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It takes two years, two very long and grueling years, but Lance has finally gotten them to the point where they call each other "friend" and it's not weird or forced. Two years of bickering and a one-sided rivalry that he started out of pure jealousy, all comes to an end gradually as missions and training and victory and loss bring the team together, and more importantly, Keith and Lance. With their newly found playful banter and the occasional emotional bonding, Keith is able to genuinely call Lance his friend and it makes his heart soar.
Too bad he wants more.
And by more, he means a lot more. He wants to hold his hand and look at the stars on the command deck, watch stupid space movies that neither of them understand with a bowl of "popcorn" that Hunk insists is just like the real thing (it's very much not.) Not only that, he wants to be able to steal Keith away from the others and drag him off to a dark corner of the castle where nobody will find them. He wants to kiss him.
And, to his never-ending surprise, Keith is acting like he does too. Maybe not the hand holding and the popcorn, but sometimes Lance swears that the other paladin is going to lean in and kiss him. He never does, much to Lance's disappointment. He's too nervous to do it himself. Sure, Keith seems like he wants more too, but that could just be wishful thinking on his part. A misunderstanding of signals that he won't risk trying to decode.
But then, one day while training, Lance manages to get just the right leverage to slam Keith down onto the floor below him, reveling in the grunt of pain he gets before a pale hand wraps around his ankle and makes him lose his balance. He tumbles to the ground, catching himself on his hands and knees before he can crush Keith under him. Their heads smack together painfully and Lance groans at the sharp ache, but it's quickly forgotten when his eyes open and he sees Keith's face, beet red and eyes wide, pupils dilated. There's a hint of sweat on his brow, proof that Lance is managing to challenge him more than usual.
None of that matters, though, because his crush is sprawled out beneath him with his face flushed and his lips parted the tiniest bit, enough that Lance can almost feel his breath as he leans in. Keith's tongue darts out to wet his lips and Lance practically melts. This is his chance. There's absolutely no way he can get out of it if it goes south, but this is the moment he's been waiting for.
Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him.
"Jesus, get a room, why don't you?"
It's Pidge's voice that startles them out of their trance. Lance's head snaps up and he opens his mouth to make some lighthearted snark back at her, but he doesn't get the chance. Keith's eyes narrow and he grabs the other man's arm in a tight grip, using it to flip him over abruptly, and painfully, onto his back so he can jump to his feet. The look of disdain he flashes at Lance stings a little, but not nearly as much as what he says.
"That's fucking gross, Pidge." Where he'd have offered a hand to help Lance up in any other situation, he starts to walk away from him instead, his tone making it very clear how he feels. "Who'd want a room with him?"
He doesn't even move from where Keith discarded him, eyes fixed on the ceiling as Pidge changes the subject to a new weapon she's working on, and he follows her out as she does. He doesn't spare a single glance back at Lance, and waves her off easily when she comments on how they'd been training together.
"He sucks anyways." He's pretty sure he's not supposed to hear it, but Keith's never been good at subtlety or being quiet.
He hears and he hurts.
— — —
The next time he runs into Keith, he fully intends to demand an apology, maybe even confront him about the almost kiss. Maybe.
He doesn't do either, though, because Keith is all Keith-y smiles and back to teasing Lance the way they've come to do. Like everything is normal. Like he's never shown even a hint of the flirty behaviors Lance was apparently misreading. Like he didn't crush Lance's feelings into the metaphorical dirt and pour gasoline over them and set them on fire and-
Okay, maybe he's overreacting a little. But it kills him to see Keith pretending nothing ever happened. It kills him so much, but what's worse is when he starts ignoring Lance soon after. They still talk, though it's almost exclusively when they're around the rest of the team. He stops seeing Keith anywhere else after that, and it makes it very clear that he was misinterpreting all of it, maybe even the friendship he thought they had. Maybe Keith had been sick of him the entire time and he's decided now that he's too obnoxious.
As a result, he sinks back into the shell of a personality he'd constructed to keep others at a distance. It's easy enough to revert back to the smiles and meaningless flirting and faux narcissism. He makes sure to keep everyone else at arm's length, too, after observing that Keith acts the same as he always has with them. Closer, obviously, than they all were in the beginning, but the others have always gotten along fairly well. Without Lance, of course.
Keith’s a walking reminder of that.
— — —
"Do you wanna go swimming?"
It's been an entire two weeks before Keith stops avoiding him one day, surprising him in the common room with the simple question. He asks it in the same tone and with the same friendly- in a Keith way- smile that he would have two weeks ago. Like he hasn't been ignoring him the whole time, and it makes Lance see red.
"Are you serious?"
Keith misses the anger in his voice, nodding. "Yeah, Shiro said we can take the day off, so I-"
"No." Lance has to grit his teeth as he says it, trying to control the temper that wants to lash out at him. "Go find someone else."
"Are you okay?"
Alright, that throws him off a little. Keith? Asking if he's okay? Has he magically picked up on the fact that Lance is upset despite being completely inept when it comes to emotions?
No, he's still an ass.
"Peachy fuckin' keen." He says coolly. "Never been better."
"But, you don't-"
"Didn't I say go find someone else? Why are you still bothering me?"
There's no mistaking the venom in his words this time, and he feels a twist in his gut at the way Keith's expression goes quickly from shock to distress. He looks as hurt as Lance has felt for two weeks, but it doesn't give him the satisfaction he was hoping for. Quite the opposite, regret washes over him, but he can't back down now.
"You're the only person I'd wanna swim with." Keith says it so straightforwardly that Lance's anger falters. "If you don't want to swim, how about some uh…"
He trails off with Lance staring at him, clearly unsure of what to do with those cold blue eyes directed at him. They haven't exactly been friendly over the past couple weeks, but Lance hasn't gotten this aggressive with him in a long time.
"Why are you even talking to me?"
As upset as he still is, the words are starting to lose their sting. Hurting Keith back isn't making him feel any better, but he never really expected it to. It's hard to hang onto all of his frustration when Keith is looking at him like a kicked puppy with his messy waves and violet eyes full of uncertainty. If he looked distressed before, it's even worse now and that's not a face Lance likes seeing.
"We- we're friends." Keith says quietly, but he doesn't sound like he believes it himself.
They are friends. Lance has worked hard trying to get them to that point, to where he can be by Keith's side even if it's not to the extent he wants. He'll take friendship over blatant rejection any day- or at least, that's what he thought before the other paladin's insensitive comment.
Who'd want a room with him?
Who, indeed.
He may not have been trying to hurt Lance's feelings, but it doesn't change how it affected him. In a way, it was worse than Keith's prior words. That's fucking gross. Obviously it's gross, he's never shown any interest in either gender, but Lance figured he was straight. Potential homophobia aside, that second part sounded more personal. Like, of all the people he could've been with, Lance was the last he'd ever want.
And there's still the question of why he avoided him so avidly for two weeks.
"I thought we were friends too." He sighs as he takes a step back, eyeing the couch. This was supposed to be a quick "fuck you, Keith" and now he's stuck actually talking to him. Which should be a good thing. It doesn't seem to be at the moment.
"So, why don't you want to hang out?"
God, he's such an idiot.
"You're seriously the dumbest person on this ship, including the mice."
Keith bristles at the statement. "If you're just gonna be a dick-"
"I'm the dick?" He jabs a finger through the air at him, anger starting to swell again. "You're the dick. You haven't talked to me in weeks!"
"What? That's not-"
"Around the team doesn't count. You're avoiding me!"
"I didn't- I mean, I wasn't trying to…" At a loss for words, Keith stares down at the floor silently for a moment.
At least he's admitting it.
"You weren't trying to, but you did."
"I'm sorry."
"Plus, you were- wait, what?"
Keith's eyes meet his and he flushes. "I was avoiding you. But you didn't do anything wrong."
"You sure about that? Did you just get tired of pretending I'm not a shitty, obnoxious-"
"I don't think that about you."
"You called me gross! You acted like I'm some disease, like why would anyone possibly want to be in a room with me of all people."
"Wh- that's what you're stuck on?"
"Stuck on?" He's absolutely seething again as he steps forward, fists clenching tight by his side so he hopefully won't hit him. "Is it that ridiculous to you that I care about what you think?"
"I didn't think you did."
"What part of all the rivals, competition shit did you miss?"
Keith looks a little taken aback. "I thought you were just- I don't know, not that."
"We've been in space for years, you say we're friends, but it's that shocking to you that I care?"
"I just don't get why , I've called you gross before and- and we've had actual physical fights, so why would that bother you?"
"I don't know, maybe because I look up to you, maybe because you're my teammate and my friend and," Lance is growing more and more worked up as he goes, practically shouting. "Jesus fucking christ, Keith, I like you!"
It slips out unintentionally and the second it does, his face is beet red, but it's nothing compared to Keith's and he can't help but stare and think of how cute he looks. Violet eyes are on Lance as he looks Keith over, taking in his appearance and body language. His pale cheeks are pink and so are his ears and the tip of his nose, and his hands are restless in front of him. The fingers on one are twisting at the others and he wants to reach out and grab at them, hold them in his warm hands and pull him close. This is exactly what got him in trouble last time, though, so he spits the words out before Keith can utter a syllable.
"That- okay, that wasn't supposed to come out. Shit, I'm sorry." Fuck, he's never wanted to backtrack so hard in his life until now. "I know that's not the kinda thing you wanna hear from a guy, especially me , but-"
His voice wavers, and Keith takes the chance to cut him off. "You like me, like- like a friend?"
Lance pauses, and the short silence between them is tense, but he can't formulate a proper sentence.
No, not like a friend. He wants to say. No, like I wanna hold your hand and kiss your stupid, pretty face.
He doesn't say that. He doesn't say anything. He wants to un-say everything, what with how Keith is staring at him. Wide eyed and shocked, but there's something there that Lance almost doesn't recognize on the other paladin. It looks so out of place on him, that he can't help but wonder if he's even having this conversation or if he's just dreaming.
The stirring in his chest when Keith's tongue darts out to wet his lips tells him that he's very awake.
"Lance-"
"No." It jumps from his throat without his consent, a frustration building in him. He's already said it, so he can't take it back, but Keith's making him elaborate. "Not like a friend. Like-"
"A teammate?"
If he didn't know Keith better, he'd think he was messing with him. But he does know better, and Keith isn't messing with him. He really is just that dense.
"No, you idiot." Keith bristles at the insult, but Lance continues. "You can pilot basically anything with controls with zero issue, slice through a horde of Galra like they're level one practice bots, but you can't grasp the simple concept that I have feelings for you."
Whatever Keith tries to say in response, it comes out instead as a pathetic noise that doesn't even resemble a word. From his red cheeks and the nervous stuttering as he tries- and fails- to form a sentence, tells Lance that there's a chance he's been misinterpreting a lot more than he thought. In a completely different way, too. Keith isn't grossed out or offended or angry in any way. The blue paladin is about to say something else, but Keith starts first.
"I thought," He hesitates, like he's not sure it's an okay thing to say. "I thought you were straight."
Lance doesn't even blink.
"Dude, I flirt with like. Everyone. I flirt with aliens ."
"Well, I mean, they look like girls." Keith's starting to look like he regrets speaking.
"Welp, you can rest assured that I'm not straight. Which brings us back to the point of me having feelings for you." It's already hanging out there in the open, so he may as well keep it going.
"Like-"
"Like I want to take you somewhere nice and hold hands and kiss. Romantic like. Sexual like."
Both of their faces burn at that, but neither of them comment on it further.
"You like me." Keith says it like it's a puzzle, but at least it's not a question.
"Yeah. Which, y'know, I'm really hoping to get an answer to. If you want to. No pressure." Lance is starting to lock up with anxiety because Keith's acknowledged his feelings, yes, but he hasn't said shit about how he feels about them. "In fact, maybe it's actually better if I just go. I think- I may have gotten-"
"I didn't mean it when I called you gross."
Lance trails off, staring at Keith curiously.
"Then why-"
"And you don't suck. I know I said that too, and I'm sorry. I was just-"
"Embarrassed?"
"Exactly."
"Of me?"
"Ye- wait, say that again?"
"I mean, you looked- you look so annoyed to be… just associated with me, half the time."
He also isn't addressing the whole "I like you" thing and it's worsening the anxiety Lance feels.
"It's not you! It's just. Frustrating."
"To be around me?"
"What? No!"
"Then why?"
Is he frustrated because Lance is loud and obnoxious and never listens, or is he frustrated because he likes him back and shares the same fears that Lance does? Or is it some unforeseen third option that he couldn't have ever imagined? The long pause as Keith tries to articulate his messy thoughts is excruciating.
Until his pink lips twitch up just at the corner, almost imperceptible if Lance wasn't watching him like a hawk, desperate for an answer. It spreads into a shy smile that makes him fall in love all over again. He'd kill for that smile. He'd die for that smile.
"So?" He prompts.
"It's frustrating being around you and not being able to… y'know."
"No, I don't know. Please educate me."
Keith rolls his eyes and looks away. "Not being able to hold hands and go on dates and- and kiss."
"You want to kiss me?"
Keith wants to kiss him?
"Yeah."
Keith wants to kiss him.
Wants to kiss Lance.
Hold hands, go on dates, and kiss.
And this is real?
"Fuck, I hate Pidge." Lance's legs buckle just a little under him but he catches himself on the couch, laughing breathlessly. Nervously. "She's- I might actually kill her."
Keith looks alarmed at that. "Why?"
"I was going to kiss you. When I knocked you down-"
"Before I knocked you down."
"Whatever, I was going to kiss you. And then she came in, and you called me gross, and- wait, why the hell have you been avoiding me then?"
"Oh."
"Yeah."
Don't get distracted, McClain, get your answers.
"Uh, I mean, again, I thought you were straight."
"Already corrected that, keep talking."
He almost grins at how exasperated Keith looks with Lance. Almost.
"Nobody knows I'm gay, either." It's an easy opening for some shitty, half-assed jokes, but he doesn't say anything and lets Keith continue. "And I'm sure everyone here is different, but I got bullied for it. Especially at the Garrison, I'm kinda surprised you didn't hear rumors."
"Well, now you know I'm the last person who would bully you for it. Why were you avoiding me?"
If he doesn't get to the point soon, Lance is going to punch him.
"I thought you were going to kiss me. Or, I hoped. And then Pidge interrupted and I panicked. I thought you'd hate me, I guess, if you found out I like you."
"You didn't think I'd hate you for being treated like a broken toy?"
"I didn't treat- wait, you hate me?" Keith fills with apprehension at the thought.
He wants to hate him. It would be easier than loving him. But with those pitiful puppy eyes gazing up at him, he can't.
"No." Lance says softly, sighing. "I thought you hated me."
"Oh."
"Yep."
"So, we're both idiots?"
Lance snorts out a laugh, rolling his eyes. "Yeah, sure. You're the bigger idiot though."
"You're taller, wouldn't you be?" It's so deadpan that he thinks Keith is serious for a tick, but then he cracks a stupid little smirk and Lance's heart races at the sight.
There's another brief moment of silence between them, but it's no longer tense and full of guilt from Keith and anger from Lance. It's peaceful. Comfortable. Keith plops down onto the couch beside him and he watches his hand sliding across the fabric towards his hesitantly, before stopping a few inches away. He doesn't give Keith the chance to rethink and pull away, reaching out to take his hand in his, lacing their fingers together and trying not to freak out over how red Keith turns from the simple gesture.
"You're such an asshole, how are you so cute?"
"Rude."
"But, true."
Keith glares and Lance grins.
"Are we dating now?" He asks as he looks away, back at his lap, missing the look of pure bewilderment on the other paladin's face.
"Keith, look at me." Lance's voice is all but a whisper, but Keith hears him and does as he says, visibly perturbed. "Do you wanna be my boyfriend?"
His mouth opens, closes. Opens again.
"Yes?"
It's said like a question, but it's good enough for Lance.
"You can't avoid me again." He grumbles, leaning over to rest his head on Keith's shoulder. "Ever. Even if I do something stupid."
"Everything you do is stupid."
Lance sits up quickly, shaking his head. "Welp, we're done. I want a divorce."
"Wha- we're not even married."
"Divorce." He repeats, arms crossing stubbornly.
Keith's getting flustered again, confused by his joking because he's Keith and he's oblivious to everything, especially Lance. It's even cuter though, and he groans, vexed.
"I'll forgive you if you kiss me."
The other man balks, an unintelligible series of sounds coming from him that Lance adores. God, he's even cuter when he's dumbfounded like he is now. Maybe he should throw him a lifeline. Or just kiss him. Yeah, he's just gonna kiss him.
"You're so fucking dumb."
Lance doesn't hesitate this time, reaching out to grab his face and pull him in. Their lips meet, a little too hard, but Keith is mouth parts easily, letting Lance's tongue dip out to swipe across his bottom lip. It's warm and wet and messy and perfect. His hand wraps around the back of Keith's neck to drag him closer, and it flips some sort of switch inside of him. All reservations are thrown out the window as Keith grunts and his fingers tangle in Lance's short hair, yanking at it roughly and kissing him back like he's desperate for it. Like he's trying to make up for lost time, and Lance is weak beneath him as he topples them over.
Finally, Keith lets him go and laughs breathlessly over him, arms braced on either side of his shoulders. "Knocked you down again."
" That's all you can say right now?" Lance groans, hands covering his face as he turns a pretty pink. "Oh my god, I'm in love with a moron."
He hears Keith's breath hitch above him, because Lance said he's in love with him. He expects more blushing and stammering and embarrassment, but Keith drops down again to kiss him, chaste and sweet, and whispers against his lips.
"I'm sorry. For ignoring you, for avoiding you, for making you think I hate you or that you're annoying and everything."
"Did you just apologize?" He gasps.
"Yes, asshole. I did earlier, too, y'know."
"Hm, sure."
"I love you."
Lance blinks up at him. "You-"
"I love you. So, I'm sorry." His brow furrows for a second. "I mean, I'm not just sorry because I like you. I know I was a dick, but I do also-"
"Shut up, Keith." He grabs him by the collar of his shirt, yanking him down for another kiss and not letting go until Keith- his boyfriend- is stunned silent. "I forgive you."
"No divorce, then?" His voice is soft, winded almost.
Lance laughs loudly, shaking his head. "No divorce, dummy."