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“Mark it. 7:53PM, Friday night, October. Joe Al-Kaysani abandons love,” he announces, jamming a pillow over his face.
It would be nice to scream into it, but he honestly isn’t sure he has the energy. The best he can do is lie on Nile’s couch like the loveless lump that he is, letting the cushion slide lethargically off his face.
It allows Nile to appear in his vision, sipping her tea with an unimpressed look on her face. “What happened this time?” she asks, nudging at Joe’s legs to get him to move.
“Yet another Grindr match blocked me the moment we started talking about anything other than our dicks,” Joe says, sitting up and letting out a long exhalation. “Tinder’s not much better,” he mutters. His dating record with women is basically like a desert with the occasional drop of water – which means he doesn’t give up completely, even though he’s starting to think they might not be for him. Still, those few times have almost felt like something could happen, which is why he’s kept that door open, even if only by an inch.
No matter the app, Joe’s been trying and trying and trying, but either the person isn’t his type or the moment they start having a real conversation, they fall out of sync.
“Instead of declaring your love life dead, what if I helped get you off those apps?” She swats at his hip as she makes room on the couch to sit. “I know a ton of people through work and mutual friends, let me set you up with some of them! You can take them to that really cute little bistro on Seventh.” She’s already appealing to his romantic side, but what really knocks it over the edge is when Nile leans right into his vision and pummels him with the puppy-dog eyes. “Please, Joe? Pleaaaaase?”
How can he say no to that?
Logic says he should. Sense definitely says he should. Since when has a blind date ever worked out?
Yet, it’s Nile. For her, Joe would do anything. “Fine,” he concedes. “You can set me up on some blind dates, but if they end up being just as bad as the apps, then we’re revisiting my proclamation on love being dead.”
Nile tackles him with a one-armed hug, cautious to preserve her tea as she pins him back to the couch and peppers his cheeks with kisses. “I swear, you’re not gonna regret this!”
Those sound like famous last words.
If only Joe knew just how life-changing Nile’s machinations would end up being, he would … well, he wouldn’t do anything at all, but he might have told his past self to sit back and just enjoy the ride.
His first date is someone Nile couldn’t stop raving about. Celeste is kind, funny, intelligent, and beautiful. The trouble is that Joe can’t shake the feeling that something between them isn’t clicking.
“...which is why I’ve learned better than to welcome random owls onto my arm,” Celeste ends her story about her time at the volunteer clinic for animals, which is her main spot when she’s not working at the pharmacy. Add onto that list of flawless traits that she’s also good-hearted, and the question becomes how does Joe not want to date her?
Easy. For all that Joe is trying to make it work, he doesn’t get the sense that Celeste is that happy to be here. He’s really hoping that it’s not him or this whole project is off to a bad start.
“It sounds very rewarding,” he admits. “Celeste, I have to ask. Why did you come here tonight? I’m getting the feeling that it’s the last place you want to be”
Joe can’t possibly date this woman not only because he’s not feeling anything, but because she’s lovely and beautiful and Nile has been singing her praises for months.
To anyone else, one might think that they’re just looking out for a friend. Joe can tell that it’s about more than that. Nile is trying her very best to set Joe up with the very best she knows and so she’s sent the woman she’s possibly in love with.
That’s why Joe can’t date her.
Celeste flushes, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Oh,” she says, flustered. “Well, I…” It takes her a moment before she leans forward, as if ready to confess a secret. “I don’t know if I can say no to Nile for anything, even if she wound up asking me out on someone else’s behalf and not for herself.”
“A forgivable mistake, I hope?”
“If she wanted to ask me out, I think she would have done it, no?”
It’s all very logical and sweet for Celeste to think that. “We foolish infatuated mortals sometimes can’t see what’s right in front of our face.” He reaches over to squeeze her hand. “You don’t have to stay. I’ll pay for the drinks, and I’ll talk to NIle.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to abandon you just because it didn’t work out. We’ve only been here for one drink.”
It really is a shame that if he dated her, he’d probably break Nile’s heart. She really is truly good-hearted.
“All the better to nurse my ego sooner.” Joe reaches over the table to squeeze her hand. “I appreciate that you did come. It’s one thing to figure out that things aren’t working after an hour, but being stood up would have been much worse.”
“I’d never.”
No, she wouldn’t. It’s why she’s so good.
“I’ll call Nile,” Joe says.
“You’re not going to tell her about my crush, are you?”
Joe shakes his head, not even having thought of that. “No, but I don’t think it’s the worst idea. Someone should bring it up.” He gives Celeste a pointed look that even astronauts in space would be able to read. “Surely this night can’t be for absolutely nothing, not if the two of you can figure things out. She likes you, Celeste. She sings your praises constantly, so much so that I’m here, aren’t I?”
Celeste doesn’t look certain, but there’s a hopeful smile playing on her lips. “Maybe,” she admits, tucking her purse under her arm. “You’re sure you’re okay if I go?”
“I’ll settle up and be on my way not long after you.”
Celeste bends down to press a kiss to his cheek. “If I weren’t already head over heels, I’d want to be with someone like you.”
Joe appreciates the sentiment, even if he’s struggling to find a quality person who isn’t entangled romantically to think the same. He slumps back in his chair once Celeste is out of the restaurant.
That also happens to be the exact moment that the waiter arrives with a full glass of wine.
“...I didn’t get the wrong table, did I?”
The glass of wine is timely, even if he’d absolutely forgotten that he’d put in the order for it while Celeste had been in the middle of yet another story about her and Nile’s adventures. He shifts to get out his wallet, ready with a whole explanation about needing the bill and not the wine when he glances up and stops short when he sees the waiter.
“You’re not the woman who sat us.”
“Anna? No, she’s on her break,” says the Italian god holding a beautiful glass of Malbec. “Don’t worry, she’ll be back soon, you won’t have to look at me any more,” he insists, setting the glass down.
“Why are you taunting me with a bad time?”
The waiter flushes, clearing his throat as he glances towards the door. It has the unfortunate (or fortunate, really) result of giving Joe a view of a profile that he’ll be itching to sketch later, not to mention a look at a very prominent mole and a glance at the messy half-bun the man’s hair is knotted up in.
Joe curses under his breath, annoyed that he’s transferring all his pent-up desires on some poor waiter that had the bad luck to stumble onto him right after he’d been run away from.
“Was the date that bad?”
“She got backed into a corner and didn’t want to say no,” Joe admits, pulling the wine towards him. “Thanks for this. I know it wasn’t her rejecting me because I’m me, but it stings, nonetheless.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, she left very naturally. I don’t think anyone knows she left because of you.”
“Thanks,” Joe deadpans. “Listen, can you bring the bill? Right now, it probably looks like she’s just in the washroom, but people definitely saw us come in together and sitting alone in a restaurant, albeit my favourite one, isn’t really topping my list of fun hobbies.”
“Your favourite restaurant?” the waiter echoes. “Does that mean I’ll get to see more of you?”
“My best friend is on a mission to get me matched up,” Joe deadpans, not even realizing that those words might come across as flirtation. “So, maybe?” He’s still fiddling with his phone while he talks, trying to get a Lyft arranged to pick him up.
“Right. Of course. I’ll get your bill.”
It’s not the man who returns, but Anna who comes back five minutes later. Joe tamps down his disappointment that he only gets to catch glimpses of the waiter across the restaurant and they won’t get to talk again. He also tries to walk back to their conversation, wondering if he’d sent Anna because of something Joe had said. Had he been rude? Maybe he’d done something wrong?
That disappointment vanishes when he opens the bill to find one glass of wine missing from the charges and a handwritten note on the top right:
don’t worry about the second glass of wine. on the house, courtesy of someone who’s been on one too many bad dates
~ Nicky
The seed of something Joe hadn’t known was within him blossoms in his chest. Appreciation, maybe, or gratitude that his bad date hadn’t gone worse. This could have crashed and burned in worse ways than the mild fender-bender romance he’s encountered tonight, and a comped glass of wine from a cute waiter is the kind of balm his wounds could use.
That warmth buoys him all the way home, at which point he waits a whole two minutes before calling Nile.
She doesn’t even bother with pleasantries. “Well? How did it go?”
Joe shifts the phone so he can put it on speaker. “You were right. She’s lovely and kind and thoughtful and has bewitching eyes.”
There’s a pause, almost like Nile is taken aback by it going well. Joe can’t help his smug grin, glad they’re not Facetiming so she can’t see just how pleased he is about being right. “So, you’re going to see her again?”
“I don’t really know. We didn’t exactly connect.”
“What? Joe, come on, how?”
“It might have to do somewhat with the part where she’s already interested in someone else.” He doesn’t want to lead Nile on for a second, so he puts her out of her misery instantly. He knows he promised Celeste he wouldn’t give away all her cards, but he thinks putting one on the table is fair. “Nile, she said yes because she thought you were asking her out. So, you should do that. As soon as possible so she doesn’t get more mixed signals.”
“What?” Nile’s laugh is strangled. “Celeste? Me? What are you saying? What – what are you – what kind of person would – what, what...”
Shit. He’s broken her, and he hadn’t even mentioned the part where Celeste is clearly stupid over Nile, too. Maybe it’d been a good idea to keep that one up his sleeve.
“Nile,” Joe interrupts gently, hoping it’s not too late. It gets her to stop, which means it’s done the trick.
There’s a long silence on the phone. “Shit. Was she mad?”
“Disappointed, I think,” Joe admits. “She really is a great woman, Nile.”
“Joe, I’m sorry. I really was trying to think of the best person for you, I didn’t mean to send you the best person for me.”
“It’s all right, really. It wasn’t a completely awful night,” Joe insists, his heart thumping hard in his chest as he thinks about their replacement waiter and the crooked smile he’d given Joe when he caught Joe’s eye across the restaurant as he’d been leaving.
“Oh?”
“Like I said, Celeste is lovely and I got the opportunity to get to know her,” Joe says, keeping his handsome waiter to himself for now – a small treat for him that he doesn’t have to share. “When you finally come to your senses and ask her out, tonight will have been an excellent first assessment of my best friend’s girlfriend.”
“Oh my god, Joe, stop,” Nile groans, but he can hear the smile in her words.
It will all work out, even if Joe didn’t get lucky tonight.
“I’m not giving up on you,” she warns. “I’ll find someone, I will.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything else.”
Tonight, Joe is going on a blind date with William Keane.
“From what the guys down in security tell me, he’s the strong silent type, but he’s been looking for a new boyfriend. I’m here for you if you need the escape call.”
He’s listening to Nile’s message again to get a general sense of what Keane looks like, nervously trying not to look around the restaurant and see who’s working tonight (mainly because he’s hoping he isn’t going to become the kind of guy who gets a reputation for bad dates).
Nile goes on in the message. “He’s handsome, a little taller than you. From what I hear, maybe he's a little dude-bro, but maybe he won’t be the worst version of that guy in existence?”
One hour later and Joe is revisiting that last point of Nile’s, because he’s not entirely sure that Keane isn’t the worst dudebro in the world.
The entire date is going worse than Joe feared. Somehow, Keane is both too opinionated and also seeking out Joe to take the lead, which makes for an awkward night. He sags back in the booth when Keane heads for the bathroom (for the fourth time, which means he’s definitely sniffing something).
“I came to refill your wine.”
Joe sits up suddenly, giving Nicky a pathetically earnest sympathetic smile. “I don’t know how to feel that you could tell it was that bad from across the restaurant.”
“He’s a very aggressive conversationalist,” says Nicky with the calm measure of a man who’s had to deliver worse news than that before. “You also have a little…” He shrugs, apologetically, and taps Joe’s brow lightly. “This gets a little upset, that’s all.”
The soft touch knocks Joe back so fiercely that for a moment, he wonders if he’d actually swayed in his seat, but Nicky doesn’t seem unnerved, so he must be behaving normally.
“Whatever it is, I needed this, so thank you,” Joe says, aware that if he wants to avoid a reputation for being a bad date, he shouldn’t knock back half the wine at once, but it is that kind of night.
He needs to get out of here and while Nile is a promising exit, he also doesn’t want to call her because it will mean she knows he’s failed twice in a row. This time really isn’t his fault, but at the same time, it still feels like failure.
There’s another option, though. It feels a bit aggressive, but Joe’s desperate.
“Listen,” Joe says, sliding his fingers over Nicky’s wrist and holding lightly as he turns to leave. “Do you want to help me out? With more than just the liquor to bear the force of his bad personality?”
Nicky looks wary. Joe can’t blame him. Some random customer begging for help while his date is in the bathroom getting coked up probably doesn’t fit in his job description. “What kind of help?”
“Pretend to be my boyfriend,” he pleads. “I promise I will tip you better than you have ever seen before, but I need this guy gone.”
Nicky shifts the bottle of wine to the other hand. “Your first date runs away on you and you’re asking for my help to trick the second. Where do you find these people?”
“The road to hell,” Joe deadpans.
“Good intentions, then?”
“That, or my best friend is punishing me for something I don’t know I did.” He lets out a pained and desperate laugh. “Please?”
Nicky shifts the bottle of wine in his hands, nodding towards the restroom to give Joe a heads up that Keane’s on his way back. “Save the tip,” he advises. “Just promise me that whoever it is you go on a date with next won’t destroy our men’s room in a coke-fueled rage,” he deadpans, then seems to think better of it. “Also, a normal amount of tip.”
Does this mean Nicky’s going to play along? He doesn’t get a chance to ask because Nicky gracefully steps away about five seconds before Keane slaps both hands on the table as he sits.
He’s frenetic, keyed up, and there’s a little dusting under his nose that Joe knows isn’t from the powdered sugar of any dessert.
“Good break?” he asks warily.
“You should have come,” Keane replies with a wink. “We could have had some fun.”
Joe is almost scared to ask what Keane’s version of fun is. From the way he’s leering and sizing Joe up, he has to think it’s somewhat acrobatic and will leave him with more bruises than he’d ever be okay with.
How does he even answer that? How does anyone?
Luckily, he doesn't have to.
“Yusuf Al-Kaysani.”
The icy tone startles Joe, not only because – how did Nicky figure out his full name before he remembers the credit card he’d paid with last time, and the name under the reservation – but how is he so convincing with the icy anger, and…
“What the fuck do you want?” Keane snaps.
“I wanted to know why my boyfriend is sitting here at a table on a date with someone else. I thought we were just taking a break.”
Joe has to hand it to Nicky. He’s really selling the betrayed hurt. If nothing else, maybe they can make enough of a scene that Keane freaks out about all the emotions on display. “I wasn’t the one who wanted the break. You were the one who was hesitating about wanting to be more serious, so I figured I’d let Nile set me up.”
That seems to shock Keane. “Wait. You want something serious?”
The mental bells ringing in Joe’s head sound like victory. “Of course I do,” he says earnestly, reaching for Keane’s hand, knowing full-well now that he’d just wanted a casual hookup. “I thought Nile would have told you that I’m a monogamist.”
If a person could have alarm bells for eyes, Keane’s would be going off like klaxons right about now. Joe plays it to the hilt, batting his lashes sweetly at him as he leans across the table.
“Maybe you could be that person for me?”
It’s exactly the right amount. Keane yanks his hand away from even the slightest proximity of Joe’s, almost falling out of his chair in his haste to stand.
“I think I left my hair in the oven.”
Nicky stares at him unflinchingly. “You don’t want that to burn,” he replies, as if anything Keane said actually made sense.
It’s almost comical how quickly Keane is out of there, but it doesn’t matter what pushed him to go. The important part is that he’s gone.
“That was good, your act,” Nicky praises, once Keane has officially run for the hills (notably leaving no money for the date, so that’s two for two that Joe is covering both parties for unless Nicky decides to be generous again tonight).
Even though the praise makes him feel alive and delighted, Joe makes sure to act nonchalant, shrugging like it’s nothing when it’s made his day. “It wasn’t all an act. I meant some of it, like the part where I’m looking for something serial and that I am a one-person type of guy. You were good, too. Terrifying,” he admits bluntly. “I fear for your exes.”
“Don’t bother, they deserved it,” Nicky guarantees, glancing over his shoulder.
He’s been here for a while. He must have other tables to tend to. Still, Joe wants very badly to reach out for his hand and coax him to sit down, if only so Joe doesn’t feel so humiliated and alone and stupid.
“Do you want the bill?”
He should get it. He should go home and call Nile and tell her, in no uncertain terms, that any future dates have to be better vetted. What he wants is to stay here and find out more about Nicky’s romantic history, maybe if only to feel better in comparison.
Should wins over want, though, when Nicky makes an uncomfortable noise. “Sorry, Joe, I have to go, one of my other tables is starting to give your Keane a run for his money in behaviour. I’ll send the bill over, but take your time. We don’t want to rush you out of here.”
He reaches down to rest his hand on top of Joe’s, which has the side-effect of making Joe’s heart stop and then start again.
“I don’t, at least.”
That gets his heart pumping, and how. He still walks away and Joe is still left on his own, but considering the nightmare scenario that could have been the end of this night with Keane, he’s happy to take it.
Despite striking out with Celeste and Keane, Nile refuses to give up on Joe.
Her stubbornness is one of Joe’s favourite things about her, but he’s starting to feel like his heart isn’t in it. His heart also isn’t in the kind of place where he’s willing to tell Nile to stop, which is why he’s back at his favourite restaurant (on a night that Nicky works) to have drinks and dessert with Dizzy.
Joe has to hand it to Nile. Of all the people she’s set him up with, this one is clicking the most, even if it’s not in the way Nile probably wants.
“I adore art,” she’d told him when they first got their drinks, rambling about her favourite modern artists and how much she loves the art nouveau style. “Lately, though, I’ve been shifting away from canvas into more of an interior design space. It’s been very rewarding.”
“I’m sure your bank account also agrees,” Joe can’t help joking.
“No one does want to just hand you an exhibition, do they?” Dizzy scoffs. “I still want to create, but I can’t live like that.”
She’s sweet. She’s lovely. She’s attractive, engaging and thoughtful.
If Joe was still looking to fill the gaps in his heart, he might even want to arrange a second date, but the trouble is that he’s already met someone else who’s lovely and mostly sweet and handsome and is currently folding napkins at the bar. Why can’t he make himself feel as excited about Dizzy as he does about catching glimpses of his waiter? If he likes Nicky like that, does that mean he should ask him out? Or does he only like him because he doesn’t know anything about him and that’ll be bound to fail too?
“Do you want to come back to my place?” Dizzy asks hopefully, when the date ends.
Joe doesn’t move. He’s not sure he wants to go, just yet. “You’ve been so great, Dizzy. Can we meet up again at a gallery? As friends,” he clarifies, not wanting to lead her on about what he wants.
He can tell that she’s disappointed, but Joe would have been more upset if he’d led her on thinking they could have something solely because of his own stubborn desire to make one of these dates work.
“Friends,” Dizzy echoes, looking a bit surprised. It only takes a moment before she recovers. “You know what? Yes. That’d be great. I could always use more friends.” The hurt returns, if only briefly, as she collects her purse. “Was it me? Did you not like me?”
“No, Dizzy, it’s me,” Joe hurries to insist. “I think I might have rushed into this. My head is a mess about what I want and Nile’s been so quick to try and help, but the truth is, I should probably take a step back. I mean it, though. I could use more friends, especially ones who know what they’re talking about with art.”
It doesn’t seem to fix everything, but at least she doesn’t look like she’s about to cry. Joe’s not sure he could manage if she did.
“Thanks for being honest with me,” she says. “I had a good time tonight. You’re a great guy, Joe.”
“I appreciate you saying that, considering I just gave you the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech,” he says. “Which is true. I need to tell Nile that I don’t think I’m ready for what she wants to help me with.”
That’s not entirely the truth. He’s ready, it’s just not something he can get from a blind date.
“I’ll send you a text,” Dizzy promises. “You said friends, I’m holding you to it.”
“I’d be upset if you didn’t.”
With a last bittersweet smile, she heads off for the night, leaving Joe at the table alone to wonder how the hell he’s managed to get himself so deep into this mess.
With his mind still so preoccupied, he doesn’t leave immediately. Twenty minutes later, Joe’s still at the table, lingering and nursing his drink.
“You didn’t ask for a rescue and she stayed the whole time. Why do you look this way?”
Joe glances up to see Nicky in a leather jacket, his hair loose around his face and a cross-body bag slung over his front. He’s definitely not here to fill Joe’s drink, which means he’s apparently pathetic enough that he’s become a sideshow attraction.
“I think I’m beginning to realize my dating issue isn’t because I keep meeting unsuitable people. Dizzy’s great. She’s sweet and she loves art and she’s not in love with my best friend beyond the fleeting crush we all had when we first met her…”
“But?”
Joe shrugs, swilling his drink without taking a sip. It’s more accessory to ponder than a drink at this point. “I don’t know. It didn’t feel right.”
Nicky gestures to the seat opposite Joe. “Can I sit?”
There’s a part of Joe that wants to say no. This could ruin everything. Nicky The Waiter is on a pedestal in his mind as someone who comes to Joe’s rescue when he’s at his romantic worst. What happens if he gets to know him and this all falls apart too? Right now, he has hope and he can build a fantastical story in his mind.
It could ruin it.
His own selfish need for company (and an even shallower need to stare at Nicky) wins out. “Please, so long as you’re not going to get a reputation for drinking with your restaurant’s most lovelorn loser.”
“I think I already got a bit of that reputation for comping your drink the first time. The other staff tease me now when you’re here on a date,” Nicky confesses.
“Do they?” That almost feels like hope bubbling up in Joe’s chest.
Nicky shrugs, settling back against the booth. “I always ask for your table.”
“Oh?”
“You’ve needed a rescue once, I thought I would make it easier to give you an out instead of having to explain to Anna or Josh the act they need to put on to save you.”
It’s very sweet, though Joe would like to insist that he doesn’t need a saviour and that it’d only happened once. Then again, he really had needed to have someone get him away from Keane and he doesn’t want to think about how poorly the evening could have gone without it.
“Oh.”
It’s also very disappointing. Here Joe had been hoping Nicky might tell him that he’s invested in his dating life because he’s jealous.
Joe would have to actually tell Nicky he has a little bit of an infatuated crush on him to do that, and he’s not even sure if he does or if he just appreciates Nicky being his port in a storm. “Well,” he says, trying to salvage this conversation the same as he’d saved things with Dizzy. “Maybe one day, I’ll find someone and you won’t need to rescue me.”
“Or maybe you’ll come and it will just be a table for one. No rescuing required, unless you order the butter noodles from the kid’s menu. Then,” Nicky says, darkly intoned, “there is no rescuing you at all.”
“Noted.”
Joe thinks, briefly, about doing something very stupid. What if he just asked Nicky out for drinks? What if he suggested that he doesn’t have to eat alone, because Nicky could eat with him? What then?
He opens his mouth to ask, but he’s foiled before he gets the chance.
“Ah, here’s my date,” says Nicky, as a handsome young man approaches. “Antonio, ciao.”
It’s been a while since someone’s poured a bucket of ice over Joe’s head, but it’s not an experience he’ll ever forget (once for charity and once solely at the mercy of Nile’s glee). This moment, when Nicky smiles with that winsome grin at another man makes him remember that shock all too well.
It’s a good thing he hadn’t asked Nicky out, it looks like. It would have only led to more heartbreak.
“Joe, we’re headed out for the night, are you…?”
“I’m fine,” he promises. “Go.”
“I do hope you’re going to come back,” Nicky says, once he’s on his feet (and Antonio is waiting for him at the door). “It wouldn’t be the same without you here.” What that means, Joe has no idea, given that Nicky is walking away with another man, but honestly, the last few weeks have been very confusing for Joe.
Why should sense introduce itself into the equation now?
For the last week, Joe has been plagued with a non-stop barrage of sex dreams.
It’s infuriating. It’s frustrating. Sure, it’s been a while, but he should have more control than this, yet every night he dreams of long fingers pressed against his hips, making soft little divots as they push in. He dreams of those fingers in his mouth, of lips on his, stubble scratching his thighs as some unknown dream man sucks him off.
Joe blames the dreams for his next mistake.
Even though he’d sworn off dating apps, he finds himself back on Grindr doing exactly what he’s sworn he doesn’t do – looking for something casual and quick, just to take the edge off.
That’s how he matches with Steven Merrick, a decision he regrets furiously in retrospect.
For some familiarity and out of a sense of habit, Joe takes him to Nicky’s restaurant for a drink to loosen up, but that’s where the positive aspects of the night begin and end. Merrick is everything he’s been trying to avoid. He makes lascivious and denigrating comments. He’s a prejudiced and racist asshole that still wants to fuck Joe in the bathroom. Worse, he does it all sober without a drop of drink or a drug in his system.
Joe might be a patient man with an ability to wear an impassive and polite face, but he’s considering dropping the act just to see if Merrick will get the hint.
Two jibes about Joe’s ancestry later and Joe does, but Merrick doesn’t seem to notice (or care). He doesn’t know if he’s going to be able to escape this one easily, given that every time he hints at going to the bathroom, Merrick makes to get up and come with him. That escape isn’t going to work.
Luckily for him, divine interference is still something he deserves.
Well, divine in that the man who does it has a divinely impressive ass.
“Excuse me,” Nicky’s voice cuts into Merrick’s boasting about his last quarter. He shifts to look at Joe. “Sir, there was a message for you at the bar. Your husband is on the phone. He says he saw you with this man,” he says with thick disdain as he gestures to Merrick, “and that if you’re still together in ten minutes, then he is coming in here.”
“Husband?” Merrick echoes.
This isn’t what Joe had expected, but he takes the lifeline and grips on tight. “I told him it’s over between us, but he’s such a possessive and jealous asshole,” he sighs. “It’s because he’s a professional boxer, he’s so used to just getting his way.”
“...a violent jealous asshole?” Merrick asks, visibly gulping.
Good. He’s on the ledge. It’s time to give him a push.
“There’s only been two incidents, but he swore he’s better now. Though,” he hums, “he is more prone to possessive fits when he’s drinking. Did he sound drunk?” he asks Nicky very seriously.
“Unfortunately, it did sound like he was slurring a little.”
Joe stares at Merrick, reaching across the table to tangle their hands together. “You’ll fight for me, won’t you? You’ve been so adamant about wanting to be with me all night,” he says, aware that his words are less sweet and more incisive, but his patience only goes so far. “If you deal with him, maybe we could head to that bathroom?”
He spider-walks his fingers up Merrick’s forearm, noting Nicky’s disgust out of the corner of his eye.
Joe’s far more attuned to the panic on Merrick’s face.
“Honestly? You’re not that hot,” Merrick says dismissively as he yanks his hand away and actually bolts for the front door. It would be funny, if Joe didn’t feel so pathetic that he’d actively considered Merrick for even a half-second.
The tension draws on until, finally, Nicky breaks it.
“That was very rude,” Nicky mutters. “Not to mention, inaccurate. Did he disclose his vision problems to you?”
Buoyed and giddy with relief, Joe isn’t sure what Nicky means. “What?” he laughs.
“You are that hot,” Nicky says bluntly. “In fact, you’re more than that hot. It’s a shame that he’s so rude and blind.”
Considering Joe watched Nicky walk away with another man only a week ago, this little revelation stuns him into a shocked silence. Did Nicky really just say that? Is there a window of opportunity for Joe to slither in, here?
“Uh…”
“Now I’m being rude,” Nicky apologizes. “I’ll go and get your check.”
It’s been a night, so Joe feels like he can be excused for not having his shit together. He’s still processing the fact that he’s sure Nicky had been flirting with him when he returns. There’s also the part where he’d made an epic mistake even inviting Merrick out and he clearly needs to stop.
One problem at a time, he decides.
“Was that man really your type?” Nicky asks warily, handing over the bill.
Joe closes his eyes tightly, aware that he’s going to need to find a new restaurant at this rate. “Not at all. Honestly, I didn’t even know what he looked like, his picture only showed his hands and his…” He opens his eyes, flushed red, when he realizes he’d been about to discuss dick pics in public.
Nicky doesn’t fill in the blank for him. He waits, patiently, and then waits some more when Joe doesn’t help.
“I’m sorry,” Joe says. “This is all stupid and my fault.”
“That man’s behaviour was absolutely not your fault,” Nicky guarantees.
“The fact that I went on a date with him is, especially when I already know what I want and I’m the one who’s preventing it from happening by not being honest.” He shakes his head as he digs out his wallet. “Nicky, it’s become clear to me that the only person in this entire restaurant I want to date is you.”
That catches Nicky off guard, judging by his stunned silence.
“Is that bad?” Joe asks tentatively.
“This isn’t horror, this is shock,” Nicky hurriedly insists. “Really? Even though your friend didn’t set us up?”
“Maybe especially because of that.” Joe feels like he’s on a limb, ready to take a plunge. “Honestly, I don’t know if it’s just because you’ve come to my rescue and you’ve been a sympathetic ear. We could go on a date and you might need a handsome waiter to bail you out, but we’re not going to know until we try and I’m tired of assholes on Grindr like him.”
Nicky is silent for longer than Joe likes. Then, finally, he laughs nervously. “If I did need a rescue, I’d have to get very original. You already know all my go-to tactics.”
“You can’t out-monogamy me as a ploy,” Joe warns, feeling like he could laugh in relief that Nicky’s not turning him down. Tentatively, he reaches across the table to slide his thumb over the outside of Nicky’s palm, heart pounding in his chest nervously. “I don’t know if this is going to be perfect, but I know I want to try.”
“Who needs perfect?” Nicky murmurs softly. “You know. I wasn’t only invested in your dates because of a potential rescue.”
“No?”
“I needed to see who it was you worked best with. I think maybe I was a glutton for punishment, because I wanted to see you happy, even if it meant I would be miserable that you had found someone.”
“What about Antonio?” Maybe Nicky doesn’t want to be exclusive, but Joe needs to know that going in to temper his expectations. “I don’t want to rush us into monogamy, but I wasn’t joking around with Keane when I talked about only being a one-man-at-a-time kind of person.”
“What do you mean Antonio?”
“Last time, when I was here and you were leaving with him. You called him your date.”
Nicky’s cheeks flush pink. “I was being sarcastic. He’s a young dishwasher here and I told him that I would walk him home. Trust me, he’s very happy with his girlfriend, I only meant it as more of an appointment, not romantically. I’m like you, that way. When I’m dating someone, I only want to be dating the one someone.”
So they’re on the same page.
“That’s a yes?” Joe confirms, needing to hear the words. “You’ll go out with me?”
“Happily. Maybe, though, I think we should find a new place to eat.”
For all the relief he’d felt watching Merrick walk away, it has nothing on the way Nicky’s joke breaks through Joe’s tension in a second flat. They’re going to go on a date, it will be at a new restaurant, and Joe is out of the romantic damsel in distress business.
“You won’t hear an argument from me.”
“Good,” Nicky says warmly, prying a pen out of his pocket. “I’ll give you my number. You should call me. Tonight. I don’t want any misunderstandings to make us miss this opportunity.”
He scribbles quickly on the bill and watches Joe input it into his phone.
Ten seconds later, Joe’s texted Nicky and received confirmation that the number is right. They arrange to meet up next week for a date and suddenly, Joe’s romantic life just got a lot less dire looking.
Now, there’s just the one thing left – calling off Nile.
It might just be the buzz of good luck, but Joe decides that doesn’t need to happen right away. After all, what’s the point of something good finally happening to him if he can’t stop to enjoy it?
In retrospect, he probably should have told Nile right away.
The call Joe’s expecting comes five minutes after his date leaves.
“What the hell?” Nile hisses. “Karim is exactly your type. He shows up and says that you were weird and distant, that you were barely paying attention to him?”
Despite Joe’s anticipation of this call, it doesn’t mean his guilt has lessened at all. Given Nile’s track record, when he’d politely accepted this date, he thought it would be another flop and he wouldn’t have to make excuses for why it had gone badly. Then, Karim had turned up handsome and charming and had nearly sent Nicky into a jealous fit, because of course Joe had brought him to his favourite restaurant.
The fact that Karim didn’t leave the restaurant with wine on his shirt was only because Joe came clean about his boyfriend within the first ten minutes.
Now, it’s time to do the same with Nile.
“You’re right. I was an asshole to Karim,” he admits. “I shouldn’t have said yes, but I have to admit, I was buying time. I wasn’t ready for you to ask questions, but I also wanted a bit more time before telling you the truth.”
“...what truth?”
“Mainly that you’re very persuasive and I should be better about saying no.” He doesn’t want to blame Nile for this at all, not when this is his issue, so he’s quick to continue. “I went into it with open eyes, I did! I wanted to like the people you set me up with.”
“I did a shit job with some of them,” Nile confesses. “Sorry about Keane, again.”
“Honestly, Nile, it’s fine. If Keane hadn’t been such a dud, I’m not sure that I would have met my boyfriend.”
He’s expecting silence. He’s even hoping for shock, even a little awe.
What he’s not expecting is for Nile to instantly follow that up with a cursing fit that would have Joe’s mother armed with a bar of soap and ready to attack. “Language,” he teases.
“Fuck you. You have a boyfriend? Since when? Who? What the hell?”
“Oh, about two dates ago?”
“Dizzy?”
“Not exactly,” says Joe, realizing that there’s more than a little to catch Nile up on. “I may have gone on an unsanctioned Grindr date, but it wound up giving me an actual boyfriend, so the disaster was worth it. I kind of thought your newest option would fail like the rest, but I can see now that was short-sighted and a bit cruel of me to accept instead of just telling you the truth.”
“Hmph.”
“I have an idea, though?” Joe knows that Nile can’t stay mad at him, but it never hurts to sweeten the pot. “How about you call Celeste and I’ll make reservations for four, so you can meet my new boyfriend and grill him to your heart’s content.”
He knows he’s bribing her with a good time by bringing Celeste into it. Nile hasn’t been shy with her constant praises of the fledgling relationship she and Celeste are feeling out, and by reminding her of Joe’s assist in that matter, he thinks he might have earned himself somewhat of a reprieve.
“Okay, fine,” Nile finally concedes. “Two conditions.”
“I’m listening.”
“First, you apologize to Karim. He really is a great guy and it’s not his fault that you and I should have been on the same page.”
That, Joe can’t argue with. “Done. Next?”
“You are sending me pictures of this boyfriend along with his name, his socials, and everything else I need for the deep dive background check I’m about to do.”
“Nicolo di Genova,” he shares, glad Nile can’t see him given the idiotically besotted smile on his face. “I’ll send you his Instagram later, but he is charmingly terrible at social media.” In fact, it’s already become one of Joe’s favourite things about him. “We’ll also put something on the books so we can all meet.”
“You’re so lucky I love you.”
“I love you too, Nile,” Joe promises, “and I have to thank you. Honestly. If it weren’t for your mission to get me dating again, I never would have met him.”
“What I’m hearing is that I’m the reason for all your happiness.”
Maybe it’s a little exaggerated, but Joe suspects it’s not that far off. He’ll let her have the win.
“You’re lucky you know how to flatter me. Text me the details, call Karim, and Joe?”
“Hm?”
“I’m really happy you found someone, even if it wasn’t one of my someones.”
For Joe, that means almost as much to him as finding Nicky does. Suffused with warmth and gratitude for having someone as incredible as Nile in his life, he’s pleased that he’s not the only one who came out of this romance quest with something to brag about (and he’s sure he’ll hear plenty when they have their double date).
“I’m happy we both did,” Joe says, still a little dizzy with happiness at how good his life feels right now. “Now, get off the phone, I have to continue my groveling tour. I’ll see you at the restaurant this weekend.”
“Wild dogs couldn’t keep me away.”
“Wild dogs aren’t stupid enough to try anything with you.”
“Damn right,” says Nile and hangs up to give Joe the space for him to make amends.
If you’d have told him a month ago that he’d have the pick of suitors, but that none of them would matter because of a snarky, sweet, stunning waiter at his favourite restaurant, he wouldn’t have believed it.
Luckily for Joe, he doesn’t need to believe in anything, not when it’s the reality of his life.
“You know, I think we have to talk about your choice of restaurants.”
“Do we?” Joe replies, raising his brows innocently. “Here I thought I had impeccable taste in restaurants. After all, my favourite one is where I met you.”
This favourite restaurant also happens to be the one they’re at.
Nicky wraps an arm around Joe’s waist, fingers hooking into his belt loops to ease him close enough that he can steal a kiss on Joe’s cheek. It morphs into a deeper kiss at the corner of his lips, which bodes poorly for Joe’s ability to get through dinner without nudging Nicky towards the bathroom.
“Yes,” Nicky agrees, “and I still work here, so every time we come for dinner, I get teased mercilessly the next day at work.”
“How on earth will I make it up to you?” Joe wonders, as if he doesn’t already know a dozen and one ways he plans to start. His fingers start inching towards the hem of Nicky’s shirt, intending to untuck it and go in search of the warm skin of his back that’s waiting right there and tempting him.
At least, that would have been the plan, if not for the aggrieved throat clearing behind them.
“Hey!” Nile calls out to them. “We’re here for dinner, not so you can make out against the wall. We could be doing that at home too, you know,” she says pointedly, threading her fingers with Celeste’s as she tugs her along towards the entrance.
Joe raises both brows, bringing out his most innocent face (and who could ever doubt him when he’s wearing it?)
“Is that what we were going to do?”
“If it’s what would give your best friend a bad impression of me, then never,” Nicky insists, stepping forward. “Nile, hello. I’ve heard so much about you. I’m Nicky.”
“Hey Nicky. Nile, as you know.” Nile reaches out to shake his hand, studying him like an anthropologist in the field. Joe’s proud to say that Nicky doesn’t flinch under the inspection for a single second. “Okay,” she finally concedes, but she’s not talking to Joe. She’s talking to Celeste. “You were right.”
“Right about what?”
Celeste remains cool and collected. “Oh, nothing. It’s only that Nile mentioned how enthralled Joe has seemed about Nicky’s big…”
She drags it out so expertly that Joe immediately falls a little retroactively in love with her. It’s a good thing Nicky’s already managed to secure his heart, otherwise he might have some competition.
“...nose,” she finally finishes.
Nicky rubs two fingers over his nose, arching a brow at Joe. “Is that what you were looking at? Why did I bother wearing my tightest pants to work, then?” His eyes sparkle with mirth, clearly aware that Joe had been looking at a myriad of places (and the tight pants had helped, certainly).
“Everyone, quiet, and let’s go inside before Nicky decides we can’t eat here anymore just because the staff will make his life a living hell.”
“Is that not good enough reason?” Celeste wonders. “I’m wary to show my face and I’ve only been here once.”
“You see? Nile, I like her,” Nicky praises, holding the door open so Celeste can enter, leaving Joe and Nile to follow at their own pace. “Now, tell me. After that very embarrassing night that gave me a shot at Joe, how did you and Nile end up together?”
They wander off, already fast friends given the way they launch into new tales of romance and gossip. Joe watches fondly, appreciating Nicky’s tight jeans and the expressive way he speaks with his hands and how he keeps glancing back, like he needs to keep checking Joe hasn’t vanished.
“So?” Nile whispers, catching Joe in the middle of a healthy degree of longing. “Friday night, 7:36PM. Can I mark it?”
Joe’s lost. “Mark what?”
“Joe Al-Kaysani officially finds someone he really likes, all thanks to the help of his best friend,” she brags.
Joe could argue. He could point out that none of the blind dates she’d sent him on had worked out. Then again, she has a point. If not for her interference, Joe would have remained a lump on his couch and would have never come out, and thus, never met Nicky.
When it comes down to it, this really is all because of Nile.
“7:36PM,” Joe agrees. “Joe Al-Kaysani officially acknowledges that he has the best friend in the whole world and has decided to give love a fair shot.” Nicky gives him a wink as the host picks up menus to lead them to their table ahead of the crowd.
Something terrible happens. His stomach flutters like he’s a lovesick teenager and all he wants is for Nicky to take his hand so they can sit that way all dinner. He isn’t just some idiot with a crush, he’s become a doting romantic fool, and the truth is, he couldn’t be happier about it.
“Excellent work, Ms. Freeman,” Joe praises. “Not only did you find me a man, but you managed to get someone for yourself at the same time.”
Nile flips a braid of hair off her shoulder, chin lifted with pride. “What can I say? I don’t do anything by halves.”
No, she does not, and it’s one of the things Joe loves so fiercely about her.
It’s 7:37PM on a Friday night, Nicky’s taking Joe’s hand in his as he asks about the wine list, Nile and Celeste are sharing a soft kiss as they settle in, and life is good. It turns out that Joe never needed to abandon love at all.
He just had to figure out where to look for it.