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25th December was an important date for the Port Mafia. Who would’ve predicted that the most heartless criminals of the Japanese underworld would lean in on something so human, so soft and lovely? The reason is actually pretty simple. The port mafia is the home to many children, or adults who never got a childhood; many orphans who’ve never known their birthdays or seen the faces of their parents. Even before Mori became the boss, even before the previous boss and maybe even before him Christmas was a celebration. It wasn’t really anything grand like the big parties they had to hold in those big ‘ballrooms’.(as if they really danced like Europeans did?) Those who considered each other friends or even family, would gather and form some sort of a tradition. There were drinking games passed on from the surviving old men to the fresher lots, merry songs and lullaby’s someone’s mother probably sung to him as a child, recipes learned from someone’s dead sister, dances that make them miss an old lover and simple objects that come with a story. If any outsider saw these celebrations, they would call it strange as none of this was really any way to celebrate Christmas. Anyone within the organization would call it tragic, but still beautiful.
The thing about mafioso’s was that they called Yokohama their home but didn’t really have a roof to crawl under when the harsh winter should set in. National festivals, religious gatherings and birthdays weren’t really important to them. Even New Year’s was complicated because every ethnicity has its own calendar and it’s own day to begin the next set of 365. Christmas however, did not have to be religious or complicated, it was just a day they could all look forward to without ever thinking about the importance the day held. Which child actually celebrated their Lord being born instead of anticipating presents?
—————クリスマス—————
10
“You will stay here till I come back.”
He really wasn’t expecting anything different this year either. He turned 10 last June and had missed another Christmas already. Talk about unfortunate! The woman locked the door from outside as if he could walk out from the heavy shackles with his already broken bones and this hellish pain everywhere. (He had actually managed to do it before so they don’t take chances anymore) What was he? A small child whose origins are unknown, but the ill boss claims it’s his son. Here he is kept hidden from the outside world in a prison alike room. There’s one wall covered with books only about important things, a small futon which is never enough to keep him warm, a hole which is supposed to be used as a toilet, a cauldron for water and a small window too high for him to reach, existing just to not kill him by suffocation. The only thing he can see outside from there is the sky which is so bright and lively on a Christmas night. He wants to imagine himself playing with the mafia members, but then he realizes he can’t really do that. How long ago did he actually see a mirror? He barely remembers his own face, his hair feels rough and has grown long enough to reach his knees and what the hell is he wearing? Is it some older guy’s shirt or a hospital gown? He can’t make out by how worn and dirty it has gotten. To make things worse, he is taken out timely and beaten up to ‘show him his place’, left to hungry dogs to feast upon his bony frame or cooked like some vegetable in boiling water. His own ‘father’ doesn’t care anymore after the routine torture is over and which sick bastard comes into his room and plays what kinds of games with him, the kinds that a child his age shouldn’t know exist. Even his attempts to kill himself have ended up giving him more shackles then salvation. His ribs that aren’t broken are protruding into his skin painfully as he lies down trying to sleep. It’s so unfair.
—————クリスマス—————
14
He remembers when the military doctor was introduced here to serve the ill boss. He remembers clearly when that perverted, pedophile man snickered upon being introduced to him. He remembers when he walked into his cave many times at night and did those things adults would do. A different kind of hug. He remembers when he offered to him a chance to witness his ‘father’s’ death which turns out to be a murder. He remembers the red moon and the red blood on that man’s face. “You are the witness.” He then remembers waking up on an infirmary bed, his hair feeling short, actual fitting pants and having a name for the first time in his life. ‘Dazai Osamu’ The protégé of Mori Ougai, the current boss. Later, the Demon Prodigy and all those things.
“What kind of joke are you playing with me?” He scoffed out angrily.
“Well, you are smart enough to know. You have some sort of obsession with Christmas and if I just let you go around play like a child then I would have to become your guardian. I would’ve let you go if you didn’t show such scary addiction to a children’s festival, Dazai-kun.” The bird cage was too small for him to sit comfortably in. “I know you can’t really escape but you always seem to surprise me… hmm just remember the dogs have been starved just for you to play with.” He thought things would change after Mori became the boss. Surely, his training only became harsher and the sex only more frequent but he did have a little more freedom. He roamed around all day and night, through harbors, parks, train stations, and bridges. He got drunk and high and sick, cigarettes, men showed interest in the raw flesh of a 14-year-old, and women called him a pretty boy. Mori slowly lost interest as he peaked teenage and he thought this could be his first Christmas.
He didn’t expect to stay alive for so long. All the freedom he had gotten the past few months made him believe he could now be a part of the Port Mafia, like all other members. Mori’s excuse was that he hadn’t officially joined yet and that no one trusted him or his mentor enough to let them in on the celebrations. But it wasn’t that bad.
He saw Yokohama dressed up pretty, lights and children being happy. Even if the actual Christmas day was spent in confinement, he saw the festival for the first time outside of his room. By next year, he should join in officially.
—————クリスマス—————
15
Nakahara Chuuya is unforgivable. Hasn’t been a year since he joined and he thinks he owns the place? How dare he. How dare he act so insolent….. so belonged, so involved?
As he had decided, things did change for Dazai within a year. Firstly, he became an executive, giving him much more freedom and power. It wasn’t anything unpredictable but being the youngest mafia executive ever did scare off everyone around him. Another noticeable thing in his life was that Mori lost interest in him completely. At fifteen, his body had matured a lot and now there was no way to dress him up like a pretty little girl anymore. Then the mafia got rid of sheep and their king was now nothing more than a mutt, too angry and too loyal for his own good. Chuuya was was supposed to be his friend because Dazai didn’t have any other options, but the angry chibi hated him with every fabric of his nerves. Dazai reciprocated the hatred equally and they would not meet outside of work.
Today was supposed to be different. 25th December, it was supposed to change for Dazai. This was supposed to be his first time celebrating with others, joining in their games. He wasn’t a fool expecting a lot, but he had hoped to at least slip in at a corner of the hall and just be there. Really, that’s all he had wanted. But things never go the way he wants them to. Mori had won everyone’s trust within a year, and Dazai had only grown distant.
Upon entering the room, he noticed immediately a few things. First of all, everyone was dressed up, at least wearing something better than what they usually wore. Dazai showed up in his work suit, and that ominous black coat, smelling like gunpowder, sweat, and maybe even blood. And then he stood in a corner, staring at everyone like a creep. The boy serving champagne ignored Dazai and walked away, everyone started murmuring how the demon prodigy wouldn’t let them have one day of peace. Maybe this was why Mori didn’t stop him this year, he wouldn’t be welcome here anyway. He then noticed Chuuya walking toward him angrily. He held his shirt collar and shoved him harshly against the wall.
“You’re fucking here to destroy one goddamn normal day I’m trying to have?” Dazai didn’t reply and his eyes met Koyou’s because she should know, he has no bad intentions, right? She looked away because even she didn’t want a demon here today.
“Don’t give me that shit of you joining in! You’re not even normal, you fucking creep, everyone knows you don’t give a shit about today! I just know you’re here to make everyone uncomfortable, you know what? I don’t want to do this today so just get out! You’re not welcome here or at any other social gathering and you know that.” He was harshly let go, which made him almost fall down. The murmurs only got louder about how Christmas was not supposed to be some sick power-play in the mafia, and yet Dazai was here. He wanted to throw up.
“Fine, slug you got me, I wanted to make your life a little worse today but it seems like you’ve seen through already! How smart of a dog you are!” He smiled hollowly but no one noticed. “Well then, Merry Christmas everyone!” He got himself out of there.
It was just like Dazai had always imagined. Lights, a Christmas tree, alcohol, and everyone dressed up. Obviously, he didn’t belong there. He dragged himself out to the corridor, sat down on the floor, pulled out a cigarette, and held it to his lips. Maybe he could do this every year, just him smoking alone. It was winter, after all, and everything felt so cold.
—————クリスマス—————
18
For the past two years, Christmas became bittersweet for him. It was still glamorous and warm, and yet barren and cold. He had gotten used to staying away from where he wasn’t needed. “I don’t have a lot of money because Mori-san is stingy but that should do it. Now shoo.” He can’t believe he bought a cake for the Akutagawa siblings after all the shit he’s done to the brother. Even they could not believe their eyes.
“But Dazai-san why now? And you’re leaving us early from training too?”
“It’s Christmas. You’re both kids so it’s fine. Also, Chuuya invited you both today evening, right? Go have fun today I won’t stop you.”
“And what about you?” Yeah… what about him? Wasn’t he a kid too? Couldn’t Chuuya be a little tolerating? He was a mafioso too, and he also cherished Christmas so much. He didn’t even ask for much… just to slip in there and watch people.
“Do I look like someone who eats cake or celebrates these kinds of things?”
That was enough to silence them both. Chibi was going overboard this year, wasn’t he? He invited Dazai’s subordinates but not him. Mori would be there too. Just not him. Odasaku would be celebrating with his kids this year, and Ango has a group of old friends too. He had bragged about how the high-ranking mafiosos celebrate this day. He isn’t sure about Odasaku, but Ango will surely find out from somewhere that he didn’t attend, maybe he’ll even start pitying? They are always like that, they care too much.
He glanced through a glass window and saw Chuuya’s face smiling like an idiot. That was enough for him to get extremely jealous again. He wasn’t a child denying his feelings anymore, at least in his mind he knew what jealousy was and that it came naturally to him. He dragged himself to the ports, close to his container but not close enough for anyone to get a hint of where he lived. The ocean was clear and snow was everywhere, the sky was sort of cloudy but the lights from the city reflecting on the water were pretty enough. The thick gray smoke escaping his lips blended into the white vapors from his breaths, it was too cold today. Maybe till next year, he wouldn’t be alive for being so lonely.
—————クリスマス—————
Odasaku is dead.
20
The agency is celebrating today. He even helped with decorating and buying things earlier, it felt surreal. Maybe he should’ve spent one last Christmas with Odasaku. He shouldn’t have been so afraid to be a bad influence on his kids, they ended up dying anyway. He wasn’t blind, he saw how the agency held close to itself its members, how Ranpo, Yosano, Fukuzawa, and Kunikida seemed to care for each other so much. If there were ever a chance to test out, he knew one thing that he couldn’t be wrong about.
He was the second choice for everyone.
Ane-san kept Chuuya safe, Mori cared about the organization, Akutagawa cared for his sister, and the Agency clenched on itself. Chuuya didn’t give a fuck about him ever. There was trust for sure but it was built on life and death situations. Not the care friends should have for each other. They were brought together by circumstances, not by choice.
Kunikida huffed angrily upon reading the text. Dazai had not even cared for the formalities as the newbie and ran off on a date! Fukuzawa calmed him saying it was a holiday and he could do what he wanted. Ranpo was skeptical but decided not to interfere.
—————クリスマス—————
22
Fukuzawa had insisted on him joining this year, and with so many juniors around who cared for Dazai, it became harder for the other members to ignore Dazai’s absence. His excuse to the president, “Mafiosi celebrate with traditions. I’m not a member anymore but… Christmas is something very personal to me. So please let me have it my way.” was probably the most sincere Dazai had looked since his entrance exam. That was enough for Fukuzawa who didn’t pry further.
He didn’t avoid Christmas altogether though. He bought presents for the kids, he decorated the office room and put embarrassing alarms on Kunikida’s phone, but before the celebration itself could begin, Dazai found himself bidding goodbyes.
“Why won’t you celebrate with everyone?” Atsushi asked. He remembered Ranpo calling this progress, upon the first time of their joining, Dazai hadn’t even talked properly around the Christmas season. Atsushi saw the glimmer of something sweet and at the same time, something painful in Dazai’s eyes at the sight of a lit-up Christmas tree.
Dazai clenched the matchbox in his hand. “I’ve got a Christmas date! You guys enjoy, alright? Make sure to send me all the embarrassing pictures!
Merry Christmas, everyone!”
—————クリスマス—————
(Extra)
Hirotsu walked up to the railing without many expectations. He knew this to be the only spot where Dazai-could be found on a cold snowy day. Much to his surprise, Dazai did wait for him tonight. Cigarette in hand, damp trench coat, and melancholic eyes, he was forced to accept that Dazai-kun, the kid who never got to celebrate, was now too old for Christmas.
“How is the party coming along?” He asked with a voice somewhat laced with childish jealousy and a smile dipped in the most bitter kinds of dark chocolate.
“It’s fine. Just like every year.” Hirotsu pulled out a cigarette of his own.
“Akutagawa and-” Dazai started and got interrupted. “They’re fine too. And Koyou-kun got everyone the presents they wanted, Chuuya-kun got drunk instantly. And…” he paused before finding the right words. “Boss thanked you for your greetings.”
They were silent for a while. From this rooftop, the city looked beautiful and it was obvious why Dazai liked coming here. You could see the city’s conditions perfectly from this high up, even after destruction, this place reminded you of what exists in pure honesty. And today, it was honestly just joy. In the cold of December, Yokohama looked warm.
“I used to hate Mori-san for not letting me slip in.” Dazai said after a long inhale of the remaining cigarette, “How kind of him to protect me from the world? At least I was in a delusion before, now it’s all just bitter and cold. Port Mafia has taken away another thing from me, Hirotsu-san! I hate Christmas so much!”
Dazai-kun didn’t talk to unimportant people. You know if he speaks to you, he has a certain respect for you. And Hirotsu was grateful for it.
“Aaah… I need a drink. I’ll take my leave now. Thank you and….
Merry Christmas!”