere. She could have skated by with her woe is me story just fine.

No, she’s imagining this. Trying to soften the blow. That must be it. There’s no other explanation that makes sense.

Her door slams open. Rachel spins. Natalie shuts it behind her and leans against the door, tears in her eyes. Blood boils. “What happened?”

“Max, she…” Natalie shakes her head and wipes at her face with her forearm. “It’s like she hates me. I tried to talk to her, and she was all stiff and weird, but then she called me that name.”

“She did what?” Hisses Rachel as she springs up to her feet and gives Natalie a big hug.

It takes a moment for Natalie to return the hug. “I told her that we were alone in her room, there was no reason for her to use it. I don’t understand, what did I do?”

Rachel’s fingers dig into the fabric of Natalie’s shirt. “You didn’t do anything. Max has been acting super weird ever since her seizure. She even decided that we should pretend to be dating when we went to see Rose and James.”

The hug breaks apart and Natalie puts a hand on her arm. “What? That’s fucked up. Are you okay?”

“I honestly don’t know.” Rachel sighs and rubs her temples. “She even kissed me in front of them. What was I going to do? Push her off?”

“What the hell? Why aren’t you tearing her apart?”

“I… Because I liked it, okay?” Rachel hugs herself. “Sure, I’m mad as hell, but I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“That doesn’t mean it was okay.”

“None of what she’s been doing is okay.” Rachel takes a deep breath. There’s no getting away from this now. “It’s like she was replaced with an entirely different Max after the seizure, and I’m tired of pretending that I’m not seeing what’s right in front of me.”

Natalie’s eyes go wide. “What, like she’s some kind of imposter Max? That’s crazy.”

“Everything about this is crazy. There’s only one person here who knows what’s really going on, and I’m going to go get some fucking answers.” Rachel breezes past Natalie and storms over to the door to Max’s room.

Throwing the door open, she finds Max sitting on her couch, her face aiming toward the door with a stunned expression. Her feet carry her forward as the door slams shut behind her. She grabs the collar of Max’s shirt with both hands and hauls her to her feet. “Who are you, and what the fuck have you done with Max?”

Max blinks once. Twice. Her lips twitch out a quick smile. “What do you mean?”

“The Max I knew wouldn’t deadname Natalie,” Rachel snarls, “she wouldn’t have made a move on Chloe, and she definitely wouldn’t have done whatever the fuck you call last night! Something happened to you Max, and it wasn’t just a seizure. I want the fucking truth, right now!”

A beat drags out between them, a moment of silence that opens into a yawning chasm. Max spasms, like she has a hiccup. Those pale lips twitch and curl up into a smile. Rachel’s hands grip harder as Max starts laughing.

“What the hell?” Rachel can only hold on as Max starts to double over and clutch at her own sides.

Tears stream down Max’s face as she wheezes. She starts fucking clapping. “What a relief. I should have guessed that you’d be the one to figure it out.”

The only thing tethering Rachel to any kind of reality is her grip on Max’s shirt. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Clouded eyes fix on her. Max holds her hands up in mock surrender, with a big idiot grin plastered on her face. “You’ve got me. I’m not the same Max.”

Rachel shakes her head, tightening her fists. “You’re fucking with me! You have to be! That’s not true! That’s impossible!”

“Search your feelings,” Max’s grin widens, “You know it’s true.”

“No. No! Bullshit! How could you be a different Max? How?!”

The grin dies away, replaced by a hollow stare that turns Rachel’s blood to ice. “Let me tell you the story of the week that never happened.”

 

Notes:

The truth is finally revealed!

I hate to leave you all on a cliffhanger, but I'm going to be disappearing again for a while. I've got a publishing deal for a book and I'm not going to have time to regularly post fanfic while I'm doing that. Watch this space and follow me on tumblr and bluesky for more information!