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The doctor was a few words away from spelling out that they may be infertile.
When Mia arbitrarily decided that it’s time for them to have an addition to their family, this was not the news they expected to hear from the gynecologist.
Ethan wanted to feel some warmth on his cold sweaty hand but couldn’t muster the courage to reach out and cover Mia’s.
The doctor assured them that their current situation was far from hopeless and explained that it originated from two main factors; one of them being the hideous trauma that conveniently wrecked their biology and another being the commonly known fact that Omega-Beta couples have low reproducibility. Mia appeared calm and understanding while listening, but Ethan knew that Mia has an unconscious habit of pursing her lips when she is trying to contain and that she’s putting on a mere façade.
Mia, being a Beta, understood well that it is difficult for her to conceive a child through an Omega partner. Her biology works best with her own gender, although that never bothered either of them. Their chances were slim from the beginning, but it minimized catastrophically after the Dulvey incident. According to the doctor, their gender dynamics became a hard hurdle since Ethan could not get into a rut while his partner is incapable of going into heat, which is equivalent to them working on how to start a fire with bare bones and leaves. Technically speaking, although rare, male Omegas are physiologically capable of going into rut. Ethan asked the doctor for ways to enter into a rut. He’d try any of them.
“Mr Winters, I understand your concern. However, an Omega rut is not independent of their heat cycle. Usually, Omega might go into a rut if they’re in heat,” the doctor pauses. “But from our discussion, it seems that you have not entered into heat for nearly a year, which quite frankly, is abnormal even for an Omega your age.”
Mia pursed her lips tighter, fine lines formed around the edge like scratch marks.
“Ethan used to go into heat like every quarter of the year, which was less frequent than an average Omega anyway,” she said and turned to Ethan. “Am I right, honey?”
“Well, that’s before you went missing, after that it became biannual- “
“Right, so I’m the cause for your reduced heat cycles,” Mia replies sharply. “Which led to our current situation - “
“You know that’s not what I meant, Mia,” Ethan said in a hushed tone. “Just relax.”
Mia looked like she was about to erupt at the word “relax” but her attention was caught by the doctor standing up. The doctor took the reports that clearly belonged to the Winters and sat back in her chair.
“Unmarked bonds, such as yourself, requires higher emotional compatibility from both parties in order to conceive a child. I am in no position to comment on the effectiveness of the psychotherapy sessions that took place, but it seems that the couple counseling has to be further reinforced before we are ready to attempt anything deeper than our current discussion,” The doctor said politely. “However, we are here today to answer each other’s inquiries and provide legitimate suggestions. So, I am all ears for what the two of you are actually after.”
“We want a child,” Mia answers immediately while Ethan rubs his face tiredly.
“Yes, that was our discussion’s starting point. From your recent medical checkups, I would comment again that the chances for that to occur with your current dynamics is rather low.”
“Right, so currently I can’t get pregnant by Ethan,” Mia reiterates. “How about the other way around?”
At this suggestion, Ethan’s eyes widened to the size of saucepans.
Betas in general are perfectly capable of reproduction, but Beta females are branched to two types, (1) those that can inseminate and be impregnated, and (2) those that can be impregnated. Mia is the latter. That’s why they went with Ethan being the inseminating party.
“According to your report, your biology strand does not include the capability to inseminate. So, the reverse is technically impossible.” The doctor disposed of the possibility swiftly, but Mia seemed unperturbed.
“Okay… Look, I really want your professional advice on something.”
Mia glanced over at Ethan almost apologetically. Ethan could feel a drop in his stomach. Whatever Mia was about to ask, he probably won’t like it.
“Ask away.”
“My husband is an Omega and according to the reports, I noticed that he’s still technically fertile?”
“He is perfectly fertile. Although his heat cycles are rather abnormal, which in the long run may affect his childbearing functionalities. The infertility observation I previously provided was in reference to your current relationship dynamics.”
Ethan has a feeling that both Mia and the doctor knew what the impending topic is regarding his secondary gender, and he is the only one left in the dark.
“So, I’ve been thinking about this for some time now,” Mia placed her hand on Ethan’s, as though she’s offering him some comfort before terror strikes, or a grip on him so that he won’t escape. “Under Ethan’s current condition, how good are the chances for him to conceive a child, if it’s with an Alpha?”
In hindsight, Ethan’s mind seemed to have lost connection after hearing that sentence. Any recollection of the following conversation between Mia and the doctor was hazy, although far from inaccurate.
“It’s absolutely possible, Omega’s reproduction levels are usually higher when paired with Alphas. This is taking into account that an Omega don’t need to enter into heat to be impregnated by an Alpha, unlike other genders. Based on fair observation, Mr Winters have a much higher chance of conceiving a child if it’s with a potent Alpha.”
“I hear a “but” in your sentence, Doctor.”
“But Mr Winters’ mental state has deteriorated substantially since the traumatic incident… Omegas have a unique disposition where their bodies may release a toxin that could destroy active sperms if the host deems it as a hostile invasion. Quite a remarkable self-protecting mechanism developed through evolution.”
Mia responded that she’s aware of this, she’s actually well-versed in biology due to her previous line of work.
The doctor indulged in more of Mia’s queries which revolved around the Alpha-Omega mating behavior, pregnancy period, aftercare, child parenting until Ethan finally snapped out of his daze and said, “Do I have some say in this?”
The doctor glanced over at him with some concern behind those thick cold spectacles. Mia stopped speaking too, but she didn’t face Ethan.
“Of course, Mr Winters. This is a grave discussion involving your autonomy. Whatever we are sharing here not only may affect you and your partners’ future, but more importantly, yours.”
“Yea, I get that.” Ethan said quietly. “It’s just, I didn’t expect the discussion to take such a turn. If I want a child, I want it to be between me and Mia. Not with some random Alpha.” Mia squeezed his hand a bit, the reassuring type of squeeze.
The doctor nodded and faced Mia.
“Mrs Winters… Mia.” The doctor corrected herself under Mia’s insistence. “I think it’s better if you discuss this with your husband privately. This method is not exactly uncommon, but I understand that it’s not readily accepted by everybody.”
And then she faced Ethan.
“Ethan. This may sound harsh but, although you are currently fertile, your age represents a proportionate risk to any offspring that you may produce. No matter if you are the inseminating or childbearing role in this situation, the older you are, the higher the risk of exposing your offspring to hereditary diseases. I understand that this was one of Mia’s main concerns as well, which is why the both of you are in such a hurry to reach a solution.”
The Winters were quiet, merely nodded ceremoniously before taking their leave.
Mia didn’t let go of Ethan’s hand even after they left the doctor’s office, and Ethan relished the nostalgic warmth until they had to let go as they reached their car. Then the coldness in his stomach rose again, warning him of an upcoming feud.
Ethan thought about all the possible dialogue lines that may trigger Mia about the unfruitful appointment, so he kept quiet throughout the whole drive. He was anticipating for the inevitable and was ready to accept her simmering rage as soon as the front door closed behind them. He is glad to be the punching bag of their relationship and convinced himself that the days’ worth of trauma he received from the Baker residence was incomparable to Mia’s years of struggle in that rotting hellhole.
So, he was ready for the slicing remarks.
What he wasn’t ready was that after Mia put down her handbag, she sat at the couch and patted the seat next to her, a silent gesture for him to be by her side. Ethan complied, calming his own restlessness due to the unfamiliarity of the scenario.
“I’m sorry, Ethan.” Mia said suddenly, staring at the pitch-black television screen that shows their reflection.
“For what?”
“For not discussing with you what I had in mind before we went for the appointment. For putting you in a difficult spot and berating you for not cooperating immediately. For…” Her brows furrowed in the reflection. “For everything that has happened to you-”
“Hey hey, what’s with the sudden self-loathing, we don’t do that in this household,” Ethan jokes, but Mia is still looking at her reflection with an expression of unwavering determination. It’s as though she had made up her mind on something.
“I never gave you the apology you deserved.” Ethan tries to interrupt but Mia stops him. “Because I thought if I swept everything under the rug, we could go back to how we used to be.”
“… But we can’t.”
“Yeah, we can’t. Every day, I try to get you to shut up about the damn incident, because I thought you’re making things difficult for us by just talking about it,” Mia’s tone rose so she paused to regain her composure. “But I now realize how much I don’t remember. That way before the Bakers’, we got over each argument by talking everything out, and then we’d had dinner at the only half-decent restaurant in our neighborhood to call it a truce.”
Mia exhales a small laugh. Ethan could see her eyelashes fluttering like everything about her is crumbling.
“You were never the type to shut up, but I forgotten all about it. That’s why now I’m always so angry at you. Because – “
“Mia, wait -”
“- Because the Ethan Winters I thought I loved never existed. I kept thinking how you’re so different from what I remembered, but I was wrong. I forgot so many things I loved about you, Ethan. I forgot how evasive you are towards arguments, but you were never actually afraid to start one; how stubborn you are about things that mattered to you, how far you’d go for the answer you’re looking for even though it’s probably shitty; how you’re willing to sacrifice yourself for someone like…”
Mia stopped talking like she’s out of breath, but she seemed resolved to have this taken out of her system. This may be the only time where she’s willing to confront their problems once and for all.
Ethan could feel the bitterness in his mouth trickling down and forming icy shards in his stomach. He thought he’d be angry or frustrated to hear this confession, but there was only despair. Mia’s words are like glass shards scattered over the ground he had to walk through to reach the conclusion she prepared for him. This prolonged pain feels so much worse than just having an icicle spearing his throat, than just her going straight to the damn point. But after months of bickering and tongue lashing, this is the only time where he could see the light at the other end of the tunnel. He can finally see what lies ahead of them.
And it was a shitty dim light.
“You don’t love me anymore, do you?” Ethan squeezed out the words from the tight clenches of his teeth, the wetness in his tone makes him want to puke. “Is that what you’re trying to say?”
Mia turned around to face him, her expression soft with sadness.
“I do love you, Ethan. But I can’t love your virtues anymore.” Mia said while cupping Ethan’s cheeks. “I can no longer pretend to be the Mia you knew. That Mia who knew how to make you think I’m perfect for you.”
“But I don’t need you to pretend- “
“Because after all these years, you never changed. You’re still the man I married to, with all the attributes that made me felt like the luckiest girl in this world.” Mia’s eyes twinkles, like she used to do when she’s happy. “I can’t be that girl for you anymore, Ethan.”
The Mia you loved is long gone.
“T-then why, why the doctor appointment, why are we still t-trying,” Ethan starts sobbing, the conclusion presented to him felt like a death penalty. He could feel Mia hugging him, offering warmth to rid of the abysmal sadness that is overwhelming his limbs. It didn’t really work. He can’t even hug back.
“Because you deserve happiness, Ethan Winters.” Mia whispers, even amidst his broken dam of tears, he could tell that she was crying too. “You’re a family man, and I want you to be happy after all you’ve been through, goddamnit.”
“But I w-want it to be with you! Not with some f-fucking shithead Alpha that I don’t even know or give a shit about!”
“I will always be with you, sweetie.” Mia hugs him tighter. “We will always be family, remember?”
Ethan’s sobs subsided a bit before his voice bubbles up again.
“But are we still…” Ethan leans into Mia’s face in apparent confusion. His vision still blurry from all the tears. “We won’t be a couple anymore, right?”
Mia smiles tightly and kisses Ethan on the forehead, like sealing the fate that’s intended for them.
“We’ll be family, Ethan. That’s better for the both of us.” Mia said with wet cheeks. “You don’t have to lie to yourself anymore, ok?”
Ethan blinks at Mia’s knowing smile and finally nods.
He never did know Mia as well as she knew him. She knew his true struggles were the inability to accept their constant arguing and tension that made him lonelier than the three years Mia went missing. Deep down, he long accepted that this woman is not the same person he married to a decade ago. Mia did him a favor by speaking it out loud, telling himself that he needs to move on.
“Come on, let’s clean up. I’ll get dinner ready.” Mia gets up, marking the end of their current discussion. “We will talk about the baby later.”
Ironically this is one of the best dinners he had since the incident. Usually, their meals were served with complimentary cold shoulders or heavy tension. Some of the best meals Ethan had for the past few months was actually with Chris, where he’d pick Ethan up from the sorry state he’s in and off to somewhere further than Ethan’s willing to drive. The rowdy bars, niche cafes and depressing family restaurants served some decent meals. Though in Ethan’s opinion, they just tasted better because there’s actually someone who is willing to lend him an ear and sometimes a shoulder to cry on.
Ethan finished the last morsel of his baked potatoes and wondered if Chris will give him a hearty pat on his back for finally settling the score with Mia, or will the Alpha just quietly smoke his cigarette and give him an affirmative nod that spoke levels of platonic support.
Ethan had but a few Alpha acquaintances in the past (and now that the number of friends he has dwindled to less than a handful, Chris is the only one left), so he can’t say for sure if his friendship with Chris is based on a one-sided pity.
“I’ll wash the dishes,” Ethan said as Mia starts clearing the table. She opened her mouth but said nothing and went to make coffee instead.
The squeaking sponge and whirring coffee machine felt a lot more bearable tonight. Ethan cried a bit more in the shower, so his eyes are probably puffier than a rabbit’s. But he felt better than he had for the past months.
“I like this.”
“What’s that?”
“I said I like this. Us, not arguing.” Ethan pushes the sponge harder against a stubborn stain, creating more froth and squeaking noises.
There was no response to his statement for the next ten seconds so he thought there’s that.
“Yeah, me too.” Mia said quietly.
But now his vision is blurry again and his hands are covered in detergent bubbles, so he just nodded to himself, hoping that his tear ducts would get a clue and take a damn break.
“So, recapping what the doctor said today, the chances for us to get a baby is pretty much nil.” Mia summarized the situation with a light tone. “But at least we got some direction going on, starting with trying to find the right Alpha for you.”
Ethan nods slowly, the type of nod where he understood but don’t really know what to contribute. There was an awkward silence as Mia tried to list out the possible plans in her mind. Ethan was looking down at his hands, and finally something sparked in him.
“Do we really still need a baby, Mia?” Ethan asked, brows furrowing. “I mean, we tried to get one to save our relationship, but now, is this still really necessary?”
“Of course it's necessary, the baby will be our new family member. You’d have a child of your own.”
“But I have you, you’re still family.” Ethan said while gesturing to his coffee. “Like what’s wrong with that?”
“… You know what’s wrong, Ethan.” Mia said with a lower tone, but without any spite like she usually does during their fights. “You always wanted a child, and this was way before we even got married.”
Ethan looked like he’s ready to deny, but Mia stared at him straight in the eye, daring him to say anything that contradicted her statement.
“You thought you hid it really well, but I knew all about it. The way you’d look at those nuclear families in the park, grocery stores or even the stupid queue at the gelato stand. You wanted a child so, so bad but you didn’t want to make me feel guilty so you acted nonchalant.”
“No way. Look Mia, you’re overanalyzing things – “
“You’re so much more honest when you’re drunk, Ethan.” Mia said while rolling her eyes. “You’d hug the wine bottles and cry about how much you wanted a kid so that you can share a bottle with them when they’re grown up. And then you’d gush about how you’d celebrate their half birthday with the “bluest and pinkest cake”, and all the decorative ideas you already sketched out in excruciating detail – “
“I get it!” Ethan cried and covered his face with his hands. “God, I didn’t know I sounded that embarrassing.”
“You’re not embarrassing. I thought the ideas were cute.”
Silence fell again and Ethan kneaded his fingers in contemplation.
“We’ve been married for a decade now and I’ve always been fine with us not having kids.”
“That’s because I didn’t want kids, Ethan. Not because you were actually fine with the choice.” Mia sighed. “Plus, I’m a Beta and you’re an Omega, so it’s hard for us to have kids anyway.”
Mia took a sip out of her coffee and Ethan followed suit.
“Come on. From now on, let’s just be honest with each other to make things easier.” The brunette starts scribbling down whatever points she manages to recall from the appointment and Ethan mentally prepared himself for the possibly hours-long discussion ahead of them.
They considered sperm banks, Alpha donors, surrogacy, embryo and ovary donation, adoptions. But Ethan nodded to none of them. Mia expected this to happen so she wasn’t frustrated in any sense. But she did take a bottle of fruit wine to cool off the building tension.
Ethan is by no means a prude, but he’s on the conservative end when it comes to family. He believed that his child should be born and cared for by their loving parents. Part of it may be due to his Omega nature, but he’s firm on being personally involved in the child caring process from inception and that both parents should be devoting themselves fully for the child’s best interest. Idealistic but not irrational. So, they struck out a couple of bullet points off the list.
Another factor they have to consider is Ethan’s inherent distrust towards Alphas, which deepened ever since he was grievously assaulted by the Baker family Alphas and monsters. He’s downright uncomfortable about having a child with stranger, more so with an Alpha that he doesn’t know or care about. So, any method involving an anonymous Alpha received a “no” from the stubborn omega. Mia crumpled the paper into a ball and threw it into the trash bin.
“Sorry. I’m being difficult.” Ethan murmured as he held onto his still full wine glass.
“No, you’re not. This is a baby we’re talking about; your opinion matters the most. It’s good that we’re going through the options.” Mia reassured and drank her glass dry.
“I’m not against Alphas altogether. Just thinking that it’s probably better if it’s someone I already knew and had a judgement on their character.” Ethan sipped on his wine. “Like an Alpha I can trust to be at least half-decent.”
“Really? I’m not sure if people would easily agree to father their friend’s baby though. And we are talking about as many encounters until you’re pregnant.”
Both of them made a mirroring uncomfortable expression at the end of her sentence. But eventually Mia drank from her coffee and shrugged, saying if that’s how it’s gonna be, so be it. Ethan stared at his black liquid with a scrunched nose.
“Well, I stand by it. Plus, we won’t know if we don’t try.”
“Right, so anybody you have in mind for now?” Ethan pondered and lowered his head. Mia’s guessing the answer is a “no”. “If there aren’t any, maybe we can start making one. We can always try out those matchmaking or dating sites, see if anybody is interested in being a contributor.” Mia swiped through her phone, already looking up on said sites.
Ethan goes through all the Alphas he knew in his head, which isn’t many so it ended in a jiffy. There is an Alpha that stood out among else, someone who gave Ethan ample opportunities to have confidence in their character.
“I can think of a guy. He’s the only Alpha I think I can trust for now.”
Mia looked over at him with piqued interest. He gulped his wine, as if he needed some courage boost to admit something shameful. His mouth is going dry by the second, so he hurriedly muttered the name before the boost loses its effect.
Mia furrowed her brows and said she didn’t catch it. But observing how nervous Ethan is, she ran through the possibilities of his insecurity. It didn’t take her long to reach the answer and just as she was about to blurt out in disbelief, Ethan repeated the name again, this time enunciating each syllable like reading out a government official statement.
“Chris. Chris Redfield.”
Ethan waits for Mia to implode at his suggestion, finally losing her cool after maintaining it for so long. She disliked Chris, and Ethan knew their animosity was mutual based on their constant passive-aggressive exchange. Mia disliked the man due to his relentless prodding on her past involvement in bioweapon terrorism, and Chris disliked her because, well, her -hopefully- past involvement with the bioweapon terrorism. Though Ethan believed that if it weren’t for this, they may get along fine. But telling Mia that he’s choosing her current arch nemesis to be his baby’s father may be too much for her.
“… Fine. Let’s talk to Chris then.”
“You’re alright with this?” Ethan raised a brow. “Really? I am talking about the BSAA Chris Redfield, the guy you said you’d serve only bananas to if he starts annoying you again?”
“Yes, we are talking about the same Chris Redfield and yes, I’m fine with this. If he’s your first choice, the least we can do is to try talking to him before trying out other options. Besides, he may be our best chance at this.”
“What do you mean? Knowing him he’d probably just say no.”
“Or not. I’ve always noticed things you don’t, remember?”
It started raining outside, their coffee and wine long turned cold. After seeming to have found their first step, they went quiet. Ethan leaned back into the dining table chair sluggishly, the realization that his romance with Mia has officially ended weighed down on him like steel blankets. He felt cold, uncertain and unwilling to leave whatever shambles he’s in; but he’s also relieved to escape the routine quarrels with Mia. At least they’re still gonna be family. For now, he’s no longer in a lightless pit, he can work his way out of this.
The alcohol must be kicking in, because he felt brave enough to voice his concerns.
“Why are you willing to do this, Mia?” Ethan asked, listening to the pitter patter outside the window. “You could’ve done nothing and we might just be fine for the rest of our lives.”
“As I said, you deserve to be happy. Fine isn’t happy and you have been neither fine nor happy for a long time, buddy.”
“What about you? Will you be happy?”
“Maybe. At least it’s something worth looking forward to after everything we’d been through. That’s good enough for me.”
“This all just doesn’t sound like a good ROI (Return on Investment) for you. Is it even worth the hassle?”
“Don’t undersell your happiness or yourself, Ethan. I’m just doing a fraction of what you’d do for me.” Mia smirked. “You and that future baby I get to call family one day, both of you are worth it. Ok?”
Then her small hand held his, squeezing it reassuringly like it’s his heart. It felt so warm and accepting, something he thought he could experience automatically when Mia’s back. He never could have imagined that this was the reason for it to be given to him once again.
“I will love them like they’re my own.” Mia whispers, eyes shining with promises. “Please, just let me take care of you, let me make you happy.”
Ethan allowed her to hug him and indulge in the warmth she’s finally offering him after so long.
He used to think that he knew Mia like the back of his hand, but that was an illusion. That coupled with how much she changed across the years, he couldn’t guess what her plans are next, especially if they had a child. Will she just disappear and grow old with him from afar, or will she stay and continue playing the role of a parent to a child that’s not hers?
He doesn’t know, and something tells him there’s no point guessing anymore. Just grab onto whatever that’s offered to him now before Mia changes her mind.
On the next day, Ethan had training with Chris. So, he took it as an opportunity to invite the Alpha over for lunch sometime during the week.
“Will Mia be serving me bananas?” Chris asked as he took a large gulp from his water tumbler. “I’d prefer club sandwiches or something.”
Ethan chuckled and promised that there would be proper lunch for Chris as well. They just ended the first half of their training, so now they’re taking a breather, just chatting away. The larger man took a seat beside Ethan, their knees almost touching. The bench wasn’t even that short.
Have they always sat this close? Ethan wondered to himself, eyes wandering to the man’s sweatpants covered muscular thighs and somewhere even more precarious before he caught himself red-handed and hurriedly downed his own water supply.
“You alright?” Chris asked, his shoulders bumping into Ethan’s. “Kinda red there. You can have some of my energy drink if you want.”
Ethan declined the kind offer and tried to start a new topic of discussion. He told Chris about how his relationship with Mia took a huge turn, and how he actually felt much more at ease around her knowing that they won’t suddenly break into another argument. Chris went from surprised to solemn then understanding.
“So, technically we broke up but we’re still a family. Like the plate is broken but we repaired it by mending the broken pieces with gold."
[Ethan is referring to Kintsukuroi (金繕い), a Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum]
“Should I congratulate you? You look happier now, so I reckon it’s a good thing.”
“You absolutely should congratulate me. I cried like a baby but I feel so much better now.” Ethan smiled. "We both needed to accept that we’re not compatible as a couple anymore. Once that’s out of the way, the tension just went away.”
“I can see that. Your reflexes are better today, your punches less wimpy too.”
Ethan scowled at the end of that statement and punched Chris’ beefy arm. The man didn’t even budge as he took another gulp from his tumbler, eyeing his watch and getting up, signaling for them to get back to training. Ethan narrowed his eyes at the BSAA agent and snatched his tumbler away.
“Changed my mind, I’ll need some of this,” Ethan drank from the tumbler while eyeing the amused Alpha from the corner of his eyes. “You’re gonna get your ass kicked.”
After training, Chris proposed to celebrate Ethan’s freedom from Mia’s emotional abuse at a diner in the outskirts. They sometimes hang out after the training sessions, so it’s only common for the BSAA agent to see this as an opportunity to get a couple of drinks.
After a shower, Ethan sprayed some pheromone suppressors (or better known as “perfume”) on himself and walked out to the common area. He was just about to call out to Chris when he noticed that the other man was pacing around while talking on his phone, his brows furrowed and tone official. It’s probably work, so Ethan went to check out the vending machines to see if there were new snacks stocked up.
He bought a bag of salad flavored potato sticks for Chris and two gooey caramel chocolate bars for himself. Chris would probably disapprove his snack choice, so the Omega hid the chocolate bars in his inner jacket pockets. Chris came over just as Ethan picked up the potato snack from the dispenser, and accepted the snack given to him like it’s a natural occurrence.
“You look busy, we can always reschedule if work is calling.”
“Nah, they just wanted to confirm on something. Besides, I promised you that we’d celebrate.” Chris said reassuringly and Ethan would have believed it if it weren’t for the buzzing from Chris’ phone. The BSAA agent groaned and gestured for Ethan to walk with him to the car park as he answered the call. Chris spoke curtly, clearly eager to end the call but the caller doesn’t seem to care.
The Alpha had his hand on the small of Ethan’s back during the walk, albeit it’s more of a presence rather than pressure. The gesture so natural that it’s probably part of his habit. Ethan finds himself noticing the Alpha’s body language today of all days, after his decision to make a possibly outlandish request to the Alpha in due time.
The call hasn’t ended even when they climbed into Chris’ car, so Ethan took one of the chocolate bars from his inner pocket and started ripping off the package just as he caught Chris making a bewildered expression at his snack choice. Ethan gave the BSAA agent a small grin and bit into the chocolate bar, happily munching on the snack as Chris theatrically shakes his head in disappointment.
Sugar helps Ethan to concentrate, so he went back to his thoughts.
It’s obvious that Chris has a protective and possessive streak, but it usually comes across as caring rather than imposing. During the months they spent together -with Chris assigned as their custodian while the Winters’ case undergoes further investigation- Ethan learned that beneath the brooding and stoic surface of the large man, there’s a lonely but gentle soul. They share a similar loneliness, got a good thing going and Ethan would even go as far to call Chris his buddy and acknowledge that he’s the only Alpha that Ethan could ever trust with his life.
If only he could convince himself that the warmth and companionship provided by the Alpha was exclusively independent from his job scope. Maybe he’s mistaking professional courtesy as friendship or maybe he’s got a bit of a crush on the big guy, but whatever Chris provided him in terms of companionship is something he couldn’t even dream of getting from his wife. The meals and moments they shared were so wholesome that Ethan would be sad if it were to end without notice.
Perhaps that’s why Chris was his first choice in the baby making venture. Something in his mind is telling him that if Chris agreed to this perhaps ridiculous request, when the time comes and Chris left him for good, at least Ethan would still be somewhat connected to this warm but lonesome Alpha, or even something or someone to remember him by.
“Fucking finally,” Chris sighed as he put his phone away and took out his sunglasses from the side of his dashboard. “Sorry for the delay, let’s get going.”
“Sounds like you’re in a tough spot. Everything alright?”
“It’s fine. Just some executive asking for reinforcement for another ongoing case. It’s a straightforward investigation, but they skimped on personnel assignment so now they’re facing insufficient manpower when they finally spotted the big fish.”
“Are they asking for your support? Do you have to go?”
Chris snorted at the suggestion and drove out of the car park, the sunrays bouncing off the surface of his sunglasses.
“Not a chance. They can only justify my paygrade with cases that requires high maintenance and imminent threats. They were requesting for deployment of some of my men, so I politely told them to fuck off unless they have the budget for it.”
“Wow. Could you actually be secretly charging me exorbitant fees and just waiting to send me the bill when the time is right?” Ethan beams as he takes out the second chocolate bar from his pocket. “This is all I have, mister. You can have it as a down payment.”
Chris took it out of Ethan’s hands, their fingers brushing in the process.
“To think that I spent most of my free time with you and didn’t think about capitalizing it,” Chris shook his head, but his mouth formed a smirk. “You’re a lucky man, Winters.”
Ethan gave a wide grin and wholeheartedly agree without saying more than a “yeah”.
The diner served good food and better beer. Despite Chris’ usual resolve of having no more than one beer, the big guy eased up and got a couple more jugs for himself and a few glasses of house wine for Ethan. Their glasses clinked in different rings. By the end of dessert, Ethan was drowsily wondering why Chris face was so close yet lopsided, so fuzzy yet concerned.
The Omega could feel some scruff underneath his fingers, some blue and green dancing in the shape of an iris in front of him. There’s something warm and calloused behind his neck, so he shrunk and shook it away like it’s a spider.
“Let’s get you home, Ethan.” A deep voice boomed by the side of his ear, and Ethan nodded eagerly at the word “home”. The blond hiccupped and could feel himself floating, his body cradled in a strong hold, his arms forming a loose circle around someone’s neck.
“T-take me home, Chris.” Ethan giggles and landed a wet kiss on something that could be his carrier’s cheeks. “Back to o-our huh-home.”
Ethan buried his head into something made of warm cotton and got lulled to sleep by a quick beating rhythm by his ear. He doesn’t mind the thumping lullaby.
When Ethan woke up the next morning in his own bed, Mia told him he was a drunken mess when Chris got him home. Ethan can barely remember how much he drank, so he sent a message to the BSAA agent saying his thanks.
Chris must be busy, since he didn’t reply. The blond sent a reminder for the weekend lunch date he promised to attend with him and Mia, and that was the end of it.
The day of their supposed lunch date arrived, and Mia made some fancy looking dishes that Ethan could only recognize as advanced versions of pasta, sandwiches and chicken soup. He was setting up the dining table when the doorbell rang.
“Here he comes. I’ll get the door.” Ethan said to Mia, who merely nodded and took off her apron.
Ethan opened the door and greeted the Alpha with a grin. Chris was wearing a leather jacket and dark jeans while holding a box of assorted Danish pastries from a local well-known patisserie. He took off his sunglasses and appraised Ethan from top to bottom with a raised eyebrow.
“I thought it’s just lunch. What’s with the dress shirt?” And skinny jeans, but Chris left that out of his sentence.
“It’s fancy lunch, so we decided on a fancy dress code. You’re exempted from it so don’t worry.”
Chris nodded and allowed Ethan to lead him to their dining room. In common house visits where the guests are friends with the hosts, they will greet each other genially before settling down for the meal. Since Mia and Chris are on terms verging hostility, that social convention does not apply. Usually Chris would grunt a brief “Mia” as a formal address, and Mia would reply with a curt “Chris” and they start ignoring each other for the rest of the meal.
But not today.
Mia appeared in a wine-red dress, her hair in a loosely tied bun. She smiled while receiving the box of pastries from Ethan and glanced over at Chris.
“Hi Chris, nice that you could join us.”
“… Hi Mia, thanks for inviting me over.”
The both of them swiftly turned their face to a conveniently opposite corner with Ethan standing between them sporting a full grin.
“Well, let’s get eating then.”
Chris don’t need decades worth of combat experience to recognize that currently he’s being set for a scenario, probably one that involves asking him a huge favor.
The prime indicator is that Mia is trying to play nice today. She’s not overtly annoyed at his presence, just sitting there quietly when usually she’d be holding her cutleries like she’s preparing to stab Chris in the jugular. She even let Ethan sat across him so that they could converse without having to turn their heads. When she’s willing to forgo personal convenience for Chris’ instead, the BSAA captain knew that something was up. She’s trying to butter him up for the crescendo.
The food was as good as homecooked meals could be, but Chris is on full alert for the impending bombshell. Ethan sitting across him is in such a good mood that he’s smiling while munching down, cheeks full of joy and Mia’s food like a happy pet hamster. But Ethan is probably part of the scheme as well. Chris is not letting his guard down towards any of the Winters just yet.
After they finished lunch, Mia asked Ethan to bring Chris to the living room while she makes them coffee. At this point, if Chris is determined to avert the situation, he can insist on leaving by faking a call or just walk out of the front door with a simple “Gotta go now, thanks for the food”. But Ethan placed a hand on his arm, guiding him gently to the intended direction. Chris observed how the blond’s cheeks were pink, lips trembling and voice small, telling of how nervous he is right now.
Embarrassed even. The favor must involve Ethan then.
Chris decided to hear what’s about to be launched at him and sat on the couch. His eyes never left the Omega, who let out a sigh as he tried to calm his fidgeting. Chris couldn’t tell if Mia is essential to the favor they’re about to ask, but based on Ethan’s reaction, he’s certain that she would be playing the coercive role of the discussion.
“Chris, I have something to tell you.”
Although Ethan’s never been the dependent type as well.
“Is it a lot?”
“Yeah, probably. I’ll try to get straight to the point, but you still need the context to understand why I’m telling you all this.”
“You’re going to ask me a favor.”
Ethan blinked twice and sighed, his head dipping into a weak nod like he’s just been served an uppercut.
“I’m not even going to ask what gave it away, you’re just that good.”
“Flatter me all you want, but it’s not going to persuade me into saying yes.”
Mia placed their coffees on the table, her expression cool as she sat next to Ethan and directly across of Chris. Chris looked to the side with a sigh and back at the Winters again, leaning into the couch as he waits for the bomb to go off.
“Chris. Ethan and I want a baby.” Mia stated authoritatively.
“Good for you?”
Chris’ brows furrowed in confusion, instantly facing Ethan for some clarification. Didn’t you say you’re not a couple anymore?
“But we can’t have one,” Mia continued. “So, we’re asking you for a favor.”
“What does that have to do with me and what do you want me to do? Help you look out for child adoption centers?”
Chris isn’t sure where this is heading, but Ethan’s right. He needs more context. Just as Chris thought Mia is done gritting her teeth and actually answer his request for further elaboration, a flustered Ethan squared up in his seat and spoke in a voice dripping with discomfit.
“We need you to get me pregnant, Chris.”
“… What?”
Mia sighed at Ethan’s straightforwardness and at Chris’ incredulousness. She took over the steering wheel from her pink husband and proceeded to explain further. She’s not known for being an expert at explaining, but she promised to be honest for Ethan’s sake even if it involves her being the mediator for these two.
Chris look like he need to smoke a whole row of cigarettes just to cope with what he’s being told now. The creases between his brows deepens as Mia monotonously elaborate on what they are asking from him.
"Why me?"
"You're in charge of us, including our safety and needs," Mia replied with a slight temper. "For what we had to go through with BSAA, I don't think we're asking for a lot."
"I’m in charge of your asses, but not literally. " Chris said without any bite. He's not on good terms with Mia so he never could’ve expected her to reach out to him for something like knocking up her husband. Who, might he mention, is sitting across him silent as a mouse ever since his eruptive opening. Chris thought Ethan would at least be more vocal about this, seeing as if all three of them reached an agreement, the two of them would be the parties carrying out the deed.
Yet there seems to be something bothering Ethan so much that he’s paralyzed from speaking anything else. His doe eyes are wet like they’re about to spill tears any second and his shoulders slumped into round corners asking for a pat. He looks so fucking vulnerable right now.
If there was a classification of breeds for genders, Ethan would look like a domesticated breed, the type of beautiful omega who belongs (in terms of assets) to an affluent Alpha, recklessly pampered in exchange for a cheerful kiss on the cheeks. Although Ethan’s life up till now has been anything but such, he’s still a pretty Omega that Chris should never dream of having his hands on.
But now, this unmarked Omega is presented on a silver plate to Chris, an unbounded Alpha. Something about this imagery sent an unwanted tingle to Chris' crotch, which made him want to leave the house there and then to either smoke his whole pack immediately, or to jerk off in his car.
"Ethan, how are you okay with this? Come on, talk some sense into Mia. Tell her you don’t want this."
Mia was just about to snap when Ethan looked to Mia, and then back to Chris.
It's like there's a lake in those doe-eyes, and Chris just threw a pebble that stirred some ripples in them.
"I asked for this, Chris. I asked for you." Ethan said in a low and compromising tone. His knuckles tightened and loosened on his lap, tip of his ears turning noticeably red due to what he is required to admit.
"... Why not Alpha donors or sperm banks? You have a whole sea of options and candidates, anyone but me. I'm old and probably too close for comfort." Chris said, eyes fixated on Ethan, although now the Omega's back to staring at his own knees.
"Yeah, you’re in charge of us through BSAA. But they don’t really give a damn about us anymore since we’re clean off Eveline’s case.” Ethan’s blank expression spiked Chris’ guilt. The tests the Winters had to go through were hellish. “You're the only Alpha I could trust, Chris."
Chris blinked at the statement, not sure if what's swelling in his chest cavity is pity, sadness or happiness.
"This isn’t something like a road trip, Ethan. We’re talking about me knocking you up, possibly marking and bonding with you in the said process." Chris said gruffly. "Have you really thought this through?"
Mia held onto Ethan’s hand reassuringly, which seemed to have given Ethan the courage he needed to look back into Chris’ eyes.
"Yeah. I'd like you to knock me up, Chris Redfield."
Chris didn’t say anything. The Alpha sat unflinching like a mountain for a moment more, gazing at the Winters with something that is a mix of frustration and exhaustion.
He then got up and left the room, shutting the front door behind him with a crisp clasp.
“I’ll talk to him.” Ethan offered a tired grin to Mia, like he’s reassuring her of the outcome. “You did great just now.”
“Don’t force yourself, ok?” Mia said worriedly and Ethan went out to look for the Alpha.
He spotted the BSAA agent by his trusty Toyota Hilux, ready to get on the vehicle. Ethan called at him while he jogged over, noticed how the larger man hung his head in frustration and probably annoyance.
“Chris, we’re not done talking.” Ethan stood beside the large man, squinting under the bright sunlight. He could barely see Chris’ expression.
“I am.”
“Well, I’m not done persuading you just yet.” Ethan walked to the passenger’s seat side of the car. “You told me you’re free for the day, didn’t you?”
Chris grumbled, knowing he’s not let off the hook that easily. Rather than hating Ethan’s stubbornness, he hates himself for not even wanting to try to fight against it. Once Ethan set his eyes on something, he’d do anything to achieve it. Judging from Ethan’s current change in approach, he’s fully committed to have Chris agree to his request.
“Take me for a ride, give me a chance to persuade you.” Ethan opened the side door already. “Take me anywhere.”
“Like the closest fast-food drive through? That’s five minutes away.”
“Further, like out of town.”
“That’s an hour away,” Chris said exasperatedly. “You cheeky little - “
But Ethan has already climbed into the seat, seatbelt hugging his torso. He stared at Chris with raised brows like he’s ushering him to get in. The Omega’s pampered attitude made Chris wonder if it’s possible to get annoyed and aroused at the same time.
Chris cursed inwardly at his gullibility. He could feel his gauge meeting its limits as Ethan pushed out more and more suggestions that grew in absurdity. He started with medical procedures such as artificial insemination (“But the doctor said it might not work on me, since my body might just kill your sperms”) and went on to some that required physical penetration and intimacy. In each and every method listed, Ethan would emphasize that after the bun is in the oven, Chris will be free with no strings attached. How nice and convenient that is for the Alpha who is always busy saving the world?
They have reached the outskirts and are surrounded by lush greenery on both sides of the wide road, humble establishments and occasional not-so-humble cottages scattered like Monopoly game buildings. Just the scenery itself promise fresher air and peace of mind. Chris always preferred this scenery than the bustling city, and he knew Ethan felt the same as well.
“What do you think about fuck buddies then? We can go according to your schedule and stop when you’re not into it anymore.”
Chris felt like one of his blood vessels were about to pop. He’s white knuckling the steering wheel, trying hard to maintain the vehicle within speed limit as Ethan goes on rambling.
“Fuck buddies, seriously?” Chris’ tone escalated to one of danger.
Maybe Chris doesn’t even want to be fuck buddies. That’s fine, he can negotiate from there too.
“It can even be a one-time thing. You fuck me for one night or two, and then we can just act like nothing happened. Hell, we can joke about it during lunch like it’s a stupid fling. You don’t have to take an ounce of responsibility over this – “
“Fucking hell Winters, are you hearing this shit? Am I just some human vibrator to you!” Chris yelled and the whole car shook visibly. Having decided that it’s too risky to drive further, Chris stopped the car by the road. The nearest sign to them said “Roadwork Ahead”.
Ethan’s eyes widened in shock as Chris’ held the steering wheel in a death grip, breathing heavily and chest heaving. He could feel the Alpha pheromones prickling his skin underneath the clothing and a sudden realization hit him. He never actually felt Chris’ pheromones before, nor had he actually smelled it. Out of job necessity, the BSAA agent must have taken some strong suppressants to conceal his pheromones extremely well. He still can’t catch the scent, which means the drugs are still in effect. But who knows how long it’d take for Chris’ scent to make itself apparent and consume Ethan in whole.
Out of desperation, Ethan opened the car door to let some fresh air in. Chris seemed to have caught on and flipped the car windows switch for it to slide down.
“Look I’m sorry if I said something wrong, but I’m just trying to get you to help me out here.” Ethan gasps while rubbing his forearms like it’s cold. “And no, I’m not trying to objectify you. I just want to make this easy for you.”
“Easy? What the hell do you mean by easy?”
“Minimize your involvement so that you don’t have to do more than necessary. I’d be grateful if you’re even willing to try out for a night, but if we need to do it more,” Ethan still can’t get himself to just call it sex. “-before I finally get pregnant and it’s taking up too much of your time, we can call it quits and I will think of something else.”
“How considerate of you.” Chris said sarcastically.
“Well yeah, I am aware that I’m basically asking for you to fuck someone you’re not interested in.” Ethan shrugged. “Of course I want to make it more tolerable for you.”
“Let’s say I did you the favor and you got what you want. What happens next?”
“You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll take care of the baby myself and you can just go on with your life, no strings attached.” Ethan said softly.
Ethan has been able to step on several of Chris’ landmines simultaneously like he’s a champion in Twister. The Alpha glowered at what the Omega uttered, realizing that all this while Ethan thought he’s forcing Chris to have sex with him, and that Chris is expected to go on his merry way after he zipped back his trousers like he’s some deadbeat Alpha. He’d laugh at how naïve the blond is if he wasn’t about to erupt like a volcano.
“You oblivious fuck,” Chris shook his head slowly in disbelief. “You have absolutely no idea what I want to do to you.”
“Well for now, I’m guessing you wanna strangle me or kick my ass?” Ethan chuckled, but his eyes glistened wetly.
Chris glared at the blond with a tightened jaw as though he’s contemplating both. The usually coolheaded Alpha look like he may actually assault him. Rather than quivering in fear, Ethan only felt an urge to sob, asking himself if he may have torn a hole in their friendship due to his stubbornness. But he maintained a strong front, raising his chin defiantly as if he’s daring Chris to do his worst.
“This is what I want to do to you.”
Chris growled and lurched forward into Ethan, his right hand stamped on the car side window with a thud and his left hand grabbed onto the blond’s neck. Ethan thought for a moment that Chris really did want to strangle him, until he felt teeth grazing the side of his own lips, Chris’ nose nudging into his cheek. Before the Omega could properly process the situation, he’d already landed a punch on the Alpha’s lower jaw, the impact sending the latter back to the driver’s seat.
Ethan’s chest heaves with the force of adrenaline, his brain still slow in informing how much his knuckles hurt.
“Glad our training worked.” Chris rubbed his sore jaw, knowing that although Ethan’s always got good reflexes, his punch barely bruised the surface.
“Why’d you do that, Chris?” Ethan is still gasping for breath, but Chris’ grasp shouldn’t have even hurt his throat. “Why the fuck did you do that!”
“To send you a message that I can and might do that to you if I had the chance,” Chris said menacingly. “Because here you are, thinking I’m some goddamn saint who have perfect self-control and wouldn’t want to take more than I’m told. That I actually had to force myself to sleep with you like I haven’t been fucking you in my mind for countless times!”
The Alpha’s pheromones came out in full blast again, with the drugs losing its effect, this time Chris’ actual scent peeked out. The car is filled with a musky scent of a snowy mountainous terrain, somewhat daunting yet intoxicating like they’re standing by a cliff, gazing into the abyss. Ethan’s fingers dug into the car seat, exhaling shuddery breaths. Ethan thanked himself for the wise decision of taking the extra strength prescriptive suppressants in the morning. He still had to resist the urge to cower and shrink himself into a ball, but at least he’s not wetting himself and writhing like a bitch in heat.
But now he can’t blame it on pheromones for the incessant heart throb after hearing Chris’ confession, nor can he ignore his own heating cheeks and ears as he processed the Alpha’s coarse words.
Chris wants him. Had fantasies about him.
The large man thought that by speaking out his desires, Ethan would think he’s just another greedy Alpha brute. He tried to sabotage himself by intimidating Ethan, but he didn’t even make a scratch on the Omega.
Chris refused to look at the Omega’s direction, seemingly ashamed of his outburst. He didn’t even want to respond when Ethan called his name. But in the end, he gave in.
“Just let me get you home, Ethan. This discussion is over.” Chris said and just as he was about to change the gear knob, he felt a hand covering his own. He turned to the passenger’s seat and noticed how the Omega is blushed red, his thighs shut tight. Then realization hit him right in the face. The drugs lost its effect. His pheromones are no longer under control.
Before he could even apologize, Chris felt something soft push against his lips, Ethan’s long and thick eyelashes are in a magnified view. The lips against his own are so plump and soft that he almost didn’t hear the words spoken out of it.
“I took my suppressants, so this isn’t because of some pheromones.” Ethan whispered. His eyes more blue than grey up close. “Now let me do this right.”
Chris’ lips are gently pried open, their mouths closed against each other seamlessly like a pair of puzzle pieces. After what he did, Ethan kissed him. The eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks; his lips already slightly swollen from the Omega’s shy gnawing. Ethan’s kiss corresponds to his scent, like a gentle haven for the restless soul. When Chris finally responded to the kiss, he could taste the blond’s surprise and delight and was instantly rewarded with more fervent indulgence.
The Omega gently pulled and sucked on the Alpha’s lower lip, filling the latter’s ears with breathy moans and wet sounds of their own making. Chris’ hand made its way to Ethan’s nape. When his fingers ghosted the region where he marked Ethan countless times in his dreams, Ethan gasped and shuddered, albeit his lips still refused to leave Chris’. There are no scabs or even hints of a bite mark on Ethan’s neck.
When they pulled away from each other, the small enclosed space was stuffy with wafts of pheromones and each of them were sporting a conspicuous hard-on. Ethan gasped audibly at the sight of Chris’ impressively tented slacks and faced away like a blushing virgin. Chris swiftly turned the windows down again for air ventilation. A breeze glide past his warm cheeks and his tongue is tracing the insides of his own cavity, missing the Omega’s taste already. With some reluctance, he swallowed a couple of the only regular strength suppressant drugs he had on his car. He went on to spray himself and the vehicle interior with neutralizing air fresheners while Ethan got off, murmuring that he’s going on a short walk. Ten minutes later, they were back on the road again, this time heading back.
Nobody said anything for a long time. The roads are mildly congested, meaning they are approximately forty minutes away from the Winters residence. Decided to deal with the tension once and for all, Chris broke the silence.
“You never knew that I’m into you. That’s why you were so desperate.”
“You’re into me? How am I supposed to know that? You treated me like how you treat everybody else.”
“I don’t share meals with any of my team members every week, nor do I take drunken calls in the middle of the night just for some jokes about giraffes and stars.” Chris scoffed, but gently as he noticed how Ethan squirmed in his seat embarrassedly. “Your jokes were fine. I wouldn’t even have bothered to pick up your calls otherwise.”
Ethan blinked a couple times and imagined how Chris groggily received his calls yet never hung him up. The edge of his lips pulled sideways, reset and pulled again as though he’s trying to hide a small smile. He glanced into the rear-view mirror and saw Chris watching him intently and then away, didn’t even try to hide it. The thought that Chris had always been observing him made his heart skip a beat.
“I guess you’ve always treated me special then.”
“You’ve always been special, Ethan.” Chris said, his eyes straight on the road. “That’s why I couldn’t bring myself to say yes. Because after you made your perfect family, you won’t need me in your life anymore.”
That statement delivered a tremor across Ethan’s senses. He thought of retorting, denying or even scramble for a weak excuse, but he knew what the Alpha said held certain truth. He did plan and expected for the Alpha to just leave after he got knocked up, because he thought Chris would either: one, never agree to this; or two, would reluctantly agree on this one-time fling out of his generosity. Either way, Chris wouldn’t want to be part of his family. He was working on the assumption that he’s set for failure, not the inverse.
Ethan, being the true self-loathing one, never envisioned the possibility that the BSAA agent actually liked him, and that he’s not comfortable being seen as a disposable dildo. The Alpha must have been devastated throughout to learn how little Ethan expected of him, and yet he’s still driving Ethan home instead of leaving him out in the woods, as he deserved. Ethan could feel his eyes well up in shame and murmured an apology.
Chris didn’t respond.
This went on for another couple of minutes before Ethan broke the ice.
“I thought you wouldn’t even want to have sex with me, and that I had to beg just for you to agree to a one-night stand.” Ethan sniffled. “I’m sorry for being a jerk before.”
“Well, you’re definitely not wrong about the last part.”
The dryness of Chris’ tone contrasted with the slow slew of his pheromones. Comforting and forgiving, surrounding Ethan like the speckled heat from a bonfire. They car came to a stop at a traffic light, and Chris rummaged for something on his side of the seat, not noticing the blond’s stare.
“I like you, Chris.”
“Out of pity? Like a friend? Or are you that determined to get the kid you want?” Chris scoffed and drove on just as the lights turned green, the hue bouncing onto his face made him look cold. If only he could conceal the dip in his pheromones that’s telling of his fear, then it’d be more convincing.
“No, this isn’t about the baby. I like you as a person and want to be with you.” Ethan said, his voice oddly calm. “I don’t want you to drift away like everybody else in my life, but once BSAA decided that Mia and I are not worth their time, you probably won’t stick around anymore and just leave. At the very least, I’d like to be connected to you one way or another.”
Chris wanted to ridicule the idea that his feelings for Ethan would be diminished just like that, but he couldn’t. Ethan’s right. If what happened today never occurred, he would probably bury all his feelings in a bay and walk away. Ethan is a civilian after all, the current friendship they had is abnormal in the first place. Once he’s no longer assigned to the Winters, he probably wouldn’t even have any reason to see them anymore. Plus, the ever-accumulating workload would force him to shift his focus to other priorities. Time and distance would alleviate his heartache and he’d go on with his life of beating up bioweapons until the day he died.
“That’s why you want me to knock you up? So that you’d get a memento?”
“Yeah, if you put it that way.”
“You’re fucking weird, Winters.” Chris sighed heavily, but the edge of his lips raised by a small fraction. He stopped the car at a gas station and looked into Ethan’s direction.
“But you like that about me, right?” Ethan whispered. The star in Chris’ usually dim eyes making him brave. Chris’ low humming gave him the answer he needs.
“I don’t think it’s that weird, to want you to father my baby.”
Ethan went over to the driver’s seat and straddled Chris’ lap, the Alpha’s eyes widened but he didn’t express any refusal. He went on to cup Chris’ cheeks, the soft bristles brushing his palms. Chris doesn’t move away, allowing the blond to caress his face like a lover would.
“I need you, Chris.” Ethan stared down at the large man, murmuring like his life depends on it. “You’re the only one I want for this.”
Spatters of yellow light contained in those hazy blue eyes, glistening like melted gold in a swirl of whirlpool.
The blond brushed off the short fringes and kissed the larger man’s forehead. Ethan’s fingertips are barely touching Chris’ sideburns, yet warmth spread across the Alpha’s face from one end to the other so lightly like windblown dandelion. Besides the occasional echoes of cars passing by, all they could hear is each other’s breathing.
“I don’t want it to be just some fling, or just a fuck buddy to you.”
Chris finally admits, his arms circled around Ethan’s thin waist, nose nudging the blond’s chin and breathing into his neck, wondering if this is the final moment of intimacy he will be allowed to have.
“And I don’t want you to leave me.”
They stared into each other’s eyes, noticing that their requirements overlapped and smiled.
“Let’s start things slow, maybe casual dating or something. Would you be alright with that?”
“Finally, something that I wanted to hear. Took you long enough.”
Ethan giggled at Chris’ loud groan, although he is wondering how that would fit in the Alpha’s schedule. Chris seemed to have caught his concern and said mysteriously that he could always work something out.
“I’ve never been with an Alpha though.”
“And I never courted an Omega. Let me check if I have a guidebook somewhere on the art of wooing Omegas.” Chris said, earning a chuckle from the sweet Omega. “Will Mia be okay with this?”
“She’s still family, but I’ll try to make her see things my way. I just have to be honest with her.”
It’s barely five but the sky is set with an auburn purple with deep blue clouds. Their hands intertwined like an unsaid promise. Ethan’s back against the gas station lights, his expression as soft as his wispy hair. It’s funny how just an hour ago they were yelling and punching, but now they are cuddling like teenagers, enveloped in each other’s warmth in the cramped space. If only they could last like this forever. But they’re at a gas station and Ethan is sitting right on top of his crotch, so as much as he doesn’t want it to end, Chris had to cut the moment short before he sports another erection.
“I need to refill the gas tank.” Chris said awkwardly, although he is being truthful. That is the main reason why he stopped by. “You want ice cream?”
“Is this your way of wooing me?”
“Yes?”
“So, you really have been wooing me all this time.” Ethan climbed off Chris’ lap, fingers letting go like he didn’t want to. “You don’t need a guidebook, Redfield.”
To that, Chris just winked and closed the car door behind him, leaving the remnants of his scent that had sparks of sunshine to accompany Ethan during the wait.
They talked during the remainder ride, primarily Ethan’s urgency to get pregnant and Mia’s current standing in their relationship. After listening to what Ethan had to say, Chris succinctly commented that perhaps the reason why Ethan was in such a hurry to start massive changes under his own control was because he’s insecure about his current life. His insecurity is rooted in the trauma originated from the Dulvey incident and it’s still consuming the Omega, making him overly reactive towards any sign of external factors that may bring about changes.
“Unless you’re working my job, you don’t have to worry a single thing about changes. From what I see, it’s good that you walked out of an emotionally abusive relationship, but you don’t need to rush into something else just cause.”
Ethan could tell that Chris is speaking from experience and nodded. He didn’t even think about how it’s been barely a few days since his romantic relationship with Mia reached an end, and he’s already eager to get pregnant. Mia's involvement in this probably pushed him into a panicky state to get things done fast as well.
So what if the doctor said the older he is, the higher the risks of his future child being unhealthy. He’s not even sure if he’s ever going to get pregnant, or worse, how long he’s going to live. The incident screwed him up so bad that he sometimes wondered if it shortened his life expectancy by half.
“… You’re right. I shouldn’t rush into pregnancy or something.”
Chris nodded, glad that the Omega is finally adopting an objective view on the matter. Chris is no therapist, but he would bet a pretty nickel that if Ethan could move on from the incident, he’d return to his original relaxed self.
“Are we still gonna date though? I was looking forward to that.”
“Fuck yeah we’re still gonna date. You’re not retracting that offer.”
Ethan laughed lightly at how vehement Chris sounded. It’s like a grizzly bear growling while hugging protectively onto its best pot of honey. He looked at the large man fondly, curious as to how he’d have been when he was younger. He would love to uncover the Alpha’s hardened surface and peer into the softness underneath.
They’re a block away from Ethan’s house, and Chris almost wanted to take a u-turn so that the Omega would never reach home. But he didn’t, so he was ready to say goodbye as they reached Ethan’s front yard. Ethan looked at him with twinkling eyes and a soft curve of his lips, an expression that must’ve been reserved only for moments like this.
Chris felt a small tugging on his leather jacket. He looked down and saw Ethan’s hand grabbing onto his sleeve.
“See you, Chris.”
And then he felt a peck on his cheek, a fleeting moment before the passenger seat door opened and closed as Ethan almost jogged into his own house. Before the blond went in, he turned around one last time and waved at Chris with a shy smile. Then he disappeared into the estate.
Chris never had the chance to experience teenage romance, so he knows close to nothing about how it should feel. But from the rear-view mirror reflection of the stupid smile hanging on his face and how his heart is trying to inch its way closer to Ethan’s direction, he assumed this is it.
He likes it.