There's This Girl...

by iolite_rab

Summary:

Regulus, Evan, Dorcas and Barty make some weird deal (the rules are very unclear) which then results in regulus having to find a way to get james to go out with him

except him and james arent even friends - barely aqauintences, they are long past enemies but they aren't at a stage where it'd be socially acceptable to just ask him on a date

so regulus asks him to teach him how to skate to "impress a girl"

✨choas✨

i promise it's better than it sounds (thats a lie it is probably worse but be nice and read it u lovely idiots <3)

Chapter 1: chapter one

Regulus~

The hallways were a mess - per usual. But everyone who passed Regulus seemed to be frantic in a way they only are when Regulus’ stupid brother and his idiotic friends have done yet another “hilarious” prank. Normally Regulus would keep walking (no he would not) but he can’t help the fact he’s a naturally curious person, so he followed the noise. He expected something stupid and his brother did not disappoint (gods, couldn’t he disappoint - just this once). It wasn’t even funny, just on the nose and stupid, so, so, stupid. Professor Slughorn sat outside his classroom tugging and pushing at the door. ‘Oh, why would he be doing that, Regulus?’ You may ask, well that’s quite simple, Sirius and his goons filled his room with slugs.

As he said - on the nose.

Regulus scanned the hall for his brother (not because he found it funny, of course. He just wanted to tell him how stupid it was to his face.) Instead his eyes fell on James Potter, as they always seemed to do recently. He’s sitting there all pretty looking giggling into Macdonald’s shoulder, Sirius right behind him, arm around Pettigrew laughing maniacally. If they think they’re acting inconspicuous, they’re either so far up their own asses or take us all for fools. Lupin seemed to be the only one with enough of a brain to blend into the shock of the crowd and at least is trying to smother his laughter.

“That’s enough, that’s enough! Move along, there’s really nothing to see.” Slughorn ushered red in the face, Sirius’ howl of laughter filled the hall.

Regulus crossed the hall and grabbed onto Sirius to pull him along with him. “You’re an idiot, also your jokes are dry and your laugh is the most hideous thing I’ve ever heard in my life and I’ve heard cousin Bellatrix talk ‘seductively’ on multiple occasions.” Regulus spat while pulling his brother away from Slughorn before the buffoon realised that it was him who’d done it.

“Yet you’re pulling me along with you, why's that, brother? Miss me?” Sirius pouted next to Regulus’ ear.

“No, I’m saving your ass from yet another detention.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Aww, you care.” Sirius cooed dramatically tugging on his brother’s shoulder.

Regulus went to reply but was cut off by the rest of Sirius’ goons catching up with them. Lupin threw his arm around Sirius’ shoulders and whispered something in his ear, they were so painfully obvious. Pettigrew strolled up giggling with James and his stupid skateboard he carried everywhere with him yet never even rode (seriously - what's the reason holding it if you can’t ride it at school - or as Regulus suspects: can’t ride at all).

“Reggie, come to congratulate us?” James smirked.

“Or are you here to tell us how awesome that was?” Peter giggled next to him.

“Maybe he’s here to tell us how we made his day.” Remus laughed along.

“Oh, you’re all wrong. He's just here to ridicule me, again.” Sirius fake pouted.

“You know, my Mum’s shrink would say that’s his way of showing he loves you, Padfoot. He simply cannot word it out of fear.” Peter said matter of factly.

“You’re Mums seeing a shrink? Since when?” Remus question.

“Since she found out that shrinks basically just hear you rant about your kids for an hour, then tell you something about yourself that you can just ignore if you please. She always pleases.” Peter smiled fondly.

“Is that true Regulus? Do you feel you can’t tell me you love me?” Sirius joked.

“If I told you to get fucked would you take that as a proclamation of my love as well?” Regulus challenged. Sirius looked to his goons before nodding sarcastically. “Then I advise you to do the opposite, think that means you might need to take a step back, Lupin.” Sirius sputtered while James and Pettigrew crowed.

“Whatever.” Sirius rolled his eyes, though his flustered cheeks sold him out. “Why’d you pull me off, anyways?” Sirius made sure not to joke this time.

“You were about to sell yourself out to Slughorn, I was helping believe it or not.” Regulus went to roll his eyes but stopped before he could look anything like his idiot of a brother.

“Well, you’ve taken the fun out of a prank, thanks Reg.”

“Well, I do live to ruin your day cher frère.”

Sirius laughed, “So, that's all? Nothing else?” He questioned.

“There was but,” Regulus eyed Sirius’ friends, “we’ll talk later.” Sirius nodded before grabbing Lupin and Pettigrew and strolling off screaming his goodbyes over his shoulder. “And why are you still here, Potter?” Regulus eyed James, who had yet to leave.

“Oh- I was just going to- to be perfectly honest I didn’t realise everyone else had left-” James laughed softly, beautiful idiot.

“I get the sense you don’t realise many things, Potter.”

“Are you calling me stupid?”

“Well the word I was thinking of was unaware but I guess you are rather daft.”

James laughed, Regulus insulted him and he laughed?

“You know you live in my house, right?” James questioned.

“Oh, really? I didn’t realise. Gods Potter, thanks for telling me I might have shown up at the wrong house come break.”

James laughed, again.

“I meant it more as, you can call me James. You know, first name basis stuff for people who share a bathroom.”

“Is sharing a bathroom the metric system for whether or not you can call someone by their first name?”

“Well, obviously I didn’t mean that.”

“If it’s the case I might start calling Slughorn, Horus. I’ve seen him use the Slytherin lavatories multiple times.”

“If calling Slughorn, Horus, makes you call me James instead of trying to intimidate me or whatever it is you get out of calling me, ‘Potter’, then go ahead” James grinned as if he’d just successfully bantered with Regulus.

“I’m afraid the kick I get out of calling you, Potter, gives me far too much joy to change. You wouldn’t want to take away my joy would you, Potter.” Regulus smirked around the name.

“You’re very dramatic, has anyone ever told you that you’re very dramatic?”

“Here and there.” Regulus held back his smile when James laughed again.

“You’re actually quite funny.”

“I’m flattered.” Regulus said dryly before looking up at James who was smiling back down at him. Godrick, it was blinding. Regulus decided right then and there it was time to cut this off. “Bye.” he said before walking off.

“You’re going?” James questioned, following after him.

“Attempting to.”

“There are nicer ways to say goodbye.”

“Why don’t you tell me one, preferably right now.”

“Well there’s, ‘sorry James, I’m quite busy and I have to get going.’ or ‘James, I gotta run but we’ll catch up later.’ or maybe-”

“I was telling you to say goodbye and go, you dolt.” Regulus ridiculed.

“I’ll follow you around all of Hogwarts until you say goodbye nicely, Reg.” James sang.

“One, that’s harassment-”

“What-”

“Two, don’t call me ‘Reg’.”

“Sirius calls you Reg.”

“Sirius is my brother.” James went to argue and Regulus held up his hand to silence him, internally shocked it worked. “And, three, don’t you ‘marauders’ have responsibilities.” Regulus rolled his eyes at the name they’d appointed themselves.

“We do but right now I’m not all that busy.” James smiled. Stupid stupid smile.

“I’ve got to go, Potter. I will not catch up with you later. Goodbye.” Regulus turned the corner and picked up his pace, James' laughter left around the bend though it felt like it followed him.

If you haven’t realised yet, Regulus Black is completely and utterly whipped for James Potter. It wasn’t always this way, he used to hate him in first through to fifth year… and maybe a little bit still. Regulus may be old enough now to see that James didn’t exactly steal Sirius from him, but that doesn't mean that sometimes he isn’t overrun by the annoyingly loud voice of his younger self telling him to burn James Potter to the ground. So yes, now, Regulus thinks James was crafted by angels but that does not mean he’ll be nice to him.

Except his smile is really nice.

Like, really nice.

Especially when Regulus is the one causing it.

Regulus and James aren’t exactly friends, and he wouldn’t go as far as to call them acquaintances. James is Sirius’ friend and that’s their connection… that and that he’d seen Regulus sobbing on his living room floor in his brother's arms after just nearly escaping their mother.

It was quite embarrassing really, running to Sirius after everything. But Regulus couldn’t do it anymore, and Sirius was Sirius. No matter where Regulus went or what he did, Sirius would always be Regulus’ first call. So, when mother demanded he go back to his sixth year at Hogwarts as not only a married man but a man married to his cousin. He’d denied her of course. She and Bellatrix went to extravagant lengths to change his mind, until eventually she’d decided the only way to get him to listen was to do what she’d always done when one of them wasn’t being easily agreeable.

So he ran to Sirius, as he always did. Which really was the only right thing to do and the Potters are lovely. Fleamont is fun and has this energy to him that makes everyone feel like they are in on some kind of inside joke, he makes Regulus feel like he isn’t intruding. Fleamont is great but Euphemia is arguably the only reason Regulus is able to feel safe in their home. Euphemia came from a pureblood family not too different from the Blacks, her family is still close with his own, as it is; assholes tend to stick together (probably the only reason he and his lot are so close). She understands what it’s like, how it felt to be there, he wouldn’t have ever been able to feel settled if she wasn’t there. She was the first person he spoke to that wasn’t Sirius, granted it took 3 weeks but if it wasn’t for her it would have been longer. Then there's James.

James.

Regulus didn’t realise living in his house meant he’d try to talk to him, that was not in the deal (at least not the one he’d crafted in his mind). Obviously they don’t talk enough to be considered friends but James talks to him a lot more than he anticipated (like a lot more - seriously, where does he get off saying good morning every morning and asking how his sleep was). Regulus realised they were getting awfully close to being acquaintances but didn’t realise they were getting close enough to banter (which in hindsight it wasn’t that big of a step, the guy has made him coffee multiple times). The banter wasn’t even that good, so why does his heart feel like it just ran a 200k cross country while chain smoking?

Regulus feels like a drunk man walking into his dorm. Evan is splayed out on Barty’s bed next to him while Dorcas is sitting on the edge of the bed braiding Pandora’s hair. They all looked up at him when he walked in.

“Oh no. Regulus, why do you look like that?” Evan questioned him, sitting up from Barty.

“What? I don’t look like anything, I assure you I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Regulus sat down next to Pandora on the floor.

“Awww, you’re so pathetic.” Dorcas laughed.

“Really Regulus, I expected better. So, what’d he do this time?” Barty smirked.

“He tried to banter with me.” Regulus confessed.

“Tried?” Pandora said while passing him some chips, “Stress eat like the rest of us.”

“Thanks. And yes, tried. He was quite horrible at it.”

“Why are you smiling if it was bad?”

“Because I’m an idiot.” Pandora nodded along with him.

“What’d you talk about?” Dora asked while playing with one of their finished braids.

“Want a play by play or a summary.”

“Summary.” Dorcas replied while smacking Pandora’s hand away from their braids.

“Slughorn. Bathrooms. Harassment. Goodbyes.”

“I changed my mind, give me a play by play.” Dorcas laughed.

“No, no, I like that version better. If you want a play by play, do it on your own time. Don’t ruin the beautiful image in my head.” Barty smiled.

“I never, ever, want to see that image.” Evan concluded.

“But, Evie, you’d love it.” Barty said, wrapping his arms around Evans waist and pulling him back down to him.

“Don’t call me, Evie.” Evan reminded, even though at this point it's an empty reminder and they all know he doesn’t mean it. Barty replied by shoving his head into the crook of Evan’s neck.

“So what are you gonna do?” Dorcas cutting Barty and Evan’s gross displays of affection off.

“What do you mean ‘do’? There is no ‘do’. Why in Arthers sword would I ‘do’ anything?”

“Because you’re melting over a five second interaction. So, I guess I figured you’d want to at least try to get more five second interactions.” Dorcas rolled her eyes.

“You’re forgetting Reg has no game so it’d be useless to try.” Barty chimed in.

“I do too have game!” Regulus argued.

“Name one time because I can’t think of a single one.” Barty smirked.

“Remember Deliah Lockheart? Or Amelia davis? Or Jeanis Darkhold?” Regulus argued.

“Oh, you mean the array of straight girls who took your lack of objectification of them as you being a gentleman, not just a raging homo?” Evan teased.

“It’s still game!” Regulus contended.

“But it wasn’t intentional, so it doesn’t count, moron.” Dorcas chided.

 

“Sorry, Reggie, it doesn’t.” Pandora added.

“Wrong side, Dora. My side, be on my side.” Regulus reminded her.

Pandora looked to Evan who shook his head, “Evan says you’re wrong, he’s normally right about you being wrong.”

“I’m being ganged up on by Rosiers.”

“Then stop keeping so many as company.” Evan rolled his eyes.

“You should try to ‘do’ something, Reggie.” Dora smiled.

“No.”

“Couldn’t even give us a more creative response?” Barty teased.

“No.”

“At least give us a reason.” Evan challenged, knowing Regulus could give him thousands of reasons.

“I have a list: He’s my brothers best friend, I live with him, I have enough self preservational skills to not object myself to humiliation, he’s straight, he thinks I’m straight, I’m busy, I’m not bothered, he-”

“How longs this list?” Dorcas cut in.

“Longer than your lifespan.” Regulus said blank faced. “But, you do realise how stupid it would be for me to do something about this, right?”

“Yeah, Reg, we know.” Evan rolled his eyes. “We didn’t think you’d actually do anything, we aren’t idiots.” Evan looked at Barty, “Most of us aren't idiots.” He laughed as Barty pinched him. They were sickeningly adorable, Barty and Evan weren’t dating but they all knew it wouldn’t be long till they started, they just needed a push… a push…

“I’ll do something.” Regulus promised, “On one condition.” He looked up at Evan.

Evan laughed, “Okay sure, name your price, loverboy.”

“If I ‘do’ something, you all also have to ‘do’ something as well.” Regulus challenged. Barty and Evan both went stiff.

“What if we don’t have someone to ‘do’ something with?” Pandora questioned.

“Find someone.”

“I wanna be left out of this, if I’m finding love it will be natural, not because Regulus Black makes stupid dares.” Pandora concluded.

“I’ll do it, just gotta charm some random bloke, it’s not that hard.” Dorcas rolled her eyes.

“No, it has to be someone you either are interested in or have the potential to be interested in. Meaning, you can’t charm some ‘random bloke’ because there's no potential there.” Regulus stated.

“You do realise all the girls here are straighter than all of us combined.”

“That’s not a hard thing to do, but also, you don’t know that.”

“Fine, but if you stop actively trying to do something, then we all get to as well. Sans Dora, of course.” Dorcas decided.

“Deal.” Regulus looked back up at Evan and Barty, “Boys, you in? Because I’m not doing it if you all aren’t. Sans Dora.”

“Fine. But to make this clear, I’m allowed to get with some random guy, because technically if it’s a guy it means there's a potential to be interested in him.” Evan challenged, making Barty double take.

That wasn’t what he wanted but Regulus decided he could work with that… well more so, jealousy could work with that. “Fine, agreed.” Barty’s jaw clenched.

“Okay, let's do it then.” Barty said, letting go of Evan. Well, that’s definitely not what he wanted.

“Then that’s that.” Dorcas decided, shaking all their hands, “Good luck men but I’m winning this.”

“Sorry, this is a competition now?” Regulus asked.

“Isn’t everything with us?” Evan more so stated than asked.

“I guess it is. So what’s the prize?” Barty asked.

“Winner choses something and all the losers, also known as Barty, Evan and Regulus, buy the winner, also known as Dorcas meadowes, whatever it was that they - she - chose.” Dorcas decides. They all nod in agreement and spend the rest of their night attempting to psych each other out.

—----------------------------------------------------------------

Regulus had spent his whole night embarrassingly thinking about how to win this stupid bet with Dorcas, Evan and Barty. He wants to back out of it but he’d also rather die than admit this was a stupid idea, also, in his defence, it’s helping Evan and Barty, they need this.

So that’s why he’s now purposely walking in places James would probably be, to be perfectly candid he has no idea what he’s going to do but he needs to win this, or at least keep it going long enough to get Barty and Evan together.

“Is there a reason you’ve walked past the Defence Against The Dark Arts classroom like 7 times?” Sirius questioned while throwing his arm around his brother's shoulder.

Regulus shrugged him off, “I’m looking for your imbecile of a friend.”

“Which one? You think they’re all imbeciles.”

“Potter.”

Sirius pulled them both to a stop, “Pourquoi as-tu besoin de James ?”

“I fail to see how that’s your business.”

“It’s my business because it’s weird and he’s my best friend and you’re my brother, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“I just need him for something. Détendez-vous, je ne prends pas votre précieux James Potter.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Ne commencez pas.” Sirius rolled his eyes, mirroring his brother.

“I just need his help with something. Tu peux te détendre maintenant.”

“Why are you asking him for help? Attends, tu vas bien ?”

“Je vais bien. Détendez-vous, s'il vous plaît.”

“Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?” Sirius continued prying. Regulus had to think of something before Sirius worried himself into a strop.

Regulus was put on the spot, so you can’t blame him for the blanks his mind filled, “It’s nothing, I swear.”

“Dites-moi. Si ce n'est rien, dis-le moi. Je suis sérieux, Reggie.”

“I know you are.”

“Stop being funny. Qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?” Sirius pressured.

“I…” Regulus caught glimpse of James walking up to them with Lupin, holding onto his skateboard (the one he literally never fucking rides) and his brain filled the blanks, “I want him to teach me how to skate?”

Sirius cackled, “What?! You have to be joking! Oh my gods this is amazing! PRONGS! OI! COME HERE MATE, YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS!” Regulus could die. Regulus could very well die. Regulus might just die.

James and Lupin walked over faster, “Whats up, Padfoot.” James looked at Regulus, “Hey. Reg-”

“REGULUS WANTS YOU TO TEACH HIM HOW TO SKATE!” Sirius screamed.

James looked at Regulus drawing his eyebrows together, “You do? Is this a joke?”

“Might as well be.” Sirius cackled, holding onto the wall for support. It wasn’t even that funny.

Lupin (Godrick he wasn’t as stupid as his company) seemed sceptical, “Why do you want to learn how to skate?” He eyed him suspiciously.

Regulus’ brain stopped moving, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, was all he could think. He looked to the side of Lupin’s head to see a group of girls looking at them all giggling. Again his mind filled the blanks, “There’s this girl…”

Everyone went silent, except of course Lupin, still sceptical, “What’s her name?”

“Why would I tell you that?”

“Okay then, what’s she like?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“Why do you think you deserve an answer?”

 

“What does skating have to do with a girl?”

“She likes skaters.”

Lupin didn’t seem convinced but he nodded anyway, “Aww, little Reggie has a crush.” Sirius sang while throwing his arm around Regulus. “I don’t support changing yourself for a girl but I also would love to see you fall off a skateboard.” Sirius teased.

James still hadn’t said anything, he just sat there looking at Regulus as if he’d grown a second head. “Quel est le problème avec lui?” Regulus asked Sirius. James coughed as if he was choking on air.

“Que veux-tu dire?” This time Lupin was the one coughing.

“Ew, sont-ils malades ou quoi ?”

“ils n'étaient pas. Je ne sais pas maintenant.”

“Stop that.” Remus said, putting his hand over Sirius’ mouth.

“Please.” James added, finally saying something.

“So, will you teach me? Or was I right and you actually don’t know how to skate.” Regulus looked to James.

“Well- I mean- It’s not that simple, you know?” He smiled though looking shell shocked.

“I’m a fast learner, I assure you.”

“Well if you’re sure, I- well I don’t see why not to.” James smiled.

“Cool.” Regulus turned around, “Bye.” walking away he could hear his brother's laughter filling the hallway.

The gods must hate Regulus because James somehow was right next to him again (he swears up and down he’d just materialised there somehow - he doesn’t know how but he’ll find out). “Are you sure about this?” James questioned.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Regulus challenged.

“Well, I don’t know, you didn’t seem certain.” He sounded… concerned?

“I’m quite certain, you’re the one who doesn’t sound certain.”

“No, no, I’ll help you. Seriously.” He smiled again, Regulus wished he’d stop doing that.

“Okay. Bye.” Regulus continued to walk away, but James followed, again.

“Reggie.”

“Stop calling me that, and what?”

“I mean, it’s going to take a while to teach you how to skate, so we’re gonna be spending quite some time together. So maybe you should open up at least one nickname to me, it’d be weird to call you Regulus constantly.”

“It’s only weird if you make it weird.”

“Reg or Reggie?” He persisted.

“.... fine, Reg is fine.” Godrick was he really this weak? James smiled, so maybe this wasn’t a horrible development. Regulus suddenly realised this makes them at least acquaintances. He didn’t like that development… “Bye.” He walked off even faster.

“Reg.” He followed… again.

“What, Potter?”

“It’s James.”

“Potter.”

“Fine, we’ll work on that.” He smiled (for Merlin's sake, please stop smiling.).

“Bye.”

“Reg.”

“What?”

He didn’t say anything, just looked at him expectantly.

“Fine. I’ve got to go, Potter. I will unwillingly catch up with you later. Goodbye.” Regulus said turning the corner, heat rushing to his cheeks when James’ laugh once again painted his leave.

Godrick he was royally fucked.

Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Summary:

fuck around find out

Notes:

HFDIJFJDSK AAAAAAA 130 READS ON THE FIRST CHAPTER- YALL STOP IT ILL CRY IM EASILY EMOTIONAL WTF GUYS <33333333

also someone dm'd me on tumblr asking me what evans sexuality is in this bc of this line: “Fine. But to make this clear, I’m allowed to get with some random guy, because technically if it’s a guy it means there's a potential to be interested in him.” Evan challenged, making Barty double take.

so to clear up all my hcs on their sexualities and genders just incase u don't like these hcs and no longer wanna read here they are because each to their own and if u arent vibing with one of my hcs u should know bfr u read yk?<3:

regulus: gay
james: pansexual
sirius: gay
remus: bisexual and FTM trans (a personal fav hc of mine)
peter: indentifies as queer - doesnt go into detail about it bc he simply doesnt want to and thats completely okay <3
evan: gay, asexual
barty: bisexual
pandora: non-binary, unlabelled
dorcas: lesbian
marlene: lesbian
lily: lesbian (yeah fight me)
mary: bisexual, MTF trans

SO YEAH THATS THAT - sorry i rambled 💀

OH ALSO INCASE U WERE CONFUSED - PANDORAS A ROSIER IN THIS FIC

okay im shutting up now <3

Regulus ~

Regulus made sure to slam the door extra hard on his way into his dorm, getting both Evan and Barty’s attention. Evan was on his bed reading, while Barty was drawing little figures on his legs.

“I hate you both and I hate this bet.” Regulus stated before sitting himself between Evan and Barty.

“You lose already, Reg?” Barty teased.

“No, actually, I’m closer to winning than any of you are.” Regulus smiled, then quickly changed that because this is not a smiling matter.

“What? As if.” Barty scoffed.

“It’s true, James and I will probably be hanging out daily at this point.”

“Bullshit! You’re lying, Reggie.” Barty screeched.

“I’m not doubting your abilities, Reg, but I also call bullshit.” Evan shrugged.

“Fine, don’t believe me. I’m upping the price on my prize, though.” Regulus tested.

“Alright then, what’d you do that's got you two all close now?” Evan questioned, closing his book.

“I asked him to teach me how to skate.” Regulus stated blankly, as if the words weren’t burning him from the inside out.

“You’re kidding-” Barty looked at him and all his sureness and burst out laughing, “OH, GODRICK, EVAN, HE’S NOT KIDDING!” Barty cackled, shaking Regulus by his shoulder (always the dramatic laugher).

“What compelled you to do something so stupid, yet so endearing, loverboy?” Evan teased.

“Sirius found me looking for him and put me on the spot, turns out I’ve suddenly lost my ability to think on the spot.” Regulus fell back onto Evan’s pillows.

“So when’s your first lesson, Mr. Tony Alva?” Barty said, while now drawing on Regulus’ leg.

“I have no idea and quite frankly, I’d like to keep it that way. So, what about you two? Any improvements?” Regulus wasn’t sure what he was expecting, ‘Yeah Reg, Barty and I are now dating and have finally gotten over ourselves and realised what was right in front of us!!’ which yes, albeit might be a little unrealistic but can’t a boy dream?

“Yes actually, I have.” Barty smiled brightly, Evan looked seasick.

“Well then, who is the unlucky loser?” Evan joked with not an ounce of humour in his eyes.

“Elias Knightly, hasn’t said yes yet but that’s just because I haven’t asked yet. But, trust me it’s gonna happen, he’s totally ass over teakettle for me.” Barty smirked. Regulus wanted to push him out the window for being so daft.

“Hmm, I’ve spoken to Elias before, took him for wiser.” said dryly.

“Well Ev, at least I’ve got one going for me.” Barty teased.

Evan clenched his jaw, “Actually, I’ve scored a date.”

Barty stopped drawing and went stiff, Regulus wanted to step in but Godrick he kind of didn’t want to miss anything. He’ll fix it later. “Who?”

 

Evan’s eyes sprang around the room at the speed of light, “Amos.”

“Amos? Hufflepuff Amos?” Regulus sputtered, suddenly completely enthralled in what was unravelling in front of him. His role as responsible best friend fleeting his mind.

“Diggory? Him? Why would you go for him? He’s so- blonde?” Barty argued.

“I’m blonde.” Evan stared at him.

“That’s different. And honestly, I think if the date is Diggory, it shouldn’t count. Reggie, that doesn’t count, right?” Jealousy was etching itself in Barty’s features, and Regulus’ mind was running wild.

“No, no, it counts.” Regulus said calmly, before smirking up at Barty, “Great catch though, right Barty? I mean, Diggory’s hot.” Barty’s jaw clenched harder. Oh, Regulus could definitely work with this.

“He’s barely moderate.” Barty spat.

“I think he’s rather charming, great choice, Ev.” Barty looked betrayed. It hurt to see that look directed at him, he wanted to reach out and promise him that it’d all work out, that he was just pushing him. Why couldn’t he see he was pushing him to something he clearly wanted.

“I think I'd rather eat literal cow shit, than touch Diggory in any way.” Barty rolled his eyes.

“Elias isn’t much better.” Evan chided

“I think Elias is quite a good choice too.” Regulus cut in again, stirring the pot until they both explode.

“He’s literally hideous.” Evan spat.

“I think he’s beautiful.”

“Oh? You think he’s beautiful? Well that’s just lovely. Isn’t that lovely, Regulus? Isn’t it just so lovely? That is so lovely, Barty.” Evan continued to say the word ‘lovely’ another 50 times until eventually they all just went to bed.

—-----------------------------------------------------

 

Regulus was trying to remind himself that by the end of this, Evan and Barty would stop being absolute morons and get together already. And, Dorcas might possibly have a girlfriend by the end of it, which is another plus. Regulus fails to see what he gets from this other than broken ribs and scraped elbows and even more crazed by James Potter. That realisation dropped him into a whole train of thought about how many injuries he’d have acquired by the end of this whole bet. This thought process was quickly cut off by Evan throwing himself into Regulus’ bed and chucking on a few silencing spells.

“What the fuck.” Regulus pushed Evan off of his legs.

“I fucked up.”

“Okay.”

“No, Reggie. I REALLY REALLY FUCKED UP!”

“This is new?”

“Can you please, please, be helpful right now?”

“Fine,” Regulus breathed in harshly, “what’s going on, Evan? How can I be of assistance?”

“Wow, you’re horrible.” Evan said while rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“What’s up?”

“Better. Okay, don’t scream at me.”

“I can’t promise that.” Regulus joked.

“I’m not going out with Amos. I lied. I don’t even know if he likes dudes. I haven’t spoken to him since 3rd year when I pushed him down the stairs, for stepping on Pandora’s new shoes. Regulus, what the fuck do I do.” Evan pleaded with him.

“Why the hell would you say you’re taking him out then?!” Regulus whisper screamed, even though there was a silencing spell.

“He was bragging about Elias! You heard him bragging, Reggie. I had to do something.” Evan pouted.

“So you fucking made up a relationship?! With a probably straight man?!” Regulus knew his friends were idiots but for the love of Hades, this was a lot.

“Reggie, you have to help me get with him. Please, I’ll buy you like 20 books! Just please, fucking help me, man.” Evan pleaded.

“Fucking fine. Merlin, you really are a moron.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

Evan jumped up and slapped a disgusting sloppy kiss on Regulus’ cheek, “THANK YOU! You’re lovely, you’re so lovely, have I ever told you that you’re lovely.”

“Get out of my bed before I burn off your pubic hair and shove it down your throat.”

 

—-------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Regulus had spent his whole night trying to figure out how to help Evan, he’d fallen asleep at some ungodly hour of the morning only to have to drag himself down to breakfast at 8am, except of course the universe hates him so he didn’t make it past the Slytherin common room exit.

“You’re up late.” James smiled at him.

“It’s 8am. Why are you here?”

“You said you wanted me to teach you to skate.”

“Yeah, at a proper, more functioning hour.”

“Well, I just figured with our schedules it’d make it hard so we should fill our mornings with it.”

“And I figured you had enough of a brain to realise how utterly stupid that is.”

James laughed, “So, would you rather I teach you in the afternoons?”

“Yes, any person with common sense could’ve figured that out, Potter” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“James.”

“Why are you talking to yourself? Godrick, you’re strange.”

“Call me, James.” Was he ever going to drop that?

“No. Also, don’t show up at my common room again.”

“Why?”

“Because, you’re lucky you didn’t get cursed to tartarus and back, this time. I cannot imagine what’d happen if there was a next time.”

“Okay, but what if I want to find you?” James questioned as if that’s a situation they’d ever be in.

“Don’t.”

“But if it’s important?”

“Wait.”

“But if it’s really important?”

“I doubt it is.”

James laughed, “Okay, fine, I won’t go to your common room. Anyways, are we skating today or not?”

“You couldn’t decide to do this on a day I felt less dead.” Regulus joked.

“Dead? Are you alright? Want me to get Sirius?” He sounded genuinely concerned.

“A joke, James.” Regulus clocked his own mistake before James.

“JAMES! YOU SAID IT! Wait- no, I won’t make this a big thing. I didn’t even notice. You should do it again because I didn’t even notice, I doubt I would notice it next time.” James gave him the biggest lopsided grin. It made Regulus want to throw him out the nearest window, or maybe just kiss him, both are probable answers.

“My last class ends at 2:30, you can either meet me by the library at 2:40 or don’t come at all.” Regulus has no idea why he’s being so standoffish when he’s the one who needs this, not James.

“My last class ends at 3.” James looked at him with his eyes all sad. How was Regulus supposed to not bend his day for him?

“Then you better be there at 3:10, Potter.” Regulus felt weak for giving in so easily but Merlin, was James’ smile worth it.

“Yes! Okay, you will not regret this, I swear it. It’ll be so much fun.” he smiled practically jumping beside Regulus.

“Oh, I’m almost certain I will regret it, once I’ve broken multiple ribs and punctured my lung.” Regulus sarcastically smiled up at him.

“I don’t think you can puncture your lung, that's a bit dramatic. I mean, yes it’s a possibility that you could break a rib or two but you have multiple of those for a reason, right? So many to spare.” James laughed, waving little jazz hands.

“It doesn’t work like that, but now that you’ve said it, I feel like I finally understand you, Potter.” Regulus smiled.

“You do?” James’ cheeks reddened.

“Yeah. You’ve clearly decided that you also have enough brain cells to spare and share, meaning you’ve more than welcomed every one of the countless head injuries I assume you’ve had.” Regulus deadpanned.

“Godrick, Reggie! I thought you were gonna say something sweet for a second there!” James managed to say through laughs.

Regulus’ new life goal was to say something so witty and mean that it makes James Potter cry, not laugh. Or say something witty and mean enough that it makes him want to kiss him instead of just laugh (wow how coherent and sane are those thoughts).

“I’ve got to go. 3:10 on the dot or don’t come at all. Bye.” Regulus turned the corner not waiting for James’ reply.

Godrick, Regulus was a mess. The conversation lasted two minutes, maybe three at best, yet Regulus felt hot all over. He was not gonna survive this bet. Scratch that - he was not going to survive this day.

 

—-----------------------------------------------

 

When Regulus got to the great hall at lunch, Dorcas was already waiting by the door. She immediately grabbed onto his arm and yanked him over to a spot at the end of the table away from everyone, where only Pandora was (they know they’ll get in trouble for being there, yet they are never not at the Slytherin table.)

“I have problems.” Dorcas stated the second they’d all sat down.

“Don’t we all?” Regulus sighed, which then got him a ‘stop being a dramatic git’ slap on the hand by Pandora.

“I’m serious, Reg.”

“Oh, I didn’t realise, you just look so much different from yesterday, grand frére.” Regulus smirked at his stupid joke.

“Reggie.” Dorcas stared at him until he contended. “Okay, so basically, I may have gotten myself into a situation.”

“I’d say it’s a lot more than just a ‘situation’ but each to their own, I guess.” Pandora added.

“What’s the ‘situation’?”

“Well I’m so glad you asked,” She smiled wildly. “So, I was in class, as I tend to be on Tuesday mornings and I so happened to be seated next to McKinnon. You know Mckinnon?” Regulus nodded. “Well, I happened to be situated next to her-”

“Cass, you mentioned. Move along, come on.” Regulus cut in.

“You’re right, you’re right, you are always so right. Well I was next to her and she and her friends were doing that weird dramatic stare thingy straights do when they are separated from a friend in class. So, I joked to her, ‘wow, you know, when you look at Macdonald like that, it’s almost as if you two are a couple.’ IT WAS A JOKE REGULUS! She looked me in the eye and said, ‘Nah, me and Mary have never seen each other like that. Shame though, we’d make a hot couple.” AND SHE LAUGHED! So I was there, in pure homosexual shock, trying to figure out if it was a friendly joke or a ‘Hey, I’m gay!’ kinda way.” She stopped to catch her breath but Regulus cut her off before she could continue.

“Wow… that’s… wow…”

“Regulus, tell her not to do what she’s planning on doing.” Pandora pleaded.

“I’m sorry- just- gimme a second- wow…. Cass that’s like… wow…”

“STOP SAYING WOW!” Dorcas dug her hands into her hair.

“Okay, Okay, what do you want my help with?”

“Reggie no, run, don’t listen to anything she says, Reggie go.” Pandora cautioned.

“It can’t be that bad.”

“You’re skating with James today, right?”

“Oh, it is that bad. Okay well nice talking to you. Dora, let’s get you back to your table.” Regulus stood grabbing onto Pandora.

“REGULUS PLEASE! You know I’ve liked her since 5th. It’s your duty as my best friend to do this for me!” Dorcas begged.

“No, Dorcas.”

“Regulus, I’m begging. Don’t be an ass. Pleaseeeee.”

“Fucking- fine. What do you want me to do?” Pandora sighed and shook their head.

“Try to get James to tell you if she’s, you know…” Dorcas waved her hands in circles.

“Tarty? Spicey? Flavoured? Fruity?” Pandora offered.

“Ew, to all of them.” Regulus rolled his eyes, “But, fine. Though I’m telling you, James isn’t like that, he wouldn’t tell me. He wouldn’t betray his friends' trust.”

“But, you’ll still try?” Dorcas pressed.

“Yes, I’ll try.”

“Okay now that that’s over, what the fuck did you do to my brother?” Pandora accused.

“What do you mean? Is Ev okay?” Dorcas cut in.

“I don’t know, ask Regulus.” Pandora eyes him.

“Dora, in my defence, it was his fault.” Regulus argued.

“His fault? What was his fault? What’s going on?” Pandora interrogated.

“If he hasn’t told you then he doesn’t want you knowing, I can’t just expose him.” Regulus concluded.

“Fine.” Pandora grabbed his tie and pulled him over to Evan, “Is Regulus allowed to tell me why you’re sad?”

“You could’ve just asked me? And I’m not sad?” Evan sated confusedly

“Yes, you are.”

“It’s fine, Regulus is about to help me fix it. Aren’t you, Reggie?” He smiled at him.

“Against my better judgement but yes.”

“Well, tell me what he’s helping.” Pandora demanded.

“Yeah, what’s going on?” Barty jumped in.

“It doesn’t concern you.” Evan got up and grabbed onto Regulus and Pandora while eyeing Dorcas and Barty, “Either of you.” Then hurriedly pulled Regulus and Pandora off. Once they’d turned a few corners and were sitting in a semi-private area, Evan turned to Pandora, “Basically, I told Barty I got Amos Diggory to go on a date with me, but it was a lie. Now Regulus has to get me on a date with Amos Diggory.”

“Mind you, I haven’t spoken to him since third year when I cursed him for punching Evan in the face after Evan pushed him down the stairs for stepping on your shoes.” Regulus cut in.

“Wow, you’re an idiot.”

“I realised, thanks Pans.” Evan deadpanned.

“It’s a shame I’m not doing Care For Magical Creatures with him anymore, could’ve helped. Oh, and he and Peter were amazing work partners.” Pandora smiled softly.

“Wait… Peter Pettigrew?” Evan questioned.

“Yeah, why?”

“As in - Sirius Black’s best friend? As in - James Potter’s best friend? As in - very much connected to our good friend Regulus Black?” Evan asked, eyeing Regulus.

“Yes of course.” Pandora answered not understanding what was happening.

“Reggie.”

“No.”

“Please.”

“Fucking hell, fine.” Evan launched himself onto Regulus hugging him screaming his thank you’s.

Regulus decided he needed a lot of time to himself, realising just how much he had on his plate now. So, he did as he did best, “Bye.” and quickly got up and walked away, hearing Pandora and Evan getting up to walk after him, he switched to his Animagus form immediately after turning the corner. A small black cat. He ran straight to the astronomy tower, only changing back when he knew no one was there.

He just needed to think, everything was moving far too fast, this was meant to be a slow process that ended with all his friends in happy world ending romances. So, how is it now him playing middle man between Evan-Sirius-Peter-Amos which inevitably falls to Barty but also playing middle man between Dorcas-James-Marlene whilst also trying to keep up a rouse to his friends that he’s actively trying to be with James Potter (which he most certainly is not because James is straight - just because a man wears nail polish does not mean he’d snog a bloke). It was a fucking mess, he was already tired. So of course the universe throws another obstacle at him.

“Baby Black.” Regulus turns around to see Lupin, Sirius’ current obsession (though to be fair - from what Regulus has seen it's been his obsession for the past few years).

“Lupin?” Regulus questions, completely confused on why he was being cornered by his brother's lanky boyfriend. “Is Sirius okay?”

“Yeah? Why wouldn’t he be?” Remus asked, concern crossing his features.

“Well, why else would you clearly stalk me and follow me here?”

“I need your help with something.” Remus stated as if that was something normal for them to seek from each other.

“Come again?”

“I said, I need your help.”

“Why in Merlin’s beard would you need my help?”

“It's about Sirius…” Remus confessed as if that changes anything.

“So, he’s not okay?” Regulus didn’t like how scared he felt.

“No, he’s fine… It’s more me who isn’t.” Remus stated as if Regulus was supposed to care for his well being.

“And this concerns me how?”

“Because it’s about your brother.”

“And you’ve yet to mention his part in this.”

“Look, I’ll get right to it.”

“Finally.”

“I need you to get Sirius to realise he can be with me romantically.” Remus just threw that out there as if that didn’t stop multiple things in Regulus’ mind.

“Is he not your boyfriend?” Regulus questioned.

“No? Well, he might as well be. We flirt constantly, we’re both open to each other about our… preferences.” Remus ranted as if this was in any way an appropriate conversation to be having.

“So, you have yet to get to the issue.”

“I don’t think he realises he’s allowed to want me as more than a friend. He clearly likes me Regulus, I’m not an idiot. He just doesn’t realise he’s allowed to.”

“Isn’t this a conversation for you to be having?”

“I don’t want to push him.” Remus looked like a fearful child, a very weird juxtaposition to what Regulus was used to seeing from him.

“Again, what does this have to do with me?”

“I need you to talk to him or hint at it? Or show him, I don’t fucking know kiss Dorcas or something.” Regulus’ mind screamed at the suggestion.

“Why in Godricks name, would I do this for you?” Regulus questioned.

“Because he’s your brother and I care about him and he cares about me and he’d be happier with me than he is without me.” Remus smiled, as if that alone would be enough to get Regulus on board (it would but he was gonna milk this as much as he can).

“Wow, sounds lovely.” Regulus rolled his eyes, “What’s in it for me?”

“Your brother's happiness?” Regulus rolled his eyes again and began to get up to leave, “Fine, I’ll pay for your next Hogsmeade trip.” He promised.

“I don’t need your money, Lupin. I have more than enough. So this is unappealing to me, goodbye.”

“I won’t tell Sirius you’re about to use him to get to Peter to get to Diggory to set him up with Rosier. Also won’t tell anyone you’re an illegal animagus.” Blackmail… maybe Lupin isn’t that bad after all.

“Weak blackmail, 5.5/10. Do better, Lupin.” Remus looked like he’d accepted the challenge.

“That girl you’re learning to skate for, awfully vague.”

Regulus laughed, “And you have no backing for the claim I know you’re throwing at me.”

“Maybe… or does this all conveniently get you close to someone I watched you watch all summer break… well, when you allowed yourself to be seen that is.” Regulus went pink. Maybe Sirius’ boyfriend/not boyfriend isn’t that horrible.

“Fine, I’ll talk to my brother.”

“Don’t be obvious with it.”

“Oh, gods no.” Regulus teased.

“Just, be subtle and don’t push him. Seriously, Reg, don’t push him.”

“What is it with you ‘Marauders’ thinking you have the right to call me that name?” Regulus rolled his eyes, “Now piss off, I came here to be alone, not to be pestered.”

“Thanks, Reg. Seriously, I owe you like- ten.” Regulus didn’t respond so Remus made his way out. Godrick Sirius must have him wound tightly around his finger, the great composed casanova of Gryffindor tower’s falling ass over tits and being rather pathetic just to have Sirius realise, he’s a possibility.

Regulus rested his head against the wall breathing in the air for a second. How’d he come here to run away from the millions of problems he had to unravel just to be given another and his day wasn’t even over, he still had to deal with James.

Godrick, he really, truely is, royally fucked.

Notes:

SORRY IF THIS CHAPTER KINDA SUCKS ASS IT'S JUST SETTING UP THE PLOT - ALSO NEXT CHAPTER (will probably be out in a few ours) IS GONNA BE ONLY JEGULUS - INCASE U WERE SICK OF SEEING OTHER NAMES 😭

 

I'll have ya'll know - i attempted to teach myself how to skate for a full 2 weeks of 2021 so im kind of an expert

in other words: i'm sorry that all the "skater talk" is probably butchered asf

what compelled me to write something i'm not capable of - no clue.

 

also Elias Knightly is actually a canon character - he's blaise zabini's father

 

k im shutting up now - i would wish u all a good day but one of u could very well be a child murderer so a good day for u may be eating humans so i will not wish a good day<3

Chapter 3: Chapter 3

Summary:

reggie learns how to skate board (kinda)

Notes:

I have schol soon! So i want to finish this bfr then so DAILY CHAPTERS! 1-2 chapters a day!

Oh my fucking god thank u for the reads

also i love reading ur comments so much <3

 

this chapter effy and montys jobs r bought up but briefly so this is what i hc those as:

-Montys the most well-known healer of the modern day and the healer for the Holyhead Harpies, Puddlemere United, Fowlmouth
-Falcons, Montrose Magpies and the Appleby Arrows
Effys a world renowned painter

James~

 

James has never taught anyone how to skate and he can barely give himself credit for his own talent that all goes to his father. So, he was already really nervous to do it but now you add on the fact that it’s Regulus Black he’s teaching. Did you see that? It was his nerves shooting so high it hit an angel out of the sky.

Regulus has been living with them since July, so it’s been about eight months. So, you’d think that’d be eight months of time for Regulus and James to become close friends at the very least. But no, Regulus spent his first few weeks at the manor avoiding everyone, only talking to Sirius, never leaving his room (which had been pre-set up for him months before his arrival - courtesy of Sirius who refused to believe his brother wouldn’t come to his senses and leave), only ever coming out if Sirius specifically guided him out - all of it was understandable, James understood completely. Then he started talking to Effy, helping her run errands, giving her ideas for her next big paintings, even helping her paint (he was quite astonishing - even Effy was shocked and she’s literally famous for her art). Which again, James could understand connecting with his mother, she was kind and caring, she made everyone feel safe.

James drew the line when Regulus started connecting with Monty and still not him. He’d sit with Monty for hours helping him with healing potions, Monty even took him to meet the Fowlmouth Falcons (one of the quidditch teams he works for - also Regulus’ favourite team). James obviously knows his father is a person who can make someone feel welcome but he also knows his father is very high energy and Regulus is not, so, excuse him for thinking Regulus would connect with him before connecting with Monty.

At that point Regulus was regularly talking to everyone but James. Yes, he’d answer when James spoke but it was always small answers, they meant nothing, James hated that they meant nothing. James tried everything to get close to him, everything. But, Regulus simply wanted nothing to do with him, it sucked. So, now he’s here asking James to teach him to skate and it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Granted, he’s nervous as fuck, especially because Regulus had to go ahead and give him 10 minutes to get cleaned up from helping Peter with his Care For Magical Creatures assignment with a Demiguise and then run from the showers to the library. James barely made it there, but it was worth it, this is his chance to finally get close to Regulus.

James is certain they’re meant to be friends, practically made to be close, they have to be. Look at the facts: Regulus is Sirius’ little brother - Sirius is James’ best friend, Regulus loves quidditch - James loves quidditch, Regulus loves the Potter Manor - James loves the Potter Manor, Regulus adores James’ parents - James adores his parents. Meant to be friends. Plus James’ parents seem to like him a lot, Sirius cares about him a crazy big amount, James needs to find out what the big deal is ‘cause so far, judging by the very limited conversations they’ve had, James does not get why he’s so adored… he’s kind of just a small, angry dude. He’s sort of funny though, in a mean way.

By some massive stroke of luck, James was 2 minutes early. James decided he’d spend his two minutes productively, so he crafted a ‘lesson plan’:

How to step on a skateboard
How to keep balanced
How to move forward
How to stop
How to turn
How to pivot

James decided that maybe he’s underestimating Regulus’ abilities so made the list a bit more advanced:

How to move with balance
How to drop in
How to manual
How to tic-tac
How to ollie
How to 180 ollie

His new list felt a lot more like Regulus’ pace. It was 3:09 and Regulus wasn’t there. Maybe he was someone who is always a few minutes late? Maybe he forgot? If he forgot then he can’t see how great of a close friend James could be. James’ mind was going through all the possible reasons Regulus may not be there, every reason from he got kidnapped to he got stopped by a teacher.

“You’re here.” Regulus’ voice cut through his thoughts. James checked his watch, 3:10 on the dot, Regulus wasn’t kidding. It’s sort of adorable that he wasn’t kidding.

“Yup, you ready?” James didn’t understand why he was so nervous, it’s not like he was bad at skating, he could do it blindfolded, it’d be easy to teach Regulus… but that’s the problem isn’t it? Regulus, he’s teaching Regulus.

“Let’s get this over with.” Regulus sighed, rolling his eyes. Oh, don’t do that. No, don’t do that, Reg.

The walk to the classroom they were using was practically silent, James tried to start a conversation but just got grunts in reply. James cleared out a classroom (without permission) to use and put a silencing and locking spell on the room. Regulus then insisted that James made sure no one could see him. Blacking out the windows with spells was a bit extreme but James wanted Regulus comfortable.

“Okay so we’re starting off with how to move with balance.” James smiled at Regulus but he just seemed confused.

“Potter, how do you expect me to move with balance when I don’t even know how to get on the thing?” Regulus questioned rather aggressively.

“Well, I just thought you’d get the hang of it pretty easily so I made it a bit more advanced?”

“What in Godricks name gave you that idea?” Regulus looked at him like he was stupid.

“Well, you’re like, really smart… at least Sirius says you are.” James felt stupid with Regulus’ eyes on him.

“This is not a test on my brain, it's a test on my coordination.”

“You’re a seeker.”

“It’s quite different, I assure you.”

“Fine, we’ll start by stepping on the board. Can you handle that, Reggie? Or is that too much too?” James tested, stepping a bit closer.

“It’s fine.” Regulus looked away but James still saw his eye roll. James set his skateboard down in front of Regulus, looking up to see his scowl, “Aren’t you going to put something there to block the wheels from moving?”

“No, that will just set you back, Reg.” James wasn’t completely sure if that was factual, he just knew his Dad didn’t block the wheels for him. “Come on, it’s not that hard, Reggie. Just step on. Like this.” James stepped on and off the board a few times to reassure Regulus.

“Fine. If I break a single bone, I will snap all 206 of yours individually.” Regulus threatened, James didn’t doubt for a second that he would. Regulus slowly put one foot on the board and immediately took it off when the board wobbled. “No.” Regulus turned and walked straight for the door, now he can’t just let that happen.

James grabbed at his arm and pulled him back, “Hey, hey, it’s fine. This time, step on faster. One foot after the other, you have a better chance of stability, I swear.” James promised, still holding onto his arm. Regulus responded with a grunt and walked back to the board. This time he stepped on faster, both feet right after eachother. He wobbled immediately reaching out for James. James stepped forward letting Regulus hold onto his shoulders, his grip strapping.

“James! James, it’s moving! James why the FUCK is it moving!” Regulus screamed. James couldn’t help but laugh. “Stop laughing! This isn’t funny! Help me down immediately!” Regulus practically screeched.

“Firstly; a please would be appreciated. Secondly; no, you’re doing well, Reggie. Just keep holding onto me. I won’t let you fall.” James promised as Regulus’ grip on his shoulders tightened. Regulus didn’t reply, just nodded vigorously. “Okay, now we’re gonna teach you how to be balanced without touching me. Is that okay, Reggie?” James looked at him even though he wasn’t looking back, too busy staring at his feet on the board. “We can stop now if it’s not okay.” Please don’t say yes. Please don’t say yes.

“No. continue.”

“Okay, now to be more balanced you’re gonna want your feet to be further apart. Meaning, Reg, your feet shouldn’t be touching. One foot on each end of the board.” James put his hand on Regulus’ thigh, trying to guide him to put his foot further up the board. Regulus stiffened under his grip. “Sorry, I won’t touch you.” James moved his hand. Regulus started to slowly shuffle his feet apart, the board shook under his feet. One of Regulus’ hands on James’ shoulder moved to the nape of his neck, pulling him into Regulus. Regulus wrapped his arms around James’ shoulders.

“You imbecile! I almost fell!” Regulus screamed into the crook of James’ neck.

“You didn’t though, did you? And look, your feet are in the perfect position!” James defended. Regulus slowly put some more space between the two of them, still holding tightly to James. James found he missed the contact.

“It’s still wobbly. I don’t like this.” Regulus’ hand that was on the back of James’ neck moved slowly down to grip his shirt. The action was adorable but Regulus would curse James for simply putting his name and adorable in the same sentence.

“It’s okay, you’re okay. I won’t let you fall, I promise.” Regulus’ face softened at James’ reassurance. “Hey, I won’t let you get hurt.” James promised.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Fine, what do I do next?” Regulus slid his other hand down James’ chest, now both of his hands were gripping James’ shirt. James’ stomach felt fluttery.

“Okay, now bend your legs, just a little bit, Reggie.” Regulus followed James’ instructions. “Wobbles a little bit less?” Regulus nodded, still gripping James tightly. “Okay good. Now let go of me.”

“What? Are you insane?! No, absolutely not.” Regulus’ grip tightened.

“Can you please just try it.” James pleaded, Regulus responded by slowly letting his grips go. He stood still on the board, perfectly fine. “Yes! See! I told you you could do it!”

“I did it… I didn’t fall?” Regulus looked at James, confused but smiling nonetheless. James wished he smiled more often, it suited him beautifully,

“Okay, now hop on down and do it all again.” Regulus’ face fell at James’ request but still did as he was told. They’d went at that until Regulus could do it without assistance.

“Okay, now that you’ve got that down, time to move.”

“No. I don’t want to move.” Regulus shook his head immediately getting off the board.

“Reggie, come on. I don’t think this girl will be all that convinced when all you show her is that you can stand on a board.” James raised his eyebrows at Reg, the way he always did him.

“She fancies me enough to believe it.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

James for some reason didn’t like hearing about how much this girl liked him, even though he was nothing but happy for Regulus… still… “Let’s not talk about her when we’re here. Might distract you.” James lied.

“Fine.” Regulus rolled his eyes, again. “Still not moving.”

“Trust me it’s easy, look I’ll show you.” James grabbed the board off Regulus, placing it on the floor in front of them. He demonstrated the movement with ease. “See, not that hard.” James smiled just to immediately be shot down by Regulus’ glare.

“I’m sorry, what the fuck? You taught me how to get on one way, just for me to have to move my feet THE OTHER WAY when riding?!” Regulus’ eyebrows hitched up his forehead. He was adorable when angry… so, most of the time.

“No. You still face that way, you only move your feeting when you’re pushing off the ground. With enough momentum, you won’t have to do it much.” James corrected.

“That's stupid.”

“You’re just scared.”

“You’re scared.”

“Amazing comeback, 10/10. Really, some of your best work, Reg.” James smiled at him, earning him a small almost unnoticeable smile back, but James caught it. “Come on, I’ll catch you if you fall.”

“So, you’re admitting this is a falling hazard?” Regulus raised his eyebrows.

“Of course it is. I never didn’t admit that. It's a plank of wood on four wheels. Did I mention, no handles?” James smirked when Regulus hit his chest softly, smiling up at him, properly this time.

“You better catch me.” Regulus warned.

“I will. I promise.”

“Show me what to do again.” Regulus demanded softly. James lined the board up, stepping onto it and pushing off the ground, then switching his feeting.

“Not that hard. You’ll get it easily.” James reassured, while lining the board up for Regulus. The second Regulus stepped on it, the board slipped out from under him, sending him falling backwards. James grabbed onto him, cradling his waist, pulling him up to his height. Regulus' face was merely an inch from James’. James could feel his breath grazing his features. His hands rested on James' biceps. His eyes blown wide. His lips slightly parted. His lips. His lips, a pale peach tone. James wondered if they were soft, they looked soft. He wanted to test if they were soft, run his finger over it. Obviously he didn’t, Regulus would murder him or bite him, James wouldn’t mind the biting as much-

“I think that’s it for today.” Regulus cut James’ thoughts off, not making any move to dislodge himself from James.

“Yeah… you did good. We’ll work… on the moving… next time.” James’ words kept getting caught in his throat, too focused on Regulus’ lips. They were wet now, he must’ve licked them. James didn’t see that part but kind of wished he did. Is that a weird thought? James decides it isn’t, he used to think it all the time in 4th year about Remus.

“Thanks. You know, for your help… with the girl.” Regulus stuttered, staring at James.

The girl. Regulus’ girl. No, James didn’t like the sound of that, we’ll stick to ‘the girl’, it’s better, fits her more. “Thought we said we wouldn’t talk about her? Distracting, remember?” James reminded him.

“We aren’t skating right now.”

“Still.”

“Okay. I’ve… got to go. I’ll see you soon. Bye.” Regulus removed his arms from around James’ neck, slightly pushing off James’ chest to dislodge himself from him. James had to fight the silly urge to pull him back in.

“Okay, I’ll see you-” Regulus slammed the door before James could finish.

 

James spent his night dreaming of a raven haired, ivory boy, with silver running through his stormy eyes, holding onto him.

Notes:

i finally created a set out plan for what is to happen in this fic- ive realised this fic is going to be about 20 chapters-

I giggled when i had to use the word silly.

Chapter 4: Chapter 4

Summary:

peter has a pretty smile

Notes:

YO GET UR GOOGLE TRANSLATE OUT theres a shit tonne of french - argueably too much

 

this chapters uneditted - its 4:30am shhhhhh

 

TW:
mentions of child abuse
mentions of abandonment issues
the brothers talk thru their problems so like-

Regulus~

 

Regulus practically sprinted his way back to his dorm. This whole thing with James might just be a harmless crush but that doesn’t mean he’s immune to his touches and Godrick, did James touch. Regulus can still feel a sting from where his hand held his thigh, where he gripped his waist. It wasn’t even a long lasting touch but it’s etched itself into the fine print of Regulus’ skin. The second Regulus got inside he jumped in the shower, determined to wash James Potter off of him. Regulus knew going into this it was a stupid idea, but he didn’t think James would be so adamant on touching him. Regulus can’t put all the blame on him of course, he practically attached himself to James.

Regulus felt like an idiot. He knew he was being ridiculously dramatic, sitting on his shower floor while the water scorched his back, all because James Potter showed him the slightest bit of attention. Godrick, he was a mess.

Eventually, after an hour and 30 minutes of not moving and wasting far too much water, his skin was far past pruned, Regulus finally pulled himself out of there. Regulus felt like shit, so he decided the best remedy for him feeling shitty and ridiculous, was to find his brother, who is even more shitty and ridiculous. So the second he finally dragged himself out of the room he headed to Sirius. He’d found him rather quickly, doing his usual favourite hobby - bothering Lupin.

“Say something pathetic about yourself, I’m feeling down.” Regulus stepped up next to Sirius without warning.

“Well hello to you too, cher frère.” Sirius smiled sarcastically.

“That wasn’t pathetic or about yourself, do better.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Isn’t he just a ray of sunshine.” Remus quipped, seeing him reminded Regulus of their deal.

“Lupin.” Regulus tried to go for a nice acknowledgement of his existence, he’s quite sure it set nicely.

“Regulus.” Remus replied.

“Anyway, Sirius, your hair is looking rather flat today.” Regulus lied, Sirius’ hair was annoyingly nice today but he didn’t need to know that.

“Thank you, it’s a new shampoo. Maintenant, qu'est-ce qui ne va pas?” Sirius kept looking forward, not wanting Regulus to feel like he’s trapped in a conversation forced to confront his feelings, leaving him leeway to end it. Regulus hated just how well his brother knew how to handle his emotions.

“Juste mon dégoût de soi habituel. Rien d'extraordinaire.” Regulus smiled at him.

“Promettez-moi, que ce n'est rien de grave?” Sirius looked at him this time. This time he needed Regulus to know he had to give an answer, no way out of this one. Again, Regulus hated how well his brother knew how to handle him.

“Je promets. Ne t'en fais pas.” Regulus looked back at him, no lining sarcasm or joke around his promise.

Sirius smiled at him and looked back forward, “So, why are you here?”

“Sirius, there are nicer ways to say that. You’re not unwelcome, Reg.” Remus chimed in. Godrick, is he trying to be Regulus’ friend? Or, is he just trying to be nice since Regulus is helping him out?

“Moony, my Moonage Daydream, you’re forgetting Regulus is a gremlin. If you’re too nice to him he’ll start chewing on your furniture come midnight.” Sirius smiled sweetly. Regulus couldn’t help but laugh at Sirius’ stupid joke, neither could Lupin.

Sirius smiled up at Remus, it was a sweet smile… a genuine one, no jokes, no sarcasm. Merlin, he looked happy. Sirius always looks happy, he differs from Regulus there. Even as children, Sirius was more easy going, Regulus was always an anxious child. But he’s never looked happy like this, at least not of what Regulus had seen. Regulus may pretend to not care for Sirius’ existence but Regulus will quite literally murder Lupin if he ever ruins that smile.

“Sirius, come with me to the Hogsmeade trip tomorrow.” Regulus didn’t really leave space for a no.

“... why?” Sirius questioned.

“I need a reason?” Regulus challenged, knowing neither him nor Sirius would like to admit how little time they save for each other.

“I was gonna go with Moony, sorry Reg.” Regulus eyed Remus, trying to get him to pick up on the fact Regulus was doing this for him.

“Oh- uh… Pads, I’m not going to Hogsmeade tomorrow.”

“What? Why not? You said you would.” Sirius looked upset, if Regulus wasn’t in on it he would’ve thrown a curse at Lupin's head.

“Homework, a lot of it… I was gonna tell you tonight but now you can just go with Reg.” Remus smiled at him sweetly, a terribly good liar.

“Il aurait pu me le dire plus tôt. Tu es d'accord, il aurait pu me le dire ?” Sirius looked to Regulus.

“Oui, Mais, Sirius, es-tu en colère parce que tu dois venir avec moi ou parce qu'il ne vient plus.” Regulus knew how weak he sounded asking, but he needed to know.

“Évidemment ce dernier. Reg, je veux venir avec toi. Si quoi que ce soit, j'aimerais que vous demandiez à traîner plus. Mais j'aimerais aussi qu'il n'annule pas nos projets sans me le dire. Ne confondez pas les deux.” Sirius reassured but didn’t leave out an eyeroll

“D'accord, je vérifie juste.” Regulus mumbled

“Eh bien, vous ne devriez pas avoir à le faire.” Sirius was still very sensitive about their relationship, he can’t blame him for that, it’s still rocky.

“D’accord, la prochaine fois je ne le ferai pas.” Regulus tried to be sincere but he knew he’d still ask next time. “Voulez-vous venir avec moi, cependant?” Regulus asked again, just to be sure.

“Oui bien sûr. Je ne suis même plus en colère, Reggie.” Sirius smiled.

“D'accord. 9h33 à l'heure. ne sois pas en retard. Je continuerai sans toi. Je ne rigole pas.” Regulus hated when people were late, it made him anxious they wouldn't come at all and he hated being let down, felt too much like rejection. So, he set oddly specific times, if they weren’t there, then there was no reason to be near them at all. Except for Sirius he’d wait hours over time and didn’t he know it… Regulus sat by the window Sirius snuck out of the night he ran away, for days, for weeks, for months… if he was still there, he’d still be by that window. Merlin, he probably would’ve visited his parents after moving out just to sit by it… just in case he decided to come back, not that he ever would, Regulus isn’t stupid, just delusional.

“Pourquoi si spécifique ?” Sirius questioned.

“Stop speaking in French. I’m here too, stop cutting me off, assholes.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“Be there. Or just don’t come at all.” Regulus demanded as if it didn’t hurt to think he wouldn’t come at all.

“Je te promets, petit frère, que je serai là. Arrête de t'inquiéter.” Sirius was trying so hard to go back to how they used to be, before Hogwarts… when they were still actually brothers… before Regulus had to watch him jump out a window and leave him behind, before he had to watch a part of himself die.

“Good.” Regulus walked off without a goodbye. He couldn’t help it. He doesn’t mean to be this way, Sirius is being good to him but he can’t stop how his mind works. Stuff will happen and his mind will inevitably connect it to something else that happened that hurt and then he’s hurt again. It’s like, he’s forgiven Sirius but his mind would rather hurt a thousand times over than forgive him. It’s unfair and it’s not like Regulus likes it but that’s how he works.

Regulus re-read his favourite book that night, his saddest book. It always makes him cry and seeing as he was for some god awful reason, unable to cry over his issues but in need to let it out, he lived through it. Maybe it’s just easier for his mind to convince itself it’s crying over their problems, not his.

—--------------------------------------

Sirius~

Sirius woke up at 9:25am, this wouldn’t be a problem if he hadn’t promised Reg he’d meet him at 9:33am (why such a stupidly specific time, he couldn’t tell you - his brother was an anomaly). He would just fuck it and show up late but Reg seemed so sensitive yesterday, fucking hell he straight up said he was, yes, granted he said it in his normal dickish way but he still said it. So, Sirius has to be on time. So now he’s running through the halls with his tie literally in a knot around his wrist, while he puts his hair into a messy bun, half up-half down.

He got there at 9:30, which honestly was impressive, but Reg wasn’t there. Are you fucking kidding me? Is all he could think. He looked like a rat's ass because of this and Reg wasn’t even here? Sirius decided he’d wait till exactly 9:33 and if Regulus wasn’t there by then, he’d spell a painting of a giant cock to the back of all of Reggie’s clothes. Fair payback. Sirius’ mind was running, don’t play specifics with me and not even stick by them, petit merde.

Sirius decided he’d insult Reggie in his mind until 9:33. He’d never even know he was doing it but it’s still enjoyable. At 9:32 Sirius felt himself both smiling but also fighting the urge to break into Reggies dorm and tell him to hurry up. It felt kind of shitty, he was excited Reggie finally wanted to be around him. Like, yes, the first few weeks at the potters he was around him a lot but that was only because he was scared and Sirius was familiar. Now, there’s no fear, no ulterior motive, he actually wants to be around him again. If he bails Sirius will murder Barty.

At 9:33 on the dot (literally the second of) Regulus stepped out the door of his common room. “You’re here.” He sounded surprised, Sirius wanted to push him out a window for doubting him. “Why’s your tie around your wrist?” of course even with those 3 spared minutes he didn’t fix himself up, this is somehow Snapes fault.

“Woke up late. Also, you’re weird.” Regulus probably didn’t understand what he was referencing but you know what? He needed to hear it anyway.

“Let’s go, I want butterbeer.” Regulus stepped off without waiting for him.

“Wow, no hello, no hug, no ‘how did you sleep my amazing brother?’ Honestly, if I didn’t know you loved me so much I’d think you didn’t care about me.” Sirius joked.

“Good, wouldn’t want you to get the wrong impression.” Regulus smiled up at him, petit merde. Sirius threw his arm around Regulus’ shoulder and dragged him into a hug. “I will bite you.”

“Probably.” Sirius kept hugging him until Regulus did in fact attempt to bite his arm. “Cunt.”

“Bitch.” Sirius laughed at the underlying joke Reggie didn’t intend. “So what are we doing today?”

“I don’t know.”

“You didn’t plan it? You always like to plan your day out.” Sirius questioned.

“Liked.” Regulus corrected. If it was anyone else Sirius wouldn’t be hurt by it but he knew Regulus meant it to point out how little Sirius is around anymore. Didn’t help that he added, “People tend to change how they operate when they age past 12.” Regulus’ words shot to kill.

“Hey, can you ju-”

“No. We’re not addressing it because neither of us want to. Let's just attem- Let's just enjoy the day, Siri.”

“D'accord, NOUS n'en parlerons pas. Moi, par contre, je le ferai. Je suis désolé de ne pas être là, ouais putain de j'ai dit désolé, ne le mentionne pas. J'aurais dû être plus présent quand Hogwarts a commencé…”

“Ne pouvons-nous pas attendre que les trois balais aient cette conversation?” Regulus butt in.

“Non. Nous allons l'avoir maintenant.” Regulus rolled his eyes but let Sirius continue. “J'aurais dû être là, et je n'y étais pas. Je pensais que parce que tu étais à Slytherin, tu étais mauvais... comme maman et papa. Je n'aurais pas dû penser ça mais j'avais douze ans, Reggie... J'aurais aimé être plus intelligent mais je ne l'étais pas.” Sirius felt like shit admitting to it but he had to eventually, so he did. “J'ai manqué beaucoup. Comme, j'ai raté une très grande partie de ta vie, Reg. Je suis ton grand frère et je ne sais même pas si ta couleur préférée est toujours le bleu clair. J'ai raté beaucoup de choses et tu as parfaitement le droit de me détester pour ça, mais s'il te plait, ne m'empêche pas de tout apprendre maintenant. Je veux tout apprendre maintenant.” Sirius looked at Regulus, he was biting into his lip. He used to do it when he was little, said it stopped him from crying.

“C'est toujours bleu clair mais j'aime beaucoup le vert sauge aussi.” Regulus was nearly whispering. Sirius couldn’t help but smile, normally he’d hate talking about this stuff, confronting it like this, he hates it. But, Regulus needed to hear it, he’s been edgy around Sirius still and it hurts. Sirius needed to say it just as much as Reggie needed to hear it.

“Dis m'en plus aujourd'hui, d'accord ?” Sirius asked. Reggie nodded and continued talking the whole way to Hogsmeade.

 

_________—----------------

 

They’ve been at the three broomsticks for two hours, just talking. It’s been great. Reggie’s still being a cunt here and there but it's an improvement! Sirius was just concluding his 15 minute rant on why beaters and more important than seekers (completely biassed and completely aimed) when Regulus cut in.

“Does Peter play quidditch?” Regulus asked.

“Pete? Nah, loves it though. Says flying makes his hair stick up, says he can’t let that happen cause it’s his ‘best feature’. I personally think his best feature is his eyes, or his smile, amazing smile that lad.” Sirius said matter of factly.

“If he loves it, why doesn’t he become a commenter?” Regulus asked.

“He likes to sit and talk with Moony during the games, doesn’t like keeping Rem alone.”

“You know how you call Remus - Moony, and James - Prongs?” Sirius nodded. “What’s Peter’s nickname?”

“Wormtail, though normally just Wormy. Like how mine is Padfoot but normally just Pads.”

“What’s Peter’s favourite subject?”

“Oh he absolutely loves Care For Magical Creatures, fucking hates Occamy’s though.” Sirius laughed remembering the time Peter came back from class covered in mud after being dragged by one.

“What’s Peter’s favourite thing to talk about?”

“I don’t know, he enjoys anything that keeps the mood good.”

“But what’s his favourite conversation?”

“Oh, well he loves conspiracy theories. Literally any theory you got, throw it at him, he’ll eat it up. I once told him that trees are the horniest thing on earth and he spoke for 2 hours about the possibilities. Him and Rem argued on that one for a while, actually.” Sirius couldn’t help but smile thinking about it, he loved his friends so fucking much.

“What’s he like in a person?” Regulus asked… Another question about Peter?

“Like… romantically?” Sirius questioned

“Uh… sure?” Regulus smiled awkwardly.

“Well, he likes people taller than him, girls or guys, or anyone in between, he doesn’t care much. He likes brown eyes, but dark brown, says they’re ‘mysterious’. He doesn’t really care much for brains, if they’re smart, they’re smart, if they’re not - so what. I don’t know, he really just cares if the person is fun to be around.”

“So, how would someone start a conversation with him?” This time Sirius had to ask what was up.

“Reggie, what’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“Reg, you just asked me what my best friend likes in a person romantically, THEN asked me how to start a convo with him. What’s going on?” Sirius pressed.

“I don’t understand…” Regulus fixed his tie, his tell.

“Reggie, you can tell me anything. You know that right?” Sirius reassured.

“I know but why's that relevant?” Regulus lied. Why is he lying?

“Reggie, you can tell me. I won’t judge you on this. Other things? Yes, I will 100% judge you. This though? Reggie, I would never.” Sirius promised.

“What do you want me to say?” He looked, scared?

“The truth.”

“I’m not doing this with you. We were meant to have fun today. This is our second serious conversation, I’m not doing this with you.” Regulus got out of his seat to walk off. Sirius grabbed his sleeve and pulled him back down.

“No. Stop it. Reggie, this is seri- This is important, if it wasn’t important I wouldn’t continue it today. Reggie, I’m your brother, I’m here for you. Tell me. S'il vous plaît, petit étoile.” Sirius bought in an old nickname, he needed Reggie to trust him like he did back then.

“...Siri, please, I don’t want to do this.” Regulus pleaded, fear lining his glassy eyes.

“Why not? Reggie, what are you scared of?”

“Please.”

“Reggie, you don’t have to tell me, we’ll stop right now. But, I’d rather if we didn’t. But, go ahead it’s up to you; arrêter ou continuer.” Sirius sat forward in his chair.

“Je l'ai presque épousée, tu sais ? Bella, j'allais le faire.” Regulus looked down at his hands, he looked disgusted. “J'allais, j'allais... Maman me parlait de notre mariage... Je me suis senti volé.” His eyes started tearing up.

“Reggie, you don’t have to. Forget what I said, it’s fine.” Sirius didn’t want to see him cry. He didn’t wanna have this stupid conversation, he wanted to make Reggie laugh again.

 

“J'ai beaucoup pensé à mon mariage, depuis que j'avais 13 ans quand j'ai réalisé que c'était inévitable et proche... si proche. Mais Bella n'était jamais là. Pas même en tant qu'invité.” Regulus was looking at the table, refusing to meet Sirius’ eyes. “Ça n'a jamais été censé être elle. Ça n'a jamais été censé être une fille…” Regulus’ voice broke. “Vous avez compris? Dois-je le dire à haute voix parce que je ne veux pas.”

“You’ve said enough.” Regulus flinched, Sirius realised his word choice was literally horrible. “No- Wait, Reggie, I meant it as like, yeah, I get it. And, yeah, it’s okay. Je suis toujours ton frère. Je t'aime encore. C'est pour toujours.” Sirius walked over to Reggie’s side of the booth and slipped his arms around him, pulling him into a hug. Regulus’ breath hitched, becoming uneven, “C'est d'accord. C'est d'accord. Tu vas bien. Shhhh, tu vas bien. Tu es en sécurité. Je t'ai eu. Je ne vais nulpart. Tu es en sécurité. Je t'aime.” Sirius held his little brother, casted a spell around them to keep him hidden.

 

When Sirius Black was 8, he watched his Mother punish his little brother for the first time. When Sirius Black was 8, he jumped in front of a spell for the first time. When Sirius Black was 8, he promised his little brother he’d protect him for life. Sirius is 17 and he’s still holding that promise in his arms.

 

—--------------------------------------------

 

Regulus~

 

He was just trying to find a way to get closer to Peter, so he could get to Amos for Evan. How the fuck did he end up sobbing in Sirius’ arms. It felt embarrassing. After he finally stopped crying and Sirius calmed him down (again, fuck him with his stupid, understanding Regulus right.) Sirius turned to look at him with a big dopey grin.

“So, Petey, huh?” Raising his eyebrows repeatedly. Regulus wanted to shave them off. Regulus was gonna deny it… but then he realised he could help Remus and Evan all at once and get two of his problems off his back. So he ‘confessed’.

“Kind of.” Regulus felt weird just saying it.

“Kind of? You either want him or you don’t. Please don’t want him, he’s my best friend. He snores, Reggie. Are you up for that?” Sirius raised his eyebrows.

“I don’t know if I want him. I like his… energy? But, I wanna get to know him first. Become his best friend, or at least close friend.” Regulus said in the sincerest voice he could muster.

“Why do you want to be his best friend? Why does being his best friend make you want him?” Sirius questioned.

“Because?” Regulus looked at him like he was stupid, purely to make him feel stupid.

“Oh, yeah, of course. But, maybe you should elaborate. I understand of course, but I wanna hear it from the rooster's mouth.” Sirius’ hands did most of the talking.

“You mean horse's mouth?”

“Any barn animal of your choice, Reg.” Sirius smiled his biggest, dumbest smile.

“Well, everyone knows to become someone's lover it’s better to be their best friend first. Obviously.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“But, I thought that was wrong? Like bro-code. Can’t date your best friends, it risks the friendship group.” Sirius explained.

“Oh, but you’re allowed to flirt with them?” Regulus raised his eyebrows at him.

Sirius looked him dead in the eye, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I wonder if Lupin would know.” Regulus smirked.

“What are you trying to say?” Sirius raised his eyebrows.

“That my dear brother and I are quite similar. Oh, and that you should stop being an idiot and ask Lupin out. Honestly it’s quite pathetic. Also, you should introduce your lovely younger brother to your mate.” Regulus smiled sweetly.

“What? I don’t like Moony. He’s Moony. Why would I like him? Not that he’s undesirable, Moony’s great, he’s the best and he’s beautiful. But, he’s Moony. And he’s not into me like that, I’m not even sure he likes boys.” Sirius looked uncertain.

“And if he does?” Regulus challenged, slightly wondering where his subtlety went.

“Then he does.” Sirius shrugged his shoulders.

“So… you wouldn’t mind if this friend of mine asked him out? He’s really into him.” Regulus said nonchalantly.

“Why would you do that?” he sounded hurt.

“Do what?”

“THAT! I thought we were being nice to each other now.” Sirius glared at him.

“What did I do that wasn’t nice?”

“SET YOUR MALE FRIEND UP WITH MOONY!” Sirius yelled.

“And what’s mean about that?” Regulus prodded, come on Sirius, it’s right there.

“IT JUST IS!”

“But why? My friend likes him, he could like him back.” Sirius went red.

“He doesn’t.”

“He could.”

“He wouldn’t.”

“But he could learn to like him.”

“He won’t.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

“You have no proof, he could like him.” Regulus baited.

“HE DOESN’T!” Sirius screamed. Thank Midas’ golden tits for silencing spells.

“And you know this, how?” Regulus was basically waving celery in front of a rabbit.

“BECAUSE HE LOVES ME!” Sirius’ face dropped the second he realised what he’d said. “...he loves me…he has to… Reggie, I love him…” Sirius looked like a sailor about to jump ship.

“That’s okay, Sirius. He loves you, trust me. No man acts that pathetic, that much, for a friend. He’s yours, Siri. So, what the hell are you doing here?” Regulus raised his eyebrows.

“I forgot.” At least he’s truthful.

“Go, you idiot.” Regulus smiled at him.

“You’re right. You’re right.”

“Go means you actually have to get up.”

“Yeah, yeah, get up, yes”

“Sirius.”

“OKAY! Let’s go!” Sirius stood up, pulling Regulus with him.

“I’m not coming with you?”

“Why not?” The idiot looked genuinely confused.

“You’re confessing your love? Your little brother shouldn’t be there. Bouge toi! va! va! Va!” Regulus ushered him out of The Three Broomsticks.

“Okay! Okay, I'll go. But, I’ll drop you off with Pete before I go.” Everythings working out far too well for Regulus’ liking.

Notes:

IM SORRY I MISSED TWO UPDATES

I DECIDED TO ACTUALLY SLEEP PROPERLY - horribly boring decision

ill probs give u two chapters tmrw<3

Chapter 5: Chapter 5

Summary:

crystals and long walks

Notes:

Okay todays chapter is relatively small (it was a family member of mines birthday)

theres a few bits of french in this (one line of hindi and one line of bengali) ALL TRANSLATION IN THE END NOTE!

 

also ya'll IF THERE IS TOO MUCH SWITCHING INTO FRENCH PLEASE TELL ME like genuinely please tell me i wouldnt want to be ruining the story

 

also thank u for all ur comments and kudos its so sweet and rlly makes my day HOLY FUCK 500 READS??????? WHAT THE FUCK GUYS??????????? ilysm

Regulus~

It took several minutes to get Sirius to actually go to Remus, but eventually he did. Not before dropping Regulus off with Peter and telling him to ‘do not shag my best friend, you cunt.’ then hugging him? Because apparently they do that now? That’s something to think on later, right now the issue is sitting across from him. In other words; Peter Pettigrew is sitting across from him talking about if or if not a muggle could achieve our level of power purely through harnessing the magic of crystals. Normally, Regulus would love this conversation, it’s right up his alley. But, he has other things at hand right now.

“So back to the fact crystals do hold power and we frequently use them, a brave enough muggle who’s willing to try some weird shit could potenti-........ Could potentially go on a murderous spree, a crystal is the perfect size to stick up someone's nose, or ass. Are you even listening to me?” Peter’s question snapped him out of his half listening daze.

“Yes, yes of course.” Regulus perked up.

“Regulus, if your brother’s forcing you to talk to me, you don’t have to. If you don’t want to be here, you’re wasting both our time, especially mine. I’m not gonna sit here while you dissociate to my thoughts.” Peter sat up, getting ready to go.

“Wait! No- okay, yes, I’m not really listening… but normally I would really enjoy this conversation. So, I would like to have it with you… another time” Regulus winced at his own horrible wording.

“Then why are you here now?” Peter didn’t sound mad, just confused.

“It’s kind of a long story…”

“Clearly, I have time. Seeing as Sirius snatched away my company and dropped you here instead of them.” Peter was a much more cut throat than Regulus expected. Granted, Regulus did just waste a tonne of his time so, it’s understandable.

“Well… okay, I’ll shorten it. Basically one of my friends likes… this person. And my friend, well, he was talking to this person and this person was being a cunt and talking about how they were about to ask out this other person and- and my friend… well it hurt, so they lied. They told this person they were seeing someone already… one of your friends… thus I’m here to ask you to help me get your friend to go out with my friend. Just on one date, that’s all they really need.” Regulus’ explanation confused himself, yet Peter seemed to understand it with ease.

“So, Evan told Barty he’s dating one of my mates?” Peter raised his eyebrows. Regulus really, really, underestimated him.

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you did, it’s okay, don’t confirm it because loyalty, I already know anyway.” Peter smiled.

“Yeah, it’s them.” Regulus admitted.

“Loyalty? Do you guys not do that?” Peter questioned, honestly taken aback.

“Fuck loyalty, right now Evan’s put me under a shit load of stress. He’s put me in charge of this, I’ll go about it however I please. So, yes, it’s them.” Regulus waved his hand around for Peter to continue.

“Okay then… Anyways, I’m certain he didn’t say Remus, James or Sirius… So who is it?” Peter asked. Fuck he was quicker than he seems.

“The idiot told him he’s dating Amos.” Regulus said, rolling his eyes at Evan’s stupidity.

“Seriously? Amos fucking hates Evan. Despised Pandora when they were still in CFMC’s because they were Evan’s sibling.

“I know. So, wanna help me out?” Regulus questioned.

“Of course. Sirius would skin me if I didn’t.” Peter laughed.

“Oh… About Sirius… He thinks I have a crush on you…” Regulus laughed awkwardly.

“Oh, Regulus I’m flattered and you are lovely, truly but-”

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Peter, he thinks I do. I don’t actually. Godrick.” Regulus shook his head laughing.

“Why does he think that?”

“Oh, because I told him.” Regulus smiled at him.

“You got yourself in a bit of a situation, Regulus.” Peter laughed.

“You don’t know the half of it.”

“Tell me then.” Peter smiled. If Regulus wasn’t so pathetic for James, Peter would probably be next to his affections.

“It’s long.”

“Well, I better go get us a round of Butterbeer, we’re going to be here for a while”

“Tell me more about your muggle-crystal theory.” Regulus smiled. Peter reminded him of Pandora, just more extroverted, not as soft spoken. Maybe his brother’s friend choices weren’t horrible.

“Well, if you insist…” Peter went onto rant for 40 minutes. They got into a pretty heated argument at one point. Regulus decided Peter wasn’t the worst company.

 

—---------------------

Regulus got back to Hogwarts later than usual, his conversation with Peter got a little out of hand when Dorcas and her friend Emmeline jumped in. Very out of hand. So Regulus got back to Hogwarts around 5, now he was just walking around the grounds. Today had been a lot, he won’t deny that he had a good day but it was still a lot. From his conversation with Sirius, to coming out, to literally just having to socialise a lot more than he would prefer. Obviously he enjoyed himself but it was still tiring.

“REGULUS! HEY, REG! WAIT UP!” James’ voice filled the area. He ran up to Regulus, falling in place next to him. “Hey.” He smiled at Regulus. It still stumped Regulus that someone like James could actually get pleasure from being near him.

“Hello.” Regulus didn’t want him to know he was happy to see him.

“What are you up to?” He was glowing. The setting sun was hitting James’ deep brown skin leaving it like gold.

“Just walking.” Regulus was going to be snarky but his brain stuttered. Stupid James and stupid sun, though the two seem to be interchangeable.

“So you’re not busy?” Regulus wanted to push him down a hill and just scream ‘Stop smiling! Stop smiling!’

“I didn’t say that.”

“So you aren’t. Cool, wanna practise?” James smiled, again.

“Why?”

“Because of your… that situation.” James explain with his hands.

“Yeah but why do you want to? That’s why I want to. But, why do you?” Regulus found this lie was just getting easier and easier to say. And that’s when it decided to hit him that he’d just come out to Sirius, sooner or later Sirius is going to connect two and two. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

“I want to help you. Plus it’s helpful to go over the basics, believe it or not.” James smiled.

“S'il te plaît, arrête de sourire. Tu fais honte au soleil. Pas étonnant que ça se couche.” Regulus sighed pathetically.

James’ eyes widened, he cocked his eyebrow at him, “What does that mean?”

“You’re annoying but I’ll practise with you, for my own personal gain. Even though spending time with you makes my brain rot.” Regulus lied through his teeth, smiling up at James.

“You’re lying, right?” James looked genuinely scared.

“Sure.”

“You’re being sarcastic.”

“Sure.”

“Okay, I’m not listening to you anymore. Let’s go.” James grabbed onto his arm and pulled him along.

“Harassment.”

“Stop.”

Regulus smirked.

James walked him to the room he’d set up for them, Regulus spent the whole walk saying small things to drive James crazy, it was hilarious making him so exasperated with him.

“The rooms already set up?” Regulus questioned.

“Yeah, I set it up when I got back from Hogsmeade. Just been waiting for you to get back.” James said matter of factly.

“How’d you know I was back?”

“Uh- Just guessed.” James lied.

“And how’d you know where I was?”

“Psychic abilities.”

Regulus couldn’t help but laugh at his horrible excuses. “Stalker.”

“I prefer the word; informed.” James smirked.

Regulus couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped him, James’ smile lit up (if that’s even fucking possible). “You’re an idiot.”

“Gladly.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” Regulus looked at him, still laughing.

“Yeah it does.” James’ smile softened, which brought Regulus back to himself.

“Okay, enough distracting me. Thought you were meant to be teaching me?” Regulus cocked his eyebrow at him.

“Oh, you wanna get right into it? Okay then, go ahead.” James put the board at Regulus’ feet, a challenge in his eyes.

“You’re so weird.”

“And your insults are lacking today, Reg. Kind of disappointing, I came here for humbling.” James joked.

“Too tired to humble you today. But, I’ll work overtime with the insults tomorrow.” Regulus promised.

“I look forward to it.” James smirked, leaning into his space. Regulus suddenly realised how close they were standing. If James weren’t James, Regulus would be certain this was flirting.

“So, what are we doing?”

“Picking up where we left off, obviously.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I’m not doing that, I almost died last time.”

“That’s a tad dramatic don’t you think?” James grinned.

“James, I’m not going to let you kill me.”

“Regulus, I won’t.” James mocked him.

“Fuck you.”

“Again, lacking with the insults today, Reggie. Should I be concerned?” James smiled, bumping his shoulder into Regulus’. “Come on, we’ll take a different angle at this.”

“Fine, what do you want me to do?”

“Get on the board.” Regulus did it with ease. “Hey! Look at that! See, the practice helped, you didn’t even wobble.” James smiled so widely, Regulus felt his own lips betraying him.

“What do I do now?” Regulus questioned, trying to avoid how fluttery James made him feel.

“Can I touch you?” James questioned, clear intention. Regulus’ mind filled the gaps with things his brother would murder him for.

“What?” Regulus’ voice hitched, stepping off the board..

James seemed to get the connotations, “No- not like that! I meant can I hold your waist. Wait! That sounds creepy as fuck. I just meant it in like a- fuck- I meant I’m gonna hold you stable while you try to peddle.” James’ cheeks reddened. “I wouldn’t mean the other thing.” He added, deflating Regulus’ heart. “Not that you’re not desirable! Wait- not that I’m trying to hit on you! There’s nothing wrong with you, of course! You’re cool and you’re really pretty, don’t get me wrong. But you’re not exactly my type, you know? Plus I’m kind of in love with someone already.” James smiled sheepishly, the red of his cheeks deepening at the mention of Lily Evans. How is this the second time in one day he’s been rejected by a Marauder?

“Potter, relax.” Regulus rolled his eyes ignoring the way his heart thumped.

“Did I upset you?” James looked concerned.

“No, why do you think that?” Regulus questioned.

“You called me ‘Potter’.”

“I always call you that.” Regulus scoffed.

“Not really, you kinda stopped.” James fiddled with his shirt sleeve, he was wearing a red flannel over his uniform.

“I’ll make sure to correct that.” James winced at Regulus’ tone.

“You don’t have to. You’re allowed to like me.” Regulus’ mind altered the meaning of all of James’ words. He cursed his mind for its hopefulness. Though, a better word would be hopelessness.

“I know that, Potter.” Regulus looked over at the clock above the black board, 6:24pm, late enough for a reasonable excuse.

“Then why won’t you, I know you liked hanging out with me yesterday.” James looked hurt.

“It’s almost 6:30, I should get going.”

“Curfews not for another few hours, I’ll drop the conversation. Stay.” James looked like a wounded animal.

“Comment puis-je dire non au soleil. Fine. And yes, you can touch me.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“What’d you say?” James looked a little less depleted.

“Hurry up and teach me something before I drown you in the black lake.”

“You’re an ass.” James laughed, ushering Regulus back onto the board. “Okay, I’m gonna keep my hands near your waist, so if you fall and get unstable, I can keep you stable.” James smiled at him again, did he not realise what he was doing to him. “Do you remember how to peddle from what I showed you?”

“Of course I do, I’m not an idiot.” Regulus got back onto the board, James’ hands grazed his sides, making him stiffen.

“Okay so, turn your front foot to be facing the nose of the board. Then take your back foot and push off the ground. Once you’ve pushed, put your back foot back down and swivel your front foot back to the position it was at the start. Try to do it as smoothly as possible.” James explained as if Regulus heard a single thing he’d said. How could he? His hands are quite literally holding his waist.

Regulus did exactly as James said, surprising himself when he got it right. James’ face broke out into a grin, “Reg! You did it! Told you it wasn’t too difficult.” He laughed softly, right next to Regulus’ ear.

“Yeah, with you holding me.” Regulus reddened at his wording. “I doubt she’d find it very manly to see me getting pushed around via another man's hands on my waist.” James' cheeks turned a deep shade of maroon.

“I think it’s quite manly.” James joked, his breath tracing Regulus’ neck.

“Oh yeah, super.” Regulus rolled his eyes. “But I think from her perspective,” James’ grip tightened on his waist. “It’s not as manly as I’m trying to appear.”

“I’ll make myself unseeable, blend in with the background.” James swore.

“You mean; invisible.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“I wasn’t agreeing with you.”

“You should be.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“We’d look awesome.”

“Thought we couldn’t see you.”

“It’d be cooler if they could see me.”

“Oh yeah, so cool.”

“Yeah, I’ll show you.” James laughed softly next to his ear.

“Don’t you dare. Potter, don’t you dare.” Regulus threatened.

“Hold on.” James whispered into Regulus’ ear.

“JAMES! I SWEAR TO FUCKING MERLIN, MORGANA AND MORDRED IF YOU FUCKING DAR-” James tightened his grip on Regulus’ waist and ran forward, the board moving with them, Regulus’ scream filled the room right next to James’ laugh. “TROU DE CUL STUPIDE ! QU'EST-CE QUE LE FUCK EST MAL AVEC VOUS ! JE VAIS VOUS SACRIFIER À ARTEMIS EN TANT QU'APOLOGIE POUR L'HOMME ! JE POURRAIS VOUS TUER ! JE VAIS TE TUER PUTAIN !” Regulus screamed. James pulled them to a stop, now standing in front of Regulus, his hands still on his waist.

“Told you we looked cool, if you were screaming less you would’ve seen.” James laughed, his smile so wide. He was smiling at Regulus, because of Regulus. Godrick, how can he be mad at that.

“Tu as de la chance d'être si belle, que ça serait un péché de te blesser.” Regulus sighed, stepping off the board.

“What are you saying? Tell meee.” James sang.

“I’m putting a French curse on you.” Regulus grumbled.

“Oh yeah? What’s the curse?” James’ smile widened.

“Tu es trop jolie, trop bonne pour me regarder et trouver de la joie à travers moi. Je ne suis pas digne de votre joie. Je ne devrais pas être capable de le créer, mais d'une manière ou d'une autre, je le fais. I won’t explain it word for word but it has something to do with frogs, so look out.” James’ eyes softened.

“मुझे कोसते रहो, यह सुंदर है।” James spoke in a language Regulus wasn’t familiar with, it left him stunned.

“What language is that? Since when are you bilingual? What’d you say?” Regulus questioned at lighting speed.

“So many questions, I don’t think I can answer them.” James shrugged.

“Answer them or I’ll quicken up your curse.”

“It’s Hindi and I’m not bilingual, I speak four languages. So, whatever word you add to that, I’m that.” James smiled normally as if that wasn’t impressive as fuck.

“Four? What? Which languages? Talk to me in them.” Regulus demanded.

“Well, the obvious; English and you heard me speak Hindi. But, I also speak fluent Latin, Dad said it was important incase I wanted to make my own spells, I can just translate on the top of my head. But, I also speak Bengali, purely because a big side of my Dad’s family - mainly extended - live in West Bengal. When we visit I need to be able to talk to them. So yeah, four languages.” James shrugged as if he wasn’t the most impressive thing Regulus has ever seen. “Though I only ever really use English, Hindi and Latin. Hindi, only ever with Dad and occasionally Mum because she’s learning. Latin when I’m…. don’t worry about that actually.” James laughed softly.

“That’s actually impressive.”

“Why are you so shocked that I’m competent?” James laughed.

“Why did you never tell me you were competent? Tell me something in Bengali.”

“আপনি আগ্রহী যখন আমি পছন্দ. যদিও আপনি কম হতবাক হন তবে এটি শীতল হবে।” James laughed at a joke Regulus will never know.

“What’d you call me?” Regulus interrogated.

“Why do you assume I called you something bad, I could be being nice.” James rolled his eyes.

“Fine, what did you say?” Regulus raised his eyebrow at him.

“I said, ‘You scream like a little kid on ten cups of butterbeer.’” James cackled at his own joke.

“You’re an idiot.” Regulus rolled his eyes, though laughing with James.

“Wanna keep skating or want me to walk you back to your dorm?” James questioned.

“I don’t think I ever want to skate again.” Regulus dead panned.

“Come on, keep trying.”

“Fine, but you’re never touching my waist again.” James’ cheeks reddened.

“I still think we looked cool.”

“Not cool enough for her.” Bringing this ‘her’ up was the only way Regulus could stop himself from thinking James’ smiles meant anything more than they actually did.

“We’ve talked about her a lot today, let’s not anymore.” James shuffled awkwardly.

Regulus’ thumping heart clearly needed another reminder about what this was, “Okay, fine, tell me about Lily then.”

“What? Why would we talk about Lily?” James looked genuinely confused.

“She’s your girl, isn’t she?” Regulus hated his own words.

“Well, I love her but she’s not my girl. One day.” James' smile lit up at the thought. Regulus wanted to burn Hogwarts to the ground.

“Okay, well, I genuinely do have to get back to my dorm now.” Regulus said, turning on his heels.

“I’ll walk you.” James stepped up next to Regulus

“I assure you, I can make the walk alone without being murdered.” James' smile wavered.

“I wasn’t thinking about that but now that you’ve bought it up, I have to come with you.” James insisted.

“James, I’d rather walk alone.”

“And I’d rather know you’re safe.”

“You’re being ridiculous, it’s right down the hall.”

“Then you can walk with me, right down the hall.”

“Fine.”

James fell in line next to Regulus, they didn’t talk through their walk, just a comfortable silence. James tapped his arm against Regulus’ sometimes, Regulus isn’t sure if it was on purpose or not. Incidental or not, it still made him feel all fluttery on the inside. So fluttery he had to stop himself from bringing up Lily just to torture himself. Or maybe that was self defence, either way it hurt.

When they got to the common room door James tapped his foot against Regulus’.

“Do you wanna try again tomorrow?” James smiled at him softly.

“Maybe not, I’m busy tomorrow.” Regulus lied.

“Day after tomorrow?”

“Busy.”

“After that?”

“Probably busy.”

“What day aren’t you busy?” James asked with a pleading tone.

“I’m always busy.”

“Reggie.”

“Why?”

“Because- your gi- that girl.” James rolled his eyes.

“She’s not as important as the things I have to do.” Seeing as ‘she’ kind of meant James, Regulus felt like throwing himself out the window just for saying anything like that.

“Well I think she is. We should practise again soon.” James insisted.

“Fine, I’ll tell you when I’m free.” Regulus was grossed out with how easily he bent. Regulus turned on his heels to walk into his common room, James grabbed his arm.

“Thought we’d established nice goodbyes by now.” James smiled at him softly.

“Fine, goodbye, James. I will see you later unfortunately.” Regulus walked through the door before he could hear James’ response. Though no amount of distance could block him from hearing James’ laugh.

Notes:

Translations (get ready for a shit load of sappy-ness):

S'il te plaît, arrête de sourire. Tu fais honte au soleil. Pas étonnant que ça se couche. : Please stop smiling. You put the sun to shame. No wonder it sets.

Comment puis-je dire non au soleil. : How can I say no to the sun.

TROU DE CUL STUPIDE ! QU'EST-CE QUE LE FUCK EST MAL AVEC VOUS ! JE VAIS VOUS SACRIFIER À ARTEMIS EN TANT QU'APOLOGIE POUR L'HOMME ! JE POURRAIS VOUS TUER ! JE VAIS TE TUER PUTAIN ! : STUPID ASSHOLE! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU! I WILL SACRIFICE YOU TO ARTEMIS AS AN APOLOGY FOR MAN! I COULD KILL YOU! I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU!

Tu as de la chance d'être si belle, que ça serait un péché de te blesser. : You're lucky you're so beautiful, it would be a sin to hurt you.

Tu es trop jolie, trop bonne pour me regarder et trouver de la joie à travers moi. Je ne suis pas digne de votre joie. Je ne devrais pas être capable de le créer, mais d'une manière ou d'une autre, je le fais. : You are too pretty, too good, to look at me and find joy through me. I am not worthy of your joy. I shouldn't be able to create it, but somehow I do.

मुझे कोसते रहो, यह सुंदर है। : Keep cursing me, it's beautiful.

আপনি আগ্রহী যখন আমি পছন্দ. যদিও আপনি কম হতবাক হন তবে এটি শীতল হবে। : I like when you are interested. It would be cooler if you were less shocked though.

 

HOPE THAT HELPSS!!!!!!!

 

if there is too much french i will stop PLS TELL ME IF ITS TOO MUCH ILL CUT DOWN ON IT!!!!!!

Chapter 6: Chapter 6

Summary:

honesty sucks

Notes:

HI sorry this is late asf yesterday i decided to draw marylily instead of write then when i went to write had a mind blank and couldnt write the first sentence (this somehow ended in my dming liam payne)

ALSO go follow my insta bc thatd be cool if u did (insta: messersbrainrot ) (tumblr bc why not: moonystoast1971 )

 

THERES ONLY LIKE THREE LINES OF FRENCH BUT STILL TRANSLATIONS ARE IN THE END NOTES!

Regulus~

“Now I’m just speculating, but, if Professor Slughorn really is, Professor SLUGhorn, we’re being duped,” Barty said matter of factly.

“You’re an idiot.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“No, no, he has a point.” Pandora nodded along, looking deep in thought.

“I’m sorry, and what exactly is that point?” Dorcas smirked.

“Well if you think about it, Barty is wrong.” Pandora smiled softly.

 

“No, really?” Dorcas gasped dramatically.

“Yes! Slughorn really is SLUGhorn if you don’t think of it as the creature but as the mannerism derived from the creature: sluggish.” Pandora explained, gesturing lines in the air with their wand.

“You know, I was just trying to be funny but fuck you Reggie, I had a point.” Barty smirked, flipping Regulus off.

“Stop taking advantage of Dora’s pity on you.” Dorcas grumbled while playing with Pandora’s braids, they’d dyed them an even lighter blonde a few days ago.

“I have done nothing of the sort-” Barty was cut off by Evan walking in smiling, he immediately made space for him on the bed next to him. “What’s got you all happy, Evie.” Barty questioned, his smirk softening to a simper when Evan sat next to him, leaving little to no space. Regulus’ rolled his eyes on instinct, these two were so oblivious.

“Amos asked me out.” Evan beamed, smiling right at Regulus, a silent thanks running between them.

Barty’s smile dropped immediately, “I thought you said you’d already ‘scored a date’ with him, not that it’s much of a win.” Evan’s smile twitched at his own mistake. Regulus will quite literally murder him if he fucks this up after everything Regulus did to set it up.

“Yes, he had already asked me out but he felt it was inadequate, not romantic enough, you know? This time he did it real romantically, candles and flowers. You know the gist.” Regulus scoffed at Evans' horrible save only an idiot would believe.

Barty shuffled closer to Dorcas, putting space between him and Evan. “So, he’s a real romantic, huh? Didn’t think you liked that. Honestly, he sounds like a loser.” Dorcas placed her hand on Barty’s knee, trying to settle him. Barty looked up at Regulus with pleading eyes, normally he only did that when Evan was tired of a party and Barty was trying to get them all to leave.

“He’s not a loser, he’s lovely.” Evan stated, Dorcas glared daggers to the side of his head.

“Oh, lovely is he? Great.” Barty shut his eyes tightly, “Me and Regulus have to go, we have studying to do.” Barty stood up, grabbing onto Regulus’ sleeve and dragging him out. Dorcas stormed out after them, grabbing onto Barty’s arm on the way out.

Barty pulled them into a supply closet and threw a silencing spell around them. “You two need to get me with Elias. I don’t give a fuck how you do it. Fucking hell you can tell him I’d blow him or something, just get me with him. This isn’t about the stupid bet anymore. Why the fuck did we even make that? This was your fucking idea Regulus, fucking fix it!” Barty stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

Dorcas opened the door, screaming out, “YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A FUCKING CUNT ABOUT IT!” She turned back to Regulus rolling her eyes, “He’s not wrong though, you did kind of start the bet.” She said sympathetically.

“We could just call it off.” Regulus supplied.

“No! I mean- no, we can’t.”

“Why not?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Then uncomplicate it for me.”

Dorcas sighed, “Fine. Okay, how the fuck do I explain this? Do you remember meeting my Grandmother?”

“June? Yes of course, she was lovely.” Regulus added, unclear of its relevance.

“You know she insists you call her Nanna June since the whole chess game.” Dorcas raised her eyebrows at him.

“Fine. Nanna June. Get on with it.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“So, you remember how superstitious she was?”

“Yes, vividly.”

“Well, it’s kind of like that. See, before the bet, me and Marlene never spoke. BUT, since the bet started… Reggie, she’s been choosing - CHOOSING - to sit next to me in divinations. She used to sit with your brother, now she sits with me. We can’t end the bet, Reggie. Please.” Dorcas pleaded.

“I’m sure she’ll still talk to you after it.”

“But why change it at all, especially if it’s good this way.” Dorcas protested.

“Dorcas, it’s ripping them apart. Not just Evan and Barty, look at Dora. I’ve never seen them this stressed.” Regulus argued.

“Can’t we just look out for me, just this once.”

“What do you mean ‘just this once’?”

“We never look out for me. It’s always, protect Pandora, coddle Evan, stand up for Barty, argue for you… we never look out for me. Granted, I don’t really tell you guys when I need you to. I’m really not good at that. But, can’t you tell sometimes? That I’m not okay? Or that I just need your help?”

“I’m not good at picking up on that sort of stuff.”

“Good, I don’t want you to be. I don’t want you guys to feel like you need to take care of me, I don’t-”

“We take care of eachother, Cass. You’re one of us and now it just feels like we’ve been ignoring you.”

“You haven’t been, I would just rather it if you didn’t feel the need to take care of me. I like it this way. But, right now I am asking for something. Can’t you do this for me, Reggie?” Dorcas pleaded.

“Yeah, I’ll keep it going. Eventually they’ll reel in all their mess.” Regulus doubted they would but Dorcas wanted this and he’d move the Earth for her if she asked.

“We both know they won’t but thanks. Seriously Reg, thanks.” Dorcas opened her arms for a hug, just an offer. Normally he wouldn’t but he would’ve felt like shit all day if he didn’t. Dorcas was a lot taller than him (taller than most people, only rivalled by Evan and Remus) so being hugged by her either made him feel like a child or safe, honestly, it was a toss up. It wasn’t a long hug, he was too awkward. She didn’t mention how awkwardly he hugged or how he treated touch, just opened the door and walked out with him, nudging him with her shoulder, smiling at him.

“So, you really like Marlene then?” He asked, trying to tease out the tension only he felt.

“Well, you know I’ve been crushing on her for ages. But, that was just a stupid hallway crush, it’s so much more now. She’s so much more.” Dorcas smiled fondly, thinking of memories Regulus will never fully know or understand. “How about you and James?”

“I haven’t seen him in a week, I've been kind of avoiding him.” Regulus added as if that didn’t affect him.

“Why?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Explain it then, idiot.”

“James is a very… vibrant person. It’s like- he feels all his emotions x10. So, the way he’s expressing his want for my friendship, looks almost romantic, and it’s messing with me. So, I’m avoiding him for my own sanity.” Regulus gave Dorcas the look that meant ‘drop it’. So she did.

“Oh! That reminds me, has James said anything about her? You know, like if she likes girls or not?” Dorcas looked down at him hopefully. Fuck, he’d forgotten all about his promise. There’s been so much going on. Remus and Sirius, Amos and Evan, Dorcas and Marlene, now Barty and Elias… himself and James.

“I don’t want to lie to you, I completely forgot to ask… But, I’ll ask, next time we hang out, I promise I’ll ask him.” Regulus promised, making sure he’d keep himself to it this time.

Dorcas looked kind of hurt that he’d forgotten about her, she moved the conversation on immediately. Regulus felt like shit. “What are we going to do about Barty?”

“We?” She was going to help him? After he forgot about her? Godrick, is she trying to show him how horrible he’s been.

“I know you helped Evan with Amos and I dumped the Marlene thing on you-”

“You didn’t dump it, you're my friend, it’s really not a problem.” Regulus swore.

“Okay but I’ll help you with the Elias thing.” She promised.

“You’re not gonna ditch me last minute as payback are you?” Regulus cocked his eyebrow at her.

“I won’t lie, I’m going to have to fight the urge to.” Regulus couldn’t help but laugh, “But, I promise to try to fight it as well as I can.” She smiled at him brightly.

“You know, neither of us have any connection to Elias.”

“He’s really given us a challenge hasn’t he.” Dorcas knocked her shoulder into his.

“Doesn’t he always? He’s Barty.” Regulus said fondly. “Oi, McKinnon’s over there.”

Dorcas stiffened immediately, “What? Where? How’s my hair?” She grabbed onto Regulus’ shoulders.

“Relax. She’s over there with my Brother. I can take him away for you.” Regulus offered.

“No! No, no, no. Don’t you dare. She’ll know it’s set up.” Dorcas protested.

“She’s a gryffindor, I doubt she’s smart enough.” Regulus snickered.

“Hey! I’ll have you know she’s quite smart.” Dorcas ranted about Marlene’s ‘genius’ while Regulus dragged her over to his brother.

“Sirius.” Regulus greeted, snapping Dorcas out of her Marlene-driven daze. Upon realising where she was she stiffened, offering Marlene a lopsided grin.

“McKinnon, loitering are we?” Dorcas flirted? Regulus wasn’t aware that was something she could do.

“Oh, you know me, absolute rebel.” Marlene giggled? He definitely didn’t think that was something SHE did. Regulus looked over at his brother to see his confused expression mirrored back at him, just with a bit more pride.

“Don’t I know it.” Dorcas smirked, stepping in closer to Marlene. Regulus took that as his cue to leave.

“S'il vous plaît, sortez-moi d'ici. Avant que mes oreilles ne saignent abondamment.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Alright, we’ll catch up with you ladies later. Marlene, don’t be a pleb.” Sirius grinned before dragging Regulus off.

“Wow, amazing exit.” Regulus dead panned.

“You asked for my help. You owe me for that by the way.” Sirius added.

“No, that was your payback for me getting you with Lupin.” Regulus corrected.

“What? I’m not with Moony?” Sirius looked at Regulus confusedly.

“Huh? Yes you are. I saw you together yesterday. His arm was quite literally hooked around your waist.” Regulus added an overly dramatic cough to express his disgust that his brother has a love life.

“We aren’t together, we were just mucking around.” Sirius avoided looking at Regulus.

Unlike Sirius, Regulus was horrible at dealing with his brother’s emotions. “What the fuck do you mean you aren’t together? You left Hogsmeade the other day intent on asking him out, what the fuck happened?” Regulus questioned.

“He likes someone else.” Sirius winced.

“No he doesn’t, I assure you.”

“He does.”

“And you know this, how?” Regulus felt like strangling his stupid, stupid brother.

“I- I found him in the Library with… with Lily… I’ve always known they were close, they have this weird connection, I don’t really understand it… well, I guess I didn’t understand it. I get it now.” Sirius picked at his nails.

“Well I don’t, so explain it.” Regulus demanded.

“He- you should’ve them, Reg. La façon dont il la regardait. He’s never looked at me like that… Il avait l'air vivant.” Sirius’ eyes got glassy, Regulus wanted to murder Lupin.

“I’m sure it isn’t like that-”

“I don’t want to talk about this. I have things to do.” Sirius turnt the corner leaving Regulus behind. Regulus pivoted on his heel, turning to storm back to McKinnon and Dorcas, who were now so far into each other's space they may as well be straddling each other.

“McKinnon.” Regulus pushed himself into their little area. “Have you seen Lupin?”

“Remus? No, last I saw, he and Lily were on their way to the library. But I’m no-” Regulus stormed off towards the library,

When he’d gotten there, he spotted Remus and Lily quite quickly. They were laughing, holding onto each other for stability. Regulus walked straight up to him and shoved his wand at his neck. Lily reached for her wand at the speed of light, holding it up to Regulus.

“What the fuck are you getting at? Do you think this is funny? Fucking with him like this? Cause if you think this is funny, I promise you Remus I have some fucking hilarious shit to show you.” Regulus pressed the wand deeper into his neck.

“Drop the wand or I’ll make you.” Lily threatened.

“Oh, you’ll make me, will you? I’d love to see you try. I’ve used and felt spells so painful your mind couldn’t even comprehend. I can rip you to pieces with the flick of my wrist. Watch yourself, Evans.” Regulus stared directly into her eyes.

“Regulus, stop it! What the fuck are you on about?” Remus attempted to push Regulus back but was clearly holding back not wanting to hurt him. Regulus wanted to kill him just for assuming he could harm him.

“He was going to ask you out! He fucking left Hogsmeade to go ask YOU out! But came here to see you all wrapped up around her. So that’s it, are you two together? And you’re just what? Using my brother because you like the feelings of having his attention on you? Are that fucking sad? That pathetic? You need to have my brother’s attention just to feel good about yourself because you know how worthless you are.” Regulus wanted Remus to cry himself to sleep every single night, with Regulus’ voice running around his mind.

“He was going to ask me out? He didn’t even come to me.” Remus looked dazed.

“Because you were too busy flirting with her.”

“He wasn’t flirting with me, we aren’t like that.” Lily swore.

“Sure you aren’t.”

“I’m a lesbian.” Lily stated making Regulus drop his wand.

“What-” He stared at her, looking at Remus hoping to see him just as confused.

“I don’t like blokes, meaning; I’m not trying to get with Remus. Can you fucking relax now. Godrick, you Blacks and your dramatics. So extra.” Lily rolled her eyes.

“That’s why you’re not with James.”

“Yes, not that I would’ve liked him if I did like men.” Remus nodded along with her.

“What does that mean?” Regulus pressed.

“It means; no girl wants some guy chasing her around professing his love every five minutes when she’s told him she’s not interested. Even if I did like men, it wouldn’t be James. Plus, he’s much more enjoyable as a friend, though I may be biassed.” Lily looked down at her book, “Now, I’m not going to waste my time talking to you if you’re just going to be angry. If you want to talk, take a few breaths then we can.” Lily’s words made him realise how ridiculous he was acting. Godrick, he was acting like Sirius.

“Does James know?”

“Why would he?” Remus answered for her, seeing as she was adamant on not talking to Regulus unless he visibly took a few breaths.

“Because- well wouldn’t he understand more if she just told him?”

“I don’t think she’s entitled to give James that just for him to understand. Plus, he’s calmed down, hasn't asked her out since fourth year. Think he finally realised how invasive he was.” Remus seemed mad on behalf of Lily.

“I have to go.” Regulus said turning on his heels, Remus grabbed onto his arm.

“I think you owe both of us an apology.” Lily looked up at her book expectantly. Regulus looked at her, like, really looked at her for the first time. She was quite beautiful. Even Regulus could see that. Lily Evans was elegant in a way his mother would’ve killed for. Regulus wanted to think of her as stupid for somehow denying James Potter. But, his mind seemed to betray him, refusing to think of her as anything near it. Godrick, he hated her for evading his anger.

“I’m-” Regulus clenched his fist by his side, “I’m sorry.”

Remus smiled up at him, “No hard feelings?”

“I have no feelings or thoughts for you, either of you.” Regulus walked away, but not before catching the hurt that crossed Remus’ eyes. Now that was satisfying.

 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Regulus spent the rest of his day walking the grounds aimlessly, avoiding thinking about any of his current issues. Though the problem is Regulus’ mind refuses to shut up, so in a sad attempt at avoiding his problems, he’s just been brainstorming how to fix them all within the next 24 hours. His mind had just settled on the topic of ethical kidnapping when James’ voice broke through his thoughts.

“Hey, haven’t seen you in a while. You finally not ‘busy’?” James questioned, knocking Regulus’ shoulder with his own playfully.

“No, I seem to be even more busy than usual.” Regulus said coldly.

“Are you mad at me?” James looked worried.

“Do you want me to be?”

James scoffed, “Of course not.” Regulus picked up his pace, half because he wanted to be alone and half because he wanted to see if James would follow. He did. “Hey, what’s wrong?” James asked, his eyes soft.

“I went off at Remus and inadvertently threatened to torture him, I guess I now feel guilty? Or something, I’m not sure.” Regulus was surprised at his own honesty.

“Why’d you threaten to torture Moony? He’s like… okay, right?” James questioned, concern crossing his features but he didn’t move an inch away from Regulus.

“It’s complicated but to simplify it; I thought he hurt Sirius.” Regulus rubbed the back of his neck.

“Did he? Also you didn’t answer if he is alright or not.” James added.

“He didn’t, turns out my brother’s just a clueless idiot. Seems I am too when he’s involved. And yes, I didn’t torture Remus.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Why’d you go straight to threatening Moony?”

“Wouldn’t you? Take Remus out of the equation. Sirius told you this guy made him feel bad, wouldn’t you do what I did?” Regulus looked up at him, practically begging him to say he would too.

“I suppose… but if it was an emotional thing, I know Padfoot isn’t the best at understanding them… so, I’d try to get the full story first.” James decided.

“And if you found out the full story and Sirius was right?”

“I’d prank the shit out of the dude. My parents are strictly no violence, I wouldn’t make it physical unless they’d hurt him physically or if they started on me physically.”

“But what if this dude supposedly emotionally hurt him a lot, isn’t it fair to lay it on him?” Regulus felt more and more shit with every answer James gave him, but he kept asking for more and more.

“There are other ways to get back at him.” James added, looking back at Regulus, his eyes warm and inviting.

“Don’t you think that’s too nice? Letting him off easy?”

“Yeah, I do.” James admitted.

“Then, why do it?”

“I don’t know, I guess it’s not in my nature.” James shrugged.

“Don’t you get sick of your nature?” Regulus asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, aren’t you sick of being nice? Don’t you ever just want to go crazy? Give in to all your bad decisions, grab your first thought and fucking run with it… don’t you feel that?” Regulus looked up at him with pleading eyes.

“Yeah, I guess I do. But, we can’t just do that, Reg. Sometimes it’s good to deny yourself.” James looked down at Regulus, “Sometimes it isn’t…” He looked back up.

“Do you think I should’ve denied myself?”

“Depends.”

“On?”

“Would Sirius have done the same for you?” Regulus looked up at James, thinking what Sirius would do if James unintentionally hurt him.

“I don’t know… depends.”

“On?”

“Who the person is.” Regulus cursed his sudden spree of honesty.

“I don’t think you’re right. I share a dorm with the bloke, I’ve had to hear about his annoying little brother since first year. I don’t think he’d twice before doing exactly the same thing you did, probably worse.” James chuckled.

“He used to speak about me?” Regulus looked at James as if he’d just given him a piece of solid gold.

“All the time.” James smiled at him as if his doubt was cute.

“What’d he used to say?” Regulus asked.

“Why don’t we go somewhere more comfortable to talk? we’ve been walking around the same circle of classrooms for like 10 minutes.”

“There’s 20 minutes till curfew?” Regulus reminded him, though he was sure James couldn’t give two shits about curfew.

“Who’s gonna get us in trouble? How will they, if they can’t find us?” James smiled, mischief lining it.

“That sounds horribly creepy.”

James burst out laughing, “Shut up, come on.”

“Where?”

“Wherever you want to go.”

“Astronomy tower?” Regulus recommended.

“Why there?” He asked, looking genuinely interested. Curse James Potter and his interest.

“The stars.”

“Why go there for the stars?” James asked genuinely as if that wasn’t the dumbest question to be asked.

“It’s the astronomy tower? You know, astronomy - stars?” Regulus explained with his hands as if talking to a child.

“Yeah but, there's better views of the stars.” James claimed with a cocky smile.

“Oh really, go on then. Show me.” Regulus challenged, just wanting to be closer to James.

“Okay, but this isn’t an invitation to share around my secret access to the stars, Black.” James smirked, pulling Regulus along by his sleeve.

Comment était-il censé se concentrer sur les étoiles, alors que le soleil était assis à côté de lui. Les mettant tous dans la honte.

Notes:

TRANSLATIONS:

S'il vous plaît, sortez-moi d'ici. Avant que mes oreilles ne saignent abondamment. : Please get me out of here. Before my ears start to bleed profusely.

La façon dont il la regardait. : The way he looked at her.

Il avait l'air vivant. : He looked alive

 

Comment était-il censé se concentrer sur les étoiles, alors que le soleil était assis à côté de lui. Les mettant tous dans la honte. : How was he supposed to focus on the stars, when the sun sat next to him. Putting them all to shame.

Chapter 7: Chapter 7

Summary:

the stars ✨

Notes:

HIIII todays a short ass chapter its just wrapping up this part of the fic bc the next chapter is the start of easter break

 

TRANSLATIONS AT THE END NOTE

thought theres only 1 line of french

 

ALSO - HOLY FUCKING SHIT?????????? 800 READS?????? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???? IM IN FULL OUT SHOCKKKKK

 

also also - if some of the words i say r spelt "wrong" its bc im australian and spell the australian/british way

so like: Biased (American) = Biassed (Australian)

James~

It was pitch black, James was leading the way purely by muscle memory, Reggie was too scared of being caught to cast an illuminating spell. He also seemed to be scared of the noises around them, getting closer and closer to James with each noise. James was holding onto his sleeve pulling him along but he might as well be holding his hand.

“James, are we almost there? I don’t like this.” Regulus asked, moving in closer to James.

“It’s fine, trust me it’s worth it.”

Regulus finally caught onto where they were heading, “Why are we going to the bridge?”

“The views amazing at night, you can see the stars too.”

“Okay, but the astronomy tower has a better view of them.” Regulus argued.

“Can you just trust me?” James asked, trying his best to copy Regulus’ signature eyebrow raise.

“It’s almost 10:30pm and you’re walking me to a bridge, you see how that may be hard to trust, right?” An owl hooting cut off Regulus’ full intended sass, which honestly feels like he saves up all of it through his week just to throw at James. James hopes he never stops. Regulus practically plastered himself to James’ side.

“Relax, relax, it’s just an owl.” James slipped his hand down from Regulus’ sleeve and into his hand. Regulus didn’t pull away, just stiffened a little.

“I swear if we can’t see anything, I’m going to throw you off the edge of the bridge.” Regulus grumbled, though it lacked its usual bite, especially when his hand was clasped tightly around James’.

“Throw me and I’m taking you down with me.” James threatened playfully, avoiding the urge to pull Regulus into his arms. Regulus laughed softly next to James, his grip relaxing. James guided them onto the bridge, walking them to the very middle. Regulus’ eyes shone as he looked out at the view. The crescent moon and twinkling stars alike, reflecting off the Black Lake and lining the mountains around it.

“So, you weren’t horribly wrong, it’s quite pretty here. Though you would still see the stars brighter from the tower.” Regulus debated.

“But you like it?” James looked at Regulus, his mind willing him to look back.

“Yeah, I like it.” Regulus visibly relaxed next to him.

“What star are you looking for?” James questioned.

“Cassiopeia.”

“Which ones that?”

“The one that’s in the shape of a W” Regulus answered.

“No offence, Reg. But they all just look like a bunch of dots to me, you couldn’t pay me to find these ‘shapes’.” Regulus laughed quietly next to James, a small laugh, just for him. He went to pick up his hand to show him the shape of the stars, then shot him an apologetic smile when he realised they were still holding hands. James wanted to run his fingers across the strain in Regulus’ smile. Tell him that he doesn’t have to apologise for letting James close to him.

Regulus pulled his and James’ hands up to outline the stars, “There, see, Cassiopeia.” James nodded along, but he still couldn’t see her.

“Why were you looking for her?” James questioned, moving in closer now that Regulus had let go of his hand.

“She makes me laugh. And makes me hopeful.” Regulus isn’t normally this open but today he’s been letting James see him.

“Why’s that?”

“Because she’s quite pathetic really. Basically, she was a Queen and she had this daughter named Andromeda.”

“Your cousin's namesake.” James cut in.

“Yes, her.” Regulus smiled up at him as if he’d done something good, James liked that. “Well, Andromeda was quite beautiful, so beautiful that her mother - Cassiopeia - decided to tell everyone that she was prettier than the sea nymphs, Nereids. But obviously, a claim like that doesn’t go unnoticed, Poseidon - god of the sea - heard of what she had said and decided the only rational thing here to do was send a sea monster called Cetus to fuck up the kingdom.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Obviously.” James chimed in, making Regulus grin.

“Well, obviously Queen Cassiopeia didn’t want her kingdom ruined, so she - like any good mother would - sacrificed her daughter.” The suddenness pulled a choked laugh out of James. Regulus smirked. “She tied her to a rock as prey for the monster.”

“Shit.”

“Shit indeed.” James couldn’t help but laugh, Regulus was so effortlessly funny. “But this demigod, son of Zeus, named Perseus, saved her and slayed the monster. She ended up marrying him but that’s not important.”

“I think it’s important, tell me more about that.” James cut in, annoyed at Regulus for avoiding the clearly epic love story.

“We’ll get to it. Anyways, eventually they all die but they all get preserved as stars. But Cassiopeia, oh well, the gods got the last laugh. She was forced to wheel around on her throne in the sky, most of it spent upside down, clinging onto her throne for dear life.” Regulus laughed softly, almost fondly at the deranged story.

“That’s a bit extreme, isn’t it?” James questioned.

“James, please. If that’s extreme, then what’s Medusa’s severed head in the sky?” James choked out a cough.

“I’m sorry, her what?” Regulus burst out laughing over his question, holding onto his stomach, doubling over. James is sure he heard a snort or two.

“Godrick, James. Relax, it’s just a story.” Regulus’ laugh subsided into small giggles here and there.

“A very graphic story.” James corrected, causing Regulus to burst out laughing again.

“It’s Greek mythology, I can assure you there are far worse.” Regulus smiled, pressing his side to James’.

“Why do you like Cassiopeia’s star so much? It's such an intense story. Couldn’t pick a love story to favourite?” James questioned.

“Her vainess and scapegoat-like sacrificial tendencies reminds me of someone. Let's just say it’s fun for me to see her get what she deserves. Gives me hope.” Regulus smiled sadly. James suddenly felt like Poseidon, sending a monster to harm the person who caused his Nereids sadness. The Nereids were his, he couldn’t let them be treated like that. If James had a sea monster at hand (Marlene could pass, she’s an immaculate swimmer. Plus she’d do it for 2 galleons) he’d send it after whoever Regulus was thinking of.

“Are all your favourite stars like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like, the gods getting payback, people getting what they deserved. Stuff like that.” James clarified. James couldn’t help but stare at Regulus, he looked like an angel with the moon hitting his skin, making him look like he was glowing. James had to fight the urge to reach out and caress his cheek. Regulus really was beautiful. In a subjective way, of course.

Regulus stopped and looked up at James, his pale silver eyes softening. “Not all of them.” A soft smile graced Regulus’ lips, James was almost convinced it was made for him.

“Tell me about the one that isn’t all payback and comeuppance.” James asked, holding Regulus’ soft gaze.

“It’s the Lyra constellation,” Regulus looked down at James’ hand, asking to touch him. James offered up his hand, as if it was ever a question. “It consists of a few stars but the most well known one is Vega,” Regulus traced a shape into the sky, landing at one point. “It’s the brightest star of the Summer Triangle.”

“The Summer Triangle?” James questioned.

“We can’t see it yet.”

“When can we see it?”

“May through to October. It’s a triangle formed by Vega, Deneb and Altair. Vega being the brightest.”

“Can you show me? You know, in March?” James asked, really just wanting to be close to him.

“I doubt you’ll still be teaching me how to skate in March.” Regulus said, dropping James hand. James wanted to pick his back up, or beg for Regulus to do it.

“What's that have to do with stars?” James raised his eyebrows at him.

“Well I doubt we’d hang out after that’s over. So, it has everything to do with stars.” Regulus supplied.

“Well if that’s how you’re taking this, then I’m never going to stop teaching you. Not even when we’re old and grey and can hardly pick up the board.” James laughed at the thought of an old Regulus falling off a board into his arms again. The thought of himself and Regulus old together brought heat to his cheeks.

Regulus rolled his eyes, “Back to the stars?”

James nodded, “Back to the stars.”

“Well, Lyra is the Lyre of Orpheus.”

“Who’s Orpheus?” James questioned, just wanting to see the annoyed scroll Regulus gave him.

“If you’d let me finish I’d tell you.” Regulus rolled his eyes. “Orpheus was a poet and a musician, he played a lyre. His music was charming, so charming it moved inanimate objects.” James laughed at the idea of a stick feeling moved by music, he’d have to bring this to Peter later. “His music was so beautiful that Jason and the Argonauts asked him to join them, so he could rebel against the voices of the sirens. But that’s not the point of this, at one point he met this ethereally beautiful oak Nymph Eurydice. And they were going to get married but on the day of their wedding, as she was walking up the aisle, she was bitten by a snake. Dropping dead at his feet.” Regulus said it like it was nothing.

“What? Just like that? She’s gone? You’re joking right?” James questioned, offended on behalf of Eurydice, who he thought deserved at least a bit more story time.

“Can I finish?” James nodded, moving his hand in circles telling Regulus to hurry up. Regulus rolled his eyes but continued on nonetheless, “Orpheus obviously couldn’t handle her not being there with him.”

“Obviously.” James agreed.

“So he went to the underworld to bring her back.”

“Not so obvious.” James added, making Regulus laugh. Godrick, he loved that sound.

“To get to Hades, he had to get past Cerberus, the three headed dog.” James didn’t understand how Regulus could say that without the slightest bit of awe, like, come on, it’s a three headed dog! “So he played his lyre and apparently it was so beautiful, it put Cerberus to sleep.”

“That’s all it takes to get by? Put them to sleep? I could do that easily.” James concluded, nodding his head obnoxiously.

“No you could not. If anything, you’d wake them up even more.” Regulus said as if it was obvious.

“Yes I could! I’m amazing at bedtime stories. My little cousins used to love my stories, they still do.”

“Sure, but would a literal three headed dog?” Regulus cocked his eyebrow at him.

“Probably, I’m quite the charmer, much like Orpheus.” Regulus stifled a laugh.

“Sure you are. Anyway, he gets past Cerberus and is still playing his lyre, Charon-”

“Oh I know him!” Regulus threw his hand over James’ mouth.

“Great, you know him, don’t alert the whole school. Anyways, so normally Charon would charge people a golden drachma if they wanted to cross the River Styx to see Hades. But, Orpheus’ music was so beautiful that Charon rode him across free of charge.”

“Lucky.” James grumbled.

“I’m sorry, are you planning on riding across the River Styx some time soon?” Regulus asked sarcastically.

“I could be.” James muttered.

“Sure. So, when Orpheus got to the palace of the underworld, where Hades and Persephone were, he sang to them.”

“Sang? What’s he gonna do, shag them into letting Eurydice free?” James asked, making Regulus choke out a laugh.

“Shag? Where’d you pull that from?” Regulus laughed.

“He charms them, I just assumed that was the next step.” James stated as if it was a common assumption.

“Please, never assume again. No, he doesn’t shag them.” Regulus rolled his eyes. “He sang to them about Eurydice and how much he loves her, about how she was taken from him too soon. He sang about how one day she would end up in the underworld anyway, so why couldn’t Hades give her just a little bit more time, just a bit more, to spend with him. Orpheus’ song was so beautiful it even made the Furies, the three demonic goddesses, cry. Hades granted him his wish, but gave it on one condition. Orpheus was to leave the underworld and Eurydice would follow, but he was not to look back to see if she was there.”

James cut Regulus off, “That’s it? That’s all? Are you taking the piss?”

“You think that was too easy?” Regulus questioned.

“Obviously, just don’t look back.” James rolled his eyes.

“Okay, let me finish. If Orpheus looked back, Eurydice would be sent back to the land of the dead. Orpheus left but with every step, the thought of Eurydice not following him clouded him more and more. He couldn’t hear her, so how could he know she was there? He just wanted to see her, no- he needed to see her. So, just as he was about to step out of the underworld, he turned to look at her and she was pulled back down to the depths of the underworld. Orpheus couldn’t get back into the underworld to try and get her back, he was denied each time.”

“Seriously? That’s all? Eurydice dies because Orpheus was an idiot?” James asked, mad on the behalf of Eurydice.

“I’m not done.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“I don’t see how you could fix it, but sure, continue.”

“Orpheus swore off love, refusing to give himself to another as strongly as he did Eurydice. So he just sat and played his lyre, he only ever sang songs about lovers. He sang of Ganymede, Pygmalian, Adonis and others like them. His loss allowed him to see the loss and love of others. Orpheus’ songs eventually got on the nerves of this group of women, called the Maenads. He sang of love yet he refused to love them. It maddened them, so they attacked him, ripping him to shreds with their spears-”

“How is that better? How is this any better?” James questioned.

“I never claimed it was. But, if it comforts you, Orpheus and Eurydice are now said to walk the banks of the River Styx together.” Regulus consoled.

“That does not make me feel better. Orpheus was an idiot.” James concluded.

“He quite literally created the love poem, because of Eurydice.” Regulus argued.

“He still looked back.”

“Wouldn’t you? Just say the girl you love dies and your only way to bring her back is to just trust that she’s following you out of the underworld. Yet, there is no way for you to know because you cannot hear her. Knowing you probably couldn’t come back in after this and this is your only chance to save her, wouldn’t you look back to check if she was really there?” Regulus questioned.

James stopped and thought about it. Trying to put a face to his Eurydice, he looked down at Regulus, who was looking back up at him. He really was beautiful, his eyes and skin shone under the pale glow of the moon, making him look ethereal. James couldn’t help that his mind connected Regulus’ face to his Eurydice. The thought of Regulus being taken from him made him queasy. The thought of not knowing if he was there or not made him sympathise with Orpheus. “Okay, so maybe it would be a little harder than I anticipated.” James admitted.

“So you’d have lost her too?” Regulus said, far too prideful for the thoughts crossing James’ mind.

“Yes, but I wouldn’t have left yo- Eurydice, there.” James stuttered.

“James, he was refused re-entry, he quite literally couldn’t get her back if he tried.” Regulus rolled his eyes at James arrogance.

“Well I don’t care. I’d fight to get back in. I’d slay Cerberus and Charon. Fight whatever she-demon-goddess they want me to. Merlin, I’d fight a god. I wouldn’t leave you there. I’d never.” James decided.

“Me?” Regulus questioned, his eyes blown wide.

“What?”

“You said, “I wouldn’t leave you there.’ You, as in me?” Regulus looked fearful. Was James imagining him as Eurydice really that bad? Regulus said she was ethereally beautiful, who else was James supposed to connect to her? There was no one else who James could see fitting the part like Regulus does.

“No, I said ‘Eu', short for Eurydice.” James lied, knowing Regulus wouldn’t buy it. Regulus nodded, James could tell he believed him.

“We should probably get back, James.” Regulus said, looking back out at the lake.

“What? We’ve barely enjoyed the view.” James clearly said something that upset Regulus but he couldn’t think of what.

“James, I have to get up early tomorrow. I promised Pandora I'd help them pack for Easter break. I also by default have to help Evan and Barty, but then Dorcas by extension also would want help.” Regulus answered, silencing all of James’ worries.

“Okay, but can’t we stay just a few more minutes?” James pleaded.

“Fine, but no talking. Just appreciate the view.” Regulus demanded.

“I will.” James sat, staring at Regulus.

“Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.” Regulus spoke in the prettiest voice James has ever heard. Everytime Regulus speaks in French to him, James feels the world shift. He’s so pretty. His voice is so pretty. Of course he’s Eurydice, no one else could be. James decided he’d remember the words off by heart, so he could repeat them to Sirius, find out what he’d said. Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi. Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi. Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi. Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi. James repeated in his mind.

Notes:

TRANSLATIONS:

Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi. : Look at the stars, my sun that shines just for me.

Chapter 8: Chapter 8

Summary:

james finds out the meaning of his french sentence

Notes:

YALL ITS 4AM AND I FORGOT TO WRITE THIS 💀💀💀💀 todays chapters very short and kinda shite but yall r nice and will accept it

ALSO IM GETTING MY HAIR DYED IN A COUPLE HOURS IM SO EXCITEDDDD

 

hope ur all having a lovely day <3

 

this is unedited yall so ignore the mistakes

James~

It’s the first day of Easter break and Regulus has been distant, James has tried to find him but he’s isolated himself. Sirius isn’t around either, he’s locked himself in his room and is refusing to talk about whatever's bothering him (though, James got him to promise he’d talk to him tonight). So, James was virtually alone. He hates being alone. So, like he always did when he felt lonely as a kid, he went and found his mum.

She was in her art studio. It was always the brightest room in the house, windows that arched just under the ceiling; always drawn open. The door was always open, she hated the thought that people might leave her to herself in there.

James walked in plopping himself down on the easel next to her, “Can I draw with you, Mum?” He asked.

“If you’re going to draw, you’re going to finish one of the ten you haven’t.” She stood up walking over to her stack of his unfinished paintings. “Finish this one for me, JJ? Always wanted to see where you were going with it.” She smiled at him softly, mussing his hair as she set it in front of him.

“To be honest, I wasn’t going anywhere with it. It was just squiggles.” James admitted making his Mother laugh out. She always laughed so loudly, she refused to stifle any laughs.

“Well then, make something of it for me.” She smiled, sitting down on the seat next to his. “JJ, what’d I say about drawing on your hand?” She raised her eyebrows at him, still smiling fondly.

“If I’m going to do it-”

“Which you shouldn't.”

“Which I shouldn’t. But if I were to, I have to use ink that’s safe for my skin.” James concluded, smiling up at his Mother.

“Is it skin safe ink?” She questioned.

“No but-”

“Go wash it off and use safer ink.” She cut in.

“I can’t wash it off, it’s important.” James pleaded.

“Write it on paper.” Effy handed him a paper and pen.

“Noooo, I can lose a paper, I can’t lose my hand.” James argued.

“You never know.” Effy sang.

“Mum, I can’t rub it off.”

“Why not? What’s it say?” She questioned.

“It’s French, so I’m not sure. Waiting to ask Sirius but he’s not feeling well, so I’m just going to keep it to myself until he’s feeling better.” James informed her.

“Maybe that’s not for the best, James. You’re not going to be any help to Sirius if you’re just thinking about how he can help you once he feels better. I learnt a bit of French back at Hogwarts, I had a French friend…” Effy’s smile faltered. “Let me read it, I’ll give it a shot.”

James held his hand out to his Mother, “I’m not sure if it’s spelt right… or if it’s even readable.” James warned. Effy inspected his hand, which read: ‘Rehgarhd illes etwol, mon solae key brie justoo poor mwah’.

“You really just guessed how to spell it, didn’t you?” Effy asked, laughing softly.

“Yes, it’s not like he would’ve spelled it out for me if I asked.” James commented.

“Who? Someone said this to you?” Effy looked down at him, her eyes soft, her smile proud.

“Yeah, Reggie. So, what’s it say?” Effy’s eyes blew wide.

“James, are you sure he said this? ‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi?’ Did he say that?” Effy question, her french broken up but close enough to what Regulus had said.

“Yes, that’s exactly what he said. A bit smoother, though.” James’ smile lit up.

“Well, I could be wrong but I’m quite sure I’m correct… it says; ‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.’ Which means-”

“You’re stalling? Is it bad? Did he call me something mean? If he did it’s just his way of joking. He doesn’t mean it, not really.” James promised.

“No, no it’s not mean… well, it says… James, I don't think I should tell you this.” Effy admitted.

“Why not?” James asked, concern running through his tone.

“Well, you might get the wrong idea. I’m quite sure I’ve understood it wrong. I don’t want you to treat Regulus any differently because of this.” Effy said, holding onto James’ hand softly.

“Mum, I won’t. I promise. Nothing he could have said would change how I think of him.” James promised.

“And what is it you think of him, JJ?” Euphemia asked, hope in her eyes.

“He’s Regulus, of course I think highly of him.” James answered.

“Yes, but what do you think of him? In depth, JJ.” She squeezed his hand softly.

“I care about him a lot.” James answered, confused.

“That’s a feeling, not a thought.”

“...well, with Reggie, feelings and thoughts over lap… like a lot.” James felt heat rise to his cheeks.

“What do you mean?” Effy challenged.

“Well, it’s like… every thought I have about him, a feeling follows it. Do you know what I mean?” James questioned.

“Somewhat. Can you elaborate? Maybe it’d help if you gave me an example.” Effy offered.

“Okay… um, well let me think about it… For example, the other night we went and watched the stars-”

“You and Regulus?” Euphemia cut in.

“Yes, he loves the stars.” James’ eyes lit up, “Oh, you should’ve heard his stories! He told me about Cassiopeia and Andromeda. He told me all about Orpheus and Eurydice! It was awesome, very sad but awesome.” James smiled, thinking of Regulus. “What was it I was saying?”

Effy’s smile softened, “Your feelings and thoughts overlapping the other night when you watched the stars.”

“Oh, yes that. Well, when we were watching the stars, he told me about Orpheus and how he looked back and I said Orpheus was an idiot, but Reggie told me to think about; if I was Orpheus and I couldn’t hear or see my Eurydice-”

“Your Eurydice? Who’s your Eurydice?” Euphemia questioned, eyes alight.

“Well I imagined Regulus.” James smiled.

“Regulus was Eurydice… and you were Orpheus?” Euphemia’s smile quirked.

“Yes, because Regulus said Eurydice was ethereally beautiful.” James answered, thinking that it was obvious.

“So, your mind connected that to Regulus?”

“Of course. No one else really fits it.”

“What about Lily?” Euphemia challenged.

“Lily? What does this have to do with Lily?”

“Well, doesn’t she fit the mould of Eurydice’s ethereal beauty?” Euphemia questioned, causing James’ mind to stutter. Lily. He’d forgotten about Lily? She’s quite beautiful, James’ always thought that and still does. Is she a better fit for his Eurydice? But, Regulus is the perfect fit. No one fits it as well as him.

“Well- I suppose?” The answer felt wrong to James. “Well, maybe not… Not because Lily’s not beautiful! Because she is. She’s so beautiful. But, she’s more of an earthy kind of Beauty. You know?” James bargained.

“And Regulus’ beauty is more godlike?” Euphemia questioned.

“Yes! Yes, that exactly. I knew you’d understand.” James smiled brightly at her.

“Tell me more about your feelings and thoughts overlapping.”

“Well, it’s like that just then. I thought about Regulus’ beauty and it made me feel all red inside.” James answered.

“Red?” Euphemia quirked her eyebrow at him.

“Yeah, I don’t know how else to explain it. But, the feelings are red. But a maroon red.” James answered, thinking the answer was quite obvious.

“What’s maroon feel like?” His mother asked, rubbing circles into his palms.

“Hot but not burning, a nice hot. It feels really happy, like- like rain but nice rain.”

“Nice rain?”

“You know when- when you're in a bad mood but you’ve had a very big day, like there was a quidditch game on and you had to keep your team’s spirit up. So, you had to use all your energy, even though you didn’t have any to begin with?” Effy nodded along. “So, everything has been really hyper all day but you haven’t felt good. And then it rains and it feels like it’s matching you. So it’s calming because something finally matches you… yeah, that’s right. Maroon is the feeling when the rain is the only one who’s listening to you.” James smiled at the thought.

“And Regulus, he’s maroon?” Euphemia asked, her eyes looking glassy,

“Yeah, he’s always maroon.” James answered.

“Is anyone else Maroon?” She asked, making James’ mind stutter once again. Suddenly James can’t remember feeling maroon before Regulus. Maybe he had but he can’t remember it.

“No, I think it’s just Regulus.” James answered.

“‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.’ It means; ‘Look at the stars, my Sun that shines just for me.’” Euphemia smiled at him softly.

“‘Look at the stars, my Sun that shines just for me.’” James smiled fondly, “I love how he thinks.”

Euphemia’s smile faltered, “What? What do you mean?”

“Well, everyone else sees the Sun as the Sun, obviously. But Reggie, he sees the stars as his Sun.” James smiled softly at Regulus’ brilliant mind.

“That’s what you think it means?” Effy questioned, confusion drawn on all her features.

“Yeah, of course. Does it mean something differently?”

Euphemia straightened up, “No, no, I’m sure you’re right. Go back to your painting, JJ. And please go wash the ink off your hand.” Effy smiled before going back to her work.

James was ecstatic, he finally knew what he’d said. Godrick, Regulus’ mind was beautiful. James wanted to paint the words all over his room, so he could see a piece of Regulus’ mind every day.

‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.’

‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.’

‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.’

‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.’

‘Regarde les étoiles, mon soleil qui brille juste pour moi.’

 

James painted with his Mother for the rest of the day. His squiggles that meant nothing became maroon. Maroon and the stars.

 

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Normally on the first day of break they’d all have dinner together, but Sirius wasn’t feeling well so they decided against it. James went off to look for Regulus again, set on asking him to go get dinner with him. It’d taken 20 minutes to find him but eventually he found him in the greenhouse.

“Reggie, it’s getting late. Maybe you should come back inside.” James said, plopping himself down on the seat opposite of Regulus.

“I’m reading.” Regulus replied, not looking up from his book.

“I see that but it’s getting cold and it’s late. Come inside.” James nudged his leg with his foot.

“I want to be alone.” Regulus answered coldly.

“Hey, me too! Let’s do it together.” James smirked, nudging Regulus again.

“That’s not being alone.”

“And who died and made you king? It’s alone if I say it’s alone. Come get dinner with me, Reggieeeee.” James sang.

“Why?” Regulus finally closed his book, bookmarking it with a Hogwarts express ticket.

“Because I haven’t seen you all day.” James whined.

“And?”

“Please.” James pleaded.

Regulus sighed dramatically, “Fine, I’ll come with you. Just let me get changed.” Regulus got up and walked right past James. “Where are we going?” Regulus asked, not even checking to see if James was behind him. See this is why he’s not Orpheus.

“I was thinking maybe just something simple, like burgers.” James jogged a little bit to be next to Regulus.

“You know it’s going to rain, right?” Regulus asked. James couldn’t see his face but he knew he was raising his eyebrows at him.

“So? We’ll bring an umbrella.” James grinned.

“And do Euphemia and Fleamont know about your dinner plans?”

“Yes, of course I asked.” No he did not.

“Is Siri coming?” Regulus asked, trying to dim his hopefulness.

“He’s not feeling well.” Regulus didn’t reply, he just kept walking. “Hey, I’ll wait for you on the veranda, okay?” James yelled after Regulus as he walked up the stairs.

James went straight to the living room where his parents were playing a board game and threw himself down dramatically to the couch opposite his parents. “Mother, Father, I’m in need of your support and assistance.” James spoke in his poshest British accent.

“What is the matter, Son?” Fleamont replied, also in a posh accent.

“I’ve made arrangements without seeking your approval.” James made an exaggerated fainting noise.

“You’ve made your way to the right acquaintances. What and when are these arrangements?” Monty rolled his R’s dramatically.

“Right now, with Reggie, getting burgers.” James dropped the accent, sitting up straight looking at his parents.

“No. Immediately, no.” Euphemia cut in.

“Please, I already told him you said yes.” James whined.

“Well then, un-tell him. It’s 10pm, you’re not leaving this house.” Monty ruled.

“Please, we’re just getting food we’ll be right back after.” James pleaded.

“No, James. It’s late, just eat here.” Monty finalised.

“Dad, I’m 17, it’s only 10.”

“James-”

“I can use my wand outside of Hogwarts.”

“James-”

“I’ll protect us, I promise.” James swore.

“JJ, I know you can but Regulus is 16, he can’t use his wand.” Euphemia rationalised.

“I’ll keep him safe. I’d never let anything happen to him, Mum.” James promised.

“You get food and you come right back, no detours.” Euphemia finally gave in.

James rushed over to her and wrapped his arms around her. “Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.”

James let go of her and went to run off to the viranda to meet Reggie, but she pulled him back down. “JJ, before you go… we just wanted to talk to you about something.” Euphemia smiled reassuringly.

“What’s up?” James answered.

“Well…” Euphemia looked to Monty for help.

“JJ, we just wanted to tell you we love you and… you know, we’d support you through anything.” Monty started.

“Really, we’re always here. No matter what, you’ll always be our James. You can tell us anything.” Effy added.

“I know.” James smiled, trying to ease the tension.

“Is there… Anything you want to tell us?” Monty asked hopefully.

“Maybe about Regulus?” Euphemia added.

“I don’t think so? Can I think about it?” James answered unsurely.

“Yes, of course.” Monty swore.

“Take your time sweetheart.” Effy smiled softly.

“We’ll never rush you through these things.” Monty promised, pulling James into a hug. James didn’t understand what was going on but he felt like crying.

“James?” James looked up to see Regulus standing at the living room entry, “Sorry, am I interrupting?” Regulus asked, backing away slowly.

James jumped up immediately, “No, no of course not! Sorry, we were just saying goodbye.” James smiled tightly. “Are you ready to go?” James stopped, finally looking at Regulus. He was wearing a long dark brown coat and tight black jeans and a creamy white shirt (James was sure it was Sirius’). He looked amazing. Right out of one of those magazine’s the Muggle girls fan over. “You look-” James stopped and couldn’t bring his thoughts together.

“I look?” Regulus cocked his eyebrow at him.

“Really nice, you look really nice.” James smiled, staring at Regulus.

“So, are we off then?” Regulus asked.

“Yeah, yeah of course. Let me just go get us an umbrella.” James bolted off upstairs.

Chapter 9: Chapter 9

Summary:

burgersssss

Notes:

im so sorry for not updating for legit 3 days- its been a hectic few days but we're back on track now (as in from this point onwards bc todays chapter is horrible and also sort as fuckkkkk) i swear to you after this the chapters will be longer and hopefully better- i cannot promise good writing 💀 BUT LONGER I CAN DEF PROMISE DRNFEKJNFKJNTD

thank u so much for all the kudos and reads and bookmarks and lovely lovely comments ALSO HOLY SHIT THANK U FOR 1000 READS <333333

 

!!TW!!
-Panic attack
-conversation about a panic attack

James~

Regulus walked along the street James had apparated them to, “I haven’t been here before.” Regulus commented, pressing himself closer to James.

“Really? I love it here. Mum and Dad used to bring me here all the time as a kid. It's lovely, just give it a chance, okay?” James smiled at him warmly.

“So, it’s safe, right? I mean, if Euphemia brought you here when you were young, it has to be.” Regulus questioned, his hand scraping the side of James’.

“Regulus, I’d never take you anywhere that wasn’t.” He nodded slightly, he didn’t believe him. Why didn’t he believe him? “Hey,” James nudged his shoulder to get him to look up, “I promise. Reg, I’d never.” Regulus shot a small smile at him.

“Okay, I never said anything.” Regulus claimed. ‘Oh, but you didn’t have to, your eyes always tell me everything’. James had to resist the urge to tell Regulus his thoughts, he had enough self awareness to know it’d be a weird thing to say.

“Just making sure.” James lied. A man across the street standing in front of a bar wailed, causing Regulus to jump. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. He’s just cheering, I think they’re watching a quidditch rerun.” James comforted, pressing his shoulder to Regulus’, revelling in his instantaneous relaxation.

“I know, I’m fine.” Regulus swore.

“What’s bugging you?” James slowed them to a stop, holding onto Regulus’ shoulders.

“There’s so many people but at the same time there aren't enough people. It’s unsettling. Plus, I’ve never been here before.” Regulus answered.

“I promise it’s safe.”

“I know. I believe you. I might just be a bit anxious for a while, it’ll pass.” The man at the bar yelled again and Regulus grabbed onto James’ hand. He immediately went to pull away, “I’m sorry, I just got jumpy.” Regulus apologised.

James picked back up his hand, “Would it make you feel better to be closer to me right now?” James asked, pulling himself and Regulus to a stop.

“A little. But, it’s fine James.” Regulus admitted.

James interlocked their fingers, pulling Regulus along. “Come on, my favourite burger place is right around the corner.” James smiled at him. The cold must be getting to him, his cheeks are tainted red. “Are you cold?” James asked, taking off his scarf.

“No, I’m fine.” Regulus avoided James’ eyes.

“Your cheeks are red.” James commented.

Regulus’ eyes widened, “Yes, now that you’re mentioning it, I'm freezing.” Regulus smiled awkwardly.

James’ brows furrowed in concern, “Do you want to go home?”

“No, let’s get food first. I’m hungry.” Regulus commented, James stopped him to wrap his scarf around his neck.

“Are you warm enough? Or do you want my jumper too?” James asked, adjusting the scarf.

“This is fine.” Regulus said, eyeing the floor while biting into his lip harshly.

James cupped Regulus’ chin with his free hand, using the pad of his thumb to gently tug his lip from between his teeth. “That’s a horrible habit, Reg.” Regulus’ cheeks burned a vibrant red. Maybe he’s still cold?

“Okay.” Regulus acknowledged before walking off towards the store, James trailing behind him by their joined hands. Regulus’ hand was cold even after being in James’. James fought the urge to hold him in his arms until he was warm. They walked the rest of the walk in silence.

Regulus isn’t one for touch,James knows that. If anything he loathes it, but he’s keeping himself close to James, barely letting him go to the counter alone. James can tell he doesn’t like it out here, it’s too unfamiliar to him and it’s dark. James is trying to hurry along the process to get them somewhere Regulus feels more at peace. He hates seeing him so agitated.

“Reg, you okay?” James asked, wanting to pick Regulus’ hand back up. They stopped holding hands once they got to the store.

“Yes, like I’ve said the last 50 times you’ve asked. I’m fine, James.” Regulus swore but his eyes still shot around the street.

“What’s bothering you? Is it still the people thing?” James persisted.

“I don’t know, I just don’t like it.” Regulus stated, avoiding James’ eyes.

“How can I help?” James stepped in closer to Regulus.

“I don’t know.” Regulus shuffled closer to James as if he was being pulled to him. James opened his arms to him. “What are you doing?” Regulus raised his eyebrows at him, his voice attempting its usual coldness. The cold must be throwing him off.

“Offering you a hug.” James stated, though it sounded more like a question.

“Why? We don’t do that.” Regulus’ voice shook.

“Well, we could start doing it.” James started to put his arms down, judging off the hesitance in Regulus’ eyes. One of the men in the store had been eyeing them since they’d walked in, Regulus only just seemed to notice the man, looking up at him and his eyes widening.

“James, there’s someone staring at us.” Regulus alerted.

“I know, he’s been staring since we got here.”

“What? James, I’m not hungry anymore. Let’s go.” Regulus demanded.

“Reg, we already paid. It’s fine, he’s just some random. Don’t worry, I promise you it’s fine.” James assured.

“He’s still looking.” Regulus stepped in closer to James.

“I know. Don’t look back.” James pulled Regulus’ gaze to him, holding onto his chin, turning his face to him. Regulus’ cheeks reddened.

“I don’t like this.” Regulus stepped in even close to James.

“Reggie, it’s ok-” James was cut off by Regulus’ arms wrapping around his waist. James softly put his arms around him, holding him tight, keeping him close. “It’s okay. You’re alright.” James promised, rubbing his hand up and down Regulus’ back.

“S'il vous plaît. S'il vous plaît ne lâchez pas. S'il vous plaît Jamie. Je suis désolé, je n'aime pas ça ici. Je veux me plaire ici. Vous vous plaisez ici. Je parie que Sirius le ferait. Pouvez-vous emmener Sirius ici ? Il serait de meilleure compagnie.” Regulus rambled on, pushing his face to James’ coat. He was shaking. James wanted to apparate them home immediately. “S'il vous plaît, s'il vous plaît, s'il vous plaît, s'il vous plaît.” He kept repeating.

The person behind the counter called out their order. “Reg, I have to go get that. Then we can go straight home.” Regulus slowly let go of James, turning away from him and wiping at his face. Was he crying? James quickly went over and got their order, slipping back quickly over to Regulus and interlocking their fingers, pulling him out of the store. James walked them down the street to the point they apparate to as quick as he could. James was acutely aware of the man from the store trailing behind them. Regulus seemed to be far too aware of it, his eyes blown wide, his grip on James’ hand tight.

“James… he’s-”

“I know, I know, it’s okay.” James Assured. James turned the corner to the corner they’d apparted from. He heard the guy behind them pick up his pace, Regulus looked like he was about to pass out. James grabbed out his wand, apparating them as quickly as he could. He wasn’t exactly aware of where he was taking them, his intention was just somewhere Regulus felt safe.

It took James a moment to Register they were in the greenhouse. Regulus seemed to visibly relax at the sight, his hand dropping James’. “Give me a minute.” Regulus walked outside the greenhouse to get some air. James felt horrible. He didn’t really understand what Regulus was feeling or why it had that effect on him but James felt horrible knowing he’s the reason he was feeling whatever it was he was feeling. He’d meant to take him somewhere nice that he liked, thinking Regulus would like it too. Merlin, he feels like an asshole. He doesn’t know whether to just leave Regulus to be on his own or stick around and apologise.

Regulus walked back in and cut off his thoughts, “Reg, look, I’m so-”

“No. Don’t. Seriously, don’t. I don’t want a sorry you didn’t do anything that deserves an apology.” Regulus reassured.

“I shouldn’t have taken you there… or at least should’ve left when you looked uncomfortable.” James wanted to reach out and hold him again.

“Can we just eat and forget this?” Regulus asked.

“Sure but-”

“Okay, good.” Regulus snatched the food from his hand, walking up the steps to the top look of the greenhouse. James followed after him. Regulus sat down by the windows. The moon shone through, reflecting off the petal of a Cordyline Fruticosa Firestorm, bathing Regulus’ skin in a maroon hue.

“Reg-”

“Are you going to apologise again?” Regulus raised his eyebrows at him.

“Yes but-”

“No. I want to move on.” Regulus cut him off.

“Okay, uh- Where were you all day? I checked the greenhouse, you weren’t here.” James asked.

“I was with Dotti.”

“Dotti? Like, our house elf?” James questioned.

“Yeah, I was helping her out for the day. She’s quite lovely.” Regulus commented.

“I didn’t realise you hung out with her.” James said, confusion laced in his tone.

“Yeah, all the time. She reminds me of someone I used to know.” Regulus explained.

“Were they a house elf too?” James joked.

“Yes actually.” Regulus said, humourless.

“What?”

“His name was Kreacher. He was our house elf and he was very enjoyable to be around.” Regulus stated as if a house elf was normal company.

“Sirius told me about him, said he was a dick.” James added.

“Oh, he would think that. Kreacher didn’t like Sirius. Too obnoxious. Kreacher liked his company tame, not insane like Siri.” Regulus smiled fondly.

“Where’s Kreacher now?” James asked.

Regulus’ eyes darkened, “I’d imagine still there, seeing I can’t give him a sock anymore.”

“Oh… I’m sorry-”

“Can you stop apologising? Especially for things you can’t control.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Can you tell me what happened back there?” James pleaded, concern etched in his voice.

“It was just a small panic attack, nothing serious.” Regulus waved off.

“My cousin used to have those, they’re very serious. Why didn’t you tell me? Reg, if I would’ve known, I would’ve got us here immediately.”

“I thought you knew and just didn’t care.” Regulus said it as if it didn’t matter, as if what he’d just said wasn’t the most heart crushing thing to ever be said.

“What- Reg, of course I didn’t know. Reggie, I swear to you if I'd known I would’ve taken you out of there in seconds.” James swore.

“If you didn’t know, why’d you keep letting me touch you?” Regulus looked up at James.

“Because you looked like you needed it and I wanted you to feel safe and for some reason I made you feel safe… even though you actively thought I was willingly hurting you.” James winced at the realisation.

“Stop feeling bad about this.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“I can’t help it. Reg, you thought I was sitting there, watching you in pain and just carrying on with my own enjoyment. I can’t not feel bad.” James wrapped up his food, suddenly not hungry anymore. Regulus followed in suit.

“What’ll make you not feel bad?”

“I don’t know. I just want you to be okay.” James answered sincerely.

“I am okay, can you relax now.” Regulus asked.

“Does it happen a lot?”

“Does what, ‘happen a lot’?”

“The panic attacks.” James clarified.

“More than I’d like.” Regulus admitted.

“Does it ever happen when you’re alone?” James moved closer to Regulus, just wanting to be near him.

“Yeah, sometimes.”

“Is it better alone? Or is it better to have someone there?”

“Depends on the person.”

“Me?”

“You didn’t even know what was happening and you helped. So, yeah, I guess you.” Regulus said, pressing his knee to James’.

“Me, Sirius and our friends are going to a party next week… you’ll be here alone… I don’t want you alone. I know you probably wouldn’t like a party but… I’d prefer it if you were with me. You could bring your lot with you too.” James added, placing his hand on Regulus’ knee.

“I think they’d enjoy that.”

“Would you?”

“Si tu es là, mon soleil. I would.” Regulus spoke, staring at James’ hand on his knee.

“What’d you say?” James asked.

“I called you a dim witted frog.” Regulus smirked.

Notes:

TRANSLATION!:

S'il vous plaît. S'il vous plaît ne lâchez pas. S'il vous plaît Jamie. Je suis désolé, je n'aime pas ça ici. Je veux me plaire ici. Vous vous plaisez ici. Je parie que Sirius le ferait. Pouvez-vous emmener Sirius ici ? Il serait de meilleure compagnie. : Please. Please don't let go. Please Jamie. I'm sorry, I don't like it here. I want to enjoy myself here. You like it here. I bet Sirius would. Can you bring Sirius here? He would be better company.

 

S'il vous plaît : please

 

Si tu es là, mon soleil. : If you are there, my sunshine.

Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Summary:

that one scene from s3 stranger things where el and max shop- that but black brothers

Notes:

yall this chapters uneditted and very shit BUT WE'LL IGNORE THAT

 

STEPHEN SANCHEZ PUT OUT EVANGELINE AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL

Regulus~

 

Regulus woke up to Sirius hitting him with a pillow. So, of course the only natural reaction to this was kicking him in the groin and laughing when he doubled over.

“You’re horrible.” Sirius said, sitting up next to Regulus.

“Thank you. What do you want?” Regulus smiled smugly.

“James tells me you’re coming with us tomorrow night, that true?” Sirius laid out on Regulus’ bed, making himself comfortable.

“Yeah, why?”

“You don’t like parties, I remember. Why are you coming?” Sirius looked up at him with knowing eyes, though also missing the point completely.

“James asked me to come and I figured I’d thank him for helping me with this girl-” Regulus stopped himself, realising his mistake. Merlin, he’d gotten away without Sirius clocking his mistake with the whole “girl” thing for a few weeks, just for him to fuck up now.

“So, are you finally going to tell me who this guy is? That’s why you didn’t tell me who ‘she’ was, right?” Sirius put over dramatic finger quotes around the word ‘she’.

“...Partially? It doesn’t matter.” Regulus couldn’t believe he’d gotten away with that.

“Whatever. Anyways, since you’re coming with us to the party, I figured we’d need to go shopping.” Sirius stated as if it was obvious.

“Why would I need to do that? My clothes are perfectly fine.” Regulus defended.

“Not for a muggle party, they aren’t.” Sirius brushed off.

“What? Muggle party? Why the fuck are we going to a muggle party? How’d you even get invited?” Regulus questioned, shocked at how James could just leave this out.

“Well, technically we weren’t really invited… Mary was, we’re her plus-.... Plus fives. Well, you and your lot are coming so… plus tens.” Sirius smiled widely.

“This is ridiculous.” Regulus rolled his eyes dramatically. “Fine, I’ll shop with you.”

“Thank Merlin. You’re wearing my clothes to the shops, no way in hell are we going to muggle London with you dressed like you.” Sirius rolled his eyes, pegging a pair of flared black jeans and a white tight fitted cropped t-shirt with an obscure print on it.

“It’s cold outside.” Regulus noted.

“It's a long sleeve.” Sirius combatted.

“Can’t you give me a jacket or something?”

“No, now hurry up.” Sirius rolled his eyes, leaving the door wide open as he left.

Sirius’ clothes weren’t ugly, they just weren’t what Regulus was comfortable in. He didn’t see anything wrong with his wizarding robes and clothes. Obviously, they wouldn’t fit well into a muggle party but did he really need to wear this stuff? It didn’t feel like him. The cropped clothing fit Sirius, the tight shirts fit Sirius, the flared jeans fit Sirius. It felt foreign on him, it didn’t feel like it was him. If all muggle clothes were like this, he wants nothing to do with them.

Walking down to the main area of the house (which everyone had decided to be in for some reason, if not purely to spite Regulus) had him feeling self conscious, which isn’t something he usually feels about his appearance. Regulus isn’t the pinnacle of self-love, he’s just never let himself think on his physical appearance long enough to begin to loathe it. He loathes enough things about himself - he doesn’t need to add his body to that. But, he’s also just never given himself the space or time to evaluate it. He knew what clothing he liked and what clothing fit him, moving outside of that zone of comfort has given him both far too much time and space to evaluate.

“Regulus- you’re- you look- are those- are those Sirius’ clothes?” James stuttered, red faced, the second Regulus came into view. James looked sick, was it really that bad?

“Yeah, I’m borrowing them seeing as someone decided to leave out the fact this was a mug-” Sirius ran over and put his hand over Regulus’ mouth. Euphemia quirked her eyebrow at them.

“I’m forcing him to go muggle clothes shopping with me! That’s what he means.” Sirius smiled fakely. James nodded hastily next to him, throwing fake smiles to his parents. “We’ve got to go! We’ll see you all later.” Sirius waved to all of them before pushing Regulus out of the room, not letting anyone ask or say anything. Sirius kept his hand over his mouth until they were fully out of the manor.

“What the fuck?” Regulus asked, pushing him into a pillar the second they got to the front veranda.

“You almost blabbed to Effy and Monty that we were going to a muggle party.” Sirius stressed.

“They don’t know?!” Sirius rushed to cover his mouth again but Regulus batted away his hands, leaving them in a childish cat fight. “Stop it, you moron.” Regulus pushed him away. “I’m not going if Effy and Monty don’t know.” Regulus ended.

“Come on, don’t be boring.” Sirius whined.

“Siri, I’m not pushing buttons that are better unpushed.” Regulus reasoned.

“What does that even mean?” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“It means they’ve allowed us to stay with them, I’m not going to sit here pushing at their buttons, testing how long till they break.” Regulus explained.

“That's- That’d never happen. Come on, Reggie.” Sirius pleaded. “You never do anything with me, just come with us.”

“Tell Effy and Monty.” Regulus bargained.

“Fine, later. For now, let’s go shopping.” Sirius dragged on Regulus’ arms, mischief in his eyes. Regulus knew he was lying but he’d let himself believe it was the truth because he really did want to go.

 

—----------------------------------------------

 

They’d been walking around muggle London for 2 hours, it’d been torturous. Sirius has seemed to have forgotten they were shopping for Regulus because he’s been in and out of changing rooms in every store he claimed would be more ‘Regulus’ speed’. Regulus has tried on two items. Both times he overestimated how it’d fit on him and was too embarrassed to admit he didn’t understand the sizing metric of muggles. The whole situation didn’t bother him nearly as much as he wanted it to. Sirius was happy and for some reason that made the whole thing less horrible. Don’t misunderstand - it was still horrible.

“Sirius, are we done yet?” Regulus asked, surprisingly for the first time of the day.

“What? We haven’t gotten you anything yet.” Sirius answered confused.

“I’ll just wear something of yours. I’m tired.” Regulus supplied.

“No, we need to find you your own style.”

“Well, can we hurry with it?” Regulus whined.

“Fine.” Sirius dramatically rolled his eyes. “Let's start you off with a band-tee.” Sirius decided.

“A band-tee?” Regulus scrunched his brows together.

“It’s just a normal shirt that has your favourite band on it.” Sirius answered casually, it was not a casual matter.

“I don’t have a favourite muggle band. I don’t even know any muggle bands and I doubt they’d have any wizarding bands, not that I know any of those either. We both know Mother never let us listen to anything that wasn’t of the standard of ‘La Chorale Du Calico Coven Capella’. So unless they happen to have a ‘band-tee’ of that, then I don’t think I’ll get one.” Regulus waved off.

“You’ve never heard muggle music?” Sirius sounded appalled.

“Why would I?”

“Because- Because It’s amazing?! You’ve never heard a Bowie song?” Regulus shook his head no. “The Beatles?” Regulus shook his head again. “Queen? Dolly Parton? Elton John? Marvin Gaye? Kiss? ACDC? Elvis? Jimi Hendrix? Billy Joel?” Sirius listed, getting more and more appalled with each one. “None of them?!”

“Nope.” Regulus stated calmly.

“We can’t have that. We simply can not! How are you even breathing?” Sirius threw his hands up dramatically.

“I ask myself that daily.” Regulus smiled humorlessly.

“We’re taking you to a record shop, immediately.” Sirius decided.

“Why?” Regulus sighed exasperatedly.

“We need to educate you, Regulus!” Sirius screamed, though it was more on the side of a demonic screech. Regulus threw his head back dramatically, though following his brother to the nearest record store. Sirius walked them into a store called ‘The HMV shop’, it was filled with muggles wearing colourful clothes, most of them with a suit jacket thrown on top of a clash of colours. It wasn’t somewhere Regulus would go, but it really did feel like his brother's place. A song was playing over the speakers but it really just sounded like noise, too much noise.

“So, how do we start this?” Regulus asked, not sure of his place there.

“Oh! Let’s start with Bowie. Merlin, Moony loves Bowie. He’s convinced he’s a wizard. You’ll love him!” Sirius excitedly pulled him over to a vinyl player and ran over to a section leaving Regulus standing alone by the player. Regulus knew he looked strange, muggle men looked him up and down - probably confused on what he was doing there. One of them winked at him, he wasn’t sure if that was a muggle intimidation tactic but it definitely worked. “Okay! I’ve gotten my favourite Bowie album! It’s a tester so we’re allowed to play it, put those headphones on. Get ready for your mind to be blown! It’s my favourite Bowie song, it’s called Moonage Daydream.” Regulus couldn’t help but laugh at the obvious obsession his brother had with Lupin.

The song kicked off very fast (though maybe that’s how all muggle songs were) the man was singing about being an alligator? A space invader? He was swearing by line three, Regulus was very shocked by that. Regulus could understand how it could be enjoyable, the rhythm was fun but he didn’t understand the lyrics. He hated not understanding. Sirius looked so excited. Regulus has never shied from disappointing those around him before, why start now? He took the earphones off midway through the second half of the song.

“Why’d you take it off?” Sirius questioned immediately.

“I don’t think they’re my type of music… maybe something else?” Regulus smiled awkwardly.

“Seriously? But- It’s Bowie? How could you not-” Sirius ranted on like a broken record, Regulus tuned him out when the next song playing over the speaker switched on. It started off quickly, the second the last song ended - it started. No instrumental to ease you in, just words. Regulus didn’t catch the first words, so he listened closely for the next. There was a small break filled with a piano riff that Regulus pocketed away to his memory to try out later. ‘I am forever searching high and low. But why does everybody tell me no?’ the man over the speaker sang. Regulus understood the lyrics, he liked the lyrics. They made him want to sit and think about them, he loved things like that. Regulus' attention was pulled back to the song as the rhythm picked up and the man began to sing ‘Messenger from Seven Seas has flown, to tell the king of Rhye he’s lost his throne.’ Regulus didn’t understand that part but he wanted to.

He turned to his brother who was still ranting in shock about him not enjoying the band he’d just shown him. “Okay, okay, I get it. You’re shocked I don’t like your band but-”

“Band?! Band?! Regulus- I- I can’t believe you right now.” Sirius huffed in disappointment.

“I know, I know. I don’t care. Who sang that song that just played?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t hear it. Wait- why? Did you like it? Did you find something you like?!” Sirius questioned excitedly.

“I guess? It was nice.” Regulus agreed. Sirius grabbed onto his arm and dragged him over to the counter.

“Hi!” He greeted the muggle behind the desk, who looked rather tired.

“Hello?” The dark haired person looked up at them, they had metal piercings on the bridge of their nose.

“My brother here - mind you he’s a bit musically obtuse.” The person behind the desk huffed a laugh, leaning in closer over the desk to Sirius. “But the last song you played he really enjoyed - I didn’t hear it because I was too busy being utterly perplexed by him not understanding Bowie. BOWIE!” Sirius stressed, while the person behind the counter giggled softly. “But he really liked it. Mind if I grab the name off you?” Sirius smirked. The person behind the counter giggled, again. It took Regulus a minute to realise they were flirting, once he’d realised he longed to go back to moments before when he was still in ignorant bliss (well… more ignorant uncomfortability but that’s better than knowing uncomfortability).

“Well, the last song I played was ‘Lily Of The Valley’ by queen-” Sirius cut the person off, clicking his fingers in their face dramatically.

“QUEEN! Yes! Some taste! My brother has taste! This is brilliant! Personally I’m not the biggest Queen fan but it’s better than ABBA - don’t tell Pete I said that-” Sirius threw a quick thank you to the person behind the desk before pulling Regulus off to the vinyl player again. “Stay here while I pack Ziggy Stardust away, I’ll bring Sheer Heart Attack back with me.”

“How do you remember their names?” Regulus asked.

“Oh, well that’s James’ second favourite album. He’s a big Queen fan, not surprised you are too, you’re around him too much.” Sirius rolled his eyes before skidding between rows of vinyls casually as if he didn’t just throw the biggest bombshell at Regulus. James likes it too. Sirius isn’t surprised Regulus likes the things James likes. Merlin, it’s stupid, trivial things like this that keep him up at night. Sirius ran back with another vinyl, “Okay! Wanna just listen from the start?”

“What’s James’ favourite?” Regulus asked.

“It’s a toss up between ‘Killer Queen’ and ‘She Makes Me’.” Sirius answered. Just the sound of ‘She Makes Me’ hurts.

“Play ‘Killer Queen’.” Regulus decided. Sirius excitedly flipped it on, playing with the knobs on the vinyl player. Regulus put on the headphones, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting but it definitely wasn’t this. This is cool. Not something he’d imagine James listening to. The song was addictive, he wanted to keep it on repeat - playing non-stop. But eventually it stopped and Sirius took his headphones off him. “I wasn’t finished.” Regulus complained.

“You like them?”

“Clearly.” Regulus reached to take the headphones back off him.

“Okay, cool. Come on.” Sirius put the tester vinyl away and dragged Regulus through the aisles of records. He picked up 4 records and pulled Regulus to the line at the counter.

“Sirius, what are you doing?”

“Buying you your first records. Oh, you’re gonna love this one! It’s really new too, only came out a few months back.” Sirius smiled widely at him.

“What if I don’t like them all? It’d be a waste.” Regulus reasoned.

“Well obviously you're not going to like every single record you buy, it’s all about testing. Experimenting, Reggie. Give it a try.” Sirius bumped his shoulder with his own.

“I don’t have a record player.”

“I have two, take one.” Sirius silenced him while he paid for the records, the person behind the desk shamelessly flirting with him. Sirius excitedly pulled them out of the record store and on to the nearest clothing store. “Okay, time to build your style around it! Seeing as you refuse to come up with your own.” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“I don’t refuse. Everything’s just too- I don’t want to say too colourful. I sound like a loser when I say that.” Regulus whined.

“But that’s what it is? The colours? I get that, a lot of my clothes are just black and white. You know, if you’d just said that we could’ve gotten this over with quickerrrrr.” Sirius sang.

“Okay, well I’m saying it now. I want less colourful stores.” Regulus decided. Sirius nodded, pulling Regulus across the street with no care for the cars flying past them. He pulled them both into a monochromic store with a weird name.

“This is where you’d find less colours.” Sirius said proudly as if it was his store. He wasn’t wrong, there were barely any pops of colour in the store. Honestly, it looked like a place where rainbows and people like Pandora would simply die.

“I don’t know if this is what I meant, Siri.” Regulus eyed the scary person behind the desk.

“Come on, you’ve got more of a chance here than you do in the other places. I’ll help you look.” Sirius looped his arm through Regulus’ the way Dorcas does and pulled him further into the store. “Okay, so what should I be looking out for?” Sirius asked, touching every piece of clothing they walked past.

“What do you mean?”

“Like, what kind of clothes do you want? Sweater vests? Flared jeans? Skinny jeans? Button ups? Suit jackets? Corsets? Patterns? Words? Drawings? What are you looking for?” Sirius listed.

“Well- I don’t know? I guess, the muggles seem to really like suit jackets. I’ll try that. I don’t hate these jeans but I hate the top.” Sirius made an offended scoff noise. “I don’t think I want any words, drawings or patterns. It feels juvenile. Also, I think Mother would murder us both if you put me in a corset.” Regulus noted, making Sirius bark out a laugh.

“All the more reason to try it.” Sirius laughed.

“Let’s just stick to something basic first.” Regulus decided.

“Alright, let’s get you some jeans that actually fit you right and go from there.” Sirius decided, pulling Regulus along through aisles and aisles of clothing.

 

—---------------------------------------------------------------

 

They’d been in the store for almost an hour, Sirius wouldn’t let them leave until Regulus had at least three outfits. He now had 6. They were nice though, muggles made nice clothing when it wasn’t scalding your eyes with polychromatic patterns. They were now at a tea shop on the corner of a busy road. Regulus didn’t realise how oddly pretty muggle London would be, he liked the busyness. No one seemed all that interested in him because they were all too busy. He liked that. Sirius on the other hand did get a lot of attention, every store they went into at least one person would look him up and down. His brother was just far more eye-catching and he liked being that way. He revelled in their attention, he always has. Even the teashop they’re at now, it’s overrun with busy bodies running out of time but the waitress still stops to give all her attention to Sirius’ order, as if he’s telling her a riveting story. Sirius notices they’re flirting with him but he never seems to care.

The waitress finally walked away and Sirius turned to him, “She was nice.” He declared.

“Yeah, because she wanted to shag you.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Sucks for her, Mother raised a couple of queers.” Sirius laughed.

“One more stupid than the other.” Regulus added.

“That one being you?” Sirius quipped.

“No, I think it’s more the one who’s so oblivious to his own love life that he's convinced himself two clearly romantically incompatible friends are shagging.” Regulus noted.

“Can you stop bringing them up?”

Regulus stopped and pulled an overdramatic thinking face, “Hmmm… not until you stop being a Moron.” Sirius rolled his eyes at Regulus’ delivery.

“I don’t understand why you don’t believe me. They’re dating, Reg.” Sirius stressed.

“No, they aren’t.”

“Yes, they are.”

“No, they aren’t”

“Yes, they are.”

“No, they aren’t.”

“Give me one reason to believe that.” Sirius brushed off, trying to hide his hurt.

“...Well, I’m not supposed to tell you this but-”

 

“You’re egging me on, I can tell you’re about to.” Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Can I finish or are you just going to keep opening your yap?” Regulus glared at him.

“Go on, not that it’s of any worth.” Sirius looked down at his nails, playing up the uninterested facade.

“Sure, not of any worth. I’m not supposed to tell you but Remus practically begged me to get you to ask him out.” Sirius’ eyes blew wide.

“You’re lying.” Sirius glared.

“For what reason?”

“You’re taking the piss and it isn’t even funny.”

“Again, why would I do that?” Regulus challenged.

“Stop it, he didn’t.” Sirius debated with himself. “He wouldn't. If he wanted to, he would've just asked me. Wouldn’t he have just asked me?” Sirius asked.

“He had some weird reasoning about not wanting to feel like he forced you, or some shit.” Regulus drank his coffee uninterestedly, as if he wasn’t going to floo call Dorcas the second he got home.

“Why would you not tell me this? What the fuck, Reg? This changes everything! You realise this changes everything, right?!” Sirius stood up, snatching all their bags from around them and pulling Regulus up with him.

“Are you finally becoming aware or is this a repeat of a few weeks back? You going to think he’s shagging Peter this time?” Regulus laughed as Sirius hastily pulled them both to an alleyway to apparate them back to the manor.

“Shut up. I will hex you and you can’t defend yourself because you’re 16.” Sirius threatened, though it fell short when he’s literally tailoring around a shit tonne of shopping bags. SIrius apparated them to Regulus’ room, dropping everything in there and immediately going through his bags to find something to wear.

“Is this really necessary? You already know he likes you. Do you really need to dress up for this?” Sirius threw a pair of jeans at Regulus.

“Shut up. Please. Shut up.” Sirius chanted.

“I’m just saying, you’re wasting your time.” Regulus noted.

“You’re no help, this is horrible horrible help.” Sirius grabbed his bags and stormed out to his room. Regulus couldn’t help but laugh knowing he probably would still be in there freaking out over Lupin all night.

 

—---------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sirius~

It’s been four hours. Four fucking hours. He still can’t find a single thing to wear, he’s gone through his, Effy’s and James’ closets. Merlin, he even went through Monty’s closet and he has a horrible case of Dad-taste. Everything he put on felt overdone and he felt like he was on fire. If Regulus wasn’t fucking with him then it meant by the end of today it’d be him and Remus. That was terrifying.

Maybe that was the problem, it was the end of the day. That has to mean something, right? Like, it was burn out hours, or something. It was almost 12, maybe going to Remus at midnight would be good luck because it’s the start of the day. Sirius decided he’d go with that, wait out in his room till 12am then apparate to Remus.

A knock on the door cut off his thoughts, “Padfoot? Can I come in?” Remus asked through the door.

SIrius was going to murder Regulus.

“Uh- One second! Don’t come in!” Sirius yelled.

“Okay, I’m coming in?”

“No- I said-” Remus cut him off, stepping into the room.

“Regulus invited me… told me you weren’t feeling okay… what’s with the clothes on the floor and why are you wearing a tiara?” Remus asked while picking up some of the clothes.

“I don’t know what you mean, this is perfectly normal.” Sirius defended.

“Hmm, yeah… very.” Remus sighed, sitting down on the spot on the floor he cleared. “Where’d you even get a tiara from?” Remus smiled fondly.

“My cupboard.” Sirius answered, scotting in closer to Remus.

“Right, of course.” Remus chuckled softly. “Alright, what’s going on?” Remus pressed his knee to Sirius’.

“I don’t know.” Sirius lied, adjusting his tiara.

“Okay, let’s start with why there are so many clothes on the floor.” Remus prompted.

“I was trying to pick an outfit.”

“For what?”

“To go see you.”

“Oh… what’s wrong with the one you have on now? Minus the tiara.” Remus smiled.

“I like the tiara.” SIrius argued.

“Where’d you get the dress top from, though?” Remus asked.

“You don’t like it?”

“No, I do. I’ve just never seen you in it before. I do like it.” Remus assured.

“I bought it today with Reggie. We went shopping.” Remus’ eyes blew wide/

“Just you and Reg?” Sirius nodded. “Did something… happen, while you were there?”

“I guess.” Sirius agreed.

“And you needed to see me? Why?” Remus questioned, eyes alert.

“I don’t know.” Sirius lied.

“Okay, let’s talk about it tomorrow. For now, let’s get off the floor. Also, you should probably sleep.” Remus said, helping Sirius up. Sirius stopped them, holding onto Remus’ arms.

“I don’t wanna sleep yet… I can’t sleep, not yet. I need to tell you something or I won’t be able to sleep.” Sirius confided.

“Okay, but I’m not standing here while you do it.” Remus walked them both back to the bed, sitting opposite of Sirius, knees touching. “Alright, shoot.”

“Do you remember when I dated Mary?” Sirius asked.

“Wow, that is not where I saw this going- but yes, I do.” Remus admitted.

“But you like, you really, really remember?” Sirius clarified.

“Yes, 5th year. You both claimed to be gayer the second it ended.” Remus joked.

“But, do you remember when I used to tell you about her? Like- Do you remember the things I used to say about her?” Sirius asked, urgency in his eyes.

“Yeah… I remember it all.” Remus’ smile dropped. “But, you told me you didn’t mean any of it… that you were just lying to cover who you were.”

“No… I meant it… all of it.” Sirius admitted.

“Oh.” Remus clenched his jaw. “So, you want to get back together with her?”

“No? You’ve misunderstood…”

“Then explain it.” Remus demanded, his tone hurt.

“I meant it… every word, Moony. Every single word I ever said about her, it took everything in me not to say your name.”

“What?” Remus’ gaze shot around Sirius’ face, looking for a tell.

“Reggie told me that you asked about me… I clearly didn’t know how to handle that.”

“You like me? I mean I knew that but I want to hear you say it.” Remus admitted.

“You only like me?” Sirius looked up at him, fear laced in his tone.

“What?”

“It’s just- I guess I thought you loved me? Because we loved each other as friends, I didn’t realise it was meant to drop down to like when it became romantic… guess I missed the memo.” Sirius’ view became watercoloured. He felt stupid.

Remus moved in closer to Sirius, cupping his face with his hands, “I do love you. I wouldn’t do everything I’ve been doing if I didn’t love you.” Remus confessed, pulling Sirius into his arms.

“You knocked my tiara off.” Sirius laughed into Remus’ chest, snaking his arms around his waist.

“We’ll pick it up tomorrow.” Remus dismissed.

“So, you’re staying?” Sirius looked up at him from his arms. Remus leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

“Of course.”

Notes:

GO STREAM EVANGELINE BY STEPHEN SANCHEZ THAT SHIT HAD ME BAWLING

Chapter 11: Chapter 11

Summary:

beer tastes like piss

Notes:

HI THIS CHAPTERS UNEDITTED AND EXTREMELY SMALL AND EXTREMELY SHIT do me a favour and ignore that <3

 

!!!!!!!!!!TW!!!!!!!!!!!!: underage drinking, underage smoking, harrassment

Regulus~

Regulus had never been to a muggle party before, he was certain he’d stick out like a sore thumb. He, Sirius, James, Peter and Remus all got to the party before anyone else, seeing as they needed Mary to get in, they waited at a park down the street they all agreed to meet at. Regulus was right nervous, Sirius had convinced him into yet another cropped top, this time though it was more Regulus’ style - black cropped turtleneck. He wore a brown suit jacket over it with brown flared jeans, Peter convinced him into chucking a loose tie on because apparently “A tie completes every outfit.” Regulus looked like a prep school reject but James said he looked nice so of course he didn’t change.

Evan, Pandora and Amos showed up first, all dressed in muggle clothes. Regulus felt like he’d step into some weird vortex, seeing his friends (sans Amos) in muggle clothes. Amos and Evan were holding hands awkwardly, Pandora seemed upset. Regulus went to Pandora first.

“Alright, Rosier?” Regulus asked, wrapping his arms around them.

“I’m okay.” Pandora lied, shooting side eyes to Evan.

Regulus looped his arm through theirs, pulling them along to where he and Peter were sitting, whispering to them on the way there, “What’d he do?”

“He’s fucking fake dating Amos.” Pandora whispered, rolling their eyes. They took a seat next to Peter. Evan and Amos just stood there awkwardly. The whole situation felt horribly uncomfortable. It didn’t help that Dorcas, Barty and Elias showed up mere seconds later, Barty and Elias hand in hand. Evan’s jaw clenched, staring daggers at Elias.

Pandora, the trouble maker they are, got up and hugged Barty and Dorcas. Dorcas was glaring at Evan and Amos, if looks could kill, they’d both be on their way to the gates of hell. From then until Mary and the girls showed up, everyone sat in complete silence. At one point Peter attempted to make conversation but Barty just glared at him. On the walk up to the party Mary and Sirius picked the energy back up, yelling loudly to each other about some man Jean-Paul Gaultier and his cats walk. It was very weird, the whole night had been weird.

The guy at the door didn’t even ask if they were invited (Regulus was expecting to at least have to give him a hand written letter) he just looked at Macdonald and let them all in. If that was strange - the inside was a hundred percent stranger. Drunk and probably high muggles were jumping around dancing to some man on the speakers screaming about there being a long way to the top to ‘rock and roll’. Some people were just standing in the corners passing around cigarettes. Some drunk man stood atop the stairs, spinning in circles while holding a mirrorball.

Sirius grabbed onto Regulus’ shoulder turning him to face him, “Are you gonna be okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, of course.” Regulus brushed him off.

“Okay, well I’m going to be with Remus. If anything goes wrong - find me or James, Okay?”

“Okay, okay, go.” Regulus rolled his eyes, pushing his brother's hands off of him. “Godrick, you’re overbearing.” Sirius laughed, before running off with Remus through the crowd.

Regulus looked over to his friends, just to see they’d all split up the second they had the chance. Dorcas was by the stairs, drink in hand, leaning against a wall staring down at Marlene. Evan had run off with Amos to the drink table. Barty was awkwardly talking with Elias and a bunch of high Muggles in one of the smoking corners. Regulus hadn’t caught where Lily, Mary, James and Peter had run off to but now it was just him and Dora, standing by the door uncomfortably.

“I only came here for Evan.” Pandora confessed.

“I only came here for Sirius.” Regulus replied.

“Funny how fast they ran off.” Pandora said humorlessly.

“To be fair, we weren’t being all that fun.”

“He’s fake dating Amos, how stupid could he be.” Pandora laced their fingers through Regulus’ pulling him to the nearest seats.

“What’s his excuse?” Regulus asked.

“He says it’s to win the bet but obviously it’s just to get at Barty. Why are they such messes?” Pandora threw themself dramatically down on the empty couch they found.

“Because they’re immature idiots that have convinced themselves they’re mature. I expect no less from them.” Regulus shrugged. “Now for an actual question, why the fuck are there so many people in one house? Is this not illegal?” Regulus complained looking at all the dancing teenagers around them.

“We must look so strange.” Pandora pondered.

“Nah, look at you, you’re as colourful as anyone else here.” Regulus comforted.

“Not our clothes, Reg. We look amazing, I know that.” Pandora waved their hand dramatically. “I was talking more about how we’re sitting on a couch, completely sober, having normal conversations, while everyone around us is dancing happily. We’re at a party acting like we’re at brunch.” Pandora complained.

“So? I quite like brunch.” Regulus smiled.

“Me too but we’re a bit weird looking.”

“Since when does being weird looking bother you?” Regulus knocked their shoulder with his own.

“It doesn’t. I’m not bothered, Reggie.” Pandora lied. “It’s just, well, I guess I want to have fun like all them.” Pandora gestured to all the dancing people around them.

“We could try?” Regulus guessed.

“You don’t really want to, do you?” Pandora raised their eyebrows at him.

“No, I don’t but you do, so let’s try it.”

“If you don’t want to, I’ll just go alone.” Pandora shifted awkwardly.

“We both know you don’t want that. Plus, ‘bout time I stepped out of my comfort zone, right?” Regulus smiled at them softly.

“Are you sure?” Pandora asked, a smile creeping its way to their lips.

“Yeah.” Regulus lied. Pandora’s face lit up, pulling Regulus to his feet and dragging him over to the drink table.

“I watched Evan, he got some red drink from here first.” Pandora informed him.

“Are you sure it wasn’t just a red cup?” Regulus said, picking up one of the plastic cups.

“Oh, frog brains! What do we do now?” Pandora asked.

“Well, we could just not drink anything?” Regulus offered.

“No, it seemed like a vital part of the muggle party experience… how’d Evan know the rules? Is there like a handbook for how to properly party like a muggle?” Pandora asked, fiddling with their sleeves.

“Probably not…” Regulus looked over the shoulder of the nearest dancing muggle to see their cup. “That person’s drinking something yellow? So probably that.” Regulus pointed to the weird contraption holding a yellow liquid in it. “Want to just try that?” Regulus asked.

“Well… it’s worth a try.” Pandora picked up a red cup, moving over to the contraption, “Reggie, how do I use this?” They looked up at him expectantly.

“Well, I’d guess you pull up this little knob thing?” Regulus tried it, making liquid fall all over the floor. “Fuck!” Regulus exclaimed.

A guy that was dancing behind Dora turned around to see what was going on, he was tall - like Remus level tall - and had long ginger hair. “Hey, do you need help with that?” He walked over grabbing the cup off Pandora and filling it for them. “First party?” He shot a smile at Pandora, completely ignoring Regulus.

“Yeah, is this the right drink to drink?” They asked.

“Right drink? There’s not really a set drink to drink, you just grab whatever you like.” He informed, stepping in closer to them, “I’m Dylan.” He smiled, sticking his hand out to Pandora.

“Pandora.” They smiled back.

“Ah, like the box?” Regulus couldn’t help but roll his eyes at his inaccuracy.

“Box? I’m not sure?” Pandora smiled awkwardly.

“Oh, it’s a whole story, I can tell you ‘bout it, if you’d like?” He stepped in closer to them.

“A story? I’d love to.” Pandora smiled softly, stepping in closer to Dylan. “Reggie, wanna come?” They smiled back at him. Dylan stepped in closer to Pandora- Oh Godrick, were they flirting? Have they always been flirting? Is this his cue to leave? Regulus has decided he hates muggle parties.

“Oh no, I’m good but you go ahead.” Regulus felt the urge to stab Dylan in his stupid face.

“Okay! You’ll be okay, though?” Pandora asked softly.

“Yeah, I’ll be alright.” Regulus lied. Pandora’s smile lit up, looping their arm through Dylan’s and pulling him through the crowd.

Regulus stood by the drink table looking around for any familiar faces, obviously finding none. He felt so frustrated. He figured now was a better time than ever to try the yellow drink. Regulus filled his cup to the brim, almost overflowing it because he couldn’t get the contraption to close. Some muggle guy was staring at him from the stairway, Regulus blatantly ignored his looks. Regulus took a sip from his cup and immediately started coughing. Regulus was baffled, muggles drink this for fun? While he was coughing up his drink the muggle boy from the staircase made his way to him.

“Not one for beer, are you?” The boy asked, taking the cup off of Regulus.

“What? I love butterbeer?” Regulus question, whipping at his mouth.

“Butterbeer? I’m not sure what that is but I was talking about the drink in your hand, mate.” The boy laughed, Regulus couldn't help but admire his rather pretty smile.

“It’s disgusting. I understand why it’s yellow.” Regulus remarked.

“Here, try something sweeter.” The boy grabbed Regulus’ cup and made his way to the kitchen - just expecting Regulus to follow. Regulus was curious, so just this once he’d follow. The boy walked Regulus over to this big bowl of pink liquid and dipped his cup into it. Regulus felt like gagging just thinking about all the germs in that thing. “It’s punch, it’s sweeter.” The boy handed the cup to Regulus, “I’m Mason, by the way.” He smiled.

“Regulus.” Regulus answered unfocused, too busy staring at the cup contemplating whether or not to drink it.

“Your name is Regulus?” Mason questioned.

“Yes and yours is Mason.” Regulus replied unenthusiastically.

“I just meant- I’ve never heard a name like that, it’s a bit str- different.” Mason laughed.

“My brother’s name is Sirius.” Regulus added, making Mason bark out a laugh.

“You’re kidding, right?” He laughed.

“Nope.” Regulus shook the cup in his hand watching the colour of the liquid change - he was not drinking that.

“You gonna try it?” Mason asked, stepping in closer to Regulus.

“Eventually.” Regulus lied.

“Well, in the meantime… Do you wanna dance?” Mason asked.

“I’m not a dancer.” Regulus replied dryly - also lying knowing his mother made him and his brother do 12 years of ballet from age 3.

“That’s okay, I’ll teach you.” Mason smiled, stepping far too close to Regulus’ personal space bubble.

“No thanks.” Regulus replied, turning on his heels to leave the room.

Mason grabbed onto his arm, spinning him back around. “Hey, hey, hey, wait. We don’t have to dance but who said we can’t talk?” Mason smiled, still holding onto Regulus’ arm.

“I’m not a talker.” Regulus shrugged him off.

“I’ll talk for you.” Mason pulled Regulus in closer by his arm.

“I’m not a listener.” Regulus plunked Mason’s hand off him, dropping it like it disgusted him.

“Well, I know something that doesn’t require listening or talking.” Mason smirked but it looked more like a snarl. It only clicked then to Regulus that he was hitting on him. He already didn’t like him, now he wants to set him on fire.

“I can assure you, I’m not into that either.” Regulus stepped back from him.

“Oh, I think I can change that.” Mason challenged.

“I hate change.” Regulus deflected.

“I think you’ll like this one.” Mason winked.

“No, I’m not sure I will.” Regulus excused himself from the room, walking back out to the main area. Mason followed him out, walking closely to him. Regulus pretended to not see him and continued to push through the crowd.

Mason pulled on Regulus’ arm turning him around, “Hey, look at that, we’re on the dance floor. Might as well dance while we’re here.” He remarked, stepping in closer to Regulus.

Regulus stepped back away from him, bumping into the person behind him who promptly started yelling. Regulus looked around for an escape, it was all too much. He spotted James alone by the drink table filling up his cup. Regulus pushed through the crowd to him. Regulus grabbed onto James’, startling him, making him drop his drink. James spun around presumably to yell but his eyes softened the second he saw Regulus.

“Hey! I was looking for you a bit ago, where’d you run off to?” James questioned, smiling down at him softly and genuinely - unlike Mason.

“I was um- I was around?” Regulus stuttered, looking around for Mason.

James’ hand grazed his arm, “Hey, are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah… I guess?” Regulus lied.

“What’s up?” James persisted.

“I don’t know… It’s weird.”

“I’ll try to get it.” James promised.

“There’s just this guy…” James’ eyes widened, “He’s following me around and I think he offered to fuck me? I’m not sure. It was weird. He was like- talking in riddles.” Regulus explained.

“Are you okay? Is he near us? Can you see him?” James asked, holding onto Regulus’ arms and scanning the room.

“I’m fine, it was just uncomfortable.” James’ grip tightened. “I think he finally pissed off, though.” Regulus guessed.

“Want me to hex him?” James offered no joke in his tone.

“I’m sure that'll go over well with the ministry.” Regulus remarked, stepping in closer to James.

“Oh yeah, especially with the spells me and Sirius have been making.” James joked, shuffling in closer to Regulus.

“I don’t doubt that.”

“Yeah, we made one that turns your feet into giant frog feet. You think he’d suit frog feet?” James joked.

“Maybe, got anything better?” Regulus challenged.

“Better?” James laughed, “Hmm, well, we have this one that makes their nose hair grow rapidly and wrap around their legs. How’s that one?”

“How do you even think of that?” Regulus laughed.

“Oh, that’s nothing. Pete made one that makes the person think dragon horns just grew off their butt.” Regulus rested his forehead against James’ shoulder, laughing wildly. “Hey Reg, he didn’t give you that drink, did he?” James asked, concern lacing his voice.

“Yeah but it looks gross.” Regulus replied, lifting his head from James’ shoulder.

“Yeah it does.” James grabbed the drink off Regulus and threw it in the bin a few feet away from them.

“Thanks, I was goi- James, that’s him.” Regulus gestured towards the guy walking up to them smiling.

“Reggie, can I hug you?” James asked.

“It’s a bit of a bad time, don’t you think?” Regulus raised his eyebrows at him.

“Ju- just can I?” James stressed.

“Yeah…” Regulus answered, heat rising to his cheeks. James’ hands dropped from his upper arms to his waist, pulling him into him. Regulus rested his head on James’ chest, snaking his arms around the back of James’ neck. Regulus felt like he was on fire where James was touching him.

“Regulus?” Mason’s voice rang in Regulus’ ears.

James’ grip on Regulus’ waist tightened, “Are you that daft? He’s mine, you twat. Piss off and go back to drunkenly crying and jerking yourself off in the bathroom.” James snapped.

“He didn’t tell me he had a boyfriend.” Mason defended.

“He made it quite clear he wanted nothing to do with you. Now again, piss off or I’ll make you.” James threatened. Mason scoffed, saying something about posh boys. James let go of Regulus, pushing him back a little to look at him, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, it’s really not that serious.” Regulus spoke just above a whisper, his cheeks burning “Ne pourriez-vous pas choisir une autre distraction ? Tu me tues mon chéri.”

“What’d you just say?” James asked, cheeks a deep scarlet.

“I was calling him names.” Regulus lied.

“Good, he deserves it… Reg, are you sure you’re okay?” James asked again.

“I’m sure, Jamie.” Regulus promised.

“Jamie?” James reeled back.

“I meant, James. Mind me, I must be drunk.” Regulus lied.

“Wait- you’ve been drinking?” James’ eyes blew wide.

“Potentially.” Regulus lied.

“Reg, you’re 16. Are you drunk? How much have you drunk? What did you drink? You haven’t smoked anything, right?” James pestered.

“What? No. Can you please relax? James, I’m fine. Now if you don’t mind me, I’m off to go find Barty” Regulus decided, turning on his heels leaving James to stress to himself.

 

James ~

 

Life update: James is going insane.

Or, a more accurate statement: Regulus is driving James insane.

James is stuck at the drink table replaying his last interaction in his mind over and over again. A few moments stick out to him: 1) Regulus came to him when he wasn’t feeling okay. 2) Regulus laughed against James’ shoulder. 3) Regulus let James hug him. 4) James called Regulus ‘mine’. 5) James called Regulus ‘mine’ and liked it? Like, a lot more than he should? 6) Regulus called James ‘mon chéri’. 7) Sirius calls Remus ‘mon chéri’. 8) James knows for a FACT that it means ‘my darling’.

James can’t think through a single full thought, his mind is just throwing the image of him with his arms around Regulus’ waist calling him ‘mine’ over and over. It’s driving him crazy. He feels horrible. He liked it. He liked calling Regulus, his. He wanted to say it again, he still wants to. Sirius would kill him if he knew what he was thinking. Merlin, it’s his best friend's little brother and he’s here thinking of his waist. James had to remind himself that it was fake, it was just to get that guy to fuck off.

But what if he could make it real? James could feel his cheeks heating up. Real? Why would he want it to be real? It’s Regulus. Oh, but it’s Regulus. James has never wanted anyone to be his but the thought of Regulus being anything but is hurting his chest. James could practically feel the jigsaw pieces in his mind finding their place. He likes Regulus. He likes Regulus and Sirius is going to murder him for it.

It’s fair to say that James is freaking out. Things like this don’t happen to James, he’s not used to this whole realisation moment. He’s liked the same girl since he was 11, this wasn’t supposed to happen. The only person James knows who knows how to deal with stuff like this is Remus, so that’s exactly who he went to find.

You’d think with Remus being the size of a 10 story apartment building he’d be easy to find at a party. But no, not Remus. Of course the one time he decides to be the height of a normal human being, is the time James needs him to stand out. James eventually finds him after running up and down stairs for 10 minutes. When James finds him, he’s curled up on a pool chair with Sirius on his chest. They look so soft, Remus was whispering something to Sirius, making him laugh into his chest while Remus played with his hair. James needed help but not desperately enough to break them up.

So, the next course of action was to find Peter, except Peter seemed to be just as caught up as Remus. James found Peter standing under the staircase flirting with a muggle boy. So, of course he left that alone too… though, he would have to ask about that later.

James’ last resort was Lily…

Notes:

TRANSLATION:

 

Ne pourriez-vous pas choisir une autre distraction ? Tu me tues mon chéri. : Couldn't you choose another distraction? You are killing me my darling.

 

THANK U SM FOR READING im sorry the chapters r getting so small and not that good - i'll try to lengthen them and be better :) <3

Chapter 12: Chapter 12

Summary:

becoming self aware sucks ass

Notes:

yall so i like- kinda rlly like this chapter? like what? i genuinely kinda rlly like this chapter and hope u do too <3

 

!!!TW!!!: underage drinking, panic attack, reference to child abuse (very very small)

James~

James felt like his whole body was on fire, running around the party looking for Lily desperately. It was like everyone he knew had just gotten up and left the party- oh, he can’t think of that. At one point he thought he spotted her hair but it ended up being some random dude flirting with Pandora. After making several rounds of the party and walking in on far too many make out sessions, he gave up. James made his way to the staircase to sit with the rest of the odd people there.

At the top of the staircase, some guy dressed in bejewelled leaves flirting with his also bejewelled hand. A few steps down from him, a girl with jet black hair sat smoking with shiny eyeshadow streaking down her cheeks. A few steps down from her, sat a boy in a fedora singing show tunes. At the bottom of the steps, a girl with ginger hair sat with her head in hands, crying.

James sat beside her and spoke in his softest voice, “Hey, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, please go away.” The girl slurred.

“Okay, I’ll go but do you have any friends I can go and find for you? I don’t want to leave you here alone.” He asked, keeping a distance between them.

“No, I’ll probably just fall in love with them like I always do - typical, right?” She laughed meanly.

“I’m not sure what you mean… can you please just tell me your friends names, so I can go find them?” James asked again.

“Yeah, just go searching for a tall bloke named Remus.” She slurred.

“Wait- Lily?” James questioned, suddenly feeling very stupid.

Lily looked up at him, her eyes wide and glassy. “James?”

“Lils, what's going on?” James moved closer to her.

“Nothing. I’m fine.” She lied.

“No, you’re not. What’s going on?” James opened his arms to her. Lily’s jaw clenched but she fell into James’ arms gripping the back of his shirt.

“I’m stupid, I’m so stupid.” She cried into his chest.

“What? No, you’re not. You’re like the smartest person I know.”

“Raise your expectations of smartness then.” Lily scoffed.

“If you give me a reason to, I will.” James decided.

“I kissed her.” Lily cried.

James felt everything in his mind shift. “What?” James asked.

“Mary… I kissed Mary…” Lily sobbed.

James pulled her in closer, “Did you not like it?”

“I did.” She admits.

“Then why are you here crying and not with her?” James asked, holding her close.

“I don’t think she liked it.” Like wiped at her eyes harshly.

“Did you kiss her or did she kiss you?”

“She kissed me.”

“Then why do you think she didn’t like it?”

“Because she laughed after it… told Marlene we were just joking around-” Lily coughed out another sob.

“Hey, hey… it’s okay, I’ve got you…” James pulled her closer, letting her cry into his chest.

“It’s not okay, nothings okay. You don’t get it.” James wanted to scream ‘Yes I do, Yes I do!” But obviously that wouldn’t be helpful.

“I know I don’t get it but I still know it’s going to be okay… if not now, one day.” James promised.

“I feel so stupid. I swear I used to make smarter decisions.” She laughed coldly.

“So… you like Mary?” James felt like it wasn’t the right question and it felt purely selfish but he had to ask.

“...for as long as I can remember knowing her…” Lily admitted. A selfish part of James felt betrayed, but the greater part felt… proud?

“I’m sorry. I know that’s hard… but, one day… maybe you’ll find someone else…” Lily nodded against his chest, “and that someone’s going to feel so good to be around… and- and you know, maybe you won’t even notice that you stopped feeling for her… and started feeling for them…” Lily sniffled, nodding again. “And you know, maybe when you realise it'll be soul crushing and maybe it’ll always feel soul crushing because you’re not meant to be with that person and it’ll never be…” Lily stopped nodding. “And maybe then… you’ll be sitting there reminiscing on your life with this person and realising you’ve liked them for ages and you just didn’t notice. And- and maybe it’ll hurt so much but it’s fine you know? It’s gonna be fine. Everythings going to be fine… it’s probably just going to suck a lot when you realise that’s the second person you’ll never have. But, of course it’ll be fine.”

“I think you’ve lost me.” Lily admitted, looking up at James.

“Yeah, I think I lost me too.” James agreed.

“Are you okay, James?” Lily asked, suddenly aware of him.

“Oh yeah, of course. Guess I’m just very empathetic today.” James smiled sadly down at her.

“Do you want to go back to the party? I’m fine here.” Lily assured.

“No, you know I’d never leave you here.” She smiled up at him, letting him pull her back into the comfort of his arms.

They stayed there like that for a few more minutes. James felt like crying but that’d be selfish, so he held it back. He couldn’t help that tears kept threatening to spill, his mind suddenly decided to point out every moment it was clear he felt things for Regulus. For Merlin's sake, it went all the way back to second year… Godrick, how couldn’t he tell?

He remembers it so well it might as well have happened yesterday. Sirius had bounded into their carriage all excitedly, Merlin, you wouldn’t even notice Reggie because of how much space Sirius had taken up… but James saw him. James saw him and he couldn’t take his eyes from him for the rest of the conversation. Sirius had bounded into this big speech tipping over into an introduction. He’d described his little brother as if he was the best thing to walk the Earth, just to push forward this 4 '3, skinny, little kid, who looked scared out of his mind. Remus was holding back a laugh but politely extended a hand to Regulus, he shook it cautionably. Peter was next to introduce himself, but at 12 - Peter was just as shy. It was the most awkward meeting James had ever witnessed. Then it was James’ turn but Regulus hadn’t made any move to talk to him. So, Sirius pushed him forward.

“James, this is Reggie!” Sirius exclaimed, nudging Regulus closer to James.

James had smiled at him but Regulus had just looked up at him, so small and shy. “Hey,” James extended his hand out to Regulus, “I've been dying to meet you! Sirius’ told me so much about you!” Regulus eyed his hand warily, “It’s okay, you don’t need to be shy.” James smiled his softest smile.

Regulus had smiled back up at him, it was small but James logged it to his memory. He reached out and hesitantly shook James’ hand, “I’m Alright.” Regulus said, immediately wincing at his bad response. James didn’t think it was bad, he logged that to his memory too.

“There’s a seat next to me, if you wanna sit?” James offered, gesturing to the seat next to him.

Regulus shook his head, “No, Sirius wants me to sit next to him.” Regulus replied, moving closer to his brother.

“That’s okay, I’ll just talk across to you.” James smiled. Regulus just gave him a small nod, pulling Sirius over to the seat opposite of James. Regulus barely spoke for the rest of the ride, but he replied anytime one of them spoke to him. James wanted to ask him a million questions but didn’t want to freak him out. Back then he’d just told himself it was just because he wanted his best friend’s brother to like him.

After Regulus got sorted into Slytherin, Sirius didn’t talk about him anymore, in fact he avoided him like the plague - which had resulted in Regulus coming to James, Remus and Peter asking about Sirius. Remus (out of solidarity) always ignored him, walked straight past him, as if he didn’t even hear him. Peter (out of awkwardness) would just give him a quick “I’m not sure, mate.” and run off. But James… Oh, James couldn’t do that. Every time he’d approached him to ask about his brother, James couldn’t help but tell him exactly what he wanted to hear. James told himself he just didn’t want to burn a bridge between him and Regulus because Sirius might change his mind and want Regulus back in his life. After a while, Regulus stopped approaching Remus and Peter, he only ever came to James. James liked that, he liked it a lot. He’d told himself it was just because he liked the company of Sirius so much, it’d just make sense for him to like the company of his younger brother. Eventually though, Regulus stopped trying all together… James still looked around for him, hoping he’d come ask another pointless question about Sirius.

By third year, Regulus was a ghost - James never saw him. You could barely spot him at meal times - it drove Sirius insane. It stayed that way up until he joined the quidditch team. James would see him at practice and games (always extending a greeting but only to ever get grunts back - still, he never stopped trying.) Regulus’ appearances were so haphazard, it was driving Sirius crazy, constantly scanning rooms for Regulus. He was never sure if he was taking care of himself properly, if he was alone, if he was doing good. Remus and Peter never understood why it bothered him so much. James did. James did because he was looking around too. He’d barely ever spoken to Regulus, only ever small little conversations but every single one had stuck out in his mind. He knew so little of him, maybe that’s why he always looked for him, he just wanted to know more.

Fourth year was the year Sirius snapped, he was doing everything he could to close the gap between him and Regulus… and for a while he’d gotten what he wanted. So, James saw more of Regulus, granted it wasn’t much more but it was a lot to him. Conversations with Regulus have always been a thing James would have to push to get. Regulus does this thing (he always has) where he won’t come to you first, unless he’s certain that he’s wanted by you. For some reason though, with James - he’s never believed he was really wanted, no matter how many times James approached him. So, although Regulus was around much more in fourth year - it was only for Sirius. James would have to push himself into the conversation just to get Regulus to acknowledge him. Normally that would be irritating… but, with Regulus, James found it thrilling. Regulus was capable of making his day so much better, even though Regulus in his third year was fully embodying his gothic teenage anger - James loved it.

Fifth year was when it all went to shit… but before it went to shit, it was so, so, good. Regulus (in his fourth year) had begun wearing black eyeliner, and no one seemed to even be affected by it. Oh, but not James, not James at all. James was affected. It was like magnetism, pulling him to him. He HAD to go near him as much as possible, had to go and say the most meaningless things to Regulus at all times just to get his attention. Even though the attention he got from him was normally angry glares… Godrick, James lived for that glare. Angry stormy eyes with protruding silver flares lined by dark black eyeliner, staring at James… It felt like a gift. So, James saw Regulus a lot more, he’d even consider them friends of some sort. James had had his growth spurt that year and Regulus was still a lot shorter than him, James was 5 '9, Regulus was 5' 4. James was far too obsessed with it. At the time he’d told himself it was because he liked feeling like the tallest in the room (Godrick, why was he so clueless?) But, the summer of fifth year was the moment any simper of a friendship with Regulus was thrown out the window. Sirius had run away and Regulus had blamed James.

Sixth year had been hard for Sirius, Regulus had avoided him like the plague. He went back to not showing up for meal times and Sirius was drowning in his own worry… James; not too far behind. The only time they ever saw Regulus was at games and he made it very clear he wasn’t going to give them any time to talk to him. Sirius stayed up by the map for nights on end, often getting James to join him. Sirius was convinced James was the only one who understood how he was feeling because he thought everyone else had missed the real Reggie and only James had let himself see it. James convinced himself of that too. After a while, Sirius had decided he was going to go back to Grimmauld Place, James had had to beg him not to. Losing Regulus for the second time was tearing Sirius apart. In the summer of sixth year, James was convinced Sirius was going to leave, it’s like he could feel it. Remus and Peter had stayed over at the Potter’s more often, just so more of them could keep an eye on Sirius.

Though, that all stopped three weeks into the summer holiday when Regulus showed up. The day he’d shown up had been terrifying, he clung to Sirius like his life depended on it. He didn’t speak to anyone, only whispering small things to Sirius at times. He was on such high alert, every movement in the room had made him flinch. Euphemia had tried to help him, clean him off, and offer him clothes. But Regulus would shy from her, like he had everyone. At some point Sirius was pulled into the kitchen by ministry workers to try to figure out what was going on, so it’d left James and Regulus to themselves in the living room. Seemed scared but not on as high alert with James as he was with everyone else. James remembers the day so vividly, he couldn’t sit there and leave him like that, staring after the door Sirius had walked out, tears welling in his eyes as if he didn’t believe he’d walk back in.

James had scooted closer to him on the couch, “Hey,” Regulus’ eyes shot up to him, wide and fearful, James remembers cursing Walburga Black in his mind, begging some type of god to shoot her down. “It’s okay, he’s coming back… they’re just trying to understand what’s going on…” Regulus’ eye’s had relaxed but his body stayed tense. “It’s all going to be okay, I promise.” James had moved closer to him, “By the time Sirius comes back through there, they’d have come to an agreement on you staying here.” Regulus’ shoulders had tensed. “Hey, hey, I promise that’s a good thing. You’ll be safe here… and Sirius is here. Sirius wouldn’t let you leave a bad place just to bring you to another bad place.” Regulus’ eyes told James he didn’t believe him. “He wouldn’t… Godrick, Reg, he’s been so worried about you-” Regulus rolled his eyes. “No, no, I mean it… I-... I had to beg him not to go back…” Regulus’ eyes widened, and he moved in closer to James. “That’s why Moony and Pete were here, we were trying to make sure he didn’t run off.”

James remembers the next moment so vividly it feels like he could reach out and grab it, like he could put a red pin in it and say ‘There, that’s where it happened. That’s where he got me.’ The tears pooling in Regulus’ eyes that he’d been fighting so hard to hold up had finally dropped down his cheeks and James couldn’t let him hold all that emotion alone. So, he’d moved forward, pulling Regulus into his arms. Regulus hadn’t pushed him away, just stiffened. James remembers moving like it was instinctual, pushing his hands into his hair, rubbing soothing patterns on his back, holding him so tightly, whispering to him - promising him he was safe. Eventually Regulus had melted into his arms, letting James care for him until Sirius had gotten there. Sirius had slept in Regulus’ room for the next few weeks, not leaving his brother's side. Regulus didn’t talk to anyone for the first few weeks until Effy got him out of his shell, then it was Monty but then… It was James.

The first time Regulus spoke to him… Godrick, James didn’t see it back then, but it was identical to the first time he’d met him. Sirius had come bounding into the kitchen, pulling Regulus along with him. He was yelling- Merlin, he was yelling about how great Regulus’ art was, shoving a sketch Regulus had done in his face.

James had smiled at him but he just looked embarrassed, “Hey,” James extended his hand out to Regulus to pass him back his sketch, “it’s really nice, don’t be embarrassed by it.”

Regulus had smiled up at him, the prettiest smile James has ever seen. He reached out hesitantly and grabbed his sketch back, “It’s alright.” James can still feel the excitement he felt, hearing those words… hearing him again.

“I’m making coffee, want one?” James offered, gesturing to the seat next to him.

Regulus shook his head, “No, Sirius said he wants me to draw ‘Moony’.” Regulus rolled his eyes at the nickname.

“That’s okay, we’ll talk later.” James smiled. Regulus gave him a small smile back before pulling Sirius off. James wanted to pull him back and talk for hours. Back then he’d told himself it was because he had a saviour complex and Regulus had been hurting but a saviour complex doesn’t do the things James did for him.

For the rest of the summer hols, James spent his time learning Regulus - just small things like; Regulus only eats blueberry pancakes, he thinks everything other than that is bland. James spent hours in the kitchen with Dotti trying to figure out how to make the perfect blueberry pancake, so Regulus had no choice but to eat breakfast with him. By the time Christmas hols rolled around, Regulus and James were together every morning. Regulus made the coffees and James made the pancakes (Though Regulus was quite horrible at making coffees - James still drank them because it made him happy). Granted, they didn’t talk much but James just loved his presence… he always has. Regulus and him didn’t start talking properly until he’d asked James to teach him to skate for his girl… Merlin, James had forgotten all about Regulus’ crush. The topic had always made him so antsy, so he ignored it. Of course ignoring it made it come back and bite him in the ass.

“Hey?” Mary broke through James’ thoughts.

“Mary? What’s up?” James smiled awkwardly, suddenly aware of Lily passed out on his shoulder and the tears streaming down his face.

“Are you okay? Is she okay?” Mary asked, dropping to her knees in front of them.

“I’m fine… I don’t know about her…” James answered, letting Mary pull Lily into her arms.

“I’m gonna take her home, tell everyone we left, okay?” Mary raised her eyebrows at him.

“What about Marlene?”

“She left with Dorcas two hours ago.” Mary replied.

“Wait- two hours? We only got here like an hour and a half ago?”

“We’ve been here for 3 hours… Are you buzzed, Potter? Do you want to come back with us?” Mary asked, concern crossing her features.

“What? No, no, I’m all good. I’m just going to get some air…” James got up and stumbled past Mary, not waiting for her reply. He pushed his way to the front yard, immediately slumping himself against a tree. Every part of his body felt hot. He’d been here for 3 hours. He’d spent an hour and a half crying thinking about Regulus while one of his closest friends laid unconscious on his shoulder. Merlin, he was a horrible friend. James couldn’t breathe, everything was hitting him. He’d left Lily there. He was betraying Sirius by crushing on his little brother. He was hurting Regulus by having feelings for him. He hasn’t checked up on Peter in an hour and a half. He has no idea where any of his friends are. Everyone could be hurt right now but he’s too busy sitting under a tree crying. Crying? When did he start crying? Is this even appropriate to cry about? Is the air thick? Is that why he can’t breathe? Why was everything shaking? Was he shaking or was the ground shaking? Was it an earthquake? Shouldn’t he be with his friends then? What if they need him? Why’s he out here when they’re in there? Why’s he being so inconsiderate?

Why did he have to ruin everything…. how’s he been ruining everything before he even realised what he was doing?

Notes:

YALL ITS NICO DI ANGELO'S BIRTHDAY <3

also i hope everyones well and enjoyed the chapter

honestly its been a while since i thanked u all for the reads honestly this is just <3 thank u

Chapter 13: Chapter 13

Summary:

regulus hates drunken idiots

Notes:

omg i havent updated in ages- so sorry ive had my first two days of school (at a new school - its alr ig)

this chapter is litterally minature

 

I DREW JEGULUS! its a little meh but u should check it out <3 (insta: messersbrainrot ) (tumblr: moonystoast1971 )

 

not me writing and updating my fic at 3am again

Regulus ~

It’s been an hour since the drink table with James, Regulus has just been walking around outside trying to get his wits about him. It was driving him nuts. How could James say that? How could he call Regulus his? How could he say it with that much emotion? Why does he insist on giving Regulus reasons to fault his own better judgement? Regulus couldn’t think straight, he needed to get out of this stupid party. So, he went to find Barty to convince him to take him back to the Potter’s. He’s been searching the party for 10 minutes, walking in and out of horrible displays of far too much affection.

Eventually, after multiple scares, he hears Barty’s voice coming from a room. Naturally, he follows it. Godrick, why did he have to follow it? The scene he walked in on is definitely one he can never scrape from his memory. A drunk Barty and a drunk muggle boy stripping off their clothes “whispering” rather traumatising things to each other. Barty was about to take the boys top off before Regulus butts in.

“Barty! Oi, we gotta go, mate.” Regulus put on a thicker accent to make himself blend in more.

“Reg? I’m busy ‘ere.” Barty slurred.

“Too bad, let’s go.” Regulus demanded, dropping the accent.

“Whyyy?” Barty whined. Regulus wanted to scream at him, he was so stupid. It’s like, the second he gets any bit of alcohol in his system, his common sense takes a vacation. He didn’t even realise what a stupid mistake he and this boy were making.

“Because I said so, let’s go.” Regulus raised his voice.

“Oh my GOD! Can you leave? We’re busy.” The boy rolled his eyes, immediately smashing his lips back into Barty’s.

“Evan’s in trouble!” Regulus screamed as a last resort.

Barty’s eyes widen, pushing the boy off him a little. He stared at him for a few long seconds - his eyes saddened, “Amos will help him.” He pulled the boy back into him. Regulus felt like dragging him by his ear to the Potter’s, at this point.

So, as his actual last resort, Regulus decided to demolish his mental stability for life. “OH MY FUCKING GODS! CAN YOU JUST GET OFF OF MY BOYFRIEND?!” Regulus screamed.

The boy recoiled, springing off of Barty, looking at him as if he disgusted him, “Boyfriend? He’s your boyfriend?! You were going to sleep with me in front of your boyfriend?! What kind of sick twisted kink is that?!” The muggle screamed, storming out of the room while Barty scrambled for excuses.

“Boyfriend? Boyfriend?!” Barty screamed, turning his fiery gaze to Regulus.

“You weren’t listening.” Regulus stated.

“So you make me seem like a cheating asshole?!”

“In my defence, I tried other methods. You just refused to listen.” Regulus reasoned.

“What the fuck, Reg?!” Barty yelled, slipping his shirt back on to follow after the boy.

“You were making a mistake.” Regulus grabbed onto Barty’s arm.

“Really? A mistake? And what exactly was that mistake?” Barty’s eyes shone with anger.

“You don’t even know him.”

“Good! I don’t want to fucking know him!” Barty yelled.

“Stop being stupid.”

“THEN STOP SITTING HERE ON YOUR HIGH HORSE AS IF YOU WOULDN’T DO THE SAME!”

“I wouldn’t do the same.” Regulus concluded.

“Yes! Yes you would!” Barty threw his arms up angrily.

“Not if I had Evan waiting on me.”

“Ev- What does Evan have to do with this?” Barty questioned, accusation in his tone.

“He has everything to do with this.”

“He has nothing to do with this! Believe it or not, when I’m fucking other people Evan Rosier doesn’t cross my mind!” Barty yelled.

“Why are you yelling, then?” Regulus asked.

“What?”

“Why are you so mad about this? Why are you yelling? Why are you fighting so hard to be with that guy?” Regulus pressed.

“I- He- You don’t get it!” Barty deflected.

“What’s his name, Barty? Do you even know?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Barty rolled his eyes.

“Really? It doesn’t matter at all?”

“Not at all.” Barty stated.

“So, no name is needed?”

“Why are you interrogating me?”

“Oh no, I’m just fact checking.” Regulus defended.

“Fact checking, what?”

“Oh, it;s just I saw this guy with Evan a few rooms down… yeah I’m pretty sure he was calling him like- Liam or something.” Regulus waved him off.

“What? And Evan’s just letting him? What the fuck, Reg? Why wouldn’t you fucking tell me that?! Let’s go, I’m not letting that continue.” Barty sputtered, drunken rage rising to his cheeks.

“But it’s fine. You’re not meant to know each other's names, right?” Regulus smirked.

“It’s different.”

“It’s not.”

“You don’t get it, Reg.”

“No, I get it perfectly. Evan’s having a good time, the guy doesn’t have to respect him.” Regulus shrugged.

“Stop it!” Barty screamed.

“Stop, what? What am I doing? Why are you mad? Do you even know?” Regulus scoffed.

“Just stop.”

“Why?”

“Just fucking stop!” Barty pushed past him, “I’m going to go find that guy, so clear out.”

“Why do you even fucking want this so badly?!” Regulus snapped.

“Because- because it’s not fucking fair! I’m so fucking angry! And I don’t know how to fucking handle it! Stupid fucking Amos! He fucking ruined everything! You know he ruined everything!” Barty carped.

“What does Amos have to do with this?”

“Everything.”

“Okay, well then, tell me what that everything is because it’s lost on me.” Regulus lied.

“It’s just everything!”

“And what’s everything?”

“Everything! Do you not understand what I’m saying?! He took everything!”

“And what’s everything?” Regulus grabbed onto Barty’s arm, pulling him back into attention, “Who’s everything?” Barty sucked in a jagged breath.

“Reg, please.” Barty begged. Barty’s eyes filled with tears, threatening to tip over. Regulus couldn’t help but think, ‘Yes, that. That’s exactly what I want.’ So he pushed again.

“Maybe I should go see if Evan’s done.” Regulus said unsuspiciously. Barty immediately opened the floodgates, welling up in tears, choking out drunken sobs. Regulus closed the gap between them, pulling Barty down into his embrace. “Why are you crying, Barty?”

“You know why.” Barty sobbed.

“I don’t because you’re not sharing.”

“Reggie, please… please, everytime you speak it- it makes me think of hi- what he’s doing and I can’t- please…” Barty choked.

“And why does that bother you?” Regulus felt like grabbing him and shaking him like, ‘Yes! It’s right there, just stop hiding it!’

“I don’t know, Regulus!” Barty yelled.

“Yes, you do.”

“Don’t you think if I knew, I’d fix it?!” Barty claimed.

“No, you wouldn’t fix it. You’d just sit here - like you are - ignoring the issue.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“There is no issue.”

“Evan and-”

“If you mention him and his fucking guys one more time, Reg, I swear to fucking Merlin-” Barty cut himself off.

“No! Don’t stop there! Barty, please, for crying out loud! It’s literally right in front of your face!” Regulus snapped.

“I know!” Barty yelled back.

“Then fucking say it?!”

“I can’t…” Barty crumbled, slouching down onto the nearest seat. “Please don’t make me say it… I can’t say it, it’ll hurt.” Barty rubbed at his eyes harshly.

“Or, it won’t.” Regulus sat down on the seat next to him.

“I love him… and he- he doesn’t even fucking care…” Barty pulled in a sharp breath. Immediately breaking down.

“He does care.”

“No he doesn’t, he’s with Amos.” Barty’s voice broke at the name.

“How do you know he doesn’t?”

“Because he’s with someone else!” Barty cried.

“Because he doesn’t even know you’re an option.” Regulus stated.

Barty stopped, cries breaking immediately, “He… he doesn’t even know I’m an option.” Regulus could almost hug him for not being as stupid as he’s capable of. “If- if he knew I was an option he wouldn’t be with Amos… Why would he be with Amos when he could have me? Why would he let Amos have him when I could be so much better? BUT HE DOESN’T KNOW THAT!” BArty screamed as if he’d just struck gold. “I NEED TO LET HIM NO THAT!” Barty stood up, racing to the door.

“Whoa! Wait! No, no, no, no. You’re not telling him.” Regulus stopped him.

“What? I thought you wanted me to tell him? Isn’t that what all this was about?”

“Yes, yes that’s exactly it but… Barty, I can’t let you tell him when you’re like this.” Regulus admitted.

“Like what?” Barty questioned.

“Drunk off your ass. It’d just hurt him.”

“It wouldn’t hurt him. I wouldn’t hurt him!” Barty screamed defensively. Merlin, Regulus hated drunk people.

“I know, I know you wouldn’t… not on purpose. This would hurt him by accident though.”

“I don’t want to hurt him by accident…”

“So, can you at least wait till tomorrow.” Regulus pleaded.

“Tomorrow morning. No longer than that. Non posso più aspettare. Non posso continuare a non averlo. Non posso lasciare che sia di qualcun altro. Ho bisogno che sia di nuovo mio, Reg.” Barty rambled drunkenly in Italian,

“Okay, you’re going to wait for tomorrow?” Regulus clarified.

“Tomorrow morning, no later.” Barty shook his head enthusiastically, then springing himself onto Regulus, repeating the words ‘Thank you.’ and ‘I still hate you a little.’

“Okay, okay, enough. I’m going to go find everyone, we’re going home.” Regulus rolled his eyes, storming out to find the rest of his idiot friends. Merlin, he hates drunks.

Notes:

TRANSLATION!!!!:

Non posso più aspettare. Non posso continuare a non averlo. Non posso lasciare che sia di qualcun altro. Ho bisogno che sia di nuovo mio, Reg. : I can not wait anymore. I can't go on not having him. I can't let him be someone else's. I need him to be mine again, Reg.

Chapter 14: Chapter 14

Summary:

lovely fixing earthquakes or somethin like that idk i wasnt there

Notes:

yall- nglllll i enjoyed writing this chapter so fucking much- like yall it was the vibes

 

also- schools kicking my ass ive been here for 3 days and have been assigned an assignment already :/

 

hope ur all well my guys <3

Regulus~

 

Regulus left Barty behind in the room, telling him to make his way to the front yard and wait there. The second he stepped out of the room he spotted Sirius and Remus being far too touchy by the staircase. Much to his own dismay he had to go to them.

“Stop committing heinous atrocities.” Regulus cut in, scaring a very drunk Remus and Sirius. “We’re leaving, let’s go.” Regulus stated blandly.

“What? Why? We literally juuuust got here.” Sirius whined.

“It’s been fucking hours and you’re all off your heads having romantic break throughs. We’re going immediately.” Regulus bossed.

“Godrick, who pissed you off?” Remus joked.

“Move it. Now. Both of you. Barty’s at the front, you will both go and wait outside with him and not leave each others side.” Regulus demanded. “Do you understand me?”

“Are you seriously trying to tell me what to do here? Just because of that, me and Moony are staying here for-ev-er.” SIrius declared.

“Sirius, I am not in the mood. I will break each and every one of the bones in your hands individually, then stuff them all down your throat. Get outside with Barty immediately. Do not leave his side. And please for the love of Morgana, watch out for each other.” Regulus ordered.

“You’re no fun today.” Sirius glowered. Regulus glared at his brother, watching him make his way to the front door.

One down - 3 to go. Well, unless you count Amos and Elias but really, who’s counting that. Regulus spotted Pandora’s bright platinum box braids almost immediately, they were flirting with some muggle who had flowers in her afro, Regulus couldn’t help but wonder where the ginger from earlier had run off to. Regulus made his way over to Dora, pushing himself into their conversation.

“Dora, we have to get going, Barty’s drunk off his ass.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Merlin, of course he is. Well that’s that then.” Pandora turned to the girl they were flirting with, “Sorry, love. I have to get going but you never know what the fates might have in hand for us.” Pandora winked at her and moved in closer, putting on a husky lilt, “Regarde, toi, désolé, matin, au revoir, soleil, merde, crétin, moche, parfait, garçon, con, frère.” Pandora strung together the only french words they knew, making the girl swoon. “The fates, beautiful.” Pandora flirted before pulling Regulus off.

“Do you have any idea what you just said to her?” Regulus raised his eyebrows at them.

“No clue, why?” Pandora hummed.

“Because you literally just said - and I quote - ‘look, you, sorry, morning, goodbye, sun, shit, moron, ugly, perfect, boy, jerk, brother.’” Regulus smirked.

“Oh, well she doesn’t know that. She finds me quite charming.” Pandora laughed.

“You’re the worst.”

“Whyyy? I didn’t lie to her - not once, I do know French.” Pandora affirmed.

“No, you really do not.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Yes, I do. You’re French and I know you - in conclusion: I, Pandora Rosier, know French.” They smiled proudly.

“Whatever.” Regulus laughed. “Okay, Barty, Remus and my brother are all at the front waiting for us, go stay with them while I find James and Evan.” Regulus avered.

“Wait, you haven’t found Evan yet?” Pandora asked fearfully.

“No but I’m sure he’s fine.” Regulus assured.

“Well, I’d like to make sure he is. I’ll come with you to find him.” Pandora decided, lacing their arm through Regulus’ and guiding them both through the party. It didn’t take long to spot a brooding Evan smoking by a window. Pandora rushed over to him in an instant, pulling him into their embrace.

“Ev, you okay?” They whispered to him.

“Yeah, just tired.” Evan lied.

“Dora,” Regulus didn’t say anything else, he didn’t need to, a silent understanding passed through them - ‘whatever you do, take care of him.’

“I’m going to go look for James, you guys go to the front to wait with the others.” Regulus spoke to Pandora.

“You don’t know where James is?” Evan asked.

“No but to be fair I haven’t looked yet. Plus I still have to find Amos and Elias.” Regulus sighed.

“Oh, Amos and Elias left together like, hours ago.” Evan shrugged like it was nothing, “And James is by the pool. That dude at the front door who let us in escorted him back there a few minutes ago.” Evan stated blankly.

“What? What the fuck happened?” Regulus probbed.

“Dunno, didn’t check.” Evan was clearly high.

“Useless, the lot of you.” Regulus grumbled, storming off to the back yard. The yard was virtually empty, a couple resided on a pool chair and another by a tree, the only other person there being James who sat cross legged by the pool. Regulus went and sat by him. “Hey, we’re leaving.”

James looked up at him with tears running down his face, the second he registered what was going on he plastered a fake smile on his face. “Oh, we are? So soon? Well, that was really fun.” James smiled.

“James, what’s wrong?” Regulus asked immediately.

“What? Nothings wrong, I’ve had the time of my life.” He lied.

“I’m serious, what’s wrong.”

“You’re not Sirius.” James joked half heartedly.

“Jamie, what’s going on?” Regulus pressed.

“You called me Jamie again…” James looked stunned.

“That doesn’t matter right now-”

“It does to me.” James mumbled.

“...Okay, it really matters?” James nodded, “Then yes, I called you Jamie. I like it, do you?”

“Yeah… but only when you do it. Lily, Mary and Marlene call me by it sometimes… I don’t want them to anymore.” James fiddled with his shirt sleeve, Regulus then noticed how much he was shaking.

“James… you’re shaking.” Regulus hesitantly put his hand on James’, unfurling it from his shirt sleeve. James gripped onto Regulus’ hand.

“It’s an earthquake, Reg.” James noted, tears welling in his eyes.

“No, you’re shaking. James, what’s going on?” Regulus asked, again.

“It’s just an earthquake… it’ll end soon… it has to because it’s been going on for 30 minutes-” James looked down at his watch, “38 minutes.”

“You’ve been like this for half an hour?”

“38 minutes.” James corrected.

“Jamie, please, please tell me what’s happening.” Regulus pleaded.

“With the Earth?” James looked at the pool with glassy unfocused eyes.

“With y-... Okay, with the Earth.” Regulus moved in closer to James, gripping his hand tighter.

“I don’t know, I’ve never been in one of these before.” James concluded.

“One of these?”

“An earthquake.”

“It’s not an ea- Well… normally it’s because of these things under the Earth’s surface, they call them Tectonic Plates.” Regulus’ mind began to fit some pieces together, “See, well, these plates, right? They are moving constantly, like always moving… and sometimes, well sometimes they get stuck. Sometimes they make the wrong move and things start to go sideways… eventually there's two or more plates stuck together but they’re still trying to move because they think they need to… and when there’s a lot of stress on the points they’re stuck at… well, earthquake.” Regulus explained.

“Definitely an earthquake.” James decided.

“Don’t you think it’d be so much easier if the plates just stopped moving?” Regulus prodded.

“No.”

“No?”

“They can’t do that, Reggie. You said they need to move, they can’t just stop, Reg.” James concluded.

“You can stop though… What's bothering you, James. It’s time to stop moving, just for now.” Regulus pressed his leg to James’.

“I can’t, someone needs to and no one else is, so I can’t.” James sniffled.

“How about I do it for a little while, I’ll keep everything moving and you tell me what’s bothering you.”

“Then the Earth will shake for you…”

“It always does.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Nothing is. Now, what’s wrong?” Regulus queried again.

“Reggie, I don’t wanna say. I think I need to keep it to myself for a while.”

“Fine, don’t tell me but... Can you please just talk to one of your friends? Please.” Regulus bargained.

“Then the Earth might shake for them.”

“I guarantee it already does.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Nothing is.”

James sniffled, causing Regulus to look up at him. He had tears cursing down his cheeks but his shaking had settled. Regulus wrapped his arm around James’ shoulder, pulling him down into Regulus’ embrace. They were in an awkward position, Regulus sitting cross legged next to the pool while James laid his head in the crook of Regulus’ neck. Regulus ran his fingers through James’ messy curls.

“You’re so lovely, Reggie.” James murmured. “You’re so, so lovely… sometimes it feels like you’re only lovely to me though… like you keep it all locked up for me… like you’re my lovely and no one else's.” James sniffled, “My lovely, lovely, Regulus.” James’ grip around him tightened.

“Je ne suis pas aussi bon que tu le dis. Mais tu penses que je suis... alors, je suppose que je te garde ma beauté.” Regulus whispered into his ear.

“Tell me what it means, Reggie.” James pressed himself closer into Regulus.

“I said… Well, I called you-...... I said; ‘I'm not as good as you say. But you think I am... so I guess I am keeping all my lovely for you.’” Regulus allowed himself to be honest, praying that James would forget it by tomorrow.

“कृपया अपना प्यार किसी और को न दें... कृपया, रेगी... कृपया, प्यारा।” James sang sweetly back.

“I told you what mine meant, tell me yours.” Regulus demanded but his lips were dipped in honey, he’d lost his bite to James Potter.

“‘Please don't give your lovely to anyone else. Please, Reggie. Please, Lovely.’” James’ voice didn’t lose its sweetness, everything he said held up.

“I won’t.” Regulus heard the words come out of his mouth before his mind could ragister what he was saying.

“Thank you, lovely.” James smiled right next to Regulus’ ear, driving him insane.

“We- we have to get going, James.” James didn’t budge, “Barty’s really drunk and I think Evan’s high… I wanna get them home. So, let’s get going, yeah?” Regulus nudged his head with his shoulder. James grumbled but let Regulus help him up. Regulus went to pull him along to the front but James held him back.

“Thank you. Seriously, I mean it. Thank you, lovely.” James pulled Regulus into his arms.

 

Regulus felt drunk.

 

—------------------------------------------------

 

James~

 

The Earth stopped shaking.

 

Funny how even the Earth abides by Regulus and his lovely caress.

Chapter 15: Chapter 15

Summary:

mio amato

Notes:

YALL I HAVE BEEN DYING TO WRITE THIS CHAPTER FOR SO LONG IM SO EXCITED TO SHARE THIS ONE

this chapter and the next chapter are two chapters ive been fucking dying to write and put out

 

i hope yall enjoy this <3

Evan ~

They’d all gotten back to the Potter Manor 4 hours ago, Evan went to bed 3 hours ago, so why the hell is he still here counting the mosaic tiles on the roof. He knows the reason of course; Barty. Barty and Elias. Barty and that girl he was flirting with at the party. Barty and that boy he walked into a laundry room with. Barty and everyone but Evan. It’s been killing him. It’s times like these he wishes he could just pluck someone out of his memory. Just run through his memory to the moment they’d first come into it and force them to walk the other way. Oh, but Barty he could never pluck out, even if he had the ability to. It just sucked because Barty held such a big part in his memory, for Godricks sake, he’d been there since Evan was 9. It’s impossible to avoid the parts of his memory Barty lives in, not when he lives in so much of it. But, what Evan can do, is find one of the very limited gaps in which Barty isn’t and camp out there for the night. Problem is, his mind decided to exile all those gaps, forcing Evan to see Barty and only Barty. Barty lives in so much of his memory but Evan’s memory is unreliable because in those memories Barty looks at him like he means something, like he couldn’t do without him. Sucks when the only place Barty can’t go on without Evan is in Evan’s mind.

Evan was on his 16th round of counting the tiles when his door opened. For a second he was convinced he was still high and his mind was just projecting the images of Barty into the room. But Barty had the rare look of guilt in his eyes, not even Evan’s mind could trick that out, it hadn't seen it enough. Barty closed the door behind him and leaned against it lightly, staring at Evan expectantly.

“Can I come in?” He asked.

“Bit late to ask that.” Evan scoffed.

“I meant… can I come over there, you know, with you.” Barty stuttered over his words, eyeing Evan cautiously. Evan nodded, not trusting his voice enough to answer. Barty sat down on the bed next to Evan, shuffling close to him but leaving a small gap between them. They both laid flat on their backs, staring at the mosaic tiles. Evan wondered if he was counting them too. “Ev?” Barty asked out to the darkness.

“Yeah?” Even Evan heard the croak in his voice.

“What do you like about me?”

“Why?”

“Because I want to know.”

Evan felt like this was some kind of trap but decided to give into Barty’s drunken dronings. “Everything. There’s nothing I don’t like.”

“What do you like about him?”

“Amos?”

“Yeah.”

“Well… I guess he’s cool? He’s nice too.” Evan replied not knowing what he wanted to hear.

“Aren’t I cool and nice?” Barty was clearly still off his head.

“I never said you weren’t.”

“Yeah but… why are you with him if he has what I have? I clearly have more than him, I have everything.” Barty said proudly.

“I don’t know how to answer that.”

“Why are you with him?” Barty asked again.

“Why does it matter?”

“I don’t know, Ev. It’s just- If I was dating someone, you know? I’d have like- reasons? You don’t have any.” Barty slurred matter of factly.

Evan was never opposed to lying, granted, he didn’t love it the way Barty did where he got off on confusing everyone. But he didn’t hate it. Evan lies a lot, but never to the people that matter. Lying to Barty felt like being stabbed repeatedly. “I’m not with him… not really.”

“What? But you said-”

“I lied, I tend to do that.”

“But never to me.” Barty sounded somewhere between wonder and hurt.

“Never to you…” Evan admitted.

“Why?” Barty asked.

“What do you mean ‘why’?”

“Why’d you lie?” Barty stumbled over his words.

“I… It’s complicated… but a part of it was I wanted to win the bet… so, enter Amos? I promised him part of the winnings.” Evan admitted.

“But why? Evie, you could’ve just asked me… I could’ve helped you win too… I count too.” Barty’s voice was slurred but soft.

“You asked Elias first.” Evan defended.

“Because you said that thing- you know? That thing about- about the random dude you were going to get with. You said that, remember? I did what I had to do, Evie.” Barty’s voice sounded desperate.

“Yeah, I remember… but, I did that because I thought you’d just go and get with some random person. I did what I had to do.” Evan retorted.

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“But, you would.” Evan felt the bitterness in his tone. Barty moved onto his stomach and leaned up on his arms looking down at Evan.

“Why would you do it, Ev?” Barty asked, betrayal on his lips.

“Do what?”

“That day you and Amos ‘got together’,” Barty put dramatic finger quotes up, adding an eyeroll. “You came in smiling… you were smiling at me… Evie, you were so happy. You came and sat next to me and- and you were so close to me… you were smiling at me. Why’d you do that? You smiled so happy- happily at me. Why’d you smile at me the way you did just to tell me you’re with him.” Barty croaked.

“Why do you care so much about this?” Evan deflected.

“Cause- Because I wanted it to be me. I wanted you to ask me, Ev. But now you’ve asked Amos. And you know what? Now I’m going to have to act like I like Elias forever because you’re gonna marry Amos and I can’t let you win. I can’t let you win this, Ev. That’s not fair. You don’t get to win this, not anymore.” Barty sniffled, being far too honest in his drunken state.

Evan finally looked back at Barty, and that was it. One look. That’s what he could do to him. The floodgates are open and there’s no going back. “Do you want the truth?”

“I thought we were already doing that?” Barty sounded hurt but was being so gentle.

“I was going to end it all tomorrow, we only kept it on for a day- less than a day. I couldn’t even kiss him.” Evan admitted.

“Then be with me. If you were going to end it anyways, then fuck the bet and be with me. I’ll pay Amos. Do you want me to pay him? I’ll fix it all, Evie. Please.” Barty’s voice caught in his throat. “Please Ev, I need you… you know, I need you and I know you need me. We need each other, Evie. We’ve always needed each other.” Barty pleaded. Evan’s heart ached. Of course Barty says exactly what he’s been dying to hear. Of course he does it while drunk. Words. Stupid, stupid words. Why do they move him the way they do?

“You’re drunk, Bartemius. I’m not going to trust anything you say, it doesn’t feel real.” Evan ended, looking back up to the mosaics.

“Evan, look at me, please. I promise I’m telling the truth, I swear I am.” Barty swore.

“Barty, if you mean it all, then- then you’ll wait for tomorrow. If you really meant any of this you’d wait for tomorrow and ask me tomorrow.” Evan’s voice shook. He knew Barty wouldn’t come to him tomorrow, he’d sleep the night then wake up tomorrow and pretend this never happened.

“Evan, I do mean it but I can’t wait for tomorrow.”

“Why not? You know you’re not gonna ask me sober?” Evan scoffed.

“No, I am. But, Ev, I can’t sit here all night and wait for it. I can’t lay here with you, knowing you know what I feel and not be able to do anything about it. I can’t do that, Evan.” Barty explained, his voice cracking.

Evan’s limbs moved before he could register what he was doing. One second he’s staring up at the mosaics, next he’s pulling Barty into his arms and letting him lay on his chest. “Can you just take this? Just for tonight?” Evan whispered, running his fingers up and down Barty’s back.

Barty buried his face into Evan’s chest, “Yeah, anything you want from me, Evie. But… If I ask you tomorrow… you’ll say yes?” Barty hesitated.

“Can I tell you something?” Evan asked, pulling Barty closer.

“Mhm.” Barty nodded against Evan’s chest.

“I’ve-” Evan felt the words catch in his throat. He couldn’t help but hesitate, telling Barty this would be exposing his all to him. Barty knows Evan but he’s never known this, there's always been a piece of Evan he didn’t know. If Evan tells him… then he’ll really know him. The concept of being known by Barty is terrifying. Evan lets himself think on it for a second. Being known by Barty would ruin him, he’d begin to depend on the fact that if everyone else misunderstood him, Barty wouldn’t. That doesn’t sound horrible but truly, it’s terrifying. One day Evan might tire him and knowing him would wear him down and he’d long to give away his knowledge. Evan can’t handle Barty wanting to give it away. Barty splayed his hand out on Evan’s chest, drawing small patterns with his finger. It was such a small movement but it calmed him. Barty calmed him. Barty may leave one day but he’ll live in Evan’s memories and if he leaves… well, Evan will live there too. He’ll live there and he’ll never leave. “I’ve loved you since I was 13… I would’ve said yes back then and I’ll say yes tomorrow.” Evan promised.

Barty scoffed, “No way you liked me all the way back then, you’re lying.”

“No, no, it’s true.”

“Is not.”

“It is.”

“Prove it.” Barty dared.

“How am I meant to prove that 13 year old me, love 13 year old you?” Evan laughed.

“Tell me about it. I wanna hear it all, Evie.” Barty’s breath grazed Evan’s neck.

“Where do you want me to start?” Evan asked.

“The start.”

“That’s very subjective.”

“Well, tell me where you think the start was.” Barty decided.

“Okay, well for me, the start is like- the actual start.” Evan explained.

“What do you mean?”

“When we first met. Do you really want me to go back that far?”

“Yes. I wanna hear it all.” Barty affirmed.

“Well, the start’s rather pathetic. You were my first friend, Barty… Did you know that?” Evan asked, tracing his fingers up Barty’s spine.

“No.” Barty’s voice came out shrill.

“Well, you were. I never had friends, only Pandora but they’re my twin. So, I guess that doesn’t count. You really were my first friend… no one else really liked me, they were just scared of me.”

“Scared of you? You were short and skinny when we were kids.” Barty laughed.

“Yeah, I was. But, well- people used to pick on Pandora, called them strange. Granted me and Dora weren’t exactly the most normal of the bunch but still. Anytime anyone made them cry, even if they were just the tiniest bit sad… Well, I had the tendency to blow up. It wasn’t really my fault, Mum always told me to take care of Dora, she used to say people like Pandora were different and other people were scared of difference because they didn’t understand it. She used to tell me that they’d try to hurt Dora, to take away their differences, to make them the same as everyone else and that they’d always do it for the rest of our lives. So, I guess I took that as whenever anyone hurt Dora I had to hurt them… you don’t make a lot of friends if you’ve hit everyone else on the playground.” Evan explained.

“That’s stupid. Kids are stupid.” Barty rolled his eyes.

“Oh, but you weren’t stupid.” Evan smiled. “You weren’t scared… if anything it made you come to me.” Evan couldn’t help but laugh. Barty was a chaos demon as a kid, still is. “I remember the first time you came to me I thought you were there to insult Dora, I was ready to kick your ass.”

“Oh please, I would’ve smoked you.” Barty joked.

“Mhm, probably. Do you remember when I punched Xeno Lovegood?”

“Yeah, we were 10 and he called Dora slow.” Barty said with a bite to his tone.

“Yeah, then I punched the crap out of him. That was the first time you ever saw me hit someone… I thought you were gonna run away.” Evan smiled into Barty's hair. “Do you remember what you did?”

“No.”

“Xeno’s friend- Tamesworth I think it was? Yeah, he picked him up and ran off with him… you got up and yelled after them ‘Yeah that’s right, run away! He’s deranged! He’ll murder you and no one would even care because you have a weird forehead!’” Barty bellowed out a laugh.

“Oh Godrick, did I really say that?” He laughed against Evan’s chest.

“Oh yeah, and more. You ran back over to me and fist bumped me, you called me awesome… I think I told my Mum that story over 50 times.” Evan smiled fondly. “You didn’t even know it, Barty. You meant… you meant everything to me. I spent every day I wasn’t with you thinking about what’d I’d do the next time I was with you. I always thought that having a friend would be like what it was to have Dora but… you were nothing like that. I never knew what having a friend would be like, not until you.” Barty snuggled in closer to Evan. “Except then Hogwarts started… and we met Regulus and then Dorcas. Merlin, it took me two years to realise you weren’t the same as them. It took me two years to realise I’m not meant to long for a friend the way I longed for you. When I looked at Regulus and Dorcas… well, I never wanted to do the things I wanted when I looked at you. I remember the day I realised I loved you… Merlin, you were sitting in the common room flirting with Vanessa Monolith. I remember sitting there and thinking, ‘I wish I could just go over there and pull him away from her… maybe kiss him just to get her to back off and know her place.’”

“Subtle.” Barty laughed, pressing himself closer to Evan. “Sono tutto tuo.”

“Yeah, real subtle. Thing is, that’s not what made it click. I remember thinking like, ‘Shit, that’s a little weird.’ then watching Regulus and Dorcas and thinking about kissing them.” Barty’s grip on Evan tightened. “That’s when it clicked, thinking it felt like thinking of kissing a family member. It felt wrong. But thinking about you…”

“It felt good?”

“Perfect.”

Barty pulled the blanket up over them, snuggling in closer to Evan, “I’m gonna go to bed, If I sleep now, tomorrow will come faster and I can tell you I love you and you’ll believe me.” Barty pressed a light kiss to Evan’s cheek. “Goodnight, Amore mio.” Barty whispered by his ear.

Barty drifted off in Evan’s arms, when Evan was sure he’d been asleep, he placed a kiss on his forehead, “I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’ll keep loving you till my heart gives out, even then I’ll find a way. I’ll always find a way to love you.” Evan promised, holding him tighter. Barty won’t ask him tomorrow. Barty won’t ever ask him. But, Evan will have tonight to hold in his mind forever. This one. This is the memory he’ll live in.

 

_____________________________________________

 

Barty~

 

Morning has never come slower. Barty quite literally had a dream about sitting in a blank room watching a clock. The universe was teasing him, Fottuta fica. If Barty ever sees a clock that looks like that one in the dream, he’ll smash it over Lucius Malfoy’s head. Why Lucius? Because someone needs to be at blame for this and Lucius is looking mighty blamable.

The second Barty woke up, he shook Evan awake. Evan was a heavy sleeper, it was adorable. Adorableness aside, it took far too long to get him to wake up. Barty seriously considered pulling open his eyes and poking them.

“What the actual fuck do you want?” Evan threatened, slapping Barty’s hands away.

“Wake up.”

“Eat shit.”

“Evannnnnn, wake up.”

“Bartyyyy, escort yourself to a guillotine.” Godrick, Barty loved his mind.

“Please?”

“Fine.” Barty also loved how easily Evan listened to him. Evan rolled over onto his stomach, looking over at Barty. “What do you want?”

“You said I didn’t mean it, you told me I didn’t mean it but I did. Evan, I love you. I love you so fucking much, Mia amato. You didn’t believe me but I meant it. I wouldn’t lie about this Evan. Do you believe me now? I’ll tell you again and again until you believe me.”

“I believe you, Barty.” Evan said hesitantly.

“I want you, Evan. I need you.”

“How do you want me?” Evan asked, his voice dripping with uncertainty.

“I want you in any way you’ll let me have you. I want you in any way that’ll allow me to close the gap between your lips and my own, mia amato..” Barty leaned in closer to Evan.

Evan leaned into Barty. Barty finally stopped to look at him, letting his adrenalin take the backseat. Evan was beautiful. The pale morning light shone through the blinds, deepening his freckled brown skin, painting him into a modern renaissance. Michelangelo’s finest work - his David - couldn’t even begin to come close to Evan. Il mio Evan. Il mio amore. Mio caro. Mia cara. Mia amato.

Evan’s ghosted his hand above Barty’s waist, “Close it.” Barty didn’t waste any time, the second Evan let him, he crashed his lips into his, pushing him down to straddle his lap. With each kiss Barty promised more of himself to Evan.

“I love you, I love you so fucking much, mia amato.” Barty said in between each kiss.

Evan pulled Barty back, cupping his face between his hands, “I love you more than you’ll ever know.” Evan pulled him back down into him, deepening the kiss.

 

Evan’s kiss on his skin made him feel real.

Notes:

TRANSLATIONS;

Sono tutto tuo. = i'm all yours

Amore mio = my love

Fottuta fica = fucking cunt

Mio amato = my beloved

Il mio Evan. Il mio amore. Mio caro. Mia cara. Mia amato.  = My Evan. My love. My dear. My dear. My beloved.

Chapter 16: Chapter 16

Summary:

yours only,

 

like that one song from hamilton but less "answer for the acusastions i lay at ur feet or prepare to bleed good man"

Notes:

OMFG I HAVENT UPDATED IN A FULL ASS WEEEEEEEK IM SO SORRY MY DUDES

schools been kicking my ass yo

 

TODAYS A DORLENE CHAPTER AND IVE BEEN FUCKING WAITING FOR THIS ONE

 

again - sorry ilysm

Dorcas ~

 

Dorcas woke up expecting to have a major earth shattering headache or at the very least feel worn down but none of her usual hangover effects were there. Everything felt like a normal morning, as if she’d just imagined last night. Everything felt normal until she went to move and arms tightened around her waist. Initially she was terrified, thinking some random creep had broken into her parents house and was beside her. She felt like screaming but quickly stopped herself when she looked down and was met by a messy mop of blonde splayed across her chest and the pillow. Dorcas layed stunned staring down at Marlene McKinnon, wrapped around her. She couldn’t even begin to fathom how they’d gotten here, last night was a complete blur in her mind.

Before she could collect her thoughts Marlene moved against her chest and somehow pulled her in closer by the waist. Dorcas tried to push Marlene’s arms from around her, not wanting to make Marlene uncomfortable, she probably wouldn’t want to wake up wrapped around someone she didn’t mean to be. Dorcas slipped out of Marlene's grip just for her to throw her arms back around her and pull her in, grumbling mindlessly next to her, deep in sleep. Dorcas was mentally kicking herself. How the hell did she manage to get herself this deep in? It started off so harmless; 1st year - flying classes.

Dorcas started Hogwarts a year later than she should’ve, her cousin started the year she was supposed to start and her mother didn’t want the two butting heads in school. So, Dorcas was the eldest in her year. She thought everyone would isolate her for it or treat her like an outsider. So, in her mind, the best plan of action was avoid all contact with everyone - that way no one would realise she was older than the rest of them. The plan did work for the first half of the year, she only ever spoke to her roomates; Delores Umbridge (stuck up asshole), Antonia Zabini (a bit shady but doesn’t bother Dorcas), Alecto Carrow (alright, just a bit odd). All in all, she did a great job of hiding herself. Being invisible was easy. Oh, but being invisible was impossible when Marlene McKinnon takes it upon herself to drag you into the limelight. 1st year - flying classes.

Marlene was a whizz at flying, the only people who rivalled her were James Potter and Antonia Zabini. Oh, and Dorcas. But she didn’t know that, not until she’d smoked out Potter and Zabini and was looking to challenge other people.

“Oi! You! Forgot ya name but come on up ‘ere!” She’d screamed over to Dorcas. Dorcas was so used to no one acknowledging her existence, it’d shocked her. “Yeah, you! Haven’t seen you fly, wanna give it a go?” She’d asked, the excitement of a possible challenge lighting up her eyes. Dorcas had just nodded, not trusting her voice. The second they’d gotten on their brooms, Dorcas was off. Marlene, far behind. It’d driven Marlene nuts, she’d challenged Dorcas everyday for the remaining months of 1st year and she didn’t stop challenging her until she’d won… until Dorcas had let her win. Dorcas let her win. Hanging out with Marlene made her anxious and grossly sweaty. Her heart was always beating at two times speed around her and any time she’d touched her (which was a lot) Dorcas felt like fainting. Eventually it just felt unhealthy to be near her, so of course she let her win and cut off all contact.

Dorcas and Marlene hadn’t spoken since 1st year… well… until 5th year. 5th year - divination classes. The Professor had split Marlene and Sirius up for the week because they kept threatening to smash the crystal ball on each other's heads. Of course the Professor had decided to switch Marlene with Caradoc Dearborn (Dorcas’ divination buddy). Marlene was sat next to Dorcas for the rest of the week and Marlene being Marlene, she did not shut up. Marlene’s inability to shut her mouth made Dorcas realise a few things. 1) There is never nothing to talk about, people who say that just haven’t met Marlene McKinnon. 2) Divination classes are long when you’re praying for their ending. 3) Dorcas still gets nauseous when Marlene touches her. 4) Dorcas now knows what that means. 5) Godrick, she missed when she didn’t know what that meant.

The week with Marlene was excruciating, Dorcas made a full of herself a thousand times over, while Marlene just spoke about anything that came to her mind (Dorcas wishes she didn’t find that so attractive). But, no matter how badly Dorcas messed up, nothing comes close to their last day of divination together. The Professor had bought out crystal balls and asked us all to try to conjure up a happy future memory of us and our seating partner. Dorcas was convinced the furthest future memory she’d find of her and Marlene was graduation day… Godrick, why couldn’t it have been graduation day.

Truth is, Dorcas messed up the conjure. Her heightened emotions must’ve gotten in the way because she’d conjured up a daydream - not a future memory.

“Alright, how do we start this thing?” Marlene asked while juggling the ball in her hands.

“You’re going to drop that.” Dorcas said cooly, trying to keep the panic from reaching her tone.

“Am not.” Marlene spun the ball on her finger to prove a point. Dorcas could feel the anxiety running through her bones.

“Well, put it down anyway because we need it for this.” Dorcas rolled her eyes coldly as if being this close to Marlene wasn’t burning her inside and out. Marlene put the ball on the stand and tapped it.

“What happens now? Do we like- command it to turn on?” Marlene questioned.

“No, we um- well we have to hold hands and both cast the same spell on it at the same time.” Dorcas fought the croaks in her voice away.

“Sweet.” Marlene grabbed onto Dorcas’ hand casually and put her wand to the crystal ball.

If Dorcas could go back in time she’d have never done the spell. They’d both put their wands to the crystal and said the charm in unison; “Beatior quam umquam”. An image lit up across the crystal in an instant. It was Marlene but she was older, her hair was pink at the ends and she had a few piercings. She was talking with Barty casually - as if that’s something they’ve ever done. A few seconds had passed of just Marlene talking to Barty, then Dorcas showed up, she was older too, her hair had little bits of gold braided into it and she had a nose piercing. She’d walked up to Marlene and wrapped her arms around her.

Marlene - the real life one - had turned to look at Dorcas, “Looks like we’re right friends in the future.” She’d smiled brightly. She’d been looking at Dorcas but Dorcas was looking at the crystal. Marlene and Dorcas had stood there holding onto each other before Marlene had leaned up and left a kiss on her lips. Dorcas had kicked the table causing the crystal ball to fall to the ground and smash open. All she’d wanted was for Marlene not to see what she’d accidentally projected into the crystal ball. But, of course Dorcas had forgotten a major rule about crystal balls.

Once the ball hit the floor it cracked open, glass shattered across the floor. Marlene had ran over to start picking up pieces before she was stopped by a vision being projected to life in front of them. It was the image from the crystal ball. Right there. Like a holographic picture happening right in front of them. Dorcas doesn’t remember what happened next, all she remembers is running to Pandora and crying to them.

Dorcas and Marlene didn’t talk again until the bet. After the bet started, it’s like Marlene was pushing herself into all aspects of Dorcas’ life. Dorcas saw her everywhere. Marlene was talking to her constantly. Sending her letters in the middle of the night. Sneaking around the corridors with her. Everyday was filled with Marlene. All her senses had grown accustomed to Marlene. Everyday with Marlene was etched into her mind scene by scene, as if a transcriber had sat through it all. Everyday with Marlene, except for last night. Every moment with Marlene, except for the one that landed her curled up in Dorcas’ bed.

While Dorcas sat there scrapping her mind for any details of last night, Marlene woke up, shuffling next to Dorcas. Dorcas looked down and was met with big brown almond eyes. Dorcas felt her cheeks heat up.

“Mornin’, you sleep alright?” Marlene stretched out like a cat. “Think I slept in a weird position, my neck hurts.” She yawned.

“Yeah, we did fall asleep in a pretty weird position.” Dorcas felt guilt gnawing at her stomach.

“Yeah? What’d you wake up to that was so weird.” Marlene grinned up at her with that big cheshire cat smile of hers.

“Same way you did.” Dorcas laughed awkwardly but passed it off as confidence.

“I woke up hugging you?” Marlene stated, confusion in her tone.

“Yeah, I don’t know how that happened. Sorry, by the way.” Dorcas apologised.

“‘Sorry’? You’re apologising? Why are you apologising?” Marlene’s smile dropped immediately. “You don’t remember last night…. You don’t remember last night, do you?” Marlene pressed.

“Honestly, no, not really. I remember leaving the party and coming back to mine with you… that’s pretty much it.” Dorcas admitted. Marlene's face immediately lost all emotion, going back to neutral. The only thing exposing her true feelings were her deep flushed cheeks. “I’m sorry. Did something happen last night that I’m supposed to remember?” Dorcas asked.

“No, nothing of importance.” Marlene pushed herself up from the bed, making her way to the door in seconds.

“Wait!” Dorcas sprung up and shut the door before Marlene ran off. “I’m sorry I don’t remember. I- I was drunk- I think? I don’t know. I’m sorry.” Dorcas apologised.

“That’s fine. It wasn’t important.” Marlene lied.

“No, no, no, it clearly was important. What did I miss?” Dorcas pleaded.

“Oh, nothing. You know, just me pouring out all my feelings and you reciprocating. As I said; nothing of importance.” Marlene’s words shot to kill.

She turned to storm out again but Dorcas held the door shut and turned her back around to face her, “Please, just stop. I’m sorry, I was drunk. Obviously what you said wasn’t nothing and I’m sorry I forgot it but I need to hear it again… if it’s what I think it is I can’t let you go without telling me.” Dorcas begged.

“I already told you, Cass. It’s not my fault you forgot it.” Marlene spat angrily but tears welled at the corners of her eyes.

“I know, I know, it’s my fault and I’m sorry, I’m an idiot. Can you lecture me about it later?”

“Lecture you about it lat- Dorcas, I told you everything. I opened up about how I feel- I never do that… I don’t think you understand that I never ever tell people how I feel but I told you. I told you exactly how I felt and you forgot it.” Marlene’s tears threatened to spill.

“I know, I know, I’m so fucking sorry. I was drunk, Marlene. Please.”

“I just- Do you seriously not remember?” Marlene looked up at her with pleading eyes.

“No, I don’t.” Dorcas felt the guilt eating away at her.

“You took me back to yours because the party was getting too much… you let me sleep in the guest room but-”

“But it was storming and you don’t like storms, so you came in here.” Dorcas recalled.

“Yes! So, you do remember?” Marlene sounded hopeful.

“Partially?”

“Well, I’ll lead you along then… maybe you’ll keep remembering.”

“Why can’t you just tell me again?” Dorcas asked.

“Because It was hard enough the first time, Cass.” Marlene admitted. “Anyways, so I came in here and you let me stay the night, do you remember what happened next?”

“No, continue.”

“Well, our backs were pressed against each other and-”

“You moved away… you got up and went to leave- you said it was all too much… What was too much?” Dorcas looked down at her, begging for answers.

“I couldn’t do it, Dorcas. I couldn’t sit there that close to you and just act like it was all okay. I couldn’t pretend like all I felt was nothing.” Marlene admitted.

“You- You gave me something. What did you give me?” Dorcas turned on her heels and ran over to her bedside table, looking through her drawers. “A letter? You gave me a letter? What’s it about?”

“Read it.”

“Read it to me.” Dorcas asked.

“Can’t you read or somethin?” Marlene remarked.

“I’d rather hear you read it.” Dorcas admitted.

Marlene’s cheeks flushed, she walked over and plucked the letter from Dorcas’ grip. “Fine.” Marlene walked over and sat on the bed, expecting Dorcas to follow. She did, of course. “It’s- I wrote it a while ago… remember the night we broke into Mcgonagall’s office to steal back a spelled quill she confiscated?” Marlene asked, Dorcas nodded in reply. “Well, I wrote this that night… I couldn’t sleep, so I wrote to you.”

“You never sent it?”

“It was late.”

“You always send me owls at night, it’s nothing out of the ordinary.”

“It’s- I wasn’t ready…”

“And you’re ready now?”

“If you’d have me.” Marlene admitted, barely above a whisper.

“Read it.” Dorcas told her.

Marlene drew in a shaky breath, “‘Dear Dorcas, I had a lot of fun tonight, thanks for getting back my quill. The best part though, was definitely running from Mrs Norris. You grabbed onto my hand and pulled me along with you. We were screaming like madmen, do you remember?’” Marlene’s voice shook, “‘I wish we could do stuff like that forever. Do you think we’ll know each other forever? I think we’ll know each other forever. We have to know each other forever, there’s no other logical reason for me to feel the way I do if it wasn’t forever. Sometimes when we’re together all I can think of is…’” Marlene looked up and Dorcas softly, “‘Why am I only doing all this now? Why haven’t you been here since the start? Why are we only now running from crazed cats and stealing quills from teachers offices now? Where have you been all this time? Who kept you from me?’” Marlenee looked back down to the letter, “‘Do you ever think those things, Cass? Do you even believe in forever? If you don’t, I’ll convince you to believe in it… at least I’d like to be the person who makes you believe there's a forever.’” Marlene’s voice shook as she recited her own words, “‘I don’t want anyone else to teach you about forever… I don’t think I want you to have forever with anyone who isn’t me.’”

Marlene looked back up at Dorcas for a small second, “‘You were beautiful tonight, Cass.’” Marlene looked back down at her letter with flushed cheeks, “‘I wish you’d seen you, Dorcas. You’d think you were beautiful too. I thought you were beautiful. Did you think I was beautiful?” Marlene’s voice shook, “Or handsome, or dashing, or pretty or anything but ugly… Actually, I’m okay with you thinking I’m ugly, at least you’re thinking of me. Any press is good press, right? Do you think of me, Dorcas?’” Marlene looked up at Dorcas with longing eyes, “‘Yours only, Marlene.’”

“You never sent it…” Dorcas sat dazed staring at Marlene. “Why didn’t you send it?”

“You would’ve stopped talking to me.”

“I would’ve started talking to you MORE.” Dorcas exaggerated. “Have you written me other unsent letters?”

“.... Maybe…” Marlene admitted.

“Oh, you have to let me read them.”

“No.”

“Marlssss.”

“No. I’d literally rather die.” Marlene folded the letter up to put in her pocket.

Dorcas snatched the letter from her hand, “Oh no, this is mine.” Dorcas sang.

“What? Cass, give it back!” Marlene reached over to grab it. “It’s mine.” Marlene protested.

“Doesn’t that mean it’s mine then?” Dorcas quirked her eyebrow at her.

“What?”

Dorcas opened up the letter dramatically, “If I’ve read this correctly it says, ‘Yours only, Marlene.’ Now I’m no stifler for wording and grammar and all that shit butttt, if I’ve read that right, which I have, if you’re mine and the letters yours by extension it’s also mine.” Dorcas sang.

Marlene lunged at Dorcas trying to snatch the letter from her hands, “You’re such an ass! You can’t use my stupid rose coloured glasses words against me!”

“Oh, but I can.” Dorcas joked. Marlene lunged at the letter but this time tripping over her feet, Dorcas caught her and held her up. Marlene looked up at her and looked genuinely upset. “Marls? What’s wrong? I thought we were okay now?”

“We are.” Marlene lied.

“You don’t look okay.”

“We are fine. I am not. There’s a difference.” Marlene threw her a fake smile.

“What’s bothering you?” Dorcas pressed.

“I guess drunk you just feels more for me than sober you… I got accustomed to that, maybe? So, now this just feels like I’ve lost.” Marlene admitted.

“Lost?”

“Well, last night, even though it was brief and just cuddling, I got to feel what it would be like to have you… now, having you the way I do just feels like a loss.”

“But you do have me-”

“It’s not the same-”

“But it is! Marlene, I am as much yours as you are mine. I’m sorry I’m not good at saying things like this, maybe my drunk self was better? But here’s my shitty sober attempt at it. I’m yours, Marlene. I do believe in forever and my forever is yours.” Dorcas held tightly to Marlene’s waist.

“Mine?” Marlene drew in a breath, moving in closer to Dorcas, practically pressing herself to her. “Like, really, really, mine?”

“Yours only.” Dorcas mimicked Marlene’s letter.

Marlene stepped onto her tip toes, reaching up to press her lips to Dorcas’. Dorcas pulled her in by her waist tightly. Marlene broke the kiss first, throwing her arms around the back of Dorcas’ neck. “Now that that’s over, can we please go back to bed, I’m dying.” Marlene droned.

“Anything you want, Mon seul.” Dorcas whispered by her ear.

“You speak French?”

“Yeah, Reggie taught me back in third year because I had a massive crush on his cousin and was trying to flirt with her. My French sucks though.” Dorcas admitted.

“What’d you say then?” Marlene giggled.

“‘Mon seul’ means; ‘My only.’” Dorcas smiled, pressing another soft kiss to Marlene's smirk.

“Mon seul.” Marlene repeated in butchered French, while pulling Dorcas back over to bed. “I like that.” Marlene decided.

“Do you, now?” Dorcas raised her eyebrows at her, pulling her down into bed with her. Dorcas wrapped her arms around Marlene and pressed a small kiss to her forehead, “Mon seul, mon seul, mon seul.” Dorcas whispered on like a broken record smothering Marlene in kisses.

Notes:

yall tmrw ima post a chapter but im also posting a wolfstar 1 chapter fic tmrw its very small and all about piano playin sirius writin songs and shit

yall should def read it when i put it out tmrw

ALSO GO LOOK AT MY NEW JEGULUS DRAWING I DID ( insta: messersbrainrot ) (tumblr: moonystoast1971 )

Chapter 17: Chapter 17

Summary:

stop interpreting things and just fucking ask what the other person meant

Notes:

HI SCHOOLS BEEN KICKING MY ASS SORRY FOR NOT POSTING BUTTTTTT THERES ONLY 6 CHAPTERS LEFT SO IMA TRY KNOCK EM ALL OUT THIS WEEK

HOPE UR ALL DOING LOVELY

this chapters a bit of a mess

 

also - random ass note- subliminals fucking work????? who knew this and didnt tell me?? like this shit works??????????? im gen in shock anyways have a good day lovely humans

Regulus~

Regulus woke up to the sound of his doorknob and the scent of coffee and blueberry pancakes filling the air. Regulus sat up to see James putting breakfast on his bedside table, and smiling down at him softly.

“Morning!” James exclaimed.

Regulus looked over at him exasperatedly, groggily whipping the sleep from his eyes, “Why are you in my room bringing me food at 9am?”

“Well, you were really helpful last night, so I thought I’d repay you with some breakfast in bed.” James explained.

“You don’t have to repay me for that, James.”

“Well then it’s not repayment, it’s sorry.” James decided.

“Sorry? Why would you need to say sorry?”

“I know that was a lot… that whole breakdown was so stupid and I shouldn’t have bought you into it. You didn’t deserve to have your first muggle party ruined and I am genuinely sorry. Honestly, the whole meltdown was just me being dramatic, I’m sorry, lovely.” Regulus felt his cheeks heaten at the nickname. James smiled at him as if the things he was saying were happy little memories.

“James, it wasn’t dramatic, it wasn’t stupid and I don’t need an apology.” Regulus replied, looking up at James solemnly.

“But I am sorry. I shouldn’t have broken down like that.” James avoided his eyes, looking anywhere but.

“That’s not fair to you. Jamie, you’re allowed to feel.” Regulus patted the bed next to him, James sat down next him, moving in close.

“I know I’m allowed to feel, I just can’t be selfish with it.” James explained.

“Selfish? What’s crossing the line of selfishness?” Regulus asked.

“I don’t know… I guess, maybe when it affects someone else? Like how it affected you last night-”

“It didn’t affect me. Did last night feel like you’d affected me?” Regulus placed his hand on James’ knee, trying to sooth him.

“Yes.” James’ answer came out dazed, he was staring down at Regulus’ hand.

“James, just because I stop what I’m doing to be there with you does not mean it’s ‘affected’ me, that’s stupid. If I came to you for help with something like that, would it bother you? Would it bother you if I needed you?” Regulus didn’t mean to ask the question with so much feeling behind it but the question did scare him, did James see his feelings as burdensome too?

“What? No, of course not.” James’ attention snapped back up to Regulus, he looked offended.

“Then again, this is stupid. This whole idea you’ve made in your head of your emotions being burdens is just stupid. If me coming to you is perfectly fine but you coming to me is horrible then that’s stupid and unfair. It’s so stupid.” Regulus droned on. “Do things like this happen to you a lot?”

James looked stunned staring up at Regulus. “Not like yesterday, no.”

“Come to me next time, alright? I want you to come to me, it’s not a burden, Jamie. I want you to come to me. I’m asking you to because I want you to.” James was looking at him as if he’d grown a second head, as if someone wanting to care for him was some major shock. “Do you not speak to Sirius about this stuff?” Regulus asked.

“I don’t want to bother him… It’s not that he wouldn’t let me, he just already has his own stuff to deal with, I’m not about to add to that, Reg.” James’ eyes became glassy but he smiled at Regulus as if they were joking around with each other.

“I guarantee you he doesn’t think of it like that. But, if you’re convinced he would then I’m here. Please, Jamie, I need you to trust I’m here for you.” Every word felt like a slap in the face but Regulus meant it all.

“Reggie… Am I allowed to hug you?” James whispered to him. Regulus nodded, letting James pull him in. James held onto him, running his fingers through his hair and breathing him in. James’ breaths were jagged but he seemed to calm with each stroke through Regulus’ hair. Regulus didn’t understand how he could bring comfort to anyone let alone the sun itself. The stars and sun don’t interact, yet here Regulus was in the arms of James. James eventually let go of him, “Thank-”

“No, I don’t want thank you’s from you.” Regulus cut him off.

“Okay, okay, fine, I don’t thank you.” James smiled down at him widely, “Anyways, hurry up and eat your breakfast. I owe you another skating lesson.” Regulus’ mind lapsed, he’d completely forgotten they’d been doing them in the first place.

“Oh- Uh, it’s okay, I think I’m set.” Regulus lied.

“Set? You literally know nothing.” James laughed.

Regulus couldn’t think of an excuse so he agreed and went on with it. While he was eating he realised he still hadn’t asked about Marlene and the lesson would be a perfect time to do that.

—---------------------------------

 

James~

 

James brought Regulus to the backyard behind the big greenhouse because he didn’t want Sirius to see him fall. They’d been just going over everything they’d done before when Regulus stopped himself by holding onto James’ shoulders. Their faces were so close together James could feel his breath mingling with his own. The closeness was driving him crazy, being next to Regulus has become so hard to maintain without giving into him completely. Acting as if he wouldn’t rip apart his heart if Reg had asked him too is a challenge.

“How’s Marlene?” Regulus asked casually as if this was a normal topic for them.

“Marlene? Like, Marlene McKinnon?” James questioned, confusion in his tone.

“Is there any other Marlene?” Regulus laughed, Godrick, James loved his laugh.

“She’s uh- She’s good?” James answered, “Anyways, let’s get back on th-”

“She keeping up with quidditch in the hols?” Regulus asked.

“Maybe? I don’t know? Anyways-”

“How’s her brother doing? Marvin, right?” Regulus smiled at him but his eyes were searching his own for answers.

“Martin. He’s okay, I’m not sure? I don’t really talk to him, we’ve never been close.” James tried to pull Regulus over to the board subtly, wanting to get off the conversation of Marlene.

“And her parents?” Regulus resisted his urges to change the topic.

“I don’t know? Last time I saw Mr and Mrs McKinnon they were fine. Can we get back to what we were doing now?” James asked.

“Yeah, yeah, in a second. So Marlene, what’s she into?” Regulus asked. Into? Into? James could feel his mind spiralling.

“Into? In what way?” James felt the urgency in his tone.

“Whatever way you have the answers for.” Regulus laughed.

“This is weird, let's get back to what we were doing.” James suggested though it sounded more like a demand. Regulus followed along with him and let him change the topic back to skating, that was until five minutes later when Marlene’s name for some reason came back up.

“So… Marlene, what’s she like to talk about?” Regulus asked another question about Marlene.

“I don’t know? Why does it matter?” James pressed.

“Dunno’. Just does.” Regulus ended.

James felt his face heat up, he felt stupid. “That’s it then? No more about Marlene?”

“Well, technically I have more to say but if you want to move on…” Regulus looked up at him with his big silver eyes and of course James gave in. How could he not? When Regulus looked at him like that, he could get anything he wanted.

“We normally talk about quidditch and music, she hates personal conversation. She doesn’t like talking about school, it stresses her out. I don’t know what else to tell you.” James supplied.

“What’s she into?” Regulus asked again.

“I don’t know what you mean by that.” James felt angry, he’s never felt angry like this about Marlene. There's never been a reason to.

“Like, you know? What’s she into? Like, romantically.” Regulus said it as if it was nothing, as if he wasn’t practically killing James.

“So it’s her? She’s the girl?” James asked.

Regulus reeled back, “What? What gir- Oh- No, she’s not.” Regulus stuttered. James felt stupid, he felt so fucking stupid.

“Well good. She shouldn’t be the girl.” James tried to bite back his anger and jealousy from tipping into his words.

“Excuse me? Why’s that?” Regulus squinted his eyes together.

“She's not into- She wouldn’t be into you because she- she likes taller people, you’re not her type. She also only likes brown eyes.” James lied, suddenly angry at himself for almost giving out Marlene’s secret.

Regulus smiled mischievously, “Okay. Well, lucky for me, she’s not my girl.” ‘My’? James felt the heat rush to his cheeks. He wanted to fight someone. ‘My girl’ what the fuck does that mean? ‘My girl’ she’s not his…. He’s not hers, James can’t let him be hers because he’s already his. Well, he’s never actually been his has he? He’s more her’s than he’s ever been his. James felt angry jealous tears fighting their way to his eyes.

“Well, she’s not anyone's girl, is she? Definitely not yours.” James seethed while biting back tears. James wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. He wanted to tell Regulus to never go near him again, to leave his life and let him go back to how he was before him… how was he before him? Was there a before him? Is there even such a thing as James not having Regulus? James wanted to run off and become a recluse…. Maybe Reggie might want to run off and be a recluse with him. James wants to take him far away from here, far away from her. He can’t be hers, he’s meant to be his. How could he not be his? Was it not supposed to end in them?

James fought the urge to rub at his eyes.

 

—---------------------------

 

Regulus~

 

“Well, she’s not anyone's girl, is she? Definitely not yours.” James rolled his eyes, brushing Regulus off.

Regulus felt his heart contrap. ‘Definitely not yours’ Godrick, if only he knew. Does he know? Is that why he said it? Does he know just how much he means to him? Is this his way of telling him he knows and telling him to fuck off?

No… no, he wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do everything he does for him if he wanted him to go. This morning? Was it a goodbye? A nice exit? Is that all this is?

No, no that can’t happen. The sun can’t just stop rising. That doesn’t happen. The sun has to shine… but it will still shine, won’t it? Just not on Regulus.

Regulus felt the tears race to his eyes, he had to make his exit before James could do it first. “Whatever. Go fuck yourself, Potter.” Regulus turned on his heels to stomp off but looked over his shoulder once more, “You can calm the fuck down too, I’m not going for your mate. My girl’s Emmeline.” Regulus stormed off.

Emmeline? He had no idea where it’d come from, he’d just gotten so angry and she was the first name he could justify using. He felt the tears stream down his cheeks before he could even begin to think about stopping them.

Notes:

HOPE U ENJOYEDDDDDDDD

 

IF UVE STUCK AROUND FOR THIS WHOLE FIC TYSM LOMLS <3

 

ALSO U SHOULD TOTALLY GO CHECK OUT MY 1 CHAPTER WOLFSTAR FIC <3

Chapter 18: Chapter 18

Summary:

this chapter feels like a HR meeting on building relations

Notes:

pov: author gets off his ass and finishes a chapter

 

fr tho, sorry for the lack of updates tysm for sticking with me guys ilysm

 

UNEDITTED IGNORE MY MISTAKES YALL 😭

James~

Regulus has avoided him for 2 days. It doesn’t seem like much but to James it’s felt like an eternity of torture. He’s tried to talk to him but Reg just acts like he’s not there, it’s killing him. He didn’t realise just how much he relied on Regulus’ presence, just how much he needed it. So he went to the only person he could think of that could actually help him; Remus. Remus has been around the manor a lot more this holiday, mainly to be near Sirius. So, separating the two is going to be a challenge, especially because Sirius would just want to be in the conversation. Normally that wouldn’t be a problem, except it’s Regulus, Sirius would kill him if he knew.

Remus, Peter and Lily have been at the manor all day, so James just had to get Remus separated. Unluckily for Remus, James is horrible at subtlety, “Rem, can I tal-”

“James, can I pull you away for a second?” Lily cut him off.

“Uh- sure, Lils.” James agreed. James got up and followed her off to the kitchen.

Lily sat up on the counter while James awkwardly sat by her on the counter stools. She smiled down at him softly, she was so inviting and safe, it was part of the reason he liked her. Now he sat here, staring at her, trying to understand why he felt nothing more than admiration and friendship. “I really wanted to say thanks for last night, you were so helpful, honestly i don’t know what I would've done if you weren’t there for me.” Lily smiled down at him, holding onto his hand.

“It’s okay, Lils. You don’t need to thank me, I would’ve done it even if it wasn’t you.” James told her.

“Isn’t that even more reason for me to thank you? You would’ve done it even if you didn’t know the girl crying, I can’t not thank you for that.” She decided.

“Do you wanna talk about the whole Mary thing?” James asked.

“No, saying too much about it will just make me sad and I’m in a good mood, I don’t intend to ruin that.” James nodded, ready to move on. “Though… I do have to ask. Do you understand why I always said ‘no’ now?” She looked down at him, guilt and assertion fighting for a front on her face.

“A lot more than you know, Lils.” He gave her a sad smile attempting to be happy.

“And if I told you I did know?” She confessed.

“What?” James looked up at her alarmed.

“Regulus, right?” She smiled at him knowingly.

“What- how did you- what?” James stuttered.

“You’ve never been good at hiding how you feel, James.” She explained.

“How long have you known? Does Sirius know?” James felt the anxiety crawling up his throat.

“Since your first ‘lesson’ with him, you came to breakfast the next morning all excited and jittery just talking about Regulus. And no, Sirius doesn’t know. You're obvious but not obvious enough for Sirius to realise, he’s quite oblivious.” Lily joked. “I may have already known but I do want to know how it happened. Tell me about him.” Lily asked.

“Godrick Lils, how much time you got?” James laughed.

“... A summary then?” Lily chuckled.

“Where do I start?”

“Where did it start?”

“I’m not sure to be honest… I’ve thought on it a lot, I think I’ve felt it for a while… a long while. I guess I’ve always felt it, it’s always been there. Merlin, Lily even when I loved you I was searching for him. He’s always been just there, constantly. But it only got really serious when we started hanging out this year… Merlin, I’ve never met anyone like him… he’s everything that everyone else claims to be but more. I’m so crazy about him, Lils.” James confessed, taking in a deep breath coming up for air in his own personal ocean of Regulus Black.

“So, you love him?” Lily beamed up at him.

James felt stuck in place, stunned. “Love?” James looked up at her, “Love? Love is a very very big word, Lils.” James decided.

“Well, does his name and love feel right in the same sentence?” Lily asked. James always loved how smart she was.

James sat back repeating the words in his head. Words? Those weren’t words. Not to him. James sucked in a sharp shaky breath, looking up at Lily as if he’d just committed a crime. “Lily, I love him. I love Regulus Black…” James felt his throat close up. “Merlin, I love him so much. I love him more than Sirius would ever be okay with… I love him. Merlin, I want him. I need him.” James wiped at his eyes, he felt so dramatic but how could he act normal right now? Especially when his mind was imagining Sirius’ face full of betrayal watching his best friend confess his love to his little brother.

“Why was it so easy for you to say you loved me? Why not Regulus?” Lily asked, laying a comforting hand on James’ knee.

“Because… even if there was no chance of us being together, at least if we ever did I’d know we could. Sirius would kill me before letting me have him and Merlin, I want him. I can never have him…” James choked out. Lily pulled him down into her arms, caressing his hair. “Lily… He loves someone else… I want her dead but I would die to be her… Why not me? Why not me, Lily?” Lily held him tightly, whispering to him softly.

“It’s okay, it’s all going to be okay. One day you won’t feel this. It’ll all be okay. I swear it.” Lily promised.

“This isn’t fair…. Lily, I always thought I wanted it to end up as you and me. Why am I here?” James rubbed at his eyes leaving a harsh sting behind.

“James, an 11 year old wrote that ending, change the ending. We aren’t kids anymore.” Lily told him while holding him close. “Godrick, an 11 year old that didn’t even actually believe the words he was saying made that ending .” Lily laughed.

“I’m so sorry about all that bullshit, Lils. I was horrible, you didn’t deserve that. Now that I think back on it all I feel horrible. I don’t even think I realised what I was doing… How it could hurt you… I’m sorry. Honestly, I love you so much more as my friend.” Just apologised.

“Good, that’s all I’ve ever wanted of you. I never wanted to be this dream girl of yours, I just wanted to be your friend.” She o admitted, now sniffling too.

“Lily, as my friend, can you tell me what to do? How to fix this? How to make it better?” He sniffled.

“Talk to him. Just talk. Nothing dramatic, just words.”

“Words to Regulis are dramatic.” James laughed.

“He’s quite the silent type, isn’t he?”

“Yeah… yeah he is.” James smiled. “Sorry, we’ve been talking about me and Regulus for so long… How’s Mary?”

“How much time you got?” Lily joked.

“As long as you’d like.”

“Godrick James, she’s Mary. You do realise that means I’d like to talk about her for a very very long time.” Lily laughed but her eyes shone with fondness.

“Well then, tell me where it started. First year?” James guessed.

“No, I didn’t quite like her in first year…” Lily admitted.

“What? But, you two were so close?”

“No we weren’t. I was close with Marlene and she was close with Marlene, so by extension we were together too.” Lily explained.

“Why didn’t you like her?” James asked, sitting in closer.

“Because everyone liked her… I don’t know, I guess I wanted to go against the grain. I wanted to be the only person who didn’t like Mary Macdonald. How stupid do I look now, falling all over the place every time she gives me any sort of attention.” Lily laughed sadly.

“When’d you start liking her?”

“4th year, after I stopped talking to Sev. Everyone had just agreed it was for the best and didn’t even try to help… oh, but not Mary. Mary sat with me all night, letting me sit there and cry over a boy who meant everything to me. She was there because she thought we were friends and that's what friends do. Merlin, I’ve never seen Mary as a friend. It’s like my mind can’t compute it? Does that make sense? I went from down right hating her and everything she touched to falling for all her silly charms overnight.”

“Does she know any of that?” James picked up Lily’s hand.

“No and she never will. She’ll hate me for it, James. I can’t lose her. It’s better this way anyway.” Lily lied.

“Well aren’t we just great at this whole romance thing.” James joked.

“Stunning. Godrick, Hogwarts should be happy we already have our sights set on our respective people because if we didn’t we’d be taking everyone's lovers.” She laughed.

“Of course, of course, no one would have any hope with us there. Dynamic duo we are. I’ll send all the girls your way and you send all the guys my way.” James stuck his hand out jokingly.

“But everyone in between is free game, sorry James, you’re losing that part to me.” Lily shook his hand.

James pulled his most exaggerated shocked face he could muster, “How could I ever stand a chance next to your 7 year process of hating someone for no reason at all to falling full throttle in love with them.”

Lily laughed, pushing him jokingly, “You twat.” She rolled her eyes, “How would I ever get any of these people when I have your seven year process of loving someone and not realising it at all.”

“Oh, stuff you!” James laughed, pushing her back softly until they’d fallen into a full playful fight in the kitchen. James threw up a white tablecloth once Lily had held him in a headlock. “You win! You win!” James laughed.

“Merlin, you messed up my hair.” Lily laughed.

James sat staring at Lily as she fixed her hair using a spoon as a mirror. Everything fell into place. This is how it was meant to be, him and Lily. They were never meant to be some show stopping couple and he’s glad they weren’t because to have Lily like that would be to her like this. This was perfect. He and Lily.

 

—————————————————

 

The second Lily and he split ways, James went searching through the whole manor for Regulus. It took 30 minutes but he’d found him, cooped up in a dusty chair in the attic.

“Reggie?” James called out, startling him.

“What do you want?” Regulus called back coldly.

“I just wanted to see if you were okay… I haven’t seen you in a few days.” James felt his heart beating in his throat.

“Good.” Regulus didn’t even look up at him.

“Reggie, I don’t completely understand what I did… but I know that it really hurt you, so for that I’m sorry.” James crouched at the edge of the couch, looking up at Regulus with pleading eyes.

Regulus drew in a quick breath, letting it out in a shaky haze as if he’d just lost a battle. “It’s fine. Forget it even happened, it’s fine.”

“Really? You’re not just saying that, right?” James asked.

“No, really just forget about it.” Regulus assured.

“I know this doesn’t really change anything but I am really sorry.”

“I know you are.”

“Can I stay? I really want to stay with you, I miss you.” James pleaded.

“Fine, do what you want.” Regulus replied coldly.

James beamed, pulling up a rusty old attic chair next to Regulus’.

 

—------------------------------------------

 

Regulus~

 

“Can I stay? I really want to stay with you, I miss you.” James lied. Regulus knew Sirius probably sent him up here trying to coax Regulus into coming down or something.

“Fine, do what you want.” Regulus replied coldly, fighting back his own treacherous heart.

James smiled up at him, though the whole thing felt like a lie. He pulled up a chair that was caked in dust. “What are you reading?” James asked, feigning his care.

“‘Bonjour Tristesse.’” Regulus answered.

“Is that muggle?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s it about?”

“A girl.” Regulus felt his heart contrapting, he wanted to stay mad at James but also wanted to just curl up in his arms and talk his ear off about the wonderful minds of muggle authors.

“I thought you said it was fine, why are you still hating me?” James asked. Regulus loved the way he talked sometimes, sometimes he makes him just want to shrink down and walk around his mind and see all his thoughts moving around and articulating into the pretty little words he says.

“We are fine and I’m not hating you, I’d just like for you to not be near me right now.”

“That feels like hate.”

“Well, that’s your mind's fault for viewing it that way.” Regulus brushed him off.

“When will you want me back around again?” James looked up at him sadly, pulling at the strings of Regulus’ already fraying blanket of self control.

“I don’t know.” Regulus replied avoiding James’ eyes knowing if he looked back he’d crumble for him.

“Reggie?” James called out from the small space between their two chairs.

Regulus looked up at him on instinct, “Yes?”

“Can you let me know… you know, when you want me around again.” James looked so insecure, Regulus knows he’s not used to not being instantly wanted around.

“Yeah, I will.” Regulus promised.

James smiled and put his chair back to where it was, he made his way over to the attic steps, “I’ll see you then, then?” James smiled at him but it was a sad smile.

“You will.” Regulus promised. James smiled one more time then made his way out. Regulus let out a breath he didn’t even realise he was holding in. He went back to reading but the words on the page weren’t making sense, every sentence he read was blurred through with the vision of James sitting across from him asking him questions. Regulus got through a page before he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. He silently hoped it was James here to bug him again, he felt betrayed when Remus came into view.

“Hey.” Now Regulus was certain Sirius was sending them all up.

“Hello.” Regulus replied blandly.

Remus pulled up a chair, the same one James had just used. Regulus wanted to push him off it. Remus plucked the book out of his hands, “You’re an ass sometimes, you know? Read later.”

Regulus rolled his eyes, “What do you want?”

“Just wanted to talk-”

“Get to the point or I will push you off that chair.” Regulus threatened.

“Well, I realised I never thanked you.” Remus admitted.

“Thanked me? For what?”

“Helping me with Sirius.” Remus answered. Silence took over them as they both looked at each other awkwardly.

“Well?”

“What?”

“You implied you were going to thank me.”

“That was the thank you?” Remus looked so confused.

“What? Acknowledging you never thanked me was your thanks? You and My brothers' fights must mull over amazingly.” Regulus quipped.

“They do.” Remus lied.

“So, you’ve acknowledged the fact you haven’t thanked me, are you leaving now?” Regulus asked even though he wasn’t completely hating Lupin’s presence.

“I’m sure a few more minutes with me won’t kill you.” Remus rolled his eyes.

“Oh but it would.” Regulus said sarcastically, making Remus laugh.

“Fine, I’ll cut to the chase again. Reg, I’m saying this because you helped me a lot… like you don’t even realise what you did for me. And as much as it pains me to say it, you’re not all that terrible, for some reason I don’t hate being around you. Also, this thing is gonna hurt you and if it hurt you it’d hurt Sirius… especially if the reason you were hurt was his best friend.”

“What are you saying? Stop dancing around it, just say it.” Regulus pressed.

“End this stupid thing with James. This whole ‘girl’ situation is so stupid. You’re hurting yourself for no reason.” Remus explained.

“It’s not for no reason.” Regulus defended.

“Yes it is, because whatever stupid reason you’re going to try to give me now doesn’t make sense.”

“I’m not ending it.” Regulus reinstated.

“So you’re just going to sit here and lie to him? Telling him he’s helping you with some girl while you sit here and spend all your time with him wanting more of him. That’s not fair to you.” Remus seemed to actually care but Regulus knew it was all because of Sirius by extension.

“I’m fine with that arrangement.”

“And when he gets a girlfriend? When he doesn’t have time for you anymore because he’s spending all his time with her? When he asks for her to start joining you guys when you hang out? What then, Reg?” Remus asked, practically begging Regulus to realise shit he’s already known for ages.

“What do you suppose I do then, Lupin? Please tell me because I would love to hear your clearly superior opinion.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“End it. End it all. If not for you, for Sirius’ sake. Just end it, Reg.”

“I don’t want to hurt him… he’ll blame himself. I can’t let him blame himself for another thing, he already blames himself for every other stupid thing on this Earth.” Regulus felt like crying, then felt like a massive idiot for wanting to cry over this.

“He’ll understand eventually, just give it time. End it, Reg.”

“Fine… I’ll do it tonight.” Regulus decided, wishing away his threatening tears.

“Good.” Remus handed his book back to him. “Hey, Reg?”

“Yeah.” Regulus didn’t look up at him, just stared down at his closed book.

“You're Sirius’ little brother and he means a lot to me and you mean a lot to him, I want us to be friends.”

“Why?”

“Well I don’t know about you but I intend on being in SIrius’ life for as long as possible, pretty sure you’re gonna be there too.” Remus reasoned.

“Fine, but don’t expect some big ‘Marauders’-esk friendship out of me.” Regulus rolled his eyes, brushing Remus off.

“Oh no, of course not.” Remus joked. “So, can I stay a while?” Remus asked.

“I’m reading.” Regulus didn’t understand why he was trying, it’s not like Sirius cares much.

“So am I.” Remus pulled out a book, Regulus’ eyes lit up.

“Holy shit! Is that Children Of Dune? That’s literally so new, how the fuck did you get it? Last I heard they were printing more copies because they underestimated the buyout!” Regulus didn’t mean to get so excited but he’d been waiting for the book.

“Lily got it for me. I could lend it to you when I’m done.” He offered.

“Seriously?” Remus nodded. “Sweet, yes- I mean, thanks.” Regulus awkwardly turned back to his book. Remus laughed quietly from the chair across from him. They fell into a comfortable silence, both just reading peacefully.

Notes:

im sad this fics almost over

 

i have another fic ready to be posted right when this ones done so i might as well give yall a little preview (aka ima tell yall the premise) - it's a jegulus fake dating au fic where theyre on holiday with James' family and james tells his aunt whos bugging him about marriage that he's seeing someone *enter regulus black*

(idk if theyre going to be 6th and 7th year again or if i want this to be a collage age fic)

 

so if u for some reason enjoy my writing and shit - u should def check that out when this is done (aka in 4 chapters)

Chapter 19: Chapter 19

Summary:

crying bbg

Notes:

this chapters my uneditted ugly baby - i love it

 

it's come to my attention yall think im a girl so i've come to clear the air and apologise - yes i am in fact a man - i know, i'm grossed out too - incase u did not realise i am also a ✨homosexual✨ anyways live love laugh and all that -ENJOY THE CHAPTER

 

TW!!!!!!!!: body image issues discussed

Regulus~

 

Regulus walked down with Remus to dinner, they’d spent the past few hours reading together, mostly in silence. Sometimes Remus would find something especially outrageous and tell Regulus about it, he loved those times. He didn't think he’d enjoy hearing Remus’ opinions on the things he read but for some reason he’d found himself hoping Remus would talk to him. It’s easy to see why his brother finds the boy so endearing. When they got down to the table Regulus went to take his usual spot next to James and across from Sirius but Remus pulled him over to the seat next to him and Sirius.

“Ending it. Remember?” Remus whispered to him. Regulus wanted to listen but James was looking over at him sadly. Regulus isn’t good at saying no to James, especially not when he looks at him the way he is, with his big brown eyes and soft sad smile.

“Yeah, I know.” Regulus begrudgingly sat by Remus. He shot James a simmer of a smile, James lit up immediately. Regulus was horrible at denying James.

Peter, Sirius and Effy all came in next, all of them stopped and shot Regulus an odd look, as if he was out of place. Lily and Monty came in next, talking loudly about an upcoming quidditch game and the political connotations of the game. Lily sat next to James in Regulus’ usual spot. Regulus clenched his jaw. His spot. His spot next to his James, yet there she sat. Regulus wanted to scream.

Remus nudged his shoulder with his own, “Get it out of your head before you get hurt.”

“I know, I know.” Regulus lied.

Dinner went by quickly, Effy, Sirius and Peter spent the majority of it talking about some incident in the green house. Regulus didn’t hear it, he was too busy staring at her. Lily and James sat there giggling to each other, making snide comments under their breaths - no doubt about Regulus. Regulus felt like screaming but he held it in until dessert.

“Lily, you’ve been awfully quiet, what’s on your mind?” Effy asked her.

“Oh, nothing much. Your son is just trying to make a fool out of me.” She joked, playfully pushing James.

“Am not! Lily’s just being sensitive!” James joked back.

“Oh, really? Who was it who went all red over a joke earlier? I don’t seem to recall, do you, James?” She smirked. Lily and James were back to whispering around to each other again, Regulus felt like throwing his coffee at them.

“Reg.” Remus warned, trying to calm him down.

“I know.” Regulus got up and went to take his plates up to Dotti.

“Regulus, where are you going?” Euphemia called out.

“You didn’t finish your desert.” Fleamont said through a full mouth.

“I lost my appetite.” Regulus shot Lily and James a snarky look.

“Are you feeling alright, son?” Fleamont asked, getting up to take Regulus’ plate from him. Monty put his hand to Regulus’ forehead to check for his temperature, “No fever.” He observed.

“I’m fine. Just not hungry.” Regulus lied.

“Are you sure you don’t feel sick?” Monty asked again, inspecting Regulus’ face as if he’d find the answer there.

“I’m sure.” Regulus looked over at James, he wasn’t looking back - too busy talking to Lily.

“If somethings wrong… come to my office later if you want to talk, don’t forget I’m not just the nurse for the Falmouth Falcons, Karl, Kevin and Basil come to me for emotional help too.” Fleamont reminded him.

“I know but I’m fine.” Regulus insisted.

“Reg, if Karl Broadmoor himself can come to me to talk about his feelings, then I’m certain you can too. You can tell me things, you’re allowed to.” Fleamont assured.

“Okay… maybe.” Regulus lied.

“Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’ll be eating the rest of this.” Fleamont gestured to Regulus’ uneaten cake.

Regulus made his way up the stairs and down the hall, straight to his bedroom. The second the door closed and his music was loud enough to drown him out but not loud enough to disturb everyone else, he sank down to his bed and sobbed. Eventually crying felt useless and non-justifiable enough, so of course, Regulus being Regulus, he gave himself a justifiable reason.

Regulus went and sat alone by the mirror, staring at himself, begging the universe to tell him what was wrong with him. why did James want her and not him, what had he done to deserve this?

His trance was broken by a knock at the door, “Regulus?” James called out. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah.” He called back.

“Hey, you seemed a litt- Why are you on the floor?”

“Why aren’t you?” Regulus deflected.

James laughed, “Okay, anyways, I came up to ask if you wanted to go for a late night skate? Practice, you know?” James asked, crouching down next to Regulus.

“Oh, no, I don’t want to do those anymore.” Regulus lied. “Skating is not for me.”

“What? But- no- what? What about Emmeline?” James stuttered.

“I’m listening to you, finally. You’re right, if she’s going to like me, she’s going to like me for me - not for who I am not. I’m faking a part of me and it’s really just quite a useless waste of my time.” Regulus explained, parroting words Remus would’ve used.

“I’m a waste of your time?” James looked offended.

“Well, you’re only here because of me changing myself for her and as I’ve said; changing myself for her is a waste of time. So, yes James, that renders you wasteful.” Regulus felt horrible lying straight to his face, especially when he was looking at him with his sad brown eyes.

“So, if she wasn’t wasteful neither would I be?” James questioned.

“Yeah, pretty much.” Regulus was going for aloofness but was sure James could see right through him.

“Then she’s not wasteful, Reg! You can still have her! Emmeline’s lovely, Regulus. I think you should keep trying, she’s worth it. She’s not wasteful. Just do it for her.” James said desperately but came to a slow sad stop.

Regulus looked up at James and his heart burned, “I know she’s worth it.” He bit the inside of his cheek, willing away his emotions. “But, I’m not wasting my time anymore, James.”

“Please, Reggie. Please, I’m not wasteful.” James’ voice quivered as his eyes became glassy. “I’ll be useful, I swear. Please, give me a chance to be useful. Please, please, I’m begging you.”

“I’m really busy, Potter. I’m packing to go to Evan’s for a few nights. Can you get out?” Regulus brushed him off as if he wasn’t on the edge of tears himself.

“Potter? Really? Did you seriously just say that?” James’ voice cracked as a tear rolled down his cheek. “So that’s it then? I’ve served my purpose so you’re telling me to go? I’m nothing to you again, is that it?” James wiped at his eyes. “Cool. Fine. Great to know I meant so fucking much to you, Reg.” James got up and paced to the door.

“Close the door on your way out.” Regulus answered, biting back his own tears.

 

—--------------------------------------------------------

 

Regulus had been at the rosiers for a few hours, he hadn’t told anyone about James yet, he wasn’t planning on it. Dorcas sat curled up next to Evan in his bed stealing his chips off him when he wasn;t looking. Barty and Pandora laid cooped up next to Regulus. They’d been watching ‘The Bitter Tears Of Petra Von Kant’ for the past hour, Pandora and Evan had already gotten emotional multiple times.

“This is making me feel rather lonely.” Pandora announced.

“Same.” Regulus agreed.

“Can’t relate.” Dorcas smirked.

“Oh Salazar! That reminds me! Cass, James basically confirmed Marlene likes girls.” Regulus smiled at her despite the mention of James. His friends all bursted out laughing.

“Merlin, Reg! You’ve got to be joking right now!” Barty barked out a laugh.

“What?” Regulus asked.

“Reg, we’re already together! Have you not been listening at all since we got here?” Dorcas laughed.

“Wait, you're together?” Regulus felt a wave of guilt take him over.

“Yeah! Oh my gods you haven’t listened to a single thing that’s been said today, have you?” Dorcas giggled.

“Sorry, I’m awfully tired.” Regulus lied.

“Oi Reg! You’ll be absolutely gobsmacked to find out Evan and Barty are together too!” Pandora yelled.

“Dora, I’m not that clueless.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“It’s just ‘cause you saw them kiss earlier.” They retorted, eyes shining with mischief.

“Oh, bugger off.” Regulus laughed. “Wait, so does this mean Dorcas won the bet?” Regulus asked.

“No? Me and Barty got together first… I think?” Evan guessed.

“No, I think it was us… wait, but you did get with Amos first. Did Evan win?” Dorcas asked.

“No. Ev and that thing don’t count. If Evan’s winning - I’m also winning.” Barty declared before plopping himself between Evan’s thighs.

“Did you guys even decide what makes you win this bet or did you just want to make a bet? If it’s the second part, we need to discuss gambling addictions.” Pandora decided.

“Shit… we didn’t actually think this through at all.” Evan realised.

“Okay, how about we call it a three way tie.” Dorcas stuck her hand out.

“Deal.” Evan and Barty said in unison, shaking her hand.

“Deal!” Pandora jumped up to shake her hand too.

“Dora, you weren’t even in it.” Regulus laughed.

“I know, I just wanted to make a deal too.” They explained.

“And you say we have gambling problems.” Evan poked his siblings head.

“Oi Reg, this means you can finally stop torturing yourself with Potter.” Barty laughed.

“Yeah…” Regulus responded.

Notes:

YALL I UPDATED TWO DAYS IN A ROW GIVE ME A STICKERRRRRRRR

 

kidding ily guys

Chapter 20: Chapter 20

Summary:

he kisses me in public bc he likes my psychic visions

Notes:

UNEDITTED YA'LL

 

THIS CHAPTERS A BIT OF A DARK ONE

I DO APOLOGISE (with tears)

 

ILL PUT THE TRIGGER WARNING IN THE END NOTE IF U WANT TO GO LOOK AT IT BUT IT WILL PROBABLY SPOIL THE CHAPTER BUT IF U DO NEED TRIGGER WARNINGS PLS GO LOOK AT THE END NOTE IMMEDIATELY

Sirius~

They’d all been back at school for two weeks and Sirius was already overrun with divination work. Sirius hated divination but he’d promised Marlene he’d do the class with her, he was prone to stupid decisions. Tuesdays were his least favourite day, he had 3 divination classes, back to back. It’s not all bad, at least Moony and James are in the class next door so they walk with him. Moony walks right by him, their shoulders pressed together. They don’t touch in public, Remus doesn’t want either of them to become targets. James hasn’t said much the whole walk, he’s too busy staring up and down the hall looking for Reg, he’s been avoiding James for some reason. It’s fine, Moony’s been filling the silence.

“So I told her, ‘Melissa, I’m not going to do your charms assignment, I don’t care if it’s bloody half-blood solidarity I’m not doing your work!’ and she was all like ‘ But, Lupin-’ and I cut ‘er off ‘cause what a-load bullshit is that?” Remus complained. Sirius loved it when he got all riled up about stuff, he slipped into a more slurred lazy wales accent, instead of keeping himself all sharp.

“You’re going to help her with it though, right?” Sirius asked.

“‘Course.” Remus rolled his eyes at his own stupidity. “Oi Prongs, say something.”

“Something.” he answered, ducking down a hallway to tap on a dude that looked vaguely like Regulus from behind.

“I’m going to kill my brother next time I see him.” Sirius shrugged as if there was no way of avoiding him yelling at Regulus.

“Leave it, Padfoot.” Moony brushed him off.

“But James is sad. Reggie could stop him from being sad if he just stopped fucking avoiding him.” Sirius whined.

“Leave it alone, Sirius. It’s none of our business.”

“Are you kidding me? This couldn’t be anymore my problem than it is. Reggie’s my brother and James is my best friend, this is my business.” Sirius explained.

“Sirius, don’t put yourself into an issue you don’t understand.” Remus warned. Sirius knew he was covering something up.

“Then you should tell me what you know and understand from the situation so I can jump into it.” Sirius said lightly as if he hadn’t just said what he’d said.

“Why would I know anything?” Remus asked, not denying anything.

“Because you know everything, mon amour.” Sirius buttered him up.

“Okay, yeah I know something but I’m not telling you. I’m not sharing something that isn’t mine to share.” Sirius hated this whole morally right route Remus was taking.

“But Moony-“

“No. I’m not listening to another word because I know you’ll keep going till you know.” Remus explained.

“But Rem, please. You know something about my brother, MY BROTHER. He’s a little shit sometimes, don’t protect him, you should tell me, my moonage daydream.” Sirius bargained.

“No.” Remus looked around the hall before pressing a quick soft kiss to Sirius forehead. “Go to class.” He said before disappearing into the classroom next door.

Marlene walked by pulling James along to his class then coming to a stop by Sirius. “What’s wrong with James? He spent all of transfiguration staring at Emmeline as if she’d ran over his grandmother with a fucking horse drawn carriage.” Marlene complained.

“You couldn’t have worded that in a weirder way.” Sirius laughed.

“Fine I’ll filter my literary descriptive genius for you. James looks sad. What is wrong?” Marlene smirked snarkily.

“I don’t know, no ones telling me anything. At least you don’t know, either.” Sirius reasoned with himself.

“I’m unaware of most things going on around me, so I don’t think you should find any reassurance from that.” Marlene grinned.

“Merlin, can you just let me take it as that?”

“Nope. You ask Rem though, I’m sure he’d know.” Marlene was trying to be helpful, he appreciated that even if it wasn’t working.

“He does know! But he won’t fucking tell me.” Sirius stressed.

“Well, when in divination.” Marlene sang.

“… Would that work?” Sirius asked.

“Only one way to find out, right?” She smirked.

“It’s kind of wrong and invasive though…”

“But,” Marlene held up her hand and gestured to him.

“We’ve never once claimed to be morally correct people.” Sirius continued.

“And,” Marlene gestured again.

“No one will ever know.” Sirius finished.

“Good man, good man!” Marlene clapped him on the back and pulled him into the classroom behind Professor Onai. They took their seats up the back, like usual. Marlene pulled out a quill and Sirius on instinct gave her his hand to sketch on. They both hated divination, so every lesson was filled with Marls drawing away on his hand. She was drawing a frog in a dress when Professor Onai plopped crystal balls down in front of everyone. Marlene lit up immediately, throwing her quill down.

“What if we see something we don’t want to see?” Sirius asked.

“It can’t be that bad.” Marlene replied.

“It could be.”

“It won’t be.”

“But, it could be.”

“But, it won’t be.”

“But, it very well could be.”

“But, you could very well be wrong.”

“And if I’m right?”

“Then you’re right-”

“I’m sorry, am I interrupting you two?” Professor Onai cut off Marlene.

“No, sorry ma’am.” Marlene saluted the professor causing a Ravenclaw girl at the front to giggle, Marlene shot her a show stopping grin.

“Thank you, as I was saying.” Onai continued, rolling her eyes. “The image that’ll come up will most likely be metaphorical, if something happens that seems unnatural or impossible it’s probably because it is.” She explained.

“Wait, fuck- we missed the instructions!” Marlene whisper screamed to him.

“You idiot!” Sirius whispered back.

“Me? You!” She replied.

“Are you kidding me? You totally started that conversation!” Sirius broke the whisper.

“Mr Black! Miss McKinnon! I am trying to help your classmates understand the task at hand and you are interrupting that! Since you know so much, would you like to come up here and show us how it’s done?!” Professore Onai yelled.

Marlene looked at Sirius (who was very ready to back down) and stood up, “Sure Professor, we’d love to!” Marlene smirked.

“We? Who the actual fuck is we?” Sirius whisper screamed to her as she hauled him up to the front.

“Look alive, Sirius! We’re about to embarrass the fuck out of ourselves.” She whispered, giving him a Cheshire cat grin.

“Fucking hell.” He sighed.

Marlene stepped up to the crystal ball and placed her hand on it, “Okay, so it’s quite simple, innit Sirius?” Sirius nodded. “First you’re gonna put your hands on it, like so,” She took her hands off it and put Sirius’ where she’d just moved hers from. “Now you’re gonna….” She looked around the table at all the things Professor Onai had laid out, her eyes lit up when they landed on salt and some other substance. “You’re gonna chuck some salt on your hands, like so.” She doused Sirius’ hands in salt. “Now, you’re going to pour this…. liquid onto your hands as well, like so.” Professor Onai took the liquid out of her hands before it could touch Sirius’ skin.

“That would’ve burnt the skin right off his flesh.” Professor Onai said it as if it wasn’t human skin, Sirius’ human skin. Sirius took his hands off immediately. “Now Miss McKinnon, you can take a seat next to Sybil and watch carefully.”

“I take your criticism and I shoulder it, thank you. You know a lesser person would’ve cried, Sirius nor I did.” She smiled at Professor Onai cheekily, just to be brushed off.

“And you, Mr Black, can stay as my assistant. Maybe you’ll actually focus if the attention is on you.” She added snidely.

“I think your theory might just be right, Ma’am. Dear ol’ Sirius does love when people look at him.” Marlene smirked.

“That I do.” Sirius agreed, blowing Marlene a overexaggerated air kiss.

“Marlene!” Professor Onai called out again. “So, we’ll start with putting your hands on each side of the crystal ball, no salt nor any substances are needed for this, all that’s needed is intent and a spell. Sirius, what is your intent?” Onai asked.

“I’m not sure.”

“Well, what’s something you would like to know right now? Maybe about your future. Or maybe there’s someone in your life you’d like to check in on. Maybe you’d like to know how the next quidit-”

“Regulus!” Sirius cut her off, she gave him a stern look. “Sorry, I meant, I’d like to check in on my brother… if that’s okay?” Sirius asked.

“That’s perfectly fine. Okay, Sirius is going to think of his brother and I’ll perform the spell.” Professor Onai repeated a chant under her breath, staring intently at the crystal ball. Sirius felt his hands tingling and his shoulders tightening. His mind felt intruded on for a split second or maybe it was still feeling that way and he’d just stopped focusing on it the second his brother came into view.

Well, ‘came into view’ isn’t the best way to word it, it’s just his hand. His hand reaching up for something, sun reflected off of his dripping signet ring. Regulus’ hand flexed as he reached out further, desperately. “What’s wrong with him? Why can’t I see him? Why is his hand wet?” Sirius asked, concern in his voice getting more and more intense.

“Sirius, we can’t see him. Only you. Only the person with the intent can see, the rest of us cannot.” Professor Onai explained.

Regulus' hand got pulled down quickly and harshly, SIrius’ breath caught in his throat. For a few seconds it was nothing, then everything shifted, the air felt like it got thicker. Like a movie scene the camera angle moved, aiming down at his little brother, fighting for air while hands pulled him under water. Sirius screamed. Regulus fought against the hands, clawing on water to get to the top, Sirius felt the air in his lungs get ripped out of him.

Sirius tried to scream out for him but all that came out were raspy attempts, Professor Onai pulled at his arms to get him away from the crystal ball. Regulus’ hand latched around someone else and he called out to the person. It took a second but Sirius realised it was James’ hand, he only noticed because of the small scar on his hand and the bracelet he wears to distract from the scar. James pulled him up and for a minute there, SIrius thought his brother was safe - just to watch James let go the second Regulus got closer to the top. The hands around Regulus pulled him down deeper than Sirius could see.

Marlene’s arms wrapped around Sirius’ waist and pulled him away from the crystal ball, pulling him to the ground. “Sirius! Sirius, it’s just a vision! We’re shit seer’s I’m sure it meant nothing!” She assured.

He pushed himself out of her arms, “Stop it! Stop! Put it back on! I need to see it! I need to help him!” Sirius screamed, grabbing at the crystal ball, begging it to show him his brother.

“Sirius, put it down! It’s just a vision!” Marlene yelled.

“He’s drowning! I need- I need to help him! Please…” Sirius begged. Marlene came over to calm him down, wiping at tears he hadn’t realised were there in the first place. He pulled away from her, shoving the ball to Professor Onai and rushing out the door, Marlene ran after him but he hid behind a column letting her turn a corner he hadn’t gone down. Sirius stormed into the classroom he knew Remus, Mary and James were in. The professor immediately yelled at him, demanding to know what he was doing, he didn’t hear a thing he’d said. He was on a warpath to James, grabbing him by the lapels and pulling him out the door. Mary and Remus followed in suit.

The second Sirius had him outside of the classroom he pushed him against a wall. “What the fuck did you do to my brother?!” He yelled. Marlene came running down the hall the second she’d heard it.

“What? I didn’t do anything, Pads-”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, James!” He yelled, pushing him up against the wall again.

Marlene pulled at him from behind, reefing him off of James. “Sirius, stop it! It was just a fucking vision! Stop it!” She yelled.

“He hurt Regulus!” Sirius yelled back.

“No I didn’t! I wouldn’t!” James yelled.

Sirius started tearing up, anger boiled in him. “What the fuck did you do, James?” Sirius asked again, trying to push against Marlene but she was stronger than him.

“Sirius, that’s enough.” Remus came up to him, taking him from Marlene and wrapping his arms around him. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.” Remus whispered by his ear, soothing him.

“He hurt Reg.” Sirius croaked back.

“No he didn’t.” Remus promised.

“How can you be so sure? My vision wasn’t just bullshit, Moons.” Sirius sniffled.

“Visions are normally metaphorical-”

“I know that, Moony!” Sirius cut him off. “He watched Regulus drown in my vision- no, he fucking helped him drown! He let go of his hand! He let him drown! I know it’s fucking metaphorical, so what the fuck did he do to my brother?!” Sirius felt hot tears stream down his face.

“Sirius, it might not mean what you think it means.” Remus tried to console him.

“You know what it means, don’t you?” Sirius asked.

“Pads-”

“No, you know. You know and you’re not telling me?”

“Padfoot-” He tried again.

“No. Don’t.” Sirius held his hand up to silence him. James went to butt in but Sirius cut him off too. “Don’t you dare, James. Listen, I’ll leave it, alright? I’m leaving all this alone and behind… but I swear to Merlin, Morgana and Mordred, if I see you near Regulus again-” Sirius sucked in a harsh breath. “Just fucking stay away from my brother.” He warned.

“You don’t trust me?” James sounded hurt.

“With my life.” Sirius promised, “But not my little brothers, that’s not mine to trust you with.”

“Then why are you taking him away from me if he’s not yours to take!” James yelled.

“Because he’s my little brother and it’s my job to protect him and you’re a hazard to him, clearly. Stay away from him. I mean it, James.” Sirius wiped at his eyes.

“Sirius, you can’t fucking do this!” James yelled.

“I can and I just fucking did. Leave him alone, James. Don’t make me hate you for this, please.” Sirius begged.

James rubbed tears from his cheeks, his eyes going red and glassy, “Sirius, please.” He pleaded.

“Padfoot, you’re being unreasonable-”

“Don’t, Remus. Not right now.” Sirius turned and stormed off, Remus trailed behind him.

Sirius went to find Regulus’ classroom, he knew he wasn’t actually in danger but he had to check. Remus stopped him before he could make it, “Padfoot, can you just-”

“I don’t want to talk to you right now.” Sirius brushed him off, turning the corner.

“Sirius-” Sirius turned the next corner before he could finish. “Sirius!” Remus grabbed onto his arm, spinning him around and pressing him against the wall. “Stop it. This isn’t how we resolve this type of shit.”

“You know something that’s hurting my brother and you’re refusing to tell me.” Sirius spat.

“It’s not mine to tell.”

“He’s my brother. My little brother, Rem. I know you don’t have siblings so you don’t get it, but you have to understand this is a bit more than something you can just write down to ‘not mine to tell’. I watched my little brother drown in a vision. Worst thing about it is my best friend let him get dragged down. Remus, Please.” Sirius felt his vision beginning to blur again.

“... Reggie likes James…” Remus answered, looking guilty. “James likes Lily but Reg likes James. James treats Regulus far too much like a boyfriend and it’s killing him, so I told him to distance himself from James. Understand your vision enough yet?” Sirius pressed his head to the wall, taking in a deep breath.

“Fuck.”

“Fuck, indeed.” Remus let out a breathy, humourless laugh.

“This is bad.”

“Very.”

“Fuck.” Sirius rested his head against Remus’ shoulder, breathing him in. Remus pulled him in, running his fingers through his hair, calming him down.

“Do you want to tell me about the vision?” Remus asked.

“Not really.” Sirius admitted.

“That’s okay. We should probably get out of the hall though… someone might see us.” Remus said, trying to stifle the stiffness in his limbs.

“Let them. Morpheus and his girl practically fuck in the hallways and we can’t hug? Let them see. I have enough on my mind to care about. Their stupid judgements are the least of my worries.” Sirius pulled Remus in closer, leaving a kiss on his cheek.

Remus lent down and pulled Sirius up to kiss him, properly, in public, for anyone to see.

Notes:

TW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: drowning

 

HOPE YA'LL ENJOYED THE CHAPTER

WE'RE ALMOST DONE YALL

Chapter 21: Chapter 21

Summary:

fuckable disco ball - drunk evan thoughts

 

messy ass chapter

Notes:

UNEDITTTTTEEEEDDDD - AAAAAA SO I FINALLY AM UPDATING AGAIN WTF

i had my english assignment due so i took a lil break

ALSO IT WAS MOONYS BIRTHDAY 2 DAYS AGO AND I DID A LIL DRAWING FOR IT <3

 

PSA FOR THIS CHAPTER - i talk about regulus being on the balcony of his dorm room staring out at the fields IM AWARE HIS COMMON ROOM IS IN THE DUNGEONS - i simply don't accept that - the slytherin common room and dorm room should not be in A FUCKING DUNGEON UNDERGROUND - like yall come on u put a bucnh of children underground in a dungeon for all of highschool and expect them not to be evil cunts? rlly? nah not me yall stay safe tho - his dorm is not in a dungeon underground here - live love laugh my boy reggie and his non-dungeon bedroom/living quaters

James~

Regulus hasn’t spoken to James since he’d called him a waste of his time. It’s been tearing James apart. Sirius seems to be happy about it, of course he is… he hates the fact that James goes near Regulus. He’s convinced James has some ulterior motive and just wants to harm Reg. The whole thing has just been an absolute pain in the ass. James can’t even attempt to talk to Regulus without Sirius trying to kill him for it. He either loses Regulus or he loses Sirius. Each way he’s losing someone he loves too deeply to lose. Worst of all is Sirius is acting like James personally wronged him and James can’t even find it in himself to care. Honestly he just misses Regulus. Nothing else matters right now but Regulus. Which is why he’s training so hard for the upcoming Ravenclaw v Gryffindor quidditch game, if Gryffindor wins, they host the party and Regulus would come to it for Sirius. James has never pushed himself this hard before,he’s been training in every spare moment he has, everytime he goes to stop he thinks of Regulus and keeps going.

It’s the day of the game and he’s been up since 4 training in the grounds. He knows logistically it’s not good to train the morning of a game but he can’t sleep knowing he could be working to get Regulus back. So, that’s why he’s now on his 3rd hour of training. He’s been alone all morning, normally he hates solitude but being with anyone but Regulus right now seems horrible. So when he heard footsteps making their way up to where he was retying his quidditch shoes, he was so close to yelling at them to fuck off, even if it was Sirius.

“You look like shit.” Regulus’ sweet, sweet voice broke through his anger.

“Reggie?” He looked up at him, praying this wasn’t some dehydrated hallucination.

“Why are you out here? It’s 6:30, Potter.” Regulus’ voice lacked any sympathy.

“I’m training.” James stood up, trying not to reach out to touch Regulus.

“It’s game day.” Regulus’ eyebrows strained together.

“I know.” James smiled at him.

“Why are you training on game day? I thought you knew better than to do that.” He remarked.

“I need to be prepared.” James answered.

“Potter, you’ve been training nonstop for days. Give it a rest or you’re going to burn out.” Regulus‘ words felt caring but his tone hurt.

“How would you know?” James asked, trying to bite back his hurt.

“Sirius told me.”

So, they’re keeping tabs on him? He’s not even technically allowed to be talking to Regulus right now but Sirius has the nerve to keep tabs on him for Regulus? “Cool.” James answered coldly, immediately regretting it.

“Go back to your dorm, there’s still a few hours left before we have to be up.” Regulus told him.

“I’m training.” James tells him.

“Yeah, I gathered that. I’m sure you're prepared enough, go back to your dorm, Potter.” Regulus’ voice strained, gaining back its emotion. James’ heart skipped a beat. Yes, he thought, give me back all that emotion you used to.

“There’s still more training I could get in before the game, I still have…..” James dramatically looked down at his watch on the floor, “about 6 hours of training I can fit in.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re going to train till the game starts? You must know that’s not healthy.” Regulus’ face started to shift into a more concerned look.

“Not healthy, but smart.” James baited.

“Smart? Smart? You’re kidding, you must be. Let’s go.” Regulus demanded.

“I’ll see you at the game.” James said, pulling the feeling back out of Regulus.

“James,” Regulus immediately caught on his slip up, James couldn’t help but smile. “...let’s go.” Regulus asked.

“Thought we weren’t talking? Why the sudden change?” James remarked.

“Yeah, we aren’t. But, when you’re sitting here basically killing yourself with training, I have to step in because clearly Sirius and the others aren’t.” Regulus explained.

“So, what you're saying is you’ll talk to me if I keep training?” James smirked, Regulus’ face flushed and James let himself believe he had something to do with it.

“James, let’s go, now.” Regulus demanded.

“Reg I-” Regulus cut him off by pulling him by the arm. “What are you doing?”

“Taking you back to your dorm.” Regulus didn’t look at him, James let himself believe that Regulus simply couldn’t look at him and hide all his love at the same time. James didn’t argue, he just let him pull him. Regulus’ hand was wrapped around his wrist and James would do anything to keep it there, even give up an argument. Regulus pulled him back to the outside of the Gryffindor common room and stopped. “Don’t tell Sirius we spoke, he’ll flip his shit.” Regulus told him.

“Wait, so you’re not mad at me?” James asked.

“No, I told you I wasn’t mad.” Regulus admitted.

“So it’s just Sirius?” James felt anger run up his throat.

“Yes and no.” Regulus answered, not giving much up.

“What? It’s because of the vision, isn’t it? He can’t just stop us from being tog- friends because of some stupid fucking vision.” James caught himself.

“It’s not that simple, Rem-… Sirius, he thinks he’s helping me, let him.” Regulus said sympathetically.

“How is it helping? How could he think it’s helping?”

“James you don’t get it…” Regulus sighed, dragging his hand over his face.

“Then help me get it.” James pleaded.

“Sirius thinks he’s protecting me from getting hurt-” James went to interrupt but Regulus put his hand up to silence him, “even though it’s such a small thing, he feels good for doing it. Let him feel good about it.”

“Why’s making me lose you make him feel good?” Regulus was trying to diffuse this but just making James more pissed off at Sirius.

“Sirius- well- he still feels bad for leaving me behind, even though I’ve told him I know why he did it, he still feels bad. So, when something small like this, where he thinks he can stop me from feeling pain, he’ll take the chance.” Reggie explained.

“Well, I don’t care. We aren’t avoiding each other for that.” James declared.

“Well I am. Unless he believes it’s fine again, then it’s not. If he’s happy, I’m happy.” Regulus resolved.

“I’m not happy.”

“Learn to be.” And with that he walked away.

James stormed up to his dorm preparing to yell at Sirius but Regulus’ words played on repeat in his mind, ‘Unless he believes it’s fine again, then it’s not.’ He just has to make Sirius realise his brother’s safe with him. James will do whatever it takes to get him to trust him again. One way or another, he’ll have Regulus back. No matter how long it takes, he’ll be his… in whatever way he’ll let James have him. James jumped into the shower and went back to bed, hoping his mind would drift off to Regulus in his sleep.

 

Regulus~

 

Regulus walked back to his dorm alone, internally kicking himself for being so weak. He knew James was training not because Sirius has been giving him updates but because Remus has been. They’ve been hanging out more, mainly because Remus is the only one who’s able to keep him from just giving James his everything. Sirius is only partially the reason Regulus hasn’t been near James, it’s mainly Remus telling him not to. In all honesty he’s not mad about it, just sometimes he wishes Remus and Sirius would look the other way so he can at least have a five minute conversation with James. He misses him more than he thought he would.

Todays especially worse with it being the Ravenclaw v Gryffindor game and all. It’d be a lot easier if he wasn’t going to be supporting Gryffindor, which he normally wouldn’t be. Normally his alliance would be with Ravenclaw over Gryffindor but Dora’s gotten into a whole strop about how it’s a sheep mindset to support their house’s team simply because they’re in it. Really, he knows it’s just because they got into an argument with Gilderoy (the horrible chaser who does nothing and is only on the team because his father is a school counsellor) and is refusing to support the team until Lockheart apologises to them.

So, Regulus has to show up to James’ game, in James’ colours and will undoubtedly be watching James the whole time. Regulus got back to his dorm and slumped in his bed, regretting every half-formed thought he’d just acted on. Regulus laid there, curled around a pillow, thinking of how badly he wanted to be curled up next to James. He laid on his back, staring up at his ceiling, thinking of how badly he wished James was lying next to him - if he could see the little shapes and people on the roof, like Regulus could. He laid on his stomach, thinking of how deeply he wished it was James’ chest. He sat up on the edge of his bed, thinking of how desperately he wanted James to be sitting next to him, with his hand on his thigh - domestic bliss.

Regulus got up and went and sat out on the balcony, staring down at the fields below him, the sun was just rising, barely lighting the grass. He looked at the small flecks of yellow and red among the green and couldn’t help but think of James. Was he looking at the field too? Could he even see it from his dorm? Was he in bed yet? Did he listen to Regulus? Does he miss him as much as Reg misses him? Does he long for him the way Reg does him? Salazar… why did Regulus think going outside would change the course of his thoughts?

Evan came out and sat by him. They didn’t say anything to each other for a few minutes until Evan broke the silence, “You don’t have to come to the game or the party, you know that, right?”

“I know.”

“Then why are you coming?” Evan asked.

“I’m an idiot who lacks self preservation skills. Or, maybe I just like it when pretty boys with curly hair make me wanna curl up and cry like a child.” Regulus joked.

“Both are options.” Evan laughed.

“This is going to sound horrible… but I miss it when you were as miserable and sexually frustrated as I am. You actually having Barty is so unrelatable.” Regulus smirked up at him.

“I would apologise but I’m not sorry.” Evan nudged him, “Alright, come on. It’s 7, there’s still time to sleep before the game.” Evan pulled him up. “You can think of James all sadly in bed, just as well as you can out here.”

Regulus got up and followed Evan back into the dorm just to collapse back into his bed and be so awfully aware of the emptiness beside him. Regulus chased the warmth of a ghost till his eyes forced themself shut.

 

—-------------------------------------------

 

Gryffindor’s games against Ravenclaw have always gone quickly but today it felt as if James was taunting Regulus. The game had been going on for an excruciatingly long time and James had decided mid way through the game to tie his shirt up, leaving his toned stomach on perfect display for Regulus. Not to mention the stupidly beautiful smiles he kept throwing Regulus’ way. Regulus was one more smile away from grabbing him by his waist and snogging him in front of the whole crowd. Of course Remus would stop him before he got up there. Thank Merlin for Remus and his ability to control Regulus’ stupid. Maybe he’s just fluent in Black brother?

By the end of the game Regulus was sweating as if he’d just been the one flying around on a broomstick. Gryffindor won in the end, of course they did, James is amazing. Regulus immediately left after the game, walking off with Pandora wrapped around his arm - talking his ear off about how horrible Gilderoy was.

“And did you see that turn?! He totally would’ve fallen straight on his face if his father hadn’t riddled his broom in safety spells! Stupid Professor Lockheart, looking out for his gross little son!” They yelled, Regulus couldn’t help but laugh about how passionate they were.

“Hey! Reg! Wait up!” James screamed after him. Pandora pulled him to a stop before grabbing onto their brother and running off. “Wow, you actually waited for me.” James smiled down at him. Regulus couldn’t help but think, son sourire soutenait le soleil.

“What? Did you expect me to turn and start sprinting at full speed away from you? Would that have been preferred?” Regulus asked.

“Oh, you’re funny. I really missed your funny.” James smiled.

“What do you want, James?” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“For you to come to the Gryffindor party tonight.”

“Was I not already invited?” Regulus raised his eyebrows at him.

“What? No- no of course you were.” James threw his hands up.

“Okay, cool. Bye,” Regulus turned to walk off but James just kept walking along with him.

“Thought I already taught you how to say goodbye in a nicer proper way?” James smirked.

“Did you? I must’ve forgotten. Remind me, was it ‘Got to go, bye.’ with a wave or the overly glorifying, ‘Sorry James, I have to run. Please do forgive me. I’ll miss your presence more than a drowning man's lungs miss air while submerged 10 feet down.’ with a farewell kiss?” Regulus joked, biting back the blood rushing its way to his cheeks.

James looked stunned, “Well… if you’re offering up…”

Regulus scoffed, hiding the pain in his throat that James meant it as a joke, “Do me a favour, yeah?” James nodded eagerly, “Shut up.” With that Regulus walked off, leaving James and his stupid beautiful smile behind. Regulus stayed out by the garden for a few hours, laying on the very fields he sat staring at all morning.

When Regulus got back to his dorm it’d already been overrun by his friends. Barty and Dorcas sat arguing over who stole whose eyeliner - though Regulus heard that from outside the dorm. Pandora was laid out on Regulus’ bed putting rainbow cuffs into their locs - they looked like a child of Iris. Evan was braiding Emmeline’s hair while Sybil painted her nails - she looked stressed. Edgar and Caradoc were arguing with Amelia and Benjy about the proper use of Doc Martin’s. Regulus felt the raging headache of the next hour of getting ready would give him.

The second Amelia spotted him she stopped yelling at her brother and turned her upturned glare to Regulus, “You’re still wearing a quidditch jersey? Are you kidding? The parties in an hour you idiot. Also, you were rooting for Gryffindor? You understand this is stage one traitor shit against me, right?” She glared, saying a thousand words a minute.

“Yes, to all of those questions.” Regulus smirked up at her.

Him and Amelia weren’t close but they were friendly enough to joke with each other. Amelia was the only Ravenclaw to understand Dora in their first year - Amelia being in her second year - still that wasn’t what made them friendly, merely acquainted. What got them to where they are was her twin brother Edgar dating Caradoc. Caradoc was in the same year as Regulus and Pandora, he was also a Slytherin but he hung out more with Antonia Zabini and the younger Greengrass kids. Though not being in their group Caradoc was still close with Evan - which by extension made him close with the rest of them. So, when Edgar entered the picture, so did his sister and her friends - Benjy, Sybil and Emmeline. They weren’t his close friends but he would consider them his friends still.

“You’re a mess. Go get ready before we leave without you.” Amelia rolled her eyes, always the mum friend.

“Yes, Sir.” Regulus, Benjy and Barty all saluted her before going back to their respective tasks.

“I sense you’re feeling a deep burden. Any pet deaths lately?” Sybil called over to him as he was going through his drawers.

“No but keep trying and maybe one day you’ll get close to the truth.” Regulus repeated to her, as he has been since 5th year.

“Reg, stop being a cunt.” Emmeline Reprimanded as usual.

“Hmmmm, maybe a deep grief for a human?” Sybil guessed again.

“N-”

“NAY, NAY, A PLANT!” She cut him off.

“I don’t own any-”

“Did I say grief? I meant to say a desire. You want a plant!” She yelled.

“I can assure you I have my hands full with my own lifeline, I do not need another living thing on my hands.” Regulus quipped.

“Ohhhh, you’re in the denial phase. You’ll see, one day you’ll have a plant OH, AND ONE DAY IT’LL DIE! I was right.” She smiled and Pandora clapped for her.

“You really are the best seer of our time.” Pandora smiled over at her, completely engulfed with her presence.

Benjy rolled his eyes, “Yeah sure, and I’m the best singer to ever walk the lands of Scotland.” Benjy let out a shrill squeak, Pandora giggled looking over at him. He looked over at them, smirking, “You like my singing, Dora?”

“Oh, of course.” They giggled.

“Well, I guess I have to give you a little concert then.” Benjy jumped up and started letting out horrible notes. Regulus rolled his eyes as Pandora got up and started twirling around with him. Regulus and Evan are almost certain they’re into him but are letting them stay in blissful ignorance for a while.

Caradoc threw a pillow at him, “I’ll smother you with that pillow and throw your lifeless body in the Black Lake while I cast spells condemning your soul to the lowest pit in Dante’s inferno.” Caradoc gave him his usual death glare. Benjy stopped dancing immediately and sat down on Regulus’ bed with Pandora, helping them put more clasps in their hair.

Edgar smiled brightly, putting a soft kiss to Caradoc’s cheek, “You’re so funny.” He laughed, playing with Caradoc’s hair. One of Edgar’s many problems - he was not afraid to give in to PDA. Edgar was like this walking ball of rainbows, mixed in with the gold you find at the end of one. Caradoc on the other hand was a barren pit where both those things went to shrivel and die. Regulus has known Caradoc since first year and still has yet to see him smile once. He always has the same dead look on his face, though Reg’s sure he’s seen his lips twitch every once in a while when Edgar does something especially disgusting.

“Thank you.” Caradoc said, his voice lacking any semblance of emotions.

“You’re welcome, Smuk!” Edgar pressed another kiss to Caradoc’s cheek.

“Oh Roweena! Stop it before I throw myself off the balcony!” Amelia yelled, throwing a pillow at her brother. “Gross freaks.” She rolled her eyes, lying back onto Dorcas, “As I was saying before we were grossly interrupted by that vermin - Delila totally punched Ryan in the face, it was amazing!”

Regulus walked through his room, picking up on fragments all his friends weird little conversations,

Barty and Evan had crawled off over to the couch by the balcony door, “You look like a sexualised disco ball, by the way.” Evan giggled into his ear.

“Is that a compliment?” Barty raised his eyebrow at him.

“I have no idea.” Evan looked shocked by his own confusion.

“I shouldn’t have let you have those drinks.” Barty laughed, pulling Evan closer to him.

Pandora and Benjy sat on the floor beside Regulus’ bed, Benjy was playing with Dora’s pastel shoelaces, “I feel like if we cut you open, you’d be all pastel- WAIT- THAT DIDN’T COME OUT HOW I MEANT IT- I was just trying to say that you’re all pastel.” Benjy stuttered, looking flushed.

“That was beautiful, Benjy.” They smiled, holding onto his hand.

“Really? You know I have always thought I’d be a killer poet.” Benjy smiled up at them.

“Poetry isn’t for everyone… but you’d be an amazing potions master.” They reasoned, letting him down softly.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right… you’re so smart.” He marvelled at them.

Caradoc and Dorcas sat by the mirror, Dorcas drawing small doodles on his hands. “You know this will all rub off with the spill of one drink, right?” Dorcas asked.

“Of course.” He replied.

“Then why are we bothering with this?”

“Ed likes them.” Edgar said, completely void of any emotion.

“Aww, that’s surprisingly sweet.” Dorcas happily went back to drawing on his hand.

“It’s a bonus that Sirius keeps asking why my tattoos change every time he sees me.”

“Knew there had to be some weird intent behind it.” Dorcas rolled her eyes.

Edgar and Amelia sat on the floor by the door completely ready, waiting on everyone else, “Stop frowning, it gives you wrinkles.” Edgar poked his sister.

“Really? Does it? Oh golly gee, I’ve always wanted those.” Amelia aggressively frowns at him.

“Fine, when we’re 80, I’m gonna look at least 30, you’re gonna look around 160.” Edgar turned his nose up at her.

“When I’m 80, I’m going to look 160.” Amelia agreed.

“And me?” Edgar asked.

“Oh you dear brother, you are too stupid to survive all the way to 80.” She went back to aggressively frowning at him.

Emmeline and Sybil sat on the floor, by the bathroom, Sybil reading her hand. “You’re either in love, pregnant, secretly an animal or you’re dying tonight.” Sybil smiled up at her.

Emmeline beamed, “Well, I am in love so you’ve got that right!”

Regulus bent down to interrupt, “Or you’re a corpse tonight, how thrilling.” He smirked.

“I’m going to chop your dick off.” She glared at him, then turned back to Sybil, “You got it right, don’t listen to him.”

“And wrong, do listen to me.” Regulus teased.

“Regulus, you fucking cunt I will quite literally drown you and your bullshit comments in the loo.” She glared at him before he slipped off into the bathroom to get changed.

The second the door closed Regulus slumped against it, he loved his friends but they were a lot sometimes… especially when they were all so happy (in their respective way) and he didn’t feel anything strong enough to surpass the deep sense of loss resting in the pit of his stomach. Regulus slowly got himself up and changed but stayed in the bathroom to take a few breaths.

“REGULUS! LET’S GO! WE’RE ALREADY SO MUCH LATER THAN I’D LIKE TO BE, COME ON!” Amelia screamed through the door, breaking his break from them.

“I’m coming!” He screamed back.

 

—---------------------------

 

James~

 

Regulus isn’t here. Granted, the party only started 10 minutes ago but the fact still stands that he isn’t here yet. James wants to run to his dorm and pull him here himself. Peter’s been keeping him calm for the most part, promising him Reg would be here soon. James was believing him - until Barty, Evan, Dorcas and for some reason Amelia, Edgar and Caradoc all showed up together without him. James wanted to scream. So, of course he confronted Evan (the nicest of the bunch).

“Hey, Ev!” James danced awkwardly over to where Evan was getting drinks from the drink table.

“Hey?” He looked up at him through drunk confused eyes.

“Are you buzzed already?” James laughed.

“A little. What’s it to you?” Evan scowled.

“Nothin’, nothin’.” Evan nodded, then turned to leave, “Wait! Uh- Where’s Reg, mate?” James asked.

“Comin’ soon with Dora, Sybs and Emmeline.” Evan promised, then patted him on the shoulder, “You’re a good dude, James. You woulda been great if you weren’t straight.” He sighed sadly then walked off, leaving James there confused if he’d just been hit on or not. He would think on that but he had bigger things to think of, like why the fuck is Regulus coming with Emmeline? Wasn’t the whole pursuit of her meant to be some big waste of time? What happened to it not being worth it? What are they together now? So that’s it then… she wasn’t a waste of time it was just any part of her that involved James was a waste of time.

James stumbled his way over to Lily, but stopped himself before getting to her. It’s bad enough his days ruined… why ruin hers. James went and sat by the stairs, staring up at the door. Regulus walked in a few minutes later with Emmeline next to him. James wanted to throw his cup at her. She stood there all prettily next to him, she knew she won and he hated her for it. She sat there flirting with his boy, while he had to watch from the sidelines. He really thought he and Emmeline were friends, guess this is what betrayal feels like.

The second she spotted him she waved and walked over.

“Amazing game today, you killed it!” She screamed over the music.

“Yeah thanks!” He screamed back.

“Better train extra hard though because your next games against me and you know I won’t go easy!” She laughed.

“Yeah, neither will I!” He bit back at her.

“Oh, I’d hope not!” She smiled, taking a seat next to him. “Why are you sitting over here all on your lonesome?! This party is for you, James! You’re the star player!” She beamed.

“I know it’s for me, don’t need you to remind me thanks!” He said snarkily, struggling to let his bitterness pass over the blaring music.

“I was just complimenting you?”

“And I didn’t need you to.” James told her.

“Why are you being a dick?! Didn’t realise our friendship goes straight out the window the second you have a bit of alcohol in your system!” She yelled.

“Yeah, guess so!” He yelled back.

“What the fuck, James?!” She yelled, looking genuinely hurt… James didn’t want to hurt her- well, he did… just didn’t realise it actually would hurt her. Merlin, he’s a raging cunt.

“I’m- I’m sorry… Can we go talk somewhere so I can stop yelling at you?!” He asked. She didn’t reply, just grabbed his arm and pulled him to the nearest closet.

“Alright asshole, we’re alone. What the fuck is wrong with you? You’re being a dick.” She fumed.

“I- This isn’t an excuse for the way I was acting… because it was unacceptable. But, it’s the truth… I’m jealous of you… I think? I’m not sure, I don’t think I’ve ever properly felt it to this degree before…” He admitted.

“Jealous? What the fuck? Of me? Why?” She interrogated him.

“You and Reg.” She gave him a blank look, clearly not following, “You guys are dating.” He extended.

“What? Me and Regulus? You think we’re dating- Why in fucks name would you think that? That’s absolute gobshite, mate. I’m with someone else already.” She looked at him, bewildered.

“Wait- you are? Does Regulus know that?” He asked, worried about how Regulus would take this.

“”Yeah, of course? Him and Dora were my main confidants when I was trying to get with her.” She answered.

“He lied? Why would he lie?” James asked, hoping she’d somehow have the answer to that seeing as she seems to have the answer for literally everything.

“He told you we are dating?” Emmeline looked confused for a second, then it seemed everything clicked for her - James wishes she’d fill him in on it. “Wait- why do you care so much?” She broke into a grin.

“I- well- it’s just- I-” James was cut off by the music outside silencing and being filled with a screaming Arthur Weasley. Emmeline opened the door immediately to go see what was happening, James followed.

“I’M JUST SAYING! IT’S A LITTLE WEIRD FOR THEM TO BE HERE! I THOUGHT WE WERE AGAINST PEOPLE LIKE THEM?!” He yelled.

Regulus stood up angrily, “People like us? People like us?! Wanna explain what the fuck you mean by that Arthur? Cause honestly, I’d love to hear it.” Regulus smiled angrily. James didn’t know what the argument was but he stepped up beside Regulus immediately.

“You’re fucking Slytherins! You're all a bunch of pureblood, blood supremacist assholes! We don’t stand for that shit here, Black!” Arthur yelled back at him.

“Reg, just leave it.” Caradoc pulled him back.

“No, Reg, don’t fuckin leave it!” Barty yelled.

“I’m not gonna fucking leave it! You wanna talk Arthur? Let’s talk!” Regulus threatened.

“I’m not doing anything with a prejudice fuck!” Arthur screamed.

“Oh, is that what I am?! Go on then Arthur, since you fucking know so much about me bet you’ll know my fighting style real well. Why don’t we test that theory? Shall we?” Reg challenged.

“Don’t start shit you know you can’t finish, Black!” Arthur grabbed out his wand and went to run at Regulus. James stepped in front of him, twisting his arm making him drop the wand, pushing him back up against the wall.

“Touch him, I fucking dare you, Weasley.” James pushed his wand against his throat.

“Dude, relax, put your wand down!” One of Arthur’s friends called.

“Come on, man! He was just kidding!” The other yelled.

“No. Arthur wants to talk so much, go on then. I don’t seem to hear you, Artie. You’ve gone quiet.” James smirked back over at Regulus.

“Fuck you, Potter!” Arthur yelled.

“Sorry? What was that?” James pushed the wand tighter against his throat.

Arthur let out a squeak, “Fucking stop, Potter! Fuck! I’M FUCKING SORRY! JUST PUT IT DOWN!” Arthur yelled.

“You’re missing a word there, Weasley. Didn’t your mother ever teach you manners?” Barty yelled from beside James, holding his wand out too now.

“SORRY! I’M FUCKING SORRY! JUST FUCKING LET ME GO YOU CUNTS!” Arthur squacked before James pushed him over to his friends.

James walked over to Regulus, passing him Arthur’s wand, “Do with it as you please, I guess.” James smirked.

Regulus snatched the wand, “I could’ve handled it myself, James. You made it seem like I couldn’t. You made it seem like I needed some big, tough Gryffindor to come up and share the whole profound realisation, that maybe Slytherins aren’t just a bunch of demonic 11-18 year olds running around sucking the blood of muggles. I don’t need you to come and fight a battle you didn’t even give me the chance to attempt to win.” Regulus scowled up at him.

“What? No, that wasn’t what I was trying to do, Reg… I just- I was trying to help.” James reasoned.

“Jamie… you didn’t even let me need help before giving it. It’s like giving a life vest to someone on dry land. You didn’t even let me attempt to deal with it on my own.” Regulus explained.

“I just wanted to protect you.” James told him desperately.

“I didn’t need you to.” Regulus turned away from him, walking out of the common room.

 

James followed him out.

Notes:

TRANSLATIONS:

 

Son sourire soutenait le soleil. : His smile held the sun up.

Smuk : Beautiful (danish)

----------------

 

Yeah i put the bones siblings, emeline vance, sybil trelaway, caradoc dearborn and benjy fenwick in this fic, what about it? (kidding but i've gotten very obsessed with them so I had to mention them)

not that u asked but my fancasts for them r rlly cool: kit conner (edgar), Sadie sink (amelia), siorsa ronan (sybil), xolo mariduenda (benjy), Nico hiraga (caradoc), Jessie Mei Li (Emmeline)

Chapter 22: The hollowness that found home in my heart, lost it’s place to you

Summary:

THE END

 

it's been a long run and you're all finally free

Notes:

UNEDITTED AND VERY SHORT

 

yall ima be real i got two assignments due in the next few days and exams start in i think 1 week? so this chapters very short and uneditted

 

now ima be real real: it's been so fun to write this story and so nice to have all the support honestly this was just omfg- i just am so thankful for everyone who stayed and read along thank u sm i love u all

 

(i am so sorry if i ended this in a shitty way u def deserve better but i am a stressed teenage boy theres only so much my stupid ass can do 😭😭😭😭)

Regulus~

 

The second Regulus got outside of the common room staircase he felt the tears fight their way to his cheeks. He’d told himself he wouldn’t cry over James when they’d first stopped talking. Merlin, now it feels like all he ever does is cry over James and how he’d managed to fuck that up too. Though this time he had no idea why he wanted to cry. James was trying for him, he fought for him, he went against a gryffindor for him. He’d proved all of Regulus’ doubts wrong. So why’d Regulus run? Why’d he act like James fighting for him was horrible, when all he’d ever wanted was for someone to fight for him? Someone finally saw him as worthy to fight for… and he ran. Merlin, he felt like a god giving up immortality. So in other words, a fool… for lack of a better word.

Regulus scratched at his cheeks harshly, begging whatever god was watching over him to give him a little slack. When the common room door opened he expected Pandora or Remus to be there, giving him a disappointed look as if he had any control over the way James made his heart jump through hurdles.

“Reggie…” James called softly to him, not taking a seat next to him.

“What?” Regulus bit back, cursing himself immediately after. Why can’t he just let himself enjoy the small pieces of James that he’s giving to him.

“I’m sorry… I thought you’d want me to stick up for you.” I did, Regulus screams back at him in his head. I did, I did, I did.

“Maybe stop thinking, you’re not very good at it.” Regulus replied.

“Reg, I’m sorry-”

“What do you want?” Regulus cut him off.

“Well… I wanted to apologise but also, you know it was just really brave, fighting back against him like that-”

“I’m not a child, I don’t need a gold star for learning how to speak up for my needs.” Regulus glared at him, “What do you actually want?”

James finally sat down beside him. Regulus wanted to press himself to him. “I’ve missed you.” James sighed, running a hand down his face. “I reckon you’ve missed me too though.” James looked down at him, his eyes searching Regulus’ for the truth.

“You don’t get to miss me.” Regulus ignored his second comment.

“Why’s that?” James asked.

“You have no reason to.” Regulus answered.

“I- you think I don’t have a reason? Reg, I’ve been lucky to see you in the hallways. I’ve been considering a good day, the days I catch you smiling at someone… though those are also my bad days because you’re never smiling at me. I have all the reason to miss you.” James looked over at Regulus with glassy eyes, “Did you really not miss me?”

“Not at all. Also, that’s not a valid reason.” Regulus bit the inside of his cheek, holding back the quiver in his lip.

“Not at all? No- No don’t say that, Reggie. Please don’t say that.” James looked like his last bit of hope had been crushed.

“What do you want, James.” Regulus asked again.

“I told you… I just missed you, I thought you did too and I guess I just thought that-”

“Stop saying you missed me. You didn’t miss me, stop saying it-”

“You can’t say what I felt… what I feel.” James cut him off.

“Feel? You’re sitting right next to me.” Regulus rolled his eyes.

“Reggie… you’re not even looking at me. Godrick, you’re sitting right next to me and I miss you more than ever.” James told him, looking betrayed.

“That makes no sense.” Regulus brushed him off.

James scoffed, not at Regulus, at himself. “Yeah, it wouldn’t to you.” James looked down at his hands, picking at his nails.

“And why’s that?” Regulus retorted.

“Because-” James let out a sharp breath, “Because I fucking love you, Regulus. I love you and you didn’t even miss me. And- and I’m just now realising how much I grossly overestimated my spot in your life.” James wiped at his eyes.

Regulus was stuck looking at him in shock, “You don’t love me.” Regulus spat.

“What? You can’t tell me who I do and do not love.” James defended himself but the look in his eyes told Regulus that he could make him change all his beliefs in a second.

“No, I can’t but I can tell you that you can’t love me because you don’t know me, James.” Regulus explained.

“I don’t know you? You think I don’t know you? Regulus, I’ve spent the past six years of my life trying to know you from afar because you wouldn’t let me get close. Godrick, Regulus… I spent the second half of first year dying to meet you. Sirius had told me so much and all I could think of was how well we’d get on. I’ve spent years dying to get to know you and picking up on anything you’d give me. Don’t tell me I don’t know you, Reggie.” James complained. Regulus felt his heart contract knowing James didn’t mean any of the things he was saying or didn’t understand it.

“Just because you’ve convinced yourself that I mean some deep profound thing to you, doesn’t mean it’s real.” Regulus combat him, begging himself not to cry.

“Why won’t you let me love you? Why do you think it’s so fucking impossible for me to love you?” James asked, slightly raising his voice.

“Because you don’t love me, James! You have no idea what it’s like to love me! You don’t understand half the things the people who do love me have to go through! Don’t sit here and tell me you love me as if I don’t know what loving me looks like!” Regulus yelled.

“Explain it to me then! Seeing as you think I’m incapable of knowing my own feelings, explain what it is to love you!” James screamed back.

“It’s not as rosy as you’re painting it out to be, it’s painful and it’s hard! People who love me don’t get it easy, they have to deal with all my ups and downs and I can assure you, Potter, there are more downs then there ever are ups!” Regulus wiped at his cheeks. “I’m not Sirius, James! I- Loving me doesn’t come as easy as it does him…” Regulus stopped yelling, “Loving Sirius is easy, Salazar, it comes naturally. Oh, but loving me is hard… you have to realise how impossible it is for you to look at me right now and tell me you love me when I know that there is no way it’s come to you that easy.” Regulus looked up at James with bloodshot eyes.

“Easy? Merlin, Reg, loving you hasn’t been easy… spending years watching you give all these other people time in your day while I watched from the sidelines. It wasn’t easy when the one time you gave me attention was just because I was the key to getting some girl who you still won’t tell me the real identity of… because I know it isn’t Emmeline.” James breathed out harshly.

“Merlin, James! There was no girl, don’t you get it! There wasn’t a girl… I just wanted to be near you…” Regulus admitted.

“What?” James looked over at him, his eyes blown wide. “You wanted to be near me… but you don’t want to anymore…” James stuttered out through shallow breaths.

“What? When did I say that?” Regulus defended.

“Well you’re pulling out everything to convince me not to love you, I think it’s fair to assume you don’t want me.” James sat down on the stairs, looking out at the moving staircases around them. “I wish you’d told me… I wish I could’ve got to you before I did whatever it was I did to stop you from wanting me around. Obviously, I know that whatever comes next is probably for the better because that’s how life works. Each step is necessary but I really, really, don’t want this next step. Merlin, I’d give anything to stop the next step… to erase the last ten steps and get back to when you wanted me around.” James pushed his fingers through his hair, Regulus caught a glimpse of his cheeks wet with tears. “Honestly, I don’t know how to feel right now. I can’t stop thinking about how I’m finding out you don’t want and at one point really wanted me, in the exact same moment. I feel like these were things I should’ve found out on separate occasions…. At least then I would have enjoyed the first one for a moment.” James stifled out a sad laugh. “Except, here I am. And there you are telling me you don’t want me anymore when I didn’t even know you wanted me in the first place-”

“Stop saying I don’t want you!” Regulus couldn’t stop himself from cutting him off, needing James to stop repeating it. James looked up at him from the staircase with glistening eyes, Regulus let himself continue. “Stop saying I don’t want you when all I’ve ever wanted was you.” Regulus breathed out.

“Then what's stopping you.” James stated but his eyes begged.

“I may want you but you don’t want me. You think you want me but James, you have no idea what that means for you.” Regulus admitted.

James got up from the step, “You know what I think?”

“No, but I’m sure you’ll tell me.” Regulus quipped.

“I think you’re scared. I reckon you think you’re the only one who has some bad parts in their past.” James moved closer to him, stepping into his space. “Reg, you’re not the first person that’s had to struggle to be loved and you’re definitely not the first hurt person to need someone.”

“You have no idea what you’re say-”

“Reggie, I know you’ve been through things that have made you think that loving you is some hard job I can’t take on… but, just because you take you out of the equation doesn’t mean I’m not loving you. I think I’ll always love you. Even years after you’ve left me on this staircase alone, me and my heart will still be yours. You’ve left a permanent indent on me, Reg. I can’t just let that go.” James raised his hands to Regulus’ upper arms, holding him in place as if Regulus was about to run off. “You may think it’s hard to love you but trust me loving you is so much easier than losing you.” James said softly, his words grazing Regulus’ heart. Regulus let himself fall into James, pressing his face into his chest. James’ arms wrapped around him in an instant, forming a protective shield around him. “I take that as you saying you’re not leaving me?” James whispered by his ear.

“How could I ever leave you, Jamie.” Regulus sniffled, holding onto James. James guided him down to sit on the stairs with him, holding him in his arms. “Merlin, I tried to go and I barely lasted a month. I’m yours, James. There’s no way around that.”

“I love you.” James whispered. “You don’t have to love me because I know I’m moving proper fast,” James laughed, “I just want you to know I do.” James confessed.

“Je t'aime tellement plus que je ne peux l'expliquer. Donc, je n'essaierai pas du tout. Je vais juste vous montrer. Mon James. Mon soleil. Mon amour.” Regulus whispered back, holding on tightly to James.

“You gonna tell me what that means?” James asked, nuzzling his hair.

“Maybe.” Regulus replied, pushing himself closer to James, softening next to him. Salazar, Regulus was a sodding fool when it came to James… A fool that’ll hold onto him for as long as he can.

Notes:

TRANSLATION!!!:

 

Je t'aime tellement plus que je ne peux l'expliquer. Donc, je n'essaierai pas du tout. Je vais juste vous montrer. Mon James. Mon soleil. Mon amour. : I love you so much more than I can explain. So I won't try at all. I'll just show you. My James. My sun. My love.

 

I LOVE U ALL THANK U SO MUCH FOR READING I HOPE U ALL HAVE AMAZING LIVES!!!!!

 

(also i have another jegulus fic coming in somewhere between the next few days it'll probably be longer than this and its an after highschool fic - its a college fake dating fic and it's going to be titled "You don't have to hold me anymore" - feel free to check that out I'd love to see u over there!)