Work Text:
"Binghe," Shen Qingqiu said, walking towards him and sounding a little nervous.
Luo Binghe noticed that something was a bit off recent days. Despite all his efforts to make his husband happy, something was troubling him. Little time has passed since their wedding - not even three months yet - and they had been working hard all these days to resolve their issues, both finally accepting the importance of clear communication (not without Mu Qingfang's help). However, surprisingly, Shen Qingqiu grew more and more restless with each problem resolved.
It was unnerving, but Luo Binghe knew better than to overthink - his husband made it very clear for him how much he was loved, so Luo Binghe was sure it was not an issue. He also knew how thin Shen Qingqiu's face was, so he didn't even try to pry, patiently waiting for him to be ready.
"Hm?" Luo Binghe replied, placing down the congee he was preparing for their lunch. Then he turned to face his husband with his full attenttion.
"We need to talk," continued Shen Qingqiu, trying to keep a straight face but still fidgeting with his sleeves.
"Okay," he replied calmly. "Would the husband of this lowly one like to eat lunch first?"
"No!" Shen Qingqiu replied somewhat hastily. "And don't speak so formally when we're alone, Binghe."
"I'm sorry, husband," Luo Binghe apologized, correcting himself. It was still hard to adjust sometimes, breaking the old habit, even though he liked calling Shen Qingqiu informally. He waved at the cushions, "Shall we sit down?"
"Yes... Let's sit down" his husband agreed, blushing as he approached and took his hand. After a little while he coughed a little, starting to speak, "Binghe remebers the other world Binghe that visisted us?"
Luo Binghe nodded, scowling, but not speaking up.
"Binghe has probably noticed that I... didn't like it when you tried to call me by courtesy name or by my personal name," his husband continued.
Luo Binghe nodded again. He indeed noticed that. The first time he tried to call his husband affectionately was on their wedding night. Shen Qingqiu looked like he was mildly uncomfortable with this, so Binghe didn't try to do it again. However, a few days later, he brought up it again by trying to call him "A-Jiu" instead of "Qingqiu" as a reply gesture for "A-Luo". And it was such an immediate "No!" that he didn't ever try again, content with calling his husband "Husband" for ever. (Little pieces of hope to call him "Shizun" in the bedroom still lingered in the backs of his mind, but he would never want to make him uncomfortable).
"And Binghe also noticed that I sometimes know more than I supposed to know, didn't he?" Shen Qingqiu asked. Then, not waiting for a nod, he spoke again, "There is one reason behind all those facts. And the reason is that..." his husband took a deep breath. "I have not always been Shen Qingqiu and Shen Qingqiu has not always been me."
Luo Binghe held his breath, not daring to interrupt him. He always could ask questions further and, moreover, he was sure that his husband's explanation will answer the majority of them anyways.
Shen Qingqiu had collected himself and started again.
"I was born in a world where cultivation existed only in legends and stories about old times. There were no demons nor cultivators, no Qi nor such a wide variety of demonic beasts and plant. However, the world was not as boring as it may sound because it had technology. That world was far more advanced than this one. People created machines that could fly without magic and medicine that would heal without Qi. And in this world there lived a boy," his husband stopped once more but continued shortly after, "The boy was chronically ill since he was a child. He wasn't able to do many things and spent the majority of his time in hospitals. So, it was only natural that he took to reading. Once he found a novel about demons and cultivators. It was called 'Proud Immortal Demon's Way' and it was a story about a demon whose name was Luo Binghe."
Luo Binghe sucked in air, looking in shock at his husband that was staring straight at his knees, stubbornly not looking up. Seeing that he was nervous, Luo Binghe squeezed his hand, hoping this would comfort him a little.
"By the way, the Luo Binghe we met was the Luo Binghe from the original, one may say, world. The world the story was about. The boy really liked the story. And although it was not well-written, it had a cool main character and various and interesting world building. The plot was so poor and cliché that one may confidently say the boy only read the novel because he liked the protagonist. The protagonist had a cruel teacher who abused him and even pushed him down the literal hell after finding out about his disciple's heritage. That day said disciple swore to himself that he will take revenge on his master. After 5 years of struggle, the protagonist left the Abyss and became the part of Huan Hua Sect and also the Great Demon Emperor. He and Palace Sect Master provoked a trial and his ex-teacher was pleaded guilty. No-one in Cang Qiong Mountain sect dared to go against Luo Binghe so Shen Qingqiu was at his mercy... to take revenge."
Everything in Binghe screamed because of how wrong the story sounded. It was so, so wrong. He was afraid to imagine what kind of revenge other Binghe had brought upon his Shizun. What kind of fate his husband expected from Binghe to bring upon him.
"The boy read the story and felt sympathy for the main character. Surely, no one deserved such hurtful fate. Especially his Luo Binghe. One day, the boy died and woke up in a strange place. Some men in old-fashioned clothes called him his shidi and shixiong. Soon enough, he recognized the names of those names and found out his name too. He was the evil teacher. The boy was set on changing his fate by treating the protagonist right. But... he couldn't do it. Some kind of entity was brought to this world along him. That entity mission was to ensure that main bullet points of the plot were met, such as... such as the Endless Mission Arc."
Shen Qingqiu looked up, his eyes shimmering with tears.
"Binghe... Binghe, I'm so sorry. I know I could have, should have fought harder agaisnt the System, the entity, but it said... And I knew you would survive... I know I shouldn't have... but I have chosen myself over you and I'm so sorry," his husband was openly crying now, trying to hide his face behind his arm.
Something in Binghe's chest ached because of this sight. His husband should not be unhappy! Luo Binghe hugged his husband hastily but still gently.
"Husband! Don't cry, please, it's nothing, it's fin-" but he was interrupted by Shen Qingqiu:
"It's not nothing, Binghe! I hurt you! I chose to hurt you! It's not fine! You did not deserve this! And I still hurt you!" his husband disagreed fiercely, breaking the hug.
"But did you want to hurt me?" Luo Binghe asked, heart pounding in his chest as he already knew the answer.
"Of course no! Binghe-" but this time Shen Qingqiu was the interrupted one.
"That's all that matters for me," Luo Binghe said and, not letting him say anything, he continued, "No, husband, seriously. I loved you and forgave you even when I thought... Even when I didn't know your reason's for throwing me down the Abyss. But knowing that you didn't want to hurt and that you didn't hate me even for a little bit brings me the greatest joy," he chocked on his own words, voice filled with emotion he couldn't explain.
"I have never hated you, Bingh-" said Shen Qingqiu heartily.
"I know it, husband, I know it now. Please, let me continue," said Luo Binghe both firmly and gently, while using the thumb of his free hand for drying tears on his husband's cheeks. "It brings me joy to know that you didn't want me to suffer, and, knowing this lowly one's husband, it also terrifies me to think of what choice laid upon you, husband. I saw you dying for me and that was truthfully the most hurtful experience I have ever experienced. The Abyss could never compete with it. I am not happy that you died for me, I would never be, and I beg you not to do it ever again, husband, ever, but," he took a deep breath.
Tears silently streamed down Shen Qingqiu's face and, as Luo Binghe suspected, down his own face.
He continued, "but knowing that you will do as much for me as die, even if you had a back-up body, I remember, death is still a dreadful experience, knowing that, I am glad, I am thankful that you chose yourself over me. I want nothing more than for you to be happy and healthy and you being punished by some entity with punishment worse than death, even not a permanent one, absolutely doesn't fit into this category. Okay, husband?" he almost demanded in the end, not trying to be calm anymore.
"Okay," quietly whispered Shen Qingqiu, hugging him tightly. "Thank you."
"Thank you for trusting me," replied Luo Binghe, hugging him back. They sat for a while, calming down. Then, when they both finally seemed relaxed enough, he asked, "Shall we eat, husband?"
Shen Qingqiu nodded, then stood up, stretching his body. Luo Binghe smiled at him, once again charmed by his beauty, then turned away, warming up the cold food. They ate, not bothered by the silence.
"Binghe may ask questions, this husband will answer," Shen Qingqiu softly said, when they drank tea with sweets afterwards.
Luo Binghe stilled, thinking where to start. Obviously, he was confused. It was not an easy confession to wrap a head around. However, with their experience, they both learned to not underestimate the value of well-asked questions. He tapped the cup lightly, organizing the thoughts.
"The entity... Is it still bothering you?" he asked after a while, fearing to hear the answer.
"No. Binghe has no need to be worried. After the plot was completed, after we stopped your father, I mean, the entity fell asleep, in a sense. It hasn't made its appearance since, and I pray it never will. Honestly, I think I am able to tell you anything only because of its absence. But I'm glad I do," Shen Qingqiu's smile was a little tense, and chills crept down Luo Binghe's spine. He was glad, too.
"Good," he nodded. Then, shyly, he asked another question, covering the less urgent but way more important topic, "Can... Can husband tell this Binghe about himself?"
"Oh," Shen Qingqiu blushed beautifully. "Yes, of course. But I don't know what do Binghe wants to know exactly, so he has to ask, okay?" after Luo Binghe had nodded, his husband continued, "In my other world I was no one because I was sickly and I died young. My family didn't have problems with money, so it wasn't hard for them to afford my hospitals," he winced, "I had both parents, two older brothers and a little sister. We had a good relationship, but not very close. It was... It was expected that I will die young," Shen Qingqiu finished, hoarsely, voice thick with emotion. Luo Binghe took his hand to support his husband once again.
"Does the husband miss his family?"
"I do, yes," Shen Qingqiu admitted quietly. "but I've been for six or eleven, including my absence, years, and I have already mourned them. I don't want to go back, if that is what Binghe is asking."
It was.
"My life is here now, and I like it here. I am happy here, with you, more than I have ever been there. You are my family, Binghe," said his husband disarmingly sincere. Luo Binghe felt his eyes stinging again.
"What was your name?" nearly whispered Luo Binghe, his voice wavering.
"Shen Yuan," with the same wavering voice replied Shen Qingqiu- no, Shen Yuan.
"May I..." Luo Binghe licked his lips. "May I call you that?"
"Yes," readily breathed out his husband. And then added, "Please."
It was like a catalyst. Luo Binghe stood up, knocking off the table, at the same time as his husband. The whole world narrowed as they stumbled to kiss each other.
"Shen Yuan, Yuan, my A-Yuan," chanted Binghe frantically between kisses.
"Yes, Binghe, yes," passionately agreed his husband.
It was a while before they could talk coherently again, both smiling happily while lazing around in bed.
"A-Yuan?" called Binghe softly.
"Yes, A-Luo?" as softly replied his husband, smiling.
"You said you were young when you died. How old were you exactly?" Luo Binghe asked, not trying to conceal his curiosity.
"I died soon after my nineteenth birthday," Shen Yuan said a little sadly.
"So young!" Luo Binghe gasped, mind working quickly. "I was fifteen!"
"Yes," he laughed, a little embarassed. "Counting my conscious years, I would dare to say I'll be twenty-five soon?" Shen Yuan gasped excitedly, sitting up. "Binghe! I nearly missed my birthday! It will be in a week, oh my god," he turned to Luo Binghe only to see him staring at him with shock written all over his face. "Binghe?"
"A-Yuan," Luo Binghe said, still shocked. "I'm twenty-six."
"Yes?.." his husband uncertainly confirmed, before realisation hit upon him. "Oh my god. Oh my god. Binghe, you are older than me!" Shen Yuan squeaked, hiding his embarrassed face in his hands.
"A-Yuan," Luo Binghe repeated, still shaken, "A-Yuan, you are so young."
"I am, I am," laughed his embarrassed husband, taking his hands off his face.
They sat quietly. Luo Binghe was quietly trying to re-perceive all their communication, while Shen Yuan looked at him, visibly considering something. Somehow, the age difference alone was way harder to realise and to adjust to than all the "I died and woke up here" thing.
His husband looked at him like he had made the decision he was thinking about so hard. He cocked his head, looked at him through the eyelashes, blushing and smiling somewhat slyly.
"Luo-gege," he called, openly meeting his gaze despite the deep blush. "You're my Luo-gege, are you not? Gege."
Oh.