Chapter Text
“You’re exhausting!”
Buck didn’t realize at the time what the cold meant. It didn’t even occur to him to pay attention to it, not when he was staring his Soulmate in the face. Eddie’s eyes were lit with anger, face flushed with it, dark fury twisting his features into some beautifully grotesque picture from which Buck couldn’t look away. He didn’t register the pangs of chill in his body, the way his fingers burned like a thaw ripping through the digits. He didn’t dare consider himself and the ice water running through his veins. Not when Eddie was so angry, spewing these hateful things.
Eddie had spent so long trying to undo those feelings in Buck’s head, trying to convince Buck that he mattered and that he was loved. He supposed it didn’t matter now.
Buck wasn’t sure when he realized Eddie was his Soulmate, but he’d known at the time that he wasn’t Eddie’s. It was rare for Soulmates to be disconnected, though not impossible. Buck should have known that he’d be one of the select few; he should have known he’d be without a Soulmate, he’d be Freezing to death as the warmth seeped out of his soul. In hindsight, he thought he may have, but blind hope kept him from Freezing too early.
Eddie and the team were gone in flash, dealing with an emergency in the parking lot with which Buck couldn’t help. He was nothing but a bystander, useless in the fray, only a hindrance if he tried to help. He barely noticed the way he pulled his jacket tighter around himself; it was early October, it made sense that he’d get a little cold.
Back in his apartment, Buck curled up under the blankets, ignoring the way his fingers again burned as they warmed up, the way his nose ran, his toes felt frigid against his own calves. He didn’t think about it. All he saw in his head was Eddie’s face, all he heard were Eddie’s words, and all he felt was his heart breaking.
***
After a few days, it began to worry him. His doctor hadn’t mentioned anything about feeling cold with the blood thinners, but maybe it was a symptom? Maybe it’d slipped the doctor’s mind as he’d had so much to go through and so many more important patients to whom he needed to attend. Nevertheless, Buck made an appointment with his doctor for later that week as he drowned himself in blankets and sweatshirts and fuzzy socks.
The doctor seemed troubled as Buck described his symptoms, nothing more than an ever-present chill in his bones, a slightly lower body temperature when he checked the thermometer. There were tests, lots of tests, blood drawn and MRIs taken and eventually, hours later, Buck was taken to a small room that spoke of abandonment.
He stared at the machine housed there, feeling something drop heavy in his stomach. “An SS machine?”
The nurse gave him a sympathetic smile. “Just to rule it out.”
He nodded, though he didn’t quite believe it. A Soul Scanner. To check if his soul was dying.
He let the nurses arrange him in the machine and stayed still as the pictures were taken, fighting off the trembling wanting to take over his body as he lay there, uncovered except for a hospital gown. Soon enough, he was back in a hospital room and awaiting the rushed results.
It was barely half an hour before his doctor and another came in, both with grim expressions on their faces. Buck swallowed heavily and waited.
“Buck,” his doctor began slowly, “this is Dr. Gomez. She will be taking over your case for this.”
“Why?” He asked, his voice trembling, either with cold or fear, he wasn’t sure. “Is something wrong?”
“I’m afraid so,” Dr. Gomez answered with a sad smile. “Mr. Buckley, you are Freezing.”
It took a moment for Buck to truly understand what she was saying and what that meant. “I’m dying?”
There was a short pause before Dr. Gomez said, “It’s tricky to say. You have a rigorous case, which seems to be worsening at a very fast pace. I can’t say whether you’ll survive it. But I suggest you get your affairs in order in case the worst happens.”
“Why is mine going so fast?” He asked. “Don’t people usually have months?”
Dr. Gomez nodded. “Usually, yes. However, there are chances where the condition is exacerbated by either the love the individual has for their Soulmate, the Soulmate connection being one-sided, or a lack of support outside of that relationship.”
Right. Of course. “I… I love him more than anything. And I’m not his Soulmate. And I have… no one who loves me anymore.”
Both doctors looked pained. “I’m sorry, Mr. Buckley,” Dr. Gomez said, and she sounded sincere. “I truly am sorry. But you likely won’t have long left.”
Buck left the hospital in a daze, shivering against the wind. He wasn’t sure how he drove home, but he got there before he realized it, sitting in his car as he thought.
They gave him just over three weeks. Barely two weeks before it’d be irreversible.
Buck wanted to go run to Eddie, beg for forgiveness, beg him to love Buck and allow him to live. He wanted to tell Maddie, tell the team, give them a chance to slow the process of his Freezing soul, hold him close and warm him up. He wanted a family to love him in his final days, if the Freeze took over his whole body and left him hypothermic and eventually dead.
The team didn’t want him anymore, they didn’t love him anymore. Maybe they never loved him in the first place. And as for Eddie… Buck knew he wasn’t Eddie’s Soulmate. He knew Eddie wouldn’t deal with the consequences of Buck’s Freeze. He knew he’d disappear from the team’s hearts, if he hadn’t already.
No, Buck would go quietly, without forgiveness, without love, without comfort. He’d spend his final days shivering until his body was so dead he wouldn’t even feel cold anymore, and then he’d let his heart give out as it should have when the truck crushed him into the asphalt. Buck would Freeze over, and the world would be none the wiser.