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All of your life, you’ve been accustomed to failure. You were always unlucky, unfortunate, unsuccessful.
It starts when you are little. You fail a test. You forget your lines in a school play. You trip during the sports festival. Your childhood, as you remember, was full of “sorry”, “sorry”, “I’m sorry”.
You can vividly remember the way others would go silent, in a sort of pity. Like you did something wrong, but no one could bring themselves to tell you. You know now they were just kids like you. You know now how to deal with failure.
When you fail your first ever idol audition, it stings. It really does. But you don’t falter. So you fail for a second time. A third. A fourth. A fifth. You get used to failing; you were already used to failing. The difference is you don’t cry, or lie that you're sick to avoid things; not anymore. Instead, you choose face failure head on. Again, and again. And for a not so lucky someone who lives in a world of failure, that difference makes everything.
It takes one idol’s words on TV to change your life. Most people would say it’s some cheesy words and nothing more, but to you, those words meant—and still mean—everything. You hadn’t even thought of the idea of a “better tomorrow” until you found Haruka Kiritani.
Then, before you knew it, she found you.
-
When Haruka quit being an idol, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t shed any tears. However! She is her own person, who is free to make her own decisions. You knew this well enough, even then, and respected her quitting. You continued your life keeping her words close to your heart, never letting go. You never loved her any less.
Though, as fate may have it, Haruka came crashing into your life all over again. Becoming friends with her was like getting to know the Haruka Kiritani all over again. It’s funny; you already knew so much about her from before. (Airi finds it kind of scary), but there’s a whole layer underneath an idol persona. You always knew, deep down.
Your first meeting with Haruka was very, very embarrassing. You’re honestly surprised you didn’t just drop dead at the sight of her. (But currently, you'd say that there’s nothing about it you regret.)
In the beginning, she felt like the same Haruka you always knew. Though, now that you’re together with her, you realize how different her true self is. It’s the way Haruka’s face lights up at penguins, or how she holds your hand gently, or the look in her eyes when she’s passionate. Those are the things that made you fall in love with her all over again.
As much as you worship her cute idol smile, or charismatic presence on stage…nothing will ever beat Haruka Kiritani, student of Miyamasuzaka Girls Academy, who has a bit of a penguin obsession. You love all sides of her, and maybe go a little overboard sometimes. Just sometimes!
(Haruka doesn’t mind it. And being her girlfriend, you’ve learned to tone things down a tiny bit.)
(Airi, on the other hand, teases you a little, but oh well.)
“You know, Minori…” Haruka fidgets with her penguin keychain—the new one that you, Airi, and Shizuku bought for her birthday. “Our couple’s anniversary isn’t so far off. Was there anything that you wanted to do?”
“Really?? I totally didn’t realize… I don’t have any plans or anything though, so maybe we could come up with something together?”
She chuckles, and it’s so much more different from when you used to watch her interviews or live shows. “Well, I guess I do have something I’ve been wanting to try for a bit now.”
“Eh, what is it?”
-
“Ouf!”
Your butt hits the cold ice ground for what feels like the millionth time.
“Careful, Minori… Don’t want you getting hurt. Maybe we should’ve chosen something else?”
“N- No! I can do this! Just…give me a second.” With the help of Haruka, you make it back to a standing position. “Ahh, I don’t know why I’m so bad at ice skating. You make it look so easy!”
“Well, everyone has different strengths, Minori. That’s how it goes. I’m sure you’ll get better with practice.” She stops to think for a second, then lets out a small laugh. “That’s always been your strong suit, hasn’t it, Minori?”
“You’re right! Good things come with good practice!! I can do this!”
Two hours and approximately seventeen minutes later, you have officially decided: some things are impossible. Including: the mastery of ice skating. Your butt hurts. It was worth seeing Haruka smile, but now, you feel…not so great. The only thing easing your pain and embarrassment is holding Haruka’s hand. It’s warm.
You walk together, and for a brief moment it feels like you’re the only two people on Earth. For the millionth time, you’re hit with the realization that holy shit I am dating Haruka Kiritani . Who changed my life in every way. Wow.
“Minori?”
“E- Eh??”
“You zoned out for a second there.”
“Ah, sorry! Just, thinking about something! Hehe…”
“Alright… Well, do you want to come in?”
Haruka gestures to her house, and you realize you’re standing right in front of the door. “Oh! Oh, yeah! Sorry!”
“No worries,” she responds, and you follow her inside and upstairs to her room.
It’s quiet as the two of you settle down, but eventually Haruka breaks the silence. “If I’d known things would have happened like this, maybe I would have picked a different way to celebrate our anniversary…”
“No!!” you exclaim, grabbing her shoulders. She looks a little shocked, so you mumble an apology, backing away. Continuing, you look into her eyes and say, “I just think that…if you’re happy, I’m happy! And I had a really fun time too!”
“I know, only I don’t want you pushing yourself… I know you’ve done that before, for my sake. But you know I’m not happy unless you are. It’s the same for you, isn’t it?”
You wince, recalling a certain previous roller coaster ride. “Of course…! Well, I guess I may have pushed myself a little too hard before…ehehe. But I’m better now, really! Please believe me!”
“I believe you, Minori.” She gives you a small, sympathetic smile. “But, still. I’d rather do things both of us enjoy. I feel bad seeing you fall over and over. It doesn’t really feel like a date, does it?”
“It’s not a big deal! I mean, Haruka! I can handle this much at least. I want you to trust in me. I know I’m not a person who succeeds very easily, or quickly. So that’s why I always have to try harder. More, and more, every day! But don’t feel bad when you see me struggling, because I can deal with it. I- I have always been used to that. It’s a reminder of my progress.” You smile; to yourself, or to Haruka, you don’t know. “And I’m happy. I’m happy with myself, Haruka.
“And for that reason, I don’t want to see you hold back, Haruka! Ice skating is one thing, but you are always doing your best for the rest of us… Me, Shizuku, and Airi. Even if it means doing more than you have to, or keeping yourself from being truly happy for the sake of others. But I think that we are happiest when you are. I mean, haha, isn’t that what you just said? Mutual happiness…that sort of thing.”
Haruka looks shocked, to say the least. You may have gone overboard. “I mean- I didn’t- Sorry if I went overboard!!”
“No, I…” She slides her hands under your own, grasping them softly. “Is it…really true?
“…I’ve never been sure if my efforts amounted to anything, to be honest. I’ve lived my whole life trying to surpass myself again and again. And you’re right, I know everyone wants to see me just happy. But, it doesn’t feel like enough.”
When she doesn’t continue, you take it as an opening to respond. “Haruka… I think it’s good to always want to do more. To aim for better, no matter what! In fact, that’s something I learned from you, and from being in More More Jump. And the way you always go above and beyond is one of my favorite things about you, Haruka.
“But. That doesn’t change anything. We can still be… Normal, you know? It took a long time for me to fully realize that idols are…people too. Not that I didn’t know but… There’s just a side you never see in a person until you get to know them. And getting to know you…showed me that. Before I became an idol myself. That’s why, I want to see you live like any other normal schoolgirl!
"I want to… I want to eat lunch with you on the rooftop! And go shopping with you! And go ice skating with you so you laugh when I fall on my butt! All the stupid stuff, all the little things, they matter to me! And it’s not just because I’m spending time with an idol… But it’s because it’s with you. And I love you.”
When you’re done pouring your heart out to Haruka, she’s speechless. Your face turns red. You’re realizing you have said. Way. Too. Much.
The silence is deafening and also awkward. Your palms are sweating. Before you start to go crazy, you speak up again. “Um. Did I…say too much?”
Haruka blinks. And then it seems like she starts to finally process what happened, because she replies with, “N-No! No! I’m just very. Flustered? Right now?”
She tucks her hair behind her ear then rests her hands in her lap, eyes down. “Thank you… For that. I needed to be told that, I think. And I keep denying it, even though it’s right. The stuff about pushing myself a little too much. And holding back, too.”
You take one of her hands from her lap and raise it up to your mouth to kiss it gently. Bold move, but you manage not to turn into a tomato while doing it. You’re trying to be cool here. “It’s all the same things you’ve told me. I’m just giving it back.”
Finally, she makes eye contact with you again. And you’re terrified for a second when you spot tears in her eyes, but there’s a smile on her face. They must be happy tears.
“Thank you,” she repeats. “Thank you.”
You laugh, and cup her face in your hands. “Thank you.”