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"Art is the only serious thing in the world. And the artist is the only person who is never serious." — Oscar Wilde
Albedo is insufferable.
It all starts when Klee lets it slip that her brother supposedly loves painting the Cavalry Captain in his free time. Maybe Kaeya believes her. Maybe he doesn’t. It does not really matter though, seeing as he gets to see one of Albedo’s sketches with his own two eyes, and well… It seems that Klee has a very different idea of what Albedo’s best work is.
A circle and an eyepatch.
That is all that lies in the alchemist’s most recent sketchbook page—or rather, many, many circles. All of which have eyepatches. Because of course they do.
“Something the matter, Captain?”
Albedo barely looks up from his research as he asks the question, but Kaeya can hear the tease in his voice, he can feel it. There used to be a time when he didn’t quite get the alchemist—back when he thought Albedo only took pleasure in solitude, when really, he only needed time to adjust—but now Kaeya can pick up the cues in his voice as easily as he breathes air.
“Not your best work, is it?” Kaeya asks and raises the sketchbook so Albedo can see what he is looking at, even though he’s sure he already knows.
Albedo places down a test tube and crosses his arms. “I thought you’d be flattered.”
He is. He is flattered. He is flattered and it’s stupid, because something as childish as Albedo pulling a prank on him is making his heart throb a thousand times per second, but he can’t help it, as most things when it comes to the other captain.
“Should I be?”
Albedo smiles and goes back to his work without another word.
When did grabbing lunch at Good Hunter with Klee and Albedo become a weekly occurrence for Kaeya, he’s not sure. Lately, however, it’s been more of an everyday thing. Unless Albedo is in the middle of an experiment (even though Kaeya finds himself dragging him off his lab to eat something anyway) or up in Dragonspine (Kaeya still has lunch with Klee, and has even attempted going up the damn mountain himself once or twice).
Klee is drawing with her crayons, her Fisherman’s Toast forgotten next to her masterpiece as she focuses. Albedo isn’t much different; he and Kaeya are sharing some Sticky Honey Roast today, but the alchemist seems to be focusing on a report that he insisted on bringing along. Kaeya doesn’t pry, because he knows that sometimes, Albedo’s work actually can’t wait.
Still, this is nice. Having lunch with the two siblings, even in silence, is easily one of Kaeya’s favorite pastimes these days.
“I am finished,” Albedo announces after a while, and Kaeya only realises he has been staring at him when the alchemist raises his eyebrow at him.
Kaeya clears his throat, stuffing his mouth with another bite of roast. “Glad to hear.”
Albedo smiles, placing his notes to the side, and Kaeya is either seeing things, or there really is what he thinks there is in the corner of the paper. He picks it up, and surely, there it is; next to Albedo’s extremely detailed alchemic notes, there is that dumb circle with the string again.
“You can’t be serious.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Albedo.”
“Klee, eat your lunch,” Albedo turns his attention to his sister, as if he hasn’t been neglecting his food as well. To draw.
Klee gasps, as if suddenly remembering to eat. “I am sorry, Big Brother Albedo!” she says, immediately picking up her toast. “Klee completely forgot because she was so focused on her drawing!”
“You’re not the only one,” Kaeya mumbles, and Albedo glares at him although there’s no real malice in it.
“It’s okay, Klee. Just remember to eat next time too,” Albedo says and pushes a strand of hair that has become loose off her face. “May I see it?”
Klee nods excitedly, her mouth too full of her favorite food to speak. Albedo picks up the drawing—probably saving it from a waterfall of crumbs as well—and examines it carefully.
“Is that me and Sir Kaeya?”
Now, Kaeya’s interest is piqued.
“Let me see,” he says, holding out his hand, and Albedo passes him the drawing from across the table. Lo and behold, Albedo’s words ring true; in the middle of the paper, there are two figures that strongly resemble the two captains, clumsily painted in their respective colors; blue for Kaeya and yellow for Albedo. Something grows in Kaeya’s chest.
“This is wonderful, Klee,” Kaeya says truthfully.
Klee swallows her food hard before responding. Kaeya is briefly reminded of Jean scolding her over talking with her mouth full just a few weeks ago. “Klee worked very hard on this!” she says, grinning from ear to ear. She gestures for Kaeya to bring the drawing closer, and points between the figures. “Klee made you hold hands because you are so close!”
Kaeya is so grateful he was not eating any food when that sentence came out of the Spark Knight’s mouth.
He rests his cheek on his hand, pressing his lips tightly together. “Is that so?”
Klee nods again, completely unaware of Kaeya’s rapidly rising temperature. “Big Brother Albedo says it helps to think of an idea in your head before you start drawing!” she says proudly. “Oh! But Klee painted Big Brother Kaeya in her own way, because Klee knows he complains all the time about how Albedo draws him.”
He feels like he’s being held in a chokehold by a child that keeps exposing his secrets, but he can’t help but let go of a quiet laugh. When he turns to look at Albedo, however, the alchemist is looking the other way, focusing his attention on the roast.
Why has he gone quiet all of a sudden?
“Tell me, Albedo, is it true what they say about artists?”
Despite the shivering cold of Dragonspine, despite the miles he had to cross to get here from the city, despite the miles he will have to walk to get back, despite the Chief Alchemist’s often stoic profile, despite his dismissiveness of Kaeya, despite the god-awful sketches that he has started seeing in his worst nightmares, despite it all.
Kaeya keeps coming back for more.
There is also the fact that he has been assigned to take out a Lawachurl camp not too far from Albedo’s lab. However, that’s ancient history now—well, assuming ten minutes’ time can be considered historic in any way.
“Stay still, please, Sir Kaeya,” Albedo says, wrapping Kaeya’s wrist in a bandage.
It is nothing serious; barely even a sprain, nothing Kaeya cannot deal with on his own, but Albedo just so happened to notice his hold on his sword grow weak when he came by his lab, and there is nothing stopping the alchemist once he has set his mind to something. He practically ordered Kaeya to take off his glove so he could take a better look at it.
At least, Kaeya now has an excuse to stay.
In fair honesty, he was not even expecting to find Albedo alone up in the mountain today. He was under the impression Sucrose was going to be assisting him with his research, but, as oh so kindly explained by Albedo, the experiment had been postponed to the following week. Kaeya has no complaints about this turn of events. It is rather difficult to run into Albedo when he is not busy, but even harder to catch a moment alone with him. After all, everyone is looking to finish their business with him in that short window of time.
An abrupt rush of pain shoots through Kaeya’s wrist.
Perhaps he undervalued the severity of his injury a little bit.
“What do they say, then?”
“Hm?”
“About artists.”
Kaeya looks at the alchemist in surprise. But Albedo is not staring back at him. His attention is still on the bandage, steadily wrapping Kaeya’s hand. Kaeya becomes too aware, suddenly, of the fact that his glove is not the only piece of fabric forgotten on Albedo’s desk. The alchemist has also freed himself of his handwear, and Kaeya can feel his skin grazing his own as he works.
He knows he is the one that brought up the topic in the first place, but suddenly, his mind goes blank. What do they say about artists?
There is only one thing that goes through his head at the moment.
Oh, Kaeya thinks. His hands are soft.
“Ah. Another one.”
“So you have noticed.”
“Hard not to, when it is on every report you pass onto me.”
“Do you like it?”
“So much, Albedo.” Kaeya physically feels the sarcasm pouring from his own voice, like dripping water. “So much.”
“How about this one?”
Kaeya cannot believe he managed to get Albedo drunk.
Well. You could hardly call him drunk. They are spending the evening in Kaeya’s office, with a bottle of dandelion wine that the Cavalry Captain keeps for occasions like this, but it is the first time Kaeya has seen Albedo consume more than a sip of alcohol. The last time, he thinks, was at a formal meeting with Mondstadt’s big clans and the Knights, sponsored by none other than the Dawn Winery. Today, the alchemist lets Kaeya pour him a second glass with no complaints. He is still considered sober.
Regardless, the playfulness with which Albedo slips a piece of paper into Kaeya’s hands is not present in his voice normally.
Kaeya holds out the paper, pretending to be surprised when he is met with yet another clumsy doodle of him.
“You’re getting better at this, Chief Alchemist.”
As Kaeya lets the drawing rest on the coffee table in front of them, he catches the faintest hint of a smile spread across Albedo’s lips. The alchemist is either completely unaware of it, or is purposefully taking another sip of his drink to hide it. Kaeya cannot decide which scenario he likes best.
He picks up his glass for a sip of his own, and makes himself comfortable on the couch again. There is a considerable amount of distance separating him and Albedo, but for every piece of paper or glass that passed between them, that distance closes.
Kaeya decides to humor him. “Perhaps you should pursue this professionally.”
Albedo makes a face, as if he is seriously considering Kaeya’s words.
“Then I believe I would need a model.”
Archons, Albedo. Kaeya exhales too sharply, too loud, and he hides behind his drink to save himself—from what, he is not sure. It is not as if Albedo didn’t hear him.
“Ah…”
At the sound of his voice, Kaeya allows himself one more glimpse of Albedo. This time, there is no denying the fact that he is smiling—but unlike before, there is something melancholic about it.
“Perhaps… I got carried away,” Albedo says, putting his glass down. Kaeya is not sure whether he is talking about the wine or his comment. “Apologies.”
“Nothing to be sorry for.” Kaeya offers him a smile. “No harm in sharing a laugh between coworkers, yeah?”
“I… yes, of course.”
“Besides, I think we both know you are already a professional in both of your fields,” Kaeya rambles on. He barely keeps track of his own words—all he wants is to leave that awkward silence behind. “You do illustrate for that writer in Liyue, do you not?”
“Kaeya,” says Albedo, “I… was actually meaning to talk to you about that.”
An unnerving feeling creeps up Kaeya’s back.
“Are you familiar with The Five Kasen?”
Kaeya shakes his head.
Albedo nods. “I was not either, up until recently,” he says. “They were artists; poets, for the most part. They are celebrated in Inazuma.”
“Oh?” Kaeya says, but still does not understand what this has to do with him. “What has gotten our dear alchemist interested in Inazuman history, all of a sudden?”
In response, Albedo smiles. It’s thin. Subtle. (Perfect.)
“The Irodori festival, as it is called, was originally meant to celebrate poetry. But now that Inazuma’s borders are open again, there will supposedly be displays from all over Teyvat.”
Now that Albedo mentions it, Kaeya does remember hearing some knights talk about an upcoming festival in Inazuma’ the first since the lift of the Sakoku Decree. It is no wonder the subject has piqued Albedo’s interest.
“Zhenyu and I were invited to present his book.”
The alchemist has let his glass rest on his legs, hands softly wrapped around it. His gaze is pinned on the wine, no longer paying mind to Kaeya, but Kaeya cannot take his eyes off him. He could listen to Albedo talk all day; about the festival, about alchemy, about anything.
“And aside from that… I was asked to create the paintings for the main exhibit.”
Kaeya blinks.
Then blinks again.
He blinks enough times that his head almost starts aching, and apparently loses focus. Because suddenly, he is face-to-face with the alchemist, and he has nothing to say. He is simply in awe.
“Albedo, this is… this is huge.”
In awe of the man in front of him. In awe of what he has accomplished.
A warm sensation blooms in Kaeya’s chest, and he breaks into a smile. To his delight, Albedo soon joins him.
“It is, isn’t it?”
They laugh—genuinely, genuinely laugh, and it gets Kaeya drunker than the wine. He feels like he’s flying, or maybe he’s just falling. He cannot tell anymore. All he knows is that his heart beats the loudest here, next to Albedo, and to walk away now would mean to leave it behind. He doomed himself to this the moment he first shook the alchemist’s hand, and it is too late to crawl out whole now.
“Is it weird to say I’m proud of you?” he finds himself asking, after they have both calmed down and their glasses are set on the table.
“Why would it be weird?”
Kaeya shrugs. “It’s not as if I had anything to do with your art,” he says, and quickly glances at the long-forgotten doodles on the table. “Case and point.” Albedo rolls his eyes are him.
A thought suddenly crosses Kaeya’s mind.
“And yet… you went out of your way to break me the news personally,” he says. “Why?”
Silence follows the question, but there is no urgent need for it to be filled like before. Kaeya can tell that Albedo is simply thinking.
“You mentioned something, a few moments ago,” Albedo begins. “I believe your exact words were that there is ‘no harm in sharing a laugh between two coworkers.’”
Kaeya sees no reason to answer. He is certain Albedo is confident in his words without his confirmation anyway.
“We have known each other for long years, Kaeya.”
And there is something, something about the way Albedo says his name that makes Kaeya’s heart stop for a second. Just one second, but it is more than enough to rewire every vein in his body and make it so his blood boils.
“I find that ‘coworkers’ is a bit of an outdated term to describe our relationship, don’t you?”
And Kaeya’s voice is quiet, yet hoarse, when he responds, “Of course.”
He is not sure which one of them it is that shifts closer, pressing their knees together. He is not sure of anything anymore. Even through the fabric of their clothes, he can feel his body's warmth. He does not think it’s possible for a person to be as flustered as he is now.
He has to fix this. Before he gives into something he can’t take back.
“Well… as your friend,” Kaeya begins, but the word feels bitter in his mouth, “I would advise against turning the Kasen into three-stroke doodles.”
Albedo’s lips turn upwards.
“Ah.”
Archons.
“Don’t worry, Captain.”
Will there ever be a day that Kaeya will get enough of his smile?
“Those are only reserved for you.”
Neither of them addresses their hands, slowly clasping on top of their legs.
Life keeps reminding Kaeya not to take things for granted, and Kaeya keeps covering his ears.
Exhibit A: his breaks.
Kaeya is lucky enough to work both on-field and off-field, which usually means he gets to organize his own schedule. As long as he gets the work done, there are usually no complaints from Jean when he goes on his third walk of the day.
Oh, how he wishes he had appreciated the streets of Mondstadt while he could.
The Ordo has never been as busy as it currently is. They haven’t seen this many abyss camps since Stormterror, not to mention the piles of reports on everyone’s desks. Kaeya would miss the tavern, if he actually had time to think.
Exhibit B: The Chief Alchemist.
Albedo has only been gone to Inazuma for three days now, but they feel like weeks. There is something odd about passing by Albedo’s lab to find it empty, even though it is not an uncommon occurrence considering his camp in Dragonspine. If that’s not all, Klee has gone with him as well. Without the girl, there is hardly anyone around to remind him of his presence, yet Kaeya constantly misses his company.
Maybe it is for the better, he thinks. There’s too much work to be done, and Albedo happens to be an excellent distraction.
Still… doing paperwork, even in his own office, feels different when Albedo is in Headquarters. It’s like Kaeya can sense his absence. Which is distracting him. Again.
“So irritating…” Kaeya mutters, slamming his head on his desk.
From the corner of his eye, he catches glimpse of his report. He is making note of the rations that will need to be taken on tomorrow’s expedition, and although the paper is filled with notes, its corners feel oddly empty.
Perhaps…
Kaeya sits back up. Takes ahold of his pencil. Places its end on the edge of the paper.
Three strokes.
He is no artist, but surely, he does not need to be for what he is about to do.
One for the face…
His circle is wobbly, and perhaps a bit too big, but his subject—missing, but perfectly engraved in the Captain’s memory—needs space to keep all these thoughts of his.
… one for the smile…
It looks nothing like him.
It’s not supposed to, but it angers Kaeya anyway.
Perhaps he’ll cheat. Add a nose. Eyes. Maybe even stop by the meeting room to take a better look at the photograph of all the Captains hanging on the wall, just to make sure he gets them right. Would he be able to, though? Capture Albedo’s elegance on paper? It does not really matter. Because the truth is, he doesn’t want a stupid doodle of Albedo to look at—he wants Albedo, and he’s a whole ocean away, and who knows when he is coming back?
… and one from throwing the pencil across the table in frustration.
This morning, Lisa had told him he looked awful.
He took no offense to it. He doesn’t think any Knight has looked like a person these days. Although the biggest part of the past two weeks’ crisis has been dealt with, there is still a significant amount of work left.
But today, it rains.
Kaeya does not like the rain. It’s messy, and loud, and his Vision painfully stings by his side when it does.
This is why he cannot bring himself to be too upset when today’s expedition gets called off.
He knows this means more work for tomorrow, but for now, there is nothing he can do about it. He is ahead in paperwork—he knows Jean hasn’t asked him anything like it, but Kaeya can see how stressed she’s been lately. Well. More so than usual. Whatever weight he can take off her shoulders, he will.
For now, however, he decides to take Lisa’s advice, and rest.
Usually, he would take this opportunity to visit the shops, or perhaps the tavern, but he would rather stay in his office where it’s dry. (After all, he has a sneaking suspicion that a certain bartender may not like the rain much either.)
He supposes it was about time he caught up on his book.
Kaeya struggles to get off his boots and climbs on the couch, making himself as comfortable as he can in the small space. He places a pillow on the arm of the couch to put his back against, and rests his book on his legs; String of Pearls, the title reads. He borrowed this one from the library, and though the story is interesting, he hasn’t had time to read in a while.
He fiddles with the book, flipping the pages till he finds his bookmark, and—
Oh.
That is not his bookmark.
At least, that’s not how Kaeya remembers it to look.
He has always used random pieces of paper to mark the page he has left off, but it seems a certain alchemist has gotten his hands on this one while he wasn’t looking. What should be a white piece of paper is filled with sketches; of flowers, candles—Albedo had been drawing a lot of candles around the time he left, Kaeya had noticed—and butterflies. And surely, when he flips the bookmark to the other side, Kaeya sees his not-so-much-of-a-portrait waiting for him.
What he was not expecting was for there to be a message.
‘Stop reading with the lights off. It strains your eyes.’
The drawings are enough of a giveaway on their own, but Kaeya recognizes Albedo’s handwriting immediately. He finds himself tracing his hand over it, reading it again, and again, just these two simple sentences.
He had missed seeing his writing. His sketches. Him.
How many weeks has this been sitting in Kaeya’s book without his knowledge?
Kaeya finds that it hurts to move. To breathe. There’s a tremor in his hands, but it’s nothing compared to the pumps of his heart. It aches. Kaeya starts worrying that it will never beat normally again.
He closes his eyes, because the more he looks at the bookmark in his hand, the more he feels like he is about to shatter.
It’s not the first time he’s felt this way.
When they share good mornings, and Albedo looks so sleepy, slurring his words, bearly able to look ahead, that it is comical. When they smile at each other across the table during long meetings—or when they happen to pick seats that are side by side, and their fingers brush under the table. When they take their break together with Klee, at Good Hunter or down at Starfell Lake. When they pull all-nighters doing paperwork, with quiet conversation about the other Knights, or their family, or the memory of a home that no longer exists.
When Kaeya looks at him, and Albedo does not look away. He has no idea what it does to him—if he did, Kaeya likes to think that he would be merciful enough to stop.
He closes his eyes, because the more he looks at the bookmark in his hand—the more he thinks of him, the more he starts to shatter.
How foolish, for a man burdened with the secrets of the stars, to fall not because of the conflict he is destined to face, but because he is in love.
A breathy laugh escapes him.
“Dammit, Albedo…”
Kaeya Alberich has always been a romantic, at least.
When he does start reading, it takes him ten whole minutes to realise he has not retained a single word.
“Also, I found the soil in Watatsumi particularly interesting. It’s dry—even drier than Dragonspine’s. Barely anything grows there, aside from the Sea Ganoderma. Then again, that’s to be expected, I suppose… the island is surrounded by seawater. It also had a significantly higher number of specters, compared to the rest of the islands. I tried to look into their origin a bit, but all the locals could tell me were about their measures against them. Perhaps, if I ever find myself visiting Inazuma in the future, I could…”
In all honesty, Kaeya has no idea what Albedo is talking about.
It’s not as if Albedo is bad at explaining things—if anything, Kaeya finds that the alchemist is an excellent teacher. The issue at hand is that he has not seen Albedo in nearly a month, and the sound of his voice alone is too much for his brain to process.
Technically, Kaeya got to see Albedo the day before as well. It was only for a brief moment, however, as he immediately excused himself to rest. Kaeya does not blame him; not only must the trip in itself have been exhausting, but the constant conversation as well. Kaeya is perfectly aware of the strain being around people puts on the alchemist, and to his understanding, he hasn’t had a moment alone since the day he left Mondstadt a month ago.
Nevertheless, a mere day of rest is all it takes for Albedo to be back on his feet.
It was actually he that sought Kaeya out this morning. Despite Jean giving him the week off to settle down, Albedo showed up in Kaeya’s office to let him know he would be in his lab.
It dooms them both.
What was supposed to be a promise to catch up later has brought forward hours’ worth of conversation. How Mondstadt has been bearing without Albedo and Klee, the Adventurers’ Guild, the Knights, the Church… And in return, Kaeya hears about Albedo’s trip. The festival, The Five Kasen, Albedo and Xingqiu’s book, Albedo and Klee’s visit to the other islands…
It wasn’t until his stomach started rumbling that Kaeya realised he has not touched a single report today.
This is how the two captains find themselves walking back to Headquarters, a trip to Good Hunter’s later—Kaeya’s treat, despite Albedo’s protests.
“There have not been sightings of Cryo Specters in a while, but they do exist. I wonder if they would be viable to survive in Dragonspine. The conditions are different, but are said to thrive in cold environments, and not just humid like the other ones.”
“Please tell me you did not somehow end up carrying a specter here.”
Albedo barely even looks at him as he responds. “Not at all. I managed to get ahold of one of their hearts for Sucrose, though. It should be enough of a sample for some interesting findings.”
He goes on about his observations for a while. Aside from specters, Kaeya also learns about Sango Pearls and how much they fascinated the little Spark Knight. He hasn’t had time to catch up with Klee yet, so it seems he will be hearing about Watatsumi again very soon.
It must be true, what they say about timing going fast when you are having fun, because they reach Albedo’s lab in what feels like seconds.
“Seems like we have reached your stop.”
Kaeya steps aside to make space for Albedo, and the alchemist reaches for the doorknob. He does not open the door to his laboratory just yet, however.
“I… am now realising that perhaps I spoke a bit longer than I should have.”
Albedo’s voice is quiet, but he does not try to hide his words from Kaeya—he is flustered, Kaeya notes. The avoidant gaze, the flushed cheeks… It’s a foreign look on the alchemist’s face, but one Kaeya has had the pleasure of seeing before nonetheless.
“Nonsense,” says Kaeya, and it actually makes Albedo smile. “I await to hear more, later, have you anything to share.”
Something shifts in Albedo’s eyes, but Kaeya cannot quite place what it is.
“This was nice,” Albedo says. “The Traveler prepared some Sweet Madames for everyone in Inazuma, but…”
Albedo trails off, but Kaeya hums in agreement anyway. Despite not having taken a step outside Mondstadt all this time, lunch has not tasted this sweet in ages.
Still… The tone of his voice just now, it matches all too well with the skeptical gaze—that is what Kaeya decides he should call it—on his face.
“Something the matter?” he finds himself asking. To his surprise, Albedo does not protest in giving him an answer.
“I… think I may not be ready to go back to work, after all.”
Kaeya laughs.
“You? Not wanting to work? Albedo, dear, are you sure you are feeling okay?”
Despite the teasing tone, Kaeya feels a little concerned. Even Klee, the most energetic person Kaeya knows, is still knocked out cold from the trip, and Albedo is not exactly unknown for pushing himself over his limits.
“I feel well,” Albedo says, his hand still lingering on the doorknob.
Why does he sound even more uncertain than before?
“But…”
Kaeya raises an eyebrow. “But?”
“Would it be pushing my luck if I were to ask you to stay for a bit longer?”
Oh.
That…
Oh.
For the first time in weeks, Kaeya finds himself wholly, utterly speechless.
He does not know how he manages to keep his composure—perhaps he doesn’t. He does not trust himself to tell the passage of time, not when Albedo is looking at him like that, like he’s expecting something, and oh, Kaeya is truly done for, because he wants to give him everything.
“My, Albedo… If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you missed me.”
It’s silence that follows.
Perhaps Albedo did have an answer in store for him, but Kaeya’s face is already at a boiling stage, so he does not give him enough time to voice it. The sound of him clearing his throat is a bit more audible than he would like.
“Lead the way,” Kaeya says, and Albedo nods.
They don’t go into his lab. Instead, Albedo leads them to his office, right across from Kaeya’s. It is unoccupied, most of the time, seeing as most of his duties require hands-on work, and Kaeya knows that he carries his paperwork with him wherever he goes anyway.
Even so, his office is not at all tidy.
Albedo has not outright said it, but Kaeya suspects he uses it as a storage room. There are boxes in every corner; years ago, Kaeya had assumed he just hadn’t had time to settle in his new position yet, but the boxes only seemed to multiply. Close to the bookshelf, there are some canvases and art supplies, and alchemy tools occupy every table, as well as the couch. They must be harmless, though, seeing as Klee’s coloring books sit right next to them. In spite of the mess, Kaeya has no doubt in his mind that Albedo can navigate all of it perfectly.
There is one thing that holds Kaeya’s attention.
On Albedo’s desk, which is the least chaotic surface in the room, lies his sketchbook.
It’s new. Or, at least, it used to be before Albedo left for Inazuma. Albedo tends to sketch whatever piques his interest, and if the amount of talking he did today is anything to go by, he must have found himself a lot of subjects.
“May I?”
“Oh.” Albedo pauses when he realises what Kaeya is pointing at. “If you’d like.”
Kaeya smiles, taking the sketchbook in his hands. He leans on Albedo’s desk, deciding not to sit down just yet.
He flips to the first page.
As he guessed, the first sketches date back to before Albedo’s trip. Kaeya can’t help but feel a little nostalgic seeing his handiwork. So far, studies of candle holders are what is taking up most of the first pages.
Then, slowly, more things start to appear.
A ship. Some waves. Klee and Dodoco, as well as some doodles that he assumes were drawn by her during their trip. There are flowers Kaeya doesn’t recognize, some of them labeled, some of them not. Trees that branch out in directions Mondstadt’s cedars don’t. A sketch of the Traveler and Paimon, and even a few of Venti, although the last one looks much more fleshed out than the others.
There are other people in the drawings. A boy that often appears with books, a man surrounded by maple leaves—this is how Albedo has annotated them—a woman with a paper fan. After sketching them a few times, drawings composed in a similar way as the last one of Venti’s follow.
“The Five Kasen?” Kaeya asks.
“The concept sketches, yes,” Albedo replies from the other side of the room, without looking. It has always amazed Kaeya, how he knows the contents of his sketchbook to heart.
Kaeya smiles. “I wish I could have seen them on canvas.”
Albedo returns it. “The Traveler said they would make copies of the photographs, next time they visit.”
“Still,” Kaeya says. “I am sure they were spectacular up close.”
There it is again.
That look, that something, in Albedo’s eyes.
But before Kaeya has any time to investigate, his gaze falls on the next page of his sketchbook.
Wavy hair, wide smirk, an eyepatch.
It’s him.
And not one of those stupid doodles Albedo passes around—although he did see, and made the conscious decision of ignoring, many of those throughout the sketchbook—it’s an actual sketch of him. It’s like looking into a mirror, except he doesn’t look nearly as good in real life.
It had dawned on Kaeya, one day, that if Albedo goes out of his way to fill his lab notes with sketches of him, even if it is merely to tease him, then he must think of him in his absence. It’s a silly thought. Kaeya knows this. But when Albedo halts outside Kaeya’s door to add that final touch to his report, he can’t help but want it to mean something.
But this… this is. New.
Kaeya has never prayed to Archons. But at that moment, he prays. He prays this is what he thinks it is. Prays he is not sending his heart out to grieve something he doesn’t and will never have. Prays the next sentence that comes out of his mouth is not something stupid.
“I got your bookmark.”
God fucking dammit.
Albedo is the Captain of the Investigation Team for a reason; he is perceptive, much more than the average person. So, there is no doubt in Kaeya’s mind that he can also sense the sudden tension in the room.
And yet, he smiles. As if it isn't there.
(As if he wants Kaeya’s heart to burst.)
Kaeya coughs. “May I ask what’s with the sudden interest in candles?”
“I’m afraid I don’t have an interesting answer for you,” Albedo says. “I just happened to notice the candle holders in the Cathedral are not the same as the ones at Headquarters, and wished to study them.”
“I see…”
Albedo nods, and goes back to tidying something in his drawer.
“So then… why me?”
The alchemist pauses.
He does not turn to look at Kaeya at first, but Kaeya can tell this is not a question he was expecting. In truth, he was not planning on asking about it either—but the words left his lips before he had any time to think about it.
“You… confuse me.”
“Oh.” Ouch.
“And also fascinate me in ways I cannot say.”
“… Oh.” Oh.
Albedo is finally looking at Kaeya, but Kaeya can’t bring himself to meet his gaze for more than a second. He feels too seen. Too vulnerable. Even though this is precisely what he wanted.
He glances at the sketchbook in his hands, at his portrait, as if there is anything left there to memorize. His hands trace the paper’s surface, gently so the pencil won’t smudge, but he quickly realises Albedo has gone over it with ink.
“Kaeya.”
“Hm?” is all he manages to get out.
“I did miss you.”
His breath wavers.
Albedo missed him. He knows—of course he knows. He would not have spent the whole day with him if he hadn’t. So why does it feel so astonishing to hear?
“I think I still do.”
Kaeya’s body shivers. He lets go of a breathy laugh, but there is only a hint of a smile that goes along with it.
“But I am right here.”
Kaeya almost doesn’t recognize his own voice. He wants to tease the alchemist, for saying something so unreasonable, but is it really? Albedo is leaning against the desk beside him, but all Kaeya can think of is how come he never noticed how awfully long a two-step distance can be.
“Not close enough.”
His heart aches.
Kaeya has never been good at being vulnerable. But he is good at being selfish. And he wants this—needs this.
It aches, but it feels good.
He shifts closer to the alchemist, their shoulders pressed together. The rest of his body goes numb, and yet he remains standing. Kaeya is briefly reminded of that night in his office before Albedo left, when they shared laughs and secrets and held hands, as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
“And now?”
Kaeya’s voice is barely above a whisper.
Albedo is the one who turns to face him. His fingers trace Kaeya’s arm along with his gaze, and Kaeya lets them. He is being studied. And once Albedo begins working, there is no stopping until he is finished.
Albedo’s touch is so gentle that Kaeya almost doesn’t realise he is being pulled down. It’s like he is naturally drawn to him. Maybe he is. Or maybe he is just a fool.
He loves it.
Kaeya shuts his eyes, but when they kiss, he swears he sees the stars.
It’s chaste. Warm. So it cannot be the stars he is seeing, because it’s supposed to be cold up there. Perhaps, then, he is somewhere else. Someplace created just for them, where gravity works differently, because his heart feels so light in his chest he almost can’t breathe.
He has never felt so defenseless as he does with his face between Albedo’s delicate hands.
Albedo keeps leading him down, and Kaeya follows, gently wrapping his arms around him. A hum escapes the alchemist, and oh, isn’t that a lovely sound. Kaeya wants to hear more of it, all the time, but for now, there are other things to discover; such as the sight of Albedo after being kissed.
But Kaeya barely gets any time to observe.
“If… if you turn to the back of the sketchbook, there’s more.”
It has barely been a second since they have parted, and Albedo is speaking already. Kaeya is still too drunk on his lips to process any of it. “More of…?”
“You.”
“Albedo,” Kaeya hisses. He did not think it was possible for his cheeks to grow any warmer.
“I love sketching you,” Albedo continues, his hand pushing a strand of hair off Kaeya’s face. “You’re so… alluring.”
Kaeya sighs, closing his eyes. He brings his hand to cup Albedo’s, and gently kisses his wrist.
“I don’t suppose there is any particular reason as to why something ‘alluring’ is in the very back of your sketchbook?”
Albedo gasps, looking away. Kaeya does not think he has ever seen him this flustered before. He thinks he may be a little bit too in love with this side of the alchemist.
“People tend to ask to peak inside when they see someone carrying a sketchbook,” Albedo mumbles. From the way he quietens, Kaeya assumes his words actually bear truth in them. An incident in Inazuma, perhaps?
Kaeya doesn’t know what possesses him when he leans down to kiss Albedo below his eye.
“I would like to see,” he says, stroking his cheek. “If that’s okay with you.”
Albedo leans into Kaeya’s touch, his eyes only half closed. He looks serene. Kaeya has never seen him like this before. Even then, the way he stares back at Kaeya is familiar. Like this sense of longing has always been there, but it was Kaeya who was too blind to decipher it.
“You can look at them later.”
Albedo pulls Kaeya down by the collar of his shirt, and though it catches the Cavalry Captain by surprise, there is no aggression in it.
“We’re busy now.”
And as Albedo leans in to kiss him again, Kaeya thinks this is okay. He has waited years and years to see Albedo’s sketches of him, after all. What’s a little more time in comparison?