Chapter Text
Kaoru strummed his fingers along the strings of his guitar. The rest of his bandmates were warming up; he didn’t quite have the heart to tell them he’d been in the studio for over an hour already and was raring to go. He’d desperately needed to get out of the house today, as his mother had been hounding him for a week now for not going to his cram sessions. Why would he waste so much time on them when he knew he wasn’t going to university? Kaoru had already decided that his future included art, which he staunchly believed couldn’t be made in a classroom. He knew his parents only wanted what was best for him, and it wasn’t as if they’d kick him out if he didn’t go to the sessions, but just thinking about ditching band practice in favor of going to one gave him a headache that no amount of medicine could alleviate. Kaoru was already shirking skating in order to be here, after all.
“Hey, Sakurayashiki.” Their lead singer, another third-year named Nozaki, approached him with his usual calm demeanor.
“What’s up?” Kaoru nodded in acknowledgment and plucked a few fast notes in succession.
“Have you given any more thought to what I asked you? About the song?”
Kaoru huffed and rolled his eyes. He pointedly ignored Nozaki, not looking in his direction anymore. He’d heard Kaoru singing in here one afternoon while the rest of the band was on their smoke break and had been badgering him ever since to be the lead on one of their upcoming tracks.
“I told you already. I don’t sing. I have absolutely zero desire to do anything resembling that.
“But Sakurayashiki, you’re so good . I know the other guys would love it if they heard you—”
“Nope. I’m the guitarist. Don’t want to sing. Quit bugging me. Also, you’ve never even bugged me about doing backups. So drop it.”
Nozaki’s eyes narrowed but he backed down.
Kaoru knew it had been a mistake to make out with Nozaki after their show a few weeks ago. Ever since, their lead singer had been hanging around the studio they rented out for practice more and more, seemingly wanting to get Kaoru alone. Nozaki wasn’t touchy-feely or overly flirty in front of their other band members, but the moment he and Kaoru were alone he’d inch in and try to turn on the charm. Kaoru didn’t… hate it. But he swore to never date somebody he was in a band with, god forbid a breakup occurred or a heart got broken. And he’d told Nozaki all of this… but Nozaki was like a puppy who followed someone around after the person pet it for half a second.
It was not going to happen again.
The conversation between Kaoru and Nozaki didn’t carry over to the other people in the band. Black Water consisted of Kaoru on rhythm guitar, Nozaki on lead vocals, a random guy they’d found in Shibuya at an instrument store named Hiromi Higa as their drummer, and a new guy on bass named Kojiro Nanjo. Nanjo hadn’t been in the band for more than a month and hadn’t even performed a live show with them, but he was reliable and always on time to practice (unlike Nozaki) and brought them homemade food constantly. He was the quietest person in the room no matter where they were and always acted surprised when someone called out to him.
To get the irritating interaction with Nozaki out of his headspace, Kaoru turned to Nanjo and inclined his head toward him wordlessly as if asking permission to sit with him. The bassist looked slightly jolted by Kaoru approaching him, but nodded quickly and motioned to the empty chair beside him.
“You doing okay today, Nanjo?” Kaoru took the seat and eased back into it, fingers moving along the neck and body of his guitar as he strung out some quick notes in succession.
“Is it weird I love that sound?” Nanjo smiled when he heard the raw sound of an unplugged electric guitar.
Kaoru snorted. “Maybe a little.” They sat in a comfortable silence as they finished warming up, Kaoru feeling the bass notes in his chest when Nanjo finally plugged his guitar into the amp. It was a delightful feeling, one that he’d missed when their last bassist had to quit because his family was moving. There were a lot of bad memories he'd left, memories Kaoru never wanted to think about ever again, but the one good thing about that guy was how he played.
“Okay, everyone, how we feeling? Good? The show is in about a month. We have plenty of time… but I also feel like we have no time at all.” Nozaki stepped into the center of their set up area and looked around at them all. Kaoru thought for a split second that he sensed surprise and… irritation on the vocalist’s face when he saw him sitting next to the new guy, but the look was gone as quickly as it came from Nozaki’s face.
The show Nozaki was referring to was a competition held in Okinawa every year that awarded its winner over ¥500,000 in prize money. It wasn’t the most extravagant prize pool out there, but that money would fund more time in the studio, instrument maintenance, and other things that came directly out of their pockets when it came to Black Water. Every local band on the island tried out for it, and theirs had miraculously gotten far enough in the later rounds to qualify for the finale show. Nanjo had been their saving grace when he answered their SOS call for a bassist after Ainosuke had abruptly departed in the middle of the tryouts.
“Did the organizer ever get back to you about the lighting?” Hiromi grumbled from behind his drum set. His parents owned an events company, so he was knowledgeable about stage setup and special effects. He’d designed an entire light show to accompany their new set and had been extremely irritated when the venue said they might not be able to accommodate it.
“They’re working on it, I believe. Chiyo told me she’d do her very best. You guys want to start with Piece of Me ?”
Everyone nodded in agreement and took their places in the regular setup. Nozaki stood in the center with Nanjo and Kaoru flanking him from behind. Hiromi’s drums sat in the back, forming a diamond shape. Piece of Me was a fast-paced, emotional roller coaster that came from Hiromi from when he’d been bullied in middle school. It never failed to make Kaoru’s chest tighten and his heart hurt for his friend, but that gave him the conviction to put his heart and soul into every note that came screaming from his guitar. Nanjo provided some deep bass notes during Hiromi’s solo, his eyes closed as his head moved in time with the beat.
Kaoru found himself watching the new guy with a pleasant but sudden heat in his veins. Nanjo was tall, sort of gangly but with broad shoulders. His dark green hair was choppy and fell just above his eyes in a stubborn ‘no mom I won’t get it cut’ kind of way. He was so wrapped up in the music and it was almost like it had taken over him. His long fingers pounded away at his bass before his eyes opened and he smiled back at Hiromi before his gaze drifted to Kaoru. Kaoru could feel the passion flowing forth as he and Hiromi collaborated, and it slowly took over him as well.
Kaoru felt the flush to his cheeks and he stubbornly turned back to face the wall in front of him. He wasn’t ever going to entertain the idea of finding a bandmate attractive ever again.
**
At the end of practice, Kaoru felt sufficiently beaten. He’d been playing his guitar now for over five hours, feeling the pain in his fingertips despite the calluses that already existed there. But the pain was welcome, and he felt himself smiling as he put his instrument in its case and swung it over his shoulder. In both music and skating, pain meant growth.
“Do you guys wanna go get some food?” Nozaki closed the studio door behind them once everyone finished packing up.
“I’m broke. Plus, my pops needs me home tonight to help with company stuff. Next time though!” Hiromi waved and trudged off towards his house with his hands in his pockets. Kaoru knew for certain that Hiromi wasn’t broke, but that their drummer had a secret garden behind his house that he was eager to attend to (Kaoru had been sent pictures that morning of his budding morning glories and herbs).
“My ma is cooking dinner,” Nanjo smiled. “My big bro is home from college so she wants us all home.”’
Fuck. Kaoru could see the light brightening up in Nozaki’s eyes when he turned his way. “Sakurayashiki?”
“Only if you’ll come skateboarding with me.” Kaoru’s ace in the hole was the one hobby of his that Nozaki was averse to. Nozaki audibly groaned and shook his head defeatedly.
“But I busted my lip last time! It’s not good for the lead singer to have a busted lip.”
“We have a month until the show.” Or don’t come, I don’t care , Kaoru thought to himself.
“You skate?” Nanjo piped up with a look of awe on his face. Inside, it made Kaoru want to excitedly jump towards the new guy and enthusiastically nod. But the cool, bad boy persona he fought so hard to maintain just allowed him to huff with a grin and barely tick his head up.
“Yeah. You?”
“Eh, just a bit with my brothers. I wanted to try the real thing after playing Tony Hawk: Pro Skater.”
Kaoru was buzzing. A cute bassist who was tall, skated, and played shitty 2000s video games?
“Fine, I’ll skate with you.” Nozaki could feel the vibes between Kaoru and the new guy it seemed, based on how quickly he changed his tune.
“Let’s board to Umaido, then. It’s not that far.” Kaoru couldn’t help but have more of a spring to his step as he pushed past the brooding Nozaki and fell in beside Nanjo. Kaoru had been wondering what was inside the large bag the new guy carried alongside his guitar case, but his stomach erupted in butterflies when he saw a green and yellow cruiser with orange wheels being pulled out of it. Once outside the studio the two of them mounted their boards with ease while Nozaki struggled to even out his weight on the one he borrowed from Kaoru.
“Balance in the center,” Nanjo offered with a smile, pointing to the correct spots on the board for him to put his feet. Nozaki grumbled and his cheeks flushed in embarrassment when Nanjo’s advice worked.
“I tell him that all the time” Kaoru mumbled, securing his guitar case on his back with both straps. He pushed off down the sidewalk as the new guy nicely made sure their vocalist wasn’t going to eat shit on the pavement, silently wishing Nozaki had turned him down and he could bond with Nanjo over his second favorite thing alone .
Nozaki, as much as he hated skateboarding, was able to keep up with Kaoru and Nanjo all the way to the restaurant. He got to watch as the guitarist ollied over concrete medians and grinded on benches, but his pout was utterly lost to Kaoru. Kaoru watched with silent, expertly masked joy as Nanjo showed off his tricks, needlessly telling them he did much more than just skate with his brothers. He had powerful legs that allowed him to maneuver his board around tight angles and obstacles in his path, as though the threat of beefing was foreign to him.
“What else can you do?” Kaoru was unable to contain his excitement as Nanjo pulled off an invert as he skated along a flower bed just outside the restaurant. “Are your brothers pros or something?!”
Nanjo was visibly flustered by the compliment. He righted himself and kicked his board up so he could grab it.
“Nah, nothing like that. We’ve just been doing it a while, I guess.”
“We need to go to a park. I want to see what else you can do.” Kaoru grinned widely and offered his fist up for Nanjo to bump. “Maybe after school tomorrow? We don’t have studio time scheduled.”
“Sure! That sounds fun.” Nanjo completed the dap and Kaoru only felt the butterflies inside him beating more furiously against his stomach.
Inside the restaurant, the three bandmates discussed the show in a month’s time. They were going to be up against three other groups who had also placed in the finals. Kaoru and Nozaki had heard of all but one and it sounded like a new band on the Okinawa circuit. The competition only made them more excited and eager to showcase their new songs at the finale.
“Do you sing, Nanjo?” Nozaki inquired just as their ramen was delivered to the table. Kaoru inwardly scoffed and wordlessly picked up his spoon and chopsticks.
“Uhh… a little. I’m not used to singing more than backups, though.”
“We’ll have to hear it! Hiromi can sing too, when he wants,” Nozaki chuckled, sipping his warm tea with a smug smile. “Kaoru here can also carry a tune, but is too embarrassed to do it in front of anybody!”
“Cram it,” Kaoru shot Nozaki an angry look. “We’re not doing this shit here. I told you earlier, I’m not going to sing on the next track.” He kept his anger in and didn’t jump down the vocalist’s throat like he wanted to, but he could see that Nanjo was surprised by the interaction.
“I didn’t say anything like that!” Nozaki rolled his eyes playfully and lightly bumped Kaoru’s shoulder. “It was just a question for the newbie, you don’t have to get so defensive.” Kaoru knew it was all bullshit and that Nozaki was trying to coax it out of him in some weird retaliation for how Kaoru and Nanjo were bonding over skating. Nozaki wasn’t a bad guy, but when he wanted something he had a way of being irritating about it.
When they finished their meal, Nozaki thankfully set off in the opposite direction of Kaoru and Nanjo. Kaoru was grateful, audibly letting out a small sigh of relief as he mounted his board.
“Everything okay?” Nanjo asked as he joined him.
“Oh, yeah, sorry,” Kaoru mumbled, shaking his head. “Nozaki is full of shit. I’m not embarrassed to sing in front of others. He just asked me to sing on the next track and I … don’t want to. But he’s relentless.”
“I can understand,” Nanjo replied, nodding sympathetically and gliding alongside Kaoru on the sidewalk. “My sisters ask me all the time to sing for them. I tell them: ‘no, I’m the bassist. I play an instrument, I don’t sing.’ But they don’t care!” Nanjo laughed softly and shook his head.
Kaoru couldn’t help but be curious. “How many siblings do you have?” Nanjo looked at him and he felt his cheeks tint. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be nosy—”
“No, that’s okay!” Nanjo grinned and held up his hand. “It’s me, two older brothers, and three baby sisters. Two of them are twins and then the baby baby is only three.”
Goodness, that was a big family. Kaoru only had one sister that was three years younger than he was. She was still in middle school and desperately looked up to and adored him because he was a bad boy who didn’t listen to their strict parents. He loved her too, but it wasn’t like he could show her that all the time, she might get the wrong idea about just how rebellious he was.
“Do your sisters skate too? How old are they?”
Kaoru and Nanjo began talking and didn’t stop. They discovered that they lived close to each other on their way home and stopped at the skatepark close by. It was soon dark and they talked more then than they had the entire time Nanjo had been in Black Water. Kaoru found himself laughing at his stupid jokes and excitedly watching him skate. Kaoru’s golden eyes followed the other’s every move, entranced by the way he moved his body and the things he was able to make it do while on a skateboard. When Nanjo did a particularly impressive trick on the half pipe, Kaoru jumped to his feet at the top of it and exclaimed in excitement.
“That was. So cool! How do you do that?!”
“You’re a pretty excited punk, you know that?” Nanjo winked and propelled himself up to the top of the pipe.
“Shut up ,” Kaoru rolled his eyes and balled his fists. “You can only be so collected before you see something so amazing! Nozaki tries to skate with me but… he’s no good at it. He can push and that’s it . But you, you’re doing all these awesome tricks like it’s nothing to you. I had… no idea you skated too. You always hide your board.”
“Ah, yeah, that’s a bad habit,” Nanjo looked down at the board, which was scratched, nicked, and clearly well-loved. “My mom hates it. She always yells at me if she catches me with it, so I just put it in the bag out of habit. She thinks I’m going to be arrested or something just for boarding, ha ha!”
“God, that’s my dad,” Kaoru nodded in agreement with a roll of his eyes. “‘The cops are going to get you if they catch you on that thing. With your damn lip and ears pierced, they’ll assume you’re up to something!’”
“ Are you up to something?” Nanjo smirked and went down the pipe on his board.
“…No!”
“So you’re a punk bad boy in a band who rides a skateboard, has piercings… but you’re not actually bad, are you?” He crossed his arms smugly and looked back at Kaoru at the top of the pipe.
“What do you know, huh?” Kaoru wasn’t even mad at the accusations, but the gusto with which Nanjo called him out sparked his latent competitiveness. He jumped on his board and followed his bandmate down the ramp.
“Oh nothing,” Nanjo laughed, the sound making Kaoru’s heart skip a beat in his chest. “Just little observations about you, Sakurayashiki.”
The way his name came off Nanjo’s lips made Kaoru inadvertently jump. He lost his balance and went crashing to the ground, falling quite a ways as he’d made his ascent up the other side of the pipe.
“Ah, shit—” Kaoru grumbled and rubbed his head when he realized he’d hit it. Nanjo appeared over him in an instant, eyes worried and hands frantically reaching out to pull him upright.
“Are you okay?? It sounds like you hit your head really hard.” With a surprising show of strength given his lanky form, Nanjo pulled Kaoru to his feet and held him steadily in place.
“Yeah, no worries.” Kaoru was always quick to dismiss people fawning over him, but truthfully he’d just been embarrassingly caught off guard when he heard the other say his name. “I’m fine. But thanks.”
“Lemme see.” Kojiro was gentle but firm as he turned Kaoru around to look at the back of his head. “One time, one of the twins insisted she was fine when she’d actually cracked her head open.”
Kaoru’s eyes widened and he silently allowed Nanjo to inspect him. He felt the other’s large hands on his hair and head as he moved aside the strands to check for blood. Nanjo was so gentle and the touch made Kaoru want to melt into him. It was a pleasant feeling compared to not-so-pleasant touches he’d received in the past, and was so calming…
“Okay, I think you’re good. But let me know if your head starts hurting or if your vision gets blurry, okay? I know I’m not in a good position to lecture you about helmets because, hey, I don’t have one either… but be careful.”
“T-thanks. Do your siblings get… hurt a lot?”
Nanjo gave Kaoru a pointed look and put his head in his hands before shaking it. “It’s like… they actively seek out things that can hurt them. Mom’s a nurse, but she works a lot. I had to learn a lot growing up so they didn’t kill themselves.”
“My sister is a couch potato to the max,” Kaoru chuckled, “we never had to worry about her hurting herself. Me, on the other hand…”
After Kaoru’s fall, the pair settled on the flat middle of the half-pipe and continued talking. The park slowly emptied around them and the streetlights came on, stars coming out in the sky above as the hours ticked on. His sides began to hurt from laughing so hard at the stories Nanjo told him and his voice was hoarse from all the talking he’d done that day.
“Holy shit… it’s three in the morning.” Nanjo had checked his phone after they’d fallen into a comfortable silence for a while and were looking up at the stars above them. He looked over at Kaoru with wide eyes and a visibly shaken expression. “Mom’s going to kill me.”
“Mine too. I’ll see you in heaven, then?” Kaoru and Nanjo laughed as they got to their feet and quickly headed for the park entrance.
“Hopefully just at school in the morning. Need me to walk you home?”
Kaoru couldn’t help the blush that encompassed his face. He tightened his hands on the straps of his guitar case and averted Nanjo’s gaze.
“No, but thanks, big guy.” Kaoru’s inner bad boy came back as he smirked at Nanjo and looked him up and down. “But I’ll let you know when I get home safely.”
Nanjo was clearly flustered by his question too. He huffed and nodded in an ‘I’m glad you said that last part so I didn’t have to’ sort of way, mumbling under his breath about being careful on his skateboard too.
“Hey, Nanjo… I had… a lot of fun tonight. I haven’t had so much fun since…” Kaoru almost mentioned Ainosuke, but stopped himself and shook his head. “You’re really cool. I’m glad you’re in the band now.”
“Kojiro,” the other spoke up, his soft smile setting off fireworks inside Kaoru. “You can call me Kojiro. And me too. It’s kinda hard for me to talk to people, that’s why I’m so quiet in the studio and at school. But you’re really easy to talk to! I hope we can be good friends.”
Kojiro held his fist up like Kaoru had earlier in the day. Kaoru bumped him with zero hesitation, returning his smile with a newfound feeling of excitement he’d not felt in his entire life.
**
“ Because you’ve just got a piece of me, not all of me. I don’t need to show you the heart of me .”
Nozaki faded out on Piece of Me , and Kaoru felt like his heart jumped into his throat. He’d been watching Kojiro the entire time, studying how the other’s hands moved along his bass, how his body swayed in time with the music and how the beat moved him. Kojiro was beautiful when he was playing his instrument, and the sight of him bringing his face close to the microphone so he could provide baritone backups for their lead made Kaoru weak in the knees. Kaoru found himself getting swept up in a daydream of Kojiro on stage in front of cheering fans, the colorful lights above him dancing around as he played his heart out. He beefed the last few notes of the song, but it didn’t appear anyone noticed right away…
“Kaoru. You good?” Nozaki turned around and gave him a concerned look. Nozaki wasn’t one who was quick to anger, but he’d definitely noticed the missed notes.
“Yeah, sorry. Wanna run through it one more time?” Kaoru knew better than to come up with a bullshit excuse, as it was just a simple mistake. Nozaki nodded and looked around at Hiromi and Kojiro. When they were all in agreement Kaoru strung out the intro. He made sure to focus, not letting himself look at Kojiro. They had begun to move around more during practice the last two weeks, talking through their normal formation with Nozaki and convincing him they didn’t have to be so stiff all the time. Kojiro was cool about it, calmly facing Hiromi or Kaoru before going to stand by Nozaki. It was intoxicating to watch, and Kaoru only wanted to let it fuel his own passion when they played together. Kaoru often wandered with his excitement, breaking his bad boy visage in favor of excitedly hopping over to Hiromi or daring to go back-to-back with Kojiro.
This second time around with Piece of Me , the studio felt electric. Each member’s output flowed out so beautifully from them, Nozaki’s voice like velvet on the mic and Kojiro and Hiromi’s vocals swirling around like magic. Kaoru put a little extra oomf on his notes with his pickup and Nozaki turned around and stared at him in awe. Like a true pro he waited until the end of the song, but he praised Kaoru excitedly on the addition.
“That sounded… amazing . Were you all feeling that too just now?”
“Haven’t felt that way in a long time while playing Piece of Me ,” Hiromi admitted sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck and shifting around upon his stool.
“You’re incredible, Kaoru!” Kojiro flashed him a near-blinding smile and made the guitarist feel like he’d been hit by a bus.
“Ah, you two are on a first-name basis now, huh?” Nozaki commented on the familiarity with a slight tilt of his head. “That was fast, ha ha!”
Kaoru and Kojiro shot each other a silent look. They’d been calling each other by their first names since the night they’d gone to the skate park after dinner. But the fewer jealous comments to come from Nozaki, honestly, the better.
Kaoru felt anxious the closer the end of practice got. He’d obviously been running off the last couple of times he met with the band, but it was to avoid Nozaki’s dinner invitations or offers to hang out. Kaoru had never been good with confrontation, even if he adamantly didn’t want to do something, and the thought of telling his friend no made him feel sick to his stomach. It wasn’t as though he hated him, quite the opposite, actually. He wanted to maintain their friendship, but also the band. In-fighting was the last thing they needed, and Kaoru was going to avoid it at all costs.
“Alright guys, our time’s up in about five minutes.” Nozaki shook off the realization that Kaoru and Kojiro seemed to be growing closer. He turned away and began to wrap up the cord for his mic, so Kaoru silently moved towards his guitar case and checked his phone.
koji 🐯 : park after?
Kaoru: please.
Kaoru quickly packed up his equipment in his guitar case and waved to the rest of his bandmates. “Gotta dip out early, guys. Going skating tonight!” He didn’t wait for a response from anyone (his best avoidance tactic) and fretfully dashed down to the ground floor of the building. With only slightly trembling hands he pushed off on his board outside, heading towards the meetup spot he and Kojiro had adopted. His phone sat clenched in his hand until he heard the sound of Kojiro’s skateboard just a few minutes later.
They’d been doing this every day after practice and right after school on days practice wasn’t scheduled. It was nearly unspoken at this point that that’s where they were going, but Kojiro seemed to know that Kaoru wasn’t hellbent on ignoring Nozaki all of the time, which is why he’d made sure with the text. Their lead singer seemed to have realized just how much closer the two of them were growing, and while Kaoru could tell he was jealous, there didn’t appear to be any ill will between them.
Skating with Kojiro gave Kaoru a rush like he’d only ever felt the first time he got on a board. This time, though, he wasn’t falling and beefing it on the pavement, and he felt like he was truly flying whenever he looked to his side or around him and saw Kojiro there. The taller boy always had a smile on his face that felt like it could melt the ice caps and solve all of the world’s problems. Kaoru didn’t feel like he had to keep up airs or a persona around Kojiro, and allowed himself to be genuine and carefree around him. To a point, of course. Kaoru wasn’t about to dump his emotional baggage all over Kojiro or talk his ear off with his problems.
Kojiro had been quiet for a while as they skated. He was still smiling, like he always seemed to be, but Kaoru noticed the lack of conversation and couldn’t help but feel worried. Had he said something wrong? Was he annoying? Did Kojiro have enough of him and now the novelty was wearing off?
“Hey, everything okay?” Kaoru slowed on the pavement when he heard Kojiro sigh.
“Huh? Oh, yeah, it’s fine.” Kaoru didn’t claim to be an expert on people, but Kojiro’s body language told him the exact opposite of his words.
“You sure? You’ve been… sort of quiet today. More than you have been, I guess?”
Kojiro stopped and looked at him for a moment, clearly weighing out the options of delving into the topic further. His eyebrows scrunched up when he was thinking; Kaoru thought it was precious. Kaoru hoped he wasn’t coming off as pushy, not wanting to drive his new friend off or make him uncomfortable.
“You don’t have to talk, if you don’t want. We can just skate; I’m having a great time--”
“I am too! I am too, really.”
Kaoru had a personal flaw about himself that he hated: wearing his heart on his sleeve. He immediately tensed up when Kojiro replied, and it had to have been abundantly clear to the other.
“Hhhmm. It’s just…” Kojiro slowly pushed off but still stayed close, gently gliding along slopes and dips in the park. “My mom’s been drilling me lately about the band. And about school. It’s.. really starting to get to me.”
Kaoru frowned softly but nodded. “It’s hell.”
“She wants me to go to school here , or at least on the mainland. But I’ve been looking at schools here and in Tokyo and there just… isn’t anything that I really had in mind.”
“Are you wanting to go to uni at all?” Kaoru wondered if he was like himself and opposed to the idea of fitting into the mold and continuing his higher education once they graduated.
“Eh, kind of?” Kojiro picked up speed and held an inversion at the top of a steep ramp. His smile returned once he had successfully completed the trick (Kaoru pretended that when Kojiro looked back at him and saw him watching that it was meant for him and him alone) before he came back towards Kaoru. “What I want to do… you kinda don’t have to go to school for it. I think you can either do it or you can’t. But it helps. You network, you learn new techniques.”
“What do you want to do?”
Kojiro laughed softly and his cheeks flushed a bit. “I want to fuckin’ cook! You know all that food I’m bringing the band? I make all of that. Not my mom or sisters, but me ! I’ve been cooking ever since I was little and my parents had to work all the time. At first, it was a chore, something I had to do, but now I love it.” He came to a stop in front of the view of the nearby beach and sighed. “But the school I want to go to is in Italy. Fucking. Italy.”
Kaoru felt an odd mix of emotions within him at Kojiro’s confession. On one hand, the happiness and passion he exuded when he talked about this dream of his made Kaoru’s heart race excitedly in his chest. The other looked so damn happy, and that in turn made Kaoru happy. On the other, much heavier hand, however, the reality was that if Kojiro went to Italy, he couldn’t be in the band anymore. He and Kaoru wouldn’t be able to skate together anymore, either, and the thought made Kaoru feel just like he had when Ainosuke had up and told him he was leaving.
“O-oh. Oh… Italy, huh?” Kaoru could feel his facial expressions fluctuating, going between a forced smile to a more vulnerable frown.
“...Yeah. Italy.” To Kaoru, Kojiro seemed deflated. He looked crestfallen out on his skateboard in the middle of the park, all previous joy and excitement gone from his voice and face as he looked back at him. His eyes no longer sparkled.
They were silent for a few seconds as little kids zoomed between them on their boards and rollerblades.
“So… you can see why I’m so bummed about it,” Kojiro forced out a laugh and looked at Kaoru with a sad smile. “Six months ago, I was dead set. Go to Italy, see Europe some, and get the hell off Okinawa. But… but now… I have no idea what I’m going to do. You’re so--”
Kojiro stopped, eyes widening. Kaoru’s head tilted slightly in confusion, but Kojiro was quick to fix the fumble.
“Y-you and the guys-- the band-- everyone is so cool.”
Kaoru forced himself to finally speak, shoving his emotions deep down within him. Kojiro’s words sank right down into his heart, and he knew he had fallen. How far he had fallen was still unknown, but there was an unpleasant feeling in his gut when he realized he’d be devastated if Kojiro left. “W-well, you have time to think about it, right?”
“Yeah. Not… too much if I’m wanting to go right after we graduate, but yeah. I’ve got time.”
“Good. Don’t let it get you down.” Kaoru unburied his bad boy self as a mask in front of his new friend. “Tell your mom to leave you alone and just do what feels right.”
Kojiro came closer on his board and was taking a few deep breaths. He sheepishly looked at Kaoru before throwing his arms around his shoulders, squeezing him tight in a hug.
“Thanks for listening to me, Kaoru. Sorry for kinda dumping that all on you, heh.”
Kaoru knew he had fallen hard when he returned the hug without a second thought, wrapping Kojiro up in his arms and never wanting to let him go.
**
Thinking of you.
Kaoru stared blankly at his phone screen. It was a picture message from Ainosuke of a skate park. Kaoru had woken up suddenly from the beginning of a nightmare, so he was already out of sorts and anxious, but to wake up to a text like that ? He fought bitter tears and hastily shoved his phone down under the covers so he wouldn’t look at it. Deep breaths tried to work through his lungs and out of his mouth, but he was quickly overwhelmed by the sudden communication from his old friend. He sat up straight in bed and hastily pulled on the jeans he’d carelessly thrown on the floor before sleeping. Kaoru grabbed his skateboard and keys before hustling out the front door of his family home and setting off to the skatepark.
It was chilly outside, and he wished he’d thought to grab a jacket. The more he pushed his board and the more he let his emotions overtake him, however, Kaoru’s body quickly warmed as he cried angrily. How dare Ainosuke not speak to him the entire time he’d been gone but out of the blue just message him as if nothing was wrong? As if Ainosuke hadn’t given Kaoru literally a day’s notice of his family relocating to the US on the other side of the world? Kaoru had thought they’d been good friends, best friends, even, but Ainosuke had made it clear that day that he didn’t feel the same.
It still stung to think of the other boy, made Kaoru’s heart feel as though it were being repeatedly stomped on in the dirt when he remembered his dark smile from under his white hoodie. Not only had Ainosuke been in Black Water, but he’d also been Kaoru’s favorite person to skate with. When he left, however, it was as if they shared no common interests, no history, or fun memories together. Kaoru was just someone he happened to let know that he was moving.
Kaoru’s mind drifted to Kojiro potentially leaving him as well. Why did he feel like everybody he tried to be close with would just end up abandoning him? Why did he automatically jump to abandonment when his friends were just trying to live their lives?
Every toxic thought only made him clench his fists harder and choke back deeper sobs. When he finally got to the park he put his head in his hands and screamed, shoulders shaking as he let out the quickly built-up emotion inside of him.
“K-Kaoru?!”
Kaoru turned around so quickly that he almost fell off his board. He was shocked to see Kojiro sitting at the top of one of the half-pipes, a notebook in his hand and his eyes as wide as the moon overhead. As Kaoru stood there with tears streaming down his face and his hands over his mouth, Kojiro slid down the half-pipe and stumbled and ran towards him.
“W-what are you doing here? Is everything okay? Are you alright?” Kojiro’s large hands were on his shoulders, squeezing reassuringly as he frantically looked for wounds or other physical signs of distress.
“What are you d-doing here?” Kaoru choked out, unable to process, still, exactly what was happening.
“You first ,” Kojiro insisted firmly, tightening his grip on Kaoru’s shoulders. Yet he remained gentle, merely holding him in place so he didn’t send his board flying.
“I’m-- I’m fine,” Kaoru lied, his trembling hands betraying him as he attempted to wipe his eyes. Kojiro took the oversized sleeves of his hockey jersey he was wearing and did it for him, eyebrows furrowed in concern as he looked Kaoru over.
“No… you’re not ,” Kojiro replied in a strained whisper, lightly pulling on Kaoru so he’d step off the wavering skateboard. “Tell me what’s wrong, what happened. I’m here. I don’t know how the hell we both thought to come here,” he laughed, “but I’m here, Kaoru.”
Kaoru was silent, looking up into Kojiro’s fiery eyes through his own blurred vision. He felt his loving hands holding him so tenderly, the concern and protective attitude flowing forth from his friend. With a weak whimper, he shamefully let out another cry and put his head in his hands.
“K-know how we put out an SOS for a bassist? Has Nozaki ever told you about what happened to our l-last one?”
“Uhhh… he mentioned that the guy had to move? Or something?” Kojiro shook his head lightly as he tried to remember, peering at Kaoru curiously as he tried to figure out what that had to do with his breakdown.
They sat down in the middle of the park, Kaoru’s hands falling into Kojiro’s and holding on as he spoke.
“His name was Shindo. Ainosuke Shino. He was our bassist before you. He and Nozaki formed Black Water in the first place.” Kaoru sniffled and only moved his hand so he could hastily wipe his nose on his sleeve, not wanting to subject Kojiro’s jersey to his snot as well as tears. “He was, well…” Kaoru shuddered as he began to say ‘my best friend.’ Had he been? Had they even really been friends at all? “I… thought we were much closer than he did.”
“Were you… with him?” Kojiro seemingly blurted out the question, his blush visible on his cheeks in the light of the moon above them.
“No. Not like that , anyway,” Kaoru replied, equally flustered. “I thought he was my best friend. He. Was my best friend. But to him, I guess I was just… a guy in his band.” Kaoru’s upper body tensed as more tears came, his head bowing and his hands tightening in Kojiro’s as he let them out.
“He told me the day before that he was moving. He’d known for… months. He didn’t even tell Nozaki or Hiromi either, even though he knew about the competition coming up. It was like none of it… had ever mattered to him. None of us mattered, nor the things we did together. Not even skating.”
“He skated with you?” Kojiro’s voice lowered in a sad way, a frown cast upon his face.
“Every day. That’s how we met, right here at this fucking skatepark…” Kaoru shook his head to try to dispel the tears. He was met with Kojiro’s hand upon his cheeks, wiping them away softly with his thumb. Kaoru’s face stayed in his hand for a moment, neither one of them moving as the quiet night air around them rang loudly in their ears. “Anyway… all of this to tell you that he sent me a text tonight. That fucker… has not spoken to me since the day before he left. No calls, no letters, nothing.”
Kojiro, still holding Kaoru’s cheek and catching the fresh tears that still fell, inched closer and squeezed his hand below on his lap.
“I’m sorry he did that to you. To everyone, really, but mostly you. It seems like him leaving you felt like he was…”
“Abandoning me.” Kaoru whispered it shamefully, closing his eyes tightly. “But it wasn’t even his fault, his family was moving. He didn’t abandon me … it just felt like he did.”
“You’re still allowed to be upset, Kaoru! If you were his friend, why didn’t he tell you?! Or at least give you more than a day’s notice! How shitty. Fuck that guy!”
Kaoru jumped at the insults launched at Ainosuke, but Kojiro’s comforting grip on him grounded him considerably. He felt himself calming down after his reassuring words and lighter in his body.
They fell into a comfortable silence as Kaoru unwound and let the tension out of his shoulders. He still sniffled and a few more tears fell, but Kojiro was there to catch them before they went too far down his cheeks. When Kaoru shivered in the cold, Kojiro wordlessly took off his hockey jersey and gave it to him despite his protests. He put it on sheepishly and thanked the other with a murmur.
“Feel better?” Kojiro asked a while later, still holding onto his hands and sitting close to him.
“Yeah. Thank you… so much, ‘Jiro.” Kaoru took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment (he didn’t know he’d miss Kojiro blushing horribly at the nickname). “I’m sorry I dumped all that on you,” he chuckled. “What are you doing here at four in the morning anyway?!”
“Ah, I had just been thinking,” Kojiro responded, looking back to the notebook he’d left on top of the half-pipe. “Thinking about school. Thinking about the band. Thinking about you…”
It took Kaoru a good fifteen seconds to register what Kojiro had said. His eyes had glazed over in the comforting presence of the other, and while he’d been paying attention to what he said, it had sort of gone over his head.
“Wait. Me?” He squeaked out the words and realized he was gripping Kojiro’s hands tighter than he had been. “Did I… hear that correctly?”
“Oh. Shit. I said that out loud, huh? Fuck, ha ha.” Kojiro let his head fall but maintained his grip on the other. He was quiet for a few long, agonizing moments before he looked back up at Kaoru while he bit his lip. “I uh… asked you if you were with that Shindo guy earlier, yeah? I was curious because I’m… well, I think I’m--” Kojiro was floundering, opening and closing his mouth in between words and fumbling hard as Kaoru had caught him off guard.
“Oh. Oh ! You’re--” Kaoru gasped and felt his heart rate pick up in his chest.
“You… you’re not ?” Kojiro stared at him in shock and wonder.
“Yes! I mean…!” Kaoru’s entire body was encompassed in a hot blush, feeling it even down in the tips of his toes. He was panicking now, but for an entirely different reason than why he had been when he’d run to the skatepark. Kojiro was coming out to him? After Kaoru dumped all of his personal and emotional baggage on him? While they held hands and Kojiro wiped his eyes?
“I thought you were going to tell me you and Shindo were fucking, that’s where I thought your story was going to go,” Kojiro laughed nervously and looked away. “Sorry if I… misread all that, Kaoru.”
“N-no, it’s not-- you didn’t--” Kaoru sighed in exasperation and closed his eyes. He tried to even his breathing and counted silently. He got to four before he felt Kojiro shift and move in closer toward him, the bassist’s grip tightening on his hands. Kaoru heard his shaking breathing and the heat coming from his mouth, his eyes stayed closed out of nervousness.
“Can… can I kiss you?” Kojiro sounded terrified, his voice trembling and his hands shaking. Kaoru felt like he was floating, like he’d been pushed off a cliff but had been saved by a green cloud named Kojiro Nanjo. His lips twitched in anxiety as he nodded. Kojiro felt warm against him, his mouth quivering as he slowly found the perfect fit against Kaoru. It took them a few tries, quiet chuckles coming out as they figured things out. But once they slotted together it seemed to come naturally, Kaoru feeling as though he had truly been lifted off the ground. He made a quiet noise of approval when Kojiro moved his hands up onto his cheeks, holding on over them as though he’d float away without the lifeline.
“Kojiro…” Kaoru whispered his name when they finally broke apart what felt like eons later. Nothing might have changed in the world during that kiss, but both Kaoru and Kojiro were different people after it.
“That was… amazing.” Kojiro couldn’t help the big, goofy smile off his face, sheepishly looking away before glancing back at Kaoru.
“Y-yeah,” Kaoru blushed, pushing his head forward to rest against the other boy. “I… liked it.”
“...Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
Kaoru initiated their second kiss, then their third and their fourth. He found himself sitting up so he could sit on Kojiro’s lap on the pavement, wrapping his arms around the other’s neck as he squeezed him affectionately around his waist.
“This is not what I imagined would happen when I came here tonight,” Kaoru laughed softly and rested his head on Kojiro’s shoulder when they broke apart.
“Me either,” Kojiro chuckled in agreement and pressed his thumbs into Kaoru’s lower back. “But next time… if you’re sad, or scared, or angry , or whatever… You can call me. Doesn’t matter what time it is.”
Kaoru felt warmth shoot through his chest and veins. He hugged Kojiro’s neck gratefully and nodded before burying his face against him. He knew they should be heading home soon to prepare for school, but the thought of leaving the park filled him with a sense of absolute dread.
“Want to skate a little?” Kojiro murmured as he stroked Kaoru’s hair and nuzzled his face against his shoulder.
“Yes. I’d like that.”
They were slow to stand but stayed still against one another as they looked into each other’s eyes. Kaoru knew he had said he’d never make this mistake again, and part of him was fearful despite the good feelings Kojiro gave him. But as they stood together while the sun rose, he was willing to let his heart open and let him in.
**
Nozaki and Hiromi found out about Kaoru and Kojiro at precisely the same time, one week after the night at the skatepark. They’d gone down the hall to the vending machines in the studio, giving the guitarist and bassist seemingly enough time to steal a few soft kisses. Kaoru laughing at a dumb joke Kojiro told him in his ear led to them not hearing the door handle turning, nor their bandmates’ small gasps of surprise when they saw them cuddled up to one another by their amps.
“Oh, god ,” Hiromi made a face but was clearly messing with them, shaking his head in quiet affirmation that he’d known something was up between them. “I knew you two were getting chummy, didn’t know it was like this .”
Nozaki seemed to have known as well. He smiled at Kaoru, and Kaoru knew there was jealousy in his gaze, but also happiness. Nozaki had known how much it destroyed him when Ainosuke left, and the bond that had been shattered by their former bassist’s lackadaisical attitude towards them about the whole thing.
“Don’t… you dare let this get in the way of the band,” he warned them, attempting to feign a sternness all of Black Water knew he wasn’t capable of. Nozaki was a puppy, a cute puppy who had the intimidation of one rolling around on its back because it couldn’t get up. “You hear me? If you two break up and cause shit, I’m killing you both .”
“Yeah, yeah,” Kaoru waved off their vocalist flippantly and tried to hide the embarrassed blush on his face as he stepped away from Kojiro and fiddled with his strings. They’d been so careful all week and hadn’t been caught… or had they? Hiromi was boasting happily to Kojiro about how he’d noticed right away, noticing they’d been eating lunch together at school, studying in the library on one side of the booth. Could he have possibly seen them holding hands once they got far enough away from campus?
“Hey, Sakurayashiki,” Nozaki approached him with the same sad smile on his face. Kaoru shot him a look that he desperately hoped conveyed a sense of ‘I know how this looks, and I promise I didn’t just use you when we made out.’ Nozaki threw his hands up in gentle surrender, nodding when he understood the unspoken apology. “I… got some news today from my contact with the competition. I don’t think you’re going to be thrilled about it.”
“Oh?” Kaoru tensed up and felt panic creeping into his mind.
“Um… Shindo is going to be competing. He’s playing with that new band none of us heard about.”
Kaoru felt as though the world had been ripped out from under him. He dropped his guitar pick and would have sent the instrument crashing to the floor if he didn’t have it strapped around his back. He stared at Nozaki in disbelief, only hearing the sound of his pounding heartbeat in his ears.
“What do you mean? What… do you mean, Nozaki?” Kaoru balled his fists and felt his heart jumping uncomfortably up into his throat. “He’s supposed to be gone . He fucking left. He fucking left us!”
Hiromi and Kojiro looked at the two of them in surprise. Hiromi was surprised, though definitely not as worked up as Kaoru was. He held a scowl on his face and crossed his arms as Nozaki frowned and nodded.
“Apparently, he and his family are back temporarily. He reached out to me last night to see if… he could play in the competition with us. I told him to fuck off.” Nozaki shook his head and pulled out his phone. “He sent me this stupid picture a week ago of a stage. Said he was… thinking of me? Nothing else, didn’t respond when I texted him back.”
Kaoru nearly hissed when he registered what Nozaki had said. “He sent me a picture of a skatepark. Said the same fucking thing.”
“Jeez, I got a stage too, ‘Zaki,” Hiromi said with a grumble.” I didn’t respond. How ‘bout you, Sakurayashiki?”
“ Fuck no,” Kaoru spat, rubbing his eyes anxiously. He jumped in frustration when he remembered he had eyeliner on, swearing again quietly under his breath. “What the fuck was he thinking? That we’d just… welcome him back with open arms after he did?!”
“I guess,” Nozaki murmured. “I have no idea what his goal was, or if it was just a ploy to piss us all off.”
“Well, he succeeded. Fuck him. Guys… we have to win the competition. I mean, we already had to, but now?” Kaoru looked around at his bandmates angrily, smeared eyeliner and all, and grunted. “Fuck. Him. We’re going to kick them into the dirt .”
Black Water seemed to be in unanimous agreement. Practice continued, but it was far from regular. Each member of the band played as though their lives depended on it, none of them feeling a stronger sense of harmony before, even when remembering their best shows. They surely had never done this well when Ainosuke was around, and Kaoru proclaimed they could only go up from there.
Despite his gusto, however, Kaoru was still mortified at the prospect of seeing Ainosuke again. Even before Kojiro, he’d been doing his best to not think about him, to not dwell on the awful way he’d treated him before disappearing. It had been no easy task given how close Kaoru thought they’d been; it was like being forced to unlearn years and years of behavior and feelings nearly overnight. It had been painful, and Kaoru was certainly still recovering from the whiplash of Ainosuke’s departure from his life.
Kaoru and Kojiro walked home together after their studio session ended. It was raining, and neither had the proper wheels on their skateboards to go boarding in the rain. Kaoru wore Kojiro’s school sweatshirt with the hood pulled up and his own uniform jacket over it ( “I don’t want you to be soaking wet on the way home…” ), and had Kojiro’s hand held in his own inside the front pocket.
“How’re you feeling, Kaoru?” Kojiro murmured to him softly as they stopped for a red light and waited for their queue to walk. Kaoru sighed and shook his head.
“Like shit. I can’t believe he’s coming back. And pulling all this shit that he’s pulling.”
Kojiro nodded and squeezed Kaoru’s hand affectionately. “You don’t have to talk to him when you see him, you know.”
Kaoru knew he was right, but there was a nagging feeling inside of him as the crosswalk light changed. He held onto Kojiro’s hand and followed him wordlessly until they got to the other side.
“Remember how I told you that Nozaki wanted me to sing?” When Kojiro nodded he scoffed. “It was because Ainosuke told me he didn’t think I should. He said that ‘I should leave it to someone who’s really good at it.’ What a fucking joke.”
“Shindo told you you shouldn’t sing?” Kojiro looked back at him with a deep frown. “Why would he do that?”
“Who knows,” Kaoru grumbled, quickening his pace so they were standing side by side while they walked. “I sang all the time before he left. Never did backups for Nozaki or anything, but I used to sing our songs when I practiced. But then… one day he began making these faces when he heard me singing. I remember he said once: ‘Wow, I’m glad Nozaki is our vocalist. I’m glad you don’t have to be burdened with that responsibility, Kaoru…’”
“Yeesh, what a prick,” Kojiro scowled and removed his hand from the front pocket of his hoodie on Kaoru’s body, wrapping his arm around his side. “You should sing more just to spite him, then.”
“Wanna hear me sing, big guy?” Kaoru felt immense comfort from Kojiro’s touch, appreciating how safe and guarded the other boy made him feel with such a simple gesture.
“Yeah, I would. Only if you want, though,” Kojiro replied quietly, squeezing Kaoru’s side with a smile. Kaoru’s entire body blushed and he sheepishly and jokingly pushed Kojiro off of him with a scoff. The other boy laughed from his belly and just resumed the same walking position as before with his hand holding Kaoru’s inside the pocket of his hoodie.
“By the way… does this mean that you’re my boyfriend now?” Kojiro spoke quietly as they came up to Kaoru’s family home.
“Wh--” Kaoru physically jumped and looked at Kojiro with a small scowl. “We’ve been together for a week !”
“You never said that! We never said it out loud !” Kojiro crossed his arms defiantly.
“So you make out and fool around with someone for a week and they’re not your boyfriend?!”
“ Will you be my boyfriend?!” Kojiro balled his fists and leaned forward towards Kaoru with red cheeks and slightly shaking shoulders. “I want to hear you say it !”
Kaoru felt his lips trembling in happy anxiety. His stance softened and he peered away in embarrassment as he stepped closer to Kojiro so they were standing under the covered part of his porch.
“You… really want to be with me?” His voice was quiet and threatened to shake.
“Y-yeah! Duh! Why do you think I’ve been picking you up every morning and walking you home every damn day?” Kojiro let out an exasperated laugh.
“I don’t know! Maybe you just wanted extra physical time with me,” Kaoru mumbled, though he immediately knew that was never Kojiro’s intention. The boy brought him a homemade breakfast every single morning and also made countless snacks to bring to school for during the day. He held his hand even when they were just sitting on the rooftop on campus eating their lunch and under the tables at the library when they studied.
“No, Kaoru, that’s not it,” Kojiro shook his head and took Kaoru’s hands in his own. “I… really like you. I haven’t ever felt this way about anyone before! You make me feel like I’m going to throw up--”
“WHAT ?! I make you feel like what ?!”
“Oh my god, that came out wrong… also, let me finish!” Kojiro was definitely shaking now, hands tightening on Kaoru’s. “You make me feel like I’m gonna hurl… but in a good way?! Being with you just. Feels right. Like I don’t have to worry about my future or if something bad’s going to happen.”
Kaoru was shell-shocked. He knew he’d float away at this moment if Kojiro wasn’t holding onto him.
“You mean a lot to me too,” he blurted out quickly, nearly jumping into Kojiro’s arms and tightening his arms around his neck. Kaoru breathed in his scent and trembled. “I’m sorry I make you feel like you’re gonna fucking puke though…”
“That’s--that’s okay!” Kojiro laughed and returned the tight squeeze around Kaoru’s back. “...So? Will you…?”
“Yes, idiot,” Kaoru replied with a shake of his head before he brought Kojiro’s face in alignment with his own and kissed him. It felt different than the countless other times they’d kissed in the past week but was similar to the first time at the skatepark in the way that Kaoru’s entire body felt like it was on fire when their lips met.
“I promise to be so good to you, Kaoru,” Kojiro spoke softly as they stayed locked in each other’s arms. “The best I can be.”
“Me too, ‘Jiro. Do you want to come in?”
“Eh? Is that okay?” Kojiro looked at the front door with wide eyes.
“Yeah, my parents know about me. We don’t have to tell them right away,” Kaoru murmured, sheepishly squeezing his boyfriend’s hands. “But… they’ve heard about you.”
“What have you told them?” Kojiro asked nervously as he eventually nodded. As Kaoru unlocked the door he laughed.
“Told them all about how you felt me up in the stairwell during lunch,” Kaoru said quietly, turning his head slowly to see the other’s reaction. Kojiro snarled and buried his face in his hands.
“It’s like that with your family?! What in the world…”
“No, moron, I wouldn’t tell them something like that!” Kaoru sighed playfully and let them into the house. He left out the fact that he had indeed told his sister about that, and how they’d almost had sex already multiple times, but he thought Kojiro might faint if he did. “They know about how you took over for our last bassist and how you like to skate. My mom wants to tell you to be careful, so heads up.”
“She and my mom need to get together and chat,” Kojiro chuckled, slipping off his shoes in the doorway. “Are they home?”
“Hmm. MOM! DAD! MOMO!”
“ What?!”
“Momo’s home,” Kaoru confirmed, hearing her voice from upstairs.
“Kaoru?” His mom’s head poked out from her office on the first floor, a phone to her ear and her hand covering the mouthpiece. “I’m on the phone, be out in a minute!”
“Dad must still be at work. Wanna go to my room?”
All blood in Kojiro’s body seemed to be in his face. He looked at his mom’s office door and pointed with a shaking finger. “Aren’t your mom and sister home?!”
Kaoru was flattered by Kojiro thinking he’d undress him the first time in his bedroom, but even Kaoru had better sense than to fool around in a house full of people. “We’re just gonna relax. You’re gonna have to take me on a few dates before we do anything like that, big guy.” Kaoru winked and motioned for his boyfriend to follow him up the stairs. They passed all of his and Momo’s baby pictures on the walls, showcasing that their mother’s genes were strong in this family with both of her children being almost identical copies of her. Kaoru wondered if Kojiro thought it strange that their dad was just a normal, dark-haired man with glasses…
“Oh my god… you were so rotund .” Kojiro stopped at a picture that definitely had to be Kaoru when he was about eight months old.
“I was like, ten pounds when I was born,” Kaoru chuckled, regarding the picture that made him look like a big, round, pink circle.
“You were… so cute. My youngest sister looked like that, too.”
Kaoru took his boyfriend’s hand and led him into his room. With a flick of the light switch, his collection of punk rock posters and pieces with traditional art and calligraphy were revealed. What caught his eyes first was Kaoru’s desk was littered with practice pieces from a sketchbook with different calligraphy fonts.
“You do calligraphy?” Kojiro gently picked up some of the papers and looked them over. “These are really pretty, Kaoru!”
“Umm, a bit. The art club has tried to recruit me for three years.”
“Why haven’t you joined?” Kojiro looked up in genuine wonder.
“Ehh, the band, skating, being a mysterious bad boy who doesn’t have time for school clubs. You know,” Kaoru chuckled, going to his desk chair and taking a seat. “I’m not big into needing an organization in order to make art.”
“Mmm, but you’re in an organized band,” Kojiro winked softly and set the papers back down on the desk.
“Shut up. That’s different. We’re not mainstream.”
“Never say never, Kaoru!” Kojiro went to the bed and sat down. “Comfy.”
Kaoru fought a blush and turned to face him. “So… what do you want to do?”
“Hmmm.” Kojiro looked around his room. Kaoru could have sworn he saw an excited sparkle in the other’s eyes as he eyed his things like a kid in a candy store. “Show me some more of your calligraphy. We could turn some music on too if you want.”
“Grab that notebook under the bed,” Kaoru said, pointing to the foot of the bed. He turned around and opened his laptop and turned on some instrumental music from his streaming library, turning it down low so they could still hear each other. He joined Kojiro as the other started flipping through the sketchbook.
“These are beautiful,” Kojiro said quietly, regarding the pieces in the front of the book that showcased names. He read out Nozaki, Hiromi, and Ainosuke; Kaoru flinched when he remembered that that was in there. When he moved to take the notebook and tear it out, Kojiro gently stopped him and smiled. “It’s still pretty and you worked hard on it. I don’t think you should toss it.”
Kaoru nodded and sheepishly put his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder as he continued looking through the pages. The other boy let out small gasps and sounds of surprise when he came across certain sayings, pointing excitedly when he saw song lyrics from the band.
“You’re so talented, Kaoru!” As they neared the end of the sketchbook, Kojiro set it on his lap and wrapped him up in his arms. “These are gorgeous. Maybe someday… you can… add my name in here!”
Kaoru took a few pages in his fingers and skipped over them, revealing one of the latest additions. It was Kojiro’s first and last name in his most beautiful font written over a watercolor tiger that Kaoru had painted. Kojiro sucked in some air and didn’t say anything, his fingertips lightly tracing over the kanji for his name.
“Every day you surprise me,” he said quietly, looking at Kaoru with a smile that could melt icebergs. Kaoru made a small squeak with his mouth and buried his face against Kojiro as his boyfriend hugged him. “I don’t know if I could handle you singing to me right now…”
“Subtle,” Kaoru scoffed with a gentle laugh and looked up at Kojiro. “What do you want me to sing?”
“Oh god, I was actually serious,” Kojiro replied quickly, setting his sketchbook on the bed beside him. “You might make me fall totally in love with you.”
“Do you… ever think before you speak?” Kaoru blinked his eyes rapidly in disbelief at Kojiro’s words. “You’re such a damn flirt, you know that?”
“How can I look at someone so beautiful, and smart, and creative without my brain going out the window?” Kojiro leaned into the accusation and gently ran his pointer finger along Kaoru’s jaw to his chin, tilting it up for a kiss. Kaoru melted into the kiss but quickly grunted and playfully pushed him off.
“Now I’m going to puke,” he scoffed, standing up and walking over to his laptop. He needed the distraction from Kojiro’s overload of sappy affections to make the butterflies in his stomach go away. He couldn’t tell him this early on that he ached for such sweet words and that it made his insides feel like mush even if Kojiro was joking. “Any… preference?”
“Hmmm. I hear our songs all the time, so maybe one you really like. Something that makes you smile when you sing or hear it.”
“God, you’re so embarrassing ,” Kaoru said through gritted teeth, not letting Kojiro see the stupid smile that spread across his lips. He scrolled through his library of instrumental music until a familiar title came on the screen. “Um… okay. This one. It’s in English, and it’s from a musical. But I really like this one. Also, I’m going to have to look at the wall or something. I still can’t just sing like that in front of one person.”
“Even if it’s me?” He could hear the jest and wink in Kojiro’s voice so Kaoru shot him the bird over his shoulder.
“Yes. Give it time, big guy.”
The intro to the song started and Kaoru balled his fists to keep them from shaking. He didn’t know why this was such a big deal for him, why it was so terrifying still to sing in front of someone. He continued to hear Ainosuke’s words in his ear though as his queue came up to begin the lyrics, so he pinched himself and shook his head lightly.
“ I’ve heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. And we are led to those who help us most to grow if we let them, and we help them in return. ”
Kaoru was a tenor, his voice noticeably higher than Kojiro’s but nowhere near the countertenor range. He kept his eyes closed and felt himself choking up the more words he sang out, but clenching his hands together and furiously reminding himself that Kojiro was sitting behind him helped his nerves tremendously.
“ Well I don’t know if I believe that’s true. But I know I’m who I am today because I knew you .” Kaoru stopped, eyes shooting open and his head falling back as he steadied his breath. What in the hell was wrong with him…
“Keep going. Please,” Kojiro spoke quietly from behind him. Kaoru turned slightly and looked at him, nearly keeling over from the look of abject affection and reverence on the other’s face. He turned back to face the wall and nodded, deciding to skip ahead just a bit in the song.
“ It well may be that we’ll never meet again in this lifetime. So let me say before we part, so much of me is made of what I learned from you. You’ll be with me like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end, I know you have rewritten mine by being my friend .”
Kojiro dropped his teasing attitude from before as he stood up and came to stand behind Kaoru, wrapping him up in an embrace. “Thanks for sharing that with me, Kaoru. Your voice is so, so beautiful.”
Unable to help himself, he squeezed his hands over Kojiro’s on his abdomen and leaned back against the other. “You’re not just saying that?” He murmured self-consciously, wincing at how unbearably pitiful he felt he needed the clarification from somebody who, to his knowledge, had never lied to him.
“Promise. I won’t make you feel uncomfy and spill my guts about how much I really loved it,” Kojiro teased lightly, pinching Kaoru’s cheek before he kissed it, “but you’re incredible. Shindo is an idiot.”
“I’m sorry for sounding needy. I fucking hate it,” Kaoru murmured, turning around and pressing his face into Kojiro’s chest. “I’m working on it.”
“You don’t have to apologize! It’s okay to be insecure. We’re both new to each other, things will take time.”
Kaoru felt like it was all a dream to be with Kojiro. He didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky, and it was hard to picture anything better than this.
**
Kaoru paced the floor of the makeshift greenroom. Nozaki had his arms crossed and was silently begging him to stop while Hiromi and Kojiro joked quietly amongst themselves. They were waiting backstage at the venue for the final competition and were set to be the second-to-last band before Ainosuke’s.
“Sakurayashiki. Sit. Please. I’m begging you.”
“Yeah, well, I can’t right now.” Kaoru huffed and ran his hands through his hair. “I’m losing my fucking mind.”
“Well, you need to chill. We don’t go on for an hour. Relax.”
“What if he tries to come talk to us? What are we going to say ?” Kaoru looked desperately at their vocalist. “I don’t… even want to hear him, much less see him.”
“You don’t have to see him if you don’t want to, Kaoru,” Kojiro spoke up, looking at him sternly. “I can make sure of that.”
Kaoru couldn’t deny that his boyfriend’s words were comforting. He took a shaky breath and put his head in his hands, anxiously running his tongue over the piercing on his lip. “I’m sorry, guys. This isn’t going to affect my playing, I promise. I’m just… nervous.”
Kojiro crossed the greenroom and comfortingly wrapped his arms around Kaoru. The hug was a bit stiff considering their bandmates were around, but he rubbed his back and tried to soothe him as best he could.
“Don’t think about him. He has no control over you, sweetheart.” Kojiro whispered so only Kaoru could hear him, making Kaoru feel like his heart was exploding in his chest. “You’re going to fucking kill it and we’re going to beat them.”
“Thanks, ‘Jiro.”
“Want to take a walk?” They’d taken up power walks during stressful band practices within the last two weeks when they didn’t have enough time to skate (and after they’d gotten chewed out by the studio employees by skating outside).
“Yeah. We’ll be back, Nozaki.”
“Don’t go far. You two better not be late coming back! And keep your ringer on in case I text you!”
Kaoru (mostly) playfully shot Nozaki the bird and took Kojiro’s waiting hand. They ducked in and out of the crowd outside the greenroom and made it to the front of the venue with little issue despite the sheer number of people who had shown up to watch. All the fans made Kaoru even more anxious than he already was, never one to be good in front of that many people. He squeezed Kojiro’s hand fretfully and shot him a look that silently pleaded ‘ get me out of here .’
Kojiro knew about Kaoru’s social anxiety and nodded understandingly, guiding them down the sidewalk a bit at a brisk pace. He stopped them in front of a convenience store two blocks down. When they headed inside, he picked up Kaoru’s favorite snacks without even needing to ask.
“Thank you,” Kaoru thanked him quietly, watching as Kojiro pulled out his wallet to pay. He felt bad, knowing a lot of his boyfriend’s money went to help out his siblings if their parents said no to something or couldn’t afford it, so he gently took the other’s wallet and put it away, retrieving his own instead with a soft smile.
“You buy me stuff all the time. Pick out your favorites, too.”
They walked slowly back towards the venue as they munched on their food. Kaoru had already been over his fears with Kojiro a million times by now, expressing his fear that Ainosuke might try to act like what he’d done hadn’t been bad or potentially something worse. Kojiro had learned about the dangerous tricks he tried to get Kaoru to do when they skated together or took them to sketchy, unsafe places. Kojiro had angrily said he never wanted to meet him face-to-face because he might knock his lights out, and it was the only possible thing that could have made Kaoru feel better and smile after unloading all of that.
“I know it hurt when he left, sweetheart… but I’m glad this guy’s gone. He sounds like really bad news.”
Kaoru was quiet. He’d gone along with all of the crazy things Ainosuke had tried to get him to do because he thought they’d been friends. Hindsight is always 20/20, and now the memories of their hangouts made him want to crawl into a hole somewhere and never emerge again. Kojiro never outwardly judged him for the things Kaoru told him, but it still stung when his boyfriend made a certain face when the topic came up.
“Well, I don’t have to worry about it anymore. He’s--”
Kaoru looked up from the bag of chips he was making sure was empty and froze. Ainosuke was standing outside the venue in the smoking section, a lit cigarette in his fingers and his old white hoodie on his shoulders. He was surrounded by who Kaoru thought to be the new band he was playing with and had a big smile on his face as though he were telling a joke.
“Kaoru?” Kojiro stopped when he walked a few feet ahead and realized he wasn’t beside him. “You okay?”
Kaoru’s face was going through a rush of emotions, first fear, then sadness, and quickly anger. He clutched the empty chip bag in his hand but stayed rooted to the ground, forcing his mouth to stay closed so he didn’t call out. He saw his boyfriend follow his line of sight to the person standing against the building and his brow furrowed.
“Is that him? Is that Shindo?”
Kaoru nodded and tried to even his breathing. He was not about to have it out here with Ainosuke in the middle of the damn street, there were far too many people around, and he wanted to avoid confrontation if at all possible. But a large part of him also needed and wanted closure. Ainosuke needed to know that he hurt him even if it didn’t matter to him. Or at least, Kaoru wanted to make it known.
Kojiro took his hand once again and squeezed lovingly. “I’m right here, Kaoru.”
They made their way back towards the front doors of the venue, nearly making it inside without Ainosuke noticing them, until…
“Kaoru!” Ainosuke put out his cigarette and cooly walked over just before they were able to show the employee their band access lanyards. “Good to see you. Who is… this?” Ainosuke’s piercing red irises burned into Kaoru as he looked at him and then Kojiro up and down.
“Shindo.” Kaoru chose to reply with the other’s surname and immediately noticed that Ainosuke was taken aback by that.
“Hmm, what’s with the cold shoulder, Kaoru? Haven’t you missed me? Aren’t you happy to see me?”
Kaoru could feel Kojiro making to move beside him but he just squeezed his hand and shook his head. He was going to make this short and sweet so he could get out of Ainosuke’s presence as quickly as possible.
“You… really hurt me. You devastated me with how you left. I’m not ready… to speak to you right now.” Kaoru heard his voice shaking, he felt like the world could fall out from under him at any moment. Ainosuke just stared at him with his mouth open slightly, and that made Kaoru even angrier. “I don’t know if I ever will be. Goodbye, Shindo.”
Kaoru pulled Kojiro through the door of the venue and the tears threatened to fall. He sucked in a quiet sob but followed his boyfriend back to the bathrooms, falling into his arms after the door was locked behind them.
“You handled that so well, sweetheart,” Koiro praised him, hugging around his shoulders tightly and rubbing Kaoru’s back. “You’re incredible.”
“I did not want to run into him,” Kaoru replied, burying his nose in Kojiro’s neck. He trembled as just a few tears flowed from his eyes and onto his shirt. “But I’m glad I wasn’t alone. Thank you… so much.”
“Look at me, Kaoru,” Kojiro guided him gently, lifting up Kaoru’s chin and running along his jaw with his warm hands. “I’m by your side no matter what.”
They kissed softly at first, but the appreciation and love for Kojiro quickly spread through Kaoru and he intensified it with a bite to the other’s bottom lip.
“Come over to my house after the show?” he murmured, sliding his palm down Kojiro’s chest and trailing it down until he touched his dick over his jeans. Kojiro was dumbstruck but nodded stupidly and buried his face in his hands as Kaoru kissed his cheek and unlocked the bathroom door.
When they returned to the greenroom, Nozaki was now pacing and looking at the door anxiously.
“I called both of you! Where the hell were you, we only have five minutes left!” He jumped up and pointed at Kaoru and Kojiro as they came through holding hands.
“Ran into Shindo outside,” Kojiro said with a scowl, pressing a kiss to Kaoru’s hand before breaking away and picking up his guitar case.
“Oh, fuck … I’m sorry.” Nozaki visibly deflated and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “How’d it g-go?”
“Wasn’t drawn out,” Kaoru replied, taking the case from his boyfriend and setting it on a table to unzip. “Told him to fuck off in a short way. But… I have another way I want to.”
“What? Do you mean? Sakurayashiki, we have three minutes until we go on stage. What do you mean?!”
When Black Water took the stage just five minutes later, Kaoru saw how Kojiro smiled at him from his microphone. The bassist had just given him the hottest, sloppiest kiss for good luck just behind the black stage curtain, and the guitarist’s cheeks still burned from where his boyfriend had managed to get his hands on him despite their instruments. Kaoru wasn’t sure if Ainosuke would even hear him, or if he’d be watching their set at all, but tonight he was going to take the lead vocals on Piece of Me . It was the closure Kaoru decided he wanted and could give himself.
He also wanted the first time he and Kojiro sang together to be on stage where everyone could hear them.