The Summer After

by RespectableInsomniac

Summary:

"...and now, a few words from our valedictorian."

For a split second, he almost believes that it won't be that hard to do it. It's just talking, he's done this so many times before. The speech isn't even that long. Not really. The split second doesn't last at all.

His racing heart kept picking up speed with each step he took forward. He gives a glance back at Naruto, who gives him a stupidly optimistic smile and it makes his heart melt for just a second.

"You're gonna do great!" He whisper-yells and Sasuke hears but he knows he won't.

Sasuke never got over his fear of public speaking, and he’s giving the entire graduating class his Valedictorian Speech. It goes…as well as you would expect. When his best friend/crush comes to console him, he tells them a lot more about his mental state than he probably should have.

Chapter 1: The Valedictorian's Speech

Notes:

For this introduction, be aware of the mentions of depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and a slightly unspecified eating disorder. I poured all I had into this fic, and I have been holding onto this since November 2021 when a similar incident happened to me, I tried my best on this, I hope someone enjoys it.

 

Fugaku and Mikoto Uchiha never failed to acknowledge just how amazing their eldest son, Itachi, is.

You would think they earned money for every time they mentioned how smart, kind, and handsome he turned out to be, and then even more for every time someone else readily agreed with them. Sasuke was sure they could afford to pay off their entire mortgage and buy another house in cash by now if that were true.

But it wasn't true so here he was, standing behind his mother. His hand was on the shopping cart at their local grocery store. He pulls away standing still once he realizes they were going to be stopped in this section for a bit of time. Almost every single time his mother is at the grocery store something like this happens.

She's called to by another woman, she is oh so shocked to see them as if they don't live in the same neighborhood, they spout meaningless small talk and engage in light conversation regarding their respective children, then leave as if they were in a hurry. As if they were at all. That excuse would have been more convincing if they didn't stop and talk to each other for a minimum of ten minutes. If you were in a hurry, the fact you needed to get through this interaction quickly would come up sooner than that.

They use this excuse more often than not because they don't actually want the conversation to continue for much longer. And that, is the play-by-play of the very situation Sasuke was so keen on avoiding. But no fate fucking hates him so not even 30 minutes into the store someone calls out for his mother and the cycle starts anew.

Sasuke doesn't even pretend to recognize this person this time. He's drained and way more irritated than usual, and hungry since he hasn't eaten since lunch yesterday but that's another problem and it's shoved in the far back of his mind waiting to creep up on him at any given time.

Now he has to stand there–awkwardly–until her conversation is finished and they can get a move on with their lives. When she picked him up from school he thought she was feeling nice. Maybe she realized just how hot it was and how shitty it would be for him to trek the 25-minute walk home alone in this June air. But no, he was unpleasantly surprised when she did not turn left to go home and instead turned right and that's when he knew...it was a grocery run. He wanted to bang his head against the window's tinted glass that very second but he says nothing at all. All he does is take the cart when asked to He moves around five steps behind his mother the whole time so he doesn't hit her with the cart and earn himself a barely repressed stare of anger.

During this interaction, it took around two minutes for the conversation to steer towards his brother. A new record, he muses sarcastically to himself since usually, it's much faster than that.

Everyone always wants to know how her oldest son is doing. The son who went to the best high school in the area and who got into a prestigious college on a scholarship. He can't roll his eyes now, his mother is right there, and god forbid Sasuke gives any indication he actually loathes his brother. How immature and unjustified of him, Itachi is such a considerate boy.

"...Itachi is graduating college this year!" Says his mother, very cheerfully. He digs his fingernails into his upper arm through the fabric of his sweater. Yes, he even wears sweaters in June. He's actually glad he did today. The supermarket was always cold and they just had to stop and talk near the milk and yogurt aisle.

The action will leave him with a sting, but it keeps him leveled so as to not say something he will get scolded for. It's not worth it, it's not worth it.

"Really? What does he plan on doing afterward?" She asks as though she's interested, and Sasuke can't tell if it's genuine or not. Women were very good at faking emotions. He was too so maybe it's not 'a woman thing' per se. He was actually only good with certain people, it was very hard for him to fake shit in the presence of Itachi and Naruto. Itachi was a genius and Naruto was a blockhead so he didn't know what to make of that. It was probably an oversight on his end.

"He already has job requests for after he graduates, he's planning on moving and he's got a lease on an apartment already."

"Wow how exciting!" He wants to roll his eyes at her tone so hard right now. He just moves the placement of his hand on his arm, if he digs any deeper it'll rip through the old and worn-out cotton blend and bleed and that was not fun cause then he really can't take his sweater off now.

"Does he have a girlfriend, my niece lives..."

Is she gonna pitch a date? He was done, he lost interest a while ago but now he was actively tuning them out. The grocery store was playing a shitty song by some washed-up white male celebrity. He must have heard it on the radio like 100 times in 2014 or so when he was like 10. He involuntarily knew almost all the words, it wasn't that hard the band probably wrote it in like 3 minutes in their absurdly expensive studio and came up with this bullshit thinking, those fuckers will buy anything.

He's so bored his mind is so off track.

He didn't recognize this woman but was forced to say hello when his mother nudged him. He had a feeling she'd address him later about his impoliteness in the car. Which was dumb since it didn't seem like she recognized him either. They had supposedly met each other. (He doesn't remember that.) She started up a conversation about Itachi almost right away rather than ask about him so she definitely remembered him. His mother would mention to Sasuke once they parted how she was in her book club or whatever, information he couldn't care less about so it wasn't gonna be transferred to his long-term memory.

He was graduating too, but it's not like it's anything notable when Itachi did it first. His New Year's resolution was to stop being bitter about how Itachi got more praise, gifts, money and attention than he did.

It wasn't going so well.

Old habits die hard.

The college just loved his essay on the fact he was overshadowed by his brother for his entire life and he wrote in some extra fluffy bullshit about how he needs to be able to "make his own path in life" and it needs to be at this school specifically. He kind of thought they would eat that shit up because his brother is graduating at the top of his class right now. Sasuke does believe he got in on his own merit though since he was going to be named valedictorian tomorrow. At least the reviewer of his application also knew he wasn't just the genius Itachi Uchiha's little brother.

They probably think he's a genius as well or something. He's not, he just works really really hard. Which makes Itachi's nonchalance at how everything is easy that much worse. He's spent way too much time catching up to him for this to just be labeled a breeze. Just once, he wanted to see him struggle at something. Just once. He would kill himself right after if it made the universe happy.

The thing about Itachi being a genius was no dramatization. When he was 12, he was ahead of every single kid in his elementary school. Things were pathetically easy to him his entire life and he looked down on normal people like everyone was an idiot or a subspecies. Not that he'd let the majority know that, above all, Itachi loved being revered.

The only people who knew about Itachi's disdain for the majority of society was Sasuke. Maybe his father would notice if he actually paid attention to something other than accomplishments once in his life. Sasuke thinks he could be the devil incarnate and with his newfound life he would bring suffering to many people as a harbinger of death and destruction.

But that's just him.

Their mother believed he was an angel and would do great things for himself and the family as a whole. She believed with her entire being that Itachi was this great person who never did anything bad to anyone. He couldn't even harm the most disgusting of creatures, that was how altruous her son was in her eyes. A fabrication that Itachi had crafted over his entire life. Sasuke wouldn't dare do anything to rip the carefully created tapestry apart lest his genius brother murder him outright in his sleep. He'd claim sudden death due to an epileptic seizure. Seizures that he doesn't get but can't really be proven after he's already dead.

Needless to say, Sasuke's not stupid enough to get on his brother's bad side. He'd rather go to jail, actually no. He'd rather just die.

Fifty minutes later, they are loading things into the car, and are almost on the way home. As expected, his mother decided to "teach him a lesson about manners." He says he understands when he's supposed to and he tries not to look like he has an attitude the entire time.

"When someone is talking to you you're supposed to say hello."

They weren't talking to me they were talking to you.

"Why were you silent the whole time? Are you only interested when it's things you want to talk about?" She's basically calling him selfish in a roundabout way.

"No." I don't want to praise my brother like he's the second coming of Christ.

"You seemed angry the whole time." Sorry I'll try to regulate my external view of my facial expression for next time thanks for bringing that to my attention.

"I'm not taking you to the store with me again."

As if that's a punishment. But he tries not to look too happy about it. It helps to dampen the mood when he realizes she is going to take him on another trip anyway, it's inevitable since she hates moving the cart herself, and makes him do it every time. Or if she remembers an item that she forgot while on line, she makes him run to get it and gets upset when he's not fast enough.

"You can come home another way next time. You didn't even appreciate it when I picked you up. This is how you treat your mother?"

She doesn't even pick him up regularly, and he did say thank you when she picked him up today. She only did it because she wanted him to go to the store with her right after class.

"You're just like your father I swear."

That is probably the worst insult he could get, among other things. But he lets it slide right off since when her mood gets better she won't even remember this happened.

He feels numb and wants to just lay in bed.

He puts away the groceries by himself since his father won't do it. He's sitting on the couch right now watching a boring ass football game. (Sasuke never got the appeal.) His mother went to shower so the only one who is going to do it is him. If he doesn't he'll probably get another earful about it so he just makes life easier on himself at this point trying to anticipate what his parents are going to say or do so he can avoid an undesirable outcome.

He's finished putting everything away and his mother comes down the stairs.

"You put away everything?" She asks, expectant.

He nods, not trusting himself to say something that demonstrates his anger. Maybe he really is selfish being angry about something as stupid as this.

"You don't know how to speak?"

"Yes, I put everything away."

"Good, take out the rice, put some water in the rice pot, and set the temp of the stove to high so the water boils." She says the instructions quickly, Sasuke is not good at hiding his emotions when he's tired and irritated so his expression must come out really cleanly.

"Sasuke, I'm not asking you to make dinner," She says, taking out the rice now because he didn't do it fast enough even though she just asked. "I am just asking you to just heat up water. It's not that hard."

He takes the pot, puts it on the stove, fills the water to the line she usually does and then looks at his mom, trying not so hard not to sound angry when he asks.

"Anything else?"

"No, you can go since you're so eager."

Gladly.

He runs up the stairs and he gets to his bed, and he decides he doesn't want dinner. Whatever his mom is making, he doesn't want it.

He gets about an hour of peace before he's called down again. An hour he spent either texting Naruto or watching some semi-interesting YouTube video. He has his earbuds in, one ear out to hear if he's called. He can't put both in anywhere for this anxiety that someone will speak to him and he won't hear it.

"Sasuke!!" He hears his mother's voice, and turns, it was kind of faded, but that's due to his door being closed right now. His mom said he needs to keep it open all the time but he hates that rule. He calls out knowing what the response will be anyway.

"Yeah?" Trying to see what she wants from him because he didn't hear dinner's ready.

"Come down!" Great now he's gonna hear, 'come down when I call you.'

He gets up, closes his computer, and texts Naruto that he is going to eat now, and he goes downstairs, opening the door slowly so he doesn't accidentally notify her that it was closed all the way. She was already in a bad mood as it was.

"Come on, Sasuke, we aren't going to wait forever." He hears when he's halfway down the stairs. They haven't even waited 50 seconds. What's the rush it's just dinner.

"Hey Sasuke." He recognizes that voice. It's his fucking brother. He sighs completely exhausted before greeting him.

"Hi." He answers plainly, because he doesn't have any energy left to pretend he cares.

"That's it? Come on! Hug!" His mother encourages and like the fake-ass snake he is, Itachi hugs first, and Sasuke barely hugs back. Just enough to look like he didn't recoil in his skin.

"I didn't know you were coming." Why the fuck are you here?

"I don't need to let you know when I return home Sasuke," he laughs and gives a smile. It doesn't even look like a disagreement to the other two.

"Itachi came home unexpectedly because he wants to see you graduate tomorrow." He doesn't want to see shit.

"I'm sure he has better things to get up to," feign humbleness, "Like his own graduation."

The snide comment was a little too close to actually appearing snide. He's definitely not as good at this as his brother is.

"No my graduation was yesterday, I am a free educated man now." Was that an attempt at being humble?

"Not so free if you're gonna chase your corporate dreams right after," Sasuke mutters near his glass taking a sip of water right after that. It tastes wrong, he knows it's just him. He wants to leave the table, he's hardly touched his steak. He can't remember a time he wanted to leave so much.

"I wanted to see my little brother graduate," Itachi says, "I haven't seen you consistently since I left for college. I owed you this."

He wants to vomit and he's sure it's not the food. Itachi was sickening with his words, he must take pleasure in his discomfort. He must.

"You don't owe me anything." He really really doesn't want him to be there tomorrow.

"Sasuke, why are you protesting? He wanted to be here for you so let him! Itachi is such a good brother I don't know why you feel the need to constantly push him away." His mother's mood is instantly improved from earlier already, Itachi's random visits did that to her like nothing else.

"Let's not discuss anything negative today, Sasuke tell me, did you manage to become valedictorian as I did."

"Yep." He says for the first time feeling a little triumphant because he can tell Itachi wasn't expecting a confident answer.

"So I assume you have to give a speech too? It's required."

"I know." He snaps.

He tried not to think about the speech today. He doesn't want to think about it now. It makes him a little nervous when he even touches upon the subject.

Itachi's speech four years ago had gotten a standing ovation he heard. Not just from his parents and their friends but from his English teacher who was there. That was a ridiculous standard to meet so Sasuke decided he wouldn't even try for a standing ovation. He'd settle for doing the speech at all.

It's a really good speech, he spent two weeks on it, and read it to his teacher multiple times, and edited it more times than that. It only takes 9 minutes or so to read. It was shorter than Itachi's.

It's helpful to think that his brother only received a standing ovation because everyone was so fucking glad his 13-minute speech was over. No valedictorian speech needs to be that long. Sasuke had the option to but declined reading it just in case it actually was that good and deserving of it's supposed standing ovation. It would put him in a depressive state where he wouldn't even want to write the essay at all.

So he'll settle for what he can create, and not try to compare himself to his brother and his work this time. He'll just deliver the speech and end it and he'll never have to do it again. In theory, it will all work out just fine.

"You always had an aversion to public speaking, due to your confidence now, I assume you have gotten better at that so congratulations." How can he sound so genuine to one person yet so sarcastic to another?

Itachi knows he hasn't gotten better, and he knows he has always hated any sort of presentation. Whether the class was 5 people or 30, they were all bad. Imagine the entire graduating class—-nope, he won't imagine it because he had already decided he wasn't going to look at anyone at all. If he pretended like the room was empty, then it wouldn't be hard at all.

"No need to congratulate me, you're so dramatic." He tries to detract, and he feels like it gives Itachi just more confirmation about what he already knew. He feels sick.

"Can I be excused?"

"You haven't even finished your food."

"I'm not hungry." He says, and she hasn't noticed he's been saying that a lot lately.

"Can I take your plate then? The ride was rather long and I'm kind of hungry." Itachi says and Sasuke hands over his plate with no further comment.

"Who drove you? You don't have a car."

When the conversation swerved back to Itachi and Sasuke is out of the picture that is when his dad talks more it seems. They have "more in common." Not that Sasuke cares. He doesn't want to be like his dad in a million years and he's sure Itachi only talks to their dad out of politeness and necessity. He definitely thinks that their dad is one of the stupid inferior majority. Not that Fugaku was stupid, he just wasn't Itachi-level smart.

"You should have told me you were coming Itachi then I would have made more food for you, and your favorite dessert. You love the red velvet I make. I should have Sasuke get some ingredients from the store tomorrow..."

She scrawls down the ingredients on a post-it, pasting it to the refrigerator door. That is when he officially stopped listening to their quality time and just went to his room.

Great, so before graduation tomorrow when he's supposed to be getting ready, he has to go to the store to get ingredients for Itachi's favorite cake, while he likely gets nothing made specifically for him. At the bare minimum, they will say the cake is for him when it's really for Itachi since it's his favorite.

They definitely don't remember that he isn't even a fan of sweets.

☾

It was no surprise to anyone that Sasuke Uchiha was the valedictorian for his class year.

Some students scoffed saying he had an unfair advantage because the teachers loved his brother so they favored him. It was the closest thing to nepotism you can get at his school. Sasuke isn't saying that's not true, but he thought it would be pretty obvious that he didn't just get all of his good grades because of favoritism. He definitely had more people who wished his demise than Itachi had. Maybe because he doesn't actually pretend to like anyone, if he finds someone obnoxious or annoying they'll know. He isn't one to try to appease everyone since that's not how the world actually works.

The principal opens up with her speech congratulating the graduating class and then goes over the highlights of some students' futures. Then she starts the actual ceremony by naming every student by their last name in alphabetical order. Sasuke knew his name would be called nearer to the end considering his last name started with 'U', Naruto's name would also be called shortly after.

"Sasuke Uchiha." She says his name, having mentioned that he was valedictorian already, he accepts the diploma and stands to the side of the stage next to the salutatorian, but still in view of the audience. Everyone else would just take their diplomas and walk off, returning back to their seats.

Now that he thinks about it, does Naruto even know he is supposed to do that? He missed nearly every graduation practice because he 'could think of fifteen better things to do instead.' Sasuke couldn't allow himself to ditch with him because he was determined not to look like a fool in front of his family. Something Naruto had no qualms over whatsoever since his parents would love him no matter what he did.

He decides not to worry about Naruto because sometimes he's a an idiot but he's not entirely stupid, he's sure to figure out what he is supposed to do.

"Uzumaki Naruto," Tsunade says with a different sort of fondness, giving Naruto a wider smile than everyone else. Tsunade is something of a great aunt to Naruto and treats his father like her own son, so it's not news to him or anyone else actually that he gets this minimal special treatment.

After seeing Naruto grab his diploma and shake her hand, Sasuke's head turns, and only for a moment but it changes his entire mood instantly. He notices his brother, and parents. He knew they were here somewhere but it was different actually seeing them. They're actually here.

Itachi wasn't even supposed to be here initially. Sasuke only knew he was attending his graduation yesterday. That change of plan was chaos to him, and Itachi reveled in it. He's waiting for him to fail. Expecting it. He wasn't sure he could prove him wrong and succeed. Not when he could now feel and hear his heartbeat in his ears. His pulse thrums fast in his head and neck. Tsunade's voice became a pale monotone until it abruptly stopped, and his breathing with it.

She has finished all the names on the list.

It's getting closer and he's no nearer to being calm. He feels faint, but someone's voice clears some of the fog.

"Psst!" He sees Naruto standing next to him, he didn't even notice when he stopped walking. "You didn't tell me you were valedictorian."

"Why are you standing here?" He scolds in a hushed voice, Naruto isn't supposed to stay on stage. "And who else would the valedictorian be if not me?"

He almost snaps at him why would he need to tell Naruto something that was obvious? He was going to be the top of his class, that was a fact set in stone four years ago.

He is definitely aware of his parent's and brother's eyes on him. He is sure the majority of people don't care about Naruto staying in plain sight next to him and having a conversation. But it's enough of an anomaly to make him even more nervous even though Naruto doesn't mean to.

"Sakura?" He jokes, but quickly moves on when he sees Sasuke didn't take to it. "Hey don't you have to give a speech?"

The unspoken observation between them is in the air now. He hates public speaking; it makes him anxious and fills his entire being with heavy dread. Sasuke gives Naruto a glare at having made the stupidly obvious known.

"You don't...have to give a speech you know." As if it's a choice.

"Yes I do." His hushed whisper got more mean and he's sure some other students on stage were definitely now looking at them. "Itachi gave a speech when he graduated."

"You aren't your brother."

Naruto's answer to that didn't strike any particular realization in him but he was jealous of the naivety of that statement. He had no idea just how much pressure he was put under constantly, because he sees Sasuke's parents through an entirely different lens.

He knew what Naruto meant by that. He knew he meant it kindly, and not that Sasuke couldn't do it. But Naruto's compassion just came out and solidified that he couldn't do this and it made him upset.

"Just get off stage Naruto, you're not supposed to be up here."

The Vice Principal of the school waves to him through his line of sight indicating he had to be up soon. Time was up. Naruto gives him a soft smile before he goes toward the podium.

"...and now, a few words from our valedictorian."

For a split second, he almost believes that it won't be that hard to do it. It's just talking, he's done this so many times before. The speech isn't even that long. Not really. The split second doesn't last at all.

His racing heart kept picking up speed with each step he took forward. He gives a glance back at Naruto, who gives him a stupidly optimistic smile and it makes his heart melt for just a second.

"You're gonna do great!" He whisper-yells and Sasuke hears but he knows he won't.

He gets to the podium, paper in hand but the words on its pages are entirely memorized in his brain for this very moment. He couldn't fail. He couldn't fail.

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha, I am the class of 2022's valedictorian." He says as confidently as he can pretend to be. It's not even on the paper, he just felt the need to start with that and feels stupid for it considering he was just introduced a second ago. Why did he go off script? Why?

"I worked very hard to get to this point..." he remembered the words but still glanced down on his page to make sure that he knew it. Or maybe it's so that he doesn't have to look into anyone's eyes or maybe it's just for a split second of imagining that there isn't really a large crowd of over 500 people.

But in the middle of it, he forgets the words.

How could he forget?! He practiced this.

He spent weeks writing and rewriting this, editing it and giving it to his English teacher to look over. He made sure there weren't any mistakes and a good flow.

None of that logic matters. It doesn't change that he forgets the words. He panics, visibly. Then he searches the paper for his place, looking down at the page for some sort of answer as to how he was supposed to finish this without panicking completely. He's already done it. He's already failed.

The words don't even look like a language he can understand anymore and he's—

Fuck!

Breathe.

Breathe again.

The whole world stops as he takes a second for himself to slow time down and fucking think.

"Sorry, where was I?" He corrects. Just a mild mistake, even though he's Sasuke Uchiha and he never makes mistakes.

He cuts his speech short to save himself from any further embarrassment. His hands were starting to sweat and he gripped the sides of the podium with far too much force. When he finishes his speech, he practically runs off stage and the salutatorian, Sakura Haruno takes his place on stage. Looking at his back as he hurries away.

When Sasuke is out of sight of everyone else, he actually ran. Feet carrying him through the empty hallways. He doesn't have a destination in mind, he just feels like he's suffocating and his mind can't grasp the fact of how he fucked that up so bad—

"Sasuke!" Naruto runs after him, but can't see him. Sasuke ran too fast and too far. He turned a corner in the hallway and Naruto doesn't know which way he went.

Sasuke's back hits a locker on the wall, and he slides down. Sitting with his knees to his chest. He doesn't cry, he sits there replaying the moments over and over in his head like a broken film only stuck on the same place. He's completely frozen, a sick feeling in his stomach envelopes him completely. He lets himself wallow in it because that's what he deserves.

How he spoke. When he froze. How his mouth wouldn't move to make his thoughts audible to the audience. How he just couldn't speak. How he couldn't even understand the words he wrote with his own hands.

His father, mother, and brother saw everything. What an embarrassment. He can hear it now.

"That's Itachi Uchiha's little brother?"

"No way."

He wanted to slam his head against the wall.

He wanted to curl up and die.

"Sasuke?" Naruto's there, in his blue graduation gown, huffing and puffing he probably ran across the entire school to get to him, checking every room and hallway. Naruto's relieved to have caught up to him, he doesn't say a word as he slides down the locker wall to sit down next to him.

"You know...it really wasn't that bad. You did good!" His stupid cheery voice cheers him up for just a second until he remembers, Naruto was only consoling him because it was that bad. Naruto can lie for the sake of sparing his feelings, that much was true.

"It was that bad," Sasuke says in return, not looking Naruto in the eyes. He can't. He's so fucking pathetic.

"Nah, and besides we are graduating. Everyone will forget this anyway."

"Everyone will remember because this is graduation." He retorts, "Besides, it's not them I'm worried about."

Not entirely.

"I can never look my family in the eyes again."

"Come on, your parents are nice. They'll be supportive." Was Naruto just saying that or did he truly believe it? Naruto, how naive you are.

"They love the carbon copy Itachi version of me. I'm just a second Itachi to them."

"That's—"

"True." Sasuke interrupts before Naruto can say it's not. "I want to fucking die. I can't do this anymore Naruto. I can't do any of it."

"What are you talking about?" Naruto is not sure if he wants to know the darker implications of it.

"Nothing." Not wanting to explain. He either gets it or he doesn't.

Naruto waits in silence for more of an explanation than that, but no explanation comes.

"Listen Sasuke if you're stressed out, you can always talk to me."

He knew Naruto believed that but it wasn't really true. He couldn't just talk to him about anything.

So to that, Sasuke doesn't answer. Sure he'd like to be able to talk to Naruto in a way that wasn't more than surface level but actually talking about the things that made him stressed out felt...weak. Like he was complaining when others definitely had it worse, and Naruto probably wouldn't understand anyway. He had no siblings and he got unconditional love from his parents while the 'love' Sasuke got was entirely conditional.

He also knew that if he managed to pour out his heart completely, he'd fall for his friend even more, so that was out of the question. He already spent the latter half of the year trying to just be normal around him after he realized his feelings were romantic.

Imagine how his parents would react if they knew his innermost thoughts about his best friend. To learn that their youngest son was gay? It would shatter all their expectations of him, and he'd have no chance of ever being looked at the way they do Itachi. The way they recognized his excellence over all else, he hated the fact that he wanted that so bad. Hated the fact that desire suffocated him until he couldn't keep it together anymore. Why wouldn't his parents just look at him? See him for who he was?

It was so exhausting to keep this up. He's not sure how long he could last.

"Come on, let's go, people are heading out now." Naruto says as he gets up, and he extends a hand for Sasuke to take.

Sasuke tentatively puts his hand in Naruto's and Naruto pulls him up. They both head out the exit of the high school. Other people shuffle out of the school, and Naruto spots his parents.

"We were looking for you," Naruto's father says when he spots his son, and his mother isn't far behind.

"I said he'd chase after Sasuke," Kushina smiles at Sasuke warmly, and it reminds him of Naruto. Why wasn't his mother caring like that?

"He always will," Minato says in response. Naruto looks away, cheeks tinted red, and his mother puts her hand in her son's hair, shaking his head playfully. Sasuke's heart aches at the scene.

"I have to go find my parents," Sasuke mentions but in reality he's not eager to find them now. Or ever.

"Oh I think I saw Mikoto and Fugaku by the parking lot," Kushina mentions and Sasuke heads that way. He's definitely not going to walk as slow as humanely possible to get there.

"Sasuke what the hell was that?" Fugaku looks at him with disgust. He rarely ever does it makes Sasuke's self-loathing and shame ten times worse., "You froze, on stage in front of everyone."

"Fugaku, can't you—" Mikoto tries to interject but he raises his hand in a gesture that demands silence. Sasuke is familiar with his body language to know his intent. But he wouldn't do anything drastic out in public.

"Get in the car, we are getting out of here. You're such an embarrassment."

"Where's Itachi?" Sasuke asks as he walks with them. He saw his brother in the crowd. Where is he now?

"He'll meet us at the house. Your actually competent brother is able to afford his own car."

Sasuke knew this would happen and that his father would never let him forget a failure like this. He wouldn't let himself forget it either.

"Fugaku stop," Mikoto's voice is gentle, but she knows full well her meager protests aren't enough. "He's had a hard time of it already, you saw him up there."

"He froze up and that's his own fault. It's pathetic. Don't go easy on him just because he's still a child to you." His words seem to silence her for good and she doesn't speak the rest of the way home.

As soon as they got home, Itachi's car was already in the driveway and he took the only shower.

He's gonna be in there forever. Sasuke sighs, remembering how he'd use a lot of the hot water, then Sasuke would get yelled at for using it all when it was Itachi who liked to take long showers. Sasuke knew Itachi had some sort of routine, and cared about his looks far too much. His hair was really silky while Sasuke's hair was sometimes unmanageable, just another distinction to prove Itachi's absolute uncontestable perfection. Whatever, he doesn't care about that right now, he only cares about this failure that was his own making.

Sasuke stays in his room, not wanting to hear any crap from his father and not wanting to talk to his push over of a mother either. Sometimes he got mad at her for not standing up to Fugaku better or not leaving. She was a doormat and he walked all over her everyday. She in turn would walk over him sometimes, but never ever her favorite son.

Sasuke takes off his graduation gown and cap. It doesn't even feel like he accomplished anything considering the speech left a bad taste in his mouth. He just wants to forget it ever happened and erase it from his mind.

He's going to college in a few months. Hopefully no one who knows him will be there.

But Naruto, he's going to college somewhere else. Sasuke is afraid they'll drift apart. They've known each other almost their entire lives. They only became real friends when they were in the 3rd grade. Naruto has more friends but Sasuke doesn't. He always felt out of place with Naruto's friends, and felt some sort of loneliness due to the fact that Naruto was his best friend, but he wasn't Naruto's best friend.

But still, the blond idiot made it hard for Sasuke to resist him. He couldn't hate Naruto for the fact he was jealous. He couldn't put those bad feelings onto him when Naruto was just so good. To him and to everyone around him. He exuded this amazingly infectious happy energy and Sasuke found it was both exhausting but pleasurable to be around. He was genuine and warm.

Just when Sasuke tries to rid thoughts of Naruto from his mind, he gets a call from him. He can't help but pick up.

"Why'd you call me?" Sasuke answers a bit rude, but why did Naruto call when he could just text.

"I did text you first. But you didn't answer." He promptly answers.

"Oh."

Sasuke checks and sure enough, Naruto did text him. But he's got his phone on Do Not Disturb, so he didn't get any notifications for that. Naruto must have called three times then for Sasuke's phone to let him know.

"What's so important?" He asks when he realizes.

"I'm outside your house."

"You're what?!" He almost shouts, and then looks outside his window, Naruto is standing in his driveway. He waves when he sees his face in the window.

"Why did you come here!? Go away." Sasuke hates when Naruto comes unannounced. For good reason.

"No. It's our graduation day, aren't you proud!?" He says looking at Sasuke through the window as he talks.

"No. High school was extremely easy." He says just to be a little bit more of an asshole knowing how much Naruto struggled.

"For you." He scoffs. "Come on, let me in! I went to Kiba's graduation party today for like five minutes. I left though 'cause I thought it was boring."

"Boring because I wasn't there." Sasuke tries for a joke knowing he's definitely not good at social events and would have absolutely nothing to bring to the party. He's definitely putting up a front, he was in no mood for jokes.

"Yeah." Naruto answers completely seriously, "I mean, I had no one to talk to...everyone else was doing their own thing..."

"Are you going to let me in or not?!?!" Naruto shouts his way out of embarrassment.

Before Sasuke can answer, suddenly his mother opens the door for Naruto.

"Hey, I guess your mom's here. I didn't even have to knock for her to know I was here."

"That's because you're yelling you dumbass." Sasuke makes sure to humble him.

"Hey—!" Naruto starts to craft a response but Sasuke hangs up and heads downstairs to see him at the door.

"Sasuke! You didn't tell me Naruto was here!" Mikoto greets a bit too joyfully about Naruto's sudden appearance.

"I didn't know he was here," Sasuke answers, but Naruto puts him on the spot.

"Lies! I just called you." Naruto points, making Mikoto laugh.

"Naruto, do you want to stay for dinner?"

"Sure. My mom was just gonna order takeout 'cause my dad can't cook today." Sasuke always finds it so cool how Naruto's dad cooks and cleans and actually cares about his son's life outside of academics. It was a stark contrast to his own dad who grew up in a strictly patriarchal home and wanted to enforce that in his home.

"Ok great, dinner will be ready in an hour. You guys can go hang out til then."

"An hour?" Sasuke groans, not wanting to be stuck in his room with Naruto that long right now.

They head upstairs, Sasuke doesn't even breathe in the direction of his father's office. Fugaku didn't know Naruto was here yet, and three months ago he confronted Sasuke and asked him about his behavior around Naruto. Apparently he was a neglectful parent but an observant one under the wrong circumstances. He noticed things and it took a lot of straight-faced lying to convince his father that his feelings toward Naruto were strictly friendship and totally platonic. Sasuke was more cautious about when Naruto came over after that. But also made sure that sometimes Naruto came over when his father was here just so he could prove how he was totally not gay.

"Good, because I have noticed that your generation seems to be more comfortable with the idea of same sex relationships, and if I were to ever find you engaged in any of those disgusting acts I'd cut you off entirely."

A full-blown threat, and Sasuke did not misunderstand how serious he was about it. Fugaku never made empty threats and always followed through on his promises.

It was after that talk in sophomore year that Sasuke actually started feeling more feelings toward Naruto than anything in an attempt not to. He tried to convince himself girls were hot, but he could never seem to look at a girl and think that genuinely. He could appreciate how nice Ino's hair looked, but it's not like he cared one way or the other. She, like all the other girls, didn't make his heart skip a beat like Naruto did whenever he so much as smiled.

It took until senior year to turn those thoughts of why can't I be normal...to I am totally gay for my best friend.

"Sasuke I know I hate when I come unannounced but...you kinda scared me a little there with what you said. So I need you to continue otherwise I won't not think about it, and my guesses will probably get worse and worse so talk to me now."

"That's demanding, I shouldn't have to elaborate on anything you either understand or you don't."

"That's the thing, I don't understand but I want to understand so why won't you talk to me." Naruto is borderline pleading, and it hurts him being the cause of his negative emotions. "When I said earlier that you can talk to me about anything I hope you know I meant it."

"I know." He knows that Naruto said what he meant but it doesn't mean it's going to make Sasuke tell him what's bothering him.

"You see, I don't think you do. I feel like you've been getting more distant. And I know people break apart after high school, I'm not stupid—but I feel like you're trying to speed up the process rather than trying to make it work."

Damn, so he does see more than he lets on.

"I haven't been "getting distant" I'm just busy." He defends.

"You're not busy. You have no social life and all you work on is school which is over. Please lie a little better, genius." Naruto mocks, rolling his eyes. Sasuke doesn't like how he called him a genius but he doesn't address it.

"We are going to different colleges, there's no reason for us to remain friends."

"You don't mean that."

"I do, it's clearly causing you pain for you to be my friend so why don't you just stop?"

"I can't just stop being your friend that's ridiculous. I know you think for some reason that I don't care about you that much but I do. I notice things and today...I was beating myself up over not bringing up sooner, over using until the last day of high school to mention it."

He doesn't want to ask what. What is this big thing they aren't addressing. This thing that wasn't there the whole time but just started to grow like a shadow when the light fades looming over everything when the sun is finally gone.

Naruto is silent...and Sasuke doesn't say a word either.

"I'm not stupid. I'm not a genius, but I am not fucking stupid don't pretend like nothing is wrong."

"You're overreacting there is literally nothing wrong I am the same as I have always been—"

"Are you depressed?"

"I'm not depressed. God, everyone is depressed now. If anything I'm just stressed out. Stress goes away."

Naruto doesn't seem convinced.

"Your parents suck. They don't see any of it do they?"

Is that pity in his voice? But why does it almost get him emotional? Someone notices. They see how hard it is for him to just exist right now.

He bends over backwards to fit everything he can into his life. Making himself small to accommodate what other people expect of him. Neglecting his mental health constantly over it, and killing himself from the inside. It's so hard. It's just so hard, and for someone to notice. It breaks his heart that Naruto did because he's the last person he wanted to know.

"There's nothing to see."

"When was the last time you did something for yourself? Something that made you happy. We hardly spend time together anymore and you've been blowing me off for what?"

"That has nothing to do with being depressed or not–"

"Ok so then answer this," Naruto's voice was frustrated now, he's not delicate with things like this, nothing about him was delicate at all and yet...he takes a second wondering if he should say this. Wondering if it would set him off or not be right at all and maybe he was just overreacting. But he cares. He cares and he wants Sasuke to know that so maybe...maybe it's time to mention it. So he knows that he's not invisible, someone is paying attention. "When was the last time you ate?"

"What?" Sasuke says softly, unsure of what to say and not wanting to stay silent as if Naruto was right. There wasn't anything wrong with him, he was fine, just sometimes he skipped meals it wasn't that big of a deal.

"I never said anything, and I've known you for a long time...it's not like you to just not eat lunch and you used to make lunch in the mornings and bring it to school but halfway into junior year, you completely stopped. I thought maybe you were waking up later, you just didn't have the time anymore...but it's not like you ate anything at school."

Naruto starts to talk more and Sasuke doesn't even pay attention, he doesn't feel like he's even in his own body right now. No way Naruto started noticing something was different about him junior year. He was sure that no one would really care enough to pay attention to that sort of thing.

"When I came over for dinner during the winter holiday, you didn't eat much then either and the only time you would have eaten anything would have been for breakfast...I saw you throw out food that day and I think that's when I started speculating. I didn't want to ask anyone about it and expose you...and if you were going through something I thought you would tell me but you never did."

"You started wearing different clothes, and you never were without a sweater, even yesterday, it was so hot out and you never take off your hoodies."

Sasuke feels entirely exposed, his body suddenly feeling cold like sharp wind passed him by. He doesn't like this, he was content on his own thinking no one knew or cared enough to know. This was way too much.

"I'm sorry Sasuke, I'm so sorry I didn't bring it up sooner, I wanted to wait for you to come to me for help. Or even if it wasn't me then someone. Never did it occur to me that you wouldn't and I guess I realized that today."

"You had a panic attack in front of the entire school." Naruto admitting what it was just added more finality to the whole situation that Sasuke already knew. "Then you told me you wanted to die and that you couldn't do this anymore."

"I asked you to tell me more but you just acted like what you said was nothing...and I already knew something was going on with you I just...I didn't realize it was that bad. I decided to ignore the really bad signs because when we were in class, you seemed normal. If I didn't put those two things together I might have thought you were joking when you said that, but you weren't were you?"

"Naruto. Get out of my room."

"You can't just kick me out because you don't like what I have to say Sasuke, I am just trying to help."

"Why can't you just pretend? You said you ignored it, so why can't you keep ignoring it now?"

"It's never been this obvious before how bad you've been doing."

"I want to be there for you, but you have to let me. I can't give you my help if you won't take it."

Sasuke understands but it's hard to tell him because the thoughts in his head are so private. They're for his mind only, how can he put into words that he skips meals sometimes because he feels like he doesn't deserve to eat. Even if he's hungry. It's not about weight, he doesn't care how much he weighs, in fact he finds it difficult to care about anything. He just allows himself to eat when he feels like he deserves it. If he does well on a test, if he manages to get everything he needs to do on a particular day. But if he fails he doesn't deserve it. If he's anything less than perfect he's a failure as is.

His mother already restricts all food from the house that she feels is bad anyway. She's been obsessed with looking a certain way ever since Sasuke was little. So he's not even allowed to eat certain things by default, so when faced with the option to eat something he normally can't, he will hate himself for it, but he'll jump at the chance, and then not eat the rest of the day out of sheer guilt.

This mentality has brought him trouble. When his father even noticed he lost weight and hadn't eaten in an entire day. Fugaku made him sit at the table and eat everything he was given on a plate. Sasuke forced himself, and it hurt. When he expressed he couldn't finish his father looked at him like he was pathetic, while his mother tried to get him to complete the task. 'Just a little more...'

He vomits later, not on purpose. Never on purpose. He ate so much it hurt and his stomach couldn't take it. He couldn't sleep that night and felt fatigued the next day. He made sure to at least eat once a day in front of his father, for a couple of months after that incident so he'd never have to endure that again. They thought the problem was fixed but he thinks it got worse he learned how to be calculating n front of them so they always believed he was fine. He changed the way he dressed and somehow he believed if they didn't notice anything then there was nothing wrong.

He almost never ate at school, relying on dinner for most of his nutrients but still finding that inadequate. But he didn't stop, probably won't either and he knows it'll land him in the hospital someday.

He knows that.

He doesn't want Naruto to know that. How could he explain any of it. How hard it was to think about food. So he'll distract himself with his work. He'd lie awake at night guilty and ashamed for something he did during the day. For a misstep, and then he'd wake up to do it all over again. His mother berates him one day and he feels like he doesn't even deserve to live at all.

"Naruto. I'm tired. I'm so tired of it all." He confesses. "I just want to die. I don't want to kill myself, but I think it would be better if I died."

He finally fucking said it out loud. He's never expressed that to anyone before and doesn't even think that his brain articulated that to himself until this very moment he's said it. He's had this feeling for a long time now, and it breaks him finally being able to say it.

Naruto looks at him wide-eyed not believing what he heard. Fuck. He messed it up, got too personal, too real too fast. Naruto's gonna reject him, and say to not talk anymore. This was what he was afraid of this whole time. Rejection.

"I don't know what to say to that." Naruto confesses, and it makes Sasuke feel disheartened, he shouldn't have said that. He regrets it. Just another thing he'd think of later. "But I'm going to tell you to do something for me. I know it's selfish but I...I want you to choose to live for me."

"You want me to want to live for you," Sasuke repeats. Finding it somewhat ironic. Doesn't Naruto already know he lives for him? He lives to see his face every day, and his stupid jokes. That smile of his and his constant approval. The way he recognizes Sasuke in a way no one else does. It makes him feel...special. Like it's worth being here. If only for a few hours.

"Yeah. I'll see you every chance I get, and until you can find a real reason to live, I'll be your reason. Can you do that for me?"

The way he asks it makes Sasuke freak out. Why did he have to say it like that?!

"Yes." He answers slowly.

Naruto always had this sort of effect on him, the ability to make him swoon with just his words. He really hated it. Why did he have to like him, but then again, why did Naruto make himself act so perfect?

Whatever woman got to be with him was going to be incredibly lucky and it made him sad beyond belief. He would tell him how he feels eventually, (never) but not now. Especially not in his room when Naruto's confronting him about his issues. Naruto doesn't even know the full extent of it. Sasuke himself doesn't even know the full extent of it.

"Good," Naruto says, giving him a small smile. Fuck it sounds like praise.

Sasuke wonders if he should just get it over with. Tell Naruto he loves him, and then get rejected. Naruto would be disgusted and never want to talk to him again. He'd probably say he deserves to feel depressed for ever thinking about liking a guy in the same way he's supposed to like girls.

No, Naruto would never say that. He'd reject him softly and say he'd never like him in that way and then their friendship would be awkward from that day forward and Sasuke would literally just die a little on the inside every day. More than usual.

Maybe just get it over with now so Naruto can reject him and he won't want to be around him anymore. Then he really won't have a reason to live.

"Naruto, I—" he almost gets the word 'like' out but the door is immediately forced open. It's Sasuke's father.

"Are you deaf? Your mother called you for dinner, get downstairs." Fugaku says and realizes Naruto is here, "What did I say about closing the door when you have friends over."

He says friends, but Sasuke only has one friend. TJust Naruto.

"Sorry I forgot." He didn't forget, Fugaku knows he didn't forget. But he accepts the lie as fact since there's a guest.

"Well come downstairs. Both of you."

Naruto doesn't miss the underlying tension between Sasuke and his father. He wonders if they argued about something before he got there. Or maybe he was upset by the speech? Naruto found that unlikely because why would Sasuke's father be upset by that?

Naruto eats dinner with the Uchiha's and finds the dinner table isn't half as inviting as his own home. There are always conversations at his dinner table but here it's completely different.

"So..you're Sasuke's brother." Naruto starts the conversation and Sasuke gives him an odd look.

"Yes, I am." Itachi answers plainly, "You're Naruto. I haven't heard much about you from him, but mother tells me you're his best friend."

"Really?" He gives a glance to Sasuke, he's not surprised though, Sasuke said he doesn't talk to his brother much ever since he moved away for college Whenever Itachi comes up Sasuke hates it, so automatically Naruto doesn't have the best opinion of the older Uchiha, but he'll be polite.

"But then again I don't hear much of anything from Sasuke..." Itachi looks at his brother now, and Sasuke doesn't seem to want to engage in the conversation at all.

"Sasuke, why don't you call your older brother and ask how he's doing once in a while."

"The phone works both ways," Sasuke mutters under his breath.

"Yeah Sasuke, why don't you ever call?" Itachi asks in retaliation.

"You ever think maybe I just don't feel like talking to you?" Sasuke snarls at Itachi.

"Now that's no way to talk to your brother!" Mikoto always tries to maintain the peace.

Naruto feels as though he's done something wrong to instigate all of this but he just replied with a single word..

"Shut up all of you. We have a guest." Fugaku is calm but also demanding. Itachi and Sasuke stop bickering. Sasuke looks down at his plate, moving the food around so it looks like he took at least a few bites.

"Naruto." Fugaku says his name indifferently, "Now that you and Sasuke have graduated, where are you going to college."

"I never got to tell you, Sasuke..." The 'since you always blew me off' just underlines that statement, "But I changed my mind on my college since my original choice was too far away, so instead, I am going to Akatsuki Uni."

Sasuke nearly spits out his drink. That's Itachi's old college, his choice for college.

"What!?" Sasuke shouts and his father glares at him for the outburst.

"Yeah, I got accepted on a sports scholarship to Akatsuki U, so I was thinking it over for a little bit...," he scratches his head nervously the innocent act isn't lost on him. Sasuke knew this must be retaliation for not telling him he was valedictorian right?, "I didn't tell you?"

"I think I would have f—" Sasuke stops himself from cursing out loud, "I think I would have remembered if you told me Naruto."

"Isn't this great?" His mother chimes in, "You'll be going to Konoha University with your best friend."

Fugaku doesn't look nearly as happy as her but says nothing.

Fucking great.

 

Notes:

There are five chapters, each corresponding to a season and then the fifth being an epilogue. I meant to post this when I had all of it completed because me completing shit takes forever or it never happens at all and I didn't want to do that with this fic.

If you have any comments, or questions please feel free to type them, I am eager for feedback and if you have critiques I do ask for kindness. I would like to improve, but do note I do this as a hobby as a full-time student. (Don't expect me to be a noble prize winner.) Much love, and have a good day.

Chapter 2: The Sand Stays

Summary:

Sasuke’s summer begins, and he’s determined to avoid Naruto hoping he’ll just give up on him. As he waits through the summer, his 18th birthday comes to pass.

Notes:

Please Note: disordered eating behavior, suicidal ideation, summertime sadness, shitty parenting, crying, anxiety, isolation, and an 18th birthday.

I have some issues with this chapter, but I hope some of you understand sort of what's going on? (I'm going to clarify before you get to this chapter, Naruto's thinking is problematic, no this fic isn't meant to be he saves Sasuke from his depression+ with love or whatever LOL. But don't worry he won't stay in this mindset.)

The days settled into summer more comfortably like a long stretch upon waking up. The heat stuck around and clung to every thing and everyone. Sasuke felt weighted by it whenever he went outside. Which wasn't a lot, his room had air conditioning.

 

Unlike summer, Sasuke didn't settle at all. This season was going to suck exponentially more than usual. Itachi was going to be here for most if not all of it. Sasuke didn't know Itachi was going to stay over the summer, so he couldn't even mentally prepare. He didn't have the Uzumaki house to escape to since he was deliberately avoiding Naruto.

 

There wasn't anything Sasuke wanted to say to him, and there was nothing he wanted to listen to him say. Every time he thought about what Naruto might say to him he instead figured his home wasn't so bad. At least he knew how to deal with his father...and even Itachi. He knew Naruto must be concerned. Even if he didn't read his texts every day he could gauge that.

 

Naruto was just too caring and too compassionate to ignore this. It was annoying, he wanted him to stop. Could he just tell him to forget it? To go away? He couldn't say he was feeling better than the last time they spoke because that would be an outright lie. He's feeling the exact same, not worse, not better, just existing.

 

Sasuke should have known he would live to regret that thoughtless decision when he made it. It's too late, he can't take it back, Naruto already knew. He wasn't going to go away. Maybe he'd lay off a bit if Sasuke said something, but he'd never just ignore him completely.

 

Naruto texted him every single day. He'd text him hello or good morning and goodnight, and ask if he wanted to maybe hang out. Even if Sasuke said nothing in response the whole day. Sometimes he would reply with a simple 'hi' but not much else. He didn't text Naruto as much as he had before.

 

It's not like he was mad at him, he just didn't want to be near him. But a simple hello wasn't too much to ask for. He felt like he could at least give him that.

 

If Sasuke did answer he usually gave some half-assed excuse that Naruto couldn't confirm the validity of in order to decline. He was not going to spend a second near him. Being in his presence was a danger. He couldn't avoid it if he had to talk to him. So he'd forsake the circumstances entirely even if it racked him with guilt. To lie to and ignore Naruto hurt him more than he'd admit.

 

His mother asked only once why Naruto hasn't come by lately. Sasuke just said he had other friends he hung out with, it's not like Naruto's only friend is him. And that was the end of it.

 

He stayed in his room the majority of the time. He was pretty much waiting for days to pass until college finally started. It was going agonizingly slow. There was only so much he could do in the summer. With no money or source of income, there was pretty much nothing.

 

He could walk around the neighborhood, but that comes with the risk he could always run into Naruto or someone else. With his shit luck, he would. Besides, when does he ever feel the need to walk anyway? Never.

 

His room was becoming the picture of a clean freak's nightmare. His books are never in their right place, stuff has fallen and he hasn't bothered to pick it up. There are clothes on the floor. He wonders if they're dirty or clean clothes he never put away and they wound up on the floor. Trash overflowing his small desk trash can, it's mostly just paper.

 

His mother hardly comes in here to scold him about the mess. It's only because it's the summer and she just assumes he isn't home without checking. (If his door is closed in the summer it's more likely she'll just walk past it than any other time of year) Any other summer he wouldn't be in his room nearly this often.

 

If she did come in here and saw the disaster she'd make him clean it up right away. His father wouldn't even think of coming in here unless he has a justifiable purpose. He'd never come in just to talk to his son. Not like Sasuke wants him to, he's way past that. A 'justifiable purpose' just means he wants to reprimand him for something. The state of his room would be perfect for that, but he'd actually have to come in here to see it though.

 

It's difficult for Sasuke to even pinpoint whether he cares anymore. What they have to say about anything. He's sort of just wallowing in his own self-pity and then feeling bad about it, but not changing. He lost the drive to care about what they'd have to say about this mess, just as he lost the will to actually clean it up.

 

His mind is hardly ever active in his body because he occupies it all the time doing something else. Just to pretend he's not real and that this isn't actually his life.

 

He's playing games far more often than he usually would. When Naruto's online he will accept the request but not talk to him. But then that quickly became depressing, so he just stopped playing games with him altogether.

 

Falling asleep was so difficult, but then getting up seemed to be even more so.

 

He started to sleep a lot more when he did fall asleep, 12 hour nights were frequent since summer started. He didn't have a reason to get up at 6 am anymore so pulling himself out of bed was asking a lot. Being asleep was far better than being awake. At least when he was asleep he wasn't...aware. What was he going to do while awake anyway? Then he wouldn't be able to fall asleep when it was an acceptable time to fall asleep so he'd stay up til the early AMs.

 

This cycle was not sustainable.

 

It's only been a month of summer, and things were fucking bleak. He couldn't wait until he had a reason to get out of here. His birthday is in one month but he truly couldn't care less. He's turning 18 and it just feels like another thing he needs to worry about. Just the thought of his birthday fills him with dread.

 

Adulthood seemed...daunting. How could he function being a real adult? It felt like he was going to be thrust into the deep end when that time came. How the fuck can anyone expect him to act like an adult when it's a strenuous effort getting out of bed in the morning?

 

☼

 

In summers past, Sasuke would spend a lot of his time in the Uzumaki household. He would come over whenever he wanted. Kushina had said their house was always open, and Naruto never voiced any objections to when Sasuke would come over.

 

When Naruto tried to come to his house unannounced, Sasuke hated that. Sasuke has always hated surprises. So Naruto got used to telling or asking days in advance to come over. Like it was some business arrangement.

 

It's barely a month into the summer and Sasuke hasn't come by at all. That's too long for Naruto's liking. But there didn't seem to be anything he could do about it. The last time Naruto saw Sasuke was Graduation Day, and that day was...something that's for sure. He couldn't get what Sasuke had said out of his head.

 

He knew he was being avoided two weeks after that because Sasuke texted significantly less. He also gave minimal information when he spouted his excuses about why he couldn't hang out. It was summer, and Sasuke didn't have a job. He shouldn't be 'busy.' It was the summer of senior year. He should literally have all the time in the world.

 

He knew Sasuke didn't have a job, because there wasn't a single place around that was hiring, and there is no way he'd drive to work. Sasuke hates driving, it makes him anxious. He knows how to though, it's just other cars that scare him.

 

Naruto supposed he would be anxious about driving too if his dad's car looked as pristine as Fugaku's. It was always as if it came out of the factory an hour ago. (And if his father was as much of a strict ass as Fugaku was too.)

 

As a result of being completely avoided, Naruto had no time but to think. Think about college, sure...but mainly about Sasuke. He spent time researching which he never does. Maybe when he was a kid and some random animal fixation took hold of him. Frogs were a big one. (His mother will still tease him about it sometimes. He still can't get rid of the frog plush from when he was a toddler.)

 

The single subject–depression–turned into a multitude of ones. Like a web branching out, he tackled subjects on anxiety next, its causes, and the effects. Naruto doesn't know everything about Sasuke, there's no way he could. But he had a fair amount of stock invested in Sasuke's parents having a huge amount in his abysmal mental health. It made him angry on his behalf.

 

In the middle of his second late-night reading up on this, Naruto came to a realization. He liked to think he would do this for any of his friends, but when he stayed up late taking notes like he had an assignment due the next day...he knew that wasn't the case. Maybe he didn't really need to realize it because he always knew Sasuke was more important. Sasuke always had his own place in Naruto's mind, unlike anyone else Naruto has ever met.

 

That's what made their conversation so terrifying. He became obsessed with figuring out what was wrong, so he could find a way to fix this. There needed to be a solution because there was no way he was going to let Sasuke live with feeling like he wanted to die.

That was no way to live; it was one way to die. If this continued and got worse, there was only the single end goal he could see here. It scared him as though an hourglass of sand would run out if he didn't do everything he could to fix it.

He cared far too much about him for that. Sasuke was his best friend. He had other friends, and even a girlfriend at one point, but the only constant in his life other than his parents was Sasuke. He was just special. He always was.

Naruto and Sasuke met when they were children. Mikoto and his mom Kushina were friends since high school and grew apart for a little while after college. Kushina always said she never liked Fugaku and thought Mikoto could have done way better but she chose to settle when she got pregnant with Itachi because she didn't want him to grow up without a father.

Naruto never actually voiced his opinion, since he knew it wasn't his place at all...But he always thought he'd rather have no father if his father was like Fugaku. He didn't even know exactly what Fugaku was like, because parents always act differently around guests, and Sasuke never went into detail about what his father was like. So Naruto could only assume based on throwaway phrases Sasuke has said, and his own instincts really.

When Mikoto was pregnant again with Sasuke, Kushina was expecting him, it all coincided with their decision to also buy a house. So with some crazy twist of fate, Sasuke and Naruto ended up in the same neighborhood not too far away, with birthdays only months apart. Kushina and Mikoto thought their sons were going to be best friends right away.

At first, Naruto didn't like him.

He thought Sasuke was cold and standoffish. He thought it was weird how Sasuke never wanted to play any games with him. Naruto got his feelings hurt pretty bad when Sasuke said he was dumb and annoying, he also said something about his eyes being too big for his head. Characteristically petty insults for a child, but Naruto had thought they were so intellectual at the time.

Out of pure stubbornness, they refused to talk on their parent-mandated play dates so their parents stopped trying to get them to become friends. He thinks his mother might have said something about not forcing them to get along, because 'it'll happen naturally or not at all.'

They still were pushed closer together during holidays sometimes, family gatherings, or birthdays. But they didn't actually start becoming friends until they were nine years old.

Naruto doesn't remember how, he thinks he was just pushy and really wanted Sasuke to like him because everyone else liked him. It made no sense why Sasuke didn't. He couldn't see why Sasuke didn't want to be around him like some of the other kids.

It might have become his personal mission then, to turn him into someone who just changed his initial impression. To make Sasuke see him as the cool awesome kid he was. It was just supposed to be hanging out with him to change his stupid mind and that was it.

He didn't expect them to become actual friends.

Sasuke liked the same things he did, they watched the same action-adventure cartoon at his house. He had said he wasn't allowed to watch tv since his father always used the tv or his mother just said it was not educational. The one with ninjas and Naruto liked the main character the best. Sasuke thought the main character was an idiot and identified more with his best friend. Typical.

Naruto thought that was lame, but he didn't mind just spending time watching whatever was on together. Or they'd play with his video games, and Sasuke said Minato made the best food. Naruto used to think he only came over for lunch because of his dad.

They had every class together, teachers would sit them together because they thought Sasuke's 'disciplined nature' would rub off on him. It was closer to the other way around because Naruto was more of an influence on Sasuke. But it's not like he ever got in trouble for anything. Sasuke was always clever enough to get out of shit like that.

Naruto would always sooner take the fall than let Sasuke get into trouble. His parents were more lenient with him, and they called it a 'rebellious phase' or whatever. They'd punish lightly and reward frequently. Reinforcements over punishments were their motto. Sasuke's parents were the complete opposite. Not that Naruto knew to what extent.

When doing research he found many different stories of people struggling with depression, eating disorders, and anxiety. A lot of them had one thing in common and that was how they were raised. How their parents acted around them and how they treated them greatly affected thought patterns to either be more or less susceptible to mental illnesses like these.

He tried to think about Sasuke when they were younger. Formative years were important. He was always quiet, never really voicing his opinions unless directly asked. Naruto was afraid to ask just how bad his parents actually were. He can't imagine them being physically abusive, but it's not hard to imagine verbal abuse since he's seen it. And that was what they said in his presence. What the hell did they say behind closed doors?

Naruto wants to talk to him so badly, he wants to tell him that his worth wasn't equated to what he could accomplish. That he was perfectly fine as himself, but Sasuke wouldn't listen to him. He was shocked when he found out Naruto was going to the same college, he knew that Sasuke would not have said all that if he thought they'd still be communicating by the end of this year.

Sasuke really thought that Naruto was just going to move on and never talk to him again which was just...unbelievable he couldn't even imagine doing that to him.

When he invited him to hang out Sasuke always refused without even so much as a "let me check my schedule" he sent a nearly automatic and plain "Can't" or"I'm busy" text with no futher explanation and that was that. Naruto realized there was only so much more he could take of this before he had to take matters into his own hands. He knew Sasuke didn't like it when he just showed up at his home.

Naruto didn't like being there when Fugaku was anyway because there was something about the way Fugaku looked at him. It made him feel as though the man didn't like him. Which was fine, Naruto didn't exactly like him either but that didn't mean he wanted to be scrutinized every time he stepped in the house to say hello to Sasuke.

Before he had only debated going to his house but didn't because he wondered would just make things worse. Did Sasuke even want to see him? Likely not. If he showed up, would Sasuke just push him away? Probably.

How can he make it so that he knows he's not going to push him to do anything he doesn't want? How can he get through to him without being too aggressive about it?

Maybe that's it.

Maybe he needs to show up. Sasuke's never going to like being shown how bad he's doing. He's never going to want to acknowledge it until it's eating him alive completely. So maybe he needs to be the one to push.

Sasuke finds comfort in isolation, sadness and darkness. Naruto just needs to be the one to bring him out, prevent him from seeking that out. Suicidal ideation doesn't always lead to actual suicide but it's still much too close for comfort. He wants him to do well, needs him to.

He can't see any other way around it because he can't sit here and do nothing and let his best friend kill himself. It wasn't going to happen. Sasuke was going to be fine.

 

 

☾

 

The worst part of Sasuke's day was dinner, that was true for a long time, though he can't pinpoint when that happened.

When he heard the news Itachi was staying for "a while" he had to hold his tongue not to say something stupid that would get him hit in the face. It was bad enough with his father here more often, and now Itachi was here long-term? It made him want to die...even more.

Even worse when his mother and father weren't home, Itachi would pick up his girlfriend and they'd stay in the house as if Sasuke wasn't there at all. The worst was when he brought her into his room to fuck and Sasuke swore they were loud as fuck on purpose.

It was as if he dared Sasuke to say something about all of this. Itachi was like a dog, marking his space and making sure Sasuke's was as small as possible.

He never said anything at all. He just counted the days until summer was over and he could leave this goddamn house. A little over one more month and he would be in some dorm at his university, and if he was lucky he wouldn't have to see his brother for a long time.

His phone pings and he knows exactly who it is. He almost doesn't pick it up to even answer, but his willpower was dwindling with the irritating thump of Itachi's wooden bedframe against his wall. His music can just barely mask it out, and it isn't the first time this has happened this week. His brother's such a dick.

Naruto

Hey Sasuke

What r u doing

Nothing

Do you want to hang out?

Sasuke types "No," but holds on sending it.

His willpower wasn't strong enough it seemed. He meant to avoid Naruto, but he missed him, and Naruto has been asking everyday what he was up to, and asking if he had a good day or if he ate anything good today. Sasuke couldn't pretend they were the same texts as before, now that his friend knew something vital he knew Naruto was worried.

It bothered him, being the cause of his friends' worry. He felt like he wasn't really deserving of that. Naruto had so many more important things he should be concerned with. Wasting his time worrying about him shouldn't even be a priority. But here he was doing it anyway. Sasuke can admit to himself at least...it felt kind of nice to have someone care.

Okay

Sasuke answers, and he sees Naruto's typing bubble on too long. Maybe he doesn't know what to say. Then Naruto's messages pop up at once in rapid succession.

Yay! I missed you

Bring clothes you can get wet

I'll ask my mom to pick you up, we are going to the beach

Sasuke groans but doesn't back out. He was hoping he'd just go to Naruto's house. He could walk there too; it isn't that far. He hates the beach. You go to the beach, you go in the water or get baked in the sun then leave, but the beach never leaves you. You don't even have to sit down and you get sand up your ass. Who would go for recreational reasons is beyond his understanding.

Naruto loves the beach.

Sasuke himself hasn't been to the beach in forever, it's not like his parents were like Naruto and had summer trips together. He can't think of one trip he has had with his family. As he's thinking he searches his drawers and closet for acceptable beach attire. He feels like he has a pair of swim shorts around somewhere. But then he'd have to go shirtless too and if he goes he's basically agreeing to get dragged into the water by Naruto as well. A shirtless Naruto.

That realization was a little too much all at once.

He goes back to his phone after finding something suitable for the beach, and is about to tell Naruto he changed his mind. But he sees three simple words he glanced over before. Not even knowing how.

I missed you.

Naruto surely noticed that Sasuke was avoiding him. Despite all these rejections, Naruto continued to reach out every day on the off chance Sasuke wouldn't be busy or he'd change his mind. Which apparently became today.

So it seems he only lasted a month. He still mostly wants to change his mind and tell Naruto no. But he already agreed and if Naruto was already ready he should be here in a few minutes.

"Sasuke!" He hears Itachi's overly irritating annoyed voice, "Your dumb friend is here."

There was no need for Itachi to call Naruto dumb especially when there are more accurate characteristics he can name or better yet, his actual name since he's sure Itachi knows it. He's just an entitled asshole. Sasuke begins to change really quickly since Itachi is yelling at him and he can hear someone coming up the stairs. Impatient bastard.

"Itachi give me a fucking minute--" Sasuke shouts, and the door opens and it's not Itachi, it's Naruto.

He's in the middle of getting dressed and he's half-naked with no pants or underwear on. Naruto gives a quick apology and closes the door as if nothing happened, but Sasuke is behind the door, his mind going into overdrive about how his longtime crush just saw him half naked, and—He shakes his head trying to get rid of his shock.

Naruto just barged in without thinking, but he was more embarrassed than mad. It takes him a second to catch his breath and open his door. Naruto's in the hall and waves.

"Sorry about that," He says kind of nervously but he isn't very fazed by it. Of course, he isn't. To Naruto, Sasuke is just a friend, there are no underlying feelings over seeing your best friend half naked. So what? Sasuke seriously wants to drown rather than talk about this so he pretends it doesn't bother him. He can drown when they're at the beach and that'll be the end of it.

"Forget about it," Sasuke says automatically.

"Forgotten." Naruto answers just as quickly. "Let's go."

Minato and Kushina are in the car, and as always they're happy to see him. It always puts him off a bit, just how friendly they are. How can one couple be so happy all the damn time is pretty unbelievable to him. Especially since he has two parents that hardly even tolerate each other much less love each other. His mother is basically his father's personal attendant, but Minato and Kushina are always nice to each other and they seem more like a relationship is supposed to be.

An actual partnership.

"So Sasuke, summer's halfway over, how is your summer so far, you haven't been coming over, are you having a good time?"

"It's good." He answers. Kushina is always super cordial with him, but Sasuke would even go so far as to say she was motherly towards him too. He usually combats this by giving distant answers.

Whenever he saw Naruto interact with his mother and father he could never manage to squash the feeling of jealousy upon seeing them. It was petty and undeserving but he couldn't help it.

"Do anything interesting?"

"Not really."

Kushina stops trying to make conversation after seeing Sasuke's not going to give her any information. She wasn't upset by it, she just knew he wasn't that talkative and if he wanted to speak more he would. She tries to give him space because she knows that Sasuke doesn't have the best home life and sometimes she worries if she's pushing him. But it seems her husband wasn't imbued with such tact.

"Naruto tells us you've been avoiding him." Minato chimes in now. Making his son facepalm himself.

"Dad—I did not say that!"

"Then what did you say?" His dad counters, "You said you tried asking Sasuke to hang out with you tons of times and he said no."

"Doesn't mean he's avoiding me. You're jumping to conclusions and making it sound like...," Naruto slumps in his seat as he talks. But then turns to Sasuke, who defends himself.

"I'm not avoiding you, I'm just busy." A lie if he's ever said one.

"You're just busy," Minato repeats knowing that's not quite the answer, but he doesn't elaborate and Sasuke's thankful Naruto didn't inherit his father's brain.

"Okay look, we're here," Naruto says, tapping Sasuke's shoulder. The beach looks so much better than he remembers.

"There's not a lot of people." Sasuke points out, not that he wants there to be a lot of people. He's actually a little happy with this outcome.

"Yeah, this is the east side. It's more shallow over here and less strong waves." Minato explains, "Most people go further west."

Sasuke thinks about that, having shallow water might be quite relaxing, but then you have to go further out if you want to get deeper. But if the waves weren't too bad they should be fine.

"Are you a good swimmer Sasuke?"Kushina asks.

"Not at all. I took swimming lessons when I was a kid but I got pushed in, and I nearly drowned in like 10 feet of water. I stopped going even though my mom tried to tell me to keep doing it. Most I can do is float."

It was free swimming classes for kids under ten years old, and that day he was pushed in by a boy he didn't know. Saying he nearly drowned wasn't an exaggeration, since no one alerted an adult until they didn't see him rise to the surface after a few seconds. He didn't want to go to the lessons twice a week anymore, and when his mother tried to force him he retaliated by "forgetting" his bathing suit at home. No one seemed to understand just how to felt to be so afraid underwater and couldn't fathom why he couldn't want to go near the pool again.

He didn't feel afraid being on the beach or the ocean at all. He's so far removed from that day that it doesn't cross his mind anymore actually.

"Sasuke, you never told me that," Naruto questions, "That sounds terrible."

"It's not a big deal. It happened so long ago." Sasuke shrugs it off, and Naruto gets the feeling that he shouldn't try to sympathize or pity, it would only make him annoyed. So he changes course, giving a smile instead.

"Well if anything happens, I am a great swimmer I'm pretty sure I could save you." Naruto smiles at him. Sasuke looks away.

"That's what lifeguards are for Naruto," Kushina says.

"How about we make sure nothing does happen?" Minato interjects. "But the water is nice here I'm sure you'll be alright."

Minato gives him a reassuring smile, and it's so similar to Naruto's. Then he goes with Kushina to go to put the umbrella up and set up the rest of their things.

Sasuke almost feels like a kid again, even though he's 17 years old at the beach with his best friend who looks...so amazing. Naruto took his shirt off basically as soon as they put their chairs out. Sasuke didn't do the same.

He didn't hate his body, he got lots of validation from girls his age who wanted him to be shirtless before. One girl he didn't even know snuck into the locker room to see him changing which put him off of changing in front of other people for a while. Naruto and his parents were different. So why did he feel uncomfortable taking off his shirt?

Maybe he didn't want Naruto to see him. To give him the opportunity to judge him.

"You're not gonna go in?" Minato asks him. In that reassuring way of his that always leaves room for him to refuse. He's never demanding or demeaning. This isn't pity or even confusion. It always feels as though Naruto and his parents just are so accepting.

They had this quality about them that scared him and angered him. It made him want to break down and ask for help. It made him want to run away and never see their faces again.

"No I am," Sasuke says, taking off his shirt with much more difficulty than is presented to them. "I just feel like the water is going to be cold."

"It's actually pretty warm this time of year."

"That's good." He answers with an appropriate amount of enthusiasm, but not really caring one way or another.

He follows after Naruto, sinking his feet into the sand first. The water washes over him, and he feels how it's not very cold at all. It's not exactly lukewarm, but with a minute or too in a foot of water he finds it easier to keep going in.

Naruto's floating in the water, sun looks so nice on his skin, and Sasuke finds himself looking a little too long and decided to ruin a little bit of his peace just for fun.

"Hey!" Naruto says righting himself in the water, it's up to his waist when standing up, "Sasuke, come on!"

Sasuke splashes him again, and Naruto sees where this is going. A water fight breaks out, and Sasuke keeps mental track of just how deep into the water they're going.

After only a few minutes, of sending water around each other, they're both a mess. Sasuke has sand in his hair and ears. He's not even thinking about how long that's going to be to wash out of his hair. Naruto definitely splashes way bigger, and harder too. Much more force behind his pushes.

There was no goal to this. Just...until they got tired probably. Sasuke ends up taking inspiration from a movie, not even sure if it was a feat he could accomplish when he attempts to do it. When Naruto bent down to push more water his way, Sasuke used his legs to wrap around Naruto's body pulling him backwards into the water. Naruto falls and can admit Sasuke caught him off guard. Now he's got just as much if not more sand in his hair as well.

When they come back up, Sasuke's laughing, but his throat hurts from all the ocean water he accidentally swallowed. Naruto's smiling at him, asking him why he did that if it didn't get him any less wet than it got him.

"I wanted to bring you down, and I did."

Naruto's smile becomes a little softer, "Thanks for coming today."

"Don't get all sappy on me."

"Okay, I'll stop," He puts his hands up, "Do you want some water, I think my Dad brought some."

"I hope so."

He stands, trudging through the sand to get to the beach where Minato and Kushina were. Minato was indeed prepared and brought of cooler full of drinks. Kushina had told him he didn't need it, but he insisted. Naruto was very thankful for that because he might have resorted to drinking more the ocean water which would not have helped at all.

"Want something to eat?" Kushina asks them.

"No thanks," Sasuke says, Naruto glances at him, and Sasuke pretends he isn't acutely aware of his gaze. "Actually sure that would be nice."

"I made turkey and cheese...there's also salami and cheese...which do you want?"

"I'll just have whichever's left."

She nods, handing sandwiches out to everyone else, and Sasuke takes the last one left. It's salami and cheese not bad, he can't even say it's bad, but eating it makes him feel a little queasy and he almost finishes it. (he wraps whatever's left with the napkin Kushina wrapped it in, throwing it out with the illusion he ate it all)

No one notices and he's thankful for that.

They stay at the beach for a little over an hour after lunch, and Sasuke doesn't stay in the water as long. He kind of just wants to lay down and listen to the waves. Minato goes in the water with Naruto and he stays behind with Kushina.

"Sasuke are you glad Naruto's going to be at the university with you?"

"Yeah," Not particularly. But he couldn't say that for real, especially not to Naruto's mother who has never been anything but kind to him.

"He was agonizing over it for weeks about how you guys would be separated. I asked the admissions to reconsider him for a sports application, and I knew it was a shot in the dark, but it ended up working, and he took the offer when he got it."

"Wait so you helped him?" Sasuke asked, was it even allowed to just ask admissions to reconsider? "Does Naruto know?"

"No, I was planning on telling him, but with the way he is, he might get annoyed with me for interfering, since his Dad's a bit of a household name in the neighborhood."

"People know you too, didn't you get promoted to Principal at the elementary school now?"

"Yes, and you know there's no need to flatter me, I already like you, you're a good kid. You practically passed through all the steps to be able to date my son."

He thought he misheard her for a second.

"What?"

"Oh come on, Sasuke, Naruto is in love with you."

"No, he isn't." He said that firmly. He was absolutely sure.

"There is no one he treats like you, even that girl he dated—"

"Hinata," He can't help the tone his voice takes with her name.

"Yes her, she was so sweet, and tried so hard, but they only lasted three weeks and even that was surprising," Kushina says, and looks toward Naruto and her husband.
"Naruto told me that you weren't interested in girls and I think he wanted to see my reaction..."

Sasuke felt a rush of fear go through his entire body. That wasn't Naruto's news to tell her or anyone. He couldn't even feel anger all he felt was this heavy dread. Where was this going? How long ago was this?

Kushina could see the expression he was taking and tried to backpedal.

"It wasn't on purpose, he immediately regretted it and I wouldn't dare anyone else. Not your mother or even Minato."

Sasuke can't relax entirely, this wasn't something he anticipated and it was so unexpected. He told Naruto he was gay in confidence, but fuck he should have known. Naruto couldn't keep a secret. He knew that.

"I'm not trying to out you or pressure you into liking my son, I just want you to know that if you feel...unable to come out to your parents or if they won't accept you, you always have a place with me, and Minato regardless. I've known you since you were a baby Sasuke, you deserve love and respect."

He didn't know how to feel about this. Kushina must know exactly how Mikoto and Fugaku felt about same sex relationships, they don't exactly hide their stance. It was true he didn't feel comfortable coming out to them, but why did she ambush him now? Was it because she felt like she wouldn't get a chance to speak to him again?

He's tried so hard to push Naruto's parents away, and treat them like glorified strangers because he was jealous of the love and affection they gave out so freely. How could he bask in some of that without wanting more? Or getting withdrawals once he went back to his own house? How could he request it without making it known that's something he's been wanting his whole life?

"I–" don't know what to say. But the words don't leave him, since Naruto's voice reaches him.

"Sasuke look!" Naruto's voice pulls his head in his direction, "They're selling snow cones at the other end. Haven't had one in so long. Want one?"

He can be such a child sometimes. Well, he wasn't quite an adult yet, maybe Sasuke should let him be one.

"Sure," He says not even thinking about it, wanting to placate Naruto and maybe also fully end this conversation with Kushina. She stands, pulling him with her. Her expression tells that she wasn't going to give away anything they spoke about.

"Let's walk with them, I haven't had a snow cone in some time."

"Me either," Sasuke replies, actively trying to think about it now. He can't even remember the last time he went to the beach with his family so he wasn't going to make any progress on that front.

The four of them get snowcones, Kushina gets raspberry or whatever the red one is. Minato gets lemon, and Naruto get's coconut, and Sasuke gets blue raspberry. He's sure they're all just the same syrup with different food coloring. It tastes like sugary ice. Which is fine, since it doesn't put him off.

"Okay, I think we should start heading home. Mikoto is going to think we kidnapped you," Minato jokes, then he turns to Kushina, getting close, "The lemon one tastes terrible, let me have yours."

He tries to take his wife's cone, to which she tilts it in his direction. It was a small display, but it was a show of affection nonetheless.

"Yeah, I guess I should head home soon." Sasuke agrees. Naruto looks confused.

"It's not even 8 yet, and what's wrong with them thinking we kidnapped you?"

"Oh shush Naruto, I'm sure he's had enough of us, let's take him home." Kushina chides, and they walk back toward their set up on the sand.

The drive to the house takes longer than the drive to the beach. The sun was setting, so everyone was heading back at the same time. He doesn't mind not getting home fast. He doesn't really want to go back home anyway, but he knows he has to. He also desperately needs a shower, sand is absolutely everywhere.

Minato and Kushina don't seem to care about the sand all over their seats and car. It was unavoidable, but he's surprised how relaxed they are about it.

When he gets home, he gives a quick goodbye.

"Bye Sasuke!" Kushina says loudly through the halfway down window. Minato shifting his body to see him too, "Bye, see you next time."

"Bye Sasuke, don't forget me!"

"Stop acting like I'm never going to see you again," Sasuke says in reply, "Bye Naruto."

They drive away, and it's only when he gets to the front door he realizes he forgot his keys. He has to ring the doorbell otherwise there's no way to get in.

"Sasuke's here."

Fugaku says when he opens the door and see's him. He turns to go back to whatever he was going, not even really opening the door for him.

"You were gone for a while, did you have a good time? How's Kushina doing?"

"Yeah, and Kushina's fine, she's been promoted to principal at her school if you haven't heard."

"Yeah, I did, she's been putting it off for a while since she liked just teaching the kids..." Mikoto talks a little more, but he informs her he's going to take a shower.

"I'm going to shower. We went to the beach so..."

"Right, don't get any sand on the carpet, or I'm making you vacuum." She'll
make him vacuum anyway.

"Got it."

"Oh and there's dinner on the stove if you want it, if not, just put it away."

"Okay."

"I saw your room, and you are cleaning it tomorrow, and I mean cleaning, it's such a mess. How did you let it get like that, I swear..."

"Okay, mom." He answers, "I'll clean it tomorrow."

With that, he heads to the bathroom and takes a shower. It's a long time before he rakes his fingers through his hair and doesn't feel any sand at all. At some point someone harshly knocks on the bathroom door to tell him to get the hell out of the shower, so he quickly tries to make sure he doesn't come out half-dirty.

It's no surprise the person who knocked was his mom. She's very stingy with water when it comes to...just him actually. She never knocks for Itachi, or his dad, or stops her own shower when it reaches 15 minutes. This shower didn't even scratch ten minutes. Whatever, don't get mad at it when it's not surprising at all.

All he can think about the rest of the day until past midnight is the day he spend at the beach. It was a good day. Better than he expected, and with what Kushina said...she knows he's gay but on some level she knows how bigoted his parents are to even offer a sanctuary for him.

She's convinced Naruto likes him which...she must just think that only because he brought up him being gay and she thought he was questioning his sexuality or something. That's it, all she's going on are assumptions. Naruto has never once said...

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because it's not true.

Imagine, Naruto Uzumaki liking him of all people. What a joke.

☾

 

A whole month has passed since his botched graduation speech. He doesn't have a full-body freeze when he thinks about it, but he surely never wants to think about it ever again. It would be amazing if he could just erase his memory of the event completely...and the memory of everyone else who was there. But he can't do that so he'll just pretend that everyone who was there is a bot with no real consciousness so it can't actually affect him what they think.

Was it egotistical to pretend that no one else actually exists to save himself from embarrassment? Maybe, but it was the strongest coping mechanism he had to stave off the feeling of wanting to kill himself because of it.

The summer was still going super slow. At least now half of it is basically over.

Oh, wait. Today was...

His eighteenth birthday. It's July 23rd today.

Just as he thought it, now that the clock was at midnight, he received a text from his one and only best friend.

Naruto

Happy Birthday Sasuke!!

It makes him feel some sort of way. A mix of feelings actually, the most notable was guilty since he's been avoiding Naruto for a while and only chose to go out with him that one time to the beach. Naruto waited to text him a happy birthday today. Animated confetti goes across his screen when he taps the text to see it.

Naruto was probably counting down the seconds so he could send the text but Sasuke was trying to forget the days entirely. He barely wanted to think about this day.

You're an adult now!!

Sasuke wants to answer, 'Why do you always use two exclamation points?' Is it some sort of tick? But he doesn't. He doesn't respond at all for a moment. But with the day he's predicted to have...he caves in.

Thank you

He doesn't fall asleep until hours later, as per usual. He spends most of his time watching videos, and when it got boring he'd switch to a more interesting clickbait title. His attention span was shrinking daily.

The sun was beginning to come up before he actually started to fall asleep. Maybe pure exhaustion will be on his side this time.

It was, but a little too much. It's the worst night he's had in weeks, but he pushes through it as if he got all the sleep he needed. Does he even need eight hours anymore really?

"Good Morning Sasuke, surprised to see you up before noon." He hears his mother's sarcastic voice first thing in the morning. He only brought himself down here cause his body dragged him downstairs to eat something. Literally anything it's been a while.

He yawns, base of the palm of his hands sinking into his eyes, trying to force himself up for this interaction. Then his mind forms a question. His mother is off work today? Why?

"You're off work today."

He voices this observation. He doesn't say it like he's surprised or happy. Even though he is surprised, but not happy. His mother being here meant unnecessary hoops he'd have to jump through.

"Don't look so unhappy to see me." She corrects, and Sasuke fixes his shoulders at her tone. It was more autonomic than conscious.

"I'm not." It's a blatant lie, he thinks they both knew that.

"Come on, we're going to go out today."

His heart lifted if only for a millisecond. What? But it got poisoned into something else and the sliver of momentous excitement morphed into dread.

"Something exciting is happening today," She smiles, voice gleeful. She was in a good mood. Why? If couldn't be.

It definitely wasn't because of him.

"What's going on?"

Was this her way of surprising him? Pretending she forgot his 18th birthday mentioning stuff as if it has nothing to do with him... Then surprising him as if that was her plan all along? No. His mother wasn't that calculating. She must have forgotten...like last year. He wasn't going to mention it. He's not a kid. It doesn't matter anymore.

"Sasuke." She says seriously, hands on his shoulders, "Why are you playing dumb? You already know."

It is July 23rd right?! What is going on later today?

There's nothing else going on, so it must be...But he didn't want to let himself believe it only to be proved wrong.

"Sorry Mom, yeah, I remember," he plays it off as if he was just messing with her intentionally.

"Good. Oh and Sasuke, I know you have nothing to wear in that closet of yours. Ask Itachi if he has anything nice you can wear."

"Do I have to ask him? His stuff doesn't even fit me."

She gives him a look as if to say, Are you seriously asking me if this is optional?

Sasuke turns to go back upstairs, then he remembers why he even came down in the first place. He wanted to eat something, but he wasn't about to complain to his mother that he should eat first before asking. So he will put it off for longer. Is Itachi even awake now? He doesn't want to ask him for anything.

He knocks on the door. (Trying to not get upset over the fact that he's the only one not allowed to close his door all the way.)

"Come in."

Sasuke turns the doorknob, opening it halfway. Itachi doesn't even look up.

"Sasuke? What a surprise." He says dryly, not taking his eyes off his computer. "What do you want?"

He acts like Sasuke comes in here all the time asking for something.

"Mom wants me to ask you for some clothes to wear."

"You don't have any clothes?"

"I do, she just thinks I don't have anything nice."

"Why don't you?" He says almost accusingly. As if it would be his fault he doesn't have anything she seems appropriate for whatever this is for.

"Why would I? I don't go anywhere."

"You can check my closet, but if you mess anything up, I'm making you fix it all again."

"This isn't even that neat, what is there to mess up?" Sasuke mutters, but complies anyway. He scans over the blazers his brother has and he has three different dress pants. For what?

"That's definitely not gonna fit you." Itachi comments unnecessarily, Sasuke knew that.

"None of it will." Sasuke says, "I told her that your clothes are too big for me. You're freakishly tall."

"You're freakishly short, you did not inherit the good Uchiha genes clearly."

"Oh and you did."

"I mean look at me."

Arrogant fuck.

"I'm going, keep your long ass pants and blazers."

"Gladly."

This just meant he was going to have to buy clothes with his mother today wasn't he. Is this really so fancy that he even needs nice clothes? What were they even doing? It's his birthday can't he just stay home?

Did any of his family remember? Or did they remember but just not care?

He goes to his mother and tells her he couldn't find anything. She thinks he's lying but moves on anyway.

"I guess we'll just have to buy something then."

"Is it really such a big deal I have to wear something new? I already have clothes, why I can't I—"

"Don't argue with me, I'm already annoyed with you."

"Annoyed over what?! I didn't even do anything...?"

"Come on let's just go," She doesn't give an answer.

"Now?" He's still in his pajamas.

"Yes, now, before traffic starts."

Today is a Saturday though. Honestly how much traffic could there be? But he rolls with it. Getting dressed quickly. He smells his clothes before putting them on just in case they're the dirty ones. He seems to be fine, if his mom doesn't say anything then he knows he's good. She would undoubtedly make her opinion known.

His mother yells at him to hurry, and she's standing in the doorway, keys in hand. She's ready to leave right now, so they get into the car not a second later.

The trip to get clothes reminded him of when he was a child. He would go shopping with his dad to pick out clothes. That was more frequent when he was way younger, though. As he got older he picked out basics as to not spend too much of his parents money. He tried not to ask for anything more than just what he needed.

He also got Itachi's old clothes, and this made up the majority of his wardrobe. But Itachi's build was completely different, he had the time and energy (and motivation) to go to the gym all the time. It's crazy how it was so obvious how vain he was, but no one ever seemed to notice.

Itachi's clothes would hang over Sasuke's shoulders, wrap his body in the wrong places, and just make him look bad no matter what it was he wore. It made him feel pretty shitty about himself. Itachi made a snide comment once that maybe if Sasuke ate better he wouldn't look like that. He wished it didn't hurt him but it did.

Maybe his bad eating habits stunted his growth. But it can't have been that bad right? He only...started getting this bad at like fifteen. Or so. It's a blur. Most of his memories were. Whatever it doesn't even matter, he's likely stopped growing, so he won't be as tall as Itachi, but his height isn't exactly that short. Naruto is pretty much the same height, and it's likely he's not growing much either. He tries not to get hung up about it.

"Sasuke, you're so silent today."

It's not like he's talkative. Especially when it feels like everything he says will be taken the wrong way or just dismissed outright.

"Didn't sleep well," He supplies, and his mother's face sours.

"Maybe if you weren't on your phone at night, you would be sleeping better."

"Yeah, I'll be sure to work on it." He lies, he should have expected a response like that. She always likes to blame his 'problems' on his excessive use of technology. It 'teaches him things' he would have never felt otherwise had he never gotten his hands on one. Apparently, depression doesn't exist in a world without phones.

He wants to live in that world she's dreaming of, must be fucking nice.

"Out, we're here." She motions with her free hand to him. He exits the car, the door slams a little too loud for comfort, and he's glad his mother doesn't say anything about that. He actually didn't mean that one.

She's rushing as if they have to leave within the hour. Whenever she has to do something, Sasuke's always too slow and inconsiderate, but whenever he has to be driven anywhere suddenly it takes her an hour to get ready. It makes him want to make this trip longer than it needs to be just to piss her off. But he doesn't want to be with her longer than necessary when she's like this so that wins out in the end.

He gets something in his size, and it's not too expensive, she seems satisfied with that, and he couldn't care less at least they're going home now.

Sakura said happy birthday, this brings his birthday count to two, but none of them are from his actual family. He tells her thank you, and moves on. She's always had a bit of a crush on him, and he never knew how to let her down so he just pretended he didn't see it. Just because he was out to Naruto didn't mean he wanted to be to everyone else.

Sasuke carries his new clothes back to his room, he's glad they fit, he doesn't look terrible in it, but the sleeves were just a little too long. It looked fine when his arms were down. His mother said it was fine when he tried it on.

Apparently, they aren't leaving until six. Sasuke still has absolutely no clue what is going on, but he'll act like he does.

His father comes back home around 5:30, when he changes he tells Sasuke to change too. He doesn't like the look his father gives him when he asks Sasuke to "look presentable" it implies he looks like shit all the time. What would he know? He's not even here. And when he is, Sasuke avoids him like the plague.

"We're going to be late if you don't hurry up Sasuke," His mother calls, and he's already dressed, he's just been sitting on his bed. He doesn't have any good shoes that go with this, he just wears sneakers all the time. His most dressy shoes are his winter boots. They didn't think this through.

He puts on his mostly dark colored shoes hoping it's not noticeable. Then he wonders why he even cares to try. They're going to say something regardless. Why does it matter? It's his birthday, and he's so uncomfortable right now.

"Coming," He replies, putting on his shoes, lacing them up tight so they won't unravel when he's walking. The laces are too long so he needs to tuck them with his socks.

"Finally," Fugaku sighs, he wasn't even waiting that long. He told him to get dressed like a couple of minutes ago. These people are so impatient. He guesses old people are just like that. Too close to death or something.

Itachi's sitting down on his phone, Sasuke looks his way and sees he looks great. He's truly perfected the 'I didn't put that much effort into my appearance' attitude. Astonishing, truly, he should teach a class.

"Are you ready?" Fugaku asks him and Sasuke just nods. He still didn't know what was going on, why were they so serious?

"Let's go then, your mother's in the car."

The drive there is not too long, but it's longer than he likes to spend with his entire family that's for sure. His father starts asking questions his way looking at him through the rear view mirror. Sasuke doesn't like the view from his backseat, it makes him feel like he's being interrogated.

"How are you feeling about starting college soon?"

"Fine."

"I hoped since Naruto wasn't going to your school before you'd focus more on your studies instead but..."

"Fugaku I think it's good Naruto's going, Sasuke needs friends."

He finds it odd his mother said something.

"Yes, friends are important," He says it like it's the most forced thing ever. It's probably just to placate her. "But friends don't help you earn your degree."

"Naruto isn't stupid." He feels like that was a bash at his best friend, and he feels the sharp twinge of anger. Of course he's going to defend his best friend. He's the first one who even wished him a happy birthday.

"He's not exactly smart now is he?" Fugaku says snidely, and that's when he sees traits of Itachi also shine through. They're more similar than his older brother would ever say truthfully.

"Turn left, Fugaku." Mikoto says, pointing, Sasuke wanted to tune out the rest of the ride. But that was rude.

"Oh right," He hears his father say as he looks out the window instead. He tries to guess where they'll end up but he has no clue right now.

"Itachi," Fugaku grabs his older brother's attention now. Maybe he'll be free the rest of the way. "Have you thought about what you want to say?"

"Yes, of course."

Sasuke looks at him questioning. What was this about? Now he's sure today wasn't about him. But what was going on? He wants to ask. But his mom said he should already know.

"Sasuke make sure to not do anything stupid. Today is not for you to start shit."

He wants to say Name one time, but he doesn't. He could fill an entire room with slips of paper of all the things he hasn't said, and all the things he thought later.

Still, he's had enough.

"I thought—" he tries to start the process of getting to the fucking point, but he's interrupted.

"We're here."

Sasuke just decides to shut up 'cause he'll find out soon enough. Just what it is that his mother and father were both so worked up about, and why he needed to dress nice at all. Clearly it wasn't for his birthday, why was he so...

He already knew today wasn't about him. He already knew.

"Mr. Uchiha? The other party is already here so I'll just..." they're led through the restaurant and it's the most extravagant place Sasuke has ever been to. It's not saying too much since his family hardly ever wanted to eat out. They cooked dinner at home most days. (They being his mom with Sasuke as assistance sometimes) Eating delivery was more common than leaving the house to eat at a real restaurant.

He knew his family could afford it. His father did like to say he was the one who made most of the money. Fugaku was an attorney and he never liked to hear any information about his father's cases. It was not only boring, it just made his father seem even slimier whenever he thought of it. His mother worked at a hospital as an RN. She worked arguably more than Fugaku did but made less.

They were both more than financially secure and could easily send both their sons through college without any loans, or financial aid. But they were the cheapest people Sasuke knew. It was mostly Fugaku. His mother liked buying things but he took hold of the budget, even the money his wife earned herself. Sasuke took note of what not to do in a relationship and what not to tolerate either. It was absolutely insane how much she let him get away with.

The other party at the table was Itachi's girlfriend and what Sasuke assumed to be her parents. What?

"Itachi!" His girlfriend squeals, and sees Sasuke. They don't like eachother—at least Sasuke doesn't like her— but she takes the chance to hug him as if they're best friends. He hates the way he feels afterward.

He sits down at a seat closest to the exit.

"This is my mom and dad," She introduces everyone.

"Sasuke say hello." His mother harshly nudges him a minute into this interaction.

"Hi," he says plainly, his father gives him a look.

"We wanted you all to come to dinner today because we are getting married!"

This was what his day was ruined for?

He wants to throw up.

The distaste must appear on his face. His father glares even more at him. His mother gives him a look of disapproval as well. He tried to keep his face neutral. He doesn't want to hear anything, feel anything.

He doesn't care that his brother is getting married to his girlfriend at the age of 22. Fresh out of college and now ready to get married. Sure it was weird, but he couldn't care less. At the end of the day did it really even affect him.

Yes, it did.

"..Sasuke, you're going to be part of the wedding," Itachi addresses him, and it pulls him out of the haze he's in. "Don't worry it won't be at least for a year."

He wasn't worried. He's sure he could be difficult enough to get out of something like that.

"Great, I'm so happy for you." He says it with the most non sarcastic voice he can muster. But anyone who knows him would tell it was. Lucky Itachi's dumbass girlfriend doesn't know him and neither do her parents. They think he's so serious. It almost makes him want to laugh. But his mom wants to smack him upside the head he's sure.

He's glad they're in public but he's sure to be yelled at later. He'll take his wins when he can. They were scarce.

"I'm sure you'll find a nice woman soon."

"I'm not too concerned about dating, I'm not too worried about it." He answers, wondering if Itachi knows why exactly he's not worried about finding a "nice woman" soon.

"Yeah I'm sure someone like you wouldn't be worried about it."

What does that mean?

"He means Sasuke is so focused on his studies, he never gets out of that room honestly." Fugaku says, and Sasuke looks in his direction. Why did he feel the need to say something? As if he felt the need to cover up for something else. It made his body tense.

He's not liking this one bit.

He's kind of hungry but doesn't order much. The appetizers kind of sucked and the plating was a bunch of fancy nonsense. Deconstructed ingredients or whatever, some sort of trend. The best thing was a sauce, and he slathered it all over his few bites of Calamari. The crab cakes weren't half bad, but they were more instagrammable than they were actually edible.

Everyone else seemed to be fine so maybe he was just the outlier.

"Sasuke, you're very quiet, why don't you tell us how you're doing in school. Oh wait, you just graduated didn't you? How was that?"

Sasuke would bet any amount of money Itachi went and told his girlfriends parents about how he graduated just to make him uncomfortable. Was it a little unrealistic? Yes. Could he be told otherwise? Absolutely not.

He looks toward his brother, who just takes a sip of his water. I bet he's hiding a smirk.

"It was good." He lied like it didn't even happen at all. Like it didn't still bother him.

"I was valedictorian actually. I gave my speech, and it was good." Saying this out loud felt wrong. His parents are looking at him, but what the hell were they going to say? Tell him he fucked it up and make things awkward? Then they'll look like assholes in front of their son's fiancé'a parents. Sasuke could take the hit if they managed to do that.

"Oh wow, valedictorian hm?" She said it like she was impressed which was funny to him since there's no way she doesn't know Itachi was valedictorian at the same school prior. "How old are you now?"

He wants to laugh.

"Eighteen."

"You're seventeen." His mother corrects. Were they going to do this now? Because he will. He will.

"No," he laughs with no happiness, "I'm eighteen mom."

She looks at him strangely, as if she's angry that he's lying. As if she would know her sons birthday.

She didn't. She hasn't remembered since he was fourteen years old.

"Mom," he says, deep breath, "Today, is my birthday. I turned eighteen today."

She looked stricken.

"No," She presses, laughing too, but it's strained. Her smile doesn't even look natural. "I would have certainly remembered."

"I liked to think so too." Sasuke can't help but say.

Their food comes and the table is silent.

Then the conversation resumes as if it didn't happen at all. He so might regret this later, but right now he feels almost vindicated just from that look do shock she gave him. A mix of horror and anger. Anger at him most likely. For not forgetting his own birthday and bothering to correct her about it.

They talk about potential wedding plans. His mother wanted to dress her up because she's always wanted a girl.

They talk about Itachi's future plans which Sasuke has heard more than enough of. He goes to the bathroom for around ten minutes just to stand around on his phone not wanting to interact. He almost texts Naruto, but he doesn't want to include him in more of his drama. This birthday was by far the worst he's had. He wants to lie in his bed.

The more he thinks about his mothers face when she learned what day it was the less vindicated he felt. The more sad and angry he felt. She really...didn't remember. She fought so hard to say he was still seventeen because she didn't even remember that today was his birthday.

When the hell did she think it was? Why didn't she bother to keep track? Why did he still sort of expect her to remember as if it hadn't been the same thing last year? Why doesn't he expect his father to remember at all? Why does he still feel so hurt by it? Why?

Why does he still care so much?

How come he always fools himself into thinking they'll at least remember this year?

He hates crying.

Fuck. He hates crying.

But now that he's started he just can't stop, and it's a few tears and his head begun to hurt, and his eyes—

He puts his hands over his eyes, bending slightly forward as if it'll crush the sob building from deep inside of him.

He wished he could just stop. He was being so dramatic right now. It wasn't that serious, it never was. He's being ridiculous, this was stupid to cry over. It didn't even matter.

"Sasuke?" It's his brother's voice.

He tries to stop. He's trying so hard to stop and now make noise. He doesn't answer, the door is closed there's no way Itachi can see him. But he's afraid if he makes a noise his brother will know.

His brother is going to know he's sobbing in the bathroom of this restaurant on his birthday. He would rather his father know.

"Sasuke, I know you're in there. Why aren't you answering?"

He still won't answer.

"Are you upset that it's your birthday and everyone forgot?" Itachi asks, Sasuke can't tell if he's gloating or if he's just stating an observation. He feels like a child.

Stop crying.

"Are you...are you crying?"

He's definitely gloating, what a sadistic bastard. Sasuke hates him.

"No." He says back, but his voice isn't confident at all. It kind of sealed the deal. His palms are wet, and his head still hurts. He's sure his face is red, at least a little.

"Sure," Itachi says, "Come out soon, we're going to leave. Whatever you didn't eat is in a box now we're just going to take it home."

Sasuke doesn't answer. He doesn't care that they did that without asking. He just wants to leave.

"Though I know you're probably just going to throw it out."

"Fuck you." Now that's stronger.

"What? Just saying the truth. Now hurry up. You can cry in the bathroom at home."

Strangely enough, Itachi interrupting him did help stop a breakdown. Not that he's grateful about it. He goes to the mirror, hating what he sees. His nose is red, and his eyes are glassy. He tries to dry them, but now he's just irritated. He puts water on his face taking a deep breath.

It's not that serious.

That whole breakdown was dramatic as hell. What's wrong with you?

He feels a little better now but the self-hatred is pretty high. He can't believe he just did that. He's also embarrassed Itachi had to hear that. He's such a weakling.

When he gets out of the bathroom. Izumi's parents are gone, and she's kissing Itachi goodbye. It's disgusting, cause it's way too long and wet.

Sasuke looks up and away.

His mother and father look way more than pissed at him. Though he's sure they won't make a scene at the restaurant he can't wait 'til they get home. (Sarcasm)

"What the fuck Sasuke?!"

Or maybe he didn't have to wait until then and they're doing this in the car. Even better. Maybe they can finish them he'll take a shower first and avoid all of them the rest of his eighteenth birthday.

"What?" He says as if he doesn't know what they're going to say.

"I cannot believe you embarrassed me in front of Izumi's parents. We were supposed to be meeting them today. They're going to be your in-laws. How are you going to treat your mother like that?"

"Like what?" He pushes, because seriously, what did she mean? She forgot his birthday. His 18th birthday.

"You brought up your birthday as if it was relevant."

He looks at her for a long second. What the actual fuck.

"It was. They asked how old I was, I gave an answer and you—"

"Everyone makes mistakes Sasuke, you didn't need to point it out. Now they're going to think I'm a bad mother."

He can't stop himself, he cannot, he's fuming at this conversation, "You are."

The car goes still.

"You're grounded."

"What?"

First of all, he's 18, and hasn't been grounded since he was like 15 or 16. This is over him standing up for himself, and she was in the wrong. This was unbelievable.

"Are you kidding me?" He's going to get worse, this is going to get way worse. "You forgot my birthday, and expect me to cover for you so you can put on a show for his fucking girlfriends parents? Who gives a shit about them? I'm your son!"

"Don't speak like that to me—"

"No, you want to ground me, I don't give a shit. You ruin my 18th and expect me to be fine when you tell me it's not even my birthday on my birthday. You make everything about you somehow. How can I even accommodate when you expect me to also be able to read your mind?"

"Sasuke, if you don't shut the fuck up right now, I am making you get out this car and you can fucking walk the rest of the way home," His father says looking at him through the rear view again. He doesn't know whether he should push and really find out if that's what his father would do. He doesn't even know where he is.

He shuts up, the rest of the way is deathly silent, with the radio on low. His jaw is clenched so tight, it's only when it starts hurting does he even realize he's doing it.

There's so much he wants to say. So much glass he wants to break.

When they park the car in the driveway, he's the first one out the door, before the car is even in park. He storms up to the bathroom to take a long boiling shower.

Not caring about the water bill. Not caring when the knock on the door sounds like the fucking police.

He gets out changes, and waits for the other shoe to drop. To see what happens. What they're going to do. How bad does it get?

To some this may not seem like particularly rebellious behavior, but this is the worst he's ever been. Before was child's play, now he's actually kind of scared.

He barely remembers what he screamed at her in the car. His mind is racing trying to remember, but he only remembers how his voice sounded when it came out his mouth. How the curses spit from his tongue, and how his younger self wouldn't have dared to have dream of what he did today.

His father comes to his door around thirty minutes after he got changed.

"Stand up."

He blinks, he stands. His father smacks him hard across the face. Open handed, his head swirls with the whiplash. His whole body hurt somehow. It was a full-body shock he wasn't expecting. It's not like this hasn't happened before, it just never was with so much force. He sees his mother in the doorway, she doesn't stop him or say anything.

"You were unbelievably disrespectful today," He starts, but his head is still swirling, "I expect you to apologize to your mother, and then to Izumi's parents."

He wants to protest but instead he stays quiet.

"I don't care what the circumstances were. It doesn't give you the right to speak to either of us that way. We aren't your friends, and you're the child here. I don't care if you turned 18, your parents always come before you."

"Say that you understand."

He hates this.

"I understand." He says, voice low. He's holding his face. It's red isn't it. Will it bruise? He didn't hit him hard enough to bruise did he?

Fugaku doesn't seem to believe that he understands. "Your mother is right there, apologize."

Sasuke walks forward.

"I'm sorry," He grits out. It's the weakest apology ever.

"Sorry," He says again.

"Do you want me to hit you again?" His father says, Sasuke knows that he will do it.

"No."

"Then do it correctly."

He holds his breath trying to become the fake person they want him to be. He's the disciplined second son. He's always quiet, always respectful, and never ever speaks his mind.

"I am sorry Mom," He says seriously, glancing at her change in posture. She's surprised he gave in. "I am sorry I...disrespected you and I won't do it again."

She says nothing.

"Good," his father says, and he begins to step out. His footsteps heavy on the wooden paneling.

"Oh and Sasuke, give me your phone and laptop. You're grounded."

"When will I get it back?"

"When the semester begins."

An entire month from now?! Are they fucking joking—?!

He bites his tongue, hard.

"I expect better behavior from now on." He leaves with that, and the only things in his room keeping him sane. His mother leaves after his father, they're probably heading to bed now.

He closes his door slowly until it settles into place with a soft click. He yells into his pillow after they're gone, just to release some frustration.

He cries so hard in his bed in the cover of the dark. If he cries under the covers maybe it won't really feel like him who is doing the crying. He cries so hard and so long his stomach starts to hurt. It's clenching against itself and he finds it so hard to breathe, he's gasping for air as if there's no more oxygen left in the world.

His head hurts, and so does the right side of his face.

Today couldn't have been worse.

 

☼

 

It's not unusual for Sasuke to not text much. But from avoidance to not even reading his texts, Naruto thought he must have done something wrong. Sasuke wouldn't just stop reading his messages entirely right?

After they went to the beach...was he angry? No, that was a while ago, and if he was angry then he would not have answered that birthday text. But to not answer at all after that...maybe he was angry?

Should he go to his house to find out? He's already done that and last time he went no one answered. It's not like he would call to ask Mikoto how he is. He's not going to ask his mother to ask Mikoto how he is because that's unnecessary and weird.

He wonders if he should try going to his go to his house again. He can't really see any other option to see what's wrong. Especially when Sasuke wasn't even opening his messages at this point. But would going just aggravate him further if he was home?

He caved and asked his mother to casually ask Mikoto about Sasuke. She cares about Sasuke, and ever since he told her that Sasuke was gay (impulsively and stupidly) she didn't take it badly at all and hadn't told anyone. He was glad he hadn't made a mistake telling her. That had the potential to ruin his best friend's life, so he shouldn't have been so careless about it.

"Hello? Kushina, you hardly call what's the matter?"

"Who says I can't call an old friend and see how she's doing?"

"I suppose it's not that unusual but..." Mikoto fades out for a second, "Fugaku's here and you know he doesn't—"

"Oh you know how little I care about that asshole's opinion. I want to ask about you." His mother is either really truthful or such a good liar because it sounded so genuine. As if this conversation occurred naturally and he didn't instigate it by asking her to call.

"I'm fine, I have news I think would interest you. I wasn't planning on telling anyone else just yet but..."

"Hm?"

"Itachi's getting married."

Naruto doesn't know what to make of that sentence when he heard it. He hardly knows Itachi, all he knows is that Sasuke doesn't like him. So the first thing that jumps to his mind is how would Sasuke feel about this news. Is he happy for his brother? Upset? Indifferent? He hasn't heard a single thing from him.

"Oh really? He's so young, do you think he's happy, or maybe rushing into it?"

"I haven't thought much about that, Itachi seems pretty happy and Izumi is just the sweetest girl, I'm sure they'll be happy together."

Naruto doesn't like the way she speaks. It sounds more like she's forcing something.

"How did Sasuke react?"

"Sasuke..." she says as if she was just being reminded of his existence. "We went out that day it was announced, and he decided to make the evening about him—"

Naruto doesn't even know what happened, but he knew for sure that wasn't true.

"How so?" Kushina asks, paitent as ever, she noticed Naruto's understated rage, and motions a silent motion. She doesn't want Mikoto to know their conversation had a spectator.

"We decided to go to a restaurant, I bought him a nice suit to wear for the occasion."

He knew Sasuke would hate wearing something as stuffy as that unless he chose to. Something like a dinner to celebrate his brother's engagement sounds like the exact type of setting that would make him irritated as hell.

"We are talking with Izumi, and her parents and he's silent the whole time," She says it as though it's absolutely unbelievable how he behaved.

If they knew anything about him, they would know Sasuke wasn't even big on talking in the first place. Much less somewhere he isn't even comfortable. He didn't feel any particular way toward Mikoto was always nice to him, so he liked her already but this makes him change his mind on that opinion.

"Then they try to include him in the conversation graciously," Mikoto continues, and Naruto tries to make himself listen in instead of getting upset. It's pretty difficult. "Then he decides to argue with me about something, and doesn't just let it go."

"What was he upset about?" His mom asks just the question he wanted to ask. He felt like she was leaving something important out, to try to get her to agree.

"It was something completely irrelevant."

It wasn't, Naruto thinks.

"Well I'm sure he'll cool down, teenagers are just like that," Kushina lets it go just to appease her, changing the subject a bit to learn what she wanted. "How's Sasuke doing now?"

"He's holed up in his room as though we killed his cat or something, all we did was take away his phone. He'd always rather be in his room than talk with any of us. I don't know what he expects of us, and I don't know how to get through to him."

They took away his phone? That's why he's not answering. Naruto is glad that he knew now but he's still upset hearing all this. No way would Sasuke be so disrespectful that it warranted taking his phone away anyway. His parents were strict, but Naruto can't even remember the last time something like this happened to him.

"I would suggest giving him his space, and maybe you can ask him what's on his mind? Maybe you can reason with him and if he's still upset with you, you can see where you went wrong. Teenagers sometimes feel more strongly about things than you and I do."

Naruto felt like this conversation was occurring between a real adult and someone who was pretending. His mother, had always been paitent and kind. He thought Mikoto was too, but something about the way she spoke just was miles away from where Kushina was at. Wasn't it a little immature to say that her son was making the evening about himself.

Wait.

He pressed the mute button on their end, so Mikoto couldn't hear what he was going to ask.

"Ask her when did they go out," Naruto tells his mom, she nods, and then unmutes them. If his hunch was right—he hoped it wasn't—then he didn't make the evening about himself not at all.

"When did you guys go out? Naruto came by the other day and saw no one was there, so I want to see if it was the same day."

"Why did Naruto come by?" Her question is polite, but Naruto could tell there was an ulterior motive in asking it. Was she deflecting? Or was she fishing for information, trying to see if Naruto was there because it was...

"Just because," She answers quickly, it's believable, Naruto's glad his father's not here to see what they were doing.

"Well we went on the 23rd, Itachi suggested it since he had proposed to his girlfriend and wanted us to meet his parents."

Naruto's heart sank. They went out on Sasuke's birthday, and it was about Itachi's proposal. What the fuck?

"Tell Itachi I said congratulations," Kushina knew Sasuke's birthday as well, but pretended as if she didn't. She could see Naruto's mind racing at this news. He was angry, no doubt. "I'm sure he'll make a great husband."

"I can't imagine otherwise," Mikoto says, beaming. She had a completely different tone when talking about her other son. "How are you and Minato, still doing well?"

"Absolutely, but he's working a bit more now, in preparation for Naruto's tuition. I just got a raise with my promotion, so hopefully he won't be needing a student loan. I want to avoid that."

"Yes, those are pretty devious aren't they? Sorry Kushina, it was great talking to you, but I have to go. I hope you call again, it's nice to hear your voice."

"Aw thank you, Mikoto, have a good day."

The phone beeps when she hangs up, and Kushina sighs.

"They went out on Sasuke's birthday," Naruto says. Eyes looking far away.

"So they did..." Kushina answers.

"That is pretty fucked up if you ask me," Naruto says, and usually his mom doesn't like it if he curses.

"Yeah. It is."

 

☾

 

The old phone he kept in a box under his bed, will have to do for now. Now and until the end of August when the semester starts. This was so frustrating. It's been a week, and they still haven't given him his stuff back. He didn't think what he did warranted that kind of punishment but he knew if he were to argue his case they wouldn't bother listening. They'd probably say something like because he didn't actually buy it, it wasn't really his.

 

He never thought he'd have to use his old phone again so looking for it turned out to be a huge hassle. He's also tried looking for his current phone too but they must have hidden it really well. He couldn't find it anywhere.

 

He checked their room, in all the places he could when everyone was out for the day. He had to make sure to make it look as though nothing was moved even slightly out of place. He didn't want them to know he'd been looking through their stuff for it. He couldn't even find his computer either. The only place in the house he hasn't checked was Itachi's room. No way in hell was he going to go looking in there. Itachi would know, and he'd be pissed and get back at him for it somehow. It was probably in their car, that way they could be sure he wouldn't be able to find it in the house.

 

His old phone had a single large crack across it after he dropped it on the concrete once a long time ago. He was lucky he only had three months until he got his new phone, so he wouldn't have a cascading effect of incidents, leading to a fully shattered screen. He usually took good care of his stuff, so when it happened he was extra guilty. His things were always pristine because he knew his father wouldn't be so keen on replacing something he broke.

 

Though he found his old phone, it didn't have a cellular plan so he couldn't call or text. He only could download apps really, and play games he already had on it. The phone was stuck in the past with it's last available update before it was unable to upgrade its software. Yeah, his phone was really old.

 

He didn't have any social media on it either except YouTube which didn't count. He doesn't remember his login for his Instagram account. He didn't realize how much he actually checked it before he was locked out.

 

He'd frequent Naruto's account to view his old posts and his stories to see what he was up to recently. He actually used stories almost every time he went out and he posted once every so often.

 

Naruto's account was mainly random photo dumps, or of his food, sometimes there were silly photos of him. It gave the impression that he wasn't really taking himself that seriously, or he didn't think he was as cute as he actually was. Sasuke kind of wished he'd be one of those people who would post a real photo once in a while. A photo someone else took using his best angles, he couldn't be the only one who saw them. He could be that person, but wouldn't it look weird for him to try so hard?

 

Sasuke's own feed is only three photos, a photo of him he took around two years ago. It's him in the mirror, his phone covers less than half his face, and it's been under his posts for too long. He thinks it would be weird to delete it now, even though he thinks the photo is stupid. His hair was longer then, it's just shoulder length now. He actually liked his hair a little longer but he wasn't as secure as Itachi to make it as long. Besides he was a little worried he'd look too much like a girl if it was that long. Itachi could just get away with it, but he knew he looked too much like his mother for that.

 

So he cut it himself, not wanting to ask anyone else, or to go to a barber to get it done correctly. He felt like that would be an inconvenience his mother or father wouldn't particularly care for. It would be delegated to a certain day of the week, on their time. Until they said "not today" then the day came, then the actual day to go never actually came. He couldn't drive or pay so scissors and a mirror were just going to have to do. It was jagged, but he cleaned up the edges as best he could. No one told him anything, so it wasn't as noticeable as he thought. (Unless everyone who ever saw him at school just pretended like his hair wasn't the shittiest job they've ever seen.) He eventually didn't even think about it.

 

Naruto's hair has always been bright blond, and short. His father, Minato had longer hair. Sasuke always wondered how Naruto would look if he grew it out like that. He never wanted to mention it, imagine if he actually did do that.

 

He thinks about Naruto far too often for someone who's supposed to be distancing himself from him. He couldn't help it, the boy just occupied his mind all the time.

 

He was kind naturally, expecting nothing in return and just being nice for the sake of it. Naruto was genuine in the way most people weren't, and Sasuke was always concerned people would take advantage of that aspect of him. But Naruto wasn't as stupid as people thought, he could only take shit so far from people. He was resilient and bounced back from anything faster than a normal person should.

 

Like in the 8th grade he broke his arm, and he got the cast off an entire week before he was expected to. He was just born lucky.

 

That's not what he was envious of him for. Physical ability was never enough to make him envious. It was something far more unobtainable. But no matter how jealous he was of him, Sasuke could never hate him or wish his life to be any different from his own to be a little better. It was too selfish of him to even entertain the idea.

 

He'd always be just as he was, and this life he lived was the one he was stuck with.

 

"Sasuke, are you coming down for dinner?" His mother calls for him, it's been around two days since they took his phone. He's still mad, but if he doesn't think about it then it fades into the background. Always there but not as visible.

 

"No, I'll eat later." He yells back, but isn't exactly sure if he will. It kind of depends on how hungry he is and if he even wants to leave his room or not later. If he was going to eat, he'd wait til they were gone. He wanted to eat by himself.

 

Eating wasn't a pleasant experience nor was it an easy one. Some people live to eat, and Sasuke just does so because he needs to survive. It's more of a hindrance than anything to think about what he has to eat in a day because if goes an entire day without it'll feel like something is actually wrong...because why couldn't he? Why was it difficult? He didn't want to think about it.

 

Itachi was probably so happy that Sasuke was well past defeated after his birthday. He wondered if it was his idea to make the announcement dinner on his birthday. He wouldn't be surprised. When he thinks about the way he seemed when Sasuke asked him for something...there was just something off about him. Or maybe Sasuke was just desperate to see something in Itachi to explain his villainy. His evil intent must have been foreshadowed right? Maybe he could have avoided the whole thing.

 

If he knew what was to come, he probably wouldn't have acted like that because he did want to believe that his parents did care about him. In that roundabout way of theirs. He was hoping that they did remember, that they were just fucking with him. But then his mother decided to argue with him about his own age as if she knew better than he did. As if she knew him at all.

 

It was futile to think about the day over and over. So he won't anymore. At least, he'll try, it was difficult when he couldn't rely on his favorite coping mechanism as heavily any more.

 

He hears heavy footsteps come near his door. It's definitely his father now, he's probably going to tell him he doesn't care about his want to "eat later" and he needs to "come down now."

 

Again, he's heard it before.

 

He opens the door without knocking. His father didn't knock, because the door shouldn't be closed all the way.

 

"Sasuke, come to the dinner table." His father looks him over and gives him a rather different expression. Sasuke can't tell if it's disgust or disappointment. A mix of both perhaps. He wants to turn invisible, he wished he could just chose not to be perceived at all.

 

"I'll eat later." He tries to say it again, calmly. This would have worked better if he was still in school. He could have said he was busy with schoolwork. It's summer, he's not busy, and everyone knows that. He's just here, existing, unfortunately.

 

"Now," His father says with unwarranted but very characteristic anger. Sasuke wants to mock him. This was stupid.

 

If he pushes further they'll probably not let him eat dinner at all. He'll either eat with them or not at all. Actually...wait, that might have worked before they realized there might have been a problem. They'll never say anything, never say they noticed anything, but they knew something was wrong. Even if they didn't know what. Or why.

 

Sasuke was secure in the fact they'd never mention it. Itachi is the only one of them who ever has even alluded to it or mentioned it.

 

"Sasuke, you're beginning to irritate me."

 

Only Beginning? He thought he began to irritate him the moment he'd been born.

 

Sasuke gets up to sit at the dinner table a second after, his father behind him. The table is set already, and Itachi and his mother are there. She looks at him, she seems worried for some reason. Itachi's on his phone, texting. Maybe it's his fiancé. His face looks blank, but that's not enough to make him think that it couldn't be her.

 

He didn't know too much about love, but the fact Itachi has a fiancé made him laugh, no way did he actually care about her in that way. He was probably using her money or something. Her parents were rich, she would be well-off her entire life.

 

He sits down, giving a glare to his mother. She's definitely the reason his father pushed so hard to get him to sit with them. He usually would not care as much. He says nothing the entire time, only eating about half of what was served. To be fair the plates were huge dinner plates and his mother definitely overestimated him when she put the food on his plate.

 

"When does your semester start, Sasuke?" His father speaks to him directly, and the only thing he caught was his name at first. Then the rest of the question catches up with him. He's more prone to spacing out when he doesn't want to be somewhere. It helps pass the time much faster.

 

Another thing that helps is listening to music, but he only does that when he's in the car going somewhere. At the dinner table now, all he can hear is the clinking of metal against ceramic. The scraping and the shuffling usually don't bother him, but when he's already stressed and irritated it certainly does. That's probably another reason why he doesn't want to talk. He doesn't want to add to the sounds that are already there. He'd rather just not be here at all.

 

"August 22nd," Sasuke answers. They're trying to be civil with him, he doesn't want to be, but he will.

 

"That's a..." His mother chimes in, asking what day of the week the 22nd was.

 

"Monday." He says it as though it was obvious. He couldn't force himself to be peerfectly civil, no matter how hard he tried.

 

It's less than a month away. He honestly can't wait. He's not excited about the college aspect exactly, more so about having something to actually do and keeping his mind on something other than...

 

"Right," She says, a little put off that Sasuke would assume she would know what day of the week it was a month away, "Are you excited?"

 

"I'm not a child," He says instinctively. The sound of the setting of utensils against his father's plate rings across their dinner table. It was harsh and resounding.

 

"You can certainly act like one," His father speaks thinking his word is all-knowing.

 

"I suppose you can too," Sasuke says, his tone spitting venom, and his father eyes him dangerously.

 

"Sasuke," He warns.

 

"Sorry." He says it's not genuine of course, "That was childish of me."

 

He knows how to backtrack when he gets impulsive like that. Saying what they want to hear was the easiest way out.

 

"Yes, it was." He accepted the apology, affirming that telling him he was right was always a good strategy.

 

Itachi smirks to himself as if he knew what Sasuke just did. Of course, he knew. Itachi must have used the same shit probably even more. His brother is a master manipulator. Anyone he meets could be wrapped around his fingers and reworked like clay.

 

"Your mom and I are paying for your college education, I expect you to act appropriately while you're there," They're beginning this part of the conversation now?

 

They act like he's some sort of delinquent, unable to control himself around others. Sasuke's no delinquent, and perhaps he's unable to control his impulses, but that's simply because they have pushed him too far. Never has he gotten into serious trouble at school, and yet, they act like he is some sort of problem child. When it is them who caused the problems to begin with. He was sick of this. He sighs, simply looking far past where his mother sat. He wonders if anyone ever cleans the windows, he hasn't actually seen anyone do that...

 

"No drugs," Mikoto chimes in, "Kids have been dying due to drugs just being laced we can't have you be one of them."

 

Why does she sound so concerned? It's weird, between this, and the look she gave him earlier. What does she think of him? What does she expect?

 

"I'm not going to be doing any drugs Mom," Sasuke says, momentarily glancing at Itachi again. He wants to know if he's had drugs before. He probably has. Or maybe not, maybe he's got such a superiority complex that those things are not only beneath him, but they're also for the uneducated. Yeah, he can see that.

 

"You better not."

 

"I won't," He responds, again feeling tired and defeated. Is this dinner over yet? It feels like he's been sitting here for so long.

 

The conversation continues a bit more, Sasuke manages to slowly dwindle down their patience with him with few-worded answers and monotone responses. They decide talking to him is less interesting than Itachi, and move on. Mission accomplished.

 

He excuses himself from the table with little resistance, and manages to wash his plate and leave. He thinks it's the end of seeing them for today until his father comes into his room again.

 

What does he want?

 

"Sasuke, you used to be way more obedient and agreeable. I don't understand why you decided to make us the villains for some reason, but you need to get over it."

 

Does he mean he used to be a child? A human incapable of moral reasoning beyond 'I do what my parents tell me to, because if I don't, I'll get in trouble.' Sasuke was obedient and agreeable because he hadn't learned quite yet that his parents were literally just people. Just adults, who got together against all the signs saying they shouldn't, and had kids, and were doing a terrible job raising them.

 

Yes, he is including Itachi. No matter how much he hates him, and fears him. Sasuke acknowledges that his parents also did a horrible job raising Itachi too. There's no way that if Itachi was raised well he would turn out like that. There's no telling what he would have been like, but if it was all just nature and Itachi was born evil, Sasuke still thinks he would not have been as bad if he had good parents to begin with.

 

"Okay." He says, staring straight at him. His eyes are blank.

 

His father sighs, then he sits down at the edge of his bed. That was the last place he wants him to be.

 

"Where do you want to be in life Sasuke?"

 

"I don't know."

 

"You need a goal. A goal would help," He doesn't say what it would help exactly, because he doesn't want to say what he even needs help with. "What do you want to do?"

 

He doesn't have a single clue, he's not going to be like his father or Itachi. He can't think of a single career that interests him. He's kind of just doing whatever. He chose to go to Akatsuki University because Itachi went there, it's really as simple as that.

 

"Get a degree," He decides on.

 

"Okay," His father continues, "Your mother and I will help you. But you have to understand, that when you go off to college, it's completely different from high school."

 

He knows. It's much harder, it's more serious, if you fail it's a waste of time, and money...he's heard it all. He doesn't need another lecture.

 

"I know."

 

"I don't think you do," He says and Sasuke hates being treated as a child. They want him to act like an adult but treat him as though he is still controllable, and obedient as he once was. "I don't mean simply in academics. I don't think you will have any trouble meeting their standard."

 

That's the closest to praise he has ever gotten from his father ever. It was saying that he knew Sasuke could handle it. He knew Sasuke would meet or exceed their expectations.

 

"What I mean is, that college will expose you to certain things you haven't been exposed to in high school. No matter how good it is."

 

How innocent does he think he is? His school was full of kids who vaped, and snuck alcohol into their water bottles, and a sex tape was leaked of a couple in junior year. The only one who was seen in it was Ino Yamanaka. Sasuke was sure he could handle it. It's not like he didn't know the risks of alcohol, or drugs, or sex.

 

"You might find yourself wanting to have sex with a girl," Doubtful. Actually his father doesn't even sound entirely convinced of this. Did his mother ask him to give him this talk? He always needed assistance acting like a father, he could never actually think for himself despite being the 'man of the house.' "And you need to make sure you don't get her..."

 

Pregnant. Was he trying to tell him not to get a girl pregnant? He wants to laugh. But he was mostly too uncomfortable to do that. Why was his father telling him this? He must know he is gay. He hinted at knowing something was 'off' with him a while ago. Is he just pretending like he's a normal dad? Like Sasuke is a 'normal' son. No issues whatsoever, especially of a homosexual nature.

 

"Got it," He says quickly, wanting to end this conversation and get his father the fuck out of his room as soon as possible.

 

"Don't try drugs, there's an increase in Fentanyl usage, and imagine your mother waking up to see her youngest son on the news for having overdosed."

 

Good riddance. He suppresses the urge to say it.

 

He can't even imagine the reaction. Her dramatic cries, saying she never knew anything was wrong. Sasuke would never do that. It's the same scene he thinks about if he were to commit. What she'd say, how she'd act, how long she'd take to get over it. If she would get over it. She'd come into his room, pack his things, and reminisce about all the great times they had. She'd twist his words, and the memories he had with her, and make his passing seem like it was the worst thing to happen to her. The worst event of her life. How could her youngest son do that and leave her behind. She wouldn't spare a thought to how he actually lived. How he actually suffered, and how at least some of it was because of her. It would be the greatest fuel for her self-inflicted misery.

 

"Yeah, I got it." He pressed, his tone going from quick to entirely annoyed. His father takes this as him treating the warning lightly. He is because he does think it's stupid.

 

"You won't get it until something happens to you, and we won't be here to bail you out."

 

"Are you talking about a pregnancy or an overdose? Because I assure you I'll be fine."

 

His father shakes his head, giving Sasuke a long look.

 

"How did you turn out this way?"

 

It shocks him because how the hell is he going to put the blame for how he turned out on him and not the people who raised him perhaps? He was only a minor not too long ago, but it seems every failure was his own doing, and every victory only won with their assistance.

 

"You don't know?" Sasuke says back, as if to say, you.

 

Now his father leaves without another word as if he's beyond saving. And maybe he is. He falls back against his bed. Just four more weeks. That, right now, seems like an eternity.

 

Three weeks passed since that talk with his father. The weeks went by like the rest of the summer had gone by. The only feeling he could possibly compare this to would be if he was stuck idling in traffic. The cars in front of him not moving, their red lights on and there was honking that sounds far away and there was someone honking behind him close by. Everyone wants to get where they need to go but is unable to do anything about it. He's never driven on the highway before, he's been too afraid to take that step. But he had enough experience being stuck in traffic while his mom or dad was driving. They didn't handle it nearly as well as he is handling this summer.

 

He was hopeful Naruto would make a surprise appearance after he noticed he wasn't even reading his texts, but he never came. Sasuke tried not to let it bother him. He hated how he could be so fickle with his emotions. When he had such frequent contact with Naruto before, he couldn't get rid of him, he wanted him to stop reaching out so much. It bothered him to know that he made Naruto worry over him, but now he had no idea what Naruto was feeling, or what he was doing. Had no way to know if he was even on his mind at all. But why did he want to be? Why was it so important that he knew Naruto was thinking about him?

 

He was selfish, that's why. He felt bad for making Naruto worry about him, but at the same time, he wanted Naruto to at least think about him. Whether it was caring or worrying, he wanted to be on Naruto's mind. Because Naruto was on his mind all the time.

 

The day before classes were set to begin, though, Naruto showed up at his house.

 

He heard his voice from out the window, and he went to make sure he wasn't insane and just imagining things, but it was his father that got the door. The worst option in the house.

 

"Hello, Naruto." He paused so long in between his words as if he was surprised (and annoyed probably) that Naruto was here.

 

"Hello," Naruto answers, sensing that irregularity but brushing it off. "Is Sasuke home? I have to talk to him."

 

"Talk to him about what?" his father asks, even though it's none of his business. He would just go downstairs and pull Naruto away from the whole thing, but he didn't want Fugaku to send Naruto away altogether. He asked that question as if there is absolutely nothing Naruto would need to talk to him about.

 

"It's about the freshman orientation, I asked him if he got the email but he didn't answer. I don't want him to miss it tomorrow since it's mandatory," Naruto says, and if it was a lie, it was believable. Sasuke couldn't even confirm or deny it. He had no way of knowing if this was the truth since he hasn't had his phone in weeks, and had no access to his school email at all.

 

His father turns toward his window, and Sasuke falls back behind the curtains. He holds his breath as if that'll make a difference as to whether his father saw him or not. He didn't want him to know he was completely observing their conversation just now.

 

"Okay," Fugaku answers deciding not to question him any further, "He's upstairs, come in."

 

Sasuke doesn't hear anything after that as the door shuts, and they step inside. He decides to sit in bed and read a book he literally has never read that was sitting on his desk. He had a few days to sort everything out for his move-in day. He was going to take these books with him.

 

Naruto comes in a minute or so later, Fugaku opens the door for him and doesn't close it when he enters. Naruto ends up closing it after his father goes downstairs.

 

"Hey, Sasuke,"

 

"We have orientation tomorrow?" Sasuke asks this first to see if it was a lie or not. He thought it was too early to have orientation, but perhaps it wasn't.

 

"No, I made that up. We have orientation a week or so from now, but it's not mandatory I just added that 'cause I thought your dad would have told me to just come back later."

 

"Yeah, he probably would have."

 

"So you're grounded?" Naruto asks, but it sounded like he already knew if that was a yes or no. How? It's not like his father even told him.

 

"Yeah, it's stupid, I don't even want to talk about it," Sasuke says, "How'd you know, did you guess?"

 

"No, you uh didn't even read my texts for a week before I asked my mom to ask your mom how you were."

 

"Never thought you'd do that." He thinks about Kushina and Mikoto's relationship, it's always been a bit weird, they're not on bad terms, but they don't talk to each other like friends normally would. Sasuke wouldn't say their mother's relationship is the same as the random women he sees in the grocery store, but he never thinks that much about it.

 

"Me either but I couldn't come to your house again."

 

"Why not?" Sasuke asks which makes Naruto look at him a bit odd.

 

"What do you mean? I already surprised you by taking you to the beach, and whenever I come over unexpectedly, you're always annoyed with me. I didn't want to make you angry with me," Naruto says all this aloud, but Sasuke truly cannot understand it. He's a little annoyed when Naruto comes over as a surprise, but it's not because he doesn't want to see Naruto. It's because he doesn't want to deal with his parents who will make a weird comment about it, or say that Naruto is here too often. It's never because of Naruto himself.

 

"I am glad you came now then, I've been bored out of my mind," Sasuke's head tilts back in a mild exaggeration, then he takes his phone from his drawer by his desk. "Look, it's my old phone."

 

"Oh yeah, I remember when you broke this, and you thought your Dad was going to make you pay for it."

 

"He didn't, but I think it's just 'cause I didn't have a job and it would have detracted from my school work if I actually tried to pay him back."

 

He goes silent for a second, wondering about that. His parents always put his performance above all else, and sometimes he'd manage to use it in his favor. More often than not, though, it worked against him.

 

"Hey, Sasuke?"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"How long have you been grounded?"

 

"My mom didn't say on that phone call?" Sasuke asks, but Naruto isn't stupid, he knew he was avoiding saying what happened.

 

"She did," Naruto doesn't lie, he just didn't want to.

 

"So then why are you asking? If you know?"

 

"I want you to tell me what happened. All I know is her point of view, she said something like 'you made the whole evening about you—"

 

"What?!" Sasuke says, nearly shouting, the anger and resentment he's been shoving down threatening to return. "I can't fucking believe–actually no, I can fucking believe it, because she's so ridiculous. It's exactly the kind of thing she would tell other people."

 

"So what did happen?" Naruto kind of knew telling Sasuke what his mother said would nudge him to correct the events.

 

"Do you want the whole story or just dinner?" He really doesn't want to go through either but he would rather just say what happened at dinner.

 

"The whole story," Naruto says, and Sasuke begins.

 

He explains what happened in the morning, the conversation with his mother, and how confused he was. He even went a little in-depth about how he wouldn't let himself believe that the day was actually going to be about him.

 

"She said I was playing dumb, that I should have known what it was. Sometimes she expects me to be a mind reader...I think that she thought she told me and didn't want to "repeat" herself so she didn't actually clarify when I asked her."

 

"That's a little ridiculous," Naruto says, "Wouldn't it have been easier just to tell you? It's not like it would ruin a surprise if she thought you already knew."

 

"I don't know, I spent 18 years now trying to figure her out," Sasuke says, but he's not as irritated as he was before, talking about it now is kind of easy. Like he's simply recalling something he watched, not experienced.

 

He continues and says he had to buy an entirely new outfit she deemed adequate for the day. He skips over menial things like having to ask his brother for something to wear and not finding anything. The fact he nearly cried in the restaurant bathroom, and Itachi heard him. The fact he cried all the way when he got home and woke up with a raging headache.

 

"At the dinner table I wasn't really talking, and then Izumi's parents wanted to talk to me and then they asked me how old I was."

 

"Oh," Naruto says simply, understanding that this was the point where things started to go from terrible to really really terrible.

 

"I didn't lie, I didn't want to. I knew that they had forgotten by now but I didn't to expect her to get so upset. I told them I was eighteen, and then she corrected me. She said I was seventeen, and I pushed back, and she got even more angry."

 

"She later told me I made her look like a bad mother."

 

"Wow, she really said that? What did you say?"

 

"I told her that she was," Sasuke says, looking away. He's done talking now. Talking about it made it feel more real again, and he just wants to sink into the comfort of pretending.

 

"Sasuke, I'm sorry that happened to you...I don't even know what to say I didn't even know your mom was like that. She's always so nice."

 

His mother and Itachi have that in common at least, they'll always deny others a view of exactly how they are. His mom is always nice to everyone, but bitter and mean to him and doesn't pretend to act like she's in love with his father. Itachi deny's his real self to everyone except Sasuke, and himself.

 

"Yeah, it's kind of part of narcissism."

 

Naruto laughs and it eases some of the tension in the room. Sasuke lets his shoulders relax just a bit, but he's still on edge. He doesn't really want to continue talking about this.

 

"So, your birthday was horrible. How did it feel when you got back home?"

 

"That's when we had the argument." He answers as if that answers the question.

 

"Okay...but that's a stressful situation, what did you—"

 

"You sound like you're trying to be a therapist Naruto," He snaps harshly, Naruto recoils, almost flinching at that harshness.

 

"Sorry," Naruto says and Sasuke apologizes softly at the same time. He's trying to calm himself down. It's not working.

 

"I just want to help. You don't have anyone else it seems."

 

He's right. He doesn't.

 

"I know," Sasuke answers, he does know this. But Naruto trying to get him to talk about how he feels makes him feel uncomfortable. Like he's just swallowed something disgusting, and needs to vomit to get it out of his system.

 

"Are you going to keep avoiding me when we get on campus?"

 

"I haven't decided yet." Yes, he has. He just wants to pretend like he won't try to stop being Naruto's friend. He wants to pretend, just for this afternoon that things were fine like they were before high school ended, and Naruto is just here to talk like friends do.

 

"I don't think that's true," Naruto says, and it's almost sad. It breaks his heart like nothing else does. He doesn't directly respond.

 

"Remember when we were at the beach?" Sasuke doesn't know why he's bringing this up now, he probably just wants to change the subject but also let Naruto know he does actually care. It's not like just because he might be pushing him away that he all of a sudden doesn't care about him anymore.

 

"Yeah," Naruto says, wondering where he was going with this.

 

"I normally dislike the beach, but because it was with you I was okay with going," He confesses this even though he didn't think he would. He didn't know how else to put it into words just how much he cared. Naruto looks at him and Sasuke thinks he understands.

 

"I said, Sasuke don't close the door–" when you have friends over. Sasuke's mind finishes the sentence when Naruto interrupts him.

 

"That was me," Naruto says, "I closed the door, sorry Mr.Uchiha."

 

His father looks at him with contempt, but leaves the door open when he walks away.

 

"I feel like he wasn't always that mean." Naruto comments.

 

"He wasn't." He's only acting differently because now he thinks Sasuke is in love with Naruto and wants them to be apart all of the time. Sasuke wasn't about to go explaining that part.

 

"Hm. I can't wait until you can get out of here."

 

"You and me both."

Chapter 3: Part One: Fall Nuisances and Freshman Year

Summary:

Sasuke begins to settle into university, and his roommate could certainly be better…but they could also be worse.

Notes:

I don't think there are any TWs to look out for except the typical self-loathing, self-hatred, borderline ED behavior. Thank you for sticking w my unreliable self, and I hope you enjoy this one :)

The agonizing summer was coming to a close. At this point, Sasuke was more than ready to leave his childhood home. He was certain that when he did leave everything would get better somehow. He'd be away from the naturally suffocating environment. He was under no delusions that it would occur right away, but being away in the first place would be a great start. He physically couldn't wait.

He was leaving the first day he could, hoping to be there before his roommate. He didn't know who they were just yet, he was just hoping they weren't loud and kept to themselves. If they met those bare of minimums he would consider it a win. Even better if they weren't an absolute slob. If they don't say a word to each other the whole semester, he likely wouldn't care at all.

Packing didn't take too long, there wasn't a lot of stuff he deemed worthy of taking. He only took his necessities, packing his clothes was the hardest part.

After a long debate in his head, he ended up packing the nice clothes he wore on his birthday. Despite the bad memories attached to it, he figured he couldn't only have his casual and rather boring clothes with him. He wanted to pack light so he could accomplish moving all the boxes by himself. Also heavy enough so he would not have to come back here for anything the entire season.

If all goes well he should be leaving tomorrow. Then a few days after would be the official start of the fall semester. He wasn't excited about that part of it exactly, but he was looking forward to having something to actually do.

This past week and a half had deviated from the norm only because his mother started acting a little differently toward him. As if she realized this was really happening? He merely mentioned that he was going to need to start packing soon, and it was like a flip had switched in her brain.

He only bothered to mention it because he knew he would need assistance getting there and maybe bringing his boxes to his room.

He didn't know that saying anything about leaving for college so close to the actual date would do something like this. By "different" he noticed she'd been acting strangely nicer as if he was someone else. Someone she felt she needed to be nice to. It felt a little weird to be treated the same way he's seen her treat other people. All he was doing was leaving the house, he wasn't leaving the country.

This only ever happened once in a blue moon. These moments where she suddenly became not only considerate but even happier about everything. These nicer and more agreeable moods only happened when she was already really really happy about something. This...wasn't that.

Those moods didn't make her simultaneously sentimental. She was almost sad, or nostalgic. Saying things like "my baby," "you'll always be my youngest boy," or "I remember when you were this tall."

She never did that. They never really brought up his childhood. He became irritated with this soon enough. She'd touch his face, and dote on him like he was suddenly a child again. This felt like she was pretending. Rewriting history before his very eyes.

She was playing this attentive, and caring mother. Could he let himself pretend with her? He couldn't bring himself to call her out on it. He couldn't push her away when she'd do any of this, he'd sit through it, awkwardly. Everyone in the house let it be, and he didn't want to be the asshole who ruined her good mood. Then it's his fault.

He started to feel almost...wrong for holding grudges for how he felt he was treated before. It's not like his mother totally neglected him. He had a roof over his head, and food on his plate. That should be everything he needed, everything else would have been superfluous. He was needy, petty, and ungrateful. She loved him, she always told him so. Right?

But in the back of his mind could he just forget all the things she's said?

He let her hug him more, and make what used to be his favorite meals even when he didn't want them. He didn't even remember telling her he liked waffles more than pancakes. That was probably when he was 12 or something. (Not that his opinion changed, but his fervor for the subject definitely did. It wasn't a big deal, they were basically the same.)

She reverted back to the past, recalling "good memories" they had together. Shit that he doesn't even remember and is pretty sure never happened. Maybe she's mistaking him for Itachi or making all this shit up altogether. He never once corrected her. He let her be this way because he felt like it was the last time he would see her like this.

He didn't have the right to ruin it. He only had to sit through it for a little while anyway. There was a consolation prize though. After a while, he noticed that this annoyed Itachi. It was definitely the best part of all this.

To pack his clothes he had to deep clean his entire closet. He had to go through every item he owned. It took him a little over two hours to go through, sort, and pack stuff away, and put what he was leaving back.

Most of his clothes were old, too small, or too big. His mom probably thought he'd eventually grow into them when she bought them years ago. He never did so he's just going to get rid of them. He pretty sure stopped growing about a year ago. It was a lost cause by now.

Anything that he chose to get rid of was going to get donated if it was in good shape. If it was too messed up to even bother donating it got the dumpster treatment. He wound up with a full big box to donate clothes and two medium size cardboard boxes of things he is keeping at home and around the same amount for what he is taking with him to college.

His clothes have a very similar color palette that much hasn't changed his entire life. Black, white basics, with navy, gray, and maybe the occasional red accents. There wasn't much to his closet before and there certainly isn't anything now.

He got rid of any jeans that were too skinny because he always hated skinny jeans. Pants that were too tight on his legs were not going to be worn outside or ever. Those were Itachi's thing when he was in high school, and he never saw the appeal. He just doesn't like clothes that feel super restricting (or make it very obvious what his body shape is.)

He avoids clothes that make him feel off whether they fit him or not. Whatever he saw on himself and made him think he wouldn't want to be perceived wearing this, then he got rid of it. Simple as that, and when he was asked to justify it, he simply said "doesn't fit," not wanting to go through the logic of it.

"All these clothes don't fit you?" His mother questions, she takes the box to put it in the trunk of her car. She planned on passing by somewhere to drop them off when it was convenient. Which to Sasuke meant anywhere from tomorrow, to three months from now.

"Yep."

What was she going to do? Make him try all of them on to prove it?

"Okay." She took the clothes without any further conversation.

❖

By the time moving day actually came,  it was an easy enough trip to accomplish since he only makes one trip, and Itachi and his father help with the other three boxes. His mother wasn't here though to see him off. She had something else to do, but she forced them to drop him off today and help. He found it a bit odd she didn't want to be here after that whole speech she gave him when they were packing about how it's important to be close to family and always be there for each other and whatever.

His father doesn't say much except 'good luck,' and 'don't disappoint me.' Sasuke just nods to prevent himself from saying what's on his mind at that. Then his father just says, goodbye. No hug goodbye or even a wave, just goodbye and it's the driest thing ever. As expected, it's not like he wanted any contact from his father anyway. He could at least pretend he cares?

Itachi doesn't say much either, but compared to his fathers' goodbye he might as well have written a fucking eulogy. "If you need any help, I'll always be available to help you." Which sounded like something he'd say during networking with one of his college alumni. Like them, Sasuke knew Itachi's help came with a price.

Sasuke doesn't roll his eyes at Itachi's words because his father is right there, but he knew Itachi didn't mean that in the slightest. Itachi probably said that just so his father would hear. It reinforced their solidified idea that Itachi is a great caring brother, and Sasuke is ungrateful and jealous of him.

"Thanks," he says through gritted teeth, "I'll remember that."

They leave Sasuke to do his unpacking, and he sits on the mattress. Watching them leave, he sees they both don't look back at him. When they're gone, right after comes a person he's never seen before. Sasuke assumes this must be his roommate. He's about to say hello to be polite even if he has no energy for niceties but they speak first.

"Well, that seemed pretty loaded, 'that your family?" He speaks a certain way that Sasuke knows for sure he didn't grow up in the area.

"Who are you?" Sasuke says mainly a little indignant because that's the first thing he says.  Was he just standing there that whole time?

He looks him over again, plain as day he had white hair and bright purple eyes. He can just tell he's...something. Former class clown maybe? Theater kid? Sasuke also guessed in a just-as-quick-fashion that this guy has to be some letter of gay. Though he didn't exactly make that hard to guess. He was wearing a purple crop top, and low-rise jeans meeting just at his waist. He also had earrings on and his nails painted, it matched his eye color.

"Suigetsu, your roommate?" He says, then gestures toward the door where there was a piece of paper printed with their names. Sasuke Uchiha and Suigetsu Hozuki. It was probably there to help them find their rooms before they got there. "Didn't you read the email?"

"Yeah I did, but how would I know you're Suigetsu just by the email?" He already assumed this guy was his roommate; he just didn't have a name to go with him. He also asked who he was because of his sheer audacity for making a comment about something that absolutely didn't concern him. This would unfortunately become a common theme.

"I'm in this room..?—ah whatever, just...it's nice to make your acquaintance."

Suigetsu holds out his hand once his stuff is on the floor. It's a dramatic gesture in Sasuke's opinion, they aren't businessmen or anything. Sasuke shakes it not wanting to be rude, but then Suigetsu looks at him for a long second. Sasuke feels uncomfortable under his gaze. Suigetsu smiles, and it's not unlike something he's seen before. Though less...predatory and more arrogant, maybe.

"You're pretty hot," Suigetsu says, then adding his name as if to test run it, "Sasuke."

"Not interested." He had to immediately reject that. Sasuke was gay but it didn't mean he'd fall for just anyone, and Suigetsu was off the target board in his opinion. Already he could tell they wouldn't mesh well. He could already tell Suigetsu had experience, and he definitely did not.

"Alright," He shrugs, it doesn't bother him in the slightest. "Like someone else? That's cool. Which team do you play for, if you don't mind me asking?"

He does mind, but he's sure Suigetsu doesn't actually mind if he minds at all.

"You said, 'not interested,' not 'I'm straight.'"

Sasuke doesn't answer. He doesn't really want to tell a person he just met that he's gay. Although, it would be easier for him to say it to someone who he knows is queer. Telling Naruto he was gay was difficult, and he knew his best friend wouldn't even be homophobic about it. So why did he almost actually answer honestly to someone who is essentially a stranger?

Why didn't he ask a normal question like "What's your major?" or something?

No one goes around asking, "Are you gay?" Was Suigetsu just weird or did he clock him already even without the not just saying he was straight outright earlier?

"Oh and I forgot to mention, I go by he/they pronouns, you?"

So he's non-binary? Or genderfluid? Sasuke's never met a non-binary person before, he feels a little bad for just assuming Suigetsu was a cis man immediately. But he supposed most people were hardwired like that, to just assume. Suigetsu definitely has to be from a larger city and he came to a different area for college.

"He/him," Sasuke answers, saving the information about Suigetsu in his long-term memory. He might dislike him at least a little right now but he won't disrespect him. It makes him feel a little bit at ease seeing someone so open here.

"And I'll let you wonder about the other thing about me." If Suigetsu just shut up here maybe Sasuke would like them more.

"What is there to wonder about?" Suigetsu says sarcastically like they've already figured him out, and Sasuke had a feeling they did, but if there's no actual guess so what did they know? Sasuke was fine pretending they didn't know because wouldn't be able to stifle his reaction if it was indeed correct.

Before he can answer, there's a soft knock at the door.

"You can come in," Suigetsu answers loudly on behalf the both of them.

At the door is a hesitant Naruto Uzumaki. He hasn't even been here ten minutes, and Naruto found him.

"Hey, is uh Sasuke...?" Naruto asks Suigetsu before his eyes turn and land on him. "Hey, Sasuke."

He's a bit awkward. Sasuke really thought he wouldn't have to see Naruto this early. He wishes Naruto had taken that nervous energy and stopped himself before coming in. It's a mean sentiment, but Suigetsu was just over here reading him like a book and if they kept going they might just understand who Naruto is to him. No thanks.

"Hello, I'm Naruto," Naruto turns to Suigetsu to introduce himself, Sasuke watches still having not said a word. He didn't feel like doing this right now. "I'm in 223, just down the hall to the left."

Sasuke had passed it after going in the wrong direction, he didn't even notice it was Naruto's room, and his everyone's name is on paper in case they didn't read the email.

"I'm Suigetsu, my pronouns are they/he, you?"

"No one's ever asked me my pronouns before."

"How do you want others to identify you?"

"A man? So I guess he/him," Naruto shifts a bit in his posture, he must be feeling a bit cornered being asked a question like that.

Sasuke knew Naruto was at least an ally, otherwise, he wouldn't have come out to him. He's the only one Sasuke told about his sexuality. The complete absence of attraction to women made him label himself as gay, but truly he didn't feel that much for all guys in particular either. Not in the way some people just crushed over someone they saw or some person they met a week ago. It always felt more complicated than just that. So far in his life, there is only one person he's ever been attracted to.

"See you got it!"

"Don't be condescending," Sasuke says pointedly to Suigetsu, there is a lot of malice there.

"Jeez, is this the boyfriend?" Suigetsu says in response to Sasuke's poor attitude. It surely must have just been a joke, but it makes him even angrier. He hates his roommate right now. They said 'the boyfriend' as if it was true he even had a boyfriend.

"No! No, no, no, no nothing like that," He stutters over his sequence of denials,  "Sasuke and I are just friends! From high school. Known him since we were little." Naruto quickly too quickly emphasizes that it's not true repeatedly. Suigetsu just takes this as more fuel to the fire.

"Really...?" Their voice is wholly amused and inquisitive, "Interesting..."

Oh shut up. Sasuke does not want to make that nosy gaze fall on him again, so he kept the words to himself.

"He's important to me, but we aren't, like, a thing," Sasuke wants to put his hand over his mouth to stop talking. Naruto seems to think his response wasn't enough of a denial and explains even further. "Not that I would have a problem dating guys—a guy—it's just I'm focusing on my studies and I haven't actually—"

"Okay okay Naruto," Sasuke begins to usher him away so he doesn't continue to make an absolute fool of himself. Why is he acting like this? Is it because he knows something is actually wrong with Sasuke now? He can't speak properly because he can't stop thinking about it? Or is it because he knows Sasuke's gay? Why did the notion of them dating get him like that? It's weird. He didn't need to treat it like it was severe.

"We need to unpack everything and I'm sure you do too."

"You're right, sorry Sasuke...I'll come back some other time, then?" Naruto asks but it's not really asking is it? Sasuke's sure he'll just show up again sometime. Especially with how close in proximity they were.

"Let me know before you do," Sasuke's response is a little unexpected, Naruto smiles.

"But you don't answer my texts."

"Doesn't matter. I'll likely see it."

He says it without thinking. Then he feels a twinge of guilt at the slight pout Naruto's face wears. It was a very telling admission he doesn't reply on purpose. Usually, he'd at least lie and say he was busy. Naruto probably did think he was keeping himself busy at least before. But now he knows it's completely intentional.

"Goodbye Naruto, I'll see you around." Finally, Sasuke is able to close the door behind him as Naruto steps out.

"That was also a lot." The second time they've seen something like that. Great. Suigetsu had a front view to all the wrong parts of his life now. He doesn't even want to know what they think about this. It doesn't matter. "Your life is like a drama."

If only he fucking knew.

"Mind your business." Sasuke snaps. Guilt, anger, and irritation come together to create his venomous tone and expression. Suigetsu steps back on pure instinctual pressure.

"I didn't even do anything? He came here. To our dorm? So I think it's my right to at least comment on it."

"It's not," He waves off, and he's taking his clothes to the bathroom to change. It's a hassle but he doesn't want to change in front of Suigetsu.

"He doesn't seem straight by the way," Suigetsu says, they're totally just going to ignore Sasuke's demand to mind their own business. "Like the dude is obviously confused, but I don't know, you should shoot your shot. You've known each other how long and never did or said anything? Hard to believe with this tension thick as fucking—"

"I'm going to take a walk." Sasuke slams the door on his way out.

"—Ice." Suigetsu finished, then to himself, he mutters, "Oh well. He's gonna learn the hard way I guess."

That first day, Sasuke did take a walk, a long walk. Avoiding everyone on campus who knew him along the way. He didn't want to waste money and get something to eat or drink, but he also didn't want to run into anyone and have an unwanted conversation. He kept his eyes on the path, looking at the campus, he could at least familiarize himself with the layout while he was here. The science department was the most lavish building, it likely had a lot of benefactors who supported it's construction recently because no other building looked like it.

He sees three people smoking at the other end of the small parking lot. He never found it to be particularly alluring, especially with the prospect of dying a slow death to cancer. If he was going to die, he'd much rather it be in a with a bullet wound to the head. Just the thought of a slow death in a hospital with machines all around him makes him want to kill himself. He knew he would not want to endure that, and for what? A meaningless existence?

He turns away from their direction, still walking aimlessly. What even gave Suigetsu the audacity to say all of those things to a stranger? He started sizing him up, someone he didn't even know, and made all kinds of assumptions about him. Never mind if they were true or not, just the fact that he voiced them...did he have any concept of embarrassment or shame?

Maybe it was just that he wasn't confident enough to say any of that himself. Most of the time he just hides how someone else's actions make him feel rather than confronting them head-on. He does this with his peers, his friends, and his own family. It's much easier to just bottle up how you feel rather than actually say anything anyway. He can control how he feels and acts, and he can't control a person's response to what he wants to say.

It's the middle of the day now and actually a nice day out. Taking a second to breathe lifts his mood only a little especially with the sunlight on his face. Something about a nice day just always seemed to make whatever bad emotions dull. He didn't make the effort to leave the house most days so this was a change of pace. Hopefully, this meant things would get better now that he was away from them.

Maybe he should apologize to Naruto. Or if not apologize, just answer when he texts. Apologizing and then being forgiven wouldn't really do anything to make him change the behavior. But if he thought about that expression Naruto made, he could maybe try.

Huge maybe, Naruto had been getting on his nerves ever since...He just wants things to be normal between them. For Naruto not to be so awkward and for him to just be sane.

When classes began, it was pretty uneventful. His professors ranged from incredibly lenient to overly stern. In his first-class it was a smaller classroom, not like the lecture hall he was sort of expecting. Unlike high school, the walls were bland and devoid of all personality. Likely because professors didn't keep the rooms they taught in like high school teachers did.

There was a whiteboard at the front, and when the professor tried to use the marker that was there, it was dead. Sasuke spent about half the class sort of paying attention then the other half trying to stay awake. He wished he liked coffee because he could use some of that right now. This was his earliest class, at 8 am which sure wasn't that early or whatever, but it might as well have been 5 am with the way he would close his eyes for two seconds and it would be hell trying to open them again.

"--And that's it for the first class, I hope you all actually read the syllabus because it details the textbook you'll need and what part of it we need to read before class on Thursday..." He continues to speak, but Sasuke was already putting his stuff away.

He did skim the syllabus, it took him all of five seconds to decide his opinion on the class. They did not need a textbook. This was an ethics class, was this guy serious? It's also like a meaningless large expense when he could probably find the readings online. The professor spent an hour and a half just going over the thoughts of Socrates already, all of which Sasuke could have just read somewhere else more concisely, and less confusingly. His first assignment out of five for the entire semester is due two weeks from now and he knows he probably won't start it until a day or three before. He's only being honest with himself right now because it's too exhausting trying to pretend he will actually get his shit together soon.

"...I cannot fucking believe that class is three hours, I feel like it could have easily been cut..." He hears some students say behind him. He agrees but maybe that's because after the first thirty minutes his brain was already trying to clock out. He seriously needs a better sleep schedule.

"Oi Sasuke!"

Sasuke turns automatically when he should have just kept walking once he recognized who the voice belonged to. No one from high school was calling his attention like that.

It seems his new roommate thought they were friends or something.

"Suigetsu," He greets in the most I am not happy to see you, way possible.

"See didn't I tell you he was just delightful?"

"I'm sure he's just super happy to see your annoying ass," The person who Suigetsu was with was definitely older than the both of them. Taller than Suigetsu but he looked similar to them. Sasuke would assume they were siblings, but with how they looked and acted completely different...maybe not?

"I bet," Suigetsu answers, "So Sasuke, what class are you coming from?"

Their brother (or not) leaves after saying he has to keep walking to head to his class. Suigetsu waves, and Sasuke is thinking of what to say to leave. His next class isn't for two hours. No he did not make his schedule. All the freshman are given one which was absolutely ridiculous but it's probably to transition them into college or some bullshit like that.

"That was my brother," Suigetsu confirms, "He's three years older than me and it's his last year. I bet he wishes he was four years older so he wouldn't have to see me around."

Suigetsu says this jokingly in a "brotherly" manner Sasuke could never understand. So he doesn't say anything to that. His own brother was actually four years older, and he was glad he wouldn't have to see him around. Itachi would figure out everything that was going on with him in a heartbeat if they were actually in close proximity. The matter of caring about it or not...well that was already confirmed on his birthday if he ever had any doubt about it. Itachi didn't give a shit about him.

"What about that brother of yours? Does he go to school here?" He could have almost forgotten Suigetsu was there to see Itachi and his father that first day.

"He graduated when I graduated high school," Sasuke says trying not to let the memories of graduation day come to mind. Even though it never really leaves.

"Cool, so he is four years older than you," Suigetsu says, "Man, I am sure you're glad that he's not here, he looked like he had a major fucking stick up his ass."

Sasuke can't help but laugh. It's a bit of a freeing feeling. Suigetsu looks at him a little confused, because he thinks what he said wasn't that funny. It wasn't, but at the same time it was hilarious.

Everyone who sees Itachi assumes he's a respectful, kind—whatever keep adding positive adjectives—and here was Suigetsu just basically saying no to all of that.

It was true. Itachi literally never stopped thinking about anything and everything, and Sasuke just thought it was funny.

"Sheesh, I guess you really don't like your brother huh?"

"Suigetsu, maybe I was wrong about you," He admits, after all of that, Suigetsu smiles and he's got fucking shark teeth. It reminds him of Naruto's sharp canines. Though they weren't exactly the same.

"Great, because I wasn't really going to make you hanging out with me a choice Sas."

"What?" He did not just say "Sas" what the hell?

"Oh look, my stop, see ya later!"

Suigetsu jogs to the science building after a backwards walk and enthused wave while a hundred feet away. Sasuke watches, maybe they were friend material. He will admit it, only to himself.

 

❖

 

It really wasn't a choice at all to interact with Suigetsu. If you didn't count the fact they slept and studied in the same dorm room, they still ran into each other on campus nearly all the time. The odds to Sasuke were truly confusing since they have vastly different majors and Sasuke didn't go out nearly as much as Suigetsu did. It's like he looked for reasons to not be in his dorm.

When they saw each other on campus, Suigetsu liked to wave or grab his attention with a screech, and Sasuke half the time ignored them or pretended that his hearing was nonexistent. If Suigetsu was feeling extra annoying on any particular given day, they'd come closer, and Sasuke had no choice but to at least acknowledge that no, they were not a figment of his poor imagination.

Sasuke even unwillingly learned the names of Suigetsu's best friends. Both seen on separate occasions, there was Karin and Jugo.

Karin Uzumaki, a bright redhead with glasses. He didn't ask if she knew Naruto's mother, since that felt like a weird thing to ask upon just meeting someone. He would eventually, the resemblance was uncanny. Karin was a med student and one year ahead trying to finish her degree as fast as humanly possible. Suigetsu said it shouldn't even be possible to take six classes and sleep and eat and shit. But he elaborated saying she can since she has a photographic memory so she really only needs to read everything once.

"It's her superpower."

"It's helpful, but it's also a curse," She remarked, and it took a second but Sasuke could think of a few reasons why she'd say that. Imagine being able to remember your worst moments in fine detail, he'd relive the things that keep him up at night all the time. With time, usually the worst of the emotions tied to a memory sort of become faded or hazy. He wonders how it felt for her.

The other friend of theirs was Jugo, he was so tall and built like a professional football player. He hadn't spoken when Sasuke was introduced to him and there was an intimidating air about him. The facade came down as soon as Suigetsu started talking though, claiming Jugo was a complete softy who loved Disney movies and would cry if you showed him Titanic. That was not what Sasuke would have guessed at all.

During the first week, Sasuke stuck to himself, drowning out his roommate with his music through his headphones. In the beginning, things were way easier than highschool, the day was more lax, there were less assignments and Sasuke had seemingly more time for everything. That didn't mean he started any of it when he should have though.

His precalc professor is absolutely insane and after the first week he started giving 25-question quizzes every week. Sasuke really should have read the syllabus all the way through because what the fuck? They can only use a super specific type of calculator that Sasuke hasn't even heard of. It's an old model he had to actually order, plus a textbook, he was already annoyed with this old fucking man by the first day. 

The only good thing about this class is that it's online for now because his professor is sick. He just sits in the library during this class and tries to write down what he thinks is important. But he already took precalc in high school, they wouldn't accept it because it "wasn't approved by the college." So far his high school version was harder than this. This shit was basically Algebra II in the beginning. The whole ordeal is so mind-numbingly irritating.

When his first two weeks are over and he wants to scream 'college is a scam' as he jumps off the roof of his dormitory building.

"Hey...you good?" Suigetsu asks once he sees Sasuke slam his computer down. He had just turned in that stupid quiz due in six hours. He would have gotten a perfect score if two of his answers had the answer to the nearest hundredth, he just solved it to the nearest tenth. It didn't even specify! It was so trivial, such a minute detail, that it was setting him over the edge. All of the little things keep adding up and it's driving him insane because he can't even seem to pinpoint when it all started.

"Perfect," Sasuke answers, dryly.

"Right..." He says, eyeing him, "What's your major?"

"What's your major?" He deflects.

"Biology."

Biology–?! Sasuke sits up straighter.

"What?" He asks, anger at the stupidity of computer software put on hold like a stopped record, "You're majoring in Biology?"

Yes he's surprised, he pegged him for an art major...or film.

"It's technically marine biology."

Sasuke stifles a laugh. Okay, maybe that was mean.

"Are you looking down on me? Hey!—what's your major then?"

"Aren't you in my precalc class? Did you do that quiz? It's due in a few hours."

"Uh huh I got a 50."

"A 50?!"

"Yeah don't sound so shocked, it's the first week, you think I knew anything? I'm surprised I got that actually," He doesn't sound upset by it, and Sasuke has no idea what that feels like. Despite trying to get out of his perfectionist habits, he still always finds himself trying to achieve it, even when he knows it doesn't really matter. "Is that why you were so frustrated?"

"Yeah."

"Don't worry about it, it's only the beginning." Suigetsu sounds completely genuine, and it's so strange having someone he only met less than a month ago treat him like they're actually friends.

He tries to take Suigetsu's words to heart, but they don't sink in.

His stupid desire to get everything he does perfectly or not at all really gets in the way. Then there's the fact that if he doesn't know exactly how to do something he won't touch it until it's nearly the last minute trying to "make it work." Usually, he knew how to do most things in regard to education, so when he doesn't know something it's intensely frustrating to the point it's pretty much debilitating.

For Itachi, he made it a point to mention that everything came easily. It was the central point of his arrogance, and made everything he said all the more irritating because Sasuke knew he could back it up. No one could ever say Itachi was just confident.

When Sasuke was younger, learning things took a lot of labor. Once he understood something though he usually never forgot. Since his entire education for the past 12 years was pretty much rehashing the same shit, after he learned it he didn't need to study nearly as much.

It's become a pretty toxic system though with a sort of ticking time bomb attached to it. He knew at some point he just wouldn't understand something at all, and that impending doom of having to realize he wasn't good enough at all would kick in and he would avoid it. Until he crashed and burned that was.

So yeah, it's only the beginning but he's already beginning to see the end.

 

❖

 

Sasuke Uchiha managed five classes pretty well. Just because on paper he was doing fine didn't mean he was all there mentally.

Five classes were the minimum for a full-time student, so he felt like struggling this hard was only his problem, everyone else seemed to be doing just fine with everything. He had Pre-calculus, Environmental Science, (apparently it was a general class everyone had to take), World Ethics, and English 2100.

The "fifth" class was a mandatory "Freshman Seminar" taught by someone who hasn't even graduated yet, with a faculty member sitting in the back doing anything but listening to the class. The "class" took place in a huge lecture hall which Sasuke thought was a huge waste of time. Every student in this large class looks exactly how he feels to be there too.

He later learned Suigetsu is also in this class but he hasn't even gone to a single one of them.

"My brother says they pass anyone regardless since no one is actually doing any grading. Your student teacher is definitely just doing it for the extra credit, and no one is taking attendance," Suigetsu says when Sasuke finds out he's in the same class. "Just submit the three one-page papers and you'll pass."

Sasuke actually ends up listening to Suigetsu despite the guilt he feels at skipping. He really didn't want to attend the class. It's his first class on Wednesday at 9 am, so he could easily just stay in bed for longer instead of going.

Until there's a mass email sent because of the amount of people not going, they're making students present the first paper they have to write. To present, of course, you have to actually be in class. Fuck.

At the bottom of the email, it says:

If you don't present you automatically fail the class, and have to take Freshman Seminar next fall.

Are they joking?!

What is the first paper even about? He pulls up the criteria, it's likely some sort of reflection of leaving high school or being a new adult. It only has to be a single page and it's freshman seminar so he can't imagine it's about something else.

ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:

- MINIMUM 600 WORDS

- SUBMIT THROUGH ANTI-PLAGIARISM SOFTWARE

1. What is your experience graduating high school?

2. How are you adjusting to the new atmosphere college brings?

3. Have you worked on any of the topics discussed in class?

He doesn't even know what the topics were since he missed the last two classes, but he sort of remembers the first class. They spoke about opening a student checking account, or debit account. He doesn't remember that well, but he can just lie about it. He's going to have to anyway, no way was he recounting his "experience graduating high school."

Fuck there were people in his old high school in this class. Could this get any worse?! He has a week to do this, and maybe he won't even need to present at all. If they go in alphabetical order, and everyone shows up they probably won't get to him at all. It's stupid to worry right now he should focus on something else.

"How many classes are you in?"

"Four."

"Including freshman seminar?"

Suigetsu was taking off his hoodie when he got back to their dorm. Whoever or whatever was in charge of the heating always made it fucking hot in the rooms. As if they were trying to suffocate them all with hot air. Before you leave the building, you almost forget it's fall because your body somehow thinks it's summer. Even if you check the temperature you're convinced it's still warm outside.

"No."

"Hm, so five classes?"

"Seminar doesn't count."

"You still get credits for it."

"But it's only 10 weeks, not 15," He says but it doesn't matter. "You are asking randomly because...?"

"When do you have time to see blondie?"

"I truly cannot understand your investment in my life." Specifically his nonexistent "love life" that is. Suigetsu had come up with the theory that Naruto is somehow in love with him. Unfortunately, he's been there four-ish times (too many, frankly) where Naruto and Sasuke have interacted and dubbed them "lovesick" it was all very annoying.

"It's because you're so shy about it. You don't look like you're single."

"How do I look?" He shouldn't instigate, but he is bored, and it was more instinctual than logical.

"You may not think so, but people would kill to look like you."

"I don't know why you're saying that, it's not like you're ugly."

"Why thank you."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"Yeah but it's the closest I'll probably get with you."

Sasuke does chuckle at that actually because he is right. No way would he willingly give a real compliment to them. Strangely enough, Suigetsu wormed their way into being his friend. Sort of, he'd never actually say it aloud, especially not to their stupid face.

But sometimes they were interesting and would recommend some movies for Sasuke to watch. They wouldn't actually watch them together or anything but Sasuke sometimes took the suggestions and he was usually pleasantly surprised.

Suigetsu liked doing art, so he wasn't too far off when he pegged them as an art major during their first interaction. Though it's mostly diagrams of whales, since apparently, that's their favorite marine animal. Sasuke thought dolphins, to which Suigetsu got very offended, and said very loudly, 'Fuck dolphins!'

He offered to take Sasuke on a boat jokingly which he not-so-jokingly vehemently declined. To which Suigetsu, ever the mind reader, decided to call him out on not being able to swim. He was correct, but it still hurt.

They also admitted that they immediately thought he was gay that first day which made him wonder how. His own parents think he's straight and just focused on his studies. Not taking a girlfriend because he's too focused. It probably takes one to know one, he guesses. But no one in high school thought he was gay either, (that he knows of) he didn't dress much differently than he does now.

High school itself was kind of a blur even though he graduated only months ago. He probably just accessories more. He doesn't exactly know what type of aesthetic or whatever that would make him seem gay. He's always hated that "you look gay" stereotype because what did that even mean?

Suigetsu was very comfortable in himself and his well—not masculinity, but identity. They wore pretty much whatever they wanted, and decorated their room with the same enthusiasm. He also loved incense for some reason, and lavender was his favorite scent to embed everywhere around their dorm. Sasuke never actually voiced any of his opinions on it, but it was so strange that he just felt comfortable doing whatever he wanted all the time. Just going with it.

Sasuke always asked before putting up something on the wall, to which Suigetsu would just say 'sure.' Or 'you know you can do whatever you want right?'

Suigetsu was pretty much fine with anything going up on the walls. Sasuke could probably put explicit porn and he wouldn't care. Not that he would anyway.

"I don't think we are allowed to drill holes in here." Sasuke brought up once Suigetsu got on his bed, drill in hand, and screws ready. They looked like someone that has never done this before in their life.

"What are they gonna do? Take the shelves off?" Yes?

"Maybe...?" But his words were drowned out by the sound of the drill right when he opened his mouth. Sasuke was not going to take responsibility for whatever the repercussions were of that.

 

❖

Due to the idiocy of the entire freshman class, and yes, he will include himself in this, the presentations were in the first week of October. Luckily, his last name was on the farther end of the roster, so he didn't need to worry til at least Thursday. Every person who went, from first to thirtieth was about as boring as the last, and Sasuke knew if he could just get over himself he wouldn't be any different. If he could just pretend no one was here at all, then maybe he wouldn't be so terrified.

His hands shake and he knew he wasn't going today. Imagine how he would feel the real day. It's insane how every time he does this, his emotions never get any easier to bear.

Unwillingly, his mind kept track of how long everyone was taking. Four minutes, five, and cutting it with seven. Not that he cared, the longer they took maybe the more fed up the administration would be cutting into the "curriculum" so he could just avoid doing it entirely. At least, that was his far-fetched hope.

Until two people didn't show up and they lost maybe ten minutes, and skipped ahead.

"Uchiha, Sasuke?" He hears her voice call him, and it takes him a moment to raise his hand, he isn't visibly trembling, but he can feel it anyway. He wasn't supposed to go today.

His heart leapt out of his chest.

He makes eye contact with a few students looking back at him. Can't they look ahead? He wants to ask if he can just stand in place so he can easily and quickly just sit back in his seat. But he doesn't since he knew the answer.

His paper's handwritten, and like his last speech, he went over it multiple times. Even aloud, alone in his dorm. It's simple, uninteresting, and lacks any and all character that was at least given to his graduation speech. He didn't want to be memorable, didn't even want to be perceived at all. He was foolish to think that would make it easier, as if he doesn't know himself already.

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha," With that, he's right back in Konoha High's auditorium, and his hands tighten against the paper, with a momentarily and seemingly (hopefully) deliberate pause he continues, "This year is my first semester, and adjusting to a new atmosphere has it's own challenges..."

It's generic, it's about the blandest he can get. He doesn't speak about the things that made him uncomfortable, completely skipping over the first question, and lying outright for the second. He was adjusting quite well to college considering it was a hell of a lot better than high school, and living in a dorm was practically a castle compared to his other home. He used just the barest minimum of words, and with a concluding sentence, he walks even paced back to his seat.

The students clap, but not because they enjoyed it, because they did that for everyone else. Red semicircles line the inside of his palms as he pressed his fists into his legs. With a deep breath, he tries to tell himself he didn't do that badly. Really, he didn't. Bad did not equal boring, so he did just fine.

But Sasuke can't help but nitpick at his own performance anyway. He spoke too fast, but if you didn't know him you likely wouldn't even realize it. He did pause, but he didn't stutter, he froze for a second, but not twenty. He didn't cry, and he didn't run away. His heart was pounding, and he continued anyway, ignoring everything in him that told him to stop.

So this was already leagues better than a few months ago.

He tried not to listen to his own intrusive thoughts. They told him that they were judging him, they thought he looked stupid, weak, and weird. He didn't belong up here speaking to a class if he couldn't control himself or his own emotions.

Slowly, after sitting down, his heart starts to regain it's normal rhythm, and his breathing evens out. His body slumps in his seat, and he closes his eyes. He's hearing everything but not listening to a single word of it.

The rest of class is uneventful, just one person follows him, and they are more lively. It makes him relax because he feels like this follow-up has already made everyone forget whatever the hell he said, which was ideal. He didn't want to be remembered.

He leaves class as soon as the minute turns to 2:35, but still, he barely makes it out the door when an unfamiliar voice calls his name.

It takes them calling his name twice, because Sasuke ignored it first, thinking maybe someone else was named Sasuke or whatever, but then the voice comes even closer, and more insistent when they call his name again.

"Sasuke!"

Out of annoyance, or maybe frustration, Sasuke sighs, turning around, and trying his best not to look like a total dick to whoever is trying to get his attention. (It's very difficult)

Sasuke's eyes latch onto the person calling him, a tall guy with a dark purple hoodie and jeans. He's wearing wide-rimmed black glasses, and he has steel gray hair. The detail about him that Sasuke notices last is the most outwardly sadistic look of arrogance on his face. It reminds him of his brother, and he withholds a scowl. Just who the hell is this?

"Uh hello? Do I know you?" Comes out meaner than is probably customary for strangers, but Sasuke just feels like this guy is bad news, so he doesn't bother policing his tone.

"We went to the same highschool," The stranger says, eyeing him. "I was a freshman when Itachi was a senior."

So he knows Itachi...Sasuke mentally works that out and notes that this stranger should have still graduated by the time Sasuke got to highschool. So why is he talking to him like they actually know eachother then? They weren't even a part of the same graduating class.

"I graduated this year," Sasuke reminds, trying to get the implicit message across. If the guy gets it, it doesn't really matter since he doesn't make an effort to leave.

"I got out a year before you, but I still doubt you know probably three people you went to school with," He says, smugly which makes Sasuke glare now, who is he to act like he knew him?

"I didn't catch your name," Sasuke slides over that obvious dig at him, he at least needs a name to this fucker.

"I didn't give it," He still has that stupid ass smirk on his fugly face, he's clearly liking the confusion in Sasuke's expression as he tries to think of who he is. "Nice presentation you gave there. I saw you that day on graduation. Someone took a real good video of you running off the stage."

The stranger looks like he wants to laugh. Sasuke's face pales as his blood froze in an instant. All the blood rushing to his heart seemed to stop, and his body was iced to the floor.

"What?" He says, not expecting an answer.

"Yeah you didn't know? One of your classmates posted your fail all over the internet, I would've thought you knew that, hm...Based on that I thought you would shit yourself over something this dumb and small today, but it seems to managed to hold it together. Good job, Uchiha."

It's so condescending he wants to throw up. His fingers regain circulation, and all he wants to do is run away. Maybe if this wasn't a fight he'd definitely lose, he'd start strangling him right now. Only his brother could make him this angry, embarassed, and sick to his stomach all at once.

"Just who do you think you are?" Sasuke finds himself saying, as his voice gets louder to stop himself from trembling with his words. He's not scared, he's angry, but expressing his thoughts became much more difficult when strong emotions were present. At the moment his confidence is non-existent, but he's willing to pretend. "You don't even know me, don't think you can talk to me however you want."

"Chill, I was congratulating you, relax," He says trying to smooth him over, but it's so obviously superficial.

"No, you weren't," Sasuke doesn't want to play nice, but definitely doesn't want to stay either, "If you graduated a year ago, why are you even in freshman seminar? Did you fail last year?"

That makes him stay quiet for a second too long, and Sasuke takes this as cue to leave. If this asshole tries to talk to him again, he'll just walk away, he doesn't need to put up with that. He's a complete no one. If he had to guess, he would say this guy didn't like his brother, couldn't do a single thing about it, so he was going to try to mess with the next best thing. Him. It's happened before, but never was it this damaging to him (because before no one had ammo to use against him. No one knew just how bad his anxiety was until he showed it in front of the entire graduating class)

He needs to find out who this stranger is, maybe he'll ask Suigetsu and see if he can name the face.

Sasuke asks a week or so later when he remembers. He hasn't seen him again which is strange since they supposedly have the same class.

"Do you know that tall guy with gray hair and black glasses in Freshman Seminar?" He asks Suigetsu once he gets to the dorm. Suigetsu hasn't gone to the class since he gave his presentation to everyone, but he's more social than Sasuke is, so maybe he knows?

Surprisingly, Suigetsu gives him an answer right away.

"Yeah, that bitch is Kabuto Yakushi why?" Suigetsu says, with their head facing toward the ceiling. They've decided to do yoga against the wall with their bed as the mat. When Sasuke doesn't answer them, Suigetsu turns around to sit up.

"He bother you or something?" Suigetsu asks jokingly, and when Sasuke stays silent, looking for a video of himself running away on that stage, Suigetsu comes closer still.

"He likes to bother anyone he thinks is better than him, trust me," Suigetsu says, and Sasuke doesn't have enough sense to shield him away from the computer as he's frozen yet again this time in horror watching his greatest failure on crisp video. He can't move, and he feels shame and embarrassment heavy in his abdomen, like a black hole threatening to swallow his very being.

"That's...you," Suigetsu says voice low and void if their usual playfulness. It shocks Sasuke's system and his hand moves instinctually to close his computer.

"Yeah," He'll report the video later, maybe they can take it down since it was his image taken without consent or something. He doesn't want it up, he just wants to forget it.

"Kabuto's an ass," Suigetsu tries to placate, "Probably sucks dick in his free time for good grades."

Sasuke gives him a look that just tells him all he needs to know about how much he doesn't want to talk right now.

"...Sorry, just trying to help."

"There's nothing that needs to be said," Sasuke wants to shower, but it's not early enough in the day for that. "I'm going to the library. See you later."

"Alright," Suigetsu answers, but the word doesn't end before Sasuke's already out the door with all of his stuff. He looks in bewilderment at the empty space Sasuke just left. He might as well have the ability to teleport with how fast he's able to leave a room.

The library had its own large building. Five floors, filled with journals, alumni published works, and of course, books. The library had the first floor dedicated to taking out books, bathrooms, and some other things Sasuke hasn't figured out yet. The second to fifth were all paper-bound and study halls. There were a lot of seats for the students to use, but the single-seating areas were always taken, and study rooms were always reserved. He'd be lucky to get a table alone any time of day. But he didn't mind sitting next to a stranger as long as they weren't on a video call or just loud in general. His headphones could only do so much.

Sasuke spends six hours in the library. That's four more than usual, because he actually doesn't like the library all that much. Most new college students treat it like it's cafe rather than a place for quiet reading and studying. He worked on two of his ethics papers despite only one actually being due soon. All he did was study and drink water, not even realizing the whole day had passed without him eating anything. Actually he did realize at some point, he just didn't do anything about it. By the time he left the library it was too late to make something, go to eat something around campus, and he mostly just didn't feel like it.

His feet stop when he notices a hunched-over figure, with bright blond hair on the table alone. No way that's...

Sasuke can't leave without making sure it wasn't. Sure enough, he comes closer, slowly moving just to see Naruto Uzumaki, dead asleep. His laptop was open but off. Sasuke almost wakes him up and tells him he should go back to his dorm and just sleep there if he wasn't being productive.

He turns away and walks out of the building. Someone will probably wake him up, the library closes at 11 pm, every week that isn't finals week. Then it's open 24 hours. That was just his excuse, he couldn't place it consciously, but he really didn't want to talk to Naruto. There were too many things they weren't saying to each other, and he couldn't bear to be in his presence because of the suffocating weight those questions brought. So he won't deal with it at all.

His brain was kind of foggy right now. It felt like he couldn't do basic algebra without a calculator. When he headed back to his dorm, Suigetsu was gone, clothes on their bed all spread out like they had an outfit change, or multiple. Without thinking anymore about it, Sasuke just decides to go to sleep, he has to be up in the morning.

He thinks of Naruto still, and hopes someone bothered to wake him. He was just cowardly for not doing so himself. He felt so fucking worthless for being so cowardly as to just leave him there.

 

❖

 

Naruto wakes up with the worst neck pain. Someone shoves him gently to wake him up, and it's pulling him out of a dream.

"Hello? Excuse me?"

"Five minutes..." Naruto drowsily replies, and the hand that's shaking him stops.

"I'm sorry, but the library is closing soon," Naruto was hardly conscious, and his mind latched onto that. Library, and closing, his head shoots up with a gasp.

"What? W-wait, what time is it?"

"Eleven," The girl replies, she looks like a young adult, she must work here. Great, now Naruto feels kinda bad for falling asleep making it her problem to wake him up.

"I am so sorry, I don't know what happened."

"I understand, students fall asleep all the time," She replies, with a smile, handing him his notebook to which he shoves in his bag, likely folding half of the pages over inside of it. "Though not this early in the semester. Are you a freshman?"

"Is it that obvious?"

She shakes her head, "I have a good memory for faces, and I haven't seen you around before."

"The name's Naruto, I'll be around pretty often so don't forget me," He smiles, "I promise I won't sleep for hours again."

"No worries, now you really must leave because we have to turn everything off."

"Right, bye!" Naruto waves, and rushes out the door, hoping he didn't forget anything.

When he's outside, there's a light drizzle, it hits his face waking him up even more with every contact. He looks around, the campus lights are a warm yellow, and there is hardly anyone around. But in the distance, he hears music, and laughter. Maybe there's some party going on. He wasn't concerned with it, he was just going to head to his dorm and get some real sleep. Maybe in the morning when he woke up his neck wouldn't hurt as much.

He can't believe he slept longer in the library than he spent studying. How ridiculous. Sasuke would laugh at him if he knew.

The instinctual way his mind goes to Sasuke makes his heart hurt just a little. They haven't spoken a real conversation in what feels like so long. Sasuke went from casually avoiding to acting like they hardly know each other it was crazy.

When he gets to his dorm, he opens the door slowly, thinking Gaara might be asleep. But he shouldn't be surprised that he wasn't. Gaara practically ran on caffeine and nothing else. Right now he used the nighttime as his free time, he's playing a video game and was so into it he didn't even hear Naruto come in.

Naruto watches Gaara play on his PC, some sort of zombie game, but the zombies weren't called zombies and you play a fifty-year-old man trying to protect a kid or something. He starts to get sleepy watching Gaara shoot those things, and calls out,

"'Night Gaara!"

"Holy fuck–" Gaara jumps, and Naruto laughs so loud. "Naruto! I didn't know you were here."

"Yeah I know." His words still come out with a chuckle, and Gaara pauses his game.

"Were you at the party?" He asks, and Naruto raises a brow. So there was a party. He's pretty sure it's just for richer freshmen or something.

"No, the library," He told Gaara he was going to the library around 3, so it's no surprise he doesn't seem to believe him.

"For 8 hours?"

"Slept for five."

"They didn't kick you out?"

"No.

"What were you even working on?"

"...Honestly I can't remember."

Gaara stares, then he laughs.

"Goodnight Naruto."

"Night."

Hearing the sounds of Gaara's controller clicking and shifting actually doesn't bother him. He actually likes a little bit of noise to sleep, otherwise, the silence makes his ears ring and it freaks him out.

When he wakes up, the first thing he does is check his phone. Probably not something he should do, but he does it anyway. Back in high school, he'd fall asleep texting Sasuke, and would read their messages in the morning. Sometimes Sasuke would just say Good Morning when he got up which was always before Naruto got up.

Now there's nothing.

Even after weeks of this, Naruto still can't get over it. His best friend was cutting him off and it sucked.

Gaara's asleep, his jar of melatonin gummies open on his desk. He must not have been able to sleep without them last night.

Naruto met Gaara when the semester started. He was quiet for the first five-ish days, and Naruto would still say good morning every day even if he got no response. Slowly, Gaara started to say good morning back, then good night, and would ask how his day was, even. They got to bond over the fact Gaara can't sleep at night by talking instead or just playing games together.

Naruto doesn't ask what bothers him, and only acts as someone for him to talk to. He almost feels bad in way. Friendship of this kind wasn't something Naruto had outside of Sasuke. They were the ones who spoke at night together, and he didn't want to say Gaara replaced him, because that wasn't the case at all. Just that it got easier to not think about Sasuke as much when he got to talk to Gaara.

Gaara has a mini striped flag on his desk, in his pen holder. Naruto hasn't asked about it, feeling weird at the time. So instead, he looked up the LGBTQ+ flags finding out that Gaara was on the ace spectrum. (Asexual specifically.) He wanted to tell Gaara that he was a part of the community as well, but he didn't feel like it was warranted or valid. He hasn't had any relationships with someone of the same gender, and he only realized that he had a crush on someone of the same gender relatively recently. Within the past year.

While in comparison, Sasuke said he knew he was gay since he was a kid. A kid. How could he claim that identity for himself if he has barely had the time to truly sit with it. Not that he needed to reconsider anything, he knew he had a crush on Sasuke since the end of junior year.

So he said nothing, and he lived as though having a crush on his best friend didn't matter. Because at this point, it didn't. Once upon a time he wanted to confess, to kiss him and finally say that what he felt for Sasuke wasn't just brotherly friendship or whatever. They weren't as close as brothers, Naruto was an only child and even he knew you don't stare into a brother's eyes the way they did. Then look away awkwardly like there wasn't just a tense moment between them.

There were so many moments like that before Naruto had even realized the nervousness he felt were butterflies. This was the feeling everyone else spoke about, the feeling encapsulated in every story about love since ever.

But his feelings didn't matter, maybe they did once. Sasuke didn't want to be around him anymore. Naruto tried, he has tried so hard to be there but it was hard to keep being avoided, and frankly he was a little bit angry. It was ridiculous, to make this about him, but he felt hurt all the same.

He didn't understand how it was so easy for Sasuke to pull away, why he disconnected himself knowing it would be harder to deal with things alone. It wasn't rational.

He wondered if Sasuke ever felt the same, or was he not interested in him at all. At this rate, he'll never know.

Naruto leaves a note on the door for Gaara.

Let you sleep in, don't be mad

Looks like u needed it

After class, Naruto roams around campus. He's had a few chances before, but there's something quite nice about the smell of the ground after a rainy day. The colors of autumn were also so pretty, sometimes he finds himself getting stupidly sentimental about it all. As if this was what life was for, just to exist in this space.

He sees Sasuke on a bench and next to him is his roommate. Naruto freezes, unable to bring himself to move closer, but also unable to walk in the other direction.

He observes since he hasn't been seen, he can't hear what they are saying, but Suigetsu (Naruto remembers their name, surprisingly even though they only met once) says something and Sasuke laughs, it's a genuine beautiful laugh and Naruto's heart clenches and sinks.

Oh. So this is what Sasuke's been doing while he's been getting rid of him. Finding someone else.

What the fuck? That wasn't you. Naruto corrects himself, he knew that wasn't something he should be thinking. Sasuke wasn't just about to replace their many years of friendship in a mere two months, and even if he did, does Naruto really have a right to make it seem like a villainous thing? His mother always said people who enter your life don't necessarily have to stay, and people grow and move on. Naruto just never thought that sort of thing would happen to the two of them. He thought that their friendship was lifelong, even if it never turned into something more, that was what he thought would remain the same.

Inseparable, they told each other everything, Naruto's never felt more understood than when he was with Sasuke. But apparently, that sentiment wasn't shared between the two of them. Because he knew a lot less about Sasuke than he thought he did.

Naruto leaves trying to give himself something else to think about. But it was easier said than done. Especially when he just saw Sasuke laughing, seemingly carefree and enjoying himself with someone else who wasn't him.

Was it selfish to want to go back to the past when he knew nothing? When everything was normal and Sasuke didn't avoid him?

Yes, it was, because then Sasuke still wasn't doing alright, so wanting to go back to a time when he was ignorant wouldn't make Sasuke's situation better, it only made his more comfortable and he didn't want to retreat back to the past if it only benefited him after all.

He just...had to give him space. Even if it was hard, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do.

Notes:

Thank you for reading, and I hope to update before this year ends, I've already been working on this fic since last year, not kidding. It's kind of important for me to finish it.

Chapter 4: Part Two: A Fall Festival and a Libra's Birthday

Summary:

Chapter Three: Part Two
The rest of the Fall Semester…

Notes:

Two days later than my plan but better than nothing?

 

Leaving Naruto alone in the library felt more profound to Sasuke than it actually was. It felt like it symbolized the end of their friendship or something, and after that, Sasuke practically could feel Naruto caring about him less. 

 

It felt stupid to be bothered by it, even a little. After all, wasn’t he the problem, wasn’t he the reason Naruto was deciding to finally stop pestering, seeing him unannounced, and even texting him? He can’t act like this is a surprise, this is the consequence of his own doing so why does he feel…bad? 

 

Naruto is his best friend, but does he need to change that statement to past tense? Are they still as connected as they were in high school? Maybe even that version of them wasn’t as deep as he thought. 

 

Naruto didn’t really know him, he made an effort to make it so that Naruto talked more, he always knew what Naruto was up to and it was only when things were really really bad did he notice, but Sasuke didn’t want him to. 

 

He wanted Naruto to be his sanctuary, his place to go to in order to forget how shitty his life actually was. A family that hardly functions, a…disorder…and crippling perfectionism with who even knows what else? There were so many things Naruto was that he wasn’t. Itachi was that he wasn’t , and things he will never be no matter how hard he tries. So isn’t it better he stop pretending, stop trying to make Naruto his safe space, as if the only reason he existed was to be a crutch for him.

 

This was a result of his own inability to deal with his issues, and Naruto didn’t deserve to be around him if he kept bringing him down by just being there. 

 

Fuck isn’t he just so pathetic? Making Naruto think he was hurting instead of helping. Not tell him anything because he was too scared to learn what that would mean. He was much more comfortable shoving things aside, ignoring them and it seemed Naruto was no different. Well at least one of them would come out of this better than they were before it, and it wasn’t him.

 

So in a few long minutes of cold, heart-stopping dread, Sasuke whittled his minds way over to acceptance. Acceptance this his friendship was dead, it was his fault, and there was no reason for this to change course. Hopefully, Naruto would have realized this too by now and just let it happen. 

 

Frankly, it was for the best.

❖

“God, you look like shit.” 

 

Suigetsu, ever the honest one, tells Sasuke like it is the next morning. Sasuke doesn’t say anything to them in the morning. 

 

Actually, it wasn’t even morning, it was an hour past noon and Sasuke had skipped his first class. Half because he truly couldn’t make himself leave his bed so he just let himself press snooze and slept through it. Ok, maybe that was entirely the reason. He did so knowing he’d feel guilty about it later, but later was here and he didn’t feel guilty, he felt more apathetic than anything. 

 

Were things worse ? Maybe not feeling meant things were worse. 

 

“Today is a shit day, I get you,” Sasuke can tell he’s in one of those moods where he just likes to ramble. He’ll let him, “It’s cloudy, and like, muggy, and I feel like I need to sneeze as soon as I step outside. It’s not even winter?!”

 

“Hmm.” Sasuke hums, half-awake, half-dead, and Suigetsu stops speaking to look at him from across their small room a little more closely. 

 

“Want some coffee?” He asks, “I know it’s not morning, but I think I’ll need some too the way today is going.”

 

Without thinking about it, “Sure.” 

 

He put on his laziest outfit and walked with Suigetsu to that local coffee place that wasn’t a Starbucks that all the ‘consumer-conscious’ students went to. Suigetsu swears he’s not hipster, it’s just that it’s cheaper, and their coconut milk tastes better. (They’re non-dairy, yes it was very surprising. But also, out of all the non-dairy milks—coconut?! Sasuke was too exhausted to question the choice at the time.)

 

Sasuke gets his coffee black, not because he likes it that way, but because he’s learned to gradually add milk and sugar until it tastes the way he likes it rather than having someone else do it for him. Suigetsu watches as he meticulously tastes and stirs, not saying a word, but some sort of ‘understanding’ crosses his gaze. Sasuke waits for them to just fucking spit it out, but when Suigetsu doesn’t say anything of note, he’s left just wondering. 

“So did you just sleep fucking terrible or did your face always look that…shitty?” They settle on, clearly looking for a word to fill the gap. 

“Slept horrible,” Sasuke says, not really, but explaining how losing his many-year friendship feels like some sort of fucking breakup will be the dumbest thing he’s ever said to Suigetsu, and he didn’t think they were there yet in terms of their ‘friendship’ of dumping shit to each other. By this measure, they’re still acquaintances. Although Suigetsu probably didn’t think so.

 

“I don’t know if you got trouble sleeping but I have some of those sleep gummies, they kinda don’t do shit for me, but if you want feel free to use ‘em.” 

 

After a pause of faked consideration, “Thanks.”

 

He didn’t have insomnia, this wasn’t a chronic condition. But that was a nice enough gesture. 

 

“Thanks for the coffee.” 

 

“No problem,” Suigetsu smiles, not for the first time Sasuke glances at sharp teeth, “You pay if there’s a next time.” 

 

He nods as he sips his coffee. It’s not that cold today, but the hot, closer to bitter taste does make his body feel a little warmer. For some reason, the panic-inducing and self-deprecating thoughts his brain had spiraled into last night felt further away. 

 

Though it was obvious in hindsight, (and painful upon realization here in front of Suiegstu his roommate) Sasuke had come to the simple conclusion, 

 

He didn’t want to lose his best friend. He never ever did.

 

❖

Sasuke didn’t keep up with the school’s events in high school, but he was always unwillingly aware of the big events, like prom, because he was bombarded with people running for prom queen, trying to get his vote the weeks before prom. Or even asking if he was going to run for king. That whole thing was a mess, he’s glad he didn’t go. 

 

Similarly, Akatsuki University has decided to make sure every single student knows about the Fall Festival happening, October 4th. Automatically, Sasuke thought he’d just avoid it, but it was a three-day thing, lasting from that Tuesday to Thursday. It was logistically unavoidable, they were going to take up so much of the campus. By the end of September, things had already begun setting up, and he can’t help but have his curiosity wanting to know what would happen.

“It’s an expensive school so of course they need to show off,”  Suigetsu mentions absentmindedly when Sasuke casually states how there’s so much prep involved for this. It was just slightly over the top. “Are you going to go?”

 

“Probably not.”

 

“Come on!” Sasuke shakes his head still, “I bet you’re so fun at parties.”

 

“I don’t like parties.”

 

“Too loud?” Suigetsu asks, and that’s only part of the reason.

“Too loud, too crowded, too many opportunities for reckless endangerment.” 

 

“You’re right about that,” Suigetsu smiles, showing his fanged teeth. 

 

The mischevious look makes Sasuke briefly remember when Suigetsu had told him about a party he went to recently where he got “high as fuck”, broke a mirror, and started shouting that he broke himself . Sasuke heard some more crazy shit involving his roommate about that same start-of-the-year party, and he thinks maybe 50% is exaggerated lies and 50% exaggerated truths. He believes what he’s heard about Kabuto Yakushi selling drugs to newly minted-freshmen because he could totally see the creep doing something like that. 

 

“Are you going to go?” Sasuke asks even though the answer is a little obvious already.

 

“Yes! There’s going to be food, and some events, only a stick in the mud wouldn’t at least walk around on Tuesday and see what it’s about. It’s almost unavoidable unless you literally stay in your dorm for three whole days.”

 

Sasuke could do it. He could just live off water bottles and instant ramen. They have a kettle in their dorm, he’d just sleep and eat once a day or so he’d be fine –

 

“I know what you’re thinking, ‘that’s not impossible.’”

 

“You have no idea what I’m thinking Hozuki.” 

 

“Last names, you’re so strange Uchiha,” Suigetsu comments, mockingly,“Hey you could bring your friend with us to the festival.”

 

“I didn’t even say I was going.” He knows exactly what friend he’s talking about, there’s literally only one and it’s Naruto. Asking Naruto to go to the Fall Festival with him and Suigetsu sounds like one of the worst ideas ever. 

 

“My friends are going to be there too, Karin and Jugo.”

 

“As if that makes the offer sound any more appealing.” He actually doesn’t hate Karin and Jugo, or even dislike them. He just wants to be an ass right now, and also get Suigetsu off his case about going to this thing. 

 

“You always talk like you’re some glasses-wearing tsundere in an otome game.” 

 

That was such a specific comment that Sasuke didn’t know what to say immediately except:

 

“You play otome games?”

 

“I was curious! But they have the best stuff behind a paywall.” 

 

Sasuke stops himself from laughing but Suigetsu feels like he won since he sees Sasuke’s normally bored expression upturn in a slight smile. 

 

Suigetsu was so different from Naruto. So much so that Sasuke didn’t understand how they were compatible at first. For one, he was much more of an outward dick and blunt, and Sasuke got the feeling he never said what he meant. Naruto wore his heart on his sleeve, and couldn’t doctor his expressions to save his life. It took him a second to realize that he wasn’t drawn to Suigetsu because of how similar or different he was to Naruto, but how similar he was to him. 

 

Though the two of them were still very different. Suigetsu was definitely an extroverted person, or pretending to be, they seemed like a fool for the first three weeks and then they said something insightful that Sasuke had to stop and wonder who the fuck was he talking to. 

 

But there was something that neither of them had said and neither of them would say, and Sasuke just got the feeling that Suigetsu understood him. Even though he had no indication of how, and no words being said to even hint at that conclusion, he just felt that Suigetsu knew how it felt to be under a nearly crippling amount of pressure and that they knew the challenge of pretending to be someone else. 

 

Maybe he was wrong and maybe he was imagining it, looking for someone to relate to in a place where he doesn’t feel like he has anyone, especially now. But it didn’t matter anyway, since there was way he’d ever bring this up or say it out loud.

❖

Sasuke ends up going to the Fall Festival with Suigetsu, Karin, and Jugo

 

And also Naruto. 

 

Suigetsu invited him post-humously without telling him, and Sasuke pretended like he knew Naruto was coming the whole time. Like he told Suigetsu to tell Naruto to come with. Which was…fine. He doesn’t hate Naruto, obviously, and he doesn’t not want to be around him, but he felt sort of ambushed. So he does more looking around than speaking at first.

 

It is a little surprising to Sasuke that there are events at all. The Fall Festival is apparently a way for students, especially freshmen to be bombarded with reminders of why they came to this college. Lest the students be persuaded to go elsewhere. 

 

Look at all the stuff we have to offer, please don’t leave, is what Sasuke was getting from all of this.

 

Naruto and Suigetsu have somehow become more than just acquainted at this point, and Sasuke doesn’t think he could handle it if they both started acting like actual friends. It’s like a strange crossover episode or a dangerous portal opening if that were to occur. 

 

Luckily Karin and Jugo are supposed to join the fray so if they do interact it’s more like just reminding Sasuke they all live on the same planet so nothing truly catastrophic could possibly occur.

 

Sasuke finally got the question answered that he hasn’t bothered to ask. Karin Uzumaki was indeed related to Naruto, and Kushina was her aunt. Karin just lived super far, so they never saw each other save for some wedding they attended when Naruto was like eleven. It explains how Karin’s accent is closer to Suigetsu’s than Naruto’s. 

 

Jugo came with a large unflattering blue scarf around his neck. Sasuke finds it kind of cute when Karin and Suigetsu fix it to make it look less bulky on him. Letting it drape over his shoulder instead of bunched at his neck. It’s not very cold anyway but Jugo said ‘he wanted to be prepared.’

 

That was the first time Sasuke heard him say a whole sentence.

 

The booths didn’t only consist of clubs. There were various small businesses in the neighborhood advertising and selling what they had. The college definitely made money from this. Likely renting out the tables. 

 

Karin dragged them to a Boba vendor, ordering something with matcha in it, and of course the tapioca pearls. Sasuke had refused, and Karin had taken the opportunity to bully him into it. He ordered a small Classic Black Milk Tea, to Karin’s disappointment. Calling him basic.

 

Suigetsu eyes him and Sasuke feels slightly uncomfortable but just sips at his drink. It’s actually not bad, and it tastes even better since he didn’t pay for it. 

 

At one booth, the psychology department devised a mental exercise booth to survey the participants and test for bias. Supposedly. Sasuke knew enough about psych to know that what you were told, most of the time wasn’t the entire truth of the experiment. Naruto apparently took the survey to get some credit for one of his classes. He said it was long and he wouldn’t recommend it, so the others moved on.

At some point, Sasuke started to get a little tired of it all. He finished the drink, and didn’t want to touch upon the section filled with various small appetizer-like foods. 

 

“Empanadas! Come onnn,” Karin leads them all again to a delicious-smelling stand, the empanadas are very crispy looking, and it smells…pretty good actually. You can hear the sizzle of a fryer, and the ones at the left were fresh off the rack.

 

“We just had those fried Mac and cheese balls,” Suigetsu complains, but Sasuke knew he would still eat more if Karin had wanted it.

 

“Way underseasoned,” She says though Sasuke distinctly remembers her eating more than one, and not mentioning the lack of seasoning when she tried them, “I’m sure this’ll be better.”

 

It was kind of fun watching all of them, and even how Naruto interacted with the other three. The only one who felt out of place was him but maybe that’s because he felt he had nothing to add to the conversation if he spoke.

 

“Whatever you say,” Jugo answers and Sasuke shrugs as well. Maybe they can just order as a group and Sasuke won’t have to touch a thing. 

 

He ate earlier he’s good, and he didn’t even get to finish that final essay for English. It’s about Great Works of Literature. He hasn’t even started it and he knows it’s going to be a bullshit essay. He’ll be lucky if he gets a C, but he just couldn’t get around to starting it because the prompt was so vague and—

 

“Sasuke?” Suigetsu calls his attention. He might as well have snapped with how much that dragged him out of his mental itinerary.

 

“Hm?”

 

“What do you want?” Naruto’s looking at him. Those stupid eyes. 

 

“Nothing I’m good, it’s like 7 now anyway.”

 

“Since when do you care about how late it is?”

 

“Since it became dark at five.” 

 

So like a couple of weeks ago? His mind fills in for Naruto’s response. Karin interrupts before he can say it.

 

“I’m just going to order one of everything.” She says that to the student staff manning this booth and he just shrugs and says alright. Sasuke sees that he knows the guy manning the booth, it’s Kiba Inuzuka. They make eye contact, and Kiba lingers on him, and Sasuke hates to think he’s imagining the last time they saw each other. (aka, graduation, the speech ) So he doesn’t and looks at the food instead.

 

Getting one of everything meant there were six empanadas. (Cheese, Chicken, Beef, Spinach and Cheese, Pulled Pork, Tilapia) On the menu, there were eight options but it seemed their shrimp and crab were popular since they sold out.)

 

“Which one is fish? Naruto’s allergic,” Sasuke asks on his friends behalf, knowing Naruto definitely forgot to mention it before Karin ordered.

 

“You are?”

 

“Yeah, I’m not sure if it’s all fish, but definitely salmon.”

 

“I have an Epi-Pen with me,” Karin says, beginning to look for it in her bag. 

 

“I think the point is not to want to use it,” Sasuke snaps knowing that med student was probably way too eager to get to use it on someone else.

 

“Chill,” Suigetsu says, “Since you’re so eager to advocate for him, why don’t you test the food before your little Prince bites into it.”

 

Sasuke has never so badly wanted to punch Suigetsu in his fucking face.

 

“Whoa what? Are you guys—?” Karin starts to ask, and Sasuke’s expression turned into a hardened glare. He’s glad he cut her off before she said dating. 

 

“No,” He says, now more to Karin not wanting to even deal with Suigetsu, “We aren’t anything.”

 

He says it way more harshly than he should. But he’s just angry. How can Suigetsu think it was okay to just say shit like that? Just when he thinks they’re okay, and okay to be around they say something stupid like this.

 

“...Thanks for mentioning I’m allergic to fish Sasuke,” Naruto tries to pour water over a bonfire, Sasuke doesn’t speak, “Why don’t we just cut them open?”

 

“Sounds good,” Karin says, faking her enthusiasm a bit too much. Sasuke tries to unravel the annoying coiling of his gut at the rage.

 

Suigetsu doesn’t speak, for a few minutes. Maybe he’s waiting for Sasuke’s temper to die down. Smarter than he looks because Sasuke really would have used this as an excuse to walk somewhere else if they kept pushing their luck.

 

“These are really delicious,” Suigetsu says with a bit of spinach and cheese on his face. (The somewhat motherly Karin calls them a child, holding their face as she wipes it off of him.) Naruto looks at Sasuke, then looks at the two of them, and that’s the moment they both start to laugh, and all of the the tension from before slips away. 

 

“Forget about us,” Naruto says pointing to him and Sasuke. “What about you?!”

 

“Friends with benefits,” Suigetsu answers instantly, Karin kicks him under the circular table. 

 

“You fucking wish,” She bites, shoving his body away from her with napkin she used to wipe his face with.

 

They all ate some of the food. One of everything was quite a lot. Sasuke might have eaten less than everyone not that it mattered. They were good enough that it was basically a free for all anyway. It went unnoticed. He did admit to himself that he did like them. He just didn’t want to say it aloud and bring attention to himself and his opinions on it.

 

The Fall Festival is still going on by the time they decide to leave. The whole thing ended at 9, they left at 8, and some select booths were leaving by then too. 

 

Suigetsu found some spiked apple cider and was having a good time, Sasuke and Naruto head to their dorm building, and Jugo trails a bit behind them talking to Karin.

 

It takes a bit for Naruto to articulate something to Sasuke. If he didn’t ask for him to start all the way over he would have never understood.

 

“Sasuke…?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I had a good time.”

 

“That’s good.” He says distantly, before trying to spare Naruto’s feelings, “I did too.” 

 

“That’s…also good.” Naruto answers back, clearly wanting to say more but not wanting to push. 

 

Sasuke stands, waiting, since this is the entrance to their dorm room and is Naruto stepping in first or….? Sasuke can’t bear to bring himself to be the one to leave first, especially since Naruto looks like a kicked puppy or something.

 

“It’s your birthday soon,” He comments.

 

“You remember?” Naruto asks, or says, Sasuke feels slightly hurt, just because they were…a bit distant lately didn’t mean he suddenly forgot Naruto’s birthday. He’s known him longer than they’ve actually been friends. 

 

But he doesn’t say all that he just says, “I’d never forget.”

 

For some reason, it’s a bit of a solemn tone, like if the two of them never talk again, he wouldn’t forget Naruto’s birthday which was true, but he didn’t want Naruto to think they’d never talk again. 

 

“Are you seeing your parents that weekend?”

 

Naruto’s birthday is a Sunday this year. Yes, of course, he checked. 

 

“Yes, my Mom’s making it a big deal because I’m 18 now.”

 

Sasuke stings and it’s not an unfamiliar feeling. Jealously. His 18th birthday was the worst. 

 

“You have a good time.” Sasuke comments, not wanting to revel in the feeling. Jealously at Naruto’s loving parents usually stung like a papercut, but this felt way worse, this felt like motion sickness, like he’s in the car on the highway and all he wants to do is throw up. 

 

“Sasuke,” Naruto mentally tries to keep them talking, and Sasuke’s feet are pointing toward the door, “You should come with me, my parents love you.”

 

They love everyone he’s not special. But he sort of is being Naruto’s oldest friend. What would they say about him if Sasuke didn’t come, would they think he was a horrible friend, think that he wasn’t good enough for their son all along? No, now he’s spiraling. There’s no way he’s not going. It’s Naruto’s 18th birthday, and if Naruto wants him there, then that’s where he’ll be. 

 

“If you want me there.” He says simply, as if he didn’t know the answer already.

 

“I do.”

 

“Okay, I’ll be there.” 

 

Naruto gives a small smile, “Great.”

 

“Uh, what kind of cake do you like?”

 

“It’s not my birthday, why do you ask?”

 

“‘Cause I want you to eat it with me.”

 

The implications of that sentence were so much more than what a passerby would hear them talking about.

 

He can’t give an answer, because he’s never cared about cake, much less the cake he got to eat on his own birthday.

 

“Any is fine.” Ignoring what Naruto said previously. “I’m sure anything your parents make will be good.”

 

Every year Naruto gets a homemade cake. Sasuke thinks back to the best one he’s ever tasted on Naruto’s birthday, ninth grade. It was some sort of lemon cake, with lemon frosting, it was so yellow just like Naruto really, and it wasn’t overly sweet or even sour like Sasuke expected. It was perfect. He went for another slice that day, and was almost going to ask Kushina if he could have a cake made by her because it was just that good. But he remembered how audacious that would be and went against it.

 

“Okay Sasuke, I guess this is goodbye for now?”

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow Naruto.” Sasuke says, it feels like a promise when really it’s just a statement, they’ll likely run into each other tomorrow. 

 

“Okay, uh, good.” Sasuke hates how he made Naruto feel so awkward about talking to him. He wishes they could go back to normal for around the hundredth time. Hopefully, he won’t be so weird around his parents when he shows up, because he does not want to have to get interrogated by Minato and Kushina about “what was up with them.” He definitely didn’t need that especially not on Naruto’s 18th birthday. 

 

❖

10.10.22

 

Early in the morning, Sasuke’s mother calls her youngest son the day of Naruto’s birthday. Just to make sure he wishes his friend a happy birthday. And even, to tell him this on her behalf as well. Sasuke can only bite his tongue from saying something to convey how he felt about this, and only curtly said he would do as she asked. When he hangs up the phone, he almost laughs aloud alone at the audacity. Did she already forget what happened only a few months ago? On his birthday? 

 

Maybe this was just another symbolic representation of how his family had always sought to be seen. The two parent, married family with two children fitting themselves into these neat pristine boxes. His father wanted to be seen as the representation of what a good husband was, a breadwinner, and a non-emotional hardworking man. His brother, always the prime example of this picturesque perfection. And only he was the only anomaly. Unable to keep his mental health in check enough to hide anything was wrong at all.

 

His mother called to ask Sasuke to help preserve her image of a considerate friend and mother. Wanting Naruto to think she was kind, wanting Kushina to think she cared more than she actually did. Still, didn’t his mother think for a second how it made him feel? She forgets his birthday, and now asks him to wish his best friend a Happy Birthday on her behalf. Truly tone deaf. He’s not saying anything for her, fuck that. If she wants Naruto and his family to think she cared, she could say something herself and not use him as a liaison.

 

It puts him in a mood, so he tries to put away the acrid bitterness he feels in his gut at the call. Taking a long hot shower always makes him feel a bit better no matter the situation, so that’s what he does. Afterward, he texts Naruto a bright Happy Birthday with a clear head, planning to say it in person later that day, but it was just too early to call right now.

 

Sasuke was already planning on waking up at this ungodly hour today before his mother decided to wake him up even earlier than he planned. This was all so that he could make it to Naruto's home at a reasonable time without asking for a favor from his father or brother to pick him up and bring him there. Sure it would have been a lot faster to ask and suck it up, but he would honestly rather take the shitty public transit than actually be indebted to his family. (Even more than he was anyway)

 

Kushina and Minato offered to drive him to their house when they picked up Naruto on Friday. They said he could stay over, but Sasuke politely declined saying something about studying, when in actuality he just didn’t want to be around the family for too long. 

 

It would become hard not to be jealous when he had the worst birthday he’s ever had that same year. He didn’t want to bring that negativity into their home even though he didn’t mean it. He really wished he didn’t feel this way about it, he knew it was petty and disgusting of him. 

 

Suigetsu asked what was bothering him on Saturday and all he said was that he had to be up really early on Sunday morning and was dreading it. Which was only partially the truth or a minute part of it anyway. Suigetsu wasn’t here now, they probably stayed over at Karin’s dorm even though they technically weren’t supposed to. 

 

He takes the bus and has to transfer to a different bus, and then a long twenty-five or so minute walk to Naruto’s actual house. It takes him over an hour, and halfway into it, he was beginning to curse himself for being so stubborn. He didn’t normally walk this much. 

Then he thinks about Itachi being a dick the whole way or his Dad trying to ask how college was going so far, or playing some music he hates and decides this was way better than either of those options. (He didn’t even entertain the idea of asking his mom since she was prone to holding things she did for him over his head.)

 

Minato greets him at the door with a smile, and Sasuke sees how their house is decorated. It’s child-like, but not entirely childish. Well, it looks like a party but only a few people are here. Blue and orange triangle party decorations in the doorways, multicolored confetti on the floor, and balloons. The overall atmosphere of warmth, happiness and safety clung to him like a warm blanket.

 

“Kushina, honey, Sasuke’s here,” Minato half shouts, and Kushina doesn’t seem to hear him.

 

“Where’s Naruto?” Sasuke asks, after noticing he’s not in his nearest line of sight. 

 

“Probably speaking to Jiraya.” Minato answers, Sasuke remembers that being Naruto’s godfather but not remembering what he looked like exactly. He’ll remember soon enough. “It’s only going to be us, Naruto just wanted something small.”

 

Sasuke doesn’t laugh, or react at all, but he doesn’t think this decor was small at all. This was all way more effort than small.

 

“I’ll just wait for him.” 

 

“There’s some food on the table if you’re interested.” He offers before he heads to the kitchen where his wife was shouting for him. Sasuke remains seated on the couch, his small box in his hand holding the present he acquired for Naruto.

 

Naruto didn’t get him a present, which was okay. They didn’t get presents for each other most of the time. Only when it was something they knew for sure the other wanted. But Sasuke’s been feeling like a shitty friend and person so he felt like maybe this would be mitigating that. And also because he put some preparation into this. Now that he was here he was really starting to think about how stupid and lame of a gift he got. 

 

Naruto wasn’t a materialistic person, he was a sentimental one. So Sasuke decided to give him something with a little meaning behind it. 

 

The doorbell rings. Who else was coming? 

 

“—Naruto get the door,” Kushina calls for him, and Sasuke being closer to the door than him waits still. 

 

He sees Naruto open it, and he notices two things. One, Naruto got a haircut. It must have been yesterday or earlier today. Made him just a little more put together. Two, the woman at the door looks vaguely familiar…

 

“Granny Tsunade!” Naruto smiles, pulling the woman into a hug. Granny? Sasuke is skeptical, she didn’t look a day over 45, so how was she…

 

“I see you’re still friends with him, hm?” 

 

Sasuke finds himself being addressed. This woman remembers him but not the other way around? 

 

“Uh, I’m sorry, I—?” Don’t remember you. But Naruto saves him from fully asking, introducing them.

 

“This is my godmother, Tsunade. She used to be married to my godfather.”

 

For some reason, now Sasuke remembers. Old man, tall, looks like he drank all the time, and seems a little bit like the “weird uncle,” rather than anyone deigned to be a godfather on purpose. 

 

 Hm maybe when he divorced this woman he lost it because Sasuke couldn’t see how they’d name him Naruto’s godfather if he acted like that for the entire time they’ve known him. He’s generally thought of Naruto’s parents as responsible people.

 

“I guess you know who that is, judging by your face.” Tsunade says, hands on her hips, “I’m so lucky I got out of that one.”

 

Sasuke doesn’t voice his opinion but he agrees wholeheartedly. 

 

“Tsunade!” Kushina is out of the kitchen, greeting Naruto’s godmother with a hug. “And Sasuke!” 

 

She says his name just as cheerily, which doesn’t make him feel uncomfortable, just that it was unwarranted.

 

“So glad you both could come over,” She says, “Though I feel like I haven’t seen you in a few years, what’s been happening?” 

 

She starts to talk to Tsunade, and the two migrate to another part of the house. Sasuke still hasn’t moved from the place he sat on the couch. Naruto hasn’t said much, but now that his mother and godmother have left, he sits next to Sasuke on the couch, giving him a bright enthusiastic greeting as well.

 

“Sasuke!” He says, hugging him with no prior warning. Sasuke drops the small box by accident, and Naruto pulls away a little too quickly to allow for him to pick it up. 

 

“Sorry,” He says, Sasuke isn’t upset at all, just looking at Naruto likely somewhat confused. He isn’t a family member that Naruto hasn’t seen in years, he’s just a friend…who he saw literally last week.

 

“I just felt like giving you a hug?” Naruto says as if he knew what Sasuke was thinking. 

 

“That box for me?” 

 

“Is it someone else’s birthday?” Sasuke asks rhetorically. 

 

“Mind if I open it now?” 

 

He hasn’t even put it in his hands yet, and Naruto’s already eager. Part of him wanted to be slightly insensitive maybe and say, ‘knock yourself out.’ 

 

But thinking about how corny of a present he got, he decided to delay. 

 

“Maybe you should open it later,” He knew it was cryptic and would only make his friend more curious, so he decides he’ll put it in Naruto’s room. Out of sight, out of mind.

 

“Mm…okay.” He looks at Sasuke thoughtfully, choosing not to fight his judgment. 

 

Minato comes to find the two of them, 

 

“Hey birthday boy, and birthday boy’s best friend—we are having cake before dinner as per requested so come on!” 

 

Minato is so cheerful as well, and the whole house was overwhelmingly energetic. But Sasuke’s built some resistance to it over the years. It’s become…enjoyable as opposed to draining.

 

“Come on,” Naruto sits up faster than him, and reaches for his hand.

 

“I’m just going to use the bathroom first.” 

 

Naruto’s room was upstairs, like his room in his house. All the houses in the neighborhood had a similar floor plan due to being built around the same time. Sasuke was just going to go to Naruto’s room and place his gift there. Part of him didn’t want to be there when Naruto opened it, because he was nervous and also never knew how to deal with reactions.

 

“That was fast,” Naruto comments when he comes downstairs, he eyes him in playful suspicion, noticing the lack of box, and decides again not to question him.

 

They are serving the cake outdoors despite there being a perfectly good dining room table for the small “party” size.

 

Music is playing in the background at a respectable level, and there are even more balloons in the backyard than in the house. They had a fire going in the backyard, and it warmed the radius of the backyard quite well. Jiraya already seems to be a little tipsy, or maybe he was when he got here, and he’s used a confetti popper when they were going to do that after singing Happy Birthday.

 

Kushina takes his drink away from him, placing it on the table. The motherly tendencies didn’t stray from older adults behavior either.

 

Minato stands next to Sasuke and they both watch over the events. Though Naruto’s father is the one who has an old-School film camera in hand. 

 

Kushina gestures for  Naruto to come closer, as she sets the freshly frosted cake on the outdoor table.

 

Sasuke can’t hear them speak but he gets the general idea with the way Kushina is handing her son a knife, and he’s gesturing to himself as if to say,

 

Me? You want me to cut it? Okay…

 

Naruto unsurely starts to cut the cake, the tip of the knife off center and the first slice far too big for anyone to be eating before dinner.

 

“Naruto requested the cake before dinner thing, tells me 18 is really just a number because to me he’s still a kid.”

 

Minato says to (Sasuke assumes) him, as he snaps a picture of the scene. Kushina’s smile is just as bright as Naruto as she watches him. 

 

Sasuke feels strange watching the entire thing. This is definitely not the 18th birthday some of his peers had. (Namely Ino) but this felt way more personal and in Sasuke’s mind, one thousand percent better. 

 

Your birthday is a day about celebrating you and that’s what Naruto’s family always did. It didn’t take a lot of money or things but they spent time doing it. Minato and Kushina were such great parents and they cared that Naruto knew he was cared for as well. They wanted their son to know he was loved and Naruto could fail, and fail that wouldn’t change the way they felt about him at all. He was still their son, that was the kind of love people referred to as unconditional. 

 

He can’t imagine his mom taking the place of Kushina, spending hours or even days, planning and making a cake specifically to Sasuke’s tastes. He can’t imagine his father taking the place of Minato, taking pictures joyfully, and stepping aside from work to help his wife with whatever she needed.

 

There was just some trait those two were missing that Minato and Kushina intrinsically had.

 

They sing happy birthday, and it doesn’t sound like no one wants to take part. (Except Jiraya really) Kushina adds in her own ‘cha cha chas’ to the mix, Naruto looks embarrassed by it. 

 

Complete with clapping and Naruto having to blow out the candles, it was childish in the best way. Did people do this anymore as they got older? 

 

Sasuke doesn’t think his own parents are a good frame of reference considering they stopped singing Happy Birthday to him like this before elementary school even ended. They were probably at their best time in their marriage when they were doing shit like that.

 

“Want this slice?”

 

 Sasuke barely even notices when Naruto finishes cutting a slice for everyone. Minato has already stopped taking photos and has two plates in hand. He’s got one plate closer to himself and one outstretched for Sasuke to take.

 

“Sure.” Sasuke answers instinctively, not even knowing the kind of cake. The lighting under the porch was incredibly warm. Making the frosting and cake look nearly the same color. 

Sasuke takes a bite with the plastic utensil given, and instantly his mind is transported to freshman year, Naruto’s fourteenth birthday and the best cake he’s ever had.

 

Sasuke makes eye contact with Naruto and he just knew Naruto asked his mother to make this cake specifically because it was his favorite. He doesn’t even know how he knew that, he's never said it explicitly. That day, all Sasuke said was, “it’s delicious, thank you.” When Kushina had asked him, he was always nervous around Naruto's parents from middle to the beginning of high school, so those words definitely did not convey how profound the sentiment was at all.

 

“So?” Naruto comes up to him after seeing he’s taken more than a bite, “How do you like it?” 

 

Tilting his head, Sasuke can’t help but give a small smile at how cute Naruto looked, add that on with how nostalgic he was feeling right now…

 

“It’s amazing,” Now this admission was a much more accurate way of putting it. He can’t even hide the simple joy of it. 

 

“You aren’t going to eat a slice?” Sasuke asks, wondering if the birthday boy even liked lemon cake now.

 

“Oh, I ate mine already, you didn’t see?”

 

No, he must have been too preoccupied then.

 

Naruto’s eyes look past him, Sasuke turns and sees Jiraya sitting on the most comfortable chair on the deck…sleeping. 

 

“Hey! Old man, no sleeping on my birthday, unless you got a fat stack of money in my birthday card!” Naruto hits Jiraya lightly on the shoulder, and the ‘old man’ moves like he’s been electrocuted.

 

Sasuke finds it both hilarious and slightly terrifying Naruto can talk to his elder relatives like this. Well…Jiraya isn’t his grandfather , but didn’t godfather deserve a little respect too? Actually thinking about it, the man didn’t deserve it.

 

“Naruto!! Naps are sacred why are you interrupting me.”

 

“You can nap in your own house.”

 

“Naruto be a little nicer to Jiraya, he lost everything in the divorce.” Kushina shouts over in their direction, laughter ensuing. Sasuke holds his laugh and Naruto laughs outwardly loudly.

 

Jiraya, looking aghast, “Ay! Minato control your wife!” 

 

“The fuck did you say old man?” Kushina’s voice can turn mighty threatening at the turn of a hat, and Sasuke always knew that. (She looks even more threatening considering she’s wiping off the frosting with that giant ass knife she gave to Naruto to cut the cake with.)

 

“I don’t control her, she controls me.” Minato comments, looking slightly fearful even when her anger isn’t directed at him. 

 

“You’d think he’d learn not to say that kind of shit,” Tsunade comments, it seems she’s gotten into the alcohol as well, ‘cause her drink is now some sort of spiked can or something. “Even as a ‘joke.’”

“Here you go Naruto, don’t spend it all in one place,” Jiraya hands Naruto straight up cash, not even concealed in a Happy 18th Birthday card. ( Which Sasuke finds incredibly lazy, but it’s not even like his parents even remembered his birthday, much less give him money for existing for 18 years so—)

 

“That’s it?” Naruto says for one second Sasuke thinks he’s serious, but he laughs at Jiraya’s incredibly not amused face. “Sorry! Sorry! Thank you Godfather .”

 

He saluted, and Jiraya seems to have taken the joke but hands Naruto more money anyway. Seems his joke worked in his favor.

 

“Hey kid,” Tsunade calls out, handing Naruto an indigo blue envelope. “This is for you, it’s your graduation and birthday gift, since I couldn’t make it to both. Same as your shithead godfather said: don’t spend it all in one place.”

 

Jeez they have a lot of animosity for each other, Sasuke thinks, not remembering this family drama at all. 

 

“Thank you Granny,” Naruto says, way more solemnly, even nodding his head in a slight bow. 

 

“Don’t get all mushy, just open it.” 

 

He does so, pushing away the mountain of cash inside to read what Tsunade has written. Complete with awws, and thank yous; and another hug, putting the card with the cash inside the envelope.

 

“Your welcome,” She answers, not at all seeming like she cares all that much. Of course that’s only on the surface.

 

“She’s never gonna change,” He says when she walks away. “And damn I thought she was a gambling addict where’d she get all this money?”

 

“Maybe she won?” Sasuke supplies.

 

Jiraya, laughs, without giving any context. 

 

“Her? Win? Hilarious.”

 

“You, find another wife? Hilarious.” Naruto says, clearly he has a favorite godparent. Even that was uncalled for. Actually, maybe not.

 

Naruto thinks back to the last words in the card, I’m betting on you Naruto. 

 

Using his actual name and not kid or idiot , or Mini Minato which she hasn’t used in a while though, cause he’s almost the same height as his dad now. 

 

Kushina puts the cake away, and Minato ushers them inside after a second to where he’s set the table for everyone for dinner.

 

Sasuke doesn’t know where to sit at first, until Naruto nods to the seat next to him. Jiraya and Tsunade sit at either ends of the table, while Minato and Kushina sit across from Naruto and Sasuke respectively. Sasuke tries not to feel like Naruto’s mother is watching him, she’s not whenever he looks up, he’s just paranoid. 

 

Dinner was okay, he certainly felt better than he does at his own house for dinner. The stale, dry conversation (if any) is replaced with frequent words being exchanged. The older people at the table actually refer to Sasuke, asking his opinion on the subjects, and his input.

 

“So how are you liking college, Naruto?”

 

Tsunade asks Naruto, and Sasuke sees Naruto’s mood dim slightly. 

 

“It’s…a lot more difficult than highschool, but I’m dealing with it.”

 

Sasuke wonders if it was harder for multiple reasons so far.  He tries not to think of it. 

 

“Don’t stress yourself out about it, a college degree is only a stepping stone, you don’t need to be the best in your class or anything.”

 

Naruto only nods, and Sasuke’s never heard a degree talked about in such lax terms. Maybe when you had a family that put less of an emphasis on a degree and perfect grades, you turned out a much happier person. Actually that wasn’t a ‘maybe’ since Naruto was the proof. 

 

“How about you Sasuke? You were valedictorian of your year right?” 

 

The mention of being valedictorian already makes him feel sick. But Tsunade mentions it entirely casually like no one’s told her the shitshow graduation was. That thought helps only a little.

 

“Yeah,” He answers, throat running dry, trying to stifle his reaction, “I think college is a bit like high school actually.”

 

“Of course you do,” Naruto mutters, but no one seems to hear him.

 

“You and Itachi, both valedictorians from the same school, I’m sure your parents must be proud.”

 

Not proud enough, He doesn’t say, because obviously. But he’s thinking it very strongly in his head right now. 

 

“Yeah,” He answers again, and Tsunade has no idea why he isn’t more responsive. These questions were just all the wrongs things to say, she didn’t know that. Sasuke feels like he should be more…sociable, or whatever.

 

“Sasuke, how long have you known Naruto exactly?” Tsunade isn’t here all the time, so of course she doesn’t know certain details such as this. Sasuke’s grateful for the change in topic, so he puts more energy into his answers.

 

“Feels like forever, but we only really became friends in the fourth grade I think,” He answers, thinking about how Naruto and him were pretty much sworn enemies as kids, because of some petty argument he doesn’t remember the details of. Then eventually they became friends considering the amount of times their mothers decided to let them interact. 

 

At some point though, there was an unspoken distance between Mikoto and Kushina, that they never really bothered to discuss with their sons. But Kushina always refers to Mikoto amicably, and Mikoto never has a bad thing to say about Kushina, so maybe the two just became busy and no longer saw each other. It didn’t have an effect on Naruto and Sasuke’s friendship so he didn’t think about it all that much. 

 

“He’s kind of my opposite,” Naruto jumps in to say, “I think that’s why we work together so well.”

 

Jiraya seems to pipe in now despite having just watched all of them speak for ten minutes.

 

“Either of you have girlfriends? You’re both 18.” 

 

Sasuke wants to recoil. How did the conversation get here? He literally cannot imagine dating a woman. He didn’t hate women, but with the amount of female attention he’s unwillingly been subjected to over the years, a girlfriend was not on his mind. Even if he didn’t know he was actually just gay, he’d still think that. 

 

“No,” Sasuke answers, warily, wondering why this old man was looking at him like that. 

 

“I’ve dated this one girl.”

 

Why did he feel the need to bring her up.

 

“For three weeks,” Sasuke snidely says, Naruto looks at him, fake-dejected. 

 

“Longer than you with anyone.”

 

That hurt more than it should have.

 

“Minato,” Jiraya addresses, “Remember that kid I looked over for some time? Well, he’s not a kid anymore but–Hatake Kakashi?”

 

“Yes, of course I remember him. He’s married now.”

 

“You knew?” He looks, almost offended, “I just found out he’s married to a male teacher. I just never would have expected, a guy like him…”

 

“I mean, I don’t think it’s really surprising, Jiraya, after all…—you know what? We shouldn’t be discussing the personal lives of people who aren’t here, and if you have a problem with it –”

 

“I don’t,” Jiraya makes eye contact with Sasuke, and now it makes him feel weirdly targeted, “I just think it’s less obvious who’s gay and who isn’t now.”

 

Hm. He doesn’t like the way that was worded, or even why Jiraya brought it up, but luckily Kushina pushes the conversation elsewhere, with Minato’s assistance. Naruto looks at Sasuke, as if to wordlessly say, that was weird.

 

Naruto leans next to him to speak lowly, 

 

“I basically consider Kakashi to be my uncle, but he’s closer to my age than my Dad’s, apparently Jiraya used to look after kids who were orphaned like my Dad, and Kakashi but it was years and years apart.”

 

Sasuke nods at the explanation. After all this time knowing Naruto’s parents he never know Minato was an orphan. He would never have guessed considering how good of a parent he turned out to be. Perhaps it was because he had no parents that he wanted to make sure he was a good father to his son.

 

“It seems everyone’s done eating.”

“I actually was thinking of having another slice of cake. Kushina you are an incredible baker.” Tsunade praises, making her way over to the fridge, Kushina trails after her, to presumably to cut her a slice. 

 

At around 8pm, Jiraya starts seriously falling asleep on the couch, and Minato nudges him to go home. Sasuke half-wonders if he should go home too or stay over. It wasn’t a question of what he wanted to do. More so that he wanted to make sure he wasn’t overstepping on Naruto’s birthday. Didn’t he want to be with just his family? 

 

Minato and Kushina pulled Naruto away from Sasuke, and Kushina gave him a smile, promising to give him back soon. It made him slightly flustered the way she treated him. Sometimes it was like she acted like Naruto and him were already dating, but it was always plausible deniability, and she never overstepped any unspoken boundaries. 

 

It’s not even a minute past Naruto left, and Tsunade is putting on her light brown jacket to leave. 

 

“Sasuke, you’ve got a moment?” She’s wrapping a blue scarf around her neck, and Sasuke doesn’t really know what Naruto’s godmother would want to say to him. He’s not doing anything right now, not even on his phone, so he gets up to stand next to her.

 

“Yes, is there something wrong?”

 

Because that’s his first instinct when some older person asks to speak to him.

 

“No,” She almost laughs, “You were so tense the whole time, practically making me anxious…I was wondering if you’d like to indulge for a second.”

Upon the word, indulge, she pulls out a blunt. Ok Sasuke Uchiha, the former valedictorian for his highschool has literally never smoked weed a day in life.

 

“Sure,” He answered casually as if he did this every day or at least every week.

 

“It’s a little cold out so put on a sweater, I don’t want to smoke inside Kushina’s house, she’d kill me.”

 

Now she sounds like the younger one here.

 

Outside, Tsunade hands one of her own to Sasuke, and lights it up for him. He watches her take a drag inhaling deep and slow, and then exhaling much faster than what she took in. It’s easy for her. Tsunade turns to look at him, and she laughs. 

 

“You’ve never done this before have you?”

 

“Is it obvious?”

 

“No,” She answers, sparing him, “But I started smoking when I married that asshole. I used to be an alcoholic, so I traded habits.”

 

“Do you ever miss it?” He asked, curious.

 

“What my marriage?!” She laughs in what could only be deemed as an irreverent, no, then she answers his question again, “The alcohol…sometimes. Not as much as I used to, I’m not in the same headspace as I used to be when I depended on it.”

 

“Sometimes when you’re so in your own head and in that self-loathing, it feels like you can never get out of it. Like the futures nonexistent, so why does it matter if I drink today if I won’t even be here next week.”

 

“I get what you mean.” He answers, taking his first inhale, copying the movement she had made with more ease than he thought. It’s only when he exhales does the effect hit him and he coughs, embarrassingly

 

“Naruto’s 18 now…god, I remember when he was a baby.” 

 

Tilting her head at him, she now rests her forearms on the railing of the Uzumaki’s porch. She looks around at the house, and at the sky, Sasuke feels it in that moment, the weird sort of synchronous moment the two were having even though he’s never had a personal conversation with her ever. 

 

“You probably know, but Kushina and your mom were best friends. I’ve known Kushina and Minato since they were teenagers and I always knew they were going to end up together inevitably.”

 

“I feel like you and Naruto are like that too. I just know .”

 

Sasuke’s shocked, no one’s ever put it that way before. That him and Naruto could be as compatible as Naruto’s parents. Maybe it was weird, but he kind of wanted…something like that. He never imagined he could have it.

 

“I don’t think so. Naruto deserves someone…”

 

“What? Better?” She says that like she’s taunting. “I don’t think you give yourself enough credit Uchiha. You’re smart, not as much of a talker as he is, and you’re not some broody asshole you clearly care. There wasn’t enough guys when I was growing up who could admit they feel things.” 

 

“Besides, that boy is literally in love with you. Haven’t even been here the whole day and I can see it. I don’t understand how you don’t see it yourself.”

 

Sasuke still, can’t find an answer for her, a reply or something to say. She’s not going to convince him that he’s suddenly worthy enough for his best friend, but there’s no way she was starting to convince him Naruto liked him in that way too.

 

He takes another deep inhale, the smoke enters his lungs with every breath he takes, but these deliberate breaths in are what grounds him to right now it seems.

 

“You’re getting the hang of it.” 

 

“If I brought Naruto here, Kushina would flip out, she isn’t against it, but she doesn’t like to be reminded that her kid is an adult now.”

 

Mikoto doesn’t like to be reminded Sasuke is an adult either, but the two parents certainly are dealing with this change in differing ways entirely.

 

“She needs to let her baby grow up. She didn’t want him to go too far for college, and he changed it. Tell you what, that kid might look exactly like his dad, but he’s a Momma’s boy.”

 

“He loves both of his parent’s equally.” Sasuke felt the need to comment, when he knows as well that Naruto looks to Kushina for guidance, and his Dad as well, but Kushina first, always.

 

“Of course he does, but thats his mom. ” She emphasizes. “I never had kids of my own, but I understand the heartache of them growing up.” 

 

“When Minato proposed I felt like that was my kid. I watched him grow. ”

 

Tsunade sighs, “Smoking with someone else is always more depressing because I need to reflect on everything. I’m growing older, and it feels like I wasted so much time with someone who was never going to change.” 

 

Sasuke doesn’t know the circumstances of Tsunade and Jiraya’s relationship, but he was definitely picking sides. (In case it wasn’t obvious, it wasn’t Jiraya’s side.)

 

“So I’m telling you,” She pokes him lightly, “ Not to waste time.”

 

All he could say was, “I’ll try not to.”

 

The two smoke in silence for a little bit more time. No words being exchanged, until it felt like enough time has passed that Sasuke felt like he should go back inside. It was also kind of cold, and these shoes were not good for this temperature, and he’s certain his face is red from the cold.

 

“I’m going to stay out here, I’ll say goodbye in a few.” She says when Sasuke says he’s going to leave. He goes back inside, and Naruto’s on the couch laying down his phone he’s playing some game where you have to guess the five letter word in five tries. 

 

“You come out the front door, and here I thought you were in the bathroom.”

 

Sasuke sits down, and he’s surprised to find how normal he feels. Is there even any effects to this at all?

 

“Hey–were you, Sasuke were you smoking with my godmother?”

 

He pauses, either he smells so strongly of weed or Naruto has a really good nose to be able to smell him from that far away.

 

“Yes?” Why is he saying it like he’s unsure?9

 

“She must really like you if she invited you to just smoke with her.”

 

“She’s never asked you?”

 

Naruto looks up at the stairway, lowering his voice when he answers, “Not until like two years ago, then she said it had the opposite effect and it made me ‘more annoying’”

 

That was kind of hilarious to him, “I don’t feel much of anything right now.”

 

“Wait like an hour, and also you might have the craziest dreams.”

 

“Huh.”

 

“Now come on help me I got two tries left!!” He whines with fake urgency, “You’re smart I bet you could get this on the first try.”

 

“If I did that then it isn’t being smart it’s just luck.” He says, while analyzing Naruto’s board of this word puzzle. 

 

G R O A N 

N E S T Y

P L U N K

U N B I D

_ _ _ _ _

 

Groan, Nesty, Plunk, Unbid–”Naruto what are these guesses?!” He thinks while trying to guess, it was a little harder since no letters were green… B, U, N

 

“Bunch,” He says after literally 8 seconds, handing Naruto his phone back.

 

“ Bunch ?!” Naruto inputs the letters without taking the minute to second guess Sasuke’s evaluation. “Hahaha! I got it.”

 

Sasuke rolls his eyes, but Naruto’s enthusiasm is more cute and endearing than annoying. (Because of course he thinks that.)

 

“Did Tsunade leave without saying anything?” Like a damn ninja, Kushina sneaks up on the two to ask them, Sasuke actually jumps minutely in surprise. Something in her face changes, Naruto surpresses a laugh, and Kushina rushes to the porch, finding Tsunade indeed outside. 

 

“I just knew you were out here.” She doesn’t seem angry at all though, and before she closes the door she shouts, “Don’t forget to say goodbye before you leave okay?!” 

 

“ Okay Kushina,” Is Tsunade’s not yelled reply.

 

“Whew,” She rubs her arms with her hands, Red hair slightly out of place by the stronger wind. “It’s cold !”

 

“Not that cold,” Naruto says, just to annoy a little.

 

“Want some hot chocolate? ‘Cause now I do.”

 

“Sure,” Naruto shrugs, Sasuke nods as well cause why not. He hasn’t had hot chocolate in a second anyway, and it was cold. He half believes that if it rained right now it would be snowing. (In actuality it wasn’t that cold since it was only the 10th of October.)

 

“Oh, and we can watch a movie. Tell Dad to pick one,” He adds on. 

 

“Why not me?” 

 

“Because the last time you picked a movie you made us watch a sad one about an old man who ages backwards.”

 

Ages backwards? Sasuke looks at the two of them curiously. 

 

“Sasuke, you want hot chocolate?” Kushina is heating milk over the stove, and pours it into a mug then into the pot. 

 

“Yeah sure.” 

 

A pause. He wants a piece of this. The warmth they’ve got.

 

Minato comes down the stairs, 

 

“Me too!” He playfully puts his hand up, Kushina pours in more milk for him upon request. 

 

“Go pick a movie, your son thinks you can do a better job than me.”

 

“When have I ever gave him that impression?” He leans close to her mouth brushing her cheek as his hand slides to her waist.

 

“You guys are actually insufferable,” Naruto fake complains upon looking at the scene. “Pick something before the cocoa gets cold .”

 

“It’s not even hot yet!” Minato defends and he pulls away, as he gives Kushina a kiss. 

 

Sasuke really doesn’t care what they watch since he’s more than likely going to fall asleep anyway. He’s so tired.

 

“Marshmallows or whipped cream?” Kushina asks everyone generally.

 

“Both.” Naruto answers, and Minato a little delayed, “Marshmallows.”

 

Sasuke, didn’t answer. Or probably would have said whichever is fine.

 

“Naruto, did you say both?”

 

“Yeah, marshmallows first and then whipped cream on top of that.”

 

“Who raised you?” Minato says, which Sasuke, stupidly, finds a little funny.

 

It seems Kushina complies anyway and hands him the mug with his questionable choices. She turns to Sasuke, “What about you?”

 

He’s about to say his default polite boy answer, but something possessed him it seems when he answered what he actually wanted. 

 

“Whipped cream sounds good.”

 

It smelled so delicious, and it’s not burning his tongue when he takes a sip. (Probably because it wasn’t made with boiling water. It’s comforting to drink. Like someone put a blanket over him. 

 

(Maybe Tsunade’s weed did do something because that description was surely…)

 

Speaking of Tsunade…she comes back in, nose only slightly red, and she looks about ready to go to sleep. 

 

“I’m going to head home. It was nice seeing you all again, I’ll try to come back before Naruto’s 19. Kushina, send me a cake. Minato…I’d say call me once in a while but I hate talking over the phone, so I don’t know, send me a letter. And Naruto stay good, you’ve got the best of both of your parents, don’t waste it,” She address the entire family rather quickly, and surprisingly, turns to Sasuke, “You’re a good kid too Sasuke, at least, I like you a hell of a lot more than your brother.” 

 

(Sasuke thinks that might be the best thing anyone’s ever said to him.)

 

They drink their hot chocolate to a horror movie. Minato had chosen it since it was basically Halloween season. Sasuke largely overlooked Halloween since his mom never liked the idea of taking him around “trick or treating” around the neighborhood. It just wasn’t a thing she did as a kid, but she indulged him until Itachi decided he was too old for it at the ripe age of 9 or 10 and Sasuke couldn’t go without him.  

 

Naruto loved Halloween season, though Sasuke couldn’t pinpoint whether he liked Halloween or Christmas more. ( Thanksgiving was not on the list of contenders ) The movie was one of those “found footage” horror type films. He wasn’t looking forward to watching it, considering he’s seen one of these before and didn’t find it scary or even entertaining. 

 

Three young adults go into a small province in the middle of the night to sneak into a shrine, and they stumble upon what they don’t know is a grave. 

 

Sasuke, thinking he is above this, takes the movie as a challenge, and in his head he scrutinizes everything these characters do. 

 

1. These people were idiots for doing this for a Youtube video. 
2. One of the three died very early. He wouldn't admit he nearly jumped at that jumpscare only 15 minutes in. It was overshadowed by Kushina jumping at that same scene though. 

 

Naruto wasn’t spooked at all . Sasuke wanted to shake him during the next jumpscare scene, but it probably wouldn’t do anything. For as long as he’s known him, Naruto never got scared by movies like this. 

 

By the end of it, another person dies trying to lift the curse they had gotten at the beginning by trespassing, and only one survives. They only live by learning what happened to the child’s grave, and reciting the words the shaman had told them to say at that specific site. 

 

Just when Sasuke thought the movie had ended, there’s a reveal the only one who lived actually was that dead child’s mother, who knew the entire thing the whole time, and only “made the film” to curse the viewer, so by the end she convinced you to recite what she had recited which “lifts the burden of her daughters soul.”

 

He thought it was a dumb movie. 

 

“Sasuke! We’re cursed now.” Naruto says, amused, making stupid ghost noises. Ooooo

 

“I didn’t get it, so the girl at the beginning was the mother of the kid who was possessed?” Kushina starts to ask, looking at her husband now. 

 

“Yeah,” Minato answers, “The whole thing was to spread the words to get as much people to say it as possible.”

 

“Ahhh, and we said it.”

 

“Yeah because Naruto thought we all should.” Minato chides it’s only playful.

 

“Sorry guys.”

 

“It’s not real,” Sasuke says a little too aggressively, thinking he killed the mood for a moment.

 

“Or is it?” Minato challenges, smiling looking just like his son. Naruto resumed those stupid ghost noises. Sasuke pauses, looks at all of them, and laughs.

 

Kushina and Minato head to bed right after. 

 

“I assume you’re staying, Sasuke?” 

 

He thinks, even though he had nothing to think about. It was 11pm and it’s not like his parents were expecting him. They’d actually probably be annoyed he came this late. 

 

“Yeah,” He answers, thinking about how he hasn’t stayed over in a long time. Since they were in high school.

 

“I’ll give you some extra pillows, and we have the air mattress–”

 

“I got it Mom, it’s okay you should go to sleep.”

 

“It’s your birthday and I’m totally fine setting—”

 

“You’re tired go to sleep, ‘love you.”

 

Kushina comes over to hug Naruto. 

 

“Thanks for everything Mom. Today was great.”

 

“You’re welcome. My boy is an adult now.” She gives him extra squeezes, and waves bye to Sasuke. Saying goodnight to both of them. 

 

“I know where the stuff is, do you mind sleeping in my room?”

 

Of course he wouldn’t mind. But he’s kind of getting too tired to form words so he just nods his head again. When they get everything set up, Sasuke knocks out on the air mattress Naruto placed next to his bed. It’s slightly lower than Naruto’s own bed, and closer to the outlet. He totally forgets about telling Naruto about the gift he placed on his desk. Also, Naruto was right, he had some weird dreams that he won’t really be able to remember in the morning. But one thing he is certain of, is that he slept really really well, strangely enough.

❖

Naruto’s surprised at how fast Sasuke fell asleep. He knew his best friend was getting there when he stopped answering sentences with words and just nods and/or hums. He didn’t even bother to open the blanket he handed to him when getting the air matress out of the storage closet. Naruto knew it was going to get colder during the night, so he doesn’t think much of it when he opens the blanket for Sasuke, putting it over him. He hopes Sasuke doesn’t think much of it either. It’s not a romantic gesture, it’s not. 

 

He kind of wanted to talk more to Sasuke, and remind him that he won’t only treat him like he’s fragile or something. They can continue their friendship like it always was, it’s just that Naruto can’t completely ignore it like Sasuke wants to. 

 

Though it seems he was doing good today, smiling more, (as much as Sasuke can anyway) he even laughed, and he seems to enjoy spending time with his family. He even smoked with Tsunade so honestly today was a success. He didn’t deny food at all, or just not eat it. He felt like he saw Sasuke let go a little today and it was relieving. 

 

He asked his mother to make the lemon cake since Sasuke really enjoyed it all those years ago. It seems he did even more so now. 

 

He’s not tired, but he can only scroll on his phone for so long.

He gets up, just planning to drink some water, and maybe find his Dad’s melatonin gummies to be able to fall asleep. He felt so awake but didn’t want to be tired in the morning. 

 

Some sort of reflection catches his eye and he notices something on the desk that wasn’t there before. 

 

A square box, with a tag on it. A present? 

 

He glanced at Sasuke after seeing it, who was soundly sleeping on the floor. He must have really been tired. Or he’s pretending just to avoid talking. (Naruto wouldn’t put it past him.) After looking at his even breaths for half a minute, Naruto affirms that he was indeed asleep.

 

Going over the the desk with the most silent footsteps he could manage, he looks at the tag. 

 

To: A blonde idiot

From: Your only friend

 

Sasuke’s as cheeky as ever it seems. He wondered if he should open it now, or if Sasuke would be upset. Well, why would he? It is his birthday. Sasuke probably just forgot to mention it before he went to sleep, and likely didn’t want everyone seeing what it was if he bothered to bring it up here. 

 

Naruto doesn’t ponder it any longer and opens the box. It’s a glossy matte paper, clearly cardstock, and the edges weren’t perfect, like it wasn’t factory made. 

 

Wait, did he hand fold it? 

 

As soon as he thought that, he was reminded of Sasuke’s origami fixation in middle school. After Naruto taught him how to fold a square paper into a shuriken, Sasuke took to it whenever he was bored, and even learned other things using only the basic yellow post it notes. Swans, boats were just a few of the things he learned, and Naruto was really starting to feel like a one-trick pony that year with how fast Sasuke learned pretty much anything. 

 

The memory hits him with a sort of nostalgia, for how easy it was to be friends with Sasuke then, and how much happier he seemed to be. What changed? Time, maybe, reality. 

 

Opening the box revealed a folded piece of loose leaf paper, on the right corner was a doodle of a frog, blue ballpoint pen. 

 

All these details he’s taking in, made him think of Sasuke just making this at his desk in his dorm, measuring and scoring, finding his heart smile at the detail.

 

He doesn’t open the note yet, wondering what was inside that he’d take care to package like this.

 

A glint of silver, Naruto pulls up a chain, being suspended by the same black cardstock the box was made of. The tab fully pulls up, and Naruto pulls it out. 

 

A silver chain, a necklace, or pendant? And at the end of it, a guitar pick, a black metal his fingers press over it in the low light.

 

It’s engraved. He just can’t read the words right now. 

 

His mind remembers how he got up for water, and puts the necklace over his neck, stepping carefully around Sasuke’s mattress, he opens the door slowly, not closing it all the way, and makes his way downstairs to the kitchen.

 

It’s much easier to read in this light, the kitchen had battery powered LEDS under the cabinet, specifically for nights when someone wanted to enter the kitchen past going to bed.

 

Naruto pulls the necklace to see it.

 

10.10.22

 

And on the other side, an N and S embedded into the fine metal. It doesn’t take up most of the space, and Naruto felt as though you can’t even really notice it unless you’re close.

 

It felt…like a romantic gift. Like something you give to your boyfriend, not a best friend. The thought doesn’t bother him at all, he wished Sasuke saw it that way too, but there’s no chance in hell he’d gift this if he thought there were romantic undertones. The guy hasn’t dated anyone before, how could he be expected to know?

 

Sasuke did kind of miss things socially sometimes. Naruto just thought it was another mark of him being that socially awkward smart type. 

 

So he won’t mention that, he can just pretend in his head, and accept it gratefully like he should. 

 

He opens the note, reading it 

 

Naruto, I hope you’re not disappointed. I didn’t know what to get you, you’re very hard to shop for. 

 

I feel like you pick up hobbies and drop them even faster. If you ever decide to bring one back, definitely pick the guitar. You weren’t half bad at it. But don't ever pick up a recorder or flute again. 

 

Naruto laughs, he can’t even believe Sasuke remembers that two week “I’m going to learn guitar and be in a band” arc of his. He found his father’s old guitar and decided he wanted to learn. Minato was patient with him, and taught him all the cords so he could play famous rock songs, but that was only interesting when he got it right. When he wanted to make stuff up it never worked out, one day he put Dad’s guitar down and never picked it back up. It’s probably in the attic or basement right now gathering dust.

 

Naruto’s eyes go down to a spaced out final sentence.

 

I also picked this just because I thought you would look nice with some jewelry. 

 

Now he knows he reads that over twice just to make sure that’s what Sasuke really wrote. It makes him happy—almost giddy.

 

Sasuke was so sweet, and it felt so private. Like he was the only person who knew Sasuke could be so thoughtful. This was simple, but told a lot about him. Sasuke didn’t have to get him anything, he wasn’t expecting anything at all actually, but he wanted to give him something. 

 

Sasuke deserves someone who thinks about him and cares for him in the way he deserves and Naruto really thought he could be that person. He wasn’t perfect but he would surely try to be. He knows he’s said things he probably shouldn’t have, and thought things he definitely shouldn’t have, and he was too close to actually just complying and not trying harder. 

 

But he knows that Sasuke still wants to be his friend, and he still wants to try. So that was motivation enough. They didn’t have to get anywhere romantically, in fact that wasn’t even on his mind. Just as long as he was okay looking as content or even happier than he did today, then things were going to be fine. Hopefully.

 

Notes:

There needs to be more fics where Naruto's parents are alive. It's a need!!

I would be very happy to hear what you thought of this one, what you'd maybe want to see. Unfortunately, I am self-aware enough to know what I originally wanted to accomplish with this chapter didn't happen, but I was sick of putting this off for the majority of the year, and I'll just have to move on. I am definitely going to finish this entire fic next year. The first draft of this fic was written in Nov 2021 which is just insane to me.

Chapter 5: Part One: Winter Snowfall, Functional Families, and Self-Depreciation

Summary:

Sasuke and Naruto go back home for the winter break.

Notes:

I wanted to post it for Pride Month, but time got away from me, and I was too lazy to write or wasn't feeling it for no reason. (I also got really into Tower of God again turns out I really missed it.)

This chapter is LONG, but it's only one half because Chapter 4 became wayyy too long to read comfortably so I figured I would split it. The next one has a bit more drama and fluff but I still hope you enjoy this part.

Thanks to Eniko for encouraging me to write this and for beta reading the first 10k. Without that assurance I probably would have mulled over it for another 10 months thinking it sucked badly.

 

Sasuke didn’t always hate the winter. When he was a kid it was a much more joyous time than it is now. He’d lie awake during Christmas, counting down the hours to midnight. He didn’t even care that much about what he actually got. His parents never made a big deal about the presents because they always had to earn whatever they were given. And the threshold of what was earned was always a bit too high to ever actually reach. There was always room for him to have done better. Itachi always set goals, and Sasuke could never seem to reach them.

 

So it was less about the material things and more about the atmosphere. Everyone was happier, it just seemed to fill the air until it was in his lungs. White snow was pristine in their neighborhood on the sidewalks there would be a path but on their lawn it was pillowy. Soft enough to sink your entire body into it and it would hold your weight. 

 

He liked going over to Naruto’s house when they became friends. Naruto was happy almost all the time, so the wintertime just made him even more excited. Sasuke loved the Uzumaki house. 

 

They made cookies and watched movies together, and he had a snowball fight for the first time with them. Naruto said it was “so unfair” for adults to be against them. But when Kushina switched to Naruto’s team and Sasuke’s team with Minato won , he demanded that they switch back and it was adults against kids again. They still lost. Minato said something about ‘not going easy’ on Naruto just because he’s their son. Kushina told him to calm down and that being that competitive wasn’t very sportsmanship-like. 

 

“Honey, you’re a grown man, they’re half your size,” Kushina and Minato just agrees, he’ll never get over how the two worked together so well, and were such a contrast to his own parents' relationship. 

 

Kushina made it her mission to give them a good Christmas that year, especially after hearing there were so many things Sasuke hadn’t done before. He appreciated it as much then as he does now. Maybe more so now. Since he knows it takes a lot of effort to do things for your own kid, much less two. He laughed in that house more during that winter before high school started than the other three seasons that same year at his own house.

Now winter was just cold. 

His childhood was over, and he was an adult now. But it wasn’t really, he still felt like a helpless kid, unable to do anything to further where he is. He felt stagnant, unable to move from his childhood to the next phase in his life. 

 

He was hoping to get through it by getting through college as soon as he possibly could. One way to do that would be taking a winter class, but his father didn’t allow it. Strangely enough. Sasuke thought it must have had something to do with his mother. She must have said something to him because there was no way that Fugaku Uchiha would deny his son a chance to graduate early. That was so uncharacteristic, Sasuke would sooner think he was on his deathbed than assume he actually cared about something so trivial as mental health or whatever. 

 

He didn’t push it though, lest they think he never wants to see them. (He doesn’t.) He’s honestly just going through the motions. He’s only in college at all because he needs to get a sustainable job that pays the bills so he can leave his parents house. That's the only long-term goal he has at the moment. If he even has one. It was also a non-negotiable in his household to go to college. 

 

So he packs up most of his things, he’s going to be in this room for the spring but definitely not for the next fall semester. Sasuke chooses to overlook his own mind saying the if you make it that far. 

 

(He honestly can’t picture himself any older than 25)

 

“You’re not staying for winter classes?” Suigetsu asks on his way out, seeing him carrying a box.

 

“No–wait, are you asking 'cause you’re gonna miss me?”

 

“I definitely will. I need someone to annoy when I am procrastinating.”

 

“Good luck sitting in silence.”

 

“Thanks, I am gonna need it. Bye Uchiha.”

 

“Bye.”

 

He might actually miss seeing that annoying face all the time for these long couple of weeks ahead. Suigetsu was certainly interesting, but Sasuke wouldn’t say out loud how much they had grown on him.(Suigetsu would never let him forget it.)

 

“Whatever, bye Suigetsu.”

 

Sasuke says lifting the box a little in place of a wave goodbye. He already brought over his other stuff to the car. Itachi was the one picking him up, so he had to bring in all his shit into his car alone. He didn’t even know Itachi would be the one here. Until he got the text to come outside. He’d actually rather his father, only cause he’s pretty sure his old man wouldn’t talk the whole way home. (Actually when he thought of it, if it was to lecture Sasuke, the man could definitely talk. So it was a choice between two evils)

“You’re not doing any winter classes?” 

 

Itachi asks him once he steps into the passenger seat. As if he didn’t see Sasuke haul his boxes in Itachi’s trunk. He was so tired at the last one that at least one is sure to tip over with the way he placed them, but Sasuke’s not sure he cares very much. 

 

“No.” He doesn’t hide the fact he’s annoyed with his brother and his parents.

 

“You surprised? Mom always wanted me during winter break.”

 

“I know.” He remembers it vividly. When Itachi would come back home from the fall semester and their mother would spoil him like it was a welcoming feast for a prince at home from war.

 

He thought maybe this wouldn’t apply to him since he was fairly sure he wouldn’t be missed as much as Itachi was. Look f

 

“You look so fucking depressed. Don’t tell me you’d rather be in class.”

 

“I actually would.”

 

“No wonder you’re not dating anyone,” He says, probably intending to hurt him with that comment, but Sasuke scoffs. He couldn’t care less. 

 

“Don’t you have your own apartment to fuck off to by now? Why are you picking me up?”

 

“Well, Sasuke , Mother told me I should pick you up for some brotherly bonding.”

 

“She did not say that.”

 

“She actually did, verbatim. She says that she thought you pushing me away was a phase that would go away eventually but she’s worried that you’re pushing everyone away or whatever, I didn’t pay attention to most of it. I just said I would pick you up so she’d stop her sob story.”

 

“Maybe if you weren’t such an asshole I’d like you better.”

 

“Maybe if you were better, I wouldn’t be such an ‘asshole.’” Ever think of that?” Itachi only talks like this when it’s just them. Never wants to let it show just how much he actually doesn’t care about his little brother. Even so, what he said didn’t make any sense. If Sasuke was better than Itachi somehow, he wouldn’t stand for it. He knew that his brother would fight tooth and nail to stay on his skyscraper high pedestal.

 

“…Never crossed my mind,” He says instead, going quiet trying to end this conversation. He shifts his body to look out the window so Itachi is in his periphery. 

 

He wishes he didn’t leave his headphones in that last box. 

He wants to sleep, but the car is so low to the ground he can feel every single bump in the road. So instead he focuses on nothing…because Itachi doesn’t have music on and he drives through in silence like a complete weirdo. Sasuke thinks maybe he does this just to fuck with his head. No way he drives the hour home in complete silence and only the sound of the car on the road. Right ?

 

Luckily the college is only thirty minutes away from his old house on a great day, and today was indeed a great day. (To drive that is.) So he didn’t need to spend more time in the car than what was physically optimal. 

 

He grabs his boxes, Itachi being so gracious enough to help him out, just where the parents can see him. God, he’s a fucking natural at this. Born to play the role of the perfect son. The perfect brother. Sasuke really has to give it to him.

 

In front of their mother Sasuke asks, pretending like he doesn’t have a very strong preference on the matter.

 

“Are you staying the entire break ‘til February?” 

 

“Why you don’t want me to Sasuke?” Itachi tetters on the edge of teasing, definitely for the enjoyment of one Mikoto Uchiha.

 

“I, unfortunately, will only be here for a week, I have actual work and things I need to tend to.”

 

“Great,” Sasuke says, forced smile, upright posture. “I hope it all works out for you.”

 

“Thank you, Sasuke,” Itachi pulls him into a forced hug, Sasuke half thinks his brother is going to rough up his hair under a closed fist and braces himself, “You’re so, sweet.”

 

The words taste like acid and he wasn’t even the one who said them.

 

Itachi releases him like it burns to touch him when their mother looks away. She’s seemingly happy with their “closeness” so far, and Sasuke’s geniality. 

Greeting his parents goes as expected, with barely a caring sentence from his father, and an overly caring appearance by his mother. Two polar opposite reactions, two equally uncomfortable responses made by him. Neither really bothering to point it out.

 

When the boxes are brought to his room he says he’s going to go upstairs to “unpack,” just to get away from it all. He doesn’t, he sits on his bed and decides what he should even do with all of this free time that’s spontaneously appeared in front of him. Historically excess free time in his parents doesn’t go over so well.

 

First on the agenda, nothing. He closes his curtains, closes the door, takes off his jeans, and goes the fuck to sleep.

 

It’s hours before he’s called down to do something and that’s hours of him forgetting he’s here in the first place.

 

*

“ Come on mom, you’re embarrassing,” Naruto says as she kisses him on his cheeks multiple times. Hugging him like he’s just a baby. They’ve come to pick him up, and Minato watches from a small distance away. 

 

“Just let her have this, she missed you,” Minato says smiling at his son's subsequent pout. Maybe he is a child.

 

“You missed him too you idiot, come here,” Kushina beckons her husband to hug them both, and they do. Minato then pulled Naruto into his own hug. Naruto will never truly admit how much hugs from his parents made him feel safe. 

 

“I never said I didn’t miss him too Kushina,” Pulling away, they finally get into the car to drive back home. Kushina takes the wheel of the car while Minato helps with the last of his son’s things and they start to drive off.

 

“Was I really embarrassing?” Kushina asks, after about ten minutes of driving and of course, how can Naruto deny his mother's feelings?

 

“No mom,” He answers, feeling her touches on his skin, he really did miss her. It feels childish to say. But he’s only ever known living with them his entire life. It was certainly a new experience being away for so many weeks.

 

“Next time try harder then!” His father says, “If he isn’t embarrassed we didn’t do enough.” 

 

“Hey!” 

 

The car ride is good, it’s not that long of a drive despite so many people leaving campus today. Not many are willing to pay to stay when they don’t even have class the rest of the year and January.

“Excited for Christmas?”

 

“I’m not ten, Dad,” Naruto says. Minato looks at him a little wistfully from the rearview. 

 

“I know,” He answers, “But you can still be excited by childish things, at least for now. Don’t be in such a hurry to be an adult.”

 

“I promise you it’s not all that.”

 

He says it in such a way, Naruto can’t see anything other than sincerity.

 

“Alright,” He pauses, question rising from the tip of his tongue,  “Did you both start decorating?” 

 

“No, we couldn’t do it without you.”

 

Naruto smiles, that answer makes him slightly warm, “Okay then we’ll just have to do it when we get there.”

Christmas was never a deeply religious holiday with the Uzumaki household. It was for his maternal grandmother though, who wanted them to go to church every Sunday. The grandmother that Kushina has largely cut off due to reasons such as,

 

“She had expectations of me that I just couldn’t keep up with anymore, so that’s why we don’t really talk to her. She can’t seem to let it go.”

 

Naruto didn’t mind very much, the woman as long as he remembered her was mean and spiteful, and he was fine with it. 

They continued with their rather commercial traditions of the holiday, and yes Minato dressed up as Santa for one year, and couldn’t resist kissing his wife. All his stark yellow-blonde hair was completely covered by the store-bought Santa wig, and long beard to match. Naruto, luckily, did not see that as a child. It would have been rather jarring. 

 

The two always wanted to have more kids, but they just weren’t able to for reasons unknown. Naruto always wanted siblings when he was younger, but they were such a tight-knit family unit at this point, there was no reason for him to think of them as four or more. Besides, when Sasuke would join over the holidays, that was all the space they could fit, and they didn’t mind. 

 

When Naruto got home, he began by packing his things away. His mother always told him an organized room is an organized mind. But that didn’t come naturally, and it also didn’t to her so he never saw the point in saying it. He was only doing it now because he knew he wouldn’t want to after a day of being home and the boxes were permanently situated by the chair. 

 

“Naruto!!! Do you want chocolate-chip cookies?” His dad’s voice calls out from downstairs, and the thought of his father’s recipe making him nostalgic before he even smells it.

 

Is that even a question?

 

“Yes!!!” He yells back, excited at the idea of it. 

 

“Good, I premade a batch yesterday, so they’re in the oven now,” Minato says now upstairs he goes automatically to the box Naruto was unpacking. “I think you brought too much stuff with you.”

 

“That wasn’t me, that was Mom.”

 

“Makes sense, she’d want you to have everything.”

 

“Yeah, I think I’ll be much smarter about it in February.”

 

“You could always ask me for help too, since you always use too many boxes to pack things.”

 

“I don’t have good spatial reasoning.”

 

“You may look more like me, but you’re just like your mother,” He laughs, and fishes more in the box as he speaks. 

 

At some point he ends up handing Naruto a picture frame of him and Sasuke at age 8. Naruto forgot this photo existed and didn’t even remember packing it. At that time, they didn’t look very happy to be forced to take a photo together. But the two of them small were undoubtedly very cute when faced away like they had their hands handcuffed together for this.

 

Naruto stares a little too long at it, wondering where all the time went, and why does it move so quickly, constantly. 

 

“You two were both so young then, and hated each other but you’re practically inseparable now.” 

 

“Yeah.” Naruto answers, placing the frame at the far side of his room on the nightstand. He tries not to feel sad, he’s home, it’s the holidays. It could snow tomorrow.

 

The oven beeps, and instantly, Naruto’s reminded of the cookies, even upstairs it was starting to smell heavenly. 

 

“Cookies are done.”

 

He’s feeling better already.

 

*

 

He’s only been home a few days and he doesn’t want to be here for the rest of the winter break. 

 

Five weeks .

 

One day in, and Itachi made a comment about how he’s been gaining weight. It isn’t true, and he didn’t know why his brother said it. Too bad for him, he didn’t care enough to even feel some type of way about it. It was only when his mother heard, and decided to look him over that it did make him feel bad about himself. 

 

How did they put an idea in his head that he suddenly cared? They’ve always told him he didn’t even look as healthy as he could, and they might have known something was wrong, subconsciously. 

 

Two days in, and he hasn’t left his room. He still hasn’t checked the grades for his finals. He knew they were up because he got the email, but he’s worried that they weren’t as good as they could have been. He knew he passed, he hasn’t failed a test in ten years, but this was different. There were consequences before but there were worse consequences now. 

 

(What if he was distracted, what if he could have studied harder, done more somehow.)

 

Third day his father tells him to check. 

 

“We have to decide whether you’re an investment worth pursuing,” He says like he’s buying stocks and not supporting his son’s future, “Financing your education is an investment and I expect nothing less than 110% of your effort.”

 

Sasuke hands him his computer, not bothering to check the numbers himself. He didn’t care, he did care. He didn’t care. He did care. 

 

“3.18 gpa, what is this, you failed Freshman Seminar? ” 

 

Itachi's voice reads off his failure. Of course he was listening. Even invading his space, head placed on Sasuke’s shoulder as his noisy menacing ass gets answers. To anyone who didn’t know him, i.e their parents, the voice would be calm, sympathetic even. But it’s bridled with sadistic humor and he’s amused. Great, at least someone’s fucking happy in this house. A peek of the real version of him shining through.

“Freshman Seminar is supposed to be easy, I don’t get it Sasuke, how did you fail it?” His father chimes in way less amused.

 

When Sasuke can’t seem to find an answer immediately, Itachi feels the need to ‘give his two cents’ Sasuke is glad his brother is off his shoulder now. He withdraws the urge to stretch that arm.

 

“When I had it, we only did a few assignments, they didn’t even count attendance.” The mocking in his voice is so clear.

 

“Well no one’s asking how you—“ Sasuke stops himself before he finishes the sentence. He’s sure if he finished it his father would have hit him. 

 

“Itachi, please go, this is going to be between me and your brother.” At least he had some sense to send Itachi away. But still, he didn’t know which was worse, having a conversation with Itachi as the peanut gallery, or a one on one with just his father. (Ok he does know.)

His father sighs and Sasuke sits and waits. The way the family clock clicks in the background becomes more prominent to him. His mind runs through the potential ways this conversation can go.

 

“Sasuke, you aren’t stupid, I’m sure the Freshman Seminar must be a misstep, and it’s not like we will need to pay for that class. At least, explain to me what happened.”

 

His father isn’t gentle, so this seems like the most gentle approach he’s ever had to take. It wasn’t the route Sasuke thought this would go.

 

“We only had a few assignments, and I did them all, but it ultimately didn’t matter because I…didn’t present one of the stupid papers,” He admits, and his father has seen firsthand how bad he is at that.

 

“You are going to have to get over that fear Sasuke, it’s not a life or death situation.” 

 

He says it like it’s petty, and he knows that. He knows it’s stupid, and he needs to get over it. He knows he’s an adult, and that this should be a thing he left in the past. It didn’t used to be this bad. The Valedictorian’s Speech was the worst it’s ever been. Whenever he did have to go up in front of the class sometimes he could get out of it, or he was in a group, and bribed someone on it to do his part for him, or he’d do it and rush through the whole part and hardly anyone heard a thing. It was easy to do all of that, but when he had to go up on the podium, there were hundreds . In his lecture hall, there were a hundred students, sure not everyone even came to Freshman Seminar, but he couldn’t just present the first paper when people who went to high school with him knew what happened. Naruto could have been in that crowd. He couldn’t go through it again.

 

He’d rather have a panic attack in his bed, than in front of an audience. Suffer alone where no one can see you, judge you.

 

“This isn’t something you should fail over,” He says, and he’ll try to do that thing he does where he’ll try to come up with a solution. “Email the professor, if you did all the other work, try to see if there’s anything they can do.”

 

“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that,” Sasuke tries, his dad also loved email. Something about work settings did that to a guy. Sasuke also didn’t want to explain this to his “professor” who was literally a student, a senior. There was a faculty member in the back of class probably playing that no internet dinosaur game the whole time. (Wifi in that lecture room was fucking terrible)

 

“Just try it, what’s the worst he can say?” 

 

“She.” Sasuke corrects unnecessarily, his father doesn’t care.

 

“She, he, they, ” He rolls his eyes at the last one, of course,  “It doesn’t matter Sasuke—the point is, you need to advocate for yourself,” 

 

He sounds a little more impatient now, “This whole social anxiety, depression, whatever, it’s trendy, but it isn’t attractive. You need to seriously start thinking about your future because you have no use to anyone if you just lounge around all day. We aren’t supporting you if you don’t get your act together. You’re going to have to find somewhere on your own to live and…”

 

His father keeps talking for around two more minutes and Sasuke just finds himself staring at the houseplant behind him. The monstera seriously needed some water, actually now that he’s looking at them, all the houseplants did. 

 

He didn’t want to think about what would happen if he did any worse than how he was doing right now. He didn’t even do bad, it just wasn’t perfect. Even if he did fifty percent better, because his heart isn’t in it he’d still be having some of this conversation still. That he needs to focus , think about the future . 

 

What fucking future?

 

His fathers voice seems to fade back in, like his eyes settling back into focus. 

 

“Do you understand me?”

 

“Yes,” he answers his eyes back on his father. He’s tired, and his head hurts, he wants to lay in bed for the rest of the day. Unconcerned with the consequences.

 

“I don’t think you’re listening to me.”

 

I wasn’t.

 

Maybe his thoughts show on his face because his father just sighs again.

 

“I don’t know what I have to say to get through to you Sasuke. It’s like you…don’t want to understand. Like you’re deliberately—“ He stops that thought, “You could be so successful Sasuke. My sons, they’re both so much better than I am, and I don’t want you to waste that.” 

 

Woah. 

 

Sasuke blinks, looking at his father like he just grew another head. 

 

“What?”

 

“You have more opportunity than I did, I’m able to support you two and I want to. But I’m not going to throw money at you and pretend it’ll fix all your problems. You have to be the one to actually change things. But you don’t seem to want to do anything. I won’t be financing you if you keep this up.” 

 

He gestures to him, as though he’s supposed to know exactly what he means. Does he means his grades, his mental health, physical health? What? What about his future? What does his father want him to succeed at? There’s nothing he wants, nothing to gain. No future he can see himself actually happy in? What’s worth pursuing? What life does he actually want for himself? 

 

He couldn’t answer it now. He couldn’t give a day, maybe if he had the energy he could.

 

He feels terrible still. He knew his grandfather died, leaving his Dad with nothing much. Until he met Mikoto and got his great job before Itachi was born. Working his way up to support them. He can’t ever say he hated his father. He disliked him, most of the time. He found a lot of aspects of his character unseemly, and old-fashioned. (Extremely old-fashioned)

 

It made him want to examine himself to make sure he never ended up like that. But then he was forced to know the sacrifices his father had made for them. It makes him think if he deserved any of this at all. If he was just going to squander it with whatever was wrong with him, then why even try at all. Why even live right now at all if all he was, was a parasite living off the labor of others and not even self-aware enough to feel grateful for it. 

He supposed on some level he was grateful. But at the same time, he wanted to be anywhere else. 

 

Just, anywhere else.

 

“Okay Dad,” He says trying to look not as exhausted as he felt. Probably failing miserably, “I got it, I’ll do better.” 

Fourth day, and he was entirely mentally drained. He blames the talk with his father the most. He started thinking about how feasible it was if he got a minimum wage job, moved out, and went to school off government aid. 

 

The answer was, not feasible at all because even farther from the college, a one room apartment would cost more for one month's rent than he could spare if he worked for minimum wage. This goddamn economy…

 

So yeah, if he wanted a roof over his head when he came from campus and you know, food and water he would need to continue using his parents money. He could still work and go to school in the meantime, but he knows his grades would take a hit, then he’s probably losing his tuition fund (Mikoto and Fugaku) and the house he used to call home.

 

He wished he could complain to Naruto about what was going on. Or someone. He can’t complain to Naruto though, that was out of the question. He can’t just ignore him and expect sympathy and emotional support out of nowhere. That was shitty. 

 

The memory of Suigetsu just putting his number in his phone before he left comes to mind. But he hasn’t spoken to Suigetsu since then, and it would feel weird to talk to him about something as personal as this. Even though he already knew some things about his home life. Like how he dislikes ( understatement ) his brother, and if he remembers when he moved in, he’d know his father was a pretty secure unfeeling bastard sometimes. ( Most of the time )

 

He texts “Hi” just to break some ice?

Is something wrong?

 

No

 

Oh. I feel like u wouldn’t text me unless u needed a car ride 

Why?

You don’t even have a car

Karin does and you make her drive you around

Well you don’t have Karin’s number 

Do you? 

If you do don’t answer that

Point is smartass I thought u would only text for something 

Not for nothing

 

Nope

There’s nothing 

 

Really?

How is visiting your family going then?

Great.

 

I’m sure.

Sasuke doesn’t answer that. He can just hear his annoying roommate next to him as if he’s there. He should have known this was a hit or miss idea, Suigetsu was good at reading him. He wanted to know why, but then that would be admitting he was right most of the time, which, he could think of worse things he would rather admit than that. 

 

He gets another text after leaving Suigetsu on read for more than a couple minutes. 

Sasuke tell me what’s wrong!!! I’m dying in suspense here

 

Nothing is wrong

I told you, just saying hello

 

You are such a liar,

I know you didn’t just want to say hello

Fine, whatever. 

 

I have a 3.18 gpa

 

Ayyy

That’s pretty good!

 

…

 

I guess…not good?

 

My dad gave me a lecture

Said I’m not being serious

Will cut me off if I don’t improve

Everything**

 

Like everything everything? 

Cause man, your sleep schedule is fucking 

TERRIBLE

I mean, i cant talk but ur def worse than me

 

Seriously?

You were going to every party your first semester 

 

Yeah but I got at least five hours of sleep after! 

And when I wasn’t at a party, I slept for at least seven 

Can YOU say the same??

 

Occasionally I get six hours.

 

Well you’ll have time to catch up then.

Hey Sasuke! You live close to the college right? 

 

Sort of. I still need a car to get around

 

Maybe you should get a SEASONAL JOB! 

 

Like working at a department store? 

 

Exactly. Make some money over the break, keeps you away from ur toxic fam for some odd hours, and you have smth to do. It’s perfect.

 

It actually sounded somewhat appealing, but he didn’t want to ask Itachi for a ride, or his dad, or his mom. He could just take public transit like before when he went to Naruto’s for his birthday.

I’ll see if there are any openings.

 

Though the more he thought about it, actually working at a department store sounded like a different type of hell; but it was probably better than this one and at least he got paid. 

 

It was a little over a week til Christmas, and maybe he could find a seasonal job. At least it would be something to do while he’s over here.

 

Anything else you want to talk about.

 

Sasuke thinks for a moment. Really there was so much. All these emotions weighing him down like so much baggage. He feels the weight of that most of all, and is dying to let it out, tell someone. But that’s so much so fast and Suigetsu didn’t deserve that…And neither did Naruto. Probably not anyone except a licensed therapist who gets paid for that. (But his parents don’t believe in therapy, and he’s on his parents insurance.)

 

Some part of him also believes therapy won’t really work, because it can’t actually solve the problems that are stressing him out. It would only let him talk about them. 

 

So for now,

 

Nah, I am glad I got to say at least that much to you. 

Thanks for the idea, I am gonna try it out.

It’s been a week and a half, they are getting closer to Christmas and Sasuke’s been having a difficult time. Getting a seasonal job in his neighborhood was not as easy as Suigetsu made it out to be. Maybe all the seniors from this year filled the spots leaving little else for returning college students. 

 

Maybe everyone who read his short resume threw it in the trash. Maybe everyone who interviewed him hates his guts.

 

This is so annoying, I’m applying for minimum wage no experience…but they want three years experience.

 

He shuts his computer in frustration. 

 

Just in time for his older brother’s scheduled bullying session. 

 

Turns out everyday, Itachi gets the urge to bother Sasuke when he’s just in his room not bothering everyone. It’s like an impulsive action his older brother has and if he doesn’t do it he’ll like die or something.

 

“Seems like someone’s got anger issues,” Itachi comments, making Sasuke’s blood pressure rise instantly.

 

Look who’s talking. 

 

The boy who once made a hole in his wall by slamming his door so hard and blamed it on his 15 year old younger brother. (Sasuke to this day doesn't know what Itachi was mad for enough to do that.)

 

“I’m just frustrated Itachi,” Sasuke says, annoyed and exhausted all at once. He doesn’t even know why he responded. Usually he’s good with ignoring but it seems he wasn’t doing good enough to make the conscious effort.

 

“Maybe don’t take your frustration out on things you didn’t pay for.” 

 

Like he needs the reminder. 

 

“What do you want? What are you here for?” He asks annoyance entirely overtaking tired.

 

“Mom’s calling you. Surprised you didn’t hear.”

 

He manages not to roll his eyes. Someone should give him a cookie, it was very hard.

 

“I’ll be right there,” He says in his most customer service voice. Itachi gets up off his bed and leaves, not nearly as fast as Sasuke wanted him to leave. But good enough.

 

Sasuke tries to reign in his irritation as best as he could. He has no idea why his mom called, what her mood is, what she wants him for. For all he knows, she’s in a good mood, and him being in a bad one will automatically change that.

 

“Hey Mom,” He says, as neutrally as humanely possible. It’s still probably not enough. “Itachi said you called?” 

 

“Yeah Sasuke, how do you feel about earning some money over the summer?” 

 

Why does he have a feeling this is a horrible idea. 

 

“Sure?” He says hesitantly. Truthfully the job hunting around here within his range was not going well at all. He does want a reason to leave the house that isn’t seeing Naruto. Which he hasn’t done quite yet. 

 

“Don’t look at me like that, I’m trying to help.” 

 

He’ll believe that this is entirely altruistic when he hears what this is actually about.

 

“My coworker Asuna, and his wife want to go on vacation from the day after Christmas to the end of January, but they feel weird about leaving the house to a stranger and I told them that I have a son who is doing absolutely nothing over the break and would have nothing better to do than take care of the house.” 

 

Technically his mother isn’t wrong, the phrasing bothers him. He tries not to let it show. Why does she make it seem like he’s some deadbeat. He’s only here on winter break. 

 

“Okay,” He replies, wanting more information, but honestly house sitting would be a hell of lot easier than retail that’s for sure. 

 

He doesn’t want to ask how much he’d make from this because that seems rude somehow. But he hopes his mother doesn’t think he would be doing this for free. Also how would this experience even count as getting his feet wet or whatever since it’s off the books?

 

“60 a day, and they have one dog.” 

 

Sasuke has no idea if that’s good or not. Technically the semester starts February 1st but even if it didn’t he would have no reason to say no. This is the best possible job for him he just needs to sleep at a strangers house, and watch their dog? That’s easy as fuck. 

 

His excitement at this realization changes his mood nearly instantly.

 

“Tell him I’ll do it,” Sasuke answers quickly, “I can meet before they leave if it makes them feel better, and I could meet their dog and they can tell me what the dog needs and…”

 

“Ok ok Sasuke don’t get ahead of yourself, I will let him know you agreed to it.” Mikoto stops him from continuing. Something in her sharp tone heightens his wariness.

 

“He had some reservations since you’ve never done this before, and you’re not even 20 yet, I told him you’re responsible and if you do get to do this I expect you won’t make me or him look like an idiot for trusting you.”

 

Sasuke just nods his head for fear of saying the wrong thing. He’s practically buzzing with the idea of not staying home.

 

He’s still standing near her as she pulls out her phone. She glances up at him.

 

“You can go now, I’m sure I’m not gonna get an answer right away.”

 

He nods, and rushes to leave. She’s clearly annoyed now but he can’t really get why, it’s not like Sasuke refused, or did anything wrong. Right?

 

A small voice in the back of his mind tells him not to get his hopes up. This would be good if he did get to do this but don’t get too excited because you’ll only be disappointed when it doesn’t work out.

His mother doesn’t tell him anything for the next two days, and he doesn’t get his hopes up…he totally doesn’t. This isn’t the reason he stopped looking for jobs or started packing…

“Sorry Sasuke,” his Mom says, coming into his room. The door kept slightly ajar since he knows how much his father hates when doors are closed. (Only his door) 

 

Sasuke’s heart breaks and she hasn’t even explained what she was ‘sorry’ for. He knew what it was for. 

 

“I know you were excited, but Asuma had found someone else to housesit. Sorry.”

 

His mother hugs him unprompted. He’s sitting down so it’s slightly awkward. It likely would have been awkward regardless. 

 

He takes a minute to bring his hands up to meet her back. 

 

He tries not to let show sad he is about this 

turnout. 

 

His mother’s in a good mood. She seems…genuinely apologetic. 

 

“It’s fine, I thought this might happen anyway.” He forces a smile. 

 

“Aw thanks for being a good sport about it, I’m sure you’re happy not having anything to do this summer anyway.”

 

“Right, it’s nice to relax,” He’s convincing himself, he’s convincing himself—

 

“Good, good,” Her hand cards through his hair, his skin itches with unwanted contact. When his mom used to hug him it always made him feel…like she wasn’t doing it for the right reasons. Right now he isn’t sure how he feels but he’s sure he’s not supposed to feel this way about it.

 

He tries to feel okay. 

 

“I’ll see you at dinner alright?” 

 

She releases him, looking around his room, “Pick up this room a little bit before then.” 

 

“Okay,” He responds automatically, at her kind tone that sounds like it could even be a suggestion. 

 

He’s being dramatic. He always is.

 

It’s not a big deal it’s not a big deal.

 

His mother doesn’t close the door, and he gets up to close it, sliding down with his back against the wood.

 

It takes him five minutes of half-breaths to calm himself down from…something.

 

What was it? Nothing. It was nothing, it didn’t turn into anything. It was him…being dramatic.

 

He returns to his bed, fully stabilized, then realizes her mother left her phone on his bed. Probably when she sat down to hug him.

For some reason, Sasuke picks it up, and maybe it was a divine force or simply pure curiosity coursing through him but he doesn’t put it back down or immediately give it to his mother. He tests her passcode wanted to see if she’s ever changed it from Itachi’s birthday or not. He unlocks her phone first try, he miraculously doesn’t roll his eyes. All her passwords he knew of connected to Itachi.

 

When it unlocks, it’s in her messages she sent a text recently to Asuma. 

 

His eyes skim the messages in even more curiosity.

It would be so great if Sasuke could housesit for us. It’s hard finding someone for so many days.

 

I could even increase the pay if he wants.

His mother’s response makes him pause.

 

There’s no need, turns out Sasuke is very busy and can’t do it.
Sorry I mentioned it Asuma, I hope you find someone soon.

 

Oh no problem, don’t worry about it Mikoto.

I’ll ask Guy if his son is available, maybe that’ll go through.

 

Good Luck, you and Kurenai could always talk to me about anything. You’re newer parents but I’ve done this twice, and my kids are grown I have tons of experience. 

 

Thank you Mikoto,

I know you’re a wonderful mother, your kids are amazing

You must be so proud

My daughter is peaceful right now, but everyone says wait until she turns two!

 

Thats where the conversation ends, Sasuke turns off the phone. Putting it back on the bed where his mother had left it. She…sabotaged him. She told him about this opportunity, got him excited about it, then…turned and told Asuma he was busy. What the fuck? Why say anything at all. He wasn’t busy he said he could do it! He wanted to. 

 

Oh. 

 

She wanted to take away something he wanted. 

 

Why didn’t he understand that sooner. 

 

Why did he always want his parents to love him like this family was anything normal. 

 

His mother comes back up to ask if she left her phone here, he hands it to her like he didn’t read what she just did.  Why confront her, there was no point. She’d make excuses, Sasuke would get more heated and in the end his feelings and words would mean nothing because she’s his mother and he’s supposed to love her anyway. Treat her with respect always, and never ever raise his voice or be disobedient. Their was no point because she could do no wrong, and he could do no right.

 

The silence was so loud, his ears were practically ringing. He takes a deep breath grounding himself to the present, and texts Suigetsu.

Couldn’t find anything. 

 

Really? That sucks. 

Sorry mate.

 

Yeah

I tried no one wants someone w no experience 

Unfortunately 

 

Yeah that’s how it is

It’s annoying 

That’s why you lie 

 

That’s not illegal

 

Fuck no 

And if it is…

Just don’t get caught ig

 

Oh 

Hm maybe I’ll try it

 

Heavy on maybe. Because right now he doesn’t feel like trying anymore. Wallowing in his own misery seems like a way better option actually. Perhaps it’s even good. If he does it enough maybe the wallowing will stop.

 

You’re literally so fucking pathetic. 

 

How do you live with yourself. 

 

He was staring at the abyss as his mind conjures up those thoughts. If he could give an answer he would say he doesn’t know.

 

Spoke to Naruto at all? 

 

Yeah somewhat.

 

Somewhat 

Tf does that mean?

 

Sometimes I talk to him.

 

Seen him in person? 

 

Not yet his house is far

 

(It’s really not)

 

Oh, sucks you need a car to get anywhere. 

 

Yeah it’s the worst.

 

The conversation seems dry and uninteresting, and it’s not Suigetsu’s fault. It’s his for being a moody piece of shit who doesn’t feel like interacting.

 

He leaves Suigetsu’s text alone, not responding. He used to feel bad whenever he just didn’t respond. Then he realized when people did that to him, it was just never that deep and he didn’t care that much. Only sometimes his rational brain would win out in the invisible competition in his head. He usually judges himself by a different metric than others. ( It’s okay if you do that. Not me though ) 

 

It takes a minute or so after Sasuke’s phone automatically shut off for Suigetsu to call him via Facetime. 

 

FaceTime?  

 

He doesn’t want to pick up. 

 

But they were just texting. His friend would know they were being ignored. 

 

Don’t care. He’ll live.

 

…

 

The phone rings out. Sasuke doesn’t touch it. 

 

A second of relief.

 

It rings again. FaceTime again ! 

 

Accompanied by a flurry of texts. 

 

Pick up! 

Pick upppp!

Sasuke I KNOW you’re there.

 

Somehow reading that text felt like a fourth wall was broken somewhere. He felt more…obligated, to pick up. 

 

(And maybe a miniscule part of him…wanted to hear his friends voice in this void)

 

Fine. Fine. Fine.

 

He forces himself to answer. 

 

Suigetsu was right up against the phone, clearly not positioned to take a FaceTime call.

 

Sasuke’s phone was on his bed, facing the ceiling. All his friend would see is white.

 

“Oh you picked up! Yes!” Suigetsu says, muttering sort of. 

 

They position the phone on a hard surface, and it’s framing them from the chest up. Suigetsu looked at the phone. 

 

“Come on! You’re not even on camera.”

 

“Don’t want to be.” 

 

“Such a weirdo. I promise I’m not gonna record everything and post it on the internet. Now come out of your hovel. Or at least give me a tour of your room. I wanna know what wittle Sasuke used to enjoy.”

 

“This isn’t the room I used to be a toddler in, Suigetsu.” He says, but picks up the phone. Suigetsu gets no seconds to glimpse his tired face because Sasuke turns the camera around while it’s facing the ceiling. Picking it up to view his room easily.

 

“Oooh. Ahhhh.” Suigetsu says dramatically. Sasuke sees them pretend to adjust their non existent glasses.

 

“This is the degenerate Sasuke Uchiha, in his natural habitat,” Suigetsu narrates, “A messy workspace is clearly best for the understated genius.”

 

“How did you just call me a degenerate, and genius so close together.”

 

“Compliments and insults go hand in hand,” He breaks his narrator character quickly, “It prevents people from getting a big head.”

 

“Right. So you say you get an equal amount of insults and compliments.”

 

“Oh no I get much more compliments than insults I assure you.”

 

“I see,” He almost laughs. 

 

“What do you think Sasuke is my logic sound?” 

 

“I don’t know. What happens to people that get drastically more insults than compliments?”

 

He already knew the answer to that question. 

 

“Easy,” Suigetsu says, he’s looking down at his desk doing something…drawing? “Low self-esteem, horrible self-image, low confidence…”

 

Sasuke didn’t ‘get quiet’ because he wasn’t talking anyway.

 

“It’s inversely related, you see,” Suigetsu holds up a piece of paper with a crudely drawn graph. 

 

Y-axis had “self image”, and X-axis wrote “compliments” (Sasuke assumed the negative numbers would correspond to insults) 

 

Two lines merge in the middle, at what looks like to be basic slope. Sasuke squints at the image, Suigetsu could not draw a straight line.

 

“I get it, you were really drawing it out for me?” Sasuke says, disbelief at his friends sheer ridiculousness. 

 

“Of course I need you to understand! Why it’s important for me to build you up…and then knock you down. Like a manipulative relationship almost. We gotta get you from here, ” they point with his pen to the lower left, “to here.” Upper right.

 

Sasuke doesn’t think his self-esteem is exactly where Suigetsu pointed on this poorly made graph of his, but he doesn’t clarify any further. They need to move on from this analogy…metaphor? 

 

“But it doesn’t happen in a day, it’s gradual.” 

 

Suigetsu rips the paper in half, crushing it then throwing it somewhere carelessly. 

 

“So!” They begin to change the subject, 

 

“If I wasn’t doing marine biology, I wouldn’t mind being a therapist. Listening to people’s drama sounds pretty awesome.”

 

“You mean trauma?” 

 

“Yeah that too,”  Suigetsu shrugs, “I’m joking jeez, you’re so serious. And this close to Christmas too lighten up.”

 

“My family doesn’t really care for Christmas. If it wasn’t for the music and all the decorating in the neighborhood I could even forget it’s happening.”

 

“No decor in your house?”

 

“Nope.” 

 

“Do you just not celebrate it? Cause that would make sense then.” 

 

“Uhh we did when I was a kid that is.” 

 

“You were a kid less than two years ago.”

 

“A little kid.”

 

“You’re fucking depressing, let’s move on.”

 

Sasuke couldn’t find something to say to counter this observation. So he waited. 

 

“Back to you being a therapist.” Sasuke helpfully supplies when Suigetsu comes up short. “I don’t think you’d be very good. You’re highly opinionated.”

 

“Hmmm I don’t think so,” Suigetsu sticks his tongue out at him. 

 

Sasuke rolls his eyes, “Whatever. So why did u want to call me over FaceTime anyway.”

 

“To see my room?”

 

“No, to see you but you’re shy as if I haven’t seen you half-naked—“

 

“That was accidental!!” Don’t reference that! His ears were probably red out of the remembered embarrassment. It would have been fully if Suigetsu wasn’t so drunk when he barged in and slammed himself on the bed immediately.

 

(Come to think of it how did Suigetsu even remember that when he was out cold so quickly. Unless he’s remembering something else—)

 

“I just don’t look good enough right now. For anyone to see me.”

 

His voice is small, but as soon as it leaves his mouth it sounds dumb.

 

He turns the camera on himself. 

 

Jumpscare his mind says.

 

“You don’t look bad at all,” Suigetsu says non sarcastically. They let it sit for just a moment before adding, “Your hair is a ducks nest though.”

 

A ducks?! Usually you’d say—

 

“Rats nest was too overused. Plus ducks I’m sure they actually have nests. Not rats.”

 

“I’m sure rats have nests too,” Sasuke says not sure if he’s right or wrong. He puts on a beanie to cover his apparently hideous head of hair. 

 

Stop that Suigetsu didn’t say that, it’s just messy. And of course it is, you haven’t bothered to untangle it, wash it, since you got here.

 

“Nice hat,” Suigetsu says, “Doesn’t match your usual color profile though.”

 

Of course not. It’s orange. 

 

Because it’s Naruto’s. He just put it on without even thinking about how it’s his. 

 

How easily Naruto slid his way into his life. Thinking about him is as easy as breathing, he’s already family, already permanent, and small things like this crept into his living space and he doesn’t even mind.

 

“I guess not,” He replies, not wanting to reveal the hat's origins. Some things, he will keep to himself. 

 

“You look…better than I expected. Are you sleeping more?”

 

Short answer:

 

“Yes.”

 

Longer answer: because I find sleeping easier than being awake around here. 

 

“That’s good, but there is such a thing as sleeping too much. Get some sunlight too, your ghost complexion is scaring me a little.”

 

“Is this really gonna turn into a critique my appearance I didn’t ask.” He snaps.

 

“Sorry sorry. I just wanted to know you’re doing okay, that was my way of showing it,” they scratch their hair, “I uh could see how that might be…invasive.”

 

“…yeah.” He finishes eloquently.

 

Surprisingly mature. Sasuke almost says that. 

 

Now that Suigetsu won’t make any more appearance comments Sasuke loosens up. 

 

“How are you doing?” 

 

Suigetsu blinks like they weren’t expecting to be asked that. 

 

“Winter semester is kicking my ass and it just started. I really didn’t think about the class I picked. I got five weeks for this stats class and I’m not good at math. No one told me it would be harder.”

 

“It’s more condensed,” Sasuke parrots someone whose said that to him before. “Same content, but you’re basically teaching yourself and one exam at the end.”

 

“I’m screwed.” Suigetsu puts his head in his hands, “and no one is getting drunk anywhere.”

 

You shouldn't even be. Sasuke doesn’t say that. 

 

“Just watch a bunch of videos, do practice tests, and study like stats is your life.”

 

“It’s not will I even need it?” 

 

“Maybe not?” 

 

“ Ughhhhhhh ,” The longest most tantrum-y groan known to college freshmen.

 

“Ok I’m done.”

 

“Good I was going to hang up.”

 

“No you weren’t.”

 

Don’t test me.

 

“Is it too late to seduce the professor?” 

 

“You haven’t touched week two you have time,” Sasuke placated them, knowing Suigetsu wouldn’t dare—actually, maybe they would. Not now, not for this but if circumstances were strenuous enough….perhaps.

 

“I’m going to aim for a B that’s doable.”

 

“Totally.”

 

“I’m paying good money for this, you know.”

 

(He’s not paying) 

 

“Absolutely.”

 

“Would you help me if I asked you on the final?”

 

“Nope.”

 

Sasuke is neutral about other people cheating, but for a final he’s not about to risk his neck helping Suigetsu pass statistics he’s sure they can make it. A B is definitely doable. If it isn’t, C is a passing grade he will make that, surely.

 

“Thanks for the faith, I’m certain you said that because you believe in me wholeheartedly.”

 

“Yeah.” 

 

Suigetsu laughs, “You’re so dry sometimes it’s, like, the best delivery.”

 

“Hm.” Sasuke gives him a deadpan look, making Suigetsu laugh a little bit more, “I’m starting to think you called because you’re procrastinating.”

 

“I am not at liberty to say—“

 

“Suigetsu!”

 

“What I told you with you being gone it would suck. I would have no one to annoy.”

 

Suigetsu actually doesn’t annoy Sasuke as much anymore simply because he’s used to his antics by now. Sometimes Suigetsu even reminded Sasuke of Naruto, when they were in high school and Naruto went through this how far can I push Sasuke’s patience phase. It was rough, eventually Sasuke ignored him for two weeks and Naruto toned it down. If Sasuke could deal with that he could deal with Suigetsu now.

 

For some reason the memory of that makes Sasuke smile minutely. He didn’t even think about it. 

 

“Fine I’ll go I’ll go,” Suigetsu says, “But I will strike again, I think this socializing is good for me.”

 

“You could also go outside,” Sasuke comments, “Or how are your friends Karin and Jugo.”

 

“I like to think of them as our friends thank you very much.”

 

“And they’re fine, Karin asks me how you’re doing, and Jugo sends his regards….like he’s 50.”

 

“Tell both of them I say hello.”

 

“You could tell them yourself. But maybe stay off Karin’s contact list for as long as possible…you know what I’ll just tell them.”

 

“Okay bye,” He pushes not saying Suigetsu was still procrastinating but—

 

“Okay okay!!!” Suigetsu says, then something about his tone gets a little serious.

 

“You can text me whenever okay? Call, text, a fucking letter, and I’ll respond. I’m your friend and try to remember that.”

 

Something feels wrong about giving a non-answer like Mmhmm

 

“Okay Suigetsu. I won’t forget that.”

 

Sasuke hangs up not wanting to hear Suigetsu say something sappy as fuck.

 

He wasn’t sure how long the call was, but he feels better, not even entirely remembering what he was bothered by before. Until it hits him. But it doesn’t seem nearly as urgent or world-ending as before.

 

God, he really was a drama queen. Maybe Itachi was right. 

*

The week before Christmas. Naruto comes over, wearing a Santa hat, and holding a reindeer made of chocolate, in a plastic see through box.

 

Ding-dong 

 

Ding-dong 

 

It’s freezing outside. There’s a light snow on the ground, just barely starting to form, and Naruto was only wearing the cheap polyester Santa Claus jacket. He didn’t have matching pants or a belt or even snow boots. Upper half: Santa. Bottom half: Naruto.

 

It is Fugaku who opens the door.

 

Naruto is about to start knocking even though he can hear the bell, when Fugaku opens the door mid-knock.

 

Naruto’s hand goes back at his side like a rubber band snapping into place. He feels the need to bring the reindeer lower than the level when he meets Fugaku’s eyes.

 

“Is um Sasuke here?” He asks like he hasn’t known Sasuke’s parents for years.

 

“Yes, he hasn’t been anywhere else.” He answers, Naruto tries not to be bothered by the fact Sasuke never came over to visit. He used to love Christmas at his house. Maybe his long-time friend just grew out of it. 

 

Fugaku lets him in, the cold air follows, and Naruto leaves his shoes at the door. He still wears his coat though, for the effect.

 

He notices how the house isn’t decorated, no tree or any lights. It looks exactly the same as it did the last time he was here. He doesn’t know how to feel about it. He knew the Uchiha’s weren’t big on Christmas so he kept it moving.

 

“Is Sasuke upstairs?” He asks, Fugaku doesn’t directly answer, only waving his hand as if Naruto was bothering him by being there. He isn’t entirely used to this dismissive treatment. Sasuke’s parents were always at least polite to him. Sasuke made it known how they acted when company was around wasn’t the same as in private. 

 

Naruto decides to check Sasuke’s room himself. It’s most likely for him to be there. He carries the reindeer carefully even though he’s pretty certain the chocolate is solid through, it slides in the plastic and it unnerves him. There should have been slots for the deer or something so it didn’t…move.

 

His train of thought stops when coming to Sasuke’s door. 

 

A breath.

 

He knocks, gently, one-two, pause then three in rapid succession. He’s a kid again, they just made this up as a secret. 

 

“Naruto?” Sasuke calls before he opens the door. Then he’s face to face with him once again.

 

Sasuke seems to brighten up. 

 

He’s happy to see me.

 

“Hi,” Naruto says, totally not awkwardly, “I brought you this!” 

 

He nearly shoves the reindeer at Sasuke’s chest. 

 

“It’s solid chocolate with toffee, and caramel? Or hollow and filled with it, I don’t really know the description wasn’t all that specific—“

 

“Just come in here why are you acting so weird?” Sasuke says walking into his room. 

 

It’s so clean. 

 

Sasuke only really had it this clean in high school. No boxes or papers lying around or anything. No clothes on the desk chair. 

 

“And why are you wearing a Santa cosplay.”

 

Naruto enters as Sasuke says that, closing the door behind him.

 

“Because it’s Christmas next week? This is also my Dads old Santa costume, could you tell?” 

 

“No,” He eyes the look, “It seems you haven’t gotten your Dad’s build yet, the jacket is huge on you.” 

 

Not huge.

 

“Eat the chocolate already,” Naruto says pointing, Sasuke looks between Rudolph or whatever and Naruto.

 

“Do you want me to eat it or do you want to try some too?” 

 

“It’s your gift do what you want.”

 

“You totally want to try it too,” Sasuke says, “Want a leg?” 

 

“Don’t mutilate Rudolph.”

 

“Oh love, I have to. He’s made of chocolate .”

 

The ease with which Sasuke just said love catches Naruto off guard. He knew Sasuke was just doing a silly bit, but love sounds nice. 

 

It sounds nice.

 

“If you must,” He answers, “Make it a quick death.”

 

“Certainly.” Sasuke bites off the head. It looked pretty solid in fact.

 

Naruto fake cries, “A travesty.” 

 

“This is actually really good,” Sasuke savors the taste on his tongue, “Try it, I think the body is hollow though the weight isn’t evenly distributed.”

 

Sasuke passes Naruto a leg, chocolate and bits of toffee. It’s very good. He wants more but it’s not his gift. 

 

Naruto comes to realize at this moment that now he’s an adult he can also buy himself gifts. 

 

But it’s so much better giving them. 

 

“Mhmm,” He hums in satisfaction, and Sasuke hands him another chocolate piece, caramel seeps out of the body of the chocolate deer like slow moving honey. 

 

“Is toffee just hard caramel?” Naruto asks, as he eats another bite. Poor Rudolph was unrecognizable now.

 

“Not exactly, caramel has a more liquid consistency as you know, and it’s usually just pure sugar. Toffee is obviously solid and hard but it contains butter and sugar.” 

 

“You know so much random stuff that was not a question I expected an answer for,” Naruto says, loving how Sasuke looks at him.

 

Sasuke shrugs, pushing the deer slightly away. In a gesture saying Naruto can eat the rest. His politeness lost to his greed. He accepted. 

 

“Sorry I just remembered that when you asked.” 

 

“Don’t apologize, I think you being so smart is hot.” 

 

Naruto says that like he says that everyday, Sasuke of course, doesn’t say stuff like that everyday, and chooses to actively ignore Naruto saying that. Maybe he’s immune to embarrassment, maybe he sees that as a genuine platonic compliment which is more likely? Sasuke could not say.

 

“Why’d you come over?” Sasuke asks, with a bit of a smirk, “Miss me?” 

 

“Yeah.” Shameless, absolutely shameless. Naruto might be the death of him. Sasuke is stunned into silence. 

 

Naruto continues for the both of them, “I miss you, I wanted to ask if you wanted to stay over at my house for a week or less? I understand if you wouldn’t want to, but my Dad encouraged me to ask and Mom said she’d make some more cookies and whatever you’d maybe want so—-“

“Yes.” Sasuke says, no hesitation. 

 

“I’ll go. I would need to pack, and do laundry before I go but. I’ll be there tomorrow.”

 

“That….was easier than I thought it would be.”

 

“Do you still have that guest room?” 

 

“Yeah we never got rid of it. Dad and Mom didn’t want to make it an office in case you came.” Came back.

 

“Oh,” Something tugs at his heart. It hurts, it’s warm, it’s sickeningly sweet, it’s dull.

 

“I’ll let them know you’re coming.” Naruto says, and for a moment Sasuke thinks he’s going to get up and leave. But this is the best he’s actually felt since coming home. Today there were no unnecessary interactions, no lectures, Itachi was moderate which meant he said essentially nothing. Today it was like Sasuke didn’t exist which was net neutral, but then Naruto came in single-handedly bringing him into the positive. 

 

He’s so glad he came over.

 

He’s so glad. 

 

Sure, a few days ago—weeks he really didn’t feel like talking to Naruto too much again. Worried about what to say. What he would want to talk about…

 

But right now was the closest they have got to before. 

 

Before that day Sasuke broke down, and before Naruto asked of him that insane request. 

 

For this one day the stars aligned and things were normal again. He relished in it like a plant soaking in the sunlight. Naruto, the sun. 

 

That comparison, somehow doesn’t make him cringe. He’s just so…light. 

 

Not even waiting for someone to knock him off his pedestal.

Naruto stays for two hours before leaving when dinner is ready. Mikoto politely asks to stay but Fugaku’s stare silently tells him to exit. Naruto does so, politely, with goodbyes to everyone, and promises to bring Kushina’s cookies before Christmas. 

 

(Sasuke is sure Itachi and Fugaku couldn’t care less about her cookies, but they nod and say that’s generous anyway.)

*

Sasuke felt so much nostalgia seeing Naruto’s family home. He didn’t want to impose by making them pick him up, so he came over with a small luggage by himself. 

 

Kushina opens the door, surprised to see him early. 

 

“Sasuke, hello you’re here early,” She smiles, hugging him and Sasuke finds himself simultaneously surprised and happy as he brings his arms up to meet her. There was just a genuineness to Naruto’s parents that couldn’t be overstated. “We were going to pick you up later in the day.”

 

“It’s okay, I figured I would just not bother you about it.”

 

“It’s no bother, and you came with your stuff too, come in come in,” Kushina beckons, holding the door open for him. “How long are you staying?” 

 

“Uh,” He tries his luck, “A week?”

 

A pause makes him think he might have pushed it too far. He’s about to take back his answer and say a few days, but Kushina smiles brightly at him reminding Sasuke how Naruto has much of his mom in him. 

 

“Sounds good, this is so nice we haven’t had you stay over in so long.” 

 

Has it really been that long? 

 

It was at least when he was still in highschool. Even then he always felt like he was imposing by staying a weekend or so. He hasn’t stayed for an entire week since that one Christmas.

 

“Naruto is actually not here right now, but he’ll be back soon. We have him driving everywhere since he got his license now.” She laughs. “He doesn’t even mind, he’s so excited to drive now.”

 

That reminds Sasuke how he took the permit test before Naruto, but his Dad wouldn’t allow him to touch the car much less drive it. It’s like Fugaku was certain that because Sasuke wasn’t the most confident person, that he’d crash the car right away. So, he never learned to drive from his parents and hadn’t sought out a driving school to learn either. Sasuke doubted his mother would agree. If Sasuke knew the drive, what would he ask any of his family members for then? 

 

“Did you get your permit Sasuke?” 

 

“Yeah, last summer the test was easy.”

 

Kushina gives him a knowing look, “Don’t tell my son that, he failed twice.”

 

Sasuke doesn’t want to laugh, but he finds some amusement in that. Naruto probably thought it would be easy, and didn’t study at all, or even do those practice quizzes. He showed up to the test without knowing the blood alcohol limit and failed.

 

“Oh I definitely will,” Sasuke says, knowing he probably wouldn’t. Kushina smiles, tilting her head only slightly, Sasuke’s seen Naruto do the exact same thing more times than he can count. But when Kushina looks at him, it’s almost like she’s aware of something he isn’t. Or like she’s thinking ahead. 

 

It’s easy interacting with Kushina in a way it isn’t with his mother. She never feels judgemental or that what she says has a different meaning than what her words imply. She’s genuine in the same exact way Naruto is. 

 

She’s relaxed and composed, always. Sasuke doesn’t think he’s ever seen Kushina actually angry before. At least not in the way his father or mother have been before. (Though it’s entirely possible for her to have been considering the way Naruto was as a child.)

 

But even so, Naruto being an incredibly wild, hyperactive child, Sasuke can’t even imagine Kushina ever berating him or…

 

Sasuke used to find Naruto so annoying so there’s no way Kushina didn’t either at least once. 

 

“When Naruto was a kid…” He begins not knowing how to ask,or even why he’d even begun to, “Did he ever bother you?” 

 

“Hm? What do you mean? Of course he did he bothered me all the time, I couldn’t take five minutes without him being near me,” Kushina says this with a smile, like it’s a fond memory, “I could never tell which of us he preferred but I can tell you for sure, when he was very young he clung to me, I would leave and he’d cry, so I would always come back—spoiled him really—then he grew up so fast and doesn’t need me anymore.”

 

That fondness, that clear bittersweet pain in her voice. That wasn’t what he expected, but he surely knew. 

 

“He definitely needs you still. He always will, maybe in different ways, but he’ll always need you.” 

 

Now it’s her turn to look at him strangely. To her, maybe forever, Naruto and Sasuke were still children despite both being legally adults. But it was nice to hear that Sasuke sounded so sure of something. Then to Sasuke’s surprise, Kushina pulls him into a slightly crooked hug, ruffling his hair, “You’re a wise one Sasuke, Naruto grew up so fast, but I feel like you’ve grown up much faster.”

 

Sasuke doesn’t freeze or tense, this affection was warm he sunk into it like he’s had it forever. She lets him go.

 

“I know you probably don’t think of it, but you’ve been a good influence ever since you two decided to become friends and even before that. Naruto’s always tried to catch up to you, and he couldn’t, not always, but he always tried harder than ever when it involved you.”

 

She looks up at the lights, 

 

“When Naruto was in middle school, I don’t know if he told you but, he got approved to take meds for his ADHD but after a couple of months, he didn’t like how he felt on them. He said he felt, well it was hard for him to put into words really, but he said he didn’t feel like himself, and he was sort of sluggish. It took him a little while to tell us, and I always thought it was because he was worried that he’d fall behind you. I told him he didn’t need to take meds to keep up, and he didn’t need to even worry about his progress because it wasn’t a race. I told him to always move at his own pace, he shouldn’t have to worry about what everyone else was doing. We are always here if he needs help.”

 

As Sasuke listened to what Kushina had to say, his heart sunk. Naruto didn’t tell him any of this. It’s both shocking and surprising because Naruto told him everything no matter how mundane especially in middle school when they spoke everyday without fail. He knew Naruto had signs of ADHD but he didn’t think he actually got diagnosed, never mind got medication for it.

Well he remembers, there’s plenty you withheld from him too. 

 

“I’ll never tell you what to do with your life Sasuke. It isn’t my job, it isn’t even your parent’s job. I just worry for you a little. Naruto’s worried for you. And no he didn’t tell me anything…call it mother’s intuition. I may not be your mother, but I am a mother. I am happy you decided to come over this week Sasuke, I’m surprised you said yes to Naruto asking because I’ve been under the impression that you’ve been avoiding my son.”

“I just don’t want you to end up how Mikoto and I did. We were best friends and when she married your father she changed, and yeah we still talk but it’s not even close to the same how it was before. When I spoke to her more recently, I didn’t even recognize the person I knew anymore.”

 

“I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but I want to say it anyway. The way she treats you, it isn’t alright. I can’t say I knew nothing of it but I just…I always thought that she would love her kids no matter what, that if it came down to it, she’d be a mother before a wife.”

 

Sasuke doesn’t know how to react at all. He’s more than stunned, he’s shocked Kushina would bring this all to light. Just what exactly…did his mother and Kushina talk about ‘recently’?

 

As if reading his mind, Kushina answers the question he didn’t even speak aloud. 

 

“Right before you arrived, she called me, very very upset that you weren’t home. She called to ask me if you had come over, and I said no. I suppose you didn’t tell her about the fact you left.”

 

Sasuke shakes his head no even though that wasn’t meant to merit a response. 

 

“I know you’re an adult but you should tell mention to your mother at least, where you are. But she didn’t seem worried, in fact she seemed angry, angry with you for not saying anything and angry and vindictive…”

 

“She said a lot of things about you that I am certain aren’t true, and I had no idea why she felt she need to say all that shit but…” She sighs, as if exhausted just thinking of that phone call, and surely Sasuke can relate. He must have really gotten his mother upset if she managed to treat Kushina even a fraction of the way she acts with him at her worst. “I just know that if Naruto were to leave without saying anything, my first thoughts would be why, concern comes to mind not anger and blame . I would want to know if  he’s safe first and foremost.”

 

“How she spoke, sounded like she just wanted to punish you for acting out.”

 

He doesn’t want to think about the conversation Kushina had. He definitely hasn’t muted his mother’s contact on his phone at all before leaving.

 

“I…” He didn’t even know where to start, this was definitely a lot at once. “I know it’s my fault for not telling her. I’m sorry you had to…hear all that…”

 

He feels the need to apologize for his mother’s behavior even though the way she acted was entirely her own choice. 

 

“Sasuke you aren’t in trouble, I’m not lecturing you. I just want you remind you, if you want to stay for a week, you’re always welcome. If you want to stay indefinitely you are also always welcome here. If your mother can’t…can’t show her concern before her anger maybe she needs to take some time to think.”

 

“So I…could stay here longer. If I wanted?”

 

“As long as you want. There are no limits, Sasuke I don’t know how better else to convey this to you, you are apart of my family. Regardless of how my son feels, whether you are on good terms or not, I won’t abandon you for something as trifle as emotions. I’ve known you since you were a baby and I knew your mother since childhood and your father since college. I’ve seen your family come together and…”

 

Fall apart. He thinks.

 

“Are you sure I won’t be a burden. That you won’t get sick of me if I stay here longer? That it’s really okay?”

 

Kushina looks at him like she wants to hug him again. Her eyes looks so bright in this lighting. But at the same time, almost melancholy.

 

“Yes, Sasuke.” She nods as she says it, almost exasperatedly. But based on the smile adoring her face, she’s entirely genuine.

 

It’s entirely enough to make him forget about the storm that’s waiting for him back home.

Notes:

Let me know what you think. Even if you think it feels rushed, or not as good as the last chapters. I do try my best to write something that is enjoyable to read and fun/interesting for me to write.

Comments are also my biggest motivator so it would be nice to recieve any. If anyone is reading this.

Chapter 6: Part Two: Sudden Visits, Sugar Cookies, and Simple Answers

Summary:

Sasuke stayed, and then he goes.

Notes:

I changed the Part 1 title, but I will likely change it again idk about this title too. It's just hard to title things. This fic originally had a different title too and I don't even remember it. Hopefully I copy and pasted from Docs just fine but if any edits need to be made lmk or don't it's not your job I just like it to be legible.

Sasuke stays in the Uzumaki household for nearly two weeks. 

 

Every day past a week, he felt like he was pushing his luck, and he was surprised his mother hadn’t found other means to contact him by now. After four days she stopped calling, and her last voicemail was three minutes long he didn’t even bother listening to it. But he couldn’t bring himself to press delete either.

Naruto was home everyday and it felt like the closest it’s been to how it was before. 

 

They played games, Sasuke sometimes fell asleep in Naruto’s room on the makeshift bed on the floor made out of thick blankets. Even though Minato had made a temporary room for him, with an air mattress, he felt more comfortable sleeping in the same room Naruto was in. 

 

The blankets, the pillowcases, smelled like him and Sasuke now felt like he could recall the way Naruto smelled even if he was away from him for months. It was so embarrassing how that crush he’s tried so hard desperately to get over never actually went away at all. 

 

Being near Naruto for so long made him remember just why he couldn’t stay away, and why he liked him in the first place. Naruto was such a good person, and they were different in so many ways but also similar as well. It’s as though over the years, parts of himself receded to Naruto’s influences, and Sasuke influenced him to the same amount. 

 

Naruto wasn’t nearly as much of a slob as he was the first time Sasuke had come over to his house. He kept his room tidy, except for the bed. (“ I see no point in making my bed when I lie in it everyday! ”) In the same way, Sasuke’s room currently was probably a mess but that was because he lost the will to keep it as clean as he used to. Which was a different issue.

 

Naruto never lost that competitive spirit of his. He always wanted to win in whatever they were doing and whenever Sasuke won, he’d irritate the hell out of him for a rematch until he won or eventually Sasuke let him win or (rarely) he gave up accepting defeat “gracefully.” 

Sometimes before eventually drifting off to sleep, Naruto liked to talk. 

 

“Sasuke,” Naruto whispers, unsure if his friend is still awake or not. A movement is heard, Sasuke presumably turning in the direction of Naruto’s bed. Sasuke doesn’t say a word for a moment. Naruto can hear his own heartbeat in the silence, one, two.

 

“Yea,” He’s clearly sleepy, Naruto’s ashamed to have bothered him. He didn’t even have anything important nor interesting to say.

 

“Nevermind, uh go back to sleep,” He says, probably should have whispered that too, but now Sasuke’s awake and he didn’t appreciate having his name called out for nothing.

 

“I wasn’t really asleep, what’s wrong.”

 

“Well n-nothing’s wrong,” Stuttering is unlike him and honestly he’s so glad Sasuke can’t see his face right now, because was he really going to say what he was thinking just now, yes apparently, “I was just thinking, I’m happy you’re here. I think I sleep better when you’re here, and you…”

 

“You seem happy.” He finishes, feeling his body temperature rise like he was feeling dreadful summer heat. 

 

Sasuke doesn’t speak. For a moment Naruto thinks whatever he said was wrong or too sappy and Sasuke’s just going to pretend he didn’t hear anything. 

 

“I am, it’s…nice to be here.”

 

Sasuke is also glad for the darkness.

 

“Now go to bed, it’s 2am.” 

 

“Okay, got it.”

 

He turns the other way, but Sasuke doesn’t. Slowly Naruto drifts to sleep, there’s cold air coming from the slightly open window a little refreshing considering how warm it was inside the house. He feels his body return to a safe equilibrium. 

 

Sasuke was glad that Naruto was happy he was here. He didn’t lie either, he was happy to be here with him too. 

Christmas morning comes and goes very quickly. Almost as quickly as when you are a kid and you’re anticipating it. Sasuke wasn’t counting down the days or anything, if anything he was hoping to forget what day it was, because the longer he stayed the sooner he’d end up being back home. He tries very hard to forget that conversation with Kushina when he first got here, that expression she wore when she described how his mother sounded over the phone. It was slightly haunting to him. Just what did she say? Did he even want to know?

 

Naruto wakes up earlier than him, which is a rarity. He pushes Sasuke off his air mattress in his room “accidentally” and that hurt more than he thought it would. But it got the job done, Sasuke was awake and slightly pissed, but he got his revenge soon enough. He tripped Naruto when he rushed down the hallway to the bathroom. That definitely hurt more so Sasuke’s anger dissipated completely. 

 

By today, his sixth day being here, his mornings were routine. Though now Minato was here in the mornings because he was on vacation from work, Kushina stopped working the 23rd as well, so the house was full.

“Sasuke!!!” Naruto yells at him after he locks the bathroom door. He needs peace damn it. He’s actually not that much in a rush to get away from Naruto, he needs to shower and wash his hair for sure. 

 

“You were in there foreverrrrr,” Naruto complains, “And you tripped me my head fucking hurts.” 

 

“Don’t push people out of bed then.”

 

“But you were essentially comatose, what was I gonna do if you didn’t wake up?”

 

“You are such a child.” He mutters, not mean about it. “You can use the bathroom now.”

 

He makes his way over, Sasuke’s walking away from him when he hears, “Holy shit it’s hot as hell in here.”

 

(Sasuke maybe took advantage of the fact no one will shut off the water if he takes too long to shower.)

 

When Sasuke changes and goes downstairs, he sees Minato’s wearing a pink apron humming some tune that sounds sort of familiar but he can’t place it. 

 

“Good Morning Sasuke, and Merry Christmas.”

 

“Oh Merry Christmas.” He sort of forgot today was the 25th. 

 

“If you’re hungry you could eat now but we’ll be done cooking in around…” He looks to his wife for an answer, she looks like she’s guessing then faces Sasuke.

“Thirty minutes?” She says, and he is perfectly fine waiting so he opts to wait on the couch and just do whatever. 

 

In the house, it smells so good nearly all the time. Kushina likes lighting candles, and it always sort of smells like an amalgamation of different scents but they all sort of blend together in a nice way. Not to mention whatever they were making for breakfast also smelled pretty good. 

 

Sasuke doesn’t think he’s ever felt quite so relaxed. Everyone was in a good mood, as far as he knows he hasn’t done anything wrong. Naruto and him were on great terms, and it was like the company you’re around uplifted you. Sure, Sasuke still felt bad sometimes, especially thinking about how his family feels (if they even care) if they are wondering about him. Do they know he’s here by now, are they upset, what is waiting for him when he returns. 

 

But when he doesn’t think about all that it’s very relaxing. No one judges him here, when cleaning has to be done he doesn’t feel like it was all placed on him to do everything either. For some reason however the longer he stays away from his mother and his family, the more this strange feeling builds inside of him. It’s almost as though his memory begins to rewrite itself and he starts thinking about how he was wrong. 

 

Maybe I was overexaggerating

 

Maybe it wasn’t that bad, I’m just ungrateful, they’ve done so much for me. 

 

Sure, they forgot my birthday…but they’re busy people. I wouldn’t be here without them they raised me, don’t I have an obligation to them? 

 

Shouldn’t I talk to my mom?

 

How angry is she?

What would she say? 

“You look deep in thought, what’s up?” Sasuke looks up and sees Naruto. 

 

He took a shower too apparently, but that was so fast, did he even really shower? His hair is wet so Sasuke assumes so. He looks a little too closely at the boy for a little too long. 

 

His anxious thoughts fade for the moment and he’s content. 

 

“Nothing, um just hungry.” He sort of is hungry so it’s not a lie. But he doesn’t want to recount to Naruto all the things he’s been worrying about. He just wants to enjoy the day. 

 

*

 

Suigetsu calls him in the middle of the day, through video call because of course. 

 

“Hey Sasuke!!” He says as though he wasn’t expecting Sasuke to answer. It is true he doesn’t have the greatest track record. “Merry Christmas, my boy!”

 

“Not your boy,” He says, Naruto sees he’s on the phone, creeps up behind him and Sasuke sees from his small screen in the camera, he turns back, “You could say hello too, it’s just Suigetsu.”

 

“Oh,” He says, “Hi.”

 

“Hi Naruto, how have you been?” 

 

“Good, and you? Oh, Merry Christmas,” He says, Sasuke has no idea why his energy is so awkward. He’s usually super personable with literally anyone.

 

“I’m good, trying to get Karin to come over, I miss her,” He sighs dramatically. Then it’s like he’s noticing something, “Wait, Naruto’s here. Are you at his house or is he at yours?”

 

“I’m at his house,” Sasuke says, and to further prove it, he moves the camera around, showing off the extensive Christmas decor. His parents would never do this, much less this nice. Garlands around the staircase, lights practically everywhere, a tree! It was a lot, but they’ve had all this stuff for at least as long as Naruto’s been alive possibly even longer.

 

(If Sasuke remembers correctly, that perfect looking tree is actually not real, it’s plastic, Minato has bad allergies so they couldn’t get a real tree. Kushina had to sadly agree on a fake tree but Minato found her a tree scented candle and she was placated, Sasuke knows it smells very good and very close to the real thing.)

 

“Wow. Oh my god are his parents rich!? It’s gorgeous in here, the moldings, and oh the detailing on the fucking floors!” 

 

Sasuke noticed of course, but seeing Suigetsu point this out it’s kind of funny. Sasuke points the camera to Naruto who simply shrugs. 

 

“This house was my godmother’s she gave it to us because she hated living here, her father bought it when he was young so she grew up here,” Naruto explains. 

 

“Wow,” Suigetsu says again, Sasuke rolls his eyes and suddenly, “Give me a tour I need a tour!”

 

“This isn’t HGTV,” Sasuke says, already regretting picking up the phone call.

 

“Oh come on Sasuke, we can show him,” Naruto says, smiling, clearly amused at Sasuke’s exasperation, “I’ll take the phone if you want.”

 

Sasuke hands the phone without thinking about it.

 

“This is the kitchen,” Naruto says, Sasuke’s grateful Kushina and Minato aren’t here at the moment to hear all this, Suigetsu would certainly say something inappropriate he just knows it. He hasn’t known them for too long but they were as predictable as they were queer.

 

“It looks old and modern at the same time, I love it.” 

 

Sasuke assumes Naruto’s only going to show him the first floor because the house was kind of big and the best parts were downstairs, the kitchen, fully decorated living room which they just saw, and the deck, and backyard. There’s also a foyer which has a really dusty piano no one knows how to play. Or maybe Naruto’s dad knows how to play it, Sasuke’s never heard him play though. 

 

“Hold up,” Suigetsu says as they move forward. There’s just the desk left. “Naruto wait , turn left.”

 

Naruto obliged, confused because there’s only just a small table. 

 

“ Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait!! ” Suigetsu says, Sasuke once again sighs, rolling his eyes. But he was curious as to what Suigetsu got so worked up about, there’s not much here.

 

 “Is that y0ur parents ???!!!!”

 

“...Yes?” Naruto answers clearly confused. If he wasn’t holding the phone, he probably would be scratching his head in that nervous reaction he sometimes does. “Sasuke come here.”

 

He never left, but Naruto pans the camera to Sasuke to show Suigetsu he’s there.

 

“You never said your bestie's parents were hot !” 

 

“Okay? I mean it would never come up but sure.” This is what he’s bothered by?

 

“What! They’re just, my mom and dad I mean—”

 

“I mean of course you wouldn’t see it that way, but objectively Naruto—sorry to break it to you, your parents are hot. Like stunning. Both of them. Your mom, your dad, you got them blessed genes for sure.”

“Okay okay wrap it up, Suigetsu,” Sasuke takes the phone away from Naruto, “Stop torturing my friend, now beat it. Are you happy with the little tour?”

 

“Absolutely not, you’re telling me this mansion of his doesn’t have a backyard anywhere!?”

 

“Nope,” He lies.

 

“Well I suppose you can’t have everything.” He fake sighs. 

 

“No you cannot.” Sasuke starts moving towards ground zero, to the couch. 

 

“Hmm, but this is a really nice place you have Naruto. Invite me over sometime.” 

 

Sasuke gives him a look that says, Absolutely do not do that. Naruto, again looks a little out of place and definitely doesn’t know what to say. 

 

“...Um thanks.” 

 

“And that piano, whew, amazing , didn’t know I was in the company of such elites. ” 

 

“Elites is pushing it.”

 

“We’re just comfortable,” Suigetsu mocks with air quotes for extra effect though Naruto couldn’t see that. This is the closest Sasuke has gotten to just hanging up without saying goodbye.

 

“I hope you reached your weekly quota of annoying me and then some Suigetsu. You did a good job today I’m thoroughly exhausted.”

 

“I’m gonna call again this week maybe I can meet Mr and Ms.Uzumaki.”

 

“Don’t worry you’ll never get the chance.” Sasuke fake-smiles. (It’s off-putting to Suigetsu.)

 

He fake-pouts, “Gatekeeper.”

 

“Yep.” 

 

“Bye!!!” Suigetsu says realizing Sasuke’s just about had it. He knows when it’s time to pull the plug. “Have a good time Sasuke, and don’t forget meeee.”

 

He pulls the phone away mimicking the sound as if he’s falling off a cliff or something, his voice echoing back. 

 

“Okay bye.” Sasuke says hanging up. “Oh my god Sui’s a nutcase.”

 

“You seem to be good friends,” Naruto says, looking slightly…

 

“I guess I would call us friends.” He would, no question by now.

 

“Well I’d call you friends, and that’s a good thing, I feel like the only friend you have is me.”

 

I guess that used to be true. Wait.

 

“I hope you’re not…jealous or anything.” It sounds stupid when he says it. He actually immediately regrets saying it, but something about Naruto’s tone told him so.

 

“Jealous? No, I’m just glad you have more people besides me. It’s a good thing,” Naruto says even though he looks like he wants to say more. “I uh will admit, even though it’s kind of…”

 

Sasuke waits for Naruto to spit it out. Interrupting or pushing verbally would only place Naruto back. 

 

“I was. I was a little jealous when you started being friends with them because I felt like maybe you were leaving me behind but that was childish. A person can have more than one friend and I shouldn’t…be your only person that’s not good.”

 

This doesn’t feel so lighthearted anymore.

“I think it’s selfish of me to ask you to stay.”

For a terrifying moment it feels like they’re talking about something else. Naruto’s blue eyes seem piercing like they’re stabbing straight through his heart. 

 

“For just me. If you want to do your own thing, be your own person and I’m not in that picture I should…be okay with that.”

 

The moment I don’t want you to be here is the day I’m really not myself anymore, because I want you around all the time. I want to be with you always, even when you get married to some woman and I have to pretend like it doesn’t crush my soul. I’ll be there, because…I care about you more than anyone or anything.

 

Instead Sasuke says nothing. 

 

The moment passes and Naruto gets up.

 

“I’m going to do my laundry, it’s um really piling up.”

 

“Okay.”

 

He feels like he missed something by not saying anything, but what could he possibly have said.

*

Kushina is really happy to be home and it’s very clear. She now has time to cook and make her family’s favorite foods, but since there was a new addition here she wanted to incorporate what Sasuke liked. But he was very elusive, saying he’ll “eat anything” and he didn’t have preferences. Of course he had preferences, everyone did. She thought maybe he wasn’t entirely comfortable here yet so she didn’t push it. 

 

People say that children grow up to be just like their parents, but in her experience this wasn’t necessarily true. She personally didn’t grow up to be like her own mother, and Minato…well he was an anomaly because his parents died when he was very young. She doesn’t think Naruto will grow up to be exactly like either of them, considering he’s his own person and the way they chose to parent was completely different from both of their own personal experiences. 

 

This isn’t the first time she’s thought so, but Sasuke was so different from his mother. At least the version of her that Kushina used to know. Then there’s Fugaku…Kushina honestly didn’t have any thoughts about him and regularly liked to not think about the man’s existence if she could help it. 

Even when they were younger and Mikoto started dating that son of a bitch, he was a dick. Clearly misogynistic in a way and had these traditional ideals. Exactly the kind of guy that Kushina would stay the hell away from like he’d give her tuberculosis if she even looked at him. Mikoto probably just liked him because she didn’t get too much attention from boys and honestly Fugaku was “conventionally attractive,” and to be perfectly honest, safe. Neither of these observations were Kushina’s own opinion whatsoever. 

 

Mikoto started talking to Kushina less, eating less, and caring about school less. Yes she finished, and yes she got a job, but that didn’t change the fact she wasn’t in control of her own finances, and Fugaku basically got her pregnant before marriage and they immediately got married after that. It was messy, and Kushina remembers Mikoto crying to her over the phone saying her father had yelled at her for it. Mikoto was an adult then, but she cared so much what her parents thought and this was devastating for her. Kushina to this day doesn’t really know if Mikoto and her parents still talk.

 

Though they weren’t as close. Kushina always held sympathy for her former best friend. Mikoto was smart, strong, and confident. But with that relationship it felt like those best traits of hers died out. 

 

Those phone calls: the day of Sasuke’s birthday and the day Sasuke came to their home showed Kushina she doesn’t need to have sympathy for her. Mikoto is much too old to be making these mistakes and becoming exactly what she previously didn’t want. A repeat of her own parents.

 

Kushina knows she’s in no place to judge how other people raise their children but Sasuke is so clearly in need of therapy and attention it’s alarming. The boy doesn’t eat very much, he’s likely underweight for a boy his age, he’s skittish around company and he’s afraid of angering people. He doesn’t talk much about himself, as if it would seem selfish. He’s constantly thinking, likely how others will react to his own actions. He’s got anxiety, and likely other issues Kushina won’t dare try to diagnose. 

 

Just where was his mother during this? Was she the reason for all of it? These things don’t just happen. There’s always a cause.

 

When Sasuke gave his Valedictorian Speech, she knew he wasn’t a public speaker from the way he trembled, but then he left, practically running and her son chased after him. She hoped Naruto would be able to help, but that night her son came back home completely out of himself.

 

It was jarring and she knew it had to do with something Sasuke must have said. She always knew Fugaku was a piece of shit. In the end, he likely yelled at Sasuke for embarrassing him or what else. She didn’t want to think about it, and didn’t think to check on the boy. She just assumed Mikoto would protect him, and that she was a good mother. Kushina never had any reason to think otherwise. She kept up appearances very well when they were in contact with each other. 

 

When she learned they had “forgotten” his birthday…. (How do you forget your own son’s birthday it’s the same day every year?) Intuition tells her this isn’t the first time. That completely broke her heart. Your child is only a child for so long, and she always tried to make her son feel wanted and special and to forget something like that, to make your kid feel selfish for bringing it up was absolutely unbelievable. Kushina is certain they wouldn’t have forgotten their eldest’s son’s birthday. Now she knew undoubtedly Sasuke grew up in a toxic environment, he doesn’t feel like he can talk to anyone in his family, and he’s clearly overwhelmed with expectations they have for him. No wonder he needs a break from all of them.

 

It’s mostly observation, and speculation but she’s happy to have the opportunity to have somewhere he can be to get away from it for now. They both know he will have to go back, and Kushina hasn’t told Mikoto her son is here, surely she must know by now that he is. She’s very surprised it’s been this long without Fugaku making a visit. Maybe the man doesn’t want to make a scene. He’s done so before when he’s angry and Kushina would not so easily forget. 

 

A man like that could only take so much before he snapped. It was definitely more than a little concerning. 

 

Her own husband, Minato was considerate, easygoing and just such a sweetheart. He was thoughtful of other people, surely more than her. He saw Kushina as a person before he saw her as his wife, with her own agency thoughts and feelings. She saw so much of Naruto in him. Kushina was the one to make sure he didn’t get out of hand sometimes, and took care of himself when he needed to. In a partnership, you look out for your significant other and don’t try to stifle what makes them their own person. That’s fundamentally why Fugaku bothered her as a person because he was stuck to how he thought a family should be. 

 

Part of her always regrets not being able to have more kids with Minato, but it’s no one’s fault. Things just didn’t work out that way. Naruto would always be enough as he was. 

 

And she wished Sasuke knew he would always be enough as he was too.

*

 

A few days after Christmas, Sasuke’s father was at the door. 

 

Fugaku Uchiha, wearing his uniform clearly coming straight from work and very obviously, not happy. 

 

“Is Sasuke here?” 

 

Sasuke heard someone knock at the door, but he thought maybe it was a relative of the Uzumaki’s not his father. Hearing that voice, makes him freeze, taking him out of his blissful ignorance making sugar cookies with Naruto. Sugar cookies weren’t even close to Sasuke’s favorite but Naruto was excited, so Sasuke was excited for him. 

 

Until now that was.

 

Sasuke retreats from the kitchen, getting closer to the entryway, but not close enough to be spotted. He just wants to know why Fugaku decided to show up now. What was stopping him from coming yesterday or even last week? What changed? Did he finally get fed up with Sasuke’s avoidance? He honestly didn’t think they would care all that much. Mainly he thought his mother was upset but that she’d get over it and remember he wasn’t an important part of her day anyway. (This was definitely him, coping with the fact he’s been ignoring his parents for seemingly no reason and thought they wouldn’t retaliate while he was here.)

Minato is the one who answered the door. Clearly he didn’t know what to say for a moment upon seeing Sasuke’s father. But he answers honestly. Sasuke half-wished it was Kushina because she would have lied on his behalf…probably. 

 

“Yes,” Minato answers, and realizing this was probably going to be a lengthy conversation, he opens the door wider, but still blocks off Fugaku’s entry with his own body. Crossing his arms, it’s a clear sign of ‘you aren’t going to be allowed to enter.’ Which Sasuke appreciates greatly, but he’s still anxious. Things could escalate, and his father was a cop, he came here in uniform which was clearly a whole other statement.

 

“Would you bring him to me?” Fugaku asks, and the question part of it was merely formality. This was clearly a demand. His voice is bordering on the edge, clearly this was at the point of ‘testing his patience’ already.

 

“Why should I?” 

That was far more bold than Sasuke would give Naruto’s father credit for. By this point, Naruto has taken space right behind Sasuke, and motioned to hold his hand. Sasuke rejects the notion, maybe he didn’t want to feel like he needed it. Maybe he didn’t like the implication.

 

“He’s my son.” Fugaku says, the anger under the surface rising ever so slightly, Sasuke can tell it’s taking his father lots of energy not to lash out. “What other reason would you need?”

 

“I am aware, but that doesn’t mean you can come into my house and demand things of me.” Minato says, voice so calm it cuts like ice, it’s so different than how Sasuke usually sees him, “He’s here of his own free will.”

 

Fugaku scoffs.

 

“Who is to say that? I don’t see him here. He could be here against his will, I won’t know until I see him. What does my son have to say about this?”

 

“You and I both know that’s absurd Fugaku. He came here of his own volition, and frankly I don’t feel comfortable bringing him to you under these circumstances, you’re clearly not in any state to talk to Sasuke, why don’t you come back once you’ve calmed down a bit?”

 

Sasuke can’t see Minato’s expression, but he can hear the condescending smile in his tone. This riles up Fugaku who won’t for another second take this.

 

“You seem to think you have some authority over me Namikaze, but you’re just a cuck who bows down on the ground your wife walks on. That’s no way for a man to act, and don’t start pretending like you are one in front of me.”

 

Woah holy shit. 

 

Sasuke’s open-mouthed expression matches Naruto’s they both look at each other, like did he just say that? Naruto isn’t even a hundred percent sure he knows what ‘ cuck’ even means but it’s surely something derogatory that old people say.

 

Minato sighs, as if dealing with a petulant child, and rightfully so, “I don’t have the patience to deal with a man like you Fugaku, leave my property before I call your coworkers to come pick you up.”

 

“I will speak to my son,---don’t you dare shut this door on me.”

 

Too late , Minato closes the door, turns around and walks to the kitchen, then circles back to where Naruto and Sasuke were standing. There’s a soft smile on his face as he eyes the two of them.

 

“I assume you were eavesdropping?”

 

“Yeah…” Naruto answers before they could lie. Sasuke glances at him.

 

“I suppose it wasn’t that hard when he was talking so goddamn loud.” Minato comments, then glances back at their front door where Fugaku has literally started knocking incessantly. He takes out his phone but hesitates when Naruto speaks. 

 

“Are you really going to call the police on him?” Naruto asks. 

 

“Why not? I’m the mayor, he’s trespassing on my house.” Minato says easily, then walks quickly toward the door for a final warning, “If you’re not gone in 2 minutes  I’m calling the police.”

 

Fugaku doesn’t answer, only looking at Minato with a cold expression. Then he looks past Minato and sees Sasuke and Naruto looking at him. He makes eye contact with his son who quickly moves away and out of view. Sasuke regrets not moving from the sight of the door, and with this clear sign, his father is resigned but it isn’t over.  

 

“I’ll be back,” Fugaku says, “And Sasuke…your mother wants you to come home.”

 

Without another word, only a glare at Naruto’s father does Fugaku leave the property.

 

Sasuke doesn’t want to imagine the angry face his father is definitely wearing right now. 

 

Not ‘we’ not ‘I’, your mother. That’s certainly stuck in his head for a moment. Now Fugaku has officially left the porch. 

 

“Your father’s a dick,.” Naruto deadpans, Minato doesn’t laugh but looks like he wants to.

 

“Yeah…” 

*

When the sugar cookies came out the oven, they were just alright.

 

“What did we do wrong? ” Naruto complains, bringing one over to his father to taste. Kushina isn’t here to judge them, or review what possibly went wrong. Sasuke thinks they tasted “just fine” since sugar cookies are a mid-tier cookie to him on their best day, which Naruto won’t accept. 

 

Minato bites into the tip-top of a Christmas tree shaped sugar cookie.

 

“Hmm…” He hums, sagely, looking up as if the ceiling lights hold all the answers, “Did you put too much salt?”

 

“No? I don’t think so…” Naruto says, thinking, then without warning basically snatching the cookie he had given his father to take another bite for himself. Half the tree is gone when he looks at Sasuke like he’s looking past him into a the memory of making these cookies only one hour ago… “Holy shit.”

 

Sasuke brings over the index card with the recipe on it. 

 

One-half teaspoon salt

 

Written in Kushina’s neat cursive. 

 

“Fuck! We put one half tablespoon didn’t we?”

 

“Yep.” Sasuke answers bluntly. Though truthfully he’s not one-hundred percent sure but this is likely what happened. 

 

“Goddamn it. I can’t give these to Mom. Throw them all out.”

 

“They’re really not that bad—” Minato starts to say.

 

“All of them.” Naruto says almost dark and defeated. 

 

“They’re just not that sweet,” Sasuke tries to defend as well. As if salt cancels out sugar and doesn’t just…taste like salt. Naruto doesn’t reply only staring like he’s trying to control Sasuke with his mind. Minato takes a sugar cookie Santa before Sasuke actually gives into Naruto’s whims and throws the rest of the cookies away.

When Kushina comes back home, Minato gives her the half-eaten Santa cookie. 

 

“Damn that’s all that’s left?” She asks, surprised. When she heard Naruto was using one of her recipes she at least expected a full tray to be left. 

 

“Yep, the cookies were a hit.” Minato lied.

 

“Huh,” Kushina says, slightly non-believing of her husband’s answer, “Is that so?”

 

She finishes the Santa cookie, starting with the hat, and gives her review to Minato only.

 

“A little salty, but overall good. Naruto is usually terrible with recipes but he did a good job.” 

 

“Okay now go tell your son that, he thinks he did terrible.”

 

This admittance makes Kushina laugh, she takes her shoes off wanting to shower immediately and Minato gives her that time. He’ll tell her who came to visit later. She’s much too happy for that news right now. 

*

Fugaku comes back two days later. 

 

The way he knocks is much more demanding and much less polite. If you could call the last visit polite.

Minato answers the door again. Not because Kushina wasn’t here, but because he knew who it was and truthfully didn’t want to have his wife deal with this bullshit. Naruto and Sasuke are upstairs, and the two of them were watching a movie together. He usually lets his wife pick whatever, indulging in whatever she likes because he hates scrolling endlessly trying to pick something himself. On this particular occasion, it’s a rom-com movie he quite enjoys so he would like to get back to his place on the couch with Kushina as soon as possible.

So consequently, Minato is also a lot less inclined to be polite. 

 

“Fugaku,” He greets, not a hello, not anything. 

 

“Namikaze, are we going to go through this again, or are you going to bring Sasuke down here?” 

“If you are unable to contact Sasuke himself, I assume he does not want to see you. Have you tried calling him perhaps?” 

“Of course I have, he must have blocked my work and home number,” Fugaku answers dryly. “That ungrateful child wants to get rid of his own family. I’m not going to make it easy for him. Bring him down here now. ”

 

“You should know already as a parent that your children don’t owe you anything. If Sasuke decided he doesn’t want to speak to you, I’m sure there must be a reason. Ungrateful,” Minato practically spits the word, “doesn’t have anything to do with it. Sasuke’s been here for almost two weeks now, and I’m sure if your home was actually a loving one he’d be happy to come back.”

Minato truthfully doesn’t know as much as Kushina in regards to Sasuke, but he knows well enough especially based on Fugaku’s own behavior thus far that Sasuke is not happy there.

“You’re fucking unbelievable. You think you can tell me how to parent my own fucking kid? Your kid is a wreck, that idiot is lucky he was able to graduate highschool–” 

 

Minato is not one to mess around when people talk about his family, and calling his son an idiot definitely crossed a line. He steps forward, unable to stop himself from containing his emotions. 

 

“What did you say about Naruto?” 

 

Naruto is not an idiot, and never was. Minato knows what people thought about him and his family. Everyone seemed to have fucking opinions but no one has ever been brave enough to say this shit to his face before, and Fugaku could very well be the first to face what he’s entirely capable of. 

 

The look in his eyes completely catches Fugaku off guard, he’s frozen for a second then it comes to mind that he was entirely capable of defending himself if this escalated. He shouldn’t be afraid of this ‘man’ who can hardly stand up to his own wife. With newfound confidence, Fugaku pushes back.

 

“I said don’t tell me how to parent my kid Namikaze when you could barely raise your own.” 

 

Kushina comes up to block the two of them from getting into a bloody altercation. Pulling Minato back from the doorframe by grabbing his hand. 

 

“What is going on here?” She interrupts. Fugaku looks a little less angry at seeing another adult, maybe because he assumes Kushina will be reasonable. Or ‘control’ her husband. 

 

Minato honestly doesn’t like how Fugaku can just casually see his wife like this, in her pajamas, her hair out and she just looks incredibly gorgeous. Why couldn’t they just be on the couch again and this idiot go back to the empty carcass he calls a home.

 

“I want to see my son.” Fugaku answers, while at the same time Minato says, “This motherfucker won’t leave.” 

 

Kushina looks between the both of them. She’s got a grasp on the situation but knows Fugaku will not leave easy and her husband will not calm down as long as they’re within five feet of each other. 

 

“Come inside.” 

 

Great. Minato thinks but doesn’t say. The last thing he wanted was Fugaku in the house. That’s closer to Sasuke than was preferred, and honestly he knows this might go on longer now that they’re inside.

 

“You’re so cold,” Kushina mutters to Minato, taking his hand with two of hers. It helps his frustration and anger but he’s still bothered. He’s trying to stay calm and civil but truthfully just looking at this man makes him angry. He won’t get those words he’s said about Naruto out of his head. 

 

“It’s nothing,” He answers, pulling himself away. They have to deal with this issue.

 

“Look, Fugaku, if Sasuke doesn’t want to see you. He has that right. He’s not a child, we didn’t kidnap him and he chose to be here.” 

 

Kushina gets right into it, looking directly at Fugaku her posture not backing down. Minato’s next to her, slightly more relaxed with one leg down and the other crossing on top over it. Kushina pushes a warm cup of tea in Minato’s direction. Her eyes tell him to drink it. (He does.)

 

Fugaku notices this interaction and scoffs. But maybe that was also because of what Kushina just said. 

 

“He is a child. He acts like a child, thinks like a child, he is a child. Being 18 doesn’t change you overnight.”

 

“Of course it doesn’t, you’re right. But in the eyes of the law, he’s an adult, and he has his own autonomy. He can be wherever he wants. What is so imperative that you need Sasuke’s presence right this second?”

 

Minato is silent as he hears Kushina speak. The tea was nice, and calming but he’s more grateful for his wife’s involvement. She always spoke so well, and dealt with issues with much more grace. Sure she has a hot temper sometimes, but she also always knew when situations required a lighter hand. Minato was always calm regarding work, but Fugaku showed up at his home, not once but twice now and both times insulting him and his family. 

 

“It’s important for me to see Sasuke now because he hasn’t been home in almost two weeks. He needs to come home.”

 

“Why?” She pushes.

 

“Why?” He parrots, “Did you just ask me why?”

 

“Yes,” She answers as if speaking to one of the children in her school, “I asked you, why.”

 

“You two..” He says looking at the both of them, “Are absolutely unbelievable.” 

 

“That’s not an answer to my question Fugaku,” Kushina says patiently. “Why do you want Sasuke to come home now.”

 

Fugaku looks absolutely enraged at how she is treating him. 

 

“You didn’t care that much when he was even there. Clearly he’s dealing with issues, but you  both swept it under the rug, and now that he’s taking time away from you, you want him back in your claws again for what?”

 

Now the fangs were out. Kushina’s tone cuts deep, and Fugakus’ face is red with anger.

 

Minato almost smiles. 

 

“He’s here with us because he wants to be, if he asked us to take him home today we would.” She pauses, “If you haven’t been able to get in contact with him there’s a reason for that.”

 

Before Fugaku can begin to speak, she continues, “You want to know what I think?”

 

“I think Mikoto wants him back because she wants proof she’s a good mother, for Sasuke to come back and love her again when she doesn’t deserve it.”

 

Those were bold words, and Kushina is completely unwavering  like she would stand by them. Minato is entirely surprised. He’s definitely going to need a review on some of these things his wife is thinking of. 

 

“When it was Sasuke’s 18th birthday, your wife managed to make it about herself. Her image, and blamed Sasuke for that. Where were you? What did you say hm? I have no idea, but I imagine you don’t seem to have a care in the world for Sasuke’s thoughts or feelings on the matter. I don’t know about you but my son is not a puppet to me, he’s a fully fledged human being with thoughts and emotions and I’d sooner kill myself than treat him the way you treat your own son.”

 

The silence between them is long. 

 

Fugaku still looks angry but less so. It seems Kushina had given him food for thought. 

 

But she’s still not done.

 

“My son is not the accomplishments he’s gained, nor is he ungrateful for all that I’ve given him. Love is meant to be unconditional. He owes me nothing. Sasuke owes you nothing. I hope you remember that when you’re on your deathbed and your son won’t talk to you.” 

Minato is just a spectator now. Watching his wife demolish Sasuke’s father. He knows this pensive look will turn to anger soon enough, because guys like him only felt a maximum of three emotions. He doesn’t want to accept that he could be the problem. He’d much much rather blame Sasuke for being a ‘childish ungrateful brat’ than ever think he might have been a bad father. That Mikoto might be a bad mother. That Sasuke might have been truly unhappy in that home of theirs. 

 

“Now get out of my fucking house Fugaku, I’m done wasting my breath on you. If you come banging on my door again, we will really call the police, I don’t care what your position is, this is harassment and Sasuke has made it clear he doesn’t want to see you now.” 

 

Kushina knows he will go back eventually. Especially since Sasuke knows Fugaku knows he’s here. She’d bet he’d go back home in a few days anyway. She knows it wont be pretty, but she hopes maybe they’ll think about the suffering they put their son through and try to rectify their relationship. 

 

Yeah…she doesn’t think that’ll happen either. 

 

“Tell him,” Fugaku begins to say when he’s almost out the door, “That if he chooses not to return before January, I’ll be taking back any investment into his college tuition, and he’ll be on his own to pay for it.”

 

With that, he’s out the door leaving Kushina even more angry. And Minato almost equally enraged sucking it up to go make his wife a cup of jasmine tea. She’s definitely going to need it.

Meanwhile, Sasuke and Naruto were upstairs. Fugaku had come by at 9, and it was 9:15 when he had left. Naruto and Sasuke heard nothing surprisingly. Until they heard a door slam closed harshly. 

 

“Who was that?” Sasuke asks, knowing Kushina and Minato would never do that upon entering. He has an idea but he doesn’t dwell on it when Naruto takes his attention easily. 

 

“Who cares, now stay focused or I’m going to beat your ass,” Naruto says, Sasuke rolls his eyes since Naruto’s always just been a button masher which takes far less skill. 

 

“You fucking wish.”

*

 

After learning Fugaku had come to their house again, he resigns himself to going back home in…a day or two. Just before the new year. January 1st is Minato’s birthday so he decides he can’t stay til then. Surely by that point it’s overstaying his welcome. That seems like a family only affair. 

 

He washes his clothes before he leaves, packs what he brought, which wasn’t much and leaves it in his makeshift room. He didn’t sleep in Naruto’s bed that night, got up early and decided to ask Minato for a ride home when he saw him drinking coffee in the morning. Kushina wasn’t in sight, and Sasuke was minutely grateful for that. She could easily convince him to stay longer out of that genuine kindness of hers. 

“Are you sure?” He asks him.

 

Sasuke kind of hates that neither Minato or Kushina are under the illusion that he’s happy over there. It makes it harder to ask to leave. But he can’t keep running away from his problems, and he knows his parents are owed an explanation as to why he left and didn’t tell them. He thinks he might actually tell them how they make him feel and maybe something different will happen. He’s not sure what and he’s kind of anxious about it but he’s done sitting with this well of dark emotions and doing nothing about it. He’s sure if he lets himself get worse there’s only one ending left for him. 

 

It’s not something he wants to put on his best friend most of all.

 

“Yeah,” Sasuke answers softly, “Tell Naruto that I’m not going to ghost him again.”

 

“I’m sure he’d want to hear a message like that from you Sasuke.”

 

He knows. But it was worth a try. He doesn’t want to worry Naruto or make him think that he left because he was sick of him or some other absurd reason. He couldn’t leave a note and let Naruto read into things even more. He’ll answer when Naruto calls, but he doesn’t want Naruto to convince him to stay when he’s made up his mind. Naruto might be able to make him do anything really. 

 

Minato can see that Sasuke doesn’t want to hear any more of it. 

 

“Did you eat something? It is rather early.”

 

“Not hungry, I’ll eat later.” 

 

Was it entirely honest, he’s not really all that sure. He feels like if he tried to eat something he might throw it up because of this feeling in the pit of his stomach. 

Minato takes him home quickly, and surprisingly, and a little bit strangely, no one is home when he gets there. Sasuke has his keys so he opens the door himself.

 

“Thanks for coming over Sasuke, it was nice to have you. Naruto is more lively when you’re around.” 

 

That can’t be true, Naruto’s lively all the time. But Sasuke doesn’t really know what to say to that so he says nothing much.

 

“Thanks for having me over, I enjoyed it a lot.” 

 

That’s kind of an understatement, it was the best Christmas of his life. He actually enjoyed having Kushina and Minato around, and Naruto brought him so much joy. He unwound himself and actually had a good time. There’s one month left till the semester begins and Sasuke really wouldn’t have minded staying the entire time.

 

Leaving without saying goodbye was a bit of a dick move on his part, but why wake Naruto up just to disappoint him? Sure, he’ll wake up and realize he isn’t there, but he’ll be okay. 

 

“Remember, you can count on either of us if you ever need anything.” 

 

Sasuke nods, his heart feels heavy because he knows they mean it. By now he knows for sure.

 

Minato leaves with a wave and a long look, and Sasuke’s enters his home to find it completely empty. His father is probably at work, maybe his mother is too, and Itachi could have gone to his girlfriend–his fiancee’s house. Or whatever really, Sasuke doesn’t care. 

 

It’s both calming and a bit stressing to find no one here, since he knows he has to delay the inevitable. 

 

Looking around the house it’s clearly a mess. It seems their maid got a break. ( It’s him he’s the maid. ) Normally if he was home by himself and his parents weren’t here until hours later he would clean everything that they could see. The kitchen and living room especially but not only does he feel like not doing that, he feels like if he did it would be like…accepting that role they want him to play.

Two hours of nothing, only silence and mediocre Youtube videos Sasuke’s mindset completely changes and maybe in a bit of a mania he starts and finishes cleaning nearly the entire house. It would be obvious someone did something when they walked in the door but rarely is his work actually acknowledged. Possibly because Itachi used to do the same thing from an even earlier age.

When he winds up in his room it’s exactly as he left it. Clothes on the floor and just a general mess. His mania continues as he begins to clean that up as well and it wasn’t difficult at all. Two weeks ago he would have rather dragged himself to a frat party than do this. Maybe it’s because he hasn’t cleaned anything in two weeks like this and seeing Naruto’s room actually nice makes him want to be able to see his floor again and walk barefoot on it. 

 

Six hours since he’s been home and he’s suddenly starving. Ravenous. He needs to eat and realizes he hasn’t all day. He feels way too tired now to actually cook anything and the kitchen is perfectly clean now…

 

There’s another thing he hasn’t had to do for himself. Cook. Holy shit he really was on a vacation. He checks the time. His father likely gets off work in an hour or two, and his mom should already be on her way. Should he try to cook, lure them in and try to start a conversation on good standing? Will they be happy, at all his work and the fact he bothered to make dinner? He’s not sure, maybe his mom would be, if she truly did miss him. Or maybe she’d only be upset he left with no warning and came back like everything was fine. 

 

He isn’t sure what to do. All he knows is that if he doesn’t eat now or soon that conversation he’s been waiting to have all day is going to be a lot harder. 

 

He decided to not cook dinner but just to make himself eggs and toast. Not exactly hearty but if he ate anything that took too much effort he fears he might throw up all his hard work. 

 

All evidence of his rather meek early dinner was clean, dry and put away, and he waits on the couch. Near the door. Like a dog, he’s simply waiting…waiting…

His mother comes home first. She takes her shoes off and puts her bags down with a sigh. Turning around she sees the state of the house before her eyes land on her youngest son who has fallen asleep on the couch. 

 

“Sasuke?” She calls, and he doesn’t stir, she doesn’t want to wake him now that she sees him like this. She can’t recall the last time she’s seen Sasuke so peacefully asleep. Maybe it’s because he’s always holed up in his room and doesn’t sleep til late in the night. 

 

Something twists in her heart at the sight of him. Her boy grew up to be completely different. She never could have predicted his trajectory. 

 

She moves to touch his face, and conjures the image of a younger version of him. The boy who clung to her like she’d disappear if he looked away. Who looked up to his father and brother like they created the earth. 

 

Sasuke wakes like he fell off the couch, with a start, a shock and then recognition.

 

“Mom?” He says, not like he missed her more like an observation. It hurts her heart how cold he’s gotten, “You’re here.”

 

“Yes, I just got home. I assume you’ve been here a while.” She is still upset, still hurt he left without telling her and that he hasn’t been answering her calls at all. But right now seeing him sleeping on the couch seems to have dulled that hurt a bit. He’s home, he’s right here. 

 

“Yeah…” He looks at her like he’s almost confused, and she doesn’t know what to make of that.

 

“Are you hungry? I’m not cooking, I think we should order in.”

 

“Alright,” He says, but he still must be sleepy since that didn’t answer her question. 

Sasuke doesn’t know what to make of this. She doesn’t seem mad, or upset at all. It’s more like he’s been here everyday and she was only seeing him again. He didn’t mean to fall asleep waiting for her, and he expected a barrage of anger or maybe even that weird sort of closeness they had before he left for college. Where she felt the need to keep him close like he’d slip away. But this sink into normalcy, the complete lack of acknowledgement was not what he expected at all. It was weird, and he definitely won’t be offered the same grace when his father shows up. 

 

His mother can be angry, but she could also be sweet. Loving and affectionate in all the ways Sasuke craved. Fugaku was never like that, he was only content or angry. Only proud with Itachi and only disappointed or bored with Sasuke. He never ever impressed his father, but he’s sure this time he’s pissed him off. 

 

Mikoto orders takeout, and has Fugaku pick it up on his way home. She doesn’t mention Sasuke is here so when he comes into the house it’s a complete surprise to see his youngest son setting the table for three and his wife nowhere in sight. 

 

At first, he isn’t angry. Maybe a little annoyed but he’s just got home and was kind of tired. The house was clean exactly the way he wanted it to be, at first glance anyway and yes his reckless and rebellious son was here, but he was home now which means they can go over why his behavior was absolutely unacceptable. 

 

He also noted how Sasuke was here before January which he assumed meant Sasuke must still care about his college education. Fugaku would be correct if it was the case that Kushina and Minato had mentioned anything about what Fugaku had last said to them. 

 

“Mikoto,” He shouts, placing his shoes by the door and then placing the take out on the table barely giving his son a glance of acknowledgement. She must be in the shower . He thinks, his wife always took long showers, so he decides to face his son. 

 

Taking his navy tie off discarding it with his jacket, he puts it on the rack then sits in the chair as Sasuke was almost done taking everything out.

“So,” Fugaku says, voice low and controlled, Sasuke feels that stare like a live wire touching his skin, “I see you are back. Did you have a nice time away?”

 

Sasuke says nothing, and really he doesn’t want to say anything he might prefer yelling to this. He hates the way his father is looking at him. Like he isn’t even his son anymore like he could care less about what happens to him and that’s honestly kind of scary. 

 

“Well,” Fugaku forces an answer, “Did you?”

 

“Yes.” Sasuke says automatically. Not thinking, not looking. Fuck. How could he speak to his parents now that he was so spineless. It seems being away from his father and mother made him forget why he was so content to cut them off in the first place. Why he chose the route of not talking as the easier one.

 

“Good,” Fugaku says clearly not meaning that. “I would hate for you to not like it over there when you make it so clear to Kushina and her husband that you are unhappy here.”

 

A pause feels like ten years. 

 

“So Sasuke? Are you unhappy here?”

 

He doesn’t answer, and he doesn’t want to. He wants to go to his room and pretend like nothing happened. He didn’t anger his father this badly and his mother will be back and they’ll pretend like nothing happened…

 

“I am…” He starts, “fine, here. I–”

 

“Clearly not,” He snaps, impatient. “Clearly not since you needed someone to rescue you. Tell me Sasuke what could possibly make you so miserable? The fact we give you your own room, whatever you need we provide it for you, we are your parents yet you let others believe we are what? Abusive ? Sasuke, are we abusive? Do we hit you? Are you such an attention seeker that you make up lies and make people think you need to be kept from us your own parents? How is it that all we ever did was care for you and this is what we get?”

 

“Your college tuition, who pays for it?” 

 

Sasuke doesn’t answer, he still hasn’t sat down despite having been done putting everything on the table by now. 

 

He’s frozen in place.

 

He’s back on stage, everyone’s looking at him.

 

Eyes, eyes, eyes. 

 

That stare. 

 

That voice. 

 

“Answer me.” It’s an order Sasuke knows that.

 

“You.” 

 

“Me and your mother. Your parents.”

 

“Do you want to be separated from us, never see us again and be completely cut off? Would you like that, to live with Naruto’s parents because apparently we weren’t fucking good enough for you?” 

Somehow, the fact that Fugaku says this without raising his voice very much hurts . Sasuke’s heart is pounding and his body senses danger all he wants to do is run away. 

 

“Itachi didn’t turn out like this.”

 

Itachi is different, so so so different. Not only did they hardly raise him, he met every single one of their expectations and expected Sasuke to be a carbon copy of him. Expected Sasuke to not only reach the milestones Itachi did but do it better or faster otherwise it was hardly worth noting at all.

 

He wasn’t exceptional.

 

“I’m not Itachi.” He mutters. His father assumes it’s a biting insult.

 

“Excuse me? What was that? You’re still so soft you can’t fucking speak ?”

 

His father wouldn’t want him to speak so loud he stands up and his words start making sense. He doesn't see the point in repeating himself, except to placate his father’s assumption.

 

“I’m not Itachi.” He says louder. “I’ve never been and won’t ever be. You–the both of you, expect me to be something I am not and I just…”

 

“I can’t do it anymore.”

 

Fugaku stands up and Sasuke flinches, he’s still frozen to his spot, still standing near the table. As his father speaks he gets closer step by step.

 

“Are you stupid? What are you going to do without us? We are your parents Sasuke. We are the entire reason you exist. I don’t care if this is too fucking hard for you. Get over it, we have sacrified so much, done so much for you and your brother’s sake, you need to fucking grow up and learn that life doesn’t accommodate for you. You don’t get to bitch and cry about it feeling like it’s unfair.”

 

“What do you want from me Sasuke? Because I can be worse. Your mother will always see you as a child, so I’ve refrained your entire life, but maybe I need to teach you exactly how my father taught me.”

 

You don’t have anywhere to go. 

 

(Naruto’s warm comforting house flickers to mind, it’s over as soon as it comes.)

 

Fugaku grabs Sasuke’s shirt, and Sasuke never felt more scared of his father than right now. 

 

Sasuke doesn’t realize he’s shaking until he hears his mother’s voice. 

 

“Fugaku, what are you doing, let go of him. He just got home.” Mikoto’s voice is soft, and Fugaku steps back looking like he still wants to beat his child, but he merely shakes his head and with a rather dark chuckle and a sigh he moves back to where he was sitting. 

 

“Come on, let’s eat.” Mikoto sits, and motions for Sasuke to sit down as well.

 

Sasuke doesn’t touch his food. He only replays what his father said over and over and over and—

 

“Sasuke,” Mikoto pulls him out of it. “How was it at Naruto’s house, how was Christmas there?”

 

Mikoto asks so amicably, like he wasn’t ignoring her or anything like she wasn’t mad at all.

 

Like she didn’t see the way his father was acting when she got here, like it was fine, like it was normal. 

 

“Um…fine,” He can’t shake the feeling he just can’t . His father’s leg is shaking, like he’s just about ready to do something. Mikoto places a hand over her husbands, silently telling him to calm down. He takes his hand right out from under hers to rest his head.

 

His eyes are fixated on Sasuke.

 

He feels it without looking.

 

“Just fine?” She repeats, a little laughter, “What did you do?”

 

This conversation is so absurd, what can he even say? He pretends, like she pretends, he will. 

 

In the back of his mind, he tries not to think about what his father was surely going to do. He’s never done anything….truly terrible. Was he even— yes he was always capable. Sasuke just never pushed those buttons like that before.

 

He’s always been obedient. A mirror reflecting back how they wanted him to be. Going no contact even for just two weeks was the most rebellious thing he’s ever done in his entire life. 

 

He didn’t really understand the weight of that til now.

 

His grip on his fork tightens and he reminds himself he’s really here. This is really happening. He has to really answer.  

 

“Not much, we had a big Christmas dinner, uh at one point Naruto and I made cookies, we watched holiday movies, and…” He trails off, he feels dumb this conversation feels…almost uncanny. He knew he wanted to pretend like everything was fine but actually doing it was strange. What was his mother doing ? 

 

He wasn’t expecting to come home to this.

 

A woman who wants to pretend everything is fine, and a man who wants to force things back into their rightful place.

 

“How is Naruto?” She asks, and Sasuke knows his mother doesn’t actually care that much, especially when he doesn’t have any time to answer yet before she asks a different question, “And how is Kushina? How is she doing?”

 

“They’re all doing fine.” He answers dryly, his heart gradually slowing, but he’s finding it difficult to focus on what he’s actually saying still.

 

“Fine is such a bland word, are they happy?” She says, light, like Sasuke’s merely being his aloof self, and he wasn’t just…

 

“Yes, they’re happy.” He’d be stupid not to see it. That home is filled with nothing but love and affection and his was filled with emotions that were much different.

 

She looks at him momentarily, facade breaking for a just a second. Sasuke doesn’t know how to feel. He doesn’t know why she was asking even, and the silence is more dreadful than the talking somehow. He feels like the silence is implication he must continue but he doesn’t know what to say. At least, with every passing sentence he strays further from his father’s words but they’re still in his mind.

 

“They…decorated the house before I got there, and it was very elaborate.” 

 

He thinks of something, feeling slightly better when he remembers it. Maybe it wasn’t very appropriate for the situation but he doesn’t think of something else to say.

 

“When they decorated the house, and put mistletoe in the doorway Naruto said they walk under it together on purpose,” the thought of when Naruto had said that made him smile. Luckily, Naruto and Sasuke never walked under a doorway together once, because that would have been terribly awkward since Kushina and Minato always abide by the tradition. (Naruto though probably wouldn’t think anything of it because of how silly it was. Sasuke would undoubtedly be mortified.)

 

“Naruto’s Dad was off of work first, though he still got calls, he would cook and then Kushina would come home. She makes good food but her baking is delicious. ”

 

He can remember the taste of her cookies, warm and soft with crisp edges…He wishes he could eat one right now. More than that, he wishes he didn’t come back home to this. 

 

The soft feeling in his mind fades and he remembers his fathers eyes are on him. Entirely judgemental, entirely angry.

 

“You spent a lot of time with Naruto?” Mikoto asks, not commenting, only prodding really. Sasuke only complies because what’s the other option anyway? He feels kind of caught in a trap. 

 

“Yeah,” He finds himself answering honestly, well who else would he have spent time with. Minato and Kushina were great but they were still grown adults. Naruto is his best friend.

 

“Naruto is as dumb as his father, I regret having let you two spend time together when you were young. Clearly that was where we must have went wrong.” 

 

Fugaku speaks for the first time since Mikoto came down. Sasuke stills, and Mikoto coughs, the silence is only one word. Tense. Always is.

 

“I think Naruto is a good boy. He’s not as smart as our sons but he’s not bad. He could certainly be worse.” Whatever hidden meaning that had, Sasuke didn’t understand it.

 

“Itachi never had friends like that boy. He surrounded himself with like minded individuals.”

 

There’s his father, sounding so self-righteous and superior. 

 

Sasuke officially can’t take it anymore.

 

He’s afraid but Naruto is not stupid, or a bad influence. 

 

“Naruto is not a bad person,” Sasuke says, not as strongly as he wanted to.

 

“Hm?” Fugaku mocks, “Did you say something?”

 

In that moment he’s so so reminded of his brother. 

 

Maybe Sasuke was wrong, maybe Itachi’s attitude wasn’t only born from himself, but a trait of their fathers. 

 

“Yes.” He says, voice clear and unmistakably heard, “Naruto is a not a bad person, and he is my friend. Whether you want him to be or not. Because this is my life.”

 

“Sasuke,” Fugaku says, a warning.

 

But Sasuke thinks, the worst thing Fugaku could do to him. Realistically.

 

Taking away his funding for college.

 

Throwing away all of his possessions.

 

Hurting him like he just implied. 

 

Would his mother protect him? 

 

For once, Sasuke isn’t sure. She’s usually made sure Fugaku never went too far. But she saw what he was doing and brushed it off. Like it wasn’t…

 

She saw he was scared and ignored it.

 

His mother only wants to pretend things are perfect. 

 

She’s never going to do anything. 

 

Not about his bad health, mentally or physically. Not about his issues he wanted to reveal to her completely. Not about how Itachi treats him, or how Fugaku treats him. Because one is her husband she will never divorce and the other is her favorite son. Her angel. 

 

Sasuke is extra, unneeded, and as long as he doesn’t fit her perfection, she’s going to try to rectify him, not the things that made him this way. Not try to do any real thinking on how this came to be.

 

“I’m done,” He says aloud, exasperated at the realization. On the surface, he meant dinner but really it’s everything. 

 

He came back because he felt like he owed them an explanation. He came back because he wanted to see if they cared enough to change but he can see now that they don’t. 

 

He’ll spend his last night here in this house. From there, he will figure out what to do. He’s an adult now, and like his father has said, he needs to start acting like it. He’ll be content leaving because he has nothing else to give them. He’s already given so so much of everything else. They don’t deserve more. 

He finally returns to his room. His father decides not to say much else after dinner ends. He probably thinks he’ll have tomorrow to go over it. Sasuke won’t give him that chance.

 

Looking in his room, it’s no longer a mess, but he sees the boxes left from unpacking his dorm. His mother told him to unpack it multiple times and put things away but he never did. Truthfully doing that felt like he was staying for a long time, and he was going to return to campus in the spring. Or at least he wanted to. Now, he isn’t so sure what will happen. 

 

It’s kind of scary. He tries not to think about it.  Stick to your decision. He can’t turn back because he knows things will be hard. Would he ratchet stay?

 

He has extra cardboard boxes, they were flattened and now he’s ready to use them. For hours he looked through his things. His clothes, his belongings that have remained with him for years. Things that have meaning, most of them don’t.

 

When he’s done, and his room looks as bare as he can make it, he looks at Kushina’s phone number. He doesn’t want to call her, he thinks he might cry if he does, and that would be something he can’t live down right now. 

 

So instead, he sends a long message and he hopes he won’t see her reply til hours later. Preferably when he wakes. 

 

His boxes are labeled, and he’s written a note for his parents. They’ll see it when they clear this all out. Or maybe they won’t ever read it. It doesn’t affect him what they do or don’t do anymore.

Hi Ms.Uzumaki,

 

Sorry for the late text. This is Sasuke. I want to know if you would be willing to have me over indefinitely. I’m going to speak to my parents today about some things and I don’t think it will go over well.  I wanted to ask you if it would be okay if I could sleep in that room I was staying in these past weeks. I will get a job and pay rent, I know it would be a big ask of you to house me and I won’t bring too much or take up too much space. I just don’t want to be here anymore. I will let you know how it goes.

 

Usually he reads a messages more than once, but he just word-vomitted the text and sent it because he knew if he didn’t he would not ask now or tomorrow. He puts his phone on silent so he won’t see the notification if she does respond. He will see what she says later. 

 

If he chooses this route, he’s going to have no access to the things he did so easily before. The tuition costs will no longer be paid by his parents, his phone bill, he might have to drop out of school for a bit to get money to pay if he can’t get financial aid…

 

It’s going to be the hardest thing he’s ever done, but he really really doesn’t want his parents to hang this over his head. He’ll do it if it means he won’t have to be around either of them ever again.

 

He texts Naruto as well. He meant to do it earlier, and now it feels more serious to do so.

 

Sorry I left without telling you.

 

I am going to speak to my parents, let you know how it goes. 

 

Naruto answers so quickly Sasuke doesn’t even have the chance to look away.

 

It’s okay. I would have made you stay with my good looks makes sense you didn’t wake me.

 

A pause. Three dots, it disappears, it starts again. 

 

I know it will take a lot for you to talk to them. 

 

You’re more brave than you give yourself credit for Sasuke.

 

He doesn’t respond, because Sasuke knows he isn’t brave at all. 

 

Only tired.

 

His sleep tonight is restless one.

 

*

“Mom,” Sasuke says, then looking at Fugaku his father, his Dad . Dad always felt like too friendly a term for his father. That is reserved for men like Minato, not Fugaku, who was demanding, controlling, and unhappy, prickly when he should be soft, caring.

 

“I have something I need to tell the both of you.”

 

Fugaku looks, undisturbed. Unbothered, unwilling to listen. As per usual. Mikoto looks…concerned. Sasuke decides not to look at either of them for his peace of mind.

 

So he starts with the least provocative. 

 

“I’m leaving, I’m not going to be living here anymore.” 

 

“Don’t ask where I’m going, though you probably know. I will make sure to pay you back for my first semester eventually, and drop out of this upcoming semester so your money that you put into it will be returned to you.”

 

His mother looks like she’s going to speak. So he interrupts.

 

“I am appreciative of everything you have done for me up until now, and I do not want any help from you further. Here is my phone. And I’m sure you could get your money back for it since it is in good condition. Otherwise I can find a way to pay for the rest.”

 

“You can contact me through email if you want to speak to me, but do not show up where I live.”

 

He hands them the envelope he meant to leave on his old desk. He brought it out with him upon leaving his room, it seems he wasn’t totally apathetic to whether they read it. 

 

“I…can’t tell you explicitly why I feel this way, and I doubt you would listen and you would try to make excuses so I wrote it down as concisely as I could. If you ever read it and want to speak to me again, I have written down how to get in touch with me.” 

 

He wasn’t going to tell them entirely no. If they think they can change and actually want to have a relationship with him he gave them the terms. They are his parents.

 

“I put all my things I don’t want to keep in boxes. If you get rid of it or sell it, I don’t care. If you want me to get rid of it I will.” 

 

Mikoto doesn’t have anything to say, she’s entirely stunned. Fugaku doesn’t look like he’s going to be saying anything either, his arms are crossed and his expression is entirely unreadable.

 

“I have everything I am taking with me, and if you feel I owe you something, I don’t. I don’t owe you my time, or love, or understanding. I am not happy here, it’s…suffocating. It’s killing me and I need to leave. I know you don’t understand but I do and that’s enough. This is what I have decided.”

 

His mother takes the envelope quietly, words on the tip of her tongue. He doesn’t want to hear anything she may have to say. It will make him feel guilt, it will make him feel sad, it might even make him angry. All he is focusing on, is the way he felt yesterday, when it finally occurred to him he should go. 

 

That clarity.

 

“Oh and,” Sasuke says, surprised he managed to speak so clearly and without stuttering or stopping. It’s proof how ready he is and how he went over his words over and over the night before.

 

“It took me a long time to come to terms with this, I myself had a lot of self-loathing over it and I always worried about what you would think or what you would say. But it doesn’t matter, it never did.”

 

“Mom,” He says, then more pointedly, then looking directly at his father takes all his courage, “Dad I am gay.”

 

“I think you guys knew for quite some time, and always ignored it or tried to force me into something else but I’m gay and someday I’m going to marry a man, and I’m never going to have kids and I’m going to be happy. Whether you will be there or not when I am is up to you.”

 

“I always wanted you both to care about me, to be there, but I’m not going to force it. I’m not going to ask you to love me or make myself someone I’m not so you do.”

 

“Tell Itachi what happened, or don’t. I don’t really care.” He says, saying it entirely as an afterthought, “Goodbye.”

 

Fugaku grabs his arm. 

 

Sasuke can almost see scenarios running through his father’s head.

 

What to say, what to call him, what to do, how to hurt. 

 

With that iron grip on his wrist Sasuke can’t pull away, and in a moment, he thinks he’s in danger. But Mikoto takes Fugaku’s hand away from him. 

 

“Let him go,” She says, surprising him completely “He’s clearly thought about this.”

 

She’s not looking at him. She’s only looking at his father and that for some reason upsets him.

 

He feels more like a child than he has in a long time. 

 

“You aren’t going to say anything?” Sasuke asks, maybe he’s pleading, maybe he’s sad, maybe it’s really hitting him now.

Should they be trying to convince him? 

 

Shouldn’t they want him to stay? 

 

He doesn’t want to stay, but maybe he wanted them to want him to be here. To not treat him like he’s not important to them. Then his mother speaks and he snaps out of it. 

 

“No, you will be back,” Mikoto says, certain of it. Oh. She’s not letting him go because she respects his decision, it’s because she doesn’t think he’s serious. 

 

Sasuke doesn’t think she’s ever been more wrong in her life.

 

Except maybe, when she married his father.

 

“No,” Sasuke says with just as much certainty, “I won’t.” 

 

Sasuke looks back at them, and Fugaku only looks vaguely disgusted, vaguely upset. Like the words haven’t sunk in quite yet. Sasuke thinks himself lucky Fugaku can’t process all this quickly. Gives him enough time to fucking leave. 

 

He feels like a completely different person. A year ago, he wouldn’t have thought this could be possible.

 

Surely Sasuke will see an email eventually with hate speech and all the reasons why he’s a terrible son and why he should be begging to return. But he’s barely even thinking about that future. 

 

Right now, all he can think about is how his father lost control, and how Sasuke took it away from him and now his Dad so clearly doesn’t know what to do about it. How his mother still even when he said all that he did, still sees this as a temper tantrum. 

 

Like he’s still five years old, in the palm of her hand.

Notes:

I think the only thing I might feel off about it how Kushina and Minato handle Fugaku. It was self-indulgent of me but I think it was an appropriate response. What do you think?

Thank you for reading.

The next update will take a very long time, it will LIKELY be the last chapter however. Then I can finally mark this as complete :)

Currently it’s at 4k but I might scrap and start over cause it was written before Ch 3 was finished.

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 11 of Noya’s SNS Anthology