Chapter Text
2:02 AM
Dazai has created [Welcome to Super Hell]
Dazai has added Tony Tiger, Grumpy Cat, and 11 other contacts
Dazai has changed their nickname
Mackerelmore: my duty as The insomniac agent of chaos has been fulfilled
Mackerelmore: now i pass tf out
7:00 AM
Tony Tiger: i have so many questions
Tony Tiger: like,,,who are over half these people? And why is my name like this?
Tony Tiger: Plz dont tell me this is my contact name on ur phone dazai-san…
Ginger Olaf: i also have questions
Tony Tiger: TANIZAKI-SAN???
Ginger Olaf: WHY DID YOU RECOGNIZE ME IMMEDIATELY
Tony Tiger: I REMEMBER THE FROZEN INCIDENT TANIZAKI-SAN
Ginger Olaf: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
Lie Detector: LMAO i also remember
Ginger Olaf: I HOPE YOUR GLASSES BREAK
Lie Detector: bruh
Reverse Necromancer: enough with the caps my eyes hurt,,,
Tony Tiger: sorry…
Ginger Olaf: i am decomposing as we speak
Idealer: DAZAI
Tony Tiger: Oh No
Idealer: EXPLAIN YOURSELF @Mackerelmore
Mackerelmore: good morning kunikida-kuuuun 😌
Mackerelmore: i decided to fully unhinge myself and am combining my friend groups into one massive super hell
Lie Detector: pog
Reverse Necromancer: oh god oh fuck
Mackerelmore: on that note, introduction tiiiiime!!!
Mackerelmore: Dazai Osamu here, handsome loveable genius human being and sole threat to the medical economy!!!
Idealer: only one of those is true you fiend
Mackerelmore: wha
Winey: @Idealer is right stop spreading ur fucking lies
Mackerelmore: CHUUYA??? BETRAYING ME LIKE THIS??? 💔
Mackerelmore: u hurt my feelings so now u have to go next!
Winey: u g h
Winey: Nakahara Chuuya, long suffering dormmate of the bandaged asshole, currently hungover and tired, don’t fucking @ me for the next few hours
Reverse Necromancer: MOOD
Reverse Necromancer: well ig if were doing this, ill go next
Reverse Necromancer: Yosano Akiko, doctor to-be with a chainsaw and epic fashion sense, hmu if u get any kind of injury or want to go shopping
Ginger Olaf: dont for the love of god her name is a sign and she makes u carry everything
Reverse Necromancer: pssh party pooper just go already
Ginger Olaf: Tanizaki Junichiro, victim of my own sister AND disney movies, forced to cohabitate with a furry
Tony Tiger: i hate you
Ginger Olaf: what u gonna do shed on me
Tony Tiger: FUCK OFF
Tony Tiger: Nakajima Atsushi, NOT A FURRY I JUST LIKE TIGERS???, no idea what im doing with my life, about to need a new roommate
Ginger Olaf: h u h
Tony Tiger: get OUT of my house
Lie Detector: lmaooo tanizaki has to live with his sister again
Ginger Olaf: u say that like its a bad thing
Lie Detector: it IS a bad thing for the REST OF US
Tony Tiger: on second thought tanizaki-san can stay but ur on thin ice
Mackerelmore: LIKE OLAF?
Reverse Necromancer: LIKE OLAF
Ginger Olaf: PLEASE JUST LET IT DIE
Lie Detector: NO
Idealer: i feel like this is not how any introductions should go
Mackerelmore: on to contrary this is Perfect for super hell
Mackerelmore: WHO IS NEXT
Lie Detector: Edogawa Ranpo, worlds best detective and smeller of bullshit, give me candy or all of ur secrets will be spilt like tea
Tony Tiger: god thats perfect
Reverse Necromancer: also gay af and above gender
Lie Detector: ALSO GAY AF AND ABOVE GENDER
Idealer: sigh…
Idealer: Kunikida Doppo, i live and die by the ideals in my notebook, break the rules i break your bones
Tony Tiger: what
Mackerelmore: …that took a violent turn i honestly didnt expect but OKAY i think thats everyone online rn
Mackerelmore: i GUESS we gotta wait for these other SLACKERS
Tony Tiger: im scared
Ginger Olaf: shaking and crying rn
Lie Detector: embrace the chaos of dazai induced super hell u coward
Reverse Necromancer: his PDSD has gotten too bad hes not gonna make it
Tony Tiger: w,,,what is PDSD
Idealer: Post Dazai Stress Disorder
Reverse Necromancer: KUNIKIDA GETS IT
Tony Tiger: AKAJSKAJAJAKAKA
Ginger Olaf: LMAOOOOOO
Mackerelmore: WHAT
Mackerelmore: GUYS COME OOOON 😭😭😭
Lie Detector: we r all victims-
Winey: POST DAZAI STRESS DISORDER
Winey: FINALLY A NAME FOR MY FUCKING MENTAL ILLNESS
Mackerelmore: oh this is not a safe space suddenly
Idealer: @Winey still not exactly sure who you are or how you know dazai but Same
Winey: 🤝
Idealer: 🤝
Ginger Olaf: DID KUNIKIDA JUST USE AN EMOJI-
Mackerelmore: STOP THIS ACTUALLY HURTS
Winey: give me back my braincells then u fish fucker
Lie Detector: i like this guy
Mackerelmore: im starting to think i made a mistake
Reverse Necromancer: u made ur super hell now lie in it
Mr Glasses: @Winey @Idealer 🤝🤝🤝
Mackerelmore: ANGO WHAT THE FUCK
Mr Glasses: my eyesight has actually worsened since i met you dazai-kun
Mackerelmore: THAT DOESNT MAKE ANY SENSE
Mr Glasses: also i only briefly scrolled through the backlog but i saw something about introductions so…
Mr Glasses: Im Sakaguchi Ango, ive known dazai-kun since he was eighteen, my sanity is in jeopardy bc of that and also bc i am forever deprived of sleep
Winey: bitch ive known him since we were fifteen and i have not known peace since get on my level
Winey: we were also neighbors for a while need i say more
Mr Glasses: my condolences…
Idealer: your fortitude is truly admirable…
Mackerelmore: i-
Mackerelmore: im gonna go jump in the fountain in front of the dorms now bye
Tony Tiger: WAIT NO
Winey: u will NOT
Ginger Olaf: hey wait werent u hungover earlier @Winey???
Winey: i still am but its gotten a bit better
Mackerelmore: thats no good
Winey: drown
Idealer: cant you have enough decency to jump into a body of water NOT under my jurisdiction?
Mackerelmore: thats just another reason for me to do it here~~~
Idealer: DAZAI I SEE YOU
Idealer: DONT RUN IN THE HALLS
Idealer: GET BACK HE R E
Mr Glasses: ive seen enough im going back to bed
Reverse Necromancer: same
Winey: i am also going
Winey: nice to meet u all
Winey: the other guys will probably find the chat later in the day most of their classes r afternoon and evening same as mine
Winey: so thatll be fun
Ginger Olaf: oh good
Lie Detector: shut up olaf this is going to be amazing
Ginger Olaf: one day im gonna snap and when i do no one will be spared