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Sanemi fisted the blanket in his hands, forehead and brows creasing, sweating.
It's been a while since the last nightmare has attacked him.
After the battle, you'd be relieved that you wouldn't have to sacrifice your sleep anymore to hunt demons. You'd be relieved that you'll get a full night's rest in a comfortable futon, wrapped in warm blankets. You'd be relieved to wake up knowing that dawn broke through, and you're still alive and well, not a whisper of a demon's murder piercing the calm away.
But you wouldn't know the nightmares that randomly break through those fragile peaceful nights. Sometimes, they come back haunting you, tormenting you. Sanemi's little brothers and sisters would lament why was it only Genya he had bothered to save. Why had he gone on to become the only Wind Pillar and not two like he and Masachika had both planned. Why couldn't he save Oyakata-sama and the countless other civilians that died even though he was supposed to be stronger as a hashira?
As a medical practitioner who had seen and known this much from taking care of injured slayers in the hospital, Kanae knew they were no exception to this even after the battle.
"Sanemi, wake up. Wake up, Sanemi," Kanae continued to try and rouse her husband from another rogue nightmare. She woke up a little earlier, noticing Sanemi's arm clenching and unclenching around her waist.
Sanemi's own mother was cursing him in his nightmares. She was disappointed in him, for his lack of competency and strength.
Why hadn't he left their house earlier to look for her? Why did he lead her back to their family who were defenseless and probably waiting for them to return home? Why didn't he become stronger like someone who could support his family like a good father as he had promised Genya?
Kanae watched in distress as Sanemi started weeping tears, moaning, and struggling to solve whatever problem had shown up in his sleep. She pushed herself up and started lightly slapping him across the face.
"Sanemi," she spoke louder and urgently.
Sanemi's mother disappeared. In her place stood Oyakata-sama who looked at him kindly, as if beckoning him to come closer. Sanemi walked forward like he was asked to, but no matter how far he walked or how fast he sprinted forward, Oyakata-sama stayed far away from him.
Untouchable and alone.
A sense of urgency propelled him to run faster, crazed. Something was going to happen and he wouldn't make it in time.
Then Oyakata-sama's body exploded, shocking him to the core. Sanemi could only watch in despair as he saw bits and pieces of his beloved Master's flesh and bones rain past him, vividly capturing how he was so close to saving his Master from harm's way but also still incapable to act his rightful duty as one of the corps' honorable and respectable pillars.
He's just as useless as his younger self.
Nothing had changed.
Clouds of red smoke and blazing embers flew past him and he could only do so much to shield his face from the fire. He must have breathed in the smoke prior to covering his face because suddenly he was choking and scrambling to get away from the carnage. His legs carried him further into the bottomless void, away from death, and then his hands are crushing his throat, for some reason trying to force or vomit out the black smoke in his lungs, when he finally gasped awake to see Kanae quickly removing her hand from his face.
"Oh, no! I'm sorry! You wouldn't wake up no matter how hard I slapped you so I switched to pinching your nose!" she immediately apologized while she wiped the sweat and tears on his face with her yukata sleeve.
Sanemi heaved in gulps of cool, clean air. There was no trace of smoke or dying flesh in the room and he could glimpse moonlight flashing merrily on their bedroom ceiling. He focused on Kanae's eyes, pale purple sparkles dancing together with the reflected moonlight, concerned gaze striking him with guilt as she moped away the last residue of his tears and sweat.
It's been a while since the last nightmare attacked him this badly. And it's been a while since he had worried her so.
"Kanae," he rasped pitifully as he raised his arms, silently asking for an embrace.
She gently descended on top of his body, lithe arms smothering him with the warmest, most reassuring hug he had ever received since his mother passed away. She pressed her cheek to his, her long black hair fanning around their faces like closing curtains.
"Sanemi," she simply said.
Kanae carried her weight, straddling him with two legs until he gently stroked her back, telling her it was alright to lean on him. She gradually lowered herself, replacing the placement of her chin on his chest. She focused on the rhythm of the rise and fall of his chest, heart relaxing that he was starting to calm down after the horrid nightmare he had.
"Sorry and thank you," he eventually whispered and placed a kiss on the crown of her head.
"Do you want water or milk?" she asked back, wanting to be of help immediately. If only she could ease his mind back to a dreamless sleep.
"No. Don't leave."
She hummed. Having made the same request a month ago, she understood his thoughts more clearly than he let on. She didn't want to leave him in this state either.
"I'm here. I won't leave you," she cooed, tenderly comforting him.
He was easily the scariest pillar in the demon slayer corps, some people are still afraid of him now even when their pillar titles are abolished, but his heart is really fragile, and Kanae wants nothing but to safe keep that in her own hands instead. To see the person she loves most suffering inside naturally hurts a part of her too.
Sanemi shifted his body to the side, slowly dropping her back on the left side of their futon. He rearranged the blanket to cover both of them while Kanae entangled her legs in his. She scooted closer and placed her head on his pillow, taking his words to heart.
"Where's Genya?" he later asked, just to be sure, even though he clearly knows where his little brother is.
Kanae answered, knowing he wanted mere reassurance of the whereabouts of his last remaining blood relative rather than the unlikely possibility that he forgot. "At Himejima's. He's staying a week there with Muichiro-kun because he misses them."
She caressed his scarred cheek fondly. Even with red eyes and tear-stained cheeks, her husband looks dashing, like a real heart-stopping prince. She always insisted that he was the good-looking one in their relationship. Even after being married, she couldn't quite get it out of her head that she married the only man she's been crushing on since they were 16.
"We can visit them tomorrow if you want."
Sanemi smiled appreciatively, savoring the warmth and care she was showering him with. He was lucky, so very lucky.
"Maybe we should," he agreed.
It would also be nice to see some old faces again.
Kanae found his hand under the covers, entwining their fingers. There was a space where his index and middle fingers should be but she's comfortably accustomed to it now. At first, it felt weird to touch his right hand and she wondered if it was hard for him to do chores. Though each time they held hands in this sequence, pride swells inside of her.
Her husband had fought against Upper Moon 1 and won.
Isn't he amazing?
Gosh.
She loves this angry hothead so much. Kanae almost wants to get married to him again.
She remembered the night when he proposed to her, recalling that she couldn't sleep that night knowing she was soon going to be his wife. It was also the first time they held hands, the first time she could touch the bumps where his two fingers should be. She didn't judge, after all, he told her she was still beautiful despite being half-blind.
"It's dark, but I can feel your smile," he warily said. "What are you thinking about?"
Her smile grew bigger and she nuzzled deeper in his embrace. She whispered back, "You, of course."
Sanemi paused for a minute, as if contemplating if he should keep asking questions or not.
"What about me?" he finally gave in and asked.
"The night you asked to marry me. We held hands for a long time, didn't we? And then I didn't sleep a wink that night because I was excited to see you the next day," Kanae told him giddily, her words tumbling out of her mouth in a hurry.
"You didn't know, right? I never told you this before~"
Sanemi groaned, somehow he knew it was somewhere along those lines. Somehow. Kanae still loves to tease and shower him with her overly exaggerated affections despite him telling her that he hates being shy. But he should be accustomed to it now, nothing's going to stop his wife if she chose to even let the whole world know.
Because he would do the same.
"Well, if it makes you happier, I couldn't sleep that night also." He closed his eyes and remembered the slow fall of ecstasy he felt when she said yes and almost jumped into his arms. He was embarrassed to remember that his legs had given up under him and he almost crushed her, quickly kneeling up and apologizing profusely before he registered her (happy) crying face. Sanemi proceeded to apologize with his forehead stuck on the floor.
"The most beautiful girl in the world told me she likes me back and agreed to become my wife."
"Stop saying that, I'm not that beautiful," Kanae argued back. Now it was her turn to get flustered.
Who wouldn't be?
"I'm telling the truth. No other woman could compare to you," he said. "Even if you weren't the most beautiful, you will always be in my eyes."
Another thing she learned about the former Wind Pillar is that he's terribly good at using words. It's unfair.
Kanae loves it nevertheless.
"Why are you flattering me?" she finally giggled, rewarding him with a kiss. "We're already married."
Sanemi adored the sound of her laugh so close to his ears and the brief arresting touch of their lips. A smile crept to his face, reveling in his change from before and after the battle, because a year ago, he would still be snarling at her for leaning so close to him without any proper reason (how was he supposed to act normally around her if his heart keeps jumping irregularly most of the time?). He still kept the same attitude around the old corps members though, especially if they so much as glanced at his wife differently, but mostly because it was funny to see their reactions.
He kissed her forehead back, muttering, "Keeping you happy is my duty."
Then Sanemi turned solemn. The thought of Kanae dying in her twenties didn't sit right with him. He loathes it. Someone as pure as her should be allowed to escape the claws of death. His wife should be an exception to the natural laws of the world.
"Kanae, I don't want you to die," he murmured regretfully.
"You always seem to forget that I manifested the mark a few hours earlier than you, huh?" Kanae slyly reminded him.
"But… I don't want you to die," Sanemi whispered in an awfully vulnerable voice. "I want you to live until you're old and not pretty enough to stun me or any other male anymore."
That wasn't true. He knows his breath will always be taken away however old she will look. She's that beautiful. He still finds it hard to digest that she married him willingly and happily.
Kanae laughed lightly in the still night, as if she was afraid she'd wake other people in the house. But she always forgets that she doesn't live in the Butterfly Mansion anymore. And Genya wasn't there to interrupt or sneak in on them.
His wife touched her forehead to his. "We all knew this was going to happen, Sanemi. That's the price for manifesting the mark. And I think spending the last few years with you is not so bad. I don't think I'm going to remarry even if I didn't have the mark and you died. We already agreed not to have children."
"I just want to spend the rest of my life with you, with Shinobu, with Kanao, with Himejima, with Genya," Kanae continued softly in the dark, her exhales light on his face.
Yes, Sanemi is really lucky. All his life he was hell-bent on avenging his family till he would die miserably in the hands of those man-eating demons, or live and die lonely if he was fortunate enough. There was always, only two choices. But, never had he thought he'd be able to see the day when the world is safe from the cruelty he faced in his childhood.
You know that expression where people say they love someone so much it hurts? That shit is real. Sanemi really wants to cry in happiness. If younger him had been told that he'd grew up to survive the final battle against the demon that created all demons and marry a kind and beautiful wife, that child would have left the offending person hanging on a tree branch as if they would burn under the sun.
"Is there anything else I can do to make you feel safe or better?" Kanae still asked because Sanemi can be shy sometimes even though they've been married for almost half a year already.
"Isn't that my job?" he retorted.
Although if he was joking and sending quips back at her already, she needn't be worried about him anymore. In the dark night, Kanae stared him down with a look she always reserved for him when he wouldn't take care of his health seriously.
"That's because if you don't feel safe, then I can't feel safe. Got it, Shinazugawa-kun?" she pretended to scold him, though almost immediately she reached up to press a lingering kiss on his lips.
"Don't use my name, Kochou," he mumbled around the kiss.
Kanae giggled, breaking apart and feeling weirdly giddy that he immediately spotted the difference. She slid down and positioned herself closer under his chin. "It gets nostalgic to use it sometimes."
Sanemi raised an eyebrow, a smirk growing on his face. "Really?" he asked in a mocking voice.
She gulped and shook her head.
"No, not really," Kanae relented as a playful smile surfaced on her lips.
That's what he thought. She loves using his given name as much as he does calling hers.
"Are you okay from your nightmare now?"
The sound of their neighbor's dog barked in the distance.
"Yeah. My family would never curse me. And Himejima said Oyakata-sama was willing to sacrifice himself, there's really nothing we could do to change his mind even if we knew," Sanemi told her, essentially telling her the gist of his nightmare.
"Nightmares won't besmirch the memories of the people I love."
Sanemi felt her nod her head to what he said. He peeked down to see that she was almost sleeping. He felt a tiny bit irked at being ignored but he'll let it slide, as always. He slowly unfurled his fingers from her hand to drape his arm across her body. But Kanae woke up with a start and he immediately patted her back from the shock.
"Sorry, Kanae," he hushed softly. "Go back to sleep."
"No no, I'm sorry," she protested, head tilting to look him in the eyes. "Did you say something?"
She looks adorable trying to stay awake longer for his sake.
"I said that when a nightmare comes again, just pinch my nose," he replied. "Your slaps are getting weak, Flower Hashira."
Kanae rolled her eyes sleepily. "I don't want to hurt you, Sanemi."
"Thank you," he muttered as he kissed the spot between her eyes.
"Mhm," she smiled, tucking her head under his chin again, and playfully kissing his neck to which he hissed cautions at her.
"I love you, Sanemi," she whispered finally before drifting off to sleep.
"I love you too," he voiced it out, knowing she probably didn't hear it anymore. He closed his eyes shortly after, this time certain that no more nightmares will plague him in his sleep.
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Sanemi's eyelids fluttered open to see his wife gazing at him, the same rough hands tracing the scars and the shape of his face.
The room was bright and he could hear birds merrily chirping in the background. Sunlight peeked through behind the curtains from their windows and underneath the doorway. The neighbor's dog was barking his tail away again. Warmth seeped under and through their covers.
Kanae's smile beside him early in the morning was worth going through hell for.
"Good morning, Sanemi!" Kanae greeted her husband cheerfully like she has done for the past six months without fail.
What had been a small foolish wish hidden in the back crevices of his heart became a reality after he gathered his courage to confess when the first calm night fell.
Sanemi's face scrunched up for the second time that morning and he clutched her body close to him as he tried to stop the sudden onslaught of tears that might spill again.
"Kanae, good morning," he managed to choke out.
On normal days, Kanae would have gotten up to make breakfast the moment she had opened her eyes. She had two grown men to feed after all. But Sanemi was incredibly touched that she chose to stay and wait for him to wake up today, so that he won't panic and think that she was an idle dream he had conjured up in his mind, like the first nightmare he had after the final fight. Even though they had reminisced their way out of the effects of his nightmare last night, Kanae still stayed by his side this morning to make sure he will be okay.
"Kanae," he mumbled in her ear, wrapping his arms tightly, but never too much around her.
"Hm?" she responded back, touching her lips to his cheek.
"Kanae," he repeated.
"Hm?"
"Kanae."
"Hm?"
Every time her husband would call her, Kanae makes sure to always reply back, even though she knew he was just saying her name to calm himself.
"Kanae."
"Hm?"
"Kanae."
"Hm?"
"I love you."
"Hm—oh!" Her eyes flew open to see that he was already smiling and grinning alongside her. She blushed as he kissed her softly, murmuring another 'I love you' on her lips.
Sanemi never likes throwing those three words around, opting to show his love through actions and gestures instead. She gets flustered either way whenever he initiated first.
"I love you too, Sanemi," she said back after he stopped giving her soft pecks around her face.
But her husband still repeated the words over and over again, so Kanae had no choice but to cover his mouth with her hand to muffle his voice. She glared at him, pouting her lips.
"Once is enough," she whispered to him pointedly, her whole face a shade of brightest red. She couldn't handle his sudden bursts of affection because he was always so straightforward. Whenever he does show his love, she turns into this shy, blushing mess.
"But I really do love you," Sanemi repeated grinningly, and she doesn't know if he was pushing her buttons more. He removed her hand from his mouth, entwining them again.
"I love you too," she repeated, finally letting out a small smile. She pecked him on the nose.
Kanae couldn't believe that this is her life now. With a loving husband and no more demons to kill, all those moments she hesitated to speak to him because she was scared of being rejected, but so intrigued by his scars so much, all paid off. She was glad he went on to find her more often for injury treatment later on but knowing that that wasn't a good thing to look forward to.
"Can we stay like this for a while? I don't want to get up and away from you yet," he requested, eyes closing. "Breakfast and the visit to Himejima's mountain can wait. Or are you hungry?"
"Not really," she agreed easily. "I'll follow whatever my dear husband wants."
Kanae laughed as his face hopelessly turned red too so she added another kiss to his lips, just because she finds it silly that they both couldn't handle each other's love well.
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