Chapter 1: Starman
Chapter Text
There's a starman waiting in the sky
He'd like to come and meet us
But he thinks he'd blow our minds
There's a starman waiting in the sky
He's told us not to blow it
'Cause he knows it's all worthwhile
-David Bowie "Starman" 1969
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Location: SS Patronus orbiting destination planet Earth
He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, willing the pressure behind his eyes to go away. After finally reaching their destination–already late due to loading delays and translation errors from a neighbouring trading site–the crew was barely managing to run the vessel due to a sweep of flu knocking out over half the population onboard. But they desperately needed to scan for a secure entry point before the orbital window was lost.
Sirius knew he was a good captain. Despite being one of the youngest Commanders in the embassy at 21 years old, his technical knowledge was superb and his ability to connect with people even better. Whether it was charisma or the privilege of physical attractiveness (or his hyper-awareness due to a trauma survival response learned from childhood), people liked him. His crew respected him and wanted to make him proud.
He knew that there were people who questioned his fast rank, assuming that the son of Admiral Black and heir to the coveted chair in the Sacred 28 had climbed the ladder on name alone. But Sirius had worked for his spot, using the privilege granted to him by birth alone to learn. If asked why Sirius Black was a good leader, people would recount memories of the Commander connecting with each member of the team, listening to their stories and wanting to learn from them, regardless of his higher rank.
But being in charge also meant making tough decisions in even tougher situations. Like the current conundrum. How to launch their intel mission when people were otherwise occupied blowing out of both ends in their private quarters? (A question that Sirius asked without needing an accompanying mental image, thank you.)
“Black to Potter, consult in control.”
“Copy, Cap.”
He sat back in his seat after calling over the comms and waited for his Chief Officer and best mate, James Potter. A woosh announced his arrival as he entered the control room through sliding doors. Sirius met his hazel eyes and provided a lopsided frown. “We need to get down there. Today.”
His second in command sighed and plopped down next to him and ruffled his already unruly black hair. “What’s the current window?”
“4 hours. Just under.”
James groaned and locked eyes with his best friend, brother, and commanding officer. “We have no crew. Kingsley is stuck helping Medical get the sick away from the not-sick. Completely shuffling living quarters and trying to quarantine the bug before it gets all of us. Marls and the entire research team are ill.”
Sirius’s previously lopsided frown became full on as he heard all the executive members on the ship counted out.
“This is a bitch of an unsatisfactory situation, Prongs."
James huffed a laugh at the use of his childhood nickname. “It is. What do we need done today? How much of a priority?”
“If we miss the window today then we lose over a week. Maybe more, if we don’t find the landing site on the first attempt.”
James cursed and furrowed his brow. “So top priority. We just really can’t spare anyone, those who are healthy are keeping the Patronus running and just barely managing to fill in what needs to be done onboard.”
The captain sighed and looked out the bay to the blue and green planet orbiting below. “That’s why I need to go.”
“What ? How do you come to that conclusion?”
Sirius merely flashed an unamused look towards his mate before looking back out the window. “Because literally my entire crew is working their arse off, while I have the luxury of sitting up here asking the big questions. You’ll be in charge, but you can keep working on refitting our nav charts while I’m gone. I can take an automaton with me to help, but really I just need to circle the landscape and scan a secure base to set up our research station. I’ll unload gear and set up a locater so we can easily find it outside the orbital window. It can be a one man job, if I do it right.”
James sputtered in protest but had little room to argue–there wasn’t another optimal choice and Sirius had already come to that conclusion prior to his arrival.
“I could go with you!”
“James. I want you to keep an eye on my trajectory. And we need navigation charts, that’s a priority. Marl’s team is wretched at nav, I wouldn’t let them near the control room without you around. Merlin, I wouldn’t let them in even with you around.”
James groaned and squeezed his eyes in defeat. “I know. I know. So, you’ll do recon alone. Alright, fine you can go.”
Sirius flashed a quick grin “I didn’t need your permission, arse. I’m your Captain, your job is to follow orders.”
James groaned even louder. “Actually I think my job is to make sure you don’t do anything stupid. Keep you in line and all that.”
They both shook with silent laughter, neither denying the role that James played for their Charming but Reckless Captain. They took a moment to collect themselves and began preparations for launch.
The Captain worked his way down the loading dock towards shuttle 4 (which he had secretly nicknamed Ziggy, not that he would tell anyone that. Not very Commanderly to name an inanimate object after an ancient Earthling singer). He tapped in the instructions for the automaton to join the vessel, and watched as a 7 foot humanoid machine detached from the ship wall and slowly lurched towards the loaded shuttle. He grinned in amusement as the automaton latched onto the nook in the shuttle where it would provide AI support on the flight. Adorable , he mentally cooed, seeing the human-like machine settle snugly into the craft.
He had informed his executive crew, the heads of each department on board, that he would be running the initial recon mission independently. While his announcement had been met with some apprehensive looks, his crew didn’t question him. Partially due to the trust they had built with him over the past year, but also due to the fact that they really had no other option.
Kingsley, his General Chief and Security Officer had debriefed him on anticipated threats. Grounders likely existed in sparse communities (The estimated human race left behind back in 2048 was about 3.2 million), but their current weapon use was unknown. Sirius would likely not make contact, but he should proceed with caution and extend pleasantries if contact occurred. Peter, his Chief Science Officer chimed in through the comms (he was one of the lucky ones spewing in his sleeping quarters). “There will likely be flora and fauna, though it’s unclear at the threat they pose to us currently. Humans used to be at the top of the predatory chain prior to our space expansion. The air quality is the biggest concern, before we do testing I would keep your helmet on the entire trip.”
Sirius respectfully listened to his crew and took their advice with a firm nod. “Excellent. Keep operations here running while I’m away. Priorities continue to be supporting Medical with quarantine, repairing the navigation charts, and making sure that all primary functions on board keep running. Potter, take care of my ship.”
With a chorus of affirmatives, Sirius made his way onboard Ziggy and powered up the shuttle. He took a deep breath, felt the thrill of adventure thrumming in his veins, and guided the craft out the airlock. There was always something liberating about that initial moment of slipping out into the dark, being in control in an otherwise vast and unpredictable space. He kept a watchful eye on his navigation trajectory and finally allowed the AI to take over while he clad himself in a thermal suit and helmet, keeping the visor up for now until he hit the atmosphere.
“ Patronus to Shuttle 4, copy?”
“Copy, Potter, course is set with an anticipated entry in 23 minutes.”
James chimed back in recognition and Sirius watched the planet below, the shifting white cloud coverage leaving space to the vivid blues and greens below. Every human learned about their origin planet in school, but the fact of the matter was that the planet had been brushed aside over the past century, viewed as a lost cause and something to learn about with the frame of history, not something that existed in the present. When Sirius had been called to conduct research on the old rock he had jumped in immediately. He still felt a ping of suspicion that the embassy suddenly held interest in the resources and rehabilitation purposes on Earth, but he brushed it aside to deal with when it came to that. He was good at compartmentalising.
The shuttle chimed the approaching entry zone and the automaton relinquished AI to allow Sirius to manually manoeuvre the craft. He flipped his visor down and settled firmly behind the controls, as James’ voice cracked through his helmet comms.
“ --irius? Do—py?”
“Black here, about to hit the atmosphere”. His response was met with silence. “Black to Potter, do you copy?”.
James replied with static, only partial words cutting through. “ Losing— location—sys—wn”.
With Jame’s last broken word, Sirius hit the atmosphere and was immediately assaulted with a flash of lights and blaring alarms. He felt the steering control spasm under his hands before the shuttle gave an alarming drop, sputtered, and dropped further. He felt the shuttle pick up startling speed as it was pulled into Earth’s gravitational force without any thrusters to slow the descent. Flashing across the screen and echoing in his helmet comms were the words System Failure.
“Ah, splendid. Brilliant,” Sirius drawled, leaning into his role of dramatism even in the face of death.
Chapter 2: As the World Falls Down
Summary:
Remus POV
italics are people speaking over the radio
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
There's such a sad love
Deep in your eyes a kind of pale jewel
Open and closed
Within your eyes
I'll place the sky
Within your eyes
-David Bowie "As the World Falls Down" 1986
Life on Earth was, for lack of a better term, rough.
While it was no dystopian wasteland–now that the air had only mild levels of radiation and resources had been steadily improving over the past 300 plus years–it was still a place of survival. Those left on Earth were expected to die along with the planet when humans made the decision to escape into space. Cowards.
So the remaining (abandoned) population had bred tenacity, resilience, and an honest-to-God fear that giving less than 110% would result in death. They were fucking tough. And rightfully still held some resentment towards those who lived in the stars. Fights over turf were a common occurrence between the scattered colonies along the coast, nasty plagues threatened to wipe out an already dwindling population, and scavenging for resources was a necessary practice of life as they knew it.
Remus Lupin stoked his campfire with a rogue stick and impatiently waited for his water to boil over the low flame. Despite the rough existence on Earth, Remus wanted to enjoy a damn cup of tea. It was the simple things, really.
He’d been on Watch rotation for the past 32 hours and was ready to get back home and sleep in an actual bed rather than his lumpy bedroll or cramped seat in the rover. The perimeter parole was something he enjoyed least about his job and the past few days had little excitement and he was steadily growing bored. They’d been on somewhat peaceful terms with their neighbours the past year or so; fighting had been kept to a minimum. Watch had turned into perimeter marking and tense treaty negotiations, which hardly kept the 25 year old man entertained.
He sipped his brewed tea and squinted up at the sky and figured he had time for a 30 minute kip, when suddenly his walkie cracked with static and his mentor’s voice echoed around the small clearing.
“ Mad-Eye to Roman, we got incoming.”
He scrambled out of his recline and hurried to respond. “Roman here, what am I workin’ with, eh?”
“Satellite picked up a craft, expected to crash about 4 kilometres east of ya.”
His heart picked up in excitement at the sudden change in plans. Crashes weren’t unheard of though they were fairly rare, and often led to some serious supplies. They needed to get to the crash site first before scouts from the other colony clued in. “On it, I’ll head out and keep ya updated.”
“Good boy. Constant vigilance!”
He chuckled at the familiar words and packed up his sparse camp within minutes, before swinging up into the loaded rover and made his way quickly towards the provided coordinates. He sped down dirt roads, automatically navigating the rocky terrain and wiry forest while he glanced up at the sky.
There .
About 10 minutes into his drive, Remus gasped as he finally caught a glimpse of his target. A burning ship hurtled past in a disastrous plummet, trailing a darkened stain across the clear sky. He cursed under his breath and pressed on the gas, knowing that the smoke trail made the craft easier to find.
The sparse tree coverage hid his view of the actual collison, but Remus felt the rover shake underneath him and the resulting boom left his ears ringing. He broke the tree cover and slid to a stop, taking in the wreckage. The ship had fared much better than he would have originally expected, but lay smoking in a fresh crater along the rocky seashore. Remus stuck his head out the window and listened cautiously for sounds of approaching scouts, but heard only the hiss of the smoking ship. He licked his lips and took a deep breath, before reaching for his walkie.
“Roman to Mad-Eye. Found it, looks to be human made? Nothin’ like the Raider’s craft. So far no scouts.”
“ Fine, don’t forget to hunt around for scav’ .”
Remus rolled his eyes at the unnecessary reminder to note any valuable supplies to scavenge for their colony. He leaped out of the rover and traversed the treacherous ground with ease, the air filled with sparks and smoke. He flickered his eyes over the area and noted that he was sitting around a goddamn trove of valuable items that had burst from the ship on impact. He hummed in thought pondering what to grab first, a difficult question, as he debated between the food and an intimidating case of technical equipment.
A gloved hand struggled out the side window panel of the shuttle, followed by a low groan causing Remus to pause on his mental shopping.
Someone. Alive .
Remus ran on ingrained behaviour that was needed to live on Earth; act first, think later. He jumped in to give aid without a thought.
The human had brutally pulled off their helmet, throwing it to the side with apparent anger, and Remus could hear a choke of words bursting from the person as they struggled out of the ship. He recognized English spewing from their mouth, but he couldn't understand the meaning behind the words. However, based on the ferocity the words were issued, he made an educated guess that he was witnessing a slurry of curses. “Zig–-buggering bloody arse waste of SCRAP metal….Merlin’s useless saggy-”.
Remus grinned. His first official contact with a celestial–the horribly cliche nickname they’d given humans who resided only in space– was filled with creative swears and burning space metal. Fucking better than he ever could have imagined.
Pale grey eyes flew open when Remus reached his side, staring at him in bewilderment, and Remus couldn’t help but wonder if living in the stars had coloured the man’s features to mirror their surroundings.
“Alri, mush? Let’s get you sorted.”
He helped pull the man out further from the craft, careful not to jostle him too much before he knew the extent of injuries. The angle of his leg was certainly questionable. (Unless celestials had evolved with double jointed knees. He didn’t think so).
“Now I dun know much about flyin’, but I reckon ya supposed to land a bit differently,” Remus mused dryly, once they settled a few feet away from the busted window. The man grunted, a sign that he was either responding to Remus’s sarcasm with far less amusement than Remus himself, or an expression of pain. Hard to tell. “What’s your name then, eh?”
“Sirius,” he gasped, voice hoarse from smoke and crimson spitting across his lips. Ah, so he was listening. “Like the star. Crashed, not on purpose.”
Remus smirked. “Alright, Starboy, you can call me Roman then.”
Sirius coughed, a harsh noise around his words. “Pleasure, I’m sure."
Remus hummed, a grin still playing across his mouth. He was enjoying this far too much. “Well, let’s get you patched up, Starboy, since you fell from the sky and all."
“Appreciate it,” the fallen man mumbled and shifted with a groan.
Remus had little faith in his first aid ability and figured support from his friend and healer was warranted. He jogged back to his rover and grabbed his walkie, making his way back to the rescued man.
“Roman to Mad-Eye, found a celestial male. I’ll get ‘im loaded up back to ya but I’ma worried he’s in a bad way. Grab Lily, eh?”. He crouched back down at Sirius’s side and another glance at the man showed that he had fallen unconscious. “Ah feck.”
He started cataloguing wounds, waiting on Lily’s radio support before proceeding further. Remus was close enough to take in pale skin, almost translucent, with blue veins snaking underneath and purple hollows under closed eyes. Sirius had an angular face with arched dark eyebrows and full pale lips, all framed by ink black waves currently weighed down by drying blood. Remus was struck with the immediate thought that the man before him was gorgeous. But uncomfortably so. His features felt clean, unblemished to the point of being otherworldly. Like a copy of a person rather than an actual living being. Remus briefly spared a thought to his own sun-weathered skin, the ropes of scars on his body, callused and worn overall.
Sirius looked young. And alone.
Remus squinted back at the wreckage pondering why the man was attempting to land on Earth by himself. His thoughts were interrupted by the radio cracking, before Lily’s voice called out. “Remus? Er, I mean. Roman, copy?”
He snorted and grabbed the communication device. “Ah Lils, you make a better Healer than a Watcher, eh? Listen I got a celestial here who got hurt in a crash, can I move ‘im to the rover? He just knocked out.”
“What injuries can you see?”
He glanced down at the young man laying next to him and rattled off what he had inferred so far. “Gash on his skull, bleeding but slowin’ down and not too deep. Knee looks bent at an angle which I’m assuming it shouldn’t. Can’t see much else but he’s in a suit.”
“The head wound could cause trouble, but if it’s slowin’ then that’s a good sign,” Lily’s voice chopped back. “If you can wrap his leg, not too tight but keep it from movin’ around much, should be fit to get him in the rover. Just support his neck, eh? You don’t see any punctures on the suit?”
“Nah, it's as fresh as a spring, that. Alright I’ll wrap the leg and load ‘im in the car. Ta, Lils.”
Remus scanned the area for the needed items to create a splint and grabbed his ragged rucksack from the back of the rover. He pulled out his camp blanket, rolling it into a long cylinder, before wrapping it in a makeshift splint around the unconscious man’s foot, creating a U shape with the blanket framing his leg on either side. He hummed in thought before acknowledging the need to tear one of his shirts into strips. “Ya owe me a new shirt, spaceman,” he muttered as he used the new cloth strips to hold the blanket in place, keeping the leg steady.
Carrying Sirius to the rover was more difficult than he planned, having to worry about supporting his head and keeping the leg safe from additional damage. He grunted, sweating and cursing at the weight of the celestial, as he heaved the injured man into the back of the rover across the back seats.
Remus allowed himself a few breaths before rushing to collect some of the surrounding supplies. He loaded up several miscellaneous bags, a case of technology equipment, and opted to take a quick peek inside the shuttle. He wedged his way through the window that Sirius had emerged from, having to squeeze and pull a bit more due to being larger than the dark haired man. The inside of the shuttle was dark, illuminated by the occasional flickering light and burst of sparks. He knew that his knowledge of the craft was extremely limited, but he scrambled through the small space to find any other equipment worth scavenging. Not much that he could grab on his own, though he reckoned he could bring several of the Pack out to help him gut the place…
“Oh Christ!” he smacked to a sudden stop with his heart flying into his throat. He warily stared down the giant machine that was nestled into the wall of the craft, human in shape but much larger. He paused, not wanting to get any closer to the thing in case that it woke up and reacted in an unpleasant way. He hesitated a bit longer in the ship (his eyes kept flickering back to that damn machine, it was distracting.) before he heard the telltale sign of approaching scouts.
“Damn,” he breathed and worked his way quickly back to the rover, now filled with a variety of scav. A quick glance told him that Sirius was still knocked out cold and he started up the vehicle. He made a quick call to the colony to let them know about the scout’s arrival and began the journey back home.
With the fading adrenaline, Remus found his mind filling the silence with endless questions about his passenger in the backseat. They knew a little about the races living in the sky, having gathered information painstakingly over the years; reports from crashed ships, stolen communication feeds that hit their satellite, and information gained from looting old Earth facilities. But their information was admittedly sparse and dated. They had pieced together that there were two embassies currently attempting peaceful resolution and that celestials were under the authority of the Sacred 28, founded by the original space travel families that had escaped from Earth those many centuries ago.
Having Sirius here would give them their first shot at true information about life in the stars.
Notes:
Welp, we have a chapter from Sirius and now Remus!
I'm surprised how much I enjoy writing Remus. The sass is so fun, and I decided to use a little Welsh slang mixed in there, let me know if there's anything not accurate since I'm relying on dear Google!
"Alri" pronounced or-i is short for alright and is a greeting or way of asking how someone is doing
"Mush" is a term of endearment, similar to calling a friend "mate".
Chapter Text
Dazed and confused for so long it's not true
Wanted a woman, never bargained for you
Sweet little baby, say what you will
Tongue wag so much when I send you the bill
- Led Zeppelin "Dazed and Confused" 1969
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Location: ???
Sirius slowly came to awareness, his body ringing with the splitting pain in his head and a throbbing ache along his left leg that radiated heat from the knee. After the initial awareness of his body, he felt the rumble and jolt of being in a moving vessel that was not familiar to his ship.
What the bloody–?
He suddenly remembered the scent of smoke, still lingering in his nose, the flashing lights, jarring sound of tearing metal. The impact of the unavoidable crash. His eyes flew open and he shot up to a sitting position with a gasp.
Sirius acknowledged various shades of green and brown that swiftly rolled past the window panels of an enclosed vehicle with worn seats. He felt a flicker of familiarity, taking in the space around him, vaguely recalling old history books with pictures of past machinery. An automobile his mind supplied helpfully, as he urged his heartbeat to slow to a more tolerable rhythm.
The crude vehicle was currently being operated by a head of tawny curls with tanned and freckled skin. The hands on the wheel were encased in silvery scars, taught muscle, and the confidence of someone who had navigated the landscape many times over. Another flicker of vague familiarity and Sirius recalled warm hands pulling him from the shuttle, amber eyes. And sarcasm. Right.
“Oi, where are you taking me?” Still flustered from his disorienting awakening, Sirius dove right into the important questions.
The driver looked back in surprise and flashed a crooked grin. Sirius noted that the scars from his hands appeared to continue across the stranger’s body, lines in various stages of healing decorating his exposed neck and face. One scar in particular pulled the left corner of his mouth down, ending at the edge of his jaw.
“Bless, he awakes. Got some beauty rest, did ya, Starboy?”
Sirius felt a flicker of annoyance and merely blinked in reply, not bothering to give a response.
The man snorted and turned back to watch his path over the rocky terrain. “We’re headed back to the colony, eh? Figured we’d have a Healer check that leg, I’m not much help for that, am I?”
Sirius blinked some more. The colony. Merlin. Attempting to calm his heartbeat appeared to have been a moot point, as he felt his pulse quicken in panic.
“Right. Thank you,” he countered, grateful he was able to keep his mounting stress hidden from his voice. “I appreciate the help, but I need to communicate with my crew as soon as possible. My comms malfunctioned post atmosphere on entry.”
It was the driver’s turn to blink in response. “Wha?”
Sirius was having trouble following the conversation now. He brought his hands to his face and massaged his temples, willing his headache to go away and be replaced with Patience. In all honesty he wasn’t used to having interpersonal difficulty. Maybe he had lost his charm.
Maybe he had a concussion.
Right, he figured he might as well take it back to the basics of socialisation.
“I apologise, my head is a bit scrambled from the crash. What’s your name?” He flashed a warm smile and relaxed back into the seat.
The tawny haired man guided the vehicle to a stop and turned to face Sirius with his full attention, an eyebrow raised and guarded expression.
“Call me Roman.”
Sirius noticed the phrasing and figured that the man wasn't being entirely forthcoming, despite his charming self. “Nice to meet you, 'Roman'. I’m–”
“Sirius, like the star, eh? We’ve met,” he snorted in amusement.
“Er, yes.” He fumbled at the interruption but ploughed on. “Do you happen to have communication equipment at your colony? I would like to try and contact my crew, if possible.” Another dazzling smile.
The man frowned and looked at Sirius’s smile with a wary glance. “We dun have the ‘ communication equipment ’ that you’ll be needing I expect.” He had copied Sirius’s inflections. “Jus’ radios and an old satellite that works for shite.”
“Bloody Merlin’s tit!” Sirius dropped his charm attempts and cursed loudly, smacking his hand on the roof of the vehicle. He groaned and slunk down in the seat. “Brilliant.”
Roman had dropped his frown and grinned at Sirius causing a scene. “Well let’s get that knee sorted, we can go back to your ship and get things worked out after, ya? I reckon you’ll be questioned a bit by our leaders but shouldn’t take much. Though I doubt your ship is up for flyin’, based on your landing.”
Sirius peered back at him in confusion, still sitting low in his seat. (Not sulking, Commanders did not sulk.)
“My ship is in bloody orbit. I can’t waltz up to the doors if it’s in space .”
Roman looked on in equal confusion, but nodded, starting to piece together what Sirius was trying to communicate. “Ah…That wasn’ your ship that crashed then. Your crewmates are in space waiting for you?”
Sirius sighed in relief. “Yes. Yes, I took a shuttle down to scan the area and find a landing site for our ship, but things went to shit. Everything malfunctioned, lost control over every system. I need to find a way to reach them, let them know not to take the ship, a much bigger ship, in before it crashes too.”
Roman’s amber eyes widened at that and he turned the vehicle back on, guiding them back onto their path. “Right, I reckon we hurry before that happens.”
Sirius allowed himself to relax a bit, knowing that his rescuer finally understood the severity of the situation. He calculated in his head, thinking back to their position in orbit and possible timeline before his crew attempted to land. Sirius believed that they missed the current window and likely would need to wait a week to have the same navigation path to seek him out. Not to mention the limited healthy crew.
However, he knew that his Chief Officer had the risk of thinking emotionally when it came to Sirius, and could potentially try and launch a rescue mission after his best friend and Commander. His heart ached at the worry his crash was likely causing onboard the Patronus. He had to hope that James would think logically. Exhaustion sunk into his bones, and he allowed himself to get lost in the scenery outside the window. Finally getting to absorb the view of his origin planet.
“So this is Earth,” he whispered, mostly to himself, but noticed Roman glance out his own window in response.
“Mmhm,” he hummed. “Welcome home, I suppose?”
Sirius’s eyes tracked the sprawling vegetation and unfamiliar topography, picking up remnants of ruined structures that hinted of a life centuries ago now abandoned to the wild landscape. He couldn’t help the shiver that rolled down his spine, unsure if it was from his view or the words spoken by the man behind the wheel.
Notes:
Thank you all for the feedback so far!
I don't have a specific schedule for this story, it was more for my own enjoyment, but I definitely have a lot planned in my head.Curious what people are expecting next?
Remus's POV coming up!
Chapter 4: Over the Hills and Far Away
Notes:
Oops. Accidentally finished another chapter so here ya go! Remus POV
Thought I should also note that in the previous Chapter, Remus is called 'Roman" since it is from Sirius' POV and that was the name Remus gave him. :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Many dreams come true, and some have silver linings
I live for my dream, and a pocket full of gold
Mellow is the man who knows what he's been missing
Many, many men can't see the open road
- Led Zeppelin "Over the Hills and Far Away" 1973
Remus guided the rover down the panelled road and approached the colony barricade (towering stone walls reinforced over the years with various wood and scrap material), feeling both curiosity and apprehension directed towards the pale man behind him.
The rover hit the dirt path inside the colony walls, and they passed old outlook posts, farm land, scav dump locations, and various settlements. The colony spread for several kilometres in diameter, and the distance between the first and second wall was the longest. Remus had explained on the drive that the colony was circular with the most important location in the innermost ring. With the outer barricade surrounding the colony along three sides and the coast along the other, it offered a semblance of safety in a world fixated on survival.
He silently mulled over the information he had learned from his conversation with Sirius:
- The wreckage they left behind was merely a small transport vehicle, not a full sized spaceship.
- The rest of his crew were currently in orbit above Earth, likely wondering where their crewmate went.
- Sirius needed tech to contact that ship before it too came crashing to the planet.
- The likelihood of his colony having said equipment was pretty goddamn slim. And that was Remus being optimistic.
He also pondered the information he had gleaned from observation: Sirius was dangerous.
Remus had watched as the raven haired man transformed. Going from a calculated and guarded person taking in his surroundings, to suddenly using warm smiles and open posture, eloquent words that flowed from his mouth that invited a person in with gentle arms. And then another entirely different person when he was cursing, sputtering, and pouting.
Dangerous. Remus may not know the difference between spacecrafts and comm devices but he saw people. What he saw with Sirius was a person who could shift his personality in order to get what he wanted. And he had a good feeling that Sirius was often successful in his efforts.
He glanced back at the celestial in his rearview mirror and couldn’t help the flicker of amusement at seeing the childlike wonder in his steel coloured eyes, face lit up and enraptured as he drank in their surroundings from the rover window. Remus added another presentation of the man to his mental list, taking in the spellbound innocence in his backseat. Dangerous.
If he happened to glance in the mirror often and take a bit too long to look away, it was merely because he was a Watcher. It was his job to watch things. In one of his glances, Remus noticed Sirius had closed his eyes, face screwed up in a grimace. His lips looked dry, caked with flakes of dried blood, the wound on his head no longer bleeding but developing an impressive bruise on the surrounding skin.
“You feelin’ alrigh’?”
Sirius fluttered his eyes open and gave a stiff nod before turning to look back out the window.
Oh good, he was the stubborn and proud type.
“I have some water, I shoulda offered sooner, forgot my manners,” he apologised softly, and reached for a flask in the passenger seat. “Guessin’ your head hurts somethin’ awful,” he added, offering the flask over his shoulder for the injured man to grab.
He watched as Sirius hesitated, licking his lips as he considered the presented drink. “I’m fine.”
Remus rolled his eyes. Christ. “Mmm, mhmm. Tell that to the black and blue on your face or the size of your knee. Take the water, Starboy.”
“No,” he snapped back with a glare.
“Fecking hell, fine. Just thought you’d want to do what you need in order to get back to your ship, my mistake for thinking that meant takin’ care of yourself.” Remus could practically feel the anger radiating from the backseat. “Or,” he continued on, knowing he was pushing to get a rise out of his new companion, “Maybe you celestials dun need water. I suppose it was hard to find out in space, reckon you all evolved and dun need something so basic to survive.”
Remus was surprised to hear a snort, rather loudly, erupt behind him. Point to Sirius for surprising him yet again.
“We need water, you daft prick. And food,” he added dryly, “before you make some weird assumption about our eating habits relying on photosynthesis.”
Remus ignored the quip (and no, he had no idea what the hell photo-whatsis was ) but instead gave his flask a light shake, causing the water to make an impressive slosh. “Alri, then drink. I know you’re thirsty, your mouth looks like smoked meat.”
Sirius hesitated again and cleared his throat with a dry swallow. “I…I don’t know if I can safely drink the water here. I don’t have my sanitation device or even my scanner to run an analysis on what might be in there.” He paused and grimaced. “Technically I can’t say that I know the air is even safe for me. My visor stopped working on my exosuit and I’ve been laying here breathing in Merlin knows what.”
Perhaps Sirius deserved another point for making Remus speechless. He had never considered that Earth still might be harmful to celestials. He knew the reason humans went into space in the first place was to avoid the impact of radiation, dying resources, and war. But some part of him had figured that the original planet of humanity would always offer a place of solace for those who once lived here.
Thankfully Sirius was apparently rambling, not having noticed Remus’ lack of response.
“ –though I suppose I’d die without it as well, so really there’s no good option here, is there?”
“Hmm?”
Sirius snatched the flask from his loose grip and took a tentative sip, before quickly gulping down large mouthfuls of water with a moan as his thirst took over. “Oh that’s good.”
Remus listened in equal parts alarm and bemusement. “Er–”
“It actually has a taste . I always thought water was just nothing but wet. But this, “ He took another swallow, “now I know there’s definitely something in here that we don’t have–”
“Uh–Sirius?” The man paused in his ramble and raised an eyebrow, wincing as it pulled on the wound on his head. “What if…what if that isn’t safe, eh?”
“Well,” the celestial drawled with an air of acceptance. “I figured my probability of getting out of this situation, unscathed or otherwise, is pretty low, so I might as well take the chances that come my way. Carpe Diem and all that.”
Fucking hell. Who was this man? Remus had a headache. Another point to the man from space.
Notes:
I just love sarcastic Remus trying to get a rise out of Sirius, but ending up with Remus just being exhausted lol
Sooo..how many points did he award Sirius? We'll have to keep a tally up!
Chapter 5: Handle With Care
Summary:
Arrival at the colony! *enters Lily stage left*
POV Sirius
Notes:
This chapter ended up a bit longer than I anticipated, for some reason the caringLily and Sirius connection just needed the extra attention!
No major triggers, but there is minor medical care over some injuries, and some mild panic about feeling sleepy/disoriented from medicine
I love comments btw <3
Chapter Text
Been beat up and battered 'round
Been sent up, and I've been shot down
You're the best thing that I've ever found
Handle me with care
-Traveling Wilburys "Handle with Care" 1988
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Location: Earth colony
Now Sirius would never admit it, but he found himself with a much clearer and less painful head after guzzling the liquid of life offered by his kind hero and found himself taking in his surroundings with much greater enthusiasm. They had entered the initial colony gates and were travelling towards the centre of the colony along a winding dirt road, another barricade in the near distance similar to the first but considerably smaller.
Roman had narrated a bit about colony life on their drive—despite being a man of few words—-pointing out the fields of vegetables and grains, scavenger dump sites, and aqueduct systems as they journeyed further inward.
Cluster of buildings with a paved circular opening with people milling about completing odd jobs. Sirius found himself whipping his head back and forth, struggling to observe the lives of the people outside the vehicle windows as they drove past. While a space station often thrummed with activity, the movement in space was much more routine and militant. Life in the colony at first glance appeared to be, respectfully, organised chaos. And Merlin, Sirius was mesmerised . He felt a tug in his chest as he watched a group of children run by, roaring with laughter, something about their fierce expressions of joy making a wishful lump form in the young captain’s throat.
And while he was being honest with himself, he was also quite a bit embarrassed . His expectations of life on Earth were quickly eroding away with each minute spent on the planet, erasing assumptions of isolated tribes with feral mannerisms, quick to attack in order to survive. Instead he watched as he was escorted by a kind–if fairly sarcastic–man and surrounded by a thriving community that was full of life.
While Sirius internally battled old biases and new information, Roman rolled to a stop outside a metal building with wide doors large enough for multiple automobiles and broke the silence. “Alrigh’, here we are. Home.” he stated simply, before opening the door and jumping out. “Stay,” he ordered, raising a firm eyebrow at Sirius, who nodded in bewilderment. Sirius couldn’t help but feel a little panicked, pretty annoyed, and rather abandoned as he watched the gruff man walk away. (He blamed the spike of abandonment on his head wound, not the family trauma that was kept solidly locked away in a mental box. No key.)
It felt like a considerable amount of time before he noticed Roman’s tall figure loping back towards the automobile with a much shorter person in tow. He carefully schooled his features into that of bored indifference as he studied the new arrival; skin covered in a shocking smattering of freckles, long fire-red hair decorated with a number of braids, ribbon, and feathers. She gestured animatedly, apparently chattering away to a stoic faced Roman.
The door across from Sirius was wrenched open in a creak of rusted metal, and he heard the continuation of the conversation.
“-and he said she wasn’ interested but honestly, Remus, I know what interest looks like. Trust. Me.”
Her final two words were emphasised with sharp whacks against Roman’s—no Remus’– chest. She spoke with the same accent, dropped consonants and clipped syllables. She swiftly turned piercing green eyes towards Sirius, which widened when she noticed him still sitting in the backseat.
Sirius found himself shifting uncomfortably in the seat under her gaze and the sudden stop of her chatter. Remus gave her a nudge with his elbow. “Lily, this is Sirius. He could use a healer. Know anyone who could help with that instead of just starin’?”
Merlin, he was so bloody sarcastic. Though Sirius took some pleasure in realising that it appeared to be directed at everyone, not just towards people he had rescued from burning spacecrafts. The introduction seemed to have spurred something in the healer and she immediately gave the injured man an assessing look.
“Sorry! Never met a celestial before, have I? Mmm decent gash on the head, might need to be stitched up. Let’s get ya inside and I can see the damage done to your leg, eh?” She flashed Sirius a gentle grin and he couldn’t help the warmth of gratitude welling in his chest.
“Thank you,” he murmured softly and flashed a gentle smile. “It’s wonderful to meet you.”
He took note of the slight blush that rose across her cheeks and he felt a bit more confident and secure in his ability to charm, despite being in drastically unfamiliar territory.
Lily barked some orders about the best way to get Sirius towards the ‘health hall’, a large wing in the main building dedicated to healing. The resulting plan ended with his arm around Remus’ broad shoulders, helping keep weight off his damaged leg, as they shuffled their way into the building. It was fairly awkward, due to their height difference and the pain radiating up his leg, but they managed a decent pace trailing behind Lily as she bustled ahead to prepare her supplies.
“So, Remus,” Sirius drawled softly, “Here I thought my dashing rescuer was named Roman.”
The man in question scoffed, flashed him a quick side-eye, then sighed fondly. “Fecking Lily.” They walked several more paces before the next words of wisdom. “Part of being a ‘dashing rescuer ’ is having secrets, be mysterious like, eh? Cannae do that if I give myself away to every person falling from the sky.”
Sirius gave a dignified snort in response. They entered a room to the right and he took in the new surroundings. He noted a narrow bed, a desk covered in various jars and instruments, drawers with cloth and fibrous wraps, and the impressive spread of dried herbs hanging from a low rafter. His brow furrowed slightly as he realised that his expectations were again being challenged, due to the space not at all resembling a sterile med bay.
“Alri, Starboy, I’ll leave ya here with Lils to get fixed up. I need to report back about what I found.” Remus grinned, dumping him ungracefully on the bed, before continuing in a more serious tone. “I dun know what we can do about your ship, but I’ll tell them what you’re needing, eh? Maybe get some idea what to do next.” He nudged Sirius in reassurance and headed out the door, calling over his shoulder on his way down the hall. “Be gentle with him, Lils!”
Sirius sighed, feeling his headache ramping in intensity from the oscillating kindness and sarcasm that emanated from Remus. He also felt the underlying flicker of panic and bone deep weariness about his shite situation. Relaxing back against the wall, Sirius stretched out his legs and watched Lily go about washing her hands and collecting her needed supplies.
“While I appreciate being treated gently, I’m not all that fragile,” he declared, as Lily rolled a chair over to sit beside him. She flashed him an amused grin.
“Ah, we’ll take your word for that, then. Suppose the state of you makes it seem like you’ve never seen a lick of pain before,” she stated, wetting some rags in a basin to begin washing away the blood drying on his forehead. Her eyes narrowed in concentration as she worked around the wound, careful not to pull harshly on the sensitive skin.
“What do you mean?”
She paused in her care and glanced at the confused expression on his face. “Oh. Well–” she hesitated. “It’s just that you look a bit perfect, innit? No scars, no marks. Complete blank slate, you are,” the healer explained and finished up wiping away the gore. “Bit different from how we look here.”
“Are–are scars normal here, then?” He asked softly, not wanting to offend the person assigned to help him. Sirius remembered the scars covering Remus, their tanned skin, sun spots, and the rough texture on Lily’s hands as she prodded at his hairline.
She hummed thoughtfully and reached for a jar filled with a green paste. “It’s a part of life, I suppose, we collect scars and marks that show that we’ve lived. That we’ve survived.”
Sirius nodded but felt his lips turn down in a frown. Despite his unscarred, unblemished , appearance, he also knew that he had survived. And felt pain. For some reason it bothered him that his body did not reflect his experience to his new companions. “I suspect our methods of healing are just a bit different,” he settled.
A strong scent, not unpleasant, filled the room as Lily opened the jar and gathered some of the paste onto her fingers and began to spread it over the gash. “This has cleansing properties and will also numb the area,” she explained. “Thankfully you dun need any stitches, just need to keep it clean.”
The paste left a cool tingling sensation, and he was grateful to feel the pain already easing. “Thank you,” Sirius sighed in relief. While his wound wasn’t healed instantly, as was typical in the medical care he usually received, the reduction in pain was welcome. “What are stitches?”
Lily blinked in surprise. “Oh. Er, well when a cut is bad enough that risks bleedin’ out, we sew it up. Ya know, with a needle and some string?”
Now, Sirius was a Commander. A captain of a large crew. One who fought his way through school, faced countless punishments from his family, even engaged in small combat during tense times with Raiders. But this? Merlin's tits, it was of the most appalling things he had ever had the opportunity to hear.
“Oh,” he coughed out weakly, swallowing back some bile. “Right, of course.” He sent a silent thank you to Merlin, Morgana–whoever was bloody listening–that he was spared having that experience today.
His redheaded saviour (one who apparently shoved needles into her patients) gestured down towards his leg in a silent question. He nodded and she began the task of removing the splint and he listened as she sang praise about the job Remus had done in wrapping his injury.
“We’ll have to get ya outta your suit so I can see it, are you hurt anywhere else?” She prodded gently along his leg and he hissed as her touch neared his left knee.
“No, just a bit sore all over.”
He wiggled with dignity out of his suit, unzipping and sliding the sleeves off his shoulders to shuffle the rest gently around his sore leg. Lily helped pull the rest of the suit off the lower half of his body, and he flushed a little in needing someone else to undress him. He laid back in his compression shirt and pants, not wanting to look at his swollen knee. Without the exosuit Sirius could feel the cool air against his exposed skin and a slight shiver worked its way up his spine.
“What’s the verdict, doc?”
“Doc?” The healer parroted back in confusion. He felt her rough hands gently run along the length of his knee, feeling cool against the heated skin. “Nothin’ broken, you really were lucky in that crash of yours,” she tutted. “We need to cool this down first, and then wrap it to keep it stable. You’ll also need to keep weight off it so it can heal for a few days.”
Sirius bit back his frustrated groan at the time healing appeared to take place on Earth. He took a chance and glanced down to see the offending knee and was startled to see that it was swollen to twice the size of his other and shockingly red. Lily grabbed another jar, this time filled with a more solid yellow paste that she worked between her hands. It smelled a bit like toothpaste, fresh and minty. “This is a cooling salve,” the healer rambled and began spreading it gently over his inflamed skin. “I made it recently, full of anti-inflammatory oils like peppermint and lemon balm.”
“That is lovely, ” Sirius moaned, the tension leaving his body. “Thank you. And thank you for explaining what you’re doing,” he added quietly.
Lily looked up at him with kind eyes. “Well. I reckon you’ve had enough surprises today, aye? Now, gotta wrap the leg and I’ll get some feverfew tea going to help with the pain. It’ll taste fecking disgusting,” she warned and wrapped a cloth bandage tightly around his leg.
The tea really was bloody disgusting. Sirius had gagged and grimaced, but Lily was relentless and he eventually drank the warm concoction that was promised to ease pain. The tea left him feeling a bit floaty, so he laid back and watched as Lily refilled her herb stores from the hanging plants, listening to her mutter to herself about various tasks. Sirius jolted from a state of half sleep when he heard a chuckle from the door and glanced over to see his dashing rescuer watching with an amused expression. “Alri, mush?”
“Hmmm–” Sirius found his mouth and brain were a bit disconnected at the moment and felt a jolt of panic before it was swept back away into the state of foggy calm. “My hero returns,” he murmured and blinked heavily.
“Aye, I see Lils gave you one of her teas, eh?” Sirius heard footsteps as Remus approached his bed and realised he had forgotten to open his eyes after a blink. He could make out Lily’s quiet voice, responding to some question posited by the tall man, but Sirius decided he had quite the day and needn't bother trying to follow along. The lull of sleep seemed dreadfully tempting. Sitting on the edge of consciousness, falling to the call of a peaceful rest, he heard a soft voice next to him offering a grounding anchor as he slipped under the waves.
“ Rest now, Starboy. You’re safe here.”
Chapter 6: Rattled
Summary:
Whatever was Remus up to when Sirius got his injuries taken care of?
POV Remus
Chapter Text
Well I get rattled every time we meet
I get rattled even in my sleep
I get rattled baby, over you
-Traveling Wilburys "Rattled" 1988
If Remus felt a pang of guilt at leaving the injured celestial in the hands of his best friend, well, there was nobody around to point it out. He certainly wasn’t going to. A scarred hand ran over tense neck muscles and the Watcher let out a low exhale, willing his full body fatigue to hold off a while longer. As he made his way back to the rover, he regretfully remembered that he never managed to have that kip. Christ he was tired. His mind whirled with the events of his day and he sent off a mental curse towards Mad-Eye for dumping this god-forsaken mess on his lap. (Though Remus knew himself well enough to recognise that if another Watcher had been on duty and sent to Sirius’ crash, he would have been simmering in barely concealed jealousy).
A group of boys barreled past, jolting Remus out of a vivid daydream involving a bed, warm blanket, and several pillows.
“Remuuu!”
“Are you back from Watch? Did you find anything–”
“-was it scary ? Did you have to fight?”
Typically the cacophony of pre-pubescent voices would have been amusing and he’d spin a tale of some narrow escapade, but Remus’ Threshold for Human Interaction was well past its limit. “Not now, lads,” he snapped.
He winced internally at the crestfallen faces and rushed to repair. “I’m beat, from the Watch, right? I could use some strong lads to unload this scav, stole it from a celestial ship,” he whispered cryptically. He was met with loud gasps and a flurry of frantic motion as the boys rushed over each other to get to the rover and unload the mystery goods.
Glad to have one chore out of his hands and heaving a relieved sigh, Remus trekked across the centre square on a mission to check off another to-do item: mission debrief. Or less formally , he thought, figure out what the ever living fuck they were supposed to do with a man from space . Remus threw open the metal doors to the council hall with an admittedly excessive amount of force and stalked into the cluttered meeting space, announcing himself with a blunt demand.
“What the ever living fuck are we supposed to do with a man from space?”
“Cut the dramatics, Lupin.” A low voice barked, followed by the uneven thud of footsteps as his mentor lurched into view. The Lead Watcher, now too old to go outside the colony walls himself, still carried a fierce air that called for respect. He was both feared and loved within their community, partially due to the endless hours of work he put into their safety and partially due to the impact of his appearance. While some argued that Alastor Moody was paranoid, bordering on mad, his body told a tale of the potential threats outside the walls. Covered in scars, chunks of flesh carved from his body, an empty eye-socket hidden behind a thick cloth patch, the clang of a metal leg. Mad-Eye Moody was a force to be reckoned with, one that most people would avoid clashing against at all costs.
Remus, who was not most people, let out an indignant scoff. “Great suggestion.”
The old Watcher gave a cuff to the younger man’s ear for the sass, which was admittedly well deserved. “The whole council is waitin’ for ya, we radioed the other Leads once you mentioned that celestial of yours. Figured we had a bigger situation on our hands than a bit of new scav,” he explained shortly before ambling back towards the main meeting room, expecting to be followed.
“He’s not my celestial,” Remus muttered but obediently hurried after the retreating figure.
It was rare for all the Council Leaders to be together, aside from the yearly colony assembly or various holiday celebrations. The room was full with the murmur of overlapping voices, the various members of the council conversing amongst themselves in smaller groups.
“Got the lad, let’s give ‘im a chance to tell us what happened, eh?” Moody yelled out, causing conversation to cease and a group of eyes to turn towards Remus. He dutifully ignored making eye contact with his father, the Lead Farmer, choosing instead to focus on their Head Counsellor as the room settled eager to hear his report.
Minerva Mcgonnagal met his gaze with a firm but kind expression, a perfect picture of her stern demeanour that layered over a maternal kindness. While Alastor Moody might have been the ferocious claws of their colony, Minerva was the heart.
“Mr. Lupin,” she stated calmly, her words easily heard in the now hushed space. “The floor is yours.”
Remus blinked as she delicately took a sip of tea.
“Er– right.” He cleared his throat and shuffled his feet. Might as well dive right in.
“I was out on Watch and Mad-Eye called about an incoming crash, says he saw it over the satellite. I followed the coordinates and saw the fecking thing burning in the sky. I got to the crash site and ended up findin’ a celestial. He’s injured but bein’ seen by Lils now.”
Here he stumbled a bit, struggling to find the words to communicate the pressing concern. “From what I gather, he says that somethin’ caused his ship to crash and he’s worried that his er—other ship? That is much bigger – will also crash when they try to follow. He was travelling alone to find a site for their ship to land. The celestial wants to communicate with the crew in space to warn them that it’s unsafe.”
He paused and let the information sink in for a moment, before speaking a bit more hesitantly. “We ah–we dun have a way for him to communicate with a ship in space, eh?”
Minerva furrowed her brow and glanced towards the Lead Builder and Lead Teacher, heads of engineering and education who also had expressions of doubt. “We’ll get this sorted,” Minerva declared quietly. “We cannae risk a ship of that size crashing so close to our colony.”
“While this story is entertaining an’ all, what can ya tell us about the boy?” barked Mad-Eye. “Reasons for being here, weapons, weaknesses? How many crew on this ship of his? Are we sure this wasn’t their plan, send in a man to get us while our backs are turned?” The old man rattled out a list of pressing questions.
“We weren’t sharin’ our life stories with each other, were we?” Remus remarked dryly.
Minerva held up a hand to silence Moody’s likely biting retort. “We will all meet with him as soon as he’s rested and tended to. Mr. Lupin, I want you to keep an eye on him while he’s in our colony, make him feel at home and welcome. You rescued him, he’ll likely trust you. But we know your strength as a Watcher, and I believe you’ll be valuable in getting more information from the man and assess for any danger. Keep us updated on all new details you gather. I'll read the report that you write for Alastor tomorrow.”
The room was quiet with the pressing realisation that they had an opportunity to fill in gaps of knowledge, gaps that existed based on the decision many years ago to leave those on Earth without answers. As well as the threat of a ship of unknown proportions crashing precariously close to their community without a way to initiate contact. And the task to win over their visitor from the stars was being placed firmly in Remus’ hands. Fucking fantastic. No pressure.
He was given permission to leave with a wave, and he clambered to exit the room but was not lucky enough to avoid the looming figure of his dear dad cornering him in the hallway.
“Remus,” his old man urged quietly. “Wait jus’ a minute, dammit.”
The young Watcher gave a resigned sigh. “What, Da?”
Lyall Lupin studied his son’s face with quiet determination. “Cannae speak to my boy, now? Your ma was worried, she heard the call on my radio. You know how she gets when you're outside the walls.”
Remus merely nodded, declining to dig into that particular point of contention further than needed. His parents, both part of the agriculture department in the colony, had struggled to accept their only child’s decision to become part of the Watch. While his family was happy tending to crops and animals, Remus had struggled with the expectation that he follow his father’s footsteps and eventually become the Lead Farmer on the council. Since he was a young boy, he’d struggled with an underlying urge. An itch for more. Something that couldn’t be found inside the colony barricade.
He sighed in resignation. “I’ll stop by tomorrow, eh? Grab some dinner and chat with ma. Show her I’m still alive and kickin’,” Remus compromised, knowing that he shouldn’t resent the amount of care and concern his parents held for him. A warm clap on his shoulder and a twitch of lips hinting at a smile, and Lyall let his stubborn son go from the stilted conversation with a nod of his head towards the doors.
He sighed again, this time in relief, and sprinted out the doors back across the centre square with an incessant urge to get the fuck out of there. Remus mendered his way back to the health hall, willing his thoughts to slow their sinking spiral. It was hard to imagine Sirius as a real threat, but Remus had also slacked in his duties. He felt a pang of regret at letting his mentor down and vowed to uncover more answers from the celestial and rack his brain for as many details as possible to include in his report. However his steel resolve instantly shattered when he peered into the healer’s room and saw the supposed dangerous man laying in the bed with unfocused eyes, looking small and soft. A chuckle escaped his traitorous lips.
“Alri, mush?” he asked, amused when Sirius jumped in apparent surprise.
Eyes flashed to meet his, the pupils taking up a significant amount of space leaving the usual silver colour darkened to a stormy grey. “Hmmm–” the man hummed, his mouth opening and closing a few times before slurring out a greeting. “My hero returns.”
“Aye, I see Lils gave you one of her teas, eh?” It was an easy assumption to make, based on the celestial’s drunken appearance, heavy-lidded blinks, and the bitter smell of feverfew as Remus entered the room. He noted the bandage wrapped on the man’s elevated knee (and he did not notice the smooth and pale thigh exposed from sinfully tight shorts). He grunted and turned towards Lily. “Well?”
She scoffed at his blunt demand. “He’ll be alrigh’. Gave him somethin’ for the pain, cleaned up the wound. Just needs rest and time, now.” Lily gave Remus a knowing look. “ Well?”
Remus cocked an eyebrow.
Lily smacked his shoulder. “The meeting? How was it?”
“Fine. The whole council was there, wanted information that I dun have. Weren’t too thrilled about tha’, but I reckon spaceman here will be speakin’ to them soon.”
The healer furrowed her brows in confusion. “Not happy with you for what?”
Remus glanced at the cot but saw that Sirius had fallen asleep under the hearty dose of pain-relief. “Mad-Eye is under the impression that he could be here to gather info on us, lookin’ for weaknesses and the like.”
Lily pressed her lips into a thin line. “Well in here he’s a hurt person who needs fixin’, not some secret weapon.” She gave Remus a mournful smile.
“And I reckon he’s terrified,” she added softly. “He’s
damn
good at hidin’ it, you’d never know just by lookin’. But I could feel his pulse thundering like a rabbit…”
They both glanced at the slumbering man, watching as his eyes fluttered behind eyelids, his hands clenching and unclenching the blanket underneath them. She gave a sudden snort and looked back towards Remus with a mirthful twinkle in her eyes.
“You’da paid to see ‘im trying to drink the tea. Was whining like a wee kid, gaggin’ and complainin’ the whole time.” They both dissolved into quiet snickers. “Can you stay here for a bit? I need to run these herbs over to Rosmerta.”
Remus collected himself from his fit of laughter and gave a breathless nod.
Lils gathered her needed materials, stretched up on tiptoes to ruffle his curls, and headed out the hall, leaving Remus to sit back and study the raven-haired man. Outside of his suit, Sirius was slim, with slight but muscled shoulders, a tapered waist, and sharp hip bones all easily identifiable under the black shirt that acted as a second skin. He studied the pallid face resting on the pillow, thinking that the only time he would be able to view an Authentic Sirius was when he slept.
A soft whimper escaped the celestial’s lips and Remus took in the shivers raking his body. It was hard to see the man as something to fear, though he supposed it was foolish to underestimate a stranger. Tucking a thick blanket over his form that he gathered from a nearby shelf, the Watcher felt his forehead checking for signs of fever. The temperature felt normal, if not a bit cold, and he recalled Lil’s theory that the young man was scared.
“Rest now, Starboy, you’re safe here,” he whispered softly, brushing ebony locks off his forehead. Remus took a few minutes to stroke through his black waves, gently tugging out knots and debris with precise fingers and letting the untangled tresses fan out around his shoulders . The whimpering had slowed to a stop and the tight fists loosened their tight grip on the blankets. Remus huffed out his 523rd sigh of the day, realising that he desperately needed to remain guarded. Yet for some reason he was quick to throw caution right out the fucking window.
Chapter 7: Gimme Shelter
Summary:
In which Sirius is a comedian, Remus lacks a sense of humor.
Notes:
Y'all thanks for sticking with me through this journey! This is definitely a WIP. I have an outline, but for the most part this story has a mind of its own and I'm just writing it as it comes. (I wrote a later chapter, which was a blast. Can't wait to share that bad boy.)
Also trust me when I saw there's an actual plot. I promise. And note the slow burn tag (medium burn? One-sided pining burn?) You'll notice that Remus has been appreciating our dear Sirius, at least his physical appearance, in his POV. Sirius, however, comes from a different culture which is very conservative and non-sexual. We'll dive more into this in later chapters.
Okay, enjoy! Comments are appreciated <3 <3
Chapter Text
Ooh, a storm is threatening
My very life today
If I don't get some shelter
Ooh yeah I'm gonna fade away
-The Rolling Stones "Gimme Shelter" 1969
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Location: Earth Colony, Health Hall
Waking up was, honestly, a chore. Sirius buried his face deeper into soft warmth, feeling a brush of irritation at the background noises that had roused him from a deep and dreamless sleep. “Shut up, Prongs,” he grumbled, trying to slip back under for another taste of delicious rest. His eyes snapped open to a chime of laughter, very much not the snicker of his best mate.
Sirius took in the appearance of a soft older woman with long blonde hair streaked with silver pulled back in a thick waist-length plait. Right . Earth. Colony. He was quite simply tired of waking up and feeling disoriented.
“Good morning, hun, sorry to wake you.” The stranger’s voice was quiet and gentle, tinged with care and amusement. “I’m Poppy, the Lead Healer. Lily caught me up on your injuries.”
He nodded and gave a weak smile, sitting up in bed to give an impressive stretch. “Thank you so much for the care, Lily was truly lovely.”
She scoffed and waved a hand. “Of course, dear, that’s what we’re here for. Now, we’ll get some food in ya and I’ll take a peak at that leg of yours before Mr. Lupin gets here. Why don’t ya hop on out to the lavvy, it’s just outside the back door there, and I’ll get your breakfast ready.”
He blinked in confusion, still a bit sleep slow, and attempted to decipher the rapid directions.
“The lavvy? I’m sorry, but I don’t understand,” he admitted softly.
“Oh! No don’t be sorry, hun, I meant the bathroom, the latrines we call ‘em. There’s a building just around back if you’d like to use them before you eat and get your injuries tended to.”
Oh. Well, that honestly sounded like a good idea, if he listened to the growing signals his body had begun yelling upon waking up. Sirius slid his legs over the edge of the cot, shivering as his bare feet hit the cement floor. Poppy chided him gently for moving his injured leg ‘recklessly’ and handed him a crutch that appeared to be handmade
“Don’t be putting any unneeded weight on that knee, luv,” she warned before helping him stand and stabilise with the new walking instrument.
He flushed in embarrassment and grunted his thanks before hobbling his way out towards the loo. He was grateful to avoid running into other people on his quick journey, taking the time to absorb more of his surroundings with intrigue. The ‘lavvy’ was a nondescript building with a sign imploring folks to ‘ keep it clean please ’ but was otherwise boring. He completed the job he had set out for without any complaints. (Sirius couldn’t help the childlike glee at watching his piss enter a toilet filled with what appeared to be woodchips.)
He wandered back to the health hall and washed up in the basin provided by Poppy, thoughtfully filled with soap, warm water and a rag to give himself a quick cleanse. Despite being primarily on bedrest since his arrival, it was shocking at the amount of dirt he’d managed to collect. He shivered again, feeling the chill on his damp skin and huddled back under his thick blanket left on the cot. He frowned, looking down at his compression shirt, shorts, and bare feet thinking he’d need something more substantial if he were to be on Earth much longer.
Poppy bustled about with a tray of food that she set on the bed beside him, humming an unfamiliar tune under her breath. “Here ya are, some porridge and milk. Mind if I tend to your knee as you eat?”
He shook his head, trilled a cheery thanks, and took a tentative bite of the bowl of food. It was warm, soft and a bit grainy, sweetened and filled with some nuts and dried fruit. The milk was rich and creamy, significantly different from the powdered milk aboard his ship. He mentally excused himself for his poor manners, eating quickly with large bites. Poppy spread another layer of cooling salve on his knee–which was much less swollen— and he cleared his throat as she re-wrapped it in a clean bandage.
“You mentioned something about a Mr. Lupin?”
“Mhm, I sent him to bed last night, had a rough day too, didn't he? He said he’d be back this morning after breakfast with some clothes for ya. I know he’s snarky, that one, but he’s a good lad. Was worried about leaving ya here to wake up alone.”
Sirius surmised that they were speaking about Remus and felt a flicker of a smile across his lips. Snarky and kind, sounded like an apt deduction on his end. His astonishing reasoning was proven to be correct as the man of the hour peaked through the door with a questioning cock of his brow.
“Alri’?”
His tawny hair looked freshly washed, a mess of curls still apparently damp due to dark patches along the collar of his green shirt. He wore a pair of patched brown trousers, cuffed at the ankle with his boots from the previous day.
“Mornin’, Poppy.”
He flashed a crooked grin towards the older woman, giving her a polite kiss on the cheek, before he chucked the pile of clothes in his hands towards Sirius with unnecessary strength. Sirius let out a generous “oof” as the clothing whacked into his face, before sending a scowl towards the man being reprimanded by Poppy for his antics. The tall man appeared a bit smaller than usual, shoulders raised up around his neck with a sheepish grin across his face.
“Hullo, Starboy. Got some clothes for ya.”
“Cheers, mate,” Sirius replied, unfolding the bundle to find a light grey shirt with short sleeves, a dark blue jumper, and faded black trousers. He jumped as a warm hand ruffled his hair and blinked up to see Poppy’s kind smile.
“I’m popping off now, keep weight off that leg as much as possible and come back tomorrow mornin’, hun. Lily can round up some tea for ya if the pain becomes too much.” She gave a gentle smack to Remus’ cheek on her way out the door, leaving him to rub his face with an expression of pure innocence.
Sirius began to strip out of his compression shirt, grateful to peel off the old material stiff with sweat and grime. He struggled into the new clothes, noticing that they appeared to fit fairly well, the trousers falling just a bit short on his legs and the jumper oversized to the point of comfort. All the clothing appeared to have been mended many times, with several stitches in various colours and reinforcing patches placed over thinner areas.
He sighed happily, glad to feel warm again, and glanced sideways as Remus plopped down to sit next to him on the bed. “Borrowed the pants from another lad, the sweater and shirt were old ones of mine,” he explained, flashing his crooked grin. “Knew my pants would be much too long for ya.”
“Because you’re a giant,” Sirius chirped back, running a hand through his hair to tame the mess.
Remus’ eyes narrowed in mock indignation. “Mhm. Ready to hear the plan, then?”
He nodded, ignoring the sinking in his chest likely connected to panic over his unfortunate situation, and gave his undivided attention towards his rescuer with a pointed look.
“Alri’, I met with the council yesterday and they’d like to speak with ya. I tried to explain as much as I could, but straight from the source is ideal. Good news is we dun want your ship to crash anymore than you do. I’m to bring ya to our Head Counsellor, Minerva, and Mad-Eye, the Lead Watcher. They got the Lead Teacher and Builder gathering communication equipment, though you’ll need to check in with them since we’re workin’ out of our asses here.”
Sirius gave a snort and nodded. “Brilliant, let’s get this done with. You gathered supplies from my shuttle when I crashed, right?”
The Watcher stood and gave a noise in agreement, reaching out a hand to help hoist Sirius off the bed. “Aye, we have it all unloaded, you can rummage around and see if there's anything useful.” He glanced down towards Sirius’ barefeet and frowned. “Christ, I forgot shoes and socks. Let’s go get some on the way, then.”
They wandered out into the main hall, Remus matching his slow pace with the crutch. “Feelin’ better?”
“Much better. Lily was fantastic, despite the taste of her awful tea. Though I’m used to injuries healing much faster,” he frowned (pouted) in annoyance as he wobbled a bit, still getting used to balancing on one leg.
“Aye, Lils is great. Trust my life with her, I would,” Remus had a small smile on his face, devoid of any usual snark or smirk. The soft expression quickly faded as they encountered a group of teenagers lingering in the entrance to the hall. “Wotcher!” he barked out a greeting, causing the collection of youth to spin around.
Sirius was met with wide eyes and gaping mouths. He decided to give a cheeky wave and a wink back, causing the eyes and mouths to widen even further. Feeling an itch to have a bit of fun and not wanting to disappoint the young audience, Sirius stepped up to perform.
“Hallo, Earthlings,” he chimed, in a wavering voice, much higher than his usual pitch. Remus appeared to have choked and left his body for a moment, leaving Sirius to entertain the crowd. How kind of him.
“You’re really a celestial?” One of the brave teens whispered in awe. The question seemed to have strengthened the resolve of the rest of the group for they immediately started firing their own questions.
“What are you doing here?”
“Do you really float around in space and never learn how to walk?”
Sirius hummed and nodded in deep thought. “Right. Excellent questions. You see, I’m here because space was terribly boring , you do get sick of floating around everywhere. I wanted to use these legs of mine. But walking is honestly much harder than it looks, I haven’t a clue how you lot make it look so easy.” He waved his crutch in a dramatic swish.
Remus had managed to find his body again and let out a loud huff, cutting Sirius off from having any more fun. “This celestial needs shoes, which of you has a spare that’ll fit the man?”
The group scrambled to eyeball Sirius’ feet, which he made sure to give an extra wiggle of his toes for their viewing pleasure. Two of the group raced off to grab some possible contenders, and Sirius was delighted to walk away towards the council hall with a pair of boots that fit nice and snug, feeling a bit proud of his entertainment value there on Earth.
“Stop looking so smug,” his companion groaned as they neared their destination.
“Smug? Not at all, I’m simply hilarious, darling,” he flashed a charming grin that was largely ignored as they entered the doorway. “Not my fault you don’t recognise comedy.”
“Oh that’s what that was? I thought your head injury was acting up,” the man shot back, striding into the new building.
Sirius followed after and couldn’t help but feel a bit underwhelmed at the basic room, filled with old desks and chairs. He peered around at the otherwise empty space and tutted when he found nothing exciting.
“Is that you and your celestial?” a booming voice called out from the back room, causing Sirius to whip around towards the sound, nearly toppling over in his new boots.
Remus sighed and rolled his eyes, muttering something under his breath before calling back. “Gonna come meet us or do we need to come lookin’ for ya?”
An old man entered the room and Sirius felt his body automatically snap into his ingrained military stance when he saw the scarred and intimidating figure lurch to a stop before them. (He ignored his body’s initial shock of revulsion at the appearance of the man, remembering what Lily had mentioned about scars and survival, but couldn’t help but internally gawk at the lack of a peeper). This man oozed authority, his place as a colony official evident in the way he took up space in the room. Sirius clasped his hands behind his back and straightened his posture, his chin lifted in respect, eyes trained to the wall behind the man. He assumed this was the infamous ‘Mad-Eye’.
He remained still, eyes on the back wall, as Mad-Eye fixed him with an assessing gaze. “Hmm. So you're the star that fell to earth. Lucky Remus was around to save your ass.”
“Yes, sir. I appreciate the assistance, sir.”
Mad Eye appeared to smother a laugh. “Right. Got a name, boy?”
“Commander Sirius Orion Black, Captain of research vessel SS Patronus and fleet officer for the Sacred 28 Empire, sir.”
A hushed silence fell after his introduction and he internally hesitated, reviewing what he had said to warrant such a reaction. Rank, name, mission and vessel, allegiance to the empire. Nothing out of the ordinary.
“Captain?” The incredulous question came not from the leader in front of him, but instead the tawny haired man behind him.
“Feck, you failed to mention that bit.”
Sirius blinked and turned his gaze slightly to his right, maintaining his military posture, while taking a peek at his rescuer. “I told you I needed to contact my crew and stop my ship from entry,” he explained slowly. “I didn’t provide my rank, as I rank higher than you.”
Remus scowled back, clearly shocked by the news.
“Maybe I was trying to be dashing ,” he continued, quirking an eyebrow as he referenced their earlier conversation about secrets.
“Alright that’s enough” Mad Eye interrupted and Sirius snapped back to attention.“Reckon we’re a bit shocked at having someone to your calibre in our colony, Commander. ”
The title was spoken mockingly and Sirius felt himself bristle, but he quickly pushed it down. He was familiar with dealing with difficult people.
“Sir, I know it’s a lot of me to ask, but I could use your assistance again,” he prompted, speaking clear and direct. “I’d be more than willing to provide intel in return, whatever would be most helpful for you and the colony.”
Mad-Eye fixed him with a calculating stare (admittedly somewhat difficult to read due to the eye-patch). “You’d be willing to tell us what your mission is? Details about your ship and crew?”
“Of course, sir.”
“And about the Empire as well?”
“That as well, sir.”
“Why?”
Sirius regarded the man before him and contemplated on which answer would appeal to this man best. He suspected he had one chance to get this right.
“I want my crew to be safe. I value their safety more than anything.”
Mad-Eye gave a single nod before swiftly turning around, moving impressively fast with a metal leg, leaving Remus and him standing alone in the front room. He glanced sideways towards the young Watcher, hoping for an explanation for the odd behaviour, but only got an eye roll in return before he followed after his mentor. Sirius hesitated, unsure if he was dismissed or welcome to follow.
“Hurry up, lad!” A gruff voice barked. “We have a lot of talking to do!”
Sirius allowed himself a quick grin at passing the test before hurrying after the two men.
Chapter 8: Sympathy for the Devil
Summary:
Remus travels out to the Lupin farm.
Notes:
No s/r interactions in this one, sorry! Focusing on a bit of world-building and plot the next couple of chapters, but trust that there will be fluff at some point. *looks at future chapter drafts* yep definitely.
Not sure how long this fic will be, I currently have 15 chapters in my draft with more planned!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game
-Rolling Stones "Sympathy for the Devil" 1968
Remus heaved his weight up into his rover and set off at a generous speed, taking a back road towards his parents house on the eastern edge of the colony outside the inner gate. He was thankful for the drive, at last having some goddamn peace and quiet to gather his thoughts. And fuck did he have some thoughts to gather. He had joined Mad-Eye and Minerva to listen to Sirius willingly spew information about his crew, their mission, and the politics of intergalactic living.
The resulting conversation had left him reeling.
They’d learned about the Sacred 28 Empire, which had a population of over eight billion (eight billion!) that was steadily growing and required colonisation of nearby moons and planets. The name referenced the original families that had funded the initial space expedition. The descendents of those families were granted the 28 seats in government, the lucky select few who reinforced laws, drafted new policies, and guided military directives. (Sirius had thrown out phrases like ‘oligarchy ’ and ‘oppressive system fixated on wealth accumulation and consolidation of power ’ that had gone a bit over the Earthlings’ heads.)
Current space politics included a recent peace treaty with a neighbouring alien race, the Raiders, ending a tense war over resources and territories. The treaty apparently encouraged ‘co-habilitation ’.
His ship, the SS Patronus, held a crew of 50 with an executive crew of six members in charge of their departments. They had various weapons onboard (the celestial had explained them in detail and even drew an impressive blueprint on one of Mad-Eye’s old reports), 20 automatons that acted as additional crew, and four shuttles including the one that had crashed on their coast.
Sirius and his team had been sent to Earth under instruction to bring back data to determine if the planet was fit for rehabilitation. Mad-Eye had pushed back against the weak reasoning, questioning why they suddenly needed Earth after a successful peace treaty. The celestial had agreed that he had his own suspicions, but was unclear about the ulterior motives.
Yet the one fact that Remus was currently fixated on? The Blacks were one of the top original families.
Which meant that their fallen celestial was, essentially, space royalty. A goddamn star prince.
Sirius had scoffed and avoided expanding that particular point, but the implications were there. Not only did they have a Commander wandering about their colony, but also the heir to one of the seats that ran the entire fucking Empire. That piece of information was too difficult to process at the moment, so Remus decided to place that in his back pocket to deal with later. He pulled up in front of his childhood home, a log cabin built by his great-grandfather on the edge of the agricultural fields, and took a moment to collect himself, knowing his mum would be expecting details.
He trudged up the familiar dirt path towards the house, gave a tap to the low hanging beam over the entryway, and let himself in through the unlocked door. The Lupin residence was warm and inviting, filled with mismatched furniture and odd items gathered over several decades. A fire crackled in the wood burning stove, leaving the room filled with an orange glow and the pleasant scent of smoke.
His mum, Hope Lupin, looked up from preparing a kettle for a cuppa and flashed a welcoming smile in his direction. Thank Christ for this woman.
“Cariad! I didn’t hear you come in.”
Remus was quickly wrapped in a tight embrace, his height allowing him to press a firm kiss to the top of her hair.
“Hullo, Ma. I’m alive.” She released him with a scoff and gave a swat to his chest before returning back to her task that had been interrupted.
“I’m allowed to worry! Of course you had to be on watch when a ship fell from the sky,” she shook her head in disbelief and gestured for him to take a seat at their dining room table.
He felt a surge of affection as she went about preparing a platter of homemade baked goods and his favourite tea. “Where’s Da?”
“Just gettin’ cleaned up. A pipe burst near the filtration hall, you know how he hates being covered in brine.”
Remus gave a snort, remembering countless rants throughout his childhood about the discomfort of salt drying in unmentionable places.
“Your bits survive another brine bath, Da?” he called out politely as his father stalked into the room with a sour expression. Based on the awkward walk and general air of displeasure, he assumed the answer was no.
“Wouldn’t ya like to know,” Lyall shot back and collapsed back into the chair next to his son.
“Alri’, enough of that talk,” Hope scolded lightly, attempting to hide her own smile as she joined her two men at the table with the hot kettle. She set about preparing their teas to their liking and sat back with an expectant gaze, taking her own beverage in both hands.
Remus regarded her warily, taking a sip of his tea, refusing to be the first to speak.
Hope raised her eyebrows and groaned at his continued silence. “The celestial!” she urged. “What’s he like?”
Remus pursed his lips in thought, wondering how best to describe the man. “I dunno. A bit strange. Talks different from us, all fancy and crisp sounding.” He snickered remembering some of the unique phrases that issued from the celestial’s mouth on various occasions. “He’s the captain of his ship, so I reckon he’s a Lad in Charge sort. But he’s young, cannae be older than me. Bit of a joker,” he added, thinking of the antics stirred up with some of the youth.
Hope and Lyall eagerly drank in his description (though Lyall attempted to hide his interest by carefully stirring his mug. He wasn't fooling anyone.)
“A captain so young!” his mum said with an impressed air. “What does he look like?”
“He looks pale. Like he’s lived among the stars and never seen a ray of sunlight,” he quipped back at his mum. His father snorted into his cup of tea as Hope let out a huff that sounded vaguely similar to one of his own.
“Remus, please.”
“Black hair. Was wearing some spacesuit when I found him.”
She made an irritated noise at the lacklustre description.
He let out a long groan. “Fine, Ma. He’s fecking beautiful, a stunner of a man. A right work of art. Is that what you wanted to hear? Christ.”
His dear mum let out a snicker at her son’s exasperation. “Well I like to hear it if you’re tellin’ the truth,” she shot back with a raised eyebrow.
Remus grumbled and helped himself to a scone, ignoring the gasp of delight.
“He is! Oh he’s gorgeous isn’t he?”
“Alri’ that's enough outta you.” He pointed his acquired scone towards the woman before taking a decisive bite. “You’re married,” he spoke around a mouthful of crumbs. “The poor man is sittin’ right here. Doubt he wants to hear you waxing poetry over some other lad.”
“Mmm,” said poor man hummed. “Doubt your ma is asking for her own benefit.”
“Not you too, dammit.” Remus threw out a pained look towards his dad. “Let’s leave the comments on supposed attractive men where they belong. Not at my parent’s dining room table.”
His parents both puffed with satisfaction at getting the rise out of their son before settling back onto a safer topic to avoid sending him running.
“Speakin’ of said celestial who’s appearance is not worth mentioning ever again, did Alastor decide if he’s a threat to the colony?”
Remus groaned again, feeling sorry for those who had to put up with him and the traits he’d inherited from his parents. “Well he passed Mad-Eye’s test. Still gonna keep our sights on him but it seems like he’s not an enemy. He’s working with the mechanics now to figure out why his shuttle crashed and to get a radio worked up. Contacting his crew is the first step in all of this.”
He glanced up and reeled a bit at the sad expression on his mum’s face. “Ma?”
“I—“ she paused and took a sip of her tea with a slight frown. “Well he must feel so lost. Just must be lonely, bein’ away from the people you know. Not knowin’ if you’ll ever see them again.“
Remus paused at that, feeling like a Grade A Ass for not having realised that himself.
Lyall gave a grunt before draining his cup. “Bring the lad by, we’ll fix ‘im a home cooked meal away from the canteen.”
Remus knew his dad was merely offering to ease his mum’s own worry, providing a chance for her to do something useful. But he couldn’t help but think that the offer was incredibly kind. “I’ll let him know,” he agreed.
The rest of the evening was spent indulging in warm stew and small talk, catching up on his parent’s life out on the farm. He left with a promise to visit soon, giving his mum a tight hug to ease any of her lingering worry. His drive back to the inner colony was much lighter than the trip earlier, Remus holding on to the warmth and comfort that seemed to reside in the very foundation of the Lupin home.
He parked outside the barracks, and felt a smirk settle across his face as he took in the group loitering outside their residential hall. The group was made up of seven younger Watch members, all too young to travel outside the city walls on solo rotations, instead travelling in a pack to go about scav retrieval and perimeter maintenance. Rightfully so, the young Watchers were referred to as the Pack. A creative name.
“Wotcher, Remus!” A figure with an impressively loud voice and half shaved head called out, bouncing eagerly as he hopped out of his rover and approached the group.
“Hullo, Tonks.” His greeting was met with a beamer of a smile, all teeth. Tonks was a person who emitted sunshine, largely appreciated but at times a bit overwhelming when one was on the receiving end. He nodded towards the others, noting a shocking bruise covering one of the lad’s cheekbones. “Christ, Benjy, what happened there?”
The young man in question grumbled before jutting a thumb towards his Watch partner, a wiry teen with a mohawk. “Zep thought it funny to scare me shitless when I was knee deep in the scav pit. Almost lost an eye, I did.” The group let out a collective snicker, resulting in a full on tussle led by Benjy’s mock outrage.
Remus watched in amusement, remembering his time spent as a Pack member. “Well ya lost your chance to match Mad-Eye, reckon you could’a finally got on his good side,” he quipped. The Pack took in Remus’s clever barb with admiration and released a loud chorus of teasing ‘oohhhs’.
He flashed a crooked grin and ruffled Benjy’s wild mane before turning to head inside. “You lot meet our resident spaceman?” He called over his shoulder, the group scrambling to follow him inside.
He got a hoot of confirmation from the lucky few who had, and cries of dismay from those who had yet to feast their gaze on the elusive man. Remus gave an indulgent eye-roll at the commotion. “Feckin' hell, the man’s livin’ with us, you’ll get your chance.” The words seemed to appease the young ones, but he called after them as they scrambled up the stairs to their respective rooms. “Don’t go stormin’ after him!”
“The celestial isn’t here.” Remus jumped as a warm arm wrapped around his waist, a deep voice near his ear, and turned to see that his former Watch partner had saddled up beside him. Caradoc Dearborn was a fit man with dark brown curls, stocky build, and a killer of a smile. Remus felt discomfort churn in his gut.
“Where he’d get off to, then,” Remus asked, gracefully pulling out of the embrace. Caradoc frowned at the manoeuvre, his response coming back a bit snippy.
“Mechanic hall. Saw ‘im luggin’ a bunch of equipment there earlier.” Remus nodded in thanks and turned to head back out towards the disclosed location.
“Remus–”
“Sorry, Caradoc, gotta run,” he waved a hand breezily back at the man and left him standing in the barracks den alone. Once outside he held back a shudder at narrowly escaping a talk with a person who wanted more than he was willing to give. Fucking hell. He figured the decline of their sexual encounters was enough of a message. No talk needed.
He was thankfully distracted by a sudden flash of black and blue that ran past his vision. Remus blinked and watched the retreating figure of a certain celestial making his way towards council hall, at a pace that was likely discouraged with a bum leg. He grinned, curiosity sufficiently peaked, and decided he might as well join the lad, vowing not to tell Poppy that he'd witnessed the man jaunting about without his crutch.
Notes:
Remus Avoidant Attachment Lupin, anyone?
Thank you for the comments and kudos!
Chapter 9: A Well Respected Man
Summary:
Sirius is both a Genius and Naive Baby.
Notes:
Potential trigger warning with some homophobic thinking, however it's mild and brief.
I'm currently hyper-fixating on this story, and I need to post a chapter once it's finished, otherwise I'll lose motivation and never look at this ever again. THEREFORE, lots of updates recently. :)
The next update might take a bit longer, I have more trouble writing Remus' POV. (My friend says it's because I project myself onto Sirius, but we'll ignore that.)Cheers!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
And he's oh, so good
And he's oh, so fine
And he's oh, so healthy
In his body and his mind
He's a well respected man about town
Doing the best things so conservatively
-The Kinks "A Well Respected Man" 1965
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Location: Barracks Hall
After an extensive meeting with the colony leader, Remus had shown him to his living quarters with an exaggerated wave and muttered ‘your Highness' before he had lopped off with the excuse of a family dinner. Sirius had given a resigned sigh, knowing that was bound to be a nickname that stuck after he admitted to his position in space politics.
He noisied about his new room, delighting in the warm bed and private space to call his own. While it was no captain’s chambers it would do nicely.
Sirius’ room was located on the third floor of the ‘barracks', a communal building where the Watchers lived when they were off rotation. There were tell-tale signs that a person had occupied the bedroom recently, old maps and an array of found photographs dotting the walls. He snickered as he took in a particularly interesting clipping from an old article that proclaimed ‘Eight Ways to Buff Up!’.
A handful of spare clothing had been piled up on the chair against the window, various people having generously donated items to his pitiful plight. He eyeballed a tempting coat but opted to keep Remus' blue jumper on, deciding that it was quite comfortable.
After getting settled, Sirius paid a quick visit to Lily in the health hall for some more cooling salve. He’d never admit it to Poppy if she asked, but he abandoned his crutch somewhere along the way (more specifically he had tossed it into a bunch of shrubbery in a fit of impatience), deciding he’d rather hobble along with his dignity intact consequences aside. Sirius declined the healer’s offer for tea with a polite ‘no thank you’ and barely concealed grimace, knowing that he’d need his wits about him. He’d also rather suffer through the pain of a headache than drink that vile concoction again. Merlin. He gagged thinking about it.
Sirius kept his peepers wide open, chiming cheerful ‘hellos’ and flashing bright smiles to the colony folk he encountered on his sniffing about, and drank in all the information he could about the little colony centre. He snuck into the canteen, engaged in a lively conversation about potato and leek soup with one of the cooks, and managed to snag a tasty snack of bread and butter to take with him. The young captain licked his fingers after scarfing down the gifted morsel, and meandered over to the drop site where his shuttle equipment had been thoughtfully stored. Life was good.
His good mood ramped up even higher when he spotted the case containing one of his research surveillance drones. “Oh, hello,” he crooned, giving the case a gentle pat in greeting. He dug out one of his comm devices—which was unfortunately not working—but the poor news did little to dampen his spirits. He was fueled on carbohydrates and rightfully up for a challenge.
He was soon joined by a middle aged brunette woman named Juliet, who introduced herself as the Lead Builder. She explained her role in engineering and directing her team for repairs throughout the colony, leaving Sirius battling a pang of longing for his Chief Engineer, Marlene.
Sirius allowed himself to take the role of captive audience as she rattled on about their ‘desalination plant’ which was honestly fascinating. He oohed and ahhed appropriately and traded back details he knew about his ship's filtration system. They eventually journeyed together to see the famous satellite that had foretold the celestial’s abrupt arrival.
It was incredibly underwhelming. One modest satellite dish sat beeping sweetly overhead the main Watch tower with an ancient receiver screen.
“That’s it?” He asked, attempting to keep the judgement from his voice. It was apparently unsuccessful because Juliet let out a trill of amusement.
“No point in havin’ anythin’ else, we cannae pick up much except for the occasional crash within a certain distance.”
He asked for permission to mess about with their dainty set up and began tinkering. At some point the Lead Builder excused herself but Sirius was too absorbed in his task to pay much mind.
The question that spurred his hyperfixation was this: why couldn’t their device pick up anything prior to a crash? While modest, their little satellite was well within its ability to ping nearby crafts if they passed close enough in orbit. Of course the resulting answer was relatively simple but opened up a whole other round of questions. Still dealing with tunnel vision, the young captain sprinted (more of a sort of bouncy skip ensemble with his bloody knee) out towards the council hall with one destination in mind.
“Oi’!”
He burst into the meeting hall with a frantic shout, panting a bit in exertion. “Where’s Moody?”
His demand was met with confused and affronted glances, two of the colony members having sat down in the empty room to enjoy their dinner.
“Yes, I’m the celestial from space, it’s a pleasure and all that lot. Where’s Moody?” He asked again with an impatient snap of his fingers.
“Er—we can radio him for ya?”
“Cheers, darling. I’ll wait here.” He tapped his foot and crossed his arms, staring them down as they hurried to clean up their spread and rushed off to call the old man.
The door behind him opened and he spun around, expecting to see a man with an eye-patch, but instead got a decent look of amusement dancing over Remus Lupin’s face. “Thought I saw a comet crashing through the colony centre, figured I’d check for any resulting damage,” he chirped, taking in Sirius’ impatient posture. “What’s the rush, eh?”
Sirius narrowed his gaze. “I’m waiting for Moody.”
The Watcher held up his hands in appeasement, leaning back on a desk in an apparent state of calm. It was infuriating. Sirius felt himself practically vibrating, the information he gained desperate to burst out of his mouth.
He gave a sneaky side-eye back towards Remus, wondering if he could bait the man into asking. “I learned something,” he disclosed. “About your satellite.”
Remus yawned.
Sirius’ eye twitched. Alright then.
After an absolutely torturous amount of time (five minutes) Alastor Moody stormed into the building.
“What,” he barked, “is so important that you interrupt my bath, boy?”
Sirius internally winced, cursing his mind for providing an unnecessary mental image.
“Sir, there’s something blocking all signals from entering or leaving the atmosphere,” he explained hurriedly. “This is the reason why your satellite only picks up locations of ships when they’re crashing.”
That appeared to be valuable enough to warrant leaving a bath, as Mad-Eye quickly narrowed in with a beautiful question.
“Well can you shut it down?”
Sirius hesitated before nodding confidently.
“Yes, I’m still working out the specifics.” Sirius furrowed his brow deep in thought. “If it was on Earth, then I could send out a soundwave to disable it. But your radio work fine and you were able to pick up my shuttle as it crashed. It’s more likely that the block is emitting from the planet’s orbit.”
Sirius looked off into the distance, eyes unfocused, absently pulling his long hair back into a loose knot as he thought.
“If it’s in orbit then we can’t send a signal to dismantle it because it’s doing its job. Blocking us. But if we could somehow launch something up and temporarily disable it..” he mumbled, talking more to himself now rather than the others around him. “That could work...” He trailed off before snapping back to his captive audience. He felt a sharp pang of hope before carrying on excitedly.
“I could attach an S.O.S to the launch. The Patronus would pick it up, I could inform them about the danger and the signal blocker! They’d have a much easier time of permanently dismantling it from space.”
He was met with a series of blank stares.
Sirius ignored them and pondered, his brain whirring to identify problems and solutions, tracing all possibilities to find the one with the lowest chance of error and highest success rate. Ah. Brilliant.
“There could be an issue with a verbal message counteracting the soundwave,” he acknowledged. “But if the message is a set of beeps or clicks, the integrity of the signal would remain secure.” He mentally gave himself a congratulatory pat on the back for having learned Morse Code with James in Academy to communicate with each other from across the classroom.
“It only needs to be in the air for a short period of time. The surveillance drone I have won’t reach orbit, but it has enough escape velocity to reach past the mesosphere and if I remember correctly my comms didn’t crash until about 85 km above the surface.”
More blank stares. He huffed.
“Alright listen. I send my drone up emitting a block, long enough to reach that height. It pings out my message before it comes crashing back down. Simple.”
“Simple.” Echoed Mad-Eye. “We dun need to understand it, jus' need to help ya get it done. What do you need?”
“I need to embed code into the drone software, but really I only need fuel.” He bit his lower lip, gnawing on the poor thing as he contemplated the next steps. “My shuttle had fuel reserves, could we get some there?”
“Your shuttle was ravaged by scouts, son, I doubt there’s anything left.” Mad-Eye was, as always, straight to the point.
Merlin’s tits. He couldn’t help the nasty punch those words brought to his excitement.
“What about the old rocket at the abandoned waystation?” Remus chimed in, having been a passive listener up until that point. “It’s within our perimeter, the fuel should be relatively untouched.”
And his excitement soared. Ah what a bloody brilliant man. Cheers.
“Good,” intoned the Lead Watcher. “Lupin, you’ll take Caradoc out at first light.”
Sirius watched as Remus stiffened under the order and cocked his head to the side in confusion at the response.
“Actually, I reckon the Pack could use a chance to get out far, give ‘em a chance to experience a night outside the walls,” Remus raised an eyebrow towards his mentor. “I could take 'em instead.”
Moody grunted his agreement and waved them away, turning to likely head back to complete his neglected hygiene.
As the old man departed, Sirius turned towards Remus with wide pleading eyes. He got a decent frown in return.
“What.”
“Take me with you.”
The tall man gave an amused snort. “Nuh. Not happenin’.”
Wrong answer. “Remus,” he drawled. “I need to make sure the fuel is appropriate for my drone. If I come, we can be sure that it’s correct.” The man gave a tired look. “I want to see more of Earth.” He added.
“I’ll already be babysittin’ all the pups. I dun need another person to worry about.”
He turned up his pleading expression several notches. “Your face is gonna get stuck like that,” he muttered dryly before turning to go prepare for the early trip.
It was an unfortunate way to learn that Remus Lupin was immune to begging. Luckily Sirius had other tricks up his sleeve. He followed along, acting as a decent shadow, thinking that if he helped get supplies ready he might be granted a seat on the journey. If Remus was bothered by him tagging along, it wasn’t mentioned. Instead they walked in a comfortable silence. They followed a path back towards the barracks, giving waves to folks they passed along the way.
“Where’d your crutch go?”
The silence was broken with the curious question and Sirius peered up at the broad back ahead of him.
“Lost it,” he answered easily.
“I bet ya did.”
He couldn’t see Remus’ face but he liked to imagine there was a crooked grin or a smirk happening up there.
They entered the barracks, Remus intent on herding up the Pack members to start their own prep, but stopped short in the entry room when it was apparent that another man was there. If Remus had smiled during their walk, it was definitely absent now.
Sirius flashed a grin towards the bloke. “Cheers, mate.” He introduced himself. “Sirius. The new addition to the colony.” Sirius eyed the man’s bulging biceps, holding back a hoot of laughter when he thought of the article clipping hanging up in his barracks room.
He got a semi-polite nod in greeting. “Name’s Caradoc. Remus’ Watch partner.”
“Former Watch partner.”
Sirius flashed a quick glance back and forth between his rescuer and the newcomer, distinctly aware of the tension in the room. “Pleasure to meet you. Love to stay and chat but I’d like to put my skills to use and help this man prepare for his trip.”
Sirius was quickly ignored at that, the large man turning his focus towards his former partner. “Headed out? I can join, itchin’ to get back out there.”
“I’m taking the Pack, Mad-Eye wants 'em to get some time outside the walls.”
Interesting.
Sirius was fairly certain that wasn’t exactly how the conversation had gone, but he was trying to get in Remus' good graces and smartly declined to mention it.
The statement wasn’t what Caradoc wanted to hear, giving a decent scowl. “And what, you're taking him with you?” The question was accompanied with a dismissive point towards Sirius and he instantly gave a competing scowl back.
“Yup. He needs to make sure we get the right fuel, eh?”
What. Sirius whipped towards Remus in astonishment but the man was clearly avoiding his gaze, instead staring back at the other Watcher with a bland expression.
Caradoc clenched his jaw and sent an assessing look back towards Sirius. “Right. So that’s how it is.”
“Mhm.”
“I’d say it’s been good, Lupin, but I dun feel much like lyin’.” With that final blow the man stalked off and Sirius watched his retreating figure with a gaping mouth.
“Wha—“
Sirius scrambled to follow after Remus, the man rubbing the bridge of his nose as he started up the stairs. “What was that?”
He heard a tight sigh drift down. “Nothin’. Let’s tell the Pack we’re leavin’ early.”
Sirius might have been new to the culture there in the colony but he was fairly certain that had been something. “I simply don’t believe that,” he trilled as they entered the second floor hall. “If you’re scared of the bloke I won’t blame you. Based on his biceps alone, I’m sure he could pop my head right off my shoulders.”
Remus released a surprised laugh; just a quick burst, but it was enough to loosen the man’s tense demeanor.
“Not scared, nuh.” Remus paused in his walk down the hall and rolled his eyes. “We were together. Now we aren’t.”
“Former Watch partners,” parroted Sirius.
Remus raised his eyebrows and gave a slight frown. “Aye. But also together.”
Sirius recognised that Remus clearly meant something by that statement but honestly was drawing a blank on the actual meaning behind the words.
His confused expression was correctly deciphered because Remus groaned and added with a cringe. “Together, a relationship, eh?”
“You were married?”
“Christ, no!” Remus choked out, a horrified expression erupting over his face. “Jus’ together, like? Nothin’ serious.” He ran a hand through his tawny curls in embarrassment and shook his head as if to get rid of an awful thought. “Married, fucksake.”
They started up in the next flight of stairs and Sirius took some personal time to process, wanting to be delicate in how he broached the topic.
“You’re both men?” It wasn’t quite the delicate approach he was hoping for but Remus didn’t seem phased.
“Aye, keen observation.”
“Is—that common here,” he asked tentatively.
They’d reached the fourth floor, where the young Watchers lived, and Remus whirled around. “Common?” He furrowed his brow. “I dunno, I reckon I’ve never thought about it. It just is,” he shrugged and began knocking on doors to inform those who would be joining them to 'get their shit together’.
Sirius helped the group carry overnight supplies out to the automobiles they’d be taking on the journey, but internally he digested some shocking new information: Remus had been in a relationship with a man.
In complete honesty, Sirius had never considered the possibility of two people being in a non-married relationship. Let alone two men. He struggled to understand the idea, wondering why two blokes who were unable to have children would be together. But evidently it was common on Earth, so much so that Remus didn't see it as anything peculiar? His brain ached and he opted to accept it as a cultural difference.
He was pulled out of his thought spiral with a gentle nudge against his shoulder. “Here’s your supplies. You’ll ride with me, eh?” Sirius peered up at Remus before remembering the other bit of information that was forgotten in his bewilderment. He got to go on the trip.
Sirius flashed a beaming smile, taking the offered bag with reverence. “Oh, you dashing man,” he threw the compliment out towards Remus with a dramatic sigh, and hurried off to pack his bag before the man changed his mind.
Notes:
Like Sirius, I too am fueled by carbohydrates.
Also, can we talk about how Remus was all "hard no, you aren't coming with me," and then immediately pivoted to annoy his ex? Classic.
Chapter 10: Have You Ever Seen the Rain?
Summary:
Remus, the Pack, and a disgruntled celestial travel outside the colony.
Things go as planned, until they don't.
Notes:
This is a BEAST of a chapter. I am so sorry. So much needed to be said, all from Remus' POV. I considered breaking it up into two chapters but it would have KILLED me to mess up the order of alternating chapters so. Here ya ago, a whooping 5k plus.
Also this story got a lot darker than I anticipated?? I'm just running with it.
Comments are appreciated as always!
TW for this chap:
Violence, guns, death (no major characters). Minor panic attack. Mentions of past abuse/torture. Some light alcohol use.Take care of yourself please! Tags have been updated. Details of TW will be in the end notes for those who would like to see before reading.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Someone told me long ago
There's a calm before the storm
I know, it's been coming for some time
When it's over, so they say
It'll rain a sunny day
I know, shining down like water
I wanna know, have you ever seen the rain?
-Creedence Clearwater Revival 'Have You Ever Seen the Rain?' 1971
If someone were to write a book about celestials, an important fact to include in said text would be that they strongly disliked waking up before dawn. The reader might question the irony of an individual who grew up in an environment without a dawn-dusk cycle strictly adhering to the routine of an Earthly sleep schedule, but Remus Lupin would tell that reader that they had clearly never attempted to wake up Sirius Black.
The Pack was ready to go, already chowing down a quick breakfast at the canteen, overlapping voices chatting excitedly about their trip outside the walls. Remus had sipped on a much needed cuppa, peering around at the group before he belatedly realised that they were missing a certain raven-haired man. Fucksake. He drained his cup, barked out instructions for the young Watchers to head out to the rovers and resigned himself to go catch a star.
Sirius’ bedroom door was still closed and he gave it a solid knock, listening for any signs of life behind the wood panel. Remus allowed himself a small flicker of concern and a larger flicker of annoyance before granting himself entry. The room was dark, a mess of black waves spilling out from the top of a thick bundle of blankets in the single bed. He huffed a sigh and ripped the curtains–that had previously been tightly shut–wide open to let beginning rays of sunlight shine across the room. “Time to giddup, your Highness,” he called, giving the bed a decent kick.
The lump of celestial stirred, a muffled grumble emerging from the depths of wool layers. The bed got another solid shake. Bleary eyes thick with sleep peered up at Remus before disappearing again.
“Nuh uh. Up. Now.” He strained his ears to hear the whined reply that was then followed by a quiet snore. Remus contemplated leaving the damn man, figuring he hadn’t planned on bringing Sirius in the first place, but he remembered the pleading silver gaze (and irritated scowl from Caradoc) and decided that he just had to take matters into his own hands. Literally.
He scooped the entirety of the blanket pile wrapped around the celestial into his arms and kicked the door open with his right foot. While Remus was a humble man, years of work on the farm and outside the walls had led him to be quite fit, thanks. Picking up the smaller man was no chore. Sirius had let out a muffled yelp when hoisted up, but his attempts to squirm out were thorted due to being sufficiently tangled in his self-inflicted cocoon.
Remus waltzed out to his rover, ignoring the baffled expressions of the Pack. “Zep, open the side door for me, eh?” The lad scrambled to follow the Watcher’s directions and Remus took great pleasure in dumping his armful into the passenger seat. “Alri, pups, let’s head out. Tonks, you’ll drive the second rover.” He got a series of salutes in confirmation and he hefted himself up into his own vehicle. It was a fucking good morning.
He flashed a smirk towards a Very Dishevelled Sirius Black, finally vertical with a disgruntled expression, hair in a tangled mess and blankets pooling around him. “Bore da, Sleeping Beauty.” The commander ignored his good morning greeting and continued to scowl, blinking sleepily as they started their journey out the inner colony wall. A grumpy spaceman did little to sour his mood as he shifted the rover into a higher gear, a grin spreading over his face as he coaxed the car to a faster speed. Getting outside the outer wall often felt like a relief, a weight lifting off his shoulders, a laugh wanting to leap out of his chest.
Sirius gradually woke up during their drive. He had initially managed a half-hearted wave to the younger Watchers in the backseat when one passed him a thermos of tea (obviously having fallen for the celestial’s pity party) and by mid-day he’d become quite close with Benjy and Malcolm, gasping dramatically as the young Watchers gave exaggerated tales of their adventures. Remus was content to stay quiet, enjoying the passing landscape outside colony walls and the infectious energy of the young Pack members.
After several hours of driving the sun was high overhead and Remus guided his rover to the edge of the road, the second rover following to a stop behind him. They paused for a much needed bio break and he urged the Pack to roll back the canvas roofs on their vehicles to enjoy the warmth of the sun for the remainder of their journey. He pulled his rifle out and slung it across his back, figuring that it was better to be cautious. While they were still within their colony territory, it wouldn’t be the first time that other colony scouts were found lurking for a scrum within their perimeter.
“Circle up, pups!” He called out, pulling a well-worn map from his rucksack. He spread the paper across the hood of his car and waited for the Pack to gather. Sirius had been bouncing around between various members, talking animatedly with the teens and creating a bit of a distraction, but thankfully the Pack was well versed in following orders and hurried to comply, leaving Sirius to join the circle or risk being left out.
“Alri, we’re headed further east along this stretch of road for another hour. We’ll reach the edge of our perimeter before we start south,” Remus used the map as a reference, dragging his finger along the designated route. “Which of ya can tell me the estimated time to get there?” The group shuffled amongst themselves, eyeballing the route. Remus raised an eyebrow as the answer remained unspoken.
“Eh? Did the Teachers fail teachin’ basic maths?”
“Er—if we travel at the same pace we’ve been makin’, roughly four hours?” The answer was spoken in a question, coming from Benjy.
“Yup,” Remus acknowledged but gestured back to the map. “But anyone see why we cannae make the same pace?”
“The ravine!” Tonks burst out and jumped excitedly. “There’s a ravine here, we have’ta slow to pass it!”
“Aye. We can add an extra hour to our time, travelling down that is a right bitch,” Remus flashed a smile towards the pups and folded up the map. “When we get to the east edge I want everyone havin’ weapons within reach. The waystation is located in the far southeast quadrant so we’ll want to watch for scouts from the southern colony from here on out, eh?”
The group nodded in agreement and they settled back to continue their journey, the only delay resulting in a brief argument on which Pack member got a chance behind the wheel. Remus was kind enough to facilitate said argument (in which he threatened to leave them all behind if they didn’t shut the fuck up and just allow someone to drive) and they started off on their way.
Benjy and Malcom had reclaimed their backseats and opted to take a kip, leaving Remus to take the brunt of a complaining celestial. The joy.
“I don’t have a weapon,” Sirius whined, again, his long hair blowing erratically in the open roof rover. “I’m defenceless.”
Remus ignored him, again. “Tie that hair up, Christ, if it hits me in the face one more time I’m pushin’ ya out the open window.”
“I miss the dashing man who saved me, one who didn’t threaten bodily harm.” Sirius groaned and slumped back into the seat. “If I had a knife I’d cut this shoelace and tie my hair. But alas I’m without a weapon and at risk of being tossed adrift.”
“For fucksake.” Remus juggled the steering wheel and gearshift to pull a dagger from his inner jacket pocket. “Take it. Dun cut yourself or I’ll let you bleed out.”
Sirius crooned in delight and handled the offered knife with surprising skill and went about slicing the lace and tying back his hair as requested. Apparently the gift of a sharp instrument was enough for a few minutes of blissful silence and Remus savoured them gratefully.
“I met Tonks and Sion, absolute hoots the two of them.” The peaceful silence was unfortunately broken by Sirius’ comment. “Reminded me a bit of my best friend James, always so bloody happy.” Sirius gave a sigh, almost wistful, before he hesitated. “Tonks said something about not being a man or a woman?” With that Sirius gave Remus a side glance, as if to clarify his statement.
“Aye, Tonks is neither.”
Sirius relaxed a bit in his seat, apparently relieved that he’d worded things correctly. “Right. Well, Tonks is brilliant.”
“They are,” he agreed.
From the corner of his eye caught Sirius mouthing ‘they’ silently to himself with a head nod, copying the pronoun Remus had used as if to commit it to memory. Remus couldn’t help but feel a flicker of warmth at the open mindedness the celestial displayed, clearly being exposed to a new concept and taking it in stride.
That flicker of warmth was quickly doused when the celestial flashed him a Very Smug Look. “You’ve taken on quite the role here, Mr. Lupin. All in charge, bossing this lot around. One would think you enjoy it.”
“Oh shuddup.”
“No need to hide it from me! I know all about the joy of telling people what to do. A bit of a rush,” the celestial drawled, kicking his feet up on the dashboard.
Remus gave the boots on his dash a scowl but let it slide, figuring he’d need to save all the energy he could. Dealing with the Pack was one thing, having an irritating space prince was another entirely.
The reminder of the journey was uneventful, the only pause was navigating the steep road down the ravine in which the most skilled Pack driver was instructed to take the wheel (Zep and Sion had decided with a thrilling round of rock, paper, scissors). The waystation was an old industrial building, currently used as a crash site for Watch members on perimeter rotation, but back in the post-space expedition days was once an assembly site for various weapons and space transport equipment. Luckily for Sirius this included rocket prototypes.
Remus parked the rover in the clearing to the left of the building lot, next to the evidence of an old fire in the stone campfire pit used by Watchers of past years. He felt a burst of pride as the Pack emerged, weapons drawn and on high alert. “Pair up,” he ordered. “We’ll scope the area before we head inside. Tell me, what are we lookin’ for?”
“Any recent footprints, recent fires, tire tracks! Signs of scouts in the area.” Juniper, a tall girl with blonde curls, jumped in. Remus nodded in approval and passed out walkies to the resulting Watch pairings: Benjy and Zep, Malcolm and Juniper, and the group of three that included Tonks, Sion, and Atlas. “Spaceman, you’re with me.” Sirius nodded, the dagger Remus had provided clenched in his hand. It was reassuring to see the celestial taking the current situation, well, seriously.
Thankfully the search was fruitless, allowing the tension of a potential confrontation to leave his body, though his blood still pumped with the thrill of being on edge. He nodded towards the building and the group made their way inside the deteriorating walls. “Fuel tanks are in the back west room, we’ll need to find a portable container to transport it,” Remus called quietly, the atmosphere of the waystation calling for a hushed demeanour. As this was the first time the Pack had visited the location, he allowed the pups a chance to take their time exploring their surroundings, and gestured for the celestial to follow him back towards the target.
While Remus was now familiar with abandoned buildings and remnants of Past Earth, he could easily tap back into the captivation that he had initially felt during his first time outside the walls. It was difficult to put into words, the strange sense of nostalgia for a life that they never knew. Watching Sirius assess their surroundings with a look of reverence, his brow furrowed and eyes sharp with focus, was another treat. They passed through a dusty room containing desks, old electronics that were long past their prime, heaps of papers with blueprints scattered over surfaces. Sirius tilted his head to the side to study a particular blueprint, the gesture like a curious dog, and Remus quickly pushed aside thoughts of how adorable the movement looked on the man.
They reached the back room, a large hangar filled with partially built machinery left to rust. “Oh.” Remus jumped, the words from the celestial echoing in the quiet space, and turned towards the raven-haired man who had his pale hand out to trace the words imprinted on one of the machines. He peered around the man, taking in the faded letters and felt his eyes widen in shock. Oh.
Black Industries
There, stated in bold font on a piece of a possible shuttle or drone were words that had held new meaning. A label that he had seen many times over in his travels outside the walls, rarely given a second thought, suddenly felt all consuming.
Sirius turned to look at him with wide eyes, his mouth open in shock. “I–” he turned back to look at the words. “This is strange,” he admitted faintly.
“Aye,” Remus agreed, unable to say much more. “The fuel is just here,” he added, turning his back on the man, wanting to move past the discomfort of whatever that was.
Sirius shook his head and hurried over, his face masked back into one of clinical focus. As the young captain perused the multiple fuels, Remus gave a quick call on his walkies to check in with the Pack. He got replies, confirming their whereabouts, and Malcolm chimed in with the success of finding several metal containers to transport the fuel. “This will work!” Sirius had a relieved grin, gesturing confidently towards one of the tanks. “As long as it hasn’t been exposed to the air, this will work for my drone!” Remus couldn’t help but flash a grin towards the man, absorbing his excitement.
“Thanks Christ for that, eh?”
A clang announced the arrival of two Pack groups, Tonks and their partners, and Malcolm and Juniper rolling a barrel. They quickly filled the container with the selected fuel per Sirius’ instructions and made the journey back towards the front of the building with their loot in tow. It was safe to say that the success of the mission and the infectious trills of the group had led Remus to let his guard down.
That was a mistake.
They loaded the rover, and began the process of setting up camp, the vehicles running on solar and unable to travel during the night. As people bustled about setting up bedrolls, Remus felt a prickle on the back of his neck and a sickening feeling sank down his spine and settled in his gut. Benjy and Zep were not there. He raked his memory and realised with a pain that they hadn’t responded on the walkies earlier. “Fuck!” He hissed and instantly swung his rifle around, scanning the area. The camp stilled, watching their leader with wide eyes, following his action and readied their own knives. “Anyone hear from Ben and Zep,” he asked softly, still scanning the edge of the tree line. A collective inhale came from the group as they made the same realisation.
Remus pulled out his walkie and put on a voice of nonchalance. “Oi, Benjy, did Zep toss you in a pit of scav’ again?” he asked casually, turning to scan the building windows looking for any sign of movement. The walkie cracked with voiceless static and he waited a beat or two before trying again. “Come help unload the rovers, you lazy arses.” He ended the talk by giving the walkie an extra click, a signal that all Watchers had learned in their training. Are you safe?
The walkie gave a single click back, a responding signal. Help
The Pack had clearly heard, a quiet cry of alarm coming from one of them. “Hush,” Remus demanded. “Scouts. You trained for this,” he reminded them, firm but kind. “We can deal with scouts. They’re likely being held on the east side of the building, there’s a backdoor that leads into the treeline.” He took a deep breath to centre himself before giving orders. “Continue setting up camp, like normal. They’ll approach and force a trade, supplies or territory for our people.”
“What?”
Remus whirled around at the incredulous demand, not used to his orders being questioned. Of course, he was also not used to having a celestial in his party.
“You’re going to leave them? We need to go help!” Sirius’ expression was filled with disgust and disbelief.
“Nuh. We stay.” Remus fixed Sirius with a firm look. “I know scouts. They don’t want us, they want what we have.”
“You just leave your own people to get hurt. This is unbelievably selfish,” the young commander hissed.
“Listen!” Remus snapped. “Up there,” he gestured to the sky, “you might be in charge. But here?” He opened his arms wide, gesturing to their current location. “I’m the captain. You follow my orders. Understood?” The two men stared at each other for a beat.
“Is that understood? ” Remus barked.
Sirius blinked before standing down and looking away, his mouth pressed in a thin line. “Yes sir.”
“Anyone else have a problem with the plan?” he snarked dryly. The remaining Pack gave quick shakes of their heads. “Then get a move on. Keep your weapons on ya, hide ‘em in your sleeves.” The group quickly dispersed, taking on the role of playful young Watchers happy to be on an adventure for any outside viewers, yet Remus could see the tension in their shoulders, the tight smiles that were just shy of being believable.
The Pack went through the methods of preparing dinner, when the crunch of footsteps announced the awaited arrival of their unwelcome guests.
“Roman, I thought I recognised ya, what a pleasant surprise,” the silky voice called out clearly across the clearing and Remus narrowed his gaze to focus on the speaker, dread pooling in his stomach. Fenrir Greyback, a man from the southern colony, was visible along the clearing edge. Fenrir was a man who thrived on violence, one who sought to inflict as much pain on his unfortunate targets as possible. Remus had plenty of scars from the man as evidence to his methods.
His long greasy hair hung in lank strands across his face and he took a few casual steps closer towards them as if they invited him to dinner. “I was thrilled when I saw that you brought friends, they’re so much fun when they’re young.” The man flashed a feral smile, his teeth eerily sharp.
“What do you want, Fenrir?” He called out, grateful his voice remained steady. He held two fingers behind his back towards the Pack, instructing them to wait for an opening.
“I was thinkin’ a trade?” The man asked kindly, gesturing behind him. Benjy was pulled into sight, struggling fiercely against a scout despite his bound hands. “Heard you found a celestial?” Remus swung his rifle up in a swift motion, the click of his gun muffled by the rush of blood pounding in his ears. Fenrir tutted and wagged his finger mockingly, taking another step.
“Gun on the ground, Roman, or this boy is dead.” A flash of chrome and a pistol was placed against Benjy’s forehead. A space weapon, likely scavenged from a crash, would win a thousand times over his hunting rifle and the Pack's various sharps. He cursed and dropped his gun to the grass. “Good boy,” Fenrir cooed, and stroked a dirty fingernail over Benjy’s cheek. “Now, how about the trade?”
“Fine.”
Both Remus and Fenrir turned towards the voice of Sirius Black, standing casually by the campfire. His face looked bored, a hand in his pocket. “Me for him?”
“Sirius,” Remus hissed, attempting to shut the fool up.
“Oh don’t worry, captain,” Sirius drawled, making his way towards Fenrir. “Just making things easier.”
Fenrir pointed his gun at the approaching figure in warning and Sirius raised his hands. “Don’t worry, mate,” he placated. “Roman doesn’t trust me with a weapon. I’m much too delicate. Going to let the lad go?” He gave a mocking gesture towards Benjy who was still bound.
Fenrir hesitated, clearly unsure how to handle the man oozing nonchalance at gunpoint.
He gave a sudden lunge, wrapping Sirius in a headlock, arm wrapped tightly around his neck, gun pressed purposely against the celestial’s temple, a wicked grin on his face. “I think I’ll keep him too,” he crooned.
What happened next was a blur.
Sirius gave a sudden move, slamming his head back against Fenrir's face, a crunch and splash of crimson bursting from the man’s nose, now broken. A crack as Fenrir’s wrist snapped, a swift kick to the back of a knee, and the gun was now firmly in a pale hand positioned in the centre of Fenrir’s forehead.
“This is my gun.”
The shot rang out and a body slumped to the forest floor. The other scout dropped Benjy at the sight of his fallen partner and took off at a sprint across the clearing. Sirius turned and trained his acquired weapon on the retreating figure. He glanced at Remus with a cocked brow in question. Remus gave a single shaky nod in return and a second shot rang out, Sirius' eyes still locked with his, followed by another thud of dead weight hitting earth.
Things were silent for a second.
Two.
And then they burst into action. Sirius was helping Benjy remove his restraints and Remus snapped back into his role. “How many scouts, Ben?” He asked quickly, glancing the lad over for signs of any major injuries. He saw none.
“Only two,” Benjy gasped and rubbed his raw wrists. “Zep is just inside the tree line, got knocked out when they grabbed us. Sounded like they came across us randomly.”
Remus breathed a sigh of relief. “Glad you’re okay, lad,” he muttered gruffly. The rest of the Pack had rushed to helped Zep, the scrawny man now conscious and recounting his epic brawl. If the lad was able to wax dramatics about the scruffle, then chances were he was doing alright. Remus turned towards Sirius, who was now crouched over the dead body of Fenrir Greyback.
“Alri, mush,” he asked quietly, trying to decipher the scowl on the celestial’s face. Remus acknowledged that the man had just killed two people and couldn’t help the wave of concern at the ease at which he had done so. Sirius glanced up, raised his eyebrows and nodded, before turning back to his search. “What were you thinkin’, walkin’ up to him like that? He could have killed you. Or Benjy.” He couldn’t help the anger that slipped into his voice.
Sirius scoffed. “No he wouldn’t. I knew he wouldn’t. He didn’t know how to use it. This is my gun.” He gave a swift kick to the body on the ground in apparent anger. He pulled out another weapon hidden in Fenrir’s back pocket. “My laser.” Another kick. “Bloody daft prick didn’t even have it powered on.”
Remus shut down a hysterical surge of laughter. “You killed two people.”
The celestial looked up at him and Remus was suddenly aware that he wasn’t looking at Sirius. He was face to face with Commander Black III, steel grey eyes flashing, face cold with indifference. It was terrifying.
(It was electrifying.)
“Yes.” Commander Black acknowledged. “Not the first deaths by my hands. And likely not the last.”
Christ.
Remus staggered away, a frantic feeling rising within, his hands shaking. He gasped for air and sank down to the ground, seeking relief from the solid earth beneath him. A list. He needed to make a list, the whirl of thoughts difficult to grasp in his current state. Fenrir was dead. Sirius had killed him (easily). Sirius had killed before. (How many times? No, focus on the facts.) They had gotten the fuel. Benjy and Zep were safe. No other scouts in the area. Rovers couldn’t drive at night. They were leaving in the morning. (Sirius was dangerous.)
His breathing had slowed and he glanced over to the campfire, desperately taking in the view of the Pack safe and together. Okay. He carefully climbed back up to his feet and took a centering breath.
“Hey,” the soft voice, so shockingly gentle after the violence. He glanced down to see Sirius (this was Sirius, the Commander was gone) standing next to him and looking up to meet his gaze with concern. “Let me help.” (Sirius was dangerous?)
“Okay,” Remus croaked.
Sirius flashed a small smile. “You’re the captain. What are my orders?” Remus gave a choked laugh, slightly unhinged. They needed to move the bodies, Remus needed to check the area again to be sure that they were secure. Needed to check with the pups and see how they were doing. He must have said his thoughts out loud because the celestial nodded and silently volunteered himself to dispose of the bodies (two bodies, dead), prompting Remus to check in with the Pack and their area.
The area was secure, the only sign of recent visitors was a single two person vehicle with supplies for a long perimeter watch. Thank Christ that the two southern scouts had been on an extended shift, the chance of reinforcements highly unlikely. The Pack was a bit shaken up, but Benjy and Zep had lifted spirits, voicing loudly that they were ready for more action outside of the walls. Remus had extended praise towards the group at how well they had managed the situation (and used Sirius as an example of what not to do in future emergencies).
Sirius appeared to be coping. He laughed along with Benjy, accepted praise from the young Watchers with smiles and shared stories of similar fights with alien species. Smoked meat and dried fruit was passed out, and the energy of the group transitioned into one of relief, fatigue, and sobering recognition that life outside the walls was something to fear. The Pack also appeared to view Remus in a new light, seeing him as more than just a cool, older Watcher, but a figure worthy of true admiration.
Remus had relented and allowed mulled wine to be passed around the circle, after Sion and Atlas had promised to remain sober for their night shift watch. He’d later tell himself that the wine had significantly lowered his guard, and that was why he was studying Sirius’ face in the flickering light of the campfire. He would never tell another soul that he’d only had one small swig to settle his nerves before passing the bottle.
The alcohol was behind him noticing the flush over the celestial’s face, peeling skin across his cheeks and the bridge of his nose from a day spent in the sun, pale skin burning under the harsh rays. It was wine that caused Remus to greedily take in the smudges of dirt along the man’s forehead, the scabbed up wound from his crash healing with the promise of a scar. A Sober Remus would not think that, because of these things, Sirius was no longer the perfect copy of an ideal human, but entirely real and breathing in front of him. (a person, not a machine. Not dangerous?)
Breathtakingly real.
He jumped, startled, when the man he was staring at plopped down beside him. “You alright?”
“Aye, spaceman,” he murmured, seeing the small smile grace the celestial’s face with the nickname, because he was still fucking looking at the man. (Sirius was safe?). He quickly turned his gaze back to the campfire. The quiet between them felt heavy, weighted with something, and he filled the silence with words before thinking about what they would be. “Fenrir gave me my scars.”
He heard the sharp inhale from his companion and swallowed back the panic that followed his disclosure.
“All of them?”
Remus shook his head quickly and rolled up the sleeves to his shirt, displaying his forearms. “Most of these are from a pack of wolves,” he explained softly, looking down at his own skin to avoid looking at the expression on Sirius’ face. “Got attacked on a run when I was in the Pack, got separated from my partner. Tore me up. Mad-Eye scared ‘em off, saved me.” He rolled the sleeves back down. He then gestured up to his face. “Fenrir gave me these. Held me captive for a long time. He likes to play with his prey.” The last part was admitted with a whisper. Remus declined to share the promise the sick man had made when he carved him up. The promise that no other person would want him after Fenrir was through playing with him.
“Remus.”
He snapped up at his name and looked at Sirius warily, but the pity he expected to see was entirely absent. “I’m glad I killed him.” Spoken without apology, his silver eyes flashed with fierce determination. (Sirius was safe.)
“Me too,” he whispered.
There it was again, that heavy something settling between them. Remus swallowed, feeling as if he wanted to share more, expose all those parts of himself, desperate to see how Sirius would respond. (Safesafesafesafe.)
A sharp crack of thunder echoed across the sky, jolting Remus from his thoughts and back to the present. A flash of lightning quickly followed along with the patter of rain hitting tree tops.
“Inside, pups!” he called, signalling the Pack to scramble for their supplies to seek shelter from the weather indoors. They rushed to replace the rover rooftops and the group shuffled inside, thankful to have an option for a dry night. Remus turned around the clearing to check for any straggling goods and noticed Sirius standing in place, his head turned up towards the sky.
“Starboy! Get inside!”
He hurried towards the man with a huff, getting soaked with the onslaught of rain. Remus opened his mouth with a sharp snark ready but hesitated at the soft breath that left the man’s lips, a sigh of relief.
“This is rain?”
The question was asked with such wonder, that Remus paused and forgot about the annoyance of water seeping into his clothes. Sirius opened his eyes and looked at him, silver eyes open wide in amazement, raindrops collecting in dark eyelashes and trailing down the planes of his smooth face. Remus’s breath hitched, the sight something beyond words. (Sirius was gentle.)
“Aye,” he gasped.
And, because he clearly couldn’t handle the emotions churning in his chest, he added. “Only an idiot would stand out like this, gettin’ drenched.”
Sirius let out a burst of laughter, full of joy, and opened his arms up to the sky. “It’s beautiful.”
It was beautiful.
(He was beautiful.)
He searched the celestial’s face, looking for signs of the Commander that had been so shockingly present earlier in the clearing, but now the lines were blurred. Was this Sirius, the man who whined about early mornings, cracked jokes with kids? Sirius, who quipped back at snarky comments? Found amazement and beauty in his surroundings? Or was this the someone who killed without blinking? A person who snapped bones with trained memory. A man who flashed charming smiles with terms of endearment falling smoothly past his lips? A person who so easily wormed their way into people’s lives, with a promise of trust and understanding? A face that begged a person to give, without the promise of ever getting any truth back in return.
Remus shivered, not from the rain but from a sudden sickening thought, one that left him curling into himself, hastily throwing up walls that had slowly been crumbling down. How had he allowed himself to open up with a person that he couldn’t even recognize? He cursed himself, bitter with understanding. He’d fallen for the act of Sirius Fucking Black.
Notes:
TW details:
Violence: they run into scouts on their trip. Violence includes a character being bound in ropes, people at gunpoint, someone breaking a person's nose and wrist. Lack of empathy about violence/killing. Someone being knocked unconscious.Death: Two characters are shot and killed. Not too explicit, but there is mention of their bodies after they are dead as well.
Past abuse/torture: Fenrir is a character, he is not a good person. Makes references to his enjoyment in torturing people. Remus shares his past run in with Fenrir which involved torture. (Does not go into explicit detail).
How are we feeling after this chapter????? Pls tell me. <3
Chapter 11: Feelin' Blue
Summary:
Sirius is struggling.
They don't talk about feelings.
Notes:
Hey folks!
This chapter almost acts as a character study for Sirius, in a way. I felt it was important to see his reaction to what happened in the previous chapter, gives an inside perspective on what's going on with this poor boy.
TW: Symptoms of highly compartmentalized trauma, fractured sense of self, panic, vague memories of violence.
Plugging my Tumblr again if anyone wants to chat: https://coolblackmoonlightrose.tumblr.com
Cheers<3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Hey, look over yonder out in the rain,
Soakin' wet fever in my brain.
Now, I ain't certain which way to go,
But I got to move, sure.
Feelin' blue, blue, blue, blue, blue.
-Creedence Clearwater Revival "Feelin' Blue" 1969
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Location: Earth Colony, Mechanic Hall
Sirius was struggling.
The ride back from the waystation had been decidedly tense. The morning after their eventful evening had resulted in unusually quiet Pack members, an extra short-tempered Remus, and Sirius feeling like he was teetering on an edge, barely managing his hold on the immense horror at what he had done.
Typically he prided himself on his ability to compartmentalise. He had killed before. That was a fact, one he acknowledged like checking the time or contemplating what he had for dinner the previous night. But that cool indifference was necessary, something mastered over years of carefully constructing a part of himself that stepped into violence with a cold heart and calculating eye. Otherwise, without that separation, he was guaranteed to unravel. So Sirius figuratively and literally washed his hands and vowed to move on to the next thing.
Except he found that it was much harder to move on when he didn’t have another role to step into, some sort of transition to solidify himself. This time around instead of a new mission, the oversight of crew, complex decisions to make, or coordinates to chart, he was given eight hours of silent travel. His only companions were a pair of sleeping adolescents and a rigid Watcher in the driver’s seat clenching the wheel with white knuckles. Without distraction Sirius had started to spiral, dark shadows rising up and threatening to take root in his mind, reminders of past pain, harsh words, sounds of broken bones and muffled cries. He’d desperately attempted to fill the silence with harmless banter, mind-numbing questions about the landscape, and even engaged in intentional acts guaranteed to annoy his rescuer. Nothing had worked. Remus had driven on in silence, the young Watchers had slept, and Sirius was left with himself for company.
Being left with himself, while having a weak grip on his mind, was a petrifying and lonely place to be. It started with a rising dread, ramping into a consuming, full body terror, that picked at his mind like a drill, slowly chipping away at any solid sense of self, leaving him grasping at ribbons, confused at how the pieces were supposed to weave together.
Upon their return to the colony, Sirius had strolled confidently into the health hall, artfully masking the screaming of his internal mindscape, demanded something for his aching knee and a dreamless sleep, and proceeded to pass out for 12 solid hours of medicated rest.
The next morning had left him with the staggering need to throw himself wholeheartedly into the task of contacting the Patronus, grateful to have something to direct his thoughts towards, tethering him back to himself. This is me, he remembered, drafting his plans for his S.O.S. message. I am this. A firm grasp back on his mind, Sirius was also able to externalise his self-loathing and found a willing target in that of Remus Lupin, a convenient challenge to puzzle out that required little to no acknowledgment of his collective trauma.
So, all that being said, Sirius was struggling.
Not in a major ‘everything is a disaster and I might as well walk into an open airlock’ type of way. It was more of a ‘not being liked by a person despite everyone always liking me therefore my pride is at stake’ debacle.
Admittedly, that was probably only a step down from the open airlock. It sounded dramatic, but Sirius was quite good at dramatics. Excelled in them, really. He was also an expert at being liked. The secret was easy enough:
- Assess a person and determine what they want from you.
- Become what they want.
Now, the root of the problem was this: Remus Lupin was difficult to read. Bordering on impossible. So, the only thing a bloke could do was throw out every possible option and hope that one stuck. Based on Sirius’ current struggle status it was fair to say nothing had landed.
And it wasn’t for a lack of trying. Oh no. He'd thrown his charm, his impeccable humour. Even his serious (Hush, Sirius jokes had grown old ages ago, darling.) authoritative role seemed to do little to crack the rock hard demeanor of Remus Lupin. Instead he’d received a number of impressive huffs, snarky quips, and an eye roll or two. Even worse was when he was given nothing in response, receiving an oppressive silence.
Sure the man had rescued him from a burning pile of metal, offered him water, brought him clothes, and checked in on how he was coping. But did he like him? No. Because Sirius had no bloody clue what he wanted. It left him feeling disoriented and on edge, questioning every interaction around the man, uncertain of who he was in his presence due to the lack of security without a specific role to play.
He thought he had sensed moments of connection, peeking into the complexities of the gruff man during soft disclosures in the barrack’s stairway, whispered secrets around a campfire, only to be blindsided by Remus shutting down with a cold shoulder and guarded expression. The push and pull was exhausting. Clearly the only solution was to stop caring.
Easier said than done.
Sirius was sickeningly aware that the man was avoiding him. One might believe this would help his efforts in trying to stop caring about the damn Watcher, but it only fueled his obsession. What bloody good did it do to ignore the man if Remus was indifferent to the whole situation?
So Sirius had sulked, slinking off to hole up in the mechanic hall to fixate on successfully solving one of his challenges in order to feel a sliver of accomplishment. He worked painstakingly to complete his code embedded with the message for James, deciding that if he was making a list of struggles he might as well add ‘stranded on a planet without my best mate’ as his third unit for ranking difficult situations.
They had two days before his one week anniversary on Earth. If he knew his second in command—which he did— then James would be attempting to land his rescue mission in under 48 hours. The message had to launch today. Sirius wiped a bead of sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand, wincing at the smear of oil that accompanied the movement across his face. He stepped back to observe his work, taking mental note of next steps. The drone was filled with fuel, he had identified and implemented the correct decibel needed to temporarily display the signal block. He just needed to finalise the message and find a successful launch site. Simple. In theory.
Drafting the message was challenging. It needed to be direct, while also covering all the necessary information, while simple enough to be communicated in morse code. He estimated that his drone would emit his message for approximately 180 seconds before it ran out of fuel and plummeted back to earth in a blazing inferno. Sirius’ mind instantly jumped to seeking out Remus for help and he scowled, cursing his brain for not having caught up to the Not Caring Plan. He cycled through the various colony members that he had connected with over the past week, but he hesitated to reach out to any of the Pack. Mad-Eye would not offer much help in providing ideas, Minerva was much too intimidating to approach on his own. He briefly considered the Lead Teacher or one of the mechanics before resigning that Lily was his best option, despite her close association with a certain bloke.
Sirius trudged towards the canteen, figuring he’d pop in for a quick fuel break, before admitting defeat and seeking out the healer in the health hall. He waved a greeting and chimed a polite hello to folks, taking time to hold the door open for a group of older ladies leaving in a chatter of gossip. He entered the canteen and sucked in an appreciative sniff at the lunch serving, before he noticed a flash of red moving across the far end of the room. Target Acquired. Lily plopped down at an empty table with her head buried in a book, absently munching on her tray of food.
Sirius waltzed over and conjured a welcoming smile. “Lilyanne!” The healer looked up in bewilderment, gifting him a small grin still filled with confusion as he gestured to the open seat next to her in question. She nodded and he sank down with a sigh and blinked at Lily with tired eyes. “I’m absolutely knackered, Lilith,” he admitted softly. “Completely baffled, really, a total loss. My health could really be at risk.”
The red-head frowned in concern and set her book aside, giving him her full attention. “What’s wrong, Sirius? Is it your knee?”
He sighed a dramatic sigh and rested his head down on his arms across the table. “No, Lilibeth. My troubles are much more complex than a mere knee injury.” He peered up at Lily through his eyelashes, knowing she was watching him with amusement. “I require a genius. For assistance.”
“Mmhm.” She hummed, her eyes twinkling at his theatrics. “Know any geniuses around here, then?”
“Well, Lilimarie, I’m so grateful you asked.”
She gave a snort at his stretch of a nickname and he rose back up, leaning forward with intensity to meet her gaze. “I figured that a person well versed in healing properties would have a decent head on their shoulders. A brain itching for a challenge. Not to mention,” he continued, waving a hand between the two of them, “We’d make a fine partnership, balancing strengths and weaknesses. A true creation of hybrid intelligence.”
Lily was openly smiling now, and humouring him, the absolute stunner. “And what is your weakness, eh?”
“Pride.” he admitted somberly. “I simply can’t see when I’m making an absolute tit of myself. I figured you’re brilliant at calling people out for being tits.”
The healer let out a burst of laughter, causing heads in their general vicinity to look in their direction. (Sirius noticed with a jolt that Remus was currently collecting his food at the front, and was one of the fellows looking at them in interest. But Sirius didn’t care.)
“Alri’, what do ya want?” She asked fondly, shaking her head in exasperation and taking a bite of her soup.
“Right.” Sirius slipped into work mode, seeing that he had successfully convinced the dame to jump aboard. “I need to draft a message for the signal that I’m launching, but it’s a bit tricky.” She nodded and arched an eyebrow for him to continue. “I only have about 180 seconds for it to transmit, better if I can have it short so it shoots out the message multiple times. I need to make sure I include all relevant information, while writing it simple enough to translate in the code I’ll be using. Short words, short message, full of details.”
“Right, what info needs to be included?”
Sirius reached into his back pocket and pulled out a well used scrap of paper and fished the graphite stick from where it had made a temporary home in his hair. “Not to attempt to land on earth, to find the signal blocker and dismantle it,” he rattled off. “And that I’m safe, of course.” He flashed a grin, but it quickly faded into an expression of worry. “It has to be concise, Lillian. I only get one shot.”
He jumped in surprise when Lily placed a hand on his arm, glancing down at it in shock, before looking back up at her in confusion. He relaxed slightly when he saw the determined but kind expression directed towards him, but still felt a prickle of discomfort at being touched by another person without reason. “We’ll get it right.” He smiled a true smile, soft and grateful, failing to notice the approaching figure from the left.
“Alri', Lils?”
Sirius whipped towards the left, pulling his hand out from the healer’s reassuring touch, and felt a swoop in his stomach when Remus sat in the chair next to his new Partner in Crime. Remus flashed him a tight smile, not his usual crooked grin that crinkled his eyes, and turned his gaze back to his tray.
“Captain,” Sirius directed towards the man with a salute, absolutely not caring that he’d gotten no proper greeting. Lily snorted at the title and gave a questioning look towards the Watcher and old friend.
“Captain?” She prodded, giving a sharp elbow nudge into Remus’s lanky side. He huffed a sigh and gave her a playful shove back, stealing a bite of her roll in the process despite having one of his own. She smacked his hand and looked towards Sirius for explanation, clearing giving up on getting an answer from a person with a mouth full of bread.
“I’m the captain up there,” Sirius offered, pointing up towards the sky in a weighty tone. “But here,” he gave their surroundings with an air of faux disbelief, “Remus outranks me.”
Lily had unfortunately chosen that moment to take a sip of tea, which resulted in an impressive spurt that covered herself and the two poor bastards sitting with her.“Oh!” She gasped, her eyes filling with tears, either in glee or pain from shooting liquid out her nose. “Did he say that?”
“Mhm,” Sirius smiled, daintily wiping his face with the offered napkin.
“Oh, Rem,” She admonished fondly, turning to help wipe the chamomile dripping from her friend’s jumper.
“As much as I love taking baths in the canteen, I believe we had an arrangement, Lillibell?”
Remus arched an eyebrow at the name and proposition, but the Healer sobered up. “Aye. Did ya want to go somewhere else?” He glanced around at the relatively large crowd and gave a quick nod. “Alri’, let’s go back to whatever hole you’ve been workin’ in, eh?”
“Cheers, you absolute brilliant specimen. I can’t wait for you to call me a tit.”
Remus choked at that, and gave himself a thump on the chest. “Should I be worried?”
Lily gave him a quick kiss on the cheek in reassurance and Sirius flashed a dazzling smile, secretly pleased that the man was intrigued enough to ask.
“I’m helpin’ him write the message for his launch,” Lily explained, standing to leave. Sirius pushed down the roar of annoyance that she was telling Remus and merely looked away across the canteen in boredom.
“Oh.”
He flickered his gaze back to the tawny-haired man, hearing a hint of disappointment (was it hurt?) in his voice. “Might help to have your input, mate,” Sirius added, without thinking. Merlin, why couldn’t he shut up. But scratch that, because the Watcher was quickly nodding and scarfing down his lunch at impressive speed.
“Ta, I dun have much work today, I’d be happy to help.”
Blast Sirius and his brain for not remembering the plan, because his spirits soared and he flashed a stunner of a smile towards the man, instantly feeling much more optimistic about the task.
The trio journeyed back to the mechanics hall where Sirius had stashed his supplies and updated Remus on the challenge. They chatted back and forth, debating the best method for communicating with Sirius’ crew and ended up with the final message
Prongs
Do not land.
Find signal blocker and destroy.
Pads safe.
Sirius had fretted over all the possible missed information, concerned that they might not understand the mission requirements, while also worrying that the statement was long and risked getting lost in translation. Lily had called him a tit a minimum of four times and Remus had challenged the use of the “fecking mad ” nicknames that Sirius had adamantly argued to include. However in the end he won, based solely on the fact that he knew James would need a sign that Sirius was alive, or they risked the daft man attempting a daring rescue mission despite the S.O.S.
He finally programmed the message, Lily having left an hour ago back to the health hall, and was unable to resist checking the recording an absurd amount of times, before Remus had gently pried it away, growing tired at witnessing the celestial’s descent into insanity.
“It’s ready,” he stated calmly, meeting Sirius’ gaze for the first time in days.
Sirius grounded himself in amber eyes, freckled skin, and took a deep breath. “Thank you.”
Remus studying him for a moment, before frowning slightly and leaning towards him. “Are you alrigh'?”
The soft question, inquiring how he was coping with such care, was almost too much. He felt a sudden rush of anger directed towards the man, fury at the audacity for him to suddenly ask, after Sirius had already shoved those parts deep down back into the dark. Resentment that the man had the guts to be soft now after freezing him out for days. And rage, all encompassing rage, that he had uttered words that threatened to break down a wall that had been painstakingly restored over the past 24 hours with sheer will, distraction, and a heap of denial. He wished he knew what Remus wanted from him, because in that moment it felt as if he only wanted to see Sirius burn.
He glanced down and became painfully aware that his hands were shaking. He saw Remus follow his gaze to the traitorous limbs and panic surged in his throat, a knee jerk response to instantly hide the symbol of weakness, hands that acted as a glaring sign of what lurked under the surface. Ringing out, loud and clear, come look, see here, a peek at the true mess of a man named Sirius Black. The absolute terror of his fear being undeniably visible to another person almost caused him to choke in despair. “I’m fine,” Sirius added curtly, moving his hands out of view and forcing an expression of indifference.
He waited, desperately wanting to hear something, anything, while simultaneously dreading the idea of his carefully constructed masks failing so tragically.
Remus, whose expression had initially been so reassuring, flickered and turned cold. The tall man looked away, his jaw clenched tight, and offered a dismissive shrug. “The message will either work or it won’t.”
Sirius felt another crack through his mask. And he watched Remus walk away.
Notes:
Ugh.
Sirius is a mess of a human and terrified of people seeing that, so he’s spent his life carefully crating illusions and performing around people to be liked and seen as capable.
(Can y’all tell that I’m a therapist? Lol my bad)
Chapter 12: Catch Me Now I'm Falling
Summary:
Remus is Angry and Avoidant
Lily smacks some sense into his thick head.
Notes:
Time for a deep dive into Remus' character!
I feel like both Sirius and Remus are struggling with the similar fear of being vulnerable but it comes across in very different ways.
TW- some mild violence (punching, blood), derogatory language
(Also! As of this chapter, this fic is officially beta-read! *round of applause* Thank you LittleBaguette for your services!)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Help me now I'm calling you
Catch me now I'm falling
I'm in your hands, it's up to you
Catch me now I'm falling
-The Kinks "Catch Me Now I'm Falling" 1979
Remus was fuming.
The drive back from their trip from the waystation had been admittedly tense. Remus had felt on edge, nerves fried and body thrumming with aftershocks of his descent into anxiety. To be fair, Remus had gone through quite the ordeal. Typically his time outside the colony walls was a recharge, a thrill. Something to ease an itch and feel free from the confines of colony living. Of course life outside the wall came with its own challenges, brawls with scouts and the danger of wild animals. But at least on those trips he was in control, his life in his own hands, confident in his ability to get through tricky situations despite leaving him with a new scar or two. And if he made a mistake? Well, he was the victim of his own stupidity.
This time around had been different. Remus had seven young lives in his hands as well as the wellbeing of an unpredictable celestial. That had been enough to raise his stress levels, simply because one of his mistakes meant an impact on not just himself but so many others. On top of that, running into the person who’d spent days tearing into his body with sadistic torture was enough to lead any man spiraling into a state of sheer fucking panic.
But Remus didn’t deal with panic well. He cringed, recounting how frantic he had felt, losing a grip on his confident decision making, the humiliating relief in having Sirius steady by his side amongst the chaos offering grounding reminders for direction, the celestial gently leading Remus to be the leader. Remus had felt disoriented, his grip on reality foggy and fractured, leaving him uncertain about what to believe and feel. His mind circled back, a loop on repeat, seeing Fenrir’s body fall, flashes of cold steel eyes, a moment standing in the rain. Christ seeing Sirius in the rain had felt monumental, in a way that left Remus shaking to the core. And it was terrifying , all the complex emotions that had swarmed him, feelings that were unfamiliar and distressing. And Remus did not like unfamiliarity or uncertainty. So he turned towards a feeling that was familiar, anger being an emotion easier to hold onto and make sense of his surroundings.
So, all that aside, Remus was fuming.
Not in a major ‘ I’m about to throw hands and break jaws ’ sort of way. But more in a ‘ can’t anybody else see how we’re being played by a pretty man, or is it just me ’ kind of simmer.
It was lonely, being the only person who saw through Sirius Black.
Over the past five days he had gathered more information about the raven-haired celestial as he mingled among various colony people. He’d witnessed bark like laughs and crude jokes when Sirius jostled around the mechanical team. Begrudging praise and curiosity when listening intently to a healing theory lectured to him by Poppy. Silly faces at a passing kid running outside, eager to join in on their childish games. Rigid posture and formal words, hands behind his back and a steel confidence when speaking to authority. Cool indifference when unleashing lethal skill that resulted in two dead bodies, without remorse. Soft smiles and gentle encouragement, a perfect invitation for someone to open up and spew all their innermost secrets.
He also gathered information based on what he heard others say about the newcomer in their colony. Pinning from younger members about Sirius’s gorgeous looks, rattles of admiration from the tougher workers and, most surprisingly, Mad-Eye’s respect. Even Lily admitted to feeling appreciated and seen when she confessed to Remus that she enjoyed spending time with a person who seemed to give his complete undivided attention. ‘ He’s funny, Rem ,’ Lily added with a snort.
The conclusion from his observation was that people liked Sirius. But Remus couldn’t help the coil of annoyance in his gut when he thought that all these people didn’t know the celestial, not really. They liked the person they thought he was. (He blatantly ignored the underlying hurt that accompanied the reality that this meant he didn’t know the man either.)
In hindsight, Remus was absolutely projecting. While he felt frustrated at the transformative personality of Commander Sirius Black, he was more frustrated with himself for allowing another person to bury so deeply under his skin. The only solution was to avoid the man at all costs and stew in his anger.
Remus failed to account for one problem: avoiding a person who commanded attention was easier said than done. The day they returned to the colony Remus threw himself into busy work, writing detailed reports, frantically cleaning his living space, and volunteering for odd tasks. But even those weren‘t Celestial Free. It was almost like the universe had decided to play a collective joke on the Watcher and drop reminders of Sirius in the most unsuspecting places.
Remus huffed a sigh and finished unloading an agriculture supply truck, his body sore from two days of over-productivity. He wiped the beads of sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand and started down the path behind the canteen. He was thinking about consuming a well deserved lunch when a glimmer of silver in the hedge lining the walkway caught his eye. He curiously ambled over to investigate the greenery, thinking that perhaps one of the Pack had forgotten a piece of equipment in the rush to debrief their trip.
Buried in the middle of the hedge, a foot above Remus’ head, was a single crutch. One that had been crafted by their resident healer for a specific spaceman.
A bright bubble of laughter escaped Remus’ lips before he could remember that he was supposed to be angry , for Christ’s sake. But it was hard to be upset when he could so clearly picture Sirius hobbling down the path, cursing the crutch, and perhaps in a fit of frustration tossing the instrument into the hedge with a satisfied smirk.
“Fecking hell,” he breathed, realisation settling in his bones. Only 24 hours and his steel determination cracked. It was this moment, staring at a fucking crutch in a bush, Remus allowed himself to admit that he desperately missed Sirius.
It was strange, missing a person. Remus prided himself on his hyper-independence, his impeccable ability to cater to his own needs and keep folks at a comfortable distance. He’d intentionally structured his life in a way that left Lily as one of the only relationships that allowed room for vulnerability. Even then, he’d never longed for another person before and the resulting feeling was both terrifying and intoxicating.
Remus was pulled out of this mind-shattering contemplation by his best friend, her laugh packing a punch of pure and unfiltered glee that had him snapping a head towards her in the canteen. He watched as she lit up in surprised amusement, and flicked his gaze towards the cause of her laughter sitting across from her with a smug smile.
Before he had a chance to control his body, Remus began walking towards the pair, eyeballing the hand Lily had on Sirius’ arm, and resigned himself with the sigh of a Dead Man Walking that he was about to be willingly pulled back into the celestial’s orbit.
*****
Remus stormed off towards the barracks, shame curling in his gut and a bitter taste in his mouth from the chilled words he had thrown at Sirius in a sudden surge of anger. One look at that celestial’s cool face of indifference had sent the fury he had spent the better part of two days kindling flaring high.
‘I’m fine.’
It was obvious that Sirius was not coping well. He had studied the young captain’s profile as he meticulously listened to his message recording for the millionth time, the dark purple circles under the man’s eyes, the mess of frantically pulled back hair, the tremor in long slender fingers. Remus had longed to reach out, grasp those hands, see the pale skin interwoven with his own tanned ones, to anchor them and absorb the shakes.
‘The message will either work or it won’t.’
Remus growled in annoyance and stomped into the barracks den, causing a bit of a scene in the common space. The door slammed shut behind him and he sent a dirty glare towards Sion and his friend lounging on the sofa. “Feck right off,” he snapped, feeling trapped by their imploring eyes. The pair scrambled to their feet and bolted up the stairs, clearly eager to get away from the Watcher and his dark mood.
“Alri’, Rem?”
He internally groaned, unbelievably pissed that the universe decided to plant Caradoc within one hundred yards of him. “You can feck off too,” he huffed and tightened his jaw before fixing his glare on the man lounging at the rec table with a cigarette smoking in hand.
Caradoc merely raised an eyebrow and let out a plume of smoke. “ ‘s a communal space, mush. Think I’ll stay.”
Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath, unsure if he wanted to let out a scream or a laugh. “Gimme a smoke, eh?” Eyes still closed, he heard the rustle of rolling paper and the flare of a match. He cracked an eye open and saw a freshly lit cig waiting for him in an outreached hand. He stalked over and took the offered smoke with a grunt of thanks.
He drew in a long haul and settled back against the wall, feeling some relief at the burn in his lungs, the exhale of smoke matching his inner inferno.
“Lovers’ tiff?”
“The feck are you goin’ on about,” Remus huffed around another haul and flashed an unamused glance towards Caradoc, who was in the process of stubbing out his spent smoke in an overflowing ashtray.
“You’re only in such a piss state when ya haven’t a decent shag. Reckon your pretty boy either failed to put out or wasn’t a good la–”
Now, Remus was a scrappy lad. He’d had his fair share of scuffles when he was a young Watcher, got in a number of rough rounds with his fellow Pack members, and thrown decent hits towards unsuspected scouts on Watch. But even he was surprised to see his own scarred fist fly out towards Caradoc with a solid and heavy crack to the jaw, cutting the man off mid sentence.
The punch had thrown the man back out of his chair, a howl of disbelief and anger heard beneath Remus’ own steady stream of curses. He was dimly aware of something wet trickling down his hand, likely a busted knuckle from a gleaming tooth, before he swiftly kicked the chair aside to tower over Caradoc’s sprawled position on the floor.
“Shut. Up.”
The man sneered back at him, blood dripping from a swollen lip, a dark bloom already forming along the edge of his chin. “Hit me again if ya want, Lupin. Isn’t gonna make the man bend over for you.”
Remus snarled and grabbed the front of Caradoc’s shirt and hauled him up to his face. At the move, he saw Caradoc flash a glance down towards Remus’ lips, a smirk dancing on his bruised face, his pupils expanding in excitement. “Need an outlet for that anger, mush? Ya know I like it rough.”
Remus laughed, dropped his hold on the man, and stood up to snatch his fallen cigarette, taking a long drag. He shook his head in disbelief, knowing that the man had been intentionally goading him. “Christ, jealousy looks bad on you.” He finished off his smoke and tossed it carelessly into the ashtray before turning back towards Caradoc. “Might wanna patch up your face,” he said lightly before turning to head back out the barracks door.
The punch had channelled enough of his anger, leaving him feeling oddly numb and detached. Remus examined his swollen hand with vague interest, watching the trails of crimson staining bruised skin, and allowed his feet to carry him towards the health hall.
“What did ya do?” The question was asked with accusation and Remus shot Lily an affronted look, collapsing onto the medical cot in her healing room. He let out a hiss as the healer roughly grabbed his hand to examine the injured knuckles. “Did ya punch somethin’?”
He sniffed and relaxed back as his friend began to diligently clean the wound. “Somethin’ like that, aye.” They settled into a comfortable silence, the only sounds coming from the clink of healing supplies and an occasional tut of disapproval from Lily.
“Thanks, Lils,” he murmured softly as she finished wrapping a bandage around the abused fist. Her green eyes flashed up to meet his and she frowned slightly, worrying her lip between her teeth.
“I’m worried about you, Rem.”
He reeled back a bit at her words and sputtered in confusion.
“Nuh, dun do that,” she scolded. “You’ve been angry and busy, and that only happens when your tryin’ to avoid somethin’.” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, not wanting to hear the truth in her words. Unfortunately Lily wasn’t done speaking. “So, I think ya need to tell me what’s goin’ on.”
Discomfort swirled in his gut, but he found himself fucking thankful that Lily was asking, certain that if anyone could make sense of the storm of emotions rattling inside him, it would be this magnificent woman. He cleared his throat and glanced down at the rough woven blanket he was sitting on, trying to find the right words. “I dunno how to explain it.”
“Try,” she encouraged kindly, laying a warm hand on his arm in reassurance.
He huffed. “I’m angry.”
She smacked him, hard , on the shoulder.
Remus scowled and rubbed his shoulder in annoyance. “Right. I reckon it's Sirius. I just–” he frowned harder and looked up at his friend in confusion. “I feel like nobody really knows him,” he admitted.
Lily cocked an eyebrow in confusion. “Know him like you do, you mean?”
“Yes. No.” He frowned and fiddled with his bandage. “I doubt that I know him either,” he admitted moodily. Lily made an encouraging sound and waved at him to continue. He scowled. “I just dun trust him.”
His dear friend gave him a placating look. “Rem. You have trouble trustin’ people.”
He did not.
“I do not,” he snapped defensively. Lily shoved him gently with her shoulder.
“Aye. I think you push people away, worried what’ll happen if they get too close.”
Yeah that was definitely not something he wanted to hear. “I dun push you away,” he shot back. Remus got a wicked smile in return from the red-head that clearly said ‘ because I don’t let you, you fecking idiot’.
He grunted in frustration. “I just cannae trust a person who-” Remus couldn’t find the right fucking words. “Is charming like he is, right? How do I know if it’s real?”
Lily let out a small gasp. “Oh.”
“ What ?” He looked up in alarm with an imploring shake of his head.
“You like him. Oh, Remus.”
He was sick of lying. Remus had been a goddamn fool thinking he could ever distance himself from Sirius Black. Each moment spent with him tore down another layer, bringing him back to that moment spent around the campfire, that moment in the rain.
“Of course I do,” he snapped and buried his face in his hands, defeated, ignoring the twinge of pain from his knuckle. “That’s the problem innit? Everyone likes him. So how can I trust that it’s real? I dunno who he is. ”
His voice came out a bit warped, muffled from his position, but he felt Lily place a comforting hand on his head. “There are moments where the connection is so strong and I forget about everything else. But then I snap back and see him sendin’ smiles towards anything in his vicinity and I’m just another person he’s pulled in. It makes me angry. ” He was mortified when he became aware that tears were gathering in his eyes, threatening to spill over.
“Oh, Rem.” She spoke softly, pain entering her voice at witnessing her friend's distress. The hand in his hair stilled. “You like him.”
“Aye.” He agreed, too tired to fight back. “But I cannae trust it.”
The pair sat in silence for a moment, Remus wiped his face and allowed himself to find relief in the repeated pets through his hair, Lily mulling over his words with a contemplative frown. He was suddenly pulled up by a tug, Lily gently fisting his curls, to meet a horrified expression on her face. “You didn’t punch him, right?”
Remus let out a loud snort. “Nuh. Thumped Caradoc in the jaw.” The healer instantly relaxed her grip on his hair and let out an amused sigh.
“Suppose he had that comin’.”
He hummed in agreement and moved to rest his head on her lap, giving her a nudge to communicate that she could please continue playing with his hair, thanks. She obliged and he closed his eyes, enjoying the gentle touch and sense of relief in his chest for speaking his thoughts out loud.
“Rem? You gotta talk to him.” He sighed, knowing the him Lily was referring to. “You do,” she urged. “I know you’re scared. But you won’t be able to trust him if you dun give him a chance to show you. Trust goes both ways.”
Well. That was certainly something.
He thought back to his earlier interaction with the celestial that had resulted in Sirius shutting down and Remus snapping in anger. It had felt like a rejection when Sirius had closed off to his offer of support, the sharp pain stemming from feeling like Remus wasn’t worthy enough to see the inner parts of the commander. Sirius didn’t trust him either, but he supposed one of them had to take the first step into the uncharted territory of being known.
God damn it.
“Fine. I’ll talk to him.”
Notes:
Whew. Alright. Let's have Remus finally go talk to Sirius about feelings next, shall we?
Chapter 13: Dream On
Summary:
Sirius sends out an SOS, eats an awkward biscuit, feels depressed, and finally opens up.
Notes:
My babygirl Sirius finally talking about fEeLingS.
TW: depressed mood/thoughts, restricted eating, nightmares, panic attack. I'll include more details about the nightmare in the end notes if anyone wants more details before reading.
Enjoy <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Every time that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
Oh, it went by like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way?
-Aerosmith "Dream On" 1973
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Location: 1 kilometer east of Earth Colony
Black hair whipped around his face, briefly obscuring his vision, before he roughly tore it back into a knot with a frustrated grunt. Sirius squinted up at the sky, the sunset limiting his view, and turned towards his companion. “We’re at the coordinates?”
“Yup!” Tonks chirped back cheerily, lounging across the hood of the rover in a fit of relaxation.
He ignored his twinge of annoyance at the Pack member’s ease and mentally called himself out for stalling. After Remus had stormed off, he had ventured to the main Watch tower and asked Mad-Eye for a lift out to his designated launch site, a kilometre along the coast of the east side of the colony near his initial crash. Tonks had eagerly agreed to be his designated guide, filling his anxious silence with bright chatter on their drive that had been easy enough to mirror back.
Now all he had to do was find the courage to send his drone off into the atmosphere. Sirius willed his trembling hands to still, powered up his drone, and sent a silent prayer up to the sky. One chance . For a brief moment, his mind conjured up a painful reminder of jarring words spit towards him with indifference. ‘The message will either work or it won’t.’
He shoved those thoughts aside, pressed the button initiating the launch sequence, and hurried over to join the young Watcher. The two of them scrutinised the drone as it rose up above their heads in a sudden blast of sound and smoke. The receding machine was eventually lost in cloudy coverage and he released a shaky exhale, taking a moment to be thankful that the bloody thing hadn’t exploded .
“Fecking fantastic,” Tonks trilled happily, jumping down off the vehicle in excitement, tripping a bit over nothing on the ground. “Didn’t realise it’d be so loud, Atlas will be pissed they didn’t get to see it—”
“Shall we head back?” Sirius interrupted quietly, finding that his talent for mirroring a chipper attitude apparently had a limit, leaving him completely drained. Tonks hummed in agreement and continued to ramble on about the jealousy of their Pack mates, though they thankfully appeared content to carry the conversation, and started on the short drive back to the colony centre.
He shot a warm and over-exaggerated thanks towards Tonks and their help, leading the young person to stammer and flash him a grateful smile with a flush, before he hurried off to let the Lead Watcher know about their mission’s success. Sirius however slammed to a halt when he was faced with a certain colony leader sitting at the Watch desk, rather than the anticipated old man. He was offered to take a seat across from her, little room left for argument, so he bustled over to sit stiffly in the open chair.
“Launch was successful then?”
“Er– Yes, miss. Ma’am. Um.” Sirius shrank under Minerva Mcgonagall's piercing eyes, strangely feeling like a child about to receive a stern scolding.
“When do you reckon we’ll get word from your ship?”
Sirius hurried to answer the intimidating woman, jumping over his words in his haste. “I’m anticipating an attempted landing tomorrow around roughly midday. If there isn’t a crash by then, I suppose we can assume they received the signal. Best case scenario they send a radio back to us if they destroy the blocker.”
“Hmm.” She gave him an appraising look and he squirmed a bit in uncertainty. “Biscuit?”
“What?” Sirius blinked and looked at the offered tin of biscuits laying on the table beside her that she gestured to with a wave. “Oh–no thank you, ma’am.”
“Take a biscuit, Mr. Black.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” he hurriedly snatched up the offered treat and shoved the whole morsel in his mouth. He choked a bit around a mouthful of crumbs. Minerva nodded in approval and helped herself to a biscuit as well, taking a much more manageable bite. They sat in a few moments of uncomfortable silence and Sirius side-eyed the door to desperately route an escape strategy.
“Another biscuit?” He hesitated, studying her blank expression before slowly selecting another, thankfully stopping himself from shoving the blasted thing in his mouth again. “Take it with you,” she suggested kindly, a small smile appearing on her face, before she nodded towards the door.
Oh thank Merlin . He jumped up quickly and flashed her a smile, likely coming off as more of a grimace, and bolted toward the exit. “Cheers, Minnie!” he called over his shoulder, feeling much more cheeky now that he wasn’t pinned under her All Seeing Eyes.
Once outside, Sirius glanced around the colony centre square for any prying peepers, before he allowed himself to shake out his arms and hands, willing the pulsing thrums of anxiety to leave his body. Logically he recognised that there was little else he could do, the result of his drone launch now out of his control, but he felt jittery with anticipation and no outlet to channel his frantic energy into. The hardest part was waiting. He hated waiting.
Sirius shuffled along the path towards the barracks, kicking random rocks and sending them shooting off in various directions, as he mulled the pros and cons of asking a healer for more medicated tea. The idea of having a conversation with another person, even the kind personality of Poppy or Lily, felt like too much and he resigned himself to head back to his bedroom without a sleep aid.
The barracks main room was blissfully empty. He flashed a curious glance towards the upturned chair and red drops that suspiciously resembled blood around the rec table, but hurried quickly through the room and up the several flights of stairs to avoid the risk of running into another human.
His dark bedroom was a relief. Sirius wormed his way out of his clothes and slipped into a dark green jumper, idly noting it was likely another one of Remus’ due to the length of sleeves pooling over his hands. He briefly debated if he should get dinner, but his stomach gave a sickening lurch of the thought of food. Right. An early bedtime then.
Sirius slipped into his bed and wrapped himself up in a warm cocoon of various wool and patchwork blankets, curling into a small ball. It was then, in the security of his room, Sirius finally allowed the tears that had been forming a lump in his throat to escape, warm tracks sliding down his cheeks and nose into the soft down of his pillow. He muffled a sob with his fist but the dam had already burst.
Chest heaving with cries, Sirius let the fear and pain of the past week wash over him, the anger and frustration at his situation, the uncertainty of it all. While he would have made the same choice over and over, never wanting one of his crew to have been in his position, he couldn’t help but feel that it was so bloody unfair.
With tear tracks drying on his face, the young captain fell into a fitful sleep, missing his life among the stars.
*****
An alarm was blaring. Sirius snapped his eyes awake, instantly hearing the echo of distant screams. His eyes struggled to focus on his surroundings, the ear splitting alarm flashing with blinding lights that distorted his vision. He struggled to free himself from the tangle of blankets trapping his legs, panic growing as the screams continued. Go. Get up. He staggered to his feet and slammed through the cracked doorway, following the familiar cries. Who was it? The ground was uneven, tilting, he lurched down the dark hallway, terror planting roots in his mind. He tripped, his chin smacking hard on a smooth panelled floor. The flash of lights illuminated the object that had sent him sprawling. A body. He scrambled on hands and knees towards the prone figure, a cry of dismay choking out from between his lips, hands slipping in something wet. Lights flashed again, this time reflected in empty open eyes, staring blankly up at the ceiling. “James,” Sirius moaned and reached out towards his best mate, his brother, but suddenly he could no longer move his limbs. Thick black ropes clung tightly to his arms and legs, restraining him, pulling him back down the corridor, wrapping around his vision, his throat—
Sirius peeled open crusty eyes and blinked around at his dark surroundings, pale streams of sunlight visible through the crack of a curtain. He sucked in a large gasp, the breath shockingly loud in the quiet room, shadows of his nightmare still painfully present in his mind. He was sweating heavily, his body snared in a tangle of blankets, hair torn loose in his sleep and wrapping around his neck. He kicked himself free from his trap and brought shaking hands up to his face, silently pleading the vivid images to fade away. Eventually he collected himself enough to shrug off his sweat soaked jumper and padded blearily over to his pile of assorted clothes. He blindly picked a replacement, pulling his head through soft woven fabric, and breathed in the earthy scent that clung to the woollen fibres.
The weight of the previous day quickly settled over him, and he froze, standing in the middle of his bedroom. He felt lost. He was exhausted. The anticipation of waiting around for a radio call or, even worse, a possible crash, was enough for the man to wish he had never woken up.
Staying in bed felt like the ideal option. He collapsed back onto his mattress and huddled under the blankets. Time seemed to pass strangely for a while. There were moments when he felt frighteningly aware of his thudding heart and every second between his breaths, only to lose hours staring blankly at the wall, lost in darkness that had taken root in his head. His stomach felt achingly empty, his mouth painfully dry.
He was called back to the present by a sharp rap on his door, and Sirius was shocked to see that his room was much brighter, the sun a steady beam against the window as it climbed higher in the sky.
“Starboy?”
Absolutely not. The last person he wanted to see in this state was his rescuer, one who seemed to see him far too clearly. He rolled over to face the wall, figuring that if he feigned sleep long enough the man would leave. Another knock sounded on the door and Sirius bit back a groan. He heard the person on the other side of the door shuffle hesitantly before calling out again.
“I didn’ see ya at dinner or breakfast. I brought some food?”
The voice was so warm. Tears pricked at his eyes and silently willed the man to leave the food at his door and walk away. Unfortunately Remus Lupin often failed to listen to his pleas. The door cracked open and he closed his eyes, slowing his breathing. He listened to quiet footsteps making their way into the room, stopping near his bed. A soft clatter, likely a tray, and the scent of food assaulted his senses. Please leave.
The chair scraped against the wood floor as it was pulled out from the desk. Sirius sighed softly and turned over to see the Watcher settling into the seat, his eyes trained on his hands where he picked absently at his fingernails. “What time is it,” he croaked, voice hoarse from misuse.
Remus snapped up to look at him, concern dancing across his features. “Just about evenin’.” The man paused before continuing. “There wasn’ a crash.”
Sirius sucked in a sharp breath and screwed his eyes shut. Good news. He sat up in bed and ran a hand through his ridiculously messy locks, before peering around Remus to study the delivered meal. “What did you bring me?”
He was given a fabulous crooked grin at the question. “Got ya the last fresh baked handpie, had to fight a whole swarm of hungry colony folks for it.”
He choked out a laugh and accepted the offered tray, settling with his back against the wall and food balanced precariously on his lap. “Cheers, mate.”
They settled into a semi-comfortable silence, Sirius munching quietly on his bread, meat, and veg concoction. Who knew that it was easier to eat when he didn’t have the looming threat of his friends plummeting to their death? He finished off his meal, sipped lightly at some water, and gave his companion a few sneaky side-eyes.
Remus looked exhausted. His typically tan skin was a bit pale, eyes bloodshot, lips cracked and dry as if they’d been victims of worrying teeth. His clothes were rumpled, like he’d failed to change into something new after a fitful sleep. And his right hand was bandaged, hints of a bruise leaking out among the edge of the wrapping.
“Thanks for the food, captain.” Remus looked up and flashed a smirk at the title, his weary face lighting up a bit before settling back into a more serious expression.
“No problem, spaceman.” Sirius warmed at the familiar nickname. “Feeling alri?”
He hesitated, recalling the previous evening when a similar question had led to harsh words snapped by a certain snarky bloke. “I’m fine.” He tensed slightly, preparing for another snap or cold look, but was shocked when Remus instead gave a sad smile.
“It’s alright if you aren’t.”
Sirius looked away and studied the wall across from him, taking in the various maps and photos strewn about in decoration. “I’m better now,” he relented.
The Watcher relaxed a bit at his admission and shuffled to get comfortable in the chair. “I came to apologise,” he murmured softly.
What. He peaked over at Remus who was drawing patterns on the desk with his finger. He tilted his head in confusion and Remus looked up at the gesture, giving him a sheepish grin. “I’ve been in a piss mood.”
Sirius took on a flippant expression and offered a shrug. “Seem to be in a rotten mood around me often, no?”
He was expecting a signature huff and was admittedly surprised when Remus hummed in acknowledgment. “Aye. ‘s why I’m apologising. Apparently I have trouble ‘trusting people’.”
“Mmm,” Sirius gave a noncommittal reply. “Don’t suppose you’ll explain why you don’t trust me?”
Remus nodded slowly and fixed him with a distraught look. “Don’t ya ever get tired?”
Sirius sat up on the bed, fully alert. He’d expected an explanation, hidden beneath layers of sarcasm, but not this bizarre and vague question.
“Tired of what?”
“All the different faces that you wear.”
Alarm bells rang out loud and clear in Sirius’ mind. He jutted his chin and squared his shoulders. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Remus flashed him a pained glance from across the room. “You're constantly changing yourself, actin’ differently for different folks. That’s—” he frowned before carrying on his words coming out quickly like they desperately needed to be spoken. “I never know which of you I’m gunna get, so I reckon I got a bit guarded. I’m sorry.”
Sirius studied him for a moment, a blank expression falling across his face and looked away to collect himself. It was a few sentences, just a handful of words, and they had shaken him down to his very core. He’d never felt so completely seen, and it was disorienting, leaving him feeling vulnerable and raw around the edges. He released a deep breath. Was he tired? He could have laughed at the absurdity of the question.
“Yes,” he whispered. “I’m tired.”
Remus stared at him for a brief moment— those eyes seeing so much more than he was comfortable with-– and uttered a reply, his gruff voice coming out much softer than usual. “You can just be yourself here.”
Sirius let out a bitter laugh, defences officially raised. “You all talk about survival, the raw fight to push through every day. But you’re not the only group that needed to survive,” he hissed back fiercely.
He pointed a sharp finger towards the Watcher. “I know you all believe celestials to be some soft souls, unfamiliar with suffering. But you have no idea who I am, where I came from. Space might look different than life here on Earth, but it’s just as cut throat and dangerous. At least here you know when someone is going to attack you, with weapons drawn and fists clenched. It’s obvious. What I’m used to are attacks crafted with carefully manipulated words, constantly having to assume second, third, fourth intentions behind every interaction. It’s self-preservation, Remus, not something I can turn on and off.”
And oh boy, apparently he was on a roll now because he took a deep breath and powered on. “Survival for me was reading people and understanding what they want from me. Who they want me to be. Because the alternative was pain. And pain and suffering grows old. So, I learned to ask, ‘Which Sirius do they need so they can see themselves reflected back in the best light?’ And blast you for insinuating that I’m somehow weaker because of it.”
Sirius was painfully aware that he’d gone off on quite the rant, his voice raising and cracking in his frustration, feeling as if the words were flooding out of him. He looked up and gave a desperate wave of his hands, pleading with Remus to say something–anything–to get him to shut up for one bloody second. But lucky him, he appeared to have left the Watcher speechless. He huffed and threw the tray that had fallen from his lap across the bed, watching as it slid across the covers and hit the ground with a solid thump.
The thud appeared to have jolted Remus back to the present.
“Shit–I’m sorry, that wasn’ at all–”
He stumbled over his words, and Sirius would have found it amusing, except for the fact that he felt like his chest was dissected wide open and bleeding.
“You–” Remus cleared his throat. “You dun have to do that with me,” he stated with finality.
Sirius reeled back and barked out a surprised laugh at this frustrating, intriguing, man. “With you? Remus. No matter who I try to be around you, I still don’t know what you want from me.” Sirius took an unsteady breath and flickered his eyes to meet the gaze staring steadily back at him. If Remus noticed the tears filling up in Sirius’ vision, he was kind enough not to mention it.
“You fecking idiot.”
“What?” Sirius asked, feeling a bit exasperated and very vulnerable.
“I dun want anything from you. I’d like to know you.” A pained noise slipped from Sirius’ mouth and he shook his head in confusion. “What? You think I’m gonna to see the real you and run away?”
Yes. That was precisely what Sirius thought. “Remus,” he whispered. “I don’t even like who I am. Why would you?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
And the masks were slipping, sliding through his fingers, those ribbons just out of grasp. Sirius let out a loud laugh, sharp and frantic, and brought his hands up to clench tightly at his hair. He turned wild eyes towards the Watcher. “Because,” he spat out, his voice high and cracking. “All the parts don’t fit, they don’t make sense. It’s—“ a mess. “It’s horrible. I need to know what people want, I can be that. Without that I’m this.” He gestured towards his unhinged appearance.
“What’s wrong with this? I dun need you to be anyone but yourself.”
A jolt hit him hard in the chest from the bloody weight of that statement. If he hadn’t heard the words himself, he would’ve been convinced that he’d hallucinated and made them up in some bizarre fever dream from one of Lily’s teas. He attempted to respond but the only thing that managed to escape was a choked out bubble of nonsensical sound.
“Sirius?”
He heard his name spoken with apparent alarm in Remus’ voice, but he was distracted due to the fact he was having a significant amount of trouble breathing.
“I can’t—I can’t,” he gasped, placing his hands on his chest, feeling like he was taking in air through a very narrow straw.
“Oh fecking Christ.” A warm hand found his back, rubbing a soothing pattern across his shoulder blades, another finding a firm grasp on his upper arm. “Hey, look here, look at me. There’s a good lad.” The rumbling voice cut through his panic and he desperately tried to follow those words, finding himself face to face with Remus, who had kneeled down before him.
“You–” another gasp of air. “Called me Sirius.”
“Well that’s your name, innit?” he replied bewildered, likely thinking that Sirius had finally cracked it.
Sirius was starting to convince his lungs to do their job, please and thank you, and focused on the grounding anchor of steady hands and his slowing heartbeat rather than responding. He absently noted that Remus’s eyes had flecks of gold hidden among the amber.
“Well,” he sighed, the woosh of breath hitting Sirius gently in the face. “I could call you spaceman, if ya like.”
“Some semblance of normalcy would be brilliant, thanks.”
Remus smiled his crooked grin and placed a hand against Sirius cheek, urging him to continue to slow down his breathing. “Well then, spaceman, care to tell me what the hell that was?”
Sirius hummed, feeling suddenly incredibly drained, and closed his eyes to enjoy the weight of the Watcher’s coarse hand on his cheek, the other still securely placed on his back. He couldn’t recall ever being touched in this way. It was lovely.
“That was likely my mental box of trauma busting open, thanks to your kind words.”
A thumb absently stroked over his cheekbone as Remus appeared to translate his statement.
“No one has ever told you that you could be yourself. That they like you for bein' yourself.”
Sirius declined to reply, merely leaning further into the large and gentle hand cradling his face. The silence dragged on for a bit, and he fluttered his eyes open to take in the fierce expression on the scarred face very close to his own.
“Well, I’m glad I said it then, eh? Even if you almost had a right fit because of it.”
Sirius gave a weak smile at the quip and noted the sinking feeling in his stomach. It was one thing to hear Remus’ words, but another thing entirely to believe them. “I think it’s hard to hear something that competes with two decades of messages implying the exact opposite.”
“Alri’, well fuck the hell out of whoever told you that. I like you quite a lot, Sirius.”
Sirius laughed a true laugh at that, turning to bury his face against the palm resting lightly along his jaw. It was then that Remus appeared to remember he had a hand on the poor sod’s face. He jolted away, taking the warmth and support with him, leaving Sirius with a shocking sense of loss. He took in the soft flush that had started to spread across Remus’ cheeks with bewilderment.
“Remus?”
He chuckled weakly, sounding a bit flustered. “Alri, mush?”
Sirius was definitely ‘alri’. Despite feeling like he was one giant bruise, he felt significantly lighter, his chest warm and aching. To have someone see those lesser parts of himself and accept them, unflinchingly, was life changing. He nodded and flashed a true smile.
“From now on please trust that you’ll be getting Unfiltered Sirius. Fairwarning.”
Remus was then consumed by laughter, complete with full body shakes and crinkled eyes. Sirius watched in fond amusement, seeing the man shed his typical guard that he carried around himself, willing to be open after Sirius had bared his soul. Sirius then let out an echoing peal of laughter as Remus stood, his poor abused knees giving out two dramatic cracks.
“Consider myself warned,” the Watcher joked lightly.
“Does this mean you’re going to stop ignoring me now?” Sirius teased, a touch of honesty underneath his question.
Remus huffed, oh how he’d missed hearing that huff, and looked back with an indecipherable expression.
“Oh, cariad. I couldn’t ignore ya if I tried.”
Notes:
~Trigger warning details: nightmare sequence is a bit disorienting and unclear that it's a nightmare at first. Involves flashing lights, descriptions of a dead body, implied blood, mentions of choking. ~
***Remus calling Sirius cariad?? Did he just slip that out? Was it intentional?? For those who don't know, here's the definition: Welsh term for beloved, lover, sweetheart, darling. Sirius of course has no idea what it means.
Ugh my heart. These two men, let me tell ya. Finally a little fluff, right?
Sirius crying in his bed all alone literally broke my heart btw
(Also me as I was writing this:"Sigh. I miss James. I wonder what he's up to in space." *writes a nightmare about him being dead* What is wrong with me.)
Chapter 14: I Don't Want to Miss a Thing
Summary:
Remus decides that Sirius needs a distraction.
Sirius meets the parents.
Notes:
Not much plot here, enjoy a chapter of complete and utter domestic fluff!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While you're far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure
-Aerosmith "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" 1998
Remus didn’t know what to do with the information that he had gained, information that had essentially taken his running theory and burnt it up into ash. To be blunt, a part of him had hoped the draw he felt towards the man had been a result of Sirius reading his inclination towards pretty men. The idea that Sirius was using that to gain approval from him, just as he’d adapted in many different ways for various people in the colony, was easier to sit with.
But something between them had changed after that moment in the barracks bedroom. Sirius had opened up and allowed himself to be seen. He’d admitted to shifting for other people as a survival tactic to be liked, but more importantly to avoid pain. Remus couldn’t fault him for that because he knew all about survival tactics. He knew about pain. Where Sirius adapted and transformed, Remus withdrew. He built walls upon walls, reinforced with steel and sarcasm.
Sirius had been honest, terribly so, peering up at him with tear filled eyes. Which meant that Remus liked Sirius, not some manufactured version that was being presented. God help him. And Remus’ heart ached. A deep, down to his soul pain. He remembered the stricken face, the confusion, Sirius attempting to make sense of his words. Words that ensured him that he was likeable and wanted holistically, not valued by what he could give those around him. Remus had cradled that porcelain face in his palm, surfing waves of adoration, anger, and a hopeless urge to pull that body closer and give back warmth and affection that had so obviously been denied.
It was with that conversation that every semblance of wariness had slipped away from him, leaving him open and vulnerable towards the celestial. Sirius Black had taken one look at the walls Remus had spent his lifetime constructing to keep people at a safe distance and produced a key. Being open with someone meant that he was in for a world of hurt but, Christ, he welcomed it. Maybe he was a masochist.
Remus had eventually pried the man from his bedroom, citing the importance of fresh air and a bath to wash away the lingering stench of his depression. A Clean and Collected Sirius emerged, ready to be reintegrated back into reality. The whole colony had breathed a collective sigh of relief when the young captain’s ship hadn't crashed through the atmosphere, however there still continued to be a suspicious lack of activity on their satellite. The assumption, supported by Mad-Eye, was that Sirius’ message had been received but the Patronus had failed to disable the signal blocker. The celestial confidently voiced that his crew would be able to manage the task, ‘they just needed to be patient ’.
Despite his words, Sirius had taken to carrying his communication device with him at all times, lugging it around and peering at the blank screen in frantic anticipation. After two days of witnessing the man nearly tearing his hair out in distress, Remus made the executive decision that a distraction was needed.
“I know what ya need,” Remus stated confidently and sauntered towards Sirius, who was fiddling with that fucking comms equipment, a furrow in his brow. He relaxed back on the bench next to the celestial, his long legs sprawling out in the dirt path. Sirius arched an eyebrow and tilted his head in question. “A home cooked meal,” the Watcher elaborated, flashing a pleased grin. He pulled his walkie from his belt, turned it to channel 4, and spoke into the device. “Remus for Lyall.”
They waited, listening to the static filled silence before a choppy and gruff voice echoed back from the device. “What do ya want.”
Remus scoffed, and quickly answered back. “Does that offer for dinner still stand, guest included?”
“ ‘course it does, what kind of people do ya think we are, givin’ an invite and takin’ it back? Fucksake.”
Remus let out a loud huff and an eye-roll. “We’ll be there for dinner, then, eh?”
“Yup.”
The walkie clicked dead as the person on the other end switched off their channel and Remus muttered ‘no fecking manners’ under his breath, before looking back towards his companion with a grin. “Alri, we got dinner on the Lupin farm, best get cleaned up or my ma will think I haven’t been takin’ care of ya.”
Sirius gaped at him for a moment before a wide smile broke out on his face, hinting at a possible quip. “The Lupin farm? You’re telling me that the man on the radio, who sounded exactly like you, is your dear father?”
Yup. There it was.
“I dun sound like him,” Remus huffed loudly and gave a decent shoulder nudge, sending the smaller man nearly toppling off the bench. “Christ, how could you say somethin’ like that? Thought we were friends.”
Remus pursed his lips in mock exasperation, as the man lost himself in a fit of laughter.
“Oh, my dashing hero, denial looks horrendous on you,” Sirius chirped, wiping imaginary tears from his eyes. He eventually collected himself with a content sigh, though an occasional chuckle escaped his lips as if he kept remembering something particularly funny.
Remus grumbled but secretly felt pleased, the light-hearted banter between them filling him with warmth. He hopped up off the bench and reached out a hand to haul Sirius up, ready to start their journey. “Another word about how I’m like my da and I’ll cut your hair.”
Sirius gasped loudly, his amused expression quickly becoming one of sheer terror. “You wouldn’t.”
Remus merely shrugged and started off down the path but stopped when he realised the celestial hadn’t followed. He turned around to see the man standing where he’d left him, his arms covering his head as if to protect his locks from a vicious attack. “Ah, have I found the Commander’s weakness?” He called back cheerily. “I have a theory that you celestials display your rank based on hair length.”
Sirius snorted and loped towards him, dropping his hands from their protective stance. “Don’t be ridiculous,” he sniffed and they started down the path together, headed towards the barracks. “Could you imagine me with short hair?” He shuddered.
Remus studied Sirius walking beside him and winced. “Aye, I reckon you’d look fecking awful.”
Sirius gasped and whirled towards him, pointing a finger accusingly, failing at hiding a smile. “Remus! You’re mean.” He shook his head in disbelief. “If I knew being friends with you would lead to bullying I might have picked another tall bloke to spend my time with.”
Remus hid his own smile. “There are a lot to choose from, I reckon a lot of lads seem tall, bein’ as short as you are.”
Sirius let out a surprised laugh before schooling his features into feigned outrage. “Mean.”
They walked in a comfortable silence, reaching their destination, and the pair separated to go change before leaving on their trip. Remus leaned against the barracks den doorway, having a quick smoke, when Sirius bounded down the stairs in one of his own sweaters. “Let’s go meet the parents, darling,” he called, flashing a beaming smile Remus’ way. Remus allowed himself a brief second to wonder if he was making a grave mistake bringing the celestial to his parent’s home, but he reasoned that Sirius’ brightened affect made his own potential suffering worth it.
The communication device was brought with them, the third companion on their trip, but it was stashed away in the backseat, out of the celestial’s sight for the first time in days. Remus guided the rover outside the colony’s inner wall and started towards the agriculture fields, winding down the dirt path that would eventually lead to the Lupin Residence. He pulled up outside the cabin and glanced towards his passenger who was peering out his window eagerly.
“Alri’, here we are. You’ll likely be asked a lot of questions but dun be afraid to tell ‘em to feck off if they ask something you dun want to answer,” he warned. Sirius shot him an incredulous expression, clearly telling him that he would not be saying such a thing, thanks.
Remus jumped out and shut his door with a bang, noticing the curtains on the front window of the cabin moving slightly, signalling that they had a nosey viewer inside. He huffed at the lack of tact displayed by his mum and turned towards the celestial, but frowned when Sirius was still sitting in the rover. He opened up the passenger door and raised an eyebrow. “Comin’?”
Sirius gave a haughty sniff and brushed his ebony hair out of his face. “Of course, I’m just–” he paused and looked up at Remus through his lashes. “In full transparency, since that’s what you and I do now,” he gestured at the space between them. “I’m quite a bit nervous.”
Remus baulked at the confession. “You handled two scouts, deal with Mad-Eye on a daily basis, and even met Minerva. My parents make you nervous?”
“Well since I’m being honest, Minerva is truly terrifying,” the spaceman muttered but slunk out of the vehicle and eyed the house warily. “Right. Let’s go then.” He strode up to the house with all of the confidence of a young commander and knocked on the front door, leaving Remus staring after him in bewilderment. “Coming?” he chirped back at Remus with an arched eyebrow.
Remus granted himself one long and loud huff as he marched over to his infuriating friend. The door opened up to display an overjoyed Hope Lupin. “Remus!” He was smothered in a tight embrace and given a pat on the cheek. “I was so happy when Lyall told me to expect you two!”
She ushered them into the warmth of the cabin and beamed at their guest. “You must be Sirius. I’ve heard so much about you.”
“Thank you so much for inviting me over, Mrs. Lupin,” he murmured, complete with a signature Charming Smile.
Remus had never seen his mum flustered before, but she turned an impressive shade of pink and waved her hand dismissively. “Oh please call me Hope!” She gave her son a wide-eyed glance before turning back to the celestial. “You really are beautiful. Remus was right.”
“Feckin’ Christ, woman,” Remus groaned, fully ignoring the flush spreading on his own face. “We came for dinner, where’s the food, eh?”
Sirius peered at Remus with a curious glance, eyes sparkling with mischief. “Called me beautiful, did he?”
Remus stormed further into the room with a huff and tried to ignore his mum’s titters of affirmation.
“Called ya a work of art, if I remember correctly,” Lyall chimed in from his relaxed position on the sofa, watching the interaction with an amused smirk.
“For fucksake,” Remus hissed. “Remind me why I came here?”
“No do go on,” Sirius drawled and pranced into the living space, his early nerves clearly left at the door. “Your son has taken to insulting me at least four times a day and I could use an ego boost,” he somberly directed towards his old man.
“I need a drink,” Remus demanded loudly, pointedly ignored by the other people in the room. Remus heard his mum bustling about in the kitchen, finishing final touches on their meal.
His dad stood up to give Sirius a firm handshake. “Name’s Lyall. Let’s get ya somethin’ to drink, lad. Reckon you’ve been through shit and could use somethin’ strong, eh?” He clapped the celestial on the shoulder and went to collect some glasses and liquor, typically reserved for holidays.
Remus blinked after his dad’s retreating figure and looked towards Sirius, who was settling onto the sofa with a pleased expression. Remus sank down next to him (a bit close despite the size of the sofa). He nudged Sirius’ knee with his own and the man smiled soft and sweet, a different smile that Remus silently referred to as his.
“This isn’t so bad,” Sirius whispered. “They like me.”
“Not bad for you maybe,” Remus grumbled, leading to a bark of laughter from the celestial.
His dad reappeared with three glasses, bless the man, and the trio sat in content silence comforted by the wood stove and sound of crackling fire. The ale was sharp and cool, and Remus took a grateful sip, his throat and stomach warming from the liquor. The silence was broken suddenly by a choked gasp, and he and his father glanced towards Sirius who was coughing around his first drink.
Lyall roared with laughter and gave the poor man a solid whack on the back, helping him through his fit. “There ya go, lad. Takes some gettin’ used to.” His father chortled happily. “Reminds me of Remus and his first drink, ya must’ve been, what, seventeen?”
“Sixteen,” Remus smiled around his glass. “Ma finally let me have a drink at Christmas. Thank Christ she did, I was able to drink with the Pack next year without makin’ a fool of myself.”
He and his dad shook with snickers, Sirius watching them both with a bemused expression. He cleared his throat and took a cautious drink, this time much smaller, and smacked his lips. “I suppose I can see the appeal,” the celestial relented and peered into his cup with intrigue. “We have something similar in space but it’s not nearly as—er—strong.”
“Well go easy on that, eh?” Remus suggested kindly and Sirius nodded back with a trusting smile. “Ma need any help in the kitchen?” He directed his question towards his dad.
Lyall grunted a negative and waved a hand. “Got booted out of my own kitchen, didn’t I?” He huffed. “Somethin’ about my feckin’ hands being’ good for farmin’ but not cookin’.” His dad looked behind him as if to make sure he was out of earshot from his loving wife. He turned back to the two lads with a conspiratory whisper. “Reckon she’s tryin’ to impress someone.”
“Hmm,” Remus played along. “Well ya have been married a godawful amount of time. Reckon she’s grown bored, lookin’ for someone new.”
“Mhm,” Lyall agreed and drained his glass. “Lost my good looks over the years, she might be on the hunt for someone beautiful.”
Sirius choked on his drink again. Remus and Lyall smiled smugly at each other, proud to have gotten a rise out of their guest. Hope called out to signal that food was ready and they could lug themselves to the dining table. Remus heaved himself up on his long limbs and helped a still stammering celestial to his feet.
They settled around the table and Remus couldn’t help but think that it felt complete, all sides of the table filled with a presence, as if Sirius was a missing piece in the Lupin home. His dad had another person to collude with, his mum another body to fuss over. And Sirius appeared enthralled, his face flushed and eyes bright from both the drink and attention.
“Mrs. Lupin,” Sirius moaned around a mouthful of mash. “This is simply the best food I have ever tasted.”
His mum waved the compliment away looking entirely too pleased with herself, and Lyall grunted something about how any food would taste good after the ‘fecking canteen’.
After their plates had mostly been cleared, Sirius was in the middle of a dramatic retelling of his crash and Remus was content to listen. He absorbed the celestial’s use of his hands, gestures adding embellishments to his tale, the avid enrapture of his parents hanging on to his every word. He jolted a bit when he glanced towards his mum and found her staring at him, face full of a soft and knowing look, and he narrowed his eyes back at her before she focused again on Sirius.
“I remember seeing these beaming amber eyes and strong hands pulling me to safety. We got over our little language barrier quick enough,” he waved dismissively, “and now I’m an adopted colony member.” He ended his monologue with a dazzling smile. “Your son was absolutely brilliant,” Sirius added and pointed towards his parents. “I’m lucky he was on Watch.”
His mum stiffened a bit at that but Sirius, ever so polite, was kind enough not to comment. The table fell a bit silent and the celestial looked around in question, landing on Remus with an arched eyebrow. He subtly shook his head and looked down at his plate, fiddling with some leftover peas.
His dad cleared his throat. “Speakin’ of Watch, when’s your next shift?”
Remus frowned and looked up towards his parents, feeling a bit defensive. “Three days,” he relented with a shrug. “Just another partial perimeter rotation, only 48 hours.”
His mum pressed her lips into a thin line but nodded. Remus shifted in his seat, thrown off that his admission for a short Watch was met with resistance rather than the typical relief.
“You be careful, lad.” His dad was oddly serious. “Heard today from some of the ag workers that there’s some unrest along the south perimeter. Somethin’ about the southern colony rallyin’ up for a scrum.”
Remus and Sirius both snapped to attention and looked at each other. The celestial’s eyes were wide with concern. “Well things have been quiet for a while now, reckon things were gonna get heated at some point,” Remus explained cautiously, silently pleading Sirius not to mention their recent encounter on their trip outside the walls.
The truth of the matter was that two dead scouts were an obvious break in the peace treaty, and retaliation was to be expected. Not to mention the southern colony was apparently aware that they had a coveted celestial.
Their attempts to help clean up the dinner mess were quickly shut down, leaving Sirius and Remus to venture back into the living room. As soon as his parents were out of sight, the young captain whipped towards him with a frantic expression. “I killed two scouts,” he hissed, eyes wide. “I’m the reason that you’ll be in danger when you leave!”
Remus quickly hushed him and glanced over his shoulder. “Be quiet,” he hissed back. “It’s not your fault. They were in our territory and made the first move. A fight was bound to happen,” he added. But his words did little to ease Sirius’ distress. He chewed on his lip and tugged at the sleeves of his sweater, worrying at one of the loose threads. “Sirius,” he said calmly. “It’s alri’. It’s my job.”
The man nodded stiffly and turned to study the assortment of odds and ends decorating the space. His mum called out a question for tea and pie and both men chimed back in agreement. Sirius picked up an old coin, one that Remus had found on one of his first Watch trips outside the walls and studied it with mild curiosity. He glanced sideways at his companion before directing his attention back to his wandering exploration.
“Your mother didn’t seem too fond of you going on Watch?”
Remus sighed, knowing the tension between him and his family was painfully obvious. “Aye. Parents weren’t too happy with my choice. Reckon my ma worries every time I’m gone. Even without the news that things are heatin’ up again.”
Sirius gave a curious hum, still looking away, and he resigned himself to opening up to the celestial. Because apparently that was what they did now.
He pointed towards his scars in explanation. “The wolf attack was hard but,” he hesitated and looked over at Sirius. “When I was with Fenrir it really ruined them.”
Silver eyes looked back, flickering in the orange light of the fire. Remus had thought that Sirius looked beautiful in silver, his appearance echoing his origins from space, but in that moment he couldn’t help but think that the celestial looked equally stunning in gold.
“How old were you?”
“Eighteen with the wolves,” he admitted. “The Pack is allowed outside the walls then.” He looked away from the intense stare and studied an old photograph of one of his ancestors. “Twenty-two with Fenrir. I’m twenty-five now,” he disclosed off handedly.
Christ, Remus would forever be grateful that Sirius never looked at him with pity.
“I meant what I said, that night.” Sirius added, in a whisper but with so much feeling. “About being glad for what I did.”
“I know.” He knew.
They both took a collective breath and Sirius looked around the cabin. “This place is lovely. It’s so warm and your parents care so much.”
Remus knew that too.
“Why did you become a Watcher? Instead of staying here?” The question was asked with curiosity, shy of any judgement, and Remus found himself pondering seriously. It was a question he’d asked himself many times, often wondering why he hadn’t just stepped into his expected role at the farm. And his answer never seemed good enough.
“I dun like to feel trapped.” The statement settled into the room, contrasting with the open warmth of the home. Remus expected perhaps an incredulous response or scoff but Sirius surprised him yet again.
“You want to make your own choices. Feel free.”
He whipped towards the raven-haired man with wide eyes. “Aye,” he breathed, feeling for once in his life fully understood. Sirius smiled his smile and gave a single nod.
“Me too.”
Their conversation was cut short when his parents entered the room with the promised pie and tea and they all relaxed, enjoying the company and forgetting for a moment all the responsibilities that lay outside the cabin walls. The time to leave swiftly arrived and Sirius bounced between his parents with heartfelt ‘thank yous’. They started towards the front door but his mum held him back for a moment, giving him a gentle hug.
“He’s lovely,” she whispered against his ear before pulling away.
“He’s alrigh’,” Remus scoffed, the comment hitting a little too close to home.
“You’re allowed to be happy, cariad,” she whispered kindly.
“Ma,” he warned, begging her to respectfully mind her own fucking business. Her eyes crinkled with a smile and she pushed her stubborn son towards the door.
They stepped outside into the cool night air and the celestial sent back a final wave towards his mum before the door closed with a solid thunk. Sirius jumped along beside him on the path towards the rover, humming quietly. Remus let out a surprised chuckle at the man’s positivity.
“What’s got ya in such a mood?” He questioned, throwing an elbow out towards him.
Sirius expertly avoided the limb and sighed happily. “Well your parents are wonderful. Absolutely darling. But I also learned a lot about some bloke called Remus Lupin.”
“Eh?” He questioned and hopped up into his seat behind the wheel.
“Mhmmm.” Sirius scrambled up into his own seat. “Got an insight into your childhood home. Tells a lot about a person,” he explained knowingly.
“Oh and you think I’m beautiful,” he added casually with a cheeky grin.
Christ. He would never forgive his parents for that.
“It’s a fact.” Remus grunted. “Like calling the grass green, right? No need to get all worked up over it.”
“The grass is green, the sky is blue, Sirius is beautiful,” the celestial chimed out joyously. Remus groaned and started up the rover. “Back to the colony? I thought we couldn’t drive at night.”
Remus was surprised at the shift in the young captain's tone but wasn’t able to decipher it. “Rover has enough charge for the short distance, eh?”
Sirius looked back at the Lupin Cabin with a wistful expression. It was then, with startling clarity, he realised Sirius was reluctant to head back. The visit to the farm had offered a much needed respite from the stressors they faced back at the colony centre. He glanced up at the sky and made another executive decision.
“We’re goin’ back but first we have a pit stop on the way,” Remus amended.
Sirius tilted his head in confusion. “Pit stop?”
“Aye. Another stop,” he explained. He guided the rover onto a back road leading out to an old crop field.
“Come on, spaceman. Let’s go stargazing.”
Notes:
Remus on the inside: You are beautiful. You are everything. Let me be close to you.
Remus on the outside: You're short.
Chapter 15: Starrider
Summary:
Sirius and Remus go stargazing. He tells Remus about living among the stars.
Notes:
*waves*
Hi. I have ADHD and insomnia so, here's another update. A large part of this chapter has been in my drafts for MONTHS. Time between this update and the next will likely be a week or longer, have work things to catch up on!
Also the end note is a novel. Enjoy, cheers.
TW for this chap: minor trauma flashback w/a little dissociation, mentions of sex not explicit (sexual repression, masturbation), minor self-harm through scratching.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
And ever on I sailed
Celestial ways
And in the light of my years
Shone the rest of my days
-Foreigner "Starrider" 1977
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Location: Earth Colony, Agriculture Fields
Sirius was incredibly thankful that the journey back to the colony centre had been postponed. Their time at the Lupin farm had been a much needed break from the harsh realities that permeated every one of his thoughts in the inner wall. Sirius found himself reluctant to return, not wanting to leave the bubble of peace they eventually had to leave behind.
He had admitted to feeling nervous about meeting the older Lupins, but hadn’t disclosed the underlying reason for his anxiety. The reason being that the word 'parents’ was strongly associated with cruel and cold dismissal, vehement promises of pain, and suffocating disappointment.
He could safely say that his experience with Lyall and Hope had widened his understanding of family, now having another measure for what a parent was supposed to be. Sirius knew that he would forever appreciate the simple evening spent within cabin walls, a moment that would leave an everlasting impression on his memory: one of unconditional love, snarky humour, and a sense of belonging. He could have burst from the lingering warmth that filled his chest but it sharply contrasted with a bone-deep grief that mourned a life he never had.
That being said, Sirius had leapt at the suggestion of further delaying their return and found himself in a field outside the inner colony gate, lounging next to Remus in the grass. It was a clear night and he felt a sense of relief looking up at a scene so familiar, the stars offering something to ground himself with while in a place so strange and new. While Sirius was not particularly devout–unlike some of the zealots who worshipped Merlin with every bloody breath–he took comfort in remembering his connection to the bigger picture. His lips mouthed a long-remembered blessing, directed towards the stars in welcome and gratitude.
“What are ya sayin’?”
He was pulled out of his thoughts and turned his head to face his companion laying beside him. “I was praying.”
The man’s eyes flew open wide in shock, the lack of light making usual amber eyes appear obsidian. He turned his head to the side to arch an eyebrow in questions. “You pray?”
Sirius gave a distinguished snort in response complete with a sprinkle of snark. “Well, as I just was, apparently I do.”
Remus gave an impressive eyeroll but failed to say much else, likely due to the fact that he asked a fairly stupid question. “What were you prayin’ about?”
Sirius allowed himself a moment to appreciate how open the man had been since their conversation in his barracks room, mesmerised by the way the moonlight turned the scarred lines across his face a startling silver. Before Sirius could give an answer Remus quickly amended “If that’s not alrigh’ to ask then you dun have to answer.”
Sirius felt his expression morph into a kind if slightly exasperated smile. “We’re being open with each other, remember?” He cleared a lump from his throat, formed from the unbearable fondness he felt towards his once ‘rescuer’ and now ‘friend ’. “I was giving a greeting to the stars. Giving them my thanks for reminding me about my place in life.”
Remus furrowed his brow. “Which is?”
“That no matter where I am, I’m still a piece of something bigger. Despite being incomprehensibly small in the scheme of things. ” He looked back up at the sky, feeling the light of the stars in his very bones. “We are stardust,” he whispered softly. His chest gave a warm pull at the tether connecting him to space.
The silence stretched on for a bit and he snuck a cheeky side-eye towards Remus, who was staring at him in apparent wonder. He felt a flush begin to creep up his neck and sent another prayer of thanks that it was dark and his blush was hidden from view. “What?”
Remus, who was still looking at him with that bloody expression, gave his head a gentle shake. “Once I think I start to understand ya, you go and say somethin’ that makes me realise that my idea of you is too fecking narrow. I reckon I could spend a lifetime tryin’ to know you, Sirius Black. “
Bloody buggering tits. If that wasn’t a statement that packed a whooping punch. He decided to ignore the shiver that travelled up his spine and the lurch in his gut, instead falling back on something much more comfortable; humour.
“It’s Commander Sirius Black, thank you,” he sniffed with mock offence. The swoop in his stomach unfortunately did not go away as intended, since Remus let out a peal of laughter at his snark, the prick.
“Won’t happen again, Commander.” His shoulders shook with suppressed mirth.
The two settled back into relaxed silence, and Sirius took the time to absently track the visible constellations in the sky while gently giving his feelings a mental prod. Remus Lupin was an enigma, one that left him apparently scrambling to dissect his emotions while stargazing. Utter bastard.
“Can you tell me about livin’ in space?” Remus had his eyes closed, a thoughtful expression dancing on his scarred face. “What’s your life like, eh?”
He considered the question and faltered a bit. “What do you want to know?”
“Everything.”
So Sirius told him everything. Laying on his back, he used his hands in the open air above him to paint a picture of living in the stars, the night sky his canvas. He began with life on the Patronus, how his ship acted as a research vessel that gathered information on potential planets for terraforming possibilities, collecting data, and eventually helping colonists travel to the new settlements. Sirius described his crew members with fierce adoration, explaining how they worked together, each person completing a vital role. And of course, he told Remus about James. His dear brother and best mate, one who he would die for a thousand times over.
That led into his animated description of his time spent in Academy, meeting James for the first time at age eleven and the trouble the pair had caused on unsuspecting classmates and instructors. He narrated his first attempts in flight school, causing Remus to erupt in laughter at his reenactment of crashing into a supply port with adamant cries that he had landed that way on purpose.
He described his time after graduating from Academy, where he and James rented a hub in one of the major space stations that was the size of a metropolis, filled with shops, restaurants, and the bustle of people stopping from trips across the galaxy. Remus listened with rapt attention, following his dancing hands in the sky and chiming in with the occasional question. (“The feck is a metropolis?” “ Like old Earth cities, Remus, Merlin.”)
Sirius eventually trailed off, his voice a bit hoarse from talking, and relaxed back into the grass. He let out a content sigh, enjoying the lingering serenity of sharing his life with the Watcher. His vivid descriptions had reignited the ache that he painstakingly attempted to ignore, but it also felt refreshing to remember his life outside of Earth.
To share himself with a person who wanted to hear every word.
Remus broke the silence with a quiet murmur, thanking him for sharing. His heart tightened and Sirius turned his head back towards the Watcher. Remus had his eyes closed again with a small smile lingering on his lips.
“Of course,” Sirius whispered. “You asked.” The small on the Watcher’s lips grew.
He turned back up towards the night sky, spying his star shining brightly amongst the others. He narrowed his eyes at it, mentally hounding it for stealing his name.
“Why dun you talk about your family?”
Bugger. He should’ve known that the brilliant Watcher would’ve noticed that particular fact. He let out a dramatic sigh (absolutely stalling) and gave his bottom lip a solid chew in thought. “My family isn’t—they aren’t like yours.” Remus stayed quiet, apparently leaving room for him to expand on his vague comment. “I don’t like to think about them. It’s—it’s difficult.”
Sirius found his view a bit cloudy, having a suddenly difficult time focusing on the stars. Instead his vision was filled with steel, shocks of blooming purple and blue, empty hallways, a flash of violent crimson. A shiver worked its way up his spine as the cool night air felt less refreshing and more reminiscent of a time shroud in shadows.
He zeroed in on a sudden heat on his arm, the warmth of a tanned hand seeping through his jumper and bringing him back to the present. “Thank you,” he whispered, mortified that his voice gave a solid crack.
“For what?”
Everything. Anything.
“For bringing me to your parent’s home. For showing me what family is supposed to be like.” The grip on his arm tightened for a moment, a symbol of understanding, before it was pulled away. “Your family really is lovely,” he added, trying to emphasise how thoroughly they had impacted him. “They show so much affection.” Sirius hesitated before remembering that he and Remus were practising the act of vulnerability. “I saw your parents kiss this evening, after dinner.” The words came out in a tangled rush.
Remus cocked his head, apparently mentally reviewing their evening. “I dun remember but reckon they did, aye. Why?”
Sirius frowned at the indifference demonstrated by the man. He’d figured it was another cultural difference but it left him feeling rather uncomfortable and unsure how to express himself without sounding naive.
“I’ve never seen people kiss before.” The words came out a bit stiff. Remus swallowed a shocked noise. “That—we don’t—,” he stammered and shifted in the grass. He’d already started and might as well follow through. Bollocks. “In space we don’t show affection like that in public. And even in private I suppose it’s rare as well.”
He could feel Remus drilling into the side of his face with an intense stare but Sirius kept his view trained on the familiar sight above.
“How do ya show people affection then?”
Sirius couldn’t fault the question, but he felt his defences rise. “With words I suppose,” he sniffed and examined his hands, his skin eerily white in the moonlight.
“What about dating?”
He turned towards Remus, a blade of grass graciously poking him in the eyeball. “What is that?”
Remus huffed and narrowed his eyes. “Like, when you like someone, right? A relationship. You date them, get to know them. Maybe end up gettin’ married, eh?”
Sirius recalled Remus disclosing his past relationship with Caradoc, the confusion at people being together prior to marriage. “We don’t date. We get permission for marriage, then enter an engagement. I unfortunately get assigned a wife when I turn twenty-eight when I need to take my place in government. Downside of being one of the ‘royal families’ and all that.”
“So,” Remus suddenly looked embarrassed. “You haven’t had a relationship then?”
Sirius choked. “Merlin, no. I haven’t been shipped off for marriage yet, thank the bloody stars! I’m only twenty-one.” He sent another blessing up to the sky for seven more years of independence. The stars were receiving a lot of prayers tonight.
“And uh—,” Remus paused and screwed up his face as if he regretted beginning his sentence.
“No no," he scolded. "We’re being open, Lupin. What is it?”
“I’m assuming that means you haven’t had sex.”
Sirius choked again. After giving himself a few solid thumps on his chest, he dramatically sank back onto the ground in exhaustion, reanimating himself with a reclaimed breath. “Buggering tits, Remus. No. I don’t have a wife. I don’t want a child yet.”
“You can have sex without havin’ a kid, Christ.”
“You can?”
They peered at each other in equal confusion before looking back up at the sky in unison.
Sirius then connected the dots, making a realisation. “Wait. So, you have then?”
“Hmm?”
Sirius frowned and shifted in his position on the ground. “Had sex I mean.”
“Mhm.”
The admission was so casual yet it sent Sirius reeling. “Right. Of course.” He cleared his throat. “Why?”
Remus peered back at him, his eyes reflecting the moonlight. “Because it feels good?”
“Oh,” Sirius responded faintly. “It does?”
At that question the man hesitated. “Er—well yes. Like when you do it yourself, yeah? But with another person?” It was his turn to squirm in discomfort.
Sirius shook his head in confusion.
“Oh Christ. You—you haven’t done that either?” He frowned, trying to find words to explain.
“No,” Sirius snapped impatiently. “I told you already that I haven’t been given a wife yet.”
Remus sputtered. “What does that have to do with tossing one off?!”
Sirius huffed, feeling very defensive, and decided to lean into his expertise of showing rather than telling. He reached his hand back to grab the back of his jumper, pulling it off in a fluid motion. Remus let out a choked noise when the celestial had started to remove his clothing, but Sirius ignored him and instead shoved his upper left arm into his face, the inner bicep the area of interest.
“Here, look.” He pointed with his free hand to the thin implant, about an inch long, nestled in the meat of his arm. Remus had thankfully calmed himself down from whatever fit he’d been having, and narrowed his eyes to study the offered limb.
“What the feck am I lookin’ at?”
“Birth control. We all have one. It gets removed once we get married and have permission to have children. Folks in the settlements can have theirs removed permanently but those of us who stay in space are only allowed one child.” He paused before amending. “Well. Most. The Sacred 28 families are given a convenient exception and allowed two. An heir and a spare,” he snarked quietly.
Remus squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his temples. “Right. I’m kindly gunna ignore the whole ‘given a wife’ and ‘permission to have children’ bit. I still dun see how this stops you from havin’ a go with your hand, that thing in your arm just has you shooting blanks, eh?”
Listen. If Sirius sent him a look filled to the brim with bewilderment and exasperation, then it clearly was not his fault.
“Remus, I honestly have no clue as to the words coming out of your mouth. I feel like I need my bloody translation device.”
“Tugging it! Pulling it on, feelin’ yourself up!” Even the night sky couldn’t hide the impressive shade that Remus’s face had turned.
Alright, while Sirius still had no bleeding clue to what Remus was saying, he was of course a brilliant man and was able to make some important deductions. “You mean ejaculating? By myself?”
Remus was still clearly uncomfortable but gave a mortified nod. “Aye.”
“And I told you that I can’t because of this.” Sirius gestured to his implant again with a dramatic wiggle of his fingers. He struggled back into his jumper, the night air definitely too brisk to be lounging about shirtless. He popped his head out of the collar and saw Remus staring at him with an unreadable expression.
“You–” he cleared his throat. “You cannae get hard?”
Sirius gave a loud huff in annoyance and opened his mouth to give a lengthy rant about how he’d already told this daft man, but was fortunately interrupted.
“I know, right, I know. You haven’t a wife.” Remus was frowning and Sirius gave him a questioning hum. “I reckon I just feel bad that you haven’t experienced it, even with yourself.”
“Well explain it to me then, darling,” Sirius drawled and relaxed back in the grass, waiting for Remus to recount the wonders of sex.
Remus huffed and hummed.
“Fucksake. Alri', it’s like— like when you’re freezing cold and finally get to slip into a warm bath. That immediately feeling of pleasure and relief in your body,” he explained. “Or you’re starvin’ right? And finally get a warm meal that was exactly what you were craving. Just a sense of anticipation and satisfaction.”
Sirius voiced an excited trill at the metaphors, thinking it sounded lovely, cheers.
Remus carried on. “And with another person there’s also a connection, gettin’ to be close to someone and show that you care with touches instead of words, I reckon.”
It was harder for him to understand that part. Connection through touch, it was a bizarre concept and he said as much. “You Earthlings are so bloody touchy.”
Remus gave a small cry of dismay. “Touch is important for humans!”
“For humans on Earth.”
“Nuh. For all creatures, right? Like, when you’re a wee lad and you fall down and get hurt? And your ma picks you up and holds you, telling you it’s alrigh’. Or when your friend wraps an arm around ya just because they want to feel close. It's a part of nature. Animals touch all the time.” The man was a bit riled up, going off on a rant.
He briefly thought of the gentle hair tossels he’d received from Poppy, the nudges of reassurance from Lily, and the soft hand on his cheek from Remus. He sniffed haughtily and interrupted Remus’ determined lecture. “Well I didn’t grow up with those things. I told you we don’t have physical affection. We shake hands. I think I’ve clapped a few solid folks on the shoulder. But we don’t touch like that. In the week I’ve been here on Earth, I’ve been touched by people more than I have my entire life. Automatons do most of the caring for children, basic needs and such.”
“Machines? ”
Sirius waved a flippant hand in response. “Mhm.”
Remus froze and Sirius briefly wondered if the man had decided to ascend to a different planet, leaving his body behind. He turned his head to face the Watcher and cocked an eyebrow in question.
“I want to hug you,” he snapped, pointing his finger accusingly towards Sirius.
“What? Why are you angry?” He asked incredulously.
“I’m not angry!” Remus scowled. “I’m not angry at you.” He clarified, after receiving a pointed look from Sirius and rubbed a hand across his face. “I’m angry at them.” A hand was waved up towards the stars in explanation.
“Why?”
“Because.” He let out a huff loud enough that it sounded like it hurt on the way out, poor bugger. “They denied you pleasure. And connection. Fecking machines, Christ. So I want to hug you.” He stated simply, crossing his arms.
“I don’t want your pity,” Sirius snapped, definitely defensive now. “I’m fine. I don’t need that.”
“Idiot.” Remus rolled his eyes. “It’s not pity. It’s care. I care about you.”
Sirius paused. Oh.
“Showing care through touches instead of words,” Sirius confirmed slowly. Remus, still sitting up with his arms crossed, nodded stiffly.
Well that changed things didn’t it? And who was he to deny the man a chance to show that he cared, even if it was in a strange manner?
Sirius hopped up to his feet with mock bravado and raised an eyebrow. “Well go on then.” He stood tall and opened up his posture, arms held out from his sides, but his faux confidence quickly faded as Remus failed to move, leaving Sirius to deflate slightly and shuffle his feet. “Um—“
The insecurity on his face must have been clear as day, even under the cover of the night sky, because Remus leapt up into action.
And it was safe to say this hug was nothing like what Sirius had envisioned. Warm arms wrapped around Sirius’ shoulders, enclosing against his upper back and he was pulled in tightly against the taller man’s chest. His face ended up pressing into Remus’ right shoulder, his body tense and arms dangling loosely by his side.
“You’re supposed to hug back,” Remus whispered, pressing his face against the top of his black hair. Oh. Cheers. His arms were relatively pinned in the current position but he reached out to tentatively wrap them around Remus’ waist. Remus hummed and squeezed tighter at the action and immediately all tension left Sirius’s body.
“Oh,” he breathed, his eyes fluttering shut as he turned to bury his face in the junction of Remus’ neck. He figured he would have felt rather trapped but instead he felt an odd sense of security, warmth embracing him from all sides. Until this moment he’d never realised how cold he was. He could feel the beat of another person’s heart against his own chest, the slight tickle of a tawny curl brushing his forehead. He was engulfed in a scent so quintessentially Remus, like damp soil and burning wood, and something else that might’ve just been the man himself.
It was overwhelming. (It was everything.)
“Sirius?”
A hand brushed through his ebony waves but Sirius squeezed his eyes shut tighter and strengthened his hold around the waist in his arms not wanting to let go yet, causing a surprised whoosh of air to leave Remus. A chuckle rumbled through the chest he was pressed against and Sirius felt it.
“Alri’, a bit longer then,” a fond voice, fingers running through his tangled locks. A few moments more and Remus tried speaking again, voice still so soft. “You’re shaking.”
“No ‘m not,” he mumbled.
He was. He was trembling now, but he couldn’t pin the emotions storming up inside. When he eventually pulled back, the hold around him loosened but didn’t release him completely. He looked up at Remus, still draped between his arms. “Thank you,” he croaked, wiping a traitorous tear with his shoulder.
Sirius was suddenly angry. Because Remus was right. He’d been denied something so wonderful, so simple, but necessary. And he hadn’t even known it was missing until that very moment. Another tear leaked out from his eye and he ripped himself away from Remus to turn around and scrub at his face.
“I want it out,” he mumbled into his hands, giving a shudder at the cold air, so obvious outside of the warmth of another person's arms.
“What?”
“I want it out!” He shoved his jumper sleeve up as high as possible and began to frantically tear at his bicep with his fingernails, red scratches appearing against pale skin before coarse hands firmly pulled them away, preventing further damage.
“Alri, mush, I understand.” Remus soothed, still with a tight grasp on his right wrist apparently not risking the chance of further self harm. “Let’s talk with Lils, eh?” The Watcher mumbled softly, his voice a calming rumble, a voice of reason breaking through the panic thundering in his mind. Sirius nodded jerkily. His wrist was immediately let go as soon as he showed no further signs of attempted mutilation. Sirius forced himself to take several grounding breaths.
“Could you hug me again at some point?” He whispered brokenly, a part of him hoping his question was too quiet to be heard.
Unfortunately the night was relatively silent and the Watcher easily picked up his words. The man looked down at him with complete and utter tenderness, appearing so soft, not a wall in sight.
“Anytime.” The word was spoken like a vow and Sirius felt the tension leave his body. “All you have to do is ask me, right? We’ll do better at askin’ before we touch you too, I’m sorry we didn’t before,” Remus added, still speaking so softly. “You're our first celestial, I reckon we’re learnin’ as we go.”
Sirius gave another jerky nod, this time in thanks. Remus flashed his brilliant crooked grin and turned to start heading back towards the rover. "Remus?" he called, stopping the man from leaving. He looked back at Sirius in question. "I don't mind when you touch me." He hadn't planned the words that flew out of his mouth but he realised that he absolutely meant them, the prickle of discomfit at unwelcome touch never present around the Watcher.
Remus studied him for a moment and nodded. “Still. I could always do better, eh? Come on, Starboy. Think it’s time to head home.”
Home. What a weighted word. He immediately felt heavier, remembering the life they had to return to. He watched Remus’s retreating figure navigating his way back to the rover, his broad back highlighted by the night sky. Sirius looked up and sent a final blessing up to the stars, one that contained a goodbye and wishful plea for a tether back home. Though in all honesty he felt he had lost the true meaning of the word.
He climbed into the rover on shaky legs and settled back into his seat, mind swirling with how his entire life had been dismantled down to the very core. Their quick drive back to the inner colony was blissfully silent, Remus brilliantly concluding that he needed some time to sort through his thoughts. Sirius mulled over the sense of loss, frustration, and anger. As well as something deeper that felt a lot like yearning for something unknown. At the end of it all, he realised that one truth that remained was the immense gratitude he felt directed towards the man behind the wheel.
As they approached the colony barricade, that peaceful silence was interrupted by the quiet beep of a communication device turning on.
Notes:
Alright. To answer your question, yes, Sirius' implant is based off Nexplanon birth control, don't bully me.
So a lot to unpack in this chapter. We finally get a deep dive into the culture that Sirius comes from, one that is very repressive in terms of any physical intimacy. In my head, the heavy restriction initially started only as a necessity when the humans first left Earth, needing to keep populations under control. But over the centuries it transformed into a highly conservative culture where physical touch is demonized, sex for pleasure is taboo.
It was also super important for me to include Remus apologizing and reassuring Sirius that he'd be intentional about asking to touch him moving forward (or let Sirius be the one who initiates). Despite the culture difference, he wants to respect Sirius and his body autonomy. Consent, y'all.
Also sorry for the cliffhanger omg (but also not sorry).
Chapter 16: Long, Long Way From Home
Summary:
Remus leaves for his Watch rotation
Notes:
I'm back! Excited to have a new update for y'all. I just want to thank everyone who has been reading this story along the way, I know a WIP can be really frustrating. Thank you thank you!!
Realized I never made a warning for language? I'll go add that back to Remus' first chap, we know this boy has quite the mouth on him. Fun fact, up until now Remus has said some version of 'fuck' 66 times.
***
TW for this chap:
Starts with a little spice/smut, nothing explicit but has Dom/sub undertones. If that isn't your thing then skip down to "Remus" in bold.Blood, violence: fights, knives, character put into restraints
Death: character death, not described explicitly
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I'm looking out for the two of us
And I hope we'll be here when they're through with us
I'm a long way from home
-Foreigner “Long, Long Way From Home” 1977
Remus ran his hand gently through ebony waves, the silky strands sliding through his fingers. He suddenly tightened his fist and pulled sharply, the silence filling with a high pitched moan.
Sirius looked up at him with heavy-lidded eyes and flushed cheeks, his head forced back from the tight hold on his hair. Remus used his free hand to press a thumb against his swollen mouth, dragging the lower lip down to expose the soft pink of his tongue, before continuing the trail of his hand down a sharp jaw and a pale exposed neck.
He leaned in and gave a few experimental nips with his teeth, watching a bloom of red appear across flawless skin. Sirius let out a hitching gasp and struggled against the restraining hold, but immediately stilled when Remus gave him a hush in warning. “So beautiful,” he breathed and pressed an open mouthed kiss along the fresh marks on porcelain skin. “You mark up so nicely for me, don’t you?”
“Yes,” the celestial whimpered quietly and tilted his head further back.
Remus hummed, pleased at the response, and gave another teasing bite that was too gentle to leave a lasting impression, before pulling back to study the man. He arched an eyebrow in question. “You want people to know you're mine?”
“Please .” Another gasp, darkened silver eyes met his. “Make me yours .”
Remus woke up to dawn just beginning to break over the trees and let out a frustrated groan. He’d made camp the previous evening in between waystations during his perimeter rotation, opting to sleep under the stars rather than in the cramped confines of his rover. He sat up, taking a moment to stretch out stiff muscles, and pointedly ignored his body’s reaction from his rather enthusiastic dream.
Remus felt that he needed to make it extremely fucking clear with himself that he was content–no, overjoyed– to be friends with Sirius Black. Really.
Honestly.
Sure, he found the man attractive. Any fucking person with eyes would. But this was beyond physical attraction. It was a deep soul-piercing ache that seemed to tie him to the celestial, one that was so encompassing that he knew he’d happily take whatever place he could in Sirius’ life as long as he got to be there.
If only his sleeping brain could get on the same goddamn page. The problem was that he now knew what it felt like to hold Sirius in his arms, the celestial so unbearably soft, his slender frame slotting perfectly against him. And his brain had apparently decided to cross some wires. Seeing that safety, comfort, and softness that came with being close to Sirius as something he wanted to consume and possess in all its entirety.
Fucking Christ. Maybe Caradoc was right. He just needed to find a quick shag.
Remus groaned again and began his morning preparations around his temporary camp, lighting a quick fire for his morning tea while munching on a few stale biscuits. He needed to make it to the next waystation where he’d cross paths with the other Watcher on rotation before heading back to the colony the next morning. He chewed robotically and waited for the kettle, eyes bleary with lack of sleep, and found his thoughts once again circling back to a certain spaceman.
Remus was prepared to forever be surprised by Sirius Black. And he was certainly not let down three days ago after their dinner with the Lupins and night under the stars when the man had vaulted with intense speed—a blur of black and silver—into the backseat to tackle his communication device. It was by the grace of Christ and eight years of driving experience that Remus hadn’t crashed his rover (even with the rogue elbow smacking him upside the temple.)
The communication device turning on had been a much needed sign that the S.O.S. had been successfully received by the Patronus. However that relief was short lived, as Sirius had spent the remainder of the night sending frantic transmissions that failed to be answered.
The following 48 hours had involved a frenzied young captain, hushed conversations with the colony leaders, and Remus feeling fucking completely useless. He’d been denied entry to the meetings between Sirius and the Leaders and he had to pack up his gear feeling a bit left out and fairly frustrated at the entire ordeal. He eventually had to resign himself to the fact that the comfort the celestial needed was an answering call from his best friend in space, not anything Remus could provide. He tried to ignore the bitterness that came along with that thought.
For the first time he could remember Remus had been reluctant to leave for his Watch rotation. The only solace on the morning of his departure had been a flustered Sirius rushing out to his rover, initiating a fierce hug and a firm plea for Remus to ‘stay safe, captain’. After recovering from the initial shock of physical touch from the man, he had held Sirius tightly back, grounding himself in all the ways that Sirius was real.
A whistling kettle snapped Remus back to the present and he prepared a quick cup, eager to get on with his journey south. He’d crunched the numbers the previous night and determined he could shave off a few hours of his Watch while still completing the necessary route. Remus drained his tea and quickly packed up his sparse camp. He set his rifle within easy reach, despite his rotation showing no signs of active threats.
He had to stop a few times on his drive to touch up a few faded perimeter markings, and by late afternoon he finally pulled into the checkpoint that signified the end of his watch route. Remus huffed when he noticed that he had arrived before the other Watcher, meaning he had the joy of sitting and waiting. Gwen was one of the senior Watchers and she typically had much longer rotations and travelled outside of their perimeter more often for supplies. She was finishing up a week-long route and Remus knew she’d likely be eager to check in and get back to the colony quickly. He was hoping that was the case, anyway.
Remus checked the surrounding area and set up the shared campsite that he and the older Watcher would use that evening, and pulled out his walkie to see if he could reach Gwen. His call went unanswered, not too out of the ordinary, and he settled in for a relaxed evening around his fire. However by the time the sun had set, Remus was beginning to feel on edge. He was about to reach out to Command and ask about the last time they had heard from the woman, when the silence was broken by an approaching rover.
“Wotcher!” The woman in the driver’s seat called out a greeting and Remus jogged over to help unload her gear. “Sorry for the wait, saw a few stragglin’ scouts. They were headed in the other direction and respectin’ the perimeter, but I let Caradoc know. He’s workin’ the east side route.” She hopped out of the vehicle and slung her rucksack over her shoulder.
He flashed a crooked grin towards his new companion. Gwen was tall and strong, incredibly blunt, with a shaved head and bronze skin that reflected warmly in the campfire. “Bet ya hollered some choice words their way, didn’t ya?”
She snorted. “ ‘course I did. Any trouble on your end?” He shook his head and they settled down around the fire, Gwen unrolling her bedding for the night. “Call back to base yet?”
“Nuh, figured I’d wait for you so Mad-Eye wouldn’t tear me apart for breakin’ protocol.”
She hummed in understanding. “Alri’, let’s report back and get dinner going, eh? You’re cookin’, I ran out of good food a few days ago.” She dug through her bag to pull out her radio and Remus rolled his eyes and stood to begin fixing their meal. He dug through his provisions and pulled out the needed supplies, filling a pot with filtered water to boil over the low flames.
“I’m doin’ a lot of cookin’ and not hearin’ you doin’ a lot of talkin’,” he dryly called over his shoulder as he ceremoniously dumped some peeled potatoes into heating water. He was met with silence and started to turn around, only to feel the sudden chill of a sharp blade against his neck. He dropped his pot with a clang, freezing in place, feeling the liquid splashing over his boots.
A rough hand grabbed his hair and wrenched him around to meet a pair of beady eyes, glinting menacingly in the low light over a beaked nose. “Any sudden moves and the lass dies.”
His head was forced to take in the sight of Gwen restrained tightly by another scout, a hand covering her mouth and a knife at her throat.
The person holding the older Watcher captive was a mountain of a man, taller than Remus and almost twice as broad. But Remus wasn’t looking at him, instead he fixated on the person next to him. For a fleeting moment he had thought Fenrir Greyback was standing there, vivid memories of the sadistic man carving a blade into Remus’ cheek and whispered taunts. But Fenrir was dead. He’d seen the body.
He wrestled with his panicked mind and took in the appearance of his current threat. This scout was much smaller than his past tormentor. In a sick sort of way, the man reminded him of Sirius, slight and pale, but in a nightmarish version of the celestial. Where Sirius was soft and glowing, this man was a light snuffed out long ago. His pinched skin was tinged grey, eyes and cheeks sunken, lips cracked with raw sores at the corner of his mouth. His black hair was thick with grease, stringy and slicked down with the weight of grime.
“What do you want?” Remus was proud that he managed to sound only slightly inconvenienced.
The blade cut in roughly against his skin. “What’s your name?”
Remus spit in the lad’s face.
The man let out a curse but was otherwise unbothered. “This is the one,” he called towards his large companion. “They said he was tall and covered in scars on his face and arms. Remus Lupin, we’ve been lookin’ for ya.” His captor smiled, his cracked lips peeling back to reveal stained and rotting teeth.” He added his next comment casually, still looking at Remus with a pleased grin. “Kill the spare.”
Before Remus could react he heard the unmistakable sound of a blade against skin, a wet gurgle, and a thump of weight hitting the dirt. Gwen.
He launched forward with a snarl, headbutting the dark haired scout and sending him to the ground, before Remus landed on top of him to unleash a series of heavy punches. He felt the pleasing snap of a nose against his fist but before he could land another blow, his arms were wrangled sharply behind his back. The hold caused his shoulder to make a sickening pop as it was wrenched out of its socket by the harsh restraint.
He groaned in pain as the larger man made quick work of binding him with ropes, saving the other scout from any further violence from Remus’ fists. With his hands and legs bound, Remus let out an impressive stream of curses and ignored the rapidly cooling body laying a short distance away from him. He was hauled up onto his knees, the movement jostling his injured shoulder, and the smaller man stalked over to him with a scowl.
“You feckin’ broke my nose,” he snarled, his hand attempting to stem the blood.
“Looks better that way,” Remus suggested. “And it was so large, I really couldn’t have missed it.” He received a hard punch in retaliation, the hit landing on his cheekbone, and Remus spit out another slew of curses. “Not very brave hittin’ a man who cannae hit back.”
“Gag him,” the scout with the broken sniffer ordered and a rag was stuffed violently into his mouth, causing him to retch. “Let’s get him in the Speeder, we’re takin’ him to the Overseer.”
Remus was manhandled into the back of a vehicle (though he reckoned he made it extremely difficult with his thrashing), and the doors were slammed shut effectively trapping him inside the car. The two scouts took their place in the front and turned on the ‘Speeder’, a metal monstrosity running on fuel. Remus’ eyes watered at the fumes and his stomach lurched as they picked up a fast pace.
He ceased his struggles and attempted to calm his breathing, taking in air made difficult by the gag in his mouth. Blood trickled into his swollen eye from a cut on his eyebrow and his shoulder burned something fierce. He made a mental list. The scouts knew his name, they were taking him to the ‘Overseer’, he and Gwen hadn’t checked in with Mad-Eye. (Gwen was dead.)
Remus strained his ears, desperate to pick up any further information that might lend insight for his current situation. The roar of the engine drowned out the majority of conversation happening in the front seat, but he picked up quiet mutters of displeasure about the smaller man’s injury.
They travelled for a while, Remus’ sense of time sorely impaired, but he estimated at least three hours in one direction before the car slowed to a stop. His captors left the car and he rolled over to peer at his surroundings through the window but it was too dark to see anything of importance. The back door was opened with a loud clang and he was roughly pulled out by the larger scout. He stumbled on his bound legs as he was dragged towards an old Earth building, concrete and partially in shambles, and was eventually tossed into a bare room. Remus grunted as he slammed into the hard floor, the only light in the room coming from the moon through a small window. The gag was fortunately pulled from his mouth and he sucked in a grateful breath of stale air.
The two scouts turned to leave without speaking and the door was firmly shut, the sound of a bar preventing any chance of escape. He squirmed against the ropes on his wrists, but grudgingly had to admit that the man who tied them knew what he was doing. Fucksake. He was really and truly trapped.
The exhaustion of the evening finally sank deep into his bones and he sagged against the floor, feeling tears prick at the corner of his vision. He sent out a desperate thought towards his parents, Lily, and Sirius, knowing that his situation was going to cause a lot of panic. He also sent out a final thought towards Gwen, his chest tightening at the cruel and unjust way she had met her end. Remus sank into a state of semi-consciousness, the hard floor and his aching shoulder preventing him from any decent rest.
The room gradually brightened as the night passed, the beginning light of day illuminating the concrete room. He was pulled back to full-consciousness when the bar on his door was lifted and the scouts from last night entered his space. The daylight did little for their appearance, instead highlighting their malnourished frames and pallid skin.
“Either of you lads got a smoke?” Remus croaked, his voice hoarse from misuse and dehydration. His question was rudely ignored, his legs untied, and he was escorted out to finally get his first look at the southern colony.
It was peculiar, if he was being kind. Where his own colony was something crafted from the ground up by the original founders, the southern colony had planted themselves in the centre of an old Earth city and filled it with endless amounts of scavenged supplies from space. He was met by a mass of desolate buildings, slabs of grey, uneven and cracked roads, feeling like he was guided through a disembowelled space station that had crashed to Earth as they passed piles of drone, shuttle, and rocket parts.
And the smell. Christ, the smell was something of deeply rooted decay, as if the very bones of the city were infected, the inhabitants unaware and desensitised to the rot of their own home.
They stopped in front of a building in much better shape than those they had passed thus far. The inside was dark, candles flickering in the enclosed space, and the air was thick with fumes. A bundle burned in a tray, releasing a heavy scented smoke in the air that attempted to cover the stench that surrounded the place. Remus choked and gagged, his head aching from the onslaught on his senses.
And in the middle of the room sat a man. One of the oldest people Remus had ever seen in his entire life. He was tall, but horribly emaciated, with long white hair that fell towards his waist and an equally long beard. He wore an odd assortment of mismatched clothing and gear from space. His nose was thin and pointed, a bit crooked, and his skin was paper thin. If it weren't for the piercing blue eyes studying him with interest, Remus would have thought he was looking at a corpse.
“We found him, Overseer. Remus Lupin.” The black haired scout made the announcement, his voice a bit thick from his swollen nose. Both scouts sank into a bow, but Remus struggled to remain standing. His disrespect was not appreciated, and he found himself aggressively pushed down, his face pressed hard into the ground in semblance of worship. He grunted, his mouth filling with grime from the floor, and coughed against the bitter taste of metal and blood.
“You have done very well, my sons,” a clear voice rang out, filling the room with approval. “You may leave.”
Remus was left alone and he struggled into a kneeling position, his hands still tightly restrained behind his back. He peered up at the strange man, wary at the apparent power he held.
He was given a polite nod in greeting. “You may call me Seer, though I am known by many names.”
He would not be calling him that, thanks. They stared at each other in silence, Remus with complete loathing, the Overseer with mild curiosity. The old man eventually broke the silence.
“Do you know who Merlin was, Mr. Lupin?”
Remus struggled against his bindings and sent as dirty a glare as he could muster. Of course he had heard the name, issued from a certain celestial’s mouth on a variety of occasions in a curse or exclamation. But did he know who Merlin was? He honestly didn’t give a single flying fuck. He decided to tell this ancient asshole exactly that.
The old man pointedly ignored him and instead brought his hands to his mouth, as if in prayer. Remus reeled back at the movement, one of the Overseer’s hands completely black and shrivelled.
“Merlin was the one who first dreamt of a life in space. Without him, humanity would never have ascended Earth to live among the stars. We have him to thank for his efforts, for solidifying our rightful place in the universe.” He turned his piercing pale blue eyes to fixate on the secured Watcher. “I am a descendant of Merlin. It is my duty to bring my people home.”
“You’re feckin’ mad.” That was clearly the only answer, the man had absolutely lost it.
“Those who cannae understand greatness often view it as madness.”
Remus let out a mocking snort. “Your people are clearly sufferin’. Your colony smells like a festerin’ wound.”
“The Earth is not safe for us.” The old man said calmly. “It’s a sign that we need to leave.”
“I reckon you focused so hard on a fantasy life somewhere else that you completely ignored the one you have,” Remus snapped. His head gave a fierce throb, an ache steadily climbing behind his eyes. Remus pivoted, using his energy for something more worthwhile. There was no use arguing with a man entrenched in delusion. “Why am I here?”
“I hear you rescued a celestial, Mr. Lupin. That is information that greatly interests me.” Oh Remus was not imagining the maniacal gleam that had erupted over the man’s aged face.
“What do ya want a celestial for? They dun do anythin’ special,” Remus said dryly, shifting his knees uncomfortably on the hard floor.
“There have been delays in getting our transportation secured. We’ve been preparing for decades,” the man waved a hand towards the amalgamation of space equipment outside the building walls. “When I heard that a celestial had fallen to Earth I realised this was a gift from Merlin. Finally sending us the tool we need.”
Remus stared in disbelief. Complete madness, thinking that their collection of trash material and ancient rockets could be used to successfully travel and live in the stars. “You want him to help build a spaceship.”
The Overseer gave a single nod. “It is his purpose.”
He pushed down his rapidly growing scepticism. “Right. But why am I here? I cannae build a ship, I know nothin’ about space.”
“Sources tell me that you’re rather close to this celestial,” he answered, studying Remus again with a thoughtful expression. “My theory is that either your colony trades you for him or that he himself comes looking for you,” the old man continued and scrutinised the Watcher with a condescending smile. “I’m placing my faith in the latter.”
He cocked an eyebrow in confusion, desperately hiding the inner turmoil that the old man was fucking right. If he knew anything about the young captain, Sirius Black would storm the colony gates single-handedly. His mind whirled, struggling to see a way out of the situation.
“I dunno what your sources tell you. That won’t work.”
The old man flashed a smile. “Maybe,” he admitted. “But I’m rarely wrong.”
“He might come here lookin’ for me, sure,” Remus shrugged indifferently. “Or my colony makes a trade. But do you really think he’ll want to help folks who held me captive, givin’ him an ultimatum? I know the lad. I know with full certainty that he’s a man who will not do somethin’ someone else is forcin’ him to do.”
The Overseer tilted his head in consideration.
“And you’ll want someone willing, if you’re to put all your faith in him.” Remus paused and frowned, deep in thought. “I could ask him to come help. If you send me back. He trusts me.”
He was given a calculating look. “Your suggestion is that I let you go.”
Remus shrugged. “I reckon it’s a win-win situation. You get an eager-to-please celestial and I get to go home instead of waitin’ in this shit hole.”
“Mr. Lupin, I am determined to do whatever it takes, by any means necessary. Would you be willing to risk your parents? Hope and Lyall? Or what about Lily? Such a young and talented healer.” The man paused and let the implied threat sink in. “We get the celestial and we leave your colony untouched . Do you understand?”
“I understand.” Remus replied stiffly, a bit shaken at the knowledge the man demonstrated. “I’ll bring him here and convince him to help you.”
“And how can I trust that you will do that?”
Remus laughed. “Because a pretty shag isn’t worth the lives of my family, eh?” He schooled his face into one of complete determination. “I’ll do this for you. If your destiny is to leave for the stars, then that’s good news for us. We want you gone. But I’ll need some time to convince him. He’s a stubborn lad but we have a close bond, he’ll eventually do what I say.”
The Overseer was silent for a while, mulling over Remus’ proposed plan. He felt sick, the fumes and aches of his body causing his vision to blur, the old man fading in and out of focus. He blinked and shook his head desperately trying to remain present.
“Mr. Lupin, I’m letting you go today. But I will expect to see the celestial here in two week’s time. And remember, I will get what is destined for me, regardless of who I have to hurt along the way. If you fail, the resulting bloodshed is on your hands.”
Christ, he had actually done it.
“I understand, Seer. Two weeks.”
Notes:
Remus: I want Sirius, he's so soft and warm and fits perfectly against me, I want to eat him.
Remus: *sprays self with spray bottle* We are his FrIeND.
Whew. We did it.
(Also my thing for Dom!Remus is being exposed, y'all will be gifted more of him. Cheers)
Chapter 17: Back in Black
Summary:
Sirius gets in touch with the Patronus and learns about Remus' capture.
Notes:
What happens when the author is a therapist and the beta is a nurse, you might ask? Hurt/Comfort of course.
Enjoy this almost 7k word chapter! Whew. Lots of dialogue in this one, just fair warning.
Dialogue in italics is someone speaking over radio/comm device.
TW: mentions of injuries and illness
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Back in black
I hit the sack
I've been too long, I'm glad to be back
Yes, I'm let loose
From the noose
That's kept me hanging about
I've been looking at the sky
'Cause it's gettin' me high
Forget the hearse 'cause I never die
I got nine lives
Cat's eyes
Abusin' every one of them and running wild
-AC/DC "Back in Black" 1980
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Location: Earth Colony, Mechanic Hall
“Commander Sirius Orion Black to SS Patronus, do you copy?”
Sirius was certain that at any second he was about to drop dead. He was on the brink of death. Twenty-one years old and he had reached the end of his life. There was only so much a heart could take, after all. He droned out his repeated transmission and sighed, slumping back in his seat. His fingers itched with a need to do something, rather than the same repetitive cycle of calling without response. “The definition of insanity,” he muttered under his breath, spinning around in his chair.
“Sirius?”
Sirius froze, thinking that he had finally lost the final threads of his mental faculties. He could have sworn that he had heard James’ rich voice, choppy with static, echoing around the quiet room. He was absolutely mad, he had finally cracked it. He narrowed in on the comm device and processed the screen lighting up, signalling a current transmission.
“Sirius, is that you?”
He choked out a gasp and launched his body forward. He scrambled for the intercom button, nearly propelling himself from his chair and dropping the entire thing in his hurry. “Prongs, you have no bloody idea how good it is to hear your voice.”
“Padfoot, you absolute wanker–.”
Sirius barked out a laugh, blinking back tears as he listened to his best mate curse him to the stars and back.
“Merlin, I honestly thought you had died. I was completely beside myself, about to launch out of the ship with only a suit just to get down to that bleeding planet–”
He lost the battle against his tears and they began a steady track down his face.
“ –but Kingsley had me locked up in my bedchambers, where I trashed the place in a fit, and we missed the orbital window and had to wait a bloody week to even try and attempt landing–”
“Prongs,” Sirius croaked out around his tears. “I’m alright. I’m safe.”
He heard James sniffle on the other end of the transmission followed by a shaky exhale. “You utter bastard. I’m so upset with you.”
“You have full permission to tell me that whenever you feel fit.”
“I will. I’ll change your star’s name to ‘complete tosser’ just so it’s clear to everyone else.”
Sirius let out a breathless laugh and scrubbed the mess from his face. “Right, that’s fine. I’m utterly upset with you as well. I’m assuming you got my S.O.S. but could you have taken any longer to send me a message? I went mad waiting–”
“ –You were already halfway mad, mate.”
Sirius sighed and finally allowed all the tension to leave his body for the first time in over two weeks. His chest felt complete, like an empty slot had been filled, an absence he hadn’t even noticed until it was full again. “I missed you so bloody much.”
“I missed you too. We all did. But especially me.”
They sat in silence for a brief moment (brief, due to the fact that James’ one flaw was his complete inability to tolerate any extended quiet) just enjoying each other’s presence.
James, as expected, chimed in with a curious trill. “So what happened? All I know is the comms went down and I saw the shuttle trajectory start to plummet before I lost sight of you. Now I know it was that bloody blocker that caused it, but where are you? You’re safe, but what does that even mean?”
Where to even begin.
Sirius dove into a detailed account of his crash and his dashing rescuer, described life on Earth, and his experiences at the colony. James was an active listener, gasping and shouting colourful exclamations, voicing his surprise at the rich lives of those living on the supposedly desolate planet.
“ –and Remus brought me outside the walls with the Pack to get rocket fuel–”
“Merlin, you’ve mentioned Remus at least five times. I ought to shake this bloke's hand. Thank him for taking care of my dear brother while I was indisposed.”
He paused at James’ laughter and blinked a few times, unaware that the Watcher had been mentioned so often. “He’s a brilliant bloke, really. A real good mate, Prongs. I want you to meet him when you land.” The comm device was quiet and Sirius frowned. “James?”
“I’d love to meet him.”
Sirius’ frown deepened. “What’s happening in space, James?” His best mate let out a loud sigh and he could easily picture the man running a hand through his unruly hair.
“Well, I told you what happened when you crashed. I was locked up for a bit, cooling my head, and then we opted to wait for the next orbital window to try and launch a rescue in case you’d survived. The day before launch we got a reading of a signal, it was brief, but the Patronus picked it up and logged it. Brilliant use of code, mate, by the way.”
Sirius hummed in thanks but remained quiet, urging his friend to continue.
“Took forever to find the blasted blocker, do you know how many ruddy old satellites are up here in orbit? Anyway, we finally found it. Marls did a spacewalk to disable the thing permanently, but it let out a flare or something which caused all comms to reboot onboard.”
That explained the lag in communication but Sirius had a sinking feeling that there was more to the story. “James,” he warned, slipping into his role as captain.
“I know. It’s–the blocker was a Sacred 28 prototype. I have no bloody idea what that means but–” James let out another sigh. “Pads, now our landing gear is malfunctioning and well... I think someone wanted to get rid of you. This all feels too intentional.”
There it was. Sirius sat in a sudden moment of clarity, dread pooling in his stomach. “James? Are you alone?” A static of silence before his second in command answered.
“…Yes.”
“Is there a reason why you’re alone?”
“Yes.”
Sirius sighed and closed his eyes, bringing his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He and James were always on the same page, as if they shared a brain, able to communicate with minimal words, falling into an effortless dance. He knew then that he was correct to assume that there was something amiss on the Patronus.
“There’s a spy on board.”
“I think so, yes.”
Sirius let out a stream of curses. “Whoever it is, it’s a suicide mission, isn’t it? They’d have been a part of the failed landing on Earth and died with the lot of you.”
“I know. We’re missing something.”
Merlin, the thought of picking a spy out amongst the crew, one that had been faithful to him the past four years, was heartbreaking. He knew that his best mate was speaking to him alone because he also struggled to determine who it could possibly be. And when their entire crew felt trustworthy, that meant it could be anyone. Anyone except James and himself. He drummed his fingers against the table in thought.
“Was there any fuss when you received my message to destroy the blocker?”
“No. Everyone was bloody overjoyed when we finally heard from you.”
“Right. Well looks like we have a puzzle to sort out, mate.” He pondered for a moment longer. “And you’ve had no contact from the empire? Complete silence?”
“Right. No answers from command. I feel like something’s brewing, much larger, and we just don’t have all the information to understand what is actually happening. This is big, Pads.”
It was. He sent a silent blessing to the stars that he had gotten to experience a simple life on Earth, even for a moment. They were merely pawns in a large and complex game, pieces being used to achieve ulterior motives. Thankfully he knew a person on the inside.
“Prongs. Go to my chambers. There’s a comm device in my nightstand. You need to speak to Reggie.”
The transmission was quiet for a beat. “ You still speak with Regulus?”
He did. Of course he did. While James was his brother in everything but blood, Regulus was another limb. One that he cut off but still felt phantom pains, drawing him back to the little brother who grew up alongside him in shadow.
“It’s a private channel, only he has access to it. Tell him what’s going on.”
“Can we trust him, Sirius?”
Sirius sighed. Oh James. He’d asked so politely but it was one of the only areas where he and his mate had always disagreed.
“We can trust him about as much as we can trust anyone in the blasted government,” he admitted. “But I can trust that he wouldn’t want me harmed. He needs to know what happened. And see if you can gather any intel from what he tells you. Read between the lines, he’s a sly bastard. I’ll put my brilliant brain to use on this end.”
“Alright. I’ll give it a go now. I’ll call you back soon. Be safe, mate.”
“Always, brother.”
The comm device dulled at the end of the transmission and Sirius tossed it aside, his initial joy being replaced by familiar hypervigilance and complete exhaustion. A blocker on Earth placed by the empire, sabotage onboard the Patronus, an ultimate desire to get rid of the Black Heir. He needed to begin to sort out the mess, sift through the pieces they had, but he knew he wouldn’t get far until James spoke with his dear little brother.
Sirius was startled out of his morse musings with the sound of frantically approaching footsteps. The mechanics hall door was violently slammed open to reveal a red-headed healer, her green eyes wide and tears drying on her freckled cheeks. Sirius eyed her warily, bracing for impact.
Lily took one look at him and burst out into fresh sobs. “Remus.”
No. Nononono.
Immediately he was suffocated by a flood of catastrophic thoughts, each one progressively worse, intrusive images of blank amber eyes and torn flesh, a body of freshly carved scars. Panic gripped his throat, accompanied by vehement self-loathing. It was his fault that Remus was hurt (or dead), his fault that the man had left the colony walls with danger looming along the colony perimeter. The goodness of Remus tarnished Black.
“Wha–?” He choked out a gasp and took a deep inhale, trying again.
He skillfully gathered all remnants of panic and forced them down, knowing that any emotion was not going to serve him. Not now. He collected all memories of quiet and soft moments, warm hands and tight embraces, feeling seen and known, amber eyes and a crooked grin. He locked those away, his mind devoid of any remaining attachment to the man.
Sirius settled into a detached state of indifference. “What happened?”
She muffled another sob with a hand and peered up at him desperately, shaking her head. “He–we dun know–.”
“Lily,” he demanded firmly. “Tell me what happened.” His voice offered a solid command, something to cling onto and she took it gratefully with a shaky inhale.
“I heard on Poppy’s radio, they were callin’ all the Leaders for an emergency meeting. Rem and another Watcher were supposed to check in yesterday and never did,” she rushed to explain. “They were at the southern perimeter. Caradoc said scouts were spotted.”
Sirius dissected her words, taking in the facts and ignoring any potential assumptions. “Leaders are still meeting now?” She nodded, worry still etched across her face. “Brilliant." He strode towards the door and breezed past her with one destination in mind.
“Where are you goin’?”
He looked over his shoulder at the distraught healer and cocked an eyebrow. “I have a meeting to attend, darling. ”
He marched across the colony centre quad towards the council hall and entered the front door. It was empty but he could hear a lull of voices from down the hallway leading towards the meeting room. However his determined trek was stalled for a moment when the door to the back room was inconveniently locked. Sirius sighed and took a few steps back before giving the door a solid kick, causing it to fly open on its hinges, exposing the stunned faces of the colony’s esteemed leaders. Sirius flashed a fake smile, all teeth, towards the Head Counsellor and gestured towards the doorway.
“Awfully sorry about that, the door was a bit stuck. Don’t mind me, you won’t even know I’m here.” He quietly walked into the room and settled against the back wall, as there was an inconsiderate lack of empty chairs.
“Mr. Black, this is a closed meeting for the council, I’m sure you understand.” Minerva fixed her piercing eyes on his but he stared back firmly, no longer unsettled by the woman.
“I assumed my invitation got lost somewhere amongst all the chaos.”
“Let the lad stay,” a gruff voice chimed in and Sirius turned to see a pale and stricken-faced Lyall Lupin sitting stiffly at the end of a table.
The Head Counsellor pursed her lips but turned her attention back to the man who apparently had the floor. “Continue, Alastor.”
Mad-Eye grunted and cleared his throat. “As I was sayin’, I reckon we focus on reinforcing the southern points of the outer wall first and then work our way ‘round towards the edges. We need to act quick and get things sealed up.”
Sirius gave a polite cough. All eyes swivelled back towards him.
“Mr. Black, I believe you mentioned that we would not know you were here?”
“Right, yes,” Sirius acknowledged Minerva’s pointed comment. “It’s just that I’m a bit confused, arriving late and all. I was wondering if I missed the part of the plan about getting Remus?”
“We’re not sendin’ more people to that colony to get picked off,” Mad-Eye barked. “We dun have the numbers for that. We’re reinforcing the barricades and hunkering down, preparing for an attack.”
Oh no. That simply would not do.
He sniffed. “So the plan is to leave one of your own in the hands of people who have severely harmed him in the past? Pardon if I fail to see the reasoning behind that.”
“That’s how things are done on Earth, boy. We’ve survived this long. It ain’t pretty, but survival here is doing what’s good for the group. Every Watcher knows what they signed up for.”
Sirius threw his causal attitude out the bloody window. He stood to his full height and squared his shoulders. “In all due respect, sir, I don’t care how you run things in your colony. The people under my protection are never left to fend for themselves.”
“I reckon you’ve forgotten your place here, Black.”
“It’s Commander Black, sir. And no, I don’t believe I have.”
Minerva cut in with a sharp retort. “Commander Black, you will kindly see your way out of this room. You are a visitor. We have offered you a safe place after an unfortunate situation and I ask that you give us respect in return.”
As Sirius was positive that nothing resembling respect was about to leave his mouth, he turned quickly on his heels and stalked out of the building.
Sirius was seething. His other emotions were still held firmly under lock and key, but anger he could use. He stormed towards the barracks and began packing a rucksack, cursing himself for not knowing how to drive a blasted rover or navigate his way across the unfamiliar planet. He would go south, by foot if he had to, and figure the rest out on the way. He slipped his reclaimed pistol into his jacket pocket and strapped the dagger Remus had reluctantly given him to his inner right forearm.
He thundered back down the stairs, rushing now to avoid running into any Leaders leaving the meeting, but slammed to a halt in the barracks den. The tall figure of Lyall Lupin was standing in the doorway and he scrutinised Sirius’ bag and assorted weapons.
Sirius met the man’s face, weathered from years spent in fields under the sun, with a determined stare. “I’m going to get him.”
Lyall nodded slowly. “Aye. I reckon I was hopin’ you were gunna say that.” The older man turned away with a grimace. “I would do it myself, but I’ve never been outside the walls, dun think I could do much out there. And I cannae risk leavin’ Hope with two losses instead of one.”
He turned back towards the celestial and reached into his trouser pocket, producing a set of keys. Sirius reached for them and tilted his head in question. “For a rover,” he explained gruffly. “Old ag rover we use in the fields, parked it out front. Bring our son back for us, lad. “
“I will.” The pair nodded at each other in understanding and Sirius began to leave towards the rover, figuring he’d have to learn to drive with sheer intuition, when Lyall stopped him with a warm hand on his shoulder.
“Sirius. I’m feckin’ thankful that he has you carin’ about him.”
No. He could not tap into the emotions that statement and grateful touch threatened to unleash. He fixed the older man with a flat expression and shook off his hand.
“I’m doing my job. This isn’t about care, Mr. Lupin. This is about duty.” He quickly averted his eyes from the man, not wanting to see the look that too closely resembled disappointment. “Thank you for the rover.” He left without another glance, knowing that Lyall looked too much like his son, a reminder that would do little to help him keep his collected state of mind.
He approached the old vehicle, large and a bit rougher around the edges compared to the one the young Watcher typically drove. He tossed in his bag and considered making a quick trip to the canteen to beg for some provisions. His thoughts were interrupted by a greeting from behind.
“When are we leavin’?”
Sirius spun around to see Benjy and Tonks standing with their own bags, fierce expressions etched in their faces. Zep stood a bit further behind them, looking down towards the ground and scuffing the gravel with his boots. Sirius felt his lips twitch with the hint of a smile. “‘We’?”
“We’re comin’ with you, feckin’ hell,” Tonks snapped and pointed at the young captain. “We care about Remus. And you dun even know how to drive.”
“And Zep knows where the southern colony is,” Benjy chimed in, using his thumb to point towards their lingering companion. “He’s from there. We took him in when he was a kid. But I reckon he can help us find Remus.”
Zep looked up at Benjy’s comment, and Sirius was shocked to see that the poor sod looked a mess. He had dark circles under his eyes and his usual spiked hair hung limp towards one side.
“Do I have’ta go back there?” Zep asked weakly.
Sirius couldn’t help seeing a younger version of himself reflected in the young Watcher. A false bravado brimming with confidence, the tough exterior used to hide an underlying fear of the place he was born and raised. But now was not the time for empathy.
“Yes,” Sirius said, leaving no room for argument. “Remus needs us, and you know the way. You’ll come with us.”
He instructed the trio to go gather enough rations for the trip and made a quick stop back towards the mechanic hall. Sirius peered into the room he had claimed as his own space, and spotted Lily sitting where he had left her, tears still shining on her face. She glanced up at his arrival and raised her eyebrows hopefully.
“I’m going to go get him. I’m taking some of the Pack with me.” Lily nodded vigorously.
“I’ll come with ya.”
“No.” Sirius raised a hand to pause her spirited argument. “You haven’t been outside the walls. You haven’t trained to use a weapon. I can’t risk having dead weight.”
She scowled fiercely, offended. “He’s my best friend, Sirius. I need to do something.”
“I know.” He knew. That feeling of being trapped without anything in his control. “But Remus would want you here safe.” He paused and glanced towards his comm device, the screen still dark. He gestured towards it with a nod. “But you could do something for me while I’m gone? I spoke with James. I'm waiting for him to get back to me with more information. It would be incredibly helpful if someone I trusted was here to receive his call, tell him where I’ve gone. I can’t bring it with me, I–I can’t afford any distractions.”
Lily had gasped upon hearing that he’d finally heard from his best mate and she nodded slowly with wide eyes. “I can do that.”
“Thank you, Lily.”
She grinned weakly. “Ya know, you haven’t given me any nicknames today.”
“I suppose you’ll have to wait for when I get back then.”
She nodded again and gestured towards the door. “Go get ‘im. I’ll keep this with me.” She picked up his comm device, handling it carefully, and Sirius allowed a quick surge of warmth to fill his chest, before pushing it back down and rushing back out the door. Bloody brilliant woman.
The rover was out front and running, the Pack members ready to go. Sirius heaved himself up into the passenger seat and glanced around the colony centre, grateful that the Leaders were still busy with their pitiful planning. Tonks sat in the driver seat, eyes fixed with determination on the road, and Benjy and Zep chatted quietly in the back. Zep still appeared withdrawn and hesitant, but like any of the Pack, he was trained to follow a direct order.
They passed through both colony barricades without any trouble and began their journey, taking a road to the southwest with quiet instruction from Zep. Under Sirius’ firm request, the young Watcher had provided information about the southern colony, describing how it was located within an old Earth city about four hours south of the perimeter border, with one main wall securing it from outside forces. Zep had been quick to explain that it had been over a decade since he was last there, and that he was unsure if anything had changed in that time. However, any information was better than going in blind.
By mid afternoon they were nearing the southern perimeter, the young Watchers growing more and more anxious with the proximity. Sirius suddenly zoned in on movement ahead. All attempts of keeping his emotions at bay were quickly shattered, walls blown to dust, at the sight of a tall Watcher hunched in pain, meandering along the road. A groan tore out of Sirius’ mouth and he launched himself out of the rover door, the vehicle still in motion. He distantly heard Tonks curse and the screech of brakes, but he fixated forward, running and stumbling over the uneven ground, desperate to reach the tawny-haired man.
“Remus,” he gasped, pulling up in front of the man, grasping the front of his shirt tightly. Tears pricked at the corners of his vision as he took in a swollen eye, a deep cut on his left eyebrow, raw burns on his exposed wrists. Remus held himself gingerly, his right arm hanging limp and awkward, his clothes dishevelled and dirty. He was sweating, despite the cool breeze, and his usual tan skin was pale.
“Need to find my rover,” the older Watcher mumbled, ignoring the celestial, and squinted around him in confusion, taking a few more steps forward. Sirius pushed gently against his chest to pause his movements. He heard the sound of approaching footsteps, the Pack members hurrying up to meet them. He glanced over his shoulder to see the trio staring with wide eyes.
“Remus what happened to you?” Benjy asked, gasping at the man’s haggard appearance.
“Gwen’s dead,” he muttered and swayed a bit, shaking his head. Sirius felt all the colour leave his face, his horrified expression echoed in the faces of the Pack. “Scouts,” Remus mumbled in explanation and attempted a few more steps forward. “Got taken to the southern colony, they let me go. Where’s my rover?”
Sirius and the Pack peered at each other in confusion, thrown off by the Watcher’s state.
“Come on, mush,” Tonks stepped in and placed a guiding hand on Remus’ shoulder, urging him towards their car in a soothing cadance. “Let’s get home, we can get the rover later. You’re a mess, eh?”
None of them were expecting Remus to take a sudden swing at the young Pack member. Tonks let out a cry and fell backward, clutching their temple where the older Watcher had landed a decent blow. Sirius was pushed in the commotion as well, stumbling back several steps. Zep and Benjy leapt forward and struggled to restrain the now agitated Watcher, Remus letting out a string of swears and putting up a fight against their holds.
“Remus!” Sirius jumped in and placed a reassuring hand on the Watcher’s face, trying to meet his amber eyes. He eventually caught the man’s gaze and he stilled, panting heavily.
“Sirius?”
“You absolute prick, I told you to stay safe and what did you go and do?” He took in the Watcher’s busted face with concern, running a gentle hand over the tender black-eye.
Remus let out a breathy laugh. “Headbutted some greasy git.”
“Of course you did,” Sirius couldn’t help the fond exasperation that seeped into his voice. “Let’s get in the rover, we’ll get you back home, alright?”
Remus nodded and Sirius supported the taller man back towards the parked vehicle. They clambered into the rover and Sirius settled into the back typically reserved for gear, guiding Remus alongside him. He impatiently snapped at Benjy to wet a flannel with a flask of water and once the requested rag was thrown his way he began to wipe at the gore coating the Watcher’s face. He frowned in confusion at a blooming rash across one of Remus’ cheeks and the sound of his harsh breathing that was becoming painfully obvious in the quiet interior of the rover.
Zep turned the vehicle on, prompting Remus to suddenly sit up and lunge for the side door. Sirius yelped in alarm and attempted to pull him back, struggling against the larger man’s strength. “Remus! Stop it!”
“Need to protect Sirius.” Amber eyes fixated on him with sudden intensity.
Sirius frowned. “I’m right here, you daft thing.”
He worriedly wiped at Remus’ brow, beads of sweat gathering along his hairline. Remus calmed a bit at his voice and sank back into his seat at the cool touch. His eyes rolled back for a moment, fluttering, before he slumped sideways to rest his head in the celestial’s lap. Sirius peered down at him in concern.
“Gotta keep ‘im safe.”
Remus might have been looking at him, but it was clear that he wasn’t fully aware of his surroundings. The man continued to ramble, his words turning into a series of indecipherable mumbles.
“I’m safe, darling.” He glanced up at the Pack members in the front seat. “There’s something wrong with him.”
“Might need water? Or maybe he hit his head?” Benjy chimed in with a nervous grimace. “We’ll take him to the health hall as soon as we’re back,” he vowed.
“Silver.”
Sirius snapped back to the Watcher laying in his lap. “What?”
A scarred hand reached up to brush the corner of his eye. “Ya look like starlight. ‘S pretty.”
Sirius ignored the snickers from the front seats and the rising blush on his cheeks and instead focused on brushing dishevelled curls off the Watcher’s forehead.
The ride back to the colony was without any challenges, however Sirius’ concern for his friend grew with every minute. Remus had drifted in and out of consciousness, fluctuating between moments of lucidity and complete disorientation. They’d managed to get him to drink some water, but it did little to help his condition.
They rolled up to the health hall in a flurry of movement, the Pack members fleeing the rover with cries for the Lead Healer. Sirius remained in the back, running his hands repeatedly through tawny-curls, the Watcher having fallen unconscious about 30 minutes ago. He spotted Poppy running in their direction, following the Pack, her eyes wide with concern. The back hatch was opened and she took one look at Remus and pressed her lips into a thin line.
“Carry him into the hall,” she barked an order towards the group. Sirius helped transfer Remus into the waiting arms of Zep and Benjy, and hopped out of the rover to quickly follow them into the health hall. He narrowed his focus, ignoring the bustle of activity, keeping the Watcher in his view. He distantly heard the Pack giving Poppy a detailed account of what they believed had happened, as well as the symptoms they had noticed on their drive.
A warm hand was placed on his shoulder and Sirius startled, not having noticed Lily’s arrival. “Poppy’s going to kick you out. Only family allowed in now,” she added sadly. He glanced up and saw the drawn faces of Hope and Lyall lingering in the doorway, the Pack members apparently long gone.
“I want to stay,” he whispered.
“I know.” Lily squeezed the hand on his shoulder, tears pooling in her eyes. “You got him. You did it. Now let me do my part, eh?”
He robotically exited the room, not hearing the quiet thanks offered by the Lupin parents. Sirius sunk against the wall in the hallway, the door fixed firmly in his vision. His hands shook as all the horror, panic, and relief slammed into him at full force. He wasn’t sure how long he sat there, long enough for his sobs to grow quiet and tears to dry in sticky tracks on his cheeks. He mouthed countless blessings towards the stars, thanking them for guiding him towards the man while also pleading for a full recovery.
“Sirius?” He blinked up and focused on Hope Lupin, the woman having left the healing room. She looked at him with concern and confusion. “Oh, hun. I didn’t realise you were still here.”
“How is he?” Sirius whispered.
She gave a grimace in return. “He’s not getting better. Won’t keep anything down.” She drew in a shaky breath. “But Poppy and Lily will know what to do.” She paused and regarded him with a sad smile. “Would you mind runnin’ to the barracks to get him some clean clothes? I was about to, but if you wouldn’t mind..”
“Of course,” Sirius jumped to his feet, grateful to have some type of instruction. “I’ll be right back.”
He rushed off towards the barracks and entered Remus’ room, after asking Atlas for directions. Sirius paused, taking in the man’s living space, seeing touches of his personality in the collection of found objects, worn jumpers, and a thick quilt likely painstakingly made by Hope herself. Sirius breathed in deeply, grounding himself on the scent of smoke and earth that lingered in the room. He dug through the dresser and pulled out a fresh pair of pants and trousers, a thin shirt, and opened another drawer to pick a jumper. Sirius took some time in choosing the softest one, hoping that the small gesture provided some relief for the man in the health hall. Before leaving he made a last minute grab for the quilt on the bed, and sprinted back towards the hall with his arms full of looted goods.
Panting slightly, he peered into the cracked doorway. Hope flashed a grateful smile and nodded, gesturing for him to come inside. Sirius entered the space and handed off the acquired items, taking the blanket and folding it, placing it at the feet of the unconscious man, thinking he could use it after changing into the new clothing.
Remus looked horrible. His lips were cracked and bleeding, and he shivered despite the sweat coating his skin, an inflamed rash still covering his cheek. One of his scarred hands lay limp against the bed and Sirius reached out to link his little finger with Remus’. He felt the presence of Lyall Lupin by his side, and he spoke quietly, still staring at their linked hands.
“I lied earlier. I do care.”
“I know, son.”
Sirius swallowed back another threat of tears, cursing his eyes for being inconveniently dramatic. “They don’t know what’s wrong.”
“Nuh. Not yet.”
Sirius frowned, frustrated beyond belief, his mind whirling with desperate solutions. He suddenly snapped up with a gasp and looked towards Poppy, who was mixing a tonic in the corner of the room. “My equipment works now. Because the blocker was destroyed. I have a bloody medikit.”
Sirius cursed his daft brain for not realising it sooner and darted off to grab his device and small case of emergency medicines. The portable medikit fit in the palm of his hand, with a small screen and needle used to collect a blood panel to assess injury. He powered on the machine and grabbed the unconscious Watcher’s hand, giving a prick to his middle finger. The blood was absorbed into the device and a puff of sealant was released to close up the wound on the fingertip. He waited for the report, shifting impatiently on his feet.
The Lupins and Poppy were watching with baffled intrigue and gave a collective jump when the medikit emitted a beep, signalling a completed analysis. Sirius peered at the screen and furrowed his brow.
“Acute toxicity, mercury exposure,” he read aloud. “Immediate treatment required, recommended course of action: chelating agents to reduce levels of heavy metals in the body. Administered through injection or tablet.” He looked up at his audience in complete bewilderment.
“How in Merlin’s name was he exposed to mercury, it’s a known poison!” He stomped over to his emergency supply, pulled out a package of tablets, and stomped back over to the poisoned bloke. He ripped open the packet and placed one in Remus’ mouth, letting it melt on his tongue. The celestial let out another huff, feeling a need to rant. “Honestly. Must be the bloody southern colony, living with poison. Absolutely primitive, it hardly works as a propellant. Daft bastards. ”
He scowled fiercely and blinked, realising that he hadn’t heard a word from the others in the room. Sirius arched an eyebrow in question at the collection of shocked expressions.
“Will he be alri’?” Hope whispered, glancing at her son and back at the celestial.
“Oh.” Sirius blinked again and nodded. “Yes, he’ll be alright. He needs to take another one of these in–” he looked down at the package in his hands. “ – four hours. If he still has symptoms then I’ll check his blood levels again.” He looked back up in shock when Hope suddenly burst into tears and wrapped him in a tight hug.
Sirius stiffened under the embrace and peered over her shoulder with a silent plea for help, but Lyall had buried his face in shaking hands and Poppy was fretting over her patient. He winced, realising that comforting the woman was in his own hands. He patted awkwardly against Hope’s back. “It’s alright, Mrs. Lupin.”
Miraculously his words seemed to be enough, because Hope pulled away with a sniffle and flashed a watery smile. “Oh, hun. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to unload it all on you. I’m just so thankful for what you’ve done.” He nodded back, still feeling fairly awkward, but flashed a genuine smile towards the older Lupin.
Poppy called for their attention and they turned towards the Lead Healer, seeing that she had her hands on her hips and a determined set to her face. “Hope, you’re gonna go get us all some food and tea, I reckon we need to remember to take care of ourselves. Lyall, you’ll go inform Minerva about what happened. But this boy will not be interrogated by Alastor tonight, make sure you let them know that,” she sniffed.
The Lupins nodded, apparently aware that arguing with the healer would be a pointless effort. Hope gave a final brush of Remus’ curls and planted a kiss on his forehead, muttering to him softly, before she stood to leave, her husband wrapping a supportive arm around her shoulder as they left the room.
Sirius glanced towards Poppy warily, preparing himself to get sent out of the room again. Which he would not do without a fight, thanks. Instead, the Lead Healer bustled around the room, preparing a basin with warm water and several cloths. “Pull the bed away from the wall, would you, hun?”
He blinked and stared at her, still utterly prepared to fight for his case to stay in the room. “What?”
She tutted and gestured towards the bed. “You’ll help me clean the lad up. I reckon his parents will feel better seeing him in clean clothes and not covered in grime. They’ve seen this poor boy go through enough,” she added quietly.
He hurried to comply, the bed scraping against the floorboards as he pulled it away from the wall as instructed, and Poppy placed the basin within reach. “Where’s Lily,” he asked softly. “Wouldn’t she be better to help with this?”
“I sent her to bed. She’ll be waking up early to check on him. You won’t hurt him, Sirius,” she added kindly. “Let’s get him washed up, eh?”
He nodded and followed direction to settle on one side of the bed, the healer on the other. He picked up a warm washcloth, rang out the excess water, and mirrored Poppy’s movements, starting on the Watcher’s left hand. The hand was limp, and Sirius felt a lump start to form in his throat as he began to scrub dirt from the nails. He swiped the cloth over callouses, formed over years of hard work, and cleaned a muscled forearm decorated in a network of scars.
He and Poppy worked together to remove the soiled shirt, and for the first time he saw the continuation of marks on the Watcher’s torso. They washed the man’s chest, and Sirius lingered a bit on a jagged scar along his left side, bite marks clearly visible in his flesh. Poppy guided him with gentle instruction, and Sirius found himself holding a limp Remus against his chest while Poppy made quick work of cleansing his back. He squeezed his eyes shut, remembering their first embrace under the stars. Only this time, instead of Remus being a strong body holding him together as he fell apart, Sirius was the one who was steady. Providing the man with care. He carefully lay Remus back down, supporting his head, chest aching with a fierce protective throb.
Sirius washed his face gently, combing his hands through damp curls, and trailed a finger across a scar that bisected the man’s face, beginning at the edge of his eyebrow and across the bridge of his nose. It was strange, Sirius thought, as they finished cleaning the Watcher and dressing him in fresh clothes, seeing the man so soft and vulnerable.
Poppy began cleaning up the used cloths and Sirius unfolded the quilt, tucking it in around the unconscious man carefully. He heard quiet conversation and glanced up to see Hope speaking with the healer, a tray of food balanced in her arms.
“He looks much better,” Hope acknowledged, approaching her son and taking in his refreshed appearance with relief. “Lyall has to be up early in the fields, he went back home but I was going to stay in the centre tonight.”
Sirius peered up at the woman’s exhausted appearance. “You should get some rest,” he suggested softly. “You can sleep in my barracks room if you’d like.” Poppy chimed in agreement, clearly liking his suggestion. Hope hesitated, torn. “I’ll stay up with him,” Sirius added. “I’ll need to give him a new dose in a few hours anyway.”
She relented, her fatigue winning over. “Alri’, I’ll be in the barracks. Please get me if anythin’ changes,” she demanded. Sirius nodded in agreement and she placed another kiss on Remus’ forehead, and then landed another on the top of Sirius’ own head. He blinked in surprise, but the woman had already started back out the door.
“You’ll be alri’, watchin’ him?” Sirius looked towards the healer. “I need to check in on my other patients but I’ll be here in the health hall.”
“I’ll be fine,” Sirius said firmly. He received a quick lecture on how he was supposed to get her immediately if the Watcher’s health showed any signs of decline. And then Sirius was left alone, the quiet sound of Remus’ breathing filling the room.
He settled into a chair and fixed his gaze on the sleeping man, thinking that he was quite alright being protective over him for a bit longer.
Notes:
Jamesjamesjames.
Thank you to my beta LittleBaguette for the bed bath idea! Using nursing knowledge for fandoms everywhere.
Is it truly a Wolfstar fanfic if there isn't a scene with Sirius fretting over Remus in a hospital wing?Also, just want to point out that I am not a medical professional so all medical topics/themes are written to the best of my ability with a big splash of creative license. Cheers <3
Chapter 18: Born To Be My Baby
Summary:
Remus wakes up in the health hall and has a moment of clarity.
Notes:
Lots of r/s interactions in this one! No TW, just fluff and plot. <3
I love these boys.
BIG chapter dropping on Saturday 5/20!!! Prepare yourselves!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
My heart beats like a drum (all night)
Flesh to flesh, one to one (and it's alright)
And I'll never let go cause
There's something I know deep inside
You were born to be my baby
And baby, I was made to be your man
-Bon Jovi "Born To Be My Baby" 1988
The first thing Remus noticed was pain. Christ, his body ached. He vaguely recalled how it felt to wake up after he was attacked by Fenrir, the hyper-awareness of his body while his mind battled to remain conscious, feeling slow and foggy. But Fenrir had already happened, he reminded himself, his mind latching onto that thought as a reassuring fact.
He tried to dredge up information to help explain his current situation, but his memories felt slippery, just out of reach. Remus brought his attention back to his body, as his brain was being rather uncooperative, and noticed warmth. Something draped across him, something else resting over his left hand providing comfort. He gave his fingers an experimental twitch and was pleased that the movement didn’t make the pain any worse.
“Remus?”
Oh he knew that voice. How could he ever forget that voice? He groaned softly and cracked open his eyes cautiously, worried that the ache in his skull would intensify from the movement. His vision was filled with wide silver eyes framed in dark lashes peering at him with rampant concern.
“Hullo, Starboy,” his voice sounded trashed, rough and raw. Those wide eyes pooled with tears at his greeting and Remus frowned, not wanting to see the man upset. He blinked, his own eyes feeling extremely heavy.
“Let me get you some water.”
The warmth in his left hand was suddenly gone, along with the celestial. He closed his eyes for a moment, and felt something cool touch his lips. Remus tilted his head up and took a few grateful sips, the water soothing his throat and waking his brain up enough to form coherent thoughts. The cup was pulled away and Remus turned his head to watch Sirius place it on a nearby table. The man looked exhausted, his hair a mess on one side, purple circles under his eyes. Remus looked past the celestial and realised he was in a healing room, back at the colony. Fragmented memories started to surface and he recalled two scouts, an ancient man, and a threat directed towards the dark-haired celestial in the room.
“How did I get here?” His voice sounded significantly better after the water.
Sirius settled back down next to him in a chair placed next to his bedside. Remus noticed a pillow on the armrest and felt a fondness fill his chest. The warmth in his hand returned and he glanced down to see Sirius covering his hand with his own.
“I travelled to get you with Tonks, Zep, and Benjy,” Sirius whispered. “We found you on the road near the perimeter, you were sick. Confused.” The man attempted to muffle a yawn and Remus frowned.
“You idiot.” The idiot raised his dark eyebrows and blinked sleepily. “I’m glad I was able to get away before you broke down their colony doors.”
Sirius let out a surprised laugh and Christ it sounded amazing. “I would have,” the celestial admitted. “I was going to.”
“I know.” He knew Sirius Black.
The celestial let out another yawn and jolted a bit in his seat. “Merlin, I should go get Poppy. And your parents. They’ll want to know you’re awake.”
Remus let out a groan and gripped the man’s hand tightly, preventing him from leaving. “Nuh. I’m tired, I dun want to talk to people yet. Let me sleep.”
Sirius hesitated and looked out the window, noting that it was still dark outside, and relented with a nod. “Alright,” he said kindly. “Get some more sleep, you stubborn bastard. We can save the talking for the morning.”
He let out a relieved sigh and sank back into the bed, but noticed that Sirius remained sitting in his chair. “How long have you been here? You need sleep too,” he scolded. “You look exhausted. Why dun you go get some rest and come back in the morning?”
“I don’t want to leave you,” the celestial muttered softly, peering down at him with pleading eyes. “And I offered my room to your mother. Please let me stay.”
Well fuck, as if Remus could argue against that. Instead he slid his body closer towards the wall, wincing a bit at the movement, and created space in the bed. “If you’re gonna stay then you gotta sleep, alri’?”
The young captain peered at Remus and the bed in confusion and tilted his head to the side in silent question. Remus merely nodded back and the man hesitated before leaning down to untie his boots. Remus closed his eyes and settled back on his pillow, feeling exhaustion weighing heavily in his bones. He felt the bed dip slightly and a cool draft as the blanket was lifted, before a warm body was pressed against his side. The last thing he heard was a quiet “ I’m glad you’re safe, Remus,” before he drifted back to sleep.
Waking up the second time around was much easier. Remus immediately felt much more alert, the pain in his body having faded to a dull ache. Soft hair brushed his face and he opened his eyes to a sleeping Sirius resting against his chest, letting out quiet snores. The room was a lot brighter, sunlight streaming in through the window.
It was then that he was struck with overwhelming clarity when he absorbed the sight of long black hair in his face and mouth, felt the slight dampness of drool on his chest, the comforting warmth of the soft man against him. Clarity that he wouldn’t change anything about that moment for the world.
For fucksake. I love this man.
The weight of that statement was lessened by the admittance that it was something he had known for some time now, deep down. A relief to finally name the feeling that filled his chest. He knew it was honest to god love because it was a feeling that didn’t require any action or expectation. He was allowed to love Sirius without needing anything in return.
He was sure it was bound to hurt at some point. The irony that the first person he loved was a celestial that had crashed to the earth in a flurry of fire and smoke, soon to return back to the stars. But Remus chose instead to enjoy the moment, tightening his hold around the sleeping man, brushing dark locks out of his face, feeling so incredibly selfish and thankful all at once. He’d accept the pain that came with it.
The door creaked open and Remus turned his head to spy his dear friend slipping into the room. Their eyes met and Lily let out a gasp, a smile breaking out across her face.
“Remus!” She paused and became quiet, seeing the sleeping celestial against his chest. She raised an eyebrow in question.
“It’s alri’, sleeps like the dead this one,” Remus replied at a normal volume. He adjusted his pillow and sat up in bed, manoeuvring the slumbering spaceman to rest further down on his stomach.
She gave him and Sirius another curious look but walked further into the room, taking a seat in the chair the celestial had abandoned. “You look less shit, how are you feelin’?”
He laughed at her bedside manner. “Sore. Confused. What happened? I remember bein’ in the southern colony and them lettin’ me go. Sirius said he found me with some of the Pack.”
His friend frowned. “The leaders met after you and Gwen missed a check in. Caradoc told Moody that there were scouts spotted. They assumed you’d been captured.” Remus nodded, knowing that the colony would’ve likely began preparing for an attack. “But Sirius,” Lily looked down at his sleeping form with fondness. “Well he caused quite the scene I reckon. Your da gave him the ag rover and some of the Pack joined to go rescue ya.”
He shook his head in disbelief. “Idiots.”
“Aye,” Lily agreed with a twinkle in her eyes. “Feckin’ glad we had those idiots around. You were real sick, Rem. Poppy and I couldn’t heal you. Sirius tested you with some space device and saved you, gave ya meds.”
He tightened his hold around Sirius in surprise. The man gave a sleepy snuffle and buried closer against him, letting out another snore. “He healed me?”
“Aye. I dun fully understand, but somethin’ about exposure to poison.”
Remus frowned, thinking back to his time in the southern colony walls. He hadn’t eaten or had anything to drink during his time there. He remembered the sick appearances of the scouts, the scent that permeated the air. He had a troubling thought that he wasn’t the only lad suffering from whatever poison he’d been exposed to.
“Do ya need anythin’, Rem?”
He blinked and focused back in on the healer at his bedside. “A cuppa would be feckin’ great. Don’t suppose you’d agree to a smoke, eh?”
She snorted and shook her head. “I’ll get ya some tea and food, how bout that?”
“Ta, Lils.”
She planted a big kiss against his head and he flashed her a grin, before she turned to head towards the canteen. “Reckon I should bring somethin’ for your lap dog too, eh?”
He sighed at her teasing and nodded, the healer leaving with a bright trill of laughter. Remus focused in on a near impossible task. He gave the celestial’s shoulder a gentle shake. “Sirius? Lil’s bringin’ us breakfast.”
He was given a sleepy mumble and another snore in return. Remus gave another shake, this time a bit rougher.
“Lemme alone, Reggie—go play by yourself,” Sirius slurred and attempted to roll over.
“Who’s Reggie?” Sirius cracked open one grey eye and sat up suddenly, ripping the quilt back with him. Remus gave a cry of dismay and reached for the blanket, tucking it back around himself to ward off the chill. The celestial was left sitting up in bed blinking in a state of clear confusion. Remus grinned. “Mornin’, Starboy.”
The dark-haired man let out a loud yawn and gave a big stretch, before blearily peering up at him. His eyes widened a bit when he realised his position in the Watcher’s bed.
“Oh ‘m sorry,” the celestial mumbled
“It’s alri’, spaceman. You kept me warm,” Remus replied softly with a smile. Sirius remained quiet, blinking heavily with unfocused eyes. Remus shook with silent laughter. “How are you a captain if you cannae wake up? What does your ship do if they need ya for somethin’?”
He scowled, looking horribly gorgeous in his bed ruffled state. “Well we have coffee in space, don’t we?” he snapped.
Remus grinned harder. “What’s coffee?” he asked innocently.
Sirius huffed loudly and pulled his hair roughly back into a knot, still scowling. “It’s heaven. Liquid gold, that’s what it is. Let me tell you, one sip and you feel your soul warming, ascending.” The man ranted and pointed towards Remus. “Life changing. Without it the world is cold. Bleak.”
“Like tea then?”
Sirius sputtered. “Merlin, no. Not like bloody tea. You can drink your leaf water, cheers.” Remus let out a loud laugh, his chest feeling incredibly light. The sound of his laughter settled the celestial, his rant having clearly woken him up, a light flush across his cheeks. “Tea,” the celestial muttered and narrowed his eyes, giving a fake shudder.
“I’ve seen you drink plenty of tea, ya know.” Remus shook his head fondly.
Sirius scoffed and waved his hand dismissively, settling back against the wall, legs sprawled across Remus’ and dangling over the edge of the bed. “You can’t compare it to coffee. Merlin, Remus.” Sirius let out a loud sigh and Remus was then the blessed recipient of one of his smiles, soft and fond. “You look much better this morning. You're all snarky. I’m glad.”
“I feel better. Have I called you an idiot yet?”
“Mhm,” Sirius affirmed, his eyes sparkling with mirth.
“Right. Well then, I reckon I should also say thanks. For savin’ me.”
The celestial settled into a more serious expression. “Of course. I’d do it again.” The man looked down and fiddled with his hands, suddenly appearing unusually insecure. “It was my fault you were in danger anyway,” he muttered quietly.
“Nuh.” Remus shot that down quickly. Sirius would not be shouldering blame. “You cannae take responsibility for what those mad assholes did. They made a choice, eh?” Sirius peered up at him through thick lashes, looking unbearably young, but nodded. Remus softened and jostled the man with his leg. “You saved me. Lils said I was poisoned. I dun understand how.”
Sirius furrowed his brow and nodded again. “Mercury. You had high exposure to it, can be through vapour or ingested through droplets. Could be from some organic source but it also used to be used in machines. It was quickly discontinued in space because of how harmful it is, and frankly utterly inefficient.”
Remus thought back to the chaotic mess of space materials that littered the colony. “They were all really sick. They thought the Earth was killing them.”
Sirius tilted his head to the side in thought. “Well, they aren’t wrong. If they’ve been exposed to it for extended time it could lead to chronic illnesses, rashes. Even madness. Eventually death.”
That was a sobering thought.
They were interrupted by a soft knock and a red-head entering the room with a tempting tray of breakfast. “Bore da, Sleepin’ Beauty,” she crooned towards the now vertical celestial.
Sirius let out a happy trill. “Lilybud, a pleasure, as always.” Remus sat up and pulled his legs out from under the man and settled next to him against the wall to face their new arrival.
He dug into his breakfast, suddenly ravenous, and listened to the casual back and forth between his companions. Remus took a hearty gulp of tea, thoroughly enjoying his leaf water, when a statement from Lily made him choke.
“You spoke with James?”
Sirius perked up, nibbling on a slice of toast. “Bollocks, I forgot to mention! I made contact with the Patronus! What did he say?” He directed the question towards the healer.
Lily, a flush across her cheeks, ducked her head down. “Well I told ‘im you’d call after Rem was feelin’ better. He wanted to save the info he got for you, but he was real kind. Wanted to know about Earth.”
Remus looked back and forth between the celestial and his friend. “So, are they landin’ soon? Gonna pick you up?”
Sirius shook his head and spoke around a large mouthful of eggs. “Not yet, there’s some er–delays onboard.” Remus tried to ignore the surge of relief that swept through him. “I should probably update Mad-Eye and Minnie, let them know what I’ve learned. I’ll go with you when you give your report, they aren’t too happy with me at the moment.” He added the last part with a smirk. The man hurried to finish his plate and jumped up from the bed. “I’ll go give Prongs a call, don’t go off to see them without me,” he warned before dashing off.
Remus warily turned towards Lily and narrowed his eyes at her cocky grin.
“Have a nice cwtch last night?” she asked innocently.
He huffed. “The lad was tired. He wouldn’t go back to his room, so I made him sleep here. We weren’t cuddling, he turns into the most clingy human possible when unconscious.”
His friend hummed knowingly. “He was worried about you. Didn’t want to leave your side.” She reached out to turn Remus’ face towards her, denying his chance of avoidance. “He really cares about ya, Rem.”
“I know.”
“He’s lovely.”
“I know that too.”
She rolled her eyes, giving a fairly good Lupin Impression. “You’re both idiots.”
He huffed in annoyance. Remus didn’t want to disclose all the underlying thoughts and feelings that came with his realisation that he’d made that morning. The truth was that Sirius would be leaving soon, so any chance of following through with something more felt insignificant, something to add more pain to a wound that was already bound to occur. So instead he would allow himself to feel and enjoy the time he had. Action was not necessary.
Remus was eventually released from the health hall, and he made his way back to the barracks to freshen up before seeking out Sirius, knowing they needed to meet with the Leaders at some point. He sought out his dear mum, finding her tidying up the celestial’s room, and received a near back-breaking hug from the woman. After receiving a fierce scolding and comforting her through a flood of tears, Remus directed her out of the bedroom under firm reprimand that Sirius could fold his own sweaters, as well as vowing to join her for an afternoon tea.
Remus was admittedly tired. He felt the strain on his body, despite feeling like he’d done very little to warrant any fatigue. He sprawled out in the barracks den, figuring that a quick kip might be needed before he entered the onslaught of Mad-Eye’s interrogation. He sent off a radio call towards the senior Watcher for the requested meeting and arranged his long limbs on the small sofa.
After a period of time he woke up with a start, someone in the processing of moving his legs. Remus glanced down and saw Sirius attempting to wiggle underneath him to sit on the sofa near his feet.
“What in the name of Christ are you doin?”
Sirius blinked up in surprise and looked back down at the legs now securely in his lap, as if surprised that his aggressive actions had woken the man. He tilted his head to the side in question, the pretty fucker. “I was going to wait for you to wake up so we could go see the Leaders together.”
“Consider me awake,” Remus grumbled and sat up, taking a glance out the window. Thankfully it was still around midday. “We’re invited to tea, with ma, this afternoon. She’s bringing scones.”
The lack of response from the celestial was unexpected. Remus turned to study him fully and noticed the tightness of his jaw, the stiff set to his shoulders. “What’s wrong?”
Sirius grimaced and fiddled with a loose thread, one of Remus’ own sweaters draping over his slender frame. “I spoke with James. He was able to make contact with someone I know within the government. I’ve been labelled as a deserter.”
The man was clearly troubled, however Remus didn’t quite understand why.
He sat up and shifted down to sit next to the celestial, uncertain how to offer comfort, but wanting to be close. His proximity was apparently appreciated, as Sirius immediately leaned into his side.
“Sorry, can ya tell me what that means?”
Sirius barked out a laugh devoid of any humour. “It means the empire considers me a traitor.”
“What?”
Sirius sighed and rested his head against Remus’ shoulder. “There’s something big happening. James and I are trying to get it figured out.”
“I’ll help anyway that I can,” Remus promised. “Let’s go talk to Mad-Eye.”
Sirius heaved another sigh but jumped to his feet, turning to offer a hand towards the Watcher still lounging on the sofa. Remus looked at the hand and cocked an eyebrow before taking it, allowing the celestial to help him up with surprising strength.
“You’re gettin’ a hang of this whole 'earthly touch' thing,” he noted, thinking about all the recent casual touches the man had initiated.
Sirius scoffed but he saw a playful smile beginning to form on his face as they began their short trip towards the council hall. “I’ve been practising.”
Remus rolled his eyes and Sirius took it as an invitation to dive into more dramatics. “Truly! Your dear mother, for instance.” The man raised an eyebrow and gave a side-eye, making sure that he had Remus’ full attention. Which he did of course. “She not only kissed me on the head, but she also hugged me. Whilst sobbing.” Sirius shook his head in disbelief. “Remus. If you weren’t unconscious the sight would have knocked you right out. I had no bloody idea what I was doing.”
Remus shook with barely suppressed amusement, tears forming in his eyes at his futile attempts to hold back his laughter. “Oh?” he croaked out.
Sirius groaned, clearly loving the impact his tale was having on the man. “Honestly! I was stiff as a board, and I patted her on the back. ” Remus let out a snort. “I practically told her ‘There there. Don’t cry’.” Remus couldn’t contain it any longer and let out a loud burst of laughter that echoed around the quad. Sirius fixed him with a smug smile, a bit of a swagger added to his steps. “Anyway,” he sniffed. “It’s a learning process and all.”
“Mhm.” Remus eyed the celestial, surfing on endless waves of adoration. Sirius caught his glance and his smug smile softened into his grin, equally adoring.
Christ, he loved this man.
They arrived at the hall and stomped in, two men on a mission. Mad-Eye gave an annoyed grunt when he spotted Remus’ shadow.
“What’s your celestial doing here.”
Remus rolled his eyes at the tone. “He’s here to debrief, same as me, ya old git.”
The Lead Watcher gave an impressive ‘humph’ but beckoned them both towards the back office where Minvera spent the majority of her time. “Glad to see ya safe, lad.”
Coming from Mad-Eye, it was basically a declaration of undying love. “Aye, glad to be back.”
Remus gratefully sank into a chair, still unusually tired, and took a deep breath in preparation of recounting his capture. He told the Lead Watcher, Head Counsellor, and Sirius the description of the southern colony, the lead up to dear Gwen's death, the mad claims of the leader, and their request that the celestial help craft a ship for their travel into space. Sirius chimed in his own theory that the colony was suffering from long-term effects of mercury exposure, giving a description of symptoms. Remus ended his report with the parting promise he had given the Overseer.
“He gave me two weeks to convince Sirius to help them. If we dun hand him over, then they threaten to attack.” Mad-Eye muttered darkly under his breath about wanting to ‘see them try’ but Remus hesitated, one final fact necessary to disclose.
“The Overseer said he had sources,” he added reluctantly. “He knew my parents’ names. And Lily. And he knew that Sirius and I were close.” He flushed a bit and pointedly ignored glancing in the celestial’s direction.
“Could they have tapped the radios here?” Sirius demanded, brow furrowed in thought.
“It’s possible,” Minerva conceded, her face also pinched in concern. “Also possible that there’s an inside source.”
The group sat in silence for a moment, disturbed at the news. Sirius suddenly let out a loud swear and kicked the desk in anger. “Bloody spies everywhere!”
Remus felt his eyebrows raise in confusion, seeing his expression mirrored in Minerva and Mad-Eye.
Sirius scowled. “I learned that there’s likely a spy on the Patronus,” he said stiffly. “I made contact with my second in command. He believes my crash was intentional, an attempt to get rid of me.”
“Will your crew be landing here soon?” Minerva questioned, locked in on the celestial.
Sirius shook his head. “No. Not yet. Part of the reason we believe there’s a spy is due to the fact that the landing gear malfunctioned shortly after they managed to destroy the signal blocker.”
“And you learned that the empire is saying that you’re a traitor,” Remus added.
Sirius sighed and nodded. “James and I will try and get it sorted. Ideally he can get the landing gear fixed and land somewhere nearby with your permission,” he gestured towards Minerva. “We have an inside source in the government that’s helping provide some answers.”
“Is your source someone we can trust?” Mad-Eye barked out the question, the weight of inside betrayal still heavy in the room.
Sirius hesitated, flashed a quick glance towards Remus, before looking back towards the Lead Watcher. “Yes and no,” he relented with a shrug. “Yes, because he wouldn’t want to see me hurt. No, because he’s an excellent politician. Knows how to craft his words carefully and speak in partial truths. Luckily I happen to be very good at translating what he says.”
The group remained silent, not thoroughly convinced. “We’re loyal to each other,” the celestial added sharply. “He’s my little brother.”
“I didn’t know you had a brother.” Remus couldn’t help the bewilderment that entered his voice, along with the slight pang of betrayal.
“An heir and a spare,” Sirius intoned dryly. “I told you that the Sacred 28 were granted an exception to the rule.”
That’s right.
Remus had conveniently forgotten that their resident celestial was space royalty.
“We’ll find a good location for your ship and crew to land,” the Head Counsellor addressed Sirius firmly. He nodded in thanks but waved a hand back towards Remus.
“What do we do about the southern colony? Less than two weeks until I’m supposed to waltz over there and build a bloody ship. Which I have no idea how to do,” he added quickly.
“We prepare for a fight. And sniff out some rats,” Mad-Eye declared, sticking to his strength of keeping things simple.
Finding spies was easier said than done.
The next few days were spent with endless debate. Remus had the pleasure of speaking with James for the first time, delighting in the banter that emerged between the captain and second in command. James had gone off on a long-winded monologue about the wonders of Remus Lupin, as apparently described by his best mate, leaving Sirius to turn an impressive shade of scarlet and threaten to cease all communication with the Patronus. The acting captain was loud and boisterous, quick to speak his mind and equally quick to call Sirius out on areas they disagreed. Remus could clearly see how they worked together in space, James acting as a sounding board and voice of reason.
The one point of contention was Sirius’ request to have someone named Marlene join their meetings. James was adamant that if anyone could have meddled with the landing gear, it would have been their Chief Engineer. Sirius was equally adamant that he trusted the woman with his life and would ‘cut off a hand’ if she turned out to be the traitor. Being captain, Sirius eventually won and their transmission soon had the addition of a feminine voice threatening dire harm towards the captain as soon as she saw him in person for causing her so much stress.
Marlene had vowed to get the landing gear sorted and they switched towards the troubling fact that there was an inside source within the colony walls feeding information to their enemies down south. Sirius had set up a signal emitting from the Watch tower satellite to scramble their radio feeds, just in case that was the source of the leak. The colony bustled with preparations for a fight, reinforcing barricades and teaching non-Watchers how to use a variety of weapons.
In the time spent with Sirius, puzzling over plans and possible solutions, Remus was also faced with an uncomfortable reality. The problem came from being in love with a friend. It was incredibly difficult to keep it from being written across his face, and Remus found himself second-guessing all of his actions. He began filtering glances, withholding touches, worried about crossing the fine line between friend and more.
Which was incredibly difficult given how touchy Sirius had become since Remus had been rescued. The man was glued to his side, leaning a head against his shoulder, reaching out a hand for a reassuring touch, sprawling his legs in his lap.
And Remus enjoyed it. Every causal touch brought his heart leaping in his chest, warmth spreading from places of contact. And he felt so incredibly guilty. Was it wrong to savour those touches when the celestial had no fucking idea that it meant so much more? He knew that he needed to control the lingering glances he made on plush lips, pale slivers of skin from a hitched up shirt. If he could manage it, then clearly there was no harm.
So he became more guarded, pulling back slightly, just enough to monitor the way he acted around Sirius. He focused on the tasks at hand and tried to ignore the hurt and confused expressions that came his way when he’d lean out of a too-long embrace.
He could do this, he reminded himself. He could love without needing to act on it.
Notes:
Remus For Fucksake I Love This Man Lupin. (!!!)
So many things to say. Ah. My heart is warm.
And yes I take Sirius' side in the coffee/tea debate. (Makes sense, considering I wrote it.)
Please leave your reactions in the comments, if you screamed I want to know.Cheers!
Chapter 19: In These Arms
Summary:
Sirius connects the dots.
Notes:
AH. The big chapter, as promised. Cute when I thought my 5k chapter was long.
My beta hasn't read this yet either, she also had to wait for it to be posted. So check her live reaction in the comments and my apologies for any errors!
No TW, just fluff on fluff and a smidge of plot
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I'd die to have you in these arms tonight.
Baby I want you like the roses want the rain,
You know I need you like a poet needs the pain.
And I would give anything. My blood, my love, my life.
If you were in these arms tonight.
-Bon Jovi “In These Arms” 1992
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Location: Earth Colony, Destination Barracks Hall
Sirius stomped through a puddle and scowled, unable to appreciate the steady downpour of rain due to the heavy onslaught of thoughts spiralling in his mind. Which was a pity. An absolute pity. One might make an assumption that the celestial was unable to enjoy the splendours of Earth’s weather due to the troubling situation onboard the Patronus. Or perhaps it was the pressing threat of violence from the south. While both good assumptions, they would be sadly incorrect. In the midst of all the chaos, there was one specific problem that kept rearing its ugly head. An annoying thought that wouldn’t stay quiet.
Something was bothering Remus Lupin.
Sirius had thought they’d gotten past the guardedness and switched towards leaning heavily into transparency, but following Remus’ capture he’d become more reserved. Sirius initially thought the bloke was tired and recovering from his illness, but as his health improved it seemed the guardedness increased along with it.
Sirius had tested this theory over several days, knowing that his brilliant mind and inclination for dramatics could easily lead to misinterpreting things. But after several intentional moments the evidence was sound, a final conclusion made. Remus was pulling away.
It wasn’t like last time, where he’d ignored the celestial at all costs, acting cold and indifferent. It was more subtle. Sneaky bastard. The Watcher had started withdrawing from casual touches, sitting next to Lily in the canteen rather than Sirius, leaving space between them while they sat in the barracks den. Bright laughter and fond gazes were cut a bit short. Of course, there were bound to be some lasting impacts from the recent capture in the southern colony, Sirius knew that. But he wished his friend would talk to him about it.
What an absolutely frustrating man. He debated over cornering the poor sod and demanding answers, but an underlying fear prevented Sirius from taking any immediate action. Fear that perhaps Remus had finally realised that the true Sirius Black wasn’t worth knowing.
Thankfully there were plenty of distractions. His days were jam packed with activity, the colony preparing for attack and the Patronus making quick repairs. Sirius delighted in the daily chats with James and Marlene via transmission and used his spare time to support Mad-Eye and the other Watchers, putting his years of military training to good use. He’d managed to get back under the senior Watcher’s good graces, the old man grudgingly impressed by the knowledge he was able to provide. His current mission was to help craft a training schedule for those who wanted to learn how to fight, with handheld weapons as well as guns, including education on space weaponry.
He and Remus had decided to work together that evening and Sirius made his way towards the Watcher’s room. He peered through his rain soaked hair into the bedroom and saw the taller man already there, lounging on his bed deep in thought.
“Cheers, mate,” he called out in greeting, letting himself in. Remus looked up with a smile and nodded towards the bed in invitation. Sirius shrugged off his drenched coat, kicked off his boots, and helped himself to a dry jumper from the man’s dresser. The wool was warm and smelled strongly of smokey earth, and he rolled up the long sleeves with a content hum. He arranged himself carefully next to Remus, as not to mess up stacks of papers littered across the bed, and looked around the room. It was a bit more cluttered than the first time he had visited when he’d rushed in to gather clothing. They were sitting on the familiar quilt, the bed made to give space for their planning, but various clothes lay strewn about, empty tea cups on the nightstand, and a half packed rucksack spilled onto the floor. He grinned towards his companion.
“Bit messy, are we?”
Remus huffed a signature huff and muttered a quiet ‘feck off’ which caused Sirius’ grin to grow. He leaned into the man’s side with a playful nudge and peered over his shoulder at the paper in his hand. “What have we here?”
Remus pulled away under pretence of gathering more papers for reference, but Sirius couldn’t help but frown when a noticeable gap was left between the two men when he settled back against the wall.
“Here’s a list of folks who want training, another list of the weapons we have in the colony armoury, and this is the training schedule that we used in the Pack while we trained for Watch over three years. I reckon we could adapt it?”
His eyes widened at the long list. “Merlin, a lot of people want to learn how to fight.”
Remus let out a proud laugh. “Us Earthlings aren’t scared of a scrum,” he admitted fondly.
Sirius hummed in thought, reading through the information the Watcher had provided. “Let me add what possible space weapons the southerners might have, so we can teach how to best navigate them if needed.”
He was offered a graphite stick and scrap to write on and he scribbled down a list, racking his brain for useful information. Remus chirped about his awful penmanship and Sirius scowled, haughtily arguing that the majority of writing in space was digital, thanks. Remus let out a snort and Sirius warmed at the familiar banter.
He looked down at his list and frowned, feeling that he was missing something important. He glanced towards the Watcher to float a quick question and startled a bit when he saw that he was already being watched. Remus’ eyes were fixated on the celestial’s mouth, calling attention to how he was gnawing on his lower lip in thought. He quickly released the poor thing from its trap, sending a mental apology to his abused body part.
And Remus was still staring at his mouth.
“Remus?” He questioned quietly, not wanting to spook the man. He caught Sirius’ gaze and looked away quickly, a flush crawling up his neck and over his cheeks.
“What.”
“Remus.” He said the name again, more firm. “What’s wrong?” The man sent him a baffled look and Sirius tutted, crossing his arms.
“Nothin’s wrong.” Amber eyes flickered over to him, a guarded expression schooling the Watcher’s features.
“Don’t do that,” Sirius chided softly.
His words caused Remus to stiffen further and his mouth pulled into a frown. “Dun do what .”
Oh what a stubborn, snarky man. Apparently they were going to have this conversation now. Brilliant.
“Don’t hide yourself from me,” he pleaded quietly. Remus swallowed and hunched his shoulders, shrinking in on himself.
“I‘m not.”
Sirius barked a laugh and reached out to brush Remus’ arm, a lingering touch. “You are, you have been. You shut yourself up behind walls and I’m not sure how to lure you back out,” he joked. Remus turned towards him with wide eyes and a silent plea for him to shut up. “You’ve been pulling away. If something’s wrong I want you to tell me. We’re friends, right?”
Remus let out a loud sigh and deflated against the wall. “Aye. We’re friends.” He looked down at his lap and tugged on a loose thread in the quilt.
Sirius hesitated but took a big breath, figuring if he was requesting honesty he needed to offer the same in return, regardless of not wanting to hear the truth. “Is—do you blame me for what happened to you? In the southern colony? It’s alright if you do.”
Remus whipped his head to the side and stared at him in disbelief. “What? Feckin’ Christ. No. Of course not.”
Sirius shook his head, thoroughly confused. “Then what is it? Trust me, please.”
The resulting silence was deafening.
“I trust you,” Sirius added. “All parts of me, you said that you’d like me however. Let me do the same for you.” Remus screwed his face up in pain at his words, his fists clenching tightly against his thighs. “Let me in,” Sirius whispered.
That seemed to be the key to the Walls of Remus Lupin.
His eyes flew open and he looked at Sirius with such an intense gaze that the celestial found his breath whooshing out, his stomach giving a painful swoop.
“Oh hi,” Sirius whispered. “There you are.” Remus laughed brokenly, still looking at him with such feeling. “Why’d you pull away?”
His friend pulled in a shuddering breath and let out a shaking exhale. “I—Sirius.” He felt a thrill at his name spoken with such fondness, the deep voice wrapping around the syllables, rarely uttered by the Watcher. “I’m scared.” The tall, brave man admitted.
“Scared of what? Me?”
“Aye.” Remus laughed and buried his face in his hands. “Scared you won’t like what I think. Scared of what you make me feel.” The last part was tagged on quietly but Sirius heard it just as clearly.
“What do you feel?” The question was heavy. It seemed to settle in the air, hanging around them unanswered.
“I feel a lot of things when I’m with you, Sirius Black.”
He frowned, thinking back to finally being seen for the first time in his life. The way that Remus had pulled the most authentic parts of himself forward into the light and said with a spotlight ‘See? You’re good. I know you'. The all encompassing horror that came along with it.
“It’s terrifying being known,” Sirius admitted, acknowledging what Remus had left unsaid. “But I think maybe it’s worth it. Why’d you pull away tonight?”
“Please stop asking that.”
“Remus,” he groaned, feeling quite frustrated now.
Sirius decided to lean into his new found knowledge of physical touch, hoping that was a language better understood by his infuriating companion. He sat forward on his knees and leaned forward to cup his hand against a scarred face, cradling the man’s cheek in a similar position that he had once been on the receiving end during a fit of panic. He remembered how Remus stroked his thumb across his skin and copied the movement in a manner that he hoped was soothing.
He was surprised at the almost instantaneous guard that went up behind Remus’ eyes, complete with stiffened posture and a clenched jaw.
“Oh,” Sirius breathed softly and removed his touch, feeling a bit embarrassed and significantly awkward. He averted his gaze from Remus and fell back on his heels, studying the wall next to them. “I’m sorry. I thought that would help.” His words sounded stiff even to his own ears.
A pained noise seemed to escape Remus outside of his control and suddenly his large hands were the ones cradling Sirius’s face, coarse but warm and so protective. His touch guided Sirius to face him again and he peered up at Remus feeling hurt and horribly vulnerable.
Remus gave another pained sound at his expression. “It’s been difficult bein’ close to you,” the Watcher admitted, brushing a lock of hair behind Sirius’ ear.
The idea of being difficult, the cause of this man's distress, was almost too much. Sirius sent out a prayer to suddenly sink through the floor and disappear, to never have to face Remus again. But his face was still being held in scarred hands, so he whispered a truly daunting question instead of fleeing in a fit of panic. "Why?"
“Because I dun want to stop.”
Sirius released a relieved breath and leaned into the man's touch, bringing his own hands up to circle Remus’ wrists to keep them in place. “Me either,” he sighed happily. “You don’t have to stop. Let me be close to you, please.”
“Sirius. I think those words mean somethin’ different to you. Different than what I mean.”
He furrowed his brow in confusion, his hands still refusing to let Remus pull away. “I don’t understand.”
“I know.” Remus gave him a pained smile and his eyes followed the path his calloused thumb was making on porcelain skin.
Sirius licked his lips, his mind whirling to try and make sense of the enigma before him. And Remus, his gaze flicked to his mouth at the movement, again, a flush on his cheeks, a tightened jaw, and a quick glance away.
Sirius brought a hand up to his lips, curious as to what was so captivating for the man, and lightly trailed a finger over his mouth. A warmth spread in his stomach with dawning understanding.
“Oh,” he breathed, feeling the ghost of his breath across his own fingertips. “You— oh.”
Remus quickly dropped his grip, ripping his wrist out of the celestial’s hold, and spun away. He uttered a long string of curses but Sirius was too far gone to absorb any of the words.
I feel a lot of things when I’m with you, Sirius Black.
He gave an intrigued prod towards the warmth filling his stomach and the rapidly increasing rate of his heart in his chest. Oh.
It was easy then, after his moment of enlightenment.
He surged forward, the movement sending him sprawling into Remus’s lap, and buried his face into the crook of a warm neck. The smell of home filled his senses and he gasped, scrambling for purchase, clinging tightly to the man frozen to stone underneath him. “The words mean the same to me,” Sirius choked out.
Strong arms suddenly wrapped around him, grounding and steady, securing him in place. His knees settled comfortably on either side of Remus’ lap. He pulled back to look at amber eyes, staring up at him in disbelief and hope.
“Sirius,” Remus warned, his voice sounding strangled.
“Kiss me,” Sirius breathed.
Remus flicked his eyes back down to his mouth but hesitated and gave a worried shake of his head. “You dun have to do this for me,” he pleaded and Sirius was painfully aware that the man was shaking underneath him.
“Kiss me,” Sirius begged.
Apparently not even Remus Lupin could resist his pleas.
Warm lips found his own quickly, unbearably soft and gentle. A gasp escaped his mouth and he leaned in to the touch, his lower lip slotting perfectly between those against his. He whined quietly when Remus pulled away, cool air against his mouth, and he opened his eyes to see Remus looking at him with unfiltered reverence.
Remus placed another brief kiss, chaste and delicate, and a hand wound its way into his hair, gently scratching against his head, soothing and adoring. Sirius released a full body shudder at the touch. Oh.
Their faces were still so close. Sirius’s position in the Watcher’s lap allowed him a height advantage which he used to greedily take in the scattering of freckles, woven silver scars, flecks of dark brown and gold in honey coloured eyes. Eyes that were quickly flicking back and forth between his, as if desperately trying to assess how Sirius was feeling.
“What’s wrong?” Sirius asked, reaching a trembling hand to the other man’s lips, feeling the warmth in the pads of his fingertips. Remus’ eyes slid shut at the touch and he gave a shaking inhale, the exhale releasing against the pale hand dancing lightly along his mouth. “You wanted to, right?”
Remus’ eyes flew open and he let out a sharp laugh in disbelief. “I’m worried you dun want it,” he said softly. “I’d be feckin’ content just to be in your orbit, Starboy. I dun need you to do anythin’ more for me.”
“I want it.” Sirius reassured, not allowing any room for argument. “I didn’t know I wanted it. Because I didn’t know what it was.”
Remus gave a pained smile. “Aye. But, suppose someone else could offer the same for ya? I dun want to be the one you’re stuck with because it’s somethin’ new for you.”
Those words caused a sharp pain to rip through his chest and he winced, turning his head away. “Remus,” he snapped.
“Nuh,” Remus soothed with a hush, turning his face back towards him. “Listen, eh? I mean it. You could have anyone. Just–I want you to recognize that.”
Sirius furrowed his brow and stared at him, entertaining the idea out of respect for this stupid man. He thought of all the other people in his life, the bonds he formed both in space and on Earth. He conjured up mental images of other people, imagined reaching for them like he had Remus.
And nothing.
He gave a solid smug nod and focused back on the Watcher, who had been drinking in the expressions on his face with wary anticipation.
“Nope.” Sirius replied and settled further onto the man’s lap.
“‘Nope’? “ Remus parroted back.
“Mhm,” Sirius reached out to run a hand through those gorgeous tawny curls. “Nobody else is the same. I don’t want anyone else.”
Remus appeared to struggle with that for a moment. “Why?” he finally asked.
Sirius drew back slightly to look at him in bewilderment. “Why don’t I want anyone else?” He scoffed. “Why don’t you want anyone else?”
Remus removed a hand from its tight grip on the celestial's hip and brushed it across his face, mapping the curves of his jaw, the slope of his nose, the plush pillow of his lower lip. Sirius’ eyes fluttered shut at the gentle caress. “Because you’re lovely,” Remus whispered and Sirius could have melted at the wave of feeling that slammed through his chest, pumping through his veins, his heart a steady thrum.
Sirius grabbed for his hand and placed the scarred palm against his chest, urging Remus to feel his heartbeat. He frowned and struggled to find the words to explain, to convince the glorious man that he meant what he said. “No one else sees me fully. You see me.”
The Watcher was completely frozen underneath him, wide-eyed with surprise, hand held limply against the celestial’s chest. He placed his own hand against Remus, feeling a racing heart thundering behind his ribs. “I always thought I was tethered to the stars, but now I realise that the stars brought me to you.”
Yes. He’d finally found the words, feeling the truth of them echoing in his bones.
He shivered from the weight of his own admission and leaned in to press his lips against the scar on the corner of Remus’ mouth, the one that caused a slight downturn of his lip. His signature crooked grin. At his touch, the man beneath him finally relaxed, sensing the sincerity of his words.
“Remus.”
Sirius uttered his name as if it was a blessing sent up to the heavens. “I need to be closer to you,” he gasped, clutching the back of Remus’ shirt, pulling himself tighter against his chest. Sirius squeezed his eyes shut and whimpered, a frantic feeling began to build in his body, feeling unhinged and about to come undone.
“Remus.”
This time his name was spoken with a bit of panic. He wanted to crawl inside of the man, burrow in and make himself safe and secure, away from the overwhelming feelings that crashed through him. The sensation of too much, his nerves buzzing under his skin.
“Hush, cariad, I got you.”
The warm words soothed him, washed over the waves of emotion threatening to spill out. Strong hands stoked his back and held him tightly, soft lips pressed firmly to his temple, a promise of protection offered through grounding touch. He still felt like he was close to combusting, a star about to implode, but Remus offered something solid to absorb some of the intensity. A container for a controlled burn.
“Does it always feel like this?” he asked the Watcher quietly, feeling safe enough to speak such a terrifying question out loud. Sirius brushed his own lips along the bare skin of Remus’ neck, not quite kisses but stabilising presses, anchoring himself to the person in his arms.
He felt Remus pause before the man clutched him tighter, his answer a soft breath against Sirius’ ear. “No. This is new for me, my star.”
Oh.
A sob tore from his chest, a quick burst that he quickly muffled into a broad shoulder. Remus made a soothing sound and gently pulled him back to place another chaste kiss against his lips. Sirius was shocked to see wet tracks coating Remus’ face, before realising that his own was also pooling with tears. The Watcher reached out to brush away the wetness from his cheeks with caring hands.
“Merlin’s tits,” he choked out and his heart leapt when Remus released a surprised laugh, his face lighting up in wonder.
“Aye.”
They pressed their foreheads together, steadying one another. Sirius sucked in a deep breath, filling his lungs to the point of bursting, before relinquishing the air in a big huff. He felt solid now. Tethered and grounded, the initial impact of feeling settling to a calming thrum under his skin. Sirius pulled back and felt his face break out into a dazzling smile.
“I charmed you,” he crowed in delight, a happy shimming dancing through his shoulders.
Remus had the absolute right to dump him off his lap with that comment, arse over tit, and he did just that, sending Sirius into an ungraceful sprawl onto the bedroom floor. He peered up at the man, who was giving big huffs of faux annoyance, and barked out a laugh in joy.
Remus finished his bit and looked down at him with a shy smile. “I reckon I wasn’t immune to your charm as much as I thought.”
“I’m glad,” Sirius admitted, his cheeks hurting from a constant grin. He swiftly hopped back onto the bed and Remus reached out to tame the wild mess his black waves had descended into from his time on the ground.
Sirius leaned in and gave the man another brief kiss, lingering for a moment before pulling back. His brows furrowed a bit, suddenly weighed down by insecurity and frustration. A thumb smoothed the crease in his forehead, coaxing him to release the tension.
“What’s wrong, cariad?”
Sirius took a moment to process his thoughts, leaning into a convenient question to stall. “You keep saying that. What does that mean?”
“Feck.” Remus rolled his eyes but looked back with an uncertain smile. “It’s a term of endearment, eh?” He coughed and rubbed his nose sheepishly. “Like darlin’, right?”
“Ohh,” Sirius crooned and gave his eyebrows a little wiggle before halting. “You’ve called me that before!”
Remus was suspiciously silent.
“Remus!” Sirius opened his mouth and closed it. Blinked a few times. “How long?”
“Eh?”
“How long have you found me endearing?”
The man sighed in defeat. “A while. But stop avoidin’ my question.”
Sirius blinked again and circled back, his brain still stuck on the fact that he’d been oblivious for so long. Merlin, how embarrassing. “Oh. Right.” He shifted uncomfortably. “I—“ he frowned and cursed. Speak up, Black. “I want to kiss you.” Well done, bollocks.
“Aye.” Remus was kind enough to merely raise an eyebrow rather than saying the bloody obvious. ‘You already have, you daft thing’.
Sirius huffed and slipped into his well known role of dramatism. “Right. Well listen here, you.” He pointed a finger towards the man of his affection. “We’ve established that I quite like you, thanks. And I believe it’s clear that you like me as well. Same page and all.” He waved his hand.
Remus hummed in amusement and nodded for him to go on. Cheers.
“So, that’s lovely. Brilliant. But in complete honesty and full transparency, darling, I have no bleeding clue what I’m doing.”
Now, typically when one bares their heart, they’d rather the person receiving the baring to not erupt into laughter. But Sirius was a gracious man and allowed a full 30 seconds of uninterrupted chortles.
“Sorry, Christ.”
He ignored the tears of mirth too.
“Quite finished?” he asked primly with a sniff.
Remus let out a happy sigh, one final chuckle slipping out before giving a nod and schooling his face into one of sombre consideration.
“Excellent,” Sirius continued haughtily, brushing some lint off his trousers. “So.” He paused, his clothing now free from dust. “That was all I had.”
Remus let out another loud laugh. “Oh for fucksake.” A quick kiss was pressed to Sirius’ forehead. “You mad man,” he stated fondly. “Reckon clueing me in on your point?”
He hesitated and gave a halfhearted shrug. “I want to kiss you,” he repeated. “But I don’t know how.”
Remus lit up knowingly, this intelligent man finally understanding what Sirius had so eloquently stated.
“You’re worried you won’t know what to do, eh?”
Sirius nodded stiffly, feeling his face flush with embarrassment.
“Well,” Remus murmured, his voice sounding almost like a purr, and he gently guided Sirius back onto his lap. He willingly followed, his heart flipping in anticipation. “Kissin’ is a lot of instinct, following what feels good.”
Remus placed a hand under his chin, tilting Sirius’ slightly to the side. Unlike the previous kisses, Remus lingered, his lips moving together to gently tug on Sirius’ lower lip. Heated flooded Sirius to his core and he gave a sigh, leaning further into the kiss. He copied what Remus had done, opening his mouth slightly and adjusting his pressure. Sirius pulled back with a questioning expression and experienced a full body thrill when Remus whispered ‘very good’ against his mouth in soft approval.
“I reckon you’re a fast learner,” the Watcher commented with a smirk. “And I happen to know a good teacher.”
Sirius truly couldn’t help himself. “I think I’d rather practise with you. Lily isn’t quite my type.”
He definitely deserved the huff he got from that one.
The two reluctantly returned to their task at hand, though this time accompanied with cheeky glances and a near constant touch, legs entangled across the quilt. Sirius had quickly finished his part of the project and began the slow and painful process of dying from complete and utter boredom. He took it upon himself to let out gradually longer and louder sighs and groans, hoping to communicate that he was seconds away from death.
He tossed himself back on the bed after his sixth sigh went unacknowledged, landing directly on the papers that Remus was dutifully working on. His efforts received a great huff and the Watcher tried to pull out his work from underneath the celestial. But he was not moving, darling.
“All these emotions have got me bloody starving,” he complained.
Remus sighed (rather fondly) and hauled himself up to his feet, reaching out a hand to help Sirius up from his dramatic sprawl. “Alri’, enough. Let’s go eat then, before ya start takin’ bites out of me.”
“Ooh,” Sirius trilled, eagerly accepting the helping hand and following the Watcher out into the hall. “Is that something I can do?”
Remus paused and turned around. Sirius gulped at the man’s calculating stare. “You can,” he admitted with a wicked smirk and took a step closer, causing the celestial to bump back against the door. He leaned an arm against the wall and brought his other hand up to hold Sirius’ jaw —effectively trapping him in place. “But I promise that l will bite back.”
Sirius felt a flush break out across his face and cleared his throat. “Duly noted.”
Remus grinned and swiftly turned around, leaving Sirius frozen to the spot. He sucked in a much needed breath before following the retreating figure of the Watcher down the stairs.
Once outside Remus slowed down, allowing Sirius to reach his side, and they started off towards the canteen for dinner. He cast a quick side-eye towards his companion and was pleased to see that Remus appeared much more relaxed and open, more than he had over the past several days.
“So,” Sirius chirped. “Does this mean we’re together now? As in, kisses shall be expected moving forward?”
“Well my feelings for you haven’t changed since we walked out the door,” the Watcher intoned dryly. Sirius decided to ignore the snark. Merlin, bless the man.
“So we’re ‘dating’ ?” Sirius mused aloud, ambling along the pathway next to Remus. The taller man whipped his head around to peer down at him in bewilderment.
“What?”
“Well I don’t know how the whole relationship thing works, do I?”
Remus frowned. “Well I dunno either, eh?”
Sirius narrowed his eyes and looked up at him in question. “You said you’ve been with people. You had a relationship with Caradoc.”
A subtle flush appeared on the Watcher’s cheeks and he rubbed the back of his neck, looking a bit awkward. “That wasn’t really a relationship, eh? Just–” he flapped his hands around. “They were all just sexual.”
Sirius pondered that bit of information for a moment. He eventually landed on a question. “Why haven’t you had a full relationship then?”
Remus hummed and looked up at the sky in thought. “I didn’t want people to know me. Liked keepin’ folks at a distance.”
Sirius felt his face forming into a smug smile. “I know you,” he chimed, feeling extremely superior.
“Aye. I reckon you do.”
Sirius hummed and they continued on their journey towards the canteen. “So what do I call you?”
“Eh?”
He huffed and waved a hand between them. “If we’re in a relationship, what word do I use? You aren’t my friend. But you also aren’t my fiance or husband.” Remus choked a bit at that. “So what do I call you?”
“Well you could call me Remus.”
Sirius scowled and jabbed a pointed finger into the tall man’s ribs, who looked far too pleased with himself. “I'll call you an utter bastard.”
Remus snickered and batted his hand away. “Er–well there’s boyfriend. Significant other. Or partner, I suppose.”
Sirius felt a warmth fill his chest and glanced up towards Remus feeling unbearably fond. “You’re my partner.” That felt right, the word representing the feeling of wholeness he felt around the man. He was met with a disbelieving expression and Sirius pouted. “What? ”
Remus shook his head slowly. “Nothin’. I’m just–” he huffed a glorious huff. “Still worried that you dun really know what that all means. That I’m takin’ advantage of you and all.”
Sirius stopped on their walk, forcing the other man to pause as well. “Listen,” he stated firmly. “You also haven’t had a relationship before. So really, you don’t know what that all means either. How do you know what you feel for me is this?”
Remus frowned but considered his question seriously. “I just feel it. I–” He hesitated and reached out a hand to brush a stray lock of hair behind Sirius’ ear, letting his touch linger against his jaw. “I want to protect you. Care for you. And I want to be close to you,” the Watcher whispered, intense amber eyes locking onto his own.
Sirius shivered and leaned into the touch. “I want that too. We’re tethered, like I said. You can feel it, that draw in your chest, right?” Remus nodded, flashing a crooked grin. “So trust me when I say that I understand my own feelings.”
Remus narrowed his eyes in thought, glanced down, and reached to intertwine their hands together.
“What are you doing?”
“Holdin’ your hand. ‘s what people in a relationship do.” Remus started back down the path, pulling Sirius along with him. The celestial stared down at their linked hands, pale against tan skin, and broke out into a smile.
He let out a loud whoop–causing the Watcher to jump in surprise and mutter a curse under his breath–but Sirius peeped a smile spreading across the man’s face.
They unfortunately needed both hands to load up their trays of food, but Sirius locked that tidbit of information for later, knowing that he’d be holding the bloke’s hand again shortly. He let out an excited gasp when he spotted a certain healer already seated and marched towards the table, a tawny-haired man trailing behind him.
“Lilypad!” Sirius placed his tray down and flashed the startled woman with a charming grin. He plopped into a seat and quickly propped his elbow up on the table, resting his face in his palm. “Have you met Remus?”
Remus sat in the chair next to Sirius with a resigned sigh.
The healer regarded him warily, but raised an eyebrow and decided to play his game. “Why dun ya introduce me?”
Sirius gasped and smacked the table in delight and waved a hand towards the man who was ignoring them to eat his dinner. “Lillington. Meet Remus, my partner.”
She raised both eyebrows and looked back and forth between the two men quickly. “Oh?”
“We’re dating,” he added, reaching a blind hand over to pat Remus on the head, missing entirely and hitting the poor sod on the cheek. He heard another sigh emitting from the man, but it was covered by a sharp gasp from Lily.
“Oh! Oh for fucksake it’s about time, ” she scolded, glaring at her best friend. Remus ignored her and took a sip of tea. Lily turned her attention back towards Sirius looking thoroughly exasperated.
“He finds me endearing,” Sirius added helpfully.
The healer let out an impressive scoff and fell into a long rant about how they were both idiots, with vivid examples offered in support of her statement. Sirius laughed, happy to be on the receiving end of another person’s theatrics. He did step in to offer some protection towards his dear Watcher, citing his own oblivious self as the primary reason for any delays.
They finished off their meal and returned their trays, giving a parting goodbye to Lily, who gave a fierce scowl coupled with a gentle ‘I’m happy for you both’ before she departed towards the health hall.
He glanced towards Remus and felt his heart stop for a moment. The man’s face was lit from the moon, the silver light highlighting various scars. Sirius realised with a shock that he could touch now and eagerly stepped in to wrap his arms around the taller man’s neck. He raised himself up on his toes to press his lips against the scar at the corner of his mouth. Remus gave a deep hum at the initiated touch and returned the embrace, wrapping his arms around Sirius’ waist.
“I forgot I need to go see Lily before bed,” he muttered, pressing another kiss against that stunning scar on the man’s lip.
Remus pulled back and looked down at him in concern. “Are you alri’?”
“Oh yes,” Sirius hurried and gave a dismissive eye-roll. “Just need my knee looked at, make sure it’s healing fine. That’s all.”
The Watcher relaxed a bit at hearing that Sirius wasn’t in any immediate pain. His heart tugged at the man’s obvious protectiveness. “Best get along then,” Remus whispered and pressed a series of soft kisses along his cheek and jaw, before pulling away and giving Sirius a gentle nudge towards the health hall. He nodded, reluctantly leaving the embrace, and started off on a jog to follow after the healer.
“Starboy?” Sirius turned back around at the call and raised an eyebrow in question. Remus stood where he’d left him, the perfect picture of nonchalance with his hands in his trouser pockets. “Somethin’ else people in a relationship do is sleep in the same bed together.”
He felt a grin breaking out on his face and called back. “Are you asking me to spend the night with you, Remus?”
The man gave a casual shrug and turned to head back towards the barracks. “Just some useful information for ya,” he called back over his shoulder towards the celestial. “Use it however ya want.”
Sirius barked out a laugh and shook his head in disbelief, watching the retreating figure of his once friend, now something more.
He hurried off to find Lily, hoping she’d be in one of the healing rooms. However he was disappointed to see Poppy working, no red-head in sight. He quickly backtracked and ventured further into the building, knowing that the healer had entered the hall after dinner. Opening random doors led to interesting discoveries of stock supplies and medical equipment, but no Lilyflower. He swore and was about to consider the mission a failure when he noticed a door at the end of the corridor was cracked open with a light flickering from behind. He knocked on the doorframe and peeked in to see the healer sitting in bed scribbling away in the margins of a book.
“Lily?” he called out hesitantly. “Could I speak with you for a moment?”
The red-head looked up from her task in slight confusion. “Poppy should be in the healing room.”
He almost took the convenient excuse to leave but decided to power on. “Er–no, it’s about me. And Remus.”
She furrowed her brow but nodded. “Oh, come in.” She sat up in bed and gestured towards the spare seat near her bed.
He hesitated and entered the room fully, shutting the door behind him. “Right.” He sat down stiffly. Might as well dive in. He shifted uncomfortably and chewed on his lip. “I don’t know how much Remus has told you, about my life in space?”
“Nothin’ really,” she admitted. “Remus is private and he respects other people’s privacy as well.”
Well, bless the man, but that made this conversation much more challenging. He sighed and felt his face heat with an intense blush. “It’s kind of a lot to explain. But I’ve never been with a person before? In a relationship but also sex, I mean. Our cultures are quite different.”
“Oh.” Lily tilted her head and considered him for a moment. “If you dun want to do that, you dun have to.”
He frowned. That wasn’t exactly what he was attempting to communicate but he latched on regardless. “What do you mean?”
The healer shrugged. “If you dun want to have sex with Remus, that’s alri’. No need to feel pressured, just because he has with other people.”
Sirius tilted his head in thought. “But the truth is I don’t know if I want it or not.” He pulled up his sleeve and showed his inner bicep to the healer. She peered at his arm and reached out with his approval to touch the implant visible under the surface of his skin. “In space we’re given birth control and aren’t able to have sex until we get married.” She looked up at him quickly in surprise. He hurried on, worried he might lose his nerve. “I was wondering if you could please remove this for me?”
She smiled kindly. “Sirius. A relationship can exist without sex. I was with a girl named Mary, one of the ag workers, for several years and we never did. It doesn’t make the relationship anything less. You dun have to worry about losin' Remus.”
He felt some honest reassurance at her words but shook his head. “That’s helpful to hear. But regardless, I want my body to be able to decide what it wants. Not some device in my arm.”
Lily hummed in understanding and nodded firmly. “Well. If ya want that taken out I’d be happy to do it for you.”
Sirius released a huge sigh of relief and relaxed back in the chair. “Thank you. Not yet, but I wanted to see if it was something you could do.”
She gave him permission to seek her out whenever and he bid Lily a good night, feeling rather proud of himself.
The night was clear and he walked with a bounce to his steps towards the barracks, taking a moment to lean back and send a blessing towards the stars for the path that had been laid out before him. He was accosted by a few of the Pack in the barracks den, pleading for the celestial to join them in a game of cards. They spent some time eagerly explaining the rules. After three rounds, where he won two with an impressive sweep, Sirius excused himself to get ready for bed before Benjy decided to express his loss through physical violence.
After washing up and changing into comfortable clothes, Sirius hesitated in the middle of his room and eyed his bed thoughtfully. The idea of sleeping under Hope Lupin’s gorgeous quilt was enough to tempt him into knocking quietly on Remus’ bedroom door.
Remus looked up in surprise, already relaxed in bed and reading a book by candlelight. His face broke out into a crooked grin. “Hullo, spaceman.”
Sirius grinned back and sauntered into the room (the effect lessened somewhat by his barefoot state and an oversized jumper hiding the fact that he was wearing pants.). “Some giant bloke told me that partners sleep together. Wonder if you’ve heard that before?”
“Mhm,” Remus hummed in amusement and made space for the celestial to slip in next to him. “Might’ve heard that somewhere.”
They settled into a comfortable position, Sirius resting against his chest as Remus held his book above him. His eyes quickly grew heavy from the weight of the day, the warmth of the bed and the steady thrum of the Watcher’s heartbeat quickly pulling him towards sleep. He distantly heard the rustle of a book being set aside and an exhale of breath blowing out a candle. A warm kiss was pressed against his head and he fell asleep feeling utterly cared for.
Yet fair too soon, Sirius was rudely woken to his pillow moving underneath him and letting out a string of swears. “Whatsit?” he mumbled blearily, realising that his pillow was in fact an angry Remus.
“Your feckin’ comm device won’t shuddup, Christ.”
He hummed and began to drift back to sleep, thinking that whatever it was could wait until morning.
“Nuh. Answer it. I won't be able to sleep with that noise, for fucksake.”
“Mmm you answer it.” He let out a sleepy yawn and buried back into the warm blankets.
Remus let out another curse and Sirius felt the bed shift as the man climbed out to answer the call. He dimly heard James’ voice through the speaker and tuned his ears to listen to the conversation in a semi-conscious state.
“Padfoot! About bloody time!”
“Nuh. This is Remus.”
“Oh. Could you get Sirius for me, mate?”
“He’s asleep. It’s the middle of the goddamn night.”
“Sorry! Not synced up to your time zone. But this is important, we fixed the Patronus. We can land.”
Sirius poked his head up from his cocoon and let out a sleepy gasp. “Wha-?”
He scrambled up to a seated position, the room pitch dark except for Remus’ sleep-ruffled face lit up from the glow of the comm device. Remus wordlessly passed him the call and he blinked against the sudden brightness. “James?”
“Sirius! Marls is bloody brilliant, landing gear is fixed. Can you send the coordinates for our landing site?”
“Er–yes. Hold on.” He quickly punched in the requested location–reading it twice to make sure he hadn’t muddled it in his sleepy state–and sent it off towards his best mate.
“Got it! See you soon, Pads.”
Sirius blinked, still fairly disoriented. “Wait. James, you can’t land yet. It’s nighttime, you’d cause chaos in the colony,” he admitted with a breathless laugh. James let out a frustrated groan. “Land in about 10 hours, around midday. I’ll let the Leaders know to expect your arrival.”
James quickly agreed with a joyous shout, the transmission ending and plunging the room back into darkness. Sirius let out a disbelieving laugh and laid back down, feeling very much awake. He felt the bed dip as Remus climbed back in, still unable to see as his eyes adjusted to the lack of light, and strong arms wrapped around him to pull him against a broad chest.
“They’re really coming,” he whispered. Remus was silent and he frowned, knowing that the man hadn’t fallen asleep yet. “Darling?”
The hold around him tightened for a moment. “It’s great news, Starboy.”
“But?”
He felt a sigh against his hair and a kiss was pressed firmly onto his head. “I reckon I’m feelin’ a bit selfish right now. Feel like I just got you, only to lose you so quickly.”
Oh.
“Remus,” he soothed, running his hands over muscled forearms. He sat up a bit, draping himself over Remus’ torso, now able to see an outline of the Watcher’s face from the soft light let in from the window. “Don’t forget that I just got you too. We’re partners. I’m not about to fly away tomorrow.”
“But you will fly away. At some point.”
Sirius faltered. In complete honesty, he hadn’t allowed himself to think much about the future and what it might entail. “Having you in my life changes things,” he settled on. Remus began to run a hand through his hair and he sighed, content at the gentle touch and scrapes of the man’s nails against his head. “I don’t know what that means yet. But I know that tomorrow the Patronus is going to land and I want to take you to see my ship and meet my crew.”
Remus made a strangled noise deep in his chest. “Sirius. Can I kiss you?”
As soon as Sirius voiced his approval, the hand in his hair tightened and Remus used the grip to suddenly pull Sirius up towards him, seeking out his lips in desperation. He gasped in surprise, the fierce kiss different from the others they had shared. He soon melted into the touch as warm lips moved from his mouth and began a fiery path along his jaw and down his neck.
“You aren’t leavin’ tomorrow,” the Watcher whispered desperately against his skin.
“No,” Sirius breathed, tilting his head back to allow the man easier access. He heard Remus take in a shuddering breath, the air cool against his neck as the man exhaled with a relieved sigh. He felt another kiss against his jaw, this time softer, more gentle. It was followed by a chaste kiss against his lips.
They held each other in the dark, Remus considerably more calm after the quiet reassurance. Sirius buried his face against his chest, nestled under the man’s jaw, and breathed in the scent of home.
“My star,” Remus whispered and Sirius felt his eyes sting with tears. “I suppose you do belong in the sky.” Warm hands trailed up and down his back, the repeated motion allowing his body to relax and seek out sleep once more.
“Not anymore,” Sirius whispered back. “Don’t forget that I fell to Earth.”
Notes:
*Sips coffee, no sugar or cream needed because this chapter was too fucking sweet*
Sirius I Always Thought I Was Tethered To The Stars But I Realize The Stars Brought Me To You Black.
Remus I Promise I Bite Back Lupin.
Chapter 20: Across the Universe
Summary:
Remus finally meets James.
Notes:
Just expect ridiculously long chapters from now on omg.
Also you might notice there is now final chapter count! Possible that it could change, but I've mapped out the final outline and it will likely stay close to 29 chapters. I can't believe how long this fic is, it started as a 5k oneshot of Sirius and Remus under the stars in chapter 15. This is wild.
(Clarifying something: Remus and Sirius use different words for things in their POVs and this distinction might be helpful in later, er, explicit chapters when it comes to clothing. Remus: sweaters, pants, underwear/boxers. Sirius calls them jumpers, trousers, and pants.)
Enjoy! <3
No TW
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe
-The Beatles "Across the Universe" 1969
For the second time in his life Remus Lupin woke up with a slumbering Sirius Black in his bed. Except this time he already had his moment of enlightenment, fully aware of the love he felt towards the man. Love that was apparently returned with equal intensity.
The room was bathed in a golden glow, sun streaming through the window, signalling the early hour. He reached out a finger to gently stroke faint freckles blooming across the celestial’s nose, evidence of his time spent on Earth. Sirius stirred slightly at the touch and nuzzled closer with an indecipherable mumble.
It was surreal how much had changed in under 24 hours, Remus still reeling with the sudden shift in their relationship. There was still some lingering doubt and fear, of course, but in the safe space of his bedroom he allowed himself to appreciate the quiet snores, numbness in his arm, and pressure of slender limbs draped haphazardly over him. He buried his face into messy raven hair and breathed in deeply. On a planet surrounded by competing and overwhelming scents, Sirius offered a moment of stillness. Something refreshing and subtle, like the morning after a snowfall or a blank page in a book.
Perhaps the celestial simply smelled like starlight.
Remus enjoyed the quiet, listening as Sirius gradually woke up in his arms. His snores stopping first, then the quickening of his breath, and miniscule movements as he became aware of his surroundings. Sirius rubbed his cheek against Remus’ chest with a content hum and tightened the arm and leg he had swung over him.
“Bore da, my star,” Remus whispered and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.
Silver eyes cracked open and Sirius flashed a sleepy smile. “Bore da, darling.”
Remus grinned at the use of the earthly greeting and ran his hand through Sirius’ hair, scratching lightly against the man’s head. Sirius gave another content sound and buried his face back against Remus’ chest. “Sleep alri’?”
Sirius popped his head back up and nodded. “I always sleep so well when I’m with you,” he murmured, his voice rough upon waking. “No nightmares.”
Remus frowned in concern and brushed some stray locks of hair off the man’s forehead. “Do ya usually have nightmares?”
“Mhm,” the celestial turned his head to place a sneaky kiss against his palm. “Always have. But not when I’m with you.” He let out a large yawn and rolled off of Remus to give himself a long stretch, relaxing back into the bed with a pleased smile. “I drove Prongs mad, he complained that I used to talk in my sleep when we were in Academy.” Sirius snickered and peered towards Remus with a questioning grin. “Unless I still do?”
Remus turned on his side and gave him a playful nudge. “Nuh. You snore.”
“I do not.”
“Aye.” Remus leaned in to kiss his cheek but Sirius reared back from the gesture with a scowl.
“I don’t!” The poor man looked absolutely insulted.
“You do,” he admitted fondly. Sirius scowled harder and shook his head in disbelief. “You drool too,” he added kindly. A truly dismayed expression erupted over the celestial’s face and Remus burst out into laughter. “You look as if someone’s told you your mum died!”
“I’d be far less horrified if someone told me that!” Sirius snapped. “This is the worst information I’ve ever received in my life. You’re telling me that I not only snore but also drool in my sleep. One of those is awful but both? For the love of Merlin.” Sirius moaned in distress and flipped over to bury his face in the bed, his following words coming out muffled. “This is mortifying. I might as well die here. Suffocate in these drool soaked pillows.”
He peered down at the dramatic lad and felt a fierce surge of love. “Well you didn’t drool on the pillows. Just on me.”
Sirius groaned again in embarrassment. “Kill me. It’d be an act of kindness.”
Remus let out a snort and leaned over to lay his body across the man with a death wish, pushing him into the bed with a muffled ‘mrrmph’. “I’ll make it quick,” he teased, speaking against the man’s ear. “I wouldn’t want ya to keep sufferin’.”
He felt Sirius’ body shaking with laughter underneath him. He placed a warm kiss on the back of his neck and rolled back off. A grey eye peeked up at him from behind a black curtain of hair before quickly disappearing again. “How long are you plannin’ on hiding from me?”
He heard a loud sigh and Sirius rolled back over to expose his face to the world, his cheeks flushed either from laughter, embarrassment, or near suffocation.
“Quick, tell me something absolutely dashing about me so I can recover from the dreadful news I received.”
Remus reached out and gently turned Sirius’ face towards him. He leaned in and pressed a kiss against lips that were warm and soft from sleep. “Everything about you is lovely,” he whispered before kissing the man again, opening his mouth slightly to deepen the kiss. He heard Sirius release a sigh and melt into the embrace, one of his hands running up to thread through Remus’ hair.
He swiped his tongue lightly across Sirius’ lower lip and the man let out a gasp, freezing beneath him. He pulled away in concern and was met with the stunning sight of a dazed Sirius, eyes glassy and his mouth red and glistening.
“Alri, cariad?” He brushed his thumb delicately against Sirius’ cheek to get his attention. Silver eyes focused on him.
“Do that again, please.”
Remus hesitated for a second at the whispered request, but leaned back in to give the man another kiss, plush lips parting at his touch when he licked into his mouth. He groaned when he felt an echoing swipe of a tongue against his own, tentative and curious.
He pulled back and gave the celestial a smirk. “See, ya know I like you when I’m willin’ to do that after we just woke up.”
Sirius gave a breathless laugh, his eyes bright and cheeks flushed but no longer from embarrassment. “Even despite my appalling sleep habits.”
“Mhm,” Remus smiled playfully. “I told ya I’d like all parts of you.” Sirius softened and smiled his smile. “Big day today,” Remus added and raised an eyebrow, honestly surprised that the young captain hadn’t already leapt out of bed. Sirius’ eyes widened dramatically and he sat up with a gasp, his long hair a mess of static.
“Oh! Merlin’s tits, we need to get up!” He proceeded to start to shove Remus, trying to get the taller man to move.
“Christ!” Remus laughed and allowed the celestial to manhandle him into standing.
“Get dressed!” Sirius shrieked and frantically began pulling clothes out of Remus’ dresser and tossing them his way, grabbing an extra sweater for himself. He caught the thrown items and watched in amusement as Sirius dug around in his pants drawer. The celestial groaned. “I need trousers that fit, you’re too bloody tall.”
“Well you could get some from your room,” Remus suggested lightly.
Sirius whipped around to face him. “What are you doing? Put those on! I’ll be right back.” He bolted out the door and Remus could hear the thunder of footsteps on the stairs leading up to the celestial’s temporary bedroom.
Holding back a snort, Remus washed up in his bedroom basin and changed clothes (swapping one of the two sweaters that Sirius had accidentally thrown him in his haste for a shirt). He’d just finished lacing up his boots when his door swung open with a slam, Sirius messily combing his fingers through his dampened hair.
“Ready?” The celestial shifted back and forth on his feet, fidgeting anxiously. Remus slowly stood and approached him, reaching out to place his hands on both shoulders to still the man’s nervous movements.
“Starboy.” Sirius made an impatient noise and pulled away from the touch. “Sirius,” Remus tried again, speaking softly but this time keeping his hands to himself. “It’s alri’. We have a few hours, plenty of time to go talk to Minerva and get to the landing site. And you’ll get to see James.”
Sirius breathed in deeply and nodded, stepping forward to wrap his arms around Remus’ waist. “I don’t know why I’m so bloody nervous,” he mumbled against his chest.
“Reckon you’re nervous because it’s important to ya,” Remus suggested softly. “And maybe a bit excited too, eh?”
Sirius pulled back and peered up at him with wide eyes. “I don’t want you to think that I’m excited about leaving,” he admitted quietly. That certainly tugged at his heartstrings, Christ.
Remus reached up, wanting to place a reassuring hand against the man’s cheek, but hesitated recalling how he’d pulled away from his earlier touch. Sirius flicked his eyes towards the hand and tilted his head, leaning into the open palm, all tension leaving his body with a sigh.
Sirius reached up to his hand, anchoring it to him, “Let’s go talk with Minnie and get you some leaf water,” Sirius suggested with a grin. He removed the hand, kissed it, and pulled Remus towards the council hall walking there hand and hand (Remus had rolled his eyes at the celestial’s insistence, but was secretly thrilled at the touch.)
They easily found the Head Counsellor and Sirius provided an update on the Patronus’ arrival, reassuring that his 50 person crew would not expect meals or beds from the colony. Minerva had relaxed a bit at the news, their small colony centre not fit for the addition of that many people, but agreed when Sirius suggested that his executive crew of six visit the centre for a formal meeting the following day. The Patronus was expected to land within the colony’s outer barricade on a section of land that was occasionally used for crops or livestock, and his crew were given permission to explore the colony as they wished.
Remus followed the celestial towards the canteen for a late breakfast, watching with fondness as Sirius babbled, waving his hands through the air like an excited kid. Sirius was unable to sit still, shifting throughout the meal and shaking his leg underneath the table. Remus reached out to place a grounding hand against his knee and Sirius flashed him a grateful look in return.
“Why dun we head over there early?” he suggested, eyeing the celestial’s barely touched tray. Sirius eagerly jumped on the suggestion and they made their way towards his rover, taking time to remove the roof to enjoy the sun on the quick drive. Remus hoped the fresh air might do the celestial good, calm some of the ramping nerves, but decided not to mention his underlying motive.
The drive towards the old ag field was quick, winding down an old dirt road south of his parents’ farm. They neared the landing site but Remus was prompted to pull over prior to reaching the field. He parked and turned towards Sirius in question.
“As much as I trust James, I’d rather not get crushed when they land,” Sirius laughed and hopped out of the vehicle to relax back against the hood of the rover, pulling his comm device out to fiddle with the screen. Remus joined him, stretching out his long legs, and peered up at the sky. “He’ll be early,” Sirius added casually and turned his head to smile softly up at him. “Can’t stay away from me, that man.”
Remus laughed and swung his arm around Sirius’ shoulders, drawing him in close against his side. “I dun know why I’m nervous.” He felt his partner bark out a surprised laugh, his slim frame shaking beneath his arm.
“They’ll love you. And you’ll be impressed with my ship. She’s brilliant.”
Remus bit back a grin. “Well I wouldn’t expect you to settle for somethin’ mediocre. Not a lad as dramatic as you.” Sirius shook with more silent laughter. They relaxed together for several minutes, soaking up the warmth of the sun, when the peace was interrupted by a light ping, Sirius’ device signalled an incoming call.
“Cheers, Prongs,” the young captain answered the transmission with a wide smile.
“Incoming, Cap.” James’ voice chopped through with a loud whoop. “Entering the atmosphere, eta 5 minutes.”
“Bit early aren’t you mate? We’ll be waiting,” Sirius promised and ended the call with an excited inhale.
Remus felt his heart rate pick up and looked back up at the sky in anticipation. Aside from the captain’s shuttle, he’d only ever seen old ship remains on Earth from before the space expedition and the occasional Raider craft. He’d tried to envision what the Patronus might look like, but his brain wasn’t able to picture a vessel large enough for the number of crew that Sirius had described.
His mind apparently, would never have been able to conjure up an image that did the Patronus justice. A loud roar started to build, pressing against his ears, and the hair on his arms stood up, a buzz of static filling the air around them. He sucked in a surprised gasp at the sight of the quickly approaching ship, a small point in the sky gradually growing in size.
And it continued to grow.
Remus faintly realised why Sirius had suggested they stop at a distance as the Patronus edged down to land with a loud hiss in the field, sending a blast of wind whipping around them. He stared with wide eyes as the ship took up the entirety of his view, filling the field with its length. It was as large as their colony centre, taller than even their highest Watch tower, and he dimly sent a grateful thought out towards whoever might be listening that this monstrosity hadn’t crashed to the Earth. It would have been a death sentence for all in proximity. Jesus fucking Christ.
While the overall size of the ship was jarring, he had to admit that there was a certain beauty to the vessel. A delicateness in the bright shine of silver reflecting the sun across the sleek form. He jumped when Sirius’ excited yell cut through the loud arrival, the celestial taking off at a run towards a back platform that was descending towards the ground.
Sirius turned around to call over his shoulder, dark hair whipping around his face. “Come on, darling,” he flashed a dazzling smile. “You showed me your world, let me show you mine.”
He stumbled forward on shaking legs and joined Sirius to approach the ramp where a figure was descending down.
“Is that a scratch on my ship, Prongs?”
“You try navigating through orbit to get to a ruddy signal blocker without hitting something, you bloody wanker!”
The figure reached the ground and approached them with a confident strut and Remus finally had a face for James. He was tall, though not as tall as Remus, with broad muscles and olive skin that looked as if it would darken considerably if exposed to the sun. He had a shock of black hair standing on end and his bright eyes were covered in thick rimmed glasses, a flash of analytics rapidly filling the lenses as they scanned their surroundings.
Remus watched, a bit amused, as Sirius laughed and jumped forward to greet his friend with a firm handshake, the gesture oddly formal despite the apparent affection between the two men.
“It’s so good to see you James,” Sirius sighed and James flashed a beaming smile, all teeth, and clapped his captain on the shoulder.
“Looking like an Earthling there, mate, nice garms.” He took in Sirius’ attire, the oversized sweater and threadbare pants, but frowned when he noticed the scar on his forehead. “Merlin, Pads! We can get Medical to heal that.”
Sirius waved his hand dismissively and gestured behind him. “Prongs, this is my dashing hero, the one and only, Remus Lupin.”
The second in command pulled his concerned attention away from his captain’s wound and turned towards Remus with intrigue. He saw James falter a bit at his scarred appearance, eyes rapidly travelling over his exposed skin, but his expression was quickly schooled into a grateful grin. Kind man, James.
“Cheers, Remus! Pleasure to meet you officially, though I did enjoy hearing that deep voice of yours via comm. Anything to get a break from this sod’s whinging.”
Sirius let out a mock cry of indignation and Remus laughed, shaking the offered hand. “Reckon ya needed the break, constant complainin’ from that one.”
Sirius scoffed, gave a short rant about lack of respect for authority, and started up the ramp to enter his ship. Remus shared a quick grin with James at the man’s dramatics and followed up after him.
They entered into a large space, three shuttles similar to the one that Sirius had crashed in docked inside. A group of about 20 people wearing navy uniforms lined the walls and they cried out greetings as the men entered inside.
“Thank you all for your brilliant efforts to get me back onboard and for running the ship while I was away.” Sirius’ voice was loud and clear, commanding attention, but filled with gratitude. “My executive crew and I will be meeting with the Earth Colony tomorrow and we’ll update you all on plans moving forward. You’re welcome to leave the ship and explore the colony, but we’ll be taking meals and sleeping here. Enjoy the break, cheers.” The crowd dispersed in a loud scramble, eager voices overlapping as they spread the news among the rest of the crew not present, several people heading outside to get a glimpse of their origin planet. Remus caught several of them eyeing him in interest as they passed.
Five people remained and Remus noted that they wore similar clothing to James, crisp grey button up shirts with emblems on the sleeves and black pants, signifying them as lead officers. “Remus, meet my executive crew.” Sirius waved a hand and gestured towards each person in introduction. “Kingsley is my General Chief and Security Officer, in charge of weaponry and security on the ship.” The man was incredibly handsome and muscled (biceps rivalling Caradoc’s) with deep ebony skin. “Peter, the Chief Science Officer and head of our research department, he’ll be eager to gather data while we’re here.” A small man with mousy brown hair nodded vigorously and looked out towards the open hangar door as if already desperate to get outside.
“What in the name of Merlin’s saggy pants happened to you?”
The vaguely familiar voice interrupted Sirius’ introductions, and Remus glanced towards a tall blonde woman who was staring back at him with a gaping mouth.
“Bloody tits, Marlene, have some respect,” Sirius snapped. He flashed Remus an apologetic frown. “This bird with absolutely no tact is Marlene. You’ve met,” he added stiffly and scowled back at his Chief Engineer. She crossed her arms, undisturbed by her captain’s reprimand.
“It’s alri’,” Remus reassured and flashed a crooked grin towards Marlene. “Wild animal attack,” he explained. “Gotta be tough to live on Earth, eh?” She smirked and gave an appreciative nod, looking fairly impressed.
Sirius sighed and finished his introductions with a resigned air, a petite woman named Dorcas in charge of Operational Support, and a red-headed man named Fabian who ran navigation in the bridge. Sirius dismissed them with an instruction to ‘go have some bloody fun, captain’s orders’ and he turned back towards Remus giving him a gesture to wait for a moment.
He watched, curiosity brewing, as Sirius had a hushed conversation with his second in command. They appeared to be arguing, Sirius with his arms crossed and James gesturing wildly. Eventually Sirius held up a hand to stop his friend, gave a firm shake of his head, and pointed towards the door. Clearly an order for the man to leave. Remus frowned at James’ retreating figure and raised an eyebrow in question as Sirius walked back towards him with his lips pressed in a thin line.
“Alri’, cariad?”
“Fine.”
Remus frowned, the remark sounding a bit too much like the Old Sirius that had first arrived in the colony. He stepped closer, wanting to offer some comfort, but halted when his proximity caused the celestial to stiffen further. Sirius took a step back, increasing their distance and waved a dismissive hand. “Prongs just forgot who was in charge for a moment. Think he was acting captain for too long.”
Remus knew better than to push Sirius into disclosing any further. “Reckon you put him in his place then.” He was glad to hear a surprised laugh escape Sirius, some of the tension leaving his body.
“Alright.” Sirius clapped his hands and turned fully towards Remus with a cocky grin. “Let me give you a tour, shall I? But first I’ll need coffee,” he demanded and took off at a determined strut.
He trailed behind Sirius, who made himself a cup of coffee in the ‘galley’, and listened as the man prattled on excitedly, pointing out various rooms and devices. He peered through the glass doors into a large laboratory filled with research equipment and gawked at the massive cargo hold that took up the majority of the ship’s third floor. The top floor housed the crew’s living quarters, the majority of personnel sleeping in the barracks and eating in the ‘mess hall’. There were six separate bedrooms with a living area that the executive crew used as their private quarters, as well as a separate dining area for the lead officers.
It was safe to say that Remus was fucking overwhelmed.
The technology on the Patronus was beyond anything he had ever seen, doors opening automatically, self-directed machines navigating along the corridors. The environment was clean and sterile but fitted with comforting touches, plush sitting areas and recreational spaces for the crew nestled throughout. Remus was certain he’d get lost within the ship if not for the young commander leading the way.
They eventually journeyed up to the very front of the ship and entered the bridge, a wide circular area that acted as the navigation centre. His eyes narrowed in on a chair in the middle of the room, lifted to allow the person an optimal view outside the ship window, as well as providing the perfect position to oversee those sitting at the controls.
A chair for a captain.
He whipped his head around to stare at Sirius in awe, the reality officially sinking in. “You– feckin’ Christ. That’s where you sit.” Sirius raised his eyebrows and blinked. Remus swung back around to look at the chair. “This is your ship.” He was vaguely aware that he sounded hysterical.
Sirius tilted his head, looking a bit concerned. “I was under the impression that you knew that, Remus.”
Remus let out a frantic laugh and shook his head in disbelief. It was almost too much. The sheer magnitude of the Patronus, the way so many people had turned towards Sirius waiting for orders with respect. It was difficult to see how that matched with the soft man drooling on his chest a few hours prior.
“Remus?” He squeezed his eyes shut and took a few calming breaths and turned back around to face Sirius. “I still need to show you where the captain lives.” Sirius flashed a shy grin and gestured towards a set of doors near the bridge.
The door opened automatically as they approached and Remus took in the space in amazement. They stood in a living area, similar to the barracks den but much nicer, with a large dining table, several plush sofas, and various personal effects neatly tucked away. An open door in the back showed another room with a large bed filled with pillows. The entire ceiling was made of glass, giving the appearance of being outdoors. He could only imagine what the view would look like among the stars. He gaped and wandered into the back bedroom, seeing a private bath and impressive closet filled with clothing. He spun around and saw Sirius watching him shyly.
“It’s feckin’ amazing,” he breathed. Sirius brightened at the compliment and bounded towards him.
“I’m glad you like it,” Sirius beamed and made his way over to his nightstand. “Let me show you my favourite part.” He pressed a button and a transparent screen appeared in the air (Remus blinked in surprise) and tapped on the display. Soft music filled the room and he whirled his head around looking for the source. “I missed music,” the celestial said quietly, his eyes closed and a relaxed expression filling his face. “I always have music playing when I'm here.”
“It’s lovely,” he commented, the waves of music filling the room. His statement did little to fully express how he felt. He could clearly see Sirius spending a day leading his crew, being a strong voice of command, and then slipping away into this private space to unwind. This was the Sirius that he knew.
They were quiet for a moment, appreciating the sound of music wrapping around them. Sirius broke the moment with a clear of his throat and gave him a sad smile. “Remus? I want to apologise.”
He frowned and shook his head in surprise. “For what?”
Sirius hesitated and looked down at his feet, looking unbearably small. No longer the strong captain that had greeted his crew or the confident commander that had given a tour of his spaceship with pride. “For being so distant. I’m your partner but I haven’t been acting like one. It–it’s strange being back. Trying to figure out how to make those pieces fit. I’m sorry.”
He looked back up towards Remus and screwed up his face in frustration. “I have to appear a certain way for them,” he waved his hands towards the door in reference to his crew. “And they wouldn’t understand what we are.”
“It’s alri–”
“No it isn’t!” Sirius shook his head frantically. “It feels wrong to suddenly pull away. I don’t mean to hide us, but I can’t–”
“Sirius,” Remus calmly interrupted. “Whatever you need from me, just tell me. If you dun want me to touch you around your crew then it’s alri’. Christ, it’s fine if you dun want me to touch you even on a random day. I’ll be here. Your consent means everything.”
“Oh,” Sirius replied faintly, blinking in surprise. A flush settled over his cheeks. “You can touch me now.”
As soon as the invitation had left his lips, Remus strode over and pulled him into a tight embrace, the celestial nestled firmly against his chest. Sirius let out a relieved sigh and leaned into him, allowing Remus to support his weight.
“Just not around my crew?”
Remus winced at the tentative lilt to the man’s voice. He ran a reassuring hand against the back of Sirius’ head. “Whatever you need.”
“Should I–” Sirius coughed, sounding suspiciously choked up. “Should I ask to touch you, too? Around the colony?
“Cariad, I give you blanket permission to touch me whenever you choose, but if you’re ever unsure you can ask.”
“Alright. Thank you, darling.”
Sirius lifted his head and raised himself up on his toes, wrapping his arms around the back of Remus’ neck to pull his mouth down to meet his. Remus leaned into the kiss, revelling in the soft breaths of Sirius against his lips, the brush of long black lashes against his cheek.
Sirius pulled back from the embrace with a content sigh and nuzzled into his shoulder. Remus closed his eyes, soaking up the warmth of the man in his arms. His heart felt full. Any remains of being overwhelmed faded into the background.
His eyes flew open from a sudden pinch of pain on his shoulder and he glanced down to see Sirius giving him a light bite on the exposed skin along his collar. Caught in the act, he unlatched his mouth from the claimed skin and blinked up at Remus, the hint of a smile on his lips.
“Sirius.” Remus lowered his voice in warning and he raised an eyebrow. “I thought I told you that I'd bite back?”
“Oh did you?” Sirius blinked up at him again, the picture of complete innocence.
Remus narrowed his eyes and gave a playful growl, the sound causing Sirius to break out into a full grin. He tackled Sirius back on the bed, the man letting out a bright bark of laughter at the attack. Remus pinned his hands above his head and peered down at the celestial. Sirius stared back with bright eyes, body still shaking with joy and attempts to wiggle free.
He leaned in to nuzzle against his neck, brushing his teeth lightly against pale skin. Sirius halted his escape attempt and sucked in a sharp breath in anticipation.
“Almost seems like ya want me to bite you, Starboy.”
“Well,” Sirius sighed, tilting his head back to expose more of his neck. “Maybe I’m just testing to see if you’re a man of your word.”
Remus grinned and placed a warm kiss against the soft skin. Sirius squirmed underneath him and he tightened his hold on the celestial’s arms, placing another kiss against the man’s jaw. Sirius stopped his movements but let out an impatient grumble. “Patience, cariad,” he chided softly, landing an open mouthed kiss against the hollow of his throat.
“I’m many things, Remus, but patient is not one of them,” Sirius replied, attempting a haughty tone but instead sounding rather breathless.
Remus hummed in thought against his neck. “I said that I bite back, but I didn’t say when, eh?”
Sirius’ frustrated groan was suddenly cut short when Remus gave an experimental nip, sinking his teeth lightly into the delicate skin along his throat. Sirius gave a high sound of approval and Remus pulled back to study the light red mark blooming along the man’s neck.
“You mark up so easily,” he murmured and placed another delicate kiss against the fading bite.
“Oh?” Sirius responded, definitely sounding breathless now.
“Something to explore at a later time,” he promised, releasing the man from his pinned position. Remus rolled off of Sirius and looked around the room in intrigue. “So this is the captain’s chambers, eh?”
Sirius sat up, looking extremely flustered and attempted to straighten his dishevelled appearance, smoothing the wrinkles from his clothes and running a quick hand through his hair. He flashed Remus a proud grin and waved a hand about the space, transitioning quickly from flushed partner to young commander. “Like what you see?”
“Mhm.” Remus raised an eyebrow in mock consideration. “So that means, since the ship is on Earth, these are my chambers. Being that I’m the captain here and all. This is my room.”
Sirius smirked, a playful glint in his eyes. “Well your logic is sound, I must admit. Feel free to fully enjoy the bed. It’s rather lovely.”
He looked back at the expansive bed they were sitting on and launched himself back into the pillows, sinking down in the soft mattress. The man hadn’t lied, the bed was fucking fantastic. He hummed happily and flashed a lazy smile towards the celestial. “Feckin’ huge, this bed. Lots of space to drool in.” He snickered at the loud scoff that issued from Sirius at the pointed quip, the man muttering under his breath about ‘loyalty’ .
A swish sounded out from the living area, signalling the arrival of someone in the crew, and James poked his head into the bed chambers looking a bit frantic. Remus spared himself a second to be grateful that they weren’t discovered in a more compromising position.
“Merlin, there you are! Pads, there’s some terrifying red-headed bird outside demanding entry?”
Sirius perked up from his seat on the edge of the bed. “Oh! That would be the stunning Lilister. I believe you had the pleasure of speaking to her on the comms.”
James made a choked sound and reared his head back in surprise. “That’s Lily?”
Remus snickered from his relaxed lounge on the bed. Poor James, the force of Lily Evans was something to behold. The man was in for a wild ride.
“Looking right at home, Remus,” The poor lad remarked in amusement, taking in his casual posture and long-limbed sprawl against the pillows.
“Oh this is his room,” Sirius waved his hand dismissively. The second in command merely muttered a quiet ‘oh’ with a nod of his head as if that answered everything, clearly desensitised to his captain’s oddities.
Remus laughed and sat up. “How does a captain speak to the whole ship if he wanted to?”
Sirius grinned and pointed towards a button on the wall near the doorway with a speaker. Remus cocked an eyebrow in question and Sirius gave him permission with an amused nod. He strolled over and cleared his throat before leaning in, pressing the button with a flourish. (Dating a celestial appeared to have transferred a certain flair for dramatics.)
“Er-hullo. If the crew could please allow a fiery red-head permission to board the Patronus, that would be feckin’ great, ta.” Sirius and James burst out in laughter and Remus flashed them a crooked grin. “Be warned that she might look small but she’ll throw a mean punch if threatened,” he added before removing his hand from the button.
“Bloody brilliant, mate.” James wiped a tear from his eye, still shaking with laughter. “I can see why Sirius likes you.” The two seemed to have gotten over whatever tension they’d displayed earlier, the pair of them snickering in appreciation over Remus’ wit. “We could have used you in Academy,” James added wistfully and Sirius let out a happy trill in agreement.
Remus rolled his eyes. “Nuh. I would’a stayed far away from you idiots. I heard about the supply port crash, eh?” James fell into another round of full body laughter, clutching his stomach as if in pain.
Sirius narrowed his eyes, failing to cover his own grin. “I told you that in confidence,” he sniffed, raising his voice to be heard over the loud cackles coming from his best mate.
Remus gave him a quick wink and turned to head out of the captain’s chambers. “Alri’, show me how to get the feck out of here so I can find my friend,” he called over his shoulder.
With some support from the two trailing celestials, Remus found his way back to the Patronus entrance. A grin broke out across his face when he spotted the healer stomping their way.
“What the feck is this?” Lily demanded loudly, waving her hands around the ship's interior.
He laughed and swung an arm around her shoulder. “Welcome to the Patronus, Lils. What are you doing here?”
He felt the loud scoff release from her small body and glanced down at her in question. “Sirius is an idiot,” she declared and he let out a snort. “But,” she continued with a softer voice. “He’s my friend. I didn’t want him to leave without sayin’ goodbye.”
Remus smiled sadly, his chest giving a painful lurch at the reminder of limited time. “He’s not leavin’ yet.” Lily looked up at him to study his face, his own sadness echoed in her features. She nodded at his reassurance and wrapped her arm around his waist in a tight hug.
Footsteps sounded behind them. Lily pulled out of Remus’ arms and scowled, narrowing her eyes at the approaching captain. “You! This is your ship? For fucksake!”
Sirius raised his eyebrows in complete exasperation and turned towards his second in command standing beside him. “I feel insulted. Why is everyone so surprised about this? Do they not know what being a bloody captain means?”
Remus snickered as James failed to respond to his captain. His mouth was open, glasses trained on the red-headed healer as she began a passionate rant about ‘idiots’, ‘excessive size’, and ‘overcompensation'.
“Lils,” he interrupted, seeing Sirius opening his mouth with an equally impassioned retort, knowing that the two were about to get into a spirited argument. “This is James, Sirius’ best friend.”
Lily paused her venting, a flush settling across her cheeks as she became aware of her captive audience. “Oh! Why didn’t you tell me he was here?” she hissed and smacked his chest.
He rolled his eyes and rubbed at the sharp sting. “I just feckin’ did.”
She ignored his snark and turned towards the new celestial with interest. “We spoke on the comms.”
James jumped at the introduction, still staring in wide eyed fascination. “Er– yes! We spoke before, it’s brilliant to meet you, Lily.”
She crossed her arms and studied him with narrow eyes, before giving an approving nod. She japped a pointed finger towards the second in command’s face. “Why are ya wearin’ those?”
James quickly pulled his glasses off, as if surprised he was wearing them, and looked back at Lily with a gaped mouth expression.
Sirius let out a sudden horrified gasp at his naked face. “Put those back on!” he snapped and pointed towards the glasses in his best mate’s hand. James flashed him an unamused glare.
He turned to fix Lily and Remus with an apologetic expression, pitching his voice low in a mock whisper. “Prongs needs constant stimulation or he’ll start screaming. Better if you don’t see that.” (Remus heard James give a scoff in denial at the quip but noticed that the man had been rather quick to put the glasses back on his face.)
They spent the afternoon showing Lily around the ship, this time with James stepping in to act as an eager tour guide. The healer had been rightfully amazed, asking a stream of questions that the celestial hurried to answer. She’d been particularly enthralled by the medical room, meeting the ship’s ‘doctor’ with worshipping eyes. Lily eventually turned to Remus with a reluctant grimace.
“I need to get back to the colony, I’m workin’ the evenin’ shift. Can ya take me home?”
Remus hummed in agreement. “How’d ya get here then?”
“Bullied your da into givin’ me a ride.”
He let out a loud laugh at her smug smile and shook his head fondly. Lyall Lupin may be a hard man but he had a soft spot for the red-head. He turned towards their companions. “Reckon it's time to go."
“We’ll see you tomorrow!” James chimed eagerly and flashed a wide grin. “We’re having lunch with the leaders. Maybe get a tour of your colony?”
Remus faintly heard Lily agree, but he was focused on the young captain giving him a mournful look. He felt a tug in his chest when he realised that Sirius would not be coming back with them tonight. Of course he wouldn’t. He was the captain, finally reunited with his ship and crew. “I’ll see ya tomorrow,” he muttered quietly, giving Sirius a hopefully reassuring smile.
Sirius gave him a stiff nod, mouth turned down in a slight frown.
They gave their goodbyes and descended back out to the field. He could feel Lily’s curious stare on the side of his face but ignored it, focusing on the parked rover in the distance. He climbed up into the driver’s seat and let out a resigned sigh as the healer turned in the passenger seat to face him fully.
“What.”
“What was that?”
“Dun know what you’re talkin’ about,” he sniffed and turned the rover on, switching it into gear.
“I thought you and Sirius were partners.”
He whipped his head towards his friend and frowned. “We are.”
She shook her head in confusion and waved back towards the ship. “Didn’t seem like it. You two have been disgustingly sweet. That was the coldest goodbye I’ve seen.”
He felt a surge of annoyance towards his friend, wishing for a moment that she’d mind her own fucking business. “They dun have same-sex relationships in space, Lils.” He heard her suck in a surprised breath. “He needs to be captain right now. Around his crew.” The rover was quiet and he gave a side-eye towards his passenger. Lily looked tiny, curling into the seat with her arms wrapped securely around her torso.
“Rem,” she whispered quietly. “What are you two plannin’ to do? When he leaves?”
“We dun know yet.”
She made a pained noise and reached a hand out to brush his arm. “I dun want to see you get hurt.”
He gripped the steering wheel tightly, driving up towards the inner colony gates. “It was always going to be painful, Lils.”
Notes:
I'm crying.
Also, Sirius demanding a coffee as soon as he was onboard is 1000% me
Chapter 21: Comfortably Numb
Summary:
Sirius doesn't recognize himself. He speaks with both of his brothers.
Notes:
Hello, loves! Enjoy a full experience of Commander Sirius Black.
Dialogue in italics is someone speaking over radio.
Full paragraphs in italics are a flashback.
TW: descriptions of depersonalization, brief mentions of abuse from childhood.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain you would not understand
This is not how I am
I have become comfortably numb
-Pink Floyd "Comfortably Numb" 1979
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Location: SS Patronus, Captain's Chambers
Sirius didn’t recognize himself.
He stood in his bathroom on the Patronus.The room was filled with steam from a recent shower, but he was unsure how long he had been there. His skin itched, feeling too tight , and Sirius stepped up to the sink and peered above it. A man stared back at him and frowned. He watched a drop of water slide from a strand of damp hair, falling down a smooth cheek, disappearing down an exposed collarbone. He could feel it, the cool glide of the water drop mirroring what he saw reflected before him. But he didn’t recognize the person in the mirror.
He leaned in closer over the sink, face almost pressed against the reflective pane of glass. Those were his eyes blinking back, steel grey and framed in dark lashes, shared by the Black family. The long black hair hanging past his shoulders was his, waving slightly and shining under the lights. He flicked his gaze up to study the jagged pink line across his hairline, healed but scarred. A faint collection of freckles across high points of cheeks and the bridge of a nose, looking like constellations in the sky.
After their argument yesterday, James had continued to pester him to seek out medical attention for his injuries, clearly out of concern for his friend. However despite the twinge in his knee and scar on his face, Sirius adamantly refused. Because medical treatment would mean that his skin would return to its original state, removing any signs of his time on Earth. The cells would regenerate and erase any blemish or wound on his body, leaving him with skin that had never seen the sun or felt the rain. Skin that would never have been touched by Remus.
Sirius released a sigh–the exhale fogging up the mirror, blocking any further study of his reflection–and padded back into his bed chambers to get dressed. He hesitated at his closet door and turned towards his bed with a wistful pang in his chest. A worn and oversized jumper lay in the middle of the mess of blankets and pillows.
Sirius reached for his formal gear and began the familiar ritual of dressing. He slipped into the dark underclothing and started to attach the external armour, the black material hard enough to withstand the pressure of crushing metal or stray bullet. The pieces interlocked, allowing ease of movement despite the rigid armour. Each addition felt like a second skin, familiar and worn many times over, pieces crafted to fit every curve of his body. But his uniform had never felt so heavy before.
He brushed his hair back into a sleek knot at the nape of his neck, one stray lock of hair left loose to frame his face. He gave a final check in the mirror but quickly averted his gaze when a stranger looked back, cloaked in shadow.
The jumper on the bed received another glance before the commander walked out the door.
His first day back onboard had left him rapidly oscillating between intense joy and suffocating dread. He had effortlessly slipped into his role of leader, his position on the ship ingrained deeply in his bones. Commander Black returning to guide those onboard.
But it didn’t fit anymore, not entirely. Not when he had a tall man trailing beside him, amber eyes wide with shock and amazement. It was unsettling, two separate lives messily blurring into one. The worst part of everything was that Remus had been understanding. He’d taken the lack of affection in stride, offered Sirius reassurance, leaving with a smile and promise of tomorrow. Sirius felt like a part of himself had walked off the ship yesterday evening, nestled away with the retreating figures headed back to the colony.
Sirius paused outside James’ bedchambers, letting himself in when he heard the muffled invite from behind the closed door. His second in command was lounging on his bed wearing his informal uniform, tapping away on a tablet, formal gear laid out for their trip to the colony later that day.
“Morning, Pads! Bloody good to have you back onboard, acting captain was utterly exhausting.”
His chest tightened with affection and he wondered what it might be like to adopt his new knowledge of Earthly affection, briefly pondering how it might feel to envelop his best mate in a tight embrace. Instead he sat on the edge of the bed.
“Cheers, Prongs. I’m going to have you gather the leads for a debrief in 30. I’ll explain more then. But,” he hesitated and glanced towards James with a frown. “We can’t tell them that we’re considered traitors to the empire. If there’s a spy, they’ll wonder how we got that information and I can’t put Regulus at risk.”
James let out a curse and ran a hand through his hair. “That’s fine, we can keep it quiet for now. I’ll go gather everyone.”
“Thanks, mate. I was going to see if I could contact Reggie, do you have my comm?”
His private comm device was returned to him and James left with the intention of gathering up the other executive officers, leaving Sirius privacy to make his call. He powered on the screen and released a relieved breath when a green light indicated that the connecting comm was on and ready to receive incoming transmissions. He cleared his throat and relaxed back on James’ bed.
“Hello, Reggie.”
He waited for a moment, the open transmission filling the room with white noise, before a monotone response echoed back from the device.
“Ah. Potter said you were alive but I wasn’t sure if I believed him.”
“It’s true. Rather annoying for whoever wanted me dead, I suppose.”
“Yes, though labelling you as a deserter was a solid back up plan.”
He hummed dryly in agreement, but waited, knowing that Regulus despised small talk and would want to dive into the important topics without any delay.
“Sirius, I’ve been listening. There’s a war brewing, but it isn’t like last time. More dangerous in its subtlety, not outright declared.”
“What have you been hearing?”
“Not much. But there’s whispers of a radical group, they call themselves the Death Eaters. Their underlying goal is to cease any co-existence efforts with the Raiders. That’s all I know.”
“And how, my brilliant brother, does this pertain to the attempt on my life?”
“Don’t mistake what I’m about to say as a compliment, it’s merely fact. Sirius, you are charming. You’re a person who commands attention and people willingly follow you. If a group is attempting to spur a covert war, they cannot risk having another leader swaying minds when you take a seat in government.”
Ah. Of course. “So they’ve opted for the spare, then,” he acknowledged, his brother now replacing his place in government when he came of age. Those who didn’t know Regulus saw him as someone passive, easily manipulated. Much more tempting to have in their pocket.
“I believe so. Though I’m sure father is pleased to hold his seat until I’m old enough.”
“Spending a lot of time with our dear parents, little brother?” He knew Regulus would understand the underlying meaning behind his question, years of co-survival drafting their perfected communication. Are you safe?
“Mother and father have been far too busy with important matters to spend time at home.”
In other words: Yes. For now.
Tension left his body with the reassurance that his brother wasn’t in any immediate harm. While they had a complicated relationship, they shared a bond forged from pain. A sick sense of solidarity and underlying need to keep the other safe.
“Thank you for your help, Reggie.” The transmission went quiet, likely due to discomfort caused from Sirius’ outright gratitude.
“Right. I’ll keep listening, keep you updated on what I hear. You’ll be staying on Earth?”
“For the time being, yes.”
“Mmm. Until next time, brother.”
The transmission abruptly ended and Sirius hopped swiftly to his feet, tucking the device away in a slot on his belt. It was useful having information about what was happening in the stars, but it did little for their current situation.
His executive crew were relaxing in the debriefing room, having been gathered by James, and they snapped to attention when their captain entered through the door. He sat at the head of the table and received a round of cheery greetings and Dorcas passed him a cup of coffee made to his liking.
He cleared his throat, removing a lump that had formed at the affection from his crew. “Right, you sods. We came to Earth to do a job and we’re going to follow through with it despite the delay.” He peered around and met each lead officials’ gaze, giving James and Marlene a silent command to remain quiet, the only two clued in on the suspicion behind his crash. “We’ll meet with the Earth colony leaders today and request permission to gather our research while we’re here.”
“But there’s something else we need to do.” Six curious faces looked back at him and Sirius took a deep breath. “We’ll be siding with the Earth colony in a fight.”
He held up a hand, immediately silencing the loud overlapping voices that erupted at his announcement. “Listen. A neighbouring colony is threatening an attack in just over a week’s time because of me. I killed two of their people and they wanted me delivered to them. A fight could easily be prevented if they handed me over, but they haven’t. It’s our duty to offer them aid.”
Understanding quickly settled over the crew, recognizing the loyalty the Earth colony had shown towards their captain. He was met with resounding agreement and instructed them to gear up and meet in the hangar in one hour with a Planetary Transportation Vehicle ready to travel to the inner colony centre. “Oh,” he called out, pausing his dismissed crew with a firm look. “There will be no need to bring any weapons with us today.”
Kingsley had argued the no weapon rule and Sirius compromised by pretending he didn’t see the Security Officer strap a lethal but stealthy blade along his arm. His lead officials geared up, their uniforms similar to his own but in various shades of grey, and piled into a PTV for the quick journey.
The drive to the inner colony wall was unsettling, Sirius having unknowingly grown used to the jostling movements of a rover as it navigated the rough terrain. Instead their trip was smooth, their transportation craft gliding smoothly above the ground, and they arrived at the colony centre much faster than he expected.
His executive crew was made up of professionals, but Sirius knew them well enough to see the underlying awe they experienced at witnessing life on Earth. James was rapidly scanning the area with his glasses, eyebrows raised in approval. He could hear Marlene’s surprised curses muttered in the seat behind him, and Peter’s quiet gasps of intrigue. He felt a flicker of pride, desperately wanting his crew to appreciate the Earth colony as if it was his own home. Sirius directed Fabian to park the PTV outside the mechanic hall and suffered a sharp pang of disappointment when he noticed a certain rover was missing.
Their arrival to the centre had stirred up a bit of a fuss in the colony, various Earthlings watching the hovering vehicle filled with celestials with wide eyes. It felt wrong, these people he had grown to know over several weeks staring at him as if he was someone unfamiliar. Sirius instructed his crew to disembark and pushed back the discomfort of having a captive audience, gesturing towards the canteen where the Leaders were awaiting their arrival.
“Sirius!”
He whirled towards the shout of his name and brightened when he saw Benjy and Malcolm bounding towards him in excitement.
However the Pack members’ approach caused a sudden chain reaction, an ingrained response to protect Sirius from a potential threat. Kingsley and James stepped in front of their captain, Fabian and Marlene closing in close behind him. The young Watchers faltered at the movement and looked at each other in confusion.
“Stand down.” His crew relaxed at his command and he flashed a grin towards the teenagers, who regarded him warily. “Cheers, mates. Alright?”
“Er—we wanted to tell ya that we were plannin’ on havin’ a bonfire out on the ag fields tonight. Wanna invite you and your crew to join us. If that’s alrigh’?”
Sirius internally winced at the uncertainty in Malcolm’s voice, uncharacteristic for the bold boy. “Sounds absolutely brilliant, great idea. We’ll be there.” he promised with a reassuring smile. The two boys perked up slightly at his response and dashed off with a promise of letting other colony folks know about the plan.
“Listen, you lot.” Sirius directed his statement towards his crew with all the authority he could muster. “The people here have taken care of me for almost three weeks and I’ll not have you scaring them off. We are under no threat while we are within these walls, is that understood?”
He received an echoing chorus of ‘yes, captain’ (varying in elements of scepticism) and set off on a determined trek across the quad, the sound of obedient footsteps trailing behind him.
The canteen had been reserved, cleared out and rearranged to accommodate the formal meeting. The tables were connected to form a large rectangle, food laid out on the surfaces and dishware set for a meal, seven open chairs ready for guests. All of the colony Leaders were present and turned towards the door at their entrance, the Head Counsellor sitting directly across the room.
And for the first time in his life, Sirius found that he had caught Minerva Mcgonagall off guard. Her eyes met his and shifted to either side, watching his crew taking their positions to flank their captain. She set her tea cup down as if taking a moment to collect herself.
“Commander Black, welcome.”
“Minerva,” he called back kindly and took an open seat, his crew quickly following suit after he had sat down. Sirius allowed Dorcas to step in to fulfil her role as Operational Support and Hospitality, the woman giving formal gratitude towards the colony and introducing the other lead officials before starting to eat.
The meal was awkward at first, as if the Leaders weren’t sure how to navigate a lunch with a group from outer space. (Which, in complete fairness, they never had a prior opportunity to play host before.) But the group quickly warmed up, gently guided by Dorcas’ charisma and James’ infectious joy.
Sirius finished off his plate, mentally reminding himself to thank the cooks for the meal, and settled back in his seat. He cleared his throat softly and looked towards the Head Counsellor. His crew quickly paused their conversation and directed their focus his way. The colony members took a moment to realise that the celestials had fallen quiet, attention fixated on their captain, but the room gradually became silent for his announcement.
“Thank you again for the meal, we appreciate it,” Sirius began. “And everything you have done for me while I’ve been here. There are, however, a few matters I wanted to discuss with you all.” He cocked a brow towards the Head Counsellor and received a nod to continue. “Our original mission was to gather data from Earth, and we would like to begin our research process with your permission?”
“What would that require?”
Sirius gestured towards Peter, who eagerly chimed in, explaining the tasks his research team would take to collect information and the various tests that would be conducted. He quickly reassured that the process would leave no damage. The room filled with quiet debate from the Leaders and ended with a unanimous vote in agreement. Peter beamed and Sirius chimed his thanks, acknowledging that the research results would be shared with the colony.
“Is your ship plannin’ on stayin’ in our field, boy?”
The question was barked from the corner of the room and Sirius turned towards Mad-Eye’s questioning stare.
“We’re willing to move, sir. Yet that brings us to the other matter I wanted to discuss. The Patronus would like to offer assistance against the fight with the southerners.”
This announcement caused a bigger reaction and Minerva eventually had to call everyone to attention, urging the Leaders to settle. “We’d appreciate the help,” the Head Counsellor relented but fixed him with a questioning look. “But I cannae help but ask why?”
Sirius looked past Minerva and focused on the Lead Watcher with a smirk. “Because the people under my protection are never left to fend for themselves.”
Mad-Eye’s face screwed up in an echoing smile, followed by a single nod of recognition.
They finished the meeting agreeing to have his Security Officer meet with the Watchers and share combat knowledge, giving the colony approval to use their weapons and Kingsley’s soldiers as needed. Minerva reminded the celestials that they had free reign of the colony and they were kindly offered a tour of the centre. He quickly sent his mates off with the Lead Builder to explore Earthly Living, citing that he was already well acquainted with the colony.
But in complete honesty, Sirius had noticed a familiar rover parked outside the barracks hall and was consumed with all sudden yearning. He set off on a frantic search, checking the barracks and Watch tower for a head of tawny curls, but let out a defeated groan when his search yielded no results.
He stomped back across the centre quad in frustration, muttering a curse directed towards his elusive partner.
“Need directions, spaceman?”
Sirius whipped around towards the voice so fast he almost fell into an ungraceful sprawl in the gravel. Remus was leaning his tall frame against the side of the mechanic hall, a plume of smoke exhaling around a playful smile. The absolute tosser.
“You bastard,” Sirius gasped and strode towards him. Remus let out a grunt from the impact of a fierce embrace. “How long were you watching me run around like a bloody fool?”
He felt the rumble of laughter in Remus’ chest and a strong arm wrapped around him. “Only for a moment, eh? Thought I’d have a smoke and enjoy the view.”
“Utter bastard,” Sirius muttered again, burying his face against his neck. He leaned up and pulled Remus into a desperate kiss, the man tasting like smoke and tea. This was something he recognized. Something comforting and familiar. “Missed you,” he whispered against warm lips.
“I missed you more than you know, cariad.” Remus stamped out the smoking object in his fingers under his boot and brought his newly free hand up to tuck the stray lock of hair behind Sirius’ ear. “Alri?”
Sirius blinked back rapidly pooling tears and shook his head. “Nothing fits anymore. I—.” Amber eyes studied him in concern. “I don’t know who I am.” He faltered and fell silent, not having the words to further explain how shaken he felt.
“I know who you are.” A rough thumb brushed over his cheek and Remus smiled his stunning crooked grin. “You’re Sirius Black. A commander. And my star.”
“I don’t know how to be both.”
“You are both. You’re always my star. You dun have to do anything,” Remus promised and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“Even like this?” Sirius gestured to his austere appearance. “You can still see me?”
“Aye. Even if the world went silent and dark I’d still recognize you.”
Sirius closed his eyes and released a shaky exhale, the tether in his chest giving a sharp tug. He had needed to hear that, the reassurance that he was still known. He drank in the affection emanating from his partner through grounding touch.
“Meetin’ go alrigh’?”
He hummed an affirmative and opened his eyes, locks of hair falling forward to frame his face as Remus undid the knot at the nape of his neck. Warm hands gently raked across his head, coaxing the natural waves back into his hair. “Mhm, we got permission to gather data, keep the crew busy while we figure things out. They’re getting a tour of the colony now. And–” Sirius hesitated and fixed Remus with a determined look. “We offered our services to help in the fight against the southern colony.”
Remus paused in his delicate touches, an expression of shock taking over his features. “Ah. I reckon that shouldn’t surprise me.” He pressed a tender kiss against Sirius’ forehead. “So we’ll have celestials hangin’ around for a bit longer then, eh?” Sirius smiled, hearing the underlying relief in the Watcher’s voice.
“Come to the bonfire tonight?” he pleaded quietly. Remus let out a scoff and shook his head in mock disappointment.
“Like I could miss a chance to see ya? Christ. I’ll be there.”
A smooth stream of Latin fell from his lips, voicing a blessing directed towards the stars for gifting him this radiant man. They eventually parted ways with a promise to connect that evening, regretfully pulling away from lingering kisses.
Sirius’ crew was still otherwise occupied so he set off with another mission in mind. He sauntered through the health hall and flashed a charming smile at the sight of a red-headed healer cursing over a mess of herbs.
“Cheers, Lilika.”
He had the pleasure of watching Lily’s green eyes widen in astonishment as they roamed over his figure leaning against the doorway.
“Christ alive, look at you. ” She lit up, a suspiciously wicked smile developing across her face. “Hullo, captain.” Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes, clearly influenced by his snarky partner, but jumped when Lily reached out a calloused hand to inspect his gear. She studied the interlocking armour and hummed in approval. “Ya look good, Sirius.”
He blinked in surprise at the compliment. “Oh. Thank you.” Sirius cleared his throat and the healer raised an eyebrow in question. “I wanted to invite you to the bonfire the Pack is having out on the fields tonight.”
Lily let out an impressive scoff and smacked his armoured shoulder, wincing at the sting on her palm. “You tit.”
He let out a loud bark of laughter at the insult and shook his head in confusion. “I don’t deny it, but what did I do this time?” He received an Unamused Look.
“Like I needed an invitation to come see ya tonight? Please.”
He shook with more laughter. “You sound like Remus.”
Lily waved a hand with a scowl, dismissing his comment as if it was an insult. “I’ll see ya tonight. I’ll catch a ride with that lanky man.”
Sirius shared a snicker with the healer and raised an arched eyebrow. “James will be there, you know. I believe he’s a bit terrified of you.” He didn’t miss the blush that settled across her freckled cheeks and tilted his head in question.
“He should be,” she sniffed, turning her face back towards her prior task to hide her flush.
“Mhm.” He allowed himself a smug look before shifting into a more serious cadence. “I need to head back to my ship, but before I leave I do have one favour to request of you, my dazzling Lilosa.”
Sirius left the health hall, seeing his crew gathering in the distance, and snapped his shoulder armour back into place with a satisfied click. He was immediately assaulted by cries of disbelief and amazement, his crew rambling about the impressive life forged on their origin planet. Marlene grudgingly praised the elaborate use of solar and filtration of salt water to power the colony, while Kingsley verbally expressed his ideas regarding security improvement, clearly thrilled at the challenge.
And his darling James, for once in his life, was sitting in absolute silence with a content smile fixed across his face.
The rest of his crew onboard the Patronus were thrilled at the news that a relaxing evening was planned with the colony folk. As dusk fell, Sirius heard the commotion of various personnel gathering blankets and food to take out to the fields, voices chiming with infectious excitement. He turned towards his door at the sound of someone’s arrival.
“Hullo, Prongs.”
“Cap.” James flashed a beaming smile. “Bonfire has started, there’s loads of folks outside. You coming out?”
He nodded in agreement. “I’ll join shortly, give the crew a chance to settle without their captain present.” James voiced his understanding, knowing that it was difficult to fully relax with a leader looming over their shoulders. He departed with a wave and cheery encouragement to not take too long.
He waited for night to officially fall, and raised himself off his bed. Sirius began to leave but turned back with a swift decision. He undressed, pulling on his informal trousers and a certain oversized jumper over his head.
The night air was filled with joyous shouts and the smell of burning wood, his crew mingling with colony members, the group lit up under a flickering orange glow. The bonfire had transformed into one large fire with various small fires across the field to accommodate the large gathering. He responded to multiple greetings, pausing to have short conversations with the people he had grown to know over the past weeks. Sirius smiled, seeing the Pack engaging with some of the younger members of his crew, feeling like his two worlds fit together after all.
“Wotcher, spaceman.” Sirius grinned, finally finding the person he wanted to see most. Remus sat near a smaller fire, his scarred face illuminated by the flames. Lily huddled against his side and Sirius was pleasantly surprised to see James and Marlene lounging with them.
“Cheers, captain,” he greeted Remus with a smile and settled down onto the grass next to the Watcher, James on his other side.
“Lookin’ good, Starboy,” Remus smirked and raised an eyebrow at his change of clothing. “Nice sweater.”
“Oh this?” Sirius looked down at his jumper in mock surprise. “This is nothing. Just something some giant gave to me. Out of pity, I’m sure.”
“Mhm.” Sirius could see a playful twinkle in Remus’ eye from the light of the fire. “Tell me. Does your crew know how feckin’ mean you are?”
Sirius let out a loud gasp, his mouth forming an inescapable smile. “Oh don’t even get me started, Lupin. You absolute bully. If anyone is mean… I could name a number of things you’ve said to me, the horror of them all.” He shook his head in feigned disappointment.
Sirius delighted in seeing Remus shaking in laughter and powered on, leaning in to his talent of overreacting. “You not only denied me weapons and vowed to push me out of a moving rover, but also took a lot of pleasure in threatening to shave my head.”
Remus sputtered in offence. “I didn’t say I would shave your head! Just give it a cut, eh?”
“Aha!” Sirius crowed in delight and pointed towards the man with a smirk. “You admit it! A complete bastard, honestly.”
He heard a loud scoff and swallowed down a loud bark of laughter at Remus’ inability to hide his smile. “Fine. Ya can find another person to steal clothing from, eh?”
“Oh I don’t know about that,” Sirius relented and settled back with a soft grin. “You have the best clothes.”
“Merlin, you two! If Pads and I weren’t brothers I’d be worried about you replacing me as his best mate!”
Sirius jumped at the loud exclamation, having forgotten that he and Remus weren’t alone. He turned towards their companions who had been watching the two men bicker with rampant amusement. The group burst out into laughter at James pretending to wipe tears from underneath his glasses. Sirius frowned, wondering why the comment had caused a harsh tug to form in his stomach and snuck a cheeky glimpse of Remus’ face. The man appeared unfazed, his face lit up from his own laughs.
The discomfort lingered in his gut as the night wore on, buried underneath the joy of seeing how well Marlene and James meshed with the two Earthlings. They bonded over shared stories of childhood antics, sharing with one another their lives spent in the stars and on the ground. The crowd gradually dwindled as people went off to bed, and they eventually acknowledged the need to turn in when the Pack doused the large bonfire. James and Marlene chimed a good night and Sirius helped Remus put out their own fire, covering the smouldering flames in dirt. He received a warm wave from Lily and she excused herself towards the rover, leaving him and the Watcher to have a moment alone.
A few crew from the Patronus lingered, so Remus fixed him with a tender gaze from a distance. “Good night, my star. Sleep well.”
“Good night, darling.” The man winked with a crooked grin and left to join his friend, swinging an arm around her petite shoulders as they made their way across the field.
He robotically made his way back to the captain’s chambers and fell onto his plush bed, feeling empty. His mind circled back to the earlier statement from James and he winced in pain. Now alone with his thoughts he realised why. Because the truth was that Remus wasn’t his friend. To call him that felt like a betrayal of everything they shared, minimising the depths of his feelings towards the man. It was unfair, Sirius knew, to pretend otherwise. He needed James to know what Remus meant to him. He stared up at his glass ceiling, tracing the stars in the sky, anxiety rising to fill his body. Would James understand? He closed his eyes and lost himself in ten long years of memories of their relationship, something secure that had only solidified over time.
“Mr. Black, your punishment will be to clean out the ventilation filters in the west wing.” Sirius felt his entire body freeze in shock. “Mr. Black? Do you understand? You’ll work until you’ve cleaned every single one.”
“Yes, ma’am. I understand,” he whispered. His instructor fixed him with a stern gaze and left him to complete his detention. But he felt on edge, as if there was a catch just waiting around the corner. Because this wasn’t punishment. Not when he’d disrupted an entire class lesson by filling the ventilation system with sulphur. The punishment didn’t fit the crime. Not like at home where a simple misspoken word at the dinner table led to 24 hours spent in the sensory deprivation tank. Or forgetting to button his dress robes led to the removal of all the fingernails on his hand.
He was pulled out of his mental spiral by the whoosh of the west wing doors sliding open. Sirius turned around, heart racing, but frowned in confusion when James Potter waltzed over to his side, moving rather confidently for an eleven year old.
“What are you doing here, James?”
He looked around and groaned. “Cleaning the vents are we? Well. Let’s get started.” Sirius stared at the boy in complete bafflement. “What?” James flashed a smile and shook his head fondly. “We did the prank together, I’m not going to let you go down for it on your own.”
Oh. Sirius raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “You’ll willingly do detention, even though you didn’t get caught?”
The smile on James’ face transformed into a determined expression. “We’re mates. I’ll stick by your side till the very end.”
Sirius opened his eyes and sighed. James had. He’d been a constant by his side ever since that first year in Academy, never faltering on his promise. Sirius felt his gut churn with the fear that perhaps he had finally found the one thing that would break that bond. But he owed it to James to take the chance, to trust that his unwavering support could withstand something more. Something too important to be left unsaid.
He sat up and swiftly made his way to the bridge, moving quickly before his nerves took over. Sirius peered into the computer room off the bridge entrance. James was exactly where he’d expected, his best mate fiddling with the Patronus analytics, ensuring things were running smoothly.
“Prongs?” Sirius called for his attention quietly.
James hummed in question but continued messing about with his analysis screen.
“James.” He called a bit louder, heart beating an anxious thrum in his throat.
His second in command snapped up at the seriousness of his captain’s voice and frowned. He turned to face him and pushed his glasses up on his head, offering undivided attention. “Sirius? What’s wrong?”
Sirius faltered and grimaced. “I need to tell you something. About Remus and me.”
“Okay,” James nodded slowly, encouraging him to continue. “What is it, Pads?”
Bugger. He considered the best way to explain the news but really there was no easy way to approach it. Perhaps it was better to toss it out in all its entirety and then scramble away from the damage it caused. He took a deep breath.
“I love Remus.” Sirius was proud when the statement came out confidently, not a single nerve apparent in his voice. Because he was confident in that.
James simply raised his eyebrows and nodded again. “I know, I love him too. He’s a brilliant bloke, really.”
Well. Bollocks. Apparently his direct approach hadn’t been clear enough. “No, James. Remus and I aren’t just friends.”
His mate shook his head in confusion. Sirius groaned and waved his hands in exasperation, feeling his face heat with a blush.
“Listen. You know those colonists that we help settle? They’re all happy, get permission to have children and get married, start a home together? They start a relationship, because they love each other.” He hesitated a bit. “We aren’t married. But, James.” Sirius fixed his mate with a desperate glance, begging him to understand. “Remus and I are tethered, our souls are entwined, the same stardust finally finding home.”
James gaped at him, in complete and utter shock, the use of words from an ancient celestial wedding ceremony finally clarifying his point.
“Oh.” His second in command looked away and ran his hands through his hair. “That’s–oh. I don’t know what to say,” he admitted in apology.
Sirius felt his stomach drop, but nodded. “It’s alright. You don’t have to say anything, or approve. I just wanted you to know. It felt wrong, not telling you.”
“Sirius.”
“What,” he sniffed, sounding a bit stiff.
“I told you I like Remus. I might not understand, but give me a bit. It’s just–new. You both being blokes, I need to wrap my mind around it all. But I’d never disapprove. Not if you really feel that way.”
Sirius blinked in shock. He felt a bit faint.
“You don’t disapprove.”
James frowned, looking a little disappointed. “You were really that worried to tell me, Pads?”
He felt himself nod and navigated towards the chair next to his best mate, sinking down to sit on shaking legs. “I know it’s something we don’t really understand. Not in space. But I knew I needed to tell you.”
He heard James hum softly in thought. “True. It’s different, but I mean what I said. I’ll support you no matter what, Sirius.”
Sirius looked up and flashed a grateful grin. “Until the very end?”
James gave a firm nod. “Till the very end.”
Notes:
"Even if the world went silent and dark I’d still recognize you."
REMUS. Christ, you can't just say things like that!!! Gah.
Comments appreciated, thank you for reading! <3
Chapter 22: Learning to Fly
Summary:
Remus has a heart to heart with James.
Sirius and Remus practice the art of vulnerability.
Notes:
Hullo!
This chap is a small drop of plot and a ridiculous amount of fluff and smut.
Officially the first explicit chapter, tags adjusted accordingly. (Not the most explicit thing I've read on AO3 but I'm being cautious since it's a big shift for this fic)
TW: sexual content, biting, light dom/sub. Praise kink. Maybe some spit kink if you squint. Beginning of explicit content will be marked with an * and increase to a *** marking as it gets more graphic. Consent is clearly given!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
There's no sensation to compare with this
Suspended animation, a state of bliss
Can't keep my mind from the circling sky
Tongue-tied and twisted, just an earth-bound misfit, I
-Pink Floyd "Learning to Fly" 1987
Remus grunted, a bead of sweat trickling down his temple as he loaded the heavy repair kit into his rover. The colony had eight days until they hit the deadline imposed by the southerners, though spirits had risen when the news of the celestials’ support had spread throughout the colony. Unfortunately his time had been dedicated to repairing the outer barricade the past 48 hours and he’d missed out on any chances of seeing Sirius. So Remus was fucking overjoyed when he found his arms suddenly filled by a young captain.
“Christ!” He gasped out a laugh, his back digging into the side of his rover from the impact of the celestial’s launch. Sirius beamed up at him, face flush and eyes bright with amusement. Remus couldn’t help but feel a wave of relief, the young captain looking much more relaxed and confident compared to the last time they met in the centre. He took in the celestial’s attire, narrowing his eyes playfully at the sweater that had absolutely been stolen from his own bedroom.
“Remus.” Sirius gave a beautiful pout. “I haven’t seen you in ages.”
He hummed, feeling fond amusement at his partner’s dramatics, but couldn’t help but agree. It had been too long. Sirius lifted himself up on his toes and Remus gifted him a sweet kiss for his efforts, lingering against soft lips. He had a fleeting image of bending down to lift Sirius up by the thighs and pressing his back into the rover, wanting to show the man how much he was missed. The sound of approaching footsteps quickly halted his plans, and he looked over Sirius’ head to see James making his way towards them.
Remus reeled his head back and felt alarm rising rapidly through his body. “Sirius, James is coming.” He attempted to create some distance between them, but he was trapped, Sirius stubbornly clinging to his shoulders. “Sirius.”
“It’s alright.” He looked down in confusion, silver eyes shining up at him brightly. “I told him. About us.”
“You told him,” he echoed faintly. Sirius hummed cheerfully and leaned back up for another kiss, but Remus felt frozen in disbelief. He heard a quiet grumble at his lack of response and Sirius nuzzled his nose against his face, silently encouraging him to return the embrace. He relented, offering a chaste kiss that seemed to appease the man.
Sirius drew back with a grin. “We’re going to meet with Mad-Eye and discuss the training for tomorrow morning. Since I have to be here early, I was thinking I might as well spend the night in the centre.”
“Probably a good idea, knowing how hard it is for you to wake up in the morning, Padfoot.” James had finally reached them and was leaning casually against the back of his vehicle. The man kept averting his gaze from the two of them, a bright blush staining his cheeks, but he had a kind smile.
Remus was having trouble collecting his thoughts. Sirius had told James. He blinked back down towards his partner who was growing concerned at his continued silence.
“Is it alright that I told him about us?” he whispered.
“Aye,” Remus agreed quietly and felt his heart tighten with gratitude.
“Brilliant,” Sirius chirped, flashing a beaming smile. He released Remus from his pinned position and sauntered over to join his friend. “I’ll see you later, darling!”
He watched their retreating figures in a state of shock, the pair laughing brightly as they meandered towards the Watch tower. Remus released a breathless laugh. Once again surprised by Sirius Black.
The rest of his day passed quickly, the knowledge of spending the evening with Sirius significantly brightening his mood. It was refreshing to feel excited, as the baseline mood for the majority of the colony had shifted to anticipatory anxiety as the days to the attack grew closer.
Despite the growing stress, the initial panic over having a possible leak within their colony had lessened over the past week. Sirius’ signal had been working to scramble long distance transmissions which reduced significant worry regarding scouts overhearing possible conversations. But the majority of relief had come from Kingsley, the Security Officer from the Patronus. He’d offered a calm and logical presence with a vast amount of knowledge on how to reinforce their colony for possible methods of attack. Yet his most successful suggestion had been to plant false information throughout the colony in attempt to locate the spy. Thankfully no scouts had responded to the fake perimeter watches, reassuring that the southerner’s source likely hadn’t come from behind colony walls.
At least they hoped.
Remus finished up his repairs outside the outer colony wall and flashed a signal towards Caradoc that he was headed home. He got a confirmation sign back in return and set off, eager to get back to the colony centre. However his rover made a concerning sound and a warning light went off on his dash.
“For fucksake,” he groaned, resigned that his work wasn’t yet over for the day. He made it to the mechanic hall and received a diagnosis of a shattered solar panel. The lad working promised to have it fixed the next day if Remus was able to disconnect it from the rover that evening.
The panel was deceptively heavy and he huffed out an impressive string of swears that would’ve caused his ma great disappointment if she’d been anywhere within his vicinity. Remus lugged the fucker into the mechanic hall, dumping it with a glare, and gave his strained muscles a much needed stretch.
“Sirius seems really happy.”
Remus startled and turned around to see James leaning up against the door frame, a curious smile on his face. His glasses were pushed up on his head, allowing his eyes to be seen clearly for the first time.
Remus was painfully aware that this was the first time he’d been alone with the man. That fact alone was intimidating, but James knew about his relationship with Sirius. He swallowed back a surge of nerves and insecurities, raising an eyebrow in question. “Does he?”
James nodded and took his response as an invitation and entered the room to sit down beside him. He studied the rover panel with interest. “I’ve never seen him like this before,” James continued softly. He glanced towards Remus and gave a small shrug. “I’ve known him a long time. Sirius seems different. Free.”
“Free?” Remus parroted back in confusion.
The celestial next to him sighed and reached out to start repairing the broken panel, apparently capable of fixing whatever he could get his hands on.
“Padfoot has never had a chance to be free. Merlin knows he couldn’t be growing up. Not in that bloody family.” Remus frowned at the pointed comment, painfully curious about the home Sirius had come from. But he also recognized that it wasn’t James’ story to tell.
The celestial continued on, focused on his repairs and oblivious to the Watcher’s silent pondering. “And in Academy there was so much structure, too many rules. He found some freedom on the Patronus, but even then he’s still stuck within whatever role he’s supposed to play.” Remus was suddenly the recipient of a determined hazel gaze. “Until he met you. You helped him.”
Remus shifted uncomfortably, the weight of that statement settling over him. “I didn’t do anythin’ special.”
“No,” James replied, his face breaking out into a huge smile. “You didn’t have to. I can see how much you care about him.”
“Aye, more than anything.” That was an easier statement to consider.
James gave a content nod and returned his focus back towards the almost completed repair. Remus couldn’t help but feel a bit guarded. He knew that Sirius cared for James and his opinion carried a significant amount of weight. If he didn’t approve…
“You alrigh’ with us bein’ together?”
“Of course.” James gave him an incredulous look with a scoff. “I’ll stand by Sirius no matter what. Even if I might not understand, it doesn’t mean it’s wrong . I trust him. Which means I trust you.”
Remus opened and closed his mouth, thoroughly floored by the confidence that radiated from the man. James finished fixing the solar panel with a pleased grunt and looked around the space as if looking for something else to tinker with.
Remus hesitated but took a chance, feeling that they’d reach a point of mutual understanding. “James? Sirius said something about us being tethered?”
James whipped back to face him quickly and gave a serious nod. “Yes. Don’t worry, he told me.”
“Er–well, actually I was wondering if ya could tell me what that really means? He never fully explained.”
“Oh.” James ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stand on end, nearly knocking off his glasses in the process. “Right. Well in complete honesty I’m not a religious bloke myself, but I understand the concept so bare with me, alright?”
Remus laughed softly and nodded, encouraging him to continue.
“Bollocks. I don’t know how much my mate has told you, but essentially we have this belief, origin story or whatever, that we originate from stars.”
“Stardust.” Remus recalled a quiet conversation he’d had with Sirius under the night sky, feeling absolutely awestruck by the celestial laying next to him.
“Right,” James snapped his fingers and pointed one towards him in agreement. “Exactly. So, how to explain a tether?” he mused out loud, popping his lips in thought.
“Well, Pads and I are tethered. And as I said, I’m not a religious bloke, but even I agreed when Sirius mentioned it. It’s this feeling—” James placed his hand on his chest. “A feeling that Sirius and I are brothers, despite not being related by blood.”
The celestial looked down at the hand on his chest and smiled fondly. “The general idea is that the stars Sirius and I originated from were brothers, stars next to each other in the sky. So we recognize each other as that.”
It was beautiful. Remus felt his own heart lurch at the thought, seeing the bond between the two men even more clearly than he had before.
“But,” he continued with a flap of his hand. “There’s also this other part. We believe that all people are stardust, but also all things, all places. You know that feeling when you go to a new place, but it feels familiar?” James raised an eyebrow and Remus nodded. “That feeling of knowing and belonging? When that happens it means that whatever that place or thing is, it came from the same star that you did. So you feel complete. Reunited, connected again.”
James fixed him with a knowing glance and Remus sucked in a breath, his eyes pricking with the threat of tears. “When Sirius says that you and him are tethered, he means you came from the same star. Finally finding each other again in this life. Finding home.”
Remus felt hot tears slide down his cheeks. “Oh,” he said faintly, reaching a hand up to scrub at his eyes. “That’s–”
“A load of tosh?”
Remus laughed. “No, it’s–I think I understand. I feel that way too.”
James smiled smugly and leaned back on his hands. “Thought so.”
A frantic feeling began to rise in his chest and Remus hopped up to his feet. “Thank you, James, but I–I need to go find Sirius now.” James chimed his understanding, wishing him a good night, and Remus turned to head out of the mechanic hall. He quickly turned back towards James and called out in parting. “I reckon Lils could use some help in the health hall. Wanna go lend a hand?” The last thing he saw was the celestial perking up in agreement.
Remus left in a rush, heart thundering loudly in his chest, a desperate need to see Sirius and hold him filling his entire body. He approached the barracks and peered into the den, spying Tonks and Sion lounging on the sofa.
“Have you seen Sirius?” he asked breathlessly.
“He’s upstairs,” Tonks beamed. “Was lookin’ for ya.”
Remus was already halfway up the stairs before they had finished speaking, taking multiple steps at a time. He reached his bedroom and threw open the door, hoping that the celestial was inside rather than his room another floor up. A relieved breath escaped his mouth at the sight of Sirius curled up on his bed draped in one of Remus’ sweaters looking soft and content.
Sirius looked up and a smile broke out over his face. “Hullo, darling! I was–”
Remus crossed the room in two large strides and cupped the man’s face in his hands, crashing their lips together in a searing kiss, interrupting his greeting. He felt Sirius scramble to grab the front of his shirt between his hands, returning the embrace with a surprised whine of approval.
Sirius turned his head slightly to suck in a much needed breath of air and Remus took the opportunity to trail his lips across the smooth planes of his cheeks and the sharp edge of his jaw.
“Wha–” Sirius gasped against his ear, tightening his hold on Remus’ shirt. “Not that I’m complaining, but what has gotten into you?”
Remus pressed their foreheads together panting heavily. “Sirius.” He drew his head back slightly and looked into silver eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Remus.” Sirius sounded incredibly fond if not a little bemused.
He laughed, feeling incredibly light. “I just wanted to tell you.”
Sirius made an amused sound and brushed his cheek lightly. “Well, thank you for telling me. But you know that I already knew that, right?”
Remus laughed again and sat on the bed, burying his face against Sirius, listening to the rapid thrum of his heart. Slender arms wrapped around him to hold him tight. It was true, that despite neither of them having uttered the word out loud, they both had known that they were loved.
“James told me what being tethered meant,” he whispered, safe in his secure embrace.
Sirius tensed up around him. “Oh. I thought you knew.”
Remus breathed in deeply, feeling at home. “I knew. I felt it. But I didn’t fully understand. I understand now.” He withdrew from the celestial’s hold and bent down to remove his boots, before easing himself into the bed to lay next to Sirius.
His partner easily slipped in against him, finding his usual place against his chest. “I’m glad you understand,” he whispered softly and looked up at Remus with wide eyes. Sirius hesitated before leaning in to kiss him gently, holding himself up over Remus.
The touch and taste of Sirius was almost too much, and he sighed as Sirius initiated a deeper kiss, brushing his tongue against Remus’ lip in question. He reached down to firmly grip his narrow waist, stroking his thumb across sharp hip bones. The touch encouraged the celestial and he swung himself fully on top to straddle Remus’ lap. They continued to explore one another with curious caresses gradually increasing in intensity.
Remus slid his hands down Sirius’ back and drifted lower, gently cupping the man’s ass and kneading into the soft flesh. Sirius gave an approving whine at the touch and Remus grinned against his mouth. He sucked suddenly on Sirius’ lower lip and a high moan echoed in the room. A sound he’d certainly never heard Sirius make before. Remus stilled and pulled back, releasing his hands from their hold on his body.
“Why’d you stop?” Sirius whispered, panting lightly, his face flushed.
“Sorry,” Remus replied, finding that he was also breathing a bit heavily. “Got a bit carried away, eh?”
Sirius cocked his head to the side in question, and Remus felt himself soften with fondness. “I love when you do that,” he admitted, tapping the man’s tilted head. Sirius looked absolutely stunning above him. His usual silver eyes darkened to a deep grey, lips swollen and glistening.
His partner apparently had a similar train of thought because he reached down to brush a finger over Remus’ mouth.
“You’re beautiful,” Sirius declared.
The statement caused a visceral reaction, Remus reeling his head back into the pillow in shock.
Sirius frowned. “You’re beautiful,” he repeated, running a finger along the scar bisecting his face. Remus turned his head to the side, blinking rapidly. “My moon?” Sirius called softly.
“Eh?” He turned back to raise an eyebrow up at him in confusion at the name.
Sirius flashed him a dazzling grin. “Well, you have so many wonderful names for me, don’t you, darling? If I’m your star, then you’re my moon. My beautiful moon,” Sirius cooed, running his fingers through his mess of curls.
Remus averted his gaze again, the compliment settling uncomfortably over him. “I‘m not beautiful, Sirius.”
Sirius sat up on his lap and gave a very impressive frown. “Bollocks,” he snapped. “Maybe you don’t think so, but you can’t tell me what I see.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“Oh?” Sirius crossed his arms, fully ready for a fight. “And is there a rule somewhere on Earth that only one bloke can have that title?”
“Dun be an idiot,” Remus scoffed.
“Don’t be a daft bugger, then,” Sirius fired back.
They both narrowed their eyes stuck in a standoff.
Sirius huffed. “Why don’t you believe me?”
“Besides the fact that I’m next to a ‘work of art", eh?” Remus laughed, oh such a self-deprecating laugh. It was impossible not to when he had an ethereal being looming over him. “I’m covered in scars.”
“So?”
Remus frowned.
“How could those take away your beauty? Your beauty is you, not those marks on your face. You bloody daft thing.”
“My beauty is me? What the feck does that mean.”
Sirius hummed happily. “I see you. And you’re stunning, darling. All of you. It shines out through those glorious peepers of yours, comes out when you make one of your fabulous huffs. Your soul is breathtaking.”
Remus was frozen, completely slack-jawed. Apparently at a loss for words.
“Our body is just a vessel, but your soul is the most perfect one I’ve ever had the chance of knowing.” Sirius continued and placed a palm across his chest. “Though,” he added smugly. “Your vessel is lovely too.”
He opened and closed his mouth, struggling with what to say. Because in all honesty he felt overwhelmed, the celestial’s words making him feel close to sobbing.
Sirius appeared to take his silence for what it was and began to map out the scars along his face with delicate touches, his slender fingers cool against his skin. “This is my favourite,” Sirius whispered and leaned in to press his lips against the scar along the corner of his mouth. Remus closed his eyes, breathing shakily. He’d known that Sirius loved to kiss the mark, harsh words of Fenrir Greyback quickly eroding at the man’s loving touch.
Sirius pressed his mouth against the bridge of his nose, moving up to lightly kiss next to the still healing cut along his eyebrow, and back down to find the thin mark on his throat from a dagger held against his skin.
Remus screwed his eyes tightly, a strangled noise slipping from his mouth. Sirius pulled back to peer down at him in concern. “Is this alright?” he asked quietly, a finger absently tracing a jagged scar along his collar bone.
“Aye,” Remus croaked out. “It’s—I’ve never—.” He’d never felt such an intimate touch before, despite his history of sexual partners. He felt naked. Even with the layers of clothing between them.
“Let me show you that I love you, Remus.”
He hitched in a gasp. That’s what this was. Unfiltered love. A tear leaked down from the side of his eye, landing in the hair against his ear. Sirius gave a questioning tug to the collar of his sweater and he realised what the man wanted. The celestial sat back to allow him to tug the clothing up over his head, leaving Remus in a thin short sleeved shirt. He tossed the sweater aside and settled back onto the bed.
Sirius quickly focused his attention on his arms, running silky hands across his rough forearms, memorising the weaving bands of scars. Hands were quickly followed by his lips, the kisses feeling like healing promises pressed into his skin. “I want to map every one of your scars,” Sirius whispered fiercely, nuzzling his face underneath his collarbone, mouthing further at the puckered scar next to his chest, the remnants from a harsh claw tearing into him.
A few more tears dampened his hair, sliding into the soft down of the pillow beneath his head. “Alri’,” Remus agreed, barely able to utter a word. Sirius frantically pulled at his shirt and it soon joined the sweater on the floor. Remus shivered at the cool air, and felt a sudden urge to cover himself, not wanting the flawless man to see the ugly and distorted bites that had stretched along the planes of his body as he grew.
“My moon. So beautiful.” Sirius pressed firm lips against the jagged bite along his side, not shying away from the angry scar. Remus held back a quiet sob and threaded his hands in soft ebony locks, anchoring himself amongst the waves of devotion. Sirius leaned up and kissed the tear tracks along his cheeks.
“Do you have more?” he whispered. Remus nodded silently. “Show me.”
He did. He lay on his stomach, allowing the celestial to absorb the mess of overlapping scars across his back. He removed his pants, giving permission for the man to soothe the slices along his calves and thigh. By this point his tears had dried. The initial overwhelm and fear shifted into acceptance and need, needing to feel Sirius’s warm breath against his skin, washing away any history of pain.
*
Sirius paused in his movements and pressed his lips hesitantly against his hip. He glanced down to see the man nosing questioningly against the band of his boxers. At some point Remus had grown painfully hard, his body’s response to the endless caresses fully on display.
“Don’t worry, my star.” His voice was hoarse from lack of use except for soft gasps and low groans. Sirius brushed a tentative hand along his upper thigh and Remus reached down to pull the man up towards him, kissing him gently. “You’ve already given me so much,” he whispered against plush lips. “More than anyone ever has. I dun need more.”
Sirius gave an unsure sound against his mouth and he kissed him again, firmly. “Really, cariad,” he promised and pulled back to rub his nose gently against Sirius’. “Let me show the same love for you.”
He flipped their position, Sirius landing softly onto the bed now underneath him. The celestial left out a breathless laugh and wiggled into the pillows. Remus smiled fondly and leaned in to kiss the healed wound across the man’s forehead, a memory of their first meeting. “You might not have scars except for this one, but I’d like to know your body too.”
Sirius smiled his grin and leaned up to remove his oversized sweater, leaving him bare chested. Remus roamed his eyes over flawless skin, the soft angles of his chest, the dip of his hips. Dark hair trailed down the man’s pale stomach and disappeared into the waistband of black shorts the celestial had been wearing on his first day in the healing room. The soft outline of his cock clearly visible in the skin tight fabric. Christ.
“Actually,” Sirius whispered, sounding rather sheepish. “There is one more scar.”
Remus met his eyes in confusion and Sirius directed his attention towards his left bicep. A thin pink line, barely the length of his thumb, stood out starkly against the smooth muscle.
He reached out and touched it gently, suddenly realising what the mark meant. “Oh,” Remus blinked in surprise and looked back towards the celestial, who was still studying him hesitantly. “You had it removed?” Sirius nodded shyly. He faltered in surprise but quickly recovered and leaned in to pressed warm lips against the new blemish. He felt Sirius release a sigh as if he had anxiously been waiting for a sign of Remus’ approval.
“It was for me,” Sirius clarified as Remus trailed his lips up over his muscled shoulder. “I didn’t want a device controlling my body.”
Remus hummed in understanding and placed an open mouth kiss against the juncture of his shoulder and neck, feeling the celestial shiver beneath him. “Remus?” Sirius whispered and tilted his head back, silently requesting more kisses. “Is it later yet?” He drew back to look down at the dark-haired man sprawled beneath him, raising an eyebrow in question.
“Well,” Sirius shifted nervously. “You mentioned that I mark easily. I might not have any more scars, but maybe you could give me some marks of my own?”
Remus had to hold back a groan at the sudden surge of heat the quiet request had flooded through him. He ignored the building desire to claim and consume, and instead gently brushed Sirius’ mussed hair out of his eyes.
“I want to make sure that you know what that means.” He hushed Sirius’ cry of dismay, placing a finger against his pouting mouth. “Nuh. Let me show you, eh? I’ll teach ya how to give me a mark, see if it’s something you want.”
He sat up, kneeling on either side of Sirius’ waist, and flashed a teasing grin. “Where do you want to put it, Starboy?”
Sirius blinked up at him with wide eyes. Remus grinned harder at the man’s silence. “What about here,” he suggested quietly, trailing his own hand down the edge of his neck slowly. He saw the bob of Sirius’ throat as he swallowed harshly and gave a slight shake of his head. “No? Here?” Remus whispered and dragged his hand down lower, tracing along his collarbone. Sirius released a shaky breath and reached up to touch the soft flesh above his collar, the area that he’d first bitten, nodding in approval.
Remus leaned down and angled his head to the side, offering up the chosen skin. “Bite first,” he instructed with a low whisper against Sirius’ ear. “And then suck.” He let out a quiet hum when sharp teeth nipped at his sensitive skin, followed by a tentative pressure. “Harder, cariad,” he encouraged and felt a deep thrill of pleasure at how quickly Sirius followed his direction.
Sirius released a shaky ‘oh’ against his freshly bruised skin, followed by a sharp inhale. “Remus, I want this.”
Remus narrowed his eyes and studied the man in consideration. “If there’s anything you dun like, you’ll tell me to stop.” Sirius furrowed his brow but nodded in agreement. “If you want me to stop at any point , you’ll tell me?”
Sirius huffed in annoyance but Remus gave a stern look in return.
“Yes. I will.”
“Very good,” Remus complimented, his voice pitched low, and pressed a kiss to the flush rising across pale cheekbones. “Where do you want me to mark you, cariad?”
“Anywhere you want.” Sirius tilted his head back, exposing his throat. “Everywhere,” he pleaded. Remus groaned deeply. Any restraint that he’d had up until that point was torn down by the celestial’s consent.
**
He took his time leaving a trail of blooming red and purple along Sirius’ neck, the skin delicate and darkening with hardly any effort. Sirius was anything but still underneath him, writhing and arching his back into the touches, his fingers frantically threading through Remus’ hair, digging into the muscles of his back. His ears filled with gasps and soft moans that gradually increased in volume.
Remus groaned again and sucked a harsh mark against the man’s chest, the sharp bite causing the celestial to whimper in pleasure. Words of approval fell from his mouth without thought, his entire being completely consumed in everything Sirius Black.
“Christ, you make the most gorgeous sounds for me.”
The praise prompted Sirius to let out a broken moan and Remus hummed knowingly.
“Do you like that? Hearing how good you are?”
Sirius looked up at him with heavy-lidded eyes and nodded breathlessly, the flush from his cheeks travelling down to spread across his chest. Remus gently sank his teeth into the soft flesh of Sirius’ lower lip, giving it a teasing tug. “You look so beautiful all marked up, my star.”
Sirius moaned again, this time high pitched and needy. His hips suddenly bucked up from the bed seeking friction and Remus hissed in surprise when he felt the celestial’s growing hardness against his thigh. Sirius whimpered and ground up against him again, face screwed up in desperation.
Remus created some distance between their bodies, shifting his weight off to the side, and Sirius’ eyes flew open coupled with a whine of dismay. “ I need–Remus, please–”
“Sirius, are you sure?”
“Yes, yes, don’t stop.” He panted heavily and shifted his hips. Remus swallowed a moan, his own pants growing painfully tight from the sight of Sirius’ shorts glistening with beads of pre-come seeping through the thin fabric.
“Christ ,” he breathed. “Come here, cariad.”
He fell on his back, pulling Sirius to nestle on top of him, and slid his thigh between the celestial’s legs. Sirius gave an experimental roll of his hips and let out a quiet curse as the slick material of his shorts slid his hard length against Remus’ own. Remus firmly gripped his slender hips, guiding Sirius to create a slow and steady rhythm against his upward thrusts. He felt Sirius panting against his neck, hot and wet, one of the celestial’s hands clinging tightly to his shoulder, the other threaded in the back of his hair. Remus released a frustrated grunt at the slow build of pleasure–the friction teasing yet not enough–but he heard Sirius whimpering his name with hitching breaths.
“That’s it,” Remus soothed. “You can do it for me, love.”
Sirius’ movements stuttered and he felt the man tense above him, crying out a choked moan against his neck. Remus bit back a low groan, grinding his hips up to help Sirius ride through the waves of his release. Sirius gave a final shudder and fell limp and boneless against his chest, the last shock of his orgasm drawing a soft whimper from his lips.
Remus pressed a gentle kiss against the top of his head and stroked through tangled black locks, hearing a quiet hum of contentment.
“–felt so good.”
He picked up the slurred mumble and tightened his hold around the man, almost choking on a sharp pang of love. “You deserve it, my star.”
After a moment Sirius lifted his head and met his gaze, bright eyed, the high points of his cheeks flushed a light pink. Remus reached out to soothe the furrow of his brow with his thumb. “Sirius?” he asked with concern, stomach quickly sinking with panic.
“You didn’t–” Sirius stammered, apparently looking for the right words. “You didn’t feel good?”
Remus blinked in surprise. Oh. “ I felt very good.”
Sirius shifted his hips intentionally and Remus sucked in a sharp inhale, the movement brushing against his still prominent erection. “I told you I didn’t need more,” he reassured and pressed another kiss against Sirius’ forehead. “I wanted to do that for you.”
Soft lips pressed against his neck and the warm breath from Sirius’ whisper sent a shiver down his back. “I want to do that for you too.”
***
Remus groaned as Sirius gave another teasing roll of his hips, pressing down against his cock. “Sirius–” he warned.
Teeth nibbled on his earlobe, a slender hand ran down his chest and over his stomach. “ Please,” Sirius pleaded. “Tell me what to do.” Remus studied his wide silver eyes, the open honesty and desire to please on the celestial’s face.
Fuck.
“Touch me,” he instructed, his voice pitched low. He guided Sirius’ hand down to palm him, only a thin layer of clothing separating the man from his rigid length. He rutted up against Sirius’ touch and threw his head back in pleasure with a gasp.
A finger, cool against his heated skin, slipped tentatively under the band of his boxers and he met Sirius’ questioning gaze. He lifted his hips, allowing the last article of clothing to be pulled down past his thighs, leaving him entirely exposed, hard and leaking against his stomach. He was already so close, brought there by the celestial’s earlier touches and sound of his moans as Sirius had come undone on top of him.
Remus heard Sirius let out a shaky breath, felt a hesitant finger stroke down his length. His hips jerked up involuntarily at the touch and realised with a thrill that Sirius was waiting for instruction.
“Like this, love.”
He grasped the man’s hand and formed it into a loose fist around him, his own hand wrapping around the celestial’s. Remus fucked up into their joined hands and let out a hiss at the rough friction. He pulled Sirius’ hand away, bringing it up to the man’s mouth.
“Spit,” he commanded softly. Silver eyes blown almost completely black locked on his, and Sirius parted his lips to release a string of spit into his open palm. Remus moaned and ran his thumb across the now shining lower lip.
“You follow my direction so well, cariad.”
Sirius flushed in pleasure at the praise and wrapped his slick hand around the base of his cock, giving an experimental stroke up. Yes.
Remus lost himself in the tight slide of his hand, Sirius gaining confidence from his hitched gasps and groans of pleasure. He wasn’t sure when he’d closed his eyes but he opened them when he heard a soft whine. He looked down and almost came right there at the sight that met him. Sirius peered up at him through the dark fringe of his eyelashes, plump lips parted in devotion. Words of approval spilled from his mouth and he buried his hand in the hair behind Sirius’ ear, frantically thrusting up into the man’s hand as he felt himself tumble over the edge.
“Sirius.”
The name fell from his lips with a low groan, his fist tightening in ebony hair as he felt the hot splash of his release coat his abdomen.
For a moment Remus drifted, his mind blissfully quiet, his body weightless. He was pulled back to the present by a press of soft lips against his temple, the brush of fingers through his hair.
“Was that alright?”
Remus let out a breathless laugh and cracked open his eyes, flashing a reassuring smile towards an uncertain Sirius.
“My star. I’ve never had better.”
It was true. Despite the celestial’s inexperience, Remus had never felt so connected to another person. Each touch, the elements of trust and devotion displayed by the man beside him, had meant everything .
Sirius’ hesitant expression quickly morphed into a cocky grin and he released a loud whoop of success.
Remus scoffed, hardly heard through the self-congratulating shouts. “Let’s not get smug. Christ.”
Still looking rather proud of himself, Sirius leaned in for a cheeky kiss. However they both quickly pulled away with cries of disgust when the movement smeared the drying mess across Remus’ torso.
“I’m filthy.” Sirius gave a dramatic moan in dismay, shifting uncomfortably in his dirty shorts. Remus snickered, feeling unbearably fond.
“I’ll clean us up, you spoiled man.” He heard a hum of approval and Sirius collapsed back on the bed looking exhausted but content.
Remus carelessly wiped himself with his discarded shirt and got up to fetch a washcloth and fresh shorts. With permission, he helped Sirius’ wiggle out of his last bit of clothing and ran the rag across his smooth skin in an act of worship, knowing that this man deserved every act of kindness. He slipped the borrowed shorts over Sirius’ narrow hips and slid back into bed, gathering the celestial against his chest.
“Alri, cariad?”
“Mhm. I’m tired.” He felt Sirius yawn against his neck and burrow closer.
He pressed a kiss against the sleepy man’s head. “I’ll let ya rest soon,” he promised. “Just want to make sure you’re alrigh’ with everythin’ we did.”
“Absolutely brilliant,” Sirius mumbled into his skin. “You touchy Earthlings might be right about something.” Remus shook with silent laughter and planted another kiss. “We’re doing that again,” Sirius added, words slurred with sleep.
Remus felt his heart clench, smiling at the sound of a soft snore rising from the man pressed against his chest.
“Anything for you, my love.”
Notes:
Ugh. Remus being all soft and crying because Sirius loves him.
And then switch to the return of SoftDom!Remus leading to the discovery of Sirius Praise Kink Black (!!) 😳
Chapter 23: You Make Loving Fun
Summary:
The morning after, Sirius does some processing.
Notes:
Another update! Comments and kudos appreciated as always. Give me that dopamine boost, cheers. <3
TW:
Brief mentions of past abuse, descriptions of guns (non-violent), homophobic content, minor self-harm.Also check out this oneshot I wrote (not related to this story) about Lily finding out about remus/sirius during their 6th year:
Remus Lupin's Boyfriend
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Sweet wonderful you
You make me happy with the things you do
Oh, can it be so
This feeling follows me wherever I go
-Fleetwood Mac "You Make Loving Fun" 1977
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Location: Barracks Hall
Sirius woke up feeling bloody fantastic. He hummed in contentment and indulged in a long body stretch, feeling more relaxed than he ever remembered. He opened his eyes and saw that it was early morning, the sun just now rising. His back was pressed against a warm chest, soft breaths brushing the back of his neck.
Remus.
Sirius shifted in the bed and turned to the glorious sight of his sleeping partner, unusual to be awake before him. A fierce wave of love washed through him, an ache in his chest tying him to the sleeping man. Last night they’d shared something precious, the echoes of adoration and connection still thrumming in his bones. He delicately brushed the Watcher’s cheek, remembering with a thrill how his face had looked in the midst of absolute pleasure. Remus gave a sleepy snuffle at the touch, nuzzling his face into the pillow, and Sirius zeroed in on a light purple bruise above his collarbone.
He sucked in a quiet gasp and lightly touched the mark with his finger. He peered down at his own bare chest, the red and purple standing out starkly against his pale skin, but he wasn’t able to see the entirety of the marks mapping across his body.
Sirius quietly slipped out of bed–pausing when Remus moved only to settle back into the pillows, still very much asleep–and padded softly across the room towards the floor length mirror hanging on the closet door. His hair was an absolute mess, a nest of knots, and he only wore a pair of Remus’ pants that hung low on his hips. But Sirius was enraptured, reaching up to stroke his hand over the trail of bruises across his neck, his shoulder, his chest, his hip. He closed his eyes, remembering how it felt to have warm lips kissing and biting, leaving evidence of devoted touches. Being worshipped. Sirius opened his eyes and watched in the mirror as two tears slid down his cheek.
“Christ. I’m so sorry, Sirius.”
He whirled around towards the agonised voice, Remus now awake and staring at him with complete dismay.
“Why are you sorry?” He shook his head in confusion and padded back towards the bed, nestling into the warm blankets.
Remus had screwed his eyes tightly shut, looking absolutely tortured. “I should’ve made sure you wanted that. Made sure you understood those marks would be there for a while.”
Sirius let out a soothing sound and pressed a comforting hand against Remus’ cheek. "I wanted it. I’m beyond happy, darling.”
Amber eyes opened to stare at him in confusion, Remus still looking heartbroken. “You were crying.”
Sirius blinked in surprise. “Yes,” he admitted, caught in the act. “But not because I’m upset. I’m—“ he hesitated and gave his emotions a prod. “I’m overwhelmed. But in a wonderful way.” Remus gave a wounded noise and Sirius shushed him with a gentle kiss.
“It’s—it’s the first time I’ve seen bruises on my skin that haven’t been caused by pain,” he continued, feeling another tear slide down his face. “Remus, you showed me that my body can feel good. It can feel real pleasure, not just the absence of hurt. These marks are made from love.”
The tortured expression had finally left his partner's face but he still looked distraught. “You’ve felt a lot of pain.” It wasn’t voiced as a question but Sirius nodded anyway, wanting to make sure Remus understood. “You dun regret it?”
“Merlin, no,” he breathed and pressed their foreheads together, drinking in the warmth of the man he loved beyond words. Remus relaxed at his reassurance and reached out to run a hand down his back. “And when these fade I expect you to give me more,” Sirius added, feeling his lips form into a smirk.
His comment had the intended effect. Remus let out a breathy laugh and relaxed completely, pulling Sirius down to nestle against his chest. He let out a pleased hum and listened to the steady beat of Remus’ heart. “You don’t regret what we did, do you?” he asked quietly, worry preventing him from speaking any louder.
“Nuh. Not at all.”
Sirius sighed happily and pressed his lips against the warm chest under his cheek. Another wave of adoration squeezed through him and he sank his teeth lightly into Remus’ skin, needing an outlet for the intensity of feeling. Remus’ body shook with silent laughter and a large hand ran through his hair attempting to sort out the mess.
“Like biting me, my star?”
Sirius nuzzled against Remus and smiled, feeling drowsy from the steady pets on his head. “I feel so much with you. I don’t know what to do with it all,” he admitted shyly. He felt the hum of understanding underneath his cheek.
“I’m sorry I got so worried, cariad. I just—I want to protect you. I need to protect you. The idea of causing you pain—” Remus cut off with a strangled sound.
“You’ve shown me more care than I could ever imagine. I don’t need to be protected from you.” Remus focused on untangling a particularly stubborn knot from his hair, contemplating his words. Sirius continued, a blush rapidly settling over his face. “Last night you were wonderful. I—” he paused and shifted in embarrassment.
“Sirius?” Remus prompted gently, finally combing through the lock of hair without resistance.
Sirius groaned and hid his heated face against Remus’ chest. “I liked the things you said to me,” he admitted in a mumble. The hand in his hair paused.
“I liked sayin’ those things to you.”
He lifted his head in surprise and blinked up at the man. “Really?”
“Very much.”
Heat pooled in his stomach and he shivered at Remus’ deep voice and intense gaze. “Oh,” he replied weakly. “Good.” Sirius experienced another full body shudder when Remus hummed low in approval. “Alright that’s enough out of you,” he snapped, significantly flustered.
Remus let out a loud laugh, his face lightening up with surprise. “What did I do?”
“You know what you’re doing, you bastard,” Sirius continued his rant, waving a hand towards his partner’s face. “Doing that thing with your eyes, making your voice go all deep.”
Remus continued to tremble with suppressed laughter and shook his head in denial. “My eyes?"
“Yes. You give me this look, like—like you want to devour me whole. And Merlin, I think I would actually let you.”
Sirius huffed and sat up when Remus collapsed back in a loud peal of laughter, causing the entire bed to shake.
Remus took a deep breath to collect himself and raised himself up on his elbows. “I’m sorry, cariad. I won’t ever look at you like that again.” He smiled his crooked grin, eyes sparkling with amusement.
“No,” Sirius sniffed. “You can’t look at me like that either.”
His partner rolled his eyes and laid back on his pillow with a signature huff. “Reckon I cannae look at you at all then, eh?” Sirius trilled an agreement and Remus closed his eyes, his mouth twitching with a smile. “Fine. No more lookin’.”
A bright bark of laughter escaped his lips and Sirius pounced forward onto Remus’ chest. The obedient man kept his eyes shut, the hint of a smile transforming into a full grin.
Sirius cocked his head in thought. Challenge accepted. He leaned in and placed a solid bite on his bare shoulder and glanced back up to study Remus’ face. His eyelids fluttered but stayed closed.
He mouthed along his partner’s collarbone, up his jaw, nibbled lightly on his earlobe. Remus had clearly picked up on his little game, still not looking at him despite all the attention. The man looked as though he could’ve been asleep, except for the smug grin fixed firmly on his face. Sirius released a frustrated growl at the lack of reaction.
“What’s wrong, Starboy?”
He huffed at the innocent tone. “Remus. Open your eyes.”
The Watcher gave a lazy stretch and hummed in thought. “I reckon I would if you asked nicely.”
Sirius was surprised at the instant heat that flooded his face. He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss against the scar on Remus’ lip. “My moon. Look at me, please?”
Amber eyes instantly flew open and Sirius was close enough to see the pupil contract from the sudden light, revealing flecks of gold and green. He felt a thrill at his success and shivered as Remus made another rumble of approval. A large hand cupped his face and Remus stroked his thumb over his still blushing cheeks.
“Alri’, cariad?” Sirius nodded and pressed a kiss against the warm palm. “I’m sorry if I’m too much,” the Watcher whispered. “I dun want to make you uncomfortable.”
Sirius groaned and hid his face against Remus’ neck, burrowing into the safety and warmth. “No,” he admitted. “It’s not too much. It’s just–” he flapped a hand up in the air, still hiding. “It’s embarrassing, isn’t it?”
“What is?”
He groaned again. The bastard was going to make him say it out loud.
Remus trailed a hand down his bare back and Sirius could have melted when strong fingers kneaded a tight knot along his shoulder blades. “I’m sorry, my star. I’m tryin to understand, but–” The fingers on his back unfortunately stopped their movements when he pulled back and fixed Remus with an impressive scowl.
“Merlin, Remus. Being bloody aroused. ”
He quickly snuck back into his hiding place, cursing his blasted blushing face. Sirius gestured impatiently for the man to resume his massage, thanks, and started to relax as the tension was slowly worked from his shoulders.
“You dun have to be embarrassed, my love. Not with me.” Sirius relaxed further at the soothing words and pressed a soft kiss against Remus’ neck. “We can figure out what you like together, eh? And what you dun like.”
Sirius pulled back to blink up at the Watcher with wide eyes. “Really?”
Remus flashed a soft smile. “Aye. That’s what partners do. Nothing to be embarrassed about.”
He pondered that for a moment. “Well,” he sniffed. “There hasn’t been anything I don’t like, not yet.” He saw Remus about to speak with a quick retort and he cut him off. “And I promise I’ll tell you if there is. What about you? Can we figure out those things for you too?”
Remus looked at him in surprise but nodded. “Of course.”
Merlin, he loved this man. Sirius was painfully aware of his own inexperience, feeling a bit insecure but wanting to make sure Remus was granted the same care that he gifted him. He figured that the man had figured some of those things out for himself already. “Is there anything you don’t like?”
“Oh.” Remus raised his eyebrows but looked a bit grateful. “Aye, actually. I–uh. I dun like to be scratched.”
Sirius quickly filed that away and nodded eagerly. “Alright.” Remus regarded him warily, as if expecting a demand for explanation, but none was needed. He understood. Sirius had spent the previous evening mapping every scar on the man’s body.
“And you like saying glorious things to me, telling me what to do,” Sirius reasoned, recalling some of the shocking words that had fallen from the Watcher’s mouth. He fixed Remus with a smug grin. “I knew you liked being in charge.” Remus offered a fantastic deadpan stare when he dissolved into a round of snickers. “Don’t worry, darling. Your secret is safe with me,” he cooed and gave the man a gentle pat on the cheek.
“I dun have to be,” Remus argued, giving a fairly good impression of a Haughty Sirius Black.
“No,” Sirius agreed and ran his finger through soft tawny curls. “But you prefer it. And I like that, for us, I think.” His heart gave another squeeze when Remus offered a crooked grin, his eyes crinkling at the corners, freckles fully on display.
“How can you expect me to control the way I look at ya, when you look at me like that?”
Sirius tilted his head in question and cocked an arched eyebrow. “Like what?”
“Like you’re in love with me.”
He barked out a laugh and rubbed the tip of his nose against Remus’. “We both know that I’m madly in love with you. No surprises there.”
A warm hand guided him into a soft kiss and Sirius allowed himself to get lost in the taste and touch of an early morning Remus. Now that he’d experienced this, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to let it go.
He said as much and his partner released a resigned sigh. “As much as I’d like to keep ya in my bed, dun you have somewhere to be this morning, Commander?”
Ah bollocks. Sirius had jumped on the excuse to spend the night in the colony centre but he did actually need to get up to lead a weapon training session with Kingsley. He slipped out of the warm bed with a dramatic grumble (pleased when Remus snickered at his performance) and began to get dressed. He’d brought his formal uniform, thinking that he might as well look the part when giving the demonstrations.
Sirius was fully aware that he had an audience as he snapped his armour into place, spying Remus shamelessly studying him in the mirror. His uniform covered the majority of bruises that had been left on his body, and his long hair covered those on his neck. He narrowed his eyes in thought and quickly pulled his locks back into a high knot on top of his head. Marks proudly on display.
He spun around and held out his arms. Amber eyes were locked in on his exposed skin. “Like what you see?” he asked innocently.
“Aye,” Remus whispered and Sirius felt a surge of power when he saw the effect he had on the man. His own view was admittedly distracting. The Watcher was lounging in a half seated position, the morning sun golden across his muscled torso, blankets pooled across his hips.
“I’ll see you later,” he promised. Remus was granted a parting kiss (one that lasted a bit longer than planned) before he reluctantly made his way out towards the training field.
The grassy area just outside the centre’s inner gates had been dedicated for training over the past week, filled with the Watch’s targets and various handheld weapons used to train the Pack over several years. However, today the field was littered with supplies from space. Kingsley and his eight soldiers had done the heavy lifting of bringing cases of equipment to offer a demonstration and training for all who were interested.
And quite a few people wanted to learn. Sirius schooled his shock at the number of colonists lingering around the field, eager for the training to begin. He spotted the seven Pack members chatting happily with a few older Watchers, but was more surprised to see the vast amount of non-militant Earthlings in the mix.
Kingsley was busy directing his men to set up targets for practice and Sirius turned towards the crowd.
“Alright. I believe you all know what we have planned today. We’ll show you all different types of space weaponry and then give you folks time to practise using them.” He began to open cases and pulled out items as he spoke. “We have two types of weapon classes: projectile and energy. Of course, we also have hybrids that contain both elements.” He held up a battery system that converted any projectile firearm rounds to adapt an electric pulse. Sirius also showcased several daggers and swords good for close combat and for disabling shields that prevented distanced attacks.
His men had finished their preparations and Sirius allowed them to step in to illustrate the different effects of each weapon. They started with a railgun, the projectile more familiar to the colonists due to the similarities with their rifles and shotguns, and then explained the more complex items involving lasers, plasma, and subatomic particles.
The people in the crowd were watching with undivided attention, eyes wide in amazement. Sirius held back a smile and picked up his preferred weapon, a semi-automatic directed energy pistol. If they wanted a performance he’d give them one. It was an act of kindness, really.
The first shot he fired off immediately drained the materialised shield around one of the targets. His second shot hit the head of the dummy with precision. “A personal favourite,” he called over his shoulder towards his captive audience.
The group eagerly clammered to get their own chance at taking a shot. Sirius recalled that Remus had a rifle that he often brought with him on Watch, but knew that guns were in short supply in the colony. He quickly split the group up into those who knew how to shoot and those who had never held a gun. The larger crowd was sent over to Kingsley and his men to learn the basics of using a firearm. The people that remained with Sirius were those on Watch, the young Pack and senior Watchers, already familiar with long range Earth weapons.
“Welcome to the advanced course,” he drawled with a grin.
A series of whoops echoed from the Pack and Sirius stepped in to support the Watchers in learning the specifics of each gun. He gave another demo for Tonks and Juniper, taking time to line up with his targets and explaining each step out loud, before hitting the mark. He stepped back to give the young Watchers a go and smiled when he noticed a gorgeous bloke leaning against the wall next to the field.
Remus was staring at him with open appreciation, signature crooked grin fixed on his lips.
“Hello, captain,” Sirius called out with raised brow. “How long have you been there?”
Remus pushed away from his lounge and started towards Sirius at a relaxed pace when he realised his peeping had been found out. “Long enough” he replied easily.
“You’re giving me those eyes again,” Sirius added, unable to hide his self-satisfied smirk.
Remus hummed in agreement and stepped in close, invading his space. “I reckon I like knowing that you could kill me if you wanted,” the Watcher murmured. “And yet you absolutely surrender as soon as I touch you.” He reached out a large hand and wrapped it around Sirius’ neck, so gently, and rubbed his thumb against the pulse thrumming underneath his touch. Sirius let out a hitched breath and closed his eyes, his body immediately relaxing. “Why is that?”
“Because you’re safe,” Sirius breathed and peered up at Remus through his dark lashes. “I trust you.”
Remus grinned and removed his hand. “Good.” The word was reinforced with a gentle tap on the tip of his nose.
Sirius felt his face heat with a flush. “I could still kill you.”
“Oh I know, Starboy. Trust me.” The man’s eyes sparkled with amusement. “Think you could teach me how to use one of those pistols? I need private lessons.”
Sirius barked out a laugh and agreed, gesturing for one of his men to step in and keep an eye on Zep and Atlas' use of a particle beam. He helped Remus with his posture, straightening out his aim and hand placement, and felt a rush of pride when the Watcher was eventually able to hit his targets.
People began to tire after a few hours, the majority of folks getting a turn with each new item, and some even finding their own personal favourites. Remus was pulled away by eager Pack members, each of the pups eager to impress the older Watcher with their new skills. He sent a smile in their direction, heart warm and full.
Sirius opted to support his crew in cleaning up the mass of supplies and began to load up the case of plasma pistols. He frowned when he noticed an empty slot and looked up to question Kingsley on the whereabouts of the missing weapon but was startled when he noticed a hovering Watcher.
Cardadoc flashed him a grin in greeting. “Thanks for the training, eh?”
“Sure,” Sirius replied kindly and raised an eyebrow. “You seemed like you were getting the hang of it towards the end there.” Caradoc had developed a rather quick infinity for one of the long-distance lasers.
The Watcher laughed and nodded. “Aye. Felt good to learn somethin’ new.” The man glanced behind him towards the dwindling crowd and turned back with a knowing look. “So you and Lupin, eh?”
Sirius stiffened, any lingering kindness towards the man quickly evaporating. “What about it?”
“No problems here. Just saw the marks on your neck is all. Recognized them, didn’t I?”
“I really don’t think it’s any of your business, mate.” Sirius stood to his full height and fixed Caradoc with a cold stare.
“Nuh, you’re right,” the man agreed and raised his hands in reassurance. “I reckon I just wanted to warn a lad. Felt like I needed to.”
“Warn me about what.”
Caradoc gave a casual shrug in response. “Well if those bruises are what I think, means Lupin had his way with ya. Dun expect him to stick around much longer after that. He has a pattern, ya know. Seen it plenty of times myself. Man gets what he wants and moves on to the next pretty thing. Dun take it personally.”
“Cheers,” Sirius replied coolly. “Consider me warned.”
His statement was a clear dismissal and the Watcher was intelligent enough to hear it as such. He sent a parting smile Sirius’ way before he loped back towards the colony centre, perfectly at ease.
Sirius scowled and slammed the equipment case shut with a loud click, followed by a swift kick with his boot. Bloody wanker.
“Alri’, mush?”
He looked up to a concerned Remus and fixed a reassuring smile on his face. “Brilliant. Case wouldn’t close.” Sirius waltzed over and linked their hands. “Let’s get some lunch, yeah? Impressing Earthlings takes a lot of energy.”
They walked towards the canteen hand and hand, Remus shaking with laughter, but Sirius couldn’t ignore the seed of dread taking root in his stomach. It lingered during their meal, though he faced plenty of distraction when they were joined by several colonists raving about their new accomplishments with celestial technology. He laughed along and embraced the warm hand placed securely on his thigh, but even then felt a prickle of unease.
Sirius didn’t want to admit it but the bloody buff Watcher had gotten under his skin. He had no doubt for the feelings that Remus had for him, that he was certain. The moments they shared together were too heavily weighted in unfiltered love and devotion to be anything but true.
But Caradoc’s statement brought up a different concern, one that touched on an underlying insecurity. What if he was unable to meet all of Remus’ needs, despite the feelings they had for each other? He knew nothing about what was expected of him in their relationship, no concept of what future intimacy might look like. He knew, in theory, that he could ask Remus. But it felt unfair–an imbalance of power–to expect the other man to constantly cater to Sirius’ shortcomings.
The uncertainty was enough to send him in an internal spiral, dreading potential expectations and his unavoidable failure.
When Remus turned his hopeful amber eyes on him and asked if he’d be staying the night again, he hesitated. Merlin help him.
“Actually I’m needed back onboard tonight. But I’ll see you tomorrow?” It was painful to see the disappointment quickly covered by a reassuring smile.
“Of course, cariad. Maybe you can let me try some of your coffee in the morning.”
He didn’t deserve the goodness of Remus Lupin. But he vowed to do everything in his ability to be even half what this man deserved. Sirius clung tightly to that thought, determined to be better, even long after he’d given his goodbye to the Watcher and travelled back to the Patronus.
Soft music filled his bed chambers and Sirius collapsed back on his bed in his underclothes with a sigh, his armour tossed in a careless pile on the floor. He glanced towards his dataslate, the device currently queued with his music. Enough sulking, Black. It was time for action.
Sirius swiped into the ship’s digital archives and navigated towards the medical catalogues. He faltered for a moment but summoned up the last remaining tendril of courage left in his body and typed into the search bar.
The filtered results quickly appeared on the display and Sirius felt his cheeks flush with embarrassment. He snuck a glance towards his door and tapped the first result with a shaking finger. It was a brochure. One that people received after obtaining permission to have a child.
He scanned through the document, his brow furrowing the more he read. It was horribly clinical and focused primarily on pregnancy, only a sentence alluding to the actual act of sex. Sirius quickly switched to the next article and sighed when he was faced with nothing else of use. More information on how to get pregnant. The third attempt was just as unhelpful, a brief report of male anatomy. He knew that much about himself, thanks.
Sirius groaned and rubbed his eyes in frustration. He jabbed at the screen and edited his search, typing quickly before he lost his determination. His blush from before quickly faded, his face draining of all colour. Only four results had appeared and each one threatened the same thing:
Same-sex relationships. A sickness of the mind.
He blinked back tears and barely absorbed the words on the screen. Words that urged people to seek immediate medical attention if they found themselves inflicted with the illness.
Sirius threw the dataslate across the room, wishing that it was made of something solid and breakable, needing to see and hear something shatter across the ground. Because he was angry. Angry at how much those blasted articles shook him to the core. Furious that simple words on a screen threatened the beauty of everything he shared with Remus.
Because despite everything he knew, down to the stardust in his cells, he was scared.
Sirius jumped when a sharp pain in his hand forced him back to the present and glanced down to see his nails digging crescent marks into his palms. A coping tool he relied heavily on many years before, developed out of a need to feel when forced into sensory deprivation.
He winced, shame flooding through him at the old behaviour, and got up to rinse his hands under cool water to soothe the irritated skin. What he really needed was to speak with someone. Sirius briefly considered James and Marlene sleeping in their respective bed chambers down the corridor. But no matter how supportive, they wouldn’t understand. They couldn’t.
What he honestly needed was his partner. The person he had chosen to avoid out of his own fear. Sirius allowed himself a few minutes to feel sorry for himself and closed his eyes, giving the tether in his chest a questioning pull. He whispered a blessing towards the stars and opened his eyes, disheartened to see the night sky obscured by clouds. But the yearning remained, a deep rooted desire to keep his gaze transfixed upwards.
Understanding hit him with a resounding wave and Sirius scrambled towards his nightstand. Because there was another person he could speak to, someone still in the stars.
“Reg, are you there?”
Sirius waited, holding his breath, his private comm device clenched tightly in his hands.
“Sirius. You woke me.”
He released a shaky laugh and lay on his side, curling his body around the transmission. “I’m sorry, little brother. Different time zones and all.”
Regulus gave a dignified scoff. “I suppose I did need to speak with you anyway. I got a little more information but not much.”
“Oh?” Sirius chewed on his lip, drinking in the sound of his brother’s voice.
“Just that the Death Eaters have tattoos on their forearms.” He heard a shuffle on the other end of the line. “Bellatrix has one.”
Ah. The news that their dear cousin was involved in a cult really shouldn’t have been surprising. “Guess the Black’s are more involved than we thought,” Sirius relented.
“Indeed. I know that’s not much help, but that’s all I have. I’m sorry.”
“No!” Sirius quickly jumped in. “That’s great. Thank you.” He hesitated but powered on. He was the older and braver brother after all. “I actually called to talk to you about something else.”
“Oh.” Sirius smiled. He could easily picture a tiny furrow of Regulus’ brow, the slight downturn of his mouth in confusion. “What did you want?”
“I—“ His initial confidence left as quickly as it appeared.
“Sirius?”
The subtle alarm in his brother’s voice gave him the motivation to continue, born from a need to soothe any worry the younger Black might experience. “I fell in love, Reggie,” he whispered.
Sirius offered a moment of silence, acknowledging that his admission likely required a bit of processing time.
“Ah. With an Earthling.” Smart man, Regulus. “Well I suppose it’s a good thing you’ve been disowned. You won’t have to marry a second cousin in seven years.”
Sirius let out a loud snort, unsure if his brother’s response was simply blunt or dry delivered humour. “That’s true.”
“So what’s the problem then, Sirius? You can stay there. If you wanted.”
Sirius ignored the exasperated tone and blinked. It was simply stated, but the meaning behind the statement felt insurmountable. Because he could.
“I guess that's true,” he admitted quietly. “But—Regulus.” His brother made an odd sound at the use of his full name. “It’s with a man.”
He listened to the quiet static of the transmission with growing panic. Sirius opened his mouth, a frantic need to explain the wonders of Remus Lupin heavy on his tongue, but was cut off by a short response.
“Alright. You could still stay.”
Sirius was dreaming.
That was the only explanation for the words floating out of his comm device. He squinted at the light indicating a signal. “Pardon?”
“Sirius.” He doubted a dream could replicate the annoyance in his brother’s voice, likely accompanied by a perfected eye roll. “You’ve never done anything the way you were supposed to. Why would you stop now?”
Sirius let out a surprised laugh, the sound echoing in the quiet of his bed chamber. Merlin and Morgana. He was right. “Little brother, you are an absolute genius,” Sirius sighed, a smile still lingering on his lips.
“I know. Now are you done with whatever fit you were having? I’d like to go back to sleep.”
He let out another laugh and chimed in agreement. “Good night. Thanks again. And,” he added, figuring it was a night for confessions. “You know I love you too.”
Regulus made another noise of utter bewilderment. “Earth has made you grow soft. Good night, Sirius.” There was a brief pause and he heard a quiet mumble before the call went dead. “I love you as well.”
Sirius fell back into his pillows feeling incredibly light. The conversation with his brother had reminded him of who he was. Tomorrow he’d tell Remus about his concerns, open up about the worries that had woven their way through his mind. And they would figure it out together as partners. For now Sirius could sit with the reassurance that what they had was something beautiful.
It had been written in the stars, after all.
Notes:
Sirius experiencing Cute Aggression and chomping on Rem makes ME have cute aggression. Gah.
My beta and I were cackling when we realized that in the beginning scene Remus was giving Edward in Breaking Dawn post honeymoon night vibes. Oops, felt authentic to Remus' character. (any twilight rats, here???)
I know Sirius is angsty, I'm sorryyyy. The relationship with Remus goes a long way to heal the trauma he's experienced, but you can't heal from that kind of trauma from a relationship alone. That shit takes time. I truly believe he would feel conflicted about sex, despite the confidence he feels about the love he and Remus share.
Next update will likely be in a week or so, I have some real world things that I need to focus on and haven't had a chance to work on the future chapters yet! Sorry for the wait, feel free to re-read the last few chaps to keep up your fluff needs.
Bye<3
Chapter 24: Love Shines
Summary:
The boys deserve a break before the battle. Remus takes Sirius on a date.
Notes:
Good GOD this is pure fluff.
Next few chapters will be heavy plot, so enjoy this tooth-rotting sweetness!
Comments and kudos appreciated as always, thanks for all the support <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
You cast a spell
A magical revelation
And I see so well
My ultimate destination
Love shines when I think of you
-Fleetwood Mac “Love Shines” 1992
Remus wasn’t pouting.
He was just new to the whole relationship experience, wasn’t he? And if he felt a little morose after Sirius politely declined his invitation to spend the night, that was something he wanted to keep to himself.
Because Remus understood why his partner needed to return back to his ship and crew. It made sense that the captain’s time would have to be split between the colony and his own people. But despite understanding, he couldn’t help but feel a little…exposed. It wasn’t exactly the sex that had left Remus feeling so vulnerable. It was the intense intimacy they had shared, the deep connection forged between their very souls, that left him feeling open and raw.
Remus wanted to honour Sirius’ needs and wishes for time apart, but the reality was that it left him feeling pretty fucking shitty. The concept of craving someone’s presence -–so completely— was new and terrifying. And as Sirius walked away, leaving him behind, he felt a flare of panic and an old desire to retreat and hide behind walls that had been artfully dismantled by the love he felt towards the celestial.
But Remus didn’t want to act on old behaviours. Even though a large part of him desperately wanted to throw himself into any type of task, use over-productivity to distract himself from discomfort, he wanted to do this right.
While he had never had a relationship before, he did have a solid model of what secure partnership was supposed to look like. His parents had been together since they were teenagers, married young and still madly in love 28 years later. An impressive feat, considering the challenges they had to overcome with their son’s injuries. If there was anything that he could take away from Hope and Lyall, it was the importance of mutual respect. And that came with the need for open communication.
Remus allowed himself to shudder at the thought. No matter how uncomfortable, he knew that his relationship with Sirius was important and deserved an honest effort. Which meant taking some quiet time to process all that he was feeling.
Fantastic.
He declined a tempting offer to join the Pack in a round of cards (No distractions, Lupin) and journeyed up to his bedroom. Remus snatched up his pack of cigarettes, wrenched his window open as far as the weathered frame would allow, and hauled his lanky frame out onto the small overhang. A quick flash of a match later and he huddled against the building wall with his feet dangling near the edge, sucking in a lungful of smoke ready to do the work.
The first feeling Remus was easily able to admit was deep concern for Sirius. Perhaps that was what being in love felt like, a near constant buzz under the skin to protect and care.
Aside from concern that enveloped his every thought, he was…disappointed. But also scared. Those two emotions weren’t difficult to identify, swirling and taking root in his chest. The disappointment was easier to accept, who wouldn’t want to fall asleep next to the person they loved? But the fear… it was darker, latched tightly to his heart, sharp pains piercing the organ with every beat.
He was terrified of losing Sirius.
Up until then he’d spent his entire life without needing to depend on others, happily living in a way that was independent. But now a man from space had crashed into Remus’ life, tightly intertwined and nestled deep within every foundation of his being. Remus knew a gaping hole would remain if the celestial left. One he worried he might never be able to recover from.
He let out a hiss at a sudden sting, his forgotten smoke scorching the tips of his fingers, and tossed the butt over the roof and absently watched the orange glow descend to the ground. They needed to talk about what was going to happen next. No more postponing, waiting to see how things would play out. Remus needed an answer. He’d deal with whatever that answer was, but he couldn’t continue with uncertainty.
But the talk could wait for tomorrow.
The night air was cooling down, so Remus hauled himself back into the warmth of his bedroom, shutting the window with a solid thunk. He felt better, more at peace, and got ready for bed thinking that a surprise trip to the Patronus in the morning for a cup of coffee sounded like a solid plan.
Morning came quickly and Remus hurried to get ready for the day, an uncharacteristic nervous energy settling under his skin. He tried to remind himself that Sirius often showed up unannounced, so his presence likely would be appreciated and welcome. But he drummed his hands on the rover wheel, anxiety ramping the closer he got to the ship growing larger in the distance.
He parked alongside the dirt path and hopped out, returning waves to a few crew members milling about outside. Remus spotted a group of people with various scientific equipment loading one of their transport vehicles, likely the researchers that were collecting data about Earth.
“Good morning! Remus, right?”
He blinked down at the short man that had hurried over to greet him, a hand stuck out for an eager shake. He wore the colours of an executive crew member, with the addition of a white overcoat. Remus recalled having been introduced before but couldn’t remember the lad’s name for the life of him.
“Aye, sorry. I came by to see Sirius?”
Percy-or-whoever-the-fuck nodded in understanding. “He’ll still be asleep,” he stated knowingly. “We got up early to travel outside the walls to gather some data on chemical and biological soil properties, fascinating stuff. Amazing how the Earth adapted after years of radiation exposure.”
“Er–right.” Remus had never felt so incredibly stupid. “Have fun?” The man beamed and thanked him, gesturing that he was free to board the ship.
Activity on the Patronus was minimal, the majority of members still slow to begin their day. He could hear activity in the mess hall to the right of the hangar bay, but made his way up the three flights of stairs to the top floor, knowing the executive crew had their own private kitchen. Remus paused outside the Captain’s Chambers, the door sealed shut, and pivoted to head through the bridge and into the ‘galley’. Marlene was inside chatting animatedly with one of the other officials, her long blonde hair pulled back into two neat plaits.
“Morning,” he interrupted hesitantly, leaning in through the door frame. The pair jumped and snapped their heads in his direction, before flashing him kind smiles.
“Cheers, Remus,” Marlene called back happily. “What brings you onboard this fine morning?”
The other woman, (Dorcas, his mind helpfully supplied) chimed an echoing greeting. She was still in her sleep clothes, her black locks wrapped with a headscarf.
He entered the room and shifted hesitantly. “I was going to see Sirius this morning. I was thinking I could bring him some coffee?”
The chief engineer let out a delighted laugh and shook her head fondly. “You really are his new best mate. Bringing him coffee in bed. Putting our stewardess out of a job.”
Oh fuck. Remus winced, an apology ready on his lips, but Dorcas scoffed and sent her companion an unamused look. She hopped to her feet and beckoned him over towards the counter. “I can show you how,” she offered and started to pull out the necessary materials.
Dorcas was gentle and encouraging, teaching Remus how to brew a pot of coffee, letting him do the work with her warm instructions. When prompted, he added a spoonful of sugar and powdered milk, turning the dark beverage a lighter brown. The drink smelled amazing and he inhaled deeply through his nose, committing the scent to memory. “That’s how Sirius likes it best,” Dorcas explained, pulling down another mug from a cabinet. “But some people drink it black without anything added. Feel free to make yourself some as well.”
He thanked her for the help and she gave him another smile, her eyes crinkling at the corners, before she ventured back over to finish her breakfast with Marlene. Remus took a questioning sip of his cup and grimaced at the bitter taste. Much stronger than tea. His expression must have been amusing because the two women burst out into entertained laughter.
He fixed his coffee to match Sirius’, the taste much better with the added sweetness. He added another large spoonful of sugar and hummed happily when the drink was much more tolerable.
“Thanks for the help,” he called over his shoulder, balancing the drinks in his hands. They wished him good luck with matching snickers, painfully familiar with their captain’s tendency to resist waking up on demand.
Remus faced the Captain’s Chamber doors again and frowned, not knowing how to get inside. They’d opened automatically the last time he was there. He jabbed at a panel on the side and felt a rush of pride when it flashed green and a mechanism was heard unlocking.
The living space was untouched, looking just how it had been the last time he was onboard. Remus peeked into the bedroom and his heart tightened at the sight of his partner fast asleep in the middle of the large bed, surrounded by a nest of pillows and blankets. Wearing a familiar sweater. He stumbled over a few pieces of discarded armour, swearing under his breath, and set the coffee on the nightstand next to a comm device. After kicking off his shoes, Remus climbed into the bed and nestled in behind the sleeping man, pressing a gentle kiss against the back of his exposed neck.
Sirius released a quiet grumble at the touch and attempted to bury deeper into the covers. Remus grinned and chased after the man, placing another warm kiss against the corner of his jaw. He smirked when an annoyed grunt sounded out from underneath the blankets and ran his hand through dishevelled tresses, coaxing the strands of hair off his love’s face.
Sirius scrunched his nose in confusion, heavy eyes blinking away sleep. “My moon?” he whispered, voice hoarse.
“Bore da, Starboy,” he whispered back and gave an encouraging nibble against his earlobe. He felt an approving hum under his lips as he began a trail of open mouthed kisses down the celestial’s throat.
“Not a bad way to wake up,” Sirius laughed breathlessly and rolled over in his arms. “Hi.” He smiled his soft grin, peering up at Remus in quiet wonder. “You’re here.”
“Mhm, and–” he paused, raising an eyebrow in mock anticipation. “I brought you coffee.” Sirius let out a delighted gasp and sat up, glancing over towards the nightstand. He crooned and made grabbing motions towards the cup, taking a deep sip with a content sigh.
“I’ve either died or this is a dream,” Siris lamented dramatically after another gulp. Remus snickered into his own coffee, the taste growing on him with every sip. They relaxed in bed, legs tangled together under the sheets, Remus the brunt of endless teasing about the amount of sweetness he’d added to his mug.
He waited until Sirius was finished with his drink, reclined back against his chest, face nestled into the crook of his neck. Remus carded his hands through the celestial’s hair, leaving gentle scratches against his head in the way he knew his partner liked.
“I wanted to talk to you,” he began lightly, eyes trained on the open view of the sky. He felt Sirius stiffen at the comment and he raised himself up, grey eyes trained on Remus’ face attentively.
“I did too,” he admitted faintly.
His heartbeat quickened, suddenly regretting the coffee, restless energy in his body quickly feeding into anxiety. “Oh?”
Sirius frowned but nodded. “I’m so sorry I left yesterday. I wasn’t really needed onboard. I— I got scared.” The last part was tacked on quietly, but Remus heard it easily, tuned in to absorb every word out of the man’s mouth.
Remus wanted to demand an explanation, the words on the tip of his tongue, but instead closed his eyes and took a steadying breath. He then offered up something much more revealing. “I was scared too. I still am.”
He heard the sharp inhale of surprise and opened his eyes, Sirius staring at him with a stunned expression. “Really?”
“Aye.” He reached out and cupped the celestial’s cheek, the man leaning into the touch. As he always did. Remus stroked his thumb across sharp cheekbones, memorising the feel of silky skin. “I’m feckin’ terrified of losing you, Sirius.” Grey eyes fluttered shut and he longed to soothe the furrow of his brow, hating the echoes of pain on his face. “I reckon I need to know what you and I are doin’.”
Sirius sat up swiftly and grasped Remus’ hands in his own, clutching tightly. “I want to stay,” he declared, a fierce expression taking over his delicate features. “I can stay, Remus.”
Hope surged with intensity in his chest and he choked, needing to be cautious before he fully embraced the feeling. “What about your crew?”
Before he had even finished speaking the young captain had started to shake his head. “I have no obligations to the empire anymore,” he stated breathlessly. “My crew could go back if they wanted, they don’t have to be criminalised under me. But they could also stay if they wished.” Slender hands reached out to cup Remus’ face and he blinked back tears. “I need to stay with you.”
A weight lifted off his chest, one he hadn’t even realised was there. He laughed and sat up as well, pulling the celestial into a loving kiss. He melted at the taste of coffee lingering on their tongues, the gentle pressure of lips slotted between his. Remus pressed their foreheads together, needing to remain close. “Christ. You cannae believe how happy I am to hear that,” he breathed.
A happy trill resounded throughout the room, Sirius’ shaking with relieved laughter under his hands.
He leaned back and fixed the man with a questioning gaze. “What were you scared about, cariad?” Sirius immediately flushed and avoided his face, looking out towards his bedroom floor.
Remus followed the line of sight and frowned at the discarded device on the ground, the transparent screen that had played music during his first visit onboard the Patronus. He stayed quiet but Sirius remained silent, apparently struggling with words.
“Was it because of what we did together?” He posited the question delicately, running his thumb in soothing circles across Sirius’ slender wrist. The raven-haired man nodded slightly. “Talk to me, please.”
Sirius released a frustrated groan. “I don’t regret what we did, so get that thought out of your head,” he snapped and fixed him with a pointed look. “I just— I worry that I’m not good enough for you.” Remus opened his mouth to argue that ridiculous point, but Sirius cut him off with a firm raise of his hand. “Please just listen. I don’t know anything about intimacy, and that uncertainty was too much. The expectations, fear of letting you down. I know I could have asked you,” Sirius added, eyes wide and pleading for him to understand. “But I feel like you give me so much already. It didn’t seem fair.”
Christ, how his heart ached for this man. He opened his arms and the celestial willing took the invitation, leaning into the tight embrace. Remus murmured quiet promises against his ear, pressing his lips against his soft hair. Promises that whatever he gave this man, it was because he wanted too. And it would never be too much.
“You offered me reassurance,” he added. “What do you need from me?”
Sirius chewed on his lip in thought, giving the question careful consideration. “Is– is what you and I did together, was that sex?”
Ah. Remus understood now, realising how truly lost Sirius must feel. He ignored the initial wave of guilt and instead focused his attention on his partner’s needs. “It’s a type of sex,” he explained calmly. “There’s a progression of things, eh? Like–” he paused and pursed his lips, wondering how best to explain. “What we did for you, ya still had your clothes on, right? But for me, we took it another step further. And there are more steps that could be taken, if you wanted to explore those. But it’s all sex.”
Sirius eagerly drank in his words, nodding slowly to the explanation. “And– between two men?” His embarrassment was obvious from the light pink settling over his pale face, but Remus was proud that he felt safe enough to ask the question.
“You mean–?” Remus made a crude gesture with his finger and fist and Sirius turned a deeper shade of crimson, nodding. “Aye, two men can do that too.” The celestial still looked confused so he dove into a rather clinical explanation, wanting to make sure his partner received the education necessary to make his own choices. The young captain was mortified, refusing to meet his eyes, but he listened attentively and thanked him in a quiet voice once the description was finished.
“I meant what I said, my star. There is no pressure and no expectations. We’re in this together.” Remus would always remember the grateful smile, the way it transformed Sirius’ face into something divine, otherworldly in its beauty.
“Together. As partners.” Sirius echoed back, looking more like his confident self.
As painful as the conversation had been, exposing themselves to one another and airing their deepest fears, he could tell that they both were floating on a sense of relief.
They eventually pulled themselves out of bed, reluctant to leave the warmth and comfort, but Remus happily joined Sirius for a Patronus style breakfast. He politely declined another coffee, already feeling suspiciously energised, but was happy enough to munch on the toast the celestial prepared for him, furthering his desire for more moments like this together.
And then it was time for Remus to leave. He shared the unfortunate news, trying to ignore the wide eyes and rather impressive pout Sirius sent in his direction. They only had six days until their deadline ran out and the colony needed to be prepared for whatever retaliation they might face. That meant continued training, drafting possible scenarios, and storing up on supplies in case they were unable to leave the colony gates.
But perhaps they had some time for a break? Remus studied Sirius’ face, the celestial understanding why he needed to leave, and thought they deserved a moment just for the two of them. Removed from any pressure, a chance to give their relationship the attention it was owed. Not unlike the moment they had shared so many nights ago laying under the stars.
Remus reached out and brushed a thumb across Sirius’ protruding lower lip. “Let’s have a date tonight.”
He received an adorable head tilt in return. “A date?”
“Mhm. Just you and me, cariad. I’ll pick ya up after dinner.”
Sirius’ entire face lit up with excitement—pout instantly disappearing—and he nodded eagerly. “Alright, what are we doing?”
Remus flashed a teasing grin and hopped to his feet. “Guess you’ll just have to find out, Starboy.”
It was warm outside, the sun high in the sky, and Remus let out a bright burst of laughter that got carried away in the wind as he started up his rover. Sirius wanted to stay.
This meant he could envision a future with this man, a lifetime, no longer forced to push away any daydreams out of fear that it would worsen the pain when the celestial eventually went back into space. Remus could freely imagine early mornings, meals prepared together, maybe eventually a cabin of their own.
He completed his daily check in with Mad-Eye and got his Watch rotation, another 48 hour stint starting in two days. There hadn’t been any activity along the border, but they were being cautious, trying to gather as much intel as possible before the deadline. Due to the tensions in the South Watchers were no longer permitted out on independent shifts, so Remus had the joy of anticipating a future Watch with his old partner, Caradoc. At least they’d have an automaton—courtesy of Kingsley—joining them for the ride.
The rest of his day was filled completing basic tasks, supporting the Pack with continued training and helping the ag workers with supply inventory. He was grateful for the mindless work because he realised that he’d committed to a date without any fucking idea of what that might entail. His only contender had already been impulsively suggested--an evening under the stars--before they were even in a relationship. He couldn’t repeat the same date. It would look lazy.
Remus was in desperate need of assistance so he marched over towards the health hall, one person in mind. He burst through the door with an important announcement.
“Lils? I’m a love-struck fool.”
He paused in the doorway, two pairs of eyes blinking at him in surprise. Apparently the healer had some company. Tonks broke out into a large grin and waggled their eyebrows. “Ohhh, are we finally voicing the obvious?”
“Stop moving,” Lily snapped, attempting to bandage a cut along the Pack member’s wiggling forehead. “And yes, those idiots finally figured it out.”
Remus huffed and entered the room, pulling over a chair to straddle, and placed his arms across the back. He rested his chin on top of his arms and sent a pleading expression (channelling his inner Sirius Black) towards his best friend. “This idiot needs help.”
“Of course ya do,” Lily fired back, finishing up her first aid with a satisfied grunt. She turned towards him and raised an eyebrow. “Well?” Tonks voiced their own interest, leaning forward in their seat eagerly.
“I’m taking Sirius out on a date tonight,” he began, ignoring the large gasps of excitement. “Only problem is I have no feckin’ clue what to do.”
“Hopeless,” Lily tutted. Tonks agreed, crossing their arms and shaking their head in disappointment. “Lucky we’re here, experts and all.”
Remus gave the young Watcher an incredulous side eye. “What do you know about relationships?”
They immediately let out a cry of indignation and pointed an accusing finger his way. “Read a lot of those old romance books, haven’t I? Not much else to do when digging through the scav pit!”
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, giving an impatient wave with his other hand. “Alri, what do ya got?” The two immediately perked up and began whispering, body language animated, eyes wide and frenzied. They’d pitched their voices low enough that he couldn’t pick up everything, but choked on air when he heard ‘sensual massage’ quietly suggested.
“I need to pick the lad up in an hour,” he argued weakly, thankfully getting their attention.
“Right,” Lily began. “Well most dates should involve food and drinks, so go to the canteen and ask Martha to fix somethin’ up for you both.”
“And I have a bottle of mead you can have,” Tonks cut in with a smirk.
His friend hummed in thought and narrowed her eyes at Tonks with a frown. “The question is where do they take the food. The barracks won’t do. Somewhere outside the walls? How about the coast?”
Tonks let out a loud shout, nearly toppling from their chair. “Take the rover! Fill it with some blankets and pillows, have a fire out on the beach!”
Lily cooed in agreement, her facing breaking into a wicked grin. “It’s warm enough, could do some late night swimming, clothin’ optional.”
“For fucksake,” he groaned and buried his face in his arms. They were enjoying this far too much. Sadly their idea was outstanding.
“Now go change!” Lily snapped, giving him a shove towards the door.
“Change ?” He glanced down at his clothes and raised an eyebrow. “What the feck is wrong with this?” Remus was only a little insulted at the twin looks of pity he received.
“Not that ya aren’t handsome,” Tonks allowed, with a tentative tone. “But ya could clean up a bit? Put on your best shirt. Look nice for the lad.”
Remus sent them a scowl but nodded. “Anything else?”
“Wash your hair,” the healer added. “And do not brush it. Let the curls dry.”
Christ. Fine. He chimed his thanks, pointedly ignoring the continued suggestions that were becoming more and more scandalous. Remus flipped a middle finger as he walked out the door, leaving Lily’s recommended ‘favourite position’ behind.
He made a quick stop in the canteen, delivering his request to the head cook, and hurried to remove the roof of the rover, lowering the backseats to create a large space to relax. Remus reluctantly acknowledged that a change of clothes was a good idea, having worked up quite a sweat that day under the sun. He washed, did not brush his hair, and dressed in a pair of tan pants and maroon shirt with minimal patches. Remus also grabbed a brown flannel, in case it cooled when the sun set.
An hour later the rover was packed, brimming with blankets, pillows, firewood, and a large basket of food. Tonks’ bottle of mead was safely tucked in the side of the door, along with a few freshly cut flowers. (Remus had seen enough covers of those romance books to pick up on that idea, thanks.)
He pulled up next to the Patronus hangar door and hit the horn, announcing his arrival. Not even a minute later Sirius came bounding down the ramp, closely followed by a wildly gesturing James.
“Prongs is an insufferable wanker,” he said in explanation, lifting himself up into the passenger seat. Sirius glanced at the collection of blankets in the rover bed and made an excited sound at the discovery.
“I am not,” James demanded loudly, stamping his way towards them. “Just not fair, is it? You get to go off with your Earthling, experiencing the wonders of this planet. And I’m left to gather dust.” Sirius let out a loud snort.
“Sounds like you’re jealous, eh?” Remus called out helpfully, his mouth twitching with a smile.
James scoffed. “No. My best mate has been stolen, that’s all.”
Sirius let out a loud annoyed huff and sucked in a deep breath, ready to spout off a fierce argument with his second in command. Remus cut in quickly, placing a hand on his partner’s shoulder. “How about we plan an adventure together soon? We could bring Lils, she loves a chance to get out beyond the wall and explore.”
James visibly brightened at the idea, the knowledge of being included in future plans cheering the celestial up significantly. “I’ll hold you to that,” he warned, pointing at Remus. His eyebrows became visible, rising up from behind his thick frames. “You treat Padfoot well, do you hear me? Have fun, you tossers.” James whirled around after sending Sirius a cheeky wink, whistling his way back up the ramp.
Sirius released another huff, muttering something under his breath, before he turned and sent an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I haven’t been spending a lot of time with Prongs, seems like he’s noticed.”
Remus grinned back. “It’s alri.” He reached over to his door and produced the flowers, handing them across the rover to the stunned celestial. “For you, my star.”
“Oh.” Sirius sounded faint. He accepted the gift and touched the petals with delicate fingers, staring back and forth between the flowers and Remus in wonder. “Thank you. I–I didn’t get you anything.”
He laughed and put the rover in gear, starting off on the road leading outside the colony. “This is my date. All you have to do is sit there and look pretty. Shouldn’t be difficult for ya,” he added with a teasing smile. A beautiful blush settled over the celestial’s cheeks and he clutched his bouquet tightly against his chest.
Sirius was apparently stunned into silence because he remained quiet the entire drive, strangely without any curious questions or dramatic demands to know the details of their date. Remus drove the rover down a steep road leading to a private stretch of beach, and parked with the back of the vehicle facing the water.
“Come on, Starboy,” Remus encouraged, leaping out of the rover. “Time for you to meet the ocean.”
The celestial scampered out of the vehicle and looked around with wide eyes. He’d seen the coast already, having crashed his shuttle right next to it after all. But the young captain had never gotten a chance to appreciate the earthly joy of playing in the sand. Remus began to unlace his boots, nodding towards Sirius to follow.
It took some time for the celestial to warm up to the idea of fun, too many years spent in space with hard expectations and restrictions. But Remus saw the moment when everything shifted, when Sirius transformed from a hesitant figure trailing along beside him to someone free. He watched, desperately in love, as Sirius ran full sprint across the sand, leaving behind shouts of laughter, splashing through the water with childlike glee.
Soon his pockets were heavy, filled and ready to burst with shells and rocks that the celestial brought to him with amazement. And despite knowing that there were thousands upon thousands of similar ones along the coast, Remus pocketed every single one.
The sun was just starting to set but it was still warm, so Remus started to peel off his clothes, his heat-flushed skin longing for the refreshing water. He ran past Sirius with a shout and plunged into the waves, diving under and embracing the moment of stillness. He broke the surface and shook his curls out of his face, sending a crooked grin towards the startled celestial. “Water feels great, love,” he beckoned with a nod.
Sirius tentatively started to take off his own clothes, leaving him in just his undershorts. He walked slowly into the surf but paused when the water reached his hips. Remus swam towards him, finding his footing in the loose sand floor. “Afraid to get your hair wet?”
He heard the huff, despite still being a few yards away. “I can’t swim, Remus.”
Well he couldn’t fault the man, being from space. Large bodies of water were likely in limited supply. He swam closer to shore, the ocean reaching the middle of his chest. “Come here,” he called softly. “I’ll help you float.”
Sirius splashed further in, grumbling under his breath about him being a ‘bloody tall git’. His grumbling turned into a yelp of alarm when Remus reached to pull him in close, Sirius scrambling to hold onto his neck and regain his unstable footing.
“I won’t let ya drown, spaceman,” he teased and reached down to lift Sirius up by the thighs, securing the man around his waist. “You know how to hold your breath?”
“Yes,” Sirius replied warily, narrowing his eyes. Remus smiled an innocent grin, the only warning, before he ducked them down beneath the water. He popped back up quickly, wanting to keep his promise about minimal drownings, and Sirius sputtered in his arms, his long black hair falling into his face, mouth spouting off a long list of creative swears.
“See? You’re alrigh’, cariad.” He pushed the wet locks back and kissed the tip of his nose. Sirius glared, drops of seawater collected on his long lashes.
“I just saw my entire life flash before me, Remus. I wouldn’t call that being alright.” His eyes suddenly widened in amazement, his tongue dancing out across his lower lip. “It’s salty!”
“ ‘s why it’s called saltwater, spaceman,” he teased with a splash.
He got an echoing splash for the snark and the celestial suddenly pulled his entire weight to the side and dragged Remus with him, sending them both back under the waves. They resurfaced together, choking on wet laughs.
He was kindly forgiven for the dunking and Remus helped Sirius float on his back, a gentle hand placed underneath to support his weight. The celestial looked to be in a trance, his eyes closed and a soft smile framing his lips. “It feels a bit like zero gravity,” he whispered, stretched out and drifting along the waves. The sun was finally sinking below the horizon line, bathing Sirius’ pale skin in shades of orange and pink.
“You’re beautiful.”
The reverent comment wasn’t intended to be heard but silver eyes flew open at the whispered words. Sirius sank his legs back under the surface and rose to press a warm kiss against his lips. It tasted like the sea, skin wet and cool from the waves.
Their wrinkled skin eventually demanded that they return to land and Remus started up a small fire, a pit dug in the sand. They settled around the warm glow, relaxing back on driftwood, and he passed out a glass of mead. The silence was comfortable and peaceful, filled with the gentle crash of waves against the beach and the crackling flames. Remus wished he could pause time and exist in that moment for an eternity. Sirius eventually broke the silence, his voice cracking with feeling.
“Thank you.”
The fact that Sirius was thanking him was almost laughable. He could thank Sirius everyday for the rest of his life and it wouldn’t begin to touch on the endless well of gratitude he felt towards the man. He was everything. And yet Sirius was looking at him as if he believed the same.
“Anything for you. Always.”
Sirius shook his head slowly, furrowing his brow in confusion. He took another sip of his drink and glanced out towards the ocean. “I don’t understand. You treat me so well, show me so much care. It’s hard to believe.”
“You deserve to be cared for, Sirius. And I’ll do it for however long we have together. Christ, even if you no longer wanted me I’d still care for you.”
“There isn’t a life where I wouldn’t want you, Remus.”
He closed his eyes, allowing those words to sink into him, warming every part of his body. Was there a word stronger than love? The four letters didn’t feel like enough, too small to describe the pull under his skin, in his very soul.
It had cooled down enough so he grabbed his flannel, offering it to his chilly partner, and spread out their food on a blanket. They were given a wide spread of cheeses, dried meats, and preserves as well as a fresh baked loaf of bread. Perfect after an evening spent in the surf. Both men were quick to tuck into the food, tearing into the bread and sampling the other goods.
Remus jumped when Sirius released a loud moan, his mouth full of bread and cheese. He zeroed in on a smudge of raspberry jam on the corner of his lips. “Taste good?” he asked weakly.
“Merlin’s tits, yes.” Sirius groaned again and swiped his thumb against his lip, sucking off the offending mess. “Absolutely amazing. And everything tastes a bit like the sea,” he added, giving his finger a light lick.
God damn this man. Everything about the ethereal being sitting next to him was too much, from the light flush on his cheeks to the quiet hums of approval falling from his lips. Remus pushed back a low groan when the celestial slipped out his tongue to catch a drip of honey falling from the bite of food in his hand.
“You need to stop doing that.”
Sirius tilted his head to the side in question, a playful but confused smile lingering on his mouth. “Stop what?”
“Fucking–” he waved his hand towards the celestial in exasperation. “Licking your hands!”
“It’s messy!” He laughed, quickly finishing off his food, and locked eyes with Remus. His lips quirked with a sly smile and Sirius placed a slender finger in his mouth and sucked, cleaning off the stickiness that remained. “Didn’t know you were the type to get upset about poor manners,” he taunted, eyes sparkling with mirth.
Remus merely glared back.
Sirius let out another laugh, this time in delight. His face lit up in sudden understanding. “Why, Remus, you look a little flustered,” he teased. “Is it making you want to devour me?”
“Yes. ”
His voice came out deep, pitched low with desire. Remus heard the sharp inhale, watched the pink flesh of Sirius’ tongue slip out to wet his lips, the shaky exhale that followed.
“I’ll let you.” Sirius attempted to sound firm but the words came out breathless, more of a request. It didn’t matter, because Remus was already standing. He closed the small space separating them with a quick stride, reaching out to grip the celestial’s jaw in his hand, tilting his head up.
“Want to hear everything I want to do to you, my star?” He could feel Sirius’ throat shift under his hold as he swallowed, followed by a restricted nod. He leaned down, levelling his gaze with the celestial’s face. “I want to lick every inch of your body,” Remus murmured. “Starting with those fingers that were just in your mouth.”
Sirius sucked in another breath and slowly raised his hand in offering. Steel grey eyes met his own with determination and the celestial raised a perfectly arched eyebrow.
“Do it.”
Notes:
I have no words. *wheezes from fluff overload*
Chapter 25: Estimated Prophet
Summary:
The boys enjoy the remainder of their date.
The battle against the southern colony begins.
Notes:
Hi everyone! <3
Sorry for the delay in posting, I hope a chapter of almost 7k words makes up for it. This story is coming to a close and I'm wanting to be very intentional about getting it right, so updates might be a little slower than usual. (I also have had some life events that require my attention, so I've had less time to focus on writing.)This chapter is explicit so please see the following TW:
Chapter begins with smut, starting off where we left our boys on the beach. Explicit but written from Sirius' POV so it's more waxing poetical rather than hardcore smut descriptions. Includes light dom/sub dynamics. If you want to skip, start reading at "He hummed quietly in recognition-"Other trigger warnings include: descriptions of violence and gore, character deaths, use of weapons.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
My time coming, any day, don't worry about me, no
It's gonna be just like they say, them voices tell me so
Seems so long I felt this way and time sure passin' slow
Still I know I lead the way, they tell me where I go
-Grateful Dead "Estimated Prophet" 1977
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Location: Earth Colony, coastal shore
Up until now Sirius had lived his entire life in space but he had never truly seen stars until this moment, completely entranced in the wethot slide of Remus’ mouth against his sensitive skin. It was nerve tingling, vision blurring, all consuming feeling that left him simultaneously gasping for more and terrified that he wouldn’t be capable of handling it if his pleas were answered.
Sirius was used to giving orders. There was a reason he’d become a captain after all. It was something that seeped into his very core, the foundation of his being needing to be in control and refusing to relinquish to someone else’s demands. But if there was anything Sirius was going to listen to, it was the low command growled against his skin to ‘stay still’. Even if it meant his thighs trembled with the effort, every muscle screaming at him to move towards the delicious heat.
He could do this. For his Moon.
Sirius was distantly aware of broken moans and high whines tumbling from his mouth, sounds he’d surely be embarrassed about if he had any mental capabilities left to bloody think. Strong hands pinned his hips firmly in place and he scrambled to cover them with his own, squeezing in silent thanks for the support that Remus graciously offered to help him follow orders.
Sirius’ eyes fluttered when a low groan issued deep from Remus’ chest. A clear sign that his efforts to be good were seen and fully appreciated. The vibration sent hot shocks of pleasure coursing through his body, the slide of slick lips and a teasing tongue across his hard length drawing out another breathless whimper.
Remus had absolutely followed through on his promise.
What had started as an innocent kiss on the knuckles had quickly transitioned into a talented tongue mapping every inch of Sirius’ visible skin. And once Remus had gotten a taste of the visible skin, his clothing was quickly tossed aside in a careless pile in the sand, Sirius willfully submitting to every bite and lick drifting over his exposed body.
He understood now. Why Remus had reacted so intensely to him sucking his fingers.
Sirius choked down a loud moan and opened his eyes to glance down at the sight of stretched lips, hollowed cheeks, darkened amber eyes peering up at him in worship, Remus’ nose pressed against the dark hair below his stomach. The heat of his throat spasming around him–
Sirius was going to combust.
The scarred hands pining his hips in place were swiftly removed and Sirius let out a weak whimper, needing those hands to keep himself from thrusting up. But if this was a test, then he would pass it. He would stay still. Remus released another deep hum of approval at the sign of compliance and pulled his mouth back with an obscene pop. It was replaced by a warm hand, pumping his length with tight pressure, bringing Sirius closer to the stars.
“You did so well for me, cariad. You can move now. You earned it.”
He distantly translated the words, still lost in the steady rhythm of Remus’ fist and beyond any ability to reply except for a soft whine of acknowledgment. The permission was almost too good to believe and he remained frozen in place. Even when Remus’ mouth returned, pliant and open. Waiting for Sirius to take control.
He blinked down towards his love in search of explanation, needing to be certain that he understood. The twinkle in Remus’ eyes, the soft quirk of a mouth, seeing the permission he had been granted to move as a demand not a suggestion.
That was enough.
Sirius gripped tawny curls tightly in his fingers and his hips were thrusting up once, twice, three times before absolute pleasure shot through his very bones, his lips open with a wordless cry. A culmination of every touch, kiss, and bite building to an earth shattering moment of pure ecstasy. Body locked in a state of complete disbelief, Sirius vaguely acknowledged that Remus had swallowed the evidence of his pleasure, his release greedily sucked dry.
He collapsed back on the sand–his body floating with echoes of bliss–and felt warm lips press a delicate kiss against his bare thigh, his stomach, his heaving chest. A scarred face and amber eyes hovered above him and Sirius reached out a shaking hand to ground himself against a freckled cheek.
“Remus…” He leaned up, a part of him longing for the security of a kiss to bring him back into his body, but frowned when his partner hesitated.
“Some people dun like to kiss after,” Remus explained, his voice husky and raw.
Well bugger that.
Sirius captured swollen lips with his own and tasted himself on Remus’ tongue, the line where he ended and Remus began deliciously blurred. He breathed out a relieved sigh at the touch and melted into the kiss. In the vast and unfathomable size of the universe, this was exactly where he was supposed to be.
He was also painfully aware that Remus had done all the work and was likely struggling with his own desire. Sirius trailed his hands across the contours of toned chest muscles and the soft outline of ribs. His fingers slipped into the waistband of Remus’ pants along the gentle dip of his hips.
An involuntary whine escaped Sirius’ throat when he felt Remus’ heated skin, rigid and leaking, trapped within his trousers. He swallowed harshly as his mouth flooded with spit, a sudden and desperate desire of want wringing throughout his body. He must have spoken the plea out loud because Remus pulled back from their languid kiss after biting gently against his lower lip with possessive teeth.
“What do you want, my star?”
“I need to taste you.” Those whispered words did little to explain the reason behind his desperation, the need to have something of Remus inside him altering the very make up of his soul.
Sirius leaned into the warm hand that pressed against his cheek and looked up at Remus in a daze, the man hovering over him with a thoughtful expression. His entire being felt liquified—every bone and muscle completely spent from the pleasure he had experienced. Sirius was certain that even lifting a finger would require an immense effort.
Apparently his weakened state was obvious because he felt the rumble of laughter shake through Remus’ body.
“I reckon you’re a bit tired, love,” he stated knowingly, stroking a rough thumb over Sirius’ flushed cheeks. “And I remember telling ya that all you needed to do for this date was look pretty. Seems to me you did your job incredibly well.”
The last part was spoken with pure wonder and another jolt of pleasure shot through Sirius from the praise. He was tired. But he was also very good at getting what he wanted.
He turned his head slightly to capture Remus’ thumb between his lips and sucked, gently lapping his tongue across the skin, delighting at the sharp inhale that hissed from between Remus’ lips. The thumb was pressed deeper into his mouth and he accepted it eagerly, peering up at his partner in gratitude.
Sirius wanted to cry out in disappointment when Remus pulled his hand away, but his mouth was quickly filled by two fingers and he moaned against the long digits as they began a steady rhythm pumping between his lips. He fumbled with the buttons on Remus’ trousers, mentally cursing the blasted complexities of earthly garments, and finally freed him from the tight confines of his pants. The angle was challenging with Remus hovering over him balanced on one elbow but Sirius managed to wrap his fist around the base of his erection to give an encouraging squeeze.
“I want— Moony, please.” His words came out distorted around the fingers in his mouth but he was understood enough to cause Remus to release a low groan.
“Christ. How do you want me, cariad?”
Remus trailed his wet fingers across his lower lip, patiently waiting for his response. The thought of shifting positions sounded like an unneeded expense of energy and Sirius honestly doubted his ability to move from his current sprawl. He pondered for a moment before flashing a cheeky grin.
“I can lay here and look pretty with my mouth open.”
Remus dropped his head and released a low stream of swears at the invitation against his ear. Sirius felt a surge of confidence—proud that his words could have that much of an effect. For a brief moment the pressure and heat of Remus’ body disappeared, only to return with the man gently lifting Sirius’ head from the sand to place his folded jumper down to provide a lifted cushion for him to rest on.
He sucked in a covetous breath when Remus rose up on his knees to straddle his chest, his lower half lined up with Sirius’ face.
“Put your hands on my hips,” Remus directed softly and he hurried to comply. “If ya let go that means you want to stop.”
Sirius licked his lips impatiently and nodded, opening his mouth wide. He huffed in annoyance when Remus remained still and blinked up at him in question.
“Show me what you’ll do if you want me to stop.”
He quickly dropped his hands down to the sand from their tight hold. It was worth the wait when he received warm appraisal and a delicate hand threading through his hair. Sirius opened his mouth again after replacing his hands and moaned when he felt the weight of Remus against his tongue, welcoming the taste of salt and home.
He let his body relax and gave in completely to the slow slide against his lips, mindful of the gentle encouragement to watch his teeth, the hitching gasps that Remus released joining the sound of waves crashing against the shore. Sirius breathed steadily through his nose and got lost in sensation, unaware if mere seconds or hours had passed. All of his senses filled by Remus.
He distantly recognized that he was being treated carefully, evident by the shallow thrusts into his mouth and gentle pressure of the hand in his hair. Sirius tightened his grip on Remus’ hips—careful not to scratch—and angled his head further to allow deeper access. Offering himself to be used by a person who would only show him kindness in return.
Sirius gagged at the new pressure against his throat and felt tears slip from the corner of his eyes, but his hands remained fixed in place providing reassurance that it was still wanted. And there was something significant to be said about the absolute trust between them when Remus didn’t stop, honouring his silent communication that everything was alright.
The deep moan that burst from Remus was enough for Sirius to echo with a muffled whine of his own and he felt the hand in his hair tighten with a sharp tug, his Moon moving with a more desperate rhythm.
“Sirius, I’m going to—“
He whined again when Remus attempted to pull back and fiercely held on, keeping him trapped within the heat of his mouth. Remus uttered a final groan and Sirius choked on the overwhelming yet exhilarating flood of his release. He swallowed, coaxing out more with his tongue, desperately needing to capture every single drop.
His hands relinquished their deathly grip and Sirius felt a pang of loss when Remus pulled back to free his mouth. Large but gentle hands wiped the tears from his face and a devoted kiss was placed firmly against his forehead.
“You mean everything to me, Sirius.”
He hummed quietly in recognition as exhaustion finally sank in and his eyes drifted shut, his mouth fixed in a content smile. Sirius felt a fond caress through his hair, the sudden weightlessness as Remus picked him up with a grunt, and the jostling movement as he was carried across the uneven shore towards the makeshift bed in the back of the rover.
Sirius slid his naked body under the soft blankets and nestled into the pillows, his eyes heavy lidded with satiation. There was a distant hiss in the background as Remus doused their fire and a rustle as their belongings were packed up and tucked away.
The vehicle shook and Sirius felt the warm weight of his partner settling down next to him. He rolled over to face him—despite being unable to see much in the dark–and released a loud yawn. He was pleased when Remus paused in pulling off the rest of his clothes to let out an amused snort at his performance.
Sirius allowed himself to be manoeuvred to rest against Remus’ chest, their bare skin pressed together and bodies tightly intertwined underneath the night sky. Sirius groaned happily when Remus started to knead the tension from the stiff muscles in his neck and jaw.
“It’s funny,” he murmured, silently thrilled at the rough state of his voice. “Thinking about the last time we were laying under the stars together.”
Remus released a breathless laugh and paused in his massage. “Aye. I reckon I was already half-way in love with you then.” He stilled and let out another snort, this time amused with himself. “In hindsight it was fairly obvious.”
“It’s truly embarrassing I didn’t realise.” Sirius snickered and jabbed a finger into Remus’ ribs. “The way your parents were going off about how gorgeous you found me. The aggressive threat to give me a hug.”
His heart tightened when he felt the hot air against the top of his head from one of Remus’ signature huffs. “It wasn’t aggressive.”
Sirius laughed and buried his face against his chest to cover his smile, feigning ignorance. “And how do you feel about me now?”
“I can easily admit that I love you beyond words.”
Gentle fingers began a steady stroke through his hair and Sirius hummed happily at the sign of affection. He felt the rumble of Remus’ fond laughter underneath his cheek, warm hands absently mapping out patterns against the smooth skin of his back. His body and mind were wholeheartedly at peace and Sirius slipped into a state of semi-consciousness on the edge of sleep. However a hesitant request was enough to pull him back to the present.
“I remember that you were prayin’ that night. Can you teach me what you said?”
Sirius raised his head to rest his chin against Remus’ chest and peered up at the faint glimmer of his eyes. “Gratia astra sum quod sum. By the grace of the stars I am what I am,” he whispered quietly into the night air and swallowed back a surge of emotion when the words were repeated back with reverence. “Why did you want to know?”
“I wanna learn everythin’ I can about ya. And—I have a lot to be grateful for.”
The last thing Sirius heard before he fell asleep was the fierce declaration rumbling beneath his cheek. “I’ll spend the rest of my fuckin’ life thanking the stars for bringing you to me.”
Sirius had never been on a date before, but even with his limited knowledge he was certain that the time spent on the beach would rank quite high on the Tiers of Romance scale. (If such a thing existed. Maybe he would create one for research purposes.) Either way, he and Remus had allowed themselves a moment to indulge in each other, strengthening the tether between them, and Sirius could only be inspired for a future filled with more.
One important aspect about Sirius—that could be considered a character strength or a fatal flaw depending who was asked—was his tendency to be obsessive. Kindly stated, he fixated on things. It was something that lit a fire beneath him, fueling him with a passionate energy to accomplish whatever goal he set his eyes on until it was either a success or failure of epic portions. And a failure was really just another problem to solve. In the end, Sirius Black always got what he wanted, regardless of how many detours he had to take along the way.
The current obsession that was taking residence in the captain’s brain was simple. Love.
Of course the feeling of love itself wasn’t simple, it was actually very complex and terrifying in all its entirety. But Sirius had decided that he wanted the relationship he had been granted, thanks. And now that he had made up his mind it was something that would happen, without a doubt. He would do what he needed to protect the sacred bond he had been gifted by the stars.
Unfortunately this meant being separated from the person of his infatuation.
After their date Remus left for his 48 hour watch rotation with his newly reassigned partner (Sirius allowed himself to feel very smug at the way Caradoc’s eyes had bulged at their Public Display of Affection and requited love prior to their departure. The absolute wanker.) and the remainder of the colony and Patronus crew finalised plans.
The plan against the Southerners was as follows:
The outer colony wall had seven stationed teams spread along the 6 kilometre stretch of barricade. Each team was assigned a leader and assorted personnel armed with both space and earth weaponry. A Pack member was also assigned to each team to act as a messenger, relaying supplies and intel from one station to the next—keeping the younger Watchers out of immediate combat but still utilising their strengths.
The inner colony centre would house the leaders and those unable to fight. Mad Eye would be positioned in the main Watch Tower as a centre point for communication for those out on the field, with James alongside him to assist in technological support. Sirius had insisted that his second in command remain in the protected inner walls, partially due to the man’s skillset, but also to keep the officer safe to step in as captain if Sirius was harmed. James had put up a solid fuss about being ‘abandoned’ but eventually conceded knowing that his lacklustre combat abilities were better positioned behind a computer screen.
As far as battle strategy went, it was fairly solid.
Sirius pulled his hair back into a tight knot at the base of his neck, adjusted the energy dagger strapped to his forearm, and hefted himself up into the passenger seat of his PTV. He locked eyes with Remus across the quad and gave a short nod. The Watcher was loaded up in his own rover with his team ready to depart towards his station on the west side, dressed in one of his typical jumpers and patched trousers, rifle slung over his shoulder.
Both men had agreed to withhold any good byes, instead choosing to reunite after the battle had been fought. Because the concept of them not seeing each other again was unimaginable. And a goodbye felt too close to sealing a damning promise, a sign of an end.
Sirius broke eye contact and slapped the roof of the vehicle, signalling Fabian to start their journey to the east, his team stationed on the east edge of the colony between Caradoc and Kingsley’s. The deadline that the Southern leader had given was tomorrow and they would spend the night at their respective locations ready to respond to an attack at a moment's notice.
They rolled up to their designated site and Sirius jumped out, his thick boots crunching against the dirt and gravel. A mix of assorted colony and Patronus members were already present and stood to attention at his arrival, his crew greeting him with professional salutes.
“Commander Black, we’ve set up camp and have torches lit on top of the barricade for those on scheduled watch.” Sirius peered up at the top of the wall stretching over 10 metres high and spotted figures pacing along the top ledge, silhouetted by the fires and setting sun.
“Thank you, Smith. Once everyone is in position, put out the flames. The full moon will offer enough light and we don’t want the southerners spotting us from a distance. When night falls keep torches lit only behind the cover of the wall.”
His orders were quickly dispersed among the crew and the air was thick with anticipation, seen in restless movements and hushed murmurs around the campfire. Sirius instructed the Patronus members to get some rest—knowing they were used to falling asleep whenever time was offered—and allowed the remaining colony folk to take the first shift to expel some needed anxiety.
Sirius prepared himself for a long wait. He provided gentle words of encouragement when needed and delegated mindless tasks, keeping those awake alert and occupied. The torch nearest to the staircase was marked with tallies to signal the passing time and he counted the slots, identifying that it was near midnight and the next shift would need to be woken in under an hour.
He made the long climb up the narrow staircase to stand atop the wall, gave a soft greeting to the people stationed there, and glanced out at the dark landscape. It was a quiet and clear night. It would make it easier for them to spot any signs of approaching scouts, but the dense forest and rocky terrain left a lot of room for enemy coverage. Regulus was shining rather ostentatiously overhead, and Sirius narrowed his eyes at the star before shifting his attention towards the moon cloaked in soft clouds. The soft glow offered a reminder why he was there, fighting for the person on the other side of the colony. His person.
A sudden sharp tug resounded in his chest and Sirius placed a hand over his sternum, giving in to the sudden urge to look to the west. The long stretch of barricade disappeared at a curve into the pitch black distance and Sirius squinted in the dark, ears on alert.
Nothing for a moment except for the gentle silence that comes with nightfall. And then he heard the faint cries and unmistakable echoes of gunfire.
“All personnel, standby!”
His loud command broke the peace, the words implementing a sudden flurry of movement as the drowsy members on watch jumped to action and those asleep were roused from their beds. Sirius’ crew recognized their leader’s instruction to prepare for possible combat and carried the message among the group, weapons in hand.
“Fabian!” Sirius sought out the redhead among the crowd and the man quickly hurried to his side at the base of the stairs. “Stay on the comms and wait for possible contact from the centre. Do not establish contact first, wait for a message. We don’t want to clog communication.”
He was given a firm ‘yes, captain' as his officer disappeared to follow direction and Sirius turned towards the young Watcher frozen with wide eyes.
“Benjy. Get in the rover and go to Kingsley’s station. Convene with the Pack member there and gather any information that you can. The fight sounds further away, but if you notice any signs of battle turn back immediately. You are not to engage. Understood?”
The boy gulped but nodded in sombre understanding, his bravery fueling him as he set off in the vehicle towards the next relay point.
The dark parts of him were strangely at peace in the midst of danger, trained and ready (and eager). Sirius sucked in a sharp inhale through his nose, adrenaline thrumming through his body, and exhaled. He barked out instructions for people to reassume position on top of the wall and then the waiting began. The faraway sounds of combat provided a sharp slap of reality in the disorienting darkness and he cautioned his team to remain vigilant but collected. Commander Black would not allow edginess to infiltrate the group, the impulsive firing of weapons avoidable and unnecessary under his leadership.
Finally the growing rumble of an approaching rover cut through the tense atmosphere as their Pack member returned.
“Fight at the second group in the west,” Benjy gasped and tumbled out of the vehicle. Sirius froze to a halt a few yards away, suddenly unable to move. “Tonks arrived at Kingsley’s the same time I did. They said they’re holding them off and able to keep the southerners back but they have guns that are damaging the wall.”
“Is—“ Sirius cleared his throat and strode towards Benjy, clasping his shoulder and forcing the boy to meet his gaze. “Are there any casualties?”
“Not any of ours.” Benjy blinked up at him with a knowing look and added quietly. “Tonk’s said that Remus was alive when they left. He’s fighting.”
“Right. I’m calling the centre for orders. Benjy, stay here. Caradoc will likely send their Pack member over for news.” He willed the shaking in his hands to subside, needing to push away emotions and tap back into the cold interior of indifference. But while Sirius was the Commander, he would also always be Remus’ star. There was no way to banish the love roaring through his veins, even now.
Fabian passed him the comm device and before he could send out a message a gruff voice barked out through the device.
“Commander Black, remain at your station.”
Sirius knew that would be the resulting directive. He was too far from the fight, leaving would leave the eastside vulnerable. The neighbouring teams would have to do their part in assisting Remus. But he couldn’t help but choke on the flaring rebellion that surged up in his throat.
“Yes, sir.”
He threw the comm device back towards Fabian with a snarl and stalked off to reclaim his watch on top of the barricade. It was quiet on their front, the majority of action happening on the other side of the colony. A gentle presence at his side caused him to turn his gaze away from the landscape, Benjy joining him in his silent vigil.
“Remus will be alri’. He’s one of the toughest people I know.”
Sirius nodded stiffly in reply. “I have faith. I’ll feel it if he’s in danger.” He glanced at the stars and ruffled the top of Benjy’s untidy hair in an Earthly sign of affection. “You should get down off the wall, stay safe down below.”
“There’s nothing happenin’ here,'' the boy moaned. “I’m bored.” Sirius shook with silent laughter, the young Watcher still an impatient child underneath everything, needing some semblance of entertainment. They both turned towards the left at the faint sound of a rover, Caradoc finally having sent his member over for information.
“There you go, mate. Go let them know what you’ve seen.”
Benjy perked up and nodded, glad to have something to do, and shuffled towards the stairs for a long descent. “I’m glad you and Remus got together,” he added with a shy smirk, pausing at the top step. “That pissy lad needed someone like you in his life.”
Sirius barked out a surprised laugh, sharp and loud in the night air, and offered a genuine smile back.
The grin on Benjy’s face remained, even when the spear that hurdled through the dark lodged itself violently in his chest in a burst of crimson. One minute a lively teenager faced with the realities of survival, the next a corpse slumped against the barricade ledge.
Three seconds.
That was how long he fell into complete despair, eyes transfixed on liquid gore. Mourning a boy who had so much life left to live. And then something snapped, the dead teenager was just another fallen soldier, and the Commander was back with orders falling from his lips and a firearm cocked in his hand.
“Ready weapons! Enemies sighted!”
His voice rang out with a crack and they lurched into action against the sneak attack, firing out into the dark at indecipherable shadows. Lit torches were sent over the walls to cast light on the scouts shrouded in the cover of night, improving their aim. Another spear whipped past, grazing Sirius’ cheek, blood trickling down his face and cooling in the crisp air, and he fired back with a centred gunshot finding home in his attacker’s forehead.
The rover from the neighbouring team braked to a stop with a loud squeal down at the camp and Sirius swore under his breath. One innocent had already died tonight. That was enough. “Go back!” He screamed towards the rover from his position on top of the barricade. His voice was lost among the chaos and Sirius ran at a full sprint down the stairs, seeing the person fall out from the driver side door. “Combat underway!”
A loud explosion sounded out from the other side of the barricade and he fell to the ground from the shock of the blast. Gravel dug into the palms of his hands as he glanced back at the wall, ears ringing and the air filled with smoke. Sirius sent a prayer to the stars in relief when he saw that the barricade was still intact. For now.
The last thing he was aware of before everything went dark was the full moon in the sky, Remus’ name on his lips, and one of the Patronus’ plasma pistols hitting him in the back of the head.
“The celestial is in the back, grab ‘im.”
Sirius regained consciousness to the sight of a forest canopy above him, body bound and gagged. It was still night but the sky was lighter, hinting at approaching sunrise and the hours that had passed. The air was full of deep chatter and crackling fires but no signs of combat. Either the battle had stalled or they were too far from the colony to hear the screams. He shifted to his side and noted that he was laying on the hard bed of a familiar vehicle.
A rover.
Sirius had grown complacent, so fixated on the threat outside the walls that he’d forgotten about the other danger lurking on the inside.
The back door opened with a high creak and large hands dragged him towards the opening. He released a displeased grunt around the dirty rag in his mouth out of protest at the rough treatment and struggled against his captor, an ugly bloke with limp blond hair.
His slender frame had been sorely underestimated by the southerners, an unfortunate fatal mistake. The shocked scout was easily sent down to the forest floor in a messy sprawl with Sirius landing on top in a tangle of limbs. Despite having bound hands and ankles, he managed to wrestle the man into a pin, sliding his thighs around the man’s throat with deadly precision. A sharp jerk and the resulting crack of a neck killed the man instantly. No suffering necessary.
There was a deafening roar of shouts and a mad scramble as other men rushed over and pried him away from their fallen mate, one scout tugging him back with a tight fist on his long hair that had come undone in the scrum. The jostling shifted the rag in his mouth and Sirius released a few choice swears, fighting against the new restraint.
“Oi! Watch the hair, you bloody bastard!”
The southerners appeared to have finally caught on to his threat level and he was unable to break free from the asteroid of a man holding him firmly in place. They were in a clearing surrounded by tree coverage, the area filled with bruised and battered southerners from battle. A dark-haired scout with a large nose stalked forward— Merlin, they were really an unattractive bunch—and jerked his head towards the tent erected in the back of the clearing.
Sirius was hauled towards the person sitting comfortably under the cover of the shelter. An ancient man with paper thin skin, drained of all colour, except for surprisingly alert cerulean eyes. His first glimpse of the infamous Overseer. This was the puppet master who allowed his men to act as cannon fodder when he manipulated the strings from a distance unapologetically unscathed.
“Thank you, Severus.”
The man spoke fondly to the beaky nosed southerner, and Sirius could have gagged at the sickening devotion that filled the scout’s face with the simple words of approval. The Overseer’s voice contrasted with his feeble appearance and rang out strong and clear. The sound of a charismatic leader, the obvious loyalty emanating from those in the clearing. Men who fought for a cause they believed in with blind obedience, unable to see the truth with minds clouded by disease.
Those jarring eyes turned towards him with open intrigue as he was forced down into a kneeling position at the base of the Overseer’s chair. “Mr. Black, I’m so thankful you could finally join us.”
Sirius gave an indifferent look in return. “It’s Commander Black, actually,” he sniffed. “And I didn’t have much choice.”
“No, I reckon you didn’t,” he agreed politely. They could have been acquaintances speaking over a formal lunch instead of a prisoner of war and his captor. “I was very patient. I waited two weeks for your support to arrive but I think it’s safe to assume that you weren’t going to come running to our aide. And I always follow through on my promises.”
Sirius let out a humourless laugh. “Right. Promises of bloodshed and destruction. Though I can’t help but notice that you appear to be quite comfortable sitting on the sidelines.”
“A good leader joins his people on the battlefront. An excellent leader has people inspired to do it for him. And as you can see, I’ve inspired many. What about you, Sirius Black? Would others willingly put their life on the line to save yours? Would you let them?”
Disgusting. His lip curled with a sneer and hissed back towards the deranged leader with venom. “I would never value my own life over the people loyal to me.”
The Overseer smiled, a haunting expression, decaying teeth visible behind colourless lips. “A man of character,” he acknowledged. “It’s unfortunate that your selflessness was not shared by others on your side.” Sirius narrowed his eyes slightly but refused to take the bait. There was a shuffle of movement behind him as another person approached. “Ah, here he is now. Come on, my son. You deserve to be recognized for your efforts.”
Another scout gave a shove with a grunt and a young boy stumbled forward before the leader with a jerky bow and averted gaze. Sirius stared steadily, daring him to meet his eyes, feeling nothing but disappointment at the display of cowardice.
“Bit surprised to see you here, mate.”
Zep looked over at him and frowned before glancing back down towards his feet in the dirt, declining to speak. The dark-haired scout, Severus, gave an unamused snort and placed a protective hand on the young Watcher’s back.
“He’s one of us. Once a Member of Merlin, always a member. He’s come back home.”
Behind his cool exterior Sirius was livid. He couldn’t help but take the betrayal personally, thinking of the experiences shared over the past month, the moments of empathy he had felt towards the poor boy. “You’d turn against a colony who took you in? Who raised you?”
Zep snapped up to glare at him, suddenly alive and furious. “I did this for the colony! For both of the colonies. A fight would never have happened if we’d given you over to them when they first asked. And you–” the boy blinked back against a flood of angry tears. “You killed those two scouts!” He scrubbed at his dirty face, tears leaving clean tracks on his cheeks. “You didn’t even know who they were. One of them could have been my brother!”
Brother.
Sirius stiffened at the admission and flicked his eyes back towards the dark-haired man hovering over Zep’s shoulder. Beneath the signs of sickness and malnourishment, underneath the layer of grime, there was a family resemblance in the sharp eyes and pointed chin. And despite the anger he felt at the betrayal there was a small part of him, wedged deeply within the confines of his heart, that understood.
“Maybe you only meant to turn against me,” he admitted quietly. “And not the colony. But you talk about loyalty and family? Benjy is dead. By their hands. Not mine.”
Zep shot him a wary glare but Sirius could see that his words had shaken the boy. “You’re lyin’,” he whispered back, his voice cracked with doubt.
“No. I watched him bleed out in front of me.” Zep’s eyes filled with tears and he shook his head in disbelief. “He was innocent and died from a spear thrown by one of these men.”
The young Watcher let out a wounded cry and sank down to the dirt with a choked sob. “Can–can I go back to the colony now,” he pleaded towards the Overseer in a broken whisper. “I gave you information. I brought him to you. The fight can stop. He can help.”
The dark-haired scout gave a disgusted grunt at his younger brother’s display and hauled him up to his feet. “ Enough, Zephyr. The Seer doesn’t have time for your childish antics.”
“My son.” The Overseer cut in gently, and Zep peered up at him like a starving man begging for scraps. “I am sorry for any losses that occurred. Because of this celestial there were many deaths, any bloodshed is his own doing. You did the right thing for your family.”
A tortured expression filled the young Pack member’s face. “I dunno if it was worth it,” he spat and spun around, turning his back on the Overseer and stalking across the clearing.
“Keep an eye on him, Severus. Loss can lead a person to do unpredictable things.” The scout gave a firm nod in understanding and hurried off after his younger brother leaving Sirius alone for the first time with the southern leader.
Sirius gave an impatient shrug of his shoulder, hastily brushing his tangled locks out of his face. “I hate to be a bearer of bad news, but your efforts have been a waste. I can’t build you a spaceship. I don’t have the ability to do so, regardless of what you might think.”
“Oh no.” The Overseer sent him a pitying look with a knowing smile. “That deal ended as soon as I gathered new information about what lies within the colony walls. I was told in a prophecy that salvation would descend from the sky. I originally thought it was you, a gift from the stars to guide us home, but now I see you for what you are. A false prophet banished from the heavens and damned to a life on Earth. The gift I’ve been granted is your ship, Commander Black. And I plan to accept the offering.”
A hysterical laugh burst from his mouth before Sirius could hold it back.
The man was clearly mad, ravaged by years of toxic exposure eating away at his sanity. While he’d happily come to terms with life on Earth, he would not condemn his crew and take away their only escape back into the stars. “Even if I wanted to consider giving my ship, you wouldn’t be able to run it. It’s suicide. You and your people would be sentencing yourself to death.”
The Seer tilted his head in thought and calmly regarded the bound celestial kneeling in front of him. “I believe that’s why you’ll be joining us, captain.”
“Absolutely not.”
“I thought you might be reluctant, which is why I spared someone special in the battle. This person is currently safe, but I would have no regrets in ending his life if things do not go my way. I believe you’re well acquainted with Remus Lupin? His team was overpowered on the western point not too long ago.”
Sirius instantly stiffened, his body paralyzed with fear. This was the risk of love, feeling that cut through all his training that relied on cold indifference. His weakness on clear display and ready to be exploited. “That’s not true,” he croaked, hating the way terror had taken over every aspect of his being. “Let me see him.”
The Overseer sighed and sat back in his seat and fixed him with a look of pure disappointment. “You seem to have forgotten who is in charge. Would you really take the risk, your life above his? I would hate to let the man know that his star had such disregard for his well being. I’ve proven that I follow through on my promises.”
Commander Black III could have scoffed at the threat and taken the gamble without any solid evidence, trusting logic above all else. But Sirius was no longer just the Commander.
He would do what he needed to protect the sacred bond he had been gifted by the stars, even if it meant sacrificing himself in the process.
“Alright. You have a deal.”
Notes:
So much happened in this chap, Christ.
Round of applause for our boys getting blow jobs. *claps*Also...Spy reveal! Anyone see it coming?
Appreciate the comments and kudos as always <3
(I wrote a second part to my other story Remus Lupin's Boyfriend from James' POV, so check it out!)
Chapter 26: He's Gone
Summary:
Remus had a fleeting and horrifying thought that maybe he was meant for war.
Notes:
This has been a long time coming, I'm so sorry!!
Part of the delay was my being busy with life things that required a lot of my focus, but the bigger problem was REMUS. (Everyone boo him for me. Thank you.)
This gorgeous fucker would not let me write him. I was begging and threatening him all month and he'd just look at me with a raised eyebrow, casually smoke endless cigarettes, and flip me the bird. If he wasn't all our collective boyfriend, then I would've thrown some fists.
ANYWAY. Here you all go!
TW: continued vivid descriptions of war, violence, and death. No fluff in this chapter, folks.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Rat in a drain ditch, caught on a limb, you know better but I know him
Like I told you, what I said, steal your face right off your head
Now he's gone, now he's gone, Lord he's gone, he's gone
Like a steam locomotive, rollin' down the track
He's gone, he's gone and nothin's gonna bring him back, he's gone
-Grateful Dead "He’s Gone" 1972
Remus had a fleeting and horrifying thought that maybe he was meant for war.
There was a part deep inside of him that felt alive despite the bloodshed and cries of anguish that pressed in from all sides. A ferocity born from life on Earth that thrived amid chaos. At the root of humanity they all had an innate instinct to survive, one simply had to embrace it.
His boot connected with a solid thud against the chest of an attacker, the impact jolting up his thigh, and the man fell to the ground unable to prevent the swift dagger that sank into his neck. The first life that Remus had ever taken and he was fully present for every millisecond. The way the light faded from the person’s eyes, the warm gush of blood coating his fingers, the weak cry that bubbled up with a last exhale of air.
It was sickening but it was reality. Survival of the fittest.
He was granted a brief pause in the onslaught of attacks and used the time to quickly examine his surroundings, the air filled with smoke from explosives that left a gaping hole in the barricade. Kingsley had sent reinforcement from his zone to assist Remus’ team and the difference the additional people made had been revitalising.
They were winning.
The Southerners had come to the same conclusion and were making a hasty retreat, ready to lick their wounds and regroup at a distance away from the violence. In the back of his mind, Remus could hear Mad-Eye’s voice reminding him to stay vigilant, that winning a fight did not mean they had won the overall war. But he couldn’t help the rising triumph and pride for his people filling his chest as he watched their enemies fleeing from the battlefield.
A crunch in the gravel directed his attention to the person approaching from the left, Marlene emerging from the smoke like a phantom, grey armour shining menacingly and her soot-stained face flecked in blood not her own.
“They’re falling back. Orders?”
He licked his cracked lips and answered back hoarsely. “We’ll take a tally on any losses, inventory injuries. See if the fuckin’ barricade can be temporarily repaired.”
The blonde celestial nodded and raised an eyebrow, giving him a pointed look. “And we’ll be counting you as one of the injured, correct?
It was mortifying to admit it but the damn woman was right. His left arm hung limply at his side drenched in blood and dirt, a nasty slash from a spear rendering the appendage completely useless. He’d avoided looking after messily bandaging it with material ripped from his pants, but the wound would need attention very soon. Only the adrenaline from the scrum had dulled the agony that was now impossible to ignore, pulsing with each beat of his heart.
“Aye,” he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his functioning hand. “Let’s contact base and see how the other teams are doing. If it’s safe we can get the medical team sent out to assist us.”
Marlene hoisted him up from his crouched position over the scout’s dead body, and he released a grunt as his arm jostled in the movement, putting his pride aside to allow the celestial to guide him toward their communication station at the back of their temporary camp.
Remus took in the organized mayhem that was the camp. Injured were being lined up for temporary treatment, weapons were being gathered, teams were organizing to monitor the open barricade. Before Remus could process it all a radio was being shoved into his hand.
“Remus to command. Southerners are retreating.”
“Copy.” James Potter’s voice crackled through the radio and Remus was reminded of their first communication over comm device, something that felt like it occurred ages ago. “Are you needing medics on the field?”
He shifted his shoulder with another pained groan. “Aye. Currently tallying up injured and dead. But we could use some help.”
“Sending Lily’s team over to you now. Hang in there, mate.”
All he could do now was wait. Any attempts at helping his team complete repairs or identify the fallen bodies scattered in the dirt were firmly refused after one look at his bloodstained appearance. Remus was forced to sit back as his body became aware of the severity of his injury, a cold sweat breaking out across his forehead, shivers racking his frame as shock sank in.
It was a relief when an old rover arrived in a plume of dust and his best friend leapt to his side with her green eyes wide in concern.
“See if other people need help first,” he pleaded weakly. “I’m not dyin’.”
“Other healers came with me,” Lily responded curtly, stoutly ignoring his request, and shoved a Wide-Eye tonic in his face. Remus allowed the thick liquid to slide down his throat, immediately feeling more alert. He hissed in pain when his impromptu bandage was cut off with a tug by Lily’s deft fingers and fresh blood immediately began to flow from the lack of pressure.
“This is bad, Rem. You’re cut to the bone, it’ll bleed out if we don’t close the wound immediately. I can use medicine from the Patronus to seal it, but I’ll need to do some temporary stitches now in the field.”
The offer for pain relief was stubbornly refused, he couldn’t risk the drunk effects or lost time that accompanied one of the colony teas. Lily compromised with a local numbing agent nicked from the Patronus supplies, and while it lessened the intensity of the pain, Remus still battled against black spots filling his vision as his skin was hastily stitched together.
Christ it hurt.
The harsh pinches and tugs on his wound–the pierce of a needle sewing into flesh–kept him from slipping away into the darkness that threatened to overcome his vision. He felt dizzy regardless of the tonic he’d just taken, his palms slick with sweat, and gratefully relinquished his care to his trusted friend.
Until she quietly informed him that he was being removed from the battle.
“Nuh. I’m stayin’. I’m in charge.”
“Well, you better find someone else to be in charge then. Preferably someone with working limbs.”
“Lily.”
“Remus,” she pleaded, finally losing her collected demeanour and giving in to her underlying distress. “I’m not asking as a friend, I’m telling you as your healer. Your arm still needs help. Get in the feckin’ rover.”
He obliged, recognizing a fight he couldn’t win, and informed Marlene that she’d be taking over as the team lead. The celestial had widened her eyes, stammering that she was an engineer, not a soldier like Kingsley. But she was one of Sirius’ most trusted people, someone in the captain’s innermost circle, and Remus knew that the woman was someone he could rely on.
The rover was loaded up with several other people decorated in their own collection of wounds, and Remus averted his eyes from a gruesome injury that involved impaled scav from one of the blasts. The man, Wilkes, was a strong and hardened lad who worked with his dad out in the fields. But he was letting out mournful sobs as the rover hit various bumps on their journey, the movement jarring the metal lodged in his body.
The grim realities of war.
He woke with a start as the inner colony barricade closed behind them with a metal clang, apparently passing out at some point on the journey from pain, blood loss, or exhaustion. Volunteers were running around the quad, helping the injured to temporary cots. Remus spotted his mum in the crowd, Hope’s arms laden with clean cloth bandages.
Wilkes had stopped crying.
The sun was making a slow appearance over the horizon, dawn breaking and signifying how much time had been lost in the midst of battle. Remus was distantly aware of Poppy’s presence, at some point the older woman replacing his friend, and the Lead Healer informed him that his arm would likely never regain the same functioning it once had, not without serious effort over a period of time. His arm was wrapped and placed in a sling, and then the senior healer was gone just as quickly as she arrived.
There was a tonic in his hand. Remus blinked until the bottle was fully in focus and frowned at the unfamiliar liquid.
“It’s a blood-replenisher. You need to take it now. The effects are gradual and it’ll take a few hours until your blood volume is back where it should be.”
The speaker was one of the medical assistants from the Patronus, a young celestial named Emmeline. Her approach was much more clinical than Lily or Poppy’s had been, blunt and straight to the point. Without any hand-holding.
Remus found it was helpful in his current state and fumbled with the stopper, sipping on the chilled tonic that tasted faintly of honey. The celestial made sure he drained the entirety before she rewarded him with an approving nod.
“Rest here for two hours, no unnecessary movements,” she warned before darting off at the sound of another healer’s call for assistance.
Two fucking hours.
Remus let out another groan, though in frustration rather than physical pain. He needed to be doing something, not sitting on his arse as other people risked their lives. His body, however, had a different opinion, and he fell into a fitful sleep accompanied by horrific and vivid dreams. Pained cries, exploding metal, puddles of rust-coloured liquid spreading through dirt—
He was roused once again by the clang of the gates and sat upright in the dingy cot, watching through bleary eyes as another round of injured people were brought into the centre. But something else had woken him too, a deep and unsettling sense in the pit of his stomach that something was wrong.
Remus staggered to his feet, estimating that it had likely been two hours already (give or take an hour and some odd minutes), and staggered towards the commotion to lend a hand. All while trying to ignore the tumultuous distress storming in his chest.
Wrong.
“What can I do?”
A frenzied healer spared him a quick side-eye before turning their attention back towards the injured celestial, currently unconscious but breathing, a spear lodged in his chest under one of his armour panels. He looked familiar.
“We need a spare cot.”
“This way,” he urged and led the way toward his recently abandoned post, supporting the healer by clearing off the space to make room for the new patient. The celestial was lowered gently, and Remus suddenly recalled when he’d seen the lad last. The man had been sitting in a vehicle behind Sirius right before heading off towards their eastside station.
Wrongwrongwrong
“Ffion.” The healer sent him an annoyed look at the distraction but Remus carried on, his question too important to postpone. “What team are these injured people from?”
She frowned and cocked her head to the side in thought. “Eastside team, innit? Not the one with Caradoc, but the fancy space lad.”
He’d already known the answer, the tether in his chest offering enough evidence alone that Sirius was in danger. But it was still shocking to hear the truth uttered out loud, solidifying in the air as something real.
Remus spun around and frantically searched the quad for a sight of familiar raven-hair but the hunt was futile. No sign of the Commander. It should have been reassuring that his star wasn’t among the injured.
It wasn’t.
The walk to the Watch tower was a little challenging, but thankfully the people in the quad were too distracted in aiding the injured to pay any attention to the tall figure hobbling off to the tower steps. Remus supported the majority of his weight against the wall and collapsed in a patched armchair once he reached the top of the stairs with a groan.
“Remus! Merlin wept, are you alright?”
“James. Sirius’ team?” He wiped his forearm across his face, sweating rather heavily from exertion despite the small distance he travelled, and gave the celestial a desperate look, panting too heavily to say any more.
“Two attacks.” The reply was barked out from across the room and Remus turned towards his mentor, the old Watcher lurching towards him with a grave face. “Yours on the west and your celestial’s team on the east.”
“Updates?” he croaked.
“All battle has stalled, but we cannae risk standing down,” Mad-Eye admitted. “Currently sendin’ out a squad of Builders to repair walls. No exact number on the dead.”
“Any word from Sirius?”
“No,” James replied and hurried with further explanation. “But that’s not unheard of in the midst of battle. We didn’t even know that you were back here in the centre, mate.”
Remus winced at his poor communication, recognizing that it was rather difficult to stay on top of such things amongst all the chaos. “I left Marlene in charge.”
“Good. Tough lass, I like her.”
Mad-Eye gave an approving nod and settled back into his chair, vigilante as always. Remus was grateful when the old Watcher sent out a call to team six, requesting that Commander Black respond when available.
“But what are the odds?” Remus was mostly speaking to himself, frustration and anxious anticipation spurring him on. “That both my team and Sirius’ are the only ones to be attacked? It doesn’t make sense.” His mentor made an intrigued hum at the question, his scarred face screwed up in suspicion.
“2.38%”
Both Mad-Eye and Remus turned towards the celestial in confusion. The man was sitting with eyes unfocused behind analytical frames, brows pinched in thought, lips moving silently as he mumbled to himself under his breath.
“Equally likely events, a one out of seven chance of engaging in combat. But the fact that both of your teams were targeted significantly decreases the odds of it randomly occurring.” James trailed off, noting their blank looks, and crossed his arms. “I’m just saying that Remus is right, it likely wasn't a coincidence. Basic Probability Theory, the math doesn’t lie.”
“So it was intentional. But why?” The three men sat in a stumped silence, one that was eventually interrupted by the crack of an incoming call.
“Command, this is Caradoc. Checking in regarding orders. No current signs of combat.”
He barely held back the urge to snatch the radio into his own hands and listened attentively as Mad-Eye hurried to reply.
“We haven’t had any word from the next team over, aside from their request for medical support. I need you to travel their way and supply us with an update.”
“Copy. Heading out now. Their Pack member never showed up here, I reckon they sent ‘im to the west. Zep was with us but he left at the first signs of a battle, took the rover with ‘im.”
The call went dead and Mad-Eye let out several vulgar swears. “Blasted boy, runnin’ off. Feckin’ useless runt.”
James appeared to disagree with the crude statement, judging from the way his mouth pressed into a thin line, but the celestial was smart enough to stay silent. Instead he turned toward Remus and offered him a sad but reassuring smile. “Padfoot has been through a lot, mate. He’ll be alright.”
It wouldn’t do to punch the man, so Remus remained quiet, sitting rigidly in the chair. Still aware of the near-constant pull in his soul that screamed of danger. Something was wrong.
Waiting for Caradoc’s update was a special kind of torment, a new ring of blazing hell where time passed at an agonising pace. Remus stayed frozen, distantly aware of James and his mentor making various check-ins with other teams, and he counted the seconds along with each beat of his heart.
767, 768, 769, 770–
“Command, this is Officer Prewitt from station six. Caradoc arrived, our comm device was broken in combat.”
Remus snapped his head toward the radio so fast he almost broke his fucking neck. James was already scrambling to answer, his voice hiding any sign of the nervous energy evident in his posture.
“Fabian, this is James. Is the captain there, mate?”
There was a crack of static before the Patronus pilot replied. “ No, sir. Last I saw him was during the fight. But we had a medical team evacuate the injured, it’s possible he’s back at the centre getting treatment.”
“No he isn’t,” Remus blurted anxiously. He was certain there had been no sign of the celestial in the quad. Would have felt it if his partner was within his proximity.
The celestial flashed him a frightened glance at the news, the reality of the situation beginning to sink in. “Fab, Sirius isn’t here. Is– are there any bodies that have been identified?”
Fuck James Potter for asking the worst possible question. For assuming the impossible. An intrusive image filled his mind, Sirius devoid of the radiant spark that surrounded him at all times, his silver eyes dulled grey as they remained open but unseeing. His graceful body in a disjointed heap of limbs, blood trickling from the corner of once blush pink lips now drained of colour. A person so full of life rendered lifeless.
Remus briefly wondered if he was about to vomit.
“We’ve identified some.” The radio distorted the officer’s voice into something harsh and garbled. “The captain was not one of them. But the younger colony boy, from the Pack? He’s deceased, sir.”
“Benjy,” Remus responded faintly, head swirling with a disgusting mixture of relief and contrasting despair. Benjy was dead. (Sirius was alive?) .
James thanked the celestial over the radio, ended the call, and buried his face in his hands. Remus remained paralyzed, eyes unfocused and staring forward. The Lead Watcher stepped in, assuming his position of authority, taking note of their shaken expressions.
“We must have constante vigilance. Teams are tallying up now, we’ll get a clearer picture of where folks are, who’s injured. Your celestial might have gone to another station for support. Or gone off lookin’ for you, Lupin. Dun let this ruin you.”
“Sirius wouldn’t go against orders.” James looked furious, an expression Remus had never seen on the typically optimistic celestial. “We told him to remain in position. Something is wrong.”
“Aye,” the senior Watcher agreed. “And sittin’ around like depressed lumps ain’t gonna help us figure it out.”
Mad-Eye had been right. There had been no use stewing in mounting anxiety. A list was collected of those injured and receiving help in the centre, cross-examined with the resulting tally of those still out on the field or killed during the attack. The results were as follows:
31 dead Southerners.
47 people injured, 23 of those needing care and unable to return to the fight.
16 dead from their colony.
And 2 people missing.
The list had been checked and rechecked from a variety of sources but the answer remained the same. Sirius Black and Zephyr Snape were nowhere to be found within the colony walls, dead or alive. Remus knew Sirius Black. The man he knew wouldn’t have left in the middle of a battle, leaving his teammates alone to fend for themselves. The only possible explanation was that he had been taken by force.
Prisoners of war.
That had been the collective understanding, first uttered by Kingsley’s deep tenor and echoed throughout the colony in hushed whispers. An unspoken concern that the two men would never be seen again. A demoralising message that nobody was safe, not even a young boy or the intimidating space commander.
That was until a rover was spotted approaching the outer colony gates by one of the Watchers stationed on the wall, driven by a young Pack member with a radio in hand.
“This could be a trap,” Mad-Eye barked. “Keep your eyes peeled for any signs of scouts. Have the boy escorted to the centre, we’ll meet ‘im here.”
It was several minutes before the inner gates were opened to reveal the slow-rolling vehicle, Kingsley himself perched on the back with a firearm ready to use at a moment's notice. The rover crawled to a stop and the armed Security Officer jumped down with a loud thud and marched towards the Lead Watcher.
“Just the boy in the automobile, sir. No weapons or any questionable activity. Says he has a message for the Counsellor.”
The rover door opened with a rusty creak and the Pack member in question slid out from the car, shifting uncomfortably in the gravel. His head was bowed and his posture was tense, shoulders curled inward. Remus was reminded how young the poor kid was.
“Are ya alri’, lad?”
Zep’s head snapped up at the direct question coming from his Lead Watcher. He looked a fucking mess, his hair limp, face coated in dirt and sweat. Dark circles and a haunted look in his eyes. It was hard to imagine the terror the Watcher had faced during his time spent in the Southerner’s grasp. But he was uninjured.
“Aye,” he croaked. A radio was held up with shaking hands and the boy averted his eyes. “I was sent to deliver a message.”
The radio was swiftly removed and placed into the hands of the observing Head Counsellor. Minerva accepted the offered device with a stiff nod. “Council hall meeting in ten minutes.” That was her only command before the stern woman disappeared off towards the hall, other leaders quickly spreading the word and following in her footsteps.
“We’ll be havin’ words, boy!” Mad-Eye called out towards the lad still awkwardly standing near the open rover door.
“I’ll speak with ‘im,” Remus quickly volunteered. The young pack member offered the only chance at relief for soothing the desperate need for answers itching and burning under his skin. The Lead Watcher gave an affirming grunt and lurched after Minerva, his attention already back on the radio in the Head Counsellor’s possession.
“Zep,” Remus urged gently. The boy winced and regarded him warily, likely already anticipating the interrogation. He needed to tread carefully, already seeing the lad’s frightened posture. Like a wild animal snared in a trap. “Where is Sirius?”
“He’s with the Southerners,” Zep mumbled.
“Was he– Did it seem like he was alri’? Not hurt or–?” A mortifying well of tears filled his eyes and Remus impatiently scrubbed them away, needing all his attention focused on the pup’s response.
Zep was watching him with a crestfallen expression. “He was banged up a lil, but I saw ‘im talkin’ with the Overseer. I’m so sorry, Remus.” The last part was a broken whisper, barely heard in the commotion of the quad.
“You got nothin’ to apologise for.” Remus clasped the lad on the shoulder and fixed him with a firm look. “We’re feckin’ grateful you managed to get out of there unharmed, eh? We’ll get Sirius back. There’s no point in ya takin’ all of the responsibility for this.”
The young Watcher frowned, his mouth open with a response, but his reply was cut off by a frantic cry from across the quad. They both turned and saw the rest of the Pack running across the gravel towards their missing friend, calling out his name with shouts of relief.
“Go on,” he encouraged gently. “They’ve been worried sick. We all have.”
Zep screwed his face up in anguish before he turned to leave and Remus watched the young pup approach his fellow Pack mates, a question on his lips. Tonks and Malcolm responded with tears at the inquiry regarding the missing member, and Zep broke down into his own sobs.
He’d always been the closest to Benjy.
Remus turned away from the heartbreaking scene and made to head off to join the meeting, but his plan was quickly denied by an outraged healer.
“Where in the ever loving feck do ya think you’re goin’?” Lily was standing directly in his path with her hands squarely on her hips. “You are supposed to be resting for Christ's sake! Not waltzing about the centre!”
Nothing was going to deny him entry to the council meeting. Not even an affronted redhead. He said as much and almost rolled his eyes when she sent him a furious scowl. “You need continued medical support,” she hissed and crossed her arms. “I dun think you realise how bad your injury is.”
“Right, then.” He swung his arm around her shoulders and steered them in the direction to the hall, pulling her along as she stumbled in shock at the sudden movement. “Guess you’re coming with me then, eh? If I pass out, ya can take care of me with your healer ways.”
“By now you’ll have noticed that the attack on your colony has paused. Please do not mistake this as a retreat. I’m pleased to say that an agreement has been made between myself and Commander Black. Per our arrangement, the Patronus will need to be delivered to the clearing in the southeast by midday. Further bloodshed will not be necessary, and I say that with a full heart, as I do not wish to bring any harm to those within your walls. ”
They all sat crammed in the meeting room in council hall. The colony leaders were present along with the executive crew from the Patronus, as well as the people who had been in charge of stationed teams across the barricade. The message from the Overseer was still ringing in their ears.
It was safe to say that Remus was extremely fucking confused.
“Per their arrangement?” He broke the silence in the room, the other people jolting at the sound of his voice. However his question spurred the meeting into action and various voices clambered to be heard.
“Sounds like the Commander went off to take care of the Overseer on his own.” It was suggested by the Lead Teacher. “He had no trouble doin’ that last time. Decided to take matters into his own hands.”
Remus had a snarky retort ready, his body tensed and ready to defend his partner, but he was beaten by a messy-haired and bespectacled celestial.
“He might have in the past,” James admitted with a sigh. “Bit reckless, our captain. But I don’t think he’d do something like that now. He has too much tying him here. Too much to fight for.”
“So he has been captured,” Kingsley solemnly declared.
“But why would he agree to hand over the ship? It dun make any sense at all, eh?”
“Unless he’s being threatened. Tortured.” Mad-Eye was blunt as usual, naming what the majority of them were thinking.
“No.” The acting captain waved a dismissive hand and adjusted his glasses. “You all aren’t familiar with his past, but Padfoot is unfortunately desensitized to torture. And he’d sooner die than betray his crew.” The other executive officials all nodded their heads in stern agreement, backing up the second in command in a show of solidarity.
“So are we expected to follow through with this demand?” Minerva questioned. “If you’re sure that Commander Black isn’t being threatened, then perhaps we honour his request.”
“No.”
The word was echoed by all the Patronus members present with various levels of intensity.
“Our captain wouldn’t want his ship to be handed over,” Dorcas gently explained. “He wouldn’t lose his ties to space so easily, how else would we leave once our research is complete?”
It was obvious then, that the majority of the Patronus crew were not caught up on information related to their beloved commander and his current status in the stars. Remus could have punched himself in the throat for the next sentence that he uttered, the words flying from his mouth without a filter. He blamed the blood loss.
“Sirius isn’t goin’ back to space. He’s stayin’ on Earth.”
There was a pressing silence across the room as his statement was absorbed and dissected, the colony leaders and Patronus crew equally stunned at the admission.
“What?” Caradoc let out a derisive snort and shook his head in disbelief. “Dun tell me that you and the spaceman were plannin’ on playin’ feckin’ house?”
“Mr. Dearborn, please get a hold of yourself,” the Head Counsellor chided. “But I’m afraid that news does lend itself to more explanation, Mr. Lupin.”
James and Marlene shared a look. “That may be true, that he’s planning to stay. He hadn’t mentioned it to me directly,” James admitted. His expression was carefully schooled to hide any reaction to the news, a perfectly blank mask.
“But why would he want to stay?” Fabian asked the question from a place of pure bewilderment.
“Because,” The second in command sighed and ran a hand through his already messy hair. “Sirius has been labelled as a deserter to the empire.”
“But how can you know that?”
“Peter, you need to trust us. We’ve had contact with a source in the government. The crash wasn’t accidental, someone was looking to get rid of the Black Heir. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you all sooner, but it needed to remain secret. Need to know basis. But he wouldn’t give up his ship like this, not without discussion from his crew.”
The celestials left out of the loop had distinctly different responses to the update. Dorcas appeared worried, either for their captain or the impact on her own future. Fabian was still baffled, Kingsley already sitting with acceptance and ready to move on to the next task. Peter was a sweating puddle of nerves, twitching anxiously in his chair.
“Right,” Mad-Eye barked. “Space politics aside, we still have a decision to make.”
“We still can’t give away our ship,” James replied shortly. “I’m acting captain, it’s my call to make.”
“No,” Dorcas agreed. “We won’t. Sirius wouldn't want that. He’d be counting on us to make that decision.”
“It sounds like the captain had his hands tied and made the only decision he could make under the circumstances. But what he’s done is provide us with the perfect opportunity to figure out the next steps, he’s offered us a respite in the battle.” Kingsley made an excellent point, his strategic mind already seeing the benefit the arrangement had provided.
“Well, time to do the job we’ve signed up for,” Marlene sighed with a barely concealed grin. “Help our captain out of a mess.”
Remus turned towards the Head Counsellor and his mentor, the pair having a private discussion amongst themselves. “Well?” he called out stiffly. “I reckon orders are that we bunker down and prepare for another fight?”
It was the earthly way, doing what was best for the survival of the group. But at the moment Remus would single-handedly fight every person in that room if it meant he had a chance at rescuing his star. But his preparations for violence were unnecessary at the unexpected response from his mentor.
“No,” Mad-Eye gruffly replied. “Black once said that the people under his protection are never left to fend for themselves.” The Senior Watcher smiled a grave grin and sat up to his full height in his chair, bracing them all for his announcement. “We march to war.”
The room accepted the declaration with grim satisfaction, every person eager to take control and take a stand for what they believed in. No more sitting on the defensive.
“I think you lot are goin’ about this all wrong.”
All heads swivelled towards the tiny healer who had spoken up from her corner in the room, out of place in the crowd of soldiers and officials. Her face flamed red at the attention, but Lily Evans was not one to back down and she set her jaw and raised her chin. “You’re forgetting why the Southerners are doing this.”
“Because they’re fucking mad,” Remus snarled.
“No,” Lily snapped back. “Because they’re sick .” She fixed the room with a determined stare. “And we have a bargaining chip. A cure.”
Notes:
Whew. We did it.
This story is coming to a close! Two more chapters (long ones) and an epilogue!
The epilogue is already finished, the other chapters have decent drafts.
Comments and kudos always appreciated! Thank you all for joining me on this journey!
(Shout out to my beta's husband. I'm complete shite at maths, he provided a great service in his Probability Theory efforts.)
Chapter 27: We Are the Champions Part I
Summary:
The final reckoning.
Notes:
I'm gonna preface this by saying that Chapter 27 ended up being 12k+ words, sooo...I split it into two parts. (If this means the fic will have a nice even number of 30 chapters on AO3, I'm certainly not going to complain.)
Both will be in Sirius' POV!Enjoy and expect the next update in a couple of days. <3
TW: Part 1 contains more descriptions of violence and death, use of weapons.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
I've paid my dues
Time after time
I've done my sentence
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of sand
Kicked in my face
But I've come through
-Queen "We Are the Champions" 1977
Part 1
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Location: Southern Colony Camp
One might assume that Commander Black had rolled over and submitted, that him giving in to the Overseer’s demands was a symbol of defeat. Sirius wanted to make it perfectly clear that those who assumed that were, frankly, brainless arseholes.
His entire existence had revolved around a complex and strategic game, himself a piece moving across a board composed of fragile politics and easily bruised egos. The barmy old man might have had the current upper hand, but Sirius knew that focusing on the present move was amateur at best. What truly mattered was the endgame.
And, darling, he already knew what the final move was going to be.
It didn’t matter when it happened or the process it took to get there. The end result was inevitable. Just as soon as he received a sign that Remus was safe, the dagger that was covertly strapped to his forearm would be swiftly buried within the Overseer’s throat before any further poison could spout from his decaying mouth.
Zep had been sent away with a message voicing the agreement after Sirius had spouted off some nonsense about the Patronus requiring significant time to be packed and prepared for delivery. He had to place faith in his crew that the arrangement with the Overseer would be viewed for what it was. Sirius simply needed to stall, allow the colony the necessary time to regroup and possibly stage a rescue for his partner who may or may not be facing horrific torture.
Simple.
Initially armed scouts were ordered to watch over him but they quickly became bored at the perceived lack of danger from the Commander as he yawned and pretended to doze in the shade, small and unassuming. Eventually his guards drifted away, off to help around the camp, no longer interested in the harmless celestial. A man who had killed one of their own a few hours earlier with nothing but his thighs.
The sun was almost directly overhead and shining through the tree coverage steadily creeping across the sky, the time for action nearing with each passing breath as the Overseer became more restless with cerulean eyes locked on the horizon. Sirius might have appeared relaxed and indifferent, lounging in the grass underneath a moth-eaten canopy that smelled of musty old earth, but he observed the camp with rapt attention. He easily noted the devout from the sheep, those who would die for the Overseer without any hesitation versus the people who were following along doing the only thing they thought was right. There was a small group of around thirty men who appeared to be the inner circle, carrying out orders without question and reassuring that the rest stayed in line.
They just needed to find something to reinforce the fracture that already existed, wedge the southerners further apart and away from their leader’s commanding hand.
And finally, the time for waiting was over. Scouts on the perimeter of the clearing released cries of alarm and pointed to the sky, a hushed silence following as the southerners halted mid-task, dropping their jaws as the air filled with a pulsing static. The Overseer slowly rose up on shaking legs, his entire skeletal frame trembling with anticipation. Sirius narrowed in on the approaching craft and felt his lips curving in a grin.
It wasn’t the Patronus.
Of course it wasn’t. Instead one of their shuttles slowly approached over the treeline, flashing chrome as it descended toward the ground with a cloud of steam and pressurised air. Southerners made a mad scramble for their weapons and waited with bated breath as the vessel landed in the centre of the clearing, wary of the unfamiliar celestial shuttle and the possible danger lurking behind its doors as they slid open with a gentle whoosh.
Minerva McGonagall led the way, her face a little green from her trip in the sky, but appearing strong and determined as she strode from the craft and stood tall across from the Overseer. Kingsley trailed a step behind, a protective shadow with a full arsenal on his person cocked and ready for use.
“Albus,” she greeted stiffly, pausing in the grass several yards away.
“Minerva, I must admit this is quite the disappointment. I was expecting the Patronus based on my discussion with Commander Black. Perhaps my message was unclear?”
“Unfortunately the Commander was considered unfit to make any decisions.” James Potter hopped down from the shuttle and swiftly joined the Head Counsellor's side with an apologetic grimace. “I’m afraid the arrangement doesn’t stand.” The celestial’s head swivelled in his direction, spying Sirius’ lounge in the shade, and his lips stretched in a grin. “Glad to see you’re alright, Captain.”
He offered a polite nod back towards his second in command, carefully examining the way James held himself, the slight shift in his posture suggesting a hidden dagger or firearm on his left ankle, the careful positioning of his armour concealing a pistol on his right hip. They had come prepared. And Sirius was ready.
The Overseer sneered with barely restrained malice. “How kind of you to deliver the news in person. To tell my people that their destiny will continue to be denied and forced to live a cursed existence.”
“No.” Minerva stalked a few steps forward, her eyes flashing in anger. “You’ve failed your own people with your deluded beliefs. My colony is healthy.” She directed her attention now to the group of southerners witnessing the exchange with growing tension, malnourished faces cautious and confused. “I wish to extend help–”
“We refuse.”
“Then,” the Head Counsellor continued gravely. “We are also prepared to fight.”
It was a declaration. One that was followed by a low rumble that shook the earth as the trees on the edge of the clearly jostled with movement, revealing a mix of celestial and colony vehicles rolling into view, a fledge of automatons flanking the rovers packed full with members armed for battle. There was no doubt behind their intention, no question as to what they were.
An army.
The southerners had jolted into action at the sight of the approaching threat, weapons drawn and bodies braced for impact, the scouts of the inner circle surrounded their Seer, protecting their prophet from harm. Their attention now solely focused on the other side of the clearing as they waited for instruction. Commander Black left forgotten behind them amidst the chaos.
Sirius slowly rose to his feet, eyes trained on the approaching army as the vehicles fanned out to form an intimidating wall united behind the Head Counsellor. Strong and healthy with their complexions flushed with eager anticipation, clashing harshly against the weak and gruesome appearances of the ill southerners in the midday light. He searched in desperation through the sea of familiar faces, the shades of grey from celestial crew uniforms intermixed among the weathered clothing of colony members. He skirted over Marlene’s plaited blonde hair, a glimpse of Mad Eye’s scarred skin, a flash of Caradoc’s chestnut curls, until…
There.
Silver eyes connected with amber across the clearing.
The rush of relief was staggering, beyond words, and sent straight into his very soul. And that was enough, the only reassurance he needed. In one second the energy dagger was unsheathed and held in his waiting hand. A blink and he was behind the Overseer. Blade against flesh.
Checkmate.
Sounds were distorted, everything fading away to a dull muffle and moving in slow motion. The distant cries of alarm, faltering scouts desperate to help their leader yet immobilised by the threat at his throat. But Sirius was focused only on the blood roaring in his ears and the weapon in his hand. He was born and bred for violence, forged as a machine that could take a life as automatically as breathing.
The Overseer’s shoulder was brittle underneath his hand and he heard the rattling wheeze of lungs, the struggling breaths that smelled of rot falling from blistered lips. The leader was nothing but a weak old man with the complex of a god. It would be so easy for his blade to sink into fragile skin.
But Sirius found himself standing at a crossroads.
It was a kindness to slit the Overseer’s throat. To allow him to bleed out into the earth, preventing the old man from prolonged suffering with an illness past saving. Or the brief life in space where he would undoubtedly waste away, eventually deprived of oxygen as the ship malfunctioned or ran out of fuel. But the southerners wouldn’t see the killing as merciful. Instead, they would rise for a final fight to avenge their fallen leader, undoubtedly causing more destruction and bloodshed to the colony he had grown to consider home.
“Minnie, I believe you had an offer?” Sirius called out calmly. “He’s listening now.”
His voice broke through the mayhem, the clearing falling under a deadly silence, bodies trembling with anticipated action. All eyes now firmly locked on the dagger that Commander Black held with expert precision.
“I reckon he is,” the Head Counsellor agreed without any hesitation. She collected herself with a deep breath. “Let’s try this again. You all are sick. We cannae deny that. However, a life in space isn’t necessary for you to heal. Commander Black and his crew have a cure that they have agreed to provide to every one of you. The only consideration is that you will have to find a new home, away from the poison that grows in your colony walls. My people will help you move and build a new life elsewhere.”
“You never were a believer, Minerva.” The Overseer’s voice was hoarse but strong, even now that he stood at Death’s Door. “Always a cynic.”
“I believe in the life my people have built here. One that your people could benefit from learning.”
“Adversus sidera noli loqui. ”
It was a surprise hearing the old celestial language, once spoken by Merlin, spouted from the mouth of the ancient man. But Sirius leaned in close and offered his own prayer in return, snarled harsh and unforgivingly against the Overseer’s ear. “Qui totum vult totum perdit. You’d rather die than accept help for your colony?”
“A false promise. No help will be found on Earth.”
“What about a shuttle?” James spoke up, watching their exchange with a grave expression. “If he’s so desperate to leave?” He met Sirius’ eyes, seeking approval from his captain, which he granted with a single nod. “It only has room for ten peop–”
“I accept.”
A hushed murmur began to grow throughout the crowd, building in intensity as the Overseer’s words sank in. How quickly their saviour pivoted to accept an offer that benefited the few over the many. So swift to abandon the people who fought and died for his cause.
“I accept the shuttle,” he repeated. “If Commander Black removes his blade I will leave now and never return.”
The ancient man’s selfishness was blatant and no longer hidden behind carefully crafted words, too overcome by manic greed. Quick to desert his people for a grasp at a fantasy life in the stars. Sirius’ anger surged and his hand on the dagger stiffened. A millimetre of movement that pressed lightly against the Overseer’s aged skin, pearls of blood beading on the surface.
“You’ll wish you had died by my hand.”
It wasn’t a threat. Simply naming the chosen Fate that only promised agony.
And then he lowered the blade.
Two things happened simultaneously when Sirius relinquished his hold on the man. The frail figure fell to his knees, weak and no longer supported by the Commander's unrelenting grip. And a scout released a mournful cry and started a mad dash toward the shuttle-desperate to get inside for a shot at a better future- only to fall to the ground a few metres away from his destination with an axe lodged firmly in his back, crimson bubbling from his lips. A weapon thrown from one of his brothers in arms.
In the end, the wedge between the southerners had emerged on its own, driven by the Overseer’s heartless abandonment. The final spark to kindling that burst into pure pandemonium. The Overseer’s inner circle had turned on one another in a frantic flash of violence, quickly realising that more than half of them would be stranded and roaring for a seat that promised salvation in the stars.
Sirius was immediately swallowed up in the crossfire.
He was aggressively knocked to the grass by two southerners locked in a fight to the death, and their bodies landed heavily on top of Sirius as the beaky-nosed scout wrapped his hands around the other man’s throat. Sirius lashed out with his dagger, slicing an exposed Achilles tendon, and freed himself from the pile as the injured man wailed in agony. His suffering was short-lived. The scout wrenched the crude knife out of his fallen mate’s neck and turned toward the celestial captain, eyes glittering with manic fever. Sirius tensed, ready to defend himself.
“Severus…Severus, please.”
The scout tore his gaze away and glanced toward his Seer, the old man still in a crumpled heap and reaching out with a shrivelled hand in a desperate plea. Sirius was spared a final look before the scout was quickly at his leader’s side, supporting the weight of his tall but emaciated frame. Dragging him toward the shuttle, away from the growing violence emerging from their own people.
Sirius scrambled to his feet and pushed through the frantic crowd, blindly following the tether guiding him in his chest as gunshots rang out from unidentifiable sources. “Remus!”
His cry was swallowed up and carried away, unheard in the madness. People were fleeing the clearing, a disorienting mass of moving bodies drowning under the deafening shouts. The colony leaders were frantically attempting to herd the sheep left without a shepherd, yelling for order, as their Overseer was ushered up the shuttle steps by the dark-haired scout.
“Sirius?”
He released a grateful groan at the sight of the Watcher standing tall on top of the hood of his rover frantically searching the crowd with a pistol held at his side. The distance between them closed as Sirius flew across the grass, and he caught the moment Remus noticed him, the anguish on his face falling away into pure relief as he jumped down to the ground.
“Oh thank fucking Christ—“
They crashed together, two pieces finally reunited and made whole. The only thing that mattered in that moment was their own minuscule world, a safe haven found in one another’s arms.
“You’re never leaving my bloody sight again,” Sirius gasped, clutching his partner tightly and relishing in the solid presence of his body against his, real and alive. “I’m latching onto you like a parasite.” However, he was quickly distracted by Remus’ low grunt of pain and narrowed in on his limp and bandaged arm. “You’re hurt!”
“I’m fine. But you? What were you thinking, pulling a stunt like that? You coulda been killed, you absolute madman!” Remus was clinging to him just as tightly, like the Watcher was terrified the universe would snatch him away.
“I had it perfectly under control.” Sirius dismissed and pulled back slightly to scrutinise his injury with a worried frown. “What happened?”
“Got whacked by a spear. You call being held feckin’ captive ‘under control’?”
“I did what I had to.” Sirius sighed heavily and pressed their foreheads together. “I couldn’t risk losing you, Remus. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
It was terrifying. Because he knew, without a doubt, that Remus Lupin could make the same ridiculous declaration and mean it with every fibre of his being. He could hear it underlying his exasperated huff, see it clearly in the way Remus’ tear-filled eyes softened, and feel it in the gentle hand that cupped his cheek.
“You’re an idiot.”
“I mean it. Anything for you.”
“I know.” Remus knew. Just as Sirius knew his partner in return. “That’s why you’re an idiot.”
“Padfoot!”
Sirius tore his gaze away from Remus with considerable effort. It was disorienting being ripped away and thrust back into reality by the single voice rising above the onslaught to his senses. It appeared that the colony had managed to regain some semblance of control, finally successful in funnelling the southerners away from the disorder and bloodshed rippling through the clearing. James steadily made his way toward the pair, weaving through the crowd with determination.
“Alright, Prongs?”
“Cheers, cap. We’re supposed to guide the southerners to a temporary camp location and hand out the cure. For those who want it, anyway.”
“We can take my rover,” Remus offered with a bitter smile. “But I cannae drive…need two hands to steer and shift, eh?”
The trio’s attention was quickly claimed by the sound of engines roaring to life. Sirius witnessed his shuttle gleaming in the centre amidst the brutality, surrounded by the fresh graveyard in the grass. Scouts had quickly died out as the remaining inner circle dwindled down, taking the violence with them. Those left standing were lingering over the corpses they had sacrificed as a final offering for their ticket to the stars.
“Will they die?”
“Yes.” Sirius acknowledged his partner with a response devoid of all emotion. The victorious disciples were Dead Men Walking and he watched as they climbed up the steps, joining their Seer in the tomb disguised as a space shuttle. “Not for some time but they will die.”
“Roughly 157 hours until they run out of oxygen if their average resting heart rates are around 100 beats per minute.”
“Feckin’ Christ.”
“Yeah. Come on, mate.” James spun them around, away from the sight of the shuttle disappearing into the atmosphere, and offered a solid clap on their backs. “Show me how to drive this rover of yours.”
Remus guided James through the process of driving the Earthly vehicle and after some simple instruction and a little trial and error, his best mate picked it up ridiculously quickly. There was some jostling as they loaded into the rover, as Sirius refused to sit more than a few centimetres from his partner, but eventually they took off down a rocky road with other colony vehicles leading the way, Sirius nestled in the backseat and tightly pressed against Remus’ side.
They were quiet for some time.
The aftershocks of war were still ringing in their bones, after all. Sirius sighed a breath that carried all the exhaustion from the past 24 hours and buried his face against his partner’s shoulder. He smelled of sweat, blood, and the lingering scent of healing tonic. All the grime that accompanied the battle. But underneath it all was a familiar smoke and earth that symbolised home.
“What happened, cariad?” Sirius felt the gentle press of lips against his head, the soft brush of his partner’s question against his skin.
“I was on the wall with Benjy when the fight started. He was the first casualty, we never saw the spear coming…” Sirius hesitated. “I thought Zep came back to the colony?”
“Aye. But he just gave the message and told me you were alri’. He’s feckin’ broken up ‘bout Benjy. Poor lad…” Remus’ voice was filled with gut-wrenching sorrow at the loss, not a trace of anger that Sirius expected at the Pack member’s betrayal.
He couldn’t blame Zep for failing to take accountability for his actions as a spy. A young boy who had lost so much within a short period of time. A best friend and a brother who willingly chose death in space over the family he had on Earth. Losing the rest of his colony would be too much, something that would be sure to happen if his betrayal was announced. Something Sirius couldn’t find within himself to do.
“There was a blast and I got knocked out. Woke up in the clearing. Killed one of their scouts before they realised what a danger I was.”
“Of course ya did.” Remus released a sad laugh. “We figured you’d been captured and had to agree to whatever their terms were.”
“The Overseer said your team was overpowered and that he had you captive. I couldn’t risk it, not until I bought some time and knew you were safe.” His partner gave a grunt, insulted at the assumption that his team had lost the battle. “Excellent idea on offering to heal them, as well as the shuttle,” Sirius added.
“Lily was absolutely brilliant, ” James interjected from the driver’s seat. “The idea to offer the cure was all her.”
“Our minds were a little clouded, eh?” Remus agreed with a sheepish grin. “Even Mad Eye gave the command to march to war.”
Sirius let out an astonished gasp. “No.”
“Mhm. Reckon he’s grown to respect a certain celestial.”
His relationship with the Lead Watcher had been tumultuous over the many weeks spent on his origin planet. It felt reassuring to hear the impact he’d had on the old man, further evidence that Sirius had found a place for himself on Earth and within the colony. A place filled with people he had grown to consider his own.
They guided their trailing southerners to an open pasture land outside of the colony barricades and instructed them to wait as various personnel ran a rely back to the Patronus to gather the necessary medical supplies. It was overwhelming, the amount of new bodies that needed care and tending to, but the colony and Patronus crew easily stepped up to make it happen. James parked the rover in the middle of the activity and the three boys jumped out, ready to lend a hand.
Yet their attempts at offering support were thwarted when a fiery redhead stalked towards them with an impressive scowl and her hands on her hips.
“Absolutely not,” Lily snapped and jabbed a pointed finger in Sirius’ direction. “You were just involved in a battle overnight and a feckin’ prisoner. Go rest. And you!” She directed her attention to the tall Watcher who was unsuccessfully trying to hide behind his shorter partner. “You’re feckin’ injured, for the love of Christ! And haven’t listened to a single word I said. No. Helping.”
“What about me?” James chimed in happily.
The healer fixed the celestial with a stern glare and pursed her lips. “You can go make sure these idiots do what they’re told,” Lily finally relented with a sigh. James provided her with a salute and adamant promise that he’d do his very best to take care of the two boys and herded them back toward the rover despite their cries of outrage.
“You heard the woman,” James scolded. “And I’m not going against her. Much too scary. Now,” he drummed his hands on the rover wheel and raised his eyebrows. “Where am I taking you?”
“The Patronus,” Sirius quickly cut in. “I want the medical bay to look at Remus’ injury.” He ignored his stubborn partner’s protests and continued on with a wistful sigh. “And I honestly wouldn’t mind sleeping in my bed. There’s room for two,” he added with a grin directed toward the huffing Watcher.
“Fine,” Remus snapped. “But the healers already looked at my arm.”
“That was in the middle of a war, mate. I’m sure we can get it fixed up. There’s always a full regenerative healing,” James said thoughtfully. He put the rover in gear and set off on the quick drive to the celestial ship, unaware of the conflicting emotions rolling through Sirius in the backseat.
They arrived at the Patronus and the three made the walk through the winding corridors to the medical bay. James was chattering on about his time in the Watch Tower but Sirius only had eyes for his partner and the increasing tension growing in his body. They stopped outside the med bay doors, the Watcher hesitating before going inside. James picked up on the need for the pair to have a moment alone and wandered down the hall whistling a jaunty tune.
Sirius stepped in and brought his partner into a tight hold, burrowing his face against his neck. “You alright, my moon?”
“What does that mean?” Remus whispered against his ear, a private question only meant for Sirius. “Full regenerative healin’?”
“It’ll return your body back to its original state,” Sirius explained gently. “Depending on the injury it can take hours or days.”
“My original state?”
“All your cells will regrow. Without any injury. Fresh as a babe,” he joked quietly.
“It’ll make me look like you lot? All flawless, like? I won’t…all my scars will be gone?” Sirius nodded and Remus reached out to brush a hand across the scar on his forehead, the one acquired from his plummet to Earth so many days ago. “Why haven’t you used it, then?”
“Because–” Sirius faltered, wanting to tread carefully, needing his partner to make his own decision regarding his health. “Because my original state never knew Earth. Or you.” Remus softened at the confession and guided Sirius' chin up to meet his lips in a tender kiss. “But I want you to make your own choices,” Sirius argued, pulling back from the embrace with a stern look. “Listen to the doctor and decide whatever makes sense for you.”
“Alri,” Remus agreed. He trailed his fingers across the bridge of Sirius' nose, lingering on the freckles that had emerged from his time under the sun. “I’ll join ya in bed once I’m finished.” He planted a firm kiss on his forehead and strolled through the automatic medical bay doors, all signs of anxiety gone.
The doors closed shut and Sirius found himself already missing the sight of sun-worn skin and a crooked grin. The scars he had worshipped with his reverent touch. He wanted Remus to be healthy. That was the main consideration, the priority above all else.
“I’m supposed to make sure you get in bed, Captain.”
He rolled his eyes and joined his second in command, the pair falling in side by side as they journeyed up to the ship's top floor. James was suspiciously silent without any of his typical mindless chatter. He snuck a glance, studying his companion with growing confusion. “You alright, Prongs?”
James shrugged. “Remus let slip some interesting news. When we all met with the message from the Overseer. Guess I've been thinking about it.”
“Oh?”
“He might have mentioned that you were planning to stay on Earth.”
Sirius stumbled, literally and metaphorically, tripping over his feet and tongue in surprise. “Erm. Well, I wanted to talk with you about that, actually.”
But James was already waving any further discussion way with an easy flap of his hand. “No explanation necessary.” Hazel eyes peeked at Sirius from behind thick-rimmed glasses before focusing back on their path. “I understand, mate. We can stay.”
“We?”
James scoffed. “Thought we’ve been over this. Wherever you go, I go, Padfoot. Besides,” he grinned, something wistful and calm. “I rather like it here.”
Sirius ignored the lump in his throat at the display of loyalty and focused on the logistics. “We’ll have to tell the crew soon. Drop the people off at a nearby space station who want to leave and join another ship.” James hummed and nodded in agreement. “But we’re keeping the Patronus,” Sirius added with a sniff. “I don’t give a blasted tit what the empire says.”
“She’s your ship, Captain. Always will be. Lots of Earth left to explore, after all.”
James Potter was a gift sent straight from the heavens.
“We’ll tell the executive crew first. Let them know about the decision and–” he hesitated. “I want to tell them about my relationship with Remus. I’d like them to know. At least Marlene to begin with? It’s not something I want to hide.”
“I think that’s a brilliant idea, Pads.” They paused outside his captain’s chambers and James offered up a beaming smile. “I’m so bloody happy for you. Truly.”
At this point, he was past caring about propriety or blasted expectations and surged forward to engulf his best mate and brother in a fierce hug. Sirius wrapped his arms around his torso and squeezed tightly, silently expressing all the love and appreciation he felt for the man who had stood by his side for years without question. James had stiffened considerably at the initial gesture but gradually relaxed into the touch with a sigh, hesitantly bringing his own arms up around Sirius’ back. Warm and secure.
They held each other for a moment, lost in Earthly Delights.
“Right,” James finally spoke up, clearing his throat when the words came out rather thick, and pulled back from the embrace. “Go to sleep, you wanker. I’ll bring your Watcher to your room when he’s finished.”
“Thank you, James.”
“Anything for my brother.”
Notes:
Latin translation:
“Adversus sidera noli loqui." Do not speak against the stars.
“Qui totum vult totum perdit." He who wants everything loses everything.
Oh boy. I don't even know what to say? I was battling with the idea of how to finish the conflict between the Southerners and I feel like it's so significant that Sirius didn't end up killing Dumbs. Like, he's a killing machine, yet he recognized that doing so would only lead to more harm to the colony and his people.
Also, Sirius not sharing that Zep betrayed him??
AND HE HUGGED JAMES?Gah. Part two will be posted by Tuesday this week! Expect some delicious domestic fluff and time on the Lupin Farm.
Thank you all <3
Chapter 28: We Are the Champion Part II
Summary:
!!!!
Notes:
**This is part 2 of chapter 27!**
Did I say I'd have this posted by Tuesday? I obviously meant Wednesday. *coughs*
ANYWAY. Fucking hell, y'all. How chapter 27 ended up being 14k I'll never know. I hope you enjoy! Part two contains literally anything you could ask for. We got fluff, we got domestic wholesome moments, we got witty banter, we got smut. You name it, we got it.
TW: Homophobia, explicit content (though again it's in Sirius POV so it's disgustingly sweet)
Explicit content starts at "Sirius already knew that Remus’ promises were something written in the stars" and ends at "He was known. Every single layer of himself,"
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Part 2
Sirius collapsed on his monstrosity of a bed, sank into the memory foam mattress with a sinful groan, and passed out for a solid ten hours of delicious deep and dreamless sleep. He had an incredibly faint recollection of a warm body slipping in beside him and the secure sense of strong arms holding him tightly, but otherwise the captain was lost to the world.
Soft voices eventually roused him from his hibernation and Sirius peeled open eyes thick with sleep, his entire body heavy, mind thoroughly foggy and disoriented.
Bugger, his mouth was dry. He released a low groan and attempted to roll over, only to crash into a very solid presence nestled among the down pillows. “Mmph.” The conversation paused for a moment at his flailing about and a loud snort issued from somewhere across the room. “Wha–?”
“We were worried you fell into a coma, Pads.”
“What year is it?” he croaked out weakly. Sirius both felt and heard the low rumble of amusement beside him, the solid presence finally identifiable as a person, and he squinted up at a familiar crooked grin. “Oh.”
Remus was peering down at him fondly, a teasing glint to his eyes, tawny curls mussed from his own rest. Freckled skin and scars on full display. “Good sleep, cariad?”
Sirius silently stared back with wide eyes.
“Have ya forgotten who I am?”
“No,” he whispered and reached a hand up to trace the scar over Remus’ nose, the one on the corner of his mouth. Scars he was certain he’d never see again. He leaned up to capture his lips in a gentle kiss, humming happily when it was briefly returned.
“Oi! Now I’m feeling left out.”
Sirius reared back in shock and sat up to send a furious scowl across the room. James was lounging at his desk and spinning absently in the chair, watching the pair in bed with a dramatic pout.
“What in Merlin’s saggy prick are you doing here?” Sirius snapped. The spinning was instantly halted as James slammed his feet to the ground with a loud scoff. “You said you’d bring him to my room, not peep over us in bed together!”
James flushed with embarrassment and Remus fell back on the mattress choking with laughter. “I wasn’t peeping! I came to check on you, you absolute prick! Because I care. It’s not my fault I found poor Remus awake and slowly growing insane listening to your snores. I stayed to keep the poor bloke company!”
“There’s plenty of me to go around, lads,” Remus piped up with a smirk. Both celestials turned on him with varying expressions of horror and annoyance.
“I’m going to scrub that mental image from my mind,” Sirius threatened. James trilled in adamant agreement and he turned on his best mate with a glare. “Why are you agreeing? You’d be lucky to have a bloke like Remus!”
“Someone woke up in a mood, Merlin’s sake,” James groaned. “Don’t you want to know how your darling Remus is doing after his celestial healing experience?”
He sent another withering glare toward his second in command before fixating back on the Watcher who was wheezing with amusement. “How was your celestial healing experience, darling?”
“Grand,” he relented with a grin. “I’m part robot now, eh?”
“What?”
“He’s the proud new owner of an ExoSkel!” James almost toppled out of his seat, bouncing happily in excitement.
“That doesn’t make you a robot,” Sirius huffed and leaned forward to study the arm that Remus presented dramatically across the bedspread. The limb was encased in a black exostabiliser, a polycarbonate webbing structure that supported mobility and strength. Over time the device would adapt to his body’s organic movements and become accustomed to the Watcher’s muscles and nerves.
It was brilliant.
Sirius was secretly pleased his partner hadn’t followed through with the regenerative healing, though of course he’d keep his opinion to himself, thank you very much. There was something special about seeing his partner, with his Earthly scars and clothes, having the addition of a feature so clearly celestial. A sign of their lives merging together, like the scar across Sirius’ forehead and the faint freckles blooming across his pale skin.
“Looks good,” he settled on, sending his partner a soft smile. “Feels alright?”
“Aye. Still sore and stiff but they said it’d take time to get used to it. Almost punched myself in the face tryin’ to pull the blankets up.”
Sirius released a sharp bark of laughter, delighted when Remus offered one of his signature huffs in return. His heart swelled and he eagerly leaned in, needing lips against his, feeling terribly light and in love. Yet for the second time that day they were interrupted by a bespectacled celestial clearing his throat.
“I’m honestly not trying to peep, but–”
“Would you bugger off, Prongs?!”
“ –But,” James continued, speaking louder over his best mate’s demands. “It seems like you’ve forgotten that you’re the captain. The crew and I are just waiting on orders.”
Sirius groaned and thunked his forehead against Remus’ shoulder. Right. “What’s the situation with the southerners?”
“They’ve been medicated and are hunkering down in a temporary camp to the west. Not much the Patronus can do for them now.” James hesitated and sent Remus an apologetic grimace. “I mentioned yesterday that the lead officers heard about your possible plan to stay on Earth, but we’ve kept that from the rest of the crew for now. Figured you’d want to break the news yourself.”
He groaned again. What he wouldn’t do to fall back asleep with his furnace of a partner by his side. “I suppose I’ll have to speak with them, then, after I meet with the executives. Tell the crew to carry on with the research project for now, keep them busy. You can also offer any extra hands to Minnie and Mad Eye if they need the support.”
James nodded in agreement and Sirius blinked up at Remus with pleading eyes. “I wanted to tell Marlene about us,” he began cautiously. However caution was not needed, for the Watcher flashed a large toothy grin.
“Feckin’ fantastic. We should probably tell my parents too, eh? Before they hear it from the gossip mill.” He furrowed his brow and directed his next comment toward the peeping James. “And we promised we do somethin’ with you and Lils. Why dun we go to the farm for dinner and drop the news in one go?”
Sirius gasped and patted his partner’s cheek. “You brilliant specimen. Yes, let’s do that. But first I’m in desperate need of a shower.”
“Absolutely disgusting, you are,” James chimed in with a smirk. “I'll gather the exec crew for a meeting in an hour. Give you some time to pretty yourself up.” Sirius politely ignored the insult and got out of bed with an elegant roll.
“Reckon I can join ya?”
He blinked in surprise at Remus’ curious smile and tilted his head. “In the shower?” The Watcher hummed and nodded, the smile on his face growing the more confused Sirius became. “Is–is that something partners do?”
“Aye.” Remus rose to his full height and reached out to brush the hair off Sirius' forehead with a thoughtful expression. “If that’s alri with ya?”
“Y–yes. Yeah.”
“Annnd that’s my cue to leave.” James clapped his hands against his thighs and stood up with a grunt. “I’m going to pretend the last couple of minutes haven’t happened and see you both later.”
Remus let out a snort and watched his retreating figure with a fond look. “Reckon he deserved that, the trauma of it all.”
Sirius laughed and reached out a hand, beckoning his partner toward him as he walked backwards to his en suite. “Come on, darling. Let me show you the wonders of fabulous water pressure and heated tiles.”
Remus had been thoroughly impressed with celestial facilities, to say the least. He’d released a rapid stream of curses the moment his bare feet touched the warm floors and continued with the colourful language under the steaming water, swearing that he planned to stay forever and would have to be forcefully removed. And Sirius learned the pleasure of a new kind of intimacy, in having caring hands massaging soap throughout his hair and over his skin, gently washing the suds away with a loving touch. A simple but precious moment worth remembering.
He eventually managed to pry the tall man away, only after promising that future showers would occur, and the pair changed into a fresh assortment of clothes. Remus reclaimed one of his many stolen jumpers and left with a kiss, off to the Lupin Farm to rightfully prepare his parents for three incoming celestials.
James had done his duty and the executive crew were patiently waiting for the captain, unaware of the nerves swarming in his stomach. But the anxiety was unnecessary, each member of his team listened attentively to his need to stay on Earth without any resistance. Sirius encouraged each of them to take some time to think about their own choice and that there would be no hard feelings for those who wished to return to space and join another crew. They finished up the meeting with directions to continue supporting the research team, and the officers left to carry out orders while internally pondering their near future.
“Marls? Would you stay for a moment?”
The Chief Engineer halted in the doorway in surprise but nodded, offering a cheery goodbye to the Chief Stewardess, before rejoining her captain with a curious grin. “ ‘sup, Cap?”
And cue the returning anxiety. “I’m off to the Lupin Farm for dinner with Remus. James and Lily are joining as well, and I’d love it if you came along.” She blinked in surprise but nodded eagerly.
“Of course! Sounds bloody brilliant. Though, do you think Dorcas could come as well? I know she’s been wanting to experience more of Earth and I think she’d really enjoy seeing the dinner culture.”
“Oh.” Sirius frowned, feeling slightly torn. He’d initially wanted to share the news of his and Remus’ relationship with Marlene due to their close friendship, but he figured the rest of the executive crew would need to find out eventually. “Sure. I’ll give Remus a radio call to confirm, but it should be alright.”
The blonde celestial brightened considerably. “I’ll go get ready then! I’ll let Dorcas know to possibly expect a trip!” She bounded off to her living chambers with a skip in her step and Sirius couldn’t help but laugh at the soft display from a typically sarcastic and tough woman.
The Lupins were, of course, fine with another person joining the party. Remus and Lily were already at the cabin, helping Hope set up for the impromptu dinner, and the four celestials trekked down to the hangar to snag a PTV for the short trip over to the nearby farm.
Sirius wandered over to the driver's seat and reached out to open the door, only to freeze when another hand reached the handle at the same time. He looked up and narrowed his eyes. Hazel eyes narrowed back in warning.
It was war.
Sirius and James threw themselves into an impressive tussle. Fists flying, muffled swears and creative punches, only to end with Sirius trapped in a headlock pressed tightly against the PTV with a triumphant James crooning in his ear. He scowled and stalked over to the passenger side and slid into the seat with a well-deserved pout. Blasted tall, broad bastard.
He calmed himself somewhat on the drive, reassured with the knowledge that he could absolutely incapacitate James when needed. He just hadn’t wanted to hurt the bloke.
The Lupin Farm rolled into view and Sirius jumped out of the vehicle with a haughty sniff and stomped away, leading the celestials around the back of the cabin to the garden. Lily and Remus were already there helping to set a large table with mismatched silverware in the shade of a tree.
“What’s got you in a huff?” Remus called out with a grin, noticing their arrival and wandering over to greet them at the gate.
“I’m not in a huff.”
“James wouldn’t let him drive here,” Marlene interrupted with a smirk. “Said he’s likely gone rusty.”
“I’m your captain! I’m in charge of an entire ship. I can manage a blasted drive in a PTV.”
“You do realise the last time you flew a shuttle you crashed to Earth, right?” James chirped.
“There was a bloody blocker, for Merlin’s sake! Besides,” he sniffed. “As far as crashes go, I did an excellent job.” His best mate scoffed and the girls snickered, so Sirius was forced to defend himself. “It’s true! I happened to live, didn’t I?”
“The shuttle was surprisingly intact,” Remus interjected with a sigh. Sirius preened at the sign of solidarity and sent James a smug look.
“It doesn’t count if Remus backs you up! He’ll always agree with you!”
“ –No, I won’t–”
“ –No, he won’t–”
The entire group burst into laughter at their synchronised response and entered the backyard, following the Watcher deeper into the garden. His mates were eyeballing the farm with eager eyes, gaping at the cabin and farm animals on the edge of the property.
“Sirius, dear!”
Hope emerged from the backdoor and set a platter of steaming vegetables on the table before she pulled him into a warm hug in greeting. He relaxed into the tight squeeze and she pulled back to study his entourage with a welcoming smile.
“And these must be your close friends Remus was telling me about?” He hurried through the necessary introductions, James enthusiastic as always, and Marlene and Dorcas offering earnest compliments about Hope’s home and garden. She invited them to take a seat at the outdoor table and sent her son off on a daunting task to inform Lyall that dinner was ready.
His mates joined Lily, who had already taken her place at the end of the table, and swiftly dove into easy conversation. Sirius smiled at the sight and sent a quick prayer of gratitude that his lives had merged so seamlessly. A gentle hand was placed on his back and Sirius turned toward Hope and the tender expression she was sending his way.
“I’m so happy to have you back on the farm. It’s been too long.”
“Did you miss me?” He flashed a beaming smile at the lovely woman, causing a delicate flush to appear over her tanned cheeks. She looked away, fussing over the already perfect table setting, taking a moment to collect herself.
“The poor Lupins had to babysit you long enough, Pads,” James interrupted with a snicker. He settled into the chair across from Lily and sent her a knowing look. “Bit of a complainer, that one.”
“I’m an excellent dinner guest! Besides, Hope’s cooking is some of the best I’ve ever had,” Sirius raved and plopped down into the seat next to his mate.
“Alri’, that’s enough out of you, Mr. Charmer.”
He whipped his head around at the gruff voice, Lyall Lupin finally having emerged from the solitude of the cabin to brave the waters of socialisation. “Well, someone has to compliment your wife if you aren’t going to,” he fired back with a wide grin. Lyall joined them at the table with a loud huff, though Sirius spied the slight twitch of his lips in amusement.
“Threatened by a celestial, Da?” Remus tutted and slid into the seat next to Sirius, their legs pressed tightly against each other under the cover of the table. “Bit embarrassin’, innit?”
“I’m goin’ back inside if I’m being bullied,” the older Lupin warned over a slurp of ale.
“It’s amazing to see you again, Lyall,” Sirius soothed with a grin. “I believe you’ve already met my mates during the lunch we had with the colony?” The charming miraculously worked on the man and after another round of introductions, they all eagerly tucked into the impressive spread.
The food was delicious, as expected, and everyone showered Hope with endless compliments that she hardly knew how to accept. Plates were cleared and ale was passed around in flowing cups, loosening tongues and transforming the light conversation into deeper topics. Sirius internally celebrated when the gruff old Lupin was eventually softened by an engaging discussion with Dorcas and Marlene.
James was waving his hands wildly next to him, in the middle of a fierce and enthralling tale with Lily across the table about a recent terraforming expedition. Sirius spared a moment to feel sorry for the red-headed, knowing that his best mate could go off on quite a tangent. But the healer appeared to be enjoying herself, leaning across the table mid-laughter, brushing away the absurd amount of crumbs that had found their way onto James’ shirt in the midst of his flailing.
They also spoke about the war, of course. Tentatively at first, but quickly grasping at the opportunity to process the impact they all felt in their bones. The after-effects still rippling through the colony, stark reminders from the ExoSkel standing out on Remus’ arm, the exhaustion still weighing on their shoulders.
The colony still had endless work to be done. The southerners that were left without a leader and home would require months– if not years–of support in settling somewhere new, re-learning how to live on Earth outside their cluttered and contaminated city. For now, the intensity of the situation had faded to a tolerable simmer, the colonies co-existing as the southerners healed and accepted the challenge that lay before them. They were Earthlings, after all, and a life centred around adaptation and survival was nothing new.
But sitting in the peaceful garden, surrounded by friends, Sirius could be grateful for all that they accomplished.
“And what about you lot?” Lyall drained his second cup and fixed the celestials with a stern look. “Gonna head back to the stars once your fancy research is complete?”
“Erm-” Lyall swivelled back to scrutinise his son with a raised eyebrow and Remus flashed a nervous side-eye his way before focusing back on his father. “There was actually somethin’ we wanted to talk to you all about.”
“I’m staying on Earth.” Sirius delivered the news with a proud smile. “I haven’t told my crew yet, we still need to get things sorted. We’ll need to figure out if anyone else would like to stay or be transferred to another ship.”
“I’ll be staying,” James added, leaning back in his chair with a relaxed grin. “Not so bad here, is it?”
“It’s all because of the bloody empire,” Marlene scowled. “We can do something, fight back! You shouldn’t be forced out of the stars.”
“Well, actually,” he paused and caught James’ encouraging nod, Lily’s gentle smile as she quickly caught on. “That certainly made the decision easier, but I’m not being forced. I’m choosing to stay. With Remus.” He reached out to hold the tanned hand resting on the table, their fingers automatically weaving together.
“We’re dating,” Remus added, directed toward his parents.
“Of course, ya are,” Lyall snorted. “What, was I supposed to pretend to be oblivious to the feckin’ heart-eyes you’ve been sendin’ each other?”
“Yes!” Hope swatted her husband on the shoulder. “Until they were ready to tell us!”
Sirius hunched over in a fit of laughter, feeling his partner shaking with his own amusement beside him. Seemed the entire colony knew about their feelings for each other before they did.
“They were idiots,” Lily chimed in over a sip of mead. “It was painful to watch them try and sort it out, eh?”
The Lupins nodded in exasperated agreement, causing their son to scowl. “Figured it out, didn’t we?” he huffed. “Christ.”
Sirius couldn’t help leaning over to plant a kiss against his flustered partner’s cheek. “We figured it out,” he agreed.
Marlene and Dorcas were understandably surprised at the news, gaping at them with open mouths and wide eyes. But Dorcas’ talent lay in the art of spoken words and bridging difficult conversations. She quickly recovered and fixed them both with a kind and open expression. “I’m extremely happy for you, Captain. Remus, you must be truly something if you managed to win over his heart.”
Remus flushed and faltered at the compliment but Sirius cut in with a confident declaration. “He is. He’s everything.”
Marlene was still staring at their linked hands, her brow furrowed in confusion, the corner of her mouth ticked down in a lopsided frown.
“Marls?” he questioned.
The blonde celestial blinked and quickly looked away. “It’s not right,” she mumbled.
The entire table stiffened at the statement and Sirius felt his stomach give a painful lurch, his relieved grin falling from his face. He’d known his relationship with another man would be contested by the majority of celestials but he’d never thought it would come from one of his dearest friends.
“It is right,” James snapped, defending his best mate and brother. “They’re tethered, Marlene. If it was wrong then why would the stars have written it this way?”
Her brown eyes widened, clearly stunned by the admission, and she looked back and forth between her captain and the Watcher. “You’re tethered?” she whispered. Sirius nodded stiffly and immediately Marlene stumbled to her feet, the dishes on the table clattering with the sudden movement. “I’m sorry, I need a minute,” she pleaded. “Excuse me.”
“I’ll talk to her,” Dorcas promised with a whisper before rising up from the table to follow after their Chief Engineer. She ran up to the blonde’s side and the pair slowly retreated to the edge of the garden overlooking the farm, away from prying ears, and could be seen having a stilted conversation.
“Bit of a culture shock,” Sirius explained lightly, hiding his own hurt, and Remus gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. The older Lupins had been watching the exchange with growing confusion. “It’ll be alright.”
They tried to relax over their drinks, and Sirius dove into an epic retelling of his romance with a tawny-haired Watcher, and eventually, the two celestials wandered back over with apologetic smiles. Marlene still appeared troubled but she fixed Remus with a stern look coupled with the threat that he better take excellent care of her reckless captain.
“It’s getting a bit late. I think it might be best if we get some sleep, regroup again tomorrow?” Dorcas tentatively suggested. “Thank you so much for welcoming us into your home, Mister and Missus Lupin.”
James offered to drive the girls back to the Patronus and Lily quickly bullied the celestial into dropping her off at the colony centre as well. “We need to give the lovebirds some time alone,” she reasoned with a grin, jumping up to sling an arm around James’ tall shoulders. His mate flushed and quickly agreed, no doubt terrified at refusing the ferocious healer’s request
The group disappeared around the cabin with parting waves and Lyall clambered up to his feet. He gave a firm clap on Sirius’ shoulder with an approving nod, before ambling off inside ready to be back in the comfort of his favourite armchair by the fire.
“You two care for some tea before ya leave?” Hope fixed them with a hopeful expression that Sirius simply couldn’t refuse and expressed sincere gratitude for a cup of leaf water.
He and Remus began clearing the table and brought the dishes inside for washing up, before finally relaxing together on the porch swing. Alone at last. Sirius buried in close against his side and released a long breath, all the tension melting from his body as Remus rubbed a soothing pattern against his back.
“That was hard. With Marlene.”
“Mhm. Wasn’t expectin’ that, but seems like Dorcas took it well. And she came around in the end. She loves ya,” Remus continued thoughtfully. “I can tell. And people who love ya will always support ya.”
Sirius sighed again. “Yeah. You’re right. It’ll just take some more time.”
Hope poked her head out with a tray of steaming mugs and joined them, pulling an old rocking chair over to recline in as they sipped on their beverages. Even Sirius had to admit there was something grounding about the spiced tea, warming his insides and washing away the lingering stress from the events of the evening.
“It’s amazing news that you’re stayin’, Sirius,” Hope offered, breaking the peaceful quiet. “I think we’ve all grown used to seein’ you around the colony. Would you two like to stay the night here? I can fix up the spare.”
Remus cleared his throat. “Actually, Ma? I was thinkin’ I’d go show Sirius the chalet tonight.”
Sirius whipped his head back and forth between his partner and Hope, equal parts intrigued and confused. His confusion drastically increased when her eyes suddenly welled with tears.
“Oh, cyw,” she replied thickly. “I think that’s a lovely idea. The key is next to the hutch.”
“Right.” Remus released a gruff cough and rose to his feet, off to fetch the mysterious key, leaving Sirius alone on the porch with his verklempt mother and a half-empty cup of tea.
“What’s the chalet?” He cocked his head and offered a charming grin. However Hope merely laughed, not falling for the bait, and shook her head fondly.
“You’ll see.” She was staring at him with so much tender warmth that Sirius felt himself becoming a little choked up. Hope glanced at the back door, and after seeing that Remus was out of sight she stole his abandoned seat on the porch swing next to Sirius. “I haven’t said it explicitly,” she whispered. “But I'm so happy Remus found you. I was worried he’d be alone for a long time.”
Sirius peered back into her kind yet tired eyes, noting the deep lines etched in her face from endless years of concern. “I’ll do anything for him,” he vowed, needing Hope to hear the devotion in his voice. “I love him more than anything.” He was definitely choked up now and turned his head to stealthily scrub at a few stray tears. A gentle arm landed around his shoulder and Sirius leaned into the touch, resting against Hope’s side in a caring embrace.
They sat in silence for a moment, taking comfort in one another’s presence and the distant sound of clucking chickens and leaves rustling in the breeze. “Welcome to the family, fy mab.”
His lips quirked with a smile. “What does that mean?” A worn and callused hand lovingly stroked through his hair and Sirius watched as more tears fell from his face, landing on his lap, as Hope’s soft voice brushed his ear.
“My son.” Hope was everything a mother should be. His plummet to Earth should have been a death sentence, but instead it had granted him a new life. “Feel free to visit the farm whenever you’d like.”
The tender moment ended when the backdoor swung open with a bang to reveal a huffing Watcher. “The key wasn’t near the hutch, Ma. It was in a fecking flower pot in the kitchen.” Remus paused in his rant and viewed the pair nestled together on the swing, his eyes quickly tracing the wet tracks on Sirius’ cheeks. “Alri, cariad?”
“Brilliant,” he breathed with a smile. He leaned in to give Hope a final parting hug, whispering a soft thanks in her ear, before he rose up to join his frazzled partner. “Come on,” Sirius goaded. “I need to know what this mystery is before I combust. ”
Hope let out a burst of laughter as Remus rolled his eyes. “He’s a handful, that one,” she called out toward her son happily. “You two have a good night.”
He followed his partner to the parked rover, brimming with excitement, but was quickly thrown off when Remus threw a daft statement out into the dark that threatened to knock him unconscious before he even hit the ground.
“I reckon that Lils has eyes for your mate.”
“What.” Sirius skidded to a stop in the gravel and gaped after the Watcher casually climbing into the driver seat. He rushed forward, hauling his body into the passenger seat, and continued his silent gaping as his partner fussed about, cautiously putting the vehicle into gear with his new celestial appendage. “Why do you think that?”
“I can just tell.” Remus shrugged and started up the rover. “I know Lily.”
“But she thinks he’s annoying!”
“Nuh. She doesn’t. She likes him.”
Sirius sat back in his seat, mulling over the new information, turning over the recent interactions between his best mate and his new friend on Earth. He simply didn’t see it. They turned down a dirt path and Sirius peeked out the window, his early excitement instantly returning in full-force, any conversation about Lily’s romantic interests left behind in the dust.
“So, about this chalet,” he chirped.
“Christ, ya cannae wait a few minutes?” Remus scoffed but he was failing to hide a wide grin. He sent Sirius a fond look across the rover before focusing back on the road. “My parents and I moved into the cabin when I was four,” he explained. “When my granddad died. Before that we lived on the property in the chalet.”
The rover crawled to a stop and Sirius eagerly peered out the windows, taking in the sight of a small building nestled in a grove of trees on the edge of the field. “You grew up here?”
“Mhm. Wanna go inside?”
“Yes,” Sirius released an adamant trill and launched himself outside of the rover, leaving Remus behind shaking with surprised laughter at his enthusiasm.
He crunched up the stone pathway and studied the old home in the light of the setting sun. It was unlike the majority of buildings in the colony and differed considerably from the Lupin cabin they’d just left behind. Instead of being composed of large logs and blocky in shape, it was triangular and delicate. The entire front of the chalet was a wall of windows from ground to rooftop and a large wooden porch wrapped around the sides of the building and back into the treeline. He could easily picture the three Lupins growing up there, a young Remus running around the grounds as Lyall relaxed on the porch and Hope puttered around inside, visible through the open windows.
“It’s called Hen-aelwyd. ” Remus had appeared at his side and was smiling with a wistful expression. “It means Old Hearth of Home, right? A house full of warm memories with a promise for more.”
It was a name that felt like a prayer. One that Sirius could whisper in the dark underneath a star-filled sky.
He allowed his partner to lead the way up onto the porch to unlock the front door with the mystery key obtained from the Lupins. Sirius trickled inside and drank in the small but inviting space as Remus set to work building a fire in the wood stove. It was a bit stuffy, the old furniture coated in a thin layer of dust and the cloth curtains worn and sunbleached. But it was warm. The walls and floor were built with a light-panelled wood that contrasted with dark beams running up the length of the home and meeting at a sharp point at the top of the high ceiling.
The entire chalet was open, the living room the focal point with a small kitchen nestled underneath a loft that overlooked the main floor below. Sirius wandered over to the staircase and ran his hand over the numerous books housed in the shelves built-in underneath the steps. His lips curled into a small smile when he noticed markings on the kitchen door frame, lines etched in the wood that catalogued Remus’ height over the years up until he was four years old. Even then, his partner had been a relative giant.
Remus stood up from the wood stove with a pleased grunt at a job well done, and the room crackled as the fire picked up to illuminate the room in a golden glow. “My ma and da come out here every so often to check on it, but no one’s lived here in years. My parents weren’t expectin’ me to join the Watch and live in the barracks. I think they’re ready for the day I decide to leave the centre and move back out here.”
Sirius spun around in dawning understanding. “This place is yours now?”
Remus was staring back at him with an uncharacteristically vulnerable expression, his tall frame hunched and curled inward. “Well, it could be ours. If you wanted.”
His heart leapt. Sirius looked around, absorbing the chalet in a new light, no longer thinking about the memories the home held from the past but new ones that could be formed in the future.
“It’s nothin’ grand. I know it looks a feckin’ mess right now, I’d have to clean it up.” Remus was rambling now, becoming more and more worried, as Sirius silently wandered around the space. “A fresh coat of paint would make a big difference, and of course we could change it however ya want, maybe add in some different furnit–”
“A garden,” Sirius interrupted with a whisper, looking out the window over the kitchen sink.
“Eh?”
“Do you think Hope would help me plant a garden?”
Remus opened and closed his mouth before nodding slowly. “Aye. I reckon she would.”
“And we could have breakfast outside on the porch. I could drink my coffee and make fun of your leaf water.” Sirius could see it. So easily, he could picture the two of them transforming and breathing life back into the home. Making it their own. “And we can add a seat here for you to read your books under the window.”
“You’d want that? To live here with me?”
Sirius scoffed at the disbelieving tone. His partner was incredibly handsome, witty, and overall an absolute brilliant bloke. But he sure had his moments of stupidity. “Remus. You’ll have to pry this place from my cold, dead hands. Of course I bloody want it.”
There was a creak of the wood floors and suddenly Remus was standing behind him and wrapping strong arms around Sirius’ torso. He leaned back into the embrace and sighed happily as Remus buried his face against his neck. “We’ll have to build a tiny shed out back for James to live in, of course,” he continued, feeling Remus’ huff of laughter against his skin. “Or he could sleep under the porch, I suppose. And no chickens. They’re bloody terrifying.”
“Of course.” Warm lips were slowly working their way up his neck and Sirius shivered as they ghosted over his ear. “Anythin’ else?”
“Erm–,” Sirius was having trouble collecting his thoughts, distracted by the light bites on his earlobe and the rough hands under his shirt tracing patterns against his stomach and hips. “A..big bed?”
“That’s a given.” Remus’ voice had slid into a deep rumble, causing another shiver to work its way up Sirius’ spine. He tilted his head back and his eyes fluttered closed as an open kiss was placed against his exposed throat. Oh. He had missed this.
“Wanna stay here tonight?”
Sirius hummed in approval as teeth nipped at his delicate skin. “Yes, that’d be brilliant,” he sighed. However, his eyes snapped open and he spun around when Remus suddenly disappeared, his warmth and teasing touches taken away with him. He gaped at the tall figure sauntering away across the living room floor, looking perfectly at ease despite abandoning his gorgeous partner.
“Oi! Where are you going? I wasn’t done with you!”
“Reckon you’ll have to wait.” Remus blinked at him with innocent eyes, a look that was ruined by the knowing smirk fixed firmly on his face. “Gotta set up a place to sleep.”
Sirius huffed and glared and stomped about, but he eventually stepped in to help set up the makeshift bed when Remus attempted to move the couch with his freshly healed arm. The upstairs loft was strictly off-limits until they had inspected the foundation to ensure that neither of them went crashing through the floorboards, so instead the pair settled on the plush rug with a collection of blankets and pillows gathered from the linen closet.
Sirius dropped to the ground with a grateful groan and lounged back against the newly made bed. He sent a lazy grin in Remus’ direction, the bloke currently rummaging around in one of the cabinets. His grin was returned and Remus finally ventured over to join him in front of the fire with an ancient and battered case.
“I have one final thing to show ya. I remember you liked listening to music in your room on the Patronus. Said you missed it?”
Sirius hummed in agreement and watched curiously as the case was opened up to reveal a rectangular device with a stylus. Remus slid a large black disc out from a sleeve and placed it inside, moving the stylus to rest on top. There was a loud pop followed by a crackling noise that filled the silence, and suddenly the soft sounds of music were heard beneath the distorted static.
Sirius sucked in a gasp and glanced at Remus with wide eyes, the crisp piano notes and a woman’s crooning voice filling the home and settling within his bones. Remus broke out in a wide smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and he laid back on the blankets with his arms open wide in invitation. Sirius needed no further prompting and quickly settled in against him, resting against his chest and listening to the music and thrum of his partner’s heart.
A few songs passed, the two content to spend the time without speaking, before Sirius broke the comfortable quiet. “Thank you for taking me here,” he whispered.
“No problem, spaceman.” A gentle hand threaded through his hair and Sirius sighed, drinking in the grounding touch and soothing lyrics. It was perfect.
" –and when the night is new, I’ll be looking at the moon, but I'll be seeing you–”
He released a breathless laugh and raised himself up to peek at Remus’ face. His eyes were closed and he had a peaceful smile lifting the corner of his mouth, relaxed and content.
“My moon.”
Amber eyes cracked open. “Yes, my star?”
The entire universe had lined up–every single cosmic piece falling into place–and somehow found him worthy of finding something inexplicably good. Sirius loved him.
He was at a loss for further words but thankfully he’d learned how to express himself through touch. Sirius leaned down to brush his lips lightly over the scar on Remus’ mouth before trailing kisses across his sharp jaw. “I waited,” he mumbled, nuzzling against his neck. “I was patient.”
Remus snorted but enabled his advances by offering up more of his skin for Sirius’ wandering lips. “You were hardly patient. Pouted the entire time, didn’t ya?”
Sirius hummed, too absorbed in sucking a mark along his partner’s collarbone to respond to the quip. A sharp tug on his hair pulled him back and he released a disappointed groan.
Remus was watching him with a thoughtful expression, still holding onto his long hair with a tight fist. “What if I told ya to wait longer? Because you weren’t good?”
He narrowed his eyes and studied Remus’ face, trying to translate the question and see if it was an honest request to stop. His amber eyes were dark, voice pitched low, a small smirk was hinting at the corner of his mouth. Sirius instantly understood.
“Then I’d listen to you.”
He licked his lips slowly, thrilled when Remus instantly tracked the movement. The hold on his hair loosened and Sirius had a daring thought–a question of how far he could push this–that sent his heartbeat racing, his stomach flipping with anticipation. He pulled away to lay back on the bed, tilting his chin down and peering back at Remus through his thick lashes. The perfect picture of obedience.
“I can be very good,” he promised. Remus sucked in a quiet breath, and Sirius covered his smug smirk with a languid stretch. A movement that just so happened to cause his shirt to rise up and expose the pale skin along his hip.
Remus swore and suddenly a mouth was crashing against his in a searing kiss, frantic and heated, clashing teeth and bruising lips. Sirius moaned, eagerly relinquishing any fight for control and allowing himself to be fully consumed, swept away by the desperate claim of Remus’ tongue and the tight grip of fingers digging into his skin.
“You’re so fucking beautiful. You’re mine.”
“Yes,” Sirius easily agreed. “I’m yours.” Without a question. He belonged to Remus in every sense of the word. His mind, body, and soul were intertwined and growing around the man in a way that could never be undone.
They were both panting heavily now, and Remus pulled back to allow them a chance to catch their breath. A large hand slid up his chest and settled against his jaw, and Sirius savoured the soft stroke of a thumb against his cheek as Remus stared at him with open admiration. “And I’m yours.”
They kissed again but now with a different intention, unhurried and covetous. The frenzied energy between them transformed into something softer, a deep and endless flame that burned slow and steady. Filled with a longing to sink into each other, a moment in time shared just between the two of them.
His shirt was eventually removed and tossed aside as Remus followed through on Sirius' request of redoing the fading bruises along his throat and shoulder. Marks that symbolised his tie to the man pressed tightly against him, proof that the promises of the heavens were real. Sirius could have choked on the need to be closer, the need to climb within Remus’ chest and nestle there among his ribs in the security and warmth, so intertwined that they questioned whose bones belonged to whom.
He needed–
“Remus,” he gasped and clutched at tanned skin, an anchor in a swell of feeling. “Have all of me.”
Lips reluctantly pulled away from a vivid purple bruise along his hip bone and Remus peered up at him, all flushed cheeks and unfocused eyes, lost in mapping out Sirius’ skin. He was gorgeous.
“What?”
“I want to give you all of me. I want–,” Sirius groaned, frustrated at the limits of his language. “What you told me about before. Between men. To be close. Please.”
“Are–you’re sure?”
“Yes.” He ran his fingers through soft tawny curls. “Yes,” he repeated, dragging Remus down into a confident kiss. Yesyesyes.
Remus relaxed into the kiss for a moment before pulling away with a murmured apology. “We can do that, cariad. But we need stuff. Spit won’t work, not for this. Not for how I want this to be.” Sirius whined in dismay as Remus withdrew from their tangle on the floor. “Be right back,” he promised with a brief kiss to his forehead, before heading out the front door.
Sirius rose up on his elbows and watched, oscillating between confusion and annoyance at the abandonment, and heard the rover door open and shut with a distant slam. The Watcher returned with a metal tin which he tossed onto the blankets next to them, and settled back down with a sheepish smile. “Makes things slippery,” he explained.
Sirius blinked at the jar and looked back up at his partner with a wicked grin rapidly growing on his face. “Keep that within easy reach, do you? Just in case an opportunity presents itself?”
Remus released a fabulous huff. “I didn’t assume you and I– that’s where I keep it.”
“Mhm,” Sirius nodded solemnly. “Makes sense keeping it in the rover. Places to be, people to seduce.”
“Oh shuddup.”
His loud bark of laughter was cut off and swiftly transformed into a moan when Remus pounced on him and pinned his hands above his head. He was punished for the teasing with a derisive bite to his lower lip, drawing out a needy whine. “You’ll be thanking me later,” Remus promised with a low whisper.
Sirius already knew that Remus’ promises were something written in the stars. He was thankful.
But he was also desperate, panting, and begging as he became completely undone by fevered touches and sloppy kisses, by the slick finger sliding in him for the first time. Sirius was thankful when he asked for more and Remus delivered, when one finger became two and he felt himself being stretched with a subtle burn that hinted he would finally, for the first time in his life, feel full. He was thankful, even as he desperately wished to be closer, a reverent sigh falling from his lips as Remus buried deep within him. The two finally one, complete and at home as their bodies moved together, gasping against each other’s lips, faces reflecting back unfiltered pleasure.
And Sirius was reluctant, clinging tightly and unwilling to pull apart, even after they both fell over the edge in one another’s arms with whispered and breathless declarations. When Remus eventually pulled away, Sirius whimpered at the initial feeling of loss, terrified at returning to the horrible emptiness he’d lived for so long. But he realised quickly that he wasn’t empty. He would always be full, something that was solidified in the steady arms clutching him tightly, in the warm tongue that lapped up the cooling mess across his stomach, the vows of devotion tattooed into his skin.
He was known. Every single layer of himself, down to the core, displayed and accepted without hesitation, with unconditional love.
Sunlight streamed in from the large chalet windows across Sirius’ face, and he briefly noted that he and Remus would have to find a way to filter the relenting glare. He was not waking up at an unholy hour with the rising sun for the rest of his bloody existence. The second thing he noticed was a gorgeous person lounging beside him, watching him with open adoration, amber eyes crinkled with a smile. “Bore da, my star.”
He hastily wiped the steady stream of spit from his mouth. “Were you watching me sleep?”
“Mhm.”
Sirius laughed and flopped onto his back with a lazy stretch, curiously examining the soreness in his body from their activities the night before. “That should bother me, but I absolutely watch you when you sleep. So I suppose it’s only fair,” he relented with a smirk. Remus was still peering back at him with faint disbelief. He gave another quick scrub against his face, worried he’d missed an embarrassing patch of dried drool. “What?”
“I’m still havin’ trouble believin’ that every day could begin like this.”
“Like what?”
“Full of light.”
“Oh and people call me a charmer,” he cooed. His heart swelled when Remus huffed and rolled away, feigning exasperation. “We’ll have to get blinds for the windows,” he added with a snicker, following after his partner and resting his head against his shoulder with an innocent grin.
“Christ, you’re annoying. I was tryin’ to be romantic.”
“It was very romantic, darling. I’m absolutely melting.” He waited patiently and allowed his partner to go through the necessary huffs and scoffs. “What’s the plan for today?”
Remus released a final 'hmph' before settling back down and giving his question a true ponder. “I reckon I should check in with the Watch at some point. And you were plannin’ on talkin’ to your crew today, eh?”
Sirius sighed and nodded. “I’ll have to head back to the Patronus and deal with the mess.”
“Want some company?”
Sirius immediately perked up at the offer. “Yes! Absolutely. Please come with me. It’ll be nice to have you by my side when I disclose the horrors of our relationship.”
Remus laughed and sat up to give his neck a solid crack. “Alri’, then. I’ll be your protective shield. But only if ya feed me breakfast first.”
Sirius laughed and reached up with grabby hands to have the tall Watcher pull him up, and the pair walked out to the rover hand in hand. He jumped up into the passenger side and settled back with a slight grimace, the hard seat a little uncomfortable. He shifted and buckled up, noticing that he had a captive audience. “What.”
“Sore?”
Sirius narrowed his eyes back in a glare, daring his smug partner to say something further. “No.”
“Hmm,” Remus smirked and guided the vehicle down the side road to the celestial ship. “That’s a shame.”
Sirius sniffed and looked out the window, secretly pleased with the attention, and tried to ignore the anxiety about confronting his crew. The situation with Marlene left him expecting the worst. But it felt good to be honest about the bond he shared with Remus, regardless of the reactions that came their way.
“Hey,” he prompted softly. Remus hummed in question as he rolled to a park next to the Patronus entrance. “We told your family about us. I was thinking—” Sirius turned to face his partner fully and rushed out with the request before he lost his nerve. “Want to meet my brother? We could–we could call him first? Before the crew?”
Amber eyes widened in disbelief. “Regulus? You want me to meet him?” Sirius nodded quickly, unable to speak. “Fucksake, of course I do.”
Sirius collapsed back with a relieved groan. “Oh thank Merlin. Alright, let’s go see if he’s awake!” He tumbled out of the rover and bounded up the ramp, his partner frantically scrambling to catch up. “He’ll sound terribly annoyed, but that’s just his voice,” he babbled cheerfully. “But I know he’ll be happy to meet you. He was surprisingly supportive of all this.” He waved a hand between the two of them in explanation.
“You told him about me already?”
Sirius scoffed and stomped into his captain’s chambers to rummage around his nightstand for the trusty comm device. “You daft handsome man. Of course I bloody did.” He crooned in triumph when he saw the green light blinking, signalling the open channel, and sat back on the bed. He looked up at his partner, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, and patted the spot next to him. “Ready?”
Remus took a centring breath and nodded tensely, before settling down next to him with a cautious grin. “Let’s fecking do this.”
“I’ll feed you after,” he promised with a laugh, leaning in to give the Watcher an encouraging kiss. He raised the comm up between them and switched his channel open.
“Reggie? Are you there? I have someone I want you to meet.” They paused for a moment, hearing only static and their own breathing, before a clipped voice filled the room.
“I was wondering when you would finally call.”
Sirius was instantly thrust into a deadly freefall; he resigned himself to an inevitable crash when he eventually hit the ground. The voice that responded was not his brother’s. Instead it was a sound that haunted every nightmare. A voice that was corrosive, eating away layer upon layer of resilience until it infected and festered within his very cells. The one true threat to his and Regulus’ safety.
He had once told his partner that he no longer had any ties to space. That he was content to surrender his life in the sky and remain on Earth to nurture their ever-growing love. Sirius had lied to Remus–smoothly and confidently–without even realising it.
He had one final tether in the stars. One that could not be abandoned.
“Mother. Where is Regulus?”
Notes:
So much content holy shit? I'm a firm believer that the celestials took David Bowie with them during the space expansion, but Led Zep and Billie Holiday survived the apocalypse on Earth <3
(If you haven't seen the 3D printed casts you should give it a Google, its what Remus' fancy new arm is based on.)
Remus Slut Behavior Lupin keeping lube in the car, I'm here for it.
And Sirius Big Brother Black :'(
One more chapter to go!!
Chapter 29: Love of My Life
Summary:
Final chapter with an epilogue to follow
Sirius discloses his past. Remus makes a choice.
Notes:
Holy fuck. I wrote an entire book.
I know this last chapter took a while, but I'm so glad I took the hiatus to re-read the story and finish this in a way that felt intentional. Thank you all for reading! Your support has meant the world to me.
HUGE thank you to my beta for putting up with my tantrums and helping this story come to an end.
Cheers <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Love of my life, you've hurt me
You've broken my heart, and now you leave me
Love of my life, can't you see?
Bring it back, bring it back, don't take it away from me
Because you don't know what it means to me
- Queen "Love of My Life" 1975
“I was wondering when you would finally call.”
Remus witnessed the death of a star. If he hadn’t seen it for himself, then he would have believed it impossible for a voice alone to cause a brilliant light to be snuffed out and banished from existence in half a second. That a single sentence–words uttered lightyears away through a radio device–held the power to cause a world shattering supernova. But Remus was frozen, helpless, left to absorb the shock of the blast as the centre of his own personal solar system died from the inside out before his very eyes.
“Mother. Where is Regulus?”
Sirius’ voice was steady, even as his face drained of all colour and haunted eyes filled with stubborn, unshed tears. The speaker, Sirius’ mother, ignored the question with ease, carrying on without any emotion.
“It was unfortunate news that you survived the crash to Earth.”
A weak noise escaped his lips before Remus could hold it back, and Sirius raised a hand, silently commanding him to be quiet.
“Ah. You were the one who planned my death.”
“Please. That would mean I spent significant time thinking about you.” The voice sounded bored, if not a little disgusted. “I had nothing to do with it. I believe your father mentioned it to me in passing over dinner. Steak and a well-paired Romanée-Conti.”
If the celestial was bothered by his parents’ apparent indifference regarding his death, it didn’t show. Steel eyes flashed, his hands tightened into fists, and Sirius growled out his original question. “Where is Regulus?”
“Regulus will no longer be contacting you. I’m grateful we received word that the two of you were communicating. Now he’ll be surrounded by more influential people moving forward. He’s finally chosen the right side, indoctrinated to support an important cause alongside your cousin. Not that he’s any of your concern. You’re no longer part of the Family.”
Sirius’ hands were shaking in his lap. Remus finally moved–wrenched from his paralysis with a purpose– and reached out to gently uncurl the relentless grip, releasing the piercing nails that left behind scarlet crescents against pale palms.
“Having you marked as a deserter has been a significant embarrassment for us. You should have died, Sirius. I’m disappointed that you couldn’t even do that correctly.” She sighed, something resigned, a noise that echoed through the room with a crackle of static. “You can’t imagine the damage control we’ve had to do. I would hate if Regulus had to pay for your actions. Do not contact us again.”
The call ended abruptly with a soft click that caused both men to flinch. The green light turned red and then faded to black completely. He couldn’t fully comprehend what had happened, but a sense of doom lingered overhead, building and stifling. Leaving behind an oppressive silence filled with nothing but Remus’ own blood roaring in his ears. It was the type of quiet that was unbearably loud, one that lasted for an eternity.
Until Remus was ripped back to the present, the hands he was holding roughly pulled from his grasp as Sirius hurled the communication device across the room with a wordless scream, a cry torn deep from within his chest.
They both watched the radio shatter into irreparable pieces across the soft carpeted floor, and Remus shook his head feeling as if he was moving underwater, anchored only by the sound of his partner panting heavily beside him. “Sirius–”
A loud and humourless laugh cut him off.
“When I asked you to meet my family, I wasn’t anticipating Walburga Black.” His voice was broken and raspy, and if Remus hadn’t known every part of the man it would have been horribly unfamiliar.
“That was really your–?”
“My darling mum? Unfortunately.”
“But she was so…” He couldn’t find a single fucking word that described the interaction. Cruel, perhaps. Monstrous. Not an ounce of love or appreciation shown for the stunning person that had fallen into Remus’ life in a blaze of fire and smoke.
“That was nothing. She was rather well-behaved, in fact.”
“Cariad,” Remus whispered. “You deserve so much better than that.”
His partner fixed him with an incredulous look. “She can say whatever she’d like. I’m a disgrace, better off dead, et cetera. I’ve heard it all before. She can’t hurt me here.”
Sirius dismissed the sadistic words of his mother with a flippant hand. But he appeared anything but indifferent as he jumped up to pace the floor of the captain’s chambers, tugging at his hair in a frantic daze, eyes wild and anxious. “She can’t hurt me here,” he repeated, mumbling the words like a prayer. Silver eyes bore into his across the room. “But Regulus is in danger. And it’s all my fault.”
The tears that had been held at bay finally won the battle and fell silently down Sirius’ cheeks. Remus stood and stepped forward to gently wipe away the tears with his thumbs, but they were replaced with more as Sirius peered up at him through wet lashes.
“How is any of this your fault?”
“Someone found out that he was communicating with me.” He felt the harsh swallow of Sirius’ throat under his palm. “And I— I left him. All alone.”
Remus held on tightly as the strong and resilient commander broke down completely in his arms. His own eyes burned at the sound of his partner’s broken, gut-wrenching sobs, but Remus held back his own tears and buried his face in ebony waves, murmuring reassurance, patiently allowing Sirius the space to feel. He also held back anger. A fierce rage directed at those who caused his partner pain, directed at the life Sirius had lived that forced him to hide underlying suffering.
“I–” Sirius eventually choked, sucked in a shaky breath, and tried to speak again. “I picked James over him.”
“I’m having trouble believing that, my star.”
Sirius scoffed and pulled away, scrubbing angrily at the wetness on his face. “You don’t understand, Remus!”
“I want to understand.” Sirius stubbornly shook his head and Remus released a frustrated huff. “Please, love. You dun have to do this alone anymore. Let me in.”
The heartfelt plea softened the celestial and he deflated with a weary sigh, before sitting back down on the mattress and burying his face in his hands. Remus slowly sank down next to him, treading carefully, not wanting to spook the man as he searched for the right words to begin.
“I once told you that my parents weren’t like yours.”
“Aye.” He waited for a breath and continued on when it was clear the celestial was remaining silent. “I dunno any more than that. Except for the pieces I put together myself.”
Sirius snapped his head back up and narrowed his eyes accusingly. “What pieces?”
“Everythin’. Your avoidance of the topic, history of pain without pleasure. And James mentioned that you were desensitized to torture, cariad. He didn’t say why or how but–”
“You put the puzzle together.” Sirius laughed, something cruel, his mouth curled in a sharp grin that only promised danger. “I forget how easily you see me.”
The mortifying ordeal of being known.
“Of course I see you,” Remus whispered. “It’s impossible to look away. No matter where I am, or what I do, my eyes always go back to you.”
He heard the quiet hitch of Sirius’ breath and suddenly his side was warm, the soft press of his partner leaning against him seeking support.
“I don’t know how to talk about it,” Sirius confessed, words muffled from his position buried against Remus’ neck. “I’ve never told anyone before. James made his own conclusions based on what he heard over the years. And Reg and I never spoke about it directly.”
“I’ll listen. If you’d like to try.”
It was only after ten deep, measured breaths that Sirius finally began to disclose his dark past, slow and timid at first, before the words burst out in a barely controlled flood.
“Regulus and I grew up in Grimmauld Place, an outpost on one of the moons in the Altair system, a solar system nearby where the majority of the Sacred 28 live. It wasn’t like growing up here on Earth, Remus. It was cold. Grey. Nothing but steel and sterile rooms. We were completely isolated from everything except our distant parents, the automatons that cared for the estate, the tutors that came from outside the system, or visiting politicians.”
Remus hummed quietly and began a steady stroke through Sirius’ hair, silently encouraging him to continue.
“Reggie and I only had each other. We were one another’s only source of connection and support, a bond forged out of necessity to survive. But the reality was that we were also one another’s only competition. We faced constant comparison for everything we did, and where one of us set the bar of success, the other person only had the option to fail. And failure meant strict and brutal punishment.”
Sirius faltered and Remus quickly resumed running his fingers through ebony locks once realising that he’d paused the action.
“I quickly learned that I’d rather take the brunt of whatever punishment was doled out by my family instead of dealing with the emotional pain of watching Regulus suffer. If he used the wrong fork at dinner, it was easily overlooked when I insulted a politician’s wife. If Reggie missed a question on our astronomy exams, I’d bugger the entire thing, refuse to sit for the exam or sleep during the lesson. I remember the one exception when Reg failed to mention that he forgot to complete his Latin translations and I turned mine in, received full marks. I can still hear his screams, see the haunted look on his face the next morning every time that I close my eyes–”
“That isn’t your fault.” Remus interrupted, needing Sirius to hear the truth in his words. “Neither of you should have gone through that.”
“But we did.” Sirius was no longer tearful, but instead a man completely drained and emotionless. “My bad behaviour protected him until it got me sent off to Academy in the Porrima system. That’s where I found something better. I learned that life was more than grey rooms and bruised skin. I didn’t want to go back to the life I had before, not after tasting freedom, not after finding another brother who wasn’t associated with pain. And my parents were perfectly happy with that decision, eager to have me disappear into distant space for colonisation away from the inner political circle as soon as I graduated. I never looked back.”
Remus pulled away slightly and placed his hand underneath Sirius’ chin, forcing the other man to look up and meet his gaze. “Nuh. You’re wrong.”
Sirius scowled.
“You’re wrong,” Remus repeated, gently. “You did look back. You talk to your brother on a private comm device, you worry about him, you love him. You were so feckin’ excited to introduce me to him, to have him involved in your life now and what’s important to you. Dun sit there and tell me that you believe you abandoned him just because you decided to do something for yourself.”
“I was selfish.”
“You’re allowed to be. Christ. You were just a kid…Of course you wanted to choose a life that felt safe. But even then, you were still looking out for Regulus. You haven’t given up on him, my star.”
Sirius blinked up at him with wide, silver eyes, and a single tear trailed down his cheek before he screwed his face up in anguish. “I’m so sorry, Remus,” he whispered, the words broken and painful as they fell from his lips.
“Why the feck are you apologising to me?”
“I have to go. I have to go save him. I told you I would stay here on Earth, but–”
“Aye. You do. You need to leave.” Remus could feel the inarguable fact behind the statement, without a question. Of course Sirius Black had to leave to protect his little brother, a purpose he’d been assigned ever since the younger boy was born. It was something undeniably right, echoed in the tether Remus felt in his chest tying them together, tugging upwards to the stars.
It also wasn’t a question when Sirius set his jaw with determination, his invitation accepted before it had even been offered.
“Come with me, Remus.”
“Aye.”
Remus found himself falling back on ingrained behaviour as a Watcher and observed his partner shift back into the carefully constructed mask of the Commander as they left the safety of his bed chambers. Sirius was no longer tearful but strong and determined as he marched to the bridge in search of his second in command. He now understood the necessity of compartmentalization, something he’d unfairly judged and regarded with disdain when the celestial had first fallen to Earth.
“Prongs, change of plans. We leave first thing tomorrow morning.”
Remus was once again shocked at the immense trust demonstrated by James Potter as he merely looked up from the computer screen and offered his captain a single nod. No need to ask questions, not when the second in command knew that Sirius would provide answers in time. “Alright. Shall I gather the others in the meeting room?”
“No. I’ll call them here.” Sirius wandered over to the Patronus’ intercom and Remus settled against the back wall near the doors, watching as the commander sent off a rapid call for the executive crew to join them in the bridge. “Remus is coming with us,” Sirius disclosed offhandedly, taking his seat in the captain’s chair. “We’ll need to get him a space suit crafted right away.”
James’ eyes flickered his way before settling back on Sirius. “Brilliant, mate. We’ll get it sorted. Should be relatively easy to get the Patronus set to leave. We’ll need to run a diagnostic test on the engines and make sure our grav drive is fit to jump. Of course it depends on how far we’re travelling, if we want to go more than 18 light years then we might need to install a modified drive, but we’d then have to check our mobility and make sure the mass isn’t—“
Sirius leaned forward and interrupted his friend’s rambling with a curt question. “Prongs. Who did you tell about Regulus?”
“What?”
“I just spoke with Walburga. She heard we were speaking with one another. Which means the spy knows.”
James’ mouth fell open in disbelief and he rapidly shook his head in denial, his typical olive skin pale. “Padfoot, I– Nobody! I wouldn’t and you explicitly said not to-“
“It was mentioned at the meeting.” Both men turned Remus’ way as he spoke up from the edge of the bridge. “When you were captured by the Overseer. James mentioned that ya had an inside source that shared information about you bein’ labelled as a deserter. But Regulus wasn’t mentioned directly.”
Sirius blinked once and nodded as James swore loudly and stalked across the room. “Who was in that meeting?”
“The barricade team leads, colony leaders, your executive crew.” Remus rattled off easily. “Oh, and Lily.”
“I swear I’ll fix this, Pads,” James cut in urgently. His eyes were wild and he ran his hand anxiously through unruly hair. “This is my mess, I’ll-"
“We’ll fix it by going to get my brother. Something I should have done a long time ago.” James deflated but agreed with weak noise and Sirius leaned forward in his seat, steel eyes flashing. “And we’ll fix it by killing whichever executive crew member argues against my decision to leave Earth.”
“Want me to shoot them all in the head as they walk through this door?” Remus asked dryly.
His partner pursed his lips as James failed to cover a hysterical snort. “It’ll be obvious who it is soon enough. I expect they’ll all have questions, which I’ll answer. But one of them will be more resistant.”
“Whoever pushes back is the spy,” James easily confirmed.
“Because my returning to space will mean the spy failed and Riddle does not tolerate failures.”
Remus frowned in confusion, clearly missing important information as the two celestials smiled at one another in grim agreement. “Who the fuck is Riddle?”
“Your paramour is coming to space with us and you haven’t told him who Riddle is? Merlin, Pads.”
Sirius scowled and raised a threatening fist at his best friend before swivelling his chair around to face Remus fully. “Alright. Quick lesson on inter-space politics before the crew arrives. Riddle is a man–”
“ –bloody terrifying man–” James muttered.
“ –who holds a lot of weight in government. He’s not one of the Sacred 28, per say, but he has the majority of the royal families in his back pocket. My family included. He runs the show undercover but the majority of regulations passed by the oligarchy come from him, all rooted in blood supremacy, wealth accumulation, and keeping our race clean from outside influences like the Raiders. He’s the leader of a radical group called the Death Eaters, which are frankly a cult that worships his every breath. These people would die for him, and more importantly, kill for him.”
Remus blinked, mind swirling with the onslaught of information. He opted to ignore the bits that were outside his understanding, thanks. “Death Eaters? Feckin’ Christ, what kind of name… Alri. So this is the group that ya think your brother joined and the one that the spy is involved with? How can we be sure?”
“Reggie mentioned that those in the inner circle will have a tattoo on their arm, but there are plenty of supporters out there who aren’t technically a Death Eater. There’s no way to be certain.”
“Right.” Remus ran a hand through his curls and shook his head. “So we just need to see who puts up a fuss about leavin’.”
“Correct. They’ll be terrified of whatever retaliation will come from Riddle. I’ve heard he can get very creative with his punishments.”
A shiver worked its way down Remus’ spine as he wondered how horrible a punishment had to be exactly for his partner to find it creative, but any further questions were silenced as the doors next to him slid open with a whoosh announcing the arrival of the Patronus executive crew joining them in the bridge.
“Captain.” Marlene sauntered in with a smirk and straddled an open chair. Dorcas sat down next to her with a lot less bravado and more effortless grace. “What’s the occasion this fine morning?”
“Not to be dramatic,” Sirius drawled, studiously ignoring the eye rolls his words brought as the rest of the officials settled into the room. “But we have a rescue mission on the agenda.”
“Who’s the target?”
“Glad you asked, Kingsley. Our target is Regulus Arcturus Black. I have reason to believe he’s joined a radical group against his will.”
“Radical group? We’re going up against Riddle?”
A hushed murmur filled the space at Dorcas’ quiet question, and the sudden fear in the space was palpable as the celestials’ expressions shifted from polite interest to outright apprehension. Remus silently studied each member's face for any outliers but only saw mirrored panic. It only confirmed what Sirius and James had said.
Riddle was extremely dangerous.
“How do we know that your brother joined unwillingly?” Fabian raised his hands in defence as the Commander shot him an icy glare. “I meant no offence! It’s just, well. The Blacks are known supporters..”
“The Black family is,” Sirius replied coolly. “Not Reg.”
“Captain, are you sure this is the right thing to do?” The quiet and timid voice piped up with a squeak from the mousy man. Christ, Remus could never remember his fucking name– “You’re already labelled a deserter. We could get attacked as soon as the Patronus is spotted within any Sacred 28 owned systems…”
“Merlin, Peter.” Marlene rolled her eyes in annoyance. “We don’t have to dismantle the entire blasted Empire. We just need to swoop in and rescue Baby Black in our gentle and caring embrace. Easy enough.”
“We can make it work.” Kingsley frowned in thought. “If we’re going for more of a stealth mission. Put up a shielded transmission on the ship, pretend we’re just a cargo vessel travelling from deep space to the mining station outside Porrima.”
“We’ll have to fuel up once we’re outside of the Sol system,” Fabian acknowledged. “We’ll need to maintain cover when we land.”
“We can do that,” James waved a flippant hand. “We’re brilliant.”
“But if one thing goes wrong then we’ll be imprisoned.” Peter was trembling now, staring down at his shaking hands in his lap. “We should really think about this. Earth is safer.”
Dorcas reached out a reassuring touch against the man’s shoulder. “I grew up in Tau Ceti. I have lots of connections. We can easily stop there to refuel and I know plenty of people who would keep our cover story. Between Sirius and myself, I’m convinced we can talk our way out of any situation.”
“But we don’t even know where Riddle is!”
The captain hummed thoughtfully and shrugged. “True. But we don’t need to find him. Just my brother.”
“That means we could be travelling across the galaxy for ages, just waiting to be discovered...”
Remus frowned and glanced at Sirius and James for confirmation, but the pair looked vaguely annoyed and resigned with their anxious crewmate. Thankfully Remus was unbiased. To him the resistance was obvious.
He pushed away from the wall, stalked over in a few decisive steps, and reached out a hand to slam Peter’s head down onto the table with a tight grip on the back of his neck. The crew released a uniform cry of alarm as the celestial squirmed underneath his hold with a pitiful whimper.
“Remus, what are you doing? ”
“Mind rollin’ up his sleeves for me, mush?” Remus ignored the captain’s incredulous question and directed his request at Dorcas who was staring at the scene in open shock. She jumped into action when he cocked his eyebrow, and she reached out with trembling hands to wrestle up the sleeves of Peter’s uniform, struggling as the man put up more resistance to the attack.
“Now, fightin’ just makes me think ya have somethin’ to hide,” Remus tutted and tightened his hold. Peter was panting heavily against the table surface with beads of sweat forming on his temple. And standing out starkly against the milky skin of his left forearm was the only confirmation they needed. “Ah. Seems you do.”
“That’s Riddle’s mark,” Dorcas whispered and dropped her hands away from his arm as if burned. “Oh Merlin.”
The room was silent as the celestials stared at their crewmate in disbelief. Sirius appeared frozen, his brows furrowed in confusion, trying to make sense of the simple conclusion before him. James was similarly perplexed with his mouth hanging wide open. It really wasn’t that complicated.
“Want me to shoot him in the head now?”
James blinked as Remus’ voice pulled him from his mind and he shook his head. “Peter? I don’t understand. You’re–”
“A weak and pathetic little man!” Marlene stood with a growl, her chair crashing to the ground as she shook in anger. “You disabled my landing gear!”
“And tried to get the captain killed.” Kingsley’s voice was quiet but deadly.
Remus felt the celestial shudder under his touch. “Get your filthy and disfigured hands off of me!” Peter grunted and pushed back against his grip with a surprising amount of strength.
“Enough.”
Remus released his hold and stepped back as Commander Black rose from his chair and strode over from around the table to study his crewmate with cool detachment. “Why?” He sounded bored, face impassive as he trailed his gaze up the small and unassuming figure. Inconvenienced by needing to spare a single second for the man. Remus, for a brief moment, had an unforgivable thought that Sirius sounded exactly like his mother.
“I had to!” Peter peered up with wide and frantic eyes that began to fill with fat tears. “You have to believe me. Sirius, we’re old friends! I wouldn’t do something like this if–”
“No.” James cut in harshly. “True friends would die for one another. We’d have died for you.”
Peter began to panic as he finally came to the conclusion that he’d be unable to worm his way out of this, evident by the hard and furious faces of his surrounding crew. “Please! I was threatened!”
“Oh, darling.” There was a musical hum as Sirius withdrew a small dagger from his pocket and whirled it between his fingers. The edge of the blade reflected the flickering lights from the control screen. “You’re being threatened now.”
Peter’s face went blank, his timid act falling away just as quickly as his eyes had filled with crocodile tears. His rigid posture relaxed as he leaned back in the chair. “I respect Riddle more than I fear you.”
Fabian released a snort of disgust. “Respect? What has that man done to ever warrant respect? ”
“Power.” Peter grinned as something disturbing and hungry settled over his features. “He’s more powerful than any of you would ever be. And this mark on my arm means that I’ve been offered a piece of that. Someone finally recognized the value I had and all I had to do was prove myself.”
“By failing to kill me? Lovely job.” Sirius yawned and brushed off his pristine shirt. “Riddle will be proud.”
“Killing you wasn’t the requirement. I was asked to make you disappear. And I had, up until you woke up this morning and decided to go on a suicide mission to rescue your poor little–”
The calm mask that Sirius had worn effortlessly thus far slipped with a violent crash as he slammed his fist on the table top. Peter flinched away as his captain leaned forward, voice pitched dangerously low. “Enough. I don’t have any use for spies on my ship.”
“He might have information.”
“We can’t trust a single word out of his mouth, Kingsley,” Marlene snapped. “Gut him and toss him into one of his soil samples.”
“He might be more inclined to talk after he’s spent several days in sensory deprivation.”
Sirius paled at Kingsley’s suggestion but offered a jerky nod in the Security Officer’s direction in agreement. Receiving confirmation from his captain, Kingsley stepped forward to collect Peter and take him away to his determined fate.
Remus stepped aside to allow the two men to pass, and Peter sent him a disgusted glare before turning back over his shoulder to address the officials in the room. “If only your crew knew what foul things you’ve been getting up to behind closed doors,” Peter spat at Sirius and eyeballed the fresh marks on his neck in disgust. “I doubt they’d be so inclined to follow you to their death.”
Remus’ heart sank into his fucking stomach. How casually his and Sirius’ love was spun into something dark and shameful. Something beautiful used as a weapon, a heavy secret that threatened to ruin the reputation of the captain that so many crew viewed with admiration.
But Sirius failed to react to the threat. The Commander was cold and unfeeling as he curled his upper lip in a sneer. “It’s not a secret. Remus and I are partners,” he announced, steel eyes remaining fixed on the traitor. “We’re tethered. If any of you have a problem with that then you’ll have no place beside me. Remus goes where I go.” His voice was strong and commanding as Sirius turned away to stalk back to his chair. “Please take him away, Kingsley. I’ve looked at that rat long enough.”
There was a pressing silence as the remaining group processed the events. Remus hesitated by the door before taking Kinglsey’s abandoned chair after receiving a gentle gesture from Dorcas.
“Nice work, Remus,” James congratulated quietly. There was an echo of agreement from the other officers, but any feeling of accomplishment was dulled by the impact of betrayal.
“You’re really coming into space with us?” Marlene sounded uncharacteristically timid. Sirius set his jaw and she sank in on herself. “Alright. You know I’ll stand by your side, Captain.”
“Good. Anyone else against my partner accompanying us on our mission? No? Brilliant. Let’s start planning.”
The rest of the meeting went quickly, finalising plans needed to leave the next morning. Aside from a curious look sent his way from Fabian when Sirius mentioned that Remus would be sleeping in the captain’s chambers, the crew was supportive as requested. The crew disbanded with their individual orders and Remus stood up with a stretch and a solid neck crack, ready to tackle his own business. He just needed to figure out how to break the news to his parents that he was leaving them for the stars.
“Do what you need to do, darling.” A slender arm wrapped around his waist and Remus buried his face in familiar ebony hair. “We’ll be here waiting for you.” Sirius pulled back and smiled up at him with a playful glint in his eyes. “And I’m looking forward to seeing you in that space suit.”
Remus laughed and planted a kiss on the ridiculous man’s forehead. “I’ll go speak to my parents. And then let McGonagall know. I’ll save Lils for last, she’ll be a bit tough to say goodbye to.”
“It won’t be forever,” Sirius reassured gently. “I’m just taking you on a bit of an adventure.”
“Aye.” He couldn’t stop grinning. His body thrummed with the thrill of freedom, the same feeling he received leaving the colony walls magnified a million times over.
A tender kiss was placed against the scar against his lip, lingering slightly, before Sirius pulled away with a resigned sigh. “I guess I’ll go be a captain.”
“Mhm. Go be Commander Black. And my star.”
Remus left the bridge with Sirius’ warm smile still echoing in his mind. He ventured through the confusing maze of the Patronus, vowing that he’d learn the complex inner workings of the ship before too long, and spotted Marlene’s figure ascending a ladder from the engineering room.
“Heading back to the colony?”
“Yup. Need to pack and say my goodbyes.” She accompanied him on the trek back to the hangar, offered some playful banter when he took a wrong turn, and rambled on about life in space with vivid detail.
“You’ll get your own uniform, of course. And we’ll have to teach you how to navigate in zero gravity. For the most part we’ll have artificial grav onboard, but it’s important you know how to move around in case it goes out. Oh, and we have to take you on a spacewalk! Get you really close to the stars.” Marlene flashed a wicked grin that was more threatening than reassuring.
“Sounds…feckin’ insane.”
She snorted. “Says the man who survived an animal attack. Too scared?”
“Terrified.” He grinned back. “Let’s do it.”
Marlene released a loud burst of laughter as they descended the ramp to the grassy earth outside the ship. “I knew I liked you for a reason.”
They paused next to his rover and Remus raised an eyebrow in question as the celestial hesitated instead of heading back onboard. “Need somethin’?”
“Ah.” Marlene furrowed her brow and glanced down at her feet. “I just wanted to let you know that I do support you both. You and Sirius. I was surprised but I can tell you genuinely care for one another.”
“Ta, Marls. Thanks for sayin’ that.” She smiled gently but still appeared troubled, shifting uncomfortably on the rocky path. “Anything’ else on your mind?”
“Are same-sex relationships normal? Here?” The words burst out quickly before she clamped her mouth shut with an audible snap of her jaw.
Ah.
“It isn’t really a question of being normal or not. Ya just like who ya like. There’s no right or wrong about it, eh?”
“Maybe for people on Earth. But in space it's wrong.”
“Well,” Remus offered gently. “Maybe that's what you were taught. But it also sounds like you weren't given the option to consider somethin’ different.”
Marlene narrowed her eyes in thought and Remus didn’t miss how her gaze flickered back to the Patronus. Her expression was confused and wistful for a private second but quickly transformed back into grim resignation.
“You might be right. But just know that your relationship won’t be something easily accepted where we’re going. The crew will ask questions, a good majority will likely change the way they view their captain because of it. I’m not saying that it’s right for them to judge,” she added kindly. “I’m just preparing you for the reality of what will happen. But I meant what I said. You won’t hear anything but support coming from me.”
They parted ways with a promise to see one another in the morning, and Remus climbed into the driver’s seat with a heavy and contrasting weight of excitement and despair.
The repeated show of support was reassuring but Remus was distracted. Marlene’s warning only echoed the earlier statement left by Peter. That a good portion of the celestials on board the Patronus would view their relationship with various levels of disbelief and disgust. And Commander Black needed a united crew as they journeyed into the depths of enemy territory. But his star also needed his partner, someone to offer support and comfort in the safety of the Captain’s Chambers. Someone to hold him when the stressors became too much.
He would be that person for Sirius. Always.
The rover rolled to a stop outside the Lupin residence and he paused for a moment, taking in the sights of the farm. The crooked fences he spent many summers repairing with his dad, the large oak tree in the garden behind the cabin with the perfect nook for reading. The large bay window that opened up into the yard and carried the delicious scent of whatever Hope was crafting in the kitchen. He’d always longed for adventure outside the colony walls, but Remus would always feel a strong sense of comfort and gratitude for the place he called home.
He trudged up the familiar dirt path to the house, gave a tap to the low hanging beam over the entryway, and let himself in through the unlocked door. A lump formed in his throat as he paused in the entryway with the realisation that he may have entered his childhood home for the last time.
“Remus? If I’d known you were stoppin’ by I would’ve put the kettle on! Was the chalet alri’? Did Sirius like it?” His arms were suddenly filled with soft warmth and he pressed an automatic kiss to the top of his mum’s head, breathing in the scent of fresh soil and chamomile. Hope pulled away from the hug and looked around with a frown. “Where is that charmin’ boy of yours? Dun tell me you left him outside.”
“The chalet was great, ma. He really loved it.” Remus peered over Hope’s curious gaze, searching the living room for signs of a gruff old man. “I wanted to talk with you and da about somethin’. Is he here?”
His ma sucked in a sharp breath and Remus looked back down at her in confusion. Hope’s eyes were lit up and wrinkling at the corners as she bit back a smile. “I’ll go get him. He’s dealin’ with the chickens out back. You sit down!” He was ushered to the couch, pushed down with a shove, and his mum ran to the side door to breathlessly beckon Lyall back indoors.
Remus wiped his palms anxiously against his pants and eyed his parents warily as Hope hurried back into the living room with her husband following closely behind, grunting as he stamped mud off his boots.
“What’s so important that I need’ta come runnin’ inside?”
“Remus wanted to talk to us. Isn’t that right, cariad? Oh! Let me get that cuppa goin’.”
“Ma, please.” She froze, stuck halfway between sitting and standing, before she slowly lowered herself back into her seat. Both Lupin’s stared at him expectantly, Lyall slightly disgruntled (likely still thinking about the feckin’ chickens) and Hope with barely concealed excitement. Remus cleared his throat and gave another swipe of his sweaty hands. It wouldn’t be too late to slip out of the room with the excuse for a glass of water and sneak out the side door. He could call out an explanation to his parents from the open window of his rover as he drove away... For fucksake.
“I’m leavin’.”
“Leavin’?” His mum deflated back into the cushions with a crestfallen frown. “To the chalet?”
“Nuh. To space.”
Lyall was no longer thinking about chickens. “Eh? Whaddya mean space? ”
“Sirius and his crew need to travel to another solar system. His younger brother is in trouble and I agreed to go with ‘im.”
Remus had never seen his parents shocked so thoroughly into silence. He easily picked up on the quiet groans of the old wood creaking in the cabin, the repetitive drips of the leaky tap in the kitchen. If he strained his ears he was fairly sure he would hear the sounds of their distant cattle grazing in the paddock.
“Remus! You cannae decide to drop your entire life to go adventurin’ in–”
“He’s a grown man.”
“Lyall, ” Hope chidded sharply.
“The lad can make a decision for himself. And I doubt he’s lookin’ for our permission.”
His mum stared at her husband in disbelief before fixing wide and pleading eyes his way. Remus nodded once, confirming his dad’s statement, and Hope crumpled in on herself in defeat.
“When do you leave?”
“Tomorrow.”
“For how long?”
“I dunno. However long it takes, I suppose.”
“Well.” Hope sniffled and wiped her freshly tear-stained cheeks. “I thought this conversation was goin’ in a different direction, but I reckon you should still take this with you.” She stood up and shuffled over to one of the many shelves filled with family trinkets to remove a small and nondescript cloth pouch tucked away behind a picture frame.
Instead of reclaiming her abandoned seat, Hope joined him on the couch and offered the mysterious item with a watery smile. Remus cocked his head, curiosity piqued, and dumped the contents of the pouch into his open palm.
Oh. His mum was no longer the only person in the room with tear-stained cheeks. Remus carefully held up the delicate band to study the interweaving branches engraved across the surface. It was beautiful.
“Clogau gold. It was your grandmam’s wedding ring.”
“I cannae take this.”
“Dun be an idiot,” Lyall huffed. “It was always gonna be yours. Not sayin’ that you need to shove it on your boy’s finger but at least take the damn thing.”
Well, alright then. Remus slid the ring back into the pouch and tucked it safely away in his pocket, hyper-aware of the added weight despite the small size.
He allowed himself a few hours to be selfish and indulge in his parents’ company. His parents eagerly embraced the time and Hope whipped up his favourite lunch with a steaming cuppa. In a way it felt like every other meal, with Lyall’s gruff banter and his mum’s playful chiding. But there was also a sense of finality, felt in the weighted pauses between words, in the repeated brush of Hope’s hand on his shoulder, the slight downturn of his dad’s smile.
“Stop by in the mornin’ before you leave,” his mum pleaded. “Bring Sirius with you.”
“Hmph,” Lyall agreed with a huff. “I need to talk to that boy ‘bout keeping’ you safe in that metal deathtrap of his.”
“Alri’, I can do that.” Remus offered his parents a final hug and walked back to the rover with a warm heart and wet eyes.
The colony centre was a fucking mess.
Colony members were buzzing around at a frenetic pace, and Remus baulked at the lingering signs of war littered throughout the quad as he trailed along the gravel path to the council hall, passing remnants of medical supplies used in a frantic fight for survival. It felt like a lifetime ago that they were marching to battle. But in reality it had been less than 48 hours, a realisation that was both shocking and sobering. They still had so many wounded to heal, stretches of destroyed walls to repair.
Dead to bury.
He stepped aside to allow the Lead Builder and several preoccupied apprentices pass by on their way out the doors and entered the council hall to witness Minerva McGonagall dishevelled for the first time in his life. Her usual sleek bun was coming apart with wild strands standing out from her head, her wool cloak wrinkled and tucked in haphazardly against her side. The frazzled Head Counsellor caught sight of him standing in the entryway and a significant amount of tension left her shoulders with a weary sigh.
“Remus, thank Christ, ” she exclaimed. “Shut the door and get in here. Alastor! I found your missin’ Watcher.”
He followed orders as directed and shuffled in to join Minerva as Mad Eye stamped into the main room with a loud grumble. “Where the hell have you been, boy? Now’s not the time to go disappearin’ with that celestial of yours,” he barked. “We got work to do.”
“Erm.” Remus shifted awkwardly. It certainly wasn’t how he was hoping to break the news about his upcoming space adventure. However any further commentary was paused as the Senior Watcher reached out a haggard hand to tug painfully at Remus’ newly healed arm.
“They’ve turned ya into a feckin’ robot?”
Remus scowled and batted away the old man’s curious prodding. “Not a robot, eh? It’s an ExoSkel.”
Mad Eye grunted and rubbed at his own metal thigh self-consciously. “We just heard from Kingsley and Potter. Tough the celestials are leavin’ tomorrow, we could’ve used ‘em for relocating the southerners.”
“Not an ideal situation,” Minerva agreed tiredly. “But we’ll have to make it work. The most pressing matter is to find a new location for the southerners. The sooner we get them moved, the easier it will be on all of us. We simply dun have enough resources to support the additional people and it’ll be a harsh winter this year.”
“The Watch will go out scoutin’ for a settlement site,” Mad Eye interjected. “I want you to load up a rover and take one of the Pack with ya to the East. It’ll be a long trip so make sure to bring enough supplies.”
Guilt threatened to drown him. It was supposed to be a harsh fucking winter. Seasons on Earth were often extreme and required constant vigilance, something Mad Eye had drilled into all of the colony members countless times. Winter required year long preparation and even then it wasn’t uncommon to lose people from hunger and illness. There was no realistic way for them to support an entire population of people from a displaced colony. The southerners needed a new home quickly.
Fuck.
“I’m leavin’ on the Patronus tomorrow mornin’.” The pair of elder leaders stared at him blankly. Remus averted his gaze and tugged uncomfortably at a loose thread on his sweater sleeve. “ ‘s why I came here. To let you both know.”
“Reckon it’ll be more comfortable up in space,” Mad Eye said curtly. “No need to worry about fightin’ to survive.”
“Alastor!” Minerva sat back against the table, completely aghast. “I’ll admit I wasn’t expectin’ to hear that you’re leaving us, but of course you’re free to go.”
“Anythin’ I can do to help before I leave?” he offered weakly.
“Nuh.” Minerva granted him a thin smile. “Focus on what you need to do. We’ll manage.”
Remus grimaced but nodded, turning to head out the door, but a quiet addition from Mad Eyed caused him to linger for a moment longer.
“Stay safe, lad. We’ll need you to come back and step in as Lead Watcher someday.”
Stepping outside the council hall took an immense amount of effort, as if every part of his body demanded he stay inside. It was painful, going against the fierce draw to help the colony, bred from birth and reinforced over endless years. But he walked through the door anyway.
The last person Remus was expecting to see in the centre of the colony quad was James Potter. The celestial had an apologetic frown and a palm raised in concern as his red haired companion gave him a swift shove in the shoulders. Remus sighed and ran an anxious hand through his curls and started off to join the bickering pair, partially wondering if he might have to protect James from the wrath of his best friend.
“Alri’, mush?” he called out in question. Both heads snapped his way and James offered a weak wave in greeting.
“Just saying my goodbyes,” he explained with a sad smile. Lily let out a loud scoff. The celestial grimaced and sent Remus a helpless look. “I should head back to the ship. I’m sure Padfoot has things he’s needing help with on board.”
“I’m sure he does,” Lily snapped. “Go on, then.”
James Potter deflated, a victim of Lily Evan’s fierce and passionate protectiveness, and spun around to join Kingsley in the waiting celestial vehicle. “See you soon, Remus.”
“Aye.” He watched the retreating form and swivelled to fix his furious friend with a reprimanding glare. “Watcha have to be rude for? James is one of the nicest lads I’ve met. And I know ya like him.”
Lily released a frustrated growl and impatiently wiped her tear-filled eyes. “Rude? That’s the least I should do! I cannae believe those idiots, leavin’ after Sirius promised he’d stay with you…”
“Lils. It’s alrigh’.”
She huffed in disbelief. “If I see that feckin’ celestial waltzing around here he’ll wish he’d already left for the stars.”
Remus sighed and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Come to the barracks with me, eh? Reckon we should have a chat.” He dragged his spitfire friend along with him to his room and guided her to a seat on his mattress.
“How are you so calm?” she cried out. “They just decided to leave out of fuckin’ nowhere—“
“I’m calm ‘cuz Sirius asked me to come with.”
That shut Lily up quickly. She gaped and waved her hands incredulously as he pulled a rucksack out from his wardrobe and tossed it onto the bed. “What?”
“You heard me. I’m goin’ into space.” He frowned at his empty bag and looked over at his dresser. “What the fuck am I supposed to pack? Reckon I’ll need a sweater?”
“A sweater?” Lily echoed weakly. Her eyes followed his path across the room as he began to rummage through his drawers. “In space?”
“Mhm. Might be cold, eh?”
“Erm.” She blinked and shook her head. “Reckon it might be.” Remus nodded thoughtfully and brought a collection of his favourite clothes over and began to shove them into his pack. “Did—did Sirius tell you what you’d need?”
“Nuh.” He shrugged. “They’re crafting a space suit for me, but he didn’t mention what else to bring.”
“What’s the space suit for?”
“Dunno. Somethin’ to wear in space?” He reached under his bed and pulled out several shoes and considered the options, only to have his attention pulled away when Lily made an indecipherable sound. “What?”
“Rem. Are you sure this is a good idea?” Remus made a noncommittal grunt and shoved some boots into his rucksack, leading Lily to land a solid whack on his shoulder. “I’m not tryin’ to argue! Just…” She sighed, her forehead pinched in concern. “Sirius is rather impulsive if you haven’t noticed. He’s the type of lad to jump head first and figure out problems along the way. Sure, he’s feckin’ brilliant. But I’m worried you both haven’t thought this through completely. If at all, ” she added under her breath.
“I’ll do anythin’ for him, Lils.”
“Aye. That’s what worries me. You might do anythin’ for Sirius, but he would also do anythin’ for you. I think you both go a bit blind when the other person is involved.”
“I’m not goin’ in blind,” he snapped. “I’ve thought about it. And they’ve told me what I need to know. I reckon I’ll learn more on the way.”
“The way where?”
“Fuck, Lils! Some solar system, Porma or somethin’? To refuel the ship and go undercover with transmissions...” He scowled and offered a defensive shrug. “Doesn’t matter. They know what to do and I’ll just be there to support Sirius while we look for his brother.”
“You’ll be stayin’ on the Patronus the whole time?”
“Suppose so. Not sure if I’ll have to leave the ship at all.”
“For how long?”
“Dunno.” Remus paused his packing. “Not sure if the crew is supposed to leave when they land. But they were all really confident that this was somethin’ they can do, going undercover. And,” he acknowledged, “I reckon I could hide somewhere on the ship if needed. Or maybe do something to cover my scars.”
Remus and Lily both looked doubtfully at his tan and sun-spotted skin decorated in silvery lines. “Might be a good idea,” his friend agreed quietly. “You’ll stand out.”
He would stand out. Not just his physical appearance, which was shockingly different from the celestials, but also his lack of knowledge related to anything space.
Lily Evans decided to enact on her annoying habit of reading his mind. “You’ll need help. Being surrounded by so many new things and places. I know you struggle askin’ for help but you’ll have to while you’re in the stars.”
“Aye.” Remus sat on the bed and buried his face in his hands. It was fucking overwhelming realising how little he knew. He didn’t doubt that he’d be able to pick things up along the way, but how much time and energy could the crew realistically expend to teach him? It was a horrible thought, being a burden. “I want to go.”
Christ, he wanted to. There was a deep part of himself, something animalistic, that longed to run, to howl, to be free. To be removed for once in his life from any demands or expectations. Only that was the ideal, not the reality. The reality was that regardless of where he ran, expectations and demands would surely follow, coupled with the guilt and inevitable horror when the consequences of avoidance eventually caught up with him.
He could leave. He could venture into the stars, abandoning the colony during a difficult time with a quickly approaching winter. And he could return home, with Sirius in tow, only to find that nothing was left waiting for them on Earth. Remus lifted his head and glanced around his room, desperately taking in the familiar sights, eyes lingering on the quilt painstakingly made by his mum, the half packed bag abandoned on the bed.
He couldn’t fucking breathe. A calloused hand settled reassuringly against the back of his neck and he sucked in a strangled lungful of air. His chest felt heavy. “I can’t lose Sirius. I just found him.”
“Oh, Rem.” Lily sniffled and buried her face against his shoulder.
“I dun think I can go,” he admitted in a whisper.
“You could,” Lily argued feebly. “The last thing I want is for you to be hurt.”
Remus sighed, feeling the pressure on his chest lessen, only to have it replaced with something much sharper. “I told you it was always going to be painful, Lils.”
Remus rolled up next to the Patronus feeling like an absolute shit of a human being.
The feeling intensified when Sirius bounded down the ramp–signalled by the sound of his rover– and ran toward him with a radiant smile, launching himself into Remus’ arms with a loud bark of delighted laughter. Remus held him tightly and felt his heart shatter into pieces once his partner noticed his lack of belongings. Any brightness from his expression faded and Sirius pulled away from the embrace with a stoic observation.
“You aren’t coming.”
It wasn’t spoken as a question but Remus answered anyway, figuring it was the least he could do. “I’m sorry. I dun belong in the stars, cariad.”
“You belong with me.” Oh, Sirius was angry. The celestial set his jaw and squared his shoulders, fierce and powerful. Remus was reminded of the first time he saw the man, left stunned by his otherworldly beauty.
“Aye. I do. Always. That won’t change, no matter how far apart we are.”
The stoic mask crumbled as Sirius released a pained noise, no longer hiding the devastation as it tore across his face, cracking his voice into something vulnerable and questioning. “You don’t want to come?”
Remus laughed, knowing it was either that or succumb to heaving sobs. “Idiot. Of course I fuckin’ want to. But you need your focus on somethin’ else right now. You need your crew by your side to get your brother somewhere safe. And there’s a lot of work left to do here for the colony. I’ve never seen Minerva so stressed…”
Sirius nodded stiffly and looked away, tears silently streaming down his cheeks. Remus reached a scarred hand out to cup the porcelain face in his palm and brushed the tears away with his thumb, lingering over the faint freckles scattered across the skin like stars.
“I want to come,” he repeated softly. “To escape into the sky with you would be a dream.”
“But we aren’t dreaming,” Sirius acknowledged. They both went silent for a moment, two men faced with grim reality, feeling far too much heartache. But there was still a dream they could hold onto, something that breathed hope and promise.
An anchor.
“We’re tethered.” Remus blurted it too loudly, unable to hear over the thud of his racing heart. He sucked in a grounding breath and tried again, calmer. “You and me. The same stardust findin’ home, eh? Well, on Earth we have a tradition…erm. Givin’ someone a ring means a commitment for eternity, or some shit.” Christ, he felt ridiculous.
Sirius raised an elegant eyebrow and cocked his head, eyelashes still wet with tears. “Oh?”
Remus felt his face flush as he fumbled to pull the pouch from his pocket under Sirius’ inquisitive stare. Wordlessly he held up the ring, the band glinting in the rising sun, and watched as his partner’s face transformed into something achingly soft.
“Oh, ” Sirius repeated breathlessly.
“I dun want ya to feel pressured, but—”
“Yes.”
Remus blinked. “It’s a promise,” he explained slowly, needing to be sure that the meaning was clearly understood. “A symbol–”
“A bloody symbol of commitment! Merlin, Remus, if you don’t give me that ring right now, I swear–”
He choked back a laugh (or was it a sob?) and reached out for Sirius’ hand to slide the band over one of his slender fingers. It caught slightly against a knuckle before finding home, snug and secure, shining gold against silver skin. Remus pressed his lips against the cool metal before reaching up to lift Sirius’ chin to capture his mouth in a lingering kiss. He drew back, just far enough to watch as his partner oscillated between radiant joy and conflicting despair.
“Why won’t you ask me to stay on Earth?” he begged.
Remus drew in a shaky breath. “Because I’m afraid that if I asked, you would. You’d stay here and a part of you would always resent me for that. I cannae…I’m not going to ask you to choose between me and your brother.”
It was something he would never do.
Sirius sighed deeply, accepting his words for what they were, and released their tightly clasped hands. He unclipped a translucent tag hanging from the breastplate of his armour and held it out in offering. The surface of the tag glittered in the light as Remus tilted it in his palm, highlighting words engraved in iridescent font.
Commander Sirius Orion Black III
Captain of Research Vessel SS Patronus
“Won’t you need this?”
Sirius smiled sadly and shook his head. “I’ll be undercover, darling. Keep my name safe for me?”
Fucksake. Remus nodded and finally gave in to the flood of tears, swallowing back a hitching sob. Sirius made a soothing sound and held his face in his hands, peering up at him with a worried pinch to his brow. “Please don’t cry,” he pleaded. “I only just managed to stop.”
“It’s your fault,” Remus gasped with a failed attempt at a huff. “Bein’ feckin’ romantic. Christ.”
“I learned from the best.” Sirius glared in mock indignation but the threatening look was ruined by misty eyes. “You better have the chalet ready for me. I want a big bed. And remember, no chickens.”
“Aye, I remember. And a shed for James.”
Sirius laughed and they pressed their foreheads together, both men reluctant to let go, existing together for a few more stolen seconds. Eventually they pulled apart and Remus looked down, committing the face staring back at him to memory.
Silver eyes peered back and flashed steel with determination. “I’ll be back.”
“I know.”
He knew Sirius Black.
Notes:
Not gonna lie, I cried writing this.
These boys have such a large spot in my heart and I'm so grateful I was able to bring them to life in a new way. Hard to believe that this started as a daydream of Sirius and Remus under the stars and turned into an entire world.
First fic finished. Small epilogue will have a lil closure for those who need it, posting it Friday. (me, i need it)
Chapter 30: Six Months Later
Summary:
Epilogue
Chapter Text
Six months later
Remus grunted with considerable effort as he shoved a mattress upstairs and nestled it against a newly constructed bed frame. It was excessive, larger than any typical bed found in the colony. It took up the entire back wall of the loft, but he’d been given a very specific request and Remus followed through on his promises.
Unfortunately follow through had been rather slow going. Winter had been rough—as anticipated— which meant work on the chalet had been delayed by raging ice storms and the general struggle of trying to make ends meet. Before the Patronus had left Sirius had insisted that the colony take all the provisions they currently had onboard the ship. The captain had put up a decent argument, citing that the crew could easily stock up once they left the Earth’s solar system, and accurately highlighted that the colony would need any additional food they could get while trying to support the southerners.
The extra supplies left by the celestials had been a saving grace. They had eventually found a decent location for the displaced southerners along the western coastline that provided a good foundation for a settlement. But travelling hundreds of kilometres, clearing out rough terrain, and educating others how to build a colony from the ground up with filtration systems and solar power took an immense amount of effort. They were exhausted.
Yet Remus found that spending any extra energy reserves on the chalet was worth it.
He made up the bed with several down pillows and a thick quilt, crafted by the one and only Hope Lupin, and smiled softly to himself. It was easy, effortless , to imagine his partner buried under the blankets and releasing quiet snores. Remus turned away from the scene, ignoring the dull and familiar ache in his chest, and lumbered down the sturdy staircase to fetch a glass of water from the kitchen. The snow had finally melted and he peered out the window over the sink, grinning at the small shed positioned next to the plot of land soon to be a garden. Not one chicken in sight.
The interior was completed, the wood floors soft and sanded, the chimney stones meticulously replaced by hand. Remus had opted not to paint the walls in case a highly opinionated celestial found whatever colour he chose to be an unforgivable crime. The only thing needed indoors were the curtains that his mum should be close to finishing.
Remus made the quick trip to the Lupin cabin down the gravel road and let himself inside. “Ma, I need those curtains,” he called out in greeting. He stamped his boots clean of mud in the entryway and peeked around the corner to spy Hope nestled in her favourite armchair with a fresh pot of tea.
“Finished ‘em a few days ago,” she acknowledged over a steaming mug. “Why the rush?”
He shrugged and collapsed back on the couch with a groan. Christ, he was tired. “Reckon I might move in there. It’s almost finished.” Remus dug into the sore muscles in his shoulder, thankful for the extra strength his reinforced arm provided, and gave his neck a solid crack. If Lily was there the healer would kindly tell him that he was overexerting himself.
“I worry about ya spendin’ all that time in the chalet alone.”
“I won’t be alone forever.” He ignored the pitying look that was sent his way and reached out to help himself to his own cuppa.
He was used to ignoring such things. It didn’t matter what the colony members whispered behind his back when they thought he wasn’t listening. Sure, maybe he kept himself busy every waking hour of the day, but he had shit to do, didn’t he? They all did. Folks could mind their own fucking business, thanks.
Remus leaned back against the soft cushions and raised his tea to take a much needed sip, only to huff in annoyance when his walkie gave a distinct crack.
“Mad-Eye to Lupin. Need ya to go outside the walls.”
“For fucksake!” He picked up the radio and fired back a gruff response. “A lad cannae have a cup of tea with his ma?”
“Choke it down and get out there, ” the senior Watcher barked. “Satellite pinged, possible crash just outside the far gates to the East.”
Their ancient satellite had been much more active without the blocker preventing signals from space. No time for rest. Remus sighed and regretfully set his mug down on the coffee table. “Fine. Leavin’ now.”
“Good lad. Dun forget to hunt for scav.”
Remus rolled his eyes at the unnecessary reminder and struggled to his feet. Hope frowned, clearly uncomfortable with her son leaving the colony with such short notice, but she wished him a safe trip and walked him to the door with a warm hug in parting. Leaving the colony had become part of the norm over the last six months and his parents had finally come to terms with the demands his role required.
In his opinion it was about fucking time.
Remus hefted himself up into the rover and gave the tag dangling from his rearview mirror a gentle tap that sent it swinging. A piece of a star keeping him company. Sunlight caught the translucent square and created opalescent shimmers that danced across the vehicle's surface as he drove the long distance to the outer colony walls.
There was something incredibly satisfying about the towering barricade that came into view as he neared the gate. The damaged walls had been repaired painstakingly by the people there on Earth and now stood as an irrefutable symbol of their resilience and will to thrive against all odds. Blood, sweat, and tears.
Remus steered the rover to the left along a familiar winding path through the barren trees and signs of a stubborn winter still clinging to the landscape. He glanced at the sky searching for a smoke trail and squinted when he noticed a small speck in the distance. It hardly looked like a plummeting shuttle or satellite.
“What the feck,” he breathed. The dull ache in his chest was quickly replaced with an intense swell of emotion that threatened to choke him. To feel hope was dangerous but from a distance the speck, growing rapidly in size, looked awfully familiar.
He screeched to a stop in the middle of the road, eyes still trained on the sky, and fumbled for the radio on his belt. “Roman to Mad-Eye. We got an incomin’ ship. Looks to be human-made?” His voice and hands trembled.
“Aye. Go get your celestial, lad.”
Remus dropped the radio and released a weak laugh as he shifted back into gear. How fucking dramatic , appearing out of nowhere without any warning after months of extended silence. But he could hardly be upset. Of course Sirius Black would need to make a grand entrance.
A loud roar started to build, pressing against his ears, and the hair on his arms stood up as a buzz of static filled the air around him. He guided the rover through a clearing of trees just in time to watch as the ship edged down to a gentle landing with a loud hiss of steam. The sleek surface shone a vibrant silver in the sunlight, though the hull was covered with a series of blackened marks, several panels replaced in various colours. The vessel was in rougher shape than the last time she’d been on Earth.
But it was unmistakable.
Remus stumbled out of the driver's side door to the dirt as a platform descended from the back of the ship. A figure strolled down the ramp with a relaxed bounce to their step and crossed their arms in mock disappointment.
“Oi, you’re not going to come rushing to my rescue? I thought you were supposed to be my dashing hero.”
“You’re an idiot,” Remus called out in return.
Sirius let out a loud bark of laughter that echoed through the clearing. Christ, it sounded better than Remus could ever imagine. His chest gave a sharp pull and suddenly he was running.
“Idiot,” he repeated with a gasp and then his arms were full. Sirius wrapped around him completely, hanging off him in a death grip with his legs tightly wrapped around Remus’ waist. He buried his face in ebony hair and breathed in the scent of starlight.
“Hello, darling.” The confident mask that Sirius wore so effortlessly faded away into vulnerable softness as he whispered the private greeting against his neck. “I told you I’d be back.”
“I know.”
Their lips crashed together, more clashing teeth and warm breaths than a true kiss, pure perfection in its raw desperation. Remus pulled back slightly and Sirius whined in denial and clutched him tighter. “I wanna look at ya,” he laughed.
He needed to look at the man from the stars and remind himself that this was real . Silver eyes peered back, crinkled at the corners from a blinding smile. The faint freckles on porcelain skin had disappeared and a new scar ran through the celestial’s eyebrow and down his cheek.
“I thought I’d keep it,” Sirius explained with a shrug when he noticed Remus’ eyes tracking the mark. “Reminded me of someone.”
“Mad-Eye?”
Sirius snorted and placed a slender hand against his cheek to stroke the similar scar along Remus’ tanned skin. He turned to press a kiss against the cool metal band still securely nestled on the celestial’s finger.
“You’re harbouring a fugitive, you know.”
“Eh?” He continued to press delicate kisses along his partner’s hand and wrist, pleased when he heard Sirius’ breath hitch and stumble over his words at the touch.
“We’ve defected. We’re now officially enemies of the Empire.”
Remus hummed thoughtfully, threaded his fingers through silky ebony hair, and gave a playful pull. Sirius’ hair had gotten longer and hung well past his shoulders. “Sounds dangerous. Is your brother safe?”
“Yes and no. He’s not with us, but he’s on our side. The bastard decided we needed someone on the inside to help.”
“To help with what?”
Sirius Black flashed a wicked smirk. “The Resistance, of course.” Some of the excitement and hope thrumming in his veins diminished. It sounded like the celestials still had work to be done. But Sirius carried on with a flippant wave of his hand. “Every resistance needs a headquarters. We thought, ‘if only we had a planet somewhere, away from the Empire’s control. That’d be convenient.'”
Oh.
“What do you say, darling? Think Earth has room for a bunch of rebels?”
Remus felt his mouth break out into an uncontrollable grin. “Aye, Starboy. Think we might.”
Notes:
This story comes to an end. Glad I could offer a little closure with the epilogue.
(My brain: huh you set it up for a sequel. Me to my brain: hush we've suffered enough)
Thank you so much for all the support! This was my first fic and I can't believe what it turned into. I love seeing how my writing progressed during the story and I feel so much more confident in my writing abilities.
If you'd like to check out more of my work, I'm writing a SlytherinSirius fic!
Also thinking about starting a wolfstar pirate AU or Western AUMuch love to you all <3
Pages Navigation
dumbledores_army on Chapter 1 Sun 15 Jan 2023 03:17PM UTC
Comment Actions
EmRoseJori on Chapter 1 Sat 06 May 2023 12:03AM UTC
Comment Actions
Orange_Coyote on Chapter 1 Fri 27 Jan 2023 05:50AM UTC
Last Edited Fri 27 Jan 2023 05:50AM UTC
Comment Actions
EmRoseJori on Chapter 1 Sun 29 Jan 2023 09:04AM UTC
Comment Actions
Percy scott (Guest) on Chapter 1 Wed 15 Nov 2023 08:08AM UTC
Comment Actions
redtta on Chapter 1 Fri 08 Mar 2024 10:37PM UTC
Comment Actions
thewaywardsons on Chapter 1 Tue 04 Jun 2024 04:07AM UTC
Last Edited Tue 04 Jun 2024 04:08AM UTC
Comment Actions
moonylini on Chapter 1 Wed 27 Nov 2024 07:15PM UTC
Comment Actions
thekneeoforion on Chapter 1 Tue 03 Dec 2024 08:40PM UTC
Comment Actions
PrancingPony42 on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Dec 2024 12:15AM UTC
Comment Actions
upinthepine on Chapter 1 Wed 08 Jan 2025 08:42PM UTC
Comment Actions
nananothing on Chapter 1 Sun 23 Feb 2025 02:14AM UTC
Comment Actions
rrosamariaa on Chapter 1 Sun 23 Feb 2025 12:37PM UTC
Comment Actions
SquintClover on Chapter 1 Mon 31 Mar 2025 05:28PM UTC
Comment Actions
dunno9617 on Chapter 1 Thu 22 May 2025 11:45PM UTC
Comment Actions
AppleMoesss on Chapter 1 Mon 09 Jun 2025 12:46AM UTC
Comment Actions
wonwonie on Chapter 1 Sun 15 Jun 2025 12:37AM UTC
Comment Actions
oddspaghetti on Chapter 1 Sun 22 Jun 2025 02:04PM UTC
Comment Actions
seagull_in_the_sunset on Chapter 1 Mon 30 Jun 2025 06:16AM UTC
Comment Actions
ElgatoColocolo on Chapter 1 Tue 15 Jul 2025 05:08PM UTC
Comment Actions
Sax246 on Chapter 1 Mon 04 Aug 2025 05:35PM UTC
Comment Actions
Orange_Coyote on Chapter 2 Fri 27 Jan 2023 05:59AM UTC
Comment Actions
Pages Navigation