Chapter Text
Seras Victoria still remembered how it all began.
~ooO Begin Flashback ~o~
“Integra has accepted my suit.”
The words were like a fist in her gut. It took every ounce of control to keep her reaction on the inside, to not show much the words had affected her.
“Excuse me?”
“Integra has finally accepted my request to court her.” Seras Victoria’s former master cocked a slim brow. “Aren’t you going to follow convention and congratulate me?”
“Congratulations Master.” It was still reflex to call him that when he spoke down to her, even though their sire/childe bond had been broken long ago. Seras forced herself to smile. “Congratulations to both you and Sir Integra.” She hesitated. “Can I talk about it? To others?”
Alucard frowned faintly. “Not yet. Integra wishes to inform the Round Table first.”
Seras nodded, biting back the crude words on the tip of her tongue. That Integra was simply looking to put another leash on Alucard, one around his cock. Instead she lowered her eyes to the ground and muttered something suitably bland.
It didn’t stop her from taking the first opportunity to withdraw and retreat to her basement room where she cried for crushed hopes and shattered dreams. Because she loved Alucard. Not that she had ever told him, because he would never have considered her worthy of his intimate attentions, and everyone knew of his infatuation with Integra Hellsing.
Seras had cried for hours before burying those unfulfilled yearnings, her tender emotions deep within the recesses of her mind. She would survive this just like she survived everything else Fate and Chance had thrown at her.
~o~ End Flashback Ooo~
That had been eight years after the Battle of London, three years after Alucard returned from limbo. It took two years for everything to go to hell. And the sad thing was Seras had a front seat to everything happening. And she had tried to stop it.
The truth was she hadn’t even realised what was happening, how badly the Battle of London had affected Integra, the loss of life and destruction…
~ooO Begin Flashback ~o~
Seras was worried. She had been hearing things out in the field and in Hellsing itself. Sir Integra had authorized several experiments, all information was strictly need to know. Except that the soldiers had been ordered to capture vampires for experimentation, to test new weapons designs. It made Seras queasy. She was a police officer and soldier. She hadn’t signed up to assist in Nazi-like experiments!
She turned insubstantial and phased into the walls, slowly drifting along until she reached the basement rooms used by the scientists.
“Report.”
Seras stiffened and nearly panicked until she realised Alucard was not around. There were only humans around Sir Integra.
“We’ve succeeded in modifying Abraham Van Hellsing’s seals to function as requested. Well, the first two requirements of the five you’ve specified.”
“Only?” Sir Integra sounded displeased. “What is the problem?”
“Power. The vampires burn out before we can see the results you desire.”
“So an older vampire would be a better test subject,” Integra surmised.
“Yes.”
“I’ll order the men to secure a suitable one ASAP.”
~o~ End Flashback Ooo~
If Seras had known what Integra had ordered to be created she would have killed her that night and fled. But she hadn’t had any idea so she simply assumed it was more lethal weaponry for the human soldiers. It was anything but. And when Alucard returned she had put the events to the back of her mind and concentrated on the present.
Seras had not known the details of how everything went down the crapper in Britain because she had taken a leave of absence from Hellsing right after the formal announcement, the engagement. She had not known anything was wrong until Hellsing soldiers tracked her down in Australia. She read enough from the commander’s mind to go underground and use her scanty contacts to find out what was happening in Europe… that Hellsing was hunting for old midian vampires, capturing them for some unknown purpose. Alucard was no longer being sent out on missions. And they had been ordered to capture Seras.
It had taken several weeks and a lot of money and favours before she pieced together enough facts and gossip and tabloid news to assemble a back story.
Integra had ordered the Hellsing scientists and researchers to figure out a way to drain a vampire’s life potential to extend a human’s lifespan, to give humans healing and longevity without being changed to a vampire. And they succeeded. Alucard was the pinnacle of their efforts, a no-life king forced by the existing Hellsing seals to obey and not resist as they cast more seals that sent him into a deep coma while they drained his energy to empower key members of the Round Table and the Royal Family. None of the other midian vampires captured were strong enough to sustain so many humans like Alucard so Hellsing was now targeting older and more dangerous vampires. And succeeding ever since they started using Iscariot’s barrier spells and blessed weapons.
In the beginning Seras had refused to believe that Integra had ordered and permitted such an atrocity, a perversion of natural order, but the evidence kept piling up against her until Seras had no choice but to stand against Hellsing. Seras didn’t like a lot of her vampire unlife but she would be dust and ash rather than allow anyone to use her like a goddamn battery!
So she fought.
At first the vampires didn’t trust her, didn’t believe she had turned on Hellsing. That was until Cairo where she slaughtered twenty-five squads sent to capture the Master of the local region.
Unfortunately it wasn’t enough. There were simply too many humans and when the local politicos were brought into the loop they spent human life like water to capture vampires, weak or old it did not matter — five three decades old vampires were equivalent to a century old vampire. The vampires tried to locate and attack the enslavement houses and failed — the prisons were too well protected by Iscariot techniques.
It was a losing war. There was no way to win, no way to hide, not in the modern age where information flowed across continents in seconds. The only way to survive was to completely fall off the grid, to live apart from civilized society; so that was exactly what Seras decided to do. She needed time to figure out a new strategy, a way to beat Integra, to free Alucard and all the enslaved vampires. She hated running but it was the only option available to her.
~ooOoo~ooOoo~ooOoo~ooOoo~ooOoo~
She fled on fishing boats across water, on foot to go cross country, avoiding paved well travelled roads, sticking to dusty trails serving remote communities. It didn’t help that she was Caucasian and had to repeatedly enthrall the locals into ignoring her.
She travelled up into Singapore, Malaysia and then into Thailand before trekking into the Himalayas trying to find a place where she didn’t have to worry about being traced. It was impossible until she decided to take a risk and went higher into the mountains. There were less people, limited sources of blood, and they were more wary of strangers.
Seras had finally resigned herself to holing up in a cave, starving herself into hibernation when she stumbled into a small piece of paradise.
~ooOoo~ooOoo~ooOoo~
She woke in a cell-like room, lying on top of a thin mattress made of three layers of folded blankets. If she were human, Seras was certain her back would be killing her.
Then she realised she was not a prisoner, there were no chains, no restraints, no guards. She pushed open the door and crept down the high-ceilinged corridors. She could hear heartbeats, smell humans, young and old, mostly males. Her mouth watered and she was reminded of hungry she was; it had been too long since she had last eaten.
Seras ducked down a colder corridor; it had open windows that allowed the cold crisp mountain air to blow in, air free of human scents. Once she was certain of her control she resumed her stealthy motions to find a source of information. Thankfully she was familiar with the local dialects, a handy trick she learnt through trial and error — how to pick up languages by drinking the blood of a native speaker.
She needed to find the local storerooms for clothing that would blend in and perhaps a bite to eat. She still cursed Alucard for not teaching her it was not necessary for vampires to kill when feeding from a live donor; you just had to make the initial cut with a blade and avoid getting too much saliva into the donor’s blood stream.
“She is not normal.”
“All those seeking sanctuary shall be granted it.”
“She is dangerous, a life force drinker.”
“True, but all beings have a role in existence. It is not our place to question who deserves to live and who does not.”
“Her kind kills in order to live. That is not a righteous life.”
“She is different. She kills to protect, to defend herself.”
“That is not our way.”
“Our way is not her way.”
“What if she starts killing the acolytes?”
“Let us wait and see. If she does kill I will reconsider my decision.”
Seras ducked to avoid the speakers and remained very still, hoping they would leave and give her the chance to get out.
Her wish was partially answered. One set of footsteps moving away from her.
“You may come out now.”
Seras stiffened and debated her options before making an uncharacteristic decision — she showed herself.
The owner of the rather strong voice was an elderly man with a wispy appearance – wispy gray streaked thinning hair, papery liver-spotted skin stretched over fragile seeming bones — and deep down she sensed the strength of will within him. He was dressed in enveloping orange-brown robes that covered him from neck to wrist and ankle. It looked oddly religious, like a cassock but he was no Catholic priest, or even a Christian for that matter. The odd man remained sitting and watched her calmly before gesturing her towards a stool set before him, presumably where his conversational partner had been sitting.
“Sit,” he told her.
Seras sat.
Once upon a time she would have begun babbling, spilling information about herself, asking for information. Only a few months ago she would have used her bubbly outgoing appearance to weasel out information for her campaign. Now she just sat and waited.
“You are tired,” he spoke knowingly, watchfully.
“Yes.”
“And when you are no longer tired?”
Her spine stiffened and her chin lifted. “I will fight. I will not lie down and submit.”
He blinked slowly, thoughtfully and reached out to pick a string of beads in one hand, passing each polished jade bead through thumb and pointer finger. The soft ‘clacking’ sound of jade bead against jade bead was rhythmic, soothing.
Finally he spoke.
“I have felt the world grow unbalanced. It started when a great darkness in Europe was snuffed out.”
Seras blinked back tears. “Master is not dead!” she hissed baring her fangs. Her show of aggression was met by placid calm so she retreated. “He’s not dead,” she repeated softly. “They’ve forced him into a coma. They are using his strength and power, his life to extend their own lives.”
“Ahh,” he murmured. “The great imbalance.”
Seras shrugged. “I don’t know about any imbalance. All I know is the human governments are hunting down vampires, to use us as batteries so the wealthy and influential can live longer lives.”
Blood tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. “I don’t know why I’m fighting so hard. I never really liked being a vampire. I don’t like drinking blood or killing. I’m not interested in joining a vampire court or forming one of my own. I just wanted to be free and now that’s an impossibility.”
“Freedom is the greatest illusion the gods ever granted to humanity. All of us live in chains. Even those who you think are the most free,” the old man told her with great sagacity.
Seras stiffened. “You’re wrong!”
“The average man lives under the rules of his employer, the rules of his landlord, the rules of his king or president. He obeys them so he can feed and shelter his family.”
“But he can leave if he wants to!”
“Yes, but will he? When he has a family to look after?”
“I don’t have a family,” Seras muttered.
“Perhaps. But you have chains. Duties. Responsibilities. Obligations. You fight for a reason.”
“There is no way I can win this fight,” Seras fought back tears.
“Perhaps. And perhaps not.” He studied her intently. “Do you wish to find out which applies to you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Stay. Watch. Learn. You may discover something new.” And helpful was left unsaid, but implied by his tone and knowing expression.
Seras considered the offer for a second before giving her response. “Sure, why not.”
~ooOoo~ooOoo~ooOoo~
So Seras stayed and adapted to the local way of life. But mostly she studied the local histories, philosophies, and legends.
Buddhism was a more forgiving, accepting way of life. There was no hell, damnation, and eternal torment if you messed up, just another chance to get things right, only from a lower level on the totem pole. And the monks practiced what they preached about tolerance, faith, and serenity. They were things Seras truly and wholly believed in, and wished to live by, but the current state of affairs were against her.
Hellsing was expanding its net, even allying with the Communist Chinese government to locate and capture Seras. Everywhere she looked she could see their influence spreading. Like Millennium. Like the Nazis, Seras thought acidly as she settled in a cross-legged position before a small alter.
Kuan Yin was one of the most beloved goddesses in the local region, the embodiment of compassionate loving kindness. She was said to have a thousand arms and an eye in the palm of each hand so she could see anyone in distress and comfort them. The statue on the altar was pouring healing waters from a small vase, to give spiritual peace to all living things. In another hand she held a bowl of rice, a metaphor for fertility and sustenance. Kuan Yin was the protector of women, especially those who yearned to have children, and of those who were imprisoned.
Seras had desperately sought peace and security all her life, from the day she lost her parents, when she lost her life and became one of the undead, when she fled from Britain trying to bury her broken dreams. Now she found the beginnings of that holy grail in this isolated mountain monastery, in the image of an Oriental Madonna who spoke to her more deeply than Christ or any Western traditions.
Seras had long given up on her femininity. Love and family was not in the cards for her. She was a vampire and could not have children. The first man she allowed herself to care for died and the one who she lost her heart to preferred another. Even though Alucard did not care for Seras it did not matter to vampiress; she still loved him and was determined to do all she could for him. And right now that meant rescuing him from Hellsing.
Red eyes studied the dragon motif around the edge of the altar. Kuan Yin was associated with the dragon, an ancient symbol of spirituality, wisdom, and divine powers of transformation. Master Alucard had been a member of the Order of the Dragon during his living years, fighting to keep the Ottoman Muslims out of Europe. And from that life filled with rage and hate Alucard gained a terrifying degree of strength, drive to become a vampire without being bitten himself when he was killed, a vampire who could shape shift and move through shadows with almost no conscious thought. Master knew a great deal but he rarely shared any of his thoughts, preferring to watch as Seras fumbled and stumbled on her way to wisdom and understanding. Other times he would choose to cause the most amount of violence and destruction in the environment and people around him.
Seras smiled faintly as she remembered how she had been introduced to Kuan Yin
~ooO Begin Flashback ~o~
“You struggle with your nature.”
“Of course I do. I’m a vampire. I don’t want to follow my instincts and gorge on blood.”
“You should not be so harsh on yourself. You are in the middle of a difficult cycle and the goddess will understand.”
“The Goddess?”
“Kuan Yin. She loves everyone of us, from saint to sinner, child to elder.”
“Even the damned undead?”
“I would not call you damned. You have a role written out by the Fates. Every day you walk on this world you fulfill that destiny. It is not for humans to deny you.”
“I’m a killer.”
“All living things are dying. You simply assisted a few of them to their end a little faster.”
Seras choked and glared at Lo Pein, the head monk, the first one to accept her without question, the one who invited her to stay indefinitely at the monastery, despite being female, a foreigner, and a vampire.
“You shouldn’t say things like that!”
“Why not? It is the truth.”
“That Goddess of yours would not like it.”
“Kuan Yin has seen and heard worse and she still loves unconditionally.”
~o~ End Flashback Ooo~
That had made Seras curious to ask more about Kuan Yin. The more she learnt the more drawn she was. She wasn’t a Buddhist but there was something about the Goddess that drew Seras. She was mother, aunt, elder sister, best friend, someone who didn’t see Seras as damned and irredeemable.
The faint smile softened and spread as Seras allowed herself to sink into a meditative trance, the whole world fading away into insignificance, the only thing that mattered was the serenity within her heart, the certainty that things would work out, somehow.
~ooOoo~
“You are right.”
Seras turned around and stared at a familiar figure. But it couldn’t be! This had to be some sort of illusion, a hallucination. She turned away and tried to expand her senses, to detect the flaws in the mental construct.
“This is not a dream, or a trick, Seras Victoria.”
“Of course you’d say that,” Seras muttered cynically before focusing her attention on escape.
But she could not find a crack to exploit. The first glimmers of real fear crept into the forefront of her mind. She turned to the intruder.
“What do you want?”
“I want peace and serenity for all mankind, a world with no pain.”
Seras snorted. “That’s a nice dream. Keep on dreaming.”
“Oh but I am Seras Victoria. And my dreaming has led me to you.”
Seras stopped and turned. “What do you want from me?” She didn’t expect to get the answer she got.
“I want you to stop the humans seeking immortality.”
Seras stiffened. “That’s what I’ve been trying to do. And I’ve failed miserably.”
“Perhaps. And perhaps not.”
Seras growled, certain the interloper was taunting her. “Get out of my head.”
“You must stop taking offense with honesty. It is a gift to be cherished, not rejected.”
“I see no reason why I must listen to someone taunting me with my failures.”
The other woman’s expression softened. “I am not taunting you. I am simply saying you have a chance to succeed. If you are willing to sacrifice.”
Seras stiffened. Was this a trap? “What kind of sacrifice?” she asked cautiously.
But she did not receive an answer. “What are you willing to sacrifice? To get a chance stop this atrocity from happening?”
“Everything,” Seras answered honestly.
“You would sacrifice your life?”
“If I have to yes. I am not afraid to die.”
A slow smile curved soft pink lips as the multi armed figure held out one right hand with a swastika painted in the palm. Seras was reminded of the true origin of the symbol, how the Nazis had perverted the meaning in their quest for racial supremacy. Once upon a time it was a symbol of well being and good luck, of permanent victory. In Buddhism the swastika was a symbol of good fortune, prosperity, abundance and eternity.
“Then are you willing to walk with me Seras Victoria?”
“Walk to where?”
“To a second chance. To make things right.”
The old Seras would have reflexively followed, trusting anyone offering hope, a chance. The new Seras hesitated.
“Why?”
“Why?”
“Why do you care? I’m a vampire. We kill humans and drink blood. I’m trying to save other vampires.”
“All beings have a role in existence. Even vampires.”
Seras blinked. Lo Pein had told her this repeatedly but deep down she didn’t believe. Too many years of being indoctrinated in Christianity. “We aren’t damned?”
“All creatures are damned to cycles of life and rebirth. Vampires have longer cycles before being reborn.”
Seras shook her head. “Why do you care?”
“Humans are not meant for physical immortality. They are meant to live their allotted life spans and die. If they haven’t attained the necessary level of spiritual clarity they must be reborn to learn in a new life.” Gentle brown eyes hardened. “Your Master’s Master has perverted the cycle in her efforts to avoid death. For immortality one must sacrifice, not use short cuts, not steal from others.”
“Vampires steal,” Seras murmured. “We steal blood from the living.”
“Vampires are predators. Your prey are humans.” Red eyes widened in shock. “Do you begrudge the lion for hunting the gazelle? The polar bear for killing the seal? To feed?”
“It’s wrong to kill!”
“You kill to protect, to defend, to save lives.”
“Every soldier does that, to save their comrades, the civilians of their nation.”
“But soldiers blindly obey orders. They do not choose to make a stand against their own leaders, to draw a line and say ‘No More!’ Like you have done Seras Victoria.”
Seras debated her options. She could tell the intruder to take a short walk off a pier and try to break out the mental trap. Or she could take a leap of faith. Seras inhaled deeply.
“Will you lie to me?”
“Never. I will with hold information but I will not lie.”
“Do you truly mean to help me save my Master?”
“Yes.”
Seras hesitated. With her next words she could be committing herself to a course of action that could end in her death. Then she remembered Alucard and her fears faded away.
“What do I have to do?”
The other woman held out the same hand with the painted swastika in the palm. “Take my hand and walk with me Seras Victoria.”
Seras obeyed and the world dissolved into white.