Chapter Text
Love is the single element of the world that all humans desire to receive. It is also the most lethal element, a gift that when taken away from one party, changes its precious form to a nasty slow-killing poison with no cure leaving its victim to live out the rest of their days in pure agony. That is, if taking one's own life isn't considered a "cure".
Erika was once a firm believer in the concept of true love. As a young girl, she would shamelessly indulge herself in various romance novels as any other girl her age would typically do. Stories of first kisses and promises of a happily ever after shaped Erika's ideas of what an ideal relationship should look like. Looking back on it years later, those ideas were merely full of wishful thinking and childish dreams. Her standards were set far too high for a man who will never come back.
Despite that, their love had felt real. Looking past all the obvious lies and the false promises, to her, it was the real deal. Even when he put her hands around her neck and told her things no woman should ever want to hear, she still loved him regardless.
He might never come back, but he permanently cemented a special place inside her tar-black heart. A place that continues to burn and ache with agony to this day.
"Erika-san..?" Erika felt a small tug on her dress, snapping her back to the present and freeing her from her own thoughts. She looked over her shoulder and was greeted by one of her younger cousins, who looked up at her nervously.
"Um.. They're about to start serving dinner so... You should come back in."
Erika smiled. "I'll be there soon. Just give me a minute, okay?" Gently patting her cousin on the head, she sent her back her merry way, leaving Erika all alone with her delusions on the deck of the boat again.
The cruise was labeled as a "casual family getaway", but Erika knew what its true purpose was.
After the breakup, Erika turned into a shell of her former self. She didn't find joy in any of the things she used to love doing, she went weeks without uttering a single word to anyone, and she spent most of her free time locked inside her bedroom, refusing to leave whenever someone called out to her. She was stuck in her world, a world where he was still with her. Where they talked passionately every night about their future together, discussed potentially getting married and occasionally bringing up the possibility of having kids someday.
It was all a fantasy she created to shield herself from the truth. He would be marrying another woman, and that woman was not her. It was the hardest bullet she'd ever have to swallow.
She didn't smile, she didn't cry, she didn't yell out in rage at her ex-boyfriend's betrayal. She didn't curse him every passing second of her life, hoping he'd meet a tragic end nor did she howl in desperation for him to come back to her and hold her tightly in his arms, telling her she's the only girl for him and he'd made a terrible mistake. None of that ever happened.
All she did was exist, slowly withering away as she sat cross-legged on her bedroom floor. Staring blankly at her mirror everyday, waiting for the day to pass and for the cycle to repeat all over again. Countless sleepless nights and silent days spent waiting, waiting, waiting and waiting for a call she'll never receive. A phone that never rings. An answering machine that never answers. A dial tone that never picks up. She'd wait regardless.
That was the life Furudo Erika lived for the past year.
Her family tried hard, very hard, to cheer her up and get her back to the way she once was, hoping to see her bright smile again. They took her on various trips, either to the local zoo or a private theater, or to the other side of the world. They'd ask her what she liked, and on the very next day, she would be greeted with a massive pile of presents at her bedroom door. It was like trying to lure out a mouse with a cheese trap. Nothing ever seemed to really work though, Erika was still a shattered girl who sat on the floor everyday and basked in her own self-loathing and personal torture. Occasionally, she would give a light nod when presented with a new gift or quietly thank them for flying her across the country to visit a fun amusement park, but that was the only sign of emotion she would ever give.
This boat trip was just another one of their desperate attempts at distracting her from her pain, and of course, it was miserably failing at doing so. But it was the thought that counts, right?
Clinging onto the railings, Erika gazed out at the vast sea ahead of her. It was an ugly, murky, gray color that didn't sparkle no matter how strong the sun shone. It was like staring directly into a trash bin and expecting a diamond to pop up. Yet, the sound of the waves and the "nya, nya!" cries of the seagulls were strangely relaxing in a way.
How different would life be like, if Erika was born as a maritime animal? Seagulls live the entirety of their lives swiftly breezing through the grand blue sky, looking down at the fish who were born without wings and unable to experience the beauty of flight. However, those fish were born with their own blessing- the lack of ability to think. The seagulls may laugh and mock the fish, but the fish will never mind as it cannot think and therefore, can't process emotions. Ignorance is bliss, but stupidity is heaven. Though the fish can't think, it can still feel the pain of being shredded by the jaws of an angry seal. The seal can't fly, nor can it stop thinking, but its monstrous strength and unique ability to go on land make up for its demerits.
Humans can't fly. Humans were cursed with being the smartest species on earth. Humans can't defend themselves without relying on something else to do it for them. Do marine animals live a happier life than humans?
It's a stupid question that will most likely never be answered.
If I could start all over again, I think I'd like to be a dolphin.
Suddenly, a loud crash roared throughout the deck, shaking and rocking everything and everyone on the boat with an immense force.
Startled by the unexpected noise, Erika lost her footing and was unable to strengthen her grip on the railing. Her fingers slipped past the metallic fencing and as a combined result of the intense shaking of the deck, she was promptly plunged headfirst into the sea below her.
Panicking, Erika desperately kicked and splashed in an attempt to cause enough of a ruckus for someone on the cruise ship to notice she had fallen overboard. But due to having no prior experience in swimming, she was rapidly sinking at the same time, barely managing to keep her head above water.
Her screams for help were heard by no one as the powerful current of the ocean dragged her farther and farther from the ship and the rest of her family. Eventually, she was no longer able to cry out for help as she choked on saltwater entering her lungs and sunk deeper into the dark sea. The beautiful clear sky and warm rays of a bright sun now both a distant memory, her body felt weightless as she was dragged further into what seemed like a bottomless abyss.
In the end, no one came back for Erika. The silhouette of the boat faded into the sunset, and life went on without her.
And so eventually, she stopped fighting in an effort to survive, and allowed herself to be swallowed up by the ocean. It was a fitting end for her, almost too fitting that it seemed like someone had deliberately planned it beforehand as some sort of sick joke.
The man she loved abandoned her. Her family abandoned her. Now it was time for her soul to abandon her own body.
Sinking deeper, deeper and deeper…